#but i guess thats how people get happiness eh?

[the-cinnamon-snail]

I look too much like both of my parents and act too much like them as well.

[pacifymebby]

Hello can I request the peaky blinders x selective mute reader pls, do you think any of them would understand what's going on or are they completely in the dark? And how would you think they would react to hearing your voice for the first time?

Tommy

🌿 Is drawn in by it, thinks you're mysterious, presumes you're like him and that you're just above the meaningless conversations people fritter through at the Garrison or the markets... He thinks you must be deeper than all that.

🌿 So he's endeared to you, but he's projecting this image he has of you onto you, not necessarily seeing the real you at all. He has this view of some, cool and removed, sharp girl...

🌿 But then he tries to speak to you directly and he notices the way you don't look him in the eye, the way you look to your friend for help only to find your friend has unfortunately been stunned into silence by the presence of Tommy Shelby.

🌿When your friend pulls herself together and apologises, and apologises on your behalf too, Tommy doesn't take his eyes off you, because you still haven't looked at him and he knows youre not going to talk...

🌿 Would want to unravel the mystery, get close to you, know you better than anyone else... Hes always very gentle and charming. He's realised now that he might scare you and so he's more careful not wanting to frighten you, never stern or sharp with you the way he often is with others.

🌿 He's persistent as fuck. Often if he sees you in public he'll say hello, he'll talk to you about what he's doing and he'll try to find things to mention about you. He almost always says something complimentary about your appearance, leaves you blushing nine times out of ten.

🌿 Hes always so calm and polite around you, you actually end up seeing and getting to know a completely different Tommy than anyone else.

🌿 It takes a long time for him to win your trust and keep your confidence but as time goes by you begin looking forward to seeing him, secretly hoping he'll come and sit with you in the Garrison. And whenever he sees you he always does.

🌿 Something about Tommy is that he's quite happy to sit in silence, he likes his thinking time, his peace and quiet and he likes just sitting in silence with you, watching the world go by, watching you.

🌿 He feels so pleased when you finally say something but doesnt show how shocked or pleased he is, just smiles softly and replies to you as if you were anyone else... Because he doesnt want to make a fuss and embarrass you and he doesn't want to behave as if your behaviour is abnormal for fear you'll be too anxious to try and speak again.

🌿 Won't rescue you in conversation because he wants you to know you don't need rescuing, that youre capable of speaking up for yourself.

🌿 He gently encourages eye contact, always correcting your gaze when he talks to you. He often cups your cheek in his hand when he's having a conversation with you, its this reassuring contact which also allows him to keep pushing your gaze gently back to his.

🌿 "Look at me angel, thats better... You've got lovely eyes y/n, let me look at you eh?" he's so gentle with you, his voice becomes a reassuring sound and even if you're still quiet with him, you feel comfortable and slowly, slowly Tommy helps you to build your confidence.

🌿 He'll never cut you off. Ever. Every word that leaves your lips is precious to him and he will never interrupt you. He knows that if he does you'll lose your confidence and start second guessing yourself so he always listens to you, always encourages you to finish what you were saying when you trail off or start to get shy and nervous.

Alfie

🐻 Is endeared to you, but concerned for you too. This is a nasty bit of town you're living in and a girl who can't speak up for herself could wind up in all sorts of trouble.

🐻 The first time he meets you he says all that, he's gruff and grumpy and he doesn't realise until its too late that he's making things so much harder for himself.

🐻 Because you're scared of him then, every time you see him you try to slip away and thats very inconvenient because Alfie is actually quite fond of you, and he wants to look out for you.

🐻 He thinks you're adorable and he's sure you must be one of the sweetest girls he's ever met. He wants to hear your voice, get to know you...

🐻 So he has to change his tact, from then on he's a complete softie with you, he's gentle, he's calm and softly spoken, he doesnt grumble or snap and he tries to hard to be friendly, nothing but charming.

🐻 Luckily for Alfie he can do enough talking for the both of you and your silence is hardly noticeable. He will walk with you through Camden Market, or wherever you're going actually (he's impossible to shake because he wants everyone to see you with him so that no one will think of messing with you) and he'll talk and talk and well... Talk at you, telling you all sorts of stories.

🐻 It takes time you do eventually warm to him. You look forward to seeing him and you enjoy listening to him. You find him very funny and he makes you laugh a lot, even though whenever he does you try to hide it or hold it back. His favourite sound in the world is your little giggle muffled by your hands or your sleeves.

🐻 Sometimes he'll get carried away and realise when its already too late that the story he's telling you is actually probably quite scary, its probably intimidating you...so he'll apologise and cough a little awkwardly and try to change the subject to something softer...

🐻 And thats what makes you speak up, one day he coughs and tries to change the subject just when he was getting to the gory details of a story he's telling you about ghosts people say they've seen down Camden Lock. He tries to change the subject and start talking about something else when you cut him off.

🐻 "Wait don't!" you shock yourself and blush immediately regretting cutting him off, you feel all kinds of anxious, expecting him to be annoyed with you but he isn't. Instead he just chuckles and asks "Don't what poppet?"

🐻 You're not sure you can speak up again, losing your voice immediately but Alfie thinks he knows and he chuckles, "you want to know more about the ghosts?" he asks and when you nod he tries to tease you, "say please..." you panic feeling the tightness in your throat until he smiles and shakes his head and gives your hand a squeeze. "Don't worry zieskiet, don't worry I'm just kidding with you, I know... Very cruel of me want it, I'm sorry poppet..."

🐻 Alfie feels a fatherly protectiveness over you, he can tell that youre an intelligent girl, he can see you have so much potential. He wants you to be more confident, wants you to be able to stand up for yourself, speak for yourself. He's sure you have so many interesting things to say...

🐻 He'll kind of daddy you through it, lots of gentle encouragement but also being kind of firm with you too. He'll ask you questions, he'll be soft with you, but he'll wait for you to answer him. He'll be very encouraging.

🐻 He'll constantly reassure you that he wants to listen to you, that your opinions are valuable, that he'll hear you when you talk to him. "All those thoughts you've got floating around your pretty head y/n, the big ones and all the little ones too right, they're important and I wanna hear every last one yeah... You can tell me anything you like, whenever you like right and I, will always be hear to listen to you yeah, cause you're a smart girl, and everything you think and feel yeah, important... Got that?"

🐻 He'll practice conversations with you, like basic every day conversations. And he'll be so laidback about it too, he won't lie or over complicate thingd. "See right, when you go down the market and such and such whatever his name is, yknow the ugly fella with them big fuckin Cauliflower ears, when he asks how you are right... You don't have to actuually tell him the truth you know... You could just say 'fine thanks' or 'perfectly happy mr Cauliflower ears' or 'fuckin miserable leave me alone' you know... Alright zieskiet you practice on me yeah, you pretend I'm mr fuckin Cauliflower ears and you tell me what you wanna buy from my shit little market stall yeah? Well done poppet, see we're gettin there aren't we... "

🐻 Selfishly he has to admit he enjoys the way you'll only talk to him, the way you look to him so dependently. He loves the way you turn to him when youre lost in conversation, feeling scared or overwhelmed. And he'll never let you down. When you look at him with those wide eyes he will always help you, whether that's answering for you (he feeks so proud that you trust him enough to look to him to do this for you) or whether its giving your hand a squeeze and giving you the gentle encouragement you need to find your words again.

Arthur

🍂 Honestly? You make him nervous. Well, silence makes him nervous, not you personally, it's just that you're a very quiet lass and when he's left alone with you he feels under pressure to speak because you never do.

🍂He ends up saying really stupid things, stumbling over his words, getting frustrated with himself and blushing, he would seem shy if he didn't just come out with every thought that crosses his mind.

🍂 "Funny weather we're having ain't it, well you know, not funny, nah, no one finds fucking weather funny do they, you don't see people laughing at the sun do you, nah I meant like... fuck sake I don't know what I meant..." Him trailing off, you watching him curiously, he's quite endearing, not as intimidating as other people.

🍂 Seconds later he starts talking again, "so what brings you to this end of town love? You don't really look like the kind of girl who should be sitting outside my brothers office on her own... now I'm not being rude, I don't mean you look weird or you know.. I don't fuckin know, I'm not trying to be rude lass I promise, I'm just..."

🍂 His awkwardness makes you laugh, you giggle when he gets flustered and so your laugh is the first thing he hears. And he loves it. He laughs with you, awkwardly, but decides he wants to hear your laugh over and over again.

🍂 He thinks you're probably scared of him and his family, and he's not wrong exactly, its just that everyone intimidates you and no matter who you're socialising with its scary.

🍂 So he tries to put you at ease by being gentle, kind and soft. He tries not to swear in front of you but thats quite hard for Arthur since he's got the pottiest mouth in town and he's always getting annoyed and swearing.

🍂 He does a lot of "fuck... sorry love I mean... f.." opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish because he can't think of any other word that isn't a curse.

🍂 And you find this very funny so you do a lot of giggling and he does a lot of blushing and although things are very awkward between you you warm to him very quickly. He doesn't scare you as much as other people even though he should.

🍂 Maybe its his own nerves that put you at ease, the way you can tell that it isn't easy for him either. The fact that he's always embarrassing himself in front of you... it makes you feel like he isn't judging you.

🍂 Arthur understands you a little, even if he doesn't understand exactly what's going on with you. He thinks you're scared/ shy and doesn't necessarily understand that there's more than that going on. He too struggles to regulate his emotions and finds a lot of things about the world quite scary deep down so he empathises with your anxiety and he understands why you always look so scared and overwhelmed. Its how he would look if he was allowed to express himself, if he didn't have to put on the tough guy act all the time.

🍂 The first time you speak to him its because he's said something daft again and is cursing himself for being "such a stupid fuckin dinlow sometimes..." Whenever you hear him put himself down you always want to argue with him but you never build up the courage in time and the moment passes just as awkwardly as it always does. But today it just slips out. "You're not..." you barely say anything at all but those two words fill Arthur with so much joy he can't keep the smile and the blush from his cheeks. He's really proud that you've spoken to him, since you never speak to anyone else around these parts.

🍂 He kind of gets his hopes up then that you're going to do the talking but of course that isn't how this works. He's disappointed at first but you've given him hope with those two words and every conversation he has with you from then on he sees as another opportunity to hear your voice.

🍂 He wants to help you to speak and he tells you that in his own way, "its a shame for you ain't it, I'm not exactly fuckin... shit I'm sorry lass... and sorry about that too I spose, I meant, am not exactly very good at this either am I... conversation like, it ain't really my strong point.."

🍂 but you'd just smile, a warm smile, half a laugh. Enough for Arthur to understand you're enjoying his company, he isn't scaring you, he's making you happy. Which is actually all he wants to do.

John

🌼 John takes it personally, he's heard you talking to his Aunt Pol before, and you talk to Bonnie Gold! But never to him. He thinks it isn't fair and it wounds his ego because he can't understand why you don't like him.

🌼 He becomes convinced it's his fault, that there must be something he's done to upset you. Tries going over everything he's ever said to you but he knows he's only ever been friendly. So then he gets more frustrated and more wounded and he starts getting sulky.

🌼 Probably stops speaking to you, probably avoids you when he can and, when he can't he probably gives you all these sullen glances and sulky looks that make you feel all the more nervous around him.

🌼 In the end Bonnie starts picking on him about it, telling him not to glare at you the way he does. "Girls shy enough as it is and you're not helping are ye..." "That girl doesn't fuckin like me anyway does she..." Bonnie would laugh at him then, "fuckin dinlow."

🌼 When Bonnie explains that you're shy John has a hard time believing him, "if she's just shy..." "she's not just shy... dinlow, its more than that... if you want her to speak to you you have to win her trust... show her you're not gonna make her regret speaking to ye.... that means smile at her steada whatever that sulkings all about eh..."

🌼 John begrudgingly accepts and tries to follow Bonnie's advice but its difficult. He's used to lasses smiling and flirting with him, he's used to girls who take to his charm immediately, but you can hardly even look at him.

🌼 He's definitely the sort to think that giving you little gifts like the odd flower is going to "bribe" you into speaking to him, and whenever these gifts fail to do so he is always surprised (because he's stupid and doesn't learn) and a little disappointed but not deterred.

🌼 He will pester the living daylights out of anyone you do speak to to find out if you ever say anything about him and when Bonnie says "oh aye she asked about you the other day yeah mate..." "What? What did she say?" "Oh god i dont know let me think... I think she said somet like 'here bon, my best friend in the whole wide world, you know John Shelby don't you... Do you know why he won't leave me the fuck alone?"

🌼 John will just blink back at him stunned, realising hes joking when Bonnie splits a grin and starts laughing at him. "Nah she hasn't said anythin but thats probably a good thing..."

🌼 So poor John has to persist, trying not to let it get to him the way you shy away from him. Its as if you're so scared of him and all he wants to do is show you you've nothing to worry about with him.

🌼 He gets really protective over you, always jumping to your defense when someone complains about how quiet you are. If someone says "she makes me nervous..." You're sure to hear John grumble, "here, mate... I'll give you somet to be nervous about..."

🌼 Eventually all his protectiveness, his little gifts, the way he just doesn't seem to want to give up on you, chips away at your anxiety and leaves you feeling comfortable enough to say "thank you," when he gives you a flower, and to ask him what hes giving it to you for. "Pretty girls deserve pretty things I spose..."

🌼 Naturally that embarasses you making you blush and avert your gaze. John wouldn't know whether it was a good sign or not but he'd try his best to think positively. He'd smile and shove his hands in your pockets and say something like, "not much of a talker are you lass? S'alright i can do the talking for both of us..."

🌼 He'll rescue you in conversation, when someone asks you a question he'll answer for you if you look lost. He'll introduce you to new people and he'll make light of the way you can't speak so that its not awkward and no one thinks you're being rude.

🌼 When it occurs to him one day that you just said hello to him first he'll be stunned, he'll grin the biggest grin and probably pull you in for a shocker of a hug. He can't help it, he's really happy but also really proud of you too.

🌼 No one really understands how the two of you came to be so close since you're practically polar opposites but thats because no one else really sees John's gentler side. His carefulness which is reserved only for you.

🌼 He has that natural fatherly worrying instinct, he worries about how you'll cope when he's not there and whenever you're going out with Ada and the girls he gives them strict instructions to look out for you.

🌼 He probably worries that if something happens to you you will be too scared to shout for help so he gives you a whistle to wear around your neck on a little chain. He says if anything happens to you and you can't shout for help you're to blow the whistle.

,🌼 makes you practice because he knows you well enough to know that if it comes to it you probably won't blow the fucking whistle.

Bonnie

🍀 Thinks he might understand whats going on. He's perceptive, he has to be as a boxer and as a peaky boy. He's good at noticing things about his opponents in the ring, when theyre nervous, when theyre worn out... He's good at sensing fear too, he knows exactly how to read his enemies mind, find their weak spots without moving a muscle or saying a word.

🍀 So he notices things about you pretty quickly. He can tell by studying your expression when you're in a group, or when he tries to talk to you that you're scared and uncertain. The way you never look anyone in the eyes, the way you freeze up and try to shrink away into your clothes when someone says your name.

🍀 At first he thinks you're just shy, and to be honest he's not exactly used to shy girls. None of his sisters or any of the girls he grew up with are shy. Quite the opposite actually. So this is unfamiliar territory...

🍀 Even so, Bonnie is an optimistic lad at the very least, obnoxiously persistent in the eyes of those less forgiving. So he doesn't give up. He tries his very best to bring you out of your shell.

🍀 He makes a point of always smiling at you, always meeting your gaze even if only for a second, he speaks to you directly, always makes sure to say hello to you directly even when you're in a group. He doesnt push it further than that at first but over time, when you start to smile back, he starts asking you questions, and when you don't answer he starts answering the questions too, "hows your week been?... Ah well mines been alright can't complain you know... Got a fight coming up you know... Come see me if you like am gonna win in the fourth round..."

🍀 Maybe he's naive but he thinks he can probably trust you with his secrets... Who are you going to tell them to afterall.

🍀 When he feels close enough to you he'll probably make that joke and hope to god you laugh rather than hit him for it.

🍀 The longer this all goes on though the more Bonnie begins to wonder if you're really "just shy" or if its somethint else. Something deeper than that?

🍀 He's extremely patient though and he will rescue you in conversations when he sees you need it, he's actually very protective over you and it genuinely hurts his wee heart when he sees you looking scared and awkward, if he thinks you're struggling he'll swoop in to rescue you, sometimes without even thinking about what he's saying so that he embarrasses himself. But no bother eh, anything to take the pressure is off you.

🍀 The first time he hears you laughing its because he's a embarassed himself in front of the peaky boys. You'd usually feel far too uncomfortable to laugh at anything, choking back your laughter, clenching your fists and holding your breath to keep it inside. But Bonnie makes you feel safe, and you're always just a little more comfortable when hes around.

🍀 So when he says the stupidest thing you think you have ever heard, the giggle just tumbles out of you and doesn't stop. Everyone's looking at you in shock because you've only ever smirked at most in the past. When you realise everyones looking at you you go quiet again but your eyes find Bonnies and the warmth of his smile settles your anxieties and reassures you that everythings okay.

🍀 For as much as Bonnie will always rescue you in conversations and speak up when you can't, he can see how much pain you're in, how anxious you seem to be all the time and he'll want to help you. He wants you to be happy and confident enough to speak for yourself even when he isn't around.

🍀So he'll try his best when its just the two of you, not to rescue you when you lose your words. Instead he'll take your chin with his finger, tilt your gaze back up to his and hold eye contact with you saying something like "go on lovely, what were you going to say?"

🍀 He makes sure you can see he's listening to you. If you're in a group and you try to speak but no one hears you, Bonnie will make sure people hear you and don't forget about you. All these little things build your confidence slowly over time.

🍀 And when you are anxious his hand always manages to find yours giving you a reassuring squeeze. Bonnie is all about showing you he is there for you.

🍀You develop this kind of telepathy almost, a simple look is enough from either of you to make the other laugh or understand exactly what youre both thinking. He'll look to you and roll his eyes when his dad is talking and when you start laughing everyone will know its the two of you up to no good again.

🍀People say he brings out the worst in you, hes a bad influence, but he's the opposite actually and everyone can see how much happier you are when you're with him. His confidence and happy go lucky nature brings out a calmer less anxious side to you and you've never smiled more than when you're with him.

🍀 One of your things is not ever being able to address someone by their name so he kind of craves hearing u say his. And whenever you do he loves it!

Isaiah

🐀It drives him crazy because he knows you can talk. He knows you're just "choosing" not to talk when he's around. He's interjected in conversations in which you were talking to Ada before and literally watched the smile fall from your lips at the sight of him...

🐀So much like John his ego is wounded and he just gets frustrated trying to work out what he's done wrong. Why you don't like him.

🐀It wouldn't actually occur to him that you might be scared of him because he's with the Peaky Blinders. Ada has to point that out to him... But even when she does he just shrugs and says he doesn't understand. "I'm nice? I don't get it, I'm always fuckin nice!"

🐀He copes with his insecurity about you by teasing you, making little jokes about how you never speak. He calls you little mouse because you're so mousy and shy. Ada tells him off for this so many times but trying to laugh at the fact you won't talk to hin is the only way he can be less embarrassed about the fact that you don't like him.

🐀He will be too embarrassed about his insecurity to ask anyone for any real advice, he'll just keep going, making the jokes, knowing hes making things worse.

🐀Finally when he gets you alone one day, he'll get annoyed at the awkward silence between you and suddenly just let everything out confessing everything to you. "I know you don't like me very much sweetheart, know you probably wish I'd shut up and leave you the fuck alone right now eh but I just wanna know what I've done like... Always try me best to be fuckin nice to you don't I but I don't reckon I have been cause you don't seem to have warmed up to me much do you... "

🐀"Yknow I don't mean anythin by any of that stupid shite i say don't you mousy... Truth is i think you're a really sweet little lass, all i really wants well, i dont know... Just a little hello every now and then would do... Just want to feel like we're friends... "

🐀When you still cant respond and you flee he just has to accept it and take the L cause he deserved it for taking the mickey out of you for as long as he has done. Honestly it's going to take such a long time for him to win your trust now.

🐀He'd maybe even need to give you a little space, get used to the fact that you aren't going to speak, accept that you're going to be quiet and shy and that you probably won't even look at him.

🐀He has a lot of learning to do tbh, like he has to learn that your silence isn't a reflection of him, it doesn't mean you don't like him. He basically has to work on his own self confidence (and i mean his real deep internal self esteem not that cocky arrogant front he puts on in front of others) he has to really work on his own sense of self and then look to working on his relationship with you

🐀He goes from being your most frustrating tormenter to your most fierce protector. If he ever catches anyone making jokes about you he'll shoot them down, sarcastically laugh at them all "like she hasn't heard that before cunt..."

🐀I think it takes Isaiah the longest to hear you speak. And then when you finally do he gets shy and paranoid he's going to fuck it up, that hes going to do the wrong thing and you'll never want to speak to him again.

🐀All you said was hello, a simple hello in response to his, that was it. But he forgets how to speak, just looks at you blankly, manages to smile and just sort of repeats himself, says hello again and gets awkward. Which makes you awkward too. You smile but you shrink away because you really need him to lead a conversation.

🐀Pulls himself together in time to say its nice to see you. You kind of just have this awkward conversation where everything he says you repeat back and he has to stop himself from repeating again, you just go round in cirlcles until Ada cuts in and rescues you both.

🐀One day he asks if you can forgive him for having been such a stupid git to you in the beginning and hes so relieved when you nod your head and let him take your hand.

🐀Considering how scared you used to be of him and his stupid jokes you feel so close to him now. No ones ever put this much effort into getting to know you and trying to win your trust.

🐀"You've got a really lovely voice you know," he isn't used to saying "nice" things to people and meaning them, he's usually such an empty flirt, trying to charm lasses into a one night fling. But with you its different and you mean a lot to him.

🐀Still calls you mousy but its affectionate and it becomes this sign of your firm bond. Only he gets to tease you and call you that name, he's earnt the closeness you share and you know he means it affectionately.

🐀Rather than actively helping you to get better at speaking, his boisterous personality and relentless cocky attitude probably rubs off on you. Its hard not to feel a little more confident when you're on Isaiahs arm. He lets you wear his peaky cap sometimes in big groups, it shows everyone youre with him, and he sees it bring out your confidence.

Michael

☘️ I think Michael was shy as a little boy, at least more so than all of his cousins, and then when he was taken from his mother probably even more so.

☘️He probably didn't talk much when he was given to his new family. Even as he got older he probably wasn't the most self assured young lad. In school he probably tried to fit in and did a little, but wasn't particularly loud or popular.

☘️ So when he meets you he recognises that uncertainty in your eyes and understands your social anxieties.

☘️ He wants to give you a hug and tell you it'll be alright, that even if things feel overwhelming for you now, if things feel scary and you feel like you're not capable of doing anything right, or that you don't feel like you fit in... It won't always be like this and if you give it time you'll find your place just like he did.

☘️But this is Michael we're talking about, he bottles all that shit up. Doesn't say a word to you, just watches you and feels that familiar uncertainty curdling inside him. All these things he wants to say and he can't bring himself to say it. He gets anxious because what if he's got you all wrong what if its not like that for you at all.

☘️ In the end its Polly who tells him he should try to get to know you, "you were like her once you know... She could do with a good lad like you to show her a little kindness... Its a cruel world Michael, if you don't nobody else will..."

☘️ So then he feels guilty too. Has to swallow his anxiety whenever you're around. It takes all his will to make himself sit down next to you, to say hello, to keep trying even when you only offer him the smallest of smiles in response.

☘️ But he's a mothers boy isn't he, so what Pol wants Pol gets and she wants him to try so he bloody well tries. And besides, he feels a connection with you, he's felt one from the very first time he saw you in the Garrison with his cousin Ada. He doesnt know whether you feel it to, in fact he knows you probably dont. He feels close to you because he thinks he knows how you feel.

☘️Eventually he gets up the courage to talk to you properly. He finds the whole thing absolutely painful and mortifying, trying to tell you how he used to be like you, so he thinks he understands.

☘️ You can sense how hard he's trying though and that means a lot to you, and you're honestly surprised too because for as much as he's reserved around you, you've seen him with other people, you've seen him charming the girls at the Garrison and you know the reputation he has is as bad as his cousins. So you're surprised when he tells you about his childhood shyness and how it took him a long time to feel accepted anywhere.

☘️ Its encouraging, the way he talks about it too, like its this thing that used to be a huge problem in his life but isn't anymore. You find it reassuring to know that you might not feel this way forever. That one day you too might feel accepted and comfortable enough to talk freely and take up space.

☘️ You don't realise, though you should, that its Michael and his family that are going to make you feel that way. That it will be him that treats you with the warmth and patience that you need to make you feel at home.

☘️ You pluck up the courage to say something to him a few days later, youve wanted to say something to him since he spoke so empathetically and gently to you, its been all you could think of, how to say it, when you'll say it, if he'll even know what you're doing talking about because its been awhile now and he's probably forgotten he even said anything to you at all ect ect... Youre riddled with the anxiety of saying something to him and the more you think about it the worse it gets.

☘️ But you do manage it, even if all you actually say is, "Thank you... For..." when you trail off you expect him to cut you off but he doesn't, he just smiles softly and watches you carefully, trying to work out if you are going to finish your sentence or not. When you stammer and cut yourself off again he puts his hand on your shoulder and gives you a reassuring squeeze.

☘️ "s'alright love, i understand, come on come sit, just me and you, try again in a minute eh?"

☘️ At first the way things develop between you its like he's a big brother to you, he takes you under his wing, protects and guides you as though making up for the sister he lost.

☘️ He spends a lot of his time with you, and whenever he sees you around he makes time to talk to you, or not talk to you depending on how he feels like you're feeling.

☘️ You have this unspoken connection, sometimes all it takes is a look from you and he knows exactly what you're thinking/feeling.

☘️The more you spend your time with him the more able to talk you are and he's so pleased and proud that you look to him in the way that you do, that he is one of the only people in the city who gets the blessing of hearing your voice, getting to know you intimately through conversation.

☘️He's especially pleased to know things about you that Tommy doesn't, that you trust him and nobody else. That without him you'd be lost.

☘️ Gets jealous if you do start speaking to someone else and has to remind himself that actually this is what he wants. For you to grow and become your authentic self not hiding or fearing being too much.

☘️ So despite his fear that once you can talk to other people you'll not need him and you'll stop wanting to speak to him, he encourages you and reassures you, tells you he's proud of you.

☘️ But of course his fears are unnecessary, you'll always look to him for comfort, company and reassurance, he'll always be the person who saw you for who you really are first. He'll always be the one who believed in you and took his time with you. And he's your best friend. And maybe you secretly want hin to be more than that.

[deathclassic]

tag game wednesday on a thursday bc timezones

thank you for tagging me, it's appreciated @jrooc @michellemisfit @thepupperino @doshiart

@mybrainismelted @gallapiech @roryonic @spacerockwriting

@mmmichyyy @ian-galagher @wehangout @guinguin1984

@energievie

-

Name and A03 handle: molly, death_classic

Current Location: in my room

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

i dont have the link anymore but it's this one, funny bc my hair kinda looks like this again even tho i made this a few years ago

What's one thing you want in a picrew?

more hair colour options bc sometimes my hair is natural with really bad green ends from regrowth like now

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

i kinda like my mermaid mickey i guess

Why is it your favourite?

not much to pick from lol, idk i was happy with the perspective aspect and people seemed to like it

Did it come easily or was it hard to create?

oh i restarted like 15 times and it took me like 4 days to finish bc work

Last ao3 fic you commented on?

different fandom, dont want death threats bc of it <3

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced?

there was a gallavich fic i started reading way back in like 2012, it was never finished and it's been orphaned now

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

i like angst and whump lol

Least favourite?

historical au's? does that count? hate them

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

eh i was surprised i like dom/sub but thats kinda old now

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

immense anxiety? i dont share most of what i draw bc im so anxious about sharing it. whenever i do post i often throw up afterwards and have a bit of a panic attack. i feel a lot of guilt for wanting people to see what i created and i feel embarrassed when i dont get likes or reblogs.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: it makes me feel anxious when people hype me up even though they mean well but im scared it wont live up to their expectations

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____?

search for the most angsty, hurt no comfort fic so i feel like i have a reason to feel bad

not tagging anyone bc everyone has been tagged

[gren-arlio]

We are BACK. Sorta. Welcome to Episode 3 of Season 2 of Waku Puyo Translations.

(I have too many pages.)

Hello, one and all, Gren here. Welcome back to Translations, a 2 month gap is finally done. Now why did that gap happen?

School. I'm in my final year of it before I go to college, and I've been focusing really hard on it recently, been studying a lot more as of late, which leaves less time to make translation posts, but normal posts tend to be just fine. I hope you understand.

We're finally back to doing one of these, I PROMISE I haven't forgotten about it at all. I've just been busy. The school year ends in June, so...maybe there'll be more posts? Who knows.

But anywho, we're back for a bit. Here's the video in question:

Timestamps:

Intro is obviously at 0:00 this time

Rulue Scene: 1:05

Schezo Scene: 2:05

3 Orb Opening: 5:20

Dragon Boss: 6:05

Dragon Defeat: 7:55

Sasori Man Scene: 12:05

Info Booth: 13:00

How To Use Traps: 13:50, 14:20 is the tutorial

End: 15:50

Let's see how much this hurts my hands again. I hope you enjoy.

Intro:

Arle:

Eh? What happened to you?

Skeleton-T:

Ocha!

A dragon and some little kid appeared and kicked me outta the place.

Arle:

...What? A dragon and a kid, you sure it wasn't Kodomo Dragon?

Skeleton-T:

No, the dragon wasn't that cute.

And the kid looked like he was on an adventure rather than just riding it.

It reminded me of you two.

Arle:

Hmm... (What does that MEAN?)

What happened to the dragon?

Skeleton-T:

They went even further into the 5th floor of the PuyoPuyo Dungeon.

Arle:

Eh? There's more floors in there?

Skeleton-T:

Without 3 orbs, you can't enter there.

You're prohibited to go in there otherwise.

Arle:

Aha... I see now.

Hey, I got business with that dragon, so can I enter?

Skeleton-T:

Eh, I don't mind at all.

Arle:

Alright, thanks!

-----

Rulue Scene:

Rulue:

Oh dear, it's Arle. Seems like you've cleared this place too.

Arle:

So I guess you also cleared this place as well?

Rulue:

Of course I have! This place was such a cakewalk.

Arle:

Err...I had a pretty tough time myself.

Rulue:

Oh-hohoho! Is that so? Maybe it's because you're so pathetically frail.

One little nudge, and you're done for.

...Honestly, it's quite a miracle that someone as frail as you got through the first two dungeons.

Arle:

Thats outrageous! Why would you say that?

Rulue:

I'm not wrong. Best of luck to you, though.

Arle:

I know I'm not a fighter compared to Rulue, but...

You didn't have to go THAT far, did you...?

----

Schezo Scene:

Arle:

Oh, Schezo!

Schezo:

Hmpf, Arle...

Arle:

Hey, I cleared this place as well!

Schezo:

Uh, great job, I guess?

Arle:

...Are you sure you're happy to hear that?

Schezo:

Why should I be THAT happy to you?

Arle:

Because we're friends, right?

Schezo:

Us? Friends? What're you on about!?

Arle:

I dunno why you're so against it...you have no real friends, don't you?

Schezo:

Friends are just a waste of time, and I'm not really one to hang out with people.

Arle:

Aw, don't say that... you're lonely, aren't you?

Schezo:

You're a persistent one. Even if I could, I won't hang out with you...

Arle:

And he's gone... Schezo's a strange one, isn't he?

----

3 Orb Opening:

Arle:

Hm? What does this say...

(They who have 3 orbs, raise them to open this door.)

Arle:

Open? I have 3 orbs, should I bring them out?

(Arle raised the 3 orbs.)

Oh, yay! It opened! We can go in now!

Carbuncle:

Gugugu!

---

Dragon Boss:

Arle:

Oh, I found ya! I didn't know we went here at the same time...

Dragon:

Grrr...

Arle:

What're ya scared of? It's okay, I'm not scary.

Dragon:

Graaaa!

Arle:

Oh, he's angry... Why do I have to fight a dragon now!?

---

Dragon Defeat:

Arle:

Phew, guess I win. C'mon, let's get you home!

Dragon;

Mmmmm...

[Panotty enters the fray. Somehow.]

Panotty:

What did you do to my friend!?

Arle:

What the!?

Panotty:

I've been looking all over, but I finally found him...

You're awful for beating them up!

Dragon:

Graaaa! [Like I know how dragons sound. Imagine like. Rayquaza.]

Panotty:

What's up, buddy? It's me, remember?

Dragon:

Grrrr...

Panotty:

...Hey, listen to this!

[He starts to play the flute]

Dragon:

(ROAR) [...Fun.]

Panotty:

W-wha... Normally, the flute works at calming him down.

Arle:

...Hey, are you two really friends?

Panotty:

Eh?

Arle:

You were using your flute to control him, weren't you?

Panotty:

... ... ...

Arle:

... They didn't want to be here.

Yet you forced them here with your music. They're scared, you know.

Panotty:

B-But...But...

Arle:

If you can't friend him without the flute, then you have no business calling him your friend!

Panotty:

... ... ...

Arle:

...Come on. Let's bring Dragon back home.

Panotty:

No, not yet! Even though we just became friends... [I guess meaning the dragon.]

Arle:

Fine, I'll bring him myself.

Then again, if I was the one to separate you two, then you'd never have the chance of becoming proper friends.

Panotty:

... ... ...

Arle:

...You okay?

Panotty:

I'll bring him back. Because we're friends...

Arle:

Really? You sure you can do that?

Panotty:

Yeah, I sure can!

Dragon:

(ROAR) [In a more happy tone IG]

Arle:

Those two... I hope they become true friends!

Carbuncle;

Gu!

----

Sasori Man Scene

Sasori Man:

Hey, the dragon's back!

Arle:

Wait, it's back?

Sasori Man:

Yeah, but they're doing better, thanks to your help.

Arle:

Err... that kid ... did you see him as well?

Sasori:

Oh, Panotty? They were together, yeah.

I was shocked myself when I saw how well they got along.

Now, they're working near the gates.

Arle:

Ah...that's good to hear!

Sasori:

Rather than just thanking you, I wanna give you this.

Arle:

A VIP card? What for...?

Sasori Man:

Now you can enter Wonder Jungle.

I got stuff to do, so I'll leave ya be.

Arle:

Nice, now we can get into the new attraction!

Carbuncle:

Gu!

---

Info Booth:

Man, I translate this screen so often.

[Menu opens

Listen

Ranking

Bulletin <-

Back

After clicking Bulletin, the following options appear. The number next to them indicates the order.

Horror House (1)

Wonder Jungle (2)

Peddler Fufufu (3)

Bottling Reccomendations

How to Use Traps (4)

Back]

Horror House:

Bulletin:

I await you at the Horror House, sorry to keep ya waiting.

I mean, you can go if you want, but it'll be a vastly different experience than the other dungeons.

If you're not prepared, just quit now.

Wonder Jungle:

Bulletin

I have a VIP ticket for you, since you're becoming an expert here.

Would you like to test your might in the unexplored Wonder Jungle? True survival awaits you.

Just be careful of the boss and their little minions.

Peddler Fufufu:

Bulletin:

Momomo's rival appears!? The mystery merchant Fufufu appears!

He's a shady merchant who tends to sets up shop in PuyoPuyo Land.

If you want rare items, he's(?) the person to go to!

How to Use Traps:

Arle:

Oh, You're...

Bikimora: (Black Kikimora. Or Biki.)

Do you need something?

Arle:

Well, yeah...I wanna be able to learn how to use traps...

Biki:

...Follow me.

---

How to Use Traps: (Cont.)

Arle:

What the!? What're we doing here...?

Biki:

You know, even traps can be very powerful when put in the right hands.

For example, if you use a Scroll of Sealing, you can trap enemies where they stand.

Arle:

Oh, that's cool! I never knew that...

Biki;

...Then you may as well learn it by trying it yourself.

(She leaves and enemies spawn)

Arle:

Hey, where are you going!?

Geez, there's no way I'll be able to beat such powerful enemies!

---

End:

Biki:

...Congrats, you did well.

Arle:

Not really, no...

Biki:

...

Arle:

...Uhh...

Biki:

...We're done here.

Arle:

Eh?

Biki:

I said we're DONE here!

Arle:

(Why did THAT make her so upset...?)

----

Oh, it feels nice to do these again. Free time is the BEST. But that'll be all for now.

Adios.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Vol:21, Discussing Nouteikarano2.

(LONG POST* Starts with with Hanshin talk, but leads into very interesting talk about Kaoru's artistic process)

K: Ok, here we go, this is the Freedom of Expression. I'm Kaoru from Dir en grey. 

J: And I'm Joe Yokomizo, not Miura Jun. 

K: Haha

T: Im Tasai from Tokyo Sports. 

J: Ok, so here we are again...Kaoru, you must be happy about that thing, right? 

T: Oh, THAT, right?

J: Yeh, that! 

K: You keep saying 'that'. 

J: Say it yourself then!

K: That pineapple thing?

J: No, no. 

T: Yes, yes, it is that!

J: Eh? Is it?? I dont even know the details!

T: Haha 

J: Look, they know what 'THAT' is in the comments! 

K: Its the pineapple thing. 

T: Yep 

J: Eh?! Whats the pineapple thing? Is that right??....Ok, yeahhh, the pineapple thing!! 

K, T: Hahaha 

J: Congratulations! *applause*

K: Yeah, congratulations. 

J: The Hanshin Tigers won at last! They conquered the Central League! Is that the expression people use?

K: Yes, thats right. 

J: Congratulations! *applause*

T: Its the first time in 18 years, right? 

J: What were you doing at that moment?

K: I was watching it...Uh, we it got into the bottom of the ninth innings, I was thinking OMG! I was getting really excited, like OMGOMG! 

J, T: Hahaha 

K: But then Sakamoto got a home run, and I suddenly got really calm, like, 'oh wow'...and when they won, I was like, 'Okay, good job!'. Haha

J: You calmed yourself down for the actual moment?

K: Yeah 

J: Someone asked, 'Did you cry?'

K: A little bit, a few tears of joy. 

J: Well, you would shed a tear after 18 years. 

T: Of course you would. 

K: Yeah. 

J: So what happens after this? I have no idea how it works. 

K: Well, the Climax series starts soon, and if they get through that, they will go onto the Nihon series. 

J: Ah, after 18 years..

K: Its true that they actually won the Central League, but I never thought they would, haha. Even up until the last minute, other teams' fans were certain Hanshin would win this, but it was only the Hanshin fans going, 'Ahh, still not sure' Haha. Something was bound to get in the way. 

T: Haha 

J: Haha, in the bottom of your heart, you really don't trust them, do you? You love them, but you can't trust them.

K: Haha, something could come along and knock them down at the last minute.

J: Well, I guess no-one knows when the team in second place will catch up. That could even be the Hanshin Tigers, right?

T: There was one point where they were about level with Hiroshima, but began taking the lead again after that. 

K: Yeah, the same happened with DeNa too, but then they ran away with the lead. 

T: They did. 

K: September was incredible. They had 11 wins in a row. 

J: It might be unlucky to say this? But will they be ok getting to the Nihon series? Haven‘t they used up all their success already? 

K: Yeah, at the moment they are on a downward spiral...but they did actually win today's game. 

J: But they are only throwaway matches now, right? So it doesn't matter. 

K: Yeah, but there is still the players' individual stats to consider. 

J: Oh, leader titles? 

K: Yeah, and they really should try to keep up their form to suceed in the next stages. 

J: I see, so they need to remain vigilant, but for now at least the fans can shed a few relieved tears at this 18 year in the waiting win. 

K: Yes. So, as for next month....next month is the Climax series. I think it starts on the 18th, right? If it all goes as normal, Hanshin should have three games on the 18th, 19th, and 20th. If they win those, they will get to the Nihon series. BUT...if they end up with a 4th match on the 21st, we will watch it live here. 

J, T: Ohh!

*applause*

J: Hang on though, what if they don't have a 4th match?? 

K: In that case we could just celebrate them getting to the Nihon series, or play baseball themed games or something. haha. 

T: Well, yeah, it will be a celebration. 

K: If there is no Hanshin game on that day, that means they already won the Climax series, so I'm honestly quite happy even if there is no game that day. 

J: It has nothing to do with this show really, right? Haha 

T: Thats right. 

K: I just want them to win. 

J: Yeah, thats your first priority. So that is the plan for the October broadcast anyway. Will they make it through the next series? Who knows? But everyone, keep your hopes up. Ok, so we are still requesting questions and comments from viewers. If you have any thoughts, requests, ideas, anything...please write them in the comments section. Twitter users can....Oh its not called twitter anymore, is it? X users can post with the hashtag TFOE. So, this show is free for everyone during the first half, but the second half is for members only. If you become a member, you can watch this in the archives for a year, and also enjoy a members only video in the coming days. You can become a member using the link which is at the top of your screens now, Leader point to it please. So please do join and enjoy the show to the end. Ok, so before we get onto the main talk, does everyone remember us going to Shimokitazawa last time? Did you all watch it? We are currently taking entries from channel members to win these viewer presents! Here they are! First is a Phalaris LP signed by Kaoru. And next is Björk's album Biophilia, which Kaoru selected at Disc Union.

K: Tasai, can you get Björk to sign this for us?

T: Eh?!! How?? Where even is she now??

K: Hahaha! 

J: You could ask Hiranabe to do his gyōza signature on it?

T: Haha yeh. 

J: There might be someone out there who wants Hiranabe's Björk gyōza signature! Anyway, we will give these away, so if you want either of these please go to the show's blog and place your entry. That's the Phalaris LP and also Biophila by Björk, as chosen by Kaoru. Ok, now for today's talk....Was it running until yesterday? Yes, thats right, today its a special broadcast to talk about Kaoru's art exhibition, Nouteikarano2! *applause* I think a lot of you probably went to see it. Thank you to everyone who did. There may be many people who couldn't make it due to their schedule though, so Leader, can you tell us what kind of exhibition it was? Give us the basics. Oh, someone commented, 'It was great!' Thank you! Oh, and 'I went!'

K: Thank you. Well, 4 years ago I put on an exhibition of representations of the dark dreams I had when I was a kid, and this time was a kind of imagining of the continuation of those dreams. Thats the idea I started with. But at the same time, these images are still just coming naturally out of my head, the same place they came from last time. So thats why I decided to use the same title, Nouteikarano. 

J: So, you held the exhibition in Tokyo and Osaka this time?

K: Yes

J: How was that? Was there anything you were particularly conscious of by holding it in two locations?

K: Well, in Tokyo, as well as the art, there was a display of various items from my past, things I used when I was a kid etc. Those teru teru bōzus were there too. So I displayed these to show some of my personal things along with my art. The Osaka venue was really small, so I just displayed the art there, but it was a chance to see the art at much closer range than in Tokyo. 

J: I see, so with the larger capacity in Tokyo, you were able to show some of those memories. And as Osaka was so small, you could get a close range view?

K: Yes. 

J: Both myself and Tasai visited the Tokyo exhibition, didn't we? Tasai what did you think? 

T: I couldn't believe how much Kaoru revealed. It wasn't Kaoru from that band, it was Kaoru the person. With those toys and things, I thought it was very revealing. It was exciting. Like, a strange kind of excitement. Joe, what did you think? 

J: Well, we are gonna talk about which pieces we liked later, but...of course I went to see the first Noiteikarano too, and I saw the high quality of work then. But this time it seemed to be on a much deeper level. It felt overwhelmingly deep. We'll have a look soon, but I couldn't get the images out of my head, they had a big impact on me. If any of the viewers went, please write your thoughts and impressions in the comments too. Ok, so moving on, next myself and Tasai will be asking Kaoru a few questions about Nouteikarano2, but if viewers have questions, please send them too.  That goes for both people who have seen the paintings and for people who haven't. We'll be happy to take your questions. Ok, Tasai! What do you want to ask first?

T: Hmm, should we take a look at the photos? 

J: Ok, lets first look at photos of the venue. 

T: This is Tokyo? 

K, J: Yes. 

T: People in Osaka may not have seen this yet. 

K: Yeah, so this is what you saw as soon as you entered. 

J: When choosing the venue, you have to think about how the art will appear in the place, right?

K: Yeah

J: Im sure you checked out a few different venues this time, but it was quite interesting entering this particular venue. 

K: Well, it was underground, down that narrow staircase, haha. 

J: Yes, its like it was hidden, or a secret den or something. Going down there was almost like a ritual to enter Kaoru's mind. Ah, someone commented, 'The lighting was cool'. 

T: Someone is asking how you figured out the order in which to display them. 

K: Well, I had a fixed order pretty much prepared in advance, but unless you actually put them in place, you can't know how well it will work. For example, with that painting on the right of the photo, I originally planned to hang paintings on either side of it too. But it didn't quite work out in reality, so I left it as one. You really have to test it out to know if it will work. I went there with an idea of the order, but I didn't know how it would go till I tried it. 

J: It depends on the type of wall too probably. 

K: As for deciding what to include in the space, this is what I came up with.

J: Ahh, can we look at another photo? 

K: Ok, so this is if you turn left from the first photo. 

J: Yeah, I think we'll take a look at individual paintings soon, but those two red and green paintings at the far left side, did you paint those while I was there? 

K: No no, those were there from the start. Can you see that tiny one above those two? I painted that in the venue. All the others shown there were there from the start. 

J: I see, only that small one at the top, between the red and green ones. It seems like the viewers understand. 

K: Can you see those small squares under the red and green ones? The tshirt im wearing is from those. 

J: Oh, I see....So that area on the left out of shot is where you were doing your live painting?

K: Yes 

J: Were you there the whole time? No? Just sometimes?

K: Sometimes I went, sometimes I didn't. 

J: You were painting there, right? 

K: Wasn't I painting while you were there?

J: When I got there, you were in that area, but you came out to talk to me when you saw me. There was an unfinished painting on your desk, it looked like you were in the middle of painting. So, I thought 'Ahh, this is where he paints them'. 

T: Someone commented 'The live painting was amazing!' 

J: Ah, now we are getting these kind of comments. Ok, lets see the next photo. 

T: Is this the entrance? 

K: Well, after you get inside there was the merch corner, and this wall kinda lead to that. On the otherside of this wall was all my stuff. 

J: Ah, your childhood things etc. Did you draw all this on the wall while you were there? 

K: Yeah, we actually made this wall. So it was ok to draw on it. We've already torn this down. 

J: No way!

K: Yeah, we were gonna discard it anyway, so it was ok to draw on it. 

J: Someone commented, 'The drawings increased day by day'. Ah, that means it looked a lot different on the first and last days. Agh, you already discarded it?? People are saying they want it! 

K: Isn't it too big?

J: Well, I mean, you could cut it up and make it into NFTs or something? Ah, a comment saying you should make it into a present. Hey, I want you to come to my home and draw art on the walls!

K: Really?? You'll let me draw anything, right? 

J: No, not ANYTHING...

K: Hahaha 

T: No no, you have to let the artists follow their inspiration! 

J: Yeah thats true, but I know he would end up pranking me. Like, what if just he drew loads of dicks or something?? 

K: Haha, just let me draw anything I like!

J: No no, not ANYTHING. This is my home! Draw something that would impress any women I bring over, that kind of thing. Not just ANYTHING. 

K: Haha 

T: Hey, do those mouth/face characters have a name? 

K: No, I just tried drawing one, and it turned out quite fun, so I drew a bunch of them. 

J: Ahh, I see. Actually, how many paintings were there in total? 

K: *counts in head* Hmm, maybe 15 or 16. It might be more, if you include the small ones. 

J: Ah, someone said there were 18 in Osaka. We spoke about this before, but this time there were more bigger paintings compared to last time, right? 

K: Yes 

J: Also, how long did it take you to paint them?

K: Well, I first started painting the big pieces in February this year. And then I was finished them in June. So I finished them then, and worked on the smaller and medium sized ones around the same time. 

T: How do you actually get a painting started? What goes through your head before you make the first brush stroke? 

J: Ah, yeh! Cause we only see the finished product, right? 

K: Well, nothing specific. If I'm using a white canvas, I will usually cover it all black first. And then I will apply white over that and do the actual painting on that. In that way, the black comes through in sections where I erase any parts, and gives it a kind of hazy effect. It makes it more atmospheric than just painting on the bare canvas. So yes, I usually start by covering it black. 

J: Well, you did explain some of the pieces to me, but when you start, do you have a vision of what you want it to look like when its finished, or any kind of rough sketch? 

K: No. If I did, I'd just end up following that, and it would get boring.   

J: So, its not the case that having a rough sketch beforehand allows you to easily see when you've finished? 

K: No, you'd just be following the sketch, it wouldn't be exciting at all. 

J: I see, it would be more like completing a job, and less like a creative challenge. 

T: Conversely, how do you know when you've finished a piece?

K: Like, 'This'll do'... haha 

J: So you feel that moment? You don't feel like painting any more after that? 

K: Wel, I can..but usually its just like, 'Hmm, this is about right'. 

T: Are there any similarities to song writing?

K: Well, with songwriting the other members are there, I can check with them, and ask what they think. Here, its just me, so I just think to myself, 'Hm, I think its done'. I'm free to go in whichever direction I choose with this too. 

J: Some of the pictures have titles too, right? Do the titles correlate (*J uses the word 相関性 for this*) with the images?...I mean, I guess they do, right? 

K: What does 相関性 mean? 

J: Like, do the titles have meaning in relation to the pictures? 

K: Yes, they do. I wasn't intending to use titles at all at first...but then when I saw the finished art...Words create a lot of bias though, right? They pull you in their direction. 

J: At what stage did you create the titles?

K: Right at the end, some of them only just in time. 

T: Can we see another photo? Ah, this is the painting titled 'Doko made mo'. It really does seem difficult finding the words to describe this. 

K: Yeah 

J: Yeah, a name can pull you one way, and it can exclude other interpretations. 

T: Next photo, how do you read this title? 

K: This is 'Matsuretsu no yukue' (末列のゆくえ) 

T: I like this one. 

J: Its mainly monotone, but there is a splash of colour there too. 

T: Kaoru, I wanted to ask if there is any meaning behind the way you use red and green in your art? 

J: Yeah, in the eyes of Kaoru, what are colours? 

K: Hm, there isn't really any meaning behind the colours. They just somehow...

T: They just appear from you?

K: Hmm, yeah. There is no special meaning behind different colours. 

J: A comment asks 'Where does the last row begin from?' The left or right side? (*Im not sure of the translation of 末列/matsurestu, but Im goin with 'last row'. Open to corrections*) 

K: It begins on the right side.

J: Ok, next photo, this is titled 'Inuka'. Is the intonation ok? Like, INuka?

K: Haha, yes, INuka. 

J: Not inuKA, right?

K: Haha, no. 

J: People seem to really like this one. This was on one of the tshirts too wasn't it?

K: Yes. 

J: Yeah, someone said Inuka is their fave. Its mine too! (*Joe pronounces it 'inuKA' by mistake*)

K: Its 'INuka', haha. 

J: Haha, sorry. By the way, what does this title mean? 

K: Well, some of my friends and people who saw it asked, 'Is it a dog??' (これ犬か？？/kore inu ka??)

J: (speaking English) 'Is this dog?? Is this dog??' No? 

K: Haha...no, it looks like its been shot through (射抜かれてる/inukareteiru) . So thats why I called it 'Inuka'. 

J: Ahhh, I see. It kinda looks like the silhouette of a dog at the top though. Yes, this was my favorite. Can I ask a quick question about this? Is it ok?  That white section in the middle, tell me how you created that part. That white line. 

K: I used tape to create a clean line, then pulled the tape off. 

J: So thats the result after pulling the tape off.  It looks amost like a hole. As it happens, the day after I first saw this, I was working with the modern artist Gunji Pegio-Yukio who belongs to the Science and Engineering Department at Waseda University. I was asking him where creativity comes from, and for him it comes from connection to the outer realm. We humans live in the inner realm, but if you can somehow connect with that outer realm, then inspiration will fall down to you. According to him, humans can train themselves to reach that other realm, but as for art, an important element in any finished work is the existence of a hole-like area somewhere, so that things from the outer realm can fall into it. Its like a portal from this realm to the outer realm that you can pass through and back again. I mean, it doesn't have to be a hole, anything that looks like it could draw you in, or that the other realm could come through from, something that really impacts the image. I was just coincidentally talking about this with him. Anyway, so with this piece I feel like there is a connection to the other realm with that white hole. So I really did like this picture. I felt like I could reach the other realm through this. I mean, this is just my personal take. Yes, so this picture Inuka lined up perfectly with my talk with Gunji san. Can we see any more pictures?

K: Thats all for now. 

T: Honestly, Im so impressed with your energy Kaoru, being in a band and creating all this art. Where does it come from?

K: Well, I just like making things. 

J: Which was the most difficult piece to make this time? 

K: Well, with the big paintings, you want them to be kind of intense, right? I didn't want them to be mediocre. I was trying to avoid that. 

J: How do you avoid it?

K: Well, just going up close and working on each part in detail. I was looking closely at every part. 

T: Its really interesting to me how you get the right balance of feelings in your work. You have that unique font that you created too. I always find that really interesting. 

J: Someone asked, 'Any photos of Osaka?'. Unfortunately we only have photos of Tokyo today. But Kaoru, both the Tokyo and Osaka runs are over now, so tell us how you feel about how it went. 

K: Well, I was slightly nervous about the whole thing before it started. Like, how would people take to it?...Cause I've never studied art or anything like that, I didn't think the pictures I did were all that great, I just like drawing. So I just wanted people to come and have a look they felt like it. When I had them finished, I lined them all up in the apartment I was renting, and I was really concerned that they weren't that good. But after I saw them all displayed in the exhibition, I actually felt that they do actually appear kind of interesting. So I was pleased about that.

J: Ok, so the first part of the show is gonna end soon.

T: That was quick! You wanna ask more questions, right everyone?

J: I'm sure they do, but time is limited unfortunately. We don't have Toshi-Low here to draw our time out forever.

K: Haha

J: Ok, so in the second part, we have a piece of art to show you especially. We talked earlier about how Kaoru was doing live painting at the exhibition, and this is one of the pieces he completed there, right?

K: Yes

J: Anyone who was at the last day in Tokyo might have seen it already, but those who went to Osaka will not have, neither will people who went to the earlier Tokyo days. So we will show this exclusively in the second part, please look forward to that. We will also hear a lot more talk from Kaoru, so please keep sending in your questions. Additionally, since the theme of the exhibition stemmed from Kaoru's dreams, we also have a dream themed activity planned, so please become a member to get a closer look into Kaoru's mind. Ok, I'll let you know how you can watch the second half. The second half is for channel members only, so if you want to watch it you will need to register. If you become a member, you will be able watch this broadcast in the archives for a year, and there will also be an extra members only video posted in the coming days. Thats right, there is the link at the top of the screen, Kaoru is pointing to it. Please use this blue link to become a channel member. When you click the link, you will get a page asking you to choose your payment method. Choose your prefered method, click proceed, then enter your details. Thats it. So if you haven't joined yet, please do so to see Kaoru's art in the second part. Also, as we said at the beginning, we are taking entries to win the prizes from Shimokitazawa last time. The prizes are for members only and two winners will be picked by lottery. The prizes are a Phalaris LP signed by Kaoru, and Björk's Biophilia as picked by Kaoru in Disc Union. Please go to this show's blog to enter. Kaoru, do you have any announcements?

K: I do! Well, its still the month after next, but the tour will start then.

J: So you're in the preparation stage? Just taking it slowly?

K: Well, there is still a lot to sort out. But we have the setlist already.

J: Ohhh, yeah, people are looking forward to that. Ok, so as per the tour things are moving!

K: Yes

T: When I think of it, the last year has gone by in a blink. Already the next tour on its way.

J: Your nostrils are really flared!

T: Haha, no, I just mean, I envy the fans having so much to look forward to.

J: But Tasai, you have loads of gyoza stuff to enjoy, right?

T: Well...

K: Isn't that fun?

T: Yeah, I suppose so.

J: Anyway, we will have a short break here, members just wait there. You still have time to become member! Ok, second part next, quick break! Bye bye, see you later.

[nattousan]

iirc u said you got a new job, what do you do for work now?

do you ever get anxious while working? fi so how do you cope/make the anxiety go away?

so because i have an art background and my sister recommended me, i'm a labtech at [CHAIN DENTURE MAKING STORE]! And, despite having no background in dentistry, they hired me because i have experience sculpting and making molds, as well as just having a generally amicable and teachable attitude. Its cool because a lot of the skills i developed making sculptures have translated very literally into my work making dentures! Which has allowed me a confidence that means that I actually don't experience any anxiety at work. It's like if you were a prolific smashbros player and nintendo suddenly asked you if you want to be a beta tester haha.

Also your timing is perfect anon bc while I don't personally have anxiety, my partner struggles heavily with it, to the point where they had to take medical leave from work. Idk if you already have a job or are looking but from observing them and my own experience, here's some general tips i can offer you:

- anxiety is a confidence killer, the endless fear and "what-ifs" can be paralyzing, seek out work that you know you can do good in, even if it's not your passion. I'll be honest i never thought about dentistry as a career but im using skills that i'm confident in and im allowing myself to ask questions when i don't know things bc thats what the trainers are there for.

- any sort of "i'm useless, i'm a burden, no one will hire me" self talk is literally your anxiety talking and is of the devil. don't listen to it. you gotta separate your anxious brain from your logical brain and assess uncritically what u bring to the table, are you good at organizing? can you work a spread sheet? do you find cleaning things soothing and satisfying? you gotta tailor your job search to your individual proclivities instead of applying to any random listing you see.

- if you already have a job thats giving you anxiety ask yourself two questions: what specifically about this job is giving me anxiety and can i do anything to avoid/correct it? maybe talk to a supervisor about your triggers and what youre feeling, if they're a good supervisor they'll try and work with you, if you get told to suck it up buttercup thats part of the job, welp, start looking for other places to work.

- PLEASE please PLEASE ask for help!!! at least in my partners case, they initially thought they had to go it alone and weather the job search process on their own but when i tell you there was a whole ass career center with COUNSELORS just waiting to help people find jobs, i'm not kidding! there are resources out there !! USE THEM!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HELPED!! check out your local community college or library to see if they have a career center! Mine does and it opened me up to several trade grants i didn't know about! THEY HAVE THE RESOURCES!! GO USE THEM!

- last and probably hardest for anxious people, you gotta find a way to stop giving a fuck about what people think of you! self confidence stems from within and when you're confident people can pick up on it and are more likely to trust you with things and hire you for things. Even if its a fake confidence! nothing has helped me more out in life is me just doing things because "eh, i got this, i'm sure it'll work out in the end" you gotta actively embrace failure as not a world ending event but a part of the process forward.

if you wanna send me another message about the specifics of your situation i'd be happy to tailor my advice but these are a few of the basics i guess. Like i said, I don't have anxiety but am very close to someone who does and hooboy i do not envy y'all. stay strong, soldier 🫡

[youracecard]

Tw: vent, Sa

Lol. Yap sesh.

Im feeling. Not great again. These feeling are always at the top of my head, I haven't had a moment of peace in the past three weeks. I can't enjoy a time of hanging out with anyone or talking with anyone without thinking of it. So uh, just gonna.. yap here about it. Its hard to talk to any irls about it and i dont wanna annoy my discord pals w more yapping bout this topic

Silly anim becuz. I dont know. I needed to create something.

When i was younger, about 8 or 7 or. Or. Or. I dont remembwr any more. I cant fucking remember. I had a babysitter, his name was. Dumb to me, i guess. John or whatevwr. I only remembwr personal details like that because of his sister, she had the same name as the person who used to be my best friend so i got really easily attached. She was. The one who taught me how to shuffle a deck of cards lol

I remember John bringing me upstairs one day

Its all. Gone. I only remember a few things and i hate thqt. I need to remember, but i dont know how.

"Youre so beutiful!" "Do you have any friends at school?" eh.. not really, ahah.. "I can be your friend!"

"Do you know what sex is?"

"Do you want to try?"

"Its our secret"

"You cant tell your mom or dad."

God. Fuck. Oh my god. Why did i have to be so stupid? What in my stupid little dumb brain saif it would be a good idea?

I didnt know what sex was at thw time. After some years, my parwnts had "the talk" with me.

it all clicked.

i needed to tell them.

i HAD to.

But, i needed the right time.

So i waited,

And waited,

And waited,

I cant remembwr how much time had passed. But, i do remember the sinking feeling of my chest every day. Guilt was building. What if it was too late? What would happen if i told them?

One day, they were coming home

I told them i needed to talk to thwm.

And talk we did

I dont remember anything from that day to thw first day i went to the people who were supposed to help

I rememeber the yellow room, the oneway mirror they hid behind, i remember the little bag they gave me.I still have the pretty blue quilt in my bedroom, laying on my messy floor among a buncha papers.

I was so 'brave'. Apparently though, it wasnt enough.

I recently had a breakdown where i cried at a theater rehearsel, and my dad came to pick me up. He was so mad at me. I couldnt tell him qhat was wrong, i was still crying and my younger sibling was RIGHT thwre. Eventually, he told her to get in the car. Lucky me.

I told him why i had the 'breakdown', and he told me that. The guy was never arrested. Fun. Thats fun. My dad comforted me and made up a lie to tell my siblings, and we went to get some food to cheer me up.

It was. Scary. I feel so bad, I couldnt say enough and that man is still out there. Its my fault. I dont know how to fix myself and just let myself forget. I guess im just gonna be like this forevwr.

I can never experiance a happy moment without thinking about what happened.

[ophernelia]

THIS IS A LONG ASK BUT ITS NICE SO PLEASE DONT BLOCK ME!! Im too scared to come off anon but i wanted to say that i followed you since you were peachmilktea with 200 followers and i am like weirdly proud of how far you’ve grown. I know i don’t know you and thats the weird part but I remember when you started posting about lykaia and would only get a few likes (me being one of them 💀) and its really nice to see how far you’ve come now in just a few months. I struggle with depression and watching lykaia has helped me feel better and gave me some comfort. and i wont say copy because its not copying but Ive the influence i guess you’re had with some other creators and not in like a mean way but I just think that its cool. i saw ashleyplays post about you on twitter and it was nice to see my two favorite creators talk about inspiring each other. its made me want to try different stuff out in my own game and especially with reshade I hadn’t tried it before you mentioned how easy it is to make presets. Every interaction ive had with you has always been really nice so I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you and your content. And I hope you post a new build soon too!! xx

Oh my goodness! This has me bawling so if there’s some typos that autocorrect can’t fix, know that’s why. First off, the way I wanna know who you are soooooo bad! But I’ll respect your anonymity lol. If you’ve been here since peachmlktea then you were a day one for sure! That was like August of last year lol. And as someone who also deals with depression, I am so so so glad and happy Lykaia provides you with even an ounce of comfort. The whole reason I even make the show is because it helps me cope, so I’m so glad that it helps you out too.

And the influence thing.. eh I won’t touch on that at all. I’m a quick learner lol. I won’t miss the mark again. So, I won’t take credit for that. I couldn’t anyway. This community is filled to the brim with talented and creative people. Always has been prior to me jumping into content creation and will always continue to do so. EA gave us the bones of this game and everyone just said “Bet. Watch what I do with it”. But yeah that interaction with her was amazing! Its always nice when people whose work you admire tell you they admire yours. She’s lovely! I have nothing but respect for her and her craft. My personal stuff aside, a lot of creators in the community have been really cool like that. The creators hype each other up pretty often. We bicker like siblings every 3 business days, but we’re good for acknowledging each other too lol. And yesss! I’m a reshade girly fr now. It makes the game feel new every time you use/make a new preset. It’s a fun program to play around with.

But I am so grateful and thankful to you! This was one of the sweetest messages I’ve ever received. You absolutely made my day with this. And if you ever feel comfy coming off anon, message me privately!

[mercyluvsyouuu]

Little wip of something I wrote and never finished/edited because I'm lazy. Just me working our my feelings about death or whateva read it or don't It doesn't matter much

"Are you sure you really want to go through with this? You can say no at anytime, y'know." Asked the hitman.

"There's not much left for me here, in all honesty." Replied the girl, "have you never had someone pay you to kill them?"

"No, I haven't actually. It's always a politician or some shady big shot. Never anything like this."

"Huh. That sounds just riveting.." she laughed and laid back into the grass. "Why don't we make it something special, then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's make a day out of it. The day is still young, yet. How about we spend the last few hours of my life having fun? We can talk, visit my favorite places around town, and so on."

"..."

She laughed again, stretching out into the grass. "What, you scared you're gonna get attached?"

"... a little."

She sat up, smiling at him with such a juvenile expression. So young and already wants to be dead.. bleak. He thought.

"Well how about this? If you can convince me not to go through with it, then you won't have to live with that on your conscious! You'll make a friend out of what was supposed to be a corpse. Sound like fun?"

"You're putting a lot on my shoulders, kid.."

"As if you literally don't kill people for a living.."

"Touchè."

She stood up, reaching her hand out to the man.

"Well?"

"This is probably the weirdest job I've had to date.. well, I'm already here. Take me away, living dead girl."

She took his hand and they walked out of the field. What was going to be a graveyard now blooms flowers, instead.

"...why did you choose this place, of a places? They would've found your body quite fast, no?"

"That was never a problem to me. I would've been happy to spend my last moments here! The grass is soft and maybe I'd be able to give back before they found me and either burned me to ashes or buried me with dozens of other people."

"Give back?"

"Oh, C'mon, surely you know how The circle of life works. A creature is born from the decay of another. That's how it's always been. I would've been happy to give back to the only mother I've ever known."

"...huh. guess I never thought about it like that."

"Of course you haven't.."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Haha! Don't take that the wrong way! It's just.. I'd imagine such a.. tender way of thinking would be bad for business. There's no time to think about the beauty of death if you're the one causing it, no? Or maybe that's the only thing there's time to think about.. depends on who you ask, I suppose."

"...ah. I suppose you're right. I never really did think about what I was doing. Everyone that I've worked with said it was bad for the brain. I believed them and you're starting to prove their point."

"How so?"

"Well, when I'm given a job, it's best to stop thinking about that person as a.. person. They are a target with a name, any other way of thinking will kill you before it kills them."

"Makes sense. So you lot aren't just mindless monsters, are ya?"

"..."

"..bad joke, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry.."

"Eh, I suppose it's been worse."

"I can't tell if thats a good thing or not..."

"Well, it's good for you. Me? Not so much."

"W—why don't we just get out of here?"

"Probably for the best."

...........................................................

"Where are you even taking me?"

"Have you seriously never spent any time in this town? Just up the road there's a little pawn shop I frequent. The people there know me. They even let me help out down there sometimes!"

"Seems like a lot to lose.."

"Eh, I guess you could say that."

"You're not denying it?"

"Of course not! I know what it means to die, my friend."

"Then why do you want to so bad? You payed quite a pretty penny up front..."

"..."

"Don't wanna talk about it?"

"No, no, it's not that.. I just—how do i explain.."

"Take your time."

"I'm... bored, I guess?"

"You're.. bored of living?"

"Yeah, sorta."

"...what else is there to do?"

"Well, I can die, for one."

"I hardly imagine that's any fun!"

"Have you died before, Mr. Grim Reaper?"

"...no. I haven't. And don't call me that."

"Exactly! So who knows?"

"That's fair.. but what about your buds at the pawn shop? Are they boring to you?"

"Not really, no.."

"Then why leave them behind?"

"...Because there will be more after me."

"More what?"

"More friends for them to make. More jokes to be told, more moments to spend before it all ends."

"...so you're saying you're replaceable?"

"That's a.. flat way of putting it, but yeah, I guess that's exactly what I mean. But everyone is, in my opinion—when someone dies there will be someone else to take their place. There's billions of us, it's the circle of life."

"You're wrong."

"How so?"

"No one is replaceable. Just because there's so many of us doesn't mean we're all the same—you find something new in every person you meet, and sometimes those things just can't be replicated by anyone else."

"...hm. I guess you're right. Such simple things like that can be blurred and forgotten about if you're stuck in one way of thinking for too long. But at the same time, it's hard to accept my importance in all this. Am I really worth all that in a sea of millions of other people? Is anyone worth that?"

"The universe wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the trillions of atoms and molecules holding it together. The ocean would be a desert if not for the billions upon billions of drops that it's made of."

"That's... rather philosophical for a contract killer."

"I have a personal life, y'know!"

"Yeah, yeah.. who would've thought you thought about such things in your free time? Do you also happen to read philosophy books and drink tea on the weekends?"

"Sometimes, actually, yes."

"Incredible.. you're really proving the whole 'every person is unique and should be cherished' point you're trying to make."

[clonesome]

I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL ASK BC ITS LIKE 4AM WHEN IM TYPING THIS AND I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON A C K sorry @kapuchino357 BUT I AM ANSWERING YOUR ASK <3

(AS OF WRITING THIS BIT IN PARANTHESIS I HAVE TRIED WRITING THIS 13 TIMES its not you its me lolol i hust have so much to saaaaay and I feel like it's about damn time I finished it skdkkf)

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SCREAM ABOUT MY OCS !!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Also a thank you to all of my friends who play around with our OCs like it's pretend on the playground <3 thank you for helping me get a few of my OCs out of my head and out where they can be enjoyed.

I think we should start with Leandro, since he takes up most of my brain meats:

♡ Leandro Placido, he is in his late 20s. 1930s-40s eh ish time period wise aesthetic in a somewhat fantasy world i guess lol, he loves to dress in both men's and women's fashions (Loretta being the name he teases others with when he dresses up in typical womens fashion and goes out. But not always, sometimes he really does just want to feel pretty as Leandro and thats fine too <3). "Cleaner", he cleans up the crime scenes and disposes of bodies for his Boss and he's the best one in their Family. Which is so fitting bc his Boss found his sorry ass in a dumpster of all things. He had unintentionally been helping the guys he ran into dispose of a body he thought was regular trash and long story short after helping them they threw him in the dumpster too to get rid of him and that is when the Big Boss was told of him and well.. there he was.

Loud and rowdy, he never really knows when to keep his mouth shut with most things. He also has a quick temper, especially if he's drunk but not always. He's a bumbling idiot with a heart of gold. He plays the trombone terribly on purpose to annoy people, though he is actually a really skilled player. He uses sex, and other things, as a weapon against himself but learns that he doesn't need to do that as he grows in his story. Unfortunately he's also a rat, secretly having infiltrated his Family by the very enemy who wants nothing more than to get rid of them once and for all. Too bad he's fallen in love with the head maid of the House, and when he falls, he falls incredibly h a r d. Only having ever been in one other full relationship with a girl he went to high school with, which he ended in one of the worst ways possible (smh poor Annity), he wasn't sure how to explain his feelings for her. And then he accidentally catches her and one of his best friends in bed together, so after that he doesn't want to get in between two of some of the most important people in the world to him. So he just.. flirts, and really why would she think any different?

He always flirts. With everyone. So they do this tired song and dance of him shamelessly flirting with her, and her being annoyed (and flustered) by it because she thinks he's just teasing her relentlessly. And it goes on.. for a long time. Until... after like A Lot. For instance: him bedding a different high power Underworld Boss while black out drunk and also not even knowing who he was, getting kidnapped (almost four times) and getting most of his tongue cut out on a successful kidnapping to remind him of who he really works for (and if there is one thing he hates is a traitor, boy look in the damn mirror who do you think you are), being sent off to work at the docks for three months after getting into a heated argument with his Boss (over the Boss's relationship bc GASP Leandro has a bit of a lusty crush on him too! Messyyyyy), him having a crush on a dance hall owner (Bruce) bc he taught him how to love the side of him that he calls Loretta (which in turn has him accepting his whole self), Annity showing back up in his life with their son William (double gasp!), his abusive parents showing back up after he gets arrested for the 43rd (to which he is owed 43 phone calls dammit! Lol!), among... other happenings. . . They finally get their happy ending. But, not in the way they expected. And that fits them just fine.

He's messy, in all senses of the word, but cleans up nice. It takes him too long to get his shit together. He's the dumpster fire that lives in my heart lol. Very 'sun coded' or whatever it's called in the ways that he burns himself too bright in a way that will destroy him. he's viciously angry while having so much love for others but almost none for himself. More than willing to take a bullet for anyone, but will also put a bullet in whoever his Boss feels like.

He's also so dense. No book smarts, only street smarts. If anyone he truly loves flirts back with him, like the Head Maid or Bruce, it is seriously like they are talking to a brick/concrete wall. Also the trope of 'love me so much it undooms me' but only after it's too late.

He dies, of course only after realizing just how much he wants to live. And how much he now has to let go because death has always been coming for him. He had so desperately wished for it so many times, except now he wishes for anything but. And that's when his time is up.

He then appears on a beach, which he has dreamed about- so much like the one back home. A home he hasn't seen since he was a child running around wild. And who does he see a little ways down the shore? The love of his life and the promised spirits of their two children that they are lucky enough to have in their next lives. He runs over and embraces her, twiling her around and bringing a trail of waves around them in the air as he does so all while crying into her hair as she clings just as tightly. After he sets her down and kisses her, the children tackled him into the ever on coming surf. And he gets a taste of what his after life is supposed to be- until all of a sudden, after a small talk with his beloved, they all disappear. He can't see or hear them, but they can see and hear him as he calls out helplessly for them. And he thinks, this is it. This is the hell that he had always known he would end up in. He just wasn't prepared for it. He also was not prepared for the heart shaped lock that magically appeared and locked itself unbearably tightly through his chest and into the space where his heart was. Then the beach is gone, where his loving family are just as confused to his disappearance.

He's back to the place where he died, held back by someone who has unfinished business with him. A girlfriend who had never been able to let him go, Annity. Who.. isn't all bad she's just... complicated.

Cursingly haunting the person who is keeping him from moving on, becoming almost nothing more than a twisted rage filled demon. He dooms the person holding his spirit hostage for years until the love of his life (who had died before him, in his arms. Tragic.) uses almost the last of her own spirit energy to save him, oh yeah, and to stop the ghost marriage Annity had been so close to achieving!

With help of course!

From a medium- who turns out to be his Boss' younger sister who he would have done anything for while living (and who after most of his tongue was cut out she taught him sign language). And his own son, who all this time hadn't been able see him, but had sensed.. something was off for the past few years with his mother. He never would have guessed it was something like this.

And only then, when all of his and others wrongs are in some way set to right, are they allowed to live their after life in happiness and love. Because after all of this... he gets his revenge- in a way, he forgives those he feels deserves it... but also he forgives himself for his past mistakes that he didn't even know he learned from.

I just have so many feelings about him and all of the scenarios he could get himself into when he isn't confined to the limits of the story he is doomed by and haunts himself.

Next is Graskogr of Strilgahl and Isabeau, they are a couple of destiny do NOT separate them. let's start with Gras:

♡Graskogr of Strilgahl, 874 years old give or take a few years, 12'9", fantasyyyy so anything I say goes yay =], they speak with two voices (i imagine it to sound like a duet, in the beginning I thought of something like the duet between Ashley Barrett and Daniel Korb from the Hades soundtrack bc their voices together are absolutely beautiful. But not im thinking its something like whatever those two characters from this game my friend plays. One voice is gruff and animalistic while the other is light and serene.) sometimes one voice leads while the other has an overlaying whisper it just depends. Ruler of a kingdom that they had lived in their centuries long life, having overthrown the previous ruler and brought peace and prosperity to their kingdom. Though they are now hated by every other surrounding kingdom, either for how long they've been in power or just becuase of how powerful they themselves are. Having been granted great magical ability from their godlike parentage, they have a fully golden akorhraca (bullshit fantasy metal I made up lol) arm that can transform into any weapon they wish. Though more of a curse than blessing, they need magical energy to survive. And a lot of it. And if they call upon their weapons too often or use too much power the ichor spreads. They have fissures of the stuff all over their body like lightning scars almost. Something akin to a big dark blue broken plate fixed with gold.

They've had so many marriages over their life, most ending with the partner leaving. As a product of whoever not wanting to be with them or being to afraid of them or for whatever reason once the political side of things was secured the partner would end the marriage. And they would let them, gladly. Not really caring here nor there abiut a relationship, until one. Karya, a human, far smaller and fragile than them. It was the first time in their life they had felt something like love. Though that wasn't necessarily what they would have called it, not having the words to describe how they felt. (And honestly neither do I lol) The two lived happily for many years, Gras allowing themselves to dote on this tiny woman and also allowing her to do the things she could for them as well.

But then she got sick. Gras tried everything they could to heal her, but for some reason... nothing they did worked. So unfortunately the beloved queen passed. And they went into a deep grieving, a depression so deep they shut everyone and everything out for a few centuries. At one point in the beginning even closing off the kingdom to anything and everyone other than those who greatly needed their help. Refusing to speak anything more than a grunt or one word answer whenever a steward would ask something of importance to the kingdom.

They even gained a new pronoun during this time, they start using It to refer to themselves as well lol.

Though after their initial grieving, they went into a rage. So terrifying and powerful that it woukd be spoken of for centuries after, and it is also a reason as to why they are so hated. Taking their seemingly unending anger out whatever they felt like. But thankfully it didn't last too long. But it would scar their public perception from other kingdoms forever. Oh they also sort of become an assassin for hire as well during this time. Not even seeing the need to disguise themselves either so everyone knew it was them who was coming for their targets lol. Though instead of being paid in money they would be paid in things that would help their kingdom, that admittedly would struggle due to their absence.

Most of their time, however, after their rage would be spent in the chambers that they had dedicated to Karya.

Okay enough doom and gloom, well not really but whatever, now onto Isabeau!

♡Isabeau, a harpy woman who has lived with her flock in the mountains her entire life. Until she is accidentally cursed by some novice magic user to be a tiny little bird. Unable to speak or transform back, the magic user feels absolutely awful for the wrong they have caused her. Vowing to help return her to her glorious self, the two set out to undo this curse. Eventually being separated by a strong wind that blows Isabeau's tiny form aaaaaaaaaaallllll the way to Strilgahl.

Where the first interaction she gets with Graskogr is they try to shoot her with an arrow from their fantasy metal arm.

Off to a great start.

So she retaliates by trying to use her small but sharp talons to scratch them. But it doesn't do anything, not even leave a mark.

And something stirs inside Graskogr, a light feeling he hasn't felt for many years. Seeing the tenacity of this little tiny thing to live. To not die by their hand. It causes them to laugh, truly for the first time since their beloved passed. Though it was nothing more single chuckle. But still.

It confused Isabeau, who just moments before this hulk of a figure was just trying to kill her. And now it was... laughing. Or almost laughing? She wasn't sure. . . Just as long as death wasn't staring her in the face. And at this point she is so exhausted she just passes out.

So Gras takes care of this little bird, a thing that it's beloved loved so much..

Aaaaand unfortunately that's kind of all I have for sure for them. But there is also some dream stuff, where Gras sees Isabeau's true form in their dreams but all they really see is a person made of light so they think st first that it is Karya guiding them. And maybe in some way it is. Karya may be watching over these two idiots and be pushing them together so that they can be happy.

They teach each other how to love and trust and l i v e again. Despite the harships and curses. Despite everything. The live and they love. And for them, that is enough.

( and also for this Fantasy land Leandro also has a form here where he is a fallen star turned Mortal and Human. Or he thinks he's Human. He has amnesia from the fall and transformation. Lol but other than that and some more magical powers he's basically the same character. )

Aaaaaand that's all I have time for folks. If these characters of mine are interesting for you and you read this far. I love yooouuuuuuu lolol ask me more stuff about them and I may have answers to give.

[stormoftara]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @mysterygreentea thank you!!

I have two ao3 accounts I use regularly so I'll be answering for both!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On hcsf: 68

On stormoftara 215

2. What’s your total word count?

On hcsf: 362,281

On stormoftara: 1,185,425

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Too many to count, but currently Hermitcraft/Life series. Previously it was Undertale, Omori and Osomatsu San

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

On hcsf: A Game of Love, Distances and Lies, Scar is Oblivious, Truth or Dare, Dick Measuring Contest

On stormoftara: The Dreamer, If not you then me, The Heaviness of a Heart, Drunken Ramblings, UN//Forgotten

5. Do you respond to comments?

Oh how I try… but fail. I'm sorry.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhh. That's a good question. Maybe Missing, an Osomatsu San fic about Karamatsu dying. 

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's hard too. I write a lot of angst. Lots of my short fics are fluffy and have good endings. I can't think of one thats like super happy. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah. Some of my Omori fics for reasons I don't understand. At one point I had one person really harassing me about it. I don't know why honestly. 

9. Do you write smut?

Yeah. Most of my highest kudos fics on hcsf are smut, if the fuc title "Dick Measuring Contest" is any hint lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

Sure do! Mostly Mob Psycho 100/Osomatsu San. But there are other, much stranger things 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not really. I've had some really close plagiarism, in which someone took my exact idea, but thats not really stealing. I was mad that there were comments on the other fic saying it was the best thing they ever read when it was a copy of my work, but eh... On Wattpad someone stole my story from reddit, but that particular story has been stolen and it's everywhere. It shows up a bunch in those YouTube videos where people read reddit posts too. That's not a fic and I'm not that upset since they usually credit me.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! One Undertale fic and one Omori fic. There might be others, but those ones I know for sure!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope and I wouldn't do that. I can't write like that.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I dunno. I like a lot of things. I guess TotoNyaa and Scarian 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have about 50. I don't think I'll finish any of them. There's an Undertale fic and an Omori fic I want to finish but I don't have time. Sigh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing fast. I have no lack of ideas.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar. I write too fast and forget words. I get lazy and I don't edit things or polish them like I should 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Nah. It's confusing for the reader. If someone is speaking another language I either translate it in the text or if the Narrator doesn't understand I just say that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Marble Hornets

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

A Game of Love. It's also by far my most popular fic so I'm happy that others like it too!

[ducknotinarow]

Impurtity Test:

Raphael Edition

"Uh I might need to rethink some things? I don't Think Case would be all to happy to see this result?"

Nah I would more credit this to the fact Raphael often doesn't see reason for them to get involved in human matters, or moments he feels the cops should be the ones to get involved. Raphael isn't often one to spring into action like Leo or Mikey can be. But Raphael also will when he feels he needs to or should like when he wont going on the masquerade boat party. He was pretty insistent on helping the people on the boat. As they say your first reaction doesn't define you but your actions after do.

"And Leo's always going on 'bout my honor what not, but yeah I guess my drinkin' habits can be sort a bad 'hing time ta time but eh whatever."

I have mentioned in the past that Raphael in a borderline Alcoholic. Especially when it comes to his self harm habits. It when it can be the worse if anything. Raphael is someone who been dumb enough to have a drink here or there before going top side as well meaning hes sort done it to add a thrill to his fighting. Not to mention as fun as it is for him to have his drinking binges with Casey and Von its clear he only dose so when hes upset and drowning that away isn't really a good sign.

"Don't show 'his to anyone I feel they buy the alcohol but I jus' know the sex bein' highest would get me ragged on...mostly by casey."

I keep saying it Raph is horny uwu Raph just is someone thats highly active when it comes to be horny is all. Where other may more perfer stuff done to them he wants to be the one doing more. I do feel Raph could go either role but he dose perfer topping and take charge just gets him off the thought someone wants him so bad they will take anything he allows uwu Hes pretty into a lot of kinks that follow with this along with the idea of that person belonging to him down to thier body being like his play thing uwu its an odd sense of security for him. If anything his drinking habits likely help cover buuuuut Raph would be so down to fuck drunk.

"Eh highschool what can I say."

A tad surpised hoe even some of this is but I will say taking into account Raph has a new outside factor of influence and that being high school this dose opens the doors for Raph to lean into more things out of peer pressure. Not so much forced to do it but in situation where others are he just might. Especially since I feel Raphs gonna be around a rowdy crowd after joining the wrestling team. Sort of the only other Raph I can see trying drugs the other being 12. Raph already displays a need to look cool in front of his brothers so yeeeah that gonna carry over with them making humans friend. Raph might wind up needing a saving because he drank a little too much and never had a drop before. Or feel sick from smoking a bit too much weed with the team. uwu

"hmmm nah that seems 'bout 'ight."

I know this is a small self contained game but I do truly love how Raph is in this game something about how he seems to be at a point where he has learned to control his anger it still gets the better of him but he has a handle on himself even enough to be able to talk sense into Leo on his lone wolf bull uwu. But I would still say Raph is someone who dose very much got his vices. Hes very about getting things done not really caring about it being honorable or morally right. Of course hes got some vices I have wirtten him drinking here and there I feel he cut back when Splinter was missing but once home he let himself indulge a bit. Course he also allowed his sexual exploration to awaken as well uwu sooo Casey be ready >>

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

Answering these cause I'm bored and felt like it 😂. It's all going in one post so after question 5 I'll put in read more.

1. Depends, if I'm writing on the the way to work or uni then I'm definitely listening to either Taylor Swift or K-pop literally got a playlist titled that 😂. If I'm at home and the idea has come I'm most likely not listening to anything 😂.

2. Nope. Very much Not Beta Read We Die Like Men. Probably why when I read back on various screenshots I see typos 😂.

3. Second person cause I write reader inserts 😂. In general as a reader I prefer third person or second person. Sorry I don't know what it is abt first person pov fics that I just can't stand them.

4. Man I barely know what tenses I write in and I'm getting a degree in English to go on and be an English teacher 😭🤷🏽‍♀️.

5. Eh, the one written fic Ive got Invisible is 32k and I thought it was gonna be short and sweet but that never happened. I guess novel length cause practically all of my smaus are over 10 chapters 😂. I haven't gotten to 40 chapters yet but knowing me it's a goal to have a smau be 40 chapters 😂😂.

6. Multi chapters. There's a reason I've only got like 3 one shots 😂. Most of my ideas end up becoming smaus that I couldn't contain in a one shot 😂.

7. I do enjoy a rarepair. Some of the rarepair fics that I've read are insanely amazing and I guess my thing is the lack of fics for a rarepair but that's the whole point isn't it 😂.

8. I'd like to think that in my True Beauty fanfic everyone was in character but since I mainly wrote K-pop smaus I guess I write the various idols as wildly out of character in terms of how they truly are compared to the stupidity in my fics.

9. I've got too many tropes/cliches that I love. So I'll name a few. Fake Dating has always been a fave. Arranged marriage is a fun one 😂. Sunshine/grumpy pair I love writing. Bad boy/good girl is a classic. Love a good screaming at each other then they kiss moment 😂.

10. Not really a fan tbh.

11. Do y'all have the time? I'll go the first ones that come to mind are Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. Sherlock Holmes and Molly Hooper. Marinette Dupain Cheng and Damian Wayne. Kate Sharma and Anthony Bridgerton. (Fyi this are just my otps that I read fics abt. If we're talking general otps there's hundreds. )

12. Anything involving Snape. I just hate that man as a character and he doesn't deserve a happy ending. I said what I said.

13. Fluff. I don't mind smut but I'm skim reading it.

14. Both, in my writing I love a good bit of angst but in a fic I'm reading, sometimes I just want to cry abt there being too much angst.

15. There's no rhyme or reason tbh. Anything can lead to inspiration then it's just me constantly thinking abt it and talking abt this idea to myself out loud and figuring it out.

16. Write by the seat of my pants. I've generally got a rough idea of where I want the story to go and then it's chapter by chapter 😂. I can't plan fics or essays to save my life.

17. Invisible I didn't but I'm planning on going back and giving the chapters titles cause I think chapters titles are just fun and they help give me an idea of what I wanna do in that chapter 😂.

18. None. I think I've seen them all at this point that I'm not surprised by them or care.

19. Knowing that people like what I put out. The whole concept of people liking the stuff I write doesn't make sense to me. I'd like to think I'm better at accepting praise for my writing but I think there will always be that insecurity and doubt about whether my stories are worth the praise and love they get. Another thing is, I have people who reblog and I'm grateful but I wish they'd reblog with a comment or reply to the chapter or something that lets me know what they thought. Just a reblog while great and I'm thankful for doesn't tell me what you thought and thats what I'd like to know.

20. Don't let fear stop you from writing or a lack of engagement stop you.

[nerves-nebula]

My favourite character next to Leif is Zasp, he's the guy who stopped the "Leif getting stabbed" incident from turning into "Leif getting murdered (again)" incident. He also patched up Leif, meaning he saw the eldritch horror desperately writhing from inside of Leif and went " nah, that's none of my business".

After all that he tells team snakemouth (Leif, Vi (the teenage girl I mentioned in the previous ask) and Kabbu (the guy that tries to stop the pair from committing crimes)) that good friends are hard to come by and that they should take care of theirs.

Which brings up the topic of mothiva, zasp's teammate and technically his boss? Since he's her body guard. She sucks but he really seems to care about her but it really feels one sided, leif even later on tells zasp that he's too decent to keep hanging around her.

So many people often react to the "good friends are hard to come by" line by saying that Zasp probably could find better friends if he wasn't around mothiva all the time. The problem is that Zasp is a wasp (this is a game about bugs I think I forgot to mention) in a kingdom with no other wasps around, plus the wasp kingdom is actively hostile meaning that wasps are generally disliked. He probably thinks mothiva is the only one that will tolerate him.

Which isn't helped by the fact that prior to the stabbing incident Leif kept making snide remarks towards Zasp. Now Leif wasn't making those remarks against zasp cause he's a wasp, he was making those remarks because after Leif won an eating competition against him Leif decided that Zasp is now his anime rival, cause Leif is a dramatic ho, but like come on man Zasp was just doing his job.

Like Zasp is really isolated, after the wasp kingdom invades Leif asks if zasp really feels comfortable fighting against his own people and zasp retorts by saying that he's "nothing like those pests".

It's one of the reasons that a lot of fans (and by a lot of fans I mean like 2 people, the zasp appreciator fandom is tiny) like to headcanon zasp and vi developing a sibling like relationship since they both feel uncomfortable towards their respective species.

Speaking of fanon there is a really good fic called "fox in the henshouse" and I don't think I'll ever recover from reading it, it got everything, feelings of isolation, the fear of being perceived as a threat, food issues (wasps are omnivores while the majority of the friendly characters are herbivorous insects) and invasive medical procedures!

I dunno I just feel like not a lot of people appreciate zasp , including the WRITERS THEMSELVES, what do you mean zasp and mothiva get married post game?? Married?? Those two?? I might be too aromantic for this but mothiva shows zero interest in him, you expect me to believe that just because she's slightly less bitchy towards him that they get married?? And not be absurdly dysfunctional????

sorry for taking my time with this one but i keep falling sleep during the day.

anyway, this is fascinating. Its very cute that Leif gives himself an anime rival, though I guess it's unfortunate for Zasp. I want to ask questions about Zasp (how did he get separated from the other wasps, how as he raised, how did he meet Mothiva, whats his deal anyway) but I imagine I could find out if I just played the game hah.

I'm also often perturbed by weird "oh btw these two get married later" stuff in media. At least set it up first, just because they're around each other a lot doesn't mean they have chemistry! I'd honestly like it better if it was SUPPOSED to be a dysfunctional relationship, because even if thats not a happy ending it might make more sense than just Oh They Get Married.

eh but what do I know

[sunny6677]

THE AUDIO LOGS OF ANDREW HUDSON.

SUMMARY: The following are real audio tapes of tapes left by an animator at the forgotten studio Joey Drew Studios. Please ensure that you are ready to listen with these with caution, dear listener. What you may hear may cause you to never want to hear again. What you may picture may make you never want to see again. Please be aware of the consequences you may have if you do not have permission to listen to these tapes. If not permitted, then [REDACTED]. You have been warned.

(This is fiction btw, so no worries-- I know some people with anxiety issues might think this is real so this is just a clarification.)

TW FOR CHAPTER/TAPE: NOT HAVING A FAMILY, IMPLICATIONS OF SADNESS.

TW FOR SERIES: MANIPULATION, TRANSFORMATION, UNHEALTHY MINDSET, OBSESSIONS, CULTS, CULT MENTIONS, MURDER.

---------------------------

TAPE #7

THE VOICE OF ANDREW HUDSON & HENRY STEIN.

SOMETIME AFTER THE LAST TAPE.

-------------------------

[THE TAPE DOES NOT HAVE ANY SOUND OF COMMUNICATION FOR A GOOD MINUTE. THERE IS THE SOUND OF A PENCIL WRITING SOMETHING, AND WHAT SOUNDS TO BE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE DISTANCE, BUT THEIR CONVERSATIONS ARENT ABLE TO BE HEARD.]

A: "Hey."

H: "Huh?.. Oh, hey. Is there something you need?"

A: "Nah, heard you had a buncha spare papers down here though, and I need some to complete the shit I've been assigned to— so, anythin' ya got?"

H: "Oh, yeah, they're over here. By the chair."

[THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS APPROACH CLOSER.]

H: "...Hey, aren't you that one animator I keep hearing about?"

A: "Eh? Oh yeah, probably. Man, must be keepin' a real reputation 'round here if I'm talked about that often. Maybe people here are finally startin' to want to be friends with me!"

H: "Heh.. Mr. Hudson, right? Least that's what I've heard them call you."

A: "Hm? Oh, yep! Thats me. Andrew Hudson! Man, I've got such a badass name, don't I? Could name a character after me with how cool it sounds."

H: "Andrew Hudson.. Andrew.. this— this might be a bit of a stretch, but did you by chance go to that one Orphanage downtown? The one in Brooklyn, that is."

A: "...yes. Why? My name sound familiar or somethin'?"

H: "Oh my.. Andrew, it's me, Henry."

A: "Hen— Oh my— Henry! Henry! Oh my god! It's great to see you again, man, how have ya been!?"

H: "Heheh, I'm okay— I'm okay. I guess I landed a good spot in a workplace if it meant meeting you again."

A: "Hell yeah you did! Last time I saw you, you were 15! Mighty mighty, time flies fast! Did the whole gettin' adopted situation go well for ya?"

H: "Oh, yes— I found myself with a lovely caretaker, a lovely mother. For the first time in a while, with her, I finally felt whole again. Like I was getting to experience the childhood I wasn't able to."

A: "Hell yeah, man, that's great! Guess your whole artistic thing did get ya somewhere after all, if ya ended up with the one and only Joey Drew."

H: "Oh, yeah.. I guess it did... how did it go for you? Did you ever get adopted?"

A: "...nah. Not that i care though, if I'm here with ya, not gettin' a family doesn't mean nothin' to me. I'm just happy to see your doin' alright, man."

H: "Oh.. well, I'm sorry about that."

A: "Nah, man, it's fine! I don't need a family anyway."

H: "Huh? But.."

A: "Anyway, maybe we can get dinner sometime and catch up on the weekend sometime! I'd love to hear about ya some more. In the mean time, I'll have to be gettin' back to my work so.. toodles for now, man!"

H: "Oh, uh, bye.. then.."

[IT GOES SILENT FOR 30 SECONDS.]

H: "That was weird.. he isn't the type to leave so quickly.. on well, people change, Henry. It's best to get back to your drawings, someone has to keep your old pal happy."

[IN THE DISTANCE, ANDREWS VOICE IS PICKED UP BY THE TAPE.]

A: "Huh? Is this someone's tape?.. And why is it near Wallys closet?"

[IT GOES SILENT AGAIN.]

A: "Oh well, probably not important.. doodle-doo, da-dee-da-dee..."

----------------------

NOTES: WE PRESUME THE TAPE ANDREW WAS TALKING ABOUT FAINTLY WAS THE PREVIOUS TAPE. AS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE CONSIDERING THEY WERE BOTH RECORDED IN THE SAME DAY. FURTHER RESEARCH WILL BE CONDUCTED TO CONFIRM SO.

[brainmoss]

i knew this day would come but so soon? i thought she still had a few more years in her. she just seems to have given up lately but this whole process feels so weird

everyone is aware shes going to die, she knows shes going to die and refused a treatment that would help extend her life a bit, its fair but its so weird

shes been there my whole life, literally my neighbour, see her and talk with her almost everyday

with school and her moving to my aunts house we barelly talked since but still shes my grandma she just existed since ever, i was the youngest of all cousins

i know its what happens just feels weird and sad

she lived a long life and wasnt always a good person, we had an ok relashionship sometimes bad mostly good even though im aware she isnt good for everyone and can actually be quite bad but like eh thats fine i guess people are different and some of those are annoying and wahtever we deal and move on

but its weird the whole family being aware idk i mean i think its probably the best option to be aware and start preparing stuff for when grief hits full force its not as hard but i feel unconfortable inside idk

writing this out helped the unconfort ease thats cool

ive been working so much on my relashionship with death, i know its gonna hurt and eventually it will ease and its normal and part of life and instead of like in the days of old where the family cared for the body shell instead go to a funeral home and shell go to the chappel and ill go see her body and its going to smell weird and then ill cry in front of my whole family and village and i dont want them looking at me when it happens but funerals in small places are also social events i guess

life will move on

its fine

the good moments we had were cool and nice to have

cycles repeat humanity renovates itself

and then my parents generation will be the oldest in the family

that i dont like because i wish my mom could live forever with no pain or sufering

but she doesnt want to live forever so well get to that when it happens and i hope its quite a few decades away, i know itll be less decades than average with all her health problems but please let her stay long

my grandma its fine shes lived long and doesnt want to stay anymore, we can say goodbye and let her go

my family on this side will fall apart

i dont like most of them but without grandma and having to look happy for her i think this is the starting point for going no contact with all of them

theyll go to wars over the property

ill eventually have to disown myself but i do hope he gets what he wants, but i know he wont cause my godparents are being assholes

and thats part of what makes it weird i guess, thinking about daily life and planning stuff knowing she wont be around. but its fine, writing is helping me, its not seeming as weird

damn i guess its just because it was a bit unexpected for me

for a while i thought she was faking a few things because shes been like that since ever but it was a peter and the wolf, this time its for real

and like its friday and he told me about this after he came back from work yesterday and i have school work and exams and i have to think about all of that and work when i know this huge thing is about to happen and its going to affect me for a long time? what, thats weird

sigh thats all i guess

ok edit one thing i do still and will continue finding weird is how uni is so fucking stressing and relevant in my life that i kknwo this bad thing is about to happen and i want to be with them and take my time to process but i know i have exams and deadlines and still right before this event i have to plan my work and emails around it wtfffff