#but i didnt own those cars and was too scared to experiment.

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

don't ask how i passed my regular driver's license test i literally don't know either. i was 18 so i think they just felt bad for me.

[christinathezakumechanic]

A bit of a vent post but I just saw a post about how dog owners are not kept to the same standards as cat owners and shomehow cats are not damaging to the environment and only kill songbirds. This has just *really* gotten under my skin because I have lived in a community with rampant outdoor cats for years. its not the songbirds who suffer from the sheer destruction which cats can cause, its a massive amount of the ecosystem. When I was a kid my family got a pond and I was over the moon since back before we moved the area was just too hot to keep a pond, it would have needed to be topped off daily(or at least that was my parents excuse). At the time we found out that multiple neighbors were actually taking their ponds out because the cats in the area kept killing their pond fish. As a result one of our neighbors gave us their greater pond snails, accepting them was a mistake on our part because oh my god they will eat literally anything including any sort of plant we tried to keep in there, but that's something totally different. My parents didnt want to get fish for the pond because of the cats, but that lead to a threatened species of salamander to find its way into our pond. I was elated at first, getting to see a salamander for the first time that wasnt in a zoo. It lived there for 3 days before the neighbors cat killed it. I remember crying for my mom at the pond, not knowing what to do as the cat hid in the tree in the corner of our yard. I remember seeing the cat upstairs and running down to the pond to scare the cat away only to find a corpse. We ended up installing chicken wire over the pond when the newts came the year after. We still had issues with cats trying to kill them, but my mom planted rasberry bushes nearby and they really took off, growing all around it making it inaccessible to anything larger than a mouse. We have to cut them back every once and a while, you cant often see the pond as a result but its worth having the newts be safe. Especially now when we have an invasive species of mosquito which has been outcompeting the native species and the larvae of which is too large for a lot of small invertebrate predators to hunt, leaving only things like amphibians which are large and fast enough to hunt them before they can grow into full blown mosquitos. Im really mad that people only think its birds that die as a result of cats, because our entire ecosystem in this neighborhood has completely deteriorated as a result of those cats. I dont want to say that the poster doesnt have a point about off leash dogs being incredibly destructive too, its just that in my experience they are incredibly rare. And I have never seen a dog out an about on its own, it will always have a human with them. I also dont want to portray cats as some evil monsters. They are animals. They dont have a concept of good or evil, wrong or right. They are just silly little goobers who follow their instincts when it comes to hunting. Its just that unfortunately this isnt really beneficial for the native ecosystem. Ecosystems besides I do also want to point out that the neighborhood playground was full of cat shit when I was still young enough to use it, leading to me not wanting to use it. It would look fine until you started to play, leading to the discovery that in fact this wasnt a sand pit it was the cats communal litterbox. I also want to point out that the outdoor cats(including the one which killed that salamander) in this area have lost a lot of their numbers. Because they kept getting hit by trucks. Not cars, but trucks. As in semi trucks. the neighborhood is next to a giant ass chain supermarket which gets like daily deliveries from these massive trucks that cant see a small cat running across the road. I apologise for the massive text block of a vent post but I just kinda wanted to write this out.

[hungee-boy]

things that i am 100000% dead serious about implementing into society yesterday no i am not joking:

get rid of borders. god didnt make this rock for us to imprison ourselves and worship made up lines in the dirt. everyone should be able to walk the earth we started existing on

under no circumstances should basic necessities have a price tag. water is free, food is free, shelter is free, medicine is free. if it ensures your survival and health it is free. period.

can we fucking accept already that different walks of life exist and its not horrible to live amongst people that dont think or live like you. embrace differences. a canvas of all colors is most beautiful bitch

if a persons actions only affect themselves, then those actions shouldnt be criminalized. does not matter if its body mods, abortions, top/bottom surgery, or even suicide. doesnt matter if you agree with it or not if someone decides to do something with their own body and their own consent, it should be allowed legally

political representatives should actually represent their constituents, so if the constituents say something like "stop fucking killing kids overseas right godamn now." then the representative is OBLIGATED to listen and obey the orders of the people that put them in office in the first place

if you work for a company or a group, you should have a say in what your labor is being used for. voting among all employees for company policy, investment choices, internal operations, etc so that every worker is heard and considered. no one owner or ceo, if you work you have a say

landback right now and obey every word that has to be said especially in regards to native flora/fauna conservation and climate change policy. collaborate with elders on social policy, education, and regional culture projects too

speaking of climate change, contract the best locomotive engineers right now and get bullet trains across all continents wherever they can be built with minimal effect on the environment. include costs of operation in taxes and make fare free. destroy all cars. kill the head of bp. put solar panels in the desert where it wont affect local flora/fauna (tho maybe additional shade spots would be good?) listen to fucking indigenous people about conservation efforts.

teach your kids today that its okay to be wrong about something and to ask questions about the world around them. build curiosity in them, especially about other people and cultures, especially now. dont be scared to ask questions yourself. be like a child experiencing the world for the first time. ask questions, be curious, be respectful, learn, gain empathy please im begging you

all art and media is free and available for everyone. you shouldnt be locked out of learning and experiencing human art because you dont have enough of a certain kind of paper. thats stupid. its stupid to gatekeep human experiences to other humans.

this is just for me, but i would want nothing more than to have food gardens in every neighborhood. food would be free anyway, but i want people to learn agriculture and to feel that unbeatable feeling of satisfaction from being sustained on what you put work into raising. its amazing and i want us all to know that feeling if we choose to experience it

[usertoxicyaoi]

Hey Faiza, what were your thoughts about the Enchanté finale? For most of the episode, my heart was hurting and I cried a few times, but omg, there were so many beautiful and touching moments. The way I sobbed when I finished the episode because despite all they went through, Akk and Theo came out stronger in the end. Goes to show that when two people are made for each other, nothing can stop them from going back to each other (omg I started tearing up while typing this WHATS WRONG WITH ME) UGHHHH the way I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much fondness over a show — I’m gonna miss it and them so much!

hiiii anon!!!

see. i livewatched the finale and then i gave it a few hours and then i watched it again. and ive realised that livewatching ..... is a very emotionally heightening experience (my emotions were BOUNCING off the walls i was all over the place) and that after i gave it a few hours and rewatched it at my own pace, it just felt .... a little less intense and i understood it a lot more.

i already Knew we'd get theo going back to france and a timelapse. i'd called that even before the finale aired, so i was 100000% ready and expecting that.

the scene that HIT me was theo looking out of the car window and akk standing there and that paralleling back to their childhood. i DID NOT need that, lmaooo. i was just as much of a wreck when i rewatched the finale as to how much i was when i livewatched it.

another scene i LOVED that huuuuurt was akk on the stairs tryna blink away his tears whilst just a wall away from him theo was in his room doing the same too. i think that just. really. epitomised them in a nutshell. how they're both so hungry and so in love with one another and thats their selfish desire bc they would rather be together anywhere in the world but they both will be just as selfless about that same love too.

and. god. theo ACKNOWLEDGING how he was scared to tell akk the reason why he went back to france. bc he didnt want akk to wait on him again, despite knowing akk will. i always say how akk knows theo so so well, but theo? knows akk just as well too. and i think theo realised just how much emotional baggage he really carries and how emotionally damaged and scarred he really is in that scene and how itd be so selfish of him to ask akk for anymore. and that was his moment of growth!!! i think people dont realise that when you're an only child and your entire home just ..... breaks down .... (and theo even said that his house was gonna get sold too) ... the psychological impact that has. apart from akk, he has NOTHING else left in thailand anymore. not even his house he was born in made of bricks and cement, in the physical sense.

would that make akk feel guilty? would that play on akk's mind? that the only reason theo is here is bc of me?? of course it would. and thats where im comes in.

as a Big Asian Sister myself, i GOT where she came from. she used reverse psychology, something that i do with my little siblings alllll the time to try and get them to do and think the opposite of what they are doing or thinking. if my sister has an exam tomorrow and she isnt studying, instead of telling her to go and study, i just tell her "yeah you keep playing genshin impact and then wonder why you failed your exam tomorrow". its. i GOT it when she was tryna tell akk that maybe its about how its time now that you need to take that step to overcome your fears for yourself. you Know you want theo, so go and get him and make a better life for yourself. if theo has been selfish (in the sense of his desires in he just wanting akk) and akk has been selfless (in the sense that he's always made sure that theo was happy) throughout the entire show, then it was so nice to see theo being selfless (by not making akk wait anymore or dragging him into this will he/when will he come back??) and akk being selfish (doing what he had to bc he wanted theo and taking those steps and measures to realise he wasnt confident in who he was before but he is a little more bc of his hard work to get to where he is now). the subtle nod we got into them self-introspecting and self-developing was so nice!! given the show was only 10 eps!!! so i cant even imagine if it did have 12 eps as per usual, we would have seen a little more too! but even then, i'm satisfied, bc i can do a bit of brain work and realise what they were implying.

and to just. KNOW. that they're together! and they can go back to thailand whenever for however long and then go back to france whenever for however long or go anywhere!!! whenever!! for however long!!! and through all of space and time its only ever been them two for each other!!! there's just so so so much love there. soooooo much love. and even time after when they kiss its still the same. its still desperate and they hold each other so ... close, still so desperately and when they hug its so warm and comforting and tight and searing, just like how they cuddled in theo's bed.

and they're 2 grown adults now that are working towards their own dreams so diligently for themselves at the same time too! how realistic! i'm so pleased we got to see the emphasis on that!!

and they're engaged!!!!!!! of course they are!!!! of course they plan to spend the rest of their lives together!! and i know some people said that akktheo havent communicated enough for them to be agreeing to marriage just yet. but its not like theyre gonna get married the next day. i think they just. they Know. that if they were to marry, its that they both will, to each other, someday, and that the proposal was the last act of devotion to one another for us to see. theyre gonna spend time, PROPER LENGTHY time, as boyfriends and fiances, and someday when the time feels right, they'll go from best friends > boyfriends > fiances > husbands, and commit.

and so i feel like. even though their story is complete, it just feels like. yeah. we're a special episode away from it being fully finished. and who knows, man. maybe we will get it someday.

but yeah. i just. i'm biased. i love them. i love forcebook. what can i do? i'm force here squishing book's cheeks as a an act of showing how endearing i find them. they have my whole heart and i cant WAIT to see whats next for them.

[sokumotanaka]

Name 1 time Team RWBY didn't care about or help people in the show!

Well yeah

Yang destroyed a nightclub with innocent patrons in it, no, before anyone assumes so they weren't STILL in when it crumbled but Yang walked in enticed a fight and them when the dude was gonna let it slide instigated it. Weather Jr. was a bad guy or not she brought a fight to a place with innocent civilians and didn't even glace back or feel bad once.

(yang's gonna get alot of these, be on the look out.)

And no these aren't in order nor am I gonna remember every single instant cause you idiots get uppity about technicalities like how "DUUUR Ozpin isn't their boss, he's their leader." Crap.

vv read more for mobile vv

In volume 1

- Yang calls a stranger she never met a lost cause cause she wasn't "graced" by yang's presence.

- Velvet was getting bullied and they all sat there, people sworn to protect the peace just watched racism happen (Mimics IRL too!) but only cared when jaune was involved.

- "You're discriminatory!" "I'm a victim!"

- The filthy faunus from the boat

- weiss went on a racist rant about faunus and never apologized to Blake or Sun. She then worded it as if she was doing weiss a favor for being the way she was.

- "I lieeeed" Thanks jaune you're creepy and an asshole

In volume 2

- Yang barely knows Blake and is shoving her to prove a point, even if she cares about her, shoving a stressed out and tired woman then inviting yourself for a hug is super uncomfortable.

- they drag a mech to a freeway sending cars flying and they dont even talk about it or try to see if those people are okay.

- Faunus are lied to by humans that the train they're taking that the explosives will be used to topple the government, the characters never try to explain that roman is just gonna use them as bodies and they could all try to stop him and disarm the bombs and try fixing the government together. There's never a talk.

- They seal the entrance and murder a bunch of faunus and then take a nap.

In volume 3

- Even if mercury is a villain from yang's perspective he's a fellow challenger and she punches him way after his aura breaks which was considered illegal.

- Pretty much everyone literally going "In this friendly competition, let's smack talk that we're gonna make the other bleed." (I know who says that but Yatsu literally is like "I wont hold back." like this is suppose to be FRIENDLY.

- Yang gets pissed that blake registers this thing called fear and guilt and runs away cause she blames herself for her Ex's mental stability. But later Yang admits she wanted her there physically for her benefit, fuck whatever blake wanted I guess.

In volume 4

- "Oh no we gotta hurry to haven, let's walk."

- Ren: I should probably tell them there's a powerful grimm at my old home and they're carrying an injured man but I dont wanna. (Confirmed by miles btw that he wanted to show that there's a bit of selfishness in that decision...but If you're my friend and there's a shark in the water I'll still tell you? Cause I'm not an asshole.)

- Everything to do with Qrow

- Everything to do with jaune's manpain

-Blake about to draw her weapon on a ship captain

- Weiss doesn't' even yell no or reach out as her summon is about to attack a person.

In volume 5

- Ozpin not teaching ruby to use her silver eyes or even telling her.

- Yang literally punching a dude in a bar (No I'm not saying he didnt deserve it. But Miles and kerry call it yang brushing him off in the commentary and you dont brush a person off by grabbing them so they couldn't be brushed off, that's the opposite XD)

- Them arriving in mistral and not being in a hurry to tell anyone in charge about cinder, what she plans to do and anything about beacon.

- Oscar literally projecting on ruby for no reason (honestly we didn't need a second jaune, ruby barely get's development but that's a whole other rant.)

- "Humans didn't do this WE did." Bitch they just live there don't tell them they gotta EARN equality, was this written by a brainlet? (Yes it was)

- Ruby punching oscar a kid with no battle experience square in the face during sparring and cheering after.

- Literally forgiving Ironwood, genocidal ass but instantly going "Let's just murder leo the minority. No jail time, no "why's" just end them from Ozpin.

volume 6

- TURN OFF THE TURRETS PROTECTING THE TRAIN AND KILLING GRIMM THE PEOPLE ARE SCARED XD

- Yang trying to intimidate maria for going "hey fighting in a blizzard is dangerous for two reasons, 1. it's a blizzard and 2. Grimm sense all of your guy's anger, we should find shelter." And yang tries to tell her to shut up XD

- Qrow punching a child regardless of his feelings on ozpin, he's still hosting a child's body

- Team RWBY drawing their weapons on oscar

- Oscar helping them find jinn's name and kinda holding ozpin back and then after Qrow punches him yang balls up her fist and demands he bring him back out. (No matter how stressed you are, oscar is still a child and if your uncle is gonna punch, you the more rash of the two will definitely punch.

- Them being invited into jaune's sister's house and jaune putting a hole in the wall and it never comes up with the couple.

- Jaune yelling at oscar and grabbing him by his collar and for some reason the kid looks up to him???

- Ruby's stupid "we never needed adult help" speech while she sits in an adult couple's house and got lead there by adults and learned how to use her silver eyes to save her and her friends by an elderly lady literally standing behind her. (Great, selfish)

- Salem (she isn't a hero but people for some reason sympathize with her) Literally watches people get thanos snapped and just goes "I'll bring more." She had to spend at least a week with these people to form alliances, and get to know some of them and this was all for ONE GUY! This is literally what people laugh at Obito for it's the exact same motivation of making a pile of people's bodies all of their benefit.

- Also Salem: Walking through the empty world literally going "oh no with no people....how will I get my revenge!?" This is shippuden Esc Writing.

Future volumes

(So I stopped at vol 6 thank god but a friend of mine told me what happened in the future arcs.)

- Literally NOW weiss owns up for her family and her complicit attitude only for a new faunus to go "well it doesn't involve me so I dont care."

- Ren calling out yang's rash attitude and then her stepping infront of him fist balled, because again yang thinks she's a god and getting her ideas and thoughts questioned or challenge invites PHYSICAL VIOLENCE.

And no I dont care about future volumes so dont come into my inbox preaching "Oh well jaune ran into a house and saved some kittens so that should absolve all of their heavy flaws cause I'm a smart." : )

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. RUDE APOLOGISM MASTERPOST

you may be asking "Oh dear god what has Finn gotten up to this time?" well, that my friend, is a very valid question! The answer to which is as follows: He's rewatched every single TMMS segment with Mr. Rude in it to prove that he's done nothing wrong!

After many many hours of rewatching, I've come to some conclusions on the depressed tomato man. I'll give a quick rundown here, then throw my episode by episode analysis under the cut.

Season 1

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 1.

In only 3 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 4 of the episodes where he's innocent, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Season 2

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 2.

In only 6 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 1 of the episodes where he's innocent, as well as one where he did do something wrong, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Rude only actually did anything wrong in 9 out of the 60 segments he's in, which is 15%. That's less than a quarter of the time. Even counting the three episodes I was unsure about, that's only 12/60. 20%. Still less than a quarter.

Why have I been bringing up Mr. Fussy? Because this experience genuinely made me not like him anymore. In only one out of Mr. Fussy's 7 appearances with Mr. Rude does he not yell at him, and in five of the times he does - it was completely unjustified.

Now, onto the episode by episode section!

Ah, you wanna see my episode by episode analysis? Well, I'll give you a quick color legend first.

Yellow - Mr. Rude does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Rude does something wrong

Blue - Mr. Fussy yells at Mr. Rude for no reason

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

Also, there's a ton of cursing in here because I wrote these notes as I went along and I don't feel like editing them to be more professional. You get what you get when it comes to Mr. Rude apologism.

SEASON 1

Flying - He does nothing wrong, he just asked Mr. Grumpy to do his fucking job. Though, I will admit, he was a dick about it.

Music - He does nothing wrong, Miss Naughty is a fucking bitch and Mr. Fussy targeted him for no got damn reason even though he has fucking ears and should have heard Miss Naughty going off on her fucking cymbals. Miss Naughty also tried to poison him so

Farm - He does nothing wrong, those bitch ass crows broke his fucking robot I cant believe this.

Booboos - He does nothing wrong, he literally just wants some decent service while he is in the fucking hospital and Mr. Scatterbrain is a fucking moron about it

Mall - He's barely in it and I will admit he is a bit of an asshole in this one but he doesn't do anything explicitly wrong

Birthday - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to buy a birthday present for his homie Mr. Grumpy. In fact, he shows that he cares about his friend because he knows what he would want (and gets something he wouldnt like, presumably as a joke). Hes a caring friend but also a troll.

Superstore - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to return his shitty toaster. It ends up well for everyone involved :)

Books - He does nothing wrong, he is literally just neurodivergent and cannot read social situations

Camping - He does nothing wrong, he tried to warn everyone that they were going the wrong way, and then called out Miss Whoops on her fucking bullshit and putting everyone in danger. He then proceeded to fucking die. Miss Daredevil doesnt even give a shit about two of the raft riders fucking dying what the fuck.

Paint - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to finish his painting commission.

Jobs - This is the one I time I'll admit he does something really wrong. He commits multiple driving related crimes, as well as throwing his sandwich at Mr. Quiet, splashing Mr. Nosey and Mr. Small, and taking advantage of Mr. Scatterbrain's stupidity. He also crumpled up Mr. Scatterbrain's drawing of a hamster.

Trains - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy's a bitch ass motherfucker, and he did more good than bad because he rescued Mr. Messy at the end.

Fair - He does nothing wrong, he got a fucking pie yeeted at him of course he wouldn't like it. He does put the pie in Mr. Scatterbrain's face though but he already got it in his face so it's just even now. He then proceeds to be pelted with pies. But thankfully it seems like they're both having fun by the end.

Movies - Yeah he's a bit of an asshole in this one. He puts too much cheese on Mr. Happy's nachos (and then throws them at him). He does get his karma though cause he gets fucking trapped in the popcorn machine someone please save him oh my god.

Dance - He does nothing wrong, he just has taste.

Inventions - He does nothing wrong, Miss Chatterbox just doesnt like him for the way he is which is super fucked up of her. What the fuck, man. He accepts Miss Chatterbox's invention regardless. He then proceeds to be abused by everyone around him. Hes totally justified in being mean at the end.

Amusement Park - Okay yeah he was an asshole in this one, cause he was rude to Miss Calamity about her supposed grooming habits. However, he was also abused a lot during multiple of the bumpers, which I guess counts as karma.

Adventure - He literally doesnt even do anything in this one

Rainy Day - Dude, his entire fucking family died. Give him a break.

Games - He did nothing wrong, he won the fucking game but Mr. Scatterbrain took the credit what the fuck he only had 3 POINTS MR RUDE HAD 4 MR. HAPPY YOU DUMB YELLOW FUCK LEARN HOW TO COUNT

Restaurants - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy is so fucking mean to him I will never get over this he deserves so much better what the fuck

Cars - he's just vibin man

Canned Goods - He does nothing wrong, he just ate some beans man

Collecting - he's barely in it and just kinda vibes

Full Moon - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got kidnapped by some fucking aliens with his alien husband

Heatwave - He does nothing wrong, 6 gay men just casually committed acts of Home Invasion and are going to be arrested for their crimes against him.

Sleep - He does nothing wrong, and I doubt anyone would have even noticed he was asleep if Miss Chatterbox kept her fucking mouth shut. He cant control what hes doing if hes fucking asleep. Even after all that he still clapped for Mr. Fussy, who hates him, at the end. What a champ.

Carwash - He does nothing wrong, Miss Calamity technically fucking kidnapped him what the fuck.

Lawns - He does nothing wrong, he didn't want to take his lawn to begin with and then got his lawn ruined for literally no reason, even after warning Me. Nosey and Mr. Small that their invention was gonna explode. He even gave Miss Chatterbox the joy in knowing she "won".

Parade - He does nothing wrong, he legit just made a float and Mr. Fussy fucking bullied him for it. What the fuck.

SEASON 2

Clean Teeth - Yeah hes a bitch in this one but Mr. Fussy was also a bitch so it evens out.

Airports - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted to go on his flight. Of anything, Miss Scary was more rude than he was.

Game Shows - He does nothing wrong like. Genuinely nothing, and then gets physically assaulted.

Hats - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Grumpy's just a fucking bitch and took credit for both his and Mr. Tickles hats. What the fuck, man.

Robots - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got his baguette burnt wtf

Up and Down - He's fine for the first bit but I will admit hes an asshole in the second one

Gifts - He does nothing wrong, he's just trying to keep Mr. Tickle from fucking assaulting people. Then his entire store is destroyed for no reason.

Sun and Moon - He does nothing wrong, he barely did anything at all

Telephone - I refused to watch this one I just know hes a bitch in it

Washing and Drying - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted his laundry done and he got assaulted at the end. Why is this a trend.

Fruit - He stole Miss Sunshines fucking fruit and then proceeded to endanger everyone around him by driving recklessly. What the fuck, man.

Radio - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Scatterbrain is just a moron, and Miss Whoops is a dumbass.

Supermarket - ???

Cinema - He doesn't do anything wrong, and he looks very nice in his new hat.

Post Office - He doesn't do anything wrong, hes trying his best okay (he also gets covered in stamps at the end)

Pets - He doesn't do anything wrong, he doesn't do anything at all

Dance Dance Dance - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Fussy's a fucking bitch

Trees - He doesn't do anything wrong, someone free him

Library - He didnt even do anything man

Pirates - He doesn't do anything wrong, in fact he is the first to jump in and protect his crewmates from the aliens. He also saves the entire space crew in the end.

Trains and Planes - He doesn't do anything wrong, he barely does anything to begin with

Out to Sea - He doesn't do anything wrong, it makes sense for him to act in his own self interest because he was stuck on a deserted island with those three morons for 30 fucking days. He didn't intend to take the boat, because the tide rolled him out. He is now inevitably going to die.

Next Door - Yeah hes a bitch in this one, but he didnt deserve to get his fucking car crushed.

Lunch - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn drew first blood.

Machines - This is a weird one. Is he really in the wrong for wanting to go home? I mean, it's safe to assume Miss Giggles is fucking dead if she was taken by a dinosaur. He even vows not to doubt Miss Daredevil at the end and is happy to see Miss Giggles okay

Fairies and Gnomes - even though he thinks it's silly that Mr. Nervous is scared of a garden gnome, he still "arrests" it to make him happy :)

Home Improvement - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn is just a moron.

Birds - He doesn't do anything wrong, he was even nice enough to invite Mr. Nervous along for the birdwatching trip. He's totally justified in not giving a shit about Mr. Fussy because Mr. Fussy has been nothing bit horrible to him the entire show.

Parks - He does nothing wrong he just wanted a burger

Surprises - Refused to watch this one again, I just know hes a bitch

Wow, that's a lot. Anyways, as a proud Mr. Rude apologist, I conclude that he's an innocent man and doesn't deserve the shit he gets. I can get taking his drivers license though that man cannot drive for the life of him

[acciostorian]

mae reads the kane chronicles: the serpent’s shadow the red pyramid

(aka we see mae go through many emotions in the space of 2-3 days)

holy fuck ive only got to the contents and the chapters have those classic pjo click bait titles i’m so happy rn

WAIT IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT- the serpent’s shadow is the THIRD BOOK. uh-oh i almost fucked this whole series over lemme change the book real quick....

i’m literally on the first page and i’ve already been sent on a mission, so the kanes are THOSE bitches

SADIE AND KANE ARE BRITISH???? omg yes please

THEYRE IN LONDON MY HOME

never fucking mind they’re from LA

oh wait sadie was raised as a british kid. that’s very sexy of her.

carter be like, “you wouldn’t be interested in my dad’s lectures.” SHUT UP CARTER I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT EGYPTIAN PUNISHMENT

so sadie was raised in east london???? THATS SO SEXC BECAUSE ME TOO BOO

sadie has a british accent. a b r i t i s h a c c e n t.

FIT

“six years in london and she thinks she’s james bond” LMAO

sadie’s so emo/alt i love it. does rick always write his characters like this??

sadie pronounces it “mum” and carter says “mom”

it’s so refreshing to read mum ngl

sadie said bloke omg

i’m feeling carter’s pain. little sisters are shits and honestly sadie has the same vibes as my little sister and me and carter are quite similar. i hate this.

oh wow they really said sadie was too white for their family...

sadie did not HESITATE to be like, “yeah dad we’ll lock that guy in his office. mint.”

sadie telling the story is an experience

sadie said “maths” and “mates” in the same sentence. this is some refreshing shit.

sadie’s friends saying carter is hot is fucking hilarious. like it’s a classic piss-off to thirst over your mate’s sibling

THEYRE GETTING DEPORTED????

LMAO AMOS WAS LIKE, “yeah we don’t talk about manhattan. they’ve got their own problems. *cough percy jackson cough*”

i read thoth the god of knowledge as thot the god of knowledge

carter is right, amos has undeniable swag

philip of macedonia. the crocodile. cool.

i love how the greeks and romans be like “if we don’t honour the gods we’ll get SLAUGHTERED” and the egyptians are like “you know what? fuck the gods me and my homies hate the gods”

sadie kane would stab you in a back alley and dance to mcr as you bled to death and carter kane would take you to a museum, tell you everything about everything and then commit a terrorist attack

amos really went “don’t touch anything, the cats in charge and peace out bitches” and then fucking jumped off the balcony of his five storey mansion

sadie made that door go BANG

that fucking clay statue came to life and not one of them screamed. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF.

i’m giggling, all the greek/roman gods have really long/scary/cool sounding names like tartarus and chaos and nyx but the evilest guy in egyptian myth is called set. S E T.

please make muffin some crazy badass animal like crookshanks or swiftwind.

WHO DARES THROW HANDS WITH PHILIP?????

THE SHABTI FUCKING STOLE AN ARTEFACT THATS AMAZING

i love carter sm, even tho he’s scared as fuck he still picked up that ancient sword and was like “ig i’ll bash some heads in whilst sadie holds the cat”

MUFFIN JUST TURNED INTO SOME WARRIOR CAT LADY AND SHE INSTANTLY GAVE ME CATRA VIBES

every cat in new york is helping them

bast jacked that car like it was nobody’s business

i used to think the greek gods were stupid for having so many things to control but honestly the egyptians are taking the piss, do you really need a whole scorpion goddess?

the kane siblings are written so well. like i actually BELIEVE they’re siblings

i think carters gonna become a comfort character now... like i relate on another level. little siblings always take the spot light and you have to act level headed and calm because the younger ones start shit and you’re like “i gotta be the good one because my family would fall to shit if i didn’t behave.” so big kudos to carter, i love you

so carter’s a king huh? I DIDNT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT RICK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS

zia was like “king tut?? ugh he was such a boy, there were waaaaay cooler tombs out there x x”

i read “nectanebo II” as “nintendo II” and i was like ??? when was that a thing

i drinking camomile tea whilst reading this and i feel so peaceful uwu

sadie really can do magic like THAT like bitch be like “i just copied what zia did and yeah it worked lol”

okay so i’m sorta feeling bad about sadies life rn but i’m still very pro carter

set’s laugh makes me uncomfortable. because when most villains laugh it’s usually described like “their laugh was like a knife, cold and sharp. i hates it.” but when sadie discribed set’s laugh she was like “it was warm and friendly. beautiful.” LIKE AAAA THATS A RED LIGHT

set: the god of theatre because gods dam is he a good actor

sadie saw some hot emo guy and was like “omg marry me”

iskandar be like “lmao imma speak in alexandria greek all the time but this girl bouta die? i switch to perfect english for dramatic effect”

woooOooaaaah SLOW DOWN THERE BUDDY, tongue tattoos???

zia: you guys will probably suck at this at first but oh well we all can’t be great

sadie: *makes fire first time* wooosh

sadie and kane: *doing cool shit* me and my tea: sluuuurrrp

bast is so sassy i love it

me when it’s a sadie chapter: okay ig :/

me when it’s a carter chapter: HOLY SHIT CARTER HEY OMG YOURE DOING CRAZY STUFF???? COOL. i love you.

bast: so yeah, you’d be stupid to teleport to paris, this is desjardin’s home territory

sadie and kane, lying in the streets of paris: oh cool cool

sadie: like i might die rn but i don’t care, as long as it doesn’t get filmed and put in youtube, that would be embarrassing

like ???? sis get your priorities together smh

sadie: *sees hot emo guy again in her spirit adventure, he hints that’s he’s dead or something*

also sadie: so will i see you again?

“no, an egyptian drink. you’ve heard of hot chocolate? this is rather like hot vanilla.” dam now i want some.

carter is an amazing older brother. he’s written perfectly and he’s a great character to relate to for me. even though sadie can make his blood boil, he dropped everything to calm her down when she was panicking about not being able to change back from a bird. i too have to do that for my little sister - sadie and ava are ironically the same age - so i find that very comforting that there is someone like me to relate to!

‘a businessman with a rolling suitcase was waiting by the doors. his eyes widened when he saw me. i must’ve looked pretty strange — a tall black kid in dirty, ragged egyptian clothes, with a weird box tucked under one arm and a bird of prey perched on the other.

‘“how’s it going?” i said. “i’ll take the stairs.” he hurried off.’ LMAO THIS IS WHY CARTER BABY I LOVE YOU

highkey pissed that carters like “i’m always edgy around the police. once i turned eleven they started giving me the Look. when it doesn’t happen it’s always a pleasant surprise.” LIKE FUCK NO HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND UNHASSLED WHATS WRONG WITH HIM

lmao bast be like “imma jump off this national monument. see ya at the airport in my finest clothes and jewellery x”

FOOD UPDATE: i’m eating a chocolate covered waffles and having some tea and i feel so happy rn sorry i know you don’t care but like aaaaaaa

bast called carter her little tomcat and my heart exploded

bast really likes convertibles huh

thoth: i hate rereading my old writing, my present self would never write like this now!! SOMEONE GET ME A RED PEN

are they... are they going to dig up elvis presley?

might put some elvis in for this part, y’know, to set the mood?

i cant stop reading ‘thoth’ as thot even though i know how to pronounce it

the captain with a axe for a head: my name is bloodstained battle axe 😸

yuh bast did some shit ...

imma stop now because spoilers, GO READ THE KANE CHRONICLES THEY ARE THE MOST UNDERRATED RIORDANVERSE BOOKS X X

[swampgallows]

i was writin it in the tags before i maxed em out but it had me thinking about how much more shit i did in college because i actually had access to shit. for one, there was a viable public transit system there. there was a bus stop literally outside my dorm, and i used to take the bus all kinds of places and just walk around the city and shit. i did tons of things i previously would not have accessible to me because i didnt drive. back when disney passes were cheap as fuck i had days where id swing by disneyland after class just to hop on a ride or two and then go home. i went to parks, beaches, the aquarium, the movies, clubs, raves, morris dancing, restaurants, the mall, and all kinds of shit on my own because i could actually physically fucking get there. the only real challenge a lot of the time was if i bought anything to get it home (i remember walking half a mile with a full length mirror back to my dorm because i kept missing the bus). but the point is that i DID SHIT. i wasnt constantly being micromanaged by people in my environment about what food i bought or what i ate, where i went and when, etc. and i had the resources to actually go fucking do things.

it all came crashing down, i think, when i got into that series of bad relationships. i dont think i was aware of it at the time, but that was about the time that things were ramping up toward something great and then i was betrayed by people close to me and continuously shot down. i didnt know how to process those toxic relationships, and part of me still doesn’t. almost ten years later im still trying to recover from the damage of them. yes, it was the same time that i was having heightened anxiety and the worst period of panic attacks in my life, which were and are awful and shitty, but i also had very understanding and supportive friends who were there for me during that time. it would be no different than if i got very sick and had friends who took care of me. i was having a human experience and because i had a good support network, i was able to cope.

so like. of course i got depressed when my boyfriend would hate-fuck me and embarrass me on purpose in public or in front of his friends. of course i felt too scared and sad to go to class when i was constantly being told my art wasn’t good enough and was a waste of time and “useless to society”. of course i hid in my room playing video games with rude assholes because at least they couldnt touch me. of course i didnt want to open up to people when they told me it was “fascinating the way your mind mistreats you”. 

of course i got suicidal when i got zero weekend days off for three straight years. not even easter sunday, even though greek easter usually falls on a completely separate sunday. of course i didnt want to live anymore when i couldnt see or be with my friends or express myself naturally. of course i would be depressed about waking up at 7am every day to stand in a cold room alone for 8 hours and not even be paid enough to live.

friends and family and past teachers on facebook can encourage me to go on medication, but for what? will a SSRI pay me a living wage? is celexa going to make men treat me better? will prozac install a public transit system in my area, or help me move to a place where a better one already exists? xanax didnt sit in the car with me to teach me to drive and offer support, but it did help me recuperate from the dozens of screaming crying fits and panic attacks i had while orchestrating my own exposure therapy. it took years for me to get acclimated to just sitting in the driver’s seat of my car while it was off without having a complete meltdown and slamming it full speed into the garage to kill myself. because i am still so mad that i learned so late, that nobody gave a shit about me enough to teach me, that i had to shell out hundreds if not thousands of dollars on lessons with complete strangers to learn this skill that has become mandatory for survival in the place i live. i had to use money to replace the love and support normally given by family or my community.

i am trying to condition myself to see my car as an emblem of freedom, but it feels like a cage. it costs so much money, it is so scary and exhausting to operate it, and everything in this world and society is forcing me to use it. and honestly it feels like, because i have it, i have run out of “excuses” for not being employed. that if i have a car, i should be able to go to any job whatsoever and sit in my car in traffic for four hours a day like every other average person in l.a. even at the trader joes i interviewed at THREE TIMES before they eventually didnt bring me on, i would have to drive anywhere from 30-45 minutes to work every fucking day just to work at a fucking grocery store. i know people see those numbers and go ‘psh that’s nothing! my commute is so much longer!’ and that just feels like hustle propaganda. like why are you proud that you have to sit in your car in fucking traffic every day to do a job that you probably could (and now probably do) work at from home?

the shitty case worker i had, tonya, could not offer a suggestion to me when i brougth this up to her. how is medication going to make me more employable? how am i not supposed to blow my brains out when my life is going to be sitting in a car that i struggle to operate to go to a job that doesnt pay me enough to live and then doing that forever until i die? why dont i skip all that and just die right now? why live through that? all she could say was “well, that’s just how it is.” 

The much more obvious answer is that mental disorders, while influenced by genetic factors, are largely caused by trauma and context, and that oppressed groups of people experience way more trauma under capitalism, and are way less able to navigate the context of American society because it was built without them in mind, and in many cases to intentionally harm them.

this is why im going to be mentally ill forever, man. because i can’t fucking adapt to a society that doesn’t care about me. why would i do that? is it not inherently harmful and mentally ill to perpetuate an unhealthy environment? why belong to a society if we don’t care about the people in it? who is society for? if these circumstances were due to a partner, they’d tell me to leave them. if these circumstances were due to my living situation with my family or roommates, they’d tell me to move out. so must i leave society? do i have to live off the grid? do i have to hunt game and skin animals for fur and build my own shelter? even if i wanted to, like many natural peoples, capitalism is taking those things away too. look at first nations and indigenous people. look at the multitudes of the people experiencing homelessness and mental illness simultaneously. 

it is all so obvious when you’re on the outside. no one expects, or wants, people like me to survive. the whole point is that we do not belong to society. the whole point is that capitalism wants me dead. my suicidality means capitalism is working as intended.

[getbacktoworknovice]

🐾Strays

[A modern day one shot about you finding and bringing a puppy home, something your roommate, Shay Cormac, isnt too crazy about at first. In this AU you’ve been roomies for three years~ ]

You loved the rain.

While others were more content to cower under their umbrellas, you always preferred to walk with your head tilted back, letting the drops fall onto your face and slide down your cheeks and nose. It felt wonderful.

When the weather channel announced there would be a series of rain-storms in your area all week you’d hit the ceiling you were so happy. While others found their joy in sunny days, these were the days you lived for. You loved it so much…

You had just finished your early morning shift at the restaurant and you were exhausted but thankful you didn’t live too far away. You had to walk as you couldn’t really afford a car but you didn’t mind. It was good for you and gave you some time to mull over what you had to do that day as well as what errands you had to run.

Your music was plugged into your ears as you walked down the sidewalk your head bobbing gently to the song playing on your phone. At first, you didn’t notice the movement in the alleyway. You preferred not to wander into those parts of the city but you stopped when you realized it was a dog.

A puppy to be more exact.

It was digging through an overturned trashcan, pawing at the remains of what looked to be an ice cream carton. The poor thing was skin and bones, its ribs clearly visible and you could see it was shivering. Cautiously you took a step into the alley, lowering yourself a bit so you wouldn’t scare it off.

Giving a soft whistle to get its attention the little puppies head jerked around to face you and to your disbelief you saw that one of his eyes was missing. It didnt look as if it had been torn out in a fight or anything, it just looked as if it had been born without one.

Perhaps the reason it was now digging in the garbage.

No one wanted a dog with one eye…but seeing the poor thing in its condition you felt your heart squeeze and in that moment YOU wanted it. Making your hand into a fist you gently eased it towards the puppy and it backed up a step.

“Shhh, its okay,” you assured it softly, creeping closer slightly. “I wont hurt you…boy?” You guessed as you couldn’t really tell from where you were. To your surprise the little puppy was only weary for a moment before it came over to you, sniffing the air about you curiously.

It was then you remembered the food in your backpack.

You were a waitress at a family owned restaurant and you got along well with everyone, including the cook (who always called you Sugar) and today he had given you some lasagna to take home. He used you as his guinea pig for new recipes sometimes and this new chicken lasagna was quite an experiment.

It looked like his guinea pig would have to be a puppy this time.

Sliding your backpack off your shoulders you reached in to pull out the plastic tub to which the little puppies ears perked up. Inching a little closer to meet the curious nose of the puppy you popped the lid off the container and offered it to him.

The tub hadn’t even hit the cement before the little thing began to chow down, its entire head in the bowl as it ate everything it could. You smiled and giggled when you saw its little tail wagging back and forth so fast you were surprised he didnt fly off.

When it had devoured every bit of lasagna and licked all traces from its lips it looked up at you with its one blue eye. The next thing you knew it was in your lap trying to lick your face. You laughed aloud and gave it a scratch behind the ears, finally able to see that it was in fact a boy and that he looked to be a husky mix of sorts.

He was white you could tell but all the caked on dirt and mud and God knows what else made him look gray and filthy but you knew underneath it all he was going to beautiful. Even if he wasn’t he had already won your heart.

The next thing you knew you were carrying him through the front door of the town-house you shared with your roommate. You didn’t know how he would take this but you certainly hoped it wasn’t bad. The first thing you were worried about right now however was getting this little puppy a bath.

Going into the bathroom you started up the water, plugging up the bathtub so the water could fill up. The puppy had struggled at first, not taking to the idea but once you got him in the tub he settled down, even seeming to enjoy getting all the mess out of his fur.

It took a good thirty minutes to get all the sticky patches, clumped dirt and grass stains out his fur but you had been right. He was pure white and even though you could see his bone structure poking through his skin he was still the cutest thing youd ever seen.

It was right then you realized you had no food for him.

Cursing to yourself as you finished drying him off you moved to grab up your tip money from your backpack. Shay was still asleep and there was NO way you were gonna ask him to dog-sit while you went to get food. So you did the only thing you could think of.

You left him in the bathroom.

You had no idea the puppy would start barking. Then howling. Then wake up Shay. Who proceeded to open the door wondering what the noise was and let the animal loose in the house. When you got home Shay was standing in the kitchen, leaned against the counter, arms crossed, with an extremely annoyed look on his face.

You bit your lip.

“So uh, I take it you met out little house guest?” You said trying to lighten the mood but the dark circles under his eyes only made his glare at you look angrier. Jerking his thumb behind him towards the bathroom door you could now hear the puppy scratching, trying to get out. “Why the hell is there a dog in our bathroom?” He asked eying the bag of dog food in your arms warily. “I found him earlier,” you said, placing the bag on the table. “Did you see how skinny he was, the poor thing needed me.” You insisted but Shays face remained impassive.

He worked long twelve hour shifts out on a fishing rig so when he got home all he wanted to do was sleep. Since you had interrupted his nine hour hibernation he was in a bit of a mood. You handt meant to disturb him but it seemed the damage was done and you rubbed the back of your head sheepishly.

“I’m really sorry Shay,” You apologized. “I didn’t even think about it when I left him here, I just wanted to help him.” You said feeling bad for waking him up. For not even thinking about him before you decided to do this.

Seeing you were sincere Shay gave a sigh and rubbed his head, his messy hair falling into his eyes. “Look, its fine just…take care of it will ya?” He asked giving you an almost pleading look as you could tell he just wanted to go back to bed. Nodding eagerly to assure him you put a gentle hand to his arm.

“I will, I promise, just go get some sleep okay?” you urged, moving to push him from the kitchen back towards the stairs that led to his bedroom. “Go on, get!” You teased with a smile and Shay gave you a very small one in return.

“Aye, fine, but keep it down.” He said before lumbering back up the stairs. Once you heard his door shut you gave a relieved sigh before startling a bit as the puppy began to howl again. Rushing to the bathroom you threw open the door only to be greeted by a complete mess with the puppy sitting in the middle of it his tail wagging.

Groaning internally at the unrolled toilet paper, the chewed on shower curtain and rug and (what you suspected to be) a small puddle of pee by the toilet you gave the puppy a stern look. “Look here mister, your gonna have to calm down,” You lectured as you went to pick him up. “Shay needs his sleep and you have a LOT to make up for.”

It took a little while but you finally got the puppy, who you named Cyclone, fed, cleaned up and comfortable. You had spent at least an hour getting all the dirt and mites out of his ears and had been making a mental list of things you were going to need for him.

Food and water dishes, de-wormer, ear mite medicine, a brush, something for him to chew on (as he seemed to be teething) and not to mention a trip to the vet. It was already starting to add up and you’d only had him a few hours.

As you sat on the couch with the puppy curled up beside you, you began to debate whether or not to make Found posters for him. True he was a little menace at times but he was still a puppy. He was going to be hyper for a time but you weren’t sure Shay would appreciate that. Especially when you had to be at work…

No, you couldn’t keep him. No matter how your heart was pained at the idea you knew you had to give him up. Shay already did so much for you, you weren’t about to complicate things by bringing a dog into it…

No matter how much you were already in love with him.

Xxx

You found it hard to concentrate at work the next day.

You already missed Cyclone so much. Even if you had only had him a day you felt there was a bond between the two of you and wished you didn’t have to give him up. But it was for the best. On your way home you gave a mournful look at the alleyway where you’d found him, hoping and praying he would find a good home.

The vets at the humane society were amazing so you knew he would get the best care and up to a healthy weight before they put him up for adoption which was good. You wanted the person who adopted him to see him as the beautiful animal that you loved. That you could see even under all the dirt and the one eye…

To your surprise, Shay was awake when you got home, leaning against the counter as he ate a bowl of ice cream. Ah, this meant his week off had started. You hadnt realized it was already that time of month.

“Hey you.” He said as you came in and sat your backpack on the table. Sitting down with a sigh you nodded your head to him. “Hey Shay, how was your night?” You asked pulling out your apron so you could count your tip money.

“Good, cant ya tell?” He teased as he came over to watch you go about your business. “I’m pigging out on rocky road.” With his think Irish accent, some things Shay said struck you as funny. For some reason that just made you laugh.

“I see that, you gonna share?” You asked teasingly and he looked to you as if that was the most offensive question he’d ever heard before breaking into a grin. “I cannae believe you would ask such a thing!” He chuckled before he dug his spoon into the soft sweet and offered it to you.

The two of you were like brother and sister, when he did things like this it didn’t make you blush or go “ew” you simply smiled and took it. Taking the bite he offered and giving a delighted hum at the taste. “Mmn it tastes like an Irishman!” You teased and he laughed aloud.

“Ya tasted that too didja?” He teased as he took his spoon back to continue eating. “By the way, I wanted to tell ya ya got that dog really well trained, I haven’t heard him all mornin’.” He said as he finished off his ice cream and went to wash his bowl.

“Well, that’s because he isnt here.” You tried not to sound too depressed when you said this. You knew it was for the best. Wiping his hands on a towel Shay turned to look at you curiously. “Eh? What do you mean he isnt here?” He said cocking his brow in confusion. “He didnt die did he?” He asked suddenly as he had seen how bad in shape the puppy had been.

Giving a bit of a chuckle you shook your head. “No, no he’s fine. I just…c'mon Shay I couldn’t keep him.” You admitted, finally saying it out loud. “Our sleeping schedules are just too different and it was totally selfish of me to expect you to be okay with that.” You said putting your tip money in your pocket as you had finished counting it.

“I know it would be hard too because of his still being a puppy and he’ll howl and chew on stuff and stress you out and…I dont wanna do that.” You said getting up from the table with your backpack. “You do too much for me already Shay, I’m not gonna ask you to sacrifice your sleep as well.” You said giving him a good natured punch on the arm. “I mean c'mon we both know you need that.” You said, and even managed a chuckle.

Shay looked surprised and gave a bit of a smile as you walked away. “You know, this is incredibly mature of you.” He teased and you rolled your eyes as you made your way to your room. “Eat it ya leprechaun.” you teased as you always did when he would say such things.

“Love you too!” he called.

Xxx

You didnt know why but it became a habit when you passed that alleyway.

To poke your head in.

Even after two months you still missed Cyclone. You wondered if anyone had adopted him yet. A family maybe? Or a single person in need of a companion? You prayed it wasnt someone who would abuse him. You wondered if they had kept the name Cyclone. You thought it was cute, unique even. You hoped they kept it.

Maybe at least that part of you would stay with him.

Having picked up an all day shift today however you were exhausted and when you got home all you wanted was to sleep. Now you knew how Shay felt. You had no idea how he did it three weeks in a row. When you opened the door to the townhouse you immediately knew something was up.

Shay was awake.

Considering his week off had ended last week you wondered why he wasn’t in bed. You looked at him curiously as you set your bag on the table. “Whats up?” You asked as you came into the living room to stand in front of him. He looked up at you with a hidden smile. “Nothin’. Whats up with you?” He replied teasingly and you shook your head.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed? You’ve got work in like…three hours.” You said and he chuckled leaning back into the sofa while raising his brows at you. “What are you, my ma?” He asked with a teasing smile and you blushed. “H-hey! Im just tryin to help you out, we both know your practically a bear when it comes to your sleep pattern being disrupted.”

You smiled in spite of yourself. Shay didn’t say anything to that, just got up and put a hand on your shoulder. “Well, I had a gift for you and I had to make sure I was awake to give it.” He said and you looked at him in surprise. “A gift—for me?” You asked and he looked around like he was searching the room for someone else.

“Well, you are the only Y/N here arent ya?” He asked and you swatted him. “No I mean…why? I dont deserve anything.” You said and he put his hands on his hips as if irritated. “Listen, just because you and I work two different jobs at two different difficulty levels doesn’t mean what you contribute ain’t worth sneezin at.” He said matter of factly, poking you gently in the shoulder. “Your a great roommate, and ya take damn good care o’ me Y/N, so…I went and got you somethin’ I know your gonna love.” He said with a soft smile as he looked down at you. “To show my appreciation.”

Taking you by the shoulders he made you walk down the hall to the bathroom. The door was closed and you looked over your shoulder at him. “If your gift is a shower can I return it?” You teased and he gave you a flat look though you could SWEAR you saw the hint of a blush on his face. “Quiet you—just open the door.” He urged, shooing you towards it. You were so tired in that moment you didn’t even care. Reaching out you gave the knob a twist and opened the door.

There was Cyclone.

Sitting in almost the exact same spot he had been in when you first brought him home two months ago, his tail wagging as he gave a friendly and happy bark at seeing you. He had a big red bow attached to an orange collar around his neck. Your face broke into a big and happy smile, your eyes open wide as the husky mix pounced on you.

He was well filled out now, up to a very healthy weight and size and his coat was thick and beautiful and solid white. He licked your face and tried to jump up on you as you knelt down to him saying his name again and again.

“Wait, I dont understand,” You said, still smiling at Cyclone as he barked happily and licked all over you but turning to look up at Shay. “How did you get him?” You asked as your roommate knelt there beside you and let the animal lick his hand as well.

“I went down the day ya said you took him in and talked to the people there, told them I wanted to adopt Cyclone once he was ready to go,” He explained giving a wince as Cyclone accidentally barked right in his ear. “Which was about three weeks ago but I called in a favor from a friend and he took care o’ the mutt for a bit, got him crate and potty trained.”

You finally got Cyclone to calm down by rubbing his tummy, all four paws in the air. “You did this for me?” You asked and he gave a rub of his temples. “Well, it certainly wasnt for me.” He insisted giving the dog a playfully irritated look. “I’ll just say…you put up with a lot from me Y/N,” He said and reached out to give your hair a ruffle. “Besides, your really good at taking care of strays.”

You gave him a funny look but smiled reaching an arm out to give him a hug. “Thanks Shay, I promise I’ll take care great care of him, just like I do you.” You teased poking your tongue out at him playfully. He only rolled his eyes as he got up to stretch.

“Well, this bear is going back to bed. I’ve got work in a few hours as you pointed out.” He said with a stifled yawn, scratching the back of his head. “Keep it down yeah?” He teased as he turned to head upstairs to his room. You just leaned out the door and called after him;

“Eat it ya leprechaun!”

After a moment you heard his response;

“Love you too!”

[dailyandrewandaaron]

Could you maybe write something post-canon where Neil’s ableism comes up and he and Andrew have to sort of navigate it’s effects on their relationship/have some type of discussion over it? Or alternately if you’d rather not, something about bi Katelyn?

not quite that but heres something about ableism 

-

Its not the words so much that bothers Andrew but the silence that always followed them .  

Renee would only smile placidly when Allison named him monster and nobody challenged her but instead took it up for their own use

Aaron would offer no defence when he was named crazy only shrugging as if it was an indisputable truth

kevin raised no objections when he was called joyless , empty , agreeing that he had no purpose in life beyond himself

nicky would laugh  in the same breath as saying he was soulless  as if it was an in joke between them

Neil  did this too  - yes even him

He would later denounce their attitudes one by one pretending to be shocked theyd treat andrew so -  but it was hollow coming from him -knowing  before  their first meeting even he was already psychotic midget and this  is what he would remain -  even after - even when it means something

now - andrew wouldve been fine with a legacy of fear if that was all it was  but it was not  -  not  if he - not if he was - a midget - . yes , thats what cements it , what caused them to hold  him apart  from and below them - it shows  in their eyes - his lack of humanity -  

is he a threat or  is he a joke ? oh , certainly he is both-  they are afraid of him but they show him no respect  

he is that sort  of monster . The kind that  isnt only feared  it is  also pitied. the sort where people think it is a cruelty that he even  lives at all - being what he is  

they call him ruthless  to his face and whisper  midget behind his back

sometimes its  the other way  around  

and that is almost worse

. andrew encased himself with mystery and aggression hoping he could inspire enough fear that his height was never made light of in this way.  

his brother shared this particular burden . Aaron shouldered it by being unpleasant enough that he avoided the types who  would think to patronise in that sickening way due  to their stature  and by commiserating his lack of presence with the fact he was spared the condemnation of being the evil twin -  being short on its own is not monster  worthy status

being short and - crazy - well theres no hope for you there

kevin of all  of them knows the best the feeling , Kevin has words of his own . launched at him from the catapult of ignorance and prejudice  cripple, retard handicapped  he recognises the ripple of pain that surges through him when wymacks  mouth form the words

 Its the same as goes through his own body when neil says psycho , 

when Aaron says evil , 

when nicky says soulless , 

Allison says monster

- Yet Kevin does not defend him. He likes it that  he is one step above him this way.

You have two hands you only have one brain.

Neil in their secret moments tells him he is not worthless that he alone is his love but he never takes back those earlier words never soothing the wounds they made. Neil wont take any of it back

Its his own fault Neil says for not telling them the way it was,  for not explaining- because of course ,of course it needed explaining. This couldnt just be accepted

-but you see  Neil that he is andrew minyard .His reputation went before him . He was monster before he'd even arrived.

You could fight that or you could embrace that and  use  it as your shield . andrew chose the latter.

it kept people off his back at least

He'd known that Aaron was afraid of him skirting around his presence keeping Kevin or Nicky between them pausing before he got into the car hiding and suppressing his other relationships to not raise his ire. His brother who loved him enough to kill still found him a danger

Nicky who had left a happy life for him who had stayed without a deal and didn't leave the moment he could. Nicky  who spent years trying to keep them safe who had sacrificed for them. He believed it too or he had  no scruples in pretending and laughing about how he was soulless. This is a deeper insult from Nicky who actually believed in souls but long ago he'd given up the thought that Andrew would be hurt by such a thing. When things are said to nicky andrew says dont use that word but when things are said to andrew nicky doesnt intervene

Renee is stronger than him. Her fight methods are better. she knows that. She is teaching him he doesn't scare her in the way he scared the others but still she treats him delicate like he'd explode if she pushed too far. She has no problem fighting him but she is afraid not for herself but that one day he would betray her trust and use her careful teaching against those she protected. She would take Allisons side of course she had done before - she stays quiet when allison rants about him

Allison knew him the least but claimed she knew him the best. When you are already  monster , as in her eyes he was ,every thing you do becomes monstrous. She expected nothing less of him. Of course he would be violent . of course he would hurt her .he is a monster

Matt had reason enough he supposed to revile him though he had helped in the long run he distrusted him. Thinks he would hurt Neil. As if he would. A if he would do the one thing that would destroy him. But of course of course Andrew doesn't feel things. people were collected if they were useful. Matt was not useful enough and so he was not chosen. this is how he views it. Doesn't know why beautiful Neil would chose such a strange and damaged person as Andrew. He thinks Neil is an innocent and knows not the darkness of his soul which is assumptions in itself

Dan - he did not know truly what Dan thought of him but it was not warmly. She viewed  him as something to be handled to be put up with to reach a higher goal. His skills were needed his person was not. She kept him and his at arms length enough to say I'm not with them. Now there was a them and he was their leader. She left him alone which he was grateful for but she doesn't bring him in doesn't let him close she doesn't want to hear his voice she doesn't think the psychotic midget has anything useful to say

Seth was his least favourite and that was no secret. He was prejudice in a very boring way. Just the kind that hated those who were not like him and didn't care enough to change that. He hated Kevin the most but andrew , was a close second. His ideas about life having value  didnt extend to the likes of Andrew Nicky and Kevin. Not even Aaron was normal enough for him.

Wymack was a rare thing in Andrews life a older man that he trusted. That he could trust with his family. He knew that wymack would not hurt him -not physically. Nobody thinks Andrew cares what he is called. Wymack didn't hate Andrew he knew that . wymack was actually rather fond of him but he never stoped  using the words.

perhaps you know such a word. it burns deep into your body .It's not icy the shock of it, its hot , white hot. The word is such a noise that it fills you to your lungs.

It drowns you in hot water and you can hardly breathe. He doesn't know if wymack believes the words he calls him but he doesn't stop. He can't say they hurt for it would break the illusion. If they knew Andrew could be hurt by words then it's all over for him he might as well put a knife into his own belly .So  Andrew knows it wont stop .

Wymack would scoff if he ever mentioned ableism. It sounds made up but it surely is not.

Neil would tell him there's no such thing -but how would he know? The only other disabled person he knows is kevin whom he'd called a cripple.

I don't hate disabled people neil would say and  genuinely believe thats enough  That that's the most he can give. Andrew supposed that is what most people think is the best they can do.

that's not what ableism is anyway. Well. it is. but that's not all.

Andrew knew ableism well

The word is new to him but the feeling is not

The experience of it is nothing new

Andrew knows ableism  is not just hate  ignorance and prejudice. It's is not just violence. It is not just fear of the unknown.

Although it is all those things It is also choosing not to acknowledge the difficulties you face .

Choosing not to stop using the words.

Choosing to laugh and not to listen

Choosing not to care because it isnt about you

It is when you are hurt and nobody does anything because nobody thinks that's a thing that could hurt.

When you are hurt physically and everybody shrugs that's just how it is for people like you

You are different so your pain is not important because most can ignore it.

It is the silence that follows the slurs when not one single person says you shouldnt say that

Not your brother.

Not your cousin.

Not your boyfriend.

Nobody

Such is ableism.

when nobody raises it because nobody believes there is such a thing

So it continues unchallenged

because .

Well None of us were offended

say the abled bodied team members 

[deputychairman]

outlaw asks: 2 11, 21

2. What drugs have you tried? Any you would do again?

FINALLY, somebody has the balls to ask me a PERSONAL question about DRUGS like when I moved to a new schooland tricked them into thinking i was cool by asking if anyone knew where you could buy weed, as if I would have been able to roll my own joint let alone handle the purchase without crying!

I have tried very few drugs: poppers aka amyl nitrate, simlply because they were available. You will be relieved to learn that out of of my gang of 16 year old girls who did well in their exams who experimented in this with me, none of us were doing so in order to pursue anal sex opportunities, which is the only reason I’ve ever heard why poppers might be fun. If you want to know what a heart attack with a terrible headache feels like, I can tell you that it feels like poppers! So no, I would not bother to do this again when the experience is so easily replicated for free by drinking a beer then standing up too fast at the beach in August.

A cool girl at a party once offered to share an ecstacy with me and I said “no thank you” but was very flattered she’d offered, and my brother sold magic mushrooms one summer and I didnt try those either because nothing I’ve heard made it sound fun.

Now we’re all grown up idk if weed even counts, but that’s the only one I bother with (well, hash not weed, how can anybody who lives in an apartment smoke weed and not at least offer it to all their neighbours who are fumigated by the smell in the stairwell?), and that’s only because my dude buys it and converts it into a smokable format for me. I do everything else around the house, the LEAST he can do is skin up for me. Mostly hash just removes my entire executive function and makes me pleasantly sleepy so I only smoke it right before bed, and I’d probably get more creative brain time if I quit so if my dude stopped providing it I wouldnt go out and get my own. 

11. What’s a crime you want to commit but haven’t had the chance yet?

Insurance fraud. The whole insurance industry is a fucking scam, and I’M the criminal because I scam them back??? obviously not because I’m too scared of getting caught out but when I do it they’ll deserve it.

21. If you could change the laws tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’re making illegal?

I picked chewing gum before but now I’m adding Playboy logo clothing for little girls, cars that cost over €25k, and those fucking planes that fly over the beach with banners advertising local puticlubs and force me to explain to my daughters that “NUEVO ESCANDALO - porque tu lo mereces” means “sometimes men pay to have sex with vulnerable women often without the knowledge or consent of their long-term partner - no stop that you’re shaking sand in my face - now, of course I respect & support sex workers: a woman is free to accept money in exchange for sex if she so chooses and I’d listen to sex workers when deciding how to legislate on this matter, but I wouldn’t trust a man who goes to these establishments further than I could kick him in the face and only when we live in a feminist utopia so that sex work is a totally free and morally neutral career choice will i feel comfortable with brothels advertising on billboards and light aircraft. yes ok you can have an icecream.” 

[richard-of-windoor]

anyways this post is. idk i just want to try writing out my feelings. i cant promise any of this is gonna make sense. bc if i cant talk to anyone ill just type it out. 

tw for dark feelings and self harm mention

like if you read

i messed up so bad. i messed up so bad. i get told that things arent always my fault but guess what they always end up being my fault. and this is 2000% my fault. i will always have to live with the scar i created. a knife thrust deep in my chest, the blood pouring out of it like the tears running down my face. i gave in to temptation and i never should have. i wanted to experience something, but i experienced it all with the wrong person. i was so selfish. people always tell you “think of yourself first” and i fucking did. and it caused a catastrophe in my mind. i dont deserve sympathy, i dont deserve kindness, i dont deserve second chances. i deserve to rot 6 feet under. alone. like i deserve. like im used to. i told myself in school a lot that id die alone, and im telling myself that again. because its true. no one will love me. they will for a short time but then ill fuck up again or cry too long and theyll see im not worth it. people think its so easy. no one understands how deep my self hatred is. how its apart of me now. i look in the mirror i see a fucking disgusting asshole. i try to put on makeup, all i see is a clown trying to be pretty and failing. i try to cosplay, all i see is garbage. theres a reason whenever i beg for help theres no one there. its what i deserve. no one. i lost all those friends for a reason, did i really think theyd stay. did my delusional mind really tell myself that? i try to make new friends to replace old ones and no one wants me. no one wants an annoying whiny bitch. i can barely stutter through a sentence. i dont need a fortune teller for my future. my future is sitting alone in an apartment. begging for anyone to help me. but no one coming. i wont have a roommate. no one would be able to live with me, im sure even someone on craigslist would leave in a second. “but maybe youll find love” no. no no nononnonononononoNONONO. no i fucking wont. no one wants to love me. no one will love me. the second i let myself fall in love with someone is when im able to get hurt and i dont want to be in pain. im not a good partner. i will never be good for anyone. im a leech. i suck away any happiness you could possibly have. no one will ever want someone this depressed. this messed up. no one this ugly. its been a while since i thought about self harming. id love nothing more right now than to slice my pathetic skin open. to carve useless into my arm so im forced to look at it. but im too scared of my parents finding out. i wish all my friends were smarter and just dropped me. im unhealthy. im sick.

ill never get to experience anything with you. i never attempted to try anything bc. you were always so uncomfortable with anything i did. i didnt want to push you away. i just wanted longer kisses. cuddle in the back of your car. feeding each other things. stupid lovey stuff. the knife twists even deeper, remembering all that i lost. twists deeper as i remember how i hurt you. how selfish i was. at the time i really did think youd be glad to be rid of me. i mean wouldnt anyone? no one wants someone like me hanging around them. youre always so busy already why should i take up more of your precious free time. im scared. i really am. i want to believe i have even a 1% chance with you again but im wrong and i know it. i fucked it up.  im scared of her experiencing everything i dreamed of. her getting you to the fullest. im scared of her telling you im a bad person. opening your eyes to how toxic i am. your vision is clouded but hers wont be. im bad for you. for everyone. i feel like theres a wall in between us. your knuckles are probably hurt and bloody from trying to knock it down, but i refuse to let it fall. i dont want you hurt by me again. when i wrote you that letter i wanted you to scream at me. refuse me. fight for me. i wanted you to tell me how wrong i was. but no you accepted it. like the good person you are. you should feel happy right now that im finally getting my karma. but youre too nice to think like that. 

im having trouble breathing again. its such a simple task but why is it so hard right now. my own body might be trying to kill me for the sake of everyone. i want to give up. i really do. i want this stupid dream of having a chance to end. i want to stop trying to think positively that one day your hand may be in mine because its not true and it will never be true.  i cant keep trying to hope for these delusions to come true. i want to cling to my daydream of us in an apartment. one of us coming home from work being greeted by the other. we kiss and cuddle on our couch. the glass breaks. its not happening.  a stupid daydream thought up by a stupider individual. that dream is reserved for another. 

[revol-lover]

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

 think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about 

[uncrownedwords]

Trauma,

Let me paint a picture, a story in your mind. Trauma like a friend, has come to story time. With it , bring those flashbacks of the ones you'd rather hide . With it brings you forward all your petty lies behind the pride. A story left to tell for it's been hidden far to long;

Starting with a plane ride , and ending with one too. The day we picked you up the sky was just so blue. I thought this was a good thing,and boy I was so wrong for the trauma that consumed me --- would go on for far to long. You painted this pretty little picture of derangement in your head of how our life would be together as you stitched your thread together using my very soul, no noticed as you unraveling me at every point you could.

Compliant was I ever with the things put in my drinks you lied and told me , it was all just in my head as the flashes of me naked now fill my nights with dread. You claimed you where my master, you claimed you where a God, you claimed so many things you wanted without asking and reworded it as love . You forced my affection to feed your ego in this world of make belive. So scared was I, yet I stayed so hopeful that your promises of change where valid and authentic.

The moment you where angery the world stoped making sense, as your hands found my face over and over again. So bruised and so broken the ER was a home . So many lies that never unfolded as they saw the bruises you left scattered across my skin like a coloring book. Lies I told to save my life as you watched from the chair across the room . To busy would the cops have been , with what I was wearing to contrate on the purple way my skin tented after every time I disappointed you.

So mad where you with everyone's happiness that you took it out of me. Damaging my mind and my body in your pillaging drive to claim what was never yours.... Your name was their carved into my skin ... where you left it knife in hand. , where you left me on the bed in the dark alone, when you where done with your master plan . You gave me panic attacks and disguised it as love . As your fingers traced every mark in adoration of the ways in which you could unconsentually hurt me.

You stole every password, every shread of my identity, every inch of my existance hung on the balance of your every whim like the puppet I had become on a string waiting to be used whenever you saw fit to force my compliance. You reworded everything onto everyone else for the way you told us all the blue sky was purple in a hope to convince the world and yourself of the unfathomable horrors you claim to have blocked from your memory with the 7 plus other people you swore occupied your head. Still I belived you could change and such was the trauma , of every inch of my sanity slowly slipping away .

You took my peace of mind and the safty of home as you forced my phone into your hands and changed everything you could to block the outside world from me and me from the outside world. Because of you I'm scared to be in the dark for to long by myself, because of you I'm scared to go out at night or trust anyone at all , I guard my drinks closely , I watch what I eat and I try to hurry up in the shower so the water does not trap me in my own mind. Which attacks itself in constant fear of your return.

Somedays I dont pick up my phone at all because I can't bare one more alert, as you hack into things yet again. Screen shoting my words to send back to me in anger mophing me into a robotic version of myself only made to agree with you. So paranoid am I of technology as I block you on every form of media known to man yet you still find ways to torment me again and again. Because you tried to drown me in a tub and call it a baptism I'm scared to stay alone in the bathroom for to long. The sad thing is I know why I have these fears and still I see your face haunting me every second of the day . Because of you I am afraid of my own shadow and the thought of someone touching me alone is enough to drive me into panic.

Because of you I wake up screaming in the middle of the night and freak out enough to turn every light on in the house and hide under my bed. You duck taped my body and covered me in slurs as you dumped cold ice water all over me until I was drenched and still you didn't stop nothing was ever enough as you took pictures of me and sent them to your friends as you raped me and had no regret because of you I'm scared to have sex. Because of you I'm scared to even exist anymore. You took a chunk of my sanity the day you pushed me off the bed because I looked like a 'dead fish' after you assulted me.

The fear that never left my eyes as you shouted and screamed how stupid and worthless I was and how I would not amount to anything . The fear that never left my eyes when you punched me in the face and knocked me unconscious in a rage that two other people saw but yet you claimed you couldn't rememebr until they called you out on your bullshit. A fear to even use my bank because you forced me to give you the passwords and took all my money on the grounds I couldn't be trusted . Because you called and pretended to be me and closed my accounts .... there was never justification in your actions . In your financial, physical, emotional, mental , sexual or identity abuse because of you I have Trauma. There is no apology that can fix the mess you made as you tried to tell me you wished you could change, only to admit you where lieing in an effort to control me again. Which drove me insane.

You started drugs and forced every second of my 2019 to be as miserable as it could be , using our rent and car money to fuel your secondary needs as if the Meth you took was far more important then our need to survive. You hurt so many not just me but everyone else around us. Because of you I am afraid . Afriad to do the things I normally would have never been afraid to do . I'm scared to leave the house in fear of you being there again . You swore to me I would never be anyone elses as you created a fantasy I was forced to play along with for survival only to be thrown off guard as you knocked me unconscious and choked me so hard I turned blue . The cops and doctors never sided with you. All MY friends never sided with you. You ruined every inch of my sanity but yet you where insistent on taking more. This Trauma was never enough for you.

This is my voice, this is my statement from the nightmares, the terror filled dreams , the way I wake up screaming and crying and shaking like a leaf. Because the PTSD you caused is like a plague one of which spread to many different things as month after month my Stockholm got worse until I was so oblivious to your constant abuse. You caused me so much pain. Pain I couldn't handle as the doctors admited me for fear I may take my own life.... because of the trauma I endured. The trauma you spread over every part of our lives.

Anytime I was happy --- a road trip to a friends , three chances and at each turn you broke into my accounts... at each turn you dramatically lied to get your way for me to return. You threatened to kill anyone that stood in your way of getting to me. Yet still you saw no derangement in your illusions.

Trauma defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. That is all you are now as my words flow off the pages that is all you are now an experince --- a bad one with some good points an experince a lesson --- I had to learn to become stronger yeah I'm scared but that wont change how far I've come . I wont be afraid of you anymore. I refuse to let it define me because you hurt me , you broke every inch of trust sure. My hope though is one thing you will never have... never take and never betray like you did so much else.

You were wrong once you are nothing like him, the man who hurt us so badly that we United in solidarity .... you became him in your own self involved Prophecy--- I refuse to accept the blame for your mistakes. I refuse to cover up your false truths and ignore the fact that you ... need help. Help I can not provide but this is over now , said and done they know your flaws everyone and though I didnt use a name people have heard my story of the days in which my fears cause me the most worry. Trauma is everywhere and that's okay right now. My wounds will heal both mental and physical, but you'll always be the one who hurt another human being.

The end.

[calm-me-down-oh]

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don��t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

[wwounu]

mafia!soonyoung “HOSHI” #2232111

↻ masterlist — intro￤s.coups￤yoon￤hong￤wen￤hoshi￤jeon￤woozi￤dk￤kim￤xu￤boo￤chwe￤lee

drift racer

leader of Perficio Unit

seventeen’s sort of chauffeur

the reason why seungcheol knows his way around streets? this guy.

his obsession with wanting to be a racer started all because of akira

the first moment his little four year-old eyes laid on it, it was love at first sight sparkly eyes, agape mouth, sparkles everywhere and everything

he’d watch the opening scene over and over again and never get tired of it

the thrill and dynamic of it all, how one single moment is never boring, daring to do the most insane of things

action and spy movies were his getaway from the world solely for the car chases

soonyoung wanted that

but as he grew older he realised that life wasn’t really like anime

real life was spent on eating and dumb exams he’d spend the night before cramming information

life got in the way of what his dreams, but racing was still close to his heart, even if that meant sneaking out of the house at night to attend drift races

and he wanted to race so badly the moment he stepped foot but there was one condition sixteen year old soonyoung couldn’t meet:

he had to have a car

quite obviously... he didn’t have a car, let alone was legal to drive

still, he kept attending often to watch the cars drift and race

but the more he stayed, the more he felt downhearted that he cant go on the track himself

so what does he do?

steal a car

truthfully it wasn’t ‘stealing’ as he found a busted car in a dump and called dibs because there was no name

problem two, the car needed repairing

and with the little money this teen had, soonyoung had to steal his family’s toolbox and learn how to repair the car himself

his life was currently: sleeping, eating, failing tests, sneaking out to drift races, failing more tests and trying to learn how the heck to repair a car

it took him two months to put the car in decent shape, which felt longer than it did since soonyoung had to also test the car’s stability

meaning soonyoung had to learn how to drive and that was an experience in itself

he was more worried that once he started to drive that the joy of it would fade away

but did it? hell no

soonyoung: 1 world: 0

on the bright side, he was proud of himself when he finally finished the car — he called it hurricane because the rust looked like tiny raindrops

his first race (that he sneaked in to join) ended up with him going home with way more money than he thought

despite lying about his age, he finally found home on the tracks — and the highlight of the night being driving away from the cops

gets a rush from driving, adrenaline pumps in his blood

seungcheol was an acquaintance of soonyoung’s during their highschool years, but hadn’t spoken until their senior year just before seungcheol left as the leader found out about his drift races

which only happened because soonyoung was sleep-talking about it during a library meet-up for a paired presentation they needed to do

soonyoung would always talk about his races to the male, usually bragging how tired he was because he had a fun crazy night, then crying over the bad mark he got on his paper shortly after

he even took seungcheol on a late night ride around his hometown to tour all places in that single night seungcheol was scared out of his mind at how fast he was driving, but soonyoung doesn’t need to know that

sadly, they lost contact when seungcheol disappeared

which is why seungcheol was begging jeonghan to find soonyoung and recruit him

jeonghan, being the way he is, played hot and cold with his begging friend for a while before eventually saying FINE when seungcheol didn’t talk for him to two weeks

he drags himself to the location seungcheol told him to go becuase it was apparently the place soonyoung races in

disguises himself with a very big hoodie and mask so he wouldn’t be recognised, but that wasn’t a problem because the area was more packed than jeonghan expected

for illegal racing, it was sure popular

question was, who the hell is soonyoung

got bored after two seconds so he wandered around and tried to find someone who didn’t look like they wanted to hunt him down or weird him out

struck up a conversation with a guy who was occupied on his phone, sending cartoon bunny images to a chat named famalam jeonghan snorted at the stupid name

he also noticed that the guy was leaning on a car with 1010 harshly engraved on it, but ignored that

soonyoung, on the other hand, was minding his own business that night, mainly more excited than usual since his parents were out of town which meant he was guilt-free about sneaking out tonight

he also wanted to try out his new hand-painted, shiny red car, not forgetting the small design he was trying out for the first time

but before he could get on the track, someone approached him — a really strange approach — yet thought that he could have some time talking with this person to be on time for the race

as the announcer was warning the two minute start before the race, his eyes lit up and made his way inside the car and silently prayed that it was fully working before twisting the key and hearing the sweet sound of it starting up

cooly, he says ‘thats my cue’ to the stranger

just as he was going to leave, the stranger asks his name

soonyoung smiles, revving his engine whilst the announcer counts down for dramatic effect

‘soonyoung. kwon soonyoung’

and he zooms off within seconds, hollering when the cars are moving on the track and his joins along, placing himself first place in a few seconds

jeonghan owed seungcheol an apology.

doubtless, soonyoung won, getting his money just in time before the blue and red lights could be seen

he was about to leave up until he saw the stranger he talked unaware of where to go, a bit panicked

wanting to be the hero, he offered him a ride and luckily escaped from the cops

the man, which introduced himself as jeonghan, thanked him once soonyoung took him to a local 24-hour diner, munching on a celebratory sundae with his prize money

he offered jeonghan some, but jeonghan refused but what monster refuses sundaes?

the rest of the story basically is soonyoung seeing jeonghan once again during his races, apparently having an urgent problem that he had to attend to

which made soonyoung offer to drive him to this location, missing out the race at least that meant someone other than him could be the winner

stepping on it, soonyoung drove as fast as he could to the place jeonghan needed to go to asap jeonghan didnt expect for soonyoung to give him whiplash

and when soonyoung realised he was stepping foot in a dark, eerie building, he figured that it was too late to call quits

his active mind thought jeonghan was an undercover murderer, ready to cut soonyoung’s limbs to sell them to the black market and ship them to germany, he wasn’t ready for his arms to be shipped to germany-

‘SEUNGCHEOL IS THAT YOU?!’

and like that, he joined seventeen without any hesitation

never thought of being a real drift racer for a mafia

just thought his racing days would be a illegal hobby to him

soonyoung was also an icon within the drift racing community, so he was sad when he was told that he couldn’t attend every night anymore because he’s in a mafia and ‘seventeen is supposed to be undercover, butthead’

soonyoung giggled at minghao saying butthead

his collection of cars wasnt too bad, but there weren’t any to make people go thats one cool dude with a cool car

joshua lets soonyoung use his cars since he personally doesnt drive that confused soonyoung and it surprised soonyoung because his many many cars was like a utopia

he’s proud of his character development from ‘running away from police all the time’ to ‘running away from the police with better and fancier cars’

so far soonyoung has broken twenty and counting

and lost sixty-three... and counting

knows how to hijack cars through his repairing experience

hijacks cars whenever he gets the chance to aka all the time

and during whole-group jobs, he trots to the parking lot with chan because he’s dragged to these things to inspect the cars and cherry-pick which is the most worthy to steal

but if other cars catches his eye, he leaves an engraving of 1010 with a metal object

in regards to 1010, he makes sure all of the cars joshua he owns has 1010 nicely engraved on it because he deserves to be treated as a prince

always sometimes can’t help himself when he sees a shiny new car, he just has to get it

practices doing donuts with those cars in spare time

“soonyoung what’s this”

“the lambo veneno! a beauty!”

“which you broke into”

“i left an apology note!”

“YOU STILL STOLE A CAR”

“but-”

“THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS MONTH SOONYOUNG GODDAMMIT”

Perficio Unit has to watch over their leader because leader unit have given up on him

although he seems cheerful with his members, he can get angry easily

wont hesitate to run someone over

doesnt take it lightly when he’s shunned by others as being stupid and purposely crashes into their car if he’s feeling like it

as for his members, he cant stay angry for too long, but is the type to flip his personality around them or usually leave the room when they’re in there

he’ll then think how stupid he’s acting and apologise himself, talking to that member about what went wrong and where they can build up on it

also buys them something because he feels bad, like that gold bracelet he got for mingyu or the ugly gucci slippers he got for minghao

when he takes lead of their mission, his speeches are usually race-related or metaphorised using racing-terminology

no one understands what he means

is in charge of getting the call when his members need a pick up and he’s there within a snap, blasting music when they jump in and he drives off as they shoot the rivals following them

when it comes to leading his unit, he doesn’t have much to do since they understand each other perfectly and get on with the work — it’s soonyoung who needs to control himself

can sometimes go too far by getting too tipsy on the wine and Perficio Unit play rock paper scissors on who looks after him jun usually loses

loves heists especially when he’s chosen to lead them

seventeen avoid doing the typical bank or jewellery heists, but heist upperclass families/mafias that have had dirty business with seventeen

because of this, soonyoung plans way way way in advance about recreating the best car chases he sees in movies

not akira level, because nothing can come close to that masterpiece

therefore, the most weird things happen during this and seventeen just have to go with seeing sudden explosions and inserts of wild animals coming into the chase

Perficio Unit cannot believe that this is their leader, but sadly, it is

vernon supports his ideas and helps him to live out his dream by planning the explosions at the right time and making sure the fire that spreads spells out HOSHI when authorities come to report on the area

minghao, being the one with braincells, stabs a knife through the newspaper with its headline regarding a fire-spread the night previous

soonyoung is snaked out by vernon that exact moment the male confronts him

minghao isnt surprised

is probably the only one who still connects with his family

they aren’t aware about his new mafia life — nor the fact he’s been sneaking out since sixteen to join drift races — but he isn’t letting go of his family

his family had never been stable with money ever since childhood, and it was because of soonyoung’s reward money that they moved and are living safely in thailand

has to take care of them because they worked so hard for him and he can only return the favour this way, even if it involves with blood in his hands

but if his family find out about the mafia, he doesnt know what to do — seventeen mean so much to him as well

and he can’t choose sides between his family or seventeen

though, he has his future planned out already

one day he hopes to reunite with his family in thailand permanently to begin a life of farming

by that time he’d already have enough from his drifting days and seventeen to live comfortably, spending it carefully now that he’s an old person because old people are mature with their money

would gather up his grandkids ‘little stars’, he calls them to tell stories about how grandpapa hoshi would speed off away in cars from explosions with the help of his best friends

and his children would laugh at how silly he’s sounding while the grandkids’ eyes shine like his and his partner glances at him too, chuckling quietly

even his grandkids enjoy akira too!

well, his kids tell them off for making them watching something graphic, so he lets his grandkids settle with cars 2

but he’ll never raise his children and grandkids to be like him, or live in his lifestyle because even though it’s fun, it’s dangerous, so he gets overprotective with his little stars and scolds his children when they arent doing something right, even if it’s minor

a very naggy and cheerful grandpapa

doesn’t talk much about his past when his kids ask because it’s not important to him anymore since his family comes first, but when he thinks about it later he does admit it was the biggest part of his life for him and his partner is well aware of that too, keeping the secret safe too

and again, there’ll be one day where he’s sat, looking up into the sunset of his farm as the crops grow

his grandchildren are playing with their new puppy while his kids are preparing dinner

suddenly, he’s smiling to himself

he thinks about his life, the cool things he’d done, the stupid things he’d done, about his adventures, about seventeen

his mind lingers on seventeen, wondering how they’re doing — maybe they should meet again, like they do every year — ask seungcheol how his grandson is taking the business, or if chan fulfilled his dream of travelling the world

and he swears he could see their silhouettes in the far distance, beckoning him over to come

soonyoung does

and he feels young again

“A line for reaching to the beloved ones”