#but for fucks sake im hungry and my body hurts and im fucking tired

[krispiecake]

lol being poor and having things wrong with you is great. i havent eaten for most of the day cuz i cant afford anything rn and my college only covers £3 of college food which is a sandwich and a bottle of water, and when i get in tonight the only things i have require 30mins of prep and 40mins cooking but my chronic back + leg pain hurts so fucking much and i have no energy cuz ive been up for 12 1/2hrs straight at college with only sandwich and a fucking bottle of water

[lazywerebat]

Comforting The Uncomfortable !

Polyam! Lost Boys x TransMan! Reader

warnings; pre-t trans man reader, reader having period, reader having gender dysphoria, metions of blood, metions of period, mentions of reader having meltdown & breakdown, reader having meltdown, coming out as trans man to boys! ( if i missed anything pls let me know! )

word count; 9.6k

a/n; this is kind of self projected fic, also im on my period so i decided to write this. feeling v dysphoric too lol

would rlly appreciate if you like + reblog :)

You were getting ready for going out with your boyfriends. Boys would come pick you up since you don't own a motorcycle like they do nor you knew how to ride one.

You wore your binder, so now you could start with your outfit. After you got ready, you felt sharp pain in your stomach, you thought to yourself that you were just hungry. You felt it once again but more painful. You quickly went to bathroom hoping it isn't what you were thinking, when you went to check you saw red liquid on your boxers or what others would call it, period. Fucking hell, you forgot about that, you quickly changed your boxers and placed pad there.

You knew your boyfriends are vampires and that could smell blood but you didn't knew if they could smell period blood. You usually knew when you would got your period and told boys you couldn't make it then. You didn't plan on telling them that youre trans, you didn't knew if they will be alright with it or they would be disgusted about it, for fuck sakes you didn't even know how to tell them. You couldn't think about that without having meltdown nor breakdown. Your thoughts were distracted by sound of roars of motorcycles outside your house, it was them, you decided to act normal and just pretend you didn't have that shit.

You came outside to see them, all of you said your hi's and kisses, you went to ride with Dwayne,

“You feeling okay sweetheart?”

he asked with worry in his voice,

“I'm fine, don't worry love”

you replied to him, making sure everything is okay with you. He nodded and all of you went to boardwalk. Honestly boardwalk would be much more fun and comfortable if you didn't have this shit right now, your stomach hurt so bad, boys thinking its your hunger and trying to ask which food you would like to eat and you just kept declining,

“I'm fine, not feeling really hungry David”

you explained to him and boys with hope they stopped asking you that. You tried to enjoy night with them but you felt like you were going to collapse and have a meltdown, you just wanted to enjoy without feeling like this but with current problems you have right now, you just couldn't, probably never too. There were times when your stomach hurt so bad you wanted to hold it, you just didn't wanted boys to know that your not like them, when you would get that feeling, you would either cross your arms, put your hands in pockets or just anything besides holding your stomach. More time you spent with boys, more worried they grew with you, you never did this around them and smell of your blood would grew stronger. You were now in Pauls arms, your head on his shoulder, your arms around his waist, his arms around, he would give you forehead kisses and rub your back with his thumbs. Pain in your legs grew stronger and stronger, you just wanted to fucking cry, this shit reminded you that you were less of a man every goddamn month and you closed your legs which easied your pain little bit.

“What's wrong handsome? —”

Paul asked giving you kisses on your neck,

“— You don't seem sick.”

he stated while continuing giving you kisses, your body got closer to his, your fingers went fidgeting with bracelets that you are wearing,

“Just feeling tired Paulie, nothing serious.”

you gave him answer. Since you told him you were tired, others heard it too, they asked you if you would rather wanted to go to your place to just cuddle till your sleep, you didn't wanted to ruin their night like this, so you declined. At this point boys were worried about you, they told you all of you were going to your place and you didn't agrue with them cause it was pointless to agrue with four of them.

Once you arrived at your house, Marko went to kitchen to make you something to eat and Dwayne went to make you some tea. Paul went to your room to get your favourite blanket, David sat on couch so you would cuddle with him instead of cuddling with you went to bathroom immediately when you all came back. He thought you have to piss so he tried not to make big deal out of it, it still bothered him how you bleed and he didn't know why. You were in bathroom changing your pad cause old one had too much of you-know-what. You though to yourself that vampires infact cannot smell blood of you-know-what because they weren't asking you anything about it so that made you little euphoric. When you came back from bathroom, you went to get your cuddles from David and you just melted into his arms while one of his hands went to play with your hair. Marko and Dwayne came to rest of you, they brought you pasta Marko made and tea, you gave them a smile and started enjoying stuff they gave you. Eventually their patience with knowing why they smell blood and your stomach pains where getting uncomfortable and painful.

“Handsome, what's really wrong?”

Marko asked out of nowhere while looking at you, at that moment you stopped eating your food to look at him,

“Uh, I'm fine Marko, don't worry.”

you gave him an answer with a smile,

“Bullshit.”

denied Paul, he looked at you and you were getting confused,

“It's not.”

you said,

"Oh really? Everything's fine? Then why we can smell your blood? You gonna come up with come excuse for that one too?”

he harshly stated, your conclusion in bathroom you made, fell in water, vampires do infact can smell that kind of blood. You were silent, you didn't know what to say and they were waiting for your answer. You didn't know if you should tell them its some medical condition, that doctors don't know why it was like that or come out to them. Probably saying its some medical condition would worry them even more, so that shit won't work. Then coming out must be right answer for this, but what if they won't be fine with it? What if they won't love you anymore? What if they would thought you were weird? What if they're gonna be disgusted and wouldn't want to be around you anymore? Many thoughts of 'What if' were just coming and coming, at the end you didn't know what to say to do, so you just ran to your room, leaving plate and cup on table. You could heard them saying something but you couldn't manage to hear what it is. You closed your room door, ran in some small space, you were trying not to cry so hard but tears fell down your face, you couldn't really breath and binder is making it worse for you. You didn't want any of this to be happening! If you were born in right goddamn body, you wouldn't give a fuck about things that are happening right now, you could actually be happy with yourself and not worrying if you look like some woman or not. You just want this to end, that everybody forget that this is happening, that this is just a stupid fucked up dream. You felt arms around you grabbing you closer to that person, you couldn't manage to see which boy is from your blurry vision. They tried to calm you down, they were being gentle with you and this isn't first time they would comfort you like this. You felt that sharp pain in your stomach again and your hands immediately went to hold it. They didn't move you anywhere to not upset you even further, you felt another hand on your stomach. That hand started massaging your stomach, you also felt kisses on your face and damn all of that was calming you down. Once you calmed down, your body was placed on your bed with one of your boys. You were holding down onto that boy, others were around you making sure you felt calm and that you weren't going to have that again. After everything calmed down, your vision came back, your stomach hurt less than before. You saw you were in Marko's arms, David was on your right, Paul on your left and Dwayne wasn't in room. You were confused were he went,

“Where's Dwayne?”

you spoke with shaky voice,

“I'm here baby bat, don't worry”

Dwayne responded, you saw him coming in with glass of water and what you suppose it was, a painkiller. He handed them to you, you drank water and swallowed pill, you felt Paul giving you back rubs.

“Feeling better?”

asked David, you nodded and rested your head on Markos chest, you felt a hand playing with your hair.

“You wanna talk about it now or tomorrow night?”

Marko gently requested,

“I think now.”

you answered softly him, they didn't asked more questions or spoke anything, they waited for you to tell them all what's going on. You took a deep breath, you were going to do it once and for all,

“I know all of you already know that I'm a man but I'm not exactly a man like all of you are —”

you felt your heart racing,

“— I am a transgender man. I haven't started testosterone and I don't know when I'm going to start it. I use binder to hide my chest. I still get periods and thats why you all smelled my blood.”

you finished, you closed your eyes not wanting to see any of their reactions and you buried your head more in Marko's chest.

“Oh love.”

you heard Dwayne said that and rubbed your back.

“Transgender or not, we still want you.”

stated Paul,

“Yeah, youre still our boyfriend!”

agreed Marko,

“We wouldn't leave you no matter what.”

said David, you turned around to look at them,

“Really?”

you questioned, you saw them all nod in agreement and smile which made you smile too.

Rest of the night they were comforting you, bringing you everything so you could feel comfortable as possible. You were happy to have such accepting and supportive boyfriends. You were cuddled up in warm blankets cuddling with Dwayne, while David was massaging your stomach so it doesn't hurt that bad. Marko and Paul were trying to comfort you with coming up with comfortable names you could call your body and blood too. They all left before sun came up and you slept comfortably knowing you don't have to hide your identity from your boys anymore.

[standbyu-03]

I got you, babe

Pairing : Chris Evans x reader

Summary : Chris hasn't gone home for a long time. When he came back just for 2 days and had a fight with you.

Warning : angst, language, some fluff

Word count : 918

MASTERLIST

Pic not mine

It has been raining for 5 hours. There is no sign it’s going to stop. And y/n still not get home. Chris’s worry about hers, specially her safety,...everything outside seems too dangerous for her. That’s what Chris was thinking right now.

He’s sitting on the couch, waiting for her to come home.

Y/n slightly opened the door, she walked gently on tiptoe.

“Where have you been y/n ?” - Chris grinned

His voice is so clear and strong, which made y/n scared.

“Why do you care ?” - She said in not a sober voice.

“Are u drunk ?” Chris’s worrry and a hint of angry.

Y/n replied and giggled “No,.. not really baby.”

“It’s 2 o’clock y/n. It’s fuckin’ late. You left work about 9 hours. You didn't come home for dinner - which I cooked for u. You disappeared. I called you a thousand times. Check your phone, y/n. And now u come home when u tipsy? What’s wrong with u, honey ?”

He asked without a pause. Chris’s extremely sad now.

Y/n took off her coat, kicked her high-heels, and barked :

“Huh, so now u care about me ?” She smirked

Y/n didn't let him say another words. Y/n continued :

“You left me here, at this damn house for 3 months. It’s 3 months, Chris. You didn't answer my call or my text. Do you know what I’m doing in the past 3 months? I kept thinking “Did I do anything wrong? I said something I shouldn't say ?” Those thoughts, those damn feelings keep bothering me”

Y/n took a deep breath and continued

“And now, you came home for only 2 days and want everything to be the same as the old-time? You gotta be kidding me “

“Now you better sleeping in this damn sofa. ‘Cause I won't let u go to our room. Oh or just my room ‘cause for god's sake you haven't come home, our home for 3 months.” Y/n grinned and goes straight to her room.

No sooner did she came to her room than Chris heard some noises. He ran quickly to the room, opened the door, and saw y/n fell on the floor.

She kept holding her stomach, whispered sth “I..I...”

“Don't say anything. I know what’s wrong with you. Let me grab some pills for you” Chris said.

Y/n has a stomach issue which explains why her stomach hurts right after she drunk just a little alcohol. But today she drunk a lot, ‘cause she can get his face out of her mind, she misses him, every second of her life. So she took a risk, went to the pub with some friends, drunk ‘till this late.

“Now drink this pill. Don't you dare to drink any alcohol again. And go rest on the bed, don't take shower y/n. I will take care of u in tomorrow morning.”

Chris knows about y/n’s illness, moreover, he knew every detail about her sickness. When she feels tired, which foods she can't eat, what drinks make her stomach burns like hell, what medicines she should take in a specific condition,... Just like that, he knows her, he understands her body better than herself. And somehow just like that, she falls in love with him again.

She’s mad at him, hates him so much for not coming home for a long time. Sometimes when she felt tired, sick, or just wanted him to be by herself, but she just sat alone in this house, slept in the cold bed ‘cause without him, this home isn’t like it was. Lonely, sad, crumble is exactly what y/n felt in the last 3 months.

Then she started crying. “I miss you, Chris. I never stop missing you and loving you. How dare you leave me alone. I dont drink any drinks which include gas, I dont eat the banana,... a lot of things which I cant eat. But because of you, ‘cause I'm so fucking miss you, I had go the pub, drunk so fucking much whiskey, vodka, and so much more which i didn't let me touch it for my life.”

He kissed her deeply. She slightly opened her mouth, their tongues are constantly entwined. Her heart skipped a beat, just like the time was stopped when their mouth met each other.

He’s out of breath. Then he murmured, interrupted her talk “Im sorry honey. It’s my fault. I’m busy with my schedule. I thought you must be bored in this one-way relationship. The relationship you gave me so much love which I can't give back enough… I was thoughtless.”

“And...I... so afraid to call you. Just hearing your voice drives me insane. And I will jump to the plane, fly back here to your side. But I can't do that. I have to finish this work. So I let you choose. I let you leave me, I didn't pick up any of your phones ‘cause hearing you break up with me tears me into species. I'm a coward.” He cried...

“You’re an asshole.” She insisted.

“But the asshole I love. Always.”

He kissed her again. This time was more hungry, passionate. In his kiss, she felt she’s home again.

“I will make up for u. ” He insisted

“Just kissing and cuddling me.” She smiled “ Not that easy. You have to do more. I can’t forgive you easily. Remember that.”

“Yes, my princess. Everything you want.”

[chubbyjungkook]

Maybe i like it

It was a winter evening where Jungkook and his mother were waiting for Jungkook's childhood best friend and his crush  .Jimin had moved to Seoul since he was a teenager leaving jungkook in busan , they kept in touch after that so much year . Jungkook was moving with jimin after being accepted in university and jimin offered to move to his flat .

Jimin arrives running , even though they videocall pretty often jungkook couldn't help but staring at jimin's face , he always thought jimin was handsome but now he looks gorgeous . 

"I'm sorry for being late , the traffic was terrible , good evening jungkookie and mrs. Jeon '' he bowed and smile warmly at them 

"Oh god , jimin you change a lot since the last time i saw you , you are all grown up " mrs. Jeon chuckle while looking at jimin

"We both did , it's been so long since jimin hyung left "jungkook say the last part with a really fake sad tone making jimin laugh as he brush the younger's hair 

" well , just come here to leave jungkookie and my train leaves in 20 minutes " she sigh turning back to his son and hugging him tightly , jungkook hugged her back " Please jungkookie take care,ok ? Don't skip meals and sleep early , ok ? And don't forget to call home often " 

"I will mom , don't worry " his mom pull away from the hug and look at him grabbing his hand " I let jungkook come to seoul because i know you are going to take care of him and if you can try to put some meat on his bones , no matter how hard i try to tell him to stop exercising so much and skipping meals he just ignore me he is really stubborn " she laugh seeing her son look indignant expression 

"I'm not stubborn , mom ! " he pouts, offended , jimin laughs, " don't worry mrs. Jeon i will take care care of him and make sure he eats well " 

After Jungkook's mom left , Jimin helped the younger with his luggage as they looked for a taxi talking about things and how excited Jungkook was about his first day . The journey was really short when they arrive they were really tired 

"Oh man , i'm so tired " he yawns while sitting in the sofa " i can show you your room so you can unpack your things and get comfy " jungkook nodded taking his luggage with him , the room was clean and warm " this room look so comfy hyung " jimin smile at him " im glad you like it , im gonna order some food im sure you are hungry i call you when it arrives " jungkook hummed as he started unpacking his clothes 

Jungkook unpacked some all of his clothes and change his jeans into some sweatpants and a oversized black t-shirt , he went to the living room and jimin was putting the food on the coffee table 

"Oh jungkookie , i was about to call you to have dinner come on sit down " jungkook did at he was told while looking at all the food 

"Hyung isn't it a bit too much for just the two of us ?" There was a lot of food in the coffee table : 3 boxes of pizza,chips,chicken and coke its was a lot for just two people 

" I got a good discount , we can save what we can't finish for tomorrow, '' he answered softly. Jungkook shrugged satisfied with the older man's answer , he grabbed a slice of pizza and shoved it in his mouth , they were watching a film while eating .

When he movie was ending , jungkook squirmed uncomfortable he was so focused on the movie that he doesn't realize he had eaten almost all the food , there was still some slices of the last pizza and some coke in the coffee table and a lot of wrapped too 

" you can have the rest of the pizza if you want " jimin say as he push the box closer to the younger  

"You don't want it ? I'm full hyung " jungkook rub his swollen tummy trying to ease the pressure on his stomach 

"Nah , im full too " he lied , in fact  he just ate two slices of pizza and some coke " but you have a big appetite , i'm sure you can't fit the rest of the food in there " he poked jungkook's tummy , laughing when he saw the younger's cheeks blushed 

Jungkook  grab the slice of pizza and start eating it when he finish the rest of the pizza he was lean back in the sofa , his belly was really swollen and it hurts , the waistline of his sweatpant were cutting painfully into his tummy, he whined in discomfort , he feel like he was gonna pop , he try to rub his belly to stop the discomfort even tho it didn't help that much . 

"Are you ok , kookie ?? " when jungkook see his hyung face , his eyes were full of concern 

"I-i just eat t-too much "he blushed fuck he doesnt even know who he managed that much his belly groan in discomfort 

“oh kookie ...do you want me to help ?” Jungkook doesn't know how jimin would help him but he nodded , jimin lift him and put him on his lap and started rubbing his belly. The older´s hands feel good  easing the pain. He closed his eyes on pleasure ? 

He suddenly burped loudly when Jimin pressed a hard spot on his belly . His cheeks blushed too embarrassed to look at his hyung , he would probably be disgusted but jimin unbothered continued rubbing his belly he burped a few more times when the pressure on his gut stopped and it became a warm and enjoyable sensation it was confused but he really enjoyed it .

" do you feel better, Kookie ? " jimin ask on a soft tone his thumb tracing back and forth gently

" y-yeah , thank you hyung" he try tried to avoid his voice from being shaky, failing pathetically

"How about you go and rest ? I can't clean all of this don't worry " his soft expression towards him , he gets up and helps jungkook to get up too 

" ok , thanks hyung , good night " he smile softly at him 

" night kookie "he waved smiling him back 

Jungkook waddled slowly to his room ,he changed into his pajamas and he saw himself in the mirror looking at his swallow belly. He pressed his finger on it , it was still kinda hard from all the food . Fuck he had really overdid it , he had never eating so much and the thing that freak him out the most was the fact that he actually enjoy it , the warm feeling on his middle was almost pleasurable . He shakes his thought off and lying on his bed rubbing his belly until he feel asleep 

------------------------

The following weeks Jimin made sure Jungkook was being well-feed , making sure that he always had food near him and after all of those weeks of indulging some chances were seen on the younger's body .He had gain a noticeable amount of weight on this time , his adbs melted on a proud belly , his once muscular thighs were now thicker , rubbing each other when he walk , his cheeks had get chubbier making him look cute . Also his appetite had grow and jimin make sure he handle him some snack while he was doing homework 

Jungkook wasn't blind about his obvious weight gain which at the beginning was surprising since in his whole life he was fit but suddenly he gain so much weight but then he realized maybe he like how softer he had gotten or how much he liked the pleasure feeling when he is stuff to the brim

But jimin was also liking the younger´s changes , he had always been touchy with  jungkook but lately he couldn't stop himself from hugging or touching discretely his tights or just pinching his cheeks , he was just so cute and sexy for his own sake 

-------------------------

That morning jungkook had a class in the afternoon and he was currently struggling to pass his jeans from his knees ,getting out breath just by the small action but he finally manage to do so but now he had a new problem his plush tummy was getting on the way making it difficult to button his jeans , he sighs loudly as he started trying to button it when he hear the older knock the door 

"Come in " he answer as he continue trying to button the jeans 

"Kookie , are you ok ? "He ask in concern as his cheeks blushed at the younger on a way too tight jeans and his tummy making it hard to close them 

"Yeah , i'm just trying to close this jeans but it's so difficult " he mumbled as he sighs again 

"Can i help you , kookie ? " he says as he got closer to the younger as he saw jungkook nod " suck your belly in , it might more easier that way "the younger did was he was told struggling a bit but the older notice so he button the younger's jeans as quickly as he can watching the younger smile 

" Thanks for helping me hyung " he smiles trying to ignore how tight his pants feel as he sits down on his bed to put his shoes on when he hears a loud pop , he looks down realizing that he had popped the button making him blush madly feeling amazed about the fact that he got fat enough to pop a button but at the same way he feeling scared that the older feel disgusted by him  . 

The older eyes widened as his cheeks blushed too realizing how much weight jungkook had gain that he popped a button , there was a pregnant silent between them as the younger feel like he would break into tears if jimin doesnt say something but luckily he did 

He hope he wasn't reading the younger wrong but he always notice the way jungkook "discreetly " stared at his body at the mirror and how he enjoy stuffing himself so he decided to say was he always wanted to say to the younger

"Fuck …. Thats hot " he mumbles as got closer to jungkook watching the younger's cheeks blushed madly 

"Y-you think is hot ? "He ask softly blushing even more when he feel the older rubbing his soft tigh making him bite his lip softly

"Of course …. And i'm sure you do too , i haven't miss the way you look at yourself at the mirror or the way you enjoy indulging yourself so much , baby ~" he whispered near the younger's ear as he rubs the younger's tummy softly hearing him gasp in surprise 

"Fuck ,yes i do " he mumbles as he push his tummy against the older's hand 

"God , jungkook i like you since we were on highschool and now fuck you had gotten so soft that i can help my hand to myself " he hear the younger let out a small moan when he squeeze the younger's lovehandles

"I-i … also like you since highschool ,you had gotten more hot since there " he mumbles shyly as he feel jimin leaning forward kissing him passionately after pulling away to catch their breath as they suddenly heard jungkook's belly rumble in hunger making him blushed 

"Looks like someone is hungry already ~ how about you skip classes today and we order some food , uhm ? " he mumbles as he squeeze the younger's cheek 

" i like the idea " he chuckled softly as he saw the older grab his phone and order some fast food 

That night jungkook end up stuffed past his limits as he older rub the younger's tummy, pressing his fingers on it making him blench loudly as jimin mumble soft praises at the younger , jungkook was sure he could get use to it 

[whumpsideblog]

Previous Parts

 @im-not-rare-im-rarr @constellationwhump​ @justwhumpitwhumpitgood​ @maybeawhumpblog​ @lumpofwhump​ @whumpity--whump--whump​ @inky-whump​ @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​ @ihaventwritteninsolong​

 ***

 He didn’t know what was going on, as the vampire sat him up, gently coaxing him to open his mouth. He could hardly think, just follow what he was told. When he brought his wrist to his mouth, urging him to drink from a deep gash, he couldn’t recoil in disgust, he simply did as he was told, too weak to even realize what he was doing. 

 Alastair’s blood didn’t have that metallic taste that Silas knew too well from constantly biting his tongue and biting his lip. It was like drinking something rotten, it was disgusting and he was surprised he didn’t throw up immediately. In fact, he was surprised that he felt better. His vision was clearing again, he could sit up on his own, he could actually think.

 He could realize that he was drinking a vampire’s blood. 

 He jerked away quickly, but deep down he knew it was too late. He could feel it spreading through him, a horrible burning pain that started in his stomach and spread to the rest of his body.

 “Now calm down love, there’s nothing you can do to stop this.” Alastair said when he saw the panic on his face. Silas quickly scrambled out of the bed, trying to put some distance between them, but as soon as he tried to stand he collapsed to his knees, clutching his stomach. 

 “M-make it stop, please!” He cried, breathing frantically. The pain was unbearable, he felt like someone had stabbed a knife into his heart and twisted it. 

 “But darling, didn’t you ask me to save you? This is what you wanted right?”

 “I didn’t know! I didn’t think you would do this!” He screwed his eyes shut, praying the pain would pass.

 “Oh, how else would I be able to do it?” He’d gotten out of bed, kneeling beside Silas. “Just calm down and don’t fight it, it’ll only make it hurt more and you’ll never succeed.” He pulled him into his arms, and Silas collapsed against him. 

 “No no no no… this can’t be happening, please, I- I can’t-“

 “Shhh, it’s okay.” He ran a hand through his hair, trying to comfort him. It wasn’t working. “Once it passes you’ll feel so much better.”

 He had no choice but to ride it out. He tried to get away from the vampire but as always Alastair was stronger than he was. His head was pounding, that moment of regained strength and clarity had long since passed. 

 “I don’t… I don’t want this…” He groaned. “This isn’t real- this is a nightmare, right? This isn’t happening, it can’t be happening…” He didn’t try to hold back his tears, he wished he’d just let himself die. This really was the worst possible scenario to him, and the pain was excruciating. He sobbed openly, hand clutching Alastair’s shirt, he didn’t care, it didn’t even matter anymore. He might as well have been dead, hell, technically he was, or, undead anyway. He didn’t care enough to think too hard about it. 

 Slowly but surely, the pain did pass. He no longer felt the need to vomit, the pain that gripped his heart slowly faded away. The pain was replaced by exhaustion, he could hardly keep his eyes open and barely move on his own. At least he was mostly aware this time.

 “Come on love, I’m sure you’re tired now.” Alastair slowly helped him up, helped him back into bed. “You’ll feel better when you wake up.” He smoothed his hair back, kissing his forehead before going to get into bed as well. 

 “I don’t think I want to wake up…” He murmured, covering his eyes with his arm. He never in his life thought he would wish for death, but it certainly sounded kinder than this.

 ***

  The first thing he realized when he woke up that evening was how hungry he was. He was still tired, but Alastair was already up and getting dressed and he knew he’d be forced out of bed sooner or later. He sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He’d had the worst nightmare, being almost killed, forced to become a vampire. It may have been a normal fear of his but he didn’t typically have dreams about it. 

 “How are you feeling, love?” Alastair asked, coming over and helping him out of bed.

 “Tired…” He murmured. He pulled away from him, he hated having to be helped to get dressed when he knew he was perfectly capable of it himself. “Hungry I guess.” He shrugged. He took his time getting dressed, before going to tie his messy hair back. He never really did feel like brushing it.

 “Come here, you look like a mess.” Alastair waved him over, having him sit down in front of a vanity table. As soon as he caught sight of his reflection, he screamed. “Oh calm down, I haven’t even touched you yet.” Alastair rolled his eyes, while Silas jumped to his feet.

 “No- no, that was a dream, it wasn’t real!” He was breathing heavily, already going into a full panic. 

 “What? Last night? I have a scar on my wrist that says otherwise.” He laughed. “Now come here, sit down.” He gently grabbed his arm but Silas jerked away from him.

 “Don’t fucking touch me!” He shouted. “Stay away from me!” He felt like he was going to throw up, it was supposed to just be a dream, a horrible nightmare. He couldn’t be a vampire, he just couldn’t. 

 “Silas,” He said gently, though he grabbed his arm more roughly this time, “Come sit down, you’re getting worked up. Remember, you asked me to do it.”

 “I- I didn’t… I didn’t know…” He allowed himself to be pulled back, forced to sit down. He stared at his reflection with wide eyes. He hated to see himself start to cry, but not as much as he hated the sight of bright red eyes and sharpened fangs. This wasn’t something he could hide, it wasn’t something he could forget about and certainly wasn’t something he could undo. Unless he could work up the courage to kill himself, he was going to have to live like this forever. 

 He furiously rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, while Alastair pulled the brush through his hair. He knew he’d have to face Dahlia, he’d have to tell her what happened. It would be impossible to hide this from anyone.

 “Why are you crying, love? If anything, this is an improvement.” He braided his hair back, while Silas had a hard time responding through his tears. “You’re stronger now, you’re immortal, doesn’t everyone long for immortality?” Silas shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to look at himself. “Oh, and the best part of course,” The vampire set the brush aside, draping his arms around Silas’ shoulders and pulling him close, “You have no reason to ever try to leave me.”

 ***

  Typically if Alastair brought Silas to see her, it was because one of them did something wrong. She was confused when she was woken up though, Alastair dragging her out of the cage. She saw Silas on the other side of the room, but he quickly looked away, almost hiding his face from her. She had the feeling something was horribly wrong. Alastair left them alone, which was odd, but she hopped that maybe things would be okay. He stopped to say something to Silas she couldn’t hear, before leaving the room.

  “Silas…?” She yawned, slowly getting to her feet. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She didn’t have to see his face to know something was wrong, she always knew. 

 “I… I made a mistake…” He started. “I, I tried to kill him last night, and I failed, and it… it’s bad…”

 “What? You look okay… Silas, look at me. What did he do?” She asked. 

 “I… I don’t want to tell you.” His voice cracked. She approached him slowly, cautiously. She had an awful feeling about this. 

  “Silas…” She said softly. “I’m going to touch you now, okay?” She raised her hand, resting it on his arm. “Look at me, please?” He hesitated a moment, before finally, reluctantly looking at her. She expected a lot, maybe a bloody wound, a missing eye, a horrible gash, something like that. What she didn’t expect though was ruby red eyes in place of bright blue ones.

 She didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t hide her reaction, gasping and taking a step back from him. He turned his head away again, but she’d already seen his eyes, seen fangs, all the evidence needed to know what happened.

 “I- I didn’t want this to happen, he almost killed me, and I, I was scared, I couldn’t think, when he o-offered to save me I just said yes b-because I couldn’t think, I just didn’t want to die-” He was rambling, he was going to start panicking if she didn’t calm him down. Despite her own rising panic, she forced herself to stay calm, for his sake. She’d have time to freak out later. 

  “Hey, hey, i-it’s okay…” She said softly. “Here, come sit down, okay?” She led him over to a couch in the sitting area of the large room, having him sit down and sitting down next to him. She kept a hand over his, looking up at him. “Tell me what happened, please?”

  “I… I tried to kill him… but he woke up, and he bit me hard, he’d never done it like this before… and I was dying, I know for a fact that I was going to die and when he offered to save me I just said yes because I was so scared of dying I didn’t even think about what he would do…” He wouldn’t look at her as he spoke, his voice shaking. Her heart hurt watching him, more vulnerable than ever. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t want this to happen…”

 “Silas… please, don’t apologize… you didn’t mean for this to happen, I should’ve been there to help you, I shouldn’t have asked you to do it alone.” She squeezed his hand. “I promised we’d finish this together, I should’ve been with you. I’m sorry…” 

 “H-huh?” He looked at her, almost looking surprised. “No, no Dahlia, this isn’t your fault, please don’t blame yourself.” He insisted. She shook her head, blinking away tears.

 “I just… I can’t believe this happened to you… I wish I could’ve stopped it…” She quickly wiped at her eyes. “You’ll be okay, I know it, but… I’m sorry… I’m sorry he did this to you…”

 “I… I don’t think I’ll be okay.” He sighed. “I mean… I’m a fucking vampire now. I can’t, I can’t change this, I can’t fix this, if I want it to go away then I’ll have to kill myself and I just… I can’t, I don’t want to die!” He was beginning to panic again, running his hands through his hair anxiously. “How could I possibly be okay after this?!”

 “Well… you’re you. You’re very strong, Silas, you’ve always been okay, and I don’t think this will end you.” She assured him. “And… I’m here with you. I’ll always be with you, not matter what he did, no matter what you are, you’re still the same to me.” She tried to smile at him, holding her arms open for a hug. “Come here, please?” He started to lean in without hesitation, but suddenly stopped, pulling away.

 “It’s… not a good idea…” He frowned, moving away from her.

 “What? Why not?” She frowned, reaching for his hand again. He just pulled away though. 

 “I’m… hungry. I’m really, really hungry, that’s why he brought me in here, and I can’t do that to you…” He moved away from her slightly. “I can’t be like that, I can’t be like them, I don’t want to be…” She hesitated for a moment, she certainly didn’t want to have to do this, but if it was what Silas needed then she was willing to go through with it.

  “Silas… I know you won’t hurt me. If you don’t want to hurt anyone else, then you should do this now, before it gets worse…” She offered her wrist to him, watching him expectantly. “It’s okay, really.” She insisted. He looked to her wrist, only hesitating a moment before suddenly grabbing her arm, sinking his fangs into her wrist. She winced, biting down on her lip so as not to make too much noise. She didn’t want him to feel worse for this. 

 He seemed to relax as he did this, which made her feel better at least. It had been a long time since anyone had done this to her, in fact she’d hoped it would never happen again. She cared about Silas though, a lot, and if things got worse then he’d actually hurt someone, and neither of them wanted that. She knew one thing for sure though, as she watched the once human man she’d known for so long feed off her. She was going to make Alastair pay for what he’d done.

[scenarihoes]

it looks like your requests are still open, so I’m comin in hot wiiiith some spicy nonsense: how do you feel about a shinsou x reader nsfw scenario? shinsou’s got dirty-talking dom vibes to me and i’m weak 😩💦 if there happens to be orgasm denial/edging and/or overstimulation involved i would love you forever, just so you know 😉😏💜

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOF

HUUUUGE AUTHORS NOTE! PLEASE READ!

ok so. only bout half this fic is finished LOL i really really really wanted to finish all of it, but i really just couldnt bring myself to.. it’s like, done? but not entirely polished yknow? that being said please excuse typos and grammar issues in the second half.. again, im really sorry!

please enjoy what i have regardless! i promise its still, how do i say,

hot.

—————

Hour One.

With narrowed eyes and lips pressed into a tight line, irritation makes it hard for Shinsou to shove the key into the lock properly. He’s glaring at you from the corners of his vision, taking in your smug posture and the corners of your lips upturned mischievously. It’s just barely past 10 pm and he can already feel the draw pulling him in with every step you take despite his annoyances.

“I can’t believe you sometimes,” he says dully, hanging his coat on the rack while the door clicks shut. His fingers work his tie off his neck. “I should have known something like this would happen.”

You hum, bemused. “I’m afraid I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Really? You were practically eye-fucking me the whole night in front of everyone.”

“It’s not like they were watching me. All eyes were on you.”

“Exactly.” Shinsou grunts as he slips his shoes off and nudges them on the mat with his toes. “You wear my brain out, acting like that just for a reaction.”

You bring a hand on to your mouth, a fake gasp sounding. “Why I would never!”

Choosing the perfect moment, you bend down and contort yourself just right to bare your thong for him. Your short dress offers a spectacular view, along with your V neck that cuts just a little bit too low. He knew you’d pick that one, he really did. It always got him a little hot under the collar and you took every chance you could to exploit that little fact.

Before you can even start to pull your heels off, bend over with one hand pressed against the door while the other words at the straps, you feel palms suddenly on either side of your hips. Instantly you’re grinning ear to ear.

“You’re always doing things like this to me in public,” he speaks like it doesn’t matter to him, but it does. He’s so bothered and it’s exactly what you wanted. “Making me work just to keep a straight face. You’re lucky I didn’t drag you into the bathroom and make you walk back out full of my cum.”

“You would have liked that, wouldn’t you have?” Dangerous, devious, you press both hands flat to the wall and rut yourself against him. When he responds equally as lustful, you can’t help but snicker at him. “I thought you said you were tired.”

“I said you wear my brain out, not that I was tired. Besides, do you honestly believe you deserve to just get a pass for tonight?”

Already Shinsou’s half hard against you, tenting in his formal pants. The grip on your waist tightens and while usually this would be the moment he pulls away with irritated grunt, he holds fast. He lets himself grind against you in such a easy, languid pace. Your breath catches in your throat when one of this hands wanders away and finds itself grasping your forearm. Without much time to brace yourself your hand is yanked from the wall and brought behind your back, then your other arm follows suite. He nudges your chest to the wall and clicks his tongue when you giggle.

“Don’t you think you’re enjoying this a little too much?” He taunts.

“I would enjoy it a whole lot more if you started actually touching me.”

Suddenly you’re shoved forward, cheek hitting the wall. He holds your arms taut behind your back. “What did I say about getting off easy?” He damn near growls. “During the downtime between your little stunts I had a lot of time to think about what I planned doing to you once we got home.”

“You fantasized about me while conversing with your friends? Now, what would they do if they found out everyone's favorite hero had such a dirty mind?”

His hand leaves your waist and a sharp smack is delivered to your ass. You hiss between your teeth as he brings his lips close to your ear. “Probably the same thoughts they’d have should they find out said hero’s wife is such a cock-hungry slut.”

Shinsou can feel a shiver rippling through you while his teeth clip and graze the skin of your neck, one hand strong enough to hold both your arms tucked behind your back while other starts to explore further. His broad palm hovers only an inch above your skin and he makes sure you’re aware of the way he just barely misses your breasts. Only when you try to arch into his palms does he pull away and instead find his hand catching your throat.

“You’re awfully impatient. You’ve had the whole night to prepare for this and you’re already rushing?”

“I haven’t been preparing anything. I’ve been waiting. I’ve had to wait the whole night for this,” Over your shoulder, you glance at him deviously. “Waited the whole night just for you fuck me. You should consider yourself lucky.”

Shinsou’s eyebrows raise like he can’t actually believe what you’re saying. It only takes a moment of processing before the lights of his eyes darken, his grip tightening, and you nearly wheeze at his thumb and index alone cutting your breath off. “I’m lucky?”

Despite your position you still giggle. “I could have done so much worse.”

Something in him shakes, and then ruptures. It’s nothing in anger, or disdain, but it’s not soft either. He nearly let’s a growl leave him but for the sake of control, he withholds it.

“Worse?” Your body is pushed forward and held even tighter to the wall. “Believe me, I’m going to show you worse.”

————-

Hour two.

Funny how quickly everything can change in the blink of an eye. Seed to flower, sun to rain, spring to winter.

Deviosity to utter and entire frustration. Neediness, too. Neediness above all else. 

Your back would press flat to to his chest if not for the way you fervently arch away from him. Lips on your neck to suck dark marks into your skin, one hand eagerly fondling the mounds of your breast while the other makes sure to pay close attention in making sure the vibrating wand is pressed nice and tightly to your clit. Squirming is futile with the unrelenting vibrations- he’s got you stuck fast in your place. From the moment you were trapped against the wall by the frame of him, a promise to take you apart slipping from his lips, you were silently begging for something more than just the feeling of his clothed cock pressed between your legs. 

Even with the rush, he was sure that every step he made guiding you to the bedroom was calculated. The dress was gone long ago and abandoned onto the floor like it hadn’t cost you almost half a grand. Your heels followed suit but you didn’t mind that loss- they were starting to hurt your feet, after all. Your unsurprising lack of undergarments drove him insane but the man was able to hold back his ferocious need to destroy you right there. 

He even approached it with humor. From the closet he retrieved a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs you’d bought as a joke. You watch in both anticipation as well as disbelief when he approached, ordered you to put your hands behind your back. Of course you obliged without too much tenacity.  Make me, you wanted to tell him with a snarky grin, but the gleam in his eyes warns you that he just may. With ease he clips your arms behind your back, but the metal isn’t slapped around your wrists. He connects the cuffs on your upper arms and lets the fur sit snug, high enough on your forearms so that your chest is beautifully pushed outwards. 

“Since you’re so eager to show all this off,” he’d remarked as he climbed behind you, kept you on your knees and used his own to ensure your legs were spread. “Then you shouldn’t have a problem with this.”

The moment he brought a vibrator and pressed it between your legs, you knew you were finished. He himself knew it all, could count in his head how long it would take before you met your resolve and melted into a puddle of need in his hands. As he looks at you, nudges the vibrator just a little higher up so you buck your hips with a whine, he congratulates himself. It makes him laugh, unbeknownst to you.

An entire evening of being patted on the back for his latest success and this was his crowning moment. 

“Feel good?” He coos in a facade of sweetness. He kisses trails up and down the sides of your throat, eyes shut serenely. You whimper in his hold and a sickening grin plays on his lips, only to grow with every rattle of the cuffs. The sound reaches him like an upcoming victory, reminds him that you’re at his mercy all over again. How can he not get drunk off the feeling?

How can he not nibble your skin and roll the head of the toy against your clit just to make you gasp so cutely? You’re already shaking and it spurs him on even further, then suddenly he rolls the vibrator once more and your voice jumps an octave as it presses against your nerves at just the right spot. He holds it there, let’s you thrash and squirm as it almost becomes too much even before it’s entirely begun. You’ve yet to come even once, let alone feel the rapture he’s planning to bestow upon you. 

“Fuck, Hitoshi-” Your head tips back. “Fuck-”

This is his favorite part. He waits like a predator, listens to the ruggedness of your breathing, watches your hands curl into tight, useless fists. You’re already close and it makes his skin buzz as his plans start to unravel right there on the bed. Your back arches, you thrash, he waits for you to tense and then it’s gone. He tears the toy away from your rolling hips before you can reach that perfect high. 

Your reaction is feral and it lights him aflame. Aggravation and desperation looks so much better on you than any whorish dress you could ever even hope to taunt him with. 

Hands fisting and unfisting, trapped between your bodies, all you can do is curse his name while your release begrudgingly climbs back down. Shinsou laughs like a sadist and shifts demeanors as though he’s a damn actor on broadway- one moment someone and the next a different person entirely. The laughter dies into soft hums, his grin snuffs into a gentle smile and he kisses the hickies on your neck and below your ear.

Soft voice, tongue lapping at your skin. “Were you close?”

All you can do is groan in response, bothered at the loss of your orgasm. He tsks, reaches up and grips a hand to your throat. Someone else, now. 

“You should have expected this.”

“God, please, I was right there.” Your voice shakes and it only excites him. It makes him want to push you even further, but it’s all reruns. He’s taken you apart time and time again to the point where he’s turned you into the defination of the word mess, but damn if it isn’t fun to pretend it’s all shiny and new. 

“That’s the point.” He doesn’t want you to come down too far, so he turns vibrator down to the lowest setting and offers you just the softest of pleasure. You take it like a luxury, grinding down against feeling instantly to your heart's content. With the low setting, it’s nowhere near enough stimulation to get you off but fuck if you won’t try your hardest to get there anyways. Like a challenge, Shinsou welcomes it, grins against your skin and keeps his palm to your neck while you roll your hips. 

When you find that you really can’t meet your end, he eats up the frustrated whine you offer. 

Your begging comes as natural as day to night. It’s not babbles, you haven’t been pushed far enough. He snickers to himself. Yet.

“Hitoshi,” You whine, sweet and submissive. “Please let me cum.”

“Oh?” He breathes against your shoulder. “Maybe I will, just to watch you cry for me.” He throws you a line with evil intentions. “Tell me, are you sorry for what you’ve done?”

“Yes,” The depth of your voice let’s him know that you think this is all there is. An apology, an empty promise. “I’m sorry baby, please let me cum, I won’t do it again. I want to cum so bad…”

Hook, line, and sinker. 

Shinsou laughs.

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

———-

hour three.

it’s amazing just how much self control he’s gained over the years. had he been just a bit younger, he would have pounced the moment he pressed your body to the mattress and let the blankets fall in heaps around the edge. but, he’s glad he’s older now. glad he’s learned to really stop and smell the roses.

glad he’s learned to hold back just to take the back seat view as you practically fall apart in front of him.

with your face buried in your pillow, some of your pretty keens are slightly muffled, which is mildly disappointing. shinsou can deal with it, though. after all he’s much more interested in the way you’re still trying to chase your long since held off orgasm.

he’s still behind you but his demeanors had some altercations. he’s centered now, refocused. his hand drags the ever buzzing toy up and down your clit while you feebly try to match the pace with the rocking of your hips. he can’t imagine it’s comfortable with your arms trapped behind your back but hey, you’ve earned that. if anything it just enforces the idea that it’s exactly what it always was: punishment.

‘look at you, you’re a mess.’ he hums like he’s bored. ‘running your mouth about how my friends would feel if they found i was dirty minded, look at yourself.’

‘please-‘

‘don’t bother. you’ll cum when i say you can cum. until then, be good.’ he holds the toy straight to your clit and clicks it up a notch, tilts his head, watches when your hands curl into fists and your hips jerk. ‘think you can do that for me, hm? be good?’

you nod frantically and shake like a leaf. ‘y-yes si- fuck! yes sir!’

sir. it sounds nice in his head, he smugly leans back, that sadistic energy he started with resonating within him like a returning storm. he chuckles low in his chest and leans back so leisurely you’d nearly miss his erection should you sneak a glance.

he jumps the vibrator up to the highest sitting and he can’t hold back a grin when you arch and sob, rut your hips and still yourself until you’re finally climbing back up to that incredible edge. he lets you do it, too. he lets you moan and whimper and cry his name until you’re right there all over again. you’re trembling so hard it’s a wonder you don’t bust to pieces right there. your voice leaps higher, higher, you’re right there and pressing your clit flush against the buzzing sensation-

the pitiful scream that tears from your throat when he turns the toy off almost makes him feel bad.

almost.

tears spring from your eyes and he knows he’s finally won. you don’t even bother begging him at that point, face buried and cries muffles in the damp fabric of your pillow. it pulls at his heart in a strange way, but not enough for him to give in. not that easily. he just needs some assurance, a little confirmation that you’re his good girl and that you’ve learned your damn lesson.

he comforts you, pets his hands down the sweating curve of your spine and back up. you’re writhing in absolute need, aching for a release he’s been denying you for the better half of three hours. a deep, pensive sigh leaves him.

‘look at me,’ he says, and you do so without question. you look pitiful. crazy to think sex could turn you so pathetic before him. he runs his fingers through your hair, lets his eyes fall half lidded. ‘are you sorry?’

a hiccup leaves you as you nod. he nods as well.

‘and you’ve learned your lesson?’

‘yes sir.’ even through your choked sobs, you manage a steady voice long enough to answer him. it impresses him, brings a swell to his chest.

———-

hour four.

very gingerly, he nudges the toy against your clit and turns it on the lowest setting. you’re so over sensitive that you hiss through your teeth, eyes slipping shut, hips instantly rocking back against the familiar feeling. shinsou wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t trust him to let you follow through his time.

‘you wanna cum?’ he murmurs, and you nod, still trying to catch your breath while the intensity is low enough.

ah, what the hell.

he flicks it’s to the middle setting and sits back to watch you gasp and start to shake all over again. he torments you with that low vibration, lets you pretend to fuck yourself on the toy, rocking back and forth and stilling as it finds the perfect nerves to harass.

though it’s not the intensity you’d been begging for, he can see that it’s enough for you. your whimpers, curling toes and fingers, stuttering hips and twitching knees. you approach your end as quickly as it fell moments ago, but this time, shinsou doesn’t back down.

he lets you find the rise and the peak, and finally, finally the fall. god, how you crash around him. sputtered and broken moans spill from your throat like prayers, his name joining the mix in a beautiful chorus as you arch your back and rut your hips in tiny circles. you’re trembling but you’re still, the toy buzzing against your clit while your nerves travel in shivering waves of pleasure through the course of your body.

you’re babbling something through your ogasm as you ride it out, and only when he stops to listen does he really grasp what you’re subconsciously saying.

‘thank you sir, thank you, thank you, oh f-fuck, nggh- thank you,-‘

still rocking to ride the last of the euphoria out, shinsou feels pity in his chest when he gets the perfect idea. that same feeling when you’d first started to cry before him rises like a monument within him, but it’s not enough to deter his intentions.

you’ve still got a lesson to learn, after all. a little bit of tears was no promise.

as the last of your pleasure ebbs away, he remains where he is. he gets to watch like a spectator as your writhes of pleasure alternate and transform into a struggle to get away, hips cantering forward to escape the toy still remains ever pressed to your clit.

‘please- i can’t-!’ you gasp through your struggles to escape the pleasure, but he works you even deeper, works you ever harder. he jumps the intensity to high and holds your hips with his free hand just to keep you still while he presses it exactly where you can feel it the most. there’s nothing you can do but take it, the mind numbing pleasure, all too much as you’re forced to the edge all over again.

‘you can.’ he states as he watches. you arch and cry out through whimpered gasps, eyes squeezed shut, body tensed and stiff, you’re pushed into another orgasm before you even realize it. sharp keens make him wonder if you’re in pain, metaphorical stars dancing behind your eyelids. he pets you again as if he’s not the source of your agonizing pleasure.

‘no more, no more,’ you try to roll on your side to deter the feeling but shinsous got you in such a tight grasp that you can’t even rock your hips anymore. while your upper half is free to struggle in vain, your lower half is at his mercy. he makes sure you’re feeling it all as he lowers it to medium, only to jump it back to high when you’re finally able to start coming down.

———

hour four.

once more an onslaught of tears leak down your cheeks as incorrect please leave you. you cum again, and again, and again while he keeps his grip tight on your waist. everything feels like its too much, you’re shaking too much, feeling too much-

you cum again and something about the way you openly sob into the pillow makes him consider the simple concept of mercy. you’re so spent he knows you’re going to be sexed-out for the rest of the week, which in some ways, sucks, but this is too good to miss out on. the entire night had been perfect from the moment you boldly decided to tease him in plain sight to the instant you were beneath him torn apart by his very hands.

a deep breaths leaves him. you’ve learned your lesson.

‘good girl,’ he says, but he isn’t sure if you can hear him. he lowers the setting to medium, and then low, let’s you rut off the last of your final orgasm before he grants you the bliss of turning it off entirely. the very second you find yourself offered mercy, you turn to putty.

no energy, no drive, nothing left as you tip over onto your side and shake with the aftershocks. your arm tucks itself beneath you uncomfortably but your mind is elsewhere. given that it’s his fault, after all, shinsou decides it’s finally time to take care of you. he scoops you up into his arm and sighs deep into your hair, shuts his eyes and presses the latch on the cuffs that let you go free both metaphorically and physically. you don't even have the energy to wrap your arms around his shoulders. had there not been a lesson to be learned, he would have felt bad for pushing you so far overboard.

but this had been a lesson, so he doesn’t.

as he kisses the top of your head, he coos, ‘good girl.’ you pant and shake in his arms. ‘you were so good for me. are you okay?’

you can't speak, but you can nod, and so you do. slowly, languid in your exhaustion, you nod with shut eyes. shinsou smiles and breathes a laugh of relief, even though he knew you would be anyways.

his erection pressed against your back but he can’t bring himself to subject you to anything further. he very well could, gently fuck you and have you cum for him just one more time, but he decides against it. you’re beyond tired, and he can wait. what you need is a bath and 12 hours of good, deep, rest.

you’re still thankfully coherent as he gets up and carries you with him, bringing you to the bathroom connected to the bedroom. he sets you in the hardness of the tub and crawls in behind you, runs his hand through your hair and kisses the dark hickies he’s painted onto the canvas of your throat while he makes the water run.

he coos your name, and you make some noise of acknowledgement.

‘i love you.’ he murmurs, and if humans could purr, you would have done so. he smiled against your skin and whispers it again, three times, four and then he lets the hot water lull you to sleep.

the bath is warm against his skin, and he kisses the top of your head once more. 

the perfect night. 

[bakugous-abs]

Could you do a scenario where bakugou and the reader have a huge crush on eachother and they're both oblivious? Kirishima gives bakugou a dare to kiss the next person who walks through the door and at first he's like "what no, fuck off" then when the reader walks in, he's like "fine, only because you dared me to" thank you!!!!💘💖💘💟

Aaaaaaaa !! This was a cute ask and I loved it so much. I hope you like it! There was no gender that was specifically assigned so I made it gender neutral, I hope you don’t mind. It also got p long-Bomb

They sighed, picking attheir lunch food with the chopsticks in their hand. Their other hand rested ontheir cheek, pointer finger tapping on their cheek bone. They sighed again,this time, a breathier one, moving the soba around the plate and to the veryedge before picking it up and letting it fall onto the plate again

“You’re going to fillthe air with more carbon dioxide than oxygen at this rate, s/o” Kirishima said,picking up some of his meal and putting it into his mouth, his sharp and sharklike teeth easily tearing the hunk of meat to shreds 

“Oh shut it.” Theysmiled, putting down their chopsticks

“Are you still thinkingof him? Now? While you’re eating?” Sero looked at them with a concerned face,seeing their soba not touched 

“Ah, im sorry. I just,can’t stop?” They picked up their chopsticks again and grabbed some soba withthem, filtering it into their mouth and sucking them up, chewing on the noodlesto keep their mouth occupied

“No its just, this isthe third day in a row I haven’t seen you eat a whole meal because youve beenmore and more focused on Bakugou”

They chewed their food, their eyebrows crinkling as a confused and mufflednoise came from their throat. Had they really not been eating because they werethinking about him so much? Oops… that would explain the increased after schoolappetite and why they were so hungry at the end of the day. They swallowedtheir food, and voiced a part of their thoughts

“Have I really not beeneating?”

“Yeah. You should reallyeat bro, or i’m gonna have to start feeding you.” Kaminari butted in, liftinghis arm across the table with a piece of Yakitori that he picked today, sinceLunch Rush was lacking his usual favorite hamburgers today

They backed away, butKaminari kept moving forward. His efforts to make them eat some of his chosenmeal were futile, as a flaming ash haired blond came in unusually late,slamming his hand on the table, smoking and about to explode. His mouth wassculpted into his usual scowl and frown, and beautiful crimson eyes locked ontoKaminari

“They can eat their owndamn food, Pikachu! Now get your arm off the table before I blow it off!”Bakugou, s/o’s long time crush since the sports festival, yelled at Kaminari

He backed off, butinstead of a scared look, he was smirking at Sero and Kirishima, like he knewsomething s/o and Bakugou didn’t

S/o cocked their head atthem, but got distracted when Bakugou forcefully moved them over into the boothseat, but it wasn’t quite aggressive, more like a guiding touch to teach themto move over when he comes around. He placed his rather large hand on theirshoulder, not smoking anymore as he placed his other hand on their knee, movingthem against the wall

They made a small noiseof surprise when their entire body moved with ease, and their Soba was placedin front of them as Bakugous Tantanmen was put in their place

They could still feelBakugou’s hands lingering on their skin, even if they weren’t near their bodyanymore. It’s like his touch was being scanned and printed onto their skin,leaving a mark that would soon fade away

Their face became alittle warm. Why didn’t he just shove them to the side? He would have done thatwith anyone else? Maybe he’s tired. Yeah, he’s just tired, he probably doesn’thave the energy to be rude like that

They shook their headand picked up their chopsticks once more and put some more soba on them,dipping them into the sauce. They sunk into the dark sauce, soaking up itscontents before they were picked back up, dripping wet as they put them intotheir mouth, slurping them up 

“GUYSSSS!!!” A highpitched voice came running across the lunch room. The owner of the voice landedin front of the booth, revealing none other than Mina, a happy smile all acrossher face as her caramel pupils lit up with a new light contrasting to her jetblack sclera

Her voice scared themfrom the peace of their noodles, and for the 4th time this lunch period, theyset down their lunch and just opted to not eat anymore as they slid the tray tothe middle of the table, crossing their arms and leaning into the seat with ascowl resembling Bakugou’s on their face

“Hey, Ashido! What’sup?” Kaminari greated her, pulling a Yakitori ball off his skewer and chewingit as Kirishima greeting her as well

“Guess what?!” Sheasked, but before anyone could respond, she blurted it out anyway. “Aizawaisn’t assigning homework over the weekend so we’re free to do whatever wewant!” She jumped into the seat that sat Bakugou and S/o, pushing Bakugou intothem

His instincts kicked inand he reached over S/o with his right arm, grabbing onto the booth wall thatseparated them from the next booth over as well as grabbing the table with hisleft hand, preventing his body from ramming into theirs

By this time, S/o hadtried to take cover from Bakugou into them, holding their forearm in front ofthem as if to protect them from Bakugou falling into them. And when they feltnothing, they looked up, seeing themself trapped between the seat and Bakugou

Bakugou’s eyes weresqueezed shut, like he was anticipating himself to have crashed into them. Butwhen he opened his eyes, he was no more than a few inches away from S/o’s face.He could see colorful specks of similar color to their eyes in them, creating amystical glow. He could see their lashes, and he could feel their body heat

Unfortunately, themoment lasted no more than a few seconds before Bakugou’s face got a warm hueto it, and he turned himself around, giving Mina an earful as he tried towrestle his hand to her face, palms smoking as he was prepared to fire a shotat her

Bakugou’s head wasfilled with the image of their face. How perfect it looked underneath him. Howthey curiously stared up at him, as if confused by the way he put his armsaround them, shielding them from himself crashing into them with a hurtfulforce. Why did he do that? And why didn’t they look scared of him as everyoneelse would? Why didn’t they fear him?

They must be underestimating him, that’s what it is! They were underestimatinghim! His crush of all people was underestimating him! Damn… 

“Aaa!! Bakugou Im sorry!I’ll move!” Ashido screeched as Bakugou was still seething with anger, handssmoking as she escaped his grasp, going to the other side of the booth andweaving her way in between Kaminari and Kirishima

“You better be sorry! Ialmost just crushed S/o into a flapjack!” He yelled, pointing an accusingfinger at her while she hid between the two

“And why should you careabout whether you crushed them or not, hm?” Kaminari asked, holding a straightface as he continued to eat his meal. Everyone looked to Bakugou, staring athim for an answer

Bakugou opened his mouthto yell at him, but he couldn’t find the words to say, as the reason why wasbecause he liked them, but they were right fucking there!!!!! He couldn’t justsay it!!!! Even for as blunt and rude of a guy he is, this was something hecouldn’t say!!!!

S/o seemed to notice theuncomfortable and frustrated energy coming off of him as he couldn’t find ananswer, so as to not make their hopes run higher than they already were, theyturned to Ashido, asking her a clarification question

“Really? No homework?Why?” 

It seemed to cause a largeenough distraction from Bakugou as the table turned their attention to the pinkgirl, awaiting an answer

Her face lit up like astar as she sat back up, clapping her hands. “I don’t know!! That’s just thething though. Since there’s no homework tonight, what do you guys think about asleepover?!” Her hands clapped together excitedly, looking towards everyone“Ah, sorry, I can’t. My mother is coming down with a cold and I have to bethere all weekend to take care of her so my dad can catch up on workdays thathe missed.” Sero admitted sadly

“Aw, it’s ok Sero. Yourmother’s health is important, we understand.” S/o leaned forward, her bodyslightly pressing against Bakugous as they across the table and took Seros handin their, giving it a squeezeHis cheeks blushed barely noticeable, but he smiled and nodded. If Bakugou hadto be honest, he had to stop himself from relaxing his face to stare at s/o,seeing them able to calm someone down and brighten their mood in nearly aninstant was something he liked in their character, something that he couldn’tdo, but would be great for their hero work“That’s too bad Sero. I’ll come though Mina, I got you” Kaminari ate the lastof his Yakitori, sliding the empty dish to the middle

“And i’d love to cometoo Mina, I don’t have anything to do and my parents are gonna be out of townfor a few days in a business trip, so the house is gonna be a little lonelywhile they’re gone”

“Yay!! What about youKirishima? Bakugou?” 

“Sure, why not? Soundsfun” Kirishima put the last of his meat in his mouth, sliding his dish to themiddle of the table where s/o’s and Kaminaris sat, empty

“Like hell i’ll come.”Bakugou spat out, eating his Tantanmen in large mouthfuls

“Aw. Come on Bakugou!It’s going to be fun at Mina’s house! I’m sure of it!” they pinched his sleevebetween the side of the pointer finger and clamping it with their thumb,tugging it

“Yeah dude! It’s Minashouse for All Mights sake, you gotta know it’s fun!” Kirishima came in as well,leaning across the table with a little smile on his face seeing s/o’s realizinglook of what they just did, and seeing Bakugou not so scowly anymore

“Pleaaaase Bakugou?”Mina clapped her hands together and laced her fingers, holding them in front ofher as if to beg him

He growled, turning awayfrom S/o as he begrudgingly agreed to go

Everyone cheered as thebell to signal lunch time was over, and everyone grabbed their food and placedit in their respectable waste bins before putting the reusable trays into adrop bin, making their way to their next class

“Where are they?!” Minacomplained for the sixth time in fifteen minutes, not seeing S/o walk insidethe door yet. Bakugou and Kirishima had arrived for the sleepover early, andwere now sitting on the couch in more comfortable attire“Maybe they’re just running late? Did you try texting them?” Kirishima reachedfor his phone, ready to text them“I already did shitty hair.” Bakugou barked across the room, shutting off hisphone and putting it into his pocket. “S/o’s shitty fucking dog sitter was sickso they had to hurry and bring it to their aunts. They’ll be here in ten minutes”

“Ok… what aboutKaminari?”

“You really expect me tokeep tabs on the fucking Pikachu all damn day?”

“But you keep tabs onS/o?” 

“Shut the hell up shittyhair!” His face flashed into a red hue

Suddenly, Kirishima’sphone got a buzz, the screen lighting up with a message from none other thanKaminari

“Kaminari will be alittle late, he said he’ll also be here in ten minutes”

“Yay!!! They didn’t bailon us!” Mina’s limbs seemed to just shoot up in the air as she fell back intothe armchair, happy

“No shit, raccoon eyes”

The next few minuteswere spent in solemn silence, none of them realizing just how unalive the groupis without Kaminari or S/o here to lighten things up and cause a riot. TillKirishima suggested they play a game while they wait

“Oooo, what kinda game?”Mina asked, propping herself up in the chair right, sliding down it and towardsthe coffee table in the middle of the room

“I don’t know, truth ordare? Just something simple before they both arrive”

“Oooo, I haven’t playedthat game in a while! Come on Bakugou, get down here and play!” Mina urgedBakugou to the floor as Kirishima slid off his chosen couch, seating himselfnext to the table

“No way in hell am Igoing to play a little kids game-” He began, but Kirishima cut him off. “Great!I’ll start off. Bakugou. I dare you to kiss whoever walks in through that doornext.” Kirishima smiled a toothy smile, showing every single shark and sharklike tooth that Bakugou wanted to knock right the hell out of his head

“Excuse me?! Who thehell do you think you are?! No way in hell am I going to do tha-”His voice fellshort again as the door to the living room swung open, revealing S/o in a warmsweater and sweatpants, fit for the cool weather of the summer nights. It wasgreatly oversized, probably coming from their fathers closet rather than theirown, making them look smaller

“Sorry guys! Dog sittergot sick out of nowhere!” They kicked their shoes off at the door, closing itwith a click of the doorknob

Bakugou was shockedstill, Mina and Kirishima looking from S/o to Bakugou as they sat next to him.His mouth was stupidly agape as he looked at them. It wasn’t till he heardstifled giggling that he was released from his trance, eyes flickering toKirishima for a brief moment before he spoke

“Fine, but only becauseyou dared me to.” He turned to S/o, seeing them confused. He imagined himselfaggressively grabbing their face and turning their head towards himself, buthis actions were much more calming and less violent than his imagination

His hand reached out ashis scowl released from his face, becoming more and more worryful with everysecond that passed. They barely had time to react before his lips were placedon theirs

Mina and Kirishimawhistled at the both of them, watching as S/o’s eyes fluttered closed and theykissed back

Kaminari opened thedoor, hearing the whistling too as he saw the both of the them kissing, andjoined in too, taking out his phone and recording the scene

“It’s about time theyfound out! I was about to opt for plan B and just lock them in a closet!”

“There was a plan B?!”

[sunshineonamission-blog]

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way. 

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder. 

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing. 

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it. 

So. Sounds like you like to make shit. 

Yeah. 

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can. 

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2. 

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript. 

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots. 

Keep the conversation going when I need to. 

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something. 

Kick ass in acting tomorrow. 

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go.  - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there.  Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment. 

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker. 

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

 I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment. 

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom. 

Made eggs. 

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning. 

I’m so glad he’s auditioning. 

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week. 

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad. 

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves. 

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not. 

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in) 

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana 

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together. 

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t. 

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today 

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep 

Goodnight

[prismatic-gay]

you know... it really fucking hurts when you want to spend time with your mom, but talking with her feels like walking on eggshells...

one wrong breath and suddenly she’s yelling at you...

i mentioned needing to make an appointment to see the eye doctor so i could get a new pair of glasses since my old ones that ive had for 5 years now are super scratched up and i can’t drive without them- she proceed to start screaming at me when i mentioned that i would get an emergency pair online rather than throwing another 50-60+ dollars for an extra pair.

Then she acted like nothing happened, dropped me off to get food and got mad when i relayed a message from a family friend i ran into.

once again after yelling she wen’t back to normal.

then we almost get into an accident and she’s screaming and yelling and swearing and I’m actually fucking scared now. So i finally bring up the fact that i think she should talk to a therapist or a counselor since she’s been going through a lot this wear with health issues and stuff and just this year has been bad for the entire family.

i was just saying i was worried about her because i noticed she was getting angrier over the course of the year, and that maybe she should talk to someone. And she starts yelling at me again... and then she gets mad when i don’t want to be around her. But why would i want to be around her when im terrified to be yelled at for breathing the wrong way? I love my mom and I’m very aware of her health going down hill and i want to make the most of it. but fuck it hurts when i want to be close to her but she’s always so angry. I know she’s going through a rough time, for fucks sake she’s gradually losing the ability to walk and im terrified for her. and I know she developed anxiety and everything so i know its her anxiety but she never apologizes for anything and her yelling and swearing and just letting her anger consume her triggers my own anxiety to the point where i barely want to be around her for too long. ive only been home for 3 days and its already this bad.

I’m just so tired. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts plaguing my mind for months now. I just wanted to come home and relax after what was one of the hardest semesters of my life with an adviser who told me I was a bad student for getting a’s b’s and c’s, a professor who tried to tell me how my mental illness worked, struggling with an Eating disorder, dealing with my mother and father both being ill, with my father ending up in the hospital, and my mother gradually losing the ability to walk, severe body issues and being unable to sleep...  and i instead feel like im in a maze where one wrong turn is a step into a room filled with hungry lions.

I’m stuck between dealing with my own shit and being worried about my mom. and i feel fucking horrible because my mom is going through alot and my entire family is going through alot and i shouldn’t be complaining about anything but idk what to do anymore.... and i know she feels bad because she keeps trying to buy me things... and it hurts... 

I just want to feel like i can talk to my mom about almost anything again instead of feeling afraid to talk to her...