#but goddammit will they f****** try because nothing is more important to them than this person.

[gnp-sara]

If you know, you know

[charliedawn]

What is their reaction when they find out that they may have grown attached to you ?

You know how Jason can be very insecure and self-conscious ? Well. Prepare for a whole new level. He will check himself in the mirror when you're not looking, and if he doesn't like what he is seeing ? He will smash the mirror and go in a corner to sit and move back and forth, to give himself some reassurance. He still remembers what his mother used to tell him.

" Persons are a nuisance, Jason. You don't need them to survive."

But then, why does he feel like he needs you ? He feels conflicted as to what to believe.

Super jumpy ! He will jump almost every time you touch him or lose his grip of the things he is holding, often ending broken and splattered on the floor. He would be as clumsy as Jason and would want you to spend more time with him. However, he would also be scared of you breaking his heart.

" I..I c..care.."

Like many of your patients, Brahms has trouble finding his words. At first, many thought he was mute, like Jason or Michael. This is why hearing him speak to you always means it is important.

" I..I care.."

He wants to say many things, how he cherishes every moment you spend together, how you make his heart race everytime you are near him or how he wants you to be by his side forever..But, he can't. He can just hope that what he feels can be expressed through eye contact. You may not understand what he wants to say, but you still try to understand. You put your hand on his and reply with a compassionate smile.

" I care about you too. You are a very good friend, Brahms.."

Did you just indirectly friendzone him ? Possibly..You walk out and Brahms sighs before sitting on his bed while hugging his doll to comfort him.

" You turn me on."

He will be absolutely frank about it. He will just step up and tell you in front of anyone. He doesn't give a damn if the others hear him as well. Also, creep alert, will watch you sleep. He will sneak in your bedroom in the middle of the night and just look at you sleep. He wants to touch you so bad, but he knows that that would wake you up. And he doesn't want that. He will just admire you from afar, even pretend that you may like him back. He would just want to get close to you, to look at you and wonder what you may be dreaming about..hoping that you are dreaming of him.

" Oh my sweet..You look so perfect when you sleep.."

Now..You know how Five is very serious about his relationship with Dolores ? Well, you better be prepared by lots of imaginary fights between the two of them, and even a break-up ! *gasp* Drama. He would be in a very bad mood and would scream and attack everyone that approaches his personal space. He would also smash everything in his room. Like, everything. So much that the other nurses would be too scared of him and ask you to handle it.

" Hey. Are you okay, Five ? Did something happen ?"

He would snort and look up at you with visible frustration.

" You happened. Dolores and I broke up. Not that she was one to share her feelings anyway."

You frown in incomprehension before asking with a small airy laugh.

" I don't understand, what does that have to do with me ?"

Your question seems to trigger a nerve and he suddenly stands up to look at you dead in the eye with anger and, somehow, pain..

" Everything ! You're too nice ! Too forgiving ! Too perfect ! You wiped our past as if it was nothing, goddammit ! We're serial killers, Y/N! We're monsters and you treat us as if we were..as if we were.."

He doesn't get to finish that sentence as he seems on the verge of tears. He jumps on his bed to sit and hide his face behind his knees. You seem to finally understand the problem and sigh before sitting next to Five.

" It's okay to have feelings, Five. You can't hide them forever. I'm sorry if it upsets you but, I don't think you're all that bad. Sure, you kill and even eat people. But, I've seen you change. You are a lot less violent and a few more months ? And I'm sure you'll be out of here in no time."

He looks up at you again with a sort of desperation, very uncharacteristic of Five, before finally asking in a tearful voice.

" What if..What if I don't want to go back ? Out there, I'm just a freak. But, here ? I got.."

He doesn't finish his sentence, but you guess what he is going to say and smile understandingly.

"..Friends ?"

He doesn't answer, he only suddenly hugs you tightly and hides his face in your skirt. You hesitate before slowly petting the top of his head affectionately. The gesture seems to relax him, but he quickly straightens up and wipes his tears away. He then stands up and apologizes.

" I..I'm sorry, it was highly inappropriate of me. I'll..I'll let you work."

Before you could say anything, he runs out of the room and leaves you confused and worried.

Lots of uncontrollable laughter. More than usual. He is very nervous when you're around him and sometimes cries while laughing, showing that he is deeply ashamed of his condition. He is very bipolar and will sometimes act very casually around you, only to break into tears when you leave the room. He will stare at you and turn his gaze away as soon as you would notice.

" Well, would you look at that ? Sir Sh*tty the clown seems to have a little crush on the nice nurse.."

Pennywise would tease him about it while Penny cackles behind him. Arthur glares at them both before either ignoring them or leaving the room.

No. Nope. Certainly not. He will try to hide from you. He knows very well what he is feeling, and also what happens to the people he feels this way towards. He just managed to get rid of his curse, he is not about to risk getting on a murder rampage again ! Every time he would see you, he would pretend to be busy or hide. One time, he even jumped out the window to get away from you. It is very odd since Michael is normally the most chill and calm out of all the patients. But one look at you ? And he becomes a panicking mess. He has to get away. He doesn't want to hurt you like he hurt everyone else close to him, like he hurt his family..

" Me ? Having feelings ? Ah !"

One word: denial. He doesn't want to hear about things like feelings. He saved you ? Bah. It was only because he was bored. He will deny everything, but still follow you and pop up out of nowhere to see what you're doing. He enjoys talking to you, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

" Pennywise..You're staring again."

Penny would gently warn him as his big brother would pretend to not have done such a thing.

" Can't an old clown appreciate to look at nice things sometimes ?"

Penny frowns, not understanding his big brother's words until Freddy intervenes by popping next to him with a huge grin.

" Let it go, kid. Your big bro is just too much of a chicken to go talk to her.."

Pennywise growls in annoyance at Freddy before raising his middle finger at him.

" F*ck off Freddy ! At least I don't watch her sleep like a total perv !"

That would result in a fight that you would have to break. Again..

" Pennywise..I think I'm sick.."

Pennywise would admit some day to Pennywise that would sigh in annoyance.

" Stop saying stupid sh*t. You know very well that we can't be sick."

But, upon seeing the devastated face of his brother, Pennywise sighs loudly before turning towards him to focus his whole attention on him.

" Fiiinnneee...Tell me."

Penny's mood seems to lit up as his brother seems to be willing to listen to him.

" OK, so it concerns the nurse, Y/N. Everytime they are near me, I feel things in my stomach, like a million kids were kicking me in there..Everytime they touch me, I feel as if a part of me in my chest is about to burst and I feel warm, very very warm. And then, I feel very very bad when they talk to anyone else..It's horrible. I want it to stop..Should I eat them ?"

Pennywise stays silent for a while before saying with an unusual straight face.

" Penny.."

He starts, but Penny starts panicking as he sees the sour look on his brother's face.

" Oh ! It's bad, isn't it ?! What is it ?! How long do I have ?!"

Pennywise rolls his eyes dramatically at his brother's exaggerated reaction before cutting him off in his worried questions.

" Shut up, you idiot ! You're not dying. You're just feeling.."things" for them."

Penny stops talking and frowns in confusion, his eyes diverging in deep concentration, as if trying to understand Pennywise's words.

" Things ?! What things ?!"

He finally asks with his eyes wide open in obvious loss and Pennywise face-palms himself before answering with a loud sigh.

" You're falling in love, you dumb f*ck !"

At the word, Penny's face freezes and his smile goes downwards as he realizes that his older brother is right.

" Oh, sh*t.."

He curses and Pennywise frowns, as Penny hates curses.

" Language ! I'm the only one allowed to use curses, remember ?!"

Penny nods before asking in a worried tone.

" How do I get rid of it ? I don't like it.."

Pennywise can't help but feel sorry for Penny, as he knew better than anyone that there was no turning back..

" I'm sorry kid. But if it's really love ? You can't..like I can't.."

Penny's eyes widen at his brother's confession.

" You..You..love her too ?"

Pennywise seems to realize what he just said and groans before walking away. He didn't want anyone to know, even though Penny is his brother. Penny understands the wish of his brother to be left alone and starts walking out in the garden to think over what his older brother said..Could it be ? Could he really be falling in love ?

Bonus : The deal

The Horde is blindfolded and dragged to another room where a man and a woman are waiting for them. At first look, he can already tell that this man is one of the unworthy. The unbroken. The weak..His interest is cut short and he then turns towards the woman sitting next to him. Now, this one was interesting..Her eyes betrayed a much deeper complexity and she had a scar running from her forehead to her left cheek that proved she was worthy.

" You..You are broken. Rejoice.."

The woman smiles, but before she could start talking, her partner does it for her.

" Mister Wendell Crumb, we have a mission for you."

But Kevin only grits his teeths at the man.

" You are impure..I want to kill you.."

The man arks an eyebrow, but ignores his threat.

" Fine. Whatever. But first, I want you to be my spy. We didn't get you out of this prison for nothing, mister Wendell Crumb. We want you to be our little spy in the facility. We want you to find out how a certain miss L/N managed to control the patients outside of the facility. Do that, and you'll be as free as a bird..Do we have a deal ?"

He frowns, they wanted him to spy on a nurse ? She must be quite special for them to go to such lengths, to use him as a spy..Yes, quite the unique prey. The Beast was already impatient and Kevin licks his lips before nodding.

" Fine, but on one condition. When you're finished with her, I get to eat her heart.."

The request seems to take the man aback, but it is the lady that Kevin is looking at. She smiles coldly before nodding in agreement.

" Deal."

Kevin finally smiles widely and can't help the excited giggle that gets out from deep within him. Then, the dark and low voice of the beast makes itself heard as the smile grows almost ferocious as he announces. .

" Let the hunt begin.."

[finleycannotdraw]

Guess what? I’m re-binge-reading Good Omens. And here are some Obervations that I forgot about and some things I might put in fics. Also things I found funny. Basically my dumb commentary on the book.

Crowley actually flees Sister Mary. He doesn’t saunter vaguely away. He flees.

Ligur is rather more thoughtful than he’s portrayed in the show

Anathema likes to read about herself, and her teachers are confused because she spells words like Agnes Nutter

Crowley apologizes

By page 41, it is mentioned at least twice that Aziraphale and Crowley Do Not choose each other’s company for any reason other than that they are constants, that they have an Arrangement, and that they are Friends because being Enemies got boring.

Aziraphale blushes!!!!!!

The Drunk Scene is fuckin hilarious and it’s actually a lot longer than it is in the show, and really you ought to read it. (Book pages 47-50)

My mom (who has a PhD in human development) would probably like to talk to Crowley about upbringing because they seem to agree on how important it is

War has always looked 25, and had a vulture that died of fatty degeneration

Pollution is very cleverly compared to actual pollution

Warlock has Kermit the frog overalls, and Nanny Ashtoreth is described as someone who “advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”. The tutors are present for about four paragraphs. Warlock is good at math and likes banana flavored bubblegum.

Crowley has a slice of angel cake. Aziraphale eats it. Aziraphale also eats deviled eggs. Hm.

Crowley calls Aziraphale angel casually enough to suggest he’s been doing it for a long time

Some girl at Warlock’s party calls Aziraphale a f*ggot

Crowley glares suspiciously at a gerbil. It is suggested that Hell has, in the past, sent hell-gerbils in place of hellhounds.

“Oh dear,” muttered Aziraphale, not swearing with the practiced ease of one who has spent six thousand years not swearing, and who wasn’t going to start now.

Adam and his friends play in a place called The Pit, where shopping carts go to die, apparently

Crowley is the first one to mention sides in the book!??!? Also Crowley goes on about how humans are more evil than Hell (but he calls himself evil—is he calling himself human already?)

Aziraphale yells “get off the road, you clown!”

“What’s a velvet underground?” *love confession???* “you wouldn’t like it”

Aziraphale is a bit rude to Crowley in the “flashes of love” scene and Crowley is less panicked about it

Crowley glares at the Bentley and it fixes itself

Anathema’s bike is called Phaeton

COULD THEY ACT ANY MORE MARRIED OH MY GOD

Aziraphale speaks like. Like ugh. “FlOUndeR on tHe rOcKS of inEquiTY”

“Thirty seconds later someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.” *cuts to a random pleasant story about Mary Hodges* *cuts back to where Aziraphale has fallen into a rhododendron and Crowley licks the paint before he knows it’s paint* dumbasses

Crowley does not slam Aziraphale into the wall

Crowley is actually pretty impatient and doesn’t argue with Aziraphale when he’s worried

“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists” “that was nasty” “sorry, couldn’t help it”

When the radio sings “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,” Crowley sings “for me” and then screams

Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’ll keep in touch, and Aziraphale doesn’t say tickety-boo, and then Crowley says “right” and feels very alone

the international express man is small and has glasses, and wears green woolen socks

The sword, which turns out to be Aziraphale’s, is described as having an aura of hatred and menace, which makes me think of how it could’ve gotten that aura from Heaven or from humanity or from War...

In the book Pepper has red hair and freckles, which makes it a cool comparison to War’s appearance and the defeat of War

Adam is excellent at slouching, apparently

Occasionally, as Aziraphale reads the book, he would very nearly swear

“He wouldn’t have said ‘that’s weird’ if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins.”

“If you had told him there were children starving in Africa he would’ve been flattered that you’d noticed.”

“...that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” (151)

Wensleydale watches David Attenborough programs

Shadwell’s voice is described as “the color of an old raincoat” and seems to fake smoking cigarettes

Aziraphales cocoa is moldy and solidified by the time he calls Arthur Young, and has a thin layer of dust on himself too

Newt says that the walls look like nicotine and the floor looks like cigarette ash, and he suspects both are, actually, coated with these substances

Newt looks a bit like Clark Kent, and people seem to like Shadwell for some reason, much to his annoyance.

Aziraphale calls Shadwell “dear boy” on the phone

Agnes Nutter called God a daft old fool #goals

Adam is wayyyy too good at video games

Smelling Anathema’s perfume makes Newt uncomfortable

Adam suggests that Pepper ought to have Russia cause of her red hair (huh)

Anathema and Newt actually have decent conversations?? Like?? Show??? C’mon, man. The show kinda butchered their relationship.

Trees, apparently, make a ‘vvrooooommm’ sound when they grow very fast

“He suspected that Crowley was from the Mafia, or the underworld, although he would have been surprised how right he nearly was.” Shadwell also thought Aziraphale was a Russian spy. Wow, Shadwell.

Aziraphale calls Crowley and actually says “shut up” to him, and then when the answering machine beeps, he tells Crowley to “stop making noises” and then he swears for the first time ever.

The fuckin’ footnote on page 227

“A sleek computer was the sort of thing Crowley felt that the sort of human he tried to be would have.” I like the word choice here. He’s not pretending to be a human, he’s trying to be one. That’s a really important distinction.

It never actually says what Crowley does to his plants.

Crowley’s flat is very white. Wow, Crowley. It just looks dark because of the lighting. Heaven imagery and symbolism out my ears, goddammit.

Why does Hell say Crowley’s name so much when talking to him?? Honestly, I think that’s an intentional dig at his chosen name, using it in their speech to scare him. Wow, Hell. (And wow, Finn, excellent sentence)

Whenever the book says something is shaped like something, it definitely isn’t that thing. “man-shaped” “dog-shaped” “car-shaped”... makes it pretty obvious they aren’t men, dogs, or cars, huh.

The code to Crowley’s safe is 4004. The year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvelous planet”... and the year he met Aziraphale, of course. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Crowley, my dude.

Crowley consideres sticking Hastur into his car until he turns into Freddie Mercury but then decides even he isn’t that cruel

Actual text that I feel like nobody really agrees with: “Madame Tracy was by many yardsticks quite stupid”

“Do I look like I run a bookshop?” “...imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you? Honestly?” “A prat.”

I’m crying. The fucking bookshop fire scene made me fucking cry. I’m literally crying.

“...on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” “The police and firemen looked at him, saw the expression on his face, and stayed exactly where they were.” “...a crack of thunder so loud it hurt....” *the sound of Finley sobbing into their cat*

The shortest biker in the cafe thing is 6′2, what the fuck

War, Famine, Pollution, and Pop Trivia 1962-1979

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. If only the old boy had known what opportunities the future had held.” HMMMMMMMMMMM

“There were no bitches in Hell either.” I know it’s talking about female dogs, but I rather thought Hell was full of bitches.

“Why are you talking like a poofter?” “Ah. Australia.”

“gOsh, aM i on teLEviSiON?” (Basically Aziraphale gets passionate about stuff and likes to talk).

Crowley is actually an optimist and doesn’t dwell too much on how sucky the world is. He doesn’t go get smashed in a bar. He just finds Aziraphale’s notes in the book and heads to Tadfield. And also, his new pair of sunglasses just... materializes out of his eyes. And he likes to whistle.

“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking to Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping But Secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People traveled with them.”

“on top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.” Honestly dude, if an octopus waved at me I’d wave back.

Wait Agnes was apparently talking to Shadwell and not God when she said yowe daft old foole. I dunno

Madame Tracy: You old silly. Shadwell: 

Aziraphale does not know how to get rid of demons. Canonically. “Had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley always got the hint.”

The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen, apparently. The question is where it is, because the demons always seem to just stem out of the ground.

“Heigh ho,” said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway. I love this sentence during that scene. 

I bet Hastur gets really mad whenever he hears Aziraphale’s voice from now on

Crowley isn’t breathing the entire burning Bentley scene

ADAM. SAID. “But I reckon you can make your own side” AND WE FUCKIN IGNORED IT?

The temperature above the M25 was simultaneously 700ºC and -140ºC which makes me think of something I read about magenta not being real. The M25 is magenta.

I feel like “Agnes” is just going to become an inside joke between Anathema and Newt at this point, and it will drive Crowley insane because he knows who she is but somehow still doesn’t get the joke.

I’m six inches taller than R.P. Tyler, and apparently according to the back sleeve of the book jacket, I’m very similar in height to Neil Gaiman

R.P. Tyler thought Shadwell was a ventriloquist’s dummy, and then sees cows doing somersaults

“That’s terrific. Much obliged,” said Crowley. — “Funny weather we’re having, isn’t it?” “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.” “Probably because your car is on fire.” .... Also the fact that Crowley looks like a young man which I find interesting.

“The Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse”

“Where is Armageddon, anyway?” “I’ve always meant to look that up.” “There’s an Armageddon, Pennsylvania”

Famine is the one that says “that’s one big avocado”, and also, I find it interesting that War, more than once, talks about love. (All is fair in love and war much?)

Anathema threatens the guard with a stick, pretending it’s a gun

Aziraphale, of course, asks Crowley to sort it out because he, Aziraphale, is “the nice one” and then proceeds to sort it out himself. Because of course he does. Because what else could he possibly do.

I just ADORE THIS BOOK OKAY

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO READ IT AGAIN IN A MONTH

Aziraphale and Crowley are so fuckin married I can’t

[vagrantblvrd]

modern au wth biker luke meet the parents

Friend, you brain-thoughts, I like them. <3!

(Modern AU idea.)

Let’s say this takes place sometime after Luke’s old biker gang comes to town, at least a couple of months afterwards to allow Din to recover from the shenanigans.

I mean, he likes Luke’s friends just fine, they’re all good people and he definitely appreciates the fact they were there for Luke and his family when he needed them to be, but...they can be a lot.

So.

A few months down the road and things are pretty much back to normal for Din’s odd little family, right?

He and Luke attempt to do Real Dates but the universe at large tends to conspire against them in the form of shenanigans like car trouble or that time the the water main broke and Din got roped into helping fix it and other assorted reasons.

Which, honestly, fine with both of them.

Neither of them are all that big on stuff like that, and are just as happy with staying in with takeout and watching a over with Grogu.

(Or, you know, Cara or one of their friends taking Grogu for the night so they can have Alone Time, although half the time that just means one or both of them ends up a snoring, drooling mess before the credits roll on the movie they’re watching, but that’s fine too, because sleep? But also morning frisky times and the whatnot, or just being sappy saps who are totes married who send the morning in bed smooching and making fun of their bed hair and dumb faces and anyway, they do just fine, you know?)

Once in a while, though, the planets align or some BS and they get to go on a Real Date.

Tends to result in one or both of them being !!! and ??? because it’s been a while since they’ve been on one of those or they overthink the whole thing like they aren’t sickeningly gone over one another and more or less married already, but still!

Must make an effort to show how much they love and cherish the other and want them to feel special and such. (Also, their friends/family have had Meetings about this stuff, insist they have at least one (1) Real Date every six (6) months so they can see how normal human beings socialize.

ANYWAY.

Their anniversary is coming up and everyone insists Din and Luke have one of those Real Dates, right?

There are actual strategy meetings to make sure every possible complication/disaster is accounted for, their friends are going to make sure this thing happens or so help them!!1!

Din is honestly a little terrified of telling them it’s not that serious a matter, and Luke thinks the whole thing’s hilarious. (Gets this wistful look on his face when he gets a glimpse of the war room Din’s friends set up in the back room of Boba’s bike shop and makes yet another vague reference about that time his family was at the heart of a vast conspiracy that spanned decades and effects are felt even now, and yeah.

Din gets sent all over the city to Prepare for Real Date.

According to his friends and loved ones he needs a new haircut, and a new suit - which, fair, the last one was from a job and kind of technically stolen because that time he had to go undercover and there was a suit..shop..and anyway, he apologized, but that’s neither here nor there.

SO.

Din’s all over the place on errands his friends and loved ones assigned to him and it’s less trouble to go along with all this than trying to reason with them.

(And honestly, he’s kind of looking forward to it in a weird way?)

Anyhow.

He’s just leaving the final fitting for his suit - all shy and embarrassed because Cara and Fennec went with him to decide on what he/they wanted for him that first time. They’d both given him the softest smiles when he settled on one he liked, fabric and color and all that, approved and told him he cleaned up nice and anyway, he kind of likes the thought of doing that for Luke, okay. It’s...nice.)

Thing is, though.

He’s had the weirdest feeling the last few days, week, maybe. Like. It’s weird but he the thing where he used to work as a bounty hunter with/for Boba and he learned to trust his instincts, so he’s not completely caught off guard when he gets cornered in the parking garage after his last fitting.

A couple of guys he doesn’t recognize, lean guy in all black and a long coat. Long-ish hair and a scar over one eye. Black gloves - something about that sticks in his head, niggling little thought, something familiar.

The other one’s broader built, a little shorter. Din’s mind categorizes him as the muscle. Wearing a dark jacket, baseball cap pulled down to hide his eyes but there’s something familiar about him too, knocking around in Din’s head.

Definitely a threat, but it’s the first guy Din knows he doesn’t want to turn his back on.

Just this aura of threat, and dangerous, and don’t look away from him in Din’s head and for the first time in a long time he wishes he still carried a gun.

Not that he’s helpless by any means, knows hand-to-hand and all that, martial arts and boxed when he was a kid. Also, you know. That collapsible baton that strictly speaking he shouldn’t have, but knowing Boba means exceptions get made, and it’s one he’s never felt all that guilty about. Especially in situations like this one.

Din hasn’t gone for it because for all the bad vibes these guys are giving him they haven’t done anything yet and he’d rather not be the one to start something.

(Paperwork, you know. Also, his date with Luke.)

Oh, they’re between him and his minivan, acting like a couple of tough guys with the posturing but it’s not just that.

Din knows the difference between idiots who watch too many action movies and think they’re worth anything in a fight and the real thing and these two aren’t the useless kind.

So far all they’ve done is stand intimidatingly, which is strange as hell, but fits with the rest of Din’s life, and anyway.

Just as Din’s starting to wonder if this is going to end in a fight, like, really actually, he hears a bike. Aggressively. Getting closer. Aggressively.

Nothing weird about it because they’re in a city and people drive bikes, and hey. Parking garage where people sometimes park their bikes while going about their business elsewhere and really, he tells himself, it’s just some random person who rides a bike.

REALLY.

Only thing is.

It sounds familiar?

Like.

Really, unfortunately familiar in that he swears he’s worked on it himself a time or two. Become unbearably fond of it’s owner, and please, please, please don’t let it be Luke.

So, you know, of course it’s Luke.

Comes roaring into the parking garage, Din sighing and like oh, goddammit, as he and his two new BFFs listen to Luke approaching.

Bike going vroom vroom and tires squealing as he makes it up every level of the parking garage to where Din and his BFFs are.

And it’s like, there’s part of him worried Luke’s going to crash, but the rest of him knows Luke’s a good driver, knows he knows every little quirk of his bike and how it handles and when Wedge and the others were visiting he got to see Luke show off just how good he is.

(It had been utterly terrifying because potential for death and whatnot? But als super hot, so. You can see how Din is conflicted there.)

Anyway, Din is standing there listening to the love of his life vroom vroom up several levels of the parking garage to, like, rescue him or whatever, and the guys who cornered him are sharing this look like why are we even surprised by this and shrug at each other going from top tier threats looking Very Tired all of a sudden that’s kind of confusing, and entirely relatable.

FINALLY they see Luke coming up the ramp and he’s headed right for them, does that totally rad thing where he swings the back of the bike around as he screeches to a stop, solidly between Din and the other two.

Dramatic as hell, but to be fair Din had been warned about that, something about it running in the family and anyway.

Luke himself warned Din. Obi-Wan warned Din, as well as sharing stories of the stuff he and Luke’s dad got up Before while they worked for the same agency. Cody warned Din, shooting a loot at Obi-Wan and dropping his voice so the other man wouldn’t overhear “Don’t let him fool you, Anakin learned most of that from him,” but there was fondness under the scowl aimed at Obi-Wan’s back that Din understood because, well, Luke.

Everyone in Luke’s life Din’s met told him about the Drama that runs in the Skywalker family, so this?

Yeah.

“Luke,” Din says, because the other two are definitely armed, and love of his life who helped expose a massive conspiracy theory and all, but also maybe not the brightest idea to do this right now. Or ever, really. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Luke being Luke, he ignores Din.

Reaches up to pull his helmet off, and Din notices he’s not wearing the glove on his right hand, or the synthetic skin over the prosthetic, like he was in a hurry, didn’t take the time to “pretty it up” for other people the way he puts it, vague shrug strange smile on his face, like there was something more important on his mind. 

(Din never got the full story about it, just knows it’s tied to whatever happened to his family and the everything that turned Luke’s life upside down, ended up with him in Din and Grogu’s life.)

Luke sets his helmet down in front of him, and gives Din a quic once-over, checking to see if he’s okay before he lets out a sigh. Flashes Din a smile, relief, something that’s simply happy to see him, and a bit like an apology.

Looks like he’s about to say something, but then the lean figure in black takes a step towards them and the smile drops off Luke’s face and his head snaps around to the other two.

The figure in black stops, goes still.

Din stares because he’s never seen Luke look like that in the time he’s known him.

(Remember a night out with Luke, Obi-Wan, and Cody, Luke laughing about double dates and Obi-Wan’s exasperated smile as they watched Luke and Cody in the middle of a game of pool when a pair of drunk idiots wandered over and tried to pick a fight.

A comment they had been far to overhear but easy enough to figure out with the ugly sneer tossed toward the table Din and Obi-Wan were seated at, something that wiped the tolerant smile off Luke’s face, had him pushing past Cody who was trying to de-escalate the situation, and saying something that made the drunkard go white. Scared shitless as he dragged his friend away.

Din had looked at Obi-Wan who just sighed, faint smile on his face as he shook his head.

And Din, Din had said he’d ever seen Luke angry before -

“Angry?” Obi-Wan had said, amused? “Well I suppose you wouldn’t have.”

He’d taken a drink, and leaned towards Din like he was sharing a secret, just between the two of them, and laughed. “You still haven’t, by the way, in case you were wondering. Trust me, you’ll know when you see it.”

There’d been something else too, about Luke taking after his father that way, weight of history Din wasn’t privy to behind it and a fond exasperation Din knew well.)

“Hey, Dad,” Luke says.

He sounds.

Well, the thing is, Luke doesn’t sound angry.

Or, not just angry.

He sounds careful, controlled. Tense. Like he’s a lot of things at the moment, and the wrong word, moved, from his dad - Luke’s dad - will be the deciding factor.

The figure in all black - Luke’s dad? - sighs. Rubs the back of his neck with a hand, shares a look with the man next to him who shrugs.

“Luke,” he says, sounding...sheepish, caught out. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Din winces on his behalf, feels an odd sort of kinship with the other man who snorts, mutters something like not a great idea.

Luke nods, sounds like oh, no, yeah, I totally understand that.

“I know,” he says. “Good thing mom called to tell me you were coming for a visit.”

Luke’s dad winces. “Oh she did, did she?”

It goes on like that for a bit before Anakin apologizes for pulling this nonsense, approaching Din in a parking garage like something from a spy movie -

“Well, I mean,” Luke says later, once things aren’t quite so bizarre. “He is a spy, so. You know.”

They all head to Obi-Wan’s center where they can “talk” because Luke was supposed to go there to help with administrative stuff or whatever before Padme called, and anyway, surely Anakin and Rex wouldn’t mind?

Obi-Wan takes one look at all of them, the way Luke makes sure to be between Din and the others at all times and pins Anakin with a look.

“Oh, Anakin,” he says, amused and dismayed. “What did you do?”

Din misses a lot of what’s said, things going over his head because Luke and unresolved issues and his dad’s earlier antics, and anyway, anyway.

Din gets a call and goes outside to take it, waves off Luke’s worried look because he’s not done reading his dad the riot act about not being a complete menace about Luke’s life, dad, c’mon.

But the thing is, the call’s not a number he knows, he just needed to get out of there for a moment.

Imagine his surprise, suspicion when he hears, “I hope my idiot of a husband didn’t make too bad of a first impression.”

Because it’s Luke’s mom, and he’s definitely not going to think about how she got his number after the everything with Luke’s dad, and just.

They have a conversation, one that’s actually nice. She asks after Luke, if he’s taking care of himself, if Din is helping in that regard. Asks how Din’s doing, how his adorable son of his is, and Din knows okay. Knows Luke’s sent her pictures of Din and Grogu, the three of them, when he talks to her, but it’s still a surprise how much he talks about them to her?

When he says that, just a random comment he didn’t mean to say there’s a moment of silence and then she laughs. Tells him her son is head over heels for Din, that she’s never seen him like this with anyone, and he adores Grogu, and just.

It’s a lot to take in, hear someone else say, and she must know it because she’s so gentle the rest of their coversation, laughs again as she asks him not to think too badly about Anakin, and he tells her he’ll try, because wow, what a first impression to make,you know?

Just as they end the call the door behind him opens and Din looks up to see Anakin.

He looks...awkward. Embarrassed? Something.

Din watches as Anakin goes over to Luke’s bike, remembers Luke telling him it used to be his dad’s.

Watches the complicated mess of emotions that wash over Anakin’s face as he looks at the bike, runs a hand along the side of the gas tank Luke repainted when he joined that biker gang of his.

Anakin sighs, shoulders slumping and when he looks at Din he doesn’t look like the intimidating figure in the parking garage, like threat and danger and the smart ones run.

He looks. Tired. Worried. Older than he should be, but with what he knows about Luke’s family Din’s pretty sure he knows the reason for that. For what h thought he was doing in the parking garage, maybe, Din’s still on the fence about that.

He understands why Anakin did that, just. Like Luke says, Complicated.

The important thing is that Anakin apologizes to Din. Tells him he’s maybe kind of an idiot - Din is like OH??? - and the Thing with his family that is definitely his fault, but he is trying to work things out with them and he’s just.

A touch overprotective as a result of the everything, so.

He just.

Worries.

Din is like, no, no, he gets it? But maybe try not to look like you’re going to murder your son’s boyfriend in a parking garage maybe? (Assuming Din survives the Skywalker family.)

Some awkwardness and then Anakin’s like, “I didn’t think he’d keep it,” about the bike, because Issues.

And Din is like, well, okay, and tells him what Luke told him about it. About Padme giving Luke the bike and that summer he spent restoring it, about his friends -

“Yeah,” Anakin says, and laughs. “Never expetd him to join a biker gang.”

The thing is he doesn’t sound surprised by that, or even a little worried. Probably used to hiding bodies, or he’s just met Luke’s friends and knows there isn’t anything to worry about there.

Anakin tells Din about how he got the bike, stories when he was a dumb kid and asks if Luke ever managed to get this things with the bike fixed.

Tells Anakin no, it still acts up and is the reason Din and Luke met when the bike broke down that first time, and to his surprise Anakin actually laughs.

“That’s...huh. Padme and I met under similar circumstances.”

Which, weird?

But Anakin’s looking at Din with this tentative little smile, and Din is like, well, he doesn’t know what just that he understands being protective of his people.

So they talk about the bike, and Din tells him about meeting Luke - leaves out the awkward flirting bits but he can tell from the looks Anakin gives him he fills i the details himself.

And then!

At some point Anakin pulls out a little multi-tool because you can’t aways cart a toolbox around with you Din is like, just wonders if Anakin knows Luke carries one for the same reason Well, that and the fact his prosthetic hand can be temperamental and such.

“Well this is definitely better than what I thought I’d find,” Luke says, surprising the two of them who have kind of taken the bike’s engine a little somewhere along the way?

Anakin and Din trying to pinpoint what’s wrong with the bike even though no one has for years by this point, and it’s like uh, ooops?

Because it’s Luke’s bike now and they didn’t mean to, but Luke is just. Amused, fond. Goes over to them and asks if they found the problem yet and when they say no clearly they must continue, and anyway.

Obi-Wan comes out after an hour, maybe two and looks at the three of them with raised eyebrows.

Tells Anakin that Padme’s flight just landed and Cody and Rex left to pick her up from the airport - which.

Huh, that explains where they went. The three of them notices, waved and all but were caught up in figuring out the bike Issue and didn’t give it much thought,

Also, Luke and Din are going to be late for their reservations if they don’t get going and then it’s like.

Anakin all flustered because Padme - knows he’s in trouble with the whole parking garage incident but Padme, and Luke and Din share this look with Obi-Wan because it’s seriously adorable.

Also, though, also.

Luke and Din and a quick conversation off to the side while Anakin goes inside to get cleaned up - smudge of oil or grease on his face, and his hands are filthy and just.

Yes.

And then Luke asks if Obi-Wan and COdy had plans for the night, all casual and such, and Obi-Wan has this little smile on his face.

Because he knows these idiots so well, and tells Luke that no, he doesn’t actually, is there a reason Luke’s asking?

And of course Luke is asking because Luke and Din cancelled their reservations, but there’s a nice restaurant they know that should still have roo for their group if no one object.

Just a nice little family dinner out, and anyway, no pressure?

So of course they do the family dinner thing - Anakin worried because the whole everything from earlier and takes Din and Luke aside and apologizes again, and that they should go have their date and it’s like.

Luke gets this look on his face, all soft and kind of sad and touches his dad on the arm to get him to look at him.

“Just. Don’t do anything like that again, alright?”

That look from the parking garage on his face again for a split second, and Anakin clearly sees it, knows understands.

Looks at Din to see what his feelings are on things and Din just shrugs because while it had been a bit much, he did understand, and anyway.

So.

Din gives Luke a ride home to get ready for the dinner - Luke insisting Din show him the new suit...later, which gets poor Din all flustered while Luke laughs at him, and anyway, anyway.

The go off and have their family dinner, where Din is rightfully in awe of Padme and the way Anakin dotes on her. Gets this soft little feeling in his chest at the easy relationship between her and Luke, and leans over to Obi-Wan at one point like.

“Are Cody and Rex related?” because there’s a definite resemblance between them.

Obi-Wan almost chokes on his wine, and manages to get out something about the two of them being from a big family. Gets this little smile on his face and tells him to ask Boba about it sometime, and anyway.

Padme gets Din alone for a private chat while everyone’s bringing the cars around and getting ready to say their goodnights.

Apologizes for Anakin again and tells Din they both like him very much, and Din while Din is trying to think of something to say about that Anakin pulls up to the curb.

Padme gives Din a mischievous little grin and presses a kiss to his cheek, tells him that what they like most about him is how happy he makes their son, and while he’s all flustered from that gets in the waiting car with Anakin.

Luke comes over, worried little frown on his face and Din is like, so confused?

Luke’s parents are so confusing, and Luke laughing at him about it while he herds Din over to the minivan isn’t helping, and anyway, anway.

For a day that started rather ominously, it ended surprisingly well.

And!

Din even gets a goodnight kiss for his troubles, so you know, good day.

[beetlebitchywitch]

Zhuk (Mafia Beej!AU The Conglomerate) x F!Reader: Homecoming

Well my dears, it has been awhile. My first semester of grad school is about to come to a close and I feel bad that I haven’t written in so long. So, I decided to post a commission I wrote a WHILE ago for @yankyo, starring everyone’s favorite Russian mafia man, Zhuk. I hope you all enjoy it!

P.S. I usually tag these fics with beetlejuice stuff since these boys are based off of Beetlejuice and share traits with him and stuff, but if people think I shouldn’t, let me know. I wouldn’t wanna clog the tags with stuff people don’t want to see, but I wanna make sure the people that do wanna read it can find it easily. If anyone has any suggestions or anything, I’m all ears!

WARNING: NSFW. Rough sex, brat taming, anal sex, dirty talk, slight degradation/humiliation, aftercare. MINORS DNI 

The mirror reflected a devious picture come one warm, muggy, infuriatingly quiet night at the estate. Her gaze traveled up her reflection, starting at her feet clad in strappy black heels that she still managed to be short in despite their impressive height. Her legs looked absolutely incredible in her favorite pair of fishnet stockings, held in place by the garters connected to her lacy black panties that perfectly cupped her ass. Paired with a black leather chest harness that fully exposed her breasts and a matching collar adorned with silver chains that dripped luxuriously across her skin, she looked like every straight man with a pulse’s wet dream. She turned slowly, looking herself over carefully for any imperfections. If tonight was to go as she had planned it, she needed to be perfect, not for her husband, but for herself. 

Her husband. She couldn’t help but scowl as the memory of him leaving her for a business trip entered her mind, a curt kiss on the forehead the only goodbye she received from him before he was off, chattering away in Russian on his phone as if she didn’t exist. It was the third time that month that he’d left her to rush off to Europe on some important business he refused to tell her about, and tonight was the night he was due to arrive home. The others had kept her company, of course, but they all could tell how much his supposed disregard for her had gotten under her skin, and far be it from them to tell her how to feel. They did what they could, keeping her occupied and loved with time spent drowning in liquor and laughter, but they all knew that there was nothing they could do to replace the attention of Zhuk while he was away. But tonight...well, tonight that attention was going to be all for her. 

With a smirk, she turned away from the mirror, striding confidently out of her bedroom and down the empty hall. The others had retreated to their rooms for the night, knowing full well what hell would likely be unleashed upon them if they dared to interrupt her master plan. The only sound that accompanied her was the satisfying click of her stilettos on the stairs as she descended into the foyer, momentarily surprised that not even Bajo had snuck out of his room for a quick look at her all dolled up. Her thoughts were quickly dispelled at the sound of the magnificent front doors being unlocked, quickly swinging open to reveal none other than Zhuk...speaking rapidly on his cell phone in Russian. 

It took everything in her not to scream at the top of her lungs as he sped past the foyer and into the kitchen after only briefly meeting her gaze, not even sparing her a second glance as he barked unhappily in his native tongue. Whoever was on the other end must’ve been getting an earful, but Y/N simply couldn’t give two shits what they were being scolded for. Here she was, standing in the middle of the room with her fucking tits out, and her husband didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in his business like he always was. She could feel the frustrated tears building in her eyes, suddenly feeling utterly ridiculous for planning all of this in the first place if he wasn’t even going to care enough to spare her a passing glance. Before she could continue spiraling into self-pity, she heard a soft gasp from her left and looked up to see Zhuk, cell phone held loosely in hand and his mouth agape at the sight of her. If anything, his delayed reaction only served to anger her more, feelings of inadequacy and loneliness and sadness swirling around in her stomach as his gaze shamelessly raked up and down her body. 

“Moya zhena,” he sighed wistfully, pocketing his cell phone and taking a few steps closer to where she stood at the base of the stairs. “You are...could this all be for me?” At that, she scowled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“It could’ve been,” she snapped, not even finding it in her to care when he flinched at her angry tone. “But you’ll probably just be too busy, right? Maybe I should book you another plane ticket back to Moscow, since you’ll just ignore me while you’re here anyway.” Zhuk paused, seemingly taking in everything she’d said and trying to determine what to do next, but the long silence made Y/N shift uncomfortably where she stood, suddenly feeling far too exposed as she used her hands to cover herself. 

“...Darling, where is this coming from?” he asked slowly, though she could hear him struggling to maintain his patience with her outburst. No, no, he didn’t get to be angry, because now it was her goddamn turn to be pissed at him and she wasn’t going to let him take that from her, not for a second. 

“What do you care?” she spat, reaching down to angrily undo her heels and slip out of them, tossing them carelessly to the side before covering herself up again. “Sooner or later, you’ll just be gone again, or you’ll come back and be too busy with your phone to notice your wife is in fucking lingerie, so do us both a favor and just get it over with now so I don’t have be disappointed again!” And with that, she spun on her heel and ran back up the stairs, ignoring the sound of his heavy footfall behind her as she rushed back to her room and slammed the door behind her, quickly locking it and sliding down the wood, sitting herself on the ground and trying to maintain her composure despite Zhuk quickly pounding on the door. 

“Y/N, let me in!” he demanded, trying to keep his voice as gentle as he could but goddammit, he was stressed and tired and this wasn’t what he was expecting to come home to, even if it was his fault for being so busy. . 

“Bite me!” she called back, not even caring how much trouble she’d likely land herself in for being so disrespectful. She was hurt, she was angry, and she didn’t give two flying fucks about him or his rules. She heard him snarl under his breath and smirked victoriously, suddenly growing more confident knowing that she could get under his skin. “Well, you could’ve, if you hadn’t been fucking blind.” 

“I will break down this door,” he growled, tugging aggressively at the doorknob to no avail. “You know damn well that your anger does not excuse bad behavior. Now be a good girl and let me in.” 

She was tempted, for a moment. Perhaps he’d apologize, hold her close, treat her right, the way he should’ve from the very beginning...but did she want to give in that easily? After all he put her through, didn’t he deserve to have to fight for what he wanted? Didn’t he deserve to wait as long as he made her wait? ...She couldn’t, could she? But hearing his frustrated muttering in Russian and his impatient pacing in front of her door...her decision was already made. She crawled away from the door to settle at the base of her bed, facing the door with her back against the edge of the mattress and slowly spreading her legs. Her fingers dipped below the waistband of her panties and down towards her pussy, and the hiss of pleasure she let out as she began to circle her clit got Zhuk quiet, his pacing coming to an abrupt halt.

“...What are you doing?” he asked, his voice hushed like the calm before a storm. She replied only with a soft moan. “Y/N, what are you doing?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she replied cheekily, her words cutting off with a soft gasp because fuck, this felt so good. She hadn’t let any of the others touch her while Zhuk was away, never finding herself quite in the mood for that kind of distraction, so it had been several days without this kind of touch and as badly as she wanted it from him, teasing him while he was helpless to stop her was simply sublime. 

“Think carefully now, dragotsennyy,” he growled, once again pawing uselessly at the door once more before pushing away from it with a frustrated snarl. “You can’t hide in there forever, and if you keep this up, I swear on the motherland that you will wish you were never born.” 

A shiver ran through her at the way he growled his threats at her, but the longer she got away with it, the more powerful she felt. There he was, an incredibly powerful demon that could break her in half with one hand if he wanted to, and he was at her mercy. The pleasure swirled together with the self-satisfaction to have her throwing her head back with laughter interspersed with pleasured gasps. 

“I already wish I was never born, that’s not much of a threat!” she retorted teasingly, letting one finger dip down to circle her entrance before pressing inside her. She moaned loudly, putting on as much of a show for her poor husband as she could. “Fuck, it feels so good! Don’t you wish it was you inside me, muzh? Oh well, too bad.” 

She quickly slipped another finger inside her, losing herself to the satisfaction of knowing that she was winning...she thought. But Zhuk was being strangely quiet. No pounding on the door, no jiggling the doorknob, not even a swear in Russian beneath his breath. It’s almost as if he’d left...but he wouldn't have. Not now, not again. She paused her ministrations, listening intently for any sign of hi-

CRASH. 

In an instant, she was lifted off of the floor, her husband’s hand wrapped firmly around her throat with her toes just barely scraping the ground. She gripped uselessly at his ironclad grip, struggling against him to no avail. His hair was a wild mixture of burning crimson and vibrant magenta, though his eyes were all anger, smoldering with an ire that was just ready to ignite. Her eyes traveled behind him, where she saw the remains of her door, hanging pathetically from its hinges. 

“I did tell you I would break down the door,” he said darkly. She couldn’t respond, not with his grip around her throat supporting her entire body weight- she gasped desperately for air when he dropped her to the floor, landing solidly on her knees at his feet. “Now...we’re going to try this again. Was this all for me, malen'kiy?” 

Y/N stared up at him defiantly, keeping her mouth firmly shut despite knowing that there was no way he’d let her get away with it. Indeed, it only took a few seconds of petulant silence for him to tangle his fingers tightly in her hair, tugging harshly and wrenching a yelp from her throat. 

“Fine,” he spat, using his free hand to quickly undo his belt and lower his zipper, freeing his cock from the confines of his underwear. “I’ll put your mouth to better use, then.” He let go of her hair, but far from showing her mercy, he instead thrust his fingers into her mouth, prying it open forcefully before guiding his cock past her lips, groaning with satisfaction as he pushed himself all the way down her throat, stopping only when her nose was nestled firmly against his groin. He held her there until her eyes began to tear, but she held firm, keeping herself from gagging despite the impressive length of him pushing so far into her throat that her neck bulged. Finally, after far too long, he pulled back, giving her only a moment to rest before picking up a brutal pace, fucking her face as if it were only a toy. The feeling of his cock repeatedly plunging down her throat sent her mind spinning, and despite the defiance she so desperately clung to, she could feel the comfortable weight of submission slowly beginning to settle over her. She held still like a good girl, keeping her teeth back and mouth as wide open as she could no matter how badly her jaw ached. The longer he fucked her face like this, the more desperately she desired to be his perfect girl, her brattiness momentarily seeping out of her in favor of obedience. She missed this. Below her anger was a longing that caused her to miss him so terribly that she ached, and even if he was punishing her for her misbehavior, at least he was here. At least she was his. And there it was, the pleasant fuzziness that came with her submission, just on the edges of her awareness as he clutched desperately at her hair and took her mouth with utter brutality. She would be lucky if her throat didn’t ache come tomorrow morning. 

“Kakaya khoroshaya shlyukha, berushchaya moy chlen,” he snarled, letting himself have only a few more seconds of her mouth before pulling out completely, still holding her by the hair while he frantically stroked his cock. “Mouth open, tongue out.” 

She obeyed, as if she had much of a choice, her tongue lolling out of her mouth and her eyes slipping shut as she waited for, there it was, the warm feeling of his cum sticking to her skin, some landing on her exposed tongue but also clinging to her lips and even the tip of her nose. Knowing better than to swallow without permission, she held herself still, opening her eyes to watch the tail end of his orgasm before meeting his gaze obediently, allowing him to enjoy the sight of her covered in his cum. And enjoy it he did, taking several seconds to paint a mental picture of his wife marked so perfectly before letting go over her hair and moving to remove his pants. “Clean yourself up,” he commanded almost carelessly. 

She obeyed immediately, swallowing what was already on her tongue before using her fingers to clean the rest from her face, swallowing it dutifully. As she came back to herself after such an intense experience, her desire for revenge mixed with her overwhelming need to submit to his control as well as oil and vinegar. She wanted him to take her until she didn’t even remember why she was angry, but she also wanted to send him packing for ruining her perfect plans, and she wasn’t sure which desire was stronger. 

“On the bed,” he commanded, striding over to toss any extra decorative pillows to the floor. Her opposing desires swirled angrily in her mind, but despite the fuzziness at the edges of her vision that so often came with her willing submission, she stayed put, staring defiantly down at the ground. When Zhuk realized she had no intention of moving, he strode over to her slowly, now fully nude and his cock already beginning to reharden. 

“Is this the game you would like to play tonight, moya zhena?” he asked, his voice heavy with the weight of his dominance. She shivered at his tone, but held her tongue, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her perfect obedience. “Because I have no problem with reminding you whose orders you’re meant to obey. Or have I left you alone so long that you’ve forgotten?” 

Her scowl only grew at the reminder that yes, he had left her alone too long, so this is exactly what he deserved. If he wanted her, he was going to have to be a big boy and take her. 

“Here are your options, dragotsennyy,” he said, almost too calmly. “You can obey me, as you are meant to, and climb willingly onto your bed. Or I could drag you up by the hair. Which will it be?”

Knowing this may be her last chance to speak, she lifted her head to smile petulantly at him, using every last ounce of brattiness left in her. 

“I’ll take what’s behind Door Number 2.” 

A man of his word, he fisted her hair with a snarl, showing no mercy as he dragged her up off the floor and onto her bed, paying no mind to her yelps of pain as he tossed her unceremoniously onto the mattress. He wasn’t far behind, pressing her down against the pillows and letting one hand trail tantalizingly down her body. 

“You dressed up so pretty for me, dorogoy,” he crooned in her ear, giving the lobe a nip. “It’s a shame you won’t get to wear this again.” 

Before she could even protest, he was on a rampage, tearing into her panties with a feral snarl and ripping them off her body with his teeth, setting the ruined garment aside to reveal her pussy, already dripping wet and ready for him. But he wasn’t done. He gripped tightly at her stockings, tearing them to shreds with inhuman strength and littering the bed with tiny scraps of fishnets. Deciding to show a sliver of mercy, he undid her harness rather than tear it off her and tossed it aside, leaving her completely bare and soaking wet for him. She grumbled under her breath knowing some of her favorite garments were ruined, but she couldn’t think about that, not when Zhuk was roughly wrenching her thighs apart and trailing his fingers between her folds, gathering her slick on the tips of his fingers with a hum. 

“Aww, and to think you acted so tough,” he mused, chuckling to himself when she shivered at his touch. “Would you like to see how wet you are for me, moya zhena?” 

Expecting his fingers, she balked when he reached for her ruined panties, having soaked them through from how wet she became from getting her face fucked. Zhuk balled them up and, not willing to wait for her to open her mouth, wrenched her lips open with two fingers pressing down on her tongue, quickly replacing them with her soiled panties and giving her a quick slap to her cheek for good measure, leaving behind a trail of her spit. She yelped around her panties, already tasting just how wet she’d become from the beginning of her punishment and blushing darkly at the shame of it all. Satisfied, Zhuk moved back down her body, pulling her thighs apart roughly to reveal her dripping pussy and sighing at the sight of it, aching for him to just slide inside of her. But...he had a better idea. 

“I don’t think I want to fuck such a slutty pussy,” he mused to himself, though it didn’t stop him from running his thumb between her folds and chuckling when she struggled to keep herself from whining in protest. “Aww, does my little brat want me inside her? Don’t fret, malenk’iy, you’ll still have me…” He trailed off, dragging his slick-soaked fingers up to circle the puckered rim of her ass. Realizing what he meant, she couldn’t stop herself from letting out a long, low moan, arching her ass up and grinding back against his teasing touch. Still, he kept it light, just barely circling her entrance with the tips of his fingers. “...but only if you beg.” 

Fuck. She growled under her breath in frustration, her panties already growing more soaked from her saliva. How did he expect her to beg with her panties in her mouth? Thinking about it for a moment, her cheeks grew red as she realized what he wanted, but...there was nothing that would keep her from having him inside her. 

“Please…” she whined, her words muffled as she struggled to speak around the lace filling her mouth. 

“What’s that? I can’t hear you, shlyuka.”

“Please, muzh, I want you…” 

“Louder!” 

“Please!” she yelled around her gag, blushing furiously at the sound of her muffled words. Still, it seemed to be enough for Zhuk, as he hummed in satisfaction to himself and quickly plunged one finger inside of her, hissing at the feeling of her tight walls clenching around him. She gasped loudly, trailing off to a reedy whine as she ground back on his finger, already desperate for more. He plunged his finger in and out of her before quickly adding another, spreading them apart to get her nice and stretched for him. A steady stream of whines and moans fell from her lips, muffled only slightly by her panties as the tips of his fingers stroked at her sensitive walls. When he thought she’d had enough, he pulled them out, cooing almost condescendingly at the way she whined in protest. 

“Patience, dorogoy,” he said almost mockingly, reaching into the bedside table to pull out a bottle of lube and quickly getting himself slicked up for her. “Or is my little slut truly that desperate for me?” 

She couldn’t deny it. That fuzziness on the fringe of her vision had grown, her submission fully settling over her enough that she was desperately needy for him. She would crawl on her hands and knees across the entire estate just to have his cock inside her. She settled down onto her elbows, making sure her ass was presented for him, and kept silent, not wanting to speak unless he truly asked her to. From now on, he was in control. 

“That’s what I thought,” he growled, quickly lining his cock up with her entrance. “Deep breath for me now, kotenok…” 

She inhaled deeply, and when he finally began to push inside of her, she released it with a desperate moan. Fuck, the stretch was perfect, his cock practically splitting her in half as he slid inside her without mercy, not stopping for a single second until he was fully hilted inside her, his hips pressed firmly up against her ass. 

“That’s it, there’s my good girl,” he hissed, struggling to keep himself still. He may have had to show her her place, but he still cared enough for her wellbeing not to start rutting her without giving her a moment to adjust. He leaned down, pressing the length of his chest to her back and whispering directly in her ear as he slowly began to move his hips. “This is what happens to naughty little brats who disobey. Do you understand?” 

“Yes,” she moaned around her gag, grinding back against his cock to encourage him to just take her. He gave in, starting up a quick, hard rhythm that had the headboard slamming against the wall with each thrust, but God, it wasn’t enough. “Please, harder!”

“Ohhhh no,” he growled, keeping his pace just shy of where she desperately needed it to be. “I don’t reward bad behavior, shlyuka. You want it that badly? Then I better hear you say you’re sorry.” 

If he’d asked her to 20 minutes ago, he would’ve been met with stony silence, but now, he’d so expertly taken down her walls and sent her so deep into subspace that she couldn’t stop herself if she tried.

“I’m sorry!” she cried out, trying in vain to grind back harder against the cock that she needed so badly. “I’m sorry I was bad, I’m sorry I teased you, please, just-ah!” 

There it was. Hearing those magic words, Zhuk simply snarled and buried his face into her neck, finally reaching the pace she craved. Every thrust inside her was like heaven, every nerve in her body alight with pleasure as her husband growled obscenities into her ear, taking her like an animal in heat. This, this was what she needed all goddamn week. 

“There’s my good girl,” he moaned directly into her ear, tangling his fingers in her hair just to wrench her head back to expose her neck. “Are you going to cum for me?”

Desperately, she nodded, reaching down to circle her fingers around her clit. Immediately, Zhuk slapped her hand away, replacing it with his own and pulling desperate yet muffled cries from her lips. Fuck, so close, just a little more-

“Cum for me,” he growled. “Let me feel my good little slut cum around my cock.” 

That was it. Her body gave in to the command, her orgasm rushing over her like a wave of heat hitting every nerve in her body, a desperate scream wrenching from her throat as she trembled in his arms. Zhuk fucked her through it, grunting with each thrust before reaching his own climax, spilling into her with a quiet groan. Out of breath, shaky, and blissed out beyond belief, Y/N collapsed onto the mattress, barely even feeling when Zhuk pulled out of her, his cum rushing hotly down her pussy and onto the mattress. Ignoring it completely, he moved up to pull her into his arms, letting her rest against his broad chest. He doted on her as much as he could, guiding her soaked panties out of her mouth and tossing them aside before pressing a soft kiss to her lips and petting her hair, just wanting her to know that he was there. Slowly, she came back to herself, her eyes sliding open to see her husband smiling softly down at her. 

“Are you alright now, moya lyubov?” he asked softly. With a smile, she nodded, nuzzling into him lovingly. When he sighed almost despondently, she looked back up at him with concern, finding remorse shining in his eyes. “You were right. I’ve been neglecting you too much lately, and I promise you that I won’t be rushing off on a business trip any time soon. That didn’t give you an excuse to misbehave, but I’m sorry that I made you feel as if you had to act out to get my attention.” With a soft smile, Y/N leaned up to kiss his cheek, nuzzling against him before settling back on his chest.

“Apologize again to me in the morning,” she said, her words interrupted with a yawn. “I might’ve forgotten by then...” 

And with that, she drifted off to sleep, comforted by the fact that finally, finally, her husband was home. 

[fromcrossroadstoking]

Luz and the Bug Out

Part 9 of Welcome to the 5061st!

(By the way - the two jokes that Roe tells Luz at the end? He definitely got them from Spina.)

Tags: @gottapenny @itisjustmethistime @indigosandviolets @scarecrowmax 

-------------

November 23rd, 0600

There are 4 important things to remember when you're part of a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital;

1. It's a hospital

2. It's mobile

3. The mobile part makes the hospital part a bit complicated

4. The hospital part makes the mobile part a pain in the ass

Luz wasn't too fond of any of the above parts, but he particularly hated the mobile part. Bug outs were nothing but a waking nightmare as far as Luz was concerned. Tearing everything down, packing it up, trying to keep track of everything, transporting it to a new spot, and setting it all up again - it all sucked. And it all had to be done quickly because, well, see #1 above.

Luz did, however, count it a silent blessing that at least this bug out was happening on a cool November day. Although he was still working up a decent sweat (ok, maybe it was more than decent), at least it wasn't anything like a bug out in the middle of summer.

"George, no offense, but this sucks"

"Yeah, I know Perco, I know."

Frank Perconte had just arrived a the 5061st and it was his first bug out. He was, so far, not having a good time.

"I mean, why the hell we gotta move anyway? The line didn't move that much. Ain`t like we`re gonna be that much further behind it if we stayed put."

"Jesus Christ, Perco. Quit crying and help me with these damn boxes," Luz shoved an overfull box at Perco, "And for the five hundredth time, we`re moving because we`re supposed to be no more than twenty miles behind the line. The line moved up, so now we move up." With that, Luz shoved through the door with another heavy armful.

Perconte huffed and followed Luz out to the truck to load up more boxes.

November 23rd, 0800

Despite the sweat dripping in his eyes, Luz managed to catch sight of Roe walking by with a crate of supplies. Hopping off the ladder he was precariously perched on to try and get some wires down, he did his best to catch up to Roe while seeming casual about it.

"Hey, Gene! Wanna hear a joke?"

Roe slowed his pace a bit and smiled over at Luz, "Sure, whatchya got?"

"Ok, so it`s, uh, like a joke riddle thing and you get two clues. Ready?"

Roe nodded, bemused, "Mhmm."

"How did the turtle cross the freeway?"

"It was closed for construction and he walked?"

"Jesus - no, Gene. You want your first clue or not?"

"Alright, alright. What`s the clue?"

"Well, you got the word free, right? Well, take the 'r' from free and what do you have?"

"Fee."

"You got it! Alright second clue, ready?"

"Uh huh."

"You got the word way, right? Now take the 'f' from way..." Roe`s brow furrowed in confusion, "There`s no 'f' in - " 

Realization hit Roe mid-sentence.

"Goddammit, George," Roe tried to look exasperated but he couldn't stifle the burst of laughter.

November 23rd, 0900

The animals were the last thing that Luz packed up. He liked to make sure that they weren`t crammed behind a bunch of boxes and that they were out of the trucks as soon as possible once they arrived at their destination. In total there was one goat (Radar - official MASH mascot), one turtle (Albert), one hamster (Butterball), and of course, Scruffy the bunny. Scruffy was Luz`s favorite pet. What wasn`t to love about the soft fur and floppy ears and beady little eyes?

Luz cooed at the animals as he loaded them up. Radar went in the back of one of the trucks carrying personnel. Sisk promised to personally take care of Radar on the ride to their new base. Albert, Butterball, and Scruffy went in to homemade cages (Luz`s own handiwork) and placed in the back of a supply truck that was only about half full.

Once the animals were situated, Luz hopped behind the wheel of one of the trucks, ready to go. To his surprise, just as the line of trucks was about to move out, the passenger side door opened. A pale, dark haired man shoved over some of the stuff that crowded the passenger seat and squished himself in to the cab of the truck.

Luz blinked rapidly, "Gene?"

"Mind if I keep ya company?"

Luz smiled from ear to ear, "Not at all."

November 23rd, 1015

Admittedly, Luz was a bit disappointed when they reached their destination and Roe left. Luz knew he was being dumb about it - Roe, after all, had his own stuff to unpack and a hospital to help reassemble. But still, Luz couldn't help but feel his heart sink a bit as he watched Roe walk away.

"You always makin' cow eyes at him or what?"

"Shut up, Perco."

"I`m serious! I need to know if I should carry around a mop to clean up all the damn drool."

Luz shot a shut-the-fuck-up-now-or-else look over at Perconte who, if the giant shit eating grin was any indication, was fully unfazed.

"Perco, I will kick your ass."

November 23rd, 1020

Luz could feel his chest tighten as he searched the back of the truck frantically.

No, no, no.

Radar, Albert, and Butterball had made the journey safely. Scruffy was MIA. Upon inspection of the cage that had housed Scruffy, the latch appeared to have broken during the move.

Luz couldn't find Scruffy anywhere in the truck. Who knows when the latch broke. Scruffy could have jumped out at any time. He could be anywhere at this point.  

Luz could feel his heart breaking. 

November 23rd, 1100

Luz hated unpacking even more than packing. Setting everything up again was a massive pain in the ass. This time, however, he merely went through the motions - no jokes, no complaining, barely any talking at all.

November 23rd, 1800

Luz`s misery followed him to dinner.

"Jesus, George, it was just a bunny. How long you gonna mope about it?"

"Not now, Perco."

"Yes, now. Besides, maybe he`ll manage to hop his furry little ass here. Ya never know."

Liebgott decided to add in his two cents from where he sat next to Perconte, "Just get another one."

"I liked that one."

Liebgott shrugged and Perconte shook his head, both at a loss for what to do now. So they ate in silence

November 23rd, 1300

Luz laid in his cot, trying his best to fall asleep. By all rights after the bug out, he should have been out like a light, but instead he laid there, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

He wasn't sure how to explain to the others what his pets meant to him. Wasn't sure how to explain that he grew up in a house full of kids and pets - a house constantly filled with happiness and noise. Wasn't sure how to explain that his pets reminded him of that. Wasn't sure how to explain the comfort they brought him, especially on the bad days. And he especially wasn't sure how to explain that Scruffy looked almost exactly like the bunny his mom had, and had adored, right before she passed away.

Luz was at a loss for words.

November 24th, 0730

Luz was busy reorganizing the papers that had been mixed up during the bug out (he made a mental note to thank Perconte for that later) when a familiar face appeared in front of his desk.

"George," Roe offered a small smile and nod before holding out a Hershey bar, "I know it ain`t Scruffy and it ain`t much but it`s all I got right now."

A ghost of a smile passed across Luz`s face as he accepted the Hershey bar, "Thanks, Gene."

"Oh an' one more thing, what`s the best thing about Switzerland?"

"Uhhh," Luz racked his brain but wasn`t sure where Roe was going with this, "I don`t know."

"Me neither. But the flag is a big plus."

Luz snorted, "Gene, did you actually tell a joke?" A smile started to form on Luz`s face, "You got anymore?"

"Sure do. What do you call an Army noodle?"

"What?"

"An impasta."

Luz let out a short laugh that settled into an actual smile which, unfortunately, didn't last long as the sound of choppers filled the air.

"Guess, I gotta go," Roe excused himself and began to leave but paused in the doorway, turning to look at Luz, "Poker tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, see you then."

They shared a small smile before Roe turned and left.

After Roe was gone, Luz sat at his desk, turning the chocolate bar over in his hands, debating whether to eat it now or later. He was still sad of course, but somehow he felt a little lighter.

[gyllenbaabe]

✧･ﾟ: *prompt list*:･ﾟ✧

F L U F F:

“Stay here tonight.” “You make every day worth living.” “I’ll keep you warm.” “I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.” “You look amazing tonight.” “I can’t sleep, can I stay here?” “It’s late.  Shouldn’t you be asleep?” “How are you feeling today?” “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” “Wanna go grab a drink?” “Here, let me help you.” “Kiss me.” “Don’t cry.” “You make me feel safe.” “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.” “Thank you, for everything.” “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.” “Don’t be afraid.” “You’re always on my mind.” “You have no idea how much I want you right now.” “You’ve always felt like home.” “I can’t imagine this world without you.” “Dance with me.” “Why are you crying?” “Who hurt you?” “You make me feel alive.” “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.” “Who cares about what they think?” “Tell me what’s wrong.” “You’ve always got me.” “I’ve waited for this moment for a long time.” “Is this okay?” “You look like you could use a hug.” “Did you need something?” “We’re meant for each other.” “You’re worth it.” “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” “Do you have a ride home?” “You need sleep.” “We’re meant for each other.” “You’re worth it.” “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” “Don’t be scared, I’m right here.” “You’re so adorable.” “I’m better, now that you’re here.” “I could never forget you.” “Don’t be scared, I’m right here.” “You’re so adorable.” “Come cuddle.” “Can’t you stay a little longer?” “I fell in love with you, not them.” “You’re the only one I wanna wake up next to.” “I just want this. I want you.” “Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!” “Kiss me.” “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you wanna stop and feel the rain?” “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” “Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?” “You did all this for me?” “I wish I could hate you.” “Stop acting like you owe me anything.” “Take my jacket.” “I think you’ll have to make it up to me.” “You braided his hair?” “You’re so cute when you’re upset.” “The power when out. It’s not the end of the world.” “I might be slightly drunk…” “If my day gets any worse I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.” "If I survive, can I go home?” “Stop tickling me before I rip your fingers off.” “If you kill them you’ll have to kill me too because otherwise, I’m going to kill you.” “I missed being with you like this,” “I’ve been excited to see you all day.” “You’re my perfect match,” “No one else can compare to your loveliness,” “I’ll keep you warm. Hold me closer.” “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” “Can I have a massage?” “Move away if you don’t want this kiss.” “Are you my secret admirer, the one that’s been sending me all the flowers and notes?” "You’re supposed to be washing my hair, but this feels more like a massage.” “Hold my hand tight. I’ll protect you.” “Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, you understand?” “You really think I’m beautiful?” “Are you jealous? That’s cute.” “There’s only a handful of people in this world that I actually like. You may or may not be one of them.” “So–uh, I’m not really good at this, but … I think I like you … like you.” “You seriously need to stop watching sad dog commercials at 3am. You’re an absolute mess; this is ridiculous!” “Hey–don’t you sass me! That’s my job around here!” “If you don’t get away from me with that horrid little creature, I will throat punch you.” “You really have to question me? … So what if I lied? That was one time!” “Oh, God. We broke it–dude, he’s gonna be so pissed! This is all your fault–it was your idea!” “… Is that my underwear?” “I overall hate the human race, but you aren’t too horrible; bearable, at least.” “I didn’t mean to scare you–I thought you’d like being surprised!” “You’re cute, I’ll give you that. But not cute enough to get away with that.” “Look–I hate to tell you, but you deserve the truth… . Your cooking almost killed me last night.” “This is the part where you ask me out and I say yes.” “Really? You made me drive all the way back here just to kill a fucking bug?” “We should get matching tattoos–wouldn’t that be cute?” “Oh, God. We’re one of those couples, aren’t we? Ugh–I hate us!” “I got you something! I remember you mentioning it before … I hope you like it.” “Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.” “I get that you were trying to be romantic, but you nearly burned the house down!” “I may be short, but you could at least try to make kissing you easier!” “I’ve never felt safer than I do in your arms.” “We may be soulmates, but that does not mean you can just waltz in here like you own the place! I could have been naked, or something!” “Oh–this is far from over. I’m going to prank you back so hard you won’t even know what hit you!” “Here–can you put sunscreen on my back for me? Don’t be weird about it!” “I need you. Please, stay.” “Promise me you’ll never leave me. I don’t care if you have to lie.” “Dance with me! C’mon, it’ll be fun!” “Here–let me show you how to hold that thing before you hurt yourself… Like this, see? It’s easy.” “I may love you, but I will kick your ass if you tempt me to.” “Why are you always right? It’s not fair.” “I have no idea what you just said, but I could listen to you all day.” “What? Sorry–I didn’t hear you. I was too busy getting lost in your eyes… Ow! What?! I was just trying to seduce you!” “You know you don’t have to try so hard with me, right?” “Relax–it’s just me! Not an axe murderer, I promise!” “Did you seriously just climb through my window?” “So, I tried making dinner … keyword there is tried. Let’s just say it didn’t end well, so we’re having takeout tonight.” “Yep–no, you’re never touching the laundry again. You ruined my favourite sweater and nearly flooded the house. Never again.” “Hey–I accidentally cut my hand, I think I need to go to the hospital. Can you drive me? … Why are you looking at me like that? There’s not even that much blood!” “I have something to show you; I think you’ll like it.” “I love you. Never forget that, okay?” “You’re so beautiful words can’t even do you justice.” “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short or long that is.” “Hey–I’m perfectly average height for my age, thank you very much. You’re the one who’s freakishly tall!” “I’ll catch you–trust me! … So I dropped you one time–we don’t have the time to argue about this!” “I won’t forget just how big of a douche you were, but I may just be able to find it within myself to forgive you.” “Quit stealing all the pillows!” “You want a bite?” “Give me a second and I’ll show you.” “You’ll play this game with me, won’t you?” “What should we name him/her?” “Have you ever played in the rain?” “Is it hot in here or is that just you?” “Why are your feet so cold?” “Ride the Ferris wheel with me?” “There’s room for two/three!” “Stop that, I’m ticklish!” “Put your finger here while I go get the tape.” “Here’s my number!” “You want chocolate or vanilla?” “Your hands are so warm! “Are you sure you’re not tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” “You’re sweeter than candy.” “You smell really nice.” “Your hair’s so soft…” “You’re my new pillow.” “Can I rub your back?” “If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?” “I think I love you.” “Can I kiss you?” “Hold my hand.” “It’s not morning yet.” “Stay for a little longer…” “Of course I’m happy! How far along are you?” “You’re so beautiful.” “I’ll always be here for you.” “You are my love.” “You were right here all along.” “Do you want my coat? It’s really cold out here.” “You don’t need keys to drive me crazy.” “Do you want to get dinner sometime?” “Call me whenever… no really.” “You’ve got flour on your cheek.” “Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.” “You don’t have to leave so soon.” “You could put your feet in my lap, you know.” “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.” “Shut up and kiss me.” “We’re pregnant!” “Are you science? Because I’ve got my ion you.” “We could try cuddling.” “Stop being so cute.” “Are you okay?” “Our relationship is the most important thing in my life.” “You can sleep, I’ll keep you safe.” “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.” “Do you really need all that candy?” “Exactly how drunk was I?” “Stop being so cute.” “It was a joke, baby. I swear.” “What a nerd.” “Are you ok?” “Can we get a dog?” “Are you kidding me?” “Good morning, sunshine.” “I can’t reach it.” “Dumbass.” “Come cuddle.” “Oh. My. God.” “Stop it! It tickles!” “Stay. Please.” “Why are you even awake right now?” “Is that my shirt you’re wearing?” “How strangely nonchalant for someone who almost just died a minute ago.” “No way.” “You’re such a weakling.” “Just let it all out.” “I’m here, baby.” “I missed you. So much.” “Don’t worry.” “Hey hey hey, look at me.” “Don’t say that.” “You’re so pretty.” “Honestly, you’re the cheesiest person alive.” “Stop staring at me!” “Will you please inform me on why we’re going in here?” “How is this so expensive? For barely any clothing?” “I’m seriously not that drunk.”

A N G S T:

“I love you, please don’t go.” “Please don’t walk out of that door.” “I thought things were going great.” “Don’t you love me?” “I’m never letting you go.” “You meant too much to me.” “I won’t let you.” “How could you ask me that?” “Don’t you trust me?” “Shouldn’t you be with him/her?” “I’ve got you.” “We’ll figure this out.” “This isn’t goodbye.” “What the hell were you thinking?!” “I care about you.” “You could have warned me!” “That was unexpected.” “You haven’t lost me.” “Why are you doing this?” “Please don’t do this.” “All I wanted was for you to be happy.” “I can’t do this on my own.” “Trust me.” “Nothing is wrong with you.” “Let’s go.” “I’m not going anywhere.” “I am home.” “I love you, please don’t go.” “Please don’t walk out of that door.” “I thought things were going great.” “Don’t you love me?” “I’m never letting you go.” “You meant too much to me.” “I won’t let you.” “How could you ask me that?” “Don’t you trust me?” “Shouldn’t you be with him/her?” “I’ve got you.” “We’ll figure this out.” “This isn’t goodbye.” “What the hell were you thinking?!” “I care about you.” “You could have warned me!” “That was unexpected.” “You haven’t lost me.” “Why are you doing this?” “Please don’t do this.” “All I wanted was for you to be happy.” “I can’t do this on my own.” “Trust me.” “Nothing is wrong with you.” “Let’s go.” “I’m not going anywhere.” “I am home. “What happened back there?” “That’s not gonna happen.” “Why me?” “I’m right where I belong.” “Fine.” “What do you want me to say?” “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?” “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?” “Excuse me?” “What are you doing?” “What did you expect?” “You’re not alone.” “I’ve always been honest with you.” “Going somewhere?” “Don’t lie to me.” “Forget it.” “That’s in the past.” “I won’t lose you too.” “It’s not that easy.” “I’ve had enough.” “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” “Let me go.” “It’s not goodbye. It’s see you later.” “Don’t look at me like that.” You’re the one that left. You turned your back and walked away.” “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” “I waited and waited, but you never came back.” “Were you ever going to tell me?” “You know we’re supposed to be together. I’ve known since the first time I saw you and you know it too.” “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” “If you kill them you’ll have to kill me too because otherwise, I’m going to kill you.” “I think we should break up.” “You aren’t who I thought you were.” “I don’t even know who you are anymore!” “Why can’t you look at me?” “What’s wrong?” “You want to be with him/her/them, don’t you?” “You promised you’d change!” “Am I not enough for you?” “What is so wrong with me?” “I’m sick of trying.” “I don’t want to be just friends.” “I can’t trust you anymore.” “I can’t even look at you.” “Your problem isn’t me, your problem is _______” “I’m always wrong, aren’t I?” “You said this time it’d be different.” “Please give me a chance.” “I’m pregnant.” “I wish I’d never laid eyes on you.” “I don’t love you anymore.” “We can’t keep this up forever.” “You make me feel so small.” “Don’t leave me like this!” “Don’t ever call me again.” “Talk to me, please.” “Don’t push me away.” “This is your son/daughter.” “I think I need a break from you.” “I’m sorry.” “I can’t promise you anything.” “It’s better this way.” “The baby… it’s yours.” “After all this time, and you still can’t look me in the eye?” “I can only blame myself.” “I was only pretending.” “It wasn’t your fault.” “This is all because of you!” “I don’t feel the same way.” “Just go!” “Please stay.” “What aren’t you telling me?” “It’s okay, you didn’t know.” “Don’t tell me to keep calm!” “I’m keeping the baby, with or without you.” “I need to be alone.” “Stop calling me.” “I can’t remember why I ever loved you.” “Don’t apologize; I know you don’t mean it.” “I can’t believe what you’ve done.” “I don’t need you, I’m fine on my own.” “For how many hours did you sleep last night?” “I’m sorry.” “It’s all your fault!” “Get out of my sight!” “God, you’re so annoying.” “I hate you.” “Apparently, in your eyes, I’m always wrong!” “Just listen to me!” “Please.” “What the fuck were you thinking?” “Cut the bullshit.” “Why are you here?” “I miss you.” “Would you for once! Stop being a bitch!” “I don’t care!” “Don’t fucking touch me.” “We can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing this.” “And I thought there was a spark between us.” “Leave.” “I was wrong.” “Are you ok?” “Are you going to talk to me?” “Wanna talk?”

S M U T:

“I love it when you moan my name.” “You got started without me.” “Just a little harder…” “Gimme a taste…” “Let me give you a reason to stay in bed.” “Grab the headboard for me, will ya?” “No panties?” “I want you now.” “Use your tongue.” “Please don’t stop.” “Do you like that?” “Let’s put that mouth to good use…” “Let me help you forget that jerk…” “You can get louder, can’t you?” “Look what you do to me.” “I want to taste you.” “That feels so good.” “Don’t cum yet…” “Take off your clothes.” “I could use a hand…” “Take off your clothes. Slowly.” “Can you feel what you’re doing to me?” “Shhhh…” “You sound as if you like my teasing?” “Watch me until I say you can join in…” “There’s only one rule. You can’t use your hands.” “Look deep into my eyes, sweetheart.” “I want you to leave marks.” “I want to watch you fall apart.” “I dreamed of you all night.” “Face down on the bed. Now.” “Don’t apologize about your morning wood.” “Fuck me like you mean it.” “Spank me.” “Take me now.” “Tell me how you like it.” “I just want to please you.” “Tell me I’m a good boy/girl/lover.” “Let me watch you touch yourself.” “Each of my thoughts about you are improper.” “Use your teeth.” “I love it when you kiss my neck.” “Don’t be gentle.” “I’ve never wanted anyone this badly before.” “You’re not going out dressed like that.” “Make me.” “All mine.” “Please make it rough.” “I love it when you talk dirty.” “I’ll let you do anything if you’ll just touch me now.” “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.” “Strip.” “You’ve been so bad, haven’t you, baby?” “Make me.” “Hurry up!” “Don’t leave any marks.” “You look so hot I could fuck you senseless right now.” “Behave.” “Such a good girl.” “Don’t stop.” “You aren’t too bad yourself, baby.” “That feel good, princess?” “Be patient for me.” “Do you think you deserve my dick tonight?” “Wider, baby. I said wider.” “Fuck, baby you’re so tight” “So good, baby, so sweet.” “P-please s-s-stop.” “I can’t hear you.” “Don’t make a sound.” “I dare you.” “Stay still for me, princess.” “Tell me what you want.” “Swallow.” “On your knees.” “So fucking pretty.” “You’re such a hoe. Such a slut for me.” “Mine. Only mine.” “You can’t cum until I say so.” “Cum for me, baby.” “You taste so sweet, honey.” “Choke me.” “You’re drooling. You really don’t deserve it though, do you?” “I’m going to remind you exactly who you belong to.” “Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?” “Spread your legs. I want to feel how turned on I made you.” “You can add another finger. I’m ready,” “I want to watch you take off your clothes.” “You’re so turned on already? That was fast,” “Lay back and touch yourself. I want to watch.” “You want to do this right now? Even though we could get caught?” “You’re nipples are so sensitive today,” “Do you want to continue this in the shower?” “You look so beautiful tied up to my bed,” “I want you to be rough with me, please leave marks on my skin,” “Say my name,” “Louder,” “You say you want me, but your body seems to like it when I tease you,” “Call me ‘Sir’ when we’re alone like this,” “No, I’m the one that’s supposed to be making you feel good,” “Don’t stop, whatever you do. I like that, a lot.” “I love hearing you moan,” “Blindfolds heighten your senses, maybe that’s why you’re whimpering louder than usual.” “I was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realise you weren’t alone.” “Sorry, did that hurt?” “No, I’m just a little sore from last night.” “I want to hear you beg for it.” “I’m not wearing any panties,” “I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you,” “I don’t have the patience to remove your clothes right now,” “Your pussy tastes so sweet,” “I can’t wait until we’re alone. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.” “Bite me,” “Where?” “Were you just touching yourself?” “The game is, either of us is only allowed to touch the other with their mouth.” “I love how your body loses control when you cum.” “Fuck me like a starved animal or leave.” “Show me how you like to be touched.” “Harder, Deeper…” “I want to fulfill that fantasy you’ve always wanted.” “The way you smile like that always turns me on,” “Can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home,” “I know you said you didn’t want to be late, but you look amazing, and I’m trying not to kiss you senseless right now,”

[ Sorry if some are double]

[we-work-hard]

Slippery

Pairing: Twink AJ Styles x Twink Kenny Omega

Summary: AJ and Kenny are getting ready to wrestle in a shitty armory at the start of their careers. Kenny has a bottle of baby oil, and shows AJ how to use it.

Warnings: There’s use of the homophobic ‘f’ word – AJ starts out very, very silly in this, and doesn’t know much of the world, poor lamb. Kenny teaches him though; don’t worry about that. AJ comes out all the better for this experience. Also, he cums, which is important.

Slippery

“Freaking baby oil?!”

“Yeah – you don’t want to look good out there?”

“There's less than 20 people out there tonight. And you both look fucking gay.”

AJ and Kenny turn to the other wrestler in the locker room, Ethan – one of them with a disgusted look at being accused of such a thing, the other smiling.

They turn back to each other and ignore him.

“It makes you look more muscular – put your hand out.”

AJ looks skeptical, his nose scrunching up at the bottle Kenny’s holding out.

“I dunno, man... won’t it ruin my gear or somethin’?”

“Your cheap-ass lycra shorts? No – just put your hand out, come on.”

Kenny’s laughs at AJ’s cute dumb face, still scrunched up when he stretches out a hand, closing an eye and shuddering when the cold oil hits his palm and fingers.

“Eww, this is gross.”

“You’re gross – just rub it on; you’ll see.”

“I’ll slip off the ropes.”

“I’ll catch you.”

“Whatever, man – I don’t trust you at all,” he says with an exaggerated sigh, slapping the oil on his naked shoulder and shivering at the temperature.

“You’re supposed to warm it up in your hands first, you dumbass – like this; see?”

Kenny pours some into his hands and rubs them together, warming the oil and peeking into AJ’s eyes with a mischievous look. AJ tries to look grumpy.

Whoops and yells from the shit-tier Battle Royale that's going on out in the ring can be heard from their shit-tier locker room, right in the back of the old building. Ethan was on first, now he's lying on a bench with his head resting on a rolled-up towel, smoking a cigarette. His opponent disappeared to a bar with a local as soon as their match finished. Kenny and AJ are booked to go on last, in about 30 minutes, because they don't totally suck. 

AJ’s still feeling Kenny out, having only met him today. He seems cool, but...  AJ’s not gay – Ethan can shut his trap about that – but... he’s not sure about Kenny. He's a bit too... friendly, somehow. But, AJ's never met a gay person before, he thinks, so, how would he even know? Plus, Kenny seems pretty tough. Probably not one of those gay guys.

“Here,” Kenny slaps his hands on AJ’s chest with a loud smack, making the other man curse and recoil. He sniggers at AJ’s “JESUS, KENNY” and rubs it across his skin, getting it over his pecs, his shoulders, and down his arms. AJ holds himself still with a long-suffering look into the middle-distance, pursing his lips. He will endure this if it'll make him look good. 

Kenny starts slapping his shoulders to wind him up, smirking down at him. AJ huffs.

“Dang it, you fool; that’s enough, right? I look slippery enough now?”

“Ah, no – nope,” Kenny looks at AJ’s body with wide eyes and a regretful skew to his mouth. “You need to do your abs now.”

“I’m fucking leaving you fags to it.”

“Thanks Ethan,” Kenny says brightly from their corner of the changing room. 

“Fuck you – I’m going to go shout at the promoter,” Ethan growls as he leaves to shuffle out through the main hall.  

AJ looks down and rubs the oil from his arms into his stomach, his belly button winking as he works it in while Kenny watches. AJ looks pensive, focused. 

Kenny thinks he’s really cute, has ever since he met him earlier today. He’s short with a sweet face, dark hair, blue eyes. Just the type Kenny used to sneak looks at in gym class at school. Now he gets to wrestle them in armories, and help them with their baby oil situation before matches.

“There now – don’t you look better; see?”

AJ walks over to the mirror and stands up straight, looking at his tanned body, now shiny with oil. He moves his arms around and watches his lithe muscles flex, then drops his hands with a smack to his bare thighs and lets out a huff. He's not sure about this. Kenny looks really built and perfect, broad shouldered. AJ looks good, but nothing close to that. His eyes catch Kenny’s in the glass.

“I look the same, but now I’m as greasy as you.”

“You’ve got to do your legs, too,” Kenny says gesturing to AJ’s thighs. They look really smooth. Kenny tries not to stare too much, sitting down on the bench and rubbing his own legs down instead. AJ stomps over and flops one of his stocky legs up onto the bench next to Kenny.

“You do ‘em.” He says with a pout and a frown. 

“You’re needy as fuck, aren’t you?”

“Quit with the cursing – do my legs!" 

“Jeez okay… needy...”

AJ pushes Kenny’s head down and laughs when he's shaken off with a "Quit it, dammit."

Kenny shifts on the bench and has a quick look at AJ’s leg, trying not to be too obvious about it. His white shinguard covers his calf and goes over his knee, leaving those shaved and tanned thighs exposed. They look soft and muscular at the same time. He blows out a breath and raises both hands, holding around the thickness of AJ’s leg and massaging over it with his slippery fingers. AJ just watches him do it matter-of-factly, not saying anything.

Kenny stops and looks up at him, keeping his hands on his warm skin. 

"You’re used to being pampered, aren’t you? Like a puppy.” 

AJ figures if anyone's a puppy it's Kenny, with all that pretty curly blonde hair.

But he says, “You sayin' I stink?”

“Your gear smells pretty ripe from here, man."

It smells really good to Kenny, like old sweat and AJ’s body. He's trying not to breathe through his nose too much because the scent is doing something to him. And he's pretty sure this good ol' Southern boy isn't going to appreciate Kenny getting a hard-on right now...

“Shut your yap up and do my other leg – I’m uneven now.” 

“Well, okay," Kenny says on an indulgent sigh, like AJ's a big kid. "Hop it on up.”

AJ lowers his left leg to the floor (he’s really bendy and well-balanced, Kenny notes – for the match later…) and hops in front of Kenny, lifting his right leg and resting his calf directly on Kenny’s knee.

AJ has decided he enjoys messing with Kenny. 

“You’ll fall,” he warns.

“No I won’t – get to work,” AJ nods to Kenny’s hands with a cocky grin.

“I bet you will fall."

“I won’t-”

Kenny can't resist it – quickly reaching around and digging his fingers into the back of AJ’s knee under the pad to hit a ticklish spot, laughing, making AJ gasp and crumple against him, hissing and scrambling to get Kenny’s hand away from his leg.

“Get off,” he grunts, shaking with the feeling of Kenny’s fingers digging in further – winding his arms around the other man’s head and squeezing in a bid to make him stop tickling him there. His other leg ends up on the bench, him straddling Kenny’s waist, and they struggle against each other, the oil making getting a grip even harder.

Kenny grunts, his arms full of the other man. “Do you give?”

“No!”

Kenny cackles with power. "I’ll get your other knee if you don’t give, goddammit!”

“I won’t give; get off my knee, argh.”

“Ticklish anywhere else?!”

“NO!”

“You are!”Kenny says with triumph, moving his hands around AJ’s waist and pinching at him.

“I’m not, stop it!”

“Give, bitch!”

AJ tenses up, his face pressed into the side of Kenny’s neck, straining and shaking with the pinches, thumping against the other man’s shoulder with his fist, then grazing his teeth against it. There’s one spot Kenny knows will be ticklish – the crease where AJ’s thigh begins, and he isn’t smart enough to stop himself from reaching and digging his fingers in there, too.

His knuckles brush against the front of the lycra shorts, and AJ’s body freezes against Kenny. He’s getting hard.

“Oh fuck,” AJ whispers, pulling away and staggering back across the room, holding his hands over his face and turning his body away in a cringe – he's never been so embarrassed. Damn his body and how needy it gets, why can’t he control himself?

“AJ, AJ – it’s okay, it’s alright-”

“No – no, it's not.”

“Yes it is; come here,” Kenny gets up and takes AJ’s arm, turning him back around to face him. He pulls AJ’s hands away from his face. He’s bright red and looks vulnerable, won’t raise his eyes to look at Kenny. He’s so, so cute.

“Why so panicked? You’ve wrestled before, right?” He says with a soft voice. 

“Well, yeah, of course – you know I have." He still won’t look up, but let’s Kenny keep a hold of his wrists. He feels so stupid, so horrible. 

“And that’s never happened to you?”

“Not with a guy! I’m not a f-”

“Ah – no, no, no – don’t use that word.”

“I’m sorry.” Maybe he is a fag, he thinks to himself ruefully, feeling sick. Why else would this happen? 

“Hey, look up – you’re scaring me.”

AJ looks up and Kenny's never seen anyone so ashamed. But then his gaze quickly flicks down to Kenny’s mouth, then away again. Ah huh. 

Kenny has to take the chance – he leans forward and runs his mouth over AJ’s, feeling him flinch, but not move away. He doesn’t kiss AJ, but waits.

AJ knows he shouldn't, but... 

“I – I want to…but, I don’t know-” AJ whispers.

Kenny puts his mouth over AJ’s and catches his full bottom lip between his, applying gentle pressure with a suck and letting AJ decide if he wants more – he won’t push him. AJ wrenches his wrists out of Kenny’s grip and pulls his face closer to keep the kiss going. He does want more. 

"AJ, AJ – stop,” Kenny pulls away, breathing hard. AJ’s pupils are blown wide and his mouth is swollen, almost red with the blood pumping through him, so fast. “Stop a minute – you sure, you want this?"

"I think so..." Kenny looks at him carefully. AJ knows Kenny wants him to be sure. Is he? Can he admit to this, out loud? "I mean, yes." 

"Okay, good,” Green light. “God, you're so hot, you don't even fucking realise."

Kenny pulls him back in even closer and brings their crotches together, grinding AJ against him and coaxing his tongue out to suck on it, feeling AJ’s moan go through his mouth. He tries to lift AJ onto his hips to feel him against him, but AJ slips back down his body with a frustrated groan, licking at Kenny’s mouth and pulling his hair.  

“Kenny, I'm so slippery," he whispers.

"No, that's good – come here, I'll show you something," Kenny whispers back, taking AJ’s hand and pulling him towards the bench.

“What if someone comes in?”

“No one’s coming in until that Battle Royale is over, it’s okay – come here, lie down.”

AJ settles back on the bench, looking at Kenny like he’ll do whatever he’s told, so innocent but ready to learn what the other man is willing to teach him. Kenny climbs over him and strokes his face, leans down to kiss him some more, lowering his hips and pressing them together, grinding down on AJ’s hardness.

“Oh my- you feel so good,” AJ breathes up into Kenny’s face, panting. He feels so out of control underneath the other man’s body – he’s needed to be touched for so long, and now it’s by someone with big strong hands who’s looking at him like he’s so precious.

“Baby...” Kenny murmurs to him with a soft smile, eyes moving over AJ’s face. “You’re such a baby... so sweet – will you let me make you cum under me, do you trust me?”

“I think so. I mean, yes, I do.”

“Here, baby,” Kenny soothes, pushing himself up and reaching to AJ’s ring gear, tugging them down over his hardness and settling them just under his hips, stroking at the ticklish spot he’d touched earlier, making AJ flinch and groan. 

AJ’s dick is so hard and gorgeous to Kenny, just like he knew it would be. It’s making his mouth water – slapped up back against his belly, thick and pink. AJ’s hips start jerking up at the feel of Kenny looking, and he wants to beg. All he can do is moan while Kenny tugs his own shorts down, his dick swinging out and making AJ’s eyes widen. He’s never seen another man hard in real life, just pictures in magazines and in dirty movies he’d never tell anyone he’s watched. He wants Kenny to rub it against his, make them cum. He wants to feel his heat against him, reaches to pull Kenny’s hips back down to bring their dicks together.

“Ah, ah, slow down, baby – wait.”

Kenny reaches down to the floor for the baby oil and squirts it over AJ’s crotch, making him growl at the coldness again.

“Oops, should have warmed it up first, huh? Rubbed it on with my hands?”

AJ mewls at that.

“I’ve got something better to warm it up – watch.”

AJ tries to keep his eyes open and stop himself from shaking when Kenny takes his own dick in his hand and lowers his hips to AJ, running the head of his cock over the shaft of AJ’s and against the thick head, making a jolt go through him at the feeling.

“Ah, KENNY!”

Kenny does it again and again until AJ’s body’s shaking against the bench and he’s trying to force Kenny’s hips down onto him, fingers digging into Kenny’s lower back, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Fucking do it, Kenny,” AJ hisses, tongue loose and dirty now he’s so close to cumming, just from this. “Give me your cock, rub it against mine – cum on me, please – I want your cum on me so bad, so bad.”

Kenny’s close to cumming as well, wanting to release all over the other man’s tight stomach and groin – instead grinding his dick down onto AJ’s, slipping and sliding their crotches against each other, fucking the boy’s body down against the bench roughly.

“I’m gonna cum, Kenny,” AJ says up into his face, looking at him in shock and need, rubbing his hips up against Kenny’s humping. “I fucking am, I can’t take it – I can’t-” His eyes squeeze shut as his body tenses and writhes, a deep groan coming out of his throat and hot seed spilling between their abs, making the way even slippier.

“Oh Kenny... oh God, Kenny,”  AJ’s got a big fucking mouth when he’s having sex, Kenny thinks with amazement, praising the powers that be that he’s been given the opportunity to experience it. AJ’s dirty mouth and writhing has him on the edge, but he wants AJ to see it shoot out of him. He pulls up to pull himself off, jerking off over AJ’s sticky crotch with one hand and using the other to grab into AJ’s hair, making him open his eyes and look at Kenny’s cum spilling out, coating his softening dick with more slick.

“Oh fuck, oh God, I’m so messy, oh shit-” AJ mutters, hips now still and his legs falling further open, shorts wrenched down under his sodden crotch.

Kenny feels like he needs to collapse, trying to refocus his eyes after how hard he came. AJ’s so beautiful, looking so wrecked and sticky. He’s laid out like a treat, ring gear completely ruined with cum and oil.

Completely ruined.

“OH FUCK, AJ, GET UP – WE’VE GOT A MATCH.”

[fieldnotesconfidential]

At What Point Does The Patience Wear Out: A Seminar

*from the other room* Alright. We have someone in from our stalking unit to give you guys a few pointers on spotting problems and perps as we’ve seen a significant upswing in missing persons and deaths of stalking victims lately. Take it away, Agent.

👩🏼‍🎓Thank you all for being here today. This is actually part of my final thesis so thank you for helping a student as well.👩🏼‍🎓

🐲Well, it’s the weekend so you are super f*cking welcome.🐲

👹Dont be a d*ck.👹

⚡️Is there coffee or...⚡️

💃🏼Can I go to the bathroom really quick?💃🏼

*from the other room* GUYS! PLEASE!

👩🏼‍🎓Alright then, who can tell me a sign that a civilian is in an unsafe situation.👩🏼‍🎓

👹Oh! That thing where they are talking louder than necessary or putting emphasis on certain words that seem out of place or obviously having a conversation with one person hoping the other person can hear as an insult directed at the person they are taking to in an attempt to push them away or as an insult or signal to the other person they are directing it to.👹

👩🏼‍🎓Um... kind of? That’s more just a testament to someone’s maturity level, but if it’s repeated and coming from the same person then obviously there is a concern there. Here, let’s try this. What if you are on your lunch break or on some case you’d rather put a shotgun directly into your mouth and pull the trigger than be stuck having to be in.👩🏼‍🎓

🐲You know that’s right!🐲

👩🏼‍🎓What are some ways that you could detect someone is in trouble in a public place when they are not giving any extremely obvious queues. Most likely out of general fear or of consequences from retaliation. Anyone?👩🏼‍🎓

👹Oh! Um, signs of extreme anxiety or intoxication from some kind of hallucinogen or other drug. Or drinking way too much. Acting confused or scared around the person they are with.👹

👩🏼‍🎓Correct! Those are all important signs! And what so we do in those situations?👩🏼‍🎓

💃🏼Mind our own goddamn business!💃🏼

*from the other room* GODDAMMIT!

👩🏼‍🎓No! It’s okay. Yes, that is true, however, remember, as federal agents, even off duty, if you see something at the very least file a note. I understand each and every one of you have been given an access point app to document minor-yet-concerning civilian activity in order for our active threat team to organize and track data, correct? We have an extremely volitile terror cell in this country made up of our citizens and we have to completely dismantle this from the inside and that takes just a little bit of help from each of you.👩🏼‍🎓

*from the other room* YOU PEOPLE DO NOT JUST HAVE THOSE PHONES FOR POSTING SELFIES TO INSTAGRAM!

👽What??? I don’t have an app or a phone!👽

👩🏼‍🎓Okay then, moving on! What is a bigger threat, a stalker who is relentless against a target or a target that has had repeated stalking incidents?👩🏼‍🎓

💃🏼The second one!💃🏼

👩🏼‍🎓Correct!!! Depending on the severity of the incident or incidents, a stalking victim could have sustained psychological damage that would place them in a potential assaliant role. If they feel repeated threat and that continues, real or imagined, do we have a problem on our hands?👩🏼‍🎓

🐲Yes! Because depending on the psychological damage they could lash out and kill someone who they thought was their abuser!🐲

👩🏼‍🎓Correct! What is the term we call that? When someone is unable to decipher the difference between faces or people or confuses people with others based on speech, tone or style due to repeated trauma or psychological concerns? Anyone? Anyone? Okay we’ll come back to that word. Consider it homework! You all have met Agent, here, correct?👩🏼‍🎓

Hey Guys!

👩🏼‍🎓Agent you have been specifically trained in all of this and can quickly spot this in people and instances. You’ve also specifically faked this phenomena in order to get extremely close and smack dab in the middle of some very complex and concerning cases. You’ve gotten very close and won the unwavering trust of some extremely dangerous people. How do you feign these complex psychological symptoms and situations to such textbook accuracy so that we can make such progress in these cases?👩🏼‍🎓

Uh, I’m not 100% on that. They don’t really pay me adequately so...

🐲Hahahahahah! Chump!🐲

I get a great deal of personal satisfaction using this skill set for good. None of you can determine an “expertly” practiced impersonated voice from the victim’s. None of you have watched an organized group teach itself a dialect and then attempt to use it as both a weapon and recruitment technique. We are on the verge of dismantling a very large and organized online threat that has been active for years. Give me some credit.

👹Honestly a paycheck is what you need.👹

*from the other room* Please do not discuss your personal pay situations here, PLEASE!

👩🏼‍🎓Okay, I feel like we are getting off topic here. For the next 30 minutes I want you guys to write through one of your most memorable and complex cases... wait, are all of these agents on top level clearance?👩🏼‍🎓

*from the other room* Yes, except for the Alien but he’ll just berate it out of someone or tap into files anyway so there is nothing on current file that is restricted from the people in this room.

👩🏼‍🎓Okay, great! So, all of you please write through an extremely complex case and we are going to dissect each one for some of the hidden nuances that you may have missed at the time that possibly contributed to making that case so difficult. Today is about getting better!👩🏼‍🎓

🗿CAN I GET A DONUT FROM THE BREAKROOM IF WE ARE GOING TO WRITE BECAUSE I NEED SUGAR SO I CAN THINK ABOUT WHAT WORDS I AM GONNA USE SO THAT THEN I C...🗿

👩🏼‍🎓Yes, all of you can have a 15 minute break before we start.👩🏼‍🎓

*from the other room* BE BACK HERE IN FIFTEEN OR I AM TAKING ALL PHONES AWAY UNTIL THE END OF THE SEMINAR.

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 23

THE 03/22/17 UPDATE

gASP! What’s this? Could it be? Consistent updates? Wow, I am on F I R E. Let’s see if this lasts more than two days. Anyhoo, last time on Act Omega, we were getting caught up with team PMMVKFSLAD (real fun to pronounce). The ragtag group of leftovers from the deadly laser pointer that is Lord English. United by the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, they shall overcome this challenge and persevere! If Vriska chills the fuck out, that is.

VRISKA.. Just chill out, let a semi good thing be a semi good thing. Even if the amount of good makes up like like... -16% of the thing. 

I’m having another moment where I just suddenly snap out of typing mode, and look at what I’m writing, and question if I can even qualify as a competent human being.

*click* oh hey, nothings here. *refresh* ah, fckingn OTHING *refresh* GDI I gOTTA LIVEBLOG TO WRITE *REFRESH* WHERE IS THE PANEL MSPFA I WILL LITERALLY FIND THE PEOPLE RUNNING YOUR SERVERS AND STRANGLE THEM *Refresh* Ah. There it is.

This is good Vriska. This is acceptance. You may be running a team full of morons with no motivation whatsoever. But you’re also running a team full of morons with no motivation whatsoever with a powerful LEADER. And as that powerful leader, you will UNITE THE SEA AND LAND DWELLERS AS ONE RACE, AND REDEFINE CULLING FOR YOUR ENTIRE RACE.

Ahem. I mean, you’ll use the power of friendship or something to kill lord english. wooooo.

VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine. VRISKA: Thank you. VRISKA: For........ VRISKA: Sticking around. I guess.

Good girl. Now hold hands with them and write a song about your friendship.

Oh goodness, some more friends to add to the bunch. Equius and Horrus. I guess it’s time to update team PMMVKFSLAD to... PEMMVKFSHLAD. Even funner to pronounce.

VRISKA: Well. Might as well t8ke stock of our freshly downsized crew.

Dammit, have I been wasting my time keeping track?

VRISKA: There's myself, Meenah, Tavros, Aradia, Sollux...

SMAVT (these arent gonna stop being fun to pronounce.)

VRISKA: Davepeta, I guess? Whoever you are?

Come on Vriska, COME ON... Obviously it’s a dead Nepeta who was prototyped fused with a bird version of Dave from another timeline who was also prototyped in order to create the most badass sprite yet.

VRISKA: Feferi, hi. Nice to see you, I guess. At least, one version of you.

Pft. I just love this greeting for some reason. There’s something about the words “Feferi, hi. Nice to see you, I guess.” That keeps making me laugh for some reason.

VRISKA: Equius! Yeah, hey neigh8or. Lovin’ the new getup.

Goddamnit Vriska quit talking so casually I’m giggling like an idiot.

VRISKA: A 8unch of dancestors? I swear I know all your names. VRISKA: Aaaaaaaand that’s. It. VRISKA: Like... 13 people. VRISKA: That’s just. VRISKA: SWELL!

Vriska, you must fight the urge to off 5 of these suckers. Also, just gonna check and see if my math adds up. Alright, nope. PEMMVKFSHLAD only has 12, which means I haven’t seen everybody yet or Vriska’s counting was wrong. Or there are two Kankri’s but let’s just pray that isn’t the case. Also just gonna mention the fact that Horrus looks really upset over there.

I’m just gonna hope this isn’t sarcastic happiness.

VRISKA: Well at least I know pretty much everyone here! For the most part! VRISKA: 8etter than nothing! A decent collection of powers and skills. VRISKA: Davepeta, you have wings, and claws, and pro8a8ly some com8in8tion of time and heart powers that HAVE to come in handy somehow, right? VRISKA: Yeah!! VRISKA: Hahahaha!

Ooooh fuck. She’s gonna lose it.

(that goddamn moment when you forget how to put images on tumblr posts and then beat yourself up about it because you feel like a dunce)

Hmm. Yeah. Yep, she seems happy. Good.

VRISKA: This is fine! Everything is fine! VRISKA: I can TOTALLY work with this!

That’s right Vriska! Just embrace the power of friendship!!

VRISKA: And I know exactly what went wrong with the plan! VRISKA: Don’t 8et all your money on one horse! A horse that you don’t even know for sure is a8le to run!!

Oh it sure did run. It ran right on outta here with your fiancé (gotta get the fancy e) on it’s back. Too bad it didn’t just. Ride away with Lord English.

 VRISKA: Stupid, stupid, dum8!!!!!!!!

: )

VRISKA: 8ut I can learn from my mist8kes. Just like I always have. Say something doesn’t work. So what? Get right 8ack up and keep trying! Look at it from a new angle. 8ecause there is w8y too much at st8ke not to!

You’re goddamn right Vriska! I mean, if Lord English destroys the universe, Jade can’t totally get with Rose- Oh right. Jade’s all grimbark and shit. And I just remembered, that battle’s still going on isn’t it. Ha ha. Why do I pray for these ships to be canon. Are they really the most important thing for me during this fuckfest?

VRISKA: I 8et there's a totally reasona8le explan8tion for everything that went sideways. What the weapon actually fucking did. Why my luck ran out. Whatever that HUGE G8PING HOLE in the Furthest Ring is!

s’called the Green Hole™, learn the lingo sweetie.

VRISKA: I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

Did somebody say overused and practically decaying meme?

Yeah. Nobody said that.

OH FUCK THAT’S A TROLL I THOUGHT THAT WAS A WEIRD STRUCTURE OR SOMETHING? AND. It’s Aranea. Just who we needed to see right now. Hopefully she doesn’t get everybody killed again! :  )

VRISKA: No fix8ting on the past. That’s all 8ehind me. VRISKA: I just have to FOCUS. I’m sure the answer is right in front of my f8ce. VRISKA: Hell, may8e it’s been lying in pl8in sight this entire time!

Yes, and the answer is to LEAVE right now before anymore trolls join your lil powwow.

MEENAH: yo fishka MEENAH: dont mean to burst your bubble or nothin MEENAH: like watchin you lose it and blubber at yourshellf has got a serious entertainment factor MEENAH: but you might wanna actually MEENAH: look behind you

NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS ENTERTAINING, And now is NOT the time to look behind you because we don’t need Vriska gone wrong fucking everything up with her hidden agenda’s again.

Goddammit stop acknowledging  h e r 

VRISKA: What NOW?!

VRISKA’S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS. I’M NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS. NOBODY’S GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

VRISKA: Uh.

UH IN FUCKING DEED. SHE BETTER NOT PROPOSE SOME PLAN HERE, BECAUSE SHE IS LITERALLY MORE OBSESSED WITH HERSELF THAN VRISKA FUCKING SERKET, AND LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY IT COULD END IF THEY FOLLOW HER ADVICE IS WITH HER COMING OFF AS SOME HERO. I SWEAR IF SHE’S WEARING SOME SHIT EATING GRIN IN THE NEXT PANEL. IT FEELS LIKE SHE’S GONNA BE WEARING SOME SHIT EATING GRIN IN THE NEXT PANEL.

FKAJHLSPOI:BGIBDSHFBDUIBFSDOIBFAISPHBVCP*#HRUQ(PHURBEFID

F U C K  Y O U  A N D  Y O U R  F U C K I N G  F A C E  Y O U  S P I D E R  B I T C H ^ 2

ARANEA: Why, hello there!

Fuck you

ARANEA: It sounds to me like you might 8e in need of my particular talents and services.

FFFUCK... you

ARANEA: Luckily for you, I’ve come to offer just that.

FUCK YOU...

ARANEA: You’re welcome, in advance.

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. IM. IM DONE HERE. ARANEA, UNLESS YOUVE SHAPED YOUR SHIT UP I HOPE EVERYBODY HERE TAKES TURNS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF YOU

ALRIGHT

ALRIGHT.

Alright.

Alright...

Calm...

That’s the end of the update.

this was a fun one.

wooopty dooooo......

alrighty, bladda bladda outro seeya later

spider bitch^2

[houseofglass]

ABO Virus: Pack Life Chapter 12 - Realization

Your trusty AO3 link

Dean wandered in the depths of his mind. He was lost, scared, and alone. He couldn't see, couldn't find his way home. There was no Hell, no purgatory, no Heaven. Just unending darkness. He kept wandering, hoping to find his way.

*

Cas had no idea how long he was there. He was only vaguely aware of the nurses coming and going. A rustling caught his attention, but it was just Sam, fixing Dean's sheet slightly. The nurse had come and changed the pad under Dean's butt and checked his vitals. Cas tried not to see the alarming amount of blood on the pad but it was now burned into his memory forever. Another lost pup.

Sam was exhausted. Cas' light remained steady in the dark channel, but Sam was starting to seriously wonder if he could keep his comfort up. Part of him wanted to lie down next to Dean, shove him over and curl up to him. There were too many wires though, and he didn't want to accidentally knock the wrong one loose. He closed his eyes and switched tasks. Instead of comfort, he added a light next to Cas'.

*

Dean sensed something different in his darkness. He had been comfortable, soft waves of Sammy had been washing over him and now were gone. When he looked around, he saw a glimmer of something. Something that reminded him of sunshine. Something that reminded him of good things in the world. Rather than wait for it to come to him, he went to it.

*

Sam felt the barest clutch of Dean's hand. “Cas,” he breathed, not ready to accept that he actually felt Dean move.

Cas' head snapped up, eyes fixing on Sam for a second before moving to his mate.

“Dean,” Sam whispered urgently. “Dean, can you hear me? It's Sam. And Cas. Dean?” Sam put a hand on Dean's purple cheek.

“Dean,” Cas pleaded softly.

Dean moved his head into the nice, warm hand. He heard his name in that gravelly voice he loved long before he admitted it to himself. Cas, he thought, Cas is here. Sammy is here. He struggled for a bit, not understanding why waking was so difficult. When he finally broke free he opened his eyes, squinting in the low light. “Cas?” he rasped. “Sam?”

“Dean! Oh thank Chuck,” Sam breathed, feeling like he was going to collapse with relief.

Cas couldn't speak. The tears had come back and he couldn't stop them. He leaned forward to kiss Dean's forehead gently instead of trying to talk.

Why is Cas crying? This doesn't feel like home. Dean tried to piece together the bit of information he could see. He was in a hospital bed. Cas and Sam were here. He hurt everywhere. There was something important. He had news! Good news! “Cas,” he croaked, “Cas I....” Dean could feel the confusion mounting. He had news. He remembered. He was driving. He was scared. Then he wasn't. He decided it was good. What was good? He couldn't remember. Driving. Driving Baby. He remembered driving Baby in the sun. A woman. He talked to a woman. About pups. He was pregnant! That was his news! “Cas,” he tried again, more urgently.

“Dean, it's ok,” Sam smoothed the hair over Dean's head, mindful of the lump. “It's ok Dean.”

Sam was crying. Why was Sam crying? Dean looked to Cas, who was still crying. He could cheer them up. He had good news! “Sam. Sammy. Cas. I'm pre.....I'm...” something was wrong. Where was the spark? Why was his ass in a puddle? He hurt so much. His belly hurt. He stared at his belly. There was no spark. “....no.....no I'm.....no, Cas? Cas! Sam!” He tried to sit up but couldn't, and instead felt a gush of wetness come out of his backside.

“Dean, stay calm for me, ok?” Sam sniffled. “You were in a car accident. Do you remember it?”

Accident? No. No he was driving. The room door opened, taking Dean's attention away, and letting the memory of the ruined windshield pop up. Before he could speak, the nurse was talking.

“Hello Mr. Winchester. Welcome back. I need to check on you,” he said quietly. Dean watched the nurse firmly move Sam aside so he could check the monitor and make notes. He checked the IV lines and made more notes. “I'm going to get the doctor now, ok Mr. Winchester? Rest up, don't move around too much.” The nurse left without giving any information away.

“Accident?” Dean whispered, still searching for the spark. “Cas? Sam? I.....” he put his hand on his lower belly as if he could feel the spark through the cloth, skin, and muscle. “Where's my pup?” he asked, barely audible. He absolutely did not want to believe what his body was telling him, that his pup was no more.

Sam did not think Cas could cry harder, but he did.

“Dean,” Cas wrenched out. He wanted to hold Dean so badly but he didn't want to make his injuries worse. Compromise won out, he leaned in and gathered his mate up as best he could. “You're ok,” he practically wailed into Dean's ear.

“Ok yeah Cas I'm fine. But...” Dean tried to hug back but ended up weakly petting Cas' shoulder while he sought out Sam's eyes. What he saw in them broke his heart into a million pieces. Neither mate needed to speak. Dean could see through the channels. He miscarried. He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out. Numbness flooded him while he retreated back inside himself. He didn't notice Dr. Jones entering.

“Castiel, please,” Dr. Jones ordered gently, helping him to sit back down. “Dean. Look at me.” Dean did. She checked his eyes and vitals. “Do you know where you are?”

Dean nodded.

“Do you know what happened?”

He nodded again, barely.

“Dean. You have a head injury and have been unconscious. I need your answers out loud if you are able. Tell me where you are please,” she insisted firmly.

“Hospital,” he stated flatly.

“Tell me what happened.”

“Car accident.” Dean gulped as tears flowed past the corners of his eyes and into his ears. “Miscarriage.”

“Yes. I'm going to keep you here at least until late tomorrow. There are some tests I need to run. If they come out all right, you may go home.” She squeezed Dean's arm slightly and turned her attention to the two weeping men by the bed. “One of you will need to remain home with him for a day or two for observation. Can I count on that?”

Both men nodded as they cleaned their faces. Sam glanced at Dean. He was glassy eyed and mute.

“Normally we don't allow families to spend the night,” Dr. Jones started, looking at her watch, “but-”

“We aren't leaving,” Cas declared, preparing to call on every ounce of Alpha and residual grace to get his way if necessary.

Dr. Jones nodded wearily. “That's what I assumed. Thank you in advance for your considerate behaviour with the staff as they check on Dean. I'll do my best not to have the other bed assigned so the room can remain private for the night. No guarantees.” She checked to make sure both men understood before turning back to her patient. “Dean. How is your pain?”

Dean just closed his eyes and rolled his head away from her. He welcomed the pain. It helped him not think about how he obviously didn't deserve to have children. How he failed his pack. How he was careless. How he was unfit.

“Let the nurse know if you need more pain management,” Dr. Jones told Dean, suspecting he could hear her and was just shutting her out. She resolved to have the nurses check his vitals every hour, making a note on the chart to track his mental state as well when possible. “I'll be back in a few hours,” she informed them before leaving.

*

Dean stared at the ceiling, crying silently, while his mates slept in the chairs. He bashed himself for his foolishness in driving. He should have stayed home. He should have just told Cas and Sam that he needed some time alone to think. His stupidity cost them a pup.

The door swished open, bringing Dr. Jones inside. “How are you feeling?” she murmured as she checked his chart.

Dean just grunted.

“It might help if you talk about it,” she suggested, keeping her voice low so she wouldn't wake the two men.

Dean had a few choice words, none of which seemed appropriate right now. “Was stupid,” was all he could manage.

“What was stupid?”

“Me,” he cried harder. “I just wanted to kn-know how I f-felt,” he sobbed.

“No. Driving is perfectly safe when you are pregnant,” she assured him. “Wanting time to process your emotions is normal. You are not at fault.”

Dean didn't believe her. Not even a little. If he'd stayed home, he'd still be pregnant.

“Not necessarily,” she retorted gently.

He hadn't been aware he spoke out loud. “What do you mean?”

“Many Omegas spontaneously miscarry. It's not as uncommon as you may believe,” she explained as she began a basic exam. “The virus is still new, men's bodies don't always adjust to pregnancy easily.”

“Some have lots of pups,” he sulked.

“Yes. Some do. And many don't. The problem may not be with you.” The look on Dean's face made her chuckle a bit. “I mean, it could be a problem with one of your mate's sperm. We can have that tested easily. If their tests come back without problems and you are still unable to carry a pup, we can test you as well. I don't recommend it at the moment because of the nature of the loss of your pups. But if you try and are unable to get pregnant again, or unable to carry to term, we can run some tests. Don't make any decisions about any of that right now,” she advised firmly but gently.

Dean nodded slowly. He still couldn't shake the idea that it was his fault, regardless of everything she said. He'd acted unforgivably. Twice. There was nothing more to say on the subject. He closed his eyes, barely noticing when she left the room.

*

The night was the longest night in the history of nights, according to Sam. When he was awake, he watched Dean drift in and out of sleep, disturbed gently by the nurses as they checked on him. Cas had managed to stop crying at some point, Sam too exhausted to tell exactly when. The gentle sound of his phone alarm startled him out of a doze. “Goddammit all to hell,” he muttered, realizing he was supposed to teach today. He excused himself from the room and called the dean, informing him of the accident and his inability to come in for a few days. He was mildly surprised when the dean told him to take a full week and reassess after that, saying his courses would be taught by the TA in the interim. While he was outside the room, he called Charlie with the news, letting her know not to expect much help from Cas over the next few days. She was remarkably understanding, as always. Next he called the police to ask which impound lot was currently housing the Impala. He got the location and gulped a bit when he found out there was a per day charge in addition to the towing and docking fees. He re-entered the room to see Cas staring into space and Dean resting with his eyes closed.

“Cas,” he started when he came back into the room, “can I talk to you? Outside?”

“You can talk here,” Dean deadpanned without opening his eyes.

“I think you need your rest,” Cas rumbled lowly.

“Fine. Leave me.” If he could have rolled over, he would. As it was, he hurt too much to actually move.

Sam watched Cas' face crumple up as he leaned in to kiss Dean's forehead. When he sat back down he said, “what do you need Sam?”

“I called Charlie for you and told her not to expect your help for a while. We also have to get the Impala back to the bunker,” Sam updated quietly.

“Baby?” Dean cracked his eyes open.

“Yeah Dean, it was towed and is in an impound lot.” Sam was thrilled Dean was showing even the faintest bit of interest, even if the subject matter seemed gruesome.

Cas was torn. He didn't want to leave Dean's side, but he also needed some time to pull himself together. Sam stepped in before he could make up his mind about what to do.

“Cas, I'll stay with Dean. I'll text you with the location of the lot, go there and meet a tow truck to get it to the bunker,” he offered.

“Thank you Sam.” Cas watched Dean and probed his channel for any whisper of Dean needing him to stay.

“Get out of my head, Cas,” Dean warned.

“No.”

That made Dean fully open his eyes and focus on Cas. “What?”

“I said no, Dean. I will continue to check on you frequently. Yes I can break through your barrier. No I don't see it as an invasion of privacy, not after what you have been through. I will not have you blame yourself for what happened. I will not allow you to wallow in self pity. I love you Dean. Between Sam and I, we will see you through this. That includes me being 'in your head' as you put it.”

Dean was flabbergasted. The part of him that thought Cas was going to blame him for the loss of another pup was much larger than he'd thought. “You don't....”

“No Dean. I don't blame you. It was an accident. Nothing more.” Cas pulled Dean into another awkward hug, this time Dean managed to sort of hug back. “What's most important is that you are all right.”

“Cas....” Dean watched him as he pulled away from the hug but not go too far. “....what about the pup....I shouldn't have been able to have the second one....I don't....” Dean whispered, tears making it hard to continue. “....was gonna keep it.....” he added almost inaudibly.

Cas' heart squeezed HARD at the knowledge that Dean was planning on having the pup this time. “One thing at a time,” he breathed, partly for himself, partly for Dean. “You need to get better. Just rest for me,” Cas affirmed.

Dean just nodded, he didn't know what to say anyway, except 'yes' to some pain medication the next time he was offered it.

“On it,” Sam informed him after reading the expression of agony on Dean's face when he shifted in the bed slightly. A quick check of the channel confirmed his thought that Dean wanted something to make him more comfortable. He left the room to flag down a nurse, who checked Dean's chart to see what Dr. Jones prescribed, then administered it with a notation on the chart.

Within moments Dean in a floaty, fuzzy land where he could remember happiness, even if he didn't feel it.

*

Cas took the keys from Sam and went to the pickup truck. Rather than drive immediately, he let himself completely fall apart in the driver's seat. As he wailed and sobbed he yelled at himself in his own head, chiding himself for not being supportive enough for Dean to come to him instead of run away when he was frightened. When he felt calm enough to see straight, he vowed he would be a better leader for his pack, he would do whatever he could to support them and show them he was worthy of the Winchester name.

[itsiotrecords-blog]

http://ift.tt/2u00Wfv

—‘’“”–S*x is one of the healthiest and most enjoyable things on the planet. The typical male ego often leaves them thinking that they have the s*xual prowess of a Greek god without a doubt. How many times has a male banged away and thought it was the best that she has ever had? However, those common masculine ideas may not be what’s running through the mind of the woman next to you. Sometimes, the woman’s mind runs wild while a man is humping away. But none of their thoughts relate to s*x. It has been reported that women tend to fantasize during s*x more than men do. There are positives to those fantasies as women can disconnect from stressors that interfere with arousal. They might even become more interested in the s*x that they’re having. Fortunately, men can come up with solutions to help a woman disconnect like giving a massage, providing stimulation with his hand or using a vibrator on a low setting. The things lingering in the female head ranges from erotic to weird. Most women wouldn’t openly admit their thoughts, but praise the Internet because those same women took to Reddit to confess a wide range of thoughts they’ve had during s*x. Women aren’t simple at all. Whether you want to know what your woman could’ve been thinking about or just want to read the confessions in its entirely, then you’ve come to the right place. Here are 15 confessions of what women are really thinking when “doing it.”

#1 Cats Cats are frequently dubbed as women’s best friend, but for a good reason. The small domesticated feline mammals have soft fur, short noses, and retractile claws. They’re soft and cuddly. Plus, they want nothing more than to love you. But sometimes, all the cat wants is our undivided attention. In a Reddit thread, a female user confessed that she thinks about her partner during s*x, but then diverted to the animal-based thought of cats. Yes, cats. She wrote in all caps “GODDAMMIT CATS, STOP SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR AND YOWLING.” Here are a few simple solutions for the user: Put a scratching post outside your door and rub it with catnip so your cat can scratch there instead. Also, you can leave a cozy bed outside your door that smells exactly like you. Distracting your cat is the right thing to do. Cats won’t bother your lovemaking time unless you let them affect you and your partner.

#2 Apples Apples are round fruits of a tree in the rose family. They usually have a thin red or green skin with crisp flesh on the inside. Most of them offer a tasty balance of both sweet and tart flavors for the average palate. Apples are a staple in everyday cooking from apple pies to apple ciders. They’re also a skin nourisher as many beauty supply stores such as Bath & Body Works supply apple-scented lotions. A female Reddit user confessed to thinking about apples during the deed. She wrote, “One time I was enjoying the moment and BOOM I thought about apples. No idea why, I just couldn’t get them out of my head. Then there’s the internal dialogue of “stop thinking about apples and just enjoy it” and “why the fuck are you still thinking about apples” but I really couldn’t concentrate anymore. Not every time, but now, on occasion, I get the thoughts of “remember that one time you thought about apples?” Apparently, apples are a major distraction to the user.

#3 The 1957 Milwaukee Braves Starting Lineup You most likely never witnessed one of the 1957 Milwaukee Braves starting lineups because it was a real blast from the past. For all you baseball fans out there, the Atlanta Braves have had a long history dating back to 1871 when it was founded in Boston, Massachusetts as the Boston Red Stockings. The team operated as the Boston Braves for about half of the 20th century. In 1953, the team moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and became the Milwaukee Braves. The team then moved to Atlanta, Georgia in 1966 and has been known as the Atlanta Braves ever since. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought about the 1957 Milwaukee Braves roster during s*x. The team won its first pennant in nine years in 1957 behind Hank Aaron’s MVP season as he led the National League in home runs and runs batted in. The user apparently came in first; if you know what I mean.

#4 Star Wars You may not be interested in it, but Star Wars is an epic space opera franchise that’s focused on a film series that was created by filmmaker and entrepreneur George Lucas. The franchise began in 1977 after the release of the original film Star Wars. It was followed by the sequels The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, and Star Wars: The Force Awakens along with its spin-offs Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Rogue One. A female Reddit user confessed that she thinks about Star Wars during s*x. She also admitted that she mentally listed all the characters in Star Wars and the actors who played them.  By the way, she didn’t receive any comments on her post. What a way to describe your desires. I’ll put it that way.

#5 Sandwiches A sandwich tends to be loaded with carbohydrates, but it’s a common lunch food nonetheless. A sandwich consists of two or more slices of bread with one or more fillings between them. A variation of the sandwich—an open-faced sandwich—consists of a single slice of bread with one or more fillings on top. Fun fact: The sandwich was named after British statesman John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A female Reddit user made a detailed confession. She wrote, “if i have already c*m & am working on getting him off my attention is mostly on him…mostly. in the back of my mind, i am thinking of what kind of sandwich i want to make when im done. i always need a good sandwich after s*x or a pot roast :p” It seems like the user likes to plan meals ahead of time to stick to her diet and lose weight, or she just really likes food.

#6 Kissing Kissing is the simplest act of romance, yet it can also be equally erotic and sensual. A kiss is the touch or pressing of one’s lips against another person or an object. In this case, kissing is between two people, and it can include a slight touch or contact. There will be times when negative thoughts or doubts will creep into the female mind when she’s kissing her partner. A female Reddit user supposedly didn’t stop all the negative thoughts before they affected her. She confessed in a mini rant, saying, “Why the f*ck doesn’t he compliment me? He’s just focused in kissing my neck. Does that mean that my neck is sexy or that the rest of my body is horrible? And what does he think about my legs? Are they more attractive than his previous lover?” Although one should never be completely silent during s*x, there’s no need to ask a lot of questions. It’s as bad as a dentist asking you questions while their fingers are in your mouth.

#7 Asthma Inhalers Asthma inhalers can save one’s life. They’re the most important medication for the majority of people suffering with asthma. These inhalers prevent asthma attacks and reduce swelling and mucus production in one’s airways. As a result, one’s airways become less sensitive and less likely to react to asthma-related triggers and cause asthma symptoms. There are four types of inhalers—Short-acting brochodilators, long-acting brochodilators, anticholinergic bronchodilators, and bronchdilator theophylline. Everyone needs to know their own asthma needs. A female Reddit user confessed that she forgot to use her inhaler before s*x. She wrote, “I should probably grab my inhaler. wheeeeeeezeeee.” S*x should be enjoyable, but it can trigger asthma attacks or allergic reactions among susceptible victims. Inhalers aren’t sexy, but taking one or two puffs shortly before the encounter could prevent the dreaded asthma symptoms. It has been reported that more than two-thirds of people with asthma have said that their disease got in the way of their s*x lives. Don’t let that happen to you…ever!

#8 Paying The Bills Paying bills is a chore for most people. Aside from the wealthiest one percent, we’d all love to have the chance to spend some cash on ourselves as well as our loved ones. Bills can affect a person’s mental health and cause mood disorders such as anxiety and depression. On top of that, extra payments like credit card debt, college loans, and medical bills can intensify the existing situation. If you have borrowed money to pay those bills, you might’ve fallen into debt and were succumbed to all sorts of problems that have nothing to do with finances. A female Reddit confessed to having a passing thought to remember the pay the bills. She bluntly wrote, “If I paid the bills.” in response to a thread asking women what they think about during s*x. The need to pay bills is an important task on one’s to-do list. That being said, it should never be ignored. But, stress can affect your s*x life, and it’s always best to communicate about it.

#9 Their Partner’s Body Doing the deed can be extremely awkward. But once you’re comfortable with your partner’s body, everything will be alright. Each person’s body goes through a range of changes during s*x. Scientists have categorized the body’s process into four stages—arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Each stage includes its own set of changes; some of which can be significant. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought of her partner’s body while doing it. She wrote, “I observe my partner and try to figure out what his body language is telling me, because for a chick, it’s pretty simple—that one angle, position and speed and you’re off in 5-8 minutes. If it’s anything else, I can go for up to an hour or more.” The user is doing the right thing as she’s paying attention to her partner’s body in order to have the best possible s*x, plus the adrenaline will cause her heart rate to rise.

#10 If Their Partner Is Enjoying It Okay, this is another example that may hint at low self-esteem, but it’s worth the mention because s*x is like oxygen, and you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. You really don’t. A female Reddit user confessed that she never really thinks about anything during s*x, just enjoys the moment, and hope her partner does too. She wrote, “I’m never usually thinking, just enjoying. Maybe sometimes he wants to switch up positions or he can let me know if something hurt.” This isn’t a bad thing because the user is being thoughtful and considerate towards her partner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. We all know that doing the deed feels amazing, so why overthink while doing the x-rated deed? Getting to a level where you’re s*xually comfortable with your partner is quite the feat. It’s all part of the fun. From there, it will only get better between the duo.

#11 How Good Every Thrust Feels To thrust is to go in and out of a woman’s V really fast. It’s a way to increase pleasure and last longer in bed. It’s all about the speed, depth, and rhythm. With each thrust, a woman’s s*xual pleasure increases as thousands of nerves are stimulated. Many women prefer the harder type of thrusting because it helps them become more relaxed and aroused. A female Reddit user confessed that she loves her partner’s thrusts. She wrote, “How much I love him and how good every thrust feels! Sometimes I do worry if I am doing a good job or if I look good while we’re at it.” Alright, the user’s statement wasn’t completely positive, but dealing with low self-esteem is another thing. The main thing is that she loves her partner’s body and his thrusts in and out of her. That being said, the couple seems to have incredibly strong emotional and s*xual connections with each other.

#12 Making Sure Their Partner’s Needs Are Met Emotional hunger can occur when one or both partners aren’t getting their core emotional needs met. What can make this situation knotty is that you don’t know what those needs are without communicating, unless if you’re psychic and have the ability to read minds. A female Reddit user confessed to wondering if her husband’s needs are met. She wrote, “My priority is making sure my husband’s needs are met. That way, I don’t feel guilty about what I’m doing to his body at the moment.” The user’s husband may have met her needs, but she doesn’t know if she fulfilled his needs. Since she’s in bed with her husband, she may not be able to communicate clearly, depending on the fact if he minds or doesn’t mind talking during s*x. That’s why she’s thinking about his needs until she has some time to talk things out with him after making observations.

#13 The Person They’re Doing It With Focus is a very important thing. If you’re spending all your time thinking about other things and never just focusing on the person you’re having s*x with, then that’s the issue. To focus is to concentrate, and without focus, there’s no real satisfaction in the process. Of course, there are going to be times where one or both partners’ train of thoughts will divert, but they’ll be fine as long as they both want to have a good time. A female Reddit user confessed that she only thinks about the person she’s having s*x with and nobody else. She wrote, “I only ever think about the person I am having s*x with. How they look, feel, sweat, smell, c*m, taste, kiss, sound etc…” The user clearly stays in the moment, which is a good thing. After all, s*x is like a conversation that consists of bodies instead of words. It’s important for both partners to think about what they can do to make themselves even closer to each other.

#14 Angles No, not the angles that teachers and students use in mathematics. The angle is arguably very important during s*x because it’s an open secret to more intense, enjoyable s*x. Some women think about angles while in bed, especially if they’re insecure. A female Reddit user said that her thoughts differed depending on who’s in charge in the bedroom. She wrote, “Depends who is in charge. If he is, I’m thinking about his rhythm and how he feels inside me, thinking of I can get a better angle, the noises we’re making and my breathing. If I’m in charge I’m thinking about getting myself off, and hoping I look good while doing so.” Low self-esteem can make or break a naughty encounter. S*x can accomplish many different purposes, but the user doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself while spending time with her partner. She’s actually thinking about every little movement, and that can raise an issue if it hasn’t already.

#15 “Dead Puppies” By Dr. Demento Here’s another blast from the past. The song “Dead Puppies” actually originated from a radio show called Dr. Demento. The main host of the show is Baret Eugene “Barry” Hansen, better known as Dr. Demento. He came up with the persona of Dr. Demento while working at Pasadena-based radio station KPPC, which is now defunct. He included offbeat novelties in his rock oldies that generated positive responses from his listeners. This led to him being able to turn it into an all-novelty show. The show lasted until 2011. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought of “Dead Puppies” by Dr. Demento during the deed. Why? Because it’s the only way to not let the first one off too fast. Another user commented on the post saying that it was a great song to listen to. Perhaps the user didn’t enjoy the deed she had with her partner because dead puppies aren’t much fun.

Source: TheRichest