#but back then it was way easier to *realise there WAS a difference* and therefore ask someone to explain it!

[lindwurmkai]

Information for new users that I haven't really seen included in these advice posts so far:

If you seem to be getting mixed messages about likes and reblogs, there are a few things that might be contributing to your confusion.

1) Reblog and repost are not interchangeable words!

Reblogging is when you use the site's built-in feature to share someone else's post with your followers. This is generally considered supportive and you can't really go wrong with it. Just don't reblog people's random-ass personal posts for no reason I guess?

Reposting is just what we call stealing, basically. Like when you download an image someone posted and upload it yourself. This is why you'll see "do not repost" messages and angry posts about reposting. They are not talking about reblogging.

2) Strongly worded negative posts about likes are usually made by artists and other original content creators who are frustrated that their posts aren't being shared. Likes don't "do nothing", that's an overstatement, but they do practically nothing to increase visibility on here. Don't overthink it, just keep in mind that artists in particular thrive on visibility and you're not contributing to that when you like without reblogging. Support your favourite artists!

3) Yeah, we threaten to make each other's posts go viral on here. That doesn't mean reblogs aren't still appreciated like 99% of the time (again excepting personal ramblings), it's just that once a certain threshold has been reached, chaos tends to ensue. We have the option to turn off reblogs now if we really don't want to deal with that, so just hit that reblog button and don't worry about it.

Basically, I promise you the OP of a 37-note joke will most likely appreciate every reblog and every like.

[mysteryanimator]

Here ye here ye, another breaking down processes post from yours truly!

For this animation, my plan was to make something I'm proud of AND also something to force me to take my time since with all previous animation works they were all rushed. I normally tend to speed through work as someone whose illustrations are painterly and I like to keep them rough. Also lets be totally honest my other plan for this animation was to animate Mizrox being so sickeningly sweet.

Fun fact, this animation was going to be longer. I had tried to plan out Olrox climbing on top of Mizrak during the kiss to lay on his chest. There was an attempt trying to rough that out and several ref videos It was scrapped because for the life of me I could not figure it out. Also hypothetically if I was going to keep it, I would cut to another angle (perhaps Mizrak's face close up) and then cut to another angle that would make it easier to see that climbing over the top. OR, consider Olrox already sleeping on his chest (im just rambling now but this is basically 'if you were able to do this again' section).

I wish I actually went through a more proper tie-down process because the jump from going from my rough straight to clean was rough (badum tsk) for the first few seconds. Defintely learnt my lesson ALSO Olrox is surprisingly really fun to draw from behind.

I challenged myself to see if I could get the idea of "bigger movements, less in-betweens, smaller/slower movements, more in-betweens." Though the effect of Olrox rubbing his face against his arm may be a little too jarring and I steered quite a bit away from my rough and self-reference video in hopes of making the face rubbing more apparent because I thought the character acting was too subtle and wanted a contrast to the other half of the scene. I reconfigured my CSP animation workspace for this too so it definitely made the process less tedious when cleaning up the animation.

(Which by the way I do record a lot of self-references depending on the section! For things I can't do/uncomfortable doing, I'll end up looking up videos. It's the easiest for me to catch subtle things in body language and also get a feels for the motion.)

Also I'm really satisfied with Olrox's anticipation before his smooch and the shoulder roll at the end even though technically the arc doesn't complete itself. MIZRAK THOUGH, when cleaning up I realised my rough wouldn't make sense because he's already looking at him so there's no need for a turn, and then the lack of a shoulder movement felt jarring, so all of that was done without any thought, wish I did think about it more though.

Now compositing was a monster in its own right and basically me jumping back and forth between turning on and off different layers, but here are all the new things I did; I duplicated and blurred the lines of the lineart, beveled the shadows so it was lighter on the inside, and added a rim of blur so the focus drew towards the couple. Also will absolutely admit that my fanboy ass went "... be crazy and try to mimic the show." The final did not go that route because I thought it was more important to emphasize the mood/atmosphere (Also Olrox is intentionally stylized differently because i wanted him to be softer here and I had to give him eye highlights for plot HELP). THOUGH to say I did not try to mimic the style, the #2 lighting test was my 'attempt' LOL 😭 I can never consume media normally.

Here are the lighting tests I went through. I definitely knew I wanted to go with a morning vibe, though I tested out a night ver for fun and did some edge lighting which led to mixing both version #2 and #3 to make #4.

Fun fact, I almost went with #2 due to fear of getting too heavy-handed with compositing and therefore losing the animation (even though I really liked #4 at the time). Thanks to a friend, they also shared the sentiment of liking #4, though pointed out it felt like midday and encouraged me to make the colours warmer and deepen the shadows. It is a really tough balance but I think for a softer scene like this, the more additional layers of comp worked out in the end.

The edge light was a last minute thing because someone told me to add sound and to have light stream in. Also at this point I deadass forgot that you know, Olrox, is a vampire, but hey rule of cute overrules. We can pretend its light not from the sun LOL

Also yay I got to show off my own style a tad, I love paintingggg. It's not as completely fully rendered coz I knew that it would get covered up but I still made sure it was quite clean regardless. I didn't realise how much of it would be covered up even though I did make sure they would fit/make sense for bg LOL

Now we are done!

If you've gotten this far thank you! There's gonna be less frequency of these animations due to the semester starting back up soon and I don't get many opportunities to actually 2D animate (despite it being an animation degree RAH). Also I remembering cringing and laughing a lot when I immediately started putting colour down going "oh i can see the end of the horizon, i have too much power as an artist, people will see this i cant let them see me be crazy"

[Here's some memes I drew over while my friend was reviewing my work]

[whatdoidosatoru]

Check Yes Juliet

PART 2 of The Only Exception

This is part 2 of the previous work named First Date (the real ones will find the pattern) so technically that was CH1 :)

All the tags from that are valid for this part as well, Yuna is my OC that's barely described so feel free to imagine her however you'd like

part 1 - part 3 - part 4 - ao3

pairing: Keisuke Baji x OC (reader)

wc: 4.7k ishtags: smut, fluff, oral sex, vaginal sex, praise, fingering, baji is a simp, cum eating (kind of), they are very horny for each other, unprotected sex (they've taken some precautions okay I don't normally condone not wrapping it up)

Songs referenced or listened to while writing this chapter:

Empty With You - The Used

Crushcrushcrush - Paramore

I Don’t Wanna Be In Love - Good Charlotte

Be My Escape - Reliant K

Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings

Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

MDNI!!!!! 18+ only!

“Honey, what I’m hearing is that you had a romantic and passionate night with this man and you didn’t even get his last name?” Mai was shaking her head at me after hearing a rough report of my shenanigans with Keisuke last night. I stared ahead and kept picturing his soft, blissful expression lying on my bed, trapped by my thighs, me sitting on his cock, his hair pooling over my pillows that still held his scent and mine mixed together.

Why can’t I stop thinking about him?  

Mai stood up and walked to the side of the bed, noting my ripped-up panties on the floor, her eyebrow raised,

“And when did this happen?” I put the cup of coffee still steaming on the nightstand, catching a glimpse of the photo I had taken of him post-orgasm. She noticed it as well, picking it up to inspect it.

“He wanted me to keep the fishnets on so he ripped these off before going down on me.” Leaning back on the headboard, I took a moment to assess how sore my limbs felt, my insides still felt raw and aching. I lifted my hand to touch my neck where he scraped my skin with his teeth and left little bruises, that was going to need covering up before work. 

She wasn’t wrong, but at the same time she was.

She smirked at me, waving the photo around, “I didn’t realise you were so down bad for this guy, why would you take a photo of him lying, what I’m assuming is naked, on your bed?”

She brought it closer to my face, “This guy pushed you into the wall, but all you talk about is how he was gentle with you? What am I missing?”

I completely forgave him for that shove in the hallway of the club, he seemed genuinely sorry and like a completely different person than I had assumed he would be. No matter how insanely hot he was, he was also kind. And very giving. I smiled to myself, this morning I had the most satisfying gentle sex I’d ever had. None of my boyfriends had ever been that good. And he hadn’t complained about putting a condom on, which shouldn’t ever be as commendable as it was.

Mai reached to have a look at my bruised neck and collarbone, visibly annoyed, “We need to tone this down before work. Come on, I’ll make breakfast and try to cover up your nasty hickeys.” I could just drag myself after her into the kitchen.

How was she so chirpy and energetic? She stayed up until at least 5:30 in the morning, and the party was on until 5. 

“Mai, did you sleep at all last night?”

“Sleep is for the weak. I’m so beyond tired that a whole new wave of energy has taken over. I may drop halfway through the shift though so you need to step up for me, okay?”

“Of course, I’m taking over the schedule duty as well.”

We worked at a cinema not too far from our apartment and, although Mai normally handled the theatre schedule, I had to make sure she could at least get some easier jobs, considering she helped me get my sexual frustrations out last night and therefore sacrificed her sleep. 

Half an hour later, with my neck covered in four layers of concealer and colour corrector, we made our way to our work, completely unprepared to handle groups of screaming children and their disinterested parents. 

“You smell different, is that some new perfume?” She broke through my thoughts.

“I think it might be his scent, I assume that’s his shampoo because his hair smelled so divine.”

“Damn, Kakashi really is That Guy , isn’t he?”

With a playful shove, she started towards the only store room that had chairs for us to sit on, and I took a pen to try and figure out how to tackle today. 

“It’s Keisuke.”

“Whatever.”

~

Saturday nights were for the girls. After work and a shower, Hana and her girlfriend showed up at our apartment for a weekly pizza night. By the time it was my turn to catch them up on your week, everyone had already had their turn and normally my updates had always consisted of a very short summary of where I was with my research papers, how much I hated my Contemporary English professor, and what songs I was hyper fixating on. This time all I wanted to talk about was Keisuke. I had never got so hung up on real people, so this was a very interesting topic to all of them. 

“So as all of you may know, I brought a guy home last night,” I picked up another slice of pizza, “and now he’s basically all I can think about, it pains me to confess, but I sniffed the pillow he slept on several times today.” 

“Simp!” Asami fake-coughed into her hand, giving me a devilish grin to which I responded with a stuck-out tongue.

“I didn’t even get much of a look at him when he pushed me into a wall last night, but then I completely embarrassed myself in front of him and realised he’s actually so gorgeous and hot I wouldn’t have minded if he was some sort of serial killer as long as he put his hands on me.”

Mai pretended to vomit at that, Hana and Asami just chuckled at my dramatics. 

“Listen, I’m not one to obsess over guys this much, but something about him really drew me in and I was so stupid that I didn’t ask for his last name. Or his number!” I dropped my head into my hands and groaned, “Why didn’t I get his fucking number?”

Hana piped up, “Didn’t you say he worked at Pet Zone? You can always go find him there and ask him.”

“Don’t you think that might come off as a bit creepy,” Asami asked, “I mean if the roles were reversed, I’d definitely think it was some creepy guy who didn’t understand the concept of a one-night stand.”

“Asami, you think every guy is creepy and should be avoided at all costs,” quipped Mai.

Asami just shrugged and took a sip of her drink.

Hana reached out to get her glass, “By what you told us happened, he seemed to be really into you and maybe didn’t think you would want to continue seeing him. Just a thought, though.”

I was becoming more and more hopeful, “What if I just interpreted it wrong, though? What if I’m misremembering it because that was how I wanted things to happen?”

“I can always come with you to the shop and get some stuff for Kisu.” Hana and Asami had adopted a beautiful orange cat that was a menace to society, but I loved her so much that I regularly bought her Dreamies.

“You don’t think it would be painfully obvious? I don’t even know when his shifts are, he’s got university as well as work.” I felt myself whine a bit too much now.

Mai decided to finish this conversation by calming me down with a big hug and some reassurance.

“Babe, if Keito’s not there we’ll come again and again until we find him and you ask him out. If it takes us a month, then so be it, but you’re overthinking this. The way he kissed you on his way out didn’t look like he didn’t want to see you again.”

“Thank you, love. And his name is Keisuke.”

“I don’t think it is,” she winked at me. 

“I know what I screamed last night, my darling, and it’s definitely Keisuke.”

“I feel like it’s becoming a bit and I don’t want to stop it, so deal with it.” Mai ruffled my hair and went back to her glass of wine.

After a couple of hours, all of us went to bed, Mai had given Asami and Hana her own room so she shared with me. I lay my head on Keisuke’s…I mean, my pillow that Keisuke slept on and inhaled deeply. The scent was fading, I really needed to find him again.

Mai was deeply snoring while I lay with my eyes half-closed playing with his hair tie on my wrist. 

The next day Asami made her way to visit her parents, slightly regretting not going with us to the city centre. Mai, Hana, and I, as per usual, spent way too much time in the bookstore, gently caressing the spines of our favourite books, laughing at ridiculous covers, and making highly ambitious reading lists that we were never going to follow. The trip was a success as I managed to walk out with only two new books and three complimentary bookmarks.

Now, with a significantly lighter step, we went into a few clothes shops and there I realised I needed to get more underwear. Mentally cursing Keisuke for ripping the most comfortable pair, I picked out two new comfy pairs of panties and one lacy pair that I didn’t even know the occasion for. It just called to me, black lace with a red bow on the back seemed right up my alley. 

With a sigh, we went on to our final stop of the day, Pet Zone. This was it, all my hopes and dreams were riding on the good outcome of this situation. A gentle pat on the shoulder from Hana made me snap out of it, I patted my face to sober myself up and stepped inside.

~

The best thing about any pet shop is the fact that owners come in with their dogs and let them roam around the shop, so when I walked in and got greeted by three dogs at the same time, the only worry that was left on my mind was making sure I gave each of them an equal amount of attention.

Hana and Mai went to the cat aisle to browse while I was left barely five steps into the store, wishing I had three hands to give all of these good dogs love at the same time. 

“Uhm, hey there,” a muffled voice reached me. I looked up to see a slightly winded Keisuke with a hand over his mouth, trying to finish chewing his food.

“Hey, take your time, man” I tried to sound like this interaction hadn’t been on my mind for a whole day. 

“Sorry,” he swallowed, “I saw you on the security camera and ran back in before properly finishing my lunch.”

Was this guy for real? He cut his lunch break short because I walked into the shop? Was I hearing this correctly?

“Oh you really didn’t have to do that,” why did I sound so shy? This man had been inside of me two nights ago and now I was shy ?

“I was worried I’d miss you, what brings you here?” He still sounded a bit winded.

“Hana needs some stuff for her cat and we were out with her shopping so we just stopped by,” I motioned toward where Hana and Mai were playing with cat toys.

“Got anything interesting?” He pointed at my bookstore haul.

“Just some books I’m probably never going to get around to reading, but I needed a dopamine hit after feeling so down,” crap, that sounded a bit too desperate.

“What happened?” 

Sigh , “Well I thought you might not want to see me again…after that night.”

“W-What? I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore and that was why you didn’t ask for my phone number!” He started getting flustered.

“I thought you didn’t ask for my number because you weren’t interested,” I confessed, “are you telling me this all could’ve been avoided had both of us stopped overthinking for a damn minute?”

He started laughing, causing me to join him, oh my days he was so beautiful.

“I was rushing so much I didn’t grab my phone,” he passed me a piece of paper with the shop logo and address, and a pen to write my number down. I finished the note with a little black heart and gave it back to him, his face visibly more relaxed now. 

“And just so you know, you owe me a new pair of underwear,” I said in a lower tone, “don’t think I forgot.”

“I don’t think I can forget anything from that night,” he picked up my hand and played with his hair tie that was still on my wrist. I blushed and started to take it off to give it back to him, but he pushed it back on.

“Keep it. I took something of yours as well,” he lowered his head to my cheek and placed a gentle kiss. I tried to mentally remember if I noticed anything missing yesterday, but to no avail. I looked at him with a question, but he just grinned back at me.

“You’ll see, I guess you’re gonna have to meet me again to get it back, that is, if I feel generous.” 

With that, he walked back to finish his break, and I was left to locate my friends and report on the situation.

“What a weirdo, what did he take? Probably your underwear or something creepy.” Hana scrunched up her nose in distaste.

“I don’t think so, I’d notice if any were missing because I had to get new ones already. Also, I don’t think he had the time to do that, since if he wasn’t inside of me, he was next to me.”

Mai patted me on the shoulder with pride. “See, I told you it would work out, and you got yourself all worked up about him.”

“I mean, he is pretty, in a girlish kind of way,” Hana said, looking back at the store.

“I need him in my bed again.” I felt my insides twirling, longing to be full of him again.

“Damn, I don’t remember you being this horny with any of your exes.” Mai playfully pushed me forward.

“What can I say, six orgasms in a night can do that to a girl.”

“Rookie numbers,” Hana scoffed, making Mai and me laugh a bit too loud.

~

By the time Mai and I got home and unloaded everything we bought, I’d gotten a message from an unknown number that just said “What’s your favourite colour?”

Yuna, 14:12

?

xxxxxxxxxxx, 14:13

So I know what colour heart to put next to your name in my contacts c;

Yuna, 14:13

Keisuke?

xxxxxxxxxxx, 14:13

Well I hope you don’t have someone else that would ask you these things haha c:

Yuna, 14:14

oh thank the stars, you never know what weirdos there are out there. gotta be careful.

and i’m good with blue or black

Keisuke, 14:14

Got it ;) 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:15

what do you want me to put you as?

I broke out in laughter and Mai came into my room to check what was going on. I just shook my head and showed her the screen. 

Keisuke, 14:15

His Majesty Keisuke, King of My Vagina and Bringer of Infinite Pleasure 

“Kids…” she walked away with a smirk against her will.

Yuna🖤💙, 14:16

i’m leaning towards KeiSUCKe

Keisuke, 14:16

That’s what you’ll be doing later…

Yuna🖤💙, 14:16

later? 

are we doing something i’m not aware of?

Keisuke, 14:17

Can I come over tonight?

Yuna🖤💙, 14:17

any specific plans or just hanging out?

Keisuke, 14:17

Wherever the night takes us c:

Check yes, Yuna, are you with me?

Rain is falling down on the sidewalk

I won’t go until you come outside 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:18

serenading me with We The Kings? a man after my own heart <3

Keisuke, 14:18

Is that a yes?

Yuna🖤💙, 14:19

when can i expect you here?

Keisuke, 14:19

SHE SAID YES!!

Uhhh I mean, I’ll be there around 8, if that’s okay with you? c:

Yuna🖤💙, 14:20

hahaha of course. are you eating anything beforehand? we’re making pancakes..

Keisuke, 14:20

I’m having dinner with my brother after work, but thank you for asking c: 

I won’t complain if you save me one to try.

I sent him the address just in case he couldn’t remember where the building is and practically skipped out of the room. Mai was in the kitchen, enjoying a cup of tea, and waved me over to join her at our dining table. 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:21

See you then :)

“Based on your red cheeks and the smile that’s not coming off I’m going to guess the first text conversation went well?”

“He’s coming over tonight. At 8. I need to shower. I need to clean my room.”

“Oh good heavens, please tell me you’ll be in your room and not venture out into the bathroom again,” she rolled her eyes.

“We’ll try to behave. Maybe we won’t even have sex tonight, we’ll watch a film, talk for a bit…”

“...feed him your vagina and feast on his dick, yeah, yeah, I get it.”

“Seriously, Mai, this man is making me feel tingly just thinking about seeing him again, but I may actually want something more with him.”

Mai’s expression switched into concern. I knew she wanted what was best for me and to protect me from my own stupid mistakes, but I doubt anyone could have a chance with Keisuke and not jump on it.

“Just don’t obsess over him to the point where you can’t see the real world anymore. That’s all. I get it, he’s hot, but you deserve a 10/10 personality, and not just a 10/10 appearance.”

I kissed her cheek and headed for the bathroom to take a shower and get my shit together.

I changed my outfit for the third time when the doorbell rang. Mai got up from the couch to open and I walked out into the hallway just as Keisuke walked in.

“Hey Kento,” Mai greeted as he simply smirked at her.

“Hello Mina.” His eyes found me and, having taken his shoes off, he joined me in my bedroom.

Just as the door was shutting Mai got her last remark in, “No screaming!”

Keisuke chuckled and turned to me, looking me up and down.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you again, how are you?” 

After breaking the kiss for a breathing break he lay back onto the pillow he slept on the other night and looked at me with amusement on his face. I got closer to him, unsure of what exactly to do.

I sat him down and joined him on the bed,

“I haven’t been able to get this stupid smile off my face ever since I walked out of your shop.” He caressed my cheek and I felt myself leaning into his touch when he pulled me closer to him and kissed me, taking my breath away.

“Did you want to put a film on?” He offered. To be completely honest, I wanted him naked, suck his soul out, and have him break me in half, but I may have been rushing into things. 

He must have noticed the want in my eyes, because he sat up, closing the distance between us, and held my face before whispering,

“Or maybe we could get this pent-up need out of the way first,” he kissed my lips gently, “and then be at peace for about,” breaking his sentence he bit my bottom lip, “let’s say half an hour before,” this time the kiss was deeper, needier, “enjoying each other a little bit more, hm?” 

He rolled me over onto my back and gripped me tight. His hand snaked through my t-shirt to hold my breast, eliciting a desperate moan right into his mouth. His kisses trailed down to my neck, scraping his protruding canines across my skin, with a deft movement he slid my top over my head, leaving my breasts exposed to his hungry eyes.

“It was almost physically painful, thinking that I wouldn’t see you again, that I wouldn’t get to do this.” I gasped when he took my nipple into my mouth, his tongue swirling over it as his teeth nipped it playfully. My hand immediately went to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of his hair to ground me. The hand he didn’t use to hold himself up went between my legs, dipping under my underwear an d directly between my lips already needy for his attention.

When I rolled my hips up into his hand to get more friction he lifted his head up, flashing a devilish grin and licking the tips of his canines, making me slippery wet.

“Why did you even bother putting these on? We don’t need to rip another pair, do we?” If I wasn’t already turned on, that would’ve done it. His voice was low with a raspy tone that made me feel feral for him.

“Keisuke please, I need your tongue”, I whined. With a grin he pulled down my panties and tossed them aside, his fingers still stroking lazily along my folds. I felt my breath hitch every time he passed the clit, desperately trying to raise my hips to meet his touch. 

“Patience, gorgeous, we’ll get there. I want to make you a bit needier first.”

Wow, what an asshat.

“Keisuke I’m-ah-I’m begging you, touch me, fuck,” my pleading seemed to work because he immediately dipped his head down and started feasting on my needy pussy. He moaned into my puffy lips, flicking his tongue over and around the clit, making me ascend with pleasure. My hand flew back to his head to grip his hair which dragged out a beautiful moan from his soft lips, now wet with my juices, buried in between my legs. His tongue was desperate, accompanied by his fingers pushing inside of me, curling to rub me just right and make me nearly scream into the dark room.

“Hold me tighter, sweetheart,” he squeezed out in between licks, making my grip tighten and I hoped I didn’t accidentally pull his hair out. Feeling another moan directed into my clit sent me into ecstasy, I could hear my heart thumping and my ears focusing on the sounds of Keisuke lapping up my juices like there was no tomorrow, and with that I came on his skilful tongue,

“K-fuuck Keisuke!” The look on his face was hungry for more, he wiped his face with his own hand and licked the wetness off. 

I reached for my drawer to get a condom, but he stopped my hand, grabbing his phone instead and showing me the screen. It was some kind of document, and when I tried to focus on reading it he explained,

“I got tested on Thursday, got the results yesterday,” he pointed at the bottom of the screen, “Completely clean.”

That made things a bit easier and possibly more exciting. “I’m on the pill and haven’t had sex in over a year. Got tested right after…the last time and I’m also clean.” 

His smile seemed to grow with every word I said so I dropped the condom and went right to taking off his clothes. When he was naked in front of me, his cock glistening with precum in all his glory, I reached to touch his lean body, admiring the pale skin of his stomach, littered with scars. I felt the sudden urge to kiss every single one of them. He gently pushed me back and grabbed one of my hair bobbles from the nightstand, holding it in his teeth to collect all the hair in a ponytail.

That trick is so hot, I needed his teeth all over me . 

He positioned himself in front of my entrance and started teasing his tip over my needy hole and puffy lips.

“You have no idea how much I wanted to feel you on my cock,” he looked down to where we were connected, “to feel your pussy squeeze me and make me weak.”

“What’s the holdup then, Keisuke-fuck- fuck ..ah fuck me already!” He didn’t need another push, he slammed into me, making me cry out, and lowered himself down on top of me to kiss me deeply before pulling almost all the way out and pushing in again. 

I was losing myself in him, his slow pants and moans directly into my ear were making it damn difficult to slow down the wave of pleasure that was swallowing me. My nails were leaving marks on his back, only encouraging him to go faster and harder. When I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I bit his lip and came with the most desperate moan. 

Keisuke lifted me up and switched positions, sitting up against the headboard and me sitting on his cock. Then I began bouncing myself on him and rolling my hips, his hands firmly on my hips helping me keep pace. I threw my head back and let out a groan while he attacked my collarbone with his teeth. 

Still keeping a steady pace, he licked up to my ear,

“You feel so good wrapped around my cock, taking it whole. Such a good girl so full of me. You’re all mine , all mine , just mine to- fuck -to please.” I quickly brought my head back to look at his face. The hunger in his eyes, his forehead sweating and loose strands of hair sticking to him. He looked feral, just like he had said I made him feel, with his distinguished canines. I took it all in.

“All yours?” I managed to squeeze out, holding onto his shoulders for balance.

“All mine. I’m not letting you go fuuck I need you. I need to hear you cum for me again. Say you’re mine.”

Through pants I whined, “I’m yours! I’m- fuck- I’m all yours! Take me how you want me Keisuke! Ah fuck I’m cumming all yours!”  

That made him trap my lips in his, swallowing my cry and fucking me through another orgasm. Slowing down slightly to give me some rest he swapped us back to the previous position, this time not leaning over me, but looking down at my naked form, still fucking into me.

“You look so good like this, a hot mess all because of me. Tell me you’re mine.”

I started slurring my words, “‘m all yours, Keisuke. I’m yours. Fuck keep going please…”

My pleasure began to build again, this time threatening to take me fast, almost crossing into overstimulation. My walls began tightening around his cock and his hip movements started getting irregular - he was getting close to finishing.

“Where do you want me to cum, sweetheart?” I couldn’t form my words properly anymore, I was so drunk on his cock hitting my cervix with each slam into me.

“ Ah inside please please Keisuke come inside me fuck,” that was the last straw for him, with a final grunt and thrust, he spilt inside of me. Just as I felt his warm sperm coat my insides, I came again, this time unable to take any more friction. He slowly pulled out and lowered himself to take a closer look at my leaking pussy. He smiled at me,

“You look so good with my cum spilling out of you.” With that, he licked my entrance, making me twitch with sensitivity, and hovered over me, kissing me with his sperm still on his tongue, making me taste the  mix of both, his cum and mine.

I couldn’t find the strength to reach for wet wipes to clean myself up, but he was already on it as soon as I pointed in their general direction. He cleaned me up, gently trying not to overstimulate me again, and tossed the wipes in the bin. I closed my eyes, completely exhausted, when I felt him climb into bed next to me and gently pull me closer to him. He kissed my sweaty forehead and I could hear him softly whisper, “You’re mine .”

If you've come this far then you may as well rb or like :) Constructive criticism is welcome as I hadn't written anything in YEARS before this so I am rusty af and don't have a beta reader :)

[collapsedglasshouses]

An Angel for Noah || Noah Sebastian x OC [Part 1]

DIVIDER ART WORK BY @cafekitsune

PAIRING: Noah Sebastian x Jules (she/her)

SUMMARY: When Jules finds herself assigned to be a rockstar's guardian angel, she couldn't be more overwhelmed.

WARNINGS: ANGST (LIKE A LOT), talks about death and grief, talks about mental health issues, talks about religion, swearing, … (each chapter is going to have individual content warning, if I forget something pls let me know)

A/N: Hello! I'm back with a new series. I’m not religious at all but I wanted to do something like this because it spooked in my head for years but I never found a fitting story line. Also this was my way to tribute Keaton Pierce, whose music I loved and whose death still makes me so incredibly sad. So this fanfic is dedicated to Keaton and therefore very dear to me.

Keep in mind, this takes place in an alternative universe. Even though I write about real people, the way I write them has nothing to do with how they are in real life.

If you wanna be added to the tag list, please let me know in the comments or DM me.

When her alarm rang at 6 AM, Jules was everything but pleased. The weekend had been way to short and the gravity of life slowly began to hang on her shoulders again. Sometimes she couldn't believe how stressed she was at such a young age.

She was twenty-two years old, a music student at Juilliard and literally all the pride and joy of her family. Being an only child of a couple who wished to have children for years, made it very clear that Jules was going to have everything she needed in life.

So when she crawled out of her bed and made her way into her bathroom, she reminded herself of how proud her parents were always going to be.

When she looked at the clock again, she realised she was running late, so she quickly grabbed her coat and scarf, before heading to the front door, where she reached for her backpack and keys.

Not even five minutes later she ran out of the apartment building and looked from left to right. Quickly she started to walk in the direction of her university. She knew she couldn't be late again. It was only weeks before a very big performance with the school orchestra and this semester she finally got the opportunity to play one of the first violins.

When she reached one of the big crossroads, she quickly glanced at the green traffic light and than back at her phone, ready to dial her best friend's number to inform her about her possibly being late.

But she hadn't had the time for that, because the next thing she knew was a sharp pain in her whole left side and than a hit on her head.

When she woke up again, her head rang. The room she was in, was so bright that her eyes just couldn't adjust to it. It took her several minutes to finally realise where she was. She was laying in a hospital bed. Or was she even laying? She just noticed her parents in front of her. Eagerly Jules tried to remember what had happened but she just couldn't put the pieces together.

"Mom?" She asked weakly but couldn't hear anything except her mother's muffled cries.

Jules felt so different. She could remember the immense pain she had right before she was here but she just couldn't think of the thing that made her feel like that. When she tried to get up, it was easier than she thought. Everything just felt so light and easy.

She sat at the edge of her hospital bed, when she realised that she had no cables attached to her. Why was she even here, when she wasn't even in pain?

"Mom? Dad?" She said again but again her parents didn't answer her.

She sighed before standing up and turning to the bed, when it hit her just like the vehicle earlier this morning.

Why was she still laying in that hospital bed?

Jules's gaze wondered between her parents and herself. Her parents were crying. Her mom almost crumbled in her father's arms, while he tried to hold himself together.

When she looked back at herself in that hospital bed, she just couldn't believe it. She looked awful. Her hair was tangled and a bandage was wrapped around her head. She couldn't even recognize herself anymore. There was no color on her except the blood sticking on her forehead and neck. When Jules noticed that even on her other self no cables were attached, it really hit her.

She was dead.

Her parents cried because they lost the only child they had. The child they loved more than anything. And only because she was looking at her damn phone.

"The driver is still alive." She heard a familiar voice behind her and jumped a little. When she turned, an older man stood at the door of the hospital room and she instantly recognized him.

"Grandpa?" She asked the man in front of her and couldn't believe her eyes. He stood there like she remembered him. Very colorful and satisfied.

"The driver is still alive. A single mother. She also looked at her phone and didn't realize she drove over a red traffic light." He explained and stepped next to his granddaughter.

Jules didn't know what to say so she just looked at her parents again, who couldn't bear to leave her side.

"What now?" She asked her grandpa, who put an arm around her.

"Now begins your new forever, my dear." He answered her softly before guiding her away from the bed. Jules realised she had began to cry. Everything in her wanted to go back inside her body. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave her parents.

"Five more minutes." - "Jules, you know it wouldn't be just five minutes."

Her sobs became more hysterical. "I can't go, grandpa. I can't leave them."

Jules closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and tried to contain her cries but when she opened her eyes again, she was in a white room. Confused she looked around her while her tears ran down her face. Her grandpa was gone. Everything around her was just white.

"No!" She screamed and tried to run in one direction to get back to her parents but soon her head was met with a transparent wall. She fell to the white ground and held her head in reflex. She couldn't even feel the impact. In fact she couldn't feel any of the things that happened to her. No head injury, no pain at all.

"Let me out! I NEED TO GO HOME!" She yelled with so much anger and sadness in her voice that she knew she would have had a sore throat if she hadn't been dead and therefore numb already.

"Fuck." She swore and ran a hand over her face. This couldn't be real, this was all just an obscure dream of hers. She would be woken up by her alarm in a couple of minutes and she would go to university and she would drink a coffee with her best friend Meghan after classes and than she would call her parents and talk to her mom for hours, like she always did. "Fucking hell!"

"In fact, it is not." A voice suddenly said, causing Jules to get up from the floor and look around the white room. There was a man she didn't recognise at first, but when she got closer she got even more confused.

"Aren't I supposed to be dead? Why the hell do you look like Oli Sykes?" She asked the person in front of her. He laughed.

"No worries, darling. Oliver is pretty much alive." The man exclaimed while Jules eyed the guy closely. There was literally no doubt, he looked like Oli.

"Then why the fuck do you look like him?" - "Oh, yeah... I'm an angel... You know... Heaven and shit." - "I don't believe in god and that doesn't explain your appearance."

"That is kinda rude, Julliett." The man walked through the empty white room and looked around before his gaze landed on her again. "You may know about angel appearances. We normally don't look very human-like. So we got the regulation to turn into someone our new angel trainee wouldn't be scared of... And since I know about the dirty little fanfiction you read when you thought you were alone, I thought I would make myself attractive to you."

Jules mouth fell open. Did an fucking angel just out call her and her taste in fiction?

Her cheeks must have been a dark red tone, because the Oli look-a-like cleared his throat and began to talk again, "No worries, I wasn't the one who was spying on you. That was own your guardian angel."

Jules couldn't even talk. She hadn't even had the time to process her passing and now some Oli Sykes guy tried to tell her something about heaven and guardian angels.

"I know this is a lot, so imma just talk you through it. I'm just here because your guardian angel is a very busy one... You know... Sometimes not enough people are fitted to become guardian angels and than our workers need to protect more than one person and than things get messy... That's actually why you aren't playing your violin at the moment... BUT... To his defense, he really has some difficult people to watch over and that is where you come into the game." 'Oli' told her, while her mouth still stood slightly open. She knew if she would have been alive right now she would have drank herself into a coma.

"And who is my guardian angel? And where the fuck did my grandpa go?" Jules finally asked.

"Your grandpa his back at his well deserved rest. He just wanted to make sure you got here and wouldn't freak out." - "But I AM freaking out right now." - "Well, you are stuck with us so no need to panic." - "How kind of you."

"To your other question. You guardian angel will be here any minute." 'Oli' explained and with that there was a door banging shut and a stressed man appeared in the nothingness this room was.

"I'm so sorry... I couldn't make it earlier." A man stumbled into the room. He had blonde hair and soft face features. His nose was decorated with a nostril and he wore a band shirt and a black jeans. He instantly made Jules feel comfortable.

"Jules!" The guy exclaimed happily and gifted her one of the most heart-warming smiles she ever received. Immediately she recognized the feeling she had in her stomach right now. She felt it pretty often over the last couple of months. Was it him? Did she always feel it when he was near?

"I'm Keaton... Your guardian angel." He introduced himself to her and she felt herself began to smile. She liked that name.

"I know this is all very confusing. I do remember being in your position pretty well." He instantly started to explain and Jules noticed how his smile turned sad for a moment. He hadn't been here for long. "They are very picky about their guardian angels, so consider yourself lucky to be part of the team." He joked, before looking at the Oli-angel.

"You can go if you want, I'll take care of her." Keaton told the angel and with a last examining look, Oli smiled a little and than disappeared into thin air.

For a couple of seconds Keaton looked like he didn't know what exactly he wanted to say, so Jules decided to take the lead. "I just wanted to thank you for helping me. The Oli look-a-like told me you were really busy with watching over us all... You did your best. I felt protected... You couldn't save me from being dumb and looking at my phone."

Keaton looked surprised by her statement, blinking a couple of seconds before talking. "Thank you. That means a lot to me... I feel really guilty though... You were literally just an adult and now... You are here."

Jules shrugged her shoulders and gave him a reassuring look. "So? Guardian angel? What am I going to do?"

Keaton reached out to grab Jules's hand and before she knew she sat on a bench near a forest. The scenery was beautiful. The sky slowly turned into red tones while the cold wind blew around her face. She wasn't cold, but she felt everything.

"I wasn't really fond of this whole Heaven thing myself... But they really except every opinion. If you don't believe in god, it's fine. If you do, it is also fine. They usually don't have anything to do with this whole thing anyways." Keaton started to explain. "You will be assigned a person, you will guide over."

"And how exactly do I do that?" - "That is yours to find out."

Jules looked at him confused.

"You will find your ways. The only things I can tell you are: You protect them. You need to guide them. You need to prevent them from making mistakes. If you fail, they fail. If you succeed, they will thrive." Keaton explained and Jules didn't know what to say, so she just nodded confused.

"They asked me to assign you someone. You always get to watch over someone that matches you and your energy. It will be easy. Really. I got the opportunity to watch over my friends. My best friends to be exact." He explained further. "So I am more than honored to tell you, you were the first person I was assigned that I didn't already know when I was alive and it was such a fun experience seeing how a twenty-two year old reminded me so much of myself when I was younger."

Jules eyes turned a bit glossy. Seeing Keaton talk about his past and everything, made her so honored and sad at the same time. They were just two souls that were took way to early.

"So, I'm literally going to be the one to support you by taking over some of your duties?" Jules asked interested, nearly forgetting the fact, that she died not even 24 hours earlier. Keaton nodded.

"But since I know you, I decided to give you just one task." Keaton than explained, "It is something I trust you with and I just know, you are going to be the right person for it."

Jules gestured for him to continue talking.

"You need to watch over my friend Noah for me."

PART TWO HERE.

[khlorhine]

Jjk oc opinions

Kitagawa Tamaki edition

I don't have any new art so make do with this slightly older drawing that was hidden in a week old post. Please click the link for info on her background. That's her boyfriend to the side as a human, his name is Fuyuki Mitsuya.

It's mentioned later in the post but I prefer reading powerscaling stuff over shipping stuff so correct me if my characterisation if a character is wrong. I love making cursed techniques. Ask me about cursed techniques, I'll happily brainstorm some with you. I feel like my chaarcter is too much of a Mary sue because other than two characters in here everyone is either indifferent to her and doesn't hate her.

Mai Zenin

Mai only hung around Tamaki because she was strong. It's the same reason why Mai hangs around Todo although she prefers Tamaki over him because she didn't have as bad as a personality as him and she finds it easier to get along with girls. Tamaki liked this type of relationship at first because Mai didn't point out her irregularities, just silently judges her. Mai stopped after Tamaki got into a fight with her dad, Ogi, which in turn caused her to get into a fight with Naoya and lose. It put a bad impression on her clan so she just stopped talking to her for a while. She realised she relied too much on other people like how she relied to much on Maki back when she was in that clan. After that they're doing pretty great together. Also Tamaki’s trying to teach Mai how to use rct because she wants to see what a cursed technique reversal would look like with construction.

Kasumi Miwa

The only thing they had in common with one another was the fact that they used swords. There is another swordsman, two years above them (oc: Sai Mizuhara) but hes a first grade and barely had time to train her. Tamaki couldn't train very well with her since she doesn't have a technique to build on so she manipulated Miwa's cursed energy in a way that would emulate a few of her non innate techniques until she got the hang of it. In contrast Miwa helped her with barrier techniques because she just sucked at them, thinking they were literal shields rather than seperators of different zones. After Tamaki went through a switch in weapons their weaponry training started to pick up the pace. Their personalities don't mesh well though, Miwa thinks she's scary in the the same way she thinks Todo and Kamo are scary because she's always itching for a fight.

Kokichi Muta

Mechamaru has information on her that only the principal has like the fact that she killed her boyfriend, and when he came back as a curse she turned him into a human curse hybrid. His heavenly restriction was unfortunate but his (oc: Mitsuya Fuyuki) was deliberate. He empatises with him because it wasn't his choice in the matter, therefore he can't bring himself to like her. Tamaki does not like him either because his technique has a lot of potential that he just does not take advantage of.

(Ok I know this is opinions but there's like a whole body swapping part where a curse switches their body and I wanna write it so bad but I literally only have a third of Tamaki's backstory (mind you backstory it's still in the first arc) written so writing something like two arcs ahead is just stupid. Basically they start to respect each other because in Tamaki's body, mechamaru develops a heat blueprint (refer to the licked post up there) and Tamaki does some insane RCT in his body that can only be done with his amount of cursed energy using it basically how mahito does with his own body but with RCT. This is because mechamaru wants to live in a body where he's not in pain all the time and Tamaki wants to prove to him how cool his body is and also because she wants her body back she can't do her experiments as well as she normally can in his body)

Aoi Todo

He mistakenly thought she had a thing for cursed spirits when he first saw her and he respected her on the basis that she wasn't boring until she corrected him, telling him she would quite literally date anyone who talked to her because she talks too much about jujutsu and nobody liked her at her old school, which caused them to get into a fight. They're pretty good allies though since they're both strong and the fact that they were both initially trained by special grades before their enrollment. (I realise most of the characters compare her to him but I really am bad at describing relationships when all I want to do is make up overpowered abilities. I'm more of a powerscaler than a shipper)

Momo Nishimiya

She's kinda weak so I can't go on a tirade about improving techniques with my oc because tool manipulation in theory is super awesome but I don't know the limitations of her abilities. It's definitely not weight since she can carry a fucking panda and three humans including herself on the broom. It probably has to do with focus, I guess she just can't split it between two different tools but if that's the case why can't she carry around a spare knife to throw at someone when she's not on her broom. That leads me to another theory where she can only manipulate objects she herself cursed but she's not part of the main cast so why do I even care so much.

Being serious here, Nishimiya is cool with Tamaki because she often breaks gender norms though Tamaki cannot get along with her because she used to care so much about not being normal that having a reminder that she's actively go against that makes her freak a little because she already knows all that she just doesn't want anyone to vocalise it to her. Also she feels her technique is under utilised.

Noritoshi Kamo

Noritoshi does not like Tamaki because she's experimented with making human curse hybrids before. Her obsession with his evil namesake ancestor doesn't help either. He can respect her for her strength but Tamaki genuinely can't understand why his clan is in the big three when the six eyes and ten shadows are much better techniques than blood manipulation which doesn't help their relationship. She beats the fuck out of his half brother (oc: Takayoshi Kamo, he's doing illegal stuff so it's justified sort of), takes away his technique(s because he eats a death painting and gets blood manipulation) so now he just sees her the same way he sees Todo. Bad personality but reliable. Also free rct. She heals him when he asks and she's also teaching him how to use it as long as he does her favours like ask his half-brother stupid questions in his jail cell or give her his blood or let her take a peak at the remaining eight death paintings. Stuff like that.

Arata Nitta

Arata just sees her as a bit overbearing because she fixates specifically on him for rct training. His technique is really useful in medical situations and Kyoto tech does not have a dedicated healer. This so also because she killed her boyfriend and in the moment developed rct but was very sucky with it so having someone like Arata to step in would've been pretty good so it's mainly done out of guilt for being a sucky person.

Iori Utahime

Utahime understood her situation from Gojo and tried her best to guide her in the right direction. Tamaki, at the time, couldn't respect her at all because she only cared about hyper offensive techniques and her aggression fucked her over in a few fights. After that Utahime suggested she practice weapon forms, kind of like Utahime's dances and she got better at handing her emotions and started respecting her teacher.

Yoshinobu Gakuganji

He wants her DRUGGED, BEAT, EXCECUTED, BURNED, AND THROWN INTO THE OCEAN. jk it's not that serious but he does want her dead. She used to work with Geto and he thinks she's a bad influence on his students since he cares about them so much. He's a traditionalist in every way and everything Tamaki does is the complete opposite of what he wants. He prefers her in Kyoto tech rather than Tokyo tech because this way she can be closer supervised and taken care of the moment she steps out of line unlike in Tokyo where Gojo would be prevent that.

Tsukumo Yuki

They can respect each other but they just don't get along. Yuki wants a world without cursed energy but jujutsu is the only thing Tamaki is good at so to take it away would make her life miserable. It doesn't help that Tamaki’s technique could also be used to increase or reduce someone's cursed energy levels or take away techniques so Yuki has an excuse to bug her. They like to talk about research but it gets real awkward when Yuki tries to bring up that subject. It also gets awkward when Tamaki starts accidently talking about evil ancestor Noritoshi because no jujutsu sorcerer likes him. Tamaki really likes Tsukumo in terms of jujutsu. She knows rct, domain expansion, it's very heavy hitting which is what Tamaki likes.

Suguru Geto

He was her mentor. They have pretty similar techniques since they can both manipulate curses so he was a great teacher for her. Geto can give commands to his cursed but they can think for themselves, Tamaki's just takes away whatever free will they have and contorts their body since she can't manipulate their souls, just the part of them that is cursed energy but whatever overlap they had was very helpful. Initially he wanted to keep her away from all this because she didn't hate non-sorcerers. He's got a soft spot for her and while he was dying, rather than tell her to regroup with the others he told her to go to Satoru Gojo because that kind of path would've been better for her. Shes not very grateful for that because she could've been working with Kenjaku if she had gone back but she doesn't hate him for that because that's just stupid and he was a really nice teacher to her.

Kenjaku

He inherited Geto's soft spot for her when he took over his body. She has a very clear obsession with him because of his want for pushing jujutsu to its limit meanwhile Kenjaku thinks she's a great back up body if Geto's were to ever perish because she's got a good technique. Kenjaku's genuinely never heard of her before he took over his body but he finds her interesting even without her technique with what he knows now. They don't share the same opinions on some things though. Kenjaku is very disappointed with all his creations because they never go beyond himself, meanwhile Tamaki loves his creations because they're the physical proof of what jujutsu could be and the building blocks of most of her creations which she loves very much so she could never understand why he'd even be disappointed. Being able to create something, anything is an amazing feat, especially for someone as academically challenged as she is.

Choso

Tamaki really likes him but never tried to talk to him because she knows Noritoshi finds her gross for liking Kenjaku but she doesn't care because they still work together fine regardless of that but with Choso so she wants to respect his boundaries and they are never forced into working with eachother so they can't even form a similar relationship to what she has with Noritoshi. Choso doesn't hate her though because if Yuji is fine with her then he is too. He knows she only likes Kenjaku for his research but telling this to her isn't his main priority since they're not really a big thing in eachothers lives.

Yuji Itadori

They met after her head injury so she was a bit crazy compared to how she was with Megumi and Nobara when they talked. She was in the room when Sukuna revived him and his body was what interested her the most because it was strong like someone with a heavenly restriction but also held tons of cursed energy thanks to sukuna's fingers. She's weird around him because of sukuna, she likes to ask questions about what it's like being a vessel and holding another person inside your body so obviously he thinks she's weird but from what he's heard from Kugisaki and Fushiguro she's reliable so he thinks that too.

Megumi Fushiguro

They met when she was working under Geto. Tamaki never told him this though but he was aware of the fact that she's a curse user, he just chose not to mention it to anyone but Gojo picked up on it because duh he has the six eyes. Megumi thinks she has a good personality since she got along with his sister in the time Tsumiki was still alive and conscious. During the sister exchange event he was surprised to see her again as a sorcerer and not a curse user and they exchanged contacts after it. The ten shadows is a very good technique so she's really excited to see him eventually tame all the ten shadows. (That never happens through megumis hands) At least she has his permission to disect him when he dies.

Nobara Kugisaki

They initially met in a one off interation when she was still working with Geto. Nobara thought she was kinda wimpy but the wimpy type that she should protect because she's a city girl and not used to the countryside. During the sister exchange event Nobara was happy to see her and was pleasantly surprised to see Tamaki be a bit unhinged. They also got each others contact after that. Tamaki also enjoys Nobara technique. Techniques that are accociated with the soul are really interesting to her.

-----

For the next bit I have to say Tamaki was involved in the night parade on Geto's side like she was literally with him and fighting yuta and stuff and she also fought a few of the Tokyo seconds years.

-----

Maki Zenin

Tamaki thinks she hates her for being aligned with Geto when they met. Maki can empathise with her because Tamaki did it to practice jujutsu when she couldn't under her uncles supervision and Maki moved from Kyoto to Tokyo so she can get revenge on her clan so they're not that different. Tamaki thinks her heavenly restriction is cool and (unlike another person with a heavenly restriction) she's making the most of it. Maki would like to see what weapons Tamaki has inside her cursed spirit's inventory. (It's mainly non-weaponty like furniture, dirt, sand, stuff that you can throw at an opponent and now care about wasting stuff)

Inumaki Toge

Not much to say to eachother. They don't talk (haha get it) so they can't form personal opinions on each other. She can form opinions on his jujutsu though. It's decent but the drawbacks aren't worth it in her opinion for someone of his caliber but he's utilising it the best he can and he's a fast runner. She's never seen him do hand to hand or use weapons and imbue them with cursed energy. Maybe it's a binding vow to increase his speech technique.

Panda

He's a panda, pandas don't hold grudges or at least that's what I think he would say. She thinks his technique is OK but it's really all Yaga's doing so she's not very interested in him.

Yuta Okkotsu

He beat her in a fight once and all he got from that is that she's mentally unstable and should seek help (she won't). Because he's not much of a fighter his opinion of her ties strictly to her background and not her capabilities. He can relate with her because they both have dead lovers that they kind of brought back from the dead in a weird and twisted way. He thinks she should try to let her dead bf go because it'll help her mental health (She really doesn't want him to point that out though because she know it's healthier for her but she just doesn't want to let him go).

Kinji Hakari

He thinks she has a lot of fever. She's always itching for a fight so he likes her. Tamaki likes him, he's easy to get along with and he's also the basis for a few of her moves. Their domain hand signs both come from the seven lucky gods and the 24 devas (benzaiten and bishamonten) so they're good buds.

Kirara Hoshi

Tamaki thinks her technique is really cool while Kirara likes her for her hair. Somehow it's not damaged from all of Tamaki's black hair dye. (Idk what else to say, Kirara has only ever been shown using it once as far as I'm aware, defensively but I'm sure she makes good use of it. I can imagine it being used as a homing missile and stuff. It's such a cool concept.)

Satoru Gojo

So they officially met after Geto's death and he kind of sees her as the last bit of Geto, like a gift from him to Gojo. Obviously this means he has to protect her but it was her choice to go to Kyoto tech so it was harder to do the from Tokyo, especially with how much trouble she causes but shes still somehow alive. Gojo thinks her curse is kinda cute, if not a bit unhealthy. Love is a curse and something something idk where I was going with that. Tamaki honestly regrets not going to Tokyo tech to study under him. He's very strong and with his six eyes he could honestly give her some really helpful pointers. She knows more than she should about him because of Geto lol.

Shoko Ieiri

Besties honestly. Shoko was the one who helped refine Tamaki’s rct. Every once in a while Tamaki goes to Tokyo to talk to her and also take off some of her workload.

Masamichi Yaga

He can make an army but he chooses not to, the fuck? At least everyone who comes out of his school is strong.

[babytarttdoodoo]

This isn't a fic request (though I am looking forward to a lot you've got on your pending list!!) but you write Roy x Jamie so nicely as an established couple. Would love to know your thoughts on how they get together and how that relationship works?

Oh, gosh, well, thank you for asking! This all may well make it into a longer fic one day but in the meantime have my disjointed ramblings.

Firstly, I do think it would be a decent amount of time after canon before they got around to it. Like, a year at least.

Roy is taking steps to work on himself (namely, he has to deal with his temper and communication before they would ever be able to work) and needs space to work through that. Jamie is also experiencing probably the most stable period of his life he's ever had and deserves time to enjoy it.

If we think that Colin and Michael's kiss didn't cause an absolute riot in-universe, I could see Jamie coming out as bi (even if only to take the heat off Colin) and dating a few men publicly. We love a sexy little king getting to safely explore his sexuality with a rabidly invested support network around him. This could also be what triggers Roy to start thinking about him in that way.

Might be controversial but I don't think either he or Roy would have a lot of experience being involved with other men from pre-canon. Between football culture and the potential risk to their careers, women were just an easier option. I do, however, believe Roy knows he's attracted to men (20 years in locker rooms pls), but is just repressed enough to have never seriously considered that his fixation on Jamie might be romantic or sexual in nature.

Realising he feels jealous is a genuine surprise. It's probably still a while before he does anything about it.

Honestly torn between ' a heat of the moment kiss followed by lots of Talking' or 'Roy invites Jamie to dinner and A Very Mature Conversation'. Either way, they definitely need to talk extensively before anything happens.

Roy is Jamie's manager. Yes, I know there are instances of it happening in the women's game and being fine. A relationship between two very famous male sports personalities would, unfortunately, be a whole different kettle of fish.

Therefore they agree to:

Go slow and feel out if this could even work before getting too deep.

Having a few confidantes in the know (Keeley, Georgie, Rebecca, maybe Beard) so they're not in a closed loop of secrecy with each other.

Keeping professional decisions out of it as much as possible.

That last one is contentious because so much of who they are individually and to each other is tied up in football. When they do, in fact, think they can have a serious relationship, it becomes apparent very quickly that they also have to tell the team. One, because it will keep them accountable; two, because the number of times they're nearly caught fooling around is genuinely ridiculous.

Roy smiles at Jamie a lot. It's a bone-chilling sight without context.

Jamie will move to another team eventually. It's what makes sense for his development and career path. I have more thoughts on that trajectory but for this I'll just say that, when he starts getting offers, he does consider that it might make keeping his work and personal lives separate a lot easier.

There are a lot of good times. They understand each other extremely well. They push each other towards self-improvement across the board. Jamie is wonderful with Phoebe. Roy and Simon develop a baked goods based bromance.

There are some tough times. Their careers takes them all over the country and beyond. Distance strains them. They both internalise a lot of negative feelings for fear of ruining what they do have.

(They each think the other deserves better. They are idiots.)

But talking to each other always gets them over the hurdles. Loving each other always brings them back together.

Once Jamie steps back from playing, falling back on modelling and charity work with underprivileged kids, they finally, quietly, go public.

The wedding is beautiful.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Sketchbook Week Day 7 - Cellularity

Summary: Trolberg General Hospital is a lovely place to work in. Unless you piss the pathologist off, of course, in which case it's hell. But she is hardly ever even seen in those white corridors, anyway, and apparently her mood has gotten better in the past few months since the new paediatrician had been hired.

That day was an unfortunate exception to Dr. Underhill's new wave of goodwill, though.

Notes: Written for @sketchbookweek Day 7 - Alternate Universe

‘Oh if we give people a free/AU day, they’ll surely make good use of it!’. WRONG. HOSPITAL AU 🧠🫀🫁🦴🧑‍🔬🔬🏥🏥🏥 🏥🏥🏥🚑🚑🚑🚑🚑🚑🌡️🌡️🌡️🌡️🌡️🥼🥼🥼🥼🥼🥼📋📋📋🧪🧪🧪🧫🧫🧫🧬🧬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬💊💊💊💊💊🩹🩹🩹🩼🩼🩺🩺🩺🩻🩻🩻🩻🧠🫀🫁🦴

That being said, content warning for discussion of health conditions, cancer, hospitalisation… all that stuff. Nobody actually suffers, this is silly fanfic, but keep that in mind if those are sensitive topics for you <3

-> The reference numbers scattered throughout the chapter are all things that I thought might be nice to explain. You can find the notes at the bottom of the fic, though they will be easier to read if you do so in ao3 (I put return to text options there)

Read it on ao3

When anyone asked Kaisa the reason why she’d picked this job, there were many different answers she was used to giving. She wanted to help people. It was all terribly interesting. It was the area that felt the least overwhelming. She just had a natural affinity for it. None of them were lies, and she’d gotten good at choosing which sides of the truth to reveal to each person who asked her, depending on how close they were. But the embarrassing truth that she was never going to admit anyone, was that she’d chosen pathology, simply put, because cells were pretty. She’d chosen it way before she could rationalise any of those other explanations. Way before she’d even realised her path had been traced, back when she was still so certain she’d follow in her tutor’s footsteps during histology class.

It couldn’t be helped. One look into a microscope and she’d been a goner. Those blasted hepatocytes would always be remembered as the thing she fell in love with the most quickly in her entire life. Though not by much.

So here she was, at this crossroads. Because she’d chosen this specialty - before she’d seen its other merits - for its beauty. Because for all that this might sound silly, the fact that she was in on this hidden, miniscule world and therefore was the only one who could find answers to truly essential questions sent her reeling every time.

But how the fuck was she expected to explain what was going on with the cells if there were none of them?

Kaisa huffed, giving up on the endeavour of finding a single useful cluster after she’d already run through the entire slide with no luck. Only useless blobs of stringy colloid [1] - which, okay, did look pretty but was not at all helpful - and the odd cell here and there. It was not, in any way, shape, or form (and it’s worth mentioning that a pathologist knows a lot about shapes and forms) enough for a diagnosis. And that’s because she knew what she was looking for, because truly, a child with a single thyroid nodule, irregular outlines and microcalcifications? She knew what that reeked of. And so did the paediatrician, who had immediately ringed Kaisa about it. She’d picked up the very second it had rang, of course. Kaisa didn’t much like using her cellphone to actually talk, but for her she always did.

And it had been a good thing, too. Always helped to know what to expect of the new slides that came in. Most doctors in the hospital liked to think of pathology as a magic lab you could send your problem to and just have it miraculously disappear, but contrary to popular belief Kaisa was not some sort of magician. She was not going to guess which card you picked. Nor was she going to throw around diagnosis without knowing the first thing about a patient’s case.

She shouldn’t have to, at least. But anyone would be hard pressed to remember a single time she’d gotten her verdict wrong, even when the information she’d been provided with was nowhere near sufficient.

Perks of having chosen the superior area of medicine.

That, and talking to nobody.

Which was clearly not working for her at the moment since she had to hastily turn off her microscope’s light to strut down Trolberg General Hospital’s not-so-busy corridors (admissions were on the lowermost floor), people in scrubs and white coats moving out of the way at the inpatient look on her face. She wouldn’t ever knock over anyone, of course. But they didn’t all necessarily know that, and would probably rather not try their luck.

The silent halls began gradually filling with sound as she moved out of the labs area. One floor down, to the surgical wards; now there were companions, friends and family of those admitted spread across some of the chairs lining up the walls, hushed conversation over the phone as someone delivered whatever news they had to the family members that weren't able to be present. Another flight of stairs and she was at the clinical wards, this one with corridors much more busy not because of companions, since patients there usually didn’t stay for long - for good reasons, get your mind out of the graveyard, Christ’s sake - but rather because of the rustle of nurses and technicians going from ward to ward. Kaisa rather thought that one blond woman she saw walking around was a nutritionist. Must be lunch time for them.

She really wouldn’t know. She’d been so caught up in going through every millimetre in all the slides from that damned fine needle aspiration (fancy way of saying you reverse-injected someone’s throat, that was) that she’d completely lost track of time and internal cues of hunger.

Come think of it, that may just play a part in why she was so damn pissed. Maybe she should take a break. The case wasn’t filed as urgent. She could easily go to the cafeteria, get her blood sugar levels back to normal, and deal with that issue later like a cool, controlled person.

She didn’t do that, of course. Kaisa knew very well what her hurry was about, and it wasn’t lunch time. Instead, she went down the last flight of stairs, where the clinics were, and marched straight up to radiology, uncaring if the patients all waiting to be called for their consultations, sitting or standing calmly near the walls, thought she was mad as she walked around with her white coat flowing behind her like a cape.

Oh, hell, she’d forgotten to close it all the way through again, hadn’t she?

The point was, when she’d arrived at the imaging centre, she’d worked herself up to such an unpleasant-looking state that no one so much as tried to stop her from strutting right in. ‘White coat effect’ means more than just blood pressure rising when you’re around. It was why she still wore it to work even though there was nothing to get dirty with at the lab.

Well, to avoid contamination too, she supposed. But it was mostly to Look Cool and to Open Doors, and everybody knew that.

The secretary let her know right away where the doctor was. All the aspiration’s slides had come with Lloyd’s stamp under the analysis request, so there was luckily no doubt about who she had to go to for this.

He had locked himself away in one of the report rooms, and was understandably startled once Kaisa opened the door up without as much as a knock to warn him. Light from the corridor immediately flooded the dark room, making him shield his eyes since he’d looked back at the sound of someone entering. He didn’t even have the time to ask her what was going on before Kaisa reached beside the door frame and turned on the ceiling lights.

“Come on, man!” It was the most emotion she’d ever heard him put in a sentence. Perhaps she should attempt to blind him more often.

Unwilling to remain there any longer than strictly necessary, Kaisa picked the folded request from her pocket and extended it towards him. “Did you do this FNA [2]?” The question was redundant given his stamp and signature were both present, but an accusation being the first thing out of her mouth sounded like it was a step over ‘rude’ and already inside ‘might get you kicked out of the imaging clinic’ territory. The younger man reached out to grab it and attempted to read even though he was still blinking from having to adjust his eyes so suddenly to the brightness. Even so, it took a couple moments longer than Kaisa would have deemed reasonable for him to give an answer.

“Hmmm, yeah?”

“Yeah?” She repeated a bit mockingly. “There isn’t a period at the end of your sentence. I’m only asking to be polite, what is yeah? supposed to mean?”

He rubbed the back of his head, with its ridiculous monk-like haircut. The man didn’t look shameful, only tired and more than a little annoyed at Kaisa’s presence.

“I mean, I asked for the cytology. But I didn’t do it.”

There was an answer already ready at Kaisa’s tongue. It went something among the lines of ‘what the fuck do you even think cyto means [3] if you don’t give me any damn cells to bloody look at?’ The plan was, however, foiled by the last part of his sentence. Her mind screeched to a halt

“What?”

Aware of what that must have sounded like, Lloyd raised his hands before Kaisa could start screaming at him. The sooner he got rid of her, the better. It was way too bright in there for his tastes.

“I let one of the students do it.” He said it as if it were a good thing, but Kaisa actually thought she was about to faint. “There’s this quiet little guy that shadows me often. I thought he was ready to give it a try. He’s already in his third year, you know. Was scared shitless, but it worked out in the end.”

Many thoughts swarmed Kaisa’s mind all at once, all fighting for a chance to reach her mouth and to maybe influence her to hit the radiologist’s extremely punchable face. Third year is far from old enough and are you fucking talking about David?!, but the one that came out instead was:

“You thought it’d be a good idea to let him practise it for the first time on a ten year old?”

Lloyd blinked, but it was the only show of emotion in his face. His brows, eyes and mouth remained as inexpressive as ever.

“Oh, the kid was ten? I didn’t really read the examination request all the way through.”

TIldy was going to be so very upset if she got expelled from the hospital for attacking a fellow doctor. Her left eye twitched. She bit her own tongue to try to keep it from spilling something that she’d come to regret. Her hands balled into fists. Yes. Tildy would be very upset indeed.

“Yes.” Kaisa said through clenched teeth. “The patient is ten.”

Lloyd seemed to take a moment to consider the information, though Kaisa doubted he was using more than two neurons to do so. It took him no longer than five seconds to lose whatever train of thought he'd been running after (if there had ever been one at all) and raise both eyebrows at her. Only slightly, of course. No one would ever be able to accuse him of emoting any more than was strictly necessary.

"So?"

"So?"

"I mean, it went well. He told me he'd gotten the patient to cooperate and had done what had been requested. By the looks of it, you got the material, didn't you?"

She had gotten the material, which was something he should give more thought to. It meant she had several useless pieces of glass to spare, and she really wouldn't mind using them to play target practice with him.

"Did you-" Kaisa spoke slowly in hopes that a little bit of breathing would ground her. "Instruct him on how to do it properly, and on what to ask the patient for? Because the cellularity in the slides you sent me is shit. I can't see anything. At all."

The man shrugged. "Well, I didn't just send him to test his luck. I let him watch me do it several times."

"But was he present when you talked to the patient? Does he know you need to ask the patient to, I don't know, stay silent? Or to not swallow? Or to not breathe too deeply when the exam is being done?"

"Well, no. I tell them that before they go to the ultrassonography, and the boy usually stays there. But, you know."

The sentence was left there. Right there. Kaisa began popping her fingers joints. Raven would be beyond annoyed.

"I do not know." She growled, and Lloyd just sent her a level look.

"It's very instinctive to ask for these things." He completed, to which she took what she hoped looked like an intimidating step closer. It was hard to feel in charge near most of her coworkers, but Lloyd's energy was so perfectly described by 'wet and pathetic' that it helped matters along for her.

"Well, clearly it's not instinctive!" She poked pointedly at the exam request with his stamp, his signature, and what she now understood to be David's calligraphy. "You know what's instinctive, though?" He shook his head, letting the tiniest bit of apprehension show by the bob of his cricoid cartilage. "To speak, breathe deeply and swallow when you are ten and someone's sticking a needle in your throat!"

The message finally seemed to have come through his thick skull, and he moved to his monitors to close the thorax radiographies he'd been looking at (someone had a pretty nasty pneumonia, apparently) to look for images and notes on that exam in the system. Kaisa wondered if he'd ever done a tomography on himself. She doubted the rays would have managed to have made it inside his head.

Maybe that was exactly the problem, though. Maybe he had been smart once and all that radiation had just melted his brain into something gooey and bright green. Heavens knew it was entirely likely.

"See the nodule?" He asked once he had found the young boy's file, and all the exams that had been performed on him in it. "It's not markedly hypoechoic, which is good. But the contours aren't precise and there are some calcification foci. What do you think?"

She thought it looked black and white and blurry. People who understood ultrasonography were either able to see stuff that other people weren't, like they were medicine's shrimps, or were just straight up making that shit up to make everybody else feel dumb. Kaisa saw a black ball in the middle of a light grey streak, thank you very much.

"I think the nodule's image matters very little to me right now. I need the material."

"Well..." Lloyd rubbed at his chin, looking entirely disinterested. "That's gonna be a problem. I already told him to send you all the slides that could be used."

"I only got four!"

"Yeah, the other ones were hemorrhagic [4]. You wouldn't have seen anything either."

Kaisa took a deep breath, and was proud of herself when the exhale didn't come out a scream. She also put a fingertip to Lloyd's chest and told him in no uncertain terms what he had to do, and what she'd do to him if he didn't go through it.

She was also proud of herself for that.

.........

It was a common misconception that hospital food only sucked for patients. Kaisa had no idea where it had come from, since it seemed very cruel from the people who had actually promised to only ever help them to have good food and only give them access to the soggy, saltless one. No. Hospital food was just all around trash. They all blamed the nutrition department for it; they were right to do so, too.

It wasn't like they didn't have other places to eat (the hospital staff, that was; the patients truly had no choice). They were in the middle of a bustling city, there was no lack of dining options in the blocks surrounding the hospital.

Did they ever go to any if it wasn't a special occasion? No. Because the laziness to even leave the building during their working hours united them all and made them hostage to hospital food.

"Hemorrhagic." Kaisa mumbled under her breath as she toyed with a roasted baby potato on her plate. "Fucking erythrocytes. They shouldn't even be real cells."

"What are ye whining about this time?”

There was a clatter as Edmund not so gently placed his tray on the table, sitting down on the spot right in front of her. He looked tired, and Kaisa would have worried that his morning had been too harsh except that tired was just how he usually looked. She threw her hands up in the air, not really caring that she probably sounded like a toddler.

“Red blood cells! They’re a pain, they don’t-”

“They don’t even have nuclei, yeah, I know, we’ve had this conversation a couple of times before. It’s never about them, though. Which slide is kicking your ass this time?”

Kaisa crossed her arms and slid a few inches down the back of her chair. The cafeteria was mostly empty, way past its rush hour. That meant the food was no longer as fresh, but Kaisa preferred that over the insufferable noise of every physician in the place talking all at once. It was mostly the technicians who ate at that hour of the day; they were eons more bearable. Especially because they didn’t try to engage her in small talk.

Edmund being there didn’t bother her, though. She hadn’t gotten truly close to many people regardless of how long she’d been working at that same hospital, but the infectologist was someone she was reasonably sure she could call her friend. Him, and the psychiatrist as well, she had to admit, even if she’d known her for a long time before; madwoman had grown on her like an MRSA colony [5]. Which unfortunately didn’t mean she wasn’t stressed enough to prefer not to speak to anyone.

“None.” She lied. “It’s nothing. You’re looking far worse for wear than me, though. What is it?”

Though she was under no illusion that he was convinced, Edmund took the bait. That meant, of course, that he must be bursting to talk about it. Which he did, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, his food remaining untouched while Kaisa took the opportunity to continue eating hers.

“I think I’ve got a case of spotted fever.”

She raised an eyebrow, barely finishing her chewing before speaking. “Why the suffering over it? You like these weird diagnostics. If you already narrowed it down to spotted fever you can begin treating it, right?”

“Yes!” He laid both hands flat on the table surface. “That’s not the problem! The problem is that he could have been diagnosed and treated long ago if his GP had been moderately inquisitive. Wanna know how I found out?”

Kaisa nodded, though she knew she’d end up hearing it no matter her answer.

“I asked about any recent travels and the patient, unprompted, showed me a picture. Of himself in a forest.” Edmund leaned forward towards her, lowering his tone of voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Holding an Amblyomma sculptum.”

Nodding slowly, Kaisa leaned towards him across the table as well, keeping his gaze and a deadpan face. When she was close enough that she could feel the man’s breath across her chin, she whispered with the same solemnity as he had.

“Your little bug names mean nothing to me. [6]”

“Wow!” He leaned back in a swift motion and crossed his arms. “See if I ever let you show me a ‘pretty eosinophile’ again!”

Kaisa also returned to her previous position, except this time her right elbow was on the table and she was pinching the space between her brows. “Ugh, sorry, Ed. I didn’t mean it in a rude way, I’m just not in a good mood today. And I really do have no idea what that name means.”

For all his talk, Edmund was a patient man. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he was. He opened (though ‘open’ might be too strong of a term for the subtle expression on his face) a compassionate smile for her

“It’s one of the tick species that transmits the Rickettsia rickettsii.” He answered, and Kaisa patted herself in the back for not calling him a nerd for throwing another scientific name at her. “Now will you tell me why you’re grumpier than normal?”

“I- yes, well, I suppose I should.” She sighed, not even bothering to protest the accusation. It was hard even for her to bear herself at the moment. “I’m just frustrated because the cytology samples for a patient I wanted to diagnose as soon as possible came with very low cellularity. Couldn’t see shit. And when I went to Lloyd to talk about it, it became clear that it was his fault. He let a student do the aspiration for the first time without any supervision whatsoever. So now we’ll have to wait two more weeks [7] to redo it and see if I can get some decent slides.”

“Hm.” Edmund played with his food more than he ate it. Kaisa had a good inkling that he was probably wishing it was a sandwich instead of an actual meal, but didn’t want to eat one in front of his coworkers. Had to set an example, and all that. “Well, not Lloyd’s smartest idea - not that Lloyd ever has many of them - but I guess the student had to begin somewhere.”

“Somewhere didn’t have to be a ten year old.”

The infectologist lifted his gaze to her, suddenly looking a lot more excited. Which never bore well, of course.

“Oh, so this isn’t about the slide, is it?” He asked with a mischievous twinkle to his eyes. Kaisa squirmed in her seat in front of him.

“What else would it be about?”

Humming in fake contemplation, he rubbed his chin before answering. “Maybe, just possibly, it could be about the new paediatrician who someone has oh so kindly been trying to befriend?”

Kaisa almost choked on her food. Almost, because her mouth hadn’t actually been full, so it would have actually been an achievement if she’d done so. She was certain her cheeks were getting red, no doubt giving her away.

Fuck, this was the major downside of having friends. She’d thought she was being subtle.

“Edmund, I’m a professional!”

“Of course you are.” He said, a little more seriously. “And honestly, you need to get rid of this idea that being a professional means not talking to anyone. It’s healthy to have people you rely on. Nothing more natural than getting close to the people you work with, too.”

Kaisa tried to look away, but he petulantly flinged a crouton at her to get her to pay attention to him.

“Listen, it’s been cute seeing you try to hide this crush-” At that point she opened her mouth to argue against the accusation that she had something as embarrassing as a crush, but he lifted his hand to ask for her silence. For some reason, she acquiesced. Probably because she knew she had no good arguments against him. “But I just want you to know you can be straightforward about it to me. I can be your wingman!”

Impaling a potato with her fork, Kaisa grumbled. “I don’t need a wingman. I need sufficiently cellular slides.”

“Which brings me to my next point.” He continued as if he had never been interrupted, completely unfazed. “You should be there for the kid’s next FNA.”

“What?” It was bold of him to suggest she leave the comfort of her lab. Very bold. “Why would I do that? I don’t know shit about ultrasonography.”

“‘Course not. But I bet it would be easier for the patient.”

“How the fuck does having another nitwit in a white coat in the room help the patient?”

Edmund rolled his eyes. He was a good decade older than her, and even though most days it didn’t feel like it, every now and then he’d act just condescending enough that she’d remember it. It made her want to deck him each time.

“Do you have kids, Kaisa? Nephews?” He asked even though he knew damn well the answer. She shook her head anyway, glaring at him. “Well, I do. And let me tell you, a ten year old patient will not be happy about going through all that again. It’s a wonder they even managed to do it the first time.”

“And you want me to do what, distract him?”

“Comfort him. You can’t do a lot but you can make sure the kid and his parents know that there is at least one doctor who truly cares about the case.”

Bastard. He had a point. And he probably knew she’d recognize it too, judging by his smug smile.

“Besides, that’s the way to know the procedure will be done correctly, isn’t it? Get your slides as soon as possible and run to your lab. Wouldn’t want to leave the patient’s doctor waiting.”

She didn’t even acknowledge the jab, but Edmund’s smirk made Kaisa hyper aware that this wouldn’t be the last time they talked about the subject.

…......

A lot of time had been lost with her whole mad dash for proper cytology samples, so after she came back to the lab Kaisa found out she was behind schedule. That sure did put a damper on her plans to sneak down to the paediatrics clinic, but unfortunately she had to admit it wasn’t actually necessary to go there.

“Hey, Johanna. Kaisa here.” She said and immediately cringed, turning her face away from the microscope’s lens and to her phone, deleting the audio she’d begun recording right away. It was an audio message in a chat they’d already begun. She didn’t need to introduce herself, for heaven’s sake.

Pressing the recording button again, she went back to the prostate biopsy on her microscope, even if only to pretend - to herself, seeing as there was nobody else nearby - that she wasn’t completely focused on Johanna.

“Hey, Johanna. Sorry for the audio message, I didn’t want to call you so I wouldn’t bother your consultations. I looked at the slides from that patient you were worried about. The ten year old with a papillary carcinoma suspicion. I’ll have to get back to you about it, though. The cellularity was awful, Lloyd will have to call him back to repeat the FNA. I’m so sorry about that. You, uh, you might want to contact the family to tell them that yourself. Both because they know you better and because Lloyd has the sensibilities of a rock. Um. Yeah. That’s all. Good afternoon.”

Kaisa sighed and dropped her head to her hands as soon as she’d pressed send. Her brain hadn’t actually registered a single thing she’d seen on that slide.

Her answer came around half an hour later - meaning she’d been right not to call - when Kaisa had actually already managed to diagnose a benign hyperplasia, write her report on it (easily the worst part of her job), and move onto the next slide. It was a couple of short messages in a row, which initially disappointed her, silly as that was. She’d sort of been hoping she’d also get an audio message back so she could at least hear Johanna’s voice. However, when she read it, she immediately decided it was better than a few seconds long recording.

Johanna (ped)

Hi, Kaisa!

Ugh, that’s frustrating to hear, but I’m sure they will understand. Thank you for letting me know, I do prefer to tell them that myself

Also thank you sooo much for checking that out and getting back to me so quickly. I truly appreciate it <3

Are you free this evening? Heard there was an italian place two blocks away and I thought we might try

Well, I might try with you, at least. I’m sure you’ve been around long enough to already have eaten there 😅

Kaisa bit back an embarrassing giggle - even if her microscope would have been her only witness - and down on her bottom lip. She’d finish looking at this slide and then she’d answer, she promised herself. It would be her first time visiting whatever place that was, and she couldn’t be more excited even if she didn’t care about the food. Though she’d never admit to Johanna that the promise of her company was the only thing strong enough to ever get her to leave her hospital-home routine.

…......

The procedure was uneventful the second time around. Not that it didn’t involve a fair bit of whining from the patient’s part, but Kaisa rather thought he was more than justified in it. Like hell she’d have allowed someone who looked like Lloyd to pierce her throat. He was a lot more cooperative than he could have been, and all in all, Edmund had been right (not that she’d ever tell him that). It seemed like Kaisa’s presence really did mean a lot to both him and his father.

Not to blow her own horn, but she kind of could see why. She definitely thought - hoped - she inspired more confidence than bloody Lloyd.

As soon as it was done, Kaisa took the slides to her lab technicians right away. They seemed to take her pleas for speed seriously, given that in almost no time at all she had the samples on top of her microscope’s stage.

No unusual architecture; the cells weren’t arranged in papillae or swirls. No enlarged nuclei, nor were they irregular, pale, or had grooves or pseudoinclusions. She searched every inch of the six slides she’d gotten and there wasn’t a single atypia, psammoma body, giant cell, hobnail cell, or anything else that might give away a papillary carcinoma. There wasn’t anything that might indicate any malignancy, truth be told. All Kaisa saw were clusters - six in her least cellular slide and fifteen in her most cellular one, thank the heavens - of perfectly normal looking cells. That, and a lot of colloid.

She breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t usual for her to get attached to cases. But she’d actually seen this patient and it was a child. She’d have been lying if she said she wasn’t hoping to find nothing. That, and she bet Johanna would also be pleased.

Foregoing her usual etiquette of not leaving her lab unless something urgent was going on, Kaisa turned off her microscope and began the path down to the paediatrics clinic. The fact that it was a cyst didn’t erase that it had been big enough to bother the patient, and that there had been small calcifications on the ultrasound. She supposed that could be a remnant of past inflammation on that area; she definitely wouldn’t know, since nobody had given her the patient’s history as per usual (though this time she wouldn’t admit it was Johanna’s fault as preferred to blame the universe for it).

Johanna would probably have to sit down with an endocrinologist to decide which would be the best course of action. Kaisa had heard that ethanol ablation [8] worked well for some of these cases, it would likely be a better option than having the kid undergo surgery. Even if that would mean having to work with Lloyd again for the procedures. Either way, whatever it was, and whatever would need to be done, it wasn’t cancer. And that was reason enough to brave the packed full corridors of the lowermost floor of the hospital to deliver the news herself.

The paediatrics clinic was by far the loudest one in the hospital. Not because of the poor children (though there was a fair bit of crying and screaming going around), but because of parents. Kaisa still remembered with terror her paediatrics rotations from her time in med school. One of them had almost made her cry.

At least the structure was uplifting, seeing as the walls were covered in drawings and all the nurses in that area had white coats embroidered with fun patterns and the doctors had decorations on their stethoscopes. They all looked genuinely alive, which was more than could be said about the workers in any other area of the hospital, really. They had the kindness of palliative care workers and the energy of emergency room physicians; Kaisa couldn’t feel more out of place if she tried.

Luckily, it didn’t take her long until she found the room in which Johanna was consulting. The door was open, so Kaisa could see her give the young girl sitting on stretcher a lollipop, meaning she was probably done there. After five minutes and a couple of words exchanged with the parent (keeping the aspirin bottle where the kid couldn’t reach was of the highest importance, apparently. Kaisa really wanted to know what the story there was), the patient and the adult walked out hand in hand, and Kaisa nodded in acknowledgement to them before walking in.

“Hey, are you free right now?” She asked with just her head stuck inside the office, immediately startling Johanna, who had been rubbing a wet wipe on her stethoscope. Kaisa laughed while the other glared at her half heartedly, and she let herself in.

“Sorry for interrupting you in the middle of your work day, I just thought I should come talk to you personally.”

Johanna hummed, putting away a box filled with flavoured tongue depressors of every colour there was. “You do that a lot.” She remarked.

By then, Kaisa had been leaning her hip against the stretcher, but her balance hadn’t ever been all that so she nearly lost it (along with all her rational thought) when she heard that.

“I- what? I thought I didn’t interrupt all that much. I’m sorry, I’ll avoid-”

Halted by a whip of Johanna’s head in her direction, she blinked when she saw Johanna frowning at her with worry.

“No, dear, you never interrupt me.” She said softly. The endearment did something weird to Kaisa’s insides which she couldn’t really explain. What was an itch in the hypogastric region [9] a symptom of? “I mean you say sorry a lot. And it’s never warranted.”

Kaisa opened her mouth, to say sorry, obviously, but caught herself before she could. Which resulted in the likely pathetic image of her standing there with wide eyes and a hanging mouth. Noticing exactly what had happened, Johanna laughed, stepping closer to her.

“It’s always good to hear from you, Kaisa. Now, what did you want to tell me about?”

Shaking her head (maybe a good waggle of her synovial fluid would do her well. Yes. That made sense), Kaisa tried to remember why she’d come down to the clinics in the first place. Oh yeah. Thyroid cyst.

“You will be pleased to hear that you guys were wrong in your papillary suspicion.” She said and watched a grin spread on Johanna’s face. “No malignant cells in sight, lots of liquid. No clue what you’ll do about the symptoms, but lo and behold-” Kaisa made her silliest dramatic voice. The atmosphere of paediatrics was contagious, apparently. “It’s not cancer.”

“Oh, Kaisa!” Taking her completely by surprise, Johanna threw herself in her arms. She was pretty sure she actually yelped, but at least her reflexes didn’t let her down and she hugged her back instead of just standing there uselessly. Her heart took to beating embarrassingly quickly, and she really hoped Johanna wouldn’t feel it.

“That is such good news! I’ll phone the parents immediately, thank you so much!”

The noise Kaisa made was hopefully a hum of ascent. Heavens knew she couldn’t manage to actually say something as complex as ‘no problem’ at the moment, busy as her brain was just trying to process the scent of apple pie and the warm softness that came with having Johanna so close. So very close. Touching her.

When the woman drew back, it was so that she could look at Kaisa’s face (blushing, no doubt) and she still held her by the elbows. To say that Kaisa felt out of her element was un understatement. She let herself wonder, briefly, if the woman reacted like this to anyone who brought her good news about her patients. She quickly decided she didn’t want to know.

“I really have no words for how grateful I am for your commitment to this case, dear. You did a lot more than you had to.”

Kaisa emitted a sound she wasn’t aware she was capable of, like her airways were constricting around something that wasn’t there. Maybe she was asthmatic and just didn’t know.

“It’s nothing.” And the way Johanna’s face was so close she could see herself in her eyes was making her forget everything else so effectively that it might as well really be nothing. She had to make a herculean effort to focus on what they were talking about. “I’ll write you the report in a couple of minutes. Just thought I should let you know already.”

Humming in delight, Johanna proved her intentions of murdering Kaisa by leaning forward and placing a kiss on her cheek. “It was much appreciated. How can I repay you?”

It was a wonder that Johanna didn’t immediately admit her, because Kaisa was certain she must look like she was going into cardiac arrest. The place where her lips had met her skin tingled, to the point where she was immensely glad that Johanna was still close enough for them to be holding each other’s arms so that Kaisa couldn’t immediately take a hand to her face in disbelief.

There was no chance she was going to be able to answer that question like a normal human being. Her brain had just given her a minus two seconds notice and fucked right off. But Johanna was nothing if not merciful, apparently, and didn’t even let the silence stretch into awkwardness before suggesting something herself.

“I’ll tell you what, Hilda has exams next week so she’ll probably be studying the whole weekend. Since that means I’ll be free, why don’t we go to that park you mentioned the other day? We could both use some fresh air, I bet.”

Kaisa nodded dumbly; that was the extent of her reaction capabilities in that moment. The other doctor just smiled, and they managed to decide they’d settle the details later over the phone. It was all Kaisa could do to put some distance between herself and the paediatrics clinic before allowing herself to fully process what had happened and grin like a lunatic.

Well. It sure would be hard to focus on cells for the rest of the day. As unlikely as that was, she’d found something even more beautiful to fall in love with.

NUMBERED NOTES:

1- Colloid is the stuff that’s inside your thyroid follicles! It’s where the hormones are produced & stored  2- FNA = Fine Needle Aspiration. Basically what Kaisa said earlier, you use a needle to collect some material from the nodule  3- It means ‘cell’, btw! Not sure how common this knowledge is, but someone who went through med school would know it, I promise.  4- When an aspiration slide is hemorrhagic, that means that there is waaay too much blood and not enough of the stuff you actually want the pathologist to see. Means it’s useless, basically :/  5- MRSA stands for multiresistant Staphylococcus aureus! It is a. Very big problem. Hard to kill yk. 6- Meiri isn’t in this fic but if she were she’d remind Kaisa that ticks are NOT bugs. They’re arachnids :) 7- You can’t redo an FNA right away because the thyroid needs time to heal before you poke a needle through it again!  8- ok ok this is actually super interesting so hear me out. You can inject ethanol on benign thyroid cysts and that basically makes it dry out. You have to repeat the procedure maybe once or twice depending on its size, but the thing actually just. Shrinks. Just because you put alcohol in there. How cool is that??  9- This is the best way I found to convey butterflies in your belly when you’re a nerd and avoiding your feelings

[alphaman99]

agree or disagree?

am aware of how difficult it is to navigate between what is real and what we call the ‘matrix’, which is a carefully crafted illusion that has been superimposed for our control and enslavement.

It’s a complicated concept to explain, but as the layers of lies are revealed, the easier it will become to understand the level of deception and therefore the depth and intricacy of the illusion we have been living under.

When everything you are exposed to from birth has been created to make you believe in a specific reality, wether it’s real or not, you will believe it to be real.

To little children Santa is real because we have made them think so through all different means of deception; he brings them gifts, he eats the cookies they leave for him, they know what he looks like, where he lives, how he travels and that he watches over them to see if they’ve been bad or good. They live in an illusion they call reality because we engineered it for them that way.

We are like little children who through every possible means, have been deceived into thinking that we live in a hostile world in continuous turmoil because that is our nature, a scarce world of famine and poverty because we are too many and a planet that is slowly dying because we don’t care for the environment.

We have been deceived into thinking we are weak and defenseless, powerless and insignificant, mere cogs in a carefully crafted system based on money and taxation because that is the only way society functions.

And we have come to believe that THAT is reality but it’s not. That is the illusion they have meticulously created over centuries with limitless resources, for our disempowerment and enslavement.

But just like the child one day realises Santa was not real, the time has come for humanity to grow up and face the sick illusion they have fed us for generations.

We are not weak, we are powerful, the world is not scarce it’s abundant, we are not too many, we are still too few, we are not evil by nature, we are loving, we thrive in cooperation and community, not separation and competition, we are not insignificant, we are God’s greatest creation.

The time has come to lift the veil of deception, to see the evil illusion for what it is and to claim back our power, our faith in humanity and our freedom.

Laura Aboli

[relic-seeker]

an explanation of the lore / plot of chapter 13

It's out!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

[Spoilers if you haven't read it] So I understand that when you're trying to shorehorn a whole new kingdom with a lot of lore into ONE chapter in a fic already in full swing, some details may be hard to grasp!! Especially since I don't like being really explicit with my details & find lots of fun in allowing different interpretations etc... But if it interests you this is an explanation of: Sandelle's history, Fvorkle's intentions/plans, the nature of Feste & Quirrel's relationship, & the importance of Romero

History of Sandelle as follows; original peoples who worship the shadows etc, then slowly started to stop, people from OLDDD Hallownest came by & banished the shadows away! Five claimed victory as theirs, but not Higher Beings so instated a random ass king in the form of their leader’s other child, whilst the other became another knight. The weakest never had a child & never passed, growing bitter & wanting to expose the truth, going back to the (worship of) shadows.  

Essentially, the kingdom was much like Hallownest once where the original inhabitants once worshipped the Void / shadows. However, the land was "colonised" by some people from a very ancient Hallownest, namely five knights. They ended up sealing it far underground in the depths of their kingdom, with only some parts of it being able to peek out from the Heights. However, because they weren't Higher Beings, they didn't technically have a claim to the land itself, thus the leader of those five (named the Five Fiertés) had a child with a Higher Being from the land & instated them as the Legion King. Therefore rule was technically in the power of the Legion King, but he was mostly a puppet ruler with the Five Fiertés as the real authority behind the throne. A bit similar to boss monsters from Undertale, when they had children they slowly started to die & were replaced by them (imagine they did some weird black magic stuff to extend their lifespans, bit like Quirrel's mask?), except Fvorkle (the weakest of them five) didn't. He's now just super old & bitter, feeling like injustice has been done to him because he is basically the only person left who actually saw the kingdom rise but it still being sidelined by the other Fiertés.

In Quirrel's journey, Fvorkle has been plotting to use the ancient Void he once sealed away to his own advantage. Employing some of the kingdom's most powerful magicians & academics, he intends to somehow utilise it for himself & rise as a "worthy" ruler -- likely achieving that Higher Being status in the meantime. He's bitter & keeps wanting to prove himself unfortunately, thus why he challenged Quirrel to a sudden fight. Imagine Feste sort of like the Pale King but doing Void experiments not for his own kingdom but to help 'another' achieve power (don't be fooled they're also selfish as well).

On Feste, I actually didn't intend for the romantic sense of the relationship between them & Quirrel til my friend interpreted it as that & a "seduction" for his knowledge. Feste most likely doesn't have a real crush on Quirrel, appealing to him in ways he likes to purposefully manipulate him into giving them what they want -- what do they want? The VOID secrets of Hallownest, of course; I mean, the Pale King already managed to make immortal & powerful beings out of the stuff, which if those prior discoveries were given to Feste, their life would become immediately easier. Their relationship was intended to highlight the flaws that Lemm & Quirrel actually had, such as lack of communication & not conforming to each other's lifestyles comfortably/happily. Therefore, when Quirrel meets someone very similar to Lemm but WITHOUT his flaws, it's pretty easy to fall, right? Just challenging Quirrel's beliefs (such as when he realises WTF is he doing with Feste) & will be a point in an upcoming chapter or two. SO yah, he freaks out at the end because Quirrel's in a moment of "crap have I betrayed the guy I like with someone else except we aren't in a relationship & I just picked someone exactly like him but without his flaws" --

FYI: Romero is also vaguely related to all of this & I purposefully kept it very vague because if it were all exposed easily, a) it wouldn't feel realistic to me & b) the relation of Romero to Lemm would be diminished by his part in the plot & therefore more compared to Quirrel (his character is intended to be a blend of both, but in this instance I needed to highlight what it meant for Quirrel in regards to his uh crush). IF you're curious to know, yes he was one of the first mages to work with Fvorkle but resigned from his position after someone he knew succumbed to the Void sickness (think like Traitor Lord's daughter). In representation, he's meant to illustrate Quirrel's troubled past in the Pale King / Monomon's plan, yet also show Quirrel Lemm's own trouble with secrecy & isolation in the present.

Thank you all for reading & hopefully this may add some clarity to the events of chapter 13! This wasn't a necessary read, but it was for me to nerd out about my lore & stuff :>!

P.S. Another fic I've written called "as imperceptibly as grief" also features Sandelle but after it has fallen (as all kingdoms do). It's slightly different of course because that fic is set in a post-Embrace the Void ending world -- over this fic's post-Dream No More ending. Still, you only have to read the first half or so if you want more details on that, or feel free to send an ask!! (I really get that caring about Sandelle itself is on the backburner & youse would rather read about Quirrel-stuff lol, dw)

here's some chapter related art [not all in the fic itself]

[rainuponme]

Yet another year...

December was one filled with tears upon tears as I was confronted with three big things that broke my heart--friendships, my mother, and the way I view myself. These were things that have circled within me for a long time but I was unaware of them until recently.

I realised how I often looked at my friendships through the lens of loss, which triggers my flight response. There is often a tussle between wanting to withdraw from my friends and wanting to remain, knowing that my flight is an unhealthy one. But out of fear of more heartbreak, withdrawing is the easier way out. It was also through conversations with a few friends that I realised that I viewed myself as unimportant in the lives of my friends and, therefore, I'm always trying to earn my place in their lives as they moved through the seasons while preparing myself to be phased out eventually. This, too, is linked to my incredibly low view of self, where I believe that my friends can and will easily find other friends who are better and can journey with them through their life changes better. What can a single woman like me offer as different friends move into marriage and parenthood?

I remember crying as I realised, with greater awareness, how lowly I viewed myself and wondered why I was treating myself this way. I live believing that I am of little worth and importance, nothing much compared to others around me, undesirable and unlikeable. Why am I like this? Why do I feel so much? Why am I not more of this and less of that? Why am I not like the other person? In these questions I am reminded of what Jovian said to me in cell one night about my work, which I believe is more than just about my work, "You already know all the answers, Minn. What you need to do is to embrace and accept yourself." Ironically, it was my prayer this year to view myself soberly--neither elevating nor condescending myself out of insecurity. Yet here I am, doing the very thing I prayed not to do. But out of His love for me, He shows me that the way I view myself is not sober. It is not right either. Where is He in all of this? My prayer then, for 2024, would be to love Him more, and hopefully in this deeper love, I would learn to accept and embrace who He created - me.

While 2023 was a year of dreams coming true for me, I realised that the joy from this was shortlived. My tendency to focus on my shortcomings and insecurities robbed me of my joy. A part of me thought that with such breakthroughs, my life would completely change. But while some things have changed, many things have remained the same. The painful relationship with my mother remains. It was, yet another year, of struggling with hurts from my mother, new and old. When I came back from Taiwan, I looked around and realised that so many things stayed the same as they were. I wanted to escape from this life, escape from my mother, from my responsibilities, from my pain, from my shortcomings. I wanted out but I'm still stuck here, with all sorts of mess within and without.

This morning, the sermon from CEFC struck me hard. Into His hands I surrendered my life afresh. If there is anything I want, it would be to move where He leads. While I may still be stuck here, it shall be here that He meets me and moves me. There He shall be with me. I don't know what the new year would hold and I am greatly afraid, but into His hand I shall put mine, taking one step at a time, because if 2023 was a year of anything, it was a year of His faithfulness.

[oozeofthecovenant]

Ooze

There are two types of mutagen in OOTC. One primary, one secondary.

Primary mutagen is a byproduct of Utrom atmosphere converters in the TCRI building— the Utroms have protocol to contain it so it doesn't contaminate their temporary home planet, but some of the machines were faulty and the Utroms were unaware— partially to do with the workers at the facility, and Bishop's external bribery to keep it hush hush.

The way primary mutagen mutates organisms is that it enhances/increases the self-awareness and intelligence of any organism with or without a nervous system, as well as anthropomorphising them and giving most the ability to speak. If a human were to come into contact with it, they would gain high intelligence but mostly keep their physical state with slight alterations that are easily overlooked.

Secondary mutagen is a highly reactive substance synthesised by Agent Bishop and Dr Baxter Stockman, who were previously capitalising off of the outflow of primary mutagen by using it as the main power source for their laboratory/office building.

After the Utroms fixed their atmosphere converters' mutagen disposal unit, Stockman and Bishop decided to synthesise their own chemical compound that manages to generate enough energy to sustain the high-energy work they do in Stockgen and the EPF. This is the secondary mutagen.

How it mutates organisms is by fusing the DNA of any organism with DNA into one— essentially creating amalgamations of species. If the mutated person has an obvious larger abundance of DNA of a certain animal, they will instead take on that form. However they will still retain their human-like cognition.

How it reacts to organisms mutated from primary ooze is very different— it reverses the mutation, essentially acting as a form of retro-mutagen which has slow-acting, but permanent consequences.

Examples of people from primary ooze would be Seymour Guts, who started out as a network of prototype organic nanobots which somehow ended up in the ocean, being bathed with ocean water contaminating the stuff. The nanobots gained an ability to coordinate extra well, forming a fully functioning organism with its circulatory system consisting of mutagen, hence the Mutagen Man. Because his cells are Nanobots Premium, Seymour is very fragile and needs extra care or he'll be splayed back into a network of organic bots.

The kidnapped children on D'Hoonib were exposed to mutagen because Krang got impatient when he realised that their intelligence level had not reached the point where they were able to conceptualise the Utroms' scientific theorems. With an enhanced intelligence they were able to be about as intelligent as the average Utrom at their point in lifespan, therefore made it easier for Krang to tell them about important concepts yet-to-be-discovered by humanity.

The Mutagen Bomb using secondary mutagen mutated many humans and changed their lives forever, including Jennika and one other Mona Lisa who was, at the time, babysat by April for the past 3 days and hence mutated into a human-salamander hybrid.

[tenacityreturns]

" hey, can i put eyeliner on you? " why you may ask? kise will respond with why not?

@sociieties

"why?" kagami asks, with no disgust or malice in his voice. just pure curiosity. maybe tinged with surprise, at most.

"why not?" kise will reply. why should kagami have expected anything different?

he's been told by reliable sources, kise in the past, that it's not like it hurts. and kagami has seen for himself that whatever brand of marker ("marker"?) that kise uses is fully sweat proof, so there'll be no emo band au for kagami if he forgets he's wearing it!

the redhead turns a little sly for a moment. "you can do whatever you want," risky choice of words, "if you agree to play a one-on-one with me."

kagami doesn't back down from his proposition, therefore kise has no option but to accept. so they're sitting in kise's room -- that is, the spare room. but for now, and forever after, it will be the room kise occupied the first time he stayed in in kagami's house in the states. anyway, they're sat there, on the floor, at the foot of the bed. kagami has his back to the wooden bedframe, sitting extremely still. his face, turned to the light of the window, has not been held like this before. not in any recent memory, anyway. before starting his magic on kagami's eyes, kise demonstrated his artistic ability on himself. it's quick and painless! one of kise's hands rests on kagami's cheekbone, the other holds underneath his chin to steady him.

no, but, like, this is totally not normal... maybe make-up is making him nervous for some reason because he's critically aware of EVERYTHING right now. his eyes are closed, but he can sense how far away kise's face is by the steady sound of his breathing. he smells so good, by the way. it's probably some expensive scent he got from a promotional deal, or something glitzy like that. maybe the president sent it to him for valentine's day. kagami almost smiles at the thought, but he stops himself. he is under too keen an observation to start laughing at his own thoughts.

open your eyes, kise instructs. okay! his dark crimson eyelashes flutter open. he wasn't keeping as still as kise would have probably liked, not that he's aware of it. it wasn't that he was exactly flinching, but his eyelids tensed here and there under the pressure of having to remain so still. he'd also convinced himself that if he did move, he would immediately be blinded. so. that didn't help. as his eyes open, he realises how much further forward his own posture is. maybe kise's hands had guided him closer so it's easier to see? maybe kagami moved by his own volition? who knows. doesn't matter. it's weird seeing kise so up close. he's concentrating on getting the lines right, and his gaze flickers between kagami's eyes with a look of determination about him. no-- not quite. kise's not meeting his eyes, he's looking at his eyelids. it's just as well, really. gives kagami time to look at him and not feel seen while doing it. where the hell else is he supposed to look? kagami wonders if kise wears stuff on his skin to keep it so clear looking, or colour on his lips. maybe he doesn't? kagami realises he's not looked as his friend's mouth enough to have noticed the colour change. it's strange to think that kise's eye shape is different than what it looks like from far away. he still have absolutely ridiculous lashes, and beautiful curves to his eyes, but the black lines make them look longer still. he tries to find where skin meets lashline, to glimpse at what he really looks like. (spoiler: it’s kise but without eyeliner on.)

he feels his throat tighten. shit, is he allergic to the eyeliner ink ("ink")? when he opens his mouth to try to voice it, he doesn't have any words to speak. no air to manipulate, no sentences on his tongue. oh, god, is his heartrate speeding up? is he actually about to die? what if he goes blind and he can't play basketball anymore? his hand takes a hold of kise's wrist -- not the one he's drawing with, but the one under his jaw. now the pen is away from his eyes, kagami manages to say: "is it supposed to feel funny?" whatever that means. his chest feels weird still, but it all lessens now that he's looking for that mirror laying somewhere nearby. "huh," he muses as he picks it up, "guess i'm fine. i can't feel it anymore."

it's surprisingly neat. not as fine as the lines on kise's own face, but that's kagami's fault for moving so much. he looks down at himself in the mirror, realises this is maybe a bad angle, and raises it a little. well. he looks kind of stupid, but again, that’s not the eyeliner’s fault. that kagami doesn’t like what he sees is not important! the shape is different to kise’s because they have a different eye shape, he imagines. it looks better on kise. glancing over at him, he wonders what kise thinks of his handiwork. kagami cracks a smile.

“do i look like an idol now, huh?” the smile becomes a smirk and he leans closer, wide eyes lowering to half mast. “part-time supermodel kagami taiga gonna steal your spotlight, pretty boy?”

the tightness across his chest returns inexplicably, and he doesn’t know why.

[burning-sol]

Just. Talking under the cut.

Yesterday was weird. I keep going back on my thoughts unable to parse what is reality and what isn't and questioning whether what I did was reasonable. In hindsight, I do think it was right for me to feel gaslit. There were so many things that were off but I was scared and I couldn't say it where more than friends could hear.

It's weird to tell someone who's expressing that something was transphobic that "no it wasn't, actually it was very supportive!" And then you go on to talk about if I don't agree with the thing in question being accurate to trans women's experiencing, then I should read a comic called "gaslighting" where the trans character is being told by the other that what they experienced didn't happen.. That's obviously meant to be a parallel to me. And then when I feel provoked and point out how I feel like *I'm* being gaslit, I'm shut down.

I start getting picked apart for things like the fact I wrote transwomen as one word, I get told I'm transmisogynistic for treating the other in a way that wouldn't have been different if it were any other person, later I'm told that my figurative language of feeling "talked over" isn't literal for therefore I'm wrong, I'm told that my comic where there's TWO transfem characters where only one of them is behaving aggressively is transmisogynistic because I portrayed how I felt the interaction happened. There was also a post made where I think it was implied that I'm TME, which is transphobic to assume of strangers on the internet who you don't have any insight to the experiences of.

This might seem over dramatic but, being a victim of emotional abuse including repeated gaslighting, I feel like this experience of being undermined was something I accurately described in the words I did.

Also, there was a comment about how the other did not have the means to suppress my point of view... The individual in question stated she was a friend to a large blogger who has infinitely more reach than me. If the blogger hadn't been understanding and courteous to me, I could very much be harassed into silence. And as I've said before, I am a victim of gaslighting and emotional abuse as well as being psychotic, so I have struggles with recognising reality and am prone to letting others talk over me or insisting they know my reality better than I do. Most people around me, even if they don't realise, have more power over me than I like to think about.

I think there's also an unwillingness to realise that you DO have certain privileges that extend over me when it comes to being trans:

- As a closeted/non-transitioned trans person, there are situations where I may be talked over and excluded by other members of the community because I'm seen as not being trans enough or not trans yet.

- As a nonbinary trans person, people with binary (I know the term is flawed but please don't twist me words here) transitions may be considered the more "normal" trans person.

- As a fem presenting trans with masculine pronouns, evidently, others are always prone to making incorrect assumptions about me in both my offline and my online life, and then criticised because it's "too complicated to understand" compared to binary trans people.

I don't think I have it "harder" or "easier" than trans women, because certain experiences are too different to be comparable and changes from a case-to-case basis. One day, I might be praised for being cis unlike trans women because that's how I'm being percieved, another day, I might be insulted because I'm such a "clockable" tranny because that's how I'm being percieved. This is why I emphasise how weird it is to be marked as TME by someone who doesn't know me.

The entire exchange made me feel incredibly unsafe in my own community. If others can feel entitled to shut me down when I try to express I've been hurt by something I saw as transphobic, if people are allowed to label me as a transmisogynist because I was critical of them the exact same I would be of any other person.. I don't feel like there is room for me here. Or anywhere.

And to get personal, a part of why this entire thing was so triggering is specifically because I've been gaslit about my gender identity before. Like, this whole debacle just affirms my fears I should have never expected to feel accepted by the community, because it's not even real. I'm not real. How dare I say I'm trans and speak about trans things when I'm clearly not?

For the record, I don't think this person was "hysterical" or any other similarly disparaging words? I said what I said. I said she derailed the conversation, I said if felt like she was gaslighting me, I said it felt like she was impatient, I said it felt like she was speaking for someone else: it felt dismissive and even emotionally abusive. If I accept that what I did was entirely transmisogynistic and how dare I say ANY of it- that kind of mentality is the exact shit that's going to get me put in an abusive relationship again.

"How dare you complain that you felt gaslit by me, that's transmisogynistic!" <- If I internalise this then any abuser that comes along can exploit this critcism of my "morals" to shut me down, which is also very very vile to me having traits of moral OCD.

Just.. I don't know how to conclude this post. I'm hurt and I'm sad and I've struggling with my psychosis and considering just stopping calling myself trans all day. I just hope that this makes sense and it might be helpful to others if you've experienced something similar. Idk.

[39minormovements]

excerpts from the introduction to against border: the case for abolition by gracie mae bradley & luke de noronha (verso books, 2022)

"Immigration controls do not prevent human movement, nor do they protect citizens. In fact, borders produce many of the social harms they claim to prevent, including loss of life, inhuman and degrading treatment, and rampant inequality. Borders fail to address the conditions that shape migration processes in the first place – global inequalities, the dispossession of lands and livelihoods, climate breakdown – and they render people on the move vulnerable to various forms of exploitation and abuse. Immigration controls cannot be used to protect people’s rights or to alleviate global inequality; they only ever worsen these problems."

"Echoing Angela Davis in her account of prisons, we contend that immigration controls are obsolete and should be abolished. Borders and prisons are both punitive systems for managing undesirable subjects, and both punish people through immobilisation and forced exile. Whatever the important differences between prisons and borders, state violence is in both cases directed towards managing and restricting movement. The struggle for freedom is therefore in both cases a struggle over movement – a struggle for the right to locomotion, to move freely, over fences and out of cages."

"What we call border abolition is concerned with expanding this freedom, the freedom to move and to stay. This does not mean advocating for free movement in the world as it is currently configured, but rather for transformation of the conditions to which borders are a response. Abolition is concerned with presence (the presence of life-sustaining goods, services and practices of care) as well as absence (of violent state practices like detention and deportation). Accordingly, border abolition seeks to dismantle violent borders, but also to cultivate new ways of caring for one another, nurturing forms of collectivity more conducive to human flourishing than the nation-states we currently inhabit. Border abolition is a revolutionary politics situated within wider struggles for economic justice, racial equality and sustainable ecologies, based on the conviction that there will be no liveable futures in which borders between political communities are violently guarded."

…

"Clearly, border abolition is easier said than done. The realisation that the one thing we need to change is everything can certainly be overwhelming. How do we fight to close detention centres and end deportations, stop transnational corporations ruining lives and destroying the planet, while at the same time nurturing spaces of sanctuary and safety in our neighbourhoods? How can we reduce the purview of surveillance, big data and algorithms, while at the same time developing new forms of intimacy beyond the family – all at a time when disaster nationalism seems to be extending its hold over popular political imaginaries? Though the road is long, we should recognise the hopeful signs around us – developments already in motion – and think about the strategies that can build on this work. We need to keep imagining and building, even as despair shadows hope."

image: naomi gennery for shado magazine

[image description: a graphic made with a collage of pictures and texts. at the center stands a head-scarf wearing adult holding hands with a child, shown from their backs. they appear to stand in the palm of a giant hand. around them are barbed wires in curved and straight lines. between the barded wires are several pictures of chain link gates and an airplane as well texts that reads "neglected," "visa" and "no border."]

[androappsgame]

Buy Ludo Game Source Code

Buy Ludo Game Source Code: Smart Investment for Any Game Developer The world of game development is one in which evolution happens very fast. Investment in the pre-built source codes of games is one smart way by which you'll be able to get ahead of the competition. This works out particularly well when speaking about games like Ludo. At ASAG Androapps Technology Pvt. Ltd., this is exactly what you can find. It provides you with top-quality source code for the Ludo game, designed with Unity to give you a robust and scalable product. Now, let us explain why buying Ludo game source code from a trusted Unity game development company like ours is the right decision.

Why Ludo Game Source Code? Ludo has turned out to be the favourite game of generations and has been liked by all age groups of players. With the invention of mobile gaming, Ludo took a different turn digitally towards one of the leading board games in almost every international App Store. You can sell in this ever-growing market without developing it from scratch by purchasing the source code of the game.

Ludo games have growing markets and high demand. According to Statista, the global mobile gaming market is valued at 98 billion dollars in 2020, to which board games like Ludo contributed a lot. This trend might continue, so Ludo presents a very lucrative option for developers who want to enter the mobile gaming space.

Benefits of Our Ludo Unity Game Source Code 1. Cost-Effective:.

It's time- and resource-consuming to build a game from scratch. You can save time and money by purchasing our Ludo game source code. You do not have to waste months of your life in its development or let your workforce be burdened with the huge team of developers. You will have to work on the customisation and marketing side only because the base game mechanics are already developed and tried out.

2. Tested Gameplay

In our variant of the Ludo game, we intend to provide smooth gameplay and make sure that there will be an efficient user experience. Following all the traditional rules of Ludo, it has in store all the fun of Ludo with every modern improvement. Beginning from striking graphics to flawless multiplayer options, it makes our source code for the Ludo game truly unique: just the right balance between tradition and novelty.

3. Fast Time-to-Market

In the competitive mobile game industry, speed means everything. The faster you are to roll out your game to the market, the more likely it is that you will have an easier time in the big market. We can save some precious development time by licensing our ready-to-use source code of Ludo. Personalisation and launching only take weeks, not months.

4. Flexibility and Customisation

Our Ludo Unity game source code is envisioned to be flexible in nature; hence, it customises all the different changes one wants to make with the game according to their brand and target audience. Be it tweaking in graphics, adding new features, or various monetisation strategies—our code is versatile to help in any manner.

5. High-quality graphics and user experience:

One of the critical factors that really made our Ludo game stand apart was the quality of graphics and user experience. We used the robust graphics engine of Unity to develop an aesthetically pleasing game that sucked in players from every age group. Smoothed gameplay and intuitive UI make the game engrossing; users just love coming back for more.

Case Study: Successful Deployment of Ludo Game First, let us realise the power of investing in Ludo game source code by instantly taking up a case study. A game development company that based its hub in Navi Mumbai collaborated with us to develop and launch their version of a Ludo game with our Unity game source code.

Challenge: This client wants to conquer the mobile gaming market by building up a reliable product and engaging within the shortest time possible. Their budget was very low, and therefore they were searching for a solution that would make them outstanding in the market with other already established Ludo games.

The solution: We licensed them our Ludo game source code, which they further customised with their branding and additional features, including in-app purchases and unique game modes. What would have taken a few months in development was given within eight weeks.

Result: Successfully launched the game. Gained huge momentum in the App Stores and crossed 500,000 downloads within half a year. From that volume came a continuous flow of revenue via in-app purchases and ad placements. The customer, because of the pace of deployment and the high quality of the game, was able to establish a credible player within the mobile gaming market.

Why ASAG Androapps Technology Pvt. Ltd.? One of the leading Unity game development companies, based in Navi Mumbai, takes pride in providing the latest game development services. This is why you need to partner with us for the Ludo game source code:

1. Expertise in Unity Development

With years of experience in Unity game development, we forged an expertise in developing visually stunning and technically superior games. Be it the team of developers, designers, engineers, or the intricately complex process, all work relentlessly to make sure that every game developed by us is of the highest level both in quality and performance.

2. Beginning-to-End Support

We won't just throw a source code at our customers and leave them high and dry. From customisation to deployment, we will guide and support our customers through the development cycle. Our team shall always be at your service for any kind of technical glitches that may pose a challenge, hence ensuring that the launch will be smooth and successful.

3. Proven Record of Performance

We have a few games in our portfolio that really did quite well in the mobile space; some of them are even famous board games like Ludo. Beating our own drum, we take great pride in our ability to help our clients hit their targets in very competitive markets within mobile gaming.

4. Commitment to Innovation

We at ASAG Androapps believe in building momentum to synchronise with the fast-moving world of innovation in game development technology. Upgrading skills and tools takes place here continuously so that we may always be prepared to give the best solutions to our customers, to keep them miles ahead of competition.

Conclusion: One can smartly invest in Ludo Game source code from ASAG Androapps Technology Pvt. Ltd. to help you enter the mobile gaming market within a very short period, effectively. With our high-quality, easily customisable, and cost-efficient source code, you can launch a successful Ludo game that engages players and sets itself apart in the crowded app stores.

Contact Us:

Website: https://androappstech.in/games

Mail ID: info@androappstech.com

Address: 502, Kukreja Concord, near Meghraj Restaurant, Shahbaz Village, Sector 11, CBD Belapur, Navi Mumbai, Maharashtra 400614

[cassandradrowning-immersed]

Obstacle Two- The Stage

Our rehearsal process was full of changing and trying new things to create the best piece of theatre possible. The demands for the festival setting brought us into setbacks which we had to work through. Very early in our developmental process, we developed an idea for our set and ideal requirements to stage our performance. Our set was going to be end on, with a bed at the back of the stage and then a vanity with a trifold mirror on it, which would have a gap where the centre mirror should be so the audience can see Cassandra sat at the vanity. Cassandra would address her lines to herself in the mirror, so actually the audience, creating a dynamic and interesting set. The biggest element in the play is the presence of water. In the stage directions, Cassandra is soaking wet in a room where water us above ankle level. Obviously, this would not be possible with the facilities available so we discussed different ways to symbolise the concerning water levels. We decided on everyday household items such as glasses, vases, bowls and other less obvious items being scattered around the set, filled to the brim with water. The set would’ve been relatively naturalistic except these elements to add to the domestic scene. However, shortly after beginning the rehearsal process, we were told that the staging for the festival would be traverse (two vertical lines of audience members, with the performers situated in a ‘catwalk’ in the middle). This means a lot of restriction on movement for actors, each move must be choreographed to some degree to avoid blocking certain audience members, it also means that our original plans for set needed to be seriously revised. We realised that any stationary set would restrict audience members views and therefore we needed a bare stage to make the most of the space. We decided to have a bare set, with any props being brought on by characters. The only piece of 'set' we had was a singluar chair, just off of the end of the audience, for Cassandra to sit halfway through the piece.

Realistically, this obstacle could have been avoided, had we followed the works of Goat Island performance group more prominently. Had we taken the full ecological approach, we would not have been able to imagine our set or performance from when we began. I think this approach, whilst interesting, is easier said than done as we, as creatives, are encouraged to have a vision of what we’d like to create and aspire to get to. I think this set back did motivate us to try and become even more ecological in our performance and take each element of performance as an ever changing idea to create a fluid piece.