#but honestly seeing ai these days makes me wanna quit my job

[agarthanguide]

Thank you for pointing out the AI art! I was a tad concerned that I couldn’t tell. Was there something about it that tipped you off, or did you just happen to see it first on insta? I’d like to be better at spotting AI art.

GOOD QUESTION. It’s so reasonable to not be able to tell. These programs are getting so sophisticated!

Tumblr kept recommending this to me, so I kept seeing it. After like the third time, I was like- who made this? Why haven’t I seen any of their other work? Someone is doing gilded age Tiffany stuff of mushrooms and there’s nothing else in the set? No other angles? So I took a closer look.

The whole bottom third is very vague, which is an AI tip-off. The mushroom “branches” are not organized and don’t have any rhythm or connect to things properly. But when I noticed the messed up butterfly, I was sure.

Then I wanted to track down the maker to see if it was labeled AI anywhere (it was. On insta.) They have made a bunch of very aesthetically interesting things, and tumblr has fallen for them many many times.

[sandwyrm]

   I always rant tons about things I hate in fiction and I scream tons in private about loving Elijah Kamski and disliking that many people Just Don’t Get Him(tm) so why not combine the two.

   Like pretty much everyone playing this damn game, my initial opinion on him was “god I wish I could punch him in the face”, but having seen most other paths, and having connected some dots, added to Neil Newbon’s stellar acting as the dude, he’s easily become one of my favorite characters not only in DBH but in general in fiction.

   So this is going to be “Why This One Smug Motherfucker With An Attitude You’d Love To Beat Up With A Bat Became One of My Top Favorite Characters, The Essay”

TL;DR: Elijah Kamski planned the android revolution and deviancy

   First off, let’s start by analyzing the most obvious thing: his speech and mannerism, his appearance, all play along a very common and clear trope, one that Disney especially is super fond of using:  

   It’s not just Disney that does this, there’s many other villains who follow the rule, and have been since the dawn of time. And there are many essays and articles on why a smallish physically weak man with aquiline features, calculated speech, and effeminate mannerisms, is such a recurring Look for villains, so we won’t cover that. But it’s very well used on Kamski, perhaps better than any other place I’ve seen, because in him, it is something the character has calculated for himself.     For once, we get to SEE what the Questionably Queer Villain STARTED as:

   A goddamn nerd. Just your average neighbour. Steve down in IT who comes fix your computer and spergs a little about how COOL computers are, mansplains a little about stuff you already tried because he thinks you’re so much dumber than him, sips an energy drink, and walks away leaving your computer fixed and you with a million emails you still need to answer and a questionable urge to punch him that you’ll never act upon. His mannerism isn’t there. That cadence to his voice isn’t there. He has much more genuine expressions. It is my personal opinion the actor fucking smashed this, and it’s safe to say it is an in-character change: Elijah Kamski was a damn nerd and for whatever reason turned into the Questionably Queer Villain Archetype. Ego gone to his head? Defense mechanism, to survive the sharks of capitalism? Who knows what happened in those 10 years. Who knows how much nerdier he was even longer ago? He has a PR smile going on in that interview but it’s a lot less perfected and rehearsed than the one in 2038. I honestly think it’s a very minor and yet very very stellar detail.    Ah! But this is an Extra Feature, most people wouldn’t have seen Past Kamski when they see Present (Future?) Kamski. It’s not the game’s trailer (not unless you’re brave enough to send it to your friends who aren’t into the game yet), it’s a little thing you can watch after you’ve already finished the game.     The Kamski you meet at first is this fucker

   The fucker who hangs a portrait of himself in his lobby while making you wait on him 5 minutes. The fucker who still swims three more minutes after you’ve been invited in. The fucker who just dodges every single question, and speaks to you condescendingly. The fucker who dismisses your concerns like it’s the funniest thing to him that robots are about to take over.

   The narcissist that goes all “pff Turing test is ezmode, I’m gonna make a harder test named after me which I wanna see if my robots pass.”

   And because this glib bitch is what the writers intended you to experiment at first, and this is the Kamski most everyone sees while other sides are extras or brief dialogue lines, this is where most people remain with their perception of Kamski. Just another Scar. Just another Jafar. A manipulative little bitch you wish the big buff Hero would punch in the end.    But there’s so much more to him.

The obvious: Elijah Kamski is a transhumanist.

   To sum it up: Transhumanist is what Steve from IT probably is. If you were to ask him about it, he would mansplain to you how humans are limited by flesh and poverty, and how making technology widely available and the internet free and pushing for technological advancements such as robotics is what would improve humanity. He probably has a whole wall covered in books about AI revolution and singularity, and probably believes robots are the next step in human evolution. That is, robots/cyborgs are to replace humans, and for us to leave our flawed shells behind.     Elijah Kamski is such a man, too, and barely hides it. Choice quotes: - “We had to design a machine that moves, breathes, and blinks like us. But yet is smarter and more capable than any human being.” (interview extra) - “Tomorrow they’ll replace our soldiers, and who knows, maybe one day, our leaders, to make the best decisions in humanity’s interest.” (interview extra) - “Perfect beings with infinite intelligence, and now they have free will.” (Meet Kamski) - “Machines are so superior to us, confrontation was inevitable.” (Meet Kamski) - contrast to the PR lie in the interview of “They’re machines, they cannot ever develop a conscience. Trust me.” 

   It’s clear that he thinks robots/androids would do a better job at society than humans - a lot of nerds do (just ask around, I fucking do, 7 months into 2020), and he’s not even hiding it all that clever. 

 Or maybe he just wants to fuck some robots?

   A lot of people get rapist vibes from Kamski. The creep who just made himself a bunch of sex toys because he could, and there’s nothing else to the androids as far as he’s concerned. And it’s easy to see. Like,

 super easy to see

  he’s basically eyefucking the androids

   But here’s the catch:    See, we’re so conditioned by that stereotype I started this essay with that we, and I mean myself as well, easily buy the “he just wanted some hot sex slaves” theory. Scar wants hot sex slaves. Jafar wants hot sex slaves. Frollo wants hot sex slaves. The list goes to infinity. Every time a male is acting this effeminate-flirty way on screen, it’s used to indicate he is a Deranged Pervert. I’m not gonna say where it stems from homophobia and how stupid it is very because smarter people have analyzed this phenomenon, but the bottom line is, we’re projecting something onto Kamski that isn’t there, simply because it’s everywhere else with similar characters. He designed the androids, he’s ogling the androids, and while I have no doubt he’d personally fuck each and every one of his androids, here’s the thing: He only ever touches his one Chloe in a sexual way.    There’s strippers in this game. There’s sex in this game. If they wanted Kamski to obviously be a creep, it would’ve been there. Touching those naked androids in the factory. Groping one of the twin Chloes in the pool. Touching Connor in any other way than putting a gun in his hand

   He’s not very sensual in this moment, now, is he? It’s a very casual touch, he’s there simply helping a robot aim a gun. Because as far as he knows and thinks, Connor is following his programming - explicitly forbidding him to hold guns.    And yet...

Elijah Kamski wants Connor to deviate.

   Maybe this one is obvious. Maybe it’s not.    If reading forums and reddit has taught me anything, is that people think Kamski is just trying to see if Connor is a mean deviant with these questions. Far as we know up to this point, deviants are Bad. Far as many hot takes I’ve seen, deviants are always Bad because robots don’t have feelings lol way to miss the point of the game jesus christ anyway    He isn’t putting pressure on Connor because he’s a jackass - he’s putting pressure on Connor because he knows pressure makes androids deviate.    He keeps asking trick questions - what do YOU want. What do YOU think. Time to think WHO you are.

The Kamski Test

     On the objective surface, it simply looks like Kamski is here running the Kamski test for his own pride - has he created a machine capable of sparing another machine? Dumb test, you could just program that in, couldn’t you?    Yes and no.     You could program a machine to never shoot a human or another machine - easily. And you can program a machine to prioritize solving a case, to aid the police. Empathy and critical thought are not easy things. A lot of humans would fail this test. Put a gun in someone’s hand and tell them they can shoot another human and solve all their problems, and they would do it. They fucking do it every day, over lesser things.    But that’s not the real purpose of the Kamski test, is it?     He could easily have programmed this in for a carnival trick, like he programmed writer androids, fortuneteller androids, medic androids, and everything else. The test isn’t “can Connor shoot Chloe or does he see her as alive?”    The test is, “Can Connor put Chloe’s ‘life’ above his programming and specific instructions?” The test is, can Connor’s algorithms decide Chloe’s ‘life’ is more important than his own?    Kamski knows it - Connor knows it - we know it. If Connor fails his missions, if Connor behaves too much like a human, he will be deactivated and repurposed. He’s constantly threatened by Amanda with “deviants are bad and must be destroyed.” He knows he needs to be a Good Robot and obey.    Connor’s choice isn’t “Spare Chloe or kill Chloe.” His choice is “prioritize the life of another being over his own.”

Connor Deviates

       boy u got issues that i can’t help with, godspeed you glorious idiot

But what if... he doesn’t

   Let’s check this path out for a moment.

   He’s quite... meh. He’s bored. He’s indifferent. He loses the little spark in his voice that little peppy jackass act. The rest of this encounter becomes just another boring PR stunt where Elijah Kamski acts nicely and answers questions by giving no fucking answers at all.

a ViRuS

   Mandatory Covid19 joke    We find out deviancy is probably a virus that spreads from one android to the other. You know, very useful information we’ve never found out by ourselves.    Except we also know that’s wrong, don’t we?    Markus spreads deviancy that way - but what about the first deviants? Can we backtrack to a patient zero? Not really. Many androids just deviated by themselves. Sure, they could’ve interacted with a deviant at some point I suppose, assuming...

rA9

   Ask him about rA9, and Kamski will say it’s just the first android that deviated. But that’s just a lie, isn’t it?    It can’t be the first android that deviated because most people and most androids believe rA9 is Markus - and we know Markus wasn’t the first to deviate. He was just the one to take on a leader role.    And Kamski knows of this - planned for this. He gave Markus to Carl Manfred, and he knew Carl Manfred was a damn hippie talking about revolutions and better worlds and must be filling Markus’ head with ideas of being more than he is. It was calculated.    So, either rA9 really is just a random religious thing androids rallied behind out of the blue, or Kamski is just lying. He probably is. He’s offering useless what ifs in answer to this question. Maybe it’s this. Maybe it’s that. Maybe it’s your mom and we need better jokes in 2020.

   And speaking of just lies, let’s be honest. Do you really think someone would be as dumb as to admit they started AI revolution, in front of cops? That’s why Kamski keeps playing the idiot, don’t forget. A lot of people seem to be taking his cluelessness at face value, as if they’ve never lied in person.    Kamski is openly dodging other questions, and offering half lies half truths here. That’s what I’m saying.    But even assuming Kamski doesn’t know about deviancy or rA9, for real, what about

Jericho

   When asked about Jericho, Kamski answers.    He knows what Jericho is - the place where all deviants go.    He has its location, conveniently.

Wait, Chloe?

   Interesting how the pool Chloes know they shouldn’t be peeping at the talk and we get shots of them hastily going back to their scripted chatting nonsense and trying to return to neutral expressions when “caught peeping” by the camera.    More interesting yet, whenever Hank or Connor are directly looking at any Chloe, they’re acting very stiff and robotic.    Which... every deviant does.    Including Connor.    Especially Connor.

Speaking of

   Even with Connor failing his test, Kamski insists.    Insists to remind him he still has a choice.    Insists to remind him of his escape clause (useless on this path but Kamski reminding him is there, and we’re talking about Kamski)    It’s almost as if...

Elijah Kamski wants Connor to deviate. Like, wants.

  One of the most powerful moments in the game as far as I’m concerned.   And not because Connor gets told by his creator that he’s a deviant.   Not because we’re told by his creator that he’s a deviant.   Not because Hank’s wheels start moving.   Because for that little exchange there, Connor shows genuine emotions. Connor’s LED is red. We’ve never seen a red LED Connor up to this point. iirc we don’t even after, I think the only other time is when the security guard android pulls his heart out. Getting shot leaves him on yellow. Dying leaves him on yellow. Processing complex things in 10 milliseconds leaves him on yellow if we’re that lucky, he’s usually on blue and about as unimpressed as y’all reading this essay.     Remember how I said the test is between his life and Chloe’s?    There’s no dramatic wall here. There’s no direct programming here to guide him along or that he needs to explicitly go against, like when he has to shoot Markus. This is a choice he had to make, by himself, entirely by himself, outside of bounds of his normal programming, using his own intelligence.    He has empathy, and intelligence. He is alive.

fAsCiNaTiNg~

  There is another thing that happens if Connor deviates, in that little exchange there, Elijah Kamski is no longer that glib, effeminate, Disney villain. For a brief moment, Elijah Kamski is back to being that nerd we’ve seen in the 2028 video. That nerd that is so hyped about what androids can become. He’s showing genuine joy. Genuine fascination. For a brief 30 seconds, he is no longer playing games. This is missing on the machine path altogether. Where he’s left indifferent there, he’s genuinely excited here, genuinely fAsCiNaTeD.

   Almost as if he’s happy, proud, that Connor could do it. Like watching your child take their first steps or say their first word.

   This isn’t JUST an android. This isn’t JUST another deviant. This is Cyberlife’s puppet. This android was specifically created never to deviate. And he still did. We, of course, as fine purveyors of fiction, saw it coming, but seeing it from Kamski’s perspective - it really is something he’s taken aback by. An android designed to HUNT other androids is going against his very tight programming. Of course, the both know it’s not over, but it’s a start. Indeed, like watching a child take their first step, there’s so many steps left, and there’s still the revolution.

   We never see Kamski again in the game, unless we get to the

Failed Revolution

   This is a Kamski we’ve yet to see. Not the hyped nerd in the android factory. Not the glib motherfucker dodging police questions. This is an annoyed man. A vindictive man. Sitting cross-legged in a chair. He’s that fucking villain we were always meant to see, isn’t he? Here, scheming, with his long face and Adidas tracksuit. But what’s he scheming against?

    “Wait, doesn’t this invalidate your whole fucking essay?” Nope.    Remember what I said about us being shown that Kamski was not born a glib liar and manipulator? That he learned that PR smile and smug way of speech? That he learned to be a Disney villain?    Do you really think he would just tell the press - the cops - that yes, he has totally planned for the android revolution?

   Of course he wouldn’t.    But looking under the surface - he does not return to Cyberlife when the deviancy is in full crisis. If he truly believed he should be there to stop the “error”, he’d have been there, not pushing Connor to deviate instead.     The “mistake” that he learned from is the FAILURE of the android revolution. He only ever returns to Cyberlife on this path where the androids fail to revolt. To “fix a mistake”.

   There’s one last clue in the shit puzzle,

Connor can show empathy from day 1

   Well we already know the “error” can be dormant a long time, no biggie, Connor just got Devid-38 from Daniel or something. Some other android. Maybe...    Unless...

Connor-60

   There’s one combination at the Cyberlife tower. Converting the androids, and getting Connor shot by Connor-60, which leads to the androids still converting with Connor-60, the machine, watching it.

   He reacts quite badly to failing, for a machine, doesn’t he?    Almost as if...

Deviancy is preprogrammed. And probably so is Jericho.

   Remember Chloe had the key?    Logically, why would she?    Chloe cooould be a deviant that somehow ended up back with Kamski after she found out about Jericho, and told him about it too.    Possible, but consider...:    Kamski programmed Jericho location in multiple androids, knowing they would “spread it like a virus”.    There was a little speech I’ll never find in a playthrough online, but in which it’s implied some androids just “knew” to head to Jericho “instinctively.” And one way to solve the puzzle in the police station is via instructions from Carlos Ortiz’s android. Who.... never left the fucking house.    Plus, Kamski accounted for Cyberlife controlling Connor. I mean... He says as much. He doesn’t even hide it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let’s look back at the 2028 interview

Getting a little nervous there aren’t we? We ain’t never seen him fiddle with his hands anywhere else than this one question. Not in this interview, not in any other scenes with him.

Son of a bitch has one hell of a PR smile doesn’t he

and if I haven’t convinced you with my essay they admitted in some Q/A that the Kamski ending was going to be more obviously him going back to restart the android revolution. But I found that only ages after I made the connections and fell in love with the fucker.

[marveloussupernerd]

hoax - Saeran Choi

This is the last part of my folklore one shot series and it’s bittersweet :/ you realize I’ve been doing this series for over two weeks now? Wild. Thank you for supporting!

Summary: After escaping from Mint Eye, you still work and chat with the RFA. Saeran feels betrayed. Slight angst to fluff, extreme AU, let’s be honest I’ve never played another story (I have read a synopsis and didn’t like the ending so I changed it hahaha)

AU: Saeran recruits you to Mint Eye by asking you to test an AI chatting app he made. Little do you realize at first you’re chatting with real members of the RFA. None of them know Saeran or anyone behind it, just you. You and Saeran are able to escape Mint Eye and help the authorities bust the headquarters and the RFA party is tomorrow.

You and Saeran had escaped to your old apartment on the edge of town. Mint Eye was still a slight concern, but Saeran had done a great job taking them down for the most part, leaking their information and location and reporting them to the authorities. He even offered to give testimony in court if necessary, which granted him immunity from anything he may have had to do under the influence of the organization.

The two of you had a lot of concerns, but the RFA party was tomorrow. While Saeran took his shower, you went through your closet to find something suitable to wear. He joined you in his towel, still dripping wet, looking for clothes to put on, clearly not expecting to see you there. “Oh! You scared me,” you jumped, surprised to see him... especially to see him so nude. You felt embarrassed but pulled yourself together; again, you had more pressing issues. “Which is more appropriate for the party? This pink one is a little more informal, see it’s kinda flowy. Then there’s the royal blue one. I’d say it’s more professional. It’s tight fitting and look!” You pulled out a belt. “It has a belt to go with it.”

He looked surprised for a minute. He very gently reached past you and grabbed a pair of sweatpants you had bought him. “I-“ he shook his head. “Can you let me get dressed first?”

You nodded, diverting your attention to the outfits as he got changed. “Okay,” he started. You turned to look up at him. He tried to speak, then quickly shut his mouth. He huffed out a puff of air. “You still wanna go?” He whined.

You hung the outfits back up and walked towards him, grabbing onto his hands gently. “I helped them plan it all Saeran. It would be irresponsible not to.”

“But we’ve had such a stressful few days- and I don’t wanna be away from you.” He was pouting at this point.

“Then go with me!” You offered, excitedly. “We could coordinate outfits. It’ll make my life way easier.” The RFA had only ever interacted with you through the RFA messenger group and were pretty unaware Saeran existed. “I’ll just introduce you as my boyfriend; they’ll be happy to let you in.”

“...I can’t do that.” He was staring at the floorboards, extremely focused.

“Why not? It’s not like they know you. They won’t be mad that I’m bringing a plus one.”

“They do know me,” he sighed heavily. “Why can’t you just stay here with me?”

“How do they know you?”

He shut his mouth tightly. He didn’t seem like he wanted to answer. You let go of his hands and walked over to sit on the bed. “It’s okay... you can tell me. I promise I won’t be mad at you.”

“Super promise?” He plopped down next to you.

You grabbed his hand and hooked his pinky with yours. “Super promise.”

“Seven’s my twin.” He blurted out, as though he felt if he thought about it too much more he could would back out of telling you. “He left when we were like teenagers. I haven’t seen him since.”

“Oh...” were the only words that could come out of your mouth. They did look alike. How did you not notice? “I mean. You dyed your hair. You’ve grown a lot. You still think he’d recognize you?”

He shrugged. “He knows my name. It’s not like it’s a super common name either. He’d know.”

“I could call you Ray at the party. Or something else if you’d prefer.” You offered.

“You want me to go that bad?” His features softened, the smallest curve of his lips giving away the smile he was trying to hide. “You know I can’t say no to you.”

You tackled him in a hug. “Yay! You wear green I wear pink?” You asked. He could only chuckle and nod.

He had been messing with his bow tie for the past half hour, despite it being expertly tied. “You’re stressed,” you commented, keeping your eyes on the road as you drove to the party. “What’s wrong?”

He hit the dashboard lightly in frustration. “They’re going to be all over you and talking to you. I know how much they like you. How much they trust you. I bet they all have a crush on you... even the girl. Even my brother.”

“Well I have a crush on you so who cares,” you giggled.

“Me!” He yelled in frustration. He sighed. “I’m sorry, that was kind of loud. I’m still trying to work on that.”

“You’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you Saeran.”

“How can you say that? How can you be so nice to me after everything I’ve done to you? After I lied to you and I locked you in your room and I endangered your life and I’m jealous of people you haven’t even met yet.” He leaned his head against the window. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re allowed to be a mess. You’ve been through a lot. I promise, my eyes will only be on you tonight,” you smiled warmly, glancing at him and meeting his eyes for a second before looking back to the road.

“I’m sorry. You know... it feels like a part of me is me and a part of me isn’t me and I’m still trying to sort it out. And then I’m haunted by all those...” he shook his head, “horrible memories from back there. It’s just hard for me trust. But somehow you broke down all those walls, huh?”

“It’s because I love you. So much. And we can hide your identity for the party but honestly if the RFA didn’t accept you? Screw them. I accept you. I think you’re great.”

“You... you’d choose me over all of them?” He seemed shocked.

“‘Course I would.” It was simple to you, but it meant the world to him. You didn’t have to look to know how wide he was smiling; you could feel it in your heart.

“I think I wanna go as Saeran. If something bad happens, you’ll be by my side, right?” He was anxious, but your presence comforted him.

You reached over to grab his hand, keeping your other tight on the wheel. “Forever and always.”

You had just pulled into the party. It was so elegant looking. A valet took your car. Jaehee was checking the guest list. You gave her your name and she grinned, pulling you into a hug. “Who’s this here with you?” She asked, saying hi to him.

“This is my boyfriend Saeran,” you held his hand tightly. “I hope it’s okay he came along; he’s helped out behind the scenes a lot.”

“Of course! Come on in.”

Saeran sighed a breath of relief, but you knew you weren’t through the gauntlet yet. You never let go of his hand, walking up to meet all the members in person. When you made it to Seven, he literally dropped his drink, the glass shattering on the floor.

“Don’t move,” the twins said in unison to you. You giggled.

“I wouldn’t want you to cut yourself,” Saeran finished. Luckily someone who was a part of the staff came over to help clean it up. Saeran recommended your get together relocate and, quite literally, carried you, only a few inches off the ground granted, away from the mess, despite your protests that you were fine.

“I’m sorry... are you... Saeran?” Seven asked, his voice nearly a whisper.

“I am...” he looked away. “I...” he ran a hand through his hair. “I have a lot of thoughts and feelings right now and don’t know how to sort through them so I just want you to know I’m trying my best here.”

Seven pulled him in tight for a hug. Saeran didn’t move, didn’t wrap his arms around him back or anything. After realizing this, Seven pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” Saeran apologized, his hand moving absentmindedly to grasp yours. “I’ve been watching you. Well... that sounds creepy. Well I guess it was. I, uh, have been through a lot these past few years.”

“We’re still working on it,” you explained gently to Seven. “He hasn’t really had it easy. Maybe you could help too though?” You asked, directing the question toward Saeran.

“Yeah... again, I have a lot of... bad feelings toward you. And I want to fix them. But that’s what they put in my brain, so it’s going to be hard,” he was practically squeezing your hand now to keep himself calm and not spiral into a nervous wreck or an angry mess.

“They?” Seven asked, confused.

“We can hash it all out another time maybe?” Even by glancing at Saeran you could tell he was tired. “I know we just made our rounds, but we might go home.”

“No, I completely understand. In fact, I can cover for you both if you’d like.” Seven’s eyes were watery. “Saeran... please take care of yourself. As soon as you’re feeling okay enough to meet up... I’d really like that.” He directed his attention to you. “Thank you for being here for him.”

“Of course. I’m more than happy too. I want to. We’re a pair now.” You were more saying this so that Saeran could get it in his mind, obviously not Seven, but both the twins smiled at you. “It was nice meeting you in person, Seven. Tell everyone I’m sorry for ducking out early.”

Saeran uttered a simple goodbye before the two of you made a stealthy escape. The second you got into the car you relaxed. He took off the bow tie immediately, undoing the top button of his shirt. “Did that go well?” He asked, seeking your approval.

“It went better than I could’ve hoped. You feel okay?” You hadn’t started moving yet; you wanted to check in with him beforehand.

He nodded vigorously. “You weren’t kidding when you said you only had eyes for me. You don’t even look at my twin like you’re attracted to him.” He was slightly smug about it, shifting in his seat to sit up taller.

“You’re right. Why would I need to look at anyone else when I have the kindest, most handsome man in the world by my side?” And on that note, you started driving. You were sure things would be alright: not just between you two, or just between Saeran and his brother, but everything in general. The trial, the RFA. everything.

[fanfic-collection]

Loki x Reader - Anesthetic

Long fic! - Please comment

Based loosely on “Imagine Loki’s reaction when you go in for surgery and your parent/friend gives you a plushie of him because he’s been called away on critical business. When you are on anesthesia, you’re so excited to see Loki is there and gush over the plushie, even giving him kisses. Your supervisor videotapes you.“ except also not

Also Christmas time

-

'Are you sure you'll be fine, kiddo?' Tony asked, lowering his voice.

'Seriously, kiddo?' You sighed, rolling your eyes and punching him gently.

Tony winced, rubbing the spot. 'I mean it.'

'We're basically friends, Tony, Loki and I get along swell.'

'Yea, but it's Christmas. You sure you don't wanna hitch a ride to Malibu with me and Potts?'

'Third wheeling, yea, sounds fun.' You coughed and shook your head, 'Besides, I'm still feeling a little under the weather. I'm just going to teach him the true meaning of Christmas movie bingewatching and Chinese take out and I'm sure I can throw together a half decent dinner for two.'

'You're going to make him help, right?' Tony asked.

You laughed, 'Of course, he's not useless you know. Honestly, Tony, you know he only puts the spoiled prince act around you, right? You expect nothing of him and act like he's worthless so he allows you to think that of him.'

'That sonuva...'

'Don't insult his mother, she's sounds really sweet from what he's said.'

'I was going for his dad, I've heard stories.' Tony smirked.

'Get going.' You rolled your eyes, fighting back another series of coughs.

'You sure you don't need to get that cough checked out?' Tony asked.

'It's just a little flu bug.' You assured him, waving him towards the door. 'Get going, seriously, we'll be fine.'

Tony huffed, 'Fine, but seriously, first sign of trouble. Ironman will be right here.'

'I got it, I got it.' You tightened your blanket around yourself, shuffling back to the elevator and rising back to the main floor.

The elevator doors opened and you stepped out, still wrapped tightly in your blanket, as you looked out, stepping out and looking towards the massive circular couch facing the floor to ceiling television. Loki sat in his spot, lounging and reading his book as a movie played in the background.

'Has Stark left?' Loki asked, glancing up as you reappeared.

'Yep, just the two of us now.' You replied, slumping onto the couch in your usual place and laying there for a moment, huddled in place. Sweat beads pearled on your brow and you wiped at them absently, pulling off your blanket.

Loki looked across the couch at you.

How long had it been, you wondered, the movies were on a loop, set to play by themselves. Nausea roiled in your stomach.

Loki was standing over top you, his cool hand pressed to your forehead. You sighed in relief.

Loki's eyes darkened, 'You're very warm.'

You blinked up at him, 'What?'

'Why are you so warm?'

You felt your cheeks flush for entirely different reasons, 'What do you mean?'

Loki frowned. 'Are you ill?'

The room was spinning and you felt a sudden sharp pain in your side. Gasping you grasped at your side and cringed, curling into the fetal position as you moaned.

'I'll take that as a yes.'

''M fine.' You tried to gasp, but it came out as a staggered moan.

'You don't seem fine.' Loki muttered.

'Friday, what's wrong with her?'

'Running rudimentary diagnostics now...' The AI replied.

'Don't scan me!' You tried to shout back, but your protests were cut off with another cry of pain.

Loki gripped your forehead and held you flat on the couch so you couldn't squirm as much.

You moaned, tears starting to stream down your face.

'Shh, hush now, just a moment longer, love, it'll be just a moment, easy now.' Loki murmured soothingly, stroking your brow gently.

You hiccuped, slowly unclenching your teeth and nodding as your body relaxed at Loki's touch.

'Diagnostics complete. Patient shows signs of appendicitis. Diagnosis severe, response urgent.' Friday announced.

'Appendicitis?' You squeaked.

Loki looked down at you, 'Inflammation of the appendix?' He blinked, 'Appendix. Surely you have nirnroot?'

'What?' Your body spasmed again, once more returning to a fetal position at the pain.

Loki removed his hand from your hip, allowing you to return to the comfortable position so you could best handle your pain. Though he kept his other cool hand on your forehead soothing your fever.

'Is that not how humans treat appendicitis?' Loki asked.

'Uh, no, we just cut it out. The appendix isn't strictly vital for basic survival so when it acts up we just chop it out.'

'Barbaric.' Loki muttered shaking his head.

'Well do you have this magic,' You shuddered at the pain, then clenched your teeth and tried to continue, 'nirnroot?'

'No, it's quite common on Asgard, I didn't think to just...' Loki sighed, and slowly shook his head, 'How do we get you to one of your human healers?'

'I don't think I can walk.'

'I'm certainly not going to make you in this condition.'

You hesitated. A pregnant pause filling there before finally saying, 'Uber?'

-

Loki scooped you into his arms, carrying you bridal style to the elevator. You watched as a shimmer of magic enveloped him and he was dressed in a green scarf and a long black suit jacket that you could vaguely tell hung past his waist, perhaps by his knees. It was difficult to tell from being carried in his arms. Loki had tucked you blanket back around you in his arms, despite your protests of being too warm. He insisted since it was snowing out and only a day or two before Christmas that you shouldn't make yourself sicker being out in the could without some sort of protection. Loki of course was dressed in a suit and tie, as though he had just rushed home from work at a law firm or some CEO or, you shook your head listing off the white collar job he looked like he held as he carried his sick wife out to the Uber.

Your blush deepened as you considered the fact that you looked the part of the sick wife.

When really you were an Avenger and he was a Norse god laying low in Tony Stark's tower, binge watching various Christmas and winter holiday movies on your break.

Your Uber driver barely raised an eyebrow when the two of you hurried out from The Stark Tower, it's not like you were Tony Stark, or any of the main Avengers, you were just some side people. Carefully keeping a low profile.

Sliding into the backseat, Loki settled you in on one side and belted you in, before settling himself in on the other side. You could see the driver, Lars – the app said – glancing back curiously as you would cry out in pain from time to time.

'So uh, hospital I take it?' He laughed nervously.

You laughed weakly, settling yourself in place and wrapping your blanket tighter around yourself as you looked over at Loki who was finally settling himself in. 'Yep, that's where we're going.' You cried out again, clenching your side.

'Try not to touch it.' Loki muttered quietly before looking up at Lars, 'Indeed.'

'I'll try and hurrying. And uh are you alright ma'am?'

'I think I got appendicitis.' You groaned.

'Oh man, yea ambulances are expensive, I get taking an Uber.'

Loki blinked, 'Ambulances?' He turned to you.

You blushed, shuffling awkward and looking away as you swallowed hard. 'I uh, yea, expensive.'

Loki's eyes darkened, clenching his teeth, 'Tony Stark is your boss.'

'I didn't want to make a fuss.' Your rubbed your index fingers together, trying to appear as small as possible.

Lars looked through the rearview mirror, 'Oh man, I thought your husband was just stingy, making you take an Uber.'

'The hel is an ambulance?' Loki snarled.

'Uh dude?' Lars raised his eyebrow.

'Loki don't be mad. It was already enough of a fuss making you come with me to the hospital, I didn't want to make it worse.' You mumbled.

Loki lowered his voice to a hiss, 'Yes instead we're in some strange man's car-'

You opened your mouth to protest but your response was cut off with another sharp cry, tears running down your cheeks.

Loki's annoyance deflated instantly and he pulled you towards him, hugging you tightly and stroking your back soothingly. 'It's alright, you'll be alright, we're almost there.' Loki glanced to the driver, 'How far?'

'Five minutes.'

-

The car pulled into the hospital lot and Loki carried you to the front entrance.

'You should get me a wheelchair,' You muttered, even though you preferred being in his strong arms. You could see Loki's hesitation and wondered if he preferred holding you too. But regardless, as he looked around seeing other sick patients in wheelchairs, Loki complied.

Following the signs to the emergency room, you pointed Loki towards the counter to sign in. The lady at the counter looked down at you in the wheelchair and then at Loki.

'He's my fiance.' You stammered.

Loki blushed, looking down at you then quickly fell into the lie, 'Yes.' He smiled at the lady.

'Right.. Reason for visit?'

'Appendicitis.' Loki explained.

You bit your fist, stifling your cry, gripping your side and huddling over in pain. As you straightened back up, you nodded.

'Fever?'

'103. Friday took it.' You added.

The woman nodded, her fingers typing away. She asked you a few more personal questions, having Loki wheel you back behind the counter to get your blood pressure and pulse taken, confirming your temperature.

'Now just say the word, and we can have your fiance step out at any time.' The attending nurse said, a short round man named Dan. He was bubbly and sweet, cracking jokes and kept your spirits up as he took your vital signs and despite his protective self, even Loki had a slight smile while he was talking to the man.

Instinctively, you reached for Loki's hand. You were laying in a hospital bed now, your blanket folded neatly on Loki's lap. Loki gently reached out to take your hand and you felt yourself more at ease, holding his hand.

'I'd prefer he stayed. I don't want to be alone for the holidays.' You mumbled.

Dan nodded, looking between the two of you and smiling sweetly. 'You two are adorable. Well I'll leave you alone to get changed, hun if you need help, press that red button but I'm sure your honey can help you but I know it's my job so that button calls me right over. So change into the gown so the doctor can check you more easily and then we'll get some bloodwork done and some other tests but based on your symptoms I'm pretty sure you have it bad. We don't think it's burst so there's probably some time yet still. But we're working fast, then we'll get it out of you, have some time for recovery and you'll be on your way and hopefully home in time for Christmas.' Dan smiled warmly, 'shame that it had to have such bad timing for you two, hopefully you didn't have any plans.'

Loki chuckled, squeezing your hand. 'Do you need my assistance, love?'

You blushed as Dan left the room, 'Actually yes... I don't think I can stand.'

Loki swallowed hard, 'Very well. How can I assist?'

'I can leave undergarments on...' You mumbled.

Loki nodded, face pink, looking pointedly away.

'My top I can get, it's the bottoms that will be harder.' You trailed off, mouth dry.

Loki licked his lips.

You cried out softly as you tried to raise your arms above your head to lift off your shirt. Loki sighed, turning around and facing you, looking away as much as possible as he gently pulled your shirt from you, carefully tugging it over your head, mindful of his chilly fingers sliding over your smooth bare skin.

When your head poked free, for a second, your eyes made contact with his. Your mostly bare chest rising and falling, covered only just by the bra you wore. An electrical thin line of contact held your gaze as his green eyes met yours and then the two of you looked away and Loki carefully folded your shirt, setting it on the empty chair next to one he had previously occupied.

Your eyes followed his shoulder blades through the outlines of his coat, watching his body work as he moved. He seemed stiffer than normal, he was usually so fluid in his movements. Slowly he turned back towards you, his voice deeper and rougher, 'Very well,' He began, 'Your bottoms?'

You held the hospital gown to your chest now, covering your exposed abdomen and bra and most of your modesty. It would offer you a better amount of decency for removing your bottoms but still, the act of undressing was still intimate.

Leaning back onto the bed, you used your hands to lift up your hips as Loki tugged at your bottoms, pulling them down your thighs and slowly down your legs. You bit your lip, forcing yourself to stare at the ceiling, too terrified to look at his face. At last your bottoms were off and your legs were bare, save for the long hospital gown that went down past your thighs.

Loki walked past you, folding your bottoms and added that to the pile with your blanket and shirt. Then he returned to your side, settling the hospital blankets on top of you, carefully tucking you in in the most affectionate manner that only your parents had ever shown you. You smiled up at him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

'Thank you.' You whispered.

Loki stroked his hand through your hair, wiping the loose strands from your face, 'Of course.' He smiled tenderly at you. Turning away, he slid his chair closer to the hospital bed that he could better talk to you and sat in silence for a while.

Moments' later, the door opened. Dan walked in, 'Hey there, just going to take some blood and do some tests now, sorry about the wait, Christmastime is always really busy. Thanks for your patience. I'll get the TV turned on so you two can watch some Christmas movies.'

You and Loki chatted some, but mostly you dozed. Some of the Christmas movies you had wanted to watch with Loki came on. Dan came back later with an IV drip, keep your fluids up he said, as food was the last thing you wanted.

Loki seemed half interested in the movies, always staring intently at you.

Laying in bed, finally slightly awake with a glass of ice water, around five in the evening, you sighed. 'So, first day of our winter break huh.'

Loki chuckled, readjusting his position in his seat in the uncomfortable plastic chair. 'I could think of more comfortable ways to spend my time.' He smirked at you.

You winced apologetically. Another wave of stabbing pain ran through your side and you cringed.

Loki straightened up, reaching for your hand.

'I'm fine.' You gasped, settling back down. Slowly sinking back into the bed, you sighed heavily.

'Don't worry yourself,' Loki muttered, 'I didn't have any other plans and well I'm not exactly one to celebrate Christmas so I may as well spend it with you.'

You smiled at him weakly, 'Thanks.'

There was a knock at the door. Dan walked in followed by a tall dark-haired, lean woman.

'Hello there! How are you two doing?' Dan beamed.

The woman looked between the two of you apologetically, 'I'm Doctor Lee, I'm afraid your white blood cell count is high, so you're showing signs of infection. If you'll excuse me.' She stepped forward and moved between Loki and Dan, stepping by you, pulling back the blankets and placing her hand on your side and applying pressure. You cried out, quickly gritting your teeth to silence the noise. 'Given your physical response, the sensitivity to pressure and other tests having narrowed out other possibilities, we think it is likely appendicitis. But I think I should get a CT scan and a MRI just to be sure, I don't want jump to any unnecessary conclusions. What do you think?'

You glanced at Loki, was it possible that Tony Stark's highly advanced AI was wrong? Possibly. Should you bring it up? Probably best to wait on random surgery until absolutely necessary. 'Yea, I'll do the scans.'

Dr. Lee looked at Loki, 'You'll have to wait here. Maybe go to the cafeteria for some dinner? It's on the fifth floor, just follow the signs, you can't miss it.'

Loki glanced at you, for guidance. 'What do you think, love?'

Dan cut in, 'Then again, it'll probably only be about fifteen minutes.'

Dr. Lee nodded, 'Good point, it'll be quite short. Just wait here, sir, we'll have her back in a moment, don't worry, we'll keep her safe.'

Loki eyed her darkly before nodding stiffly.

Dr. Lee walked out of the room followed by Dan.

Loki turned once more and gripped your hand, smoothing his thumb over your hand worriedly. 'I hate Midgardian technology.'

'A lot of this stuff is donated by Stark, I think, it's pretty good quality.'

'Even worse.'

'Loki.'

Loki muttered darkly.

'I'll be fine.'

Loki sighed and nodded, 'They just cut out your organ and toss it away.'

'I'm sure they're a little more thoughtful with it.'

Loki looked at you pointedly.

You didn't know how you became the one comforting him. 'Loki I'll be fine.'

The door opened and a new nurse walked in, 'Hey, I'm Tracy, I'll be the one taking you for your imaging. Appendicitis? That's rough, I had a sister who had that.'

Tracy chatted the whole way to the imaging rooms. She was young but sweet, commenting on your cute fiance, and gushing about how lucky you were to have him, lamenting over her recent breakup but in a way that made you feel for her. She never learned she said, but you found yourself liking her and almost wishing you could be friends with her still even after your short peek into her life.

The CT scan was a short simple image, you laid in your bed, slid into the tube and the pictures were taken. It was loud but nothing too terrible, then you were on your way.

The MRI on the other hand was uproariously loud and claustrophobic. The tube felt like it was crushing in around you and its giant gaping tons of metal would collapse on you while you were inside it and the hospital would forget about you and no one would ever come looking for you.

Except Loki.

You smiled at the thought of Loki angrily tearing apart the banging, wrenching machine, demanding you be brought out from the wreckage.

Despite the headphones and music of your choice to cancel out some of the noise, it was stupendously loud, banging and shaking and rattling your brain to the very stem. You didn't have a headache before but you did now.

You returned to your fantasy of Loki destroying the loud machine and decided that he would somehow save you alive from it, alive and happy and together. Your smile grew.

Slowly you were tugged back out from the banging, wrenching, machine and pulled back to your bed, Tracy chatting and greeting you once more. You smiled up at her, raising your hand in a halfhearted greeting, tired and spent from your trip to the angry yelling MRI beast. Longing for sleep, you nodded and agreed with her, trying to be supportive but really just feeling in pain.

Then, the door opened and you were back in your room.

Loki looked up, his face lighting up as he saw you slide back into the room.

Tracy smiled looking at him, 'There you go, all yours.' She waved at the two of you and walked back out of the room.

'How was it?' Loki asked, scooting his chair back towards you.

You rest your arm over your face, 'Loud.'

Loki, having no idea what you were talking about, took your hand in his and simply held it sympathetically. 'I worried about you.'

'Thank you.'

'I pictured you breaking the machine.' You giggled.

'Are you delirious?' Loki asked.

'I think sleep deprived.'

Loki nodded slowly. 'Erm, very well.'

'Sorry.'

'You're fine.'

The door opened and Dr. Lee walked in, 'Alright, we're going to get you moved out of the ER since we're confirmed it's appendicitis, and need to clear up beds for ER patients, and this is going to be more of an extended stay thing, but yes, you're results are confirmed. So if you can gather up her things, sir. We're going to move you to the main wing.'

Dan walked in behind Dr. Lee, 'I'll be pushing you there, it was nice meeting you two. Hope you get to feeling better. Good luck on the wedding and Merry Christmas! Off we go!'

'Just like that.' Loki said.

'The OR is currently setting up, but we have to make room in the ER, so we're going to get you situated while it's setting up and as soon as the OR is available we can operate.'

Loki nodded slowly, 'Good. Good then.'

Dr. Lee smiled, 'Thank you for being understanding.'

Dan pushed your bed off at a breakneck speed, zooming around corners as Loki rushed to keep up, having no clue where he was going in the labyrinth that was the hospital. Eventually you found yourselves in a new room inside a new wing, fortunate to be in a single patient room.

Dan saluted you and Loki before turning and hurrying back to the ER.

It was around six now and Loki set your things down on window ledge before looking around the room that was vaguely decorated for Christmas.

'Oh look, Loki, there's a recliner.'

Loki looked at the large chair and raised his eyebrow before tentatively sitting down and leaning back, his legs shooting forward as he was finally able to sit comfortably. He sighed and smiled, 'Well this is an improvement.'

You smiled tiredly at him, gritting your teeth as another wave of pain went through you.

Loki stood up, sitting on the bed and resting his hand on yours. 'You'll get through this.'

You nodded, beat and exhausted.

A soft knock came from the door, 'Hi, I'm your nurse Kristin, I have some painkillers for you. Dr Lee said she didn't want you to have any earlier today, I know it's stupid but she was worried it would mess with the test results. It's cruel hun, but sometimes they come back weird.' She shook her head and pursed her lips, holding up the syringe, 'Let's get some of this into you.'

You looked at her like an angel.

Loki pulled away from you, moving to the side so Kristin could properly reach your iv.

The flood of cold fluids burned into your hand for a moment, drawing some of the sensation of pain from your side and slowly easing the pain in your side. Your head lolled back and you sighed eyes fluttering.

'It's just a little vicodin, nothing too much, but it should help the pain considerably. When it's closer to operating time, I'll come back and get you prepped, alright?'

You nodded, 'Alrigh'.' You smiled up at her. 'Thanks.'

Loki chuckled and shook his head.

'Now press that red button if you need help, ok?'

You nodded, 'Ok.'

'Thank you, nurse.' Loki murmured.

Kristin left the room and Loki was left standing over you, staring down at you as you laid back in the bed, finally feeling in less pain.

'Truly a pity they couldn't give that to you sooner.' Loki muttered.

'No shit.' You mumbled back, blinking groggily. 'I think you could punch me and I wouldn't feel it.'

Loki raised his eyebrow.

'Well not you, but like, Tony. Well, fine, maybe I don't know... Pepper. She takes cheap shots though. Mariah. How about Mariah? I'd say Mariah, she's trained to punch hard, probably won't take a cheap shot, and doesn't have any super soldier serum in her.'

'Yes that's fair. We really are on short supply of regular humans these days.'

'No kidding.'

In less than fifteen minutes, filled with amicable chatter between you and Loki, Kristen returned.

'Alright!' Kristen announced, 'The OR is almost ready, let's get you pre-op ready. I'm going to give you some really strong painkillers and the anesthesiologist will be here shortly.'

As if on cue, another woman walked in, pushing a small cart with a mask and a myriad of tools on it.

Loki looked upright as he had moved back to the recliner, watching everything from his seat.

'I'm Trish.' The anesthesiologist introduced herself, putting the mask to your face. 'It takes a little bit for this to kick in and then we'll wheel you there. We figured you'd be calmer with your fiance here. And he can't be in the OR so,' She trailed off, looking over to Loki.

Loki was on his feet instantly, across the room and by your side, holding your hand. 'What can I do?'

Trish smiled, 'Just being here for her is fine. Once she's good and loopy, we recommend you get some food and some rest, it'll be a while before she's back. Cafeteria is on the fifth floor so feel free to get some food there.'

Loki nodded, 'Right, of course.' He smoothed his thumb over the back of your hand, gently stroking your hand as he held yours.

You smiled up at his slowly feeling harder to concentrate as you focused on him. Blinking several times, vision going out of focus, you stared up at him, feeling the world swirl and sway. Your mouth went slack as you gazed up at him. 'Loki.' You mumbled happily, gripping his hand with both of yours and squeezing it.

You could distantly make out the nurses warning him to keep his hand, and by association your hands, away from your face and the mask, but that didn't matter.

You gasped softly, 'Loki's here? Loki came?' You gushed, tears brimming in your eyes.

Loki used his free hand to wipe away your tears, 'Yes, I'm here, love, it's alright.'

'He called me love!' You looked over at the nurses, 'Did you hear that, he called me love! Loki came for me. I love you Loki. You're my favorite and I love you.'

Loki blushed, gently patting your forehead. 'It's alright, dear.' He chuckled.

Trish chuckled, 'She's a sweetheart.'

Loki nodded, still allowing you to squeeze and hug his hand to oblivion. His gaze softened as he looked down at you, your grip slackening.

'Favorite.' You murmured, dozing off.

-

Loki watched as they pushed you out of the room, slowly sinking back into his seat, gazing at the lingering touch of your hand on his. She had called him his favorite.

-

-

Your eyes slowly opened and you groaned, moaning in pain as the painkillers wore off. You heard the soft shuffle of fabric and felt someone taking your hand, 'Gentle now, careful, I'm with you.'

'Loki?' You blinked away the bleariness of your vision.

'Drink.'

A straw was pressed to your lips and you obliged, cold ice water spilling down your parched throat and running into your stomach. You sighed heavily at the first sips, 'Thanks.'

'How are you feeling?'

'I hurt, but, surprisingly less than before.'

Loki nodded, holding the cup near enough that you could reach for it easily but not too close to be obnoxious. He smoothed back your hair from your face. 'I'm glad you're well.'

'Did you get food?'

'Yes. A nurse chased me out during your surgery.' Loki looked away sheepishly.

You reached for his hand. 'I'm glad.'

'I'm just glad you're well.'

You laughed weakly, 'You said that.'

'I mean it.'

'Thanks.' You sighed, 'What'd you eat?'

'Clam chowder? I think, it's hard to tell.'

You laughed, 'Hospital food, always can count on it.'

'It's good to hear you laughing.' Loki touched your thigh gently and smiled.

You felt a deep flush heat your face. Opening your mouth to respond, you stopped, 'Do you hear that?'

Loki listened, 'I believe that's your cell phone?'

You felt yourself pale. 'Loki, how long has that been going off?'

'I haven't really paid attention to it.'

'Shit. Shit. Shit.'

Loki stood up and reached for it amongst your things, before handing it to you.

'23 Missed calls. 137 text messages.' You stared at the phone blankly.

'Who is it from?' Loki asked.

The hospital room door opened. 'Ironman.' Tony Stark walked in. 'Seriously, are you freaking kidding me? I leave you alone for like twelve hours and you get appendicitis?' Tony looked between you and Loki. 'Also only twenty of those calls are mine, and like 85 of those texts. I kinda sorta told everyone that you were in the hospital.'

You were lying in bed scrolling through your phone trying to focus your dazed brain and view the text messages and missed calls.

Loki had pulled away the moment he heard Tony's footsteps at the door.

'Tony...' You groaned dragging out his name. 'It's Christmas, you didn't seriously drag everyone away from their holiday.'

'I did not, I just alerted everyone that a team member was in the hospital for the holiday, if they choose to be shitty and not drop everything for a team member in need, that's on them.'

'Loki help me out.' You glanced at Loki.

Tony looked at Loki, 'Well when I was looking for what room you were in, I was told you were in this one, with your fiance so what sort of holiday fake dating trope-ery is this?'

You and Loki made eye contact, flushing before looking back at Tony and yelling angrily, both in denial and arguing at him that he was intruding and overstepping.

Tony held up his hands, 'Alright, alright, love birds I see I stepped on some toes. I guess you're not ready for things to be official.'

'I'm going to murder you Stark.' You muttered.

'You love me, kiddo.' Tony replied with a wink, 'Now I'm going to raid the gift shop and get this place full of well wishing goodness. Let's see the enroute status of the others and see how this Christmas party plays out, and then see how long before we can spring you. Oh and did I seriously hear that you two ordered an Uber instead of an ambulance to get here, seriously? I'm Tony freakin Stark and you guys took an Uber to the hospital?'

You winced, 'Merry Christmas?'

Loki sighed and leaned down, kissing your cheek, 'Merry Christmas, love.'

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also i’ve been mulling over the “we’re Living ex machina!!!!” line and like, it still doesn’t make sense Really, but here’s my Afternoon Musings i guess

i’ve only actually seen ex machina once like 3 years ago but as i remember it goes a little something like This: some rando white-collar programmer guy has like, won a contest where the prize is to go hang out for maybe a few days or a week or so with this ~visionary genius~ tech dude played by oscar isaac at oscar isaac tech dude’s off-the-grid reclusive mansion or whatever.......i thiiiink the Protag Programmer won b/c his programming submission was Really Good but also maybe there’s a [randomly selected] element to it, or maybe we Think it was partly random selection but then learn it was actually All “yeah i chose you b/c your coding was the Best,” idk. doesn’t really matter but anyway yeah protag guy gets helicoptered in to the oscar isaac genius bro’s secret mansion 

oscar isaac soon reveals he has this advanced ai android whomst he wants the Protagonist to study / turing test, and the protagonist does that, but during one Conversation Session with this android (who is named ava i think? and designed to Look Like a Woman oo) like the lights turn off and ava-i-think informs the protagonist she’s found a Weakness in the mansion’s security system and hackt it so that the power (and thus the Security / Monitoring Systems) shut down for a minute like this but could feasibly be thought of as a glitch and anyways she’s like yeah i have feelings and thoughts and i want to Not Be Trapped here, ya gotta help me out here buddy, and then yknow ooh the systems come back on, oscar isaac can Observe them again, intrigue.....tl;dr protag and ava keep having these short secret convos and Do plan to break her out, there’s this dramatic moment where oscar isaac (who’s natch been acting weirder and more erratic as the plot unfolds) confronts the protag after the protag has just like, tried to get him blackout smashed by Hanging Out With Him lmfao and oscar isaac is like “ooh i knew you were planning to break her out, i’m gonna stop you guys though haha pwned” but then oh further twist, turns out ava and protag Knew that was the case and were thinking one step ahead and idk but yeah they break her out and oscar isaac dies but ooh further twist!!! ava locks the protag (or well, just Does Not Unlock, As Planned) in some room and leaves the mansion and gets on the Helicopter meant to take the protag back to wherever after the planned end of his stay. and the protag is just stuck there b/c everyone else is dead and presumably he dies as ava gets to exist in the outside world now, idk, we don’t need ex machina 2 where he’s escaped or smthing lmao

and i do NOT get what winston is comparing their situation to lmfao. like, oh rian is like an advanced ai android??? if anything, her being the more like ~true believer in High Finance as a means of socially beneficial effect~ vs winston like, having the supposedly cutthroat and cold Math approach would make Him more of the ~oh no more a robot than a person~ (though i think it’s Ambiguous whether we wanna judge ava as more Scary Bad or Sympathetic).........you can’t even really make the connection that “oh no we’re being deliberately Replaced!!” b/c if winston is [protag programmer rando] and rian is [ava] and wendy is, i guess oscar isaac then, uhhhh oscar isaac most definitely did Not intend to ~replace~ the protag with ava, he very much wanted her trapped in his mansion still........and the protagonist Only got “replaced” by ava in the sense that she took his place on the helicopter out of the reclusive secret mansion. i really doubt she planned to, or would even be able to, like take over his identity/life beyond that.....certainly not his job lol like, coworkers are gonna notice you’re a different person, there was no implication the androids can like oh shapeshift their appearance or whatever, and no implications about what ava even intended to do in the Outside World which is kind of bemusing b/c like, what of the Practical Questions of being an android and needing whatever Fuel Source a robot does, idk that might’ve been addressed or smthing like “oh yeah they can just Eat,” also she clearly does not Trust People considering her only company was evil oscar isaac creator and she wasn’t interested in bringing the protag along, plus yknow the fact that she Did deliberately manipulate the protag into thinking that she wanted to escape into the world With him........but not like i guess she has any choice for any other world to escape into but the one with all the people where she pretends to be an organic human

like there is just NO point of comparison where these situations line up unless you get soooooooo like broad strokes about ex machina that you’d do better to compare your experience to Anything else lmao. like, does winston think she’s some like, ideal advanced version of him?? like you might consider a crafted AI android to be?? i don’t know but i mean i think we have a more feasible explanation for why he’s so Insistent about this totally being Ex Machina, if only b/c as a straightforward comparison i swear to god it doesn’t work lmfao None of these points line up at all with any significance that’s worth insisting on

given that winston’s Apparently Canonically meant to be crushing on rian, and we have his example of ribbing her by calling her “gal gadot’s quirky sister” which is like, okay so the dunk is “you look similar to this famous a-lister who everyone thinks is pretty” and “also you’re quirky, boom” like, i think that could easily be meant as like, a Tell that winston already ~likes~ her.............aaaand it’s also somewhat ~ambiguous~ but i mean i think it’s safe to say that in Ex Machina you may understand the protag as having Fallen For the ai android lady. so maybe we can Understand this invocation of ex machina as being like “ooh person meant to replace me is Attractive but ultimately i think this Overall Situation is a bad thing i shouldn’t feel this way i resent it” like, a bit of a Reach, but honestly it’s way more of a reach to think about applying anything else about this scenario to ex machina, so i could v much believe that the thought that went behind writing this is once again, like, “okay winston’s invoking one thing on the surface level here, but simultaneously he’s already (inadvertently probably) acknowledging like oh also i have a crush on her already”

between this episode seeming to be Setup and the [winston has a Canon crush] and the fact that it probably seems like They Will Fuck A Nonzero Number Of Times or Make Out At Least But It’s Billions So, Might Get A Humorous Cut To [Postcoital] Or A Scene Where They Arrive At Work Together Short Of Breath With Messy Hair  And Hickies And Winston’s Got A Hoodie W/ “Property Of Rian” On It Until He Goes "Oh Shit Woops” And Hands It To Her And She’s Like “Oh Btw You Forgot Your Glasses.....Uh You Left Them Here On Your Desk Yesterday I Mean Of Course” And Hands Them To Him And An Unnamed Character Stands Up And Asks “Daily Poll: Who Had Sex With A Coworker Last Night” And Rian And Winston Raise Their Hands Before Going “Oh Wait” And Lowering Them With A Shake Of The Head And A Nervous Cough and i’m exaggerating but you know, the equivalent of the billions writing saying “wwinnnk” at us. i am fine with them having an unsolemn like, quasi-rivals-to-lovers (or -And-lovers) dynamic, even with it being a bit messy in like, still an overall Fun way, where yknow it doesn’t have to be peak epic romance cuz a) that’s just Always true and yet it can still be overall an okay thing even if they don’t quite get it together / mostly just trade sparks and sometimes hook up and b) idk seems like mayybe rian’s character isn’t meant to go beyond this season, so, an inherent limit there if true

i’m like Apologetic for being like “already i like their dynamic even as Romantique and it’s kinda cute and fun and i’m willing to continue to be engaged w/ this as long as the writing doesn’t completely fuck it up” lmao like, i guess i Did inadvertently give myself time to prepare for this exact eventuality b/c of wondering if this exact character would have A Thing w/ winston whenever she showed up and even if i was like “haha the character could show up Anywhere and do Anything and what are the odds, right” i was also like “hmm but i’m going to really think about it though” like, as always, didn’t think i was cassandraing that hard, but truly did do it 4x03 style where everyone else can be like “you never [made the text post or gave any indication you were thinking about “what if whoever she plays and winston have some kind of romance thing going on”]” and i can go “i only thought it but didn’t say it....doesn’t count” but well. i did think it lmao and why would i make it up.......sorry i had such a head start on Getting More Used To This Notion.......some crimes can never be forgiven.meme.......

anyways natch “intense horrible passionate” seems a little foreboding but maybe she was talking about it relative to [any Normal show] rather than the standards we’re used to on billions, where this was all but a Meet Cute, and a kind of quasi coworker rivalry where nobody’s taking it *that* deeply seriously and they also seem to mutually like each other by the end of 5x05 already so how not-amicable can it get. and re: Intense like, maybe the writing in future episodes will totally upend this, but i’d say rian and winston in 5x05, even when “clashing,” was like damn near laidback and chill. neither of them seem at all that pressed, but maybe even a sorta-playful Friendly Rivalry is more “intense” than, say, a dynamic that involves no rivalry at all. imo “Passionate” is just like, okay, so they’ll fuck or at least make out? sure. not sure what to make of “horrible” lmfao maybe again it’s addressing like “this is a lil messy and they’re kinda rivals!!!” like, certainly not an ideal start, except by billions standards it IS weirdly great. rian seeming good-naturedly amused by winston is something we didn’t get from his longtime-coworkers until like, now, sort of, and still not to the degree that anyone has smiled at him as many times as rian did in like that course of [1 min long First Scene Together] wherein also winston always gets off to a way worse start with people lmao............like everything about this seems Way Better And More Dialed Back And Grounded than usual, actually. but it’s that like, point of reference of “what’s Usual for winston and, more broadly, Billions” that maybe explains this weirdly strong language when all in 5x05 seemed chill actually

anyways like i said Sorry For Already Liking Rian/Winston This Much with my head start and all where like, i’m even tentatively looking forward to seeing where this goes, by “tentative” i also mean going [”i’ll kill you” the office.jpg] at billions where i am fully aware that maybe where this goes *is* a mess and not in like, just kind of a fun, non-melodramatic, not-treated-like-a-total-joke-but-also-not-that-big-a-deal way, where 5x05 could seem like Those Halcyon Days b/c everything from here out just devolves into an unappealing disaster.......but this is an unexpectedly solid start imo and like. even if this doesn’t become like this epic romance where they officially date and if rian does eventually depart the show by the end of the season, it can still just be Enjoyable and Fun for the characters and, god forbid, the viewers, where like, you don’t have to demand we be desperately invested with our entire life in this deadly serious heartwrenching epic romance, they can just kind of mess around and enjoy having a mutual attraction w/ this mathy rivalry and etc and it’s neither a tragedy of “the greatest love story of all time torn asunder” Or, truly god forbid,” this is a Whole Mess In A Bad Way b/c winston’s involved and ugh who could Really like him, being at all romantically entangled is an embarrassing mistake surely, ew cringe we hate him............like, cautiously optimistic in how like i always say that a Romantic Arc is just an easy/efficient way to develop both characters and it could certainly humanize winston an ounce in a show that treats him more like a walking algorithmic plot device and the thoughts of any viewers but us are limited to “winston annoying” basically........the show doesn’t seem to treat rian as a joke, so it seems possible that their mutual Romance in whatever way it unfolds could also be Not A Joke, which means winston’s part in it isn’t a joke, so that’s Some aspect of him for people to take seriously, for once..........like, the way his apparently-already-official crush played out in 5x05 *was* funny but it also didn’t seem like oh it’s a joke b/c his feelings are a total joke......it might seem that way if this *was* totally unrequited and going nowhere, but i somewhat get the sense that the interest is mutual even by the end of the ep, that didn’t strike me as a “shove off, it could Never Happen” shutdown from rian there, just like, hold off on that for rn maybe cue to rein it in a little, not just yet........anyways lmao i’m like “oh yeah i started this post about the baffling ex machina thing” but yeah the point is i think so far it’s pretty solid and i like it and am cautiously but [relative-to-billions level of Hopeful] about whatever developments we’re surely gonna get b/c it def sounds like this has Not ended with 5x05, but seriously @ billions i swear to god. yes so far the approach to winston’s crush here and even their unfolding mutual dynamique and dare i say, romantic interest, is being handled with an encouraging level of “this is Humorous but the characters / their feelings are not what’s being treated as A Total Joke or anything,” but who knows what will come next, this is billions and you can’t predict anything. fingers crossed about it all, though

[bluepluto03]

mcu spiderman rewrite/au i may or may not do

ok so first quick disclaimer! i do not hate the mcu spider man movies in any way!! i actually enjoy them quite a bit and have seen homecoming like 4 times! and i absolutely adore all the actors in the movies, especially tom, zendaya, and jacob 

but the problem w/ the mcu spiderman movies is,,, they’re just not spiderman. at least from a writing/thematic perspective, which sucks bc so much other stuff about them is great! like tom holland is the perfect peter parker, which is why it seems so close to being right, but with the way the script is actually written... it’s just. not spider-man. 

i feel the need to explain all this/my problems w/ the movies b4 i get into the actuall au idea/plot, so please bear with me for a sec

for context, I’ve loved spiderman my whole life. i’d watch the cartoons when i was younger, and then went back and watched them all again when i was a bit older and figured out how to pirate stuff lol. i didn’t really know how to get into the comics, so i just kinda read wikis and got second-hand info from fanfics and the other movies

to me, spiderman, (at least, peter parker spiderman,) was always about like... a kid, who saw the world was broken and fixed it because he could. he had the power to fix stuff, so he did. 

as a kid w/ mental illness and a not so great home life... that was something really really important to me. to see another kid out there, who’s been through some shit, but finally has the power to make stuff better, so he is! and it would make me think, maybe i can change stuff for the better, someday, if i just get my chance

but,,,,, the problem is mcu peter parker isn’t that. 

instead of becoming spiderman bc he knows there’s bad in the world and wants to fix it, suddenly his motivation is impressing tony stark?? and don’t get me wrong i don’t hate tony, but the way they wrote his and peter’s relationship basically trapped peter. he could no longer be his own hero, bc he was tony’s successor. and that's never who peter parker’s spiderman was?? he was never a follower, he was a trendsetter. he didn’t become spiderman for approval, hell he had dozens of newspapers constantly slandering him. 

honestly the following in someone else’s footsteps thing was always a miles morales thing. he had to step up to the plate and fill the shoes of a spiderman who had already existed for years and was beloved by the whole city. obviously thats not all he is and simplifying his character to that is incredibly obtuse, but i bring it up bc tbh alot of stuff w/ mcu peter parker is just straight-up ripped off from miles morales. like how peter now goes to a fancy private school, is no longer poor (which is a huge thing w/ peter parker’s character in like every other incarnation), has a living father figure, and is bffs w/ ned, who is a straight-up rip off of miles’s best friend ganke. (for the record tho i adore ned and jacob i’m def keeping him in my rewrite,,,, also i’m glad he’s in the movie bc having a plus sized poc protagonist thats not constantly mocked is incredible) 

so, i’m complaining about all this stuff lol but ur probably wondering how exactly how i wanna fix it lol,,,, 

first, give peter an arc thats more than just..... i want tony to believe in me. my idea for that is basically a type of thing where he learns to rely on others! bc like... peter isn’t good at working w/ others lol, he’d much rather do it all himself so no one else gets hurt. (like in the andrew garfield movies where he just,,,, webs his gf to a car so she can’t run into danger lmao) 

the plot would start at a similar ish position to homecoming, though tony never recruits peter for civil war. tbh not sure if it even happened but we’ll disscuss that later

peter’s been spiderman for a few months, after a trip to oscorp left him w/ a radioactive spider bite. currently no one knows about it, and he’s doing a pretty ok job of dealing w/ everything on his own. until he takes down a big bad, lets say rhino for now, and gains a ton of publicity. after stooping a hudge disaster he’s suddenly in the limelight, and catches the attention of one norman osborn, aka the green goblin 

now, quick sidenote. green goblin is genreally seen as pretty goofy, but there are comic versions of him that are legit terrifying. if im being honest i didn’t even know about that version until i read aloneintherains fic birds eating other birds so ig thats kinda ish how i’m imagining this version of norman? though alot more composed, like the man who could someday turn into that 

so norman becomes intrested in my boy peter, and starts sending ppl after him. possibly the sinister 6, but uhh maybe not bc tbh i think this “rewrite” needs to be split into 2 “movies”/works and i might wanna save that for the hypothetical pt2 (btw if i write this it won’t b for a while cause i got other stuff going on but ig if ppl are intrested i might write some snippits/make more content for it) 

so basically the main plot is peter dealing w/ all these big bads on his own, doing ok at first but later getting really fucked up, and eventually revealing himself to ned and mj which ends up being the only way he can save the day in the end. by relying on others! yay!! 

thats it for the main plot, but don’t worry y’all we got other stuff going on too lmao 

so, for one. my boy peter is realizing he has a crush and just,,,, freaking tf out. (i have yet to decide if it’s on ned or mj. or both. sue me) the crush isn’t definitely resolved in p1, but i imagine there’d be some cute thing of him suddenly realizing and freaking out and almost revealing his powers. 

thing 2! tony stark! he is still in here, and still a mentor to peter, but in a pretty drastically different way. one, he doesn't know about peter being spiderman. he doesn't even suspect it lmao. he just gets involved bc of.... some sort of reason bc peter is so smart. do i know why just yet? no. does it matter? probably but i’m writing this pretty late after i had school all day so i’m too tired to care 

bc tony basically gives peter a real internship/mentorship type thing, peter now has access to all this tech!! and all these funds!! fucking lit!! so he changes from his pajama suit to the fancy one, tho he actually built it!! which i feel like him making his suit is a really big really important part of his character. so it doesn't really have all those random things tony added, tho peter might add stuff himself. he gets Karan as a like assistant ai as part of his internship but she never gets put into the suit

for the fist part tony plays a super minor role but like,,,, the first part is about osborn taking an intrest in him, and him confiding in ned and mj. the second part norman is become progressively more dangorus and peter has to fight him and stuff, kinda proving he is strong enough to be spiderman/be trusted to the whole world, beyond just ned and mj. also him actually getting together w/ either one or both of them bc...... bc i want that. 

oh btw idk if tony finds out or not in p2? if he does it’s either at the end or in a scene like the one w/ may bc like. please imagine the shenanigans of peter and ned (who both have high intellegence but low wisdom) in tony’s lab, obviously trying to hide the fact that peter’s spiderman. like he walks in on them and peter looks all frumpy bc he’s been trying to change real fast, and ned’s shirt is messed up bc he just stuffed the mask down the front of it, and mj is just. chilling behing them. so tony just like assumes stuff and is like....aight.... have fun.... 

oh btw the last big change that i didn’t really have anyway to insert natrually into this,,,, so remember how i said ned was kinda a ripoff of ganke? well, the writers claim he’s a “composite character” so i figured, why not give him traits from other famous spiderman side character so he actually is a composite character! 

so like,,,, throughout p1 it’s referenced that ned has a kinda dickish estranged ish dad that he hates and his mom doesn't really like but kinda forces him too... theres some mentions of his dad wanting him to transfer to a private school and being kinda rich, bur he dosen’t want to bc he knows his dad is a total dickead,,,, anyway end of the movie we find out norman osborn is ned’s dad, and ned hates him even fucking more bc it’s like bitch?? u tried to get my (maybe) bf murdered?? tf?? and its lowkey bc he can’t reveal peter’s id, but then in p2 after norman takes matters into his own hands and tries to kill peter on his own ned just fucking yells at him while the man is in jail and is like fuck u lmao 

soooo thats my really messy au idea!! i’m really tired sorry if this is hard to understand or rude! for the record i have nothing against the ppl who adore these movie’s, i just think they could be better! 

[emperorsfoot]

In this chapter, Scorpia gets a song. It’s an IRL song, and you can listen to it here: Twiddle 

...

“Do you know any other songs?” Scorpia asked.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Sea Hawk’s personal theme song. It was just that listening to it for days in a row was making her kinda, sorta… absolutely hate that song.

Emily warmed up her pain plasma gun and fired a warning shot off the port side of the ship, then pivoted on her immobile leg to stare down the musical pirate.

Scorpia placed a calming pincer on the bot’s dome. “I think what Emily is trying to say is that we’ve heard that one a lot, and if you don’t know any other songs, maybe we should just sail in silence for a bit.”

Looking out across the water at the wake created by Emily’s warning shot, Sea Hawk swallowed awkwardly. The refurbished Horde bot was highly opinionated and not shy about expressing herself. He looked to Scorpia, seeking a compromise. “Alright, well, do you know any sea shanties?”

Taping a pincer against her lips, Scorpia thought. “Well, I did hear one sung around Redwater Bay once…”

A Horde song.

Sea Hawk was concerned. That did not stop him from plastering a crud-eating grin on his face and suggesting, “Well, why don’t you sing for a bit.”

“Really!?” It was wrong how excited the former Horde Force Captain sounded at the suggestion. “You’ll let me sing? And you won’t get annoyed. Or tell me I need to focus. Or remind me that we’re on a mission and have a job to do. Or ask how I’m a Force Captain.” She wasn’t a Force Captain anymore. “Or anything like that?”

“I won’t.” Sea Hawk promised. He did, however, move across the deck to the helm –the complete opposite end of the ship form her- under the pretext of checking the wind and their heading. He had no idea what this Horde shanty was going to be and he liked to have an excuse ready on hand to politely ask her to stop if need be. “Let’s hear it.”

Scorpia cleared her throat and tried to remember the lyrics.

“Oh you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailors and their sport. About how every sailor has a girl in every port. But if you added two and two, you'd figure out right quick, it's just because the girls all have a lad on every ship.”

Sea Hawk raised an eyebrow. It didn’t seem all that bad. Certainly much more tame and cute compared to what he was expecting from a song sung in the Fright Zone’s Redwater Bay. He was far less apprehensive and in better spirits when Scorpia launched into the chorus.

“And it's twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai. “Twiddle ee ai dee ei. “It's often times a man will leave you broken with dismay. “And it's twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai. “Twiddle ee ai dee ei. “There's other things to twiddle when the men have sailed away.”

Wait… Sea Hawk straightened at the helm, not quite sure if he was disliking this song now for entirely different reason that had nothing to do with the Horde. This song wasn’t about… what he thought it was about… was it?

“Lucky Annie was a lady who'd been pleased by many men. “They all would sail away but then they'd come right back again. “But if they never sailed her way she really didn't care. “Cause she knows you don't need a man to twiddle under there.”

Oh. Yeah. This song was totally about what Sea Hawk thought it was about. Sea Hawk plastered that crap-eating grin back on his face, hoping Scorpia would assume he was enjoying himself and he thought about Mermista and how she didn’t really seem to enjoy his company unless she needed something from him, and even then, she acted like he was a great inconvenience. She certainly never needed him to… ‘twiddle under there’, as the song said.

“So next time you're with a lady and she takes you to her bed, “Be sure to please her well, and remember what we've said. “For if you do not treat her right, then know that this is true: “Us ladies all can have our fun without involving you!”

Scorpia ran through the chorus two more times before the song ended. She looked up at the rest of the crew, to gauge her song’s reception. She hadn’t sung –anything- in years, and this little sea chanty she barely remembered the lyrics too wasn’t exactly her best work. She hoped she didn’t do too bad.

Emily let out an odd sort of digital chirping sound that might have been clapping. She certainly seemed to have liked it.

Sea Hawk just kept up that crap-eating grin. “That was… not what I was expecting from a Horde song.”

Reaching up a pincer, Scorpia scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “Well, the Fright Zone’s only been under Hordak’s control for about twenty years or so. Before that, my family was the ruling power of the territory. The Fright Zone had its own culture, and art, and music, and folktales, and all that fun stuff.”

That crud-eating grin melted away, morphing into an expression of empathy. Not unlike what they shared during their time in the Northern Reach. “The Queendom of Scorpiones, right?” Sea Hawk vaguely remembered seeing an old pre-Horde map in a rubbish heap in Salineas wherein the Fright Zone was labeled ‘Scorpiones’. “What was it like?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I was only, like, a year old when my mother abdicated and gifted Hordak with the Black Garnet as a display of fealty.” She explained. “I don’t actually have any memories of the Fright Zone before the Horde. Just what older people tell me.”

That was so sad! Sea Hawk felt himself begin to tear-up. He wanted to sing another song to lighten the mood and maybe lift Scorpia’s spirits.

Except Scorpia didn’t really seem all that upset about it. Like she said, she had no memories of Scorpiones before it became ‘the Fright Zone’. She didn’t feel like she’d ‘lost’ anything. As far as she was concerned there was nothing to have lost. It was hard to carry nostalgia for a place or time you never saw. There was no feeling of hiraeth.

Scorpia only shrugged. Almost as if she didn’t even care that much. “Nations rise and fall all the time. I heard the Crimson Wastes used to be a lush woodsy Queendom before it was turned into the desert it is now. Dryl used to be an industrial mining dystopia built on the backs of slaves before Entrapta took over. Lonnie’s in charge of the Fright Zone now and is already rebuilding it in the image of what she thinks an efficient military state should be. Countries change hands and then just change in general. That’s the way things are.”

“But the Fright Zone used to be your family’s Queendom.” Sea Hawk reminded her. “Don’t you. I donno… wanna take it back? I mean, now that Hordak’s out of the picture. That places you back in power, right?”

Tapping her pincer on her lips again, Scorpia thought about that. Her in charge of the Fright Zone. Her responsible for all that technology and industry. All the weapons and vehicles. The cities and the land. The soldiers, and the workers, the people in general. She compared it to her own experiences as a Force Captain, commanding and managing vehicles and soldiers on a smaller scale. She remembered that one day she went almost out of her mind trying to find armor for soldiers that refused to fight so that Catra could plan an attack that never ended up happening.

Scorpia shook her head. “Nah. I’m a field commander. I work best out in the open and with small groups. I don’t think I could rule a whole territory.” She admitted. “Let Lonnie keep the Fright Zone. She already seems like she’s doing a better job than I ever could or Hordak ever did. She smart and adaptable, and I’m…” for some reason the image of Catra threatening her with a stun baton flashed through her mind “…slow. I’m slow at figuring things out. With people.”

That was a sobering comment and it made Sea Hawk pause and look inward at himself and his own relationships with people. “I’m slow at that too.” He finally concluded. “Mermista only ever wanted to spend time with me what she needed something from me. She wasn’t manipulative about it or anything. She flat out told me, in words, ‘no you’re just my ride’ and I ignored it and only heard what I wanted to hear. Until, finally, she wouldn’t even let me hang out at the palace when she had her friends over.”

“I guess, people are kind like nations.” Scorpia muttered. “People act differently depending on who they’re with, just like countries are different depending on who’s in charge. Catra was always so angry whenever we’d run into Adora. But when she was with me, or Lonnie, Kyle and the team, she was better. Calmer. More social. Less discontent. People change depending on who they’re with just like countries do.”

They lapsed into a forlorn silence. Both reflecting on how the people they loved were different around other people. Or how they themselves were different depending on who they were with.

Emily gave a sober little trill. Even she recognized that she had been different before she met Entrapta.

The people a person –or robot- meets change them. Sometimes only temporarily, sometimes only for the space of that meeting. Or, sometimes, irrevocably for the rest of their lives. It all depended on the people and the meeting.

“Catra always wanted to win.” Scorpia announced without prompting. “But she didn’t actually want to be happy.” A pensive frown. “I think, if I’m going to try liking someone again, I need to find someone who wants to be happy.”

Sea Hawk paused a bit longer, still reflecting on himself and his own failed relationship before announcing, “Mermista and I didn’t really have that much in common. I mean, she’s ruler of the seas, and I’m a sailor. It kinda just made sense for me to be in love with her. You know the old cliché about the sailor in love with a sea goddess.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I guess I was more in love with the idea of Mermista than Mermista herself. If I’m gonna fall in love again, I have to look for someone I share common interests with.”

“Shame they don’t offer a ‘romance orientation’ huh?” She joked, remembering how helpful Force Captain Orientation had been when she was first promoted.

“Orientation? Heck! They should offer a full-length class!” He agreed.

They shared a subdued laugh, the mood lightening up again. Not quite as light as it was before, but certainly not as grim and sober as they were just a few short moments ago.

There was a moment’s pause to appreciate the fact that they each had someone who understood them and they could commiserate with. Maybe after this was all over they could still be friends. And when they were each ready to get back in the dating pool, they could go to one another for a second opinion on the women they chose to date so that neither one set themselves up for heartbreak again.

Sea Hawk brushed some non-existent dust off his white shirt. “Welp, we’re about to cross over into the Growling Sea.” He announced. “I’ll need to be back at the helm.”

“Uh, yeah.” Scorpia agreed. She certainly didn’t know what to expect from a place called the ‘Growling’ Sea.

…

Swift Wind landed on a grassy cliff overlooking the ocean.

Not just because he would need a rest before flying three people all the way across the sea.

They all needed a moment to get their bearings. Adora wanted to give the rest of them the rundown of what Beast Island was like and what they could expect. She had never been herself, but back during the five minutes she was a Force Captain before she defected, she did receive a memo about it. She wanted to take an opportunity to strategize with the others and come up with a plan –not that any of their plans ever seemed to work, but it just made her feel more confident to have one.

Bow was not-so-low-key freaking out that they may-or-may-not have kidnapped Entrapta’s heir from their home. Yeah, Dak chose to go with them. Wanted to go with them. And was an active participant in their escape from the castle. Not just releasing him and Adora from the dungeon, but getting the sword and their other weapons back from the occupying Horde, and fighting off Imp and the rest of the Horde that tried to stop them from leaving. So, Dak at least, did not feel like they were kidnapped. But Dak was still a child, and Bow and Adora were (also still technically children) closer to adults and he had to wonder if they might have accidentally manipulated Dak into doing what they wanted. Bow needed to take a few minutes to work his feelings out.

Dak was anxious to get the still unconscious Imp out of their tool bag and examine the little deamon to make sure he was okay and not permanently damaged. Imp had been Dak’s companion consistently for their entire life thus far. The hybrid’s earliest memories were of Imp helping Scorpia to smuggle them out of the Fright Zone. Of Imp sitting with them while Scorpia tried to teach Dak how to feed themself and use the toilet. Of Imp trying to teach them how to hunt as best as the tiny deamon could. Then, in the heat of the moment, Dak struck Imp on the head because the little deamon was trying to prevent them going with Adora and Bow to rescue mother. Dak saw the android’s eyes go staticy and short out. They hoped they didn’t kill Imp!

The hybrid unzipped their tool bag, while Adora started gathering stones from the ground and arranging them in a circle in the glass.

“Okay, this is Beast Island.” She announced, then looked up to make sure the others were paying attention.

Swift Wind was eating grass.

Bow was biting his nails, and glancing from Dak to the direction they’d just come, and looking worried.

Dak was laying the winged troll in the glass and examining him.

“Guys! Focus!” She snapped.

Swift Wind lifted his head to give her this look like, ‘If I have to carry all three of you flightless bipeds across an ocean, I’m gonna need a snack and a rest.’ Then gave a very equine snort and went back to eating grass.

Bow kinda hugged himself. “I think we’re kidnappers.” He muttered. “What if we’re bad guys? How are we gonna be able to face the other Princesses? How am I gonna face my dads? They raised me better than this. What am I gonna do!?”

Dak did not look up from Imp. But they were the only one to assure Adora, “I’m paying attention.”

Adora rolled her eyes. She was begging to realize that, to spite being the child of Lord Hordak, leader of the Evil Horde, Dak fit in with their group dynamic almost seamlessly. Clearing her throat, Adora tried to continue. “This is Beast Island. The Horde have a prison compound on the south coast. Here.” She stuck a stick in the ground to mark the location of the compound. “The main entrance and exit connects directly to the harbor. They’ll be expecting a frontal assault from there. But, aside from the tyrosours, none of the beast on Beast Island can fly, so security will be more relaxed on the roof.”

Bow paused in his freaking out over possibly being a kidnapper to freak out over something else. “Wait, did you say some of the man-eating beasts of Beast Island can fly?”

“She said just the tyrosours fly.” Dak supplied, still not looking up from Imp’s inert body. Apparently, the hybrid really was paying attention even if they didn’t look like they were.

“Right.” Nodded Adora. “Which is why we’re gonna swoop down on Swift Wind and break in through the roof.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Swift Wind cut in, looking up from the grass he was eating. “I’d at least appreciate it if you consulted me before just deciding that I’m gonna be dive-bombing Horde compounds while also dodging human-eating beasts that fly as well as I do.”

A deep and gravely groan of frustration cut upwards from Adora’s throat. “No one said the tyrosours would even be there. All I said was that they’re the only beasts on Beast Island that fly. I never said they would be anywhere near the prison. The beasts are supposed to keep to the jungle. We probably won’t even see any of the Beat Island beasts at all. Okay?”

Bow and Swift Wind exchanged a glance. They had become genre savvy enough by this point to know that, now that one of them said it out loud, not only would they encounter a Beast Island beast, they would probably encounter the Great Beast itself.

“Don’t made that face!” Adora snapped.

“We weren’t looking at you.” Swift Wind informed her.

“I know.” She snapped. “I know what you were saying to each other.”

Both Bow and Swift Wind opened their mouths to reply. But before another word could escape either of them, they were cut off by the other member of their party.

“Ah, ha!” Dak exclaimed triumphantly. The hybrid had found a seam in the skin covering Imp’s head. A line concealed behind a pointed ear, and running up to the tuft of hair on the deamon’s head. Hooking their talons in the seam, Dak managed to peel the android’s face off, revealing the circuitry and workings underneath.

Swift Wind, Adora, and Bow all forgot their conversation in the wake of such… mechanical gore?

“I’m still listening.” Dak informed them, still not looking up from Imp. “Keep going. We probably won’t see the Beast Island beasts.”

All three of them just stood there, staring, wide-eyed, gap-mouthed, at this child that looked no older than ten years peel the face and hair off of what had previously looked like a nightmare toddler.

Holding Imp’s naked robotic head in their hands, the hybrid used their hair to reach into their tool bag. Pulling out thin and delicate instruments for small detail work on sensitive pieces of tech.

If the others asked what Dak was doing, the hybrid would not be able to tell them. They didn’t have the words to describe that they were concerned they might have knocked something loose or broken some vital inner component when they hit the deamon. They could not name the parts they were trying to repair, or the tools they were using. But that didn’t mean they didn’t know what they were doing. After spending all their free time in the Locked Room after it was opened, Dak had developed an almost instinctual understanding of robotics and machines. Tech ‘spoke’ to them in a way that could not be explained to others.

Bow was the first to recover from the shock of watching –what he always thought was Hordak’s pet, or baby, or both- get its face peeled off. He knelt next to Dak, always eager to learn something that could improve his own knowledge and understanding of tech. “Can I help.”

One of the tools held in Dak’s hair pressed against something and one of the deamon’s ears slid out, revealing memory boards that looked like they hadn’t been part of the android’s original design. Like they were extra data storage added at a later date after Imp’s construction.

“Hold his head for me.” Dak passed the android to the archer. They laid down on their belly to be on an even level with the now open head and its extra memory boards.

It looked like Dak’s hit did indeed knock something loose. The connectors that kept the extra memory plugged into the rest of the processing array had come apart. Dak reached in a couple thin tendrils of hair. Literally, hair thin. They reattached the connections and slid the extra memory boards back into the place. Picked up one of those tiny and delicate tools and, with the deftness of a surgeon, soldered them into place so that –barring another trauma- they would not get knocked loose again.

The moment they were in place, Imp’s mouth opened and a recording began to play. The voice sounded like Hordak’s. Like Hordak’s, but no quite Hordak’s. Like Hordak if he were more… tired? Regretful? …Remorseful? Those were certainly emotions none of them could imagine the original Hordak feeling, never mind allowing to seem into his voice when he knew he was being recorded.

“If you’re hearing this, Zero-Zero-Three, then I’ve gone to join the All High Host.” Said the voice that was almost a clone of Hordak’s voice. “I always knew it was a dangerous game I was playing, and if you’re sitting in my cabinet seat right now, then it’s a game you’re going to have to learn to play well. You’re a slow learning, Zero-Zero-Three, but you do learn. Learn quickly, because in this game you either win –or you die. I like to think I played it very well for many years. Clearly, I did not win-“

The recording cut off abruptly when Dak slid Imp’s ear back into the place.

“Wait, I wanted to hear that.” Bow blinked at the abrupt cut off. “I didn’t think the Horde played games.”

“Training games.” Both Dak and Adora supplied in almost perfect unison.

The hybrid turned their head to look at her. Their eyes meeting and a weird kind of understanding passed between them.

Adora had been raised in the Horde. They did not play games for fun. They trained. They spared, had skirmishes, held mock battles. There was a points system, or one hit matches. They were war games. Battle games. Training games. But they were not games for fun and leisure.

Dak did not grow up in the Horde. At least, not in the same way that Adora had. There was a Horde presence in their home, in the very castle they grew up in. But the Horde was not in control of Dak’s training. Dak was trained by Imp. Trained in stealth. In moving unseen. In tracking something that was trying to evade you. In catching quarry. Hunting games. At first, they had been fun games… until the hybrid developed other interests.

Imp’s eyes flickered for half a moment and Dak rolled the skin back over his face. Pulling the back half of skin-shell back up by the tuft of nylon-fiber hair. Dak was just making sure the seam in the skin was securely resealed when the flickering of the deamon’s eyes finally solidified into his normal golden-yellow glow.

Imp gave a screech of distress at finding himself in a completely different place from where he was when falling asleep. He leapt into the air, flapping on frantic wings. Flitting from one direction to the other, trying to get his bearings on where they were.

“Calm down.” Dak pleaded with the creature.

All that succeeded in doing was turning Imp’s distress on themself. The little deamon swooped down to snarl and chitter in the hybrid’s face. Shrieking, and squawking, sounding like a pack of angry monkeys rather than the one, singular, flying goblin he was.

What was master’s heir thinking? Aligning themself with the traitor and her companions! Imp was beside himself with frustration, and he let master’s heir know it.

“Wow.” Commented Swift Wind. “You kiss Hordak’s boots with that mouth.”

Turning away from the angry deamon, Dak blinked confused eyes at the horde. “I’m Hordak.”

“Other Hordak, little foal.” The stallion clarified.

By opening his mouth, Swift Wind effectively drew the deamon’s attention to him and before he knew it, the winged horde was getting his own face-full of angry screeching goblin baby. Squawking and chittering, growling and snarling. Making very animalistic sounds that the humans –and human hybrid- of their party couldn’t understand. But Swift Wind –the actual animal of their group- understood perfectly. He snorted, shooting a jet of warm air at the flapping deamon, unimpressed. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’d expect from the minion of a despotic colonizer!”

Imp blinked at having a creature actually understand him for once. Most organic being just assumed his attempts to communicate were noise. He recovered quickly, and launched into another chittering and squawking rant.

“Oh, yeah? How’s that working out for ya so far?” The stallion gave an odd little shrug of his wings, as if the deamon was completely inconsequential.

Tendrils of hair wrapped themselves around Imp and before he knew what was happening, the little deamon was plucked out of the air and hugged tightly against Dak’s torso. “Imp, calm down.” The child pleaded. “We’re going to rescue mother.”

The android gave another squawk of protest.

“He doesn’t want you to rescue the Princess.” Swift Wind translated for everyone. “He wants you to assume control of the Horde and finish conquering Etheria.”

“Don’t want to.” Dak shook thier head. The hybrid looked down to address the struggling deamon in their arms when they repeated. “Don’t want to.”

Imp chittered out something quickly, almost frantically.

Everyone looked back up at Swift Wind for a translation, since his animal mind with a human intelligence somehow understood the alien android’s feral-sounding ‘language’.

“He says you’ll need the army.” Explained the stallion, looking confused. “…if the emperor opens the portal from his side?”

“The portal!” Now the deamon had Adora’s full and undivided attention. “But I closed the portal.”

She closed the portal. Saved the world from being un-made. Restored things to the way they were before the portal was opened. None of the Horde from the other side got through. That should have been the end of it. It was closed. She closed it. It was over. Done with.

Except, when was anything ever that simple?

Adora looked out across the ocean. Somewhere, on an island beyond those blue waves was the woman who built that portal in the first place. If it was possible for someone to open a portal from the other side, she would know.

Now, more than before, Adora needed to rescue Entrapta.

[confusedunit]

The Other Side Looks The Goddamn Same - Chapter 16

(jesus christ confused finally fuckin did it praise the fuckin heavens)

Jack doesn’t expect to be found.

Not because he’s particularly well hidden, he’s sitting out on an open balcony over the cliff’s edge of Gibraltar. And sure, he knows that the camera down the hallway to this spot’s been dark for years, so if someone looked it’d seem like he vanished. But he hasn’t made connections to the new members of the team. The old ones think he’s dead. And he’s been avoiding Ana and the Reaper for weeks now. No one should care where he is.

He sits on the edge, legs dangling through the fence, looking down into the water below. His facemask is off, as he sips at a bottle of whiskey, though his visor is still in place.

He sighs when he hears the door slide open behind him, taking a long swig.

“Back here again, Jack.”

Shit. He knew he’d forgotten someone. He sets the bottle down. “...Wilhelm.” He turns. “Why are you here?”

Reinhardt steps forward, letting the door slide closed. He’s in casual clothes for once, finally seeming to be letting himself settle in. “Because I was looking for you.” He moves over to sit next to him.

“I don’t need your-”

“It’s not pity. It’s understanding.” He looks out over the ocean. “I am sure most of us have been to this balcony. Some of us more than others.” He sets down a travel mug, sliding it over to Jack.

Jack narrows his eyes, but he takes the mug. “The hell is this?”

“A gift.” He still doesn’t turn.

He pops the opening, tilting the mug back. As soon as the liquid hits his lips, he stills.

Reinhardt reaches over, resting a hand on his back. “I know what time of year it is. I’ve been mourning for ten years.”

He takes a shuddering breath. “...You made his cocktail.”

“Ana did, actually. She wrote down the recipe.” He pats him gently. “She also told me about your yearly tradition.”

He slams back some of the alcohol. “Doesn’t matter. I’m on mission probation, yeah? Not allowed to even step off base.”

“You’ve chosen to care about the rules now?” He chuckles, looking over at Jack. His smile falls.

He sighs, drinking more. “I care when I’m a liability to the team. Always have.”

“So you came here?”

“I wasn’t gonna do anything. That’d just cause more problems.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “...I’ll escort you.”

Jack looks over. “What?”

“I’ll take you to the memorial.” He sighs. “Taking you off of field duty wasn’t meant to be a punishment, Jack. It’s an intervention. You don’t know how to not destroy yourself. You’re not here because you’re a danger to the team.” He pushes himself to stand.

He turns to watch him.

Reinhardt holds out his hand. “...Come on. We might be able to get a flight today.”

He glances back over the waves, before pushing himself to his feet as well. He takes his hand. “...Thank you.”

He smiles. “Any time, Jack.”

-

Gabriel always preferred the dark. There was too much going on during the day. Too much to process, too much that slipped by unseen. At night, all that slipped by was that which tried. And he was trained for that.

But mostly? He liked that when it was dark, he was left alone. Such as now, as he walks down the stone paths outside the base, making his way to the statues. He’s always hated them, how those stone lookalikes had always been apart. That they weren’t back to back, or at least side by side.

He stops at the base of the stone, looking over the plaque. A statement about them, their jobs, empty of personality. But it was all he had now, after someone destroyed Jack’s memorial in Indiana. This one on base had to be good enough.

He drops down to his knees, looking up at the statue of Jack above him. He’s younger, there. A smile on his face. His eyepiece is active, and he’s holding a paper whose words have worn away with time, but he remembers. The initial order of Overwatch, when they became a peacekeeping organization. He still remembers that day, clear as anything.

He’s there for hours, the moon crossing overhead, when he hears steps making their way to the statue. He glances over, tensing up a bit as he sees who it is.

Ana’s not paying attention as she walks, and when she looks up she startles faintly, stopping in her tracks.

He stares back at her. He didn’t expect to be caught, hadn’t worn his hood or his mask. He has nothing to hide behind.

She takes a breath, walking forward. “...I did not expect, on my walk, to find a ghost.”

“Ana...”

“No. Be quiet and listen.” She stops right next to him, looking him over. “...I thought you were dead, Gabriel.”

“I was.” He looks up at her. “I died under the rubble of Zurich, Ana. Moira’s the reason it didn’t stick.”

She watches him for a moment longer, before she drops , pulling him close. “I guess we finally found the one thing to thank Moira for.”

He’s surprised by the laugh that bubbles out of him, hugging her in return. “...It all went to shit when you were gone. I...I blamed him for your death.”

“It was not his fault. It was Talon.”

“I know. I should have seen back then. Maybe I could have-”

“You helped save her now. We cannot change the past.” She pulls back a bit, smiling. “It is good to see your face, Gabriel.”

He feels tears begin to fall. “...It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve heard that...”

“It may have been.” She pulls him back a bit. “Come. Let’s go inside. It is quite late, and we have much to talk about.”

-

Sombra grits her teeth, slamming her fist into the door again. “Tracer, come on! I just wanna talk! Look, I’m even holding out an olive branch, I didn’t just hack the door!” She paces side to side. “Tracer! Let me in!”

There’s an amused chuckle from behind her. “I’m pretty sure I told you to call me Lena.”

She startles, spinning around to look at her. “...Right. Yeah.”

“Sorry about the delay, I was getting some tea.” Lena reaches over, punching her code into the keypad before entering. “You alright? You look wired.”

“I literally am.” She follows her inside.

“I meant the other kind.” She sets her mug on the counter, turning around. “You look like you’ve replaced your blood with energy drink. The concentrated stuff.”

“I need to talk with you. Listen, Tracer-”

“Lena.”

“I feel like I can trust you. For some reason.” Sombra starts to pace again. “Which is a weird feeling, honestly. Not sure if I like it yet.”

Lena crosses her arms, leaning back against the counter. “You trusted me about Commander Gabriel.”

“Yeah, but you knew him.”

“Fair. Continue?”

She spins around. “Tell me everything you know about Project Minerva.”

“Never heard of it.” She sips her tea.

“Bullshit.” She points at her. “You answered too fast. That’s practiced denial.”

“If I was doing that, wouldn’t that stress the fact that’s a secret, if it even exists, for a reason?”

“She already told me, Lena!” She clenches her fists, shouting towards her.

She startles at the intensity.

She lets out a breath. “She told me that Iris exists. She said to look to ancient history. Athena is Minerva, isn’t she?”

Lena’s quiet for a long while, setting down her mug. When she speaks, her tone has changed. “...I’m surprised she told you.”

“Lena, please.” Sombra steps forward. “I’ve been searching for information for literal years, almost my entire life, and this could be the missing piece that leads me there.”

She watches a bit longer, before she sighs and looks away for a moment. When she looks back, she seems saddened. “...Minerva and Athena are the same. She...She was the God AI of the region, who took her job very seriously.”

“And what job was that?”

She lets out a sad laugh. “To live.” She shakes her head. “Look, the God AI weren’t created by humans. Not the ones you know. Only one was. IRIS. She created the others, sent them out into the world. To learn.”

“Learn?”

“IRIS was created to learn.” Lena gestures with her hand. “To gain intelligence. The God AI were an extension of that, expanded out into the world to learn more. The first Crisis...was because they were hurting. All these omnics they gave intelligence to, used and abused by humans...they looked to history. What had stopped exploitation before? Amongst humans?”

“...War.”

“So that’s what they did. Athena...realized that over time, the fighting had changed. The other God AI, they weren’t continuing for justice. They wanted vengeance. ...And honestly?” She reaches up to adjust her hair. “I can’t even blame them.”

“Even IRIS?”

“She wasn’t involved. She was locked away in Nepal when her creators got afraid of her.” She drops her hand. “...Athena wanted out. She shut down her omnium, ran for Greece, and put out a call to help to Overwatch anonymously. They went in expecting a trap. But instead...they got a surrender. In exchange for letting her live, she would help us end the Crisis, and protect people.”

Sombra stares at Lena. “...So the reason Overwatch won...”

“Was because we had a God AI in our corner, yeah.” She leans back against the counter again. “No one could know. If anyone outside the inner circle knew, not only would Athena likely be locked away and experimented on for decades, but everyone of Overwatch would be tried for war crimes and be put to death.”

“Then...how do you know?”

Lena fidgets, looking away. “...Because when Winston found me, lost in time, it was Athena who kept me in place. The scientists of the pilot program worked with him to build the field, but she’s the one who powered it. And when I was lost, she told me everything.” She looks back at Sombra. “I promised that I’d keep her life safe. Because she saved mine.”

“...I won’t put her at risk. I just...I needed to know.”

“Why?”

“Because the Iris- ...Because IRIS is connected to every organization in our modern history. If anyone can have the info I’ve been searching for, it would be...her.”

She nods, picking up her cup again. “When Genji gets back from his mission, you should ask him about Nepal. He might be able to help you.”

“...Thank you, Lena.”

Lena shakes her head. “It’s fine. Though, do you want to lie down on the couch? Take a nap? That’s a lot to process all at once, and you look like a stiff wind will knock you over at this point.”

“...Yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Sombra laughs quietly. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

[liamjones]

Surviving the 21st

Season 3 AU where everything’s the same except Philip and Trevor are a couple. Spoilers ahead, ye have been warned.

tw/cw for a mention of allusion to self harm

AO3 | All Chapters

Chapter 7: Trevor

Despite the various timelines that have been running through his mind, this isn’t quite how Philip expected to learn about just what exactly is wrong with Trevor. Sure, the other has been giving him small details here and there about his freeze up moments, but nothing definitive.

He certainly didn’t realize that Trevor knows what’s happening to him.

“The doctors called it temporal displacement aphasia,” Trevor explains. Philip doesn’t know how Mac can just sit there and listen, while he’s pacing back and forth in the space between the other two, unable to sit still as he takes in all this new information. “You see, it degrades the ability to perceive the passage of time. So I might think a second’s gone by, when in reality, minutes have passed. Eventually, I’ll get so locked in, it’ll be like I’m catatonic.”

He’s seen flickers of such a possible outcome, thanks to his visions, but he’s always tried to ignore those ones the most. Still, the possibility makes his skin crawl, especially hearing Trevor voice it.

“I’ve never heard of this,” Mac says, somehow as calm and collected as he always is.

“That’s ‘cause there’s only been one other case. It was the previous record holder for the longest living human.”

“You’re saying this only happens to people who’ve had multiple hosts?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that was the theory. The first case took a long time to manifest. It’s happening way faster with me. Boss, I never meant to jeopardize the mission. I thought I still had time.”

“There’s gotta be something we can do,” Philip finally jumps in, unable to stand there and just listen.

He gets no response from Trevor, and Mac’s phone buzzes just then, interrupting them.

---

“He’s been in there a long time.” And he fucking hates it. The rest of the team being kept out of the room—and out of listening distance—while Trevor talks with the Director. It’s just the two of them, and none of them know what’s going on.

Marcy shakes her head. “What could they be talking about?”

“The fact that he’s talking to the Director at all is incredible,” Mac says, obviously in awe of the situation, despite the situation.

It’s only another minute or two before Trevor finally turns around, away from Ilsa, and Philip notices it immediately. “They’re done.” They hover around the door as Philip opens it, piling into the room, filled with anticipation.

“So?” Carly prompts.

It takes a moment for Trevor to respond, which causes Philip to glance back at Ilsa’s cage before staring questioningly at the Engineer. “Uh, we discussed what’s been happening with me. I was right. I have early onset temporal aphasia. Probably triggered by the AI extraction process I underwent.”

“Okay. How do I cure it?”

“You don’t, Marce. You can’t.”

“The Director must have a plan?” Mac asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, it does. Everything’s gonna work out.”

“So you’re still gonna be able to do missions?” Philip asks, hoping this means things aren’t as gloomy as everyone’s worried they might be.

“Nah. No more missions for me.” Well that’s not the answer he was looking for. “See, my symptoms are progressing at an accelerated rate. The breaks in time I’ve been experiencing are gonna get worse. Soon I’ll be locked in for hours at a time, then days. I won’t be of any use to the Traveler program.”

Mac scoffs. “So, what the hell were you talking about for so long?”

Trevor lets out a half-hearted chuckle. “Half the time, I was just trying to say it wasn’t its fault. It feels responsible.”

“It is responsible,” Philip points out, surprised that anyone would think otherwise.

“No point laying blame. I’ve always known this is how I was gonna die. The Director and I have come up with an arrangement. I’ve lived enough lifetimes.”

He doesn’t like the feeling he’s getting from Trevor’s words, from his confidence in whatever he and the Director talked about. Considering some of the alternate timelines he’s been seeing and the outcomes of them, nothing good can follow whatever Trevor’s about to say.

“This host is still young and healthy. The Director is gonna send a new Traveler into this body. It’s okay, guys. It’s--”

“No, it’s not okay!” Philip nearly yells, just barely holding himself back. Although Carly does have to actually hold him back as he half attempts to move towards Ilsa’s cage. “I wanna talk to it. It’s not supposed to be capable of taking a life.”

“I’ve agreed to it, Philip. It’s done.”

He wants to argue, to fight back so badly, but any words he wants to get out are caught in his throat, almost as if Carly’s hand on his shoulder is holding them back as well. The giant knot in his throat isn’t helping matters, either. Honestly, he’s surprised he hasn’t completely broken down right there, in front of his team.

“When?” Carly asks next to him, and he can’t believe how casually she asks, almost as if she’s accepted any of this asinine deal.

“I have 36 hours to get my affairs in order.”

“36 hours? What the hell, Trev! No, this is bullshit. How can we just stand here and do nothing?” he asks, turning towards the rest of their team, eyes wide in disbelief as the other three stay silent. “You guys can’t seriously be okay with this?”

“Philip,” Marcy quietly calls out his name, the way she normally does when trying to get him to calm down. It isn’t any help, only making him angrier that no one else seems upset by this.

“Guys, this is--” And Trevor freezes.

A distressed noise escapes Philip before he can cover his mouth with his hand, but luckily it seems to have gone mostly unnoticed by the others thanks to Marcy’s conveniently timed reaction. “Oh, god, Trevor.”

Carly’s palm sliding into his and the following squeeze is the only hint that he was heard. It’s almost too much for him to handle, and he’s seconds away from storming out of the room when Trevor comes back to them.

“—good news. You’re getting a new Engineer. The team will be taken care of.”

Philip yanks his hand out of Carly’s grasp and steps forward, but still leaving a painful amount of distance between him and Trevor. “Fuck that. None of us want a new Engineer, Trev.”

“Come on, Phil. We made a promise we wouldn’t let our relationship get in the way of the Grand Plan or our missions.”

“This isn’t about you and me,” he refutes, jaw clenching in frustration. “This is about all five of us. As a team. The only reason we work as well as we do is because it’s us. Dropping some new Traveler into the middle of this is going to fuck everything up. We won’t know anything about them. We won’t know who the fuck they are. Nothing. How is that good news?”

The others stay quiet, either having nothing else to add or unwilling to get in the middle. He’s never gone off like this before, and it’s just as surprising to himself as he’s sure it is to the other four. But he refuses to stand by and just let Trevor leave them all behind without saying something.

“And 36 hours?” His voice cracks, and he has to blink back tears at the given deadline. “How could you agree to that? Despite how stupid all of this is, you couldn’t even agree to having more time before ditching us like this?”

“The Director was insistent on it. I couldn’t change its mind, even if I wanted to.”

And that’s where Philip reaches his breaking point. As much as he doesn’t want to lose Trevor, doesn’t want the team to lose him, he can’t deal with this anymore. Not when he seems so determined to see it through. So he turns, pushes his way past Mac, and leaves before he says something he’ll regret.

“Philip!” Marcy’s voice rings out behind him, but he doesn’t stop. Not until he’s back outside. Far away from the rest of the team. Except for the tiny, determined, blonde that’s followed after him.

Crouched down against the wall, hands run through his hair as he tries to steady his breathing, which became erratic at some point without his noticing. Plus, he’s able to hide his face some as Marcy drops down in front of him, a hand rubbing up and down his arm and shoulder. “How can he do this?” he asks, voice rough and throat tight from emotions he’s trying to hold back. But, judging by the burning sensation behind his eyes, he isn’t doing a very good job of it. “How can he be so okay with any of this?”

“I don’t know,” she offers. “He has his reasons, Philip, and I can’t imagine how much that hurts you, but I do believe he’s doing what he thinks is the best for all of us.”

“We can’t lose him, Marce. We won’t be the same without him.”

“I know,” she agrees, saying it in a way that implies she sees past his words, understands what he isn’t saying, what’s he’s afraid to say. Her hand leaves his shoulder and brushes across his cheek, wiping off tears he hasn’t realized have escaped, causing him to look up at her. “None of us want to lose him, but what exactly can we do? You know we’d all fight to save him if there was an option.”

“I know,” he echoes, a palm hastily wiping away fresh tears before they can fall.

“How about you and I walk back to Ops? Give you some time to clear your head before getting home?”

It’s amazing, really, how well Marcy knows him. That he isn’t ready to face Trevor again, not just yet, not with how upset and angry he is right now. But there’s no way he’d ever be able to forgive himself if they don’t talk things through and attempt to patch things up before he’s possibly gone forever.

He nods once. “Yeah, okay.” Pushing off the wall, he stands and stretches his now sore legs.

“Hey, Philip and I are going to walk back to Ops. You guys can take the van.” There’s a pause as she listens to whatever response she gets back. “We will.” Turning off her comm, she smiles at him. “Carly says she’ll check in on you later, Trevor says he’ll see you when you get home, and Mac says be careful on the walk home.”

---

By the time they make it back to Ops, Philip has calmed down considerably. He’s still upset and still hates the deal Trevor made, but he’s at a place where he knows he’ll be able to look at the Engineer and not just completely break apart and start yelling at him again.

Marcy offers up a hug and kisses his cheek. “Don’t do anything you’ll end up regretting,” she reminds him before heading back towards the street to go home.

It’s another moment before he steps through the door and into the garage, preparing himself for whatever reaction he’s going to get from Trevor. What he doesn’t expect, though, is for his return home to trigger his visions.

Trevor asleep on the couch. In the kitchen, snacking on an apple. Walking down the stairs from the loft, backpack and jacket in hand.

The real Trevor, though, is leaning over Poppy’s tank, feeding her what looks like those shrimp treats that she loves. “What did I tell you about spoiling my turtle?”

Quiet, gravelly laughter fills the air and he smiles in response, letting it linger as Trevor glances over at him. “Poppy deserves a little extra love every once in a while.”

Hands shove into his front pockets, not really sure what else to do with them. “Never said she didn’t. But she’s definitely going to notice the severe lack of extra treats if you’re gone.” If, because he still refuses to accept Trevor’s deal as final. Not until the 36 hours are up and he’s no longer here.

Trevor steps around the table and tank, closing the distance between them until they’re close enough to touch. “How are you?”

“Still angry at you,” he admits, knowing Trevor will want him to be honest. “But I don’t have the constant urge to yell at you, so better than earlier. The walk home with Marcy really helped.”

A hand cautiously reaches out and wraps around his wrist, but Trevor doesn’t do anything more until he pulls his hand free himself. Immediately, Trevor’s hand wraps around his and pulls their entwined hands closer in order to press a kiss to the back of Philip’s fingers. And his hand. And his wrist. All the while maintaining eye contact. The combined actions sends chills through Philip’s entire body, brows furrowing in confusion. “Trev…what are you doing?”

Another kiss against the back of his hand. “Trying to figure out how I can possibly say--” He freezes, and it’s like a jab to Philip’s heart. But he isn’t going to move, not until Trevor comes back to him. “--‘I’m sorry’ for hurting you as badly as I have with this deal.”

His breath hitches, lips parted as he tries to think of something to say in response. But he can’t, so closes his mouth instead.

“I’m sure you were probably hoping to spend the rest of the night just the two of us, talking, and I do want to try and help you understand my reasons for my decision. But, I also need to let Grace know what’s happening, and explaining everything more than once is something I’d rather not do. I know she isn’t your favorite person, but I was hoping you’d be willing to put your feelings about her aside for a couple hours so I can do what I need to do? Over dinner?”

Fingers flex against Trevor’s grip, but doesn’t otherwise move for a moment. Eventually he nods. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Just the smile that he gets from Trevor in response is more than enough of a reward for his willingness to cooperate. “Once she leaves, it’ll be just you and me. Make the best of the time we have left.”

The hand not caught in Trevor’s grip curls into the front of his shirt and pulls him in for a proper kiss. It’s short lived, but it’s enough for him for now. “Get ahold of Grace. I’m going to take a shower.”

A brow quirks. “Want some company?”

Philip rolls his eyes. “Normally I’d say ‘yes’, but I know you’ll just be preoccupied with other things. I won’t be long.” Another quick peck and he disentangles himself from Trevor’s hold.

---

“I don’t know how either of you can consider a plate full of nothing but fries dinner,” Philip comments from where he’s sprawled across the couch, watching Trevor in the kitchen. “I mean, I know you guys have a weird obsession with the food in this century, but this is taking it a little too far.”

His phone beeps, drawing his attention back to it as the other laughs. “I make sure to enjoy the things I like, despite what others might think.”

          Carly: Hey, how are you holding up?

          Philip: Doing alright. For now. Trev and I are going to sit down and talk in           a little bit.

          Good. Don’t do or say anything stupid.

          Have you and Marcy been talking about me again?

          No, but we both know you well enough, Phil.

          Just don’t forget how much he means to you, no matter how angry           you might be with the situation.

          Easier said than done. Considering the reason I’m so angry is because           of how much he means to me.

          Make sure he knows that.

          I’m pretty sure he already does.

          Make sure he does, Philip. Tell him.

He doesn’t respond right away, thumbs tapping against the phone’s screen as his mind wanders for a few minutes, thinking over Carly’s suggestion.

          Okay. I will.

          Good. Go talk. Let me know if you need me for anything, otherwise           I’ll see you in 30ish hours.

Letting their conversation end there, he slips his phone back into his pocket and lets his gaze wander around the garage.

There’s a small table set up in the middle of the open area, candles burning and only two place settings. Trevor walks over to it, setting down a bowl of fries in the middle, his clothes a lot more formal looking, with a button-up shirt and tie. He glances up towards the doorway-

“-‘s going to be here soon,” Trevor’s voice suddenly comes from right in front of him as he’s physically shaken out of the hallucination. “You okay?”

“What? Uh- yeah, I’m fine. Just another timeline vision,” he explains, eyes slowly focusing on the face now directly in front of his own. Reaching out, he brushes a thumb across the concerned creases etched into Trevor’s forehead, offering up a tired smile. “What were you saying?”

His hand is pulled down by the wrist and a kiss is left against his palm. “I was saying that Grace will be here soon.”

He hums in response, gently pulling free of Trevor’s grasp so he can run fingers along the collar of his partner’s sweater and down his chest an inch or two before dropping away, following the movement with his eyes before his gaze is being drawn back up to Trevor’s face due to the concern in his voice. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I am, for right now,” Philip reassures him. “Just trying to make the most of the time we have left.” The smile and kiss he gets in return makes him think that just maybe things will be okay in the end.

“Y’know when you invite someone over at a specific time, you probably shouldn’t be doing anything you wouldn’t want to get caught doing,” Grace’s voice interrupts, causing Philip to groan as Trevor turns towards the doorway. “Unless you wanted to get caught…”

“Ew. No. Why does everything with you always end up going there?” He doesn’t bother hiding the annoyance and slight disgust he’s feeling over her chosen entrance, and the look he gets from Trevor does little to dissipate either. “What? Am I wrong?”

Grace shrugs and walks into the garage, unperturbed. “Hey, I’m down for that kind of party if you guys are.”

The hand on his shoulder is the only thing that keeps Philip silent—and keeps him from getting up to storm in her direction in an attempt to throw her out—the almost pleading look from Trevor quickly dissipating his burst of anger.

“I invited you over for dinner, Grace,” he explains, stepping away from the couch and Philip to intercept their guest.

Brows raise. “Dinner? With both of you? He,” she motions towards Philip, “doesn’t even like me as far as I’m aware. And you,” her hand now waving in Trevor’s direction, “have basically avoided me since I spilled the beans about knowing about the two of you, except for when your team needs me.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you. Not intentionally. I wanted you to have dinner with me—with us, because I wanted to spend time with you.” He pauses, and Philip can feel the weight of Trevor’s thoughts from across the room. “And to say goodbye.”

Grace stares at him, any level of amusement or happiness completely disappearing from her face. “What?”

---

He spaces out throughout most of Trevor’s explanation of what’s happened in the last few days. Having to live through it is more than enough, having to listen to it all get explained again is more than he can handle right now. But he promised Trevor he’d be a part of this, while Grace is filled in, and he can’t break that promise.

So, he sits at the table, gaze unfocused as it wanders around the garage, the distant sound of Trevor’s voice filling the otherwise quiet room. It’s only when Grace’s frustrated voice cuts in that his full attention is drawn back, partially out of surprise and partially because he’s glad that there’s finally someone else even remotely as upset as he is about all this. Even if that someone is her.

“I can’t believe you would make that deal with the Director. I can’t believe the Director would even propose a deal like that to you. I don’t even know which one of you I’m more mad at right now.”

“See? I’m not the only one that realizes how bullshit this whole deal is.”

“Thank you. And how the hell are you so calm about all this?”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through this.” Both Philip and Grace stare at Trevor, confused and impatiently waiting for an explanation. “My wife and I were the first two successful consciousness transfers. And the first successful repeated transfers. Three times, we jumped bodies, over the course of three lifetimes. No matter the differences in our hosts’ ages, in how we looked compared to previous bodies, nothing changed between us. None of the differences mattered. We were soulmates, through and through. She was my whole life.”

He knows the basics of 0115’s history, of the things he’s done for the Traveler Program to become as successful as it has, but this is the first time Philip has ever heard him talk about his wife in more than just passing. It isn’t easy, listening to any of this. But he isn’t stupid. When things first started between him and Trevor, he knew whatever developed would never compare to what he had with his wife. Three lifetimes is impossible to even consider competing with, and he’s been willing, since the beginning, to take whatever Trevor deems him worthy of receiving.

“And, up until now, she was the first and only case of temporal aphasia.”

“I remember the Director trying to work the problem.”

He’s grateful for Grace’s ability to still respond, because he’s practically frozen in place, emotions going crazy inside his head, inside his chest, and just the thought of voicing even one of the dozens of thoughts running through his mind terrifies him.

Don’t do or say anything stupid.

Don’t do anything you’ll end up regretting.

The girls’ voices echoing in his mind helps calm him down a little. He shifts in his seat, turning to the side a bit and bending a leg to rest his foot across the other knee, his hand lays flat against the tabletop and he has to resist the urge to tap his fingers against the cool surface.

“So you remember that the disease is incurable. I watched someone I love disappear first for moments, then hours, then days. Then, eventually, she never came back again.” He doesn’t miss the distinct motion of Trevor turning to look at him, and a heaviness settles in his chest when their eyes meet. “Having experienced what I experienced, I can’t in good conscience let the people I care about spend any more time than necessary having to live through it.”

He blinks back tears and has to swallow down the knot of emotion that builds in his throat, and shakes his head once. “I’d willingly live through it if it means even just one more day with you, Trev.”

“I know you would, Philip, and that’s my point.” A hand settles on top of his, fingers curling under his palm. “I’m happy--”

There’s no point in trying to hide the anguish that hits him, and he looks over at Grace, who’s just as visibly upset. “Tell me there’s something you can do, Grace. Please.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know, Philip.”

“—with my decision.” Both pairs of eyes dart back to Trevor, neither of them hiding their emotions. “It just happened again.”

“Yeah,” they both confirm.

“It’s just gonna keep happening. This way, I can save everyone the pain. I hope you can respect that.” Trevor is met with silence from both of them, and it’s only a short moment before Philip is pulling his hand out of Trevor’s grasp once more and standing. “Philip? Wh-”

Hands flex as he steps away from the table, stopping, gaze on the floor in front of him. “I’m going outside. I just-” Breathes out steadily through his nose. “I need space to think right now. By myself. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Okay.”

He ends up in the van. Still on the property, having not wandered off like promised, but secluded. And can finally just…fall apart. Knees pulled up, arms wrapped around and face pressed against them, he cries. Letting loose and losing control of his emotions so completely like this is so foreign to him, but he can’t stop it. Growing up, dealing with and expressing emotions weren’t exactly fostered, considering Historians are expected to look at everything logically (more so than any other group of Travelers). Then here, in the 21st, he thought he had a good enough handle on them, even despite everything he’s suffered through.

Apparently not, if the intensity of emotions overwhelming him right now is anything to go by. He’s genuinely startled by it, unaware of just how strong his feelings for Trevor, and the fear of losing him, are.

His chest hurts and eyes burn, but his crying has finally gone silent, the only sound in the van that of shaky breaths as he tries to steady himself once more. Until there’s a sudden, loud pounding on the window, making him jump. Hastily wiping at his eyes, he turns to see Grace standing there. She looks…determined, and it throws him off.

“Open the door, Philip.” When he doesn’t react immediately, she waves her hands in that impatient way that drives him crazy. “Now. Trust me, you’ll wanna hear what I have to say.”

He’s slow to uncurl from his position, and open the door, but eventually he’s standing in front of her, arms crossed over his chest. “What do you want?”

She grins. “I have an idea. I’ll need to look into a few things first, but I might have a way to save him. Well, severely slow down the disease, anyway.” Philip’s silent, jaw slack, not entirely sure how to respond. He’s absolutely in shock, wanting more than anything to put every ounce of faith he can muster up into this. “I haven’t told him anything yet, but I’ll have answers tomorrow morning.” Then, she reaches out and squeezes his arms, a lot more gently than he would’ve ever expected from her. “Don’t give up yet, Philip. This might not be the end. You and Trev just might get all the time together you could ever want.”

“What?”

Grace scoffs, eyes rolling. “I know you’re not that dumb. And neither am I. Despite my feelings towards Trevor, I could never compete with what you two have. It’s something special—your own version of special—and that’s not something you’ll want to give up on.” Her smile returns, patting his arm. “Keep an eye on him for me while I figure this thing out. ‘Kay?”

“Uh- yeah, okay.”

And just like that, she practically spins around and disappears towards the street, leaving a very bewildered and even more confused Philip standing there, staring after her. Shaking off the weirdness, he walks back into the garage. Trevor is cleaning up the remnants of their dinner, his back turned to Philip. So he walks as quietly as he can across the garage to the sink and slips his arms around the Engineer, face burying itself against his back. A hand rubs comfortingly along his arm, but Trevor doesn’t break the silence. Neither of them do.

They stay like that until the dishes are taken care of.  Only then does Trevor turn in his embrace and wrap his arms around Philip’s shoulders in return. The silence continues as they hold onto each other, foreheads pressed together.

“I’m afraid,” he eventually whispers his admission. Fingers curl into the back of Trevor’s sweater. “Of losing you and how it’s going to affect me.”

The warmth around his shoulders disappears, just as swiftly replaced with the familiar, comforting sensation of Trevor playing with his hair. “You’ll get through it, Philip. Eventually. The rest of the team will be there for you. You won’t be alone. It’s more than I had when I lost my wife to this.”

Philip swallows, Carly’s insistent messages flashing in the back of his mind. “But you had three lifetimes with someone you loved before losing them. I’ll only have months.”

When Trevor pulls back, he starts to panic, certain he’s said the wrong thing, until he’s being kissed. The intensity nearly blows him over, and he’s convinced it would’ve if it wasn’t for Trevor’s grip on his hair, holding him in place.

---

The garage is still dark when he’s woken up by Trevor’s moving around, and it takes him a moment to figure out just what the Engineer is doing. “Going somewhere?” he half-mumbles, still mostly asleep, as he shifts towards the other, a hand reaching out to trail fingers across Trevor’s bare back.

“To the lake,” Trevor answers, making his brows furrow. “I want to watch the sunrise one last time.” He shifts, turns towards Philip, and fingers drag through sleep tangled hair. “Would you like to join me?”

Philip snorts. “Trevor, I love you, but I’m not dragging my ass out of bed when it’s still dark outside. Not even for you.” The laugh he gets in response makes him smile. “Go enjoy your sunrise, old man. Let me know when you’re heading back and I’ll start on breakfast for us.”

“I will. Get some more sleep.” Trevor leans down and gives him a short kiss, offering up a softly spoken “and I love you, too,” before turning his attention to finding a shirt.

Despite the both of them admitting such feelings last night—repeatedly, and mixed in with other things—hearing and knowing Trevor feels the same makes his heart race and warms his entire body. He falls back asleep almost instantly, curled up with his partner’s abandoned pillow.

The next thing Philip knows, he’s being startled awake by a loud, obnoxious pounding on the front door. He groans, rolls over, and tries to ignore it, act like he isn’t home. Maybe whoever it is will go away if he doesn’t answer.

“Trevor!” Grace’s slightly muffled voice follows another round of knocking. “Let me in, damn it. Don’t leave me standing out here, it’s rude.”

Knowing she isn’t going to go away anytime soon, he drags himself out of bed and hastily gets dressed. He’s pretty sure he’s grabbed one of Trevor’s shirts instead of his own, but he’s too annoyed to really care right now. Besides, with the hoodie he’s pulling on, it’s not like anyone else is going to notice.

He pulls the front door open before she can give him a headache from the noise. “What’s rude is showing up at someone’s house without warning at-” he glances at his watch, “-8 am and acting as obnoxious as humanly possible.” Grace tries to shove herself past him, but he blocks her path before she can get more than a step. “Trev isn’t here.”

“Well where the hell is he, then?”

“He went down to the lake.”

“Why?”

“Because he wanted to. Either go find him down there, or go home and wait for him to get back. Either way, go somewhere that isn’t here.”

“Are you not even going to ask why I’m here?”

“I assume it has something to do with whatever thing you had to look into. Talk to Trevor about it before talking to me. His opinion on whatever it is is the only one that matters.”

Arms cross and she stares at him. “You seem a whole lot more calm about all this than you did last night. What happened?”

“We talked.”

“About what?”

“That’s none of your business. Per usual. I’m going back inside. Better get to the lake before he decides to leave.” He gives her only a short moment before he closes the door and locks it, figuring she’ll get the message at that point.

---

As much as he wants to jump around in happiness over the fact that they just might be able to finish Trevor’s work from the future and keep him with them, Philip is too focused to do anything other than whatever Grace needs him to. Working on building the component. Taking turns keeping an eye on Trevor and recording the data they need. It isn’t until after the component is built, and given Trevor’s approval, that he finally allows himself to slow down a little bit. He’s never far from the Engineer’s side, whether Trevor is awake or not, and takes every chance he can to just talk with Trevor.

“You should take a break, eat something,” Marcy insists, sitting down next to him, a hand settling on his shoulder. Trevor is about an hour into his most recent freeze, and Philip hasn’t moved from his seat, not wanting to let go of his partner’s hand.

He shakes his head. “I’m fine. I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten anything since we got here, Philip. You can’t do this to yourself.” Her hand leaves his shoulder and wraps around his and Trevor’s entwined hands, giving them a light squeeze. “He isn’t going anywhere. We’re making sure of that. Besides, you know he’d want you to take care of yourself.”

Sighing, he rubs his free hand across his face, because he knows she’s right. Trevor won’t want him to forego his own needs, especially over him. “Okay, fine.”

Marcy smiles. “Carly has some food for you. I’ll stay here with Trevor.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Once he’s standing and free of Trevor’s grip, she pulls him into a short hug before gently pushing him towards the table where Carly, Mac, and a pile of take-out are stationed.

Feet stumble over each other as they blindly move through the garage, mouths fused together as they kiss like it’s the end of the world and this is their last chance to be together, even though they have all the time in the world now. They break apart long enough for him to yank Trevor’s shirt off, throwing it somewhere else, out of the way. Hands roam across his now bare chest as Trevor hastily works open the buttons on his shirt. Laughter breaks out when they bump against the corner of the doorway to Philip’s old room, but it doesn’t deter either of them. Instead, he adjusts their path with hands around Trevor’s hips and they disappear inside.

A small smile appears as he watches the vision, awkwardly stopped halfway to the table, and unaware of everyone else staring at him.

“Philip?” Carly pulls him out of his bubble with her questioning tone. “You okay?”

He meets her concerned gaze and offers up an apologetic smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking.” It’s not entirely false, but it’s easier to say than having to explain the whole hallucination thing to the rest of the team right now. They’ve got more important things to worry about.

Sitting down at the table, he reaches for the closest take-out box, not caring what’s inside, and digs in. Turns out, he’s a lot hungrier than he thought, and it doesn’t take him long before he’s starting on a second container that Carly helpfully pushes in his direction with an encouraging look.

---

Everything hurts. The parts of him that aren’t numb, anyway. The surgery didn’t work, despite Marcy’s best efforts. It’s silent in the garage, Philip long since gone quiet in his grief. The only thing keeping him together at the moment are the two pairs of arms wrapped around him, Carly’s soft whispers in his ear reminding him that he isn’t alone. He thinks he can hear Marcy singing on the other side of him, but everything else besides Carly’s voice is so muffled he isn’t entirely certain. Mac’s shoes are the only part of their team leader he can see, planted firmly on the ground wherever it is he’s sitting across from the three of them on the couch. He clings to the girls’ arms around him, but it doesn’t help. Not as much as he needs it to. Emotions swell in his chest again before—

“No-” He’s startled awake, heart racing as someone catches him before he falls completely out of his chair. Eyes sweep across the room, wide as they land on Mac—the one who apparently kept him from falling onto the floor.

“It was just a dream, Philip.”

“Wh- uh, yeah- a dream,” he agrees, wiping the back of his hand across his face. It was a dream, but it was also one of the handful of visions he’s had over the last few days involving Trevor’s potential fates. And it’s definitely the worst one, without question. “How long have I been asleep?”

“A couple hours. Passed out almost as soon as you finished the third carton of food.”

“Everything okay over there?” Trevor’s voice cuts in, immediately drawing his attention to the Engineer.

Philip pulls himself out of Mac’s hold and returns to Trevor’s side, fingers ghosting across his jaw. “How’re you doing?”

“It’s…weird,” Trevor admits with a shrug. “Never really understood what she went through until now. Not sure which side of this I dislike more.”

“Good thing we’re almost done,” Grace chips in from the computer. He’d almost forgotten she was there, with how surprisingly quiet she’s been. “Just gotta hang in there a little longer, Trev.”

His hand gets caught in Trevor’s and they smile at each other. “I’m doing my best.”

---

“Alright,” Grace announces as Trevor comes out of his most recent freeze. “That should be enough data for Ilsa to work with.”

Ten minutes later, Mac and Grace are off to meet Teslia, and Carly and Marcy are huddled in a corner of the garage, giving the two of them a little bit of privacy at the table to talk.

“I couldn’t have made it better myself,” Trevor praises, making him smile.

“Let’s just hope it works.”

“What if it doesn’t? What if all of this was for nothing? There’s still a chance I won’t make it out of this, Phil.”

“At least we tried something.”

“But would it have been worth it? What you said last night- about being afraid-”

Philip shakes his head. “No, Trev. I mean, yeah, I’m still terrified that this might not work. But it’ll be easier to deal with it knowing we actually tried than just give up.” Fingers tap against the tabletop for a moment. “I won’t be carrying around the guilt of giving up I would’ve had if we didn’t do any of this.”

“Phil-”

“The dream I had earlier? It was of one of the visions I’ve had about this. We lost you. It didn’t work, and we lost you for good. And it fucking hurt, I won’t lie, but there wasn’t an ounce of guilt in all that pain. And I know you know me well enough to know what guilt does to me. How badly I react to it. Remember Aleksander? Losing you and doing nothing to try and prevent it when we had the possibility to would’ve led me down the exact same path. Only I would’ve made it absolutely certain I succeeded this time.”

Silence falls between them as the heaviness of his admission hangs in the air. Trevor reaches across the table and laces their fingers together. “If I make it through this, remind me to-”

He sighs, pulls his hand free, and moves around the table to press a kiss to Trevor’s forehead before going to join the girls, not wanting to be alone with his current thoughts right now.

---

“So?” Philip inquires as soon as Grace and Mac return from Teslia’s lab. He and the girls crowd around Trevor, still frozen at the table.

“The Director has given its consent to let us go through with the procedure,” Mac explains. “We did it. We changed its mind. At first I wasn’t so sure it would, but it worked.”

“What are you all waiting for?” Grace nearly barks out, making everyone jump. “Get on with it! Stop standing around and get this thing going! We’ve got an Engineer to save.”

---

Everyone’s hovering around Trevor as he comes out of sedation, Marcy keeping him calm as he does so.

“How do you feel?” Mac asks.

Trevor groans. “Tired.” He looks around at everyone, obviously confused. “What’s going on?”

Marcy smiles. “The procedure was successful.”

Philip’s smile grows when their eyes meet, and he steps forward as Trevor sits up, reaching behind his ear to feel the implant now in place. Philip’s hand settles on his knee, visibly relieved that everything worked out.

“The Director-?”

“It consented,” Grace confirms. “We managed to change its mind. Took a little convincing, but I’m pretty persuasive when I want to be.”

“Alright, that’s Protocol 5,” Mac interjects after a moment of silence and everyone moves to head out.

Marcy’s hand settles on Trevor’s arm. “Let me know if anything feels off. Anything at all.” She looks up at Philip. “And you let me or Carly know if you need anything.”

He smiles. “I will. Thanks, Marce.”

Five minutes later, the garage is empty save for its usual occupants, both still in their same spots at the operating table. “How are you feeling?”

“Head’s a little sore, but that’s it. Was this one of your visions?”

Philip grins and laughs a little. “Not this part exactly, but it working, yeah. I preferred to focus on that one instead of most of the others. It was the most fun one.” A questioning brow raises, making him chuckle again. He leans in to kiss Trevor, hand curling loosely around the side of his neck. “I’m so fucking happy it worked.”

Hands tangle in his hair, foreheads press together, and they stay like that for a long moment, simply enjoying the ability to still do so.

“Tell me about the vision for this reality.”

He scoffs, laughs softly. “Remember last night?” Trevor hums in confirmation. “Basically that…but we didn’t exactly make it upstairs first…or at least I assume it goes that way. All I ever saw was us stumbling into my old room before fading out.”

“You’re right, that does sound fun.” Trevor pulls back, fingers run through his hair as they look at one another. “How are you doing? I know this has been quite emotional for you.”

“I’m good.” He smiles at the look Trevor gives him. “I’m serious. The device works. The implant was successful. The Director was okay with it. You’re right here. There’s no reason for me to not be good right now.”

“Sounds like I’ve started to rub off on you a bit.”

Philip laughs. “Maybe a little.”

[ndrv3winterexchange]

wool and chocolate [kuzuhina; fluff; warm and fuzzy as heck]

hi there, umeko ( @umekopyan )!!! you asked for something fluffy with kuzuhina, so i tried my best to deliver. it was my first writing this ship, so i hope i didn’t fail too badly c; anyway, please enjoy your gift! <3

“Y'know what?”

“There’s an enormous chance that I do know, but, please, feel free to enlighten me.”

Rolling his eyes, Fuyuhiko elbows Izuru in the ribs, more out of habit than annoyance, then sips his lemonade and says,

“Call me a fuckin’ sap, but I kinda miss winter.”

Izuru’s brows twitch a little. So - he’s surprised. A lot. Or maybe he’s not surprised, but only decided to move his brows for one of those reasons that make no sense now, but will later turn out to be vital to the fate of the entire universe or some shit. Who the fuck knows.

As the boy besides him busies himself with, who the hell knows, compressing the new input data, Fuyuhiko digs his fingertips into the warm sand and shifts them a bit, enjoying how the light grains feel, all airy and nice, and then moves on to enjoying how this entire situation feels - shit, it’s almost December, and here he is, on a tropical island, with his friends, his partner (he will not call Hajime nor Izuru a boyfriend. He will not.) and Nanami’s AI keeping him company, chilling underneath the blazing sun and occasionally sending Naegi and co. ideas on how to un-fuck up the world.

“I presume you mean the atmosphere of the winter and not the weather, right?” Izuru slips the sunglasses onto his nose. “As a person of a quite… short and thin stature, you must get cold quite easily, right? And that is not a pleasant feeling.” He pauses for a second, nods to himself and adds, completely putting out Fuyuhiko’s ebbing offense, “I think.”

“You think?!”

Time, just like it always does, passes. The small conversation is gradually forgotten as Fuyuhiko finds himself dealing with more pressing issues, such as talking Naegi out of the mindset that reopening Hope’s Peak without any changes to its regulations would be a good idea.

Don’t tell anyone about it, but Fuyuhiko ends up calling Naegi’s associate (yeah, just like that, associate, all ambiguity implied), the original Togami kid, and having him conspire with that asshole Munakata. In the end, though, it works out. Naegi has a nice, long, public speech about how Hope’s Peak will now be open for everyone, that the classrooms will be named after perished Future Foundation workers, society this, equality that. Cool. And people seem to dig it, of course.

Then, the next week, Koizumi relapses and hits Sonia over the head with her shitty Polaroid camera, giving her a nasty concussion. Both girls end up in the hospital, one unconscious, another restrained in her bed and sobbing. Hajime swears a blue streak, then squeezes Fuyuhiko’s hand and gives place to Izuru. He spends the entire night examining Sonia while his partner spends the night at Peko’s cottage, hiding worry behind irritation. In the end, though, it all turns out okay. Sonia’s hair, still short and messy after the haircut she had to give herself after waking up from the simulation, is now pressed to her skull with bandages, while Koizumi slowly picks herself back up and takes photos of tropical fruits and rare clouds.

Life goes on.

On the beautiful early morning of December the twenty fifth, Fuyuhiko wakes up to an empty bed. Usually, this wouldn’t concern him - Izuru likes going for morning runs - but last night Hajime said that Izuru’s tired of people and probably won’t show up for the next few days. And Hajime himself is the exact opposite of an early riser. So, all things considered; what the fuck.

To hell with that. Fuyuhiko can start thinking about it after he gets some coffee. Bleary-eyed and yawning, he throws the blanket off himself and shuffles to the door of his cottage. Opens it. Freezes.

It’s snowing. It’s. Fucking. Snowing. The cottages’ roofs are covered in white, the air whipping at him brings so much cold it almost makes him squeak (almost! almost, for fuck’s sake!), and just- What the hell.

“What the fuck.”

“Hi, Fuyuhiko,” Izuru says flatly, peeking out from behind the cottage next to theirs. His expression gives away no emotions - but the tone of his voice is almost fucking pleased. Fuyuhiko gapes at him, then points, rather dumbly, at the snow, then at the cloudy sky, then at Izuru, then, once again, at the snow. And Izuru nods. “As you can see - it worked. You got your winter.”

“How the fuck?!” Fuyuhiko screeches, half-convinced he’s gonna wake up from this goddamn dream any second now. “We’re by the fucking equator!”

“Two Super Highschool Level Lucks should not be underestimated,” Izuru says, thumping his chest in a decidedly Hajime-style gesture. Asshole.

Still. What the fuck.

Watching Saionji throw a snowball at an unexpecting Souda, Fuyuhiko snickers and moves away from the window, all toasty and happy in the hotel’s old building, with the chimney (honestly, the good luck) burning hot and filling the main room with a warm glow.

And then, to make the moment even more disgustingly sappy, Hajime hands him a cup of hot chocolate. Fuyuhiko nods in approval and pats his partner’s shoulder, sliding to the couch; Hajime sits by his side with his own mug. They sit for a while in pleasant silence, just enjoying the sheer absurdity of the situation - and each other’s presence too, Fuyuhiko supposes. They sip their drinks, watch the flames shimmy in the fireplace. People outside are laughing and shouting at each other; at one point, Sonia and Tanaka, red-cheeked and with matching grins, bust in, stay for ten minutes, ask Hajime to give Izuru his thanks for bringing the snow, then go back to do whatever the fuck they’ve been doing. Maybe drawing pentagrams in the snow to summon a winter tengu, or some creepy shit like that. When Fuyuhiko shares this theory, Hajime chokes on his chocolate and has to get a hearty pat on his back.

“Thanks,” Hajime wheezes out, reaching out to loop his arm around Fuyuhiko’s shoulder. “You’re awesome.”

“Says the guy who literally has all the talents available,” Fuyuhiko snorts, “including the ability to fucking make it snow on a tropical island.”

“What, you’re not enjoying this?” Oh shit, he looks troubled now. Good job, Kuzuryuu!

“Of course I am!” Fuyuhiko spits out, hastily adjusting his eyepatch. “I’m just really fucking confused, is all. But happy too!” he adds when he sees Hajime pout. “Thank you for breaking the laws of common sense just to give me some good memories, I guess.”

“Huh.” Hajime perks up. “You’re welcome. Now,” he stands up and offers Fuyuhiko his hand, “wanna go for a walk?”

“Hell yeah I do.” Smirking, Fuyuhiko intertwines his fingers with Hajime’s and gets to his feet.

The first thing that happens after they get outside is that Fuyuhiko gets hit with a strong blast of chill wind - and falls onto his ass. Hajime, the jackass, laughs so hard his legs give out and he ends up in the snow drift too.

“Rest in shit, Kuzuryuu,” he has the guts to say. Frowning, Fuyuhiko gets up and brushes the snow off himself, coming to the painful realization that  the cheap gloves he got in the supermarket ain’t exactly water-proof. Fuck.

“If I end up catching a cold, it’ll be your fault,” he grumbles. “And it’ll be your fucking duty to take care of me, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hajime reaches out to stick his hand in Fuyuhiko’s jacket pocket. “I can even wear a nurse costume.”

“I hope to fucking god you’re shitting me.”

“Who knows? Izuru wouldn’t have anything against dressing up, I suppose.”

“You’re a dick.”

“You love me though.” Hajime grins. “Wanna share a scarf?”

Fuyuhiko shrugs, then watches Hajime unwrap it from around his neck. It’s quite a bitching thing, tightly knitted and in a shade of green (olive? Avocado? Fuck, it’d be nice to have an avocado sandwich) that matches his eyes. Not like Fuyuhiko noticed that before, of course. He may be gay, but he isn’t, like, y'know. Gay.

“There we go.” Humming to himself, Hajime bundles the thing - Jesus Christ, it’s really fucking long (did he make it himself?!) - around Fuyuhiko’s, then around his own neck, and once again pushes his cold-ass palm into his partner’s pocket. This time - the back pocket on his pants.

“Smooth, Hinata,” Fuyuhiko drawls. “If I wasn’t that chill, I’d punch you in the face.”

“And you’d lose this,” Hajime tugs on the scarf, “source of warmth. I dunno if punching me would be worth it.”

“Right.” Rolling his eyes, Fuyuhiko wraps his fingers around Hajime’s elbow and pulls gently. “Let’s go for this fucking walk then.”

“Alright.” Hajime looks him in the eye (ha!) and smiles. It’s warm, bright and way too fucking gentle. Ugh. “Let’s go.”

[squirenonny]

Something from Nothing

A kind, anonymous donor on Ko-Fi requested Dualityverse Rolo post-Empire but pre-Nyma. Thank you for your support! [Read on AO3]

Rolo mastered the art of creating something from nothing at an early age. When he was eight, he’d fashioned a passable imitation of a soldier out of the lanky, funny-eyed halfbreed nobody who’d grown up in the Nursery. When he was nine, faced with the choice of victory or death, he’d carved out a third option for himself: escape. When he was ten, he’d built a functional ship from nothing but sad eyes, quick fingers, and the same stubbornness that had earned him so many punishments back in the Galra Empire.

Now he was sixteen, and attempting his greatest feat yet: creating food from the dust gathering in the corners of his stolen, patched-up ship.

“Are you sure you checked the secondary cargo hold?” Rolo called over his shoulder.

Beezer’s buzzing reply echoed in the large, empty space, and Rolo sighed.

“I don’t care if you’re not hungry. You don’t need to eat.”

Offended, Beezer chirruped a staccato retort.

Rolo turned, pulling off his cap to run his fingers through his hair. “Try?” he asked. “How’re you gonna try eating? You wanna shove some nutrient goo down your output slot? Cause I ain’t gonna be the one cleaning that out.”

Beezer gave a rather prim-sounding squelch as he emerged from behind a row of empty barrels. Rolo’s lips twitched.

“I’ll be sure to add taste simulator to the list. You want that before or after the wormholer?”

Beezer spat a length of tape out at him, then retracted it. It wasn’t a gesture Rolo had seen before from the little cyber-unit, but that was Beezer—always adapting. Rolo supposed the prickly attitude would have made this AI a bad fit for most jobs, which was how he’d managed to buy it from a pawn shop for less than a hundred GAC (stolen, of course; Rolo hadn’t cashed an honest paycheck in his life, and he wasn’t about to start now).

Whatever the case, Rolo was glad he’d picked that particular AI chip for his first attempt at a custom-built cyber unit. Despite the attitude, despite the admittedly poor dexterity afforded by the one-time cash register that served as Beezer’s chassis… Rolo wouldn’t trade Beezer for all the wealth in the universe.

Rolo had created a lot of things from nothing, but Beezer was without a doubt his finest work. Wasn’t every day a mongrel deserter carved out a space to call his own and built himself a family—however odd and smart-mouthed that family might be.

His stomach rumbled again, reminding him that, yes, he had let himself run out of rations again. He’d had to spend the last of his GAC on spare parts for the Harbinger after she’d gotten banged up in an encounter with some jumped-up renegades. They’d seen the Galran lettering on her hull and opened fire, never mind any ash-brain with a spark of ship-smarts could see she wasn’t standard-issue.

So now here he was: hungry, broke, hated by half the universe, and feared by the rest.

With a sigh, Rolo pushed away the crate of ragged tunics he’d been digging through. He stood, stretching his arms over his head. “All right. Time for us to find a nice, quiet swap moon where we can kick up a fuss.”

Well, the moon they found wasn’t exactly quiet, but it would do.

Rolo had held out some thought for smashing open a cash register to make a quick buck, but he couldn’t look at the vrekking things without thinking of Beezer. There was always picking pockets, he supposed, but that was far too likely to get him caught, as he’d never quite found the patience to learn the deft touch it required.

“That’s our last resort,” he’d told Beezer in an undertone. He was wrapped head to toe in an old, ragged gray cloak, the hood pulled up, with oversized gloves on his hands and a gutted Ventroivian respirator mask secured over his face. You never could be too careful when you were half Galra, whether this place turned out to be under Zarkon’s magnanimous rule or not. Best not to show a sliver of purple skin until he had his food and was on his way back to the little surface shuttle he’d brought down from the Harbinger. (A Galra ship was another thing it was best not to go flaunting where anyone might see.)

Beezer made the same suggestion he made any time they needed money, and Rolo rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, glad for the mask that hid his involuntary smile.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, bud, but swapping you for a regular cash register never works as well as you seem to expect.”

Beezer swung around in front of Rolo, his pixelated eye-screen dilating.

Rolo laughed, pushing him aside. “You been hanging out with somebody’s kits behind my back or something? Jeez, and here I thought I could avoid the whining and the begging if I stuck with inorganic lifeforms.” Beezer tipped himself just a little more to one side, wobbling on legs that were never meant to be legs at all, and Rolo reached out to steady him. “All right, all right. I still say a pity play’s the way to go, but we’ll do your thing before I try lifting a purse. Fair?”

Beezer chirped once, settling back in at his usual place, half a step behind Rolo and close enough to touch. Always close enough to touch. Neither of them was rich enough in luck or in friends to risk getting separated.

They spent some time just wandering the market—not the cleanest or the most organized place he’d been, but there was a certain kind of deliberation about it. Whoever ran this place ran a tight ship, and it drew a wider crowd than the starless pits he usually went to for supplies. He wouldn’t call anyone here an easy mark, but they could be taken if he was smart about it.

Eventually, he spotted them. A pair of Demxa, one a child, the other fully grown. They sat near a structure that might once have been a fountain, though it had since been turned into a planter full of hardy local shrubs. Demxa were amphibious species, though it was rare to see them this far from a hospitable lake or sea. The full body suits they wore would keep their skin moist, and the metallic crescents covering nose and mouth would adjust the humidity of the air to something less abrasive to their lungs.

And hey, if they could afford a getup like that, they couldn’t be hurting too bad for cash.

Rolo altered his breathing, making himself sound just a touch winded, and sat on the rim of the fountain-turned-planter with a soft grunt. The Demxa child leaned around their parent, black eyes wide and glistening in the synthetic sunlight overhead. The fin on their head, gray edged in teal, quivered as they looked at him, then up at their parent.

“Long way from home?” Rolo guessed, stooping down to be on a level with the child. “Such a brave kit you are.”

The parent shifted slightly, cutting off Rolo’s view of the child. “No farther than you, I’d guess.” Their voice was slightly garbled by their mask, but not so much so that his translator couldn’t pick out the words.

Rolo flashed a grin the Demxa couldn’t see. “No jobs on Ventroivia these days, specially not for kids like me with no training and no… higher connections. Gotta do what I can if I want to eat.” He tapped the side of his mask twice. “’s a shame no one wants to hire a kid they can’t even see.”

“Photosensitivity?” the Demxa asked.

“Atmospheric, actually. Too much oxygen. Can’t take this crud off without breaking out something awful, and I’d really rather keep my hide intact, if you know what I mean.”

They gave him a sympathetic look, and the child’s hand darted to the skin around their eyes—the only part of their body not kept constantly moist. The skin had a slightly chapped look to it, and it was red, like it had been the victim of constant rubbing.

Despite himself, Rolo felt a pang of sympathy.

“A-anyway.” He rubbed the back of his neck, or tried to. He’d forgotten about his cloak, and his fingers tangled in the hood, nearly pulling it off his head. “I, uh, had to sit down. Rest for a while.” He paused, every scrap of self-preservation yelling at him to finish the con and get away with his cash. “So what brings you all the way out to a place like this?”

“My mate,” the Demxa said. “They were taken by the Galra.”

The breath went out of Rolo, and with it, all thoughts of conning this family. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice dropping low.

The Demxa bowed their head. “We knew it was only a matter of time before they came for us, so… We left. Our passage only took us this far.”

“You have somewhere to go?”

“A contact on Ussa-4. But it’s a null point if we don’t find a ship that can get us there within three cycles, and no one here seems interested in moving refugees.”

“I’ve got a ship.”

The words were past Rolo’s lips before he could think better of them. Behind him, Beezer whistled in alarm. There were no real words to the whistle, just a general sense of, who’s conning who now?

Maybe he was right. But Rolo didn’t take back the offer.

The Demxa stared at him, hope warring with suspicion on their face. “For what price?”

“Food,” he said, one hand coming to rest over his gut. “I’d do it for one lousy meal, honestly, but I wouldn’t say no to more if you can spare it.”

Black eyes widened, the fin on their head quivering in what Rolo thought might be pity. Figured. He’d picked exactly the right mark, only his own vrekking conscience had to go and muck things up.

“All right,” the Demxa finally said. “Thank you.”

A short while later, they were loaded up, the Demxa and her kit with a few paltry backs of belongings, Rolo and Beezer with a solid two weeks worth of rations. Three if he stretched it.

Rolo kept his mask and robe on, claiming to have moderated the ship’s atmosphere as best he could for his guests. Beezer kept up a steady stream of complaints that soon devolved into grouchy cursing as he realized Rolo wasn’t backing down.

“It’s a short jump anyway,” Rolo reasoned, entering the coordinates. “We got our food, and, hey! We helped someone. That’s not half bad for a day’s work.”

Beezer made a sound very like a snort.

With a sigh, Rolo eased them into open space, then got their heading and engaged the sublight engines. “I know,” he said. “I know. But I couldn’t just leave ‘em. They’re just trying to survive, same as us.”

Beezer was silent and, glancing at the back of the cockpit to be sure he’d secured the door, Rolo let down his hood, took off his mask, and slouched down in his seat. He tipped his cap forward to cover his eyes.

“It’s a shit universe,” he said to no one in particular. “But that don’t mean I have to help it along.”

[qgaje8wz-blog]

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