#but i cant even find that out cause my doctor wont help me!!!

[quirkypossum]

okay fuck that i need to rant

i try so hard to fight with myself about feeling okay, but like the sicker i get, the worse i feel and the more awful a person i am. like yeah being sick doesnt make me unlovable, but the shit ass attitude it gives me sure does. no one wants to be around someone who is miserable and sick thats just how it goes. you dont seek out someone whos going to snap at you because theyve been overstimulated for 6 months, or someone who cant do everything that everyone else is doing at their age. like no one wants a friend or partner who is incurable and perpetually in the worst mood imaginable

[moodr1ng]

taking further weight/fatphobia/ed/general depression vents under readmore lol

cause like i cannot express how genuinely bad the fatphobia i have against myself is. like. when i picture myself in my head, in the future, i always imagine myself as skinny, bc ive lived my entire adult (and teen) life thinking of my body as a temporary impediment which ill eventually fix. early last year i thought i finally had and was so happy and then gained all the weight back. and idk what to do about it bc i have tried so so so hard to just 'accept being fat' and as i have said again i do not understand how that is possible in this society and i have never managed to get anywhere close to that and dont know how to.

and as a result of this i have considered like. every awful awful option out there for losing weight. like, i tried to get my doctor to prescribe me diet pills. i looked into ozempic and the only reason im NOT trying to illegally get some is that its for diabetic people and it harms them to take from the limited supply. i looked into various weight loss surgeries (be it bariatric surgery, which i cant get bc im not fat enough to qualify, or liposuccion but even if i could realistically afford it i hear it doesnt work in the long run). ive starved myself so much, tried so many diets, so many sports, never managed to stay on for long enough to maintain the results. no joke, i have considered developing a heroin or coke habit EXCLUSIVELY to lose weight, and the reason im not doing that is its too expensive. i complain about my adhd meds giving me food disgust but tbh every time it happens im also relieved bc it means i wont be able to eat for a few days. idk what to do anymore bc this is ruining my life and has been ruining my life for most of it.

i literally feel so worthless, ridiculous and unloveable specifically bc of my weight, and in particular the way its disposed on my body. i would be fine having fat arms, fat thighs, i would probably dig having a fat ass and chest and hips tbh! but i store all my fat on my belly and thats the one part i dont want to be fat, as well as my face and neck. this is such a massive block for me tbh. like, when i talk to new people i always feel like theyre looking down on me or find me pathetic because im fat (and bc im short which is my other major insecurity - i feel like being tall and fat is acceptable but not being short and fat). i dont take any compliments i get at face value bc i feel like everyone is just being nice by pretending like i could EVER be good looking. the only time ive ever felt attractive since i was a young teen was when i had lost the weight last year, and i couldnt maintain that bc it was so stringent.

sometimes when i think "i might be fat for the rest of my life and never manage to maintain being thin" i contemplate suicide over it. its like, the one thing about me i can never accept. i used to have so much internalized racism as a kid/young teen but i eventually got over that and came to appreciate my non-white features and even wish i had inherited more of my mothers looks (like her hair). i used to be so insecure about not being masculine enough but today im actually more into being kind of androgynous. i used to hate everything about myself and ive gotten much better about a lot of it. i dont hate my facial features or my hands or my legs or my arms anymore. i just hate my weight. and its the one thing i cant fucking get rid of.

and like, ive tried so hard to just.. look at other people ik with similar body types who i think are super attractive and think "if theyre attractive and they look like me, surely i could be too?" but it never works no matter what. and i mean, ik outside of like, societal fatphobia, a big part of it is my ed right. like obviously as long as i have an ed that is focused on wanting to lose weight im never gonna be able to accept being fat. but i cant get help for my ed bc there are no resources. and there are no medical professionals who will help me accept being fat bc theyre also fatphobic and they only want to help me lose weight, and they cant even manage to do that.

im just extremely tired of it all. every day i wish i was skinny. i can live w all the rest. i just need to be thin. i dont even need to be bone thin or whatever i just wanna be average. and its so fucking hard for so many reasons. i can almost never cook for myself bc of The Mental Shit. if i do cook for myself its rly hard to do anything complicated so its often not very balanced or healthy. and i rely so much on fast food, takeout and frozen meals bc of this inability to cook. and then theres the emotional shit - bc ever since i was little ive binged whenever i felt anything. bored? binge. angry? binge. sad? binge. happy? binge. theres no emotional state that doesnt wanna make me binge. and the only way i can stave it off is like.. either indulge in other vices (drugs alcohol etc) or just. dip into the restriction part of the ed and start starving myself again. and ofc once it becomes unbearable.. more binging. idk. idk. im at a loss. no one can help. and theres so many things piled on top of each other that make everything impossible.

im not even just talking about the weight - i mean everything in my life is like this carefully balanced tower of cards where each bad thing supports another bad thing supporting another bad thing until it builds into this massive self-sustaining network of dysfunction.

its like. i wake up in the morning (still tired from whatever the hell is wrong w my sleep, probably didnt sleep enough or too much, either way feeling bad). my room is a mess and theres fruit flies everywhere bc of the heat and i need to clean, but bc i woke up exhausted and feeling sick i have no energy to. i go get some water and theres a pile of dishes in the sink that are getting grosser and grosser but the idea of washing them is so daunting i cant bring myself to. i need to shower, but showering is such a hard task, and then if i shower i also need to brush my teeth and take care of my hair and thats so much energy. and if i do all that, well, i havent done the laundry in like 2 weeks so i have nothing clean to wear, so if im gonna shower i should do the laundry so i dont just get clean to put on dirty clothes right. and doing the laundry and hanging the stuff to dry is also such a hard task. and then if im clean and wearing clean clothes, am i just gonna get back in my dirty bed? i also need to change the bedsheets, and i hate doing that. and if im gonna change the sheets then i probably should fucking clean the bedroom, right. and i dont have the energy to do literally any of that. so im dirty, my room is dirty, my kitchen is dirty, i feel like shit, im tired, i havent eaten anything yet. maybe a decent meal would help. but a meal means cleaning some pot and pan to cook stuff in. and then it means cleaning it again after im done cooking, and also cleaning the dishes. and fucking hell i cant do that. so i think, maybe ill go to the convenience store and get a sandwich. but that means i need to get dressed and do my hair and i probably smell bed and i cant just go out like this and im SO TIRED. so i go to order takeout. and sure i could get something fresh and healthy like a poke bowl or something, but thatll cost me like 25 bucks, and i could just get a burger and fries for 10. so i get that. and i dont feel any better, because ive been eating carbs, sugar, and some shitty processed meat near-exclusively for the past several years. and im so tired and feel so awful and so guilty and so gross, so i just start smoking and drinking. maybe if im lucky ill do some art or whatever. and thats how my day goes and then ill go to sleep in my unchanged sheets unshowered laundry undone room dirty dishes piled up. have a bunch of nightmares wake up drenched in sweat etc. and do the same thing tomorrow.

and idk how to fix any of this bc its a cycle right. like where do i start? i feel like i cant do anything bc everything is SO heavy SO tiring SO daunting and im just so exhausted. i want to sleep for 10 years. i want to be happy again. but whenever im not happy i forget how it felt to be happy. so theres nothing to look forward to. and then i think about killing myself again. and thats just how it goes.

ig thats why im so so hopeful to actually get an at-home aid who can get me to do chores and get groceries and shit bc that might actually be the one thing that breaks the cycle, cause i definitely cant do it by myself.

[pcos-and-endo-awareness]

I think I might have endometriosis and I dont know what to do. Is it worth trying to get a diagnosis? Because I feel like they cant do anything about it either way. On one hand i feel like it would be a relief to hear that it isn't normal and that i am not weak just because I cant deal with some regular period cramps. I dont think its normal to throw up because of the pain and lay on the bathroom floor half passed out because of nausea and pain for hours in the middle of the night, but at the same time muy cramps only lasts for like a day or two so I feel like im just exaggerating. I want to be validated in a way but im nervous about it not actually being anything wrong if that makes sense.

Also i feel like the only thing doctors can do is prescribe birth control and I have been on one kind (one with only one of the ususal substances) and while it have lowered the pain to only very occasional tame cramps I dont really like it because of the spotting because it is so irregular that I have had to wear pads for like a year and i dont really trust that it works, i would like it to get rid of the whole problem and stop all pain. And the doctors wont put me on regular birth control because im fat so my bmi is too high which means a higher risk for blood clots. Is there anything else they can do? I know some people get hysterectomies but I dont want that now at least cause i think I might want to have kids in the future. Is there anything else they can do that makes it worth it to fight for a possible diagnosis since that may take years and be difficult or should i just cope with it since my symptoms isn't really that bad?

(Also i just ran out of birth control and haven't decided what to do so im really scared that my period will come back now and it will hurt)

First of all, I think you should find a new doctor. I am also “fat” and I NEVER had any doctor refuse to put me on regular birth control. BC has risks and it has pros and cons, as long as your doc is explaining all of that to you they should let YOU make that decision about your own body.

If you are in horrific pain it is not normal. If you are puking and passing out because of cramps that isn’t normal. You are not exaggerating or overreacting. You deserve to get treatment. You deserve to be in less pain. You deserve to have more convenience.

I urge you to try to get a new birth control (for example I’m on the depo shot, least amount of pain I have been in for years on this BC) and if your doc won’t do it find a different one who will. Remember doctors are there to listen to you and help you.

There are various home remedies to try for endo but there is no cure. Birth control will help. The only sure fire way to get rid of it is laparoscopic surgery, and this will only help for some time because the endometriosis will just grow back. (And how much it will help depends on the competence/experience of the surgeon doing it.) I believe I’ve read that even a full hysterectomy doesn’t cure endo.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you can get the care and treatment you need.

[festeringneondistraction]

I want to write poetry again but its just not happening!

Lately I've been so in my head. So many feelings and worries, its just real mental illness hours so in other words: I'm going through it. I've been journaling and posting and that's all fine and good but usually I can take those base thoughts and flesh them out into poetry! I'm very creatively frustrated right now because I have the urge to create but I just... cant. I try!! I definitely try and its not that I'm being a perfectionist about it at least not consciously. I firmly believe in making not-good art just for the sake of art. Bad art is amazing! But its just lots of stress intrusive thoughts then just TV static. The combination of extreme near constant anxiety, and brain fog.

Just to clarify somethings I'm at a very difficult season of my life right now for a lot of reason. I'm also a bit of an neurological alphabet soup (multiple diagnosis) so this is what I'm dealing with. Side note self-diagnosis is valid and you can kindly leave my blog if you think its not :). I'm just clarifying what doctors have told me and what else might be going on. Also I realize some of these are so co-morbid that its a bit redundant but I'm just listing it anyway.

CONFRIMED: Autism, depression, PTSD, ADHD, Social Anxiety/general anxiety, dyspraxia (also called developmental coordination disorder), dermatillomania, and a nice history of self-harm.

COMPLICATED: Chronic migraine (I do get migraines fairly consistently with aura I've had doctors acknowledge my migraines but no official diagnosis yet) mysophobia, ARFID (its extreme obvious for me that I have very real and severe food issues, I've just never talked to a doctor), dyslexia and dyscalculia. I was pretty much treated for both and struggled in those areas significantly. Just never put on paper to my knowledge.

SUSPECTED: OCD, maybe all of this is just CPTSD? who knows.

What im trying to say is there is a lot to unpack in my brain. For anyone who actually read this far thank you i love you id love to talk :)! But really who knows what's causing what sometimes. And when you struggle with brain fog and poor introspection??? What am I even supposed to do.

Id also like to mention im a daily weed smoker. I try not to smoke all day I try and wait till (weirdly enough) 4:20 is actually a great time of day to start lol. But seriously i at bare minimum wait till 420 I usually try to go a little longer.

Weed is one of the only thing that helps with the anxiety. As I am reading all this back and my landry list of diagnosis is right in front of me.... WOW im a high anxiety person. and there's shit I didn't even mention. It all really loops back to Autism and Anxiety. Its to the point where ill go to a friends house.. im feeling anxious but excited and I think im masking well. Then after like two minutes of talking to me my friend will almost always say "Shade you need more weed." Like damn is it that bad. People find it hard to talk to me sometimes because im so high anxiety these days. It used to be that I could talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable. I might be freaking out the whole time but It used to be that I was so good at masking my anxiety and autism people wouldn't notice.

Also hi! My name is Shade and yes its my actual legal name. This rant about poetry turned into like a mental illness recap and informal intro. If my blog gets even the tiniest bit of attention i'll do a proper more light hearted intro. Just really speaks to the ADHD I guess. I have so much more to say but if I let myself keep typing it will become a compulsion and I wont stop for hours so Im done now :)

[chuuyansfwvent]

I feel so tired of feeling this way. I dont want people to see how weak i am and then view me as weak. I dont want to burden people by being like this? Im trying to hide it as best as i can cause i dont know even how to confront it. I have no purpose in life really, my body is merely a vessel for the child i want to nurture and bring into this world one day. I take care of it so that i can be a father one day. I can be ugly and talentless and worthless but I can still be a father. I dont feel like a human being but I can protect my baby from the horrors ive lived that stole my own innocence. I want to be healthier physically so I can give birth to a healthy baby. My desire to be a parent overrides my thoughts of self harm and drug addiction. Ive been clean, im staying clean, and im recovering from my eating disorder as best as i can. Im eating every day and keeping it down every time now. Ive had brief thoughrs of like "yknow what if i just gave up and fucked off, bump a line and go stupid" but its immediately swatted away by "nah those days are over. I wanna get pregnant, have a quiet safe healthy lifestyle and set a good example for my future kid." And its gotten to the point where i take care of myself only because i see it as taking care of my future child. I treat my body like im preparing for it and everything. Im trying to put on weight so that my body can safely carry out a pregnancy. If it turns out that i physically cant have kids, idk what im gonna do. Im ready to move on to the next chapter in my life and start a family. I find a sense of healing in the fact that my baby wont have my wounds, that my baby is gonna get the love and compassion that i didnt, that despite what i went through im gonna be a good person for my baby to look up to and rely on. I have to be strong for my kid, one i havent had yet. It keeps me going. All of my passions? Id give them up in a heartbeat just to have a child. Hell, im choosing to put off any further transitioning specifically so i can have a child, i let like 200$ go to waste bc its non refundable, i wasnt sure if partner system ever wanted children with us. Im not going back on testosterone until ive had a baby. Im not gonna waste my money on myself, i want to buy things for my baby. I want to spend my days waking up to take care of my baby. I have ti eat, hydrate, keep up with my health to be able to have a child. And then i will have to keep doing it forever even after they are born, because i have to be healthy to be here for as long as possible to guide them through life.

So i stay clean, i stay safe, i eat, i keep it down, i dont even think about throwing up. I bought supplements, vitamins, gonna take care of these damn deficiencies, im gonna go to doctors finally, gonna quit nicotine, havent been drinking anymore, i dont even have the craving for alcohol. I have the craving for being a loving parent to my child. My sense of purpose, my future, it is for my baby. I will dedicate it to my baby. I am trying to hold on until i can have a child, and then i know i will be relieved to have finally achieved the first step in my purpose on this earth. I spent far too long beibg reckless and destroying myself for the sake of trying to escape, ive found a reason that requires i stay until my body dies of old age. Because i was raised by drug addicts, i was abused and felt abandoned. I will never, ever fucking be what my parents were to me towards my child. Never. I will never fucking touch drugs ever again. I will never even consider taking my own life and abandoning my baby on this earth. I am bringing a life into this world and i am not going to leave it to walk this earth without me if i can help it.

[my-evil-brain]

I am so tired of all this bullshit. I'm starting to feel like an old Russian dude or some fkin shit.

Im tired of arbitrary bullshit rules (because of a lie). Recycle, but 95% goes to landfill anyway. You cant do this or that because of one idiot in (place state or city here). Cant say or talk about shit because it "COULD" offend. I'm sorry if you're offended suck it the fuck up. It's not my lifes ambition or job to give a shit about EVERYONE'S feelings.

I'm tired of not being able to trust ANYONE in this fucking world. I can trust maaaybe 4 people, 2 absolutely. Everyone else can suck it. People ask me why, and i ask them stuff like, "vote for trump?" If the answer is yes, i can't trust you. January sixth? "Didn't happen", equals Surprise, i cant trust you. Flat eather, nope. Christian "in todays market" nope. Republican? Then fuck no i cant trust you. Doctors? I cant trust them to know how to do their jobs with what ive seen n heard. By this i mean literally dr. saying things like "dont know what it is, if you find out let me know". Pertaining to? It was a fucking podiatrist looking at toenail fungus. Then theres trust the vaccine commercials right aftet pharma lawsuit compensation commercials.

The worlds on fire. Nobody in power gives a shit about the environment, doesn't matter their words n proclamations mean shit compared to actions n actual words spoken in meetings n hot mics about how it doesn't matter cutting back wont help so keep going as is. Everybody hates everyone right now. These idiots around here actually side with Putin because "trump liked him." Siding with Hitler (yes, actual hitler appologists) because of what's happening with Israel right now, "maybe Hitler was right with the genocide n all that.

Everything is getting so arbitrarily compartmentalized to such an ineffective way. That nobody knows whose job it is to do what job, for who n when , in government offices and organizations.

Then the whole "women afraid to have a child" for fear of ANYTHING needing immediate attention because of the lack of dr.s an doctors afraid to treat women for fear of legal troubles if anything they do happens around the womans miscarriage or causes it. Women can't even save their own lives or go to a Dr. in some places because the doctors won't see the women without a husband/mans approval.

This world, these people, the willful ignorance, the hatred on women and foriegners, and anyone that happens to be different. The out right "fuck you" from corporations openly admittedly screwing over people n nobody cares to do shit about it. Congressman n women, believing their constitutes shouldn't get what they (as a body) ask for, because would you (paraphrase) "give a child cake for breakfast if they asked? Sometimes they don't know whats good for them n you gotta just say NO. You cant just GIVE them what they (collectively) want." Politicians and private citizens with so much fking money n public persona that they're untouchable with their crimes and offences. Lets be real, to many i know personally say Bill clinton should be locked up for that blow job. But trump paying off porn stars after they sucked him off n continuously lying about a defamation case a woman brought against him n she won on rape allegations, while making fun of her and keeping up his lies about her. Even after getting slammed again right after for claiming the same lies against the woman, Trumpers believe and republicans that THATS ALLLL OK but Clinton must suffer legally for a bj. Uuuuug

[cripple-woe]

#fighting internalised ableism lolz

I'm physically disabled and like . it's not visible . in daily life I dont use mobility aids (though I think something would help idk how to go about that) and when you look at me you cant really TELL I have a disability .. so I've been fighting imposter syndrome for a LONG time , every time I see someone who's also physically disabled I try to not have the instant reaction of "wow they are much more disabled than me should I even be allowed to call myself disabled" and that's like WRONG it's not a competition and physical disability is different for everyone . and I also try to fight for accommodation for me which is also difficult for reasons listed

other than rational thinking my major argument for me being really disabled is that I have legal disability, and the government WOULDNT decide that I am disabled just because so obviously I am disabled

BUT ! it's running out soon . the major cause for my disability isnt something that could fully be rehabilitated because we started EXTREMELY late (due to medical negligence from my old doctor to whom I dont go to anymore) and it was obvious so idk why they set it to a temporary disability but that's off topic . THE POINT IS ! do you have any advice on how I can continue my battle against internalised ableism 😊 just rational thinking wont cut it

Hi I dealt with this for a while until I became so crippled I had to call social services on myself so I have tips.

My go-to. Is just. “Is this normal?”

“Is it normal to have unending/reoccurring pain?” No!

“Is it normal to find it hard to wash your hair?” No!

“Is it normal to struggle to ___” No!

so, it’s not normal. What does that mean?

That means something is impeded. An ability is impeded, (ability to walk, speak, wash yourself, feed yourself)

What’s the opposite of abled?

Disabled.

If the government declared you as disabled, you’re DEFINITELY disabled, hell, sometimes other disabled people don’t get declared disabled (stupid government) so you’re DOUBLE definitely disabled!

Also, you should really call the appropriate people for that whole temporary issue. Sometimes things just aren’t filed correctly. My autism diagnosis appointment was filed as an ADHD diagnosis for some reason. One time I got filed as a Jedi in the census despite definitely not telling the census I’m a fucking Jedi? LMAO. Sometimes it just goes wrong, and it’s usually a pretty simple fix.

[kiteslover]

HxH Headcanons I Believe Very Strongly

Here’s another batch of my feral takes i hope you enjoy

* Killua has spent HOURS trying to figure out every single girly thing in the world just so he can take good care of Alluka. He’ll paint his nails with her and let her do makeup on his face just to make her happy (because killua is the best brother in the entire universe and nothing will ever come close to hi

* Killua also never sits properly in chairs. He’s always doin some weird ass contortionist stuff while he’s sitting and if anyone asks if that’s comfortable he’ll be like “what? Why would you even ask that”

* Illumi, despite being the emotionless stick that he is, has a really extensive hair cair routine. He was probably chilling with Hisoka and some point and noticed some bougie hair products on his bathroom counter. Needless to say Hisoka witnessed his fascination got him hooked shortly.

* Anytime Gon and Ging see Leorio after Gon’s decision to follow Ging, Leorio is the most passive aggressive mfer you’ve ever seen to Ging but he’s like over the top nice to Gon. He makes sure Ging recognizes this.

* “Gon!! I got you this PRESENT for your BIRTHDAY. I tried REALLY hard to make sure you’d actually LIKE it because I know EVERYTHING that you like!” *queue side eye to Ging to which Ging is staring off into space with his regular scowl*

* Ging definitely got Gon a pair of socks for his birthday that he couldn’t even wear bc they were too small for him. Gon was equally happy with both Leorio and Ging’s present. Nothing either of them do will make Gon love them more or less

* Kurapika has really, Really nice handwriting. I would like to think he enjoys writing letters from time to time (definitely not just for a chance to show off his handwriting)

* On the other hand, Leorio writes literal chicken scratch. He’s working to be a doctor okay he can’t afford to have nice handwriting as long as he understands it it’s fine

* Morel has a really bad tan line under those sunglasses.

* Speaking of which, knov gets the most GOD awful sunburns in the history of sunburns ever. I mean have you seen this man he pasty as heel

* Hisoka goes to the nail salon regularly and always gets compliments on how long and sharp his nails are.

* Alluka seems like a littlest pet shop girl idk i just wont be taking criticism on this

* She definitely begs Killua to use his hunter license to find the rare ones, he complies per usual

* Knuckle takes very good care of his appearance/hygiene (if you couldn’t already tell from his stupid pompadour) and definitely wears cologne. thankfully, it’s not too strong cause He’s not one of those axe body spray people

* You know who IS an axe body spray person? Ging

* Ging probably doesn’t even bother with axe body spray either

* That man smells rank i stg

—

Okay thats it for these I’m sorry for my incessant Ging slander in all my Headcanons but i just cant help myself🤭🤭🤭

let me know if you want any other characters!

Other headcanons from me:

https://kiteslover.tumblr.com/post/690241672501706753/hxh-headcanons-i-believe-very-strongly-sfw

[soft-boi-eli]

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgery. (Part 1)

Tw:swearing, pain pills, some hints to vomiting, fluff as well.

Wilbur

This simp...

Makes sure you regularly drain your drains, take your medication.

You dont even have to get the fuck up, I mean he's your personal butler until the doctor gave you the okay.

Three times a day you get a smoothie. He can tell that you dont want to eat because of the pain.

The least you can do is drink something to nurioush you while you were in pain.

If you're embarrassed about having to sleep on some dog pee pads for the drain. Dont be.

Wilbur may not understand but he will constantly comfort you. He'll even make a video to tell his viewers he won't be posting for a moment. A personal issues came up and that is all they know for now.

Also when cold he'll try to keep you warm by very, very gentle cuddles. But any sign of pain and he's off of you and getting you warm blankets and heating packs.

His sweaters? Now all yours. You have no say. He will give you one every day knowing you find alot of comfort in wearing his clothes.

The last thing he wants is you in pain. Especially if it was caused by him.

Your testosterone shot? Dont worry he's got it for you.

He doesn't want you to get up unless you needed to go to the restroom or you were itching to get up.

If you dont take it slow he will threaten you.

This is a threat. He will make you sit back down if you tried to get up and clean.

All in all he is a simp and your butler.

Technoblade

Technoblade may not know what to do but he will try.

He's quite nervous but when he realized you havent eaten and needed something in your system for your pain meds hell make you something soft and light on the stomach.

Are you cold? He'll cover you in a blanket and just sit next to you. Floof senses you in pain and cuddles you more then technoblade.

Techno was a bit butt hurt but knew that you needed alot of support right now.

With his height his clothes are either tight or loose. But his hoodies are always huge. And very fucking comfortable.

His scent relaxed you and helped you sleep at night.

He is a hidden simp.

He will make sure you're comfortable. If you want him to he'll sleep with you in the living room.

When you start walking him and Floof are constantly following you. Just to make sure you are safe and comfortable.

You cant help but love your two boys.

His streams and videos are already inconsistent but he did say his next video or stream might take a longer time.

But if you dont mind then you'll sit near him while he streams. If you needed anything he'll get it.

You saying hi to chat. They know you're in pain by your tone.

And anyone he's in a call with will ask what's up. And when you tell them they'll understand and they'll hype you up.

It warms techno's heart when his friends hype you up.

God this closeted simp is melting internally.

Schlatt

He will tease you.

Pictures are taken and spread around the internet like a wild fire.

Caption to those pictures?

This dumbass just got out of surgery and didnt expect to feel like trash lol.

But off camera he's quite the nice guy. Reminding you to drink your water, getting you soft foods or soups, heck he give you some of his pushies from his youtooz.

And this behemoth of a man will give you his shirt or hoodies.

You are with him when he streams or records.

There is no say.

He wants to keep his eyes on you and make sure you are comfortable and safe.

Lowkey dragged you bed into his recording room, you were just vibing in the corner.

You meds are on a set schedule. If the time lands when he's on stream he doesn't think. Just gets up grabs your meds and a premade smoothie.

With that he gave them to you.

Watching you swallow that pill because you can be stubborn with pain meds.

Returns to the stream.

Yells at chat for calling him a simp. He told them you were in pain and it's the least he can do for you.

Will low key rub your back off stream. As sleeping while sitting up us hell on your shoulders.

Jambo is all over you, soaking up the attention he can get while you were immobile.

Schlatt would glare st him for taking away his S/O.

When it came to you wanting to walk he will let you.

If you hurt then this man would laugh and tell you to sit your ass down. You are going anywhere just yet.

He's gonna carry you when you are in as much pain.

He's tall and there is no stopping him.

It makes him feel a bit happier due to the fact you aren't hurting as much, and still getting to the place you needed.

Also he will hug you if he sees you are uncomfortable. The hug is very soft and unlike him.

But at least he is trying.

He also keeps his yelling down, doesn't want you to make too many stiff movements. It would hurt the hell out of you.

Tommy

Ok. Hear me out, butler.

He see the pain you are in and as one of his best friends he wont let you do anything.

Your parents were out of town after your surgery and it wasn't their fault their work called in suddenly.

So you were sent over to Tommy's for the three weeks they were out.

Tommy would let you relax on his bed, heck even sleep on it as well.

Doesn't care if your drains stain the bed. That's an easy clean up and he wants you to be comfortable.

He does still stream. Because it's something he does for a living.

But he'll try to keep it a bit quieter.

You once walked out of the room when he was streaming. You looked like a gremlin, hunched over while you had to take a piss.

When you entered you were greeted by wilbur, techno, and phil telling you they hope you heal fast.

"It only gets better from now on (y/n). Take it easy alright?"-wilbur

"Congrats mate, just relax and dont forget to focus on healing."-Phil

"Yo you got the surgery. Pog. Stay healthy (y/n)."-techno

You melted lightly. A small smile graced your face.

It brought you joy and there was nothing that could compare to it. Honestly.

It seemed almost every day someone tommy knew was hopi g a speedy recovery.

He once yelled at chat for saying you should suck it up.

"CHAT THEY JUST WENT THROUGH SURGRY. LEAVE THEM ALONE!"

You forgot that your parents were even out for those weeks.

Tommy would definitely understand slightly that it would hurt to constrict your chest.

"You cold?"

When you nod tommy is up and handing you one of his hoodies. They are big and comfy. Easy to put on too. So they are perfect.

His two dogs, Walter and Betty?

Expect them in his room curled around you. Dogs know when humans feel pain and when they need something to comfort them.

The stream kind of enjoyed that.

They got wholesome content from you and dog content.

Win win.

Tommy will make sure you have your meds.

If it lands during a stream he blacks out the camera and carefully gets you the things needed for it.

Get you a best friend like tommy.

They wont let you do much when in pain.

Tubbo

He doesn't fully know what to do. He went and spent a few nights over at your house.

Your parents asked his parents for help so they sent over tubbo.

They made a list but the poor boy couldnt read it.

"A sm-oosthie with their pain pill... what the hell is a sm-oosthie?!"

It took him calling tommy to ask him to tell him.

"Tubbo. It says smoothie and who is this fo-."

He hung up before tommy could finish and made the smoothie.

Your cat was quite cuddly.

When he walked in your cat was on your lap.

"Tubbo? When did you get here?" Oh yeah it was a surprise.

"Not too long ago. Your parents left and asked me to help."

He was doing it in all good.

But he scared you so badly.

He bought you a stuffed animal...

It was a huge minecraft bee. And by huge I mean huge.

Like here's the stuffed animal.

Ignore the child. I wished there was a better picture.

But yeah you get the point.

Tubbo may not know how to help you fully but he's trying.

Tommy came to visit with wilbur and phil.

Tommy was meeting up with them and you lived close to wilbur.

When they saw you laid up in bed, tubbo trying to find out how to help with your medication phil kinda went father mode.

You got homemade soup to take your meds.

Tubbo was quite happy to see you smiling and lightly laughing.

When they left you felt better.

Tubbo may not know how to do alot but he tried his best. And you loved every moment.

You got you best friend to help you. And nothing was better then that.

Ranboo

Ranboo spent the night and all you guys could do was joke about the pain.

The jokes were quite self deprecating too.

All night you guys were up.

You couldn't sleep because of the pain and he didnt want to sleep due to the fact he didnt want you to be alone.

So you two were sleep deprived and your parents were concerned. But understood you two didnt want the other to feel bad.

After you healed a bit your parents got called into work. Leading to you spending a few days over there.

Ranboo streamed a recorded with you in the back ground.

He forgot you were there once and he turned on face cam. There you were in the background nose deep into a book while wearing one of his hoodies.

You were freezing and your shirts were a bit too tight.

He just gave you one of his and that was that.

"Whis in the background?"-dono

"In the background?" He turned around to see you just reading your book.

"Oh. That's one of my friends. They had a surgery a week ago."-ranboo

He turned to you, "(y/n) say hi to stream."

Looking up you waved.

"My gay mind went brrr at the idea of no sacks of fat. Now body do the big pain."-(y/n) 2021

It brought a laugh to ranboo and his chat.

You joked through the pain. It was funny.

Dream

What is this I see? He's a simp indeed.

Low key he's answering your beck and call.

He's smothering you in love.

It may not be physical affection but it is still affection.

Your hoodies are replaced with his.

They are huge and comfy.

He saw something online that reminded him of you.

He said it was cute and decided you needed it.

You loved it. It helped you sleep.

Since sapnap lives with him he sends in sapnap sometimes because he's recording or has to get something that wasn't in the house.

Also when you found the zipper you unzipped it and found dream stashed some gift cards and little trinkets in it. Along with a note.

'Knew you would of found this.'-Clay

It shocked you kind of.

But you loved it. It was quite comforting that he gave his affection in these ways still.

Even if it wasn't physically.

Patches is on you 24/7.

She's cuddling you and being very gentle on you.

Low key she won't leave you though, she's following you everywhere, on your lap, sitting there when your on the toilet.

She's clingy. More clingy then before.

But it warmed your heart.

If george visits then he'll see a little gremlin making a b line to the bathroom.

All because the pain made your stomach feel upset.

And you hadn't eaten anything because of pain.

Dream is quick to rush in and see what's wrong.

You were sitting on the ground in the bathroom. Needless to say it didnt end well and you hated it.

"Baby. Do you want me to get you a smoothie and your pain meds?" You were grateful.

After leaving the bathroom you lightly hunched over you noticed the British man in your living room.

You watched his videos.

You waved lightly with a smile.

"Oh sorry (y/n) I didnt tell you george was coming did i?"

Your look told it all.

"Sorry you have to see me like this." You had the urge to apologize.

"No dont be sorry. Surgery is painful."-george

With a small nod you went back to your room and relaxed.

George

He didnt know what to do at all.

He answered your requests.

But he didnt know why you needed that thick ass blanket in the middle of the summer.

But now you have it.

Your stuffed animal that was left in the living room?

It's in your arms by your side.

He's sad it wasn't him in your arms but understood it would cause you pain.

He just lightly lays in your lap.

It brought you comfort and him comfort.

Your germilin ass tended you get up and walk at the weirdest time too.

3am?

Your are going to get a snack.

5am?

You are on your way to the toilet.

7am?

Your once more in the kitchen getting something to eat with your pain pill.

George slept through it and was confused when you weren't in bed like the doctors told you to.

He's quite meticulous with your meds and eating habits.

He doesn't push but makes sure you have something with that pill.

Hell try to help you with your bandages. But sometimes got queasy at the blood and stuff.

It was okay with you though.

You didnt mind that due to the fact that you too got queasy as well.

I think you guys sleep through this alot.

Wilbur and tommy visited.

You was shocked and confused when they had a few get well soon gifts.

Tommy got you a small fidget toy, just something to do with your hands sometimes.

Wilbur got you a few books and a small stuffed toy.

It was a orca.

You loved it but still loved the one that george got you.

He got you a little wooloo one.

It was something that was soft and easy to cuddle.

But the books wilbur gave you were amazing.

It gave you something to do for a long while. And it gave george some more cuddle time.

Other than not knowing what to do george was a great source of comfort.

Sapnap

Sapnap is a bit more experienced with it.

Kind of knowing what to do and all together he just know more then most people.

There is a regular schedule for you meds and so called meals, he changes out the dog pads if he notices them dirty. He knows how to maneuver himself next to you so there was no pain.

He also sucked up that he would be overwhelmingly hot and sat next to you under the blanket.You weren't nearly as cold because of that.

Also since sapnap lives with dream I imagine that dream pops in some times and so does patches.

You all were probably best friends as children. And people always thought that you and dream would get together.

Only because you two were more touchy.

But you saw him as an older brother, and took a liking to sapnap.

Dream was really suportive and saw you as a little sibling.

Dream probably saw you not doing to well and made you something to eat and brought your pain medication.

That was because sapnap was sleeping next to you.

Patches curled up between to two of you and dream brought in something you hadnt seen before.

A roll away bed.

This mother fucker got a whole new bed just so he could sleep in the same room as you and sapnap.

"Sapnap is a heavy sleeper. What if you need something?" He was correct.

You woke up to pain and discomfort.

Dream woke up but sapnap didnt.

You were mainly cold though...

How the hell were you cold with this man radiating radiation the heat of a thousand suns?

No clue. But probably the anesthesia since you were in sapnap room dream just opened the closet and tossed his hoodie to your lap.

You woke up sapnap when you put on the hoodie on accident.

He pushed up against your shoulder a bit more and draped his arm over your lap.

"What's wrong?" Sapnap mumble made you stiffen up. Dream seemed to fall back to sleep too.

"Just a bit cold." He lightly nodded into your neck.

"Mmmmmm. How though."-sapnap

"I dont fuckin know."-(y/n)

He let out a sleep chuckle and seemed to fall asleep again.

You just sat there. Patches and sapnap on you lap technically.

Sapnap woke up and made you breakfast at some point. You were in and out of it due to barely any sleep.

Dream woke up as well. You didnt even know when they left. But patches stayed with you.

Those weeks you were treated the best with these two with extra cuddles from patches.

I didnt know there was a max amount of paragraphs. But hey I guess it's something you find out sooner or later. So there is going to be a part 2. Including some character I missed.

[growing-up-poor-culture]

Really sorry for the inactivity but I've been dealing with paperwork regarding our benefits the last 3 months.

Vent ahead: tw suicidal ideation, tw cussing, tw trauma(??)

The problems started EVEN before i finished my finals and cuz my parents aren't knowledgable in the language of the country we reside in, I've been dealing with the paperwork from ABROAD, during my FINALS, while going throu a depressive episode and horrible executive dysfunctioning + not taking care of my health and when i finished my exams and returned back home I STILL had to deal with these paperworks. And they even asked for more paperwork and temporarily shut out benefits funding.

Being fucking poor isn't just a state it's your health, physically and mentally and it's so exhausting having to prove you are broke as fuck and need help to survive.

The benefits we get are also literally called MINIMUM WAGE and we are a family of 6 members.

My dad has a minor permanent disability, resulting in him not being able to work at all. Even walking for a bit can cause his back to hurt and then he needs to rest for awhile

My mom has been job hunting but they refuse her jobs due to her garments (they do not state it as it is unlawful but they find any random excuses to say no, or even flat out say they dont need workers when the work office itself sent her there)

My older brother is a university student and is awaiting his renewed ID and is not allowed to work without it, so even if he wanted to get a job he cant

Im also a university student and Ive applied for jobs but im also undiagnosed chronically ill, been so since I was a young child. I have a problem with my muscles/lower leg bones which the doctors still dont know the caus off

The money we receive barely covers our living cost. We never buy clothes , we go to different places that hand out food for help, I'm living at my uni dorms for free and not paying anything at all. thats the only reason my parents are able to send 2 of their children to study ouf the country

Like the only reason Im able to get my education is cuz i dont live in USA (thank god) and therefore public universities are for free.

They can't expect us to drop out of school and work to support our family (especially considering how slow they are at giving us our renewed IDs) .

Studying is the long time investment so we can work in the future and support ourselves

The whole reason i created this account is cuz growing up poor fucking sucked and what sucked even more is being treated as a menance, as if we enjoy living like this

And what's worse is that im slowly losing hope of ever being able to be financially independent and truly thrive.

I losta big portion of my chilhood and adolescence to being poor as heck. I developed fear of buying stuff that even now, that our situation has improved cuz we've been receiving help , i still do not buy necessery food items. I've grown so tired of the situation that I'm even having suicidal ideation. Had my parents not needed me to help them throu this idk what i would have done to myself

And what's even more frustrating is that I can't explain or vent to anyone else about this cuz the situation is so complicated and most ppl wont understand that this is our livelihood and that losing it means we could lose our permit of stay in this country and be kicked out even tho ive grown in this country since i was 8 years old

I apologize for the rant

But if this aint growing up poor culture then what is it?✌✌

[pinkfruitgender]

ive seen a lot of posts on my dash lately about questioning physical disability, and i wanted to talk about my experiences with it.

my brain tumour has caused me a variety of physical symptoms for my entire life. im legally blind, i often cant keep my balance while standing, i suffer from intense, debilitating migraines every single day, im constantly fatigued and dehydrated - thats just a fraction of the physical symptoms that come with my condition. ive had my tumour for my entire life and i still have it.

ive heard people say that the base pain level for able-bodied people is 0, and i dont think thats correct. its normal for someone to have pain even if they arent disabled. if you sleep on a crummy bed, youre going to have a sore back. if you dont drink enough water, youre going to have headaches. there are a lot of ways that an able-bodied person can be in pain. thats why its important to review your symptoms and look for any possible explanation for them that isnt disability. when youve done that and it still doesnt make sense, or if something about your body is just feeling/acting seriously wrong, thats when its time to look into diagnosis.

i dont live in america, so my advice wont be as helpful to those without free healthcare, but my advice is this: see a doctor. see as many doctors as it takes for you to get help. if the first seven doctors cant help you, go to an eighth. if your doctor gives you treatment that isnt working, talk to them. there are doctors that care about you and care about helping you, and finding them is incredibly valuable.

when my symptoms were dismissed, i went to a doctor that cared about me. she sent me for scans. she did blood tests. she found out what was causing my suffering and she referred me to people who could help. you need to find a doctor who can do that for you. i know it can be intimidating to go to a doctor about a problem that you dont fully understand - i thought i might have just been imagining things right up until they told me i had a brain tumour. but you need to do it, because when you get that help, it changes your life. its freeing. i can do so many things now that i thought i would never be able to do before i found doctors who could treat me with care.

take care of your body. nobody knows your symptoms better than you, but there are plenty of people who know how to treat your symptoms better than you could know and better than you could do. you just need to find them.

if anyone has any questions about this, let me know. disability is something im very passionate about and i love to help.

[fairycosmos]

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Is It To Late To Apologize II

Gif credit @marcusfeniix

Requested on wattpad

Hope you all enjoy

Tag list @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

"Y/N, you aren't looking so well. Maybe you should go home". Your friend and coworker noticed how tired and sickly you were looking. You were sluggish and you were going to the bathroom nonstop since you got to work throwing up.

"I'm fine. Just need to get a glass of water and some crackers to settle my stomach". Brushing her off you started to the water fountain to get you water but on the way there, you started stumbling and your head was spinning. Nausea took over and you threw up right there on the carpet.

She came up behind you and helped you sit on the floor. "I'm calling a ambulance. You are not fine. Something is wrong". She pulled out her phone, you wanted to protest but you didnt have the energy too so you let her make the call.

"You're severely dehydrated". One of the paramedics said taking your blood pressure.

"That's from all the throwing up shes doing". Your coworker piped in.

"I'm fine. Please dont make a fuss".

"I think you should see a doctor. There could be something wrong causing this. It's not something to play with". The paramedic warned.

"Alright. I'll make an appointment with my doctor for today. But I'm sure everything is fine".

You ate your words as soon as you got the results.

"I'm pregnant? Are you sure"? Your shocked expression made the doctor chuckle.

"I'm 100% sure. You're about 8 weeks. So this wasn't planned"?

"No not at all. I didn't think I could get pregnant. I thought he was shooting blanks since he only had one kid of his own. I'm kinda freaking out here doc". The panic was growing aggressively inside you. The sweat was dipping from your forehead. Heart beat was racing and you felt dizzy.

"Oh god". You fell back onto the bed with a thump.

"Everythings going to be alright. Most first time moms have anxiety when they first learn they're pregnant. Do you want me to call the father"?

"Please do. I cant tell him alone. He's going to freak". You sat there trying to normalize your breathing as the doctor went to make the call.

How could this have happened? You were always careful. Hank always used protection. Maybe the condom broke or your birth control was not working. There was so many possibilities.

"He'll be here any second". The doctor said as she came back in.

"Did he sound mad or worried"?

"Sounded a little worried but that was probably because I said the doctors office. So he may think something is wrong".

"Oh gosh, what am I supposed to say"?

"Just stay calm and it'll come to you". She wasn't very helpful, you thought.

About 10 minutes later, Hank arrived. He was worried sick, thought something bad happened.

"Are you okay? What did the doctor say"? He asked as he held your hand.

"Well, I got sick at work then I almost passed out. I'm extremely dehydrate from throwing up. But there's a really good reason for all of this". You took a deep breath in and handed Hank the sonogram from the doctor.

"Is this what I think it is? I mean it's been a long time since I've seen one of these". He nervously chuckled.

"I'm pregnant, Hank. 8 weeks". Biting your lip waiting for his reaction.

"I'm happy if that's what you're worried about. I just can't believe after all this time I can still make a kid". He laughed, quickly wiping a tear away from his eye.

"It's a second chance to do things right this time. Our child wont turn out like how Justin did". Hank promised.

"Justin, didnt turn out that bad. He just got himself mixed up with the wrong people and you did try and fix that. But he wasn't strong enough to stay away from them. It's not your fault". You squeezed his hand and rubbed the back if it with your thumb.

"I know. I'm excited, a little scared but we can do this". Hank smiled as he looked up at you.

"The Hank Voight, scared? Shocked. He can take on anything". You giggled when Hank playfully nudged your shoulder.

"With you, most definitely". Hank snuggled into the crease of your neck.

"Congratulations". The doctor sat quietly in the corner until you were done talking.

"Thank you". You replied, getting your things.  Hank and you were heading home to celebrate this amazing moment.

On the way home Hank and you talked about baby names and nursery ideas. All this coming from a man that wears a bland shirt and jeans to work everyday. He wanted something colorful and bright. It was surprising.

"We'll clean up the spare room, get it all done before we find out the gender. Then we can go shopping, your favorite thing". Hank told you as you walked past the spare room and into your room.

"Sounds great. But what even sounds more great is that you get that cute butt over here and kiss me". You giggled as you threw your jacket to the chair sitting in the corner.

"These are hormones, right"?

"Oh shut up. Can't I give my man some love and show him just how much I appreciate him"? You asked, walking closer to him.

"Of course. I wont ever turn down some loving". He teased, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your lips attached to his and you both fell on the bed. Hanks hands roamed your body, cupping your breast and rubbing over you little baby bump.

Hank was extra careful with you that night. He made sweet and passionate love to you like never before. This was a new start for both of you and you couldnt wait to get it started.

[socialistsooner420]

lately i been seeing a lot of misinformation goin around regarding opositions to marijuana legislation as well as misconceptions of cancer that are just boiling my blood.

i think as both a cancer patient and as a marijuana consumer the most irritating arguments against weed are "THEY DONT REALLY CURE CANCER YA KNOW???"

yeah, i do know. if that were the case i wouldn't have cancer in the first place. but do you know what marijuana DOES do for us cancer patients? heres a little bit of perspective of what we have to struggle with

having cancer is not just "you have [x amount of time] left to live". thats only in the movies, its never as cut and dry as that. the sad truth is there's a LOT of uncertainty in the entire process, from discovering somethings wrong/finding the tumor, having the courage to go to the doctor and explain everything to them, having to endure many invasive, PAINFUL tests, waiting for the results (took 2 weeks to get mine back), then you have to figure out how tell your loved ones. Ya know what helped ease my panic during all that overwhelming shit? marijuana

fun fact: a lotta people leave when ya tell em ya got cancer! its an extremely depressing reality we have to face. a lot of people compare drug additcs to cancer patients, the joke usually being "you can yell at a person who got addicted to drugs, they chose that! but you cant make fun of a cancer patient, because they didnt!" well, unfortunately, people can and do "make fun" (more like bullying....) of us. people DO scream at us. for example: when i told my mom my diagnosis, she screamed at me, as if i chose to have cancer. she asked me "how could i do this to HER?". So not only is cancer a grueling painful process, its also stressful, confusing, heartbreaking, uncertain, overwhelming, and fucking DEPRESSING. Marijuana helps me get my mind off of all that. Instead of the constant thoughts such as "when will this cancer finally kill me so i can stop being such a huge burden on my family?" i can give my mind a rest and think happy thoughts instead.

a lot of cancers cause supressed appetites. thats why a lot of us are extremely underweight and gaunty. marijuana helps us regain our appetites and not have to starve and waste away! it also helps keep us at a consistent weight, another really dangerous problem for us.

In addition to having difficulty putting food down, its also hard for us to keep our food down. our supressed appetites come with the extra pain of extreme nausea and vomiting, which oh hey! personal experience i had today; i violently threw up 8 times in a row after only eating a bag of chips (supressed appetites make it VERY hard to eat actual meals), and i thought i was going to drown in my own vomit because i couldn't stop and breathe. i didnt smoke first 🤔 but i drank plenty o water and smoked some marijuana afterwards, and wouldnt ya know, no more nausea, and i was able to keep my next snack down.

cancerous tumors often become inflamed, randomly and for indefinite amounts of time. i cannot even begin to explain the unbearable pain it causes. it feels like there's a giant ball of itchy fire inside your body. Marijuana helps the inflammation go down and relaxes the body.

in addition to inflammations, tumors are just naturally painful. its a mass growing exponentially inside your body, compressing your internal organs, LITERALLY STRETCHING YOUR SKIN, and literally an extra weight to carry around. You know what can safely help take that pain away, without all the shitty side effects for pain medications such as oxys/percs (which is what they had me on before Oklahoma passed Medical Marijuana legislation)? Marijuana. Marijuana helped the pain better than oxy or percs, and Marijuana certainly didnt force me to become bedridden and sleep 20 hrs a day like oxys/percs did

Speaking of sleep, trying to sleep with cancer is also difficult. the pressure of anything even remotely close to your tumor area. I had a massive tumor in my breast that was almost 5 POUNDS, and even my shirt touching it hurt. imagine sleeping with a bowling ball extremely poorly ducktaped tightly to your chest. Thats what I had to do. you know what helped me sleep though?

you guessed it!

Medical Marijuana

there's so many more benefits that it has for different cancer types, as well as other ailments, but i wont go further because that would take forever to list. my point here though is that no medical marijuana advocate is saying its the end all cure all, just that there are many people that it could help who we're denying in favor of big pharmas opiod crisis.

its just plain ignorant and legitimately harmful to the people marijuana could benefit to deny that it helps sick people, especially cancer patients.

im so sick of hearing shit like "well pot ruined my sons life, now he's unemployed and plays video games all day" like bitch do you think i fucking care??

marijuana literally SAVED and continue to save my god damn life every day. its not pots fault you raised a shitty son with no rules or boundaries, i also know plenty of recreational smokers who hold down jobs and are well off, so its not weeds fault yr sons a loser.

im just glad oklahoma has pretty much the most liberal weed laws in the US. sq788 passed right after my surgery and i was so happy that finally i could legally and SAFELY get the medication that i had to do illegally for so long.

im ending my rant with this screencap of my favorite arch of archer when he had breast cancer which obviously hit close to home with me.

me too, archer, me too.

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Do you have one with crippling depression yet? Like they stop eating, stop moving, always nearing tears but bottles them up, becomes emotionally numb, not really finding the joy in life in anyway? There’s nothing physical that caused it, it’s just isolation, loneliness, or guilty memories catching up with you. I’m uh, not doing so good right now and your writing is a really good pick-me-up. Can you write it? Please? It’s fine if it’s too triggering, I can understand. Have a good day, or night.

My inbox is always open my dude, and im more than thankfull for your words

(this will be about a merc and a S/O, hmu if you meant about team dynamics)

You are poetry, 

stay safe & hydratated

tw: depression

Scout: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ not the most emotional mature of the mercs; even himself admits that he is pretty immature even for his age (early 20s), but this doesn’t means he doesn’t have empathy or that he doesn’t care about his S/O. He sees you suffering and he is big time worried. He tries to motivate you, drag you out of your bed and do something fun or at least go and buy some food. He will get annoying but he can’t just sit there and watch you rot. He is a hands-on guy, he might not understand why you are acting up like this, but at the same time he doesnt know how he can approach you. He will try to hug you tighter and bring you food and water, his shoulders can be a pillow for you to cry all day and night long and his hands are there to wipe off the tears from your face. He hates seeing his bby sad and would give half his Tom Jones memorabilia for you to wake up one day and be your old, happier self ♥

Soldier: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ although his social skills are in scarcity, he isnt a traitor. He sees his S/O down ( mentally) and it pains him to an unimaginable extent  to see you so unmotivated . He doesn't understand why are you sad, what has happened? Did that crazy Kraut touched you? who he needs to snap the neck? He hates seeing you like this. Will be stubborn, just because he doesnt understand something it doesnt mean he can't find a way around. In the end, he will push you enough to actually break down and explain everything that has happened. For the first time in years hes just silent, he broke the dam and he is beyond ashamed of making you break down like this. He doesn't what to do so for now he will hold you as tight as he can and promise in America and whatever is holy and pure in him that he will help you untill you are again okay. ♥

Pyro: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ they know that you are sadder than before and they can see you points of view. They themselves know that life sometimes just sucks and that its okay not to want to eat or leave your bed. But they are also afraid that whatever is plaguing you it will become worse and worse and they really don’t want to see you hurting yourself like they once did. They try helping you do simple things, drink a glass of water, play a bit with their stuffed animals, theyll help you brush your hair or wash your face. They know they baby you, but they think you need a bit more of some more smootches or cuddles. If they see you worsening or being even less active they will drag you their pillowfort and just try to keep you as close them while chanting sweet nothings and sad mumbles, please don’t loose yourself like they did. ♥

Engie: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ he might be a cruel, cold man when hes on the field, but in reallity he is the cinnamon roll meme( he is a cinnamon roll and he might kill you tho but he is mostly a cinammon roll). He knows also that work and his projects take a really big amount of his time so he already feels very guilty. I doubt he has any humanitarian doctorates, but he has an above average understanding of human psychology; whats the point of trying  to emulate life when you cant understand it?He knows he can't address it straightforward, but he needs to get you over this slump before you do something really stupid. Que him cleaning up his workshop and carrying you there bridal style. He has a small nest of pillows and blankets and right next to it his trusted guitar.You have the whole night and the day after to spend it together and get in the bottom of the barrel. Itll be hectic but he is a very patient man and loves ya to bits ♥

Demo: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ lowkey one of the mercs with the most expierence with depression/ depressive episodes. For once in his life he doesnt drink and tries to find the rute of the problem, if there is of course or its just pent up anger and frustation with things that have happened in your life now or in the present. In simple, you will talk. For hours if needed. He wont drink a sip becausehe doesnt want to forget even the stupidest detail from your venting. In the end, he will offer you to drink but he will drag you out of the base/ house and make you sit in the front porch/ garden  while he has set up some “ festive” fireworks ( just some small ones that erupt and turn into hearts) . He isnt the ideal psychological perfection, but if you chosed the scottish cyclops for your mate, then he shall go to the man and back just to see you smile one more time. ♥

Heavy: ˜”*°•.˜”*°• he has seen depression and has experienced it himself. It was way too traumatic for a young man to have to support a family without a father figure around. I highly headcanon him to have deppresion hence the sandwich, hes bingining while staying in the battlefield. He doesnt care about the language barrier, in order for the both of you to be as close as you are know, it means you understand eachother to a satysfying extent. He will cook you a very hearty meal and bring it to your bed with a tray and sweet tea. You can eat in silence with him simply staying by your side and rub your back, words can’t potray how he feels right now. Once you finished hell put the dishes outside and simply cuddle you ( being the least cuddly of the mercs, it means a lot). You can nap, cry, trace patterns on his sculp anything really. All his life the main cause of depression was the anarchy surrounding his life, he needs you to feel protected. He doesn’tcare how much time it will take, but he will rip the mountains apart to seeyou smile out of genuine happiness, might even cry if he is the cause. •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Medic: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ the most medically, again qualified from the group. so he has at least that covered. He isn’t stupid, you show clear signs of cronic clinical depression ( also known as manic depression) and although it has been a long while before finding a patient to lobotomize, hed be damned if he ever butchered you up like that. He is a healer, even if enjoys his enemies to hurt a little more than they should, and a healer is here to help both the body and the mind. Will persuade you into getting under medication, even if he knows theyll have little to no effecthe just hopes the placebo effect will motivate you. He tries to mix your routine with his, ex. he wakes up really early when you finnaly after hours of insomnia fell asleep, hell tuck you in and kiss your forehead. Throughout the day hell send Scout or Heavy to bring you food or water or your medications. Pyro will be by your doorstep or you side, to keep you company during the day. At night he will carry you to the medbay and do all the talking for you if you dont feel like talking, he will listen to all of your venting. Lowkey will sit you on his lap so he can rub your back and let you cry/ just sit there, to feel his heardbeat on your face and relax. ♥

Sniper: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥    𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 , 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 , 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤 ( 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵( 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 , 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 0/10 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘸. ♥

Spy: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥     actually he isn’t that mentally mature as much as he strives to be. He has very unhealthy copying mechanisms, he fucks and smokes his torments away, but he also knows different people have different copying mechanism and he cant judge how people seek comfort. He doesnt know how to help yo, he really does but he doesnt know. He is nervous but he will probably suggest you two take a vacation away, together. He has planned it all fancy and nice, and pretty much has scanned the whole place/ area/resort you are staying and having “ friends” around. He doesnt care if you just stay all day in the resorts pool and just chill around drinking pina coladas. In the middle of your vacations, he will take you to a more secluded area and will open up about his issues , not about your relationship but about him as a person. He has many issues and he is a very difficult person to be around, so you haveto know he will never judge you. But he also doesnt know how to help you. This will make you hug him and you two can finnaly have a good, well-earned cry. Kiss him on the nose or on his head and tell him how much all this means to you and he will cry you a river and hold you till the dayhe dies, how can someone so late in his life means so, just so damn much? ♥  

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.