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#but i have the seminar tomorrow so i need to finish this
szczylpierdolony · 10 months
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it’s so not fair depression has real life consequences
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yisanged · 10 months
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my english teacher has a lot of nerve giving us a stupid ass quiz with incomprehensible questions and then also giving us two homework assignments due the next morning saying "they're not long at all so don't freak out..... it should be easy for you to get them done" and one of them is literally four pages long and the other is a big ass chart about narrative foils to fill out plus making our own whole image on google drawings or slides or something that shows a different example of narrative foils plus a whole explanation of how they're foils. and the four page one is the purpose of syntax and diction and one of the things we have to analyze for syntax and diction is literally just “Some things are hard to remember” what syntax? what diction? it is literally a simple six word sentence with absolutely no punctuation. she even left out the period at the end of the sentence when she copy pasted it. what the hell
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i am at the point of my ot experience where the program has completely sucked my life and i am only thinking about it 24/7
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popia-copia · 1 year
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luvhaos · 2 years
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elevator pitch | ml
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pairing: frat boy! mark lee x f! reader genre: college! au, frat! au, fluff, angst word count: 9.1k summary: you hardly talk to any of the members of nu kappa tau until you go to one party and now, all of a sudden, they’re all so eager to chat with you and tell you all about their “brother,” mark lee. (alternatively: four times mark’s friends tell you about him and one time you ask them about him). warning(s): alcohol use and underage drinking, cursing, backstabbing, sort of but not really love triangle author’s note: the handful of frat parties that i’ve gone to inspired this but unfortunately, no cute frat boys like the ones here. also this is not proofread so please forgive any mistakes  playlist: crash landing by nct 127 • nonsense by sabrina carpenter • disaster by conan gray •  be by my side by crush
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GROUND ZERO
You and Yuqi glance at each other and then back to Minjung and her pleading puppy dog eyes. “Please,” she says again, pouting for extra effect.
Yuqi asks, “What’s the real reason you want to go to the NKT party?”
“I told you!” Minjung says, “I want to get a feel for the party scene here! And aren’t you two supposed to want to show me all the university has to offer? You’re being bad upperclassmen!”
You squint at her and ask, “It wouldn’t be because of that guy you told us you met on orientation, would it? What’s his name? Jimin?”
“Jisung,” Minjung corrects too quickly. “And no, that’s not the reason. I really, really just want to go to a party! Come on! Please!”
You sigh, “Okay, okay. You know that we need to know a brother to get into this party, right?”
Minjung frowns and asks, “Do you know any?”
You shake your head but Yuqi, begrudgingly, replies, “A friend of mine is in NKT.”
Minjung perks up and you sigh again. It’s not that you hate frats or going to frat parties or even frat guys. You enjoy a good party with free booze, though you could do without the sweaty basements and red and blue lights, and you even have some friends in other frats. It’s just that NKT leaves a sour taste in your mouth when you recall that your sister got her heart broken by one of the members. To add insult to injury, she was a senior and a member of NKT’s sister sorority while he was a sophomore at the time, so it was embarrassing to her as well. You don’t remember his name but you’re sure that if you hear it, you’ll know who it is.
“Ground rules,” Yuqi tells Minjung, “first of all, we all stay together. No wandering off with people you don’t know. Second, don’t take a drink from a stranger and steer clear of the jungle juice, just covered drinks. Lastly, we’re out of there by midnight because you—” Yuqi pointed at Minjung, “—have an eight AM tomorrow.” Minjung makes a whiny sound at the back of her throat and Yuqi glares, which makes her quiet down. “Got it?”
“I got it, I got it,” Minjung says, nodding emphatically. She hugs you both quickly and asks, “Can we get ready together?”
“Of course,” you reply. “Doors usually open at ten, so we’ll head over a few minutes after.”
The evening rolls around quickly, and you’re standing in your dorm with Yuqi and Minjung. You’re pretty sure you heard your roommate, Sihyun, talking about going as well but you assume that she’s primping in another dorm.
You and Yuqi patiently wait for Minjung to finish tapping glittery eyeshadow to the corners of her eyes. You glance at yourself in the mirror on the back of your door and adjust the strappy top you have on. Yuqi smooths her hair down in the mirror as Minjung chirps, “All ready to go!”
The three of you make your way to Greek Row, where there’s already a small line outside the NKT frat. You already recognize one of the bros on screening duty — Johnny Suh, vice president of NKT. He’s in your leadership seminar and he’s pretty friendly, though he perpetually seems to forget pencils and pens. He is a very good public speaker, though.
As you shuffle forward in line, you take a look at the second member, holding the door open for people to stream in. You think he’s far too pretty to be a frat bro, all delicate features and lithe limbs. He offers sweet smiles at those who pass, giving you one when you and your friends make it to the front.
Johnny recognizes you and gives you a grin. “I didn’t know you partied.”
“Just don’t come here,” you say and you expect him to be offended but Johnny just laughs good-naturedly.
“Hope we don’t disappoint,” he says.
Yuqi’s friend, Yukhei, pops his head out from inside and calls out, “They’re cool to come in, Johnny.”
“Don’t worry, I already know,” Johnny says with a conspiratorial wink at you. “Jungwoo, you can let them in.”
The pretty one, Jungwoo, nods and says, “Have fun!” as the three of you pass.
Okay, so maybe NKT isn’t as bad as your sister made it out to be; the saying goes that one bad apple ruins the batch.
Minjung immediately tugs you and Yuqi over to the bar station, where you recognize two other upperclassmen, Doyoung and Kun, serving drinks. Kun’s the one who comes over to the three of you and he asks, “What are we having tonight?”
“Beers,” Yuqi says, “if you have any.”
Kun taps a finger against his chin in mock contemplation and turns to the fridge behind him. “I think we’ve got something like that.” He hands you three cans of Coors, and you thank him before wading through the crush of warm bodies to a space where the three of you can stand comfortably. You and Yuqi share a look when you see Minjung peering through the crowd, standing on her toes.
“Looking for someone?” you tease, taking a sip of your beer.
She flushes a little but it seems she’s found Jisung. She waves and he notices immediately, straightening and heading toward your little group, another three brothers in tow. “Hi,” Minjung says coyly.
Jisung returns her grin and then introduces himself. He lets his upperclassmen introduce themselves as Ten, Jaemin, and Mark.
You find yourself staring at Mark. He’s cute, with his backwards baseball cap and doe-eyes and high cheekbones. He meets your eyes and you look away, out into the crowd. You take in the writhing bodies and the thumping beat of the bass-boosted Waka Flocka Flame song blaring over the speakers that threatens to blow out your eardrums. You see your roommate, Sihyun, in the crowd and she sees you too. You raise your hand in a wave and it seems like she’s about to return the gesture but then, suddenly, she looks just to your left and frowns. Her gaze narrows and she turns abruptly from you.
What the hell was that?
Minjung nudges you and interrupts your train of thought. “Sorry, what was the question?”
“Can you be Mark’s partner for beer pong against me and Jisung?” You open your mouth to say no but you can’t resist the second round of Minjung’s puppy eyes and you know Yuqi sucks at pong, so you agree and let Mark lead your group to the table, where red solo cups are set in triangular configurations at each end.
You and Mark take one side while Minjung and Jisung take the other. You play rock-paper-scissors to determine who goes first, with Mark suffering a stunning loss against Minjung in the game. As Jisung lines up a shot, Johnny comes up next to you, off door duty now. He asks, “What do you think? You going to come to more parties now?”
“Depends on how this round goes,” you say.
“Well, then fair warning,” Johnny snickers, “Mark sucks at this.”
“I do not!” Mark huffs but all Johnny offers is a conciliatory pat on the back before leaving to mingle with other guests. Mark looks a little panicked while he assures you, “I’m not bad, I promise.”
You laugh and pat him on the arm. “We’ll see, Mark. We’ll see.”
As the game progresses you see that Mark is not… bad, per se, but he’s definitely not the best player. Neither is Minjung but Jisung, on the other hand, is a monster at the game, getting four consecutive ping pong balls into your cups and one plops into a corner cup. You return the favor, sinking five balls in a row. “Whoa,” Mark says, eyes wide and delighted. “Nice job!”
Minjung misses on her turn and Mark misses on his. Jisung sinks two more and you get one more in. You both sink some more shots, leaving both your teams at one cup. Mark’s getting in position to take his shot and you grab his elbow. “Here,” you say and you reposition him. “And just a gentle flick of the wrist. It’ll go in. Promise.”
Mark gazes at you for a second longer than you expect him too before he gulps heavily and nods. He follows your instructions perfectly, just flicking his wrist. The ball bounces and bounces and bounces right into the last cup.
You and Mark cheer and onlookers applaud you two while Minjung and Jisung groan. You raise your hand for a high-five before you see that Mark was readying himself to hug you. You lower your hand and pull him into a hug, patting his back. He smells surprisingly nice — clean and a little citrusy.
When you two part, there’s a bit of an awkward silence that falls between you as the crowd disperses and Yuqi makes small talk with Ten and Jaemin. Mark lifts the baseball cap off his head, ruffling and smoothing out his dark hair before sliding the hat back on. He finally says, “I’ve, uh, never seen you at one of our parties.”
You hum, “Yeah, that’s why Johnny’s on top of me about if I like the party.”
Mark nods. “Then, how’d you get so good at pong if you don’t go to frat parties and stuff?”
“Frat parties aren’t the only place to play beer pong,” you say, finishing the beer you had placed down at the start of the game. “And I never said I didn’t go to frat parties, just not to NKT ones.”
Mark scratches the back of his neck. “Right, right. Uh, can I ask why?”
You shrug. It’s not like you’re going to tell him the real reason, so you just reply, “Didn’t really have a reason.”
“Aren’t you friends with Johnny?”
“I’d say we’re more good acquaintances. Besides, he’s older anyways so I don’t see him outside of, like, one class we share.”
“So, you’re a…”
“Sophomore.”
“Really?” Mark lights up and you can’t say you don’t like the way he lights up. “So am I!”
“That’s cool. Have you picked a major yet?”
“I think I’m going with English. What about you?”
“Probably polisci,” you say.
You and Mark make a little more small talk before Yuqi’s tapping your shoulder, looking a little apologetic, though you don’t understand why. “We’ve got to go,” she says, but she’s more telling Mark than you. “Minjung’s got a morning class tomorrow so we need to get her back.”
“Yeah, totally get it,” Mark says. Yuqi nods and moves a few feet over to pull Minjung away from flirting with Jisung. “Let me walk you guys out.”
As the three of you set down Greek Row, Mark calls your name and you turn. “Yeah?”
“Uh… just… I’ll see you around.”
You wave. “See you around.”
(You don’t look back, but Mark stands in the doorway until he can’t see you anymore).
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THE FIRST PITCH: JOHNNY
Your alarm jolts you out of a dreamless sleep. You flail for your phone, frantically tapping the screen to shut it off. Sihyun’s already dressed but she’s gazing at you in a way that you’ve never seen before. She says, “I didn’t know you were close with Mark Lee.”
“Who?” you ask. Your mind is still half-asleep, and you’re honestly not in the mood for whatever tone she’s giving you right now.
“Mark Lee. You talked with him the whole time at the party.”
“Oh.” You slide off your bed and slide on your hall slippers, grabbing the small bag filled with your morning routine things. “I just met him last night.”
She squints at you but only gives you a terse “Okay” before she’s leaving for her classes. You roll your eyes at her retreating back.
You go through your morning routine, still rubbing sleep out of your eyes. You don’t have class until nine-thirty, so you figure you can go take a walk off-campus to grab a cup of coffee. As you get dressed, your phone buzzes on your desk and you check the text.
Mingi: CAN WE PLZ GET COFFEE AND SMTH TO EAT BEFORE CLASSES TODAY  NEED CAFFEEINE
Yunho: Caffeine**
Yunho: And yes, please let’s get something to drink
You: yes please you two read my mind
You’ve been friends with Mingi and Yunho since orientation since you were all part of the same group. They had known each other since they were kids but you all immediately bonded the moment you met them. You’re in a couple of classes together but unfortunately, your leadership seminar today is not one of them.  They’re also in Alpha Tau Zeta, which is the frat you frequent the most because of them.
You meet the two of them in your dorm lobby and Mingi immediately throws an arm around your shoulder. “Finally! I’m starving, let’s go!”
He doesn’t give you a chance to say anything as he rushes you out of the dorm and in the direction of your trio’s favorite cafe. “Did you see that picture from the NKT party last night?” Yunho asks you.
“No, I was there with Yuqi and Minjung yesterday but we left early,” you respond as Yunho whips out his phone to show you Jungwoo’s — the pretty one’s — Instagram, where there’s a picture of Yuqi’s friend Yukhei on top of the roof with two other guys, all with a can of beer in hand.
“I can’t believe you went to a party not at ATZ or SΛT.” Mingi clutches a hand to his chest. “Are you cheating on us?”
You give him a playfully apologetic stare and say, “Please forgive me, Mingi. I lost focus.”
Mingi clicks his tongue and sighs, glancing at Yunho. “What do you think?”
“I think we can overlook this transgression,” Yunho says but he narrows his eyes at you and adds, “Once.”
“My heroes.”
You make it to the cafe in record time, unsurprising given that Mingi had you all basically power walking to the place. You’re slightly out of breath as you order, and you glare at your friends when they snicker about it a little.
“How was it though?” asks Yunho as you wait for your orders.
You tilt your head at him. “How was what?”
“NKT’s party.”
“It was cool,” you say. “Not super different from Alpha Tau’s,”
Your friends give you fake offended glares so you add, “ATZ’s are better because you two are there, though.” Once their egos are sufficiently stroked, you say, “Met some cool people. Do you guys know Mark Lee?”
“Yeah!” Mingi’s so enthusiastic that you jump a little at the volume of his voice. “Really nice guy and super chill.”
“Are you close with him?” Yunho asks.
You shake your head and say, “You know, Sihyun asked me that this morning but no, I just met him yesterday.”
Mingi and Yunho frown at the mention of Sihyun and share some unreadable glances with one another. You’re about to ask about what sort of telepathic conversation they’re having but the barista calls your name and you let it go as you pick up your bagel and iced latte.
You part ways with your friends when you get back to campus, since they’re both heading to the Science Center. You’re walking over to your class in Jeong Hall, when you hear someone call your name. Johnny strides over to you, only needing a few steps to reach you. “How’re you feeling?” he asks.
“I’m fine. Honestly, I should be asking you that. Looked like the party got crazier after we left.”
“I’m all good,” he says, shoving his hands in his pocket as you both make your way over to Jeong Hall. “Can’t say the same for some of the others. I think Mark’s incapacitated in bed today.”
“Yeah, he drank a lot during pong and I’m sure after too.”
Johnny nods and holds the door open as you go to your class. You thank him and, in a surprise turn of events, Johnny takes his seat next to you in your seminar classroom. He says, “I know Mark kind of sucks at beer pong but he’s really good at ping pong.”
You blink at him. “That’s pretty random.”
Johnny shrugs. “Just saying that he’s not always bad at games.”
“Noted?” Johnny just smiles at you and you turn to the front as Professor Lim enters the classroom.
“Good morning, everyone! Did you all have a good weekend?” There are indistinct mumbles and Professor Lim moves on. “I’m glad. I know I mentioned it last week, but you were all supposed to prepare elevator pitches for today as if you’re recommending a friend be hired for a position. Remember, you have about thirty seconds to convey the most vital information to the other person. Pair up with whoever’s next to you and then I’ll call on each pair to come to the front of the class where you’ll present your pitch to your partner. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, Professor.”
She claps her hands. “Perfect!”
“Guess it’s you and me,” Johnny says cheerfully. You smile at him and reply, “Guess so. Did you prepare a pitch?”
“Nope!”
You probably shouldn’t have expected something else.
“So you’re just winging it?”
“Flying by the seat of my pants,” Johnny hums.
“I’m jealous,” you sigh. “I don’t think I’d be able to pull that off.”
Professor Lim calls pairs up to the front of the class. Namjoon and Jongin go. Joohyun and Chan. Then, it’s you and Johnny.
“I can start,” Johnny says.
“Alright.”
Johnny rolls his neck and stretches before he nods at your professor. She gives him a thumbs-up and starts the thirty-five second timer — thirty seconds to give your pitch with a five second grace period.
“I know that you’re hiring,” Johnny begins, “and I have a friend of mine who would be perfect for the position.”
“Tell me about them.”
“His name’s Mark Lee and he’s one of the most well-rounded people that I know. He’s an excellent writer, a good multi-tasker, and he’s bilingual with Korean and English. He’s a responsible leader but also a really good team player. Not to mention, Mark can sing, dance, and rap too, and he’s also pretty handsome. He’s five-foot-nine so he’s not too tall but also the perfect height for hugs. And while he may be lacking in some skill areas like beer pong and alcohol tolerance, he makes up for it with his skill in table tennis as well as his enthusiasm and dedication.”
Johnny finishes his pitch right at the thirty second mark. Peeking over your shoulder, you meet Professor Lim’s eyes and clearly, you’re both equally perplexed. The rest of the class is also confused but Chan starts the polite applause and the rest of your seminar class follows.
“Thank you, Johnny,” Professor Lim finally says. “That was… interesting, to say the least. But I will say you had some persuasive points. However, the pitch was unfocused towards the end.”
Johnny nods, unbothered, and thanks your professor for her feedback. You’re trying to go over the basic points of your own pitch of Yuqi for whatever imaginary position there is, but all you can really focus on is wondering just why Johnny’s giving you all these random facts about Mark Lee.
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THE SECOND PITCH: LEE TAEYONG
“You’re a lifesaver, you know that?” Hongjoong says as you climb into the passenger seat of his car.
“No problem,” you say. “I will say though that I’ve participated in more Greek life events this week than I have in my entire college career.” Hongjoong chuckles at this as he pulls onto the street.
A few weeks ago, through Mingi and Yunho, Hongjoong begged you to go with him to some Greek event for board members of each frat and sorority at your university. You’re not a hundred percent sure what it is and it doesn’t really matter given that you’re just there to ward off Hongjoong’s ex-girlfriend, who was the head of one of the sororities. You don’t know Hongjoong as well as you know other members of his frat, but he’s been pretty nice in all your interactions together.
The event is hosted in an upscale hotel downtown in one of their event halls. Hongjoong helps you out of his car like a gentleman and shows the invitation to the event to the bouncer, who lets the two of you in and directs you down the hall.
“This is the fanciest place I think I’ve ever been,” you say.
“Me too,” Hongjoong says. He leads the two of you into the room, where there are already a bunch of people mingling in semi-formal attire. You see a few familiar faces: Joohyun from your leadership class is a sorority president, and everyone on campus knows Jackson Wang, the recruitment officer for Gamma Omega Tau. You also spot Johnny with some of his frat brothers in a small circle, talking conspiratorially in their huddle.
Then, you see Mark across the room, talking to a group of people. You can hear his laugh across the room and you wonder why he’s not with the other NKT members.
Hongjoong taps you gently and you snap to attention, sheepishly saying, “Sorry, sorry, zoned out for a minute.”
“No worries.” He nods at the waiter in front of you, patiently holding a tray of hors d’oeuvres out to the two of you. “Want anything to eat?”  You take a piece of toasted bread with some high-end cheese spread on it and thank the waiter.
You and Hongjoong make your way into the crowd. He introduces you to some people but their names are a little jumbled in your head. You forget how many frats and sororities there are on campus.
You’re at the drink station, waiting for the bartender to finish with the group of sorority sisters in front of you. You catch a glimpse of someone who you swear looks just like Sihyun. Someone comes up next to you and you look over at him. He’s unbelievably handsome, his face all sharp lines and angles but somehow, there’s a softness to him too. He smiles warmly and says your name. You stare at him, shocked and he just giggles, “Sorry, I know you don’t know me. I’m Taeyong, the president of NKT.”
You almost choke on your saliva. First Jungwoo, then Taeyong… were frat boys just getting prettier nowadays? He leans against the bar. “It’s nice to finally put a name to a face. You’ve been a topic of discussion lately.”
You chuckle nervously, “Only good things, I hope?”
“Nothing but,” Taeyong replies. He glances at your dress and says, “I like your dress. It’s a nice shade of blue.”
“Thanks!”
He adds, “Mark’s favorite color’s blue.”
Just when you thought you met a normal member of NKT, he starts talking about Mark again. Then, Taeyong says, “I think his tie is that color, actually.”
All you can do is offer a small hum of acknowledgement. What are you going to do with that information? The bartender finally takes your order and when you get your drinks, you make a bee-line for Hongjoong.
“Here.” You hand him the drink. I’m going to use the bathroom,” you tell Hongjoong. He nods at you and you ask a waiter directions to the restroom.
When you get inside, you lock the door behind you. This bathroom is nicer than your room back at him.
You look at yourself in the mirror and at your dress. Mark’s favorite shade of blue. You smooth the skirt down before unlocking the door and stepping out of the bathroom.
You crash right into someone.
“Shit!” You both say at the same time and you immediately know the voice. “Sorry, Mark.”
“No, no, I’m sorry! I should have been paying attention,” he says and he helps you up. His touch is warm and sturdy. When you stand, Mark gives you a once over that makes you feel a little warmer than usual and he says, “You look great!”
“Thanks, so do you.”
“That, uh, that color looks good on you.”
“Thanks. It looks good on you too.” Mark glances down at himself, as if he’s just realizing that he’s wearing a tie the same color as your dress. He looks at you again and you both laugh a little.
“That’s a crazy coincidence,” Mark says.
“Yeah, it is.” You pause and wait a few moments before saying, “I won’t keep you from your business any longer.”
Mark’s quick to wave your concerns off. “No, I just had to take a break. Events like this are kind of tiring.” He then raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re not on the board of a sorority, are you?”
You shake your head. “I came as Hongjoong’s date.”
Mark frowns and his shoulders slump a little. “Oh.”
You don’t know why, but you hastily add, “We’re not dating or anything. I’m here to scare off some ex-girlfriend who is on a sorority board.”
Mark straightens up again. “Got it. That’s cool of you.”
“I guess so. But these heels are killing my feet.”
“You should take them off.”
You snort, “And have a bunch of judgy sisters and brothers look at my feet? No thanks.”
Mark laughs. He laughs loudly at that and you find that you really, really like making Mark Lee laugh. The two of you make your way back to the main room and you can’t find Hongjoong. Mark gets swept up in a conversation with a few friends from another frat, disappointingly enough.
You wander over to a less crowded corner where a few friendly sorority girls are standing a few feet away. They include you in their conversation, introducing themselves as Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Jiwoo, and Heejin. You make small talk with them and they’re all super sweet, asking to exchange Instagrams with you and telling you that you should all hang out sometime. As the five of you talk, you see that there are people making their way to the dancefloor at the center of the room. The music starts to pick up into something more catchy. The girls ask you if you want to dance with them but you decline, content with watching from the sidelines and waiting for Hongjoong to find you again.
It’s Taeyong that comes over to you again. “Not a dancer?” he asks, motion to the crowd.
“Just not into right now.”
“Mark’s a really good dancer, you know.”
“I know, Johnny already told me.”
“Johnny told you what about me already?” Mark comes to stand next to you and your bare shoulder brushes against his suit jacket briefly, but it’s enough to send some shock down your spine.
“That you’re a good dancer.” Taeyong’s giving Mark a look that you can’t decipher but Mark seems to understand it, turning to you and asking, “Do you want to—”
Hongjoong rushes over to you, whisper-shouting your name. His and Mark’s voices overlap and you’re left to wonder what Mark was about to say. You definitely know what Hongjoong’s scrambling to you about. Taeyong and Mark watch on as Hongjoong sidles up to you and slides an arm around your waist.
A minute later, his ex-girlfriend comes sauntering over, eyes narrowing immediately when she sees you. “Who’s this?” she asks Hongjoong, pointedly ignoring you. You let Hongjoong spin whatever story he concocted. You’re more concerned with the evil eye Sihyun is giving in your direction.
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THE THIRD PITCH: DONGHYUCK
A week passes and you’ve a) gotten zero new anecdotes about Mark and b) not spoken to Sihyun at all, not for a lack of trying though. She’s icing you out, that much is obvious but you don’t know what you’ve done wrong.
You’re sitting in the library, trying to write a paper for your comparative politics class but your phone has taken up most of your attention for the better part of an hour. As you mindlessly click on your friends’ Snapchat stories, your screen shifts and a picture of Mark lights up your screen. He’s handing his card over to a cashier at what seems like the convenience store on campus, and there are five guys standing behind him, clearly unaware of the camera. You recognize Jisung and Jaemin in the photo.
What the fuck?
You reopen Snapchat. A few seconds later, another photo of Mark drops. This time, he’s got a guitar on his lap but instead of playing it, one of his arms is outstretched, clearly trying to take the camera from the photographer.
You just put your phone screen-up on the table and lo and behold, another AirDropped photo comes through. This time, Mark’s sitting beside one of the boys from the first photo, pointing at something in a book opened between them with a pencil.
You peer around the library. It’s massive, and people are on all sorts of devices so it’s impossible to discern who’s sending you photos of Mark.
Then, a notification banner drops. donghyuck ☀️(@haechannie) has requested to follow you.
You rub your eyes with the heel of your palms before letting out deep sigh. You open your app and tap on the follow request, surveying the profile. Your eyes land on the bio and it makes sense because Donghyuck has “NKT” in it.
That explains it all. You accept the request and ask to follow him back, which he accepts seconds later. His profile opens to you and you see various photos of NKT brothers. Mark appears in most of them, along with one, some, or all of the boys from the first photo. You tap on the most recent photo, dated to the NKT party you were at. Mark is passed out on the couch and Donghyuck took a selfie with his sleeping form. You have to suppress a snicker.
There’s an alert about a DM from Donghyuck and you go to your Instagram DMs.
donghyuck ☀️: hi :)
you: hi you: were you the one airdropping those pics?
donghyuck ☀️: yeah that was me donghyuck ☀️: just wanted to show you some of the sides of mark donghyuck ☀️sent a photo donghyuck ☀️: leader mark donghyuck ☀️sent a photo donghyuck ☀️: musician mark donghyuck ☀️sent a photo donghyuck ☀️: tutor mark
you: whats your angle here?
donghyuck ☀️:  🤷that’s for us to know and u to find out
you: do you mean us as in you, taeyong, and johnny or us as in your entire frat?
donghyuck ☀️: 🤷 donghyuck ☀️: did you know that mark can skateboard? donghyuck ☀️sent a photo
You massage your temples and exit out of Instagram, turning your notifications off. What were they playing at?
“That’s kind of rude of you.” You jolt when someone speaks from behind you. You whirl around in your chair and Donghyuck has his hands crossed over his chest, phone in hand. “I’m just trying to give you high quality Mark Lee photos.”
“What is with you and your frat’s obsession with Mark? Are you secretly a cult to him or something?”
“I’ll never reveal our secrets.”
You roll your eyes and start packing up your stuff. There’s no point in staying here if you can’t focus. Donghyuck doesn’t make a move to stop you but he says, “I’m serious though. Mark’s a really good guy, even if he’s annoying too.”
The last part makes the corners of your lips twitch upwards. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
As you leave the library, you nearly run into Mark a second time. You just manage to stop before you do but Mark just laughs, “We need to stop meeting like this.”
“We do.” You open your mouth to ask Mark something. You’re not sure what you want to say really, you just know that you don’t really want the conversation to end there.
But Mark says, “I’d love to stay and talk but I’m actually meeting up with a classmate for coffee and I’ve already kept her waiting.”
Something in your stomach plummets. “Ah, sorry, don’t mean to keep you.”
“You’re not!” Mark is quick to say but you shake your head and say to him, “I’ll see you around.”
“We’re throwing another party this week,” he says quickly. “If you’re interested.”
You give him a small smile and walk away with a knot in your stomach.
Later that night, as you lay in bed, reading, your phone buzzes with a bunch of notifications. You flip your phone over.
JOHNNY (@.johnsuh) has requested to follow you. Taeyong (@.tytrack) has requested to follow you. Lucas (@.wongyukhei) has requested to follow you. Ten (@.perfectten) has requested to follow you. Jisung (@.pwarkjisung) has requested to follow you. Jaemin (@.najaemin0813) has requested to follow you. jungwoo (@.jungwoogie) has requested to follow you.
There are fifteen other follow requests, you guess they’re all from all the NKT brothers. But two names stand out to you.
MARK (@.marklee99) has requested to follow you. YUTA (@.nakamotoyuta95) has requested to follow you.
You sit up in your bed abruptly and shoot a message to your sister.
You: sorry to bother you but what was the name of that frat guy in nkt that you hate?
She answers you pretty quickly. Yuta. Why??? DId you meet him?
You sigh and you’re about to press ‘decline’ to Yuta’s request, but instead your finger hovers over Mark’s request.
He just met a classmate for coffee, that doesn’t mean anything. Guys and girls were allowed to be friends. And besides, he’s not your boyfriend. He’s not your anything. You don’t know him, despite the fact that all the factoids from his frat brothers make you feel like you do.
You hit ‘accept.’
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THE FOURTH PITCH: YUTA
You bring Yuqi and Minjung to the party Mark told you about. You had already asked Yuqi to do you a giant favor and keep an eye on Minjung while you went to hang out with Mark and she agreed emphatically.
As you enter the frat house, Yuqi pushes you a little. “Go get your man!” Minjung shoots you a thumbs-up.
You stumble around the frat a little, bumping through the mass of people jumping and grinding to whatever rap track is playing. You spot familiar faces but only give them small waves if they see you. You’re on a mission to see Mark Lee.
Taeyong and Ten are on bar duties tonight, and you catch Taeyong’s eye immediately. “What can I get you?”
“Just two beers.”
“Two?” he asks with a raised eyebrow as he turns to the fridge. He pulls out two cans and asks, “Who’s this one for?”
“Take your best guess.”
Taeyong grins at you and nods approvingly, saying, “Mark’s either out back or still in his room, so I’d check either one of those places.”
“Where’s his room?”
“Upstairs, down the hall and it’s the second door on the left. You can’t miss it, it has a big sign that says ‘Keep out, Lee Donghyuck.’ He’s one of our—”
“I’m familiar with him,” you say. Taeyong gives you a look that’s half-curious, half-worried and you just say, “I’ll explain another time.”
You decide to head to the yard first, where Yukhei is doing a kegstand aided by Johnny. You scan the crowd for Mark, but only see his friends. You’re about to head back inside when the door swings open behind you and you knock into someone.
“Sorry,” he says and when you look up, you see the face of Nakamoto Yuta. You two stare at each other for a few seconds before he says, “You remind me of someone.”
You bite back some scathing remark and coolly ask, “Do I? Who?”
“Some girl I knew a few years back.”
You say your sister’s name and Yuta only looks mildly surprised and replies, “Yeah, that’s her. Sisters?”
You cross your arms and nod. “We are. I know what you did to her.”
Then it’s your turn to be surprised when Yuta looks perplexed by your statement. “What I did to her?”
“Do you really screw so many girls over that you can’t even remember what I’m talking about?”
Yuta’s eyes narrow at you. “Don’t make assumptions, you don’t know me. I genuinely have no idea what you’re talking about. If anything, she fucked me over.”
“That’s ludicrous.”
Yuta rolls his eyes. “If you don’t want to believe me, you don’t have to, but I’m not going to stand here and argue with you about this.” He gives you another once over and says, “You’re the girl Mark likes, aren’t you?”
Despite your simmering anger, your heart skips a beat at the mention of Mark. You nod and Yuta says, “Johnny, Taeyong, and Donghyuck spoke pretty highly of you, but I’m finding all of it hard to believe right now.”
All you can do is scowl at him. Yuta sighs and says, “Look, Mark really, really likes you. It’s been kind of annoying, honestly, to hear about you twenty-four-seven in the house. My friends all said you were a good fit for Mark, and I trust their judgments given that this shitty interaction between us is from some misconception you have about what happened between me and your sister.”
“Where is this going, Yuta?”
“Mark’s one of my best friends. I don’t want whatever you think of me to color that.”
“It hasn’t.”
Yuta nods and motions back at the house. “Mark should be in his room. When you’re done making out with him or whatever, come find me and I’ll tell you what really happened between me and your sister.” He brushes past you, going to where there’s a crowd gathered around Johnny and Yukhei.
You go back inside. You’re unsettled by what Yuta told you. What could your sister have lied about and why would she? You walk up the stairs to the second floor of the frat, trying your best to remember Taeyong’s directions. A big sign that says, ‘Keep out, Lee Donghyuck.’
Mark’s door is open when you get there. Mark’s sitting on his bed and in his lap is your roommate, Sihyun.
As fucking cliché as it sounds, you drop the cans of beer. Mark’s head whips over at the sound and his eyes grow huge. He calls your name but you’re already bolting downstairs, cans forgotten. You pass Taeyong and Ten at the bar and don’t see the worried look they share with one another.
You find Yuqi and Minjung coming out of the bathroom together and you tell them, “I’m going to head back.”
“What? Why?” Minjung asks. “Did you talk to Mark?”
“No,” you say tersely. “He was preoccupied.”
Even over the music, you hear Mark yell your name again. Yuqi takes Minjung’s hand in hers and places her other one on your shoulder, navigating the three of you to the door.
You feel sick. You’re physically nauseous. You want to throw up.
Yuqi leads your trio in a power-walk-worthy pace, getting you back on campus in no time.
The back of your eyes are starting to sting with tears and your head is spinning. You ask Yuqi, “Can I crash at your dorm?”
Yuqi agrees without question and ushers you up to her dorm. She sits you down on her bed as the tears start to gather on your waterline.
“What happened?” Minjung asks softly. You tell them everything and as you do, it all makes sense to you now. This must have been some fucking sick, drawn-out joke planned by their frat — have one of the NKT brothers flirt with some unsuspecting girl and then crush her heart. There was probably a bet on it. Mark’s probably cashing in whatever reward he won, laughing with Sihyun as she sits on his lap.
Sihyun. You understand now why she was so nasty for the past week or so.
You wonder if Johnny, Taeyong, Donghyuck, and Yuta are all having some big fucking laugh with Mark and Sihyun at the frat.
Minjung looks as distressed as you feel and Yuqi looks like she’s about to punch the wall.
“This is what I get,” you say, “for trusting an NKT brother.”
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INTERLUDE
You reject all the NKT brothers’ follow requests on Instagram. You block Mark on the app and when you go to block his number, you realize that you don’t have it, which somehow makes you sadder.
You feel stupid, both for trusting the NKT frat and falling for their fake-nice bullshit but also for falling for a guy you barely knew anything about. Maybe you felt like you knew him because of all the things his friends told you about him. Maybe you just convinced yourself that you did because you wanted to.
Maybe you were just a fool.
Two weeks later, Mingi and Yunho try to get you to come to an ATZ frat party as a way of detoxing from the NKT one, but you decline. You don’t want to risk seeing any of them and you think that you’re done with Greek life forever.
You’re basically living at Yuqi’s dorm, ever so grateful that her roommate, Miyeon, is one of the loveliest people you’ve ever met and letting you invade their space for the time being until your room swap request is approved. You put it in two days after the incident after hearing Sihyun, very loudly, brag to her friend about what a good kisser Mark Lee is. She also kept giving you smug, self-satisfied looks that made you yearn for the days of her chilling glares.
You hated to admit how much you missed Mark. Despite your limited interactions, he wormed his way into your heart. You thought you had something, something that would lead somewhere. You thought you were special but now, you scoff at the thought.
It’s kind of awkward in your leadership seminar class, given that Johnny’s in it. He tried to talk to you the week following the party but gave up after you iced him out. He respected your personal space as well, sitting as far from you as he could. At least he looks somewhat guilty — maybe there is a conscious in his icy frat boy heart after all.
You’re taking a walk in the park by campus, headphones on and music blasting. Midterms season hit you like a truck and it’s been a constant slog of work. On top of the residual effects of the incident, your mind needs a break.
You don’t hear who’s calling your name until someone grabs your shoulder and slides your headphones off. You scream as your fight-or-flight instinct kicks in, your arm shooting forward to punch whoever hit you. You knock them squarely in their own shoulder and when you get a good look at your assailant, you practically growl, “What the fucking hell?”
“Okay, I admit, not the smartest thing to do. Sorry.”
Fucking Nakamoto Yuta.
You don’t answer him and snatch your headphones from his hand, going to put them back on when he shouts, “Wait!”
“Christ, what do you want?”
“I want to talk.”
“Not happening.”
“You’re talking to me right now.”
You glare at him but you don’t leave. Yuta says, “I know you’re probably thinking this was some cruel prank or something like that. But I just want to let you know that it wasn’t.” When you don’t say anything, he continues, “After that night that first time you came to one of our parties, Mark couldn’t stop talking about his really pretty beer pong partner and how stupid he was for not getting your number or asking you out right there. He honestly wasn’t even sure if you liked him too, so some of us came up with a plan that, whenever we had the chance, we’d tell you about Mark and try to gauge how you felt about him. He didn’t know about it and, in hindsight, it was kind of dumb but we were just trying to help him go out with someone he genuinely really liked.”
You stare at your shoes and Yuta says, “None of that was fake. And I still don’t know what the fuck happened with Mark and that other girl but I know that he sure as hell doesn’t like her.”
Your next question throws Yuta off. “Can you tell me what actually happened between you and my sister?”
“Did you listen to anything I said before?”
“I did, but I need to know about what happened with her in order to decide if I trust you on this.”
He sighs, “Fair enough. The long and short of it is that I was a new pledge in NKT when I was a freshman and your sister was a junior in Kappa Delta. We talked a couple of times at parties, I thought she was nice but I wasn’t looking for anything serious since I had just broken up with my high school girlfriend before coming to college but I guess she read more into it. When I turned her down, she got really upset and said that I led her on and gaslit her and spread all these rumors about me being emotionally manipulative.” Yuta runs a hand down his face. “It was a hard freshman year for me and if it weren’t for the guys, I don’t think I would have gotten through it as successfully as I did. So that’s the story. Do you believe me?”
You consider what he said for a moment. Now that you think about it, your sister’s story always did seem to have gaping holes in it. Moreover, she was never really good at taking rejection, given that she was the favored child between the two of you.
“I do.”
Yuta looks a little shocked but he nods, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Okay.”
You stand there in silence for a beat longer and he says, “Will you go talk to Mark now? He’s kind of a wreck right now.”
“Right now?”
“If that works for you.”
You nod and you and Yuta walk out of the park and down towards Greek row. He lets you both into the NKT house. It’s weird to see it in the daytime but— “It’s much cleaner than I thought it would be.” There are even nice paintings and artwork hung up on the walls that seemed to have been hidden under the red and blue lights NKT lit their house in during parties.
Yuta snickers, “Yeah, Taeyong and Kun are kind of neat freaks so they make sure we clean after all parties.” He has you go ahead of him upstairs and you’re standing in front of Mark’s door.
You turn to Yuta. “I’m not sure—”
“Mark!” He bangs on the door.
“Yuta, go away! I’m not in the mood to cuddle.”
You shoot a glance at Yuta, who’s unbothered and undeterred and he says, “There’s a visitor for you.”
More quietly, Mark grumbles, “I swear, if it’s Sihyun again, I’m actually going to kill you for letting her in.”
“As if I would do that.” Yuta opens Mark’s door before Mark can and shoves you inside, slamming it behind him. Now, Mark’s room is what you think of when you think of a frat house. There’s clothes slung all over the furniture, shoes in weird places, and take-out containers covering the desk. And Mark looks… rough. He’s still in his pajamas and it seems like hasn’t shaved in the past two weeks, if the five-o’clock shadow was anything to go off of.
Mark stares at you, as if he can’t believe you’re there and the rawness of his expression breaks your heart a little. He notices you looking around the room and says weakly, “I would have tidied up if I knew I had a guest. Not that I think you’re judging me or anything. And not that I have a ton of guests that need me to tidy up, it’s mostly just friends of mine who know how messy frat houses can get and—”
“It’s okay, Mark.”
His mouth snaps shut and he says, “I’m so sorry about the party a few weeks ago.”
You lean against his door and cross your arms. “I just need to know, Mark. All your friends kept hyping you up to me, Yuta even told me flat out that you liked me. I need to know if that was real, if any of it was real.”
“It was all real,” Mark says. “Everything I felt—feel—for you is real. I’ve honestly never felt this way since, well, this is the first time, really. I know we don’t know each other well, but I know there’s something here. A connection.” He looks at you with those dark, doe-eyes and says, “I really like you.”
You bite your lip. “And what about Sihyun? What was that about?”
“Jeez,” Mark groans, dragging a hand through his hair. “I’ve met her a few times at parties, she was always kind of touchy but I guess… I didn’t really think it would go anywhere. Then, she invited me to coffee with her — that’s the friend I was meeting when I ran into you — and I think she read into it a lot. And there was the party and I was in my room getting ready to— well, it doesn’t matter — but I was in my room and she comes in and tell me that someone spilled their drink on her dress and because I was the only one she really knew well at the party, she wanted to know if she could borrow something and when I said yes, she sort of climbed on top of me and told me she liked me and then you walked in and… and you ran off and I pushed her off and tried to go after you—”
“Right,” you say. You know the rest of the story. “So, you’re not into Sihyun.”
Mark shakes his head. “I never was and especially not now.” He makes a face and you laugh a little. Mark relaxes and laughs with you too, and you remember how much you like his laugh.
“What were you getting ready to do in your room?” you ask.
“Sorry?”
“You said that you were still in your room, getting ready to do something, when Sihyun walked in. What was it?”
“Oh.” Mark blushes a little. “I was going to ask you on a date. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the restaurant a few blocks from here.”
“The one with the really good burgers?”
“Yeah, that one.”
You check your phone time and say, “I could go for a burger now.”
Mark perks up. “Seriously?”
You smile at him. “Yeah.”
“Okay! Cool! Yeah, um—” Mark glances down at himself. “Let me just put on some real clothes and shave and then we can go?”
“Sounds perfect.” As you turn to wait outside the door, you say, “Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“I really like you too.”
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SIX MONTHS LATER: YOUR QUESTION
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here,” you say, eyeing the five men at the table.
“I’m on the edge of my seat,” Johnny says, sliding forward on his chair. You roll your eyes and Donghyuck and Taeyong laugh.
Yuta says, “I assume it has something to do with Mark.”
“Correct. Points to Yuta.”
“Hey! You didn’t say we were getting points,” Donghyuck says, pouting.
“Is it about him winning that writing competition?” Jaehyun asks.
“Exactly. See, Jaehyun, this is why you’re my favorite.” Jaehyun chuckles, the dimples in his cheeks deepening. Mark introduced you to Jaehyun a couple of weeks after you started dating and it’s safe to say that you became fast friends. Along with the other men in the room, Jaehyun is a self-proclaimed Mark expert, hence the group meeting.
“What present would he like?” you ask. “I’m trying to convey ‘Congrats on winning this competition’ and also ‘I love you.’”
The five of them stare at you and Taeyong grin, barely hiding the giddiness in his voice. “You’re going to tell him you love him?”
You nod and your friends cheer. Donghyuck says, “You could give Mark a rock and he’d love it because it’s you.”
“I’m not giving him a rock, Donghyuck.”
“What about a nice journal or something like that?” Johnny suggests.
“That’s an idea, but I want to make it special.”
Everyone is quiet for a minute but then Yuta says, “I have the perfect idea.”
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Mark holds your hand as you stroll through the park after having a nice dinner at the same restaurant you had your first date. “Can we sit?” you ask him, pointing at the bench.
“Sure!”
The two of you take a seat and you turn to him, saying, “I want to say again how proud of you I am for winning that competition.”
Mark waves you off. “Babe, I already told you it’s not that big a deal.”
“Baby, it’s one of the most competitive competitions out there!” Mark flushes with embarrassment and you laugh, leaning over to kiss him. He cups your cheek and pulls you closer, and you want to stay like that forever but you reluctantly pull away to continue speaking. “I got you something.”
Mark’s eyes widen. “You didn’t have to!”
“I wanted to.” You reach into your bag and pull out his present, wrapped into brown paper and tried neatly with string.
Mark gingerly unties it and gawks at the notebook. “This is real leather,” he says, running his hand over the cover. He looks at you worriedly. “This must have cost you so much! You really didn’t have to—”
“I told you that I wanted to and you deserve it. Open it up.”
Mark opens it and reads the inscription you got printed inside.
My dearest, Mark, Congratulations on winning the writing competition! After many sleepless nights, your hard work paid and I’m so proud of you. You work hard every day to do your best every day, whether it be at school or at work or for us, you do everything with all of yourself and it’s one of the many, many things that I love about you.
Our start was definitely unconventional but even through that, the connection we felt was still stronger than whatever threatened to sever it. It’s been six months since we started dating and I couldn’t be happier. Every day, I wake up and am thankful for you.
I’ll write it here first before I say it: I love you, Mark Lee.
His mouth lifts into a grin and he looks up at you with sparkling eyes. You say to him, “I love you, Mark Lee.”
He ghosts his fingers over the same words in print. Then, he leans close to you and softly and shyly murmurs, “I love you too.”
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the---hermit · 10 months
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09|12|2023
Again working today was not planned, but I had to cover my brother's shift, which means that again my study productivity was not what I was hoping for when I planned at the beginning of the week. I did finish the organized draft of the speech for the seminar, but it needs a bit more fixing and practice. I still feel like I did something so that's okay. Tomorrow will be a day to rest and recharge and then next week will hopefully be very productive. I need to get as much reading done for my power practices and men theories book, so that will be the focus of the second half of the week when I won't have to commute to lectures. I am feeling a bit anxious regarding exam season, but I have to stay focused on what I am doing now and not worry about that.
calm hobbit winter activities and productivity:
read first thing in the morning
worked in the morning and started planning ways we could reorganize some things
finished writing down my terrible speech draft for the seminar and tried to practice it a bit, but I need a key word list to do so well enough to time myself and see if it needs fixing so I will do that on Monday and Tuesday after I come home from class
continued my tma relistening
continued crocheting a hat for my mom
daily Irish practice on duolingo
today's self care:
took my supplements and meds
organized my tasks around my very low energy
📖: Bookshops and Bonedust by Travis Baldree
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galescafe · 8 months
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messy desk for virtual morning lecture / midday nail refresh
06 FEBRUARY 2024 | 45/100 DAYS OF PRODUCTIVITY
lots of messy desk visuals from the past two days, gonna need to do a desk tidy up for my midweek reset
could not summon the energy to get dressed in the morning, so i attended my physiology lecture and tutorial virtually
went to my capstone course and philosophy seminar
working on and need to finish readings for my gender and health seminar tomorrow as well as the ready for my physiology pset due tomorrow
having a weird mental health day w all of the physical aspects of a depressive episode but less of the mental aspect, which is probably due to the sheer lethargy i feel
win of the day is actually going to and participating in my last two classes though! we're taking all the wins where we can
friendly reminder that wearing a mask is an act of love!!
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eponymous-rose · 2 years
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I'm gonna do this again because it turned out last week kinda went off the rails without it and the little bit of accountability is super super helpful.
Monday!
It's a busy week! It's also my birthday week! Let's do this!
E-mail with coffee: sent a prospective grad student a congratulations on her admission to our program. I'm really hoping to hire her, but I do need to consider whether I might want to admit two students for this position and just get the extra funding for the second one elsewhere if both decide to come. Hmm. Confirmed coffee on Friday with the wonderful admin I've been wanting to befriend for a while - finally we'll interact outside of paperwork! Sadly Wednesday's seminar speaker is ill and won't be able to present - I'm leading the seminar so that does add up to a little less work for me, which is the silver lining there. One of my student groups is struggling to grab data from the weather station they built on the roof because the dang software doesn't work on Macs - managed to coordinate getting them a loaner PC laptop from the department, whew. Completed two letters of reference for an undergrad student applying to internships. Somehow managed to double-book a meeting and gave one a heads up to cancel. Showed my availability for scheduling a PhD defense for a student whose committee I'm on. One of the speakers for my seminar series sent a somewhat passive-aggressive e-mail to the department chair to let him know his info's not up on the website yet. Department chair forwarded it to me, I replied with, essentially "hold your dang horses, your talk isn't until mid-March". He replied back with a sheepish apology. All good.
Formulated my list of essential stuff for this week:
finish Wednesday's (and next week's?) lecture(s?)
prepare next week's homework & key
work on grant proposal
work on commissioned review article
So excited that we're finally to the part of the class that I have taught before in past years! Great lecture today about statistical data analysis. Hurt everyone's brains with the Monty Hall problem. Showed a lot of XKCD comics, got some laughs. Good times. Answered some student questions on the homework assignments, looks like everyone's on track to ace this one as well. This is a really strong class and I'm very proud of them!
On to a virtual meeting with my peer mentoring group! We talk about how utterly wild it is that different departments manage research funding in completely different ways. I vent a bit for the umpteenth time about having to rely 100% on grants to pay my grad students (bigger departments often have student funding provided if they TA, but we just don't have enough classes to sustain that). Easily the biggest source of stress in my life right now is running out of funding for my students: "in order to pay your graduate students, you have to receive a major grant" "cool! how likely am I to get one?" "success rates are about 1 in 15" "uhhhh" "also the applications (if you manage to find a perfect match for your research) take about 40-60 hours to plan and write and it's not work that's looked at formally as part of your tenure review so you're actively taking time away from research" "uhhhhhhh" "and you won't find out if you have been awarded the grant or not before you have to make the decision to hire a student so you just gotta gamble on it" "UHHHHHHH" "you don't get paid in the summer either unless you pull in 2-3 grants that can each cover one month max of salary so I hope you're not putting well over 50% of your take-home toward rent in one of the worst markets in the US or anything haha." It's A Lot. But it's very helpful to talk to people about it!
Realized I left my half-finished Wednesday lecture on my computer at home so I can't work on it during my break between meetings. Shoot, guess that's a tomorrow problem. At least I can work on the homework assignment! This one was an absolute nightmare last year but I think I've come up with a way to simplify it while still hitting all of the learning goals. It's complicated but hopefully very satisfying and builds on everything they've learned thus far. Even with the simplification, I'm definitely expecting some traffic in office hours next week. Opted not to include the more tedious section of the homework because I've tested that particular skill amply in the earlier assignments this quarter. Ran through it once on my own, sent myself the key, then posted the homework and the submission portal for their online module for next week, so all I'm missing now is the lectures.
E-mail break! A professor at a small university nearby wants to bring in a grad student from my group to talk to her class about tornadoes! I have someone in mind (who is both a great presenter and also could use a little confidence boost to get back on track with his research), but of course he's working remotely on the other side of the country, so it's time for a quick check to see if a remote presentation is possible. Checking in on my seminar speaker for next week - project title and abstract up on the website, phew. She's a grad student, so I should find out if her advisor can introduce her or if they want me to do so (and if so, I gotta do some digging for fun facts to share!). Got an invite to a lunch with the faculty & chair where we're going to be brainstorming our next faculty hire, so I gotta be there for that (also because free food)! Surreal to think that we might be hiring my colleague for the next 30 years. It's... kind of intimidating and I definitely want to be in the room for that discussion. Aha! A reply already: virtual talk is fine, so I put the professor and my grad student in touch.
Nice virtual meeting with my former postdoc advisor - we commiserate for a while over his recent illness, but he's feeling better now so we quickly jump back to talking research. The small grant I was awarded recently actually dovetails with some of the broader research ideas he and I had been talking about, so I'm gonna keep him in the loop on that!
Up next: a meeting with my two undergraduate research interns. They're coadvised by my colleague who is flying research aircraft on the other side of the country right now so it's just the three of us. Due to holidays and conferences, this is actually the first time in 2023 we all managed to meet! We go over some paperwork to make sure they get college credit for this research. They're spinning their wheels a little bit but I had them shoot off a couple emails while I was there to start them getting their data ASAP. We then chatted about severe weather we'd all witnessed. One of the students mentioned she's been saving the candy from my office candy bowl for whenever she forgets to bring lunch to campus and now I'm realizing I should maybe get some protein bars or something for some variety.
All good stuff. There's a seminar in 15 minutes but it's a chemistry seminar so... I may just sneak home a bit early.
Tomorrow: no meetings (maaaybe one remote meeting), so work-from home! Should be able to get the last bit of coursework done for the week so I can start on my research to-do list.
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What does a week in the life of a grad student look like?
So the answer to this will depend heavily on what stage of research you are in. I'll give my answer as someone who is currently in pursuit of a Master's degree, because this is currently my only firsthand experience.
As a Master's student, I am expected to take a certain number of courses, usually about three a semester. Often they meet just once a week, for 2+ hours at a time, and they are discussions/seminars rather than lectures.
On top of that, I have my teaching assistantship, which is contractually for 20 hours/week, but can go above or below that depending on when students turn in assignments.
With that being said, here's a week in my life:
Sunday: A heavy work day, during which I do most of my reading/work for Monday's class, catch up on emails, run errands that didn't get done on Friday. I do not go onto campus.
Monday: In the morning I finish up my reading for class in the afternoon. Depending on how much I have left to do, I will also do administrative tasks for my TAship, or work that needs to be done for my own research. Right now that means filling out internship and fellowship applications. Class from 2:30-5:15, after which I come home and eat dinner. From 6:15-7:30 I do reading for Wednesday's class.
Tuesday: No classes of my own today! If students for the class I TA have submitted assignments, I will spend an hour(ish) working on grading those. I am responsible for grading about 100 papers at a time. I try to spend no more than 2 minutes per paper/quiz. The class I TA meets from 2:30-3:45. The professor lectures while I do work on my computer. I get home and do more reading/work for Wednesday's class.
Wednesday: In the morning I finish any reading/work that needs to be done. If I have been productive in the front half of the week I use this time to run errands or do my own work. If I have not been productive I am cramming for class in the afternoon. Class goes from 2:30-5:15. I come home, eat dinner, and then do reading for Thursday's class until 7:30.
Thursday: In the morning I finish the reading for class in the afternoon. Class meets from 2:30-5pm. I come home and give myself permission to not do any work because my brain is fried and I do not have class tomorrow.
Friday: No class today! I start the morning with therapy, and then this is my day to attend to personal errands. This is mostly grocery shopping, laundry, and tidying. In the evening I often go out with friends to things like hockey games and bar trivia. Sometimes I go to Friday night Shabbat services.
Saturday: This is my day to decompress. I sleep in and then spend most of the early afternoon doing nothing. I paint my nails, read for fun, or take my dog for a long walk. In the afternoon I'll do something social—most weeks this is volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters.
Not pictured are daily activities that include, but are not limited to:
Checking email. Seriously, so many emails. I was not prepared for how many emails I would be getting in grad school
Classwork that I need to be turning in like paper abstracts, discussion posts, meeting with faculty
Doctors appointments
Cooking for myself. Trader Joe's frozen meals are a life saver
Attending talks/programs held on campus, usually in the evenings. These are prime time for networking
Hanging out with friends before class sometimes
Miscellaneous meetings
Walking my dog
Evening routines like Duolingo, journal entries, creative writing time, etc.
NAPS
Unexpected crises
Also, keep in mind that as someone living with a chronic illness/disability, I operate with less energy than some of my peers. But overall, my MA schedule is similar to my bachelor's one, but with fewer classes that each take up more time, and alongside working as a TA. My academic commitments with three grad classes are about the same as my undergrad semester when I took six classes.
As always, other people are free to chime in with their own experiences/observations.
-Reid
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Every morning is the hardest with this anxiety disorder. I always cry and I want to go home to my hometown and I miss my parents and my sister...
But I always survive these mornings somehow. If you are in the same shoes, keep going! Until now, you've survived 100% of your mornings and tomorrow will do just the same.
In other news, positive things in my day today:
- I almost finished my seminar paper (only needs some polishing that I hope I can do tomorrow morning)
- My dad called me and even though he is struggling too, he gave me so much strength and I can, after years of lack of emotional affection from him, finally feel how much he loves me. It means a lot that he tries to help and doesn't abandon me in these dark days of mine
- I also talked to my mom and my sister and they made me laugh, and I finally haven't felt that laughing while struggling is a crime (it's not!! Please, laugh as much as you can, you need those happy chemicals)
- I talked to my grandma too, she is my ray of sunshine, I love her so much 🤍
- I had to take my meds, but I finally accepted they are a source of help and I need them now, until I can be strong again
- I washed my clothes, my hair and I will ask God to help me next week, as I will have to encounter a lot of stress again (cardiology, psychiatrist and I also have to read a book by Tuesday and write something about it)
- I feel like my hands aren't trembling all day anymore and my heart rate is more okay too (I almost stopped checking my pulse all the time, nowadays I only do it once or twice a day)
I am trying really hard to tell my subconscious we will be alright. I believe we will.
- Reni
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murdrdocs · 7 months
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icarus I am so proud of myself rn 😭🙏
I am on a ROLL and cooking up a feast bc I just finished ALL of the work for one of my classes + I'm abt to go the extra mile to be prepared for my socratic seminar that's in a week
The only thing I have left are a few short paragraphs but I definitely need some elaboration on those from my professor
+ ALL OF MY LINES AND SONGS ARE MEMORIZED, MY COSTUME FINALLY CAME TOGETHER, AND I'M MEETING ANDREW FUCKING KOBER TOMORROW 😭😭😭😭
YIPPEE YIPPEE IM SHARING SOME OF MY HAPPINESS W YOU MWAH MWAH
-- 🎭
IM SO HAPPY FOR U BAE !!! HAVE FUN TMRW
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r-ene · 9 months
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day 14/366
got done with my first prayer and fasting week for the year (and ever) !!
honestly feels so nice to be disconnected from things from time to time, especially since as the week progressed i used my phone less and less and ive been taking more time in my quiet time in comparison to before.
since the prayer and worship service starts at 730pm for the whole week everyday, now that it's done, i feel the need to continue doing something within that time slot that's spiritually productive, so i might take a walk outside a little later while listening to a devotional podcast or what.
with that, ive been walking luna most of the week, making sure to take our time as we did to appreciate the field, flowers and all (we brought home 4 kinds of fallen flowers this week) and that was nice
tomorrow starts a new week of productivity – i decided to keep my sundays acads free again while i have the freedom to do so bc internship would require me to be on duty even on sundays – and here's my plan for the week in no specific order:
research proposal #3
finish my pending notes from board review sit ins (i asked my friends who had respiratory care seminar 1 last sem what they tackled and funnily enough, what was discussed in the lectures i sat in for boards covered their whole sem on rcs 1)
go get a health insurance id as requirement for internship
watch some games of my brothers for their intramurals bc they insist (im v touched bc instead of being embarrassed being aged 15 and 18, they still want me/us to watch their games haha)
follow up on my subject registration (monday)
continue reading to kill a mockingbird
work out (m t th f st)
continue to study up on mech vent + other weak topics (pft, hyperinflation therapy...)
anw i think that's about it !!
blessed sunday everyone, have a great week 🤍
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samsa-studies · 10 months
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4 December 2023, Monday 65/100 Days of Productivity
It's interesting to think about how tomorrow I'll be 23 years old. I don't particularly feel like a year has passed at all since my last birthday, it feels like a blur. I've been doing so much I guess that the time flew by.
Nervous about my presentation I have to give tomorrow, of course, but I'm also happy that it'll be over and I can work on the writing part of finishing my seminar class instead. I also have to finish my independent study proposal for next semester as well. I absolutely need to get that done before I can really take a break. I want to get it done before the semester is completely done and all the grades are in.
What I Accomplished Today: 🌸 Seminar presentation (Completed!) 🌸 Seminar presentation notes (Also Completed!)
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maybege · 1 year
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Hi, May! How are you?
I’ve been meaning to ask for like a week now, but the last couple weeks have been so hectic! I’ve been preparing for exams, working on a presentation for my bachelor seminar, working, and trying to find time for family.
Today‘s been … an interesting day. Woke up from anxiety dreams, had my presentation postponed because my professor has no realistic concept of how many presentations fit in one session, and walked home in the pouring rain (or literally started 10 minutes before I left uni 😭)..
But I made some really fucking good food for dinner, and I’m gonna see the new spiderverse movie tomorrow (I already feel like I’m gonna walk out of that movie obsessed with another character by Oscar Isaac). So I guess it could have been worse 🤷🏼‍♀️
Anyway, how are you? I hope your week has been/will be great 🧡🥰
Hello!!!! Oh you have no idea how lovely it was to see your name pop up in my notifs 🥺
I’m sorry to hear that the day hasn’t gone as planned (it’s so weird that all profs seem to have very wrong ideas of how many presentations can reasonably fit in one lesson??) and that life is generally very busy (because, same 😭). However, I need to know what that good food for dinner was and what you thought of the new spiderverse film? 👀 I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet but I really really want to because I’m sure it’s great!
I‘m doing okay! Working full time and a side job I’d taking a lot of time off my schedule and sometimes I feel like I can vaguely hold up (which I think shows in the fact that I can only every afford glances at this app 😭) but on the other hand, a lot of things are progressing. I’m currently redoing my apartment and have a lot of little projects going on but I hope that by the end of the month, everything is somewhat finished! Also with the summer months rolling in, I’ve started being a lot more socially active which is exhausting but also super fun!
Anyway, I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday today and that you’re enjoying this very sunny and warm week 🥰
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chelseahotel2004 · 1 year
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sorry for coming onto this site just to complain but i need to so bad or else i might explode ok. ok. so first they announce that my uni is being shut down whatever i spend a weekend not able to do work overcome with grief and stress about my future. then i get so awfully sick and miss two days of very important class lectures. then i go home for a weekend to see my sister and it ends up eating into my study time which is not good but fun at least. or you would think except i cannot sleep at my parents place i get like 2 hours each night and am just generally miserable. and then i realise that the day i am supposed to give my creative seminar is also the exact same day and time that i have to go see a show out of town for my theatre class and now i need to beg one of my profs to take pity on me. whatever. and i have a test tomorrow, another the next day (30% of grade), and then TWO the day after that + the creative presentation . havent finished most of the texts that these are on either btw. so fuck my stupid baka life i guess.
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27 May 2023 / Have some more from the Hunterian! It should be back open to the public now, but I’m very glad to have gone on the museum professionals preview day. The pristine glass was amazing.
Since my last post (since I’ve been procrastinating on posting again...), I’ve managed to take notes on History by Numbers, read and took notes on Causal Inference: The Mixtape, submitted the Official Complaint with some help from my sister, went to seminars, went to the AGM of the Linnean Society, kept working on museum stuff, submitted an application for a prize thing, planned out the next chapter that I’m going to work on, and got to work on alpha testing a new statistical package that I’m coauthoring. I also did a hell of a lot of organizing and adulting over the last....36 hours or so.
All of this doesn’t feel like enough for nearly two weeks, but getting through Causal Inference was a struggle.
Tomorrow, assuming a problem I’m having with alpha testing is solved by the person in charge of documentation is fixed, I should be able to finish a big chunk of tests. If not, I’m going to start reading another stats book and outline the code for the statistics I need for my next chapter.
I might also rearrange some of the existing text I have in my sample chapter to where it belongs in my (current) chapter plan.
I should finish Left Hand of Darkness tomorrow!
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