#i cant eat without being in distress i cant do anything without pain and my doctor wont help me

[quirkypossum]

okay fuck that i need to rant

i try so hard to fight with myself about feeling okay, but like the sicker i get, the worse i feel and the more awful a person i am. like yeah being sick doesnt make me unlovable, but the shit ass attitude it gives me sure does. no one wants to be around someone who is miserable and sick thats just how it goes. you dont seek out someone whos going to snap at you because theyve been overstimulated for 6 months, or someone who cant do everything that everyone else is doing at their age. like no one wants a friend or partner who is incurable and perpetually in the worst mood imaginable

[creepycrawliesinyourwalls]

yall is it still ana if i have all of the habits and none of the distress and emotion? i dont feel fat, but i want to keep my figure. i have that little dip in my waist, if i suck in a little im perfect. i have arfid, but its getting better.

im so sick of being sick. but i cant live without it. who am i if not pitiful? no one would sanely want me without that interest of "wtf is that."

back to the ana thing lol, i still get the urge to throw up everytime i eat. i feel so full, and i hate it. it's uncomfortable in the way a tag makes me want to rip my skin off. i dont think of myself as a pig, but the feeling of being full makes me want to throw myself off a cliff. im too conscious of my cal intake, i feel guilty. im what so many people want, but im destroying it recklessly.

when i threw up recently (i got a kidney stone and had trouble holding things down without extreme pain) i felt clean. i felt like i found the reset button.

and i know no one is going to notice. no one has before, why would they now? i could fall so far and no one would think i even tripped. im good at things like this. i love getting away with it.

everything i do is a cry for help, im now realizing as i type this. everything i say i try to make unsettling, i want people to notice, to challenge me. no one notices. i want to be obvious. i want to scream im still sick. i want to cry. i sat last september/november in my own vomit and tears and no one helped me. i wanted help, why is no one helping me?

my friends all have their own severe problems, i have no reliable support that wont calapse as soon as i even touch it. my parents aren't reliable, who do i have?

i thought i was privileged, i really did. i deluded myself into believing i had help, and that i had something to fall back on. i have no net. but i still have money, i still have privilege.

wheres my support team? whos my support team? i dont have a therapist currently, either. my coping skills are to dissociate and harm mysef to feel in control.

best part is im going swimming friday, i cant even cut rn until friday. fucking friday. i cant wait that long, im greedy and i need it now.

god i sound like an addict lol. but i need it, i need the chemicals, i need it rn. i already threw away everything for no reason, i have nothing to lose.

i will never win. my name means victory, fun fact. i should probably change it. god i feel insane, so genuinely i feel crazy.

i need to be perfect but nothings working. i need care that im not willing to get. i cant let go, i just cant. i cant let go of her, of cutting, of starving, of anything. i never got better, i suspended the inevitable.

would my friends miss me if i died? i asked that once, as a "joke". i want to ask again. i want them to do something to keep me from drowning. i know it's selfish, i know im bothering them with issues that i should handle myself. i want my friends. im not real without them. maybe they'll hate me when they realize how much i depend on them to live, so i wont tell them. i cant tell them. they'll hate me.

[h2bakugou]

Hi i really love your stories i don't know if the requests are open but if they are can i ask for a bakugou x reader where she is feeling like a bother while on her period (me right now 😭) because she is tired an in pain and cant do anything and bakugou helping her getting through it and convincing her she is not " a bother ". Hope u can thanks 😊❤️

a/n: hi hun! im sorry for the late response but i hope you're feeling better!! i love this request <3

summary: bakugou comes to aid you while you’re on your period.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff

word count: 877

;cut for length;

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»»————-　★　————-««

The first day always feels surreal. From clammy hands to a striking pain in your abdomen, all you want to do is mope around and it only gets worse as you continue on.

The second day feels almost unbearable. And this is when Bakugou begins to worry. You were exhausted the day prior, slow to respond, and just kind of out of it. You had said you didn't get much sleep, tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position.

But now, you looked more like a shell of yourself. You'd gotten permission to skip classes for the day, but it didn't feel like much of a help when everything you needed to survive was downstairs.

That's when you called in backup.

Bakugou was shocked to find you distressed in bed, laid and sprawled out in an awkward position, a blanket covering half of your body and a bag of chips beside you.

"Are you sick or somethin'?" He asked bluntly, until you rolled your eyes and groaned.

"I'm on my period. I just want something to eat but I can't move." You whine. Bakugou quickly adjusts, realizing that what you were going through was normal.

Approaching you, he sat on the side of your bed and placed his hand on your exposed lower leg, rubbing it slowly.

"What do you want to eat?" Bakugou asked softly, his expression softened, ready to take care of you.

"Could you make me something?" You always loved his food, especially when he cooked something savory and colorful.

"Sure. You need me to grab you anything-"

"I'm good on all the products, I refilled last time." You explained, closing your eyes.

"Alright. Hang in there." Bakugou leaned down and placed a soft kiss on your forehead before handing you the unopened water bottle that was on your desk.

"Drink some of this while I'm gone." He instructed.

He was only gone about thirty minutes before he returned with a tray of food, a yummy meal that was piping hot along with your favorite drink, and a few of your favorite snacks that the dorm always had supplied in the pantry.

"You are amazing." You sat up, wincing at the dull aching in your sides that felt so much worse than it should've.

You ate quickly, enjoying the meal while it was fresh and hot, and because you hadn't had a good filling meal since the day before. You'd been living off of snacks and chips for the last 24 hours.

"Do you need anything else while I'm here?" He asked, willing to stay with you. He had planned on it anyway, sneakily snagging a few dvd's from Kaminari's overflowing collection of romcoms, horror flicks, and cartoons.

"Mhm, a hug would be nice."

After you finished eating, Bakugou held you, in a position that was comfortable for you. You gazed at the screen as it played the movie but it wasn't long before you were sound asleep in your boyfriend's arms.

You attended class the following day, but it was just as bad as the previous day, if not more so. You were so close. Just a few more days and it'd all be over.

But you couldn't even train properly. Bakugou was at your side and you felt annoyed. Like you were dragging him down because you weren't feeling good.

You managed to sneak off to your dorm without his conscious eye on you. You wept in your pillow, sobbing about how horrible you felt for being so needy and clingy.

It wasn't until Bakugou was pounding on your door that you woke up from your nap, tears still drying on your cheeks. He barged in unannounced, giving you no time to wipe your eyes.

"What's going on?" He asked, quickly coming to your side.

"N-no! Go away." You pushed him back.

"Alright, I stand here, but I'm not leaving 'til you tell me what's goin' on." Bakugou crossed his arms as he stood beside your bed. You huffed and fell back into your pillow, choking out more sobs.

"I'm being such a baby, I can't even do anything by myself and it's so unfair for you. You shouldn't have to take care of me. This is so bothersome for you I know it is." You cried.

Bakugou sighed and let out a small chuckle.

"If it was bothersome do you think I'd be standing here dumbass?" Bakugou eased down onto the mattress, letting his hand rub your lower back.

"No." You mumbled.

"You're not a bother. C'mon, I wanna cuddle." Bakugou mumbled himself, tugging at the hem of your shirt for you to move and lay on him.

"Now who's acting weird." You giggled, moving to lay with him.

"Shut up." He groaned, burying his head in the crook of your neck. You smiled and cuddled into him, wrapping yourself around him as he did the same.

"I hope you start to feel better soon." Bakugou whispered, kissing your shoulder. You placed your hand on his back, rubbing it slowly.

"Thank you. I promise I'll be out of your hair soon." You kiss his cheek and close your eyes.

"Mm no. I like when you play with my hair." He spoke quietly as he began to doze off to sleep.

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masterlist

[storysofmyown]

Seven stages of love Chapter 7, Epilogue: Philutia

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.  

Read on ao3

Word Count: 1818

Trigger Warning: None that I can think of. If you find any feel free to let me know so I can add them!

The house of lamentation was in an absolute uproar. Noises coming from every room in the house. Lucifer had his classical music on an all time high, his own way to shut away the noises that were coming from the kitchen, as Belphegor and Beel attempted to make some horrific concoction that went against Solomon's own cooking. As well as Mammon’s music that was blaring from his room, apparently having entered a context where the louder he listened to music, the more opportunity he had to win, meanwhile Leviathan was showing Satan an anime, the music of the intro being able to be heard through the entire house as it fought with that of his brothers. Except from one demon, who although had been having a messy head, who's words and screams were louder than all the noises in the house, was now oddly quiet. As he smiled at himself in the mirror.

Asmodeus placed the perfume bottle down, picking up the earrings Mammon had given him in exchange for having sold his designer shoes. They were quite pretty, for having been a gift from Mammon. The demon let out chuckle, it was...odd. Being able to look at himself in the mirror once more, gone the feeling disgust. A few days ago, he would have been to the point we're if he caught a glance of himself in the mirror, it would have been broken in a million pieces, accompanied by the blood that would have been pouring from his wounds. But now...now he was once more able to smile at the demon reflected in the mirror. A real smile, not like the ones be had given for so many years in order to fool himself and convince the corroded carcass of a demon to go out into the world.

Now, he was able to see himself. The real Asmodeus, the one that had been locked away from all that pain and all those desires, the one that wasn't controlled by the feeling of lust and the sin that had place a chain around his wrists and a leash on his neck. Finally allowing himself to breath the perfume of roses that lingered in his room, instead of the despair that came from his mind. Now he was ready to go out into the world again. But the world that he wanted to go out to, wasn't the same as the one he thought he needed. And he just hoped they would like the new Asmodeus, along with what he had to say, and how he wanted to say it.

"Asmo?"

Belphegor’s voice made Beel stop mid bite, looking in the direction his brother was. He had just entered the kitchen and was looking at the two with curiosity, not only that but he had adorned himself in the usual clothes he would wear to go out. Although, those were less...loud.

"Hi!" He spoke in his usual cherry tone, making the twins look at each other.

"You look nice." Beel spoke, food still in his mouth before he finished the bite.

"Are you going out?" The youngest leaned against the counter, fluffing the pillow in his hands slightly before his eyes fell on the older brother, who was ravaging the cabinets searching for all kinds of things.

"Nope! I was actually thinking of doing a movie night." The click of the bowl as it was set down on the table, and the crinkling of the bags, made Beel hungry, but aside from that, it attracted some other demon into the kitchen, who had been avoiding finding the eldest all afternoon.

"Yo, y'all cooking something?"

"Mammon! Perfect timing~" The fifth eldest grabbed onto the Avatar of greed's arm, pulling him into the kitchen and proceeding to place the bowl on his hands, already full. "Here, see that Beel doesn't eat them yet." As he spoke, he started taking cups out if the cabinets, and ice from the fridge.

"Oi, hold on. You can't just grab me and pull me like that-, Beel!" Mammon glared at his younger brother, who’s hand was almost already inside the bowl, mumbling an apology as he retracted it. "What are you even doing?"

"He's doing a movie night." Belphegor spoke, although none of the demons in the room knew if he was awake of asleep.

"We are making a movie night! None of you are escaping." Asmo stated, placing the cups, already full, in a tray. "Here, Belphie, you take this to the room. Beel, would you be a dear and search for some more food? We know it won't be nearly enough for all of us. I'll go get the others! You three wait for me in the living room~"

After searching through his home for the remaining of his brothers, two of them being more reluctant to participate, as he had expected. He and Lucifer went to the twin’s room and came back with an array of pillows and blankets to get comfortable all over the floor, at which Levi complained, only to be quickly shut up as they reminded him the position he took to play. Asmo finally managed to get all of them into the living room just in time to catch Beel almost eating from the bowl he had entrusted Mammon to protect. After a couple of more complaints, and a silent glare from Lucifer, Asmodeus finally managed to have all his brothers sit down.

"...ok, so you have us all here. Now what?" Leviathan asked, a little annoyed at having had his game taken away from him, just when he was about to beat a hard level.

"Now, we obviously watch a movie, dummy~" Asmo spoke from his position as he set up a DVD player, making Satan frown.

"I didn't know we still owned one of those."

"Hold on, isnt that-"

"Yes, Levi, this is yours. I think you saved it a long time ago in the attic." Asmo said, turning the device on and place a DVD inside the player, quickly hooking it up to the tv and sitting between him brothers, shoving Belphie to the side, effectively waking him up. "Now, get cozy, we are spending the whole night together~" he chuckles, only for some of his brothers to groan, although, none of them tried to get away from him and just smiled as the movie started.

It had been a few hours, and the known Avatar of Lust, along with the rest of his family, had went on to go on with their movie night. Well, movie night was to put it highly, in fact, they were watching some videos. This was what the Avatar of Lust truly wanted to do, spend time with his family, as he remembered how important they were. Videos from all the years they had spent together. Recorded in old cameras that at the time where the best technology possible. Old phones and pictures, them all sharing their own thoughts and stories behind all the images that flashed by. At first, they all seemed to be surprised that those were the 'movies' Asmodeus was referring too. But after a while, they grew fond of the idea, basking in the old memories and even sharing even older ones from the time they fell and fond times they remembered from the celestial realm, telling Satan all about them. Although, a certain older demon noticed how the young Avatar or Lust got slightly increasingly nervous each time it moved to another section. Until it got to a video, the quality as of the D.D. D’s they used now, and it showed Asmo, in his room, alone.

"...uh, hi?" The Asmo in the video spoke. By his state, they all could tell he had been obviously tired when recording this. "So, I'm...making this to put my thoughts in order, I guess?" He looked directly into the camera. "...but as I pressed the button I realized that...all I have in mind and all that I truly want to say is...thank you..."

The audio paused for a moment, an obvious distressed Asmo taking a moment to collect himself, the brothers all looked at the Asmodeus that was currently sitting between them all. Wide eyes in shock. The demon could feel the eyes on him, making a light pink come to his cheeks as he watched himself in the video. A slight feeling of shame, no, perhaps embarrassment at having decided to approach the situation in such a way.

“Asmo what is-” Lucifer was cut off by the video finishing, the screen turning dark. All brothers looking confused at Asmodeus, who could barely muster the courage to look at any of them, so, instead, he kept his sight glued to the floor, before speaking.

“I know…I have been difficult lately, and that you all have had a hard time dealing with me and…and all my questions. But…after speaking with every single one of you…” A small smile comes to his lips as he remembered the conversations, and what they had meant to him. They way they had opened his eyes to the world he had been missing, and to the one he had submerged himself in so deep there was no light anymore. “…I realized what it is that I was lacking. So, thank you, my dear brothers and…”

He pauses again, letting the silent set in his words to his brothers. It had been a long journey. And at first, he had felt so lost…like there was no way he could ever truly understand what was missing, or where to even beginning searching. But thanks to his brothers, and without even realizing it, he had been actually searching what it was missing. And he now understands. He understood better than anything else, better than even his own sin and his own mind and buddy, that the answer for what he needed laid right inside of the house of lamentation. Within himself, and one of the few ways he could start learning and reconnecting with who he was, was right around him.

With his family. With his big, stupid, loud, noisy family. The one that had watched him crumble and instead of mocking him had helped him get back up slowly. And now he was taking the first step after having been rebuilt slowly, the first step of the journey he had yet to complete. But that he wasn’t worried about, because he had his family. And to grasp and fully understand the thing he needed; the Avatar of Lust wouldn’t need to go anymore. And for him that was more than okay, because that meant he could stay close to those who had helped him trough it all. To those who would keep helping him. And to the six demons he only had one thing to say, and it the same thing he had to say to himself.

“I love you all”

Philutia: Self love

******

Hi, well, here we are, at the end. I am honestly surprised I managed to finish this in time, but hey, here it is! I really, really hope you all had enjoyed this fan fiction as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I guess I will see you all on my next fic obey me fic XD

Take care!

Previous chapter

Other works

[trekkienatural]

Does anyone else just not have energy anymore?

I dont have the energy to go and eat. Or drink. Or shower. Or change my clothes.

I dont have enough energy to get through the day without taking a nap.

I cant focus. I can't fall asleep, even if I haven't taken a nap. I can barely keep a conversation going.

My eyes blur when I try to read more than 5 paragraphs.

I literally collapse after I stand up sometimes.

My brain can never form a proper sentence without loads of effort.

My coordination is horrible now.

Even though my muscles as still strong, I cant lift anything.

I cant remember something I said 10 minutes ago.

I dont remember if I've eaten.

I dont remember what I was going to write for this sentence.

I dont have any energy.

This has been my life for years. Wake up, do work, come home, do work, eat, do work, try to sleep.

Sleep doesnt give me energy. It just passes time faster.

Food doesnt give me energy. It just makes the hunger go away.

Water doesnt help with anything. It just makes the thirst stop.

I'm too tired to take care of myself.

I'm too tired to write my books.

But fuck it.

I dont care.

Not anymore.

Not after I've been through a revolution. Then a coup. Then death threats. Then a new country without my father. Then a new school. Then another new school. Then a new house in a new neighborhood with new people. Then middle school. Still no father. Then figuring out that I'm queer. Then repressing all of it. Then seventh grade. Three online schools. No father. No friends. I got yelled at every single day. I hardly ever ate anything. I rarely drank anything. Then a new country. And a new house in a new neighborhood with new people. A new school. A father that I hardly remembered and didnt know. Then figuring out that I'm trans. Then I had some sort of flu for a month. Then January of 2020. It was supposed to be a good year. A new decade. A new beginning. It wasn't. First I though my Australian friend was going to die choking on smoke (he was there during the fires. A bunch happened where he was staying). Then covid. I was locked in my house. Alone. Getting yelled at every day. I rarely ate. I rarely drank. I lost 5 pounds. I was more depressed. I didn't really sleep. I got hate anons every day. I still do. And then another black man was murdered. And the whole country decided to stand up for him. So I educated myself. I read articles, I listened to black people, I tried to be a good ally. And pride month came and Pridefall threats came around. And I prepared myself. Then J.K. Rowling started being even more transphobic. People (rightfully) pointed out even more problematic things in Harry Potter. I loved Harry Potter. It literally kept me alive. But now I just feel pain when I look at it, because how could I have enjoyed something so problematic. How could I have enjoyed something that was written by a woman who doesnt believe I exist. And then I came to the US. I'm pretty much stuck in a room that's 25 by 20 feet (idk, I'm not good with distance). I dont have any privacy. I share a room with my mother. I have to wear a mask everywhere I go. I dont just mean out in public, I mean in the rest of the house.

If I hear a door close, I freak out.

If I hear a door close loudly, I freak out.

If I hear loud footsteps, I prepare to be screamed at.

If an authority figure seems even slightly distressed, I panic.

If I get a grade that isn't perfect, I have a panic attack because I might get screamed at.

If I try and politely say I dont want to eat something because the texture messes with my head, I get called "ungrateful".

If I try and ask for help I always get "later, I'm busy" or "you should know this already" or "I dont have time for it" or "why are you asking me".

If I don't ask for help, I get told that I should have asked for help.

If I dont sound 100% cheerful and chipper when I reply to something, I get called "ungrateful" and I'm told to not give adults attitude.

If I forget even the smallest of things I'm called "useless".

So now I spend every day worrying.

I'm going to be 13 when I go to high school.

I'll be 17 when I graduate.

I'll be 17 when I go to college.

Tl;dr I'm tired as fuck and have no energy but I dont care.

Feel free to interact with this post. Reblog, like, reply, whatever.

[thiswasinevitableid]

You what would be hella? An angsty-ish fic with the ice prompt. Your work is so lovely and well-written, I cant wait to read what ever you next produce!

Thank you so much for that, I’m glad people are excited to read my stuff! Since you didn’t specify a pairing, I went with Sternclay. Angst ahoy (but with a happy ending), along with me playing fast and loose with arctic geography.

He’s one of the lucky ones. 

Joseph Stern, scientist aboard the HMS Erebus, is a fastidious man. He is also, unfortunately, prone to bouts of seasickness meaning his meals have been scant, even before the ships became locked in. 

But it also means he was not eating food tinned in cans laden with lead. And his experimental water system, with which he occupied himself on long days, meant he drank more filtered sea water and ice than he did from the stores tainted with the same blasted material. 

So when he and the remainder of the skeleton crew left the Erebus and her sister the Terror, his mind was much clearer than most. 

And that is why, when the bulk of them turned a direction that likely held only more ice, more death, carrying a writing desk while leading freshwater behind, he refused to follow, insisting their best hope of civilization laid the opposite way. 

They left him and his supplies, unwilling to listen to his case. And so he has walked, then trudged, then barely moved, across the ice.

When he hits water, cursed sea water, he contemplates stepping into it. But drowning would be worse than freezing, or so he’s heard. 

A head surfaces in a hole through the ice. A mans head. 

Stern blinks, confused. Then he laughs.

“Maybe I should take to the sea after all. You look well fed.”

The man frowns, “You look nearly dead.”

“I am.” He sits down, knees hugged to his chest for warmth. 

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” The man emerges from the ice, and in place of legs he has a spotted and strong tail, like that of the seals Stern used to watch from his cabin window. 

“Unless you control the weather, I don’t think you need to be.” In any other time, the sight of a legendary creature would send him into a frenzy of delight and curiosity. Now he simply stares. 

“Why are you here?”

“The Northwest Passage.”

“That’s, um, that’s a trade thing, right? Your kind wants to move the things you sell more easily across the waters.”

“You’re well read for a merman.”

“My home isn’t that isolated.” He shrugs.

Stern stares at the water, peeking through cracks in the ice, “So many dead. So many more will die, I’ve no doubt, and all for a quicker route for spices and gold.” He can’t even weep, his body won’t let him use the energy, but he shudders in distress. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay. “ The merman slides to him, cups his cheeks, strokes his beard, and his hands are warm, warm and real, and Stern presses against them, “I mean, it sounds fucking awful, but that, um, that doesn’t sound as comforting.”

“I don’t mind the comfort.” Stern rests his hands on the man’s chest, then his mind gets a moment of true clarity, “wait, your home. You said your home is not that isolated. Is it near?”

“Um, I can reach it in a few hours but” he points to his tail, “that’s the way I can. On foot it’ll take longer. And unless the humans I know have been really wrong about some stuff, I think if you try to swim with me you’ll die, like, right away.”

“I’ve walked lord knows how far. I can manage a little more, if you point the way.”

The merman looks torn, then takes Sterns hands, “I can do one better. I’ll be your guide. If you’re closed off from the water’s edge, look under the ice.”

He slides back the way he came, surfaces a few moments later to Sterns right. So Stern follows him, sometimes no more than shape to his right, other times a ghostly shadow swimming beneath and in front of him. When night falls and Stern manages a paltry fire and shelter with his supplies, Barclay, as the mer calls himself, promises to return at sunrise, and does so without fail for the next two days. 

As he trudges across the icy ground, the best moments are when his path allows Barclay to swim right beside him, head above water so they can converse. It’s worth the effort, the inhaling of cold air, to converse with another being. Better yet, Barclay is bright and friendly, curious about Stern’s research in a way none of his crewmates were. Barclay tells him stories of merfolk and sea monsters, even makes him laugh,  in return for Stern telling him about life in England and his research into undiscovered species. 

“They offered me the chance to study far off lands, discover creatures thought only to be legend. Silly thing to die for.”

“Doesn’t sound like you were the one who got the ships stuck. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to learn about the world.”

Stern’s rations have run out, and when he stumbles, Barclay doubles back, concerned. 

“I, I need, food, I’ll-”

“Wait right here.” Barclay disappears. Stern counts snowflakes, heartbeats, anything to distract from the pain in his belly. 

A fish hits the ice in front of him. Then it flops and wiggles across the slick surface, back into the water.

“Damn it.” He giggles, near hysterical. 

The fish lands again, head now gone. 

“Sorry, forgot humans aren’t great with live prey.” Barclay says sheepishly. 

Stern eats five more fish Barclay brings him, manages to get to his feet and continue on. 

Night falls, colder than the last few, and Barclay disappears with his usual promise to return.

------------------------------------------

“He’s not going to last the night, Barclay.”

Barclay turns, finds his friend Indrid in his human form at the door of his house on Amnesty Island. The seer gives him a sad smile. 

“No. No he can’t. I won’t let him.”

“Barclay-”

“Indrid” Barclay grabs his shoulders, “do you remember when you found Duck? How frightened he was, how he was certain you were death coming for him?”

“Yes.” Indrid says, pain flashing on his face. He’d found the human, left behind by his research expedition. Duck had volunteered to stay behind and freeze, in hopes of his team having enough rations to make the nearest town if they were a man short. Indrid found him, brought him back to Amnesty, cared for him. Fell in love with him and Duck, after a few weeks, returned the sentiment with gusto. 

“I can’t let that happen to Joseph. I can’t, Indrid, please, the last week, I, he’s unlike any guy I’ve ever met. I can’t let him suffer that way.”

Indrid’s face goes blank. Then he gives Barclay an unusually severe stare, “You have very little time, and you must follow my instructions to the letter.”

---------------------------------------------------

He’s going to die. It’s too cold, his body too weak. He is going to die alone, his family will never know what befell him, and he will never even get the chance to thank Barclay for his kindness, for making his last days bearable, at moments almost enjoyable. 

Lord have mercy on his soul. Let it be painless. 

All for nothing, for trade and money, is this end in the ice. 

Have mercy. 

He can’t see. His heart seems to slow. In the distance, something crunches on the snow. 

Mercy. 

-----------------------------------

“So this is the fella you took my boat and my dogsled for?”

“Yes, Mama, I’m sorry.”

The woman’s voice has a laugh in it, “You always did have a big heart. Guess it was only a matter of time before you brought some hard-luck human in.”

“He’s not just any human.” A warm hand brushes Stern’s hair, “I’ve never felt this way about a human before. A few other mers maybe, when I was younger.”

“Uh, Mama? Indrid says we got a ship comin in soon and we might wanna buy more’n normal.”

Why in the lord’s blessed name is hearing a southern accent?

He tries to ask this question, gets a groan out instead.

“He’s awake!” Barclays’ voice gets closer, and when he manages to open his eyes he finds familiar, deep brown ones looking at him.

“How...where?”

“Amnesty Island. My home.” He supports Stern’s head, helping him drink blessedly clean water.

“That’s...that’s not on any map I’ve seen.”

“And for damn good reason.” A woman with graying hair stands behind Barclay, “only those who need to know can find us, on account of the northern mers wanting some islands that were safe for them. Barclay decided you needed to know.”

“Thank you, Barclay. And thank you Mrs, um?”

“Cobb. But just call me Mama. Now, rest of you get, we need to haul supplies off that boat and Barclay needs some time with his fella.”

When the door of the small cabin closes, Stern reaches out, stroking Barclay’s coppery beard, “Why did you save me?”

“Because you’re a good guy. And, well, I care about you a lot. I like you even more. I couldn’t just leave you to die.”

This time, Stern weeps, with relief and exhaustion and the ghosts of his fear. Shivers even as tears dot his pillow. 

“Shhh, shhhhh it’s okay, I mean it this time. You still cold?”

Stern nods and Barclay tosses another blanket on top of him in bed. When the next wave of tears clear, the larger man is down to long underwear.

“May I?” He points to bed, and Stern weakly lifts the covers. Barclay climbs beneath them, wraps Stern in his arms, body flooding him with warmth and safety. 

“Been wanting to do this since that first day, but mer bodies aren’t great for keeping humans dry and warm. Kinda damp.”

“All-” Stern yawns, “all the same, I would like the chance to explore yours in more detail some day.”

“You got it.” Barclay hesitates, then kisses Stern’s temple, “but right now, time for you to rest. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning. Raw, decapitated fish aside, I’m a damn good cook. Any requests?”

“Eggs. Good lord I’ve missed eggs.”

“Think I can rustle something up. Heh, that tickles.” He chuckles when  Stern rubs his cheek against the exposed patch of dark-haired chest. 

“It won’t for long. I’ll be clean shaven as soon as I can hold a razor without shaking. You think I’m handsome now, just wait til you see me well fed and groomed.”

“Looking forward to it.” A kiss on the cheek, then snowflake-light on his lips, “ goodnight Joseph. You’re safe here, I’ll see to it. And I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

“Just like old times.” Stern says, only half-joking.

Another, tender kiss, “Yep, just like old times.”

[spider-manholland]

You’re Not Alone | Peter Parker

Pairing(s): Peter Parker x Female Stark!Reader

Warning(s): angst, fluff, mentions of death, major Endgame and Far From Home spoilers

Summary: After the death of your father, Tony Stark, you started to push everyone away, including your boyfriend, ending your relationship with him in the process. You expected your life to never cross paths with Peter Parker’s ever again. That’s until you received a distressed call from him, and now you have no choice but to help the boy that held your heart in his hands.

Requested: Yes / No

Author’s Note: I’m currently in the works of the third chapter of “crossed hearts” but had this and one other one-shot in my mind so I decided put them out first. I also changed up some of the dialogue in the jet scene to fit with Peter and Y/N instead of him and Happy.

Masterlist

You thought your heart could finally heal after months of being separated from your boyfriend, and you were. That was until you received a call from Happy that Peter needed help from the Netherlands, saying that it was urgent.

So here you were, standing in the center of a beautiful flower field, feet apart from the boy that still held your heart. Your eyes were wide with worry as you taken in the features of him. Seeing the blood that stained his cheeks, the bags under his eyes, his torn clothes and the limp he had.

“Y/N?” His voice was weak, almost trembling as his tired chestnut colored eyes stared into yours. “Is that really you?”

“What?” You asked, chuckling before nodding your head. “Yes, of course.” You slowly began to walk towards him but he then raised his hand, almost like he was scared or something. “Stop!” He shouted, taking a couple cautious steps back. “Tell me something that only you, the real Y/N would know.”

“Why?” You questioned, clearly confused as to why he’s acting like this. “Just tell me something only you would!” His voice raises, his hands clenching into fists, like he was ready to defend himself he had to.

“Okay,” you nodded your head, putting your hands carefully up, showing him that you didn’t mean any harm. “Remember two years ago?” You started, seeing Peter’s brows furrow. “On our first date you took me to Central Park. You had this perfect plan,” you laughed, the memory resurfacing your mind. “You had packed all sorts of food to have a picnic but halfway through it started to storm so we just ended up eating under a bus stop roof.”

You could see Peter’s eyes soften. “You thought the date was ruined. But to me, it was perfect.” You watched as then his fists unclenched and he began to limp his way towards you, you meeting him halfway and your arms instantly finding their way around his neck as his wrapped around waist. You two held each other as close as possible, making no space between you two. “It’s really you,” his voice was weak, “It’s actually you.”

“I’m here,” you said softly, running your fingers through his soft brown curls as his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. “You’re okay.”

After you pulled away from him, you slid your hands down his arms and took his hands into yours, pulling him towards the private jet that was behind you. “Come on, let’s get you inside and fix you up.”

- - -

“I thought you had super strength?” You smirked playfully as you slowly and carefully stitched up the large gash that was on Peter’s back. “You dealt with pains far worse than small stitches.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” His voice low, his hands gripping onto his chair’s armrest as you added another stitch.

“Just relax.” You told him, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder as you finished putting in the last stitch. “Don’t tell me to relax, Y/N!” You then jumped, frightened when Peter slammed his fist angrily onto his armrest before shooting up from his seat to face you. “How can I relax when I messed up so bad?!”

You could feel your heart ache at the sight of Peter’s broken state in front of you, his red, teary eyes staring into your wide e/c ones. “I trusted Beck, right? I thought he was my friend so I gave him the last thing your dad gave me and now he’s going to kill my friends and half of Europe so please, don’t tell me to relax!” He snapped, sitting down in one of the chairs in front you and gripped onto his wet brown curls.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at you. “I just—really miss him.” His voice cracked, staring at you with glossy eyes as yours also was filled with tears. “Yeah,” you nodded, feeling a couple slide down your cheeks. “I miss him too—so much.”

You stood up from your seat and sat down beside him, reaching over and lacing your fingers with his, feeling those familiar sparks erupt in your chest. “I don’t know what to do, Y/N.” His grip on your hand tightening, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as his forehead tested against yours. “Mr. Stark—your dad was always there for me, to save me and now...” His voice was trembling, his other hand landing onto your thigh, gripping it as a couple tears spilled from his eyes. “I’m all alone...”

“You’re not alone.” You corrected him, shaking your head before running your thumb through his cheek, wiping the stray tears that trailed down his face. “You have me,” you smiled softly.

“So tell me what I can do to help you stop this piece of shit.” And that’s when Peter felt himself smile for the first time since this agonizing school trip started. “Okay,” he shot up from his seat, “I need a new suit.”

“I got that covered you.” You smirked before also standing up from your seat, walking over to the control panel that was beside the cockpit door and pressed a button. Peter then turned around when a large door slid open, revealing a secret room in the back of the plane that your father used to craft his suits whenever he was traveling.

Peter was hesitate at first before stepping up to one of the suit chambers and began to work on his brand new suit. You watched from afar, cant help but seeing your father in him.

“He sorta reminds you of Tony, doesn’t he?” You jumped, turning to see Happy standing in the doorway that led to the cockpit, a small smile on his lips. “You scared the crap out of me!” You held your hand over your chest, trying to recatch your breath before returning your attention back to Peter who was heavily concentrated on the tech in front of him. “But yeah,” you smiled, “He does.”

“Have you talked to him about you know what?” Happy then asked, causing you to shift uncomfortably, wrapping your arms around yourself. “No,” you shook your head. “But I will.”

- - -

A few hours then passed and you soon found yourself standing next to Peter, watching his suit slowly being crafted, your eyes watching as red and black fabrics were being stitched together. “It’s beautiful,” you spoke softly.

“Yeah, it is.” Peter replied. But when you faced him you saw that eyes weren’t focused on his suit. Instead they were on you.

You turned away from him, trying to hide the blush that covered your cheeks. You could also feel your heart beat hard against your chest, knowing that Peter could hear it too.

“I’m sorry, Peter.” You suddenly apologized, deciding that it was the best time to finally actually talk to him, seeing that he wasn’t busy with his suit anymore. When you lifted your head to look at him, you saw his eyes filled with confusion so you continued, “For everything. For ending things with you all of sudden, leaving and vanishing for seven months.”

“What was your reason?” Peter only asked, his lips curled down into frown and his brows furrowed. “For leaving and all.”

You could feel your eyes fill with tears, staring down ground and anxiously playing with your fingers. “Everywhere I went I saw my dad’s face. He was on newspapers, tv channels, toys, artwork, and it was hard seeing him, knowing that he’s actually gone and never coming back.” Your voice cracked, nibbling on your bottom lip. “So I decided to leave the country, hoping that it’ll help me recover if I don’t see him everywhere I go.”

“Did it?” Peter asked, his body inches from yours, staring down at you due to your height difference with sympathy in his eyes.

You nodded your head, “Only for a while. And I didn’t want to break up with you, Peter.” You then added, “But I just thought you deserved better. You deserve someone that could give you a normal life, and you can’t get that with me. Ever since my dad passed my life was filled with constant darkness and I didn’t want you to be part of it, be held back because of me.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you,” you continued, “But then Pepper told me how heartbroken you were after I left and there was nothing more I wanted to do than come back and fix everything.”

“What stopped you?” Peter questioned, “You were gone for seven months, Y/N!” His voice raising, causing you to wince at his sudden change of tone, but knowing that you deserved it.

“I was scared,” your voice cracked. “I was scared that you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I could never hate you.” His words slipped from his mouth before he could even register it, causing you to feel even more guilty.

“And as I time went by the more paranoid and scared I became.” You continued, “But when Happy called me saying that you were hurt and needed help I immediately came without any hesitation. And all those paranoid thoughts of you hating me were replaced with the idea of losing you and I can’t-” and that’s when the tears began to spill from your eyes.

“-I can’t lose you like I lost my dad. I can’t lose you, Peter. And I’m sorry for causing you so much pain, I’m so sorry-” You didn’t realize you were full blown sobbing until you felt Peter cup your face into his hands, wiping your tears with thumbs, your teary eyes staring into his soft brown ones.

“It’s okay,” he cut you off, smiling, trying to reassure and calm you down. “All that matters right now is that you’re here, with me.”

And without saying anything else Peter leaned down and pressed his lips against yours softly. You immediately kissed back, your arms wrapping around his neck as his hands rested on your waist, holding you as close as possible to him, almost like he was scared that if he’d let go you’d run away again. The kiss you two shared was filled with many different emotions. Love. Forgiveness. Passion.

“Just promise you won’t leave me again. Please?” He mumbled against your lips, begging as his grip on your waist tightened, holding you close, your chests pressed up against each other. You pulled away from his lips, smiling softly as your hands moved towards the brown curls that dangled in front of forehead, sticking to his slightly dirty skin from his sweat, pushing them away so that you had a clear view of his beautiful brown eyes.

“I’m never leaving your side again, Peter Parker.”

Hope you guys guys enjoyed this one-shot. Let me know if you want to be tagged in ALL of my works.

- Tags -

@laic2299

[angelicspaceprince]

Marked Part 2

Author: Ama

Title: Marked (Pt 2)

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Reader

Character/s: Beetlejuice

Word Count: 4, 003 words

Warnings: Yandere!Beetlejuice, dub/noncon, hypnosis, cum kink/play, forced oral, dirty talk, forced orgasm, Daddy Kink, gaslighting, clones, fleshlights, humiliation and degradation.

Prompt: You have been living with Beetlejuice (with your knowledge) for six months now and to say that it has all been going smoothly? Well. That’d be a flat out lie.

Tagged: @imma-fucking-nerd, @im-eating-rn, @secretlysweetmonsters, @sapphic-florals

Notes: Thanks to friendos for helping me plot because we had. Uh. A good time. Plotting this.

Part 2 of this fic here

Buy Me a Coffee

Marked (Pt 2)

Beetlejuice had considered the two of you ‘official’ for the past six months, at least, that’s when he first had his dick in your mouth. You had taken to your training so well, most likely thanks to Beej manipulating your brain every time there is a new lesson to be learnt. Still, even with you completely obedient to everything, he would do, sometimes obedient bored him. He wanted you to love him for him, not because he told you to.

Still, even if he didn’t want that, he still would remove his hypnosis to see you squirm the way you do, the hate in your eyes making the whole process so much more sweeter for him. Still, he enjoyed making you do things that he knew you normally wouldn’t do. His latest obsession was having you feel like you were burning the moment you were wearing clothes, and to have you be his little 60’s housewife, ready to do whatever he asks in a second. He really enjoyed making you bend over for him, then running his hand over your ass and down to your always dripping pussy and pushing his fingers in, just to hear you moan and buck back towards him, a dopey smile permanently on your face as he brings you close to orgasm and keeping you there, begging to cum but never having permission.

That was the other thing that he started making sure of, no matter what you, him or his clones did, you couldn’t cum without him ordering you to. You’d gone a week so far without an orgasm and he could tell it was eating at you. Good.

He loved having your mouth on his dick, mindlessly sucking with your ass in the air. If you were good, you could take him all the way down. If he claimed you were bad, you could only suck the tip, drinking and tasting every drop of his precum until he came in your mouth. If you didn’t swallow every single drop, then you started again.

Today, he was having fun with that command. Having you kneel on the couch, head in his lap as he flickers through the channels, your warm mouth sucking happily at his tip, his hands running up and down your sides, occasionally reaching down to pinch at your nipples until you groan or moving up to stroke your hair so you purr, your wet and empty cunt dripping onto the couch. He’ll have you clean that up later. His lap was already covered in the cum you failed to swallow down. He could feel himself getting close again, hand weaving in your hair as he starts to make you bob up and down slightly, just enough to get him over the edge. The second he starts to cum, he speaks. “Open.” You whine as his taste hits your tongue and promptly slides off and out your mouth, now hanging wide open as you try (and fail) to swallow what he gives you. He tsks. “That’s the fifth one, sweetheart. You really aren’t good at obeying me, aren’t you?” You whine in protest. “What was that, little one?”

You pull back. “Please Daddy, please let me cum.” You whine out as you cant your hips. “I’ll clean up for you, I’ll do whatever you want me to, just please, please, Daddy. Let me cum.”

Beetlejuice pretends to consider it. “No. Cumwhores like you should be able to cum without being touched. You either cum like this or not at all.” You go to protest, but his commands cause you to shut up and just nod, clearly frustrated at the lack of ability to cum. “Get back to work, I want you to actually swallow for me. Be a good little cumdump for me.”

You nod before wrapping your mouth around his somehow still hard dick, sucking as he continues to watch TV. One more time, then he will have you blow him properly.

By the time he allowed you to actually swallow him down properly, the leather was saturated, there were buckets of cum for you to eat. Hands behind your back as you lick every part of his skin that’s been stained white, swallowing with each mouthful you manage to get. You start shifting and rubbing at your tummy about a quarter of the way there, pulling back when you reach about halfway, begging him for a break. If he was a kind man, he’d let you take breaks or even tell you to stop once you started to complain about your tummy being full. Unfortunately, he was a demon and a not very kind one at that. He watches you struggle to fit the last bit of cum in your mouth, swallowing and showing him your now empty mouth. He smiles, and you get ready to be praised only to hear him tapping at the couch and you see all of the slick you had left behind. Your stomach drops. “Get to work, baby girl.”

By the time you’re done, your belly has swollen and is cramping, causing you to wince into the floor, holding onto your taut belly. Beej barely blinks as he gets up and walks around you. You begging for him to stop? Potentially breaking his hypnosis? He can’t have that. He’s not a complete bastard, he will give you a break first, of course. But, you’ll have to be punished. Eventually.

You didn’t move for over an hour, so when Beetlejuice came looking for you, you were still in the same spot, groaning in pain. He rolls his eyes, it wasn’t that bad. Truly, you should be grateful he allowed you the opportunity to taste him. Still, the groans were annoying, so he walks over to place a cool hand over what looks like the sorest part of your tum. You sigh in relief. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Of course, princess.” He says as he rubs at your belly softly until your body straightens out and relaxes. “Feeling better?” He barely gets an ‘mmhmm’ out of you as you lay there peacefully as the pain is taken away. Maybe punishment right now isn’t a good idea. Not that it bothers Beetlejuice, just gives him more time to be creative.

You hated being left alone now, a part of your training was to crave his touch, his commands, and to obey them regardless if you were in hypnosis or not. So, after being carried into the bedroom and left there with the order to ‘not leave the bed’, the longer he was gone, the more distressed you became. You got so loud that he stormed back up to tell you to ‘shut the hell up’, which left you silently whimpering for his approval and touch.

It felt like days, but you knew it was only a few hours. The sun was finally beginning to set, your tummy no longer aching from being overstuffed, and even though your muscles ached from the cramping and the tears, and slowly you were beginning to shake with the fear that Beetlejuice was never coming back. That he forgot about you. Maybe you’d been bad and he didn’t want to deal with you anymore.

That’s how Beej found you, curled in a ball, crying softly as you silently mouth his name over and over. Perfect.

“Oh, my little baby girl is crying.” He mocks, causing you to jolt. “Tell me, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Come to Daddy, let him fix it.” You didn’t need to be told twice as you bolted from the bed and straight into him, kneeling at his feet with your arms locked around his waist as you babble into the soft of his stomach.

“I thought you were angry at me and that I was naughty and I’m sorry Daddy, but I promise to be good and I won’t make you upset again, just please, don’t leave me-”

“Oh, but you have made me angry, babes. Very. Very. Angry.” You whimper at the dangerous tone in his voice as you look up at him, eyes wide. “Don’t look at me like that, slut, you know exactly what you did.” Beej has to hide back a smirk as he watches you think over anything you could have don’t a clue as to what you did wrong. Even better. “Why don’t you tell Daddy what you did and maybe he will let you get out of your punishment?”

You think over what had happened over the day, you followed every instruction perfectly! What could Beetlejuice be talking about? Was a guess better than admitting you didn’t know? You whimper as your brain starts to go in circles, what did you do?

The grin on Beej’s face widens. “Oh, my little whore, cat got your tongue? Well, it certainly didn’t when you decided it was okay for you to speak out of turn.” His thumb traces over your trembling lips before pushing in, you automatically beginning to suck at it. “Daddy knows best, Y/N, and he doesn’t like it when his toy backchats to him.” You whine in protest, flinching when he tsks, removing his thumb from your mouth. “Oh, babes. That’s two strikes now.”

You don’t even dare to follow him with your eyes when he steps back and walks over to your cupboard, now filled with his toy collection. “On your back.” You stand to go to the bed. “I’m sorry, did I say you could stand? On the floor, where you belong. And stay silent.” You sink back down and lay on the cold floor, staring up at the ceiling as you wait for him to come back with whatever toys he wanted to use on you this time. “Spread your legs.” You part them slightly and wince when you feel something cold and plastic press up against you. “Close them.” You obey, slightly confused as he comes to stand by your head, but a shadow still appearing from the base of your legs. “Oh, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Your pretty little brain not able to tell what’s going on?” He sniggers when you look up at him and your confusion is evident in your eyes. “Well, here’s the thing, little one. I’m not dirtying myself with that pussy of yours, I deserve better. Hence the clone. But, he shouldn’t have to put up with that filth, so instead, I’ve provided a substitute. Hence the toy between your legs. Much better than your pathetic little cunt.” His smile is malicious, lethal. If you had it in you, you’d be terrified. “Instead, you’re just going to lie here like the perfect little toy holder you are and let my clone fuck it.” If it wasn’t for the command for you to stay quiet, you’d be protesting loudly as the clone climbs on top of you, your eyes never leaving the original Beej as you feel the second line himself up and sink down onto what you could only assume is a fleshlight.

You quickly got used to the feeling of being ground on without being touched, even if you were leaking slick and clenching at each thrust, body confused that sex was clearly happening and yet you remain empty. You felt pathetic, maybe you weren’t good enough for Daddy, maybe this was all you’re good for. Who are you kidding? Daddy is always right.

You don’t hear yourself cry, but you definitely feel and see your tears well in your eyes before trailing down your face, leaving it blotchy and wet. Even through blurry vision, you can see Beetlejuice looking down at you in glee. “My little cocksleeve is crying? Such a shame. Of course, it’s not your fault that you are a cum addict.” He crouches down next to you, so close and yet so very, very far. “Perhaps I should tie you up outside, hm? With a sign to let everyone know you can be used for free.” You can feel yourself shake your head in protest. “No? You wouldn’t like to be fucked all day? Numerous dicks pounding into you as everyone watches? I’m sure that you’d love it, after all, you’re nothing more than a cumdump. Why should I keep you all to myself, hm?” He chuckles, low and dark causing a shiver up your spine. “Oh, babes. I know you better than you think. I know you’re always gagging for another dick in you. What sort of a demon would I be if I didn’t help you out a little with that? Just think how full you’d be, covered in cum, fucked out, blissed out. I think you’d never look back.” His hand makes its way to your hair, grabbing and pulling harshly so your pulled back. “It’s a good thing you're mine, isn’t it? Because if I order you to, you will do it without complaints. Because I told you to. Isn’t that right?”

You have to nod because you know it's true. You’d do anything for him if it made him happy. He pats your cheek condescendingly. “There’s my good little whore, I knew she was hiding somewhere in there.” You feel awful but still beam under his praise as the clone’s hips shudder to a stop, a moan slightly higher than Beej’s usual sound can be heard before a ‘pop’ as the clone disappears, leaving you holding the cum-filled toy with your thighs. You whimper when Beej’s hand leaves your head and moves to rip the toy from you, throwing it carelessly behind him. You can clean up the mess later. But for now, he has other plans in mind.

His hands grab at your knees and pries them apart as he moves to slot himself between your legs, feeling your slick already down past your thighs. “Oh, little one. I knew you’d enjoy that more than you let on.” He starts to grind his hips against your core, letting you feel just how hard he had become watching you panic as the clone used you. “You took your punishment so well, I think perhaps you should get a reward.” A simple click of his fingers and now he’s just as naked as you, already lining his cock up to your sopping entrance. “Remember, babes, I want you to be loud.” He reminds as he pushes in, bottoming out in one solid thrust.

You moan loudly, head pushing back against the floor as you feel him stretch you in the most magnificent way, hands clawing at the floor, still unable to move from that position. “Fuck, you’re so tight, just like all cocksleeves should be.” You mewl at the praise, clenching down automatically causing him to groan out once more. It’s not long until he’s got your legs over his shoulders and he’s driving into you at the ferocious, unyielding pace that he favours, his praises over how good you take him and how he knew from the second he saw you, this is what you were made for takes over every inch of space in your brain, your body responding keenly to his rough treatment as he digs his nails and teeth into your flesh, drawing blood, leaving hand-shaped bruises and claw marks over your body, marking you as his.

You felt your eyes roll back ages ago, and your mouth was left wide open (much to Beej’s glee) as loud grunts, moans and noises that would make a pornstar blush left your throat. You could feel your cheeks and chin slowly become wet with your drool, your blissed-out face not wanting to do anything more than just let Beetlejuice use you the way he wants.

You couldn’t see the demon’s face, however. How his grin widens the louder you become. Still, you were docile. And it was getting kinda dull for him. He snaps his hips forward before grinding in to make sure he is as deep in you as possible before he speaks. “Y/N.” Your eyes snap to look at him to show him you’re listening. “Wake up.”

It was like your body had been removed from a frozen lake. Ice cold shock overtakes your system as your brain clears for the first time in what feels like centuries. No matter how many times he did this, he still loved how your grip on his dick tightens as you try to claw your way out. “Y/N, stop it.” He growls out when you try slapping him. “Shoulders and hands on the ground.” Your body obeys even though you are desperately telling it not to.

“Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beelt-” You gag on the final word and above you, Beej is livid, his hips moving at a harsher pace causing you to cry out as he slams against your cervix, causing your tummy to flip in protest as it bruises. You had discovered that calling his name three times would send him back, but before you even got a chance he conditioned you to never be able to say his name three times in a row. He was safe, but that didn’t make him less pissed.

“Oh, Y/N. Why do you always have to go ruining our fun?” He pinches at your hips harshly, causing you to yelp. Without his hypnosis, everything seemed to hurt tenfold. “Why can’t you just be a good little cumslut, hmm? You were moaning like a bitch in heat before, why don’t you go back to that?” You stiffen, waiting for the fog to return. When it becomes apparent it wasn’t an order, you try to relax so him bruising ever part of your pussy wouldn’t hurt as much, but instead, you stay stiff.

“You woke me up.” You snark. “Shoulda known it would have ended like this.” He sighs.

“Why don’t you just be Daddy’s good little girl and cum on his dick for him, hmm?” He asks. He really does want you to love him, and the idea of you willingly clenching his dick as you ride out your orgasm? Was intoxicating.

For him. Not for you.

You narrow your eyes and glare up at him. “No.” You barely had time to tell him you’d never cum on his disgusting cock when you see his eyes narrow, flashing red as his hair fades to match the same colour.

“Cum.” Was all that left his mouth.

“N-oooh.” Your body contorts as the heat that was simmering down the moment you woke up suddenly reignites and takes over your body, every cell feeling like it is on fire as your body pours slick all over Beej’s cock, still pounding inside of you. You can barely hold back your sigh of relief when your body starts to tremble with the final aftershocks. Maybe that’s all he wanted. Maybe you can relax now and just wait this ou-

“Cum.” Came his growl above you and you whine as your body repeats the process. It’s hot, too hot. “Cum.” It’s like electricity running through every cell of your body. “Cum.” And it hurts. “Cum.” So. “Cum.” Badly. “Cum.”

You’re screaming by this stage, voice broken and hoarse. Why did it always end like this, why did you always have to egg him on when you know it’ll end with him using his mind control bullshit to his advantage? That’s right. Because you’re an idiot.

You are sure you’re babbling nonsense at this point, trying to get back at him but mind refusing to come up with words as he chuckles darkly. “Don’t worry, little one. Even when you’re not under my influence, I’ll still do the thinking for you.”

You whine in protest as you feel the little grey cells of your brain begin to kick back up, just as you feel his hips begin to fall out of his rhythm, him groaning as he drops your legs to be either side of him. “Where do you want me to cum, Y/N?” He asks, Surely this is a trap. “C’mon babes, I haven’t got long.”

You really don’t want him cumming inside of you, but you’re afraid if you beg for him to pull out he will just empty inside of you out of spite. You had to play the game. “In me.” Your voice is confident that you’re going to win this particular round.

“I knew it, perfect little cumdump even when you’re in your own mind.” He growls before you feel him push into you once. Twice. Your stomach hits the ground when you realise. You’ve made a terrible mistake.

Once more, he grinds against you as you watch his head fall back, a content smile forming on his lips as he spills inside of you.

It’s cold. So, so cold. And it seemed to be never-ending.

You are fuming as you feel him continue to pump his cum inside of you, belly already beginning to swell. It didn’t work. “Why? All I want to know is why you think that I’d want this? Why you think that I deserve this….. this ...” You trail off, not even sure what the word for this was.

“Because I love you, and I know I’m the only one who could ever love you in the way you deserve.” He states as he finishes, pulling out and moving to stand. “Up, on your knees.” You feel yourself growl as your body complies even if your mind is screaming for it to stop as you settle in front of him, the mix of your and his cum starting to pool on the floor as your stomach begins to deflate.

“Love? You call this love? You don’t love me, you want to control me! You don’t even know what love is, and I sure as hell don’t love you!” You snap back, still unable to move from your position at his feet.

“Say that one more time and I’ll make sure you can never walk again.” He threatens lowly.

“You hurt me. On a daily basis. How can you say to me that I love you, that I consensually get off on what you do to m-” You go quiet at the sensation of him holding onto your chin firmly, hair and eyes a vivid red.

“You enjoy what I do to you.” He states. Of course, you do, why would you think otherwise. “Even when you’re not under my control, every touch, every word, every sensation, you enjoy it. It turns you on, it’s like electricity under your skin. No matter the time, or the place, you enjoy what I do to you.”

You feel the fog disappear and you glare up at him. “Let me go now or I’ll- hnnn.” Every thought process stops when he moves to touch your face, it felt like shocks were making your way down to your clit, your pussy clenching in delight. “What did you do to me, you sick bast- AH!” His hand goes to grab at your hair, pulling you up slightly, the shocks intensifying as you rock your hips to try and get some friction on your clit.

“Don’t make me hurt you.” Beej sighs when he sees you whimper when he removes his hand from your hair, remaining silent in an attempt to pacify him as you try to think of a way out. “I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.”

“I don’t think I agree with that trade-off.” You lock eyes with him. “Just, please? Let me go?” You can feel your head getting heavy, brain slowing the longer you stare at him, but you can’t seem to look away from Beetlejuice’s face. “Please, I won’t tell anyone, just let me go.” 

“Please what?” His mocking voice asks you as you feel your head grow heavier and heavier. Still, your eyes stay connected to his.

Your brain wracks for a second before the dopey smile returns to your face, mind returning to that comforting fog. “Please, Daddy? Please tell me how I can make you happy?”

[buddykins-blog]

And so the bell tolls

Based on a post by @seasinkarnadine about Adora's reaction to Catra getting hurt.

~~~

"pft is that all the great She-ra can do?" Catra smirked confidently at the tired warrior before her. They had been fighting in this battle for a while now, and her speed was wearing Adora down quickly.

The blonde hero wiped blood away from her eye, courtesy of of a cut above her eye that Catra gave her. "I don't want to fight you Catra, you're not going to win so just call off the attack." Adora huffed while leaning on the sword planted in the ground. She didn't have time to pull it out when Catra pounced at her again, but instead of attacking, the feline flipped into the air kicking down with force enough to drive the sword further into the ground.

"She-ra's nothing without that sword, right now even Kyle could probably beat you." She tisked at adora for losing her weapon. "Maybe if you were stronger you guys would have won by now." She poked Adora's forehead hard enough to tip her back.

"shut up!" Adora sent her arm sideways at her once best friend forceing her to jump off the sword. Her hands were quickly in it trying to pry it from the rocks as she grit her teeth, it was like it got cemented into the ground. Just as she felt a wiggle a small foot connected harshly to her side knocking the wind out of her.

She returned the favor kicking behind her feircly but not ever reaching the agile cat. "You're so slow too." Catra picked at her nails from just out of striking range. Once again Adora was back trying to free the sword, once again Catra refused to let her do so easily.

She-ra groaned with strain and power as she pumped energy into the hilt of the sword, if she couldn't pull it out of the rock she would blow them all away. Crack in the stone began forming with blue light spilling out around them as more and more energy bottled up in the blade. "Oh not so fast." Catra commented before jumping behind Adora attacking her unguarded sides.

"Enough!" She-ra's shout echoed with a boom of power as the sword and all it's energy exploded form the ground when she swung it at the niucense behind her. Rocks and debris along with the two fighters were blown away from the crater.

The last thing she could faintly hear were worried screams for both her and Catra before her eyes shut and the world disappeared around her.

It took her two days to wake up and almost ten more to recover her strength enough to leave the castle ground or to pick up her training again. "Is there any news on Catra?" She asked her friend during dinner one night.

"We haven't seen her in any of the Horde sightings recently. Good ridence, that mangy cat-" Glimmer responded coldly and harshly before Bow put a hand on her shoulder cutting her off.

"I'm sure she'll be back to bother us soon. I mean it took She-ra almost two weeks to heal right?" He said encouragingly know how worried Adora was for her friend, even though she would never admit to it.

His efforts paid off getting a smile from Adora, "you're right, let's enjoy it while we can." She said lying through the skin of her teeth trying to ignore the dread eating at her.

Their first mission since then was to deal with the robots roaming the whispering woods again. The three of them destroyed all but one robot and tied the last one down. "Entrapta I know you're in there! Tell me where's Catra!" Adora demanded banging on the robots camera.

A momentary static came from the machine. "Oh hey Adora, I'm not really supposed to talk to you guys. Sorry." She said before the robot began beeping "you might wanna back up a bit." She warned just in time; Adora jumped back as the bot exploded into fire and scraps.

"Adora, are you okay?" Her friends asked at her side helping her to her feet as she changed back into her own form. "Come on, let's go get cleaned up." Glimmer led the way back home not noticing Adora's empty gaze at the pile of robots.

The next week they intercepted a horde squad terrorizing Plumeria. She-ra was currently holding two of the goons up by their collars. "Tell me where Catra is!" She demanded pressing them against a wall. With no god answers she let go and let them slump to the floor. Her powers waivered and her sword was often some stupid weapon she didn't ask for it to be, she was loosing her grip on herself and thus her powers.

Bow put a supportive hand on her, "I'm sure she's just laying low for a while. You just need to relax okay? I mean you're not going to be able to best her with a pitcher are you?" He gestured to the 'weapon' in her hand.

"No. I guess your right." She had to focus hard to change it back before letting She-ra slip away as well. "I need to go speak with Light Hope, tell Glimmer I'm okay. You guys come get me if you hear anything okay?" She asked before heading to the first one's temple.

When she got there Light Hope had been expecting her for some time now, "are you ready to continue training? I can see your powers have become more out of control." She commented without being promoted.

"I know Light Hope, and that's exactly why I came to see you." Adora agreed with her for once. They started her training just like when they left off, until a familiar face stood in front of her. "Not with Catra." Her voice a low warning.

"Is she not still your greatest obstacle?" The hologram asked without showing herself.

"She's not an obstacle. She's my friend. Put in the robots or other soldiers I don't care, just not Catra." The blonde demanded near seething with anger at her teacher for doing things this way.

And for a long moment Light Hope was quiet. "Very well." In a shimmer Catra was gone and replaced with one of the Horde's more dangerous robots. With a sigh of relief Adora charged the fake robot, and for the next few hours she trained harder than ever before wanting to vent all the frustration, worry, and a mix of emotions she couldn't name.

Suddenly the training stopped before she had beaten the next robot. "Hey what gives?"

"You're friends are here with a horde soldier, should I let them in?" She inquired looking at something in the ceiling that Adora couldn't see.

"What? Yes! Let them in." The blonde hero ran to where she knew where the door would open to. Her eyes darted from Glimmer to Bow and then excitedly to- Kyle? "Wait Kyle? What? What are you doing here?"

"I heard form the returning soldiers you were looking for Catra?" He asked with worry clear in his tone.

Adora grabbed him by the shoulders needing desperately to know. "Where is she is she okay?" She paused to let him speak but he looked away "Kyle! Tell me where she is!" She squeezed his shoulder slightly, not out of threat but pure desperation.

Bow and Glimmer put their hands on her shoulders. "Adora... She's gone..." They broke the terrible news that made the world go silent.

"What? No! No! It's Catra! She cant- she can't be gone." Adora was backing away from them with a horrific look plastered on her face. The sword begining to glow and the room around them turned from blue to red.

"Adora you must calm down." Light Hope stepped closer to warn the hero, she could sense the power of She-ra building dangerously inside the girl, being stirred around with her waves of emotions.

"We tried to save her, but she just, she wasn't able to make it." The blonde boy said downcast. Sure she was mean at times but never cruel like others were to him "I'm sorry, Adora."

Energy and power began pouring out of the hero in her state of distress. She just kept muttering to herself about her lost friend and how this can't be real. "Light Hope stop this!" Adora turned on the projection seething with rage in her eyes. "If this is some sick game stop it! She brandished her glowing sword at her teacher.

"Adora this isn't fake... This is real... Catra's gone..." Bow confirmed looking down at the floor.

The air became so thick and heavy it was almost possible to breath. The crystal walls glowing a dangerous red and magic so dense it seemed to pool around the blonde. She screamed in pain, in rage, in anguish. "Adora!" Blinding light consumed her and everyone else exploding outwards erasing everything in it's path.

Now she was alone in the blackness that followed. There was nothing. No light, no dark, no pain and no joy. Simply nothing.

A silhouette began to form as another figure approached from the nothingness "Catra?" Her voice quivered with butterflies in her stomach and her heart bounding in her chest.

"Hey Adora."

~~~

Thanks again for letting me write this I had so much fun with this prompt!

[gogh-save-the-bees]

Fibromyalgia Masterpost

As someone who has struggled with severe chronic and pain fatigue for over a decade and have recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - I have decided to research my condition amd educate myself on my symptoms.

Fibromyalgia, also called fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS), is a long-term condition that causes pain all over the body. As well as widespread pain, people with fibromyalgia may also have: increased sensitivity to pain. fatigue (extreme tiredness) muscle stiffness.

Through my own research i have learned that many difficulties i have are directly linked to Fibromyalgia. There are over 200+ symptoms and while not everyone will expereince all of them, we experience our own combonation of debilitating symptoms.

With anything, education is key.

If you have fibromyalgia, have a family member or friend with the condition or would like to be more educated on the condition this post can help.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and do not claim to know everything about fibromyalgia. This post will not list everything so i urge you to do your own research. And if you have any of these symptoms, go to your doctor!

Symptoms (most common)

All over pain is the most common symptom of fibromyalgia but the syndrome causes many others. Extreme fatigue , trouble sleeping and feeling stiff and achy. Your ability to think and make decisions can be affected (this is known as fibro-fog).

As well as widespread pain, your muscles can be very tight and knotted. They can be painful to touch and they radiate pain to other areas - these firm knots are myofascial trigger points. (These knots are commonly used to diagnose fibromyalgia in a physical pressure point exam)

Other Symptoms

Cold feet and hands

Feeling cold often/feeling hot often

Heart palpitations

Craving carbohydrates

Symptoms worsened by temperature changes

Unexplained weight gain or loss

Joint pain

Feeling spaced out

Restless Leg Syndrome

Noise intolerance

Scalp Pain (like hair being pulled out)

Sensation that you might faint/ Syncope (fainting)

Tinnitus (ringing in one or both ears)

Photophobia (sensitivity to light)

“Growing” pains that don’t go away once you are done growing

Transposition (reversal) of numbers, words and/or letters when you speak

Difficulty with long-term memory/and short-term momory

Difficulty following conversation (especially if background noise present)

Difficulty expressing ideas in words

Blind spots in vision

Eye pain

Excessive sleeping

Difficulty falling asleep/ Difficulty staying asleep

Difficulty balancing

Vivid or disturbing dreams/nightmares

Sensitivity to the sun

Bruising easily

Sensory overload

Allodynia (hypersensitive to touch)

Menstrual problems

Suicidal thoughts

Irritability

Abrupt and/or unpredictable mood swings

Frequent crying

Diagnosis, Medical Help and Treatment

If you think you or someone you know has fibromyalgia go see your doctor. Tell them about your symptoms and explain that you think it might be fibromyalgia. Keep in mind that a diagnosis can take time and you have to be persistant and in many cases fight for your diagnosis!

Common treatment involves pain medication, anti-depressants, physiotherapy and therapy (CBT and pain managment).

Self Help

The most common coping technique for chronic pain is breathing exercises and meditation. Try the following,

Put yourself in a relaxed, reclined position in a dark/or low-light room. You can shut your eyes or focus on a point.

Begin to slow down your breathing. Breathe in deeply, using your chest. If you find your mind wandering or you are distracted, then think of a word, such as the word "Relax," and think it in time with your breathing...the syllable "re" as you breathe in and "lax" as you breathe out.

Do this for 2 to 3 minutes or until you feel relaxed.

Now that you feel yourself slowing down, you can try to use imagery techniques, like the ones below.

Positive imagery

Focus your attention on a pleasant place that you can imagine going to - the beach, mountains, a place where you feel safe and relaxed.

Positive self-talk

Encourage yourself and tell yourself: I can do this, I am strong and capable. Find a positive coping statement or affirmation that works for you (even if you don't believe it at first!). Write it down and memorise it for when you need it.

Counting

Counting is a good way to deal with painful episodes. You can count aloud or in your head. You can count breaths, the number of yellow items in your room, the floor tiles, or even visualise some sheep and count them!

Grounding techniques

Look around you, what do you see, hear, smell, sense? Say aloud (or in your head):

5 things you can see? 4 things that you can touch? 3 things you can feel? 2 thing you can smell?

It can also be helpful to use sensory items like plushies, fidgets, slime, and more! Anything that brings you comfort or joy or relaxation.

Pamper yourself

Do something you really enjoy, or do something relaxing like a bubble bath!

Mindfullness Box

Make a box of items that remind you to use the techniques that help, or put photos on paper, or write and decorate a list. (This box can be filled with items to help with depressive episodes)

The daily fight with fibromyalgia goes beyond pain management and fatigue and it's important to be educated on all aspects of the condition.(Especially if you or someone you care for has a diagnosis)

What are the facts

Fibromyalgia is a neurological illness and involves neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) that are also involved in some mental illness. This means that depression and anxiety are common overlapping conditions in fibromyalgia.

Stress is a major exacerbating factor in many, if not most, cases of fibromyalgia. It's suspected as a causal factor and known to make symptoms worse and cause flare-ups.

It is also believed that childhood trauma may alter the body's physiological stress response leading to illness later in life.

Looking after your mental health is just as important as physical treatments when treating fibromyalgia. (I should state that fibromyalgia is a chronic illness and that there is no cure for the condition.)

When it comes to fibromyalgia patients seeking mental health help it's not much different from someone without the condition seeking similar help.

The major difference would be around pain managment and the emotional distress that comes with daily pain and the inability to live a normal life. It's common for fibromyalgia sufferers to feel hopless/helpless and worthless alongsides feelings of frustration.

It is believed that depressive episodes, mood swings, suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts are all symptoms of fibromyalgia and it is very common for fibro-sufferes to struggle severly with poor mental health.

Treatments such as anti-depressants, anxiety medications and therapy are commonly suggested alongsides pain medications. Both help the other as stress and low mood decrease our ability to cope with pain.

Mental Health Techniques

Keep a mood diary

This will help you keep track of any changes in your mood, and you might find that you have more good days than you think. It can also help you notice if any activities, places or people make you feel better or worse.

Connect with people

A good support network will always be a good thing. Having people you can reach out to when in distress is a important part of recovery and having good mental health.

Take control

If the problem has a solution, make it happen! Don't let thoughts like "i cant do anything" hold you back as they only add to the problem. But,

Accept the things you can't change

Changing a difficult situation isn't always possible. Especially when you have a disability. Instead, try to concentrate on the things you do have control over.

Try to be positive

Look for the positives in life, and things for which you're grateful. Challenge thoughts like "I can't do this" or "there's no point" or anytype of thoughts which are negative and defeatist. They won't help, chuck them out!

TIP: Try writing down 3 things that went well, or for which you're grateful, at the end of every day.

Work smarter

What i mean is, some tasks are more important than other. As someone with a chronic illness it's not always, if at all possible to do more than one task a day. Often we are forced to choose between making food or cleaning and we have to learn to prioritise based on a number of factors. Don't feel bad when you can't do a lot or even anything, your pain and illness is valid and the last thing you need is to feel guilty about something you can't control.

If you have to choose between washing the dishes or preventing a flare up - your health wins everytime.

Diet, sleep and exercise...

It can be frustrating we all you hear is "you should exercise, eat healthy and have a good sleep routine..." and somehow people think that this will heal us. This is not the case.

Yes, a healthy diet, sleep schedule and light exercise is good for us but it's not as easy for us to achieve. There are many factors that make access to these difficult (poverty being the big one). But, lets ignore that for now (like everyone else does).

Okay, lets say we eat a healthy diet. We can't always follow a sleep routine because we have severe pain that is generally worse at night. We also struggle with other symptoms that are more prominant at night (restless leg syndrome, heat intolerence, twitching, nightmares...) that make getting to sleep and staying asleep very difficult. And, exercise is the hardest of them all. We cant go to the gym and get our sweat on. It's not in the cards. Every chronically ill person has been told to eat healthier, sleep better and exercise and it's not helpful. In fact, it only adds to our stress. If you don't know what you're talking about (e.g. you suffer from a similar chronic illness or are a medical professional) then shut up!

Excerise when you can. Don't excert yourself. Swimming is one of the best options. Eat as healthy as you can (but any food is better than nothing) and try your best to keep a sleep routine. But don't stress when these things arent possible, they won't cure you, they will only help you decrease your symptoms and make them more managable.

This has been a long post, congradulation on making it to the end! I hope this post has been educational and helpful in some way or another. Feel free, encouraged even, to reach out to me with any questions, i am happy to amswer any to the best of my ability. Please reblog this post so other fibromyalgia sufferes can have a read and add to the post if they wish.

I would also like to add that i am looking for fellow spoonies to follow on here and instagram (@gogh_save_the_bees) give me a follow and ill do that back!

[loserkusen]

A Change of Heart

It’s 20-BiTeen bitches!!! In celebration the girl in this fic is bi, like yours truly, cause representation matters and if you don’t like it block me. Anyways the anticipated Julian fic.

Oh yeees 😍 can you write a jealous Julian blurb ?♥️

Based off FACE by BROCKHAMPTON 🧡

Word Count: 2,179

She never though she’ll end up in the same position again. After how hard she had worked to convince herself that love wasn’t for her and that it was okay, she found herself stuck in the same spot as always. Wishing she hadn’t started anything to begin with.

(Y/N) had been seeing Julian for a couple of months now. Due to the amount of men and women that had broken her heart, she hated admitting the feelings he evoked in her. The deep connection they had formed was nothing she had felt before which exited her, but made her fearful of the unknown emotions. So she remained guarded and made their relationship as informal as possible. No titles. No commitments. Simply two people getting along and having casual sex.

What she didn’t expect was for her to be sitting in Julian’s kitchen at 2am debating whether to return to bed with the boy she was falling for or to gather her belongings as quickly as possible and walk away from him like she had done many times before. She always felt horrible after the latter, but it was the only thing she could think of doing whenever she laid wrapped up in his arms wondering how she was going to save herself the heartbreak this time.

The sudden hand on her waist startled her causing her to jump off the kitchen stool. Luckily, the familiar arms held her up saving her the pain and embarrassment of hitting the floor.

"What are you doing up right now?" He held her closer, his feathery hair brushing against her cheek.

"I um- I couldn't sleep" she sat back down turning in the seat to face him. His sleep clouded face and shirtless body stood illuminated by the dim light peaking in through the windows. "I have a headache and was wondering if you had pain killers. I thought they'll be in the kitchen, but I couldn't find them."

"They're in the bathroom angel. You should've asked me."

“I didn’t want to wake you.” Your gaze diverted away from him. Doing anything to avoid his eyes hoping he wouldn't see your watery ones.

"You okay?" He stepped closer, his fingers caressing your cheek as he lifted your chin. Silence followed his words. She wasn't. She was quickly realizing she was far from okay. Falling for someone who seemed too good for her. Unable to accept the possibly that he could be the one exception. Slowly slipping into a state she promised she would never come close to again.

"I'm just tired Julian." He starred into her eyes for a moment before nodding and reaching for her hand. She followed him back to his room, silently getting under the covers as he searched his bathroom cabinet for the pills. Julian returned with a glass of water and a crewneck sweatshirt too.

"You should put this on. Being cold is probably going to make it worse." You pulled on his soft sweater which happened to smell like his favorite cologne. The familiar scent worked to calm you down and soon enough your stress induced headache settled down. Not much later, you felt Julian's grip on your waist tightening. His arm pulling you close to his chest was becoming a routine whenever you slept over. He held on throughout the night up until the morning. Almost as if trying to make you stay forever.

The next morning, Julian was awakened by the sound of your feet shuffling around his room. He took a deep breath not wanting to open his eyes and see you rushing to leave him once again. His sad reality hit him at the feeling of the empty spot next to him on the bed. Hesitantly, he sat up catching your attention from across the room.

"Hey Julian." She looked caught off guard as she stumbled trying to step into her boots as quickly as possible. "I didn't think you'll be up this early." She looked tense. The quiet room heightened her uneasiness as Julian remained quiet simply gazing at her. It took a couple of minutes for Julian to break the dense silence eating away at both of them.

"Do you have to leave?" His voice was faint making her feel worse for trying to leave unnoticed once again. She turned around searching for her bag trying to avoid his stare. The truth was, she did have to leave. She had to leave before she did something she regretted. Running away from him temporarily allowed her to breathe. She felt like one more moment with him would reveal the inescapable fact she had been trying to avoid for months now; she was in love with him. She was afraid her brain would win over her heart and she'll break whatever relationship they had out of fear of being mistreated again. Julian had stood up now. His hair laid flat against his forehead and various purple marks scattered around his neck. "We could go get breakfast if you want. I would cook for you, but that wouldn't be really smart." He tried to ease the tension sensing your anxious state.

"I actually promised Rachel she could meet me at my place this morning." You turned around finding him closer to you than before. "I'm probably running late at this point." Your hands searched through your bag making sure you weren’t leaving anything behind. His hand reached forward lifting your chin while his other arm wrapped around your waist. Slowly, he leaned in, his lips just hoovering over yours. unable to resist the urge, you leaned forward pressing your lips to his. He pulled you closer, the kiss quickly escalating. After a minute that felt simultaneously like just a second and an eternity, he pulled back but remained close to you.

"Why cant you just stay? At least one time." He stood over you, his eyes trying to read the true emotions hiding behind yours. You stood quietly allowing yourself to lean into his touch. "You always leave (Y/N). I don't understand why." The frustration in his calm voice pulled at your heartstrings.

"Julian I have to go. I'm not doing this right now." You turned on your heel making your way out of his room and straight towards his front door. It was impossible to stop the tears as you walked outside towards your car. Knowing Julian wouldn't follow you, you remained inside your car taking deep breaths to calm your heavy breathing before starting the car on your way to your house.

"I don't know what to do Rachel!" You had been arguing with your best friend over your situation for over an hour at this point. It was all pointless. The conversation just kept going in circles.

"Just admit that you're in love with him and let him know! He wants you (Y/N). I don't understand how you can't see that." She sat on your couch nonchalantly causing your irritation to rise.

"You just don't understand Rachel. How many times did someone else seem to want me before? And how many times did that not end up with me crying over them to you?" You ran your hands through your hair in utter exasperation at the inability to do anything to help yourself. "I don't want to get hurt again. I promised this wouldn't happen to me again, Rachel."

"Just give him a chance (Y/N). He's Julian! Not some trashy guy I warned you about before. He's just as fucked over by the fact that you're not together yet as you are." Tears you thought you couldn't have anymore began to stream down your face again for what seemed like the hundredth time in just a couple hours. "Come here." You slowly walked to your best friend who sat waiting with open arms. You buried your face into her neck silently letting it all out. She knew how much this was hurting you even if you were the only one overthinking the situation. You sat with her for a couple minutes, her hand soothingly running up and down your back. The quiet moment was interrupted by the front door opening revealing a distressed Julian who just stared at the both of you. Quickly you wiped your tears standing up feeling the lump in your throat returning.

"Julian, what are you doing here?" The tension you felt before had returned, only this time it was worse. You saw Rachel shifting behind you probably just uncomfortable as you were.

"I wanted to talk to you. I didn't know I was intruding I'm sorry. I'll leave." His voice was higher than normal hinting that he was trying his hardest to hold back. You stayed quiet simply staring back at Julian who still stood in your living room despite his words.

"You're not intruding. I was about to go." Rachel broke the silence quickly grabbing her phone and walking out the house before you could stop her. Julian remained quiet even with Rachel gone which left you no other option but to start the inevitable conversation you had been dreading.

"What do you want to talk about Julian." You sat back down hoping he would follow.

"You know why I'm here (Y/N)." Tip toeing around the subject wasn't going to help either of you.

"Don't be ambiguous Julian. Please get to the point." He took a deep breath before unleashing everything he had been holding in.

“What are you waiting for?” His words instantly jab at your heart. “Do you just want to sleep around with me for eternity? Do you just want someone to not be alone?” You kept quiet knowing he had every right to complain. “What do you want us to be?” He turned his body towards you now hoping to get a response from you.

"It’s not that easy, Julian.” You knew that's not what he wanted to hear, but that was sadly the only thing you could come up with without completely breaking down.

“Do you even really want to be with me? Do you want to be with somebody else? Do you want to be with Rachel?” The comment instantly caused you to snap your head towards him.

“What are you talking about?” Out of everything he could have said this was the last thing you could've thought about.

“I just don’t understand what you want! We spend every second possible together. We talk about everything. And no matter how much closer I think I get to you, you always walk away. You walk back to her. And if that's what you want, then that's okay. Just tell me. Talk to me. Don't ignore whats going on.” You shook your head not knowing how to express every single thought that was currently running through your mind.

"Julian it is definitely not what you think. I don't want to be with Rachel. She's just my best friend and the only one I've been able to talk to about this whole mess. She's not part of it." You instantly shut down his suspicion moving on to the painful part. "And I don't blame you, okay? Not even I know what I want at this point." The tears unwillingly resurfaced. "I just want to be happy." You gave up all composure you had, immediately slumping forward dropping your face into your hands. Not two seconds passed before Julian was next to you holding you close to him.

"I'm sorry." You shook your head.

"No Julian. This isn't on you. It's on me. We're in this mess because I don't trust myself to be in a relationship again. Every time I try, everything goes wrong. I don't want that again." You finally looked up to see him. His eyes soft and empathetic. “You have no idea how many times I’ve been fucked over Julian. How many times I’ve been lied to.”

“I would never lie to you.” You smiled reaching for his hand, squeezing it softly.

"I know. And that's why I don't want to fuck this up for us." Julian pulled his hand back placing both of them on your shoulders now.

"Listen. I know people have treated you wrong, okay? I can see it. You’re hurt. You don’t trust that we'll work out. You don't believe I can love you. But you’re wrong this time, baby.” He smiled looking at you wishfully. "You're completely wrong."

“I’m being cautious Julian.” The more he spoke the less your argument seemed valid.

“You’re being cautious with the wrong person. I just want to love you." You sat up moving towards him now, his arms instantly on your waist pulling you onto his lap. He pressed kisses against your face as he held you tightly. You held his cheek, your fingers ghosting over the light stubble, as Julian moved forward capturing your lips in a gentle kiss.

"Good thing I already love you, Julian." You felt his lips forming a smile as you mumbled the words into the kiss.

"I know you do." He pressed his lips against yours once more. "Because I do too."

[taki118]

How I’d do a new God’s movie

So DC has confirmed a New Gods movie, my one real hope is it doesnt get caught in devlopment hell. But this is my rough idea of what should happen. It’s rough but I think it hits the beats it needs.  (Please ignore my misspelling names)

Ok we open it’s the dead of night you can barely see anything but you hear a boy panting and we see it’s a young Scott running slowly we hear alarms and guards yelling and realize this boy is in a prison we get some shots of him like counting corridors showing he’s done this before and is memorizing the layout and have some parkour and acrobatics displayed. He stumbles a few times showing he’s tired but has to keep moving then he hears a voice cry out 

 “I’m sorry I’m sorry granny I’ll behave please please it hurts” 

Scott stops for a second it’s down the wrong way he almost runs away from the screams but in the end runs towards it. Scott finds a girl strung up against a wall crying out in agony Scott knows this room and what’s happening he takes a bit of food and water out of his pack and gives it to her saying 

 “I can’t pick the lock but you’ll get be out soon just stay strong a few more days” She can’t say  more than “why?” Before Scott runs again the guards gaining on him he makes it out and with how recoil at the light smiling in relief as we pan out to the hellscape that is apokopis before he’s dragged back in violently by guards 

 We cut to Scott in a cell battered and bruised and a soothing voice calls “Why do you keep doing this to yourself my boy? You won’t always get off  Scott Free like this” Scott and granny back and forth about his escapes until Scott snaps “I WILL ESCAPE I WILL GET OFF THIS PLANET AND WHEN I GET TO NEW GENISIS” granny smacks him silent the the kind tone dropped stating to the guards he has yet to learn his lesson offering a threat of a new education tool

So we jump forward Scott is an adult and working for darksied he’s giving a report to his father with a pleased granny looking on she thinks she’s won. 

 We get some shots of the inside of darksieds fortress and the cruelty that takes place there. Scott gets out on a mission to retrieve the final part of the anti life equation but doesn’t take it seriously believing it another wild goose chase but it isn’t this snaps Scott

He rembers his promise to his younger self pretends the mission was a failure  and tries to secure a mother box for himself to get off apolkolips undetected cause he knows the second darksied has this it means the end to everything 

 He makes his way through apokolpis and gets a broken mother box it’s faulty but darksied won’t know. He tries to fix it but is found out before he’s done and uses it landing not on new genesis but earth yet Scott can’t see the difference to him it’s heaven.

Scott marvels at the blue sky, the green grass and people walking around without a care.  He wanders the area trying to find someone to give the equation to but obviously he’s met with stares the police try to apprehend him but a man comes to his assistance telling them he’s a method actor.

Scott is confused no one has ever helped him before the man introduces himself as oberon and says something like "You know most people say Thank You when someone sticks their next out to help" to which scott replies "Oh um thank you" and "is this New genisis?" and suddenly it hits Oberon this guy aint from earth

Oberon takes Scott to his home a failing theater where they eat on the stage. Scott eats like he's never had food before and it kinda grosses oberon out. Oberon summarizes what Scott has told him in a he cant really believe this is happening to him sort of way.

Scott says he can't get to New Genisis until he can fix the mother box which was damaged even more in the trip. Oberon offers Scott a place to stay with him but he aint a charity worker and scott will have to help him out. Again scott is confused and aks why oberon is doing this he replies simply "Looks like you could use some help is all"

meanwhile back on apkolpis they have found a way to track scott Granny sends her most ruthless and devoted charge head of the female furies Big Barda to find Scott. She accepts with bravado and lands in the same city scott she too is confounded by earth.

Scott helps oberon with up keep to the theatre but he can barely get a crowd in  i would 100% have him make a crack like "You know not even 10 years ago this place got THE Giovanni Zatara now it cant even get his daughter"

While Scott tries to help oberon and fix his mother box Barda has accidentally been becoming a hero. Oberon and Scott bond more while watching tv and oberon essientally gives Scott the talk (like he sees a couple on tv being affectionate  and asks what they're doing and why and oberon goes "its you know nice gives comfort and stuff") 

Eventually scott stumbles on an old straight jacket and asks what it is Oberon happily exclaims it belonged to Mister Miracle an escape artist and headliner at the theater he puts it on Scott when he turns his back to look for an old sign to show scott has already disposed of it. Obero gets an idea.

Barda is having trouble tracking scott down and is having a bit of an identity crisis doubting she even wants to go back, then she shes an advertizment for a familiar face. Mister Miracle has booked a full house as scott entertains with his skills after the show when the pair celebrates. Barda arrives and fight ensues. Eventually with the assitance of Oberon Scott gets the upper hand trapping Barda

Scott ponders what to do with barda while oberon is away. he says  "Every voice in my head says I should kill you"  she replies "So why don't you?" he can't answer. 

The pair begin to talk about this strange planet when news of her "heroics" shows up on the news. Eventually scott offers Barda food. And it hits her 

"It was you." she reminds him of the time he helped her during one of his escape attempts. She asks "Why? All these years and I could never understand why you did that?" Scott thinks for a moment and says "I just couldn't ignore your pain."

Soon enough Barda agrees that darksied can't get the equation. she agrees to use her mother box to take them to new genisis. Scott is excited but finds he doesnt want to leave and has a heart to heart with oberon who says 

"he never expected to have an alien as a friend"  Scott says "I've never had a friend" "Well i'm glad to be your first."

They arrive on new genisis its everything apoklpis isnt its bright, clean, organized, sterile and cold. Its nothing scott imaged it'd be. he and barda make their way to high fathers castle where he explains the treaty he and darksied had made and that scott is his true son. Scott is distressed by this and begins to wonder if he should give the equation over to a man who would willingly allow darkseid to exisits.

he talks with barda about their shared experiences. tentaively scott interocks his hand with bardas she asks what hes doing? 

"Something they do on earth to give comfort, is it working?" "Yeah i think it is"  They dont get to enjoy this long as apokoliptan ships are seen in the distance.

A battle ensues and before scott gets caputred barda sends him off with her mother box smiling sadly as he calls out to her. Held captive by her former allies and mentor Barda tells them she wont break.  

Alone scott realizes he's done running and travels back to apokolips he sneaks about using his knowledge of the place to cause havok confusing darksieds generals. Soon he manages to save Barda who does the same by letting loose some of darksieds most uncontrollable monsters.

Scott confronts granny with barda and offers her the equation in exchange for their freedom. Granny thinks she has the upperhand and takes the deal. What she doesn't know is scott took another part of the equation they already had with him. by the time the realize what he's done they're gone leaving darkseid to smirk stating "That one always had the greatest potential"

Barda and Scott now live on Earth with Oberon  as the New Gods of earth. The movie ends with them watching news feed of Justice League fighting. Barda states "They look like they could use some help." Scott replies "Why not?"

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Common, Regular, Ordinary (Jungkook x You x Taehyung ONESHOT)

A/N: Hello @you-need-namjesus Thankyou for your request. I am sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be feeling like you do right now and I might not know you are or know what you are going through but there's always gonna be sunshine after a storm. Im glad you find my writing to be helping you through the rough times, as so many other writers has done for me. If you ever feel the need to talk or rant, feel free to slide into my DM or ask box. I can talk to you about the seriousness of things to the silliest of topics 😊. You can even go anonymously if you prefer. I want to be here for you. And I want you to remember you are not alone. 😘

And I hope this story fits your request and please enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

Y/N pulled her mask to secure it around her face and adjust her black trench coat around her body. Its going to be a long day today, she can already feel it.

"You ready?" She smile behind the mask and nodded her head to the girl next to her, her most loyal assistant and pushed her sunglasses on.

"Lets go," the assistant ushered her out. Y/N takes a deep breath and steps out from her private plane. She secretly thanked god for the invention of private planes, or else she wont know how her tired body is ever going to able to cope. She's been basically living on air and airport to airport for the last six months with her hectic schedule thats being planned for all around the world. Looking back, its funny how just a few years back she have to save up all her money for months just for an economy ticket to Jeju and now she owns not one but two private jets and have a whole entourage walking out behind her. She walks out and lifted her head to sniff the fresh air that smells so familiar and she badly missed.

She's finally back home.

After five most tiring years of her life, shes back.

Shes finally back after she swore to herself five years ago that she wont ever step her foot in her home country ever again before she made it big.

She work night and day to achieve that dream, believing and knowing that someday she will be able to fly home again.

They start walking into the airport and she can already hear the faint screams of her fans. Barriers are already set up along the walkway from her plane to the car and security dressed in black lined up, ready to protect her if need be. Once the main arrival door opened, the screams got so loud and the crowd was overwhelming. She took in her surrounding and saw the whole airport is deck out with her fans, screaming and shouting her name, she felt bad for the other people who is unfortunate enough to fly out at this airport today. She look around and some fans are even crying, some are holding cardboard cards with her name on it and shoving flowers and gifts towards her, which her assistants happily accepted on her behalf. Her managers used to tell her that its dangerous to get close to the fans just to accept their gifts, but Y/N insisted that they do. The fans worked hard to make or buy the gifts, especially for her. The least she could do for these people who made her who she is today is to accept it with a smile and an open heart.

Afterall, without them, L/N Y/N is just another ordinary girl from a small little town.

Ordinary.

Regular. Common.

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's overside shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me,"

Y/N shakes her head to clear the painful memory from her mind and picked up her pace to get to the car faster. She only just landed and she already feeling extremely exhausted, wanting nothing more than to get into the hotel and rest her tired mind away as fast as she could.

/////

"You have this first week free Y/N, before the landslide of schedule comes in. What do you want to do?" Meen A smile at her. Meen A is one of her oldest assistant. She was with her when she was just a young, naive, ordinary girl, and with the years they have spend together, she quickly become her best friend rather than her assistant. "Shopping? Spa? Facial? Walking around? Or just sleeping?" she chuckles. Y/N giggle. Sleeping does sound tempting. She rarely have enough time to sleep as it is. But... she has another exciting plan to execute.

"Do you even have to ask?" They look at each other before squealing at the same time.

"Food!"

/////

They walked along the busy street hand in hand, Y/N wrapped in her masked, coat and scraf, sunglasses donning her face to conceal her identity.

"Do you really think people wont recognize you with this silly getup?" Meen A eyes her before looking at the people walking who are already whispering.

"They wont! Im not that well known! Besides, they are just looking because who wear black clothes that covers almost everything in the middle of summer," Meen A rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding me? You are currently the world No 1 celebrity! You are the most sought after multi talented singer, composer, actress, director, entrepeneur, model, fashion icon and girl next door rolled in one!" She exclaimed. "You hang out with Taylor Swift! You walk the runway with Kendall Jenner! Tyra Banks invited you to tea and Drake to his album launch! Even Justin Bieber tried to make a move on you. I cant barely keep up with your social calendar. Everybody wants to be you or be with you! How is that not considered a No 1 celebrity?"

"Stop exaggareting! They are just my friends! I'm not all that and you know it,"

"No. You stop being so humble! You are all that and you know it" Meen A huffed in frustration, as she always does whenever they have this conversation, making Y/N smile. "I think you are the only celebrity in this world who didnt let all your fame and riches get over you head. You are really great. But I always wonder why,"

"There's a special someone that I once met and there's just something that he told me that stays in my heart. His words hit me hard and after all these years, I believe he has a point," Y/N smile softly at the memory.  "And I want nothing more than to just be an ordinary girl,"

Her mind drifted back to the day he met that particular stranger. The day that mark the changing of the rest of her life for good.

/////

"Lets eat here! Its secluded and not many people around. Also, I heard they served the best food here!" Meen A pulled her hand into a restaurant and they took a table at a back corner. This restaurant was said to be popular among celebrities and is often frequented by them.

"Oh my god. Isnt that-" Meen A gasps in excitement when they make their way to the back table, making Y/N raised her head from shoving her mask and sunglass inside her bag and look at what is making her friend so happy. She looks up to find seven pair of eyes with a table filled with food, all looking at the two of them. She was confused as her eyes roamed to each and every one of them.

Who are they? Are they someone well known too?

Y/N doesnt really update herself about the celebrities and the music industry in her home country. Not because she thinks she's too good for them. No, not at all. Its because she didnt want to know about a certain someone. She doesnt want to know anything at all.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

And that certain someone is looking straight back at her as her eyes falls on the seventh person on the table.

"-Bangtan!" Meen A squeal.

Y/N automatically starts to panic as she tries to grabs Meen A, dragging her out from there, surpising her friend who was too caught up with the shocmed of finally meeting her favorite idol.

Jungkook quickly rise from his seat the moment her eyes catches his. The eyes that is so familiar, too familiar. The eyes that he has been looking for for the past five years. Seeing how panic she is and how she started to reached out for her friend and make her exit immediately, Jungkook rushed over and grabbed her hand, the rest of his hyungs watching in confusion and amazement.

What is going on?

"Y/N! Wait. Please. Plesase I'm begging you. Wait," he pleads, but Y/N maintained her head looking at the ground, her body slightly shaking and Jungkook realized she is crying. Meen A finally snapped herself out from the shocked and held onto Jungkook's arm that's holding her hand.

"Sir... I think its best you let her go,"

"No," Jungkook shakes her head, frowning and desperate. "I cant. I wont be able to see her again. Please Y/N. Look at me. Talk to me," he turned towards Y/N and beg. Meen A sense the distress her friend is feeling and her hold on Jungkook's arm tighten.

"You have to let her go. Now. Or else I have no other choice but to call Miss Y/N's security team,"

"No. No. There is no need for that," Namjoon is immediately by their side, smiling his dimpled smile at Meen A. "Im sorry. I dont know what is going on with our maknae. But we will let her go now. Jungkook, let go of her hand," his voice is filled with dominance that Jungkook shakes a little. Its rare to see Namjoon like this. Only during times when he knew he had screwed up big times. And apparently today is one of the time.

"Now, Jungkook,"

"But hyung..."

Y/N's body shakes even more although she kept her head low and turned, not wanting to see even a strand of hair that belongs to Jungkook. Everything about him hurts her and reminds her of the heart break she felt that she had never really recovered from. Meen A began to worry. Y/N is slowly starting to go into hyperventilation.

How does she know Bangtan? She never speak of them before? And what makes her so scared of the maknae? So many questions filled Meen A mind but her hand is quicker as she dialled the other manager who is with the car. Y/N might think that she is able to walk freely, but little did she know that with her mega celebrity status, her manager and security team is always only a few step behind, hidden, whenever she goes out.

Specifically for an emergency occasion like this.

"Kookie... I think you should let go okay. We promise we will get to see her again," Taehyung stood up and try to persuade the determined maknae. He dont know who Jungkook is clinging on to but it seems that the girl is trying her very best to get away from him.

"How do you know hyung? I...I," Jungkook's eyes are already glazed with unshed tears. He cant let go. Not now, when he finally gets her back.

"I know... uh because we will contact this Miss and we will meet them again!" Namjoon quickly came out with something and look at Meen A for help, who nodded her agreement quickly.

"Here is my card. Call me and make an appointment to see Miss Y/N. But for now, please let her go," she tugged on Jungkook's hand who finally lets go. Y/N immediately ran out of the restaurant before Jungkook could say anything.

"Uh thank you. Just... call. If you need anything," Meen A ran out immediately only to find Y/N collapsed on the sidewalk not far fron the restaurant, crying her eyes out.

Oh, Y/N. What happened to you?

"What the hell was that Kook?!" Namjoon yelled at him the moment Y/N and Meen A ran out of the restaurant. "You cant just grab random people like that!"

"Yeah, especially girls who look deathly afraid of you," Yoongi added from the table.

"She's not a random girl..." Jungkook managed to meekly defend himself.

"Yes. She is definitely not random. She's L/N Y/N, the mega superstar. She could sue us and Tae would have to sell every Gucci he owns to pay for it, and that still wont be enough! What are you thinking Kookie?" Hoseok yelled out from across the table.

"Shit. That's the Y/N?" Namjoon turned to Hoseok who nodded. Just realizing with whom they just encountered. "I didnt get to see her face clearly just now,"

"She's not just Y/N to me..." Jungkook explained, head bowed down to the table. The rest of his hyungs looks at him curiously. "She's my first love,"

"What?!"

The rest of the boys starts to bombared him with questions. Demanding the maknae to explain everything that happened between him and Y/N.

During the commotion, they didnt realized that there is someone who is still repeating the recent event in his head, throughly trying to memorize the face that she tried to hide from them. Taehyung is still staring at the door where Y/N just ran out from, his mind spinning, lost in thoughts.

Why does it feel like I have known her before?

/////

"Are you okay? What happened back there?" Meen A turned her body to face her friend who is now wrapped in a blanket curled up in a ball on her bed. It took her a while to dragged Y/N from the sidewalk and coaxed her to stop crying, before the by standers who started to give them weird looks recognized who she is. Y/N was short on breath and panicking the whole time and Meen A was worried to death. She had never seen her like this. Not even before one of her biggest performace. She was always calm, happy and all smiles.

What does Jeon Jungkook have, or possibly did, that could possibly make her like this?

"Y/N? Dont you want to tell me?" She asks softly, as she slides into bed beside her, hands carressing her hair. "I have never seen you like this. Im worried. Can you please tell me what happened?" She tries again and is still met with silenced. Meen A takes a deep breath and reluctantly asks the question that she knew could trigger her best friend.

"Is it... something to do with Jeon Jungkook?

At the sound of his name Y/N turned around and hug her tight, tears wetting her tshirt as she starts to cry again. Meen A just hugged her back and wait until she calms down. Whatever happened between them must have broken her into pieces.

"He... he," she tried to spit out the words between sobs. "He... Jung...Jungkook... is my first love,"

"What?" Meen A's eyes widen. How come she didnt know about this? Y/N was in a relationship with a member of such a well known group? "What happen then Y/N? You can tell me..."

"He broke my heart Meen A," she raised her head and stare straight into her eyes. She can see the hurt and pain in Y/N's eyes so vivid and clear, it gives chills down to her spine. "He broke my heart and changed my life forever,"

People say that being a teenager in love is the best feeling in the world, and Y/N couldnt agree more. She was only 15 when she and Jungkook got together. After countless exchange of shy smiles and late night texts, Jungkook finally found his courage and ask her to be his under a starless sky.Their relationship was strong and happy, even when Jungkook was accepted as a trainee, nothing seem to change for them.

"Nothing will change. I promise. Maybe I wont be able to see you or call you as much as before, but I love you Y/N, wait for me. I will come back for you and make you proud," was the promise Jungkook made her and the promise that she strongly held on too. True to his promise, Jungkook never forgets her, he still comes home to see her whenever he could, spending sleepless nights kissing and holding each other tight.

The success came to Jungkook and his group like rapid fire the moment they debuted, and soon enough his schedule was packed to the brim. Y/N maintained her ordinary life as an ordinary teenager, getting a placed in one of the country top university give her the opportunity to move to town and be closer to Jungkook. Their relationship, although always comes second to Jungkook's career, is still filled with loved and happiness. Y/N was too drunk in love and consumed with happiness that she doesnt care that Jungkook has to hide their relationship, or the fact that he barely has time for her. She thought they would last forever. She thought his love for her would be enough to last them till eternity.

But everything change one fateful day.

She hasnt seen him for months since he was on tour, a normal occurance when you are dating a celebrity. What's not normal is Jungkook seems to call her less, replied to her text less and doesnt seem too excited to hear her voice whenever she managed to call him. She shrugged it off as exhaustion and think nothing of it. They have been together for so long, its already his fourth year after debut. There couldnt possibly be anything wrong right?

"Kookie!" She jumped on him for a kiss the moment he entered but he dodged her, making her confused for a moment before shrugging it off. Maybe he is just tired. They havent seen one another for months now and he is finally back from tour! She miss him so much. "Where's your luggage?" She looks behind him to see nothing.

"I..ah left it at the dorm," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why? You are not staying over tonight?"

"Listen... about that. I have to tell you something," he held her hand and lead her to the couch. They sat with their body turned to faced each other.

"What's wrong Kookie? Did something happen? Is everyone okay?" Jungkook just look at her face. The face he knows he's going to miss so much after today.

"Everyone's alright," he answered softly. "Y/N... you know how much recognition Bangtan is getting now right?" She nodded and smile. She couldnt hide how happy and proud she is for him, although nobody knows her relation with the maknae.

"And you know how our every move is being watch right?"

"Yes..." Where is Jungkook going with this?

"I dont think we can hide our relationship anymore," Y/N's eyes widen and sparkle.

"Kookie, are you saying we should go public?" She squeals. "I can finally do boyfriend things with you! I had always wanted to go to the park and watch the city from the top of the ferris wheels with you!" That was her only wish. She didnt want to ride on Jungkook's popularity. She just wants to be in love and spend time with her boyfriend like everybody else does. That is the only thing she ever wanted from him.

"Urm... no Y/N.I'm sorry but that's not what I meant..." her face fell.

"Oh. Its okay Kookie," she let out a small smile. "Then what is it?"

"Listen... urmmm," Jungkook hesitates. "It wont be a problem if any one of us is caught dating. Our fans can accept that now," Y/N kept silent and focus on listening. "Who we are dating is going to be the problem,"

Y/N starts to feel anxious and felt her hear beats faster. What is he implying?

"What are you trying to say Jungkook?"

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's oversize shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"Y/N, stop. Please. That is not what I meant..." he grabbed her hand to stop her from covering herself from him. Maybe she wont believe him, but it pains him too to see her this way, hurt and on the brink of crying. But its just something he has to do.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me," The moment he said it, Jungkook regret it. That is not definitely how he wanted the words to come out.

"More suited?" Her voice cracked. Years they have been together, and her status as a normal girl is apparently more important to him than their feelings. Well, maybe its just her. Maybe Jungkook has lost all feelings for her after all those years he debuted. After all, he met thousands of beautiful celebrities that is 'more suited' for him.

"Y/N..."

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled. But who is she kidding? Jungkook has owned her heart from the moment she even know what love is, and now... he has broken it in every way possible.

"What. A. Fucking. Asshole!" Meen A is fuming with anger once Y/N finished her story. "Does he thinks he is all that?! He is just a singer and a dancer! I'm going to beat his ass up when I see him, that fucking asshole!" Y/N giggled at her friend between her tears.

"Its okay Meen A. It was five years ago. Its his life... I cant force him to love me,"

"But Y/N!" Meen A whined. "Why are you so nice?!" She huffed. "So... did you become this successful because you want to prove him wrong and make him eat his words? He must be crying seeing you now!"

Y/N giggled again. Meen A never fails to fascinates her. She shakes her head.

"Actually no. Contrary to that, its actually the opposite. I didnt want to know about anything in the industry anymore. I didnt update myself about anyone well know, mostly because it reminds me that I'm just ordinary, like Jungkook puts it, and also I didnt want to see him,"

"Then, what made you become... this?" Meen A motioned to her.

"I met a stranger one day. And that was the day my life changed forever," she smile.

She was crying as she finally found a bench in the quiet park. After months of being able to avoid hearing about any news regarding Jungkook, which is very hard since he is really popular, it finally come to her knowledge that Jungkook is now dating another maknae from a popular girl group. Her classmates has forcefully showed her the article, of course, not knowing the history she had with the said man and she cant help but feel her heart clenched at the sight of Jungkook happily kissing a pretty girl.

The girl is beautiful, and Y/N bet she is multi talented too. She is perfect for him. Special, wanted and definitely not ordinary.

"What are you crying for?" A voice from behind her startled her, only then she realized that someone has already occupied the bench that is placed back to back with hers. She turned her head and saw a man with a hat and masked secured on his face. She couldnt see his face clearly, but his piercing gaze is enough to fascinates her. However, there is a clear sadness in his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," she whispered back.

"If I tell you my story will you tell yours? I just need someone to talk to," Y/N contemplate for a moment and finally agreed to it. He is a stranger. She will never see him again anyway.

"My fan- urgh I mean my friends expected so much from me. I'm tired of it. I'm still just a normal man. Why cant they see that?"

"But... if they believed in you, doesnt that mean you are not just an average guy to start with? There must be something about you that makes them expect so much from you,"

"I guess... but... I dont like it,"

"Isnt that a great thing?" Y/N raised her eyebrows to the masked man. "To be loved? For people to think you are special? Capable of doing things? Not just someone normal and ordinary?"

"Not for me. I dont want people to see me as someone extra ordinary. I am not. I am just being me. This is who I am. Sometimes I wish that I could just blend in with others and not stand out so much,"

"You are really funny," she chuckles. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?"

"No. You are the funny one," he retorted and his sharp gaze look straight into her eyes. Y/N swear she has never seen a pair of eyes looks so beautiful. "Because in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to ordinary?"

"Wow... that's deep," Meen A exclaimed with her mouth wide open. "But still, what I dont get is how does that makes you want to be who you are now?"

"Well... after I went home that day, I started thinking and he was right. He made me feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary. You might think I become who I am today to prove a point, but no... I just want to send a message to everyone out there, that ordinary people can be and do anything they want too if they put their mind to it. Just because people see you as nothing special, that doesnt mean you are short on deserving anything,"

Meen A looks at her in awe. "You are really something Y/N,"

"I might be something... but I will never be enough for Jeon Jungkook," she smile sadly.

"Y/N... do you... perhaps still love him?" Y/N was silenced for a moment by the sudden question. Jeon Jungkook... Does she still loves him? Its a question that she herself is afraid to ask.

"I dont know Meen A. But all I know is that I could never hate him. He might break my heart to pieces... but he is also the one who taught me what love is..."

/////

Y/N is back.

Jungkook ran his hand across his face as he slide down on the floor. Its been a day since the incident at the restaurant and he is restless. He has been pressuring Namjoon to contact that girl who was supposed to set up an appointment with Y/N but Namjoon has been hesitating, saying he should clear his mind first. He doesnt need time to clear anything! He has been waiting to see her for five years and now she's finally home. He needs to see her now!

His last memory of her has haunt him for years and he needs to talk to her. Even for just a second.

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled.

Jungkook sat on the couchof her apartment after she left, not moving even an inch for hours as he still try to register the fact that he broke Y/N's heart. To say he fully regret what he did wont be true, since a part of him knows Y/N is really too normal to be with him. But he loves her, that much is true, and seeing her hurt is too much for him to bear. He shakes his head to get rid of the feeling and leave the apartment, turning around one last time to say goodbye to the years of memories he had with his first love.

A month passed and all sadness and regret seems to leave Jungkook's mind when he started a relationship with one of the other maknaes from a girl group. He finally got what he wanted. Being in a relationship with someone who is at the same level as him. Yurin is beautiful and talented, Jungkook loves everything about her. The only problem is that he dont feel in love with her.

The kisses are great, nights spend together are amazing but something just seems off. They talked about their music and live the same lifestyle, there is nothing wrong with their relationship at all. But... she's not Y/N.

As time passes by, Jungkook starts to miss the ordinary things that Y/N do. He misses the days when she would talk about her classes, telling him things that he didnt get to experienced as a college students. He misses her stories of working at a student's cafe and how some days she has to starve herself with only instant noodle when the funds ran low. All he ever talk about with Yurin is the new comeback, which designer to wear to the award show and which expensive restaurant they should try next. There is nothing wrong with all that, really, but its the exact same life he's living. He already know all that. He dont need someone else to talk to him about it.

Jungkook only realized too late then, that Y/N being an ordinary girl is what makes their relationship works. They were the opposite, she is e eeythung he is not, and thats why she completes him.

He shouldnt care about what the society demand from him. Y/N didnt, he shouldnt have either. But its all too late when he found out Y/N is no longer living in her apartment or studying in the same college. She's gone and he didnt know where else to find her.

Until he sees her face on an international interview while he's channel surfing on one boring afternoon. Y/N still looks like the Y/N he knows. Beautiful, sweet, her innocent laugh filled the screen. But the way she talked, dressed and interact with the interviewer, amazed him. Jungkook cant take his eyes off her and continue to watch the show until the end. He learned then that Y/N has become an international sensation, a newly debuted singer/songwriter who is also on her way in making a name in the filming and modeling industry.

Y/N has become a mix of everything he had ever wanted.

And he has been trying to find a way to see her again ever since.

"Hey Kookie," Taehyung entered the practice room and slide down on the floor besides him. "Are you okay? You dont seem so well since what happened yesterday,"

"I am not okay hyung," Jungkook turned to faced Taehyung, face etched with sadness. "Y/N... I need to see her but Namjoon hyung is not letting me," Taehyung kept quiet and nibbled on his bottom lips, thinking.

"Kookie... I know you told us she is your first love. But if you dont mind... what happened to the two of you?" Taehyung is really curious about this Y/N girl and the only person who seems to know her personally is Jungkook. "She seems... terrified of you yesterday,"

Jungkook looked hurt by Taehyung's words. He already know that. When he dreamt about seeing Y/N again, he didnt think that she would hate him that much. Its as if she is scared of him. Scared that he will hurt her again. She dont even want to look at his face yesterday. That feeling... the feeling when someone you love is afraid of you, hates you, not even want to look at you... hurts, and Jungkook dont ever want to feel anything like that anymore.

"I... I break her heart into pieces hyung," Jungkook pushed all his pride aside and finally opened up to Taehyung about everything. When he finished his story with a sob, Taehyung was speechless.

"So you are saying... you two were dating during the years we all live together?!" Taehyung exclaimed. How is it possible that none of the boys found out the maknae is dating? "How did you managed to hide a girlfriend that well?"

"Really hyung? That's what important to you right now?" Jungkook give him the stink eye and he chuckle.

"Sorry. Sorry. But you know Kookie... her face and your story sounds familiar. I wonder if I have met her before?" Jungkook shakes his head.

"Im positive you didnt. I never brought her over to meet any of you guys. Maybe you just think you know her because her face fills up every magazine and tv shows you see?" Jungkook guess. He is pretty positive none of his hyung knows Y/N before she becomes well known.

"Nah... that's not it," Taehyung shakes his head. "Nevermind. I'm sure I will figured it out later,"

Before Jungkook can say anything else, the practice room door opened and walked in Namjoon, looking straight at him.

"Kook, your dream has come true,"

"What do you mean hyung?" Jungkook is confused.

"We are having a collaboration with Y/N while she's in Korea,"

/////

"What?! No, no, no, no,no, no!" Y/N slammed the schedule on the desk and wailed her hands around. This cant be happening. A collaboration with Bangtan? Two whole months of composing, performing, photo shoots and interviews with them? With Jeon Jungkook? This cant be real! "Why am I not informed about this earlier? I wouldnt have agreed to it if I knew!"

"But Y/N... you never go through your schedules before. You always leave it up to the management!" One the managers tries to explain. Y/N was neber demanding kr a diva, she is akways essy to managed. Seeing her like this scare him a bit. Why is she so hellbent on not doing the schedule with Bangtan? "Besides, Bangtan is one of the most successful group in the country right now and they really want to work with you! Its a great opportunity to make your mark here, in your home country,"

Y/N bite her bottom lip. Of course it makes sense when they say it like that. Y/n has rejected everything that has to do with her home country before. She didnt want to come back before she's ready. But now that she's here, she didnt think they would be the first thing on her schedule.

"Is there really no way for me to cancel?" She sighed weakly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," the manager gave her a regretful smile. "but no,"

/////

"Y/N, these are the boys. Boys, this is Y/N," the staff introduced them once Y/N arrived on the set. She pushed her sunglasses up her forehead, smile and bowed to them, introducing herself and gave them their greeting, all the while avoiding eye contact with the doe eyed boy who is shamelessly staring at her.  The older members introduced themselves first, making silly jokes in between to ease the tension that they can feel rising between Y/N and the maknae, but the time for Jungkook to introduced himself finally arrived.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Jeon Jungkook, but I think you already know that," he held out a hand and his bunny smile grew wider when Y/N accept the handshake. He held her hand tight and keeps on staring at her, the smile never leaving his face, making her squirm uncomfortably. Y/N tried to shake her hand lose but Jungkook only held on tighter, as in trying to enjoy every tingling sensation he felt from their touch.

He misses her so much.

"Ehem," Jungkook was broken from his trance and look to his left to see Taehyung looking at him, then their entertwined hands. "I think you can let go now Kook. Its my turn to introduced myself,"

Jungkook huffed and reluctantly lets go, not at all trying to conceal the fact that he was holding her hand hostage on purpose. "Hi," Taehyung flashed her his signature smile. Y/N swore he has never seen a smile so beautiful and sincere given to her before.

"H...hi," Shit, why did I stutter?

Taehyung laughs at how adorable she looks. "So cute," he mumble, making Y/N who heard it blushed hard and Jungkook frowned, sending his hyung a death glare. "I'm Kim Taehyung or V. But you can call me Tae. Nice to meet you Y/N,"

"You... you too Taeyang. I mean Taehyung. I mean Tae," Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Nice to meet you," she slowly brace herself and look into his eyes. Those sharp gaze... it looks so damn familiar.

Taehyung laughs again and shakes her hand. "I have to go with the boys but I will see you in a bit ya?"

Y/N quickly nodded as Taehyung drags Jungkook with him, living her sweaty and blushing. Jungkook who witness the whole exchange happening looks back from his hyung to Y/N and start to feel anxious.

Is something going on with those two?

Days spend with Bangtan passes by in a blur. They were a fun group to be with; funny and talented. There was never a dull moment with them. The best part is always whenever she gets some time alone with Taehyung. There's just something about him that never ceased to amaze her, fascinates her. She loves hearing his deep voice, his laughs, his weird views on things and his funny thoughts. Being able to see Taehyung was always the highlight of her day with Bangtan, and there's just something so familiar about him. About the way his piercing eyes looks at her. Its as if she has seen it before somewhere, some time, long ago. However, what Y/N dreaded the most was when she and Jungkook were left alone, as if it was planned by the boys. She will try her best to get out from the situation, leaving Jungkook who tried hard to get a chance to talk to her frustrated.

She had always managed to get out from the sticky situation until today. She was in the music room during one of their long breaks this time. The boys will usually hang out with each other in their own waiting room, so feeling bored, Y/N sneaked out and found a lone piano in a what she assumed is a music room and started playing one of the song she is currently working on. She only started playing a few lines when a voice surpised her.

"That's beautiful," she turned to her right to see Jungkook already seated down beside her on the piano bench. She immediately stood up, ready to leave but Jungkook pulled her back down.

"No. Please, stay. Can you play the rest of the song for me? Can I hear it? Please?" He plead, eyes looking straight into hers, bringing back both painful and beautiful memories she had tried to forget. Y/N hesitates as she looked around, wishing nothing more than for someone to come in and save her. But no one did and Jungkook is still gripping her hand and looking at her. "Please?"

"O..okay," she nodded her agreement and sat back down, fingers poised to play her song.

I really love the role I play The songs I sing But with all the fame The things that seem so simple Suddenly, so far out of reach Wish that they could see That underneath I'm just an ordinary girl! Sometimes I'm lazy I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy I get silly, I choke on my own words. I make wishes, I have dreams, And I still want to believe, Anything can happen in this world For an ordinary girl! Like you like me For an ordinary girl Like you like me

The room waa silent when she finished playing. Jungkook felt a lump in his throat as the memory of him recklessly breaks her heart came back to him.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Y/N..."

Y/N stopped him and smile before he could continue, already oredicting what he would be saying. "No Jungkook. Dont say anything. You dont need to say anything. I'm over it," she stood up and bowed, hastily trying to escape but Jungkook is too fast for her and grab her arm.

"But I'm not,"

"What?"

"I'm not over it Y/N. I'm not over you..."

"Stop joking around Jungkook. Its not funny!"

Jungkook stood up and turned her to face him. "I'm not. Y/N... I swear I'm not! Please listen to me first," Jungkook pleaded. "What I did, what I said, everything was wrong. A mistake," Y/N shakes her head, denying his claim.

"No. You were happy without me Jungkook. You were happy with the girls you dated after me. All those girls who are beautiful and a somebody," Y/N blinked back her tears. No, she promised herself that she wont cry for Jeon Jungkook ever again.

"Thats what I thought I wanted Y/N. But I was wrong. I was so wrong," he gripped both of her hands, making her gasps. "I'm so sorry for what I did Y/N. I tried to look for you after you left, but I couldnt find you... and now you are here..." he cupped her chin to tilt her head to look at him. "Y/N, looking at you now, I regret everything I ever did and say to you. Please forgive me Y/N. Please... can we... can we try again?"

Y/N was shocked. She didnt think Jungkook would ever ask her to be together again. She is afterall, still just an ordinary girl... and him. Look at him, he is as perfect as he could ever be.. Then his words appeared back in her mind.

Looking at you now.

"Is this what this is? You want me back because I'm no longer the ordinary little town girl I was five years back? Because I'm successful now?!" Y/N was furious. How dare he. Jungkook was startled by her assumption. How did she even come to think of that? That is absolutely not what it is at all!

"What?! No! Y/N no! That is absolutely not what this is about. Y/N... you are everything that I want. I just realized it too late. Please Y/N. Lets try again. I'll treat you right this time,"

"No!" She shakes her hand loose from his grip. "You cant do this to me Jungkook. It took me five years to even be able to hear your name again. You broke me beyond repair. You make me judged myself to the point where I hated myself Jungkook. You dont know how broken you make me when you left. I loved you. I really really loved you... but you..."

"Y/N, please just give me another chance. Lets try this again," he begged.

"No!" Y/N start to walk out as fast as she could but what Jungkook said next stopped her in her tracks.

"I love you Y/N. I have never stop loving you," Y/N's whole body shakes as tears starts to stream down her face. She ia grateful for the fact that she is not facing him. Jeon Jungkook shouldnt see her cry. Not now. Not ever. But hearing those three words comes our from her one true love, her first love, Y/N felt her heart bursting in both pain and happiness again.

"I love you... please believe me Y/N..." he repeated softly. His voice shocked Y/N out from her tranced and she quickly continue her exit, never once looking back.

Y/N managed to bring herself to an empty park, well, of course its empty, its past midnight, after sending a quick text to Meen A to tell her to cancel the rest of her schedule and postponed it to tommorow. There is no way she is able to face Jungkook again. She close her eyes and leaned her head back, enjoying the cool breeze.

"Do you think the stars are watching we live our life like we watch a reality drama series?" Y/N was startled by the deep voice that suddenly appeared in the dark. She looks up and saw Taehyung walking towards her, smiling and sitting down besides her.

"What are you doing here Tae?"

"The question is, what are you doing here? I have always come here after schedule. This park is very near to my dorm," he pointed somewhere behind him.

"Ahh. Okay. But...what do you do here all alone? You are not a mass murderer or a rapist right?" She jokes and he laughs.

"Nothing. Just sitting in the dark and asks random questions like the one I asked you just now," he grinned.

"Really? You have to do it here? Alone? In the dark?" Y/N questioned, eyebrows arched. "Why cant you discuss it with your group mates? Isnt it better to talk to someone who could actually respond?"

Taehyung hung his head at her statement, feeling sad. "Not really. Sometimes I just want the peace and quiet to think and play with my own thoughts. Sometimes I even wonder if I made the right decision to live this kind of life," he chuckles.

"This kind of life? What do you mean?"

"This life we are living Y/N. People expect so much from us. To be flawless, remarkable in everything," he sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what its like to live an ordinary life,"

Y/N laughs. There's that word again. It seems no matter where she goes, that words haunts her like a nightmare.

"I wouldnt know what you are feeling Tae, because I have been ordinary all my life,"

Taehyung looks at her as if she doesnt make sense at all. Well, to be fair to him,she really doesnt make sense. How can a mega superstar like her, living life that people only dream of could possibly say shes been ordinary all her life? But Taehyung figured she has a reason for saying that and just lets it go.

"You are lucky then," he stood up, both hands in pockets and smile down at her. "Because Y/N, in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to be ordinary?"

Y/N's mouth drop open. Those words... they are like her secret mantra to survive the broken heart Jungkook left her with. She blinked and look at Taehyung. Those eyes staring back at her. She remembers now. The deep voice, the piercing gaze.

That stranger is Taehyung.

The man she has been searching for all these while is Kim Taehyung.

But before she could say anyhing, he is already gone.

Y/N tossed and turn the whole night. The whole conversation with Taehyung, the recent one and way back five years ago when he was just a stranger, played continuosly in her head. Its Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung.

Everything fits now. For the past month she has been getting to know him, she fell for his dorky ways and the unique things he did. She see the sadness in his face when his fans criticized his fashion choices or hairstyles, how sometimes he rather stay home and not come with them because he is tired to conceal his real self in public. She understand now why the stranger wants to be ordinary. Why Kim Taehyung wants to be ordinary.

Taehyung is beautiful, inside out. And its a shame people are more focus on the facade he puts out rather than his true self. Y/N thinks back about all the time they spend together. Taehyung will mostly ask about her life way back before she was a celebrity, asking her stories about her classes, courses, her part time job and he enjoys her stories. Every bit of it. Sometimes it seems as if he loves it more than listening to her experience touring around the world, working with all these influential people. Its... different. Most people she met in the industry are only trying to be close to her for her name, for her connections, but Taehyung felt sincere.

Taehyung loves how she is when she's just an ordinary girl.

And Y/N finally admits it now. She's in love with that extraordinary boy.

Unfortunately for her, no matter how much she wanted to she Taehyung again and proclaim her love for him the next day, they are having a one day break. So instead, she peeled her sleepless body for a morning walk towards the rows of restaurant. She needed something to clear her head.

Just her luck, she saw Taehyung sitting alone on one of the sidewalk cafe, his breakfast still full on his table, playing with his phone.

"Tae!" A wide grin stretch across her face as she walks over. How can someone look this beautiful?

"Oh, Y/N. Nice to see you here," he smile, and Y/N felt her heart beats faster.

"Are you alone?"

"I'm actually with-"

"Y/N?" Shit. The voice that calls out her name makes her heart rscing and palm swearing in fear, and she wanted nothing more than just to get out from there.

"I..I'll be going first Taehyung," she bowed quickly and make her exit, confusing Taehyung who didnt understand the situation.

"Y//N, please wait," Jungkook grab her arms and turn her around. "Please... dont run away from me,"

"Let go Jungkook,"

"Not until you give me a chance," he gritted his teeth in determination. "Y/N... I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a fool, an idiot. I care about my status, my job more than I ever did about your feelings before. But all that will change now. I have changed now. I will love you right this time. Baby... please," his soft doe eyes pierced through hers, begging her for another chance. The way he looks at her, the feeling of his touch on her arms, his familiar scent that filled his nostrils the way he calls her baby... her heart is aching. She misses him so much.

She raised her eyes to look at him. His handsome face and the way the mask hang around his mouth and nose.

The mask. The mask that he needs to conceal his identity. His identity that makes him too good to be with her in the first place.

Jungkook will always be a somebody. He has to hide his identity even he is having his breakfast. And although she is a part of that life now, deep inside she is still just an ordinary girl who unfortunately falls in love with someone extraordinary like Jeon Jungkook.

And what happened five years back proves that Jungkook would never accept that ordinary part of her. And if he cant accept that, then he cant have all of her.

"I'm sorry. I cant Jungkook," she trembled. "I have only known and love you all my life. I love every part of you... but you dont love me for who I really am. I am just still me Jungkook. Underneath all this, I'm still just that girl you broke for being ordinary. You wont and cant ever love me fully... and I wont force you too,"

"Y/N. No. I love you. I love all of you. Everything about you. Please. Give me this chance and I will prove it to you," Jungkook is panicking. He cant loose her like this. She didnt even give her a chance to get close, to show her how he has change. He has been looking for her for five years, how can he just let her slip away?

"You think you do. But I know you better than that. You are just in love with the idea of me," she smile sadly. Oh, how she wished they were still young lovers. Happy and in love. "I thought no one could ever like me for who I really am Jungkook. I loathe myself. For years I loathe myself. But I know now, not everybody hates ordinary. We ordinary girls have to right to be love too,"

"I didnt me-"

"I cant be with you Jungkook. I thought I wont ever get over you, but I was wrong. I fell in love. I found someone worthy to love me now. And I would do anything to make him love me..." she finally quietly admits, leaving Jungkook speechless.

"Wh..what?" Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. This cant happen. His baby is in love with someone else? Who? Who is the man who stole her heart away? "Who is it? Tell me Y/N! Who is it! I will show you I can love you better than him," his face is etched in anger as he shakes her shoulders.

"You dont need to know..."

"I do. I do need to know Y/N. I need to know so I can show you how much more I will love you than he ever will!" He insisted, crazy with anger. Y/N looks around and see they are starting to catch attention and people are starting to recognized them. She cant let them happen.

"Stop it Jungkook..."

"No! I love you Y/N. Why wont you believe me?" He cried. "Tell me who is he?"

"Its Taehyung!" She screamed, tired of Jungkook's tireless persuassion. "Its Kim Taehyung! Are you happy now? I love Kim Taehyung and he didnt even know! So you dont have to do anything Jungkook!" His grasp on her shoulder soften.

"You are in love with Tae - hyung? My hyung?" His eyes roamed all over her face, looking for any sign that shes lying. But theres none. His heart starts to ache, a feeling so foreign to him. "Since when?"

"Since... sinc..," her eyes flickered behind Jungkook and her mouth dropped in horror. "Taehyung!" Jungkook whipped his head to see what Y/N is looking at, and true enough, his hyung stood there behind him and with the look on his face, its clear he heard everything. His eyes looks straight at her, dark and blank, she couldnt understand what emotions are playing within him right then and it scared her.

"Tae, wait! I can ex-" Y/N started to run after him when he abruptly turned around and walked away towards the other direction.

"Y/N, please. Choose me. Please. I love you. I cant live without you. Choose me Y/N. Dont leave me for Tae," Jungkook held on to her jacket's sleeves, begging her with his brown eyes. Y/N felt her tears finally fell at the sight of Jungkook, the mighty Jungkook begging for her, an ordinary girl.

"Then you have to learn how to Jungkook. Just like how I did before," she shakes her sleeve loose and run after Taehyung. Jungkook was left alone, stunned, and after years of being strong and believing he can do anything, he fell to his knees for he knows this time he wont be able to do it.

Losing Y/N all over again.

/////

"Tae! Tae. Stop. Just stop," Y/N was breathless as she managed to grab Taehyung by the arm. The said man turned and emotionlessly turned to face her. She felt her heart break. Does Taehyung really doesnt have any feelings for her at all?

"You shouldnt say things that you dont even understand Y/N," he suddenly broke the silenced.

"What are you talking about Tae? What you heard-"

"How can you say you love me? How is that even possible?"

"Why isnt it possible? I'm in love with you Kim Taehyung! Why is that not possible?" She huffed. Did Taehyung really thinj no one would ever love him? "I'm in love with every part of you. The real you! Not the facade you put out for everyone around you. But the you that you showed me during the talks we had. I'm in love with that Kim Taehyung!"

"I cant be with you," his words came out so smoothly out from his mouth, it hurts her to think how he doesnt even have to think about it at all.

"Why?" She cried. Y/N can feel her heart broke for the second time after a long time. "Why cant you give me a chance? I know you felt it too. I can see it when you talk to me. When you look at me. Please Tae, why cant you let me?"

"Tae... is there really no chance for us?" Y/N asks again when he kept quiet, eyes fixed on the ground. "You... really cant love me?" Y/N lets out a deep breath and weakly lets go of his hand when he still didnt answer. "Okay... I'm sorry. I just thought..." she didnt finished her words before she turned around, wanting to just walk away from the situation and just buried herself in her blanket back at the hotel. She was always a fool in love. Ordinary or not, no one will ever love her for her. She just need to braced another month of schedule with Bangtan and she can forget all this ever happen.

"Do you want to know why we could never happen?" Taehyung's voice reached her ears, sounding so soft and sad, making her turn around even though she dont think she can ever face him again. Y/N stopped in her tracks for a moment and decide to just walk away. There is no need for her to listen to the list of reasons as to why Taehyung would never ever love her.

"Y/N, listen to me," Taehyung grabbed her hand. Why is he doing this? Why is he forcing her to listen to things that she doesnt want to? Is he intentionally wanting to hurt her?

"I...I dont want to Tae," she sobbed. "I dont need to know why you wont ever love me,"

Taehyung immediately cupped both of her cheeks and make her look at him the moment she said that. "Y/N... I'm sorry for what I said. And I never said I didnt love you back..." he said so softly Y/N almost missed it, but she didnt and her eyes widen. Did... did Taehyung just confess?

"Please dont cry..." his thumbs wipe the tears that slowly rolled down her cheeks. "Look around you Y/N... this is the reason why we cant be together,"

For the first time since they talk, Y/N raised her head and look around her. Fans are gathered all around, cellphones out and snapping photos. She looks up and billboards with her face on it filling the view. Even if the passerby didnt know who they were before, they sure do now. "You are too special to be with me Y/N. I am not the one for you. I'm too strange and weird to be with you. You deserves the world. You are remarkable, and you deserves the best. Me? I'm just an ordinary small town boy who accidentally passes an audition Y/N. I'm not for you. So dont cry for me. These people doesnt like to see you cry," he smile at her. She feels her heart beats faster. She wants that smile. She wants to wake up to that smile everyday and she wont let who she became now stops her from the happiness that is right in front of her.

"Taehyung... I'm still that same ordinary girl you met in the park five years back. The girl who cried because the person she loves broke her. Dont you remember her?"

"What? What are you saying?"

"You are really funny," Y/N repeated what he said to her way back then. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?" Taehyung's eyes widen at that. Little did she know, just like her, their encounter that day changed his life forever too. He accepted his life more after their little talk and since then he starts not to think about what his fans would want from him. He is just an ordinary man and if they dont love him for that, then they didnt love him to start with.

"That... that was you?" Y/N nodded with a smile and tears in her eyes.

"Tae... what you said to me that day changed me. Because of you I start to believe that ordinary girls like me deserves to be loved too. I came back to the park everyday in hope to see you again but I never did. You have been a part of my life for a long time Tae, whether you like it or not," she laughs. "And if you think I am too special to be with you, then you are dead wrong. You are everything I could ever want. You are the only person in my life who loves me for that dorky college girl that I am and I'm in love with you for that," she rajsed her hands and carressed his cheeks. Taehyung slowly leaned in into her touched. "You love every lsrt of me and you deserve to have all of me Tae,"

"Dont see me like what the other see me Tae. See me for who I really am. I am just an ordinary girl who falls in love with an amazing man, and she hopes that amazing man would someday fall in love with her too,"

"I am already in love with you Y/N. From the moment you stutter my name the first time we officially met," he laughs out loud at the memory as Y/N blushed. "Why were you so nervous anyway? You are already in love with me back then arent you? My good looks got nothing on you,"

"Yah!" She hit his chest and Taehyung pulled her close in his embraced. "Dont tease me,"

"You are adorable," he kissed her head and they can hear the camera shutter clicking from all around them. They have a lot to answer to their own management tomorrow, but for now that didnt matter. "My beautiful ordinary girl, you make me realized that nothing else matters that just to be and love yourself. You are the best thing that could have ever happen to me, eventhough I dont even know who you were back then. I love you Y/N," he whispered.

"And I love you Kim Taehyung. Just my weird fascinating Kim Taehyung," Taehyung smile and leaned his head closer to her as his lips tremble when he touched the lips of the girl he has dreamt about for years.

As the couple shared their first kiss, and the people around them starts to busily clicking their cameras and cooing at the adorable couple, a pair of teary doe eyes looks from afar...

And for the first time in his life, he admits that his heart is broken to pieces.

By an ordinary girl.

A/N: Ordinary Girl that Y/N played on the music room is actually a real song by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, with the same title. All credits goes to the original artists and everyone involved in it.

[ixiomdraws]

[CLOSED SPECIES]

I would like to officially introduce a creature species I've made. They arent really new since I've had them for years and posted them several times on a couple different blogs, but they were originally just one, not really a species, but I love them and i just wanted to expand on them and what they were, so here we go.

Please read under the cut for full info on budbugs.

BUDBUG is the species name, named after the original, Pillbug.

(this is Pillbug^)

Pillbug was the only of their kind, created in a lab for testing purposes, and not good ones. They were practically tortured, cut open countless times, experimented on, ect. They were made to be docile and obedient, no aggressiveness at all, to the point of almost being just a living stuffed animal.

Pillbug is quiet, and pretty much completely incapable of choosing to do anything. They will wait for someone to tell them to do something, sitting in the same spot till they starve to death. Think of the sims with free will option turned off. This is specifically Pillbug, the first and original, and does not apply to the whole species. All budbugs come from Pillbugs DNA, so, in a way, Pillbug is the mother/father to all of the others.

now onto the species:

BUDBUGS

Scientific name:Vitula mollisparva

CLOSED species

Lifespan: unknown. Oldest living budbug is 36 (human) years old.

Average height: on all fours:around 1 foot. Standing: 2 feet(bitty versions also available)

Average weight:15 pounds

Sex: Budbugs are a genderless species, and cannot reproduce. if you adopt one, you can choose any pronouns youd like to call them, they don’t care.

DIET: they can pretty much eat anything. Their diet is whatever is offered to them or available, including things like bark. They have no specific needs, but  there was a recorded overall preference of fruit and sweet things. Sweet milk is the number one way to attract them. It seems to be their absolute favorite, warm or cold. They have some semi-sharp molar like teeth in the back of their mouth that they use for crushing/chewing harder materials.

YOUNG: a hatchling(called pups) will not have vision, or be able to walk. they have feeling and scent to go on, much like a puppy. they have slight hearing that comes through to them as muffled sound. they are bottle fed milk like substance and sugar water(or a mix of both) for 3-4 months. 

since budbugs dont have the ability to reproduce, nor a gender, there is no mother to nurse them and is done by bottle. there is the possibility of an adult budbug attempting to nurse young, but it’s unlikely theyll produce milk in time before the young starves.(we of course have the ability to make ‘nursemaid’ parents, bottle feeding the hatchlings until their milk comes in from stimulation((e.g pups attempting to nurse on them for prolonged times))

 It's best to feed them mushy like food up to 6 or 7 months old. eyes open around 2-3 weeks old, along with better hearing. they start walking shortly after, 4-6 weeks. they will follow after people or animals in a fashion similar to ducklings, seeking a bigger ‘parental’ figure to protect them and make small chirp noises.

PLANT GROWTH:

Typically has any type of plant matter growing on their head, sometimes it can trail down their back and tail or even have random patches of plant matter elsewhere. the plants that grow on them are a part of them, for instance- cutting off a flower will cause a pinkish blood drop to emerge. They don’t seem to feel the pain of cut flowers/plant matter, nor does it need to be bandaged or treated, its fairly similar to regular plants in that aspect. [note:please do NOT use a mower or weedeater on your budbug]

The plants that grow on them are similar to regular plants, but often are more 'sturdy' and a little tougher to break/cut. This can vary somewhat by the individual, some will have more fragile type plant matter that easily comes off, others may have plant matter that is thicker, rooted and more connected to them. Usually youll know depending on plant type, thicker looking stems and such are most likely more rooted and a part of them and we highly recommended not trying to pull any plant matter out/off of them.

 its best to let the plant naturally die/fall off, and typically the plant doesnt overgrow to a point of causing difficulty to the budbug.

BEHAVIOR:

a common site is seeing the budbug grooming itself; licking like a cat and patting or somewhat 'pulling' on leaves or whatever plant matter they have, to shed the dead leaves, ect. If left with water, they might bathe themself, somewhat like a hamster or cat, except they dip their arms in the water instead of licking them.(if water is available)

They have horn-like nubs on their head covered in fur/felt, the horns stop growing at a certain point and then remain that way for life. Their horns have no use other than for hatching out of an egg at birth. Its extremely rare for them to be aggressive toward anything, including others of their species. They’re very sharing, and around their own kind, they will often groom each other, make soft calls, and sleep in piles. 

The few aggressive ones only did some mild growl like sounds and avoid the others, most of which stopped within an hour and joined in the regular activities.

There have been no cases of any attacks or biting, whether to their own species or other animals/people.

Meeting other species, they wont typically make the same call noises as they do to each other, but will still act friendly and try to sit next to or sleep with, and  even try to groom them.

They’re quiet, almost mute. They can make soft call noises and various other light toned sounds, they cant bark/moo, and even in distress or extreme pain, they typically only make soft whine noises or stay silent. they also make rumbling like sounds similar to a purr. They have a very high pain tolerance, some people might even claim they cant feel pain, but trust me, they do.

heres some similar noises they can make(budbugs sound a bit more soft though, kind of like cooing? if that makes sense) 

[1][2][3][4]

urgent call/trying to get attention(rare)

young/baby chirps

distress/pain call(rare)

Their arms are flipper like, though still usable as paws if needed, they prefer walking upright. their eyesight differs greatly, some excellent, some poor.  If you don’t like things staring at you, this isnt the pet for you. They are very observant, watching others is probably like tv to them. smell is their best sensory, along with hearing. their fur type can vary from otter-like(waterproof) to very fine silky soft fur and many others.

Personality:

trusting, obedient, friendly, happy, quiet, patient. They will spend the majority of their time observing their surroundings or others.(some are 'lazier' than others, falling asleep instead)

Intelligence:

varies. They can learn a lot, but they typically have low functioning free will and require commands or encouragement to act on things.

As an example, we set a waterer that works similar to a fountain, needing a button to be pressed to release water for drinking. The creature sees us operate it and with mild encouragement, will press the button and drink. We leave them alone for days,  and while they know how to operate the device, they do not, simply waiting.

It took several days of being completely alone before they finally activated the water by pressing the button. By their straightforward action, we could tell they knew how to operate it and it wasn't an accident. This test was ran on several others, all similar reactions. On average, only 3 out of 10 would react sooner, within 24 hours, 5 took about 3-5 days before reacting, and 2  passed out from dehydration and had to be taken to medical. (test was ran on 5 groups of 10)

Many other tests provide similar information: they typically wait for something to encourage or command them to act, even on simple survival such as food and water. If it isnt offered to them, they seem to get confused and wait for an offering, even if theyre next to a stream.

 In some tests conducted, when in groups, they will follow suit after others, even of different species. e.g, one walks to a stream to drink, they follow suit to drink as well. It’s possible this is a faulty instinct of survival, watching others to drink or eat something to make sure its safe for themself, the faulty part being that even once they know a source is safe, they’ll still often wait for encouragement to engage.

 thankfully, about 74% of them will get over this faulty instinct over time and regular encouragement towards a water/food spot. moving their dish or having a non-regular feeding area can cause this faulty instinct to return or worsen. it’s recommend to have a designated water and feeding spot set up for them to help them overcome that behavior.

other than that, they are extremely adept at learning commands and copying (to the best of their ability). they learn tricks incredibly easily. (e.g, roll over, sit, fetch, ect)

again, this is a CLOSED species. you do not have permission to make one of these without my consent. below are permissions if you get one- RETURNS: If you decide you do not want your budbug anymore, you can message me and I’ll take it back, either keeping it or putting it back up for adoption.  but i can not and will not refund you. Which should be obvious, but just in case, i’m stating it here. PERMISSIONS: -you have complete permission to draw/write/ect of them. harm/violence/gore is allowed. I dont mind gore or sad angst stories, so whatever you want to do with them once bought, you can. However, you do not have permission to include them in anything sexual. if they’re just being the pet that watches their owners do it, like how cats sometimes do, then that’s fine. But absolutely no fucking the budbugs or other sexual activities with them. -You do not have permission to resell them or sell merchandise with them on it.

This post will be updated as needed if anything changes to their species info. Last update: 10/18/2018 

[chimswae]

Chapter 14

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2,812

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Chapter 14:  Hold me tight, trust me

[ +120, -13] Did you see Min Suga flip out? He was trying to be polite to that reporter but guess her questions really tick him off kekekeke The reporter is nosy anyways, so rude. He is just trying to protect his friends.

 [+71, -122] Park Jimin really had a hard time, I don’t blame him. Medias are going crazy. I heard they ambushed the girl’s home too. How inappropriate.

 [+46, -3] Why cant people leave him alone? It is his life. I feel bad for the girl and the kid, they must be terrified. I am supporting you Park Jimin! Hwaiting~!

 [+88, -149] BTS Jimin is a bad influence to teenagers. He made baby when he’s still in school and dumped the girl to become an idol. How horrible is that. I heard they are the president of middle school club something but they don’t act like one. Rip the title off from them.

 [+21, -99] That bitch must be after his money. She wouldn’t just appear without reasons. What a disgrace to whole nation.

 [+23, -62] He is a scapegoat kekekekkekee What will happen to Bangtan now. Major flop.

 [+33, -178] Wow, I knew from start Park Jimin is a trash. Get that asshole out from the group. A bad example to younger fans!!

 [+43, -199] Since he cant sing without sounding like a damn penguin, maybe he can reconsider babysitting his son at home kekekekeke

 [+64, -15] I heard a wedding bell ringing~~ kekekeeke who’s going to attend a trashy wedding ceremony. The girl is taking gold digging into a whole new level.

  Slamming the laptop shut, Taehwan gave Yeoul a look “I told you to stop reading comments, they are judging both of you without knowing the truth. Horrible human being” he sighed.

 Wretchedly, she covered her face to hide tear filled eyes. Yeoul was used to bearing pain without showing how much it hurt. However, she cried at last even though it was part her distress. No one with sane mind would be fine after reading such nasty comments.

He shifted closer to where Yeoul sat, embraced the poor girl in a tight hug “I am sorry that you have to face this Yeoul ah, I wish I can take the pain from you” he stroked her long hair lovingly. Taehwan wished he had the ability to erase bad memories from her. Endurance was never her forte.

 She cried way too much every single days without failed, that was not a good sign for her health. Another thing was that, she waited for Jimin to come safe and sound as he promised. Of course, she didn’t put much expectation on that since his boss might not let him carelessly travel across the region just to get her. But, having a little faith wouldn’t hurt right?

 “OMMA! I SAW APPA OUTSIDE” Minyeol’s squealed returned their attention to the younger boy who was on his toes in front of the window scanning their backyard. Yeoul told him to use a secret passageway behind to avoid the crowd in front of their house. Another commotion was the last thing that they wished to see at the moment.

 Taehwan walked up to Minyeol helping the hyper boy opening the door for his dear father and giving no time for Jimin to digest, Minyeol crashed his body against him.

 Hugging him tight, Minyeol smiled widely “Appaaa is back.. Minyeollie miss appa so much” he startled at the sudden impact but softened to see his son clinging onto him. One of their managers accompanied Jimin to Busan and though he was well aware of the scandal, it was still amusing to see another side of Jimin. It was unusual.

 Jimin picked him up, rocking his body side to side “Appa misses you too, how’s my Minyeol” Yeoul stared at him blankly, part of her soul slowly leaving her body. The sight of Jimin much alive and untouchable was a huge relief.

“Minyeol is terrified. The people outside is hurting omma and yeollie” he pouted.

 “Appa is here so I will make sure bad people wont get you and your omma, alright?” smiling affectionately, he squished the younger boy close before setting him down on ground again.

 He shifted his gaze to Yeoul sad face, their orbs met, their gaze seemed to concentrate and they stood motionless, as if spellbound. Not to mention, it had been a rough week for both of them, to be in the same room, breathing the same air was almost impossible after the event.

 She hung her head and huffed out a sigh, finally meeting his gaze, that one face she missed the most “Hey…” Yeoul broke her silence with a soft voice enough for him to capture. Jimin looked steadily into her solemn eyes, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for causing the pain. It was unbearable to watch his girl cried because of him.

 “Yeoul…” eventually his arms crossed over her, embracing her tight and she relaxed against him. Nuzzling her face in his chest, she finally could her the sound of his heartbeat. Calming yet help to sooth away the pain from her.

 “I am sorry that it took me so long to come and I missed you” she heard he whispered lowly in her ears. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around him returning the hug with a wide smile, letting herself melt into Jimin’s strong embrace.

 Giving the couple time to catch up, Taehwan brought Minyeol upstairs and the younger boy nodded obediently with a smile. Being in the same room as Jimin was the last thing that he wanted to do today, Taehwan was not fond of that guy just yet. He needed time.

 Yeoul pulled away, caressing his cheeks with a glint of worries in her eyes “You lost weight, did Jin oppa even feed you properly?” he chuckled.

 “Hyung barely cooked lately, so we just ate takeaways food” she cringed in disagreement.

 “That’s unhealthy! I am scolding Jin oppa for feeding you guys unhygienic food”

 Grazing his fingertip to tap her nose softly, he shot her a smile “I don’t remember we ever eat an-oh-so-hygienic food either back then? We basically ate ramen and fried chicken” scrunching her nose cutely, she puffed her cheeks.

 “That was long time ago. My cooking skills improved over time, so don’t judge.” Yeoul realized there was a tall man far at the corner leaning against the wall, and once in awhile he would steal a glance at them with a teasing smile.

 “mm.. Jims.. who is that?” she squished his hand and whispered softly.

 Jimin glanced at his manager hyung “Oh that is manager hyung. He is here to accompany me. You know we need to head to Seoul in a bit right” he tilted his head at her direction.

 Yeoul nodded “I know.. your manager hyung is too good looking to be one. I thought he is the hidden Bangtan members” her gazed were fixed at him. When he caught her staring, he put a friendly smile with a small bow causing her to flush.

 As he noticed the girl in front of him was fawning over his manager, he flicked Yeoul forehead with a frown “Lower your gaze. Manager hyung is taken, so are you” he exclaimed. His manager chuckled in process grasping their conversation, ignoring Jimin death glare.

 She rubbed her forehead with a pout “I am being a normal girl! Blame him for having that good look. And who says I am taken?” Jimin squished her cheeks.

 “You are taken by Park Jimin”

 “I am not”

 “Yes you are, you said ‘i love you’ back to me. TWICE!”

 “Psh… that is just an ‘I love you’..I can say I love you to anyone that I like”

 “Yah, don’t you dare”

 “Yes I do.. I am going to say it to your manager hyung now” she teased with a playful smug.

 Jimin turned to face his manager who had dumbfounded look on his face “Don’t smile hyung!” he whined almost sounded like a spoiled kid throwing tantrum.

 “Manager Oppa… I Lo-” he cut her off with a kiss, muffling her sinful mouth from spurting more nonsense. His manager flustered upon seeing the unwelcoming scene before him and he immediately turned to face the wall.

 Holding her body close, he nibbled her lower lips with a smirk ‘No you cant say I love you to anyone’ Yeoul returned his kiss anyway. They pulled away with a stupid smile on their face not long after. The couple didn’t  want to prolong their affection not with the presence of his manager.

 “Let’s pack, its going to be a long day” she felt his soft lips against her cheeks.

 ------------

 “Appa and omma will be back soon, so for the time being you will stay with Taehwan ahjussi and granny okay? Be a good boy” Yeoul stroked his hair with a motherly smile.

 “When will omma come back?” Minyeol fingers fiddled with her lock as his other hand slowly caressed Yeoul cheeks.

 “As soon as possible. When omma comeback we will go buy your favorite bunny” his sad smile was replaced with a bright one as soon as he heard the ‘bunny’ part. Minyeol wrapped his arm around her neck, though deep down inside she didn’t want to leave him alone but she had too.

 Exposing Minyeol to medias was not a good idea either, she didn’t want public got a hold of her son. He was just a kid.

 Jimin knelt beside Minyeol, hugging him “Now, will you promise appa to behave when we’re away?” he held his pinky fingers out as the younger boy excitedly linked his pinky with Jimin.

 “Tae-ah thank you for doing this” holding his hand tight, he felt the spark in his heart again.

 He sighed softly “Don’t worry, Minyeol and your mother will be safe with me. Come back safely” ruffling her hair, his encouraging smile gave Yeoul strength to face the reality from now. After bidding their last farewell, his manager urged them to be faster since they have a flight to catch. Worries after worries gnashed her heart, would things turn out good as they hoped?

 ------------------

 The journey was rather smooth though from time to time people would recognize them in the flight including the flight attendants, but thankfully they left Yeoul and Jimin alone. Sucks to be an idol sometimes, people pretended that they knew everything about them and quick to judge.

 Passing the last security procedure, they were now ready to leave the area but surprised to see the huge crowd formed in front of the arrival hall. Jimin gave his manager a baffle look “Hyung.. I thought no one knew about me going back to Busan?” he blinked.

 Scanning the area, Yeoul could feel her heartbeat rate increased rapidly. The last time she was surrounded by human with camera, it turned out badly. Now the size of the crowd in front of her resident was nothing in comparison to this. This was almost like a mini fanmeeting and for some reason it mortified her.

 “I got a call from the company, they said someone leaked the news. This is out of control but they have secure the place and the vehicle is ready to transport us back safely. Will Yeoul be okay to walk through this huge crowd?” he shot her a concern look.

 Chewing her lower lips, she was unsure how to answer the question. Even though she said no, what could they do? They still had to face these people in the end. Jimin hugged her shoulder with a concern smile “We can find another way, if you are uncomfortable” he assured.

 Yeoul was not used to cameras and screaming fans, but she didn’t want to get him into trouble either. She gave them a small nod “I will be okay” unfazed, Jimin eyebrows were furrowed deeply. He knew Yeoul was not okay.

 “You don’t have to feel pressured, if you cant do this. We will find another route”

 “I am really fine Jimin. Don’t worry about me, just umm stay by my side. I am not used to this” she convinced him with a smile.

 “Then you are stuck with me. Hold onto me tight” he nodded at his manager way signaling they were ready to leave the area. Putting his black shade, he interlaced his fingers with her and slowly made their way outside and like a flock of birds fighting for food, they were quickly ambushed by flash of cameras.

 “IT IS PARK JIMIN”

 “Park Jimin ssi is the rumor true about you and the girl?”

“THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS. THEY ARE REAL”

 “Miss Na, how long have you been keeping your relationship from everyone”

 “Miss Na and Jimin-ssi we have questions. Wait up”

 Petrified, Yeoul scooted closer to his side seeking for comfort, she squished his hand tighter ‘This is scary as hell’ there were press everywhere though they were securities around them blocking their path but some was smart enough to grab her arm once in awhile.

 Jimin pulled Yeoul to walk in front of him as he enveloped one arm around her from back “I will be here, keep walking” he muttered close to her earlobes.

 Some fans were squealing hard upon witnessing Jimin heroic action. He was being very protective over Yeoul at the moment, since there were ignorant people trying to grasp her at any chance they had. It was sickening.

  “JIMIN OPPA WE WILL SUPPORT YOU AND UNNIE”

 “IGNORE THOSE MEAN PEOPLE JIMIN OPPA”

 Jimin glanced at his fans with a thankful look and continued to pass the huge crowd before the crowd got bigger and suffocated both of them.

 “Make way, don’t crowd the area” the securities warned the press who tried to take a clear picture of Yeoul and Jimin together. At one point, they successfully exited the arrival hall and were getting closer to the black vehicle in front of them.

 Just few more steps and the nightmare will end, Yeoul prayed in her head.

 His manager opened the door, loading a luggage inside and signaled Jimin to walk quickly. Since there were too many people surrounding them, things got uncontrollable at one point.

 That include..

 A balloon was thrown at Yeoul and burst, she was drenched with red stain from head to toes.

 “YEOUL!” Jimin eyes widened his eyes.

 The assault continued as there was a group of people throwing balloon contained a kind of red paint at her direction. Jimin frowned in anger and pulled Yeoul into a tight hug, blocking the balloon from hitting his girl.

  Everyone gasped at the sight and some concerned fans tried to find the source of the attack to make it stop.

 “Over there! They are throwing the balloons!”

 “Jimin oppa are you okay?”

 “Omo omo omo I hope they are alright”

 Yeoul clutched onto his shirt tight and shuddered at the coldness, her tears cascaded down without warn. She felt humiliated but at the same time she worried of Jimin since he took the hit for her. Would this get him in trouble?  

 Jimin tried to hold back the anger bubbled inside him, he heard people whispered around him with insult. He snapped “YAH YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN? JUST FUCK OFF” he turned to face a group of anti fans who were already being captured by the securities there.

 “Jimin… don’t..” Yeoul held him back concerned that he said something mean and as a result it gave the medias an upper hand to twist anything that came out from his mouth.

 His manager went to their side “Jimin we have to go now, it is not safe. Lets get inside quick” he patted the younger boy, ushering both of him and Yeoul inside the vehicle. The door slid closed and within a second Jimin already took her face in his hand examining Yeoul in case she got hurt.

 “Are you hurt anywhere?” he took a clean towel from manager hyung and started to clean the red stain off from her face. Yeoul chose to keep silent as she watched Jimin diligently, her fear subsided.

 “I am sorry Yeoul. I am sorry, I should protect you. I am sorry” his indistinct mumble sounded silly but it made her smile.

 She eyed him, holding onto his wrist “You got hit too…” snatching the clean cloth from his hand. She dabbed his forehead along his cheek, Yeoul smiled meekly not knowing how to react. Things that they experienced just now was beyond horrible.

 “We are heading to the company. Others are there too along with Bang PD” manager hyung broke the silence. The couple nodded with a small smile and Yeoul was mentally ready to face this Bang PD. Anything for Jimin and Minyeol, she would do it without complain.

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[legendarypaperrascalpainter]

THIS IS A RANT OF PAIN AND ISNT SUPPOSED TO HURT ANYONE

I'm tired. Tired of being in pain. I hate men. No, hate is the wrong word. I hate cockroaches, I hate ants, I hate dirt, I hate food left over on dishes. I don't hate men. That is something saved for someone or something underneath you. Something you have disdain towards.

I have a theory. If we were to call it for what it is, there would no longer be a "not all men" slogan. Because men don't really care how you feel about them. Most men anyway. Those men all care about the word hate, not the distain and distress you feel towards them.

You can be in despair, that doesn't bother them. They can't stand a woman looking down at them as something lesser. Which admittedly some women do. I have come to the conclusion of the answer. We don't hate all men. WE FEAR THEM. They want this of course. Men are mentally unwell, and have been for a long time.

They have put that course on for themselves. I mean, look at their suicide rates. If they aren't married, they are more likely to be miserable and unhappy. They are more likely to die younger, even without a dangerous job. They have a lot to be stressed about. The pressure is on their shoulders.

I'm not talking about the pressures of having a family. Typically, most men don't really care about their kids. I do mean that. They throw money at the problem and that is it. Dont you wonder why we have so many daddy issues?

Men need the control of something to feel and be truly happy. That is where women come along. Men, the way they talk, act, and think about women, they don't see us as people. A man once told me, that women can do anything, that is why they deserve less. Women need to face accountability for everything. I cant even kill myself to get away from the men in my life because the children need me.

I hate my existence. I hate everything about me. I did everything I could. I got a man that wasn't violent. I stayed home. I took care of the baby. I dont go out. I dont drink. I dont have sex for my own pleasure. I watch the kids. I clean, I cook, I draw the men's baths, I do it all. Yet, I got raped (that was my fault), I'm ugly from stretch marks of pregnancy (that is my fault), I cant seem to control the weather (that is my fault), my baby eats (that's my fault). It's all me.

So men, from all women. You win. Please stop. Please. I feel like either I am on the verge of killing someone else, or myself in fear for my daughter. Why did I have to have a daughter? How do I prevent her from suffering from men? Can I? Please don't hurt her. I need her. Please don't kill or rape her. I need her. I love her.

This is just a rant. I needed it.