#but because it meant something to Molly and to Caleb

[captainsparklefingers]

My shipper heart that refuses to let go of widomauk all these years later hears Ashton talking about wearing a tribute to FCG (which is a lovely thought and I'm gonna get teary eyed at the inevitable new art), the second thing my brain goes to is Caleb in Molly's coat, taking and wearing it not immediately after his death, but after Cree has brought Lucien back. When it's been abandoned and forgotten in the mud and rain. Caleb taking it and wearing it on the trek to Aeor to get their lost friend back.

[explosionshark]

For the 3 words + character/pairing ask:

Blood

Past

Bronze

For one Faith Lehane :D

oh my god, i missed you, bud! thanks for the prompt. i apologize in advance for making this one SUCH a bummer.

set during s07e19 - "Empty Places" (if this piece has a theme song it's "Bloodied Up" by Alkaline Trio)

-

“Hey, what about the vineyard?”

Faith knows she shouldn’t have said it, knows that even before she’s finished speaking, not that it makes any difference. Not that knowing she’s fucking things up worse has ever exactly stopped Faith from taking a situation from bad to fucking irretrievable before, especially where Buffy’s concerned but, fuck, she’d been trying to be better.

It’s just that Buffy has always been able to get under her skin the way no one else could, especially when she’s doing this. That self righteous, condescending scolding thing she does, like Faith’s the biggest loser on the planet, like the worst thing about Buffy’s life isn’t the looming apocalypse or the monsters trying to kill the herd of teen girls they’d amassed, but trying to talk to Faith. 

Buffy stops and turns to face her again. “What?” her voice is quiet, cold. There’s an edge to it, sharp, familiar — a warning. 

But Faith’s in this deep already. And maybe she’s a dumbass for trying to talk about this when Buffy’s already pissed, but, fuck, Faith thinks she’s right this time. For once, out of the two of them, it’s Buffy who’s blowing it, at least as far as the potentials are concerned. Buffy’s always been the one with friends, a boyfriend, a family that talks to her — she’s the one that knows how to be with people, to make them love her.

So why is it that now she’s icing these girls out, when they need her, need someone to make them feel like the fight they’re in is worth it? Why is Faith the one learning their names, taking them out, listening to their worries and wishes and idle chatter while Buffy withdraws and shuts them down and pushes everyone away?

So, yeah. Fuck it. Faith’s going to do this. It’d probably be better for them both if she just kept her trap shut, but she’s learned a thing or two about tough love in the last few years. Maybe it’s time for her to dish it out herself.

“How safe were they when you dragged them off to meet Caleb?” Faith pushes. Something in Buffy’s expression shutters, face going blank in a way that opens a sinkhole in Faith’s gut. But she doesn’t stop. “How safe was Rona, or Amanda, or Molly?”

Faith knows that Buffy’s going to hit her. She can tell when Buffy takes her first step closer, is dead certain by the second step. It’s a telegraphed hit, too — big windup, so B can put her shoulder into it. Faith sees it and she doesn’t move. A feeling flashes through her, quick and electric like lightning — it’s sick dread, it’s guilt, it’s anger and it’s something else, something familiar in the worst way.

Maybe it’s the Slayer, maybe it’s something wrong deep inside Faith in particular, but she sees Buffy’s rage crack the cold facade she’s thrown up between them and she welcomes it. She sees what’s coming and she lets it happen. She hopes that it will hurt.

And it does.

It’s the second time in as many days that Buffy’s hit her. The first time wasn’t so bad. Almost a lovetap — oh, it hurt like a son of a bitch, and it left her flush with humiliation. That’s what it was meant to do — put Faith in her place, especially in front of Buffy’s latest boy toy. The sucker-punch in the graveyard was straightforward enough. Faith didn’t take it to heart — she owed Buffy that one. More, actually.

But this feels different. Not only because Buffy hit her harder this time, not only because there’s no audience to show off for this time. No, this time it’s worse because it’s the first time Buffy’s ever hit her when Faith hasn’t deserved it.

Maybe for all the stuff in the past between them.

But Buffy didn’t hit her for any of that. Buffy hit her because Faith was calling her out, because she didn’t want to hear that she was being a hypocrite, maybe because she didn’t believe Faith had a right to tell her jack shit.

Mostly, because she wanted Faith to shut the fuck up.

Faith goes with it, one knee slamming to the asphalt hard before she manages to catch herself, both palms to the pavement. Her cheek is singing in pain, blood rushing through her ears so loud she almost can’t hear the swish of Buffy’s coat, the sound of her retreating footsteps.

She’s not sure if it’s better or worse that Buffy takes off so fast. Part of her wishes she could have seen Buffy’s face, to know if she was sorry. The rest of Faith is too scared to think she might not have been.

Slowly, she twists, kneeling and pressing her knuckles to the bruise she can already feel blooming under her skin. The skin is hot, her cheekbone aching and throbbing beneath her fingers as she moves to gently probe it, but there’s nothing broken. 

All that buzzing, self righteous anger has flooded out of her, replaced with that old, lonely cored out feeling that Faith knows all too well. She closes her eyes, lets the blood from her re-opened split lip pool at her gum line, breathes in the scent of garbage and spilled drinks from the Bronze alleyway and fuck, she could be fifteen years ago — that filthy apartment, the sting in her cheek from a slap she’d earned from her ma because she couldn’t just shut the fuck up when she needed to.

Did this to your damn self, she thinks bitterly, gritting her teeth in rage and disgust at the feeling of tears welling up behind her eyes. 

She’s always doing this to herself.

Faith sniffs hard and shakes her head, biting down on the broken skin of her lip until the pain cuts through the sorry feeling swelling up in her chest. She blinks back those stupid, useless tears, pushes herself to standing.

Alone in the alley, Faith pauses. She wonders for a moment if she’s welcome back at Buffy’s house, after this. Then it occurs to her that it doesn’t matter all that much how welcome shes is — there’s nowhere else for her to go. There’s no other slayers for Buffy to turn to. They’re stuck with each other.

Faith lets out a deep breath, brushing her fingers over her cheek one more time before she tilts her head to spit a mouthful of blood onto the pavement. Then she starts walking home.

[dent-de-leon]

Lucien being so wary and scared of magic because of the hag that desecrated his brother's corpse, because of the blood hunter scars on his own skin that scared his sister away--because of the way his soul shattered at the height of his ritual, torn asunder and scattered amidst the Astral Sea. Because of the nine Eyes that still brand his skin, still bind him to wizards who have always tortured and enslaved fate touched souls like him.

Lucien is taught first and foremost that magic is pain, that it is fueled by unfortunate victims and those with nowhere else to go, that it is always a powerful mage preying on someone vulnerable. Of course he distrusts Caleb from the very first moment, of course he'd see another mage--employed by the Cerberus Assembly archmage who killed him--and loathe all that he is.

"I'm careful," he tells Caleb and Beau. "Especially around practitioners of magic. Have a bit of a history--especially with those that walked alongside such individuals. Pardon me if I mistrust certain aspects of the arcane that might, I don't know, be hanging out in the unspoken wings of our arrangement. So I'm careful..."

When Veth casts Phantasmal Force on Lucien, conjures that image of Caleb in his mind, it really gets under his skin. "Claim the rest. The wizard's mine." It feels very vindictive and personal. And I think a big part of that is just how much of an effect Caleb has on Molly--a perceived "weakness" Lucien hates himself for.

When Lucien tries to tear into Caleb, he experience this very real, visceral pain, feels how much it physically hurts Mollymauk to hurt Caleb. It's only when Molly's soul sees Caleb is unharmed that that pain eases."His forehead tightened, burning with pain, as if something in there was scratching to get out. It calmed as soon as Caleb turned out to be little more than a clever mirage."

When Caleb called Lucien Circus Man, it truly broke all of Lucien's control for the very first time, shook something deep inside. In the novel, it's enough for Mollymauk to manifest before him visibly, and he's terrified. Lucien despising how much sway this lonely little wizard holds over a shattered shard of his heart, how a few kind words are enough to twist him from his life's purpose, threaten the grand vision he sacrificed everything for.

In that final fight in Cognouza, Lucien makes a point of killing Jester and Caleb first. And as Laura points out, Lucien kept targeting them because they were the ones who kept succeeding on their Persuasion checks with Molly. He punishes the Nein every time they dare to reach out to Mollymauk and really break through, every time Lucien can feel his own resolve slipping away.

So he's especially cruel to Caleb, lashes out at him and tries to tear apart this remnant of another life. He hates that a piece of his own heart and soul still feels for this man, that an Empire wizard of all people is still clinging to some broken fragment that "shouldn't exist." "It wasn't me. He's gone, and you will all die and join me." "He's gone. Let him go. Let it all go." None of it ever dissuades Caleb though. He still fights to bring Molly back until the very end; unwavering loyalty, unconditional love. Caleb refusing to ever let go of Mollymauk, even when it kills him. And Lucien...Lucien is still all alone--

Thinking of all the scars Lucien still bears from magic, how the Somnovem admitted being the Nonagon meant he would suffer terribly. "What will it cost?" "Pain and pain and pain. A dear price for a man, a pittance to a king. And nothing to a god, cosmically ordained."

But then there's Caleb Widogast, Molly's, "softness and light." Caleb's gentle touch as all his magic flows through him--stitching his wounds shut and wiping away the blood, anchoring his lost, wayward soul. He is warmth and healing, the catalyst for Tealeaf's first breath--

Caleb using magic to heal both his own broken heart and his Circus Man's wounded soul. "Caleb is going to set his hands on the Transmuter Stone...and think of all the time and energy that went into making him able to destroy and tear down, and how good it feels to subvert that and turn it, and use it to build. And restore. And heal. And I begun to summon up every ounce of learning, and ability, and skill, and inspiration and imagination I have--and channel it into the soul. And fill it with the shared connection that everyone here has, and try to summon our friend back from the beyond."

[incognetomisquito]

GUESS WHO FINISHED

we got THE mist upon the hill by @ereborslionheart, a Widomauk fanfic where soulmates share their scars, and Caleb is the unfortunate damsel who has to bear through Molly’s recklessness. Dont let my summary fool you though, this fic is brutal and wonderfully angsty

Production rant under the cut :3

The cover is made of 100% genuine leather (according to the tag on the purse i bought at goodwill) and is embroidered with the colors of Molly’ jacket. The back embroidery is meant to mimic his tattoos, because of the whole soulmate thing involving skin.

The leatherbound book and the fire colored headbands were my nod to Caleb. (Plus, if you think of it, how fitting is it to have something of Caleb’s be covered in symbol’s of Molly) If im being honest, my first idea was to paint acrylic scars on the leather, but that pales in comparison to what i landed on.

Im really proud of the typesetting too, I’ve definitely improved since my last bind. (The fic is maybe 10k words longer, but literally almost the exact same size. Thats how much the margins improved)

AND i added a fan poem i wrote for the fic like 3 years ago for an english class. It was “write a poem about a book or piece of media” or smth. Ironically, the teacher accused me of plagiarism bc i put the name of the fanfic by it. I had to inform her that no, the fanfic in question is 70,731 words, my poem is about it, not directly it. Good poem tho, im still proud of it, and i figured itd make the beginning of the book feel more real.

I also put Devon Rue’s map in, specifically centered around where they’re running around in the book, which just simplifies to the Dwendalian empire.

I definitely couldve been more careful with my glue job, and the corners are gonna need protectors eventually bc i didnt cut them right, but overall i am really proud of this.

Hopefully by next book im using printed covers though because i dont know how many more custom fabric covers i have in me. I love them but my god are they tedious to make.

[tickle-bugs]

Ahh bug! You know I’m Weak for anything with Caleb Widogast 👀 Maybe with devious ler Molly? (And/or Essek 👀👀)

Oh drat forgot the second part of that—phrase to go along with Caleb/Molly (& also maybe Essek): “Come now, how are you still so *sensitive*, hmm?”

ily lexi mwah <3 also sorry if i have butchered ur boys but i still hope u enjoy this <3 started thinking about molly being overly cautious with courting caleb because his feelings are real and caleb being like. i wanna kiss you so bad please stop pretending to be normal. which led to this

Resonance

not rly nsfw but the first half is somewhat suggestive? intimate? *vague handwaving* just keep that in mind idk

Caleb’s not sure what they’re doing here, really. Molly’s draped and redraped himself over Caleb every which way for the past hour, but they haven’t gotten close to the substance of their evening’s meet. Caleb had long-since shucked his coat and scarf, but not quite the rest of his clothes--that was supposed to be Molly’s job, or so he thought. 

Molly’s invitation to join him for the evening had been whispered to him over a too-expensive glass of whiskey. Molly’s eyes were lidded, his forked tongue curled--Caleb had thought he’d read every sign correctly. But here they were. Stalled. 

“Mr. Mollymauk--” He tries, but Molly coos at him.

“So formal? I thought we were closer than that, dearest.” Molly blinks languidly and settles down properly atop Caleb. They both sink just slightly into the mattress as he does. Molly walks his fingers down Caleb’s abdomen, pauses at his waistband, then walks them back up. 

Always with the teasing.

“Mollymauk. Molly.” Caleb watches him warily. When claws don’t yet again touch down, he swallows and continues-- “What, ah, are you trying to accomplish here?” 

“I’m glad you asked. You see, I’m quite fond of you, Caleb.” Molly fiddles with one of his holster buckles. It catches the light of the inn lanterns in mesmerizing patterns far too grand for such dull brass. 

“Oh.” Caleb’s face grows warm. “I am…fond of you as well.” 

“Hm, thank you. I would hope so. Otherwise, this whole thing would be quite awkward.” Molly’s laugh is rich and boisterous. Caleb turns the tones of it over in his mind. 

“When you said you wanted, ah, companionship for the evening, I’d thought you meant--”

“Sex?” Molly’s tail sways behind him. “Is that what you’d like?”

“Did you…have something else in mind?” Caleb winces at his own indelicacy. Molly looks touched--no, maybe fond? It shouldn’t baffle him so much, he knows, but the visual proof is…unbalancing. 

“With you? Ideas beyond number.” Molly’s piercing gaze pins Caleb further still to the bed. He’s beautiful in an elusive sense. When Caleb gazes upon Molly, he gets the distinct sense that somehow he’s going to disappear, as if someone so breathtaking could only exist in tricks of the mind. 

Caleb’s face heats to a point of concern. Molly chuckles, low as the lamplight. 

“I digress.” Molly leans close enough for their noses to touch. “I’d like to conduct an experiment, Caleb. Involving you.”

“Oh?” Caleb cannot for the life of him keep his eyes away from the softness of Molly’s lips. 

“Yes, if you’d let me.” Molly’s hand finds his, both scarred in different ways. It’s one of the few times that feeling heat in the palm of his hand has been welcome. 

“Do what you will.” Caleb nods. 

“That’s the spirit.” Molly beams and pulls Caleb’s hand up his body, skirting along his thigh and the soft silk of his shirt, until finally their hands, as one, rest on his sternum. The warmth of Molly’s skin is a kiss that blooms. 

“You feel that?” Molly hums, and it resonates through Caleb’s fingertips. He’d always thought Molly was a bit thin, but the way breath moves through him…it reminds Caleb of Nott’s brief and consuming obsession with blowing into glass bottles like flutes. There’s a pitch to Molly’s resonance—not one he’s equipped to understand, but there nonetheless. 

“They say you can hear a soul best through laughter or through tears. I prefer the former.” Molly gestures flippantly, brushing his thumb over the back of Caleb’s hand. As he speaks, Caleb can feel the rise and fall of his breath, the resonance of his voice--as if Molly’s entire being has been shaped to carry sound to the very tip of his horns. The jewelry hanging from his ears and horns jingles of its own accord, like a windchime. 

He’s the loveliest windchime I’ve ever seen, Caleb thinks, a bit hysterical. 

“I want to hear what your soul sounds like, Caleb.” 

It’s so intimate and innocent that Caleb finds his breath utterly lost. He blinks up at Molly and tries to counteract the sudden and reeling incoherence of his mind. 

“Not the most resounding enthusiasm, but I understand.” Molly stands and brushes himself off. The aloofness of his tone is betrayed by the way he can’t seem to quite look at Caleb. It must be so easy for him to escape this way. Mollymauk, ever-balancing on a tightrope, with the most convincing lack of fear of falling.

“Wait!” Caleb grabs Molly’s wrist before he can slip away. Gently, he tugs him back down. Molly’s eyes shine alluringly in the dim. 

“I was…caught off guard. No one has ever expressed an interest of this kind to me before.” Caleb slides his hands up Molly’s thighs. He gives a comforting squeeze, at least what he hopes is comforting, and Molly twitches with a quiet laugh. 

“Shame.” Molly’s gaze roves over Caleb appreciatively, but not with the hunger he expects. It’s constructive. Encompassing. Warm. Caleb basks in it, even as Molly grows uncharacteristically quiet. He takes one of his claws between his teeth as his stare grows distant. 

“What is rattling through that brain of yours, hm?” Caleb knits his brow. Molly sits up a bit, stretching their intimate bubble. Caleb clenches his fist and concentrates on not keening after him. 

“How thoroughly I’m about to ruin the mood,” Molly mutters, likely not meaning for Caleb to hear. Caleb furrows his brow, but before he can speak, Molly kneads curiously into his stomach. 

A chuckle bubbles from a deep, unknowable place in Caleb, somewhere nestled just beyond the darkness clinging listlessly to his soul. Then another, then another, until his whole body is racked with quiet sounds he tries to smother. Claws trip maddeningly upwards to his ribs and Caleb cracks into snickers that overwhelm him with force. He slams his arms back down towards his sides and curls as much as physically possible. 

“Scheiße, Molly--”

“Do you want me to stop?” Molly stills, stiff and unnatural. He reminds Caleb of a wild hare, all of his muscles coiled and ready to flee--except for his tail, of course, which lashes in nonsensical patterns as if it has a life of its own. 

He’s nervous, Caleb realizes. How endearing. 

“Did I say ‘silvervine’?” Caleb huffs, still battling the wobbly smile on his face. Molly’s eyes widen.

“No, I suppose you didn’t.” Molly chuckles, shaking his head. Before Caleb can think to steel his defenses, Molly drags his claws down every inch of his captive torso that he can reach. Caleb jackknifes with the kind of giggles that fizzle in his lungs before they leave. It’s a maddening type of touch and he kind of wants more, but Molly continues in his steadfast teasing.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Caleb Widogast,” Molly murmurs, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. Caleb laughs into Molly’s mouth, soft as he imagined, and allows himself to fall slowly apart. 

…

Caleb’s love, it turns out, is born from the same place as his laughter. Both have become easy to coax into the light with time. Like weeds breaking free of cobblestone streets, love has gripped the hopeful parts of him and refused to let go. Love has made him all the things he feared it would--weak, compromised, and clouded--and he wouldn’t trade it for anything, mortal or otherwise.

“Liebling, I have research to complete.” Caleb pauses at the bookshelf, letting Molly coil his arms around him. Molly’s face finds its usual place between his shoulder blades for a moment before his hands slide a bit…lower. 

“Conveniently, so do I. My thesis is on the kinds of noises you’ll make when you’re overworked and I have time.” Molly’s breath curls hot against his ear. There’s a sweet center to the devilish lilt of his tone, though, and it makes Caleb smile. 

“I’d love to hear you defend this thesis of yours, hm?” He turns to face Molly and the full force of his pout. 

“You have utterly killed the mood,” Molly grumbles, but his tail is busy curling in content little loops. Caleb hums noncommittally and kisses him again, far more occupied about the way Molly’s cheeks squish between his hands when he smiles. 

“If you can be patient, perhaps I’ll make it up to you.” Caleb shifts his grip to hold Molly’s chin, brushing his thumb across his bottom lip. He likes the spark of excited desire that flashes through Molly’s eyes. 

“Promise?” 

“However you’d like.” Caleb kisses him once more, more to sate himself than anything. Molly throws himself upon the nearest divan with expedience. As he settles in among the cushions, Caleb thumbs through the nearby shelves and starts a stack of relevant texts on one of the worktables. 

The first hour rolls by without much event and by the second, Caleb is focused enough to ignore Molly’s dramatic sighs. By hour three, Caleb’s read what he needed. Some for research, some for pleasure, but he’s taken in enough to make his mind buzz.  

Molly’s arms wind around his waist and Caleb jumps, then settles.

“One of these days, I’ll put a bell on you.” Caleb reshelves a few tomes with a reverent hand. 

“Caleb, you must know by now that patience is not my strongest suit.” Molly presses his face between Caleb’s shoulderblades again. Caleb shivers from the very tips of his toes and bites back a chuckle. Molly tends to grow needy when he’s ignored, they both know this, but the varying levels of petulance always make things entertaining. 

“I am aware.” Caleb continues reshelving, a little faster now. Molly nuzzles into Caleb’s back again and, oh, he’s purring. That would be exceptionally sweet if Molly’s body didn’t carry the resonance like a tuning fork, right to the tips of his horns where they’re pressed into Caleb’s spine, making it tickle terribly. Caleb bites his lip and forces back the tide of laughter building in his shuddering chest. 

“Come now, darling. Are you still so sensitive? I can feel you trying not to laugh.” Molly drapes his arms over Caleb’s shoulders and speaks into his spine, languid but calculated. It’s a nonsensical question but Molly himself is nonsensical, just as much a trickster as the shadowed being to whom Jester accredits her mischief. 

“M-Mohohlly.” Caleb shivers, snickers jumping free in short and bright bursts. Caleb can hear Molly’s grin without needing to see it, but it doesn’t prepare him for the bundle of tiefling suddenly clambering atop his back. Molly should know better than this, really--Caleb has gotten stronger, but he is not strong. 

“You’ve kept me waiting all this time and you have nothing to say for yourself?” Molly unleashes a flurry of kisses behind Caleb’s ear and the dam falls before he has a chance to defend it. Breathy, frantic giggles flow from Caleb with a fervor, spinning around the two of them in the warm, empty library. 

“Well, that’s not a very good defense. We’ll have to work on that,” Molly grins, speaking directly into Caleb’s neck. Caleb squeals and doubles over, landing somewhere between Zemnian and Common as he tries to shake Molly loose. Molly laughs and tickles his stomach, sending Caleb snapping upright with a dangerous sway. 

“Tongue-tied already?” Molly leans back a dangerous amount, forcing Caleb to back up towards the divan to avoid a nasty fall. They collapse on it in a tangled heap of shouts and curses. Caleb immediately grabs Molly’s hip in his hand and starts murmuring an incantation. He can feel the gentle sparks of magic beginning to take effect--and Molly can too, if the sudden hitch in his breath is anything to go by. 

“Ah-ah, none of that. You casters never play fair.” Molly worms his fingers up, up, until he can fiddle with the ribs supporting Caleb’s beloved book holsters. The magic, along with Caleb, dissolves into sparks and high-pitched bouts of noise. Caleb writhes and shrieks, his hair flying loose of its ponytail and into disarray. Molly rubs his knuckles between the grooves of his ribs and Caleb arches with a shout. Molly laughs and starts tickling at the back of his ribs. 

They roll around like unruly kittens, kicking cushions every which way as if it were a sport. Molly still lands on top of him, breathless and vibrating with joy. He chirps something that sounds suspiciously like ‘squishy wizards’ before tickling up under Caleb’s arms, taking ample time to try and wiggle beneath the straps of the holsters. 

Caleb grabs at Molly’s thighs to brace himself, and Molly snorts. It’s a quiet sound, cushioned by soft laughter, but it’s there and it’s beautiful. Caleb knows Molly’s ticklish, of course--ample time with Jester has taught him what to expect of tieflings--but he’s never heard him make such an adorable noise before. 

“Mollymauk,” Caleb says, a little breathless, but he’s grinning wider than he ever thought possible. Molly’s nervous grin is delectable. 

“Surely we can talk about this--”

“I think you’ve talked enough, don’t you?” Caleb pulls Molly close by the ankle and starts kneading at his inner thigh. Molly wails, thrashing so hard that his top half slides off the divan and onto the floor. A slapdash mix of giggles, snorts, and wild cackles burst out of him, enough for Caleb to coo at him and bury his stubble into the stretched plane of Molly’s stomach. 

Molly muffles a blood-curdling shriek into a wayward cushion. Caleb laughs and tickles harder. 

“I have a thesis on the kinds of noises you’ll make--”

“C-Caleb!”

[grayintogreen]

WIP WEDNESDAY

I am currently plodding along on Chapters 21&22 of YCDHN while also poking gently at a GotG fic as a palette cleanser. Since it's gonna be two more weeks (at the very least) until I have these chapters finished and can post again, here's a longer scene from Chapter 21, featuring Molly and Lucien again. Because I love them.

Molly decided that as livid as he was, it wasn’t going to prevent him from enjoying the rest of his evening. The other shoe had dropped, but it wasn’t so devastating that he couldn’t just shove fruits in a chocolate fountain, overindulge on plum wine, or sit on the balcony about it. When was the next time he’d be at a fancy party anyway? Not any time soon with their current dance card.

The drinking definitely led him to the balcony sooner than he might have wanted because it went straight to his head even watered down, and turned him from the picture of grace to a dance floor hazard and he took off before any of the Aurora Watch casing the place could escort him away for drunk and disorderly behavior.

He avoided the parlor he had left the Nein and Essek in when he left, choosing a balcony as far away from it as possible and collapsing against the balustrade. His head spun and he had to squint to get all the little lamps shedding light through the Firmaments to coalesce into something that made sense, rather than seeming like an endless sea of stars on the ground. The air was cool and soothed his flushed skin and he leaned a bit further out so a gentle breeze coming in off the Wastes could ruffle his hair.

“Did you mean what you said?”

Molly nearly startled out of his own skin, his tail going rigid, as he whirled around, locking eyes with Lucien, perched on the other side of the balcony, one leg braced against the floor and his back to the wall. He looked shockingly pensive.

“That’s a loaded question to ask a carnie without context, Lucien.” He dragged a hand down his reddened face. Lucien didn’t move beyond drumming his fingers on his bent knee, eyes glued to some point on the horizon.

“What you said to Caleb- about us not needing to be fixed.”

Molly’s shoulders drooped. “So you were listening?” Shocking.

“Wanted to see if you were gonna break it off with him.” Lucien had the audacity to smirk. “Maybe I’ll get a chance to have a go now.”

He exhaled. Once the shock went away, he had almost expected Lucien to carry this conversation beyond petty jabs, and yet here they were. People thought he was the petty one, but clearly they were too distracted by Lucien’s platinum words to tell when he was just elongating an insult or a quip into something educated and pretentious. If they weren’t, they would know that he was the one constantly starting the fights. (Well. Mostly. Perhaps. Whatever. It wasn’t like anyone was keeping score here.) “Right. Lovely. See, I know you’re just being a dick right now, so I’m gonna ignore it and see how long it takes for you to get to the point or give up and lurk somewhere else.”

“Does this look like lurking to you?” Lucien waved his hands. Gods, he actually looked scandalized. Moonweaver’s ribbons. “You’re the one who came out here to sulk and-“

“I meant it,” Molly snapped, suddenly, unable to hold it back. Lucien cut himself off with a click of his teeth pressed together and waited for him to continue. “It’s not ideal, but what is, really? I think if you weren’t in my head now… I’d feel like I was missing something. I don’t want to be one person. I want us to be the best version of ourselves like this. And maybe we can’t do that alone. Maybe we need the tether.”

Lucien shook his head, his tail twitching like a pendulum between the balusters. “Souls aren’t meant to be split like this. We’ll go mad, eventually. Or we’ll just get one another killed. What’s the point, sliver? I want to be me and I don’t want any of…” He waved his hand, indicating all of Molly, “… you fuckin’ with that, but it’s going to end eventually. This won’t work forever.”

“Forever isn’t a set time, Lucien.” Bold of anyone to assume otherwise. Molly had believed that his time was borrowed from the moment he crawled out of the grave. It took dying for him to realize he and the world deserved better than him running from vice to vice and never caring about the consequences, because he could drop dead the next day and none of it would matter. It always mattered. “Forever could be next week or a century from now. I know you don’t hate this arrangement. You’re just scared of losing it and having to adapt to something else.”

“See? This is why I don’t like sharing a soul.” Lucien dragged his tongue along the back of his teeth. “You can’t even keep what you see in here to yourself.”

“It’s just you and me, Lucien.” Molly threw his arms out, indicating the balcony. No one else so much as walked past the open door in the hallway and the crowds around the building cared absolutely nothing for two tieflings enjoying their nightly existential crisis. “Do you really think we need to be fixed?”

He knew the answer already. That Lucien was avoiding it was just proof that he was still childishly clinging to a lot of old beliefs that he wasn’t ready to let go of. Once they were gone, he would never get them back, like an old leather coat that had grown too small but had been so useful and well-loved that it hurt to set it aside. It was as if he believed all the years he spent needing the coat would simply stop existing and it would feel like he wasted years on mending and taking care of something he was just going to grow out of. A sunk cost fallacy down to the marrow of his identity- if I let go, then what does that mean for everything I’ve held onto? If I change, then what was the point of who I was? If I stop hurting now, then I could have stopped any time and I didn’t.

There was only so much a person could do to insist upon change. You couldn’t make it happen. It simply would if it were going to, but maybe not at the speed you would have hoped. Lucien’s growth had been sporadic, prone to backwards steps, but fuck if he wasn’t blooming underneath his layers of scar tissue. There were just still things within him that needed to be bled of the rot once and for all and only Lucien, himself, could hold the scalpel. No one else could. Not even Molly, who hadn’t so much wielded a scalpel this whole time but a hammer.

“No,” he finally said, because Molly could see everything else as clearly as if he’d been monologuing again. He didn’t actually need to put more words to it. “I don’t think we need to be fixed.”

Molly, relieved by this bit of honesty and more than a little proud, stepped closer and tapped the spade of his tail against Lucien’s. The gesture surprised him so much he almost fell off the rail, but he managed to get his other foot down to brace himself. The reaction was almost laughable- somewhere between stunned and offended, eyes wide as saucers in the golden planes of his freckled face. Maybe he’d never known another tiefling well enough to receive any kind of tail-based affection. He was shocked Jester- who had taught him- hadn’t been introducing the concept to Lucien near constantly.

Knowing Jester, she was probably expecting him to be the first, because it made more sense that he and Lucien should get closer, to bond the way family did.

That was a thought. It would have made Molly recoil months ago, but now he invited the concept in like an old friend. You have more family than you know, you fucker. You’re getting there. You and the Tombtakers are healing together. You could heal with us too.

You will heal with us too, not because you don’t have a choice, but because we’re not willing to let you go now that we’ve got you here.

He slipped back inside, knowing better than to talk too much and ruin a good thing (at least at this moment- maybe next time he isn’t so savvy or he pushes his buttons too much for him to not have the last word but that’s next time), leaving Lucien with his stunned reaction to freely given affection and the comforting reassurance that they were on the same page about something at least, even if he wasn’t ready to say more than he had to out loud.

That was fine. Lucien needed to learn to listen more than anything else. If he wasn’t talking too much, then he was definitely paying attention. Keep watching and maybe you’ll learn something about how ridiculous it was to be miserable just because you’ve already devoted so much time to it and you don’t want to give it up. Maybe you can be happy and miserable at the same time. We all do it.

Molly especially knew this, because pain was as much a part of Lucien’s soul as joy was to his own. Neither would survive relying solely on those two things. It had been a long time since Molly had ignored all else solely to chase joy and in that time, he had learned to sit with his pain. He was doing it now, still thinking of Caleb and Essek’s betrayal and letting it hurt even underneath the buzz of the wine.

Lucien, conversely, sat with pain so much that he saw everything as something that would or already had hurt him. Joy was fleeting and sometimes came with knives. He had to stay vigilant and not get distracted. He dismissed good experiences to focus on the bad and that focus needed to shift, because nothing was going to change either experience- that already happened. He needed a lot more joy that didn’t terrify him. He got some of it tonight with Cree if that dance was any indication.

Considering that, Molly turned and walked back to the balcony and grabbed Lucien by his capelet to tug him off the rail, which he responded to by digging his heels in before Molly could haul him forwards. It worked because even with his level of determination, he wasn’t capable of hauling nearly two hundred pounds of dead weight muscle down a hall.

Lucien’s anger at the manhandling was more of an indignant squawk though, so that was something. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“We’re going to go eat fondue and drink and not talk about anyone’s damage or Essek or anything. I’m gonna sit with how shite this night was later and really think on it- probably- but right now you have no reason to be miserable and that fascinates me. I feel like we could do more with that.”

He tugged him again and Lucien stumbled over the threshold into the hall, but didn’t try to yank himself free and head in the opposite direction, at least. Genuine curiosity will always win out in these scenarios.

“Right. Well. I’m not one to waste free food and alcohol when it presents itself.” Lucien’s smile was tight, but it wasn’t like he was holding back a grimace so much as it was like he was holding back a laugh.

That was something anyway.

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 8: Spark & Blaze

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

Spark & Blaze

This was one of Jester’s cards. In the CR deck from the shop, this is “the card of Fire” and the description of Spark is, “Someone is responsible for this. Maybe you, maybe some asshole.” Blaze is “Sometimes there are consequences. Sometimes they hurt.” Thus, this chapter focuses on responsibility, blame, and consequence.

The Warden

I wrestled with this scene quite a bit because simply retelling the fight with Molly added didn’t seem like enough of a reason to include the battle. However, I wanted to demonstrate another reason Molly would be interested in the rite of flame, and I figured Molly would have absolutely eaten a bunch of the fruit in the grove. Adding that facet was a little flavor without changing too much and made for a more interesting introductory scene.

I added the flashback because the Nein took a short rest in the stream before going down into the grove and I wanted to include some exposition without spending too much time on it. Caleb did some identify rituals then, so I had him also identify the necklace Molly looted last chapter, which is an Amulet of Health. That bumped Molly’s constitution from 14 to 19, which adds 2 health per level, giving him 12 more hit points (17.3% increase). Notably, his hemocraft die is a d6, so that covers the average damage he would take from 2 rites and 2 amplified blood curses. His new max is 81. For perspective, he was already the highest HP over Yasha in 2nd place at 68. Now he’s more than double Caleb’s at 37 (the lowest). Of course, that meant Molly had a higher chance of not getting high from the drug fruit, but since it’s Molly, clearly that just meant he needed to eat more fruit. Which he did.

I debated whether Molly would keep the periapt. It saved him in this AU, but only because Lorenzo chose not to make a killing blow, and Molly is savvy enough to recognize that. After the fight against the marid, I figured he would give it to one of the support. The ruthless strategy aspect is that, assuming 2 people were making death saves and either could have had the periapt, it would be better to actively heal up a damage-dealer that didn’t rely on spell slots because they can keep doing damage. Being able to rely on an item to stabilize someone who is reliant on spell slots makes that easier. Plus that makes it less harrowing if the support goes down behind cover, where the healers might not be able to easily see/reach them for a heal. However, Molly offers it to Caleb first, which made sense because he is a wet paper towel. And because Molly thinks the dirt wizard is cute, but he’s not examining that too closely.

I don’t think Molly would have been a fan of fluffernutter in this context. He didn’t want to throw dynamite at the troll in Labenda swamp because he wanted to rob the troll first. Similarly here, the Nein didn’t know what they needed in the final room, so just throwing in an explosive might ruin whatever they were doing. While Molly might have been fine with thwarting Avantika, if there was loot, he wanted that too. But since that would have been a general repeat of Labenda, I figured I’d have him be thoroughly distracted by being high as a kite and lacking the attention span to sort out what was going on.

I actually went through the fight for a few reasons. First, Molly hasn’t had a POV for a fight he actually won yet. I didn’t want to give the wrong impression that perhaps that meant something on a meta level—it doesn’t, it just hadn’t been suitable for an earlier fight scene. Second, it’s fun to examine how some fights would have gone differently if Molly had also been there. Third, I hadn’t had much opportunity to show off Molly’s blood hunter skills.

Thus, the whole fight is shown from Molly’s perspective. Of course, he runs in ahead of the rest, which ends up separating him from everyone else once the hydra shows up. Molly has a rare moment of honest self-criticism, mostly because he’s not going to keep his facade of “I meant to do that” as well when he’s high and in the middle of a fight.

Molly running in also let me show off the yuan-ti’s abomination’s constrict and bite abilities, which would be a nasty combo back to back. If Caleb hadn’t slowed the abomination twice, the abomination would have been able to do 3 attacks each turn. Molly would have been fucked. That said, Molly occupying its attention meant that the ranged didn’t have to worry about rushing out of line of sight as desperately.

The Nein’s choices were mostly unaffected, but even small ones changed the balance of the fight. While the hydra was clearly the bigger threat, I felt confident that Yasha would help Molly out first, especially since it went after Avantika right away. With Yasha out of line of sight and focusing on a smaller threat, Caduceus didn’t use path to the grave until the very last hit on the hydra from Yasha, so the hydra didn’t lose as much health so quickly, which also meant that a different number of heads were lopped off and regrown. Other than that, the Nein’s actions generally remained the same.

That said, Molly’s curses helped a lot. Bloated Agony was the level 6 choice, and that did a bunch of necrotic damage to the hydra over 3 rounds. Even though it’s not an optimal spell to use on monsters with high constitution, I thought Molly would rather gamble it anyway, and it paid off. Even with a +5, it rolled like shit. Molly’s hemocraft save is only 14, but I rolled a 2, 8, and 7. (I used the same d20 for the hydra and Molly, so interpret that as you will.) The eyeless curse also prevented a ton of damage to Beau, who was knocked out in the stream.

Overall, I’m happy with how the fight turned out. Building suspense in this type of encounter is easier when we don’t see a hit point counter and just go off vibes, and Molly got all sorts of bad vibes from getting grappled/bit and being unable to see if Beau was alright.

The Lock

This scene is mostly set up for ongoing issues. In the stream, the Nein didn’t really understand what they were doing in the temple. They only knew it related to Avantika’s plan to release Uk’otoa somehow, but not that the orbs were keys and the temple had a lock. They figured it out eventually. (Too late.)

Why did Yasha look at Molly when he said he didn’t have any eyes on his head? Hmm…

I sure kept some boring exposition about schools of spellcasting. I sure did.

:)

The Curse of Undeath

In Exandria, the Curse of Undeath has not had consistent rules applied to every character. Vax was a Revenant in campaign 1, Matt then posted a Lingering Soul class in 2018, and now we have Laudna as a Hollow One. Each describes a different physical experience with unique circumstances, abilities, and limits. That’s in addition to all of the various undead in D&D. Since Matt’s gone in so many different directions, while I am confident he would have made Lucien undead specifically to give Taliesin an adversary suitable for his Ghostslayer subclass, I genuinely have no clue how much the classic version of the curse would have come into play.

Thus, I added this scene to give the reader an idea of what would be expected of a ghost in this AU, as well as what Zoran has noticed. He is the only Tombtaker that would have an objective perspective on the Curse of Undeath in this context and the expertise to recognize signs of it. I wanted to include at least one scene of him breaking down his observations, and by now, there’s been about two weeks for him to do that. The audience also got an idea that Lucien can tap into class abilities—which ghosts cannot do. But there are limits.

There’s quite a few things that don’t match up. Something to keep in mind.

Jobs & Hooch

Another check-in with Caduceus, who is slowly settling. He’s not navel-gazing as much and is going with the flow much more easily.

With Fjord stepping more into a leadership position, Molly definitely would have given him a lot of sass. But Fjord’s also pretty good at manipulating people, and he’s sorted some of Molly’s hangups, so it doesn’t take too much to get that under control.

I came up with the idea for drug fruit wine forever ago. It was in the earliest outline, and I don’t recall why it came to mind. I kept it the whole time though, it was too good to pass up.

Rite of Flame

The Nein reached level 7 before arriving at Darktow, so I wanted to include some signal to the reader of that. I also wanted to explore how Molly tries to sort out his blood hunter abilities on his own at some point, so it was good timing here.

Molly has Caleb on the brain. Is he going to examine why? Absolutely not. He’s distracting himself with a fire sword.

Preparation

Another Cree scene! Hooray.

I did consider sending the Tombtakers after the Nein on a ship contracted with the Myriad. Assuming the canon timeline, they would have caught up at a very dramatic point. However, Lucien’s goal is to recover a body. Doing that at sea, in naval combat, while also keeping Cree alive (since she is the only one who would resurrect him) and somehow escaping any survivors? Probably not good odds compared to waiting to ambush in Nicodranas.

Odd, considering that Lucien was fine with running the Tombtakers and Nein out into a blizzard to try to make progress toward Aeor—twice. Hmmm.

While Zoran noted issues specific to the curse of undeath, Cree noticed that Lucien is not acting like himself. In the stream, she was very careful to completely back Lucien up whenever the Tombtakers encountered the Nein until the Immensus Gate, after they’d lost the rest of their group and Lucien still refused to kill them. Like, if Lucien had set off the intuit charges right then, Cree could have died too—she was willing to risk it to kill the Nein. It took that much for her to express disagreement in front of outsiders. So I figured Cree wouldn’t bring up these types of concerns in front of the other Tombtakers either, but she would in private.

So by this scene, the audience has a better idea of what Lucien has told the Tombtakers collectively. More pertinently, what he hasn’t told them, not even Cree.

Dream: Regret

I got a wonderful commission from @runmienn for this scene.

The rhyme at the beginning of the scene is “The Two Cats of Kilkenny” which is an anonymously composed limmerick about a cruel practice of tying two cats’ tails together and letting them fight to the death. Kilkenny is a town in Ireland, so it presumably originated there or around there. There isn’t a Kilkenny in Exandria, so I changed the first line to better match the story.

There is a character trait that I felt was very important to establish in the dreams: ruthlessness. A lot of people mix that up with cruelty, but they are not the same. Ruthlessness is deciding on a goal and moving there in a straight line. Obstacles either move or will be moved.

During the entire Aeor arc, Lucien never started a fight with the Nein until the final battle. That’s strange considering how ruthless Matt painted him. He slaughtered the drow that tried to stop him from taking the first threshold crest. He chased the Nein through the night and demanded everyone continue through the next day. He pushed the group through two blizzards. Lucien had his sights on a goal, and no one was going to get in his way or slow him down. So why not just kill them?

Yes, there’s the bit about liking the Nein. Lucien had those twitches and strange reactions when they tried to call out to Molly. But, again, I’m not using anything from TNEOL. Lucien never acted like he heard voices, let alone Molly, and if Molly had been speaking directly to Lucien, I doubt his reaction would have been confusion as much as anger if he truly understood that Molly could interfere with his control over his own body. I don’t find that to be a compelling explanation when Lucien’s personality was otherwise consistent.

But I grew up in dangerous places stricken by poverty. I’ve seen many iterations of people who act in similar ways. I was that kid for a while. The dialogue I used in the dream is a set of rehashed conversations I had with people in those places. Thus, in this version, Lucien didn't start a fight with the Nein because he doesn't usually start fights; he retaliates.

Would this have happened if Lucien wasn’t alone? Maybe; it depends on where he’d be and who was with them. Unfortunately for him, he got jumped by people that knew him, so they knew his habits. The goliath, the dwarf, and the black-haired boy were all the same kids from the earlier dreams. They were the ones that were recruited in the previous chapter.

That said, as with most bullies, there is a point where they decide a victim is too much trouble compared to other targets. Lucien would not have won if they all ganged up on him, but he’d have gone down swinging a knife, and even if he wasn’t experienced with it, it only takes one cut to lose a knife fight.

No one wants to lose a knife fight.

Of course, I figured that was also a good spot to introduce his willingness to use two weapons. He absolutely has to practice that though, and a pitchfork isn’t a good choice.

As a final note, Matt very clearly established racism against tieflings as part of his lore and that it was a thing in Shadycreek Run. There were very few things that Lucien told the Nein about himself (personally, not the Nonagon or the Somnovem), and that people weren’t kind to him because of his race was one of them. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the pressures of publishing and selling something for profit, so the fact that racism and graphic violence against children are not easily marketable features doesn’t affect my decision to include it in my story.

For the Empire

I couldn’t use this card to title the chapter and then not include this type of scene for Caleb. I felt this was an appropriate chapter to do it because of the holiday and it was a good point in his arc to address his backstory in a brutally honest lens.

I understand why a lot of fanon about Caleb focuses on forgiveness, and I am on the side that Caleb knows he can never be forgiven by the people that matter: the people he killed and everyone who hurt because of what he did. The Volstrucker were very clearly and intentionally based on the German Schutzstaffel. I respect Liam O’Brien a lot for choosing that sort of backstory and wrestling with how that sort of person can be a protagonist in this sort of game and what end they will meet.

This scene lays bare what Caleb did when he was a child. He was manipulated and abused by someone he respected. He felt that he was doing the right thing because his concept of “good” was intentionally molded into something useful for Trent Ikithon. But Caleb chose to kill. Being respected, powerful, and successful was more important to him than other people’s lives. He made that choice over and over and over.

I felt that was a far more compelling commonality that Caleb had with Lucien than any of the other similarities. That’s why I put these scenes back to back.

An overarching theme is going to come up again and again: Anyone would do this. Anyone would if they were desperate enough. If they were cold enough, hungry enough, scared enough, lonely enough. Anyone would do horrible things with enough pressure. It’s just a matter of finding out what kind and how much. It’s just being a person.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a good Caleb scene if a monkey wrench didn’t get thrown in, so here comes Molly to flirt. That said, Caleb is absolutely not far enough in his arc for this to lead to anything, so he takes a turn for more sincere and deep emotions, which Molly was not prepared for. That said, Molly didn’t seem like the type to pine, especially since he’s been remaining intentionally ignorant of why Caleb’s on his mind a lot, so it doesn’t sour anything between them. They are singing entirely different tunes right now, they can’t make a melody.

Darktow

Ashley wasn’t there for this scene, so I wanted to fill in Yasha’s perspective since we didn’t really get any for that episode. Considering that the Dynasty hosts some of the more “monstrous” races, I figured she could know a little to give exposition, though she didn’t realize Wyatt was wearing a wig.

In addition, right now, Yasha is my only useful tool for getting Molly to address his dreams, so she is doing some heavy work. She’s got some of her stuff for her arc coming up, though, so she’ll get to have some spotlight in time.

Con Men

In the stream, the Nein did realize that they probably shouldn’t be the ones to turn in Avantika’s journal—after they stole it. They had quite a few leads to get help, but since they’d taken the journal in the middle of the night, they didn’t have any time to investigate those before the confrontation in the morning.

I thought that would be a fun thing to explore without derailing too bad. :)

I figured it would be reasonable for Molly to instigate that issue coming up earlier in the same evening after his experiences with Gustav. Thus, the Nein modified their plan a little bit to match, and now there’s a chance to see another way this all could have played out.

[hayleysayshay]

The Mighty Nein summary but I’ve only seen clips and the animated recap once months ago.

I am also likely trying to fill in blanks so I might be making stuff up.

Caleb and Nott, Yasha and Molly, Jester and Fjord and Beau meet and decide to fight crimes despite most of the being criminals themselves

Something happens in a circus???

I really have no idea. Someone recognised Molly as Lucien but he has no idea who Lucien is

Molly gives Caleb a kiss during a bad PTSD moment

Fjord files his tusks down but they tell him not to do that anymore, he is beautiful how he is :)

I think this is where they meet Kiri, a bird creature that repeats things?

Fjord, Jester and Yasha are KIDNAPPED by… a slave trader? Idk Laura was having a baby and Ashley is always away

Molly, Caleb, Beau, Nott and a dwarf they make friends with decide to attack but the advice is bad and Molly fucking dies. Permanently because Tal is edgy.

Later the gang meet Caduceus chilling in a graveyard who makes tea and he decides to help them for some reason. I think his grove is turning poorly? Because of bad magic. His family also disappeared years ago. He wants to find them.

They defeat the slavers (???) and free their friends but tell them Molly died :(

Something something. At some point they meet ‘the gentleman’ who is very cool and a water genasi. Later they talk to Jester’s Mum and they realise that was her Dad :o I don’t know if we see him again

For some reason they get on a boat and are basically pirates. There is a captain of a ship called Avantika and she is sexy.

This is something to do with Fjord’s patron Ukotoa which is a sea monster? Because Fjord fell in the sea and almost drowned and made his warlock pact then. Ukotoa wants to be freed and Avantika wants that. The Mighty Nein don’t do this. They also meet the plank king. I think they defeat Avantika.

Now at some point they find a magic beacon and find out they should really give it back to the people it was stolen from. There is a war going on and the return of the beacon heals some sort of rift. They meet Essek and I think Matt meant for him to be evil but he is sexy. And he knows dunamis and time magic and Caleb is into that!

At some point they meet a beast or something that Yasha used to know and he turns her against her friends. I think they get her back but not for a while I think as Ashley had to go lol. They probs get her back with the power of friendship.

Fjord at some point turns his back on Ukotoa (I think he throws his sword away?) and then he has no warlock patron but then the wildmother becomes his patron. And we realise he was secretly English the whole time.

Nott is also revealed to be a halfling cursed to be a goblin by… goblins. It takes a while but she eventually turns back to a halfling. She has a dweeby husband and young son.

Beau is a monk from the Colbalt Soul who is doing something and fuck I realise I know nothing about Beau. Her Dad basically sold her to the Cobolt Soul but she doesn’t know that. She is angry.

Caleb’s story is a lot and we find this out through the campaign and we also catch glimpses of Eadwulf and Astrid. Caleb wants to bring back his family but realises that Trent is the real problem. He has massive PTSD.

Caduceus at some point brings back his family who were petrified in the source of the bad magic but continues with the Mighty Nein

They meet up with Essek at some point and he reveals that he is on the run (?) as he stole the beacons and gave them away (including to the Cerberus Academy) because he wants them to be studied because in his… empire? They’re revered as religious items and he is an atheist. This made the war worse but the Mighty Nein don’t mind as he is sexy. The beacons are ancient pre-calamity tech I think?

At some point Jester hosts Traveler con for her minor deity the Traveler. I think they do a task on a beach for a cult for a volcano monster, one of whom is an amnesiac mother of Keyleth. After defeating this fake volcano god they host traveler con and the Traveller is revealed to be Artagan who is a fae creature from C1 (jester might have already known this by this point in the story).

At some point they decide to revive Molly and his body is gone and they talk to Henry Crabgrass (a very important NPC) that confirms that someone revived him. But they later realise that it isn’t Molly it’s Lucien who has taken over the body once again.

Caduceus WRECKS Trent with an epic put down about how no-one will mourn him RIP Trent

Yasha and Beau finally romance each other :)

Laura successfully romances her own husband

Jester tricks an old hat in a hut with a cupcake with the dust of deliciousness.

They hunt Lucien. He’s trying to do something with portals… and a city… trying to transport it somewhere. I think.

They kill Lucien and decide to revive Mollymauk but fail but then Caducues uses divine intervention and brings him back fucking EPIC.

Mollymauk is now Kinglsey Tealeaf as he forgot his memories but these guys are familiar (apart from Caduceus who literally doesn’t know this guy).

Caleb tells Essek he doesn’t want to try and bring back his parents cos they are dead. He becomes a teacher and some fans don’t like this. He and Essek are together until they aren’t and some fans don’t like this. Beau and Yasha are together and so are Fjord and Jester and some fans don’t like this. Fjord and Jester and Kingsley go on a boat? Beau and Caleb decide to take down the Cerberus Academy. The end!

[hyperionshipping]

I'm thinking abt cr!Tricks. And like, his arc. Overall his arc is akin to Caleb in a sense. Learning to heal from his past. But moreso for Tricks it's letting himself be loved and accepted into a new group, that he's wanted and if he has something clinging to him dragging him down? No one here is letting go. They won't let him be swept away.

In my head, his part in the campaign ends up that his past comes back to haunt him. Literally, as it turns out for some reason or another The Gentleman didn't totally wipe out that old group. And whispers of "a nasty thief, a coldblooder killer sweeping through town after town leaving a trail of blood" sweeps through tavern after tavern. And Tricks doesn't think much until someone says that "they say he's posing as a bard! He could be here..." and his stomach just drops.

And of course he reacts poorly. He immediately leaves. Grabs all his stuff even as one of tm9 try to stop him.

I think around this time too, somehow the letter he wrote so long ago about leaving tje group gets found. There's varied repsonses to it, but when the descriptions of this evil thief get closer and closer to Tricks... some of the party get antsy.

And so, when the party notices how distant Tricks has been, how jumpy, of course they think something is up. (Caleb hates this. He heard Tricks talk, he knows so much and he's trying to keep the party from doing something reckless.) When they corner Tricks it's worse. Tricks couldn't dream of hurting anyone in tm9 but in that moment it's like he's back in the back alleys taking the beating for a job gone bad. For losing a member of the party he never was a part of.

Everything about him screams "animal about to attack" as Beau demands answers and Tricks' fingers twitch and he's trying so hard not to react.

Until Caleb speaks up and puts himself in front of Tricks who just shrinks and starts to cry. Caleb knows. He knows Tricks is innocent. And he knows Tricks always dealt with wanting to leave.

The moment Caleb interveens, Jester follows. She never thought Tricks would hurt her. And then Nott, who looks to Caleb and says if he trusts him, he must be ok.

Eventually, Tricks (while still lying about some stuff) tells the party he had written thr note to protect them. "I--I can't- I made us lose Molly. I wasn't good enough for you guys. A bard just drags everyone down. I can't fight like Beau or Fjord. Or heal well enough. This blew up and-and-and- then, they'd find you guys and just for knowing me you'd be killed. I can't lose another party. I can't. I can't. It would be better if I left. You guys just forget about me."

That doesn't happen, though, of course. And tm9 promise Tricks he's wanted. He's always been, since he joined. And they'll solve this.

The sorta "end" of this would have Tricks grappling with the fact he never could have solved what happened to his old group. They were all meant to die that night. There's also new info about The Gentleman that's learned because someone found out Tricks "sold out his loyalty" to him. The party also learns a little more that Tricks never could say out loud

[sky-scribbles]

I cannot stop thinking about the development of physical contact in Caleb and Essek’s relationship.

There’s the arm squeeze, back in the Lotusden. And while Liam has said that it wasn’t meant to be manipulative, that’s still how Essek read it. Because that was his dynamic with Caleb at the time - a genuine connection, but one tangled up in mutual manipulation, in them being wizards playing their wizard games.

Caleb tries to get through to Essek, tries to reach out to him - but he can’t, because of all the walls and manipulation between them, because Essek thinks the world is a cruel, cold place and still expects nothing different from the Nein. Essek pulls away. It’s an attempt at connection, and it fails.

Then there’s the forehead kiss. It’s a moment of genuine care. It’s a moment of Caleb passing on to Essek the kindness and the hope for the future that Molly gave to him. Everything about it is real and true, and everything Caleb says is real and true... but there’s also a level of pragmatism. Stay on the rails. Caleb pulls out all the stops on the emotional appeal, because he needs Essek functioning for the peace talks.

It’s real. It means something to both of them. It’s kindness and it’s a moment of connection - but there’s still a bitter edge to it. It’s weighed down by the sorrow of Caleb having found a wizard friend whom he started to trust, only to discover that yes, this one too has blood on his hands.

And then. The forehead touch in the midst of battle. After days of not-quite-acknowledging what’s between them, after Essek has been welcomed as one of the Mighty Nein. After Essek has given out his magic again and again to help his friends, after he’s given up the mini-beacon to heal them.

Essek reaches for Caleb where he’s pinned and wounded, and burns his whole turn and his Fortune’s Favour to pull him free. Caleb, they need you. And Caleb pulls Essek in and presses their foreheads together, and this time there’s no mistrust to cloud it, no ulterior motives. No sorrow - in fact, it’s after that moment that Essek shakes the crushing grief that’s been Slowing him for rounds.

It’s a moment of desperate, honest connection in the midst of battle. It’s thank you and I’m here for you and I want you to be safe. It’s a wordless acknowledgement of everything between them. It’s them finally getting to share one moment with each other.

God, what a story these two have told together.

[c-is-for-circinate]

Post-Ep C3E33

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I have too many feelings and too many thoughts about too many things so let's just have some bullet points of stuff I want to come back to later:

Ashton, my beloved, and how helpless they were for so much of that ep. What it means to be the person with the common sense, trying to keep order and control and practicality in a group like this (Ashton as the most grounded member of the group, which is an even better pun for being true), while also literally being the person who's meant to fly into a wild killing rage. The beautiful mechanical paradox of a battlefield control barbarian and its character-building implications, but also what it means to be Ashton, trying to herd these cats, being the person who understands fundamental practicalities of criminals and people best, and yet finding yourself so, so, so out of your depth when it stops being about basic human logistics and starts being about cosmic magic powers.

Orym. How fucking desperate Orym is for a leader, for Imogen to be that leader. The fact that Imogen has so many things going on inside her that she was never, ever, ever going to be. Imogen vs Keyleth, and the Keyleth that Orym knows vs the Keyleth that we know, Keyleth at level 10, trying and failing and failing and trying again, and all the ways she tried and failed different from Imogen, because Imogen's inheritance of power from her long-missing mother is so like Keyleth's on the surface, and so very very different underneath.

I don't even have words for Fearne, just a high-pitched whistling eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of NOPE. I want my Fearne back, please.

(I want to read a fanfic where Orym and Fearne and maybe even Chetney die and stay dead, the way it really truly looked like they would for a bit in there. Where it's just Imogen-and-Laudna and Ashton-and-FCG, two magical powerhouses with ticking time bombs inherited from mages in an ancient world that they don't even know the nature of, two battered-and-broken creatures who should've died and stayed dead and got back up and kept kicking anyway. Our two pairs, who we first met at the very start of episode one in Jrusar, coping as the stripped-down core of a group that was better, once, together. I want to read fic of it the same way I want fic of Caleb and Beau and Nott and Molly on the trail of their captive and enslaved friends for weeks and months and whole levels worth of adventures in a row, clinging together just the four of them, down half their party but all still alive the four of them themselves. I want it and I don't. I don't want it to be my canon. But I do want to roll around in the concept.)

Fucking hell FCG, though. FCG who is so scared and hesitant to heal at the start of the fight in the courtyard, because what will it do to him? FCG who CAN'T NOW. FCG with one spell slot left, two dead party members and one single Revivify to go around. Sam with that ninth-level Wish in my back pocket look on his face for so much of that fight, knowing he had just enough held back to save someone's character once they just dealt with the bad guy; with that ninth-level Counterspell look on his face, when Fearne went down, and went down again, and went down too brutal and bloody to get up again, and FCG's only got one spell slot left. FCG hiding and helpless, weak from the fight he brought against his own friends just earlier today.

I have a lot of feelings about Laudna being the primary backup healer in this fight, Laudna the dead thing who steals life from one creature to push it into the next. Wither and bloom. Trades. Delilah, take the wheel.

Something something Bell's Hells as a fractured individualistic group something something, lack of synergy even in fleeing, compared to previous parties we've known. WWKD (What Would Keyleth Do), how would the Mighty Nein have handled this fight, who is meant to be where doing what, when does this party figure out their jobs? How did it come to this? How did we end up in a situation where the one person Otohan wanted the most was, for most of the fight, the one person she couldn't see or attack? How do you even get a fight where the barbarian front-liner is the first to go down and the only one to successfully run away, where the healer hides and the undead warlock heals, where the werewolf does some of the most sustained magical OR physical damage and somehow lives to tell the tale while the druid with her wildshape bag of hit points goes down twice and action-surgeing, second-wind-ing fighter manages just about nothing at all?

Also I have thoughts about how the perception that a fight is too hard can put a group in even worse straits than the fight would've to begin with. Otohan had Legendary Resistances, high AC, and a shitton of damage output, but she also took maybe 50 HP of damage in that fight. If they'd gone at her together, with the idea that this was a fight they could win -- how would that have changed things? Could they have thrown enough damage her way to change how things went, if they went all in on damage instead of trying to run away? Would it only have gone worse?

Imogen, my baby girl, where are you taking us next?

[criticalcoruscant]

My favorite off-the-wall cr headcanons that kinda make sense if you've got enough time and string in no particular order:

1. Fjord is a orphan of the Chroma Conclave attacks dropped off in Port Damalli because the orphanages were all destroyed in the initial attacks

2. Caleb is consecuted in some way or another

3. Sabian is also a warlock of Ukatoah -and that's why the ship was blown up. Revenge against Vandren

4. Something happened in the shipwreck of the Tide's Breath that broke whatever protection Vandren had that allowed him to sail freely and now he's stuck somewhere unable to safely cross the ocean

4. Yussa is secretly a dragon and also secretly kinda in love with Marion from a far

5. Fjord is an artist with some yarn and a hook or needles. He spins wool with the dnd equivalent of a drop spindle on long journeys to keep his hands busy and earn a little extra coin

6. Beau is classically trained in some instrument. Piano or cello are my top picks. She stuck with it growing up because practicing loudly meant the squawking would travel into her father's office. She is waiting to reveal this information to yasha so they can jam together sometime

7. Veth is actually *very* good at growing plants. Shed never imagined ever having to purchase vegetables or herbs until she met Yeza. When he became a permanent part of her life, it cut down on costs for certain ingredients and he was just in awe of her ability to coax even the most pathetic plant back to life

8. Caleb is covered in freckles or sunburnt most days. The constant healing from battle keeps it from becoming dangerous but his fair skin doesn't agree with the outside portion of adventuring life.

9. Yasha sings a heartbreakingly beautiful lullaby in celestial that always put the tribe's babies right to sleep

10. When cad was a baby, his instinctual response to getting spooked was to turn invisible. This caused problems

11. Molly and jester had a very tactile relationship. They were always in each other's orbit and touching in some way- holding hands, fiddling with hair, tails pretzeled up, pinkie fingers linked, head on shoulder. She hasn't had the same level of touch since he's been gone.

12. When verrin and essek were little, they used to boast about who their previous lives might have been and wish for anamesis to begin to see who was more important. When it never came for either of them, they never spoken of it again

[dent-de-leon]

So I “unfortunately” got into Candela Obsura and all I can think about is the Nein being their own circle and Molly being their Lightkeeper.

Aw welcome it’s so spooky and fun :’) I adore the whole little atmosphere and world. And yes, I have so many Mighty Nein Candela AU thoughts I think there’s so much potential there!

Oo Lightkeeper Molly sounds so very interesting! I feel like they’re kinda veterans that have retired from the field and take others under their wing, so I wonder what would lead him to that point.

Taliesin’s character as the Lightkeeper narrator is so fascinating to me though and I feel like he has a certain spooky, enigmatic vibe that suits Lucien well. Every shot of his main Lightkeeper character is very Lucien to me—

Tavelle was so taken with the journal and innately drawn to other magical artifacts, even wished he could study magic at the Solstryce Academy, so I imagine he’d join Candela if he ever had the chance. Has a similar connotation to him signing up for the Claret Orders before he became so disenchanted with them I think.

But I also love the thought of Molly carrying traces of Bleed through Lucien’s Eyes, seeking out Candela Obscura because they’re the only ones that seem to know what he’s dealing with—and how to stop it. And maybe Lucien came from a rival faction that embraced the darker side of phenomena, like the Red Hand.

And I can absolutely see Molly being a Medium who tells fortunes and channels the dead in elaborate spook shows for the circus—all of it meant to be a trick. Playing it up for the audience. Except, sometimes he reaches out to something, and he actually gets an answer. Molly, who liked to take walks in graveyards and cleaned old headstones that no one visited in centuries. Who still remembers the aching Emptiness of clawing his way out of the grave, the Matron of Death still drawn to his fate touched soul. Molly who is never far from death, and still feels its touch so keenly.

And I’m especially fond of Caleb as the Magician, since that’s what he is to Molly :,) He also has a deceptively high Charisma, which I think suits the Candela image of them as performers and illusionists. And I think the handbook’s depiction of the Magician just matches Molly’s own depiction of his Magic Man so well—

“The Card of Exploration. The Magician: Magic, beyond mortal understanding.” Both Caleb and the Candela Magician are in command of their power; there’s a certain elegance and wonder to their magic—it’s a performance, and it’s captivating. And I’ve always loved the way Molly’s art makes it seem like he’s enchanted by Caleb’s simplest trick—a mere cantrip, but something beautiful and magical to him. Having many thoughts about a tragic star crossed widomauk candela AU—

[angelsndragons]

fjord’s feelings for caduceus changed in episodes 98-99

by which i mean, fjord finally realized how special and important he is to caduceus, which in turn set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the campaign. buckle up, this is a long one.

not when fjord threw away his sword and went to caduceus instead of jester. or when caduceus presented him with the star razor. or after the citadel fight when caduceus gave him his holy symbol. i think things changed for fjord in episode 98-99, when caduceus saved his life and removed the orb.

this is going to require some context.

because here’s the thing: fjord’s always looking for the price, waiting for the catch or other shoe to drop. people caring for him because of him with no strings attached is unprecedented. vandren and the world taught fjord that love is conditional, that only if you hide what others would find ugly and make yourself useful to them will they deign to give you a scrap of affection. i don’t think vandren did this maliciously, mind you, it was just part of his worldview and fjord’s life up to and beyond that point supported it. we can see that right up to the end of the show, where fjord is terrified that vandren didn’t remember him or that he didn’t mean nearly as much to the man as vandren did to him.

so we have fjord, who learned to don masks and hide his truest self, including his best and worst aspects. while fjord made the nein into a coherent group, into a force, a crew, a family, even, he still waited for that other shoe to drop. waited for the day that they would reject him because he was no longer useful or because he pushed them too far. you can see this waiting all over the early campaign; he’s not looking for an excuse like caleb to cut and run but he anticipates nearly all the moments that almost fractured the nein, in spite of that low wisdom score. while jester carried the guilt of not being able to save molly, fjord carried the guilt of not protecting the group in that crucial moment. travis confirmed on talks that fjord’s biggest fear when he lost his powers the first time was that he would no longer be useful and be kicked out of the group. 

that’s why fjord damn near broke down at the end of 72. the nein, no questions asked, with their standard level of snark, accepted that he was going to be a liability and kept him around anyway. armed him anyway. declared that he was no liability and that they would help him along until he could help himself and them again. this unconditional acceptance caught fjord completely off guard. it always does, really. because caduceus had said for months, an out of game half a year, that he was looking to reforge the sword as a gift for fjord. he said this to fjord’s face. he did not change course when he learned that the sword was a legendary blade forged by acolytes of the wildmother and moonweaver. the blade was still meant for fjord, even if fjord was still chained to uk’otoa. fjord extends his love and protection to the nein but is still not convinced the reverse is true. he was starting to believe it but he wasn’t quite there yet.

caduceus has a high enough wisdom to understand that’s fjord’s hang up even if he doesn’t quite understand the reasoning behind it. that’s why he pulls fjord aside in ep 75 and tells him that he doesn’t have to choose the wildmother, that there are other gods and other ideas out there looking for a champion. fjord, who at this point considers wildmom his only option (travis says she’s the only one who’s shown the slightest interest in fjord and that’s why he’s gunning for her), is befuddled by caduceus and this whole talk, so much so the pair end up talking past each other for the next several episodes.

after fjord officially becomes a paladin, things between him and caduceus become fairly...unsettled compared to their previous interactions. they talk past each other more, they aren’t in sync enough to double team those social interactions they were just starting to get good at. things are just weird for a while. to me, that’s fjord waiting for the catch, waiting for caduceus to call in some favor or something like it. and he keeps getting confused when caduceus doesn’t. so he tries once or twice to follow in caduceus’ footsteps and do as he would instead. and it just makes things weirder. these two don’t have a moment together that doesn’t leave one of them confused or unsatisfied until ep 87, when caduceus gives fjord the holy symbol and inadvertently kicks off the next phase of their relationship. because here, caduceus tries to put them back on equal footing and fjord recognizes it. caduceus rejects framing their relationship as mentor/student and tells fjord he doesn’t need caduceus to give him answers. fjord is “well on his way.”

by defining what they aren’t, mentor/student, our two boys inadvertently ask the question, “so what are we?” honestly, it’s a question that the entire group grapples with in the 90s as they reintegrate yasha, as veth struggles with the question of changing back and whether she can stay with the nein, as beau tries to sacrifice herself for veth, as jester learns some uncomfortable truths about the traveler, as caduceus finds his family again. fjord and caduceus can easily define what they aren’t - not mentor/student, not brothers or cousins- but what they actually are stumps both of them.

their relationship doesn't look like any of their relationships with the others: beau is fjord's bro and first mate, caleb is fjord's complicated mirror and admiree, jester his crush and first person he learned to be vulnerable with, veth his antagonistic sibling. on caduceus' side, caleb is the one he looks to for a fellow project nerd and clear, unvarnished goals, beau and jester are the sisters caduceus misses, yasha the quiet beloved barbarian he understands better than the rest, and veth a mess he wants to help but can't. but fjord and caduceus' relationship is highly undefined at this point. notably undefined, beyond their newly shared connection to melora. at the dinner with essek, we get the stone bomb. and travis and fjord panic. like no, seriously, they spend the next four episodes low key panicking over this revelation. this ties back to fjord waiting for those other shoes to drop but it’s also more than that.

when it comes to destiny, fjord has always been the answer, the self made man, to both caduceus and caleb’s questions about destiny. he makes choices about who he is, who he wants to be, and takes actions towards those goals. he is one of those rare people who can wear many different masks, take on many different roles, while still maintaining his sense of self and becoming a fuller version of who he is. when I say fjord is the answer to destiny, what i mean is that he is what ioun said way back in c1 about Fate: mortals make choices and through those choices, destiny is fulfilled. he is the answer to caduceus' own growth from passive instrument waiting for someone to play him to active communicator in this conversation between gods and mortals. in this sense, fjord is what caduceus learns to be (this is exactly why caduceus rejects a mentor role; he has as much to learn from fjord as vice versa).

so for this coincidence to pop up, this idea that maybe fjord only had the illusion of choice to extend his service to the wildmother, that maybe somehow he was manipulated again, that there was some grand destiny pushing things and fjord had no say in it, yeah, i can see why fjord was low-key terrified. so is this what fjord and caduceus are: just some predestined grand fairy tale partnership neither of them have that much say in? episode 96 resoundingly rejects that label too. for one thing, none of the stones or clays treat fjord's last name as anything amazing or spectacular. for another, this string of episodes gives us caduceus at his most human. the terror of not knowing what happened to his family, the uncertainty of his homecoming, the relief of saving his family and home, the irritation at the way the chaos crew treats the temple, the playful attitude caduceus cultivates after, it's all on display. caduceus drops much of his placid exterior and willingly allows the nein to see sheer depth of emotion he has.

which leads me back to episode 98-99. uk’otoa’s agents come for fjord. and caduceus is pissed. travis and ashley both said on talks that they hadn’t really seen taliesin that pissed, that it was like someone had threatened an actual loved one of his. fjord dies. and comes back to an exhausted, still pissed off firbolg who is five seconds away from snapping archmage vess derogna’s head off for interrupting his prayer of healing. taliesin doesn’t even begin to relax until they start interrogating the dead fish people the next day. once caduceus confirms the ball is still in fjord, notably caduceus and caleb were the two who remembered, fjord starts asking for a way to remove it. he asks caduceus to start a commune with wildmom in tandem with jester’s commune with the traveler. caleb tells fjord that caduceus fought “very hard for you while you were down, i don’t know if he’s up to it.” having heard that, caduceus still tries, with his first divine intervention attempt of the campaign. and when jester figures out that greater restoration will work, caduceus pushes through his exhaustion, takes charge, and goes through a truly terrifying greater restoration with fjord to remove the ball. convulsing, seizing, shuddering, collapsing, etc.

in those moments, and in the quiet after when fjord confirms that he still has his powers, it finally hits him that yes, people can protect, fight, and love him for who he is alone. there is no chain or other shoe waiting to be dropped here. the wildmother is no uk’otoa, to punish or take power at a whim. caduceus will fight with everything he has and then some for fjord because he loves him (not for nothing does fjord only realizes the depths of jester’s feelings when she uses heal on him). who are caduceus and fjord to each other? they are people who will fight for one another and the others as far as they can. fjord says over and over again that he wants to protect the nein and look out for them because he cares for them. he demonstrates it over and over again as well. caduceus says basically the same thing; he wants everyone safe and happily on their way and will stay until they are. he demonstrates this all the time as well. this is, i think, the first time that he demonstrates his dedication so unequivocally, free of the artifice of duty, fully committed through love. fjord recognizes this in caduceus and caduceus does in fjord.

i say this is a turning point because, while they don’t really have another super in depth conversation alone together, these two start clocking each other and openly help and look out for each other. there’s an ease and intimacy to the relationship after this. fjord watching caduceus swim near vokodo’s lair, fjord being ready to hand over his armor to caduceus when it looks like his won’t be ready, fjord, caduceus, and beau plotting behind jester’s back to keep her safe from the traveler, the absolute offense fjord takes to eadwulf after he spoke to caduceus like that, fjord levels up in paladin after caduceus tells him he’s proud to know him, all the way to the end of the show when fjord shelters the clerics and tells them to finish lucien, we get little moments like these from both of them. hell, caduceus is the first person in the campaign to tell fjord directly that he loves him.

[night-filled-mountain]

“If souls can grow from but a piece...”

I feel like this quote from Matt is key to Lucien’s/Mollymauk’s/Kingsley’s whole development, and honestly, I’m kicking myself for not being preemptively clued in to the Kingsley reveal as soon as Matt said it.

Molly started out as only a piece of a soul. A fragment, sans memories. But not entirely sans memories, not for long. Even the Molly who was new to the carnival wasn’t equivalent to a newborn baby. Think of all the things that quickly came back to him: how to walk and talk, eat and drink, clean and dress himself, and carry out plenty of other basic physical processes...not to mention thousands, maybe millions, of words and concepts that he understood without knowing how or why.

It wasn’t his memory he lost, per se. It was his self-concept. It was all the memories specifically tied to Lucien: what he had seen, what he had done, who he had known. And it’s not because those memories were gone. It’s because Mollymauk actively repressed them. He admitted to the M9 that he got “flashes,” he had dreams, but he pushed them away, rejected them as having nothing to do with him. That was a choice he made. He was a piece of a soul, and he chose to grow into something new, rather than making any attempt to dig for all the other “pieces” buried within himself and reunite them into a coherent whole.

He was like a magical seed that holds a genetic memory of how to grow into a daisy, but somehow manages to repress it, learn new possibilities from the diverse garden that surrounds it, and grow into a zebra orchid instead.

Lucien was there as an option. Lucien was a concept he could have re-built around himself. He chose to burn it down and build something new.

And was it entirely new? Of course not. Molly spoke with Lucien’s accent (vaguely 😉). He had Lucien’s arrogance, his flair for the dramatic, his instinct for reaching out to people and traveling in groups and seeking daring new experiences. Molly wasn’t Lucien, but he could have been. I firmly believe that if he had leaned into those memories, if he had sought those answers, if his adventuring goal had been to become who he used to be, he could have succeeded. But he didn’t.

Because the defining feature of Mollymauk Tealeaf, the trait that most set him apart from Lucien and allowed him to become his own person, was the desire to do just that. To self-invent.

And he didn’t do it only once. Think of how quickly he adapted after the carnival broke up; how quick he was to latch onto the Mighty Nein and re-invent himself as a devoted member of their party, transferring all the affection and protective tendencies he’d previously devoted to his fellow carnies. Think of the various false backstories he made up for the M9, the elaborate lies he told about his family and background (and Taliesin has made it clear that he intended to do much more of this, as he didn’t expect Molly’s actual past to catch up with him so soon). Think of the lies he told and the cons he pulled while he was with the carnival...most memorably, the one he told Beau about two nights before he died, when he convinced a whole town that he was a king. (Did Kingsley remember this when he chose his new name, or did he remember the royal/godly sensations of Lucien’s ascension as he absorbed the Somnovem? We may never know.)

Spontaneity, adaptability, and constant re-invention of himself was the heart of Molly’s character. There is absolutely no reason to believe that Mollymauk Tealeaf, left to his own devices, would not eventually have gotten bored once again, decided the M9 no longer needed him (or waited until after they fought their last big battle and went their separate ways), gone to sea, changed his name to Kingsley, and become a pirate.

If souls can grow from but a piece. That’s the entire premise of Mollymauk Tealeaf, and it’s the entire premise of Kingsley Tealeaf, too. And I think Kingsley tacitly acknowledged that when he finally read Beau’s book, gave it all some thought, and named his ship the Mollymauk.

Kingsley is a soul that grew from the exact same seed as Molly. Is it a new soul, a different soul, shaped by new experiences? Yes. In the sense that Jester is a different soul from Genevieve. Caleb is a different soul from Bren. Veth is a different soul from Nott, and also from the Veth who had never been Nott. Captain Fjord Tusktooth is a different soul from the bullied and insecure orphan Fjord Stone. Expositor Beauregard is a different soul from Beauregard Lionett, fuck-up daughter who was meant to be a son, heir to a dynasty she never wanted. Yasha Nydoorin is a different soul from the Orphanmaker, and Caduceus Clay might be the only member of the Mighty Nein to stick to a single name with no complications, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been transformed.

The only thing that sets Molly’s transformation into Kingsley apart from his teammates’ journeys is the memories. And the memories are there, if he ever wants them. And if he never does? If he says I can start fresh whenever I want, and my past does not define me?

Well, that’s the most Mollymauk move of all.

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 7: The Serpent & The Crown

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

The Serpent & The Crown

Oh man, this chapter title has layers.

Molly revised this card in chapter 3, after reading a short story in the book Caleb gifted to him during their downtime in Zadash. As noted later in this chapter, the point of the story is not to take the first opportunity as soon as it appears because that may cut off further options. (Molly interpreted it as waiting to see what else he could steal from a mark before making a move. Not wrong, per se, but not exactly what the author intended.) Many of the scenes focus on opportunities and delayed gratification. What can they do or have now? What do they hope will come? Are they willing to wait for the mere chance of something better?

Because that was the focus, I ultimately didn’t include scenes for POVs from Beau or Nott. Beau’s arc wasn’t about that issue, and Nott’s only became that later, when she realized that her family wouldn’t care that she was a goblin then again once she was turned back into a halfling. However, all the rest of the Nein at least brush against those questions at this point in their development, so I felt comfortable with those two taking a back seat.

Of course, this is also the first part of Fjord’s arc, where the Nein learn of Uk’otoa (the serpent) and his offer of the power to rule the sea (the crown). Up until this latest live show, Fjord always seemed to be struggling with this idea of who he is and who he should be. That manifested in different ways throughout C2. Currently, we’re looking at Fjord’s relationship with power generally. He knows he wants it, and he’s not self-aware enough to sort out why, so he’s chasing it out of fear of losing an opportunity, something he’s rarely had in life.

Why are we bothering with that in a story about Lucien trying to murder Molly? Hmmmm…

One More Time

I wanted to touch base with Jester because she left Nicodranas without saying goodbye to Marion in canon, and I felt part of that was because she wasn’t sure she could sneak all the way to the Chateau and back without getting caught. I also wanted to explore the fact that Jester did miss home and considered staying (which was stated in the stream).

Jester’s arc isn’t usually the subject of a lot of discourse or commentary because it closely resembles a coming of age arc. She goes off to explore the world, learns what it’s really like, matures, falls in love, etc. She’s a sheltered kid that only saw people through a particular set of lenses, and traveling with the Nein has given her more perspective.

But does Jester want that? The answer is a resounding “yes,” but that moment was handled much later in canon. She originally left home because she was forced to—there really was no choice involved. Nott offering the hat of disguise gave Jester an option that wouldn’t have come up until the pre-peace-negotiations gala a few dozen episodes later. By that point, Jester had a much stronger relationship with each of the Nein and there was no doubt whether she would continue with them.

In the Origins comic, Jester repeatedly wanted to see more people and explore the city, sneaking out and causing trouble. But she brought things back for her mother. Marion wanted a better life for Jester, but her own fears and limitations kept her from providing that, so she urged Jester to go and provided a ton of money to help.

So this scene provides a little insight into all those factors. Jester wants to grow and experience new things, she wants to help the Nein, and she wants to bring a piece of that home with her. It’s no longer about being unable to go home. She can, and she’ll visit, but unlike a lot of the rest of the Nein, she gets to choose what life she leads really early on in the story.

Master Doolan Tversky, the Archmage of Dysology

Oh, this thread is still going. Yep. There’s a lot I won’t explain in this part, but I can at least go into a few things.

There’s very little canon characterization of Doolan. She’s a gnome, she’s very much obsessed with biological research of magical beasts, she’s willing to drop a lot of money on things she wants, and she’s pretty focused.

But Dysology has a few meanings. It’s criticism or the study of bad science. Given how much the Assembly was involved in politics of the Dwendalian Empire (they aren’t just doing personal projects), I tried to come up with a persona that would be into biology, magic, and politics all in one. The result was a scientist who is decidedly amoral and disregards the rules. Not evil, not good—motivated entirely by research and knowledge. Which is exactly the type of person who would be happy to conduct autopsies on a bunch of blood hunters.

Relatedly, that’s why I chose the bull wasp motif for Doolan as well. Omnivorous animals aren’t evil; they eat. That’s how she views herself and her associates. They aren’t doing bad things, they just do what they’re meant to do. There’s a hierarchy, everyone has a purpose, and Doolan just happens to be at the top.

Good people don’t usually end up in leadership positions in totalitarian regimes.

This scene was originally going to be after the next one, but @fruitzbat gave a good suggestion that fitting it between these two scenes flowed better and provided a starker contrast between the Nein and the Assembly.

Gods

This scene rehashed a conversation between Yasha and Caduceus because it covers topics important to both of their arcs. They’re the most similar with respect to their relationships to their gods, neither of which are big talkers. Even though some of the dialogue is taken straight from canon, I added more to flesh out the discussion.

This happens in a few scenes, and it’s all for the same reason: there are elements of canon that really can’t be skipped over if this story is going to have a coherent plot and satisfying character arcs. When I get to those moments, I try to freshen them up in some way to avoid boring the reader, while also avoiding deviation for its own sake.

We needed some circus kids moments, given that Yasha went off as soon as she woke up after the Iron Shepherds. Yasha and Molly had a very playful dynamic, and she was also the only one who he would cave to easily. If not for her, Molly would have tried to blow off Cree or otherwise avoid that conversation in the Evening Nip. Thus, Yasha is uniquely positioned to prod Molly about his dreams without him staunchly denying everything.

I also absolutely had to bring the peacock back. Yeah, they’re only supposed to be capable of flying short distances, but this is an Exandrian peacock and he’d not going to let Nott leave without him.

Colors

I wanted to check in with Caduceus because actually adjusting to the idea of moving forward without a plan or guidance from the Wildmother wasn’t overnight. He settled into it gradually over the course of this plotline. This scene also gave the generic idea of time passing before the Nein met up with Avantika without revisiting combat or other developments that weren’t as pertinent.

However, I also wanted to nudge the AU plot along. Molly was knocked out the entire time the Iron Shepherds and the Nein moved through the Savalirwood and Shadycreek Run; he never saw the distinct color of the woods. So Molly had no reason to know that he was dreaming of a real place, let alone real people or events. At least, he didn’t until Caduceus mentioned that the trees there were purple and gray.

Caduceus probably would have realized that he was upset about that in particular if not for the seasickness—not that he would have explained anything anyway—but now Molly has information to inform him of what he’s seen. He’s totally not panicking, guys. Just queasy.

I also took inspiration from a canon scene of Caduceus zoning out about whether he'd met a ghost he didn't want to punch. This is one of my favorite C2 animatics for it.

Dream: Cold

The opening rhyme is an Irish children’s song that’s fairly well known in the English-speaking world.

In the United States and western Europe, a lot of the modern discourse on poverty focuses on food insecurity and homelessness (specifically, the lack of shelter, not any other facet) and little else. Notably, those were the only topics that TNEOL bothered with, and both were resolved in passing by introducing Auntie Mama, who handled both of those issues so that Lucien Tavelle only had to deal with the trauma around his family and the dangers of taking jobs for the families. As a result, pretty much none of Tavelle’s characterization was tied to racism against tieflings, how he survived in Shadycreek Run, the trauma that arises out of the desperation of poverty, nor the types of relationships he would have had under those circumstances. That’s just not included. Instead, his flaws are treated either as tragic/traumatic traits arising out of experiences with abuse by his family/Azrahari or as personal moral failings.

That’s such a typical tactic for published stories about minorities that grew up in poverty, and I’m absolutely not going to do that.

The dreams have already included examples of crime, fishing, etc. as means of survival, as well as avoiding threats of slavers, gangs, and fey. This dream addresses extreme weather, sickness, and the lack of family or social units (meaning groups of people that work together out of cultural obligation or some connected identity).

Homeless people die in extreme weather unless they can get to secure, prepared shelter, and in a town like Shadycreek Run, such shelter is not going to be common. People who live in violent, gang-run neighborhoods are rarely charitable with their homes because of the risk that the person they help will take advantage, and further, this is not the modern world with a culture of charitable giving or volunteering. Offering shelter to someone is a substantial risk, and that still requires some sort of agreement between those people. There has to be some conversation and trust. Homeless kids are not likely to ask strangers for a place to sleep because—again, in a town run by violent tribes, two of which run with the slave trade—adults that are likely to say yes are also the most suspect. Thus, homeless kids often die in blizzards.

That said, there are some people willing to provide temporary shelter, especially when they see sad kids shivering in the snow. Thus, the blacksmith allows a small group to take refuge from the cold while he’s there and has an eye on them. (In addition, Lucien keeps watch while the rest sleep.) As implied by his statements and scars, the blacksmith was also a former slave and has little interest in tipping anyone off that the kids are there. The temple to the Raven Queen also accepts the kids once they trudge through the snow to get there. Whether they could have sought such help earlier is anyone’s guess, and it’s entirely possible that they would have been turned away if the situation wasn’t desperate enough yet. On top of that, while cold doesn’t cause illness, enduring extreme cold compromises the immune system and kids get sick. A few that didn’t die to hypothermia still died to illness.

In addition, there’s the issue that the allegiances of the street kids are fickle. Younger, weaker kids don’t have much choice in who they stick with, and older, experienced kids eventually find opportunities to pursue. Thus, the goliath offers to take her two favorites with her to a gang, leaving the little ones and “the problems” behind. Smaller, disorganized groups without strong hierarchies don’t often last, especially when faced with challenges like blizzards.

Life is hard for kids on the streets. There’s kind people that mean well, and most of the time, they aren’t willing or in the position to offer long-term solutions. Unfortunately, when someone grows up with a vivid, consistent experience of scarcity, apathy, and danger, the nice lessons they hear from well-meaning, kind people tend to get warped. Thus, the blacksmith makes a curved sword rather a straight blade or some other tool, and his lesson isn’t about how to help or to seek help, but to endure. He has scars of his own, and he knows that other people cannot be relied upon. Allowing the kids to take up space and providing some advice is the most he’s willing to give.

I’m not writing a story to make privileged people feel like the desperation of the poor isn’t their fault or their problem. Society is to blame for poverty, and every single person has a part in that. There were things that bystanders could have done to save more kids, and they didn’t do it. It’s risky, yeah, and in the end, most people who have something to lose don’t want to take risks to help people they look down upon.

So they don’t.

Memories

Now the story can finally get into the Tombtakers’ interactions with Lucien in detail. We also see what Lucien can do while he’s in someone’s head. Oh boy!

I came up with Jurrell’s game quite a while before this scene as a way of providing retrospection and exposition in the Tombtaker scenes. That provides the reader with some insight into the other Tombtakers’ pasts and how they get along with Lucien. So now there’s multiple options for scenes to show that off. We’ll see a lot more of their backstory over time.

Lucien is a French name IRL, but there is no France or French language in Exandria. However, the French accent tends to be common along the Menagerie Coast. Going off that, I decided I’d interpret that as the Ki’nau language (Naush) and accent since it had not really been tied to a specific place in canon. Then I tried to brainstorm why Lucien would have that name if he grew up in Shadycreek Run. While researching Irish folklore, one of the figures that stood out was Lugh (modern “Lú”). Depending on the cycle (Irish folklore is divided into cycles with repeating/related myths), he was a trickster god, a god of light, a master craftsman, and a jack of all trades. Putting that all together with the earlier decision I’d made that he learned from Seanchaidhe, I came up with this backstory for how Lucien got his name.

When Matt introduced the Tombtakers as a group, Lucien was the only one that didn’t have a last name. In a campaign that was rife with chosen names, I felt that was an intentional choice to suit the character. Thus, my version doesn’t care what his name was. He doesn’t have a family, so as far as he’s concerned, he doesn’t have a family name. Whether he ever had a prior name is anyone’s guess at this point.

Lucien isn’t kind. He’s playful, curious, and willing to go along with things he doesn’t necessarily enjoy—but he also retaliates. So he doesn’t hold back when he has the chance to question Tyffial about something delicate. As for his intentions, that’s for the future.

Without the eyes, Otis doesn’t have darkvision, and I thought it’d be funny to include a watch where they absolutely don’t see trouble coming. It was convenient for a transition in this scene.

Lastly, @grayintogreen correctly commented that these were the “Syphilis Bandits” that the Mighty Nein repeatedly encountered in the Marrow Valley. They lived though!

Avantika

This was a scene that I felt I could not skip, but it was also so boring to include. Eventually, I finally tried drafting it from Avantika’s POV, and it felt so much better than any of the other versions I did. Doing her perspective also gave a decent amount of exposition so that skipping the early conversations with her wasn’t as big of a problem. It turned out to be very efficient for moving the plot along while keeping things interesting, even if there isn’t a lot of extra meat to the scene.

Eyes

Matt had so many eye motifs in the campaign, and I know Fjord and Nott would have been suspicious of Molly every time they came up. It’s such a fun thing to poke at.

Jester breaking the pencils was based on Laura actually breaking a pencil in the stream and joking that Jester had done it. I added it into the scene so that it happened throughout the conversation.

We also get a callback to the fairy tale the card/chapter title was based on. I like nesting stories within stories, so we’re going to see more of this.

Trostenwald

This scene mostly speaks for itself. More insight into Lucien’s abilities, as well as how conscious hosts are while he’s taken over. And some rather disturbing plans for Gustav...

Opportunity

Now that we got past the boring setup, time for Fjord’s perspective! Fjord has terrible insight, and he heavily relied on the others’ opinions to try to sort out what to do.

The story Molly mentions is another one of the three Stories About Snakes by the Brothers Grimm. However, he’s trying to be subtle with Fjord, who’s pretty dense. Their dynamic was so fun.

I also wanted to address that Fjord was definitely interested in Avantika. He was ambivalent about a lot of stuff during this first part of his arc, and it was a later decision in canon to try to sabotage her. I wonder if that will be different now…

Urukayxl

And, of course, a final check in with Molly. I figured he’d help with the snake makeup, but the advantage didn’t roll much better.

However, Jamedi is undead, and Molly is spooked around undead after what happened with Lucien. He’s not going to hesitate to pick a fight, but with Jamedi hiding out and bigger threats, he can’t spend the time to do anything about it. I also wanted to make clear that even though Molly was an anxious character, he channeled that into action. His panic attacks weren’t obvious outwardly, and they usually came after there was nothing left to fight. I took that to mean that he was capable of keeping himself together as long as there was something he could do.

It’s also very specific things that made him panic. He did in Alfield when he triggered the Rite of the Dawn, and then again in the Evening Nip when Cree called him Lucien—it’s when he’s faced with Lucien’s past, which he doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to understand. Danger from combat and social situations generally don’t phase him. However, now he associates undead with Lucien, as well as the dreams (thanks to his conversation with Caduceus). He’s not going to be able to hide it from the Nein forever.

The combat wasn’t important and moved quickly in canon, so I breezed through it too. There’s only a few small changes. First, Caleb didn’t have Invisibility at this point because he’d used the scroll against Lorenzo, but in this story, he saved it and inscribed it into his book in Zadash. Second, Molly looted a necklace that wasn’t from the show. Third, it was Fjord who teleported up with Misty Step to shove the yuan-ti guard, so I had to switch that to Molly. The first two are going to have further ramifications down the road.