#but even still turn off the lights is one of panics BEST SONGS and it is fucking STUPID that it never made the cut

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

baffles me TO THIS DAY why the vices & virtues bonus tracks never made the album. a lotta them are better than what actually made the cut and those 6 songs are some of the best music panic! ever made, especially post-split

[sturniolohouse]

Do Not Wait - M.S

a/n: this got heavier than i planned initially but i just leaned into wherever the story took me. it's also very reader focused, which i realized way too late. but, do not fret, matt is still in it :) lmk if you'd like me to continue this as a series... i hope yall like it, im proud of it.

summary: while matt is away, reader learns and struggles with some unexpected news that will change both their lives forever.

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, vomit, blood, death, grief, panic attacks, cursing. (no use of y/n)

word count: 11.7k

song: do not wait - wallows

"And it gets worse before it gets better That's one thing that I have come to know Just so you know"

“I hate to leave you like this,” Matt sighs, pushing my hair out of my face as his dark silhouette sits beside me on the bed.

I lay curled up in a ball after spending majority of the night sick. I feel terrible because I kept Matt up when he had to be up early for his flight to Chicago today.

Despite my attempts to avoid disturbing him, he spent most of the night beside me, rubbing my back while I hunched over the toilet and bringing me water.

I toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position as my restlessness and nausea worsen by the second.

Matt’s hand touches my forehead, gently pushing my hair back and mindlessly scratching my head. I sit up as another wave of nausea twists my stomach, and I take a deep breath, hoping to suppress it. Matt sits up behind me, his hand now rubbing my back as I lean over the side of the bed with my head between my knees.

Thankfully, a moment later the wave of sickness passes and I sit up straight with a small groan as my body aches.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch. I don’t want to get you sick, and you have to be up in a few hours,” I croak, but he protests, gently pulling me back into bed.

"I don't give a fuck. I'll sleep on the plane, you're staying right here,"

As the morning light begins to filter through the curtains, Matt’s alarm goes off. By then, we had maybe collectively slept an hour and I knew he must have been exhausted. He got ready quietly trying his best not to disturb me, but I was already awake.

I don’t think sleep is in the cards for me tonight.

He places the back of his hand on my forehead, then my cheek, his touch gentle and searching.

“You still don’t have a fever...I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” He sighs, his fingers sifting through my hair with a tenderness that makes my heart ache.

Even with the faint light of dawn as our only source, I can still make out his concerned expression as he scans my face.

“I've never been this sick before. It must be a bug,” My voice is hoarse from repeatedly throwing up.

“Please, stay here with Nick while I’m gone so you have someone to look after you. I’m gonna text him now so he sees it when he wakes up. God, I don’t even want to go anymore,” He wipes his hand down his face in stress and I shake my head.

“No, stop, don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be fine. I’ll stay here with Nick. Please don’t be late for your flight,” I insist, gripping his hand weakly. “I’m going to make some tea and try to get some rest.” I go to get up but he puts his hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll make you tea, while we wait for the Uber. What do you want, mint?” He asks softly, his hand rubbing up and down my hip.

I nod weakly, thanking him.

I doze off a bit while he goes to make my tea, the repercussion of not sleeping catching up to me. When I open my eyes again, he’s setting my steaming mug on the bedside shelf carefully and placing two advils next to it.

“Text me when you wake up? And let me know if you have to go to urgent care, I’ll send you an Uber.” He tells me softly, his voice trembling with an emotion he’s trying to hide.

His reluctance to leave is evident in every line of his face.

I nod tiredly, “Mm, text me when you and Chris land. Have fun in Chicago. I love you.”

“I love you,” He kisses my forehead, before grabbing his suitcase by his bedroom door and leaving.

I was able to sleep a couple of more hours before I woke up again, dry heaving into the toilet because I quite literally had nothing left in my stomach.

I showered, brushed my teeth and went into the kitchen, searching for something bland to settle my stomach. I had decided to grab a rice cake and made more mint tea before I sprawled out on the couch in one of Matt’s hoodies.

It’s not the first time he’s been away, but this time, I miss him more than I anticipated. Even the scent of his hoodie brings a wave of emotion that catches me off guard.

We’ve never been one of those couples that spends every second of every day together anyway. Not even when we first started dating. We’ve always given each other the space we need.

But I must admit I could go for one of his hugs right now.

It’s around 10 AM when Nick comes down stairs and his face tells me everything I need to know about my appearance.

“I know, I look like shit.” I deadpan and he covers his mouth with wide eyes.

“I got Matt’s texts...I thought that motherfucker was being dramatic. Are you feeling any better?” He asks with a hand on his chest.

“Well, I haven’t thrown up in three hours, so that’s a new record. Your poor brother, I kept him up all night,”

“He'll live, do you want to go to urgent care?”

“No, I’ll wait it out. It’s gotta pass and I was able to keep my breakfast down.” I wave a hand.

Nick goes to make his own breakfast, slicing an apple before coming over to sit on the couch with me.

“Apple?” He offers me, munching on his own bite.

I decline shaking my head with a frown.

Nick wanted to watch Love Island, so I let him change the TV, feeling my eyelids grow heavy. As the sounds of the show filled the room, I found myself dozing off, giving in to the rest my body needs.

When I wake up, I have a blanket over me and Nick is editing on his laptop.

He notices me move and takes his headphones off one ear.

“Hey, you feeling better? Matt keeps pestering me for updates,” He shows me his phone with messages from a worried Matt.

I sigh, “Jesus...I’ll call him. But yes, I feel better now that I've gotten some sleep.” I get up and stretch my body, wincing at my achy muscles.

“How long was I out?” I ask grabbing my phone to see my own set of messages from Matt.

Kid worries too much.

“About 3 hours, you were knocked out. I’m gonna order food, are you hungry for anything?” He asks and my stomach rumbles at the thought of one food.

“I could fuck up some tacos right now,” I raise an eyebrow at him at my suggestion.

“I like the way you’re thinking.” He snaps his fingers pointing at me in agreement.

“Birria tacos for me and a Diet Coke. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go call your brother before he has a heart attack.” I say walking to Matt’s room and calling him.

He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey,” He breaths out, his voice soft.

“What did I tell you about worrying about me?” I tease him and he laughs, sounding relieved.

"Hi!" I heard Chris shout in the background, before I heard a door close and Matt sigh. I'm guessing he went into a separate room.

“If you saw the state you were in before I left this morning, you’d be worried too. I take it you’re feeling better? Heard you napped,” He speaks up again, talking at a normal volume now.

“I was physically feeling the state I was in. But, yeah, a little better after my nap. How was your flight?” I ask, playing with the trinkets on his shelves.

“Besides me worrying the entire flight about you dehydrating and dying? Fine. A little turbulence, but nothing crazy.”

“Okay, drama, relax. I’m staying hydrated, I’ve napped, Nick and I are about to order some tacos. It must have just been a bug. I must admit, you're very cute when you worry about me though.” I smile and he hums shly.

A beat of silence goes by and I look at the photobooth picture of Matt and I on his wall.

“I miss you,” I admit to him, leaning down to inhale the collar of his sweatshirt on me.

“I miss you too. You know I haven't even been gone 12 hours though,” He reminds me, sounding amused at my unexpected sappyness.

I sigh, “I know,”

Suddenly I have a lump of emotion in my throat and he automatically hears the switch of my tone.

“Hey woah, what happened? Why are you upset?” He sounds panicked.

“Oh my god, sorry. I don’t know. I’m not even sad,” I choke back my tears.

“Doesn’t sound like it.." He doesn't sound convinced. "Do I need to come home?" He says next and I'm immediately objecting.

“What! No. Matt, I promise I’m fine.” I tell him quickly, taking off my hoodie as I begin to overheat.

“I love you... I’ll be back before you know it, okay? S'nothing we haven’t done before.” He reminds me softly and my bottom lip wobbles.

“Mhm,” I manage to get out and he sighs again.

“Sweetheart... You’re telling me not to be worried, but I’m beyond worried. Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” He pleads and I shake my head even though he can't see me.

“I honestly couldn’t tell you...I-i think I just needed to cry, and missing you isn’t helping because I wish I could hug you but you’re so f-far,” I hiccup.

“Okay, deep breaths, how about you take a nice hot shower–maybe a bath. Use Nick’s bath and when you’re done, you can eat your tacos and you’ll feel better. Okay? Listen, Chris and I are about to leave for dinner, are you going to be alright?” He checks in, sounding hesitant to hang up.

“Yes, I’m fine. Seriously. I’m sorry. I must be starting my period soon.” I compose myself, trying to ignore the sudden ache in my heart.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, his voice gentle and sweet.

Any other time, he’d be teasing me for being a crybaby—lovingly, of course—but I think he senses that my emotions are genuinely beyond my control right now.

“I love you,” he says again with emphasis, wanting to hear me say it back.

“I love you, so much," I say weakly, "Have fun at dinner and tell Chris I said hi.” I tell him, wiping my eyes.

“Will do. I’ll call you when we get back.” He says goodbye, hanging up.

I take a deep breath and I shake my head, feeling frustrated with my poorly-timed emotions. I feel terrible for worrying him more, I wanted this trip for him to be fun. Chris had really been looking forward to going with Matt—it had become a sort of tradition for the two of them. I need to get my emotions under control.

I wince again as I feel the heaviness and soreness in my breasts. Sighing, I go to my phone and check my period app to see when this torture will be over.

My stomach drops when I open the app and see I'm 13 days late.

My head feels dizzy suddenly and I pinch my eyes closed as the pit in my stomach spurs on more nausea. I lay back and put my arm over my eyes and take deep breaths.

My mind races, but I can’t seem to focus on one thought.

No, I can’t be.

I’m just stressed, that’s all.

I have an IUD, it's not possible.

But everything's adding up; the nausea, heightened emotions, late period...

I sit up slowly, feeling the weight of the realization settle on me. My heart pounds in my chest and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the flood of emotions threatening to drown me. But there’s no escaping this.

With trembling hands, I go to call Matt back, my thumb hovers over the call button but I stop myself. He’s going to dinner right now, on the opposite side of the country.

I can't burden him with this, not when I don’t even know for sure.

Dropping my phone onto the bed beside me, I try to self soothe, taking deep breaths to steady myself, but the anxiety is relentless.

I walk out of the room and Nick is asking me what kind of salsa I want with my tacos before he looks up at me. He immediately furrows his brows in worry.

“Hey–what's going on, are you okay?” He sits up and places his laptop on the coffee table.

“I-I can't breath,” I gasp, reaching out for him, feeling like a little kid.

He instantly stands up, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“What’s happened? Deep breaths, big deep breaths. There you go,” He rubs my back and I breath deeply with him.

My cheek smushed into his chest as I listen to the beating of his heart to help ground me. I pull away, still trembling and shake my head, unsure if I should even be telling Nick this.

This should be Matt.

Nick's eyes search mine, sensing my hesitancy. “You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready,” he says softly, his hands rubbing my shoulders.

I bite my lip, feeling a mix of guilt and desperation.

I don’t want to drag Nick into something so personal, but this is too overwhelming to keep bottled up.

“I… I think I might be pregnant,” I finally whisper, the words barely escaping my lips.

Saying it out loud makes it feel all the more real, and the weight of it presses down on me like a ton of bricks.

Nick’s expression shifts from worry to shock, his mouth falling agape and silence ringing between us. Once he hears me whimper, he snaps out of it and brings me back into a bone crushing hug.

"Shh, okay–it's okay, um…” His voice wavers, and I can feel his heart racing against my cheek.

For a moment, it seems like he’s trying to find the right words, but all that comes out is a nervous laugh.

“This is… wow, this is big. I'm sorry– I don't know what else to say right now,” His voice high pitched and shaky.

I can’t help but let out a shaky laugh with him, even through my anxiety.

“Yeah, big,” I agree, my voice barely above a whisper.

Nick pulls back just enough to look at me, his uncertainty showing in the way his eyes dart around, trying to process everything at once.

“I mean, I’m no expert on this—obviously—but we'll figure this out. You're gonna be okay, everything's gonna be okay.”

His reassurance is genuine, but I can see he's trying to convince himself too; a flicker of doubt in his eyes.

This is uncharted territory for both of us.

Nick and I had decided to order the tests along with the food, killing two birds with one stone. He’s doing his best to stay calm for my sake, but the trembling of his hands as he places the order is hard to miss.

"Okay, tacos and tests are on the way. I got, well, all of them because I don't know which one is best. I even got ice cream. Fuck, when did it get so hot in here? I'm overheating–are you overheating?" He says, his words moving a mile a minute as he fans himself with his shirt.

I can't help but to laugh as his nerves show and he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, I know you're the one potentially knocked up by my idiot brother but I'm just so nervous. I'm sweating like a monster," His voice cracks.

"Do you mind if I use your bath?" I ask and he nods right away.

“Are you kidding? Of course, go ahead. Someone has to use it. I’m gonna…Well, I’ll just wait out here and try to chill.” He gives me a quick, reassuring smile, though it’s clear he’s still on edge.

I head to his bathroom and try to forget about my racing thoughts.

I turn the faucet on and put in some bath salts, checking the temperature before I step over to the vanity mirror. I take a look at my appearance and notice the puffiness in my face right away. My cheeks are flushed and my eyes are bloodshot.

I blow out a raspberry as I undress and get into the hot water.

The heat soothes my aching muscles and clears my mind. I soaked for a while, even draining a bit of the water and refilling the tub with more hot water. Once I feel myself pruning, I decide it's time I get out.

As I dry myself off, I notice light blood on the towel. My heart races, and I quickly check again—I'm bleeding. Very lightly, but there’s blood.

Relief floods through me, and I almost cry again, this time from the emotional whiplash. My legs feel shaky, so I sit down on the edge of the tub to steady myself, my breath coming out in shaky bursts.

Clutching the towel to my chest, I close my eyes and let out a long, relieved sigh.

“Thank God,” I whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

I try not to dwell on the small part of me that almost wanted to feel disappointed. Maybe even mourning the part of me that might have embraced being pregnant–excited, even.

Instead, I focus on center of my emotions, the part where a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Eventually, I pull myself together, cleaning myself up and getting dressed.

When I step out of the bathroom, Nick is on his bed, clearly trying to keep himself distracted. My eyes go to the food and the tests at the foot of the bed.

As soon as he sees me, he shoots up, his expression immediately shifting to one of concern.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice soft. I nod, a small smile breaking through the lingering anxiety.

“I’m okay,” I say, my voice a little shaky. “I uh…I got my period, I think,”

Nick’s face lights up with relief, his shoulders visibly relaxing. “Oh, thank God,” he shouts, “This is great fucking news—right?” He checks in and I nod.

“Yeah,” I agree, feeling a little dazed by how quickly everything has turned around. “I think we’re in the clear. We won't be needing those tests, I'll pay you back for them,"

Nick ignores me, pulling me into a bear hug, his arms so tight around me, I can barely breath.

“Shut up I don't care,” he says, “You don't have a parasite in you!" He cheers, jumping us up and down.

We both let out laughs, the tension that had been looming over us now replaced with a lightness.

“Let’s eat,” I suggest, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Nick nods, "Couldn't agree more,"

We sit on his bed and for the first time all day, I feel like I can actually breathe.

As we dig into the tacos, Nick puts Love Island back on and we rot in bed for a few hours.

But even as we talk and laugh, there's still a pit in my stomach. A small portion of me can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t over yet.

Yeah, there's was blood. But it was different than my normal period. It was lighter.

I try not to panic, but I can't help but feel like my intuition is trying to tell me something. For now, I push my thoughts aside, focusing on Nick beside me yelling at the annoying horny people on his TV.

Nick offered for me to sleep in his room but I declined, wanting to sleep in Matt's bed.

Matt never called me, but he texted me apologizing and checking in on me. I listened to a voice memo he sent me of all they did today and I was genuinely glad he was having fun, so I didn't mind him not calling.

Plus, I'm not entirely sure I'm in the right state of mind to have a conversation with him right now. I wouldn't be able to keep today's events to myself.

I know I can’t keep him in the dark—I need to tell him what’s going on.

I glance at the stack of tests on his dresser and sigh. The bleeding from earlier has stopped, leaving me with a pit in my stomach.

I know I’ll have to take those tests, even if only for clarity. But for now, I’m going to force myself to sleep.

I find myself in a place that feels both familiar and strange. It's warm, the sun showering the garden and I immediately know I'm in my grandmother's backyard.

The breeze picks up, carrying the scent of blooming flowers—lilies, hyacinths, peonies, and marigolds—enveloping me in a peacefulness that feels like a comforting blanket.

I walk along the familiar stone path, my fingers grazing the soft petals of the flowers. Each step feeling like a compelling, magnetic pull, guiding me deeper into the garden.

I see her then–my grandmother, seated on a wooden bench beneath the shade of the large oak tree I used to climb as a child.

My breath hitches, she doesn't look sick. Her smile is lively, her cheeks rosy and the green in her eyes vibrant.

But there’s something else different, a kind of ethereal glow about her that sends a chill down my spine.

“Come here, my girl,” she says, her voice soft and inviting.

I walk over to her, feeling a strange mix of emotions: comfort, longing, and an inexplicable sadness.

I sit down beside her and she takes my hand in hers, her touch warm and reassuring.

“I’ve missed you,” I say, my voice thick with emotion, unable to fathom her not sick in a hospital bed.

She smiles, her eyes full of love. “I haven't gone anywhere."

There’s a pause as I try to process her words, but then she looks at me knowingly, another shiver down my spine.

"You're glowing," She hums, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I look at her confused until she places a hand to my stomach. My breath hitches and I can't control the tear that rolls down my cheek.

I shake my head in disbelief, "How...d-do you know?" I whisper, my voice getting lost in the intoxicating breeze.

It's then that I feel a deep flutter in my stomach, one that I can't describe.

I place my hand over my grandmother's that still rests on my stomach. The flutter intensifies, my heart mimicking the pattern as warmth blooms in my chest. The feeling is overwhelming.

An unexpected, joyous sob escapes my lips before I can stop it, tears blurring my vision.

“You're both going to be okay,” My grandmother says softly, gently wiping away my tears.

My lip wobbles and I let out a shaky breath before she speaks up again.

“She’s strong too, just like you.”

“She..?” I squeak. My grandmother’s smile returns, softer this time and she nods.

A wave of shock and confusion washes over me, but before I can ask more, the garden begins to fade. The colors bleeding into each other until everything is a swirl of light.

Her voice echoes as the dream dissolves, “Don't be afraid, Petal.”

I shoot up, my heart racing, my face soaked in tears and my body covered in a cold sweat. I feel disoriented as I take in my surroundings and my mind tries to grasp the remnants of the dream.

My grandmother’s face, her words, the fluttering in my stomach. But now, that fluttering has turned into a twisting feeling in my gut.

Something was wrong.

My phone buzzes, startling me out of my tangled, fuzzy thoughts. My hands tremble slightly as I reach for my phone.

It’s my mom.

“Hello?” I answer, my voice thick with sleep and confusion.

There’s a pause on the other end, and then my mom’s voice comes through, shaky and heavy with emotion.

“Honey...I'm sorry I'm calling you so early, but it’s Grandma....Sh-she passed in her sleep early this morning.”

The words hit me like a punch in the gut, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. She continues to talk but I can't hear her, my ears ring and time slows down.

A flood of emotions overcome me.

Grief, shock, and the strange sense that the dream was more than just a figment of my imagination.

As the reality of her passing sinks in, I’m left with the weight of her final words to me. She was telling me something important, something I can’t ignore anymore.

My stomach twists again and I bolt to the bathroom where I throw up until I'm dry heaving into the toilet.

-

I'm not even shocked when the test immediately shows up positive. I stare blankly at the two pink lines, the only hint of emotion is the tremor in my hand as I grab the test and chuck it into the trash can.

I feel numb.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I see the emptiness in my eyes, the darkness encasing them. The person staring back is a stranger.

I'm pregnant.

I should be feeling joy, maybe even excitement—I want to at least, but all I feel is nothing. My experience overshadowed by my grief. By the anomaly of this situation, how this could have happened.

I have an IUD, I was bleeding, but here we are.

I wanted Matt to be the first to know, to share in that moment with him, but now everything feels wrong, out of order.

I feel robbed of the happiness I should be feeling.

I step into the shower and let the scalding hot water claw at my skin. I finally let myself break down, grief rattling through me and slicing me open.

My dream replays in my mind over and over again. My grandmother's eyes, her warmth, her words, her hand on my stomach.

“You’re both going to be okay,”

My hand instinctively goes to my stomach. I press my palm into my abdomen, expecting to feel that flutter, desperate to feel any sort of connection with the life that's there–to cling to the intense joy from my dream...but there's nothing.

It was ripped away from me from the moment I woke up.

“She’s strong too, just like you,”

I whimper, the sound dissolving into the rush of the water.

I don’t feel strong. I feel weak.

My grandmother told me not to be afraid, but I can’t escape this overwhelming anxiety, the suffocating uncertainty that engulfs me.

The tightness in my chest, the heaviness in my heart, the deep-seated guilt that festers within me.

I cry and cry and cry until I can’t anymore, until the tears run dry, leaving only the ache in my chest.

When the water turns cold and the sun fully rises, is when I finally get out. My feet drag beneath me as I walk back into Matt's room and get dressed.

I pull on one of Matt's crewnecks and some sweats before I go into the kitchen to make a tea.

I make myself an Earl Grey, my grandmother's favorite.

I sit down at the dining table and book the first flight back home to Maine, which is tomorrow morning. My mom and I spoke again and she told me the funeral isn't until next week, but I wanted to be there for her. I couldn’t stay here right now.

My stomach growls loudly and I press my palms into my eye sockets. I suppose I should really eat something with substance, especially now.

I grab the berries from the fridge that are in their last leg, washing them before forcing myself to eat. The tartness of the blueberries sparks a memory of helping my grandmother make blueberry pancakes on Sunday mornings. I smile sadly at the fond memory of being her little sous chef.

When 7 AM rolls around, restlessness overtakes me and I step outside, sitting in the front stoop before calling Matt.

"You're up early," His voice thick with sleep as he greets me through the line.

"Hey," I say weakly, letting out a sigh as I gaze up at the clear sky. There's not a single cloud in sight.

"What's wrong?" His tone immediately shifts to concern.

"Matt... my grandma passed this morning," I start, my voice trembling slightly.

I omit the dream and the positive pregnancy test in his bathroom, grateful that he can't see my face.

There's a heavy sigh on the other end. "I'm so sorry. I know she was sick for a while... Are you doing okay? How's your mom?"

"I'm... managing. And my mom, she's actually doing okay. I think we're all relieved in a way, you know? It was only a matter of time. I'm just glad she's not suffering anymore," I navigate my feelings about her passing, my voice surprisingly steady.

"Of course," His voice is so soft, fueling my longing for his touch.

"Do you think…there's any way you can change your flight on Tuesday to go to Maine? The funeral isn’t until next Thursday, but I’m getting there tomorrow afternoon." I ask, playing with a loose string on my sweatpants.

"Of course, I'll look at flights right now," he responds without hesitation.

"Thank you, I just....I need you there," I tell him, feeling a tightness in my chest when I avoid mentioning the conversation we need to have.

"I'll be there. I found a flight that will get me there tomorrow night."

"Matt–" I start to protest.

"I already changed it. No refunds," He cuts me off, his voice firm. "Sweetheart, you need me, I'm not going to make you wait until fucking Tuesday."

"What about the rest of your trip? You'll miss the rest of the festival, and Chris–" I try and reason with him.

"Listen to me carefully...I don't give a fuck about the festival. You need me there, and I'm going to be there. Chris will be fine, he's a big boy. He has Sam here with him and they'll fly back to LA together," His tone leaving no room for argument, his mind was made up.

A small, grateful smile tugs at my lips as tears well up in my eyes.

"I love you," I manage to say, my voice trembles with emotion.

"I love you, so much it hurts. I wish I could hug you right now but I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I’m gonna go talk to Chris, text me or call me if you need me. I mean it, kid."

“I will,” I promise, ending the call and looking up at the sky again, wrapping my arms around myself as the cool morning air brushes against my skin.

I take a deep breath, the air filling my lungs grounding me. As I exhale, I try to focus on the one thing I know for sure—I may not feel strong, but I need to be and not just for myself, but for the life growing inside of me.

My grandmother's words echo in my mind.

"Don't be afraid, Petal."

–

Nick wakes up shortly after, only taking one look at me before I’m breaking down again—the weight of everything crashing down on me like another tidal wave.

I tell him everything, my dream, my grandmother's passing, I show him the positive pregnancy test.

I cry into his chest, feeling overwhelmed.

"I'm just s-so confused," I manage to say between sobs. "In my dream, I was so happy... everything felt right. I felt connected with..." My words trail off, dissolving into incoherent blubbering.

Nick just listens, rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles.

"Listen," he begins softly, "your body is under a lot of stress right now. You just found out about your grandma, and then this very unexpected news on top of it… Every single emotion you’re feeling is normal, and 100 percent valid. But you have so many people by your side who love you and will help you through this, no matter what you decide..."

I sniffle, trying to regulate my breathing as I take in his words.

"I'm angry, too," I admit, my voice cracking with the strain of holding it all in. "This is so unfair. The timing of this couldn't be worse... I can't even talk to Matt and I feel awful keeping this from him. He shouldn't have to find out like this."

"Everything is going to be okay, deep breaths," Nick repeats, his voice calm as he helps me process the flood of emotions.

I blow out a raspberry, pulling back and running my hands down my face in frustration. When I look at him, he's watching me cautiously, trying to read my expression.

"I'm pregnant," I say softly, the words finally leaving my lips for the first time.

A mix of emotions swirls in my chest and stomach—fear, uncertainty, a strange kind of acceptance.

Nick nods slowly, his eyes still scanning my face, and for a moment, I find myself imagining if this was me telling Matt.

More dread fills me.

How will he react? Will he be the support I need?

We’ve talked about having kids before. They were always in the cards for us, but never this soon.

We only just started to discuss getting our own place and now our lives are going to be changing forever.

Nick helped me pack as I tried to arrange a last-minute appointment to confirm my pregnancy, which proved to be quite the ordeal.

The receptionists initially inform me that they didn't have any openings for weeks. However, when I mention the IUD and a positive pregnancy test, the urgency in their voice shifted dramatically.

They told me to come in right away.

The urgency in the receptionists voice on the phone didn’t help my nerves. Neither when they took me straight into an examination room the minute I told them my name.

They take my vitals, draw my blood and give me a cup to pee in.

I left Nick in the waiting room, dressing down into the gown they placed neatly on the exam chair. I look around at the diagrams of the fetuses and the posters of the development. I’ve seen these countless times and never thought twice, but this time I feel unsettled.

I swallow thickly and sit on the loud crinkly paper with the anticipation of the doctor coming in soon.

There’s a soft double knock on the door before a head of wild, curly hair peeks in.

“Hello, hello. I’m Dr. Sullivan,” She says washing her hands and sitting down on the swivel stool next to the examination chair.

The woman has a mane of big, unruly curls that frame her face, with chunky black square-framed glasses perched on her slightly humped nose, drawing attention to her bright hazel eyes. A wide smile, complete with a distinctive gap between her two front teeth, radiates warmth and adds to her quirky charm. She almost seems like a character out of a cartoon—lanky, with an energetic, bouncy stride that matches her bubbly personality. She can't be much older than my mother.

"So, you are in fact pregnant. The lab results confirmed the presence of HCG, which is the hormone produced during pregnancy. "

“Do you have any idea how this happened? I mean, obviously I know how it happened but, I have an IUD.” I say, still trying to wrap my head around the situation.

She nods dramatically, her lips pressing into a line as she listens to my concerns.

“Unfortunately, no birth control is 100 percent effective. In most cases, the IUD might have been displaced, or in some instances, the body rejects the device without you knowing. I actually would like to get clarity on that with an ultrasound, but I think it’s important for you to know the risks of this scenario here.” She says, turning slightly more serious.

“Risks?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes,” she says softly, “There is a possibility that, due to you having an IUD, this pregnancy may not be viable. Having an IUD increases the risk of what we call an ectopic pregnancy... are you familiar with that term?” Her hazel eyes lock onto mine and I shake my head, my heart starting to pound.

“Well, because you have a contraceptive device in the space where a fetus would normally develop, there's a risk that the pregnancy could occur outside the uterus. Typically the egg will implant itself in the fallopian tubes, which cannot host a safe or viable pregnancy...And if not treated immediately, the tube can rupture and cause internal hemorrhaging," She explains gently, carefully choosing her words to convey the seriousness of the situation.

I feel my heartbeat in my ears now as I process her words.

"So you're saying, this can be life threatening...for me and the..." My throat closes up and I can't finish my sentence.

She must take notice of the panic in my face, her round eyes widening slightly.

"If it goes untreated, yes. But I don't say this to make you panic, you're in good hands and whatever happens, we will take the next steps together." She places a hand on my knee, giving the tissue box so I can dry my uncontrollable tears.

"Based on your last period, you should be about seven weeks along. This ultrasound will confirm that and also ensure the pregnancy is positioned in the uterus. Before we proceed, I'd like to ask you a few questions... do you need a minute?" she asks gently, noticing my unease.

I hiccup and shake my head. "N-no, I'll be okay. Sorry," I mumble, wiping my nose.

"Don't apologize," she says kindly, giving me a moment to collect myself anyway, which I appreciate.

For a moment, I consider calling Nick in, but I decide against it. Even though we're close, this may be a little too personal, even for him and I.

"Have you been experiencing any cramping or discomfort in your back or abdomen?" She asks and typing my answer into the computer as I tell her no.

"Any spotting or bleeding?"

"I had some light bleeding last night, it only lasted maybe an hour... I had thought it was my period, but I knew something was off." I explain to her and she nods.

"That was most likely implantation bleeding, which is normal. It can be light spotting of blood, or some women experience heavy bleeding, similar to a period." She continues to take her notes before looking to me again, "Any tenderness in your breasts?"

"Oh, for sure. My breasts have been very sore the past few days,"

"Any nausea or vomiting?"

"Yes, the last couple of days–especially at night, I've been vomiting. I haven't really been sleeping well because of it."

"Yeah, the term 'morning sickness' is misleading... It can happen any time of day, you seem to be experiencing yours during the evening. Any other symptoms you've noticed that you'd like to note?" She asks and I try to think of some things.

"Uhh, I guess I've been more tired than usual, but I chalked that up to being up all night sick...I've also been getting hot flashes recently and I've definitely been more emotional,"

"These are all good to note, thank you very much," She pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose before typing again.

She swivels herself back towards me, smiling warmly.

"We'll go ahead with the ultrasound now. But to get an accurate picture, we're going to do a transvaginal ultrasound, if that's okay with you."

"Okay, that's fine," I say, shakily.

She pulls the ultrasound cart to toward her before standing to move the stirrups into place so I can place my feet into them. She places a privacy cloth over me and I take a deep breath.

She puts a covering on the sheath of the ultrasound wand and places lubricant on the top of it. She taps a few buttons on the computer, calibrating the machine before turning towards me with a reassuring smile.

"So this will feel cold and you might feel a little pressure but if you feel any discomfort don't be afraid to tell me." She informs before placing the device inside to create the image.

I try not to wince and try to relax as much as possible. I go to look toward the screen but she has it faced towards her, so I opt to reading her facial expressions.

Dr. Sullivan adjusts her glasses by putting them on the tip of her nose and tilting her head back to get a better view.

She's quite animated with her expressions, her mouth opening slightly in concentration as she looks over the screen.

Although I can't see what she's looking at, she seems pleased, which is a relief.

"Okay, so good sign so far, I see your IUD," Dr. Sullivan says, leaning forward and pointing to the screen. "I can clearly see that it's sitting at the top of your cervix. It’s shifted down and away from your uterus. Do you happen to experience heavy cramping during your cycle?" she asks, her fingers tapping some buttons on the monitor.

"Yes, I do," I reply, the worry still gnawing at me.

She nods thoughtfully. "That could explain the displacement. Sometimes, intense cramping can cause the IUD to shift from its original position. It’s not common, but it does happen. It’s good that we’ve caught it now."

"I see the embryonic sac in, from what I can tell, a great spot. You're measuring at about 6 or 7 weeks along. Size of a blueberry." She says and I stop breathing.

I don't even hesitate to say yes as she asks if I would like to see.

My eyes are glued to the screen as I follow where her finger points, focusing on the grainy image. There it is—a tiny black oval with an even tinier dot in the middle. It's so small, I almost think I'm looking at the wrong thing.

“That’s... them?” I whisper, my voice barely audible as I try to comprehend the sight in front of me.

Dr. Sullivan nods, her expression tender. "That's your baby. It's early, but everything looks promising..."

"Really?" I squeak, still in disbelief, my throat tightening with sudden emotion as more tears fall down my face.

Relief— as she nods in confirmation, handing me the tissue box again.

Hope— as she zooms in, showing me the flickering of the heartbeat.

Joy—as I hear the heartbeat, feeling it sync with the thumping of my own.

For the first time since my dream, I feel joy, something beyond the crippling dread that had loomed over me all day. My heart swells and then bursts as I continue to stare at the flickering dot on the screen, blinking away the tears that blur my vision.

I breathe in shakily before a laugh escapes through a sob.

"Nice strong heartbeat, everything looks as it should... this looks like a healthy pregnancy," Dr. Sullivan announces, gently removing the ultrasound wand but keeping a looped video on the screen, allowing me a few more moments to take it all in.

"She's strong too, just like you,"

"So, the next step—for your safety—would be to remove the IUD today," she continues, her tone calm yet serious. "We can also discuss your options moving forward, including your decision on whether or not you would like to continue with the pregnancy. It's important to weigh all the possibilities and make the choice that's right for you."

"I-I'm gonna continue the pregnancy. It was in no way planned, but–"

"You don't need to explain...I had a feeling" She dismisses me gently, giving me a knowing smile, "I guess this calls for a congratulations,"

"Thank you," I say just above my breath, warmth still blooming through my chest.

After Dr. Sullivan removes my IUD, she tells me to dress while she steps out to calculate my due date.

I stare at the printed ultrasound picture, my heart swelling with a fierce protectiveness. I’m not worried about the complications or uncertainties ahead right now. All that matters is this life inside me.

I feel much stronger than I did merely hours ago.

My due date was February 7th, the same as my grandmother’s birthday.

–

I had landed in Maine a few hours ago, my mom and I were organizing all of my grandma's belongings. We spent the afternoon together, grabbing lunch before heading over to my grandmother's house.

The house always felt like a time capsule, preserving every memory. The duck wallpaper in the dining room, the scent of pine and clove, the worn couch cushions, her miniature schnauzer figurine collection, and the framed pressed flowers from her children’s weddings—everything was always in its rightful place. It always looked the same.

Memories of me and my siblings spending weekends here whirling behind my eyelids as I inhale the familiar scent.

It evokes a bittersweet feeling.

We keep the mood light, sharing stories with each memory we packed away. I still saw the flicker of sadness in my mom's eyes, even through her laughter as we reminisced.

Sitting on the carpet in the living room, we go through the boxes full of pictures to put together a collage for the funeral. I come across a picture of my mother pregnant with my older brother.

It's a candid photo in the kitchen of my grandmother's house, her hand resting on her swollen belly that pokes out the bottom of her blue shirt, a soft smile on her face. My grandmother is beside her, beaming with pride, tying an apron around her waist.

My mother looked so young, her freckles prominent on her flushed cheeks and her smile crinkling the corners of her eyes.

I was always told I looked more like my dad, but seeing her like this, so close to my own age now, I can't help but notice the resemblance.

My mom notices my pause and looks over my shoulder. "That was just a few weeks before your brother was born," she says softly, her voice laced with nostalgia. "Your grandmother knew we were having a boy from the moment we told her,"

Her words send a chill down my spine.

I linger on the photo, feeling a wave of emotion rise up at the mention of my grandmother as the weight of my own news presses heavier on my chest.

"Were you really sick, when you were pregnant?" I ask, lowly.

She hums in thought, "With your brother? Only for maybe the first few weeks. With you though? Forget about it, I was sick everyday for months."

I stay silent for a moment, studying another photo of my mom and dad in the hospital room with my brother the day he was born. My mom is in the hospital bed, looking tired but radiant, while my dad is crouched next to her, gently cradling my brother in his arms.

"He was so bald," I laugh softly, and my mom chuckles beside me.

"His hair was so blonde, it was practically see-through. Your father called him 'egghead' for the first two months of his life," she says, shaking her head and rolling her eyes with a smile.

I look at the photo again, my gaze lingering on my mom's face. Her expression is filled with such warmth and love as she looks at my dad.

"How did you tell dad? You guys were both pretty young," I ask and she stifles a laugh.

"We actually found out together in a gas station bathroom..." She starts off with a slightly shameful smile, "I had been so sick on our camping trip with your aunt and uncle, so I decided on our way back home to take a test. We were shocked to say the least, but we were happy," She shrugs casually.

I think about how I was alone when I found out I was pregnant. Matt wasn't there, and it wasn't his fault, but the last 36 hours of keeping this from him has been torture.

The moment I saw the second line show up with fresh cold sweat still rolling down my neck, I had to bottle up this relentless guilt.

I feel guilt. It wasn't anyone's fault. This is the most serendipitous situation I've ever been in, but I put the blame on me. I have a choice and I'm choosing the route that will completely flip our already hectic lives upside down.

Tethering us together for life.

Even if this decision it feels right, it still carries an enormous weight. It’s not just my life that’s about to change—it's Matt’s too.

I have no doubt Matt will be supportive, but when you're left alone with your thoughts long enough, you can convince yourself of anything.

I've spent every waking minute wondering how he'll react, imagining every possible scenario, from the worst to the best. It's been an endless loop of 'what ifs,' and it’s taken everything in me not to just blurt it out over the phone.

"Were you scared at all? I mean, weren't you like 20?" I press, searching for reassurance in her response.

Her eyes widen before nodding, "Oh, we were scared shitless. Your father almost passed out. We had no idea what we were doing, but hey, we survived. For better or for worse,"

I nod, looking down at my lap and fidgeting with my fingers. My chest feels tight, and the weight of everything becomes almost unbearable.

"Mom, there's something I need to tell you... I–"

"I know," She looks at me with a small smile, her green eyes glistening with tears.

My brows furrow together, giving her a confused look.

"You do?" I ask, my voice trembling.

She shrugs, "I know everything, I'm your mom... Plus, you gagged at the smell of chicken today, that was a dead giveaway." She bites back a smirk and I cover my face, laughing through some tears before looking at her again.

"I guess I’m not as good at hiding things as I thought."

"You never were," She says softly as she scoots closer to me, bringing me into her warm embrace.

I sigh deeply into her, squeezing her tight and breathing in her comforting scent.

"How are you feeling?" she asks, still holding onto me.

"Scared shitless..." I joke and we share a laugh before she pulls back to wipe the tears that escaped against my will, "But I'm happy," I admit, scanning my mother's face for any sign of judgement.

There was none.

She wipes her own few tears, looking at me with only love in her eyes.

"My baby's having a baby,"

"I think grandma sent me this baby," I whisper, allowing my emotions to come through.

My mom tucks my hair behind my ear with her gentle, comforting touch and she listens intently as I tell her my dream. We hold onto each other and cry. I then show her the ultrasound pictures and we talk until the sun disappears.

My phone buzzes softly and I check the message to find Matt’s text that he’s landed and on his way. The reality of his imminent arrival causes a mixed-wave of nausea and guilt to wash over me.

My mom looks at me with a reassuring smile.

"I'll leave you two be so you can talk. I'll see you in the morning, my love." She tells me softly, kissing my cheek and hugging me tight.

Matt and I were gonna stay here during our time in Maine. It's best right now that we have our own space, especially since my brother and his girlfriend are staying by my parents house.

As she heads out, I take a deep breath and text Matt to let him know the door is unlocked. I slip into the shower, trying to calm my racing thoughts and steady my nerves. The warm water helps, but my mind keeps racing as I mentally prepare for the conversation ahead.

Wrapped in a towel, I check my reflection in the mirror, trying to see if I look any more put together than before.

I think this is the best we're going to get.

I jump when I here the front door open and shut, then some feet shuffling. My heart skips a beat.

Matt's here.

"It's just me," I hear him call out as well as more shuffling and a paper bag crinkling.

"Hey! I-I'll be right out!" I call back out, my heart picking up again but I take a deep breath.

I quickly get dressed in a tank top and shorts; there's a heat wave here, and I can't figure out how to adjust the thermostat.

I step out of the bathroom to see Matt standing at the kitchen island, unpacking burgers and fries onto the counter. The aroma of it makes my stomach growl and I realize I hadn't eaten anything since lunch.

I admire him for a second; he's wearing pink sweatpants, a black hoodie and a backwards fitted hat.

He turns at the sound of my presence and his face softens. I'm trembling when he steps forward to embrace me into a tight hug. He buries his face into my neck before giving me a few kisses there.

"Hi," I breath out, my voice shaky.

I was so nervous.

"Hey, you okay?" His voice is so soft, my heart aches. He pulls away, rubbing his hands up and down my arms while scanning my face.

"You're shaking. What's going on?" He presses.

He knows something is up, he can see it all over my face. I shake my head, brushing it off to have one more minute with him.

I pull him back to me, wrapping my arms around his neck this time and locking him against me. He bends down a bit to accommodate but doesn't question it, just hugging me back. His arms wrapping around my waist and pressing our stomachs together.

My heart is slamming against my ribcage and I know he can feel it, his thumb rubbing my hip soothingly tells me he does.

"How are you doing?" His voice is muffled with his face buried into my neck.

"I'm okay, better now that you're here. I missed you," I mumble, kissing the side of his neck and running my hand down between his shoulder blades.

I breath him in, noting the warmth of him and the solidness of his body against me.

"I missed you... I brought us food. I don't know about you, but I'm fucking starving," He puts his hands on my hips to pull back from the hug, but I stay put.

He chuckles, giving me one more squeeze.

I pull back just enough to line our faces up and give him a kiss, which he eagerly returns.

"Thank you for being here, it means a lot," I say against his lips and he pulls back slightly to push my hair out of my face.

"I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else." He hums into another kiss, then places three quick pecks before giving my butt a light tap, signaling that it’s time to let him go.

I finally release him and head to the food on the counter.

"I passed a Five Guys on the way here, so I hope that's good for you," He grabs a handful of fries before munching on them.

As I reach the counter, the smell of the burgers makes my mouth water, and I can’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness.

“Five Guys is perfect, thank you,” I say, grabbing a fry from the bag and tasting its salty warmth.

Matt grins, clearly pleased with himself. “Good, because I was too hungry to think of anything else,” he jokes, unwrapping one of the burgers and handing it to me.

I take it, thanking him quietly, my fingers brushing against his. For a moment, I just look at him.

He’s here, and I should be telling him I’m pregnant with his child, but instead, we’re standing in the kitchen eating burgers. As if I’m trying to cling to this last bit of normalcy before everything changes.

I force myself to take a bite of my burger, moaning at the greasy, savory goodness. Matt smirks at me, taking a hearty bite of his own burger.

“S’good?” he asks through his bite, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

I nod, moaning again in response, savoring the taste as it temporarily distracts me from everything else.

Matt takes a sip of his drink before bringing a napkin to my face and wiping the corner of my mouth and chin.

"Wipe ya lip, kid," He teases and I roll my eyes, grabbing the napkin from him.

Matt inhales another large bite of his burger, and we slip into our familiar rhythm.

He tells me about his brief trip to Chicago, and I’m relieved to hear he managed to gather a few funny stories and catch at least one day of the festival. He’s notably enthusiastic while he talks, and I can’t help but smile at his excitement.

He also reassured me that Chris wasn't upset at all, which I already knew from the sweet text he sent me this morning.

“Well, I’m glad you had fun,” I say, trying to match his enthusiasm.

I then give him the rundown for the next few days while we prepare for the funeral and memorial.

We continue eating, the conversation shifting to lighter topics as we enjoy the burgers and each other’s company.

It feels so easy, so light. It always is with us. But underneath the surface, the words I need to say weigh heavy on my mind, threatening to break the easy rhythm.

Matt watches me closely, his own burger forgotten for the moment as he sees me disappear inside my head again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks again, his eyes look between mine. “You seem… I don’t know, you're acting weird.” He tries to find the right words.

"Matt..." I go to dismiss him, getting up slowly but he cuts me off, standing up too.

"No, I'm serious. You've been acting weird for days, and I'm no longer 2000 miles away for you to push me away or avoid me." He steps closer to me, trapping me against the counter with his arms on either side of me.

"Is it your about grandma? Did something else happen while I was gone?" He throws out, looking between my eyes.

"I–" I try to speak up but my voice gets caught in my throat and I get lost in the icy storm of his relentless gaze.

"It's not just my grandma," I manage to say, the admission causing him to soften slightly, a glimmer of relief at the small breakthrough.

"Okay, so talk to me, sweetheart. Please, I've been worried sick about you. You have no idea," he pleads, his breath brushing against my skin.

"I didn't know how to tell you..." I try to put together my words but I feel like I'm making it all worse.

I watch as his eyebrows pinch together and he leans down more so he's eye level with me instead towering over me.

"Tell me what, kid. I'm not a mind reader," His voice strains, frustration evident in his face.

When I try to break eye contact with him he pulls my chin to align our eyes again.

"What, d'you crash my car?" he guesses, clearly joking, his eyebrows raising playfully.

I can't help but smile and snort at his attempt to ease the tension.

"No, it’s not that," I say, my voice cracking slightly. "It's much bigger than that," I trail off and he waits expectantly.

"I uh– I went to the doctor yesterday," I pause and study his face, which drops ever so slightly, seeming to be bracing himself.

He stays silent, whether it was out of patience or fear, nothing could have prepared for my next sentence.

"I went to confirm that I was pregnant," I finally blurt out, my voice shaky, and he freezes.

Not one muscle moves in his face or his body.

"You're..." His voice cracks and he clears his dry throat, hitting his chest, "Are you serious?"

"I'm seven weeks, or a month and a half," I stammer, my voice wavering. "I don't really know how to—"

"Seven..." He whispers in disbelief, the shock settling in and I nod. "Y-you were on birth control– you have that AED–"

"IUD, yes, I did. It still happened, that shit is useless if it moves out of place," I explain and he looks down between us.

"A-and everything's okay, you're okay?" He looks up at me again, holding onto my face.

I take hold of his wrists, rubbing my thumb over his skin.

"I'm fine, the baby's fine..." I say softly and his eyes widen in realization as he pales.

"Oh my fucking god," He pulls back, cupping his hands over his mouth. "I need to sit down."

"Okay, okay. Do you want water?" I panic, hoping he doesn't pass out or puke.

He takes a seat at the dining table, shaking his head before taking off his hat and leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Oh my god, I thought I was crazy..." He says, his voice cracking with nerves as he presses his palms into his eye sockets.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"I had a feeling all fucking week," he says, his voice still shaky, and my brows knit together.

"I knew something was up. You were acting different. You were moodier than usual, you were napping all the time—and you never nap... and your tits are huge," he adds, and I roll my eyes.

"Sorry, that’s beside the point," he continues quickly, "I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you could be... I think I was trying to convince myself you weren't, but then you were so sick before I left," he rambles, staring blankly at the wall.

"It's a lot to take in, I know." I swallow thickly as I watch him process everything.

"You're pregnant," he says finally, looking at me again, this time with tears brimming his eyes. "And you were dealing with all of this by yourself," His voice is low and I shake my head, moving to stand between his legs, cupping his face gently.

"Hey, no. None of that... How could you have known?" I shush him and pull his head towards my chest.

His hands rest behind my thighs, his thumb lightly stroking my right leg. I run my fingers through his hair, comforting him as much as he's comforting me.

"I've been so scared to tell you..." I confess softly and he pulls back slightly, looking up at me with his brows furrowed.

"I know this wasn't part of our plan...at least not for a while. But before I took a test, the night my grandma passed, I had a dream. I was here, in my grandmother's garden... and she told me I was pregnant. Matt, the feeling I had," I pause, struggling to find the right words.

"It was the most intense, pure form of happiness I've ever felt. I can't even describe it to you..." I trail off.

I shake my head, "I know, I sound crazy. But I think this was meant to happen." I whisper, heat creeping up my neck at the admission.

He’s silent for a moment, absorbing my words. Then, a slow smirk carves a crease into the side of his mouth. "You are fucking crazy…" he murmurs, his playful tone breaking the tension as his smile lines deepen.

I huff a breathy laugh, the sound catching in my throat as my emotions take over again. Tears blur my vision, and I can’t hold them back any longer.

"Are you mad?" I squeak, letting my fear slip through the dam I built up.

He's immediately shaking his head, his eyes widen with sincerity, "Mad? Of course not. I mean, I thought we'd maybe get a cat first but..." He says, quirking his lip and I can't help the laugh that escapes through a sob.

I was the definition of an emotional wreck.

He gently squeezes my hips as I tip my head back to collect myself.

"Look at me," he says firmly, and I sniffle and hiccup before forcing myself to look at him. "Am I surprised? Yes. Terrified? Definitely. But, not even close to mad."

He wipes my tears tenderly, "We're going to be okay. Take it easy, alright? Deep breaths," His tone gentle but assertive, dragging me out of the pit of my dark thoughts.

I sigh as his thumbs draw circles on the exposed skin on my hips.

"I'm sorry," I say and he pulls me to sit sideways on his lap this time.

"Why are you sorry?" he asks softly, intertwining our fingers and bringing my hand to his mouth for a kiss.

"Our lives are going to change and I feel like it's my fault,"

"C'mere," He pulls me in fully, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I love you, and we're going to get through this... We were gonna do it anyway; we're just getting a headstart, yeah? Everything is going to work out," He tells me softly and I can tell he means every word.

Matt never says anything he doesn't mean.

"Also, don't say stupid shit like this is your fault. Last time I checked, it takes two to tango," He says firmly, lightly slapping my hip.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat as I lean into him completely, resting my head on his shoulder. His hand rubs gentle circles on my back, and I close my eyes, letting myself soak in the comfort of his presence.

"I missed you so much," I whisper, my voice muffled against his shirt. "I've been so sick, this kid might be trying to kill me," I try to joke, and he breathes a laugh into my shoulder.

A few beats of silence pass, broken only by the distant sound of crickets outside and the occasional creak of the old house settling.

"We're having a kid," He speaks up, realization laced in his voice and I hum against him. "Maybe we're both fucking crazy,"

I stifle a laugh and pull back to look at him, "D'wanna see it?" I ask, getting up from his lap and he looks to my stomach with a raised brow.

"Kid, you're not showing yet," he says, leaning back into the chair with his arms crossed, a playful smirk on his face and I roll my eyes.

"No, the ultrasound. Hold on," I say as I head to the counter to grab the pictures from my bag.

I pull out the strip of photos, and when I turn back, I see Matt standing up and stretching. He takes off his sweatshirt and his shirt riding up slightly, exposing a sliver of his stomach. Heat rises to my face but I can't stare too long though because he's walking towards me to look over my shoulder.

"Okay, what am I lookin' at?" He stands behind me, his hands on his hips as his head tilts in concentration.

"You see this black circle here?" I point to the sonogram, and he leans in closer, his breath warm against my neck as he grabs hold of the paper to steady it.

"Yeah, that's it?" He asks, narrowing his eyes and I giggle.

"No, do you see the tinier white blob inside it? That's the baby." I explain and his face scrunches for a second, looking at the picture again.

"No fucking way," he says in disbelief, a wide smile breaking across his face. "That tiny thing?" His voice raises a pitch as he looks at me, eyes wide with awe, "Can barely fucking see that," He says playfully before rubbing his eyes.

"Mhm," I can't help but giggle as he wraps an arm around me, pulling me in and placing a kiss to my temple. "Just wait til you hear it, the heartbeat was insane. It was so fast," I add and he freezes.

The realization in his face settles in even deeper as I tell him that, his soft smile returning.

"You heard the heartbeat?" He whispers, looking between my eyes and I nod.

"Yeah, yesterday. They emailed me the video of it, I'll show you in a bit if you want," I tell him and he kisses me then like he can't help himself.

"That's fucking nuts... do you feel pregnant?" he asks, his voice curious and his eyes slowly lowering to my stomach peaking out of my tank top.

I shake my head, "Not at all. I just feel like shit... and constantly bloated," I admit, laughing softly.

He lightly chuckles himself, a charmed smile on his face as he reaches to rubs my stomach a couple times.

"We're really gonna have to lock in, kid." He moves around me to pull me into a full hug, pressing our stomachs together.

"Okay, gamer, acting like this is a video game..." I scoff teasingly and he bends down, laughing into my neck.

"Well, what else do you want me to say? We're leveling up..." he continues the joke and I jab his side with my finger.

"Ow," he fake-cries, clutching his side with exaggerated pain before breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Stop saying corny shit, you goof," I warn, though his laughter makes it impossible not to smile.

I bury my face in his chest, my ear pressed against his heart as we settle into a comfortable silence.

"Now we really gotta get our own place," He says and I can hear his smirk.

"I don't know…" I shrug slightly, considering. "Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to stick around for a bit. It might be nice to have the extra help before we go completely on our own."

He pulls back slightly to look at me, tilting his head with an inquisitive expression. "You really think my brothers will be any help? They don’t know anything about babies."

I snort. “Probably not, but neither do we." I reason and his mouth shrugs in defeat.

"Good point... I guess we can wait it out, we're not in a rush. It'll definitely give us more time to research where would want to be somewhat permanently," He points out.

I hum into him and try not stress about that. The reality is we'd be putting ourselves in a tough spot—both our families are here on the East Coast, but our jobs and lives are rooted in LA.

It's easy to go back and forth when it was just us, but now we're gonna have a kid.

"I already hear your mind racing," his voice breaks me out of my thoughts as he rubs my back. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out..." he says softly, and I sigh deeply.

My stomach turns when I get a whiff of the food still laid out on the table.

"Matt," I say, pulling back slowly, holding my stomach.

"Mm?" he hums, looking at me with concern as I put my hand over my mouth.

"The smell of those burgers is making me sick now," I try not to laugh, and he shakes his head, immediately tossing all the trash into the large paper bag it came in.

"Alright, where's the incinerator?"

[moonlightspencie]

bloodmoonlit

Description: Six years of friendship with more simmering beneath the surface. They thought they had no chance (but that’s romance).

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: drinking (a lot of it tbh), both of em being massive dorks, 18+ pls bc it gets mildly spicy at the end

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: glitch is one of the best songs on midnights & nobody can convince me otherwise. anyways i didn’t proofread this sorry but i’m selfish

She was a hunter. He was… Also a hunter. Classic meet-cutes get a lot less cute when you’re meeting over the corpse of a wendigo.

Dean looked at her with awe and wonder after watching her use a flamethrower to take down a few wendigos that had started in on him. She lowered it like it was nothing after they stopped screeching into the night.

“Hey,” she greeted with a little smile. “You’re one of the Winchester boys, aren’t you?”

“Dean.”

“You’re like a modern-day folklore story, you know that?”

He chuckled, sure to make a comment about the flamethrower at the first chance. He got her number at the second chance.

They made fast friends at that point, both relentlessly flirting. Both never quite sure to what degree the other meant it.

Dean always found himself making trips towards wherever she was more often that what may be considered necessary. She never intentionally ran into him, but if she saw that impala roll up to a case, she always obliged her time. Especially if that meeting happened in a crowded bar where she could relish in the feeling of his attention being placed on her rather than anyone else who would immediately say yes to a night at his motel. Those green eyes sparkling as he chatted her up like they were the closest of friends.

Until they were the closest of friends, of course.

“How’s, uh…” Dean trailed, trying to think. “Was it Matthew?”

She snorted. “Didn’t last long.”

“Why not?”

“Never do,” she said curtly, sipping at her drink. “Non-hunter relationships don’t exactly work for me. They end up with too many questions too quick.”

He hummed, looking down at his own drink. She watched him for a moment, letting herself take a moment to admire the way neon lights bounced off his face. He always seemed to look extra pretty that way.

“Situationships,” she stated as a start, “That’s what pretty much everything I get into ends up as. Whatever works in the moment, no real strings.”

“And yet you always talk about wanting to be tied down,” he said with a smirk.

“Always is a big word,” she replied with a laugh. “I think someday I’d like that. Just don’t think it’s compatible with who I am right now.”

“You think you’re gonna change?”

“I’m always changing. That’s life, right?”

He shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

She laughed.

“I’ve known you for a year, and even in that time you’ve gotten a little different.”

He quirked a brow. “How so?”

“Laugh a little less, but still seem a bit happier. More accepting of life as it is, I guess.”

He sat with that for a moment, then nodded.

“I’ve had to. Every time I get stubborn, I end up screwing everything up.”

“Hey,” she said softly, pulling him out of his own head before he dug too deep, “You’re always learning. Always growing. Don’t beat yourself up.”

He smiled softly, letting her words carry him out of that out. They tended to do that more and more as he faced everything the world threw at him. His affection slowly morphed into more, and he tried not to panic about it. He did what he always did best: buried it as deep as it could go.

She realized her own feelings shifting, but her realization slammed into her like a truck. They were supposed to be just friends.

It all started with little chance meetings which turned into weekly calls which turned into “Do you want to stay with Sam and I? We’ve got a permanent place now”.

She ended up moving in shortly after the boys did. Three years of knowing them, she never expected to be living with them. Especially after all they’d gone through.

Granted, she helped with some of it. She was there when they had to cram Sam’s soul back in his body. She was there for the rise and fall of Dick. She was there when Dean came back from Purgatory.

She just wasn’t constantly with them. Only a kind of side-character in their grand adventure. Now, however…

“I think that’s all,” she said, dropping a few bags on her bed.

“Oh, right, because this isn’t over-doing it at all,” Dean said, humor lacing his voice.

She narrowed her eyes at him, then looked back around the empty room.

“I just— I’m excited to feel at home. I haven’t had a real place in…” she stopped, sighing.

“Yeah, I get it,” Dean spoke up, slinging an arm around her shoulder. “I was so excited to have my own bed, you have no clue.”

“I have some clue. You sent me like fifteen messages about it within the span of ten seconds,” she laughed.

“I love that memory foam, what can I say?”

“How about you get useful and help me set up shop here?” she asked, smiling at him as he already started pulling items out of the bags.

The bunker was like a hunter paradise in her eyes. She got the chance to have a place to call home. She got her own room, a million lore books, Dean, a place to do some baking, her favorite mug…

Wait. She couldn’t find her mug.

“Dean, where’d you put my mug?” she called out before he even got to the kitchen

“Stop calling me out before I’m even in the room. It’s creepy,” he said with a chuckle, walking in.

“Can’t help it. I know how you sound walkin’ around in here.”

She turned from the kitchen counter where the coffee was brewing. He watched her for a moment, smile still stuck in place.

“So?” she asked.

He raised a brow. “So…?”

She sighed. “My mug?”

“Oh,” he exclaimed, walking further towards her to open the fridge. “Made soup the other day and didn’t have any clean bowls.”

He pulled out the soup-filled mug, handing it in her direction. She quirked a brow, looking inside of it.

“I ain’t cleaning that out.”

He sighed dramatically, walking towards the sink.

“Guess I’ll do it. Princess can’t handle a few chunks of chicken in her precious mug.”

She smacked his arm lightly, scoffing.

“You’re the one who put chicken in it in the first place. You know that’s my favorite mug.”

He smirked, silently cleaning it out for her. When he was finished he turned, handing it off as he leaned against the counter.

“If my coffee is soup-flavored I’m going to have Cas smite you,” she mumbled, pouring it full.

She filled up another mug she’d pulled down in the meantime, sliding it to Dean.

“And yet, you still get me my coffee,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

She hid a smile, shaking her head as she prepared hers.

“You know you love me,” he sang to her, heading towards the library.

She followed after, not even realizing what she was doing until she was halfway there. It was like they were attached at the hip.

They practically were over the following months, never not wanting to do everything together.

“Come on, Sam,” she whined. “You’re no fun.”

He smirked, attempting to leave the kitchen.

“Not all of us want to get plastered on a Tuesday night.”

“Speak for yourself” Dean said with a sparkle in his eye. He looked at Y/N. “You love getting screwed by me, right? Oh, sorry, with me.”

“Oh, yeah. My favorite activity, actually,” she said back with a smirk.

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood.

“I think I’m about done listening to you two flirt, anyways.”

“Aww,” she started, leaning closer to where he stood. “You gettin’ jealous, Sammy?”

“I’m getting grossed out,” he laughed. “Goodnight.”

The two at the table said a quick goodnight, turning back to their drinks and their jokes in an instant.

“Maybe we just need to sweat it out,” he jokes, brows dancing suggestively.

She laughed. “In your dreams, Winchester. We’ve gone almost six years without a slip-up, do you really think now’s a good time to break that record?”

He contemplated for a moment, fully believing it was a good time to break it. He couldn’t think of a better time with the exception of five-and-a-half years ago. But, he decided to actually use his brain.

“Guess you’re right.”

She smiled, pretending not to be thinking about the fact that she definitely thought she was all wrong. She really though that he should have known better than anyone that she believed records were made to be broken.

“I’m always right.”

“Now you’re dreaming,” he said with a chuckle, tossing back the rest of his drink.

He poured two shots, sliding one to her.

“Here’s to almost six years— what, like, five years and ten months? Something like that?”

She nodded. “July 7th.”

He stilled a moment, not thinking about the fact that of course she would remember the day they met.

“How many days is that?”

She hummed, playing into his little game as she pulled out her phone. She typed away until she got her answer:

“2119 days if I did the math right.”

“Nineteen or ninety?”

“Nineteen.”

“What do you say we have a special celebration if we get to twenty one ninety, then?”

She snorted. “What do you constitute as special?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he winked, tossing back his shot.

She mirrored his actions, then quickly typed away again.

“What do you know? 2190 is exactly the six year mark,” she smirked. “Alright. Deal.”

Weeks passed, and life was shockingly normal in that time. Well, normal for their standards, which still included all the things that go bump in the night. After a particularly long hunt, getting back to the bunker was a relief.

All three of them went to their respective rooms to get some rest, but, as had become a pattern, Dean went knocking on Y/N’s door. She opened with a tired smile, inviting him in.

They sat around, talking about whatever topics came to mind, listening to music playing in the background. When conversation fell quiet, an idea struck her like lightening.

“Come on, Dean. A little dancing wouldn’t kill ya,” she said, moving a little to the music.

He laughed, watching her from her bed. She held out her hands, and finally took them after a few seconds. She could be very convincing, he thought.

They jumped around the room in an un-choreographed, ridiculous, messy dance that left both of them giggling and out of breath. Her music wasn’t always his style, but he sure didn’t mind listening to her sing every word with a passion as if she’d written them herself.

“See? You love this,” she exclaimed as the upbeat song faded out.

“Only because you’re making me,” he smiled.

She laughed again, starting to turn when a slow song started going. He didn’t let her get far, however, pulling her back into his chest by the hand. He played it off all nonchalant at first, ignoring the smile on her face as a bit he always liked to play anytime he started being affectionate in an unconventional way.

“Really?” she asked.

She reached up, fingertips brushing against his jaw so that he’d look at her again. He smiled softly when she did, just watching her for a few seconds.

“You wanted to dance. We’re dancing,” he said, swaying along to the melody.

“Such a gentleman.”

He smirked, not letting up in the dance. She gave in, resting her head against his shoulder as the music played. He closed his eyes, resting his cheek against her and letting the smell of her perfume lull him in the dance more than the song could. Her gentle humming put a smile on his face that he was grateful she couldn’t see: he was certain he’d look like a lovesick puppy.

As the song faded out, she finally pulled away enough to see him again, both of them still moving as another faded in. She looked at him with a glimmer in her eyes. He took in a slow breath, watching her face for a few moments, their movements slowing. He wanted to kiss her more than anything. So, he took an action:

“I’m gonna grab a drink.”

He untethered himself from her, quickly making an exit to leave her alone and deeply confused.

She sat in the library a few days later, reading a book she found on werewolf mating habits.

“What do ya got, there?” Sam asked, walking into the room.

She glanced up, a brow raised. “You don’t want to know, trust me.”

Sam snorted. “Alright.”

“You need something?”

She closed the book, setting it down on the table.

“Yeah. Do you want to hang out? I just hooked up a new TV in my room.”

“Sure,” she shrugged. “When?”

“I’m making popcorn right now.”

She laughed, agreeing as she got up. She got comfortable in his room, back against the headboard of his bed. He walked in a minute later, handing over the bowl of popcorn as he settled in.

“Is Dean coming?” she asked.

“No. He went out for the night.”

“Ah,” she said softly after a beat.

Sam straightened up, looking at her.

“He didn’t invite you?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

“He always does. Why not now?”

She sighed, settling into the cushions, still looking ahead.

“I think I freaked him out. We were in my room the other night, and I asked him to dance with me. He did, but then… I don’t know,” she shrugged. “After a couple songs he left fast and he’s definitely been pulling away from me since then.”

“Hey,” he called, grabbing her attention. “Anyone who doesn’t appreciate you isn’t worth your time. You know that, right?”

“Thanks, Sammy,” she smiled, looking down again. “I just keep getting in my own head.”

“When aren’t you?” he joked.

“You jerk,” she said, tossing a piece of popcorn at him. “I’m trying to be, like, open right now.”

“I know,” he drawled, leaning his head against hers.

She brushed a few pieces of his hair off her forehead.

“Maybe I just need to go out and have some fun myself,” she said after a moment.

He perked up.

“Dude, yeah!”

He stood abruptly, holding out his hands for her. She took them, standing slowly, and looking around the room for some stray confidence so that she wouldn’t back out.

“Tell you what,” Sam started, giving her the hope she wanted, “You go get ready, and we’ll head out together. I’ll be your wingman.”

She smiled. “That sounds great. I immediately wasn’t sure about heading off by myself.”

“I could tell,” he laughed.

She got ready in record time, putting on her favorite dress for good measure. They left the bunker, hitting a nearby bar that didn’t have an impala parked anywhere close.

“They’re just… giving me nothing,” she said with a sigh, slumping in the seat next to Sam at the bar.

“What do you mean? That last guy looked really into it.”

“He was. He was also into talking about his ex-girlfriend within the first few minutes of conversation,” she snorted. “I think I’m asking too much. I should just find someone and make out with ‘em.”

“You sure about that?”

She looked at Sam again, a smile breaking out.

“No. But if we do another shot, I might be.”

He sighed, obliging her only because he knew she’d do it without him anyways. They threw back the shots, and he wished her luck as she went off in search of someone who wanted nothing but a good time.

Well, kind of a good time. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to take some dude home.

She went onto the dance-floor, deciding she’d let someone come to her rather than prowling for herself, and got her wish pretty fast. A moderately attractive man caught her hand as she swayed around by herself, asking for a dance. She plastered on a smile as she agreed, letting him take the lead.

“What’s your name?” he asked over the music.

“Do you really want to know?” she teased.

He smirked. “Guess it’s more fun not to know, huh?”

She smiled again, pulling him down to her lips as they moved to the music. She closed her eyes, appreciating the ease at which she got what she wanted. The only problem is that she couldn’t help imagining it was Dean instead of Unnamed Bar-Goer.

Regardless, she justified that they were merely using each other, so who cares if she let her mind run a little wild?

She only backed away when he started getting a little handsy for her tastes. She thanked him for his time, walking away and back to Sam. He raised his brows when she came back.

“Hey, looks like you got it,” he said, watching her sit. “Also looks like you aren’t too happy.”

“Still giving me absolutely nothing,” she said with a sigh. “Not a damn thing.”

He chuckled. “Maybe this plan didn’t work out so well.”

“Still got to drink with my favorite giant,” she noted with a wink and nudge.

“Ha ha. Real flattering, thanks.”

He rolled his eyes, but let himself smirk when she wasn’t paying much attention. They sat talking at the bar for another hour or so before Sam decided to call it a night. She linked an arm around Sam’s as they walked out of the bar, definitely a little more drunk than she intended to get.

Dean walked into the bunker, spirits effectively dampened. His attempt to get his mind off of his I-almost-kissed-her moment didn’t work in the slightest, and now he was in a sour mood as a result.

His mood only worsened when he saw Sam and Y/N stumbling into the kitchen, the latter a drunken mess in an outfit he liked a little too much. He watched as Sam helped her into the room, practically propping her up against the counter.

“What the hell?” Dean asked as his brother got a glass from the cupboard.

“What?” Sam defended, filling up the cup with water.

“For one, why is she laughing at herself against the kitchen counter?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “We went out.”

He walked over to Y/N, handing her the glass. She sipped at the water, then set it down just as quickly.

“Done,” she cheered.”

“No, you’re not,” Sam said, picking up the water and giving it right back to her. “Come on, you’re going to be hungover tomorrow.”

She refused the drink, kicking off her shoes. Then, she turned to level her gaze at Dean as he sipped on a beer.

“And where did you go run off to?”

He raised his brows. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah,” she stated with finality.

“Out.”

“Get lucky?” she asked, more bitterness in her tone than she meant to let out.

“No.”

She rolled her eyes, then glanced at Sam again.

“Wanna go hang out and read? I found a book about how werewolves get it on,” she said, giggling as she ended the sentence.

“What?”

Dean spoke up again. “Since when do you go out and get drunk without a reason?”

She snapped back to him. “Since I was celebrating me. I’m done chasing after guys who don’t want— What was it, Sam? Like if they don’t appreciate me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean asked back, setting down his drink.

“Sammy, I wanna talk to Dean by myself,” she managed to say, hardly looking at him.

“I don’t know—”

“Sam,” she cut him off, watching him.

He put his hands up in defense, walking out of the room. She watched until he left, then looked at Dean again. He glanced sideways at her as she swayed slightly while she stood.

“You know, those six years are coming up real soon, De,” she said, staring from across the counter.

“Are they?” he asked, wondering where this was going.

“Mhm. One more week I think,” she hiccuped. “Sorry.”

He furrowed his brow. “You’re drunk.”

“I tried kissing someone today,” she said, words tumbling out fast like she couldn’t control them. “I hated it.”

He paused, unsure why she was saying this. His heart hurt more than he thought it would, hearing her admit that.

“Why?” was all he could manage.

“Why’d you go out without me?” she countered. “You never go out without me, not since we met.”

He sighed, eyes closing as he braced himself against the counter. He heard her as she got closer, eventually leaning her head against his arm.

“I’m glad you didn’t go home with anyone today.”

He swallowed, unable to look at her. “Yeah. I— I was gonna try, to be honest, but…”

“I’m gonna throw up,” she said, suddenly moving to the sink.

He followed after swiftly, helping her as best as he could. He pulled her hair back gently as she emptied her stomach into the kitchen sink.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” he said softly, rubbing her back with the hand that wasn’t holding her hair. “Get it all out.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, sniffling.

“I’ve seen you worse,” he said with a smirk. “That upset about what I said?”

If she had been a touch more sober, she might have realized he was joking. Unfortunately, she took it completely literally.

“I didn’t mean to. I just thought about you and some—”

“Whoa, whoa. Hold on, I wasn’t—” he paused as she stood again, running the sink to clear it out. He turned it off again, impatient. “What are you talking about?”

“What?”

He watched her as she straightened herself out, pulling down the skirt of the dress she was in where it had ridden up.

“You threw up over me mentioning—”

“Dean.”

“Why?”

She sighed, leaning down to rest her head on the counter.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You kissed someone. I didn’t even get that far.”

“Why do you care?” she asked, standing again, and nearly falling over.

He caught her gently, but kept his hard tone as he responded to her.

“Why do you?”

“Because I just do, Dean.”

“You’re so freaking stubborn,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

“You’re one to talk. This is all your fault anyways.”

“Excuse me?” he asked, annoyance in his voice.

“It’s your fault,” she said, punctuating the phrase with a slap to his chest.

“Yeah? And how’s that?”

“You should’ve just kissed me instead of chickening out and running away like a little boy.”

He was stunned into silence, his anger dissipating and then quickly returning.

“If you hadn’t made me dance with you, I wouldn’t have been all in your face in the first place,” he shot back.

“You’re such a dick,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Six years of not chasing anyone but you, and for what? You’re acting like a bitch.”

“Well, jokes on you, sweetheart,” he exclaimed, opening up his arms. “Hasn’t even been six years.”

“Great! Let’s hope we never get there, then!”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not the one who ran off to get a hookup because I couldn’t handle my feelings.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, you just ran off to make out with someone because you couldn’t handle your feelings.”

“Why do you feel the need to make everything so difficult?”

“Because you’re the most difficult person I’ve ever met,” he said, voice raising to an octave you didn’t often hear. “How else am I supposed to deal with you?”

She groaned in frustration, pushing past him to leave. She stalked out of the kitchen, only making it so far as the hallway before she was getting pulled back.

“Stop it, Dean,” she all but yelled.

He rolled his eyes, pulling her closer and leaning down to kiss her. One hand found her face, a surprisingly gentle touch in comparison to how intense the kiss was. She felt like she couldn’t catch her breath, a smile on her face as he finally gave in. He pulled back a moment later, though not without an internal struggle.

“The douchebag at the bar kiss you like that?” he mumbled against her lips.

“Not exactly,” she sighed. “What took you so long?”

“You weren’t making moves either, loser,” he said with a laugh.

“You didn’t exactly make yourself out to be available, De.”

“And you did? You literally told me I wouldn’t get you in my wildest dreams a few weeks ago.”

She paused, a smile spreading to her face.

“Touché.”

“How about now?”

She quirked a brow. “You propositioning me, Winchester?”

“If I was, what would you say to that?”

“I’d say that I think there must be some technical malfunctions in the universe for me to get that lucky.”

He smirked, slowly backing her until she was pressed against the wall.

“Early celebration?”

“Only if we still celebrate when we hit twenty one ninety,” she said with a smile. “Gotta safeguard, here. Easier for me to make sure this doesn’t become a one-time thing.”

“You think I’d be able to stop after one time? It’s you,” he said, moving in closer. Her arms wound around his neck. “I’ve been holding out for six years.”

“Not quite.”

“Mm. Close enough.”

He leaned in to kiss her again, this time slow and soft. She kissed back, glad to finally know what his lips felt like against hers. He let his hands wander, holding to her hips and sliding down further.

“You look real pretty in this dress,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Was hoping you’d see it and like it,” she smiled, nipping at his lip. “Just don’t rip it if you decide to take it off me.”

He smiled against her as he leaned back in. He kissed her, deepening it immediately as one hand dragged down her leg. He slotted his own thigh between her legs, adding a little friction that had her gasping into his mouth. He started hiking up the skirt of the dress further. Slowly, purposely teasing her with it. Teasing himself just as much.

Then, heavy footsteps started coming down the hall. They separated quickly and ducked inside the kitchen, hoping Sam would walk past. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

Dean stood behind Y/N quickly, concealing a problem he didn’t exactly have time to fix.

“Hey,” Sam said softly, seemingly not noticing a thing. “I didn’t hear yelling coming down and needed a drink. You two all good?”

She nodded. “Great.”

“Awesome,” Dean said at the same time.

Sam nodded, giving a tight smile as he walked past.

“We were actually about to head to bed, so…” she said, looking at him as he stood at the fridge.

“Okay,” he nodded, nonchalant. “Night.”

“Night.”

Dean waved a quick goodbye, following after her quickly. They broke into his room, giggling like a couple of drunk toddlers.

“He didn’t hear yelling,” Dean said, closing in on her once the door was shut.

She reached for his belt, quickly undoing it as they got closer to the bed.

“He didn’t.”

He grabbed her by the waist, tossing her down on the mattress, slowly climbing on top of her.

“Wanna test and see if the walls in here are just as soundproof?”

She looked up at him as he finally tugged her dress up around her hips.

“I love a good experiment.”

She laid back in the early morning hours, not even bringing herself to be annoyed that she was being suffocated by a large man on top of her. Mostly because if Dean killed her that way, it certainly would suck, but what a way to go.

She sighed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as he rested against her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair until he eventually woke up with the sweetest sleepy smile point at her.

“Hey,” he said, adjusting himself to see her better.

“Hey,” she greeted, accepting a soft kiss. “I think we should’ve done that forever ago.”

“I don’t know. Might be like a wine situation. We let it sit so long that it got even better by the time we actually got some.”

“Very poetic.”

He smiled, a hand coming to rest on her side as he kissed her again. It was slow and lazy and altogether too sweet. She was almost embarrassed that she had to be there to witness how mushy that moment was, if not for the fact that she was on the receiving end of the mush. She pulled away from him first, leaving him to whine.

“You’re so dramatic,” she said in a whisper. “Whining?”

“You were doing plenty of that last night,” he smirked.

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “Why don’t we get some breakfast. I’m starving.”

His hand started moving downward, inching up the shirt of his that she was wearing.

“I could eat.”

“Dean,” she warned.

He started scooting down the mattress slowly, not giving up.

“Come on. Kitchen.”

“Ooh, kinky.”

“Cut it out,” she laughed. “Kitchen for actual breakfast. I don’t waste time when it comes to breakfast.”

They made it to the kitchen for that breakfast successfully! Twenty minutes later, anyway.

“Hey,” Sam greeted, not looking up.

“Morning, Sammy,” Dean said, going straight towards the cabinets for cereal.

She realized suddenly that there may have been something she forgot in his room.

“Is that Dean’s shirt?” Sam asked.

She looked down, realizing that it was clothes she had forgotten. Sam paused, raising a hand.

“On second thought, I don’t want to know. Glad to know you’re at least not fighting. Just— Maybe some pants next time.”

She laughed, following Dean to the table as he set down two bowls of cereal. They all sat eating in a comfortable silence. Then a slightly less comfortable silence as Dean grabbed her thigh halfway through breakfast. Sam quickly excused himself after that, a knowing smile on his face as he left.

“So… We’re in the kitchen,” Dean said, leaning towards her. “I don’t think Sammy’s comin’ back anytime soon.”

After definitely not doing anything weird in the kitchen and then totally not feeling bad and scrubbing down the entire room for the day, things fell into a new rhythm. It was comfortable and surprisingly less of an adjustment than they were expecting. All of those years of relentless flirting must’ve made for an easy transition.

Dean cleared his throat a few days later, grabbing her attention as she lounged in the room he’d set aside for TV-watching (with the fun new addition of a couch).

“Yeah?” she asked, looking away from the screen to see him.

“Guess what?”

“Hm?”

“2190 days.”

She smiled. “Yeah? Is that today?”

He hummed, giving a nod.

“What were those special plans of yours?”

He raised a brow. “You really wanna know?”

She merely nodded. He paused the show they were watching.

“I, uh— I was gonna tell you how I felt if I didn’t chicken out.”

“You’re kidding,” she replied after a beat.

“I’m not,” he said with a chuckle.

“Man. Almost twenty two hundred days of a blackout before we finally lit it up, huh?”

He laughed. “That’s one way of putting it.”

She paused, turning to put her feet in his lap. He immediately, started rubbing her leg, enjoying the uninhibited ability to touch her.

“Wanna know something funny?”

He raised a brow in question.

“Years ago someone told me they knew we’d end up together.”

“Who? Bobby?”

She shook her head. “Garth.”

He rolled his eyes as she laughed, poking him in the arm a moment later.

“Got to give it to him, he’s always been perceptive,” she noted.

“Guess so,” he nodded, reluctant to admit it. “Freakin’ Garth.”

She watched him a moment, then retracted her legs. He looked at her, almost hurt with those big puppy-dog eyes.

“Oh, poor baby,” she cooed. “Don’t worry, I’m comin’ closer.”

She crawled over to him, settling in his lap. He ran his hands up her legs, a small smile returning to his lips.

“I can think of a few other ways we can celebrate today, you know?”

“Yeah?” he asked, leaning into the cushions.

“Five words: apple pie in the freezer.”

“Oh, baby, you know how to talk dirty to me,” he groaned, pulling her down for a kiss in a fit of laughter.

FULL MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

—————

dean winchester taglist:

@deanwithscissors @hyunjaebaby

[lvllylix]

Can I request Hyunjin coming home from a bad day at practice and he’s just really tense and on edge that one little minor inconvenience that reader causes like idk saying there’s too much salt in the dinner he made etc just makes me cry and she feels like she did something wrong and panics but he explains that it’s not her and she comforts him 🫶🏾

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get posted!! I'm not entirely happy with how this turned out, but I do hope you still enjoy ♡♡♡

Embrace of Solace

Title: Embrace of Solace

Song: Lean On Me by SEVENTEEN

Pairing: Hyunjin x reader

Word count: 1,075

Warnings: None

Summary: Hyunjin turns to you for some comfort.

--

You heard the door creak open, signaling Hyunjin's return home. Glancing up from your book, you smiled, ready to greet him after his long day of practice. But as he entered the room, something seemed off. His usually bright eyes were clouded with tension, and his shoulders were stiff.

"Hey, you're home," you said, setting aside your book and standing up to give him a hug. But when you wrapped your arms around him, you noticed how tightly wound he was, his muscles tense beneath your touch.

"Yeah, I'm back," Hyunjin replied, his voice strained. He forced a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Rough day at practice?" you asked, concern tingeing your voice. You knew how seriously he took his dancing, but something felt different today.

"Just the usual," he replied with a shrug, trying to brush off your concern. "Nothing I can't handle."

You wanted to press further, to ask him what was really going on, but you knew Hyunjin well enough to know when he didn't want to talk about something. So instead, you offered him a sympathetic smile and guided him over to the couch, where he sank down heavily, exhaustion evident in every line of his body.

"Let me get you something to drink," you said, hoping to provide some small comfort. "Tea? Or maybe just water?"

"Water's fine," Hyunjin replied, his voice weary. As you disappeared into the kitchen, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong. But without any indication from Hyunjin himself, you were left in the dark, wondering what could have possibly happened at practice to leave him in such a state.

Returning with a glass of water, you handed it to him and sat down beside him on the couch, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You know you can talk to me, right?" you said softly. "Whatever it is, you don't have to deal with it alone."

Hyunjin managed a weak smile, his fingers curling around yours as he squeezed your hand back. "Thanks, Y/N," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I appreciate it."

But even as he spoke those words, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he wasn't telling you. As the evening progressed, you tried your best to create a relaxing atmosphere, hoping it would help ease whatever was troubling Hyunjin. You suggested watching his favorite movie or playing some calming music, but he seemed too lost in his thoughts to fully engage.

Eventually, you decided to make dinner, hoping that a good meal might lift his spirits. You carefully prepared his favorite dish, setting the table with extra care, hoping that the effort would not go unnoticed. As you sat down to eat, you watched anxiously for any sign that Hyunjin was feeling better.

But as he took the first bite, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Is something wrong?" you asked, trying to keep your voice light.

"It's nothing," Hyunjin replied quickly, forcing a smile as he continued to eat. But you could tell something was off, his usual enthusiasm for your cooking was replaced by a sense of detachment.

Concern gnawed at you as you watched him pick at his food, unable to shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong. And then, you took your first bite, face twisting in immediate disgust.

"Sorry, t-this tastes horrible," you said, grimacing as you realized your mistake. "I must have misread how much salt I was meant to use."

The words seemed to hang in the air, and before you could react, Hyunjin's eyes welled up with tears. Shocked, you reached out to him, your heart breaking at the sight of his distress.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," you said, your voice trembling with guilt. "I'll make something else, I promise."

But instead of accepting your apology, Hyunjin shook his head, his tears flowing freely now. "It's not about the salt," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Confusion swirled within you as you tried to make sense of his words. "Then what is it?" you asked, your concern growing with each passing moment.

Hyunjin took a shaky breath, his fingers curling around yours as he struggled to find the right words. "It's just… everything," he admitted, his voice breaking with emotion. "I've been having a really tough time lately, and I don't know how to deal with it."

Your heart ached at his confession, realizing just how much he had been struggling in silence. Without hesitation, you pulled him into your arms, holding him close as he buried his face against your shoulder.

"You don't have to go through this alone," you whispered, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "I'm here for you, no matter what."

As you held Hyunjin close, you could feel the tension slowly melting away from his body, replaced by a sense of warmth and comfort. You ran your fingers through his hair soothingly, whispering words of reassurance and love as he clung to you, seeking solace in your embrace.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner," Hyunjin murmured against your shoulder, his voice raw with emotion. "I just didn't want to burden you with my problems."

"You could never burden me," you replied softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "We're a team, remember? We face everything together."

Hyunjin nodded, his grip on you tightening as he buried his face against your neck. You held him close, letting him take as much time as he needed to let out his emotions, offering silent support with each beat of your heart.

Eventually, the tears subsided, leaving behind a sense of calm and acceptance. Hyunjin pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of gratitude and love.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"You'll never have to find out," you replied, giving him a soft smile. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

And with those words, you leaned in to capture his lips in a tender kiss, sealing your promise with a silent vow. In that moment, surrounded by love and understanding, you knew that together, you could overcome anything that life threw your way. And as you melted into each other's arms, the world faded away, leaving behind only the warmth of your love and the comfort of your embrace.

[xkseii]

⎮Why run away from the unknown?⎮

⏤Characters: Childe⎮reader

⏤ Including: nsfw (-17)

⏤ Warnings: bottom Tartaglia, top reader, taller and buff male reader (sunfrost eremite height), confused and lost reader, struggle to comprehend the environment, mention of alcohol, stalking, implied obsession, sex under the influence, spitting, squirting.

⏤ Summary: Your entire world can fall apart just by waking up. And this time, the gods didn't miss their shot.

⏤ 26.620 words

There are many possibilities and events that a human can't predict…

Such as the loss of a loved one, a natural but disastrous phenomenon for humankind, the pain that can be inflicted on you by a single hand gesture, a heartbreak… So many things that are impossible to anticipate or even envisage. And even if someone did, no one would believe them.  

Other than those, you also wanted to add something, that no one will ever listen to or believe you about. Nobody could dare to consider it as possible or real.

You woke up in another world. 

At least, that's what you guessed after a long while. 

After waking up, in an unknown place, you were just confused. Nothing seemed similar to anything you have seen before, each detail of the surrounding environment was odd, coming out of a fantasy world. Not only was the view unbelievable, but the silence was deafening, absolutely nothing was reaching your ears. 

This was something a human, especially you, could have never expected or predicted, it was surrealistic. Within such a short instant, your world turned upside down, and you weren't fully aware of it yet. 

After all, how crazy would it be to wake up in an unknown world? 

It was impossible, you knew that, it was obviously supposed to be unrealizable. Only an insane person could be imagining this… Did you lose your mind? 

From the second you opened your eyes, you were wholly and utterly lost, glancing around frantically. Thankfully, you weren’t the kind of person to immediately lose your cool, so panic hasn’t taken control over your body yet. As most humans would, you were trying to rationalize what was happening, both to figure out the situation you were in and also to reassure yourself, not wishing to imagine the worst yet. 

You observed your surroundings, in the hope to recognize something familiar, anything, really. Unfortunately, nothing was even moderately ordinary to you. All the trees were different, the plants growing around the place were unknown species, the color of the sky seemed odd along with the clouds, and even the calming smell of the forest seemed unusual. 

Around you, making a small imperfect circle of light, were light blue flowers glowing. At first, they were only a small number, but while you were distracted, they seemed to have multiplied and grown around you in a protective form. The sight was gorgeous, especially in the early afternoon, as it was the only source of light near you. 

But it didn’t erase a question from your mind… 

Where were you? 

Other than being lost, the main problem for you was the lack of human presence near this location. Not only this, but you were extremely uneasy with the lack of sounds, since you woke up the silence has never been broken once. 

Despite trying your best to pay attention to the possible surrounding noises, the silence remained loud, to the point you could not hear yourself breathe, even your heart beating inside your chest was quiet. It was clear that something was off, even if the world was completely silent, you should be able to hear yourself still. 

Perhaps, your ears were the problem. 

It was not only the sounds of the forest though, as you also couldn’t hear the wind making the leaves fall down to the ground, that soft whiz reaching your ears whenever the wind gets too strong. The creaking of branches under the paws of a wild animal, the buzzing of the insects, the chirping of the crickets, the songs of the owls, none of this was reaching your ears. 

As someone used to have continuous noises around him, even discreet ones, what was the most disturbing was the lack of voices. When usually, there was always someone talking or shouting in the background, currently, there wasn’t anyone breaking the silence. And you couldn’t help but miss the group of children running around and playing games loudly, or the group of elders talking about politics and gossiping about the new person moving into their building. For an unknown reason, it seemed so far away, as if you have been here for centuries. 

You had this sensation of emptiness, that not only you were lost in a random place, but lost in a vast nothingness. 

Except for you, there was just the emptiness of a place surrounding you, swallowing you whole and leaving nothing behind. The anxiety and a certain fear took over your body as if it was warning you that you were in danger. Still, that was ridiculous. As you were hyperaware of how lonely you were, you doubt anything could try to harm you. 

You really started to get worried, your hands trembled as you tried to get up, and suddenly, it was as if something was taken out of your ears. In an instant, you could hear absolutely everything, even your own blood flowing through your veins, the way your diaphragm was contracting and flattening, relaxing and returning to its original shape as you breathed rapidly. 

All the sounds at once were overwhelming, after the cacophony that your own body was producing, it was the forest that came alive all around you, each note penetrating through your unprepared mind. Instead of staying as a discord, they harmonized, and the sound of the wind passing through the leaves of the trees dragged the chirps of the birds along, and finally, your own breathing synchronized with the rest. 

After so long of being deprived of your hearing, you could feel your body relaxes as everything came back to you. Now, you will never be able to deny that pure silence was stressful, and perhaps maddening, while, the soft sounds of the world were soothing, melting away any kind of anxiety building up inside your body, from the unhealthy amount of panicked thoughts you have.

Now that you were able to comprehend all the things that were happening around you, without any difficulties or disadvantages, you sit up correctly. The flowers encircling you shine somewhat brighter, with your back resting against the trunk of an enormous tree, its roots crawling under the ground, following the path of the flowers. 

As the sun was high in the sky, with no clouds hiding it anymore, the branches of the tree moved, its leaves protecting you from the scorching light. It was very sudden, but a strange feeling ran through your body, an odd calmness taking over your senses. You were unable to focus on those overwhelming and stressful thoughts you had, your mind was blank as for the first time in a very long while, you felt at peace. 

Your body synchronized with the rhythm of the forest, and any ounce of anxiety you had dissipated like the morning dew after the first ray of sunlight appeared. Something in this place, in the air, was murmuring in your ear that you should not worry and just relax, how you could forget anything that was troubling you, as it was not meaningful anymore. 

It was as if the strangeness and importance of your current situation evaporated from your mind, as you were bathing like an Inteyvat in the sunlight. Your worries became details, something that was even worth wondering about. If it was not for a sudden loud voice, belonging to someone who seemed to shout from afar, you would have fallen asleep there, in this exact same spot. Unfortunately, the deafening and high-pitched voice shattered the calm of solitude you were in. 

There was something disturbing about this voice, the fact that it seemed highly familiar, not only the voice itself but also the way of talking. It was not a trick of your mind, whoever this person was, you were certain that you heard their voice somewhere.

While the scenery engulfing you was still just as foreign, this voice coming from an unnamed place was not, the tone definitely not unknown. And now, the person that appeared in front of you was even less of a mystery, as your eyes widened in shock, taking in the newfound information that could make the situation completely different. 

How could she be here? 

This person was standing on the other side of the forest, near the cliff, and she seemed like she didn’t notice you yet. You were on your guard, leaving your sitting position to a squatting position, still low enough to not be perceived, but also being able to run at any moment. Your entire body was tensed, not knowing if it was a hallucination, and you were losing it, or if it was real. 

The silhouette became clearer as she walked to the darkest part of the forest, which meant that she was going to pass just in front of you, and that was making you anxious. All the flowers around you were losing their light, becoming duller and duller, until they all died. The roots were rotten, emitting a putrid odor. When she ended up only a few meters away from you, all the surrounding nature was dead, leaving you confused and shocked.

She disappeared behind a tree, and you panicked, not understanding why she changed direction suddenly, in a swift and suspicious movement. You crouched down, looking at everything rapidly, checking if she was not going to appear near you. Suddenly, there was a flash of red clothes, and she was back on her original path, the neat headband bouncing as she walked, the uncommon goggles reflecting the sunlight. 

It was not just anybody, she was a person you know far too well, and that you definitely should not be seeing in front of your eyes right now, in any circumstances. It was the Outrider, Amber, from Genshin Impact. Before your very eyes, was a character of a video game, in flesh and bones, acting like a real human being, running around as if a program did not control her. 

If that was even slightly real, or somewhat linked to the game, it means that you are in Mondstadt right now. And you were watching Amber run around, doing her tasks and patrolling the area to prevent monsters to get too close to the city. Still, even with a relatively better understanding of your situation and location, it still made no sense. 

What was happening? How did you end up here? 

At that moment, it was like a switch in your brain, and you were only thinking about a way to get up and leave without being noticed. 

You did not even try to think about what could possibly be going on, or even try to conceive the most logical options for your current predicament. It was a raw reaction, the sudden odd fear of being caught by someone you had no trust in, in a place you did not have enough information about, and in a vulnerable state. 

Sensing you were panicking, you watched in shock as your hands were trembling like crazy, and how your vision was blurry, as your tension went through the roof. In this state, you knew you couldn’t do much, except panic more as Amber gets closer to your spot, so you tried the most basic exercise to take back control of your body. When your mind was clear enough, you decided to hide behind the tree instead of running away immediately, as the tree was large enough to conceal your presence, and also help you avoid a challenging encounter. 

With your back against the trunk, you placed a hand over your chest and the other on your stomach, feeling your heartbeat as you try to regulate your breathing. Your breaths were slower, and more relaxed as you closed your eyes and focused on slowly breathing in through your nose, with your mouth closed. You heard the footsteps of Amber coming closer, but you ignored them, only focusing on your body as you just prayed she would not notice you. 

It seemed endless before you heard another sound, much farther away from you. With a certain discomfort and the sensation of having a knot in your stomach, you try to peek at her carefully, making sure she really took some distance. 

When you were certain that she was far enough from you, you looked around to see the path you could take and bolted away without any thought, going towards this unidentified direction. Earlier, you tried to look at the sky, and guess where the north was, so you could avoid going to Mondstadt, but you could not find Polaris or the Plough. The only thing you could do was hope you were going somewhere near Dragonspine. 

Unfortunately, you understood you went in the wrong direction when you saw the massive oak tree at Windrise standing from afar. You did not want to go towards it, but at the same time, it could make a good starting point to go south after, so you ended up convincing yourself to walk toward it. As you stood in front of it, impressed by how gigantic and impressive it was in real life, you started to look around, quickly finding where was the city of freedom. 

You pondered for a while, unsure of what to do, and if trying to enter Mondstadt while looking like a total foreigner was really a good idea. Aether was only trusted because he came in with Amber, and also because he defeated Dvalin, which meant that you had no way of gaining their trust. Especially with nothing on you except your clothes, you won’t be able to defend yourself if something happens… It would be better to go somewhere else. 

Then, one question came to your mind.

Were the characters even speaking your language, or understanding it? 

If they did not… you will be in great trouble. 

You looked at the green bright leaves, admiring the way the sunlight shone through them, but you couldn’t help but sigh in misery. 

You were hit over the head with a sledgehammer, as you remembered how much knowledge you were lacking. You had absolutely no idea of what part of the storyline you were currently in, if anything at all around you was real or not, and if you had even an insignificant chance of surviving this world. Anything could come crashing down on you at any moment, and you could be already in trouble without even being aware of it. 

By only thinking about the negative and dangerous possibilities awaiting you after stepping into Mondstadt, unknowingly, you scared and convinced yourself that it was better to leave. Nodding your head to yourself, you admire the beautiful sight of the wind city before turning in the other direction. You stretched, letting a soft satisfied groan escape your lips, and after dusting off your pants from sitting on the ground for too long, you followed the path that you chose, which should let you towards the southwest. 

It may be the survival instinct or just the way any human was agitated while being in an unknown land, but it seemed like your brain was only focusing on a way to come through everything on your path. As you thought about what you were lacking, you envisaged how and where you could find a camp, so you could steal a weapon, along with collecting some food. After all, you are well aware that you will not survive for long if you have nothing yourself or any resources. 

As you walked, the path became thinner, the ground was not taken care of, and rocks along with cracks and fissures. You reached another small forest, and at the edge of it, you managed to distinguish a camp, with a small pile of twigs in the middle put on fire. Aware of how vulnerable you were, and not in a position of power, you decided to be sneaky about your attack.

It took a little less than an hour to reach the camp, a long time was spent analyzing your situation, checking how many hilichurls were in that camp, how many were armed, and who was the closest to you. You did not attack immediately, as you decided to be patient and whole strategy to get out of there unharmed. 

After gathering all your courage, and making sure it was realizable, you attacked the hilichurl that was the further away from the camp and the other monsters. You crouched and moved towards it, sneakily grabbing two rocks that were on the ground. You threw the first one away, so it could make a noise and distract the hilichurl, and used the other to hit it strongly at the back of the head. Not wanting to get caught by the rest of the camp, you grabbed the sword that fell on the ground and run away. 

Since then, a few days passed, and you managed to collect everything you needed. With your newfound weapon, you were now able to raid camps and take what you required, why or without using violence. It was weird, but a few times, the hilichurls would not attack you and simply let you take what you needed. 

By now, since you started imagining this fantasy world, three days passed. At least, the sun went down three times, though you had no idea for how long you have been stuck here. During those days, you managed to get better weapons, including the Light of Foliar Incision, which you certainly did not expect to find in a chest hidden in a crevice; and the Vortex Vanquisher, which you stole from a hilichurl which itself surely stole it. 

Also, you learned how to chase boars and catch fishes in nearby rivers. Your alimentation was mainly based on fruits, vegetables, and the few animals that you could find. Still following the path, you found a bag that was left abandoned on the side of the road, it was empty, except for a few moras. Without thinking much, you took it and used it to put your food in there, keeping the mora, and also some materials. 

Finally, you considered yourself ready and able to move out of this zone. Despite moving left and right, you always managed to fall back onto your original path, which would end up leading you to a certain city. You were convinced that with your current inventory, you would be prepared mentally and physically for anything that could happen. 

Though, until now, a detail escaped from your mind. As you were too focused on having higher chances of surviving, you completely forgot what were your worries in the first place… Which was, what happened and how you got stuck here. 

It’s not that you weren’t curious or confused, you were, extremely. But, it was as if something was clearing up your mind whenever you were thinking about it. As you were thinking about it, you felt a sudden pain in the back of your head, and in an instant, you forgot what you were thinking about. 

You stood there, silent, trying to remember what you were so concentrated on, but you seemed to not be able to find it. Sighing, you went back to walking, you passed through the forests, glades, the Windwail Highland, and the Dawn Winery, when finally you reached Bishui Plain. You really wanted to pass the Stone Gate before sunrise, and Dihua Marsh before noon. 

Standing on a cliff, you admired the scenery, the golden leaves of the tree were shining with the first ray of sunlight, and the most perfect green grass you have ever seen was swaying gently with the wind. From afar, you could admire the Wangshu Inn, but unfortunately, you had to speed up and not let yourself get distracted. You had only enough resources to last for a day or so, and you couldn’t afford to lose more time. So, you kept walking, shielding your eyes from the scorching sun, even though it was only the morning. 

You were extremely thankful that on the way, near the mountains of Bishui Plain; you were even lucky enough to cross paths with some merchants, from whom you bought a map with some of the mora that you found in the bag. This map not only allowed you to understand what was your exact location, but also the position of every shop, confirming if you were on the good path and showing the best spot to hunt. Yet, there was also none near your current location, you wished you took a break sooner.

Still, you couldn’t complain as the merchants were sympathetic enough to give you direction and even suggested accompanying you for a day or so, as they were going the same way. With them by your side, you walked through the mountains in record time, avoiding all the difficult and dangerous paths with their knowledge. You thanked the merchants multiple times before going on your way, more than indebted to their kindness. Also, you were especially pleased to learn that the people here were speaking your language, or at least a few of them were, so the language barrier was not going to be a problem. 

So, you went on your separate way with newfound knowledge, a better understanding of your current surroundings, and more resources, such as food and water. 

During such long journeys, it was not rare to start questioning yourself, your abilities, and your goal. And so, on your way, doubts consumed your mind. 

At first, you were heading towards Liyue with confidence, absolutely certain that you could, and would, reach your aim. But then, you couldn’t help but question your current situation, a recurrent question coming back: What was going on?, and, Since when reaching Liyue become such an important objective for you? 

It was sudden, but it was something you did not think about deeply before. Interrogating yourself on how you ended up in this situation, the details that were flying away from your mind finally came back. 

You were not just traveling, you were on a journey, going through places that you were perfectly aware did not exist in your world. You were hallucinating, or daydreaming perhaps, imagining yourself in a fantasy world. Then, it hit you like a ton of bricks, it was not your reality, you were dreaming. 

Nothing around you was real, it was just coming out of your imagination, the details caused by the hours you spent on that game. It was so logical, and yet you did not think about it before. The thought that everything was fictional and fantastic weirdly reassured you, as you understood that you had never been in danger, since it was a reverie. You had no reason to be preoccupied with hunger, dehydration, or even afraid of hilichurls. 

Until then, you were attacking the camps to survive, but you weren’t in a troublesome situation, so was it really useful? If you were simply lost in your subconscious, none of your actions regarding your supposed ‘survival’ were needed anymore.

It was with newfangled determination and confidence that you walked towards Liyue, not fearing anything or anyone. 

The apprehension and dread of dying, getting attacked, or being hurt held no power, the apprehension was nonexistent in your system. It was just a small detail. Still, you refused to always act recklessly all the time, you weren’t brainless and preferred to avoid too dangerous areas. You would survive either way, but suffering even for a short amount of time was not on your plan. Instead, you would get into fights you only knew you could win, yes you acquired some scars and bruises, but you also gained a better ability to fight, defend, and block, along with more flexibility and agility. 

It was not completely bad. 

Still, you learned that the pain was very much real, and after a few confrontations with numerous hilichurls, you concluded that it was better to take care of yourself. Even if nothing was real, the sensations, and emotions were, and you had to try your best to avoid getting hurt. It also made you come to another conclusion, which was that you shouldn’t get too close to powerful or dangerous characters. 

It would be a shame for your dream to end just because you were being too curious. 

After fighting with hilichurls many times, your clothes were ruined and some of your wounds couldn’t be cleaned, so you hoped to cross paths with another group of merchants, but it did not happen, unfortunately. You had to patch yourself up with what you could find, and hoped you will find a doctor in Liyue, other than Baizhu, since you shouldn’t get too close to known characters. 

Two days passed, and you were at the end of the Guili Plains, which was a pain to walk through, as there was a lack of vegetation and a place to hide from the sun. But it was granting you direct access to Liyue Harbor, so you just speed through this zone. Finally seeing the end near the middle of the night, you were too tired to continue walking, so you hid behind a rock and slept for some hours. 

It is only when you woke up, in the middle of the morning, almost noon that you noticed that you were finally able to get a glimpse of Liyue Harbor’s buildings from afar. It gave you an energy boost, as you jumped on your feet and took a rapid walking pace. 

As you keep going forward, you are able to admire more of the magnificent city, the green roofs shining through the air, and the sky, seeming to come out of a dream. It was such luck that you reached the city in the middle of the city when the sun was the highest in the sky, and the rays of light were shining through the clouds in a beautiful golden hue. 

Much to your pleasure, that resplendent glow was making everything sparkle, the emerald green roofs brighten, and the orange ones turn into a sweet shiny merigold color. The wondrous sight temporarily blinded you, hardly letting you able to admire the glimpse of what could be the calmest and most relaxing place you ever went to. Such a sight could be considered a blessing. 

Which each step you were taking, the light was getting more blazing and radiant, Liyue Harbor was giving off an atmosphere rich in luxury, and a sunny ambiance, even from afar. It was very impressive and imposing, the height of the building and the overall aura made you feel so small and powerless. It became even stronger when you reached the edge of the city, forced to stop at the entrance to process everything.

It was as if time froze, you stood there in awe, silently trying to take in the entire view, admiring each small detail that made the ambiance and buildings seem to come out of precious stones. 

Captivated by the climate and feel, you completely ignored the people around you to call over a small, cute cat, petting it for a while. As it purred and pushed its head against your hand, completely hogging your attention, the locals were observing you. Despite being used to seeing tourists get shocked by the architecture, they have rarely seen someone in such awe to the point they remained frozen and speechless. 

Some people were looking at you up and down, a group of women was chuckling while observing you, and some elders were glaring at your person and especially at your choice of outfit. If you ever wished to go unnoticed, you definitely failed.

It wasn’t surprising that you were drawing every person your way, as everything about you was standing out. Your foreign features were intriguing, along with your impressive height and build, which made most people curious and fascinated. Your face, the small and bigger scars littered over your body, your weird and ripped clothes along with your way of moving, keep catching the attention of any passer-by. 

For many, you were captivating, not only for your looks but also for the strange atmosphere floating around you. It was like waves, a translucent smoke coming out one by one, floating before vanishing into thin air. Only a few were able to see it, all of them had small glowing gems encased in a decorative design, the rest could only feel a certain difference in the air. 

Meanwhile, you were still completely lost in your thoughts, mindlessly petting the cute cat, which was soon joined by two dogs and another cat. Wondering about what you could do while being in Liyue, where to sleep, get food, and perhaps the places you could visit? You couldn’t help but be extremely curious about the characters that you could meet here, but you tried to convince yourself to keep feeling for yourself and stay away. 

You had to act oblivious, as if you knew nothing about their identities of them, and any other NPC. You needed to behave like a normal tourist. 

For now, you did not encounter any important character except for Amber, and you were just as glad as you were disappointed. It was incredible to have a vivid dream, and yet, you could not enjoy it to its full extent, which was extremely frustrating. By interacting with any character you knew, or your favorite ones, you would risk panicking and possibly dying if you let out pieces of information you shouldn’t know. 

Even though you hated acting like an oblivious person, you knew it was for the best. After all, it was still just a dream or hallucination, and you will surely not remember when you wake up. It is acceptable to make one or two mistakes by talking to a character, but you should not cross the line and keep yourself in check. 

Since you did not know how far you were in the storyline, you were scared of the fact that you could blur out something that did not happen yet. And you had no idea how a character could react, so you did not want to say something that would lead you to your dreamed death. 

You were so deep into your own mind that you did not sense the person standing next to you, unaware as they try to get your attention. They seemed to have tried calling you multiple times, and patting you on the shoulder until they finally lost patience and held your forearm, nails lightly pushing into your skin. When they were certain that they had your attention, since your head snapped up but not in their direction, they asked you designless questions. The person just managed to snap you out of your focused state, but you were still figuring out what you could do or not do before really realizing that someone was talking. 

At first, you thought they were someone who helps tourists and perhaps wanted to be your guide, but when their hand started to caress your arm and flirted with you, your conclusion flew out the window. You couldn’t deny that someone touching you without asking, and especially in this way, was pissing you off, but you did not want to make a scene… As gently as you could, you removed their hands from you, giving them a tense and fake smile. You stood up, taking a few steps back, trying to ease the awkward tension by asking them if they knew any good hotel you could stay at. 

Your level of annoyance went through the roof when they suddenly brightened up. They were squeezing your forearm as they giggled and blushed while trying to sneak their other arm around your waist, pointing at a love hotel not far from here. Your blood was boiling as you could not even comprehend how someone could be so crude and shameless. The remaining of your patience disappeared, and you pushed them away rather harshly. You told them with repulse in your voice that you just wanted to have a play to stay at tonight, and certainly did not want to them again in any way. 

You may have talked more loudly than intended, since you felt many eyes on you, the nearest people observing the scene but not doing anything. A few elders were whispering to themselves, their eyes darting from the unknown person to you, and you felt irked when they concluded that you were the rude one since you were a foreigner. 

But before you could try to defend yourself, an elder woman stepped in, walking towards you slowly before patting your back. She loudly scolded the rude person, saying she saw everything, and they should be ashamed of jumping on a lost tourist. She told them to go away and leave you alone, before showing you the direction to two different hotels that were well-known in the city. Kindly suggesting you a few places to shop at, and what part of the city you needed to avoid. 

Genuinely glad, you bowed and thanked her for the kind help, also offering compensation for taking some of her time, but she refused. The older woman just asked you to help her walk home, as she didn’t need anything else. By now, the other person bothering you disappeared from the scene. 

All the attention shifted away from you, and the group of elders looked away in embarrassment, leaving without saying another word. Bidding the woman goodbye, you were left to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere of the afternoon again. 

At least, it would have been the case, if someone else was not set on disturbing you one more time. This person was staring at you intensely, their focus was not wavering, even for a second. Their gaze was penetrating your body, setting it on fire, seeming to observe every detail and write down absolutely everything that they could notice about you. 

It was extremely disturbing and distracting. 

Your head was set ablaze at first, your torso following suit as the fire on the back of your head died down, and finally, your stomach was reduced to ashes. This pressure coming from a simple look was sending chills up your spine, it seemed like this person was trying to kill you with their eyes only. 

When the weight of their stare became unbearable, your entire body turned to ashes which were scattered by the wind, reduced to nothing by this unknown person. Driven by confusion and discomfort, you turned in the direction the glare was coming from, staring at this person straight in the eyes, burning rage and perplexity behind your pupils. You certainly did not expect to see him, and you froze when you recognized him, body paralyzed by fear and awe.

A tall man,

With short messy hair, and blue eyes fixated on yours…

The 11th Harbinger, 

Childe.

Your previous thoughts came back to you, you were aware that you should act like nothing happen, ignore that important, dangerous, and charismatic character. You should avoid eye contact, as you had no chance to win against him, it would be impossible to lie in front of someone as clever as Childe. It was logical that you should settle on smiling innocently and leave as fast as possible, protect yourself and take some distance, but your body refused to move. 

The gears inside your mind were working crazily, even if you managed to successfully run away, nothing could guarantee that it would be enough to save yourself. Childe was much more dangerous than any other character, just how bad was your luck?

Perhaps it was because of the anxiety taking over your body, or the lack of options you could envisage in this situation, but you threw everything out the window. How could you just let a simple character in a stupid dream ruin your fun? 

You were not just going to accept it. 

Childe did not seem to get distracted by anything… The people walking past you and breaking your eye contact for a short instant, the chirping of the birds, the wind sneaking into your clothes and sending glacial up your spine, making its scarf in his face. Despite everything, his staring did not stop even once, his eyes’ color seeming to only get darker and duller by the second. 

He wasn’t fixated on only one part of your face, but also letting his eye glide, wander, over your body. There was a sudden stop when he reached the clear marks of fighting, the few bruises and cuts, the long scar you got across your abdomen, along with the spots where your clothes weren’t covering your skin anymore. He seemed unbothered, but you could see the twitching of his hands, the anxious darting of his eyes, the way his jaw clenched, and his lips were tightly held together. 

It was weird how you didn’t feel like you were in danger, despite looking at a man that surely killed in cold blood many people, and never felt any regret. It was as if you were getting analyzed by a predator, which was chasing his potential prey, trying to find their weak spot. 

Unfortunately for Childe, you are a stubborn man and certainly won’t let anyone try to devour you. Clicking your tongue, you stepped forward, looking down at the smaller man in an overconfident manner. Now able to stare at Childe right in the eyes, you distinguished how his composure faltered for a second, but the next one, he was back to his impassive and frightening attitude again. 

You stared at each other in an odd and tense silence, neither of you looking away, even though you almost did a few times, since bright butterflies kept flying around you and resting on your shoulders or hands. You had to concentrate, so you wouldn’t be tempted to look at their beautiful wings, while you could see that Childe struggled with the extra movement, but he still refused to be the first one to show some weakness. It was childish, but you were both stubborn. 

As you grew tenser, his gaze became colder and colder, seeming to freeze you on the stop, unlike before as you felt like you were burned to the ground. You could feel a certain form of danger coming closer, the breath of the wolf hitting your face as he opened wide to rip your head off. It was confusing, was Childe trying to warn you, threatening you, or simply entertaining himself? You couldn’t tell, and it was playing with your emotions. 

After a while, it was clear that this exchange could last for hours, and far wishing to stay here much longer, you gave up first. There was surely another way to distract or mock him before leaving, and so, you had the dumbest idea. That’s how you thoughtlessly teased the Harbinger.  

With the most lustful gaze that you could execute, you meet his eyes for a short instant, slowly and barely blinking. Letting a sweet smile appear on your face, you let your eyes run over his body, stopping at random spots such as his shoulders, waist, or thighs. You admired every curve and visible scar, stopping for long seconds at the skin his gray jacket was not covering. Maybe you got a bit too carried away, as you couldn’t take your eyes off his waist and thighs, his silhouette was captivating, to say the least. 

Your competitive mind turned into something much more… unholy. 

Getting carried away, you didn’t notice the way he was rubbing his thighs together or the sudden change in expression on his face, his mask breaking slowly. You snapped out of it when you notice how red his cheeks have become, your composure faltered for an instant, and you had to focus on going back to your previous act as you meet his eyes one last time. Acting confident, you gave him a discreet smirk before wetting your lips, Childe following the movement of your tongue with strong interest, feeling like he’s the one being hunted.

While he was distracted, you took it as an opportunity to leave. Far from caring about the annoying person from earlier, which was trying to follow you discreetly with doe eyes, you walked rapidly, wanting to reach a hotel while you still could. Childe’s eyes did not leave your back until you disappear into another street, away from him. 

The next hour was spent trying to find one of the hotels the elder woman mentioned, relax, and take care of anything that should be considered urgent. Much to your pleasure, you found out it was a really good hotel, and thankfully not too expensive, affordable for someone in your situation, in other words. Even better, the receptionist didn’t judge or questioned you about your choice of clothes and the few wounds, instead, they were kind enough to give you a first aid kit, along with recommending a local doctor. It was even more appreciated, as you couldn’t just go see Baizhu, he was far too clever. 

Taking the key and giving the receptionist the money, you went to the room, which was more than okay for the price you paid. You left everything you had inside your hotel room, only keeping some money, so you could get a change of clothes immediately, and go see that local doctor. 

Visiting the city, you noticed that except for a minor number of luxurious and expensive stores, everything else was rather affordable, far from overpriced. Taking the time to find what could suit you the best within your budget, a budget that wasn’t even yours to begin with… you choose simple but beautiful clothes, which seemed to take inspiration from the hanfu. You bought a dark shade of blue along with a few touches of gray that suited your skin color perfectly, and without making you stand out too much. 

The sweet lady taking care of the shop was kind enough to help you pick out an outfit that was within your range of price, and that could fit your bigger build. It was something you could notice quickly when you enter Liyue, most people rarely reach your shoulder, and you saw no one yet who was the same size as you. After your purchase, and changing immediately after, you left looking much more elegant and spotless, definitely satisfied. 

Listening to the receptionist and their precise advice, you went to the nearest doctor’s office and pharmacy, following the indication they gave you. Even though you were tempted to go to the Bubu pharmacy, you didn’t want this dream to end yet, so you stayed away.

Instead, you went to a normal doctor, which made a very good job, trying their best to take care of the nastiest wounds on the spot. Finally, none of your wounds were hurting or bleeding anymore, and they were kind enough to give you everything you needed to keep taking care of any minor injuries for almost nothing. 

Feeling worn out, you stopped at a cheap restaurant, not far from the Wanmin restaurant, run by Xiangling’s father. During your days in the wild, you learned how to do various dishes and your cooking was great, but it didn’t alter the fact that eating at a restaurant was always much tastier. You never thought that Zhongyuan Chop Suey or the Vegetarian Abalone could be this good.

When everything you had to do was finally over with, you were able to rest in your hotel room, thanking the receptionist on the way. Held by the golden hue, you slept the afternoon away, engulfed in the warm and soft sheets. 

It was weird to be in bed and try to sleep while knowing you were currently hallucinating or in a dream already, but that could explain why you fell into a dreamless sleep, swallowed by nothingness. Still, the sensation was unusual, and you couldn’t help but wonder for how long you’d been sleeping and why this dream is so vivid. 

Deep down, you started to doubt if it was really a dream, or if you were just hallucinating… The sensations and feelings were so real it was overwhelming. That’s why you promised yourself to be careful just in case, even though you knew it was impossible to wake up in an entirely different world just like that.

When you woke up, it was the evening already, the sun was almost completely down, and the streets were already busy with younger people. Still, it was surprising how relatively quiet it was despite how many people were outside. 

You observed them from your window, admiring the colorful wave of people, feeling attracted to this joyfulness. Not seeing any harm in going out and having some fun instead of waiting for the night to pass, certainly bored and without anything to do, you left your room. You showered before exiting the hotel, letting yourself get lost in the streets and get dragged away by unknown people. You ended up conversing with people you had no idea what were their names, where you were, or how you got here. 

You drank one glass after the other, getting yanked into a new group of people, being drawn left and right until you found the perfect one, which was really friendly and refused to let you go. Spending more time with them, it seemed like they already considered you as a member of their friends’ group. And so, you found yourself following this group of people as they were going to a bar, arguing about which one was the greatest. 

You weren’t so thrilled at the idea of going out to another place that was unknown, especially as you already were a tad tipsy, and it was not safe to end up completely drunk here. You knew how wild it can be at the end of the night, and you prefer still being able to think properly. 

Yet, when you saw how everyone was disappointed when you said no, the guilt ate you up, and you felt bad for ruining their mood, so you ended up going with them anyway. But, you did warn them that you would not be drinking more than a glass, and they seemed to agree, seeming to not want to finish the night wasted too. 

Unsurprisingly, this dreamy week has been hellish for you, between the fights, the resources you had to collect, and the wounds you couldn’t patch up, you were exhausted. You really needed to relax, so this night was one of the best opportunities to, and at worst, you could just go back to your hotel room if you were too tired or not feeling well.  

The idea of getting wasted while being in a dream sounded especially stupid, so you promise that you will be careful and keep track of your consumption. 

Letting your new friends guide you, walking through the streets, seeming endless while you were having fun and forgetting everything. Despite laughing and joking around, there was still a shadow on the back of your mind, taunting you. 

The encounter from earlier did not want to leave your memory, you could still feel the eyes, the pressure, and the tension. Even though you were certain that you would not cross paths with Childe again, something kept bothering you, the ghost of a hand wrapping around your neck and then caressing your cheek gently. 

One of your new friends had to pat you on the shoulder to make you snap out of your paranoid state, only to tell you that you reached the bar, and the rest was already inside. The man beside you laughed at your evident confusion, and he guided you inside without another word, ignoring the chill going up his spine when he touched you. Suddenly, he felt threatened and hunted by something with a terrifying aura. 

Pushing the door open, you were met with loud cheering and low music. The man beside you stopped and looked up, trying to find where this weird sensation of being observed came from. To his surprise, everyone was doing their own thing and not paying attention to you two at all. 

Confused, he glanced back at you, but you didn’t stop unlike him, and were already at the table with the other guys. 

That was the good option, as he should have done the same and followed you immediately, instead of letting himself get distracted. He felt someone grab his wrist and yank him outside without giving him a choice, shoving a sharp object in his stomach the moment they were far away. 

The world became blurry, but he was able to see blue piercing eyes before everything went black. 

Meanwhile, you sat down with the others, completely forgetting about the guy, as you just thought he found someone to spend the night with or something similar. You were enjoying yourself until your small group became too loud as time went on, the noise being brutal on your poor ears. 

You felt your head being split open by the loud voices and the music in the background, creating a cacophony that couldn’t bear anymore. Instead of complaining, you got up silently and went to the counter, which was less crowded and far from the music. Nodding at the person next to you out of politeness, you weren’t planning to talk to them at all. 

Set on just getting a drink and relaxing before joining the group once again, you blocked out any superficial noise, ignoring the people trying to get close to you or buy you a drink. You wouldn’t even notice them, and if you did, waving them off was a clear enough message to be left alone. 

Much to your pleasure, the barman seemed to get the hint that you weren’t up to a discussion; So he left you alone, only interacting with you when taking your order, and he nicely let you enjoy your drink in peace. With a sweet smile professional smile, he would check on you from time to time, sliding a glass of water your way when he felt like it was needed. 

As time passed, you were less and less tempted to join your previous group again, which seemed to have gotten bigger and louder after you left. You felt well in your place, just sitting at the counter and relaxing, enjoying the drinks. Each drop was comfortingly burning your throat, swallowing the intoxicating liquor almost gratefully, sensing the way it was running down your trachea.

None of the drinks you tried had the taste of something you ever savored before, as it was something that only existed inside your dream and nowhere else. Or perhaps, you were just too tipsy to really feel the flavor and mix of alcohol that you were trying. 

As the moon became more visible, more people started to come to you, either trying to start a conversation or sitting down beside you and flirting. Most would give up the second you glared at them, more stubborn ones would try to pay for your drink but would get the hint rapidly, while some others seemed to never know when to stop. Thankfully, the barman was nice enough to drive away the most persistent and rude ones. 

For long minutes, you were left alone, until the chair beside you was drawn back. It was also moved closer to yours by the unknown person, and you couldn’t help but feel annoyed. Since they didn’t know you have been hit on too many times tonight, it was not their fault, but you couldn’t help but feel your patience run out. Annoyance was spreading through your body like wildfire. 

Expecting another annoying person, you glared at them, definitely not thinking you would see him. With an amused smirk on his face, Childe raised his eyebrow while observing you, motioning for the barman to get you another drink. The man glanced at you, wary, making sure that you did not mind. 

You sighed and nodded, Childe letting out a chuckle at the small movement, seeming diverted by what was happening. Though, his smirk disappeared as quickly as it appeared when someone tapped on his shoulder, by their way of speaking, it was clear they were pissed off. 

If you were at this person’s place, you would be frightened to death by the bloody glare he showed them, you feel your body freeze and a chill of terror go up your spine.

You watched as the gorgeous woman was complaining and accusing Childe of stealing her seat. She looked at you with doe eyes, almost managing to melt your heart, asking you to back her up. Did she expect you to lie just because she was pretty? If you were completely honest, it was so close to work, but Childe’s murderous aura was more powerful. 

Staring back at her with empty eyes, you kept sipping on your drink, the alcohol as burning as Childe’s gaze. Rapidly, the woman grew uncomfortable and scared, understanding that you weren’t going to help her, even with her flirting. 

You turned away before you could see her unhinged and disappointed glare, gritting her teeth as if she wanted to make you her next victim. At that moment, she almost completely forgot about Childe, which was the one she was mad at in the first place. Feeling uncomfortable, you were going to leave the bar, but the Harbinger placed his hand on your thigh, grip tightening whenever you tried to get up. 

From your peripheral vision, you could still see her tap on Childe’s shoulder, almost shaking him while cursing under her breath. It seemed like she was not going to give up any time soon, you threw a glance over your shoulder at the barman, who was already busy with someone else. 

Fearing for the woman’s life, you glanced at them only to notice that Childe was not even paying attention to her. During all this time, his eyes were fixated on you and his reactions. He keeps looking at you with those empty and dull eyes, or at least, that’s what they are supposed to be, because you could perceive something deeper inside of them that you couldn’t identify. 

With his elbow propped on the counter, his head resting on the palm of his hand, Childe tilted his head up when you made a gesture towards the barman, explaining the situation.

At the sound of your voice, he was unable to hide his smirk. He seemed to drink up every one of your words like honey, taking in every detail about you, feeling his legs bounce in excitement. Something was drawing him in, urging Childe to keep you close, touch you, and push every single one of those people away from you. 

Yet, he made an effort, and let you talk to the barman in peace. Still, Childe was annoyed that you didn’t just ask him to take care of that woman. 

His smirk turned even more disturbed when he saw the barman get around the counter and put the nuisance back in her place. The barman’s tone left no space for complaints, and she had to give up. More than entertained by the situation, Childe watched her walk away, not able to resist sending her a proud and mocking glance, seeming to crave a fight. 

And maybe also, he hated how she has been around you since you entered the bar. Thankfully, he did not have to take care of the group you were in before, since they were staying away. 

Now left completely alone together, you were surprised to not feel threatened by his presence, even while being this close to Childe. Yes, something definitely felt wrong, but Childe did not try anything yet and was acting rather friendly with you. In a certain way, you almost felt safe since he was here. 

While he was distracted by what just happened, you took the time to observe him carefully, as you did not have the time until now. In silence and without a care for anything else but him, you admire how perfectly realistic he was, based on the game’s information you knew. From his hair to his face, everything was similar and matching, except for a few details… such as the multiple small scars littering the side of his neck and face, along with the freckles all over his skin. 

Childe was absolutely beautiful, as alluring as intimidating. 

Observing him from head to toe, you notice the lack of his fatui mask and any design or symbol reminding you of his title. You admired his outfit, the gray putting all the spotlight on his hair and eyes, and you could not deny that he was intriguing and mysterious. His earring seemed to hypnotize you, despite not moving, it kept catching your attention every time you glanced up. 

It took you a few minutes to notice that Childe completely stopped moving, and when you looked up, you saw him smiling at you mockingly. The embarrassment of getting caught staring at him washed over you, the heat spreading through your chest. You were forced to look away, unable to maintain eye contact, as you finished your glass in one go to forget it. 

You could still feel his gaze on you, teasing you while feeling proud in a certain way. Wanting to distract him from your awkwardness, you made a sigh to the barman, asking him to serve the two same drinks. You hoped that Childe would just take the glass and leave, but at the same time, deep down, you wanted him to stay and enjoy his presence; Despite the fact that you weren’t supposed to interact with him in the first place. 

In a strange way, you had no idea how to act with Childe, his presence alone left you in a constant state of confusion and amazement. The bouncing of his legs attracted your attention, noticing how he was not relaxed at all, his body being tensed since earlier as if he was ready to jump. 

… Was he planning something? 

For an unknown reason, you suddenly felt really anxious, and you discreetly moved your chair away, not missing Childe’s hand trying to grab the side of your chair. Thankfully, at that same moment, the barman came back with two glasses, placing them in front of both of you. 

You planned to finish yours in one go, pay for the drinks immediately, and leave, but it seemed like Childe would not let you disappear that easily. As you took the money out, your wrist was gently pushed down against the counter and Childe paid for you, just in front of your face. You froze, dumbfounded, and the barman was just as surprised, but he took the money without a word. 

To say you were confused was an understatement. Sure, Childe was not always evil and planning something, but he was not an overly kind man paying for everybody. Especially since you were a stranger that weirdly and openly stared at him twice, brought him in trouble with an unknown woman, and is extremely awkward around him to the point it’s exceedingly suspicious. 

Though, he was not any less shady. The fact that he ended up in the same bar as you, sitting beside you on purpose, and seemed to be entertained by anything you did, was much worse than your own behavior. 

With a sigh, you just grabbed your drink and chucked it down, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. But when your throat started to painfully burn along with your tongue which seemed to be on fire, you rethink your life decisions, and your ability to think properly. 

You should have checked how strong the drink you ordered was, instead of just pointing to the first one you saw, because your throat definitely hates you now. And in addition to all the previous drinks you got, it may be the last straw to your sanity. Concealing your reaction to the painful sensation was a real challenge, you suddenly felt weird when you got up. 

Your head was spinning, heat spreading under your skin and your throat was begging for some relief. Before you could walk away, Childe ordered another set of drinking, patting your chair with a smile. That took you aback, you hesitated, but you were also curious about how the situation would turn out. You may be able to handle your alcohol quite well, usually at least, but you already drank a lot… You had no idea how much Childe could handle, and how many glasses you were away from getting drunk.

Your intoxicated mind discarded any warnings and worries, eyes not focusing on the shining red blade in his pocket, or the few drops of blood staining the bottom of his pants. Before you knew it, you were sitting down and letting Childe choose and order more drinks, one after the other. A little game also started between you, alternately choosing the next cocktail or strong alcohol you would share, testing the other’s taste and limits. 

After all, you were both foreigners… in a way, so you were mostly discovering. 

One from Snezhnaya, and the other from another world, just dreaming or hallucinating, and enjoying himself. This information seemed to fly out of your system, becoming just a useless detail that did not matter. 

Drink after drink, your tongues loosened, and you talked more or less freely to each other. With a nonexistent language barrier and no care for manners, or the fact that you were complete strangers, you speak more than you should. Enjoying yourselves as if you were long-time friends, exchanging life stories and some classified information. Childe even talked about the Fatui, mentioning the other Harbingers and details about their personalities, without saying their name. 

He even rambled about his family and the memories he shares with them, telling more about his little brothers and sister. Also mentioning how he hoped you could meet them one day. 

“I know they would adore you…”

The night went on, seeming to be endless, whenever he would stop talking, it was almost unconscious, but you would take over the rambling. Never were you bored or tempted to leave after that, Childe was a fantastic drinking buddy, you could give him that. 

Surprisingly, your good time was never interrupted by anyone. Especially by another person trying to flirt with you. With Childe by your side, most people did not dare to step any closer, and the crazy ones who were tempted to go frightened immediately. At least, his intimidating aura was useful, as it was guaranteeing you a peaceful and joyful night, so you couldn’t complain about it. 

Despite your more-than-tipsy state, you were not completely oblivious or unable to think, and conscious enough to avoid making any mistakes… such as using his name, as he never introduced himself properly, any details about his life or his friends, which would be the worst mistakes you could ever make. 

Until now, you are convinced that you never slipped up and would remain alive after this night. Or at least, you hoped you will. 

You have no idea how long you stayed with him, but when you looked outside the window, the moon was already high in the sky and most people left the bar. It was much calmer, the barman played relaxing music as most customers were too tired to dance and shout anymore, some were passed out, and the rest were talking calmly. 

With fewer people around you, Childe seemed to relax and not be on guard anymore, speaking in a charming voice while getting physically closer to you. 

Turns out Childe was not any better than the rest of the people who tried to hit on you tonight, and he was perhaps even worse as he was being sneaky about it. Though you could not deny that he was extremely attractive, and was not leaving you uninterested, as much as he was threatening. 

You noticed how he was slowly inching closer and closer, by either moving his chair or using the excuse of being too far to hear you, as if your legs weren’t almost touching. His eyes refused to separate from your figure, always looking at you up and down when he thought you weren’t looking. His eyes were so piercing it gave you the same sensation as if his hands were on you, or a knife. 

If a stare could burn, your entire body would be reduced to ashes by now. 

There was also the way his hand kept moving towards your leg, and when he was finally able to reach your knee, Childe could not help but move his hand up. The soft feeling of his thumb caressing the upper part of your thigh sends a delicious chill up your spine until they got too close to your crotch, but thankfully not crossing the line yet. 

Childe even suggested showing you around the city the next day, as it was your first time in Liyue Harbor. Proudly claiming that there was no better guide than him around the place. For him, that was overly nice. It confirmed all your doubts, something that was troubling from the start, the way Childe was so out of character. 

The way his dull blue eyes were turning brighter whenever he was looking at you, how they seemed to sparkle with mischief and some kind of heat. It was as if he was burning from the inside. This unusual glint shining through his eyes seemed to call for you, even more messing up with your mind. 

A good hour passed, and everyone around you was completely wasted, only you and Childe were still looking alive and breathing. He tried to offer you one more drink, but you knew it would be betting with the devil. You were feeling sick and hot earlier, now your organs turned to ashes and your throat was completely numb, even your taste buds got washed away. 

With a groan, you shook your head, claiming that it was over for the night, and you should both go home safe, and avoid being sick the next morning. His expression seemed to turn dark for a second, before going back to his friendly and easy personality. 

Knowing he could be able to convince you to stay more if he insisted, you got up immediately, leaving your half-full glass on the counter. Playing enough mora down to pay for the last drinks Childe did not pay yet, you thanked the barman and went away. You couldn’t help but give Childe a victorious smile when the barman took the money before he could do anything. 

When you noticed how he swayed while getting up, you couldn’t conceal your chuckle, helping him to get up. Grabbing him by the arm when he stumbled to the left, stabilizing him, he completely face-planted into your chest. You held him until you were certain he could walk correctly, leaving the bar together and bidding him goodbye immediately, preventing him to say anything. 

He seemed really disappointed as he grabbed your shoulder, bringing you closer as he suggested walking home together, but you refused again. The tension in the air increased and then disappeared just as quickly. With a sigh, Childe nodded and gave you a weak smile, waving as you walked away. 

But what was suspicious and confusing, was when you turned into an alley… and he was still standing there, watching over you with a weird look in his eyes.

Your suspicion was confirmed when you heard footsteps behind you, light enough, so a drunk person could not perceive them. Unfortunately for Childe, you knew how to act drunk pretty well, and you were certainly not stupid enough to just get wasted with a complete stranger, which you were aware was dangerous on top of that. 

You tried to remain calm, ignoring the way he was sneaking behind you as if he was your shadow, hiding whenever you seemed to slow down or get distracted. For now, he wasn't making a move to attack you, but you couldn't relax while knowing he could be planning to kill you. 

It was confusing, as you were certain you made no mistake, so he had no reason to act this way. With each step, you were trembling and hoping he would give up, and you almost had a heart attack when someone came out of a nearby alley, which was completely dark. 

The person apologized when they saw your frightened expression, their voice, and face seems familiar, but you were too tense to pay more attention. Reassuring the person that everything was already, you walked away quickly without wasting a second, putting as much distance as possible between Childe and you. 

It turned out to be useless, as within a few seconds, he was already back behind you. Powerless, you let him follow you, slowly and creepily. Knowing it would not work to just run away as fast as you could, you focused all your attention on finding a way to trick him. 

When finally, a dumb idea but possibly your best option sneaked its way into your head.

You kept moving, purposely slowing down or making it seems like you couldn't walk in a straight line. You took two breaks on the way, so you could focus on your breathing and trying to stay calm. You wanted to make sure you wouldn't panic, but also test if he was going to jump on you the second you stop walking.

And despite the numerous times when you were in a vulnerable situation, he didn't do anything, so you assumed that he was going to follow you to the place you were staying at. Which, wasn't good news either.

When you reached the hotel, the receptionist was not there, unfortunately, so you had to keep going. You had hoped for a moment that someone would be here, and they could help you hide, but luck was not on your side. You would be by yourself, definitely, with Childe coming for you.

You acknowledged how his footsteps seemed to be farther away, as he was surely analyzing the environment, and see if he could get noticed. So you took it as an opportunity to walk faster up the stairs, hoping it would give you some time to set up your backup plan, since you had no one you could ask for help to.

Reaching your room, you unlocked the door before closing it behind you, without locking it again, knowing Childe could break it down easily if he wanted to. You had some time ahead of you, since you rushed up the stairs, and he will surely keep being as careful as he was before, so it gives you a few minutes.

Since you were drunk, not locking the door could pass as a mistake in your intoxicated state. And also, in case he really breaks in, it could explain why you did not wake up while he tried to enter, since he made no sound. If he were to kick the door open, even drunk, it would be suspicious if you weren't woken up by the noise. And that would ruin your plan.

That was risky, but it could also work out well for you.

As you went through the small apartment, you purposely made more racket, as a drunk person would, bumping into furniture, and leaving your shoes in the middle of the corridor.

While doing so, you also pushed one of the pieces of furniture in the living room near the corner, so you could have a space to hide in. The shadow should cover you, and with the angle, if the door gets open, it should not reveal your location.

You moved audibly for a few more minutes, taking pillows from the living room and putting them under the blanket on your bed. You hoped it would trick him if Childe never turn the light on, and he would take some time to understand it was not you. Finally, you turned all the lights off, and closed the door of your bedroom, as it was the only one making a sound when it moved, Childe could guess you went inside there last.

Then, you walked discreetly towards the little hiding spot you made, glad your socks were concealing the sound of your footsteps.

Back in the small living room, you sat down in the corner, hiding behind the largest furniture of in the room, as it covered most of your build when you forced your knees against your chest. Exhaling and inhaling deeply, you slowed down your breathing and tried to relax as much as you could, holding the rolling pin you found in the kitchen.

With apprehension, you keep an eye on the door, convinced that Childe would try to enter the apartment soon enough.

It seemed like you were right as after long and tense minutes of pure silence, you heard the handle crack as it was moved down.

Instead of immediately entering, Childe waited and was making sure that you were actually sleeping, listening to see if there was any noise, or anyone coming from the stairs. When he was sure the coast is clear, he hoped the door opened silently, and the light coming from the corridor shone through the room.

Thankfully, it was not bright and strong enough to reveal your hiding spot. Still, you forced yourself to not make any movements, as you feared getting his attention now. You had to stay still for a little longer, and everything would go well, at least you hope it will.

The quiet steps of the 11th Harbinger were resonating through the almost empty room, slow and calculated, recognizing the person that killed and surely has done many disgusting and morally reprehensible acts.

The soft taps were getting closer, almost in the middle of the room now, and he stepped forward a little more, he could have seen you. But instead, he went towards your bedroom door. There was no doubt that he knew exactly where he was going, as he murmured under his breath which room was behind each door.

There were three closed doors, but he knew precisely what they were leading to, and it made a chill go up your spine.

It was not a coincidence, perhaps never was.

Childe pushed the door of your bedroom open, and it was soundless this time, even if you were in there, you wouldn't have heard him at all.

There were three footsteps, and suddenly, he stopped moving. Was he waiting to see if you were still asleep?

You could hear his breath, the sudden deep inhale before he held it, certainly trying to listen for any suspicious noise. Despite being convinced that he was being really discreet and careful, he needed to make sure. When he was certain, he moved forward, each step being more cautious than the other, avoiding any misstep.

Suddenly, everything went silent.

You stood up as soundlessly as you could and tiptoed towards the bedroom, slowly hearing Childe's breath in a clear way, noticing how ragged it was. You took a quick glance inside the room and saw him standing there, motionless, a few steps away from your bed.

The pillows under the cover seemed good enough to trick him. It was completely dark in the apartment, so it was certainly why he didn't understand the sham yet. Thankfully for you, your eyes adapted to the luminosity after a few long minutes, so you could see almost perfectly.

You were aware it would not last much longer, so you did not waste one more second. Moving immediately, he seemed to sense it instantly, as the sudden motion startled Childe and made him jump. Unfortunately, you were already behind him, as nothing was standing between you to slow you down.

Without thinking, on the full impulse of wanting to save yourself, you wrapped your hands around Childe's neck. Despite his athletic build, his neck was small, almost delicate under your hands, you could feel his pulse speed up under your palms.

His hands shot up instantly without any hesitation as he grabbed your wrist, and your thumbs were digging into his skin. To break free, you felt his grip tightening around your own rapidly. His body was heating up, panic and unaccustomed fear taking over his system, he was suffocating.

Choking him, you refrained to tighten your hold too much, not wanting to kill him but simply knocking him out. It was weirdly pleasing and enjoyable to feel someone collapsing because of you, the faint pulse and breath after he stops wrestling.

A few seconds ago, he was trying to grab your arms, kick your legs or your knee in the hope you would let him go, but he reacted too late to defend himself. Most of his strength left him rapidly, and with the height difference, along with the fact that you grabbed him from behind, he was unable to do anything.

Childe heard you murmur something in his ear, and that's when he finally recognized your voice and touch. Almost gently, he felt your grip loosen, and then, a hard object made contact with the back of his head.

Now that you were supposedly safe, you observed Childe’s limp body. With the force you used, you were certain that he should be knocked out for a little while without a doubt. For the first time today, you could sit down and really think about what was happening, sorting out your thoughts. 

In a way, you knew from the start that something like this could happen, even if you tried to convince yourself of the opposite. Too many things were suspicious from the start, both in his behavior towards you and the way he was acting with others. A certain thing was still unclear though, what were his real intentions? 

Has he been planning to kill you from the start, or do something else to you? Was he usually flirting to make his next target more comfortable around him and lower their guard? That could be a possibility… This was really confusing for your poor intoxicated brain, it was already such luck that you could handle this alcohol well, or else, who knows what could have happened to you. 

For now, you could only wait. As Childe knows the area much better than you, running away would only give you more time, but would not save you in the long term. This man was not the kind of person to give up on his prey, even if he had to destroy a city to catch his prey, he would. So, he would chase after you until you give up or die. 

Ultimately, it was the same to stay here with him or leave. And perhaps, before the end of this dream, you could understand what he was thinking. 

You went around the room, searching for anything that could be useful. Despite going through everything, you didn't manage to find something useful, until you opened a drawer. Inside was thin iron wire, surely there in case it was needed if something was misfunctioning inside the room, but you weren't going to use it the way it was made for. Disregarding the fact that it could really hurt him, you tied him to the bed, making sure to block his wrists and ankles correctly without it being too tight unless he moves.

When you were sure everything was secure, you search into his clothes to take away any weapons he had. But surprisingly, he didn't have anything on him, not even a small knife, which was suspicious since you were almost certain you saw something shiny and sharp inside his pocket. Unlike what you thought, he really was empty-handed, the only thing on him was a large amount of Mora.

Checking once again, and another time again, he really had nothing on him, which was weird for someone that was literally following home a few minutes ago. Just thinking about it, you felt anxious and had the irrepressible urge to tighten Childe's restraints again, only to be sure it was safe.

In silence, you grabbed a chair and placed it on the opposite side of the room, out of reach. For now, you were dead tired, especially after drinking so much, and you could only think about having a break. Without wasting much time, you left your bedroom and locked the door, you went to the bathroom to get rid of this foul odor of alcohol and sweat. The anxiousness and exhaustion made you be much quicker than usual, and you were back inside the bedroom within a short few minutes.

Fearing the possibility of being exhausted when Childe wake up and try to break free, you took the decision of sleeping now. Sat on the uncomfortable chair, your back complaining about the hard wood that was digging into your shoulder blade. You felt your eyelids grow heavier in an instant, the long night catching up on you as you fell asleep, your neck already complaining about the horrible position you were in.

Despite the way your brain shut off in an instant, your instincts of survival and the fear of being harmed made you unable to rest properly. At every little sound, whether it was inside or outside the room, you would jump awake, checking if Childe moved. Your mind was on high alert, always ready to protect yourself.

The night grow deeper, moonlight shining through the opened window. It was calm outside, letting you for at least a few minutes rest in peace and quiet. Only the sounds of drunkards going home, cats meowing and fighting, or the sounds of flapping wings through the dormant sky could be heard.

Two hours passed, the night has grown deeper and darker. It was silent, calming, and resting, until a small creaky noise was heard, followed closely by a deep groan. Right away, your eyes had shot open, falling onto the waking-up man tied up on the bed. He was slowly coming back to his senses, everything rushing to him at once, along with his memories of what happened.

In a disguised panic, hidden under sleepiness and fake confidence, Childe blinked rapidly as he tried to move his arms and legs. The thin iron wire cut into his skin like butter, each of his action making the restraints more harmful, so he stopped all motion. His position in these circumstances was clear, even more when he slowly looked up towards the ceiling, and saw you from the corner of his eyes, sitting on a chair and glaring at him.

Childe was aware that this situation should not make his heart beat incredibly faster in his chest, but he could not help it. His heartbeat has never been this fast, and he could feel himself sweat in fear and excitement.

Instead of possibly worsening your opinion of him, Childe opted to stay silent, only watching you, observing you like a hawk to find a weakness. And so, you were the one who broke the tense silence.

“What were you planning to do?”

With everything happening, you had absolutely no idea of what to say. The fact that Childe didn't try to break free did reassure you a little, but it didn't mean that you were safe, far from it, actually. In your mind, you were convinced that Childe was planning to harm you, or kill, which were terribly similar in the end when you know this character.

Without much of a surprise, your question remained unanswered. Despite the position he was in, it wasn't unexpected that Childe would not tell you why he was here and what he was planning. The silence grow tenser, Childe had the time to come back to his senses completely, much faster than any other human, as he had regained his full focus and composure.

With the quietness of the room engulfing you, a feeling of anger bubbled inside you, as he didn't acknowledge your presence anymore or even tried anything. With a sigh, you scratched your nape, looking at him as your blood slowly boiled until you had enough.

You stood up, the chair pushed back and falling at your sudden movement in a loud sound. Within seconds, you were next to him, your hand slamming onto the bed just next to his head as you demanded him to answer your question. The sudden action made Childe react, and he turned his head towards you, dull eyes plunging into yours. Instead of a possible glacial glare, you were met by something highly different.

What you expected to be an attitude proving you that your life will be done for in the next minutes, and showing his internalized murderous intent was such a different expression and look. Childe's cheeks were a soft shade of red, almost unnoticeable with the freckles covering his face. His ears were redder though, and very noticeable as his hair was not long enough to hide them.

Definitely not trying to cover it, Childe have a little excited grin on his face, thin rosy lips stretched out as his cheeks became just a little redder. In a smooth motion, he wet his lips, clearing his throat when you grow a bit distracted. Under his confidence was a mischievous look, like he was planning something but not as bad as you thought it was.

His eyes were fixated on you, dull eyes growing a bit warmer but still cold as ice. His pupils were dilated to an abnormal extent, almost completely swallowing the harsh blue, left in a thin circle. They were somewhat begging, trying to get something out of you, and were sending you a particular looks that you couldn't comprehend yet.

It took you some long seconds, and by observing him more closely, it hits you suddenly. Childe actually never gave off any murderous intent, but it was actually a curious and excited look he has been giving you the whole time. Because the eyes he had now, were the same he was showing you inside the bar, and also the same when you met him for the first time while entering Liyue after days of traveling.

It seems like you mistook his intentions towards you from the start, everything you thought could be a sign of being threatened, was utterly different from what you imagined. Yet, it could erase the fact that he followed you to your hotel, and broke into your rented apartment, so there was still something fishy about him.

This time, you take the time to observe him correctly, noticing how his back was slightly arching off the bed despite having nothing forcing him to, the way his fingers curled up anxiously, the back of his head pushed against the pillow, and the way he was strangely rubbing his thighs together.

And then, another detail hits you. It was how his tight gray pants were hiding absolutely nothing of his excitation, and the position Childe was in left him powerless and unable to cover himself.

Despite realizing this, you can't help but be uncomfortable and tense around him. There was this feeling at the back of your throat, the same one that was pooling at the bottom of your stomach… This fear mixed with a certain attraction that shouldn't be there.

Whether you were in a dream or not, what just happened was terrifying, and you were still a bit frightened. Your attraction for the Childe in your dream was caused by the character that you knew, the fanon one, and not the devilishly scaring one currently in your hotel room. You were aware that Childe was not a good man, after all, he possibly tried to get you drunk, he definitely broke into your hotel room after following you for a few long minutes into the deserted streets.

Even in the case that Childe was not planning to kill you, it was still alarming to be in this situation. You were certain that even if something bad happened to you, it was a dream, so you would just wake up, there was some anxiousness left in you.

Instead of panicking more and potentially make your dream end with a terrible fate, you decided to calm down. You walked out of the room, after checking if Childe was still tightly restrained, and then, took deep breaths in and out. Counting in your head, you slowly made your heart rate go down, along with a part of your anxiety.

It took you a few more minutes to get mentally ready to go back inside the bedroom. What you absolutely wanted, was answers on why Childe followed you here, and since you were still in a position of power, this was the perfect opportunity. At worse, if nothing goes well, you could still leave the hotel early and then, travel again to one of the other cities.

After taking a finally deep inhalation, you opened the door again, and went inside.

Childe was still in the same state you left him in, which was reassuring. You stood next to the bed, at an arm length from it, and stared at Childe which looked back at you, his eyes not moving from your face.

When you asked the same question again, about what he was planning to do by coming here, he did not stay silent this time. Childe was facing you without any shame or guilt, seeming really relaxed for someone who got caught the way he was. With a strong and confident voice, Childe said that he just wanted to observe you and spend the night here.

His lack of shame was impressive. Everything was silent for some seconds, and then, he continued to talk. More lowly this time, he explained that he felt something earlier that day when he saw you. It was the kind of feeling he had when he was going to face an enemy stronger than him or someone that could reveal to be exciting in the future.

This explanation sounded so strange and out of nowhere. Yet, from his tone and the look in his eyes, it was clear that Childe was not lying to you, or trying to deceive you. This made no sense, since you were just a basic person, but you decided to just put this on the fact that this is not reality and not everything would always make sense. Until now, you noticed nothing out of ordinary, at least for a world in Genshin, so it was the first time an item or character lacked of sense.

You froze for a moment, completely confused on what to do. Should you just forget what happened, act as if it was nothing more than a weird event in a crazy dream? Should you try to call the authorities, despite perfectly knowing that here, they can't do anything against the Fatui? There was no good option or one guaranteeing your satisfaction.

Even if you untie him and let him go, nothing was telling you that Childe would not come back soon. He could seven come back this same night if he wanted to.

An awful and horrible went through your mind was a short instant… a bloody option that you couldn't even dare to name. Were you already losing your mind? You had no idea how such a terrifying idea came to your mind so suddenly, and it scared you. There was no way that you could have really just imagined harming and possibly kill someone by yourself.

With a heavy and resigned sigh, you decide to let him go.

In the end, you concluded that what you choose to do would not matter, since if it was really a dream or hallucination, it could not impact you directly. Yet, something in the back of your mind was telling you that you were being careless, having already decided nothing here existed for real without any proof.

Maybe it was a way to protect yourself, by convincing yourself that it was not real. Or maybe a trick from your brain, a defense mechanism to keep you more or less sane. There were so many options but so little want to explore the darkest and mind-confusing possibilities. For now, it was better to consider this world has an imagination of your mind while your body rested.

Childe's eyes followed you as you walked closer to him, placing a knee at the end of the bed, so you could be steady while untying his ankles. The thin iron wire didn't tighten too much, so it wasn't too difficult to take it off, and the sharp metal didn't cut into Childe's skin when he tried to free himself the first time.

He seemed surprised by your choice, but not dissatisfied by it in any way. To make the process of untying him easier, he relaxed his body, so the wire wouldn't get stuck into his skin and make everything more painful. His two ankles were free of movement, but he didn't do move them, staying calm and motionless.

When you told him that the second he was free, he had to leave immediately, he frowned but didn't complain, just nodding silently. There was a little glint of mischief when he looked at you, and a strangely strong hint of embarrassment, but you ignored it.

Carefully, you moved to the middle of the bed, so you could be able to take off the wire about Childe's right wrist. This one was much more challenging than the ankles, as they were much tighter and had started to dig a little into his skin, small red droplets running down his arm to his elbow, before touching the sheets of the bed.

You had to be careful and meticulous to be able to get it off, but you managed to do it with minor damage after a few long minutes. Then, it was the time to do it for the other wrist. Unfortunately, with the bed being pushed against the wall, you couldn't just walk to the other side as you had to climb directly onto the bed.

You cussed under your breath when you understood what you needed to do, as you sighed and went on with it. Kneeling on the bed, you leaned forward to reach Childe's wrist while trying to maintain some distance. With this position, you could feel and see his body just under you perfectly, but you forced your eyes to stay focus on the task at hand, and not travel down.

Despite not doing anything to him, Childe let out a sudden gasp, the sound turned almost whiny at the end. You didn't think much of it, until it happened again after you moved to the right to get a better angle of view and see what you were doing with your hands exactly.

Frozen on the spot, you glanced down at him in confusion. Your eyes ran even lower, trying to see what could be bothering Childe this much. And they fell upon a surprising scene that you did not think about. While leaning more and more forward to reach the thin iron wire tightly wrapped around the man's wrist, you forgot a small detail… which was that if you keep moving upward, your knee that is holding you up will meet with Childe's body.

And that's how you find yourself in your current situation, with your hands on Childe's wrist, your body hovering over his as he's still tied up to the bed, and your knee pushing against his crotch. For a few minutes now, your knee has been rubbing against Childe's private area, which was now pretty awake as you could see his obvious boner.

The realization hits you, and you stop everything you were doing, freezing completely, you were almost reluctant to breathe at this point. Your chest was burning, but it was confusing if it was because of embarrassment or a kind of attraction for your current predicament.

Childe didn't look any better. His cheeks were a flaming red, highlighting his harmonious freckles, the way he got flustered but also turned on was so obvious. Out of anxiety, he wets his lips, looking at the thigh between his legs, still not moving from there, the pressure still presents against his bulge.

Seconds passed in a tense silence, both of you judging the situation and trying to understand what was going to happen next. You were both waiting for the other one to move, so you were stuck in this awkward but exciting situation. After all, the physical attraction was there, but it didn't mean that you were forgetting what happened before, and your guard was still up.

Though, you couldn't have expected Childe to react this way. Instead of moving away, or telling you to step back, he got even closer. The first motion was a light try, the second was more daring and bold, the third was filled with certitude and want.

Childe had started to roll his hips against your thigh, shamelessly grinding against your knee, small sounds escaping him when he rolled at a certain angle. All by himself, not waiting anymore for your reaction, he was getting himself off by using you. The fact that his wrist was still tied to the bed seemed to have flown out the window as he started to find the perfect pace.

Entertained by his movement that seemed more and more hypnotic, you watch in amazement as his pants tightened even more, his legs slightly shaking under the effort and in such an uncomfortable position. His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes narrowed as he was focusing, his lips pressed tightly together and body trembling. You didn't particularly want to admit it but… he looked good, crazily good.

His usual composure had started to break down, his control slipping away. You understood his patience was running thin when Childe sped up, and he was now desperately grinding onto your thigh, the front of his gray pants turning a slight shade darker. The whine he let out when he felt your muscles tense under him was exquisite, caressing your ear in the most perfect and sensual way.

His lips parted as he took a short breath in, small moans and quiet whines were pouring out of his mouth with less control than before, dancing and breaking the silence of the room, drowning out the loud beating of your heart.

He wasn't completely free of his restraints yet, and the wire around his left wrist keeps becoming tighter, cutting into his skin as more bloody droplets fell down. Yet, he seemed to like it, groaning when it becomes tighter, and he was trying to glare at you whenever you made a move to take it off. It wasn't really convincing in this situation, but you let it on anyway.

Childe picked up the pace, now humping your thigh in a desperate and messy way, his muscles tensing and his body shuddering in delight. Just like his pace, his sounds became more frequent and loud, resonating through the room in an agreeable manner, his sharp inhale of air and smaller noises creating the perfect harmony. Between his sounds of pleasures, whines and mewls, Childe seemed to reach a certain high. And in a gesture to keep himself grounded, his hand grabbed yours, needing any sort of contact right now, and especially with you. His grip tightened around you, almost crushing your bones in the process.

His hips that slid in a smooth motion started to flatter, the rhythm sped up, losing itself as Childe grew close, closer to this intense pleasure. He didn't beg for it, but just took what he wanted without asking, he was demanding, and you were supposed to give.

Yet, just before Childe could experience his orgasm, you moved away. It ended quickly, one instant Childe could feel it coming inside his gut, and the next, you had stepped off the bed and the sensation disappeared with you. Too out of it, he didn't realize immediately what happened, as his body was still chasing after a sensation he couldn't feel by himself, and he humped the air pathetically much to your amazement.

The pitiful sound he lets out when he realized that you moved away and off the bed went straight down to your cock, and the imprint on your pants only managed to torment Childe even further. When his body motions came to a stop, he was quick to get on his knees and move towards you and touch you… if it was not for the iron wire around his wrist. The same one that he refused you to take off, was now something he desperately wanted out of his way.

Childe tried to use sheer strength to get rid of it, but the way the wire was turned onto itself and around the pale skin made it impossible. The only result would be to end up cutting through his skin, and he wasn't thinking well enough to try taking it off with his free hand. Though, nothing was guaranteeing that he would succeed this way. Immobilized and weak in the knees, his legs having fallen asleep from laying in the same position for so long, he wasn't able to move as well as he wished to.

In front of such a view, you couldn't hide the smirk growing onto your face, the satisfaction of getting some kind of answer, finally. The desperation of Childe was much deeper than you expected or could ever think of, the fear subduing, almost completely disappearing to give some space to a more sadistic and uncaring part of yourself.

To say Childe was looking pitiful was an understatement. The strong Harbinger had his face flushed in a beautiful rosy pink, his thin lips getting plumper after each bite of his own teeth digging into the soft skin. Your eyes were dancing between the view of those glossy eyes, eyelashes wet and clumping together, his bottom lash line threatening to let the tears run down freely onto his freckles-covered cheeks.

Your eyes danced lower, admiring the way his body flexed, his muscles trembling under the sharp observation and the need to have his thirst quenched. Under the gray jacket, you can see his abdominal clenching, muscles tightening in an attempt to keep his body from giving up. His scarf fall on the floor as he tries to free himself once again, and your gaze land on his belt and his pants. The gray fabric seems expensive, and as you examine his legs slightly shaking from the effort of maintaining his current position, you notice the dark spot on the front of his pants.

The fabric was stained at an obvious location, the spot growing slowly darker and larger, the spot expanding as time passed. You were amused by Chides apparent arousal, as evidenced by his twitching cock inside his pants, the tight cloth not able to conceal the visible bulge.

With a mocking tone, you speak once again, your voice sounding more confident and meaner than before, as you weren't feeling intimidated by Childe's behavior and aura anymore.

"So… That's what you came for.

You wanted to get fucked."

Those words made Childe freeze, his eyes widening as he tried to deny your claim, and he knew perfectly well that you weren't completely wrong. Coughing from the shock, he shakes his head, and start to babble something inaudible, his words melting together in an incoherent speech. His explanation was messy, he couldn't find his words, and he was getting more flustered as the seconds passed.

Your amused grin widening at the display, he sounded like he was going to give up on the lies soon, and just admit for what he really came here for, following you like a creep. His ears and neck were flushed in a rosy pink, but when he looked up, the look in his eyes was sharp, unashamed. As politely as he could, he asked you to untie his hand, promising that he won't run away or try to do you any harm.

The request made you raise your eyebrow, not trusting him in the slightest despite his lack of aggressiveness. After some seconds of tense silence, you sighed and ended up agreeing. Either way, you were planning to free him earlier before he started his little show, so it would be stupid and illogical to deny his request now. You kneeled over the bed again, trying to not touch him this time, as you managed to untie the wire without much trouble or pain.

Standing up from the bed and away from Childe, you expected him to leave immediately after the embarrassing view he gave you. Instead, with his legs still shaking a little, he moved to the edge of the bed where you were seated previously and raised onto his knees. Before you could be too far, he grabbed your shoulders with a strong grip, his strength not surpassing yours but still strong enough to have an impact. He wrapped his arms around your neck, forcing you to stay close and within reach of his body.

This position was really unstable, both for him as his knees were maintaining his entire balance and you, because of his arms dragging you down to let his arms find a comfortable position, the height difference being obvious. Without thinking, your hands were placed on his waist, keeping the both of you stable and in a position that wasn't breaking your back.

This action made Childe chuckle, the surprisingly sweet and deep sound fell directly onto your ear as his head was resting near your shoulder. The fact that you stabilized him and didn't let him fall alone by moving back made Childe feel satisfied and more confident in what he was doing. His hands wander down your neck to your back, resting on your shoulder blades before following the hollow along the spine.

The smirk on his face widen, eyes running along your silhouette in a hasty manner, as if it was going to end in an instant. Something has grabbed his attention since he woke up, despite the situation he was in, it caught his eyes almost instantly. He couldn't help but question himself on why you seem so distant, not towards him, but towards everything. It was as if you were considering everything around you, items and people, as nonexistent, a kind of hallucination you couldn't get rid of.

Something was weird about you, and it was oddly attractive. There was something about you that Childe could not ignore, his mind telling him that you were someone important in one way or another. It was captivating this unusual aura about you that he never felt before. In a way, it was similar to the feeling he had when he met Aether, but here, it was much stronger to the point it was suffocating him.

Childe knew that he had to stay close, watch the events unfold. And if on the way, he ends up getting a bit more attached than he should, he didn't really mind. After following you around for the entire day, he found out that staying away from you for too long only made his mind go into a state of alert. He continued to trail you, each of your expression seeming strange to him, the way you talked to people or looked at them, the way you seemed so lost.

Noticing that he was getting lost in his thoughts, he shakes his head and focus on the person in front of him again. You had the same weird look on your face again, and it was annoying him. He needed. he wanted you to look at him with emotions, feelings, the same look of recognition when your eyes met for the first time.

He seemed to himself, observing you, bathing in the feelings of fabrics and skin under his fingertips. Jolts of electricity running through his hands at each contact, a sensation of power coursing through his veins, it was exhilarating. Childe could even feel his vision activating, and it was so different from usually, as his entire body could feel the element running inside it, his delusion lightening up too.

It took him a few long seconds to get used to the sensation before regaining his composure. With a controlled voice, Childe finally decided to answer your question, each of his words being completely honest and true. He was aware that there was no point in lying now, as it would only make you more on guard and tensed around him.

"I was curious."

Childe's sharp eyes were dissecting your entire being, seeming to read your mind as his voice showed how much confidence and control he had. He felt like you were standing on equal footing, and the discussion could only go forward to an ending he would enjoy.

"I felt something when we met at the border of Liyue.

I needed to make sure I wasn't imagining things, so I followed you.

And I also can't get you out of my mind, so I have no remorse."

Childe's sudden sincerity took you by surprise. Both this and the way his hands grazed over your body as if you were a masterpiece send a strange feeling to your core. His fingertips delicately stroked the small scars you acquired from fighting with the hilichurls.

At first, it was just curiosity, Childe looking and observing you as if you were someone completely different. And to be honest, you were staring at him the same way, so you couldn't really complain or argue about it, even though the fact that he was touching you was weird. It only made you question even more what was happening to you and where you were exactly, if you got everything wrong since the start.

His touches grow more slow, sensual. Childe was exploring your body over the fabric of your clothes, now making it clear that he had something else in mind, his grin turning into a smirk. The sensations he was experiencing made him unable to stop his hands from wandering, a hushed whimper leaving his mouth as the size difference became much more obvious. The size of his hand letting him compare how much longer or larger some of your body parts were next to his.

A warm smile appeared on his face, a look of satisfaction and newfound thirst. If he didn't want to do anything sexual with you, now he definitely wanted to. His body did not relax since the pleasure he experienced earlier, and Childe would not be against having some fun with you, now that he was here and has been found sneaking around. The only thing he has to do, was to tempt you and make you give in.

Childe may be with the Fatui and a so-called villain by many people, he was not going to start anything without your consent, now that his mind was out of the gutter. Thankfully for him, he noticed that his attention and the motion of his hands weren't leaving you unresponsive. Your eyes held a flame that was threatening to consume him wholly, and he would not complain in the slightest, especially not when your presence made his body feel regenerated and so powerful.

The temptation was strong, you had no real reason to push Childe away, and your mind or heart was telling you to stay, to accept the wordless offer. You could see Childe's grin widen as your resolve started to crumble, your body relaxing and his hands dancing down your back to slide under your shirt, enjoying the skin-to-skin contact.

Something inside of you was urging you to stop thinking, ignore all the possibilities and worst outcomes, and just sink into this distorted and fake reality. The want to ravish him grows stronger, mental restraints breaking one after the other, and you wanted to give in just once. This kind of realistic dream doesn't happen every night, and the want to just go with the flow was more tempting than any other of your logical thinking.

It's as if your brain has completely shut down, with no thoughts managing to stay long enough to be processed. All your worries melted away like snow in the sun, any warnings your mind tried to give you were erased, and any rules you tried to respect to protect yourself and your mental health were broken in an instant. Only the indecent part of yourself and your imagination was functioning at its full capacity, crushing anything that remained.

The atmosphere had a sudden switch, from an awkward and tense sensation to the room feeling hotter, the air is more heavy and hot as it enters your lungs. It was hard to swallow or to look away from the man in front of you, and it was just as impossible for him to not stare and take in the pleasant tension.

Childe felt it just as much as you, his body tense up under the way you stare at him. His knees pushed onto the mattress, his arm holding onto you strongly, testing the fabric of your shirt. Your grip on his waist tightened, his pale skin bruising under the strength, his soft yet scarred skin melted between your fingers. His body is so cold compared to yours, it felt like ice under your fingertips, and a slight touch from a warmer body could turn him to liquid.

The control of the situation is slipping through his fingers, the pressure, and tension making his heart race. He already what is going to happen, he's going to get devoured and there's no way Childe will be able to fight back. And he definitely did not want to fight back, he is ready to endure it with all his body and soul.

Your hands moved lower, caressing his lower back, moving onto his hips, and then, grabbing his thighs. He was firmly holding onto you, even when he felt himself being hoisted up, his knees not touching the mattress anymore, his legs dangling in the air for some seconds.

His back landed on the bed, bouncing once and plopping down without moving anymore, slightly confused by what just happened. Being manhandled easily like a rag doll made his cheeks flush, as he was far from used to anyone even daring to do this, but Childe was not against something new. Laying limp on the soft sheets, he gives up on the control of the situation, and he started to truly enjoy it.

Not even a kiss was exchanged, nothing of that sort was happening. The urgency and the need were speaking, far more loudly than anything else. Hands were quick, hips raising to facilitate every move, Childe was quickly left in his underwear. His clothes were discarded and sent flying inside the room in an unknown direction, it was a mess. Everything happened in a blink of an eye, first falling on his back, fully clothed and slightly excited, to a second instant, almost fully naked and put on all fours.

Your hands followed the slight arch of his back, moving gently to the side to take in every curve and wound, feeling every small and bigger ones that hadn't healed yet. Childe's body was a battlefield, not a spot has been left untouched, whether it was a bullet, a wound from an arrow, a sword, or skin burned by surely a pyro vision holder. Gently, you caress them with your fingertips, more by curiosity than any worry or care for him, but you still remain careful about them.

At each contact of your warmer skin against his, Childe could feel his heart skip a beat, the air seeming to get stuck in his throat. With trembling hands, they get lost on your upper back, his body enjoying more than enough of the simple sensation of your somewhat calm touch. Your contact with him was purely physical, trying to quench a thirst, but Childe couldn't help but have the necessity of feeling your lips pressing against his own.

When you lean closer, your breath hit his neck, and his heart went into overdrive, thinking you might kiss him. Yet it's your teeth that greeted him, digging into his skin, pulling and biting until the area was sore. It was so frustrating but understandable at the same time, there was nothing between the two of you, except your curiosity and need, and Childe's weird pull of his heart and mind when it comes to you.

His arms shook at the sensation of your hand wrapped around his wrists, moving them upward, only to put them over his head and push them into the mattress. Your intentions were clear as you grabbed the remaining of iron wire, put his hand behind his back, and blindly tied his wrist together. The slender but mentally heavy restrain felt somewhat reassuring and agreeable to Childe, despite how it painfully forced his shoulder backward and pulled on his forearms.

In such a position, Childe could not hold his body up correctly without damaging his back or shoulders, and his core tightened as much as possible to remain still even without his arms supporting his weight. It didn't last long as he admitted defeat and let himself fall forward, his head into the pillow, his ass pushed up and grazing against your crotch.

Your fingers danced over his skin, moving up into they were lost in his hair, pushing his head down into the pillow. The sudden and strong tug at his scalp made Childe moan, the sound ripping out of his throat as he gasped, the pillow swallowing his noises. It was hard to breathe properly. You kept him there, still caressing his skin with your other hand, and when you feel him shake more, you yank him back up. From his expression and opened mouth allowing small groans out, Childe was enjoying himself, the lack of air only making him harder within his underwear.

Heavy and deep inhales could be heard, before he was pushed down once again. His body would tense and relax without control, a slight whine thanking you when your fingers played with the locks of lighter color, running through his hair and massaging his scalp. In an instant, the tension left his body, as his mind relaxed and his eyelids grow heavier, Childe was completely at your mercy physically and psychologically.

The bed dipped as your knees went on either side of his hips, looming over him in a menacing yet delicious manner. Your shadow was swallowing Childe wholly, giving him the unfamiliar feeling of being powerless, it was thrilling to the point he doubted his heart wasn't going to stop beating suddenly.

Still holding onto his hair, you thought it was time to move on to something much more interesting and entertaining as you grow impatient. You dig your nails into his skin, leaving red marks as your hand rushes down, ignoring the pain it could give him as they racked over recent scars and wounds. The light burn sends spikes of pleasure to Childe, a whine of pain and delight passing through his teeth when your nail caught onto a crust formed over a wound.

The roughness of your touch was welcomed warmly, his hips pushing back against yours, pleading that you speed up the pace. Childe's teeth stabbed into the pillow when you reached his lower back, now creating a path of red pulsing marks on his sides, hips, and finally, thighs. Massaging the soft flesh, you went up to his ass, kneading it until you reached the waist bad.

You waited for Childe to move his hips again or say a word before tugging it down, having to push his hips down flat onto the bed, so you were able to correctly take it off. Left helpless and exposed, Childe did not feel embarrassed in the slightest, it was not the first time it happened, and even though the roles were reversed, it was nothing he was against. He let you guide his body, grabbing his legs to lift him up further up the bed and give you more space to work with.

Your large hands fully held onto his thighs, using the position to spread his legs apart to gain access. The cold air of the room hit him suddenly, and his legs closed around your hands suddenly, only for Childe to pry them open again by himself, allowing the tight grip you had onto them. You watched with amusement as his hole clenched around nothing, legs shaking painfully as he held them apart as much as he could, exposing his twitching cock. Precum was staining the sheets, forming a small but visible puddle.

"Are you that excited? You're leaking."

Those words were more teasing than anything else, and it made Childe whine, loving how embarrassing it should be for him, your laughter reached his ears as it filled the room, making his cheeks turn crimson. Frustrated that you couldn't see his face correctly, you moved him into his back once again, his heels digging onto the mattress to keep his legs apart just for you.

His hands were still tightly tied behind his back, but he was not complaining about it yet, especially not when you placed the palm of your hand on his tip. At the simple but powerful touch, his hips jerked upward, his body trembling as you started to make small circles, the tip rubbing onto the center of your palm. His thighs shook as he had to hold himself up as his hips were in the air, not shying away from the pleasure he has been waiting for.

You completely loomed over him, your lips meeting his neck once again as you suck and bite on the soft flesh, slowly moving down without stopping the movement of your hand. Your face reached his spread legs, mouthing at his inner thigh before creating bleeding purple and red spots, a thin layer of sweat and saliva mixing together. The mark of your teeth decorated his pale skin perfectly.

The nails of your free hand grazed over his other thigh, moving to the inner part of them before going toward the spot Childe wanted the most to be touched right now.

Your fingertip teased his entrance, but you didn't start to do anything yet, only testing the waters. Your answer was simple dissatisfied words from him, his tone not too cocky, but still showing some confidence and impatience. Chuckling, your head dipped down, blowing air on his sensitive tip when you took your hand off it. A shocked gasp left him, and he slightly raised his leg, hitting your hips with his heel, getting annoyed and seriously in need of some real action.

Patting his leg, you forced it down again to not receive another hit, that was definitely strong, but not as painful as you expected. With a tight and painful grip, you held his hips down, flushed onto the bed, and you hoped he will stay in place as you went down on him. You run your tongue over his inner thigh to his hole, making Childe mewl and his hands onto the sheets tightly, legs almost kicking out as his hips bucked up violently.

He gasped, asking you to untie him, and after receiving another hit, you did. You hum at the soft pain coming from your scalp as his hands onto your hair, nails racking onto your skin, holding on for dear life. It surprised you when one of his hands went down to take one of yours, intertwining your fingers before getting lost in the sensation of your mouth again. You did not make a move to get his hand off, and just held onto it while the other was pinning his hips down as much as you could, his lower body rolling against your face to get more pleasure.

Without anything similar to lube on you or around you, you could only do this to at least try to ease the pain of the next step. To ease him, you gently caress the top of his hand with your thumb, trying not to overwhelm him, but he seemed quite lost in the sensation already.

Childe was painfully hard, ecstasy overriding any other emotion, clenching at each drag of your tongue. His mind was becoming blank as he felt your tongue leave, only for it to slide inside again without warning, preparing him for something he did not even see yet. The fact that you were still fully clothed annoyed him, but he forgot it instantly at the sound of spitting, as you shamelessly spat on his hole to make everything easier. His body lurched forward, hips higher both in a request to speed up and give him your tongue again.

It was a delicious mess, Childe clenching around your tongue like his life depends on it, giving you the impression that he could cut it off if he really tightened too much. The feeling of dirtiness by the way your spit trailed down his ass is washed away by the stimulation and excitement you inflict on him. You were so damn loud, eating him out like you were starving, but none of you were complaining, Childe writhing under you, legs shaking as his heels dig into the mattress.

His breaking point was coming nearer and nearer, so you halted before anything could happen, everything coming to a sudden stop. You pulled away from him, gasping for air in heavy breaths, removing the saliva that was on your chin with two fingers. Only to wipe it off on Childe's cheek was greedily accepted it, the slight humiliation only turning on further.

He froze when he feels your fingertip pushing against his entrance. Childe waited, patiently with his right leg slightly bouncing from the excitement. Seconds passed slowly, he isn't desperate yet but he was close to, the tantalizing wait made his insides twist and clench, confused about why you weren't doing anything or moving anymore. His voice comes out shaky and high as he tells you to quit teasing him and start preparing him correctly.

Immediately, your phalange enters him, sliding in without any resistance because of how wet and waiting he was for it, the saliva definitely being a huge help. You were taking your time, doing it correctly, and it was frustrating Childe, especially when he could see the bulge through your pants, and the way you grind your hips onto the sheets as a manner to contain yourself in the meantime.

Childe whined openly when he felt the drag of your first finger inside him it sends tingles down his spine. Shaking, he grabbed a pillow to shove it against his face, concealing his noises as his back arched off the bed, his legs kicked open, and his hips undulated prettily under you. He chocked on a moan as he felt another finger go inside, your nails scrapping his sensitive walls so pleasantly his whole body shook, a groan forcing its way out of his throat when your fingertips grazed over his prostate as they scissored him open.

For the first time in a really long while, tears escaped Childe's eyes, the pleasure spiking through his body up to his soul to the point he couldn't talk anymore. The tears were stagnating at the corner of his eyes, none of you knowing if it was out of desperation or pleasure, but they were definitely there. Childe let go of the pillow only to tap your arm, having difficulties looking at you with how his tears blurred his vision.

When he felt your fingers stop completely, it was as if his world fell apart, desperately clenching around you to keep you inside. He looked at you with teary eyes, trying to understand what you were doing, holding back a whine of annoyance. With a small and innocent smile, as your third finger went in, you told him to move by himself. His eyes widened, but no complaints were heard as he went to work, throwing his hips back onto your hand forcefully while trying to keep eye contact with you.

He was doing his best, rolling his hips and moving as well as he could despite the awkward position. Your praises and encouragements only fuel his ego and want to show how good he could do, fucking himself open on your fingers impatiently, getting ready for something else. The current predicament made your hand itch to try something, and without thinking much, you raised it before slamming it back down on his thigh. The loud smacking sound was cut off by the loudest moan you heard of the night, Childe's body jerking forward at the impact. A few pitiful droplets of cum fell from his tip.

The hand holding his hips moved to his cock, using your thumb to play with his tip, rubbing it gently to add another stimulation on top of the current one. Your thumb along with the dragging of your fingers in and out of him was blissful, his body almost giving up as the pleasure took over in the most delightful way. His eyes stayed fixated on you as you stared at each other's eyes, captivated and heart beating loudly inside your chests.

Childe was nowhere near silent, openly and shamelessly showing how good and high he was feeling, mixing with the wet sounds in perfect harmony. You curled your fingers towards his prostate, hearing him cry out as more cum covered your thumb, pleading for you to do that again, his eyelids fluttering shut, and his eyebrow furrowed to focus on the unique sensation he perceived. Something emerged from inside him, his vision on the ground lighting up and illuminating the ceiling, but you did not notice.

You were too amazed by the way his back arched towards you, muscles rolling under the skin in a beautiful dance, his body shivering and twisting to escape and get closer to this pleasure at the same time. Small whines blended with sniffles reached your ears, his hips coming to a stop as he tried to catch his breath, his lungs burning and struggling to get any air inside.

Seeing him at your mercy made your heart skip a beat, the sight made you even more excited, and the urge to ruin him became overbearing. Despite his breathless and dizzy state, you added another finger inside of him, reaching four at the same time, only partially caring for his current state as you tried to be as gentle as possible about it.

Childe was feeling so sensitive, and the fact that he never orgasmed once was driving him slowly insane. He tried to protest, but the first phalanges of your fingers were slammed inside at a fast pace, the rest of them quickly joining too. Each drag pushed his head higher in the sky, his eyes closing as his mouth open to let out moans.

Roughly, you yanked his head back by the hair to expose his crying face and neck to you. Your teeth grazed the soft flesh, delicately biting into it as his hands were clasped on your nape, bringing you closer. Each drag and hit of his prostate was bringing him closer to his first orgasm of the night, his body yearning for it with all its might, needing to relieve the tension that is eating him alive.

The feeling inside Childe's core was growing rapidly, his abs tightening and his ass clenching strongly around your fingers. The residual alcohol in your systems was still exerting its effects on your bodies, resulting in an increase in his sensitivity, the sensation intensifying as he approached the oh-so-expected end. You could see Childe losing his mind as he was getting light-headed, his mind becoming blank, and he couldn't process anything anymore. Under his breath, cut off by moans and intelligible whines, he pleaded.

"… Just a bit more.

I need just a bit more…"

Smiling, you started to gently kiss his jaw, moving closer as your warmth engulfed him, bathing in the beautiful sight and soft pleasure of seeing him lose himself, you licked off the tears rolling down his freckles-kissed cheeks. The somewhat unfamiliar tender gesture distracted him and made Childe's heart stop beating for an instant, his hands cupping your jaw, tempted to kiss you but something was holding him back.

Opening his mouth, he cried out suddenly, unintelligible words coming out and were instantly cut by broken moans and whines. His head slammed back, his body tensing as Childe felt like he was overheating, the feeling of your long and thick fingers loosening him up but especially rubbing against his walls at an irregular pace. His entire body felt the wave crashing onto him, but something felt wrong.

Whimpering a plea, he was coming, but nothing came out of his body, leaving him shaking and disconcerted. He knew for a fact that this familiar sensation was one of an orgasm coming, but his release didn't happen, and he was throbbing in half-pain and pleasure. Tears continued to stain his cheeks with fresh new tears, wetting the pillow under his head.

Despite trying to say a word, no words flew past his lips, but you still sensed and understood his dissatisfaction and confusion about what just happened. Childe definitely never experienced a dry orgasm, and not in this kind of context even less. You gently took hold of his jaw, kissing the side of his neck, and helped him up, so he could get on his knees, his back turned to you. His body flushed against your torso, and he turned his head to nuzzle into your neck. The warmth from your body is comforting and relaxing, Childe is completely melting against you and letting you finish preparing him while trying to ignore the ache in his lower body.

Feeling like it was enough, you stopped moving your hand slowly separating yourself from Childe. Your lack of condom was immediately waved off by Childe who didn't care about that in the slightest at this moment, and instead grabbed your neck to make sure you would stay close to him when he felt your knees shift. Childe looked at you through wet lashes, his lips parting slightly, warm breath hitting your face as he wanted so badly to kiss you right now.

You sighed, running your fingers through his silky hair, nuzzling calmly into his neck, mouthing at the scarred skin while avoiding his lips, sensing that kissing him would cross a line. Before taking the next step, you wanted Childe to calm down a bit, his body as tense as a bowstring. Your hand danced over his body, rubbing his stomach with your palm, making small circles before moving to the middle of his chest to apply some pressure.

The rush you were in temporarily stopped, giving you some time to calm down and breathe properly while putting your mind away from the trembling happening on your lower body, hips moving in the air softly. It was also the time to make sure everything was still consensual, even though you had no doubt about it, you felt weird to just go into it without sharing a word.

You gently nuzzled your face in between his shoulder blades, licking the skin before biting down harshly, moaning as you break the skin, blood sliding into your mouth and down his back. The abrupt pain sends an exquisite sensation through Childe's entire body, his hands shaking as a quiet whine and hushed breath became soft moans, his face showing openly how much he was enjoying the pain and the slow agonizing pace that took place.

No doubt was left in your mind when you saw his face, noticing how dilated his pupils were, his eyes slowly starting to roll back in ecstasy. Drool gathered at the corner of his mouth, his cheeks permanently flushed in a red hue, and drying tears coating his skin, Childe looked beautiful and high. The few bites littering his skin completed the artwork the scars created, the droplets of blood turning into mind blowing pleasure for him and an artistic urge for you.

Now, you were definitely and wholly aching to be inside of him, relieve yourself from this constant need and desire pooling at the bottom of your stomach. Your grip keeping him on his knees loosened, and you carefully pushed him down, Childe slightly flopped down on the bed uselessly when your warmth wasn't engulfing him anymore. He remained still, waiting for the next actions you would take, but still throw a curious glance your way, wondering if he should turn on his back or stay still on his stomach.

As you step down from the bed, Childe turned on his back, resting on his forearms to watch what you were doing. You wasted no time discarding all your clothes, struggling for a few seconds to take off the unfamiliar clothes you were wearing, exposing your upper body first. A small sound was heard, Childe stayed still, watching with hawk eyes everything about you, drinking in every detail like a starving man, his cock becoming harder at the sight of the improvised strip tease.

Closing his legs tightly, Childe shamelessly rubbed his thighs together, now understanding why it took you so long to prepare him and why you used so many fingers. Since you were bigger than most people he met, he had no doubt every aspect of your body was similar in size, but it was slightly exceeding his expectations, in the greatest way possible. If he wasn't turned on before, he definitely was now, and his body begged silently to feel the body of the man stripping down in front of him.

Undoing your pants, you slide the soft fabric down your legs, kicking them away without much care about them. Your underwear followed suit, finally revealing the important part that Childe wanted to see, and he paused for a second at the sight. He blinked wordlessly at the sound of your cock hitting your stomach, a few droplets of precum tainting your skin in the prettiest way. Without any lube, you ended up spitting in your hand, stroking yourself and Childe observed every little movement, the way your wrist spun, your tip turning a slightly darker shade and a vein twitching to life.

Chile stayed still on the spot, his forearms getting enveloped by the mattress, his hole clenching around nothing, the feeling of being far too empty hit him. The sensation of saliva dripping out of him and the way you touched yourself just in front of him wasn't helping, and he practically jumped on his knees when you stepped toward the bed again.

Sitting on the bed at first, you kneeled on it, patting your thigh to call him over. Childe obeyed immediately, jolting forward and somewhat crawling toward you, his hands grabbing onto your thighs at first, kneading the flesh. His hands run over your body, teasingly grazing your cock with his fingertips before touching your stomach, going over to your side, toward your pectoral to end on your shoulders. His lips went closer to your face but didn't try to kiss you, only nibbling onto your jaw instead, teeth grazing your skin, pulling on it, and marking it.

Meanwhile, your hands moved to the back of his thighs, grabbing onto them to lift him up easily, closer to you and your torso flushed together, the warm skin heating up the freezing cold one. His weight wasn't a problem in the slightest, the difference in size making every move much simpler, his weight agreeably resting over your lap. You spread your legs a bit to find a good position, the way your breath fawned over Childe's neck was exhilarating for him, giving him shivers.

As you hold him up just over your cock, your tip pressing against his rim, Childe felt the excitement take over his body as the awaited moment was finally there after such a long and agonizing wait. Despite wanting nothing less than to drop him and bottom out completely, you still kept him up, asking to make sure everything was alright before you could do anything else.

His nails racked down your neck to your back, glaring at you when you asked that question as he wiggled his hips, making his impatience clear. You took it as a positive answer and readjusted your grip on his thighs, holding his legs apart as you lowered him slowly. To help you, Childe held your cock and placed the tip at his entrance while you lowered him, as there was no way it could slide in correctly without any help in this position.

As you forced him down slowly, you felt your breath be stolen away by the way he clenched around you so tightly, your hands shook on his thighs as you tried to focus on what you were doing. Childe gasped for air, nails digging into your scalp, heavy breath fawning over your neck as he hides his face in the junction of your neck and shoulder. He unconsciously tightened down like crazy around you, your grip loosening for an instant, but you caught him before he could fall on your cock in one go.

Childe was feeling loopy and high, the sweet pain of the stretch coursing through his body like a syrupy poison, he never thought he could have ever taken that size if you didn't stretch him out. His legs are shaking, he tried to move them to stay in a squatting position, but he was unable to think enough to try. He was already struggling too much to just get used to the overwhelming feeling to even try moving any muscles of his body, especially when he started to feel a strange sensation in his lower body, a small bulge appearing at the bottom.

You were definitely not bottoming out yet, but it was enough to send Childe's mind into overdrive. The sight made his hole clamp down around you, and your hands let go of him, and with gravity, he found himself sitting completely in your lap. Your cock was completely inside, swallowed by tight and pulsing insides, the lower part of his thighs slammed against yours, his mind shutting down as it happened, his poor brain unable to catch up with the sudden fullness.

Childe stayed frozen on the spot, his legs shaking from the spam of his muscles, his hands grasping at your shoulders to have something to keep himself sane.

You let out a heavy sigh turning into a soft moan, your hands trembling as they grabbed at the plush of his hips, getting used to the feeling of such tightness. With how things were going, there was no way you could last long, especially if Childe didn't manage to calm down and stop clamping down around you as if he wanted to cut your cock in two. Your sensitivity reached the highest point, leaving you breathless and shocked, the pleasure shooting through your core and into your veins, your body almost vibrating from the unfamiliar yet addicting sensation.

You both remained in this position for a few minutes, his hole squeezing and trying to suck you in even deeper, much to your delight and dismay. Childe's body is greedy, yearning for more, for you to move even if he isn't adjusted to your size yet, it didn't matter if it could be painful, he was going to love it anyway. His mind isn't functioning properly, unable to comprehend anything fully as he subconsciously grinds slowly to get used to the feeling. A whine escape him, his tongue lolling out as he drooled onto your body, too stupid and full to close his mouth.

A few tears run down his cheeks, making you fear that you hurt him, but from the way his body shook and cum squirted onto your stomach, Childe got an orgasm just from the sensation of your cock crushing his prostate. His head tilted back to take a large gulp of air, he blinked slowly, trying to come back to reality.

"Look at me."

It took him a few seconds to process your words before obeying, his head slowly raising until he was facing you, barely a few centimeters separating your faces. His breath hit your lips, his eyes glossy from the pleasure, the look in his eyes was absolutely breathtaking, giving you chills. They were far from dull and empty, their color and emotions were sucking you in until you won't have anything to give anymore. You were in awe, but also surprised by how fucked out of his mind he looked, despite only starting.

You smiled in amusement, one of your hands caressing his cheek and jaw before moving to his thighs, both hands grabbing the flesh before using your strength to move him up. In a whisper, you gave him your name after realizing that you never did. You murmur lowly in his ear, describing how tight and good he feels around you, how hard you could fuck him right now, and his cock throbbed back to life against his stomach.

With a delirious groan, you begin to move him up and down harshly, his hole clenches around you when only your tip remains inside him, and you are rewarded by a loud moan when you slam his hips back down, his body sucking you in greedily. Childe whines your name at first, before moaning and groaning it loudly, getting louder after each thrust, babbling to you and pleading for more. As he throws his arms over your shoulders, he moves his hips to help you move, raising his body as high as he could before letting down to fall down as harshly as he could.

More gasps of pleasure fill the room, his head thrown back as his eyelids flutter, but he tries to keep his eyes open, only for them to roll back when you accidentally hit his prostate dead on. A sob leaves his mouth, his lips twitching upwards as he jerks forward, kissing the corner of your lips, mouth at your jaw, bite at your neck to silence himself. He whispers words of encouragement into your ear, telling you to go harder, to spank him, hit him, choke him until you're satisfied.

With both your hands on his hips to move him up and down, make him grind down on you, you couldn't wrap your hand around his pretty neck even if you wanted to so badly.

For a moment, you thought he came as his hole tightened around you, spamming and trying to make you cum inside him. You watched as he only some pitiful small drops of cum roll down his cock, and without a second thought, you let go of his hips, uncaring if you bottom out once again as your hand slapped his ass. You mock him for having a dry orgasm before and now not even being able to cum, and you get rewarded with a loud moan and a plea for more, Childe's face becoming redder and his freckles stood out on his burning cheeks, the wetness of his tears and sweat making look ethereal.

Moving by himself, using his feet to push onto the bed, you caressed his body, scratching him and slapping him, watching in adoration as his cock jumped up a little every time and his knees buckled up. You slowly learned how and where to touch him, what part of his body could drive him insane in an instant. Observing him like a hawk, you drink in the sight of such a powerful man being reduced to nothing but a crying and fucked out man on a simple cock. His babbling is cut off by a loud moan when you pressed onto one of his recent scars, more cum coming out when you slap his cock or how tight he becomes when you hit his prostate or graze it gently.

Getting frustrated by how slow the pace is, you lift Childe up, ignoring his complaints and glare as you push him onto the bed, on all fours. He barely had the time to place his forearms down before you slam back into him, your grip bruising his hips as you go as hard as you can. Your hand sneaks to his throat, forcing his head back before tightening your fingers around it, your palm pressing against the front as Childe chokes. He moans in delight, pushing his hips back to meet your thrusts, his head going forward just so you can yank him back again.

His back flushed against your torso, the back of his head resting on your shoulders as you fuck him open, leaving him gaping whenever you pull out too much. He doesn't even have the time to complain before you use your hand to push yourself back in, your fingers digging into the side of his throat when he tries to talk or say anything. Childe is suffocating, suffering, his air flow is completely cut by your fingers, but has such a big smile on his face as his tongue wet his lips in delight.

His hips jerked up as you pressed your other hand onto his cock, rubbing it alongside your thrust. The pain and incredible stimulation make him cum on the spot, but you never stop moving, not caring about how long it takes him before being able to be hard and cum again. You ignore his whines as he tries to say something, his tip turning a deeper shade of red under the stimulation of your hand, your palm rubbing in circles like before on his tip.

You're still nice enough to let go when he starts to cry and cup his balls instead, gently massaging them. As your grip on his neck lessens, Childe thanks you over and over, telling you to be meaner and go harder on him, to not hold back. He even begs for you to slap him if he gets too loud which you do immediately, and he groans in delight, speaking even more so you could slap him again.

You slide a knee between his legs to force them apart a bit wider, speeding up your pace to bring yourself to this orgasm that has been growing inside you for such long minutes now. Your hand stays on Childe's neck, not tightening your hold for fear he would pass out, Childe's whimpers filling your ears like a melody, and you can't think anymore, only your instincts speaking.

Childe's throat is too dry to scream or moan anymore, but it doesn't stop him from whining your name, begging for you to cum in him. He could feel you move, the way your heavy cock dragged inside him, your tip grazing his prostrate every time, or this vein slightly pulsating, Childe was getting hyperaware of everything. Each of your touch was felt, affecting his mind, the pressure applied on his throat, your stomach clenching against his back, the trembling muscles of your arms, your legs shaking as you grow closer to your peak.

Each thrust goes as deep as it can, forcing his insides to accept your cock deeper, offering himself to your insatiable need. His stomach was exposed to your eyes, and you rested your chin on his shoulder, observing in fascination as you were able to perceive the movement of your cock, the small bump was even more noticeable than before. You grab Childe's hand and push it onto his stomach, letting him feel the way he's so tight around you, and it makes his eyes roll back. He was a whimpered mess, his body shaking in your hold, his weight fully resting on you.

Your stomach burns up as you feel closer, you try to keep edging yourself a bit more, dragging on the pleasure that you're feeling, as you didn't want everything around you to disappear yet. The addictive feeling of his body was getting to your head, making you dizzy, feeling high, and on the verge of falling into an endless pit.

Muscles roll under your skin as you chase after your release, using your last strength in your legs and hips to keep moving, grinding down onto him, not even able to pull out anymore. Between gasps and groans, you try to ask him if you can cum inside, and his only answer is your name and his hole clamping down around you so tightly that you can't pull out at all. Childe babbles, his cries and plea are impossible to be understood as his words get mixed together, he's completely overstimulated and losing his mind.

Your thrusts are harsh and deep, repetitive movements made without any thoughts behind them, just an overbearing need taking over and making sure you can reach your orgasm. You rail him, holding onto his forearms for leverage, his head slamming back onto your shoulder as his body trembled, the tension in his core getting to the breaking point.

At the same instant, something breaks inside you, and your own stomach tightens, abs burning as you flush your hips against his ass and cum inside him. You whimper his name, thankfully Childe was too fucked out to notice as you say his name over and over like a mantra, hips jerking a bit as you release inside him. Euphoria flows through your veins, your head spinning and your mouth getting dry, a pained moan escapes as you feel Childe tighten one last time around you before he goes limp.

He was still conscious enough to understand what happened, his body completely resting against yours, his legs too weak to hold him up. He turned his head, his lips against your ear as he sobbed, mumbling your name as he felt fuller than before, some drop leaking out of him and staining the bed. He moves his hips back slowly and tries to tighten around you more to help you feel completely satisfied.

The fact that he didn't even get to cum isn't bothering him, and Childe was convinced you wouldn't think about it until he felt your hand caress his stomach. A whimper greeted your ear when you graze his inner thighs, going up until you cup his balls, stroking his cock slowly and gently. Pained whines leave him, his sensitivity going through the roof, and even more when you use your other hand to rub the tip carefully with your thumb. You draw your hips back, positioning yourself in a way your tip drags against his prostate every time, just delicately pushing his buttons.

His face is flushed, his eyelashes wet and clamped together, his cheeks covered in dry tears, and his mouth wide open, lips drying out. Slowly, he feels his mind gets blank, his body gets unresponsive and when you murmur in his ear that he could cum, his reaction is instantaneous, his muscles tighten, his body shakes, and reaches his orgasm. But instead of cumming, you watch Childe squirt all over your hand and the bed, his eyes completely rolled back as he can't even speak, just kneeling there against you and letting go of everything, forming a small puddle in front of him.

It happens in an instant, but he turns his head to the side, your eyes meet, and before you can understand, his lips meet yours in a lazy kiss. It doesn't even last a few seconds as he passes out in your arms, eyes closed and breathing calm as he lays limp against you. Speechless, you lay him down on the bed, unconscious or asleep, you don't really know, as he didn't have enough stamina to stay awake any longer.

With a sigh, you get up with shaking legs, getting a towel and something to clean him up, taking the time to take a shower yourself and change into your previous pants before falling into the bed next to him. You discard the stained duvet without another thought, it was hot enough to sleep without one anyway.

You lay next to Childe in silence, unable to think properly as you're still high and ecstatic about what happened a few moments before, the pleasure still paralyzing your brain. In your mind, you're convinced that Childe will leave before the sun goes up, as soon as he wakes up, so you don't feel so worried about tomorrow. You're also almost certain that there won't be a tomorrow here, so you turn to Childe, looming over him with sharp eyes before leaning down and leaving a second and final kiss on his lips.

When you wake up the next day, the sun was already high in the sky, bathing the room in a warm and gentle atmosphere. There's no need to turn your head, as you already know Childe left, you can already feel the coldness that took place after his body left the bed and went away. But something else bothered you, it was the fact that you were still here, and it left a weird taste in your mouth, a feeling of unknown and fear that you did your best to forget.

You stood up with difficulties, your body aching from the previous night as you cleaned and changed the sheets, putting on your previous clothes once again, since you didn't have anything else right now. Stretching, you try to think about what you could do and end up deciding to discover and explore Liyue Harbor by yourself while you were still here.

The last thing that you expected when you opened the door was to see Childe stand there, leaning against the wall with a fresh set of clothes, he seemed to glow with happiness which was highly unusual. He gives you a playful smirk before standing tall, he offered you his hand, cheeks reddening and cute freckles standing out as he waited for you to do something, anything. A grin breaks onto his face as you step forward and let him grab your arm before dragging you out of the hotel, but he's kind enough to let you stop in front of the lobby to greet the woman from before, who smiles at you and wave since it was your first and last night here.

Unbeknownst to you, whenever Childe's skin gets in contact with yours, a bright blue mark on the back of your neck lights up, similar to his vision. And his own neck has a strange pure white mark that is hidden by his scarf.

And from afar, golden eyes glare at the sight.

A tall dark brown-haired man stares at the two of you, your scent seemed so familiar that he only wanted to get closer, but the scent of the man next to you was tainting it in the most disgusting way. He only wanted to smell that familiar fragrance that bring back a nice forgotten feeling from a long time ago.

His eyes become luminescent as his tail wages behind him, his horns resting majestically on top of his head, his stomach turning at the mixed fragrances coming from you. With a gentle smile, he goes back to work, thinking about how he could prepare your encounter with himself without scaring you, not wanting to come off as creepy and dangerous as Childe next to you.

He couldn't help but feel annoyed that the ginger managed to meet you before him, but he knows that he'll be able to get your attention on himself, and him only. He needed to do something about that obstacle, especially when he could see this blue mark on your nape, taunting him, tainting your body.

But he knows it won't last much longer, since he was here to take care of it.

⏤ Thank you for reading! I wish you a great day.

⏤ here is my masterlist & ko-fi ⏤

[temis-de-leon]

Day 20 - Kiss on the hand

Characters: Satan x gn!MC

25 kisses challenge Masterlist

Main Masterlist

CW: emotional intelligence chases Satan, but he's way too fast. Sudden and kind of inappropriate discussion of marriage, established relationship, Satan implied to be taller

A/N: I think this is ooc, but my brain decided to ✨stop✨, so here it is. I still like it, tho

.

“Is everything okay?”

“Hm?”

MC usually liked when Satan fixed his eyes on them. His stare almost had an academic feeling to it, like he was actually observing and trying to answer questions only he knew, but MC never found themselves being scrutinized. He still looked at them with care and fascination and the glint his eyes wore whenever they shared a moment of comfortable silence reminded them of the human sea and the sunrays bouncing on the water surface.

It was a feeling of being home that only he could bring and MC was far too happy indulging in it.

But this time was different.

He was blushing, distracted by a thought in his mind that, judging by his face, was a rather embarrassing one. He mumbled, shook his head and blushed even more. Was he… arguing with himself?

They had to admit, Satan had been acting strange the whole night. Keeping them close, but not engaging in conversation, holding their chin and staring at their lips, but not kissing them. Showing off their relationship before his peers, flaunting MC’s accomplishments with pride without looking at them.

It wasn’t anger, no, Mc would’ve known had that been the case.

Satan was embarrassed about something. Something involving them.

But what?

“What do you mean?” he asked, interrupting their thoughts.

A horrible liar, he was, cheeks tainted in a deep red and voice strained.

“You haven’t looked at me for hours and now you can’t stop staring”

“Why, can’t I appreciate my partner’s beauty?”

A faint flash of aggravation crossed his features and MC was quick to smile and cup his face.

“Something’s been on your mind” they said gently, enjoying the softness of his skin “What is it?”

The song suddenly changed to an ever slower one and he made sure to discretely move them to the farthest corner of the venue. The bride and the groom, both friends of Satan, walked to the centre of the dancefloor amongst cheers and applauses, the very few lights of the room soon focusing on the newlywed couple and leaving the guests surrounded by darkness. Even though it was a warm summer night, MC hugged Satan’s waist and swayed to the music, smiling when he brought them closer and rested his cheek on their head.

“So?”

MC felt him sigh against their chest.

“Yeah, yeah, I haven’t forgot. It’s just… them”

He slightly turned his face, probably looking at his friends, and MC felt their heart give a violent jump. What was he actually talking about?

“Relax, MC” he said when he senses their tensed body, but that didn’t calm their nerves. Their fingers were tingling, cold sweat running down their back and the uneasiness making them tremble.

Please, please, tell them Satan wasn’t going to propose to them during his friends’ wedding.

“I hope your reaction doesn’t mean you reject the idea of marrying me”

They moved away just enough to be able to look at each other, his breath still reaching them. It had a faint smell of alcohol and MC deeply hoped his words weren’t being fuelled by the influence, though he’d been acting weird since the beginning of the night, before they started drinking.

His apprehensive gaze reminded them he had implied a very important question.

“This is the first time you’ve even mentioned marriage” they said, immediately clarifying themselves to not give the wrong impression “Not that I’m saying no, but this is… this is something!”

Despite talking in whispers, the sincerity and borderline ridiculousness of the conversation brought the attention of a couple of guests. Thankfully, it wasn’t enough to catch the wedding party’s eye, but MC still looked at their boyfriend in panic.

“Yes, I agree, this isn’t the best moment, but I couldn’t get it out of my head”

The seriousness in his voice dried MC’s mouth. They wanted to be mad at him for bringing up such a serious topic in the worst possible scenario, but a part of them jumped in joy at the prospect of being with him forever. Of an official paper signed by Lord Diavolo making it clear to the rest of the world.

“Forgive me, MC, I shouldn’t have talked about it here and now”

He sighed once more, lifting their hand to his lips and kissing the back softly. His eyes stopped at their ring finger for a brief moment and MC’s breath hitched once more.

They didn’t talk much more for the rest of the party, too tired from all the dancing and the socializing and the discussing about potentially spending the rest of their lives together.

But they held each other and they kissed each other and, once they finally got home, they sat down on his bed and talked, not stopping until both of their faces hurt from smiling.

.

.

Taglist: @ourfinalisation  @owlisbuffering  @chizukimp4  @ravenredwine @darkflowerav  @craftysclown @mehkers

[harrywavycurly]

My love for Eddie and his person is unmatched. I’m begging for a moment where she has to come save him from maybe a panic attack? Since she can feel his emotions?🥹

Hii lovey!! Awe I am so happy you like the series!! I will gladly give you a little thing about her coming to save him from a panic attack! I hope you enjoy💖

-find all things Eddie’s Wish here✨

TW: description of a panic attack

Eddie closes the fridge as he squeezes his eyes shut, this can’t be happening now, he had a decent day at work and just wanted to come home and have a bowl of cereal that’s all. He feels his chest tighten and all of a sudden it’s like he can’t breathe as he leans over and grips the edge of the counter with all his strength as he tries to calm himself down. He feels the room begin to spin and just as he’s about to land on his ass in the middle of his kitchen he feels a slight breeze blow through his hair and a pair of arms tightly wrap around his middle from behind.

“I’ve got you.” Your voice brings a sense of calmness through Eddie’s body as you slowly bring him to the ground so his back is pressed against your chest, your arms still wrapped around him as you lean against the fridge. “It’s okay.” Eddie can’t speak so you just place one of your hands over his chest as you take a deep breath. “Copy my breathing.” You instruct as you lightly tap his chest as you exhale. Eddie does his best to mimic your breathing as you just hold him and softly hum one of his favorite songs in his ear. “You’re okay Eddie.” It’s the way you say his name in that soft sweet voice of yours that helps his breathing become more even as he opens his eyes.

He looks down and he’d laugh if he wasn’t currently fighting off a panic attack because here you are holding him in the middle of his kitchen dressed in your pajamas, fluffy slippers and everything while he’s still dressed in his work clothes. You slowly unwrap your arms from around him so you can begin rubbing his shoulders making his head roll back and land on your shoulder as he lets out a deep breath as his eyes shut out of exhaustion. You smile as you feel his body relax under your touch.

“Better?” You ask as he shifts a bit so the back of his head is now fully resting on your shoulder, Eddie just lets out a hum of approval as you continue rubbing his shoulders. “You’re overworked.” You explain as you answer Eddie’s internal question of what caused this attack to happen out of no where. “You need rest.” Eddie just nods his head because he’s too tired to argue with you and you’re also right and he knows you know it.

“Nice slippers.” Is all he says before you feel his full weight on you letting you know he fell asleep, you just laugh as you snap your fingers on your left hand. Eddie shivers a bit at the breeze as all of a sudden the two of you are in his bed in the exact same position.

“Goodnight Eddie.” You whisperer in his ear as you slide out from underneath him so his head lands gently on his pillow. You look around to make sure nothing will disturb his sleep, you quickly turn off his alarm and drape his comforter over his sleeping body before turning off his light before you disappear back to where you were when you felt the sense that Eddie needed you.

[withacapitalp]

How to Rehabilitate a Jock in Four Months Part 12

We're back babey :DDDD Happy to announce hiatus is over fellowsssss but also TW for this one Steve has a panic attack. Also thanks as always to @stevethehairington for betaing and supporting and generally just being the best friend a person can ask forrrrr also @thefreakandthehair for listening to me ramble about this endlessly. When I say I was working on this for two months, legitimately for the entire two months I was working on this

Part One Part Eleven Part Thirteen Link to Ao3

Step Twelve: Watch Him Stumble

In terms of gigs, this probably had to be one of the best sets Eddie had ever played. The energy was off the charts, the crowd was in it with them at every step, and best of all, Steve had been smiling the whole time. Even the power going out had a certain panache to it. Like a final zinger to finish off the wicked guitar solo in Breathless that made Eddie’s heart race every single time he played it. 

Was it ideal to have to sit in the dark and wait for the lights to come back on? Not by a long shot, but there was no denying that the ending of the song had been one hundred percent bonafide metal. 

All in all, Eddie wasn’t that pressed about having the electricity cut out. It wasn’t the first time the power had died during one of their shows, and it wouldn’t be the last. The Hideout was a total dive, basically a shack at the edge of the woods with an electrical system that was shoddy, at best. The band’s equipment had blown a fuse so many times that it was practically routine for the owner to have to go downstairs and reset the box halfway through their set. 

“What’s going on, Dan?” Eddie asked as he saw the bartender’s flashlight start to come up from the basement. He was eager to get going again, unwilling to lose the killer vibe coming from the crowd. 

He also wanted to be able to see what a certain ex-jock thought about the song he had just played. But that was neither here nor there.

“Shows over, boys!” Bar owner Dan shouted, listening to the moans and groans from the patrons before sighing and walking over to the low stage. “Flipped the breakers twice, but nothing. Must’ve been somethin’ else that blew the power. We’re done for the night.”

“Damn it,” Eddie swore, scuffing his sneaker on the ground and strumming a discordant little note on his guitar for emphasis.

Of course this happened on the one night he was actually trying to impress someone. Of course. 

“You can leave whatever you want to here for the night,” Dan offered, waving his flashlight around, “It’ll be hard enough to find your way out of this place without trying to lug around all this equipment too.” 

Eddie didn’t care about the equipment. He cared about the fact that Steve’s first time seeing him play had just been totally wrecked by a stupid power outage. 

“Thanks, Dan,” Jeff said for all of them as Eddie continued to scowl, trying to push down his disappointment before it could grow into something impossible to manage. 

The bartender nodded once, turning and walking towards some of the patrons to give them the news, leaving the band to their own devices. 

“This blows,” Eddie groaned as soon as they were alone, mood still incredibly sour. 

“You’re just mad you didn’t get to show off for Steeeeeve,” Frank teased as the others started to pack up in the dark. Even if they were leaving their stuff there, they still wanted to leave it in a somewhat organized fashion. 

“Stones and glass houses, Frankie,” Eddie said warningly, turning to where he knew Frank was around and glaring. He was not above calling out the other boy’s very obvious crush on Janet at this moment, nothing was off the books when he was this annoyed. “No, I’m mad our set got slashed in half cause of a dumb power outage.” 

“Mhm, sure,” Gareth said, drawing out the word in a way that grated on every single nerve Eddie had. 

“Guys?” Janet’s voice floated over, stopping Eddie before he said something he regretted. Janet slowly came into view as she walked over to the stage, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. 

She was alone. 

Eddie’s anger vanished as a pit began to form in his stomach. 

“Where’s Rocky?” Frank asked, walking over to stand next to Eddie. 

“Where’s Steve?” Eddie emphasized before Janet could answer, looking around into the dark of the bar. It was hard to see anything but lumps bobbing and weaving about, but none of them seemed Steve-shaped. Still, there was no way Steve would just leave. 

Right?

“No clue,” Janet answered, rubbing her arm, “Steve was acting weird right before the power went out, and now we can’t find him. I sent Rocky to go look around.”

Weird? What did ‘weird’ mean? Weird was the kind of word that only made even more questions. Did Steve totally hate the music? Was he having a bad time? Had Eddie completely misinterpreted everything he had thought from before? 

But before Eddie could put any of these fears to words, Rocky’s silhouette came into view. 

“He’s not in the bathroom. I even peeked into the ladies just to be sure,” Rocky reported. Janet made a disgusted little sound, reaching over to smack the younger boy upside the head and give him a disappointed scowl. 

“Hey!” Rocky snapped, getting out of Janet’s line of fire, “Not cool. I’m just looking out for a fellow party member.”

“He’s not in our party,” Gareth muttered immediately, stepping around his drum kit to come stand with the rest of them. Eddie didn’t bother to fight with his best friend or even comment on his stupid little jab. He was too busy freaking the fuck out over the fact that the guy he definitely wasn’t crushing on had seemingly vanished into thin air. 

“What do you mean weird?” Eddie asked, hating the way his heart was starting to pound. 

“He was like really distracted? And looked kind of freaked out. Not just annoyed or uncomfortable, but scared,” Janet said, trailing off with a grimace on her face. She looked like she had more to say, but nothing else came, and an stilted silence fell over the group. 

Scared? Steve? The words just didn’t seem to fit together. Eddie couldn’t imagine Steve being afraid of anything. He went headfirst into everything, confident to the point of nearly cocky, so sure of himself Eddie was sometimes jealous. 

“Maybe he just didn’t like the music?” Gareth offered, but his tone was weak. “Used the power outage as a way to slip out?”

“No,” Janet said firmly, shaking her head. “He… Something wasn’t right, guys.” 

Something wasn’t right. 

Eddie knew this feeling. It was that heart stop stomach drop moment. The deer hearing the first snap of the twig under a hunter’s boot, a rabbit sensing that a snare was nearby. It was the same way he felt when he was walking around town and saw a car full of douchebags tailing him, or he went to the woods to make a deal only to find no one sitting at the picnic table. 

There was something dangerous happening, something that instinctually made Eddie want to run for the hills. 

Something scary. Something that was a threat. 

He needed to find Steve. Now. 

“Maybe he’s just outside having a smoke or somethin’,” Eddie said, trying and failing to sound casual. “Let’s go look.”

Eddie carefully placed his guitar in its case and hopped down, walking towards the direction of the front door and hoping the others were following. He would go on his own if he had to, but he really, really, didn’t want to. 

Luckily he heard the pattern of footsteps following his own, and Jeff bumped his shoulder against Eddie’s as they approached the exit. Eddie took a millisecond to be grateful for his loyal batshit insane buds, then he was back on task. 

“Steve?” Eddie called as he walked out the door, mentally sending a prayer to whoever might be listening that Steve would be standing right there, waiting for them to come join him. 

No such luck. There were a few drunks milling about, a couple making out against the side of the building, but no sign of Steve’s pretty boy hair or his soft sweet smile. Eddie’s heart began to race impossibly faster. 

“Steve! You out here?!” Eddie shouted, hating the panic that was starting to enter his tone. He turned his head in every direction, but he couldn’t see any sign of Steve. 

“He’s long gone, Eds, can we go back inside now? It’s fucking freezing out here,” Gareth asked, rubbing at his bare arms and shivering as the frigid winter wind raced past them. Eddie could barely feel his own body, but he ignored both the cold and Gareth’s words, walking towards his van. 

Steve was there. He had to be. He had to be, or else Eddie was going to lose his mind worrying over what was probably nothing, and he might say something incredibly stupid when they actually found Steve, and that would ruin everything they had worked so hard to build. 

Luckily for Eddie’s increasingly fragile mind and heart, he spotted a shape sitting near the van. Eddie practically melted in relief, jogging around to the other side of his van, needing to see Steve’s face. 

“Well if you wanted to dine and dash so bad, Harrington, you should have-” 

Eddie cut off the idiotic quip he had been in the middle of saying, struck silent by the state he found Steve in. All of the relief he had been starting to feel instantly vanished, replaced by a bone deep dread that overtook Eddie’s entire being. 

Steve was on the ground, his knees pulled close to his chest and his eyes staring firmly at the gravel. He was still as a statue, barely even blinking, and his breathing was shallow and uneven. Eddie could see him shaking from where he stood, trembling like a leaf in the wind as he continued to just stare at nothing. 

Something was wrong. 

“Steve?” Eddie said softly, reaching out slowly as he edged closer to the other boy trying to get his attention. “Sweetheart? What’s going o-“

Steve’s hand darted out the second Eddie’s got close enough to reach, fingers latching onto Eddie’s wrist in an iron tight grip that instantly sent a dull ache racing up his arm. The physical sensation was uncomfortable, painful, but it was the look on Steve’s face that hurt the most. 

Steve’s eyes were boring holes into Eddie’s face, staring him down with a flat blank glare that looked completely wrong on his features. It was almost like he was looking through Eddie, not really seeing him, just dealing with the threat that was coming towards his body. 

It shouldn’t hurt. After all, Eddie was used to people in this town seeing him as a scary person. He didn’t really bat an eye anymore when people switched to the other side of the street as he walked past, and he didn’t care that much about the way mothers would grab their children’s hands if he started to approach. 

But something about the way Steve’s protective instincts had deemed him a danger just cut right to Eddie’s core. 

“Steve it’s-it’s just me,” Eddie stuttered out, trying subtly to pull away from Steve’s death grip. 

The combination of his quiet voice and tugging must have tripped something in Steve’s mind, because a hint of recognition flew across Steve’s face, and he instantly dropped Eddie’s wrist, going back to curling both of his hands in his hair and pulling, shaking silently as he let his gaze fall back to the pavement. 

“Eddie, back up,” Jeff ordered the second he was free, stepping forward. 

“Jeff-“

“Eddie, he’s having a panic attack,” Jeff said firmly, interrupting his friend before he could start trying to argue. “Back. Up.” 

A panic attack? 

Eddie had seen Jeff in the throes of a panic attack before, and it was nothing like this. Usually Jeff would hyperventilate, gasp for breath as his limbs moved almost uncontrollably. He would babble out anxiety fueled rambles until the moment passed, then usually retreat into the safety of solitude for a while as he tried to piece himself back together. 

Steve just looked… gone, lost somewhere none of them could reach him. 

But Jeff would be the expert on panic attacks, so if he said that was what this was, then Eddie just had to trust him and hope he could help Steve. Unwillingly Eddie took a single step back, falling into line with the rest of the group who had crept over at some point, and were now all staring at the scene with a mixture of horror and confusion. 

“Hey Steve, it’s Jeff, do you recognize me?” Jeff asked calmly, keeping his tone even and clear. He seemed completely zen, unphased by the very frightening moment. The only way Eddie could tell anything was amiss was the way Jeff’s fists were clenched tight at his sides, an easy tell that he was trying to keep his hands from shaking. 

Steve looked up when Jeff started speaking to him, giving one short nod after a prolonged pause. 

“That’s good. Can I come sit by you?” Jeff asked, starting to step closer. Instantly Steve seemed to be back on guard, stiffening up and pressing his back even harder against the van. Jeff took the shift in stride, taking a step back and holding his hands out.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stay right here. That’s better?”

Another pause. Another short nod. 

Jeff took a second to think, then slowly slid down so he was sitting across from Steve on the ground of the parking lot, crossing his legs and taking a long calming breath. 

“Do you know where you are right now?”

Yet another pause as Steve contemplated the question. Eddie watched as Steve’s blank look shifted first to confusion, then to fear as he shook his head. Steve’s lip started to wobble as his eyes turned glassy and filled with fright. 

“That’s okay,” Jeff said soothingly, clearly trying to get ahead of whatever was starting to grow inside Steve’s mind. “You’re at the Hideout in the parking lot with me, Jeff. Our other friends are here too. Eddie, Frank, Janet, Rocky, and Gareth. You came to listen to the band play tonight, do you remember that?” 

Steve nodded, letting out a long slow exhale, a bit of the tension in his shoulders dropping. His hands slowly slid out of his hair, fingers playing with the loose gravel of the parking lot. 

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Jeff explained. His words were blunt, but his tone was still soft. “Have you had one before? Do you know what caused it?”

Steve’s jaw clenched up even tighter. Eddie found his mind starting to count the seconds, needing something to do in the moment in order to stop himself from speaking. 

He got up to thirty four before Steve finally opened his mouth. 

“The lights,” Steve whispered, sighing and reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “It was… it was the lights.”

“Lights? I don’t- It was… it was just a power outage, Sweetheart,” Eddie blurted out, unable to hold his words back. His mind was racing to try and fit the piece into the puzzle, but no matter how he thought about it, Eddie simply couldn’t comprehend how the lights of all things caused Steve to fall into such a panic. 

He looked back at the rest of the group, seeing if any of them had any clue what was going on, but they all had the same confused fright on their faces. 

“No. It wasn’t,” Steve stated immediately, his voice firm and set. His eyes were hard again, and he was staring at the ground with a mixture of hate and fear that made Eddie’s stomach clench up tightly. “It was not just a power outage, and I need to check on my kids.” 

“Steve-“

“I need to check on my kids,” Steve repeated, interrupting Jeff harshly. Now that the tension was broken, the words seemed to be coming easier, and Steve cleared his throat before continuing, “My bag has what I need, but the doors were locked. I got out here and then the doors...”

Steve trailed off, looking lost. 

“I’ll grab your bag,” Gareth offered, startling them all. He held his hand out for the keys, and Eddie gave him a look, raising a brow. If it was anyone else, Eddie wouldn’t even hesitate, but Gareth offering to do something for Steve of his own free will was like the devil offering to tie Jesus’s shoe. 

“It’s okay, I got it,” Gareth said, softening his voice, something far too close to pity in his eyes as his gaze flitted over to Steve, then back to Eddie, conveying without words that Eddie leaving Steve at this moment seemed like a bad idea

Despite the tension of the moment, a part of Eddie relaxed. Gareth was just being Gareth- the good Gareth that Eddie knew was hiding under bitchy mean Gareth that had cropped up out of nowhere. Eddie tossed him his keys and the rest walked to the other side of the van, talking in harsh low whispers that Eddie couldn’t quite make out. 

“This can’t be happening again,” Steve whispered when it was just the three of them, a breathy half laugh escaping alongside the words as he wrapped his arms around his knees and tucked his head down. “God, it’s really never gonna be fucking over, is it?”  

The question was obviously rhetorical, Steve probably wasn’t even really talking to them, but a physical pain started to grow in Eddie’s chest from the utter defeat radiating off of Steve in miserable waves. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not going to ask,” Jeff stated, taking the risk to scoot closer and maneuvering himself so he was sitting next to Steve, his back flat against the van, “but, while we’re waiting for them to get what you need, do you want to try a grounding technique?”

“A what?” Steve asked, just barely raising his head. Jeff began to explain his favorite grounding technique, using short and easy to understand sentences to go over exactly what he was suggesting. Steve uncurled ever so slightly as Jeff was speaking, his full attention on the younger boy. Even Eddie was caught in the lull of Jeff’s tone, his heart starting to finally flow down. 

Then he heard his name. 

“Eddie.”

It was Gareth on the other side of the van, holding Steve’s bag up and giving Eddie a wide eyed look of horror. He gestured for Eddie to come over with a jerky handwave, and Eddie gave him a look. Wasn’t the whole point for Eddie to stay? Why was Gareth trying to pull him away just as they were starting to make progress. 

“Eddie. Now,” Frank whispered harshly, his head popping up next to Gareth’s. He also looked freaked the fuck out, still far too pale. 

“I’ve got him, Eds,” Jeff said in that same soothing tone pulling another deep breath and watching as Steve obediently copied the motion. “Go see what they need.” 

Eddie really wanted to just say fuck it and stay exactly where he was, but Steve was starting to get some color back in his cheeks, and if whatever was in that bag would help, then Eddie needed to get that for him. 

So, very reluctantly, Eddie walked around to the other side of the van, leaving Jeff and Steve alone. 

“What?!” Eddie snapped the second he was out of earshot of the two boys, throwing Gareth a harsh glare. If this was another trick or some weird tactic to fuck with Steve, then Eddie was going to seriously have to reconsider their friendship at this point. 

“Look,” Gareth hissed, shoving Steve’s bag into Eddie’s hands. 

Eddie peered in the bag, still annoyed and confused. It was all normal stuff. Well, a little weird. Steve’s car keys, a flashlight, a walkie-talkie… a first aid kit… and…

“Why does he have a knife?!” Gareth snarled, looking more terrified than angry. 

“Lots of people have knives,” Eddie said, trying to sound calm. The words came out strangled, falsely cool in a way that made it obvious to all of them that Eddie was just as uncomfortable as they were. 

“Okay, but why does he need that right now, Eddie?” Janet asked. It was a good question, but one that Eddie couldn’t possibly come up with an answer for. 

Why did Steve need a knife right now? Why would he even bring it with him tonight? 

“Eddie? What’s going on?” Jeff called from the other side of the van, still blissfully unaware of the latest update to their situation. Eddie shook his head roughly, dropping the knife back into the bag and zipping it up, holding it behind his back as he rounded the front of the van again. 

“What is it you need from your bag, Steve?” Eddie questioned, keeping his voice firm as he stared down at Steve. 

“My walkie-talkie?” Steve answered, a picture of innocence. He had one hand flat on the ground, and the other tangled up in Eddie’s necklace, his thumb worrying across the face of the guitar pick. Then Steve's words came back to him. 

I need to check on my kids. 

Hot shame flooded Eddie’s stomach as he remembered exactly what had led to all of them snooping in Steve’s stuff. Steve had just wanted to reach out to the kids, that was all. The knife wasn’t really that weird in retrospect, just another overprotective Steve thing. He wasn’t about to get stab happy on them, he just wanted a way to protect himself if it became necessary. 

Eddie could understand that. 

“Is it not there?” Steve wondered, some anxiety starting to leak into his tone the longer Eddie just stood there. “I’m sure I brought it, but-”

“No, I have it right here, sweetheart,” Eddie said, interrupting the thought before it could even form. He tugged the walkie-talkie out of the bag and handed it to Steve, sitting on the ground next to him and watching as Steve flipped it on and switched the channels, taking a deep breath before holding down the talk button.

“Guys?” 

He let go of the receiver, and immediately there was an explosion of voices as the kids all began to scream over each other, shouting Steve’s name and endless questions. It was impossible to make out exact words in the mayhem, but Eddie wasn’t interested in that. He was busy focusing on Steve. 

Despite the fact that he was still trembling, the pinched brow and nervous look in Steve’s eyes faded the second he heard the kid’s voices. He sighed, leaning his head back until it softly hit the van, letting the tension fall from his shoulders as his eyes slipped shut. 

“See? All okay,” Eddie murmured, needing to add extra reassurance now that he thought he could. Steve shot him a weary little smile, rubbing the guitar pick around his neck once more before pushing down the talk button once more. 

“What are we dealing with?” Steve asked, about to put the walkie-talkie back down before the sound of shoes on gravel caught his attention. As Gareth, Rocky, Frank, and Janet walked back around the van, Steve continued “and I’m not by myself right now, so don’t say any stupid shit.”

“Who are you with?” Lucas’s voice said from the walkie-talkie, sounding tinny and electronic. 

“And say over next time. Over,” Will added. 

“The fucking ‘over’ bullshit,” Steve said to himself with a roll of his eyes before picking it back up. “I’m at the Hideout with Eddie, now what are we dealing with?!” 

Silence. Eddie looked at Steve with a raised brow, and when Steve looked around in annoyance, Eddie caught his eye and mouthed the word ‘over’. 

“Jesus H,” Steve muttered, looking up at the sky as if begging God to help him. “OVER!”

“Well we don’t know that yet, Steve,” Dustin promptly responded the second Steve’s finger left the button, his tone dripping with far too much sass. "We were too busy looking for you! Over.”

“I’m gonna kill them,” Steve stated, rubbing at his temple, “I’m legitimately going to kill them.” 

“Everybody shut up,” A new voice barked. Eddie knew it from somewhere, but he couldn’t place it. She wasn’t one of the kids, Eddie knew that much, but he couldn’t figure it out. “Steve, Jonathan and I will be at the Hideout in five minutes. Do not move. Over and out.” 

After a few seconds of staticky silence, Steve groaned, pushing the antennae of the walkie-talkie down and turning it off. 

“Of course she’s coming here. Of course,” Steve whispered, unknowingly mirroring Eddie’s exact thought process right after the power outage. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Was that Nancy Wheeler?” Janet asked incredulously, her jaw hanging wide open. 

No. Nope. There was no way. 

“Yeah, it was,” Steve said with a sigh, forcing himself into a standing position and stretching his shoulders. 

He was completely nonchalant about it, like it was perfectly normal to have your ex on walkie-talkie speed dial, and it was only natural for her to come collect you like a haggard housewife the second she thought you might be in trouble. 

“Nancy Wheeler, your ex girlfriend,” Eddie said dumbly, just to be sure he wasn’t being punked.

“The one and only,” Steve said dryly, becoming more and more himself with every second. It was like hearing Nancy’s voice had flipped a switch, and the vulnerable nervous Steve that had been sitting on the ground by his van was gone in an instant, replaced by a flippant easy going boy that looked like nothing had ever happened to him at all. 

It was bizarre, uncanny in a disarmingly normal way. Eddie had always kind of admired Steve’s coolness, how nothing seemed to phase him.

Now it just felt… not disingenuous per say, but more layered than it was before. It wasn’t completely an act, but Steve was definitely hiding so much more than Eddie ever could have assumed. 

“Why is Nancy Wheeler coming here?” Eddie asked slowly as he stood up, watching Steve like a hawk and looking for any kind of micro change in his expression. He got nothing. Steve was a brick wall. 

“Even if I could tell you, you wouldn’t believe me,” Steve said with a wry smile that didn’t look much like a smile at all. Before he could say anything else, they all heard the sound of tires squealing nearby, and a pair of headlights peeled into the parking lot. Steve moved like a man possessed, jogging around the van and towards the car still speeding into the lot. 

“What the fuck was all that?” Rocky said, asking the question all of them were wondering. Eddie shrugged, following Steve’s path and watching as Nancy Wheeler jumped out of the passenger seat of the still parking car, ignoring Jonathan Byers' shouting at her from the driver’s side as she strode towards where Steve had stopped. 

“What the hell, Steve?!” She snapped the second she had pulled herself away from the car. “No one knew where you were. You didn’t tell anyone, or leave a note, or anything. What were you thinking?!” 

“What was I- Nancy, what are you talking about?” Steve said defensively, turning around to briefly give Eddie a ‘can you believe this’ look before turning back to his ex who was still fuming. 

Eddie didn’t really know anything about Nancy Wheeler, it wasn’t like they ran in the same circles whatsoever, but he certainly had never expected to see her like this. There was two high spots of red on her cheeks, and her eyes were flashing in a way that just screamed danger. 

“You can’t just disappear out of nowhere! Do you get how irresponsible that is?” Nancy asked rhetorically, not giving Steve a second to answer before she barreled forward, “Mike and the others wanted to make a search party and start riding around on their bikes looking for you. What are you even doing here?”

“I didn’t realize going out was a crime,” Steve said in a moody tone, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Nancy a cool glare. 

Things were quickly devolving between the two of them, and as much as Eddie wanted to intervene, he hung back and observed. That was the thing most people didn’t realize about him. Eddie could be quiet and listen when it benefitted him. 

“It is if you don’t tell me where you are!” Nancy exploded, throwing her hands up as she did. “Especially if it’s because you’re hiding that you’re doing something dangerous.”  

With those words she poignantly turned her glare towards Eddie, as if he personally was holding Steve hostage. Steve’s face screwed into a dark scowl and he stepped so he was back directly in Nancy’s view line, blocking her from the others. 

Protecting Eddie from her. 

That shouldn’t have made him feel as warm as it did. 

“Nancy. I don’t know how you forgot, but let me remind you- We. Broke. Up,” Steve said, each word punching directly out of his chest and exposing just how raw that still fresh wound was. “You’re dating Jonathan now, so what I do, and who I’m friends with, and how I spend my time isn’t your problem anymore.” 

“Nance,” Jonathan said, trying to grab Nancy’s arm. She pulled away from his grip, stepping close to Steve. 

“Yes, it is my problem! You are still my problem!” She shouted. 

Eddie would’ve chalked it all up to crazy ex-girlfriend disease and dragged Steve away from the fight, but something strange was developing. The anger was quickly draining away from Nancy’s features and all that was left was a painful grief, the kind that made Eddie want to turn his head and find anything else to look at. This wasn’t just a jealousy thing, or psycho ex behavior. 

This was something more. 

“Look, I know we broke up, and I know that’s my fault, but first the lights flickered, then power went out, and none of us could find you,” Nancy said, looking down at the ground as her voice began to waver and her features inevitably turned towards tears. “You weren’t at your house. It was empty, and it was just the pool, and no one there, and I thought- I thought-”

Eddie would never know what Nancy had been trying to say, because Steve enveloped her in his arms at that moment, holding her gently against his chest as he shielded her from the rest of the world. 

There was a momentary flare of jealousy that ignited in Eddie’s chest, a second where he felt a blinding, irrational hatred for Nancy Wheeler and everything she was. But then Steve was holding out his other arm to Jonathan, who hesitated for a second and looked extremely uncomfortable, but came closer nonetheless, all three of them sharing an exhausted hug. Jonathan and Nancy put Steve between the two of them, joining their hands between his shoulder blades as they held him close. 

Whatever was going on here, it wasn’t romantic. No need to be jealous. 

Not that Eddie had any right to be jealous in the first place. It shouldn’t matter that Steve seemed to have some sort of weird magnanimous relationship with his ex and her new boyfriend. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t his concern. 

It mattered. It mattered so much. 

“I’m fine, see? Right here,” Steve said, slightly muffled by the two people still holding him like he was the most precious object in the universe. 

“You can’t do that,” Nancy managed to gasp out, clearly in tears given how thick her voice had gotten, even if Eddie couldn't see them. “I can’t lose you too.” 

Too? Who had Nancy lost? 

The questions were only continuing to mount, and Eddie wondered if you could get a panic attack just by standing close to someone who had just had one. It was certainly getting harder to breathe the longer he looked at the three of them. 

“You’re not losing me,” Steve said firmly, as if he was writing it into law just by saying it out loud, “we aren’t losing anyone again.”

“You can’t know that,” Nancy said, her voice so soft Eddie almost missed it. As she did Jonathan looked up, hooking his chin on Steve’s shoulder as he made eye contact with Eddie. 

“Guys,” Jonathan called, reluctantly pulling away and nodding his head towards the rest of Hellfire who were all still standing there. Nancy quickly wiped at her eyes and Steve stepped back, putting distance between him and the couple again. 

“Hopper went to the lab,” Nancy said, picking her words slowly and carefully. “He dropped um… her off at my house with the rest of the kids.” 

Her?

“How is she?” Steve asked. Well, he knew, but Eddie was still in the dark. Who could ‘her’ be? Nancy had a little sister, didn’t she? Maybe she had a tendency to run off or something. 

“She’s freaked out. She passed out when the power outage happened, but we don’t know why yet,” Jonathan answered, wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

Steve sighed, swiping a hand across his face and turning around. He jogged over to grab his bag, slinging it over one shoulder as he walked back over. 

“Let’s just go. I don’t want to leave the kids alone right now,” Steve said, slipping back into his role as babysitter as easy as breathing. Jonathan and Nancy both nodded, waiting until Steve was in line with them before starting to walk to the car. 

It hurt almost, being forgotten, dismissed. It was like they had never even existed, like nothing else that had happened tonight mattered. 

It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t know he and the others weren’t Steve’s first choice of friends, but having it so blatantly thrown in his face didn’t feel all that great. There was an extra sting when Eddie considered exactly who those first choice friends were. 

Steve would apparently rather spend time with his ex and her new boyfriend over Eddie and his friends. 

Whatever. No problem. Eddie shoved the feeling down in his chest, deep where it would bother him all night long, but where it wouldn’t come out in mean lashing words towards anyone else.

But, as he spun on his heel and went to go stomping back towards his van, a shout behind his back stopped Eddie in his tracks. 

“Eddie!” 

Steve was running over to them, the back passenger door of Jonathan’s car still wide open. He slid to a stop right in front of Eddie, panting just a bit as he reached up towards Eddie’s neck. 

“I totally forgot,” Steve said apologetically, expertly unclasping the necklace and reaching over. Eddie shivered, sucking a sharp breath in as Steve’s arms wrapped around his neck, fingers just barely grazing Eddie’s skin as he returned the necklace to its rightful owner. 

“I had a really nice time tonight,” Steve murmured, looking up at Eddie with those big cow eyes and a bashful little smile. 

“Really?” Eddie said, thrilled but unable to believe it. Steve was probably just being nice, that was all. 

“Well, before,” Steve amended, his cheeks turning a soft red as he took one step back, futzing with Eddie’s necklace so it sat perfectly in the center of his chest. “I really liked your band.” 

“I’m glad,” Eddie managed to stammer out, both hating and loving the way his entire brain was turning to mush the longer Steve had his hand on his chest. Steve had liked the band, he liked the music. 

That didn’t mean he liked Eddie, but there was no denying the thrill that was shooting up Eddie’s spine. 

“Seriously. Thank you,” Steve said, patting Eddie right above his heart once more before mercifully pulling away. “It was nice to just get to be a little… normal.” 

“Anytime, Sweetheart,” Eddie replied, biting his tongue before he could do something stupid like promise that Steve could be normal with him whenever he wanted. 

“By the way you guys are all invited to my place for a Christmas Eve Eve party! It’s on Friday,” Steve said, turning to address all six of them. “I was going to mention it on the ride home but well- Anyway, we’re doing a yankee swap, so bring a present. Oh, and invite Kaiden too.” 

“A what?” Frank asked. Eddie also wasn’t sure what ‘Yankee Swap’ meant, but he was never going to turn down an invite to a party. Especially a party at Steve’s. The Harrington house hadn’t been the subject of a rager in quite a while, but if this was going to be anything like those parties, then it was not one to be missed. 

Plus it meant more time with Steve. 

“Dude!” Jonathan shouted from his car. 

“Coming!” Steve called back. He gave Eddie a quick flash of a smile before starting to run towards the car, waving a hand behind him as he did. 

“It starts at seven. See you then, Babydoll!” 

And then he was gone, disappearing into the car and driving away before any of them could give him a proper answer. 

Tag List: @paopaupaus @zerokrox-blog @surferboyzaza @whatever-is-a-good-name @minjintea @addelyin @5ammi90 @hagbaby420 @shinekocreator @bornonthesavage @starxlark @electrick-marionnett @resident-gay-bitch @ash-a-confused-enby @classicdinosaurdeathpose @valon-whomsttf @rotten-lil-goblin @thereindeerlady @love-ya-kash @kerlypride @sparkle-fiend @thefreakandthehair @flowercrowngods @milf-harrington @sadcanadianwinter @gothbat99 @hotcocoaharrington @henderdads @lightwoodbanethings @colorful565 @h0n3y-dw @craterbbox @sourw0lfs @lesliiieeeee @bidisastersworld @tinynebula @ravnlinn @bonescaro @mexmatch @cottagecoredreams @joruni @hellykelly @maegan1116 @farewell-wanderlvst @desertfern @due-to-the-fact-that-im-a-slut @anythingforourmoonyedits @eerielake @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @sidekick-hero

[lostloveletters]

Big Girls Don't Cry (Bucky Egan x OC)

Summary: After a night out spirals out of control, Holly thinks she's doomed to be a haunted house. Bucky’s brave enough to let the light in.

Note: An angsty first kiss for Holly and Bucky…I’m so overwhelmed by the response to the MotA fics I’ve posted so far, thank you so much🖤 There's going to be a parallel Woody/Brady-centric fic to this, which is why I included a decent ensemble here lol. Do not interact if you're under 18, terf or radfem, or post thinspo/ED content.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: Descriptions of a panic attack and related self-inflicted injuries; mentions of death and grief (hurt/comfort). Inevitable historical inaccuracies. Ends on a somewhat suggestive note, but nothing explicit.

Holly was exhausted when Bucky asked her to go to the pub in town with him and some of the other pilots that evening. She initially hesitated, but between his near insisting and her notion that a break from the base would do her good, she accepted the invitation. When she found Woody later on to ask if she was going, Brady had already invited her, a light blush spreading across Woody’s face when she told Holly. The overall group of seven required pushing two tables together and stealing some empty chairs.

“Holly, your drink’s on me. I got $4.50 when you won the last typing contest,” Bucky said.

“You bet on it?” Buck asked.

“I knew she’d win.”

“Beat her own record,” Woody added.

Buck shook his head, smiling a bit. Holly liked Buck a lot, especially the way his face lit up when she asked him about Marge. Seemed to be physically lighter, too, like the weight of being one of the de facto leaders of the 100th was off of his shoulders for that moment in time. He’d get almost flustered if he realized he was rambling, apologizing for taking up so much of her time talking about his girl even though she was the one who asked him.

“Which is why I’m buying my sailor a dark ‘n’ stormy, and the rest of you are on your own.”

She laughed, “Thanks, Bucky.”

‘My sailor.’ He had taken to calling her after they listened to the Nationals-Yankees game together. But she apparently inherited her sailorship from Stan, her preference for rum and penchant for cursing around Bucky (and few others), made him designate her so.

Nevermind she had only been on a boat a handful of times, one of which was the ship that brought her over to England from New York, and no, she didn’t know any sea shanties. He took it upon himself to learn one from a local laborer who worked on schooners at the turn of the century. Of course, Bucky had been drunk when he tried to teach her the song, remembering half of the lyrics and ad-libbing the rest. She left the singing to him.

She still had one secret–an anchor tattoo on her upper arm. An impulsive decision she and Stan made together when she accompanied him to San Francisco the week he shipped out to the Pacific. The same week she met Woody, and the rest of her life started before she could blink.

Being in the pub with everyone was the most normal she’d felt in a while. She hoped could finally shake whatever stormy clouds had made their home in her mind over the past year. 

“Hey Holly, you’re from DC, right?” Curt asked abruptly. “You ever meet the President? See him around the neighborhood or something?”

She laughed. “No, unfortunately I’ve never run into President Roosevelt at the drug store.”

“How would he even do that? He’d get mobbed,” Crank said. 

Woody nodded. “He’s probably got a mean security detail, too.”

“Well he can’t spend all day in the White House!”

“Why not? Heard they got a bowling alley in there,” Buck said.

“Woody, I’ll get you a beer?” Brady asked, his voice low among the clamor of what President Roosevelt did for fun in the nation's capital.

“Thanks, John.”

Holly sneaked a glance at her best friend when Brady stood up and headed over to the bar. She wasn’t sure if Woody had told him that Holly knew about them. There were few, if any secrets between Holly and Woody, and guys were certainly no exception.

“Look, if I were the president, I’d wanna know my neighbors,” Curt said.

“If you were president,” Buck repeated, toothpick between his teeth as he smiled. “Listen to him.”

“Hey, anybody can run,” Curt said. “That’s what it says in the Bill of Rights or something.”

“That doesn’t mean you should,” Crank said.

“You got my vote, Curt,” Bucky announced, setting his and Holly’s drinks on the table.

“Thanks, Bucky. You’ll be my VP.”

Bucky grinned, sitting next to Holly. His arm settled on the back of her seat, his fingers brushing the ends of her curly hair. 

The next few minutes was a game of musical chairs as everyone else came and went with their drinks of choice, Brady taking the seat next to Woody as soon as it was open. 

Holly found herself leaning against Bucky as she drank, nursing her dark ‘n’ stormy with the intent of making it last until it was time to leave. He was the only person she felt comfortable enough to be in such close contact with besides Woody. He felt like sitting next to the radiator in her childhood bedroom, and she nearly nodded off after some time, Buck and Bucky in the middle of some conversation she couldn’t follow. 

Curt returned to the table with what must have been his third or fourth beer of the night.

“Hey Bucky, some of these blokes are lookin’ to play darts,” he said, motioning behind him.

Bucky nodded. “Hope they’re ready to cover my tab.” He threw back his whiskey and gave Holly’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he got up. “C’mon, doll.”

Holly didn’t remember much of what happened between then and when she heard it. An entire chunk of time morphed into a hazy blur in her mind. Vaguely remembered cheering for Bucky and Curt. Then Curt called an RAF pilot an asshole, and a fight nearly broke out before fizzling down by the grace of god. Or maybe Buck stepped in. Bucky had something to her before his turn, an aside she laughed at, but couldn’t recall.

Different conversations around her jumbled with one another, stringing together in a cruel way only her own mind could conjure up for her. She heard him clear as day. 

“Stan?” she whispered, her voice crazed with illogical hope.

Her heart raced. She looked frantically around the room for a sign—any sign of him.

But Stan was dead. There’d been a funeral with a body. His mother wept over the open casket. Her own mother had written as much. Sent her the funeral program which remained hidden among her belongings. 

She kept the accompanying memorial card on her person at all times. A nice photo of Stan in uniform. His full name. Dates of birth and death. A bible verse and a little mention of his service in the Navy. 

Stan was dead. Had been for over a year.

Her chest tightened, pulling like a rubber band about to snap. As the room closed in on her, she barrelled through the pub patrons, paying no mind to who was in her path, only that they were between her and a door. 

The cool night air shocked her skin, but it wasn’t enough to snuff out the burning in her lungs. Panic overtook her brain. With a strangled shout, she curled her fist, unleashing months of unspoken grief directly onto the brick wall in front of her. Pain struck her hand like a bolt of lightning, but she could breathe again. 

Her knuckles split open, bruises blossoming across her fingers in the darkness. “Fuck!” she shouted, both in pain and disbelief at herself. “Motherfuck–”

The alley door slammed open, chaos from the bar ringing in her ears as she looked wide-eyed at the person who interrupted her. A tense mortification swept over her body. 

She’d been doing so well. Kept the self-destructive thoughts at bay. Used to chew on her bottom lip until it bled, the pain of broken skin and taste of copper strangely grounding when her mind wandered too far. Hadn’t done in it months. But she never exploded. Not quite like this. 

Bucky stumbled forward, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Holly?” he asked, his gaze drifting down to her hand. “Jesus, what happened?”

Of course he would be the one to witness her breakdown. She wished it were Woody, but she sure as hell didn’t want to ruin her best friend’s night out with her boyfriend either. 

Woody was used to it. Holly was always too embarrassed to go to a nurse, so Woody would sit her down and carefully apply petroleum jelly to Holly’s raw lips, eyebrows knit together in concerned concentration as her fingers brushed across the cracked, scabbed over skin. Didn’t care if she had been working for over twelve hours straight or was in the middle of something else.

But Bucky wasn’t Woody, and she never wanted him to see her like this.

Holly stared at him, trembling as he took a tentative step toward her. Tears welled up in her eyes. She frantically rubbed at them with her sleeve. She let out a shaky breath. 

“Holly,” he repeated. “Are you alright?”

“I felt like I was going to explode in there so I came out here and…” She flexed her injured hand and winced. “I heard someone talking. He sounded just like Stan.”  She swallowed a lump in her throat, feeling more pathetic as she explained herself. “I guess my wires got crossed.”

“Hey, it happens,” he tried assuring her. “You think you’re the only one?”

Holly shook her head. “Even when I got the letter last year, I still showed up and did what I had to do. Didn’t miss a day.” She was silent for a moment. “I don’t know why tonight was so different.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.” He took her bruised hand, whispering an apology when she hissed in pain. Examined it as best as he could in the cover of night. “At least not any more than you already have.”

“I punched a brick wall. I’m not gonna be able to type tomorrow,” she said, quickly adding, “I can’t go to a nurse. They’ll ask what happened, and I’d rather crawl in a hole somewhere.”

He shook his head. “C’mon, I’ll patch up that hand for you. It’s probably not even that bad.”

“Don’t cut your night short because of me.”

Briefly, almost enough to convince her it was just a trick of the moonlight, he looked uncharacteristically sheepish. “It’s the least I can do for making you come out tonight.”

“Bucky, you didn’t make me do anything. I don’t want to be some wilting flower who’s too afraid to keep living. Stan wouldn’t have wanted that for me. I just wish my brain would get the message.”

“Well, I’m sure Stan wouldn’t have wanted you to walk all the way back by yourself if you didn’t have to,” he said.

She smiled weakly. “Yeah, he’d chew me out for that.”

So would Bucky, if this had happened and he hadn’t found her. If she walked back to Thorpe Abbotts alone in the dead of night with nothing but the stars to keep her company. She never cared for them, especially not after Stan. They gave the night glistening teeth that tore her apart far too often for her to be comfortable beneath them.

“Hey, what about darts?” she asked, a good distance away from the pub.

“I pulled Crank in. He can hold his own. Besides, if there’s an angry bartender hunting me down on the base tomorrow, you could probably hold him off for me,” he joked, lightly elbowing her side. “You got one hell of a hook.”

“Stan taught me.”

“He taught you how to fight?”

“Sort of, but he was probably thinking more along the lines of self-defense instead of getting into fights with brick walls.”

“That wall had it coming. If you didn’t punch it, I probably would’ve.”

She huffed out a laugh. “Will you tell that to Chick so he doesn’t kill me tomorrow?”

“He’s not gonna kill you. Might be pissed that his best typist is gonna be out of commission for a few days, though.”

“I can still proofread. Or sort mail. Or—“

“Let me worry about that, alright?”

Holly hesitated. “Alright.”

—————

Bucky had the keys to the Air Exec office, empty for the night, and sat Holly down at her desk. He disappeared for a few minutes, but returned with an armful of peroxide bottles, absorbent cotton, and a roll of gauze. 

“Geez Bucky, don’t waste all of that on me.”

“If I brought you to a nurse, they’d use it on you, anyway.” 

He pulled up a chair, his knees touching hers as he took a closer look at her hand beneath a desk lamp. His eyebrows furrowed as he considered the dried blood, cuts that had already begun to scab over, and a particularly gnarly knuckle that didn’t sit quite right.

“I don’t think it’s broken, but one of your knuckles got dislocated. I’m gonna clean your hand and then pop it back into place.”

“Fuckin’ A,” she said. “I learned that from Stan, too.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“No. Neither did he.”

He snickered, grabbing the peroxide and some cotton. “What was Stan like, anyway? Sounds like an interesting guy from what you told me.”

“Stan was…” She paused. Nobody asked her about Stan. All anyone knew was what little she offered. What was he like? “He cursed like a—well, he was a sailor. Of course he was a Nationals fan. Loved detective novels. We’d have ones we’d read together and see who could figure out the big plot twist first. His front tooth was chipped, but god, he had the best smile. I’m talking serious wattage—“

“Wattage?” Bucky repeated incredulously.

“Okay, I made that up—think electric! He could light up a whole room with just his smile,” she emphasized with a smile of her own. “You know what I mean?”

He glanced up from her hand to her face for a moment. “Yeah, I do.”

“What else…we had this goofy thing going where we’d play tic-tac-toe in our letters to each other. I started doing that because I’m not great at writing letters. I never know what to say, but I wanted him to still look forward to getting them from me.”

“How’d you meet him?”

“I just started secretarial school when he got a job at this fish market up the street from my house. I remember thinking he was so handsome, he almost looked out of place,” Holly said, her voice soft for a moment. “Well, I’d spend so much time there that my mom would complain about how awful I smelled by the time I got home. I asked him out first.”

Bucky laughed. “You’re kidding.”

A wide grin spread across her face. “I wanted to make him mine before he could even think about another girl, so I went in one day and said, ‘When are you gonna take me to see a movie?’ Most guys wouldn’t have liked that, but Stan got a kick out of it. He’d tell the story to anyone who’d listen.” She paused. “I think what really scares me is that at some point, I’ll remember him for longer than I knew him, and I’m always gonna be…like this.”

“I’m gonna set your knuckle back in place now,” Bucky said, his voice low, almost contemplative.

Holly tensed, staring at the ceiling while Bucky pushed against her bruised knuckles. Bone clicked back into place. She groaned. Clenched her good hand into a fist, blinking away tears.

“Barely flinched,” he said. “You’re tougher than you give yourself credit for, doll.” 

She smiled. “Thanks, Bucky.”

They were quiet as he finished bandaging her hand. The room was almost chatty though, buzzing overhead lights, ticking clock on the wall, a leaky pipe somewhere. Among them, a thought broke free from the confines of Bucky’s mind.

“Stan was lucky to have a girl like you waiting for him.”

Glassy brown eyes, wavering with the weight of the world, stared back at him in silence.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Holly. I shouldn’t have—”

She kissed him, her bandaged hand caressing his cheek. Weeks of silently longing, lusting, and wondering, answered in full as she moved her lips against his. Nearly forgot to kiss her back until he felt her pulling away. 

He placed his hand over her bandaged one, still tenderly cupping his face. The gauze was rough against his skin, a contrast to the pads of her fingers. He curled his fingers around hers, her blunt nails lightly scraping against his cheek.

She gasped against his lips. “John.”

A shiver rolled down his spine as he brushed his thumb over the bandage he’d just finished wrapping, her knuckle that he set back in place for her. All for her. And she kissed him first.

‘I wanted to make him mine.’ 

Mine.

Mine. 

Her dulcet tone echoed in his head until he couldn’t think of anything but kissing her again, offering himself to her as the sole object of her affection. 

Mineminemineminemine. “Holly, baby—” He was trying so hard to be coherent, nearly choking on his words until finally uttering, “I’m all yours.”

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

If Anyone Falls

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~6.7k

Summary: Wanda takes you on a very special date

A/N: This is the first time fic! The actual first time fic, so 18+ y'all! I CONTINUE TO BLOCK AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS, SO BEWARE.! (capitalized because people seem to still miss this part). This takes place before 'Broke'. For my fellow Stevie Nicks stans❤️. This took a ridiculously long time for me to finish...HERE IT IS

Warnings: fluff, smut, and angst

Wanda takes another deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. Her hands are sweaty and she’s near panicking as she second-guesses her decision to take you here on a date. She knew how much you loved the artist that this particular club was spotlighting tonight, but now she was afraid that she’d been too over the top. This was your 8th date and the others had been fun, but not nearly as personalized as this one. Well you did take Wanda to one of her favorite spots in town and gotten her food from her favorite restaurant for a picnic. So personalized wasn’t exactly the right word. Wanda was just scared that she was coming on too strong with this one.

She knew that you liked her a lot given how much you two talked. She made time for you as much as possible during the day, and you did the same for her. You were understanding when she couldn’t see you at night, or if she had to change plans last minute. You tolerated a minimal amount of information about her work, but Wanda couldn’t help but fear that this wouldn't last long. She takes another deep breath before shaking her head with a groan. She was overthinking things. She just wanted you to have a good time tonight, and she knows that seeing you happy will make it all worth it.

“Wands?”

Your voice startles her out of her mini panic and she turns as you grab her hand with a smile. You’re a little worried because Wanda had seemed so relaxed when she’d picked you up for a date tonight. She was excited to surprise you and you’d found it adorable. However, as she pulled into the parking lot of a club you don’t recognize, she’d started to look tense and she hadn’t even turned the car off yet.

“Are you okay?”

When you squeeze her hand, she can’t help but smile and nod despite still being a little nervous. She confirms that she’d actually put the car in park before she turns it off and sighs again.

“Yes, sorry. I’m just a little nervous.”

You can’t help but smile at how cute this is because despite this being maybe your tenth date, Wanda was still anxious about it. You wondered what she had up her sleeve tonight because she wouldn’t tell you much more than that she wanted to take you some place nice. This was most of the time, but you knew that she meant something else, and when she’d insisted it was a surprise you got excited. Now you see that Wanda’s beginning to second guess herself so you do your best to reassure her that everything will be fine.

“Wands, you don’t have to be nervous. I’m sure I’ll love it here! After all, I’m getting to spend time with you, so it can’t be bad.”

Your smile widens as you notice one creep onto Wanda’s face, and you get unbuckled before shooting your girlfriend a curious look. She just nods before trying to get out of the car without taking off her seatbelt and you stifle a laugh as you do it for her so she can leave. She blushes but you don’t give her time to feel embarrassed as you come around to her side of the car. You take her arm with a smile and lead her to the doors of the club. You can faintly hear music through the walls, but you can’t tell what kind it is until Wanda opens the door for you. You smile gratefully and it widens as soon as you’re hit with the familiar tune.

“Oh, I love this song!”

Wanda feels her nerves start to fade when she sees how your face lights up at the song she’s only caught you listening to a dozen times. After being waved inside without having to pay you’re a little confused, but as you arrive to the main room of the club your jaw drops in surprise. The entire room is decorated in a way that made you feel like you were walking into the woods. It was done in a way that wasn’t typical for a place that ‘decorated’ for various events. The plants were mostly real from what you could tell, and everything was so well done that you almost immediately knew who had a hand in it.

You turn to Wanda who’s watching you carefully for your reaction to what she’d had planned for you. Well, the night in itself was the club’s idea. They had an artist themed night every month, but when she’d realized who was being featured this month, she jumped on the opportunity to make it even more memorable for you. She’d called them and then had to show up in person to prove that she wasn’t pranking them about wanting to help decorate the club for the night. It had just opened and they weren’t really able to spend that type of capital on something like decorations. Wanda had paid an obscene amount of money to make this happen, but seeing how enthralled you look, she realizes it was worth it.

“D-did you do this, Wands?”

When the music gets a little louder as the patrons who are already here start to literally move through the trees, you can’t help but smile widely. Wanda is blushing a little but she nods before mentioning why she’d gone to all of this trouble for you.

“Yeah, I thought you’d like to spend a night dancing to one of your favorites.”

Wanda barely finishes her sentence before you’re kissing her deeply. You don’t notice the crowd of people that flood in to join you, and you just hold Wanda closely as you try and comprehend what she’s said. Did she really bring you to a club where she’d paid an extraordinary amount of money to get them to commit to tonight’s theme? You were touched and if you weren’t so excited to enjoy the night, you’d just stand here and kiss Wanda all night.

“Wands, that’s so sweet. Thank you so much.”

The brunette smiles widely at you before she lets you lead her closer to where everyone else is dancing. The lights have been dimmed at this point to match the mood, but it’s light enough for Wanda to see your gleeful look.

When the song changes to another one of your favorites, and the lights switch to a dark purple you shoot Wanda a curious look. You squeeze her hand with an excited smile as you start to bounce up and down in anticipation.

“Did you happen to pick out some of the songs too?”

You knew that Wanda was an observant girlfriend, and it would be near impossible for her not to notice how much you listened to music. It was always playing in the background of your apartment when she came over, and she always asked about what you were listening to. She honestly didn’t have a lot of free time to listen to music, but a lot of what you listened to was older and she recognized most of it. However, she remembers the time that she walked into your apartment one night and this song had been playing. She’d certainly heard it before, but she didn’t know who sang it. You probably should have freaked out when your girlfriend admitted to not knowing who Stevie Nicks was, but instead you’d sat her down on the couch and introduced her to no fewer than your 6 favorite songs by her. It was this night that Wanda remembered when she heard about this club’s event tonight.

Wanda offers you a smirk and you barely let her finish speaking before you’re kissing it off her lips.

“Maybe.”

You and Wanda spend the next hour and a half dancing and enjoying getting to unwind together for the first time in a couple of weeks. You were still trying to process the fact that Wanda had gone to so much trouble for you, and done everything she could for tonight just to make you happy. You’re on cloud nine by the time the club is bathed in a light blue glow, and you sigh as you hold Wanda tighter. The song that comes on is one that you’d been listening to a lot lately, and you hadn’t really allowed yourself to think about why. As you stand in this club though surrounded by dozens of other people, all doing different things, the only person you really see is Wanda. You smile as the music echoes around you making you sigh happily.

Somewhere in the twilight dream time, somewhere in the back of your mind

“This is perfect, Wands. Thank you for doing all of this.”

Wanda’s smiling as she moves her hands down to your hips as yours sneak from her shoulders up to around her neck. You lean in to kiss the brunette deeply one hand sliding up to her cheek as you two continue to sway back forth to the music. Wanda’s nerves from earlier tonight have dissipated and she’s so close to feeling completely relaxed with you here despite the many strangers that surround them. Neither of you have had anything to drink, and Wanda’s made a decision to avoid alcohol tonight so she can be as clear minded as possible for your special night.

“Of course, detka. I’m glad you like it.”

As the song continues you lean in close to the brunette and rest your head on her shoulder with a sigh. You turn your face into her hair as she just holds you against her and you listen to words that you’ve played over and over in the past few weeks.

Never seen anything like you. If anyone falls in love…

You close your eyes and just breathe in the smell of Wanda’s shampoo as you try to commit this night to your memory. You’re beyond grateful to have found someone as thoughtful and loving as Wanda. The word hadn’t been said yet, but tonight is just another reminder to you that you are definitely falling in love with the woman holding you in her arms. Wanda’s thinking something similar as she holds you close until the song ends and quickly switches to the next. She’d be happy to just hold you like this for the rest of the night, but with the first notes of the new song you’re quickly standing up straight and near squealing in excitement.

“Oh, I love this one! This version is amazing.”

Wanda laughs at how cute you are and she is glad that she secretly looked through your phone to make sure she picked the right songs. She watches you start to dance as the song picks up, and she’d be happy to just watch you have fun, but instead you’re reaching back out for her to bring her closer to the rest of the crowd. You find yourself in the middle of some of the trees that Wanda had made sure would be planted somewhere after tonight, and you start to sing along.

Well would you stay if she promised to you heaven? Would you even try?

Wanda knew this song from the many times she’s heard you blasting it through your headphones while studying. She’d always try to get you to take them out and just play the music out loud so you don’t ruin your hearing. You’d appease her but still listen to it loudly enough that you still feel it rattle through your brain.

“Dance with me?”

Wanda couldn’t have said no even if she wanted to. The hopeful look on your face and the fact that you could barely contain your excitement as the song continues. She follows obediently and suddenly you’re in the middle of a crowd of people dancing and singing along. She barely hears any of the music, she zones out as she focuses on you as you dance through the next few songs. Wanda briefly looks around but her gaze falls back to you quickly because she can barely tear her eyes away from you. You look so beautiful and your bright smile makes Wanda’s stomach do flips.

A few songs later you realize how much time has passed since you got here. The club was full now and you were still having a great time, but the longer you held Wanda close to you, the more you wanted to get her alone. You were so happy with how tonight’s gone and you could tell Wanda was enjoying just watching you have fun, but you wanted something else from tonight. You check your watch again and realize it’s been over two hours since you got here. You don’t know if Wanda had anything else planned for tonight, not that this wasn’t plenty, but you figure you should ask before you tell her what’s on your mind.

“Are we going home after this?”

Wanda smiles at your question before she nods in confirmation. She hadn’t planned anything else for tonight since you’d already eaten dinner before coming here. She just hoped that this was enough for you. The sense of dread she feels is luckily fleeting as you smile widely at her before nodding toward the exit.

“Yes, detka. Whenever you want.”

You kiss your girlfriend as you take her hands from your hips to hold them in front of you with a smile. You hope she’s not offended by your increasing desire to leave, but when she just shoots you a smirk you realize she’s as excited as you are.

“Well tonight’s been one of the best I’ve ever had, but I would really like to get you home now.”

Wanda hides her blush with a smile and she nods before allowing you to lead her to the exit. Wanda shoots the bouncer a look as they leave that she hopes translates to ‘I’ll be in touch’ before walking out into the cool night air with you.

“This really was amazing, Wands.”

You hold Wanda’s arm tightly as you walk across the parking lot to her car with a wide, dopey smile on your face. Wanda turns and smiles at the sight before she opens the passenger door for you. She reminders herself that she needs to drive the speed limit because with her luck she’d get a ticket if she tried to get you two back to your place quickly.

“I’m glad you liked it. You deserved something special.”

Wanda says this as she gets settled in her own seat and you quickly grab her hand before kissing it. She starts the car and quickly gets you on the road as she considers what the rest of the night will hold.

“You are special, Wands, and I’m so lucky to have you.”

The rest of the ride back to your apartment is made in relative silence. You don’t even bother turning on music because the lyrics of all of the songs you’ve heard tonight are still playing in your head. You unlock your apartment door before holding it open for Wanda to go in first. You lock it behind her before sighing happily now that you’re home. Now that you’re away from the club you feel your adrenaline fading, but you still smile as you lead Wanda toward the living room.

“Do you want to watch something?”

Wanda nods and you both sit down on the couch with matching smiles to watch something you already know you won’t pay much attention to. You’re distracted by your desire to be near your beautiful, considerate girlfriend. You let her chose the show and you don’t hesitate to snuggle up beside Wanda as soon as she’s settled. When she leans against you, she wraps an arm around you before basically pulling you into her lap. You yelp in surprise but you don’t protest your new seat as you lean in to kiss Wanda’s cheek. Her arms wrap around you to hold you close as she sighs happily and kisses your temple.

“I love spending time with you, detka.”

Your face is starting to ache from how much you’ve been smiling tonight, but you wouldn’t change anything about it. You’re thinking about how you wholeheartedly agree with Wanda. Since you met her, you felt like you finally had something to occupy your mind other than school. You didn’t realize that you missed having a close relationship with someone, and you’re thankful every day that you ran into that door and attracted Wanda’s attention. You didn’t know you could enjoy someone’s company so much until Wanda came into your life, and the thought of her not being in your life long-term makes you frown. You aren’t ready to say it, but you know that you’re in this for as long as Wanda will have you.

“I hope you know…you’re the only person whose company I could never get sick of.”

Wanda laughs at this despite it being the highest compliment possible coming from an introvert. She lets you spin in her hold until you’re face to face, and she’s smiling by the time that you lean in to kiss her. It starts out chaste but it quickly becomes heated as you two get lost in the feeling of being close like this. You’re a little tired from the time you spent dancing at the club, but you feel your body start to buzz excitedly as Wanda’s hands drift to your hips.

You groan under your breath and sneak your arms around Wanda’s neck to pull her closer. You feel your heart start to race once she’s flush against you, and you shift in her lap. Wanda’s breath hitches and her hold on you tightens before she forces herself to pull away from you.

She wants nothing more than to take you to your bedroom and have you in any way you let her, but she can’t. Not yet. She wants to make sure that you know how much you mean to her. You’ve been together for a while and despite getting to this point before, you always stop once someone ends up on the other’s lap, tonight she wants to go farther. She could tell that you do as well, but something in her made her feel obliged to tell you that you didn’t have to.

You frown when Wanda pulls away, and you’re about to complain when you see her expression. She seems nervous which you understand and can share the sentiment, but you realize you’re wrong about why once Wanda speaks up.

“We don’t have to do this tonight, Y/n.”

Your frown deepens as you consider why Wanda would say this. Does she not want to have sex with you? No. That can’t be right. The looks she’s shot you up until now told you that she definitely did. Was she just getting cold feet? Your obvious confusion is enough for Wanda to realize she needs to elaborate, and she clears her throat before dropping her hands from your hips to her sides.

“I just mean I don’t want you to feel obligated. I-um, I didn’t do all of this tonight just to get you in bed.”

Realization makes your frown disappear and you smile softly as you reach out for Wanda’s hands that are fidgeting from the brunette’s nerves. You wait until Wanda meets your gaze and you lean in to kiss her chastely before you shake your head.

“The thought never crossed my mind, Wands. You’re far too sweet.”

Wanda’s not sure if she’d ever use that word to describe herself. Given what she did day in and day out for work, she didn’t feel like she was a sweet person. She could be cruel and cold when she needed to be, but never with you. You were different. Her relationship with you was different, and Wanda thought of you as her saving grace. You gave her a life outside of her work, and she was finally able to see what she had been missing for years.

Wanda looks away embarrassed by your words, but you simply reach out to turn her back toward you with a kind smile. Despite how much you’d like to do otherwise, you want to give Wanda the opportunity to opt out. As she’d done for you.

“If you don’t want to do this, just say the word. We can do anything else.”

Wanda is quick to shake her head, and you have to stop your smile from widening at her enthusiasm. You shift again so you're more comfortable, and her grip tightens on your hips once again.

“No, I do. I-I’ve wanted to for a while.”

Wanda’s cheeks flush at her words and you can’t help but find it adorable. You groan under your breath before you lean in to kiss Wanda’s hair. You take a deep breath and try to figure out what to do now that you both have expressed your desire to go further. Your clothes suddenly feel tight and an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach makes you sit up.

“Me too. Do you want to take this somewhere else?”

Wanda watches as you stand up and she takes a couple of seconds to just admire how beautiful you look before she’s nodding in agreement. She stands up and takes your offered hand before following your lead. She can’t help but think about how sweaty her hand is in yours, but you don’t give it another thought as you drag Wanda through your bedroom door before shutting it behind her.

It’s dark and you only consider turning on the lights for a few seconds before you lead Wanda to your bed. You’re a little nervous about this and you’d rather Wanda not see it as you pull her toward you. As your eyes adjust to the darkness you kiss Wanda’s cheek before finding her lips with a sigh. Your hands go to her shoulders to push the jacket she’s wearing off and onto the floor. She realizes that if you go further you might feel where her gun is hidden on her, so she reaches out to gently push you onto the bed. You don’t think much of it even as you hear something click and fall to the ground because Wanda’s keeping you distracted. She kisses you one last time before she squeezes your hips and shoots you a look you probably can’t see.

“Can I take this off?”

You feel her tugging on the hem of your shirt, and you just smile before nodding in response. Your nerves are starting to make you fidget, but Wanda doesn’t notice as she hesitates to undress you. She can feel her own anticipation telling her to get right to it, but her desire to take her time and treat you right forces her to slow down. She leans in to kiss your heated cheek before speaking up.

“I can’t really see you, detka, so I need you to use your words, okay?”

You feel your face flush further at her request, but you’re nodding quickly before forcing yourself to speak. You cringe at how on edge you sound, and Wanda unfortunately doesn’t miss this.

“O-okay.”

Wanda frowns slightly and she drops her hands onto the bed so she can take a deep breath and give you a second to focus on her. She considers turning on a light so she can see your face, but then she couldn’t just turn it off after without it seeming strange. She decides to do her best to keep you comfortable as she tries to get the green light to go ahead.

“Don’t be afraid to tell me what you want, Y/n. If you want to stop, just say so.”

You feel your heart stutter in your chest at Wanda’s words, and you can’t stop yourself from reaching out for her. Your hands cup her cheeks and you pull her toward you. You kiss her once before taking a moment to admire your beautiful girlfriend. This close to you, you can see her bright eyes watching you as you smile lovingly at her. You said it earlier, but you truly do believe that Wanda is such a sweetheart. She’s so thoughtful and she treats you so much better than anyone else you’d dated.

“I will, I promise.”

You shift on the bed so you’re closer to the middle, but you keep your hands on Wanda as you shoot her a challenging look.

“Will you come over here, please?”

Wanda doesn’t hesitate to follow you and she’s kissing you again as you lean back and bring her with you. When you’d thought about your bed earlier tonight, you’d been certain that you would pass out as soon as your head hit the pillow. Now that you’re here though, and you have Wanda’s weight on top of you, the last thing you want to do is sleep. Your hands fall to Wanda’s hips as you shift her so she’s straddling you. You smile when you feel her groan as your hands slide down her thighs. You’ve been this close before. You cuddle all the time whether it’s on the couch watching tv, or in bed during one of your rare sleepovers.

You always have to stop yourself from taking liberties and feeling the brunette’s toned stomach that you’ve only had the privilege of sleeping on a couple of times. Now, though, you have to slow yourself down so you don’t overwhelm her with your need to feel every part of her. You sigh as push away your inner teenage boy and stop your hands before they’re under her dress.

“Can this come off?”

When she tells you yes, you’re quick to remove her dress and you let her take your shirt off as well. You’re left in your bra and the shorts that you’d been too lazy to remove. You still Wanda against your hips and you hold back a groan when her breath hitches and her legs tense. The thought of what you’d like to do to her makes you groan against her skin as you kiss her shoulder. She releases a breathy sigh and her head falls back as she rocks her hips against you. She’d like for you to get on with it, but your time together has taught her that you are a huge tease.

She’s still always surprised by the fact that you can be so shy and uncertain one minute, and crazy confident the next. She’s seen you get more comfortable with her over the months you’ve spent together, and she honestly should have guessed that you’d be confident here and now. She doesn’t think about how many people you’ve slept with because that doesn’t matter to her right now. She only cares about what you’re going to do now that you have her almost completely naked on top of you.

“I’d really like to touch you now, Wands. Is that okay?”

Wanda nods quickly and she mutters a ‘yes, please’ under her breath that makes you smile. You have plenty of ideas of what you’d like to do, but you want Wanda to enjoy this as much as possible. You want to make your first time together as special as possible.

“What do you want, Wands?”

She’s breathing heavily as she takes a moment to still herself on top of your hips so she can answer you. You smile when she tells you what she wants you to do, and you gently roll her onto her back so you can get her in position.

You had thought a lot about how this night would go. You were afraid that you would do something wrong, or that Wanda would ask you to do something that you weren’t comfortable with. You hadn’t expected that you’d get to do exactly what you wanted. You’d only dreamt of spending hours learning Wanda’s body, what she liked and what she loved, but you hadn’t dared to hope that you would get the chance to do this on your first night together.

When Wanda’s exhausted and trying to catch her breath, she realizes that all of the attention has been on her. She couldn’t pretend that she didn’t love it, but she was dying for a chance to get to touch you. The only problem was that she couldn’t get her body to cooperate. She moans as your hand falls to her stomach and then lower before she forces herself to turn toward you. She buries her face in your neck before shaking her head with a groan.

“No more, I can’t.”

You pout but you don’t hesitate to drop your hand back to your side. Your body is still buzzing with unspent energy, but you are just going to have to sleep it off since Wanda’s done. You suppose you went a little overboard, and you nearly cringe as you look at the time. It’s 3 in the morning and you’re very lucky that it’s the weekend. You look back to Wanda who’s started to shift beside you, and you wrap an arm around her with a frown.

“Are you okay?”

The quiet concern she hears in your voice makes her smile, and it gives her the energy she needs to sit up on her elbows. She pushes her hair out of her face before leaning in to kiss you deeply. Your lips are swollen and a little numb at this point, but you don’t hesitate to kiss Wanda back as she starts to shift so one of her legs is slotted between yours.

She breaks away from your lips just long enough to shoot you a knowing look. She can feel her exhaustion start to take a back seat to the excitement of getting to taste the arousal she can feel against her leg.

“You haven’t come yet.”

You shake your head before opening your mouth to deny this because you actually had. Earlier when Wanda had been riding your fingers on your lap, you’d come only a few moments after her. You plan on telling her this, but she cuts you off when she presses her knee between your legs causing you to jump in surprise. You bite your lip to stop from moaning and Wanda just reaches out to free it before kissing your chin and then cheek. You find your voice, barely and try to shake your head before clearing your throat.

“It’s okay, Wands. I-.”

You hiss under your breath when Wanda bites your ear which shuts you up pretty quickly. She runs her hands down your neck before they stop on your shoulders to pin you down. That said, you’re sure the look that she shoots you would be enough to do that.

“Will you let me change that? I really want to taste you.”

You’ll look back on this moment years from now and cite it as the first time that you realize that you’re a total goner for this woman. You would give her anything she asks, and yes you would probably commit a crime if she wanted you to. You moan when Wanda immediately meets your lips in another kiss as her hands begin to wander more insistently. As soon as you feel her fingers at your inner thigh, you realize that you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.

Wanda’s somehow still awake at 7am, but you’d fallen asleep about an hour ago and she decided to let you sleep. The sun would be coming up soon and now that she’s showered and started on the coffee that she’s certain you’ll both need she’s spent some time reflecting on how last night (and this morning) had gone.

She’d been relieved when you walked into the club and immediately smiled widely at the sight . When you’d thanked her for giving her a very special night, she felt a weight lift off her shoulder, and she was practically floating by the time you arrived back at your place.

She’d spent almost $20,000 last night to make sure that you would have a good time, and she can honestly say that it was money well spent. She’d admitted to herself weeks ago that she was falling in love with you, but she wasn’t going to tell you that first, if at all. She was too worried about her job scaring you away as soon as she was forced to tell you about it, so she wouldn’t risk heartbreak by telling you her feelings. It was probably silly, but she couldn’t help it.

Last night had been an attempt to show you how much she loved you without having to say it. She’s not sure if you got the message, but then last night you’d spent hours pleasing her before you let her reciprocate. She had seen how eager you’d been, and how much you’d liked touching her, and she just hoped that it was because you felt the same.

She sipped her coffee with a sigh as she took a moment to try and relax. The room still smells like sex and Wanda thinks about going to the living room, but she wants you to see her when you wake up.  She looks to where you’re hugging your pillow and she can’t help but smile at the sight. You’re tuckered out, but that doesn’t stop you from holding something in your arms. She learned fairly quickly that you could only sleep soundly if you were hugging something. It was adorable, as was the blush she caused when she brought this up to you one time. She finishes her coffee before she dares to look at her phone.

She’d told her brother that she would be busy this weekend and wouldn’t be available for work. Of course he’d asked what she would be doing, but she gave him some bullshit answer that kept her secret for another weekend. She felt guilty about hiding your existence from most of her family. She just didn’t want things to get complicated before she was ready. She was sure that this was going to bite her in the ass, but for now she just wanted to enjoy her time with you.

“Ugh, what time is it?”

Wanda’s surprised to hear your voice, but she still smiles at you before reaching out to fix your mussed hair.

“A little after 7.”

You groan loudly in response before you burrow further under the covers and into your pillow. Wanda just laughs in amusement before she offers to get you some coffee. She honestly wouldn’t be surprised if you slept more, but instead you stretch before stifling a yawn.

“Do you want some coffee?”

That’s what the smell was. When you first woke up your senses were filled with the smells of your pillow which were a mix of sweat, your shampoo, and the expensive dryer beads that you’d splurged on last month. You had wanted to stay asleep with your face hidden in this pillow until you remembered how you’d spent your night.

You were still a little surprised that last night had gone the way it did. You’d half expected to wake up to an empty bed, and empty apartment only to realize that you’d had a very vivid dream. You’re glad to see Wanda drinking coffee when you crack an eye open, and you smile despite the fact your exhausted body is demanding sleep.

“Maybe later. How long have you been up?”

You are slow to sit up and you stifle a groan at your sore muscles before deciding that you might need to take something. You’re so sore it’s a little embarrassing.

Wanda shrugs as she mentions that she’d just been up for an hour or so. She made some coffee before coming back here and showering and then getting more coffee. She didn’t mention how she’d retrieved her gun and hidden it in her bag so you wouldn’t see it, or how she’d checked in with Steve to make sure that nothing had come up while she was gone. She hoped that you wanted to spend most of the day in your apartment because the simple walk to the kitchen had caused Wanda’s sore muscles to protest.

“Just long enough to shower and make some coffee.”

You hum in acknowledgement as you move a little closer to Wanda and confirm that she smells like your shampoo. You lean against her a little before deciding that you can spend the rest of the day in this bed with her. Just so long as you get to shower too, and some food, and clean sheets. Okay so maybe you’ll just hang out in the apartment all day.

“Hmm I can tell, you smell nice.”

Wanda laughs at this and you just curl into her side with a yawn as you close your eyes. You smile as an arm wraps around your waist to pull you closer.

“I still can’t believe you did all of that for me last night. My favorite date by far.”

Wanda can’t stop herself from smiling proudly at this. She’s glad you had a good time, and she hopes that the night would be a memorable one. She blushes slightly at the thought that it definitely was, and you’re looking right at her, so you don’t miss it.

“I’m glad you had fun, detka. I could get used to spoiling you.”

You smile widely at the thought before you kiss your girlfriend’s cheek as you squeeze her hand. You definitely could get used to being spoiled, but you honestly hadn’t had a bad date with Wanda yet. Even when that drive in movie had been rained out, you’d just ended up sitting in your car talking and cuddling for hours. It was perfect and you realized then and there you could be happy with Wanda anywhere. You just needed her.

This thought overwhelms you a bit and you don’t realize you’re crying until Wanda shifts and shoots you a concerned look.

“Are you okay, Y/n?”

You wipe away your tears with a frustrated sigh before nodding unconvincingly. You’re embarrassed and you look away from Wanda and toward the curtains that were still drawn but letting the early morning sun peek through.

“Sorry I’m fine I just—no one’s ever treated me as well as you do, and it’s a little overwhelming.”

You pause as you think back to last night and how demanding you’d been, and you immediately felt guilty about not being nearly as considerate as your girlfriend.

“I’m sorry if I went to far, or made you uncomfortable last night. I just…”

You trail off because you’re not going to admit how long you’ve wanted to sleep with Wanda so early in the morning. You are grateful when she speaks up quicky, but you miss the confused and slightly concerned look she gives you as she reaches out for you.

“Hey, detka. Can you look at me, please?”

You do so immediately and you feel even more guilty when you see how worried Wanda looks. You shift uncomfortably but manage to hold her gaze as she furrows her brows in confusion.

“I wanted everything that happened last night, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She offers you a smirk and you’re quickly blushing when she adds something that sends your mind reeling back to the wee hours where you’d been mostly driven by your lust.

“In fact, you did everything right. It was the best night I’ve ever had.”

You try to hide your smile by looking down at your joined hands in Wanda’s lap. You’re so happy that Wanda feels this way because every other one of your first times had been somewhat awkward. If you weren’t drunk during it, you didn’t have a great time, or it was only a one-night stand which always left you feeling lonely afterward.

“I’m glad, Wands. I’m hoping to have many more nights…well not exactly like that, but with you. That’s all I really want.”

When Wanda just smiles before kissing you chastely you feel overwhelmed by your feelings again. You don’t cry this time, but you smile widely as you wonder how long this happy feeling will last. Wanda’s thoughts are similar as she tries not to think about her time with you ending. She can’t remember the last time she’s been this happy, and she just hopes that it lasts forever.

“Right back at you, detka.”

Masterlist

[jisungsbff01]

.like i need you.5.

...pairing…Chan x reader

...w.c... 2.3k

...genre…slice-of-life, college au!

...warnings…anxiety attack, mentions of not eating, insomnia

...characters...Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin(rest of members mentioned)

...synopsis...No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends...connecting with one in particular...

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

A/N: I haven’t properly edited this chapter yet, but I wanted to get something out.

 Now that our regular class finals were over, Hyunjin and I were working overtime for the day we had left for our project. We were so close to getting where we needed it to be for his presentation of it and I was getting antsy. Currently, I was holed up in the producing studio I knew that later he would be at the dance studio across town. And, if I am being honest, I haven’t spoken to anyone in almost two days. Not even Hyunjin to discuss the project, granted he was too busy perfecting his routine to notice. In turn, this meant that I haven’t properly eaten… I had no one to drag me for coffee and something to eat and I have been too wrapped up in either the studio or my room on my computer to notice anything else. 

My phone has long been put on Do Not Disturd and I was finally getting somewhere with the background vocals. I’ve never been this picky with my songs, but I think since the main music part is mostly just me, I am overthinking it. I’ve never had to do main vocals and I am by far the best singer there is, but in the end had to for this so I’m kind of stuck with it. 

Although it was on Do Not Disturb, my phone would still occasionally light up with various notifications, and the last time it did, it was 5AM. My body was aching and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I knew I was not going to be able to continue on properly with being as tired as I was and I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and a little nap wouldn’t hurt. I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes and rolled up my hoodie as a make-shift pillow and I rested my head on it and let sleep take me in it’s comforting embrace.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I was awoken by someone’s hand on my shoulder, calling my name. It was Han Jisung. How the hell did he get in here? I shoot up straight and look around, slightly confused as to where I was…but it all floods back rather quickly, “Ji? What are you doing here?”

He meekly brushed a few strands of hair out of my face as he responded, “I was getting a studio for Chris and I before he got here and the receptionist asked me to check in on the person in here because they’ve been in here since yesterday morning…have you eaten anything, Y/N?”

I stretch widely and got up, back to my seat at the desk and shake my head, “Too busy. I’m okay, though- thank you for checking on me I probably needed to wake up soon anyway-wait…what time is it?” My body panics slightly.

Jisung looks down at his watch and responds, “It’s 6:30, why?”

“Shit, I was supposed to be awake an hour ago…it’s okay, Ji. Again, thank you, but I have to get back to work. But, please tell the receptionist I’m okay.” I dismiss him rather quickly.

He mutters something as he walks out hesitantly. 

I continue to work, going in and out of the recording booth…deleting and rerecording clips here and there, adjusting the bass and trebel, the balance between vocals and instrumentals, going back through the whole song until I was satisfied. Which eventually happened. Only, it was 8:45 by the time that happened. But, finally I was done…and it was basically a whole new song, for the most part. I knew by this time Hyunjin would be at the dance studio, so I decided to head straight there.

Picking up is favorite drink along the way, which the shop owner decided to give me for free this morning for some reason, I made it to the studio by 9 exactly. I quietly made my way into the building, trying not to disrupt anyone and found Hyunjin stretching to soft music. The temperature outside left a bite of cold in the air in the studio, but I’m sure once he got moving he would be grateful for the temperature. 

I mumbled a ‘good morning’ to my friend as I handed him his drink and I sat on the couch, legs folded under me. The tall man went from being on the floor to towering over me in a heartbeat. 

“So I got a call from Jisung this morning…” he started off.

“Oh, yeah? Saw him this morning briefly, one of the few people who have woken me up that haven’t gotten their eyes clawed out, by the way.” I respond with a gravelly voice.

“Mhm, he told me that you haven’t been out of the studio in almost 24 hours?” He states frustratedly. 

“Yes, I got caught up, what’s the big deal, Hyun?”

“The big deal is that you haven’t eaten either, Y/N…you need to eat, and sleep.”

“Don’t worry, I grabbed a snack on my way here, ate it already…mom.” I mumble the last part, because I felt like I was being scolded by my mom.

“Okay, well you probably didn’t eat enough, so what is going to happen is you are going to take a nap here so I know you are actually sleeping and once you are awake, we are going to get you some real food.” 

“I’m not gonna say no to sleep right now, that’s for sure.” 

He tosses me his hoodie and I opt to use that as a blanket, once again, I fall asleep rather quickly and stay that way, even over the music and the dancing in the background. You would think the sounds would keep me from falling asleep, normally they probably would, but in the moment, they lull me to sleep instead. 

I only wake up once and it was when Felix and Chris stopped by, Chris had a blanket in hand and was more than ready to swap out Hyunjin’s hoodie for a proper blanket. He sat next to me, just above my head…and for some reason, I rested my head on his thigh. He stilled for a moment, before relaxing and laying his hand on my arm. I couldn’t help but fall asleep once again. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I wake up from the feeling of strong nausea. And an extremely tight chest…

I shoot up from my position on the couch, interrupting whatever conversation everyone was having, and darting to the bathroom. Nothing came up, but I sat there dry heaving for a while. I’ve always hated getting sick in this way, I always felt helpless and no matter what, I always wanted my mom. I suddenly started crying, I felt like shit, hungry but too nauseous to eat. 

My blood sugar was definitely low and my mental health was now taking a drop. And I realize how hard it was getting to breathe.My breaths come out in sporadic huffs as I try to catch my breath just so I could begin to take slow breaths, to calm myself down. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, especially not Chris. With shaky hands I message Hyunjin, asking him to come into the bathroom.

Within a couple of minutes, he’s running into the enclosed space. My hair, once pulled up into a bun, was now hanging in the hair tie by my shoulders. It was hot, too hot and I felt like I was going to throw up, even though I knew I couldn’t. He took a hair tie off his wrist and pulls my hair up, my head lulls back as he does so and he grabs my hand and sets it over his heart. There’s a loud roaring in my ears and I can hardly hear what he is saying but by the gesture, I understand that he is attempting to get me to breathe at the rate he was.

Suddenly he grabs his phone and dials someone, I still can’t hear him and I am at the point where I genuinely feel like I’m dying. My chest hurts, my throat hurts, and my lungs are beginning to ache from lack of proper oxygen. I see Hyunjin stand up and pull away to wet his hands under the faucet, coming back to put cool water on my forehead and the base of my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement, but am unable to focus…or even care. Hyunjin goes out of view and Chris comes into view, my hand is pulled to his chest and his heartbeat is more noticeable than Hyun’s. He grabs my face so that I am looking at him in the eye and I begin to faintly hear him,” In, out, in out.”

He keeps a steady tempo to it as he continues to instruct my breathing and he hesitates to ask, “Would it be better if I hugged you?”  

I nodded, knowing that deep pressure has helped with attacks like this in the past for me, and once he wraps his arms around me, I am able to relax. My breathing doesn’t let up right away, and I am a little more aware my my surroundings, but I am able to request that he hug me tighter. I sigh out in relief once he gives me what I ask and I rest my head on his shoulder, noticing that Hyunjin had left. 

Once I calm down a bit more, he asks if I need a minute alone. I nod my head in response, needing to wet the cotton-mouth I have going on. He lets me know he was just going to be back in the studio whenever I was ready to come back. I rinsed out my mouth and walked out the door anyway, wiping the tears that gathered in my eyes. As I entered the dance studio, I noticed we had a few more additions to our little gathering. Everyone was here at this point, I made eye-contact with Chris as everyone still socialized amongst each other and signaled for him to come outside the door. I saw him grab my bag and say something to Hyunjin before following me out.

 He made sure the door closed behind him as I spoke, “I think I’m gonna head home, I’m just not feeling it.”

He watched me closely before taking a deep breath through his nose, “Not feeling it, or not feeling good?”

“Both?” I stated, unsure.

“Have you eaten anything?” He asked, knowing the answer already.

“No.”

“Let’s eat before you go home.”

“Chris, I’m not really-” “No, for my peace of mind, I need to see you eat something. Jisung told me how he found you and that you hadn’t eaten. You need to eat, even if it’s something small.”

I think about it before giving in and he’s driving us to a local cafe. 

Chris and I sat and ate for about an hour before he took me back to my apartment, walking me up. 

I felt the warmth of his body following behind me, guarding me…like I’m going to run at the first possible moment. I knew he was worried about me, he was the only one who really hid it well around me. And the past few weeks we’ve grown closer, we’ve gotten each other to open up and have even spoken countless times through text and over the phone. It was in this moment I truly felt feelings friends aren’t supposed to have for each other. I wanted nothing but him in my life. In this moment everything was quiet with him, the stress was gone when I was with him. I was happy and safe when I was with him. 

With him, everything was perfect.

I pulled my keys out of the pocket of my coat, in doing so my bag slid off my shoulder. He caught it, slipping it off my arm so that he could hold it. Before I could turn the knob to open the door, he softly grasped my upper arm, “Y/N, wait…”

My head cocks slightly to the side, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He looked like he was in pain, like, physical pain. I grab his hand off my arm, my fingers knotting with his and let out a hum in questioning, asking for an answer. He nods his head and whispers, “Yeah, I’m okay, I just…”

He suddenly pulled me closer to him, still speaking in a low voice, “Tell me if you don’t want this.”

“Want wha”

He kissed me, and it took a heartbeat for me to completely wrap my head around it and reciprocate but once I did oh. I parted my lips, asking…begging for more. I hear my bag drop to the ground as he brings one hand up my body to rest on my hip, the other on my jaw, the tips of his fingers curling in my hair. I pulled him closer by his waist, wanting our bodies welded together at this point. I take a chance and nibble on his lower lips, earning a groan from deep in his throat. My body filled with heat and I wanted more. But I didn’t get more. He pulled away, his body tense and shaking slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m okay, pretty girl.” He said to me, still holding me close to his body. For a few moments, we stayed like that. Until he pressed a few more light kisses to my lips, then my right cheek, left cheek, forehead,nose, jaw, and finally to my neck. I gasped from the sensation, my body still humming. 

He actually pulled away this time, leading my body back and handed my bag back to me, turning the knob that I had barely gotten a chance to unlock before he kissed me. He turned my body, pressed a chaste kiss on the crown of my head before leading me in my shared apartment.”I will see you later, pretty girl. Get some sleep, yeah?”

I nodded, pressing my lips into a fine line, closing the door as he walked away.

------------------

Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought!

[loubouskz]

strange things happen

han jisung x thick!fem!reader

description: tour just ended, and they were going back home. jisung should be happy and excited but can't help but be in his head. when he's told about the backrooms, he didn't really think he'd end up there, nor did he think he would meet a girl too. but then again, the strangest things happen to good people.

genre: strangers to lovers, the backrooms

warning: SMUT!, pov changes a few times, foggy in head space, anxiety fear, mentions of meditation, insomnia(in text but not mentioned), crying, panic attack, passing out, body insecurity, jisung being a sweetheart, somewhat fear of water, yelling, overthinking, kissing, making out, slight marking kink, oral(both receiving), the smallest bit of dirty talk, creampie

wc: 8.8k(somewhat proof-read)

a/n: idk why I wrote this!🤣 I just couldn't shake the thought of it, so I had to write it and now I absolutely love it. I tried my best to explain the levels they were in, basing it off the game: The Complex: Backrooms Found Footage. I think I did okay. tho choosing what skz member to write it for was hard but ended up choosing jisung. anyway, I hope you enjoy this! I would love to hear your guys feedback!❤️❤️

taglist: @hgema @jisunglyricist

--------

“what? you two honestly don’t believe in that stuff, right?” minho asked, placing his drink down. jisung hadn’t been listening to the conversation and looked around the dinner table. he saw everyone laughing and enjoying dinner while he was off wandering around in his head. the hyung line(besides minho who was sitting next to jisung) were finished eating and up and doing their own thing. while the maknae line were still sat at the table. they had just finished tour and were having a celebratory dinner party with the whole staff and crew.

“you never know what could be real minho.” jeongin said, shrugging his shoulders. jisung scrunched his eyebrows. “what are we talking about?” he asked, looking around the table. “the backrooms.” felix answered, leaning into the table. “what’s that?” he asked, poking around at his food. jisung didn’t really feel hungry, just more tired than anything. all he wanted to do was go to the hotel and sleep. 

“the backrooms are like an urban legend. its were you noclip out of our everyday world filled with people to a liminal space. there’s different areas or levels. the most famous one being this.” felix said, showing jisung a photo. an open room with yellow wallpaper and fluorescent lighting. “there’s been a lot of short films and documentaries to come out recently about it.” jeongin said. “but they’re fake.” seungmin cut in. “we don’t know that.” jeongin said, turning his head to seungmin. “basically you end up there, and you go through the levels to find a way out.” felix said. “that’s creepy.” jisung said as the two boys continued to show and tell him more about the backrooms.

the more felix and jeongin talked about the backrooms, the more fear set in jisung’s head. minho was starting to worry about him. “okay boys! i think that’s enough, let’s go enjoy this party before everyone gets too tired.” minho said, pushing his chair back to stand up. giving the two younger boys a stare, basically to say. shut the fuck up right now. everyone followed minho to the dance floor and processed to have a fun night. dancing the night away.

jisung could feel his body dancing to whatever song was playing. but he kept going back and forth in his head and being present while dancing. his brain had felt foggy for the last few days. even more now since the idea of the backrooms being real. he knows he shouldn’t believe it, but he can’t help it. the idea of being stuck and alone, going in endless loops, trying to find a way out…it scared him.

the party seemed to end quickly. though two hours had passed, it felt like six minutes. everyone cleaned up the areas that were messed up, and in a blink of an eye, jisung was in the van on the way back to the hotel. he doesn’t remember getting in the van and doesn’t even try to either. jisung took a deep breath and looked out the window. seeing the bright lights of the streetlamps and neon signs for the clubs, bushes and trees blurring at the speed. jisung just wanted to sleep. that’s all he needed. it had been a very long day, and he was ready for it to be over.

once in his shared hotel room. jisung took a long hot shower to relax his nerves. though he really didn’t do anything during the shower. he just stood under the water, forehead pressed against the cold wall till the water ran cold. jisung looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth for the night. he felt like he was seeing himself in third-person, and his body felt like a shell. he couldn’t understand why he was feeling like this. he’s been taking his medicine, never missing a day or night. jisung turned off the light and exited the bathroom. he removed his towel and put on a pair of boxers and his pajama pants on. not bothering to put on the matching shirt. 

he climbed into the bed and turned off his side lamp, ready for bed.  “you okay ji?” he heard minho voice ask. jisung turned his head and smiled at minho. “yeah, i’m fine man. just really tired and ready to sleep. can you turn off your light as well?” jisung said to him. minho gave a worried face but did what jisung asked with a nod. “if you need someone to talk and listen to you, you know you can talk to me. right, jisung?” minho asked out in the dark. jisung nodded his head, then remembered the lights were off. “i know. nothing’s wrong. i promise.” he said out loud before yawning. “night minho.” jisung said in a tired voice. “good night, jisung.” minho responded back.

why wasn’t sleep coming to him. jisung laid awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. his arms under his head. his mind and body had felt tired. he wanted to sleep, so why wasn’t it coming to him. he didn’t want to toss around too much, scared that he would wake up minho. the one thing he didn’t want to do was worry him even more. so jisung stayed still and waited for sleep to take him. but it never did, he watched as the sun came up and heard the city become loud and full of life again. he heard minho starting to wake up. jisung turned over and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

he heard minho get out of bed and walk over to him. shaking him to wake up. “wake up. we have to get to the airport.” minho said. jisung pretended to stir awake and sat up. “what time is it?” jisung asked. “6:43am. now come on and got to get dressed and packed.”

just like last night everything seemed to move fast but slow at the same time. jisung was dressed in his outfit for the day. a white loose fit tee, his black jacket, black baggy pants with his sneakers, dad cap, and face mask. when he blinked and looked up he at the international airport, everybody was ready to go home. he waved to the flashing cameras and stays that were there.

the group made their way through the airport, doing everything they needed to do to get to their gate in time. once they were there, got their tickets scanned and passports looked at. jisung was the last one. when he looked up to continue to board the plane, everyone was so far ahead of him. he doesn’t want to say he freaked out a little, feeling like he was getting left behind even though they were all on the same flight. but that is exactly what he felt. like his flight or fight response kicked in. he secured his carryon and jogged to catch up to the rest of his members, but the more steps he stook, the further they got. “hey chan wait up!” jisung called out to his leader, then he tripped and fell down. 

jisung closed his eyes and waited for the impact of the floor, but it didn’t come. he felt the wind starting to pick up. he opened his eyes and being to panic. this has to be a dream. jisung was free falling in the sky. he couldn’t do anything but scream and cry as the city buildings got closer and closer. he closed his eyes once again, waiting for death to hit him.

then he hit a carpeted floor, but not hard but definitely enough to make a thud sound…like he tripped and fell. jisung pushed himself up onto his knees and saw where he was. just like the picture felix had shown him.

open room, yellow walls, and fluorescent lights. he was in the backrooms.

no no no no this cannot be happening. “i’m dreaming. i must be dreaming.” jisung said as he did everything he could think of to wake himself up. he pinched his arm. hit his leg. slapped his cheek. hell, he even stood up and ran into one of the walls near him and fell down. “ow.” jisung said. falling onto his butt with his head hurting. jisung didn’t know what to do. he busted into tears as he ran. ran and ran. he felt like he was going in circles. everything looked the same! this can’t be real. he stopped and thought for a quick second where he should go. he yanked his face mask off. took a deep breath and continued to run. it doesn’t make any sense of how he could have ended up here. he wanted to be with his members. on the plane. going home. the tears blurring up his vision to the point where he couldn’t see. it felt like everything was closing in around him. he started to sleep black dots. everything went dark.

opening the journal in hand, going back to read what you wrote so you wouldn’t go insane and forget who you are. saying the following words aloud. what your name was. how old you were. your birthday. what year it was. the date it was when you got here. where you are from and currently living at. family, friends, and pets. what you were studying. etc. anything. you didn’t want to risk it even if it wasn’t going to happen. 

once you were done, you placed the journal in the pocket of the hoodie you were wearing. continuing down the nevering-end yellow halls. you don’t know how long you’ve been here, but it felt like years at this point. you don’t know how you end up here either, what this place was, or how to get out. the feeling of someone watching you never going away, even though you knew you were alone.

you turned the corner and physically jumped out of your skin. freezing at that moment. just ahead of you, was a person. a man lying on the ground. he looked to be passed out. you didn’t know whether to go up and shake him to see if he was okay or run. after debating with yourself, you decided to see if he was alive. you slowly walked over to him, taking quiet steps.

once you were right next to him, you squatted down. now seeing his face. you could see he was asian and around your age. his cheeks puffy and red with swollen eyes. you felt a sting to your heart. he must have just shown up here and most likely completely terrified. 

“hey are you okay?” i asked, shaking him on his shoulder. he groaned as he started to wake up. “come on, get up.” i said, shaking him a bit harder. his eyes fluttered open and saw me. i could tell panic set in. he quickly flipped over and scooted away from me. looked around and made a face before looking at me again. “i’m not going to hurt you.” i said. “how do i know that?” he said back. “because we are in the same boat and trying to get out.” i told him. he brought his knees up to his chest. “my name is y/n. what’s yours?” i said. “i’m jisung. han jisung.” he said. “well it’s nice to meet you, jisung.” i said with a smile. “do you know the way out?” he asked.

i stood back up. “no i don’t. sorry. if i did, i wouldn’t be here…where ever i am.” i sighed out, looking around at the yellow walls. “you’ve never heard of this place?” jisung said, looking up at me. “no. have you?” i questioned. he nodded his head slowly before standing up. “just last night, my friends were telling me about this place. it’s called the backrooms.” jisung said, “it’s where you clip out of our everyday world and you’re here.” jisung looked around the room with a scowl. he’s crazy. 

he brought eyes back to me and saw the look on my face. “you don’t believe me..” he said, taking off his cap and running his fingers through his hair. “no. that sounds too insane.” i told him. “there’s this place, a warehouse, a maintenance hall, pool area thing, house, and a lot more.” he said. “i’ve never seen any of those places you’ve mentioned besides this one.” i told him. jisung’s cheeks started to turn red. probably out of embarrassment. i breathed in, “how about we just stick together and find a way out.” i said. he nodded, “good idea.” so we began to walk the eerie room. 

“so…” jisung said, making me turn my head to him. “what do you do? i mean like in our world.” he asked. i smiled, “i’m studying at my dream university while doing part-time at a music shop on the side.” i expressed with happiness. “you?” i directed to him. “oh i’m a k-pop idol. i’m in a group called stray kids. have you heard of us?” he stated. “no sorry.” i said, shaking my head. jisung was telling me about himself and telling stories about his members. which i’ve learned that there is eight of them in total. “we recently just started getting really big these last two and half years. then covid came and we were stuck at home all of 2020.” jisung said. i stopped in my tracks. the fuck? 2020. have i been in here for that long? “my group and i just finished our tour called maniac.” jisung said, turning his head to look at me. when he didn’t see me, he turned around. 

“you okay?” he asked, walking back to me. “2020. it’s 2020?” i exclaimed. he shook his head, “no it’s april 5th 2023.” jisung hesitated to say. he furrowed his eyebrows, “what year did you think it was?” he questioned. “2019. i showed up here on june 9, 2019. i didn’t think i was in here for that long.” i cried out, feeling tears welt up in my eyes. jisung’s eyes widened. “hey hey, don’t cry y/n. we’re gonna get out of here. i promise.” he comforted, placing his arms onto my shoulders. a few tears fell to my cheeks. “none of that.” he said, quickly wiping them away with the knuckle of his pointer finger. “we’re going to get back home. alright?” he said. i nodded and sniffed, “okay.” i told him. jisung gave me a bright smile. “okay then, let’s get a move on.” he said, holding out his hand to take. i placed my hand in his and we continued on our way, trying to find the exit.

turning left and right, going straight. all of it seemed to be the same, the same damn yellow walls with every turn and move. the quiet noise of the fluorescent lights buzzing. 

“i feel like we are going in circles y/n.” jisung said out loud. “i don’t think we are?” i said, more in a question sense. we did another left turn and were met with a dark dead-end. there was a crawl space giving off light. “should we go through it?” jisung asked, squatting down in front of it. i looked at the size of it and looked at my body. 

i was on the thicker size. a tummy, thick thighs and hips, big boobs and butt. i became overly aware of my size. starting to feel small and insecure. “umm, i don’t think i can fit through that.” i quietly told jisung. he looked up at me, eyeing me up and down then back at the crawl space. “i think you’ll get through. plus you won’t know unless you try.” jisung said in a nice tone. “will you try?” he asked. my head came up with a million and one thoughts in one second on why i shouldn’t do it. “as long as you won’t look.” i said, avoiding eye contact. “i can do that.” jisung said while nodding his head.

jisung stood back up and took a few steps back. i walked closer to the crawl space and got on my hands and knees. i looked back at jisung and he had both of his hands covering his eyes and turned to the side. i turned back to the crawl space and started to make my way through. my upper half made it easy, it was a little snug at my hips- but i got through. i stood back up and called out to jisung. 

“i made it!” i said loud and proud. “great!” he said. soon enough, jisung crawled through and was standing next to me. we looked around and the yellow walls were starting to fade into gray metal like material. “i guess this is progress.” i declared, walking ahead. “yeah.” he said, following by my side. as we walked further into the gray walls, we heard a ding. “what was that?” jisung asked. we looked all around us till my eyes landed on an elevator to the right of us, tucked away in a cornered with the doors open.

“jisung there’s an elevator.” i said, making my way over to it. jisung quickly followed. it was a small elevator, but both of us fit with a comfortable distance between us. jisung looked down at the button panel. “well there’s only one direction to go.” he joked. i looked at the panel and sure enough, he was right. we could only go up. “let’s get out of here.” i said, nodding my head. jisung pressed the up button. the elevator doors quickly closed and we started heading up.

“i just thought of something.” jisung said, leaning his back against the wall. “what is it?” i mumbled. “if you’ve been in here since 2019, how are you still alive? there’s no food, no drinkable water. have you even slept?” jisung asked. i looked at him with wide eyes. “i. i honestly don’t know. it doesn’t feel like i’ve been in here that long. maybe a few days or weeks? and i’ve slept, but it was to take a break from walking. not because my energy was low and i needed sleep.” i replied, trying to understand it myself. “wow.” jisung said in pure awe. “i hope you’re not here for as long as i’ve been.” i added, just as the doors opened up. “i hope so too, but then again. i think we are going to get out of here. a lot sooner.” he said with a smile as he exited the elevator.

i followed behind him and to my surprise. we were in a completely different place. the walls were now white tiles, our shoes echoing throughout the hall. soon we came out to an open room with water. “this was the pool area i was talking about!” jisung exclaimed, giving me another one of those big smiles. i felt butterflies dance around in my stomach. god, does he have a killer smile. wait no, don’t think like that y/n. just because this is the person, especially male. does not mean you can form a crush on him.

jisung walked over to the railing and looked down to the right. i came up beside him and looked the same way. he turned his head to me. “do you believe me now.” he said, more in a statement. i could only nod my head. he pushed off the railing and walked behind me. “someone was here.” jisung said. i turned around and looked to see what he saw. there was a blanket on the floor. “so we’re not alone?” i asked. “either we’re not or that person already got out.” jisung said, “but if they are still here, let’s hope they’re as nice as you.” he added, turning around to face to water again.

“i think we are going to have to walk through the water.” jisung stated, going to the steps into the water. i slowly walked over to the steps and watched as he got in. “does it get deeper?” i asked. jisung brought his eyes to mine. “can’t swim?” he asked. “i can doggy paddle, but that’s about it.” i said. jisung rose his hand from his side. “don’t worry.” he said. i made my way down the steps and put my hand his. his hand was so soft and warm. i looked up at him. “i won’t let you go.” jisung promised.

the water covered the bottom half of our legs. deep enough to slush the water around but shallow enough to walk in. as we made our way through the water, there was an opening on the right but there was also another crawl space. jisung turned to me and i shook my head. “not that one.” i pleaded. “we don’t have to.” jisung responded, squeezing my hand. so we took the right hall, which was a little dark considering there was no light other than the sunlight at the end…if you could even call it that. whatever it was.

we slowly made our way to the end of the hall where there was a big circular column and a set of curvy steps out of the water. we quickly started up the stairs to get out of the water, jisung letting me go first. once i reached the top, there was another elevator. “if the rest of this easy to get out of, we’ll be home in no time.” i said, looking back at jisung. jisung looked back down at me and smiled. i glanced down at his lips and back up at his eyes, seeing he did the same thing. “yeah.” he whispered, a ding from the elevator made us jump.

jisung cleared his throat and guided out his hand to let me enter the elevator first. once we were both inside, i pushed the up button this time and watched as the doors closed once again. there was a bit of awkward silence. “tell me more about yourself, y/n. about things you want to do and achieve in life.” jisung said, looking down at his feet. i thought about it for a second and then told him a mini version of my life story and my goals and dreams.

jisung was laughing his butt off by the time the elevator doors opened, making me giggle. we looked out the doors and saw a mall, our laughter dropping at the slight of it. we stepped out and carefully eyed our surroundings. there was an empty fountain, newspaper and random magazines scattered around the floor, dark and quiet like every place has been.  just our shoes making the most noise. we made our way forward, jisung noticing a map hung on the wall.

“do you can this will help us?” jisung asked. “i don’t know.” i said, trying to read the map. “i can’t tell what it says.” i added, looking at jisung. “me neither.” he sighed out. we walked around, not really finding anything. just more dark, dimly lit halls and rooms and rarely stuff in them. besides a chair or two.

we entered the last hall, leading us to something different. “at least we can kinda tell where we are. better than the yellow room.” jisung said, making me smile, “yeah, you’re right about that.” i replied. then my eyes caught a glimpse at something ahead of us. “is that a red light?” i asked, picking up my pace a little. that’s new. we looked at the little hall where the red light was coming from, but it lead no where.

so we just continued walking forward. making turns left and right whenever we felt like it, unless it lead us to a dead-end. to help pass the time we came up with jokes and telling embarrassing stories. 

it was easy talking jisung, even if i had just met him. it felt like we had been friends for awhile. for once and surprisingly, i was happy i was stuck in here and that this happened to me. because i would have never been able to meet han jisung and get to know him for him. as terrible as it is. having someone with me, him with him, made me feel a lot better. 

“hey y/n!” jisung shouted, “come here, i think i found the way to the elevator!” i quickly turned around and followed jisung down a narrow hall with random turns. it opened up to a small cafeteria thing with the elevator on the left wall to the back. 

“we are making so much progress!” jisung said happily and ran over to the elevator. bouncing up and down like a little kid. i laughed as i made my way over to him and stood next to him. “how many levels are there?” i asked him as the elevator dinged. “i don’t know, but hopefully not too many.” he said as we stepped in the elevator for the third time. 

the doors opened up to a hotel with chairs thrown everywhere, lit up by the wall sconces. “well this level it a bit more creepy.” i stated out loud. we left the elevator and went to the right. “it says there’s a dining hall, maybe there’s food there.” jisung said. “are you actually hungry?” i questioned. “no, but it would be nice to eat something right now.” jisung said with a smile. soon enough, we came into the dining hall. 

“shit there’s nothing in here.” jisung whined. i walked over to the crawl space and looked in. “no where to go in there.” i said, turning back around. “dead-end?” jisung sighed. “dead-end.” i said back to him. he groaned as we pushed our way back the way we came to go down a different hall. we came across a small gap in the wall. jisung looked at me. “should we try it?” he asked. “sure why not. we have all the time in the world.” i answered with laugh. 

jisung fit like it was nothing. for me, it was a bit of a squeeze, but bearable. it was just another long hall, just very small and dim. eventually, it opened back up and the elevator was right in front of us and already open. “luck seems to be on our side, we’re going to get home in no time!” jisung said as we entered the elevator.

the doors closed and we only went up for a few seconds then stopped. there was a tap on the door. we both looked at each other. two more taps, jisung stood in front of me in case there was actual someone there. four more taps against the door before the finally opened up. chairs were blocking the exit the leave, the room completely red. we couldn’t get out.

“are we suppose to get out?” i asked, jisung slowly shock his head. he quickly pressed the button to go up so the doors could close again. slowly but sure the doors closed and we started going up again. jisung spun around to face me. “i feel like we are getting closer to go home.” he said with a smile. the doors opened back up and saw the yellow wallpaper. “why the hell are we back here?” i said, pushing past jisung. yellow walls, carpeted floors, fluorescent lights. I turned back to jisung to had a defeated look on his face. i felt my eyes starting to burn. “you’re a fucking liar. i knew i shouldn’t have trust you.” i felt my voice cracking in the sentence. jisung jumped at the sound of my hurt voice. “y/n.” he said, stepping towards me. i back up and shook my head. “no.” i said, before turning around. i walked over to a wall and sled down. crying and feeling hopeless. 

“there’s no way this is the same.” i heard jisung say. he heard him jogging around, i couldn’t even bring myself to look up to see where he was going. i’m such an idiot for thinking i could get out of this place. there’s no way out, just endless loops of different rooms all feeling the same way. hell it’s been five years since i got here. everyone probably thinks i’m dead by now. my family, my friends, my two roommates, everyone who knew me. thinks i’m dead. what’s the point of trying to get out of here when they think i’m dead and gone.

i felt a pair of hands grab my cheeks and push my face up. i saw jisung’s face with tears and a light smile. “it’s not the same y/n.” jisung said, he grabbed my hands and pulled me up. “come on, all we have to do is follow the beeping.” he said, dragging me along with him at a fast pace. we turned a couple a corners and i was first it wasn’t the same. just the color of the room. instead of there just being rooms entering rooms, there were also columns now and more space going up. i hardly had time to process what was happening, jisung just kept pulling me with him. stopping every now and then to listen. 

“what are you liste-” jisung shushed me. then i heard the beep he had been following. “it’s this way.” he said, making a left turn, then a right. the beeping continued to get louder and louder as we got closer. we turned around corner and was greeted into a big room with the elevator. the next part happened so quickly. jisung turned around, placed his hands on my cheeks again and gave my a hard kiss with passion. i yelped as i wasn’t expecting that to happen. i recovered fast and kissed him back, placing my hands on his chest which made jisung smile into the kiss. he pulled away, leaving his forehead on mine.

“we’re going home like i promised.” he said just above a whisper. i looked into his soft brown eyes. “i’m sorry i yelled at you.” i apologized. he shook his head, “no i understand, you want to get back home as much i as i do and when you saw the yellow walls again you felt lied to. i understand, i would have felt the same way.” he told me. jisung removed his hands from my cheeks and down my arms. grasping my left hand with his right. “let’s keep going.” he said, to which i nodded to.

we entered the elevator once again, pressing the up button. the door closed once more, the elevator moving up once again. jisung squeezed my hand, making me turn to him. he leaned in for another kiss which i gladly accepted. it started out as a sweet innocent kiss but became more heated. jisung pushed me against the wall, pressing his body to mine. making me moan into the kiss. with that small opening, jisung slid his tongue into my mouth. exploring every nook and cranny. he tasted like a muted minty flavor. i ran my hands up his body and to the back of his neck, playing with the hair poking out of the cap. jisung groaned into the kiss, rolling his hips into mine. i whined, pushing my hips to his. feeling his erection growing by the second.

“god, i want to fuck you so bad.” jisung said, once he pulled his lips away. my body feeling tingly, goosebumps forming on my skin. i shivered at his words. i went to respond but the elevator dinged and the doors opened back up. “if we can find a not so creepy area, i’ll let you fuck me.” i said to him, looking dead in the eyes. he groaned and gave me another sloppy kiss.

he interlaced our fingers and pulled me out of the elevator. we only made it a few steps before stopping, realizing how dark it was. we could hardly see each other. we continued walking but very slowly, not knowing what was ahead.

just a few more steps forward, a loud snap echoed in the room we were in accompanied with red lights shining the area. we were in the middle of a street with few houses following the side. at the end of the road was a tunnel with the elevator in the center of the tunnel. i looked around at the lights. the redness gave the feeling a not welcoming feeling, like more eyes were on us then the last time. we listened and watched out for any nobody that could be here, but there was no one. not even in the houses. we continued to the tunnel and made our way inside the elevator.

the doors opened to a clean white wall with oak wood floors. nothing on the floor, but a blanket up ahead in front of a window. jisung bent down to it and felt it as i looked out the window. “it’s completely cold, whoever was here hasn’t been here for awhile.” jisung explained. “i think we’re in an apartment complex.” i said. i remember that being one of the places jisung said we could turn up at. jisung stood up and looked at the window as well. just looking at it gave me an uneasy feeling. it was dark ‘outside’, only light coming from all the windows and maybe one of two lamps. jisung turned to me, “let’s keep going.” he said, nodding his way down the hall.

turn after turn we were just greeted by more dead-ends. coming back out of one of the last halls. before we could even make it fully, we stopped in our tracks. there right in front of us was a an opening. like the building had been cut in half. 

we got closer to it. “that would be a long fall.” jisung said as he looked down. i nodded my head. “yeah it would be.” i said. jisung looked at the other opening his could see. “do you think i could make that jump?” he questioned. my eyes widened. “please do not try to make that big ass gap han jisung.” i raised my voice at him. he turned to me, wide eyed. “yes ma’am.” he said giving me a smirk.

we headed back to where the original hall connected to the hall we were just in and the elevator door was right in front of us. like it just appeared out of no where. “well that’s new.” i said as we walked up to it. “yeah, let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.” jisung laughed out as we got in. “on the next stop do you think we can sit down and take a breather?” i asked him. “yeah sure. i don’t mind taking a break at all.” he answered back. 

the doors opened up again to flat land and a singular house. we seated out, taking in our surroundings. it was like we were on a small planet, you could see a slight curve where it circled down and around. the sky was painted in a dusk night with the sun already gone and the stars starting to pop up.

“you picked a good one, y/n.” jisung pointed out as we made our way to the house. the front door was open and a room directly the right of us. a chair and a blanket on the floor. we walked a little further into the house and right there in the corner to the left was the elevator. in front of it on the other wall was a door but it was closed. jisung grabbed the door handle and twisted the knob.

“it’s locked.” he said. “did you still want to rest or did you want to just go since the elevator is right here?” he added. as much as i wanted to go, i couldn’t stand the feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore. i wanted him. right here and now. i walked up to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. i leaned my face close to his, lips barely touching. “did you forget what i told you earlier?” i asked, never breaking eye contact. i could feel his hot breath on my lips. “no.” he said, stealing a look at my lips. 

i leaned in and crashed my lips onto his, him groaning in the process. jisung’s hands went for my hips before dragging them down and to my ass. giving it a hard squeeze. i moaned into the kiss, right before pulling away with jisung chasing after my lips. i giggled and grabbed his forearm, pulling him the first open room we saw. i pressed him against the nearest wall, connecting my lips to his neck. i pushed off his jacket as i left marks on his body. i bit his collarbone, getting my hand under his shirt and pushing it up. jisung quickly threw his cap off and slid his shirt off his body. i kissed down his chest and got on my knees. unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them. i pushed them down his thighs along with his underwear. 

his cock was already halfway hard. i spat on my hand and gripped him. jisung moaned, throwing his head back onto the wall. i ran my hand up and down, my mouth watering at the sight of him. i placed the tip of his cock on my tongue and licked up the bead of pre-cum coming out. jisung looked down at me and brought his hand on the top of my head. i opened my mouth and shoved him in. taking as much as i could. 

“oh fuck y/n.” jisung said as his body tensed up from the feeling of my warm mouth. i bobbed my head back and forth, loving how heavy he felt on my tongue. i moaned around his cock. i moved my hand to his balls and played with them. jisung thrusted his hips forward, making me gag.

“sorry.” he said, pulling his cock out of my mouth. he placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. “you aright?” he asked with worried eyes. i nodded my head and smiled. “yeah i’m okay.” i said. “good.” he stated as he got on the floor then kicked off his shoes and pants. jisung grabbed his clothes and laid them behind me. he gently pressed me back to make me lay down.

jisung climbed over me and kissed me as he ran his hands up my body and under my shirt. i froze and grabbed his wrists, making him freeze. “you wanna leave it on?” he asked when he pulled away. “just my shirt, everything else can come off.” i shyly told jisung. “that’s fine.” jisung said with a smile. jisung sat up, running his hands down my body to my sweats. “just so you know, i think you look beautiful.” he said, admiring every curve and roll on my body. i blushed at his statement. he pulled down my sweats and off my legs, taking my shoes off too.

jisung groaned at sight of my underwear, seeing a dark patch on the material. he made eyed contact with me as he laid down. coming face to face with my cunt. jisung placed a kissed right on top of my clit then gave a bold lick, sending shock waves though my body. he hooked his finger around my underwear and pushed it to the side.

he immediately dived in and started eating me out. i threw my head back as i ached my back. my hand found his hair and tugged at it hard. the sounds of his groans vibrated my body. i whined as he pushed his tongue inside my wet hole. I clamped my thick thighs around his head.

“god, you taste so good.” jisung said, spitting on my mound. he ran his finger up my slit before pushing it in. “gotta stretch you out for my cock baby.” he said in a gravely voice, setting up a decent speed. “want you to cum all over my hand.” he said before diving back in. his tongue playing my clit again. “oh jisung!” i yelled out. my breathing picked up as his added a finger, making me clench around him. “curl your fingers up.” i whined out. jisung did exactly what i told him to do. finding my g-spot quickly. i ached my back and angled my hips even more as i felt my orgasm getting closer. making me curl my toes and my legs start to shake.

“harder.” i pleaded, needing more pressure to help me release. jisung pounded fingers hard into me with every pullback curling them up. his tongue danced around my clit as my legs started to shake. “oh fuck, i’m gonna cum!” i moaned loudly. he wrapped his lips around my clit and hummed, which sent me head first into my climax- nearly screaming jisung’s name from my lips. he slowly removed his fingers. patting my clit a few times, making me jolt.

“i love how you scream my name.” he said, sitting back onto his knees. “want more.” i said, spreading my legs out. “i want you inside me, please.” i whined. “fuck, i love that even more.” he said, scooting up so he could line his cock up with my opening. slowly pushing in as he rubbed my sensitive clit. i closed my eyes, running my hands above my shirt. gripping at my boobs. we both moaned as he bottomed out. jisung steaded himself before placing his arms under the back on my knees, holding my legs. he slowly pulled out halfway and slammed back in. 

“fuck.” i whispered. jisung’s eyes never left my body as he began to keep up the pace. watching every closely at my body and how it was jiggle and moving with each thrust. “shit, i’m not gonna last long.” he whined out, gripping my legs hard. i clenched around him at how whiny he sounded. just the sound of our skin hitting the walls of the room and loud moans from the both of us. jisung let go of my legs and laid on top of my body. his hot chest moving against my hoodie, making it come up a little. placing his hands neither side of my head. his hot breath fanning my face.

“you look so good under me. don’t wanna stop fucking this tight little cunt.” jisung said, punching a hard thrust. i wrapped my legs around his waist and arm around his back, burying my head into the crease of his neck. from this angle the pubic bone grazed my clit perfectly. i moaned feeling my second orgasm coming up fast. “gonna cum.” i whispered as i dug my nails into his back from the pleasure. jisung’s thrusts became sloppy and more rough. “me too, where should i cum?” he moaned. “inside. cum inside me, i wanna feel how much you fill me up.” i cried out, he shivered. he wrapped his right arm around the back of my shoulders, pulling my upper half even closer.

“cum with me baby.” he whined, sending a handful of hard thrusts with him pulling almost completely out, only leaving the tip in. slamming his cock deep inside one more time, shooting his hot seed around my walls. triggering my own climax, clenching around him harder than before. he rutted against me, my body feeling like pulp. i slowly released him from my grip, jisung helping me lay down my upper half. 

he sat up and grabbed his soften cock, easing it out of my sensitive hole. both hissing at the feeling. i closed my legs as jisung laid next to me so we could actual catch our breath. i looked over at jisung who was already looking at me. we broke out into smiles and laughter. he rolled over placing his arm loosely around my waist.

“when we get out of here, i wanna take you out of a date.” jisung said with a big bright smile. i felt my eyes widen and cheeks become red. “really?” i asked, making him nodded. “are you sure you want to be seen with a girl like me?” i questioned, glancing down at my bigger body. “i don’t care about that. just the type of person you are and from what i’ve learned so far. you seem like a great woman that i want to get to know more.” he said, making me blush even harder. i smiled at him then had a thought.

“what if when we get out of here we’re not together.” i said. jisung took a deep breath and placed his hand to my cheek. “then i’ll find you.” he said quietly before leaving a gentle kiss on my lips. jisung pulled away and laid back down. “come here.” he sai, opening his arms. i smiled and cuddled into him, laying my head on his chest. 

after a few minutes of cuddling, we got up and put back on our clothes. we were standing in front of the elevator. jisung turned his head to me. “ready?” he asked. “ready as i’ll ever be.” i answered back. we hopped in and watched as the doors closed. “where do you think we’ll go next?” i asked him. “well from what i remember my members telling me. we could end up in a long straight hall and a warehouse. other then those two, i don’t know.” jisung said.

the doors opened up but we weren’t completely on the level we need to be on. jisung and i looked at each other with questioning looks on our faces. jisung looked out to see what the level was. then the elevator cart jolted down a bit. jisung stumbled back into me. i grabbed ahold of his sides as we both looked at the doors. then the cart started falling, making loud screeching noises and lights going off.

“jisung!” i shouted. fear filling my body, heart pounding in my chest. jisung grabbed ahold of my arms and tried his best to face me. “grab onto my forearms y/n!” he yelled over the loud sound. i did what he said and held on tightly. “we’re going be okay!” i heard jisung said. i didn’t know what to do but scream as tears ran down my face. i tried to take a step to jisung but my body didn’t move. that’s when i realized had i closed my eyes.

i snapped my eyes open and saw that we were no longer in the elevator. i screamed out jisung’s name as i panicked. jisung opened his eyes and saw what was happening. i felt my grip of my left hand loosening and sliding down jisung’s arm. “don’t let go!” jisung screamed. “i’m trying!” i cried out as the wind started blowing faster and faster. then the wind hit us from the side, making us spin. both my hands were now at his wrists. jisung digging his fingertips into my skin.

i kept slipping from his grasp, hands to hands. jisung was using all his strength to pull me towards him the wind kept picking up. i looked at him with teary eyes the best i could. “you’ll find me!” i called out. “i promise!” jisung yelled back with tears in his eyes as well. the wind hit us once more from the other direction, making us spin hard.

that time, i lost the grip on jisung. “jisung!” i screamed. “y/n!” he screamed back but he sounded so far away. i kept spinning as the wind took me where it wanted. once i’d stopped spinning i realized i was headed straight to the ground in an alley. nonono. i closed my eyes, not wanting to see the ground getting closer. i landed on a big pile of trash bags, tumbling down them onto the concrete. landing on my side. 

“ow.” i said, looking around me and it was dark. that’s when i heard it. a car. people. a town. i shot up and looked in front of me, just to see a car pass by. “holy shit. i’m back.” i whispered. i got up from the ground and made my way out of the alley. i looked both ways before deciding to go right. i went into the nearest store and asked where i was. i’m home.

i sat in the police station waiting for my family and roommates to arrive. jisung was right about it being 2023. everything. i wouldn’t have made it back here if it weren’t for him. thank you han jisung. i can’t wait to see what you've told me about you and your group.

“y/n!” i heard my best friend called out. i looked up to see them all entering the station. “oh my god!” i said under my breath as i got up and ran to them. i hugged everyone so hard with them asking a million and one questions but being grateful that i was back and safe. “let’s go home first. what i’m going to tell you is crazy.” i told them.

later that night, in my soft bed. in my bedroom. i looked up han jisung and stray kids. jisung described them perfectly. treated each other like brothers. i listened to their music as i fell asleep.

jisung hit the trash bags, landing straight on his back. he groaned in pain of the sun as he removed himself from the stink. he looked around a saw he was in an alley. walking to the end where the street was, he saw that he was back in korea. just outside of jyp entertainment. i’m back! he ran inside the building greeting everyone who had shocked looks on their faces. but he couldn’t care less. he wanted to see is members. he ran to the elevator then stopped, turning around and heading to the stairs. he pushed himself through so many flights of stairs. he opened the hall door and ran down to the practice room, hoping his brothers would be in there. passing all his peers, like members of twice and itzy. 

he nearly broke down the door when he opened it. making everyone inside jump and look. the boys had stopped what they were doing and quickly ran to jisung, hugging him tightly.

“are you okay!”

“you’ve been gone for a full week!”

“what happened to you!”

“did someone kidnap you!”

“we were so scared!”

“one second we were behind us, next you were gone!”

“where have you been!”

jisung just cried being home again. “you’re not going to believe me when i tell you.” he said. explaining the full story, leaving out the sex part. felix and jeongin’s eyes were about to pop out of their head. “jisung, don’t lie.” minho said, rolling his eyes. felix shook his head. “how would he know about the the falling out of the sky! we never told him that.” felix explained. “or elevator failing when you come back!” jeongin added. “if you really did show us the girl.” seungmin said. “i need my phone then.” jisung said. chan quickly got up and ran over to a table, grabbing jisung’s phone.

once in his hands, he unlocked his phone and went straight to instagram. he typed in her fist and last name and she was the second account to pop up. jisung tapped on her icon and went to her profile. he clicked the first photo and noticed that it was posted just a few minutes ago. i scrolled down and looked at the date of the last photo. june 1st, 2019 was her last post. 

jisung showed the boys the proof with the photos, old comments, the article from when she first went missing, where she lives in the world, and even read the caption on her newest photo.

‘i’m back home! i won’t explain to here because it will most likely be on the news. but i can’t help but so grateful to the person i met who helped get me out. thank you so much h.j. i hope that you’re back home and safe as well and hope that we’ll meet again soon.’

after that, the boys believe him. they spent hours talking, completely forgetting about practice. just wanted to be with jisung with the rest of the day. we went out and had dinner. everyone went back to 3racha+hyunjin’s apartment, played games, and watched a movie or two. before finally calling it a night.

jisung laid in bed, staring at his phone. instagram was open once again, but this time he was trying to figure out what to type to y/n. fuck it he siad in his head.

hey, it was easy to find you. we still on for our date?

a few minutes passed before he saw someone typing…

date, time, and where.

[cosmicalily]

୨୧ a Cherry Song Series ୨୧ As Loved By The Aces Series Navigation

A series of individual-member centred stories based on songs by my favourite indie band, The Aces, portraying different love stories, emotions and people.

Pairing: Minho x GN!Reader

Genre: Angst, friends to lovers

Warnings: Minho is kind of an ass, miscommunications, crying, mentions of nightmares, anxiety and panic attacks

Series playlist: Spotify

★ Track 2: M.H - Attention

I'm tired of tearing you apart, know your heart has had enough, it's obvious, you're starved for affection, and you need more, and you need more, you need more attention

“Do you want a pudding?”

You didn’t reply, staring into space from where you were sprawled across the couch. Minho shrugged, picking his own up and rifling around the drawer for a spoon.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” you stated.

Minho stopped in his tracks, the spoon he’d grabbed clattering onto the tiled kitchen floor almost comically, a stark contrast to the emotionless look on your face.

“What do you mean?” Minho picked up his spoon and ran a hand through his hair, walking towards where you were lying on the sofa. He moved to sit beside you, then thought better of it. He sat on the floor, looking up at you the way Soonie did when he wanted attention.

A tear rolled down your cheek, startling the both of you. 

“You’ve been out of the house before I wake up and you’re tired and go straight to bed when you get home. Half the time you don’t even spend the night here. Felix’s joking about staying over here when you’re at theirs, so he can get a nice bed and some quiet to himself while you pay the rent.”

Minho’s breath caught in his chest. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, well, maybe it's subconscious, or some shit. It’s not fair, though. I’m your best friend, and your roommate. I’m still doing your fucking laundry for you while you’re gone, even though you’re not here to cook for me, like our deal was. It’s so cold and quiet at night, and my nightmares have been worse. You know they get worse when you’re not here, Minho.”

He did know. He knew all of it. He knew what he was doing, he knew it was hurting you.

But why did he keep letting himself drift from you?

He knew why he did that, too.

“Well, if you’re not gonna talk to me, I’m going to bed. Enjoy your fucking pudding, Lee Minho. Turn the lights off when you’re done, and hang up your own laundry. I’m done.” You stood up, storming off to your bedroom, slamming the door.

He’d fucked it all up.

Three hours later, still in the same position on the living room floor, Minho heard crying.

It was quiet, and sounded muffled, which could’ve been the door, sure, but he was certain it was because you were trying to conceal it. Maybe the work of a pillow or your fluffy blanket, the one his cats were almost always perched on. He knew why.

The reason you’d found a roommate in the first place was because of your nightmares. You couldn’t sleep most nights, interrupted every few hours by vivid thoughts, a tight chest, and tears streaming down your face. Thoughts that wouldn’t fade, no matter how many TikToks you watched, how many cups of tea you sipped. Minho was your best friend, and he knew. He offered to move in. He comforted you at night.

He sacrificed a peaceful apartment on his own with his cats, enjoying his own company. He did it all for you, although he’d protest that it wasn’t a sacrifice at all.

But recently, since he’d been away so much, your sleep had been worse. In fact, you were pretty sure you were running on negative hours of sleep at this point. The worst part was, he wasn’t even busy. He just found excuses to be out of the house, out of your sight.

Minho knocked on your door.

“Are you fully dressed? Say something if you need to like, put something on.”

You didn’t reply, trying to suppress the hiccups that were slipping out of your throat.

“Alright, I’m coming in-oh, God.”

He’d never seen you cry like this before. Your cheeks were puffy and red, eyes glistening, still trickling with tears. Your breaths were uneven and shallow. He wanted to scoop you up and kiss every single part of you, even after the tears stopped, and then hold you forever.

“It’s not…a…nightmare,” you whispered between gasps. “I know…what…you’re thinking.”

“What's the matter then, baby?” Minho sat down beside you, rubbing circles into your cheek softly. He felt the way your cheeks burned at the nickname, biting back a smile.

“Missed you. I’m not good at being angry…I’m just sad. I can’t sleep, and I don’t want to rely on you so much…it’s not fair to you, and I feel bad-”

“Who said it’s not fair?”

“Well, I just thought-”

“I offered to move in with you. I knew what I was signing up for. I’m not sick of you, Y/N.”

You swallowed. “I thought you were fed up. That’s why you…kept avoiding me.”

“God, no. I preferred it when you were angry and blaming me earlier, Y/N, it made me feel less of an asshole, weirdly. I just…my feelings towards you have been a lot lately, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“That sounds like a very polite way of saying ‘Wow Y/N, you’re driving me fucking insane and I don’t want to be near you’,” you pouted. “Just tell me what’s going on, Minho.”

“I like you.”

Your heart thumped so hard you were sure he could hear it. Your hand moved on its own, pulling him down beside you. He landed awkwardly, then shuffled his limbs so he was leaning on his elbows, face above yours, eyes locked.

“I like you too,” you whispered. “That’s why I was scared I’d lost you for good.”

“I thought I’d lost you too, when you yelled at me earlier. You don’t usually cuss so much, baby, it scared me.”

“You called me that earlier. I like it.”

“Yeah? I’ll keep calling you that, baby, as long as you slap the shit out of me if I ever so much as ignore you again. I’m here, you know that right? No matter what. I’ll always be a friend.” he paused, biting his lip, not wanting to push further.

“Definitely not as a friend. You can’t just confess like that and play it off. No, say it properly,” you scolded, scrunching your nose playfully.

Minho rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance, but you didn’t miss the way his ears turned pink. “I’ll always be a friend, roommate, the best pasta chef in the univers-”

“Lee Minho.”

“-and yours.”

[annymation]

Deleted Ideas For The Kingdom Of Wishes

That’s right fellas, the Wish rewrite that was based on the scrapped ideas of Wish, ironically, had a lot of scrapped ideas, as one would expect from any story since the creative process changes over time.

If you’re new here, hi! Here’s my rewrite if you’d like to check it out, this post will contain spoilers of it.

So I’ll list these deleted ideas from the ones that got scrapped later on in the process of writing to the ones that got scrapped early on, okay? Okay! Let’s go! starting with the one y’all will most likely be mad at me for deleting or agree it was a bit too much:

Magnifico and Amaya turning into giants made of thorny vines in the climax

- We’re all familiar with these kinds of final battles in Disney movies, Jafar turning into a giant snake, Ursula turns into a giant, Maleficent turns into a dragon the list goes on

- My idea for the longest time was that after Asha and the kingdom sang “This Wish (Reprise)” the song would serve only for the people to wake up so they could run away, and Asha would have to fight the royals after they make huge rose vines grow to protect themselves and the staff from her, now that she showed she had powers of her own

- I realized while I was in the process of writing chapter 14 (the build up to the climax) that… The only reason I was doing that was for the sake of a reference, and that’s not smart, the references should be a bonus, not the point of the scene.

- Initially I was gonna have Asha defeat their giant forms by drawing herself with her magic pencil, thus making a clone of herself to distract them while she grabbed the staff that they were holding, and broke it. This would be a pay off to the buildup I made since the beginning, about Asha not knowing how to draw herself

- I wanted to remove the two giant royals but wanted to keep this detail of Asha drawing herself perfectly to signify how she grew and understands herself more… So I just changed when that happens.

- I had Asha draw herself to distract Magnifico in his “Fake out death scene”, though I was conflicted at first to have such an important moment for Asha actually turn out to not accomplish anything to defeat Magnifico… But then I realized that it doesn’t matter if he didn’t die in that scene, it was still a personal win for Asha.

- Finally, I decided to have Magnifico and Amaya have a villain reprise of “This Wish”, before it was just narration of me saying “And then they absorbed Aster’s power” and that’s lame, we needed a song.

- So we got the climax we got, that went through a lot of last minute changes, but hey, it worked out in the end didn’t it?

Aster Having A Panic Attack In The Cave

- … Let me explain.

- When Aster revealed that he knew Asha all his life, I initially thought about making the scene very intense, as in Aster completely loses it knowing that no matter how hard he tries he can never make her happy.

- I still have the dialogue I began to write for the scene saved, consider it a deleted scene:

- As you can see, Aster is revealing he knew her all her life not by talking to HER and complimenting how much he admires her, but rather he’s talking to himself and bringing himself down about how he’s a failure…

- That made Aster feel immature but not in a cute way, more in a “Im making this about me now” way, and as soon as I realized that I went “okay I don’t care if it makes the scene longer, Aster won’t be making this revelation through an anger episode” and it was the best decision I’ve ever made because the way the scene plays out in chapter 12 is way sweeter.

Magnifico getting partially blinded by Aster’s light for a few minutes

- This is just a comedic scene I deleted for time’s sake, but basically I initially wanted the scene of Magnifico seeing Aster coming down from the sky with his light shining upon all of Rosas to play out like this

- Magnifico Goes to open the window

- Because I liked the idea that the first thing Aster does before he even lands on earth is hurt Magnifico, it pains me that I had to delete this but it just didn’t fit the tone to make a comedic scene in that moment.

Aster Turns Human By THROWING His Magic To The Sky

- Listen I thought of this one WAAAAAAYYY back, early on in the process, before I had Asha and Aster’s whole relationship figured out in my head, so the idea of him kissing her to become human wasn’t as obvious.

- But there was one point that I thought about Aster just grabbing the glowing round rock he has on his neck, and throwing it away at the end of the story, and that would magically create the North Star… It’s a fairytale folks, doesn’t have to make sense

- But then it didn’t take long for me to realize “……… Wtf am I doing? I should just make them kiss.” And that promptly got scrapped

- It may not fit my idea, but hey, if you’re writing a Wish Rewrite where they’re just friends not lovers then that might work for you as a way to turn Aster human and create the Wishing Star.

Magnifico and Amaya Were Going To Have A Duet That Presented Their Backstories

- Yeah yeah I scrapped a villain duet, burn me at the stake lol

- But yeah that’s not their story, so their backstories hardly matter for the plot, I just had this cool idea about a song called “Careful What You Wish For” where they’d sing about how the world wronged them (in their eyes) and Mag would see the ghosts of his ancestors and yada yada yada it was a cool thought but I realized pretty quick it wouldn’t fit the narrative, so we got “Wish Away” instead, which is way better for the plot.

- Also as it is they got… Two songs, that’s more than your average Disney villain, I only remember from the top of my head Gaston having two songs, and I guess maybe Ratigan.

Asha trying to reveal to the people the king killed his brother

- Technically she did try that in chapter 10, but the king stopped her, thank god for that honestly because Asha had NO PROOF that he killed Florian so really she’d shot herself in the foot if she tried to reveal that to the public.

- Initially I was gonna have her try to prove that by arguing that Amaya was in the kingdom when Florian died, to which the queen would be like “Nuh-uh I wasn’t, I was with my husband traveling, far away from Rosas” and that would be the end of that cause how can Asha prove she’s lying?

- But I realized that’d go nowhere, and Florian ain’t relevant, he’s just a nice Mufasa/Snow White reference I made up, so bringing any attention to him would be a waste of time.

Asha Was Going To Be The King’s Apprentice

- Now that would be awkward wouldn’t it? Lmao

- So yeah, back when I began writing I was going in with the idea of making a story similar to Wish but just changing a few details, til I went full on “Screw it, I’m changing everything”

- Asha was going to be Magnifico’s apprentice because she wanted to learn magic, and because she wanted to learn the truth of why her grandfather seemed like he never got his Wish granted, to which the king just said the same lie he said in the rewrite “He wished for you to be in his life”, and although Asha thought that answer didn’t make much sense, she believed it.

- So Magnifico in this version would yearly train a new apprentice, these apprentices after mastering their magic abilities enough would be sent off to study magic in sorcery schools or to be assistants for other wizards… At least that’s what Magnifico told to his apprentice’s families.

- What would actually be going on is that Magnifico takes these young and passionate teens that dreamed of becoming sorcerers like him, mentors them, as in actually teach them magic for real, and not even dark magic just any kind of magic they wanted, so when they became powerful enough he’d steal their magic essence, to make himself more powerful.

- And then he’d just break their wish as a bonus and lock the catatonic teen in the dungeon.

- Asha would be his next victim, buuuuut she found out the truth of what was going on with him cursing the wishes and all that.

- Honestly I’m pretty sure that idea of the apprentices getting their wishes crushed was gonna happen originally in Wish, considering this deleted scene with this Flazino character, that got his wish crushed, and he was the Kings apprentice.

- It’s honestly a cool concept, but I preferred to have Asha be more against the system, and have no previous relationship with Magnifico at all.

- Also the idea that Magnifico has a collection of dead teenagers in his basement is like… Eeeeehh kinda too dark even for me yall.

Anyway! These were some of my deleted ideas! Hope you enjoyed and don’t feel like you were robbed of anything 😅

See y’all next time!

Thank You For Reading!

[suhnshinehaos]

treacherous : act three, part thirteen

…a spin-off to crush culture ! synopsis : after a couple of instances of accidental matching clothing, yangyang finds himself in a dating rumor with possibly the most famous person on campus : yn, the bassist of an up and coming band. yangyang doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. unfortunately yn, who has also built up a reputation for being cold as winter, does. pairing : liu yangyang x gn!reader genre/s : university au, student council + band au, fluff, angst, humor

act three, part thirteen : sparks wc : 1.5k song rec : sparks by coldplay

previous  ➤  act two, part twelve next  ➤  act three, part fourteen treacherous  ➤  masterlist 

yangyang wades through the crowded room with only one goal in mind : finding you.

the air is thick with idle chatter and the low hum of an instrumental of a dreamvision song playing over the speaker. the press conference had ended just about ten minutes ago, and all he could think of was the fact that you were going on tour. 

the first thing he felt was pride. you had come a long way from playing events at your university. he loved seeing you perform on stage, doing what you do best, with a smile on your face and light in your eye. he loves watching you, but not nearly as much as he loves you.

precisely why the second emotion, and the one that’s currently filling his veins in panic, is fear. yangyang knows what he feels. it’s the one thing he’s always been sure of. he knows how he felt in the weeks the two of you worked on a random project in your final year of university. he knows how he felt when he cut off contact with you, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. he knows how he felt when you walked back into his life a year after.

but you’re about to leave. you had told him how you felt before he cut you off. now he wonders if he could finally speak his mind and heart, and if you still had space for him in yours.  

“hello everyone.”

dejun’s voice cuts off his train of thought, his attention now towards a makeshift stage. it had been used for the press conference earlier, and he had been so focused in finding you that he didn’t even notice that instruments were being set up.

yangyang notices you scanning the crowd, looking for someone.

and when your gaze meets his, he knows that you found what you’ve been looking for. because he did too. 

he raises a hand to let you know that he sees you.

you nod back with a small smile, letting you know that you see him before you turn your head towards dejun.

“we hope you’re enjoying the night so far, we just wanted to perform a couple of song off our new album. out later at midnight.”

yangyang watches you play the bass for four songs. he notices when you close your eyes, completely lost in the feeling of the songs - a couple upbeat and freeing, a couple angry and cathartic. he notices when you turned your body towards your bandmates, mouthing the words dejun and mark were singing. you were electric, you belonged on stage. 

if anyone’s eyes were on him instead of the band, the would have noticed the stars in his eyes.

“this will be our last song for tonight. you can hear the rest when the album drops.”

yangyang hears you speak into the mic, the first time since you started performing. you end with a little laugh, looking down at your instrument before looking up to meet his eyes; like you knew exactly where he would be in the crowd.

because you did. 

you let out an exhale as one of the stagehands gives dejun his acoustic. he nods at you before strumming the beginning chords.

“i hope you like this one.” you speak before playing your part, your voice shakes at the word you. for a second you remember the softness in yangyang’s gaze, you know you aren’t referring to the crowd. you take a breath, and you begin to sing,  

‘ did i drive you away ? ’

you catch a glimpse of the time you two studied at ncit, at all the times you blatantly ignored his attempts of becoming your friend. you remember pushing him away, up until he brought food and medicine to your apartment when you had a headache. 

and you remember the time he was the one who pushed you away, but you couldn’t blame him either. you, more than anyone, knew what it meant to be with someone in the public eye. 

‘ i’ll always look out for you ’

dejun’s voice joins yours and you can’t help but remember the day he walked in your shared apartment, asking if you knew that yangyang was now working in a magazine. you subtly shake your head as the flashback goes on for farther, to the time you distanced yourself from him because of all the hate he was getting.

‘ my heart is yours, it’s you that i hold onto ’

you close your eyes, sing the words as sincerely as you can, hoping the words get through to the only person who’s meant to hear them.

he does, and yangyang feels his chest clench at the weight of his own emotions.

‘ yeah, i saw sparks ’

the moments flash by your eyes in one giant supercut : from the moment he stepped into the classroom with a hoodie that matched yours to the moment he shook your hand when the interview ended, the way his hand held yours a little tighter, for a few seconds longer.

the song ends and both of you are breathless, looking at no one else but the other. you knew there are cameras around, but you couldn’t care less about them.

you get off stage and immediately make a bee-line for him, politely declining conversations from reporters and other celebrities alike. your eyes search far and wide for his familiar face, your steps growing faster and heavier with each passing second. you don’t even notice that you were practically running into someone, causing you to stumble back.

“hey, i got you.” yangyang steadies you with his hands on your shoulders, and he doesn’t let go even as you’re now standing perfectly still.

you’re breathless, looking into his eyes. “i was looking for you.”

“i’m here.” he chuckles. “you can stop looking.”

“i know. it’s crowded here, don’t you think?” you shrug off his hands from your shoulders and walk past him, hoping that he follows you.

very subtle, he thinks to himself and shakes his head with a smile, but he follows you anyways.

you lead him to the company building’s rooftop. no cameras, no press, no label staff. just you and him, and the bright stars shining down to watch the two of you. instinctively you wrap your arms around yourself. the air is harsh and cold, and the nearly sheer dark-blue shirt your stylists gave you wasn’t doing you any favors.

you feel something draped around your shoulders, and almost immediately the comforting scent of yangyang’s perfume engulfs you. 

he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his slacks, standing beside you. “your presence is warmth enough.”

you roll your eyes and nudge his side with your own, before you could open your mouth to speak, he turns to you to ask a question.

“when are you leaving? for tour.”

“couple of days from now, but there’s still a lot to do… so this is technically my last night of freedom.”

“how long will it be?”

“a few months. there’s already a demand for additional shows.”

yangyang lets out a low whistle, turning his head towards the several buildings that surrounded the two of you. the lights are nearly blinding, the city below is alive, but it’s your arm brushing against his that overwhelms him.

“when you get back, i’m taking you out on a date.”

you look at him, and if he had looked back at you, he would have seen the complete shock on your face. he doesn’t, it is only you who sees the completely determined look on his face.

“it’s going to be long wait.” your voice falters. almost immediately you’re worried. the timing. the distance. everything else in between. while you could call and text every day, there’s no guarantee of that. and it wouldn’t be the same.

yangyang looks back at you, his gaze the gentlest you’ve ever seen, you feared you would melt on the spot. “i can wait. anyone who feels the way i do about you, as strong as i do, could wait an entire lifetime.” 

“i-” your words get caught in the back of your throat, not expecting that amount of overwhelming earnestness from him. this wasn’t the same yangyang you knew in university. you know it, and he knows it too. he’s grown into the person you need, and he’s not leaving any time soon.   

he drapes an arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer, planting a soft kiss to your temple. his lips hover just a couple of centimeters from your ear, his voice a low whisper, “i’ll be waiting for you, so come home to me. okay?”

you pull away from him the slightest bit, only enough so he could see your face and the sincerity in your eyes, “i’ll come home to you.”

from reese, with love <3

gy3 my beloveds,,,, to be loved like the way they love each other.... that is THE DREAM !! tysm for reading, only a couple more parts left for this series. as always, i'd love to know what you think- your thoughts/rbs/replies/asks are much appreciated ! hope you're all doing well and taking care :)

[cowgurrrl]

I’m gonna join the Charlie bus and please request her saying dada for the first time please 🥹

You guys love seeing crying dad!joel huh (me too 😈)

Charlotte Elaine Miller loves her dad. You know she does. She lights up when she sees him, giggles loudly when he tickles her, and sleeps the best when she naps on his chest. You know she loves him, but you have to admit that your heart does a flip when her first word is Mama. Joel was gracious and more than happy that her first word was babbled at and for you. Still, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t the tiniest bit jealous.

After that, every time Joel holds Charlie or tells her about his day, he makes a point to call himself Dada and stretch out the consonants in hopes that she’ll mimic them. She listens intently even if she can’t respond until you come through the door and then she’s screeching, “Mama! Mama! Mama!” He brushes it off. She’ll get there, right?

The next word she learns is El. One syllable for one girl. Ellie is ecstatic when Charlie points at her and yells, “El!” It gradually turns into Belle once she hears you call Ellie Bellie and then that’s the only way she refers to her big sister. But, it’s fine. Joel is happy. But like, seriously. How hard can Dada be? He doubles down on referring to himself as Dada and trying to get Charlie to say it but each time she just stares at him like he’s crazy. And he feels a little crazy trying to get her to say it. He’s half-convinced that she’ll never say it or that she’s doing it because she knows how bad he wants her to say it.

Then one night, when you’re fighting a cold and feeling absolutely awful, Charlie wakes up in the middle of the night crying. Joel gets up and walks around the house with her to get her to calm down, which she does but she refuses to go back to sleep. “Mama?” She asks as Joel holds her and he nods. “Mama’s asleep.” He says. “Belle?” “Bellie’s asleep, too.” She starts to get upset again once she realizing two out of three of her favorite people are unconscious and Joel panics for just a second. His guitar sitting in the corner of the living room gives him an idea.

He carefully sets Charlie on the floor and sits in front of her with the guitar in his lap. He plucks one of the strings and watches her eyes widen as she takes in the sight and sound. “‘S that cool, Charlie girl?” He asks, and she smiles. He strums a few times to test her reaction and gets secretly excited when he sees how interested she is in it. He plays an old song that he played for Sarah when she was around this age and smiles when he sees how happy she gets. Her little eyes get droopy and she starts nodding off as she sits there, almost tumbling over because of how tired she is.

Joel drops his guitar in his lap and grabs a chubby baby arm before she can fall over. “I got you, baby girl.” He says as he puts his guitar back in the corner and Charlie climbs into his lap. She yawns, rests her head on his chest, looks up at him with those beautiful eyes, and says, “Dada,” before resting her chin on her hands and closing her eyes again. Joel will never know why she decided to say it in that moment or why the music suddenly made it click for her, but he does know that he sat on the living room floor with her, tears in his eyes, as he rubbed her back and nodded.

“That’s right, Charlie girl. I’m your Dada.”