#but highly doubt my friends would like music like mine???? its a whole thing. i am not introducing them to grindcore

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

my friend: i want to listen to more music :(

my friend: billy. you should send me some of your music. show me some sick metal punk whatever music.

me: *shaking with excitement anxiety in the corner*

me: w-what...?

also me: okay so like... *inserts spotify links*

enemy of the world - four year strong

letters to our former selves - youth fountain

tribulation worksongs - modern life is war

let it enfold you - senses fail

turn on the bright lights - interpol

misery made me - silverstein

for when you're falling backwards - rome hero foxes

lifes not out to get you - neck deep

my friend: GODDAMN

my friend: thanks for the music

[soundsof71]

Hey! Album: 'Fleetwood Mac' (1975) - Fleetwood Mac

Hey! Great to hear from you! You (and your previous blog) were my original inspiration for trying to raise my tumblr game to something intentionally curated, and more than that, personally creative. Sorry to have let you down. LOL

What a pleasure to talk about this one, though, an album I think is -- strangely enough -- one of the most underrated albums in the classic rock pantheon!

What’s that you say? An album with “Rhiannon” and “Landslide” underrated?!?! Well it’s true, seriously underrated, at least partly because those two stellar, nay, legendary songs are the first ones that most people think of. There's so much more! It's definitely my favorite Fleetwood Mac album!

My perspective is a little different than the standard rap that Fleetwood Mac didn't properly begin until those two California kids joined the band in 1975, because to me, they started taking off when their first American joined the band, Bob Welch in 1971 for Future Games, which I wrote about at some length here. 

(For the record, Future Games is my second favorite Fleetwood Mac album. Anyone who hasn't checked it out really needs to.)

I’ll leave it at that for now, except to observe that to most of my music nerd friends at the time, I was a latecomer to Fleetwood Mac the band, having completely missed their earlier, bluesier lineups. Indeed, the 1971 lineup was their 8th! And they'd come to #9 in 1972, before landing on lineup #10 in 1975.

They had a bunch of hits on the five albums in this 71-74 range (”Hypnotized” is one that still slays me) that I think hold up as among their best ever. While the album before Fleetwood Mac, Heroes Are Hard to Find didn’t have a hit single, it rose to #34 on the US charts, and got plenty of attention. 

My point is that Fleetwood Mac didn’t spring into existence out of nowhere in 1975. Nor was 1975 necessarily ground zero for the millions of people who bought the album Fleetwood Mac. It came out in the summer of ‘75, but took 15 months to hit #1 in the US! (It peaked at #11 in the UK.) This was a far bigger album in 1976 when all the singles came out, and the band was touring like crazy to support it.

They basically dragged the album to the top of the charts kicking and screaming by the end of THAT year with relentless touring, setting the stage for their true commercial breakthrough with Rumours in 1977, but artistically? I prefer everything about 1975′s Fleetwood Mac.

btw, the music nerds know that Fleetwood Mac was recorded at Sound City Studios, which makes all the difference in the telling of the tale. In 1974, the band had located to Los Angeles, and following the departure of Bob Welch in December, Mick Fleetwood went looking for both a recording studio and a guitarist. 

While getting to know producer Keith Olsen at Sound City (a studio legendary for its drum sound, among other things), Keith played Mick some tracks from an album he’d recorded here a couple of years earlier with a local guitarist and his girlfriend singer, both of whom were also songwriters.

Mick said, I’ll book the studio to record my next album, I’ll book you to produce, and I’ll hire the guitarist....who famously informed Mick that he and his girlfriend were a package deal. All of this happened because of Sound City Studios.

(Here's Mick recording this very album in this very studio.)

Your friend and mine Dave Grohl directed a FANTASTIC documentary about Sound City Studios, a kind of a dump to be honest, but where tons of phenomenal records were made, from After The Gold Rush to Caribou, Damn The Torpedoes, Nevermind, Rage Against The Machine, and most recently, Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher. Lots and lots of stories about the making of Fleetwood Mac in this movie, and much more. 

Here’s the trailer. The whole movie is available on YT, too! And Amazon Prime, and a bunch of other places. HIGHLY recommended!

So here we go taking directly about Fleetwood Mac.....

the first song from the album i heard: "Over My Head". This was the first single released in the US, remarkably, four months after the album was released! I dunno, did the label not want to sell any albums? Or did they just not get how catchy these tunes were? I have no idea.

And ironically, the band didn't like the choice of "Over My Head" at all, ranking it dead-last in their own considerations of likely singles! I think that this is evidence that they were using heavy drugs much earlier than we thought. LOL

"Over My Head" peaked at #20 in the US, their highest to date by far, although, in some defense of the band's reservations, didn't chart at all in the UK. Saying that it rose to "only" 20 in the charts doesn't begin to describe how heavily it was played, though. A LOT.

do i own the album: Did then, Spotify now. The answer for most of the albums in this round of Asks. :-)

my favorite song: "Over My Head". Look, I admit that this is insane when Fleetwood Mac also includes "Landslide" and "Rhiannon." "Landslide" in particular is maybe one of the greatest songs anyone has ever written, and every single person reading this knows somebody named Rhiannon because of that song. (I've met two.) And hey, "Say You Love Me" was a MUCH bigger hit at the time too... but I'm tellin' ya, "Over My Head" fucks. 

It's the single version that fucks hardest, though, no doubt about it. I was disappointed when I finally bought the album that the version there fades in (NO! THIS IS WRONG) and has a wide mix that diffuses the impact. The radio version is so tight that it's practically mono, and it punches you right upside the head. 

One of my favorite things about listening to "Over My Head" in the past couple of weeks for this Ask is that it's Old School Fleetwood Mac. Chris on piano, Mick on drums, and John McVie with what might be the best bassline that anyone stroked out in 1975. My god, it's a fucking monster, and it just gets hotter as the song progresses. By the end, it's on fire, and you hear it so much better in this tight single mix.

The new guy adds a nice little solo on top of a nice rhythm lick, and he and Stevie add background vocals, but they're not front and center. "Over My Head" is really Christine McVie's showcase, although Fleetwood and Mac really shine too. This would have been a monster hit without the new kids, as indeed it pretty much was. You could say the same thing about "Say You Love Me", which is also all about Christine's songcraft, and a voice like no other, then or now.

Here's my edit of a lovely Mick Putland photo of Christine McVie from a couple of years earlier.

I guarantee that it's been way too long since you heard the in-your-face single version of "Over My Head". On Spotify, you can find it on the couple of Deluxe Editions of Fleetwood Mac (here's one), and it's also on the anthology, The Very Best of Fleetwood Mac, which I've embedded here. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw-lIt1ILzk

least favorite song: "I'm So Afraid." I'm so afraid not. LOL

a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: Hmm, I might put "Sugar Daddy" in that category, but honestly, the main thing I don't like about this song is the title. LOL But it's the 4th best Christine McVie song on an album where the best three of hers were all released as singles, so I guess it all works out.

a song I used to like, but now don’t: Anything by the new guy. I'm not going to go into detail here because what I love about this album, I still love. At the time, I dug two of his songs here (you can guess which two, surely), but I started to really despise this guy a few years later. Now, I can't listen to anything where he's prominent at all, on any Fleetwood Mac records.

Fortunately there are more than enough Christine and Stevie songs, and Mick and John's playing, plus all those earlier albums like Future Games, to keep Fleetwood Mac in the rock good pantheon. I'd have fired the new guy 30 years earlier than he was. 

favorite lyric:

Mirror in the sky

What is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

Like I said, the two Stevie Nicks tracks on Fleetwood Mac deserve every bit of the love they've gotten over the years. You can also see with just a quick glance around my blog that she's one of my most-posted artists. Please don't take me repping Christine as any disrespect for Stevie!

Do I like "Landslide" a little more than I otherwise might because it's specifically about outgrowing the aforementioned new guy? Maybe.  Or do I like it a little less than I otherwise might because I can't hear it without thinking of him? Maybe that too.

overall rating out of 10: Then: 9.4. Now: 9. The new guy went 2-for-4 for my money at the time, and the two that he whiffed on are genuinely terrible...but as bad as those two clunkers were, the rest of the album seemed perfect to me. Certainly among my most-played mainstream rock records into the early 80s. I was perfectly fine skipping one song on each side.

Even though nowadays I can't stand any of the songs he sings lead on, you take those off, and you STILL have "Landslide", "Rhiannon", "Say You Love Me", "Over My Head", and "Warm Ways". No album with ALL THOSE on them gets less than an 8.5, right?

I'm adding a few tenths each for how tightly Fleetwood and Mac are locked into each other and these songs on rythm (easily the most underrated duo of the era, sez me), and Keith Olsen's immaculate production. The score of 9 is therefore objectively correct and mathematically unassailable. LOL

I'm going to end where I began, by talking about Christine McVie. Instead of listening to this first and foremost as an album with a couple of giant Stevie Nicks songs, listen again to Fleetwood Mac as Christine McVie really lighting things up. She deserves so much more credit for the band's success than she gets, and seriously, "Over My Head" fucks. 

Now looky here, @aluacrescente . I know that YOU have strong feelings about this record, so spill! And the rest of you, too! I don't intend to have the last word on the albums in any of these Asks! Just the first one. :-) So lemme know what YOU think!

PS. Apologies for any formatting weirdness! I started this on desktop, where I do all my writing, saved the first few paragraphs to come back to later, only to be told by tumblr that I'd stated this on the app (DID NOT) and could only edit there. Grrr. Not cool, @staff. I've spent another day just tweaking to make it somewhat readable and wondering how these people can be so bad at their jobs. LOL

My crackpot opinions and wobbly writing are my own of course, and I'm aware that they have a larger negative impact on readability than tumblr's incompetence by far. LOL

[waterbearwaltz]

Assassins AU wip

So I've been thinking a lot about Southern Raiders Katara, and what her character would be like if she'd been raised to indulge that darkness. And then the thought "Kataang AU but they're assassins" made me laugh out loud in a meeting, and now here we are. But I've written like 10k words and am somehow still at the beginning? How do people write long things? What and how is plot? Ugh. Whatever. Have a chapter. 

--

Aang’s eyes skimmed the crowd of Fire Nation nobles moving like a single organism under the ostentatious chandelier. Ozai’s parties were always tense affairs, an enjoyable night as likely as a gruesome public execution, but this one was especially anxious. The guard was double what Aang had seen on previous evenings. They weren’t just stationed at the doors but milling about the crowd, weapons on their hips, daring anyone to step out of line. Another bomb had gone off near parliament that week, and according to Aang’s sources Ozai’s paranoia was calling the shots even more than usual. This function was an expression of that more than anything else, a flimsy excuse to gather the most wealthy and powerful of his citizens and flex his muscles. Remind them of the closeness of his watch, the price of treason. 

Aang’s eyes skated over the dance floor and paused. The dancing at these was without fail the most stilted he’d ever seen. He understood that in the Fire Nation, dancing was mostly ceremonial, a way to show respect for their host, an expression of patriotism made at gunpoint. It was the most stiff and joyless part of these stiff and joyless evenings. But this time Aang’s eyes caught on something new. 

She was swaying in a sheer, dark red dress that he could just see the outlines of her body through. Thick dark hair swept up into a fashionable loose pile on her head, a few tendrils brushing her dark shoulders. No one thing about her was particularly out of place, other than being of obvious water tribe descent, a relative rarity in the capitol. But everything together caught him. It was the sway of her hips, he decided. The way she moved as if a part of the music, rather than shifting awkwardly alongside it like the other dancers. A fighter, certainly, from the lean definition of her bare back and shoulders. Aang wondered if she was one of the guards Ozai had hidden amongst the crowd. That would be odd, he thought he had files on all of them. And a woman from such far flung colonies would be a highly unusual choice for a palace assassin.

Tsungi horns blared, announcing the entrance of the ruling family, and Aang snapped his attention to the door, frowning at the unusual lapse in focus. The musicians fell silent and an abrupt stillness settled over the crowd. Attendants entered first, followed by yet another unit of guards. Aang wondered dryly if Ozai had ever considered the difference between displaying strength and paranoid weakness. A little shiver went through him as Ozai’s children entered. In studying this family he’d encountered all manner of atrocities, but something about the princess in particular unsettled him. He’d had the chance to observe her in person a handful of times now. Ozai’s heir was haughty and beautiful as always, but as her eyes swept too near to him and he had to concentrate on not tensing visibly. The monks had taught him that every life contains the same precious spark of humanity, and he’d never had cause to doubt this before seeing Azula up close for the first time, looking into her eyes, and seeing absolutely nothing staring back at him.

Ozai finally entered with a few military leaders and Aang’s body ticked into higher alert. He took a deep, stabilizing breath. He was as prepared for this as he’d ever be. Tonight was the result of years of carefully maneuvering himself into the capital’s moneyed elite. Everything was in place, every edge case planned for. If there was ever a chance to remove the dictator for good, it was tonight. He was ready. 

--

Katara’s eyes tracked the commanders up the steps to the dias. She felt the familiar heat under her skin as she finally sized up her target in person, taking advantage of the whole room’s focus on him to take a first and only long look. 

Ozai was older than he appeared in the propaganda plastered across every city, every textbook, every yuan. Their Glorious Leader. Her lip curled in disgust but she smoothed it into a tepid smile. He had a spray of gray across his temples, a sharp jaw, and deep set eyes hung with dark circles. His posture was slightly askew, probably a shoulder injury. She thought he favored his left leg, but wasn’t close enough to be sure. His expression was tense and he muttered sporadically to the man on his left. He was wearing a military style jacket in a deep red, plush looking material. She could tell from the way it sat against him that he had body armor underneath. 

It was strange to finally see him in person, the man she’d spent her whole life training to kill. The corner of her mouth quirked up. She’d never been so ready for anything in her life. 

Her dance partner slipped an arm around her waist as the music started back up. “A drink?” he asked. She smiled up at him and nodded, letting him guide her to the bar. It had been embarrassingly easy to get invited to this. After a ten minute conversation with Kazin at the university library she had her in. She’d had several backup plans of course, every piece of intel said getting here would be the hardest part. She rolled her eyes. White Lotus leadership had always had a penchant for dramatics.

Katara leaned against the bar and smiled at Kazin, half listening to him dribbling on about his father’s mining operation and half scanning the room over his shoulder. If security was this insane in the rest of the palace she’d have to rework some of her plans. Idiot militants. What the hell was blowing up a building half a block from a dummy parliament supposed to accomplish? If she ever saw Jet again she’d wring his stupid neck. 

“Kazin, my darling, I didn’t know you were back in the city!” An older woman pressed a kiss to her date’s cheek and shot her a curious look. Katara automatically slid her face into a blank and amiable mask. 

“Yes, school started last week. Auntie Azina, this is Zaia, from the northern colonies. She’s studying medicine at the university.”

“The northern colonies, how...exotic” the woman finished, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I didn’t know they were admitting colonials now. How times have changed.” Katara let the blankness seep deeper into her, enveloping herself in it the way Master Iroh had taught her. A lie cannot be detected if you make it your truth. Sweet, simple Zaia smiled wider and grasped the woman’s hand a touch too enthusiastically.

“Oh, it’s a dream come true, getting to study in the capital! I’m just so lucky to have been chosen.”

“Don’t be modest. Zaia was the top student at her university.” Kazin puffed up magnanimously. “Why wouldn’t we want the best minds of the colonies enriching our great civilization?”

“Hmm,” Azina had already lost interest in Katara and was scanning the room. “Ah! Ulan!”

A man in his 50s approached their group, kissing Azina lightly on the cheek. “This is my nephew, Zura’s son. Ulan was a dear friend of your father’s. Runs our shipping in the greater kingdom.” Kazin and Ulan exchanged pleasantries, Katara blissfully forgotten. Her attention caught on the quiet young man beside Ulan. She kept her eyes on the conversation, sizing up the newcomer in her periphery.

He was tall and lean, with dark hair shorn close to his scalp, sharp, elegant bone structure, and overly kind eyes that got her hackles up. She knew how to make her eyes kind too, and what sort of situations she did so in. A little too young and a little too handsome to sit right with her as a foreign shipping mogul. Maybe a rich kid working a cushy job for daddy’s company? There were certainly plenty of those in this city. He kept his eyes on the conversation as well, but something about his stance made her uneasy. The way he held himself felt...practiced. Maybe undercover security detail? No, that wasn’t right either. He wasn’t native Fire Nation, he couldn’t possibly work in the palace.

“Ah, how rude of me! This is my emissary from New Ozai City, Azan” Ulan said, gesturing to the young man. Cushy job with daddy after all. Kazin shook his hand as his Aunt flicked her eyes to the ceiling and pressed her lips into a thin line. Guess she didn’t like former colonials any more than current ones. A guard pressed close as he walked past the bar and Karara took a casual sip from her drink, slipping her arm through Kazin’s and angling her body slightly to keep him in view as he passed.

“And who is this lovely thing you have here.” Ulan drew closer than necessary and grinned down at her. He smelled like stale rice wine and the spicy fermented onions sitting in little bowls along the bar. Katara had a strong stomach, but it got a run for its money when he leaned in to kiss her cheek. When Kazin spoke up to introduce her she smiled and ducked her head as if overwhelmed by the attention rather than the smell. 

“Charmed,” came a soft, deep voice on her left. Cushy Job Boy gave her a small bow and met her eyes directly, holding her gaze intently until she looked away. She really didn’t like that. She returned the bow with a warm smile and turned her attention back to her date.

“Another dance, Kazin?” 

“If you insist, darling” he answered indulgently, as though speaking to a child. He steered her back to the dance floor, launching into a lecture on different types of mineral extractants as she noted the guards rotating their shifts around her. 

--

When she saw the first stirrings of the next shift change, she excused herself to the restroom. Kazin barely acknowledged her, deep in conversation with an old general about iron ore. She couldn’t have dreamed up a better mark if she tried.

She’d spent weeks memorizing the palace layout and slipped quickly up a flight of stairs, down a hall, down two more flights, and into a servant’s wetroom near the back of the building. She swung herself up to a vent near the corner of the ceiling, bracing a foot against one wall and her shoulder against the other, and got to work on the screws holding the grate in place. Her ears pricked for the sound of footsteps, her hands made quick work of it with a tool from the small leather satchel that had been pressed between her breasts all night. When the last screw was loose, she dropped back to the floor, pulled her dress over her head, bundled it tightly around her waist, and swung herself smoothly into the air duct, pulling it shut behind her.

The vent was slightly smaller than she’d expected, and it was slow work making her way through. That was fine, she’d left herself plenty of time. The party hadn’t even begun to break up yet.

Much of the journey was directly up, and she inched one foot, then the other, then her back up the metal plates of the ventilation system. It wasn’t particularly taxing; she was in excellent shape and had practiced this a thousand times over the last few months. It would have been boring if not for the thrill of being so close to her target. She’d hunted men before, but it had always felt like preparation for this. None of them were half as thrilling, though she’d thought Yon Rha would have been. It should have been sweet to end the life of the man who had, in every way that counted, ended hers. But for some reason it wasn’t. Maybe he ruined it by begging. She’d been hoping for a good fight.

When she reached the top floor, she pulled herself into a smaller, auxiliary vent and made her way to Ozai’s chamber. It was even more important to be utterly silent now, as she could clearly hear the movements and conversations of the servants below her. Perspiration beaded on her skin as she moved, creeping like a crab in her thin pants and cropped undershirt. Finally, she peered through one of the grates and saw the interior of Ozai’s private chambers. She stretched out carefully so that her limbs wouldn’t fall asleep and settled in to wait. 

--

Aang watched Ozai get drunker than usual before retiring from the ballroom. That might make his job easier. When the first waves of people began heading for the exits, he carefully lost Ulan and headed to meet his contact in a half-hidden alcove in the inner hall. Ishran was already there, a slight man with a sheen of sweat on his balding head and a great deal of tension in his shoulders. This was no trained agent. Not for the first time, Aang wondered what had made this man decide to risk so much. It wasn’t the sort of thing one asked.

Ishran gave Aang a curt nod and pressed his fingers into the wall behind him. A servant’s door swung open and they disappeared through it. 

“There will be a three minute gap between guard shifts outside his quarters. I hope that is enough, it’s all I could manage.” Despite his shaky appearance, Ishran’s voice was sharp and even as they climbed the windowless staircase. Aang was impressed he’d been able to pull that off. He was assuming he’d have to operate in complete silence. 

“That’s more than enough. You’ve outdone yourself.”

A soft hmph was his only response. After several minutes they came to a stop. 

“I’ll make sure he’s asleep, then wave you through.” Aang nodded, Ishran was the only one of them who could possibly excuse his appearance if Ozai was awake.

Ishran squinted at Aang for a moment, before turning to the large, stone door.

--

When Ozai finally shuffled in, sweating and stinking of liquor. Katara wrinkled her nose. A drunk target was usually too easy to be fun, but for him she’d make an exception. She spent the first half hour Ozai was asleep going over the layout. A large, canopied bed dominated the majority of the chamber. Gold and red tapestries adorned the walls, embroidered with dragon-dense battle scenes, and an ornate desk sat between the bed and the balcony.

When Ozai had been still for half an hour or so, Katara lowered herself out feet first, dangling for a moment before dropping to the floor without so much as a whisper of fabric to give her away. She felt the adrenaline rise in her. She let it make her stronger, clearer. 

Katara crept to the bed. Ozai was already on his stomach. How helpful. She slipped the garrote from her shirt and in a swift, clean motion, had him pinned. Her hands tightened the cord around his throat at the same moment her legs clamped his arms to his body and her ankles locked around his chest. He jerked in her grasp and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. She’d placed the thin, woven wire with surgical precision, blocking not just air and blood, but preventing his throat from sliding into a position that could produce sound. He reared back against her and her back slammed into the wall with more force than she expected, his strength apparently untempered by age or alcohol. The wind was knocked from her, but her hold on him stayed true. He stumbled forward and slammed back again, this time catching her against the edge of the desk. A sharp snap like a whip being cracked split through the silent chamber. She gritted her teeth, pouring all her focus into her hold on him. The second time she hit the desk the snap was more of a wet crunch, and even through the haze of adrenaline she felt pain shattering down her side. He reared forward and thrashed again, but the movements were disorganized now, and she could tell he was losing consciousness. He fell to his knees and was just tipping forward as a soft creak snapped her head to a tapestry hanging on the far wall. 

She was on him as soon as his hand slipped out to draw the fabric back from the hidden door. She took hold of the wrist and with a smooth pivot, pulled the intruder forward and swung around to slam her elbow into his windpipe. The last thing she needed was him calling for help. Still holding the wrist, she gave it a sharp twist, snapping it and getting a sharp rasp out of the man’s crushed throat as he doubled over in pain. A knee to the face and he was down. She was just turning back to Ozai’s prone form when a voice hissed from the darkness behind the tapestry.. 

--

Aang’s eyes darted from Ishran crumpled on the floor to the water tribe girl above him to Ozai’s empty bed. He was moving before he’d finished taking in the scene, not wanting to get pinned down in the narrow staircase.

“You,” she snarled as he lunged forward, putting his body between her and the servant on the floor. She dropped into a low stance and he swung down, hoping to sweep her legs out from under her.  She was much smaller than him, he might be able to end this quickly. The chamber’s doors were shut, but she must have a way to signal the other guards.

She leapt easily over his attack and struck out with her heel as she fell. He caught it-- barely-- and shoved her hard. She flew back a few feet and hit the wall behind her, but was on him again by the time he regained his footing. Some remote part of him was impressed with her speed, but the majority of his mind was occupied dodging a flurry of strikes aimed at his head, neck, and chest. He jumped, twisted and lunged, always missing her hands and feet by millimeters. A sense of deja vu came over him and his mind flicked to the hours he’d spent in the training gates at the temple. The lesson was to be as a leaf, pivoting at every resistance, to pass through the storm. And she was very like a storm. When the flurry of blows began he hoped to tire her out before striking, but she wasn’t getting slower, wasn’t getting sloppy. 

There was a subtle shift in her weight and saw her next strike coming. He sent a kick out to the side that would be left open by her attack. But she turned on a dime, ducking under his leg and catching his knee, sending him careening face-first towards the floor. He turned it into a roll and sprung up, but before his feet touched the floor he felt a bright shock of pain as she brought her elbow down on his solar plexus. He hit the ground hard, trying not to fight the muscle spasm, which would only prolong the seizing. She slipped a garrotte out of her shirt. 

--

This guy was infuriating. She flew at him with everything she had and met only air. She didn’t recognize his form at all, but it certainly wasn’t Fire Nation. Their style was centered around brute force and bold, decisive strikes. It was a style she preferred in her opponents, especially larger ones. She could hurt them more by redirecting their strength than she could with her own. But this guy...this guy fought like it was a goddamn game of keep away. And she was running out of time. 

Finally he struck out with his foot, and she used the energy of it to fling him down. While he recovered she managed to land a clean blow to his chest and he grunted and crumpled. She slid the garrote out, wishing for a quicker weapon, but the security at the palace was so tight this was all she’d been sure she could sneak in. 

But he somehow recovered instantaneously. He flipped to his feet and circled away, putting himself between her and the door. They were on the far side of the bed now and his eyes fell on Ozai’s prone body. He froze and his eyes grew wide. Ever so slightly, his stance slipped.

“Is he dead?”

“He’s next in line after you,” she spat as she launched herself at him. He was distracted, unable to right his form in time. She feigned a direct hit then twisted in the air, vaulting off the wall and landing on his back.

“Wait” he rasped out, and she realized he’d managed to get a finger between her wire and his neck. Oh for fuck’s sake, would this guy just die already? She was debating just going with the slower, louder process of killing him like this when several things happened at once. 

Ozai began to stir on the floor, coughing weakly and pushing himself up on his forearms. The main door to the chamber opened and a hesitant voice called out “Sir?” As she was taking all this in, the fake earth kingdom emissary grabbed her forearm and twisted roughly, ripping her off his back and over his head. The wall rushed up to meet her, enveloping her in a blinding flash of white.

--

The woman’s body slumped against the door she’d collided with. He hadn’t meant to throw her so hard, just needed time to reason with her, to explain. But now the guard was pushing the door back open and Ozai was stirring and before Aang knew what he was doing he’d scooped her unconscious body over his shoulder and slipped through the open window. 

[ghstandpucks]

Misguided Ghost Ch.4

A.N: So my story just went to #9 on the Zak Bagans tag on Wattpad! I’m so excited I had to share! Also.. if anyone knows how to like the chapters onto a story without putting the whole url, I would be appreciative of the help! I hope you all are staying safe and healthy! Enjoy!

Ch.3: https://ghstadventuresgrl.tumblr.com/post/622599346097160192/misguided-ghost-ch3

Truce

           I walked into the office Friday morning feeling more comfortable than I had the day before. Sure it was only my second day on the job, but Zak seemed a little more accepting of me toward the end of the day so I figured I was off to a good start. Aaron’s office was still empty, but Nick had his door open. “Good morning Nick,” I smiled as I walked past his office.  

           “Morning Y/N. Hey, come here a second.” I walked into his office tentatively. Nick looked away from his computer screen and smiled gently up at me. “Zak showed me the research you did yesterday. I have to say, I was impressed at what you found for those places and how much you got through.” I smiled and looked down, a bit embarrassed by the praise.

           “Thanks. I’m glad that it was what you guys wanted,” I responded. Nick chuckled.

           “That and more.” He went back to his computer screen and I took that as my que to leave his office. I walked back to where mine and Zak’s offices were. His door was shut and I frowned slightly. Why was I disappointed to not see him?

I opened my door and started setting up. I had grabbed some of my mythology books that I had from school and put them on my bookshelf. I had also ordered a white board and cork board that should be at the office later today so I could hang some things up and write down info about upcoming lock downs. In other words, I had to be organized or I would lose my shit. I had also brought in a few picture frames to set on my desk. I had one of my family at Disneyland, one of my two best friends and I at our undergraduate graduation with our cap and gowns, and another of the three of us that showed us all laughing standing on top of a couch in some random San Diego club when we all turned 21. I had handed my phone off to some random person that had gotten us into the VIP section and free drinks. Girls just want to have fun right? I was standing with my back to the door reminiscing about how fun that evening was when there was a knock on my door. I jumped slightly and turned around, smiling when I saw it was Zak and Aaron. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” Aaron chuckled as he walked into my office.

           “It’s fine. I was in my own little world for a second,” I explained. Zak walked in behind Aaron and handed me a Starbucks cup. It was my passion tango tea and read ‘lil sis’ on the side. I gave Zak a quizzical look.

           “Aaron ordered” he said softly, knowing what I was questioning. I looked at Aaron and he showed me his coffee cup, which said ‘big bro’ on the side. I laughed.

           “Thank you for this, big bro,” I winked as the guys laughed and looked around. Zak eyed my books and walked over to them as Aaron started to look at my pictures. He picked up the San Diego one.

           “Wow, you actually have red and black in your closet?” He asked, acting astonished. I laughed and looked down at my green knee length dress. In the picture I was wearing a red lace crop top and a short black skater skirt with black heals. Zak looked over quickly to see what Aaron was talking about, and I watched his eyes look me up and down. Blushing, I took the picture back and started to explain the events of that evening.

           “Didn’t think you were a party girl,” Zak mumbled after I was done explaining, finally looking away from the picture, even though I had set it back down.

           “I’m not really. But don’t judge a book by its cover. You hardly even know me,” I shot back. What was with him judging my appearance? Zak and I stared at each other for a second, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Probably that he was about to fire me. Aaron broke the silence.

           “Are you still friends with them?” I looked at Aaron and nodded my head.

           “Ya, still best friends. We met freshman year Fall quarter and have stuck together ever sense. They’re the best,” I smiled. “Also, I hope its ok that I have a white board and cork board being delivered today?” I looked back over at Zak.

           “That’s fine. Make the space your own,” he said and walked into his own office. I made a face and looked at Aaron who was looking back and forth between Zak and I. “What?”

           “I can’t tell if you two are going to be like the best of friends, rip each other’s throats out, or be that annoyingly cute opposites attract couple,” he said in a low voice. I gawked at him.

           “More than likely one of the first two. I highly doubt the last one,” I whispered, making sure Zak couldn’t hear us.

           “I don’t know, he likes to talk about you. Wouldn’t shut up about how great your research was when we went to get the coffee this morning.” I blushed at that and turned away from Aaron. “Oh, so there is a feeling there!”

           “I didn’t say that. Beside I just met you guys and I work for him now so it will be strictly professional.” I muttered, sitting down and opening my laptop to start my work for the day.

           “You aren’t denying it though. And technically you work for Travel Channel so it wouldn’t be like you slept with your boss to get a raise or anything,” Aaron winked as I shooed him out of my office, not even wanting to respond to that comment. I looked across at Zak and he had his head down in his own work. I prayed he didn’t just hear all that.

~ ~ ~      

           After my boards were delivered and I acquired the help of Aaron to put them up, I found myself walking down the hall to make a copy of a paper of a place I was researching. The paper had a few numbers and extra sources for articles on the place, so I wanted to keep a copy for myself before handing my research over to Zak. As I walked back to my office to grab all the papers and my notes of the 3 places I was able to get through today, I noticed all the guys were in Zak’s office. I kept to myself and started gathering my research when Zak called me over. I walked in with the papers and smiled at the guys. “Are those for me?” Zak asked motioning to the papers.

           “Yup. There was a lot of information on that one ghost town, so I only was able to look at 3 places today. But everything should be in there,” I explained as I handed him the heavy stack of papers. At least it was heavy in my opinion, Zak’s large frame took them easily from me.

           “Are you doing anything tonight Y/N?” Aaron asked. I looked at him and shook my head.

           “Not really. I was probably just going to cook dinner and watch tv,” I shrugged. I had really just planned on finishing unpacking this weekend. The exciting life of Y/N Y/LN.

           “Well we’re all going out tonight to get a drink and dinner. Would you like to come?” Aaron smiled at me. I wasn’t sure what to say.

           “Um… you know I don’t want to impose…”

           “You wouldn’t be. You can meet my wife. Plus, Billy is coming so you can meet him too,” Nick interrupted my poorly planned excuse. I really didn’t want to intrude on a night out for them since they hardly knew me. As if he knew what I was thinking, Nick spoke up again. “And it would be nice to get to know you and you us since we’ll all be going on a lockdown next week.”

           “Oh, I’m going on that?” I questioned.

“You’re our historian. We kind of need you there,” Zak answered with a nod. They all looked at me expectantly.

           “Ok. And that sounds fun tonight, if it’s alright with everyone?” I glanced at Zak specifically. He smiled softly and nodded.

           “Awesome! I’ll text you the address of the place. It’s kind of like a dive bar off the strip, so it’s never too busy, especially on Friday nights,” Aaron explained. I smiled and nodded, saying good bye to everyone and leaving the office for the day.

           Once I got home, I showered and did my hair. I curled it in a beachy wave, then did my make-up. I stood in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. It was dinner, but still a bar. I wanted to look nice, and a bit more grown up. Being 5’2 and a petite 112 pounds, people often did not believe I was old enough to drink, let alone be out of high school. I’m sure that’s how the guys saw me, and for some reason I specifically wanted to show Zak that I wasn’t some little girl who always wore dresses. I tended to have a closet that reminded people of Jessica Day on New Girl. The fact that I was a substitute teacher for a few years while I worked on my master’s and after didn’t help that goody two shoes image I had made for myself either. Not that I minded it, I just kind of wanted Zak to notice me. What Aaron had been saying kept replaying in my head. Zak was the first one to say they should hire me; he likes to talk about me and my research. Was he not as intimidating and judging as he’s appeared to me over the past week?

           I shook my head to try to get those thoughts out. I was just going out with the people I work with, and that was that. I ended up picking out my ripped skinny jeans and a black chiffon top that showed a strip of my stomach. I put on my black healed ankle boots and grabbed my leather jacket. Aaron said they would be there around 7:30, and it was 7 now. I looked up the place and saw it was about 15 minutes from me. I made sure my hair and make were in place, then called an uber. I am a bit of a light weight. Even though I was just planning on having a single beer, I don’t really trust myself to drive after. Better safe than sorry. My uber came and dropped me off at exactly 7:30. I was really hoping someone was already there so I didn’t have to wait by myself. I walked in and looked around. The place had a fun vibe, with a dance floor off to the side. There were tables and booths that took up most of the place, then a bar next to the dance floor. The music was turned up, but still at a volume that you didn’t need to yell over. I imagined that it got louder as the night went on and the dance floor got crowded.

           I looked to my left and saw Aaron and Nick waving me down. I smiled and walked over to them. “Hi guys,” I said as I slid in next to Aaron.

           “You made it! Y/N, this is my wife Veronique,” Nick introduced us.

           “Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I smiled at her. She returned it and shook my hand.

           “You too! I’ve been hearing about all your research. You have these guys all impressed,” Veronique stated. I laughed and thanked her.

           “If you want something to drink, you have to go to the bar,” Aaron informed me. I saw that they already had their drinks and got up, excusing myself. I walked up to the bar and leaned against it, waiting to get the attention of the bartender. I was never very good at inserting myself at bars. He came over after a minute or two, and I ordered an Anchor Steam beer. A rum and coke sounded good, but I didn’t want to get too giggly with everyone just yet. As the beer was pushed toward me and I was about to hand over my card, an arm reached over me.

           “I’ll pay for hers, and an O’douls,” a deep voice said. I turned and saw Zak, who was smiling down at me. “I have to say Mia, I almost didn’t recognize you in jeans. You look good,” he said as the bartender handed him back his card and his drink. I stood there, not knowing what to say for a second.

           “I could have paid for my drink.” I blurted out. Zak chuckled and leaned against the bar next to me.

           “I know, but I got it. Think of it as an olive branch,” he stated. I quirked my eyebrow.

           “An olive branch?”

           “Ya. I know I keep making remarks that bother you and I honestly don’t mean to. You really do just seem like this bubbly person so I guess it was just my way of trying to get used to you. Aaron told me I was coming off a bit rude and I just want you to know that it wasn’t personal,” he tried to explain himself.

           “Well if it was about the way I look and dress then it was personal. But ok,” I looked down at my beer. Zak huffed.

           “What I mean is that we’ve all gone through some pretty serious shit together, and you just seemed like this ray of sunshine bouncing in…in a good way. I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. And if I have then I apologize for that. I think you are doing a great job,”

           “Aaron told me you were the first one to say you guys should hire me. If that’s true, then why the attitude the past two days?” I questioned him. I was curious. He smiled at me and looked back toward the table. I followed his gaze and saw the guys pretending to seem like they weren’t watching us. I blushed slightly, hoping the dim lighting would hide it.

           “You’re smart Y/N. I saw that in the way that you presented yourself. You’re also very passionate about history, and it was intriguing. Plus, you didn’t come to the interview asking about being on tv and our lockdowns, or asking for an autograph after,” he answered me. I tilted my head to the side a bit.

           “People really asked for an autograph after their interview?” he nodded. I laughed slightly. “And I don’t really care if I’m on the lockdown.”

           “I know. You were refreshing to talk with. And after the past two days you seem to be exactly what we needed. So, what do you say we start over and I try not to be such an ass with my remarks? Truce?” He smiled at me, but I didn’t miss the way his eyes looked me over. Maybe this was the right outfit choice after all. I bumped my drink into his.

           “Truce,” I responded, smiling at him. I turned to then walk back to the booth with Zak following closely behind me. Aaron scooted over in the booth as I slid in next to him, and Zak by me. Once we had sat down I was introduced to Billy Tolley, the audio-visual tech who showed up while Zak and I were talking at the bar. We all ordered our food and enjoyed the evening. I was laughing with everyone and feeling more comfortable then I had since I moved in last week. Zak stole a French fry off my plate and I bumped him with my elbow. Life might turn out to be good here.  

[slothgiirl]

shadowplay part 12

It's dark by the time you arrive at the little cabin which is incredibly skewed towards glamping. There's trees flocking every side, and little fairy lights scattered around the porch. 

The sight is enough to make a romantic out of anyone. 

Miles wastes no time, running in, Zack on his heels, to throw himself into the first bedroom he likes, "I call the master!"

"Like hell your getting it," Zack yells, tackling Miles. 

"Should we tell them they're sharing a room," Breana asks, pouting as she takes a selfie in front of the doorway, tilting her head just right. 

Matt snorts, placing an arm around his girlfriend, and throwing the laziest peace sign up in her photos, "Let them have their fun." He smiles down at Breana with a fondness that speaks of years and years of being together. 

"I'm guessing you already know which room you want," you ask Breana whose clearly in charge here which doesn't surprise you at all. Alex doesn't own any pans at his flat and you highly doubt that Miles is any better. There's some hope that Zack isn't completely useless on his own, but then again, he's a single man in the music business. It's not a overly large hope. 

You knew enough rich men from work to know that they're usually helpless even if they're helpless in 10,000 pound suits. 

It evened out. 

"No," Breana says sweetly, having only eyes for Matt. "You take whichever room you want."

"I don't really care," you reply taking in the tastefully decorated living room. You run your hand over the sofa, noting the acrylic fabric, not yet matted down. Probably some Ikea adjacent sofa. It no longer cost an arm and a leg to have nice things, though the vintage technique would undoubtedly last longer. You'd been to many country estates, on last minitue alterations to know that. Hundred year old linens still in perfect forms. 

Estate sales were your best friend. 

"Well if you're sure," Breana replies, leveling her gaze with yours, "I'll take-," "We'll," Matts corrects. 

"We'll," Breana smiles, looking at Matt with the biggest smile on her face, "take the room with the patio."

"For the gram," you grin. 

"Gotta keep up with the algorithm." She'd already told you about her clothing brand, which was just another line of basics that you didn't really think anyone needed. Uniqlo was enough. And she'd shown you her instagram which was exactly what you imagined it too be, bright light californian influencer aesthetic, clearly influenced by minimalism which photographed very well. 

"Does that mean I should post more often than every couple of months," you tease, meeting Alex's heavy gaze, as he leans against a wall, boots still on. You could never wear shoes indoor, but you suppose it isn't your place so it doesn't matter. Your floral embroidered bag in his hand, along with his own bags. 

"Yes! We should work on your instagram while we're here," Breana offers, "there's so many cute pictures we could take."

Matt chuckles, "later."

"Later," she repeats, all heart eyed. 

You tilt your head, watching them. She was easily out of his league. And yet, here she was, actually in love with Matt, who you still couldn't puzzle out. If she was your girlfriend, you'd have pulled over at all her cute and dumb points of interest along the road. It was a road trip after all. A road trip with his girlfriend and friends, not just the lads. 

Alex tilts his head, motioning down the hallway. You can here Zack and Miles in some room fighting over what song to blast through the speakers, Miles upselling the virtues of some obscure 70s band. 

You follow Alex, half walking, half sliding along the wooden floor, artificial pine smell still in the air from when it had last been cleaned. The yeezy socks had been a gag gift from Sam for last christmas. "Isn't Arielle's wedding next month," you ask Alex, still thinking of the strung up fairy lights. 

"Why," he asks, opening the closed room. 

You switch the lights on, taking a second to play with the sliding switch. Definitely something you wanted when you finally bought a house. You'd finally made the appointment with a realtor for the week that you returned. You'd dragged your feet long enough. A thirty minute commute to work wasn't bad if you got a little garden out of it. A place to drink tea. 

"I was just thinking that she'd for sure have fairy lights. A pinterest wedding," you bit your lips, "you think pinterest sponsers influencers."

"How'd you figure she'd an influencer," Alex asks instead, putting the bags down and finally kicking his boots off as he sits down on the bed. 

You close the door, locking it for once because you didn't fancy Miles bursting in if you wanted to change. He was definitely shameless enough to not care, acting without thinking, without meaning any harm. "She had that effort effortless look," you shrug, "its basically a job to look that effortless."

Alex laughs, " 's true. But I don't really want to talk about her."

"Sorry."

"No," he says, leaning back on his hands, watching as you change into a pajama set. You'd have blushed if you hadn't changed in front of him loads of times before. Your mothers solution to body image issues, being a therapist and all, was to make you stand in front a a mirror and repeat 'I'm beautiful' before going to school every day. It had been stupid then, but clearly had worked. You didn't even mind the belly rolls you got when leaning over to pull your shorts on. "I just don't want to bother with the past anymore."

You nod, smiling over at him, "good to hear you move on."

Alex smiles back, red creeping up his cheeks. "I 'fink I've moved on a while ago actually. . .just crept up on me."

"That’s good," you tell him, looking down at the floor, wood like the rest of the cabin which was closer to a chateau. Rich people honestly. You try to shove down the hope ballooning in your chest at his words, as if you'd have any chance. His friends are here. And-you stop your train of thoughts right there, unwilling to go further like a coward. "Guess you can go out and be a proper rock star instead of being a sap at my flat."

"Oh," Alex grins with a smirk that's so fitting with his sleeked back hair and the 50s greaser aesthetic he was so fond of, "Don't lie, you like having me over."

"I like getting free take out," you counter with a grin of your own, laying down on the bed next to him. "And you do have great taste in music, but don't let it go to your head."

"Too late. My ego's the size of the hollywood sign."

You laugh, looking up at him. You really were glad you'd decided to come. "Is your horde of gel the mountain the signs on?"

"Never can win with you can I," Alex smiles, looking down at you, his eyes twinkling in the soft light, dark like a glass of top shelf scotch. Your heart fluttered in your chest, you couldn't maintain eye contact when he looked at you like that, your thoughts surging wildly, sending your pulse racing. It had been happening a lot more lately. 

You liked him. 

Too much. 

You couldn't help it. It was Alex. He was easy to like, easy to let into your life until you couldn't imagine your life without him there, smiling like a dork despite trying to look like John Travolta in Grease, carting a record player to your flat because music just wasn't the same without the scratches in old vinyl records. "Your words not mine." You swallow thickly. 

Alex strokes the side of your face gently, his touch setting your skin aflame, leaving you breathless. There's-there's no excuse. No friends to pretend for. No movie playing to cut the tension. You want desperately to pull away before your feelings are crushed. But you can't his gaze resting so earnestly on you, pinning you to the bed. 

"Can we talk," he finally utters, in that serious stilted way, as if Alex can only approach words from the side, never head on, never as comfortable as he was in writing. 

"Sure."

A knock on the door. 

Loud.

Harsh. 

Jolts you out of whatever trance you'd been in, letting you release a breath you didn't know you'd been holding, letting you look away from Alex. Zacks voice calls out from the hall, "we're going to order food!"

You force your voice to stay stead, unwilling to betray the rush of emotions coursing through you, blood rushing in your veins. Chest full of butterflies as you  answer, "don't tease me like that Zack, just let me know when the foods here." You should've used this as an out. But-it's Alex. That's the whole problem. You care for him, as a friend, as more. 

You'd never just leave him because you're feeling like being a coward. 

"Okay," Zack laughs, "just don't blame me if you hate everything we order."

"I'm sure the spiciest thing you've ever had was salt and pepper," you call back.

You listen to his steps disappear down the hall, eyes trained on the door. Heart beating like a sewing machine making it's way down the line of an inseam. You can't think, all flustered like this. 

Taking a deep breath, you turn to Alex. 

He takes your face in his hands, cupping your cheeks, his touch hot on your skin, his entire body leaning towards you the way sunflowers turn to face the sun, soaking in their rays. You're breathless. 

There's no wavier in his voice as Alex says, "I really like you. I think I might actually be in love with ya if I'm being honest. But right now, I just really wanna fuck you."

Cheeks burning red, you can't-your voice stops working. Brain short circuiting as you look at Alex. Desire pooling in your belly. You're a horny uni student all over again. Not trusting yourself to speak. His body hovering above yours, caging you against the bed. You want nothing more than to reach out and bring him flush against your body.

You don't trust yourself to speak.

When you don't respond, Alex, jaw clenching, adds, "if ya don't feel the same way just tell me tah fuck right off. But I can't-I can't lie next to yah and pretend it don't mean a thing to me."

"What a coincidence," you finally manage, smiling softly up at him, so close you could just reach up and kiss him, "I like you a lot as well." It's in the top ten dumbest things you've ever said in your life. And the most english thing, to keep a stiff upper lip when you're literally laying under the man you haven't been able to stop thinking about. 

"That's good," Alex notes, raising a brow. The little eager school boyish expression on his face making you giggle. 

He shuts you up promptly, smothering your laugh with a deep kiss, so unlike all the other times he's kissed you. None of the hovering and hesitance, none of the stiffness in your body, as you reach up, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pressing his body against yours, savoring the feel of him. His toned muscles shifting as he shifts against you. 

It's hot and heavy, with a bruising intensity as Alex kisses you. You match him with the same passion, with all the pent up months of tension, of finally getting to show him how much you like him, how you've been thinking of him for weeks now. There's still sugar on his lips from the bubble tea you'd made him try, his tongue exploring your mouth as you moan into the kiss, fingers digging into his shoulders. 

Alex's chest against yours. 

His hand winding its way into your hair, keeping it out of your face as you kiss him. As you loose yourself in Alex. The entire world shrinking until it's just the two of you. And nothing else matters. His other hand running down your side. Fingertips brushing over the exposed skin above the waistband of your shorts, before shoving the fabric aside, his hand griping your side. 

You kiss his lips, pulling his bottom lip between your teeth, leaving you both gasping for air. Eyes glazed over, raging wildly with want. 

"I'm gonna fuck you love," Alex, whispers planting kisses down your neck, his fingers undoing the buttons of your shirt. "Show ya how crazy you've been driving me."

You nod, shakily, your gaze never leaving his, as your shirt falls back onto your shoulders, falls open.

Sam had been spot on, making you pack the nice parisian undergarments that had been at the back of your drawer abandoned. You'll have to buy her something really nice before you get back to the old smoke. 

Alex pulls his own shirt off. 

He shakes his head, smirking, "but you've got to say it love. Can't be the only one baring my soul here."

"You're baring more than your soul Alex," you tease, despite the hitch in your voice, revealing just how worked up you were feeling. But you indulge him, because you really want him. Your skin burning in anticipation of what comes next. "But right now I'm more interested in you fucking me."

Alex laughs, but there's no hiding the hoarseness in his voice. 

Then sits up on his legs, trailing kisses down your chest, down you belly as he works your shorts down your legs, you tilting your hips up so he can leave you bare, taking your nice lingere along with the shorts. It was a shame too. They really were nice, lacy and racy, worth the trouble of wearing. 

Your toes curl as Alex kisses the crook of your leg, your breath hitching as he prices open your legs, an easy move when you were all too willing to let him go down on you. 

Alex presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, his hand grasping the skin, all the while his other hand, his fingers brushed over your clit, dipping into your folds, into the wetness. Your eyes fluttering shut, a whimper escaping from your lips. "I wanna hear you love," Alex whispers against your skin, mouth moving teasingly close to your center. "Let me hear you."

You can't stifle the cry as he runs his tongue through your folds, maddeningly slow, before sucking on your clit long enough for your brain to short circuit. He doesn't let up, flicking his tongue against you, your breathe short as you whimper at his ministrations. His fingers digging into your skin.

You clutch at the covers, bunching them up in your palms. 

Alex sucks at your clit, his hand brushing against your folds, before slipping a finger into your core, curling inside you. 

You're on fire, skin hot. Eyes squeezed shut as you're overwhelmed with sensations, Alex's mouth against your center, breath tickling the skin, driving you crazier. The same mouth you'd kissed only moments ago.  

He adds another finger, pumping his hand against your core, eliciting more whimpers and moans from your lips. The wetness in your core growing. The heat in your lower belly growing. 

You can't take it. "Alex," you whimper. Bitting your lower lip. There's no way you'll last longer than a couple of seconds. All edged out. 

"Come for me," he utters, as choked up as you feel, his fingers buried inside you as he shifts, pressing his lips against your collar bone, nipping the the skin. You let go, coming against his hand, and the feel of his skin against yours. 

You're consumed by bliss. Left gasping for breath. 

Boneless as Alex gets up, unbuttoning his tight dark jeans, but not before rifling through his wallet for a condom. 

You can't be bothered to pay him much attention. 

Knocks ring out against the door, loud and insistent. Knocks like light taps that don't stop, a fly in your ear. 

Miles. 

And sure enough, "foods here! Al and Als much better looking bird," he jokes stretching bird as long as the sounds will let him.   

You prop yourself up on an elbow, wreaking your brain for a response as Alex freezes, clad in a pair of boxers, condom in hand. Utterly useless. 

"Matt won't leave us any if we dally," Miles adds, laughter clear in his tone. 

"Actually," you try, not sounding nearly as disheveled as you feel, as you are, "I think the jet lags caught up to me."

"Oh is it like that is it," Miles calls back, voice full of glee, "well let me know if yah need me. Three is a part-eh after all," he crackles. 

You let out a breath in relief, glad to be left alone. Again. 

Really you should've just stayed in LA. Or London. 

You could've done this in either place, uninterrupted. 

"Just focus on me love," Alex cuts in, make short work of getting your shirt the rest of the way off, kissing the corner of your mouth, knowing how easily you could get lost in your thoughts, like him. 

All the easier to understand him. 

He unhooks your bra, hands massaging your tits, the brush of his fingers hardening the peaks of your breasts, as he pressed his lips hard against yours. You eagerly kissed him back, softer than before, still ridiculously satisfied from before, your hands loose as they curled around his neck, letting him shift you both, letting him settle his weight between your legs, finally full naked. His hips hard against yours. 

Your lips eager against his mouth, already yearning for another taste of him. Alex's hand threading through your hair, as he shifts, finding your core with his hard cock, entering you in one swift thrust. 

You cry out into his mouth, you hand gripping his back. Your fingers finding their way into his hair. Soft despite the amount of product. Had to be expensive. 

You hold him against you, loving finally having him the way you've refused to admit to yourself that you wanted. You've been wanting Alex for weeks now. All the parts of of. The man who got pissed drunk at a pub, the man who'd bring you take out and fold your blankets, the man who kissed you. 

He breaks the kiss, nuzzling his lips against the crook of your neck, inbetween moans, your name on his tongue, as he thrusts deeply into you, filling you up to the brim, as you clench around him. "Yah feel so good love," he groans, heady with passion. 

Alex's pace relentless, all pent up want, the frustration of spending nights curled up with you on settees and beds, never being able to do more than look. 

He fucks you, his teeth nipping the delicate skin at the base of your throat. 

You gasp for breath, moaning his name like a prayer on your lips, wondering how the bloody hell you had ended up here. How lucky you were to have ended up here. 

His hips against yours, his body flush against your's as his thrusts become erratic. 

Your fingers digging into the skin of his back, as he comes against you. You’re exhausted. Spent. A day traveling by plane. A drive that lasted the entire day, and now this. You-you're not sure where this leaves you, where you go from here. This isn't exactly a standard way of-this isn't friends to more or strangers hitting it off, but you don't care. You'll figure it out, along with Alex. 

Alex who slumps over on his side, lying next to you, looking completely fucked. 

"I ruined your hair," you smile, completely out of it yourself, unable to summon any bite. 

Alex laughs, unabashedly, his entire demeanor taking on a boyish air, "for once I don't give a damn." 

"Are you going to go get food," you ask, rolling over so you can rest your head on his chest. 

"Don't particularly want to move. Debating getting up for a smoke though."

"Cool," you reply, letting your lids slid shut, "I'm going to go to sleep then."

"I take it ya not hungry," Alex smirks. 

"There's always Mcdonald's. At 3 am." 

[popcrone818]

The Other Swan Part 4

Skylah P.O.V

I had taken notice that Seth and Leah were part of the group in Jake’s garage earlier today and I realised they mustn’t be all bad if they were all like Seth and Jake. Seth even helped me clean up after dinner, much to the surprise of Sue. We talked quietly to each other as we washed and dried the dishes getting to know each other a bit more. I told him a bit about my life and friends in Arizona and he told me about his life living on the rez. He spoke highly of his dad; Harry and I could tell he still missed him. Must have been good to live with both parents. He told me all about his friends; Jake, Embry, Quil and Jared.

“You’ll meet them all soon, and I'm sure you will even love Emily. She’s my first cousin but she’s more like a second mother to me and the rest of the boys.” He placed a hand on my arm and lent back on the counter. I felt my body flinch away from his touch, we were having such a nice conversation before he had to touch me. I wiped my hands off on the tea towel.

“I'm sorry Seth, I'm getting a bit tired, ill see you around.” I could see the hurt in his eyes, and something made me reach out to touch his hand that he had sitting on the counter after he had taken it away from my arm. My touch was feather light, but I knew he felt it. I quickly took off upstairs where I changed and hid myself under the cover of my bed. Shortly after I heard the howl of a wolf and Bella bounded up the stairs and into my room.

“What happened? Seth said you completely froze and then ran away.” She asked placing a hand on the covers over my body.

“We were having such a great time, getting to know each other and stuff,” I pulled my head out of the covers and allowed her to sit on my bed beside me. “Then he touched me, it was light and I know he didn’t mean me any harm, but after the abuse I took from Zach I flinched, I don’t know why but it looked almost like it hurt him when I flinched. Its hard to explain. And now I've blown my only shot at having a friend my own age.” My body wracked with sobs, Bella didn’t even try to console me as she got up off my bed and walked out. She turned around before completely exiting my room though.

“You haven’t blown it Skye; it will all take time. Jake is coming tomorrow to take you to meet the rest of the boys.” She turned and left shutting my door.

That night my dreams were plagued with the day and months of what I had called a relationship with Zach, I woke up more times than I care to admit, sweating a breathing heavily. At around 4 am I pulled myself from my bed and padded over to the bay window overlooking the forest. I saw something move off to the left of my vision and I was strangely comforted but the mysterious presence. I knew Zach couldn’t come to hurt me here. I knew that if things went sour and he did find me Jake would do anything in his power to protect me.

I decided then that I wasn’t going to let my past define me. What happened to me back in Arizona should have never happened to a 15-year-old girl, but it did. I still have the rest of my life to be the person I was destined to be. Not all boys were Zach, but I also knew not all boys were as sweet as Seth. I promised myself I would no longer be defenceless. I had taken self defence while I was growing up, but when it all happened my life turned upside down. I had to become the girl I always knew I was but feared for I thought no one would like a head strong girl. That because that is what Zach had told me. Told me that I was worthless and that all I was good for was a trophy wife, an accessory. Not as my own person.

I straightened my back as I sifted through my overnight bag looking for something suitable to wear for the day. I pulled out my black leggings and a tight fitted sweater, and pulled them on before I grabbed my headphones and sneakers and raced out the front door. My run was good, it was refreshing, the beat of the music making sure I was keeping pace while my feet thudded on the ground in the forest. I found myself on the river bank by the Olympic Suites Inn on the Calawah river before I needed to take a breather and rest before heading back to Charlie’s. No doubt he and Bella would be up by now. The run back to Charlie’s was much faster and I felt like I was being followed the whole time.

I noticed that Jake’s two-tone pick up was parked in the driveway and realised I had been gone far longer than I thought I had. I walked in through the back door and was greeted to the scent of waffles.

“Good run?” Jake asked around his large stack of waffles piled high on his plate.

“Fantastic, couldn’t sleep, so I left earlier than normal, but I took a long run. All the way to the Calawah River.” I plopped down at the counter next to Jake and pulled two waffles from his stack. Charlie had already left for work, and Bella was still asleep, so I assumed Jake had let himself in and helped himself to the food. “So, what are we doing today?” I asked him as we both finished our food and washed up.

“I'm taking you onto the rez to meet the rest of the boys. And Emily.” I nod and race upstairs to have a short hot shower and pull on my ripped skinny jeans and loose blue sweater. It didn’t take Jake and I long to get to Sam Uley’s place. It was a small cottage on the out skirts of the rez, it was made of wood and was two stories. It had large windows from what I could see, and the house just screamed homey, I love it and I felt instantly at ease. I could hear howling laughter coming from within as I followed Jake onto the patio that stretched the perimeter of the house. Jake pushed open the large wooden door and let himself in like he owned the place. Must be a Jacob thing. I shrugged and followed him. The laughter died down when I walked in and all I could smell was freshly baked muffins. Everyone sitting around the large dinning table stopped to stare at me. I felt uncomfortable but remembered the promise that I had made myself this morning.

“Hi.” I waved shyly, just because I wasn’t going to let the past get me down anymore doesn’t mean I wasn’t still shy. Everyone went around and introduced themselves to me. Sitting at the table looking at me was Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, Sam, Leah and lastly Seth. I felt myself smile slightly when my eyes landed on Seth, even though I had met him last night he still introduced himself.

“Hi I'm Emily, its so good to have another girl here, you have no idea how mad it can get around here sometimes.” She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I noticed the scars running down the right side of her face that drooped her mouth down slightly. I felt bad for her but she still looked beautiful.

“Were not that bad Emily!” I heard one of the boys protest as I watched Sam throw a muffin at his head.

“Quit it Embry, you know Emily love having other girls around.” Embry grumbled and bit into the muffin that he had caught after it hit him. I smiled shyly at Sam and sat down next to Seth who passed me a blueberry muffin before digging into his own. “So, there’s a bonfire tonight Skylah, thought you might want to come and sit in on some of the tribe’s stories and history. Its always a big thing with lots of food and stories, we even break out the marshmallows from time to time.” I looked over to see both Jake and Seth watching me closely as I nodded and swallowed my mouthful.

“Of course, I’d love to come.” Same nodded at Embry, Quil and Jake and they took off leaving me with Seth, Paul, Jared, Sam and Leah. Not long after Leah left too. Seth Paul and Jared moved to the lounge and started playing a shooting game leaving me with Sam and Emily. And soon even Sam left leaving a kiss to Emily’s mouth and disappearing.

“So, how are you liking Forks so far Skylah?” Emily asked me as she and I moved into the kitchen.

“Its not as bad as I once thought it may have been, but I still miss Arizona, although I'm not sure if I’ll be able to leave here. It just feels like something is holding me here I'm just not too sure what.” Emily nodded as she started to pull things out of the cupboard and fridge. I moved to help her, and she allowed me to do things while she flittered around the kitchen.

“Yeah I know what you mean, I'm originally from Portland and I was visiting Seth and Leah when I met Sam, put it this way; I never left, and I couldn’t be happier.” I nodded and helped her cook meals for tonight’s bonfire. Sue stopped by for a while to help Emily out as well and smiled fondly at me when she saw me. Once Embry, Quil and Jake came back, Paul and Jared left in their place. The boys started to rough house with Seth, and I watched closely in case it was to get out of hand. “Don’t worry this happens all the time. No one ever gets hurt I promise.” Emily told me placing a hand on my shoulder in comfort. I shook my head and looked away from the boys. All too soon the bonfire came around. Sam, Paul and Jared all made their presence known before all the boys went outside to start the fire. Billy Black showed up with Sue not too far behind. There were a few older members of the tribe that I didn’t know but I was sure I would meet them eventually and so I just help Emily bring out tray after tray of food for everyone.

I looked at how much food we had and wondered how many people were supposed to be showing up. Around the fire that the boys had lit were large logs of driftwood displayed around in a sort of circle around the fire. I could feel the heat of the fire from where I stood, a good couple yards away.

I felt Seth before I saw him, he walked up to me and his arm touched mine for a split second before he took a small step away from me.

“So, are you excited for tonight? Your first Quileute bonfire.” He bounced slightly on the balls of his feet. “To be honest with you this is my first one too. Mom would never let us come as kids. She has taken over dad’s spot on the council though and she thought it would be time we learnt our heritage.” I nodded at Seth and moved closer to him, it had gotten dark quickly and everyone had decided to get some food. I had noticed some other girls show up and they seemed to be paired off with the boys. Seth and I hung back as everyone else got their meals before us. As Seth and I sat down on a log together Jake showed up but this time he brought Bella as well. It was unknown to me why he would bring her, but I shrugged and continued to eat. Watching in amazement as the boys almost devoured the whole spread of food Emily and I had organised.

Jake called Seth over to him and Bella, I couldn’t hear the conversation they had but I watched as Jake pulled Seth into a headlock while Seth tried to get out of it.

Seth jogged back over to me where he sat down before Billy started with the council meeting. Or bonfire as I was told it was.

“The Quileute have been a small tribe from the beginning. And we’ve always had magic in our blood. We were great spirit warriors, shapeshifters that transformed to the powerful wolf. This enabled us to scare off our enemies and protect our tribe. One day our warriors came across a creature that looked like man but was hard like stone and cold as ice.” As Billy spoke images flashed through my mind how they would if I was reading a book. Playing out as if a movie was being played in my head.

 “Our warrior’s sharp teeth finally tore it apart, but only fire would completely destroy it. They lived in fear the cold man was not alone. They were right. She took her vengeance out on the village. Our elder chief, Taha Aki, was the only spirit warrior left to save the tribe after his son was killed. Taha Aki’s third wife would see that we would lose. The third wife was no magical being, no special powers but one. Courage. The third wife’s sacrifice distracted the cold woman long enough for Taha Aki to destroy her. She saved the tribe. Over time our enemies have disappeared, but one remains. The cold ones. Our magic awakens when they’re near and we sense it now, we feel the threat in our blood. Something terrible is coming and we must all be ready. All of us.” I listened to him intently, unaware that I had taken Seth’s hand and grasped it gently laying it in my lap. Seth turned his face to me and took a deep breath before swallowing.

 “Skylah, the legends are true. We are shapeshifters, me, Leah, Embry, Jared, Quil, Paul, Jake and Sam is our alpha. I'm telling you this because when I first met you, I imprinted on you. And all imprintees need to know about us and what we can do. The cold ones-.”

“Vampires?” I asked him interrupting as he placed his hand over my own. I flinched away from his touch and his warm brown eyes were filled with sorrow.

 “Yes vampires, we are werewolves, its why were so hot all the time. Its why we eat so much, its why everything about us seems a little off. Emily is Sam’s imprint, Kim is Jared’s, Quil has just imprinted on Emily’s niece Claire, and Paul has imprinted on jakes sister Rachel. You are my imprint.”

 “What does imprint mean?” I asked him as I stood up starting to back away from him. I noticed the hurt in his eyes.

 “that we are bound to that person for life, to be whatever they want us to be as a friend, a brother or a lover. We will do anything to protect our imprints. Technically it’s a soulmate but if you don’t want that with me, I will be anything you want me to be, even if it’s just a protector.”

 “Seth this is all too much for me. I don’t know what to say, I'm not even sure I believe you.” I held up my hands and took a few more steps away from Seth. I noticed that everyone’s eyes were now on Seth and I as I slowly backed away from him as he tried to reach out for me.

 “Skye, just listen to him, he’s telling the truth.” I heard Jake say in the background.

 “No! you don’t get to say anything either! You kept this from me as well!” I spun around on my heel and ran into the forest. I could feel one of the boys following me and I hoped it wasn’t Jake or Seth. They both lied to me.

I kept running until I tripped on tree root and fell catching myself with my hands scraping them up and then backing up until my head hit the tree I tripped on. I must have hit it harder than I thought, because the last thing I saw before blackness clouded my vision was a black, brown and grey wolf bounding over to me.

[doortotomorrow]

I was tagged by @blodreina-noumou​ to answer some questions about my favourite TV shows, so I’ll list my favourite shows and take it from there!

Doctor Who The 100 12 Monkeys Smallville The Musketeers

Who is your favorite character in 2?

I mean...there’s no real contest here for who my favourite character is from The 100. Everybody here knows my brand! Emori kom Spacekru, of course!

Who is your least favorite character in 1?

Oooooh...least favourite Doctor Who character...that’s a challenge since the series has a whole host of memorable, lovable characters, but if I had to choose...I’d say Simm’s Master. His type of villainy and character is best enjoyed in small doses because characters who’re constantly going over the top are grating on the nerves for me.

What is your favorite episode of 4?

Smallville ran for so long, it’s hard to choose just one, but if you were to twist my arm around...I’d probably go for Homecoming. It’s got a little bit of everything in it and it’s one of the best written episodes of the whole series. Poignant stuff!

What is your favorite season of 5?

The first season of The Musketeers is the series’ strongest season in my eyes(thanks to the stellar performance of Peter Capaldi as Cardinal Richelieu). The cinematography is wonderfully staged, the fight scenes are bracing, the characters are all well serviced throughout the episodes, getting amazing moments to shine, the music is well scored, providing the perfect panache...just all out amazing stuff!

Who is your favorite couple in 3?

It’s been a good long time since the main characters of a show have been my favourite couple, but 12 Monkeys did it right with Cassie and James. They work well off of each other, are both strongly written characters so they’re on equal footing, and well...are really pretty to look at!

Who is your favorite couple in 2?

Look at how beautiful they are...they should have sent a poet! John Murphy and Emori kom Spacekru are THE romance from The 100. They’ve had the most romantic scenes in the show and have constantly surprised us at every turn. I adore them!

What is your favorite episode of 1?

My favourite episodes(a three part story spanning three episodes) of Doctor Who are the last three episodes of Clara Oswald’s time in the TARDIS. Face the Raven, Heaven Sent, and Hell Bent. These episodes are a tour de force of high stakes emotion, beautiful performances, epic music, all culminating in one of the saddest goodbyes the Doctor’s ever had with one of his companions. Clara’s last story’s beautifully cathartic.

What is your favorite episode of 5?

Through a Glass Darkly, hands down, is the best episode of The Musketeers. Every element of that episode is so tight and crisp. The one off villain for the episode’s enthralling, the romance is at its height, the acting’s on point, and the scenery’s dessert for the eyes.

What is your favorite season of 2?

Yes, the season was weighed down by a lot of controversy, but my favourite season of The 100 is the third season. ALIE’s my favourite villain of the story(I’m a huge Terminator fan and she was giving me major Skynet vibes, so I dug into it), it fully introduced Emori while also beginning Memori’s epic love story, getting to see people acting possessed is always a fun fright, and we got into the history of how the world got blown up in the first place. So overall, the third’s my favourite.

How long have you watched 1?

I’ve been watching Doctor Who ever since 2011 and I haven’t looked back since. It’s the holy grail in terms of sci-fi. The Doctor can look like anyone and sound like anyone, the companion can look and sound like anyone, and come from any place in time and space...and the coolest thing of all? Thanks to the TARDIS being able to travel anywhere in space and time, a Doctor Who story can be about ANYTHING! There’s no limits to Doctor Who, and so, therefore, it can go on forever!

How did you become interested in 3?

I became interested in 12 Monkeys when a friend of mine(she knows who she is! 😉), brought it up while discussing one of the actors who worked on the show. When I saw that it was about time travel, I dived right the fuck in since time travel’s one of my favourite sci-fi story engines, and I blazed right through it in under a week. I highly recommend watching it!

Who is your favorite actor in 4?

Erica Durance is without a doubt the strongest actor from Smallville. I couldn’t have asked for a better Lois Lane. Whenever I picture Lois in my head, it’s her face I envision!

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

Doctor Who. It’s pure, unfiltered comfort. No matter how terrifying and no matter how sad it gets, the series will more often than not end the episode off on hopeful note. 

Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3 ?

I’ve definitely seen more episodes of Doctor Who than 12 Monkeys considering how 12 Monkeys’ run is massively short compared to that of Doctor Who’s!

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

She’s a badass journalist who gets results while also getting her beautiful self worshiped by Clark Kent every night. Better believe I wanna be Lois!

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

Smallville and 12 Monkeys? Better believe it could, what with Clark having access to the Legion Ring. It would be really great to see Clark helping James Cole repair the broken timeline!

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple.

They didn’t meet, but I went through a period of time where I got really into shipping Rose and Clara together. The notion of the two companions I had the biggest crush on becoming a couple and such was too tantalizing to pass up!

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

Why must you do this to me?! 12 Monkeys and The Musketeers were consistently written across the board, but if you had to grab me by the scruff, I’d say 12 Monkeys since time travel’s a bitch to nail down properly and they pulled it off!

Which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

Let’s make this one a tie. They’re both so different from each other considering one’s about the origin story of Superman and the other’s about humanity’s desperate survival, conveying separate themes and emotions entirely. I love both!

[hvcy]

Undoubtedly Raw: Take on Lover

As I write this, it’s going to be the 3rd time I listen to the full album. To give a hint on how I reacted the first two times, let’s just say I panicked, I screamed, I cheered, just, all sorts of emotions were there.

I Forgot That You Existed: At first, before I hit play, I felt anxious. As the song progresses, I found myself just smiling. I love how she said “indifference”. It is a solid intro for an album; not a shocker but also not borderline forgettable.

It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference.

Cruel Summer: I fucking love Jack Antonoff’s robotic backtrack vocals during the verses. Before the album was released, I expect the song to be some shady or even a sassy track. I’M NOT DISAPPOINTED; I’M SHOCKED. I love the bridge so much. The bridge snaps. I would repeat the bridge a hundred times. Definitely a level higher than “Blank Space”. I was surprised by the length of the track, but it felt fitting.

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth, I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" He looks up, grinning like a devil.

Lover: No words for this track. It took me to another dimension of pink clouds, heart-eyed emojis, slow dancing with my own lover. Funny thing is I am with my own favorite person when I first listened to this, and I was just smiling the whole time to contain all of my emotions.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?

The Man: This track receives a massive hype before the album release, and I’m just so glad that I didn’t expect anything from this. The hook surprised me, but the overall feel of the song is not for my personal spectrum. I enjoyed the bridge but the song as a whole is not for me. Lyrically, it’s appealing and controversial to the public. Would I be happy for this to be a single? Probably. But I wouldn’t want to repeat playing the track as much as the other tracks. Just: Holy shit, she went off!

What's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I'd be a bitch, not a baller. They'd paint me out to be bad, so it's okay that I'm mad.

The Archer: The whole hype around the production spreading all over the Internet isn’t working for me. Around the time this was released as a promo single, I wasn’t myself, so it probably contributes to what I feel towards this song. As an album track, however, it fell flat. After my first listen on the whole album, this is one of the tracks I wouldn’t go back to listen to on a daily basis.

I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

I Think He Knows: A subtle visual. I love the verses, but the chorus not so much. It felt like a commercial song, but I get how it fits to the album.

"Where we gonna go?" I think he knows.

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: NOW THIS IS A SOLID ONE. One word: ethereal. At first, I didn’t get the political references on this one. After my first listen, I went straight to the Genius website and my fan account on Twitter to get the whole point of this song. I was amazed by the whole concept of this song; how different styles managed to fit perfectly in this almost-4-minute track. This is my most favorite track on the album. Would I want this to be a single? Probably not. Usually when I listen to tracks that have deep storylines, I would visualize a music video or just portrayals of those excellent lyrics; I’d never want to ruin that concept for this song. One thing’s for sure: I would repeat this for months.

And I'll never let you go 'cause I know this is a fight that someday we're gonna win.

Paper Rings: Production-wise, this is a shocker. But the moment the chorus went in, I immediately loved this. When I feel sappy and shit, I would still listen to this. Whenever I’m home alone, I would listen to this, without a doubt. This is not a childish song at all. I believe the song has this sort of sound is because love will make you feel that being with that person is the most important thing in the world, and no material shiny thing would even compare to that feeling.

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you're the one I want.

Cornelia Street: The secret sessioners ranked this track as their most favorite on the album prior of its release. I listen to this with my eyes closed, hands on my chest, trying to feel the words that she’s saying. When the post-bridge came in, and she said “I hope I never lose you.” that’s how it hit me. It hit me to the point that I have also a Cornelia Street in my life. I have a past relationship where I was the one who’s more attached than the other. We went to the theatre together, and after our relationship ended, I never wanted to go back to that same theatre again. We usually sit together in class during breaks, and after that I felt awkward just sitting with strangers. It’s just a feeling that you think you would never be prepared of; no matter how scared you are of the outcome, you just don’t want to go there.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: The introduction snaps! This is not my cup of tea at all, but I enjoyed this track at least. Again, Ms. Swift, with all the bridges of the tracks! Her and Antonoff’s bridges through the years are getting more and more well-thought-out.

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust: tryna find a part of me you didn't take up. Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough, but I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts.

London Boy: A cute track. Similar thoughts with “I Think He Knows”. In the future, I hope I could also make a song about my favorite person telling everyone in the same way of appreciation Taylor exudes on this song.

They say home is where the heart is; But that's not where mine lives.

Soon You’ll Get Better: I know the background of this song prior to initial release, and I already knew this is going to be the hardest to listen to. But the lyrics of this is the most unexpected thing I’ve heard from the whole album. It feels like everyone who has a pain similar to Taylor’s can relate. Mine isn’t about family, or a specific loved one; I thought of myself. I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I listened to this. I thought of listening to another person in my own point of view. I thought of somebody singing the song to me, telling me that I have to get better. I will be better soon. I will have a hard time repeating this song in the future, for sure. 

And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?

False God: As I was just preparing myself after the disastrous outcome brought by the previous track to me, this sexy track came in. I wasn’t ready! First song came to mind was “So it Goes” of reputation. “So it Goes” is my most favorite track on rep the first time I listened to the album. I didn’t feel the same way to “False God” because of how it played while I’m still preparing for my emotional mess. Still, it’s a sexy track. A chill and not-so-subtle one.

They all warned us about times like this. They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith, but we might just get away with it.

You Need to Calm Down: This is THE lead single. Out of the 4 songs that were released before the album release, this is the superior one. Miles far from (let’s talk about it later). Going back, this is a complete serve for all the people of our society, not just the community. Can you believe she took her legacy on a pedestal just to show her support to the LGBTQ+?

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression but I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun.

Afterglow: UGH. Fuck. I don’t know, man. Just listen to this track. I relate to this track so fucking much. I am that person whom I think apologizes too much, even in the small things in life. But to think of it, it’s not wrong to admit you’re wrong on a situation where you’ve both argued or misunderstood each other. Or when that person is upset because of your actions, and you can’t do anything but to suck it up and face your fears; face the reality that even you can do stupid things. This is the song that says “Hey, I know I do stuff sometimes, but I’m willing to work it out: all because of you.” FUCK THIS.

I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you. I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you.

ME!: I’m a very kind person, hell I love Taylor to death, but I would agree with the general public that this is the worst lead single of her legacy. This deserves to be at least a second or third single of the album, but not the one to jumpstart a highly anticipated successor of a dark era from the once America’s Sweetheart. It didn’t deserve, however, the disrespect it gets just because of its underwhelming performance on the charts.

And when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name. I never wanna see you walk away.

It’s Nice to Have a Friend: I personally believe you need to be in a specific mood to get along with the vibe of this track. On my initial listen, it sparked an interest to me to repeat it again afterwards, but it just stands there. Nothing interesting.

Call my bluff, call you "babe". Have my back every day; feels like home.

Daylight: Let me just say, I don’t wanna listen to other artists now that I got Taylor. Perfect ender. I would even pick this more than “Begin Again”, and *sigh* “Clean”. It’s perfect, need I say more?

I once believed love would be burning red but it's golden like daylight.

[poorvioletdraws]

Tom vs. The Underworld

*I decided to write a fanfic based specifically around Tom from SVTFOE and my oc, Raya as practice for a bigger project I want to do one day since I haven’t written any kind of story in years. It takes place mainly in the Underworld around season 4 and later post-Cleaved. This is the first chapter. Hope you like it and happy reading!

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Chapter 1: Someday I Suppose

I had been passing the time in between deliveries for my eldest sister, Rochelle, by playing an old favorite of mine on my Sintendo 66 gaming console in the backroom of her feed and bait store. Being the youngest of seven from the infamous Stone Demon family, the Belmontes, I constantly had a lot of pressure on me to turn out just like my siblings whenever my last name was mentioned. All of my brothers wanted to be great builders like Dad. All of my sisters wanted to create magnificent swords and weaponry just like Mom. Then there was me. I wasn’t very good at building or creating anything really. Except when it came to music.

Music was always a passion of mine to forget about the normalcy of my reality, and having a game like “The Legend of Lilith: Fiddle of Time” to consume myself with really highlighted that vehement urge for escape. I often times would play the many medleys and songs for hours on my saxophone after such sessions. My family and friends knew this ritual of mine all too well and would admonish that I can get lost in the music and forget reality if I’m not careful, though I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend my day honestly. 

It wasn’t until the third time of Rochelle’s abrupt entry--swinging the door open and shaking the room with her shouting--that I had to tear away from my fantasy and get started on that invoice in order to not incite her wrath any further. I idly examined the statement and retrieved each item, all the while as my older sister berated my slothlike behavior and questioned aloud why I even decided to help out at her store knowing my history of “slackerdom”. The address was a recurring one whose proprietor always paid in advance so this would be a quick delivery. They also preferred to be left anonymous yet they religiously requested the delivery of the same bulk products every few weeks--Hydraworms, Tears of the Harpy, Leviathan Leeches, spool of Acromantula web, skeleton horse hay and grass (not to be confused with flesh horse hay and grass), and a few boxes of “Underworld’s Best Bunny Pellets” just to name a few on the list. I knew it all like the basic fingerings of my sax.

As soon as I packed the last of the order into my Golem--the only thing I created with my elemental abilities that was actually exceptional according to my Dad--I was off and heading out to Lava Lake. My eagerness of getting back to my game and becoming further engrossed in a fantasy of excitement gradually subsided as I gazed across the bubbling body of lava. There were demons swiftly surfing across the molten rock waves of the beach while others were challenging each other to an intense game of Skull Ball. A group of Monster tourists were fishing off the Dock of Unending Torment at the same time another group was setting sail on their ghost ship rental. Small demon children were joyfully building sand coffins and burying each other in the dark gray grainy substance, their laughter becoming an accompaniment with the rest of the enjoyment on the beach. Although playing games and creating music were fun hobbies of mine, it was seeing crowds of people having fun themselves and getting lost in their excitement that was something else I would never get tired of. Everyone seemed to be so happy as they relished in the atmosphere. And witnessing such happiness made me happy for them as well. 

This part of the beach was the busiest; a prime location for my sister’s shop. Our mom suggested she learn how to run a smaller business before taking on the huge responsibility that is the family trade, and like the obedient daughter she is, my sister followed through without hesitation. Plus, Rochelle was able to practice forging smaller items like fishing knives and hooks when she wasn’t spending her free time bossing me around. She would rush me if I couldn’t ring a customer up fast enough and belittle me when I accidentally spilled something (multiple things) and didn’t clean it up right away--which is why she has tasked me with deliveries. I can’t destroy the shop if I’m not in the shop, I guess. And it was only one time where I accidentally let loose that swarm of piranhaflies in the store; in my defense, I didn’t know you sell the whole container of the creature to a customer instead of just one individually.

I know she assumes I purposefully don’t work at my full potential, but I really am trying to. I may be slow and clumsy, but I genuinely want to do the best I can to help my sister achieve her goal, even if my own hasn’t really been figured out yet. I like observing her work. She knows how to answer every question a customer has and can find the best solution to their problem. I like how she includes me in things that interest her too. She shows me the best bait to use to catch a Flaming Crococricket and how to break open the shell of an Ember Berry to use the juice for medicinal purposes. But most of all, I like seeing how happy helping others makes her feel. Sometimes, while we are sitting out on the beach together and watching the waves calm at the end of the day, I glance over and admire the contentment of Rochelle. She is truly happy with her existence and extends that aspect towards others, something I secretly yearn for. She inspires me to be that kind of beacon in someone else’s life one day. But with my reputation of being a “lazy” and “procrastinating” demon lacking the expertise to carry on the Belmonte name, I highly doubt such a day would come anytime soon.

Being lost in my train of thought, I didn’t realize that dark maroon and coal black clouds were forming overhead. And then without warning, a thunderous boom filled the sky, shocking me as I clutched onto my Golem. The wind began to shoot passed me furiously and the clouds burst open, spitting down violent flames as the red waves crashed wildly on the barren land.

“Where’d this storm come from all of a sudden!” I shouted to myself, jumping from my Golem and placing my hand on its base. It began breaking down from its previous walking form and into a makeshift stone shelter. Now covered from the onslaught of the fiery squall, I looked around at my surroundings. 

I had already wandered into the secluded area of the beach where the crowd had vanished from sight. This was definitely part of my usual route but the storm was definitely not. Fire really couldn’t harm me with my skin being partly covered with stone and all, but I was wearing my favorite outfit today and didn’t want it getting singed. I guess I’ll wait it out. 

I thought how mad my sister will be, knowing I’ve taken longer than I needed to. She probably thinks I am messing around this very minute. How was I to know a flash firestorm was going to occur? I then began to think of my friends back home in Chernabog City, the largest demon metropolis in the heart of Prickly Plains. The six of us would be hanging out at the arcade right around this time, maybe deciding if we wanted to go do karaoke before or after we ate at our favorite burger place, Grimdonald’s. We also formed a band together. Even though we are amateurs, we have a lot of fun just playing together regardless if we don’t always sound good. We don’t have a singer yet however. I haven’t had much time to hang out with my friends or look for a singer now that I help out my sister. She had told me that this busy season will be slowing down soon, which will be a pretty good thing. Not that I’m complaining, but I would like to focus more on our music we had been creating together lately.

All of a sudden and as quickly as it started, the storm died down, leaving no trace of its presence at all. A bright rainbow shown through in its place off the horizon. I looked around quickly for a sign of familiarity. Off to the far side of my Golem structure, there was a wooden post near some large rocks that read “Private Property”. I gave a sigh of relief, knowing I was almost to my destination. I transformed my Golem back into its riding form and continued on. Aside from the bipolarity of the weather, it had been just another typical day in the Underworld. Instances such as that one do not happen out of the ordinary too often. Guess that was my bit of excitement for the day. Or so I thought.

A spacious beach-side home--not too extravagant but still containing the right amount of grotesque appeal demons like--was positioned comfortably near the lake of fire, separating the rocky terrain from the burning abyss before it. A large cone shaped tower with a beaming eye atop it sat adjacent to the home. Having stopped by the carport where a blue vehicle was parked, I hopped off my Golem and retrieved the boxes to be delivered from its carriage. Carrying so many in one trip wouldn’t be too hard of a task for me, though if my sister were present she would comment how I’m just being too lazy to want to make multiple trips. I staggered over to the door with the mountain of goods and was able to extend one of my fingers just enough to press the doorbell without dropping the load. I turned to the side so my head wasn’t blocked by the packages and could greet the usual patron that came to answer.

However, instead of being greeted by the high pitch voice of the little red winged demon that would confirm the address and flap away with the order just as fast as he came to the door, a teenage demon boy with pale lilac skin and salmon-colored hair answered it.

“Hey.” he said calmly.

Still taken aback by the fresh face, I mumbled, “Um… Uh--Hi. delivery for this address from Styx & Stones.”

The demon boy looked puzzled at first but when I mentioned the name of the store he quickly caught on and said, “Oh yea, my Dad placed the order not too long ago. For the Lucitors, right?”

“Well… it always comes in as Anony—Wait, Lucitor?” I uttered the last name again.

“Yeeea…?” he shrugged coolly..

 “As in THE Lucitors?!” I gasped alarmingly.

“Uh huh, yep.” he repeated his affirmation without hesitation.

“As in KING and QUEEN Lucitor!” I blurted out, my eyes were probably as wide as saucers at this point.

“Yea, well, they are my parents so…” He chuckled a bit as he averted his eyes to the side and itched at his cheek.

“Eh! So you’re Prince Lucitor?!”  I squealed, feeling an overwhelming rush of anxiety take over me.

“Uh, you can just call me—“

“I’m so sorry for my rudeness!” My body began to tremble and my voice was shaking as I panicked, “P-Please forgive me, Your Highness!” I instantly hung my head down, my red hair falling in my face. But because I had hastily bowed to the demon prince, I did not realize I had dropped the entire order to the ground in the process. My hands clutched at the sides of my face in horror. “Ah! I dropped all of your stuff, I’m so sorry!” I fell on my knees and started to frantically collect the pile of items around me. “Sorry for my incompetence, I’ll make sure you don’t get charged if anything is messed up! I’m so very sorry, Your Highness sir!”

“Uhh..” he couldn’t find his words; probably because he is too busy considering various ways to discipline me for my insolence, no doubt. Even worse, he will probably go get King and Queen Lucitor and tell them what I have done!

I bent down even further, slamming my forehead to the floor with my knees in my chest. If it weren’t for me being a Stone Demon, such an action would knock out anybody else. Although, I do wish I were unconscious right now instead of feeling like such an idiot in the presence of our prince. I wish I could just bury myself in the sand and disappear. Now it made sense why the order was always left anonymous. The royal Lucitor family owns this home! How could I have spoken to royalty--our prince of the Underworld--in such a casual tone. Once my family finds out about how I have shamed them, I’ll be banished, I’m sure! Just the thought of such impending ostracization had me sweating bullets and my yellow eyes filling with tears. I needed to find redemption with him somehow. 

So, while still being extremely embarrassed, I was able to meekly cry out, “I didn’t know your family was staying here, I deserve whatever punishment you see fit for my blatant disrespect, Your Highness!”

Silence.

I didn’t dare look up from the ground but when I saw the shadow of his hand raise, I knew it was coming. I held my breath as my own hands clenched at the floor beneath me and my body stiffened in anticipation of his chosen judgement. But instead of a rage-filled strike, my shoulder was met with his touch in a comforting way. I slowly brought my head up to look in his direction, casting my hair to the side and finally out of my face. 

He gave a half-smile,  “Ok, look. I know I’ve been a bit of a… of a jerk before in the past with my subjects--and believe me, I get how some of you may still think of me as this angry, spoiled guy--but I have changed SO much now. And thanks to a lot of people close to me, I am working on my temper so I can be a better prince for the future of the Underworld.”

Still nervous, I murmured, “Your Highness, n-no… I wasn’t calling you a--”

“And all that Your Highness stuff, psshh, you can just call me Tom. It is my name after all.” He removed his hand from my shoulder and began reaching for a box.

I began to worry again, “No, Your Highness, please, you shouldn’t do that, it’s my fault you--”

“Hyuh!” He called out as he shot his hand upward. In an instant, all of the items in disarray on the floor suddenly floated in the air. He motioned his hand towards his front door and everything that had been levitating proceeded to quickly fly inside his beach house. 

I was at a loss for words. His telekinetic ability was amazing, but I didn’t expect less of a feat from such a high-born child whose family rules over the Underworld.

“Well, there we go.” He turned back in my direction with his hands on his hips and all three of his red eyes now fixed on me. “So, you uh, going to get off of the ground, or something?”

I jumped to my feet, feeling some of the debilitating anxiety slowly release its hold on me. I tried to calm myself but my words still came out in a panic, “I-I-I-m so sorry you had to do that, Your High--”

“Hey, I told you. You can call me Tom, all my friends do.” he gave a genuine smile.

My mouth was slightly agape but I didn’t really care how I looked right now. I was still in awe of being able to stand in front of one of the Lucitors of the Underworld. I clutched my hands together tightly to my chest, something I always tend to do when I am unsure how to read the situation. I have never met anyone of royalty before, let alone seen anyone of such stature before either. How I imagined the prince to be was not the same person I am seeing before me. My friends and I thought of him and his family to be the most despicable and aggressive of creatures, ready to obliterate any one of us lesser demons who even dare cough in the same room as them. This demon boy was nothing like that. He wasn’t terrifying or vile. He looked just like us. He dressed like us. He smiled. And not in a deceptive way. An actual sincere smile. Looking into his eyes and observing that smiling face, I felt my guard beginning to slip a little. I was about to muster up enough courage to reply to him when--

“Tom! Your Dad got the board drawn for Sand Darts and you’re up first, handsome!” a cheery and youthful female voice called from inside the home. 

“Oh ho, It’s on! Coming, Star!” The demon prince turned away and was about to close the door behind him when he paused. He glanced back at me and said, “Oh, I never got your name.”

I began to blush nervously as I stared at my feet. I took a breath and was able to mumble out, “Uhm.. It’s… Raya… Your Hi--Uhm... Prince Tom…”

“Cool, nice to meet you, Raya. Well, see-ya around. Heh heh.” He pointed his hand at me like a finger gun and winked all in one motion before shutting the door behind him, getting a laugh at his play on words with my name.

And just like that, I was alone again. I don’t remember how long I stood there staring at the now closed door, or when I finally returned to my Golem to take the trek back to my sister’s store. I never really felt like this before. Everything seemed so unreal and as if my head was in a haze. I can’t believe I met the prince of the Underworld. He wasn’t what I expected at all, which was kind of a good thing really. He was very welcoming, kind of dorky, and, most importantly, he was happy. Just like my sister, Rochelle. He has the kind of happiness in him that is unbreakable. Which is to be expected, being a prince and all. 

Coming from royalty, his life must have always been easy and perfect; with a future decided for him, he probably doesn’t have a care in the world. His royal parents must really love him and that female voice, a princess girlfriend perhaps, loves him too. He probably can have anything he could ever want and do whatever he wanted to. His reality is that of a  most coveted fantasy by many. But, despite all that, his happiness is still pure and the kind I admire. The kind I wouldn’t mind being around more in hopes of taking in some of that for myself, if that were even possible. Random encounters such as this don’t happen everyday. How many of us common demon folk even get to say we met Prince Lucitor? … Prince Tom… His friends call him Tom… I wonder what it's like being friends with someone like him…

Secretly I hope one day I’ll know. Someday, I suppose...

Read on:

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9  | Chapter 10

[lady-hype]

Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Words, But This One Only Needs Three (Alana Kusuma x F!MC (Lia Park)

<< Set after the Perfect Match Book 2 finale. Everyone has gone back to their respective lives. Lia and most of the gang head back to New York while Alana is away on her new job. And since we don’t know what the hell MC does as their day job, mine will be a bartender. Also, a fair amount of story building so you won’t be getting the sexy Interpol agent right away. (I know it sucks, but I can’t write without giving context ;_;) >>

(I know I should be working on my Shreya x MC fic, but Perfect Match’s finale had me feeling all kinds of something)

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“Liaaaaaaa....” Nadia groaned as she sat on the cushy bar stool. At her cousin’s noncommittal hum, she sighed and sagged against the sleek wooden counter, “I need inspiration! My artistic tank has run empty and I need a refill.”

Lia smirked and threw her small towel onto her shoulder, “Let me guess..something boozy, sugary, and brightly colored?” Though, she didn’t even need to bother asking, because her bubbly cousin asked for the same drink every time these “artist blocks” came up. Nadia’s knowing grin only made Lia chuckle, pondering how her taste buds handled the drink every time.

Lia made idle chit-chat with Nadia as she looked around the bar. A fair amount of her regulars had come in that Friday night, the quiet music being drowned out by excited chatter. She smiled to herself as she poured the bright green beverage into its glass, adding candy garnishes. Lia’s mind started to drift off, relishing in the calm that was in her life again. The fight with Eros had been long and grueling, making everyone weary and tired. At one point, she wasn’t sure if she would ever have normalcy again. But everything had, thankfully, worked out in the end. Lia and her friends were heralded as national heroes, being given eternal gratitude from President Thompson.

“...then Steve made the worst joke about armadillos!” Nadia finished, unaware that her cousin had spaced out. She waved her hand in Lia’s face. “Hellooooo? Earth to Lia!”

“Huh?” Lia’s eyes refocused and she looked back at Nadia.

“You forgot the little umbrella!” The artist grinned and gently tapped the rim of her glass. “Also..you doing alright?” Concern knit her brow as she gently touched Lia’s hand.

Lia smiled sheepishly and stuck a little umbrella in the sweet-smelling drink before squeezing Nadia’s hand, “Yea I’m fine. Just..thinking about the journey we went through. I know it’s been a few months but it seems like just yesterday we were at that gala saving the president.”

Nadia sipped her drink quietly, lost in her own musings before speaking up, “I get what you mean. I sort of miss the whole gang. But Khaan and Sloane are busy revitalizing Eros, D is working again, and Alana is who knows where.” 

“Yea..but those two computer whizzes are making amazing progress! And Damien is finally joining us in this technological age.” Lia’s typical optimism failed to rein in the thoughts that followed after. She stared out into the small sea of people, mumbling to herself, “I--...I mean, WE haven’t heard from Alana in a while.” Her slightly embarrassed smile didn’t go unnoticed by Nadia, who was now sporting a shit-eating grin.

“Speaking of hot Interpol agents..” Nadia began whilst running her fingers around the rim of her glass, “Did you two ever become a thing?” 

The quizzical look she gave Lia silently pried the bartender’s heart open, slowly letting out the feelings she had been trying push to the back of her mind. Her voice was barely above a whisper before she spoke, “I think so?” Lia frowned as she thought of how she should word it. “It was before she left for her next job. I took her to the airport during Hayden’s housewarming party. It was a bit..emotional, to say the least. I could still sense some apprehension.”

“What do you mean?”

Lia bit her lip at Nadia’s question before slouching down and resting her chin on her palm. “She’s one of a kind, Nadia. She doesn’t take shit from anyone. Her freedom is immensely important to her. She was afraid that I wouldn’t want that. She might have thought I wanted to chain her down. But..I told her that part of her was something I never wanted to change. After that, things seemed to be alright. We never really put a label on what we were. But..hell do I miss her.” Despite their conversation seeming to have gone favorably, there was still a hint of sadness in Lia’s eyes.

There was an audible silence despite the laughter of Lia’s patrons. Nadia could almost hear the gears turning in her cousin’s head. She hadn’t gotten to know the Interpol agent well throughout their travels, let alone speak much volume with her. But it was quite obvious that Lia was undeniably smitten with Alana. There was this dreamy look about the bartender that made Nadia chuckle a bit before thinking back to the uncertainty that seemed to cling to her cousin.

“So you don’t know when she’s supposed to be finished with her job?” The artist inquired before frowning at the shake of a head. Nadia sighed and drank more of her insanely sugary booze, deciding that it’d be best to drop the subject for now. “Do you have any plans after work?”

“Sloane and Hayden invited me over for documentary night,” Lia said as she cleaned a glass, “and Sloane insisted on looking at the stars after. She’s trying to pack in as much as she can on her day off.” Her mood was starting to lighten up as she thought of her two best friends when it instantly soured, hearing loud angry voices. She knew that the argument would break out into a fist fight if she didn’t step in soon, so she strode over to the source of the commotion. “Hey, knock it off or I’m going to have to throw you bo--” 

Lia stopped in her tracks when her eyes met familiar brown ones. Her breath hitched as she realized that Alana Kusuma was in front of her. The Interpol agent that took her breath away was here at her bar, sporting that damn smirk that did things to her. 

“Hey babe.” Alana said with such familiarity that one wouldn’t think the two hadn’t seen each other in months. “I was just telling this chump I’m not interested in whatever they have to offer. For the third time.” 

The aforementioned patron pointed a wobbly finger at Alana, slurring their words, “And for the third time, I told you I can offer you more than this place can back at my apartment!” The perverted grin that accompanied their statement only made Alana roll her eyes in disgust.

“I highly doubt that because the bartender is here and she has a better chance at making me feel good than you ever will.” Alana’s snarky attitude was lost on the tipsy customer, but the unabashedly suggestive statement was not lost on Lia, who was blushing more than she should have been.

Shaking her head and sighing, Lia walked around the bar and stepped in front of the offending customer, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave. The lady said she’s not interested.” She straightened up and squared her shoulders, seeing how the glazed-over eyes staring at her slowly began brewing with hostility.

“I can do whatever the hell I want! You ain’t the boss of me, girlie.” They rolled their eyes and scoffed, leaning heavily against the counter. They reeked of alcohol and it only added to the disrespect they were showing everyone who now had their eyes on the disruption.

Alana was about to take a step forward and clock the rude customer when Lia stepped into their space and gave the meanest glare. The Interpol agent recognized that look and she could only smile. The bartender wasn’t the woman Alana remembered. The whole battle with Eros certainly gave the raven-haired woman a “zero tolerance for shit” attitude. And quite frankly, Alana found that incredibly attractive. She smiled to herself and leaned against the bar as she saw the drunken patron visibly cower in the new intimidating presence.

Lia put her hands on her hips and spoke in a surprisingly calm tone, “Don’t disrespect my friend. I asked you nicely but you didn’t listen.” She let her hands fall to the side as the offender awkwardly stood up to protest. “Get. The. Hell. Out.” Her bravado seemed to do its job as the bumbling mess of a customer stumbled out the door, cursing under their breath.

The Interpol agent looked Lia up and down, giving an appreciative grin. She made her way over to where Nadia was, who watching them with curiosity. After settling on her bar stool, Alana slid some money across the counter and met Lia’s welcoming gaze, “Give me the best whiskey you got, neat.”

Lia nodded and poured the drink, placing it on the counter space in front of Alana. Nadia had a million questions swirling in her head, but with how her cousin looked, she chose to nurse her drink instead. Lia kept opening and closing her mouth, words failing to surface every time. Nadia had been around her cousin long enough to know exactly what was going on in her dear friend’s mind. The slightly creased brow and the hidden turmoil in her eyes always meant the same thing: “I missed you.” But the bartender knew there was a time and place for that, but it wasn’t here. The artist heard a sigh of resignation before seeing her cousin resume making drinks.

After the silence stretched into awkward territory, Nadia spoke up, “So Alana! Welcome back! It’s good to see you again. It’s been like..five months?”

Alana took a sip of her whiskey and set her glass down, resting her elbows on the counter. “It would seem so. I just finished up my job so I’ve got some time to kill before the next one’s lined up.” She said with indifference as she watched Lia shaking up some cocktails, fulling grasping how much the bartender seemed to have changed both mentally and physically.

The woman in question had a new air of unspoken confidence, not quite cockiness. When patrons asked what drinks she recommended, she spoke her mind on what was good and bad, but she always remained down-to-earth. Lia had earned herself a reputation of being an insanely talented and charming bartender. Alana could definitely see that the raven-haired beauty was in her element, fully invested in creating the best drinks for the best experience she could offer for her patrons. Lia’s updated appearance struck Alana in an indescribable but good way. Her hair had grown out long enough to a nice layered shoulder length and there was the smallest bit of a new tattoo peeking out from under her rolled sleeves. Her frame was also a bit more filled out, giving suggestions that the bartender had been working out.

Alana was pulled from her thoughts when a melodic voice reached her ears.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lia asked while sporting a smirk that Alana returned in kind when she looked up.

“A penny wouldn’t be enough for what I got on my mind.” The Interpol agent said with a slight tone of indifference.

Lia raised her eyebrow and leaned against the counter, “Care to enlighten me?” Her teasing tone was evidence to the fact that she had picked up on the ever-so-slightly flirtatious tone in Alana’s previous statement.

“Well, you aren’t worth that little so...” was all Alana said before trailing off with a wink.

Once the bartender had caught on, her eyes became unreadable. Deciding to take a leap of faith once more, she quipped back, “I understand. You’re worth so much more to me, so..yeah, I get you.” 

Nadia instantly recognized this atmosphere, so she opted for moving away from the pair and beaming, seeing Lia look happier than she had been just moments ago. She decided to take her leave and chat up some friendly patrons at a community table.

The rowdiness of the bar seemed to fade away as Alana and Lia’s eyes met again. No more playful grins or witty retorts; just the two of them relishing in each other’s presence after being apart for months. 

Deciding that the silence had drawn on long enough, Alana reached across the counter and gently grasped Lia’s hand, “When does your shift end?”

Lia looked down to their joined hands before looking back up at Alana, turning her hand up to give the brunette’s hand a gentle squeeze, “In an hour, but I actually have plans..” The raven-haired woman spoke, but stopped shortly after when she saw hope flicker and fade into disappointment in Alana’s eyes. “Hold that thought.”

Lia took her phone out of her pocket and texted Hayden and Sloane.

(Booze Ticket): Hey you two..sorry, change of plans. I won’t be able to make it to documentary night tonight.

(Indescribably Cool Girl): Aww :( What happened?

(Orion): ???

(Booze Ticket): Alana’s back in town.

(Indescribably Cool Girl): That’s great! Tell her we say hi!

(Orion): Be safe! Use the appropriate protective measures.

(Indescribably Cool Girl): Sloane..I know we said we’d both be supportive, but..not what I had in mind.

(Orion): Woops. 

Lia chuckled before slipping her phone back into her pocket, being greeted with a curious look. “Well Alana, I changed some things around. So tonight..” She leaned in slightly, inviting the brunette to do the same. Whispering ever so quietly into a waiting ear, she murmurs, “I’m all yours.”

As she withdrew from Alana’s space, she saw a quick flash of something in the Interpol agent’s eyes. Hope. Wonder. Hunger. Lia couldn’t help but smirk, noting how she was able to catch this new side of Alana. Not entirely vulnerable, but much more open and accepting of being able to fall into her feelings. 

Finishing her whiskey, Alana stands and turns to leave, throwing a grin over her shoulder, “I’ll see you then, Lia. Don’t be late heading home.”

Lia could only beam as she had a lot more to look forward to after her shift was over.

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Riddled with exhaustion, Lia stepped out of the elevator to her apartment floor. Though, it instantly vanished upon seeing one Alana Kusuma leaning right outside her door, who turned to smile at her. Seeing the one woman she missed the most was like a breath of everything refreshing. She had spent so long pining for Alana, missing the headstrong and sexy agent. And in a matter of moments, Lia would have the brunette in her arms with no intention of letting her go.

Having enough of this distance (no matter how small it was), Lia walked up to Alana and looked into warm expectant eyes. “I missed you...” She spoke softly as she held her arms out, reaching out to Alana slow enough just to see if it was something she wanted.

But before her hands were even halfway across the small gap, Alana pulled Lia close and wrapped her arms loosely around the bartender’s neck. Slender fingers slowly combed up the back of Lia’s head, sending shivers up her spine. There was no hesitation in her eyes, no stiff nerves in her embrace; only relief and adoration. Alana gently pressed her soft full lips to Lia’s, kissing her sweetly before pulling back, “I missed you too.” Alana gave a quick smile before stepping out of the embrace, tilting her head towards Lia’s apartment door, “So, you gonna let me in or are we doing it out here in the hallway?” 

“Alana!” Lia playfully smacked the agent’s arm before unlocking her door, letting both of them in. “I’d rather not broadcast my sex life to my neighbors.” She leaned against the locked door and shot Alana a glare before dropping her bag on the counter. “Besides..I didn’t know where we were regarding that.”

“I know we didn’t really discuss it. I just thought it would have been a funny way to get your door opened faster.” A throaty chuckle came up from Alana’s chest as she looked around Lia’s apartment. “Nice place, by the way.”

Lia smiled and leaned her back against the counter, deep in thought as she looked at the object of her affections. “But is that something you want..or that you’re ready for?” 

Alana pursed her lips for a moment before breaking into a smile, “Are you kidding? You’re hot, Lia. Who wouldn’t want you?” She tried to power through the charged atmosphere with flirtatious bravado before biting her lip slightly. Leveling her gaze with Lia’s, she spoke up once again, “But for real, yea. Since we’re in a.. relationship,”Alana drew in a shaky breath, “I want to have sex with you. It’s natural since I like you as much as I do.”

The nervous smile that graced Alana’s lips made her seem too beautiful for words. Showing that kind of vulnerability was terrifying for the agent, but she knew the woman in front of her would still welcome her with open arms. Lia could only beam at Alana, moving forward to wrap her arms around Alana’s neck. Affectionately tugging the brunette’s hair, Lia spoke softly, “Hey, don’t be scared. I feel the same way. I’ve thought about that: you here and taking me.. “ She tilted her head slightly to kiss the agent, “Every. Single. Day.” Every word was punctuated with a kiss, each one lasting longer.

A quiet moan rumbled from Alana’s chest, making her breath hitch when Lia made her desire known. The brunette wrapped her arms around her future lover’s waist and kissed the bartender deeply. Alana’s hands slowly slid down to the small of Lia’s back, tracing her fingers around in circles before a smirk set on her face. She moved her hands around to the front of Lia’s pants and looped her fingers under the raven-haired woman’s belt, tugging. She gently guided the two of them towards Lia’s open bedroom door.

“Come on hot stuff, I think it’s time we catch up. Thoroughly.” Alana murmured, her voice thick with want. She glanced over her shoulder and caught Lia staring at her with lustful eyes, her teeth gently biting her lower lip. Once in the bedroom, the brunette spun them around and slowly backed Lia to the edge of the bed, matching the burning gaze that was being leveled at her. “Come on babe..you’re in for the ride of your life.” With those words, Alana pushed Lia back onto the bed and began to ravish her waiting partner. 

-------------- 

Moonlight filtered in through the cracks of the curtains and onto the bed where two naked bodies slept. Alana was the first of the two to wake up, brown eyes bleary. She reached left and groped the nightstand, picking up her phone to check the time. It was only 4 A.M. in the morning but Alana felt herself waking up more when she took in her surroundings. She sat up and soft blankets pooled around her hips as she took everything that was now sinking into her head. She couldn’t help the shudder that coursed through her nude form. There was a part of Alana that was still a bit fearful that Lia might change her mind and want her to settle down like Damien wanted her to. But she hadn’t felt such a strong genuine connection with someone like Lia for as long as she could remember. And it was evident that the dark-haired beauty was more than okay with Alana’s life. So, for her to feel so strongly about the slumbering woman beside her again, Alana couldn’t help but feel both scared and elated. She looked to her right and smiled, seeing Lia’s peaceful face as she slept. Blankets draped down the bartender’s waist, giving full view to her bare chest which caused Alana to grin at the memory of their tryst only hours ago.

The agent’s eyes then scanned the room and eventually fell to a set of pictures framed on the dressed across from her. Various photos adorned the piece of furniture, each one with Lia’s smiling face among familiar faces. A couple featured a younger Lia in graduation gowns, while the remaining depicted fun times with Hayden and the others. Alana recognized a few of those places, one being Berlin and the other being Paris. But what caught her eye was a lone photo taken on the familiar beach in Indonesia, where her relative’s beach house stood. There Lia was, sitting on the beach and looking to the sunset wistfully. Something tugged at Alana’s heart as she stared at the picture, something that that crept up her throat and caused a lump to form. She didn’t want to think too much into it, but it was too late. All the previous photos showcased happy times with friends, but this one picture made it obvious that Lia was longing for something..or someone. Like the night on the rooftop in L.A., Alana was hit with another realization that took her breath away.

Her eyes seemed to prickle, then a familiar sting chased the sensation. Tears started forming in her eyes and blurred her vision. She sniffled quietly and wiped her eyes, hoping to rid herself of these tears and heading back to sleep. But despite her best efforts to retain her strong facade, more tears ran down her cheeks. This realization hit her like a truck and it was almost too much. But was this too much for her? She was Alana Kusuma for crying out loud. She was a certified badass. An amazing Interpol agent and all around amazing fighter. She’s stared death in the face and came out the other side. She helped saved the POTUS’ life. But here she was, silently crying her heart out.

 What Alana failed to realize was that her lover had woken up from the first sniffle. Lia gently touched the brunette’s bicep and sat up, speaking with such love and care that it almost instantly wrapped Alana in a verbal embrace, “Hey...what’s wrong?”

Alana inhaled quietly and her trembling shoulders came to a halt when she felt her lover’s soft touch. She looked over to Lia with wet eyes and cheeks, biting her lip before gazing into warm chocolate eyes. The moonlight seemed to almost reflect off the tiny golden flecks in Lia’s eyes. The bartender’s hair was tousled and there were tired bags under her eyes, but Alana thought she never looked more beautiful. She couldn’t help but feel waves of happiness wash through her as she cracked a lopsided smile. Her voice cracked slightly but she was never more sure of anything as her next words, “Nothing’s wrong Lia..I promise. I just realized..” Alana trailed off in thought, breathing in deep before speaking with unwavering conviction, “I’m home.”

Lia’s eyes widened slightly before she broke out into a huge grin. She took Alana’s face in her hands and gently pressed her forehead against the brunette’s, pressing a gentle but meaningful kiss to Alana’s tear-stricken lips before murmuring the three words Alana had wanted to hear for so long..

“Welcome home, Alana...”

[themousai]

Q+A: NEWMEDS

You guys have all been involved in several other well established bands, how did you all meet? And what made you guys decide to start creating together?

Myself (Nick) and Brodie (Joe, drums) had been good mates for a long time. We worked a few nights together at Brodie’s bar and started to discover each others music taste. That's where the idea grew for NEWMEDS, we sorted a practise room and started looking for the right guitarist. Mark had just become available after parting with a previous band. We both kind of had the same idea to get him anyways. Brodie had previously been at music college with him and i had just started talking to get to know him. We practised together as a 3 piece for a while and realised we wanted a bass player to get involved. We had a lot of interest from good musicians that heard the first song we put out which was called "Rosyln". We knew the person had to fit the bill though, enthusiastic, good stage presence, could help with backing vocals, and likes a good night out. We knew Sam from the music scene, he is notorious for been in several bands at a time, but he had just left one. He had showed love for the song, and said he would love to get involved. We asked him a few days later, he snapped our hands off. It's 4 lads from 4 different, but not too different backgrounds, its no limits, no restrictions on sound, i think that would interest any musician starting a band.

Your hometown, Hull, has just been crowned UK City Of Culture – tell us what the music scene is like there? What’s one thing you think is done really well, and what’s one thing you’d love to see improve? Well i think the City Of culture stuff is slowing down now, the torch gets passed on, i think Coventry have it now. It did a lot for the city though, a lot of people were negative about it, saying they would have done this and they would have done that. But mainly i think its put eyes on us from places we wouldn't have been heard. It's been really positive for everything not just music. The music scene has ALWAYS thrived in Hull, there's always been quality bands, and it's still the case. We know a lot of the musicians from Hull, many have been in bands for years, some younger kids starting up for the first time. To make music is always a positive thing, if your music connects with one person then you've made a difference right? There are a few independent venues that have been there for years and now we are attracting bigger promotion names. It's good and bad, things change when big companies come in, sometimes not for the better. The work and progress places have made by themselves to get to that position is quickly over looked, and the bands that used to play don't get a look in sometimes. I hope that's not the way it goes here, but time will tell i guess. It would be nice to see more local bands be given a shot at playing those bigger support slots. In the Leeds and Newcastle O2 academies they will only give support slots to local bands, that's cool, we should learn from that.

Are there any stand out bands in the scene that you wish everyone would listen to right now? Im gonna answer this from a perspective of hard work and the pay off from it, because so far we haven't played with a whole load of bands in NEWMEDS.  LIFE from Hull, are a very hard working band and its finally paying off. Stew Baxter (Drummer) worked for years for the Warren Project in Hull, improving the scene and bringing opportunities for bands and musicians in Hull. He also helped us massively and made us believe in ourselves, whenever im feeling at a dead end with trying to push the band further i know i can just ask him his opinion and get an honest answer. From a point of bands that we've seen or played with so far The King Is Dead are super tight live, as are Strange Bones, as are our friends from Three Day Millionaires.

Your sound is really something special - blending together black metal, punk and emo, with a little psychedelic edge – where do you guys draw inspiration for what you create? I guess it just comes from such a huge range of different influences. Also the bands we have been in previously definitely help us in terms of what to do, and not what to do. Our songs always have a driving drum beat, nothing complicated, but always solid and memorable. The things Mark can do with a guitar astound us every time. He has completely nailed the sounds he wants, he has built his own sound, and amazes us every time. Mark comes from the more Black Metal side of music, but has also played in Blues bands and many many other genre bands. I personally grew up on Hip Hop, Metal and Hardcore Punk and Emo. Brodie was always into Skater Punk and Rock, playing in bands of a similar style. Sam has played in bands from Mathcore to Dad Rock but has similar influences to myself in parts. I think we are such an open book for new ideas that it just works. We are constantly in the group chat showing each other new music and ideas for songs, everyone is hugely creative and talented. The music creates itself, if it sounds good it stays, if it sounds out of place we will usually say "Good, now let's work and adapt it a little".

Run us through the creation of one of your songs – do you find each has a similar recipe? Or does the process change every time? A lot of our songs have come from a simple drum beat. Mark and Sam smash ideas out over the top of it, and then we work on structure. We will chop and change bits down move them around leave them for a week, make a rough recording then "skim the fat" off. Once finished with the music, we will make another recording so i can sit and write lyrics. I'll spend countless hours getting the lyrics right, sometimes i've written 10 sets per song. I would never do it another way, the lyrics are so vital. If people can't relate to the lyrics i doubt they will feel the song. We don't write all the songs the same way, sometimes idea's have come from one of us having a beat, or a riff in our heads and then you have to go through the humiliating process of "mouthing" it to the band because we don't always have the capability to pick the guitar up and show Mark what we mean, or jump behind the drums and smash a beat in our head out.

Lastly, convince our readers to come out a show in 3 words. We giveaway vodka

Answered by Nick Cobley

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is...  Miami - Taking Back Sunday Three things I can’t live without are… Hob Nobs, Pacifico and music Phones out, or phones away if you’re watching a gig... Phones away! Three adjectives that describe my life are… Hungover, Drunk, Hungover If I held a world record it would be for... Bones broken in my body! My first memory of loving music is… listening to Black Sabbaths self titled in the car with my dad. The song of mine that I am the most proud of is... "What's Your Problem" My favourite venue i’ve ever played is… 100 Club in London The ideal environment for me to create music in is... A sweaty room with the lads. b>If I could have any two bands open for me they would be...  Every Time I Die and Highly Suspect

Answered by Sam Rudderforth

Keep up to date with NEWMEDS Facebook | Spotify | Instagram

Interview by Mandie Hailwood

[earwaxinggibbous]

Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2018

As I geared up to make the list of hits for 2018, I was prepared for difficulty, and I wasn’t wrong. Hence why there are a few little cheats here and there. Really anything that even had the potential to be a hit got on this list because the Hot 100 was fucking barren and I figure I’d rather give some exposure to some good artists that didn’t get what they deserved.

I do discuss alcohol/drug use briefly in my number 9 + 6 and abuse in my number 4. Let’s get this shit on the road.

10. Mine - Bazzi

This song is dumb. And I love it.

Mine by Bazzi, who no doubt will not show up on the charts next year, is a song that all of you know even if you think you don’t, because it’s the one with the memes.

You so! Fuckin! Precious! When you! Smiiiiile!

Yeah, it’s that one.

There’s not much to say about this one. It’s a quick and easy listen at only a little over 2 minutes. Bazzi has a nice enough voice, and the production manages to stand on its own. Honestly the reason it’s here is because the lyrics are adorable.

It feels very teenage, but not in the obnoxious way that Lucid Dreams is. It’s just very innocent despite the second line being about hitting it from the back. It’s a kind of innocence I can enjoy mostly unironically.

Like, whatever man. Just enjoy life.

9. Betrayed - Lil Xan

So I wasn’t actually sure when this song charted. I believe it was either late 2017 or early 2018, possibly with some crossover, but I’m counting it because I love this song so much.

Betrayed actually shares a lot of similarities with Juice WRLD’s Lucid Dreams. They were both towards the bottom on each respective list, they both have videos made by Cole Bennet, and they both have a sneaky anti-drug message.

Ironic considering his name is Lil Xan. Also I lied it’s not very sneaky at all. Which is good, if you’re gonna be anti-drug then just fucking do it. The beat is chill, the bars are chill, it’s all super chill. That’s probably in part due to the fact that Lil Xan has a super calming voice. This is weed music. Like Car Seat Headrest. And good weed music can be enjoyed when you’re sober, which Betrayed can be because it just sounds nice.

A good chunk of Betrayed is about the pitfalls of the rap game, and how suddenly everyone turns on you and wants your money, which is kind of neurotic but not entirely inaccurate.

This was actually the plot of a Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake song called Holy Grail from a few years back. And I hate to say it but this song does it way better, because it’s not trying to make fame out to be some horrible demon priestess who’s sucking your soul out of your ass, but rather, more of a lifestyle with very different complications.

Which is what it is.

So Jay-Z got outdone by a 12-year-old with face tats named Lil Xan, and if I heard about that my ego would be deeply, deeply bruised.

The only reason it isn’t higher is because, uh.

Oof, Lil Xan. Come on now.

8. King’s Dead - Jay Rock ft. Kendrick Lamar, Future and James Blake

So a lot of people actually didn’t like this song. Which... I kind of get.

Also apparently this was on the Black Panther soundtrack. I never saw that movie, but a lot of the lyrics on this, at least according to lyric genius, relate to that movie. Which I guess is why I have no clue what it’s about other than the average rap music cliches. The only thing I knew about King’s Dead for god knows how long was this gif of Kendrick eating corn in a palm tree.

I feel like the best argument against this song (other than Future’s high-pitched sampling of Slob On My Knob that made me lose my shit) is that there’s nothing really special about it. I mean yeah, Kendrick has a voice that’s smooth like butter, but King’s Dead has a generic beat and bars that just don’t stand out.

But I don’t know. I just love it.

This is just a nice fun song to chill out to. I can put it on, throw myself into bed, and let the cares of the day shloff off of my body as Kendrick whispers to me in the language of the ancient ones. This is nowhere near his best work, not even remotely close to it. All it is is nice and small and easy to listen to without being completely boring.

Maybe I also just like it because it’s been forever since a rap song really sounded like one. This is partially the fault of Future, who is on this song, and doing the same shit he usually does, but at least the rest of the song sounds like words. It feels like it’s been a whole decade since rap music wasn’t just an autotuned jumble, and while I’m easier on mumble-rap than most, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss good old fashioned regular rap.

Regardless of whether it’s blind nostalgia or some level of actual quality, I enjoy King’s Dead for what it is. It may just be a rock and not a diamond, but it’s my rock and I love it.

7. In My Blood - Shawn Mendes

So like, what the fuck happened with Shawn Mendes? He just kind of got really good all of a sudden. Like when every genre, every artist, every newcomer and every single is shitting the bed, it’s Shawn Mendes of all people to bring it home. That’s like if Charlie Puth turned out to be the savior of music. It’s like if Chingy developed into a rap legend. And this song, In My Blood, is about something we all wanna do! Giving up.

Okay, so that’s not exactly what it’s about. It’s about the feeling of wanting to give up, but refusing to, in a very chronological way. With the verses representing the low points and the chorus representing the swell of energy that forces one to get back on their feet. It’s an incredibly well put-together song where Shawn’s voice is actually put to good use instead of him gargling pus like he did on Treat You Better. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t emote wonderfully on this.

I haven’t heard any of the other singles he’s released around this song, but I’m definitely interested in doing so because In My Blood is an experience, kind of in the same way that like, a really good Panic! at the Disco song is. It just punches you repeatedly. You ever been punched by a song? It feels great. I wish more songs would punch me.

In a lot of ways In My Blood is also nostalgic for me, since it brings me back to an era where I actually got excited about pop music because it was important to me some-fucking-how. And I don’t mean like, I was interested in pop like I am right now. When I was littler my parents basically raised me on old alternative music and jazz, and while I definitely enjoyed it I had literally no idea what other kids at school listened to. The first pop song I remember hearing was Pokerface by Lady GaGa, I was on the school bus, and it sounded like nothing I’d ever heard before. Over time my sister began playing the radio so that her friends at her new school would stop goofing on her for not knowing any pop artists, and hearing all this new music was kind of an experience. Of course after awhile we both moved into individualized tastes and neither of us really listen to the radio unless it’s during the holidays, but hearing In My Blood somehow reminds me of a time when being a hit actually meant something.

It’s a song where you put it on and it just owns the room despite its minimalism, and with tons of easy listening alt-crap hitting the stations nowadays, it’s nice, albeit surreal, to know that Shawn Mendes is the one who gives a shit.

6. Genius - LSD

In case you didn’t know, LSD is the combined efforts of rapper Labrinth, singer Sia and producer Diplo. I hadn’t actually heard of this group until pretty recently, and I wish I had because if you know me, you know about my wretched obsession with Sia. Maybe I’m too forgiving, but I can’t remember a single bad track she’s put out. And Genius is no exception.

Lyrically this song’s a bit lacking, despite the title. But soundwise it sticks like gum, with a layered production. I always say that they should have Sia work with one of these sing-rappers, so having it finally happen is proof that god might be listening to me.

It’s like bubblegum for your brain, it’s sweet, it tastes good, it’s fun and it sticks. Even after only one listen I couldn’t get the tune out of my head. And god knows I just want the charts to be fun for once. No, I don’t think this song charted, which is an absolute shame. LSD should absolutely have the star power to hit the top 100, but I guess this just wasn’t a good year for them.

Regardless, I have heard that LSD plans to do a full project, and after listening to the rest of their short album I am more than excited. The only reason this isn’t higher up is that, judging by the group name I was expecting it to be way more of an acid trip soundwise. It’s definitely hard to compare LSD’s Genius to any other type of pop in recent years, but I feel like that’s moreso because Diplo and company have taken all sorts of elements from all sorts of pop music and sneakily fused them together.

Regardless, Genius is a highly enjoyable listen. Sia’s at top performance as per usual, Labrinth sounds really nice beside her and Diplo’s production is solid. Also I seriously recommend the music video. It’s super weird. I wish animated music videos were more common with pop, to be honest.

5. Better Now - Post Malone

I almost feel like I’ve sinned putting a Post Malone song above a Kendrick Lamar song, but god do I love Better Now.

The Post Malone conversation is still very much underway, with a lot of people saying they hated Psycho because it was boring (which I can get even though I don’t agree) and that they hated Jackie Chan because it was just really really stupid. But, much like Candy Paint, I have yet to hear anyone say they dislike Better Now. And I do honestly believe that he hit it out of the park on this one.

This one’s sort of the reverse of Genius. It has pretty basic trap production, but really nice lyrics. Possibly building on the story from I Fall Apart, though with a slightly more mature outlook, Post talks about an ex-girlfriend who he misses, trying to drown his feelings in alcohol, drugs and expensive stuff in the wake of the relationship.

A total bummer, but Post sells it pretty well.

Like damn. That’s a detail right there.

I mean, I could argue that nobody has a specific drawer for socks they don’t like, but who cares really.

Anyway, unlike I Fall Apart, which was a turn-off for a lot of people because it felt spiteful and juvenile, Better Now doesn’t really place the blame on Post or his ex, which is a much more realistic scenario. Because really, his ex isn’t at fault for no longer being in love with him, but Post isn’t at fault for pining. He’s only human. Judging by the lyrics, the story is that Post was dumped for being a druggie in this song.

Though Lyric Genius also argues this is a reference to the death of Lil Peep, who was close personal friends with Post Malone in real life. If this song is somehow in a weird roundabout way an ode to Lil Peep, honestly it does feel like it’s a good send-up to him from another rapper. Like yeah, a love song might seem weird as a tribute to a dead friend, but it definitely does feel like a mournful, sad song about longing for a close person who’s gone for the long run.

Whether this is a tribute to Lil Peep or just a breakup song, it definitely carries the weight of the emotions, partly since Post just generally sounds sad all the time. And in a year full of pissy break-up songs, this is the one that hits home more than any other for me. If Post is going off of past experience, it shows, and if he isn’t he’s just a really good actor I guess.

4. Freaky Friday - Lil Dicky ft. Chris Brown

This song is the bane of my fucking existence.

Why do I laugh at this? Why do I laugh at jokes about Lil Dicky having a small penis still? Why am I losing my shit at the idea that a white guy in a black guy’s body would immediately wonder if he can say the n-word? Why am I, a grown man with presumably mature tastes, going ‘hee hee hoo hoo’ over the phrase “I’m DJ Khaled! Why am I yelling?” And why the fuck, in the year 2018, am I actively enjoying a Chris Brown song?

Lil Dicky I have a soft spot for. We’re both Jews, we’re both stupid, we both look dead inside in every photograph taken of us. We’re basically like long lost twin brothers. Plus I do think he’s a skilled rapper, with his greatest track easily being Professional Rapper featuring Snoop Dogg, and if it had been my choice, that song would’ve been his first big hit. But no, it had to be Freaky Friday. A song that, for all accounts and purposes, is about as funny as an early Your Favorite Martian song, and yet still makes me roll into a screaming fit laughing my ass off.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I’m over the Chris Brown drama just because there’s plenty of worse artists charting right now. Forgetting it would be an offense to everyone involved. Do I think he’s probably matured since? Maybe. But that doesn’t excuse or explain away what he did. But for me to pretend I don’t enjoy this song would be disingenuous, and it breaks my heart to actually enjoy a Chris Brown song. In 20-fucking-18.

Everyone hates this song. And they’re valid, honestly. I just like the chorus, maybe? I don’t know. It’s hardly Lil Dicky’s best work, but fuck me. Of course I had to be the one suffering with the curse of enjoying Lil Dicky’s Freaky Friday to the point that I put it above a ton of songs that are probably objectively better, all because I laugh at dick jokes and love a catchy chorus.

But I will give it credit, this is the first popular comedy song in a long time I’ve been able to get down to. Selfie and What Does The Fox Say made me wanna scoop my eyes out with a melon baller, but of course the fucking Chris Brown comedy song makes me shriek in body-wracking laughter as if I’ve never heard a joke before.

It’s been at LEAST a year since I felt this shitty for enjoying a song, but that’s life I guess. Just enjoying bad music by bad people for bad reasons.

3. High Hopes - Panic! at the Disco

How is it that we’re having a Panic! at the Disco hit in 2018? Whatever, I’m not mad.

I mean, come on. A swelling Brendon Urie anthem about finally being able to achieve your dreams and shit? That’s really all I need on a bad day, isn’t it. Thanks 2018.

I don’t even remember if this song has good production or not. It’s really loud. Everything is loud. Do you think I care if it sounds good? I mean, Brendon sounds good, but like. Biz Markie’s Just A Friend fills me with emotion and it sounds like it’s being sung by a donkey. My standards are not high. Maybe I’d need higher standards to not like this song.

Frankly, I don’t care if the production is bad. Because this song is just good mood music, and I like that it’s loud. I want Brendon to scream in my ear about having high hopes. Do you think I care how it sounds?

No but really. It’s a perfectly well-built song, Brendon performs well on it. Bless this shit though. If there’s anything that represents hope in my mind, it’s Brendon Urie skittering up the side of a building while singing about having high hopes and his mama and whatever whatever. In a year full of dour break-up songs and people dying and abusers getting famous, all you can really have is high hopes. And that’s all there is to it.

2. Neva Lavd Yah! - Dusty Ray Bottoms

Can we all agree RuPaul’s Drag Race is kind of a hack show at this point? I mean, Season 10 was a disaster and so far AS4 has been a disaster too. I’m not even sure why I still watch it at this point.

Anyway, this is kind of a cheat. Neva Lavd Yah! charted on Billboard LGBT, and actually charted pretty high. Not the actual Hot 100, but do you think I care anymore?

So we’re all mad that rock music is dead, and that the only remnants we have of it is Imagine Dragons and other similar garbage. But don’t fret (unless it’s on a guitar) because Dusty Ray Bottoms, queen of my heart, is here to solve that problem. Full electric guitar and drums. No autotune. Just pure Dusty Ray on the track here to kick ass.

I guess Neva Lavd Yah! is a generic “fuck the haters” anthem, but for once I actually believe it. Maybe it’s because it’s being sung by a 50-foot-tall gay man with dots all over his face. Maybe it’s just because, with every drag queen doing techno music, Dusty Ray has done something completely different. God knows I was sick of every drag queen doing overproduced electronica about nothing at all.

Neva Lavd Yah! isn’t polished or clean. It’s screaming and loud and full of passion. Sometimes you’re just a 50-foot gay who wants to yell, sometimes you’re a 5-foot gay who wants to yell. Maybe you don’t feel like yelling right now, but you’ve probably been in that mood before. Neva Lavd Yah! is for when you wanna chill in a garage with an electric guitar and write songs and then scream with your shitty garage band and it’s the 90′s and you’re gay.

Damn right.

And before we move forward,

let’s hit those honorable mentions.

I Like It - Cardi B ft. Bad Bunny and J Balvin

This song really did almost get on the list, and I mean it was like a baby dick’s length away. I almost feel bad that I let Mine on instead. Cardi I am so sorry.

Nice For What - Drake

This was the only good song Drake released this year, and while Drake talking about “strong women” on the same album as I’m Upset seems like bullshit, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t at least kind of a banger.

Now or Never - Blair St. Clair

This was the only other big drag queen hit I remember this year. It was released in the wake of Blair St. Clair coming out about a sexual assault, and while I do think it’s an empowering song, I don’t like the way it sounds that much.

Pray For Me - The Weeknd ft. Kendrick Lamar

How I liked King’s Dead more than this I can’t even explain to you. The beat on Pray For Me rocks my tight ass though. Plus let’s be honest, The Weeknd and Kendrick are a fucking dream team.

I Love It - Kanye West ft. Lil Pump

I can’t hate this. Fucking look at it. They’re in roblox costumes!

Famous Prophets (Stars) - Car Seat Headrest

Not a hit, which is the only thing that kept it off of here. Consider Song of the Summer by Remo Drive, Humanity by Gorillaz and When You Die by MGMT also in this spot.

On to number one, and if you know me you probably know it already.

1. Kamikaze - Eminem

Listen. I don’t care if this didn’t chart. I don’t care if it didn’t get close. I don’t give two fifths of a fuck if Eminem isn’t as good as he used to be. I don’t give a single rat’s ass.

Because I fucking love Kamikaze.

(The song.)

The album was fine, I wasn’t huge on the whole “call out everyone” angle it took. Sure sometimes it landed, but other times, like with the Tyler the Creator diss, it was completely pointless and kind of petty.

But the title song? It bangs.

The lyrics are good, obviously, it’s an Eminem song and he hasn’t been struggling with lyrics since... Revival I guess. The production on Kamikaze is interesting, the chorus is catchy. I just love it. It puts me in a good mood for reasons I cannot explain using words of the English language.

Maybe I just love Eminem too much. But in a year of stolid depression like 2018, all I wanted was for my favorite rapper Eminem to say “fuck” and yell a lot and just be kind of motivational in his weird way. And he did it. And I understand if people don’t enjoy Kamikaze (the song or the album) but I just can’t not love it, it makes me so excited every time I hear that intro. I feel like a child almost.

I saw Eminem live for the first time this year at Governor’s Ball. It was an experience. My feet were killing me because to get good spots, my sister and I had to sit through Chvrches. (Didn’t like them very much.) It was loud and crowded. It started raining, I was cold as shit and tired and this enormous drunk guy in a wifebeater nearly elbowed my head clean off of my shoulders just due to a lack of spacial awareness. And I didn’t even give a shit until it was over.

The music ended, and I realized I was freezing my ass off. And that’s what good music does to a guy I guess. And being able to download a new, really good Eminem song was like capturing that moment in a bottle. A bottle of white boy spite, but a good bottle nonetheless.

Of course I’m biased. God knows if this song is actually better than something like In My Blood or Genius, but I love this song too much to put it any lower than number one.

Whenever I need motivation or I’m just really pissed, this song is here for me to listen to, so I can lose my shit by the side of a man who I’ve literally begun referring to as my dad at this point. And that’s just what I want. A song that I can feel next to. A song that can feel with me. And as good as some of these other songs are, I don’t feel with them like I do with Kamikaze.

See you next year, I guess.

[angelixii]

1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix

Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕

3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)

 3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals

 2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses

 2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy

 My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)

 How tall am I - 5′2

 What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)

 Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green

 Do I have a crush - no not really

 Favourite place - my home

 What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that

 Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens

 Eye color - brown

 Hair color - light-ish brown

 Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:

 Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)

 Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out

 How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok

 Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her

 My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while

  My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well

 Favorite season - probably Spring c:

 Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any

 Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^

The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)

 Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/

 Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never

 How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max

 Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today

 Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:

 Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)

 Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup

 Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no

 Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/

 How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often

 If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question

 What do I think about most? - probably k-pop

 Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind

 What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”

 Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting

 Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there

 Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah

 Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah

 What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on

 What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials

 Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy

 Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:

 Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah

 Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes

 What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat

 What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/

 What is my favorite word? - yeet

 My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)

@honeylixs

@zoxsu

@tinyfigureskater

@stray-kids-dork

@straykidsmate

 If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:

 Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of

What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts

Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?

no to ALL those questions C:

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever

Been overweight? - …

Been underweight? - no.

Gotten my heart broken? - nah

Been to prom? - nope

Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really

Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:

Wore make up?- nope

Dyed my hair? - nope

Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed

Met someone famous? - nope

Stalked someone on a social network? - nope

Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun

Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts

What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed

Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates

Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)

What I’m really bad at - running :/

What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;

What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk

What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes

My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)

Any question you’d like? - hmm idk

Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy

What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)

Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)

Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally

Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever

Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle

Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:

Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach

What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)

Do you ever want to get married? - yeah

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)

Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah

What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes

Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no

Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)

Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one

Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup

Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no

Ever been in love? - c:

Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so

What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors

Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough

First person you talked to today? - my mom

Last person you talked to today? - Georgia

Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many

Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many

Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no

Have any pets? - too many

Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD

Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:

Is cheating ever okay? - hell no

Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure

What your zodiac sign? - Pisces

Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)

oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired

but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now

[abdicatedarchive]

The first of many || Montag and Lexi

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: lexi’s house // spring of 2018

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: montag and lexi.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: drugs and implied sex

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: montag is taken on a whirlwind adventure

Montag was nervous to say the least when he knocked on Lexi's front door to go to his first party. He usually just sulked in his room on a Friday night, or watched movies with his sister. But Lexi had invited him, and he did not want to disappoint her by any means. She might be one of the only people at school that even talked to him, and he was shocked that she even did. Not only was she hot, but she was so kind to him and he didn't know why. Monty was apprehensive that this whole night was a prank, but in the sliver of hope that told him he actually had a friend, he braved it and had come out. He waited for her to answer the door, his heart racing.

Alexis was finishing up her make up when she heard the knock at her door. It was her usual Friday night she planned on partying from tonight until Sunday. Tonight she would be spending her time with Montague but she felt that was too long of a name so she called him Mont. He was cute, probably a need he seemed sad and she hated that. Opening the door she gave him a welcoming smile and extending her hand. "Hello handsome, im glad your here." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "If you take my hand, your mine for the night. I won't let anyone bother you or hurt you and we will have a night that will be remembered when you're like ancient."

She was an angel, he was sure of it. He felt so nervous just looking at her. He took her hand, "Okay, I trust you" said Montag as he entered the house. It was nice just like his, typical white lake kid stuff. "You look really beautiful" he said apprehensively and swallowed under his breath afterwards. The knot in his stomach growing.

"Good she said simply, not letting go of his hand as she lead him to her sitting area in the house. " Really?" She looked at herself in the mirror. " but do I look hot, like bankable, get free pills hot or like regular hot?" She fixed her hair.

Montag honestly didn't know how to respond, but he loved how her hand felt in his. "I don't really know what it takes to be like ... free pills attractive. But I think any guy would be crazy not to give you exactly what you want" he replied. He had taken an airplane shooter from his mother's stash before coming into the house, and could already feel the effects in the way that he was just talking. Talking to her. It felt insane.

Alexis turned to him and gently touched his cheek. "Thats the perfect answer." She walked over to the bar where she had a cup of gin poured and the pill she was ready to take. Taking a sip she popped the pill and swallowed it. "Do you want one? It'll put you on another plane." She always lit up when she talked about the drug.

Monty's eyes widened when she touched his cheek and smiled after she got up. He knew he couldn't say no to Lexi, "How long will it last?" he asked nervously, he was going to say yes. He just wanted to know what he was getting into.

Alexis shrugged picking up a pill and sitting next to him. "Depends, 4 to 8 hours.  I wonder heard someone was high for like 16 hours on one pill but I highly doubt that.' She sat next to him. "Now say ahh."

Montag opened up his mouth and said "Ahhhh" before he took her glass from her and swallowed the pill. "This isn't one of those things where you give me a fake pill and make me think I'm on drugs all evening, right?" he said with a small chuckle as the gin burned his throat a little and he coughed.

Lexi put the pill on his tongue and watched him swallow it. "A sugar pill?" She smiled. "No but I'm taking one and totally going to do that later to someone else." She fixed his hair as he coughed. " my dad says gin makes you a man, I drink it to prove him wrong. Not that he notices or cares."

"I would love to see it" said Montag laughing a little as she fixed his hair. He never knew what to do with the mop on his head, his sister had tried something but whatever Lexi wanted was all the more better by him. "I like that it tastes ... like a tree almost?" said the boy, gin was definitely an interesting smell. "My dad also doesn't notice or care" he replied nodding his head, it wasn't exactly a great note to start the night off with, but here they were.

"Good , you can help me. You look way more trusting than me." She took back her cup and took another sip. "My dad would  adore you." She said sincerely. " Parents suck but of ours didn't think about how different we would be. We wouldn't be here in this moment." She put her head on his shoulder as her finger circled the top of the cup. " But this is where I want to be right now so, fuck them but thank them."

"I mean our parents are cut from the same cloth, why else would we always be at the same fundraiser events" said Montag, thinking of all the times he had seen Lexi from across the room and never said anything to her. He just assumed she never saw him. "Is this where you want to be? Or do you want to go to that party?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood. He also didn't know when the drug would kick in, and he was nervous about being out in public on it, he would rather be at a party instead of on the street.

Alexis never paid attention to the fundraisers her parenrs forced her too but she knew Mont and his sister. Everyone did even though at school everyone acted like they didnt. " Where going to the party im just waiting for uber, its not that far." She sat up and made sure she had her I.d and phone. "I planned it so would we would be lit as soon as we got there."

There was something about being the mayor's perfect dorky robots that made kids not want to talk to Juliette or Montag, but at least Lexi had finally broken the silence. Montag was already grateful for that, even if it did still feel like a prank. "You are the party guru" said the boy, laughing to himself at how deeply awkward he was. He wondered when the pill was going to kick in. "I'm ready whenever" he replied, and he was ready to have a good night.

"I wish." She laughed as she fixed her own hair and got up." I use to be this cute cheerleader and that legit was the only thing I had going for me." It wasn't legit a bad thing, she was still popular but this lexi was better. "Good." She got up and fixed herself in the mirror. The alert that her car was ready went off." Lets go and remember mine for the night." She stepped across the marble floor and to the car.

The boy followed her lead as she reminded him that he was hers for the night, as if he needed any reminding. "All yours" he replied as they headed out the door an into the car. Upon arrival and into the party, the drugs started to hit. Montag took Lexi's hand as they entered into the house and the dance floor was so loud. Outside the house you couldn't even tell. Monty was smiling, uncontrollably even as he felt the drugs take over.

It took them about fifteen minutes to get to the party. Taking  Monts hand, sje waved at everyone she knew and the people shouting her name. She could feel the pill taking affect his hand felt soft in hers. " Here." She passed him a bottle of water. " You have to stay hydrated so always keep a bottle in your hand." She grabbed another for herself along with a shot glass. " Lets do shots."

He was on more drug than just the molly, he was also under her persuasion. He took the water bottle and the shot, "Okay" he said as he threw back the shot, wincing as he did. He took a chug of water before he could look at her, "That was fun" Montag replied excitedly, "Can we dance?" he asked, just wanting to move and do something. Anything really.

Lexi drank some of her water and then threw back her shot. "Yeah come on." She took his hand and led him to where everyone was dancing. Her hips saying to the music as she moved closer to his body.  Wrapping her arms around his neck her hand in his hair.

Montag felt the rush of hurrying over to the dance floor. Everything with Lexi was a rush. He felt her body get closer to hers, he had never had a girl dance with him let alone on him. The boy hadn't even had his first kiss, and he was already in high school. He moved his hands onto her waist instinctively, just wanting to feel the fabric. Her hands in his hair and on his neck felt so good. Everything felt so good as he moved his body to the music, not caring who was around them.

Her eyes were closed and she was just enjoying the way he felt on her, her fingers through his hair felt like she was touching silk.  "How are you feeling?" She  whispered still loving to the music. People who knew her were looking at them, people whispering. That's what she wanted to get people talking about him, get him out of his shell.

Montag smiled, "I feel amazing" he said with a giddy smile as he took her by the hand and gave her a spin on the dance floor and pulled her back in. His dance classes that his parents made him take were paying off in the worst way: he only knew how to formally dance. "You look like an angel" the boy whispered in her ear. She felt like an angel too, sent to get him out of his shell. "Let's go do more shots" he said excitedly, pulling her off the dance floor and other cheerleaders followed suit at the word shots. Montag grabbed a shot for Lexi and himself and they stood around with people who didn't know that he existed until tonight and did shots. "I am invincible!" he claimed dramatically with a laugh.

Alexis squealed when he spun her, she could tell he was lit and she lived that for him. "Yes but more water first." She insisted. Walking over to  the drinks while telling some of her cheerleader friends who he was. "Cheers to that!" Lexi laughed taking a shot. Boys from the Football poured him more shots as they patted him on the back. They probably thought they were messing around, but shr didn't mind he looked like he was having fun. "Body shot anyone?"

Montag knew that the football guys didn't mean it when they patted him on the back, but it felt good anyways. The alcohol was messing with his head. He leaned down to Lexi's ear and whispered, "What's a body shot?" the boy asked. It sounded like fun, but he didn't want to look totally stupid. Montag took a long sip of water, he was so thirsty.

Lexi stopped her conversation and looked up at him with a smile. "I'm going to pull up my shirt. The shot glass will be between my breast, salt either on my stomach, neck wherever and a lime in my mouth." She picked up the ingredients. " shot, lick, kiss." She said as it was simple.

Monty swallowed hard when she said kiss. "Uh yeah, that sounds good to me. I'm down" he agreed to the situation. His heart was racing, the words that felt like they were seared into his brain were specifically: breast, stomach, neck, mouth, kiss. He felt like they were going to be there forever, and he could not wait to do a body shot off of her. He followed her lead to the kitchen.

"Move all this shit off the table, we're doing body shots." She ordered and watched everyone scurry off and clean off the table. Pouring a shot she thought about it and laid down asking a fried to.pour in her belly button. They poured a little salt on top of her breast and put the lime in her mouth. " Alright stud, you got this." A jock said proudly.

Montag could not care less that the jock might be making fun of him, he was about to lick a real human girl and she was also so goddamn attractive. This might just be the best night of his life. Montag sucked the shot out of her stomach and licked the salt off her before taking the lime out of her mouth with his. It wasn't exactly a kiss, but it was something. The room cheered for him, and he felt like he was on top of the world. "Do you need a wet paper towel or anything?" he asked Lexi, worried she might feel sticky.

She gives when he frank the shot but feeling his warm tongue on her cool skin caused her to moan quietly and goosebumps to rise. "Yeah, but only cause you have to do it again soon." She sat up and jumped down as the jocks wanted a high five. " They love you." She tilted her head towards them.

Montag high fived a bunch of the jocks as they celebrated him, yelling Hastings for Mayor. He laughed as he grabbed a paper towel and wet it in the sink before handing it to Lexi. "They don't know me" he said with a small scoff and a smile, "They just love you so much its rubbing off on me". Montag took a long sip from his watter bottle, "Back to dancing?" he asked trying to keep his cool. He just wanted to feel her against him again, her hands in his hair and her body against his.

"Thank you babe." She wiped herself off. Grabbing her shirt she tied it around her waist and nodded. " Well I'm sure before the night ends they will adore you. " they might not of remembered this night but on Monday they would remember that they thought he was cool and they'll be nicer to him. "God yes." She pulled him back to the dance floor. The song was slower so she put her hands around to hid back and her head on his chest.

Montag put his hands around her torso which was now bare, it felt even better than before. The mix in drugs and alcohol was giving him such a euphoric feeling, he couldn't even describe it. He just felt so confident, he wanted to kiss her. Montag put his finger under her chin to lift her head up to look at him and he pulled her in for a kiss as he moved his hand from under her jaw to the back of her neck. Being kissed, and a kiss under the influence was sensory overload for him, but he loved it.

Lexi got goosebumps under his touch, the pill had her on cloud nine she was sure nothing was going to bring her down. She felt his finger under chin and looked at him. His lips were on hers and everything in her body was tingling. She put her finger in his hair to kiss him deeper. A quick bite of his bottom lip playfully as she looked up at him now with a glint of lust

Montag felt every inch of his body that she was touching. She bit his bottom lip and looked at him with a look he had only seen in movies. "You are so beautiful" he said, simping out of his mind for this girl. He didn't care if this was a one night only affair, but he was enamored by her.

Alexis kept her hands in his hand, she knew alot of this was because he was high and she was okay with that.  "Thank you." She blushed as she stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "Are you a virgin?" She asked then going back to where she was originally.

Montag wanted to lie, but he knew that if he did it might not end up working out in his favor. "Yeah" he said nodding as her head went back onto his chest. His heart was pounding. "Why do you ask?" Monty questioned.

Lexis looked up without leaving his chest, his heartbeat was soothing to her. "Because." She paused making sure no one was in their conversations. " I wanted to sit on your face but now that I know you're a virgin. I would like to take your virginity."

Montag was flustered, "Um yes, I would like the check please and the food in boxes. Let's head out now" said Montag jokingly as they continued to dance. Just the thought of doing anything intimate with her got him so excited. He knew that part wasn't the drugs or the alcohol at all, she was so beautiful and kind and he wanted her so desperately.

Lexi couldn't help but giggle that's probably what she liked about him the most he always made her smile. "Come on." She said taking out her phone and ordering a uber." If you do this then you can't go back." She said in all seriousness. " Is this what you want?"

Montag was worried that it meant that she didn't want to do this, but she had suggested it in the first place and he just reminded himself of that. "No, I'm pretty sure" he said quickly, he didn't know how to tell her that was his first kiss a few moments ago. He would have settled for making out, but the fact that she wanted to have sex with him. That she wanted to touch him. That there would be skin on skin contact, and it would feel even better than what just happened, how could he turn that down. "You want to, right?" he double checked.

"Good." She leaned up and kissed him. Lexi wanted him to have a good time for his first time. She didn't bother to put her shirt back on she just grabbed his hand and started walking towards the door to the cab. "Of course babe, I would be more than honored if you fucked me." She whispered as she slid into the car.

Montag caught his breath, this was actually happening. He couldn't believe it. Arriving at her house at the start of the night, he had never even kissed someone. Let alone take a random pill or do a body shot. Everything was so deeply new, and he was okay with it. Like he had something to live for: the excitement. "Just know that I'm like ... completely inexperienced" he disclaimed, "That was my first kiss" he said as casually as he could as they got into the car. He couldn't be bothered with what the uber driver heard. It just was what it was.

Alexis was playing on her phone when she heard him. "Seriously?" She said a little bit surprised. She wasn't surprised when he said he was a virgin but being a hundred percent pure like that was kind of rare." Well I guess this your night for first." She said touching his hand. "You're in good hands."

Montag's heart was beating out of his chest, he had no idea what he had gotten himself into tonight. "A night of firsts" he said with a smile, when she touched his hand he reached out and intertwined their fingers together. "No hands I would rather be in" he replied sweetly.

Lexi blushed when he said that, he was makin her feel soft. The car pulled up to her driveway and she got out making her way to her room. "Take a shot while I get everything ready."  she grabbed some things out of her dresser, and lighting a few candles. "I'll be right back."

Montag did as she said and took a shot, "Okay, see you in a sex" said Montag, "I mean sec" he said even more flustered than he had just been. He was incredibly nervous, but the drugs felt so good. He thought he was ready, well he hoped he was ready. Part of him was certainly ready.

[mx-requests-forum]

[Fulfilled] Musical Notes

Prompt: Jookyun + Music Student AU + Secret Admirer Jooheon

Fulfilled by Moderator ReeLee~

Words: 1279 (so far~)

AO3 Link (For Easier Reading)

Jooheon watches with adoring eyes as his dongsaeng pours his heart passionately out onto the black and white keys. Changkyun is bent forward, not even bothering to look up at the sheet music before him as he’s surely already memorized it. As the piece reaches its final crescendo, Jooheon can’t help but hold his breath. As if the wondrous swell of notes isn’t enough, the focus on Changkyun’s face is enough to captivate any audience… Especially one as in love with the player as Jooheon is.

The piece comes to an end, and Changkyun hovers over the keys for a moment, as if giving the whole scene a dramatic pause. He finally then glances over at his friend, beaming adorably from ear to ear. It’s a complete turnaround from his energy just moments before when he’d been playing, but Jooheon is used to such behavior by now.

“That was great, Kyunnie,” he says genuinely, his eyes shining with adoration. “Really, you’re gonna win first place tomorrow!” Changkyun chuckles at his hyung, a hand coming up to press itself against the tense spot at the back of his neck.

“I hope so…” he mumbles, still sounding unsure of himself. Jooheon pouts at this, and gestures for the younger to turn around once more. Changkyun complies, and spins on the smooth piano bench with ease. Jooheon then stands and walks over from his own seat, and expertly begins applying just the right amount of pressure against the stress-spot. Changkyun sighs in relief, leaning into touch ever so slightly.

“Listen to your hyung,” Jooheon tells him, his voice a bit more strained than usual as Changkyun’s current expression of bliss is almost too much for the boy to handle. His heart pounds in his ears, and he’s pretty sure his knees are beginning to knock together.

God, he’s got it so bad…

Changkyun chuckles, and for a moment Jooheon thinks it’s because the younger has noticed his lovesick behavior. But, of course, his suspicions are proven wrong at Changkyun’s next words.

“Sorry, hyung,” he sighs out, “but you know how I get. Festivals are always so stressful for me, and I’m never sure on how well I may do until after the stage…” He purses his lips together then, and his brow creases together in dismay. “… My family really needs that prize money,” he mumbles under his breath. “I need to win… for them.”

Jooheon hums and nods, knowing full well the financial situation of Changkyun’s family right now. His father had just been laid off at the huge university in town he’d been teaching at for years, and his mother has been in between jobs for a couple months now. Changkyun works a part time job, but lord knows that isn’t nearly enough.

There’s already been talk of them moving away so his father could find work, but Jooheon’s been doing everything in his power to keep that nightmare from happening, which includes being Changkyun’s moral support even more so than usual at the festivals he performs at.

“And you will,” Jooheon affirms, leaning forward to chance at giving his dongsaeng a small hug of encouragement. Changkyun practically melts in his arms, his hands coming to clasp onto him as if his life depends on it, and it’s all Jooheon has in him to let go after a proper amount of time. Changkyun’s eyes flutter open, and he gives a heartwarming smile to the older.

“Thanks, hyung,” he says, his voice a bit softer than usual. Jooheon only nods, doing his best to smile casually despite how his heart sings at the way Changkyun’s eyes sparkle up at him. Changkyun glances over at the clock, and gasps sharply at the time. He quickly scrambles off the piano bench and towards his bag, calling over his shoulder that he’d call Jooheon later, and bolts from the room before Jooheon can even get another word in.

“By the way, Changkyunnie, I’m in love with you…” Jooheon mumbles to himself, his own words echoing around the otherwise silent room. He frowns after his oblivious dongsaeng, wondering just how he’s supposed to bring all this up now…

 “I’m telling you, just ask him out,” Minhyuk suggests flippantly, waving a dismissive hand at Jooheon. “That kid has got it so bad for you, he doesn’t even know what to do with himself.” Jooheon grumbles at this, pouting at Minhyuk’s television set. He’s currently sitting in his friend’s bedroom, supposedly studying for midterms… but, all they’ve been able to do since he got there was gossip about their friends.

“He’s too worried about… a lot of shit,” Jooheon tells the older, skipping across Changkyun’s personal matters again. It isn’t that Changkyun doesn’t trust Minhyuk or anything, but Jooheon had only found out about all the financial stuff by accident, so he highly doubts he’d want Jooheon to go blabbing to the others about it. “Way too worried to be falling for anyone, much less a nobody like me…” Jooheon can’t help but add the last part, though the defiant slap on his shoulder is completely predictable.

“You’re not a nobody, Lee Jooheon,” Minhyuk tells him sternly, wagging a reprimanding finger. “I told you, I don’t want you degrading yourself like that anymore. You’re a great guy, and any boy would be lucky to have you.”

“But I don’t want just any boy,” Jooheon argues, falling dramatically to the side, “I want Changkyunnie!” His pout only worsens at Minhyuk’s gaze falling on him, but the older only coos and pulls at his cheeks affectionately.

“Then woo him,” Minhyuk tells him simply, shrugging as if that isn’t the most brilliant idea in the entire world. Jooheon bolts upright, and traps Minhyuk in his arms as he hugs the living stuffing out of him.

“Of course!” Jooheon cries out, his eyes becoming crescents as his dimples show. “Hyung, you’re a genius! I’ll woo him, and he’ll fall in love with me, and we’ll end up together, and it’ll be great!” Minhyuk chuckles at Jooheon’s sudden burst of energy, patting Jooheon on his shoulder after he’s released.

“Want any help?” Minhyuk offers, chuckling almost conspiratorially. “I mean, I did get Kihyun, of all people, to be mine… If that doesn’t prove my abilities to woo, I don’t know what do.” Jooheon chuckles soundlessly at this, remembering the brash, outlandish tactics Minhyuk had used on one of their mutual friends only last year, and shakes his head.

“No, I need something with a little more finesse,” he tells the older. And, without waiting for a reply, he then gathers his things and heads towards the door. “I’ve gotta go get supplies and make a game plan. Good luck with your homework, hyung~!” Minhyuk frowns after him, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

“I have finesse…” he mumbles to the already-closed door of his bedroom, as if Jooheon is still there to hear him. He then groans in exasperation and returns his gaze to his homework, his frown only worsening as he takes in the algebraic formulas before him. He goes for his phone, and sends a text to his boyfriend, wondering if he’d be able to help with all this nonsense.

I thought Heonney was helping you? Kihyun replies only a second later. Minhyuk sighs loudly at his screen as he types out his reply.

He’s run off to woo the maknae, leaving me here all by my lonesome :’(

……. Okay fine, I’m on my way

Minhyuk chuckles to himself, tossing his phone to the side as he stands to make his room look a bit more presentable, knowing that once Kihyun gets here, the last thing they’ll be doing is formulas.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (Chapter 2)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2.8K for this chapter Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Strangers to Friends to Lovers Author’s Note: All dates are obviously completely fictionalized, including Dan’s little subscriber count milestone. This is an AU, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Extreme thanks to the Treehouse Mailing List for all their support and encouragement! Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 2: Talk to Me

danisnotonfire You said to DM you, so here I am. DMing you. This feels weird. Is it weird? I think maybe Im making it weird. 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s not weird. Or if it is, that’s cool. I like weird. ;) 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire lol 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil I was interested in what you were saying about the FFVII soundtrack. Tell me more about why you like the music so much. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire Have you lestined to it? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil No 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire But you play the game, right? It ws in your video 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s hard to explain, but I play it with the sound off. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil But seriously, I’m interested. Tell me about the music. 8 September 2009

Dan’s passion for music inspired Phil to download the song “Interrupted by Fireworks” and play it loud enough that he could feel the tempo by laying his palms flat on the speakers.

After his roommates complained about the noise, he only did it again at times when they weren’t home.

AmazingPhil This is going to seem really weird, but I’ve felt awkward about bringing it up. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire I am the king of awkward lol 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Bring what up? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s just, we’ve been talking for weeks, and I haven’t said anything about it. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Okay, well, I’m Deaf. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire You cant hear? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Yes, Dan, that’s what Deaf means. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Hey no need to be a jerk about it. I’m just surprised. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Why didn’t you ever say anything? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Well, I thought you would have figured it out from some of my videos and stuff I’ve tweeted, but then when you started talking about music, I just … 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I am such an idiot. 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil No you’re not! That’s why I didn’t want to say anything! 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire why? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Because I liked talking to you, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or something. Or to maybe think I was a freak or something. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I dont think your a freak 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire the whole reason i started liking your videos was because you dont talk in them 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire is that weird? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Maybe we’re both a little weird. But I don’t mind if you don’t. :) 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire xD 27 September 2009

One of Phil’s old friends from school had gone all the way to America to attend Gallaudet University, since it was the most highly respected university for the Deaf in the world. She’d had to study ASL in advance, of course, since it was a completely different language than BSL, but she seemed to be really enjoying her studies there. Apparently the sense of Deaf community there was more than she’d even imagined in Manchester. She practically glowed when she talked about her feeling of belonging.

Phil was jealous.

He’d chosen York because of his interest in their graduate program in video postproduction, since he’d loved experimenting with film since childhood, but his isolation as an undergraduate made him wonder how well a Deaf student would be received in the graduate program. Would they even make any accommodation for him in studying what they might perceive as a definitively audio and visual medium?

He and Sharon occasionally Skyped when the time difference allowed, but she now sometimes slipped into ASL without noticing, and Phil found himself feeling like even his Deaf friends were slipping away.

AmazingPhil Maybe we could Skype sometime? I mean, I can’t talk, obviously, or hear you, but we could at least see each other in real life and not just Dailybooth pics. :] 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire How would we talk tho? 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil I don’t know. We could write on paper and hold it up or something? 2 October 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil Now? 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil YAY! 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil See you soon! 2 October 2009

Dan seemed cripplingly shy in their first Skype call. He avoided eye contact much of the time, which made communicating rather difficult, but he loosened up a bit by the end and even seemed to flirt a bit.

Phil tried really hard not to develop a crush.

He was not particularly successful.

They exchanged phone numbers and began texting constantly, not to mention the lengthy Skype calls. Dan talked about his own interest in making videos, but gloomily doubted his ability to create anything interesting or worthwhile. Phil urged him to give it a try.

15 October 2009

Phil: I think you should upload it. It’s really good. Really!

Dan: I don’t now. I’m afraid people will think its kind of weird.

Phil: Weird is kind of our thing, though, isn’t it? :p

Dan: I just dont want to look stupid or soemething. i mean it kind of sucks

Phil: Dan, it’s brilliant. I promise.

Phil: I have to ask, though. The subtitle thing. Did you do that because of me?

Dan: No. I dont know. Not really. i just liked it. I thought it looked cool.

Phil: It DOES look cool. I just didn’t want …

Dan: what?

Phil: I don’t know. I didn’t want you to be making videos for me like that just because I’m Deaf. I know that sounds stupid. Never mind.

Dan: No i now what you mean. That wasn’t why i did it. I told you i first liked your videos becuz you didnt talk in them. So I guess I liked that style, but mine is different. right?

Phil: Of course! Your style is completely different from mine! I love the old-time silent movie thing, with the title cards and everything. It’s really unique! That’s why I think it’s so brilliant!

Phil: That’s why you should definitely upload it.

Dan: really?

Phil: Absolutely!

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: ok

Dan: maybe tmorrow

When Dan uploaded his first video, Phil tweeted about it enthusiastically to encourage his own online friends and fans to check it out, and unsurprisingly people loved it.

Dan’s unique, silent film era style, complete with occasional sepia tones and use of fancy-font title cards to communicate all dialogue and narration, approached modern-day storytelling and vlogging from a completely fresh perspective. He told stories about his own life, but in a style no one had used before.

People were intrigued. Other YouTubers Phil had come to know over the years quickly began interacting with Dan on Twitter, and Dan gathered an enthusiastic audience almost right from the start.

And Dan’s looks certainly didn’t hurt. Phil tried to ignore any jealousy he felt about the amount of flirting he saw going on publicly over social media. He and Dan were friends. Maybe they flirted, but apparently Dan flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean anything.

23 October 2009

Phil: Are you going to the Halloween gathering in London next week?

Dan: no

Phil: Why not? You’re officially a YouTuber now! You should come!

Dan: I can’t

Phil: We could finally meet. That would be so cool!

Dan: I said I cant

Dan: Just drop it ok?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push or anything.

Phil: I mean, of course if you don’t want to come, that’s fine.

Phil: I just thought it would be cool to meet you in person.

Phil: I mean, you’re one of my closest friends now and we’ve never even met!

[no response]

[after an hour, Phil logs off]

Phil took the train to London and attended the Halloween Gathering on his own, but felt Dan’s absence keenly the entire time. He brought a white board and a few different colored pens so he could communicate with people more easily, and found that YouTubers were less shy about such things than the average uni student seemed to be. They seemed to find the white board an intriguing novelty and eagerly interacted with him through it.

They didn’t treat him like a freak.

Or, at least, they treated him like their own kind of freak.

He’d discovered a different community. One that wasn’t perhaps as easily familiar and comfortable as the Deaf community he’d grown up in, but a community nonetheless.

He just wished Dan had gotten to experience it, too.

He kept in touch with another YouTuber he’d met at the London gathering, a guy named PJ who had been particularly unselfconscious about using pantomime, facial expression, and the occasional impromptu prop to communicate with Phil instead of relying exclusively on words written on the white board.

Their brains seemed to work in similarly creative ways, and they collaborated on a sort of abstract short film they’d sketched out together on a series of paper napkins during dinner at the gathering. Phil was pretty proud of the way the project turned out, and PJ seemed happy with it, too. They put it up on PJ’s channel, and it got quite a bit of enthusiastic viewer response.

Dan’s blatantly passive-aggressive jealousy about the whole thing was Phil’s first hint that his own more-than-platonic interest might be reciprocated, but he tried not to get his hopes up.

13 December 2009

Dan: I can’t believe I hit 10,000 subscribers!

Phil: Yeah, well, everybody loves danisnotonfire.

Dan: really? so that includes you? ;)

Phil: Nah. Not me.

Phil: I don’t love danisnotonfire.

Phil: I love Dan Howell.

[a minute passes]

Dan: I love Phil Lester, too.

Phil finished his graduate degree in York and returned to Manchester to find himself a flat on his own. He liked the independence but also enjoyed being closer to his family again, and some of his friends from school and college had returned to the area after uni as well.

Returning to some involvement with Deaf culture encouraged Phil to gradually shift the content of his videos, as he became more comfortable openly signing anecdotes about his life, influenced no doubt by Dan’s focus on his everyday life experiences in his own videos.

Viewer response was mixed. Some of Phil’s loyal audience rolled with the changes and seemed to enjoy the more personal glimpses into his life and personality, but others left ignorant, offensive comments about deafness and sign language. He lost some subscribers. Making his content more personal had made the cruel comments feel more personal, too. But when something online hurt his feelings, he just texted a real-life person he knew accepted him just as he was, and it helped.

Being able to sign with people again made his life richer and more fulfilling … and yet he found himself looking forward to his evening Skype calls more than any real-life interactions with his old friends. His family expressed concern that this obsession with a “stranger” on the Internet wasn’t healthy, but they just didn’t understand.

Phil had fallen harder than he ever had before, and with someone he’d never even met in person.

In a strange way, Phil felt simultaneously happier and lonelier than he’d ever been.

11 June 2011

Phil: Are you going to Summer in the City this year?

Dan: no

Phil: You have a lot of fans now. I’m sure they’d like to meet you!

Phil: And there are other people who would like to meet you, too! :p

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I said no. Jesus phil just leave it the fuck alone!

Phil: Hey, I’m sorry! I’m not trying to pressure you!

Phil: I’m just starting to feel like this is kind of weird. Like I have a boyfriend I’ve never even met.

Dan: weird is what we do, right?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Yeah. Right.

Phil: I know.

Phil: I’d just really like to meet you.

[no response]

[after a really long time, Phil logs off]

Phil attended Summer in the City on his own again, painfully aware of how much closer he was to Dan when he visited London than when he was back home in Manchester. Painfully aware that Dan not only hadn’t wanted to attend the convention, but hadn’t even responded to Phil’s desire to meet.

He talked with other YouTubers, made plans for possible future collaborations, and hugged dozens of enthusiastic fans, took hundreds of smiling selfies. But the entire time, he couldn’t help but think that Dan was only 40 miles away, instead of the usual 200. Less than an hour by train.

So near, and yet not within reach. He felt it like a physical pain.

15 June 2011

Dan: remember when you first told me you were deaf?

Phil: Yeah?

Dan: and you were afraid i woud think you were a freak

Phil: Right, but you didn’t. Right?

Dan: of course not you idiot <3

Phil: So what’s going on?

Dan: theres soemthing i havent told you

Phil: You can tell me anything. I love you. You know that.

Dan: but its really weird

Phil: Weird is what we do. <3<3<3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: i dont talk

Phil: Like you’re shy? I wondered if that might be why you wouldn’t go to the gatherings and stuff.

Dan: no i dont talk

Phil: But you talk to me all the time. I’m confused.

Dan: i mean to people. out loud. irl i don’t talk. ever

Phil: Okay.

Dan: ok?

Phil: Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don’t talk either. Are you Deaf too? Is that why you don’t talk? Why didn’t you ever say anything?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: no i’m not deaf i just dont talk

Phil: It’s okay, Dan. I just want to understand. Why don’t you talk?

[no response]

[after a very, very long time, Phil logs off]

Phil didn’t know what to do with what Dan had told him, especially since Dan had sort of dropped a bomb and then just run off without explaining anything.

One thing was clear, though. Dan didn’t like being pushed. When he wanted to talk about this—no pun intended—he would.

Because if one other thing was clear, it was that Phil was willing to wait.

6 July 2011

Dan: You havent brought it up.

Phil: What?

Dan: You havent ever asked about the talking thing.

Phil: I did. You didn’t answer.

Dan: yeah but you havent asked again since

Phil: Did you want me to?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I dont know. maybe

Phil: Okay. Why don’t you talk?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I havent talked since I was 8.

Phil: Wow. That’s a long time.

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: yeah

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Is that why you never wanted to meet?

Dan: yeah i didn’t want you to think I was a freak

Phil: Dan, weird is what we do. And I’m Deaf!

Dan: Well yeah but you dont do that on purpose.

Phil: You do it on purpose?

Dan: sort of i guess

Phil: So you could talk if you wanted to, but you don’t want to?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan, I don’t think you’re a freak. Just talk to me.

Phil: Crap. You know what I mean.

[no response]

[hours later, Phil finally logs off]

Phil did some research into muteness that someone might call “on purpose,” just wanting to understand, and found himself wondering if what Dan experienced was maybe something called “selective mutism” or maybe a “conversion disorder.” As far as he could tell, neither one was truly something anyone did purposely, but, really, if Dan didn’t want to talk about it, Phil wouldn’t be able to understand much at all. He just wanted to educate himself a bit so that if Dan ever did want to talk about it, he’d be less likely to say something stupid and make Dan shut down even more.

12 February 2012

Dan: I have a question to ask you.

Phil: Okay.

Dan: but its making me really nervous

Phil: I love you, Dan. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I promise. <3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: do you think maybe i could come visit you in manchester?

Phil: Skype me right now this very minute because you have to see how big my smile is! <3<3<3<3<3

[Continue to Chapter 3]