#but i hope you see whst im getting at

[gooboogy]

I'm thinking about (fat) characters who are relentlessly kind and nice in the face of the bullshit they've faced and continue to suffer through. Azirophale, Martin Blackwood, Jane Crocker (I'm sure there are others, fat or not, but funny how many of them are fat) who neglect and overcome their own bitterness constantly for the sake of others.

Betrayed by so much of the things they believed in, the people around them, the circumstances they're trapped in, and especially by themselves. So riddled with doubt and insecurity even at the best of times. Unable to trust their own thoughts and feelings, taking on the blame for others when they were never at fault. Trained to be "pleasant."

Until they snap and just have to be a fucking bitch for just a moment.

And yet that's when people tend to like them more, isn't it? One of the things Crowley loves about Azirophale is how bitter and bitchy he can really be. Jon seems to like Martin more when he tells him off, gets [redacted] arrested. Dirk is an appreciator of Jane's bossyness (leadership).

Bitter bitter people who try so hard to be kind to others while deeply struggling to extend that kindness to themselves. They don't understand that they're bitter, they don't accept it. It doesn't make any sense, they are so nice! And there's one of the deepest betrayals because they just can't face their own bitterness. The carrot they've been told to care for and cherish has been a stick all this time.

They did everything they were told was right. The first, and worst of all: don't trust yourself.

[lust4lore]

ARFARFARF so down bad for brattamer n casually dominant(by nature) kinda dark rafe n bimbo reader🤭🤭 imagine reader talkin to a random stranger in a bar or club or whateva she thinks its js a friendly interaction n shit after that rafes js there thinking 150 ways how to kill the guy for flirting wit his pretty little thing then she says it was a nice friendly convo n hes like whst???? yeah ahaha.... im obsessed pls forgive me

OH THIS GOT THE JUICES FLOWINGGG

the creative juices. get your head out of the gutter. that being said, thank you for your request! i hope i did it justice

CW: controlling!rafe, mildly dark!rafe, mmm kinda breaking my own guidelines w this one but VERY slight domestic violence? you get the point, manipulation

rafe cameron likes pretty things. so much, in fact, that he had known he was done for the second he saw you. you were cute— innocent— in a pink silk dress, ribbon in your hair and a sweet smile tugging at the corners of rosy lips. he just had to have you, and a year later, he did.

another well known fact about rafe cameron, though, is that he doesn’t share. and so, imagine his surprise when he comes back from the bathroom to see some man talking to you at the bar. he watches you for a moment, the rage settling in his veins enough to get his jaw clenching as you bat your eyelashes and giggle at whatever stupid joke that bastard just told you, pretty lips sucking at your straw as his gaze flickers down to your chest.

now that has rafe seeing red. he comes up behind you, an arm wrapping around your waist and causing you to slightly stumble back at the force of it. “hey, baby, who’s this?” he asks, fingers lightly twitching against your stomach. if you’re aware of the waves of fury radiating from him, you do nothing to show it, turning around in his hold with a naive smile and bright eyes. “rafey! this is alex, he wants to be friends,” you tell him, gesturing towards that sick perver— alex— behind you. “oh, does he?” he asks, but rafe isn’t talking to you, not really. if looks could kill, your new ‘friend’ would be further than six feet under the ground. “y’know, alex, i think my girl has enough friends already,” he squeezes your side, glancing down at you. “don’t you think, sweetheart?” the grasp he has on your waist tightens, fingers digging into your skin in a way that’ll probably bruise later.

you tilt your head, a crease forming between your brows as you lower your voice. “rafe, what- ow!” you yelp quietly as his iron grip bores into your ribs. he pays you no mind, though, still fixing alex with a chilling, eerily calm smile. “shit, man, i’m sorry, i’ll- m’gonna head out now,” the shorter boy mutters, looking intimidated as he staggers backward and rushes out the door. rafe gives a quiet chuckle at that and one of his hands grabs your wrist, yanking you closer. tears prick your eyes as he nearly cuts off the circulation in your hand, leaning in close to your face. “the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? letting other guys flirt with you like that?”

you let out a whimper at his harsh words, a tear rolling down your pretty face. “he was jus’ being nice, i-” you whisper, and a hint of satisfaction cuts through his anger. look at you, you need him, who else’ll be there to protect you from all of those gross guys trying to get a piece of his sweet girl? he sighs, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears off of your cheeks. “c’mon, doll, you know better, did you see the way he was lookin’ at you?” you just look up at him, tears still sitting in your waterline as he presses a kiss to your trembling lips. “i didn’t mean to make you upset, a’ight? m’just trying to protect you,” he murmurs, and you instantly feel a little guilty for the way you reacted. “m’sorry, i didn’t know he was-” but rafe shushes you, stroking your cheek gently.

“s’okay, baby, you’ll remember who you belong to when we get home,”

[eddiediazismyhusband]

God I wish I could be positive like other anons that said that for them 7x04 is the biggest confirmation buddie is happening. Please ignore this if you don’t feel like consoling me about my pessimist rant. I was optimistic but 7x04 made me a pessimist.

I just keep thinking “if 7x04 was supposed to be about buddie why was not about buddie?

Let me explain: it was the perfect setup for starting buddie. You know how it’s a bait and switch. They could have just not switched. They could have had Eddie go to buck instead of Tmmy and have Eddie say “you’re irreplaceable” which would have been much more meaningful and then “you know I can have more than a friend, right?” And buck could have said “maybe i don’t wanna be your friend” and boom you have bisexual buck and can get rid of that old ugly man.

It was the perfect setup, you need to change literally ONE SCENE. I literally can’t find a reason why they didn’t do it. My BFF said “they couldn’t make them come out at the same time” but they wouldn’t have. Eddie could have rejected him and then spend s7 coming to terms with his feelings instead of the shit that happened. I don’t believe in the “it’s cuz it’s a slow burn” theory because 6 years is slow enough. I wanna be a truther so bad but ever since 7x04 I’ve been slowly losing hope.

I flip flop between being optimistic and pessimistic… to me i can see the vision of whst they were *trying* to do with 7x4 but with no chemistry and one of the actors being so inept at their job it just fell completely flat… it felt unearned in a way bc we have seen buck and eddie interracting for 6 years, and the entire episode was centered around buck pining for eddie’s attention (im sorry, there is not way any of what buck did in that episode was out of any interest in Timmy Turner) just to throw the curveball at the end. The point of a bait and switch is thay the switch has to be believable, and earned— but it wasn’t because you spent the entire episode talking about eddie. Why not have buck’s jealousy be solely “oh i hate Tylenol, he’s so ughh and i hate him and i can’t stand him” bc if it had been that i would be more inclined to believe that buck had some sort of unconscious interest in him.

but that’s not what they did, they made him go gaga over eddie the entire episode.

another thing they could have done to make the switch effective is actually given Tuberculosis a role within the episode other thsn to show up and kiss buck… like showcase him and buck interacting more… build sublte tension there that makes it believable that buck is attracted to him… don’t just shove him in a corner and leave him collecting dust (don’t get me wrong i am NOT campaigning for them giving that man more screentime in fact i want that man off my screen as soon as possible which should have been the end of 7x3)

so from a narrative standpoint… to have eddie so intrinsically linked to Buck’s emotional arc in 7x4, i can absolutely see the vision of trying to do the whole misplaced feelings thing… even if they didn’t stick the landing at all bc lfj’s face is so stiff from all the botox that he can’t emote to save his life.

to me where things start to fall apart is after 7x4…. they had the perfect opportunity for buck to have his arc in 7x5, “mess things up with Tiramisu” (even though i fully side with buck in everything that happened on that date, like bffr) and then end the episode with them deciding to no longer pursue a relationship because they want different things (buck wants a relationship but is still new to this, Tire-Iron is old af and just wants a boytoy) and have them part ways… but they decided to double down on the relationship, having Buck invite a man he has known for 5 minutes to his sister’s wedding and then proceeded to make the wedding about buck??? that’s where the writers truly lost me. especially after they spent the first part of that ep establishing that Tricycle is nothing but dismissive and condescending to Buck just to make the whole wedding scene about them??? there was no need for that cringe-ass kiss (even if it had been a buddie plot point that kiss would have made me cringe bc the way it was written was so fuckin corny and also we waited too damn long for the madney wedding for it to be about someone else).

then ofc there’s the medal ceremony where we once again see Tuberculosis being dismissive of buck, and then 7x10 where he steamrolls over buck trying to have a meaningful conversation for him to just make a fucking sex joke…..

like i keep flip flopping back and forth bc i KNOW that T-rex has no substance as a character and no personality whatsoever beyond kissing buck, but i don’t understand why they’ve kept him around this long? There were plenty of opportunities to end things between them… 7x10 had a golden opportunity to solidify buck prioritizing bobby/eddie over his relationship and having Trampoline get upset and move on?? 7x9 could have had Bobby tell buck that he didn’t think Tablecloth was a good partner for him, comparing her to Abby and Taylor.

He was nowhere to be SEEN in 7x7

There could have been a moment in 7x6 where Eddie and Buck had a heart to heart (not even to make buddie go canon in that ep, but for eddie to point out that Truckstop doesn’t seem all that interested in him— hell or even hav HEN do it??)

After the entirety of 7b my trust in Tim has dwindled down so severely that I genuinely am trying not to form any expectations from s8… like i am fully prepared to just be disappointed again.

That being said I do think there is still so much potential for them to fix the mess quickly if they actually put in the time and effort… my issue is that idk if I trust them to fix the mess or just make it worse.

Plus if the same thing happens with s8 as s7 where they get renewed early on, that runs the risk of Tim changing the story yet again and dragging out plot points that don’t need to be dragged out.

Like it has fully been 6 seasons. Booth and Brennan were together by then, there is no reason buddie needs another full season…. especially after they’ve given themselves yet another wide open road to give us eddie coming to terms with his feelings; whether they go down that route or try to rehash shannon again is yet to be seen…

i saw someone else on here say something (and i cannot for the life of me remember who said it so full credit to that person for this quote) but it was along the lines of (and this is SEVERELY paraphrased) “tim made the choice to kill of shannon. if you wanted her to still be around then you shouldn’t have killed her. you made the choice, so stick with it.” and i feel like that applies to a LOT of the character regression/retconning we saw in s7

so i’m still in that boat of until they actually make the show good again, I’m gonna sit and wait because it’s not worth getting my hopes up and stressed about something that may not even happen bc the writers love toying either our emotions more than they love telling the story the way they themse have set it up to be told.

(also this applies to the show as a whole, not just buddie, there were so many plotlines in s7 that just careened into the realm of melodramatic soap opera to me in a way that was so ooc for the show… what happened to the little procedural dramedy? why is the cartel here committing arson? why are there pirates attacking a cruise ship in an arc that lasts all of 5 minutes? i miss the s2/3/4 era so badly (yes, say what you will about s4 but i enjoyed that season) and i really thought we were going to be getting that back in s7 (and pirate plot aside, eps 1-3 showed promise, and tbh aside from the kiss at the end 7x6 is one of my favorite episodes of the show in general, but as far as the season as a whole it just fell so flat for me)

[rainbowstargazerlilies]

Mechs Ships Tournament: Shipping Round 1 Poll 10

Propaganda:

Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot:

that one post where its like theyre the us government but if it actually did whst it said it did. three different people of equal power keeping each other in check. also they aLMOST SAVED THE STATION WITH THE POWEROF LOVE [Pollrunner's note: post here]

POLYAMORY

I just love them a lot and blood and whiskey is so good and ”maybe just this once there could be a happy ending” makes me cry every time 

blood and whistey

the track where they decide

Briar/Cinders

when you both think that you know each, remember knowing each other, but you dont. you remember your wedding day, but youre complete strangers. some of it is the passage of time, some of it was that prisons arent exactly conducive to getting to know people, but the rest. the rest is that you fundamentally arent the same person. you were born decades later, in a lab. wires bound in flesh, programing meets neurons. you are not the same rose, but you hope she will love you the same.

#Briar and Cinders…#them#they’re so fucked up#or rather their situation is#for propaganda just see. the entirety of oh lover we’re not finally through (tags via @miralines)

#also i think briar deserves something. im so sad about briar. idek if their relationship would work out good fic ideas there but i think-#briar/cinders should win over rose/cinders#rose and cinders relationship was propaganda but briar and cinders’ doesnt have to be. they just need to break out of the idea that briar-#is rose. (tags via @majorshatterandhare)

[cuddl3s4shur1]

Record Store II

ShuririxBlack Fem College Reader

Summary : Your celeb crush happens to go to your school.Doing your daily Arrons you see her with her girlfriend and exchange numbers

Authors Note:Thank you for reading the part 1 to this story if you haven’t read part 1 go read it it makes the story make sense and uh Enjoy !

Taglist: @tuesdaylovesu @iloveours @ziayamikaelson @taiiunknown @lunax0654

Part 1 ,Part 3

Y/N’S Pov

“Shuri Riri I’m sorry I can’t handle this pressure y’all are going to have to leave “ You said over whelmed .They get up from the couch and head out the door “sorry if we ruined the vibe for you “ riri says as she opens the door to leave “Oh know y’all didn’t ruin it I’m overwhelmed “ you say to riri as she walks out . You face time your best friend . ✨❤️🍾🖕🏾𝓜𝔂 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓯𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓻✨❤️🍾🖕🏾goes over your phone “Girl omfg i need your help “ you say while setting the phone up so she can see you “What is it “ She wonders “ Ok so I called you for truth and drink 3rd question it says call you crush for shuri and she called me “ you say speaking fast but she still understood “OMFG THATS GOOD WHST DID YOU SAY” She looks happy and smiles “That’s the problem I told them to get out “ you say awkwardly “I’m going to beat your ass when I see you your crushes confess love and you kick them out be fucking Serious “ she says madly “So what should I text them like what should I say “ you say in a worried tone and begin to pass back and forth “First you gone call them let them come back to your house and do what ever “ your best friend says . “Ok I got you” you responded with confidence

Shuri’s Pov

I did it I confessed love to my crush and she kicked us out of her house great ! I Call y/n back to back but all voice mail . “Riri would is I fucked are friendship with y/n “ I say scared we begin to walk out the building.I feel my phone start to vibrate in my pocket I hope it’s y/n I thought I take it out my pocket to see it was a call from y/n “even though I just kicked y’all out you guys can come back to my apartment to talk about what just happened” I begin to smile and look at riri i pat her shoulder to get her attention “Y/n said we can go back in “ I begin a slight smirk at riri .We walk back to the elevator heading up to the elevator .”Riri What if she likes us back “ I say happily “She has been flirting I can tell she likes us “ riri said confidently “I hope “ I mumble . That’s when the elevator dinged ,We where at are stop my heart sank scared of what her reaction could be .

We walk to her door and I start to knock on the door.”Y/N it’s us “ I say hoping she heard me . Y/n opens the door “come on in “ she said in a nervous tone .She proceeded to open the door full.We walk in this time we don’t sit . “I don’t want y’all to be scared or anything but I love you guys like not as friends like more than friends im talking dating wise and I understood if y’all aren’t comfortable with the poly relationship but yeah” Y/N says fast while talking with her hands .She looks so cute nervous i thought to myself . “We are so comfortable with this don’t worry y/n riri says while smirking at me . “That’s the best news all day “ I say smiling at the end it really was the best news .

Riri’s Pov

Y/n confessed her feelings about how she feels about us . I already knew that she had crush it was obvious to me . The way she would nervously talk to us about things .The way she would fidget with her hands and way more. I was Very Observant when it was about y/n . Me and shuri would talk about her all the time how she would talk ,walk ,carry herself ,how she dresses and my favorite,how she didn’t give any fucks . Y/n was my dance teacher mostly especially when it was her favorite songs .You could and would expect to see y/n dance often if not she had to be sick. The more I thought about y/n the more I knew i loved her and shuri .I got out of my thoughts and dream once y/n said my name 3 times like a genie . “Riri Riri RIRI” y/n said it made chuckle.

“Come on don’t just stand there we got canes to play” y/n said moving us to the couch . “That’s the y/n we know and love “I say happily. Shuri hmms. “Yo Yall want some cookies “ y/n said Eating a cookie . “I could never pass on what you make “ shuri says “you know how to back and cook” she explains to y/n “OFC why would I decline “ I say with joy in my tone of voice. Y/n passes us some cookies to “Taste Test “ “tell me if these cookies are good or not “ y/n explains I begin to take a bite “ yum ,is that caramel “ she nods “you made this recipe ,you know how to throw Down in there dayumm this good “ I say while fucking the cookie up .

Y/n’s Pov

After you confessed your love we begin to do normal things again. You danced got drunk with played card games you know the basics. You begin to hear the beginning of a song you love and made a dance to .Collide By Justine skye ft tyga,You made so many dances you would think they got tired of you dancing. You did your moves pretty good for being drunk . Everyone was tired at this point it was 2:30 in the morning. “ Y’all probably can’t go home so y’all can just sleep in the guest bedroom” you say halfway asleep . “Where is it “ shuri says in her normal tone . “Follow meeee “ you say as you get up and walk to the guest room .you hear foot steps follow you . “This is it you guys also have a bathroom “ you say trying to smile .Shuri takes the basket off the bed .”I need pjs “ riri says to me . “ it’s some in the basket thing “ you begin to say while pointing at the basket shuri placed on the ground. Riri and shuri get the pjs out of the basket and riri goes to the bathroom to change . You walk to your bedroom and sense you already had your pjs on you just put on your bonnet . You guys all went to sleep for the “night “ .

The Next Morning

Y/n’s Pov

You woke up at 8:30 which was pretty weird for you especially when you got hungover. Why not make breakfast you where hungry.Once shuri and riri would wake up they would most likely be hungry to. You got out of bed and got your AirPods off your table .You connected them to your phone and started your music . After Last Night by silk sonic played . You loved silk sonic you wished they made another album. You walked out of your bedroom while slowly dancing.I make my way the kitchen and start getting ingredients for pancakes.You can very creative flavors for anything. But for some reason you wanted to make Turtle pancakes. You already knew that shuri and riri weren’t allergic to peanuts so you where good. You crushed up the peanuts in a bag and set them aside.You than started making the pancake batter.You added the crushed peanuts from earlier and mixed it in. You started making the pancakes and made sure they where golden . You flipped them and kept making more until you where out of batter. You started to making there plates .You added caramel and chocolate syrup on top with extra peanuts . You ate your pancakes while watching abott elementary. Once you where done eating it was 9:50 .You washed some of the dishes now to make it easier for you.You than begin to hear footsteps from shuri and riri .They woke up and most likely smelled the food .”Y/n this looks hella good “ riri says taking a seat Infront of a plate . Shuri also takes a seat where a plate is . “Would guys like orange juice or apple juice “ you say while walking to the fridge.”apple” they both say while eating their breakfast.you grab the apple juice and get 2 cups.You place the cups on the counter and pour the juice into the cups. You close the juice and put it in the fridge.You get the cups from the counter and put it on the table for shuri and riri .

“Thank you y/n “ they say while you are walking to your bedroom. “No problem “ you say while meeting your bedroom. You start to get ready for your shower.You take off your pjs and under wear to get in the shower .Oh shit you forgot your lotion and outfit .You walk out your bathroom and went back to your bedroom.You get your lotion and other things you may need after the shower . You than get your outfit and was about to leave your room “Y/n” you here shuri say .You jump and all your items fall out of your hands . You turn around to look at shuri and than your towel drops

Oh shit . It dropped

[hermionefae]

The Devil's Right Hand Woman

MJF x Original Fem character

Suzie is a undervalued wrestler in AEW but she knows she can be more, in steps MJF who says he can help her, but is he only in it for himself?

Part 1

I walked down the hallway of the Prudential Center on my way back to the women's locker room, pausing to spit put the left over blood pack from my mouth into the bin.

If my mother could see me now she would have been horrified at her only daughter covered in fake blood wearing a bright pink cheerleader wrestling outfit. But as my mother didn't approve of my choice of career I didn't have to worry about her opinion of my appearance.

I entered the locker room where the rest of the other ladies were just packing up, ready to go home. There was still one more match of the night but as that was between the men, us women weren't needed so we could warm down and pack up. I groaned as I sat down, I was feeling pretty beaten up after my match with Britt Baker, a wrestler that I admired and modeled my career on, so when I heard that Tony Kahn had arranged for us to have a match, I was estatic. But, as usual it was pre-planned for me to loose as I had just graduated from a jobber, I still couldn't be seen to beat the great Britt Baker, who had just walked through the door.

"Thanks for a great match Kiddo, you really put me through my paces." Said Britt loosening her boots and stepping out of them. All the other wrestlers called me Kiddo , they couldn't be bothered to learn my name and they thought this was a term of endearment, it wasn't.

"Oh thank you for letting me try out those new spots, I think the crowd loved them" I replied.

"They certainly thought it was something" came Toni Storm's voice from the shower.

Britt rolled her eyes "ignore her, I think you're really coming along."

I sighed "I just wish Tony would let me win for once"

"Well, perhaps you should tell him toots" a male voice answered. My head snapped to the door, some whst painfully after my fight to see MJF, the AEW World Champion in all his glory with belt and wrestling gear on.

"Get out of here Max, this is the woman's locker room and last time I checked you weren't a woman" bit back Britt.

Max held up his hands and smirked at the Doctor. "Sheesh, I'm going anyway, I've got better things to do then hang out with you loosers." And with that he was gone as quickly as he appeared.

"I still can't believe they made him champion" said Toni as she came out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her.

"Don't worry, Adam will take the title from him in London. Then we'll have a real champ" smiled Britt as she got up to go into the shower room, she turned back to me "I meant what I said Kiddo, you'll get your shot soon. Are you coming to the after party? Kenny is hosting at his hotel."

I hadn't planned on going, in fact, I wasn't even aware that I was invited but after the night I had, I needed to have a few drinks to let off some steam. "Yeah sure, why not" I replied.

I showered and changed back into the clothes I arrived in which was just a pair of jeans and a black tight t-shirt. I hoped that this wasn't a dressed up party as I hadn't brought anything like that with me.

Kenny Omega and the other men stayed in a different hotel to most of the women, only the couple like Britt and Adam Cole stayed in the same hotel for obvious reasons. Tonight it seemed that Kenny had booked out the downstairs bar that lead to the outside pool area. It was a warm New York night and I was grateful for the glass of sparkling wine that was given to me once I showed the security guard my AEW pass with my ID.

Everyone was here, even the House of Black and Julia Hart who despite their appearances when they were in character were actually the nicest people in AEW. Juila was the only one who actually called me by name. She spotted me and waved me over.

"Hey Suzie, I didn't know you were coming tonight"

"Yes, well I needed to blow off some steam and im not booked for a while so I can have lots of drinks before I get back to training"

"That's my girl" cheered Julia as she passed me a tequila shot. I quickly downed my wine, licked the salt from the back of my hand, shot the tequila and finally bit into the lemon, shivering from the alcohol and bitterness of the lemon.

My night went by in a flash after that in a whirlwind of alcohol and laughter. I even got to speak with Kenny and the Young Bucks who were a great laugh but the night was winding down now as the sun was threatening to come up and I was trying to work out in my drunk mind how to get back to the hotel whilst I was laying on the sun lounger.

"Getting a head start on your tan toots?" I looked up to see MJF once again.

"Maxwell Jacob Friedman, what do I owe the pleasure" I slurred

"I think I understood that, I just thought I saw a damsel in distress thst might need saving"

"Like you care"

Max sat down next to me "despite what you may think of me, I'm not a bad person Kiddo"

"Suzie" I corrected him.

"What?"

"My name is Suzie, Susan actually but I prefer Susie"

Max held out his hand "you can call me Max"

I took his outstretched hand and instead of him shaking it he brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it. " Now I heard on the grapevine that you were a little pissed off with the matches Khan had been booking you in"

"He treats me like a jobber but I know I can be more. I am more"

"Hmmm seems to me that you need an image change. Plus a new training reigme. I can help with both"

I was shocked "really? Why?"

"I won't tell you my reasons now, you won't remember them. I just want you to trust me. Can you Suzie? Trust me?"

"Fine " I said, without thinking.

Part 2 here

[sttoru]

when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool!!!) no pressure!!!! ur blog is awesome, enjoy!

• for whenever u come back <3 hope uni's treating u well !!

HANNAHHH !!!! thank u sm , uni’s been treating me bad but we live >_< love u sm bb hope life’s been treating u well 2

can u believe that i spent like almost half an hour thinking of whst i like abt myself ohmygod my brain was overworking LMAOO

1. tiny mole under my eye :3

i like it bcs it uhh completes me ig? like it completes my looks & its just at the perfect under my eye ^_^ i also have tiny moles on my arms and stomach but that specific one is visible to everyone yk its v cute imo

2. teeth

i had braces when i was like 11 / 12 and used to HATE THEM SM but they made my teeth to what they are today (straight) so i kinda have to thank my dentist for recommending me to get braces . bless u

3. no-judging personality / open minded

LITERALLY people can come and confess to me w whatever (except for like straight up disgusting or weird stuff like anything misogynistic/ pedophilia related stuff /racism etc u get the gist of it) and i’ll sit there be like ‘mhm yup okay go on’ . i think i won’t ever judge someone quickly yk like im actually be interested in what ppl like or what ppl think of, their hobbies & stuff rlly i just like to listen to ppl ramble even abt the smallest of interests or likes ^_^ im v accepting of ppl most of the time unless they make me uncomfy ofc

4. drawing skills / creativity

ngl i dont like most of my drawings but i love how creative i can be!! my drawings end up taking a lot of time and patience but at the end i’ll be like ‘damn i rlly drew that’ (and that lasts for like a day or two before i dislike it . but i’ve heard its bcs u stare at it for too long or don’t see it from someone else’s personal) . BUT also w my writing yk, i can come up with hundreds of ideas at once :3 though sometimes it ends up being a hassle bcs i start way too many drafts and then dk what to continue on ooopsies

5. how helpful i am

i like how helpful i am in most scenarios irl and on social media ! i can give decent advice abt most things (at least thats what my family/ friends have told me along the many years of uni + high school) and i rlly just like to help ppl who need it yk? like i dont get annoyed if someone asks for something to which the answer could be obvious to others—i dont judddgeeee once again :3 i got patience & the need to help others with even the smallest things so yea i like that abt me

[knightbugs]

WORLDS WORST BAD BATCH LIVEBLOG - EPISODE 1

-- DISCLAIMER: this liveblog fucking sucks and to understand my thought process you need to either read it while watching the bad batch or you need to have every episodes events completely memorised -- the droids are silly

this caleb guy looks about 12 whys his voice so deep

holy shit is that the bad batch from bad batch theyre here in bad batcj

omg crosshair is there

wrecker is just heavy tf2 ?? <- guy who has never played tf2

NEEEEERD (affectionate) (directed at tech obviously)

i like this woman i like how she talks she sounds like kanaya from homestuck ? like how ive seen her portrayed. the way she says 'do what they do' as if shes saying it in quotation marks i like tgat

WHAT THE FUCK H.ES. THE GREEN GUY HE'S THEYRE KILLINGTHE WOMSN WHST THE FUCK hply shit she did a flip WHAT THE FUCK SHES DEAD WHAT THE HELL

hunter (i think ?) did a little slide in the snow that was cool

crosshair why are you shooting this kid

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KICKED CROSSHAIR IN THE BOOOOOBS

crosshair is stereotypical-queercoded-villain-core listen to him talking

why os it raining is this pathetic fallacy

OMEGA IS THERE

ADOLESCENT HUMAN FEMALE

longass alien lady hi

the guys aer arguing

'you WANT to sit with us? that's never happened before' they're just like me fr

WAR WAR WAR FOOD FIGHGT GO GO GO

echo is fucking died

gonna go to the hairdressers and ask for the hunter bad batcg cut

this fellas got goofy pants hes observing them in the lasertag arena

this is like ultrakill thats like the drones from ultrakill

THEY FUCKING KILED WRECJER NOO someon get him a bandaid STAT

i like the sparks frkm the guns

is there a guide somewhere to interpreting these hand signals i wanna do that

GET REPROGRAMMED BITCH

HE SHOT THE KNIGE INTO ITS FACELIKE THE ULTRAKILL COUNS THATEAD FUVKUBG SICK AWESOME SO COOL holy shit

i like how Sharp goofy pants mans design is

omega: let mecome with youuuuu hunter: you are literally 12 fuck off

how is omegas head thingy attached how does that work

Creature Noises ?!

tech shut UP about his programming

there's guys ???????? like a little village

i like how you can see techs eyes it makes him look less hostile which makes sense because hes a NEEEEEEEERD

crosshair is monarchist scum sorry ✌️

BNUUY THING LOCATED

bad batch ipad theyer like bts to her /j

WHAT THE FUCK HE SHOT THE LITTLE ROBOT GUY THAT WAS SO MEAN

i hope this doesn't make me start talking in an australian accent oh god

Oh there's a guy there Oh theres many guys

oh they're naked (NO armour)

omwgas in JAIL

crosshair stop being all edgy you little bitch. 'good soldiers follow orders' youve been propaganda'd so hard boy. you are not immune to propaganda garfield image

'youre angry' NO SHIT OMEGA ok he basically just said that

is omega their tgerapist now

bruuuuh they took crosshai

homeboys being Analysed

don't intensify his programming !!!!! bitchass

this is so unethical all of it

theres so much good textures on this sjow

their BOOOBS are VISIBLE

soery i will nevr shut up about boobies

PUNCH THAT WALL BOY !!

'try it again. a little harder.' THATS WHAT SHE SAIIIIID

YEAAAA WOOOOO GET THEIR ASSES

oh my god its 2am. fucking hell i need to get to snoozin

ok i will finish the remaining 10 minutes tomorrow morning. (i did not do that, i stayed up to finish it)

they done poked around in his brain !!

oh my god the textures on this. im going insane

ah hell no he sjot wrecker in the boob

OMEGAS GOT A GUN

did they just like. abandon crosshair. i mean fair enough ig itd be pretty dangerous to try to un-fuckup his brain or what ever

omega was forced to eat cement when she was 6

oh they know a guy

--EPISODE 1 DONE--

[honeybeekao]

saw u post that u were crying and i cry like all the time so i get you but at the same time i'm your friend and i care about you dear so like hi i hope you're doing alright and i love you sm/p

have this for your troubles

thankfully im not like Sobbing or anything im just very tired. you know how babies cry when theyre tired see im a literal crybaby gdjhdmhfm THANK YOU ohmh whst movie are they seeing can madonee pick it i hope she does

loveyou

[strayficks]

EPHEMERAL 3

1 . 2

smut, fluff, angst. 

word count: 11.1k

You yawned as you stretched your arms, easing the tense muscles. The memories came rushing back from last night. Jaehyun’s tight grip on your thighs and butt left soft purple bruises, tender to the touch. The way he pressed your face into his bed made you dizzy.  

“Fuck.” You sighed, remembering the panties that you gave him costed a lot. You doubt you have any bravery trying to get it back. You were trying to keep him hooked on you by doing that, a bold move if you will. But damn, you have to get it back no matter what considering the amount of money you spent on it.

To be honest, you don’t know what it is that you want with Jaehyun. You’re not one for relationships, since being in one always left you hurt. You we’re scared of commitment. Scared of uncertainty. You leave before you get left alone, and you hate yourself for it. You flirt for fun, it gives you a surge of excitement. Seeing guys fawn over you makes you feel wanted, and for a while, it was enough for you.

But now, guilt is filling you up to the brim, overflowing. You can’t imagine being hurt like you hurt those guys you toyed with. You want to try to be brave, you do. You thought of giving Jaehyun a shot when your phone lit up with a notification. Text from an unknown number, it must be Jaehyun. Now that you know Jaehyun is friends with Yukhei, you didn’t even think twice that Jaehyun would surely ask him for your number.

UNKNOWN

Hey, it’s Jaehyun. Are you busy right now?

-

You hestitated on answering, but you quickly tapped on your screen, too quickly.

-

YOU

Oh jey, I’m not. Whst’s yp?

Jaehyun

Would you like to have lunch with me?

YOU

Sure, i’ll get ready.

Jaehyun

I’ll come pick you up, send me your addy.

-

You sent him your address and got ready, trying your best to cover the love bites on your neck with foundation. You dressed yourself in a simple shirt and jeans, when you walked over to put on some makeup, a notification startled you. ‘Im here.’ read the text.

“Shit, shit, shit”

You stumbled on your own feet, rushing over to get your sling bag as you completely skipped your makeup. It hasn’t been an hour, and you can already see a sleek black car parked in front of your house.

With rushed steps, you opened the door and greeted him. He was wearing the same thing as you, a simple shirt and jeans. His soft hair tousled by the wind as pink kissed his nose and cheeks. He looked ethereal.

He hugged you gently, in which you were surprised at first, but you hugged him back and he guided you inside his car. He was so gentle with everything. When he scooted over to put on your seatbelt, his scent brought memores of him being close to you and fucking you senseless. Well, you can’t blame yourself. It was the only thing you had done together on the 2 times that you’ve met. He spoke so carefully, trying to not say the wrong thing. As if this is the first time he’s ever spoken to a woman. That is, until he asked,

“Did you cover the hickeys?” He sneaked a glance from the road to your neck.

You instinctively touched the part layered with foundation, “Yes? they were purple you know?”

“Then i did it right.”

You were too distracted seeing his hands on the steering wheel, thick, but gentle fingers turning the steer as your eyes continue to wander downwards to his thighs. You were brought back to reality when Jaehyun cleared his throat, adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he spoke.

“We��re here.”

Before Jaehyun could take your seatbelt off, you beat him to it. Breathe.. You’re having lunch, don’t think about sucking his cock.

Jaehyun silently got out and so did you. The restaurant had a nice atmosphere. With booths and sofas, there were a couple of elders and teenagers there. You walked over to one of the sofas and you both sat opposite of eachother. You brushed your hands to stay warm as Jaehyun watched you with a smile etched on his pretty lips, dimples showing and finding their way to your heart.

You swiped a finger to your nose, nudging your piercing gently. “What?’

“You’re beautiful.”

His gaze pierced into you. A blush creeped onto your cheeks as you tried to be composed. The compliment sounded genuine, heartfelt, ardent. You don’t know if it’s the way he’s looking at you, or the gentle voice he spoke with that made your heart ache. It’s like 4th grade again. You were about to respond, however a waiter came over to the table, asking if you’re ready to order.

"And one strawberry smoothie please." You added.

Jaehyun seemed to have taken a liking to staring at you. Too much was rude, but Jaehyun couldn't get enough. Even when the waiter left after taking your orders, Jaehyun still couldn't believe you were sitting in front of him.

The panties that you gave him sat on his bed at home. He would be lying if he didn't jack off to it last night, but you wouldn't know that. The way you speak hypnotized him, the movement of your lips brought filthy imaginations he couldn't believe he'd be thinking in a restaurant.

Jaehyun had asked for your number to Yukhei.

It took a little convincing and a roll of blunt, but he finally ended up giving it to him. Everytime Jaehyun looked at her, it's like the world is going in slow motion. And he'd hoped it would be only the two of you in this world if it meant you would be staying with him. Your voice lulled him to sleep, your fingers caressing his skin made him shiver. The sunlight bouncing off your skin made you glow, your soft features paired with the glint on your nose ring made Jaehyun want to reach out and kiss you. To kiss those perfect lips of yours. Jaehyun couldn't get enough of you.

"You're so obsessed with me, aren't you?" You teased, the corner of your lips perked up.

Hell yes, that's correct. Jaehyun thought.

He contemplated on answering but he diverted his eyes from her lips and looked at her. Nope, i won't admit it just yet.

"Was that your go-to lunch order?" Jaehyun asked, obviously changing the topic.

You beamed, "Burritos are amazing."

You both talked about the food choice and you agreed that Jaehyun undoubtedly was a picky eater. He completely hated olives, cucumber, and cauliflower. He only liked dark chocolate, and cheese pizza. It was until then you talked about your mutual friends that you cackled on his story,

"He was screaming! i told him that it wasn't true, here, i got it on camera."

He leaned on the table, his phone screen in front of you as the video played. Yukhei was on his underwear, muttering something incoherent as he walked around screaming his lungs out, it was until the end that you heard him scream a one direction song to a toilet.

"Wow," You whistled, "Send that to me."

"Done."

The conversation was pleasant. You realized that Jaehyun wasn't as broody and cold as people say. He was cheerful. Everytime he smiled and showed you those pretty dimple of his, your heart skipped a beat. His voice... god his voice. It was deep, smooth, and soft at the same time. He walked in long strides, graceful and composed. When you both were done, he helped you stack the plates and put the smoothie glass on the side. He offered to take you on a drive around town to catch some wind, but you realized you haven't done anything for an upcoming test you had. He teased you for studying, but you reminded him that you can't just nonchalantly flunk a test, Jaehyun was surprised at your determination. He called you pretty once again when he dropped you off, telling you,

"Text me when you're free, we're going out again."

--

It was monday, You had been busy studying for a test and had been flipping through the flashcards. Jihyo and Ryujin were mad at you for not telling them the lunch you had with Jaehyun the other day. It was apparently a big deal, Jihyo screamed onto the phone and Ryujin listened with peaked interest as you covered your face from the camera on your phone.

This test is gonna be the end of me, you muttered under your breath.

Another big reason to study, it's 40% of your grade and you couldn't afford to mess up. Collecting every last bit of your will to live, you read through your notes for the 89th time.

ring

ring

ring

You groaned as you looked at your phone, an unknown number was calling. You already saved Jaehyun's number, so it couldn't be him. You picked up, in case it was an emergency.

"Hello?"

"I knew you were a slut, but i didn't think you'd stoop as low as to go out with that cunt Jaehyun."

His voice rang in your ears.

The voice that you loathed so much, the voice that made you cry, the voice laced with pure hate, was talking to you. Hwang Hyunjin was everything you hated.

He was sweet, at first. Then everything went sour. You had found out that he had been cheating on you with 3 different girls, and he had the audacity to say that it was your fault. It was your fault that you weren't interesting enough for him. It was your fault that you were making him tired of you. It was your fault that he cheated.

You were stupid enough to give him another chance. After he came to your house at 3 am, on his knees in front of your front door, he cried on your arms saying everything was his fault, you decided to give it another try. You were dead wrong hoping that he would change, Hwang Hyunjin was a cheater. The second time he cheated, he had been high on drugs. He said that he accidentally fucked another girl because she looked like you.

And as the saying goes; once a cheater, always a cheater.

"Did you forget yourself? You're the lowest of the low. Rot in hell, you piece of shit."

Hyunjin scoffed, "I'm going to make your life hell. Jaehyun won't want you. Listen.. baby.. no one wants a slut. You will never find anyone better than me, remember that."

You quickly hung up, your chest heaving as tears started to brim your eyes. You were angry, hands gripping the bed sheets under you as a hot sensation spreads over your chest. Could screaming into a pillow calm me down? Jihyo and Ryunjin would go after him if they ever catch wind of this. Reaching for your phone again, you pressed the group call button.

--

The first time that Hwang Hyunjin cheated on you, It was a rainy afternoon and you were just finished with classes. You shook the umbrella on the porch of Hyunjin's house as you stepped on the back of each your shoes to kick them off.

"Babe?" You called out.

He should be home by now, after all you were late to come back home because of the rain.

You headed upstairs when he didn't respond after a few shouts. Walking through the hallway, you heard muffled moans. A mischevious smile appeared on your lips as you silently tip-toe to his room. But then you stopped. It wasn't just his moans.

You barged in the room. There were 2 other girls on top of him. One sitting on top of Hyunjin's face, and one riding him.

"What the fuck."

You were ready to grab the nearest object and cut off his cock when a red head pranced out from the bathroom.

"Oh, Jinnie. You didn't tell me another one is joining."

That made him stop thrusting up, seemingly noticing all the girls stopping their movements as well. His head whips to you as you stand rigid on the doorway. He hurriedly pushed the two girls on top of him and frantically walked over to you.

"Stop, don't come fucking near me."

"Babe, i-"

"You're what? a cheater? no shit," You sharpened your gaze to everyone in the room, fuming. "We're over, Hyunjin."

And the second time, you were back together with him. Truth be told, you absolutely had no idea why he’d asked and begged you to come back to him, when he ended up fucking another girl on his bed when you came home to fill his fridge with groceries.

Nothing can justify cheating. No matter how many times he called you, no matter how many times he knocked at your door, the excuses never stopped.

Hyunjin was the guy that took your virginity on the back of his jeep. He was rough, and it was painful. You stuck with him because he made you feel enough, he made you feel wanted. But that changed. He found other girls to occupy himself with. Forgetting the fact that you were always there, waiting for him with the dinner that was getting colder as the clock ticked and he left you questioning the reasons why he did what he did.

Part of you knew that it wasn’t going to get better. You knew that he’d very much prefer to be in a crowd he doesn’t know than to be in a room with you. But why? why did he cheat? why did he break your heart into a million pieces, glued it back together, only to end up breaking it again? He changed you. In a way that you didn’t like.

You became someone you didn’t know. You were scared of being vulnerable because of him, you hated that. The feeling that seeped into your pores every time you broke down your facade. This show that you’re performing. Only to make yourself feel strong. But it’s tiring now. Every second you coated yourself in a different image made you feel sick. But you knew that that uncertainty will welcome you once you remove the made up stuff you made yourself go through. A constant inner conflict.

When you ended things once and for all, he grew more obsessed. He messed with your relationships, he made rumors about you. He did everything he could to make your life hell. You just wanted him out of your life, why was that so hard?

--

"Permission to kill."

"Shut up, you can't even kill a bug, let alone a coward."

You were huddled up on Ryujin's bed, sandwiched between Jihyo and Ryujin as your ability to breathe decreased by the minute.

When you called, Ryujin told you to go to her house. Something told you to give the studying a rest, and rest you did. When you got there, Jihyo dragged you to Ryujin's room where all the venting and rants happened.

They started lecturing you about how you shouldn't stray away at a party. Jihyo and Ryujin were worried sick when you didn't respond to any of their calls and texts. They had been talking to Yukhei, a tall, goofy guy when you were too preoccupied trying to get Jaehyun out of the party to fuck your brains out. You knew Yukhei from a friend you had in class, Yuta.

You liked Yuta when you first met him. He was friendly, sported a smile that could break hearts, and for once, you didn't want to take things to the next level. You thought you had a crush on him, until you realized that he had a girlfriend. Shame, but you're not a relationship wrecker. You and Yuta remained friends until now, he helped you with with a project once because you had cried, frustrated that it was too hard. You would do anything, even risking your life, if it meant keeping him as a friend for as long as you lived.

"I don't know what that prick wants from me." You sighed, sinking deeper into the bed.

"He just can't accept the fact that you're moving on." Ryujin responded.

The girl with dark black hair had always been the problem solver. She rationalizes everything, even though the truth is hard to accept sometimes. If Ryujin says her take on the matter, everyone listens. You can't blame her from being upfront, that's just how she is. Hearing assurance from her felt like you were on the top of the world.

"Listen, just ignore him. If he ever tries anything again, tell us." Ryujin added.

"I agree, he was so desperate to make you hung up on him when he was the one who cheated. He even threatened you because you went out with jaehyun! The audacity of that cunt is unbelievable!" Jihyo exclaimed, hands releasing you and flailing in the air.

Ryujin made a grunt of agreement.

Jihyo rolled over, moving on from the topic.

"So you slept with Jaehyun, twice, and then went on a date?" Jihyo asked, tone lacing with excitement and curiosity.

"Jihyo, it was lunch." Ryujin lazily responded in your behalf. She had no say in the 'you slept with him, twice' part with no way of confirming it, so she stared at the side of your head, pressing the question even harder than the girl on your left.

You groaned, "Yes, twice. Two times."

Ryujin let out a low whistle and released you from her grasp, walking over to her closet to pick out a shirt. The sound of her opening a box full of accessories filled the room with loud jingles.

And then it dawned on you, your ring.

The ring that made a cut on Jaehyun's face, that is. You had your panties and now a ring in his house. How stupid can you be? (how smart can you be, to be honest.) You tried to ignore the giddy feeling of having to see him again the next time you bring up the stuff you left in his house.

"Do you like him?" Jihyo asked. Her eyes held curiosity and a tiny bit of comfort.

You knew Jihyo since you were in 3rd grade. She accidentally brought home your pencil case and when you noticed the foreign leopard print tube on your desk, you cried. The next day at school, you saw your pencil case on Jihyo's seat. That's how you came to know her. She had been with you through thick and thin. She rubbed circles on your back when you cried over your parents' divorce, she helped you with your shift that one time you had your first job and was overwhelmed by a mass of middle schoolers, she held up your hair when you had one too many drinks. You loved her like a sister you never had.

"I think so." You responded. Truthfully, you were sure you liked him. You keep wanting to see him, your heart starts a race when he comes to your mind. "Yes, i do like him."

Jihyo engulfed you in a hug. She nestled her face on your neck as she whispered. "I want you to be happy. That's all i want."

Your heart filled with warmth as you hugged her back tighter. She was truly such a wonderful person. You felt grateful that you're surrounded with good people.

You felt Ryujin come up and joined the hug.

"What are we hugging for?"

--

Jihyo's words rang inside your head the whole ride home. Your finger was hovering on the call button, just a mere centimeter away from contact.

"Fuck it, i miss him." You pressed on the call button, bringing the phone up to your ear. It rang two times until he picked up.

"Hey, i'm glad you called. I was just about to myself." Jaehyun said, his voice as pretty as ever.

You bit your lip, snuggling into your pillow as a smile formed on your face. Wow, you thought. You really like him, huh?

"Are you busy next friday?" You asked.

He paused for a couple of seconds, you were ready to propose another day until he responded, "I'm always free for you."

You held back a scoff at his cringy line. "Pick me up at 4, i have this place i know you'll like."

You could even hear the smile on his face when he agreed, adding a little 'It's a date then, i can't wait until friday comes. Good luck on your test.'

Friday rolled around in no time. You got a B on your test and that was enough for you. You got the notification on your phone thursday morning and almost choked on your cereal and did a cross even though you were far from religious. Your mood completely lit up when you were picking out clothes for your date. The skirt was, well, short. You paired it with a simple sleveless shirt and a pair of converse. You sent a message to the group, saying that you'd be on a date with Jaehyun. The text was read by Jihyo and Ryujin immediately. They sent a cluster of 'Yes!' and eye emojis.

A light knock came from the door, the giddy feeling on your stomach appearing once again.

When you opened the door and stepped out of the house, you were greeted by his familiar scent as he hugged you. He's a hugger, not that you're complaining.

"You look really nice, like really nice, in that outfit. Maybe we should just stay in today."

"Definitely not." That's a lie. You want to stay home and let him undress you, however, you wanted him to try this cheese pizza that tasted like heaven on a local diner right around the corner. Maybe next time, or after if you're lucky.

Jaehyun pursed his lips and, took a step back to get another look. "I have those exact same shoes."

You cocked a brow as you closed the door behind you. "Really? we should match next time."

The drive was short. You noticed that he was more smiley today. The dimples making an appearance when he caught you looking at him.

"Hmm? Are you okay? Your face is red." His brows furrowed as his hand went up, pressing the back of his palm onto your cheek.

You squirmed on your seat as your hand clasped together under the table. How come he doesn't realize how undeniably attractive he is? You could spend all day looking at him and not be bored.

"I'm fine, just hungry."

As if on cue, Mrs. Miller came up to the table Her checkered apron made your eyes squint, or maybe it was her smile.

"What do you lads want today?" She gave me a look, silently asking who the man is in front of me.

Mrs. Miller watched you grew up. She ran this family owned diner and took care of it so well, even her sons were jealous. You responded with narrowed eyes and a shake of the head.

"Get him a cheese pizza please, and two portions of blt for me."

She scribbled quickly on her notepad, the fluff ball stuck on the end of the pen wiggling with every stroke. "Right, and the drinks?"

"A strawberry smoothie and a chocolate one as well." Jaehyun finished for you, handing back the menu.

Jaehyun turned to you, "The food's better be good

"Oh trust me, it is."

"I can't believe you remembered and ordered me a cheese pizza." He chuckled in disbelief.

He didn't think that you'd remembered something like that, and when you did, he liked you even more.

"You mentioned that they were your favorite, and i can proudly say, the cheese pizza here will blow your mind."

"I swear to god if you're exaggerating, i'll never forgive you for this."

15 minutes later, you could see that Jaehyun was visibly drooling over the appealing sight of food in front of him.

"Wow this is fucking, " pause, "Amazing. Tell Mrs. Miller this diner's gonna be packed tomorrow."

"Told you it's good. She'd be so happy if more people come here, this place's not easy to find.” You breathed out.

You cupped your face in your hands with your elbows on the table as you chew on a bite of your blt. You proceed to watch him gulf down a slice, a big gap already forming in the, now, ruined circle of the pizza.

He swallowed, "Talking about packed, i have this party at my friend Jaemin's this sunday. I'm hoping you could come?"

"How many times do you party in a week? you're sure the party animal."

Jaehyun didn't look to pleased to hear you respond with another question.

"Would you come? You can bring your friends if you want."

You laughed, he made it clear he wanted you there.

"I will."

Jaehyun told Mrs. Miller that he'd recommend the place to his friends, and she gave him a piece of candy which he handed to you when you were outside. You unconsciously stared at his long, dainty fingers. Specifically the rings that hugged them.

"You have a nice sense of style, i see." You squeezed the tip of his index finger clad with a metallic band when he shoved the candy in your face.

"What? this? this is nothing compared to your ring that gave my face a cut."

"I'm sorry, i wasn't planning on doing anything that night, but you know how that ended."

"I can say for sure you have a nice choice of panties."

You brought your hand up to slap his shoulder but he dodged before you could. "Why would you say that, we're in the middle of the parking lot!"

"I was just reciprocating your compliment. I’m flattered you know."

He stopped in his tracks when he was about to enter the car.

"How about we go to my dorm? you can pick up your stuff that you left."

God was really in your side. What did you do to get this lucky? You reminded yourself not to take it for granted.

"I lied, i'm keeping the panties." Jaehyun said as his chest shook with laughter.

He grabbed your sides to lift you to his bed but you swung your feet, making you drop back to the floor of his single dorm room.

"They're expensive. It's either you buy another one for me or i'm leaving."

He narrowed his eyes as if saying are you serious? With his lips pressed together, he nodded. "Deal."

You were satisfied with the answer. Your hand caressed his cheeks and settled on his broad shoulder. Let's get to work, shall we.

"I only like guys with big dicks, and I always have fun talking filth into their ear about how much I love their cock. "

You paused, smirking with satisfaction from the sight in front of you

"But you….. you’re the biggest guy I’ve had. And there’s no way I’m not going to talk about that while I have the chance. So sit down on the bed, and let me get you going with my voice.. Although we both know it won’t stop there. "

He did as your told, eyes trailing your every movement with a coy smile on his lips. Enjoying every moment.

"That blood is pumping into your cock and fattening you up… the pulses are so intense I can see you flex through two layers of fabric… I know when that happens all you wanna do is pull those annoying clothes down and start beating your cock raw… and I love that."

For a fact, Jaehyun didn't even need to have his cock out to get you wet. The sheer size of that bulge in his pants and the way it looks like it’s trying to burst out is enough to make you tingle and crave it.

You loved knowing that his cock begs to be pleased so badly that you just want to delve into your animal instincts and make it feel good. You loved knowing that your voice alone was the reason for that fat bulge, that blood pumping, that pleasure.

"But we can’t keep it stuck in there forever, can we?"

He shook his head.

Pulling that big cock out is like a drug to you. You couldn't stop your pussy from aching when your fingertips were clenched around the waist of his boxers, slowly dragging them down and anticipating that giant cock’s release… and then it happened. His huge cock bounces out of those tight boxers, flying in the air and bounced on your face. And my god, you loved it on your face.

Seeing that thick, tight undersize of his shaft resting on your face while you salivate for it was almost too much to handle. That’s why you had to get to work quickly… waiting to play with his big dick was like suffocating.

"I know you love my lips. They’re perfect for pleasing big, fat cocks like yours."

"Mhmm, i love those pretty lips you have." He brushed his thumb on your lips as you kissed the pad of his finger.

His cockhead swelled with blood when you wrapped your lips around it, with almost not enough in your body to keep up with the pleasure your giving him.

The deeper your lips go on his cock, the faster his heart rate became, and the fatter his cock got. His stomach began to tighten and flex at the feeling, as your lips and tongue got to the base of his cock. The feeling of his thick cock being jammed all the way down your throat made his legs writhe. You let your throat muscles swallow around his fat cockhead and milked him as fast as you could, pushing him to the brink of explosion.

"It’s too much isn’t it? My throat massaging your head while my tongue licks your balls and my lips push into your crotch like I’m trying to eat your dick."

Jaehyun's face was red as he looked down on you, his ragged breaths signaling that he was enjoying this as much as you did.

You didn’t want him busting yet though… so you unjammed his cock from your throat and slowly pull it out, being sure to form a vacuum with your mouth to roll over his entire length as you exit.

You needed to let that cock calm down for a bit, so it’s a perfect time to talk about those balls.

His cock is amazing, almost too amazing, but a cock isn’t complete without a big set of balls. And his were a true specimen. Even without working up a load, his sacks were massive. Just one of them was enough to fill your entire mouth up if you decide to work them. Honestly, even if he didn’t have a cock down there and only had that pair of balls, he’d still have a beautiful big bulge to flaunt around. And when his balls were full? Well.. let’s find out what that’s like.

His cock seemed to have calmed down now… at least enough to stop him from busting a nut everywhere. It’s not like you wanted him losing that hard on. You thought it’s about time your mouth truly went to work on that cock.. just how he liked it.

You gripped the base of his thick shaft tightly, making him pant and moan. You didn’t carry around a cock ring, so you had to improvise. You wanted to see those veins. God… those veins. Having a huge cock is great and all, but the fact that he had such impressive veins was really the icing on the cake. Grabbing his base so tightly makes all that blood center in his cock, and that blood loves to fill up those veins. They got so thick and fat, inflated with immense amounts of liquid pumping around his dick.

Your lips started working his fat cockhead again, but not with as much mercy as last time.

Your sucking was fast, tight and intense. Your mouth craves that load and the best way to pump it up was to work his cock fast and furiously. His head swelled again, even thicker than last time. Once he had swollen to max size, you moved your lips further down his shaft and began sucking angrily at his entire length.

Each time your lips traveled up and down on his big dick, you felt those fat veins pulsing between your lips and begging to be relieved, crying out in unison at the unbridled pleasure you're giving him. You knew he was close. You knew those balls were filling up with cream, you knew he couldn’t handle it. That’s why you were going to relieve him of all that tension.

Your hand ran up his leg and grabbed those fat nuts, Your nails giving him a lovely tickle as you got them tight in your hand. Your lips still sucking angrily at his fat cock, desperate to work up that thick load that’s built up in his balls.

Jaehyun's breathing became irregular and panicked as he felt himself getting close to bursting.

You pulled his cock out of your mouth and placed your lips on the size of his huge cock. You sucked hard at the huge, fat prominent blue vein that sat there, making him squirm and moan harder than ever before. That vein was so massive and full of blood that it felt like it’s big enough to be a cock on its own.

That’s when you felt it.

Your other hand was still on his balls and you felt that churning. You felt that boiling hot, thick cum sloshing around in his fat sack rapidly as you sucked at his massive vein. But you didn’t want Jaehyun nutting in the air, so you stopped working that vein and put your hand around that base and squeezed tightly, stopping that nut from getting any further up his shaft.

You wanted to swallow that load, and that’s what you're going to do.

You glided your lips back on his huge, fat cock and sucked harder than you had ever sucked a cock before. Your cheeks hollowed as you moved up and down on his dick, those veins still throbbing hard as you pleased them. Your hand went back to gripping those fat ballsacks.

You knew Jaehyun was close, his throbbing and pulsing was too intense for him not to be. You felt those balls churning in your hand again, and obscene amount of cream had accumulated in those fat sacks and he needed to empty them.

As your lips sucked hard and fast on his cock, you felt it coming. His fat balls began pumping that thick, creamy load up the thick shaft of his cock, filling up his massive cockhead with cum. You sucked extra hard at his head, milking it with all the energy you had in you.

Then it burst.

His huge, fat, engorged cock made one big throb and squirted his massive creamy load out of his cock, his balls tightening and flexing as they gave his swollen cockhead more batter to unload. Your cheeks kept filling up with his man-juice, but you swallowed it all down your throat every time. Those veins were extra fat and throb angrily as he busted that thick nut, every nerve in his crotch singing and celebrating the intense release. As the last of his nut emptied out of his balls, you gave his huge cock one last hard suck at the head and he busted the last of his cream in one thick shot.

His fat balls. His thick, huge shaft. His massive, extra creamy spunk. THAT’S why you loved his cock.

"Oh my fucking god.." Jaehyun trailed, his hands covering his face as his whole body trembled.

He shook his head, "I can't let you leave without having my cock in you. Get on the bed."

"Yes, sir."

He hurriedly took off your shirt an panties. Letting out a low whistle as his eyes raked over your body.

"God, I love your body..." Jaehyun's lustful gaze trailed over your body. He was sure you'd be the death of him.

"What do you love about it, Jaehyun? Tell me what you want to do to me." You asked, lacing your tone with innocence.

"Tell you?" He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. Jaehyun tasted himself and deepened the kiss by pulling you closer with his hand on the back of your head.

"Baby, you know I love your body. I..." Jaehyun took a deep shaky breath. He didn't know why he's nervous. Maybe it's because both of you were sober, and not in rush, for once. He'd like to savor this moment.

"I love your shoulders and I really love this place, right here, just by the curve of your neck. I love to kiss and suck the skin there."

He sucked the spot softly, light pecks making you shiver.

He then kissed down your chest while his hands run down your back to your ass. His lips trailed down your body with a touch as gentle as it gets.

"I love how sensitive your nipples are. Maybe even more than mine. I love that when I suck on them..." He brought your nipple in his mouth and soft giggles filled the room as he teased your nipple in his mouth, your hand went up to his hair and tugging softly.

"Your breath hisses in like that. And I love your hand in my hair..."

He flicked your nipple with his tounge, making him get a moan from you as a reward.

"You like that? When I flick it like that? the other one needs some attention too." He sucked the other nipple. He playfully bit on it, making you gasp with surprise.

You tugged at your bra, the feeling of being restricted made you uncomfortable. And you squirmed under him when you felt the dampness on your much more cheaper panties.

"Mhmm, I can take these off."

He watched you take off your undergarments, biting those lips of his as he spoke up,

"Bend over."

Your eyes widened at his strict tone, but you obliged.

"Yes, Sir."

You felt the bed dip as his knees balanced themselves on top of the sheets. He gripped your luscious ass and spread them apart, his hot breath fanning over your cunt. You were getting impatient and started grinding on air. Jaehyun chuckled and buried his face in your cunt, mumbling, "I’ll take care of you."

His tounge worked it's way on you. You moaned and your knees buckled when he sucked on your clit.

"Oh god your mouth is so warm...yes, please, run your tongue up and down, just like that...oh fuck...keep sucking like that."

"You like it that much, hm?" He said in your cunt. His hand came in contact with your butt as he spanked you, the stinging sensation spread over your butt slowly disappearing when he caressed the red print with his hand.

"Do you want me to finger you, baby?

"Yes ...please, please can I have it..."

You felt him circling your clit with the pad of his thumb until he inserted two fingers inside you. It was still not enough as you clenched around it.

"More, Jaehyun more."

He slowly moved them in and out as the friction give you more pleasure, his tounge now lapping your juice and teasing your clit at the same time.

"...oh god, fuck, don't stop..."

Just as those words left your mouth, he suddenly stopped and pulled out his fingers from your wet cunt. You whined and trembled

"No! Why did you stop?"

"I'm going to fuck you now."

You got more wet hearing that from him You didn't think that was even possible, but the thought of him fucking you made you grew more desperate.

"Please baby, I need you inside me." You softly breathed out, looking at him behind you. He was jerking himself on the sight of you on all fours on his bed. A sly smile on his lips as he positioned his cock in front of your pussy. Just a thrust away from being inside you.

"Whose pussy is this, hm?" He rubbed his cock on your wet folds, making you back up to him once again craving for any sort of friction.

"It's yours Jaehyun, please fuck me.. please." You begged.

"That's a good girl."

With a sudden thrust, you were overwhelmed by his size. You felt the slightest bit of pain until he drew back and pounded his cock into you. You saw stars as your mouth was left agape.

You felt him pull you up, and nestled his face on your shoulders with his left hand on your neck, and the other on your nipple, gently rolling it on his fingers.

"You're so fucking tight for me. Your pussy's all mine. I'm gonna fuck it however i like, isn't that right, princess?"

You croaked out a moan as your breathing got restricted by the second. "Yes, oh god yes. It's yours, Jaehyun. Fuck it however you like."

He sped up his pace and released you from the grip on your neck. You felt his large hand pressing your lower abdomen and giving you a sensation you've never felt before.

"I'm right here. Can you feel me?"

His voice came out raspy, and you felt his heartbeat speeding up on your back as he pressed himself closer to you. Hips still pounding roughly and the sound of your butt slapping against his hips filled the room.

Your eyes rolled back as you sink yourself deeper into this pit of desire. You could only manage a simple 'mhmm' until you felt it coming.

The knot on your stomach grew larger and more intense as he continued to shove his large cock into your pussy. You craved for your release and clenched him harder.

"Oh, baby. That's right, make it tighter for me."

He coiled his hand in your hair and added, "We're gonna cum together, okay?"

"Y-yes, I'm close Jaehyun."

With a few more thrusts, You felt his hot cum filling your hole as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. The constant friction sent you over the edge in shock waves as your whole body felt like heaven, you felt it even to the tips of your toes. You felt his cock jerk inside you as he pulled out, cum dribbling down your thighs and onto the sheets, Jaehyun witnessing the heavenly sight of his juices mixed with yours just leaking in front of him.

He let out a deep breath as you plopped yourself down on the matress. You felt like your bones just melted. The soft fabric of his comforter covered your butt as Jaehyun laid down by your side.

"It's a little chilly." You muttered, a smile on your lips.

Jaehyun smiled too, but to himself. He was looking at an angel. Your cheeks tinted pink with the gentle rise of your chest letting out soft breaths. You were in that afterglow, Jaehyun liked you even more if that's possible. He might even be in love with you.

"C'mere." You invited him, raising the blanket and patting the spot next to you

He laughed snuggled close to you, the warmth in his heart getting stronger.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Jaehyun asked, his voice lazy, almost sleepy.

"Let's shower." You proposed.

"A shower, huh?" He kissed your nose, "Whatever you want, baby. We've got all night."

--

"He invited us to a party."

"Don't try to change the topic!"

Ryujin picked you up and witnessed you walk of shame. She didn't say anything and just plainly looked at Jaehyun as he waved at her when he guided you out of the building. Ryujin didn't bring anything up on the whole ride.

It was Jihyo who squeezed every last drop of information you had. You weren't bothered by her nosiness, and answered the questions. You stuffed your mouth with doritos every time she asked too much though.

The three of you were clad in tight dresses and sparkly fabric. Well, except Ryujin who sported baggy jeans and a sweater. You didn't expect what happened in the party. Even though you'd been pushing the thought to the back of your mind, it didn't stop him from coming.

Hwang hyunjin ruined your night.

You were looking for Jaehyun, but his friends said he was on his way. You called him, he didn't pick up. You went out for air, leaving your friends behind to play beer pong. You enjoyed the muted music from outside the house, holding yourself back from taking off your heels to roll on the glass.

And then you heard him.

"Hey."

His voice surprised you, the drink in the little red cup swaying as you turned your head to find where the voice was coming from.

There he stood. Long blonde hair half tied, his lips a pretty shade of pink as he stared at you.

You felt your stomach sank as you took a step back. You knew that he would utter every single thing he could to hurt you once again. You wanted to run away or have the earth swallow you whole when he brought his hand up to hold your cheek. His palm was cold. An unfamiliar sensation to you. You pulled his hand away from you, only to have him grip your wrist.

"Hyunjin."

"Listen to me, please." His eyebrows furrowed, the grip on your wrist tightened when you attempted to break away.

"I have no reason to."

He paused for a while, still not letting you go. It looked as if he was building up the courage for something. And the next second he spoke up, it's as if the wind wanted to save you, it was cold and you were freezing. Almost making you shiver and go back under the blankets.

"I'm sorry." He looked down at his shoes.

Your face grew hot, that familiar feeling started to bubble up in your stomach again. "No matter how many times you say that, i won't forget what you did to me." You spat.

"I'm sorry." He was looking at you now.

"Tears? Fuck off. You've done that already."

You tried to yank your hand away, but to no avail, he kept his grip.

"Let go! You're hurting me!"

"Let's start over, please." A tear fell and rolled down his cheek. The cheek that you caressed and the cheek that you kissed. Now, the thought of touching him is revolting. Even starting over was impossible.

"This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now. After all the shit you put me through, and you come to me saying this?" You yelled, exasperated.

He bent his head down. "I'm still in love with you. I was stupid to fuck other girls, when i know you're home waiting for me. I.. i kept contacting you because i didn't want you to forget about me. That's the last thing i want in my life."

He looked at you, his tears falling every time he blinks, dribbling to his chin and onto the cold, hard concrete. "I want to try again. I can't go a day without you anymore. Please."

A million questions ran through your mind, but only a word came out. "Why?"

"I will change. I promise. I will change to whoever you want me to be. I will do it properly. I want you in my arms again." He was gripping your shoulders now, his hair messy and wet.

"I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person. I can go on with my life without you, Hyunjin. Get out of my life and everything will be perfect."

His legs wobbled as his knees hit the ground, his arms wrapped around your knees as he pressed his forehead against the exposed skin of your thighs. His shoulders shook as he sobbed.

"Please. Tell me how you feel and i'll leave, i'll never show my face to you again. I need to be sure." He looked up at you, lips quivering as guilt filled his bloodstream. Oh how much he regretted what he'd done to you.

"You’ll never be the person I love. Not now, not ever." You looked at him with so much hatred, you almost bit your tounge off trying to stop yourself from bashing his head. "I would rather die than be the person who climbs into bed with you at the end of the night."

He grew silent and stood up. Hands by his sides and said, "Okay." He paused and wiped the tears from his cheeks before walking away from you. "I love you, y/n."

You hoped he kept his promise.

How did it come to this, scrolling through his messages and paranoia gripping you by the neck.

How did it come to this? Hyunjin swayed you with his words and it once made your heart race but now you seeing his face had unconventionally made you want to die. You weren’t quite prepared for this feeling.

What happened with his promise of being yours? Was that just a test of courage, to see if you could even form those words in that exact order, to convince him you were his?

You knew all of his secrets and you knew who he really was and you knew what he'd been doing and you knew, you knew every time you came back home to him he smelled like another woman.

They accused you of losing your mind, they warned you about people like him but you thought to yourself, "Maybe he'll be different." Because goddamn baby, he made you feel special, he painted you a blue sky, he was too good with his words. He knew you tried to keep it fun, you tried to keep it good but your efforts were clearly not enough.

You knew you lost him, but it felt more like losing your mind. Was it you, did you say something way too honest that made him run and hide like a scared little boy? Once you thought were so much more than 'enough' to him but it's the same old questions that you asked yourself:

Weren't you enough?

Didn't you try hard enough?

Didn't you pass all his tests?

Maybe you'd known it all this time that he kept what was between you blurry, never really telling you what 'we' were or was it him and his careless vocabulary that effortlessly swept you off your feet?

Spiraling down this endless pit of confusion and secrecy, how did it get to this? Smiling when he came home, greeting him at the door and hugging him, asking him how'd school go and kiss him like you didn't know anything, like he didn't do anything wrong.

You hoped everything would be better as you sank down on your knees and cried harder than you'd ever cried.

at 1 am, Hyunjin's phone rang and he knew it's you. He picked up and ask why you called and you told him to pick you up in an hour and to bring a jacket. He smiled and hung up, wondering what you had in store for him at 1 am in the morning and he knew he would spend the next hour fretting over how he's gonna look because he always wanted to look his best in front of you even if it's just another one of your midnight drives.

2 am and he was driving down the road, with no particular place in mind and he wondered if you knew how perfect this moment was, just him and you and the world that was full of mystery and adventure that you both sought. A joke passed between you, a private one you'd had for months and your friends called you crazy because only the two of you could understand each other. Just two minds in perfect sync.

3 am and everything was shattered because he's in his bed, and all of that was just a memory that somehow crept into his dreams. 3 am, and he realized you're no longer with him and it's not him on the driver's seat of the car anymore.

4 am and Hyunjin was tossing and turning, and he couldn't go back to sleep because all he was thinking about was you again and he thought he was over it and he was not. 4 am, and his heart wrenched when he thought about your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you talked about the things you loved. 4 am, and he's thinking you're with Jaehyun and that should be him, that should be him, that should be him.

5 am and Hyunjin had given up all hopes of going back to sleep because it's one of those nights where he couldn't help but think about what might have been if he had been enough. 5 am and those nights with you were gone, 5 am and those jokes were forgotten, 5 am and you're not here with him for real.

--

Jaehyun looked for you. He asked your friends, He asked his friends. But they all said the same thing, 'She was looking for you a while ago.'

He pressed the button on his phone, the light illuminated his face under the dark sky. 5 missed calls from you.

He cursed to himself and pressed the call button, chewing his bottom lip as he tapped his feet on the concrete as he leaned back on his car seat. "Please, pick up." He muttered.

You didn't pick up. He was pulling his phone away from his ear to try and call you again but he was surprised from the notification that came from Yukhei.

'Jihyo said she's at home.'

"Fuck." He sighed, running his hands over his face as he peered over the backseat, the lonely basket filled with snacks that he was planning to empty with you as he took you away from the party.

He quickly scrolled down his contacts and pressed the call button again.

"Hey, Jihyo. What happened? Y/n won't pick up my calls."

Jaehyun heard her sigh as a door closed behind her. He heard rustling, sounding like Jihyo just sat down.

"It was Hyunjin."

Jaehyun knew guys like Hwang Hyunjin, and when Jihyo told him what he did to you, he wasn't a bit surprised. Just angry, very angry.

As Jihyo told him what happened, he couldn't help but wanting to hug you and tell you everything would be okay. He fisted his palms until his knuckles turned white when he heard Hyunjin cheated on you. He'd beat him up for you if you told him to. When Jihyo said you needed time to be alone, Jaehyun listened. You didn't let anyone go inside the room with you, you didn't want to talk to anyone. Jihyo said that you were already sleeping after crying so much.

Jaehyun and Jihyo didn't talk about you again and ended the call. He thanked Jihyo for telling him what happened.

--

It was 2 weeks after Hyunjin said he'd leave your life.

You were seated on the plush of the booth, a warm cup of milk giving you the warmth you needed. You watched as the bell on top of the door jingled. He entered the room and scanned the cafe. His eyes landed on you and he smiled.

"How are you?" He slid into the booth. His dainty hands covered yours, his cold rings giving you a jolt.

"I'm good now." You paused, and looked at him.

"I'm sorry for disappearing for like.. 2 weeks."

He chuckled and shook his head, obviously trying to lighten the mood and wipe the frown on your eyebrows. "Hey.. it's okay. You know i'll always be here."

"I'm sure you heard what happened."

Jaehyun clicked his tounge, playing with your fingers and turning the metallic band on your pinky. "Yes, i have. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

You thought about it, he's got a point. Hyunjin was out of your life for good, and you'd like to keep it that way. "You know what? you're right. Let's talk about something else."

"Did you know that i filled a whole basket with snacks for you and me, only to eat them myself at home?"

"Thanks for the guilt trip. What do you want to order? my treat."

He ordered an espresso. He was beautiful.

It rained and it rained hard. Hard enough to flush away all the bad thoughts and you solely focused on the man sitting in front of you.

You were talking about a new song that you've been listening to. Jaehyun listened with a smile even though you were sure he wasn't listening. He looked at you with such intensity that it made you ask,

"Do you have anything to say? You've literally had that smile for 5 minutes now, what are you-"

"Let's date."

That shut you up. You had definitely been thinking about it. The thought of dating him felt like a new beginning that you'd been waiting for.

"I know you feel the same way, Y/n. Let's date."

"I was about to say yes anyway, but okay."

You both held hands as you sipped the warm liquid that warmed your heart even more. Jaehyun was smiling like an idiot until he kissed you, his smile still plastered the whole time.

--

You ran your hand over your hair, only to have it swatted away. He played a lock of your hair and twirled it between his finger.

"I don't have anything to do tonight. Do you want to go out or stay in?"

You turned to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Let's go out."

"Where?"

"I don't know?"

He lightly pushed you, "You always say that."

"Let's figure it out on the car."

You left the bedroom, tripping over an unopened box on the floor as Jaehyun snickered behind you. You glared at him and he looked at a nonexistent dust on his shoulder.

You remembered the first time that you slept over. You pulled the simple line of 'your bed is comfier than mine, let me sleep over.' and now your toothbrush and clothes was in his house. You basically lived with him.

Every second you spent with him felt like heaven.

Even the time where he dug the trash to help you look for one of your airpods because you thought you accidentally threw it out while cleaning the house. It was heaven when you went to a concert after getting high with him. You wondered if that even happened or was it just a dream or a thought you had while you were high.

It has been 5 months that you were dating. And you loved every second of it. To even say that you love it was an understatement. It excites you to the point of reaching an unfamiliar degree.

You almost, just almost bought a ring and proposed to him even though you were young and marrying someone that early was too far off from what a 10 year old you would think, when Jaehyun remembered the time that you mentioned you had light sensitivity, and started to wake up early and open all the windows, but he always closes them before you wake up.

You smiled on the seat of his car as he drove by without a particular direction. He lowered the windows down, letting the evening fresh air wash over you. He looked at you with adoration in his eyes. And a coy smile on his lips. Those lips that said the sweetest things.

You looked down at the little white rimmed picture stuck on his dashboard.

It was you and Jaehyun, arms flailing in the air as a pile of thrifted clothes and accessories were piled up beneath, and behind you. You had gone thrift shopping with him, and accidentally made him addicted to it. He always invited you every time he had free time to go pick out some clothes and it was a new thing to talk about. It was nice seeing him excited.

The sun was setting, and you hadn't noticed that Jaehyun had stopped the car.

With a loud click, he opened the door. "Let's sit out here. The sun's setting."

You exited the car and walked up to him, slowing down to sit on a perfect, green patch of grass that tickled your skin.

Jaehyun sat beside you as you engraved the sight to your memory. Him with a sunset.

You suddenly felt a rush in you, every second was difficult as your heart started racing. There couldn't be a better moment than now. You glanced at him, mentally preparing yourself as if you were in a kind of competition. He looked at you and cocked a brow, a silent 'what?'

So he did notice you were acting weird, "Is the sun setting in the wrong direction? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I love you."

It came out of your mouth quickly as your face becomes red, heartbeat too fast to tame. He was surprised and his mouth was left agape. Until he showed those dimples and said the same thing.

"I love you too."

That was how you said your first i love you's. Now, you were on your knees in front him as he muttered, "So we ended up staying home."

Jaehyun knew he loved it when your lips were on his neck, but on a Saturday evening with both of you loving eachother, everything seemed so much more perfect.

"Fuck," he groaned, "You have no idea what just seeing you on your knees in front of me does to me," he said, running his hand over your cheek before dropping his hands to undo the buckle of the belt and unzip his jeans.

"What are you doing to me?" He murmured, sliding his boxers down, freeing his hardness.

"Give me your hand," he said, holding out his hand. You placed your hand in his and he guided it over to himself, wrapping your hand around his cock with a quiet groan. You looked up at him he groaned again, threading his hands in your hair.

"You're too fucking perfect for me." he said, pain flashing across his face.

"I want you. I want all of you. I don't see anyone else, Jaehyun... Just you." The words came out easily, you were sure of this, loving him and everything about him.

"Fuck," he muttered bending down and placing a kiss on your head before straightening out.

"Open your mouth," he said, grabbing your jaw and rubbing circles into it with his thumb. "Open your mouth and take me in."

You obeyed and opened your mouth, guiding him over to you. You licked your lips before tentatively wrapping them around his tip.

Jaehyun groaned and tightened his hold in your hair. "Bigger, kitten," he said, still rubbing soothing circles into your jaw.

You dropped your jaw and took more of him in. He groaned, holding your head in place as he sunk into your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. You made a sound of surprise, your eyes watering slightly as he stayed there.

"Look at me," Jaehyun said, sliding both hands behind your head.

You looked up at him and he sunk further, going down your throat and making your eyes close briefly at him filling you up until you almost felt as if you were choking although somehow, not in an unpleasant way.

"Are you mine?" You nodded and Jaehyun took a deep breath, reminding himself to move slow with you. "Fuck yes, you are," he growled, sliding out of your mouth and letting you catch your breath before he slid back in. Your eyes shut and you slid your tongue along him.

"Fuck," Jaehyun groaned. "You're perfect. I'm going to really fuck that pretty mouth," he growled possessively. You opened your mouth and he pushed back in. He groaned and guided you down his whole length before pulling you back, repeating the motion over and over until. He stared down at you and moaned, watching you bob back and forth.

He prided himself on stamina but the sight of you sucking him off, the humility he felt that the woman in front of him wanted him like this, it had him feeling sensitive much faster than he was used to.

"I'm close, princess." Jaehyun warned.

You surprised him by speeding up, moving faster, sucking him in deeper and making him moan. He held your head in place when he finished, sinking himself down into your throat as he came. He stayed in your mouth for a moment, panting. He slowly pulled out and you took in a deep breath, wiping your mouth and looking up at him with your beautiful eyes he adored so much.

"Did I do okay?" You asked, you knew you did. You just wanted to hear him praise you.

"Did you..." Jaehyun trailed off, shaking his head

and not believing what he was hearing. He bent down and picked you up, tossing you on the bed and kissing up your legs, sliding your shirt up.

"Yes, kitten. You did more than okay. That was the best fucking blow job I've ever had and I want to show you just how much I appreciate it," he said, tugging down your leggings and underwear.

"You want me to show you how much I liked it, kitten? You want me to put my mouth on you and make you cum?" He asked, kissing your inner thigh and looking up at you.

You nodded eagerly. "Yes."

Jaehyun didn't move right away, he just stared up at you, wondering how it was possible someone like you could ever want to be with a person like him. He stared at you so long you started feeling self-conscious.

"What?" you asked, a blush forming under his gaze.

For him, you were the embodiment of perfection, and he never wanted to lose you.

"Nothing," Jaehyun said, swallowing hard. "Nothing. You're just so fucking beautiful," he said, dropping his head between your legs.

"My love." he murmured too quiet for you to hear before he moved his tongue over you, reveling in the reward of hearing you moan.

[wolves-on-caffeine]

Love bites

Whats this? A fic for you? Yep!

Hope you enjoy!

Warning: blood, agrument at end

Logan was hungry, very hungry.

Normally he kept his hunger under control, but he hadnt been able to eat and was starving.

He was desperate.

So when he saw a hooded figure walking alone past an alleyway, he grabbed them.

“Sorry.” Passed logan’s lips as he shoved the hoodie sleeve up and bit into the strangers wrist.

Logan removed his fangs as quickly as he inserted them and spit out the blood. “Whst the fuck is that?!”

The hooded figured held their wrist. “Shouldnt i be asking you that?”

Logan looked at the guy- yes that was a guy- and had to take a second to compose himself. He was….quite attractive.

“Well yes, under the circumstances that would be expected, but in my defense, i am starving and would rather not taste your blood agian. How do you live with such…such…horrid blood in you?”

The guy stared at logan in disbelief. “Ok so..your a vampire im guessing.” Then crossed his arms.“and uh, rude,much? Im anemic.”

Logan ran the definition through his head quickly, and proceeded to take out iron supplements. “Take oen of these, wait are you on medicine alreasy? probably not with how your blood taste, ill make you a doctors appointment, i will,need your name.”

Hooded guy just stared at him. “No.” He gave a smirk.

“What do you mean no?” logan was confused, wouldn’t a human want to have good blood?

Hooded guy shrugged. “ I mean im not taking medicine, and im not going to a doctor. One, I’m broke, two, what are you going to do to make me? Bite me?”

Logan shoved the supplements at the hooded guy. “Name?”

“And im going to tell you, why?”

Logan gave a smile, “because i have your wallet?” and to prove so, he held it up.

Being a 200+ year old vampire means your good at pick pocketing.

“What? How did you- nevermind.” Hooded guy held out his hand for the wallet.

“Im Virgil. Virgil Bloodgood.”

Logan gave the wallet back and made a face.

“That is the most ironic name ever.”

_______

It had been a month since Logan bite Virgil, and yes, he did find a decent meal after words, but he visited Virgil every day.

Crawling through his apartment window, logan asked. “Did you go to your appointment today?”

Virgil looked up from his place at his desk, doing homework (logan found out he is a college student) and adjusted his hoodie.

“Oh my god Logan, can you not just use the door?”

Logan stood and and closed the window behind him. “I would, but you refuse to invite me in…luckily windows do not apply to that rule.”

Virgil just groaned and rolled across the floor in his chair. “No, i didnt go. You can’t make me.”

Logan sat on his bed. “Did you atleast get the cookbook I bought you?”

“Ah yes, "how to be delicious” the cookbook. Wonderful choice. Tell me, do you get this involved with all your meals?“ Virgil played with his bangs as if he didnt just imply the biggest insult of the century.

Virgil? Just a meal? Virgil who Logan, a vampire, has to force to sleep semi normal hours because he won’t sleep? Virgil who wears long sleeves and hoodies and socks and has 20 blankets on and is still cold? Virgil who dyed his hair purple and looks so adorable? Who shows Logan shows and ‘memes’ of the new world he doesnt understand?

Logan hadn’t know virgil long, but he is way more than 'a meal’ to Logan.

Of course, Virgil does not know that, nor need to know that.

"I only wish for you to be healthy. Your blood taste horrible, and it would not kill you to go to the doctors once to get meds and supplements to help. Also, if you ate atlleast normally instead of maybe once a day, I would back off a little, but if you insist on eating only once a day then it should at least be beneficial to you and include iron or -heaven forbid!- a actual food item instead of snacks and chocolate-”

That rant did not end soon.

______

4 more months and Logan and Virgil were friends(?) In a way at least.

Now Virgil was still stubborn about helping himself, but he was at least eating Proper meals, so long as logan made them (if you want me to eat, i don’t cook-ok, i’m cooking) which lead to logan moving in so he could cook when the sun was out.

But convincing Virgil lead to some….funny situations.

“Virgil, you need to eat! I made high iron food.”

“Not hungry.”

“Virgil, you need to eat.”

“Fine ill eat.”

“Rally? i thought it would be more of a fi-”

“If it is covered in garlic.”

“…You disgust me.” And Logan carefully put garlic on it.

___

Another time: Logan had been opening the curtains so Virgil could get some sun (he stood at the side, dont worry) and Virgil hissed and hid under hai bed.

“Oh my god Virgil, im the vampire, get out and enjoy the sunlight.”

“No, you can’t make me. Sunlight evil.”

“Althought i agree with that last statement, you need vitamin D.”

“Logan, I swear, if you want me to get vitamin D so much, ill go to the sunniest beach on the sunniest day in swim tunka just to avoid you.”

Logan laughed at him. “Please Virgil, no offense, but you? in a crowded beach? ” he laughed.

Virgil glared from the bed and moved to sit in the middle of the sun beam. “Ha, now you can’t touch me.”

Logan gave a fond smile to the back of Virgil and nodded. “Oh well”

_____

“I swear Logan, if you try to take me out to get sunlight in that sun hat of yours, i will go into the hall of mirrors and leave you there.”..Logan, who was wearing a daunting floppy sun hat so he could spend days with virgil outside, shook his head.

“Common misconception, but new mirrors show relections of vampires. It was only old mirrors that had silver backing to make it reflective that wont show reflections.”

Virgil had a evil look growing on his face. “Really now?” And went to the computer.

Logan walked over and looked,over his shoulder.“what are you looking up?”

Logan read the screen and gasped. “You wouldnt dare.”

Virgil grinned and hummed as he hit a picture. “I can afford that.”

“Virgil dont you dare hit that button!”

“Aaaaaand bought!”

That was how Virgil became the 'only’ proud owner of an antique silver backed mirror.

_____

Despite all the agruments, they did get along pretty well.

______

“Logan, what happened to the french in the 1800s?”

“Virgil, just because im over 200 years old doesnt mean i know everything.”

“Ok yeah but what happened?”

“Oh well what happened was-” and Virgil had an essay so good his teacher had him stay late to ask if he cheated. And he didn’t! Technically.

______

“Virgil, you forgot to do laundry again.”

“Oh shit, sorry, I forgot. You need your red polo tonight don’t you?”

“Don’t worry about it, i just wanted to inform you that i took care of it and you need not to worry about it. Also.” Logan threw a blandly at Virgil. “I put this in the dryer for a while. You enjoy when they are warm, do you not?”

Virgil cocooned himself instantly, and snuggled into the warm blanket.

“Your the best lo. What can i do to thank you?”

Logan gave him a smile, “maybe….go,to the doctors,tomorrow?”

Virgil,groaned but sighed. “One appointment! No,more.”

____

“Ok, so i say the meme,,you tel me what it means. Ready?”

Logan gave a determined nod. “Yes, i am ready.”

“Yeet.”

“To throw something, or a way to agree or show excitement.”

“Two bros.”

“Refers too two men who were in a hot tub at a large distance, who are not gay. A tragedy.”

Virgil laughed a bit. “Ok ok.. Free sha vacka do.”

“Fresh avocado spelled wrong, a 'mood’ if i am correct.”

Virgil gave Logan a high five. “You’re doing good, Logan!”

Logan smiled at Virgil. “Why thank you Virgil.”

_____

Virgil knocked on Logan’s door at 4 am.

Logan,opened in second, wide awake.

“Virgil? You should be-”

“Asleep? Yeah, but my room is cold, and I have a test at….3 pm today so I’m worrying.”

“Ah yes…may i ask how i am suppose to help?”

“Let ms sleep in your bed with you.”

Logan couldn’t fight the blush. “W..what?”

Virgil walked in and laid on his bed, messing up the perfect sheets as he did so. “I’m cold. Cuddle me.”

Logan stood at the door blushing. Ok so..sleep deprived Virgil is brave, no filter Virgil. Got it.

“I hate to disappoint, but i do not have a body heat to warm,you with,”

“Oh my god, are you going to cuddle me to not?”

Logan slid into the bed beside Virgil obediently and blushed. Virgil, as promise,d cuddled up to Logan and managed to get back to sleep.

Logan could not sleep. Not with the cuteness beside him, instead he carefully planted a kiss to the human’s forehead and smiled.

_____

“Are fangs sexy to vampires?”

Logan was..not expecting that. They were watching Steven Universe, when did fangs pop up?

“I..im sorry but..how did you come to this question?”

Virgil shrugged,sliding into the blankets more. “I’ve kinda been thinking about it for a while..cause you are pretty hot and..fangs add to that. So, as a human, i find fangs hot. But like..do other vampires find fangs hot?”

Logan stared at Virgil. He thought Logan was hot? Well perhaps…

“Well vampires do tend to see fangs as..flirtatious or..intimate…. I..personally..do prefer…flatter teeth myself.”

Virgil blushes and Logan could see the tip of a smile behind the blanket.

“Oh, ok.”

____

2 more months an Logan finally confessed. It was…messy.

Virgil and Logan had been having an argument over his need to have more iron, but it was..getting out of hand.

“I don’t want,to fucking eat that!”

“I know you like this food, you said this was your favorite and it is high in iron!”

"Why can’t you fuck off about my iron!“

"Why can’t you just eat without complaint for once!”

Virgil had grabbed Logan’s tie and pulled him down to eye level. “Will you stop treating me like I’m a fucking farm animal your waiting to chop up and eat! Quit treating me like your fucking meal!” Virgil had let go and backed up a bit, glaring daggers at the vampire.

Logan had to process everything. The argument, the closeness, the tie pulling,

'Your fucking meal!’ Rang in Logan’s head.

Logan grabbed Virgil by his hoodie and slammed his lips onto him, ignoring the tiny drops of blood he got from his and Virgil's lips alike (it was crushed kiss, fangs got in the way a bit)

Breaking the kiss, Logan glared. “You haven't been 'just a meal’ to me! Your sarcastic and honest and fucking gorgeous! You make my heart beat and my head spot working! I want you to eat and take care of yourself because i want you to be healthy, not so I can drink your blood! I love you Virgil, why can’t you see that!”

Virgil’s small squeak is what broke Logan out of it. He let go of his hoodie and backed away quickly, shock on his face.

“Virgil I..i am…"he took a breath, trying to force himself calm. "I apologize, my actions were not…they were uncalled for and I am Sorry I did that-”

“Did you mean it?”

“What?”

“Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

Logan blushed and steeled himself, trying to prepare for the worse. He gave a nod. “I..I do love you Virgil…in a…romantic sense.”

Virgil seemed to relax a bit and rubbed on his bleeding lip. “Well…it would have been nice to be asked first, but….I’m glad.”

“Huh?”

Virgil walked over to Logan and grabbed his tie, gently pulling him in closer and giving him a soft kiss.

“Love you too.”

I loved this! Thank you so much!! I always love receiving fanfic, especially from you. ~S

[aisu-zeilia]

To Allure and Impede

SUMMARY: Marvin Lockens was fifteen when he was brought under Jameson Jackson’s wing and first started learning how to control and use his magic. Since then, he’s met Henrik Schneeplestein, the Castle’s doctor and his father figure, Chase Brody, the Castle’s Third in Command and best archer around, Jackie Bullmon, the Second in Command and Head Guard who’s always wearing red, and Sean McLoughlin, the King Himself, as well as various others. Yet, despite being with them for more than four years and proving to be a skilled mage, they all still treated him like the shy child they first met. And he was tired of it. What happens when he meets a stranger in the woods, who gives him cards to hand out and disappears into the shadows? What happens when he hides it from everyone? What happens at the Masquerade?

W̙͍̠̿̄͘h̬̲͇̻͎̍a̖̣͇̯͌̈͆ͯ̒͊̿t͇̗̖͕̻̽̄̑ ͚̼̜̪̥͎ͪͬ͊ͦͫ̉̚H̻̯͈͎͇͎͇ͣͣ͛͛ͣ̇ã̠̼̝̖̫̌̽ͯ̍̑p̝̌̐̿̔ͩͤṗ̷̻̳ͤ̂͋ͬ̋͒e̫̪̣̽̐ń͓͚̞͈̲̯͡s̶̀̐͋͂̈?̥̖͊͘

Chapter 3 Words: 1439 Warnings: Mental Breakdown, vague mentions of abuse, self deprecating talk A/N: OOOOHHHHHHHH BOY YALL ARE GONNA MURDER ME FOR THIS CHAPTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Not gonna lie i hurt myself writing this. But hey, I TRIED ADDING FLUFF and ended up adding angst too im SORRY. Anyways, all chapters arw under #TAI AU

and btw, thank my beta readers @lin-apples and @jackjames-exe as per usual

previous // next

Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. Left. Right. Left. Right. Blink. Keep running. Dont look back.

they don't care. They can do better. They dont need you. They'll throw you out too.

Marvin kept running. He ignored the branches hitting his face. Ignored the searing pain in his chest. Ignored the cold, the tears in his clothes. Run away from them. Run away from those thoughts. Don't think. Focus on running. Don't let them find you. Hide. Don't disappoint them.

He didn't know when he reached the familiar house, nor how. All he knew was that one moment he was tearing through the mud, falling, running. The next, hes shivering, wet from tripping into the small stream, knocking on the dark wood door.

A woman opened the door, wavy red hair messy and tied back. She blinked for a few moments, before registering how the mage apprentice in front of her looked. "...Marvin? Marvin, hon, what happened?!" She exclaimed, cupping his face and pushing his green hair away from his eyes. "Come in, come in!"

"You...what happened hon? You're covered in dirt and you're wet, Lucy can you start the fire?" She pulled him inside, already working to remove the wet articles of clothing. "Lets get you warmed up so you dont get pneumonia or hypothermia, ok?" Lucy, who Marvin remembers seeing with Henrik and Marissa, had brought over a quilt and handed it to her mother. She promptly wrapped him up, pulling him to the fire. "Come here, tell me what happened. Talk to me."

Marvin was tearing up, shivering and curling close to the mother figure. Everything in his mind was beginning to settle in, and it was terrifying him. But Marissa didn't push, just held him while Lucy wrapped around his waist. ".....it's okay hon, you're alright...you're safe....."

The dam broke, and suddenly he was clinging to her, sobbing, letting everything spill from his lips. Telling her about the woods, the mystery person, the cards. He told her about the ride home, the lies he told, the outburst. He told her about how he snapped, how he ran from them, how he ran away from the castle. He told her about how he was scared and didnt know why, how he was terrified.

The entire time, she listened. She held him close, carding a hand through his green hair. She didn't let go. Lucy had left, most likely to retrieve something to help comfort the apprentice.

" .....oh hon....." Marissa breathed, seeming to hold him even closer than before. "i won't tell Henrik about this, or Jamie. But i do advise you to give those cards away and get rid of them." A whine escaped Marvin's lips. He didnt want to confront them, not now. There was too much fear, too much tension.

Marissa seemed to sense this. "It doesn't have to be immediately, just soon, alright? Now, Henrik isn't due home any time soon, with the masquerade coming up. And I'm not telling anyone about you being here, so if you want to stay for a few days you go ahead. But for now, lets get you cleaned up." The ginger helped him up, guiding him to the guest room. She chuckled, seeing a bunch of her daughter's stuffed animals being spread over the bed. Even Marvin smiled softly at the sight, the 10-year-old's attempt at cheering him up warming his heart.

"There's clothes on the bed. If you need anything either come get me or tell Luce to come get me, okay?" Marissa murmured. "My room is right down the hall."

Marvin was torn. On one hand, he wanted to go in that room and disappear forever. On the other hand, he wanted, no, needed comfort. He needed to be held, to be told it was alright. He needed to feel safe.

He fell onto his knees, wrapping his arms around Marissa. She made a small noise of surprise, but held him tight. It didn't matter that Marvin was an adult, it didn't matter that it had been years since he was held like this. No, right now it was a mother, holding the scared fourteen year old child that was covered in scars and left on the streets to die, all because he had abilities that were feared. All because he didn't know control yet.

She guided him to the bed carefully, turning around only to let him change into more dry clothing, and tucked him in. At one point, Lucy had joined them, curling up next to Marvin. Marissa had smiled, and stayed with them. She hummed a lullaby, only stopping when they were both asleep. Carefully, she took off the mask that hid his scars, and set it on the nightstand.

She smiled, pressing a kiss to both Marvin and Lucy's foreheads. While Marvin was only a little more than ten years younger than her, and found on the streets, he was her child. And just because he was nineteen, that made no difference to her.

Marissa got up, blowing out all but one of the candles. She quietly walked to the door, taking one last glance at the pair.

"Sweet dreams Marvin, Lucy" she murmured, shutting the door.

"You don't really believe her, don't you?" 

Marvin whirled around, seeing the figure of the person in the woods. Around him, there was nothing but a black void. It seemed to be endless, not an ounce of light anywhere. And in the center of it all was a dark silhouette of a person, covered by a cloak. Though, he could see the green eyes underneath the hood, slitted like a cat's.

"You think that you can stay away for a day or two, and everything will be alright?" The male continued, steadily approaching the mage. "You think it will be normal? News flash, Marvin, it won't be! They'll use this against you. Call you a child, make choices for you. Never give you your freedom."

"....whst do I do?" Marvin looked down, defeated. Whoever he was....he was right. They would see him as the baby, the child that was brought to Jameson four years ago. Nothing more.

The figure grinned. " Perform. Pass out the cards. Make yourself known. If everyone loves you, it will be easier for you to have the freedom you crave. The freedom you NEED. The freedom they won't give you."

The world seemed to grow darker, and Marvin could tell he was waking up. "And one more thing. Don't tell her about this. In fact, don't tell anyone." His voice echoed, before the figure surrounded by darkness disappeared from his vision.

"-vie! Marvie!"

Marvin shot up, breathing heavily. He was slightly ahaking, and covered in a cold sweat. Light peeked in from behind the curtains, and a candle close to dying sat on the dresser.

He jumped, feeling hands wrap around his waist. It was Lucy, hair messed up and looking worried for the older male. "....you were shaking and saying things...." She murmured, sounding concerned and scared. Marvin was like her older brother, afterall. And to see him vulnerable....it was scary to see those who are like protectors break.

Marvin breathed a sigh of relief, pulling her in for a proper hug. "Shh, its okay....I'm alright, see? Just a bad dream." He murmured. He was well aware that later he would be handing out cards, giving everyone a hint of magic in their lives. But for now, it felt like his heart was saying that it was best to stay and be a protective older brother. And so he would listen, at least for a little while.

Jameson was pacing. He had hardly any sleep, save for when he dozed off for just over two hours at his desk. So far no one had found him. Jack had to stay in the castle, so he tried to help search in discreet ways. Henrik had stayed as wel, in case Marvin returned or was brought back injured. Chase had taken his horse and combed through the woods, finding nothing but a couple scraps of material too close to the castle to help. Jackie had taken to the streets, having no luck. He even tried Marissa and Henrik's house, but she denied him ever coming by. 

To say he was stressed was an understatement. He was filled with concern, worried about Marvin. It was his fault, he was the one who snapped. And, according to Henrik and Chase, he had been acting weird all day. Yet he never noticed it.

Jameson sat down in his chair, running a hand through his hair and leaning back.

He just hoped Marvin was okay.

WHOOOOOOO okay just a heads up:

Marissa is Henrik's wife. We dont have a canon name for her or her child's canon name/gender. All we know is that Henrik jas a wife and kids, and I had a friend name her. She found Marvin on the street, face scarred up and just overall beaten up. She took him in for just over a year, then he started going with Henrik to the castle to be taught by Jameson. Hee would always go home with Henrik tho.

now you know.

[imtiredofthis1-blog]

it’s 4:32

i wake up every morning around weird times is there a reason a reason why i do this.. when i think about random days i would wake up .. i remember the night we use to wake up in sweat.. that was from radiance we had the amount of warmth our bodies gave every morning you were like an oven.. with me.. anyways that was a reason we’d wake up but on these days when i’m by myself is it the same or am i just waking up for a superstition reason .. or like a weir ftelepahtic reason idk it’s just constant every morning i wake up.. at 2-6 am .. are you up? or is it just me waking up... anyways i’m gonna dice in again and give out to live out..

i tend to filter through your twitter and every time i find a relevant like to our condition it makes me feel open.. like this one i found talks about the fact that someone broke up with someone cause they weren’t happy but still in love with them.. and love isn’t happiness and you have to take that in but it not going in depth with it cause it’s late and i just do these quick late blogs so i can go back to dream world.. but anyways i look at this and just take it in and think well you do still love me.. it’s just that we weren’t happy.. but i hold my deciphering and just try to take in this pov or i should say this open wisdom from relevant people situations.. everything’s weird

i only check on you cause i wanna see that you’re alive.. i wanna see that you’re thriving with life .. i don’t know i care for you.. i maintain distance and ive broken a bit communication with you before and acted impulsively or rather hectic and i’m just trying to maintain and work on it so i just visually pass through to you and come here sometimes i wish you read those sometimes i wish we could talk sometimes i wish i had someone to get this out too and really just stop you’re a never metronome inside me and you are my drive to work better to be better to develop and maintain.. i thank you for this i thank you for protecting me and being human with care and love.. and at times i wish to give back to you the little that i can scrounge for you from left over wealth or my interior but as i think i just rather leave you alone.. i mean think about it i send you a birthday card with a framed picture from sakuracon and several other developed photos about say 8x10 size pieces.. how would it make you feel will i be invasive.. will it be creepy.. will i be crossing lines,.. the more i think about the bad the more i just believe it is bD.. so i distance my self anymore.. and more and more..

mis this really am end to how i feel will i really replace you futuristically will i lay with her and think back to you.. and not lay in a sexual form but in a sleeping time.. it hurts hurts to be like this and i can’t seem to neglect or dismiss because i really do ponder you and think about your end.. but i just think well she’s gotta be better she’s holding up she’s in a better place she must not think about it and these thoughts are assumptions but i just don’t know anymore.. i miss time i miss emotions i miss friendship amd most of all i miss you.. which is all these misses as a whole ..

ots late im late and the more i ponder you and write it on here i just channel and forget forgive and move

and if i were to tell you the truth i don’t want to do all these things said.. i judy wanna come home.. but it’s for the best or so i believe it is.. i acted out i acknowledge this i also develop this.. but our time is up.. i placed my mark on you.. and i hope you don’t see me as someone who’s at that peak forever and can’t develop because i do and sometimes i also do sit here and think do you not believe i can change..?

and it drives me more to change to alter to fix and prodeuce a better me.. from in to out.. this mark we had this really scarred me and is going to make me take it in and out bring development,.. but i can’t type it i must act and show it.. and i won’t lie there might be days i break and produce the repetitive behavior both willingly or unwillingly.. but again i will try to withold and build..

whst else can i let go.. my energy is being aligned.. yeah i think this is it.. oh umm i do rather contemplate this a lot do you come here ever do you ever NLyze me do you ever sit in whatever place you rest or reside and think did he post again or i wonder about him.. it’s okay if you do or don’t.. i don’t really long for attention but i do long for your attention your specifically.. i should stop.. but it’s like i don’t do this for you i do it for me to relax and i can’t lie though i do try to talk to you on here through a threAd of web to get you to either think or feels good about me still caring about you and when i say think i mean about changing your perception on xan how change and will he..

a while ago now that i think of it i posted something about birth control.. and yeah i did assume.. but what really got me because i tend to get into your health and wrapped my care into your health was because around january you were suppose to get a switch.. arm bar and i was like whoa... because some days you said it be possible for you to get pregnant even when you had it and the minute i saw it the control i was like whoaaaaaa no way are you???? but i don’t know much about drugs and if plan b is suppose to be within a day or two or it can be taken whenever.. so in reality i was like did we almost have a kid.. then i did also jump to other things and that made me gloomy and stupid to think about it..

but the thing i mostly wrapped around was were you almost pregnant with a kid from us.. and yeah i did think about other things too but i’m only human to think..

anyways whatever type of apology or conclusion i was trying to draw to you so be it whatever you wish to NLyze from it ..

i hope you had a good day and hope you have one from these days on.. i wish i heard you say congrats on the second job cause no one over here did lol 😨😅 ://// except for my younger sister.. lol :////

anywyas its

xo 1/30 5:03

i love you valerie and i hope we can blossom within and without eachother