#but deep genuine love is a new ballpark

[baconcolacan]

IM SORRY BUT I HAD A THOUGHT AND ITS DRIVING ME INSANE (Stay AU related)

You know how I often hc Edd to have MC syndrome in some form, where he has this need to be the center of everything, to be well liked by people, to be admired and have someone need him, etc etc all that self-centered, slightly asshole-y, stuff.

But, like I said, this tones down with his age, so its not as bad as it used to be when he was a kid to his 20s, cause he got humbled at some point to where we know him as the raggedy ass future version of himself.

Well….then May Belle comes into his life.

And May absolutely adores her dad, she takes any opportunity to hug him and tell him how much she loves him. The thing that really broke Edd would be when May admits that her personal hero is always gonna be him.

He’s genuinely the center of someone’s world now.

And for once, he doesn’t know how to react to that.

[itsjusthockey]

Boo - Jack Hughes

I had no idea where this was going but it worked

Enjoy

Please request bitches, I need inspiration

wc:1.088 (credit to gif maker)

To Jack, there is nothing more sexy than a beautiful woman lying in his bed, completely ignoring him. Or maybe it was just you. To be fair, he can’t help it; Jack finds everything about you quite sexy, even when you haven’t paid a single ounce of attention to him in the past fifteen minutes, no matter what he’s done.

He tries everything. First, he calls your name, which you ignore. Then he starts making noises that you hate, which you ignore, and then he starts to remove his clothes, which causes you to flash him a quick glance, roll your eyes, and return to your computer.

He is about to give up when he decides he has one final trick up his sleeve. Removing himself from the chair, Jack puts himself face down on the floor, letting out a huge sigh.

Still nothing. So he goes again.

Three sighs later, you huff indignantly, shutting your computer.

“Whatever could you possibly be sighing about, Jack?”

Bingo. He turns to look at you, throwing you a sheepish smile.

“I’ve got a lot on my shoulders, babe.” Jack takes another deep breath and sighs dramatically. “Being rich, talented, and handsome is incredibly tiring work.” 

You snort. “I bet, baby, it’s so hard being you.”

You give him a fake pout before moving to get off the bed, stepping over him on the way to the bathroom. He watches like a hawk as you grab a few things, pee, and walk back, stepping over him again.

“What do I have to do to get some attention around here?” He finally asks, throwing you a pointed glance as you ponder his question.

“J, I’m sorry, but you know I have to do this. I can give you all the attention in the world once I finish this discussion. Okay?”

He raises his eyebrow. “Promise?”

You nod, and he places his head back down when an idea pops in his head.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Ballpark, how long until you're done?”

He hears you sigh, and a part of him feels terrible, but he knows it’s worth it.

“Probably 45 minutes to an hour.”

He lets out an okay and gets up, gently pressing a kiss to your cheek, which you barely register him. He makes his way to the bathroom and hops in for a quick shower, using the new fall-scented soap that you got him that both love.

Minutes later, he takes a quick glance at you as he throws on some gray sweats, and he smirks, knowing he still has time. You’re beyond focused with your headphones on, and Jack genuinely believes he could drop dead, and you wouldn’t know.

He makes his way outside into the living space, seeing Luke sprawled across the couch, watching an Avengers movie on the TV.

“What’s up?” Luke questions, watching as he heads to the closet that holds their hockey gear.

“I got some stuff yesterday for a thing I saw on TikTok, and (Y/N) needs a fun night.”

Jack pulls out the various fall items that he won’t lie; he enjoyed picking out. There are snacks, little games, candles, a stuffed pumpkin, and anything else he thought you would like.

He moves into action, putting together the basket and calling for an Uber Eats order. Luke, realizing what is going on, begins to laugh.

“You got her a boo-basket?”

“Shhhh, she’s right In there.” Jack jerks his head toward his bedroom.

Luke throws up his hand in surrender. “Sorry, I just didn’t think this was your thing. You’re not great at the whole romance thing all the time.”

Jack throws him a stern look and gives the pumping a gentle squeeze. “You tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

Jack finishes putting the basket together and places it on the center island. He then moves to dim the lights and light a candle, nodding at his good work.

“Alright, almost perfect.” He says, eyes landing on Luke. “Just one more thing.”

Luke shoots him a curious look. “What's that?”

“You’re here.” Jack points his finger toward the door. “Out.”

Luke rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue, heading toward the door. He doesn’t get far before stealing a couple of Halloween Oreos and throwing Jack a wink on the way out.

As the door slams shut behind Luke, Jack waits for what feels like an eternity for you to exit the bedroom.

He can hardly contain his excitement and nerves as he watches you walk in confused, taking in the cozy setup. You pause, and he smiles, but that’s wiped away when he sees tears welling up in your eyes.

He’s a second away from panicking when you walk over to him, throwing your arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

“You did this for me?”

You pull back from him, and he gently pulls your chin up so your lips meet his.

“Actually, for Nico, but he’s running late, so I’ll guess you’ll work.”

You roll your eyes at him again, pulling him in for another sweet kiss.

“This is so sweet, J.”

Jack watches as you look through all the goodies, getting more excited with each item. When you get to the pumpkin plush, you wheeze it so hard to your chest, and he practically melts.

“I love it, Jack, seriously.”

He pulls you back into his arms, relieved that his surprise has had the desired effect.

“Good, you deserve it," he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.

The evening continues as you both enjoy your favorite food that's just arrived. You cozy up on the couch, surrounded by the fall-themed goodies and the warm, dimly lit room. The candles flicker, casting a soft, inviting glow, and the two of you dive into the snacks and games Jack picked out, sharing laughter and watching your favorite Halloween shows.

It’s picture-perfect as the first movie starts to come to a close, and Jack can feel you staring at him.

“You know, you’re the most annoying boyfriend ever, but sometimes.” You pause, popping an Oreo in your mouth. “You do have your moments.”

Jack attacks you for your comment, flipping you both over and ticking your sides. You play fight for a minute before he stops, staring deep into your eyes as you smile.

“So, are you ready to fulfill your promise?” He raises his eyebrow, moving his head down to capture your lips.

You roll your eyes, grabbing his head and pulling him down.

“I’m all yours.”

[atopvisenyashill]

Who are Sansa’s potential contenders in your opinion?

i’ve talked about this before but i’d love to talk about it again lmao. i think the potential romantic endgame contenders are (in order of most to least likely) jon, brienne, theon, and podrick (there’s a wide gap between theon and podrick) and i use the term romantic like……i mean a little loosely. i’m gonna explain my criteria a bit.

sansa’s suitors must be

within a decade of her age

someone who has, when they meet her, a claim to a seat powerful enough to at least be in the same ballpark as the Starks

someone who would be willing to relocate to winterfell or near winterfell

someone who won't feel threatened by her title

shares her romantic sensibilities

someone whose identity subverts the typical Westerosi idea of what a True Knight and a Proper Husband is

someone who is actively trying and at least partially succeeding at being a good person, but specifically someone who has themes associated with what she desires - a True Knight and Hero From A Song

so let’s explain.

firstly, when we’re talking “potential contenders” i think everyone is picturing something slightly different. i’m talking about like. the relationship that will be one of the focal points of her story going forward, the relationship that will mean the most to her bc it fulfills her dreams while matching her growth and maturity, the relationship her story is building towards her meeting. i think there’s a lot of,,,idk confrontations on the horizon. theon hearing bran in the trees. dany’s nightmare about (probably) euron. everyone and their mother hearing wolves howling in the distance. half these characters are like on a boat, on a dragon, on a walk in the woods, literally on the way to meet someone when we leave them in feastdance and sansa is no exception to this - the Themes Are Coming For Her.

i think there’s been a build up over sansa’s story that she is going to meet The Hero Of Her Dreams, but they will not fit the typical mold of a hero. They will help empower her, protecting her physically while she protects them politically. There will be genuine love, and dedication. A bond to rival Naerys & Aemon, Florian & Jonquil, a person who will love her until the end of her days…a person who is also going to be helpful when it comes to her new role as The Stark In Winterfell. this means a) the line of succession will be dealt with in a practical manner and not swept under the rug and b) someone who likely has some sort of background in either politics or battle.

Maybe it’s a contradiction to say this relationship can be romantic and satisfying to read while also saying there's a chance it will be “subtext” but…I just think, looking at his inspirations being soooo focused on things like courtly love, chivalry, that a spin that involves Sansa feeling a deep affection for a Knight protecting her, with no men around (but again, crucially, having discussed how the hell she’s going to have kids, with a partner who will not shy away from a frank discussion like that) is still a satisfying "romantic" arc. Yes i am saying this is how I have my cake and eat it too, where Braime fucks and then Jaime dies, then Brienne stays in the North with a conveniently (publicly) single Sansa who leans on her for comfort. This is my meta and we're never getting the winds of winter to disprove it, but also I'm thinking specifically of the focus on rumors surrounding the sexualities of a lot of characters in F&B - Alyn and Addam Velaryon, Rhaenyra Targaryen, Laenor and Laena Velaryon, Rhaena the Black Bride, to name just a few very obvious ones - as well as the repeated princess and knight dynamic that follows both Sansa (with Dontos and Sandor) as well as is present in F&B (Rhaenyra & Harwin, Rhaenyra & Criston, Alysanne & Jonquil Darke, Aegon & Visenya imo also fits this) that this dynamic can be romantic but also not explicitly stated to be a sexual or romantic relationship. MOVING ON.

I think it’s actually most likely that Briensa and Jeynsa that are winning the “so which one is actually gonna go canon” war bc they’ll be single, in the same place, and clearly devoted to each other while like, Jon/Theon/Aegon/Sandor/Tyrion/Basically Every Man Shipped With Sansa are miserable and cold or dead elsewhere. (littlefucker isn’t included bc he’s definitely dead 😁). I just need everyone to understand my definition of “goes canon” is so so loose. ANYWAYS. EXPLANATIONS-

within a decade of her age

i am once again saying that every relationship with a huge age gap that starts with one of them below the age of 17 ends badly and the reason is bc george is not a pervy moron, he is actually writing about the ways in which the hypersexualization and forced child marriages in westeros are damaging to these girls. “but he said dany & drogo were in love!!” he’s very clearly the sort who likes to find the romantic and erotic in the grotesque and horrific, and looking at this from the character’s point of view. i think his comments line up just fine with the justifications these girls make to themselves about the marriages they are forced into. also he’s just an old man and he phrases things in ways that make you cringe sometimes, pls be serious 😭 the only exceptions to this rule are really Rhaenys/Corlys and arguably Rhaenyra's various romantic ties but a) none of Rhaenyra's romantic relationships end well and in fact help speed her right along to her gruesome death and b) Rhaenys and Corlys' relationship is fraught with political problems and also, he has an affair with a teenager so again, george is Saying Something about the reasons why certain types of men prefer women much younger than them. "but what about roose and fat walda?" they are both gonna die horribly, next question.

SO. it’s not gonna be tyrion. it’s not gonna be sandor. it’s not gonna be littlefucker. they’re too goddamn old and sansa spending the rest of her life rationalizing these guys perving on her when she’s barely even middle school aged is not (imo) the ending she is going to get.

this leaves us with the rest of her more popular ships - jeyne, margaery, harry, sweetrobin, aegon vi, jon, theon (admittedly pushing it here! i can be logical about this!), podrick, and brienne (technically bran and arya are here too ig, i mean if we want to be really fair to all ships). onto the next criteria-

someone who has a claim to something in the same general social circle as winterfell

technically i do think there’s a chance george goes for something radical at the ending like abolishing the monarchy and if he does that i will kiss him on the mouth (with consent from him & parris). BUT. i think the most likely ending is more of a loosening of the feudal system - showing us the next few hopeful steps away from absolute monarchies. what i’m saying is The System still exists and will still exist throughout twow and ados, so I think it’s logical to assume that Sansa is not going to marry “beneath” her. if anyone does, it's arya.

anyways that’s a double pass on sandor & littlefucker. this is also why i admit pod is a stretch - the paynes aren’t nobodies but pod himself is from a cadet branch, so fairly low in the pecking order . i mostly include him bc i think he’ll make a name for himself alongside brienne, potentially enough to overcome that gap and he fits the rest of the criteria too well imo to completely disregard him. “why can’t sandor or littlefucker do that” bc sandor doesn’t have enough time before the end of the series to make up for all the shit he did as the hound In The Eyes Of The Public Or, Crucially, Sansa’s Family and littlefucker is going to die 😁

you could argue this also crosses out jon and jeyne. COUNTERPOINT - jeyne is a girl it literally doesn’t matter so long as she’s high enough to be one of sansa’s ladies and she is, so she passes; jon is one of three targaryens left alive (and even if aegon's a blackfyre, he doesn't know that so still counts!!) and all the secrecy around jon's legitimacy + robb’s will means clearly something is cooking here. also he has an impressive resume on paper.

someone who would actually live in Winterfell

I don’t feel it’s necessary to argue that Sansa is going to be IN WINTERFELL and END UP IN WINTERFELL bc she lichrally builds Winterfell after Arya, the sibling she interacts with the most, hears a prophecy about a girl slaying a giant IN A CASTLE MADE OF SNOW. This does not feel subtle nor like a stretch. Whether she’s a regent for Rickon/Bran, a ruling lady, or a queen, she is GOING HOME the same as the rest of the Starklings and she will be important in helping rebuild it. Therefore, the person she’s with has to not only be cool with being at Winterfell often, they have to not induce immediate fury and rage in her siblings.

sandor? triple dead. tyrion? we’ll call him 1.5 dead to be polite. aegon vi? doomed and dead. harry hardyng? does Not seem likely to relocate. littlefucker probably would relocate but good luck getting two steps into the north or riverlands without every living starks’ “it’s time to beat that annoying fuck up” alarms blaring in their heads ready to run him through.

theon is a hard maybe but since he actually feels bad & also grew up with them, i think he has plenty of time in the next 2k pages of story to make up some ground with jon, arya, and bran. margaery feels like a hard maybe as well - it’s looking bleak for the tyrells & i don’t think margaery’s family is going to let her move to the north without a good reason. but i also feel like. there’s too many unknowns to technically count her out.

brienne & pod Will be living in the North and they Will be on the guard and That Is That. jeyne & jon don’t seem to have any plans on leaving the North any time soon either.

someone who won't feel threatened by her title

this is a near constant through line in her story - that whoever marries her will want her for her claim first and foremost. it's going to factor into her relationships, specifically about how she's going to have a child. whether she has a secret marriage, longstanding affair, or a public husband, it's going to be someone who is not constantly trying to usurp her power literally or metaphorically.

that means no aegon vi, no sweetrobin, no harry, no littlefucker, no tyrion. tyrion's claim to the westerlands is a competing one with her, and tyrion himself is interested in her title way more than sansa as a person (it's why he doesn't see her escape coming and why he's so bitter over it - the whole time he thought she was a silly girl and had no idea she was plotting to escape and nearly did escape at several points. he thought she was helpless! you can bet your ass he is going to feel threatened by the idea that she does not need his ass). sandor, imo, will also feel threatened by her having such a lofty title, and i cannot see him being capable of any sort of secret marriage. "well they could just marry publicly" she's not publicly marrying a man known to be a child killer. to be completely honest, i think margaery would feel threatened by her title as well.

jon, podrick, brienne, jeyne are all people who would not only not feel threatened, they would be proud, celebrate it, actively fight to keep her in a state of power. theon is imo a maybe - the theon we meet in the beginning would objectively feel threatened by Sansa having a title loftier than his. a theon who has lived through everything he has by the end of the dance is imo much more likely to be happier out of the spotlight. all of them as well would be willing to be frank about how she's going to have a child, and would not mind Sansa saying something like "my children were fathered by a wolf."

someone who shares her romantic sensibilities

listen. she's gonna like, get along with her suitor. someone who won't laugh at her for wanting to be swept off her feet, someone who also craves a more romantic life.

this eliminates, imo, harry, sweetrobin, littlefucker, and sandor, probably aegon vi as well.

brienne, jon, theon, jeyne, and podrick are all romantic types - jon imagines having children named after ned and robb just llike sansa, theon had dreamed as a hostage of marrying sansa and calling ned father, brienne dreams of lofty knightly ideals of protecting the weak, and podrick and jeyne both have stories very much tied to subverting the ideas of a true knight and a damsel in distress.

someone who is an Atypical True Knight

💙✨this is a post about briensa✨💙

true knight/hero from a song themes + marginalized in some way in Westeros = brienne, jon, theon, tyrion. sandor feels relevant here in that he is not a true knight but he clearly wants to be after his encounters with the stark girls and also he doesn't look like one either.

aegon vi could arguably count due to being dornish, so i guess i'll give him a .5 in this category. harry is as typical as they come, and neither margaery nor jeyne have anything that links them narratively to the concept of a true knight or hero from a story (except, i suppose, for jeyne's link to theon). podrick is also fairly typical but again, kinda lowish for a noble so i guess .5, and he also has several scenes where he's expressly linked with being an Atypical True Knight (mainly, the scene where he saves Tyrion during the Battle on the Blackwater).

a True Knight

i simply do not think the lesson sansa is going to “learn” here is that no one will ever love her for who she is and her marriage will be about her claim and nothing more because there are no True Knights left. every time someone is like “she won’t have a romance bc her story is about not needing love” i find it mind boggling because in what world is asoiaf about not needing love, first of all, and second of all, her arc wrt her desires for marriage and love has so clearly been tied to this concept of a True Knight and the idea that a True Knight does not always ~look good~ and that someone who is not a knight may be capable of good and that you can always just Choose To Do Good at any point but you have to Make That Choice, and that is all very different from “not needing love.” Sansa is naive yes but!! Sansa is Dunk sitting there surrounded by strong handsome men in expensive, gorgeous armor and asking if there are any true knights among them-

EXCEPT SOMEONE WILL STEP UP TO THE PLATE.

“a dream of spring” means there will be just a little hope. so help Will Come and they will be a True Knight they just won’t take a form she expects. this is a large part of the reason why i’m on the briensa train. Brienne is The Truest Of True Knights! She serves a King she's in love with who doesn't love her back faithfully, she swears a vow to Sansa's mother after comparing Catelyn's courage to that of a knight's and laments the fate of women who die unremembered in a birthing bed, she's on a noble quest to find Sansa with an assist from The Most Infamous Knight In Westerosi History, she’s the secret descendant of The Other Truest Of True Knights, and I feel it’s very clear from geography, theme, and foreshadowing standpoints that Brienne and Sansa are going to be linking up soon.

I have always felt that the Ashford Tourney Theory is linking Sansa to both Jon and Brienne narratively - Jon for being the dark haired Targaryen Prince defender and Brienne for being the Dunk descendant and True Knight that interrupts the tourney. Not only that, but Jon has that "she wished for a hero to strike him down" "ed, fetch me a block" parallel that I think is really important.

BUT. They're not the only ones with links like this. Theon has the similar link of how life is not a song and is actively grasping for redemption when we last left him. Podrick, like Brienne, is on a True Knight's quest to save Sansas and is discounted as a hero despite having several heroic moments for himself - including actively seeking Brienne out to help with her quest. Tyrion frequently struggles with concepts of morality but is on an absolute downward trajectory.

Who is not tied to these last two concepts nor acts at all like a True Knight? Aegon VI (arguable I suppose), Harry Hardyng, and once again, Littlefucker.

IN SUMMATION

Who doesn't fit any of the critera? Littlefucker, and that's why his ass is grass.

Who fits very little of the criteria? Tyrion (too old, not likely to live in Winterfell, cares too much about her title, on a downward spiral), Sandor (too old, too low born, not a True Knight and not becoming one any time soon, plus Arya will kill him if he tries something), Aegon VI (would not relocate, is not tied to the concept of a True Knight, plus he's doomed), Harry Hardyng (would not relocate, cares too much about titles, is not a true knight nor atypical in way, doesn't seem given to romantic sensibilities).

Who fits most of the criteria? Jeyne Poole and Margaery Tyrell. However there are pretty big plot reasons Margaery won't have any sort of romantic, subtext or otherwise, long lasting relationship with Sansa so even though on paper she fits, I think she's highly unlikely to impossible.

Who fits all of that criteria, ie, close to her age, has an important name (or has a reason why it doesn't matter), and is an Atypical True Knight with a romantic outlook on life with narrative links to Sansa? Brienne of Tarth and Jon Snow, and arguably Theon Greyjoy and Podrick Payne.

Anyways I think Sansa should start a bisexual polycule in the North. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[fics-n-stuff-n-stuff]

Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia

Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser

Levy McGarden/Gajeel

all fairy tail characters basically -

Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic /

Follows Fairy tail, but with my own twists set in modern day

/ Fluff and Angst / Romance / Friendship / developing feelings / Lucy has new spirits I checked constellations and gave her ones I thought were cool

Summary

Lucy is thrown into a world she didn’t know existed. Join her as she unravels this new world full of magic that brings adventure, romance and destruction along with it.

———

Just a modern re-telling of Fairy tail following its arcs with a few twists and turns along the way💞

You can also read it here-

———————————————

Chapter 3

Lucy spent some time just crying and trying to calm herself down, cradling the golden key close to her chest.

"Why don't you go downstairs, find Mira, and she can give your guild mark, we can handle the rest of the paperwork at a later time. I think these past few days have been taxing for you." The Master spoke after a few minutes, once her crying subsided.

Lucy nodded offering the man a small strained smile, standing up she made her way to the door before stopping with her hand on the handle and turned around to face the man once more.

"I would appreciate it if my past and last name stayed between us, I'm not ready for anyone to know."

Lucy said a little apprehensive and the old man gave her a firm nod, waving his hand dismissively in the air.

"No need to worry my dear, we don't pry here at Fairy Tail. When and if you are ready to talk about your past, know that we're here for you."

Giving the old man a  more genuine smile she thanked him and left the office. Closing the door behind her, Lucy paused for a moment and rested her back on the door.

Taking a few deep breaths to center herself, still reeling from her newfound memories.

Memories of her mother, and the spirits they both loved.

Lucy knew her father was a cruel man, but she never thought he'd be able to surprise her with his behavior.

This should be a lesson not to underestimate him, not that she did in the first place, but this is a whole new ballpark.

'To think he's known about magic this whole time.'

A loud crash echoed through the guild, pulling her from her thoughts.

Focusing her attention, Lucy could hear the bustle of a crowd coming from downstairs, indicating that she was in the office with the Master for a while.

Shoulders back and head held high Lucy made her way back down the stairs.

She couldn't see Wendy, but she did spot Levy sitting at a different table than this morning, she was explaining something to the two men who were sitting at her side, looking thoroughly confused.

One had an orange ponytail and was wearing a purple shirt, that in Lucy's opinion clashed with his hair.

The other was a black-haired man, with one piece of his hair sticking out and curling above his head.

Lucy smiled and waved at Levy as she passed her table, the blue-haired girl smiled at her before going back to her explanation.

Nearing the bar, Lucy could see that the girl that was drinking this morning was now surrounded by two empty barrels, and was currently drinking her third.

'Is she even human?' Lucy thought in disbelief.

Looking around, she could see people scattered along the tables of the guild.

Most were drinking, eating, and talking amongst themselves, having fun, and enjoying each other's company.

While others seemed to be brawling in the back corner of the building, there was a mass of limbs and bodies entwined, magic flashing as blows were exchanged.

There was a raised platform of sorts on the right side, with what looked like a bulletin board, papers pinned to it with a few people gathered around.

She spotted Mirajane behind the bar and went straight to her.

"Hello Mirajane" Lucy greeted the girl, sitting on one of the barstools.

"Oh, Hello Lucy. Call me Mira, please, everyone does. Now tell me did your talk with the master go well? Are you hungry? I can have Lis cook you something if you are." The girl asked Lucy, fretting over the girl.

Lucy was stunned for a moment. Not used to people caring about her and not being employed to do so. She looked at the girl in front of her and gave her a small, almost shy smile.

"The talk went well, thank you for asking. He actually sent me down here to find you so you can give me my guild mark."

Lucy told her, and the smile on Mira's face widened, clapping her hands together in joy the white-haired woman jumped at Lucy's words.

"Oh that's wonderful, I was hoping he would ask you to join. Let me just get the stamp." And before Lucy could say anything Mira was off.

Left to her own devices, Lucy started thinking about what she was supposed to do now that she agreed to join Fairy Tail and learn more about her magic.

Where was she supposed to live? She should go and look for a job, despite her bad luck a couple of days back, she's sure she can find something to at least pay for a down payment for an apartment.

She just hoped she wouldn't need to use her emergency savings.

"Hi, you must be Lucy." A soft voice brought her out of her thoughts, looking up Lucy saw the short-haired girl that was helping Mira behind the bar this morning.

She was looking at Lucy with a smile on her face, and as they made eye contact she continued talking.

"I'm Lisanna, Mira's younger sister. It's nice to meet you" She held out her hand for Lucy to shake.

Taking her hand Lucy smiled back at the girl. "Yes, hi. It's nice to meet you as well. You and Mira look alike."

Lisanna waved off her statement "It's just the hair, our brother Elfman has white hair too, it's a Strauss thing." She said with a shrug and pointed out the tall, muscular white-haired man that was laughing at something happening across the bar.

When she got a better look, Lucy realized it was the same man that Natsu hit with the chair last night.

"Oh yeah, I can see that. It's actually kind of cool, like, I've never seen so many unique hair colours that are natural before." Lucy answered looking back at Lisanna.

"You'll come to see that's a staple of our world. Not all, but a good majority have unique hair colours. I could say you fit in the category as well. I've never seen hair that looks so much like gold before, it's really beautiful." Mira's voice joined the conversation as she walked behind the bar, setting down a large stamp.

Lucy blushed a little at her compliment. 

"Thank you." She muttered, feeling shy all of a sudden.

"Oh isn't she just the cutest?" Mira asked Lisanna when she noticed her blush, making Lucy even more red in the face.

"She sure is sis. I'll leave you to it then, I just wanted to say hello, need to get back to the kitchen and finish up some orders. Bye Lucy, welcome to Fairy Tail!" Lisanna said with a giggle, and Lucy waved at the girl as she walked away.

"I have the stamp, now, tell me where would you like your guild mark to be, and what colour?" Mira asked, holding the stamp up, and raising a brow at her.

Lucy looked back at Mira and thought about what colour she would want permanently on her body, and was about to ask the girl if she could change it once it was on if she didn't like it when she heard a loud crash and a familiar voice yell.

"Ya're gonna pay for that ya ice prick."

Turning her head, she spotted him easily.

He was in the back where she earlier saw people fighting, he had flames wrapping around his whole body and was charging at a  man with midnight black hair, who seemed to be only his boxers for some reason.

Turning back to look at Mira she was about to ask what the hell that was about.

"Don't worry about them, they fight like that all the time, it's harmless. They're just lucky Erza is out on a job or she would have their heads." Mira told her and Lucy nodded her head.

"It's good to know they won't bring down the building, but I was actually going to ask about the guy in his boxers?" Lucy said making Mira laugh.

"Well, that's debatable. " The other girl muttered to herself "And as for the 'stripper' as Natsu so eloquently calls him, that is Gray.

He uses Ice Magic, he claims that the person who taught him magic made him strip every day to his boxers so he could learn to endure the cold, and the habit stuck." She shrugged her shoulders and then added as if an afterthought.

"If he ever starts stripping near you, do not hesitate to hit him." Mira told her with a devilish smile.

"Huh, I don't know whether that makes sense or not." Lucy replied honestly, looking over her shoulder at the two brawling men.

She could see fire and ice mixing in a blur of attacks and could feel heat followed by gusts of cold when they exchanged blows.

Then she saw a flash of pink in all the chaos.

Lucy looked down in her lap, and traced the back of her left hand, looking back up at Mira she held out the hand to her with a smile.

"Could you make it pink?" She tried to be nonchalant, but Mirajane just gave her a knowing look before nodding her head.

She took Lucy's offered hand and pressed the stamp to the back of it.

There was a slight tingle when the stamp made contact with her skin, it was a different sensation to her own magic, but it made her feel safe, protected, even.

Mira applied pressure for a few seconds before lifting it to reveal a pink fairy with a tail on the back of Lucy's hand.

"I love it!" Lucy said, turning her hand for Mira to see. "It suits you." The older girl answered with a smile.

Lucy was about to ask Mira if she knew where she could find an apartment or any kind of job when a warm arm draped over her shoulder, making her jump slightly.

"Luce, why didn'tya tell me you were done talking to the old man!" Natsu interrupted her inquiry as he appeared next to her.

She relaxed knowing it was Natsu and answered. "I didn't even see you when I got down here, you said you'd wait for me at the bar, so I came to the bar." She shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what to think of the current contact between them.

She didn't mind, Natsu was warm and his presence somehow had an almost calming effect on Lucy.

It's just the way she was raised. It was not 'proper'. But Lucy never cared much for proper, to begin with.

It had been installed in her since she was little, and she ran away so she could just be normal, just be Lucy.

That's what she was to Natsu, so she let him keep his arm over her shoulder. The pink-haired man looked at her with a bashful smile, hand rubbing his neck in a sign of embarrassment.

"Ya took too long and I started to get bored after Mira told me I couldn't eat anymore or there won't be food left for everyone else, so I went to pick a fight with the stripper." He said with a small shrug making Lucy giggle.

He was ridiculous.

"I'm sure it was hard to wait so long." Lucy teased poking his side with her finger. "Sorry, I kept you waiting."

He shrugged it off, turning to Mira, who was mixing a drink for someone as she pretended not to listen in on their conversation.

"Hey Mira, can ya get me some fire whiskey when you can?" The white-haired girl gave him a nod.

He sat down at the bar next to Lucy.

"By the way, look-" Lucy held up the back of her left hand to show him her new guild mark a wide smile on her face "I'm a part of Fairy Tail!"

Natsu looked at her hand, then back at her, and let out a small scoff.

"Of course, you're a part of Fairy Tail, why'd ya think I brought ya here?" He said as if it were obvious, making Lucy feel warm on the inside.

"Where is here, by the way? I have a storage room with all my belongings that I have to clean out by Friday, what day is it anyway?"

Lucy asked she arrived in Hargeon on Sunday morning, and she was not sure how much time she spent unconscious after her attack.

"It's Tuesday ya weirdo. And we're in Magnolia. That's where Fairy Tail is!" Natsu told her and Lucy gaped at him, mouth slightly open.

"Gods I lost two days, and how are we in Magnolia?"

"Well, when I kicked that thing's ass and saw ya bleedin' out I called Mira for a portal and brought ya here." He shrugged casually.

Lucy felt a headache coming, she was reeling from all the information she had received in the past two days, getting ten hears of locked memories back and now she finds out portals are apparently, a thing.

Because why wouldn't they be in a world where a man can light himself on fire? How is that any less weird?

"And don't call me a weirdo!" She said suddenly, hitting him on the back of his head as she remembered that he's called her that twice now.

Natsu rubbed the back of his head, turning to look at her with a slight pout.

"Whatcha do that for Luce, it hurt." He asked

"I told you why, don't call me a weirdo. Or Luigi, for that matter." She muttered the last part, but he seemed to have heard as he let out a slight laugh.

"But you are a weirdo." He shot back, and at her glare decided to change the topic.

"So I can call ya Luce then?" He asked suddenly taking Lucy off guard.

"You can call me Luce." She managed to say in a somewhat neutral tone, trying and partially failing to hide her blush.

"Cool, so what did take you and Gramps so long anyway?" He beamed at her, genuinely curious, moving to take the shot of whiskey in front of him.

"Oh, well, I discovered that my dad was the one that bound my magic, he also, he-" A lump formed in Lucy's throat as she tried to get the words out, eyes watering slightly.

She felt a warm hand envelop one of hers and when she looked up at him, Natsu gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Lucy took a deep breath.

"My mother was a mage. She could summon spirits from a different realm, when I was little I used to steal her keys and try to use them." She let out a small laugh, a few tears cascading down her cheeks.

"It would work sometimes, and other times I would just use up a lot of my magic and stop trying."

She remembered how many times she fainted in hopes of keeping opening one of the gates. And how many times her father yelled at her for it.

Clenching the hand that wasn't holding Natsu's she continued.

"They were my friends. They were my mother's friends." Lucy didn't know why she decided to share a part of her story with Natsu, but it made her feel a bit lighter.

"I thought you didn't know anything about magic before today, or yesterday. Or was it Sunday?"

He asked getting lost in the minutiae and making Lucy let out a giggle, shoulders dropping, she relaxed her posture and noticed their hand were still entwined.

She gave his hand a squeeze bringing his focus back to her.

She offered him a small smile "I didn't know about magic until yesterday. Well, I did, my father just decided that what good is it binding my magic, if I could still remember it exists?"

She felt Natsu's body temperature rise at her words, even the air around them was getting hotter, his eyes were glaring at her, but the anger was not directed toward her.

"Are ya tellin' me that your father did this? What kind of fucked up person does something like that to their kid?" He grits out and Lucy's heart swells once more.

"Hey, it's okay. The Master managed to bring my memories back and even gave me one of my mother's keys. Look, this is Aquarius!" She tried to divert his anger and get him to focus on something else.

The key warmed in her hands when she touched it.

His eyes snapped to the key the moment she pulled it out of her pocket. Fixated on it with a strange look on his face.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked snapping his attention to her. "Are you okay?"

Natsu's eyes shot back to the key in her hand inspecting it, before looking back at Lucy with a smile that wasn't as bright as it usually was.

"Yeah, I'm good. That sounds like cool magic to have, are ya gonna summon it here?"  He asked.

"Well, I need water to summon Aquarius, a lake, or a river." Lucy answered, knowing that she could summon the water spirit from a pond, or even a fish bowl or toilet.

But from what she remembered of the water spirit she was mean and scary on a good day. Summoning her for the first time in a place like that would not end well.

'She would try and drown me.' Lucy shuddered at the thought. The key in her hand heated up even more at her thoughts.

"Okay, let's go get your stuff and see what your magic can do!" He said enthusiastically taking her hand and pulling her out of the guild doors before she could even protest.

With a bright flash, they both stumbled out of the door and into an empty street.

Slightly disoriented, Lucy stood straight with Natsu's help, looking around she couldn't see anyone around, it looked like a deserted part of town.

"Uh, where are we exactly?" Lucy asked turning to Natsu, who was dusting himself down.

"This is where I portaled from the other night, we are a few streets from the sea, do ya wanna go check out the key first or get your things ?" He asked her.

"So we're back in Hargeon." Lucy said to herself.

"We can go to the beach first, then we can find something to eat. Sounds good?" Lucy asked and Natsu let out a spew of fire from his mouth

"Yeshh, I'm all fired up now." He took her hand in his and started running in the direction of the beach. Or at least Lucy hoped.

* ********* ********** ********** ********* *

"Are ya gonna do somethin' or are ya gonna stare at it all day?" Natsu's voice broke her staring contest with Aquarius's key, and she turned to look back at him.

They arrived on the beach thirty minutes ago, and ever since Lucy had been standing at the shore, key in hand, frozen.

He was sitting crossed-legged, drawing patterns in the sand.

"Okay, I can do this, you're right."

Bracing herself, Lucy closed her eyes, thinking back to what, and how she felt when summoning her mother's spirits.

She felt her magic flow through her, looking for a way out, she focused on the key in her hand and felt it heat up.

Opening her eyes Lucy saw the key glowing slightly, she put the front in water.

"Open, gate of the water bearer, Aquarius." She exclaimed and felt a drain on her magic as a flash of light brought forward a blue-haired mermaid caring a jug.

She appeared, levitating on a wave of water.

"So cool." Lucy heard Natsu mumble from behind her at the woman's appearance.

"Tch, took you long enough to summon me. I don't have all day for you to make up your mind. I have a hot boyfriend waiting for me you know!" The spirit greeted her and Lucy's heart clenched at the familiar feeling the spirit ignited within her.

She felt tears build up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, it's just after everything I was a little scared you would be mad at me. How is Scorpio?" Lucy told the spirit, voice cracking a bit.

She could feel warmth at her back and knew Natsu was behind her. He didn't touch her, but his presence brought her comfort.

The spirit's face softened at Lucy's words, shifting the jug in her hands, a splash of water came out and hit Lucy in the face.

"None of it was your fault. You need to get yourself together, build up your strength and learn how to use your magic." Aquarius told her.

Lucy nodded. "I will, I promise. Do, do you know where Mom sent any of the others?" She asked tentatively.

"I know where some of them are, but you will have to figure it out yourself." The woman answered her looking like she wanted to tell, but couldn't.

Lucy started to feel a bit dizzy holding Aquarius's gate open and swayed slightly on her feet. Natsu's hand was around her elbow in an instant, his chest supporting her back.

"Stupid girl. You haven't summoned a spirit in over 10 years and your magic isn't used to the strain yet. Let's make a contract before you pass out, and so I can go and get ready for my date."

* ********* ********** ********** ********* *

After making a contract with Aquarius (She can only summon her three times a week, never on a Saturday. Unless it's an emergency.) 

Natsu and Lucy left the beach to go and find something to eat as it was nearing 4 pm at that point.

"I know this great buffet we can go to, it's all you can eat."  Natsu told her as they walked down the streets of Hargeon.

Lucy was listening to him rant about the amazing food at the diner and was looking around the shop displays as they passed when she saw an ornate silver key in one of the windows.

"Hey, let's go in here for a second, I wanna look at something."

She said to Natsu as she stopped, he pouted at her, clearly wanting to get to the diner as soon as possible but Lucy had to know if this was a summoning key.

"Look, that key has a constellation on it." She pointed out to him and he looked at the display and shrugged.

"Sure, let's check it out." 

Going into the store Lucy could tell it was owned by someone who loved antiques and knew how to care for them.

There were shelves filled with elaborately decorated trinkets, medieval pieces of armor, art, sculptures, and books that looked ancient in their own right

"Good afternoon, welcome to Herondale and Sons, may I assist you in any way?" A blonde-haired young man asked them, coming from behind the counter.

Lucy could feel Natsu's warmth at her back, her shoulder touching his chest.

"Good afternoon, yes I was wondering if I could take a look at the silver key that is in your display?" Lucy asked.

"Certainly, let me get it for you." The man replied politely, moving towards the display and opening it before carefully removing the key from where it is laid out.

Walking back to where they were, he handed the key to Lucy.

"Here you are, let me know if you need anything else."

Lucy took the key from the man with a smile, she felt a tingle when she touched it, not as strong as it was with Aquarius but it confirmed that it was indeed a magic key.

"So, is it the real deal?" Natsu whispered in her ear and Lucy jumped at the sensation of his hot breath on her neck. While not unpleasant, it did catch her off guard.

She managed to hold in a squeak and turned around to hit the back of his head.

"Have you ever heard of personal space? And yes, it is real. So let's go buy it so we can go eat, yeah?"

He was rubbing the back of his, mumbling under his breath but at the mention of food, his head shot up and he beamed at her. "What are we waiting for then?"

* ********* ********** ********** ********* *

After spending an absurd amount of money on the key, they finally made their way to the all-you-can-eat buffet, only to find out Natsu has been banned for life because he cleared the food the last time he was there.

Lucy tried not to laugh at the clearly dejected man, but it was a little funny.

"Come on, screw them, we can find another place to eat, I'll even buy you some dessert." She offered to try to cheer him up.

He turned to her with a wide smile. "I know just the place." And with that, he smiled and pulled her in an unknown direction.

Twenty minutes later, Lucy found herself opposite Natsu, swearing to herself never to eat with the man again.

He ate like it was his last meal and he's been starving for months.

"What's wrong? Don'tcha like the food?" He asked with a mouthful of food and Lucy couldn't help but grimace at the sight.

"No, the food is great. But you eat like an absolute pig, and it's a little unappetizing." She answered honestly making Natsu choke on his food.

Coughing into his hand, he managed to swallow his food and looked back at her.

"Geez, I never thought of that, sorry I was hungry." He looked a bit awkward admitting it and Lucy smiled at him.

"It's okay, just please try to be a little less messy. And don't talk with a full mouth." She said the last part sternly, making him sit up straight and salute her.

"Aye, sir."

Lucy giggled at his actions and started eating.

Natsu let her eat for 2 minutes before he went back to stuffing his face, albeit a little less gross this time around.

As they finished their food they both sat back in the booth.

"That was good food." Natsu said, rubbing his stomach.

"It was. You were right." Lucy told him making him smile. "'Course I was right, I know my food." He puffed out, blowing smoke into her face.

Coughing slightly, Lucy waved her hand in the air trying to get the smoke out of her face.

"Jerk." She muttered, making him laugh at her.

A waiter passed their table, making Lucy remember something she wanted to ask Mira before Natsu interrupted their conversation earlier.

"Hey Natsu, do you know where I could start looking for jobs when we get back to Magnolia?" She asked him.

He turned to look at her like she was crazy.

"I don't have a job, and I don't have any place to live. I can't just stay at the guild and do nothing. I only have so much money saved up."

That was true, before running away she managed to transfer the small amount of her trust fund she was allowed access to when she turned 18.

It was a good amount of money, it helped get her out of Crocus and put a down payment on her first apartment, after that she managed to find jobs and sustain herself and left the money for when shit hits the fan.

She thought that would happen when her father found her, but magical worlds being real works too.

"Why would you need to look for a job? Just work at Fairy Tail." Natsu finally answered her initial question, ignoring the previous rant.

"Oh, I guess I could waitress, or help Mira behind the bar." Lucy said making Natsu groan.

"No that's not what I meant, Levy and Wendy told you how being a guild mage works right?" He asked the last part more quietly.

"Oh you mean like going out and fighting monsters and evil wizards? No, thank you." Lucy told him making him pout at her.

"Oh don't be like that, it'll be fun. I'll even let you pick our first job." He pleaded with her,  giving her the full pouty puppy dog face.

Lucy tried, she really did, but he looked so ridiculous and somehow so cute at the same time.

So she just sighed dramatically, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly.

"Fine, fine. I will go on a job with you."

Natsu whooped at her response, making most of the diner look at their booth, Lucy slid down the leather seats, cheeks red.

'Idiot." She thought fondly to herself as she listened to him ramble on about how they were going to kick ass.

[butterflydm]

links for current & recent media

Since I am watching and posting about these shows and will be doing so in the future, I did want to post the links to the places I’ve been watching at, since as an international fan, watching from the official links is generally the most I can do to support the shows. If you want any kind of personalized content warnings for the ones I’ve already watched, let me know!

Most of these are based on novels, none of which I’ve read yet, unfortunately. I have read a very little of a translation of Mo Dao Zu Shi (the novel The Untamed is based on) but my brainspace has been better situated to watching things than reading things at the moment.

Currently Watching

Until We Meet Again (by Studio Wabi Sabi)

I’m all caught up at episode 16 and am dying. Pls send help.

UWMA is a great show -- it’s a queer reincarnation romance, and it does have MAJOR content warnings for suicide and homophobia, but (imo) it deals with those topics very well. In addition to the romances, it has some great friendships as well. Wonderful acting.

I have two quibbles with the show, one more major (the somewhat erratic narrative flow for the side couple) and one that’s just a line here or there (cw: body-shaming, basically), but the main plotline is just... deep and nuanced and the acting in mind-blowingly good. 💖

Why R U? (by LINE TV)

Tonally, this show reminds me of something like The Princess Bride or Galaxy Quest or Clue, in that it feels like a loving and sincere satire of the genre’s conventions that can be funny and silly but then also have genuinely touching emotional beats. It’s laughing with the genre, not at it, I would say.

Saifon & Zon are kinda the more comedic version of the tropes, while Fighter and Tutor are the more drama-based half, but they switch it up sometimes. The tension between Fighter and Tutor is excellent, even if the subtitles are... sometimes less than clear. Watch their faces and their bodies and not the words on the bottom of the screen, tbh (though the most recent week’s subs were better; I heard they got a new translation team?). 💖

Recently Watched

TharnType (by LINE TV)

Special Episode (costs $10 to purchase unlimited streaming; the main series above is free):

I was genuinely blown away by TharnType. It can feel very raw and unfiltered, but in a way that is acted and filmed beautifully. Character growth that is... intense but believable. Complex characters.

It does have some pretty major content warnings but if you’ve watched Black Sails or Spartacus, then it’s in that same kind of ballpark, warning-wise, I would say but again, I can definitely give details if you need them.

The chemistry between the two lead actors is scorchingly hot; it kinda has to be for the story to work, but they have more than enough electricity to pull it off.

The story fits together really well. It’s a relatively straight-forward romance when you break it down, but I find it particularly satisfying how Type and Tharn’s faults move their relationship forward as much as their virtues do. Their relationship starts out so incredibly messy, which is always a favorite thing of mine.

Very much looking forward to season 2 when it airs. 💖

The Untamed | Chen Qing Ling (by Tencent): you can watch it on netflix, or youtube, or viki.com (@three--rings has informed me that viki is official too 💖)

I mean, this show is everywhere right now, but just in case you missed the pitch: charming and chaotic bisexual necromancer demonic cultivator dies but then is brought back and reunites with the love of his life while solving a murder mystery in ancient fantasy China.

It’s about as queer as it could possibly be given Chinese government censorship laws; the acting for the mains is fantastic, the chemistry between the leads is wonderful, it’s PEAK ROMANCE at all times, it has interesting and complicated things to say about family and society. It will give you all the feels. It helped heal my heart so much after the disappointment of The Magicians S4 finale. Infinite gratitude and love for it tbh. 💖💖💖

Planning To Watch Next:

1. Love By Chance: I’ve seen a bit of it already, because I wanted more Type content (and, yes, not the same actor, but it was definitely still Type!), but I haven’t watched it in full yet, so I’m going to officially watch it all after I’m done with UWMA.

2. Joy of Life: not a queer show or a BL but it sounds really intriguing (and Xiao Zhan from CQL has a minor part in some of the ending episodes). Modern-day student is reborn as a baby in ancient fantasy China; it apparently has a lot of humor but also has heart.

3. 3 Will Be Free: I hear this has a poly relationship as the main relationship and they get a happy ending plus the actual story (surviving while on the run from one of the character’s criminal family) sounds intriguing.

4. He’s Coming To Me: Ghost love story with a happy ending. No playlist links available that I’m aware of, but lmk if it sounds interesting to you.

5. HIStory: Cross the Line & HIStory 3: Trapped: I don’t actually know what these are about! I think History is a bit of an anthology show, where each ‘season’ has a different plot? That’s the impression that I get. These are both on viki.com so that’s where I’ll be watching them.

6. Dark Blue Kiss: I think this is about an established relationship (and there’s a compliation video called Our Skyy that has the actual ’getting together’ bit & I should watch that first).

[softforcal]

POLY!5SOS HAS A BABY WITH READER

-part 2 to this HC

-Cal x pregnant reader here

-okay so you’re nearing your due date and everyone is on edge

-and as always, i know nothing about child birth, and with that said, here we goooo

-”did your water break?!” “no i’m just peeing relax.”

-”what happens if your water breaks while you’re in the pool?” “then i guess my water breaks in the pool.”

-waking up at night to go pee and as soon as you move Michael always snaps awake, “is it time?!” “no i just gotta pee.”

-one of them is with you at all times just in case

-you’re in the bath with Ashton, completely relaxed, eyes closed when Ash goes “fuck babe, i think your water broke!”

-you open your eyes and sure enough the water looks a little weird, just a little though so you’re not really sure… and then the first contraction hits you

-”holy fuck Ashton you’re right.”

-so he hops from the tub and doesn’t even dry himself before he throws on black sweatpants and a hoodie, running back to the bathroom with a robe

-”Ashton i am not going to the hospital naked.” you scream

-”you’re not naked, it’s a robe, plus they’ll all see you when you give birth anyways-”

-”Calum!” you scream

-and of course Calum comes running in and he immediately grabs you a pair of his sweats and a hoodie and the two of them help you out of the tub and into clothes

-”you tried to make her leave in just a robe?” Calum grins as the two of them help you out of the bathroom

-”Luke! Michael! it’s happening!” Ashton screams, “Luke grab the overnight bag!

-Luke shows up with your bag in his hands but Michael is god knows where

-of course Luke has to go find him and Michael is playing video games with his head phones on and as soon as he realizes he almost missed the whole thing he is screaming and running to the car

-”Michael you are not driving.” Ashton says as he helps you into the back then gets in the drivers seat

-Michael gets in the front as well

-Luke and Calum go in the back with you

-”so Ashton tried to make Y/N leave in just a robe.” Calum states

-”what?!” Luke and Michael both scream

-you’re holding Luke and Calum’s hands and the contractions aren’t super painful but then a bad one hits you and you’re screaming and Luke and Calum are screaming and then Michael is screaming

-”can everyone please stop screaming i’m trying to drive!” Ashton screams

-”deep breathing!” Luke suggests, beginning the breathing techniques that some lady on youtube said would help

-”fuck! distract me!” you yell

-Michael turns the radio up super loud and of course Youngblood is playing because of fucking course it would be

-but then you’re all singing it at the top of your lungs to distract you from your contractions

-it’s kinda wild tbh

-pulling up to the hospital and Michael runs in to try to get a wheelchair or something but Ashton goes in as well in time to see Michael floundering and not knowing what to do

-the two of them going up to the receptionist and Michael is like “we’re having a freaking baby!” and he’s all wild and Ashton calmly says, “our girlfriend is pregnant she’s outside her water broke her contractions are pretty close together-”

-as the hospital staff follow Ashton and Michael outside Ashton answers all the medical questions

-they get you into the wheelchair and one of the nurses finally asks, “so which one of you is the father?”

-they all look at each other but you’re the one to say “they’re all the father.”

-the nurses look at each other because holy shit

-but like… your doctor knows the whole situation so there will for sure be enough space for all 4 in the delivery room

-the nurses are timing the contractions and yeah, this baby is coming

-they get you into the delivery room and your boys are freaking out

-Ashton takes lead and gets Michael and Luke (who are freaking out the most) to each take a seat on your left side so they stop pacing

-as soon as the doctor shows up Ashton and Calum stop pacing and sit on your other side

-”at least you’re not all pacing, that’s good.” the doctor smiles

-you groan because there’s a contraction and this causes all of them to make sounds of discomfort

-Michael and Ashton take a turn holding your hand because Luke and Calum’s hands are still hurting from the car ride over

-”baby i’m so sorry but can i give you my other hand, this is my good guitar hand and-” all of you turning and screaming at Michael, “or not, i don’t need this hand it’s all good.”

-”you’re doing amazing baby.” Calum tries to sooth you

-”yeah, amazing.” Luke agrees

-you follow the doctors instructions and you push which makes all four of you scream again

-”Don’t make her push again that really hurt!” Michael whispers but of course you all hear him

-i mean valid but you kind of have to push

-”can’t the baby just stay inside?” you groan, “just a little bit longer?”

-”you’re doing great Y/N, but you have to push on three, one, two, three!” the doctor instructs

-you push and there’s pain but then the pain isnt so bad and the sound of crying fills the room

-”congratulations, you all have a beautiful baby girl.” the doctor says as the baby gets cleaned

-”you did it Sweetheart.” Ashton says, kissing you

-you let go of Michael and Ashton’s hands and they both let out sighs of relief

-Luke stands and goes to see how the baby is doing, Ashton going and joining him while Michael and Calum both kiss you and hold your hands

-”who wants to hold her first?” the doctor asks

-wrong question because of course they all do

-and it’s not like the doctor is going to decide

-”Y/N should get to hold her first.” Calum states

-they all agree and the doctor brings your baby over and sets it down in your arms

-your four boys come around you and you all look down at the beautiful baby that you created

-”you look just like your mommy, Princess.” Ashton melts

-yeah. you all know in that moment, your baby is going to be such a daddies girl, and she’s going to have four of them so she’s going to be the luckiest child ever

-and yeah, your title as Princess is gone. lets be real here

-”okay rock paper scissors on who gets to hold her first.” Michael states finally, “i will fight for this.”

-and he’s serious as fuck

-and yeah you never talked about who would get to hold the baby first

-no one even tries to rock paper scissors with Michael

-you hold out the baby and Michael softly accepts the baby, he’s so soft and is cooing and you can see him melting

-”hey baby, i’m your dada.”

-the others are getting restless because they want a turn so badly

-Luke’s right there so Michael passes him the baby next

-its funny seeing Luke, painted nails and all, looking down at this tiny human and he is grinning and is all angelic

-”she’s so small.” Luke whispers

-”no you’re just massive.” Calum grins

-Luke smiles and hands the baby over to Calum

-Calum’s beautiful hand tattoos contrast the new baby in the most beautiful way

-he is #sosoft

-Calum doesn’t even say anything, just kisses the babies forehead before handing the baby to Ashton

-Ashton beams down at the baby, “it’s me, the drummer who’s been soothing you for months. that was Cal, he plays bass for 5 seconds of summer-”

-you all laugh because what the fuck Ashton

-”in fact we’re all part of 5sos, we are the band, your daddies are a band.” Ashton laughs, “we’re your daddies.”

-the softest times

-they all cuddle you and the baby, usually in pairs because that’s easiest

-Ashton of course gets a picture of you with the baby

-one of them going on the twitter page to update and just say “just welcomed the newest member of the 5sos family, more details coming soon.”

-turning all your phones off

-when you’re able to leave the hospital Calum pushes your wheelchair to the car

-Ashton drives bellow the speed limit and a ton of people honk at him but none of you care

-getting home and they all fuss about getting you inside

-you’re still exhausted so Ashton and Luke take the baby up to the nursery while Luke and Calum take you to the living room couch

-Calum pulls you into his lap and rubs your shoulders, kissing your neck, “you must be exhausted baby.” he says

-you’re about to respond when Michael comes back into the room with the baby proof tape that you guys bought ages ago and he starts baby proofing the shit out of the room

-you and Cal watch and laugh when he doesn’t think one layer of tape is enough and doubles the layers of the coffee table edges

-”okay, i think i’m good enough to go up the stairs now.” you laugh

-they both help you up the stairs to the nursery where Ashton and Luke have already set up a chair for you right next to the crib

-having five parents makes things a lot easier

-like you’re actually able to get some sleep the first few months because you all take turns sleeping in pairs in the babies room

-so many cute pictures

-you bet your ass they’re all taking thousands of pictures of everyone with the baby

-whenever anyone looks exhausted someone is always down to tap in and take over

-but also falling asleep with the baby in your arms is a mood

-and the baby loves Michael’s hair, like she’s constantly grabbing at it and making all of you laugh

-finally posting a picture of the five of you with the baby on insta and the fandom has a heart attack

-the baby would be so wild though

-like she constantly has five protectors around but that doesn’t stop her from trying to wiggle everywhere

-her daddies trying to make her giggle all the time

-”she has your giggle Ashton.”

-like try as you might you all have internal guesses about who the father is but none of you ever bring it up because it genuinely doesn’t matter to you guys, you’re all the parents

-introducing her to the dogs and being careful just incase

-waking up one morning and finding Ashton outside holding the baby and showing her the lemon tree

-”seriously Ashton?” “its her lemonbrother.”

-and once this little monster begins to crawl its a whole new ballpark

-trying to give her respectful distance to do her thing but one of you always snaps and picks her up if she goes within a meter of something that could potentially be dangerous

-they all watch her with such wonder, like she is definitely the world to all of you

-trying to get laid during this period is so funny because you always have someone who can ‘help you out’ because the others will continue with the baby but sometimes it’s like “but Y/N, Princess is giggling again-” “Michael are you seriously turning down sex right now?”…. yeah, that convinces him

-they all love to sing to the baby to get her to sleep

-the baby loving Ashton’s voice the most and Luke is personally offended by that

-”aw Luke she loves your voice too, she just prefers Ashtons.”

-Ashton sitting with the baby on his lap and showing her how he taps beats on the drums

-she just randomly smacks it because, well, she’s a baby, but Ashton’s little drummer heart swells so much from that

-and it’s not like she can play with the guitars so no one else gets to have that experience and they’re all kinda sad about that

-bringing the baby into the studio for the first time and you watch her crawl around while her daddies work on music

-”but can we use her giggle in a song?” “Michael. that’s the best idea you’ve had in months.”

-the softest lyrics about their princess

-the baby having a bit of a fit so Luke takes her into the recording booth and rocks her while he sings his vocals and she settles down immediately

-”see Luke, we told you she likes your voice.”

-Ashton showing the baby new beats he’s working on by tapping his fingers on the ground and she just smacks her hands on the floor too and he melts

-they are all convinced that her first word is going to be “dada” because she has five of them and they’re constantly referring to themselves as dada or daddy

-so when the baby says “mama.” they are all shook

-four iphones getting whipped out to record it but the baby looks up at all her daddies and giggles because she ain’t pulling that shit again

-Michael playing video games with the baby on his lap and the rest of you are like Michael why the fuck are you playing first person shooter with OUR FUCKING BABY ON YOUR LAP!

-oh my god as soon as the baby starts to stand you all come running into the room and they each are there incase the baby falls

-they all want to see who the baby walks to first

-it looks like she’s going towards Luke but stumbles straight past him and hugs Petunia who was sitting behind Luke

-”are you kidding me!?”

-Petunia licks your baby’s cheek and you all melt because Petunia is in love with your baby

-your baby goes through a period where she will only eat if Calum feeds her

-and then one day Calum is doing the ‘open up for the airplane’ and she refuses, turning and looking at Michael

-”my time to shine!” Michael yells, running in and taking the spoon from Calum

-and these boys love taking her out and about

-Like Cal and Ash are down for walks or hikes with your baby on their back in one of those baby carrier backpacks

-the cutest pictures of Cal with the baby on his back and Duke running around his heels as he hikes up to the Hollywood Sign

-and Luke walks Petunia while pushing the baby carrier

-so fans see the boys, their baby and their dogs around a lot

-people are super respectful of the baby though

-there’s a scheduling conflict and the boys have to take the baby to the interview

-but its the sweetest interview ever

-like, they sit on the couch and let the baby just crawl from one boy to the other

-and then the baby says “dada.” which, i mean, by this point she’s said it before but never on camera

-and as soon as she says it they both just give her their full attention

-the interviewer rolls with it and adjusts all the questions to be like “so who’s voice does she like the best?” or “are you guys working on songs about fatherhood?”

-they just begin gushing info about the baby

-like the time Ashton died his hair a new colour and the baby hated it and wouldnt look at him for a few days until he changed it back

-”we think she likes red. she likes it when Luke paints his nails red, or when her mommy wears red lipstick, and she found an old picture of Ashton’s red hair and seemed to like it.”

-”and she likes the old music. our first album, she loves it.” Michael laughs, “it makes Ashton really mad.”

-”well Youngblood is really good and she’s sleeping on it!”

-”she sleeps a lot mate.” Calum points out. “pff. you know what i mean!” Ashton sighs

-whenever you’re home you and the baby are treated like royalty, you’re the queen and your baby is the princess

-they spoil the shit out of you

-the baby always wants to try to eat the food Cal cooks for you

-once again i don’t know jack shit about babies so this is about all i can think of right now fam, sorry ya’ll

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Ghost Spider #2 Thoughts

Sigh...more of the same...

This premise gets worse the more you think about it.

I mean let’s talk about the most obvious thing that didn’t occur to me before. So Gwen needs to pick her entry points back and forth from Earth 616 carefully because her powers don’t work immediately after exiting a portal. To this end she chooses a spot she knows will lead to a bill board with poles jutting out she can grab onto before her powers kick in again.

...why not just open a portal on the ground?

Then you have the utter lack of world building.

It’s fair enough to presume that audiences are familiar with the world building of Earth 616. It’s been around for donkey’s years and it’s the basis for just about every media adaptation of Marvel ever, including the movies. Even if it’s far from a 1:1 similarity it is close enough that even comic book virgins can jump in and not be at too much of a loss. That’s particularly true for a Spidey series where the premise is to be relatively normal, the only fantastical elements demanding world building being the spider powers (which everyone on earth is aware of) and the villains, who often speak for themselves or are famous enough that you can presume knowledge from the audience.

But when it comes to alternate universes like Earth 65, which are specifically alternative to  Earth 616, you do need to flesh some things out. And so far beyond Gwen is a super hero and not dead, nor is her Dad and Jameson’s son is an evil gangster not much world building going on.

More problematically is the fact that basic questions are never raised nor answered. Gwen says in Earth 65 she’s going to be late for a class in Earth 616. Is time synchronized though between universes? That’s a pretty basic question when dealing with parallel universes. In the Doctor Who episode ‘Rise of the Cybermen’ that question was answered almost immediately upon entry to the parallel Earth of that story, and the series at that time was trying to be baby’s first science fiction!

It’s not an unreasonable question to ask either given how from Spider-Man’s POV Spider-Verse (where he first met Spider-Gwen) was years ago but the first sentence of the recap page of this series states Gwen got her powers mere months ago.

Playing in the same ballpark as the bad world building is the ignoring of established continuity in regards to the Jackal. Now look, I could buy that Warren has gone so far off the deep end that he considers turning Gwen into a furry like him a good idea.

But...doesn’t Warren effectively consider his clones of Gwen as the real thing? Isn’t that the entire reason he cloned Gwen in the first place, why he set up the original clone of Gwen with a clone of himself to in a weird way live out his fantasy?

So why is he obsessed over this new version of Gwen, a version that for all he knows could just be another clone? In fact if you are Miles Warren wouldn’t that be the first thing you presume? It’s not like she has given any genetic samples he can test to confirm if she is a clone or not.

On the other end of this relationship I just realized how asinine it is that no one recognizes Miles Warren, especially at ESU. Sure once upon a time Warren’s identity was secret. Even after his presumed death in the 1970s Clone Saga his identity was a secret. But that all changed in the 1990s Clone Saga when he was arrested and sent to Ravencroft. At that point his identity became public knowledge. There were like SWAT teams after him for god’s sake! And it’s very difficult to believe that ESU, the place where he worked for years and then randomly disappeared from wouldn’t have heard about one of their staff members being a super villain. Especially a super villain who

a)      Became a player in gangland activities

b)      Was targeted by the Punisher...three times!

c)       MURDERED one of their other staff members!

d)      Was majorly complicit in an event that turned everyone in New York into spider monsters!

e)      Attempted global genocide!

f)       Seemingly died very publically

Those last two by the way? They happened on site of the Daily Bugle newspaper!

This isn’t even addressing how he was last seen Marvel Team Up 2019 where he was again arrested at ESU itself! This issue does nothing to explain how he went from that situation to this. Which I’m actually okay with as that was handled by a different editorial office. If you like that was Ms. Marvel continuity and this is Spider continuity.

Normally I’d let the other continuity errors slide but most of them are stories that are major major appearances by the Jackal and define his relationship with Gwen Stacy in the first place, which is the thing this whole arc is built upon.

But no. He changes his last name, and literally nothing else, and he goes unrecognized. Unrecognized in a school where Peter Parker  is a teaching assistant (still don’t know when or where that happened)!!!!!!!!!!!!! How on Earth is he going incognito? Does he just make sure to stay 10 paces behind Peter at all times??????? Hell Curt Connors is working there too and he has to know that, he just saw Connors in Clone Conspiracy! In fact GWEN saw him in Clone Conspiracy, she saw multiple clones of him looking just like he did in issue #1 why was she not reacting to that?

My God it gets dumber the more I think about it because in Clone Conspiracy we last saw Warren blowing himself up and that was 100% confirmed to be the real Warren not another clone so who is this guy? Not to mention that story also depicted Warren wearing a Jackal costume not actually transforming into a human jackal monster.

Now me personally I think nowdays the latter idea should be the norm for the character. It never made sense for a middle aged man to get the better of Spider-Man, but his 90s Joker/Matrix look was just terrible. Having him transform back and forth though is a great compromise. But again how did we get here????????????????

It’s all just so poorly thought through!

Going back to what I said last issue about the lack of information given to new readers, this story goes along with that as far as the Man-Wolf is concerned. His treatment very much plays out as the latest issue in a run which would be fine if this was merely Ghost Spider #51-52 as opposed to ALSO being Ghost Spider #1-2. To treat this character who’s affecting subplots the way he is as though readers should just know who he is doesn’t make sense with a major relaunch. We haven’t even SEEN Man-Wolf in this series but we’ve talked a lot about him.

Remember show don’t tell?????????????

The same applies to the ramifications of his actions. He’s responsible for a bomb. What bomb? He almost killed Harry? Who is Harry? Gwen tells some thugs to leave her friends alone but its not until panels later that we confirm they are Man-wolf’s thugs, played initially as it was that wasn’t clear.

All of this is a non-issue if you read the older run but if you haven’t then it’s confusing and alienating.

And unlike what certain people might say it’s beyond unacceptable to demand that readers do homework to enjoy a comic they already paid for.

Lets change things up and talk about the two positives I have. The art continues to be nice, I especially like Benji’s look because it is very reminiscent of Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane! And, as was common back when I was reading Spider-Gwen regularly, George Stacy continues to be the best character in this. The short scene in the kitchen was the best scene of the whole book and was genuinely endearing.

Okay back to the justifiable complaints.

So Gwen comments that she has to be subtle in order to keep her identity on Earth 616...but then towards the end of the book she enters a portal from Earth 65 into Earth 616 unmasked. This is stupid in general but extra stupid considering she knows her powers don’t immediately work upon exiting portals. So even if she wasn’t immediately spotted by someone or a CCTV camera she wouldn’t even have a spider sense to warn her of danger for a few precious seconds! Someone who’s life was upended by her identity being revealed (and was a public enemy before that) would be naturally wary of something like this. This isn’t even accounting for the fact that she knows she DIED in Earth 616 because one lunatic discovered Peter’s identity! Also if she can exits portals on roof tops why does she ever need to risk her neck over at that billboard?

The only other problem I spotted was that the colourist seriously screwed up Peter’s look as he has black hair instead of brown.

Besides all that the inherent problems of the premise from last issue still apply. Peter being a regular character. Gwen endangering her friends on Earth 65. The division between the supporting cast.

Ugh....this is gonna be a slog of a series isn’t it...

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: the lure of coffee machine burns and demanding customers proved too strong? Jimmy: Your gratitude at getting another smoothie an' all Janis: you found out I was a big tipper? Janis: grapevine getting oddly specific and vaguely complimentary Jimmy: Your boyfriend never said nowt, awkward and 💔 Janis: which one Janis: have to put him on the 'really, never again' list Jimmy: the one who works here but ain't me Jimmy: Pete Janis: so that's his name Janis: cute Janis: well he can't go on that list so I take it back Jimmy: Or I'm lying Jimmy: but I reckon I'd give him a better name if I were Janis: exactly Janis: one every lad has like Jimmy: what every lad don't have is a 🎸 and a band attached Jimmy: he's WELL unique 💕 Janis: OMG Janis: makes so much sense why you're 💘 Jimmy: I ain't 😳 it's the steam, alright Janis: 😂 Janis: If I was a nicer friend I'd be made up for yous Janis: obviously I've learnt from the best and I'll covertly hit that behind your back, sabotaging you every step of the way Jimmy: We mates now? 🎉🎊🕺 Janis: the best 💕 Janis: thought 💔 you ain't 💔 about the friendzoning, obvs Jimmy: I'm made up for us Janis: 😏 good Jimmy: you'll be well about having a gay BFF Janis: ikr Janis: as if they didn't have enough reasons to be jealous of me Janis: ultimate accessory Jimmy: I am gonna ask him to move in though so if you could piss off before the end of our shift Jimmy: Tah, babes Janis: how could you Janis: genuinely did not see this coming Jimmy: when you know you know, girl 💕 Jimmy: soz you didn't Janis: I know lots of things Janis: like his name and passion so tah, dickhead 🏆💘 Jimmy: @petechambers is what you need to know Janis: why you being so helpful Jimmy: he reckons you're my girlfriend, how far do you reckon you're gonna get Janis: reckons you're my boyfriend, by that logic Janis: looks like we're both fucked Jimmy: I don't fuck in the workplace, I told you Jimmy: only customers 👴👵💕 Janis: fucking hell don't say that Janis: not just their spidey senses tingling, eurgh Jimmy: 💀👑 and her #squad ain't here yet Jimmy: can say what I like Janis: 'course not, it's before noon Janis: and as long as your manager don't hear you, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 he won't hear me 😴 in the back either Janis: you must be dead Janis: all the freebie espresso shots today Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: should've let you call in for me Janis: dangerously close to admitting I had a good idea Jimmy: only the one Janis: one more than you had you poor 😴 fool Jimmy: You sleep alright? The 🐕 was being a right little twat when I had to go Janis: like I'd been drugged Janis: not accusing you Janis: just don't usually sleep that deep Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the barman was a bit Jimmy: could accuse him Janis: who am I to turn my nose up at free drugs Jimmy: 👮🚔 undercover me, remember Jimmy: might wanna hit delete on that Janis: listen, you've definitely crossed some boundaries yourself, idc how deep your cover is Janis: you keep it 🤐 and so will I Jimmy: Oh it's really deep like my 💕 baby Janis: 😂 Janis: yep, you're definitely 45 Jimmy: were warned Janis: didn't say I didn't like it 😍 Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: #whenshelikestherealyou Janis: just can't help but be goals, me and you Jimmy: tough job but I've already got a piss easy one Jimmy: I'd be bored to 😭😭😭 or 💀💀💀 Janis: so welcome, babe 💕 Janis: shame you can't be bored to 💤💤💤 rn though Jimmy: earnt myself a burn for cheeking everyone's manager 🙏 @god soz, like Janis: 🌩 Janis: he'll get ya Jimmy: bit late for the warning, Jenna but tah Janis: got off pretty light Janis: it could've been genocide, he's a big fan Jimmy: tell it to all the fans who want pics of me touching you up Jimmy: ain't gonna be goals for a bit, that Janis: bad enough you can 🏥 Jimmy: still got skin ✔ Jimmy: makes it a no go Janis: 😔 baby Jimmy: will to live ✖ Jimmy: least I've got you 💕 Janis: you poor, poor boy Janis: and your fave customers ain't there either, what's the rest of the crowd looking like? Jimmy: 👪 and 👫 Jimmy: be why I'm in such a romantic mood Janis: so inspiring, yeah Jimmy: nowt as inspiring as you obvs Janis: how many paracetamol did you pop Janis: very peace and love rn, you Jimmy: might be talking in my 💤 Janis: in that case Janis: let me hold you to everything you say Janis: go on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you/any of yous get a chance to walk this dog Janis: it's being batshit Jimmy: I let it out but unless Cass is up and about now Janis: If she is she's being as quiet as I am Janis: no worries, I'll take it for a run Jimmy: hang on, I'll text her Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Alright, boot the door in for us Janis: you what Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: 👮🚔 tactics, mate Janis: not gonna marry your da, remember Janis: no stepmum here Jimmy: well he chucks her 💰 for walking that 🐕 you're gonna at least wanna take that off her Janis: I guess I could let the dog in her room Janis: just blame you or the kid Jimmy: I did it earlier, dunno how it got back out Janis: clever girl Jimmy: 👻🐕 Janis: awh Janis: if I could draw for shit I would Jimmy: Have a go Jimmy: there's loads of shit in my room Janis: feeling #inspirational as well as #inspired, mate? Jimmy: you feeling 🥇 or 🙀? Janis: how do you know I ain't got plans Jimmy: Come on, I'll do it too, let 👻🐕 decide which is better Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: Crack on then, loser Janis: fuck off Janis: I never claimed I was good at art, 🎨 hoe Jimmy: Getting the excuses in already Jimmy: should've just backed out from the challenge, babe Janis: you should get to work Janis: doodling or your actual, like Jimmy: I'm doing both Janis: get you Jimmy: 🏆🥇👑 Janis: ⭐⭐⭐ for your name badge Jimmy: It says Jamie right now so you're alright Janis: 😂 Janis: doesn't suit you Jimmy: only been working here ages Jimmy: don't put yourselves out Janis: your names not actually James then? Janis: least they're in the ballpark Jimmy: Bollocks would it be, Ian'd reckon that too la-de-da Janis: fair, can't imagine that either Jimmy: and anyway we're all y or ie except him 'cause ❄ can't get ideas above ourselves Janis: don't stop every cunt I know giving their kids genuinely mental names though so Jimmy: I've wrote some mad ones on ☕ Janis: ooh #whenhescreativetho Jimmy: his new missus better fall in like my mum did Jimmy: fucked yourself you Janis: I mean, I'd change it but what to Ian, you've got the vision, like Jimmy: @ him Janis: from his house, that'd be hilariously psycho stalker Jimmy: he'd be 😍😍 so don't actually Janis: alright, in your bed not his Jimmy: Are you? Jimmy: Get up dickhead there's 🎨 to make Janis: 🙄 alright, on it Janis: ruin the fantasy with your details, why don't you Jimmy: ruin your lie in with my jealousy of it, tah Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: are you concentrating that hard? Jimmy: you need to if you wanna beat me Jimmy: doing you that favour Janis: so kind 🖕 Janis: so considerate 😒 Jimmy: I know 💕 Janis: [hit him with a cartoon of ghost Twix doing a phantom shit in Ian's shoes] Jimmy: [one of those recorded texts things of him loling] Janis: is that a lol of approval? Jimmy: 'course Janis: good, 'cos I tried Jimmy: yours is better than mine Jimmy: glad I ain't the judge Janis: rub it in pedigree, like Janis: she likes you better, maybe a walk would swing it Jimmy: she don't like that I only let her out in the garden for a bit Jimmy: so if you're gonna cheat Jimmy: would be 🥇 cheating Janis: from the professional himself 💕 Janis: leave a note, so your sister don't reckon it's been dognapped Jimmy: 🖕 and 👌 Janis: love you too Jimmy: [sends her his picture of ghost him walking ghost twix and Janis in a ghostbusters outfit getting him with the vacuum thing cos Twix is her true love but someone's spilt coffee on it rudely] Janis: fuck off Janis: that's actually sick Janis: can't even be that mad Jimmy: you ain't judging it either and ☕ ain't a treat she's 😍 for Janis: take the compliment, boy Jimmy: I'm too tired Janis: doesn't anyone at your work have a decent coke habit Janis: inconsiderate, that Jimmy: what kind of rock and roll god are you, Pete? fuck's sake Jimmy: 😱💔 Janis: if he's straight-edge Janis: have him Janis: won't be lectured by some 🤓 however cute Jimmy: from his feed I'd say 60/40 that he is Jimmy: gutted pisshead Janis: actually devastated Janis: please give me time to grieve Jimmy: me an' all, gonna have to rely on you and only you to get me through this shift Janis: I haven't got any on me either, you know Jimmy: like I said Jimmy: he does 🚬 though actually, I've seen him Janis: 😻😻😻 Janis: oh thank god Janis: not ready to let that dream die tbh Jimmy: Alright, calm down Janis: you don't understand Jimmy: Have you even looked at his profile? 60/40 that bird's his girlfriend an' all Janis: idk what that's gotta do with me Jimmy: she's got better tits than you Jimmy: I don't reckon you'd win if you challenged her Janis: well I know I would but tah Jimmy: You ain't his type Janis: omg you don't know that Jimmy: try some heavy eye make up and a band t-shirt Jimmy: might 👀 at you then Janis: can't argue with good looking Janis: whatever you think you're into Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's with the negging Jimmy: What you want me to big you up? Got that covered ain't you Janis: nah Janis: but shouldn't affect you that I know my worth, should it Jimmy: it don't Jimmy: nowt you do affects me Janis: then stop chatting shit like that to me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: no or what about it I won't fucking talk to you Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't got time for you, my best customers are here Janis: lol really Jimmy: [a pic of them gals, chin chin] Janis: 🤢 Janis: if I never saw that face again, it'd be too soon Jimmy: [resends it with faces scribbled out] Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Janis: time for a stock check, probs Jimmy: time to post something about you more like Jimmy: [does about how much he misses her and how hard it was to leave her there asleep this AM etc] Janis: you trying to kill 'em? Janis: 'cos good job, honestly Janis: they'll at least have heart palpatations at that Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: could do better but this ain't a topless kinda place Janis: we're all 💔 about that Janis: should've taken some creeper shots whilst you were sleeping, my bad Jimmy: such an amateur you Janis: had other things on my mind, happens Janis: my reply will be extra slushy, how's that Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: obvs but yay or nay dickhead Jimmy: where are you? Janis: park opposite yours Janis: why Jimmy: do you look like you belong in a park opposite mine? Janis: fuck you, I'm clean Jimmy: I'm saying make yourself look like you just got out of my bed and get over here Janis: alright then Janis: but that counts as one of my debts paid, definitely Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: er yeah it does Jimmy: How is this a favour to me? Jimmy: They're chatting shit about you Janis: when ain't they Janis: I don't ever need to be in the same room as my sister, tah Jimmy: Stay at the park then Janis: make up your mind Janis: I said I'll do it Jimmy: Not doing this for my health Jimmy: they ain't wrong in thinking I look like shit and if you were any kind of nurse you wouldn't have let me go nowhere Janis: marry 'em then Jimmy: I don't wanna marry you why would I wanna marry them? Jimmy: Also how? In what sequence 'cause can only be one at a time Janis: 'cos clearly you trust in their ability to look after you based on this snippet of overheard convo, idiot Janis: none of them have had a boyfriend longer than 3 weeks, no time to get a fucking cold, nevermind get over it Janis: don't count, they're a hivemind Janis: cut off Mia's head, they all die Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how can they possibly have anything to talk about Janis: not seen any of them in days Jimmy: You've been online, nowt else they need Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: I'll throw a drink over Mia she'll melt, game over Jimmy: if she ever orders owt Janis: some sweet as Janis: that hot sweet vom will coat her mouth on the way out, enjoy that for hours Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: you'll make me vom Janis: such a baby Jimmy: Piss off Janis: you ain't cleaned up worse in the CG bathroom, no Jimmy: don't mean I loved every minute of it Jimmy: or that I wanna relive it right now with you Janis: k, just tryna kill the mood, baby Janis: calm you down Jimmy: Leave it out Janis: lighten up, me they're chatting shit about Jimmy: and it weren't me who invited her here Jimmy: stop being a knobhead Janis: I'm not Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: shut up Janis: what's actually wrong with you Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to you if you're gonna take the piss Jimmy: nowt wrong with that Janis: when did I Jimmy: This job is crap and I don't wanna do it but I ain't got rich parents Jimmy: so yeah, I have to clean up after dickheads all day Jimmy: and they get to say whatever they want to me while I'm doing it Janis: it's you who's assumed my parents are minted, you ain't once asked me about 'em and I ain't told you Janis: how far do you reckon 2 paychecks goes for 12 people, but nah, whatever, they got more than some Janis: but not so much that I'll never have to work a day in my life so don't come for me like I think I'm too good to clean a toilet or some shit Jimmy: Don't get at me when it's them you wanna Jimmy: we're supposed to be in this together Janis: I weren't getting at you Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Alright Janis: it clearly ain't but I weren't so I'm not apologizing for some shit you only think I said Jimmy: and I'm not starting something with you 'cause they're annoying Jimmy: So alright Janis: Fine Janis: that we can agree on so we'll just leave it yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: the 🐕 with you? Janis: yeah Janis: taking her back Jimmy: do me a favour and leave her there Janis: weren't planning on bringing her if I do come through Jimmy: I mean at the park to get actually dognapped Janis: well don't take it on on the dog either Jimmy: I didn't like her long before 💀👑 were on my radar Janis: ain't her fault Jimmy: is Janis: she's only a puppy Jimmy: cute enough to get snatched then Janis: i'm not getting rid of your dog for you Janis: do it properly if you're going to Jimmy: just trying to get rid of that IOU for you Janis: sure Jimmy: You're really scared to owe me one, you Janis: scared and not wanting to are not the same thing Jimmy: that'll be why I said what I said Janis: 😒 Janis: fuck off, what's there to be scared of Jimmy: You tell me Jimmy: What do you reckon I'm gonna do? Janis: shut up Jimmy: Easy, I'm faking I lost my voice either 'cause I'm 🤢 dying or 💀💀💀 from how well you nursed me Jimmy: theirs to keep guessing about Janis: ours to prove easy enough Janis: if we wanna Jimmy: Do you? Janis: I mean Janis: obviously I don't care but also Janis: why should they just get to go around being cunts all the time Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I also get that you badly miss Mr Lucas, babe but I ain't drank enough coffee for you to pretend I'm him 💔 Janis: 🤢 okay but don't Jimmy: I could take a few more shots before you get here but I might Jimmy: don't actually like it Janis: it's rank Janis: fuck the rest, being around the smell all day would be shit enough Jimmy: hang on, I'm gonna wipe off the chalk board outside and write that Janis: 😂 Jimmy: so inspiring baby 💕 Janis: if we could thin the crowd at all be ideal Janis: don't need the 👪👫s seeing this Jimmy: some of them did leg it pretty quick when Mia walked in Jimmy: not gonna want your kids or your fella seeing that Janis: honestly, meant to learn about death through a hamster, not your local 💀👑 Jimmy: well early in the day to try and teach them to spell anorexia Janis: thank god for spellcheck, eh babe? Jimmy: didn't have it when I communicated with her via napkin note but I think I managed Jimmy: will do if I don't think about what she'll do with it after Janis: basically sold your soul to the devil Janis: couldn't wait 5 minutes for me to get there Jimmy: already 👻 nowt she can do to me Jimmy: only come to life for you Janis: can't decide if 💕 or 🤤 that Jimmy: why not both? Janis: 😍 #whenhesthefullpackage Jimmy: give me everything you've got then Janis: you've changed your tune Jimmy: I've not Jimmy: been saying 🥇 or nowt since the start Janis: last night Jimmy: What? Janis: never mind Janis: both had a few by then, not to mention knackered Jimmy: Go on Janis: well you said don't give you anything Jimmy: it ain't for me, it's for them Janis: yeah, I know Jimmy: So no need to hold back Janis: wouldn't be much point coming otherwise Jimmy: I've gotta be fake mute, you've gotta be fake loud Janis: really Jimmy: We can't both be 🔇 Janis: Jesus Janis: why are you being mute again anyway Jimmy: I lost my voice 'cause you're the best at bringing someone back from the brink of 💀💀💀 Janis: 'course I am Janis: well don't put me off, I have a plan Jimmy: I just had to let you know loudly and repeatedly even if it cost me this #goals accent Janis: sounds about right 😏 Jimmy: Obviously, I thought of it Janis: I mean, it's believeable for you but alright Jimmy: A boy can dream 💕 Janis: dream no longer Janis: [post up hoe] Jimmy: [get ready lads and I don't just mean you gals] Janis: [least she'd always have her gym shit on her so can still have that moment] Jimmy: [yeah that's forever legit, and thank god he looks good in his uniform too or that'd be awkward like she's bringing it and he's blah] Janis: [when you're gonna have to just go for this lads] Jimmy: [he's gonna get a bollocking from his manager regardless we all know it, him most of all so nothing to lose] Janis: [when you come at him like 'I just missed you so much' loud/close enough that it's heard but you're already wrapping yourself around him] Jimmy: [when you have to be fake mute so it's all 😍 but it does mean you can just pull her even closer to you how he likes to do and go IN on kissing any part of her that'll get the best reaction, from her and the audience] Janis: [letting that happen for way longer than you need to before redirecting his mouth to yours so you can be loud without it being really indecent] Jimmy: [I feel like as much as they think they can read each other from all the make out seshs they've had he should've done something in that bit then that surprised him with how much she liked it even if they are pretending it's fake and he told her to be extra] Janis: [agreed like as much as it's all real it would be like the shock when they first kissed and she weren't bored so 100%] Jimmy: [just gonna put her on the counter for that mood and moment soz customers but like we're putting on a show here, not getting in trouble without making it worth it] Janis: [when you say his name and it's half 'cos you wanna half like are you sure] Jimmy: [when as much as you're pretending you've forgotten where you are you also have because so much pent up everything] Janis: ['come home with me' do you mean it or no we'll never know] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Mia's head exploding so get her down but onto the staff side with you so you can keep this going as you make your way towards the back like you're gonna continue this there/leave that way] Janis: [heheheheh] Jimmy: [obvs gonna keep kissing out there for a sec 'for realism' and in case anyone follows you like um what the fuck Jimmy are you leaving or wut not cos you wanna and you couldn't be closer and you haven't stopped since you started even when you were also moving, oh no never for that reason] Janis: [literal like in no world did they need this entire display also how you gonna stop, least his manager can come through to make that happen] Jimmy: [just like ahem #awkward because you know they wouldn't have stopped when he first appeared cos too into it so it's like EXCUSE YOU] Janis: [how shaming if either of you could care] Jimmy: [HOORAY for not feeling shame because yeah Jimothy you're gonna have to sit with him now and get told off looking that poor manager in the eye] Janis: [honestly you'd wanna die if you weren't so highkey distracted] Jimmy: [wait until Ian hears about this, he'll want you to die too] Janis: [nooooooooo] Jimmy: [no wonder he don't like Janis, no offense babe we know his actual reasons ain't that but] Janis: [she does get him fired we all know] Jimmy: [thank god he gets another job cos can you imagine if he couldn't they were all like no thanks you saucy bastard] Janis: [whoops, have to leave forreal] Jimmy: [how the hell are we gonna kick off a 'normal' convo between them after that MY GOD] Janis: how much trouble you in Jimmy: Not enough that I care Janis: good, not looking to + my IOUs that hard Janis: worked though, yeah Jimmy: How many stories has Mia posted? Janis: [screenshot of the longest line of stories ever but she's only on the first one 'cos not watching] Janis: more detailed than 24 hour news Jimmy: I get that I ain't the focus on her obsession, but get my angles, fuck's sake Janis: 💔 Janis: be more blatant, girl Jimmy: This plays like the Love Actually wedding video Janis: 😂 Janis: Keira should've told her husband to sort his friend, honestly Jimmy: I'm waiting for my full crop and her floating bobble head where mine were Janis: literally gonna haunt my nightmares, thanks Jimmy: Soz, I ain't seen her commit that edit yet if that helps Jimmy: we all know you can afford the software girl, sort it out Janis: no time if she wants to break the story Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it wouldn't take long if she knew what she was doing Jimmy: could've asked me Janis: we all know now she's not arsed about you Janis: sorry, dear Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: brb jumping off the roof Janis: could you wait a bit Janis: so it doesn't look like an immediate reaction to me Jimmy: gimme something better to do then Janis: well, I was sure you'd be sent home Janis: dunno how you managed that, jammy git Jimmy: #effortless Janis: must be Jimmy: 😎 Janis: sure you've got loads of invites in your DMs then, boy Jimmy: Yeah but Janis: but what Jimmy: I don't fancy it, do I Janis: still up to me and me alone then, is it Jimmy: for a bit Janis: okay Janis: see what I can do Jimmy: a full day's work won't 💀💀💀 you, rich girl Jimmy: promise Janis: my sister might beat you to it anyway Jimmy: she can try 🏆💪 we've got a pact and I called it ages ago Janis: can argue that one with her, if you like Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: have lost my voice going for it with Ian, not fazed by hers Janis: it's pretty grating tbh but you know Janis: nothing worse than the way she types Jimmy: Oi, there's nowt as annoying or loud as me Janis: don't need to lie to make you feel good about yourself Jimmy: Good Jimmy: a lie wouldn't Janis: and you're a cocky little shit without my help so Jimmy: with your help an' all though Janis: works for me Jimmy: I know Janis: what does that even mean 😏 Jimmy: What do you reckon it means? Jimmy: It means I know Janis: that definitely means you're chatting shit then Jimmy: If saying that I am works for you, babe Janis: 😑 taking the piss now Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: do what you've gotta do Janis: so fucking cryptic Jimmy: 🧩 me Janis: 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: OMG, smoking is NOT a personality trait Jimmy: I'm keeping you updated Jimmy: like a good boyfriend Jimmy: my whereabouts, what I'm up to etc Janis: subtle hint Janis: Mia teach you before she went? Jimmy: I weren't in the room as she 👀 it, remember Janis: on another 🪐 Jimmy: where you and her 😍💕💋💋 Janis: not funny, you Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: You gonna give me your update like a good girlfriend then or what? Janis: actually going gym Janis: as I've got the gear on, makes sense Jimmy: 💪🏆 gotta keep it goals babe Jimmy: one day I'll have to show you how it's really done, like Janis: 😂 Janis: ok, that was funny Janis: you've redeemed yourself, welldone Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I get it, you're scared I'll make you look a right tit Janis: mhmm Janis: scared I'll be overcome by how manly you are and all Jimmy: no need to be at the gym for that, mate Janis: just how you live your life Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you dope Jimmy: taking that as a compliment 😎 Jimmy: as only a 45 year old bloke can Janis: oh yeah, how's your 💘 after that Jimmy: I ain't about to have a heart attack, you're alright Jimmy: one lung but there ain't nowt wrong with the rest of my organs Janis: good to know Janis: though my case to sue you is definitely more viable anyway Jimmy: 💰💰 talks and you've got more of it to chat bollocks about me with Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: You loved it, I've got enough witnesses Janis: very unreliable Janis: they all hate me Jimmy: I will an' all if you drag me to court Jimmy: ain't got a suit or owt and I ain't buying one for you unless we 💍 Janis: fake marriage is too far, we agreed Janis: though would LOVE to ask them all to be my bridesmaids so I could dress them in the ugliest shit and watch the meltdowns ensue Jimmy: Go on, all marriages are fake any road Janis: just string out the engagment and planning then blow that shit up on the day Janis: s'a proper finale Jimmy: knew you'd get it 💕 Janis: suck on that pregnant amie Janis: steal your ✨ Jimmy: if she'd left it at that she might not be 🤰 Janis: don't make me laugh Jimmy: why? not enough cardio for you or? Janis: 'cos I'll look mental and not the new image I'm going for, tah Jimmy: Fine, I'll make you 😳 Janis: you can try Jimmy: [sends her a pic of all those epic love bites she did cos they'd look WILD the next day like] Janis: they look pretty Janis: very artsy Jimmy: proper Georgia O’Keeffe you Janis: 😒 I know she was the vag obsessed one, twat Jimmy: 'Course you do Janis: shut up Janis: not a moron Janis: or a lesbian Jimmy: Don't need to tell me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: Baby Janis: such a windup, you Janis: gotta have finished your 🚬 by now Jimmy: ain't that 👴 Jimmy: giving it my best go with my oxygen on Janis: cute Jimmy: So you want 75 not 45? Alright Janis: your type, not mine Janis: a fucked 45 is fine Jimmy: OUR type, babe, and I'm gonna find him Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 💕 Janis: stop being a goals fella and go do your job whilst you still got it Jimmy: that is my job Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: making me miss you and that Janis: if you don't you'll make me look bad Jimmy: couldn't obvs Janis: yeah her 😍 know no bounds, fair Jimmy: Oi, mine an' all Janis: awh, you jealous Jimmy: Of her? Jimmy: Yeah she's well close to 💀💀💀 and all I can do is wait Jimmy: 🚬💔🎻☕ Jimmy: #friendzonedbythegrimreaper Janis: always the bridesmaid, her Janis: you know you're 🥈 to my 🥇, baby Jimmy: you on the 🥊? Jimmy: that backhander really hit 😵😵😵 Janis: [selfie like pow pow] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [flirty posts and shit to keep it 'safe' haha] Janis: [as if anyone is doubting you rn, they seen enough lmao] Janis: you go this hard with your actual missus, like Jimmy: You've got her attention, be easy enough to go on and ask Janis: seriously Jimmy: What you reckon all that carry on at the CG dont matter to anyone but 👑💀? Janis: well idk do I Janis: why would I Jimmy: Talk of this town and the north Janis: at least any beatdowns will only be 📱 Janis: unless she likes you that much still she'll get on a plane or ferry, like Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: what outcome are you crossing your fingers for there Janis: 'scuse me Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: jussayin Janis: not fake fighting for you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not agreed to that level of soap drama Jimmy: where you draw the line that? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I mean Janis: not pregnant rn is she? Janis: fair game Jimmy: I should've opened with asking Jimmy: bit late now Janis: yeah, gonna look weird now Janis: subtlety is not your strong suit Jimmy: It's alright, it ain't hers either Janis: 👍 Jimmy: But I reckon if her hubby had it in him to put it in her since the last 🤰 she wouldn't be in my DMs Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: never know Janis: pregnancy makes you mental Jimmy: Yeah Janis: later then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [later] Janis: did kayleigh f invite you to her party too Jimmy: I dunno, did she? Janis: not your secretary Janis: check your dms Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: I ain't seeing her, have to crash 👮🚔 Janis: why am I so popular, damn Jimmy: gay icon Janis: ha 🖕 Janis: you actually want to go or Jimmy: Do you? Janis: idk Janis: ain't got nothing else on Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: hmm Janis: not sure what her identifier is, but she's alright, does sports science and shit too Jimmy: The party'll be alright an' all then Janis: doubt the squad'll be there so improvement on the last Jimmy: works for me Janis: if you're allowed, like Janis: ⛔ Jimmy: She gonna stop me at the door? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: nah Janis: guestlist can't be that exclusive if an invite found me Janis: not like we're bffs is it Jimmy: I'll go over the fence to be safe, leave a window open for me or whatever Janis: such a show-off Jimmy: You love a show, Juliet Janis: hm Janis: keep your feet on the ground, yeah Jimmy: Bit late for that 👻 Janis: 👏 alright, got me there Jimmy: right where I want you, babe 🎯💘 Janis: yeah, and where's that? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: gotta get those hourly updates Janis: could be ANYWHERE Jimmy: could be lost Jimmy: Where's this lass live? Janis: good question Janis: oh, like 10 minute walk from yours Janis: [the deets] Janis: easy Jimmy: might get there before my 👮🚔 co-workers then Janis: well i'll be ages Janis: and not 'cos i wanna be fashionably late Janis: so see you there Jimmy: I get it, looking proper #goals takes you longer than it does me 😎 Janis: 🙄 Janis: more like my gaff is in the middle of fucking nowhere and I ain't there rn but I can't go like this Jimmy: Where are you? Gotta be near 🛍 Jimmy: do your thing, rich girl Janis: who am I Jimmy: No idea, who are you? Janis: not a bitch who's gonna get new clothes for a party Jimmy: Alright, you can wear mine, stop begging Janis: however could I pull off such a 😎 look Janis: I daren't Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: never up for a challenge or owt Janis: what's challenging about your style Janis: been same since 1956 Jimmy: You pulling it off, so you said Jimmy: 🤷 if you can't, you can't Jimmy: see you when I see you Janis: and you lost your ability to detect sarcasm, alright Jimmy: might never have had it, how would you know? Janis: giving you benefit of the doubt that you ain't a total idiot but alright Janis: maybe not Jimmy: giving me what's dangerously close to a real compliment an' all there Jimmy: thank fuck you took it back before things got weird Janis: don't sound like me Jimmy: might not be Jimmy: can't 👀 or 👂 you Janis: yeah it's your biggest fan surprise Jimmy: that dickhead Jill is my biggest fan Jimmy: why I'm fake dating her Janis: get lost Janis: you're so annoying Jimmy: Probably will in a bit Jimmy: dry your eyes til then Janis: have you got a problem, like Janis: your sense of direction is for shit Jimmy: It's how they keep northerners in the north, mate Jimmy: ain't even allowed to leave in a ⚰ Jimmy: but 🤞 they bury you right way up Janis: you mean you don't want god to kiss your ass? Janis: seems like something you'd be about Jimmy: He ain't really my type Jimmy: 👴 maybe but a bit of a knobhead Jimmy: and there's the not being real Jimmy: got a fake girlfriend already tah Janis: one to talk 👻 boy Janis: that's just a third of his personality and it's your whole schtick Janis: jealous, clearly Jimmy: You reckon I'm jealous of everyone I ain't Jimmy: getting a bit awkward now Janis: is it Janis: sensitive and all Janis: n'awh Jimmy: I get it, you're that in the dark Jimmy: hang on, I'll put my 📸 on Jimmy: sort you out Janis: about what Jimmy: It's no bother, dark corners can be very #goals Jimmy: just don't 🙀🙀🙀 Jimmy: know what you're like, Jasmine Janis: cats ain't afraid of the dark, boy Jimmy: You don't play by the rules, girl Jimmy: or do you now? Janis: how much do you think has changed in one afternoon? Jimmy: Been a bit since I last had an #update from you Jimmy: could be owt or nowt Janis: ain't the only one capable of mystery, like Jimmy: Good Jimmy: this party'll be shit if I am Janis: what do you reckon you can get away with when you're my plus 1 Jimmy: my name ain't down but I'm still coming in Jimmy: do owt else I want once I manage that Janis: don't be stupid Janis: you know what I'm saying Jimmy: Make up your mind, am I stupid or what? Janis: you're being it if you reckon you can get with someone when I'm at the same party Jimmy: I never said that's what I reckoned Jimmy: I get that you're new to it, but there's more than one way to be mysterious Janis: everything is always about sex, end of Jimmy: For you paddys maybe Janis: pretty sure it's universal but alright Janis: whatever Jimmy: Are you? Janis: am I..? Jimmy: Are you so sure I wanna fuck some girl at this party even though I've been doing all this bollocks to stay single Jimmy: well done Jimmy: You've cracked it, like Janis: 1. single doesn't mean abstinent Janis: 2. why do you say stupid shit that sounds a certain way then get pissed when I take you at said dumb fucking thing you said Janis: 3. i don't care who you do or don't fuck but if that's what you wanna do, probably don't have me there for it Jimmy: I'd ask why you take everything the wrong way but that's obviously what you wanna do Janis: just say you're talking bollocks if that's what you're doing Janis: but also take it somewhere else 'cos I don't need it Jimmy: It ain't but go on and piss off yourself if you like Janis: First good idea you've had Jimmy: Take it then Janis: do what I like, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: and I got invited so how about you don't come Jimmy: You said it yourself, no way you're getting there 1st Janis: fuck you Janis: you don't even know her Jimmy: I don't know anyone Jimmy: race you 😘 Janis: poor you Jimmy: Lucky me Jimmy: Poor you Janis: don't need your sympathy fake or otherwise Jimmy: Fake or not, you ain't having it Janis: 💔 Janis: oh no Jimmy: Ill play the 🎻s when I'm on the clock if it's alright with you Janis: I don't care what you do as long as it's not at this party Jimmy: 💔💔😭 Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: You finished? Janis: with this convo Janis: why not Janis: with you in general Janis: sadly no Jimmy: Tah for the detailed update Janis: what you asked for Jimmy: 💕 Janis: hope you find your way back home at some point Jimmy: can't stay pissed off at me you Janis: if you leave, sure Janis: your standards are that low Jimmy: Don't worry, staying aint part of my plan Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we should skip to this party which he obviously gets to first, damn you Cali and your postcode] Janis: [this is such a bad idea like always] Jimmy: [living for it] Janis: [just showing up and avoiding your boyf like hmm okay lmao] Jimmy: [at least he's avoiding everyone anyway cos antisocial bastard so makes it less obvious that he's even there] Janis: [at some point y'all are both gonna end up at the drinks so] Jimmy: [we know that is where he's forever at getting drunk (great idea boy) unless he's outside 🚬 so easy done] Janis: [i die just like sup] Jimmy: [so will he when he sees her serving a look] Janis: [at least you can 'pretend' you've had a domestic, be that couple for the night but still, probably acknowledge each other's existence 'found your way then'] Jimmy: [believable that you could have cos nobody else needs to know he don't give a fuck about his manager or getting in trouble and everyone would be talking about earlier still. He shrugs because always. 'without your help or owt, almost like I dont need you'] Janis: ['well let me know when it stops being almost and I can get on with my shit, yeah? taking a can/bottle/whatever and walking away like good talk] Jimmy: [5ever watching her walk away] Janis: [why are you two here, being such delights lollollol] Jimmy: [Im gonna say he is playing drinking games because peeps have been trying to get him too since he got there cos of that new boy shine honey and theyve worn him down cos hard to resist a challenge or a drink] Janis: 🏆💪 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: even when you lose, it's a win Jimmy: 🥇 or 🤢 Janis: not if you can handle your drink Jimmy: they can't, soz to piss on your expectations Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🍀💔 Janis: tunes can't get much more morbid Jimmy: change them then Janis: won't change the crowd but yeah maybe Jimmy: You've handled worse Janis: don't be so hard on yourself Jimmy: Why would I, got you for that Janis: come on Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: never off the clock on that one, you Janis: ain't personal Janis: don't get to feeling special for it, like Jimmy: 👌 Janis: anyway, you give it back so don't act like you're 😢 Jimmy: I ain't acting tonight, tah though Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: try not to need a 🚬 for the next 5 k Janis: [goes out, obvs] Jimmy: I'll live Janis: good, don't need your death on my conscience Jimmy: I know 😇 you Jimmy: be alright Janis: not likely Jimmy: What do you want me to say to that? Janis: say what you want, you ain't acting Jimmy: fucked if I wanna say nowt Jimmy: already done mute to 💀💀💀 today Jimmy: and I gotta stay alive for a bit Janis: so that's my fault, yeah Jimmy: Nah Janis: it's not my fault people won't get off your dick because you're the new boy Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you treat me like it is Jimmy: and you treat me like what? Janis: how am I meant to treat you Jimmy: how am I meant to treat you Janis: I don't fucking know Janis: you're this weird kid who just asked me to do this crazy scheme with him and I'm the idiot who said yes, I guess Janis: but I don't think you knew what you were asking any more than I knew what I was going along with Jimmy: Stop it then Janis: why should it be me Janis: and why is that all you have to say Jimmy: Why shouldn't it be you, that were the plan Jimmy: and why would I say owt else when that's where this is going Janis: a plan you changed Janis: and acting like you have no stakes in whether it ends now or not makes it make even less sense Jimmy: Change it back Jimmy: not acting, remember Janis: then tell the fucking truth Jimmy: I fucking did Janis: what's the point Janis: alright Jimmy: There ain't any, that's what we're both saying Janis: least not one we're happy to admit to Jimmy: You're so Janis: we're gonna go for this again Janis: didn't work last time but go on Jimmy: Piss off Janis: why can't you say it Jimmy: this is fucking stupid Janis: yeah no shit Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: why did you come Jimmy: Why did you? Janis: to see if you would Janis: probably get drunk Jimmy: There you go then Janis: no you can't steal my answer Janis: then you'll just say you never actually said it and it's just bullshit to hide behind Jimmy: I'm here, that's my answer Jimmy: it weren't cause I desperately wanted shots to do to a shit soundtrack Janis: okay Janis: then go Jimmy: is it? Janis: if that's the only reason you're here Jimmy: I came here for you, you twat Jimmy: but alright, I'll go for you then Janis: don't just Janis: why is it like pulling teeth Jimmy: fuck you Janis: why Jimmy: I didn't sign on for this Jimmy: I can't just Janis: you think I did Jimmy: no Janis: you are literally the only other person who can get it and also the one fucking person who won't talk about it Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Jimmy: that this is Jimmy: or that I Janis: that it's not just Janis: fuck Jimmy: You know it's not Jimmy: every dickhead knows it's not Janis: I can't be Janis: I don't wanna be what we've pretended Janis: I ain't but Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: you know Jimmy: I wanna know Jimmy: come here Janis: where are you Jimmy: on the stairs Janis: [comes in Jimmy: [the eye contact bitch] Janis: [when that's all you're doing 'cos you suddenly can't move like] Jimmy: [deer in the headlights moment but dont worry babe hes gonna move and pull you SO close to him that you will die] Janis: [least that would kickstart you into being very clear with what you want] Jimmy: [likewise cos once you do start it's just like a not at all casual free for all of everything you both want] Janis: [heaven help anyone tryna use them stairs like excuse me] Jimmy: [you better find another way peeps because they cannot be tamed rn] Janis: [breaking away to be like 'we can just try it, right?'] Jimmy: [just nodding because if he speaks hes gonna say too much and none of us are ready] Janis: ['no phones, no fans'] Jimmy: [throws his phone to one side dramatically because that bitch] Janis: [when you lol but are also genuinely like 😍 so we back at it] Jimmy: [Its a good thing the squad arent here cos they would know he aint mute LOL so much so you have to stop for a sec and once you do 'when I said I wanted to leave some shit to mystery, this is what I meant. All I meant. For a night, none of the usual bollocks. Just me and you'] Janis: [nods 'I believe you. All the rest just had me in a bad mood. I mean I always am but when-' shakes head 'doesn't matter now'] Jimmy: [moves her hair out of her face after she's shaken her head because #shameless need to always touch it okay and just looking at her like you can tell me cos she can 'go on'] Janis: [bites lip but in an actual nervous way not a saucy one though you know same effect 'I was just fed up with all the things getting in the way of...this, as was, so then when you mentioned your ex- like I don't care if you get back with her but it's why I was so' shrugs like you know] Jimmy: ['I want you to care about me getting back with her more than I'd ever wanna really get back with her' when you just blurt that out nbd quietly but still boy are you drunk enough to be chatting like that, excuse you] Janis: [when you're just looking at him like did I hear that right or am I also that gone and going so red, mumbling 'you know I do'] Jimmy: [nodding in the direction of up the stairs 'let's go up, there's too many dickheads can see us' because its awks and also no fans is meant to be the point] Janis: [yeah probably do find some privacy] Jimmy: [probably the room of this poor girl that didnt even invite him] Janis: like excuse me madam you did not ask for this at least they didn't have a blazing row and ruin your whole ass party] Jimmy: [him shutting the door but then just standing against the back of it like UM cos his turn to freeze, boy this is why you dont speak, going too hard when you do] Janis: [least she's not like we MUST talk now 'cos also the pressing matter of actually being able to make out and not film it or cater to a crowd] Jimmy: [omg just being able to do what you legit wanna] Janis: [a mood, let's hope this girl's room ain't too distracting, have to be going some like] Jimmy: [I vote for a double bed because they deserve that] Janis: [the luxury, get on that boys] Jimmy: [actually having some space in all the ways, imagine] Janis: [not that he's about it or her tbh we know] Jimmy: [but at least you wont fall out if you move guys] Janis: [are we gonna cockblock this before it can go all the way] Jimmy: [probably should cos the way we did their first time before was pretty swag from what I remember, not saying this wouldnt still be but] Janis: [agree though, and easily done like get out me room] Jimmy: [yeah and you can still get pretty far before then we dont need to be that mean] Janis: [things can happen honey] Jimmy: [theyd have to because you cant tell me they wouldnt take the opportunity to touch each other in all the ways you cant upload anywhere or let happen with an audience, shameless as you are, and therefore have had no excuse to do]] Janis: [truly 'cos how bad you would've rather been doing this and she'd be telling him as much] Jimmy: [he would blatantly tell her that too but dying too much so you will have to decode it from the eye contact and other sounds he is giving you instead babe] Janis: [when that's such a mood and I highly doubt how Harry was lol] Jimmy: [ugh god no, he's such a twat] Janis: [defs not thinking about that rn like whomst] Jimmy: [they are gonna be FUMING when they get kicked out of this room cos never enough when youve been waiting and holding back for any length of time] Janis: [literally like opened the floodgates honey this hasn't solved anything but we getting there bless] Jimmy: [you thought you two were frustrated af before hahaha] Janis: [gotta give a reason why they can't just go home together tho, actually] Jimmy: [ooh maybe they do but Ians heard about the CG antics so he kicks off when he hears them come back, lowkey waiting for that fight like] Janis: [that's a good idea also brb wanna die] Jimmy: [at least she can go to Mcvickers when he has to kick her out cos not far Janis: [not that Ian cares, dangerous frankly sir] Jimmy: [honestly she could get murdered you slag] Janis: [giving some time for them to argue but not that much 'cos highkey] Janis: you alright Jimmy: You? Janis: yeah 'course Janis: sorry I got you in shit Jimmy: You've done nowt wrong Janis: probably debatable that Jimmy: alright gimme chance to stop with this bellend and I'll debate it with you Janis: let you focus on that one 🥇 Jimmy: harder work than a latte him Janis: savage Janis: hope you hit him with that burn Janis: oh, forgot about yours Jimmy: I can do better than that me 🥇 Jimmy: oh shit, me an' all Jimmy: ✋ didn't fall off though, must be alright Janis: 🤞 or I've really fucked it with Ian Janis: no one wants a one-handed babysitter, even if he's live-in Jimmy: wouldn't be very goals for a boyfriend either Jimmy: I'd make it work but like a fake hand is going a bit far Janis: pretty macho Janis: pretend you lost it in a 🦈 attack Jimmy: can only be a duel, Juliet, come on Janis: damn, you right Janis: don't have a cousin who's in love with me though Janis: hope I don't, anyway, awkward to find out like this Jimmy: be fun round the Easter table Jimmy: 💔 I don't have any cousins Janis: Poor boy Janis: idk if he was related to that first bitch anyway so there's still hope Jimmy: I'd only be stuck looking after them too, ain't that 💔 or 💰 broke Janis: fair Janis: more trouble than they're worth in all areas Jimmy: got enough on with this dickhead dad Janis: yeah Janis: liked it better when he weren't there, tbh Jimmy: #same Jimmy: 🙏 for us when you're done making sure my hand stays on Janis: add it to the list Janis: hard work but a 😇 gotta do it Jimmy: good 'cause I wanna touch you again Janis: yeah? Jimmy: and 🤖 💕 not what I were necessarily thinking Janis: 😏 Janis: leave the vibrator at home okay Jimmy: hang on, can't turn down extra limbs if I've already lost one Janis: make up your 🧠 Jimmy: Oi, I'm thinking of you here Janis: so the considerate thing weren't an act, interesting Jimmy: shut up Janis: so cute 💕 Jimmy: I just Janis: it's alright, only pissing about Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: promise it is Janis: not an opportunist mugger Jimmy: 👴💕 Jimmy: want me so bad they're willing to do owt now Janis: bit rude to use me as collateral Jimmy: they might not have that long to live, be fair Janis: so that means I've gotta wait Janis: 😒 Jimmy: we've got a pact you ain't dying without me Jimmy: and not til you couldn't 💕 me more Janis: alright Janis: what's one more day Jimmy: only gonna feel like a slow 💀💀💀 Janis: you're telling me Jimmy: I am, yeah Janis: mean Jimmy: Baby Janis: don't Janis: I miss you but I actually mean it Jimmy: I Jimmy: where are you? I'll get myself there then Janis: don't get into more trouble or never actually see you again Janis: real starcrossed shit Jimmy: 👻💕 Jimmy: You reckon I've got into enough for you? I don't Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I can handle so much more, girl Janis: you can't come here Janis: let me think of something Jimmy: Alright Janis: okay, if I can get us a car, don't ask where it's from, yeah Jimmy: not actually a 👮🚔 babe Janis: good, 'cos my rep really can't handle that Jimmy: the rep I gave you can handle anything I also wanna give you Jimmy: including my dad's 🚗🔑 Janis: yeah? Janis: 'cos I got one for tonight, less likely to miss it than mr 😡 rn Jimmy: Less of a fuck you an' all but you're right Janis: don't need any more interruptions Janis: actual 🚨s included Jimmy: actual crashes too 'cause I'm a shit driver anyway Jimmy: not how I wanna kill you Janis: not how I'm planning on going out either Janis: I'm alright, and we need to be in the middle of nowhere so Janis: come to this address Janis: [mcvickers house soz i'm stealing your car lads] Jimmy: [should we let him go or not though?] Janis: [that's the real questions and I'm fine with it going either way at this point tbh, Ian would probably be being highkey but that could mean forcing him to stay in or kicking him out so you decide] Jimmy: [yeah exactly either is plausible as is her getting caught by Mcvickers so 🤔🤔🤔] Janis: [oh, might be good to burn that bridge for a bit so then she simply has to stay at his 'cos can never be home] Jimmy: [omg true lets do that then] Janis: [triggering everyone with your illegal driving like your sister ain't die] Jimmy: [its the only way Tess would be angry enough to be like get out tbh so real] Janis: [a new boy for you to hate in your old age god bless] Jimmy: [why not its been a while lol] Jimmy: ? Janis: fucking Janis: i'm Janis: you should go Jimmy: tell me you're alright or I'm going nowhere Janis: i am Janis: i mean i'm beyond fucked off but par for the course Jimmy: 👌 Janis: this is so stupid Jimmy: par for the course that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: you have no idea 🙄 Janis: the ample opportunity we've had up until we actually need it takes the piss Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: same but Janis: don't mention it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: exactly Janis: sincerity is scary, boy Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: be fucked if you weren't fit, Janet Janis: shut up Jimmy: you wanted insincere, mate Janis: no middleground, no Jimmy: very 🥉 thinking that Janis: go away Janis: don't have time for 2 arguments Jimmy: me either Janis: 🤐 or 😴 Jimmy: Alright Janis: any chance of your dad forgetting what I look like any time soon Jimmy: We were barely in the door Janis: not like he knows my name if you don't so 🤞 Jimmy: Gonna have to change it for him anyway, remember Jimmy: no ie ending no 💍 Janis: just a place to crash again is fine Jimmy: Julie's basically it any road Jimmy: won't miss the odd letter, will you Janis: my actual has 2 letters in common but yeah Janis: whatever works Jimmy: 🌹 whatever you're called, like #obvs Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not necessary tonight so give him time to get over it Janis: just you keep 😍 #obvs Jimmy: soon as I can get back in, I'll let you Janis: where are you gonna go Jimmy: It'll be morning in a bit and then I'll go work Janis: I am sorry Janis: make it up to you Janis: but there's no chance she's turning this car around to pick you up Jimmy: he don't need an excuse to be a prick Jimmy: and Ill survive a shift without my name badge Janis: still, he got one Janis: I left a blanket and shit at the park near yours last time, strapped under the ramp but it's usually gone if I leave it too long so Janis: but Jamie's the best 💔 Jimmy: that's like saying I deserve this, fuck that Jimmy: Jamie might Janis: nah Janis: you know what I meant Janis: and Jamie was into it okay, I'll have a word Jimmy: don't go near him, I don't trust that dickhead 😏 Janis: I'll try but Janis: hard to stay away Jimmy: I'll have a word then Jimmy: he's too 😍😍😍 for you if you ask me Janis: what's it to ya Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just looking out for you, mate Janis: cheers 😏 Jimmy: You coming to the CG before your wanted posters go up then? Janis: once I've been delivered home for my 2nd bollocking Janis: not planning on sticking around Jimmy: I'm opening up for the rest of the hols as my manager's idea of mine Jimmy: tell them to get it over with and you can stick around here Janis: alright Janis: see you after my great escape then 🤞 Janis: you opening alone or you got your bff with Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the lass with the extensions? Yeah Tony ain't thought that through Janis: as if I've had 👀 for anyone but Pete, you fool Jimmy: What kind of rumoured lesbian are you? Jimmy: sort yourself out Janis: don't sound like my type Janis: fake? no thanks Jimmy: I mean, she ain't 💀👑 so I get you don't want the competition over tits Janis: fuck off Jimmy: her hair'll still fall out if you pull it, you can make that similarity with Mia work Janis: 😑 Janis: so unfunny Janis: good thing you're fit Jimmy: and I've got 😎 + 🚬 for my personality traits Janis: don't do it for me but sure Jimmy: that sounds dead fake but alright Janis: how does that sound like anything I've ever faked Janis: check your socials, there's way more 😍💕😘 Jimmy: I'd love to obvs but it ain't tomorrow yet Jimmy: and tonight we said none of that bollocks Janis: right Janis: how are we gonna do the fake shit though Janis: going forward Janis: still business as usual or 💀 Jimmy: Is that your way of saying you wanna fake break up to secretly date me or what? Janis: no Janis: idk Janis: is it gonna be weird Janis: weirder Jimmy: always were weird Janis: well yeah Janis: note that -er Jimmy: I don't see how it'll be owt different to faking shit when I didn't like you Janis: alright Janis: why not Janis: not not working Jimmy: we can just see how it goes Jimmy: play it by 👂 if you can leave me one 🧛 girl Janis: no promises 👻 boy Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you sure you want me coming in Jimmy: You don't wanna? Janis: I wanna see you Janis: you see my point Jimmy: I'll see if I can ban them all Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: I mean Janis: gotta win your manager back 'round somehow Janis: order all the lattes you can, gals Jimmy: come and splash your own cash, rich girl Jimmy: won't need them then Janis: you want me to 💩 myself Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: proper kink for me that Janis: save it for the 3rd date Jimmy: you asking me out? Janis: depends Janis: you asking me to shit on you Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: You gonna be 💔 if I don't? Janis: obvs Janis: lifelong ambition Jimmy: There you go then Jimmy: owt to please you I said Janis: is it the next day already 💕 Jimmy: If you want Janis: sounds like some good ole fashioned fake shit, is all Janis: but fair, can't hear over the 📢 coming at me rn Jimmy: You know me and habits Janis: honestly Janis: can't let it go eh Jimmy: wouldn't wanna scare you, easy done that Janis: 🖕 Janis: not that dependent on it, funnily enough Jimmy: 👌 Janis: the fans, that's another story of 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: let 'em down gently, babe Jimmy: what kind of bad boy Janis: the fake kind Jimmy: 🤞 the cancer risk is an' all Janis: should be vaping soft lad Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I know that's what you really want from me, babe Jimmy: but you'll have to find a lad who likes you enough to look that much of a twat Janis: then you don't know what I really want from you Jimmy: You gonna change your mind in a bit? Janis: if you're asking if I'll want a 🚬 after, don't be tight Janis: can spare me one Jimmy: Don't be a dickhead, whenever you've asked you've had Janis: and they say romance is dead Janis: not met you Jimmy: Tweet it tomorrow, like Janis: thought we'd started Janis: overachiever Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'owt to please you I said' you kicking us off Jimmy: Nah, it'd be fake if I said I didn't wanna when you know I do Janis: how long is your lunch and when Jimmy: I dunno when but I know it ain't long enough Janis: is that a humblebrag or actual though Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: 😒 Jimmy: What? Janis: not at you Janis: just the rest Janis: gonna go on a long fucking run Janis: nice knowing you if I end up in a different town, start again Jimmy: Alright Janis: got to wait for everyone else to fuck off Janis: ridiculous Jimmy: Swap places with me then Janis: alright Janis: get me a nametag, like Jimmy: Which one do you want on it? Janis: surprise me Janis: I'm method Jimmy: Yeah, love a surprise you Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: what you talking about Jimmy: 😏 Janis: don't 😏 at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I don't know but don't be mean Janis: won't come and see you Janis: 💔 that Jimmy: you Jimmy: that's meaner than owt I've said Janis: I know Janis: don't play around, me Jimmy: 😭😭 me Janis: baby Jimmy: How drunk am I? Janis: if anyone asks, we ain't Janis: but probably a fair bit Janis: beer pong champ Jimmy: easy to get 🥇 when you ain't playing, pisshead Janis: dangerously close to a compliment Jimmy: Take it Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: should've just stayed on the stairs Janis: that's what we shoulda done Jimmy: We'd have been interrupted quicker doing what we were if we had Janis: probably Janis: don't reckon any of the party-goers would be as committed to the cockblock though Jimmy: Bit late to test your theory now Jimmy: have to be next time Janis: promise Jimmy: Do you or do I? Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: you Janis: that there's gonna be a next time Janis: proper one, real Jimmy: Come on Janis: say it Janis: wanna hear it Janis: and have it in writing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: have that in writing Janis: what you pussying out for Jimmy: I already said I don't want you in and out on my lunch break Janis: fine Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: ain't forcing you to say nothing Janis: i don't care if you know i want you though, so have it Jimmy: Tonight you don't Janis: what Jimmy: You heard Janis: yeah and that's bollocks Janis: i'm not saying i'm in love with you or any of that fake shit, i'm saying i wanna fuck you Janis: have for ages so Jimmy: and I'm saying don't take the piss out of me 'cause I don't immediately say owt that I ain't been allowed to before now Janis: um i weren't Jimmy: Whatever Janis: i fucking weren't Janis: god forget it Jimmy: like that's easy an' all Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: so Janis: whatever it is, I'm sure I know Jimmy: 'Course you do Jimmy: know everything you Janis: yep Janis: that too Jimmy: Biggest fucking head in all of Dublin Janis: tell me it's unwarranted Jimmy: You make me feel like a massive idiot, that's what I'm telling you Janis: not what i set out to do Janis: and don't think you are, for the record but what do you want Jimmy: What do you want? Jimmy: nowt I say or don't is working for you Janis: I don't know, alright Jimmy: Dangerously close to the truth so probably not alright, is it? Janis: like you do Janis: now who's taking the piss Jimmy: Like I don't know what? What I want? Jimmy: that is a pisstake yeah Janis: well how would I know Janis: don't say shit Jimmy: 1. you do know Jimmy: 2. yeah I do Janis: whatever Jimmy: I'm not good with words that don't mean I'm not saying owt to you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: alright let's just Janis: it's been a long weird night Janis: we can leave it Jimmy: So now you want me to shut up? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I didn't say that, dickhead Janis: like I said, not trying to force you to say anything, that's not what I'm about Jimmy: I'm not thick, I know what leave it out means Janis: Jesus Janis: I'm trying to be nice for once Jimmy: Clearly not gonna work, that Janis: 👍 Janis: thanks Jimmy: Save it, better at faking that bit you Janis: fuck you then Jimmy: not unless your 2nd attempt at kicking a car is better than the 1st Janis: ha Janis: don't count on it Jimmy: I obviously can't Jimmy: but I were well aware you can't do owt right the first time so don't worry Janis: at least I get there in the end Janis: you did fuck all, as per Jimmy: Get where? Jimmy: you're nowhere same as I am Janis: not for long Jimmy: Impressive Janis: don't care what you reckon Jimmy: Make up your mind Janis: never have Jimmy: I know, you don't have any idea what you want, you said Janis: don't flatter yourself Janis: that's only about you and you don't feature in the big picture do you Jimmy: Why would I bother? Plenty of other dickheads to flatter me, including you earlier Janis: so? Janis: why do you reckon I'm gonna be embarrassed Jimmy: Why do you care what I reckon even as you're saying you don't? Janis: because it's worth a laugh Janis: it's just sex, plenty of people want you, plenty want me, who cares Jimmy: My entire reason for doing this is that I care about how wants me and doesn't Jimmy: who* Jimmy: and you'd throw me to them if you didn't Jimmy: So stop talking bollocks Janis: it ain't Janis: it's not that simple Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: You either give a shit or you don't Jimmy: and you either want me or you don't Jimmy: sort it out Jimmy: and when you have just say it Janis: I said I do want you Janis: I literally said it and you rejected it outta hand Janis: just because I was trying to say how much of a headfuck it is because what's real and what's fake and what parts are both Jimmy: You also said that after you've had a go I can basically fucking vanish 'cause who cares Jimmy: loads of others Janis: I didn't say it like that Janis: or mean it like Janis: it's just weird alright Jimmy: You're weird Jimmy: I don't get you Janis: no kidding Janis: what would you rather, I was like them Jimmy: #obvs Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's the point in pretending Jimmy: Depends Janis: to get dickheads to leave you alone aside #obvs Jimmy: How shit is it gonna be to break the habit? Janis: shit Janis: nothing to say we can't stick at it 'til you're old news Jimmy: isn't there? Jimmy: I reckon owt's been said and done Janis: then it won't be hard to break the habit if that's what you think Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Fuck pretending then Janis: fuck pretending Jimmy: Don't be scared of me Jimmy: you can say or do owt you want Janis: why do you think I'm scared Janis: of you or anything Jimmy: because Janis: what, because I'm angry all the time Jimmy: because recognition Jimmy: I am, I know you are Janis: why are you scared Jimmy: Why is the why important? Janis: Deflection's easier, yeah Jimmy: 💔 then Janis: well you don't need to worry about that Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: in general, yeah Janis: but not with me Jimmy: You think you're never gonna hurt me? Jimmy: wearing enough bruises for you already, aren't I? Janis: that weren't me, don't count Jimmy: cheat Janis: nah Janis: just saying, not my sport Janis: 💔 Janis: got no interested in breaking yours Jimmy: flattered, like Jimmy: but that's what every lass says Janis: so Janis: not every girl is me, been discussed Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: not like I know you, been discussed an all Janis: up to you if you wanna find out then Janis: but the idea you think I've got the time or energy to dedicate to that is insulting Jimmy: I get it, I ain't special, no need to go on about it Jimmy: heard you at bigger picture Janis: nothing personal Janis: no one is Jimmy: nowt is with you Jimmy: but you don't reckon I should be on my guard Jimmy: very suspect that Janis: you worried about being collateral, duck Janis: just saying, not gonna make it my life's mission to fuck you up Jimmy: and I'm saying you want me to tell you things, put myself out there when it don't mean owt to you Jimmy: how's that fair Janis: I never asked you to bare your soul to me Janis: I asked you to say you wanted to fuck me as well Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: I did say that Jimmy: if that were all you wanted to hear you wouldn't call owt a headfuck Janis: I know you're vague on purpose Janis: that's why I asked you to say it, so it couldn't be taken back and said it was never said Janis: that's the headfuck Janis: all the previous shit can be wrote off as fake and neither of us can argue otherwise even if we wanna Jimmy: But if it's just sex which means fuck all to you or to me then why do you care what I say or don't after? Jimmy: that's why I don't get you Janis: same reason we started this Janis: everyone gets to talk shit on me Janis: not having it taken as gospel 'cos you put your dick inside me thanks Jimmy: I weren't about to screenshot and tweet out this convo once I did Janis: you're the only one that can be on his guard Janis: nah Jimmy: I'm the only fucker admitting that I am Jimmy: If you reckon I'm like that, like them, why would you even wanna do any of it? Janis: never said I reckoned that Jimmy: You think I'm gonna talk shit about you Janis: you could Janis: do it to my face plenty so why wouldn't you Jimmy: because I do it to your face Jimmy: go no reason to go anywhere else with it Janis: flattered, like Jimmy: just Janis: there's no way to guarantee any of this shit so we may as well agree to trust Janis: or not trust Janis: either or Jimmy: been worked out that we don't Janis: then it's settled Jimmy: is it? Janis: like I said, what we gonna do Janis: make a blood oath Jimmy: left my dagger up north, soz Jules Janis: then it definitely is Janis: letdown Jimmy: I'll delete my profiles then Jimmy: avoid you til school starts Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: Oh alright, what kind of fake break up do you want? Janis: have you been listening Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Have you? Janis: shut up, that's literally so far from the point of anything we were just talking about Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: go to hell Janis: seriously Jimmy: Tah for the holiday recommendation but the CG's only place I'm off to for a bit Jimmy: close but no 🚬 Janis: good, I hope you suffer Jimmy: 🤞 and 🙏 Janis: no need, you miserable prick Jimmy: not totally clueless then Janis: you wish Jimmy: I do wish you would catch onto a few, yeah Janis: heard you at avoid you til school starts, don't worry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're an absolute cunt Janis: why would you get me to say it again just to Jimmy: Go on Janis: and all that bullshit about being scared about getting hurt too Janis: what the fuck Jimmy: Yeah, all of this is utter bollocks Jimmy: what the fuck is right though Jimmy: what the fuck else do you expect me to do? Janis: how the fuck do you take me REPEATEDLY telling you that I want you as 'I'm going to ignore you from now on, bye' Janis: literally are we having the same conversation Jimmy: How can you think telling me repeatedly what a low fucking opinion of me you've got of me is gonna put me in a 😍 mood? Jimmy: Or that this is a good idea when we don't trust each other Janis: where Jimmy: You want this to mean nowt and now there's nowt to worry about Janis: I never said I have a low opinion of you Janis: and you don't give a shit about what I want so don't even pretend for the bit Jimmy: how do you take me REPEATEDLY asking you what you want as not caring about the answer? Janis: when you do the opposite Janis: how else can I take that Jimmy: like I said, what else can I do? Janis: not what I want, apparently Janis: alright Jimmy: I really fucking like you, alright Janis: we don't even know each other, how many times have you said that Jimmy: not enough obviously Jimmy: if it didn't make any difference Janis: but Janis: why Jimmy: Why are you asking me like its my fault? Janis: not fault but I do everything Janis: did everything so this doesn't happen Jimmy: It might be fake Jimmy: a headfuck like you said Jimmy: everything just Janis: you think so Janis: yeah you liked fake me Janis: you don't like me, you say it all the time Jimmy: that'd make more sense Jimmy: but tonight was real and I liked that too Janis: this is a mess Janis: i am Janis: you shouldn't get involved just 'cos I wanna Jimmy: but it weren't one sided Jimmy: everything we did earlier I wanted to do it Jimmy: and everything we still haven't Janis: it'd be easier if we hated each other Janis: its okay if I like you but you shouldn't like me Jimmy: just do me a favour alright Janis: what Jimmy: keep being real with me so I can work it out Janis: i don't want to hurt you Janis: i don't know or care how i put it before but i don't Jimmy: I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: might be that tonight's a fluke, I'm drunk and you're fit, not gonna not be into it Jimmy: you Janis: alright Janis: then it's a deal Jimmy: What? Janis: I'll keep being real Janis: like you asked Jimmy: Promise Janis: promise Jimmy: Alright, I swear I'm sorry Janis: what for Janis: not saying there's so much you gotta be specific but Jimmy: Making this weird Jimmy: weirder Janis: weren't one-sided either Janis: it's what it is Jimmy: Will you still Janis: come see you? Jimmy: Do you still wanna? Janis: yeah Jimmy: Okay Janis: besides, someone needs to make sure you don't die on the job Janis: bring you some caffeine that doesn't taste like shit Jimmy: and deny Ian the pleasure of doing me in? What kind of son would I be Janis: so your dads a real dick yeah Jimmy: you were warned Janis: we need to pimp out your shed so you got a place to sleep Janis: I was thinking Jimmy: the trampoline's alright, like you said Jimmy: can't remember how you did but you liked it Janis: when it's warm-ish out, yeah Janis: was comfy Janis: you or that dog woke me up though Jimmy: It's always warm out compared to Manchester Jimmy: why I need my 😎 Jimmy: and everything is always the 🐕 never me Janis: take your word for it on both of those Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I get why you reckon it'd be easier for us to hate each other but I hate Ian and nowt is for it Janis: yeah Janis: you're right Janis: there's nothing easy about hate it's just Janis: more familiar, idk Jimmy: the 💔 is different Janis: right Janis: if you already hate them, then it's not as shit, yeah Jimmy: At least you don't love me, it's even shitter when it's both together Janis: yeah Janis: headfuck doesn't begin to cover it Jimmy: @ my mum if she still used her profiles Janis: you don't know? Jimmy: She ain't logged in for years, why do you reckon I'm so tempted Janis: can't blame her Jimmy: who could compete with Iantaylor8 for online presence Jimmy: other than us Janis: well exactly Janis: also be a bit rude to deny the world your face Jimmy: yours Jimmy: so I'll keep my 📷 one Jimmy: maybe Janis: as long as you don't avoid me too Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: then don't Janis: I don't want you to either Jimmy: tell me again tomorrow Jimmy: when I'm less Janis: gotcha Jimmy: it just hurts more now Janis: i'm sorry Janis: do you want me to come? i don't have to Jimmy: you didn't do this Janis: what do you need, let's start there Jimmy: Now? Janis: yeah, now Jimmy: Tomorrow Jimmy: it needs to be tomorrow so I can see you Janis: baby Janis: you can see me today, it's alright Janis: I'll help you at work, it'll all be good Jimmy: I'm not letting you serve lattes to any of those dickheads Jimmy: you're too good Janis: shh Janis: i wanna help you somehow, i've gotta Jimmy: Do you wanna just 💀💀💀 them? Jimmy: me and you Janis: killing spree then a death pact is a solid chain of events but probably want to start in a better state, don't we Janis: 💪🥇 Jimmy: can be an utterly new pact if there's enough poison to go round Jimmy: you don't have to die at the end Janis: what about you? Jimmy: Did you forget? 👻 Jimmy: already am Janis: how could I Janis: is your manager actually in today? what if we contact that Pete kid see if he'll cover for you Janis: you should get some proper sleep, in an actual bed Janis: I can persuade him Jimmy: OMG you wanna use me to slide into his DMs Janis: boy, focus Janis: not really the sexiest approach, please do some overtime for my boyfriend Jimmy: 👀 on your 😍 girl Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: you gonna answer any of that or Jimmy: I don't know if my manager is supposed to be in Jimmy: probably won't be either way though Jimmy: Oh the money, power and the glory Janis: you can but dream, yeah Janis: well it's up to you then Janis: but it'd probably be worse if you were in and in this state so what he don't know Janis: can't get you sacked Jimmy: I don't have any other place to go though, do I Janis: won't he be at work by now himself? Janis: can come back to mine if not, no funny business Jimmy: he's not the one I care about Janis: your brother and sister? Jimmy: I'm not gonna wake her up to let me in Jimmy: or let him see me like Janis: right, okay Janis: we'll sort you out first Jimmy: Didn't reckon all that fake nursing training you had would really come in handy, eh? Jimmy: can't help being goals Janis: bit of an extreme length to go to for some TLC but I'll allow it Janis: I'm on my way now so just hold on, yeah Jimmy: I mean, it's fairly standard for me but alright Janis: how you pull all the birds is it Jimmy: Babe, I'm just SUCH a lad, yeah? Jimmy: get drunk, have a scrap, nick my dad's scotch and get MORE drunk Jimmy: all in a day's work Janis: gotta be done Janis: I get it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: fit right in on this bus Jimmy: don't get 💀💀💀 after we've changed the story in favour of your survival Jimmy: bit rude Janis: try my best Janis: don't victim blame me Janis: please and thanks Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: blaming you for nowt Jimmy: 😂 bit soon? Janis: hmm, don't get cheeky, like Janis: just 'cos you're a patient today Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: just a bit then Janis: trying to be nice Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: I won't be cheeky enough that you kick me out of bed Janis: you're always nice, babe Janis: little ray of sunshine Jimmy: anyone can be nice Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🌩🌪 Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: You know when you're a kid and you count Jimmy: that's what it's like waiting to see you Janis: you're gonna make me Janis: forget to be professional Jimmy: not on the clock til you get here, it's alright Janis: I'm mostly worried about when I do get there, like Janis: not that I'm about to give the bus a show Jimmy: don't worry I'll take care of you too Jimmy: we're a team Janis: yeah, we are Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're alright, you know Janis: you know I think you're alright Jimmy: I will be when you show up Janis: such a smoothtalker, honestly Jimmy: I know you didn't think all that were fake Jimmy: come on Janis: there's only so far you can get with no inspiration, yeah Jimmy: good thing you're 🎨 or we'd have been exposed as frauds ages ago Janis: we're a pretty good team, all things considered Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: yep Janis: shame you can't put relationships on CVs Jimmy: I can't pay you owt either 💔 Janis: don't need it Janis: or want it, like Jimmy: but decent headshots could get you a modelling job 📷 not 🎯 Jimmy: I could do that Janis: then we could both go Janis: no 💀 Jimmy: might work Janis: start of a plan Janis: we have such a good track record, like Jimmy: 💀👑 would 💀🤯 Jimmy: ⚰🎊🍾 Janis: just when she thought she couldn't be any more jealous Jimmy: I can give motivational speeches as my 2nd job too cause I felt it with every emoji Janis: very empowering, babe 💕 Jimmy: onto something Janis: reckon so Janis: just don't bang EVERY model you shoot Janis: get well shaming Jimmy: They'd have to all be as fit as you Janis: practically in the job description Janis: unless they're the 'unique' kind Jimmy: there's loads in mine I don't do Janis: 😱 employee of the month Janis: shh Jimmy: you'd vote for Pete anyway Janis: don't think they follow democratic process Janis: and how dare you, Jamie is the backbone of that place Jimmy: still Jimmy: you would Janis: nah Janis: you deffo would though Jimmy: I'd vote for myself Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: #selflove Janis: can respect it, boy Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 1. how much scotch did you drink Janis: 2. did you text your ex anything you should delete before you sober up Jimmy: if you're asking if there's any left for you 💔 I fucked up Jimmy: as for Hayley, she's been told to fuck off by half the north, she'll live Janis: could be worse then Janis: not for me, obvs Janis: but same Jimmy: I don't wanna get back with her, you know that, right? Janis: not my business either way Jimmy: Alright but do you have to say it like that? Janis: how do you want me to say it Jimmy: if its how you feel then Janis: look Janis: I'm glad I don't have to share your attention right now Janis: 'course I am but I don't need to sound possessive about it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is it Jimmy: Before, you said Jimmy: maybe I can't remember it right though Janis: no go on Janis: it's cool Jimmy: I dunno, I just Jimmy: reckoned you needed to hear that Janis: I did think maybe Janis: just some things you'd said too but it's Janis: you know Jimmy: you go on Janis: well like I said, not my business if you were Janis: but yeah, I thought you were Janis: I'd get it Jimmy: I wouldn't get it Jimmy: I trusted her and she Jimmy: It don't even matter anymore Jimmy: I made a mistake doing that and she made hers Janis: it's okay, you don't owe me an explanation Janis: I don't know her or your situation Janis: I just thought, from my limited perspective, you hate it here, it'd be a link to home, even if it was a bad one, like Jimmy: I hated it there an' all Jimmy: just 'cause I didn't ask and weren't asked to come here don't mean I wanna go back Janis: oh Janis: well that I get Jimmy: you had it right when you called me a miserable prick or whatever it were Janis: bit harsh though Janis: shit's shit Janis: you'd be an idiot if you didn't see it Jimmy: 🌧☔ me Jimmy: I'm alright with it by now Janis: yeah? Janis: that's something then Jimmy: everything's shit everywhere Jimmy: nowt gonna change next place he drags us Janis: wherever you go, there you are Jimmy: might get a new mum, might not Jimmy: might hear from my actual, might not Janis: she don't even call Jimmy: and say what? Janis: fucked Jimmy: they both were Jimmy: are Jimmy: and so are us kids Jimmy: ⚪ Janis: yep Janis: get out early as you can Janis: and don't have kids yourself Janis: only poem I've read that's any use Jimmy: 💔 that age 6 is probably pushing it a bit Janis: give it a few more years of shit and you can get away with it Jimmy: I'll start him on the poem anyway Janis: Larkin's dead easy Janis: debatable how appropriate but I'd go for very so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: so we're going back to mine first Janis: or what Jimmy: You made this plan Janis: you gonna comply Jimmy: Depends Janis: that's what I was 🙀 of Janis: go on Jimmy: my 🙀💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: What's your house like? Janis: old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere Janis: perfect place for the local nutters to reside Jimmy: well now I'M 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you should be Janis: nah, you'll be able to get a decent kip, they're all doing their own shit and giving me disapproving looks if they know what's good for 'em Jimmy: Alright, protect me then Janis: always, babe Jimmy: I'm being dead serious Janis: 1. what makes you think I ain't Janis: 2. why Jimmy: just Janis: we can sneak in Janis: well, we can try but I don't know how well you'll do, pisshead Jimmy: Shut up 🏆💪 Janis: happy to be proved wrong Janis: it'll all be good though, promise Jimmy: stay close to me and you can every step Janis: I won't leave you on your own Jimmy: because you wanna stay or because you reckon I'll 🤢 and choke to 💀💀💀 Janis: you've made it this far without me, I'm not that bigheaded Janis: believe that or not Janis: I wanna stay Jimmy: even if I wanna die I wouldn't give Mia owt close to any satisfaction so that ain't the way for me to go Janis: hot Janis: keeping it petty, even in 💀💀💀 Jimmy: remind me to send it as a tweet tomorrow or something Janis: 'course Janis: that relatable suicidal/horny vibe, they get it Jimmy: #ultimategoals Janis: I think so Jimmy: I think no # would ever do you justice Jimmy: a voice memo is pushing it even with this top accent Janis: that laugh one you sent me was cute Jimmy: you do make me 😂 girl Janis: I know Janis: got the evidence for all time now 💕 Jimmy: keep it Jimmy: I'll be back as a 👻 fucking up all your electronics baby Janis: dunno what you got against 🍆s Jimmy: if they're not in you then nowt Janis: 😂 Janis: new levels of jealousy that Jimmy: is it? Janis: new to me Jimmy: Soz then Janis: don't Janis: don't need to be, like Jimmy: but if it's weird Jimmy: or too like Janis: it ain't Janis: its Janis: it ain't Janis: I wanna hear it all Janis: don't hold back okay Jimmy: You wanna hear what bits you do then you want me to shut up is what you mean Janis: would've said it if that's what I meant Janis: just 'cos I don't know what to say don't mean you can't say it if you wanna Jimmy: it's what everyone means, nowt personal Janis: you're just so chatty, like Jimmy: You just bring it out in me Janis: 'course Jimmy: so inspiring Jimmy: have to write you a poem now I know you're such a fan Janis: 😂 Janis: go on, he was always drunk Janis: will be a masterpiece Jimmy: Alright, shut up and let us crack on Janis: such a 🎨 temperament Janis: 🤐 alright Jimmy: [a selfie of his adorably drunk concentration face like 🤔 with a pen in his mouth and everything] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: shhh Jimmy: OMG Janis: your fault Jimmy: Girl if you don't 🤐🤐🤐 Janis: or what, boy Jimmy: You'll show up and I'll show you Janis: mhmm 😏 Janis: reckon you've got like 5-10 so write fast Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nearly done Janis: dread to think Jimmy: Oi🥇 muse and top content Jimmy: so rude Janis: just a sext that rhymes, yeah? Jimmy: You ain't having it now Jimmy: gonna 🔥 it dramatically in this bin Janis: let's not play with fire tah Janis: and don't be mean Jimmy: you Janis: I'm joking Janis: I'm sure it's 🔥 Jimmy: [a poem that I don't have the talent to actually write soz lads] Janis: it actually is Janis: how did you do that Jimmy: I told you got a 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 muse in you Jimmy: keep up with what I'm saying, Janet Janis: but really Jimmy: What? Janis: you're good, that's all Jimmy: Baby Janis: I mean it, like Janis: no bullshit Janis: english teacher must love you Jimmy: she don't Jimmy: too much 🎨 in my margins Janis: can't be tamed Janis: maverick Jimmy: rebel with just that one cause still Janis: 'course baby Jimmy: if you ain't wearing your pjs why would you even be here, like Janis: you can see 'em when we get back Janis: sure you've missed them Jimmy: gonna make me 😭😭 Janis: emotional drunk Janis: it's alright, won't tell Jimmy: emotional support PJs Janis: 😂 don't get to be a funny one and all Jimmy: can do it all me Janis: 😍 Janis: just need to sleep, alright Jimmy: you wanna 🥊 or 💋? Jimmy: working through the list Janis: you know we can't do either yeah Janis: not drunk as you now Janis: nothing if not fair, me Jimmy: can fix that for you Jimmy: unless your parents are teetotal or something Jimmy: even then can't live that in the middle of nowt, can you Janis: lol you have no idea Janis: wait and see Janis: and we're fixing you, not feeding my addiction Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I know, how d'ya think I feel Janis: things I do for you Jimmy: I'll owe you though, you love that Janis: that's you but good to even the score Janis: can't lie Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: is that a subtle way to say I need to hurry or Jimmy: working through a list, I said Jimmy: gotta use the bin for something since you said no fires Janis: so demanding Janis: almost like I don't want you getting more burns Jimmy: that Freddy Krueger #aesthetic though 😍 Jimmy: love a stripy jumper me Jimmy: very slimming 💀👑 will double tap my OOTD faster than you can say no cheese Janis: you are technically a nonce so Janis: the fedora fits Jimmy: 😂 Janis: where are you then Jimmy: where am I Jimmy: good question that Janis: full of 'em, me Janis: gimme a clue Jimmy: 🍀 Janis: oh good, you ain't fled the country Janis: wouldn't be very good for my rep, that Jimmy: Looking for a bus has gotta be easier than looking for the one lad Jimmy: hang on Janis: how blurry are your 👀 Jimmy: I'll take my 😎 off, babe Jimmy: for you Janis: scandalous Janis: behave you Jimmy: #nudes Jimmy: 👀 Janis: dunno if I'll recognize you even Jimmy: 😱😱😱💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: supposed to know me anywhere you Jimmy: the films have fucking lied Janis: shit fake gf me Janis: always said it Jimmy: If you want a tea you'll have to wait til we get back Jimmy: or fake it of course Janis: wanna have a tea party Jimmy: Depends Janis: guest list? Jimmy: So who else is invited? Janis: only the best 🧸s in town Jimmy: Forget that twat 🧸 your sister hangs out with then Janis: 😂 Janis: deffo Jimmy: I dont want owt to do with him Jimmy: no trust there, like Janis: unless he makes his own way Janis: ain't risking that bear cave to bring him Jimmy: if he is owt like her Jimmy: 🥇 at turning up where she ain't wanted Janis: telling me Janis: 🤞 he's like his father Jimmy: yeah, your birth being one Jimmy: well awkward Janis: so rude, honestly Janis: fuming in that womb I was Jimmy: Well done on taking the spotlight every day since, mate Janis: 🤷 Janis: someone's gotta Janis: she'd melt Jimmy: the kind of commitment I need Jimmy: and you need on your CV Janis: always banking them transferrable skills Jimmy: might be the hottest thing you've ever said Jimmy: dunno but it's up there Janis: you're a lucky boy Janis: everyone knows Jimmy: fake 💍 ASAP then Janis: have to find me first Jimmy: Stop distracting me Jimmy: or be distracting IRL Janis: [find this boy lmao] Jimmy: [just like oh hey cos how far away can he really be] Janis: [exactly, when you've gotta wait for a bus straight back, go to a different cafe and get some breakfast kids] Jimmy: [state of him he needs it lbr] Janis: [just steering him like] Jimmy: [nice parallel to when he had to when she hurt herself on that trip lol] Janis: [just silently fuming at Ian's handiwork blatantly, actually getting a pot of tea too 'cos why not] Jimmy: [tea improves any situation okay bye] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [are they sitting next to each other or opposite? Real questions] Janis: [hmm, probably opposite on a lil 2 seater moment] Jimmy: [eye contact ftw] Janis: [plenty of time for snuggling later, oh the casual tension you're having to put aside rn girl, it fine lmao] Jimmy: [so soz Janis but actually no Im not haha] Janis: ['better?'] Jimmy: ['if things between us are' you know hes drunk when he answers a question] Janis: [nods but looks away like so casual 'course'] Jimmy: [when you're just trying to do something to make her look at you again but you end up just gently holding her face and looking into her eyes for 9 years] Janis: [bit deer in the headlights but allowing it still] Jimmy: [nods genuinely like okay I believe you as if she hasnt just come all this way to find you and take care of you bitch] Janis: [licks his hand like get off but also kisses it 'dope'] Jimmy: ['stop giving me such weird compliments'] Janis: ['stop taking insults as compliments, slag' 😏] Jimmy: [throws a sugar packet at her like how sweet] Janis: [puts it in his tea like energy] Jimmy: ['Oi, sweet enough me' but puts another one in anyway] Janis: 🍬🍨🍧🍭🍰 Janis: you Jimmy: Tah Janis: any time Jimmy: 🤞 won't be any time soon Janis: ['try your best' shrugs 'like you said, ain't your fault though'] Jimmy: My fault he ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: I'll come through with the ☢️⚠️☣️ Jimmy: only so many times I can say tah before it's weird, you know Janis: won't tell if you forget your manners Jimmy: 😏 you'd like it is why Janis: shh Janis: return the favour Jimmy: not gonna say owt to anyone Jimmy: mute, remember Janis: can be as loud as you wanna, remember Jimmy: that middle of nowhere, is it? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: told you Janis: no one can hear you 😱 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: very shy me Janis: yeah, noticed Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [playfully nudges her but nearly knocks the precious tea everywhere cos drunkard] Janis: ['careful!'] Janis: I ain't got an apron and you can't be out yours yet Jimmy: [throws a napkin at her like sorted] Janis: [😑] Jimmy: sure you don't wanna 🥊, babe? Janis: stop being tempting Jimmy: never 💕 Janis: what am I gonna do with you, like Jimmy: What do you wanna do with me? Janis: [a LOOK 😳] Jimmy: [obviously giving her one back but shamelessly] Janis: [putting your finger to his mouth like he speaking] Jimmy: [you know they gotta go in his mouth in a saucy manner now girl he got no chill and cant be stopped] Janis: we're in public Jimmy: You're my girlfriend in public Janis: you see anyone else doing Janis: that Jimmy: if they were going out with you, I would see it, yeah Janis: you're wasted Jimmy: and what? Janis: don't write cheques you can't cash Jimmy: it's won't not can't Jimmy: and that's only 'cause you said Janis: yeah okay Janis: but that's the right thing to do Janis: even if I don't wanna Jimmy: If it feels right to you then Janis: you know it is Janis: or you'll know later Jimmy: Later I'll be 😴💤 I won't know nowt Janis: that's the plan Janis: come find me after that, yeah? Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: nowhere Jimmy: might actually be able to find you then Janis: 🤞 Janis: believe in ya Janis: ['finish up' 'cos bus has to come eventually] Jimmy: [when you just give her a look like do you though? before necking that tea honey] Janis: [gathering their shit and holding the door open for him like come on boy] Jimmy: ['so romantic you' as he goes through the door like] Janis: [does a bow] Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [takes her hand because if you cant handhold when you need to be kept upright when can you] Janis: ['least you'll definitely get a seat' 'cos can't be wobbling about the bus lmao] Jimmy: ['A northern 45 is a 95 anywhere else, only gotta spread the word a bit'] Janis: ['you're doing a great job with the psa, mate'] Jimmy: [IRL 👍] Janis: [sitting him down and she should have to stand busy bus vibe] Jimmy: [trying to move up as if she can share this seat with you like that unthinkingly but she not #smol] Janis: tah Jimmy: [shrugs] Janis: considerate forever Jimmy: [gesturing that she can sit on you because not like she hasnt before and its all so casual lol lol lol] Janis: [a look like are you sure? also excuse them the like old lady he's probably next to heheheh] Jimmy: [a look like do you wanna stand for 13 years I dont think so] Janis: [shrugs and hops on] Jimmy: [wrapping his arms around her like a seatbelt even though shes not gonna fall off and we know you just are doing a little hug moment boy] Janis: [so soft] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [a moment even if you're dying slightly] Jimmy: [just really leaning his head on her so casually here too nbd] Janis: [stroking his hair and sneaky checking the bruises and stuff] Jimmy: [he started it but its too soft and hes dying like] Janis: at least you look cool Janis: [is sad face tho] Jimmy: [makes her sad face a smiley face by smushing it] Janis: [lols 'excuse me'] Jimmy: helping you look if not 😎 then 😊 Janis: you're sweet Jimmy: you not gonna do the emojis this time? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: baby Jimmy: [😍 in this close a proximity, not a good idea boy, but here we are] Janis: you're just very Janis: distracting Janis: [so much eye contact] Jimmy: [when you say 'you' out loud so you don't have to break it by looking down at your phone to type] Janis: [annnnnd hold, just internally debating if you can kiss him or not morally] Jimmy: [we all know he would be leaning in to kiss her and then would so] Janis: [go with it girl, it's okay] Jimmy: [don't mind them bus peeps they just gotta have a moment] Janis: [lmao the tutting they don't even notice rn] Jimmy: [deal with it slags they are in love] Janis: [the level of restraint you need to keep it just at a makeout moment tbh, the old lady should need to get off like ahem lol] Jimmy: [honestly its been SUCH a night and they are gonna be on this bus for ages yet gdi, off you go 👵] Janis: [least they've got two seats now, spread out] Jimmy: [but never that much you clingy bitches #same] Janis: [lbr would've taken you longer than necessary to get off his lap] Jimmy: [a mood] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [has to kiss her again obvs because they stop when they want not when a 👵 says so] Janis: [which is lowkey never but it's fine, long bus journey] Jimmy: [at least you can take advantage of having slightly more space to basically swap over so he's all but on top of her now instead, the tuts would be LOUD haha] Janis: [just being like 'don't get too comfy' 😏 between kisses] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK because unrepentant af about any of this soz passengers] Janis: [when you have to be the one with some control lmao good luck] Jimmy: [at least theres plenty of other people on this bus to tell you to get some LOL] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 👀🔪🔪🔪 Janis: 👴👵🚨👮⛓ Jimmy: 👵💔👴 Jimmy: so jealous them Jimmy: 👮🚔 will be an all Janis: yeah you're pretty cute Jimmy: you Janis: you wanna 🥊 so bad Jimmy: not what I most want but alright Janis: really Janis: maybe you should be clearer Jimmy: [more kisses that are more extra, look away people] Janis: I get it Jimmy: You sure? Janis: ['You know you wanna' and a LOOK] Jimmy: [forever returning those looks bitch and you can have some lovebites too girl cos its been a minute for you] Janis: [into it] Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [just taking photos of said bruises like it's a force of habit but you just wanna] Jimmy: [thats fine because gives him an excuse to take 📷 of her too which he always just wants to] Janis: you gonna be my personal photographer Janis: when I'm mega famous Jimmy: Do you still want me to follow you about then? Janis: Do you? Janis: [are you him like] Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: Paris, Milan, Tokyo Janis: list is endless Jimmy: Alright Janis: alright Janis: sorted Jimmy: til I get lost Jimmy: at least you know how to take a decent selfie, babe Janis: have to put a tracker on you Janis: not a crazy gf, for his safety purely Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [just looking into those 😍 with your own] Janis: [😳] Jimmy: [kissing her on each cheek really soft like hes practising for europe but we know its for the 😳] Janis: ['stop' but soft] Jimmy: [does but doesnt move far enough away so still up in her grill like] Janis: [just pushing his head down, gently lol, like go to sleep] Jimmy: [pouty face] Janis: [squishing his face for revenge] Jimmy: [like oi because standard but snuggling into her] Janis: ['promise I'll wake you up'] Jimmy: ['no challenge too hard going for you, I get it' sleepy voiced] Janis: ['flexes the arm he ain't on] Jimmy: [a genuine smile] Janis: [have a snooze boy we'll skipperoo] Jimmy: [take some deep breaths Janis theres so much more to come babe] Janis: [roll up on the cali gaff lads] Jimmy: [that wont be awks at all now that its whatever o clock in the morning] Janis: [when one of them probably stayed home to watch her so she already snuck out to get him, on the shit list big time rn] Jimmy: [I hope whichever parent it is aint doing yoga on the lawn rn] Janis: [lmao now is not the time lads, not sneaking though 'cos fuck you fam is the mood evidently] Jimmy: [it really isnt because it should probably be Ali to show how seriously they are taking the driving escapade so him thinking her mum is fit is really not the mood] Jimmy: [also take a moment to really appreciate HOW MANY cats he would think he was half asleep still cos wtf] Janis: [i vibe] Janis: [when you're so embarrassed by your fam/house/everything tbh like get in my room quick thanks] Jimmy: [at least he wont really fully register it cos actually is sleepy so she can just hustle him through speedily] Janis: [just moving her shit out the way so he can get in] Jimmy: [I cant even think what her room would look like either dont start me] Jimmy: [so much like her nan bye] Janis: [like it was once nice 'cos can afford nice shit but is now wrecked/she's never in there now so any posters would be dated as hell] Jimmy: [I feel like hes gotta notice that even though hes not gonna say anything] Jimmy: [file that away in your head boy] Janis: [for another time, also have a nice tuck-in moment for the throwback] Jimmy: [yaaas! what size is her bed?] Janis: [defs a double 'cos she doesn't have loads of other shit she needs so she can] Jimmy: [good thinking you aint gonna have a homework desk are you babe] Janis: [and the attic is already more sizeable anyway soz lads, like they all could, but for example we said grace don't 'cos she wants her youtube background moment so then there is no room] Jimmy: [and Grace never brings lads home cos she would rather die so priorities] Janis: [surprised she brings her friends tbh, Mia like we coming bitch] Jimmy: [she wouldnt want them there but yeah Mia inviting herself from day 1] Janis: [getting all the tea the snek] Jimmy: [I hate her so much because we all know bitches like that] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [anything I need to know about that Janis is gonna do while hes just sleeping and snuggling?] Janis: [she'd probably do some homework 'cos promised she wouldn't leave obvs, work out 'cos all the tension today but that's only next room and also snuggle] Jimmy: [I was gonna say, use that gym honey its been a DAY for you both] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [we need another skip cos we gotta let this poor boy sleep for a while] Janis: [let her have a sleep too 'cos also hasn't so he can wake up first] Jimmy: [casually like where the fuck am I in that hot sec before he realises shes still right there bitch 😍 at her for a bit boy she wont know] Jimmy: [but actually like snuggling into her more cos you know you should check your phone to see if your siblings are alive but you dont wanna but thanks to Ian it would hurt trying to bury your head cos you arent drunk anymore so youre like ow and thatd probably wake her up so] Janis: [enjoy boy, waking up like 'hey'] Jimmy: [saying it back in the quietest voice ever] Janis: ['you need water?' and going to get up] Jimmy: [when youre like I need painkillers for all these injuries but you arent gonna say that because gotta be hard and northern so say nothing] Janis: [looking back like ?] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug, oh boy have some water and dont be a knob] Janis: [goes for that water] Jimmy: [does check his phone to make sure Cass and Bobby are alright] Janis: [should've washed his uniform for him so he can look like he's been a presentable boy at work all day, so bringing that back in too] Jimmy: [thats so domestic I nearly screamed then] Janis: [when you so caring on the low and no one knows rn] Jimmy: [he would be DYING because he dont have a mum to care about him and clearly Ian isnt] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [fully conceal dont feel boy so she doesnt know how much that got to you] Janis: [just sitting back down on the bed, looking at him like 🤔 'well, you look less pissed at least'] Jimmy: [he was drinking his water and keeping it casual so gotta do a little choke laugh into it like] Janis: ['if you die when I've gone to all this trouble, I swear' 😏] Jimmy: ['less witnesses here than on the bus, be alright' 😏 oh the double meaning excuse you slag] Janis: ['that's alright then' so flirty] Jimmy: [forever giving LOOKS, oh you two] Janis: [all the looks all the time, also the PJs are on as promised so] Jimmy: [give them a nod now youre properly awake boy] Janis: [little lol] Jimmy: [takes her hand and puts it on his pulse so she can see that hes still alive cos obvs trying to kill him with how cute she looks and is] Janis: [just moving your hands up and down 'cos you wanna but then getting to his face and pausing like 'what you gonna tell the kid, if he asks?'] Jimmy: [looks down at some old burn scar or other and back at her like theres your answer cos can easily say he did it at work by falling over something or whatever] Janis: [nods 'then you're good to go-' adding '-whenever' 'cos blatantly does not want it to be yet tah] Jimmy: ['Is the plan to starve me out or-' obviously stalling because he doesnt wanna go either ha 'Mia'll be well proud' but also when was the last time they ate either of them lbr] Janis: ['could just say you're hungry, dickhead' gentle push back down, like 'what you want?'] Jimmy: ['it'd end the live tweets too quick that' gets comfy and doesnt answer what he wants of course v helpful] Janis: [when you get on top of him like you're about to playfight or be saucy, which is it??? neither, getting up like 'get what you're given then, boy' 😏] Jimmy: 💔 Janis: sure you don't wanna live-tweet it? Jimmy: You want that to be your rep then? Janis: worse things than a heartbreaker, I guess Janis: jussayin, you had your chance to chat to me 🤐 Jimmy: Oi, not if it's my heart under the 🔨 Jimmy: so rude you Janis: so your 🖤 is delicate but your lungs and kidney can take it? Janis: noted Jimmy: swing a 🔨 delicately, do you? Noted Janis: forgot liver, but thought that might be a sensitive topic still Janis: very fucking considerate, I'll have you know Jimmy: might be for you, pisshead Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: now Janis: thanks to my excellent nursing Jimmy: Then an' all Jimmy: but I know how into giving it a go you were, not the only considerate one you Janis: even if we're back to faking it, you were never that good Janis: your 😵🥴 and bambi walk gave you away Jimmy: might be concussion that, you didn't ask, some nurse you Janis: didn't need to, you told me about the scotch of your own freewill Janis: so rude to question my competence Janis: risky, when I'm making you food as well Jimmy: scotch which came after, could've already had the serious head injury Janis: 🙄 considering you've survived your all-day nap Janis: gonna say I was right and you're taking the piss Jimmy: no 🏆 coming your way for a fluke, mate Janis: don't ask for much do ya Janis: don't fancy being your real gf, high maintenance motherfucker Jimmy: Nowt off you, I hate to be disappointed me Jimmy: enough 🎻 playing as is Janis: come up here and help yourself then, twat Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: 💀👑 is probably hiding in your fridge Janis: sniffing calories Janis: yeah well you can go in the freezer if you don't start behaving Jimmy: beats a cold 🚿 if you're gonna keep being so 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: not if you're concussed Janis: can't risk injuring you further 'til you're all better, can I Jimmy: I have been before, I ain't now Jimmy: You'll have to think of another way to lose your fake nursing qualification Janis: 'cos that's what I wanna do Jimmy: be out of your hands if you ain't 🥇 Janis: and lemme guess, you'll be 🥇 and in charge, yeah? Jimmy: Let me guess, you want Pete to have final say, yeah? Janis: I mean, don't even put the idea in my head if you want this food any time soon Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 can't share that cold 🚿 Jimmy: fuck it, go on into his DMs its been a bit and I can wait one Janis: BUT WHAT DO I SAY?!?! 😱 Jimmy: pic gonna be worth loads more than words, girl Jimmy: he's an artist Janis: 👂 not 👀 but I get your point Janis: and a voice message would be well forward Jimmy: and you're 🙀🥇🙀 obvs Janis: piss off Janis: not sending nudes to every fit boy I see ain't 🙀 it's sane Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you do it then Jimmy: he don't want mine Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and you turning out to be my beard isn't very believable Janis: why not Jimmy: would've picked a different lass if that's what I was after Jimmy: more girly or something Janis: 🖕 Janis: ignoring you now Jimmy: Why 'cause I'm not gay? Bit rude Janis: no because you're rude Jimmy: for not sending unwanted nudes to my straight male coworker? Nah mate you've got that wrong Janis: 😑 Janis: to me Jimmy: What for? Janis: what do you mean what for Jimmy: What do you mean I'm being rude to you? Janis: where to begin Janis: it comes that natural, you don't even notice, eh Jimmy: You notice owt that ain't happening Janis: don't be a gaslighter, that ain't #goals Jimmy: don't be throwing words about that you could save for a # Janis: liked you better when you were asleep Jimmy: I liked you better when I were too Janis: your sense of directions for shit but you can work on where the door is if that's the case Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: are you taking this food or what Jimmy: is it done or what? Janis: you're in such a rush Janis: would you even be done with your shift yet Jimmy: You told me to be in one Janis: I never Jimmy: you said fuck off out so I'm going Janis: I said stop being a dick Jimmy: you said leave Janis: well if you don't like me why would I do things for you and why would you want me to Jimmy: I never said Janis: yeah well you did Jimmy: that were you Janis: you said it back Janis: I was joking Jimmy: because in dreams owt can happen, why wouldn't that be better? Janis: now you're gonna be slick, huh Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: whatever, keats Janis: just stay and eat Janis: in the oven now, don't need go waste Jimmy: only gonna take poison off your 💋 Jules so don't get any other ideas with the 🍽 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'll take your word, no need to 🔪 yourself to get it written out anywhere else Janis: yeah if they reckon last night was a suey attempt they probably will take the knives so I'll be 😇 Jimmy: til I take you somewhere else, any road Jimmy: soon have you back at 😈🥇 Janis: not sure I can take your word on that score yet Janis: but we'll see Jimmy: Why not? Janis: still impatiently waiting for you to take me, ain't I Jimmy: if you're so impatient let's go Janis: gotta eat Jimmy: not me 👻 Janis: take my duties very serious, even if you doubt my ability Jimmy: so serious you Jimmy: that'll be why you were all jokes a bit ago Janis: keep your on your toes Janis: check for any concussion Jimmy: I'll work out with you, stop begging Janis: never keep up, baby Jimmy: That hurts, babe Jimmy: Ian's got nowt on you Janis: give him pointers on the verbal smackdown if I see him Janis: 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 you won't but tah Jimmy: getting really boring having the same row every time, like Janis: yeah, figured I was fucked for an invite back Janis: give him some new material, whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant 'cause he makes himself scarce for a bit after Jimmy: not showing you the door Janis: Ah Janis: almost like remorse, but not quite, sir Jimmy: Don't wanna look at me til I'm healed Jimmy: he'll have that in common with my instagram feed I'm sure Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Prick Jimmy: You ready for your close up then? Jimmy: be your time to shine, this Janis: so kind of you to share your spotlight Janis: 😏 Jimmy: well you know, if the queen of the undead asks I got every bruise decking some dickhead for you or whatever so I won't need it Jimmy: hero worshipped as standard Janis: she ain't very good down on her knees, so the rumor mill says so might wanna reconsider getting 'em 🙏 Jimmy: Teeth falling out during would put anyone off tbf Jimmy: 🤞 she at least swallows them Jimmy: Tooth fairy won't come but the lad might still Jimmy: 💕 Janis: put out a poll in the groupchat Janis: important info Jimmy: Where's Grace's room, if I don't get lost I'll ask her Janis: piss off Jimmy: Come on, tell me Janis: shut up, no Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're disgusting Jimmy: What? Janis: you know what Jimmy: No Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't need to, pretty obvious Janis: ask your sister the same shall I Jimmy: She don't have a #squad for you to get the goss on, soz babes Janis: well I'm not gonna, freak Janis: neither are you Jimmy: What's the fucking matter with you? Janis: what are you on about Jimmy: You heard Janis: and you heard, shut up chatting about my sister Janis: don't see how you don't see that that's weird Jimmy: I weren't chatting about her, just her besties Jimmy: So what's your problem with that? Janis: just quit whilst I've got hot food coming at you or it'll end up in your lap Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [coming through with some kind of safe food she's just shoved in for them] Jimmy: [takes it so he can eat it and shhh] Janis: [omnom] Jimmy: [awkward moody silent eating lol] Janis: [fun times forever] Jimmy: [just finishing speedily and getting ready to go as if I'm gonna let that happen haha] Janis: [looking up as if she's shooketh 'alright?'] Jimmy: [a nod that's clearly incorrect] Janis: [a funny face like obvs not 'come on'] Jimmy: [a look thats like dont tell me to come on] Janis: [😱😬😋 in that order] Jimmy: [leaving but not really cos I still ain't gonna let him get that far obvs] Janis: excuse you Jimmy: can do, if you want Janis: the least you can do is say bye Jimmy: Alright then Jimmy: bye Janis: fuck you, come back here and say it to my face Jimmy: [does come storming back in but doesnt say it, because just looking at her intensely instead] Janis: [😡 face 'say.it.'] Jimmy: ['you' doesnt need to be as up in her grill as he is, but what's new 'why are you being such a massive dickhead?'] Janis: ['me?' outrage lmao 'you. what is your problem right now?'] Jimmy: ['What's yours? I fucking asked you ages ago'] Janis: ['Nothing, you've been an asshole ever since you woke up'] Jimmy: ['No, I've not, you've been having a go at me since your sister got mentioned'] Janis: ['and I told you, it weren't funny'] Jimmy: [annoyed shrug like whatever then] Janis: ['goodbye then' and flinging yourself dramatically on the bed] Jimmy: [does not move] Janis: [is on phone not looking his way so] Janis: what Jimmy: [taking her phone off her #problematic] Janis: [death stare 'WHAT'] Jimmy: [when you can't handle her shouting at you because soft boy 5ever so you're in a shut down like you didnt start this, oh boy so problematic] Janis: ['what' at a normal level like genuine confusion] Jimmy: ['everything's shit' but quietly like the grandma I am would be like ?? 'since I woke up, before then, just....'] Janis: [sighs, rubbing her temples and sitting back down from getting up to shout 'yeah' also quiet 'it is'] Jimmy: [sits next to her but not close to her, a throwback to that bench on the school trip because I'm that slut] Janis: ['I get it, alright' throwing a glance back but not maintaining any eye contact rn 'sorry'] Jimmy: [lying on your back to stare at her ceiling dramatically because you wanna cry and its another throwback while Im on a roll 'I'm a dickhead and I'm sorry'] Janis: ['yeah but so am I, for one; and two, don't make it alright that everything's SO shit, you know' shrugs, shuffles back but doesn't commit to laying down next to him, taking his hand] Jimmy: ['You're not though, you're-' I can't even begin to go there rn boy, sits up but without letting go of her hand and is just looking down at it like 'and you have made it alright, a bit' because she is so nice and he cant even deal Janis: ['a bit' 🤏 smiles a lil and nudges him like, you ain't either though, shrugs 'just what any fucker would do, and they probably wouldn't be a cunt minute you wake up so-'] Jimmy: [raises their linked hands like I can't do the lot stretched out hand thing without letting go, soz because of course he isnt gonna do that. Lowkey crying silently #same because you dont know how to express how nice she is or how much you arent used to/cant handle it] Janis: [when their hands are going back down, tapping his head 'you nerd' then taking his other hand and finally hugging so he can cry in private 'I swear, I wanna make it alright all the time, I wanna be your mate but you don't get it, I ain't a good one, all I'll bring is more hassle, like'] Jimmy: [just the longest hug ever because all the reasons 'you're the best I've had, I get that it sounds fake but it's not'] Janis: [just squeezing him tighter 'cos what to say like same bitch] Jimmy: [such a MOMENT 'you wanna get out of here with me now then?'] Janis: ['yeah' no hesitation 'but you're gonna have to leave and I'm gonna have to sneak out after'] Jimmy: need a 🚬 anyway Jimmy: find me after Janis: okay Jimmy: [leaves but looks back of course cos ILY bitch] Janis: [chasing him down and giving him the most intense kiss of all time, pablo where you at to interrupt] Jimmy: [OMG Mia where you at tho] Janis: [if she was actually over LMAO] Jimmy: [she so could be if we want because always inviting herself] Janis: [amuses me greatly why not] Jimmy: [Grace chasing Mia down but not to kiss her I hope and just like oh ffs because so over Mias obsession with JJ] Janis: [#thereallovestory] Jimmy: [they are everyones otp get over it now Mia] Janis: [least they can bants about how it's getting weird now, egg on your face sweaty Jimmy: [and she cant hang so she cant join them bants soz] Janis: [not soz, when you can start kissing again like it's purely to get them to fuck off but blatantly not] Jimmy: [going for it because you know Mia is too invested when Grace has to drag her away like dont be weird] Janis: [probably try to join in, just loling when they're gone] Jimmy: [you know they are having a bestie domestic, Grace having to be all what is your problem herself because seriously Mia get a grip my love] Janis: [oh the drama, weekly falling out is on, pick a side everyone] Jimmy: [at least JJ are living their best lives rn] Janis: ['why are you making me wanna stay, just a bit' 🤏] Jimmy: [kissing her again because challenge to make her wanna stay a lot is very much accepted] Janis: [just making your way back upstairs really slowly 'cos you're making out the whole way/being pushes backwards] Jimmy: [don't fall over and hurt yourselves either of you because that wouldnt be a mood and this is] Janis: [you got this, on your knees/sat anyway so it fine] Jimmy: [love that you keep having moments on stairs atm] Janis: [mewd] Jimmy: [god bless you both] Janis: [first time yay or nay?] Jimmy: [I say yes because it happened here OG anyway and feels are well high like how would we even stop them lol] Janis: [my thoughts exactly] Jimmy: [we have to steal them missing their stop on the bus from the OG and having to walk for another occasion though cos that was a mood] Janis: [yes easily done tho so we will] Jimmy: [blatantly re-read that hence me and my dementia remember so] Jimmy: [At least Cali cant kick off at her because she did technically stay in] Janis: [gonna say I do not tbh lol] Janis: [if they do just be like HE WAS LOCKED OUT fight me] Jimmy: [we all know Caleb is a soft touch anyway lads] Janis: [trutru also save the lecture she busylol] Jimmy: [he would have that boy over for dinner every night and lowkey adopt him haha] Janis: [he don't know that yet tho just thinking there's another bad egg on the scene] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [the joys of being a parent lmao] Jimmy: [arent you glad you went as hard as you did on the numbers guys] Janis: [regrets, you have 10] Jimmy: [awkward] Janis: [speaking of, how you wanna be lads] Jimmy: [staying forever is how he will wanna be clingy bitch] Janis: [probably need to go feed your siblings though so he could always have a headstart and she'll meet him there] Jimmy: [good point, gotta keep them alive] Janis: [especially if Ian is hiding] Jimmy: [at least he would be at work still so easy to avoid] Janis: [true tea, and if he shows Jimmy can pretend he been working all day anyway] Jimmy: [Twix will be going mental honey, poor bab] Janis: [🤞 cass been holding the fort and walked her] Jimmy: [Im gonna insist she has or Ill be 💔] Jimmy: [also gotta insist that Mia has been posting about them so they gotta be reminded of the fake shit after being the realest ever with each other like] Janis: [a good jump off point] Jimmy: [leave them alone and mind your business bitch literally why are you so bothered] Janis: [never known love, never known life] Janis: how many restraining orders you reckon her da has found loopholes in, like? Janis: [whatever extraness on Mia's socials] Jimmy: Fuck's sake Janis: yeah Janis: she must've left in a strop a while ago 'cos grace is stomping around here solo, like Jimmy: 💔 Janis: thoughts and prayers Jimmy: Hang on, let me start a gofundme to buy poor Gracie a new bestie Jimmy: 🧸 still in my bad books Janis: well, s'a hard sell so Janis: 🍀 to you Jimmy: Oh come on 🥇 optimist at work here Janis: call it clueless Janis: but love that for you Janis: luxury money can't buy Jimmy: Oi, be nice to me Janis: I am Janis: it's endearing Janis: only jealous, like Jimmy: Suspicious Jimmy: my undercover 👮🚔 senses are going Janis: Why? Janis: no case to crack here Janis: open book, me Jimmy: that's what a closed book would say Jimmy: got my 👀 on you, baby Janis: 😏 Janis: that's what a 45 year old perv would say Janis: nothing to hide, keep on 👀 Jimmy: Alright then Janis: you not on the bus? Janis: don't have to hide in the bushes w the binoculars Jimmy: I don't have time to spy on you 🚌👵💕 Jimmy: 👀 for another, tah Janis: 💔 Janis: move so fast Jimmy: told you I could keep up with you in the gym Janis: not gonna be your gym buddy now though 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have a new 🚿 buddy in a bit Jimmy: those non slip surfaces and grab rails 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: it's a date and a party Janis: 😡 Janis: hope she breaks a hip xoxo Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: in good hands, her Janis: be nice to me too Jimmy: If I start Janis: ? Jimmy: I'll want you to get on this bus with me Janis: same Janis: they're being ridiculously OTT Jimmy: bit rude when that's my job Janis: I'll let 'em know Janis: dead curious, like 🙄 Jimmy: tell them I ain't done a shift of my other, raring to go, me Jimmy: such a strong worth ethic Jimmy: work* Janis: you want 'em to like you Janis: 😎 boy for life Jimmy: I want you to know I like you Jimmy: where OTT comes in Janis: I want that too Janis: no 🙄 needed Jimmy: Come back then Janis: I will Janis: when they shut up and give me a second alone Jimmy: How much trouble will you be in? Janis: not enough that I care Janis: unless they plan to actually lock me in my room, they know I won't stick around anyway, pretend to the contrary if they want Jimmy: Did you just quote me? Janis: didn't check if I got it verbatim but Jimmy: 💕 Janis: shut up 💘 Jimmy: you can't tell me to shut up when you're having my words come out of your mouth Janis: you know I say 'em nicer Jimmy: bollocks you love my accent Janis: just like it when you actually talk, babe Jimmy: Do you? Janis: 'course I do Jimmy: What do you wanna hear? Janis: How much you like me Janis: and how you're gonna show me Jimmy: [a voice memo thing going into far too much detail considering he is either on the bus or waiting for one] Janis: oh Janis: that's Janis: remind me why you aren't here again Jimmy: 'cause you're coming to me Jimmy: soon as Janis: yeah Janis: and I can stay Janis: 'til Ian shows again, yeah? Jimmy: even when he does Jimmy: I said, not kicking you out Janis: good Janis: 'cos don't wanna go unless we go together Janis: 💀🤞 Jimmy: 💌 Jimmy: got that in writing now Janis: love a contract, you Jimmy: #middle aged man kinks Janis: 😂 Janis: it's alright, you got stamina, for an old guy Jimmy: reword that tweet a bit before you hit send probably Janis: not gonna blow your cover Janis: bit late for the blow-by-blow account anyway Jimmy: 👍 Janis: in a stunning turn of events, gracie is helping me for some reason so should be able to get out of here sooner than anticipated Jimmy: very funny Janis: funny weird, yeah Janis: already ordered a lift so Jimmy: Hang on, you ain't joking? Janis: unless she is Janis: see in 5 Jimmy: unless she kills you Jimmy: still see you though 👻💕 Janis: counterproductive if that's what they're all claiming to be so upset about Janis: funny though Janis: she'd get shanked so fast in prison Jimmy: Might not, had loads of practice being Mia's bitch Janis: assume that's where she's running herself Jimmy: how romantic Jimmy: tell her not to, we don't need the competition Janis: absolutely not Jimmy: You won't have a convo with her or you won't tolerate them as an IT couple? Janis: 1. I'm not trying to help her ever Janis: 2. they're both in love with me Janis: 3. we're 🥇 and don't ever imply less Jimmy: So forceful you Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: sort it out, honestly 😏 Jimmy: if you get to mine before me, you'll have to Jimmy: skipped the honeymoon and went straight to kids and a dog Janis: that's a point Janis: evidently YOUR honeymoon is over 'cos waited for you to get on that bus, like Janis: plan worked 💕🙌 Jimmy: never a bad plan, you Janis: n'awh Janis: don't worry, know how to do oven chips, I can sort it Jimmy: so does Cass, she's 12 not 2 Janis: excuse me, you want me to muck in or nah Jimmy: No, I don't want you to Jimmy: that's why I said you might have to Jimmy: under duress, same as me Janis: well I'm used to that Janis: no worries Jimmy: Ruining the fantasy a bit there, rich girl Janis: you can do better Jimmy: Obviously Janis: and you'll have plenty of time after the bedtime routine Jimmy: Not if our kid has owt to do with it but I'll make time for you Janis: can't stay awake long as I can Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I'll give you the 🏆 when I wake up then Janis: talking 'bout outlasting the kid but if you're 😪 already baby Jimmy: been tired since before I met you Jimmy: worst kept secret in my new boy mystery set Janis: poor boy Janis: I'll help you sleep, trust Jimmy: What's your singing voice like? Fed up of 🎻🎻🎻 me Janis: don't reckon I'm winning any 🏆 but Janis: do my best Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how do you do it then Jimmy: What? Janis: the whole having self-control thing Janis: 'cos when I see you I'll just wanna Jimmy: The clue's in the first bit Jimmy: it ain't about me Jimmy: what I wanna do Jimmy: I ain't got no self control, just Jimmy: shit in my way Janis: hmm Janis: makes sense Janis: all your habits, like 🚬 Jimmy: got plenty of self destruction, yeah Jimmy: nowt in the way of that Janis: I'll drink to that Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: There's no scotch but you can have owt else that he or I've not Janis: such a good host Jimmy: Do you have 🚬? Janis: nah but I'll go shop Janis: give you chance to get here Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: How do you do this? Janis: ? Jimmy: it's the longest 🚌 ride I've ever been on 😱😱 Jimmy: you really live in the middle of nowt, girl Janis: you were warned Janis: hoping it'll keep us in, hasn't really worked Jimmy: actually gonna have to move you in Jimmy: don't even like you it's just jealousy that you get to spend so much time with hot drivers like this bloke Jimmy: and the 👵👴 on board every time Janis: honestly, prime hunting ground for you Janis: it's probably trevor Janis: be more jealous, I know 'em all by name Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Why you trying to make me get banned for 🥊? Jimmy: even if I won't need to visit you here 💀👑 and  the rest of the #squad will want me to show up Janis: 1. you're jealous of me for seeing them, not the other way 'round, remember Janis: 2. just really want an excuse to steal another car Janis: 3. gonna make a habit of giving them what they want? Jimmy: 1. that's obvs all a blur 'cause I'm too fuming to think clearly now Jimmy: 2. I didn't steal the 1st one so I don't reckon you can say another Jimmy: 3. Depends Janis: 1. Me too now, see 3 Janis: 2. you don't know how far I got, pisshead Janis: 3. 😒 Jimmy: What's that face for? Jimmy: You dunno what it depends on yet, mardy Janis: I know I don't like it either way Janis: but fine, what? Jimmy: I was just Jimmy: but nah it's alright, you don't wanna know Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😒😒 Janis: [imagine she's done them huge like on facebook] Janis: well tell me Jimmy: If they still want me to break up with you, I might Jimmy: to cut out all the fake shit between us Jimmy: that's what I were thinking Janis: who told you you were allowed to be so Jimmy: ? Janis: idk the right word Janis: cute just sounds fake Jimmy: I know what you mean Janis: alright, bighead 😏 Jimmy: Piss off, I meant about sounding fake Jimmy: that's why I reckon breaking up and just seeing each other when we want, how we want, is the best plan Janis: makes sense Janis: anything we were gonna achieve with it, we have by now so Janis: can just ghost 'em, like Janis: not like we have to make an annoucement, they'll do the rest themselves Jimmy: school might be weird, being exes, that's the only thing Janis: yeah Janis: not really an alternative though, is there? Jimmy: Be easier to fake 💔 than 💕 probably Jimmy: not like we have every lesson together anyway Janis: and school is shit anyway so Jimmy: If you want a day off from pretending to hate me, we'll skip Janis: why do I need to hate you Jimmy: We were so in love and now we ain't #duh Jimmy: every dickhead knows you can't be friends with your ex Jimmy: unless you want them to think you're a lesbian again, like Janis: if it's the only option we've got then it is Jimmy: You don't reckon it's a good one? Janis: nah Janis: but there ain't a good one Janis: not your fault, like Jimmy: Fake 💔 or fake 💕 then? Janis: 💔 why not Janis: may as well, change of scenery Jimmy: I get it 😒 is easier than 😍 for me an' all Janis: 👌 Jimmy: sorted then Janis: yep Jimmy: [shows her a doodle he's done of them while he's stuck on this bus like okay boy your 😍 are showing here] Janis: you still got time to post that or what Jimmy: Do I? Janis: your plan Jimmy: I'm not gonna 💔 til you wanna though Janis: what are we waiting for Jimmy: Alright I'll delete now Janis: 👋 Jimmy: Owt you want off my phone you can sort in a bit Janis: don't need to Jimmy: bit rude Janis: why Jimmy: Oi, a 🥇 photographer, me Janis: don't actually need a portfolio Janis: tah Jimmy: Fine Janis: don't fancy it, posting the 🚬 through your letterbox ok Jimmy: No, there's nowt okay about that Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: what are you Janis: something's come up Jimmy: What has? Janis: does it matter? Janis: just need to go Jimmy: Why wouldn't that matter? Janis: don't be awkward Jimmy: you Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: Nothing Janis: but this plan won't just happen by itself either Janis: things I need to sort now Jimmy: Not what you said before Jimmy: you said we didn't have to do nowt Jimmy: that they'd work it out Janis: about figuring it out Janis: I'm talking about the fallout Jimmy: What do you mean? Janis: well do you really wanna mope around and pretend to be 💔 Janis: actual 💔 Janis: that's the rep you want? think about it Janis: just means more faking, only with other people Jimmy: I'm not gonna get another fake girlfriend if that's what you're saying Janis: not saying you repeat this scheme Janis: but gotta be seen to be moving on, yeah Jimmy: No Janis: alright for you, isn't it Janis: who do you think they'll reckon dumped who Jimmy: You can dump me, I don't care what they think Janis: still fake, ain't it Janis: whatever way we play it Jimmy: Yeah but Jimmy: we can be real with each other Janis: I fucking hate it Janis: that it matters Jimmy: That's why I'm trying to give us a chance to start over Jimmy: Alright, we might have to give them one last show but after that whenever I see you or say owt it's real Janis: Is it though Jimmy: Why wouldn't it be? Janis: if you're trying to not see me again for real, just do that Janis: don't headfuck me Jimmy: You're the one who has come all this way to decide you don't fancy it Janis: it's you that keeps talking about hating and avoiding and all that shit Janis: how am I meant to take that Jimmy: If you don't fancy me anymore because fucking me weren't like you thought it were gonna be then alright Jimmy: but don't talk bollocks Jimmy: You know I wanna see you Janis: No Janis: it isn't that Janis: but no, I don't know that either Janis: feel like I don't know fuck all these days Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: I didn't wanna go, you have to know that, you were there Jimmy: and I wouldn't bring you here where I don't wanna fucking be if I didn't REALLY want to see you Janis: I'm Janis: stupid Janis: sorry Janis: take your pick Jimmy: just Jimmy: come back Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: it does if I've made it weirder than I already felt Jimmy: what can be weirder than not being fake with your fake girlfriend? Jimmy: I don't care, alright Janis: you thought it was weird Jimmy: What? No Jimmy: I mean actually telling you how I feel is weird Janis: oh Janis: well, agreed Jimmy: Agreeing is weird an' all, isn't it? Janis: can't take the other side and pretend this is standard for me, soz Jimmy: be weirder if it were Jimmy: You reckon I've got some fucked habits but that'd be Janis: don't be mad 'cos you're my 5th fake boyfriend, alright Janis: judgey Jimmy: That ain't funny or cute Jimmy: Shut up Janis: obviously not Janis: you approached me Janis: not doing that kinda suggestability voodoo Jimmy: OMG 🤐 Janis: yeah, think on Janis: was a pretty out of character thing to do, no? Jimmy: Paddy girls are pretty full on Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: there's nowt you can say Janis: not lumping myself in with that lot Janis: and you Jimmy: neither were I Jimmy: never have done Janis: ❄ Janis: I remember Jimmy: 👍 Janis: such a dick, you were Jimmy: Nah, I am Jimmy: no need to past tense it Janis: just specifying the time Jimmy: Alright, so don't forget to add I will be such a dick too then Jimmy: for the future Janis: if I'm about, I'll be sure to let you know Jimmy: 💔 you won't be able to @ me Jimmy: but wherever Ian drags us next somebody'll say it to my face, no doubt Janis: of course, you are a dick, after-all Jimmy: and yet still properly sought after Jimmy: a brainer lad would've planned that Janis: enough room for a proper beefy 🧠 in that massive head Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 that it's empty then Jimmy: well nearly Janis: poor boy Jimmy: I'll live, babe Jimmy: 🧟💕 Janis: now it's my turn to be 💔 Jimmy: Go on and have a 🎻 too then Jimmy: might as well Janis: can't even be 😍 over how generous you are Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos you said from now on we're only saying real things Jimmy: and you shot down the 💡 in 🔥 Janis: no I didn't Janis: you didn't explain properly Jimmy: You don't wanna say real things to me Janis: where'd you get that idea from Jimmy: call it 👮🚔 senses Jimmy: or that you're well quick to not understand what I've said 'cause like I said 😒 is easier Janis: or maybe it's a weird situation that's hard to understand Janis: which we agreed on Janis: if 😒 was easier I would've thought it was the best idea ever Jimmy: Alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: so what are you saying Jimmy: nowt Janis: fuck off Janis: you reckon I can't handle real then Jimmy: You did, I were there Janis: so why are you saying I don't want it then Jimmy: No 🧠 Janis: ugh Janis: alright Jimmy: It just feels like Jimmy: you don't want any of this now Janis: that's not true Janis: why do you Janis: nah Jimmy: Go on Janis: it's Janis: like why would I have freaked out back there if I didn't want it Janis: when I thought you didn't Janis: not keeping you around as a sure thing when I don't give a fuck, am I Jimmy: I can't say how long I'll be around here anyway, you either so Jimmy: don't worry about it Jimmy: I'm just being Janis: don't mean we can't now Janis: does it Janis: every fucker else does, not like they have any more guarantee Jimmy: Not a habit of mine to leave 💔 lasses behind me Janis: behave Jimmy: I don't want to, had to for ages when you were only giving me fake 💕 Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me that Janis: 😏 Janis: yeah but the 💔 has always been fake, what I'm saying Janis: don't need to think about that Jimmy: Good 'cause as far as 💭 I can do better Janis: go on then Jimmy: [the most 🔥 sext of all time obvs] Janis: can I come back Janis: please Jimmy: I said Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: just checking Jimmy: where are you? Janis: not far Janis: well a bit but not out of town far Jimmy: 🏃? Janis: if that's you, then no, think of your lungs Jimmy: not the bit of me I'm thinking with and I'm only thinking of you, not me but alright Jimmy: if you can't handle another race Janis: now I'm with ya Janis: 'course I'M gonna run Janis: but the incentive is appreciated Jimmy: I'll appreciate you better than that Janis: you better Janis: i've missed you Jimmy: 🥇 baby, you'll see Jimmy: it feels like ages since I left Jimmy: it's been ages but you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: like actual time as passed and not a day Janis: it's always been a bit like that with you Janis: weird Jimmy: but you were still always gone before I was ready for you to be Jimmy: weirder Janis: felt it too Janis: weirdest Jimmy: I Janis: yeah? Jimmy: just Jimmy: it is a mess but Jimmy: I'm glad I did ask you Jimmy: nowt else could've happened if not Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: You reckon I'm wrong? Jimmy: somehow don't picture you hanging round the CG like your twin Jimmy: obviously I could have caught you in the gym 🏆💪 but unlikely you'd be chatty then, sore loser you are Janis: ha x2 Janis: 😏 Janis: we do go to the same school, you know Jimmy: Were you gonna offer to help me with my homework or what? Janis: not porn Janis: and I'm not some bitch with pigtails and a plaid mini skirt, like Jimmy: not with that attitude Janis: 😂 Jimmy: and I've seen you in your uniform, like Jimmy: not that far off Janis: you're such an idiot Janis: but you did know then, that's good Jimmy: Know what, that you're really fit? Obviously Janis: that we were at the same school before the fateful trip Jimmy: I get that I hide them well but I've got 👀 Jimmy: I saw you, like I said Janis: and obviously I couldn't miss the welcome party so Janis: 👀 likewise Jimmy: Am I ever gonna see you today or did you get lost? Janis: I'm on my way Janis: I'm fast, works in and out of your favour, I'm afraid Janis: depends which way I'm 🏃 Jimmy: Tah for not being well fast at everything then Jimmy: be over before I did my best tricks Jimmy: and you'd be asleep like half that bus were Janis: 💔 get used to not having an audience fast Janis: and benefits of not being a lad, just go again Jimmy: can't if you're 💀💀💀 Jimmy: get me arrested that Janis: promises promises Jimmy: which you know you can hold me to Jimmy: unless your memory loss is back Janis: no but Janis: stop distracting me if you want me to get there any time soon Jimmy: Baby, I've seen you multitask Jimmy: come on Jimmy: can do so many things at once you Janis: I wanna save it for you Janis: you turned me on so it's yours Jimmy: I'm going nowhere yet but the kids and dog are Jimmy: this whole house is yours, just need to get to it Janis: serious? Jimmy: Deadly, as usual Janis: Good thing I'm only a couple streets away then Janis: hold on Jimmy: Surviving somehow Janis: 'cos you can't 💀💀💀 without me Jimmy: keep my promises, yeah, that kind of dickhead Janis: I like that kind of dickhead Jimmy: Shakespeare's got nowt on you, girl Jimmy: you better only be a couple of streets away Jimmy: don't be saying shit like that to me if I can't respond immediately Janis: [rings doorbell] Jimmy: [thank god he sent everyone away because we know what kind of hello she's getting] Janis: [lol if someone else answered that would've been very awkward for us all] Jimmy: [likewise if Twix got there before him] Janis: [distracted with food probably] Jimmy: [it's alright she can be gone too on a walk or wherever] Janis: [my boo say everyone out] Jimmy: [give them their privacy please they've had enough audiences]

[seungcheolsbodyharness]

heart shaped: II

wc: 3.2k

summary: you and jihoon discuss relationships - not just the fake one between the two of you, but those of your past, and find out you have more in common than you might have thought. you have your first “date” at jihoon’s carnival, where soyoung and woomin tag along.

genre: fake dating, fluff, minor angst

part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || finale (in progress)

“so, i think we should talk about boundaries.”

you’re sitting in a cafe with jihoon a few days later, the day before his christmas festival. he looks up at you over the rim of his cup, eyebrows raised, nodding slightly for you to continue.

“so, how do you feel about physical affection? obviously since we’re only ‘newly dating’, i doubt anyone with any sense will ask us to kiss. but stuff like, you know, holding hands, hugging - are you okay with that?” you break off a piece of the cookie you’d bought and chew slowly, waiting for his response.

“ah, well, i guess if we have to?” he shrugs and scratches at the back of his head, ears red.

he’s cute when he’s nervous, you think.

“well, only when we’re out where people we know could see us, you know what i mean? i’m not saying that if we like, decide to hang out just you and i, we have to hold hands and cuddle and all that. i mean…” you trail off, tracing the rim of your mug with the tip of your finger. jihoon watches the movement, then looks up and sees the crumbs gathered under your bottom lip.

without thinking, he moves forward and wipes them off. it startles you, only for a second, but it’s enough to have him quickly retracting his hand and looking desperately away from you. “sorry.” he mumbles, cheeks red.

“no, no jihoon, don’t be, that was very...very boyfriend-like. i guess what i was going to say is that whether people believe us or not will be based on what they know about our past relationships.”

jihoon raises an eyebrow, “how so?”

“well, like, my last boyfriend and i were super touchy; always holding hands, hugging, or just, yknow, touching each other somehow. we also used a lot of pet names, but that was mostly his thing, so soyoung won’t get weird if we don’t do that. what about you?”

jihoon runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. “well, my last girlfriend was pretty clingy, but like, in the sense that she used to like practically hang off of me every chance she got, so i’m okay with like, casual touching i guess. and i uh,” jihoon looks down at his hands, interest suddenly drawn by something under his nails. “i liked calling her baby.”

“oh, that’s cute!” you laugh. “so we’re all good when it comes to that then. i think we should probably go out together at least once a week, and then post cute couple things on insta, that way people aren’t like ‘wow, are you guys really dating? what was your last date?’, that kind of thing.”

“you seem to know an awful lot about fooling people into thinking you’re in a relationship.”

you know he doesn’t mean it with any sort of malice. you know this, that it’s just a quip, but it doesn’t keep the clenching pain from your chest as you frown, just a small one, and shrug. “well, you get pretty good at it when you have to convince yourself, too.” you take a deep breath, and you smile to show jihoon that you’re fine. his horrified expression doesn’t fade, though and you reach out to take his hand. “it’s okay, jihoon. you didn’t know.”

“when my girlfriend broke up with me,” he blurts, hoping to trade your discomfort for his own, “she told me it was because she didn’t love me anymore.” he takes a deep breath of his own and then continues. “i didn’t find out until later that she’d been cheating on me. when - when she’d broken up with me i had asked if there was someone else, and she’d lied, and told me there wasn’t. so.”

your heart breaks a little, hearing this. “how - how did you find out?”

he closes his eyes for a moment, clenches them shut and you almost tell him to nevermind, you don’t need to know. he opens them again and he looks tired. “after it all happened, i stopped following her on social media, unfriended her and everything so i wouldn’t have to see if and when she got into a new relationship. then, a month or so after, she posted a picture of her and that guy on some romantic fucking outing, and captioned it ‘happy six months, baby’. mutual friends of ours commented on it calling her out and someone sent me a screenshot of it because i guess they thought i should know. six months. she’d been seeing him for five months before she decided she should get rid of me.”

correction: your heart shatters for jihoon.

“i’m so, so sorry to hear that jihoon.” you reach out your other hand so that you’re holding both of his, interlocking your fingers. “i may be your fake girlfriend, but i promise i’ll treat you well.”

he smiles, softly, and nods. “i may be your fake boyfriend, but at least i won’t make you second-guess the way you feel.”

you smile. everything is going to be fine.

it takes about an hour of desperate reasoning with soyoung over the phone before she forgives you for not telling her about your new ‘relationship’ with jihoon. she eventually relents that it would, in fact, have been easier to deal with if it hadn’t worked out. you would have been able to brush it all off as you not even realizing the whole thing was a set up in the first place.

“so, i did good this time, right? i finally set you up with someone you like~” soyoung sing songs to you over the speaker. you’re glad she isn’t there to see you roll your eyes.

“oh yeah soyoung, this is really going to up your success rate. one good guy out of like, fifteen.” you scroll through instagram as soyoung laughs, pleased to see how many people have left sweet comments on your photo of jihoon, as well as the one you’d posted afterwards of your hand intertwined with his.

“you know i just want you to be happy. after everything he put you through, i just want you to be happy like you used to be. that’s all.” the change in soyoung’s tone is overlayed with worry and concern, and you sigh. “so, you’re going to the festival with him right? he invited me and woomin so it’ll be like a cute double date! and i can make sure he’s treating you how he should.”

you laugh, now, the idea of small, bubbly soyoung intimidating anyone is something you’re dying to see. “yeah, i’m gonna be there. i helped him bake those cookies, i wanna see if they’re neighborhood-mom approved.”

soyoung giggles. “oh, i’m sure they will be. i’ll see you there, then?”

“you bet.”

jihoon picks you up promptly, right at two, just as he said he would. you’re not quite ready, so you invite him in to sit for a while as he waits.

“sorry about this.” you call from your bathroom, putting the finishing touches to your makeup and moving to the bed to lace and tie your boots.

“no, no it’s fine.” jihoon answers from your kitchen, smiling softly at you as you make your way out to him. “you look nice.”

you grin at him, bright and wide, doing a little curtsy that makes you both giggle. “thank you. you’re not half-bad yourself.”

jihoon’s giggles turn into a cough and his face flushes, and you run towards him, quickly grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and pressing it into his hands. he drinks it greedily and waves off your concern. “s-sorry. some air went down the wrong pipe, or something.”

you let out a relieved little huff. “i’m just glad you’re okay. should we go?”

jihoon nods and leads you out to his car. the two of you spend the ride in what you think is comfortable silence until jihoon mumbles, “do you mind if i put on some music?”

“oh, damn, of course jihoon! it’s your car, after all. driver picks the music and all that.” you lean over the console to pat his thigh and smile at him, pulling back your arm. “go ahead and play something.”

jihoon hands you his phone, unlocked, and instructs you on how to connect the phone to the bluetooth so he can focus on driving. he then directs you to the playlist he wants, and says that just anything is fine. the car fills with soft piano music that fades into strings and then, surprisingly, the beat drops into something more….techno.

you bop your head along to the beat, and jihoon smirks. “do you like it?”

“yeah! it’s different. it’s cool.” you notice that jihoon is tapping the steering wheel to the beat as he drives, and the two of you continue to listen as jihoon drives the rest of the way to the carnival. he parks in what you assume is his neighborhood ballpark, and as you get out of the car you can hear christmas carols blaring from somewhere up ahead.

jihoon comes around the front of the car to meet you. “ready?” he asks. he scratches his cheek with a mitten-clad finger, pulling his hat down farther around his ears.

you nod and stick out your hand, waiting for him to take it. he looks down at it and blinks, almost as if he’s forgotten entirely that he’d have to do this. you push your hand at him again, this time with emphasis, and he laughs as he takes it into his own.

the two of you walk towards the festival, where there are numerous different booths set up around the perimeter of a baseball field, with the center occupied by a small stage and seating.

“so….” jihoon squeezes your hand. “are you hungry, or do you wanna play some games, first?”

you clutch at your chest with your free hand, gasping. “are you gonna win me a prize, jihoon? the biggest stuffed animal in the whole place?”

he bites his lip to stifle his laughter and then nods. “if that’s what you want, then sure.” he hesitates for a second before adding, “baby.”

something in your stomach does a happy little flip when he says that, and you swing your joined hands between you as he leads you over to one of the numerous game booths. there, swinging from the top of the prizes is a huge stuffed fish.

“jihoon.” you gasp, this time genuinely. “jihoon i have to have that fish.” his gaze follows the direction your finger leads to, and he laughs.

“okay, baby. you got it.”

jihoon wins you the fish. he also wins you an equally large stuffed heart, numerous smaller animals, and a giftcard to one of the nicer steakhouses downtown. by the time woomin and soyoung arrive, you’ve picked a favorite of the stuffed prizes and already helped jihoon place the rest in his car.

being with jihoon is easy, you notice. it’s nice. knowing it isn’t real makes everything so much easier. it makes it natural.

so natural, apparently, that soyoung spends barely any time grilling jihoon about his intentions. maybe she trusts him more because he’s family, being woomin’s cousin; maybe it’s because they’ve met a few times already and soyoung is already familiar with him.

whatever the reason is, you’re grateful she doesn’t pry.

“so.” soyoung asks as the four of you walk slowly around the festival, “what’s going on in the center, there? with the stage?”

“uh, a couple things, actually. there was a couple different groups doing carols and other christmas songs, there was a silent auction this morning, and tonight is a uh. a talent show.” jihoon scratches the back of his head and you look up at him.

“you gonna be in it, hoon?” woomin asks around a mouthful of dumpling. soyoung smacks him lightly on the arm, giggling when he goes “what?”

“uh, yeah, actually. i have this new piece i’ve been working on so i figured i’d give it a shot here before i take it to anyone at work.”

woomin nods and you squeeze jihoon’s arm. he looks at you and smiles sheepishly. “you didn’t tell me that.” you say quietly.

jihoon shrugs. “i would have, eventually. we still have an hour before it starts anyway.”

you nod, appeased, and lay your head on his shoulder. the four of you huddle around one of the heaters dotting the grounds and you watch as woomin and soyoung flirt and tease each other, constantly giggling and exchanging kisses.

“baby.” jihoon whispers, “there’s something i wanted to show you.”

you turn to him, surprised, but you nod and wave goodbye for the time being to your friends.

jihoon leads you back towards the cocoa stand and orders two cups, handing one to you. you sip at it slowly, relishing the heat, but still you wonder what jihoon wanted to show you. he takes your hand again, and leads you into one of the empty dugouts, gesturing for you to sit.

“does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks, swallowing a sip of his drink. “i know you must be happy for soyoung, but it must be hard seeing them happy when your own happiness got...ripped away.”

your eyes go wide and you chew your lip before you nod. “it’s not as bad as it used to be though. when him and i first broke up, soyoung wouldn’t let woomin anywhere near me because she was worried seeing her with him would just make me more upset.” you kick at a small pile of snow and sigh. “and i mean, she was right. i was so bitter in the beginning. it’s easier now, i guess, but it’s still…”

“it can be a lot.” jihoon supplies. “i get it.”

you nod, saying nothing. jihoon, just as wordlessly, reaches out for your hand. you lean your head onto his shoulder again and the two of you sit quietly together until jihoon checks the time and tells you that it’s time to go.

much like the talent shows of your childhood, not all of the participants are truly talented, but that’s what makes it fun. interspersed with people who are very good - the magic show is very impressive, actually - but you’re mostly excited to see jihoon. you’re not surprised when the mc announces him as the final act of the night, and you clutch the small stuffed microphone he'd won for you tightly in anticipation. jihoon comes onto the stage and immediately commands attention. he’s changed clothes, and it almost looks like he has makeup on, now. he’s stunning, you think.

and then he settles himself at the piano and begins to sing, and you’re stunned yourself. jihoon’s voice is beautiful, ethereal, and you’re blown away. the melody is soft and sweet, melancholic, and your heart aches. the words are moving and emotional and a little desperate, and your eyes sting with tears against the cold winter air.

he comes back to your small group later, changed back to his clothes from earlier and carrying a few small, plastic parcels in his hands. he hands one to each of you and keeps one for himself, and chuckles nervously. “so. how was it?”

woomin and soyoung give him earnest praise and then he turns to you, sees that your eyes are still wet, and he chuckles again, a very nervous “ha….ha...that bad, huh?”

you shake your head at him and pull him into your arms, wrapping them around his neck and holding tight. “that was beautiful.” you whisper, throat heavy with the threat of tears. “absolutely incredible, jihoon.”

he nods slowly as his arms finally react to your embrace and wrap around your waist. “thank you.” he whispers back. you pull away from him and wipe at your eyes, and his hand reaches out to wipe the trails from your cheeks, a smile on his face.

soyoung and woomin bid the two of you goodnight, and once they’ve gone you turn to jihoon. “how about dinner somewhere indoors?”

he groans and throws his head back, making you laugh. “you have no idea how badly i want that. how does pizza sound?”

“heavenly.”

jihoon takes you to the pizza place he likes to go to after work, a small place nestled among coffee shops and fashion stores. it smells incredible, and better yet is how warm it is, both of you shedding layers as you settle into the booth.

you’re both quiet as you eat, savoring both the warmth of the food and that of the restaurant.

“so.” you say as you reach for another slice. “i think today went well.”

jihoon hums, mouth full. he swallows and sips at his coffee before he responds. “i think so too. they both seem pretty convinced.”

you nod. “yeah, but we can’t call it off yet.” you’re about to continue but jihoon sputters something about how he hadn’t been thinking that, and you laugh. “it’s alright, jihoon. i was just kinda...thinking out loud. i think after new years, maybe? sometime after that. then people will feel like we really ‘gave it our best’ and won’t hound us too much.”

“that sounds good.” jihoon nods, though he’s not really paying attention.

“or maybe that’s too soon. the end of january would put as at about a month, but if we go longer, then valentine’s day will come into play. i mean, i dunno, i guess having someone to fake-date for valentine’s would be nice.” you trail off and take a bite of your pizza. when you look up, you notice jihoon staring at you, eyes soft. you raise your eyebrows at him, and he’s so surprised at having been caught that he chokes, seemingly on nothing.

“i - i um - we can do this as long as you think is necessary, i guess?” he takes a sip from his water, takes a deep breath, and continues. “i’m not exactly beating them off with a stick, so to speak.”

you hum, playing with a napkin. “i’ll keep that in mind, i guess. do you have plans for new years?”

jihoon shakes his head. “not yet, i assumed woomin and soyoung would be doing a thing again and i’d go to that. unless you wanted to do something?”

“no,” you wave him off, “i had the same idea, actually. besides, it’ll be good for us to go out together, you know? ‘couple style’.” he laughs at your air quotes and you laugh too. you like being with jihoon. it feels comfortable.

he drives you home and without thinking, you take his hand. if he seems startled, you miss it, focused instead on picking something from his playlist. he watches you fondly from the corner of his eye, one finger tapping rhythmically against the steering wheel.

he walks you to your door, where you thank him and hug him goodbye.

jihoon walks back to his car, drives home, and sits down on his bed, head in hands. he wonders what you would have done if he’d kissed you.

he shakes the thought from his head, and tries to sleep.

tries.

[missytearex]

To Read List - Narry

This list is purely for myself to keep track of everything I still want to read. Its gonna change as I actually read though them and find more stuff to add.

Find fics I’ve already read here.

Narry

It Feels Like Years by wasp

It's easy to stop thinking, worrying, when he's with Niall, like it's all on instinct. (Community college!AU where basically Niall and Harry fall in love and there's kittens and cuddling for warmth and woo-ing and Liam and Louis are hopeless).

good enough to eat by brokendrums

Niall meets Harry on the set of Masterchef and is instantly attracted to him, even if he is a bit of a dick and far too smug for his own good. He finally cracks his determined exterior and a pretty mind blowing set of blowjobs later they start tentatively seeing each other, only Harry is far too invested in the competition and he just doesn’t have time for distractions like Niall

A MasterChef AU.

does it almost feel like nothing changed at all by estrella30

“You don’t have room to talk,” Louis says, pointing a finger at Harry and narrowing his eyes. “Seeing as how you were seventy five million years late to the meeting today.”

“Well I’m bloody well here now!” Harry shouts. Everyone goes quiet, Zayn even manages to pause whatever Robert Downey Jr. is doing on the telly, and it’s right then, in the middle of the first split second of quiet since Harry arrived that he hears it.

“Wait,” Harry says, cocking his head to the side and listening more closely. “Is that a baby crying?”

OR: Niall gets a baby left w him and Harry moves in to help him take care of her

And Maybe by CharacterDevelopment

“I want to kiss you,” Harry says slowly and nerve-wrackingly honest.

Niall blinks at him. “What?”

“Kissing. I want to kiss you, put our lips together, do the mouth tango, play tonsil hockey—”

Niall interrupts him. “I know what kissing is, Harry.”

“Well, you asked,” Harry says, defensive.

Broken-Hearted Boy by NarryMusings

Niall has watched Harry get his heart broken time after time, again and again. Harry just wants someone to love him. But Niall has always loved him and now that he's finally fed up with Harry not seeing it, Niall tells him.

If We Don't Leave This Town by EvilFriendOfMine

Harry moves to London and begins working at a small bookstore, when a blond-haired, blue-eyed Irishman runs into the store to hide from some no-so-friendly looking men. A relationship sparks but it's anything but easy as Harry has to deal with Niall being a key member of the London Irish Crew, along with his two friends, Louis and Liam. But Niall dreams of getting out one day and taking his friends and Harry with him, but leaving is a lot harder than any of them ever thought it would be.

a little drop for me by littlemissmeggie

Niall was amazed how much had changed in a year, how it didn’t hurt anymore. He’d been drowning in heartache and pain for months and suffocated by the weight of his sorrow.

And then he’d met Harry and been scared and heartbroken again, worried to love and hesitant to be loved. But Harry hadn’t left. He’d showed Niall what unconditional love—romantic unconditional love—felt like, whether out of naive innocence or stubborn determination, Niall wasn’t sure.

or...

If anyone asked Niall how he thought he would meet the love of his life, he wouldn’t have said that he expected to find him lying naked on the beach when he went for a walk at sunrise while on holiday.

future full of yesterdays by fliptomybside

Niall studies astrophysics, Harry studies Niall.

the parting line by from

Harry and Niall get married for a year to save twelve-thousand jobs (and maybe a couple of lives).

feels like home by outwardbound93

Harry shouldn’t feel so much like a little boy tucked into his sister’s side when he spent most of last night twined around Niall in his bed, competing to see who could get the other off more times. But growing up doesn’t seem to work like that. It’s not a switch that gets flicked, it’s like seeing where you want to go and building yourself a bridge to that place. Sometimes where you end up is nothing like you expected, and sometimes it’s like coming home.

out of the woods by countthestars

“Hi,” the boy says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the counter, body language open in invitation. Niall half expects him to tip his chin up and bare his throat, but instead his smile grows wider, pulling crookedly at his mouth.

Niall's Kitchen by countthestars

Niall and Harry both have youtube cooking channels, and accidentally become rivals. An epistolary fic, of sorts.

must have been the mistletoe by countthestars

“Hey, Harry,” Niall says, voice low and conspiratorial. “Look up.”

“What?” Harry whispers back, because there's a lot to look at up there, blinking lights and boughs of garland and... “is that mistletoe?”

“'Fraid so,” Niall confirms. His lips twitch like he's fighting a smile, but he keeps a straight face as he taps his finger against his mouth. “It's bad luck not to kiss someone underneath mistletoe.”

hold me closer tiny dancer by countthestars

Dancing isn't really Harry's strong suit. Niall doesn't really care.

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows by KelliDiane

Unlike other kids of successful, wealthy parents Harry isn't skating by on good looks. Nor is he fifty piña coladas deep in Hawaii. Instead he spends his time learning, whether it's by reading a mountain of texts or hands on at his father's lab. There's an unspoken understanding between his father and himself that he'll take control of the company when his father no longer can. Harry would rather be well versed when he does, science really does interest him. If it interests him because it's genuinely cool or if it interests him because his father pays some kind of attention to him, well.

or

Another superpowers fic that nobody asked for.

remember that time on the bus by estrella30

“Yeah, sure,” Harry says. He smiles and shrugs happily. “I’m good with that.” He gestures to himself on the couch. “You want to like—like now?”

“No! Not now, I mean. One day. In the future.” Niall chews on his thumb and shrugs. “When we’re bored or something.”

Harry snorts a quiet laugh. Only Niall would think shagging a mate would be a good way to kill some time when bored on the bus.

Well. All right. It’s not as if the thought’s never crossed Harry’s mind.

or: harry and niall start shagging

stay, stay, stay. . . (stay.) by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)

Niall keeps a gun by the bed now.

Harry doesn't think Niall knows he knows.

OR an au of the on the streets/gangland type description, drug and alcohol use, violence offscreen, past rough sex (barely mentioned), romantic sex (because we need both sides), somewhat discussed unprotected sex, guns and being shot at and shot, and minor character death (because its a gangland fic and i'm sorry?)

show me by zouee

"i was thinking..." harry begins, scratching the back of his neck hesitantly. he feels niall's eyes on him and his cheeks start to feel hot. "what if we made a sex tape?"

the one where niall and harry are roommates who are close to broke, and are desperate to do anything for money.

high on a pleasure wheel by brokendrums

Niall wakes up the morning after the Billboard Awards married to Harry. Too hungover to face the media storm, he takes up Harry’s offer to drive him home to LA.

the taste was sweeter by brokendrums

On his 18th birthday, Niall travels into the future and ends up meeting his 24 year old self.

only talk about a bruise by brokendrums

With the eclipse fast approaching, the pack is thrown into crisis. New to it all, Harry tries to find his place.

see me in a new light by brokendrums

Niall joins the production team for Planet Earth II and Harry has an interesting proposition.

my remedy for yesterday by brokendrums

It’s been three years since One Direction finally parted ways. Three long years where Niall’s stayed away from home on a never ending holiday. Three years since he’s seen Harry in the flesh and not just splashed across the tabloids or overplayed on the radio.

Niall’s just docked his boat in Ibiza, ready to soak up the sun, when an unexpected accident brings Harry into his life again. And while Niall recuperates on Harry’s patch of sandy white beach old feelings start to emerge, not all of them pleasant.

If we dream forever, whatever happens next by brokendrums

Niall meets Harry on the train and can't stop thinking about him. Then one evening when they get off the train, Harry invites him back to his.

all of the places i ain't ever been by theamazingpeterparker

Harry takes his dinner back to his bedroom, determined to chip away at his book that he came here to write. He’s not sure what it really is yet but he knows he wants it to be in the countryside, maybe a love story without the distractions of a city or a corporate job or a huge population to get in the way.

Or, Harry rents a room on a farm in exchange for working as a farmhand.

something softer than us by theamazingpeterparker

He almost told him then, leaning forward like the thought hit him with enough force that he'd say it out loud. He had bit his tongue, let Niall carry on his explanation against the backdrop of a setting sun across the river from the ballpark. Harry supposes then that he'd loved Niall for a long time now, anyway.

Niall's cat's name is Lunchbox, Louis has definitely been in love, Zayn won't shut up about the Antonine Plague, and Harry doesn't know how to tell Niall that he's in love with him.

dear, i'm always running towards you by goreallegore

He blocks it all out, the cheers, the profanities of overzealous fans from the opposing team, and focuses on one thing, a soft gravelly voice, “Good things take time.”

Or; Niall plays for FC Barcelona, and Harry's a photographer.

a better beginning by goreallegore

Zayn and Liam are attached to the hip, Louis is always putting his foot where it's not needed, and Niall and Harry are ever so quietly in love.

a rising tide like an hour glass by goreallegore

Harry climbs over him, his legs slotting on either sides of Niall, his body flush against Niall’s. He nibbles on Niall’s lowerlip, then licks the seam of his mouth and causes him to elicit a soft - needy - moan. No feelings in the Glade, Niall remembers. Or, he doesn’t. It’s all kind of a haze to be honest.

Or; Niall and Harry are runners.

cook up a recipe for my beating heart by goreallegore

“So, what say wanna live with me? I’ll cook Sunday breakfasts,” Niall says.

“And I’ll make your favorite pastry,” Harry replies.

“Tarte Tartin.” Cause that’s what their love is. A bit of sour and sweet.

Or; Niall and Harry cook.

can't believe I captured your heart by goreallegore

Niall shrugs, “thanks, couldn’t bear living on campus after freshmen year. So moved in here my second year with me mate.”

Harry nods, pausing to repeat Niall’s words in his head, “wait, you’re not a second year?” Please don’t say senior. Please.

“Third year.” Thank god.

Harry sighs in relief, “so ready for the movie?”

Or; Niall likes movies. And Harry is just trying to figure himself out.

baby, we're like a time bomb by goreallegore

“You know that frown thing doesn’t suit you. Look like a lost pug or summat,” he chuckles, his grip tight on the steering wheel.

“I like pugs,” Harry answers simply, and Niall has to turn and look at the boy next to him and it really shouldn’t surprise him because he has known this since day one, but Harry is beautiful. Even the frown that has found a new home on his always smiling face looks pretty – could call it painfully beautiful.

“I do too, though, I like happy ones. Don’t you?” he prods, and that does it as he turns, again, to find a smiling Harry, “there it is. I knew there was something missing.”

Harry ducks his head, avoiding Niall’s gaze, “you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Flirting.”

Or; there are timers, but Harry and Niall are too in love to care.

the whole world is sleeping, but my world is you by goreallegore

“Say if I were to leave for forever, would it be okay?”

Niall reaches for Harry’s hand, intertwining their fingers as if the gaps between their fingers were made to be filled by each other, “Only if it makes you happy. ‘Sides, I’d probably follow you to ends of time. Can’t afford losing me best mate.” A slight blush decorates Niall’s cheeks and the dim lighting of the room makes the boy look – ethereal, Harry thinks. Harry is completely endeared by the sight before him.

Or; Harry lives his dreams and Niall helps him save them.

the name forever on my lips is yours by goreallegore

“What did you forget?” his voice was small, Niall was afraid that Harry might’ve not heard him but the look on his face said the opposite.

“I never clearly told you how I feel about you,” Harry stopped to pull out a journal from his back pocket, “I wrote about it you see.” He was holding a battered moleskin that seemed like it had ink all over it. Niall had seen it before but never dared to ask what it was; but now that Harry stood in front of him shyly flipping through the pages, he realized what it was. Niall felt like he was running short on air.

Or; Niall is a modern day Prince and Harry is no damsel in distress.

First Person by Gorgeous Nerd (gorgeousnerd)

Harry doesn't know why Niall wants to see him when he loses a year of memories. But Harry can't go anywhere else.

Follow You Through The Dark by disarm_d

Harry discovers that Niall is a vampire and has some valid concerns.

the mad ones (pool party remix) by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

Harry buys a car in NYC = OT5 road trip to LA. 24-hour diners, shit hotels, Polaroids, golf, line dancing, and too many people in the backseat: this is what dreams are made of.

Christmas Wishes by narrywings

Harry's hoping to go home for a quiet Christmas - but everything gets derailed when Niall calls unexpectedly.

It's Christmas. That Means We Have To Hold Hands. by holyzarrialltrinity

"As the day went on, Niall started worrying less about the way he felt. All he knew is that being around Harry made him feel happy. And being with him in the best city on Earth was even better. It made him forget for a moment about all the stuff back home. He just wanted to be with Harry for however long they had. There was some unspoken romance happening between the two of them and they both could tell. But instead of words, they just held hands really tight."

Niall hates his family. Harry barely has one. But when you spend time with someone new in the greatest city in the world, there's always room for a little change in your life.

love actually is all around by storuns

A small smile appears on Harry’s face and he scoots closer to Niall, resting his head on his shoulder. Niall wraps his arm around him and moves his hand up to rub his shoulder, earning a couple of coos from Louis and Liam across the table. Harry laughs and throws French fries at both of them. He looks up at Niall and grins as he watches him throw his head back in laughter. For some reason, a warm feeling overwhelms his chest and he feels like hugging Niall tightly and kissing all over his face. But, of course, he has control and all he can do is imagine it in his head.

Or the one where Harry and Niall go to Mullingar for Christmas, and stuff happens.

Time Has Brought Your Heart to Me by fakeheaux

Harry meets Niall, and feels a connection, so he gets to know him just a bit more.

Or the one where Harry and Niall are soulmates.

hear this heartbeat breaking through by acastle

He feels another shock of warmth, much more intense, much more overwhelming, as he looks at him. Watches Bailey cling on to this person tightly, laughing as he’s lifted off the ground. He doesn’t know how to describe it, but he’s sure. Very sure, that it is a positive feeling. He doesn’t know how to react to it, really.

(In which Harry is an amateur boxer, raising his son on his own after the hardest few months of his life, then he meets the piano teacher with a beautiful heart.)

a rush inside i can't control by dramaturgicallycorrect

all seems to stay for as long as he can -- that what it feels like to Harry, like Niall’s only ever there until he can’t be there anymore, until something’s tugging him away and he has to follow. Every day he seems to be able to stay longer, sometimes up to hours at a time before he’s tugged away. Every time he goes, Niall leaves his glasses on the kitchen table like a promise.

[Or Harry’s rented a cabin by the woods in Mullingar to write his new album and he doesn’t know that both of his muses are Niall.]

the world still turns by dramaturgicallycorrect

It’s not like he’s not seen any of them over the last eighteen months -- he has – but certainly not all once, not like the way it used to be. Not even the 2015 Way It Used To Be, because even before Zayn left they’d all pretty much tried to do their own thing. Like Just Starting Out Way It Used To Be when they were too scared to let go of each other because they didn’t have anybody else.

Niall had always had his family and the crew and all, but most days it felt like it was just the five of them and nobody else. And the world was laid out in front of them for the taking and they didn’t know who they were or who they wanted to be. Some days Niall still doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be and he thinks that’s just as comforting as it is terrifying.

You’re not supposed to have it all figured out by age 23. He thinks people forget that sometimes.

[Or Niall organizes a lads’ holiday to see if they still fit.]

let's start right now by dramaturgicallycorrect

He turns to Harry. “Do you mind, like. Can I take a picture of your driver’s license?”

“Yeah,” Harry says easily, fishing his wallet out and presenting him with a California license to match his California plates. He has got an LA address, Niall notes as he snaps a picture. He’s got longer hair in this picture, waving down to brush his shoulders, a far sight from the short crop he's got now. It looks just as good on him, he notes almost subconsciously.

He texts the picture to Louis as Harry puts the license away, give this to the police if I go missing ..

What have you done Neil?? comes Louis’ answer quickly, but Niall ignores it, looks up to find Harry looking back at him.

“It’ll be fun.”

“Promise?”

Harry tilts his head. “I never make promises. You’ll just have to trust me.”

[Or Harry's a professional cross country road trip driver, and Niall is his latest fare.]

call this what you like by dramaturgicallycorrect

“Who was that?” Laura asks, something sly on her face that Niall quite wishes she’d wipe off.

It twists Niall’s stomach anyway, to say, “My mate Harry,” when the truth of it is mates aren’t supposed to catch your breath in your chest talking to them.

He doesn’t know what to do with the feeling, so he presses it away, deep into that box of other nasty feelings he doesn’t want, the ones that haunt him, the you’re never going to get a gig, the you’re going to end up alone.

The thing is, it doesn’t feel like a nasty feeling. It feels like something he should explore instead of hide, because it feels good. But he’s felt it, maybe just once or twice before, and nothing good’s ever come of it. Not a single person’s understood. So Niall locks it up tight and swears he’ll lose the key.

[Or Harry’s looking for love in all the wrong places, and Niall’s not meant to be looking at all.]

only fools rush in by darlingjustdont

niall holds up his hand to show off the band, unthinkingly pushed onto his fourth finger. harry stares at it. “i woke up with it on my thumb.” “did i get one?” says harry, now staring at his own hands. there’s a simple silver ring on his left hand. “oh fuck, i did. holy fuck, niall. i think we got married.”

a post-zayn, non-hiatus au where niall and harry accidentally get married in vegas. it's a bit problematic, mostly because niall's been in love with harry for a long time.

once in your life by wearecities (falsetto)

There’s a moment of silence where Harry considers just passing out right there, head hanging off the bed, because the alcohol’s finally catching up to him in the most unpleasant way. “When we’re thirty?”

“When we’re thirty.” Harry repeats. His eyelids are slowly drooping closed, fingers going slack around the beer he’s clutching. He’s just slipping over the edge when there’s the rustle of material and he squints open one eye to look at Niall.

"We’ve done stupider things.” Niall shrugs.

Niall and Harry make a marriage pact.

and we're starting at the end by dessertmeltdown

The first time Harry sees Niall he's bouncing around bootcamp with a guitar.

See You Later, Boy by marcel

One day, Niall runs Harry over with a skateboard.

Maybe With Me by threeturn

Harry tries to help Niall hook up. Set during the American leg of the TMH tour.

Turn all your grey skies blue. by mogigraphia

Niall's a new single dad, and Harry's his daughter's teacher at the daycare.

it’s kind of our routine by somerdaye

Niall only gets to kiss Harry on New Year’s, and does not in any way want more than that. Really.

You and I Misbehaving by BlackWave

Harry and Niall bake and fail to be proper human adults.

Everything Comes Back To You by Narryornarry

Niall and Harry go to Mullingar, and fall in love in the process.

a true thing by from

NYC, December 2014. Nothing lasts, especially not a shared tub of cereal milk ice cream, but they’re Harry and Niall, and they'll move on with the new.

find a way out of myself again by mozartspiano

harry can't go home so he makes a new one.

AU set in montreal, canada.

Mastering the Art of Friends Cooking by el_em_en_oh_pee

Niall has spent years of practice preparing for his appearance on the Next Food Network Star. He expected his life to change as a result of it - just not quite in this way.

Always Wanna Blow Your Mind by jibrailis

Harry accidentally buys a ring that gives him special sex powers. It’s terribly confusing for everyone involved.

Uncertainty Principle by jibrailis

He didn’t expect this: Australia, the vineyard, and Niall who won’t look him in the eye.

and show me why you deserve to have it all by intherubble

Genetics could go eat a dick as far as Harry is concerned. He just wishes he still had one. (written January 2012)

I Can Be Your New Addiction by estrella30

And that’s another problem. Harry is way too aware of Niall right now to get entirely comfortable. He’s just…

Niall is just there – right there – and Harry is having all sorts of ridiculous thoughts about him.

days grow on colorful trees by criminiallar

He’ll miss nights when they scroll through their phones side by side and Skype with their friends from opposite sides of the room, and he’ll miss leaning over whenever the mood strikes him, nudging his nose against Harry’s jogging bottoms that he’s taken to wearing around the house and looking up with a hopeful grin and Harry leaning back on his elbows with a flourish of his hands before he tips over, smiling at the ceiling with a, “Have at it, then.”

Happy Genius Heroes by BlackWave

Niall is an aspiring evil genius (who isn't very evil at all). Harry is his pretty assistant. Liam is the visiting friend and Louis and Zayn are meddlesome superheroes.

it's the way we are together by roofpizza

Harry leans against the shelf and opens his mouth to say something witty and probably super sexy when Niall interrupts him with a snort. “Do those kinds of lines get you anywhere?”

“Most of the time,” Harry shrugs, and it’s true, because he has quite a bit of charm, and it tends to work in his favor, despite his cheesy lines. “I’m charming.”

“I suppose you are,” Niall laughs, and Harry can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.

you don't need me anymore by outwardbound93

Rain riddles the sea like bullets and the dark storm clouds hang just above ceiling height, but Niall doesn’t have the panicky crushed feeling he sometimes gets. The little house feels cozy with his baby asleep in the next room and Harry’s lip jutting out in a pout.

Or, Niall becomes a dad.

hold on by outwardbound93

Funny, Niall thinks, that for all their success ordinary terrible things happen to them just like anybody else. Girlfriends get tired of the fans or get panicked about too much commitment, and bandmates slip going into the pool and lose five years’ worth of memories.

i sing you like a song i heard when i was young by disequilibrium

Niall never thought he’d find his way back home. But then, the wind works in mysterious ways: a stranger at the door, an impossible escape. A whisper that changes everything, forever, again.

always be your boy by saysthemagpie

In retrospect, becoming part of the world’s biggest boy band might not have been the smartest move for someone with Niall’s 'special condition,' what with the whole never-aging thing and the insatiable thirst for human blood.

Niall's a vampire. Harry's his human boyfriend. Harry thinks he should probably become a vampire, too.

Sad Blue Eyes by Mcwarr

“To the rest of the world, Harry had no qualms with being an absolute asshole but when it came to Niall, all bets were off.”

the one with all the football by irishmizzy, miss_bennie

Senior year was supposed to be the best ever – that is, until Louis goes through a breakup over the summer and Zayn starts acting weird. With everything falling apart, Niall, Liam, and Harry are doing their best to keep it together, but it’s easier said than done. If nothing else, at least Niall’s got Harry.

[2015 One Direction as told through an American College AU]

and you know in your heart it'll be worth it by outwardbound93

“At home, we sleep on the,” he points at the ceiling. “The top, so we don’t float away.”

Niall laughs. “The ceiling, you mean?” He traces the line of Harry’s dimple. “I figured you slept inside a castle, like in the pictures of what Atlantis looked like.”

“I doubt that’s accurate,” Harry says. He palms Niall’s thigh, running his hand down to his knee, where he pauses to feel out the unfamiliar bones with his fingertips. “Otters sleep holding hands so they won’t drift apart, did you know that?”

“What, are you an otter?” Niall asks.

“No, but it might not be too bad,” Harry says. He lays his head to rest on Niall’s chest, over his heart. His fingers tangle with Niall’s in the sheets, his skin tanned and smooth, Niall’s pale and scarred.

"Eh,” Niall says. “It’s not too bad, I guess.”

We Could Be Enough by balefully

One Direction reconvenes after two years at Niall's cabin in Connemara for Christmas. Niall and Harry haven't spoken during the break, but they relearn each other and fall into something they never expected.

Super Beautiful Sex Machine by jibrailis

Niall Horan, porn star.

you're the truth i can't explain by takesmeunder

When Harry gets hired to be Niall Horan's celebrity photographer, he's expecting a learning experience and a chance to see the world. Determined to keep his business and personal lives separate, Harry tries desperately to keep things professional. The last thing he's expecting is to fall for a rockstar.

Relatable Content by makesomelove

Harry glances down at the floor, then up at Niall, lip curling up in a bashful smirk. Niall wants terribly to kiss him. The opportunity is right there in front of him, and it's the worst idea in the entire world.

It would reach the press. He'd be in the news - CEO and Founder of BeepFodder Niall Horan Sexually Manipulates Underlings. His mum has an alert for him on her computer and she'd see it and have a heart attack. They'd lose sponsors. Even if they didn't publish the footage, it'd still exist. It all still would have happened. Harry would know Niall likes him. The thought of the most vulnerable spots in his heart being captured on film and shown to millions of people makes Niall sick. Going through with this in a legitimate way would ruin his life no matter what.

in the golden afternoon by bisousniall

Niall can talk to flowers, but his life is pretty uncomplicated despite this. Until Harry shows up.

A Spell That Can't Be Broken (orphan_account)

He hears the people around them whisper, saying that he's got this boy under a tragic spell. Niall thinks they've got it all wrong. It's him who's caught under Harry's spell.

[Niall's a witch, Harry doesn't know this, and it's all on Niall if this blows up in his face.]

watch you on the red horizon by littlecather

“Just us,” he murmurs. “If - we’re talking about, like. Always.”

Harry nods. “Just us,” he repeats, voice a cracked whisper.

It's 2018, a year after One Direction has ended. Niall and Harry may or may not accidentally become soul mates.

Yoga To Be Joking by mdashes

The tags explain everything, I think. (Yoga, Autofellatio)

slow and steady (your hand fits in mine) by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

Niall slips the case shut, running his fingers along the top until they reach the handle. “Would you come with me?”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “Right now, or in general?”

Niall decides to humor him. “In general.”

“Always.”

---

Or: Their first Christmas since the accident, and Harry promises to take care of Niall.

i'll pull you closer by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

“You’re a fish,” Harry says.

“Am not.”

“You have a tail.”

“ ‘m not a fish.” Niall sounds vaguely affronted. “I’m a siren.”

“Uh huh. Care to elaborate on that?” Harry snips.

“Well,” Niall says thoughtfully, “I’m supposed to seduce you with my voice, lure you in, and then viciously devour your flesh.”

till you know that the words are right by el_em_en_oh_pee

Somehow, at this stage in his career, waking up with breasts and a vagina on the morning of the biggest show of his life doesn't even seem that comparatively weird to Niall.

Welcome to the Jungle by peerpressure

Harry, Louis and Zayn are in a band (it's not an indie band and definitely not a tribute band).

Harry falls in love with Niall a little too hard and a little too fast. It's not very punk rock.

we're on fire now by leitmotifs (orphan_account)

In which Harry and Niall are two of the best spies in the world, except maybe not really, because they're enemies and one is not supposed to fraternize with the enemy, but it keeps happening anyway. Liam is very exasperated.

i won't be on my own by sakabelle

Harry takes a quick trip back to London to care for his ailing boyfriend.

Benefits by sakabelle

It begins at Jay and Dan's wedding. It's supposed to be a laugh, really. Niall and Harry showing up there together because they've got no one else to bring.

It continues because Niall's always got to have some sort of fling going on whenever they're home from the tour. It's just that Harry never expected that he'd be one of those flings.

Holding Me Hostage by sakabelle

Niall Horan is content to keep to himself for his thirteen month prison sentence. He's content to stay out of trouble. Content to do his time and get out. But within the walls of HM Forest Bank, everyone's got a secret. Everyone's got a purpose. Everyone's got to get through their time somehow.

Which is how Niall finds himself with a lot more problems than he ever had on the outside.

To the Stars by sakabelle

The last place Niall Horan wanted to be was a first class passenger on the Titanic, headed to America. His father was forcing him into a life he didn’t want, full of business meetings and ritzy parties. Simply put, he was miserable.

Until he met Harry Styles. A passenger in steerage who would turn his entire life upside down.

A Titanic movie AU.

Piccadilly by anb123

Based on this prompt: fic where niall is a famous pop star who takes the tube every chance he can get, mostly because it’s one aspect of his life that makes him feel more normal and harry’s the cute college student who also takes the tube, has absolutely no clue who niall is, so when niall grins at him from the other side of the car, harry just thinks niall’s a normal lad flirting with him by niallharold on Tumblr.

Famous Niall & uni student Harry meet on the tube. Life ensues.

show me your love (orphan_account)

niall and harry go to las vegas as best friends and go home married.

and if it's quite alright, you could be my way of life by lizzybean

A comfy cozy, post break up, slightly golf!AU where Harry fills all the cracks and gaps left in Niall's heart.

A Slide Into First by siempreniall

Niall's a minor league star baseball player, Harry's in love with him, Liam makes really good hot dogs, Louis's a mascot wrench, and Zayn shows up to pull everything together.

Love Muffins by alexenglish

A story about something at first sight. In which Niall didn't call, Harry stress bakes, Louis meddles, Zayn and Liam are... Zayn and Liam, and everything works out in the end.

What's A Fella T' Do? by iwanna_seeyou_undoit

Pretend!Boyfriends AU where Harry doesn't own any trousers that don't have holes in them, Niall is the only one who can drive, and they definitely aren't shagging.

take me with you by outwardbound93

“I’m dating Niall,” Harry blurts out in the middle of their interview with Scott Mills. Liam’s, Louis’s, and Scott’s heads all swing around to him. Niall doesn’t so much as blink.

If it's torn we can stitch it up by ifzi0531

Niall shifts his feet nervously. He still doesn’t know if this is the right decision but he stares back at the small name card in his hand. “Hi, it’s Niall. The one from juvie. You gave me your card, and asked me to call you if I ever needed your help.”

“Hi, Niall! What can I do for you? Are you in trouble again?”

Niall shakes his head like he always does when people are asking him questions. It’s what he does, giving them non-verbal answers. But then he realizes he’s talking through the phone, so he speaks out loud again. “I-,” Niall trails off, tightening his grip on the phone. He stares at the ground, hoping that the ground would swallow him. “My mum kicked me out of the house.”

or

The Orange County (O.C) AU

how to make two lovers of friends by petals

The first time they meet, they hate each other. Or, Harry hates Niall. The second time they meet, Niall doesn't remember Harry. He says he did. The third time they meet, they become friends. They're friends for a long time. And then they're not. And then they fall in love.

Or a When Harry Met Sally au

My Kiss Can Mend Your Broken Heart by PigSlay

After Zayn leaves the band, Niall withdraws into his head. He tries his best to keep up appearances (both in public and in front of the boys) but it's not hard to notice when he falters. Harry is the first one to do something about it.

and the history books forgot about us by roofpizza

for the prompt: A timeline of how narry came to be narry from X-Factor bootcamp to the OTRA tour.

or

Niall is having the worst day of his life.

it's not just where you lay your head by disequilibrium

Harry chuckles a little.

“I am. Cry at everything. Sad movies, the lot.”

Niall smiles.

“Yeah, I know.”

And he does know. He’s sort of started to know Harry like the back of his hand. He might even go so far as to say he’s his best friend. And that makes everything else all the more difficult.

friends just sleep in another bed by littlecather

“Just - I’ve just been hanging out with Harry. A lot - slept over a couple of times.”

“You slept over?” Dougie echoes.

"Not like that," Niall rolls his eyes - even though it kind of is.

Tour starts; Niall and Harry grow closer.

Know Your Place by siempreniall

Niall's place in life has changed a lot. He's always left trying to figure out where he truly belongs, with whom he truly belongs. It just takes a few tries and a few life-changing, impossible events for him to get it right.

Everything Comes Back To You by alliecat23784

A canon compliant fic where Harry and Niall are very much in love and manage to keep their relationship strong while both touring the world at the same time.

(And I’m queer for math!) by softly (alexenglish)

No no, we aren’t breaking up! You didn’t let me finish. I’m gay for YOU.

all the time before i knew you by littlemissmeggie

“I’ve heard you like Scrabble,” said Niall. He considered Harry. Maybe Louis was right and he and Harry would make good friends.

“Yeah.” Harry nodded enthusiastically, eyes lighting up. “I go to the Scrabble club at my library.”

“I think I’ve got a Scrabble set round my flat somewhere,” Niall told him. He shrugged and shot Harry a crooked grin. “If you don’t mind playing with a set that’s almost certainly missing a few letters.”

“Oh,” said Harry slowly, understanding seeming to dawn on him. A flicker of something Niall couldn’t identify crossed his face. “Um, that might- that might be a challenge. I’d better- I’ll probably stick with the sets at the library.” He gave Niall a sad, apologetic half-smile. “I should get back to, um, back to wardrobe."

“Don’t be offended,” said Louis, moving closer to Niall. “It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s Grimshaw. Fucking twat.”

Up-and-coming model Harry Styles falls under the charms of his long-time celebrity crush, emotionally manipulative Nick Grimshaw. After some poking and prodding and meddling from his friend Louis, Harry befriends fellow model Niall Horan and soon realises that friendship—and maybe true love—should be a bit more like this.

if I got a condo on a cloud then I guess you can stay at my place (orphan_account)

“I think I can make it. Wait so are we gonna have to hold hands and stuff?” Niall asks Harry and Harry blushes and looks down at his feet awkwardly.

“I- you don’t have too. You can just hover.” --

Harry can't just show up to his sister's wedding where his ex boyfriend is going to be without somebody with him, I mean he can't just loiter around the chocolate fountain. So that's why he enlists Niall's help.

The Wedding Singer by littlecather

It's not that Harry doesn't believe in love, exactly - he just thinks that romance and marriage and all that comes with it are overrated. Niall has sung at over a hundred weddings, and is determined to prove Harry wrong. After all - there's a reason for all those songs.

Frenemies by alteringegoism

Harry hates Niall. Niall hates Harry. But Harry wants Zayn and in order to get to him, he’ll have to go through his best friend Niall. Harry will just have to kill Niall with kindness. That’s if Niall doesn’t kill him first. Oh and Liam and Louis are getting married.

When I Close My Eyes, All the Stars Align by FallingLikeThis

Harry Styles looks out the windowed wall of his penthouse apartment, staring down at the teeming masses that bring life to the streets below. Any one of the people down there could be his soulmate. Or, who knows, his soulmate could be halfway around the world. Or dead already. There’s no way to know, really, since Harry’s affliction is so rare. He bears the soulmate mark. It occurs in maybe one in a million people. He’s one of the chosen few who has one, single person that’s meant for them. Everyone else has the freewill to love whoever they want but if Harry ever hopes to find true love, he’ll have to go through a damn scavenger hunt to get it. And as if that wasn’t enough, he has a time limit.

Or a Beauty and the Beast Au in which Harry's only beastly qualities are his hair and his bad attitude and Niall arrives to spy on him for his sister but ends up staying for so much more.

baby, you don't know what it's like by peerpressure

Harry tries really, really hard to only see Niall as a friend.

It’s not working very well.

Because Niall is simply amazing and Harry is so stunned that he’s even allowed in his presence. And also because he wants to suck his dick. Just a little. But he also wants to cuddle him and maybe share food and fight for blankets and press cold feet against each other and shampoo each other’s hair.

Harry just wants to be with Niall.

(In which Louis is a good friend, Liam is kind, Zayn is always stressed, Niall is the new guy and Harry falls in love)

let's spin the world around by jamesniall

"Superlatives are just about putting the word más before an adjective or a sustantive. Like más grande which means bigger, or más fuerte, which means harder" Niall says, looking pointedly at Harry and Harry is 99% sure he's doing it on purpose.

"más rápido means faster" Niall continues, "Are you getting hard from this, Harry?" and if Harry would have had something in his mouth he would have spilled it all over Niall's face.

Or, Harry learns spanish thanks to Niall's dirty talk.

Maybe You're My Snowflake by pintsandguitars

Harry Styles loves the snow. Niall Horan loves the stars. And somewhere between snowflakes and night skies, they start loving each other.

For Rayvans: Uni! au where Harry doesn't have anywhere to go for Christmas break, so his roommate Niall invites him to spend the holidays with him. (bonus if they end up sharing a bed in Niall's small childhood room).

A head for business and a body for sin by flickerbyniall

He first time he caught Harry’s eyes was about an hour ago, the boy was eating some strawberries from the buffet table around the corner, oblivious to the fact he was standing out in the crowd with his rebellious look.

or Harry goes to a Gala and can't take his eyes off the boy wearing a leather jacket.

Searching by littlecather

Niall has been hired by a magazine to track each employee's searches on Google. Harry uses Google a lot.

wide open spaces by outwardbound93

“Well,” Harry says at the end of the day. The sun sets late in Texas like it doesn’t want to go, clinging to the scrubby flatlands with the last reaches of striped sunbeams. Niall leans on the broom and watches Harry fidget with a bundle of notecards he has to fill with peoples’ heartfelt sentiments. Love notes, apologies, get-well-soons, Harry’s got them all. “Will I see you tomorrow, then?”

Niall props the broomstick against a shelf holding a bunch of little green plants he doesn’t know the name of. The shop is bursting with green leaves, colorful blossoms like pops of candy mixed with buttered popcorn at the movie theatre, and at the heart of it, Harry. Harry, with his languid speech and that one curl that stubbornly sticks out on the side of his head that Niall always wants to twirl around his finger and that smile that arrives in a flash or unfurls slowly.

“Yeah,” says Niall. “I’ll be here.”

this could be the end of everything by basementhero

The Norns remembered each cycle of time and would recount the tale if asked: Harry and Niall were not the first of their kind, nor was it the world’s first attempt at existence. Some cycles were short while other stretched on for tens or hundreds or thousands of millennia. It was always the same in the end, though, no matter how many intervening years it took to get there. Baldr always fell; the giants always attacked, and the realms of Yggdrasil—the world tree—were always plunged back into the void after Ragnarök, waiting for rebirth.

But not everything was so set in stone; at least, it didn’t seem to be.

(or: Niall and Harry are immortal deities, but even gods are subject to fate.)

We Could Be The Ones Who Matter by jibrailis

Harry and Niall both get weirdly intense about things, and by things, they mean competitive Scrabble.

lovesick boys will write you lovesongs by narryblossom

When Niall walks through the gate at Dublin Airport at four in the morning, jet lagged to hell and back, he feels like he’s home. He thinks he’s never felt so happy to hear an Irish accent, and he certainly has never been so happy to have no fucking clue what he’s doing.

(Well, he has some idea of what he’s doing, he just isn’t sure it’s going to work out the way it does in his head.)

(An AU where Niall dreams of his lost love and finds himself going home to search for him.)

let yourself be enchanted by acastle

“Which means, I’ve got a Charms post to fill. And do you know who he suggested for the job?”

Harry doesn’t trust the wide beam on his face, and Louis goes on, “Well, he’d told me about this bloke. Class of 2011, student rank number three but top at Charms of his class, Hufflepuff, prefect, atrocious Quidditch player, but he makes a great treacle tart-”

“He suggested me?” Harry says blankly.

(Hogwarts and co-teachers AU, all in one.)

Along the Way (Something Changed ) by catrinahart

For the last five years, singer turned actor, Harry Styles has had Niall by his side to help manage his incredibly crazy life. They met and quickly became the best of friends. Then people start asking questions, making Harry think, what do they see that he doesn't?

and days gone by by outwardbound93

Niall catches himself glancing at Harry in the backseat. The tops of buildings are lined with Christmas lights like the iced piping on a gingerbread house, and the crisp sharp light of a winter night makes Harry’s skin look warm and soft.

riverina by outwardbound93

Harry looks up at Niall, the sharp, almost antique lines of his face thrust into regal beauty by the stadium lights. Harry’s ribs press against the size of his heart.

Or, a royalty!au where Niall's a prince and Harry's the reporter that writes about him.

let me photograph you in this light by storhan

“I like that one,” he says, turning the camera back around to show Harry the picture he took earlier that day of Niall reading. Harry also finds himself smiling, he quite likes that one too.

“Me too,” Harry says softly.

Or, Harry's a photography major and Niall is his muse.

something so magic about you by storhan

Niall's a single father and Harry's his neighbor who never seems to wear a shirt.

St-st-stuttering by asaprockme

In which Harry has a stutter that he just can't control. Niall doesn't mind.

I'm not trying to stop you, love by littlecather

If we're gonna do anything, we might as well just ...

Niall and Harry are the only ones left on campus over the Christmas holidays, and even though they've never really hung out before, they manage to spend most of the week holed up in Harry's room, together.

the piano man’s playing some old melody by littlervoice

Harry is a piano player. One day his neighbour puts in a request.

Do you want to come to the gym? by maxette

Niall is Harry's personal trainer: a romantic comedy without the middle forty-five minutes of misunderstandings.

running around in love again by mozartspiano

they meet at a coffee shop on valentine's day. it's all a horrible cliche.

You Feel Like Home (You're Like a Dream Come True) by roughvoiced

Niall sighs and unwraps the scarf from around his neck. "A plus one," he repeats. "I need one."

“For what?” Harry asks, watching as Niall unzips his coat, letting it slip off his arms and drop to a rumpled pile on the carpet before slipping off his shoes and striding over to Harry, plonking himself down on the sofa beside him and snuffling up under his arm, waiting for Harry to pull him in close before he speaks.

“Greg’s wedding.”

or, the au where Harry offers to be Niall's plus one and ends up with a whole lot more than he bargained for.

Another Auld Lang Syne by colbyjack

"We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now. And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, But neither one knew how.”

-

Harry and Niall are old flames who eventually find each other again, of course, because the universe doesn’t want to give up on them.

Stacked Against You by siempreniall

Niall hates the library. All of the computers are always taken, the stacks make him feel claustrophobic, and his short attention span has never given itself well to studying anyways. The cute boy at the information desk makes it all worth it, though.

i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by siempreniall

Niall doesn’t know what he’s still doing there. This isn’t really how he likes to spend his Sunday nights. He doesn’t want to be yelled at and made to feel guilty for something that happened months ago. All he wants is to leave, really.

heartbreak hero by acastle

“So you want me to hear your side of things?"

"Yes, that would be a start."

"Fine,” Niall steps forward, so he and Harry are practically nose to nose. “Come back tomorrow at 8, so you can air your side of the situation on my segment.”

In which Niall is a love guru of sorts on the radio, who thinks love is the bane of the world, and Harry is a fuckboy who’s lovely, surely, but is not the best boyfriend in the world, not by a long shot. His girl breaks up with him while on air with Niall, and Harry isn’t having that, so he forces Niall to help him win her back.

(Alternatively, Niall’s Guide On How to Win Back the Girl, patent pending. It should work, in theory.)

Home is Wherever I'm with You by ziamfcks

Niall is blind and Harry works in a coffeeshop. It's love from the start.

Intensified by Absence by littlecather

Niall smiled, the action uncontrollable. “Hey, time traveller,” he said softly.

Harry blanched, his eyes growing a little wide, but he cocked his head to the side with confusion. “Hello,” he said, holding out his hand across the back of his seat for Niall to shake. “I’m Harry. What’s your name?”

The Time Traveller's Wife AU.

My Dearest Love by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)

His teeth hurt. Ached really. Like this thrumming underneath the veneer that wouldn't cease. Wouldn't be calmed no matter how many pain meds he's taken, no matter how much oil of clove he's rubbed onto them.

His dreams. His dreams were strange, too. Bloody, but without violence. Just a warm, wet, thick feel to them. And red. So much red.

He should have expected it. Should have made plans, sought guidance, kept himself away but. . . .

He’d never been to good at any of those things. Especially the last.

hands that hold me by lostgirl152

Niall was always too interested in Harry's hands

6,359 miles by acastle

“Why, why’d he send me that?” Harry murmurs, and Nick looks up from the screen. “What does he want me to do? I don’t-”

“Idiot,” he flicks his phone back to him. “Make a reservation. He wants you to go there.”

(Niall and Harry were sleeping together, until they aren’t, and then Niall disappears into a tiny island in the East. Then he asks Harry to follow him.)

i forget where we were by littlecather

“You,” he says thickly, swallowing. “You don’t - you don’t remember.”

“Not the last three years,” Harry tells him simply. “Sorry. What was your name?”

“Niall,” he mutters, face suddenly dark. “I’m Niall, I’m Liam’s assistant."

Harry wakes up to find he has retrograde amnesia and a perfect life - seemingly.

he is the lamb, she is the slaughter by trishapocalypse

“Niall, what did you do to me?” Harry repeated, quieter, slower than normal, and he looked up at Niall from under his eyelashes.

Niall froze, reaching a hand up to rub at his eyes, blinking rapidly as he stared at Harry. “What’s that?”

“This?” he asked, gesturing towards his chest. “Oh, you know, just breasts!” he snapped, picking up the pillow and throwing it back at Niall. “What did you do to me?!”

(Or: the one where Harry wakes up a girl and it's clearly NIall's fault.)

Through the Screen by sunshineflying

In his free time, Niall Horan likes to subscribe to his favourite camboy, Harry Cox. When he moves to uni he's not sure how he'll manage to watch the weekly show with a roommate. Things become even more complicated with that roommate is the one and only camboy of his dreams - Harry.

The Whole Shebang by BakerGrey

Niall lives life like it’s a daydream, Harry’s just in love, and Zayn’s painting pictures of Louis’s boyfriend.

laughin' loud on a carnival ride by el_em_en_oh_pee

Harry looks around the fairground. They’ve already done the putt-putt - Harry got tripped up by the windmill, but Niall almost lost his ball at the clown hole because he didn’t want to look straight at it - and the zipper and the gravitron and the spinning teacups. The Ferris wheel looms, past the inflatable slides and the yo-yo, and he wants to go to that, he does, but - Ferris wheels are always romantic in the movies, and Harry isn’t sure that Niall wants romantic from this. “Funnel cakes?” he suggests, instead.

i have lightning by sarcangel

“Have you ever eaten a raw olive?” Harry asks. Niall can actually taste them on his breath, green and briny, mixed with vodka and actual bitters; Harry still needs to breathe to live, after all, and still has no concept of personal space.

in the lonely cool before dawn by mozartspiano

Niall is the Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House. Harry is his assistant.

A West Wing!AU.

like your favourite tune by words_unravel

It's just another summer for Harry - an unexpected flat mate, Louis being an idiot, and Liam hiding away in Wolverhampton.

....okay, maybe not just a typical summer then.

The River and the Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure 

Harry studies the card for just a moment. It’s all brightness and blooming growth where the last card was darkness and destruction: a child, fair haired and laughing and riding on the back of a horse, his arms outstretched and basking in the light of a yellow sun.

“See? Not all bad." Jesy taps at the image on the card and nods. "Him I like. Look at him casting his light, nourishing the four little flowers in the back. He's an engine, burning brightly. Illuminating the dark corners. He's growth. Newness. Reconciliation...” Harry shakes his head and moves for the door. Opens it just as she says, “for all five of you.”

There’s a flutter and a commotion from behind him and then Rover is winging past him through the door, making her way out into the dark. The night air is cold on his face and it feels like relief. Like an escape.

“Four of us.” Liam sounds a little uncertain.

“What was that?”

“There’s just four of us, not five.”

“Oh…” her voice trails off as Harry steps out into the moonlight. “Well, like he said, it’s mostly bullshit anyway. Can’t get everything right.”

A Dark Tower AU for round 4 of the 1D big bang.

[impandagrl]

When I See Your Face

Things might not be as rosy as they first appeared, as Y/N and Sam continue to explore their new relationship.

Part 2 of the 'Home Is Wherever I'm With You' series

Part 1 Here

Much thanks to the brilliant @justawaywardwinchestergirl and Edge_of_Clairvoyance for being amazing for encouragement, bouncing ideas off of, and providing excellent beta services.

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics (my way), emotional hurt/comfort, off-screen violence, Sam (seemingly) acting OOC

I have been working on this for a bit, I have several chapters already written and will be posting them as I can. If you want a list of known warnings, let me know and I will send it to you privately as it includes spoilers. If you want to be tagged let me know. 

During the next several weeks, keeping an eye out for Sam on Thursdays became second nature. It wouldn't happen every week, and they hadn't been able to have any noteworthy interactions, just that smile and gentle “Hey, Y/N,” - he somehow always made sure he got her without making it obvious he was doing it - and she would reply in kind and take his order.

This Thursday she was particularly hoping to see him because he hadn't been in the last two weeks in a row. It was a bit early yet for possible Sam sightings - she was just tidying up so she could take her lunch - when she saw him.

He smiled at her, but something was a little off about it and she felt her heart stutter in concern. “Hey, Sam, is -" she glanced around the mostly empty shop, and lowered her voice, “- is everything okay?” The question was a little unprofessional, but she couldn't help herself.

“Yes, of course, I get to have lunch at my favorite coffee place.” he was trying for light and joking, and almost pulled it off, but her instincts were still telling her there was something not quite right.

She made the split decision to drop a hint in the hopes he would pick it up, but left it up to him in case he would rather be alone. “Perfect! I get to serve my favorite customer right before I take *my* lunch.”

He seemed genuinely hopeful at this news, and it was his turn to subtly glance around and lower his voice, “Would you mind having lunch with me again?”

“Not at all, what can I get you?”

He looked over the lunch menu undecidedly and she interjected, “The strawberry almond salad is really good - that's what I was going to have, actually.”

He brightened at that and his small smile was the closest to normal he'd managed so far. “I'll take two of those, then.”

She gave him a mock reproving look, but wasn't going to turn down a free meal. She gave him the price and nodded toward the corner as she rang him up, “Meet you in the same booth as before?”

“Perfect, see you in a minute.” She scrutinized him as he walked away. She may have just been imagining it, but he seemed to carry himself a little more hunched, and move just a bit slower, than usual.

She brought their salads on a tray so she could carry extra vinaigrette dressing and two cups. She carefully set it in the center of the table before scooching in.

He eyed the purplish drinks curiously. “What's this?”

“Fresh berry lemonade. You bought the salads and I thought they would go nicely. I could get you something else if you don't like it . . .”

Sam shook his head, “I'm sure I'll enjoy it, thank you.”

They started in on their salads in silence for a minute before she decided to broach the subject as delicately as she could. “Would it help to talk about it?”

His eyes searched hers, “Uh, I'm not . . . I don't really . . .” He trailed off.

“Sam,” she leaned forward in her chair and her hand moved unbidden to touch his, but she set it down on the table a few inches short. “You don't have to tell me anything. If you want to, I'm here. If you'd rather we talk about something else, we can do that, and if you don't feel like talking at all and just wanted someone to sit with, I would like to. Whatever you need.”

She was rewarded by seeing some of the tension leaving his shoulders and face. “Thank you, Y/N, for being so understanding. Here's what I can tell you: most of it's to do with my job; I can't really talk about that part. . .”

Her eyes widened, but she tried not to let her curiosity show and after a beat he continued, “Let's just say, ‘rough week at the office’.” He landed a passable smile which she returned.

“Well, you know I'm familiar with those.” She was getting the feeling they weren't in the same ballpark, but if he wanted to downplay it, she could humor him for now.

“The rest, is . . .” His eyes dropped to his salad; he picked at it as he continued.

“Every once in awhile I get a new peek at something that happened to my brother when we were kids. He's older and my dad . . . had his issues. He made my brother feel like he was responsible for me, and put a lot on his shoulders - more than a kid his age should have had to deal with. I know my dad was doing the best he could. Raising two boys on his own after Mom died, wasn't easy on him. But Dean, he's still dealing with some of the repercussions of all that. And to top it off he hides stuff from me, tries to shelter me from the worst of it. And, I guess I just wish he could talk to me about what’s going on - if I had known at the time maybe I could have been there for him; been a better brother, I don't know.”

He was quiet for a few seconds and she tentatively summarized “So, the fact that Dean had to go through that is already upsetting enough, and then on top of that he hides it from you.”

“I mean, yeah. It's pretty much a pattern with him. Part of it is pride I think, he doesn't want to admit he could use his little brother's help, but part of it is that he almost believes it was okay - everything that happened, whatever dad did, or said, or any other crappy thing that happens to him - like he thinks he deserves it. And I don't know where to begin to help with any of it.”

He sighed and she found herself mirroring him in sympathy. “Wow, that's a lot.”

“I'm sorry, it wasn't right to dump all that on you.”

“Oh no, Sam, please! I asked you to, you have to be able to talk to someone. You were there for me when I was having a rotten day anyway, I can at least listen about yours. You know it's not on you to fix everything, but I'm thinking there are some things you can do to help - ways you can be there for him and support him and make sure he knows it's safe to talk to you. It's hard when it sounds like he's still stuck in his role as your big brother, and he still feels like he has to shelter you. I'm assuming you've tried to tell him you're a big boy and you're able and willing to help shoulder the weight?”

Sam rolled his eyes, his exasperation clearly directed at his brother, “Yeah, a time or two.”

“You know it's not your fault, right? You were just a kid. It doesn't sound like your brother blames you for what happened . . .”

“No, I think he wishes I just never found out.”

“It's tricky to balance wanting to help, but not to wanting to do anything that might discourage him from opening up to you next time.”

“Yeah, and he'll use any excuse to say, ‘See, that's why I never told you!’”

“It doesn't sound like a situation that can be wrapped up neatly in a bow. Besides being there for him to talk to when he's ready, I think you can let your brother know you love him and accept him on a regular basis, and that can chip away at that kind of deep rooted mess, but you can't fully fix it, and I don't think he expects you to. I'm sorry, I'm trying to give advice that you didn't ask for . . .”

“No, that's okay. You're right.” He ran a hand through his hair as if brushing away the somber mood and gave her a real smile, “So, have you read any good books lately?”

She respected his desire for a subject change and returned his smile, “Yes! I just started the third book in this series by Cornelia Funke - have you ever read the Inkheart trilogy?”

“Mmm, I don't think so . . .”

“Well, first off, you need to fix that, it's incredible! One of my all time favorites, and she's one of my favorite authors. Anyway, this series is called the Reckless series or the Mirrorworld series and it's great. She really sucks you into the story and her characters are very lifelike. She likes to write fantasy books, but based on the old Grimm fairy tales, so almost horror-esque in parts.”

He smirked as if reminded of a private joke, but looked intrigued, “I'll have to look for it. We have a lot of the same tastes in books; chances are good I'll enjoy it.”

Y/N had to stifle a groan as Terri rounded the corner, eyes widening as they settled on Sam and her.

“If you think you've had a long enough break, I could use your help,” Terri’s polite tone was forced, wouldn't want to be rude in front of a customer after all, but the edge of annoyance was apparent.

Sam stood smoothly, his cup and plate suddenly in his hands, “I do apologize for keeping your employee,” he faked a look at her name tag for Terri’s benefit, “Y/N provided me with an excellent recommendation - the strawberry almond salad was excellent - and I was just stopping to thank her when I pulled her into a conversation. She was just humoring a bothersome customer, I'm afraid.”

Terri was sputtering, “Uh, well, nonsense, of course Y/N was happy to be of assistance to a valued customer, I'm sure.”

“I won't take up any more of your time. Thank you, and I hope to be able to have lunch here again sometime.”

“Yes, Have a good day, stop by again!”

Through it all, Y/N was blown away with how effortlessly Sam had thought on his feet like that, but also she felt a prickling at her scalp and arms. On the surface Sam's voice was the epitome of formal and polite, but there was this undercurrent of warning. It spoke of hidden danger, but it somehow didn't make her afraid in the slightest. It almost made her feel more safe . . . protected, maybe because it wasn't directed at her, but at her unreasonable manager. She filed it all away for future perusal.

As Sam reached the door he turned to drop his dishes in the bin and, out of Terri’s line of sight, flashed her one of his sun eclipsing smiles and was gone. Terri turned toward her with a broad hint that the drawers needed to be counted for midday and scurried back behind the counter leaving her to finish clearing their table in peace.

The next few weeks passed normally. Sam appeared most Thursdays and they shared a smile. Sometimes they got to exchange a little small talk if the shop wasn't busy and Terri was nowhere in sight.

It had been a long Monday and Y/N was ready to go home. Her lazy coworker had ditched her to take a smoke break, but honestly, she was probably getting the closing list done faster without her. She saw that the full trash bags had been left by the door. “Really?! Couldn't have taken them with you when you went out back to smoke and play on your phone? That's fine, I got it,” she snarked.

She stepped out into the mostly dark alley and started at the sight in the shadows by the dumpster. Her brain was having trouble interpreting what she was looking at. A large shapeless - something - on the ground was moving in bizarre jerky motions and muffled squeaks seemed to be emanating from it. Something rose up at her gasp and the danger finally clicked. She screamed and threw the heavy trash bags at the figure before stepping back into the shop and slamming the door. The whatever-it-was fled, but she didn't stop or slow her movements as she hastily locked the door and dialed 911.

Dawn's light was peeking through the buildings and bathed the police vehicles in a rosy glow. The officers had taken an initial statement last night, but they had not been able to find any sign indicating the current whereabouts of the attacker. So they were back, having cordoned off the alleyway behind the coffee shop, and wanted to question her further. She did the best she could answering all their inquiries and remembering the incident last night with as much detail as she could.

She honestly was hoping she'd wake up and find out it was a crazy dream. Her coworker was alive, recuperating at a nearby hospital with some blood loss and lacerations to the neck. Everyone kept indicating she'd done something brave or heroic, but she didn't feel that way; she'd ran and locked herself inside, leaving her coworker bleeding on the asphalt.

She and the officer questioning her turned as a figure approached behind them. Her jaw fell open at the sight of Sam in a suit. He was mouthwatering; if you looked up “sight for sore eyes” in the dictionary, she was certain there would be a picture of him there.

“Officer. Sam Daltrey, FBI. This is my partner, Townshend. Your guy from last night sounds like a perp my office has been tracking for some time. We'll need access to the crime scene, any evidence you've uncovered so far, and witnesses.”

He nodded toward her and the policeman deferred to him, backing away mumbling for Sam to let him know if he needed anything.

“FBI?” She gave voice to the thing currently at the top of her running ‘wtf list,’ feeling like she was going to fall apart at any moment, but Sam's hand was suddenly on her arm, grounding her.

His face was grim, but his tone was gentle, “It's okay. You're okay. Come sit down.” He led her to a nearby booth and sat opposite her and for a wild second she wanted to forget the circumstances and ask if he'd read any good books lately.

His partner took a position a few yards away from them like a bodyguard, and appeared as if he was studiously ignoring their conversation. She knew he probably wasn't, but she appreciated the effort to make her feel more comfortable.

“Y/N, can you tell me everything that you remember about last night?”

She went over everything again. She hesitated before delving into the flashes she thought she'd caught of glowing eyes and far too many teeth. She knew they were most likely the results of her terror causing her to imagine things, and she felt mildly embarrassed, but she left nothing out. Sam got a vacant stony look on his face that she'd never seen before and it made her more nervous than probably anything else that had happened to her since she saw the thing in the alley - person, Y/N, it was just a sick, or drugged, or messed up human being, nothing more.

“Thank you for your time, ma'am, our office will be in touch.”

Wait, what? Ma'am? She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “S- Sam?”

He had started to turn away, but he paused, meeting her gaze with a somber look in his eyes, features carefully blank. His voice was low, but as emotionless as his face, “I'm very sorry you had to witness something so distressing. We'll take care of it, I promise, you don't have anything to worry about.”

Everything was off, she had never felt anything but safe around Sam and now she felt - nothing - and it was freaking her out. She tried to keep her voice quiet, but she was sure it was easy to hear the blossoming panic. “Sam!”

“I'm very sorry. I assure you we won't be bothering you again, ma'am.”

The foreign-sounding flat voice uttering those terrible words stopped her cold and all she could do was stare at Sam's retreating back. His partner hadn't moved and was looking between them now with an inscrutable look on his face. When Sam reached the door he paused and she thought maybe he was going to say something to make sense of - everything, but he only murmured, “Let's go, Dean. We got work to do.”

His partner snorted at that, but followed after him. The door closed and Y/N’s mind was a blur. What the hell had just happened?!

This way to part 3

Want to be tagged? Let me know!

@luciisthebest @pinknerdpanda @mannls

[allthingssharay]

The Road to Me

Finding yourself is one heck of a challenging experience for any human being. Having the desire to know the truth about yourself, disclaiming the seek of validation from others for your own decisions, just generally trying to figure out all of the things that maters to you. Well, that's me! This 28 year old, single mom, who's stuck in a total nutshell over her own life. And, truth is, I don't quite have it all together. And, you know what?! That's imperfectly fine with me. I've been riding a whole new wave lately. Sailing through strength, surfing over doubt, and swimming through courage, so that I can touch the land of overcoming. And when I touch that surface, I'll be signaling that SOS to ME.

.......................

 Do you ever just sit back and reflect on what your ideal day looks like? From the time of day you wake up in the morning, think about how you're feeling and determine what kind of mindset you're going to keep throughout the day, or do you wake up and just roll with whatever happens? I was that girl. I would just get up and roll with whatever happens. I never prepared myself mentally for what could go positive or negative. I didn't realize how much mental preparation is one of the most important aspects of peak performance under pressure. Who wakes up, go out on a normal routine day and think about the possibility of facing a challenging state? It's in no ones plan, especially mines at the time. We face situations that determines our character. We're put into situations that would cause us to choose between reacting from emotions and thinking rationally. But, of course being the hot headed young girl I once was, I would react in ways that wasn't so becoming of a woman. I was very much so lacking impulse control. And as I've gotten older, I wondered "Why was I easily offended by everything that happened to me?" "Why was my guard always up?". It was always as if I was fighting my way out of something, mentally. And still, today. I'm easily annoyed, I'm easily offended and I'm quick to put up a fight to prove something within myself.

 Until I noticed my peace was at stake. And when your peace and your sanity is at risk, you come to terms with becoming willing to break down barriers within yourself. You know, dig a little deep to get to the root of what makes you so unhappy inside. 

This is me, regaining my own peace of mind. Getting to know myself and finding out who I really am and what I like about myself. When you start being true to yourself, being real and honest with yourself and acknowledging things that influences you in a positive and negative light, you begin to open doors that will allow you to accept what it is that genuinely makes you happy. Trust me, its not always easy getting to that point. It took me a while to understand who I was as a person and understand what I was going through. But listen, owning up to my truth is where my freedom began, and gosh, that's such a beautiful thing to me now.

 So, here I am, evolving, soul seeking how to navigate new ways of living. For me this time. Looking for this invisible button to push for an uncomplicated life. I'm growing up and raising my 9 year old daughter, who looks up to me and wants to be like me. A tiny, little human who loves me unconditionally. Most days, I can do motherhood in my sleep, other days I just need a break from life. There's no giving up though. What option would that be? I can't teach my child to do anything that I wouldn't do. It wouldn't make me feel any more of a woman or mother that I desire to be, and I owe my best self to her.  

.............................

Everyday, I need me more and more. Most days it's a struggle to tell myself what I'm most proud of. I don't have the answer to because I focus so much on where I want to be, that what I'm doing now isn't good enough. Ugh, typical, black woman right? Nothing's ever good enough, unless you can do it all at once right? But good enough for who? Ourselves or the world around us? When are we going to give ourselves the credit we deserve? I see and know of so many women that go hard  for themselves, single parents, both men and women, that's always making shit happen for their children. We do this in our sleep, because that's our nature, to knock parenthood out of the ballpark, regardless of whatever. I had to constantly remind myself that what I do isn't just for me, but for my child as well; that my decisions had to be accommodating to her; that it's for a beautiful reason. I had faith that all of my hard work would meet my prayers and pay off.

 There was a time in my life where I realized that I spent so much time doing things that people in my life expected me to do. Things that I was made to feel was for me, things that I just went with, but wasn't pleasing to me. Everyday, there are things that I'm still learning to let go of, even if that means loosening up some ties with some people. There is no way you can be who you are destined to be, when you're not in an uplifting environment. And we all know sometimes the people closest to you are praying on your downfall. When you have someone in your circle who don't look forward to growing, they don't always want to see you grow either, unless it benefits them. I believe when you have positive people who sheds light on you, that energy falls on you. Everyone isn't meant to grow with you and truthfully, sometimes you have to "fast" from people too.

 Who's the one person you connect with or can relate to on a deeper level? Who do you feel as though has the same soul as you? You see, I must admit, I don't play a role with anyone, often. Whether it's family, friends, colleagues, whoever. I view everyone as an individual first. Maybe that's another issue of mine. I had a hard time connecting to what makes me feel live. Or so they say...

 Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog entry. Stay tuned for part 2!

“You are graced by God to be you and no one else. Find the beauty in your portion”. 

I own rights to this blog.

[barbosaasouza]

Super Mega Baseball 2 Review: A Monster Dinger

Baseball and PC gaming used to be the best of friends almost 30 years ago, but offerings in 2018 are incredibly sparse (apart from the sea of stat simulator baseball games). The last PC release to carry the MLB license was 2K’s MLB 2K12 and players looking to partake in the old ball game had limited options. Canadian-based Metalhead Software ported their surprise 2014 Playstation hit, Super Mega Baseball to Xbox One and PC and gained a small cult following. While the game lacked the big leagues licensing and had a hard arcade-style slant, it excelled at being an easy to pick up baseball game that was extremely fun to play with a friend on the couch. This spring, Metalhead has Super Mega Baseball 2 ready to hit the diamond and the team appears to have hit this one out of the park.

I am a lifelong video game baseball fan. I got my first taste with the original Bases Loaded on the NES and supplemented that addiction with the R.B.I. Baseball titles that came on the unauthorized black Tengen cartridges. The first Ken Griffey baseball game on the SNES and MVP Baseball 2005 stand out as my favorite baseball games over the last 30 years. Being the last big-budget baseball game released for the PC, I’ve logged hundreds of hours with MLB 2K12 and I got to experience MLB: The Show 17 on PS4 Pro last year (and think it would be the best baseball game of all time if the frame rate wasn’t unplayably awful). All this experience with the genre makes me feel like I can objectively judge Super Mega Baseball 2 on its merits as a representation of baseball and its merits as a quality video game experience.

As a baseball game, Super Mega Baseball 2 nearly hits for the cycle, only coming up short on the smallest of details and nuance. I do not judge it harshly for its few shortcomings in being a baseball simulation, as the game does not carry the all-important MLB license and the development team was obviously not afforded a budget that could compare to what Sony earmarks to SIE San Diego for MLB: The Show. Almost all the things that make up the on-field game of baseball are present and accounted for. I noticed a few issues (like the apparent lack of an infield fly rule), but generally found myself locked into the flow of the games.

You only need to spend a few innings with the game to see the love that the development team has for the sport. There are many visual and audio cues that work together to present the game of baseball in a reverent light. The fictional stadiums are well-designed, with each location offering some interesting vistas and ambience that feels like an amped up version of the whimsical magic found across the minor league ballparks scattered across the United States. Unapologetically goofy team names and stadium adornments work to convey the charm of a summer night out at the ballpark.

For those who are unfamiliar with the game of baseball (or simply have no affinity), Super Mega Baseball 2 still has the guts of an enjoyable arcade gaming experience that is sure to entice just about anyone willing to give it a go. Like the best arcade games, the controls are fairly simple, yet rewardingly deep for those who prefer to dive deeper. Pitching is relatively straightforward, with the right stick used to select a pitch type and the A button to throw said pitch. Aiming pitches is handled with the left stick prior to throwing, while the nuances of accuracy and breakpoints are handled by steering a circular UI indicator towards the initial aiming point. I jumped into my first game, ignoring the tutorial prompts, and managed to get a grasp on my hurler’s repertoire by the end of the third inning. This is a welcome change coming from the ridiculously complex systems found in the modern big budget MLB games.

Batting in Super Mega Baseball 2 is even easier to pick up than the pitching. The pitches come into the batter’s box with a UI indicator showing their location. To make contact, you need only to use the left stick and position a circle in the vicinity of the incoming pitch and then press the A button. It is reminiscent of the system I first encountered in Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey Jr. on the Nintendo 64. Baserunning is fairly easy to pick up as well, though properly juggling more than one runner in close situations can get very hectic. Depending on the level of difficulty chosen, fielding is mostly handled automatically, unless the player prefers to take control after a ball is put in play. Throws could not be any simpler, with the controller face buttons mapped to each of the four bases and a timing-based power meter mechanic sprinkled over the top for the diehards.

The graphics and sound work together to provide an acceptable presentation. Player models are rather exaggerated and it works perfectly in service of the vibe that the game presents. The default teams contain male and female players. Most surprisingly, the female models actually resemble human women rather than the ridiculous 1990’s comic book proportions that typically dominate the video game industry. The PC version of the game performed admirably on my machine, allowing for 4K 60fps gameplay that was perfectly frame-paced. Likely due to the budget of the project, the in-game presentation is a little thin, with no voice overs or superfluous scenes between innings and at-bats. While this prevents purists from taking in the game at baseball’s infamous leisurely pace, the concise nature of the presentation fits the arcade style perfectly.

Super Mega Baseball 2 allows for full customization of teams, logos, and players. The provided logo editor is robust enough that determined users will be able to crank out an entire league’s worth of first-rate logos in no time. It looks like it should be possible to recreate the entire MLB within the constraints of these tools, and I fully expect folks to have a project like that ready to roll in short order. Sadly, I found no way to easily download or share these customizations from within the game (or if such a thing will ever be possible). The ability to upload and share customizations would do wonders for the shelf life of this game. For those that care about such things, the game does ship with some microtransactions, but they are only in the form of additional art pieces for the customization suite and are not at all required to enjoy the game, nor do they affect gameplay.

Online play, by far the most-requested feature from fans of the original game, works well out of the box. Ranked leaderboard play is restricted to the default teams for balance reasons, but friendly private matches can make full use of customized teams and players. On the PC version, all online business is handled via Steamworks and is as easy as one could hope for. For offline players, exhibition, tournament, and season modes offer different ways to enjoy the game.

Fans of the original Super Mega Baseball will find lots to like about this sequel. New players can expect a solid game of baseball with enough arcade magic to appeal to almost any type of player. Baseball purists will find a good time if they enter with the proper expectations. As it stands right now, Super Mega Baseball 2 is now the top dog of baseball games on the PC. For $30, it’s not quite priced to be an impulse purchase, but should go on the shortlist of any baseball fans or those on the hunt for genuine arcade fun. 8/10 $14 Beers

This review is based on the PC Steam release. The game key was provided by the publisher. Super Mega Baseball 2 was made available for Steam, Xbox One, and PS4 on May 1, for $29.99.

Super Mega Baseball 2 Review: A Monster Dinger published first on https://superworldrom.tumblr.com/

[bowiebwe-blog]

Bowie’s Favorite Albums Of 2017 Big List! (#20-5)

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20. Paramore - After Laughter

Nah guys, this is still definitely Paramore. And that’s a very good thing. I *loved* their 2013 self-titled album, and though this album doesn’t hit me at quite that level, it’s in the same ballpark(ish). They got groovier and yeah, a but pop-ier, but their heart is still definitely there. And it’s one of the most thematically cohesive albums of the year. You wanna know who I think one of their low-key influences is this time around though? Their good buddies/label mates Twenty One Pilots. I’m not so sure they would have dared take the route they did with the lyrical themes of this album without Twenty One Pilots paving the way into the mainstream first, even if Haley needed to say it. But now that it’s been said, I hope their next album goes into what comes after; hope, and all that good stuff.

*Hard Times, Forgiveness

—-

19. Liam Gallagher - As You Were

Straight up, I wasn’t expecting Liam to show up and make an album this good. I dunno how much help he had in making it happen, but here it is, it happened. This album rivals late Oasis and even his brother’s excellent post-Oasis projects. The grit here is real, and Liam backs up his incredibly large ego with some great songs. Easily one of the best rock albums of the year. Now let’s please have an Oasis reunion sometime soon as you were LG x

*Wall Of Glass, I’ve All I Need, Chinatown

——

18. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Who Built The Moon?

Noel Gallagher is one of the very best British songwriters of all-time. I don’t ever flinch or stutter when I say that. He knows how to make a song full of heart be catchy while still pushing the boundaries of what songwriting can be, and all without overcomplication. It’s a fascinating thing to behold. Oasis was built on his back, and they were rightfully massive. And now he’s back with his wee Flyin’ Birds and making another great album. He once again shows he’s not afraid to reach out and find new avenues of songwriting, and somehow he seems to always find the sweet spot. It’s definitely once again a change of sound, and it almost makes me believe he changes it either to challenge himself or because he’s bored. Whatever the case, this is a great album with more great songwriting from an incredible artist.

*Dead In The Water, It’s A Beautiful World

—–

17. Eminem - Revival

I recently found out that Eminem used 69,000 pieces of paper during the writing of this album, so it’s no wonder to me how he came to be what I easily consider to be the greatest rapper of all-time. His golden days as off-the-wall Slim Shady might be in the past, but his undeniable passion and flow are still strong here. Eminem knows how to deliver, and pretty much everyone who knows rap knows it. He’s the greatest. And as a side note, “Arose” might easily be one of the most powerful Eminem songs ever. It’s like being the dying man fighting for his life and his mourning family at the same time, and it’s amazing to see Eminem be able to still deliver on that. Anyway, Eminem once again brought out greatness in this album. Fantastic.

*Arose, River, In Your Head

—

16. PVRIS - All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell

I listened to both of PVRIS’ albums for the first time on the same walk, and let me tell ya, I was instantly converted into being a fan. Their songs and albums are high-quality modern rock albums with a very open feel to them. And the vocals! My goodness. They go from ice water to like having a hot Twilight vampire sink their teeth into your neck like butter. Not much changed tonally between this album and their debut, but like Royal Blood, if it ain’t broke, you don’t always need to fix it. Especially with rock. So many rock bands get so caught up in trying to become relevant electronically that they lose where they came from in the first place. PVRIS is a force to be reckoned with, even if they don’t ever get incredible commercial success (it’s just the world we live in). Great album.

*Heaven, What’s Wrong, NOLA 1

—

15. Logic - Everybody

Peace, love, and positivity! We should have all listened to Logic sooner. I decided once he released this album to listen to all of his previous albums before listening to even a single song off his new release, and folks, he’s the real deal. His flow is amazing, his beats are creative, and he’s genuine. This album definitely backs all that up. He’s one creative mother goose, and his art is full of those good vibes we love in music. He also gets more honest and personal than ever here with mental health issues (not just in “1-800…”), so it’s somewhat of an important album even just on that note.

*Hallelujah, 1-800-273-8255

—–

14. Ed Sheeran - ÷

This album was one of my most-anticipated of the year, and it largely lived up to the high expectations, but not completely. There are some songs I loved, some songs I really liked, and some songs I honestly could’ve done without on here. But here’s the thing… Ed Sheeran’s an amazing songwriter. These songs are all good. Like, even though “Shape Of You” might be one of my least favorite on the album because of that trendy finger harp bounce rythm thing I can’t stand, if you listen in the background you’ll hear very ‘Ed Sheeran-y" guitar-percussion sounds that make the song fascinating to listen to. So sometimes it seems like these songs are too polished for the radio, but it still has a lot of heart and fantastic songwriting. I don’t like it quite as much as I loved 'X’, but I still really liked this album. Mr. Sheeran is constant quality and I’m sure he’ll be a superpower for years to come.

*Happier, How Would You Feel (Paean), What Do I Know?, Perfect

——

13. Imagine Dragons - Evolve

Do you hear that? …that’s the sound of Dan Reynolds waking up. If their sophmore album was a necessarily dark album dealing with the regrets and sorrows of stardom, Imagine Dragons came around with their third album to make a bright, flying album that revolves around what comes after the dark times. It definitely feels alive and fresh, using a new coat of digital paint to make the color pop. It’s pretty close to exactly what the doctor ordered for them. And their songwriting keeps getting better (I love the flow of the last verse of “Whatever It Takes”). Imagine Dragons shows they’re not afraid to be around for the long run with this release, and it’s a joy to listen to.

*I Don’t Know Why, Walking The Wire, The Mouth Of The River

—-

12. Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - The Nashville Sound

I love, love, love, love Jason Isbell. His songwriting to me is one form of the amazing eiptome of the human experience. Does that make sense? (…Eh, who cares.) So real. Bare. Honest. I love it. He’s back with his band this time around after a couple of solo albums that I still adore, and although this one might not be *quite* up to the level of those two for me, this is still a really, really good album. As far as folk/alt-country artists go, this guy’s a monster. Definitely worth a listen.

*Last Of My Kind, Hope The High Road, If We Were Vampires

—

11. London Grammer - Truth Is A Beautiful Thing

I remember listening to this one for the first time vividly. I was walking down a dark neighborhood street at probably 12:30 AM when “Big Picture” came on. It was like as the song progressed and the music picked up the stars started to pop out, the mountains’ dark outlines became clear, and by the time the song hit its peak I felt alive and deep in the night. The album held onto that feeling. If that makes sense. It was a great walk that night. London Grammer took seemingly forever to realease this album, to the point where I honestly stopped caring for it to come out after loving their debut album, but it blew me away when it came out. It took everything great about their first album and improved it. Subtle. Calming. Aching. Enveloping. It’s easy to dive into when the time is right. Beautiful, beautiful album.

*Big Picture, Truth Is A Beautiful Thing

—-

10. Taylor Swift - Reputation

Were you ready for it? Once T-Swift drops a new album, there’s no getting away from hearing it. And the reason for that? She makes *dang* good pop albums, even since the days when she was still “country.” She knows her craft very well (image-wise as well as musically) and has definitely deserved her wild success. I still consider “1989” to be one of the best pop albums ever (or at least in the past two decades or so), so this one had high expectations coming into it. Well, I’d say it was a success. I mean, I could do another essay on this album. No, it’s not at the level of her last album, but she once again made a solid case for her being the current queen of pop. She dives further into production trends here, but does them better than really anyone else. Her lyrics are honest and sharper than ever, but she still has those fun moments of just being Taylor Swift in there too. So beyond all the mania building up to and during the release of this album, it’s a great album by one of today’s biggest superstars.

*Delicate, End Game, Dancing With Our Hands Tied

—-

9. Aaron Watson - Vaquero

This album *feels* like Texas, and I love it. I hadn’t even heard of Aaron Watson until a few weeks ago, but I was already blown away and honestly kind of emotional by the very first chorus of the very first track (“Texas Lullaby”). It’s like I was *there*. Back down South. Big calm fields, even bigger blue skies. I don’t think there are any big radio hits on this album, but the songs are so. dang. good. Ugh! This guy is genuine and obviously has a soul full of that sweet country music. Every country music fan out there should know this album.

*Texas Lullaby, Take You Home Tonight, Run Wild Horses, Amen Amigo

—–

8. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

I need to watch out here, because I could easily write an essay on this album. In my opinion, Kendrick is crazy-far ahead of everyone else in the rap world concerning beats and overall production. Kendrick always pushes the limit of what a rap song can be, finding new ways of making something innovative the new hit. I’d even say he’s already the best rap artist ever in terms of making brilliant albums, and not just making them a great collection of songs. He’s always brilliant and innovative, but never at the expense of losing mass popularity and creating disconnect between he and the average listener. Along with the brilliant songs by themseleves that make up this album, the concept and vision of the album itself as a whole is brilliant (if you don’t know, look into playing the track order in reverse). I dunno, he just constantly amazes me. Every time. Kendrick’s working his way up to legend status.

*FEEL., LOVE., GOD.

—

7. Ryan Adams - Prisoner

Chances are you probably don’t know who Ryan Adams is. That’s okay. You’re not alone. It’s an epidemic. I first heard him a few years ago when he released his beautiful cover album of Taylor Swift’s 1989, and I pretty close to instantly fell in love with his music. He has a lot of heart, and he can write a heck of a song. Seems like he’s sure fighting a lot of heartache and heartbreak in this album and is learning how to move on from loss, and he tells it beautifully. I’d definitely recommend you give this one a chance.

*Doomsday, Shiver And Shake

—-

6. John Mayer - The Search For Everything

John Mayer is one of my absolute favorite songwritiers/artists. It just seems like he gets *it*. His songs seep passion and integrity, along with emotion and an abundance of amazing musicianship. He knows amazing skills and all that, but he understands heart, and that’s the core of his music. This album also seems like it has an extra dose of direct honesty in it as compared to his previous works. There are colors of hope, understanding, doubt, love, loneliness, and all else that paint what it means to be human in this album, and they’re bright and genuine here. It’s also cool to see him mix his almost-americana-ish influences of the past few years with the smooth coolness of his Continuum days. Another great one by one of the greatest songwriters/musicians of our generation.

*Emoji Of A Wave, You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me, Never On The Day You Leave

—–

5. Bleachers - Gone Now

I love this album. Straight up. One of the biggest surprises of the year, and I couldn’t be happier about it. You might not think you know Jack Antanoff (a.k.a. Bleachers), but if you’ve ever listened to any recent Taylor Swift or Lorde tracks, you do. His work as a producer is well-known (like I said, big ol’ T-Swift and Lorde tracks among others), but this is his own project from his own mouth, and it is one of my favorite albums of the year. He gets modern and experimental without sacrificing any heart from the songs, and also makes classic callbacks comparable to bands such as The Beatles (“Goodmorning”), while still managing to give them have a beautiful shiny modern polish. There’s a hidden reason T-Swift and Lorde have done so well lately. This album will tell you all about it.

*Goodmorning, I Miss Those Days, Let’s Get Married

—

[patrickbowienewman]

My Uncut Love for “Blade Runner: 2049″ Hasn’t Diminished (And Probably Never Will)

It’s been months since Denis (Sicario, Prisoners, Arrival) Villenueve’s sequel to Blade Runner was unveiled to American audiences, and in an unfortunately surprising twist of fate, many of us Yanks didn’t show up to watch it. 

As soon as those first exhilarating trailers struck social media, I fully expected Blade Runner 2049 to be the instant cultural phenomenon Ridley Scott’s original film never was - vindicating Blade Runner’s decades-long crawl from cult curio to global ubiquity, and reviving the moviegoing public’s obsession with replicants, spinners, origami, steaming food truck noodles, and Johnnie Walker sipped from those gorgeously sculpted tumblers.

If you’ll indulge me while I do a little bean counting, Blade Runner 2049 cost in the ballpark of $150 million to make. In those first few weeks of release, audiences eventually bought enough tickets to raise the domestic total to $83 million. This disparity lead many to construe Blade Runner 2049 as a box office bomb and all-around disappointment, even though foreign box office handily netted producing partners Warner Bros., Alcon Entertainment, and Columbia Pictures an additional $142 million. I haven’t a doubt that it’ll break even when the dust finally settles.

At the risk of sounding trite, I’ll assert that matters of business and budget have zero to do with Blade Runner 2049′s cinematic merit, no matter what trades like The Hollywood Reporter might suggest. The essence and quality of any movie need only be valued by the sound and picture flickering from within the big bright rectangle. Everything else is just noise.

When the nerd holiday of Blade Runner 2049′s opening weekend finally arrived, I watched it on the best and largest screen I could, joined by a little fellowship of family, friends and coworkers. The verdict? 

Few would deny that 2017′s timeline has been a non-stop deluge of terror and portent. Everything from politics and national tragedy after national tragedy to my own personal quagmires had left me craving the escape of Blade Runner’s unmistakable brand of sci-fi super-noir. Villenueve’s lavish sequel couldn’t have come along at a better time.

Once a certain father met his long-lost daughter and the movie cut to black and credits, the lights went up. My party went their separate ways, and I sullenly returned to a life bearing little resemblance to the vivid landscapes in which I had swam for three blissful hours of lucid dreaming. 

The best films establish permanent residency in our creative imaginations. We long to inhabit them, even after the theater is empty and the ushers are sweeping stale popcorn away from our feet. 2049 was one such experience for me.

Despite the enormous volume of criticism already generated, I thought I’d offer my detailed take on it anyway.

In an effort to keep this essay wide-ranging and interesting, I’m going to have to spoil much of the narrative. Please watch the movie already, so we can diffuse any risk of ruining the movie’s many delightful surprises...

The advertising campaign for 2049 was brilliant at both enticing hardcore Blade Runner fans with throwbacks to the many things that made that film so iconic and unforgettable, while also giving the curious uninitiated a comprehensive tour of the countless appealing visual and thematic qualities that could be enjoyed separate any primer or context.

Each trailer seamlessly obfuscated practically every aspect of the plot that had the potential to be a narrative surprise - Except, of course, for the presence/return of a grizzled-as-hell Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford).

I was thrilled to discover upon first viewing that Ryan Gosling’s “Officer K” is himself a replicant - a cop working for icy LAPD Lieutenant Joshi (Robin Wright, unsurprisingly perfect) to snuff out certain older model replicants who managed to slip into lives of anonymity before their corporate overseers put out a product recall.

It’s easy to draw parallels between Gosling’s Officer K and today’s American ICE stormtroopers. 2049′s first onscreen replicant (played with gentle grace by human redwood trunk Dave Bautista) is brutally “retired” by Gosling while a pot of garlic boils on a range top nearby. This jolt of an opening scene deftly introduces us to a robot humbly trying to adopt a simple human life, eking out a peaceful existence in solitude, living off the grid as a protein farmer.

Using Gosling’s K as the button man, Bautista’s character Sapper Morton is brutally gunned down by the technical arm of 2049′s despicable government, crystallizing the black-hearted fascism of this future vision of LA. By the end of the sequence, 2049 manages to both brilliantly depart from and add to Ridley Scott’s established world of monolithic corporations and their mutinous android labor force. 

As a movie obsessive who has always believed Rutger Hauer’s Roy Batty (the antagonist from the first film) had Blade Runner’s most charismatic screen presence AND emotionally involving story arc, the decision made by Villenueve and Ridley Scott to tell 2049′s story through the eyes of a replicant instead of a human is an inspired one.

Gosling’s Agent K is a Good German whose only extra-professional pastime is the oddly touching Stepford-meets-Siri romance he carries out with “Joi,” a holographic fellow AI. Joi adds compelling new layers to 2049′s preoccupation with the line (if we decide there even is one) separating humans from replicants.

According to blind zillionaire industrialist Niander Wallace (Jared Leto, adding another tic-filled personality to his growing gallery of loathsome weirdos), the continued and assured inability of replicants to conceive children is essential to keeping his legions of android slaves subservient. In the world of 2049, Wallace is a sort of God (or Pharaoh, as his incredible pyramidal fortress seems to signify), and replicants who reproduce of their own free will would be a mortal threat to this Pharaoh’s monopoly on slavery and world expansion.

The ideas surrounding Wallace are articulated in a violent and disturbing scene that completely repelled me upon first viewing (men’s prodigious violence towards women is a subject I’m frankly exhausted to see dramatized during these dark days), in which Leto pontificates about his ambitions while sterilizing a newborn replicant by taking a knife to her uterus. 

Wallace has built - and continues to expand - an empire to rival Alexander’s, and that God complex seems to have allowed his absurdly grandiose ego to eclipse any considerations of morality or human compassion. He’s a creep.

As Wallace leaves his chattel bleeding and naked in the same spot she was minutes-ago conceived (presumably to be shuttled to some salt mine or brothel "off-world”), Wallace’s personal secretary Luv (an advanced model replicant played by Sylvia Hoeks), sympathetically regards the brutalized woman from a sentry position nearby, tears streaking across her otherwise stoic, painted face. So much is already happening beneath the surface in this film.

Through Luv, Villenueve continues contrasting human characters with scant empathy and monstrous cruelty with replicant characters who have deep reverence for life’s creation and preservation, be that human life or the lives of other replicants.

Luv's attitudes lie somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. A scene-stealer from minute one, Luv is first introduced as an HR cipher sent forth to meet K as his investigation takes him deeper into the halls of power. When she needs to be, Luv is a polite charmer and the world’s most attentive and fastidious secretary, but she can also be an asset when a coroner's head needs to be squashed like a melon, or when the chief of police requires violent interrogation at knifepoint or with shattered glass. 

Luv’s finest moment of effortless aggression might just be her casual drone-bombing of a junkyard Gosling’s K investigates during a crucial sequence - she has a manicurist do her nails on one hand while she fires a volley of mortars via iPad with the other.

The crux of the film is the gradual unveiling of K’s identity, followed by an interesting subversion of what I initially assumed was a fairly predictable twist. K’s chief assignment is to kill the hidden offspring of Rachael (the replicant played by Sean Young in Blade Runner) and the long-absent Rick Deckard (Ford). 

K finally deduces that he may very well be Deckard’s son, which throws his entire code of ethics and sense of purpose into disarray. He goes on the lam from his oppressive LAPD handlers to find Deckard and determine whether this whole “being half human with actual, non-implanted memories” bombshell revelation has genuine merit.

There are several amusing scenes seeded throughout the movie in which Officer K has to take a psychological evaluation or “baseline test” (conducted by an asshole robot, of course). In the early part of the film, K suffers zero identity crisis, so he passes the test with flying colors. But as his case begins to unravel the assumptions he had long held about himself and the system he serves, K’s answers to the robot’s questions become more erratic and threatening to his handlers. 

A transcript of the first test might be worth printing verbatim here...

Interrogator: "Recite your baseline."

K: "And blood-black nothingness began to spin... A system of cells interlinked within cells interlinked within cells interlinked within one stem... And dreadfully distinct against the dark, a tall white fountain played."

Interrogator: "Cells."

K: "Cells."

Interrogator: "Have you ever been in an institution? Cells."

K: "Cells."

Interrogator: "Do they keep you in a cell? Cells."

K: "Cells."

Interrogator: "When you're not performing your duties do they keep you in a little box? Cells."

K: "Cells."

Interrogator: "Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "What's it like to hold the hand of someone you love? Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "Did they teach you how to feel finger to finger? Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "Do you long for having your heart interlinked? Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "Do you dream about being interlinked... ?"

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "What's it like to hold your child in your arms? Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "Do you feel that there's a part of you that's missing? Interlinked."

K: "Interlinked."

Interrogator: "Within cells interlinked."

K: "Within cells interlinked."

Interrogator: "Why don't you say that three times: Within cells interlinked."

K: "Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked."

Interrogator: "We're done... Constant K, you can pick up your bonus.”

- - 

Such is the cross the obedient replicants of 2049 need to bear.

The movie is long and weighty, but never a chore to watch or difficult to follow. If memory serves, top-billed Harrison Ford (as iconic replicant killer Rick Deckard) doesn’t even appear onscreen until two hours in, but his applause-worthy arrival enhances the movie without drawing any interest away from Officer K. Once Gosling’s investigation brings him to the doorstep of Deckard’s booby-trapped casino hideaway (itself contained in a stunningly radioactive, vacant and dust-caked future vision of Las Vegas), the movie’s costars initially face off as adversaries before finally forming an uneasy partnership to speak truth to power, and - on a more human level - reunite Deckard with his long-lost progeny.

I suppose it’s in this last stretch of the film that director Denis Villenueve’s soul bares itself in a way that distinguishes this new film from its famous predecessor. Instead of culminating in any kind of epic conflict affecting global change, or placing the replicant vs. tycoon class war center stage, the movie narrows its focus on what Gosling chooses to do as he contemplates whether he is human or not, and what the distinction really means to him.

The finale’s centerpiece is a vicious physical contest between replicants K and Luv on the shores of future LA’s “Sepulveda Wall,” where a spinner/prison transport vehicle has crash landed and sinks gradually into an onslaught of crashing waves. As the warriors clash nearby, a handcuffed Deckard watches patiently and waits for what could just as easily be his demise rather than his salvation. 

By rescuing Deckard from certain death, K liberates himself from his previously programmed destiny, as well as any selfish baggage we can agree is very key to the human condition. Lying in the snow, bleeding out in 2049′s poignant final moments, K finds peace in having healed the only part of the world he could.

I couldn’t end a review like this without tipping my hat to the genius DP Roger Deakins, who I would insist is as much an author of 2049 as Villenueve or Ridley Scott. It was wise to select a cinematographer whose visual ambition matches the subject and content of a movie so epic and complex, and the result - hyperbole be damned - is one of the most gorgeous movies I’ve ever seen. 

In a movie designed from the ground up to convincingly plunge us into an endless procession of jaw-droppingly unique and visually stunning environments, Deakins never fails to precisely, carefully discover inspired new ways of capturing the work of his similarly gifted production designers, costumers and effects artists. If there’s one aspect of 2049 that would be obvious to anybody from frame one, it’s the confident belief that the visual experience of the movie ahead is going to be unmatched and unprecedented.

“Blockbusters,” which I suppose describe any kind of film made with a large budget, featuring movie stars and wielding all of the trappings necessary for worldwide distribution, can be a tiresome proposition for those of us that consume movies frequently and ask a little more from the cinema experience than some of our less-discerning peers.

Blade Runner: 2049 accomplishes everything movies of this scale and pedigree tend to attempt, does so with perfection, and then reaches for (and attains) even higher levels of technical, narrative, and performance ambition. This truly is a tentpole Harrison Ford action movie that is also without question an “art film,” entertaining from the surface to the core, and dense with subtext, intriguingly unanswered questions and hauntingly iconic images. It will stand the test of time as all great movies do, and impressively earns its proud place alongside the revered sci-fi film that inspired it.

[junker-town]

College football at Fenway Park is a crass, silly money grab

(and it’s beautiful)

It's the second quarter of the Brown vs. Dartmouth football game at Fenway Park and the Celtics are losing. I’m in the reception area that leads to the press box with some of the ballpark’s quality specialists, and we’re watching basketball on TV. It’s a better game than the one taking place outside, and besides, it's warmer in here.

Outside these walls, the baseball diamond has been turned into a football field for the Gridiron Series, where college football teams from New England will play this weekend and next. Fenway has flirted with football since World War II, when an enterprising guy named Ted Collins tried to start a team called the Boston Yanks and make Fenway their home field (it didn’t work). A few years ago the park hosted a Boston College game against Notre Dame.

When I first saw field goals on the third-base line of America's oldest ballpark this afternoon, it was like walking into my favorite pizza place and discovering it had started serving bagels instead. There was some serious cognitive dissonance, but, at the same time, Fenway is Fenway. Standing on the field sent the same electricity down my spine that I felt as a 7-year-old when I went to my first Red Sox game.

Tickets were selling during the week, but very few people showed up on this 26-degree Friday night thanks to the windchill that feels like negative bajillion. There are probably only 7,000 people in the 37,000-capacity stadium. Next week, when Boston College plays UConn, the turnout will probably be higher, but who knows by how much.

Pat, one of the guys who works at Fenway on the weekends and teaches high school physics during the week, sits down on a chair next to me. He’s wearing a Patriots winter hat and his official Red Sox jacket. An older man named Sean sits behind the receptionist’s desk. The two work together now, but Sean was once Pat’s high school teacher in Medford. He scolds his former student for not wearing a Sox hat at Fenway. Pat laughs and tells Sean to buy him one if he wants him to wear it so badly.

Then Pat asks me why I’m here. I tell him I’m writing about college football at Fenway, and he rolls his eyes.

“It doesn’t make sense,” he says, gesturing out toward the field where Dartmouth is destroying Brown.

“UMass-UMaine will be better than this,” he continues, his Boston accent softening better to bettah. “But college football around here, who are we gonna root for? BC? And then BC gets trampled? Nah. Fenway just didn’t wanna have hockey here this year.”

“Why do they have to have anything here besides baseball?” I ask.

“Money,” Pat says, shrugging.

A few hours before l meet Pat and Sean and a few minutes after kickoff, I’m standing on the sidelines behind legendary ESPN sportscaster Chris Berman. He’s wearing his famous khaki slacks and leather loafers, watching each play with intense focus. Berman went to Brown, and the school made him an honorary captain for this, the final “home” game of the season. As far as I can tell, the crowd is made up mostly of alumni who live in Boston and families of players. It doesn’t seem like many current students showed up for the game.

To say Brown’s season has been tough is an understatement. They've lost to every other Ivy they’ve played. Berman wanted to speak to the team to pump them up before they took the field tonight, but he somehow got stuck talking to the boosters instead.

“This is playing at Fenway. This they remember. Even if they aren't from here.” — Chris Berman

“And what good does that do?” he asks an old classmate who’s come down from his seat to say hello. The two chat for a bit, and Berman tells him he made a bet with a different friend, someone who went to Dartmouth. If Dartmouth wins, Berman owes the guy a seafood dinner. If Brown wins, the friend has to send Berman a case of maple syrup. A proper mayor’s bet.

I ask him why playing at Fenway matters.

“It’s something [players] didn't think they'd get,” Berman says. “Playing Ivy League football is good enough, but this is playing at Fenway. This they remember. Even if they aren't from here. They haven’t won an Ivy game yet. But if they win this one ...”

He trails off as he watches one of Brown’s players get tackled. He shakes his head.

“This is one will be in their pocket for 60 years,” he continues, looking back at me. “If they get it at 20, they keep it at 80.”

Brown won't win — Dartmouth will beat them 33-10. There will be hardly anyone left in the stands by 10:30 to watch them lose.

It’s the next afternoon, about an hour before kickoff, and I’m talking to Maine offensive coordinator Liam Coen on the field. He’s very polite and soft-spoken, but he walks away in the middle of a sentence when he spots his old UMass roommate walking toward him. To be fair, so would a lot of other people; Coen’s college buddy is Victor Cruz, the wide receiver who played for the Giants for seven years and is now a free agent.

“Vic!” Coen says, and the two give each other one of those long, genuine, wow-it’s-so-good-to-see-you-I’ve-missed-you-so-much hugs. They’re obviously still close.

“You’re just like, what is this?” Cruz says to me after he and Coen catch up for a bit. Cruz laughs as he looks around the football-ified Fenway. “It’s almost like when you go to London and play on rugby fields. I played in London last year, and I was blown away by how they transformed these places. Initially it’s weird, but once you start playing, I mean, football is football. Draw those lines on the field, get those ticks on the sidelines.”

Photo by Omar Rawlings/Getty Images

Josh Mack

Josh Mack comes up to say hi to Cruz. Mack is a freshman running back for Maine from Rochester, N.Y., who’s quietly posting impressive numbers; he’s rushed for over 100 yards in six straight games. Mack asks to take a picture with Cruz for his Snapchat, and Cruz gladly agrees. I take it for them. Mack grins when I show him the photo. Then he tells me how excited he is to be here.

“This is my first time being in a major league stadium,” Mack says. He seems a little shy.

"I’ve never been to a basketball game, a football game, a baseball game, or hockey," he continues. "It’s very exciting, even though it’s a football field right now, just being here. Seeing it. My family’s going to be here, too. It’s amazing. If you asked me this last year, I wouldn’t have thought that would be me.”

Coen’s strategy for the game is basically just to give the ball the Mack. The offensive coordinator has been turning the team around, and knows what he’s doing; he has roots in college football that go about as deep as they can in this part of America. His father started the football program at Salve Regina college in Rhode Island, and Coen played quarterback for UMass from ’04 to ’08. He coached there for a few years, too, before joining the staff of the Black Bears last fall.

“I don’t want to say there’s a lack of respect for the game around here,” Coen says. “But maybe there’s a lack of importance at times. Our kids love the game as much as anybody else. Being at Fenway is unbelievable. I grew up going to games here.”

He pauses, looks around.

“Some kids understand what it is, some don’t,” he continues. “I mean, one of our kids just called the Green Monster the Big Green Wall.”

The game starts. UMass scores a touchdown immediately, and then UMaine scores on the next drive. The game is sloppy but fun. The seats have filled up a bit, and people in Minutemen and Black Bear gear roam the concourses, buying beers and hot dogs. The expansive UMass marching band, with its intricate choreography, makes the game feel celebratory, but it also kind of just highlights the emptiness. There are as many band members in the outfield stands as there are fans behind where home plate should be.

“New England has never been about college sports,” says Tom Tasker, a middle-aged guy in a Patriots hat sitting by the Sox dugout from Boylston, Mass. “If this were a Big Ten, SEC, even ACC game — it’d be sold out. I'd say there are 10,000 people here, tops. And we're freezing our asses off.”

We are freezing our asses off. I can’t feel mine, and half of my toes have gone numb. Tasker’s son is supposed to be sitting next to him, but Gillian’s, a bar down the street, is warmer and has cheaper booze, so he’s there instead. Tasker shrugs; this is normal. When UMass has played at Gillette in past seasons, hardly any students went. No one wanted to be stuck watching a bad team two hours away from campus.

“You got the Pats, the Celtics, the Sox, the Bruins. I mean, it's always been that way,” Tasker says. “UMass isn’t good; if they were good, people would rally. But I'll admit, I didn't give a rat’s ass about them ’til my son went there and his friend from high school was on the team. There are only so many hours a sports fan’s day, and only so many dollars in their wallet. If you ask me, this is about the Red Sox making money. I don't mean to be a cynic, but there are no students here.”

By the fourth quarter, Tasker is gone, and I’ve made my way up to the press box to try to seek out any bit of warmth. I’d be surprised if there are even 1,000 people remaining in the stands as the game ends. Those who did stay are mostly families of players.

These games are gimmicks, sure, but many college football games are. Take any random bowl game that doesn’t matter: It’s designed to pull in a profit for the school, venue, and the city. These Gridiron Series games ostensibly are too, though I’m not sure if the ballpark made any money on it. Fenway wouldn’t disclose figures, but in the media dining center earlier today an employee told me that while all the suites sold out for last night’s Ivy League game, hardly any did for UMass-UMaine. Regular ticket sales weren’t great across the board.

Playing not-great college football at a baseball stadium in a part of the country that cares more about professional teams makes no sense. But here we are, and for one game — even if it’s freezing cold and the crowd is small — the stage is bigger than these players are used to. The stage is Fenway, the wooden anchor in Boston’s sea of new glass and steel. We’re in the rickety, beating heart of a city, a state, a region. Whether you’re a player like Mack, who’s never been in a stadium before, or Chris Berman, who’s been in all of them, it’s exciting.

Sure, you can wine and dine alumni here. But these games this weekend have ended up mostly being gifts for college athletes who will never hear the roar of an entire state’s fan base fill a stadium, because that fan base doesn’t exist. Whether they’re from an exclusive institution or part of a public education system, these guys now all share the memory of celebrating a touchdown in Fenway’s outfield. For kids who grew up idolizing the players who smashed home runs over the Green Monster, this is the most home a game can get, and even kids who think it’s called the Big Green Wall can still recognize that today is special. And that it’s theirs forever.