#but i distinctly feel like either of them would be able to make a literal burlap sack into a fashion statement

[ofcowardiceandkings]

layers can indeed be sexy, Zelda's travelling gear sure is an example ... but girl sure does wear a lot of open shoulder dresses and i personally love that for her yknow

[sukibenders]

Okay, but Mary and Kate interrogating Friedrich whilst Edwina sighs longingly would be hilarious.

Lol, this is perfect! I have so many ideas for this prompt so I'm, quite literally, restricting myself from making this so long 😭. I hope the interrogation aspect was to your liking, as well as everything else. It does have a spicy moment but it's very brief.

In retrospect, Edwina should have been better prepared for this moment. She honestly should have. When she and Friedrich had first met, almost instantly finding some form of comfort within one another and arranging to see one another more and more, the latter hadn't exactly made it known that he was royalty let alone a prince or the nephew of the queen at that. Rather, he had concealed his identity ("simply call me Friedrich in public, and whatever your heart desires in private").

Edwina would never admit this, but she did squeal very childishly into her pillows that night after.

When the truth had been revealed albeit abruptly when Friedrich, now wearing the identity of the crown prince of Prussia, had immediately locked his gaze on to her and sought to spend most of the ball of the season hosted by Lady Danbury, who Edwina swore had, whilst watching the pair dance the night away, whispered something into Queen Charlotte's ears and had left them both wearing Cheshire cat smiles in response. Not that either would admit it.

And though Edwina had been discouraged by the reveal (she was so tired of things be kept from her, as that ended so well the last time), Friedrich, to her shock, practically fell to his knees before her when they were able to sneak away and expressed his sincerities over hurting her. "That was the last thing that I ever wanted to do," he swore, holding her hand to his chest. "Forgive me, liebling, but I wanted to stay in the moment where I was just a simple man who met a woman who claimed his heart from the start. Without the weighted of my royal status hanging over us."

The pair had been swept up in a form of passion that night, where Edwina had experienced things that had left her desiring the prince more and more (and him the same). But there was something else too. Something that she could distinctly remember dreaming over when she was a little girl, her parents and sister telling stories of how it would one day happen to her, something that she had feared wouldn't following her failed season. She was in love, and it was a beautiful thing.

But back to the situation at hand. Following their shared night together, Friedrich had promptly made his presence known at the Danbury residents with a series of flowers and gifts---for herself, her sister, her mother, and Lady Danbury. When he had confessed that he had wished to court Edwina, publicly that is but no needed to know that outside of them, Edwina couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach as they burst when his gaze fell on her.

To her surprise, however, her sister and mother shared little of the same sentiment. The bare had briefly shared a glance and it wasn't before long that Edwina knew that they would take more winning over to be impressed. Relaying some of her shared time with the prince prior hadn't helped as much either, as Mary had nearly sent Friedrich from the Danbury residents with threats of meeting at dawn had Edwina not interfered and provided a more informed explanation. And while Mary had been reassured, she very sternly (caring little for the fact that she was speaking to a prince) commented that any meetings between the pair would be chaperoned accordingly and no longer will secret meetings take place.

Edwina sighed in acceptance to the former as, with a swift shared look with Friedrich, it had been silently agreed that their secret meetings would still transpire. She could only hope that they would be successful as her mother's keen eyes would follow them everywhere, that Edwina was sure of.

Kate, while feeling some form of peace that her sister would be well taken care of, held no knowledge of who Friedrich was as a person outside of being a prince and set off to fill in as many blanks as she could. And while Friedrich had answered every one of her, many, questions with relatively diplomatic expertise, Kate still remained hardly convinced. When Friedrich had mentioned that he enjoyed horse riding and hunting, Kate gave him little time before announcing that they should set off tomorrow morning and put that notion to the test as what better way to get to know more about the man who wishes to court her sister.

When they returned, Friedrich discussed little of what he and her sister had talked about before leaving a kiss on her head and disappearing into the night, with a drawn out sigh Edwina had decided to seek Kate out.

"It's just that I don't him, Bon. It was rather of a shock to discover a man standing in Lady Danbury's home with the intent to court you. But then I find out that he is a prince as well, adding on to the fact that you too have known each other for longer-"

Edwina quickly cut in before her sister could overwhelm herself. "I know he hid his identity from me, and I will not lie and say that it did not hurt. But I understand now, Kate, as had I'd known than what the two of us have now would have been weighed down during its developing stages. This is a better alternative."

"I just wish to know more about him is all, prince or not I have to make sure that he can provide for you." Kate placed a hand on Edwina's cheek. "In more than just luxuries but for your heart as well. I know that things had been...tense for a period of time, and we have healed from it, but you will always be my sister and I cannot help but worry."

Edwina simply smiled. "And I love you for it, even more for giving me the chance to take care of this myself. While Friedrich is more than capable of caring for me with his status, I have long since come to find out that he'll care for my heart as well."

It was still evident that the prince still had work to be done in regard to winning over her family, but much to both of their surprise a series of acts would assist them in that process. First had been during a viewing at the opera where Friedrich had sat alongside Edwina with the rest of the Bridgertons, chatting ideally with her in-laws and whispering to her in French when he was sure that no one would catch. During a break in the show, Edwina had moved with Francesca and Eloise to the powder room in hopes of freshing up when she felt the sense of dread that had become all to familiar following her failed season.

Lord Charles and other men of high society muttered jeers and hardly concealed stabbing comments her way, watching her with amusement that could only be found in men who held nothing better to do than humiliate women. Edwina held her head high, doing her best to tune out their comments even as Eloise had sought to give them a peace of her mind. Edwina, however, wished to take no part.

That did not mean that Friedrich thought the same.

The matter was relatively a blur, if Edwina was being honest, as she watched from afar as Friedrich had appeared behind the group of men with a faux cheery deposition with his eyes sharp enough to cut. A bitting smile on his face did not change, but the once arrogant posture of Lord Charles and the men around him dropped and became one of embarrassment and, if Edwina looked close enough, possibly even fear?

When Friedrich left the pair and returned to Edwina's side, he gave off little input on what had just transpired. "We simply talked about how it wasn't appropriate for gentlemen talk about ladies in such a manner, and that they should refrain from doing so. Especially toward you."

Edwina knew that that wasn't the whole story but quickly halted her series of questions when she noticed her mother and sister looking over at the pair, this time with mirroring pride and approval in their eyes. It didn't take long for Edwina to find a mischievous Eloise by their side, who Edwina was sure had informed them of everything that had happened.

"Liebling?" Friedrich questioned when he did not receive a response.

Edwina sighed, reaching to loop their arms together as they moved back to their seats and prepared for the show to start again. "I think you just gained my sister's and mother's approval."

[crimsonfeatheredraven]

I think the reason why I posted the ultimatum panel and the panel with Sh*ila is because I feel that those are the two most misinterpreted and misremembered moments of Jason's life and un-life and I don't think enough people really take a moment to consider them.

Jason asking Bruce to kill him or let him kill the Joker is still not a great look but it's distinctly different than Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him. He's fully aware that Bruce doesn't kill, but the main takeaway that I get (and I could be wrong), is that he is counting on Bruce to simply stand aside and let him kill his own demons. Like a KGBeast situation.

I could've sworn someone else made a post like this before with this exact takeaway.

But the point is that this is a kid (because despite the way he was drawn, he couldn't have been older than 18-19 for fucks sake. He's literally just 2-3 years older than Tim) who wanted some semblance of a type of peace, either through his second death or the allowance of him killing his murderer, because he doesn't know what brought him back, just that he would have to exist in the same world as the monster who put him in the ground and laughed about it and he found that the be complete and utter bullshit, only to get a batarang in the neck for his troubles.

And then you have Sh*ila (who may or may not have even been Jason's mom), who looked at this kid who only looked for her because the only adult that he had been able to really trust gave him the metaphorical middle finger after three fucking years and he needed just one fucking parent, and went "fuck this little crotch muppet", effectively pissing on the trust that he placed in her just because she said his name and seemingly recognized him and his dad/Catherine (which anyone could've fucking done).

Anyways fuck Bruce and fuck Sh*ila and if I see anyone else making fun of Jason for being pissed about his death or anything like that, I'm going to break into your house in the middle of the night, steal all of your left shoes and your right socks, cut all of your buttons off of your shirts and pants, and steal your fucking spoons and cups.

[blueberrydot]

closed starter for @attaant & @nohousedog location: atta's home

After the attack of the festival and her failed attempt to get any new dirt on her sister’s supposed husband, Dot had needed a break from it all. Spending time with Atta meant being around Buster, and she still just wasn’t ready to do that - not even after he took a literal bullet for her. There was a guilt there, of course, that she couldn’t seem to just get over it and start liking him for that one simple act alone - but it wasn’t strong enough to actually get her to take the time and effort to change her stance on the man. Instead, she put another forced amount of distance between herself and the couple and focused entirely on the upcoming school year. So much had happened over the summer that she’d barely been able to prepare anything for her classroom, and after what felt like a failure of last year, she was determined to come back stronger than ever this time around.

But now the first two weeks were done, the routines were starting to be built, and every major task to prepare for the year had been completed. Of course there was still the day to day amount of busy work and tasks at hand, but none of those were a good enough excuse to keep up the distance between herself and her sister. And the guilt of not spending any time with her, of barely giving her more than just a few quick phone calls over the past month, that was one that was starting to truly eat away at Dot. Which was what led her to agree to a dinner at Atta’s place, despite the fact that she knew Buster was likely going to join them at some point. Avoiding the two of them forever wasn’t a possibility, not if she wanted to keep a relationship with her sister - which she absolutely did. So it was probably about time she sucked it up and just faced the couple head on.

Arriving with their mother’s famous honey cake in hand, Dot waited for the door to open after she gave it a good few loud kicks with her foot. Thankfully it was the eldest Dreyfus that answered, and a bright and genuine smile grew on her face at the sight of her sister - but it faltered after just a moment at the sound of a distinctly male voice calling out from the kitchen. She shouldn’t be surprised that Buster was here already, but she had been naively hoping to get at least some time alone with Atta before he made his presence known. “I brought dessert, like I promised,” she states the obvious, holding up the round tupperware as proof before stepping in and making her way through the house to the kitchen. And there he was, just like she’d heard, but the sight of him feeling so familiar and at home here was different than simply hearing his voice. Taking a breath to steady herself, a forced smile was plastered on her face as she stepped into the room and set her container down on the counter. “Didn’t realize it’d be a full house tonight - I would have made a bigger cake.” It was her not so subtle way of trying to jab at Buster’s presence here tonight, and while she’d play it off as being completely innocent if either one of them called her out on it, she also knew they’d know exactly what she really meant.

[paraemu]

ok like i said on twitter here's a bullet point list on my dragon ball yaoi opinions

Goku/Vegeta: i know this is most popular for obvious reasons but this is a classic case of fujos deluding themselves. im not gonna say vegeta hasn't experienced some level of attraction towards goku but like he fully does love bulma and i genuinely dont think goku is capable of romantic or sexual attraction. that said i think their relationship as it is in canon is pretty interesting even without putting on the yaoi goggles

Gohan/Piccolo: this one i kind of get. people want gohan to have yaoi and he does have a pretty special bond with piccolo but this bond is explicitly a father/son thing. piccolo literally says in the show that gohan is like his own son. "piccolo is technically around the same age as gohan" he was obviously mentally an adult when gohan was a toddler so dont even try honestly

Gohan/Dende: if you REALLY need to ship gohan with a man this is your only real choice. its cute and had a lot potential pre-saiyaman saga but after videl i can only see it being one-sided. poor dende

Gohan/Trunks: ok this one needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis so lets break it down

Future Trunks/Future Gohan: after everyone else died gohan probably had to help bulma change trunks's diapers and keep him entertained and stuff so trunks was like a little brother to him. for trunks though gohan was this really cool masculine ideal that he was chasing after and i think its not a stretch to say those feelings took on a distinctly non-plantonic tint during puberty even tho he knew gohan would never see him that way. its safe to say gohan was future trunks's first (and only?) love

Future Trunks/Present Gohan: the roles have been inverted, now trunks is the cool powerful adult and gohan is the kid trying to match his strength. i think if they had been able to spend enough time one-on-one gohan might've developed a similar crush but with how little they saw each other and how high tension the situation was he was just left with the feeling that long hair really suited him...

Present Trunks/Present Gohan: we know canonically gohan was on babysitting duty for goten and trunks both. they have a brotherly relationship and trunks thinks gohan is kind of lame for being a nerd but he still looks up to him at times. no yaoi to be found this time around

Goten/Trunks: NOW we're talking! this is the crowning jewel of dragon ball yaoi. they grew up together, they're best friends who spend all their time together, they're the poster boys of fusion, they're literally attached at the hip. its got everything you could ask for in a good ship. case in point: gt and super both tried to make them het and they still haven't managed to put a single dent on their popularity. i hope they get married and have full saiyan babies

Whis/Bills: i love this one. they're such old gay queens who have been married since the down of time. im surprised its not more popular tbh, i think their involvement is blatant. couldnt have picked a better duo to relaunch the franchise

Whis/Goku, Whis/Vegeta: ok the way whis keeps checking out goku and vegeta is INSANE. he's not even trying to be subtle. that said i dont think he actually wants to fuck them hes just a muscle fan and they both remain oblivious

Android 17/Piccolo: ???? this is popular on twitter and idk why. ik they fought each other but nothing remotely bait-y happened in that fight. im chalking this one up to 17 is the only twink in db and ppl are desperate to have someone to ship him with

Yamcha/Tenshinhan: another pair the spares type of situation. its valid ig i just don't give a fuck about either of them. also i think tenshinhan is married to chaoz

Mr. Satan/Majin Buu: I SEE NO DIFFERENCE LOVE IS LOVE!!! ok jokes aside this one is literally canon. look at this figure and tell me it isnt

[bunnyloaves]

thinking about hickey n crozier hours

the thing is, francis made a very convenient enemy out of hickey. Like here is a guy who is not really liked, kinda disliked let's be real but then you made a martyr/victim/scapegoat out of him, and that my dudes is a very convenient leader for a mutiny. You’ve made for yourself a beaten down figure who will then usurp the titan, very convenient. Like lets be real i don’t think the other crewmen particularly liked hickey, but by singling him out, francis only managed to exacerbate the class/social strata divides among all of them. And i think thats pretty neat, how in his worse moments francis is vv explicitly like the distant captain dishing out arbitrary corporal punishments to presumptuous people, and he’s all that before he takes on the team dad, being so deeply responsible for every single man’s well being, loving his men more than god loves them kind of mindset.

and by god did he love those cold boys, like it's pretty sweet how he takes on a fatherly role at the end of it. not leaving a single man behind, letting them carry signifiers of their own home/humanity/britishness even though at the time it would be unnecessary baggage (but they’ve already shed so much of their constructs/mores/conventions that asking them to shed those signifiers of identity would be heartbreaking) and he literally does love them more than god does and that love is francis’ own undoing (love that we’re hammering in the god/father themes in here). on a similar thread the fact that francis is generally a source of absolution/forgiveness for the other characters (ie. hartnell with the whole you may go rest with your brother, he kinda takes on this permissor/grantor role which imo makes him more nebulous than he really is. like in the midst of his own present existence, he’s already nebulized and mythologized to take on the “mute/reservoir of all histories/receptacle of grief, of names, of everyone else’s memory” role he takes later on). another bit of ‘forgiveness’ is the fact that he feels like he can forgive the crewmen of their crimes/animosity/their mutiny (since he’s the one that put them up to it in the first place, but it also speaks to his self-sacrificing/effacing nature (ie. that he’d take on the shame of organising a mutiny against sir john/and leaving his own post if it meant that he’d be able to seek rescue for the men)).

ok back to feeling like he can forgive the crew for the crimes and offer them absolution, like that is so O____O to me, like hello what makes you think that ur the one meant to offer forgiveness and absolution, does he not deem himself worthy of blame either in that he can forgive others but still carries the guilt/baggage of bringing them all here within himself. And that’s what i find so interesting about hickey, is that he sees through it and challenges him about it all, like they both bring out the intrinsic worst out of each other and its great imo. like francis can forgive every other man of the crew for their cannibalism, for their mutiny (is vv willing to be the prodigal son's father with the mutineers, in that they leave a stock/cache for them once they return and its a stock meant as an offering of peace and goodwill) but i love the fact that despite this broad (and imo abstract) sense of forgiveness (to everyone else), he is just so weary and unforgiving and critical of hickey (like yass girl u are the least special girl out of all of them, you are so delulu rn)

tl;dr: like what i think is so neat about them, is that you can posit francis as this father/god/arbitrator among them and hickey is just like the one exception to that man’s mercy and sympathies, like hickey is distinctly treated with more disdain and cruelty than everyone else (rightfully so, he's a sleazy guy) but i think he just wants to be in someone else’s good graces for once (in the sense of nobody ever wanted anything out of him, or ig not necessarily good graces and wanting dad’s m&ms but more of him wanting to be equals with something greater than measly human, ie. bear, or at least he thinks he's par with someone who is great/has status (which he throughly lacked), ie. captain)

[formayhem]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @twig-tea! Thank you!

I've never really talked about my favorite BL/QL ever, and I'm definitely not able to write in depth analysis or think pieces. I do know what I like and appreciate, though. :)

Below the cut I'll say a lot of not profound and probably stupid stuff. Yay. 🥳

Favorite Thai QL:

I Told Sunset About You (special mention to My Only 12%, besides its last episode, and before I finally watched ITSAY)

This really is no surprise, for anyone that may have encountered my posts here and there. My journey in BL is still ongoing, but I watched this one early this year, after spending half a year during 2022 writing it off. In my defense, I wasn't on BL Tumblr back then, and I just took one look at the trailer, and said, "no".

Then ITSAY came to Viki. I distinctly recall texting my friend that I was starting it, telling them I hoped there was something in it for me because it "didn't look like what I like" (I had no idea what I liked in QL series for way too long).

ITSAY wrecked me and surprised me. My viewing was a visceral one that completely and irrevocable transplanted me back into my own youth, causing me to relive falling in love with my best friend in middle school/freshman year, our summers of a love so consequential that I'd think of it in 2023, while watching a series, crying on my couch, and resonating entirely with two boys I'll probably never forget about, either.

Funny how I almost never watched Teh and Oh-aew, because then what series would I write love letters in my head about? It's beautiful to look at, to watch unfold, to listen to, to hear, and to feel.

Favorite Pairing:

Pete & Kao. I think this pairing may always kind of be my favorite for sentimental reasons. And no one wants to read that novel.

Favorite Pairing That Never Came to Pass? Oh, you didn't ask? Well,

Kim & Way from The Shipper because I was so invested in what they had going on, and I will remain forever sad that That's It (even though I sincerely appreciate a bittersweet ending).

Most underrated actor:

Up until recently, I would have said Suar because his work in You're My Sky wounded me. Except La Pluie has happened now, and people really adored his character there.

I also would have said Gawin, but now we have Be My Favorite (which I have yet to start)...

Maybe Fluke Pusit. He's in a lot, but I'd like to see him take a lead in a QL. I just think he has the range, okay. I want to see it.

Favorite Character:

(a 2 part and this will be a trend, clearly)

Teh from ITSAY

Because I am a Teh, through and through. I love how deeply he loves, how brash and thoughtless he is while thinking so deeply almost ALL of the time that he is literally frozen in fear of his present and future. This character is for all the idiots out there with bleeding hearts and who want to make everyone happy and forget what being happy themselves feels like. Cheers.

Mork from My Ride

Mork is just so sincerely GOOD. From the first episode, I admired this character and the warmth and kindness he exhibits. He is just everything decent and sweet in the world, okay?

Favorite Side Character:

Instantly I will say MAE from 3 Will Be Free. I wanted so much more of her story and her time with Tur, and I want to see her HAPPY. I want to see her okay.

And then the 2-part (3, 4 part.. ) not asked for:

I really like all of Mark's side characters (Jedi especially). I like Chot from Step by Step so so very much. I love Cheep and Dej, the uncles from My Ride, and I want to know everything about them.

Favorite Scene in a QL:

I refuse to list an ITSAY scene again (but pretend I have listed every single scene from the series, because I have, mentally).

So, I'll say from You're My Sky, when Vee and Dome sit next to each other, and we get the moving closer, wanting to touch, knowing they shouldn't, to fingers brushing, to pinky holding, all framed from behind, without their faces and so full of ALL the feelings.

Also basically every night scene that exists in Moonlight Chicken, especially thst first drunken night:

And I lied, I will mention ITSAY: Teh and Oh on the floor, under the stairs, and floating on the water. The red bra scene.

The first two scenes have me in a chokehold for their depiction of desire and longing and confusion and shame, the wanting, the running. The floating scene has me in a chokehold because I love how much deeper their conversation in the surface is, when I became more than a casual listener and heard it. I love that it's about their feelings and how they handle them, and the first time I listened, I just really thought they liked floating and sinking, okay? And Oh-aew and the red bra is another 10 paragraphs no one asked for.

It's actually a goal/plan to go back and view my 5 & 4 star rated series because I have the memory of a goldfish and can't SOURCE MY FACTS OR FEELINGS, but it's all really real, and I know I'm overlooking everything and just listing basic memories here. Ugh.

Favorite Line in a QL:

That's sooooooooooo impossible!!!!

Pat's "it was so depressingly lonely for me" in Bad Buddy.

"Time flies, right?"/"It flies too fast for me to follow." SOTUS S

"You think you're sending out a certain frequency no one hears like that whale. But I hear you." 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

"In that moment, I realize if he's the bravery, I must be the fear." Not Me

and on and on and on, and this is Thai only, but there's also like 20 sad Korean/Tai quotes in my brain because I like SAD quotes.

oh, and shout out to Fluke as Army screaming "what the fuck" on loop in my head from The Warp Effect.

Most Anticipated QL (& why):

I think we are all very excited about Only Friends because it's going to look outstanding and be fun, and it's got an amazing cast. I'm most excited for Neo and Mark. And the wardrobes for every character.

Outside of OF, I'm excited for After Sundown, just for the supernatural/horror aspect and because it looked pretty in the trailer. I'm just mehhh on the actual pairing of the film.

annnnnnd Cherry Magic just because I have a Tay Tawan soft spot forever. 😅 I don't actually keep up with what's "coming soon" in BL/QL, so I'm sure there are amazing things in the works that I'm unaware of.

Healthiest relationship in a QL:

Wait, you guys watch healthy relationships??

Kidding... Heck, I don't know. I personally want whatever the gay uncles in My Ride have. And I am realizing the next series I need to watch is UWMA because it keeps being mentioned...

Most toxic relationship in a QL:

VegasPete and TharnType (although I guess one could argue they were both into how unhealthy it was, but not for my viewing pleasure)

Guilty pleasure series:

SOTUS. It was my first BL series back in 2018, and I feel like I've seen so much better series and films since then, but I get stupid comfort out of this show.

Also, Enchanté seems like a guilty pleasure because so many people dislike it, and I don't feel so strongly. I like to play it and make memes of every side eye and disgusted look Akk gives.

Most underrated series:

I still will say You're My Sky, even after seeing He's Coming to Me. Hell, I will say both of them, but for entirely different experiences.

They both are entirely made up of basically everything that almost all of my favs share, and they're sprinkled with helpings of what I look for in series now and going forward.

Personally, I want to say all of my Top Ten Loves are underrated, just so I can have more people to talk about them with. 😤

Thanks for reading!

[vulpinesaint]

by the way feeling uncomfortable in literally every public bathroom fucking sucks. one bathroom might feel safe for me but i feel blisteringly uncomfortable being seen in there and honestly being there in general. the other one i feel more positively about but far less safe about and that makes THAT blisteringly uncomfortable as well. i'm so grateful literally every time that i have access to a gender neutral bathroom because it's so much easier and so much more comfortable to be able to just use a bathroom but my work doesn't have one and the grocery stores don't have one and restaurants don't have one and the ones that do exist are only cause i live in a progressive state. could've died of happiness to see a gender neutral/family bathroom at the airport (and i STILL had to use a gendered bathroom later cause the few neutral ones i passed were occupied). my school has several gender neutral bathrooms but none of them are on my way to class so it's either risk being late so i can use the bathroom or be distinctly uncomfortable until i get out of class/use a gendered one. it's a real treat when i get out of class ten minutes early and i can go use the fucking bathroom like a human person in society. can you imagine how fucking easy it would be if we could all just use the bathroom. can you imagine it

[discyours]

I remember reading about your issues with prozac (or some other ssri medication?) i wonder if the horrible feelings you experienced slowly went away and if you took chance and tried another med (or maybe you still are on some?) where you stand on the topic of psychiatric meds overall?

Oh wow it's weird seeing someone reference something I posted about 4 years ago. Yeah, I was on prozac and basically went insane. The period is kind of a blur for me, I think I started taking it in late June and stopped early September. I started feeling like somewhat of a human being again in like... January? Maybe february? It definitely took a lot longer than just the 4 weeks after which it was meant to be out of my system.

I honestly feel like I never 100% recovered from it. I've talked to my cousin about it since, he was also on prozac and he said he permanently lost his ability to feel emotions the way he used to. He goes through things that should make him sad, realizes it should make him sad, but it just doesn't hit him. I don't feel quite the same way but it's similar. I'm just disconnected from myself. Things don't really feel like they're happening to me. I feel like I'm floating through life in a body that's not mine, I'm not quite a person, etc.

I genuinely believe that prozac nearly killed me and I will never, ever try another SSRI. "Try it all and see what sticks" protocol can go fuck itself. But my anxiety got to unbearable severity earlier this year, which did get me to try 2 new medications.

I was prescribed lorazepam for emergencies and still have 90% of it sitting in my closet. Don't understand how people get hooked on benzos, it helped me fall asleep but without actually calming me or my body down in any way and getting a full night's sleep while you're wired the whole time is a distinctly unpleasant experience. When I was able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist he gave me the standard recommendation of either trying another SSRI or moving on to an SNRI (same list of side effects, generally prescribed less often because the risk of side effects is higher, no studies on how likely you are to experience them if you've previously had a bad reaction to an SSRI). I did a bunch of my own research and he agreed to let me try buspirone instead on the condition that I would move on to an SNRI if that didn't work (which I did not stick to lmao). Buspirone gave me super vivid nightmares, and brain zaps when I first started which was pretty unpleasant. My dose got upped to 20mg which made me so exhausted I literally couldn't function. My limbs felt 4x heavier than usual, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. I remember one of the first days I was on 20mg I was in the city for an appointment and walking around hoping the side effects would pass enough for me to safely make it home. I got a ton of dirty looks because I looked like I was stumbling around drunk, at 1pm. My dose got reduced back to 10mg which was fine, felt like it was only reducing my anxiety a little but it was bearable enough and I didn't have any side effects anymore. Started getting hives so I had to stop taking it, my anxiety didn't go up when I stopped so I think it was just placebo at that point and now I'm not on anything. I'm not remotely anti medication but my experience up until this point has been so bad that I really just don't want to risk completely destroying my mental health and potentially losing my life to "giving it another shot".

Anyway the tiredness from buspirone fucked with my eyesight so I got my eyes tested and spent like €250 on glasses literally a week before I stopped taking it. I can't see shit with them on and I can see perfectly fine without them now. 0/10.

[vacantgodling]

The Fool, The Magicuan, The Emperor, The Lovers, Justice, and The Sun !!

(Might send another ask later. It was a long list and I'm currently at a lecture lmao)

HENRIKEEEE firstly thank u secondly LMAO felt i usually do most of my tumblring whilst at work 💀

00. THE FOOL: BEGINNINGS (What is the opening line to your current work?) 

hilarious cuz i haven’t written the first chapter of paramour yet. however i am counting cage as a current novel/project (it’s gonna have 20 chapters so 💀 fanfiction be damned that’s a fucking book LMAO) so here’s the first line from that (and shameless plug u can read it here!

Sometime closer to dusk when the number of airplanes he could make out crossing the horizon was fewer and fewer, and the lights of Gibraltar’s closest neighboring city La Linea began to kiss the night with her bright lights, Lena came to find him.

01. THE MAGICIAN: SPARK OF MAGIC (What inspired you to write your novel?) 

going back to paramour tho honestly the biggest jumping off point where it slowly began to take shape was crimson peak. i remember really distinctly wanting to want a story of that vibe, with ghosts and mystery but then it eventually evolved into the form it’s in now by drawing from other inspiration sources. like it’s very much Not like how i initially thought it would be LMAO but i love this version more 💛

i’m just gonna put my influences slide from my powerpoint to fully illustrate but yeah like A Lot went into getting this wip started.

a lot of it also hinges on the development of both hya as a character (being the first Real Asshole i’ve allowed myself to write as a protagonist) and his relationship with amon—also my desire to write a romance on My Terms just for me that I Liked. ive always felt like i had to write what other people wanted to see or what was good and wholesome but like. i can write whatever i want and this story was the first step in doing that.

04. THE EMPEROR: STRUCTURE (How do you plot your novels?) 

this is a bit of a complicated question only because it’s kind of… all over the place. but in general what i usually do is i make a VERY detailed outline of all the events i want to happen in the book. chapter by chapter the whole nine. like down to adding bits of dialogue, plugging in any exploratory pieces i wrote before hand for context or to add structure

(and what i mean by exploratory is like basically i don’t tend to plot immediately, i write small blurbs to understand the vibes and feels. a old piece on this blog somewhere (perhaps) is when i wrote about hya asking amon to come to the masquerade reception with him in an extremely roundabout way, but that was written WAAAAY back when i was first trying to understand their dynamic; hell amon didn’t even have a name! and now that scene has a proper slot in the outline in chapter 9 lmao).

but i literally do this so i can KNOW what the hell im doing. i’m not a pants-person by any means literally or figuratively, so i need to be able to see the vision.

once i have an outline fully written out i can either write from the beginning down (like i’m doing with cage rn) or i can do what i’m doing with paramour and write based on interest level. writing based on interest level is probably going to be how i write my original novels just because whenever i’ve tried to write straight down (like i have with donut wip) i tend to get mad stuck. and i think it’s because especially in first drafts of my original novels i tend to have certain scenes… fuzzier than others. i need the context of the other scenes around them to build them up. or those are worldbuilding holes etc etc. either way my og novels i tend to get stuck in cuz there’s more thinking involved lmao.

06. THE LOVERS: RELATIONSHIPS (What are your favorite relationships to write about, whether romantic, familial, or platonic?) 

romantic >>>>>>> familial/platonic.

i’m just a romantic at heart generally speaking.

but on a deep level i have a weird personal struggle (it’s the ‘ism) with family and friends so like… i just find them more difficult to write because i don’t really experience them “easily” in my own life? — or at the bare minimum they just spark less joy to me than romance to me. i want to get better at writing other kinds of relationships but i also think writing them just makes me feel lonely lmao.

11. JUSTICE: TRUTH (What is the 'truth' of your novel i.e the prevalent themes or overarching motifs?) 

🤔 i think the most prevalent theme of paramour is truth itself tbh. finding truth yes, and the power of truth in itself sure, but also cultivating the truth within yourself—you’ll only be happy when you live truthfully to your desires yknow?

19. THE SUN: POSITIVITY (What is your greatest writing strength or skill?)

pretty prose in itself. i think i’m really good at creating saccharine, deep descriptions of emotions and those kinds of sentences long winding and emotional really tickle my brain personally so i put the most OOMPH into them.

[thefoldedbird]

I had a Transformers dream last night!!

It started on a spaceship. The ship I’m on. It’s crashing. I’m getting directions from Ironhide over a comm to get my ass out of there.

I manage to find and put on a black skin tight bodysuit (something like you’d find under a mech suit) and a big glass dome for my head that seals to the suit.

The suit is so thin I’m having doubts about it protecting me from literal space but the ship is going down and the yelling is getting louder. I’m out of time and options.

I fling open the hatch -there’s fire around me- and holy shit their ship is a LOT farther away than I thought it would be.

I’m going on a spacewalk then. Great. I fling myself out of the hatch and aim for the ship.

I miss completely.

It’s dream physics missing though. I start getting pulled to one side. I’m freaking out. They’re freaking out. It’s Sunstreaker and Sideswipe on the comms now.

They send out a weird looking buoy. It looks like a metal briefcase with lights and propulsion. It pulls me towards a rendezvous point. I thank them profusely. I’m almost crying I’m so grateful to not be wilding it out in space.

I meet them at a decrepit ship. Sideswipe makes landing and explains we’re looting the thing before we head back to the ship.

I’m not much help. It’s dark and the floodlight I mysteriously have is out of batteries and I’m too worried about how loose the straps that are holding my phone in place. I’m afraid I’ll lose it. I fiddle with the straps while Sideswipe finishes looting.

In the end I loot next to nothing aside from some equipment near me. I also lament the fact I won’t be able to charge my phone anymore. I do briefly have an “awake thought” as to how it’s even working in space but don’t dwell on that.

Dreams are weird. But the low gravity is fun.

We dream jump cut. We’re planet-side now and I’m in a full mech suit. It’s not earth though. It’s not cybertron either. It’s distinctly organic but it must belong to the Cybertronians because there are a lot of them complaining about me being there.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are on either side of me warding most of them off.

The view changes briefly and damn do I look abysmally small next to them. Lol

We meet whoever is in change of the colony on the planet and he addresses everyone for a short bit before singling me out and calling me traumatized. I excuse myself from the group to shake off feeling humiliated. Once I’m done I go looking for the twins.

The planet is very pretty. The stone around us is rusty orange and there are big open cave systems. You can see the sky through big holes so nothing feels claustrophobic. There’s also moss peppering nearly every surface.

I wake up before I find anyone. :/

[writingonesdreams]

Hello, hello and happy sts to you, Dreams ^^ I hope you're having a lovely one.

So, I'm really curious about this since it's not something I've ever been able to do - When you create an AU for a story, where do you start? What does the process of deciding on and creating an alternate universe for the characters look like? How do you keep your AUs and the project that they're from distinct and separate from each other? How do you keep track of what moments happened in which universe for the characters? Do your AUs ever turn out to be more interesting to you than the original story?

Hehe this is a really good question set :D Going to put it under read more, my lady.

AUs are the most impulsive and playful parts of the writing process for me. The part I censor the least, actively and unconsciously.

An AU can start from anything. A situation, a dialogue, a scene on the train, an interesting movie clip, a series that sparks a setting or an idea. Anything I'm consuming, watching or seeing, when suddenly, bam, one of my OCs is there. For that one scene, one little instance. I take it and run with it. Develop it further out of sheer fun while I walk the dog and listen to music. Sometimes they are dead ends and the AU ends after two scenes. Sometimes they create a completely new fascinating situation that creates a new conflict that gives me ideas for new wip scenes or totally new stories. There is no way to know, just dive into it.

I trust my subconscious on choosing these moments though. Whenever a character gets inserted, it's usually because something about the scene/song/movie/character/situation touches upon something related to them. Part of their arc, theme, problem, state. There tend to be deeply emotional and fitting reasons why that OC gets thrown into that situation, why my brain chose to connect them.

For example the czech tv series I'm watching, called "Therapy". It's literally about a very good psychologist and his sessions with patients, the other characters. We don't know what happens anywhere outside of his office and the counciling, which gives it very specific lens to look through and lots of puzzle pieces to put together. One of the main characters in the first season, Igor, was very similar to Zephyr. I wanted to make them friends. I wanted to make Zephyr go to such therapies with this psychologists - cause their probelms and situations were similar and they could relate to each other. I also experimented with Skye being the therapist and meeting Zephyr as a patient. I also dreamed about Skye befriending and falling for Igor, saving him. As I was later thinking about it, it was because their dynamic would have been similar to Skye and Zephyr - Zephyr as this perfectionalistic soldier type struggling to ask for help while falling apart and Skye as the person to give him and anchor and provide him with comfort. By wondering about this scene I also realized one of Skye's deepest fears is not being able to give Zephyr comfort. That she feels his distress but him pushing her away is a sig of her failure, because he doesn't see her as strong and reliable enough to give him that comfort. This has been a thoughtline in Tears of Iron all along, but I never realized it this distinctly. My knowledge of the whole complexity around giving and accepting comfort I'm trying to tackle in the main story crystallized out of this therapy AU.

So the AUs can be very informative, or just wild and unbelievable and fun. They don't have to make sense or be meaningful, but the scenes that stick, they usually are and often inspire a new conflict or scene or dialogue or new understanding of the story.

They start from a single scene or situation that either can or can't be built upon.

How do I keep them apart? They start with a situation that couldn't happen in the main story. Skye can't be a lawyer in the Suits wealthy company, Zephyr can't be a regular soldier going to therapy, Leander isn't riding cosmic ships etc. The setting and the situation completely change the character's journeys and circumstances, but not who they are at their core. That's why these stories often feel like literal alternate universes and not distinct stories that would work with just anybody or a new cast. Because the characters are the same, but their core gets explored in different worlds/cards/conditions.

The more developed and complex an AU gets, the more she tests the quality and interest factor of the original wip idea. Stormkeeper plot changed so many times, cause I kept following whatever AU was the most fun. The normal world AU, the kings AU, the dark city AU do the same, they test if they wouldn't better stories than the main wip. But they usually aren't. There is a reason the main one is main XD something about it sticks, where the AUs fall apart or become too exhausting or just don't have so much content in them and span only a short story. But I'm ready to follow the AU idea that proves more interesting than the main story.

Thanks for stopping by, Ren, hope this was understandable :D

[collymore]

One sexually impetuous act by me doesn't make me a slut, irretrievably!

By Stanley Collymore

Yes, I was foolhardy to do what I did; but just as there was no coercion on my sexual lover's part to, at any cost, bed me, there likewise was no calculatedly cunning conspiracy on my own either to obviously ensure that he did and perfectly frankly and honestly what evidently happened between us consensually really came about both naturally and spontaneously. True to say I had long promised myself that I would really, never sexually involve myself heterosexually, for really it is what I unquestionably am, with any member of the male sex until I was over 18 and even then it would just be with somebody I basically knew personally, crucially liked or simply really deeply cared for reciprocally, was evidently, a legally consenting adult; and who were he to be even truly in love with me, nevertheless really respected me sufficiently to sensibly take, my well-known and cherished feelings into his fullest consideration before we crucially actually indulged consensually in mutually compliant adult coition.

Fully confident in myself that this was the way in which I would consciously and willingly lose my virginity, I consequently didn't worry or even think about sex unduly; as there was no real need or actually any reason to as I was just 16, quite clearly, still at school, and earnestly planning on subsequently going on to university. Simply, really the first person effectively amongst any of my family to actually contemplate far less able to do so; as my Gran, I learnt, was clearly obliged to get married as she was simply up the duff when she did so while rather tellingly Mum had me at 15, aptly quite predictably so according to Gran, having readily relinquished   her virginity at the age of just 14, rabid promiscuity on mum's part which undeniably resulted in her being up the stick with me really as the literal consequence of an orgy, that really she was fervidly part of with a group of itinerant, building workers that then were evidently, undeniably employed officially as a workforce and by my Mum to effectively be aptly the routine, ex-tempore sexual commodity, truly appropriately within her prudish community. Relevant individuals simply to Mum but rather obviously not any apparent reciprocation in direct response from them to her, other than the very usual sexual one, that undoubtedly simply left her pregnant with me after they'd literally gone.

Now, despite all my earnest precautions undeniably so to evidently, preclude me from being like either my Gran or Mom, yet in spite of them, there I was plainly pregnant and actually so at simply 16, and essentially quite obviously, not in love with the man, who unmistakably got me so, nor he equally undeniably significantly with me and discernibly with both of us intelligently realizing that any such imposed "consensual" marriage on our part, was really the last thing that either of us evidently wanted, or would itself be distinctly decidedly emotionally beneficial to our individual or irrefutably too our joint future welfare, and effectively therefore, logically and abundantly significantly, quite unquestionably, or very unmistakably also actually be intelligently considered, by any astute person, as a valid solution!

Mom though, ridiculously sought to have the final word by seriously suggesting that this young man, five years my senior, significantly from her clearly narrow perspective in  full employment, and who'd obviously always been quite significantly, crazy about me; feelings, which evidently I did know about I neither specifically encouraged on his part nor actually in any way actually reciprocated on mine. Yet for all that, there was my mother very blatantly, encouraging me to now literally, and undeniably totally brazenly, distinctively make essentially unconcealed amorous overtures towards him effectively and very immediately afterwards, followed by my distinct seducing of him; evidently unquestionably, simply letting him ignorantly and ardently take the bait which was on offer; with him becoming not only a loving and fittingly dutiful husband, but also an amenable, malleable and controlled father!

(C) Stanley V. Collymore 4 November 2023.

Author's Remarks: This poem is written about and, rather similarly too, specifically for Yvette - her surname is definitely not essential here, whose express permission I essentially have to do this. Yvette Forster came to my attention when she quite voluntarily joined an extra-curricular group that I'd previously established to facilitate the discarded needs and rather uncatered for abilities of children, debarred from schooling, in my home town and also neighbouring areas. Children that either because of the simply evidently odious and distinctly obvious bigotries they did encounter, were unquestionably awfully shunned because of them and were all connected to their Black race and skin colour, conjoined with similar intense and debilitating prejudices because of their societal environment - take that to quite literally mean white working class and council estate residencies - were they lived, and were more likely to be summarily booted out of the British educational system for so- called anti-social behaviour and the quite usually toxically hyped rigmarole, while similar activities and even worst committed by the public school perceived elites as well as the Middle Class social climbing sycophants will naturally and instantaneously be considered as just "high spirited behaviour"; it was quite obvious to me the Yvette  - who is white - was equally short-changed as all the others, Black and White, who were all part of this extra-curricular group that I'd individually set up.

To fast forward Yvette did exceptionally well and readily integrated with all the other members of the group. Ultimate like many of the others she got a well-deserved place at university where she studied science and subsequently on graduating and with the group's full support went to the USA to do her PhD which she excellently sustained.

Yvette never married her mother's very convenient choice of husband for her, nor the father of her son who manfully did ask her to marry him but she quite candidly refused his offer of marriage, her explanation being, she recounted to me years later, that marriage should be about genuine love and commitment, not convenience. However, her child's father, unlike many in his situation, did commendably and voluntarily accept his paternal responsibilities to his own offspring as well.

While in the USA Yvette did meet and fall in love with a young man she met at university there. He knows the full story of her life, for as the honest person she is, Yvette wanted no secrets of hers hid from him. They're now married, Yvette has her PhD and that lovely son of her is himself at university studying to a doctor; stating that his ultimate aim is to a surgeon.

[themooninverted]

What would you think if an evilized villain(maybe a wishmaker-like villain or maybe even a villain that's unrelated to the butterfly miraculous) caused Chloe and Zoe to switch bodies somehow, and nobody fully understands what's going on, so Zoe(in Chloe's body) is taken by Audrey back to New York, despite Zoe desperately trying to explain things. But Chloe enters a fugue state(heavily due to trauma caused by the neglect of her parents) and genuinely thinks she's Zoe, and is even able to recall many of the things Zoe did due to being in Zoe's body. The class thinks "Zoe's" change in behavior is due to the psychological effects of method acting, since "Zoe" is playing Chloe in Astruc's new movie, but they gradually convince "Zoe" to let them help her relearn how to be "herself" again. Meanwhile, in New York, Zoe is trying to get back to Paris, but when she gets there, “Zoe” thinks she’s there to try to hurt Marinette.

Ah! Uh, well first of all, congrats on being the first person to send me an ask, and the first person besides my real life SO or bots to leave a notification of any kind. Wasn't expecting a guest so excuse the mess, if you will.

Getting back at hand! I wouldn't think much of it, to be honest. It'd definitely would be fun, though I feel as though I've seen someone else asked this and answered to a far better extent that I. Distinctly remember in fact. Had to have been either Flightfoot or Generalluxun. Anyways, getting to see Chloe be given the chance to both have her behavior properly corrected while also having a support group in place to encourage and listen to her would be more than nice.

To be honest, not a fan of the fugue state idea. As fun as amnesia and false memories are to play with, it doesn't feel thematically resonant with the emotional journey Chloe would have to go on to grow and change. She's an abused, angry, self absorbed kid who is in many ways isolated and withdrawn. The thought of her in some way finding redemption in running away from the things she has done and the emotions and memories she has doesn't sit well with me. She might fully embrace the lie of being Zoe, but I don't want her to depersonalize so much she loses her identity to the magic swap. It's all about confronting who she is and for the first time shes being given a genuine chance to do so without her father or Sabrina flat out enabling her behavior. Honestly the set up you have here for Chloe's character is a bit muddled, as theres so many little ways that being Chloe stuck in Zoe's body just falls apart if Chloe just... acts like Chloe. I get it, method acting, and Chloe blabbing about who she is and having that initial freak out is likely where I see you thinking would lead to said fugue state, but it'd take a strong writer to delicately balance things to keep both her actions in character while also keeping her on the rails. Doable, but so easy to either gloss over or mishandle and move too quickly into "let's just pretend to be Zoe now" phase without the necessary foundation for both Chloe and the reader.

Zoe on the other hand has the much more solid path for herself as you've set it up. As I see it, anyhow. Stuck in Chloe's body, stuck back in New York with her mother and being removed from her friends. Literal nightmare for the girl, especially after she has spent all that time building herself back up. She'll definitely slip initially into how she used to act, though now her mother is berating her as she would Chloe. Which would make things click for Zoe. She's grown enough to see past her mother's bullcrap. Well, if her mother is expecting a bullheaded out of control daughter, Zoe is a strong enough method actor to give her said bullheaded out of control daughter, but this time with Zoe's newly forged emotional core and backbone. Zoe is gonna quickly learn she does not need to put up with that crap anymore and isn't. That just makes the hurdle in some way getting back to Paris and convincing the others that something happened, which itself could provide the writer an great opportunity to expand on the magical/super-powered aspect of New York/America in the Miraculous world. Something which my SO who I beta-read for, Pearl484, is doing with their fic Replay, though it's going to be a loooong while before they get to the point of reaching all that New York stuff, although they're definitely already expanding the magical lore.

On topic as to how said body swap were to happen, it'd have to be some kind of magic spell, super villain, or bizarre mad science because anything akuma related would immediately get fixed by Ladybug. No way around it, I'm afraid. Akuma's just cannot do that kind of permanent damage to anyone without everything getting reset, and no way in hell is Gabby-boy going to just dismiss an akuma half way into some inane plot to get those Miraculous(es/Miraculi)(?) so theres no easy out except to make whatever swapped them unrelated to the Zodiac/Elemetal/Yin-Yang Set (which I feel like has a proper name that I'm just blanking on, but it's the main set that all of ther main heroes and villains get their miraculi from. Not to be confused with the American Miraculous set with the Eagle and all that).

In conclusion, I think it's a wonderfully fun idea that I'd love to see something done with. Dunno what made you ask me, Anon, but I more than appreciate the chance to just spew my thoughts at someone other than my partner. I still believe this exact idea/set up has been asked before to people far more entrenched in the world of Miraculous analysis and far more interestingly than I, though I'm happy to share my two cents.

[positivlyfocused]

My First Full Out Of Body Experience

There are some things people believe are impossible. And yet, as I’ve said, and many others before me, including William Shakespeare: beliefs make it so.

What we believe, is what’s possible for us. Meanwhile many people are out there enjoying experiences most think are impossible. Tonight (Dec 3, 2022), I became one of those people.

I found myself in an extraordinary life-experience. It represents the culmination of a long-running cultivation of my Charmed Life. It also answers a desire I’ve been asking for, for some time. 

That is, I achieved my first out of body (OBE) experience. One in which I was conscious of the experience.

Castles and buttons

This blog contains literally hundreds of posts about experiences I’ve had over the years. One client complained these posts only talked about “little things” happening in my life. He wondered, where are the big things?

Meanwhile, I’ve been focusing on little things because little things lead to the big things. By focusing on little things, I soothe resistance standing between me and big things I want to happen. 

Big things like traveling out of my body.

I distinguish little things and big things in the same way Abraham does. Little things I consider “buttons”. Big things, I call “castles”. Whether it’s a castle or a button, the same approach applies. But creating castles requires sufficient alignment to All That Is. And most people are nowhere near that level of alignment.

^^Abraham talking about castles and buttons and the little distinction between the two.

So with most clients, I focus on little things. Meanwhile, with advanced clients, I prepare them for big things. The castles.

I consider traveling out of the body as a castle. And since I’m not a hypocrite, I prefer to speak from experience. Therefore, my own practice led me to this point. I knew it would come. It was only a matter of time, focus and discipline.

Now I’m receiving exactly what Seth and Abraham assure us is possible.

Here’s what happened

Here’s my journal entry describing my experience. I took some of the personal stuff out of it.

I did it! I just allowed into my experience, the experience of…how should I describe it…existing in my spirit body. It started with the flowing sensation I felt in [a previous session leading up to this one]…Then there were moments again where that external body shifting feeling came upon me. There were several of these that came and went. 

Then, I blanked out for…I don’t know how long. When I “came to”, I had the distinct feeling of being in two positions simultaneously. In one, I was sitting up in my bed. In my hands I held a small electronic device similar to today’s cell phones. I was typing something into it. And in the other, I felt myself laying prone on my back in bed! It was a little disorienting experiencing both positions simultaneously. I felt my “thumbs” moving across the device screen, yet, I knew too that my actual thumbs were attached to my hands, which were laying to either side of my body! I remained in that dual position for I don’t know how long. 

Then, I distinctly heard or rather got an impression that this was happening gradually as an introduction so as not to frighten me as before. I would begin, [the impression said] slowly experiencing the spirit body without being able to move around until I had the ability to hold the focus without it frightening me. I just knew that’s what was going on.

Then, I found myself back in my body, but it felt as light as a feather! I was in it, but could barely feel it! I consciously, deliberately then, basked in that feeling, appreciating All That Is for allowing this and me for allowing it too. Then, of my own volition, I decided to end the session. I slowly brought myself back to waking consciousness while celebrating my success! 

Supernatural is natural

I’ll write more about this and future experiences. I know this is not the first time I traveled outside my body. But it IS the first time I experienced the travel consciously.

True to Seth’s instruction, many, many extremely vivid and memorable dream experiences preceded this. Such dream experiences are prerequisite to out of body experiences. In other words, there’s a gradual increase in capability, leading to more and more capabilities ordinary people would describe as “supernatural”.

^^Experiences such as flying without the need of an airplane, levitation and more are not “supernatural”. Unless you think they are. (Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash)

But here’s the thing. Such capabilities are not “supernatural”. They are as natural as breathing. But for people who don’t believe them possible, they are not only supernatural, they are impossible.

I’m super thrilled with what happened. And I’m eager for more expansion of these abilities moving forward. Seth says once someone achieves a certain level where they realize they create reality, that person becomes more bold about what they believe is possible. At that point, Seth says, one’s potential becomes unlimited.

I’m now at that point. I can only imagine what’s coming next. I’ll write more about this experience, subsequent ones and what led up to all this, in future posts. Be sure to subscribe to this blog!

[mrcspectr]

So this is what it's like? Being on the inside?

Yeah.

I was thinking about mirrors, and how the reflections were a useful storytelling tool in the show to more easily portray communication between Marc and Steven while one of them was fronting and the other was in the headspace. Obviously it's not the most accurate representation of how that would work, but it's a more figurative representation then a literal one. Neither of them are actually in that mirror. And in playing around with that idea, I've realized just how distinctly different their comfort levels are when not fronting.

When we see Steven in the reflection for the first time here, he's terrified. This is a feeling that's unfamiliar to him, which struck me as meaning he either a) has never been fully aware when not at the front or b) has blocked out any previous experience with it. And the way Marc's voice immediately softens to comfort him, to sooth, because he knows how distressing it is. Marc's resolve to be bitter and angry at losing the scarab crumbles the moment he realizes Steven is even remotely uncomfortable. Steven doesn't really need to explain what it feels like, because Marc already knows.

It's horrible.

It's alright, you're alright.

I feel like I can scarcely move.

It's alright, just breathe through it. It gets easier.

What I've noticed is the differences over time in how Steven behaves in the reflection. This first time he's frozen, his whole body is stiff and every movement seems like it takes all his energy. He's struggling to stay present, and he doesn't think he's ever had to do that before. He's fighting to exist again, but it's in a more literal sense this time. He's not just trying to be seen in the world, he's trying to be in it at all.

How long you been doing this?

I don't know, it's.. a long time. Long time.

As time goes on, every time we see Steven in the mirror, his movements are either almost a reflection of Marc's, or nothing at all. In the hotel room, he's sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out at the mess Marc's made of himself. On the streets of Cairo, he's just watching as Marc fights and paces in front of him, hands at his sides. At Mogart's, he's standing in the same position at the sarcophagus, only just there enough to investigate or argue. In the pyramid, even in his awe at where he is, he follows Marc's steps. He's not able to do much more than follow the way Marc moves the body himself.

The reflections help, but most of the time it'll take all your willpower just to be a fly on the wall.

The difference is, Marc's been doing this for a very long time. The first few times we see him in his own reflection, he is constant movement. In the flat, he's moving towards Steven in the bathroom mirror, trying to spook him into inaction. In the museum, his reflection moves independently from Steven. In the bathroom, he is distressed, moving around the room, gesturing, expressive. Making sure he has Steven's attention.

Because Marc fully intended on being this way forever, so he became very good at it. He's been doing this so that Steven doesn't have to. It's the very thing that breaks his heart after the jackal, when he hears Steven's voice before he even turns to look at him.

This is the start of what I wanted to protect you from.