#but i also still vividly remember in school my friend dreamed of getting her story published and gave it to ppl in class to read

[nerice]

i wonder how it must feel like to want to/enjoy sharing ur work with others because i fundamentally don't experience that

[just-a-dinosaur-i-guess]

tell about ur aus,,, go on

HELLO TY FOR THIS ASK

i have so fucking many aus so i'll ramble about a few

my latest one takes inspiration from this post and it's basically, dazai takes in atsushi and the akutagawa siblings, but realizing he can't really find a job to support all of them at once, he decides to go and (try to) reopen odasaku's favorite curry place. there are a few issues.

he is Not a great cook

atsushi can only make chazuke

aku and gin don't know how to cook

the place is kind of a mess

so eventually he goes and calls up chuuya and he's like "hey, you know how to cook, can you help me" problem is, chuuya's pissed at him bc THIS is when he calls him again and it's not an explanation of why he left, not a "sorry for blowing up ur car", not any of that, it's just another favor. so his immediate response is "fuck you, no" and dazai has to nag him into coming and helping, this being via taking some random pm member for hostage and specifically requesting that chuuya come pick him up

chuuya does indeed arrive, but he also breaks dazai's nose, so dazai ends up vaguely explaining with an ice pack on his face lmfao. this bit is what i have planned most vividly and is hopefully? gonna be a fic i publish. but also, later, ranpo ends up at the curry place and is like "damn you live like this" and dazai replies just kinda, "either order or get out" but ranpo offers him a better job (that being working at the ada), and while he hesitantly agrees, it's only a part time thing for the first bit. also although i haven't decided yet i think he might also end up finding kyouka before the pm gets to her and tachihara before the hunting dogs find him bc i am weak to 1. found family 2. BIG found families.

chuuya is absolutely fucking baffled when he runs into dazai during an ada job, btw.

"i thought you ran a fucking curry shop" "i do that too" "?? what the fuck" "it's called being a PART TIMER chibi" "i'm gonna break your nose again"

anyway next au!!

cowboy au (btw, they still have abilities) where nathaniel is a travellng priest looking for a doctor to cure margaret who's deathly sick, and he hasn't really been having any luck (he's been searching for months to no avail), and eventually at this one town it's like.. it's late at night, nathaniel's thirsty, he heads to the bar to get some water. nikolai promptly swaps their drinks, nathaniel drinks something really strong and passes the fuck out, wakes up to being in an inn room (with noteably less money) and storms the hell out of the building just to find nikolai petting his horse and acting all innocent about doing anything. nathaniel just tries to leave, nikolai follows, and they travel like that for a bit (occasionally trying to kill each other) before they get the third member of their dysfunctional little party

do you remember that one kid fyodor killed?

this little guy (karma), is a pickpocket who steals nathaniel's bible in the hopes of selling it to get food. the two find him, both kinda realize his situation and while nathaniel is about to point him in the direction of the town's local church nikolai goes "fuck that" and just straight up kidnaps him, and they keep traveling. nathaniel and nikolai are mutually, regrettably, falling for one another, but this just manifests as more murder attempts, to the point that one night, nathaniel tries to strangle nikolai, nikolai wakes up and strangles him back, and when nathaniel passes out he fucking dreams about nikolai and is HORRIFIED. things only get worse and gayer from there and i also think they go on a train at some point.

karma's enjoying the horse rides at least, and there's some other characters that show up though tbh idk who besides this one dazai scene and gin at one point

okay this other au is shorter, but basically: ada kajii. this is built off of SO many headcanons, but essentially kajii's backstory is just the lemon short story. except that kajii never found lemons, bc instead kunikida (his old friend/school friend that fell out of contact with him) reaches out, they become friends again, and so when kunikida joins the ada, so does kajii. kajii works as a clerk bc, like, he doesn't. know he has an ability. Oh Boy Does He Get A Surprise during dead apple

okay i was gonna talk about my eternal winter au but that would be an essay /lh

SO instead!! shiburan au, an au i never. properly named beyond that it's a shibusawa x ranpo focused au. also co owned with my bestie @feralshadowdemon <33

basically, yokohama is a smaller, calmer seaside town, no abilities or anything. shibusawa moves in, working at the pet shop across the street from this coffee shop that's connected to a bookstore. the coffee shop is run by (most of) the ada, and the bookstore is run by yokomizo; mushitaro and poe work there. the members of the ada who work at the coffee shop are fukuzawa (he owns it), ranpo, kunikida, and yosano. dazai is fukuzawa's newest adopted kid, and ran away from home. (he was living with mori (and elise) before) yosano Understands his situation, having done the same years before.

ranpo starts going over to the pet shop a lot, both bc he's running errands (fukuzawa owns three cats) and bc he likes talking to shibusawa. they eventually exchange phone numbers and start texting. in the background of this, btw, is soukoku: they had a messy breakup years ago, they act like they don't like each other, etc etc normal skk things. the flags are a biker gang who are alive and well here, and chuuya hangs out with them a lot. dazai is a bit jealous of them, ranpo knows this, and so when chuuya starts volunteering at the pet shop, ranpo brings dazai along on an errand run so the two run into each other again. they start talking again, slowly bonding again by virtue of wingmaning shiburan

also misc details

dazai and aku are just. they are just friends here :)

aku and tachi are friends!! also higugin is real

the akutagawa siblings live with hirotsu

fukuchi is the hunting dogs' dad; except for tetchou, who's jouno's boyfriend. he has stricter parents.

fukuchi here is a retired military veteran AND ex movie star. his movies are awful /aff

shibusawa has a pet cornsnake named draconia

odango is engaged here but oda travels a lot so they haven't got married yet

ango works in an office in the big city, but he visits dazai sometimes. they are friends

bramcraft is married, they adopted aya

kyouka and kenji also live with fukuzawa!! twincoded tbh

kyouka has narcolepsy

there is so much more but i have been writing this post for an hour SO just shoot me (another) ask if you're curious :D

and yeah that's some of my aus!! i have a masterpost of all of them slowly being built in my drafts hehe

[secretlittlediary]

Story of My Life

The Spoiled Kid

Growing up with disney princess and telenovelas, I always dreams on having my kind of prince charming. someone who adore me, someone who care for me, someone who think I am his world. this feeling might be because I often feel alone at home, with the parents that always absent.

Dreams came true when I was in 4th grade! I had somebody who is attracted to me! ME! back then I always think that I am ugly, coz I wear glasses, and I was extremely thin. I feel like I look a lot like a loser, someone who are supposed to be bullied. Well, someone certainly did not think so!

We were in the same class, I remember that he is annoying. He would always brag that their family have this, and that, that he went on vacation abroad and else, and he make fun of my eyes because it's big. childish? yes coz we were a child. I only found out that he liked me when his best friend told the whole class about it. Later that year, this boy invited everyone to his birthday party in his home. like I said, spoiled. And he do have a lot of nice things! I remember thinking his house is so big and nice, that is when I realize that being rich is nice 😂.

ever since that birthday party, my classmate started to kind of be our matchmaker, they ship us together. and I kinda enjoy the attention they give to me, or us. he would call my house number once every few days (kids don't have their own cellphone back in the day). sometimes his parent would tell him to hurry coz the phone bills is kind of expensive at that time 😂. I think it's cute that he made the effort to call me, even though we really did not have a real conversation on the phone coz I was extremely shy back then and did not say a thing. every night I would wait and wish he would call me after dinner, also I always get worried if my parents asked who was calling me. every morning, school get a little bit better because of him. I started to look forward to lunch break because he will always waited for me to join the games. I remember he would brush his hand over my hand when we get a chance. cheesy i know, but keep in mind, we were only 4th graders, so it felt very dangerous if we were seen by other classmates 😂. We would also exchange small letter in class. One time the teacher found our letter and read it in front of the class, which made me want to disappear right away. but we weren't the only one whose letter being read, so I move past it. My mom had a little shop at the local mall at that time. sometimes I would be there at weekend. I vividly remember he visit me one time, so we were technically dating at the mall. but like I said, I was awfully quiet, so again we only met in silence. what a weird kind of relationship I had.

This happen for a few years, even after we graduate elementary. But things went south in JHS. I was put in different class from mr. spoiled, and 2 of my best friend, they were at the same class while I'm not close to anyone in my class. after a few weeks, phone calls stop. the one who break the sad news to me was my best friend let's call her Ms. Fun, coz she was fun. She dragged me and gave me a letter from Mr Spoiled stating that we should break up. I swear I see it coming, because we did not have a single conversation for a few months. but I still wondering why he loose interest. was it because he met another girl from his class, or I was too quiet, only God knows. even if our relationship is weird, I was still devastated, after all, he was the first guy who like me.

having someone adoring me, is kind of addicting. it makes me feels important, it make me feel like I had a purpose, it gives me hope to go through the day. all thanks to Mr spoiled.

newsflash: we went to the same Uni! together with Ms. Fun too! tho it was still awkward at first, but we became good friend at the end. He was married to a girl from our high school a few month ago! she is the sweetest!! And I am truly happy for them!

[thefoxandthepenguine]

Your Name Engraved Herein (Part 1)

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: You have known Wanda since you were ten until destiny drifted you apart. What would happen when you meet her twelve years later after you join the avengers?

Warnings: Mention of blood and death, bullying, fluff

Word count: 3.2k

a/n: Here comes Wanda! I had a brief idea of how this story should go but it's still a bit messy in my brain. So feel free to tell me what you think about this setting by commenting, reblogging or sending me ask! Btw I dunno anything about Russian so I just google translate it. Please tell me if I made any mistake. And also lemme know if you want to be added in the tag list :)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Christmas Spin-off

Chapter 1

Novi Grad, Sokovia, 1999

You did not remember exactly when was the last time you spoke. It was probably the night when you had the last supper with your family.

It was a regular dinner, as normal as it could be. You were sharing what happened that day with your parents when they tried to correct your pronunciation and grammar as usual, “you had lunch at school with Mila, not ‘have lunch in school’, honey.”

You grumbled annoyingly, “why would I have to learn English anyway?”

Your parents exchanged chuckles and held your palm on the table. “Because your mama and papa teach English at school? Now try that again.”

You were going to retort, but the next thing you knew, something blew up at your ears and a sharp pain surged through your body. Everything went dark the next moment.

//

You struggled to open your eyes. The dining room you sat in moments ago was devastated now. When your gaze fell to the ground, you found your parents buried deep down under the debris. Light was dimming in their eyes, blood was draining away from their bodies and their skin grew paler as time passed by.

“Mama…papa…” As you moved your fingers to reach for them, a burning pain coursed through your body.

You tried to scream for help until you realized it was pointless. Nobody could hear you under the piles of rubber with people screaming everywhere and bombs going off nearby. Your eyes grew heavy as you felt something warm running across your face.

“Somebody please…”

Yes. This was probably the last time you spoke.

//

Every time when you closed your eyes, you could see your parents’ lifeless faces vividly. Sleeping itself was a nightmare to you, let alone the dreams. You thought of asking for help, from someone. Anyone.

But it did not matter anyway.

The nurses and doctors in the hospital were too busy to address you. The adults from the government department would simply pet your hair and tell you it was going to be fine, a lot of children experienced the same thing as you did, and you were going to live with them. You were going to make a lot of friends.

You tried to open your mouth to say something but nothing came out. The woman’s brows snapped together so you forced a halfhearted smile at her before she turned around and repeated exactly the same thing to the child lying on the bed next to you. But if you knew any better what she meant by ‘friends’, you would probably save it to yourself.

//

You felt something hit you hard on your temple as you walked into the hall for lunch. Your head was still a bit dizzy from the blow when someone bumped into your shoulder, and you fell hard on the ground.

You heard footsteps surrounding you the next second. “я сказал тебе, она не заговорит! (I told you, she won’t speak)” Someone grabbed your hair from behind and the others just cheered for whoever did that.

It started with gossiping around you when the children found out you did not talk, and it did not take long for everything to become physical once they figured out you would not snitch on them.

A voice froze everyone in the hall when you were expecting a hit on your stomach, “выстроиться в очередь и получить свою еду! (Line up and get your food)”

You noticed two children, a boy and a girl, staring at you from a distance when the others fled away. You had never seen them before. However, they turned away in sync when they felt your eyes on them.

Madame Vasiliev looked down at you, “и вам того же. (You as well)” You nodded without saying anything and walked to the end of the queue.

//

A sigh of exhaustion let out when you stepped into the dormitory and saw your blanket and pillow scattered on the floor, along with your books and almost everything you had under your bed. The girls snickered when they saw you frowned.

You tried hard to fight back the tears in your eyes when you picked up your belongings from the floor. The girl you saw in the afternoon was sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, which was still empty till yesterday as no one was willing to sleep besides you.

She looked at you in silence as you put the pillow and blanket back on the bed. She was probably regretting picking this bed the moment she realized you slept next to her.

You lay on the bed and covered your head with the blanket as the light turned off in the dormitory. You could not help the tears falling out from your eyes eventually.

//

You were surprised to find Madame Vasiliev when you entered the hall for breakfast the next morning.

You were relieved. That meant no beating up. In the morning.

You were sitting in the corner, eating alone when someone grabbed your bread from the plate. You looked up instinctively to search for Madame Vasiliev, only to find her gone already.

It was the new boy you saw yesterday. He was gloating over the bread in his hand. “What you doing Pietro?” You saw the girl approaching his back from behind. You were surprised to find her talking in English. That was the first time you heard English since your parents died.

The boy, Pietro you assumed, split the bread into halves and handed one of them to the girl. “Look what I found сестра! (sister)”

Oh…so they were siblings.

“Where did you-?” The girl stared at Pietro in confusion, her brows knitted until she met your gaze and noticed the empty plate in front of you. “Give it back to her!” You could still tell she was furious even though she lowered her voice.

“But I’m hungry! Don’t worry Wanda. She can’t talk! She won’t tell Madame Vasiliev.” Pietro tried to persuade her but Wanda just glared at him.

“Leave her alone, Pietro! I’ll give you mine in lunch.” Pietro pouted at his sister and grimaced at you before putting the bread back onto your plate.

You blinked in confusion at what had just happened. You met Wanda’s gaze again and she was looking at you apologetically. “Я сожалею о том, что он сделал. (I’m sorry for what he had done)”

You looked down at your lap and fidgeted your fingers. You could tell she was turning around and leaving at the peripheral of your vision. You tried to open your mouth -

“Thank you.” Your voice was raspy, probably because you had not spoken in a long time.

Wanda turned around and you could tell she was shocked to hear your voice.

You were shocked to hear your voice.

“So you can speak. And in English.” She tilted her head and sized you up in interest.

“I-I…”

“Wanda! Leave her there!” You were cut off by Pietro who grabbed Wanda’s wrist and urged her to leave. “The others are looking!”

It was when you looked around and felt people’s gaze on you. You looked down on your bread again and Wanda was no longer next to you anymore.

//

You were not sure why you did that. But you followed Wanda all the way once breakfast time was over. You stood right behind her when you were lining up. You left your usual spot and sat at the other end of the long table where Wanda was during lunch. You grabbed a book and stayed in the same corner with her during free time.

You could feel Pietro’s glare on you everytime when you were around, but you chose to ignore that.

Both Pietro and Wanda did not talk to you though. It was until Wanda finished her dinner first and went to place her utensils in the cart when Pietro sat down next to you, “if you walk closer to my sister again, I’ll beat you. We aren’t friends even though she helped you.”

He left you alone when Wanda returned back to her seat. You tried to glance at her from the corner of your eyes, but all you could see was Pietro gesturing his fist towards you. You drifted your gaze immediately and did not dare to look at Wanda again.

//

Wanda was watching the television with her parents and Pietro in the living room. The four of them. Until the Stark Industry shell hit their house.

“Mama…papa…”

She hid under the bed with Pietro as the second shell hit their house, landing just three feet away from her face.

The red light on the shell was blinking and beeping fiercely as time passed by. When she thought the bomb was going to go off, everything blurred and she was watching the television again. The four of them.

“No…please no…”

A gentle pat on her arm roused Wanda from her sleep. She sprang open her eyes, her chest heaving, and she could feel her pillow dampened. Wanda tried to catch her breath as she felt someone tightened the grip on her hand. It was the girl sleeping next to her bed, looking worriedly at her.

“I’m sorry…did I wake you?” Wanda whispered. The girl just smiled sheepishly and shook her head.

The girl hummed a lullaby softly. It was so soft that Wanda almost missed it if she was not standing next to her bed. But still, she recognized the song. It was the one her mum used to sing to Pietro and her when they were small.

Her eyes grew heavy again. This time she did not wake until the morning.

Wanda was the first to wake up in the dormitory. She looked at the bed next to her instinctively but only to find it empty. She scanned the room and found the girl dozing off on the ground, holding her knees to herself and curling up like a ball.

She was about to wake her when Madame Vasiliev rushed in. “вставайте, дамы! (Get up ladies)”

//

Wanda walked into the hall with Pietro for breakfast. She was expecting the girl to sit at the same table with her as yesterday. Yet she was sitting in her usual corner again. Alone.

“I think she will sit with us.”

“She better not.” Pietro mumbled when he was popping the food into his mouth.

“Pietro!” Wanda sized his brother up suspiciously, “did you do anything to her?”

“…No!” Pietro choked on the water and avoided eye contact with her.

“You’re a terrible liar.” Wanda shook her head and looked over her shoulder again. The girl was picking up her bread from the ground and looked hesitantly at it. Wanda was not sure if she dropped it by herself accidentally or if anyone did it on purpose. “Is she going to -”

Wanda grabbed her plate and moved across the room. Pietro was shocked as she stood up from the seat and tried to stop her from behind, “Wanda!”

The girl was startled when she sat across the table. Wanda split her bread into halves and handed one of them to the girl, “don’t eat the food that fell on the ground.”

The girl did not reach for the bread. Instead, she glanced timidly at Pietro who sighed and sat next to her sister unwillingly.

“Take it.” Wanda forced the bread into her hand. “He’s Pietro Maximoff. I’m Wanda. We’re twins.”

“I'm twelve minutes older than her.” Pietro propped his chin on his hand.

“Pietro!”

The girl in front of them chuckled and whispered, “I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

//

Novi Grad, Sokovia, 2002

Wanda lay on the ground with you, both of you spacing out.

“I wonder when we can leave this place,” you mumbled when staring at the sky.

Wanda chuckled softly and turned her face at you. “You’ve been repeating the same thing for three years, Y/N.”

“And yet I’m still here.” You sighed and stretched yourself on the ground.

“What do you want to do if you can leave?”

“I want to eat cake. Chocolate cake.” You ran your hand in your hair embarrassingly when Wanda laughed at your answer.

“Y/N! Мадам Васильева ищет тебя! (Madame Vasiliev’s looking for you)” A girl shouted when running past you.

Thanks to Pietro’s friendship with the boys…and the girls in the orphanage, the kids left you alone since the Maximoffs hung out with you. They did not become friends with you, but neither were they as hostile as they were when you first moved here.

Wanda and you exchanged glances with each other, both of you frowning. “Why does Madame Vasiliev want to see you?”

You shrugged with confusion before getting up. “I’ll meet you later.”

Wanda nodded and waved goodbye at you.

//

You knocked on the door and waited for the “come in” before turning the handle.

You saw Madame Vasiliev sitting in her usual spot, as well as two adults sitting across from her in the guest chairs. They turned around and smiled at you as you stepped into the room.

You recognized they were the visitors last week. The children were so excited as they came since they were generous in giving out snacks and stationery. Some of them still talked about their visit till now.

“Good evening, Madame Vasiliev. Good evening, Sir and Madame.” You fidgeted your fingers behind your back nervously when you greeted them, not sure if you had done anything wrong on the day of their visit.

Three of them nodded and smiled satisfactorily at you as Madame Vasiliev gestured you to walk closer and stand next to her.

“Y/N, I believe you remember Sir and Madame Fedorov visited us last week. They’re actually here looking for a child to adopt.” Your eyes widened in surprise at what Madame Vasiliev was insinuating.

The lady, Madame Fedorov, walked closer and knelt down in front of you to meet your gaze. “I can’t wait for you to join our family!” She was smiling softly when talking to you.

You could feel your heart beating fiercely as Madame Vasiliev continued to speak, “you’re leaving with Sir and Madame Fedorov tomorrow. Go back to your room and get yourself ready.”

You nodded dumbly until Madame Vasiliev waved you off. Both Sir and Madame Fedorov hugged you before you left the room.

It was like a dream. Everything was perfect. More than perfect.

You had been living here for three years and you understood how rare a child could be adopted in times like this. Most of all, the man and the woman seemed nice and wealthy enough to provide you a better life out of this cage.

But then why did your stomach twitch all the way when you were walking into your dormitory?

//

All the girls stopped chatting the moment you stepped into the room. You could feel their gaze on your back as you shoved your belongings into a bag.

You looked over to the bed next to you, only to find Wanda’s back at you. You tried to whisper her name a few times but she did not respond. Maybe she was asleep already. You wondered if she knew you were leaving tomorrow.

//

You could not sleep.

It had been a while since the light turned off in the dormitory, and yet you could not sleep even though you knew tomorrow was going to be a big day. You could not afford to screw it up.

Your mind was drifting as you felt someone slid into your blanket. You moved to the side to free the space for her. Just as usual.

“I thought you’re asleep.” You whispered and turned around to look at Wanda, but she had her eyes squeezed shut.

Neither of you spoke for a while until Wanda broke the silence, “when are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“That’s fast.”

You nodded without saying anything. You thought she fell asleep again until you saw the tears falling from the corner of her eyes and dampened your pillow.

Wanda still had her eyes squeezed shut.

“Wanda…” You squeezed her hand under the blanket and snuggled closer to her.

“I’m happy for you, Y/N.” Wanda finally opened her eyes and forced a reassuring smile at you. “You can finally leave this place.”

“I’ll miss you,” you whispered and tried to wipe your own tears running down your cheeks with your sleeves. But they just kept falling.

“I-I’ll miss you too. Just…remember to write to me and tell me what you’ve done outside.” Tears were shimmering in her eyes.

“I will.”

//

Most of the children went to the front door the next day when you were going to leave. You knew they did not come to say goodbye to you, but just to admire the car and in hopes of getting some more candies.

Your gaze swept over the crowd to look for Wanda. However, you could only find Pietro forcing his way through the crowd and wrapped you up in a tight hug.

“I’ll miss you. Take good care of yourself Pietro…and Wanda as well.” You tried hard to hold back the tears as you pulled away.

“You too Y/N. I told Wanda to come down and say goodbye to you. But I guess she’s too upset.”

You nodded but you still looked at the crowd instinctively for one last time, hoping to see her face at the last minute.

No such luck.

Sir and Madame Fedorov urged you to get in the car and you complied eventually.

//

2 days later

You found Wanda leaning against the corridor when you walked out of Madame Vasiliev’s room.

You almost lost your balance when Wanda threw herself at you the moment she saw you. “I don’t believe Pietro when he told me you’re back…what happened Y/N?”

“I-uh…I suppose I’m not their ideal daughter,” you tried to laugh it off and turned your face slightly to the left as Wanda pulled away.

You were hoping she would not notice the mark but apparently you underestimated her. “Wh-what happened?” You hissed when Wanda tried to touch your face, “did they - oh my god…did they hit you?”

“What’s your punishment again Y/L/N?” You froze when you heard the door slammed open behind you.

“No food for three days. And I have to clean the orphanage until you tell me to st-”

Madame Vasiliev slapped you in your face again before you could finish the sentence. “Then why are you still standing here? Do. It. Now!” Madame Vasiliev almost forced the word out through her clenched jaw and you could feel your face burning, from both pain and embarrassment.

You nodded and ran off immediately as you heard footsteps following you in the back.

Wanda grabbed your wrist when you turned around the corner. “Y/N…your face…What should I…”

You flashed a reassuring grin to her. “Don’t worry. It’s…I-it’s nothing.”

Wanda’s eyes welled up. “Don’t lie to me! Madame Vasiliev was never so angry at you! What did you-did you do anything to them?”

“I…I called them ‘Сволочь (scum)’.”

“What-why?” Wanda’s jaw was dropping on the ground and you could not help yourself but giggled.

“I think…uh it’s because they stink.”

Both of you burst into laughter so hard that you forgot the pain on your face for a while.

[silvia7272]

Miraculess Ladybug Salt AU: You Always Liked To Play With Fire ~ The Prologue

Hey everyone, this is a new story I wanted to introduce to you all.

I’ve been putting everything in a massive word doc because I had so many ideas and finally settled on putting it out today because it's my birthday. 29th, I may have updated it late.

Yay.

So as a special treat, here’s a new series with a few original characters, ones you know or have been changed ever so slightly to fit, in a Miraculess world. (haha, you see what I did there? No… I’ll leave)

Also for anyone new, I’m a multi-shipper so I ship my characters with a bunch of other people, as I like Lukanette (Fandom Version), Daminette (Fandom Version), Felinette (PV Fandom Version), Marichat (Fandom Version) and I guess Rosannette. What’s Rosannette? Well, I guess you’ll have to find out, won’t you? (also no that’s not a typo, it is Rosannette)

Also, I guess this will just have the usual salt, maybe more, I don’t know. I kinda want it to just be about these two.

Word Count: 3912

Note: I haven’t tagged anyone just in case, this is a different series from my other, I just got really excited and wanted to write it. If you still wish to be tagged for this story please say and specify.

Also: This is a salt story, it will have OOC moments from everyone so it will be classed as an AU. If you don’t want to read that’s fine, and have a nice day.

Well, I hope you’ll enjoy it.

This is for all the people that might prefer Rosinette (like from the songfic) instead, I don’t mind but it won’t be in my main series, so I hope this will satisfy you.

(Word of warning, I believe this will be an AU where the Miraculous don’t exist, and non-canon to my official story and I believe mentions of a panic attack might be lightly mentioned, don’t know if it is, but if someone could check and I’ll make the warning clearer that would be nice)

Summary: 

(Fire doesn't exactly have anything to do with this story I just really liked the title)

Note: This book contains OOC scenes of Miraculous Ladybug as well as a ton of salt, so if you don't like that stuff you may scroll past and have a nice day.

In a world with no Miraculous, no Hawkmoth and no Ladybug, how does our little heroine do?

Well, it usually would be hanging out with her friends, as any other teenager would do...

But, of course, this wasn't normal. 

This was reality. It was cold, hard and definitely not welcome.

So, when this girl wishes to have some kind of adventure in her boring, mundane life...

How long does it take for her to regret it?

***

Memories, it's such a simple word yet it holds so much meaning. One could either wish to forget everything from their life, and simply move forward so they could pursue their dreams. Or, simply relish in the past when they remembered how great it was, all the friends they had made, all the moments they had which were too good to let go.

.

But, I guess sometimes, you did have to let go. But let go of what exactly? Let go of all the happiness once you knew how it would end? No that would be too harsh and you’d turn bitter. Let go of all the sadness? But, wasn’t it an important life lesson to learn, sometimes, you just have to be sad because of the situation at hand. No amount of croissants or macarons would be able to lift your spirits back.

.

Or maybe that was too much of a specific example.

That was what Marinette had thought, staring at an empty glass so intently the man behind made himself disperse from the amount of time the unblinking woman just stared and never flinched.

She guessed it hadn’t all been bad, she at least had some form of happiness before it was violently ripped away, but part of her wondered, what would’ve happened if she never felt that type of happiness before? Would she have felt like she had for so long, was it the fact that she knew what being happy was like before worse? Because, as depressing as it sounded, if she hadn’t been as happy, would she have been as upset?

She would never know, she couldn’t go back in time since that was impossible, but the thought always came and went whenever she was alone with her thoughts.

So… Maybe it was for the best, that she was able to remember what real happiness felt like.

The tight feeling in your chest, butterflies in your stomach, face being so red anyone would worry if the bluenette had caught a cold instead-

Wait- this was an oddly specific kind of happiness she felt, surely she must’ve gotten mixed up with some other felling right?

Right!?

So, how come she was feeling this- incredibly bright heat from her cheeks when she felt a hand on her shoulder?

We may need to go back several years.

***

In a classroom in Collège Françoise Dupont, a young pigtailed girl sat at the back, tears silently falling onto her knees and bawled up fists. She didn’t see any use of wiping them away, since they would just come back anyway, and it would be useless to just repeat that endless cycle. She hadn’t looked around to see anyone else’s faces, they would either just ignore her, or taunt her for just crying, for just being human.

Now you may be wondering why she was so upset? What possibly could’ve happened to make our very cheerful and sunshiny girl become so hunched over she was practically crying her eyes out? Well, the answer lies on the one girl at the front. The one girl sitting in an all too familiar place. The one girl who just ruined all of her newfound friendships.

Lila Rossi.

And boy had she hated that name.

She couldn’t stand that smirk, that thief, that scandal!

And what exactly did she do?

.

She lied.

Now you may be thinking that may not have been all that bad, but it was.

Every time she opened her mouth, everyone would fawn around her, even Alix, the one who seriously couldn’t care about anything to do with glamourous celebrities, was hanging on the edge of her seat to hear one of Lila’s so-called stories. She just had to guess Lila held up a treat over her head to keep her being obedient enough.

She hated Lila so much because she was just using everyone to get an easy life at school, the fastest way towards popularity she guessed, but why she thought this was the fastest way was beyond her.

She hated Lila because she had spread so many lies, so many rumours, all about her. All so out of the realm it was such a surprise they all believed her without a shred of evidence.

It had happened so fast, one day, they were all friends, smiling and laughing like there was no tomorrow, the next, she was surrounded by those faces, those faces of disgust and hatred. As if she had committed even the worst of crimes, more so than Chloé, speaking of, who was absolutely enjoying this show.

But undoubtedly. What she hated about Lila the most.

.

Was that technically, she didn’t have to do that much.

After so many sessions of crying, and just not believing that they could possibly leave her, a friend, like that, she started to reason with herself, that maybe it wasn’t just Lila that pushed them all away.

She thought back to before.

Before they were friends, before Alya even came to Collège, she had been alone. Chloé had always gone out of her way to relentlessly bully her, and no one wanted to be friends with her with Chloé around. So she accepted it, just hoping one day, karma would seek justice and she’d be put in her place.

So she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And-

Gave up.

She accepted defeat after all the years. After the meaningless conversations with teachers that she should try and be the bigger person and rise above all of her hatred for her. Simply because they couldn’t do anything. They had no power over the mayor's Daughter. So they just let her continue her reign over the school.

She didn’t have any powers to stop her.

.

But then, a light of hope came.

The new girl, with ombre brown and red hair, glasses and hazel eyes. A striped t-shirt and an undeniable Aura that reeked of confidence.

As Marinette was being targeted by Chloé yet again, she came in, and for once, stood up to her. Chloé! No fear in her eyes as she, Alya, grabbed her, Marinette’s, hand and walked off to the desk at the front.

She couldn’t believe it, someone stood up to Chloé! She thought it had only been a myth, a legend, but that right there, it was real.

They became friends faster than the speed of sound.

And soon, she too was able to stand up for herself. Reclaiming her original seat back, and citing a quote her new friend had said… Then everyone had wanted to become friends… And, she felt ecstatic.

Finally. It finally came. The day she had prayed for had come. She felt nothing but pure joy.

And she didn’t want that feeling to go away.

She was terrified that the feeling would go away.

So, she thought of making sure that feeling wouldn’t go away.

That’s why she made so many ‘spare’ macaroons to give away, she didn’t spend her free nights staying up and making them, no way.

That’s why she provided so many free gifts to her friends. What? Her hand has a plaster, no she just tripped and hit herself, it had nothing to do with the gifts. Don’t worry, try your gloves on, do they fit?

That’s why she was late for class. Huh, no I’m fine, I’m not tired… But I might just rest my eyes for a bit, wake me up when something important happens.

That’s why she was so happy to realise Adrien wasn’t as bad as Chloé, the small gentle soul that he had, to graciously provide her with his own umbrella, how selfless.

And that’s why she held onto the idea of Adrien so much. The idea that he was perfect. The idea that she was in love with him.

So, she held onto it.

No, she clung to that idea because she didn’t want any chance to let go. So, she may have gone a bit overboard, with the whole, schedule thing, and the phone… And the schemes. But she believed it was harmless. No one else seemed to have any problems with it, so she believed she was in the clear.

Until she wasn’t.

And Lila used that to her advantage.

She remembered that day so vividly, just like all those other memories. The day she came. The day she would find herself in the same predicament from before, it hadn’t been that long since she had been friends with everyone in fact. She was still getting used to it, and her feelings grew as each day passed by.

She remembered when Lila introduced herself to the whole class, and at first glance, anyone would just think she was an innocent little girl. But behind that smile, behind those eyes, held a sinister intention.

She, in less than an hour, had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

Even her.

She’d been on a private jet?

Had a song written about her?

And saved Jagged Stone’s cat?

There was no way Adrien would fall for her now.

…So maybe she had been jealous of that girl before she had done anything. But she had every reason to. She, Lila, was pressed against Adrien who was happily talking to her. The love of her life! She had to do something, even if Alya had given her a disappointed look she just had to stop them from confessing their love to each other, it was inevitable now, so she followed after them to the park. If they even got too close, she was sure she could just conveniently interrupt, she just had to wait for the perfect moment, she only had a couple of hours before they would fall in love, get married, have three kids and a hamster named-

“Wow Adrien, you’re so nice to me. Y’know I really thought moving here would be just like all the other times. But you’ve really made me enjoy my first day Adrien.” She smiled so sickly sweet Marinette wanted to hurl, how dare she just hold onto his arm like that, so affectionately!

“Its no problem Lila, that’s what friends are for.” She smiled, hugging him so fast they almost lost their balance from sitting on the bench, before seemingly giving him a quick peck on his cheek, only for Adrien to turn his head towards her.

And they kissed.

However, it wasn’t a simple quick kiss, by all means, Adrien should’ve realised his mistake and pulled away.

But he didn’t, what felt like forever lasted a minute. One minute to realise that it should’ve been an accident. But they stayed like that.

It- it was over, wasn’t it? This wasn’t her being melodramatic, she just knew how it would turn out. They were going to fall in love so soon, she wouldn’t have a chance.

If only she had seen the look Lila gave, spotting her retreated form from behind a small trash can, the smirk would’ve given her shivers.

***

Getting back to Collège had taken longer than expected. Maybe it was the small amount of dread knowing she may have lost her love for good. Sure, there might have been Kagami as well, she had tried to sabotage her chances with Adrien too, but it always worked out in the end, Adrien always smiling as Kagami’s cheeks burned with redness. But to say they were friends afterwards.

Marinette would cringe at the fact she always felt so relieved afterwards reflecting years later at her choices. But she had always believed she would still have a chance.

Until today.

Lila came, and took him away, within hours.

And she couldn’t stop it.

Walking along the stairs to her class she had to keep her head held high, if she showed weakness, that would mean she was sad, she wasn’t sad, she couldn’t be sad. She still had all of her friends after all.

Maybe now, they could do more activities, after crying and eating a ton of ice cream of course with cheesy movies to brighten her mood up.

But, this would only be the beginning of that negative feeling.

Opening the door, she would be fully aware of something terribly wrong. At the front of the classroom, a crowd had formed, and a crowd that would soon become a routine in this classroom.

But a crowd formed around a girl, the new girl, Lila. She had seemed to be covering her eyes, water dripping down her eyes, no wait they were tears. What had happened?

She didn’t realise she had spoken those few words before heads turned around, looking- no glaring at her, why were they-? What had she done?

“Marinette I knew you could be a tad jealous but to actually do something like that” Huh? Oh no, Lila must’ve noticed she followed them, how embarrassing, and definitely not the best first impression she could’ve made.

Before she could apologise, before she could explain she really didn’t mean any harm. She didn’t have time to.

“To threaten her to never talk to Adrien again because she likes him. Well, I never thought you’d put your jealousy out like this.”

What!?-

No- she didn’t- she, just saw them kiss.

She didn’t even speak with her.

Why would she say this?

Why didn’t she say anything?

Why wasn’t she defending herself?

Why was she letting them believe that so easily?

Why

Why

Why.

.

Why was it so hard to breathe?

Running out of the classroom was easier than looking at all of those faces. Those accusatory faces. She hated it, she couldn’t do- defend- explain.

She- just-

She-

She-

She-

She was in a room?

The bathroom.

It didn’t matter why, as long as she was alone, she could cry to her heart's content.

The fear seeped over her just like that first time, knowing Chloé had won and would never stop, she had lost and lost everything.

Everything she had worked so hard to obtain.

Everything she had worked so hard to keep.

To make sure she didn’t have to let go.

And now it had gone.

Because it was then Marinette realised. That girl, those tears hadn’t been real, there she saw her eyes hadn’t been red or puffy, the tears’ dried up rather quickly, and the inconsistent wails made it very likely she was only doing them for effect and sympathy.

That girl. Was lying!

That must’ve been it.

No way could she be telling the truth. And no way could ‘I saw her around me and Adrien’ be translated to ‘she threatened me, I’m so scared of her’

Maybe, maybe with that, there was hope.

If she could just simply convince her friends that she was lying, then everything would be all sorted.

And maybe she and Adrien-

Wait, she was getting a little ahead of herself there.

Wiping her tears away she proudly opened the door, ready to face her fears.

Too bad her fears were much much stronger.

No matter how many times she would try to prove her innocence, it became worse.

When she tried going to the teachers, they bat an eye with her responses. Obviously not taking her seriously, and just believing it to be some teenage drama, she was pushed out of the classroom and told to try and just be nicer and make friends with her.

That was harsh but expected.

She tried talking with Alya, she turned away from her. Not wanting to hear anything come out of a crazy stalkers mouth.

That had hurt.

She tried talking with any of her other friends, y’know, the ones who ‘always’ had her back.

They too turned from her. Believing Lila without a doubt, I mean, they knew how jealous Marinette could get, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to think she would jump to that, considering the situation.

That felt like a punch to her gut.

She tried talking with Adrien, even if she did stutter and always lose her words around him. But this was more important, than a silly crush.

.

She wasn’t used to saying that.

But, the way he looked at her, it felt like- pity.

He told her he already knew.

He already knew? Wait- then why didn’t he say anything?

Because, as the naïve little boy stood so tall and ‘innocent’ he simply wanted to help her through his own way.

“She was only lying for attention,” He said.

“Once she finally makes some real friends, she’ll stop,” He said!

“In the meantime, you should really drop this, it would be just awful if you were to hurt Lila again. After all, she hasn’t hurt anyone, she doesn’t mean any harm”

.

.

She stood in shock.

This was the boy she had fell for?

This spineless- foolish- Son of a-

“So please Marinette, don’t cause too many problems for her, you shouldn’t be so harsh on her. If you really value our friendship, you’ll do it.” He smiled before walking off, leaving her to her thoughts.

That felt like someone had walked over to her, ripped out her heart and squashed it in the palm of her hands, all while grinning.

Why, why wasn’t she able to see before? Did her heart want to deceive her by falsifying all of his qualities? Was she just blind to bear witness to him not being as perfect as she made him out to be? Was it because she just couldn’t entertain the thought of letting go?

She didn’t know, she just hated this negative feeling. It felt so familiar. She wanted it to go away.

Unfortunately, that feeling would only grow for months.

And it was about to be worse.

“Huh? Marinette? Why are you crying? If this is about what happened this morning, don’t worry, I’ll forgive you” She was crying? Huh, when did that happen?

Whatever, more importantly.

“W-What, no you don’t have to forgive me because I did nothing wrong” Lila’s worried expression faltered for a bit before she grew ‘scared’

“H-Hey, I didn’t realise you felt like that. Oh, you poor thing” Her eyebrow snapped, she seriously didn’t like being called a thing.

“Save it, I can’t prove it but I know you’re just lying to everyone here. And you need to stop, you’re going to hurt everyone when they find out. You need to confess” Her face faltered again, but it never recovered, her once innocent eyes hardened as she smirked, a look that seemed almost natural, as if she had perfected it by looking into a mirror countless times.

“Oh, so you’ve finally figured it out? Figures, I was told you were the smartest one, and it seems like I wasn’t wrong”

“What?” Lila sighed, maybe she had put too much faith in her being the smartest.

“Ugh, you’re so young Marinette. I haven’t told the truth all my life, why the hell should I start now?” Marinette was stunned, why, why was she telling her this?

“Honestly, and I thought Adrien was naïve. Look, I’m not here to play games, I have this whole routine wrapped up. So just sit back, stay out of my way and I might consider making another lie that would benefit you.” It was an offer any reasonable person wouldn’t refuse.

Unfortunately for her, she didn’t want a reasonable offer.

Marinette stared, she was- she was fully aware of what she was doing?

“B-But you’re going to end up hurting everyone, you need to stop, please!” She begged.

Lila frowned.

She was just like all the rest.

“I don’t care”

Huh?

“I said I don’t care, seriously don’t you get it yet? I’m here to win by all means necessary. You were in the way so I took you out. They are just little trophies to remind you of my victory. You had your chance”

She stood still, this situation felt so familiar, but she had to stay strong, she couldn’t give up now. If reasoning with her won’t work, then maybe understanding might, and she could work with that.

“Why are you doing this, do you really not care about when you get caught? About how everyone will feel when they know you promised nothing in the end?” She hoped she would see some sense. They were good people, they shouldn’t be manipulated into this, she was sure they would’ve been friends regardless of what she had promised.

“It’s because I can”

.

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean, dear sweet Marinette, is that because I am able to, I can. I’ve had years of practice with this, and the result always has me at the top, all that oppose me either stay at the bottom or beg for mercy from moi. It's always a delight to see their hope diminish. To realise they would do anything but to be alone.”

Alone- that word, that word stuck with her so much.

She didn’t want that- but she didn’t want her friends to be tricked either.

“Besides, you made it so easy for me, in reality. You only have yourself to blame”

“What- I didn’t even-” A finger was wagged in front of her face.

“Ah ah ah. You really should know better than that. A calendar full of Adrien’s schedule? A box full of presents for Adrien? Sabotaging dates? You’d think I’d have made it all up, it only made the end result so much greater. Seriously Marinette, I don’t even know if I’m the bad guy here, what you’ve done really isn’t appropriate behaviour. But I do know of a great therapist, they helped me through such a hard time” Lila continued to talk as Marinette zoned out. She was the bad guy? No- no that couldn’t be, that was just a harmless crush, that was just what normal teenaged girls did.

But- if it was. Then why didn’t anyone tell her it was wrong, she didn’t mean for it to be wrong. She just didn’t want them to leave, she just didn’t want to be abandoned again.

Why didn’t they say? Why didn’t she realise?

Why did she know?

Lila must’ve seen the shock as she giggled, not at all innocent.

“It was so easy manipulating all of them into telling me about this ‘crush’, once they realised just how crazy it actually was, they had no problem seeing you for the crazy stalker you are.” Lila flicked her hair up away, only for it to come back, but it didn’t matter, she made her point.

Not having the energy to look up, she would’ve noticed Lila had left her behind, laughing too, because no one had been there to overhear their absolutely private conversation. Her overall plan would not be undiscovered today, tomorrow, or the next. It wouldn’t be discovered ever.

Because she was in control.

Marinette, wasn’t in control.

Just like before, that hollow feeling from before, it was back.

And so much worse.

.

She hated Lila, because she made her realise, she was right. All along. And she just had to accept it.

And gave up trying.

She reverted back to how she was at the beginning of the year.

The quiet girl that no one paid attention to, alone, in the back, with nothing but her sketchbook.

Gone were the childish pigtails, it was for the better, no one said anything about then anymore.

Because she realised.

She wasn’t a child anymore.

She couldn’t be, not after this.

***

Hey, so I guess this was more like another prologue, so I’ll have to apologise if it seems just like the other one, but the premise is still the same so yeah.

And I think I might like the idea of a non-Miraculous world; it seems interesting since I feel like Marinette wouldn’t have as much of a confidence boost since she wouldn’t be Ladybug, please tell me that would make sense.

I think it’s interesting for how much would change and stay the same, and my OC will be making an entrance next time, however, here they are all like 13-14. The next chapter will have a time skip of 3 years, oh and Lila came in late, like around Season 3 late ok? So they already know about Kagami and Luka.

Also if you’re confused about anything feel free to ask any questions.

Cya next time.

Note: Please tell me if I should add anything else to the card, there will be one of these cards for all 15 chapters, however, because I have uni work all updates will be slower because I really need to focus on the uni stuff, then I might be able to upload quicker.

[7wanderingpaws]

Captain Bucheon 04

Warnings: language, suggestive

Word count: 4.6K

story masterlist masterlist

tags: @wooya1224 @to-all-the-stories-i-love @jennxx3 @realllllrica (let me know if you want to be un/tagged)​

.

<-- Previous - Next -->

Fourth: Painful memories

Baekhyun seemed like a distant dream when you awoke the next day. Everything that happened, starting with your obliviousness to his presence at the field all the way to the moment you slapped him and poured your emotions out; they all felt like they never happened. 

It was your throat, raw and sore from screaming, that indicated last night happened. You woke up tired, feeling your nose clogged and head heavy. As if constantly haunting you, behind closed eyes you saw his; they were looking at you, troubled and wavering. Baekhyun was at your mercy last night. And you were merciless.

One of the painful memories was exceptionally difficult to erase from your mind. Baekhyun's words, that he uttered one year ago in his office, were haunting you and making you believe that things could have been different if you were not lying to him.

I would have waited for you.

Those words were running around in front of your eyes, each word snaking itself in confusing circles creating slight dizziness. Would he have really waited, though?

Groaning, you turned to your other side spotting Yuyeon’s sleeping figure. She wasn’t in the room when you arrived last night, enabling you to cry to your heart's content, which you did. You cried yourself to sleep and now, here was the result. Swollen eyes, headache and a sore throat.

Your phone that was safely tucked under your pillow gave a short vibration, indicating a message. You were waiting for it; it was the last working day after all. Weekend was coming up and you couldn’t wait to get the necessary free time to do your school work and recover from shouting at Byun Baekhyun.

You checked the text message and you planned your day ahead accordingly.

Unknown number

Parcel delivery for the weekend by Sunday 23:30. Bucheon Christian University main gate’s security house.

You frowned, mulling over the destination. Until now, it was always an apartment building and, with the new found information that the messages could have possible secondary destinations encoded, you grew a little uneasy. If issues occurred, would there be another option to deliver the parcel to?

><

There was a hustle going on in Baekhyun’s department that day. Several robberies, crimes and attacks and every officer was preoccupied with suffering victims begging for help and justice.

He also had a couple of cases to deal with, yet he kept zoning out. He barely got a wink of sleep and now he needed to be at his best when he would have much rather stayed home and let himself think through stuff. Not that he didn’t have a whole year to think.

“Knock knock, coffee delivery!” 

Park Chanyeol, the number one detective and also Baekhyun’s close friend, walked in, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand. “What’s up Captain?”

“Thanks,” murmured Baekhyun when Chanyeol handed him the mug. “Any news on the case?” he asked, ignoring his friend’s question completely.

Chanyeol crashed on the chair opposite him with a sigh. “Nope,” he replied. “No solid updates. No leads. The attack was sudden and we can’t seem to find a trace of the target.”

Baekhyun sighed. “Two young women have been attacked so far. They were in their mid-twenties.”

“Actually, both of them were in their final year of university,” added Chanyeol with a serious tone.

“That could be a solid lead,” murmured Baekhyun even though his mind was wandering off again. He was quick to zone out on his friend who continued describing the crime scenes, thinking out loud but Baekhyun was already on a completely different page.

You were just seventeen… and he was so heartless. He could vividly remember the actual happenings in his office. He was sitting just where he was seated now, behind his big table full of paperwork and computer while you were becoming smaller and smaller under his smoldering gaze. 

Baekhyun was extremely mad that day. He couldn’t remember the last time he was that mad. Not even the forever annoying Siamsa could annoy him to those bits and he was slowly realizing that it must have been because he liked you much more than he had let himself believe. You betraying his trust, seeing him as a fool and doing stupid stuff behind his back were the exact things he despised in humans. Yet, you did all of them. And one year later, here he was, with you on his mind.

He cringed inwardly when he remembered the harsh words he told you.

You were stupid enough to get caught.

You can be goddamn sure I wouldn’t talk to a KID.

It was a grave mistake to talk to you.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, not even catching Chanyeol abruptly stopping his talk. Baekhyun was way too brutal with you. He groaned out loud when he remembered another horrible thing he said. I’m breaking up with you if it wasn’t obvious enough. Plus, I’m arresting you…

“Are you okay? You really seem out of it today.” Chanyeol seemed concerned and even a little perplexed as Baekhyun rarely showed this kind of behavior in front him, let alone showing it at his workplace. In the office, Baekhyun was the one to be scared of, to be respected and bowed to. This Baekhyun seemed like if Chanyeol pushed him with his finger, he'd crumble.

“I'm fine,” muttered back the captain with a throaty voice.

Chanyeol pursed his lips, unsure how to ask what had been on his mind since he entered the office. Instead of wanting to deal with a serious talk, a cheeky glint lit up in his eyes. “Perhaps you met her again?”

“Her?” Baekhyun frowned with a down-ward tilt on his lips.

Chanyeol wiggled his eyebrows as he stretched on the chair. “You know who!” he took a breath and with his deep voice, started to sing:

She looked incredible Just turned 17 I guess my friends are right She's out of my league So what am I to do? She's too good to be true

Baekhyun couldn't help himself when he heard the lyrics his friend correlated with you. They couldn't have been more accurate and despite him being in a bad mood, the idea made him laugh under his nose as he looked on the floor. “Actually, I did. And I got slapped,” he revealed somehow proudly as he let himself sit on his chair, enjoying the astonished look on Chanyeol's face.

“No way!” he straightened up in his seat, leaning forward so he could get a better look at his friend. “She slapped you? Damn, this girl is feisty. She keeps beating up our captain!” he laughed out loud, consumed by the images of you, the young woman in her late teenage years, slapping someone of Baekhyun's calibre.

“Yeah, well, she's always been fearless.” he shrugged, frowning out of a sudden. “I screwed that girl up pretty badly, Chan, but that's no news.”

Chanyeol went quiet for a minute, fully aware of Baekhyun's emotions and the way the past events had been eating him up. “How is she doing these days?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I guess well? She's lost some weight, but,” he sighed and proceeded to talk about the event that he witnessed with the boys sexually harassing you.

“The kids these days can't keep it in their pants,” cackled Chanyeol in disbelief but Baekhyun was far from entertained. His jaw was locked, the skin pulsing with tension at the mere idea of last night.

“If they ever as much as think about her I swear to god-”

“Whoa, hold on, Baek. You know you can't just get involved.”

“What do you mean I can't just get involved? They were harassing her, and I'm a cop.”

“I think your rage is more fueled because it's about Nari. As much as you seek justice, you shouldn't let your emotions take the better out of you. Besides, people might get suspicious-”

“Chanyeol, what the fuck?” snapped Baekhyun angrily. “If she were any woman I'd do the same.”

“You would not punch in order to protect just any woman.”

“Yes, I would-”

“No, you would do the smart talk and intimidate them with your power and  authority. But you punched the kid, Baek.”

Baekhyun sighed in agitation, his hand coming yet again up to his face, tiredly rubbing at the skin. “So what should I have done? I myself am confused about my emotions but I know I care about her a lot.”

“Of course you care about her. You drank straight up one month after she found out about your fake boyfriend identity and you broke up.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, hating the way Chanyeol was so blunt with his words. “Either way, she still hates me.”

“Would you fight for her if she ever gave you a chance?” asked Chanyeol quietly, his fingers nipping at his lower lip in thought.

Baekhyun opened his mouth, ready to answer way too quickly before he stopped himself. He was frozen when he realized the answer that so naturally came to him. Would he fight for you if you ever decided to build the bridges again? He definitely would have one year ago when he came to your high school to see you.

“You're hesitating,” stated Chanyeol and pursed his lips. “I think you're scared, too, captain.”

Baekhyun scoffed but Chanyeol cut him off: “You would hate losing her again. And she is a fragile kid, scarred by everything that happened to her. She could be even more vulnerable with you. Remember that.”

><

“Where are you going?” asked Yuyeon, confused, when you were putting on your black jeans and a black hoodie. The helmet for the scooter was already tucked under your arm, ready to leave for the Saturday night. Time was ticking in your brain and you grew quite anxious about possible bad outcomes of this delivery if you wouldn't leave right away.

“Work,” you shrugged, “will get this done and then I will be free,” you smiled, a little strained but Yuyeon only gave you a suspicious side glance.

“You never work on the weekends! This employer is already playing with you and telling you to work even when it's not your official hours,” she frowned deeply, looking like a sulking child.

You sighed and suppressed the need to roll your eyes. “Okay, mum, I'll be back in time, no worries.”

“You better be! I won't fuss about wanting to go to a club when you're oh so busy.”

“I promise we can go next Friday!” you shouted, opening the door to put on your shoes.

She grumbled in response and you laughed to yourself, slamming the doors behind you when you slid your feet into your boots. Making sure they were tied well, you rushed out into the chilly evening, making your way to the mini-scooter Chul borrowed you so you could get the job done easier.

Bucheon Christian University was a little further away from your campus, so you made sure you followed the map carefully once you got the box from the apartment you usually got it from. The apartment itself was a high-rise, family friendly building and, just like the previous times, this box was also very light in your arms despite it being a little bigger. You had a spare rope under the seat of the scooter, so you tied it securely so it wouldn't fall when you had it between your feet.

As you were reaching the destination, you realized your palms were becoming more sweaty. Your heartbeat, usually quiet, was now gently beating in your ears, letting you know the stress levels were rising.

“You arrived at your destination,” said the GPS when you passed a big entrance that was leading into a small campus with white buildings that seemed too out of the place. Wanting to get the job done quickly, you searched with eager eyes for a little building that would be the security office, getting off the scooter and untying the delivery.

Seeing a box-like metal security office for the car park barrier you swallowed harshly, walking up to it. There were no signs of life inside, the lights out and the barriers probably working on auto mode. For other people, it must have looked ridiculous - you walking with a bigger box towards the security office but you could only hope no one would see your face which was the reason why you were reluctant to take the helmet off.

You were walking up to what you deemed the correct destination, but you couldn't help the uneasy feeling. There is no need, you insisted in your mind, because this was the correct destination. You would put the box down in front of the doors and just leave. Yes. That was correct.

Despite your weak reassurances, you kept looking around making sure you weren’t missing another spot. Your heartbeat was still gently pumping in your ears, reminding you that this was a little more stressful than the previous outings.

As you reached the doors to the security office, you put the box down more to the side as the doors were directly in front of the road for the cars. Feeling the relief of accomplishing another day of delivery, you turned around and started walking back towards the scooter, the tension slowly but surely easing up. You looked back several times to make sure the box was still there and with that you sat on the scooter and rode away, excited that you didn’t miss out on the night just yet.

If Yuyeon would be up for fun, you could finally go and be reckless!

><

Baekhyun was about to turn off the lights and call it a night at 9pm when a loud set of knocks disturbed his peace. Thinking it was his friends who wanted to give him a surprise visit, he swiftly opened the door only to be surprised when he spotted a ball of pink.

“The hell are you doing here?” he snapped, not moving to let the uninvited guest in.

Siamsa, or, to Baekhyun, Sooah, rolled her eyes as she stepped closer. “Well, hi to you, handsome. I’ll tell you if you let me in.”

“Well, I don’t want to know,” he replied in an even voice. “So that makes it easier. Bye-“

“Wait!” she exclaimed quickly and made a step in, wanting to prevent him from slamming the door shut in her face. “It’s about your ex.”

He didn’t want to admit it; but his heart jumped at the mention of you. Sooah never cared enough about Baekhyun’s other exes before her. Unfortunately for you, you came after her and Siamsa, the kpop sensation, was not processing it well. “If you’re gonna talk bullshit, I’ll spare myself the time-“

“If you want to protect her, you should listen,” she sing-sang nonchalantly, playing with the ends of her long hair. It was dyed blond and made her seem innocent which she was far from.

“And how would you know what’s up with Nari? You’ve already done so much shit in the past! What makes you think I’ll believe you?”

Sooah shrugged, pretending to be unbothered. “Well, I care about your well-being, Baekhyun. I know you care about her. I know the break-up was brutal. You locked up her brother-“

Baekhyun was fast to grab her by her wrist and yank her inside, quickly kicking the door shut. Sooah had a satisfied smirk on her face when she took in his distressed expression. “How. Do. You. Know. That.”

“Mhmm, so hot,” she whispered with a wink, mocking him. “I always liked how manly you are, my little one-“

“Listen,” he cut her off angrily, the nickname making him shudder inwardly, “I don’t care about your fucking games. I’m way past you and all your stupid shit. But I swear to god, if you do something to Nari-“

“You seem to have luck on girls who do stupid shit,” she mimicked him as she stood closer, making sure her breath fanned his chin. “Nari seems to go from one trouble to another. One day she might as well end up like her brother,” she laughed to herself.

“How do you know about her brother?” he asked again in a low tone, trying hard to ignore the anger he felt whenever she mentioned you.

Sooah pulled a fake thinking face, tapping her slender finger with perfect nail art on her chin. “For starters, don’t underestimate my honesty, Baekhyun. I know more than you think. I really care about you, you know,” she mumbled the last sentence and dared to reach up with her hand, touching his cheek gently. “Me messing up by protecting my identity - you were too harsh with me back then, sweetie.”

Baekhyun sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and moving his face away from her touch. She was bringing up the past and he didn’t like it; he didn’t want to dive in it. Sooah was a great manipulator and he didn’t want to fall down the guilt rabbit hole when he knew he did the right thing in the past. “We are done with that talk.”

“I was never done with that talk,” she was fast to protest. “You were. I still want you.” When she moved to stand closer to him, Baekhyun quickly stood back and away from her. “Baekhyun!”

“Tell me what you know about Lee Nari and then leave!”

“I want something in return,” she rebutted quickly, even confidently, but the desperation on her face was speaking volumes. “And I’ll tell you all I know.”

He grit his jaw, hard. “I swear to god, Sooah, stop testing me-“

“It’s noona for you,” she murmured with a sharp gaze that kept flickering over his features. He always looked good, but judging from his outfit, she knew he was preparing to sleep. That hoodie would soon be taken off and those plaid pants too. Her mind swirled just at the thought of it.

“We are done with that too—“

“You can’t fight the age difference, baby,” she purred and stepped closer. She enjoyed seeing his internal conflict. Despite being a harsh captain, she knew which buttons to push for him to submit, although she didn’t like that it involved you. She hated that the only way she could talk to Baekhyun was if she mentioned your name.

Baekhyun sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ok. Speak. Otherwise I’m throwing you out.”

Sooah burst out into laughter, quickly hiding her laminated teeth and scrunched up nose behind her hand. “You manhandling me wouldn’t be the first time, Captain,” she said in a low, sensual tone as she trailed her long fingernail over his chest. She could have sworn it was more toned than the last time she had the pleasure of touching it. “And you know how much I like it.” When she saw him closing his eyes in exasperation, she trailed the finger upwards to his prominent collarbones before she took the side of his neck in her palm, running her thumb over the pulse point. “God, I miss you so much. Like, so, so much, my sweetie.” She knew she was testing the limits. She also knew an angry Baekhyun was anything but good news. She refused to spare him, though. “Your girlfriend is a bad girl. She’ll easily become a criminal if she continues doing the bad stuff.”

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open. “Is she up to something these days?” he asked almost breathily.

Her fingers traveled to the nape of his neck and she buried them in the hair, lightly scratching at the skin. Baekhyun was fighting the shuddering feeling, hoping his body wouldn’t betray him.

“Oh, yes. When isn’t she up to something,” she mumbled thoughtfully, her hawk eyes taking note of Baekhyun’s slight blush. He was getting affected with her ministrations and she stepped closer to him. He didn’t move away.

“What is it?” he hummed when her other hand massages his chest in small circles. “What is it that she is doing?”

Sooah had a mischievous glint in her eyes as she bit her bottom lip in triumph. “Give me a kiss and I’ll tell you-“

“No games!” snapped Baekhyun angrily, his eyes stormy as he glared at her.

“Then you won’t find out!”

“Sooah!”

“Just a magic word and a little kiss is all I want, sweetie,” she whispered, enjoying his intent stare on her. “I promise that’s all I will want and you get to access all you need to know.”

“No,” he shook his head resolutely. “I don’t care.”

“You care so fucking much about her,” it was her turn to spit now, gradually getting infuriated with his reluctance to submit to her. “Or do you want me to, perhaps…” she trailed off, puckering her lips, feigning thinking, “tell everyone in her school you dated her as an underaged kid?”

That was it for Baekhyun. Something snapped within him and he made a threatening step towards his ex, who didn’t even budge at his abruptness. “I dare you to say a single word that would harm her reputation, Sooah. I dare you to. She already went through so much shit because of me and her family.”

Sooah was smirking as she watched the captain's troubled, but hard face. It hurt her, but she wasn’t the most emotionally literate person; she was selfish and sometimes enjoyed suffering of others. That was how a very bad product of the entertainment industry looked like. Whether she would admit it was questionable. Sooah would never give Baekhyun up when her emotions for him were so deep, when the man was desirable so much. It was always a given that he was a one of a kind man and she always wanted everything that was one of a kind.

“What a good man you are, Byun Baekhyun,” she hummed, her eyes focused on his lips. “Caring about a child so much. A child who lied to you from the very first start.”

“Whatever the hell you are trying to do here, leave it,” gritted Baekhyun eventually. “And tell me what she is up to.”

“I already told you what’s the price!” she whined, making Baekhyun frown. “A kiss. On the lips.” With her finger, she tapped her lower lip, excitement cursing through her when she saw Baekhyun eyeing her mouth. “And then the secrets are all yours.”

It was tempting; not the kiss, but the reward. Baekhyun’s mind was racing with possibilities, with outcomes. Then he became worried. He knew how twisted Sooah could be, and were she to talk in front of your school about your relationship, you’d most probably never forgive him for letting it happen and he himself would be in huge trouble. Maybe that thought was even stronger than his need to know whether you were in trouble or not.

To make Baekhyun’s pondering a little easier, Sooah boldly pressed her palm against his toned stomach, the muscles instantly flexing upon her intrusive touch. Sooah knew Baekhyun was a very sensitive man; a single tingle on his neck could turn him on, the lightest of scratches could make him stand up proud. She knew he had to be affected by her minimal ministrations. She knew him perfectly. Touching up the ridges around the muscles, she let her hand slide lower to his abdomen before reaching to cup his—

Baekhyun slapped her hand away with a growl and pressed her against the door. “One fucking kiss and you’ll spill everything,” he breathed. She couldn’t even react before he pressed his lips harshly against hers, the texture of her lip gloss attaching to his lips. Sooah groaned, arms instantly hugging his neck. Her long finger nails scratched his nape and Baekhyun’s will was becoming weaker. 

The familiar scent of her strong, sweet perfume wafted over his senses, reminding him that this was not the woman he cared about anymore. Her eager tongue pushed his lips apart and was fast to battle with his own. The way she kissed him was nothing but desperate, needy, a call for attention. He hated it. The last time he kissed a woman— a girl was a year ago and her lips were the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted. Despite her being brave with him, her kisses were shy, careful, kitten-like and Baekhyun accidentally groaned at the thought of that. 

He pressed his lips harsher against this woman’s while imaging an innocent girl behind his eyelids. His hands were pressed against the door but he wanted to touch so bad. He only got to touch her once and not the way he would have liked, and now he had to fight the urge to let his hands slide around the curves, to outline her behind while her chest would be pressed against his.

He was quickly reminded that the body pressing against him was indeed not Lee Nari. Sooah had a slim physique with a flat chest and a big space between her thighs. He loved it once, but not anymore.

Before Sooah could cup his private part again he broke the kiss, desperately needing some air and needing to snap out of his deep fantasy. Blinking several times, he got to see the face that went through so many changes with plastic surgery and when she smiled at him with swollen lips, he realized how unreal this woman was. Unreal and unfaithful.

“What is Lee Nari doing ?” he breathed, the question coming out in a low murmur, his lips visibly swollen.

The spark that was in Sooah’s eyes left, quickly interchanged with hate and betrayal. “Is this what you ask me right after you kissed me?” she shrieked, causing Baekhyun to flinch. “You just had your tongue in my mouth and you dare to say a little girl’s name afterwards?”

Sooah wasn't wrong about you being a little girl. She was older by fourteen years after all; she saw you as a complete kid. Which made Sooah feel even more devastated and enraged; Baekhyun dated someone so incredibly young, half of her age. It made her feel like she couldn't compare.

“I’m not going to ask you any more. You got what you wanted. Get out of my flat if you don’t do anything useful,” replied Baekhuyn with a hard glare.

“She is delivering drugs,” snapped Sooah and Baekhyun was shocked to find tears in her eyes as she spoke. “That’s who she is now, Baekhyun. She is delivering illegal stuff on a scooter and she doesn’t even have a driving license.”

It felt like someone poured a scorching hot water over him. You and drugs? And you didn’t have a driving license while driving a vehicle? So many thoughts raced through his mind, so many questions left unanswered. What the hell were you up to? “And you know this how?”

Sooah shrugged. “None of your damn business.”

“It is if it involves Nari.”

Sooah scoffed mockingly. “Then sleep with me.”

“You need help, Sooah,” replied Baekhyun somehow compassionately after a moment of silence. Taking the singer’s arm in his, he turned her and opened the door so he could push her out to the corridor. “And immediately. You’re sick in your head. Treat your obsession and then we can still be friends maybe.”

“You’re a heartless bastard, Baekhyun,” whispered Sooah, not turning around. “You better watch out for the university festival. Your girlfriend will be my puppet.”

She started walking with purposeful steps towards the elevator, not looking back and not noticing the way Baekhyun’s face fell with dread.

But the girl had been hurt enough.

><><><><><><><><

A/N: thank you for reading! I had lots of fun with this chapter! Let me know your thoughts, there is so much happening over here >.<

Lyrics credit: McFly - That Girl

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rachel Nobel / Rae Lynn

Rachel Nobel, aka Rae Lynn, has 2 fics at Gossamer, but she’s written many more X-Files stories than that. You can also find fics by her at AO3 and various other archives. She’s one of the rare, special authors who’s posted numerous fic during the show’s original run and again in recent years. Big thanks to Rachel for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? Absolutely. I joined a Facebook group for fanfic writers where someone recognized my name and asked about some of my stories that have disappeared from the Internet, and I almost fell off my chair. On the other hand, I go back and read original-run fanfic all the time - the Wayback Machine is my best friend for all the late great fanfic archives. Like fine wines, they get better with age! What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? I was fairly young during the peak of the fandom - I was only 12 when I started watching the show and discovered the fandom online. A few years ago, right around the time we learned the revival was coming, I wrote an essay I called "How 'The X-Files' defined my adolescence," in which I wrote: "If you think about it, 'The X-Files' is a lot like adolescence: You start out thinking it's going to be a little hokey, NBD, and then you end up in its thrall, captivated and occasionally hugely let down. A lot of people behave strangely, and no one gets out unscathed. Mulder, in his own weird way, is the perfect mirror for an adolescent: He doesn't fit in; his life careens between being utterly consequential to the fate of the known universe and being completely pointless; he's socially awkward and can't quite nail it down with the girl of his dreams."

So for me, the fandom is inextricably bound up with adolescence, that feeling of vacillating between desperate loneliness and being on the verge of something enormously significant. Take romance: I was a bit of a late bloomer, and when all my friends were exploring their first relationships I was watching Mulder and Scully navigate this beautiful, complicated, soulful relationship without ever even kissing. That was deeply affecting for me as a teen.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? I started out on mailing lists - there was an EMXC mailing list and one that I think was called X-Angst. [Lilydale note: There was a mailing list called XAngst Anonymous.] This was back at the dawn of the Internet when I only had 10 hours of AOL access a month, and I remember using what AOL called a "FlashSession" to log on, download all the fanfic from the mailing list and log off to read it. I vividly remember the excitement of watching all that new fanfic flood my inbox! Later on I was on atxc. During the long summer between "Gethsemane" and "Redux," it felt like fanfic was at its peak. There was a group of about a dozen women who got together (virtually) to discuss a work in progress by Lydia Bower called "Primal Sympathy." We called ourselves the "Primal Screamers," and we had our own website with fanfic recommendations and other discussions (it cracked me up to locate us as an entry on Fanlore.org). I was still in high school at the time and I was the youngest member; I felt like I had been accepted into a cool underground club. I worshipped these women, who were fanfic writers themselves. They taught me everything I knew about how to be a decent, respectful, enthusiastic consumer and writer of fanfic and fandom. [Lilydale note: I’ve talked enthusiastically about the Primal Screamers here before, including their fanfic primer.] What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? In the '90s, I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone I read fanfic, let alone that I was writing it. Now, I look back on it and realize how talented and smart and passionate we all were. It's something to be proud of. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? The first episode I ever saw was "Shadows," which was on in reruns between the second and third seasons. I don't think "Shadows" is an episode that anyone today would consider thematically significant, but something about seeing those office supplies float spookily through the air - it wasn't like anything I had seen on television, and I wanted in. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic? I've always been a person who, when I am interested in something, seeks to learn more about it. So I guess I got online as a 12-year-old with this new interest and discovered fanfic. It was thrilling to find out that so many talented people were taking characters I loved and bringing them to life for me. When the screen faded to black each week and I wondered, "That's it? What next?", fanfic was always there to fill in the blanks and take Mulder and Scully to the next level. As a teenager, I was self-indulgent enough to think I had something to contribute, too. Most of what I wrote in the '90s would today make me cringe. I remember literally paging through the dictionary in search of erudite words I thought Mulder and Scully would say! But occasionally I'll feel brave enough to read an old story and I feel encouraged to see a spark: a turn of phrase or a fragment of dialogue that I still feel proud of. I write professionally now, but I've never written fiction that isn't X-Files fiction, so it's something that has really allowed me to hone my creative juices in a different way. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Sometimes I feel like the Statler and Waldorf of the fandom, like I'm sitting up in the balcony grousing "Back in my day...!" Because the fandom is remarkably robust, and I've gotten involved with it to an extent on Twitter and AO3, and now all these young whippersnappers idolize Mulder and Scully just as much if not more as I ever did! Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? Not really, no. I've of course consumed a lot of media since The X-Files that I wanted to discuss with others - I'm a huge "Harry Potter" nerd, and I was outraged when Netflix canceled "The OA" - but strangely I've never had the urge to read or write fanfic about anything other than "The X-Files." Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Every Thursday night! I watch a chosen episode with a group of fans on Twitter and tweet about it - #tbtXFiles. That's great fun. There are episodes I've seen dozens of times over the years and episodes I think I only ever watched once, and it's always enlightening to watch them again with a certain critical eye. When I was a fan during the original run, I really idolized Mulder; I loved episodes where we saw him in all his cracked genius glory. Scully was a trailblazer of a character, of course, but I think the fandom has evolved over the years to give Scully her due. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I was fairly stunned when the revival came around and I realized that people were still writing X-Files fic, and that a lot of it was so good. So yes, I do read fic on Archive of Our Own. But my heart is always with the early days of fanfic. In the revival when Mulder says "I've always wondered how this was going to end" - that felt to me almost like a love letter to fanfic authors who had been trying to answer that question for 25 years. Surprisingly, I've never had the urge to read fic in another fandom. Every time I try, it just feels like I'm cheating on Mulder and Scully. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors? My favorite author back in the day was Kipler. Her stories were just like real episodes of the show I could vividly imagine in my mind. I adore syntax6, particularly "20" and "The Birthday Stories," because of the way she perfectly and poignantly captures vignettes that span the entire series. Another favorite is Dawn and her "Blood Ties" series - I started out as a "NoRomo," and Dawn was one of the authors who made me believe Mulder and Scully could have a romantic relationship that really worked. And I always had a soft spot for Profiler!Mulder stories, so to this day I mourn the unfinished state of the great Kronos fic "Ascent to Hell." One fic I always come back to that captures profiling Mulder really well is "Domination of Lies," by cslatton. And then there are stories that I consider classics: "Corpse" by Livengoo, "Oklahoma" by Amperage and Livengoo, the "Revelations" and "All Hallow's Eve" series by Windsinger. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? I have a soft spot for a story I wrote called "Human Credential." I was attempting, a quarter-century after the first season of the show, to set a story in the very early days of the partnership (which these days is one of my favorite kinds of fanfic to read), and I felt like I nailed it. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? I have been doing both of these, as a matter of fact! Or in my case, they are oldies that made it online but vanished when Geocities went belly-up, for example, that I sometimes go back to and reshape. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As the swallows return to Capistrano, I seem to always return to writing fic at periods of transition in my life. The first time I "retired" from fanfic, I wasn't even in college yet! If one can be nostalgic at 21 years old for something one gave up at 17, I was nostalgic for fanfic, and I picked it back up again in grad school. Then I became a teacher and a wife and a mom and years passed, and the revival seduced me back into it again. But the vast majority of fanfic I've written is firmly planted in the first seven seasons of the show - poor Mulder and Scully never seem to get to grow up in my stories. What's the story behind your pen name? I wrote under a lot of pen names over the years! When I first started writing fanfic, no one knew anything about Internet safety and it didn't occur to me that it wasn't wise to use my real name. There was a period when I would have been mortified if anyone discovered my stories under my real name - now, at least I can write it off as a youthful indulgence! When I finally grew into a more mature writer, I started using the name Rae Lynn, which is almost-but-not-quite my real first and middle names. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? As far as I know, unless my friends and acquaintances have done some sleuthing, only my husband knows I still write fanfic. And he's never read it, though he's kind enough to give me a glazed-eyes indulgent smile if I ever talk about it. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? I am xraelynn on AO3! I have about a dozen stories there - some of them I wrote 15 years ago and some of them are brand spanking new. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Fanfic is a true labor of love. Fanfic authors don't write fanfic for money or fame; they do it because they love it. Sites like AO3 and Tumblr have made it so much easier to show your appreciation to writers (::gruff reminiscing voice:: back in my day, you had to send them an email, and now you can just click the "kudos" button!). I can only speak for myself, but I really thrive on that feedback - otherwise I'm just Mulder in his cramped hovel of a home office waiting for Scully to nag me to shave my beard. Every so often I think about the fact that there is so much high-quality writing about these characters I've loved for decades just available on the Internet for free and it feels like a true gift.

(Posted by Lilydale on May 4, 2021)

[johnkrrasinski]

𝐄𝐱𝐢𝐥𝐞

Chapter 1: You Were My Town

full masterlist // series masterlist // commission open // support my work

Pairings: Dark!Steve Rogers (in future chapters) x Reader 

Word Count: 2,061

Summary: Steve Rogers; a Hollywood A-lister and your clandestine occasional hookup. Best friends since childhood, but people change and friendships fall out. Now you were merely strangers with benefits. What happens when one day you stopped being his doormat to be a better man’s queen? The selfish Steve Rogers would not like it. How far is he willing to go to get his favorite possession back?

Warnings: smut, non-con/dub-con, dark Steve (in later chapter), angst, Steve Rogers is an asshole in this one, no redeeming qualities. (MUST BE 18+) 

A/N: first chapter is finally here!! this series is dedicated to the lovely @belovedcherry​ who commissioned this story and developed the concept. thank you for being a friend when i truly needed it. i’m really glad that you trusted me to write this story for you. with all my heart, i sincerely hope you like it. this series will be updated everyday, there will be 4 more chapters ahead. 

PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: New Couple Alert! Steve Rogers and a blondie bombshell can’t keep their hands off each other! The headline verbalized.

The notorious heartthrob was spotted leaving The Ritz-Calton Hotel in Los Angeles around 2 AM with Spanish model, Alondra Ondiviela, 28, who looked stunning in a salmon sports bra and black overall, as she walked hand-in-hand with Dusk and Dawn star, Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers was last linked to Blade in Deep actress, Anne Amorós back in early spring this year but had reportedly split after only two months dating.

Steve Rogers has been previously linked to many gorgeous models in the past, earning him the infamous title of ‘Hollywood’s favourite ladykiller.’ Will Alondra Ondiviela be the one to finally make Steve Rogers settle down and give up his womanizer ways? Placing our bets on how long this couple is going to last!

You closed the tab on your browser as you sighed defeatedly on your couch. You laid your head back on the headrest as you shut your eyes and folded your arms against your chest. Just how many more gossip articles can you endure?

Steve Rogers was your childhood best friend and… Perhaps the only man you had ever truly loved. You knew it was nothing but sheer naivety for you to concede that. You knew it was cruel and inequitable to your heart, but, you still held on to that tiny glimpse of hope that someday, things will change. He will change. Despite all the shit he had put you through, you couldn’t abnegate yourself from him. He always lured you back in with his sweet words and sinful lips whenever you try to expel him from your door.

It wasn’t always like this. Back in kindergarten, Steve used to be this good, shy, scrawny kid who had a blistering passion for art. He was always very twitterpated by watching live shows on stage. When you were kids, Steve would try to sneak both of you into the theatre when the lights were out. Steve didn’t grow up in a very lucky family. His abusive father abandoned his mother when he was only four years old, and since then, his mom had been working tirelessly to keep a roof over their heads and fill in their fridge with food.

You, on the other hand, were a little luckier than him. Your parents had decent jobs that paid the bills well enough to survive. Whenever Steve was short in cash, you would always offer him a little bit of your pocket money or your meal. You would even offer to buy tickets for both of you so you didn’t have to sneak in and could actually get good seats. But he would always say, “well, where’s the fun in that?”

So you’d drop the topic and go along with whatever deceitful ways he had in mind. After all, he was your best friend and you trusted him. You’d rather choose the thrill of bootleg games than waiting ten minutes early before the show starts anyway. But you remember it vividly under the aura of those stage lightings and when the actors were personifying in their larger-than-life costumes, he would be so mesmerized by the show before him that sometimes he wouldn’t even say a word to you at all until it was over.

Before you went home, he and you would walk to the nearest burger place, where you would eat under the polychromatic neon sign and he would tell you, “someday, I’m going to my face on the big screen or one of those giant stages and I would make my mom proud!” he cheered. And you’d always encourage him, “…and I’ll be there to watch and clap for you in the audience.”

Rest in peace, to your naïve bravado… Little did you know, his dream was going to be your doom.

You remained closed friends as you grew up; going to the same school, sharing a few classes together, until, in high school, things began to change. He began to join auditions and taking art classes and extracurriculars. He became busier and busier every day to the point where he could only hang out with you on the weekends. That is when he absolutely had no rehearsals or he wasn’t too worn out from a week full of activities.

You also noticed the different manner and shift of inflexion when you two hung out. All he would talk about is the ‘clique’ of popular boys in school had asked him to sit with them at lunch and how the popular girls would start preening at him when he walked down the hallway. It was as if by partaking in these arts clubs, it gave him a VIP member card to get access into sitting with at exclusive spots and it upgraded his status.

He changed his looks as well, by going to the gym more often and eating more so that he would gain some muscles. He began dressing like one of those jocks and he would begin throwing in some flirtatious comments to those popular girls when they were around.

Eventually, he and you began to grow apart. It got worse when he started dating one of the popular girls, Janet, and he would ditch you even on weekends despite all the plans you had made weeks prior.

“I can’t hang out today, y/n. Janet’s parents are out of town and I think we are going to hook up in her giant pool!”

“But what about the movie that we planned to see together today? I thought you had been anticipating for it since a year ago?”

“I know, but can we just postpone it? It’s not like they are going to take it out tomorrow! We could still see it next weekend.”

“Well, we’ve bought the tickets, Steve.”

“Ah, shit, alright, I’ll just pay back the money, okay? How much are those tickets?”

“No, it’s fine, Steve. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really? You sure, y/n?”

“Yeah, I’ll just ask my mom or maybe Wanda to go see it with me. Don’t want those spoilers on the internet ruining it for me.” You chuckled hollowly. Disappointment filled up your heart but you pretended like it was alright, anyway. If Steve wanted to spend time with his girlfriend then, you had no right to stop him and force him to hang out with you.

“Ah, got it. Thanks, y/n. You’re the best!” and then the frozen seconds on the screen showed that he had ended the call.

The phone calls and text messages began to dwindle. You would often try to text or call him first but it would go to voicemail and or you would be left on read. When you were at school, Steve completely stopped hanging around you. He would rather be with his new ‘friends’ now. And he was too occupied with making out with Janet to notice you as you both walk past each other in the hall.

Wanda was your most trusted confidant and she knew about all the feelings you caged inside you for Steve. She would always be there for you when you cry over him and she would always encourage you to move on and stop trying to reach him. “You deserve so much better than this, y/n. Why would you ruin yourself for an asshole like him?”

Curse your adamant heart for refusing to listen to Wanda and take her advice. In the bottom of your heart, you knew that Wanda was right. You deserved so much better than what Steve had turned you into. You used to be this bright-eyed, rose-coloured heart person who saw your future in a radiant lustre. You were always drawn to helping people out. You used to think that maybe you’d end up being a nurse or a school counsellor, but as you grew older, gradually, you realized that there is far way more pernicious malady than physical ones.

Like the wound in your heart that Steve keeps tapping on every time he acts like he didn’t know you or he left another call or text unanswered. Every time he posted pictures of him and Janet, or him and ‘the boys’ who would walk around the school as they owned it. You had always dreaded those boys. You knew they were bad news and you didn’t want to be associated with them under any circumstances. You and Steve used to make fun of them, how much of a loser they are and how negligent they are toward their grades. But who would’ve known that Steve would turn into his own worst abomination?

Eventually, like all good (and bad) things, they must come to an end. You graduated with a 3.8 GPA and you were proud of yourself for all those times you spent being at home to do your homework and study until around 2 AM.

You were happy; you were satisfied with your grades, your parents were there, cheering for you in the audience and taking countless pictures of you when you walked on stage, and you could finally move forward to the next stage of your life. But something was missing.

“Gosh, I can’t wait to finally graduate.” He scanned the paper with a mark that mocked him in big bold red as he sat at the edge of your twin-sized bed. You had just returned from school and you had received the result of your Math tests. You luckily got a B+ but clearly, Steve didn’t acquire the same latter.

“C’mon, it’s just one bad test. It doesn’t mean that your life is over.”

“I know but, I don’t like seeing a C+ on my test, y/n. It makes me feel inadequate. Besides, I need a solid 3.7 GPA in order to get into NYU. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Stop being so dramatic, you still have what it takes. You just need to do a lot better in the next one.”

“Yeah, I’m really gonna have to work my ass off though. Math has never been my strongest suit.”

“Neither it’s mine, but you know what? Someday we’ll wear our graduation hat and this wouldn’t even matter. You’d probably forget that you’ve ever had a C in your high school year.”

You recalled those times where Steve would endlessly talk about graduating and what would happen when both of you go on separate ways. He would tell you “don’t be silly. We’ll always be best friends even if we go to different universities. It’s not like we don’t have a phone, y/n.”

You always imagined that on your graduation day, you both would celebrate it together but of course, those dreams have long perished. Steve didn’t even have a smile on his face when your name was being announced.

He was supposed to be there, standing right next to you and engulf you in a warm, giant hug. The one that he used to give on your birthdays. But no, now, you could only watch him from several feet away farther than you both used to be. You could only hear his echoing laugh as he high-fived the boys and twirl Janet around up in the air like the happy ending in your favourite Rom-Com movies.

That should be me. Your heart cry mourned for the memories and the fractured promises. It was like there was this colossal fortress between the two of you and while you were fighting to climb it to reach him, he, on the other hand, didn’t even have the patience to wait for you.

It’s okay though. At least you had your parents and Wanda and her parents and twin brother, Pietro who adorned this special day distracting you away from the anguish of missing Steve. You were going to spend this entire day with the people who truly loved you and you loved just as equal before you had to leave for the new phases of your own lives.

You will finally move to your college dorm, have yourself a roommate, and invest your time and energy in something that you knew you were always meant to do and it excites you that your journey of helping people will start soon.

And Steve Rogers will be nothing but a consigned to oblivion memory that will sink like a battleship beneath the waves.

At least for now.

[bokutosworld]

someday | kageyama tobio

a kageyama x f! reader one shot loosely inspired by iu’s ending scene.

wc: 2.8 words of heartbreak, regrets, and moving on. 

summary: kageyama returns home for a reunion he never asked for and gets the closure he has been hoping for. this takes place post-timeskip and has slight manga spoilers.

--

it took five snoozes on his phone alarm before kageyama turned on his back, opening his eyes to stare at his apartment ceiling. he came home late last night and the jet lag was certainly taking its toll on him. it was currently 10:01 am, and in two hours, he would be meeting up with his high school friends. while he wants nothing more than to stay in his bed for the whole day, hinata threatened him that he would spill all his dirty secrets if he didn't show up for the mini reunion. as if i am hiding anything, kageyema thought. he was going to give his orange headed friend a good smack when he sees him later.

at 11:30 am, kageyama was already making his way to their meet up spot. hinata, yachi, yamaguchi and tsukishima all agreed to gather at a subway station which was a 15-minute walk from his current apartment. the route to the station was more picturesque than ever, with the cherry blossoms in full bloom and the pink petals decorating the street like a red carpet. it didn't hit him until that moment that it was currently spring in japan, his favorite season. he admires the view and suddenly he feels as if he's being pulled back to seven years before. when he was a first year on his way to karasuno and saw you, glowing and smiling happily, under the beautiful sakura tree. he wishes now that someone could have warned him that meeting you was a mistake. spring was his favorite season, but for some reason, it's been tainted with memories he wishes he could erase.

by the time he arrives at the station, he saw that everyone was waiting for him. hinata saw him, looking almost frustrated, 'kageyama, you dumbass! you are late!' the other three simultaneously turned their heads to see him sprinting towards them. when he reached them, he crouched and was desperately trying to catch his breath. hinata was still shouting at him, while tsukishima and yamaguchi was laughing at the duo. yachi was watching over them, nostalgia hitting her faster then she wanted that she failed to stop the words coming out, 'you guys never changed huh.'

it's been three years since kageyama saw this crazy bunch. the last time being the one right before he flew to italy where he was joining a team. they all saw him off at the airport, giving him their best wishes and hopes for his success. it even surprised him that hinata, who would usually tease and give him a playful remark, teared up as he left for the departure gates. it was everything he could have asked for a goodbye, but deep down, he wished that someone else was there to see him off too, for one last time.

the four friends were now settled in a yakiniku restaurant. as always, food was the first in their agenda for the day. while waiting, they comfortably launched into a conversation, catching up on each other's lives and plans for the future. at one instance, kageyama teased tsukishima for pursuing professional volleyball despite lacking the interest in it back in high school. the blonde boy just laughed and took a sip of his drink before surprising everyone at the table, 'well, at least i had the guts to do what i wanted to do. unlike others here who knew what they wanted and already had it but chose to let it go.' to make his point, tsukishima sent the setter a smirk. 

an awkward silence enveloped the table. their food arrived and while the kind waitress was setting the different dishes down, the four people were dreading where the conversation will go after what tsukishima said. when the lady left, giving them one bow, kageyama spoke up, 'how is she?' everyone blinked, not knowing how to approach the topic. he repeated himself, while taking his chopsticks and getting a piece of the meat, 'y/n. how has she been doing?' he looked over at yachi, expecting her to have some kind of answer. he remembers how she was best friends with you. yachi smiled, 'she's great! the last time i heard from her, she was visiting her relatives in osaka. i haven't checked up on her this week, i sent her a message though.' she paused, gauging kageyama's expression. he was always difficult to read, yachi knew this from you. she continued, 'i told her about you visiting. she hasn't replied to me.' the conversation shifted to another topic when hinata, worried at his friend, told a story about his time in brazil.

unknown to his friends, kageyama has zoned out of the chat, his mind drifting back to the last moment that he shared with you. he remembers it vividly as if it happened yesterday. it was graduation day and you pulled him to the gardens to talk as soon as the ceremony ended. he had an inkling of what you were about to say, and he was terrified.

he recalls how you shyly looked at him during that time. the you back then was so different from your usual confident and playful self. he's been so used to you going up to him, initiating a conversation and letting you take the lead.

he's always let himself get carried away with your stories, your antics, and even your subtle advances. time seemed to stretch out as you debated whether to go through with your speech, so kageyama spoke up, 'it's finally over. we've graduated.' after a long while, you looked at him and his gaze looked so soft, so focused on you in that moment that you thought there was no other people in the world but the two of you. smiling, you replied, 'yeah, we did it.' shaking off your nerves, you let out a sigh and continued to speak, 'who would have thought that the kageyama, who's so committed only to volleyball, devoted all his time and effort to the sport, could actually get passing grades and make it through high school?'

he shook his head at your taunting statement, reaching out a hand to ruffle your hair. annoyed, you made a move to swat at his hand, but he got it first and intertwined your fingers, 'if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have made it.' he was telling the truth. when he saw you under the sakura tree that time, he wouldn't have imagined that you two would be classmates. he never thought you would be a fixture in his high school life. in first year, he saw you as someone he can rely on to help him with his studies and make sure he never gets a grade below 70 so he could keep his spot in the volleyball team. come second year, he was surprised to see you helping yachi in the gym. as it turns out, you were the new club manager that yachi was telling the team about. since then, his relationship with you evolved.

doubts and questions about your friendship started bothering kageyama on his third year. as focused as he was with practices and preparations for volleyball after high school, he often found himself yearning for your presence - whether it was on or off the court. speculations about your relationship, about him and you being a couple, began circulating around school. the rumors didn't help the emotions that was building inside kageyama, forcing him to look at you as more than a friend but as a lover. as much as he wanted you, kageyama has already set his mind. he felt sick, dizzy, whenever he thought of the dream that he'd carried since he was a child. it was a future without you.

so he doesn't know what to do or what to say when you finally gathered your courage and confessed to him. 'i love you, tobio.' he slowly let go of your hand. your palm felt empty, and you wished you could ignore the warning sign, but you persisted. 'us being friends for the past three years was not a coincidence. us being in the same place three years ago, under that sakura tree, was not fate. i believe that everyone is where they are because of the choices they have made.' you pause, giving him time to absorb what was happening. 'that day, i deliberately took a different route from home to catch the cherry blossoms in full bloom. i knew that street would be lined with pretty sakura trees. i wasn't expecting that i would see someone far more beautiful than the view.' he knows you were talking about him. and he wouldn't say it, but that day, he also took detour to see the beauty of spring. 'my mom always said that life is full of choices. and every day since that spring, my choices have led me to you.'

when you didn't speak for minutes, kageyama took it as his cue to talk. there were so many questions swimming in his mind but all he could ask was, 'why me?' you grinned, 'you don't really need an explanation to know that you are in love. you feel it. and what you make me feel is indescribable. you make me giddy, happy, excited, and proud,' you take a step forward and grab both of his hands. 'and there's nothing i want more in life than to be by your side, supporting you and seeing you achieve your dreams.'

he knows you mean no harm, and he would be lying if he said that he didn't feel moved by what you said. deep down, kageyama feels the same way and he wants to let you know. heck, he would have asked you to be his girlfriend if he didn't feel so confused. he was a simpleminded person and he thought, in all honesty, that he couldn't be a good boyfriend and give you all his time and affection if he was continuing volleyball after high school. so although he reciprocates your feelings, he thought it would be better to keep his love hidden and reject you now than disappoint you in the future. he really thought he was doing the both of you a favor.

'i'm sorry.' as soon as he said those words, your world felt like it was crumbling and you could feel your heart shattering, but he continued, 'you are too good for me.' is that even a compliment, you thought. 'your friendship means so much to me but you and i know having something more will not work.' you hadn't realized you were tearing up. you pulled away your hands, and started wiping at your cheeks. this was it for you two and the ending scene was becoming too much for kageyama. he wanted to hug you and take it all back, but then he heard you say through bated breaths, 'did i read the signs wrong? were my choices a mistake?'

'no, you didn't,' kageyama is looking at you now, almost pleading for you to forgive him. to forget him. 'but i've already decided my future long ago before you went into the picture.' nodding, you sigh, 'so there's no space for me in your future?' kageyama couldn't say anything but the words i am sorry.

it took a while before you calmed down, letting the rejection sit with you. kageyama still recalls the words you said to him before you walked away, 'i know i wish a lot of things, but right now, what i'm wishing for the most is that you don't forget me.'

the hurt expression on your face and the sting when you said those words still affect kageyama to this day. like a curse that was placed upon him since graduation, kageyama has indeed not forgotten you. the flashback that came and overwhelmed him ended when yamaguchi asked kageyama about his vacation plans in japan.

after eating, the group decided to stroll around the mall. each one had things to buy and tsukishima suggested that they went on their separate ways to run their errands and meet right after in the ground floor. kageyama had no other things to do, he could already buy souvenirs but the boy figured he was staying longer than usual and he could get them later in the airport.

deciding to take it easy and relax, he went inside a coffee shop. he didn't notice how he caught the attention of a particular girl who was sitting in the corner. after he placed his order, he sat himself in the available table in the center of the cafe. kageyama felt as if he was being watched, but he shrugged it off, thinking it was one of his fans. minutes passed and a barista gave him his order and soon after getting his drink, someone took the seat in front of him. he looked up, with furrowed eyes, and he swears he felt his heart skip a beat.

after all these years, you still had that effect on him. you excitedly beamed at him, 'so you still drink cafe latte. you haven't changed a bit.' he couldn't believe what he was seeing, he almost spat out his latte, 'i heard you were in osaka?' you laughed and went on to tell him how you returned home earlier than expected because of work-related issues. he didn't need to ask as you caught him up to your life, sharing bits and pieces of what you have been up to since graduation. you seemed happy, being able to do what you've always dreamed of as a manager for a well-known clothing brand. kageyama wishes he has been there to see you rise and be successful, but that would be asking for too much, especially after what he did to you.

sensing that he was feeling uncomfortable, you asked with the kindest tone he's ever heard, 'are you happy, kageyama?' he was speechless at your choice of words, but he knew there was no malice behind them.

'i've missed you.' he wants to say more. to say that letting you go was his biggest regret in life. choosing volleyball over you was mistake that he had realized when one night, after a terrible game, all he wanted was your presence to comfort him. there were moments when he felt so lost that he wanted to pick up his phone and call you. but this was a choice he made and he had to live with it.

'i know, i missed you too, kageyama. it's been way too long.' there were so many words begging to be said but left hanging between the two of you. but the look you held in your eyes was enough for kageyama to know that you have moved on. you glanced at the windows behind him and he noticed how your eyes lit up. he followed your line of sight, and he saw who he can only assume was your lover. you waved at him and before you can say goodbye to kageyama, he beat you to it, 'for what it's worth, i didn't forget you. not once.' you know he was talking about your last request to him and your heart warmed. 'thank you, tobio. i'll see you around.' finally, you turned around and exited the cafe to be welcomed into the arms of your boyfriend.

kageyama saw the two of you walking away, slowly fading from his line of sight. it was weird, he thought he should be feeling sad and broken as he has spent the past years after high school yearning for you from afar. he had selfishly hoped that you would be waiting for him. that when he returned, you would be welcoming him with open arms. but that's not how life works. he was thankful that time has been good to you and gave you the happiness you deserves.

just as he was letting the surprise reunion sink in, hinata came barging in the cafe and took a seat. he peered at kageyama, almost worried, 'you're creepy. why do you have this weird look on your face?' he sneered at hinata and threw a tissue at him. 'what took you so long? you didn't even buy anything.' at that, hinata goes on to complain about his shopping experience.

while he was listening his intently at his old friend, kageyama thinks back to you. the acceptance comes in slow but he was sure. he used to wish for you, but now, he hopes he would also find his own happiness.

[teaspoon-full-of-sugar]

wrong

pairing: stanley barber x reader

warnings: drug use (of course), spoilers for season finale, arguments, cursing

word count: 2.2 k

synopsis: in which stanley is in love with his best friend, and y/n has had enough of the distance.

—

Stanley Barber remembers vividly the first time he ever got high.

He was barely 13 when he found his father's stash in the old china chest in the corner of the dining room, and it took him a couple months to gather the courage to actually use it. His mother was gone, claiming to be at the neighbor lady's house for a "wine night"; he later found out that she went there to sleep with the neighbor lady's husband. He couldn't blame her for the affair, though.

Looking back on that night, he sounds a little pitiful. He was by himself, coughing and choking on the burning smoke. He laughed and talked to himself until he passed out, content and calm. It wasn't an overwhelming high, or an exhausting high, or even a powerful high, but he would never forget that night.

The next morning, he woke up with a foggy mind, burning eyes, and a wide smile. He strutted proudly out of his house that morning, his satchel dragging behind him, and quickly caught up to his neighbor, Y/N, who had her baggy hoodie bundled in her arms, wrapped tightly around her middle as she sluggishly walked down the wet sidewalk. He remembers the sour look on her face, her eyes downcast and heavy as she grumbled about how early it was. She gave him an incredulous look when he told her about his escapades the night before; she didn't believe him. A part of him was offended when she started laughing, brows cocked with judgment in her eyes.

"I swear," he said. "I'll prove it to you."

She just rolled her eyes, nudged him with her elbow, and scoffed.

"Sure, Stan."

Later that night, he took her to the basement, offered her a joint, and the rest is history.

That was also the night that Stanley Barber finally admitted to himself that he liked Y/N.

He knew that night they first got high together. He knew when he saw that blissful smile on her lips, when her nose scrunched up when she laughed, and when she fell asleep on his arm, features happy and carefree and relaxed. He knew when they woke the next morning, her eyes swollen with sleep, that he would do anything to see her that happy again.

Now that he's (almost) a man and in high school, he can assuredly say that he loves her.

But Stanley Barber, to put it lightly, is weak, riddled with anxiety and self-doubt, so he's never had the courage to tell her how he feels. Every weekend for the past three years, he has wanted to confess his undying love for her, like in the movies. He's thought about it so many different ways; maybe one night he would hold a boombox outside her house, or he would just gather the courage to kiss her. He dreamed of her, holding his hands one night after getting high, and while he was rambling about the meaning of life, she would cut him off by kissing him, her lips tasting like weed and Oreo's and something that is just uniquely her.

But that never happens.

In his junior year of high school, he is confident for once in his life, and he asks Syd out. He never really considered why he wasn't nervous when he asked Syd out. Perhaps, it was because he was certain she wouldn't say no, or, and this is the more likely scenario of the two, he didn't really care if she shot him down. He didn't care if Sydney refused his advances because she wasn't really the one who he had feelings for; she wasn't the one who occupied his every thought. Sydney wasn't the one who held his heart. God, that sounds stupidly sappy. He hates himself for even thinking that.

But he could learn. He could learn to love her as much as he loves his best friend.

Or at least that's what he tells himself.

Nevertheless, he started seeing more and more of Sydney Novak and less of Y/N. He tried not to notice, but he did. (Of course, he did). Y/N would claim to have to stay in class for lunch to finish a project, and then, she started walking home after school instead of riding home with him. Soon, she stopped showing up to their weekend hangouts, which were once filled with smoke, laughter and blissful stories.

It was a good thing, he told himself over and over. It was a good thing. He needed to get out of that relationship. It was starting to take a toll on his mental health. He eventually started to push Sydney into the void that Y/N once had.

When Sydney told him about her mind powers or whatever, it was just another thing to distract him.

That's all everything was anymore: a distraction from his feelings.

Then, it all went to shit. All those distractions and excuses he made came crumbling down.

It's the night of Homecoming. Sydney left him for Dina as soon as they got there, but he didn't expect any different. Y/N isn't there; no one asked her, and he hadn't bothered seeing if she would want to go with him and Sydney, since she hadn't bothered talking to him for the past weeks, even though it was basically his fault. He doesn't dwell on that thought. Then, Bradley pushed Sydney too far, and well... he lost his head. The drive home is a blur of sirens, flashing lights, and blood. He couldn't find Sydney.

He comes home that night to see Y/N lying on his bed, feet propped up on his pillow with too-big socks slipping off her heels. She doesn't move when he kicks his shoes off, unbuttons his shirt; she doesn't look at him, not even when he slips under the covers beside her.

"How was your night?" He asks, but she doesn't answer, the sound of her shallow breaths being the only sound in the room, besides the buzzing from the old lights by the bar. He sighs. "My night was great. Thanks for asking."

He wants to burst, anger and insecurity making it hard for him to breath. He wants so badly to tell her everything: what's been going on with Sydney, with Bradley; he wants to scream until his lungs give out because he just feels like no one can hear him, or even notice him for that matter. He wants her to know how much he wishes she was with him tonight, how she makes things easier for him. He just wishes she could understand, but she won't, and she never will. Why? Because he is a scared little boy, and that's all he'll ever be.

"Don't be a dick, Stan," she mutters, words slurring together slightly.

"How high are you?"

"Too high," she answers, trying to keep her composure. That's when he notices her legs twitching, her barely open eyes, a half eaten Cosmic Brownie and a crumpled water bottle on the ground.

"Do you need to throw up?" He asks tiredly, knowing how she can get when she's had too much, and, judging by her sluggish movements, she's nearly there.

"No." She says.

They sit in silence, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, it's awkward.

"I'm mad at you," she says suddenly. "I am very angry with you." Her voice breaks toward the end. He can't see it, but a tear slips down Y/N's cheek, wetting her hair.

He never noticed how much of an effect it had on her when he left. Stan was her only friend, and the fact that he left her alone for some other girl made her understand how fragile she feels without Stan beside her. She hates how dependent she is on him, so she did what any other person would do: pushed herself away. She always thought that it was always going to be just her and Stan, but she was sorely mistaken. It was petty, really. It started off with little things, like being snippy whenever he brought Syd up; then it escalated, and it eventually got to the point where she would leave whenever Sydney was going to come over.

When Stan told her that he and Sydney slept together, it was over.

Y/N hated how many tears she cried for him. She hated the fact that she was never good enough for him. She hated having those stupid memories with him, and she hated the fact that she still loved him. Despite the fact that he seemed to care so little about their friendship, despite the pain he put her through, she couldn't get him out of her head; she couldn't sleep without dreaming of him, and her days were plagued with thoughts of him.

And it broke her to see him so happy with someone else.

So, she cut herself out of his life completely because surely, she would be fine on her own, right?

Once again, she was mistaken.

Despite how hurt and resentful she was, she could not stay away.

"Why? Is that why you've been avoiding me? I haven't seen you in weeks, and now, you come around when you need a hit. And you break into my room and use my stash. What the hell, Y/N? You're angry with me? I should be angry with you," he spits, sitting up quickly.

She shakes her head, breathing out through her nose. She turns onto her side, facing away from him. He feels his face heat up, anger and frustration seeping through every pore, but behind all that—the hurt and the resentment—he feels empty and broken.

"Fucking look at me, Y/N," he grits out, his emotions getting the better of him. Stanley has always been a picker; he pushes and pushes until he gets a reaction out of the person. He did the same with Sydney at the bowling alley (and he nearly got his head taken off) and he does the same with his father. Maybe it's to get a reaction or attention.

"Why are you angry with me? Huh?" He asks again, poking her and pulling at her arm to make her look at him.

"What is wrong with me?" She sits up suddenly, making them nose-to-nose. Stan visibly recoils, brows furrowing and lips twitching. She looks tired, her shoulders sagging.

"What?"

"What is so wrong with me, huh?" Her bottom lip trembles, and tears swell in her red, hooded eyes. "I have been with you through everything, with your dad, your mom—" She looks down at her trembling hands, snot dripping from her nose. She wipes it away with the sleeve of her sweater, sighing weakly. "Then, suddenly, that's not enough, and you ditch me for Sydney fucking Novak, and you—you..." The words die on her tongue, and she looks so sad, her lips puckered to keep from crying any more. "You kiss her and hug her and—" She swallows, pain etching her features. She curls into herself, hugging a knee to her chest. "What is so wrong with me?"

Stan is in absolute awe. He wants to pull her into his arms and sink into the comforter, kissing her, but he can barely move, his heart racing in his chest. He stutters, looking for the right words. This is it; this is the moment he has been waiting for. The past three years he has dreamed of her baring her heart to him, professing her undeniable love for him, but he can't even speak. He is, for once in his life, completely at a loss for words. Whether from frustration or elation, he doesn't know, but he can feel tears forming in his eyes, nose burning and skin clammy. He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding on to, his heart racing.

He shakily puts his hands to the crook of her neck, holding onto her warm skin like a lifeline. He looks down at her lips; they're tucked into her mouth, teeth biting at them nervously. His thumb traces the bottom lip, easing it out from her teeth. She looks at him with anxious eyes, wide and pleading for him to make a move.

And he does.

He kisses her.

It's not what he expects, really. There isn't any fireworks or chills, and it doesn't leave him gasping for breath. No, in fact, it feels like he's breathing for the first time; it fills him with warmth and security and such relief. And as she holds onto him, her arms wrapped tightly around his middle, he has never felt more at home. He has never felt so content and peaceful.

"Absolutely nothing," he says after they pull apart, resting his forehead against hers. It feels like there has been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He runs his thumb over her cheek, wiping away tear marks from her skin. She sniffles, leaning into his touch. He kisses her nose, a wide smile creeping over his features.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a O (Part 1)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Ojisan to Marshmallow:

Genres: Slice of Life, Comedy, Romance, TV Short

Synopsis: Habahiro Hige is a simple-minded older man who works an office job and is an enthusiast of Tabekko Marshmallows. His days often consist of being teased by his 24-year-old colleague Iori Wakabayashi, who uses his obsession to her advantage: from eating them in front of his face, to buying out his favorite brand from the convenience store, and even embarrassing him in front of their boss. Although her friends cannot fathom what she sees in him, she just cannot get over his marshmallow-like, fluffy frame. No matter the lengths it takes, Iori will find a way to get his attention. Little does Habahiro know that she is trying to seduce him into a romantic relationship with her. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? At least this is what Iori would honestly like to believe. With a bag in hand, Iori continues to make him chase after her day after day, hoping that he will finally see through her attempts. Will he ever realize that their relationship can become s'more? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 12, 3 minute long episodes. 

My Thoughts: A cute, bite sized anime with feeling. Something light and short to watch on a bad day. 

Omoide Poroporo (Only Yesterday):

Genres: Slice of Life, Drama, Romance, Film

Synopsis:  Taeko Okajima is a 27-year-old, independent woman who spent her entire life in Tokyo. Looking to unwind from the rush of the big city, she decides to visit her family in the country to help out during the harvest. On the train there, Taeko vividly recalls her memories as a schoolgirl in the initial stages of puberty, as if she is on a trip with her childhood self. A young farmer named Toshio picks her up at the station, and they quickly develop a friendship. During her stay, Taeko forms strong bonds with family and friends, learning the contrasts between urban and rural life, as well as the struggles and joys of farming. Nostalgic and bittersweet, Omoide Poroporo takes on Taeko's journey as an adult woman coming to terms with her childhood dreams compared to the person she is today.

My Rating: 9/10

A film released in 1991. 

My Thoughts: One of the lesser known films by Studio Ghibli and well it didn’t leave that big of an impact on me it was still an experience to watch and one i’m thankful for. 

Onigiri: 

Genres: Comedy, Supernatural, Fantasy, TV Short

Synopsis:  Ancient Japan is under attack by powerful beings called "Kamikui," and it is up to the "Oni" and his band of eight beautiful female warriors to stop them. Each of these girls have unique skills, abilities, and personalities. They partner themselves with the Oni, Jin, to stop the miasma of darkness sweeping across Japan. Onigiri follows the escapades of Jin and his merry companions as they strengthen their bonds and fend off the demonic invasion. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

(Couldn’t find a gif, the one above is not from the anime.)

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 13, 4 minute long episodes.

My Thoughts: Meh. Can’t remember a thing. 

Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki (Wolf Children):

Genres: Fantasy, Slice of Life, Film

Synopsis: Hana, a hard-working college student, falls in love with a mysterious man who attends one of her classes though he is not an actual student. As it turns out, he is not truly human either. On a full moon night, he transforms, revealing that he is the last werewolf alive. Despite this, Hana's love remains strong, and the two ultimately decide to start a family. Hana gives birth to two healthy children—Ame, born during rainfall, and Yuki, born during snowfall—both possessing the ability to turn into wolves, a trait inherited from their father. All too soon, however, the sudden death of her lover devastates Hana's life, leaving her to raise a peculiar family completely on her own. The stress of raising her wild-natured children in a densely populated city, all while keeping their identity a secret, culminates in a decision to move to the countryside, where she hopes Ame and Yuki can live a life free from the judgments of society. Wolf Children is the heartwarming story about the challenges of being a single mother in an unforgiving modern world. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

A film released in 2012.

My Thoughts: Like movies that make you cry and have a bit of an odd concept? This film may in fact be for you! Nice art and a touching story.

Orange:

Genres: Sci-fi, Drama, Romance, School, Shoujo

Synopsis:  Naho Takamiya's first day of her sophomore year of high school is off to an uneasy start. After waking up late, she receives a strange letter addressed to her. However, the letter is from herself—10 years in the future! At first, Naho is skeptical of the note; yet, after witnessing several events described to take place, she realizes the letter really is from her 26-year-old self. The note details that Naho's future life is filled with regrets, and she hopes that her younger self can correct the mistakes that were made in the past. The letter also warns her to keep a close eye on the new transfer student, Kakeru Naruse. Naho must be especially careful in making decisions involving him, as Kakeru is not around in the future. With the letter as her guide, Naho now has the power to protect Kakeru before she comes to regret it once more. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 13 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I loved the manga... I honestly have no idea why I only gave the anime an 8... Maybe the story just had less impact the 2nd time around? Not a clue. 

Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story):

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Shoujo

Synopsis: With his muscular build and tall stature, Takeo Gouda is not exactly your average high school freshman. However, behind his intimidating appearance hides a heart of gold, and he is considered a hero by the boys for his courage and chivalry. Unfortunately, these traits do not help much with his love life. As if his looks are not enough to scare the opposite sex away, Takeo's cool and handsome best friend and constant companion Makoto Sunakawa easily steals the hearts of the female students—including every girl Takeo has ever liked. When Takeo gallantly saves cute and angelic Rinko Yamato from being molested, he falls in love with her instantly, but suspects that she might be interested in Sunakawa. With his own love for Yamato continuing to bloom, Takeo unselfishly decides to act as her cupid, even as he yearns for his own love story. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9.5/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I freaking loved this anime!! The male lead wasn’t your typical pretty boy, all of the characters were wonderful in their own ways and the relationship between the two leads was painfully adorable. Big fan of this title!

[jawabear]

A Whole New Man (Javier Pena x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: I've been writing this for a week and I've finally finished it. Its a little long but I hope you enjoy it. I don't know the exact timing of his life so I may be inaccurate so I apologise for that. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe :)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut

Warnings: fem!reader, Soft!Javi, poor boy is desperate for love, mentions of death, crying, smut, soft smut, Pedro Pascal comes with his own warning

Summary: Back home, Javi doesn’t feel right, he feels out of place, he’s missing something...or someone

It had been two days. Two days since he had been home. He felt like an outsider. Laredo hadn’t changed all that much, but he had. He didn’t feel he belonged in his home town anymore. He wasn’t used to the quiet life there. But it was one he dreamed of when he was a kid. To settle down with a beautiful woman, raise a child or two, have a large garden and a porch so he could sit and watch his kids run around like he had in his own family home.

But Colombia had changed that. It had changed him. He wasn’t that same man who he used to respect. His dream was destroyed, he wasn’t the family man he wanted to be. He was something completely different and he hated it.

And of course it didn’t help all the people who were constantly congratulating him for his “achievements” in taking down Escobar and the Cali Cartel. He wanted to distance himself from it. He knew what they didn’t. The true number of how many good officers lost their jobs, lost their lives to catch those scumbags. How much innocent blood had stained the streets of Colombia because of them. And his own hands certainly weren’t clean. But they were covered in the blood of the enemy, but in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to determine who was the enemy and who wasn’t. And there was always that thought in the back of his mind that he had blood of innocents on his hands.

Javi was living with his dad for now. He kind of just wanted the comfort of being with someone who he trusts. He missed his dad a lot while down south, everything that came out if his mouth was pure truth and wisdom to Javi, but the Peña son was never really one to take on his advice, even if he really should have. Javier felt a little vulnerable in Laredo, so having his father there as reassurance was what he needed.

Currently, Javier found himself sat out on his fathers porch staring out into the garden, beyond which was a large forest which he used to play in almost everyday when he was a kid. There was a long a thin stream somewhere in the middle of the woods. Javi has quite the imagination as a kid. Mainly because of all the stories of knights and superhero’s he would get read as a bedtime story by his mother. He used to imagine himself as a brave knight venturing into the thick forest to fight a dragon or some sort of other mythical beast. Or maybe even to recuse a beautiful princess.

Oh, how beautiful she was. 

They were young on their first meeting, maybe about 10 or 11. And it was the start of a long friendship that he was grateful to have had.

Javi was playing in the forest as usual, using a long stick he had found as a sword to fight of the monstrous, fire breathing dragon that he envisioned in front of him. She had appeared on the other side of the stream, looking incredibly shy.

“What are you playing?” She had asked him in a gentle voice.

He paused for a moment, you wouldn’t think it, but Javier Peña was a shy kid. He didn’t really do well around new people, especially girls. “I um..” he had stuttered as she stood up straight “I was...fighting a dragon” he admitted.

“Can I play too?” She asked him, her face bright red, she hadn’t been able to meet his gaze out of her shyness.

“Sure” he agreed “come over” he said, waving his hand to her.

“O-oh” She stuttered, looking into the stream. It was long and wide back then, it had thinned over the years, Javi was sure that it probably wouldn’t even be there any more. And to a ten year old kid, a long stretch of water was a lot more then that.

To them it was like some sort of rapids, one wrong move and you would be lost forever, it would drag you down to the ocean and pull you under, or you would be eaten by some sort of river demon, a sea serpent.

“Hang on a minuet” Javi had told her. He dropped his stick sword and raced off back out of the woods, coming back shortly with a long and wide flat piece of hardwood. He put it across the stream, making sure it was stable by stepping onto it before reaching out his hand to her “it’s safe to cross now” he had said with a smile.

She looked hesitantly towards him, to the wood and the rushing water under it. She gulped and slowly reach out to take his hand before cautiously making her way across his makeshift bridge. “Thank you” She said to him when her feet had landed back on solid ground.

“You’re welcome” he nodded “I’m Javier by the way. Javier Peña”

“(Y/N)” She greeted him “(Y/N) (L/N)”

“Do you still want to play?”

“Yes please” she nodded with a bright smile.

Javier smiled at the memory. He smiled at remembering her. From that first day, they had become best friends. She had only recently moved there so she didn’t know anyone besides from him. Her mother was a florist and had opened up a small flower shop in the town square, the best flower shop there was. They had sleep overs when they became more friendly with each other, and once their parents had met too. He would often teach her Spanish, she didn’t speak a word of it apart from the basics like hello, please and thank you. It was never 100% but she tried her best.

They went to the same school, the same high school. They were there for each other for everything. Through their awkward teen years, which moving into their early 20s they made fun of each other about.

They were each other’s first kiss. People say that your first kiss is the one you most remember. And for Javi, that was the damn truth. He remembered it vividly. He could put himself back in that point in time and relive it so clearly.

They were about 15 at the time. Meeting back in the woods, his bridge still there but the stream and thinned enough for either party to step over it. They were sat on the ground just talking. It was a beautiful night, the sky was clear and the moon was full. But the brightest, most beautiful stars were in her eyes that night. He doesn’t remember what she was talking about but it must’ve been something good or funny because she spoke with a huge smile on her face. He was just overwhelmed by how beautiful she looked that night that he had to kiss her. So he did.

It wasn’t long, or deep. It was a quick peck on the lips. A little awkward if he was being honest with himself, but it was his first kiss. She sort of just looked at him for a moment, in a bit of shock at what he had just done. He went to apologise but she gave him a quick peck on the lips to stop him. And then the next kiss was a little better, longer and a little less awkward. And he loved it.

She was beside him when his mother died, she didn’t leave him or his father for two weeks, she stayed at their house, sleeping in with Javi like they had when they were much younger. They would stay up all night and just talk to each other, she was trying to do everything she could to distract his mind from thinking about his mother. He had a close connection to his mum, she couldn’t imagine what pain he was going through at loosing her, but she supported him and his father as best she could.

That’s when he started to change to the Javi he was now. Not completely, Colombia was the real game changer. But his mother’s passing left a whole is his life that could only be filled by a woman. From that point he was determined to find a woman who would take care of him. But he didn’t choose her. They had too good a friendship. His longest friend, he was scared that a relationship would change that and that he would loose her.

So instead he began to surround himself with what beautiful girls there were in Laredo, one of which was Lorraine. They didn’t date immediately. He was otherwise occupied with another girl called Maria if he remembered correctly. He was then in and out of relationships with girls for about four years. Then when he hit 25 he decided that Lorraine would be the woman he would be with for a while. He didn’t plan on staying with her long, but he had stayed with her for longer than he expected.

All the while, (Y/N) was in the background of his life, she didn’t have as much luck in relationships as he did. Which he was surprised by because for one, she was beautiful, any guy would be lucky to have her and two, most of the girls were pining after Javier, so it was as if single guys were running low. But really, it was because she wanted to be with him. Not that she ever admitted to that, and Javier was blind to it.

And of course she was there to help with the engagement and the wedding, even if it never happened. And she was also there standing next to the woman who she had resented for taking her dream man from her, on her wedding day, dressed in that white dress, only for Javier to never show. And she had to then comfort Lorraine when she cried at being stood up on her wedding day when inside (Y/N) was jumping with joy that Javier hadn’t gone through with it.

Even when he and Lorraine had officially split, he didn’t go for (Y/N). He had pretty much worked through every other girl in his home town by the time he was 29. And that hole was still left in his heart. But he and (Y/N) still remained friends regardless of their complicated feelings for each other that they would never share.

And then he went off to join the DEA in Colombia. He left her behind to go and save the world. She tried to beg him not to go but she knew she couldn’t stop him. She knew him too well, she knew that once he had really decided he was going to do something, he was going to do it. So she had to let him go. And even standing at the airport together, saying what felt like a last ever goodbye, they still couldn’t tell each other how they felt.

Which brought him back to now. Sat back in his home town, staring out into those woods while sipping on a warming beer. He had yet to visit (Y/N). He knew exactly where to find her. In her mother’s flower shop. She had gotten a job there after high school, it’s where she spent most of her time, she loved flowers.

He would’ve gone to see her, but he was scared at what he might find, what he might do. Despite all the women he had been with in Colombia, she was still at the back of his mind. And he was still in love with her. But he had been gone for so long, she had probably found someone else. Maybe even married, had a kid, got to live out his dream. Or, if she hadn’t, he would finally confess his feelings for her only for her to reject him, to ask how he could expect her to love him back when he left her like he did to go and be a hero. And she would be right to think that.

“You’ve been out here for a while son,” his fathers voice drew him from his spiralling thoughts. “Are you okay?” He sat in the chair opposite Javier.

Javi nodded and slipped his beer “yeah Pops, I’m good” he said quietly. Javi didn’t know if he was lying or not. He didn’t really know how he felt. He just felt a little lost. He reached into his pocket looking for a cigarette but let out a sharp huff of air when he remembered he was once again trying to quit. He was trying to leave behind as much of his past as possible, whilst he wasn’t prepared to quit drinking, smoking he was ready to stop.

He pulled out his half empty pack of nicorette gum, slipping out a piece and putting it into his mouth, chewing it immediately. He made a silent reminded to himself to get some more should he ever leave his fathers house.

It had been two days and he hadn’t left the comfort of his childhood home since he got back. He didn’t have his badge or his gun any more, and after years of carrying them around with him every waking second, to not have it, he just couldn’t feel safe. But he knew that Laredo was a safe place, a small and gentle town, so he would feel safe but knowing the truth of the world, he couldn’t be so sure any more.

“You’ve been cooped up in here since you got back. Perhaps you should take a walk into the square. Refresh your memory of the place, might put you a little more at ease” Chucho told his son “and I know someone there that would love to see you again”

Javi felt his body stiffen and he took in a sharp breath “(Y/N)?” He asked his dad with a slight laugh as he looked over to his father who didn’t share the same humour as his son, he nodded “No creo que ella quiera verme papá” (I don’t think she will want to see me Papa)

“¿Qué te hace decir eso?” (What makes you say that?) Chucho asked him.

Javi sighed heavily and ran his hand over his face before taking a long swig of his lukewarm beer. “Would you want to see me after I just up and left?” He asked.

“You’re my son”

“I mean if I wasn’t” his father didn’t respond to this, he just let out a low noise and looked off into the woods that Javi was daydreaming about moments earlier.

“I don’t know why you two never got together. You had been with so many girls before but you ignored the best one” Chucho muttered.

“I didn’t ignore her Papa” Javi argued “she was just-“ he cut himself off realising his dad was right. In a way, he was ignoring her. He was ignoring his feelings for her for the longest time, and even when he had the chance to confess he still held onto them. And she was the best one, by a long way. “Éramos amigos, papá. Mejores amigos (We were friends, dad. Best friends). I couldn’t just...I couldn’t lose her. You know what I was like in those relationships. None of them lasted, even when I thought it would, I fucked it up. And if I was with her...I would lose her like I lost everyone else”

“Maybe none of them lasted because you didn’t mean it. None of them were the right one for you Mi Hijo. And you know that”

“And you think (Y/N) is the right one for me?” Javi asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s not for me to decide” Chucho shrugged taking a sip of his own beer.

-

Javi shivered as a bitter wind blew against him, he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets as he walked into the town square. It was getting late, so most shops were closing up for the night. He just hoped that he wouldn’t be too late to see her.

As he would walk, people passing by would want to stop him and talk to him. They would want to congratulate him for what he had done in Colombia. Javi would be gracious and thank them but he knew that in reality he hadn’t really done much to change anything. Part of him wished he had taken that job down in Mexico, it would’ve given him something to do but he didn’t know how many more of the horrors of the drug war he could take.

He stopped a little bit away from the flower shop where she was. The lights were still on inside so she must’ve been there still. He looked at the sign on the door, opening and closing times. He checked his watch and saw it was just about closing time, but he decided to walk in anyway. It was empty of people but full of flowers, beautiful colours and different varieties. And the smell was just amazing.

The bell above the door gave a gentle ting as he entered. “Oh, sorry, we were just about to close” his heart stopped at hearing her sweet voice again after so many years. His eyes looked for her and saw she was standing behind the counter, her back to him as she fiddled with some kind of flower basket there.

“Actually, I’m not looking for flowers...” he told her. He noticed her body stiffen slightly before she slowly turned.

And when their eyes met, well, he felt like he could’ve cried. Seeing those beautiful eyes again was just overwhelming to him. “J-Javi?” She stuttered quietly.

“Yeah..” he said softly “Hey (Y/N)”

She let out what sounded like another whisper of his name before stepping quickly towards him and throwing her arms around him. Javi didn’t hesitate in wrapping his arms around her, burying his head into her hair, refreshing the memory of her sweet scent. He never wanted to part from her again. Being in her warmth really made him feel like he was home. Perhaps that’s all he was missing, he was just missing the warmth of his best friend, his favourite thing about his home.

For a while they didn’t say anything. They just stayed wrapped up in each other’s warmth, trying to make up for the cold 2,500 mile space left between them whilst he had been in Colombia.

She regretfully pulled away, beaming a bright smile to him as a few tears slipped down her rosy cheeks. He lifted his hands to wipe them away with his thumbs and gave her a soft smile back, “I-I can’t believe your back” she told him “well I mean, the whole town is talking about it but I didn’t think you would come back here. To me I mean”

“I couldn’t not come back to you” he told her “you are my best friend after all” he put emphasis on the word ‘are’, and it was hopeful. He was hoping she still would be his best friend, if not a little something more than that.

She just continued to smile at him “you-you look amazing” she laughed softly as she stepped back from him.

“So do you” he said “but you always did. So um...how have you been?”

“Uh...good” she nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been good. Not much to report really. Nothing has really changed since you’ve been gone. Except I’ve gotten a little older I guess”

“But no less beautiful” he whispered more to himself, but she heard him and he saw her face turn a little bit red as she gave him a shy smile.

“But what about you? You must’ve had an experience down there. From what everyone is saying, you’re a true hero”

“I wouldn’t really say that” he mumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m definitely not a hero...”

“H-Hey, if you’re free, maybe we could go to the diner and get something to eat? And we can catch up there?”

“Yeah, sure” He smiled with a nod.

“Great” she said “uh, let me lock up and we’ll go” she went about gathering her stuff, her coat and bag, and then grabbed the keys to the shop. They both stepped outside and she locked the door, pulling on the handle a few time to make sure it was secure. Once she was happy she turned to Javi with a smile “shall we go”

“Of course”

-

He had told her as many stories as he could about his time in Colombia. Escobar, Cali, Los Pepes, everything. And she told him everything she could. Although, she wasn’t lying when she said it wasn’t much. The main thing was that her mother had met someone and moved out to Austin with him, (Y/N) stayed because she liked the quiet life in Laredo, she wasn’t one for the city and the capital of Texas was not where she wanted to be.

Her sweet laughter echoed through the otherwise empty diner. The two had spent many nights here in the same position in that small retro diner, he would say something she would laugh, she would say something he would laugh. It was a nice routine to have. And they always ordered the same thing, two cheeseburgers with fries and a large chocolate milkshake. It was a kids dream. And usually they would have to share the milkshake because after the expense of the burgers, they only had enough to buy one. But they didn’t mind, it was nice to share it. They were regulars to this little diner. Same time. Tuesdays, they would get in at 7pm, Thursdays would be at 7:30pm, Fridays would be a risky 9pm and Saturdays would be 9:30pm. It got to the point that their food would be waiting for them in the table when they got there.

They had decided to once again share the milkshake. It was Javi’s idea. But for some reason, this one felt different, it felt like some Lady and the Tramp bullshit. It didn’t help the fact that there was some “romantic” music playing through the jukebox over in the corner of the diner.

“So,” he began as he swallowed down his last few fries “has your love life improved much? Mine sure as shit hasn’t” he admitted to her.

“I thought it did. I dated Santiago for about three years-“

Javi coughed as he choked at her words, she dated that idiot? He reached for his coffee and took small sips to regain his composure. “You dated Santiago?” He asked her.

“Yeah” she nodded “but it didn’t go that well to be honest. He is a complete idiot. At first it was okay. He was really nice, but as time went on, I discovered that he really wasn’t all he made himself out to be. Very arrogant and self-centred. So I ended it. He moved away though about a year afterwards, I think he went down to Brazil with this other girl he met. And after that, I had been in and out of a few relationships but, Laredo is a small town, not many people left” she shrugged.

“I’m glad you ended it” he said “I mean, because you know, I don’t want you to not be happy in a relationship” he added quickly “and Santiago, from what I can remember, was a real piece of shit”

“Yeah, he was” she agreed with a light laugh “so you still haven’t found the right woman?”

He had. He was sat right in front of her, she was right there, his for the taking but he was still a coward and couldn’t tell her. But he could tell her about his encounters with woman, informants down in Colombia. He could find out if she would think different of him when she found out how much he slept around just to get through the night.

“No” he lied with the sake of his head “but...whilst I was down there...well, I had pretty much slept with every prostitute down there” he admitted quietly “the majority of my informants were women, beautiful woman. Looking back at it now, I feel like shit for the way I treated them, using them to get information, putting their lives at risk just to get the smallest lead. But no, I never found the right woman. I don’t really think I was looking for one to be honest. Too focused on work...”

He watched her with worried eyes as she finished the last of the milkshake “that’s too bad” she said to him “I wouldn’t thought you would’ve found someone by now” she told him “I mean, it’s not like you’re not attractive, and you’re so sweet and kind, girls should be lining up to be with you Javi”

He felt relief that she hadn’t commented on his sex life, but also had that thought that she would mention it somewhen else. But to be honest, he didn’t think she was surprised to hear about his encountered down in Colombia. He had been with enough women in Laredo for her to realise what kind of guys he was. But for now he was realising in the silence, she hasn’t questioned him or seemed repulsed but it.

He let out a soft laugh and pulled out his wallet “you finished?” He asked her.

“You’re not paying” she protested as he pulled out her purse.

“Absolutely I am” he said “my treat” he smiled. He stood from the booth before she could protests any more and walk over to the counter to pay for the meal.

“It’s about time you two got together” the waitress, Rosanna, smiled and she went about preparing his change and receipt. She had worked in the diner since the two were in high school, coming here late on school nights to have a little fun, maybe dance a little together.

“O-oh no, we’re-“ he cleared his throat and gave a nervous laugh “we’re not together” he said.

“That’s a real shame” she sighed with raised eyebrows “you two make a cute couple. I’ve thought that from the very moment you first step foot through those doors. It’s nice to see you again Javi, nice to have you back in Laredo” she smiled as she handed over his change and receipt.

“Nice to see you again too, Rosanna” he smiled to her, giving her a tanking nod before returning back to the booth to get (Y/N) “ready to go, my lady?” He asked her.

She nodded and stood, putting on her coat and grabbing her bag, putting it over she shoulder. They waved goodbye to Rosanna as they left. It was dark now, a similar night to when they both shared their first kiss with each other. Clear skies and a full moon.

“You really didn’t have to pay for the food Javi” she said quietly “we could’ve at least split it”

“I kind of did have to pay though. As an apology for the way I left. Although, I know it’s not enough. But hopefully it’s a start”

“You don’t need to apologise Javi. You’ve done nothing wrong. You left because you wanted to help, you wanted to do a job. Maybe I should apologise for the way I acted, trying to stop you and all, I just...I didn’t want to loose my best friend”

“I can see that this could go in forever, so how about we both accept that we are both incredibly sorry” Javi offered.

“Agreed” she laughed.

“Walk you home?” He offered again.

“Sure” she smiled to him. He held out his arm to her and she linked hers with his, pressing herself against him as they walked back to her small little cottage the other side of the woods by Javi’s childhood home.

-

“You know,” she began softly “tonight is a similar night to when we both had our first kiss” she giggled “Do you remember that?”

“Of course I do. I think about it all the time”

“You do?” She asked in slight shock.

“W-Well...I mean...y-yeah” he stuttered, his face feeling hot now.

“So do I” she admitted “I think about...a lot of things we did. A lot of things we...we could’ve done”

“Like what?” She was silent for a moment as she thought over what she wanted to say “I know a lot of things I would’ve liked to have done...” he continued. He stopped in his tracks, she stopped too and stood in front on him. Their eyes meeting and their hearts pounding.

“L-Like what?” She stuttered. He lifted his hands to rest on her cheeks, stroking her skin with his thumb.

“Well, for one, I want to kiss you again...”

“Please..” she begged quietly.

He didn’t question it. She wanted him to kiss her and he most definitely wanted to kiss her. Javi leaned in and pressed his lips to her like he did all those years ago, although this time it was a lot less awkward.

She pulled away and smiled at him “that was...a lot less awkward” she laughed.

“Yeah” he chuckled “I’m um...I’m sorry that I...” He drew in a sharp breath, inwardly grumbling to himself to just man up and tell her “I really fucking like you (Y/N). I love you. And I’m so sorry for leaving you, for not ever telling you, for being with so many other girls when you were right there...just...I’m fucking sorry”

“Don’t be” she shook her head, lifting her own hands to rest on his cheeks “we were both in and out of relationships. I think we’re both at fault, but I fucking love you too. I’ve always loved you Javi...”

He pulled her back in for another kiss, his arms falling to wrap around her waist, pulling her body flush against him. Her arms slipped around his neck, her hands tangling into his soft hair.

-

It was a mess as they made their way to her bedroom, they were both thankful that her home was just one floor so they didn’t have to fumble their way up the stairs to her room. A trail of discarded clothes from the front door to her room, doing the best they could never to break lips. Once they entered the threshold of her room he pushed her onto the bed and made quick work of taking off his shirt before dropping it to the floor and crawling on top of her. Her hands grabbed his cheeks and pulled him down for another deep kiss.

“I’ve waited...” he mumbled between kisses “so fucking long...to have you like this”

“Me too” she told him, her hands slid from his cheeks and into his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. His hands moved down her body and moved under her shirt, trailing up her skin bringing her shirt with him. She momentarily removed her hands from his hair so that he could pull off her shirt.

She pushed herself up into a sitting position when returning her lips to him. His hands flattened on her back. Javi trailed his lips down her jaw and too her neck, sucking and biting on her soft skin electing soft moans from her. “Javi..” she whispered. He let out a heavy breath, her voice electrifying his body in the best way, making him feel more alive then anyone else ever had.

Her fingers slid back into his soft hair. His fingers worked on undoing the clasp of her bra, she slipped it off her arms and dropped it to the floor. He then pushed her back onto the bed and admired her chest for a moment “you’re so fucking beautiful” he mumbled to her before leaning down to take on of her pink buds into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it.

“Javi..” she whimpered breathlessly, stroking through his hair. Javi’s hands stroked down her sides, he trailed his mouth down her stomach, leaving wet open mouthed kisses to her stomach, to the waist band of her jeans. She reached over to her bedside table to switch on the dim lamp there, letting the room be filled with the soft orange glow. He fumbled with the button and the zip before finally being able to pull them off her legs and throw them to the floor.

His fingers were light across the flesh of her thighs. She let out a pleased hum at the feeling of his rough fingers contrasting her soft skin. He gently pulled one of her legs up into the air. He stared at her leg with admiration in his eyes, his hands stroking it as if it were made of the most delicate China. He pressed a kiss to her ankle, to her calves and to her shin. Then to the side of her knee, lowering his body. Then to her inner thigh, he was now settled between her legs.

He rubbed his nose over the waistband of her panties before taking it between his teeth and pulling them down her legs and then discarding them too to the floor, leaving her completely naked under him. “Shit baby” he whispered. He couldn’t help but touch her more. His hands roamed over his body, as did his eyes. He was in awe of how stunning she looked. Feeling completely regretful and almost stupid that he hadn’t taken her sooner. He could’ve had her precious body all to himself by now if he wasn’t such a coward to hide his feelings for her.

She bit her bottom lip as she sat up, matching his kneeling position. Her hands slid up his chest to his shoulder. She looked up at him through her lashes “you’re wearing to much” she whispered to him. This was a new, confident side of (Y/N) that he hadn’t seen before, but he loved it.

She moved around him and pushed him down to the bed, now hovering above him. Her hands felt every inch of his bare chest. Her fingers lingering on the scars that were scattered around his skin. She didn’t think to question how he got them, he didn’t need to explain it to her in that moment. But she knew that none of them could’ve been good. So she made a show of making love to each one in an attempt to erase the memories from his mind.

Her lips were gentle over each scar, after the kiss she would trace a finger over it before moving to the next one. Javi always knew she was gentle, she was always so kind, and having her in such an intimate position made him feel incredibly special. He felt safe for once. She was taking care of him just like he always wanted a woman to do.

“(Y/N)...” he mumbled to her. She lifted her head and brought it over his, looking down at him with soft eyes.

“Yeah?” She whispered, her finger trailing down his cheek.

“Kiss me...” he pleaded. And she did. Their lips joined and his hands moved to her back, his palms flattening against her skin. Their lips moved perfectly against each other. Javi couldn’t explain what he was feeling. His heart was just overwhelmed. He felt it must’ve been a dream. He had dreamt for many years about what it would be like to actually be with her. He had imagine how soft her lips were, how they tasted on his own. He had imagined how smooth her skin would be under his rough hands, how it would feel against his own. He had imagined what it would be like to hear her tell him she loved him. And it was fucking music.

She pulled off his lips, giving him a gently smile before sliding back down his body. She made quick work of getting him out of his jeans, it was effortless for her, or maybe it was simply because he was completely infatuated by her in that moment that any movement she made just seemed perfect and fluid. Her hands dragged along his thighs and he felt weakened. No one had even touched him like that before. As in, no one had taken the time to feel him. Maybe that was his own fault, only ever using them for a quick fuck, Hell, he didn’t even take the time to feel any of the women he had had sex with in his past. Partly because he was so desperate to feel her.

She took her time in admiring his body that he hated so much. He couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror because he knew he truth about himself, he knew who he really was. But every dark thought he ever had about himself seemed to melt away every second her hands lingered on his body. She was changing him, she didn’t realise it but she was. He was becoming a better person every second they were with each other.

Her hands were outlining the bulge in his black boxers. Almost massaging the skin around it, she was yet to touch him where he really wanted her too but he didn’t much care. He was relishing in the feeling of her. He just felt so happy.

A finger then trailed down the length of his member. He let out a shape huff of breath. His hips jerked up into her touch when she flattened her palm over him “(Y/N)” he muttered. Her palm began to rub against him. Up and down, up and down. His mouth fell open and his head rolled back onto the pillow. “Fuck” he breathed.

Her hand was slow but it felt so good. He was melting under her touch, he felt like he was floating, he was on cloud nine. He loved her more and more each second that passed. He was, however, half tempted to stop her, to her give some pleasure, to make her feel as good as he felt. He knew it was selfish to let her carry on, but he simply felt to weak to move. Too absorbed in his own pleasure to stop her.

He lifted his head when he felt her hand move to the waistband if his boxers, pulling them down his legs and dropping them to the floor. His length slapped against his stomach and he saw her eyes sparkle. Her fingers wrapped gently around his length and his head fell back against the pillow, letting out a low groan. Her hand then continued its soft strokes. Up and down, up and down.

“(Y/N)...” he muttered again, this time reaching his hand down to tell her to stop her. “Let me touch you..” he pleaded. She smiled to him and nodded. He pulled her back up his body before he rolled them over and pressed his lips to hers, then it was his turn to slid down her body.

He gently grabbed her thighs and pushed her legs apart, his eyes were now focused on her glistening wetness. He bit his bottom lips and let out a strangled groan at the sight. He nuzzled his nose against he clit briefly before slipping his tongue out and licking a long stripe up between her folds. “Javi” she gasped bringing her hand to his hair.

He was going to make her come from his mouth. He was already addicted to her taste after a single lick.

His mouth was now fully attached to her witness. His tongue abusing her clit making her body writhe under him, her fingers tugging on his hair, sweet moans and whimpers falling from her lips with every flick he gave her. “God, Javier” she whispered “s-so good” she managed to say, her hips began rolling against his hot mouth. He didn’t say anything, instead just letting out a low hum. He wrapped his arms around her thighs, pulling her closer too him. He ate her out as if he were a starved man.

And of course, he was. He felt deprived of being with someone properly. He was starved of feeling what it was like to actually make love to someone. He had been starved of a gentle touch which she had given him. He had been starved of being without her for so long, he wanted to make up lost time by just ruining her in the best possible way.

“J-Javi” she whimpered, he carefully lifted her head to look at him. He was fucking enjoying himself. His eyes were closed and he had the most dreamy face, like he was experiencing some sort of heaven. The sight was so damn erotic that she felt she might come undone in that moment but she didn’t want it to end so soon. He wanted him to eat her out for longer, but she didn’t know how much longer she could last. “G-going to-“ she tried breathlessly “Oh-fuck-Javi” she swore before letting out a load moan. Again he said nothing, but her words encouraged him to go harder. He pressed his face as close to her as he could, his tongue swirling over her, sucking on her clit viciously, desperate to hear how she sounded when she came undone for him.

He noticed how she became short of breath, her moans coming out as high pitch squeaks. Her chest was heaving. She was so beautiful. He could feel her thighs trying to push together, if not for his strong hold in them, he was sure they would most likely be pressed tightly around his head, not that he would be opposed to that feeling.

“Come for me baby” he muttered deeply against her. Those words were what she needed to send her into oblivion. Her back arched off the bed as a call of his name escaped her lips. His mouth didn’t stop, but it did slow down, working her through her climax until her hips were stuttering.

Once she had reached that point, he slowly pulled his mouth of her wet heat. He took a second to admire his work, and to admire just how angelic she looked after her climax hit. Her face flushed, chest heaving, lips parted. It was a sight he could get used to.

He crawled back up her body, leaving kisses across her stomach, chest and breasts and he went. He kissed up her neck, along her jawline, on her chin and finally settled on her lips, capturing the last few sweet moans in his own mouth. A soft hum left her lips when she tasted herself on him. “I want you” he told her slowly.

“I want you too” she told him “I really want you” he could hear the desperation in his voice, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she could hear the same in his. Because he was desperate for her, he had been since they were teenagers. And now he finally had her, he sure as hell hoped it was good.

He returned his lips to hers and trailed a hand down her body and between her legs, she squealed cutely when his fingers ran up through her folds gathering up the wetness there. He smeared it over his length and aligned the tip of his dick with her entrance. He gently eased into her, loving the noise she made as he did, somewhere between and moan and a whimper, or maybe it was the two of them combined.

He watched himself sink into her, adoring the sight. She was just perfect. Taking him like she was made for him. Her head rolled back and he buried his head in the crook of her neck, attaching his mouth to her skin as he began to thrust slowly in and out of her. “Oh Javi,” she began, a dazed expression on her face “you’re so good”

“You’re so fucking tight” he groaned through gritted teeth, “so tight...so wet...so good”

He rolled his hips against hers slowly, painfully slowly, trying to draw out a long moan of pleasure from her which he got. A long and breathless moan came from her lips. Her nails dragged up his broad back, definitely leave red lines on his skin, but he didn’t much care about that. The more marks she left on him the better.

His thrusts were slow at first, he was just trying to come to terms with how good she felt around him. And then he started to speed up a little, her nails then digging into his skin as she gasped out his name “o-oh Javi” she whimpered. His face was still buried in her neck, sucking and biting on her skin, marking her as much as she was marking him.

Her legs lifted and wrapped around his waist and she used what strength she could muster to roll them over so that she was now above him. “Fuck,” he groaned when he looked at her. Her hands rested on his chest as she circled her hips around him “you look so beautiful” he commented in a quiet voice. His hands slid up her arms and back down again a few times before sliding back down her sides to her hips to encourage her to ride him.

Which she did. “Javi” she whispered again as she bounced slowly on his length, her teeth dragged along her bottom lip, her head rolling back. His hands tightened their grip on her hip as she began to pick up her pace. His own hips rose to meet hers, he was once again becoming absorbed in his own pleasure. “Javi-You look so beautiful” She panted as her eyes met his. Both pairs were blown black with lust and desire for each other. Pent up sexual attraction and frustration finally being released.

He had never been called ‘beautiful’ before. But he loved the way it sounded coming from her. He loved the way it felt inside him. Making him feel so loved and adored by her, making him feel so special. He felt so incredibly weak by her, succumbing to her every word, her every touch, her every look. He felt completely at her mercy but he didn’t want to be anywhere else. This was where he was meant to be, with her in that moment.

(Y/N)’s hips rolled against his, grinding them against his. His breath hitched in his throat as his head was flung back. His hands were like a vice on her hips. His climax was nearing, he could feel it building in the pit of his stomach. “(Y-Y/N)...” he stuttered out breathlessly. She dragged her hips along him over and over again, each one coming faster then the last. She was killing him. His mind was empty. All he could think about was her, how good she was making him feel.

Her hands moved to grab the pillow either side of his head as she lowered her body down. His head was still thrown back, his glorious neck on full view to her. Her lips attached to his neck and he groaned lowly. She trailed her kissed up his jaw and back to his lips. Kissing him gently as his hips kept going fast. He slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her body flush against him.

With her body now against him, she found it difficult to move her hips to give the desired effect. He knew how to help with that. He managed to push himself to his knees, her legs still tightly around his waist. She was pretty much sat on his lap, their lips still joined. He began to thrust up into her, his hips slamming against hers as he tried to draw both of their climax’s near. Her hands slid to his cheeks, running her thumbs over his rough skin as she moaned helplessly into his mouth, but he was doing the exact same.

Their ends were upon them. He could feel her walls grabbing at him with ever thrust, and her moans and whimpers were getting more desperate. And she could feel his length begin to twitch inside her, he was grabbing at her back, trying to hold on to something when he came, either that or he was just trying to keep her close. She reached behind her to grab one of his wrists and guided it to her hair. He didn’t need to be told what to do. His fingers immediately tightened within her lock and she smirked against his lips. “J-Javi” she breathed “baby I’m so close”

“Me too Mi Amor” he mumbled. His other hand slipped down her back to grab a generous handful of her ass making her gasp, her head falling back giving him perfect access to her neck. He once again buried his face into her neck, muffling his moans and amplifying hers.

“Javi-“ She squeaked as she desperately grasped his hair. His name then fell of her lips like a chant as she released on him, her walls clenching hopelessly around him. He wasn’t too far behind, letting out a low rumble of her name as his hands on her body tightened their grip on what ever they were holding as his come shot into her.

He slowed his hips, riding them through their climax’s before finally stopping. Now her room was only filled with the sound of bated breaths. He removed his face from her neck to look at her. She tilted her head back down to look at him through heavy eye lids before pulling him in for another kiss.

As their lips worked against each other, he carefully lowered them back down to her bed, letting himself sink into the soft mattress below him. She pulled off his lips and smile gently to him before rolling off him. He quickly grabbed her hand before she could leave the bed “w-where are you going?” He asked quickly.

“To the bathroom” she told him “I won’t be long baby” she promised him with a quick kiss. She then disappeared out of the room, leaving him alone feeling...amazing.

He sat up and leaned over the bed to see the mess of their clothes on her floor. He reached for his jeans but stopped himself. It was part of his routine that he hadn’t been able to shake. Fuck, then smoke. But he was trying to quite smoking, and that wasn’t just a fuck. That was love. They made love. He realised that he had no desire to smoke, or to chew his gum, he was on autopilot, so used to his routine of smoking after sex that it just happened with out him controlling his brain. But now he was thinking about it, the only thing he desired was her.

He chuckled lightly and shook his head at himself. He skipped his jeans for the moment and reached for his boxers and pulled them back on. He grabbed every piece of clothing, wanting to clean the space before she got back. He didn’t quite know what to do with it all but he noticed there was a chair in the corner of her room, so he put the pile of clothes in that before slipping back into bed. He took the time to look around her room. It was definitely her, everything about it. And he loved it.

But his eyes stopped at a framed picture on her bedside table that he hadn’t noticed. He shuffled closer to it and grabbed it from the nightstand to get a better look. And it felt like his head fluttered. He knew exactly what it was. It was them on the night of their prom. They had gone together simply because neither of them had anyone else to ask. The picture was taken by his mother before they left.

God, she looked beautiful. Her hair done nice and neatly, a more natural look compared to what some girls had done. The same went for her dress. It was long, simple and the most beautiful shade of purple. It made her look like a damn princess.

She was a princess.

The princess he had saved in the woods. The princess who he help cross the river and saved her from a watery demise. The princess who he shared his first kiss with. The princess who was his voice of reason, the one who remained by his side through everything.

She was his princess.

He smiled gently as he took a final look at the picture for now and placed it back on her nightstand, then snuggling into the comfort of her bed, letting her intoxicating smell fill his body. “You look extremely comfortable” she commented as she walked back into the room. She walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out what he guess to be a nightdress. A deep shade of navy blue. She slipped it over her body and crawled into bed beside him, pulling the covers over his shoulders.

“I am” he nodded “and I’m happy. I’m so fucking happy. I love you so much (Y/N)”

“I love you too Javi. I’ve always loved you” she told him as she shuffled closer to him, pressing her lips to his again.

This time their kiss was more heartfelt, more meaningful. It was used to try and get across just how much they loved each other, but they both had a feeling that they would never be able to convey that, through anything. She rolled on top of him, his arms wrapping around her waist, not holding her as tightly this time.

“Oh Javi” She whispered in between kisses “I missed you so much”

Her voice was sad. Her fingers were gentle as the stroked down his cheek. “I missed you too (Y/N). Every fucking day I missed you. I feel like such an idiot. For not...for not being with you. For not telling you sooner. My life has been so empty with out you in it. Even when I did have you...I just felt so alone. I needed you more than I thought. I need you to fill the emptiness in my heart. I was so fucking scared of how much I loved you, and I fucked off down to Colombia to be a ‘hero’, but I’m not fucking hero. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to save the world. But maybe I should’ve started smaller. Which was saving my world. Saving you”

He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek but she still smiled at him, her hand shakily cupping his cheek. “Javier, you saved me when you built that bridge” she said to him quietly “and you’ve saved me every day since. You are everything to me” her hand gently brushed away some of his hair from his forehead “you don’t need to be sorry for anything. You are the greatest man I know. And we’re together now, so let’s to worry about the past, let’s look more towards the future”

“I’m never going to leave you” he whimpered “you mean the fucking world to me” she smiled and kissed him again, gently, but no less loving. “This is going to make my dad happy” he chuckled quietly.

“I think this is going to make a lot of people happy” she giggled, reach over to turn off the bedside lamp. She went to snuggle into him but was already buried into her. His arms around her waist, their legs entangled together and his head resting on her chest. She smiled and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, her fingers gently stroking through his hair.

“You’ve made me a better person...I feel great...I feel like a...whole new man” he told her.

“You are great” she said “you should know that by now”

“I love you”

“I love you too” 

Masterlist

08/06/20

[unovamemes]

the history of my relationship with N

Idk this is just something I found kinda interesting:

/

Mid 2016 -17 I reunited with a scratch friend and their icon was N. I asked for ideas on what to draw and she said they liked to draw N but they knew I had no idea who N was (back then I was still super into MLP (...but I’m still into MLP to this day)). She was right I had no idea who N was. She proceeded to recommend Pokémon games to me but I didn’t play one for a while

Some time after that I got Pokémon Sun and decided to check out the Pokémon topic on the forums (we were currently on the second topic) and I was like “yo Pokémon is cool I just got into it” and they were like “yo Pokémon is cool nice to meet’cha”. There was one user there who really liked N and talked about him a lot but I still didn’t know who that was. I was pretty much clueless. But I was like “yeah sure he looks cool”.

One day I had a dream about N appearing in the next Pokémon games (this was before LGPE was announced) and in it I said “ooh yeah that person is going to be so excited about this addition to the game!”. (I still remember that dream very vividly) But I still hadn’t played BW yet so I didn’t know anything about N aside from what she had said and even then I don’t think I knew all the details about N’s story.

After beating Ultra Moon, I knew I wanted to try another Pokémon game and I decided to ask her what game N was from to see what N was like. So after finding out it was BW, one day after school I picked up a copy of White at a GameStop that was close to it. I began playing and fell in love with it.  Then N appeared.

I was looking through old Pokémon topic posts and I kept making posts about how N was evil and kept killing my Pokémon and the way he talked was confusing and made no sense. I don’t remember having these thoughts, but it’s kinda interesting how that aged.

But everything changed when the lettuce nation attacked.

One day I said N’s hair looked like mint ice cream. Showed N to mom and mom said it looked more like lettuce. And thus a cult was formed.

BUT ANYWAY around that time I was really struggling mentally but I tried to hide it and always managed to force a smile even though I was breaking apart from the inside. I would play Pokémon and Animal Crossing as a way to become happy when things were rough.

During my hiatus from the game because of how hard it was to beat Iris, I had a dream about N helping me beat the game. The next day I was able to defeat her.  Around this time I was really beginning to connect with N, and I slowly released how similar we were. After that I almost felt like we were friends, even though he was just a fictional character. It was strange, having feelings for someone I’d never be able to truly meet.

After beating the game and N flew away to another place, I was so sad... well one part was because I couldn’t pay attention since I was in shock that I finally was able to beat Ghetsis, another part was because I thought it was a good idea to include the N’s Farewell song in a memorial video for my cat (I deeply regret this because now I always associate it with my cat’s death), but another reason why is I felt like I was losing someone important to me. A friend. Someone who I had looked up to for a while. Someone who I had been traveling with. I was playing this game for two years, and N was there with me the whole time. It felt like someone I had spent so much time with was gone. I knew I’d see him again someday, but the emotions were just so strong. Losing someone who had helped me so much was painful. Bittersweet.

And thus began my struggle to find the second game.

BUT ANYWAY LET’S SKIP THAT PART AND MOVE ON TO THE SIGNIFICANT STUFF.

I began having lucid dreams again, usually about exploring the Pokémon world and doing things with N. They were fun dreams which brought a sense of comfort to me, especially with the pandemic going on and stuff. I’d always look forward to sleeping, as I knew I’d be able to see my frie-n-d again. The adventures we had always made me happy, and I loved to share them with my friends.

Early February though, I came to a realization:

I was almost exactly like a real life version of N.

So of course I was thinking of N, and I was also thinking about the pain I had been suffering my whole life. I realized that many of the things I went through N had gone through in some way. We had the same experiences and struggles. We’d been hurt for similar reasons, but we managed to push through it and never lost sight of our good nature. While we occasionally would act out or do something bad in response to all the stress, we still tried our hardest to be happy and stay true to ourselves.

Because of this, I finally was able to let go of some of the pain. I felt happier. As if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Because of N I was able to come to terms with the past and accept it. I knew that I couldn’t change the past, but I might be able to change the future. My experiences made me stronger, and I might be able to use these experiences as a way of stopping it from happening to someone else again.

I’d think to myself “N made it through this, so I can too!” when I felt especially hurt. I pictured N as an older brother or mentor to me who I wanted to impress. I wanted to make N proud. I’d do just about anything to be who I wanted to be.

Even though I’m still struggling with past trauma and get flashbacks, I know I’ll be able to make it through this. Because of Pokémon I managed to make friends and let go of the past. Maybe someday I’ll be fully free and no longer have the dark thoughts I have now. Who knows. But I know that I’ll always have an imaginary friend to count on when I need it.

[purplesurveys]

1169

Do you take lessons for anything? No. I’ve done so in the past, but not at the moment.

Has something really heavy ever fallen on you?  Other than siblings or cousins from when we played together as kids, I don’t think so.

If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear?  I never wear makeup but whenever my friends have used my face as a practice stage (lol) they’ve usually just used natural or nude-ish colors, which I find look okay on me.

Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? It has a sliding door. I’m not sure what material it’s made out of, but I can tell you it’s at least not glass.

If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other?  Cooper does tend to bark and/or whine when he sees me giving more attention to Kimi, but not always. Kimi couldn’t give less of a crap, but this is also because he is 13.

Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? I used to not like being inside my bedroom, especially after the breakup. For a long time it was a place I only associated with crying and breakdowns, so when I was doing the arduous task of starting over I haaaaated staying there because it only hurled me right back to square one. But I’m happy to say that I eventually got better, had enough strength to change the narrative for my room, and now I like being here again :)

Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? My mom just asked me to watch Cooper because he was having the zoomies.

Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn?  Not a big fan of popcorn but if I had to pick a topping, I’d go with cheddar cheese.

Are you lonely?  I’ll feel it sometimes, but it only lasts for a moment or so.

What’s your favorite magazine to read?  Wow I haven’t read a magazine in years.

Do you like pineapple?  I hate it. In all forms. The pizza debate doesn’t even matter to me lmao, I just think pineapple downright sucks.

Have you ever seen fireflies? They used to be common in our village when we first moved in, back when there were only like 3 houses in the neighborhood (we were one of the first to move in here). As more houses were built and the place got more occupied the fireflies gradually lessened until they disappeared altogether.

Have you ever trespassed?  I very vividly remember taking multiple trips to the school cemetery back in grade school (I went to Catholic school and ours had a cemetery below our chapel, where all our deceased nuns were housed...I really shouldn’t be talking about this at 10 PM...). I am 100% sure that was an off-limits area but we went there anyway because we were a naughty group of kids and because no one was guarding the area.

Do you tell your parents where you are going? Yeah; if I live with them, they have the right to know. < Ooh, I’ve never even thought about it this way before but this is a very good point. I’ll second this, haha.

Do you agree with the notion that all people were created equal? Yes.

Do you raise your hand or participate in class? God never. I hid as much as I can and only recited if I was called on purpose.

Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not?  I like the malls that we have. But then again, malls are the only decent public spaces we have - we don’t have public libraries, parks, playgrounds, etc. – so it’s not like I have a choice on where I can go if I want to go out. 

Have you ever purposely hurt an animal?  Yeah I kill bugs when I see them. Soz, I have no feelings for them whatsoever.

Would you ever see a therapist?  I planned to finally do this last year but it just fell through haha and eventually I was able to care for myself too. Now that I’m doing a lot better for the most part, I feel like I’d have no clue what to talk about once faced with one.

Are you afraid of heights?  Only if I had to jump all the way down. But if I ever found myself staying at an extreme height simply to enjoy the view, or if I was ever in one of those towers where the top floor’s floor is made out of glass, I think I would enjoy that.

Are you afraid of the dark?  I always say I’m usually not afraid of the dark, and will only be if I was in a situation that was intended to scare me. I would definitely be afraid of the dark if I was in like an abandoned cave or a haunted house, but I would also find the darkness in my room comforting.

Are you a jealous person?  When I am it’s mostly been in a playful sense and rarely serious.

When is your birthday? April 21st.

What are you listening to right now? My very very old aircon doing its very very loud whirring thing. It’s become a running joke in the family because it is literally SO FUCKING LOUD hahahaha Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing?  As a goody-goody, I can only ever do this to my mom; but yeah, she’s caught me many times.

Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten?  Sure, but I’m not ~close friends with any of them. Just chummy enough to like their photos on social media once in a while or greet them happy birthday. My oldest friend was from Grade 1.

What is the most important thing to you?  Being happy with myself and making sure I don’t miss out on life and opportunities.

Do you like whipped cream?  I can take it or leave it.

Are you close to your mother?  We get along but not close.

Are you close to your father? I’m closer to him in the sense that I would be more comfortable around him, but we’re also not physically or emotionally close. 

Do you walk around bare foot when you're at home? Or do you wear socks?  I am Asian hahaha what do you think?

Do you like chocolate popsicles?  Sure! One would sound lovely right now, actually.

Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume?  Both of the schools I’ve attended don’t have mascots.

Would you rather see the Great Wall of China or Big Ben?  Great Wall for sure. Sorry but I can’t see myself getting excited over a giant clock, and I’m sure there are other lovely spots in London I’d much rather visit. 

Have you ever written a poem?  Always unsuccessfully. It’s never been my forte.

Would you ever be a tornado chaser?  That’s a thing? Uh...no way??

What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff?  Pizza. And anything, I guess. Barbecue sauce is the bomb.

Your parents tell you that this summer, you get to pick the vacation. Where do you plan to go?  Covid notwithstanding and budget permitting, probably New York City.

What do you think is a good theme for a prom?  I could not care less.

Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? Thankfully, never.

Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? About what?  You know, I’ve always thought going to the doctor was no sweat until I realized just how nervous I was when I had to book a telemedicine consultation once as part of my job (PR can make you do the most random, out of context things sometimes, I swear haha). I surprised even myself with the reaction I had when I found out I had to do it, and how I felt like declining the offer...I guess I was scared about the possibility of underlying health issues suddenly being unearthed. Your whole life can always get turned upside down in the blink of an eye with just one diagnosis.

Have you ever been to the rainforest?  I’m pretty sure the climate I live in is called tropical rainforest, so I guess yeah.

Have you ever created a website?  Not from scratch. I had always made it under an umbrella website, like Blogspot.

Ever thought about writing a book?  Sure, as a kid.

Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone?  No. Whenever I have dreams of that nature it’s always me or a loved one being killed, but never me doing the killing.

Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? Yes.

Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose?  Stuffy. It sucks not being able to breathe freely.

Which is worse: Sick to your stomach or sore throat?  I super hate sore throat. I already get stomachaches frequently, so even though I know how sucky it can be I feel like the discomfort would be bigger with a sore throat.

Do you think your last relationship was a disaster?  The way it ended was, but it wouldn’t be fair to myself to invalidate the genuine happiness I felt when I was in it.

Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube?  Never.

Who do you think is the easiest to talk to?  Angela.

Would you consider yourself to be emo?  No.

Do you have a favourite metal band or do you not like metal?  Not really, no.

What is your current desktop picture?  It’s just one of the provided desktop photos on my Mac.

Thick or thin blanket?  Thick.

Who are your favorite bands?  Paramore, Coldplay, and Against Me!

How do you mark through your word search puzzles?  Depends on my mood. Sometimes I’ll strike through and sometimes I’ll go ahead and encircle the entire word altogether.

Have you ever sewn something?  I’ve done embroidery...does that count?

What did you eat for dinner last night?  We had breakfast for dinner, actually hahaha so my dad made an omelette, hotdogs, and tapa.

Ever been grounded? If so, for what?  Continued from last night. Yes, I was caught cursing all over Twitter when I was like 11 so my parents cut off my access to all my gadgets for a year or so. Which, in retrospect, is an acceptable consequence for my actions, but we’re also talking about a time when schools were starting to view the internet as a necessity in doing homework and research. I missed out on nearly all my homework for a while, and my mom didn’t buy it when I kept telling her I needed to do my research over the internet. At the same time, she kept demanding why my grades weren’t doing so well when she was the reason they kept being pulled down...so yep, not a very fun time.

Have you seen all of the Jaws movies?  No and I don’t really have the desire to. Doesn’t seem like my kind of movie.

When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer)  Maybe 2 or 3 years ago.

Have you ever drank Cherry Coke? No, I don’t drink any soda.

Have you ever had a black eye?  Nope.

Have you ever eaten a bug?  Not to my recollection, but I would love to try cooked crickets and whatever bug can be prepared and eaten.

Do you like pranking people?  Never; the idea makes me cringe since I never know when it’s considered going too far. I’d rather watch people prank other people.

Did you ever take a cooking class in school?  Yeah, but we were required to take it. We also had some baking sessions, which to me was a lot more fun. I remember having to make macarons and rainbow cake which are both right up my alley, heehee.

Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?  No, idk what that is. I just know people turn everything green on that day lol.

Do you use Skype?  I’ve never used Skype on my own. That’s where I used to talk to my dad for video calls maybe around a decade ago, whenever he was abroad; but I never had my own account. These days I alternate among Microsoft Teams, Google  Meet, or Zoom.

Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches?  I don’t think so, but I did join a few contests on some of those kid’s magazines we used to have...none of which I won.

Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress?  No.

Is your ex sexually attractive to you still?  I haven’t seen her in 5 months, which helps...that said, I simply feel nothing. I’m neither sexually attracted nor not sexually attracted to her.

Describe the most romantic moment you’ve ever had.  I can think of one but I don’t see the point in still raising it, considering where I am in life right now.

Have you ever cheated on a test?  Yes, once. I hated it.

Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? Nope.

How often does your employer ask you to work overtime?  A few times a week. Sometimes I’ll do it willingly as well just to get the task over with or to save myself some deliverables the next morning. I’m fine with OT-ing tbh; since I work from home, I feel like my time is a lot more flexible.

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? I read A LOOOOOT as a kid. I was a total bookworm. < Yeah, same. You could always find me bringing a book to school and reading during breaks, even though they technically didn’t allow us to bring any non-academic book. My spark for reading died when I was around 12, same time as when my depression started to kick in, and it never really came back.

When was the last time you were scared?  Someone from the media called me up yesterday VIA LANDLINE to ask a question about a press release I had sent out that day. I usually read up on the materials we have, but I honestly didn’t give a shit about that particular story and didn’t really make an effort to know more about it, so I found myself stumped when he dropped the question. I ended up stalling for a bit before I was able to stutter an answer, so that was scary, but at least he was nice. Also, I hate phone calls.

What’s your favorite song by Rihanna?  KISS IT KISS IT BETTER

Can you speak binary?  No, I never understood it.

Would you rather live somewhere that had hurricanes or tornadoes?  I already do, at least for hurricanes. I imagine I’d be terrified of tornadoes.

Have you ever had a pet that you disliked?  Nooooooo, never. I was never close to Arlee but I still did my best for her to like me, and always fed her whenever my sister would be in her dorm.

When was the last time you saw hail?  Never. Doesn’t happen all that often here, and when it does it’s always in the provinces.

What is on your mind right this second:  I want to spend my remaining time awake reading fanfic (I’m into them again, omg) but I also wanna finish surveys...so I’m doing my best to breeze through this so I can finally look for something to read hahahahaha.

Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)?  Cooper is Cooperino to me. Sometimes I’ll call him Cooperino Cappuccino. Kimi is Kimchi, Kimmerl, Kimberly, The Kimster, and sometimes Lolo, which is grandpa in Filipino heheh.

When was the last time you shaved your legs?  Like 3 or 4 days ago.

Do you ever try free samples at the store?  Nope.

Do you like boys with long hair?  Physical traits don’t matter much to me.

Do you like rootbeer?  I’ve never tried it but I don’t really want to either haha. It smells weird.

What is the best fast food place, in your opinion?  KFC or Taco Bell. Or Jollibee.

Do you have faith in yourself?  Starting to.

[hellmersy]

For Every Action, There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction. (Prologue)

Alright here it is, finally! Okay so this story has almost none of the elements from my Original Post but I’m actually really proud of it so far? I’m also terrified to post this because the old post has so many notes and now I think people have eXpEcTaTiOnS that I’m completely demolishing but... Fuck it, am I right?

OR

The Prologue of my Black Widow Peter Parker AU from Tony’s POV.

Germany wasn’t Tony’s intention, the Avengers falling apart was never his intention. He just wanted to stop feeling guilty for things that were completely out of his control. 

From the moment Tony signed The Accords they felt more like a weight tied around his ankle further pulling him down into the ocean of guilt rather than the life-jacket they were meant to be, but he couldn’t back out because then Ross would come at them with everything he had and then everybody would end up on The Raft regardless of where they stood.

Tony also knew he didn’t have enough manpower to take on Cap and the others, he needed more, but Daredevil and Mr. Cage weren’t interested, Mrs. Jones’ response to his last message was “I’m just a PI” so he never actually got to her. So that just left Spider-Man.

Tony didn’t know he was just a kid, regardless of what people would later think. He just knew he was desperate that age didn’t matter because his family was imploding and he needed help to keep them all together. 

He still remembers so vividly, the rage and disgust on Peter’s face that had been aimed at him. A startling contrast to the wide-eyed, hero-worship from when they first met.

“You were just going to use me like that?” Peter rasped, his voice cracking with raw hurt and anger, “You said that Cap went nuts, you said that we had to stop him before he hurt someone but it’s you that’s hurting everyone Stark! Do you have any idea what the Accords are going to do to people like me?! I could lose everything. My aunt, my friends, my life. But that doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

Peter kicks him through the side of a jet and his suit crumbles like cardboard under the boys strength and unbridled rage, there’s a crack all the way up the chest plate and through the arc reactor making him unable to move and Rhodey and Vision carry him out when they all retreat. 

Tony doesn’t notice that they left with eight even though they came with ten until after he wakes up in the medbay a day later.

Mrs. Parker threatens to do something, but in the end she just breaks down into tears. “He’s all I have left,” she sobs. Tony doesn’t know what to say other than Peter will be safe with Natasha (he doesn’t even know if they’re together but he just hopes), and that he’ll do what ever he can to keep Peter’s face out of the news.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Siberia comes and goes like a bad dream. 

Tony and Bucky nearly kill each other and then when Tony was bout to finally finish it, Steve nearly finishes him. It was just plain luck or possibly even some kind of divine intervention that Natasha came along just in the nick of time. Peter was by her side.

Tony watches as the teen helps Barnes up and Natasha keeps Steve at bay with a pistol steadily aimed at his head, they’re yelling at each other. “Stop!” Tony shouts, it’s almost a sob. 

“Please god stop,” he sucks in a breath, his ribs are still tender and he looks over to Steve and he cries, “I never wanted this! I just wanted us to be safer, to stop innocent people from dying because of our recklessness,” he looks Peter in the eyes despite his dark glare, “I wanted people like you to have a future where you aren’t hunted, where you can live your life and go to school without having to keep such a big secret like that on your shoulders...” he trails off when his eyes meet Barnes’ because he doesn’t even know what to say. 

His bones vibrate with rage, he wants to feel the mans larynx crush in his fist but the desolate look on the mans face makes his heart twist. “I never meant to tear us apart...” Steve says, his eye are shining with tears and he pushes past Natasha and drops to his knees before wrapping Tony in a hug.

The four of them leave Siberia together. Steve and Tony on one side, and Peter with Bucky and Natasha on the other while FRIDAY pilots. Peter won’t stop glaring at him when their eyes meet. 

It feels like a failure on his part still.

“The Hammer expo, in twenty-eleven,” Peter starts, “You saved a little boy wearing an Iron Man mask from getting himself killed. You said ‘good job, kid’ and then you flew off... that was the day I knew I wanted to be a hero like you,” Tony’s heart clenches painfully in his chest. “And then I got to met you again, for the second time, and it felt like it was supposed to be the start of something amazing, but then I go and figure out that you lied to me... I’ll work with you, Mister Stark, but don’t expect me to forgive you like they did,” Peter says resolutely, Natasha throws her arm over the boys shoulders. Tony nods, and then looks at Barnes and nods to him as well.

It’s a start.

[gryffindorcls]

When Words Fail

When Adrien was six years old, he asked his mother a question.  “How do you tell someone that you love them?”

“My sweet boy,” she said, pulling him close, “It isn't easy, but it's important to be honest about your feelings.”

Her response confused him.  “But father doesn't always say ’I love you’.  Does that mean he’s lying?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Your father has trouble with his words sometimes, but he shows his love through the things that he does for me.  When your words fail, let your actions talk for you instead.”

He never forgot his mother’s advice, and they became his personal mantra after he met the love of his life.  However, when Adrien accidentally saw Ladybug detransform in an alleyway behind the school three weeks ago, everything changed.  Emilie’s words suddenly began to take on a new meaning.

At the time, shock consumed him to the point where he almost forgot how to breathe.  Marinette had collapsed into a heap on the ground as his own transformation dropped.  Three years of anonymity were stripped away in a matter of seconds.

Things were tense between them during the first week, but then Ladybug showed up at his house one night with a box full of pastries.  They spent the evening talking, laughing, and getting to know each other.  It was then that Adrien was finally able to fuse the two incredible girls together in his mind; however, it was also the night that he fell even more in love with her...and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Nino noticed the change immediately, and strongly encouraged him to ask her out. As Chat Noir, he’d never had a problem telling Ladybug how much he loved her, but now that he knew that the heroine was Marinette...it was a different story.  He’d been turned down so many times as Chat that it became second nature to feel disappointed, but the thought of being rejected by Marinette terrified him.  As a result, every time he attempted to ask her out on a date, he would freeze, but today was going to be different.  This time, he had a plan.  After a pep-talk from Nino last night, he was ready to finally tell Marinette that he was in love with her.

Adrien walked into the classroom with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.  He was early, but he was too excited to care.  Today, he would be getting on a bus and going on an overnight trip to Normandy with his class.  He knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Marinette.

The plan was simple.  He’d already convinced Nino and Alya to sit together on the bus.  All Adrien needed to do now was make sure that Marinette sat next to him so he could have three uninterrupted hours to confess his feelings.  He had even written down what he wanted to say on a notecard.  He stashed this in the pocket of his sweatshirt for safekeeping.  Nothing was going to stop him this time.

As the clock ticked closer to the beginning of the school day, the rest of the students began to file into the classroom.  Five minutes before the bell, Marinette stumbled into the room with a pink duffle bag and a large travel mug.  He watched as she crashed into the teacher’s desk and cursed silently under her breath.  She then stomped over to her seat and huffed.

Alya laughed.  “Well, aren’t you just a little ball of sunshine ready to take on the day!”

Marinette put her head on the desk and groaned.  “Who me?  Not at all.  I wouldn’t dream of taking that title away from Adrien.”

“Seriously, girl.  You look like something the cat dragged in.”

“No.  It wasn’t a cat this time.”

Alya knitted her brows in confusion.  “Wait...what?”  

Marinette shot up in her seat and looked at the Ladyblogger with panicked eyes.  “I mean...I was up late designing something.  Inspiration struck late last night, and I didn’t want it to disappear.”

“Hopefully you can catch some shut-eye on the bus ride...and speaking of bus rides, I told Nino I would sit with him.  Please don’t be mad.”

“I could never be mad at you for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend.  Besides, we’ll have plenty of time to talk in the hotel room later tonight.”

Alya gave her best friend a quick hug.  “I knew you would understand!  Also, Adrien is pretty excited to sit next to you...right Adrien?”

He looked up at Marinette.  “Looks like we’re going to be seat buddies today!”

She gave him a smile that made his heart skip a beat.  “Sounds fun, but don’t be surprised if I fall asleep on you.  I can barely keep my eyes open right now.”

He felt his cheeks grow warm.  “That’s okay.  I don’t mind!  You’re welcome to fall asleep on me anytime.”

Alya raised her brows upon hearing his statement, but before she could respond, the final bell sounded and their teacher walked into the room.  Miss Bustier gave the class several last-minute directions before having the students exit the classroom.  Fifteen minutes later the class was on the bus, Marinette was staring out the window, and he was doing his best not to pass out.

Once the bus started moving, Marinette turned to look at him with glassy eyes.  “Can I tell you the real reason I couldn’t sleep last night?”

He placed a hand on her arm.  “Of course, my lady.  You can tell me anything.”

“I had a dream last night that we fought Hawkmoth and failed.  It’s not the first time I’ve had a dream like that.  Do you ever wonder if we’ll actually defeat him?  I can’t imagine fighting Akumas for the rest of my life.”

“I’ve had lots of bad dreams, but they’re never about Hawkmoth.  My nightmares usually consist of losing someone I love or being trapped.”

“Oh, kitty…”

“It’s fine.  I haven’t had one in a while.  But I do think about defeating Hawkmoth while I’m awake.  I’m confident that as long as we’re together we’ll be able to take him down one day.”

“Well, if you want us to work as a team, you’ll have to be less reckless during fights.  No sacrificing yourself for me, Chaton.”

He sighed.  “We’ve talked about this, Bugaboo.  You’re the only one who can cleanse the Akumas and fix everything.  It’s my job to protect you and make sure that you don’t fail.  If it’s between saving me or you, it’s always going to be you.”

She leaned back against the window.  “Yeah, I know.  I just care about you.  The thought of something happening to you makes me feel sick.”

Adrien swallowed his nervousness and shot her his best “Chat Noir” grin.  “It’s going to take more than an Akuma to take me away from you, my lady.”

Marinette gently pressed her finger on his nose.  “I’ll hold you to that, kitty.”

“So, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Alright.  I’m all ears.  What’s up?”

“Well, I was wondering if maybe you...umm...you see.”  Adrien reached for the notecard in his pocket and stopped as an explosion of frantic butterflies coursed through his body.  “You know what...never mind.  It’s stupid.”

Marinette cocked her head to the side.  “Are you sure?  You know you can talk to me about anything.  That’s what partners for, right?”

“Yeah...partners.  Ummm...it’s fine.  I’m okay.  You’re probably too tired to talk anyway.  Didn’t you say that you wanted to take a nap?”

She cast him a sympathetic look.  “I guess I did.”

A silence fell between them as Marinette returned to looking out the window.  He did his best to stay calm, but his nervousness made him feel unusually warm.  He surreptitiously wiped his hands on his pants.  The last thing he needed was for Marinette to think that something was seriously wrong with him.

“You can do this, Agreste,” he thought to himself, “She’s right there.  All you have to do is say something.”

As he opened his mouth to speak, he saw Marinette shiver and wrap her arms around her body.  Seeing her discomfort caused his mother’s words to crash into the front of his brain.

He could hear her voice echoing in his mind.“When your words fail, let your actions talk for you instead.”  

He knew what to do.  Adrien took off his sweatshirt and tapped Marinette on the shoulder.

“Are you feeling cold?  If you are, you’re welcome to use my hoodie.”  He held out the garment for her to take.

She reached out and took the sweatshirt from his hands.  “Are you sure?”

He nodded. ”Yup!”

“Thank you, kitty!  I forgot to take my jacket out of my duffel bag before it got stowed under the bus.  You’re a lifesaver!”  She pulled the sweatshirt on and put up the hood.  “How do I look?”

He leaned in.  “Wonderful as always, Bugaboo.”

In one swift movement, Marinette flipped up the armrest between them, pulled his arm around her, and snuggled into his side.  While this was not the first time she’d done something like this in the past two weeks, it still surprised him every time it happened.

After the initial shock wore off, he chuckled.  “Comfy?”

She scootched even closer.  “I am now.”

It amazed him how moments like this had become commonplace between them, yet he still couldn’t tell her how he felt.  He vividly remembered how Marinette used to freak out around him.  As they grew closer as friends in their civilian lives, her stammer around him subsided, but she would still become flustered regularly.  Adrien could never figure out the cause of Marinette’s apprehension, but none of that mattered anymore.  The reveal changed the dynamic of their relationship, and he was now constantly in the presence of a confident and playful Marinette.  Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Adrien.  He’d spent the past three weeks vacillating between heart-melting bliss and sheer panic.

Adrien’s heart swelled with affection as she placed a hand on his chest and released a happy hum.  He spent a few minutes enjoying her closeness before gathering the courage to try confessing his feelings one last time.

“Hey, Bug,” he whispered in her ear.

Marinette didn’t respond.  When he looked down, he saw that she had fallen asleep.

“She must have been really tired,” he thought, “It would be rude to wake her up now.”

He spent the next two hours holding Marinette in his arms while she slept.  Adrien could feel her slow, steady breaths against his chest.  He pulled her closer and rested his chin on the top of her head.  As much as he wanted to wake her up and declare his love, there was a part of him that never wanted this moment to end.  He was holding his entire world in his arms, and she trusted him enough to keep her safe while she slept.

When the bus pulled up to the hotel, Adrien gently shook Marinette until her eyes flicked open.  “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.  It’s time to get off the bus.”

“Ugh, no!” she protested, “I don’t want to move.  You’re warm and you smell good.”

He laughed and gave her a gentle squeeze.  “As much as I would love to stay here all day, we will get in trouble if we don’t follow the class.  I’ll let you keep wearing my hoodie if you let go.”

She crossed her arms and pouted.  “Fine!”

Marinette latched onto his arm as they exited the bus.  He grabbed their duffel bags, and they walked into the hotel together.

“You two look cozy,” Alya teased while running towards them, “Did something happen on the bus that I should know about?”

Marinette rolled her eyes.  “Come on, Alya.  Let’s go put our stuff in the room.  We only have a few minutes before we’re expected to meet back here in the lobby.”

Adrien handed the pink duffel bag to Marinette and slumped as she walked away with her best friend.  Because this was a class trip, there were non-stop activities on the itinerary.  He knew that there wouldn’t be another opportunity to talk to Marinette for the rest of the day.  

Nino clapped a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m guessing things didn’t go according to plan?”

“No,” Adrien grumbled, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Every single time I try to tell her how I feel, nothing comes out of my mouth.  It’s like someone hit the mute button on my vocal cords.”

“Bro, I have no idea what happened between you two, but you and Marinette have been acting so weird these past few weeks.  It’s like you switched personalities or something.”

“I’m hopeless, Nino!  Help me.”

“I don’t know if I can, my dude.  I think you just need to stop overthinking it and go with the flow.  Stop looking for the perfect moment to talk to her.  It’ll come when you least expect it.  Take Alya and I...we got locked in a cage together.  I definitely didn’t plan that, but it gave us time to talk.”

“Too bad there won’t be any time to talk to Marinette in the near future.”

“You never know.  Like I said...just go with the flow.”

Adrien trudged up to the hotel room and dumped his belongings onto his bed.  Nino ignored his dramatics and calmly led his distraught best friend back to the lobby to join the rest of the class.  

During the day, Adrien managed to perk up around Marinette, but he was still lamenting over his lost opportunity.  By the time the group returned to the hotel that evening, Adrien was mentally and physically drained.  All he could do was flop onto his bed and sigh.

“Bro, you do not look like someone who’s going with the flow,” Nino laughed.

“How am I supposed to follow your advice when I know that Marinette is two rooms down from me right now?” Adrien rolled onto his face and groaned into his pillow.

“You know that we don’t have to stay in our rooms until our eleven o’clock curfew, right?  It’s only eight.  Most of the class is hanging out in the lounge right now.”

“Marinette isn’t.  I watched her go straight to her room when we got back.  She was so tired this morning, and I want her to get enough rest tonight.  She really needs it.”

Nino shrugged.  “Well, Alya just texted me, and she wants me to join her down in the lounge.  Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

Adrien shook his head.  “No, I’m pretty wiped out, too.  I think I’m just going to turn in early.”

“Sounds good, dude.  I’ll do my best to not wake you up when I come back in later.”

“Thanks.  Have fun!”

Once he was alone, Adrien grabbed his toiletries out of his duffel bag and began to get ready for bed.  Plagg zipped into the bathroom and plopped down on the counter.

“What happened?” the tiny being said, crossing his arms.

Adrien frowned.  “My words stopped working again.  I don’t know what happened, Plagg.  I used to be able to tell Ladybug how I felt without a problem, and now I can barely hold myself together during a normal conversation with her.”

“Kid, you just need to do it.  Rip it off like a bandaid.  Watching you pine over her is absolute torture.  Things are supposed to get better after the reveal, not worse.”

“I thought I could do it, Plagg, but even when I have it all planned, I still can’t ask her out.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you didn’t think all of this through.  You missed something big today.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Plagg flew away chuckling.  “Oh, trust me...you’ll find out soon!”

Adrien huffed and started to aggressively brush his teeth.  He was not in the mood for a cryptic Kwami tonight.  He seriously doubted that Marinette had to deal with the same kind of nonsense from Tikki.

Once he finished his nightly routine, Adrien changed into his pajamas and turned on the television.  He flipped through the channels in an attempt to find something that would take his mind off of his misery.  After a few minutes, he settled on a movie and got comfortable under the covers on his bed.

Just as his brain began to settle, a series of rapid-fire texts came through on his phone.  With tired eyes, he tapped the screen and scrolled through the messages.  His heart thumped in his chest when he saw who sent them.

Marinette:  Are you still awake?

Marinette:  I need to talk to you.

Marinette:  It’s really important.

Adrien’s mind jumped to a thousand different conclusions at the same time.  As he racked his brain for the reasoning behind her frantic text messages, he recalled their conversation from earlier in the day.

“She probably had another bad dream,” he thought.

He took a deep breath before responding.

Adrien:  I’m awake.  Are you okay?

Marinette:  I don’t know.  Can I come over?

Adrien:  Sure.

Two minutes later, Adrien jumped out of bed as he heard three quick knocks at his door.  Even though he knew Marinette was on the other side, he was not prepared for what he saw.  Standing before him was timid looking Marinette with tears shimmering in her eyes.  Still wearing his hoodie, she played with the fabric at the lining of the front pocket.

She looked at him and bit her lip.  “I...I...there...I...can I some din?  I MEAN...can I come in and sit down?”

Adrien’s brows knitted together upon hearing her stammer come back.  His nervousness was quickly being replaced with concern.  He placed a gentle hand on her back, and guided her towards his bed.

“Bug, you’re scaring me.  What’s wrong?” he asked with worry lacing his voice.

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  Marinette then shook her head, reached into the hoodie’s front pocket, and pulled out the notecard that contained his declaration of love.

His mouth went dry as everything inside of his body froze.  “I can explain.”

Marinette held up a hand and shook her head.  She then proceeded to read the notecard out loud.

“My dearest, Marinette...I fell in love with you the day I met you.  I truly believed that my heart only had room for Ladybug.  Then, I became friends with my sweet, caring classmate who sat behind me, and slowly I found myself loving her, as well.  Falling for Ladybug was like being swept away by a crashing wave.  However, falling for Marinette was like following a stream in the woods, only to find out that it leads to a mighty river.  Both sensations are different, but they are equally as powerful.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that the two girls who took up all the space in my heart turned out to be the same person.  I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you this sooner, but my words have failed me over the past few weeks.  I love every part of you, Marinette.  You have my whole heart, and you always will.”

When she finished reading, the room grew quiet.  Adrien became very aware of how loud his breathing had become.

“D-did you mean it?” she asked, breaking the silence.

He nodded.  “Every word.”

“Is this what you were trying to tell me on the bus?”

“Yes.”

Marinette lunged towards him and pulled him into a tight hug.  She squeezed him and buried her face in his shirt.  Adrien soon found himself returning her embrace with equal vigor.

“I love you, too, kitty.  I’ve loved you since the day you gave me your umbrella,” she whispered into his chest.

He pulled back.  “But...that’s the same day I fell in love with you.”

“I could barely function around you for years.  Didn’t you ever wonder why?”

“You always denied liking me.  I thought you just wanted to be my friend.”

“No.  I’m just a spaz who couldn’t tell the boy she liked how she felt.”

“Well, I can’t really judge.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve barely been able to talk to you.  Every time I try to ask you out, my brain stops working.”

She covered her mouth with her hands.  “You want to ask me out?”

Realizing what he had just admitted, a fiery blush made its way up Adrien’s neck and onto his face.  “Umm...yes?”

“Oh, kitty…” she said breathlessly.

“Well, I guess there’s no going back now...Marinette, would you go on a date with me?”

She leaned in. ”Only if you’ll kiss me.”

Adrien felt his lips curl into a smirk. ”That can definitely be arranged, my lady.”

He closed the space between them and softly placed his lips on hers.  Their gentleness was soon washed away by desire.  Marinette eagerly deepened the kiss as her hands made their way to the back of Adrien’s head.  He could feel himself smiling under her lips, and this caused her to giggle and pull away. 

”Do you think we could do that again?” she asked playfully. 

Adrien rested his forehead on hers. ”Will you go out with me?”

”Yes, Chaton.”

”Then yes, we can do it again.  It's nice to know that I'll actually remember the kiss this time.”

”Shut up and kiss me.”

Eventually, the two found themselves curled up in each other’s arms.  No words were spoken as they reveled in each other's closeness.

It was at this moment that Adrien finally understood the deeper meaning behind his mother’s advice. Words were unnecessary when two hearts beat as one because all they truly needed was each other.

BONUS SCENE:

Alya worried about her best friend...constantly.  However, a few weeks ago when she watched Marinette ruffle Adrien’s hair, tap him on the nose, and talk to him in full sentences, Alya nearly combusted.

For nearly fourteen days, she grilled Marinette for answers and demanded to know if she was secretly dating Adrien.  In her mind, it was the only possibility that made logical sense...because no one could be Akumatized for two straight weeks...right?

Every single time Alya asked for details, Marinette would simply say, “Right now I’m just focusing on being a better friend to Adrien.”

It was like the girl had a total personality shift overnight.  It was incredibly frustrating to watch.

“Are you still thinking about Marinette?” Nino whispered into her ear as they sat alone on a couch in the hotel lounge.

“Yes,” she admitted, “I can’t help it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Adrien has been acting like a total weirdo, as well.  He’s in love with her, and he won’t tell her.  Nothing I say to him helps him get any closer to confessing his feelings.”

“Woah...wait...hold on.  Adrien has a crush on Marinette?  Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I thought it was obvious?”

“No, Nino...it was not obvious.  Are you telling me that our best friends are now in love with each other, and both of them are doing nothing about it?  I’ve come to expect this from Marinette, but Adrien...wow.”

Nino shrugged.  “I don’t know what to tell you, babe.  There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Alya grabbed his arm.  “Yes, there is.  We still have a whole hour before curfew.  We are going to shove them in the same room together and make them talk.  It worked for us, and it will work for them!”

Before Nino could respond, Alya dragged him out of the lounge and up the stairs.  She huffed when she opened the door and was greeted by an empty room.

“Where is that girl?” She was starting to get annoyed.

“Babe,” Nino called from down the hall, “you might want to come and check this out.”

Alya rushed down the hall and nearly screamed at the sight of their best friends fast asleep in each other's arms.

“I guess they didn’t need our help after all,” Nino chuckled.

“Finally,” Alya sighed, feeling the relief wash over her.

“You’re totally going to wake them up aren’t you?”

“Yup, and I’m going to film it too.”

Nino laughed.  “I’ll help as long as you send me the video when we’re done.”

Alya looked up at him and grinned mischievously.  “Deal.”

AO3

FanFiction

UPDATE- Part 2: When Words Succeed

---

Hello, lovely readers! Thank you for choosing to read "When Words Fail". This fluffy little one-shot has been rattling around my brain for the past few days, and I had to get it down.

I will update “More Than Just a Friend” soon...don’t worry!

My username on AO3 and FanFiction is clslovegood47.

---