#but i don’t remember feeling close in age to young shawn?? like in my head i think i thought of him as being kind of considerably younger

[cowlovely]

scared baby shawn in this flashback…foaming at the mouth

[truglori]

Homebody (Ch.2)

Summary: Amiyah is the younger sister of local drug dealer (Durkio). Shy and reserved she keeps to herself and stays out the way. But lately she began to find interest in his right hand man/ best friend (Erik Stevens). Wanting to get him to notice her she discovers that he already had her wrapped around his finger without even trying! There was only a few problems that kept her away from her fantasies , her brother that controlled almost every single breath she took and would kill anyone who looked at her that way and lastly Eriks girlfriend, Alexis , who they called the queen of the hood according to her lavish lifestyle as well as being with the next newest top boy in the making. While Alexis was his girl to the streets all Amiyah wanted to do was be his Homebody...

Pairing: Erik Stevens x Thick Black OC

Warnings: Language

“Girl and when did all of this go down again?”

Amiyah laughed as she told her best friend , Kelley, about what took place between her and Erik. Kelley was someone who she met when she first started working at the boutique at the age of nineteen. She was only two years older than her. One day they decided to go get lunch together and found themselves hitting it off and have been inseparable since. Now they were two years strong into their friendship.

“I told you about three night’s ago. You would’ve known earlier if you would actually come to work.” She replied smartly while placing a jacket back on to the rack.

“And why am I just now hearing about this? You act like you can’t call me or text me.”

“Well that’s because I wanted to tell you in person to see your face when I tell you this part...He said that he was going to try and start approaching me more because we don’t speak to each other enough.” Amiyah couldn’t contain her smile.

“Are you serious?” Kelley’s mouth dropped. “Wait where was your brother during all of this?”

“Oh um I think he was in his car. Why?”

She shook her head. “Mmm that explains it.”

Curious to know Amiyah stopped folding the shirts. “Explain what?”

“That niggas only want to get bold when they get you alone. Never tough enough to do that shit in front of people. You know that was one of the reasons why I stopped fucking with Tony.” She spoke about her ex.

“First off you and I both know that Erik is nothing like Tony. That nigga was different and I don’t think he’s scared to say it in front of everyone...it’s just you know how my brother can be.”

“Overprotective.” They stated in unison.

“I know you like him sis but just be careful. You know dealing with his situation. Can’t be running around here being nobody’s side piece no matter how fine they are.”

“I’m not anybody’s anything. I’m just telling you what went down between us and you don’t know how someone relationship look like behind close doors.” Amiyah expressed becoming offensive.

Kelley playfully rolled her eyes dropping the topic while taking snap chat pictures by the register. Our manager, Rhonda, walked out of the back office with a clipboard catching her in act. She went up to her taking her phone pointing it at her.

“Kelley I don’t pay you to sit here on your phone lil girl. Do some work now before I make you clock out and send you home.”

Placing the phone down in front of her, Rhonda went back to doing inventory check.

“Not you acting like you my mama.” Kelley mumbled before going over to help Amiyah with the last of the restock.

They both mocked her words before silently laughing amongst one another. It wasn’t too long before they heard the bell on the front door signaling that there was new customers coming in. They turned their heads to see who it was.

“Hello, welcome Bella Ella’s ladies. If you need help finding anything don’t be afraid to ask these young women over here to help you.” Rhonda smiled at the group of four before disappearing back into her office.

Walking over to stand next to Amiyah, Kelley whispered in her ear.

“Aw shit ain’t that ole boy girl?” She turned to face her best friend finding the answer she was looking for by the expression on her face. She shook her head heading back to the register.

It was Alexis. Erik’s somewhat “girlfriend”. No she didn’t think that out of jealousy because there was some truth behind it. From all the conversations that she eavesdropped on between her brother and Erik, Alexis didn’t really hold a title like she thought she did. According to Erik she was just ‘fun for now’, whatever that meant. Alexis wasn’t anyone new around the block. She had her share of men who had some money and power to go along with it. With the pretty face that she had and the body to match it wasn’t hard for her to climb her to the top where the money was. Most niggas in the hood would love to be seen with a girl like her on their arm.

“Yeah.” Amiyah spoke softly to herself as her mood shifted a bit.

“Y’all need to help me find something. Tonight is date night with Erik. We do this every Thursday.” Alexis held up a sweater crop top as she spoke to her friends modeling it in the mirror.

Placing the last shirt on the shelf Amiyah picked up the empty box along with the plastic contents inside. Walking to throw it out in the back she was stopped in her tracks when she heard her voice.

“Amiyah? Right?”

She turned facing Alexis who had a huge smile on her face showing her pearly white veneers.

Amiyah smiled putting her attention on her. “Yes, how are you?”

“I’m good girl I’m just here because me and my baby are going out on a date tonight and I need to find something fast. I heard a lot about this store and I came through to put it to the test. Please tell me y’all have something.” Alexis clasped her hands together in hopes that her mans best friend sister could find her a fit for tonight.

“Sure. Do you know if you guys are going to be out and about or staying in one location? The weather keeps dropping these days and you don’t want to be cold.”

Putting her feelings aside Amiyah went to work helping her.

___________________________________________________

It was around two in the afternoon when Erik got a call from his friend to meet up for lunch. Checking his fit his eyes met with the gold chain resting on top of his crisp black tee paired with black jeans and a pair of white and navy blue Nike 1’s. Throwing over his long gray fleece he sprayed on his Mont Blanc Legend before heading out the door of his condo.

Twenty five minutes was the time it took for him to pull up at the restaurant and meet up with Durkio, who was already enjoying an appetizer. Walking past the hostess he gave a head nod assuring that he was taken care of, he greeted his friend.

“Damn nigga you had to start without me huh?” Erik dapped him up before taking off his jacket and sliding in the booth.

“Nigga that’s because every time I call yo ass it take you a whole hour to get here. I hate that shit. I don’t know who’s worst you or Miyah.” He stated going back to eating his mango grilled shrimp.

Erik smirked shaking his head.” Anyways what’s up with you?”

“Nigga I got a fucking problem that’s what’s up.” Durk finishing the last of his food before pushing his plate aside. He grabbed his napkin wiping off the remnants of the quick meal.

“Oh yeah with who?” Erik turned towards the waitress giving her a small smile after she sat down his water.

“Can I get you started with anything?” Clicking her pen she prepared to take his order.

“Not right now sweetheart, thank you.” Erik gave her a smile revealing his deep dimple.

Flustered from his looks she nodded quickly putting away her pad. “Alrighty, let me know when you’re ready.”

“Damn nigga you tryna fuck on her too or sum?” Durkio smiled sipping his cognac.

“Don’t worry bout where my dick go and tell me about this problem you got.”

“Aight so check it out. You remember how I was telling you how I’m trying to get more products right. Like I’m really gonna be out here next up on a different level and shit. I found a connect who need a distributor in this area.”

“Okay so what’s the problem with that?” Erik sat up waiting to hear what’s going on.

“The problem is Shawn and his people already moving some shit out here. Just found out today. I was been supposed to take his ass out but I been to busy looking for a plug. But that’s not the case. Ole boy Don put me up on game where that nigga stash at. Word is he holding a million somewhere not to far from here.”

Erik figured where this was going once he heard his best friend say he was already thinking about taking someone out. He wanted him to hit a lick for him. That was the reason for this whole meet up. No, Erik wasn’t a drug dealer but he wasn’t clean either. This is what he did from time to time to make money. He would rob people. It wasn’t something that he was proud of but it was a job that kept him well fed when he was out on his own by the age of sixteen. He started out doing a few here and there with one of the boys, Tray, who he met in foster care then eventually Erik found himself doing them alone. With his quick skills and knowing how to tote a gun it became second nature for him.

Which after a while got him caught up but was also the reason he met Durk when he was just only twenty years old. Erik was out doing a job one night that Tray told him about. It was supposed to be some quick in and out job but turned out to go in a different direction.

Erik began putting the ski mask on his head so that it would be easy to pull down for when it was time to go. He sat on the passenger side of an all black Nissan waiting for the right moment. It was about two in the morning.There was three guys sitting on the front porch smoking. He knew that in a minute they would go back inside for a rotation after keeping watch on them for the last three days.

“Listen lil nigga..get yo ass in and out. I don’t need you getting no extra shit like the drugs, leave that there...get the money and bounce.” Tray watched him while he took a pull from his blunt.

“Why you act like I ain’t been doing this shit for years now. Just stay right here I’ll be back in ten.”

He took the safety off his Glock 19 as he exited the car walking towards the house. He pulled down his mask to cover his face. Walking up to the front he took one last glance back to see Tray pulling off.

‘What the fuck.’ He thought to himself as he turned around to see about seven niggas now standing on the porch pointing everything from a glock to an AK-47 at him.

He threw his gun down on the grass in front of him with a certainty that this was his last day on Earth. He knew eventually that it would catch up to him but didn’t think it would happen like this.

“Wait this the young nigga that’s been hitting up all the traps?” Durk stepped down the steps laughing eyeing up and down Erik who couldn’t have weighed no more than 175 at the time. “Nigga take yo mask off.”

Erik lifted up the ski mask not showing an ounce of fear staring him down ,which Durkio saw and knew he had to get him on his team.

“If you gon kill me do it now cause y’all niggas not bringing me no where to be tortured or some shit.” Erik stated getting ready to fight to the death of him.

Durkio smirked. “Nah nigga I ain’t gon kill you. Ima help you.”

From that day on Erik went to work for Durkio and getting at least 8 out of 10 of his jobs done with no problems. Erik shook his head reminiscing about his first time meeting the man who could’ve took his life but became his best friend instead.

“Nigga you over there in wonderland. What you gon do? You gon help me?” Durk asked in need. He knew that there wasn’t no one better for this.

“I don’t know. You know I haven’t did a job in almost two years.” Erik sipped his water.

“Aw shit. Listen bro I know you not trying to get into this shit anymore but you know if I’m coming to you about it, it’s serious. I mean if you don’t wanna do it than fuck it what can I do...but if I die that’s yo ass nigga.”

Erik shook his head. “Nigga stop speaking that over ya life. Told you bout talking like that.”

He was serious. He knew that what you say about yourself can truly be spoken into existence. He experienced it at first hand.

“Yea yeah I heard you-“ His phone rung cutting him off.

“Hello.”

..........

“Yeah y’all need me?”

..........

“Aight say less I’m there.” He ended the call. He looked at the time cursing to himself. “Shit I gotta take this. I need a quick favor.” Durkio slid out the booth putting on his jacket. He threw a hundred dollar bill down.

“Wasup?”

“Pick up Amiyah from work and bring her home. I was supposed to get her almost an hour ago. Don’t let her talk you into taking her anywhere else bring her ass home.”

Erik looked down at his watch and saw 3:35 pm. He still had plenty of time before he got ready for his date with Alexis.

“I got you bro go do your thing.” Erik got up following him out the restaurant.

“Yo Erik let me know what the move is before next week.”

He nodded his head and dapped his friend up one last time before going to his car.

_________________________________________________

“Why won’t you just wait until I get off and I’ll take you home?” Kelley stated while chewing on her ceaser salad.

“Why would I wait that long and you have to close the store. Kells I’m sorry but I am tired and ready to go home. I been here since six this morning and my dumb ass brother know I get off at two thirty.”

Amiyah threw her bag next to her on the bench as she grew frustrated. It was going on four o’clock and her brother still wasn’t here. This was the main reason she wanted to get her license. She wouldn’t have to depend on anyone and could come and go as she pleased.

Scrolling on her phone she gave him another ten minutes before she would just get an Uber which she dreaded . It was something that didn’t feel right to her trusting a complete stranger to bring her home.

The bell on the front door dinged as it open. She looked up finding Erik at the door. Looking over at Kelley she had the same surprising look as she did while remaining to eat her food.

“Hey your brother asked me to pick you up. My bad I’m late. It was last minute.” Erik walked up to her and reached for her hand to help her get up.

She accepted the helpful gesture as she bend over to collect her belongings.

Amiyah timidly looked him in the eyes. “Thank you.” Her hand still connected to his.

He showed his dimples as he sucked in his bottom lip before looking down releasing it. He let her hand go as well.

“I’m parked right here.” Erik walked to the door opening it and waited for her to walk out first.

“Bye girl.” Kelley interrupted their moment clearly witnessing some chemistry before her.

Her shy nature exposing itself due to the fact that her crush was right there, she gave a half wave to her friend. Erik following her view finally noticing the brown skin beauty at the register. He saluted her as well and then left behind Amiyah.

Walking up to his Inifiniti Q60 she reached for the door but was stopped. She looked down and saw Erik’s hand on top of hers.

“You don’t gotta worry about reaching for one of these around me.”

She lightly giggled covering her mouth with her finger tips. Not because anything was funny, she did it to cover up her nerves as much as she can. No man aside from her brother showed her this much chivalry.

“Okay.” She got in making sure she was secured before he closed the door. She watch as he jogged around to his side and got in.

Erik rubbed his hands together warming them up as he hit the pushed to start button. This was his first time with her in his car and second time alone with her in all. He looked over and watched her as she was making contact with every thing else but him.

“You good?” He questioned trying to see what’s up as he leaned back in his seat while pulling off.

She nodded smiling showing her pretty whites.

“Damn what happened? I thought we was on speaking terms now?” He joked with her trying to make her comfortable. She was too shy around him.

“I just didn’t know you were picking me up. It took me by surprise.” She finally spoke up as she wiped the sweat off her palms on her pants.

“Yeah me either but I’m cool with it.”

“Well thank you.”

“It’s not a problem.”

It seemed to her as if his voice became deeper and raspier within three days.

“So how was your day?” She wanted to make small talk to try and make this car ride go by fast. Thankfully the didn’t live no longer than ten minutes away.

“It was good...had met up with your brother not too long ago then I have somewhere to be in a few.” He checked his watch.

Amiyah knew where but she wanted him to say it. “Oh yeah, what you have plan for the night?”

He glanced at her before focusing back on the road.

“You tryna keep track of me?” He smirked licking his lips.

She rolled her eyes looking out the window. “No it’s just that I saw your girl at my job today. She was looking for an outfit for tonight.” She let him know that she had put two and two together.

Arriving at the building he put the car in park. Leaning back into his seat somewhat facing her. “Who’s my girl? Hm?”

He wanted to put her on the spot to see what she know since she felt it was within her rights to question him.

“I don’t know what’s her name again? Amber or Ashley? Something like that.” She was being petty now.

Erik laughed picking up the jealousy that she was dropping. But he was going to play along.

“Nah her name is Alexis.”

“Oh yeah her.” She tried her best to make herself seem unbothered.

“You help her find something nice for me?” Erik knew what he was doing, he just wanted to see how far it would go.

“I don’t know you’ll have to wait until tonight. Bye Erik. Thanks for the ride.” She grabbed her purse reaching for the door when she felt his hand grab her forearm. Facing him she saw that his eyes were on her.

“Why you seem upset all of a sudden? What I do?”

“I’m not upset I just want go inside. I’ve been up all morning.” She stated somewhat telling the truth.

It wasn’t a secret to Erik that Amiyah liked him. He caught on to that very fast. It was her body language that always gave her away. Whenever he came around her she would tense up. She could never hold eye contact with him longer than ten seconds and she would always make herself quiet the moment he made himself known. There have been times when she didn’t know that he was around and he would hear her speak but when he’d show his face she was on mute. He knew that her experience with being around men that wasn’t her brother was low. She didn’t know how to express herself correctly so instead she would try her best to become unnoticeable. But he noticed her, he noticed everything.

“That’s not my girl. We just be fucking from time and time but I never put a title on her.” He spoke honestly wanting to leave her with some information she didn’t have to spend days trying to figure. As long as it came from him that’s all that matters.

Amiyah glanced down to see his hand had left from her arm. Crossing her arms she sat up straight. “Why you telling me this?”

Erik shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe that’s something I want you to know. Something I can share between just me and you.”

“Okay.” Going back into her timid state she looked down at her thighs.

Noticing this Erik nudged her chin with his fingers making her look up at him.

“I gotta go. But I’ll be around.”

She nodded her head.

He got out the car and opened her door.

“You want me to walk you up?”

“No I’m okay. I’ll see you around.” She smiled.

Before he could stop his actions he found himself grabbing her hand and pulling her back wrapping his arms around her waist for a hug. He felt it was something she needed. Hell he needed it.

He bent his head down smelling a mixture of blueberry and peppermint oil on her neck. That with the feeling of her soft breast pushed on his chest made his dick jump. It was something about her touch that felt different.

“Damn you smell good.” He mumbled but knew she heard him.

Just the feeling of his arms wrapped around her waist alone Amiyah wanted to moan so badly. When his hand swipe the small of her back she bit her lip. She didn’t know the meaning of what it felt like to be touch starved until today. Never would she have thought that a simple hug would make her feel thumping coming from her clitoris. His hands made her feel so safe and protected she didn’t want the hug to end. But of course all good things must come to an end.

Finally separating from each other she looked up at Erik who was staring down at her with low eyes with that bottom lip tucked in and his left dimple showing.

“ Gimmie ya number.” What came out more as a command than a question he reached in his pocket grabbing his phone. He unlocked it for her facing it in her direction.

Out of habit he kept his head on swivel checking his surroundings while he waited for her to make sure they were safe.

Without hesitation she logged her digits in his phone. Trying her best not to show the shakiness in her hands as she wrote her name and then placing a purple heart emoji next to it. Purple was her favorite color.

Erik checked it smiling at her boldness.

“Oh you got an emoji already. Most people gotta earn that in my phone.”

“Well I’m not most people.” She spoke under her breath.

He’d let her get away with that one.

“ Aight I’ma call you soon. Pick up when I do.” He gave her one last side hug before walking to the driver side.

“Wait but I don’t have your number how I’m supposed to know it’s you?”

“You gon know it’s me.”

__________________________________________________________

Part Three

Tag-list!

@supersizemeplz @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @hearteyes-for-killmonger @artisticestheticreads @uzumaki-rebellion @blowmymbackout @chaneajoyyy @thehomierobbstark @thiccdaddy-mbaku @curls-and-crosses @madamslayyy @goddessofthundathighs @eriksjournal @erikslulbaby @wakandamama @wawakanda-btch @wakandas-vibranium @wakandaforeverwrites @ghostfacekill-monger @killmonger-dolan @killmongerkink @migosis @raysunshine78 @alookintohersoul @popcorn803 @just-juicee @mllover260 @kimmyblckswan2 @koriiii @tchallasbabymama @toniilaney @marvelmaree

[peakyxtommy]

Wonder - T.S.

Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader

Summary: Based around song Wonder by Shawn Mendes. Tommy wonders about his love for the reader and has to make a decision to confess or deny it. 

Word Count: 2.7K 

Warning: Angst, Sadness, Fluff

A/N: Enjoyed writing this. Ya Girl Snapped LOL Listen to Wonder b/c that song snaps.

Gif Credit: @myimaginesworld​

I wonder if I'm being real

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice

To live inside a world that isn't black and white?

His heart ached again in this lifetime. His heart has not ached this way in the longest of time, since he lost his first true love. It was a losing battle because the only thing that painted his mind was the scene of you crying last night in his office. He did what he did best which was push people away. It was a trait he had gotten good at from a young age. Thinking he was protecting himself but was really doing the opposite. Avoiding being vulnerable, the risk that comes with letting another person in. Letting them see the deepest roots of your soul. The actions of the past that caused trauma on the present. Wishing it all could be wiped away in the future. 

He remembers the crack in your voice as the scene replays in his head. You came to his office, to be taken out to dinner as he had forgotten earlier in the week. When you show up to his office ready to be dined, you're met with the same old excuse again. That’s when your voices started out in a yelling match to now be in hushed whispers of the rarest parts of your mind, on display for the other. 

“Do you even love me?” Your finger points accusingly at him as he stands tall with a small space between your two bodies, but the tension felt made that space feel like you were across the room. It was a question that broke his heart even more than the first time the words left your soft lips. The way your brow furrowed and the curvature of your lips frowned with deep sadness, he knew this wasn’t a game anymore. 

“Why would you even ask that?” He questions in defense, not daring to meet your eyes, finding his reflection in his black shoes more interesting. 

“Lately, I can feel the distance growing between us, like a ship lost at sea, that’s getting harder to reach. I know I told you how I felt, a few weeks back. I didn't need to hear you say it back but, since then, it’s like you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. It hurts.”

You whisper the last part so soft, he almost misses it. He hears it but the thought scares him. Makes him want to run even further away than when you first said it to him. He stares as you hold back the tears in your eyes, silently pleading for him to say something, to be brave enough to let you in. He remains silent. 

“I love you Tommy, but I can’t keep doing this. It’s like lighting fires with matches, but it’s not catching with you. I keep leading myself into the flames, to keep on burning. It’s not enough to lose myself when you get to walk away fine, not broken hearted.” 

“Then maybe you should go. Find someone that is good enough for you!” He screams, throwing the glass in his hand against the wall, watching as it shatters into small pieces. This was the last straw for you. You just shake your head in disappointment, as he tries to get the last word in. 

As he watched you leave his office with the door slamming loudly, shaking the walls. He knew it was a mistake that he didn’t go after you or say the truth he felt in the deepest part of his being. So instead he sat in his office staring out the window nursing a bottle of whiskey and a pack of smokes, hoping it would take some of the pain away. It doesn’t but it at least numbs the thought of you in his heart and mind, at least for a little while.  

Right before I close my eyes

The only thing that's on my mind

Been dreamin' that you feel it too

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

He felt it felt deep inside his bones from the moment he met you. He couldn’t explain why when you talked to him it made everything feel different, feel new. He wondered about you. His mind couldn't stop traveling to the future. He let himself dream freely of loving you. He wanted to tell you the truth but he was afraid. You made him happy. You covered the deepest scars and wounds with your words. Words that spoke truth, spoke volume. You were sweet and kind, the almost exact opposite of him. You spoke with a smile on your face every time you graced him with your presence. 

It had been three days since he last saw and heard from you. He didn’t blame you at all, he blamed himself. He knew the look on Polly’s face the second day meant she knew something was up and today she ripped him a new one as usual, but he couldn’t be bothered to listen to her reasoning, already knowing the truth. He wished the truth didn’t hurt, that denial could be easier but it wasn’t. 

He spent his days forcing himself into work to not let his mind get too caught in silence because he couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you were doing in the small moments of your days away from him. It was only at night right before he closed his eyes he thought of you and him, the moments you shared together. 

“Tommy what are you doing, put me down!” You laugh as he spins you around in his arms.

“I have good news, you’re the first I'm sharing with!” He says with a wide grin, as he places you back on the ground. 

“What’s the good news Tommy?” You cheer, just as excited as him. 

“I got the betting license needed and I'll be able to expand to own a club in London. My plan is working out great so far.” 

“That’s excellent news Tom. I’m proud of you and know your family will be glad as well.”

“To celebrate, I got you something.” He pulls out a small black rectangle box placing it into your open palms. You open the box, to reveal a three stone diamond pendant necklace. It was the first of many moments where he would leave you speechless in a good way and gift you in a sweet way.  

“Thank you so much Tommy. You didn’t have to do this. I should be the one surprising you with a gift. I love it so much, I'm never going to take this off. “ You kiss him sweetly and allow him to put it around your neck.

“You’re my girl, you’re a gift enough to me daily (Y/N).” 

I wonder why I'm so afraid

Of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint

“I love you Tommy.” You spoke the next morning naked limbs entangled in another as your forehead rested against his collar bones, fingers tracing circles into his milky skin. Those words had been on your mind a lot the past few weeks. You were afraid to say them, to leave yourself open to being hurt. 

The closer you grew to him as staying the night more at his house and even slowly leaving a few of your things there. You knew it was him that made your heartbeat skip just a little faster and even when he made it angry or spark with fear due to his dangerous risk taking, he also calmed it like no other. Even though he wasn’t the best with words, when he spoke to you he tried his best and would say the words that seemed to soothe you back to peace. His actions of holding you closer at night or early in the morning or surprise gifts, made you believe it was all worth the risk of saying those three words. Three words that spoke volume, that could grow or crush you in the small fraction of a second. He was worth the risk. 

When he heard you say those words, it’s like a knife pierced his heart. A heart that already knew death and heartache. A heart that was on the mend, but still wounded. The words you spoke stroked fear inside of him. A man able to strategize, control men, and kill his enemies was afraid to love. He didn’t want to mess this up or say something wrong, even in this moment.

Those words were real, the emotions were real, and that what was happening between the two of you was real. It wasn’t a game or dream, but a connection. A connection he didn’t want to end or break. He knew he wasn’t a saint and surely he was going to Hell, but with you in his arms, he felt whole, felt holy. 

He did what he did best and shoved his emotions down. He didn’t say anything because he knew you weren’t expecting him too. The best he could do was offer a small smile and a peck on the lips as he held you closer to his chest, afraid that time and his feelings would catch up with him.  

I wonder, when I cry into my hands

I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man

He wasn’t one for deep emotions, because it made him feel less than a man but with you he could be vulnerable. He could fully be himself and you drew that out of him slowly at first. 

You tell he was angry by the slam of the front door, soon followed by the slam of his office door. Both shaking the house into silence and then the chatter continued like it was a normal occurrence. You knew not to bother him right now, deciding to let him cool down for a bit before going to see what was wrong. 

You waited an hour before knocking, making your entrance known with a hot cup of tea and a plate of dinner on a tray. The scene in front of your eyes almost shocks you, but you handle it by addressing it head on.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” You speak in a soft whisper setting the tray on his desk, as he furiously wipes his wet eyes. 

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. It’s all fucking fine!” He huffs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to will the tears away. You take a sit across from him in the empty chair allowing him to have his space, never seeing him this upset before. 

“Everything’s not fine. You’re angry and upset, upset enough that you’re crying. If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you. I’ll be here to listen.” You speak biting your lip out of nervousness of wondering if you pushed him too far. 

“Men aren’t supposed to cry, crying is weak! It serves no purpose.” He swallows the last bit of the glass of whiskey he’s been nursing next to the half filled bottle. His eyes still don’t meet yours. 

You finally come around to his chair to sit in his lap, forcing his eyes to meet yours. 

“That’s a lie because everyone cries. Crying isn’t weak, it’s a normal human emotion. It actually does you some good. I sometimes feel better after I cry and sometimes when I’m crying with the right person, it makes me feel even better than when I’m crying alone. I promise, I won’t think less of you if you cry. You don’t have to be strong all the time and hold all your emotions in. It’s okay to let it all out.”

You press a kiss to his forehead, knowing this man wouldn’t let you easily but you would open your arms wide enough to let him know you were a safe place, that you could be his safe place, his safe haven from all of the things going on in his world and mind. That much he appreciated and would hold on too, even if he couldn’t fully express himself emotionally yet. 

And I wonder if someday you'll be by my side

And tell me that the world will end up alright

You were sitting in your living room reading when you heard a knock at the door. You move swiftly to see who it could be at this late hour, having a feeling but pushing it to the back of your mind. It was only a week since you last heard and saw of him. You brace yourself for when you open the door, to come in contact with his tall and pale figure, standing in your doorway. His blue eyes had bags underneath them and his face was stone cold. 

“Can I please talk with you?” He asks.

“Now you have words to say, a week later. You seemed okay, not saying anything when we had words in your office!” You huff with anger, crossing your arms as you both stood in the doorway, cold air, nipping at you both, almost colder than the air between you two. 

“It will only take two minutes. If you want me to go after that then I’ll leave. I promise.”

 “Go on.” 

“I’m sorry for being daft and hurting your feelings. It was wrong of me. I’ve only been avoiding you because I love you. I was afraid of letting you get close because I know I’m not good enough for you and that you can do better. I’m selfish because I want you to choose me even if I'm not the best option for you.

 I’m plagued by darkness, but you’re the light that shines through. Even from the day we first met, I knew there was something special about you. I’m not ready to lose that, lose you, by letting fear control my heart. I will never be perfect, as good, and will always be in the head of danger, but I do promise to try my best to be the best I can be, if you will still have me? I really do love you (Y/N), even if it’s taken me this long to realize it.”

You can see the redness of his cheeks and the wetness pooling in his eyes as he makes his declaration to you. You can still feel that familiar sting of heartache from the week earlier, but you also feel the warmth of the love you have shared for him inside the depth of your inner being. There will never be love without heartache and making those hard decisions of staying or walking away. 

“Tommy you’re enough for me. I see the darkness and the danger, but I see the good in you. You need to start seeing it as well. If I had to choose you over anyone else, I would choose you time and time again because I love you Thomas Shelby, and only you. You have my heart and you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m still hurt by your words and actions, and if it happens I will leave. So don’t mess up. We’re a team and we both have things we can work on together because no one’s perfect.” You speak with seriousness in your tone but also warmth and love. 

 “Thank you.” Is all he speaks as his cold fingers find your cheeks and your ice lips touch soon becoming warm in his embrace. You let him into your home to warm up and have a cup of tea. Spending the remainder of the evening reading a poetry book you both enjoy, taking turns reading pages to each other, enjoying being in the embrace of another again.  

I wonder what it's like to be loved by you

He no longer had to wonder about your love, finally allowing himself to fall into you. To trust you fully and to let the walls surrounding him and his heart come down, knowing you were going to be worth it. 

-

Taglist:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy

[5-seconds-of-bucky]

Glad It’s You (Shawn Mendes Soulmate!au)

A/N: We got all kinds of classic tropes and au’s in here. Coffee shop, friends to lovers, soulmate. Also, let’s appreciate the fact that it’s actually of decent length this time :) My longest fic yet! 

Also, I’m aware that the timeline of some events that correspond to real life aren’t perfect but for the sake of my sanity please go with it 

Summary: Shawn lives in a world in which he believes he doesn’t have a soulmate until he starts feeling the emotions of someone else. You live in a world where undiagnosed social anxiety prevents you from finding yours. After not seeing each other for three years, the bond you once had is no longer as strong. How does Shawn tell you that he thinks you’re his soulmate when you’re still scared to talk to him like you once did? 

Word count: 8.9k+

Warnings: Reader is heavily implied to have social anxiety, swearing, descriptions of an anxiety attack  

*Disclaimer: The depiction of social anxiety is based off of my own experience and research and may or may not accurately reflect the experience of other people with SAD* 

It was hard to tell if soulmates made life infinitely better or perpetually more difficult.

The discrepancy probably stemmed from the fact that not everyone had the same soulmate indicator. Some had the tattoos of the occupation of their soulmate. Some couldn’t see color until they met theirs. Others could feel the emotions of the other person. There was an endless array of indications. Oftentimes, soulmates had different indicators. It wasn’t rare for someone to have a tattooed name while their soulmate could feel the other’s emotions. 

Since the day you were born, the initials S.M. were tattooed on the inside of your wrist. As a child it was a game. You asked every person you met what their name was, your mind consumed with the idea of eternal love that had been ingrained from a young age. There was always a moment of disappointment when they would tell you “Sammy Jones” or “Eric Miller”. With all the adults romanticizing the idea of soulmates, it was hard not to look for yours in every place you could. 

For a long time, Shawn thought he didn’t have a soulmate. There were no indicators while he was growing up to show that he could have one. He could see color and there were no special tattoos marking his body. It was a source of shame when his friends would ask, “What about you?” after telling him about theirs. Watching his friends talking about their indicators and finding their soulmates was frustrating. He was a normal kid. What did he do to deserve a life of loneliness that only a soulmate could fill? 

Even when his career as a singer launched and he started to understand why it was possible that he might never find love, it was hard to comprehend that he was destined for no one. Was he really that undeserving of love?

He was twenty when he started feeling someone else’s emotions. 

It came out of nowhere. He was celebrating the release of his third album and he couldn’t have been happier. He was on cloud nine, meeting everyone at the party with an enthusiastic smile and hug. He felt complete, even. He had stopped dwelling on his lack of soulmate and instead focused on putting everything he had into his songwriting. 

It was the best choice he’d ever made. His music blossomed and his mental health was better than ever. All the anxiety of being alone and hoping that something, anything, would pop up to show him that he was meant for someone had started to fade to the background. Maybe he would never truly be over the fact that there was no perfect match for him but he could try to block it out of his mind. 

There was a point in his life when he thought that maybe he did have a soulmate. That the system was screwed up and he did have a person. He was 16 and his career was already taking off but he couldn’t help but think that he was falling in love with you, his best friend, while he also fell in love with making music. 

You were by his side through it all: random nights when he’d ask you to come over to help him come up with lyrics, days when it started to get a little too much, evenings when he just needed a quick break. You were the best of friends and there was a bond you thought would never be broken.

One day, he realized that he didn’t need some tattoo or the ability to read your thoughts; you were meant for each other. Neither of you could deny the pull you felt when you were together and random people who didn’t know better often mistook you for a couple. 

But he realized too late. He went on his first world tour and wasn’t sure how to tell you his feelings when he was constantly so far away. You liked plans and stability; his life didn’t offer that in any capacity. 

And then it was too hard to stay connected. He was touring and you were still trying to finish school. There just wasn’t time for you to talk to him at 3:30 in the morning. So you lost touch. There was a text every once and awhile. An empty promise of “we need to meet up” or “wanna talk?”

You both decided in your minds that it wasn’t meant to be. That you had a different soulmate and he had none. It’s been three years now since you were together to have a real conversation. You were beginning to grow frustrated with the search for your soulmate and Shawn had given up all together. 

That was, until he felt a surge of anxiety hit him like a truck in the middle of his party. It lasted no more than three seconds but he couldn’t quite shake the feeling after it passed. He had no idea where it came from. One second he felt on top of the world, the next like he couldn’t stoop lower. 

~

It had only been an hour and a half but you were ready to leave the party. It had been an eventful night by your standards. You had talked to two people besides your roommate, which was two more than usual. Your roommate, Alana had been by your side the whole night, a promise she had to make before you agreed to come, but she eventually had to go to the bathroom, leaving you leaning against a wall by yourself. She had only been gone for three minutes, you could feel all the anxiety creeping up on you. 

Do they think I look lonely? My friend will be back in a minute, I swear!

If I look at my phone they might think I’m just chilling.

They probably think I’m that weirdo that stands against the wall the whole time and doesn’t talk to people. 

Calm down. Nobody cares what you’re doing. They’re all doing their own thing. 

. . . They looked at me funny. They think I’m weird. 

Oh can we just go home? 

As much as you tried to tell yourself that no one cared that you were standing against the wall by yourself, there was that part of you that convinced you that they cared a lot. You were already exhausted purely from being around all the people and loud music. Alana had been gone for three minutes and in those three minutes you had begun to shake and sweat just the slightest bit. You knew that nobody was judging you, it was irrational, but in the back of your mind told you otherwise. 

~

Shawn excused himself from the room, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. While it wasn’t completely abnormal for random bouts of anxiety to hit him, this one felt different. Foreign, as though it wasn’t his own emotions, rather, someone else’s. 

He wiped his hands on his pants, confused as to why they were so sweaty all of a sudden. It wasn’t particularly hot yet he felt warm. Maybe he was worrying too much. It was probably nothing. He ran a hand through his hair before going back to the party, putting a smile on his face and the past ten minutes behind him. 

“Hey man, you alright?” Brian asked as he approached him. 

‘Yeah, just needed to go to the bathroom.” 

“You sure? You look a little shaken.” He wasn’t blind to how Shawn’s eyes were darting around and how he appeared a little more closed off than usual. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He turned his head when someone else called his name and nodded to Brian before heading over to them. He spent the rest of the night doing his best to look excited, but those three seconds plagued his mind the whole time.

~ 

While Shawn struggled to keep his hopes of a soulmate under wraps, you were more desperate than ever to find yours. It seemed like all of your friends were finding theirs and you were perpetually alone.  

With the way you tended to shy away from meeting new people, most people assumed you didn’t want to find your soulmate. That you would rather live a life alone, or that maybe you were never assigned a soulmate to begin with.

You had met a few potential soulmates after losing touch with Shawn. Every time you heard an S.M. name your heart stopped. Maybe you had finally found them. You pushed past the fear of approaching them, rationalizing it with the thought that this could be your only chance to find them. It never worked though. They all had an indicator pointing towards someone else, leaving you upset and embarrassed.  

There was always a small part of you that thought Shawn could be your soulmate, even if he didn’t have any indication of one. You were sure he thought the same way but you lost touch before either of you could really say anything about it. 

You thought about asking him to meet up when he was in town a few times but something stopped you every time. The thought of what if he doesn’t remember me? or worse, what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? was enough to keep you from sending the text. 

It was easy to ignore your loneliness when you could bury yourself in schoolwork, which you had a tendency of doing. It was the easiest excuse to get out of everything. Don’t want to go to a party? Oh, I have to finish editing my essay. Alana tried to set you up on a blind date? I have tests coming up I need to study for. 

Alana was determined to help you find your soulmate, even if you didn’t want to cooperate. 

“Come on, Y/N. Maybe they’ll be at this party! I promise there won’t be a ton of people there and I know you finished that essay last night cause you told me about it and said that you were looking forward to a work free night,” she said, closing your laptop so you couldn’t “work” on your already finished essay. 

“But I want to go over it a few more times to make sure everything is right,” you replied. “Besides, we went to a party last month.” 

“Exactly, last month. Let’s go.”  

“I don’t want to go.” 

“You’re never going to meet your soulmate just sitting at your desk and pretending to work on an essay.” 

“It’s not entirely impossible.” 

“Y/N.” 

So that’s how you ended up at the party, looking around for a potential soulmate. You insisted that they wouldn’t be there; they never were, but Alana insisted that a night out would be good for you, no matter the soulmate circumstance, and dragged you along. 

Truth be told, it was a good thing she forced you to attend. If you had it your way, you would spend most nights in your room, ignoring the rest of the world and sitting on your phone. You were fine hanging with close friends every once and awhile, but a night in was always more appealing. 

According to Alana, however, that wasn’t normal, and you needed to go out in the world and talk to people, unless you wanted to be alone forever. 

You would say, “But I do want to be alone forever. If you haven’t noticed, I don’t even like going to the bank, much less a party filled with people I don’t know.” 

And she would say, “Please, I know that you want to find your soulmate and the only reason you don’t like going to the bank is because it makes you nervous and you’re worried that the people working there are going to be mad at you for no reason.” 

So you would say, “I’ve probably met all the potential soulmates already. What’s the chance that some random person is going to show up to the party and just happen to be that person?” 

And she would tell you, “People randomly meet their soulmates all the time. Yours isn’t going to walk through this door without knowing you first. If you don’t at least leave this dorm you’ll never meet them. Think of how lonely they must feel, waiting for you to come out of hiding.”  

And, as much as you wished you could, you couldn’t really argue with that. The real problem after that was talking to people. You argued that you’re already there, so there’s no reason that if your soulmate was at the party, they couldn’t come find you. Alana tried to get you to socialize by walking around with you and introducing you to new people, but they were usually more interested in talking with her than you. 

That’s how you ended up against the wall, allowing yourself to overthink while Alana went to the bathroom.

~

Shawn continued to experience those random emotions throughout the tour. Random flashes of feelings that weren’t quite his. He would be lounging around when he would suddenly feel excited and energetic, only for it to pass by within a few seconds. One time, he was feeling particularly miserable when a surge of adrenaline and anger came through him. 

He had no idea where the feelings were coming from. He was starting to think that they were somehow connected to his soulmate. 

A glimmer of hope after years of desperation and disappointment. 

Part of him wanted to dismiss it, thinking that no, I can’t have a soulmate. I’ve worked way too hard to get past this to dwell on it again. The other part wanted to take the idea and run with it. 

He tried to argue with himself that it couldn’t be soulmate related.

It’s not like it happening all the time or constantly in the back of my mind.

How would this help me find them anyways? 

It’s all in my head. 

Still, it did little to block the thought that maybe, just maybe, it was related. 

~ 

It was a quiet day at the coffee shop. Granted, most days were fairly quiet, as the shop was located in a secluded area, but still. You assumed it was mainly attributed to the fact that exams were coming up and people didn’t have time to drive down to the shop when there was a Starbucks much closer to the dorms. You were in the same predicament, having your books splayed out on the counter to study in between customers. 

You and Shawn used to come to the coffee shop every Friday after school. Even after Shawn left to go on tour and live life as a rockstar, you made sure to visit the shop at least once a month. Afterall, you were friends with the owner, Eileen, and you would hate to just stop coming and never see her again. 

You eventually landed a job there. It was a little bit of a drive from the dorms but you knew that when Eileen offered you the job, you wouldn’t be able to find one with as good pay and flexible hours anywhere closer. Sometimes being friends with the owner for a long time has its perks.

There was a collage of photos on the wall behind the register that made the place really feel like home. There were tons of random photos ranging from when the shop first opened to when Eileen took a picture of a slice of cake she insisted had a face in it. 

You appeared on the wall a few times, but your favorite picture was the one of you and Shawn right before he left for tour the first time. You were both laughing in the picture, Shawn’s arm around your shoulders as you leaned into him. It was the last time you went to the shop together and you remembered just how fun of a time it was. It always left an ache in your heart when you looked at it, remembering all the good times you had together. 

You didn’t have many other close friends, so once Shawn left for tour you felt a lot lonelier. Your mom tried to get you to make new friends, but it wasn’t as easy for you as she insisted it was. 

“Why can’t you talk to the people across the road? They have  a girl your age.” 

“But she already has a friend group. We’ve lived across the street from each other for years. It would be weird if I suddenly introduced myself and tried to break into her friend group.” 

“You’re never going to make friends if you don’t talk to people.” 

“I have friends.” 

“But don’t you want to hang out with more than two people?” 

“No, I have my friends. That’s all I need.” 

More often than not, you did wish you had more than two friends, or that Shawn would come back and eliminate the need to make new ones, but wishing did nothing to help your loneliness.  You made a few more friends once you went to college, and you were completely okay with your small group, but it never satisfied the longing to see Shawn again. 

~

“What are we doing here?” Brian asked as Shawn pulled into the parking lot of a worn down but homely looking building. “And what is this place?” 

“It’s a coffee shop I used to come to every week. I haven’t seen Eileen in years,” Shawn said with a wistful look as he parked the car. 

“Eileen?” 

“The owner.” 

Brian huffed, realizing that they would be stuck there for a while if Shawn knew the owner. He liked to talk to people. And when he talked, he talked and talked and talked.

“Relax, I’ll buy you a coffee.” 

They both got out of the car and walked into the shop, Shawn smiling when he heard the bell above the door ring. He looked around for a second, noting how almost nothing changed since he’d last been there a few years ago. The chairs and tables were still in the same places, same coffee smell, even that stuffed cat that Shawn gave Eileen as a joke was still sitting on the windowsill. 

The only big change he noticed was the photo wall. There were a lot more photos than he remembered. He wondered if he would still be able to find that picture of you and him. 

He looked to the counter and saw a girl with Y/H/C hair, her head buried in the textbooks that were scattered across the counter. 

“Dude, we getting coffee or what?” Brian said with a teasing smile, walking closer to the counter to read the menu posted on the wall behind it.

You were so invested in studying that you didn’t even hear the bell ring when they came in, only looking up when you saw someone approaching the counter out of the corner of your eye.

“Oh, hi, sorry ‘bout that. How can I help you?” you said as you looked up, met with the face of an oddly familiar young man. 

“Can I get a-”

“Y/N?” Shawn questioned from behind him, confusion painting his face. He hadn’t seen you in three years but you didn’t look all that different. A little more mature, sure, but he could tell it was still obviously you. 

You furrowed your eyebrows at the familiar voice, glancing behind Brian to see Shawn. Your eyes widened at his appearance, no longer a boy but now a man. “Shawn?” 

“Hey, Y/N, can you empty the garbage and put it out back?” Eileen asked as she walked out of the small kitchen area that was closed off from the rest of the store. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Shawn, a smile taking over her face as she took in how he’d grown up over the years. “Shawn Mendes, is that you?” 

“Indeed, it is,” he said with a shy smile. “How are you Eileen?”  

“Pretty good if I do say so myself. How are you? How’s the rockstar life treating you?” 

“It’s pretty great.” 

Meanwhile, you were still staring at your former best friend, mouth slightly agape as you took him in.   

“Well why don’t we get you two some coffees? On the house of course. Y/N, stop staring at the poor boy. It’s not like you’ve never met him before.”  

You looked at the ground for a second and blushed, smiling at the sound of Shawn’s giggle. 

“Alright, what can I get you guys?” 

They gave you their orders and you got to work, denying the ten dollar bill Shawn offered you to pay for them. 

“On the house, remember? Or are you Mr. rich guy now?” you asked with a slight surge of confidence. You hadn’t seen him in years, but the urge to tease him every chance you got was still there.

“Ooh, okay. You think I’ve changed that much?” 

“A little bit. It’s been a while.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong. I am the exact same person as I was three years ago.” 

“I’m not too sure about that, but okay.” 

Shawn rolled his eyes and put the bill in the tip jar. “Alright, coffee girl. I would like my coffee in two minutes flat. No more no less. Brian is on a very tight schedule so we have to get him home in time for his nap.” 

So Brian was his name. “Your wish is my command, good sir,” you said, bowing at him before turning around to start the drinks. You could hear Shawn giggle behind you, sending an eruption of butterflies to your stomach. 

Shawn felt a slight nervous tinge as well. One that wasn’t quite his. He felt completely natural around you but maybe his soulmate was somewhere else feeling nervous about a presentation or something.  

You gave the boys their coffee, sticking your tongue out at Shawn when he commented on how it took three and a half minutes instead of two and demanded his money back. You returned to the counter, trying your best to focus on studying. You kept getting distracted by Shawn’s voice, which carried across the shop, as he talked to Eileen. He was sitting in the same two person table against the wall that you used to sit in during your weekly visits.  

“You need to go talk to him.” You jumped slightly when you noticed Eileen next to you. 

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me,” you replied tentatively, flipping the page of your book in hopes that it would make it look like you were actually studying. The burst of confidence was gone and you came to the reality that you were both no longer the same person you used to be, therefore, you couldn’t keep that same dynamic. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“I dunno. Just a feeling.” 

“Go talk to him. I know you want to.” She gave you a knowing look and you sighed. “I’ll take over for you for a bit. Go talk to your best friend.” 

“But he’s with Brian and I don’t really know Brian and what if they don’t want to talk to me they just wanted to hang out and-” 

“Y/N.” 

Suddenly, the butterflies grew, and it became more of bird wings than butterflies. You took a deep breath and made you way over there, praying that it would be over quickly and you could go back to studying by yourself. 

You quietly pulled up a chair and sat in it, waiting for Shawn to finish whatever story he was telling Brian.  

“Y/N, just in time,” he said with enthusiasm. “I was just telling Brian the story about Willy the window cat.” 

“Ahh, a classic.” Shawn could sense your unease and quickly introduced you to Brian. He was well aware of your lack of people skills and how uncomfortable you got around new people.  

You spent the better part of the rest of the hour catching up with each other, Shawn doing a lot more talking than you, which you were completely fine with. You tried your best to not show how nervous you felt. 

Even as you tried your best to hide it, Shawn was picking up on the nervous habits. Your lifestyles might’ve changed but you were still the shy girl who subconsciously picked at the inside of her elbow and bounced her foot excessively when nervous. It didn’t matter if you hadn’t seen each other in years, he still knew you like the back of his hand. 

There were days, back when you were really friends, where he would reach over and grab your hand so you would stop picking, or place his hand on your knee to stop the bouncing. He chose to ignore it now, realizing that you had grown apart, and now wasn’t the time to jump back in so intimately. You were always self conscious about the habits and he didn’t want to make you more nervous by pointing them out. 

Even though he was more focused on you throughout the conversation, he noticed how Brian was seemingly getting more and more bored hearing him talk. As much as he wanted to stay and talk to you, he knew he should probably get going. This was supposed to be a quick pit stop to drop in and say hello, not an hour long catch up with the girl he used to be sure was his. 

“We should get going. I think Brian is going to walk home if I stay here much longer.” Brian’s head perked up at the mention of his name and Shawn chuckled. 

“Meet you at the car. Nice meeting you, Y/N.” He was up and out the door in a matter of seconds, causing Shawn to chuckle again.  

It didn’t sit all that well with you though. 

Oh no, he doesn’t like me. 

He thinks I’m some weirdo who doesn’t talk. 

I barely know the guy and he already hates me. 

“We should meet up, just the two of us, sometime. I’m on a break from tour if you’re free anytime soon,” Shawn said, breaking you out of your thoughts. “And don’t worry about Brian. I think he’s just tired.” 

It did little to ease your fears but you smiled like it did anyways. Were you that easy to read? “Uhh, yeah. I have exams next week but we can meet after that.”

“Alright, how does the eighteenth sound?” 

“That works.” You stood up and put your chair back at the table it came from, turning around to find Shawn closer than you expected him to be.  

“Awesome. Text me your address so I can pick you up and take you somewhere.” 

“Okay.” He threw you his signature smile and it made you melt a little. 

“It was great seeing you, Y/N. Tell Eileen I said bye.” 

“Good seeing you too and you got it.” 

He pulled you into a quick side hug and left. 

As much as you tried, you couldn’t study for the rest of your shift. Only three more customers came in within the two hours you had left, so you spent a decent amount of time staring at the wall and stressing about meeting up with Shawn. Two weeks gave you plenty of time to stress about it, which led to thinking of ways to get out of it. 

~

Maybe if I don’t text him the address, he’ll forget, you thought as you stared at your phone the next day, messages open to Shawn’s name, your thumb hovering over the keyboard. It could work. That was enough to convince you to turn off your phone and worry about it later. You went back to working on the presentation you were working on, only pausing when you felt the buzz buzz of your phone telling you that you got a text. 

From Shawn: Hey, what’s your address? What time do you want me to pick you up? 

You panicked slightly, upset that your plan had already fallen apart. You decided to ignore it for the time being. You would worry about it later.  

“Hey, Y/N, can I borrow your phone for a second? Mine’s dead,” Alana asked as she came into the dorm. 

“Sure,” you said as you handed her the phone, not bothering to look away from your computer. 

“Who’s Shawn and why is he asking where you live?” 

Your eyes widened as you realized you forgot to clear the message. “He’s just an old friend. We’re uhh meeting up since we haven’t seen each other in a while.” 

“Well are you going to text him back or do I have to do it?” 

“I will, later.” 

“You’re actually going to do it?” she asked with a curious smile. “And you’re actually going to meet up with him?” 

“Yeah . . .”  

“I’m holding you to this.” 

“What, why? I’m capable of handling my own social life.” 

“Sure you are. You’re not getting out of this though. I know that look.” 

You sighed and glared at her. She knew you too well. “Do you actually need my phone?” 

“Yes, I need to call my mom.” She sent you a sweet smile and you shook your head. “Thank you.” 

You texted Shawn at 9:12 that night, six hours after he sent the original message. 9:12 specifically so it looked like you just saw it and responded as soon as you did, not like you ignored it and were planning to send it at  a specific time, like 9:15. 

He responded thirty seconds later with a thumbs up. 

~

The day of the meetup was stressful. You had already been in your head about it for the past two weeks, but you really started worrying when you realized you had no idea what was going to happen. 

Shawn refused to tell you where you were going, only telling you to dress comfortably and that you would only be gone for a few hours. Being a person who liked schedules and knowing exactly what was going on, this didn’t make you too happy. It sounded a lot like a date, which only made you more stressed. 

“Do you think this will be okay?” you asked Alana. You were wearing jean shorts and a semi-cute top. Not too fancy but not too casual. 

“Is this a date or friend meetup?” 

“Friend meetup.” 

“You look great.” She could sense the hesitation as you looked in the mirror, deciding if you agreed with her or not. “You’re gonna be fine. From what I’ve heard, you were best friends for a long time. You’ll be back to that in no time.”  

“I don’t know. It’s been so long and-” You were interrupted by a text from Shawn telling you he was there if you were ready. 

“Go have fun. Take a deep breath and stop worrying about it, alright?” 

“Okay.” You gave her a smile before putting your phone in your back pocket and leaving. You could see Shawn leaning against his car and looking at his phone once you left the building.  

Shawn had been quite excited to hang out with you again. There wasn’t any part of him that was nervous until he went to get drinks for the two of you that morning. It had been slowly building up all day, but it felt more like his soulmate’s than his own. 

“Hey, you,” he said with a smile. “Ready to go?” 

“You bet,” you smiled back at him, walking to the other side of the car to get in. 

“I got you a frappuccino.” He gestured to the cup holder. “I don’t know if what you like has changed but it’s what you used to get so I hope it’s okay.”  

“My taste hasn’t changed a bit,” you chuckled. “Thank you. That’s really sweet of you.” 

“Of course. What better way to rekindle our friendship than by reliving the old times?” 

“True, true.” You discretely wiped your palms on your shorts, unsure if it was from nerves or the heat. “Want to tell me where you’re going?” 

“Nope. It’s a surprise.” His eyes had a mischievous glint to them. He knew how much it was bothering you.  

“This feels like a first date,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. You knew that Shawn was like this by default, but you couldn’t help but feel a little extra awkward anyways. 

“Not my intention,” he chuckled. “I just wanted to be nice.” 

“I know, I’m just awkward.” 

Shawn laughed and shook his head.  

You didn’t drive for much longer, arriving at a small park no more than fifteen minutes after you started. 

“I figured we could walk and catch up, if you’re good with that.” 

“That’s good. Why didn’t you just tell me we were going to the park though?”        

“Wanted you to get worked up about it.” 

You gasped. “That’s mean.”  

“Gotta balance the niceness out somehow.”  

You spent two hours walking around and catching up. You felt yourself ease up as you talked. He was still your Shawn and he barely changed from the last time you talked. The evening ended with a hug and promise to hang out again soon. 

“See,” Alana told you when you told her how well it went. “Sometimes you need to just give yourself the push.” 

The more and more time you spent together, the more and more Shawn became sure that you were the mystery soulmate whose emotions he had been feeling. 

He would feel a twinge of extra excitement before you hung out or right before you texted him I got an A on that essay!!!!!

He was never completely sure though and never told you about it. He wanted to test the theory but wasn’t sure how he could do it without you knowing. 

Meanwhile, your search for your soulmate slowed. You came to terms that they would come when the time was right and that you needed to enjoy life as it was. Your best friend was on a break from his hectic life for the first time in a long time and you wanted to spend all the time you could with him. You felt a little less anxious when you were around him, which could also be attributed to the lack of school work due to summer break, but you liked to believe he was helping. 

The great thing about Shawn was that he knew not to push too hard. Alana didn’t always know when to stop pushing you towards doing things out of your comfort zone. You’ll admit, it was sometimes good for you. Other times, it caused way more anxiety than necessary  and you would be out of it for the rest of the day. Shawn, on the other hand, could tell when something really could be too much and would stop. 

There was only one time when he knew he was pushing too hard but continued anyways. 

“You wanna be my date to the Grammys?” You had discussed his nomination earlier that day, but he never mentioned bringing someone with him before. 

“Date?” You had a playful smirk on your face and Shawn just rolled his eyes and nudged your shoulder. 

“Do you wanna be my extra person who’s my best friend, not date, cause I don’t have a date, date? 

“As amazing as that sounds, I don’t think so. Way too many people.” You hoped he would just drop the subject. 

“Come on, it would be fun. Besides, how often do you get an invitation to the Grammys?

“Never . . . because I don’t want to go.” 

“Please, Y/N. I don’t have anyone else to take and we would have such a good time.” 

“Take Aaliyah.” 

“She probably has stuff going on.” 

You have tons of other friends. Take one of them.” 

“Yeah but you’re my best friend and I want to take you.”

“Shawn I really don’t think I should. There’s gonna be a ton of people there and I don’t have the money to buy a fancy dress-”

“I’ll buy you a dress and stay with you the entire night.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. Besides-” 

“Please, Y/N. I will beg you every day until you say yes. Just this one time, then I promise I will never ever make you go to a party or awards show of any kind.” 

“Fine,” you sighed. You knew that it was a bad idea but you also knew that Shawn would hold true to the begging. 

“Thank youuu.” He reached over and pulled you into a hug 

“You owe me.” 

~ 

The week before the Grammys was more anxiety inducing than anything in your entire life.  

You got your dress a month ago but was starting to have second thoughts on it. Was it fancy enough? You had scrolled through endless pictures of past Grammy looks and everything looked so much more elaborate than your midnight blue dress. Tiffany had picked out the dress for you, noting how you wanted something elegant but nothing that would make you stick out. 

You had to admit, you loved the dress. It fit you perfectly. You were yet to show Shawn but you knew he would love it. There was just one part of you that thought that everyone would think it was too simple and know that you had no business being there. 

Shawn was doing his best to help you through the anxiety. 

“Think of the best possible situation,” he told you. 

“Nobody notices me and I stay completely under the radar or they note that I’m your friend who’s been seen with you before and leave me alone.”

“Now tell me the worst possible situation.” 

“I do something embarrassing and stick out so that everyone notices and realizes that I’m obviously not supposed to be there.” 

“See how the worst case scenario is so much more unlikely to happen?” 

“Shawn, I know it’s irrational but I can’t help it. No matter what, I’m going to have a worst case scenario.” 

“I know you are. Y/N, I do too. But think for a second,” he said. “Everyone else is too caught up in their own affairs to give a flying shit about what you’re doing. Unless you walk the red carpet with me, they probably won’t even notice you.” 

You knew Shawn was right. You knew the worst case scenario was irrational, you just couldn’t help but dwell on it; you were so scared of embarrassing yourself. You were once again planning excuses for not being able to go. I’m really sick and throwing up everywhere or There’s a family emergency. I can’t go. 

But even as you worried more and more, you knew how much you needed to do it for Shawn. He had done so much for you. You could do this one thing. 

~

“You ready?” Shawn asked with a huge grin. He had been getting more and more excited by the day. The happiness blocked the intensely anxious feelings of his soulmate to the slightest. At this point, he was almost positive you were his soulmate. Of course, anyone could be this anxious for a long period of time and it just coincidental to yours. He wanted more time to think about it though and if it was true, to tell you at a time when you were in a better mental state. 

“Not really, but I don’t think I have a choice,” you said through the door. You had to admit, you felt absolutely beautiful. Your thoughts of sticking out because of your dress were fading with every look in the mirror.  

“I’m sure you look absolutely fantastic.” 

“That’s not the problem but thank you.” You both giggled at that and you wished you could get over yourself and go out there. 

“You know I’ll be with you the whole night, right?” His tone changed to a more serious one, and it was comforting to know he cared so much. 

“I know, but still.” 

“Can I see you now? This is easier when I can see your face.” 

“Yeah,” you chuckled, opening the door slightly before taking a deep breath and stepping out. You grasped your hands behind your back and smiled shyly as Shawn stared at you in awe. 

“Wow,” he whispered. “You look absolutely stunning.” 

Heat rushed to your cheeks and you looked down to your feet. 

“Come here.” He pulled you into a hug, his head resting on your head as yours was on his chest. “You’re going to be amazing tonight, okay? So stop worrying so much and enjoy it as it comes.” 

“I’m trying.” 

“I know you are, I just wanted to remind you.” He squeezed you tighter for a second and drew back, smiling widely before completely letting go. 

You both said nothing as you got into the car to go to the show, allowing yourselves to try to relax before the long night ahead of you. 

“Good luck,” you grinned as he prepared to get out of the car for the red carpet. 

“Thanks, see you soon.” He took your hand and squeezed it, causing the butterflies in your stomach to explode. He stepped out of the car and winked at you, laughing at the finger guns you sent him before he closed the door. 

You both agreed that it was best for you not to walk the red carpet. You didn’t want to be bombarded with questions asking if you were in a relationship and Shawn didn’t want to have to deal with the drama it would cause afterwards. You decided to meet inside, which led to you awkwardly standing around and waiting for him to come in. 

After what felt like a lifetime and a half of avoiding eye contact and trying to look like you belonged, Shawn appeared at your side. 

“How’d it go?” 

“Good. Took some really hot pictures I think people will enjoy.”

“How is that possible? You can’t take hot pictures.” 

“As if I haven’t caught you ogling over pictures of me before.” 

“As if,” you scoffed and Shawn let out a loud laugh, which made you laugh as well. 

“Alright, sassy pants, let’s find our seats.” 

The show went well and you eventually realized that you got worked up more than you needed to. You didn’t have to interact with many people and you were able to sit in a seat and enjoy the show more than you thought you could. 

What you should have been worried about though, was the afterparty. 

Shawn said you didn’t have to go but you could see how much he wanted to. You also knew that if you told him you were going to go home but he should go to the party, he would opt to go with you. So, against your better judgement of what you were up for that night, you decided to go under the condition that Shawn would stay with you the whole time. 

It was a little too loud and crowded for your liking but you did your best to hide the discomfort. The faster you got out, the better, but you were going to try to enjoy the party the best you could. 

Unbeknownst to you, Shawn could definitely sense your discomfort. Something inside himself was telling him he should take you home, but everytime he suggested you leave, you insisted that you wanted him to have fun and that you would stay until he wanted to go. You knew he came with intentions of talking to other people and refused to leave until he did so. 

“But I’ll have fun with you.” 

“Shawn Mendes, if you do not socialize tonight, you will spend the rest of your life regretting it so I suggest you start mingling.” 

“I feel like that’s an overstatement, but fine.” He started walking away but turned around when he noticed you weren’t following. “Come on, wallflower, I’m not allowed to leave you by yourself.” 

You rolled your eyes but pushed yourself off the wall and made your way towards him anyways. 

He made his way around, talking to friends and a few people he didn’t know, making sure you were close at all times. You were quiet the whole time, only speaking when asked a question. Like with Alana, people tended to be more interested in the person you were with than you yourself. 

Shawn caught you picking at the inside of your elbow a few times. Part of him wanted to scold you for doing it, but he knew it was a subconscious habit and that you couldn’t do much about it unless he pointed it out. He would wrap his arm around you, gently placing his hand over the spot so you couldn’t pick at it. You would sigh once you realized you were doing it again and Shawn would squeeze your upper arm lightly, as if to say, it’s alright.

He eventually gave you a water bottle to keep your hands busy and you accepted it graciously, secretly in awe of how he knew you so well. He was about ready to go after that, drained from the long night, when someone called his name. He made his way towards them and you tried to follow but got blocked off by someone walking in between you. In a split second he was gone, and your anxiety only grew as you struggled to find him. 

You found yourself standing next to a table, texting Shawn to tell him where to find you once he was ready to go. You hoped it wouldn’t take too long, but the voice who called him sounded like Niall’s, and you knew they would want to talk for a while. 

Shawn was too busy talking to Niall to notice the growing anxiety coming from his soulmate. He didn’t even notice that you weren’t next to him. 

You tried your best to blend in, something you thought you were doing a good job of, when someone who looked very vaguely familiar tried to talk to you.  

“That dress looks quite lovely on you,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said rather quietly. There was an awkward pause for a second and you wondered if he was waiting for you to say something else. 

“Enjoying the party?” He stepped slightly forward to let someone pass behind him. 

You stepped back to keep the space, forgetting about the table and knocking into it full force. A loud clanging noise could be heard as a few platters flew off and your eyes grew wide at the realization of what you just did. 

The man in front of you laughed but his attention was quickly called elsewhere.The people around you looked behind themselves to see what was going on. The looks of confusion and giggles probably lasted no more than a few seconds, but it was enough to send you into a full panic. 

The lights were suddenly too bright and all the noises around you jumbled into a muffle. You pressed your back against a wall as you tried to gain your composure, panicking more when you couldn’t. The music was too loud for anyone to hear your rapid breathing but you wanted nothing more than for someone to come help you; for Shawn to come help you.

“Yeah we definitely need to meet up sometime soon,” Niall said to Shawn. 

“Totally. I’m-”  He was cut off by a paralyzing burst of panic. He didn’t even have to think to know it was you. The urge to protect you came over him and he quickly excused himself from Niall to find you. 

It didn’t take long to see you standing against the wall and curling in on yourself. He felt like he couldn’t get there fast enough. There was nothing he wanted more than to take the worry away from you but it felt like there were a million people in between you. 

“Breath, Y/N, breath,” he said once he finally made it to you. Your eyes locked with his and he could see the absolute panic in them. “I’m going to take your arm so we can go outside, okay?” 

You nodded frantically, allowing Shawn to guide you to outside. The cool air was a relief but did little to calm you down. Shawn gently leaned you against a wall and put one of your hands on his chest. 

“Breath with me, sweetheart,” he said, exaggerating his breathing to help you. “You’re okay. Just focus on breathing.” 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered once you calmed down and your breathing returned to a normal rate. 

“Y/N, no. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But I messed up your night and-” 

“It’s not your fault. I know exactly how you feel and I promise you, it’s not your fault.” He could see from the look in your eyes that you didn’t believe him and it broke his heart. “Come here,” he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, one around your waist, one pressing your head to his chest. 

“I know you think it’s your fault, but you did absolutely nothing wrong,” he said lowly, leaning his head down close to your ear so you could hear him. “If anything, it’s my fault for not realizing you weren’t with me.” He felt you tense up and rubbed his hand up and down your back. “You are amazing and wonderful and so strong, Y/N. We all have our low points. Nobody is blaming you for anything.” 

You didn’t say anything and Shawn took that as a sign to stop talking. He held you in his embrace for a few minutes longer, relaxing a little when he felt your arms wrap around him. 

“Let’s get you home.” 

“You should stay.” 

“Y/N.” 

You dropped it and let him call an Uber, hugging him again once he finished. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you felt yourself once again wishing he was your soulmate. 

~ 

After a long talk with Shawn the next morning, you decided to go to the doctor to get an official diagnosis. The social anxiety diagnosis also came with the recommendation of therapy. It was time to take control of your anxiety and your life.

Shawn was there for it all. Helping you through the bad days and celebrating the good ones. You were celebrating a good one today and Shawn could feel your happiness before you even walked through the door. 

“You won’t believe what I did!” You exclaimed once you were seated on the couch. “I needed this tomato sauce but I couldn’t find it anywhere in the store but I knew they had it somewhere. So instead of not getting it, I actually asked one of the people working there where it was.” 

“Good job!” The smile on his face was huge as he gave you a high-five. “Was it really that scary?” 

“Yes, but I did it, which is more important than if it’s scary.”  

He was so proud of you. It had taken a few months, but therapy was doing wonders for you. It might have been small progress, but even small progress was big progress. 

He had held off on telling you about the soulmate situation, wanting you to be in a better space before he dropped the bombshell. Now felt like a good time to do it. 

“Not to take away from you, but I have some good news myself.” 

“Tell me!” The eager look on your face made him even more nervous for some reason, but he knew he needed to do it. 

“A few months ago, I started feeling these feelings.” 

“Oh wow.” 

“Shut up,” he giggled. “They were emotions that weren’t mine. Like, they felt like someone else’s.”  

You nodded your head, having an idea of what was coming: he finally found his soulmate and it wasn’t you. 

“And at first I couldn’t figure out who they belonged to but then I met you again.” He looked up at you but your face was blank. “And then I was starting to feel feelings you were experiencing. Like you would text me about being happy and that background feeling of extra happiness would be there but I wasn’t sure if it was really you.” 

“Are you trying to test it out now?” He could see you trying to put the pieces together. 

“No, I kinda already did in a way?” You looked even more confused so he kept going. “When we went to the Grammys I could feel how anxious you were. And then we went to the party and I could feel it but it wasn’t anything that was too overwhelming. Then, I went to talk to Niall, which is when you had that panic attack, right?” 

You nodded. 

“And I was fine but then there was this really really intense second of pure panic and I just knew. Some kind of protective instinct went off in me and I just had to get to you.” 

There was a pause as he let you process what was happening. 

“Y/N, I think you’re my soulmate.” 

There was a deafening silence but Shawn was too scared to look at your face to see your reaction. 

“You really think?” 

“I know it sounds crazy but-” 

“Could we really be soulmates?” 

“. . . yes?” He finally looked at you to see a smile creeping its way along your face. 

“Holy fucking cow.” You both burst into laughter, leaning into each other as you did. 

“I’m glad it’s you,” Shawn said once your laughs turned into tiny giggles. He looked at you with a glimmer in his eyes. 

“I’m glad it’s you too.” 

[wordsandshawn]

The Platonic Series ~ Responsibility 

This is a part of the platonic series, which I started ages ago. Even though it’s a series, each part can function as a stand alone imagine so you don’t have to read them all to understand this imagine, they’re just all in the same universe where Shawn and Y/n are best friends and have been since they were young. 

Note** Ella is y/n’s 2 year old daughter who she had with an ex-boyfriend who’s no longer in their lives. Shawn has always helped Y/n out with Ella and been there for both Y/n and Ella. Y/n and Shawn have never dated, although they did kiss once ;). 

2020

“Shawn, can you watch Ella tonight?” You ask Shawn over the phone as you walk toward the other end of your college campus for your last class of the day.   

“Yeah, sure, but I’m in the studio so I don’t think I’ll be off early enough to pick her up from daycare.” Comes Shawn’s response through the phone. 

“I’ll pick her up and drop her off at the studio?” You offer as a question.

“Sounds good. I have to go.” Shawn responds and you hear a lot of background noise, so you say goodbye just as you reach the entrance to the building your class is in. 

The hour-long class drags on slowly and when it is finally over, you drive over to Ella’s daycare to pick her up and drop her off at the studio. As soon as you take her out of her car seat, she starts walking straight for the door. You grab her backpack and catch up with her in two big strides since her tiny legs don’t carry her very far or fast. With Shawn recording his next album, Ella’s been spending almost as much time in the studio with him as she has been at home with you. Even though she’s only two, she already knows her way around. 

When you reach the recording room, you greet Teddy and Ryan and see Shawn in the booth. Ella walks right up onto Teddy and motions that she wants to be picked up. Teddy lets Ella sit in her lap and shows her the screen with all the levels on it.. There are a few other people around, so you say hello to them even though you don’t know them well, and you apologize for interrupting. 

You place Ella’s backpack down in the corner where a bunch of her toys already are, and you take a seat on the couch while you wait for Shawn so you can talk to him before leaving. Ella is still mesmerized by the bars and colors moving on the screen a few minutes later when Shawn emerges from the booth. Ella’s face lights up when she sees him, just like it always does, and she wiggles out of Teddy’s lap and runs to Shawn who scoops her up in his arms. 

“Thanks for watching her,” You tell Shawn, “I’ll pick her up tonight.” 

“Did you get called into work?” He questions, shifting Ella in his arms into a more comfortable position. 

You shake your head. “I’m going out,” You pause and then add, “With someone.” 

Shawn’s eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t comment, and you thank him again for watching Ella before saying goodbye to everyone and leaving the studio quickly. It’s already nearly five pm and you still have to get ready because Kyle is picking you up from your apartment soon to take you to dinner. 

Ever since Ella was born, you’ve kind of put off dating completely. You could come up with a million different excuses as to why it wasn’t a good time to date. However, a few weeks ago, you started talking to Kyle, who attends your university, and he manages to make you feel like a college student again. In the two years since Ella was born, you’ve rarely felt like anything or anyone except Ella’s mom. But when you’re with him, you find yourself pretending to be just another college student talking about exams and papers like those are your biggest stressors, and it feels good. 

After going to dinner, Kyle suggests going to back to his apartment for a bit since his roommates and some friends are hanging out. You’ve already met his roommates and thought it sounded fun to hang out with some new people too, so you agreed. When you arrive, there are more people than you expected and a lot of them are drinking. You never really went through a full party stage and were never a big drinker, but you figured one night couldn’t hurt, so you threw caution to the wind, allowing yourself to feel like a regular college student for once. 

It’s eleven pm and you’re considerably inebriated when you remember that you told Shawn you were going to pick up Ella tonight. You realize it’s late enough that Shawn has probably already put her to bed and there’s no point in waking her. You’ll get her in the morning. Ella stays with Shawn at least once a week, so you know Shawn won’t mind. Even though the logical part of yourself knows you should at least text Shawn to let him know you won’t be picking her up tonight and to check in, the thought leaves as quickly as it comes when you realize you’re not sure where your phone is and Kyle is pulling you into another game of beer pong. 

When you wake up at six am with a pounding headache, everyone else is still asleep, and you realize you can’t find your phone. You don’t remember the last time you had it last night. It takes fifteen minutes before you finally find your phone to see that you have ten missed calls and sixteen messages all from Shawn, which is definitely unusual. 

Your breath catches in your throat and you immediately open the messages. Skimming all of them, you realize that Ella had gotten sick the night before and Shawn wanted to know where you were and what he should do. 

Kyle had picked you up for your date last night, so your car is back at your apartment. You consider waking Kyle, but you know that having to explain to him why you need to go to Shawn’s right away is not something you want to do at this hour since he doesn’t even know you have a daughter, and he would be less than thrilled to be woken up at 6am. 

You take an uber to Shawn’s, texting him on your way there. You also read carefully through every message Shawn sent you last night. A few of them asked you when you were coming to get her. A few informed you that Ella was running a fever and had been asking for you. Each text you read breaks your heart even more knowing that your little girl needed you last night and you were too busy getting drunk to realize it. 

He doesn’t reply to your text, so you use your key to let yourself in since you don’t want to wake them if they’re still asleep. The whole place is quiet, so you assume they’re still sleeping, but you make your way toward the bedroom Ella usually sleeps in when she’s at Shawns. The crib in the corner is empty. The next place you think to look is Shawn’s room. His bedroom door is open, and you see Ella curled against Shawn’s side, both of them sleeping peacefully. 

You feel flooded with guilt seeing her there and knowing she was sick and probably had a rough night, and you need to check on her, to be sure for yourself that she’s okay. Making your way to the bed, you reach out and gently touch her forehead to check if she has a fever. She feels warm, but not hot enough to signify a fever. She stirs a bit at the contact and Shawn wakes up immediately looking at Ella, making sure she’s okay. When he sees you, his eyes fall closed again, and you stare at them both for a few seconds until Shawn opens his eyes again. He carefully scoots away from Ella, placing a pillow where his body used to be before leaving the bedroom and motioning for you to follow him to the living room.

“Where the hell were you last night?” Shawn questions, his voice a whisper, but clearly he’s upset. 

“I went to Kyle’s place after dinner and I lost track of time.” You try to explain. Even as the words leave your lips, you know how insufficient an excuse it is. There is no excuse that would be good enough to justify the fact that your daughter was sick and needed you and you weren’t there for her. 

“Did you lose your phone too? I texted you like 20 times.” Shawn responds. 

"I’m sorry. I didn’t think to check my phone, and I didn’t know she was sick.” 

Shawn just shakes his head at you, and you know he’s upset. “Shawn, I said I’m sorry, and she doesn’t have a fever now.” You respond, not wanting him to be mad at you too. You already feel guilty enough without feeling like you disappointed Shawn and let Ella down. 

“That’s because she had Tylenol at four am,” Shawn responds. "I know she was fine. I’m not mad at you for leaving her with me, although you could have at least texted me that you weren’t coming for her last night. I just can’t believe you would be so irresponsible. Who is this guy anyway? He has you ditching your kid and disappearing.” 

“Don’t talk to me about responsibility. All I’ve done for the past two years is put Ella first. Everything I’ve done has been for her. I wanted one night to be a twenty-two year old. That doesn’t make me a bad parent.” 

“I never said you were a bad parent. I just asked who this guy is that’s making you forget you have a daughter.” Shawn shoots back immediately. 

“I didn’t forget about her!” You respond, feeling a surge of anger toward Shawn. In the back of your mind, you know he’s not the enemy, but it sure feels like he’s picking a fight right now. 

“Stop yelling. You’re going to wake her.” Shawn responds, intentionally dropping his voice even lower. 

“Sorry,” You whisper. “He’s just a guy. We have a class together. We started talking about three weeks ago.” 

“I know that much,” Shawn responds as though that information was obvious. 

“How do you know?” You question, your eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

“Because that’s around the time you started leaving Ella with me when you didn’t have work.” 

He’s not wrong, so you don’t say anything, “You never told him about Ella.” Shawn says, as a statement, not a question, and he’s right. 

“It never came up.” You respond, but you leave out the part where you didn’t tell him on purpose. You didn’t tell him because you wanted to be seen as a regular college student. You feared that if he knew you had a two-year old daughter, he’d think you had too much baggage or would be afraid of the responsibility. It felt like you could be a different person with Kyle since he didn’t know, and you worried that would all change if he found out. 

Before Shawn responds, you hear Ella’s voice call out, “Mama!” You turn to see her walking toward you with her arms up. You meet her halfway and scoop her up into your arms. She rests her head on your shoulder and squeezes you in a hug. 

“Hi baby, how do you feel?” You ask, and she doesn’t really respond. You feel her forehead again, and she’s still warm, but you don’t think she has a fever. This conversation or argument with Shawn is going to have to wait. You sit on the couch holding Ella in your arms. She’s still sleepy, so she rests in your arms without moving. 

Your eyes fall closed and you feel relieved for at least a few moments of peace since yours and Shawn’s argument was interrupted and he had left the living room. A few minutes later, you hear the sound of footsteps signaling he’s back. When you open your eyes, you see Shawn with a glass of water in his hand. He holds it out for you, which you take gratefully, and he also hands you two pills. When you look up at him questioningly, he just nods knowingly and you realize he knows you’re hungover even though you never mentioned it to him. 

“She can have another dose of Tylenol in an hour. It’s on the kitchen counter. I’m going back to sleep.” He says all in one breath before turning and walking away without waiting for a response, and you make a mental note to thank him later. You owe Shawn more than just a thank you, truthfully. 

Ella is still cuddling up against you without moving, so you rub her back gently, the conversation between you and Shawn weighing heavily on your mind. Shawn had to grow up quickly because of his career and you had to grow up quickly because of Ella, so it was easy for you two to get along, especially after you had Ella. Since you were suddenly learning how to manage the responsibility of being a mom while supporting both yourself and your daughter with no help from her dad or your parents. Shawn was the one person who never wavered in his support for you, and he loved Ella from the very first moment he met her.

Ella falls asleep again in your arms and you have no doubt that she didn’t sleep much the night before. The silence coming from Shawn’s room lets you know that he’s probably fast asleep because he didn’t get much sleep either. You remain on Shawn’s couch somewhere between awake and asleep with Ella in your arms until she starts stirring about an hour later. You check the time and realize that Shawn said she was supposed to take more medicine at this time. You realize Ella’s awake, so you stand up with her in your arms and make your way to the kitchen where the medicine is on the counter right where Shawn said it would be. 

You sit Ella in her high chair and pour some cheerios on the tray. It keeps her occupied while you pull the pancake mix out of the cabinet. Fifteen minutes later, Ella is munching on a pancake and you’re cooking the last of the batter when Shawn reemerges from his bedroom, looking every bit as sleepy and grumpy as he did earlier. 

You place three pancakes on a plate and grab some strawberries from the fridge. You hand the plate and a bottle of maple syrup to Shawn, saying, “I’m sorry for yelling at you.” 

He takes his plate to the table and sits down, reaching out to pull Ella’s high chair closer to the table before finally looking up at you and saying, “I’m sorry for calling you irresponsible.” And just like that, things are back to normal. You still feel guilty for not being there when Ella needed you, but at least you know Shawn isn’t upset anymore. It’s hard for him to stay angry when you make him pancakes, a peace offering that has worked for you several times in the past. 

You’re plating your own pancakes when your phone buzzes on the counter, catching your attention. You glance at the screen to see a message from Kyle, Hey where’d you go?

You place some straberries on your plate, putting a little extra so you can share with Ella when she’s done with her pancakes, and then pick up your phone, pondering your reply, but you put it back down without typing a response. 

Taking your plate, you sit down next to Shawn, sharing your strawberries with Ella as you dive into your pancakes. “So this guy, is it serious?” Shawn’s voice cuts through the silence, but by the hesitancy in his tone, you know that he’s not trying to fight this time, unlike an hour ago when he brought up Kyle. 

“I only started talking to him a few weeks ago.” You respond, shrugging. 

“I don’t mind watching Ella,” He says softly. “I know that’s not what it sounded like earlier, but I didn’t mean it like that. She was sick and upset and didn’t want to eat anything and she was so warm and I couldn’t reach you. But it turned out okay, and you know I like having her here.” 

“Thank you, and I am really sorry about last night. I should’ve checked in.” 

He nods, a silent way of accepting your apology, and you realize you didn’t give Ella her medicine since you wanted her to eat something first. You grab the medicine from the counter and take the syringe from the dishrack. You measure the proper amount, and turn around to see that Shawn has taken Ella out of the seat, and he asks, “Do you want me to hold her or give her the meds?” He asks, and you hand him the syringe, silently answering his question. You take Ella from his arms and sit down. 

He kneels in front of you, and he starts speaking softly to Ella, telling her all about the medicine and how it's supposed to make her feel better. Magically, he gets her to open her mouth and take the medicine without any fight, something Ella never does for you. 

Your phone vibrates on the counter again, probably another message from Kyle, but this time you ignore it, placing Ella back in her high chair and giving her some strawberries. 

[madllamamomma]

Journey Back to the South Part 9~

[Kinda SWF, no real smut. Sorry guys. But it’s coming!]

The Illuminator~

With your feet dangling off the ground, Muriel’s lips are pressed against yours in front of the entire tribe to see.

He never. Ever. Kisses you in front of people. He may have done it once or twice, a little quick shy peck on the cheek or forehead—But nothing like this. This is an intense loving kiss that leaves you breathless and can’t resist kissing him back. It takes you completely off guard. The crowd around you both is going completely wild with cheers, wild trills, and vocables. Yet, he doesn’t seem to even be fazed by it. What the fuck is going on?! As soon as you both part for air, your faces are completely red and hot.

The corners of your mouth twitch up onto a startled smile. “Wh…. what was that for—”

Muriel for some reason looks so strangely happy, not seeming to realize what he had done. “I… Don’t….. You’re just…. You—Y— You’re a phoenix.”

You flutter your eyes unsure what to do or say. “Yeah… a-apparently so. What does that have to do with anything?”

His eyes are sparkling and he shakes his head disbelief. “You’re…. a phoenix!!”

“...I’m a phoenix!” You repeat completely confused of what is going on at the moment. Why is this such a big deal to him? Is there something I’m missing here??

“You…I- we—……The meadow…. and… the phoenix—”  As poor Muriel flounders for words, it dawns on him what he had just done in front of all the Kokhuri to see, but still holds you in his arms and his body heats up even more. “—Shit—Sorry— I shouldn’t have!!”

“W—wha-...What?! Why are you sorry?!”

“I-I don’t know!!.... I just—For some reason I couldn’t stop myself…. I… moved before I could think…” He says sounding nearly panicked as he sets you back down to your feet. But still there is a new gleam in his eyes. Like he realized something amazing that he hadn’t before. You both jump a little as Una places her hands on the both of you, tears streaming down, and Muriel starts to look very concerned. “Una?.... What’s wrong? Why are you upset?” Muriel peers all around, then notices the other elders are tearing up too, even Ronin and Tad. “W-why is everyone upset?? Did I do something wrong?!”

She sniffles a little and pats his arm comfortingly. “No, no! Don’t worry. These are good tears, my boy!” She tries to blot the tears away with her sleeve, but they just keep streaming down making lines in the bright paint. Yet, she continues to smile from ear to ear. “Oh, little cub…. Your mother, Glenna… Her cast did the same thing all those years ago when we were young… Remember the first day you came here?? Berty and I told you the story of how your parents met?” She turns around pointing to the now very vibrant night sky, then glances back up at him. “... Glenna’s cast waited for Artturi, just like your cast waited for Rhemi’s!!” Una tries to stifle a sniffle as much as she can and the paint on her face starts to slightly run more. “... She wouldn’t go up without him! The great lights haven’t lit up like this since they—” Una cut herself off, and shakes her head, but still smiles. Muriel still looks very wary as she continues to sob happily and she tries to reassure him. “—Ahh!! Don’t mind this blubbering old woman, little cub! I’m sorry… I… I just never thought I’d see that sight again. None of us did!”

Muriel‘s eyes glance back up to the Aurora as it dances across the night sky, shaking his head, still very lost in all of this. “What does…. this... all mean?”

Una chuckles a bit and turns her attention toward you, shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. “I’m not really sure!” Gently, she holds your now, cool face in her warm hands and squishes it a little. “...But, the two of you no doubt have a special bond. A very strong bond!! It took years for mine and Berty’s cast to know one another!!”

“... How come… ours do know each other??” You ask, voice muffled by her hands as she continues to squish your face.

“... Maybe it’s because you see each other in your dreams, like how Artturi visited Glenna in her’s…. Perhaps that’s why you both know one another in your truest form—Casts can’t lie about who they truly are.” Your face is then buried in thick fur as she embraces you tightly in her arms and starts to lightly pet your hair. You can feel her heart beating rather rapidly in her chest.

Gilbert lets out a loud hearty laugh that rattles the hillside. “Whatever it is, you both have something special!” Suddenly he wraps his arms around Muriel, squeezing him in a tight bear hug, even slightly lifting him off his feet. The sudden embrace startles him for a moment, but then he somewhat relaxes. Perhaps getting used to all this affection, but his face beaming red, and still looks uncomfortable. As Gilbert lets go of Muriel, he braces his shoulders with both hands, his eyes welling with tears. “You have no idea how proud your parents would be, little cub. You are made up of the best parts of them.” He mutters to him with such bittersweet pride in his voice. “... They would have loved to have seen this. See you grow up to be such a great son.” Muriel's face looks so confused and unsure how to react to all of this, but looks a bit emotional as Gilbert says that.

Gilbert then let’s go of Muriel and immediately starts to slam his hands on his chest, sharply breathing in his mouth. He soon starts a beat and everyone quickly falls into Amrán De Mo Chroí, ‘The song of our hearts’ chant like the first day of the gathering. But this time it is not as melancholic like it was the first day. Rather the cadence is faster, and everyone's tone sounds more happy, but still very driving, energetic, and full of emotion as they chant it.

Still unsure what to do you wrap your arms around Muriel’s and he tries to hide a tear from falling. Everyone seems to be so lost in the chant, but you soon realize, not everyone is chanting. Shona’s eyes are red, watery, and filled with anger and she shooting you a sharp hateful glare. With her lips tightly pressed together, she backs away from the crowd before vanishing from your sight.

Before you know it a few people grab you by the arms and tug you toward the camp and get separated from Muriel. They are all singing a very merry tune. Somehow you find yourself by the fire, and getting roped into dance around it. Ava and Keavy are close by, but not Muriel. Keavy is quick to tug you close to dance with you, but you stop, trying to yell over the crowd, “Wait!!! I don’t know this dance!”

Keavy laughs and pulls you close by her left side so you can hear her without screaming. “Don’t worry! It’s easy! Here, watch me!” She slowly demonstrates first with her hands, then with her feet. The dance seemed a lot more complicated at first, but it actually isn’t all that bad and you find your rhythm with the beat of the music. “See!! You're a natural, Rhemi!” You feel your arm get tugged in the opposite direction and Keavy wiggles her fingers—“JUST HAVE FUN~!!!”

Twirling around, you end up with a skinnier Kokhurian arms—it’s Tad, and he has a huge toothy smile on his face. “Oi! Where is your betrothed, Rhemi?” He asks loudly as he spins you around and suddenly Ronin grabs your wrist and starts to dance with you too.

“I don't know!!! I lost him after the hillside—!” Ronin and Tad both exchange smiles, both apparently having the same idea. Ronin then lifts you up for a brief moment in a smooth dancing move giving you the perfect opportunity to find him. And there he is, on the side lines appearing to be looking for you as well. “Ooo! OOO!!! There he is!!” You wave at him giddily and he finally catches your eyes and grins looking a bit relieved.

As you return to your feet pat Ronin on the arm. “Thanks guys!!!” The couple wave you off and start to dance with one another and you work your way through the energetic crowd towards your shy hermit. You see that Shawn tries to get Muriel to join the dancing, but it's no use. He’s not budging. Soon, Shawn’s arm is linked with a pretty, young girl around his age, inviting him to dance with her. He blushed from chest to ears and he has an adorable large silly smile, unable to resist her. 

Ava jumps out of the crowd to the side where Muriel is standing and shakes their head. Disappointedly watching as their brother gives up so quickly on their cousin because of a girl. Ava then waves Muriel in, with both hands. But he just shakes his head with a small sneer. They however are not taking ‘no’ for an answer. Looking rather determined, they tilt their head side-to-side seeming to be squaring up as they roll up their sleeves. Before Muriel realizes what is happen Ava dashes forwards, wrapping their arms around his waist, taking him completely by surprise. Using the same moves they used during the games, Ava somehow wrangles him into the dancing crowd around the large fire. He stumbles backwards and is caught quickly by Una and he recovers himself. He then attempts to pull himself out, but is unsuccessful as Gilbert and Ronin throw him back in. “O chan eil, Muriel! Get back in ‘ere!!!!”

Before he tries to escape once again, you take his wrist and inlace your fingers with his. He relaxes once he feels your familiar small hand in his and glances down to you, a deep blush taking over his cheeks and ears. “You know I don’t know how to dance!” He grumbles, but it’s loud enough for you to hear and you smile wide to reassure him.

A giggle emanates from your lungs and you shout over the loud sounds. “This isn’t the same though! Look around you, no one cares!!” Quickly, he scans the scene all around; Eventually he realizes that this isn’t dancing like back at home. This isn’t ballroom dancing at the palace, or waltzing at the Rowdy Raven. This is wild and almost primitive dancing, trilling, making various vocables and singing—just pure joyous celebration. Some are just jumping or running in circles around the fire while others are actually dancing—Some are even dancing it badly themselves, but are unperturbed. “See? No one is paying attention at all! Here, watch me!” You pull him towards you and he offers you no resistance as you show him the easy steps by his side just like Keavy did for you. He’s stiff, but he seems to pick up the steps easily enough and you both start to dance together. He gradually gets more relaxed and even seems to (almost) enjoy himself, even though he is trying to hide it. The music continues and it drives everyone into keep going, the high energy is very infectious.

After about twenty minutes or so, Muriel and you are able to pull yourselves out of the dancing during the transition of another song starts to play. Your hand tightly held with his as you both take a seat down on the sideline nearly breathless. Amazed that the rest of the crowd is still going. But you do notice that you can’t find Shona anywhere. Last time you saw her, she looked really upset at you, then she just…. vanished. And it makes you wonder where she went. You feel your heart drop a little. Jeez. I hope I didn’t ruin the celebration for them…

You look over to your right and notice Ida and Inanna curled up together fast asleep, the two have no right to look that completely and utterly adorable snuggled up like that. It’s probably around three or four o’clock in the morning, the poor thing is way past her bedtime. As you continue to look at cozy the two of them look, you honestly wouldn’t mind curling up and sleeping right now either, and by the look of Muriel’s eyes he wouldn’t either. Casting your aura was really surprisingly difficult and exhausting. Perhaps not or Muriel, but most definitely for you. Una mentioned that you might have given up too much. Drained magic always gets you sleepy. Then you got roped into dancing for however long, plus the time you had to find Muriel, then you both danced for awhile. Now you already tired limbs feel like limp noodles. But the other Kokhurians have no signs of stopping. Muriel looks like he could keep going if he really wanted to, but there is no way he is going to go back in there without you. You lean over and take advantage of Muriel’s presence and rest your head on his arm, and instantly feel more comfortable and warm. “Is this all that you expected when you got invited to stay almost two weeks ago?” You utter to him, feeling your vocal cords scratch in your throat from all the yelling.  

He snorts and leans into you as well. “No. Not at all. It was… it was…” He pauses, thinking hard on what he is trying to say but shakes his head and gives up. “...It was different than I thought.”

“... Are you happy we came?” You ask stifling a yawn, your eyelids feeling heavy.

“... Yes. I am… Thanks, Rem.”

You can’t help but sputter a little. “For what?”

“.... I… I’m glad…. that you convinced us to come down here. This-... This is honestly one of the best times I’ve had in a long—” You feel his head turn and look towards your face, you try your hardest to keep your eyes open, but they are starting to fall. You’re still listening though.

He drapes his hand tenderly over your shoulder and very gently shakes you until you open your eyes. “Hmmmm?…. Sorry! I-I’m—I’m awake! Just resting my eyes.”

Muriel barks a short laugh and stands to his feet, then offers his hand to help you up. “Com’on.... You’re tried. And I am too.” You want to argue with him, tell him that you can stay up. But you can’t deny how exhausted you are. Even though you both rested this afternoon, you're tempted to join Ida and curl up to Inanna’s soft fur and go to sleep. Reluctantly you take his hand and let him help you to your feet. “Lets get some sleep.” Muriel glance over to Inanna, but she doesn’t budge from her spot, and stays curled around Ida, keeping her warm and comfortable as if she was her own pup. He shrugs, she can take care of herself. 

As soon as you get to the tent, you tear off your cloak and corset belt, plop your ass down on the bedding, kick off your shoes, grab the blankets, and furs and lazily wrap yourself in them like a cocoon. All the while, Muriel stokes the fire to keep the tent warm. Once he finally gets to the bedding and after he takes off his belts, cloak, and shoes, you wrap your arms around him and pull him down and cuddle him tight before he can take off his shirt startling him a little. “-Rem, you didn’t even take off your skirt.” He mumbles, slight amusement in his voice. You silently shrug, too tired to speak any words other than just grumbles and groans. Then you become very quiet and still. “... You already asleep?” He whispers. You hear him, but you can’t seem to answer him; you’re just too tired. As you nearly drift off, you can feel  him give you a feather light kiss on your forehead, then he presses his cheek gently to your temple. He very quietly whispers. “.... I can’t wait to be your husband.”

“Wh—? Huh?!” Your eyes fly open, not believing your ears, and you pull yourself out of his embrace to groggily look at his face. “... Did…. did you just say the ‘H’ word, Mur?!”

A large shiver runs down his spine and he tucks you closer to his chest attempting to hide his embarrassed expression and his crimson red face and chest, you can even hear his heart beat thud faster in his chest. “... N-NO!... I… I didn’t say anything… must have been dreaming.” He lies. 

“Pfft!! You big adorable fibber!” You rub your left eye, then run your fingers through his hair making him melt into the bedding. A soft giggle escapes behind your teeth and you pepper his neck with sloppy kisses. “Say it again…. I wanna hear it….” You mutter, half asleep, mumbling in his neck.

Heat immediately radiates off of his chest at that request. “W-what-?... A-Aren’t you supposed to be exhausted??” He is right, you are very tired… You decide to cuddle up and drop it… for now. But your heart is leaping inside your chest—He finally said it, there is no taking it back. It makes being engaged feel that more real. You’re going to be with him for the rest of your life. It feels wonderful to know that. Even if you two didn’t get married, just being with him the rest of your life is all you really wanted. 

A large yawn fills your lungs and you try to fight the urge to drift off. “Fine…. but… you better get…. used to…. to those…. *yawn*... words…” Nuzzling your face into his warm chest you start to feel sleep taking over once again, and there isn’t overcoming it this time. “.... Love you, Mur. I… I can’t w-wait to… to be you—…. your…… wi.....fe….”

Finally sleep incapacitates you and you drift into the realm of dreams. Fiery wings and all, feeling free and happy. Soon Mister Bear is there to join you once again and you both run around the large empty tundra. 

This is my favorite dream….

—-—-—-

The morning call of the rouge rooster wakes you from your happy dream and you find yourself laying on your back and Muriel’s face is buried in your chest, slightly snoring. You don’t mind him there, finding him in this position is actually quite cute. But as soon as you fidget just the slightest, he wakes up, shuddering when he realizes his position and rolls over onto his side looking apologetic. “.... S-Sorry, was I heavy?” He mumbles groggily.

You smile at him almost longingly, fingers lightly brushing up against the grain of his stubble on his cheek, strangely enjoying that sandpaper feeling. “No, you were fine…” You fiddle with a small lock of his now messy hair, loving the feeling of it and studying the dark color. You love his hair. “I love you Muri.”

“I love you too.” He whispers back very sincerely and he leans into your touch.

He holds the small of your back as he moves to his spine and you lay on his chest. “So….. What… ah…. What happened last night?” You finally ask. 

He slightly stretches out his toes and rubs his tired face with is free hand. “What do you mean? What part?”

“Well…. For starters… You kissed me in front of everyone” Muriel suddenly becomes very flushed, he seemed to have all but forgot that. “—N-not that I mind that! I actually really enjoyed it. It was just a shock. A good shock!... But I know you were about ten different shades of red after it. Like you didn’t mean to.”

He averts his eyes and turns his head away from you looking at the opposite side of the tent and flounders for words. “.... I… I don’t know… I just… you—the….the casts and the lights…. it was just…” he sighs very heavily, frustration thick in his tone.

“I didn’t say it was bad!!! The others didn’t mind at all! They even cheered for you!.... All I am trying to say was that… It’s just not like you. Do you not know why you did either?” He shrugs and stays quiet, seeming to not know what to say. You haven't seen him this uncomfortable alone with you in such a long time now, it’s almost alarming. You decide to take pity on him and you hold his hand. “You don’t have to answer, Mur.” 

Muriel taps the top of your hand. You move off of his chest and Muriel sits himself up, peering over to the dying fire. Finally by the time you think he’s going to ignore the question, he breaks the silence. “I… just remembered my nightmare before we came down here…. That’s the first time I thought I remembered seeing the phoenix… She-… well.. you helped me… It made all the bad things so away.....” You heart leap inside your chest a bit. You always wondered what he meant that you were in his dream. Still its is confusing how you even got there. “.... But then you mentioned the meadow and then I remembered that too…” He pauses, pondering a bit more, pushing back his messy hair out his face. “... guess I’ve been leaping longer than I thought.” Letting his hair down the rest of the way, he shakes it out a little so he can fix it later before he continues. “—Anyways— I just should have known it was you…. I mean… I had suspensions… But I wasn’t sure….. I guess in the back of my mind I always knew, but… once I saw you burst into flames last night—”

Burst into… Flames?! What the hell?! Shooting your upper body up from the bedding, you make him jump from your sudden movement. “Wait—I did what now?!”

“....Y- Your magic—when you were summoning your aura last night, it looked like fire. It even had heat to it—You lit up most of the hillside!” In complete disbelief, you flutter your eyes, not sure what to think of all this as you continue to listen to him. “...That’s why we all were so shocked…. I.. I kinda got worried at first—afraid of you being in pain. But Una stopped me... made me realize that you were fine….. I… I even saw you do that in your dream once.... You know.... the one with Ezavior.”

You stare at him, mouth opened, completely lost for words. You had no idea that had happened. You did feel the warmth, but you didn’t think your magic would manifest physically like it did. “That’s….ah…. that is… A little… umm…. strange.” You mutter scratching the back of your head, trying to envision the sight. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

He gives you a small smile. “It’s fine. You weren’t in pain, that's all I cared about.”

“It’s kinda weird… but it's also... kinda…. Awesome!!” Randomly you start to rant, and Muriel just listens to your silliness. “— I can burst into freakin’ flames?! FIRE?! How awesome is that?! I didn’t know I could do that!!! I had never even seen a phoenix before last night! I guess I still haven't seen a real one technically.... But it was really cool to see!!” You finally stop you rants and your eyes light up and mischievously glance over to Muriel and his nostrils flare, getting prepared. He knows…

“...Don’t… you…dare...” He grumbles, brow furrowed. “Too early for this--.”

You smile idiotically, unable to resist.  “...Or should I say…. Hot~ —OOOOFF!!!” Right as you utter that word, he very gently smack his pillow at your face, muffling your giggles.

His face twisted like he smelled something horrible and he sighs painfully. A large reluctant grin sprouts across his lips and you burst into full laughter at his disgust. You’ve made some bad puns before. But that one was up there. “.... Why?! Gah—That one …. actually hurt—Physically hurt me!! That was so bad.” He mutters and shakes his head slowly.

“Where??” You manage to ask through your giggles.

He move his entire body so he can show you and points to his chest with his pointer and middle finger chuckling at his words. “Here—Right here. Goddamn it, that was so awful!!... Holyshitwoman.”

You can’t help but laugh harder at him as he shakes his head at you a little more, but he is still smiling widely. “I’m sorry, Love.”

“Pfft! Whatever! No you’re not.” He snorts with his eyebrow raised.

Still laughing at yourself, you shake your head sharply, still sporting a ridiculous smile. “Yeah—No… I’m not.” You stretch your arms out a little and continue to giggle softly to yourself. “Remember you asked this to marry you!” Gesturing vaguely to all of your body you shimmy your arms slight. “...You're gonna have to deal with this shit for a while! You sure you wanna sign up for this the rest of your life?”

Muriel blushes a bit, but has a cute grin on his face as he leans into you, his gaze very warm. “... Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” He says under his breath his pointer finger and thumb slightly tilting back your chin. A large aroused shiver runs up your spine, making your breath shaky as he closes the gap. His chapped morning lips tenderly pressed against yours, and you kiss him back. Loving his touch, his taste, his gentleness, his everything. This is the man you are going to marry. How did I manage this? Not only does he love me….. I’m not afraid to be myself. He makes me feel so safe. He makes me feel brave. Strong… like I could do anything. I want to be by his side forever. I want to be there for him.

Somehow you find yourself straddled on top of him, lips smacking passionately. It’s unclear how exactly you got there, but really, you do not care. Both of you start to feel hot and heavy, hips starting to move and grind erotically. And you start to pull up his shirt, thirsting to taste, feeling hunger in your eyes. As you work your kisses down his abdomen, making him slightly moan and hiss, you start to undo his pants. But out of nowhere he becomes stiff and grabs your wrist gently to stop you. “—Wait!!! Rhemi! IT’S THE SOLSTICE TODAY!!”

“Huh?....” Your eyes meet with his, the urgency behind his gaze makes you realize—FUCK! Today is the third day!!!! You inhale sharply gasping, “AVA!!!! SHIT FUCK!!!! WHAT TIME IS IT?! We—We still have to talk to Gilbert!!! OH, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!” Both of you hastily scramble to get dressed. Ava is probably waiting around outside this very moment to practice a few more times before tonight. After donning your boots, you glance up at Muriel and notice a small hickey on his neck, before he covers it up with his green scarf. You smack your forehead with your left palm and groan. “Fuck…. I did it again…. I’m so sorry, Muri. I’m now the frigid queen of blue balling.”

Muriel turns to you as he clasps. “I’ll live. I know this is important to Ava and to you! You two have been working very hard for more than a week.” You stick out your bottom lip a little feeling very guilty still. “.... Don’t look like that.” He snorts in amusement at you.

Your face flushes all of a sudden. “Look like what?”

“Like this.” He sticks out his bottom lip imitating what must be your expression… and he does it a little too well.

Your brow furrows and your mouth gapes open feeling a bit impressed and called out. “I-I do not look like that!”

He stifles a short bark with his hand, nodding his head. “Yes. You do! Just like a kid who dropped their candy.” You start to stick out your bottom lip a bit more out of instinct and his shoulders shake, holding in his laughter.

“I am offended by this accusation, sir! I am an adult!! And I do not pout like that!” You fold your arms tightly trying to hide a smile.

“What??” He snickers a bit at your reaction and shrugs. “...It’s cute. I think it is anyway.”

Not knowing what to say in retaliation, you mutter, “Shut up...”, and stick out your tongue making his shoulder shake from holding in his laughter.

“Oh, yeah. You're an adult alright” His hand brushes against your cheek and he leans down kissing your forehead. “I’m going to see if anyone needs some help today. When I come back I’ll bring you back something to eat.”

Unable to resist, you wriggle your brow, quickly wink, and seductively bite your bottom lip. “Ooh, are you now, Muri~?”

Muriel sputters as crimson red paints his face and ears. “Dammit!! NOT LIKE THAT!!!” He half shouts, throwing his cloak over his shoulders. “... Terrible!! Just…. terrible!!” He grumbles under his breath, but you swear you can hear a slight snorty chuckle.

You tilt your head and glance at his groin. “I mean….. I have been rather hungry for some—”

“—R-RHEMI!!”

“What?? I was going to say ‘fish’.” You grin, batting your eyelashes, fakely looking innocent, stifling your snickers. “... Where was your mind at, Muriel?”

“Yeah…. sure you were…” He snorts through his nose and rolls his eyes, attempting to hide a flattered grin behind the fur of his cloak.

As you fasten you corset belt you quickly ask,“Are you trying to say… you wouldn’t like that?”

He stiffens, staring hard at the ground, scratching his neck, grumpily murmuring, “....Didn’tsaythat….” Slightly smirking at the thought, then shakes his head from lewd thoughts, his cheeks flushed once again. “—Fish! I am going and getting us some fish! Y-You— Go find Ava!” Adorably, he storms out the tent, and you giggle to yourself. Oh boy, I fuckin’ love that shy man~

After you finally get yourself presentable, you dash out of the tent and start to look around camp for Ava. Shockingly, they aren’t waiting outside. Judging by the sun, it’s about to be noon and the sun will be going down in only five or so hours. Gilbert starts the tales around nine o’clock. Time is of the essence!

You make your way around, you search high and low. You don’t have their pencil anymore, nor anything else that is theirs so you can’t conjure a searching spell to find them like you did before. Some more time goes by and you’ve looked almost everywhere for them; near the tombstones, on the hillside where the forget-me-nots are next to camp, you even search near their tent. Not many people are awake right now, you could only guess that they are all still resting from staying up so late last night. But you do see Ida and Keavy walking around, then notice Una rocking her little baby asleep in her arms outside of her tent while some of her younger kids are weaving baskets. To make sure that you don’t stir anyone up, you start to whisper Ava’s name, hoping that they would come out. But it’s no use. You even politely ask around to the people who are awake. Yet no one has seen them since early this morning during their patrol.

Feeling at a loss, you decide to take a break for a moment and sit near the giant fire in the middle of camp. Not very long after, you notice Muriel walking towards you with four large fish tied to some string. He looks around you with slight confusion on his face. “Where’s Ava?” He asks as he starts to cook three of the four fish in the large fire, and tosses Inanna the other. “I caught them something to eat too.”

You huff, stick out your bottom lip feeling a bit defeated. “Still can’t find them…” A small shiver runs down your spine and tuck your knees into your chest.

“Hmm…”

Both of you sit there for a moment while the fish cook. A large growl rubbles loudly from your stomach as you eye the large cooking trout. Muriel eyes fall onto you, and your face blanches a bit. He chuckles softly, takes one of the trout that’s ready and hands it to you. “... You should eat… don’t need you passing out today.”

“Yeah, I’m not that delicate, dear!” You scowl at him slightly. But hastily you grab the fish by the stick instantly making your mouth water. “....Buuuut you've got a good point.”

You take a large bite without a second thought and Muriel shudders.“—Hey, careful! Don’t burn—” You shrug, and his words die in his throat. It’s warm, but not that bad, it doesn’t burn your mouth either so you continue to eat. “I… I just took that off the fire…” He mutters to himself, shaking his head a little, inspecting the fish in your hand. “Is it not cooked?”

You shake your head and wipe your mouth with your sleeve. “Tastes done to me.” But it is weird that it’s already cool enough to eat.

Unconvinced, he pokes at the unchard part of it with his finger, testing the temperature. Immediately he pulls away, hissing and shaking his hand, sticking his finger briefly in his mouth to cool it. “It’s still hot!!.... Rem, H-How are you doing that?!”

You stop chewing and look between him and the fish. There are still some embers burning on the scales. It is hot. As you think for a few seconds, you just now realized that you don’t remember the last time you have been burnt. Other than fevers from being sick and the seduction elixir, heat hasn’t really bothered you. “.... I… I dunno…” You put the fish down for a moment and stare at your hands, but they are also unfazed by the searing heat. This is really weird.

Muriel barks a confused and impressed chuckle, shaking his head as he wraps his arm around your waist pulling you partly into his cloak. “... You….. Always keeping me on my toes…”

“I keep myself on my toes…” You snort, unsure what to do with this new information, other than laugh that is.

For the next few minutes, you both sit there in silence as you continue to eat your meal. Then a thought comes across your mind, making you giggle a bit. “What?” He asks after swallowing a mouth full.

“I just thought of something…. If I’m a phoenix… then why are my feet always so freakin’ cold?”

Muriel’s eyes open wide, then he throws his head back laughing so hard it makes his whole body shake. Unable to resist his infectious laugh, you join in. As soon as he gets a hold of himself he places his fish down and wraps both arms around your waist, pulls you into his lap and kisses your temple. “You’re a mess…. but I love you for it.” Nobody is really around, so you both enjoy being snuggled close in this cold southern air.

As much as you want to stay in the warm embrace of your sweet hermit, you both know you have to continue your search for Ava. Now getting desperate, you even start to search in between the tents to see if they are hiding there. “Ava!!!” You loudly whisper, sneaking around somewhere near Gilbert and Una’s large family tent. “....Aaaaaaavaaaa!...... Com’on, Ava!! We’re running out of—” As you turn around you nearly bump into a tall figure carrying a large bundle of furs in their arms. “WOOH! WOOPS!!!” The both of you jolt and shudder from the surprise and you make them drop all the fur to the ground. Your hands fly up feeling incredibly embarrassed as you backup instinctively, unsure who it is. “OOO!—S-SORRY!! Sorry!... sorry.. M-my fault!! Here let me help you with that!” You whimper, scrambling to the ground to collect them and brush off the dirt.

An all too familiar irritated tut makes you stop. Quickly glancing up towards their face, and you're greeted with tightly folded arms and a disgusted looking sneer. Your brow twitches slightly and a small bead of sweat forms on your temple under their piercing hateful gaze; you haven’t seen them since last night on the hillside... Oh great… just what I needed right now… “Oh!... H-Hey…. Shona…” She slowly blinks silently, and slightly flaring her nostrils, just beaming down at you. You didn’t notice till now, but you’ve made your way back around to her and Ava’s tent. You nervously smile and sheepishly hand her back the furs and she snatches them back, grumbling under her breath without the slightest hint of a ‘thank you’.—No surprise there. Technically it was partly your fault.

For the first time, you see that the entrance of their tent is wide open, her hands are too full, so she couldn’t shut it back immediately. Your eyes naturally follow her as she places the furs down near a half finished light colored parka pinned to a mannequin standing on a wooden tripod. It was very dainty looking, but it was obvious the work is very well done. Intrigued, you pop your head inside the tent a little more and you see furs, leather, beads, tassels, and other material litter half of the tent. Weapons, spears, bows and arrows litter the other half and there are two small dividers on opposite sides that appear to be sleeping quarters. Easy to tell which side is who’s. Shona then dashes back out, jerking the tent entrance shut, and folds her arms once with her very sour expression. Feeling a bit awkward, you rub the ball of your right foot into the cold dirt, curiosity got the best of you. “Th—that parka is really pretty… Did you make it?” You mutter attempting to diffuse some of the tension, but it doesn’t seem to help.

Shona gives nothing but cold silence. It’s evident that she still despises you and is clearly hinting that she wants you to leave. You almost do just that, but then a thought occurred that she is bound to know exactly where her twin is. You swallow hard and muster up the courage to finally ask. “... So… ah…. Ha-have you seen Ava around lately?? I'm looking for them.” She continues to stand there in front of her tent silent, then shifts her weight to her left hip, and raises an eyebrow harshly judging once again. Holy shit woman. If looks could fuckin’ kill… You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh heavily, just about fed up with this hateful attitude of hers. “Mmmmkay—... Look, I need to find them. It’s really important that I do. Have you seen them?” She exhales hard through her nose, seeming determined to just to stand there and not tell you a thing. You soften your face and stare up at her now pleading. “Please, Shona…. It’s about something that is important to them.” At last, she huffs, rolls her eyes, reluctantly pointing you towards the stalls where the animals are held on the other side of camp. Finally!!! Thankful, your shoulders relax slightly feeling relieved you smile kindly to her but she just scowls harder. “Thank you, Shona.”

Tuning your heels around, you start to hurry off in that direction, but she opens her mouth. “....You know…” Her words stop you dead in your tracks, she speaks very softly, but has a particularly sour tone to it, and you whip your head back around to meet her green eyes. “...Last night didn’t mean anything, NewComer. You’re just more of a decent magician than expected.” She pauses and a small malicious smirk twitches up in the corners of her mouth as she takes a few steps closer towards you. “... You may have been able to cast your aura… you may be able to speak the language of old… hell, you may even marry my cousin that you don’t deserve…” Your fist clenches up tightly as she leans her head down almost to your level looking very sadistically, making her long braid fall down off her shoulder, and it swings side-to-side as she mutters just above a whisper. “.... But will never be one of us.”

You press your lips together tightly as you focus on slowing your now shaky breathing as rage and anger starts to burn inside of your chest. You then take a few steps back before your temper gets the best of you. You know that she is just dumping all her built up resentment and anger on you. But that was unnecessarily cruel… You hate to admit it, but that one hurt… a lot. You haven't belonged with anywhere except your friends in a long time. You don’t even remember belonging to anything else... family is forien to you. And you have been fine with that. You didn’t care. But then again, being here with the Kokhuri, you started to feel a strange familiar sense of family you’ve secretly longed for. But once you get comfortable again, Shona seems to always be there to keep gracing you with rude reminders of how that isn’t really true.

It’s frustrating that you must hold back what you really want to say to her, but you slowly start to walk backwards away. Her loathing smirk just grows even wider. You turn yourself around sluggishly to walk away, but your feet suddenly stop. Part of you wants to tell her off so badly, but you know that will push her in the other direction even more. Strangely, you still just want to be her friend. You want her to know you mean no harm. You're not a bad person. You don’t want her to be threatened by you. But… this was a cold hearted attack. She’s just… so fucking mean. Your mouth opens before you can stop yourself feeling your heart beat increase behind your sternum. “Hey, Shona…” Turning back around to face them once again, they glare back at you, clearly feeling very victorious, seeming to be awaiting some kind of vicious retaliation. But that's what she wants…. She wants you to prove her right.

Taking a moment to collect your thoughts together, pause and nod to yourself. Impatiently, she shakes her head and shrugs wanting to know what you have to say. “Well??.... What?? I don’t have all day….”

You take in another deep breath to calm yourself, clear away your emotions, and think about the root of all of this. You unwind your fist and drop your tight clenched shoulders and calmly speak in a very empathetic tone. “I know you are in a lot of pain… and you have the right to be angry about it.” Shona shudders and her smirk falls into a low tight frown. She was not expecting that, at least now you’ve got her attention. “… But just because someone else really hurt you… doesn’t give you the right to constantly try to hurt me.” Her eyes are wide, and just seemingly stunned by your statement. As you turn away to trundle off, you utter one last sentence. “... Just…. think about that one for awhile… Will ya?” And refuse to look back.

As you pass another tent you veer in front of it to clear your head before continuing towards the stables. Her words cut like a damn knife. But you have to keep going. Many tonight she’ll see…But I doubt tat she will ever stop hating me though.

Once you get a hold of yourself you start to make you way over to where the animals are held. Low and behold, there is Ava, hiding themselves behind the horse’s pin sitting on the ground with two fluffy ox calves curled up next to them, petting their heads as they are fast asleep.

Relieved you sigh, “There you are!” They start at the sound of your voice, quickly standing to their feet, they don’t seem to be happy that you're here. Wait… were they hiding from me?? Shaking the thought way, you wave them to follow you, hoping that isn’t the case. “...C'mon! Lets go talk to your dad. It’s getting late.” As you turn to start to travel in that direction, but they tug your cloak and pull you back. When you glance back at them, they shake their head widely, but slowly. They look so terrified . “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to do this?” Ava stares down at the ground and shrugs and your hands instinctively hold your hips. “So you were hiding from me, huh, Ava??” A small bead of sweat foams on their forehead and they scratch the back of their head, still avoiding your eyes. “... Are you getting cold feet?”

Sheepishly they nod, looking ashamed and they start to move their hands slowly. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea. Everyone is going to watch this.”

“I thought that was the point.”

They sigh hard. “Maybe next year… This is just too much right now.”

Frustration starts to recharge your depleted energy and your blood starts to lightly boil. Brow furrowed, nostrils flared. I have been looking for their ass for almost two hours, been insulted by their sister, blue-balled my fiancé—again—and they are telling me they are getting cold feet NOW?!  Suddenly your arms move without a second thought. Ava jolts as you grab their face with both hands, squishing their cheeks together, their face low looking like a fish, and pull their head down to your level. “AVA. Listen. To. Me….” Ava is now completely rigid and unsure what to do, but they don’t pull away, their face bright red as they are forced to look into your eyes and you inhale deeply and encouragement suddenly floods your mind. “You’ve been practicing this for the past week and a half! You have mastered the magic. You have mastered the story.” You nearly touch their forehead with yours, and feel the heat start to radiate off their face and they hold their breath. You may be too close for comfort, but you don’t care and you slightly shake them out of excitement. “You and I are going to talk to your father. You're going to show everyone what you can do. You are going to do amazing, and you are going to make your dreams a reality!!! AVA!! You. Can. Do. This!!!” Their cheeks become warm in your cool hands and they groan a little looking behind you. You whip yourself around, and see Keavy holding a bucket of feed, looking very confused at whatever she is looking at. Realizing how strange this all might look, you release Ava’s face, but grab their fur cloak so you don’t let them run off. “—Not what it looks like!!” You utter, sweat falling off your temple.

“Yeah… I know…” She says with an entertained looking grin on her face and shaking the feed bucket. The ox calves jump up with a little low moo and trot over towards Keavy’s direction. “... Shawn told me you two were up to something, ‘bout four days ago. Don’t know what it’s about, but I’m sure it's exciting if you gotta hide it from everyone, Ava~”

You can't help but smile proudly, “You have no idea!” But then realize you let go of Ava’s cloak and they have vanished. You whip yourself back to Keavy, “GAHH!! SHIT!!! Where’d they—?!”

She gives you a blank look, resting her weight on the wooden fence post and points in the direction of the hillside next to camp. “Looked like they were in a hurry…”

You hastily jump over the pen about to sprint in that direction, yelling their name. “AAV—OOOF!!” Then proceed to land face first into the dirt. Keavy first covers her mouth in concern, but once she sees that you're fine, and you spit and sputter out the dirt from your mouth, she stifles her laughter as you scramble to your feet, run and shout like a madwoman. “—AVA!!!!!”

Your eyes catch the top of their head as they walk quickly through the middle of camp. Ava pretends to not hear you as they start to pick up speed, but little did they know— You’re fast— almost as fast as Asra— and you nearly gain on them in no time. Now they start to run, trying their best to evade you, they nearly slam themselves into Muriel’s chest as he happens to come around the blind corner. They dash around him and he stands there awkwardly. Confused, Muriel then realizes who that just was and opens his mouth to shout their name, but before he can, you half shout, “AVAAAAA!!!!!”, dashing as fast as you can right past him and Inanna. “—YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOUR DESTINY!!!!” Suddenly you screech to a halt, looking back to Muriel, and inhale a large gasp. “Muriel!!! MY LOVE!!! My sweet man!!!! Don’t ask why, but I need your muscles!!!!”

“What-? Are they running from you?—” You grab him by the wrist with both hands, cutting him off. Ava is trying to make a break for it towards the graveyard. If they manage to get there, you know that have lost them.

“SHUSH! I SAID I HAD NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!!!! JUST, CHARGE!!!” You war cry, getting a strange sense of déjà vu here. 

Muriel sighs grumpily, but follows behind as you lead the charge. Ava starts to slow down, probably thinking they have just about given you the slip. But then turns around to see you with a ferocious feral look in your eyes. “AAAAVA!!!” You screech.

They gasp a loud startled muffled squeak, as you tackle them from behind and wrap all four limbs around their shoulders and torso and you grunt through your bearded teeth. “YOU CAN’T RID OF THIS WITCH THAT EASILY!!!! I’M LIKE A FREAKIN’ LEACH!!!!!” In just three quick shakes, they pry you off of their back, somehow not hurting you in the process. As they fling you off, you manage to land gracefully on your feet and you try to summon your magic. Unfortunately it still seems to be drained from casting your aura last night. Still you some way or any other manage to bring up some rope and tie it around their right leg. They try to make another run for it, but fall down to the ground.

They swiftly get to their feet and find Muriel barreling towards them like a mad bull, and they go on the defensive instinctively, arms up, palms open. He attempts to grab Ava’s waist to tackle them and pin them down. Before he can they snatch his wrist and it soon becomes a battle of strength. Muriel starts to grit his teeth and mumbles, “Why are you…. running away…. from Rhemi?? Isn’t…. this is what… you’ve always…… wanted to do???” Ava bares their teeth and growls like an irritated wild animal and lunges forwards and grabs his waist, forcing him backwards and knocking half the wind out of him. He gets his footing and slowly pushes and wrestles them back and they release his waist. Taking the opportunity, in one fast move, Muriel bear hugs them, forcing their upper arms to their sides, unable to use them effectively and he just lifts them off their feet. They dangle there, wriggling and squirming about and start to kick their feet around. At this point, poor Muriel has had enough of this crap. “You’ve been caught! So—just—HOLD… STILL!! I don’t want to hurt you!!!”  

All three of you now take a breath and you huff and puff for air. Once you catch some of your breath and they stop protesting, you walk over to where Muriel is binding them tightly. “Ava! Stop fighting will ya? He’ll let you go if you stop trying to run!” They open and close their mouth furiously, seeming to want to tell you to go to hell. You sigh deeply and look into their eyes sincerely. “Ava.... If you don’t do this now, you never will….. You know that!... I know you do….”

They finally stop fighting for a few seconds and their face relaxes. A reluctant moan escapes their lungs and they calmly tap Muriel’s forearm with their hand, signaling to let them go. Muriel and you exchange one brief glance and you nod to him. Once they are released they don’t make anymore attempts to run away as they drop to sit on the cold ground covered in forget-me-nots, then lay down flat on their back and gazing into the partly cloudy sky. Finally they start to move their hands. “What if Papa says ‘no’?”

You squat down to their level feeling rather exhausted after all this running and tackling. “Then, he says ‘no’. He isn’t going to disown you.”

Ava their trunk back up and starts to move their hands a bit faster and more emotionally. “What if I just embarrass myself?!”

“You’re not going to embarrass yourself, Ava. Tell me one other person— other than me— than can do what you can do?? And if you mess up a part, or make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. Yes, these are trials. But no one knows what it's supposed to look like.”

Ava nods their head and blows an unconvinced raspberry out their mouth, draping their left arm lazily over their knee.

Muriel then kneels down and places his hand gently on their shoulder. “Ava… I’ve seen how it looks, just in a few days you’ve managed to make the story look great— You can understand what's going on without the verbal story….. Rhemi’s not trying to force anything on you. But running away isn’t the answer either. Running will just get easier while facing this head-on will get harder and harder..... besides... She isn’t going to stop... Trust me.”

Ava blows a piece of hair off of their face and nods to themself a bit. You tilt your head and tuck your loose side bangs behind your ear. “Ava, I know you're worried about a number of things.” You stand to your feet and offer your hand to them. “You will never know if you don’t try.” Finally they take your hand and you help pull them up to their feet. “You can do this, Ava.”

They give a small grin and look towards Muriel and start to move their hands. It takes you a moment, then you translate what they said. “They said, ‘... She has a weird way of motivating people. I never thought tackling would be one of them.’”

Muriel barks a short laugh. “You’re not the only person she’s tackled. Just be happy she did threaten you.”

Ava snorts, and speaks with her hands making you giggle a little. “They said, ‘I don’t find that surprising’.”

All three of you make your way up the hillside, very shocked that no one has noticed your rather loud hijinxs. You thank Muriel for his help, but then quickly have to make your way to Ava’s father. You’ve lost enough time as it is.

Luckily, Gilbert is found not far from his and Una’s tent, washing clothes with the younger children. Some of the older boys around fourteen to eight are helping while the other smaller ones play. He greets you two with his iconic large smile and jolly laugh. “Madainn mhath, Ava, Rhemi…. what can I do for you?”

Ava is stiff as a board and is pointedly staring at their feet, parolized by apprehension and fear. You decide to take pity on the poor thing and speak up. “Good morning… afternoon?... Whatever it is… Say… Gilbert?”

He stops washing for a moment, looking up at you from the ground, giving you his full attention. Quietly you lean closer and shield your mouth with your hand so no one else can hear. “Could we talk to you somewhere private, Gilbert?”

He blinks a few times, giving you a blank look, and darts from you to Ava with deepening suspension. He shrugs and places the wet sudsy clothes he was working on back into the water. “Ah… Sure. Alright then.” He stands to his feet and calls Shawn to take over for him. Shawn isn’t all that pleased getting roped into chores, but once he sees that it's the two of you he seems to not mind as much. While following behind Gilbert, you nearly have to drag Ava into the tent, they are so nervous. The worst part is telling him, and you know it. As you all enter the tent you pull the entrance closed while Gilbert and Ava sit near the fire. Gilbert stokes the fire and warms his wet hands and you take a seat next to Ava’s side. “So… what’s on the two of your minds, eh?” Gilbert asks, rolling down his sleeve.

Pure dead silence takes over the tent, building the tension even thicker as Ava refuses to look at either of your. You glance up at Ava, their face is beaming red and hot. Using your closest elbow, you nudge Ava’s side and they jump slightly, seeming to get them out of their stupor. They take a deep breath and start to move their hands slowly so you can understand. “... Papa… I want…. I want to help you with tonight’s story.”

Gilbert snorts, shaking his head confused. “...But…. you already help, my cub. You play the drum—”

Ava waves their hands cutting him off mid sentence. “No, no, no. I want to help… telling it.”

“Hmm?” Gilbert's eyes are incredibly wide and he holds his breath for a few seconds, completely taken off guard by this request. He then clears his throat unsure what to do or say, evident by him opening and closing his mouth a few times before spitting out actual words. “... Ava… I—…..How-.... I mean…. Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but….How else…. can you…?”

Mustering up all their courage, Ava answers him by summoning their dark blue shimmery magic in their hand. Two silhouettes then form taking the shape of a small child covered in a hood and a large fluffy wolf. With a flick of their opposite wrist, they sent the shadow puppets down off of their palm to the ground making them playfully chase one another. Despite the colors and size, the way Ava makes the puppets move and behave, it really looks like it’s two living creatures running around on the ground. Gilbert's face brightens, he leans down, his eyes fixed onto the shadowy figures completely fascinated and perplexed by the sight. He even reaches for the small child. His fingers faze right through their body, making them blurry, but it returns back to its shape immediately as his fingers move. “What…. What is this??”

You smile proudly at your student then offer the explanation. “Ava found me playing with their younger sibling on the hillside the second or third day we came here. I was showing off some of my illusion magic. This caught their eyes, and I taught them how to do it. They told me that this was like an old forgotten form of Master Speaking…”

“... The Master Illuminators.” He nods slowly to himself, his thoughts obviously racing, he covers his hands over his mouth, lost for words continuously mezzmerized by the shadow puppets movements. “.... So this is what we had forgotten for a hundred years?.... This is…so…. beautiful. You learned this just in a week, Ava?”

Ava’s cheeks start to turn pink, dropping their hand making the shadow puppets disappear into thin air. “If you think this is good, you should see the whole show!” You say giddily.

Gilbert's eyes finally look back up to the two of you, completely dumbfounded. “....There’s… There more??”

Ava sheepishly nods their head, rubbing their bicep with their opposite hand before they answer with their hands. “Been practicing.” Ava then gently places their hand on your closet shoulder, cheeks deeper red. “...Rhemi has been teaching me.”

A large grin washes over his face as he beams at Ava, he couldn't be more proud looking. “.... So… You are asking to start the trials, Ava?”

They swallow hard and take a deep inhale, nodding their head. “... But don’t tell anyone.”

Gilbert’s large smile falls, and is replaced with a confused frown. “What do you mean, ‘don’t tell anyone’?? Why not, my cub?? Your mother and Shona—”

Ava violently shakes their head protesting, staring at the ground before bringing their hands back up. “Just don’t tell them. Please. I don’t want anyone to know about it.”

Gilbert pushes out a long heavy exhale and rubs his temples, eventually he begrudgingly nods in agreement. “Alright, my cub… I don’t understand why. Everyone will find out by tonight—But you need to find someone to cover the drums!”

Ava nods sharply and excitedly and a wry smile widely. But then tears overwhelm their eyes and they quickly try to brush them away. This sudden emotion shocks both you and Gilbert. “Sorry, Papa—Rhemi…. I’m fine.” They say quickly with their left hand while trying to wipe the tears with the other.

Fatherly concern kicks in, and Gilbert scoots forwards on his knees closer to Ava. He pulls his child into his arms looking very worried, but they are reluctant to accept it. “What’s this?? Aren’t you happy, cub??”

They nod, and pull away enough so they can communicate and start to very emotionally move their hands. You almost don’t catch all of it because of the speed. “I am happy, Papa.... But I’m scared too.”

Gilbert looked at his child with such concern. “Why are you scared? My Ava is never scared!!”

Ava sniffles, not really wanting to answer, but they know they need to. “... I don’t want to be a disappointment again.”

“...What??” Gilbert’s face looks as if his heart just broke into pieces. “... When have I ever told you that you were a disappointment, Ava??”

They choke on their tears slightly, unable to look him in the eye. “You didn’t say it. No one has…. I felt like I was… Ever since I lost my voice….”

Gilbert pauses for a moment, but utterly appalled at the thought. “Why… why in the world would you think that??”

Ava does their very best to keep their composure, and their eyes meet with his. “....Because… I couldn’t be like you.”

Gilbert's heart is now completely broken. “Oh my cub… My poor sweet young cub….” A wave of sadness overwhelms him as tears pool in his eyes, lips pressing together tightly, he shakes his head slowly looking deeply into Ava’s eyes. Gently he cups his child’s face in his large palms, wipes their tears with his thumbs as they continue to roll down their cheeks, softly and comfortingly he speaks to them softly in Rune. “Ava… I have never been disappointed in you. I could care less that you couldn’t be like me! … You being here alive is alway enough for me…. I thought…. I thought I was going to lose one of my children that day…” Pressing his forehead against Ava’s, he pets their head with one hand as they start to sob. They lean into his palm on their cheek, accepting his comfort. “I.... I was just so hurt to see you and your sister so unhappy. My first born cubs were broken that day. It hurt to see my children feel like they had no purpose in life anymore…” Shakiness in his voice, he pauses for a moment to collect himself before tears take over. “...I am so sorry you believed that, Ava… Momma and I never wanted you to feel this way, cub. I’m so sorry.”

Ava pulls away and has a soft smile on their lips, looking so relieved to hear those words. They slowly move their hands. “...It wasn’t your fault, Papa. I never told you how I felt… I don’t think I knew I felt that way until recently.” The expressions on their face are so heartfelt, you can’t help but feel your heartstrings being pulled.

Gilbert holds Ava’s face again, pride gleaming in his eyes as he smiles at them and sniffles with them. “Ahhh! But look at you now! Your eyes are bright and full of life again! Figured something was going on—And I see it’s because you're doing what you want to do!! You amaze me every single day. I am so proud of you. Not for wanting to be like your old man, but for being who you are.”

Ava nods their head, red reaming their eyes, they throw their arms around his neck and they hug each other tightly and weep together. They both have seemed to have forgotten that you’re still there, but you don’t care. You can’t help but feel emotional too witnessing and you hide your tears too. You feel so proud of Ava. This had been bothering them for such a long time. This was an important moment for the two of them. It’s no secret that these two are very close. Despite the size of Gilbert’s family, he and Una are close to all their children, you don’t quite know how they manage it.  

After a while, Ava and Gilbert pull themselves together, straighten themselves up, and wipe the tear away. Gilbert snorts inspecting the tears on top of his hand. “Oi—Airson gaol na Athair Mhòir!! I have a feeling this is going to be a ‘soggy’ day, isn’t it??” And the three of your spiral into collected laughter. It’s true. There have been a lot of emotion and tears just in the past sixteen or hours. There is bound to be more.

While you were next to Gilbert, you decided to give him your journal so he could read over. Ava helped here and there during your down time when teaching, but Gilbert has the last say on the matter. You don't plan on publishing it or anything, but it would be nice to have for some of the children who no longer live here in the Steppe. As all three of you stand to your feet Gilbert tucks the journal carefully into a satchel on his side. “Now. I promise I won’t tell anyone, but you're going to have to explain that to your sister. And she’s been in a rather fowl mood lately!”

Ava sighs deeply and rolls their eyes. “Trust me. I know.”

Gilbert huffs a small jolly chuckle and then pats Ava on their shoulder. “Oh! She’s been cross with you too, has she??” Ava nods slowly looking slightly guilty and Gilbert nods to the entrance of the tent. “Go on, cub. Get plenty of rest before tonight. I know you were up for patrol this morning right after the celebration. Shona said that you haven't been back to bed. You must be tired.”

You quickly grab their arm and whip them around to face you.“You haven't slept since this yesterday?!” As they turn to face you, you notice the bags under their eyes and look at them scoldingly. “AVA!! That isn’t good!”

They shrug and sneer looking embarrassed. “I was too worked up to get rest!!! My thoughts kept me away!”

You smack their thick muscly arm with a growl. “That’s still not good for you!!!!”

Red takes over their face and ears making Gilbert burst into laughter again. “We better find you one like this one!”

Ava Lets out a muffled embarrassed moan. “PAPA, STOP IT! Your embarrassing me!!” 

—————————————

The rest of the afternoon flew by, before you know it, it’s dinner time. Muriel and you keep Ava company tonight before the story. Shona looked to be very upset by this, but she’ll get over it after tonight…. or so you hope…

Ava thankfully got some sleep and looked much more rested. But they still looked so jittery, they barely ate. Muriel and you look to each other, concerned. “Ava, you alright?” He asks, placing his hand on their shoulder.

Ava exhales hard, then nods with a wry grin. “Here.” He hands them the flatbread. “You need to eat.”

Ava shakes their hand, not very interested in food. But you chime in quickly. “NO! Take it! You need something in your stomach. Bread is light, but it will at least hold you over. You don’t need to pass out up there!”

With a huff they take it and give Muriel a knowing look, making him snort. “Yes… She’s always like this. Little mother hen.”

“Pffft! Like you are one to talk!” You grumble under your breath making Ava chuckle at your little bantering.

After a while, it was time for Ava and Gilbert to get ready. You can tell, they were still really nervous, but they had determination as well. Everyone proceeded to gather around the fire, like they did every night, making an aisle in the middle. Tonight, instead of the back where Muriel and you usually sit, Muriel recommends that the two of you sit up in front to give Ava some moral support if needed. You feel proud of him being willing to be there for them. Muriel sits on the outside opposite of the aisle to make sure the younger kids and shorter people can see.

The time has at last come and all the Kokhurian’s erupt in cheers and chants “Master Speaker” in Rune. Gilbert enters the tent with his embroidered shawl over his shoulders, his headpiece with elk antlers on top of his head, and grey face paint over his eyelids. The crowd hushes instantly as he throws up his hand like they normally do. He draws in a deep breath and you even catch as he gives Una a small wink before he starts to speak. “As the Celebration draws to an end, I must thank you all for coming once again. I know the journey to the Shining Steppe can be long, sometimes treacherous. But it is all worth it in the end to see all your wonderful faces and to shield some light during these dark nights.…… This gathering was a particularly special year for all of us. Was it not?!” The crowd happily cheers, claps, and trills in agreement with him. “... Not only did we have one of our own return to us… Our fallen heroes Artturi and Glenna’s cub, Muriel.” Gilbert gestures towards him, making him sink down into his cloak as joyful proud eyes fall on him, and you take his hand and smile brightly, making him relax a little as Gilbert continues to speak. “... But we had an excellent Midnight Celebration!! We have honored Kok’s spirit with wonderful casts! Such love and pure soulful auras that was shared last night on the hillside..” Eyes now fall on both of you suddenly; you slightly blanch and shrink into yourself too but a few people reach their arms over and pat your’s and Muriel’s back and shoulder. “....But that is not all that is special this year!!” The crowd now turn their eyes back to Gilbert, looking rather perplexed, eager for him to answer after his dramatic pause. “... This year, I have a new person to help tell the stories of old...” Gasps and whispers ring throughout the crowd. Anxiously you wait for Ava’s introduction. Gilbert raises his hand towards the tent’s entrance with a wide proud, jolly, smile. “... They began their trials tonight for a lost artform of Illuminator. I am proud to present to you…..” Every single head whips around to the back of the tent, eager to see the face of the new apprentice. Ava steps forwards and starts to walk down the aisle and shocked sharp gasps erupt from almost everyone’s mouth, some talk among themselves. “... My own child.... one of my oldest cubs, Ava.”

You can’t help but feel incredibly giddy inside and to try and contain your excitement. They look so dashing!! Keeping their scarf around their neck, their fur cloak is replaced with a smaller shawl, similar to Gilbert’s. They also have a small wreath-like crown made up of herbs and grass on top of their head, and gray paint also on their eyelids and partly on their bottom lip, and runs down their chin. You catch a glimpse of Una, Keavy, Shawn and Shona’s faces, all with such very mixed emotions. Shawn's eyes are bright and full of excitement, Keavy and Una are clasping their mouths in utter shock. But Shona, she looks like she can’t believe her eyes. Such sorrow and turmoil in her face. Una looks at all her older children and whispers, “Did any of you know about this?” All shake their head vigorously, but Shona can’t take her eyes off Ava as they walk down the center aisle. Ida pats Shona’s leg and they seem to snap out of their trace and she shakes her head as well.

Gilbert brings up his hand once more, making the crowd hush once again as Ava stands next to him and he switches to Rune. “... Fellow Elders. Ava wishes to present tonight’s story with me. We humbly ask for your approval.”

With a nod Gilbert cues Ava to take center stage. Expecting them to look terrified, you are happy to find that they look rather calm and confident as they place their hand right over their heart and give a shallow bow. There is a slight pause, but then Una starts to a very slow beat with her hand on the top of her thigh. Soon other elders fall into the steady beat making Ava smile, the more people start to drum, the wider their smile. You can only guess that this was some kind of approval for them to go on. Soon everyone starts to drum and clap in unison, young and old. And they quickly glance at you and Muriel. You give them a small thumbs up with a large stupid smile, and Muriel grins reassuringly.

Gilbert brings up his hand once more, mirroring Ava’s humble wide smile and the tent is quiet once again. “..... Ava has told me to ask that you should all prepare yourselves. This form of storytelling has not been seen for over a hundred years.”

Before they both start, Gilbert whispers to them. “Ya’ ready, cub?” Ava takes in a deep breath, then looks to Shona. She obviously has no idea what's going on, but despite herself, she gives her twin sister a small forced smile. She seems apprehensive, but it must feel good to see Ava in that costume up there with their father. 

Shona’s smile seems to give Ava the last bit of confidence that they needed and they finally nod sharply to their father, determination in their eyes. As Gilbert takes his spot they move towards the side and conjure their magic. Ava lowers the light of the fire behind them so that everyone can see what was happening.

As soon as the light dims, Ava casts the shadow puppets, but they do this on a completely different level than you ever can. The large tent becomes filled with the dark blue shimmery illusions, an atmospheric haze, and even smoky wisps. Soft gasps utter from the crowd, some children are frightened at first. But as soon as Gilbert starts to speak, they refocus on the story, mesmerized but the visuals.

“...Before there was the Steppe. Before there were seas dividing lands. Before creatures roamed Mother Earth. Before there was even time itself….. there were two beings that existed through space....” Ava blows on their palm and creates a small layer of smoke as their father continues. Making two human-like figures. But they looked fluid, flexible and morph their shapes. “...Here, there live two celestial beings, named Earth and Sky. The two would dance, make love, and travel through all the different realms and cosmos together, and they loved each internally…..

Earth was timid and quiet, yet very strong, sturdy, and often stubborn. When she was tested, she would quake and tremble terribly, and reminded others that she was not to be trifled with…

Sky was very patient and flexible, but also could turn at the slightest moment into a raging storm, unleashing his thunder and lightning. His moods are ever changing from dark to light.

…. One day Earth and Sky had a child together, a large bright star named Berko. They could not believe how much their love could grow as their child came into light. But as Berko grew brighter and hot, he became impatient and fiery. As he became old enough to go off by himself, he would often leave his parents behind. And shoot off alone though the cosmos, never giving much thought to his parent’s lessons. For he was much faster than Earth and Sky, and he became arrogant and believed that he knew more than the two ancient beings. One day he set out on a quest and seemed to be looking for something. When his parents asked what it was for, he would say, “It’s none of your concern!”, and shot off.

Mother Earth and Father Sky were saddened by their son’s arrogance. They had only showered him with love, affection, and tried to teach him well. But it is to be expected of such a young being. “One day. He will see, Mother.” Said Father Sky to his wife as she wept, fearing for the safety of her son.”

Berko traveled far and wide, exploring across many realms and met many strange beings. He even traveled through the abyss, a place even his parents never dared to enter. Berko was chased after by the monsters that dwell in the shadow, but he thought it was all fun and games. They hated the light he shed from his body and it even hurt their eyes. They loathed the ignorant start for his actions and swore revenge. But he did not care, nor was he afraid. “I’m too fast for those monsters anyway.”, he’s gloat. Feeling invincible, he laughed in the monster's face. He had many adventures, but still felt almost empty inside. Like something was missing. This feeling grew and grew and Berko started to feel sad and lonely, unsure what this feeling was or how to stop it. One day he met a slow and patient comet. Berko finally stopped shooting across the cosmos and gazed at her icy beauty. In that moment he had no need to search anymore, for he found his one true love, a love that he wanted like his parents had. They were complete opposites, but their attraction was unstoppable.

The two soon wed. Happy to see their son finally happy, Earth and Sky welcomed Comet. But Berko’s Mother and Father warned them. “If you two are to produce children, I fear that they will not be immortal. They will not be able to fly like we do. Nothing would keep themselves from falling into the dark abyss where terrible monsters hide. For fire and ice did not mix well.” Mother Earth said to her only child.

But once again, Berko did not care and ignored his parent’s advice, for he and Comet were young and madly in love. “We do not need your warnings, we do not need your help. I am not afraid of the monsters that lie in the dark abyss.” Said Berko as he and Comet held hands and flew off into the different realms, leaving behind Mother Earth and Father Sky...”

Gilbert does his best to not be distracted by the gorgeous shadow puppets that Ava is making. It’s clear that he is fighting back so many emotions right now and pauses for a few seconds. Ava glances back at him, and he shakes his head and presses on like the true story teller he is. 

“... Soon the Berko and Comet bore a child. Wee babe made the two celestial beings so very happy, and strengthened their love for one another. Berko started to understand what his parents meant in their lessons. “Perhaps they do understand more than I had thought.” Pondered Berko.

However the joy soon fell, it eventually became clear, like Mother Earth and Father Sky had warned, the child was mortal, had skin hair and fur over their bodies, and was unable to fly Berko and Comet. Comet constantly had to hold in her arms and she was determined to never let them go.

But unfortunately, the child grew and grew and got heavier and heavier with each passing moment. Eventually, Comet became so fatigued from carrying the child in her arms. The child was also tired of being held. They became irritated, restless, wiggled and kicked. Comet did her very best, but it wasn’t enough. She was unable to keep the child in her arms, and they fell down into the abyss. Berko and Comet dived down to catch their baby, but sadly, they were quickly gobbled up by monsters that were hiding in the darkness. Berko pulled his wife from the darkness in fear of both of their lives. The monsters showed their faces from out of the shadows, smirking evilly, very pleased that they finally got their revenge. Berko had all but forgotten his terrible actions, and pleaded with monsters to return his child. But laughed at his face, slithering and slinking away… Never to be seen again…

.... Berko and Comet were so devastated that they lost their first child. Heartbroken, lost, and terrified, the two sought help from Berko’s parents, Mother Earth and Father Sky. Berko feared that he would be rejected, the way he treated them was awful. Comet and he were so arrogant as to not heed his parents' warning. He felt like he did not deserve their love. But Mother Earth and Father Sky welcomed them both with open arms. They loved him, despite his foolishness. They too were so very heartbroken about the loss of the wee babe, this was their son’s first child. Berko and Comet became fearful and cried, for they were expecting another child. They too would be mortal and unable to fly forever.

Mother Earth and Father Sky then pondered on this dilemma. None of them could not bear to have another child lost to the abyss. Mother Earth then said to Comet and Berko, “Once the child comes, I will hold them.” She inhaled deeply and became a large sphere. “... This way, I am much bigger than your arms. I can hold thousands of children. They can even eat my plants that grow on my body. They will be safe here.”

Unconvinced, Comet shakes her head. “Yes, you are much larger and stronger than I. But what if they jump or wiggle free? You can not hold them down, Great Mother. For you will have no arms in this form.”

“But I can,” interjected Father Sky, as he became transparent and airy, covering all of his wife. “... I will wrap myself around Mother. I will hold them down. My eyes will even keep watch over them. Keep them safe.”

Berko was shocked at his parents' willingness to sacrifice so much just to help the young couple and his children. The gesture was too great and protested, consumed with such powerful guilt. “... But if you hold down our children, you both will have to stay in this realm forever. You will not be able to travel ever again.”

Father Sky hugged his son, tightly with a large smile. “Mother and I would trade our immortality for you and these children, Berko. That is what it is to be a parent.”

Comet then started to sob uncontrollably, “....But if… if we give you our children, we will not get to see them all the time…. I so wanted to watch them grow.” All four were quiet for a moment. This was true, Berko and Comet would not be able to see them and they’re lives will also be very short…. But there was no other solution. The children would perish without Mother Earth and Father Sky.

With a heavy heart, Berko and Comet eventually agreed that Great Mother Earth and Great Father Sky would take the children on as their own. Soon the day came, Berko and Comet bore twins and named them, Ainmhidh and Daonna.

Comet left them on Mother’s surface, breaking her heart, and she continued to weep for her children. In doing so, she created various bodies of water. From vast oceans, and seas, to fast moving rivers, and even small trickling streams. She cried so much, half her body was melted in the process, and water covered much of Mother Earth's body. Unknowingly in return, Comet provided nourishment for the children. They will always live through her and they will always be a part of one another.

Berko shattered himself into billions of stars to help brighten Father Sky’s body, so the children had something to look at during the night. Giving them guidance and light. Something they can look up to in wonder.

To this day, you can still see Comet and Berko. They still come and visit, you see. However, they cannot stop moving, if they will burn out they will die. Comet will sluggishly float over Father Sky’s body, leaving a trail of icy tears behind her, reluctant to leave. Berko will shoot across the horizon with his thousands of pieces at night, catching glimpses of his legacy live on in the care of Mother Earth and Father Sky.

Remember what our Great Mother and Father sacrificed for his child sake; And Remember children, what your parents would sacrifice for your future… Heed your parent’s warnings.”

Suddenly as the story ends, Ava rushes all the illusions and smoke back into the palms of their hands and they disappear. With an exhale, the fire brightens back up, filling the tent with bright light once more. The music stops, and the tent is stunned silent. Ava scans the crowd, awaiting for someone to say something, starting to become nervous.

Finally, a elder woman's voice in the back cries, “Aontaich an Soillsichear!!”, (Approve the Illuminator). As you glance back, you see that it was the elderly woman that serves the Kokhurian ale every night at dinner time. She has tears in her eyes but a large smile dances on her lips. Then another voice repeats that, then another one, then another until the entire tent fills with the same chant and people cheering on.

Ava's smile is so happy and wide, showing nearly all their teeth, and they fall to their knees, losing all of their composure. Gilbert covers his mouth with his hand and tries to hold back his tears, but is unable to control all this emotion. Pull Ava back to their feet, he wraps his arms around them and they return the embrace. Ava starts to softy sob. As they let go, they quickly straighten back up for one last moment as they both bow together and the crowd goes wild. Una, Keavy and Shawn are all crying together. Shona quickly dashes to the front, wrapping her arms around Ava, nearly knocking them over. Overcome with joy and sorrow, Shona and Ava just sob together. Shona lets go of her sister’s body, sweetly cups their face and presses her forehead to theirs as Ava holds her elbows, the gray paint running down their cheek from their eyes.

You even Muriel’s arms wrap around you and press a quick kiss on the top of your head. As you glance up, you see his eyes fighting back the tears. He was proud of Ava too. Proud of what a difference the two of you made for his cousin. it wouldn't have been possible without his help. He hadn’t known them for very long, but somehow they formed a bond. You both had.

Ava pulls out of Shona’s arms then rushes over to you and pulls you to your feet, you glance at Muriel unsure what is happening as they drag you to the front. “Wait—! What?! GAH!!” Both Gilbert and Ava lift you up off your feet by your arms and Gilbert announces, “Ava wants everyone to know… ‘This would have not been possible without this little NewComer!’.” Your body feels suddenly feverish and you just want to hide under a rock. This is too much attention. Gilbert laughter fills the tent. “Who knew that it takes being friends with my Ava is to beat them at Brùth Carachd!!” Everyone starts to burst into laughter and cheers and they finally bring you back to your feet, your face is very blanched by all this attention once again. But as you look over to Muriel he stands with the others, cheering and clapping for you too. Ava arm’s embrace your torso and their biggest hug, lifting you off your feet. Soon Una, Shawn and Keavy even joins this hug. Una even kisses your burning hot cheek.

Shona is just standing apart completely confused at all of this. Ava finally puts you back down once they realize Shona and look sheepish once again. Ida then jumps on Ava giggling and so happy for their sibling. “Ava! You’ve gotta show me how to do that!!!” She says cutely giggling and Ava is pulled away by a few enthusiastic elders, leaving you and Shona alone. In your peripheral, you can see Muriel as he becomes uneasy with her just standing there, unsure what she will do or say and he tries to gently push his way through the crowd to your rescue. Shona darts between you and Ava as she is being paraded around by Ronin, Gilbert, and Shawn singing a very merry tune once again. She shakes her head in disbelief, her eyes glassy and red from the tears. “So… so this—this… This is what you’ve two been doing together?.... You were teaching Ava… magic??” You take a step back feeling a bit uncomfortable under her piercing gaze and glancing frequently to Muriel who is still pushing through.

You still feel very tense being around her, but it does feel good for her to know the truth. “Y-...Yes. This is what I wanted to tell you before. But Ava asked me not to.”

“But, why??” Shona snaps furrowing her brow.

Preparing yourself for them to yell at you, stiffening your shoulder and hands. You swallow hard and answer. “... They were afraid of letting people down. Especially you. So we stayed quiet about it.” Shona’s eyes flutter and her lip starts to tremble and you can’t help but feel empathetic. “I—I am sorry if you’re hurt. But—You can think of it as a surprise in a way—”

Once again, you feel your lungs become breathless as arms are suddenly thrown over your shoulders. You must be dreaming. This… this isn’t happening…. You turn your head and see a dark head of hair braided long with a pink ribbon and earring tassels tickle your nose and neck. You can feel her tear drops as they pepper your neck. Shona. The person who claimed to hate your guts, is hugging you right now and has no signs of letting go.

Warm tears trickle down her face and pepper your neck. “You… you gave my Ava back their voice…”

To be continued….

FINALLY! This chapter was a bitch and a half let me tell you. We al almost done! just a few more chapters away!! YAY!!! =D

I hope you guys enjoy my hot trash! You all make it worth it! I love you all!!

[nat-roman0ff]

all i want for christmas is us

all i want for christmas is us

an entry for @saintlymendes​ secret santa

for: nicole (@tell-me-when-ur-ready​)

-

words: 2,092 warnings: some swearing, angst, and cavity inducing fluff (it is christmas after all)

-

 Shawn looks down again at his phone, scrolling through the photos. Happy. Warm. Holiday season. Ice skating at his favorite park, kissing under the mistletoe, and posing in the matching pajamas his mum had bought for the entire family. A smile creeps up on his face and then disappears just when he starts to feel its warmth. 

 Last Christmas. 

 Last Christmas the photos were taken. Last Christmas they were happy. Last Christmas she had said yes to marrying him. 

 Now the photos just served as painful reminders of his current reality. Sitting alone in his half empty condo. He couldn’t bare to replace the things she took, just in case she decided to come back.

Odds and ends mostly; an end table she purchased at an antique store and lugged eight blocks back home on a hot August weekend, an ottoman where the two would sit on the floor across from each other and play cards all night over a bottle of her favorite red wine, an entirely empty wall that used to make up her vinyl collection. The half empty condo matched his half empty heart.

 Shawn locks and drops his phone to his chest with a thud, opting for the sting of its weight on his sternum over the stinging of his broken heartstrings. He still hadn’t cleaned up the red wine stain from the carpet when she spilled it last Christmas. Getting rid of that was the last bit of her still around and, well, he needed to still hold onto something. 

 Karen’s rung three times at this point. She knew it was going to be a hard day for him, insisted he spend the night Christmas Eve but Shawn declined and instead drank himself stupid until three in the morning and passed out on the living room floor next to her red wine stain.

 He thought about calling her, wishing her a Happy Christmas, or anything just to hear her voice. It hadn’t been a messy breakup, at least at first. She said it was too much too soon and the constant pressure from the outside world was starting to seep through their happy little bubble. 

 Time. It was always time that she needed. But after she returned the ring, the weeks faded into months and when he saw that first picture come up on his timeline he knew that their time had run out. 

 It was innocent enough; someone he knew through mutual friends but could never remember his name. Smiling, with her lips pressed against his cheek. 

 She was with someone else. 

 He blacked out that night, somewhere in the middle of a world tour in a foreign city and woke up the next morning by Brian dumping a glass of water on his head. He cried for a day and a half straight and then again when he had to tell his mum. 

 Time.

 Everyone said it was all he’d need to get over her; the love of his life. He’d known it from a very young age, before the fame, before they’d ever exchanged a wayward glance at each other. He knew she was going to be the one for him, for the rest of his life. 

 Until she wasn’t.

 Write about it. Was his first thought. Write until your fingers bleed and there’s nothing left in your head. Write out every memory, every feeling, every ounce of pain that courses through your God forsaken veins and then you’ll be rid of her. But Shawn couldn’t write. He couldn’t put down a single fucking word in the six months since she left. He just couldn’t describe it; there was no way to put into words how he was feeling, nothing that did it justice, nothing that captured the pathetic sadness that lingered in his bones about her.

 -

 It’s half past two when Karen finally got ahold of him. He’d lost track looking at photos, letting his memories replay on the walls of his condo over and over again. He watches the two of them dance in the kitchen at midnight and make love on the living room floor in the morning, wrapped up in each other’s arms. If he was miserable at home on Christmas, he was going to be even worse at his parent’s house. 

 Everything was the same as it was last year when Shawn finally walks through the front door of his parent’s home, right down to the smells. Except she’s not there. There’s a small box in the spot where the ring box sat last year on the tree and Shawn tries to blink away the onset of tears that threaten to come through. He wonders which cousin is getting engaged this year.

 Asshole stole my idea.

 “Everything alright, darling?” Karen asks in only that mum way. She knows it’s not. It hasn’t been for a while. 

 Shawn nods his head, “yeah, fine. Just...you know. I knew today would be hard.” 

 Karen smiles, “I know, honey. But they day’s not over yet,” she says with a wink.

 Something in Shawn’s heart flutters.

 “C’mon,” she starts, “let’s go open presents.” 

 -

 An hour and two bags full of wrapping paper later the Mendes’ family is nearly finished unwrapping gifts. Shawn’s eyes glance over to the box sitting snugly on the tree branch. No one has reached for it yet, and as things are winding down he can’t help but stare at it, wanting to know the contents. It’s slightly larger than a ring box, but not enough to put anything substantial in it. 

 “There’s one more for you,” Manny points to the tree. 

 Shawn looks at the box and back to his father and he nods. Standing, he goes to the tree and opens the box with shaky hands. There’s a folded up piece of paper inside and he immediately recognizes her handwriting and that stupid gold pen he always hated. It smeared the edges of her letters, he never thought it would end up being something he missed. Shawn can feel the heat of his family watching him as he reads;

 Shawn,

 It’s been too long since we last spoke and I suppose I owe you a lot. See, time is a funny thing. It feels the most fleeting when you have none of it left and the most crippling when you’re looking down the barrel of forever. I needed time on my own, I needed time with other people. I needed to know that what we had was what my forever was meant to look like and to do that I needed to find out a little more about myself. So, as it turns out I actually DO like cucumbers, riding motorcycles, and being alone. But I still hate tomatoes, unicorns (don’t ask) and being away from you. I’m sorry for the pain that I’ve caused you. I know there’s never going to be a way I can take that away or make it up to you, but I want you to know just how sorry I am.

 Meet me tonight at 6 where we had our first date (yes, the first-first one, not the second-first one, you’ll know what I’m talking about).

 Love, Nicole

 His ears are ringing when he looks up - eyes immediately checking the clock on the wall behind him: 5:55. 

 “Fuck - I gotta go!” 

 Shawn runs to grab his shoes and jacket. It’s faster if he runs, he thinks. It’s not far and his car is packed in with his relatives in the driveway and it would take ten minutes just for everyone to move out of the way. He sets off as the snow starts to pick up, slipping and sliding against the sidewalk pavement, breath coming out in foggy puffs. 

 He runs to the park by the high school. It’s not far, and he thinks he can make it in time. His cheeks are frozen, and snowflakes keep getting stuck in his lashes but Shawn just runs to her. When he rounds the corner to cross he sees her there, sitting on that same old dingy swing set that has somehow (despite looked rotted for at least the last twenty years) has never broken. She’s bundled up in her winter coat, looking down at her boots absentmindedly drawing pictures in the snow with the tip of her shoe. 

 The park had been their halfway point when they were kids; perfectly in the middle of each house when they didn’t want to worry about being around parents. It had been here that they had their first date in sixth grade; a picnic of PB&J’s that ended in an unforecasted rainstorm. She didn’t mind, and they splashed and danced in the puddles and went home a dirty sopping mess and he was sure that was the exact moment he fell in love with her. Even though he wasn’t sure what that meant yet. As all things do when you’re twelve, the relationship ended just as quick as it started and it wasn’t until six years later that things actually became serious.

 But that’s another story for another day.

 He’s not sure what to say when he approaches her. His chest is frozen from heaving in the frigid air and she just looks up from the swing and stares. He’s not sure it was possible for her to get more beautiful, but she somehow managed to. Her cheeks were pinked like his, her hair sprinkled with tiny snowflakes. 

 “I know how much we both love grand romantic gestures,” she laughs.

 Fuck, he never thought he’d hear that laugh again and it literally warms his chest to. 

 “Nicole I -” 

 “Shawn I’m sorry,” she starts, “I have no way to ever make up what I did to you. I just...I got really fucking scared. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with and that terrified me. I didn’t know what it was like to be young and single or do something by myself. So I had to be alone -” 

 “What about that guy? The one you posted a picture with?” Shawn says.

 Nicole slaps her forehead with her palm, “Shawn, Joe is my friend.” 

 He sucks in a breath of air, “oh.” 

 “There was never anyone else,” she pats the empty swing next to her, “there’s never going to be anyone else.”

 Shawn sits beside her, it feels good to be this close again; to see all the little things about her up close that made her, her. All the little things he failed to appreciate before she had gone. 

 “So what does this mean now?” He asks. 

 Nicole reaches for his frozen hand and holds it in her gloved one, “I hope it means you still have that ring -” 

 Before she can finish Shawn pulls the chain of her swing towards him to bring her closer, and kisses her. Her lips are cold and chapped but so are his and there’s a brilliant warmth of familiarity that his bones recognize and he melts into her, wrapping an arm around her middle and holding on like his life depends on it. 

 (It does)

 “So how did you even pull this off? Shawn asks when he pulls away. 

 Nicole smiles, “Karen helped me.” 

 He snorts, “I knew it.”

 The park is so silent Shawn swears he can hear the snowflakes hit the ground, trapped in their own personal snow globe. They sit quiet for a moment, and Shawn is still trying to process what just happened. He can feel her still lingering on his lips; the same sickly sweet lip gloss she always wore. 

 “Do you want to go home?” He asks, looking at her through snow flake lined lashes. 

 Nicole nods, “I’d really love that.” 

 Shawn threads his fingers through hers and they walk hand in hand back to the Mendes household. He feels the gold circular piece of metal against his chest. He’s worn it there for so long he’s forgotten he has it. 

 He stops them in the middle of the sidewalk and bends down onto one knee onto the snow, reaching under his shirt and jacket to snap the engagement ring off the chain he wore around his neck. 

 “Will you marry me...again?” 

 Nicole nods frantically, “yes! Now get up before your jeans get wet.”

 Shawn stands and pulls her into a kiss, threading his fingers through her hair until the both of them are out of breath. 

 “Hey Shawn,” she starts, lips still ghosting against his, “Merry Christmas.” 

 He smiles so hard it hurts his cheeks, “Merry Christmas, my love.”

[shawnpetermuffins]

Fast Healing and Safe Travels

Connor’s backstory for We Were Us (Bonus chapter)

A/n: I wanted to give y’all a reason to root for Connor or Shawn, so here’s Connor’s and I’m working on Shawn’s. 

Summary: There have been many cases where you could have been “more” but these are the ones that stick out the most. 

Warnings: fluff

Word Count: 1.7k

***

You’d been attached at the hip since you were seven years old. Sam takes credit for planting the seed of your relationship. Said if it wasn’t for his fight with Connor that day on the playground (over who got to go down the slide first) you two probably would have never met. And you let him take credit for it because he’s probably right. And on that day, you gained two friends. A good friend, and a best friend. You’d vowed to yourself - even at the oh-so young age of seven - that you were going to take care of that blue eyed boy that was pushed to the ground over a slide. You helped him clean up his scraped palms and - like your mom or dad always did when you got hurt - you kissed them for fast healing. 

But you never expected that the day would come where he would have to take care of you. And you didn’t expect it to happen at the age of fourteen, after the boy you liked stood you up. You hadn’t even told Connor that you were meeting this guy; in fact, he barely knew you liked him at all. So when you called him - while he was at the skate park with Sam and a few of their other friends - crying, he was quick to go find you. The skate park wasn’t far from the ice cream shop you were sitting outside of, and he rushed. Jay walking (running) across the streets when he thought his board wouldn’t get him there fast enough. And his heart broke at the sight of your tear-stained face, mascara a smudged mess on your lower lash line. 

“Y/n, hey. What happened?” he asks, sitting down next to you, immediately wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. 

“Trevor stood me up,” you’d mumbled into his shirt, sniffling and cuddling closer to him. 

“What? Why would he do that?” He doesn’t ask why you didn’t tell him that you were meeting Trevor here. He doesn’t ask why you didn’t even tell him that you liked him. He knew it wasn’t what he needed to be focusing on. Right now his best friend was heart broken in his arms and he needed to focus on making her feel better. Later he could focus on breaking Trevor’s kneecaps, but not now. Not yet. 

“I don’t know,” you sobbed and he swears he can physically feel his heart breaking in half as he pulls you closer. 

“He’s an idiot,” he seethed and he meant it. With everything inside him, he meant it. “No one in their right mind could stand up someone like you. It’s unheard of.”

You scoffed, playing with the chain of his necklace. “Whatever, Brash.”

“I’m serious. He’s crazy for standing you up. Next time I see him, I’m swinging. I swear I am.”

“No you’re not.”

“Says who? He deserves it.”

“Even if he does, you’re not going to fight him.”

“Why not?”

You pull away from his safe arms and look him dead in the eyes, yours still watering. “Because I’m asking you not to.”

He sighs and wipes away your mascara stained tears. “Okay… but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it.”

You laugh and that lets him know that yeah, you’re gonna be just fine. With time. “That makes two of us.”

He stands and holds his hand out to you. “Come on, let me buy you some ice cream. The biggest ice cream sundae they’ve got.”

You smile weakly and take his hand, allowing him to pull you up. You’re about to walk toward the door but he stops you by tugging on your hand. 

“Wait a second,” he says and you face him with a furrowed brow. You don’t even have the chance to process what’s happening until it’s over and he’s pulling away from you, licking his lips which just touched yours for the first time. Your brows are still furrowed when you finally realize what just happened. 

His thumb goes to the crease you’re creating on your forehead and he smooths it out. “You’re gonna get a headache.”

“Connor… you just kissed me.”

"I know… It wasn't bad was it?”

“No!” You rush to say, “No, just unexpected.”

He nods, “Okay. Okay, good.”

“So… why?”

He shrugs, “Fast healing.”

---

“Y/n! Y/n! Y/n! I have news. Like really big news and you’re not going to believe it.” Connor barges into your room, and jumps onto your bed, causing a few of your papers to fly to the floor. 

“What’s going on? I’ve never seen you so excited before.”

“So you know how Sam and I have been working with Madison for a while now?”

You nod, pushing your hair out of your face, “Yeah. What about it?”

“She’s going on tour this summer and she wants me to go with her to do a behind the scenes tour vlog type thing!”

“Oh my gosh! Con, that’s amazing! Did you tell your parents?”

“No, she called me and I came straight here to tell you. Y/n/n, this could jumpstart my career.” he says matter-of-factly, crawling to rest his head in your lap. Instinctively, your hands go to play with his hair. 

“I am so proud of you, bub. You deserve this more than anyone.”

He looks up at you, and his eyes shine a little bit brighter with the light of the setting sun seeping through the blinds. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been so excited for something.”

“You’re gonna do amazing. There’s no way you can’t.”

“So you think I should go then.”

“Of course I do. This is a huge thing for you. People are going to really see your work and they're gonna fall in love with it just like I have.”

“You’ve always been my biggest supporter,” he muses. 

“So how long is the tour?”

“I’d leave the day after school lets out, won’t be back until the week before we start back up.”

“Three months. Wow. That’s a long time.”

“I know. And I know we made plans, midnight movies and photoshoots and road trips, but -”

“Hey, don’t you worry about that. We have plenty of time to do that.” You fiddle with his necklace as you talk, “You are going on this tour and you’re going to have an amazing time. Don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry about you.”

“Well not this summer, Brashier. This summer all you’re going to worry about is lighting and sound, yeah?”

He smiles widely at you. “Yeah.”

---

You didn’t expect it to be so hard watching him go. Of course you were going to miss him, he’s your best friend. And it’s not that you were worried about what he was doing, it was just how long he’d be gone, traveling for months on end. He’s never been too good at paying attention to the world around him and that made you a little nervous because at sixteen - he should know how to take care of himself at least a little bit. But every trip he’s ever taken, you were there with him, looking out for him. You wouldn’t be this time.

“Okay, you’re absolutely sure you have everything you need.”

“Y/n, you triple checked my bag. I’m sure I have everything. If I didn’t you would have told me. I’m gonna be fine. I promise.”

“No, I know. I just -”

“Hey, remember when you told me not to worry about you? Well it’s your turn not to worry about me.”

You glare at him, “It’s not that simple. But nevertheless, I have something for you,” you reach into your bag and pull out a tiny wrapped box. “Just a small going away present so you don’t forget your best friend.”

“Yeah, like I could ever forget you.” he pulls the top off the box to reveal a silver keychain engraved ‘Travel safe. Need you here with me.’

“Y/n.”

“Look, I know you’re not really gonna be driving - thank god because you’re a horrible driver.”

“I am not!”

“How many times have I almost died in a car with you? And you’ve only had your license for six months. But anyway, I just want you to always remember to be safe.”

“Need you here with me?”

“I love Sam, but come on? Do you really think he and I will be able to make it through the summer without almost killing each other at least once a week? You gotta come back to me, Brashier, or I might lose my mind.”

He laughs, “That’s fair.” He closes the box and puts it in his carry-on. “I’ll come back. Of course I will.”

You nod, “You better.”

It’s the longest summer for the both of you. Even though you’re both working, keeping yourselves busy, you both feel like something’s missing. Which of course there is, he’s missing from your side and you from his. 

You can barely contain yourself the day he comes home. You’re rocking back and forth on your feet scanning the airport for that blue-eyed boy you’ve missed so much. 

“Oh my god, y/n. Please stay still,” Sam complains.

You roll your eyes, “I’m excited, fuck off.”

“Y/n!” You hear your name called from about fifty feet in front of you and you catch sight of your best friend. His hair is longer and floppier, but it’s him.

“Connor!” You exclaim and run to him, wrapping yourself around his body, almost knocking him to the ground. “I missed you, bub.”

He grunts, placing you back on the ground. “Missed you too, honey. So much.”

“How was it?” you pull away, fixing the shoulders of his shirt. 

“It was great. I’ve never experienced anything like it. But we can talk about that later. I have something for you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he unzips his bag and pulls out a small ziplock bag. “I would have wrapped it but, you know I suck at that.” he jokes and hands you the bag.

It’s a silver keychain, similar to the one you gave him before he left, but instead of travel safe, it says “Forever safe. I’ll always come home to you.”

“Brash.”

“Just a reminder that you don’t have to worry about me. I promise I’m always coming back, yeah?”

You shake your head, “I missed you so much, Brash. You can’t leave me alone with Sam for this long again.”

He chuckles, “I’ll try not to.”

***

Permanent tag: @soyalimoncada-blog @tinycertain @magcon7280 @daisyangei @devilmendes @babybrash @fallinallincurls @sunrisebrashx @sinceweremutual @myyohmyuohmyy @perfectly-mendess @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @baroness-alison @lostinmendess @linanilssonfurberg @luvluvxx @mariamuses @shawnieeboyy @divinginfearlessly @mendesficsxbombay @shawnsthighs

We were us: @gangofhoes @green-lxght @loveylangdon @mutuallynotmutual

* bold wouldn’t let me tag

[softboywriting]

Building Affection

Summary: Shawn is a successful architect with his own company and at twenty five he’s been called a prodigy in the architecture world but not all is as it seems, and with his skill comes a great deal of inner turmoil. Enter you, an assistant hired by Shawn’s mother to help keep him on track, but you’ll take on much more than just scheduling a few meetings as the two of you get closer day by day and build something even he couldn’t have planned out. 

Word Count: 15.6k

|Masterlist In Bio|

The sound of your heels clicking frantically across the marble floor is deafening. Your legs won't carry you any faster and you're already late. Your interview was at 9am and it's 9:08am.

“Third door on the right,” you mutter to yourself, passing the second door.

The third door is ajar and you take a deep breath, straighten your skirt and push it open with one delicately manicured hand. To your horror you realize that your ring finger nail is broken. Quite literally ripped off across the top. A victim of your piece of shit car, having gotten snagged when you were attempting to free your skirt of the spring that sticks out of the driver's seat.

There is no time to panic now. Your interviewer is sitting before you on a lavish sofa that you could only hope to afford in two of your life times.

“Hello, you must be Mrs. Mendes?”

The well dressed woman stands, extending her hand politely. “Yes, and you're my new client,” she says in a lovely British accent that throws you for a bit of a loop. You hadn't expected it considering where you were.

“I do hope to be.”

Mrs. Mendes smiles and drops your hand in favor of picking up your resume folder on the coffee table beside her. “Oh no, the job is absolutely yours. No other applicants were nearly as qualified.”

“Oh,” you laugh softly “Thank you, I suppose the other applicants must be complete morons then.”

Mrs. Mendes raises her eyebrows.

“No no no, I just mean, this isn't a degree level job or anything. It's fairly straightforward...I-I am making an ass of myself oh my God I’ll shut up.”

You turn away toward the open door, your cheeks bright pink, nearly matching your blouse. Honestly, could you stick your foot any father into your mouth? You were about to reach your knees for Christ's sake.

Mrs. Mendes clears her throat delicately to get your attention. “You can start tomorrow. I'll show you the house and the grounds. My son won't be home for another few days so you will have to meet him on your own unfortunately.”

“Your son? He lives with you?”

“No, no this is his home. I just manage his accounts.”

“Oh, gotcha.” You look around a bit. Never did you think you would be cleaning a home this large, but here you were. “I did have one question for you. In the application it said additional skills required. What exactly are those?”

Mrs. Mendes’ heels click across the hardwood floor of the study you're currently in. “You can cook yes?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“And you can make appointments and schedule meetings?”

“I have done a little bit of that sort of stuff for a friend.”

She smiles and folds her hands in front of her dress. “Perfect, you're going to do great. Now come with me, I'll show you out and give you a copy of Shawn's schedule for the next month.”

“Why would I need-”

“You'll need to travel with him, the schedule is for you to make arrangements to do so.”

“What I-”

Mrs. Mendes walks out of the room and calls out behind her, “Come on, we haven't got all day!”

You hurry after her. Cooking and appointment making? Traveling? What kind of housekeeper were you supposed to be? Were you an assistant now? Whatever. You don't care. This job paid three times more than your last one and with it you could make your rent and help out your parents and little sister. _______________________

The next day goes by in a whirlwind. Karen, Mrs. Mendes, shows you the house and surrounding property. She explains that her son is often too involved in his work to remember to clean and cook and remember appointments. She essentially tells you that you're going be his assistant.  Not exactly what you signed up for but again, the pay was too good to turn down and the job seemed easy enough. Keep this guy alive and on time. Easy.

You head home after the first day with a binder of information about the mansion. Everything is in it from lock codes, cleaning supply locations, emergency numbers, Shawn's allergies, and more. It was insane.

Three days. It's three days of familiarizing yourself with the spacious mansion before you meet Shawn. And meeting him was not exactly what you expected.

You unlock the door that goes into the kitchen from the courtyard. It's your preferred entrance as the key didn't stick as badly as the front door did. You walk in, crisp cool air meeting your flushed face. It had been a warm spring, and you are thankful your job allows you to be in a well temperature controlled home.

You set your purse on the counter and turn around to find a young man about your age, leaning against the kitchen island. He's in a stark white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, dark slacks and wearing a slightly annoyed expression on his gorgeous face. The expression was all too familiar and you know immediately that this is Karen's son, Shawn. They have the same eyes and mouth, and currently he's got it pinched into the same irritated expression that Karen had given you when you locked yourself out on your first day alone.

“Hello.” You smile politely and he frowns, looking down right peeved. Karen warned you about this. She said he would probably be annoyed at your presence, but she insisted that you stay and only she could dismiss you unless you quit.

“Who are you?” Shawn asks curtly.

“I'm your housekeeper? Assistant?”

Shawn's eyebrows go up at that and he leans forward, forearms on the cool marble countertop before him. “A housekeeping assistant huh? And who hired you?”

“Karen Mendes.”

“My mother,” he scoffs, hanging his head and shaking it. “She hired me a damn babysitter.”

You step forward and put your hands on the counter. “I am not a babysitter for your information. I'm here to make your life easier and smoother because apparently you can’t manage it alone.”

“Yeah, uh huh.” Shawn grins in an annoying way. It makes you feel like you aren't worth his time. You can already see he's going to be one of those people.

“Don't get comfortable,” he says sharply and stands to his full height, pulling a sleek black phone from his back pocket. He turns away, striding toward the dining area as he puts the phone to his ear.

You narrow your eyes. If he called the cops you were actually going to have to shiv him or something. You move around the island and grab a glass, filling it with ice from the ice maker on the fridge. Shawn turns and looks at the noise, pointing at you warningly. You raise your eyebrows and cock your head to the side, daring him to stop you.

“Yeah Mom?” Shawn says and turns away from your challenge. “Who is this little girl in my house?”

“I can hear you, and I'm twenty three, almost the same age as you, thanks!” You call out from the island where you've parked yourself on a stool to sip your ice water.

Shawn stalks back into the kitchen area and glares you down. “I don't need an assistant, Mom. No, no I only do that when I'm working on a big project.”

You raise your eyebrows curiously, wondering what he was referring to. He narrows his eyes at you.

“Mom /you're/ my manager. I don't understand why I need her. No. Mom. No. I know you're busy, no I know, but-” Shawn closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Fine, alright. I understand. Okay. I know. Bye Mom. Love you too.”

“Let me guess, she won't let you fire me?” You smirk and he slips his phone into his back pocket.

“Don't bother me and we'll be golden.”

You hop off your seat and stand before him, trying to look threatening and serious but he towers over you. He steps forward, shoulders pulled back, eyes hard set on you.

“I'll bother you if my job requires it.”

Shawn scoff, rolling his eyes and reaching past you to grab a rolled up paper on the counter. “I bet you'll bother me for more than just that. Just stay out of my way,” he says and turns away to stalk down the hall toward the study you'd had your interview in.

As soon as he's out of sight, you turn and lay your head in your arms on the countertop. How could someone so gorgeous be so...so bitter? He had already made up his mind that he hated you the second he saw you. If he was this awful all the time you don't know if this job was worth the pay. Whatever fine. He would come around or you would find a new job. Simple as that.

_______________________

“Shawn!” You call out, fist pounding on the door to his bedroom. It was locked, you had already tried to get in once this morning. “Your flight leaves at noon! Get up!”

There is silence on the other side of the door. You're annoyed. He really was going to make your life hell. As if the last week wasn't enough to make you want to strangle him. He had done everything he could to piss you off. Refused to eat your food. Left a mess everywhere. Wouldn't answer any of your questions. You could be just as obnoxious in return.

You walk down to the kitchen and get the spare set of keys that Karen left for you. It had the exterior door keys as well as the key that opened most all the doors inside. Shawn may think he's being real cute locking you out of his room but he was sorely mistaken. You go back to his bedroom and unlock the door.

Shawn's room is the biggest, no surprise there, and it's very clean despite him not wanting you in there ever. It's all very modernized, sleek but cozy and warm. And right in the middle of the room is Shawn himself, curled up in his bed. He doesn't look like he's awake and you almost wonder if he had been intentionally ignoring you or if he really hadn't woken up.

You circle the bed and look down at him. His face is so soft, a light dusting of stubble on his chin and cheeks, nose and forehead kind of oily with sleep. His hair is a mess, separated and sticking up weird. Nothing like you'd seen it before, always so styled and perfect. He actually looks like someone you would date, someone you could fall in love with. God he was a such a jerk.

“Shawn, you have to get up,” you mutter, shaking his bed, afraid to touch him. “Your flight leaves at noon.”

“Mmm, not yet,” he groans, voice rough with sleep. It sends something though you. A strange thrill. “Ten minutes.”

“No, you're going to be late. Get up.” You tug his blanket away to reveal his bare chest. Gorgeous. Absolutely perfect. You're fucked for him physically but Gods he was annoying socially.

Shawn opens his eyes and glares at you in the cutest and most irritating way. “I don't want to fly today. Cancel my meeting.”

“No. We're going to London. Get up.”

“No.”

You close your eyes and clench your jaw. “Shawn, I'm not doing this today. Get up or I'll pour cold water on you.”

“You don't even have-”

You grab his water bottle and unscrew the cap, holding it over him. He just stares, challenging you to actually do it. You tip the bottle and dribble out water on to his chest. “Get up.”

“For fucks sake!” He yells, scrambling back as the water drips off his chest and onto his bed. “Just go away!”

You pour more, this time on his face. “Up!”

Shawn throws the blankets back and snatches the bottle, placing it aside before crawling off the bed to stands before you. His eyes meet yours and he stands close enough you feel the heat of his body radiating on top you. You're silent, challenging him to do something. He just looks away and crosses the room to his bathroom. You can't help but notice how good his ass looks in his red boxers as your heart beats out of it's chest from the interaction. This job was going to be a mess.

_______________________

The airport is hell but when are airports not hell? Shawn tasks you with carrying all the bags. You're the assistant after all. He was making this even more awful, but you didn't expect any less. Honestly you think he's trying to get you to quit, but you won't.

At the check in desk you hand over the passports and tickets. The clerk checks them and looks up from her computer. “Mr. Mendes you're in first class row A, and you dear are in economy, row F. Correct?”

“What? No, she should be in first class with me.”

“Oh, I'll just check the ticket again...”

You sigh. “No, I booked myself in economy. I figured why waste money on putting me in first class.”

“So you are economy?” The clerk asks, looking confused.

“Yes.”

“No. Is there any seats available for first class?”

“Let me look.” The clerk types away on her computer and after a moment shakes her head. “No, they are all taken sir.”

“It's fine Shawn. I'll fly economy. It's not a big deal. We're both going to be landing in the same place.”

Shawn grumbles and leans on the counter. “Is there another flight leaving soon for London? With two first class seats?”

The clerk types away again and pulls up another flight schedule. “It looks like there is a flight at one this after noon with English Air, boarding in fifteen minutes and there are plenty of first class seats available.”

“Perfect. We'll exchange tickets and I'll cover the difference ” Shawn pulls his wallet out and hands over his credit card.

“What is your problem?”

“What?”

“Your meeting is at six, we will have to literally run from the airport to the building. I don't even know how far it is from the airport. Why can't I fly economy?”

Shawn tucks his card back in his wallet and takes the tickets with a smile before answering you as you head to a gate opposite the one you're near. “Fortunately for you, my mother likes you a great deal. I honestly don't know why, but whatever. If she found out you flew economy she'd wring my neck. Besides, I'd look like a dick if I made my assistant fly economy.”

“Oh, I'm the assistant now? No longer “the pest” who annoys you?”

“Whatever. Hurry up, I want to check in early at the gate.” Shawn says elbowing you to get a move on. It seemed he cared a little bit, maybe just a shred, and he definitely said assistant. Which was unexpected, since he usually just pretended you didn't exist or called you a pest. Progress was small. You would get there. Eventually.

_______________________

The last thing you expect from Shawn is a streak of protectiveness, and directed at you nonetheless. You're at the gate and it's crowded. People are pushy, annoying and hot. They wanna get home or go on vacation. You get it. But what you don't get is how pushy the guy behind you is. He's being a real asshole about your bags, granted they are pretty large, but you don't want to say something and get him riled up then get thrown out of the airport.

Shawn isn't afraid to say something though. After about ten minutes of the guys bitching and moaning, Shawn turns around and says “Listen, if you have a problem with my assistant doing her job then you can fuck off.”

The guy shoves the bags, causing you to stumble back and bit. “Your assistant's bags are all over the fuckin place. Tell her to keep her shit together and maybe I won't have a problem.”

Shawn catches you, arm around your back to steady you. His hand is warm, comfortable on your waist. “You okay hon?” He asks softly and you nod, a bit overwhelmed with the tenderness and slip of the tongue pet name.

“Move! The line is moving!” The guy yells, pointing to the line that has just moved up a foot amid the disagreement.

You look to your left and see security walking over. Two guys in uniform who have noticed the commotion. Great. Now you were probably going to get thrown out and miss your flight.

“Sir, please don't raise your voice,” the officer says to the pushy guy. “What seems to be the issue?”

“Officer, this man is harassing my assistant about our bags. We are just standing in line like everyone else and he seems to think we're somehow holding things up with our luggage,” Shawn explains calmly.

The officer looks to the pushy guy with the most mundane expression. He was clearly tired of petty arguments like this. “Sir, if you can't keep your cool then we'll move you to the back of the line.”

“Well that's bullshit! Why does this guy and his assistant get to stay up here?! They're backing up the line!”

“Sir, everyone in line will get to board the plane. Now please lower your voice since I said to you that-”

“Fuck you mall cop! I ain't movin’ to the back!”

Shawn puts his arm around you and guides you forward with the bags closer to the security gate. “Let's stay out of this now.”

You grip the luggage handles with white knuckles, heart racing with anxiety. People yelling made you nervous. You gladly would have let that guy go in front of you but Shawn had to open his mouth. “What is his problem?”

“No idea. Let the security deal with it.” Shawn looks back and you do too as the security officers walk the pushy guy away from the line. “You'll get used to it. People are going to be assholes everywhere you go.”

“Right...” You step forward and Shawn steadies you with a hand on your back and a quick “Careful now” as you enter the security gate. You push down the butterfly feeling in your stomach. He doesn't like you. He doesn't. He's a jerk remember? Don't fall for a moment of kindness. You're totally misreading this. Yeah. That's it.

_______________________

An hour into the flight and Shawn is out like a light. You were never one to sleep on a plane, though you've only flown a few times. The whole pressure change, being surrounded by strangers and just being in a hunk of metal in the sky put you on edge. First class was different though, much nicer, far cleaner and world's more spacious than economy. That didn't ease the fear of falling out of the sky. At least you'd be falling in style. You snicker at your own joke. If only Shawn would appreciate it.

The attendant comes by and you take a juice and some crackers. She offers a warm blanket for Shawn and you glance over at him. Did he deserve a warm blanket? He was pretty tolerable earlier, and maybe you'd need one some day. Fine. You ask for one and when the attendant brings it, it's like it's dryer fresh. What a luxury.

Shawn stirs, his weird orange glasses shifting on his face as he wedges his cheek into the wall. You hadn't asked what they were for, and honestly you don't think you want to know. At least he didn't pack up the damn breathing machine he used at home. The first time you peeked in his room one morning and saw the glasses and breather combo, you about pissed yourself laughing.

You shake out the small blue blanket and lay it over his lap and chest. He's so big it seems smaller than it should. Maybe you should have asked for two. Oh well. He shifts a bit, mouth falling open and a soft snore comes out. Wow. Millionaire architect at his finest.

You close your eyes and try to rest. There wasn't much else to do. You don't care for the in flight movie and the wifi is working okay but your phone is dying and the charger is in your checked bag. It's fine. A little rest will do you good. After all, as soon as you land the two of you will be rushing to a place called the Calgary Building for Shawn to meet with a client. Hopefully you'll make it on time.

Shawn wakes you up with a hand in your shoulder after what feels like just a few  minutes. You hadn't realized you'd fallen asleep. “Hey, we're landing.”

“Oh. Wow, I was out cold.”

“Yeah.” He puts the blanket over the back of his seat and you look away. He knows you gave it to him, the attendant wouldn't have given it without approval.

The flight lands and the two of you head for baggage claim. Time is ticking and your eyes are glued to your watch. Only an hour until the meeting. Not much time. Finally the bags start coming around the carousel and you grab yours and Shawn's right away. You had thought ahead of time and tied two thin scarves around the handles before you left the mansion.

Ten minutes until meeting time. The back of the cab smells like sour milk. You want to vomit. Shawn is nearly leaned out the window. There is no amount of apologies you can make that will suffice. This cab was closest. You guys had to go fast. Disgusting.

Five minutes. You're clamoring out of the cab, already having slid Shawn's card to pay for the fare. Shawn leaves you, heading into the building while you pull the bags from the too small trunk.

So here you are, like a damn fool, standing in the middle of the Calgary lobby with two suitcases and no clue of your boss’s location. The lobby is huge, sprawling and themed with train memorabilia. It appears Calgary is a train company.

“Ma'am? Can I help you? Are you lost?”

You look to a well dressed young lady who's come around the counter to help you. Obviously you must look like an idiot tourist or something. “Ah, well actually I am looking for my boss. Shawn Mendes?”

“Oh! I see, you must have come from the airport. Right, here. Come store your things behind the desk. I'll show you to the meeting hall.”

“Thank you so much.”

She waves you off with a chuckle. So far the locals were sweet. Lord knows how long that will last though.

_______________________

The meeting was monotonous. Shawn literally just talked and talked and talked about stuff you don't understand. You think maybe you should educate yourself a little on architecture, at least just some basic terms. What you do gather is that the guy he's speaking with is the president of the Calgary company and he wants Shawn to design a massive new train station in south London. After what felt like hours, the men agreed upon something, you had nearly nodded off.

Now you're in a hotel room with Shawn and he's unpacking his bags. You are about to head to your own room next door to lay down and just be alone when Shawn stops you.

“Don't get too comfortable. Mr. Snow invited me to a party at his house tonight. It'll be a great business opportunity here.”

“But...I didn't bring clothes for a party.”

Shawn looks at you with the blankest expression ever. “What did you pack?”

“Work clothes? Pajamas?”

“Oh for fucks sake. Here,” he digs his wallet out of his pocket and hands you his black credit card. “Go get a dress and some accessories. We've got a few hours.”

You look down at your blouse and slacks. Perfectly nice and professional. “What's wrong with this?”

“You look like you're about to bring me coffee and ask if I need anything else.”

“That's basically my job though?”

Shawn presses his card into your hand. “I'm not taking you to this party as a coffee girl in Target special slack and button downs. I have to keep up appearances and you're an extension of me as my guest...as my assistant. So please, get yourself something nice and wear it tonight.”

Your hand closes around the card and you tug it away, glaring at him. Without another word you leave his room and go to yours next door, purposely letting the door close harshly. If he thought that your clothes weren't good enough then he could fuck himself. Coffee girl? You dressed like an assistant. Like a professional woman. Gods he was insufferable.

_______________________

You wait for Shawn in the hall of the hotel, dressed in a black lacy sleeved knee length dress that you found in a consignment shop. You hadn't wanted to spend a bunch, lest he turn it around and take it out of your check or something. You're sure he wouldn't go that far but honestly you wouldn't be surprised.

Shawn opens his door and you're sure he's blown away just as much as you are. He's dressed in a black suit with a royal blue shirt underneath. His hair is extra curly and perfectly tousled. He just...he looks like a model. He's breathtaking and you almost forget how annoying he is.

“You look gorgeous.”

You look down, smoothing your dress down a bit, trying not to freak out externally. “You do too.”

Shawn clears his throat and holds his hand out for you. “Let's go. I've got a car while we're here, I picked it up at the rental place earlier.”

The drive is quiet, Shawn glancing at you every few minutes. You're not sure what the problem is. He just looks over for no reason and then looks back. It's weird.

The party is in full swing when you arrive. Wealthy men and women everywhere. The kind of people you know are rotten to the core, and many who you're sure are not, but definitely looked the part. The moment you're inside, you lose Shawn to a older man in a pink suit. Deciding not to stick around, you head for the bar in what looks to be a parlor or dining room.

An hour later and you've had a glass of rosé and a half a glass of some sort of strawberry vodka and sprite. You're keeping to yourself, mostly just going through stuff on your phone and setting reminders for stuff. That's when Caleb arrives.

Caleb Johnson. Some rich guy who never worked a day in his life and had everything handed to him by his daddy. He slides up to the bar and eyes you up. He looks to be at least five or six years older than you. Honestly you learn everything you need to know when he introduces himself by name followed with, “future president of the Johnson and Johnson company.”

Shawn appears over his shoulder, looking to you, and not paying attention to the woman who is probably discussing something uninteresting. You can't help but feel like he is bothered by the fact Caleb is attempting to chat you up.

You smile and nod, not having heard a single word out of Caleb's mouth, but taking his social cues as he chuckles too. Your eyes stray to Shawn again and this time he is walking toward the bar.

“Can I get you a fresh drink?” Shawn asks, stepping up to your side, hand on your back.

Caleb looks annoyed. “Mendes.”

“Johnson.”

You can feel the tension. You're in the middle and it is practically suffocating you. After the airport incident this morning, you really can't handle anymore conflict. Your emotions had already been jerked around plenty today. “I'm good, thank you though.”

“Are you sure?” Shawn whispers lowly against your ear. “I can make him disappear for you.”

“Mendes, not cool. I was clearly chatting with-”

“My assistant?” Shawn asks with a snarky little chuckle. “Yes, I noticed. However I actually did come over to tell you that Nadine Fitz, the vice president of Calgary, is looking for you. She's in the lounge, I think.”

Caleb grabs his drink and makes himself scarce immediately. Shawn takes his spot and orders half a whiskey on the rocks.

“Thanks? I could have handled it.”

“Yeah well, Caleb is a god damned excuse of a human being. Say one wrong word to that snake and he spreads rumors like wildfire on dry grass. I couldn't have you talk to him.”

You raise your eyebrows. Shawn is clearly lying, his hands are fidgeting with his tumbler, eyes never meeting yours as he explains himself. He was jealous? Of what, you have no idea. Well, you have an idea but it's a far fetched one. Maybe he liked you more than he let on.

“Whatever, anyway, we can leave. I'm not getting any vibes off anyone, and I want to sleep.” Shawn tosses his drink back and looks to you, finally meeting your eyes. “Should I drive?”

“Um...yeah. I've had two drinks.”

“This is all I've had.” He shakes the empty tumbler. “I'll be fine. Let's go.”

_______________________

The rest of the stay in London is fairly uneventful. There's another meeting with Mr. Snow the morning after the party that lasts for a few hours. Shawn had told you that you can just go sight seeing since he won't need you for anything while negotiating the deal. You're more than happy to get away for awhile. Unfortunately you don't know your way around London, you have no idea how long Shawn is going to take, and you don't want to risk getting lost. Sight seeing sounds good in theory but it's just not in the cards for you. Damn. Can't even enjoy your time away because of him.

You end up walking to a park not too far from the Calgary building and taking a seat. It's a lovely day, not too hot and not too chilly. The sun is shining, people are out with their dogs and kids. It's perfect. Fresh air and relaxation.

You have lunch at a cafe, a sandwich and some chips. Which you learn quickly, and honestly you should have known from years of media consumption, that chips are fries here. It didn't matter that much but the moment of surprise when you got french fries and not potato chips was a little amusing. You literally caught yourself in your own ridiculous tourist moment.

Mid lunch you receive a text from Shawn. “Where are you” and for a moment you don't want to respond. It was nice getting paid just to do whatever you liked for a while.

“Cafe around the corner. Red umbrellas out front” you reply and turn your phone on its face.

Sure enough Shawn appears, walking up the sidewalk, rolling his sleeves up as he goes. He sees you at the outdoor table you're sat at and in a surprisingly fluid motion, jumps the low fence that marked off the patio area.

“Thank god you're here.” He sighs, sinking into a chair and tilting his head up to the sun. Those are words you never expected to hear out of him, yet here you are. “I thought I'd never escape that old man.”

“Mr. Snow?”

“Yes.”

“But you were doing business.”

Shawn looks at you and leans on the table, waving to a server to come over. “Yeah, and I told him my ideas, the costs of his project and my cut. I'm firm on my offers, but he just had to keep debating. He even called me stubborn, talking like I was a child at one point because I wouldn't budge on my cut.”

You take a sip of your tea and raise your eyebrows. “You are pretty stubborn.”

He cuts you a glare.

“How'd you get away?”

“I said my assistant was in trouble.” He shrugs and the server takes his order of black tea with sugar and thanks her. “I said I had to leave immediately.”

“Really? So you didn't close on the deal?”

“Oh no, we closed. I rushed him to a decision and left to rescue you.”

“You're the worst.”

Shawn grins and your heart flutters. Why did he look so unfairly handsome? Why was he just...so infuriating? “So, did you enjoy London?”

“Not really. It's been all business.” You finish off your sandwich and dust the crumbs off your hands. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” He takes his tea in it's little brown to go cup and smiles at the server. “We should get back to the hotel. I have plans to draw up and get on paper as soon as we're home tomorrow.”

_______________________

Two weeks later. You're home, have been since London, and Shawn's been working day and night drawing up plans and sketching the new Calgary train station on massive drawing boards. He has his computer and digital boards too but he says he prefers to do it by hand first. You weren't going to argue, hell, you didn't even ask. He just said it one day when you brought him a glass of water.

Monday, the start of the third week at home and you arrive a little later than usual. You go about your usual morning routine, cleaning up the kitchen, making coffee and putting on a pot of tea for Shawn. You head to his bedroom, since he finally started letting you in there to gather up his laundry, and that's when you run smack into him when you open the door.  

He's in just a towel and you quickly realize he has just gotten out of the shower. You hadn't knocked, assuming he was already working in his office. Oh boy, one second later and he would have been butt naked.

“You really should knock.” He chuckles and you try to look everywhere but at his wet chest and...hips and...Gods he looks so fucking good. “I could have been busy in here.”

“Oh my God.” You avert your eyes and tilt your head up. “I do not want to think about that!”

Shawn walks past you to go toward his closet, the smell of his body wash fills your nose and it is just so damn good. “Somehow I think you already have,” he says playfully.

“Absolutely not!” You turn and head back out into the hall. Nope. This was not happening. Flirting was not happening. “I'll be scrubbing my brain of that image in the kitchen!”

“Dirty minds think alike!”

“No they don't!”

Shawn just laughs and that makes your stomach ache with butterflies. He rarely laughed, and laughing and flirting? One two punch for you right there.

_______________________

The days following that flirty run in, Shawn is quiet. He hasn't been making you miserable or even talking to you much really. He's been eating whatever you cook, letting you know when he needed tea, and even thanked you once. You can't help but wonder if the flirting put him in a weird mood, a weird headspace. It surely got you feeling some type of way. Whatever it is, there is something off about Shawn. You notice sometimes he's up before you arrive in the morning, and he's still up when you leave at night. He paces a lot. Talks to himself. You're sure it's just part of his process, but still it seemed a little off. You really hope it isn't your fault somehow.

Friday afternoon you hear him on the phone to someone in the office. He's borderline yelling, seriously upset and you can't help but feel anxious. You wait it out, not daring to approach him until he had remained quiet for at least an hour. It's then you decide to creep in with a cup of hot tea for him.

“I made tea Shawn,” you whisper, setting it at the end of his drawing table. “Earl grey, your favorite.”

He remains silent, pen tapping against the table rapidly, head in his hand.

“I'm going to start lunch, or I can pick something up if you wa-”

“Just go away.”

You step back and he glares up from his work. God he could freeze the entire world with that look. “If you get hungry just-”

“Get out! I don't want any food! Just go do whatever the fuck it is you do when you're not harassing me all the time! You're the exact kind of person I didn't want in my life! Leave me alone!”

You heart stops, stomach sinking as he lays into you wrongfully. You've done nothing but the job his mother hired you for. Tears sting the corners of your eyes. “Fuck you!” you cry out, chest seizing up as your emotions best you. “I've done nothing but my job! I make your appointments, book your flights, schedule your meetings, take your phone calls, clean your house and make you food! Could you for once, just once, not be an insufferable jerk when I'm just doing my job!”

“If you don't like me then quit! I don't want you here anyway!”

“I can't!” Your hands ball up the fabric of your skirt and your shoulders fall, arms shaking. “God I can't! I need the money....I really need the money.”

Shawn falls silent. The two of you stare at each other a moment before you turn and leave, making a beeline straight for the front door. If he wanted you to leave for the day, fine, but you would be back bright and early tomorrow morning. By Gods you would be back. This job paid far more than any you've ever taken and without it you wouldn't be making rent and utilities.

You stomp across the yard to the gates. Your car died last week, motor blew out, so you're heading for the bus stop. Your phone buzzes and you pull it from your pocket and see your sister's name pop up. Not now. You couldn't be reminded of why you needed this job even more, but you are. She had gone into the hospital almost six months ago for a gallbladder attack. They found out her pancreas was failing as well due to a back up of fluid, essentially consuming itself and creating a pouch that burst and caused damage to her stomach and muscle tissue. It's been hell. She's only thirteen and quite literally fighting for her life. Your parents applied for assistance immediately but getting it in this day and age was a struggle. So you send part of your check to them every two weeks to keep them in the tiny apartment they moved into to close to the hospital.

You collapse onto the bus bench at the bottom of the hill that leads up to Shawn's place. Everything sucks. No car. Sick sister. Struggling parents. Boss with weird mood swings. Life fucking sucks.

_______________________

The next day you don't even want to go to work. Your sister had called and talked to you for a little while the night before. She was doing alot better, feeling pretty good lately and her pancreas was healing as well as her damaged tissues. Things were looking really good. You wish you could visit her more often but it was just so hard when you worked six days a week and usually later into the evening and she was so far away. Though Shawn's blow up yesterday was almost the straw that broke the camel's back and you almost wanted to quit. Almost.

You walk up to the house, bag in hand, ready to face down a pissy Shawn. You no sooner get the kitchen door unlocked than you are met with the sight a woman walking out of the front door to your right. You don't recognize her, and she's carrying her shoes in her hand and her clothes are pretty disheveled. She looks over, eyes meeting yours for just a second before she gets into her car.

“Wow Shawn,” you mutter under your breath at the obvious booty call who is pulling out of the driveway in her car. You'd be lying if you said it didn't make you feel just a twinge of jealousy, or perhaps it was just annoyance. Not that you and Shawn were a thing obviously, and really you shouldn't give any fucks after how he acted yesterday. But you still feel uneasy.

You walk into the kitchen and set down your stuff. The coffee pot clicks on right as you get down a couple of mugs. Perfect timing. A noise to your left gets your attention and you see Shawn in his boxers at the fridge. His hair is wet, likely he's just gotten out of the shower. So that's how it was. He has a girl over for a stress fuck, gets up and showers, she sneaks out while he is in there. Or did he tell her to leave and then he showered?

“What?” Shawn asks defensively.

“What? I didn't say anything?”

Shawn closes the fridge and leans against it. “I'm allowed to have people over.”

You let out a chuckle of disbelief. You haven’t said a word to him and he's already trying to lay into you over nothing. “Nobody said you couldn't?”

“I know you're judging me. I can just see it.”

“Shawn.” You fold your arms over your chest. “You're the only one who has a problem with this. I don't care if you have someone over. I don't.” A little bit of a lie but whatever. “It's your business. You're an adult.”

He tries to say something and you hold up your hand to stop him.

“I don't know why you feel the need to defend yourself when I said nothing about it. It seems you feel guilty, but again, not my business. If you want to start shit, start it somewhere else. I have work to do.”

Shawn just stares at you. He doesn't say another word because you're right. You know you're right. He won't admit it though. He grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge and walks off. He's more of a mess than you ever guessed.

_______________________

Shawn hasn't spoken to you since the blow up and one night stand. You go to work, clean, cook and make him tea. You say nothing to him either. Silence was better than yelling. You wouldn't apologize, not that you had anything to apologize for.

Your phone rings while you're at the island in the kitchen going over flight plans for Shawn and yourself. A medical research building is opening in Tokyo that he designed last year.

“Hello?” You ask, unsure who was calling.

The voice on the other end is familiar, it's your landlord, Terry. “I'm just calling to let you know that as of the end of this month the rent will be going up by fifty dollars for everyone. An email and letter will be sent out soon but I thought I'd give you the heads up.”

“What? I can barely afford it now. This is ridiculous. Why wasn't I told earlier?”

“Listen, I don't make the rules. The building is under new ownership. I just found out today too. It's bullshit.”

“I-I can't find a new place in less than a month! Terry, what am I supposed to do?”

“I dunno kid. I'm wondering the same thing myself. I'm a retired teacher, I haven't got it any easier than you.”

“Yeah...thanks.” You hang up and lay your head on your folded arms. Life can't get worse. It just can't. Soon you'll be homeless, or moving into your parents apartment across town. Great. Perfect.

Shawn walks into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. He glances over at you and says nothing. You just ignore him, not daring to make things worse by saying something wrong.

_______________________

Three days later, it is late Sunday night, and you're in Tokyo. Shawn is finally talking to you again but hasn't apologized. Things feel almost normal, in fact Shawn is even being a little more tolerable. He isn't rolling his eyes at everything, eats when you have food for him, he even actually thanked you for making his bed the other day. It seems maybe his blow up gave his conscious a good kick in the pants.

“Two for Mendes.” Shawn says at the hotel counter and the clerk nods.

“Mendes? We tried to contact you. One of your rooms was double booked and since you were the second booking, it was given to the first.”

Your eyes widen and you check your phone for missed calls. Nothing. “I didn't get any messages?”

“I'm so sorry. Would you like to keep the suite that is booked and available?”

Shawn groans, hand going to his hair. “Do you have any other rooms available?”

“No sir. We are by reservation only. Our hotel is exclusive and we cannot open up a room without a cancellation.”

“But your company double booked us. How is that our fault? Shouldn't you take care of us?”

The clerk sighs softly. “Sir, the rooms are full. We can offer a complimentary room for the future and return your deposit for the inconvenience.”

“Shawn, it's okay. I'll just stay at another hotel.”

“No, you won't.” Shawn takes the keycard on the counter for his suite. “We'll share a suite. It's big enough for two people.”

“Alright, your suite is room 250 on the top floor. We’ll credit your account for the other room. Have a wonderful stay.”

“Thank you,” you say softly to the clerk as Shawn moves around you, dragging his suitcase behind him toward the elevators. “Why can't I get another hotel?”

“Because I need you to be where I can get to you at any time if I need something.”

“Really? Because nine out of ten times you have no interest in my help.”

Shawn leans his head against the elevator wall. “I just... I'm adjusting to this still. Please, I don't want to argue.”

“Uh huh.”

“So anyway. You can stay with me in the suite.”

“Gonna bring any girls to the room?”

He cuts you a glare and you pretend not to notice.

“I won't be a third wheel. And I'm not into threesomes.”

“Believe me, that is never going to happen. The only girl in the suite will be you.”

The doors open and you make your way to the end of the hall. Shawn opens the door and inside is a massive sprawling suite that's more like a penthouse than a hotel room. It's definitely worth the cost, absolutely stunning with a breathtaking view of the city. There is a big bed in the center, attached full kitchen, bathroom, closets, lounge area with two sofas. Complete luxury.

Two hours later and you're curled up on the couch, staring at the digital clock on the stove in the kitchen. Nearly four in the morning. You can't sleep. Shawn is snoring and the couch, while fairly soft, is killing your back. You're also cold but you don't want to mess with the thermostat because Shawn likes to sleep cold and he is also hogging the majority of the blankets.

You get up and go to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab some water so you can go sit on the couch and flip through your social media. You try not to think about the grand opening tomorrow, it's at noon and you're grateful because you would be dead on your feet if it was early morning.

“What're you doing?” Shawn groans and you look over to the bed where he's sat up. The light of the city below illuminates his bare chest in soft blue and pink lights. “Why aren't you asleep?”

“I can't sleep. The couch sucks. It's fine, I'll pass out eventually.”

Shawn pulls the blankets back on the side opposite him. “This bed is big enough for two. It's a king. Just sleep with me.”

“I don't think I should. I'll probably keep you awake.”

“Come on, it's just a bed. I'm not going to bite your head off. Besides, I'm a heavy sleeper and I won't notice you're there.”

You get up and go to the side of the bed. It is quite large. You could stick to the very edge and never touch Shawn. It's tempting. There's just something so very intimate about sharing a bed with someone, specially someone you're familiar with. You needed sleep though, and that couch was not going to give it to you. But this is Shawn. Your boss whom you already have conflicting feelings for, who may or may not have similarly conflicting feelings.

“Yes or no?” he asks softly, looking over at you with the pink and blue lights casting shadows on his face that highlight every angle. He's beautiful, even in the darkened room.

“Yes, fine.” Your resolve crumbles and you sink into the bed on one knee as you crawl under the blankets. It's super soft and plush, a pillow top no doubt. “Good night Shawn.”

“Yeah. Good night.” He sinks back down, turning his back to you as he goes to sleep on his side.

Morning. Sunshine streams through the picture windows behind you. The bed is warm, soft and clean smelling. There is a comfortable weight around your chest and warmth along your back. It feels so good to be held just like a dream. Wait. This isn't a dream.

Shawn's breath tickles your neck and you feel a chill run down your spine. He's wrapped around you, arm under your arm and across your stomach. Legs tangled with yours, chest and waist to your back. His breathing is soft, shallow and sleepy.  

“Don't go,” he murmurs when you try to slide from his grasp. “Not yet. I need you.”

“Shawn, you can't be cuddling me. You're not awake. You...you can’t.”

Shawn strirs, body shifting against yours and his dick presses against your lower back through his boxers. Before you can process how to react, he freezes, the situation going from sleepy cuddling to tense. “Fuck,” he whispers and rolls away. He gets up on his side and goes to the bathroom, not once looking back to you.

You're left there wondering what was going through his head. Hell, you don't know what's going through yours. He's so wishy washy you can't figure him out. One minute he loathes your existence. The next he's somewhat caring and interested in talking to you, even defending you. Then he's flirting, quiet, sleeping with a booty call. Then flip back to him losing his temper and saying how annoying you are then giving you silent treatment for days. And now, he was offering up his bed, sharing his suite, cuddling you like it was no big deal. What did he want from you? Why couldn't he just treat you like his friend or even just his assistant? The two of you were obviously stuck together, it's been a two and a half months now. You're not going anywhere, and neither was your relationship with him. Not without a discussion about how you felt, professional or personally.

_______________________

Shawn refuses to acknowledge the morning cuddling. He absolutely refuses and it's so annoying. You tried to casually bring it up over breakfast. You tried to slip it in on the car ride to the grand opening of the Tokyo Children's Hospital Cancer Research Building. He won't talk about it. You're pissed.

The grand opening goes off without a hitch. You find out Shawn donated most of his profits on this project back to the hospital that has made groundbreaking achievements in child specific cancers. You're by his side at the ribbon cutting, the photos for the press, everything. You had tried to leave and go take a seat off to the side but Shawn just kept touching your back every time you tried to get too far, encouraging you to stay, muttering that he needs you. It is too weird. You want answers.

The grand opening ends and the party for donors, hospital CEOs, doctors, and other people of importance follows immediately. You find yourself in your usual spot now at these sort of functions. The bar. Sitting alone and staying out of the way until Shawn was ready to leave.

“Hey, you're Mr. Mendes’ assistant right?” A young lady about your age asks as she takes a seat next to you.

“Yeah?”

“How's it going? Like, I've heard his Mom tried getting him an assistant before and he ran her off.”

You chuckle. Someone else in the world had been in the same boat as you. Comforting but also unnerving. “He's...alright. He has his days, but we  all do.”

“He's handsome as hell, I'll give him that. Obviously generous with how he donated almost everything to this project. But his attitude leaves something to be desired. I've heard he's a real piece of work, like a real asshole. What is it about having status that makes people such jerks?”

“I don't know but you're awfully bold to be talking bad about my boss to my face. Take your petty drama else where.” You grab your purse and stand up, leaving your drink at the bar. You have no idea why you're defending Shawn. Sure, you could call him a jerk and think he was a pain in the ass. But other people, people who don't know him, that made you feel a little irritated. Maybe it was the cuddling this morning. Maybe it was finding out he donated his profits to the hospital. Whatever it was, you felt soft for him and you just...can't.

Shawn grabs your arm as you pass him to go sit elsewhere. “Hey, I need to ask you a favor.”

“What? Do you want to leave?”

“No, not yet. But there's someone here who I cannot stand. That woman over there,” he points out a tall blonde lady with the ugliest pantsuit on that you have ever seen. “Is my ex girlfriend.”

“Oh. Great. And as your assistant what am I supposed to do? Make her leave you alone?”

The lady breaks away from the group she is talking to and heads for the two of you. You can tell she sees Shawn, and that's who she's headed for. She looks mean. You wonder what on earth Shawn ever saw in her.

“Do you trust me?” Shawn asks suddenly.

“I don't kn-”

Shawn grabs your face and kisses you softly. “Trust me. Please. Pretend to be my girlfriend.” He leans in for another kiss and you put your arms around his back, melting into him, your brain going to absolute mush. The kiss is heated, far too real and you bite at his lip. He moans into your mouth and you find yourself getting seriously turned on.

“Shawn?”

You open your eyes and look over, reluctant to break away. His ex is standing there, arms crossed watching you like a hawk. What a weirdo.

Shawn draws out the kiss, taking his time breaking away and when he does he gives you a look for a moment, just a split second, his eyes locked on yours. It's such a loaded look that you can't begin to decipher what it meant. Was he acting? Did he feel what you felt?

“Wendy.” Shawn says, eyes cutting to his ex, voice laced with anger that his spur of the moment plan didn't pan out. “How nice to see you.”

Wendy smiles venomously. “You must be pretty drunk already if you're making out with your assistant.”

“Assistant?” Shawn chuckles coolly. “No, this is my fiance.”

Your heart stops and you feel Shawn's hand on your back, gripping onto your side. He wants you to play along. There was only so much playing along you could do before it felt too real. Shit. It was already tearing you up inside. “I don't believe we've met,” you get out, offering a hand to Wendy.

Wendy takes your hand limply and resumes her crossed arm position. “I'm Wendy Bast, Shawn's ex girlfriend. Frankly I'm shocked you're his fiance. Shawn was always so busy with work to give any time to our relationship. How's his anxiety by the way? Is he still too in his head to focus on anything but work? Freaking out over tiny things? Does he eat these days? He must, he looks good.”

“Wendy.” Shawn all but growls her name. “It was great seeing you.” He pulls you away, leading you towards the exit.

You pull away from Shawn once you're outside. “What is she talking about?”

“Who? Wendy?”

“Yes, Wendy. Why didn't you tell me you have anxiety?”

Shawn rolls his eyes. “Its none of your business that's why.”

“It is! If I had known...”

“What? You were going to fix it? No one is going to fix it. It is what it is. If you can't deal with it then quit.”

You open your mouth to argue but decide against it. You just turn and walk down the steps toward the valet. There he goes again, turning back into a jerk. You need a new job. This is too much. Too personal, too stressful, too emotional. You're getting feelings for him but you shouldn't. Everything says you shouldn't, and yet here you are angry at him again but feeling sorry for him because you had no idea he suffered with anxiety and it would explain so much since you met him. So much.

_______________________

“Karen? Yeah it's me, I'd like to put my two weeks in.”

“What's happened? I thought things were going well. Did Shawn do something?”

You stare up at the ceiling of what is your temporary bedroom. You had moved into your parents apartment nearly an hour away from Shawn's house. It was the only place you had to go with the rent going up at your apartment building. “Shawn is just too much for me to handle. He doesn't want me around and it's too...” Too personal? Too emotionally involved? Do you dare tell her that? “It’s too hard to keep going like this. I'm so sorry Karen.”

“I'm a little confused. I thought Shawn liked you. He has never said a bad word about you, in fact he always seems to say how much he needs and likes you. Are you sure?”

“Are we talking about the same person?”

“Yes?”

You get up and grab your laptop, suddenly remembering that Shawn has a video call meeting tomorrow with Mr. Snow. You want to make sure you know the exact time so you can take the bus route accordingly. “Shawn must be telling you what you want to hear because he is... difficult around me usually.”

Karen chuckles. “That wouldn't surprise me. He learned to sweet talk me very early in life. So, tell me what's been going on. I can talk to him.”

You explain the blow up a week ago, his behaviors that make you feel like you aren't doing well enough and making your job difficult. You tell her how he is up and down and sometimes he doesn't seem to mind that you're around, and other times it's like he wants you gone forever. And when you get to the recap of the grand opening party, you leave out the kiss but mention his ex and how you found out about his anxiety and how he reacted to that.  

“I've been trying to get him to go to therapy and see a doctor for years. It seems he's gotten worse. I'll talk to him. I'm so sorry for his behavior, if you can please stay a bit longer I'll begin looking for another assistant for him. I'll even recommend you to a few friends who are looking for extra help.”

Your heart aches. Yes, you had just said you want to put in your two weeks, but that meant actually leaving Shawn there. That meant someone else trying to work with him and his anxiety, someone new who would make it worse. It wasn't fair for you to want to quit on him like this, you don't think this should be the end. Maybe he would see a therapist, maybe this could be a better relationship. Maybe...you could get to know the real Shawn, and if you just gave up on him, you might never know.

“Karen?”

“Yes?”

“I revoke my two weeks. If you can get him to agree to see someone about the anxiety I think it will help. I know that Shawn isn't always a jerk. I know he is good, deep down in there somewhere. I want to give it a chance.”

“Thank you, and really, I think he does like you. Honestly he talks about you very kindly when he calls me.”

“Yeah...thank you. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

_______________________

The bus is late. Delayed due weather. There's a storm thrashing against the walls of the bus stop, water rushing down the sidewalk and soaking your feet. You're going to be late. The ride was an hour and half with stops. You've already lost twenty minutes. You have to be at Shawn's to make sure he's awake and get him set up on the laptop for his meeting with Mr. Snow. Sure you can contact him but he doesn't always get up when you call or text.

The bus arrives half an hour late. You text Shawn, call twice, but he doesn't call back. You don't have Mr. Snow's number and it's not like he would reschedule an hour and a half before the meeting. Every second that inches by as you creep toward the next town over takes a piece of your soul.

The bus arrives at the bottom of Shawn's street and you run up the road, sloshing through the river of water streaming down it. The meeting is in five minutes.

You fight your key into the sticky door lock of the front door, drop your bag and grab Shawn's laptop off the charger in the living room. You make a beeline for his bedroom, praying you end up seeing him on the way. You don't.

His room is open, unlocked thankfully, and you barrel in, wet footsteps squelching all over the place. “Shawn wake up!”

He startles, looking around for something to be wrong. He's wearing a shirt so you won't have to dress him before you throw the laptop on his legs. “What? What happened?”

“You have a meeting with Mr. Snow right now.” You open the laptop and bring up Skype. There is one missed call and you already know it was Mr. Snow. You select the contact and call back.

“What the fuck?” Shawn grumbles as he sits up and the computer chimes until Mr. Snow appears on screen.

“Mr. Mendes, good morning!”

Shawn's eyes widen and he runs a hand over his hair, glaring to where you're standing and soaking his floor with your wet clothes. “Good afternoon to you right?”

The older man chuckles. “Yes. It's not too early is it? Your assistant said this would be a fine time to go over your plans so far.”

“Of course. I apologize if I seem I've just woken up. It was a long night of drafting.”

You mouth an apology and slink out of the room to go change clothes. You hadn't packed any extra so you'll have to scour Shawn's laundry for something to borrow and hope he doesn't notice. Except he totally would because you always dress fairly professionally and a t-shirt and whatever bottoms you can find will be out of the ordinary. If you're lucky, you can get your clothes into the dryer and out before he finishes his call.

Twenty minutes and one dry outfit later, and it's like the rain never happened. You go to the kitchen to start some food when Shawn comes in, still in his pajamas and lays the laptop on the kitchen island with more force than necessary.

“You think waking me up with zero notice to Skype call my client is a good idea?”

Here it comes. Hurricane Mendes. “I didn't intend to do it that way. I was late and in a hurry. I didn't want you to miss the call and-”

“And seem completely unprofessional? But waking me up and shoving the laptop at me while I'm in my pajamas isn't?”

“Shawn, I'm sorry. Like I said I was late because the bus-”

“The bus?” Shawn crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at you. “You take the bus?”

“Well, yeah. My car died a while back. I wouldn't have been late but it's an hour and a half ride from my parents apartment.”

“Hold on, what? You're living with your parents? What happened to your place?”

You sigh heavily. “I couldn’t afford the rent anymore, and I don't have a car to sleep in so yeah, I went to my parents okay?”

“But I raised your pay, I don't-”

“What?”

Shawn rubs the back of his neck and looks down. You don't think you've ever seen him this vulnerable, well, not since the kiss. “I overheard your conversation with someone about your rent a few weeks ago. I discussed raising your salary  with my mom to help you out. You didn't notice?”

You lean against the counter and stare at him dumbfounded. “I...didn't. I was probably already out of the apartment by the time I got my next paycheck.” You shake your head. “Why Shawn? Why would you do that for me?”

He shrugs. “You're my assistant. I...I thought it would be appropriate since you do so much for me.”

“I just do my job.”

“Yeah well...just don't wake me up for anymore surprise meetings please.”

“Promise I won't.”

Shawn chuckles and walks around to get a cup of coffee from the pot beside you. “Thanks...and you look good today. Your skirt is nice.”

Such a small compliment but it held so much power. You can't help but smile just a tiny bit when he turns his back to go to his office. It was your favorite skirt after all.

_______________________

Three weeks later and you are in an apartment close to Shawn's place with his help. He knows the owner and negotiated a deal with him to lease you a condo. It's less than the rent of your last building and you know it's only because of Shawn's connections. You're grateful though because you actually have a little extra left over at the end of the pay week and soon you'll get another car. It's nice. Things are looking up. You even receive an offer for another job, an assistant for a lady in town who owns a hotel chain, you had met her at a party with Shawn a while back. She was a friend of his mom's. She offers you a car for work, rent free housing at one of her hotels, medical benefits, and a pay raise. It's an amazing offer but you aren't sure it feels right.  

You walk in the kitchen door to find Shawn with his head on the counter one morning. It's unlike him to be up when you get there. “Shawn? What's up?”

“I haven't slept.”

“What? Why?” You go over to him and set your bag on the counter. He looks up, eyes red with dark circles to compliment them.

“I went to therapy yesterday, remember?” You nod. “Well, I got to thinking about what she said. I think...I think being alone makes it worse. Because when you're here, I don't feel so anxious and down anymore.”

“Oh. Well, I'm here now. Do you want to sleep? I can change your bedding if you want.”

Shawn slides off his stool and stands before you. “Can you...can you lay with me?”

Your heart aches at his plea. Therapy must really be helping. It's only his fifth session, but he was already opening up to you like this. “Are you sure? I won't be bothering you?”

“My therapist said that contact could help, and meditation since I don't want to do the medicine yet. I tried meditating but...anyway I don't really trust or have anyone else and I...I trust you. I want you to lay with me. Please?”

You nod and follow Shawn to his room and he gets on his bed, pushing the blankets back for you. This would definitely be a first. Well. Not the first time you've been in a bed together but the first time he has asked for your company. You kick off your shoes and get in, laying right beside him and he settles himself down too.

“Thank you.” He bumps his hand against you and you let him slide his fingers between yours. “Thanks for not giving up on me.”

Your heart is racing, brain trying to comprehend what is going on here. Who was this? Where did the Shawn you knew go? What was this soft pile of flushed cheeks and messy curls beside you? Surely it couldn't be your Shawn, or was it the real Shawn?

“You should have told me about the anxiety sooner. I know it's not that big of a deal to you but it is.”

“You're right. I was mean to you because I didn't want you to find out about it. I didn't want anyone to know I struggled with it. But it got so bad that I wasn't sleeping, I was constantly in my head and so freaked out about my work that I couldn't focus.” He squeezes your hand. “I'm sorry that I lashed out on you that day about lunch. And I'm sorry I tried to start a fight over the woman I had over that night. I shouldn't have had her come by but I did. I know it's been a while, but it's been haunting me ever since. I'm so sorry.”

“Thank you. That's all I ever wanted to hear.”

Shawn rolls on to his side and looks at you softly. “I'd like to start over. I know the last few months can't be erased, but I'd like to make it up to you. I want to show you that I'm not always a jerk.”

“I know you aren't always a jerk.” You roll to face him on your side as well. “But we can still start over if you like. I'd love to meet the real Shawn.”

He smiles, big and sleepily. He puts his hand up, palm flat for you and you put your hand against his. “Hi, I'm Shawn, and you have pretty hair,” he chuckles and you giggle.

“Thank you. It's nice to meet you Shawn. You have beautiful eyes.”

Shawn threads his fingers between yours once more and just smiles at you like you are the whole world.

_______________________

Getting to know Shawn is incredible. He's funny, smart, and just flat out goofy. He's nothing like he had let on. Yes he takes his work seriously, and with you there to take off some of the stress by distracting him when he gets overwhelmed, he's doing better than ever. His therapist recommended that he open up to you, that he chooses someone close to trust and be completely honest with about how he was feeling, and he chose you. So far it has been great and he even asks you to stay later sometimes, just to talk with him. He usually falls asleep but that's okay, you don't mind one bit.

“When is our flight to London?” Shawn asks, looking up from his drawing board as you walk in with some lunch one day. The ground breaking ceremony for the new Calgary station is next week.

“Thursday next week.”

“Can we make it Monday?”

You set the plate of food down and pull out your phone. “I'm sure I can change flights. What's wrong with Thursday?”

“I want to spend a little extra time there before the groundbreaking.” He looks back down and sketches something out real quick. “I just want to relax a little.”

“In London?”

“Yeah.” He looks back up with a smile. “I want to show you around the city. We always go somewhere and it's just business. You should get to experience places.”

“That's not necessary. I'm just your assistant, business trips are exactly that, business. I don't expect to get to see the sites at the places we go.”

Shawn stands and comes around the table. He grabs your upper arms and squeezes gently. It's his version of a hug lately. His therapist has been challenging him to be more physically open with those he cares about and he's definitely taken a liking to it. “I know you don't expect it.  I want you to experience the places we go. I want you to have a good time.”

“Alright, alright. You're the boss. Monday it is. Bright and early.”

“Perfect.” He grabs his lunch plate and gestures to the door. “Let's eat lunch outside, together.”

_______________________

Panic sets in when you get separated from Shawn at the airport. He was going to wait for you while you got your overhead bag repacked. It had burst it's zipper during the flight and several things went all over when you opened the compartment. You told Shawn to go ahead, you would meet him at the baggage claim.

Now you're at the baggage claim and he's nowhere in sight. Your first thought was that he had already collected his bag and headed to the pick up lane outside. That is quickly ruled out when you see your bag go by and his following close after. You gather both and do a quick walk up and down the baggage lanes for your terminal. No luck.

You try your phone but the service in the airport sucks. You have no idea where he could have gotten off to. Finally you decide to head to the security office to see if they can page him or something.

You lug your huge suitcases down the main strip of the airport, passing every shop on the way just to get to the security office. The whole time keeping your eyes peeled for the giant man you traveled with. Seriously. It'd be hard to miss Shawn here. He was so much bigger than almost everyone.

Just as you pass the baggage claim for the second terminal you see him. He's leaned against the wall, eyes glued to his phone.

“Shawn!” You call out, jumping a little to get his attention. “Shawn Mendes!”

He looks up, eyes snapping to you and even at a distance you can see him relax. He walks toward you briskly and when he gets to you, his arms are wrapped around you.

“I thought you were gone.” He mumbles into your hair. “I thought the worst possible thing happened and you got taken or something.”

You wrap your arms around his back. He's a little shaky and you rub up and down a bit. “I said meet me at the baggage claim? Why did you come down here?”

“I thought the board said claim 19. I wanted to ask for help but I couldn't remember the fight number or anything after I realized it was the wrong place. God I'm so sorry.” He pulls back and runs a hand over his hair. He doesn't look fully settled down yet.

You touch his arm, guiding your fingers up the back gently and he takes a deep breath. “It's okay. I was going to have security page you, we would have found each other.”

“I know. I just got freaked out and you know...my brain started jumping to conclusions.”

“It's okay. No problem. It's all good now. Let's go get a taxi and check in at our hotel.”

He nods. “Yeah. I wanna take you to a really good place for lunch. There's one not too far from the hotel I think.”

_______________________

For three days you and Shawn explore London together. He takes you everywhere, showing you everything. The two of you take pictures at the royal palace. You ride a double decker bus. You walk around and shop a bit, trying on dresses you could never dream of affording. He actually buys you two of them that he really likes. You had no idea until you were walking out and the cashier brought you your bags.

Your favorite part of the three days is when he takes you to a park and the two of you run the length of it in a race. He had challenged you, saying that your little legs could never out run him. Of course you had to take him on. You lost. No surprise, his legs are miles longer than yours. But it was fun. Seeing him laughing, flushed and happy was something you would never get tired of. It was the moment you let him roll you over in the grass, the sun shining in his hazel eyes, you realized that you were gone for him. Completely in love with the man he's become.

It's Friday night and you're getting ready in your room. Tonight is the ground breaking ceremony on the new train station and you know Shawn is anxious, having taken one of the medications that his doctor prescribed for just such occasions. Someone knocks on your door, startling you as you step into your dress that Shawn bought.

“Yeah? What do you need?” You call through the door.

“What dress are you wearing?” It's Shawn.

“The blue one.”

There's a pause. “Can you wear the red one?”

“Why?”

“I don't have anything to match the blue.”

“Oh.” You turn and go over to the bed where you have a red and black dress laid. You step out of the blue and pull the red one on.

You go to the door and open it to find Shawn in his black suit with a red undershirt that's the same color as your dress. “Can you zip me?” You ask, turning your back to him.

Shawn lays one shaky hand on your shoulder to hold the top of the dress as he zips up your back. He slides his hands down your back and over your sides, smoothing the dress over your hips slowly. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you.” You turn, heat burning over your cheeks as you straighten his collar a bit. “You aren't too bad yourself.”

“You're too sweet.”

“Yeah well...” You fluff his curls a bit, fingers in his hair and wiggling gently against his scalp. “One of us has to be.”

Shawn looks at you softly, eyes locked on yours like they had been after the kiss a while back. He takes a deep breath and smiles. “I'm glad it's you.”

You pat his chest. “Let's get going. We don't want to be late.”

_______________________

Parties. You're sick of them. It seemed every time you had to travel there was some event that included a party or an after party. The groundbreaking is no exception. But this time, it is a bit different. Shawn doesn't leave your side. He keeps his arm around you, as if he's afraid you'll drift away. You wonder if he is feeling okay. He doesn't seem to be acting strange or anything.

“Well well well. If it isn't Shawn Mendes.”

You turn and look behind you where the voice had come from. Sure enough it's Wendy Bast. You never caught exactly what she did for a living, and you can't help but wonder why she is there.

Shawn turns as well and smiles at her. “Wendy, hello. What brings you to this party?”

“Oh you know, Mr. Snow is in need of a financial advisor. Rodger Tate is retiring soon and I'd love to make Calgary a client.”

“So you're here to snake your way into another company. Lovely.”

Wendy frowns, well, more of sneers. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Please. I know you tried to get in with my mother to control my finances. You think she didn't tell me about all the shit you spewed to her?”

“That's rich, coming from a man who is fucking his assistant.” Wendy looks to you. “What do you get out of it honey? A little extra money? Gifts?”

“Leave her out of this. You have no room to talk about anyone's relationship. You've done nothing but sleep your way to the top. You tried to play me for my money, don't act like you didn't. You had no interest in a real relationship with me so I can't fathom why you keep sticking your nose into my life.”

Wendy rolls her eyes, looking to you again. “Can't speak for yourself? Going to let Shawn defend you forever?”

“Oh I can speak. I just don't like talking to people who are irrelevant and I don't generally associate with yesterday's news.” You smile oh so sweetly and Wendy looks like she's ready to kill.

“Cute.” Wendy smiles at the both of you. “You’re just like him.”

“An honest hard working person who works towards being a better version of myself every day? Of course I'm just like him. I can see you probably haven't changed a bit from when you were with him though...how many years ago?”

Shawn raises his eyebrows and just gawks at you.

Wendy dismisses you with a wave of her hand as she turns away and wanders off to the other side of the ballroom.

“I don't think I've ever seen someone stand up to her like that. I mean I have always served her shit right back to her but wow.” Shawn beams at you.

“I don't get what her issue is. Whether we are together or not, if I am your assistant or fiance, it doesn't matter. It's none of her business.” You cup his face and he flushes. “She doesn't even know this Shawn right here, and she never will.”

Shawn puts his hands on your waist and pulls you against him with a gentle tug. Your arms go slack, hands sliding down to lay on his chest. He's beautiful. His eyes are so soft and bright, not tired like they had always been. He looks healthy, glowing even. He had made a total 180 with himself and you couldn't be happier. You knew he had it in him.

“I'm proud of you,” you whisper as he begins swaying to the soft music playing from the small band set up with a piano in the corner of the ballroom. “You’re making incredible progress.”

“It's all thanks to you. If you had never stayed, I never would have gotten to know you. I wouldn't have wanted to change.” He strokes his thumb back and forth across your hip. “I've never wanted anyone in my life more than I've wanted you.”

“Shawn,” you duck your head, looking down to the shoes of the woman next to you. Heat creeps up your neck and into your cheeks. “That's something pretty deep to say to your assistant.”

He tilts your head back up, fingers guiding your chin to look at him. “What if you weren't just my assistant?”

“I-I would have to think about that.”

“I understand.” He hums softly. “Business and pleasure don't always mix. I don't guarantee it will, but I'd like to give it a try if you're up for it one day. I think we've already started building something beautiful.”

“We'll see.” You smile, butterflies in your stomach. Of course you'd like to be more than his assistant. He's incredible. The two of you got off to a rough start, but even then you couldn't deny your attraction, though before it was more physical. But mixing business with pleasure could prove to be a problem. You would have to see how it panned out, but you're sure it was going to end up being a good mix.

_______________________

A few days later and you're back home. Things have become more familiar between you and Shawn. He'll lay his hand on your back when he's nearby and he cooks with you. You'll find yourself lingering as you leave, almost wanting him to ask you to stay over. He stares at you when he thinks you aren't looking, as if he is completely perplexed by everything you do. You find yourself doing the same. Watching him work is exciting, the way his brain just sees designs intrigues you. You are comfortable, happy exploring what could possibly be with him.

But just as things begin to look up, you get a phone call. Shawn is away at therapy and you are cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast. Your phone rings and you don't recognize the number but decide to answer anyways.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Mary Risinger,” the lady on the other end says as she explains she had sent you the email about hiring you as her assistant. It's then you realize you never sent one back declining or accepting.

“Yes, I did review your offer. I'm currently pretty happy with Shawn. Thank you so much.”

You set the phone down and put it on speaker so you can shut off the water you're running in the sink to wash a few dishes. “Are you sure? I can offer free housing for you and your family if you like. I'll even provide a car for your business and personal use.”

“Can I ask why you are so interested in me?”

“Karen Mendes recommended you. She says you've been amazing for Shawn but you were possibly looking to find another client.”

The phone call about your two weeks notice. You rescinded it but she must have mentioned it to Mary in passing. “Oh. Things have changed, I'm no longer looking for a new job. I'm so sorry.”

“Alright, but my offer is on the table. I'll hold up to my word in the email. Housing, car, medical insurance and competitive pay.”

“Thank you for your consideration.”

“You have my number, keep me in mind. Have a great day!”

“You too.” You turn around to grab your phone and Shawn is standing there. Your heart sinks, stomach churning. “Shawn, you're home early.”

“You're not leaving are you?”

“What do you mean?”

Shawn looks to your phone. “The call. That was a job offer. I'll double it, I'll match anything they're offering you.”

“Shawn, listen I'm-”

He steps forward, eyes locked on yours. “Please, I can't lose you. I'll do whatever I have to. I need you, I love you, please!”

You fall silent, staring at him over the island. The sound of birds outside can be heard through the open window. You aren't sure where to start unpacking that last bit.

“Say something.”

“You love me?”

Shawn turns bright red. He walks around the island to stand before you. “I-” he clears his throat and looks away, to something behind you, as if looking straight at you was too difficult. “I didn't...I... I'm sorry. Therapy was hard today and I just-”

“Shawn.” You hold his face between your hands and make him look at you. “Do you love me?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.” He puts his hands on your waist. “You've been here for me since day one. You've helped me more than you'll ever know. You're patient and understanding and I'm so incredibly lucky to have you in my life. I need you, I want you.” He leans his cheek into your hand. “Please don't leave. Let me show you how much you mean to me.”

You can't help the tears that spill over and down your cheeks. “I'm not leaving. I told her I'm happy with you. I don't want to work for anyone else. I've become completely attached to you and I can't imagine being anywhere but here with you every day.”

Shawn leans in, pressing his forehead to yours and you let your hand drop to his chest. “I have fallen so completely in love with you. You stole my heart the day you walked in.”

“You grew on me, and when you showed me you were willing to change, to get better, I knew you were going to be someone I would like to get to know. When you began opening up to me, I think that's what sealed the deal. The day at the park in London...I...I realized I never wanted to be anywhere but by your side.”

Shawn tilts his head forward and kisses you softly. You wrap your arms around his neck and he hums against your lips. The two of you remain close as he walks you back toward the hall. He's headed for his room and you just let him lead the way.

_______________________

One year later

“Shawn,” you call out from the bed. He pokes his head around the corner of the attached bathroom. “When was your last appointment with Dr. Giles?”

“Wednesday? Why?” He asks around a mouth full of toothpaste.

You scroll through his schedule to last Wednesday. There is nothing there. You noticed a trend in this happening lately. He says he has a therapy appointment on days he isn't scheduled. It makes you worry. What was he doing? Why was he lying?

“Baby?” Shawn asks, walking in, towel drying his face. “What's wrong?”

“You don't have Wednesday appointments with Dr. Giles. Where have you been going?”

“To therapy.” He sinks in his side of the bed as he gets under the covers. “I've asked her to put me on for a few more days.”

“Why? You're doing great. You even went to one appointment every two weeks. I don't understand why you are going back to weekly.”

Shawn closes your laptop and takes it, placing it on his nightstand. “I've been feeling extra anxious lately. It's probably just because the grand opening of the train station is coming up. I promise I'm not doing anything illegal.”

You lay down, turn to your side and face him. “I don't think you're doing anything illegal. But saying that makes me think you definitely aren't going to therapy.”

“Baby.” He lays his hand on your cheek. “I'm going to therapy. I can get Dr. Giles to print a check in report for me if you like.”

“Why are you being so weird about it?”

“I'm not being weird. You are being weird.”

You huff and turn over.

“Oh come on. Don't ice me out.”

“Don’t forget our flight is early in the morning tomorrow. Good night Shawn.”

He loops his arm over your middle and pulls you back against him. You don't fight it, loving his embrace too much to deny it. “Goodnight my love.” He kisses your neck and you close your eyes to sleep.

_______________________

The new Calgary train station stands before you. A gorgeous testament to Shawn's ability. You're standing beside him with Mr. Snow on his right as he makes a speech about the design he went with on the station.

“And finally I'd like to thank Mr. Snow for giving me this amazing opportunity to design for his company. And I'd like to thank my assistant, for being there every step of the way, even when I was at my lowest point. Without her I don't think any of this would have been possible.” He turns and smiles at you and you flush.

The event coordinator walks the two of you off stage and through the doors of the building to the entrance. It's a beautiful grand lobby that was reminiscent of central station in New York but smaller and done in a very modern fashion. It's honestly breathtaking.

“Will you stand just over there Mr. Mendes?” A photographer asks, pointing to the center of the room. “We'd like some photos for the Calgary photo gallery.”

Shawn walks over, hand in yours, leading you alongside him. “My assistant should be in the photos too.”

“Of course sir.”

You get into position, posing with your hands folded in front of you and your chin up a bit. It's your standard pose for photos these days. The photographer is taking his time and you glance over to see if Shawn is doing something to make him wait, and that's when you realize what's going on.

Shawn is beside you on one knee. There's a box in his hand opened and revealing the most beautiful  ring that has a silver band with diamond accents. Your heart stops and he bites his lips.

“I told you I was anxious lately,” he says softly.

“Shawn...oh my god.”

“I've been working up the courage to do this for a month. And I have been working with a friend to make the perfect ring to be worn by the most beautiful person to ever enter my life and try to keep it secret.” He takes a deep breath and chuckles nervously. “It's literally killing me. So here I am, about to pass out. Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” You let out a laugh that quickly turns into a sob. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”

Shawn takes the ring out and slips it over your finger. It fits perfectly and it's absolutely stunning. He stands and wraps his arms around you, leaning his forehead against yours, noses touching. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” you whisper back and he kisses you right as the photographer's camera clicks, immortalizing this moment forever for the two of you.

The end.

_________________________

Thank you so much to everyone who has patiently waited for this fic. I’m very thankful to @shawnm521 because if we hadn't started chatting about it one day it never would have been possible. 

Thank you so much for reading! Please please please REBLOG and leave a comment, send me an ask, a message or even reply with your feedback on this fic. Every little thing encourages me. Thank you so so much!

[redrebecca]

Bubble Baths

You may have two kids, but it often feels like you have three (dad!shawn)

Warning(s): None

A/N: So i was gonna make it short but i definately wrote more than what i was planning because dad!shawn is my weakness. Feedback is always appreciated, have a nice day!

Words: 2.7k, is it obvious i got carried away??

*

A content smile was plastered across your face as you stood in the hallway. You gazed at the framed photo – a photo Josiah had taken on you and Shawn’s wedding day, of the two of you stooped over in laughter with cake covering your faces. Even a brief glance at that particular photo made your heart beat faster as memories of that day came flooding back. All of the moments of pure bliss and happiness that you vowed to never forget – and you hadn’t. Taking the dusting cloth, you wiped around the frame, carefully realigning the photo when it slightly shifted on the nail.

Suddenly, two small arms wrapped around your knees, a loud, joyful squeal almost made you drop the bottle of polish and the cloth you were holding. You regained yourself when you realised who the miniature imposter was and placed the cleaning bottles onto the side bench, before you scooped up the little giggling boy.

“Hey baby.” You cooed as Raul wrapped his chubby arms behind your neck and pressed his face into the area just below your collar bone, his Shawn-like curls tickling your chin as he nuzzled closer to you. His fingers toyed with the strands of hair that had, throughout the day, fallen from your bun.

“Honey, we’re home!” Shawn’s voice came from behind you. You spun around which caused the very excitable toddler to giggle – and saw that Shawn appeared to be in the exact same position as you, except for the fact he had Leo wrapped around his neck instead of Raul.

Shawn had surprised you this morning by announcing he would be taking Raul and Leo on and impromptu daytrip around Pickering – where you had moved shortly before the birth of the boys. You and Shawn had both agreed that the hustle and bustle of the centre of Toronto wasn’t where you wanted them to grow up.

“I would hug you but I don’t think it would turn out too well” You said, gesturing to the twins. Shawn threw his head back, a heart-warming laugh escaping. He shut the door behind him and pulled you into side hug instead, peppering your forehead with butterfly kisses as the two young boys babbled to each other, totally unaware of anything that was happening around them.

“Hey boys?” Shawn said. Instantly their focus switched to Shawn and they stared up at him with their big brown eyes – their sudden attentive expressions made you chuckle lightly, sure Raul had his moments, but they were both daddy’s boys, through and through. “Why don’t you put your new toys in the toy box?”

Shawn’s request was met by the two toddlers trying their best to wriggle out of your arms, their giggles following them as they waddled down the corridor. You were so absorbed in watching your kids’ carefree and slightly clumsy actions that you didn’t feel your husbands gaze. “Did you have a good day?” He asked as he finally pulled you into a child-free hug, his arms tugging you closer to him.

You hummed into his shoulder. “It was good,” you closed your eyes and inhaled the familiar scent of the man you loved. “But I missed my boys.” Shawn’s lips pulled up into a smile against your neck.

“I missed you too” He murmured. You grinned mischievously to yourself.

“That’s awkward, I was talking about Raul and Leo.” You shrieked as he tickled your sides, you tried to escape his hold but his arms had already securely locked you in place. He eventually ceased his assault on your sides and pulled back, a full pout adorned his face. You laughed quietly at the fact that having kids hadn’t really made him more mature, instead he was beginning to act more and more like his three year old sons.

Your smile quickly slipped off your face however, when you remembered what Shawn had said earlier. “I thought you promised that you wouldn’t buy them anymore toys this month.” You said, crossing your arms across your chest and raising an eyebrow. Shawn visibly faltered at your perfected mom-look.

“I-I,” You firmly held his gaze. “I’m sorry I- Leo said he really wanted a tractor a-and he hasn’t got a tractor, but then the tractor came with a trailer, and you can’t just buy a trailer without anything to put in it.” He looked at you expectantly, as if you were going to agree with the whole ‘you can’t just buy a trailer’ speech, although you were very sure you could just buy a trailer. You were sure Shawn knew this as well, but the boys had him wrapped around their fingers and they knew it – and clearly used it to their advantage. You opened your mouth a few times before shutting it, your husband rendering you speechless. He winced “I promise I had a good reason at the time.” You shook your head slowly.

“Mr Mendes you really are… something.” He didn’t have time to answer before Raul and Leo came barrelling out of their playroom and headed towards where you and Shawn were still stood. Both of the boys reached up and tugged on your t-shirt. You knelt down so you were at eye level – you made sure to appreciate these moments, because if they were anything like Shawn (which they already were), they’d be taller than you by the time they turn 15.

“Momma.” Raul babbled. You nodded, waiting patiently for him to form his sentence. “Me and Leo,” You smiled as he pointed over to his twin, as if you had forgotten who Leo was. “Baff.” You took a second to process his word before answering.

“You want a bath?” At the mention of a bath, their faces lit up. Raul clapped his hands together excitedly whilst Leo did what could only be described as a happy dance. “Of course, you can.” You stood up and looked over to Shawn.

“I’ll get them ready and you run the bath?” He asked, you smiled and nodded.

“Deal.” He grinned, kissing you for good measure before he bent over to pick Raul and Leo up, one boy in each arm before hauling them over his shoulders. Their happiness was infectious as their shrieks and giggles bounced off the walls as Shawn made his way towards the stairs. You beamed, little moments like this made all of the tantrums and sleepless nights worth it.

You followed them up the stairs. “Help me momma!” Leo squealed as Shawn tickled his sides and you couldn’t help but laugh as the twins reached the stage where when they tried to speak, only giggles escaped - the sensation of being tickled becoming too much for them to think about anything else. You leant against the door frame and watched with a grin across your face as you watched Shawn gently drop them onto their beds. Their tiny chests heaving as they spluttered out small bursts of laughter. Turning and closing the door behind you, you headed towards the bathroom, quickly turning on the taps. You rifled through the cabinets to try and find their favourite bubble bath – a one that the bottle looked like a rocket ship. You can remember the fascination they had with the bottle when you had originally bought it from the shop. After pushing various shampoo bottles out of the way, you found it along with the vast rubber duck collection you had acquired over your three years of parenthood.

You switched the hot water tap off and added the bubble bath and the rubber ducks. In a matter of seconds, heaps of foam had appeared, hiding the brightly coloured bath toys from your view. As soon as you were satisfied with the water temperature, you turned the cold tap off as well.

The door swung open and the sound of small feet smacking against the wooden floor echoed off the tiles. “Bubbles!” The boys shouted in unison before they rushed towards where you were perched on the edge of the bath. Leo lifted his arms above his head, waiting for you to help him. You picked Leo up and lowered him into the water, checking once again if the temperature was too hot or too cold.

However, being the more adventurous and dare-say reckless of the two, Raul resorted to clambering up the sides of the tub. He narrowly avoided an injury as you hoisted him up and put him in the bubble filled tub before he could do any harm. It was then when you realized that Shawn still hadn’t made an appearance, you turned towards the door, extending your neck at a strange angle to try and catch a glimpse of your husband.

Your attention was quickly snapped back to the toddlers as you felt water being splashed at you. You whipped your head to where a very sheepish Raul was sat next to Leo, who was blatantly holding back a laugh. “Who was that?” You said, biting your lip to stop a laugh from escaping and ruining your convincing serious tone. The boys exchanged glances before looking back to you – even at their age they had already established the twin telepathy thing. However, before either one could say anything, Shawn shouted from behind you.

“Get her boys!” The next thing you knew you were soaking wet with Raul and Leo relentlessly splashing water at you. You found that you were unable to move as Shawn had snuck up on you and looped his arms around you from behind, effectively preventing any way you could escape. You shielded your face with your hands which only seemed to spur the two on, their little arms moving in a frenzied blur as they tried to splash as much water as you as they could. 

“Good job.” Shawn said as he began to realize just how much of a mess they were making – he was almost certain that there was more water on the floor than there was in the bath – he relaxed his hold around you and stood up. It was only then you realized he was only wearing his swimming trunks, his defined abs and upper torso on show. “You alright honey? He asked when he noticed your obvious stare. You managed to avert your eyes from his body and towards his brown eyes, your cheeks turning red when you realized you’d been caught.

“Why are you wearing those?” But instead of answering he walked around you and gently moved Leo further down the bath before he stepped in, joining the toddlers in the bath. You looked at him in shock, causing him to chuckle.

“I’m adapting.” He said proudly. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Adapting?” You said slowly. He nodded, a smug grin on his face as he began to play with a blue duck that Raul had placed in his tattooed hand. “How is this adapting?” You gestured to where he was sat in the bath, amongst the scented bubbles. It was possible that his behaviour could have been mistaken for a three year old.

“Remember how much trouble washing their hair is from outside of the bath,” You nodded hesitantly. “Well this way, I’ve got easy access to the hair and only one of us gets wet” You raised your eyebrows and moved your arm in a sweeping motion, making his eyes drop to your t-shirt which was beginning to turn see-through because of how wet it was. “Oh, sorry love.” was all he said, a guilty look plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes and reached to your left, where the bottle of kids shampoo was on the floor next to you, and handed it over to Shawn. He smiled and got to work. He carefully lathered Leo’s curls, taking extra care not to get any of the shampoo in his eyes as he did so, whilst you entertained Raul by playing with the rubber ducks with him. “Okay, stay still bud.” Shawn murmured as he began to rinse the product out of Leo’s hair, he smiled gratefully at you when you placed a face cloth into Leo’s tiny hands so he could cover his eyes from the stray water droplets with something.

In no time, Leo and Raul were fully washed and dried. You ushered them out of the bathroom and towards their room. “Hey,” Shawn said from behind you. You turned to see him drying himself off with a fresh towel. “Do you want a bath?” You smiled and nodded, a nice warm bath would be the perfect ending to your unusually peaceful day. “I’ll run you some fresh water, this has gone cold.” He murmured as he reached to pull the plug. You wrapped your arms around him. At first he flinched, obviously not expecting it before he relaxed and interlocked his hands with yours which were splayed across his stomach. You pressed a kiss in the gap between his shoulder blades.

“Thank you.” You mumbled into his damp skin before you wandered to where the boys were.

*

“Mini Mendes 1 and 2 are in bed and finally asleep.” You said quietly as you entered the bathroom. You instantly recognised the sweet scent of your favourite candle as you stepped in. You gasped loudly as you took in the completely transformed room. You raised a hand to your mouth as you noticed everything from the rose petals in the bath to the way the only light was coming from the various candles dotted around the room. It didn’t take you long for you to return your focus to Shawn, who stood with a wine glass in each hand, a towel hanging loosely from his hips and a wide beaming smile on his face. “You are perfect.” You whispered as he placed his glass on the floor and stepped closer to you. You could never explain it but it was as if you always gravitated towards him, and him to you.

He kissed your neck, his hands trailing down to the waistband of your jeans and tugging – not so subtly hinting at what he wanted. You slapped his arm gently as his thumbs slipped underneath the waistband of your panties as well as your jeans. He groaned. “C’mon, the water will get cold.” It didn’t take long after that for the clothes to come off, Shawn’s towel easily sliding from where he had knotted it earlier. He stepped in the bath first before he offered his hand to you – which you gratefully took – the two of you relaxing in the warm water. You were sat in between his legs, your back against his firm chest and his arms draped loosely around your torso. Your breathing naturally synchronised to the rise and fall of his chest, the sound of his breaths in your hair was the only noise in the bathroom. It was fair to say that you had never appreciated silence as much as you did after having kids, because, although you loved them with all of your heart, they could be a handful.

The peace was broken when Shawn laughed behind you. You turned around in confusion and he brought his hands closer to his face. “I definitely did not think this through.” He chuckled. You took his hand in yours and giggled when you saw what he was talking about. His wrinkled skin. “I look like a really old, old man.” He said.

“You’re more like a shrimp.” you teased, sticking your tongue out at him – which only made him laugh more.

“Or a raisin.”

“Prune.”

“I think it looks like a- ” His brown eyes darted from his hand to your eyes “Did you just call me a prune?” Disbelief was apparent in his voice.

“Maybe I did.” You giggled “Shawn Prune Raisin Mendes.” You were thankful that Shawn clamped his hand over your mouth as he began to poke your sides, or you were sure you would’ve woken up the two sleeping toddlers who were only a room away. He eventually stopped and pulled you into his chest again, but this time both of your breaths were ragged from laughter. You turned slightly to press you cheek against his chest, snuggling closer to him as his hand started to run through you hair.

You couldn’t stop the wide smile on your face – because you had the perfect little family.

[smallerinfinities]

Closer: All Hallows Eve (Vampire!Shawn)

a/n: hello, my dear friends! I haven’t written in an age and then Halloween happened and I couldn’t help but revisit my friend vampire!Shawn. this was going to be a blurb LOL and then ended up turning into a 5.5k oneshot(?) of this little universe I’ve created. I honestly think Closer is going to be non-linear. a series of oneshots of different periods in Shawn’s vampire life. this is one such period. btw, some of this is based on characterizations found in the show Versailles, so if you’re into that show you might find familiar things in here! enjoy!

The first chapter of Closer, along with the rest of my writing is linked in my masterlist! ❤️

warnings: smut, blood, bisexuality, more blood, aggression, mentions of infant mortality

Two fingers of scotch swirled in the tumbler in front of him. Some tawdry monster song poured from the jukebox to a full crowd on the dance floor, accompanied by hoots and hollers from the humans. Halloween was always an event at The Trinity. Old and young, sire and fledgling, all of them flocked to the city for the festivities, for the time when the wall between paranormal and normal was but a translucent curtain, easily passed through or, in the case of The Trinity, ripped down. It was this one night a year that vampires could feed openly and no one batted an eyelash. Humans came dressed in costume and paid a pricey cover fee to get in. Liquor flowed freely from John Somerset’s bar and The Trinity vibrated with energy from sundown to sun up.

“It’s not what it used to be, is it?” John walked over with Shawn’s favorite scotch to top off his glass. Shawn hummed his assent, remembering a time when humans knew nothing of vampires, and their feeding habits weren’t such a spectacle. He missed the old days. Missed the thrill of the chase.

Tonight, he’d put forth minimal effort to keep up with the expectation, just painted black fingernails and a touch of eyeliner. Humans didn’t need much convincing once they looked at him. He had always been beautiful, even when he was a human in the 14th century, but when he became a vampire, that beauty was eternalized, frozen forever. Neither women nor men could resist him and he knew it.

“Remember 1685?” Shawn sat back and tilted his head at John.

“Ah, yes. You were in France then, oui?” John winked, clearing the wine bottle that had stacked up behind the bar.

“I was,” Shawn hummed and swilled his glass, tipping it up and letting the brown liquor burn his throat all the way down to his empty and aching stomach. His eyes shut, lulled by the warmth of his drink. Hazy memories burst into color behind his eyes.

+

His heeled shoes clicked against the parquet floor, the burgundy brocade bows adorning his toes kept in place by antique silver buckles. It was 1685, and Louis, le Roi Soleil, was King of France. The chandeliers above the king’s new mirrored walkway were lit with dripping candles, makeshift skeletons hanging from them. A macabre scene set for the masquerade happening at the palace. The noise rose to deafening as he crept toward the ballroom, filled with courtiers and royal family members, all of them ready to lay down at Louis’ feet. He entered quietly, like he usually did, not wanting to draw attention to himself in a room full of humans.

“RAUL!” The Duke of Orléans shouted Shawn’s French name over the crowd. The King’s brother came rushing over, his advancing age finally beginning to show in his face, “how long have you been here?!”

“Philippe, you just saw me walk in the door. Don’t be coy.” Shawn drew him in for a kiss on each side of his face. Philippe reached up and tousled Shawn’s cropped, curly brown hair.

“You know if you just wore your hair long people wouldn’t ask so many questions.” Philippe knew Shawn’s dark secret, knew what others whispered about him. Shawn could look around the room and pick out the handful of courtiers he’d fed on, courtiers he’d taken to his rooms in Philippe’s wing of the palace. Though Philippe had never shared his bed, he’d been Shawn’s friend for years, since his brother welcomed Shawn to the palace in the wake of the English Civil War thirty-five years ago. The duke had been ten then. The forty-five year old man in front of him was starting to gray.

“What makes you think I don’t want them to ask questions?” Shawn smiled wide enough to show his already lengthening fangs responding to the adrenaline and blood present in the room. There was no better place to feed than at a party in the presence of the king.

“Monsieur!” The Chevalier de Lorraine came up behind Philippe, tickling his sides. Ever since he’d returned from his second exile, the Chevalier and Philippe had been more and more open about their continued affair, despite Philippe’s wife dancing not ten yards from them in the ballroom. In fact, Philippe was wearing one of her heavy brocatelle gowns, much to his brother’s chagrin, and a golden mask that hid his whole face.

Shawn’s own mask was black with burgundy texture, a demon in plain sight. His jacket and culottes were black, embroidered with burgundy bats and stars. The leather sewn sleeves allowed his deep red shirt to show beneath. He was every bit a vampire, but the fools in the ballroom were too blind to see it. Especially tonight of all nights, All Hallows’ Eve.

He could see a few others here. His kind stuck out like blinding beacon amongst this crowd of flushed and greedy humans. Some were regulars in this crowd. He spotted Reynald de Chatillon, an old foe, in the corner with his ruddy beard and thirst for young ladies-in-waiting. He regarded him, nodding, receiving little more than a sneer in return. But others were new. A delicate shoulder brushed against his and a brilliant jewel caught his eye. She was cold as ice with a matching frozen glare. Her perfectly coiffed and powdered gray wig bespoke her fledgling age. The older the vampire, the more out of fashion they tended to be, and she was the epitome of fashion. Down to the smooth yellow sapphire delicately tied around her neck. He’d never seen her before, not quite a rarity, but he would be sure to ask Philippe about her later.

“Gentlemen!” Shawn clapped one hand on Philippe’s shoulder and one hand on Chevalier’s, “we feast tonight!” The two men led Shawn to the front of the room, giggling at his double entendre. Before any feasting though, the three of them had to acknowledge the king. Shawn bowed.

“Raul. So good of you to come,” the king’s lip curved up in the corner somewhere between a smirk and a grimace. Louis had never been able to stomach the truth about Shawn, even though Shawn’s money had helped make him the so-called Sun King. His disgust relegated Shawn to his brother’s company, which caused no complaint. Philippe was pleased to keep Shawn close, an addition to his band of privileged misfits.

“You know, you might be the only person my brother is more disappointed to see at these functions than me,” Philippe bumped Shawn’s shoulder as they walked away.

“Disappointed and yet he keeps you here,” Shawn reminded Philippe.

“That’s the real humor in it. To trap me under his thumb, he must gaze upon my face every day.” The duke smiled wide and curtsied, fanning out his overskirt and sticking his tongue straight out when he stood up again.

The party had been going for hours before Shawn had walked in. Generic golden masks littered the tables, some soggy from tipped champagne flutes. Chevalier seized one, licking up some stray champagne from its edge. He’d come unprepared for the occasion as he usually did, unbothered by party themes especially those hosted at Versailles. Affixing the mask to his face, he grabbed at Philippe’s hand.

“Darling! Let us dance!”

Shawn let them skitter into the center of the dance floor without him. The crowd parted  to the center as it always did. Philippe was still the king’s brother and that afforded him privileges no matter what others thought of his choice of lovers. The two of them were so caught up in each other that the opinion of others didn’t matter.

Shawn kept to the perimeter, preferring to stalk the room. He caught eyes here and there. He could smell their responses to him before he saw them. A girl no more than eighteen flushed immediately when his eyes met hers, her giggle betraying her girlish immaturity. He turned from her, hearing her little sigh of disappointment, before his eyes stopped and lingered at someone else.

He was feeling aggressive tonight. Though his body was devoid of blood, the chemicals that had once made him human still coursed through his muscles. They made him strong and virile and, more than anything, an animal. He needed to chase tonight, to delight in the thrill of catching his prey.

He turned his nose toward the breeze in the room and let it guide him, taking quick sniffs, trying to cut through the smell of champagne and red wine. Closing his eyes to strengthen his other senses, he caught a whiff of cinnamon and turned his head. He honed in on the spice of it, the touch of bergamot that thickened the blood. When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t stop himself from gasping.

It was a man. A young man dressed in uniform with a navy blue mask, peacock feathers sprouting from the temples. The gold of his buttons glimmered in the candlelight, his jacket settled against a defined chest untouched by war. His turquoise and gold eyes contrasted starkly with the black eye kohl that ringed them, eyes that kept darting to and from Shawn’s face. Shawn stared, moving toward him slowly. Even though the room was filled with music and dancing and the dim hum of a thousand voices, he knew that his feet made no noise.  

The hunt had begun.

“Do you know,” Shawn reached out his hand and fingered the delicate feathers, “that these are the same color as your eyes?”

“Enchanté to you too, Monsieur Mendès. Or should I call you Shawn?” He emphasized the name with a curl in his lip.

“You know me?” Shawn’s eyes widened in surprise. In this court he’d only ever been known as Raul Mendès, the French rendering of one of his Christian names.

“If by know you, you mean do I know the truth of what people say about you?” he bowed low, his outstretched hand brushing Shawn’s shoes. “Then yes, I know you quite well.” When he reached his full height again, he had removed his mask and revealed his flushed pink cheeks. Shawn could see the blood rushing wildly with his quickly beating heart just under the skin. His mouth watered despite the panic rising in his throat.

“Well, well, and who are you, monsieur?” Shawn dipped his head, filled with nerves he’d never show. If he had a pulse right now, if would be racing. Thank God he hadn’t fed in over a month. A vampire’s name was a closely guarded secret, known only to familiars, especially a former name.

“I am Lucien de Foix, a captain in the king’s army,” he stuck out his hand for Shawn to shake. Shawn took it hesitantly, a creeping unsteadiness overtaking him. How does he know my name? He kept a grip on Lucien’s hand, squeezing a little harder than he normally would, squeezing until he could see the sweat forming on the young captain’s head. Lucien’s brow creased, his mouth opening as if he might cry out, but as he looked past Shawn something caught his eye and to Shawn’s horror, he smiled.

“There, there, Shawn,” a cold hand, accompanied by a female voice, ran down his back and caused him to shiver. “Fear not, we are the only ones here who know your secret.”

It was the young fledgling vampire with the powdered wig. Her skin, unlike the white painted faces in the room, was naturally pale as blank china, marred only by a pair of starkly painted black eyebrows and two round circles of blush. She pursed her lips, tinted crimson as if she’d recently fed and left the stain. She circled Shawn, stopping in front of him and linking her arm with Lucien’s. Shawn turned his hand, exposing Lucien’s wrist and the livid, purple pinpoint marks left by repeated feedings. He should have fucking known.

“So,” he squeezed his hand again, enough to feel the bones grind together, “you’re a blood slave.” The fledgling hissed at him, whether it was at sensing her toy’s pain or at his implication, he didn’t know. If he hadn’t been in a ballroom full of people, he might have snapped both their necks without consequence or remorse. As it was, he had to play nice.

“He is my husband,” she cooed into Lucien’s neck, her tongue darting out to trace the bulging vein running from his collar to his well-defined jaw.

“A tasty one at that, I presume,” Shawn smirked at her. He knew this game. Vampires developed a taste for certain humans, enthralling them, keeping them as pets. She may have convinced him that he meant something to her, something more permanent, but one day she would move on. He would not. He would likely descend into madness, looking for her or for his next pleasure fix, but no vampire would touch him after that. He would be persona non grata, tainted and tossed aside.

“Very,” she purred, “can I interest you in a taste?”

“That depends,” Shawn hated that his mouth was still watering, still craving the spice that his blood promised, “who are you and what do you want from me?”

“I,” she held her hand out for him to kiss in a deep curtsy, “am Madame de Montpensier, enchanté.” Her wig was fixed with several small doves, matching the embroidery on her silver and white gown. Even at her most bowed, the wig still reached clear over Shawn’s head. This vampire wanted to be seen.

“And I would like you to introduce me to your friends.” She nodded toward the two men still at the center of attention on the dance floor.

“To Philippe?” Shawn tipped his head and laughed, “Philippe has little time or regard for women. I doubt you’d gain any ground on that front.”

“Oh, it is not pour moi,” she nodded at Lucien and he advanced toward Shawn, his heart kicking up speed. Shawn’s fangs grew to full length. They ached to sink into his beautiful tan skin. God, it was as if she knew he hadn’t been feeding, knew his habits and preferences. His weakness for young men with ambition and a false sense of power. It was as if this Lucien had been groomed for this.

The pieces finally clicked. His eyes darkened and his voice lowered to a whisper through his teeth.

“Tell me, Madame, has Reynald fallen so far out of favor that he sends his young fledgling to do his bidding?” Fucking Reynald. This was low, even for a leech like Reynald. His claws were always in some king’s coattails. It was the only way to keep up with his ravenous appetite for blood and power.

“Reynald does not need you! He is just as powerful as he always was!” She seethed, tilting her head toward Lucien again. He draped himself in front of Shawn, practically offering himself for the taking. Shawn could feel his body stirring. He wanted this man, wanted to rip into his veins and drink until he couldn’t anymore, until his whole body was hot and flushed with the young captain’s blood. Until his heart beat again and the memories surged behind his eyelids.

“Reynald needs me plenty or you wouldn’t be here,” Shawn spat, locking eyes with Lucien, a hair’s breadth away from taking him right then and there. He dipped his head to Lucien’s ear, licking the outer shell and relishing the feel of his body shivering beneath him.

He could see his ministrations were having an effect on her. Her fangs were lengthening. Shawn could smell her arousal, the blood and adrenaline a trap for one so young as she was. She couldn’t have been more than fifty years dead, frozen forever in her twenty-year-old body. She was thirsty. All the time. That feeling, the clawing beast inside her skin that could never be sated, the endless need for blood in the first century of her new life would be almost unbearable.

He took Lucien’s earlobe between his teeth, grazing, but not breaking the skin before he whispered.

“Run.”

Lucien shot from Shawn’s arms, past his mistress and toward the enormous French doors that led to the outdoor terrace. Shawn was so attuned to him now, so caught up in the chase that he could hear Lucien’s booted footfalls on the delicately manicured grass over the din of the crowded room. He stood in front of Madame de Montpensier and waited.

“Thank you for the gift, you’re more than welcome to join me,” he heard his prey stumble on the gravel path near the great fountain in the garden, “but you can tell Reynald that it will take more than a beautiful boy and a game of blackmail to get me to do his bidding.” He brushed past her, too concentrated on the blood waiting for him in the garden to hear her cry of indignance.

Exiting the ballroom to the terrace, he crouched down and laid his palm against the chilly stone. He could hear Lucien breathing hard. He was running. His footfalls vibrated against the stone from the treeline, slower and slower until he stopped to catch his breath. Shawn smiled, finding his opportunity.

He sprinted, almost faster than a human eye could track, his vampire speed in the dark rendering him practically invisible. His feet barely touched the ground, silently making his way closer and closer toward Lucien’s gasping breaths. He stopped behind a tree, looking past it. Lucien was doubled over, his cheeks flushed with exhilaration, sucking cold air into his lungs and huffing out little clouds with every exhale. Shawn snapped a fallen twig under his heel on purpose.

“Who’s there?!” Lucien’s head snapped up.

“There, there, monsieur,” Shawn cooed, using his softest voice to soothe, “you knew it was me.” He smiled wide, his fangs extending past his lower lip, as if they might cut into his own skin. Stalking silently, he moved closer, taking measured, slow steps to put Lucien at ease. The blood tasted so much sweeter when it wasn’t tainted with fear.

“You won’t hurt me? Madame never makes it hurt.”

“I make no promises.” Shawn stopped just in front of him, dragging a cold finger down in his pink cheek. His skin was on fire despite the chill in the air. The warmth of his blood sang a rich melody that only Shawn could hear. It was intoxicating. He bent down to Lucien’s mouth, where the smell of him was strongest.

“Can I kiss you?” Shawn asked, an honest question. He prefered intimacy with his prey. He wanted them to feel the truth of his desire, wanted them to know that without them, he was nothing. As powerful as he was as a vampire, he was nothing without their blood. He wanted them to want it.

Lucien nodded his head, a crease between his eyes as if he was surprised he felt agreeable to it. Shawn grinned. Men were always surprised at how far they were willing to go to gain Shawn’s approval.

Shawn pressed his lips to Lucien’s and gasped into his mouth. It was simple, two lips pressed together, but it was heady with that natural spice that men always seemed to have. The power they sacrificed to be fed upon, the beautiful surrender of delicate ego. It was everything that he loved about being a vampire captured in a moment of pure submission. He pulled away light-headed, his eyes black with hunger.

Shawn’s cold fingers found Lucien’s neck, tipping it to the side, exposing that deep, pulsing vein that he could see beating a quick rhythm full of blood, even in the low light. He cradled his head and ran his tongue along the sinews, the muscles that would become his chalice. Lucien shivered, gasping a hot breath against Shawn’s cold skin, filling Shawn’s nose with that warm spice that he’d smelled on the air inside.

His fangs broke skin.

Lucien cried out. In pleasure or pain, Shawn didn’t know. He didn’t care. All he knew was the taste of the warm, viscous liquid pouring from Lucien’s neck. Cinnamon, citrus, smoke. Each note bloomed behind his closed eyes in brilliant jewel tones. Rubies, emeralds, and amethysts swirled like a kaleidoscope.

Shawn felt Lucien’s fingers curl into his hair and push his neck farther into Shawn’s mouth, forcing Shawn to pull even more of his precious blood. It overflowed, dripping in rivulets from Shawn’s mouth. There would be stains, evidence of what had happened, but Shawn didn’t care. He was lost in this man. For a split second, he understood why Montpensier had taken him as a slave. Regular encounters with these veins would surely drive him mad.

The kaleidoscope swam as it always did into images, the moments from his past that he hid from between feedings. The list he kept of the humans he’d fed on turned into faces, one by one swimming into his mind. Memories of blood, of battle, of humanity. His heart was coming alive again, beating strong with Lucien’s blood, stronger than Lucien’s own heart.

He pulled away panting. Lucien’s head lulled, still alive but incoherent. Shawn laid him gently on the cold ground and backed away, controlling the temptation to take all that Lucien would give him, all that he had to give. Leaning heavily on a massive old oak, Shawn’s mind swam. His old life, his old humanity was coming back to him on a tidal wave, slamming him over and over into the bark against his back. Poitiers, Agincourt, Bosworth, Paris, Bologne. So much death and blood and iron, battles between kings and men, all dead and buried, turned to dust.

The final wave of memories was always the same hazy image. A fire burning in the hearth of the home he’d built with his own hands, a woman and child in a chair before it. He walks up behind her, touching her shoulder, and she looks back smiling. The child suckling at her breast, warm and pink, fixes him with a blue-eyed stare. It was everything he’d ever wanted.

And it was taken from him.

His chest rose and fell. The compelling need to breathe to keep up with his newly beating heart overwhelmed him. He always felt most human in the seconds just after the feed. Though blood coated his chin and ran down to his now ruined shirt, his senses were dulled to that of a living thing. He couldn’t hear past the beating of his own heart, couldn’t taste past the life he’d consumed. He was vulnerable and she knew it.

Madame de Montpensier had been watching. She came out from behind the tree where she’d been hiding, smiling wide, fangs grown to their full length. Closing the gap between them quickly, she planted her hands above Shawn’s shoulders, her fingers playing with the loose curls at his neck.

“Isn’t he lovely?” She cooed, looking back at her pet lying on the ground.

“He is,” Shawn licked his lips, turning her head with his fingers to look him in the eye, “‘tis a dangerous game you play with Reynald. You would do well to not cross me again.”

“Reynald is gone,” she whispered, “and besides, I’m not sure he interests me anymore.” She set him with a look, a look that shouted his needs and greatest desires into existence. If he wanted her, he only needed to reach out and take.

“Oh, does he not? Madame, I know you are young,” he rested his forehead against hers, his earlier anger eroding by the second, “but you will find disavowing your sire more difficult than you think.”

“That may be,” she lifted up onto her tip-toes, reaching her tongue out to lap up some of Lucien’s still warm blood from Shawn’s chin, “but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun while I try.” She ran her hand down his chest to where the blood he’d taken from Lucien was rapidly pooling in his groin.

He growled, taking her hand and moving to drag her off to the nearest bedroom. She dug in her heels to stop him, looking back at Lucien still passed out.

“Leave him,” Shawn barked, “perhaps it will teach him not to dally with vampires.”

In a moment, they were back in Shawn’s rooms, a trail of shredded clothing on the floor from the door to the bed. She moved to remove her choker but he stopped her.

“Leave it on,” he snarled, rolling his hose down and removing the last of his ripped and bloody shirt. She moved her hands away from her throat and sat back on the bed, leaning back on her hands. She spread her legs in an open invitation.

She was fucking beautiful. Her skin glowed in the half-burned candles sitting on every surface, smooth and unmarred by age or sickness. He couldn’t stop himself from groaning. It had been some time since he’d been with a woman. Too long. He approached her slowly, bending down to crawl on his knees to her.

He covered her body with his, taking in her clean scent suffused with Lucien’s. They were both warm, hearts beating together with the same blood. She curled her legs around his thighs.

“I want you inside me.” She purred in his ear.

All he’d needed was permission. He drove his hips into hers, pumping deep into her warm cunt. She cried out, arching her back and clamping her arms into his wrists. Her nails dug into his skin, drawing blood. Hissing, he pulled back and lifted onto his knees. She laughed, licking each of her crimson stained fingers.

“Come on, Shawn. Give me everything you’ve got.”

He roared. Grabbing her hips, he pulled almost all the way out of her warmth and then tugged her back onto him. Their skin met in a deliciously wet slap and echoed off the ornate walls. It was intense. He felt her clench around him, deep inside, all the way through his repeated strokes. He rowed into her over and over and over again until the delicate doves placed in her wig flew off the bed, cracking loudly against the floor. She held tight to the bedpost behind her, her strength creating resistance for him to fuck harder into.

He wasn’t going to last much longer like this, but he needed her there with him. To fall off the cliff and into the ocean of Lucien’s blood that they shared. He wrapped his arm around her middle, hauling her up to his chest and slamming them both backward against the headboard, still fucking his hips up into hers.

Her eyes were black, her mouth open in silent pleasure. He wanted to hear her scream.

Shawn ducked his head to her chest, placing open mouthed kisses along her breast bone. Her red-flushed nipples called to him, grazing his chest with every thrust.

“Come with me.”

He sank his fangs into her breast, suckling on her perfect diamond-hard peaks. Blood rushed again into his mouth, filling him with that spicy, citrusy blood he’d lost himself in earlier. It mixed with florals, oleander and magnolia, inside her body and he came hard with the mix of masculine and feminine.

“Shawn!” she cried, bearing down on him harder than ever, riding her own orgasm into the wall behind her. They rocked back and forth together. Shawn fucked his hips up into hers as she held his head to her chest. Her memories came to him, blooming in front of him as strong as her shaking body in his arms.

There were not many of them; as he had suspected, she was not old. He saw her as a young woman, a human, hand in hand with a child, a daughter, with bouncy, loose blond curls. He saw her dressed all in black, saw Reynald finding her on her knees beside a child’s mausoleum. He promised he could take her pain away.

Reynald lied.

He let go of her breast, breathless for the second time that night. She heaved against him, clawing at his face, pulling him to her lips. Blood poured into her mouth and they both moaned, her memories and his mixing. New and old, predator and prey, lovers.

They collapsed onto the blood stained sheets. Shawn held his arms open and she crawled into them quietly, fingering the bit of chest hair that had grown before he had left his humanity behind. She knew what he’d seen. When vampires fed from each other, the memories flashed in both their minds.

“Reynald made false promises because he wanted you,” he whispered, tracing patterns on her bare skin, “he is nothing but a liar.”

“Will I ever forget her?” she asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear it from someone she knew would tell her the truth.

“No,” he kissed her forehead, “she will come to you every time you feed, just like I see my wife and child even now more than three hundred years since their passing.”

“Teach me,” she pleaded, the hazel of her human eyes bright after feeding, “teach me how to live with the pain.”

“Shhhh,” he smoothed her hair, “let us sleep.” He draped the heavy blankets over them and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Nothing could dare hurt you here.”

+

“Shawn?” John clinked his glass with an empty beer bottle, “I think someone is watching you.” He nodded to a far corner, beyond the sea of human and vampire heads now dancing idiotically to “Monster Mash.” The figure moved with inhuman speed through the crowd.

He blinked to make sure he wasn’t seeing a ghost.

How in the —

“Oh, don’t look so shocked to see me, Shawn,” she lifted her black leather covered leg over his, “All Hallows Eve always was our time.” Her lips, always painted red, lifted back over her cartoonishly long fake fangs.

“Hélène, what are you doing here?”

“Don’t you mean, Hélène, how did you escape when I left you for dead?” She narrowed her eyes to slits, her long chandelier earrings tinkling under her blunt-cut black bob haircut.

“It was 1792, Ellie. You wouldn’t leave France. You made your choice.”

“It was my home!”

John made a clicking noise, “vampire disputes go outside.”

“There’s no need, John. She was just going,” Shawn glared at her. “We have no dealings. If you are only interested in blaming me for what I could not change, then we have nothing to discuss.”

She slammed her hand down on the bar, leaving a wax-sealed envelope in front of him. An ornate, crimson R was pressed into the black wax.

“Reynald requests your presence.”

“You went back to him?” Shawn shook his head, a humorless grin pulling at the corner of his mouth, “after all that time?”

“Yeah, well he didn’t abandon me.” She picked up her leg and turned to leave, giving his curls a tug at the last second. He caught her hand and pulled it to his lips. She was warm, recently fed. He had always loved her skin in the days after a feeding, curling into her warmth every night in bed. They fed and fucked and drank and danced for a century and she still went back to him.

“I never meant for that to happen.” He wasn’t sure what he had meant to happen all those years ago when he left her, the peasants breaking windows and setting fires a few blocks from their Paris apartment, but he sure as hell didn’t mean for her to go to him.

“We never mean for bad things to happen, but it’s like you said that first night. I don’t know why I ever thought I could disavow him.” She wiped at the corner of her eye, ripping her hand from his and hurrying away from the bar.

Shawn ripped open the note she’d left.

Dear Shawn Peter Raul Mendes,

Did I get all of your names in? I do love knowing them all.

Isn’t she lovely? Thank you for taking her in all those years ago. She was too headstrong, too willing to leave. I love her now. My beautiful broken pony. She begged for my forgiveness. I gave it to her. It took awhile. Fifty years in an abandoned well. That was how long it took to get your stink off of her.

I do hope you’ll come see us. I’m sure you remember where to find me.

Best wishes,

  Reynald

Shawn crumpled up the old piece of paper and lobbed it into the fire near the stairs to the street. White, hot anger courses through him. He needed to leave before he took and fed on the first thing that fell into his arms, unsure if he could feed without draining. He needed to find Hélène. He needed to find Reynald.

I’m going to kill that bastard once and for all.

taglist: @justanotherfangurl272​ @siennarossi​ @trustfundshawn​ @alone-in-madness​ @harryandmolly​ @mendesromano​ @fromthicctosticc​ @esoltis280​ @softmendesss​ @sinplisticshawn​ @nedthegay​ @september-lace​ @itrocksmysocks​ @disaster-rose​ @mendesoft​ @luvluvxx​ @i-play-video-games​ @ihearthemcallingforyou​ @hi-my-name-is-sid​ @gentleshawn​ @kitykatnumber​ @enchantingbrowneyedgirl​ @ijustreallylikeshawnokay​ @shhhawnmendes​ @shawnsblue​ 

[i-will-be-forever-yours]

Cuts Run Deep

A/N: This one is pretty close to my heart. I have struggled with cutting and anxiety and depression for a while now. Some days it get’s to be too much, and that’s okay. However, I want to tell any of you who are struggling with depression or anxiety, you are not alone. Don't discredit yourself, for you are SO special. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate. I won’t judge you at all bc the truth is that this needs to be talked about more. We, as a society, need to normalize the need for help in the battle of mental illnesses. I’m here for you, as a person who has struggled themselves. It may seem like you are drowning, but there is a way out of this. I love you all. Thanks for reading.

Warnings: Couple curse words, talk of cutting and self harm and suicide. PLEASE don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. (TRIGGER WARNING)

Summary: Shawn and Y/n are so in love, but words can hurt and cuts run deep. Can Shawn bring her back and show how much he loves her???

Word Count: 2.5k

my masterlist

posted 4-4-20

not my gif

Shawn was in the studio this morning so Y/n thought she’d clean the house a bit. She had just gotten back from an overseas trip and was at home resting from all the lights and cameras. She was used to the photos being taken of her and the articles being written about her since she already had a name for herself in Hollywood, being an up and coming actress. That’s not to say that some of the articles about her didn’t sting, but she never thought she’d be so spitefully talked about when she started dating Shawn. The media truly had a field day at her expense, but she never told Shawn how she truly felt, wanting to spare his feelings because she knew how hurt he’d be if he found out what people were saying about her. Of course, he knew about the articles and tabloids, but he didn’t know of the snide comments she got from her coworkers or fans as she walked down the street. He didn’t understand how hurt she was, and she wanted to keep it that way. She couldn’t bear to unload her baggage on him, when he had so much he dealt with on a daily basis.

They met just under two years ago. It was pretty cliche, but to them it was truly was love at first sight. Rain was pouring down on the streets outside as Y/n ran to a small coffee shop to try and avoid the brewing storm. However, just as she was reaching for the door handle, she made contact with another hand. Pulling her hand back in surprise she looked up at this man. He had the warmest smile and the most beautiful eyes.

“I- uh,” she coughed, trying to clear her throat before continuing, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

Eyes shining bright, he said,chucking, “Well that makes two of us.” Holding the door open for her he followed her in. Once inside the safety of the cafe he introduced himself saying, “Hi, I’m Shawn,” while stretching out his hand to shake.

Looking at his outstretched hand and then back into his brown eyes she replied, “I know who you are. I’m a big fan of your music.” Slightly embarrassed, she took his hand and gave it a light shake before continuing. “My name is Y/n. Uh- Y/n Y/L/n.”

“No way! As in Y/n L/n the actress? I’ve seen a couple of your movies. You are so talented, especially in that murder thriller,” he gushed with flushed cheeks and a big smile adorning his face.

After ordering they sat down together and talked for over an hour, but it felt like a couple of seconds. Time flew by and next thing they knew they were exchanging numbers with the promise to meet up again. Now, almost two years later, they are living together and Shawn plans on proposing to her on their second anniversary. He has it all thought out, they are going to a romantic picnic and then going back to the coffee shop where they met. It will be there where he’ll drop to one knee and ask the question that’s been plaguing his thoughts for the past weeks.

However he is currently at the studio, as he’s been extremely busy finishing writing a song for her. It’s taken a toll on his stress, but he knows it’ll be worth it. He is really proud of the turnout and is ready to call it a day, after he finishes the last couple chords, to finally go cuddle with Y/n back home.

- At their shared home -

Y/n was content with the amount of cleaning she had done and decided to kick back and relax. She threw on one of Shawn’s shirts and sat in front of their large flatscreen in the living room. Lost in her thoughts after catching sight of the photo next to the tv. It was a picture of the two of them, looking at each other. They were completely smitten, and everyone knew it. Sure they had their disagreements, but so does every couple. Their love for each other was strong enough to know that they would always be there for each other. Even after the worst fights, in the end, they knew they’d be alright.

She was brought back when her twitter app notified her name being tagged in a tweet that was getting a lot of feedback. Opening up her phone she saw a hashtag trending that stated “#Mendes dump L/n”. She usually ignores things like this that pops up on her feed, but something prompts her to open it, and she later wishes she hadn’t.

It was just another thing that belittled Y/n and made her feel more insecure. It’s not the actual tweet which bothered her, but it was the comments from all the fans. So many people were jumping in and saying how ugly she was, or how she doesn’t deserve Shawn. She always grew up feeling like that. Never knowing if people were using her or whether people truly liked her or not. Since a very young age, she struggled with anxiety and inner demons. Her parents thought she made it up and constantly ignored her begging for medication to help her not feel like that anymore. She wanted something to calm her racing heart and needed relief from the anxiety that coursed through her veins, but no one heard her pleas. They fell to deaf ears. It got worse in high school when she started isolating herself. She would put up a mask to hide the depression and anxiety. It felt like no one saw who she truly was, but people liked the person she was with the mask. That mask started to become who she was.

It got so bad that she would cut herself. As the tears streamed down her face, she brought the razor to her wrist and would cut line after line into her soft flesh. She watched as the blood pooled out and felt a sense of calm, and now again she thought about it. She thought about the distraction and almost relief she felt from the pain that cutting brought. It felt like her problems left as the blood pooled out with the dark red. She wanted that relief again.

Getting up from the couch and going into the bathroom where she kept a razor, while in the back of her mind she told herself she was foolish for believing the lies that the people spewed, she held it with trembling hands. Then she remembered Shawn. The handsome man she’d fallen for, with a broad smile and the most generous heart. Then, remembering how he’d been spending more and more time at the studio. Maybe they were right and perhaps he needed someone more stable and beautiful by his side. Someone who could be confident with themselves, despite the dirt and shit people threw at her. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. So used to the emptiness, it felt like second nature to be in this position. It didn’t stop her from questioning her decision, but she knew she wanted the best for Shawn. Maybe, just maybe if she killed herself Shawn could find someone who made him happy, she thought.

Stripping out of her clothes and stepping into the shower with the razor in her hand, she let her tears mix with the pounding water. The water was burning her skin, but she didn’t even feel as it left her skin raw and burning. All Y/n felt at that moment was the emotional toll that years of scrutiny had left her. Her mind was cloudy and dazed and she held the sharp point to her wrist. Applying a little pressure, she winced when she dragged it across her skin. Blood almost immediately started to run out of the cut. Years of cutting left her with the knowledge of how deep to cut without leaving scars. Not starting off too deep was her plan, because she knew she had to build up to it. She cut again and again and watched as the blood escaped her tiny cuts. The cuts were light but her wounds ran deep. The pain was not external but was a raging storm within. It clouded her judgment and thoughts, to the point where she couldn’t feel anything but pain.

Her physical pain didn’t even phase her. She could only focus on the blood as it mixed with the water on the shower tile on the floor. Ragged, short breaths left her as Y/n thought about all the comments from the media and people. Falling back against the shower wall she clutched her wrist to her chest. She wanted it to end, the assault of the hateful words trashing in her head like a raging beast. Her thoughts were so overwhelming in her head that she didn’t hear Shawn calling her name.

- Shawn’s side-

Walking in the door, Shawn tosses his keys into the bowl by the entryway. Looking around he breathes out a deep sigh, letting out his stress. He was ready for this, ready to take the next step with the love of his life. So, as he made his way further into their shared home he wasn't even fazed when he heard the shower running. It brings about a sense of domesticity for him. However, his brows knit together when he hears cries coming from inside the bathroom. Calling out Y/n’s name with no response causes his heart rate to start picking up. Rushing in, he flings the door of the ensuite bathroom open and sees a sight that makes his heart break. There was Y/n, the love of his life, was sitting with her head down and her hands clutched to her chest. Moving closer, his heart pounds and his vision begins to spin at the sight red dripping down her left forearm.

Pulling open the shower door he stands dumbfounded as Y/n quickly looks up at him, with bloodshot eyes and a broken expression on her face. It wasn’t even her appearance that made his heart come to a crashing stop. No, it isn’t how her breath hitches in her throat or even the way she sits there on the floor of the shower looking up at him. It is what he sees in her hand, what he sees running down her arms. In those couple seconds, he realizes he needs to help her. So, grabbing the hand towel on the hook, he wraps it around her damaged wrists, careful to not cause too much pain in his attempt to catch the rapidly decreasing blood flow. Silence overtakes them as he dresses and tends to her arm. It’s a couple minutes before Shawn has the courage to speak up.

“I- uh, Love… Why did you do this?” he questions in a weak voice, once safely of the shower.

She doesn’t say anything, but instead falls into his body and cries. Wrapping another towel around her soaked frame, he wraps his arms around her to bring her closer. No words are spoken as he guides them to the bedroom and he holds her in his strong arms against his chest.

Y/n had her head against his chest, and something about the steady beat of his heart calms her. Just him being there calms the storm that rages war in her head. Her breathing has slowed and she feels better. Shawn looks down and sees she is now more relaxed. No longer are there tears or fear, but it has since been replaced with a look of emptiness.

With much trepidation, he speaks up saying, “Honey, tell me why. What made you do this? You know I love you so much. I-if I found y-you dead… I don’t know what I would do. You are the best thing to happen to me Y/n Y/l/n. Don’t forget that.”

Y/n looks at him, hearing the vulnerability in his voice. She nods into his chest and takes a few calming breaths before replying, “I just read a- some tweets that- um- that said you should break up with me. And I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t read things like that. But something about it reminded me of what I’ve been told my whole life. I don’t know, I guess I started to believe them. I mean with you at the studio a lot lately.” She started to ramble, “and that’s fine! I am not trying to be clingy. I was just thinking maybe there is a better person-”

“Stop. No, don’t say that love. You are the only right person for me. I knew that when I met you in the coffee shop that day. I’ve loved you since then. Okay? Don’t listen to their lies. If they cannot see that you are so loved, then that’s on them. You are so amazing and beautiful, and I love you so much. There is no one that I would rather be with. Okay- uh so, I had a whole big plan for this but I cannot wait any longer. I need you to understand how much I love you.” he stated before getting up and moving to their shared closet. She hears him rummaging around before she sees him coming out again.

“Y/n Y/l/n, you are so special to me. Your smile brightens my day and leads me back home in the craziest storms. There’s not a moment when you aren’t on my mind, and I want to marry you-”

“Shawn what-” she gasped in shock, quickly sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed, with the towel still wrapped around her soaked frame.

Bending on one knee, he grabs her left hand, conscientious of the bandaging, and in a voice thick with emotion he asks, “Y/n Y/l/n, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“I- I, yes! I love you,” she cries. However, her tears are for a completely different reason. He stands up and places the ring on her finger and kisses her. The kiss is slow and deep. It’s not like any other kiss they’ve shared, not after coming home from a party turned on, or even the first kiss they shared. No, this kiss is so symbolic, and emotional, and it’s not until they break for air do they come back from that bliss.

Once again laying upon the bed, with Y/n in Shaw's arms he whispers, “Who’d've thought that we’d get engaged with you only in a towel and in our bedroom?” He has a cheeky grin on his face, and she knows what he is implying. She chuckled with him before he continued, “We are going to have proper engagement. You need to act surprised too. All our family will be there and want to see your reaction. For now, how about I take care of that towel. We have a lot to celebrate.”

She looks at him and smiles, ducking her head into his neck. Nodding her head in a silent agreement, she starts to place small kisses onto the underside of his chin. He tightens his grasp on her and flips her so he’s hovering atop her. A smirk plays on his lips as he slowly pulls either side of the towel from around her. Yeah, the night has just begun.

_________

Please reblog and let me know if you liked it or if you hated it. Talk to me, and let me know your ideas for writing. Love you guys!

[harryandmolly]

Complicit // Introduction

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, allusion to sexual content, perhaps the Most Extra OC I’ve written to date

WC: 2.2k

----------

Penny closes one eye and scrunches up her face, digging through her S/S 2018 monogrammed Louis Vuitton tote for her work phone. It buzzes hard, rattling against her Oliver Peoples sunglasses, until she can fling some chestnut hair from her face and answer it.

“Caught me just before we’re leaving for the airport,” she says breezily, squinting out the bay window of the whitewashed St. Lucia suite looking over the lapis ocean, “What’s up?”

“I have such a treat for you,” chuckles Silver.

A familiar thrill shoots down Penny’s spine. She swallows and casts a glance around the room for her vacation companion. He’s nowhere to be seen.

“Who is it?”

Silver, being Silver, pauses for dramatic effect.

“It’s Shawn Mendes.”

A pause. Penny’s well kept brow furrows.

“Who?”

+

Niall first realized something was really wrong when Shawn didn’t want to go to 40 Love. In fact, he didn’t want to go anywhere. Niall had to go to him, to his house in Beachwood Canyon, just to see his old friend.

He eyes him warily, watching Shawn stare out the window overlooking the Hills. He’s got a guitar pick in the pocket of his sweats. His fingers fumble with it while he thinks.

“So… things are bad,” Niall guesses.

Shawn takes too long to shrug and angle his head back at Niall. “Not… bad. Just weird.”

Niall leans forward, propping his elbows up on his knees and holding his beer bottle aloft, examining the shedding label.

“I get it. It’s a weird situation. Honestly, I… I was pretty surprised.”

Shawn bobs his head and feels his jaw tighten against his will. “I think a lot of people are.”

Niall is quiet for almost a full minute. He shakes a hand through his coarse brown hair. “I get it, though. I mean, you know I do, mate. Going from teenager to adult in this business is somethin’ most people don’t even get to do. But doin’ it… it’s hard. So I get it, why this thing makes sense for ya.”

Shawn is silent, fidgeting in front of the window.

Niall lifts a shoulder, looking to lighten the mood. “Least she’s not a nightmare.”

It gets a short, rough chuckle from Shawn, which Niall considers progress. Shawn finally turns looking worse for wear as he shuffles to sit in the armchair across from the couch, shoulders hunched, legs spread.

“I don’t think I would’ve agreed to a publicity stunt relationship with someone I hate,” He pauses and chews on the inside of his lip, “I dunno, maybe I would’ve at this point.”

Niall lowers his gaze. He recognizes the old, faded remnants of Catholic guilt in his gut and does what he can to tamp them down. His progression from teen heartthrob of One Direction fame to singer-songwriter hasn’t been easy in comparison to Shawn’s. Hell, he’ll always be one of the 1D boys -- there’s really no changing that. He’s made his peace with it.

His young friend, 21 now and in the industry since he was 15, has to do the same. Niall’s been paying attention. Shawn Mendes has been stratospheric for a while. His third album was a massive success. He sold out arenas on a world tour that even One Direction’s *cough* ambitious management wouldn’t sniff at. But the Armani smart watch ads and even the Calvin Klein campaign haven’t saved him from being a “prince of pop.”

It’s not the worst thing you can be called, Shawn and Niall both know. But it’s diminutive, it’s a little condescending, it’s sweet. Shawn has always been sweet. He is the ultimate nice Canadian boy, the antidote to Bieber’s downfall.

But he’s growing the fuck up and the rest of it -- the music, the tours, the image -- it has to grow, too.

It was Shawn and Bex’s shared publicist who first mentioned the idea. Bex, single name, like Madonna, is an old friend. She’s a Nickelodeon star-turned-pop singer who came up around the same time Shawn was sitting in a computer chair posting to Vine and YouTube. He likes Bex, she’s cool. They’ve written together and yeah, they’ve fucked a couple times when they were drunk and needed distractions from their own lives for various reasons. But he doesn’t get that feeling about Bex. He knows the feeling is out there. But that’s not what this thing with her is for.

“It’s a proven effective way to age you up in the public’s eyes,” Emily advised him, doing that thing where she dips her chin a little toward her chest and widens her eyes, the ‘you really should listen to me�� face, “And aging you up is the only way to get you where you really want to go. The teenage girls can get you places. Fuck, they can even make you a legend. But they can’t get you the world’s respect.”

Shawn thought it was insane at first. Lie about a relationship? Isn’t that kind of seedy? Won’t people see right through it?

He shifts uncomfortably in the chair. He still wonders these things sometimes. But the righteous indignation he felt last year when it came up is an ancient memory. He picks moodily at his own beer bottle sitting on the arm of the chair.

“You see someone, right? Like a therapist?” Niall verifies. Shawn nods absently.

Niall goes silent again for longer than usual. Shawn looks up to see his friend pensive.

“What?”

Niall shrugs and lifts his eyes to Shawn’s carefully. “Not the only thing you could be doing to manage this. The stress, ya know? And anxiety.”

Shawn bristles the way he does whenever someone suggests he’s not doing enough of something. Before he can open his mouth, Niall steps on his own words.

“I mean, ya know, there’s someone else ya can be seein’.”

Shawn’s face is blank. Niall’s going to have to explain the idea as painfully and awkwardly as it was explained to him by a friend a couple years ago.

“I’ve been seein’ a girl on and off for three years. Not always the same one, I mean. For stress relief.”

Shawn, as sweet and doe-eyed as he doesn’t want to be, isn’t picking up what Niall’s putting down.

“What, like a chiropractor?” Shawn guesses, his brow creasing.

Niall slugs back the last slurp of his beer. “No, like a domme.”

+

Penny waits until she’s back in her three bedroom Studio City home, quiet and removed in the hills just like she likes, to call Silver back.

Gus, her favorite agency driver, picked her up from the Santa Monica airport after she kissed one of her favorite clients, Victor Calhoun, goodbye and hauled in all her luggage from a week in St. Lucia. For barely needing to be dressed at all for a week, she brought a ton of shit with her. She makes a mental note to rethink that for next time, but she also thinks Victor likes that she’s high maintenance. Or seemingly high maintenance, she thinks with a smile as she pads barefoot around her cottage in panties and an old t-shirt, bag of popcorn in hand.

She drops onto her couch while the phone rings on speaker in her lap. She stretches out her slender legs, admiring her robust tan.

“Hey, bitch.”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Penny laughs, dropping some popped kernels into her mouth, “Been holding down the fort ok?”

“Yes, believe it or not, I survived a week without you. How was St. Lucia? Was Victor a very good boy?”

Penny smirks. “Always. So good, in fact, I’ve been taking low doses of muscle relaxants for three days to keep myself from getting lockjaw.”

Silver snorts. “That man loves a blow job.”

Penny sifts through some burnt kernels, locating an extra buttery looking piece toward the bottom of the bag and eyeing it like treasure.

“So,” she begins, crunching indelicately into the phone, “Tell me about Shawn Mendes. Who referred him?”

“Niall Horan.”

“Oh, he’s been seeing Karina, right?”

“Yep, she keeps him very much in line. He’s quiet about La Splendeur -- he’s not the guy telling all his friends about how much he’s paying to get dommed by a call girl. He’s selective with his referrals.”

Penny lifts an eyebrow and shrugs. “Those are usually our favorite kind of clients, I guess.”

Silver snorts. “Less messy, certainly. Anyway, Karina adores him, so that bodes well.”

“Who, Shawn?”

“No, actually, as far as I can tell, he’s new. None of my contacts have a history of him seeing anyone.”

Now Penny is really intrigued. It’s not that often she gets a client that has never seen a call girl before. Being a courtesan, the elitest of the elite escorts, clients generally work their way up the food chain to her.

But he’s new. Fresh, untouched, curious. Silver’s right. This is a special treat.

“Well, I downloaded his music, so I’ll have a listen. I recognize a few of the tracks. Anything else I should know?”

“Well, babe, no client history means you start from scratch, research-wise. I’d say be prepared for anything. He seems like your usual sweet, pretty boy, which as you know, can mean anything goes.”

Penny bobs her head thoughtfully, already mentally scanning wardrobe options and toys.

“When?”

“Thursday at 8, Chateau. Give you some time to recover from your potential lockjaw.”

Penny’s laugh is loud and sizzling, one she rarely uses in front of clients, but she and Silver have known each other a long time.

“Good. Plus, I like a few days of anticipation for new guys. Gets ‘em all worked up before I even get in the door.”

“And that is why you’re worth every Penny.”

Penny rolls her eyes and hangs up on the millionth time Silver has made that same adorably stupid joke.

+

Penny’s always liked the Chateau Marmont. It was the site of her first appointment. She remembers being nauseous with nerves walking through the doors that night, sure she’d be arrested just for stepping foot inside. She felt like she had the word “NEFARIOUS” stamped across her pretty forehead.

But she held her head high and focused on the rhythm of her Jimmy Choos, purchased especially for the occasion, on the fine marble floor. As instructed, she didn’t even spare a glance for the front desk. She strode in, not too fast, not too slow, and headed straight for the elevators. The concierge would recognize her from a picture passed along by her madam, Silver, and let her by without a problem. That’s one of Silver’s treasured trade secrets -- most working girls choose lower key locations for dates. Hiding in plain sight, especially at tourist attractions, heavily reduces suspicion, hence why Silver struck up a deal with the Chateau’s concierge years ago. Her girls get a pass, he gets a cut.

The booking is made under the name of the driver who arrives early to check in and drop off Penny’s suitcase while she window shops nearby or grabs a glass of wine at the bar. When the client arrives and is OK’d by the driver for security reasons, Penny gets a text and makes her entrance. Before the driver excuses himself to the car, he checks in with Silver to make sure the client’s wire transfer is complete. Once those initial checkpoints are crossed, the night is Penny’s.

Tonight is no different, really, Penny tells herself as she steps out of the Bentley, offered a hand by the Chateau’s valet. She sneaks him a sultry smile just because getting men squirming for her before she even meets her client feels like a good way to hype up.

But it feels different, somehow. The Hollywood evening’s breeze is especially pleasant, the hotel is especially quiet, and the night especially charged as she heads inside hugged in tastefully cut black satin and wearing her favorite black Roger Viviers. She ignores the way the hair on the back of her smooth olive neck stands on end when the elevator dings upon arrival to the specified floor.

Gus, standing outside the door in a dark suit with his arms crossed, gives her a nod, indicating all is set and well. She rises on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. She knows by now she can’t make Gus squirm, so she doesn’t try. He stands aside and opens the door.

He’s sitting on the couch, facing the windows on the opposite wall. His posture is hunched and she can see his shoulders are broad. She tries not to lick her lips.

He turns slightly, looking over his shoulder. His profile catches the orange lamplight. It’s even more magnificent in person. Penny feels a jolt from her squished toes up her very straight spine. She smiles.

He stands, one hand limp by his side, the other clutching a sweating glass of bourbon. Penny can’t wait to taste it on his pretty lips.

Facing her, his jaw tightens, muscles flexing, and his eyes darken just a shade, or maybe she imagines it because she bets hers do the same.

“Penny?”

His voice is a croak. He notices -- he goes magenta moments later. The familiar animal that lives in her stirs, stretching, limbering up.

“Hi, Shawn.”

-------

Ooooh it’s that time again! Ya girl has a new solo series to sink her teeth into. If you’re happy and you know it, buy me a Ko-fi (link on main page)!

Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @mendesoft @singanddreamanyway @alone-in-madness @abigfatmess @shawnitsmutual @awkwardfangirl2014 @september-lace @grittyisaho @sinplisticshawn @rollingxstone @yslsaint @randi-eve @fallmoreinlove @heyits-claire @itrocksmysocks @parkerspicedlatte @simpledomain @abeautiful-and-cloudy-day @thecurlsofgod

[youllallriseintheink]

Defining Memories, chapter 1

Thanks for showing support, guys. I appreciate it.

---

It had been an average day when it happened. Around eight that morning, ten men and three women found themselves in a misty void with nothing else in it but each other. Except for Henry. Henry lived several states away, so for him it was 10 am and he’d been pulled out of work. Disoriented, he looked around for someone he recognized. His eyes fell upon a blond, sharp-featured man. “Sammy? Sammy Lawrence?”

The man looked back at him, confused. “Henry? Why are you here?”

Henry laughed a little. “Good question. Why are we here?”

“No, I mean, why are you here with all of these Joey Drew Studios employees? You’re the odd one out.”

“Oh. Are there any other patterns you’ve noticed?”

Sammy turned away to look at the other eleven, an irritable look on his face. “Not really. We’ve got everyone from Mr. Piedmont to this joker.” He pointed at a lanky, boyish-looking man covered in freckles. The man had previously been chatting with an impish Irishman that Henry didn’t recognize.

“Henry?” Wally said, before tackling Henry with an energetic hug. “Well I’ll be! It must’ve been years since I’ve seen ya! How’s that studio down in California treatin’ you?”

Henry hugged him back. “Oh, it’s treating me well.”

“Where are my manners? It’s nice to see you again, Henry. Did you manage to patch things up with Linda?” Sammy asked, adding “sorry for snapping,” under his breath.

“Yep, we’ve been married a decade. And it’s fine, Sammy. This is a weird situation, and we should try to figure it out so we can get back to our lives. Let’s see... who’s all here?”

Henry could recognize a few people. Grant Cohen, the accountant that Henry had had a hand in hiring, was there. He had not aged well, looked washed out, and was freaking out over the situation, but at least there were some people with him. Henry remembered him as very shy. Beside him was a rather masculine woman Henry didn’t recognize, and Norman Polk, who was attempting to calm him down. Henry shuddered. Well, if Norman was still here, he must not have done anything bad to warrant firing him, at least, Henry figured. And if someone as nervous as Grant was apparently close to the strange, off-putting man, why should he creep Henry out?

A ways away from that, two women were murmuring to each other, confused. A grumpy, muscular man stood behind the brunette, silent and with crossed arms. It looked like two women, anyhow. They were both shapely, beautiful, and on the tall side, with flowing shoulder-length hair. One, however, had some healthy colour to her chestnut hair, grey eyes, and flushed skin. The other woman’s skin was a sickly pale grey, and everything else about her from her eyes to the dress she wore, to the strange scar on her bizarrely thin neck, was ink-black. And she had horns. Something about her clearly wasn’t natural.

Jack Fain was in the middle of the final group of people there, attempting to mediate a lively argument between two men. One of them was a tall, imposing creature in his sixties wearing a top hat. The other was... Oh, God. Henry did not like the look of this. “Joey.”

“Yeah, Joey,” Wally said. “He’s probably the one who brought us here, with all his fancy voodoo. What of it?”

“I just don’t know how to react. We haven’t contacted each other in years.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Wally’s Irish friend said, “that a fine fellow like you used to be friends with Mr. Drew?"

“Yep,” Henry said, his voice tinged with regret. “I guess I’ll just avoid him. He cut off contact with me when I left. If he wants to reconnect, he can make the first move.”

Henry wondered how his friend had changed over the years. He kept a big smile on his face even as he was all but yelling at the other man, which was no surprise. Joey always seemed cheerful, even when he wasn’t. And he looked as young as ever- no new lines on his face or so much as a single grey in his pitch-black hair. He had, however, lost a good deal of weight and had dark circles under his eyes. He was trying to seem as energetic as ever, but that came off even less genuine than his cheerfulness. It must still have been busy running the studio, because Joey looked drained of life.

Suddenly, a small yellow light flashed above Joey’s head and the room fell silent, all eyes landing on him.

“How dare you lie to the great Bertrum Piedmont?!” the other man boomed at Joey.

“I’m telling you,” Joey snapped, “I didn’t do jack shit!”

Suddenly, the environment changed. The purplish mist cleared to show a darkened studio. What seemed to be a copy of Joey was there, standing before the nozzle of a giant machine, which was making noise as though it was jammed. “What the Hell, Joey!” Shawn whispered.

The Joey clone appeared to get confused and impatient, and went to the back of the machine and tinkered with it a moment, pulling out film that had been caught in the machine. The machine clanked into motion. An inky creature, identifiable as Boris the wolf, fell out of its oversized nozzle moments later and fell to the ground with a splat. Joey approached and helped it up, a look of immense satisfaction on his face. “Well, welcome to the world, Boris.” His tone was gentle and fatherly. Aside from Thomas, who seemingly couldn’t even bring himself to look at the unfolding scene, everyone in the room was awestruck.

The creature looked around, confused and nervous. It held tight to Joey’s hand. Meanwhile, Joey was observing the beast in detail, looking for defects. “Perfect. Oh, don’t shiver. Don’t be scared. I have the perfect place for you to live. With my help, you’re going to make everyone happy.”

The Boris looked at Joey and nodded slightly, seemingly content with the offer. Then all at once, the creature’s demeanour changed. He stared at his paws, and in a panic reached up to feel his ears.

“Oh no. Buddy, is that you?”

The Boris glared at Joey, then grabbed his snout in shock upon realizing that he couldn’t speak.

“Now, Buddy,” Joey began nervously, “It’s okay. I saved-“ he was cut off by a solid blow to the face, knocking him to the ground. The Boris turned and ran in fear. He ran straight into the group, phasing right through Shawn without taking notice. Joey didn’t try running after the Boris, instead just dusting himself off. “So close now,” he whispered, smiling and cupping his now-bleeding face. “Just some personality issues to work out.”

The scene faded back into mist, and the Joey clone went with it.

Nervous chatter rose. “What the Hell was that?!” Lacie demanded, glaring at Joey Drew.

“A... memory.”

“A memory? Oh, sure. You created a living cartoon character out of some weird machine that looks like it belongs in a sci-fi movie. Just tell us why we’re here already.”

Henry felt someone grab his arm. It was Grant. Grant peered over his shoulder to make sure Joey was out of earshot, then whispered “do you have any idea what he wants to do to us?”

Henry shook his head.

Grant’s eyes darted about, and he let go of Henry’s arm. “Sorry. I just thought, since you used to know him well...”

In that moment, a glowing yellow light appeared over Bertrum’s head and the group fell silent. The scene shifted again.

The group was in what appeared to be a circus tent. A much younger Bertrum was there, having his tie adjusted by an older man with matching reddish brown hair. “Now Son,” The man said in deep, serious voice, “this might be your park. Your first park. But remember that it’s reflecting the entire Colossal Wonders dynasty. I don’t want anyone doubting our future, or my abilities as a parent.”

“You know I won’t disappoint!”

The older man patted his shoulder. “You never have.”

“And if this park does well-“

The older man’s face grew stern. “No, Bertrum. I’m not retiring. You will take this empire when I’m dead. Not that you aren't ready. I’m just not sick of this yet.”

“Right. Of course.”

Bertrum stepped out of the tent. To one side of him was a lovely amusement park, complete with games, clowns, roller coasters, and a giant, clown-themed Ferris Wheel, all well-tested and ready for commercial use. To the other side of him, was a crowd, separated from the fun by a gate. As he approached the gate’s entrance, their cheers grew louder, something that clearly delighted the young man. He accepted the ribbon-cutting scissors and drew them towards the ribbon, causing the crowd to roar louder and louder. Then, with a mischievous smile on his face, he stopped and lifted them back up, causing the crowd to fall silent. He repeated the motion twice more, clearly revelling in the control he had over the crowd as their cheers rose and fell with the scissors. Then, he lifted his arms and yelled, “just messin’ with ya, folks!” before cutting the ribbon in a quick motion. The crowd surged forwards, forcing a very proud Bertrum to move out of the way lest he be crushed.

The scene faded back into purple mist.

Bertrum wiped a tear from his eye. “That, I will admit, was a memory,” he said. The group was silent a while, processing the situation.

“So, these are memories,” Henry mused. “I guess the only thing to do is just to watch everyone’s, then.”

“It could be fun,” Joey said. “Why wouldn’t I want to get to know what makes my studio family tick?”

“It is nice to see that you’ve both made such spectacular things,” Allison agreed.

“And it looks like I’m next,” Sammy said, cupping a golden light in his hands.

[cottoncandyshawn]

Could you make a imagine of Shawn having a little daughter and accidentally hurting her feelings. Or one where his daughter gets mad that he has to leave all the time ❤️❤️

Here you go anon! I wrote this late last night (I finished it around 4 am to be exact) and I edited it very quickly after work today… hope it’s alright!

Word count: a little over 2k 

Two and a half weeks. That’s how long it had taken Shawn to pack his suitcases for his upcoming tour… which also happened to be his first tour after having his four year old daughter. It could have easily been done in a day, but the heartache of having to leave his own little family got the better of him and once he had started placing clothes in his suitcases, he very soon found himself being dragged away by his little girl.

The first few times, he didn’t even have a second thought about staying to complete the task on hand. Elle was always going to be his top priority, leaving his wife for tour was one thing… but leaving his daughter for months on end was going to rip his heart to pieces, so he made a silent promise to himself to spend as much time as he could with her until he had to leave. During the lead up to fly out day, he found himself playing dress-ups, having picnics in the backyard with all her toys, taking her for ice cream, baking cookies and cakes, play fighting, and even letting her paint his nails. Anything she wanted, she could have… that’s what Shawn had allowed both himself and his four year old to think.

Now there were only two days until he had to leave, and you watch from the kitchen bench as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Babe, do you know where my red hoodie is? The Givenchy one… you know, the new one?” He asks through a sigh as he strides past you and into the laundry to check the hamper.

“The last time I saw it was when you packed it last week.” You pause for a second to think. You’d seen Elle snooping around your room the other day as she babbled to herself. “Elle, bubba! Do you know where daddy’s red hoodie is?”

You see her freeze in place, all previous dance moves to the songs coming from the movie she was watching suddenly forgotten as she tries to think of an answer.

Moving her chocolate curls out of her eyes with her tiny hands as she scrunches her nose, looking like a carbon copy of her father, she laughs nervously.

“Ummmmm… Nope! I don’t have Dada’s hoodie.” Her eyes look almost anywhere but yours, a nervous habit of your own that she seems to have picked up.

Walking over to your little girl, you see her eyes widen as she cowers in fear. Her fingers twist around themselves as she forces a smile onto her face, pulling out all her best tricks as to not get caught.

“Babygirl, if you have it then you need to tell mommy, okay? I promise I won’t be mad, it’s just very important for daddy to take that one with him. I’m sure he’ll let you keep a different one if you ask him nicely-“ Your words are cut off by Shawn’s as he yells from your very nervous looking daughter’s bedroom.

“Why the fuck was it in Elle’s room? I leave in a couple days, I can’t afford to lose all my shit right now!”

“Shawn, language!” You say back sternly. Your mom voice bubbling out of its confines. Standing from your kneeling position in front of Elle, you make your way into your shared bedroom where Shawn is grumbling to himself and sorting his clothes messily. Reaching out, you place a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down a bit. “Baby, she’s just as scared as you are. She was just trying to keep something of yours for herself,” you speak softly, attempting to reason with him.

“Yeah, I know. Just not that one,” he says as his frame softens ever so slightly, “is she okay? She knows I leave in a couple days, right? You’ve talked to her about what’s gonna happen?”

“Yeah, we had a bit of a talk about it last night when I was putting her to bed. I saw her lip drop a bit when you found the jumper, so I think she’s just trying to be brave… braver than me, that’s for sure!” You giggle awkwardly as you wipe away a tear that has escaped your eye, your emotions suddenly catching up to you.

“C’mere, love. You know I’ll be able to fly the two of you out, we’ve done this before. I need you to be strong for my little bear while I’m away, though. I don’t think she understands how long I’ll actually be gone for.” By now your arms are wrapped tightly around your husband’s middle while you sniffle some tears back in the crook of his neck. His head tips down to leave a couple loving kisses on the side of your head, whispering a series of “I love you’s” in your ear. The tickle of his breath making you laugh through your tears, bringing a sad, but amused, smile to his features.

A small voice pulls you out of the moment as you hear a light tapping on your open bedroom door.

“Dada?”

“Hey muffin, c’mere!” Shawn speaks, kneeling down to the small child’s height and opening his arms, expecting her to run into them like she usually would. This time she doesn’t and he’s left hanging. “Elle, baby, what’s the matter? Where’s that pretty smile of yours?”

You watch silently as you see her bottom lip jut out and her chin crinkle. The natural sparkle in her young eyes turning into a wet gloss, and you know this look all too well.

“I don’t feel like smiling dada, I’m sad-“ she’s cut off by her own sobs. It’s the start of a cry that you know she’s been holding back for days now. You’d been doing the same. You see your husband’s shoulders slouch as he faces the reality of the moment. Neither of you were prepared for this moment. He launches forward and captures his small creation in his arms, being taken back to the moment he first heard her cry and he was able to hold her in the delivery room. He holds her close, just how she needed, her head pressed tightly against his chest, as if he was trying to show her that his heart was breaking over this too.

“Baby, don’t cry! I have to go, it’s for work, remember?”

“But why dada?!”

“C’mon, Elle. Daddy will bring you home lots of toys, and sometimes you’ll be able to come see me, and watch me sing, and-“

“I don’t care!” She speaks louder, pushing herself away from his chest to look at his suitcases. Her head falls back as she lets out a louder cry, her hair sticking to her wet, tear covered face. Shawn’s hands move frantically to try and brush the mess of hair away from her face, but she whines and pushes him away further.

“NO DADA! DON’T TOUCH ME,” she yells, a strong frown finding its way onto her tiny face. You watch her carefully, trying to figure out her next move. But, she shocks both her parents when she reaches for the neatly packed clothes in the suitcases and starts throwing them out and onto the floor.

“Elle! Stop it, I spent ages packing those!” Shawn speaks as he wraps his hands around her tiny wrists.

Her temper gets the better of her while she’s mid tantrum and the words leave her mouth without her thinking.

“NO DADA! I HATE IT AND I HATE YOU!”

Silence. Heavy sobs, and silence.

That’s all that could be heard before she broke free of Shawn’s limp hands and ran to you, wrapping her tiny arms around whatever part of you she could reach first. All three of you were in some form of shock, the words that left your four year old’s tiny mouth were so, so, so unlike her.

You watch as your husband rises to his feet again, turning towards you, you can see how glassy his eyes are.

“I, uh- I’m gonna go for a quick drive. Might drop by the store to see if theres anything I need, um… last minute.” With that he silently leaves the room. You hear him grab his keys and then the front door open and shut.

A couple minutes pass and you let Elle cry out all her emotions out into the collar of your shirt. When her whimpers begin to die down, she pulls away and asks for a cup of water in the tiniest voice.

Once she’s sat at the bench and sipping at her water, you decide to question her about her harsh words.

“Sweet pea, why did you tell daddy you hated him? You know that’s a very strong word…”

“I didn’t mean it, mommy. I just don’t want dada to go away from me. We always have so much fun and now I won’t have him anymore!” Her bottom lip starts to quiver again, but you spring to action before she can cry again… her infamous ‘second cry’ was a habit she definitely got from you.

“Munchkin, just because he’s going away, that doesn’t mean you won’t get to have fun with him! We still get to FaceTime him, we can call him, and he can even fly us out to see him!”

There’s a short moment of silence as she sits and thinks.

“Mommy?”

“What’s up, darling?”

“Can I make dada a card and a drawing? To say that I’m sorry for saying something I didn’t mean to him?”

“I think that’s a great idea, baby! While you draw and decorate your card, I’ll go fix up daddy’s clothes,” you say in an upbeat tone as you grab some paper and pencils for her, folding a sheet in half to make the card. As you start to walk off to your bedroom, you hear your daughter speaks up again.

“Oh… mommy?”

“Mhmm, yeah?”

“Can you do the writing for me? I don’t want to mess it up…”

“You know, baby… I think it will be more special to daddy if you do it yourself. What do you think?”

“Okay, I’ll try my hardest!”

______

Shawn returns home just before dinner, it’s clear that he’s been crying for a few hours. The tear stains on his cheeks looking like they’ll never disappear.

“Hey, I, um… I got you some more of that cereal you used to eat when I was away, back when we were dating… you remember the one? I thought you might like it, but now that I think about it, it’s kind of stupid so-”

“Come here, Shawn,” your words are gentle, knowing that he’ll need it after taking a blow like that from the tiny girl who holds his heart in both hands.

He drops the shopping bags to the floor and rushes towards you. His arms wrap around your frame so tight that you stumble back in his grip a bit. He lets out a heart broken sob, the type you’d only heard from him when he’d had anxiety attacks in the past. So you held him like the fragile human he was deep down, cradling his head in your palm as you gently ran a hand over his back to comfort him.

“She said she hated me, I didn’t know what to do,” he mumbled into your dampened pyjama shirt.

“Shawn, I think you need to take a moment. Wash your face, babe, and then go see her in her room. She’s been working really hard on an apology since you left.”

He straightens up and wipes his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, quickly rinsing his face under the cold tap water and preparing himself to see his little girl again.

As he makes his way to her room, with you following at a distance as to not miss what was about to happen, he knocks gently on her door with his knuckle,

“Princess, it’s daddy. Can I come in?” Laughing softly at the small gasp that leaves her mouth as she whispers something to her toys.

“Come in dada!”

When he opens the door, his heart melts at the small tea party she has set up for the two of them. She stands on the opposite end of the room in her bright pink princess dress, as she gestures for him to take his seat, and so he does.

“Dada,” she starts. Her voice shaky as she starts to get upset again, but she pulls herself together before she continues. “Dada, I’m sorry for the nasty words I said. I didn’t mean them, and I love you so, so, so, so much.”

She reaches behind her to retrieve the plastic crown that her father has claimed as his own.

“You’re my Prince Charming, dada. I love you very much!” She races towards him, her puffy dress rustling as her tiny legs move her across the room. Once in front of him she leans  up to place the crown on his head, along with a sloppy, love-filled kiss on her father’s cheek.

After a little while of the two of them chatting over pretend tea, Shawn lets out a quick gasp.

“Oh! Stay right there, princess. I almost forgot something. You watch him run towards the kitchen and then to your bedroom to retrieve something, he catches a glance at your confused stare as he runs past you again with a bag full of god knows what.

“Elle, I did some thinking while I went on my drive. I was thinking about how you gave me your teddy so that you’d always be with me while I’m gone, so I decided that I want you to keep this one for yourself!” He says excitedly, as he pulls out the bright red hoodie your daughter had stolen earlier, the look of pure joy on her face makes every inch of your body prickly with goosebumps.

“And, just so that we have something extra special, I bought us these matching hoodies too. So, now we have something of each other’s, and something to share!”

The small girl leaps over the table and into her father’s arms in an instant. Her dress puffing up to her shoulders as she hugs her idol with every ounce of love she has.

It’s quiet, but you hear it. The sweet exchange that made your heart swell.

“I love you, Elle.”

“I love you, dada”

[violetwolfraven]

Ninjago Playlists

(Playlists of songs that remind me of each character and short excerpts from the lyrics of each)

Kai:

Natural by Imagine Dragons (Tell me, will the stars align, will heaven step in will it save us from our sin will it cause this house of mine, stands strong. That’s the price you pay, leave behind your heartache, cast away. Just another product of today.)

Hey Brother by Avicci (Hey, Brother. Do you still believe in one another? Hey, Sister. Know the water’s thick, but blood is thicker. Oh, and if the sky comes falling down, for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.)

Wings by Little Mix (Mama told me not to waste my life. She said spread your wings, my little butterfly. Don’t let what they say keep you up at night. And if they give you shhh... then they can walk on by.)

Zane:

See You Again by Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth (It’s been a long day without you, my friend. And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. We’ve come a long way, from where we began. Oh, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again.)

Titanium by David Guetta (I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Riccochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away. Shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am titanium.)

No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine (You are the hole in my head. You are the space in my bed. You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said. You are the nighttime fear, you are the morning when it’s clear. When it’s over, you’re the start. You’re in my head, you’re in my heart.)

Jay:

I Lived by One Republic (Hope when the moment comes, you say, I, I did it all. And I, I did it all. I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places and things that I did, yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived.)

To the Sky by Owl City (Bird’s eye view. Awake the stars cause they’re all around you. Wide eyes will always brighten the blue. Chase your dreams, and remember me, sweet bravery, cause, after all, those dreams will take you up so high, so bid the forest floor goodbye as you race the wind and, take to the sky.)

Thunder by Imagine Dragons (Just a young gun, with a quick fuse. I was uptight, wanna let loose. I was dreaming of bigger things and wanna leave my old life behind. Not have a yes-sir. Not a follower. Fit the box, fit the mold, have a seat in the foyer, take a number. I was lightning, before the thunder.)

Cole:

Who We Are by Imagine Dragons (It’s who we are, doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far, doesn’t matter if it’s all okay, doesn’t matter if it’s not our day. Won’t you save us, what we are, don’t look clear it’s all uphill from here.)

Noah’s Ark by Young Heretics (Noah’s ark can’t save us all. Binary against the squall. And in its wake, good men will fall. And finally we can move on.)

100 Bad Days by AJR (When all is going wrong and you’re scared as hell, whatcha gonna do, who you gonna tell? Maybe, 100 bad days made 100 good stories. 100 good stories make me interesting at parties.)

Lloyd:

Whatever it Takes by Imagine Dragons (Looking at my years like a martyrdom, everybody needs to be a part of them, never be enough, I’m the prodigal son, I was born to run, I was born for this.)

Explosions by Ellie Goulding (Explosions, on the day you wake up, needing somebody and you’ve learned... it’s okay to be afraid. But it will never be the same.)

Centuries by Fall Out Boy (Some legends are gold. Some turn to dust or to gold. But you will remember me. Remember me for centuries. And just one mistake, is all it will take. To go down in history. Remember me for centuries.)

Nya:

Alive by Sia (I was born in a thunderstorm. I grew up overnight. I played alone. I played on my own. I survived.)

Natural by Imagine Dragons (Will you hold the line? When every one of them is giving up or giving in, tell me, in this house of mine. Nothing ever comes without a consequence, a cost, tell me, will the stars align?)

I See Fire by Jasmine Thompson (Oh, misty eye of the mountain below. Keep careful watch o’er my brothers’ souls. And if the sky be filled with fire and smoke, keep watching over Durin’s sons.)

Wu:

When We Were Young by Lost Kings (For a second, for a minute can we go? For a second, for a minute can we go, can we go back when we were young? And didn’t care if we messed up. We have forever, so we got lost in each other cause time wasn’t catching, time wasn’t catching us.)

Good Old Days by Macklemore, feat. Kesha (I wish somebody would have told me then, that someday these would be the good old days. All the love you won’t forget, and all these reckless nights you won’t regret. Someday soon your whole life’s gonna change. You’ll miss the magic of the good old days.)

Lean on Me by Bill Withers (Lean on me, when you’re not strong. I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on. Just call on me, brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on.)

Garmadon:

Control by Halsey (I’m bigger than my body. I’m colder than this home. I’m meaner than my demons. I’m bigger than these bones. And all the kids cried out, please stop you’re scaring me, I can’t help this awful energy, goddamn right you should be scared of me, who is in control?)

Nightmare by NateWantsToBattle (We’re only kids who lost our way. But if we wait long enough, we will be saved. Just sleep, just dream. This isn’t fair, no we’re not just what we seem. We want to fly but our souls are trapped inside. It’s not a game, not to blame, we’re forced to hide. Just sleep, just dream. It’s only a nightmare and soon we’ll be set free.)

Monster by Imagine Dragons (I’m only a man with a candle to guide me. I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me. A monster, a monster, I’ve turned into a monster. A monster, a monster, and it keeps getting stronger.)

Pixal:

Never Be Alone by Shawn Mendes (Take a piece of my heart, so when we are apart, you’ll never be alone. You’ll never be alone.)

Gasoline by Halsey (You can’t wake up, this is not a dream. You’re part of a machine, you are not a human being. With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline.)

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons (I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow. Welcome to the new age, to the new age, welcome to the new age, to the new age.)

Skylor:

Glory and Gore by Lorde (You could try and take us, but we’re the gladiators, everyone a rager, but secretly they’re saviors. Glory and gore go hand in hand. That’s why we’re making headlines. You could try and take us, but victory’s contagious.)

Try by P!nk (Where there is a fire, there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned. Well, just because it burns, doesn’t mean you’re gonna die. You gotta get up and try, try, try.)

I Walk The Line by Halsey (I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Because you’re mine...I walk the line.)

Harumi:

The Devil Within by Digital Daggers (I’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know I’m here, you won’t suspect a thing, you won’t see me in the mirror. But I’ve crept into your heart, you can’t make me disappear, till I make you.)

you should see me in a crown by Billie Eilish (Bite my tongue, bide my time. Wearing a warning sign. Wait till the world is mine. Visions I vandalize. Cold in my kingdom size. Fell for my ocean eyes.)

Angry Too by Lola Blanc (And does it get your blood boiling? And does it make you see red? Do you want to destroy it? And does it get in your head? Cause it gets my blood boiling. And I’m coming unglued. It would hit you like poison, if you knew what I knew. You would be angry, too.)