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#but i just dont really feel comfortable doing that right now
micaluvssoccer · 14 hours
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Girl next door: Nika Mühi story
Chapter six
Micaellas POV
they both say good night and they walk out and I watch them leave not realizing a tear falling. Ice walks over and she comforts me. I say I have enough room in my bed for four people and my couch has room for 9 yall are welcome to stay if you’d like to. They all say yay and they start arguing over who's gonna sleep where. I say or I can set up some sleeping bags as well. The girls say that’s probably better momma we want to be near you instead of on the couch and I say okay babies and then I grab the sleeping bags and I say so whoever sleeps with me in my bed just to let y’all know that I sleep with no shorts on because I get really hot when I sleep.
They all say okay and we dont mind and I get their sleeping arrangements done and I say shouldn’t you girls go get some clothes my clothes would be too big. They all say oh yeah we will be right back mama. I smile and say okay girls and then I start to get ready for bed and I put on a tank top and I take off my shorts and I get in the bed. I then hear the girls run back into the house and I softly laugh and I look up seeing them and ice runs straight for me and I open my arms. She jumps into my arms and she snuggles into me. I gently kiss her head and I rub her back and I say why were you glaring at Nika earlier. Ice says she was on her phone and she was making you sad. I say I know princess but maybe it was just a misunderstanding and kk says or maybe her and Paige are dating because usually Azzi would go with them for a sleepover.
I looked at Azzi and I said, "Is that true sweetheart, do you usually sleepover with them.
She sadly nods her head at me and I say oh and then I say well um let’s go to bed now. She climbs into bed next to me and I hold onto ice and azzi and I say well i guess we all will know tomorrow. They both just nod their heads. I fall asleep holding onto them and I feel kk and Ines come in the bed too. We all fall asleep and i wake up the next morning to all the kids in the bed with me. I giggled and I get out of bed and I do my morning routine and I then shut my bedroom door and I walk to the kitchen and I make breakfast. I hear a quiet knock on my front door while i make breakfast. I say it’s open and I continue to make breakfast.
Nika walks inside very slowly and she holds flowers. I continue to cook a huge breakfast platter and I say hi. She says hi and these are for you. I look back and say you can put them in the vase on the kitchen table. She sadly says okay and I say I appreciate the flowers thank you. Nika says you're welcome and I see paige behind her and holding her and then I see a leftover bag in Paige’s hands and I say oh where did you two go. She says oh we went out for breakfast. I nodded and starts to completely close off while I cook breakfast. The kids all walk in and they glare at nika and paige. I sighed and said Ines can you set the table for me please. She says yes mama and I feel her kiss my head and I softly smile and then I finish cooking. Nika and Paige look at each other all confused. Azzi looks over at them and scoffed and said what are they doing here.
Ice looks over at her and says your guess is as good as mine . I say Nika bought me flowers i don’t know why though. Ice scoffs and says why are you sending her flowers when you were making out with Paige last night. Paige says let's go, we aren't wanted here. I look down at the food and I say wait is this true Nika you’ve been flirting with me ever since I got here. She just sadly nods and I say take your flowers and go, give them to Paige. She sadly takes them and they walk out the door. I take deep breaths and I start to plate the food. Ice walks over and she cuddles with me. I look at her and say when did you girls see them make out or did you hear it.
they say a few days ago we saw it and i nodded and said wow so both of them were leading me on basically. Ice says they both might like you mama. I say wait what that’s crazy. Azza says yeah i agree with ice. I say then why were you all glaring at them then. They say because they made you upset and sad. I knocked on the wall and say come back. They both walk back in all sad looking. I say do you both like me if so why didn’t you say that. They both say we didn’t know if you like us both. I look at them both and I kiss them on the nose and I say you could have asked. They both smile and say we know that now. I shake my head and says go get the flowers now and ask me correctly. Nika says okay and they both run out the door to get the flowers. I serve my kids their food and drinks and I get my food too. They both come back in with the flowers and they both get down on one knee to ask me to be their girlfriend. I blush and say get up and come kiss me. They both stand up and they both deeply kiss me and I kiss them back and pull them both into me.
They both smile into the kiss and the kids say ewww. I blush and say go seat down on the couch i need to eat something. Paige sits down next to me and nika pulls me up and she sits down in my seat and then she sits me down on her lap. I blush and starts to eat my food and I say don’t blame the kids they were being protective. They say oh we don't and I say good because those are my babies and ice says yeah momma
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thegoldencontracts · 3 days
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I would like to humbly request smothering Azul to death with cuddles while praising him 🧎‍♀️‍➡️
Anon you are so big-brain RAGHHH I LOVE FLUSTERED AZUL SM YOU DONT EVEN KNOWWW
Cuddled Up
Summary: You can't help but smother your darling octopus with verbal and physical affection alike.
Notes: Flustered Azul is so cuteee aggghhh
Azul was a beautiful, talented man. He could grant almost any wish, he got top marks in almost every subject, and he even had his own restaurant at the age of seventeen. Really, how could you not love him?
Azul himself didn't seem to realize his lovability, though. So, of course you decided to make sure he did.
"You're beautiful, Azul. Has anyone ever told you that?" You said, arms wrapped tightly around him. Azul flushed, ducking his face into the crook of your neck.
"Y-You mustn't lie for the sake of consoling me," Azul said, face a tad sullen. He wasn't believing you. That wouldn't do.
"But you are!" You said, tightening your hold on him so he couldn't try and get away. "I love your little mole on your face, and that carefully styled hair of yours, and the parts of your octopus form you let me see that time!"
Though Azul still wasn't quite comfortable showing you his full merform, he let you see his face once. It looked beautiful, really.
Azul flushed at the praise of his merform.
"Really, you mustn't-"
"Don't deny it, Azul," you said, pinching his cheek gently and laughing at the pout you garnered. You could almost hear him complaining about how undignified he seemed right now.
Azul trusted you enough to be a bit- softer, with you, and you'd forever treasure that.
"I'm so glad I get to see you like this, you know," you said, carding your hands through his hair. "You look so cute right now, Azul."
Azul's face flushed even further, as he weakly batted your chest. You knew he wasn't actually upset because Azul was an octopus, and was therefore probably strong enough to knock you out.
"P-Please, cease this," he said, burying his face into the crook of your neck.
Cute.
"I can't!" You said. "Not until I tell you how handsome you are, or how talented, and- oh! How smart you are!"
Azul huffed.
"You- really mustn't feel obligated to flatter me..."
And then it really clicked. He still didn't realize you were actually being sincere!
That wouldn't do at all.
"Azul." You said, voice serious. "I meant every word I said. I'm lucky to have you, really."
And though it wasn't long or nearly as gushy as your previous words, it was the impact you wanted, and Azul's face finally showed a small smile.
"Yes, yes," he said, extending an arm over your torso. "You really are quite the charmer, are you not?"
You just laughed.
"I know, my charisma knows no bounds," you said.
In lieu of a response, he just pulled you into him even further, letting out a content sigh.
You couldn't help but get tired. Your eyes just wanted to close shop for a while.
The last thing you heard before falling asleep was a faint yet familiar 'I love you'.
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howlonomy · 2 days
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in all the 'trauma siblings' stuff with Clover & Kanako, I keep coming back to thinking about how Flowey engages with this
Like, here's someone who went through an at least similar ordeal of getting a human soul mixed into a monster body, leading to a lethal, traumatic injury, into a rebirth into a new body whose physical and emotional state are all way the fuck out of wack
Except Flowey was shaped a lot by having to go through the traumatic aftermath alone, and lives in the weird space of having experienced unknown years of resets but also is still mentally kind of a child
So I have to think that Flowey sees these kids and that little Asriel part of him is screaming "don't let them wind up like us", but being Flowey he also has no idea how to really comfort anyone.
Leading to sweet moments like Clover collapsing somewhere and before anyone else in their family can even pick up on something being wrong, there's already vines springing up to catch them, because of course Flower would know how to spot weakness in people after years of doing that, but now there's a productive positive use for that instinct and it's nice
But also moments like "Gee how do I cheer up Kanako about that appointment with Alphys... I know! We'll torment her! What a wonderful idea!" Because hey, a little bit of sadism always cheered him up when he was suffering
And he'd probably settle toward a crass & hyperbolic style of comforting people with hit-or-miss moments, like a sort of "Wow clover you ate SHIT just now", trying to get them laughing at the misfortune instead of crying, but obviously sometimes It's Not The Time For That or he reverts a bit back to thinking something really fucked up like "Man, that person was really rude just now, we should kill them and everyone they love" and the kids look back at Flowey like "dude what the fuck"
And everybody's different ways of processing trauma are constantly both helping and clashing with each other as these kids help each other figure this shit out because as much as the adults want to help nobody but these 3 can really come close to understanding how it feels
this has been a big ramble for an ask and not really an ask but I wanted you to have this
THIS IS SOOOO GOOD BECAUSE YOURE 100% RIGHT
flowey struggles with knowing the concept of empathy and compassion but not really. KNOWING it. i imagine he can at least remember how it feels being asriel and during the final boss but. its easy to know what it is and harder to put it into practice when you dont actually feel it
i think youre right in that he would try his best to help but not really know HOW. like it takes him a bit to realize that oh, i can see the weaknesses in people, whatdo i do with this information now that i cant use it to exploit them? what can i do to help instead of harm? what is objectively the GOOD thing to do with this information?
hes still an asshole and a bitch but he cares. hes learning to anyways. even if he missteps a lot the people around him are forgiving and willing to help him on the right path and correct him. i love…. flowey :[
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angelicnymph · 3 hours
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♟Mafia Boyfriend Geto Suguru comforting you during your period♟
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!!Cw: Slight Mafia mention, Both reader and Suguru are consenting adults, no kidnapping involved, reader voluntarily went to Suguru, abusive family.
NOTE: You are still living at your old house with your family.
Kindly please support me by liking and reblogging my posts. It helps a lot. <3
You woke up this morning feeling something wet dripping in your underwear. You quickly went to the bathroom and took a warm shower, pour hot water in your hot bag and flop back to bed as you were in excruciating pain due to your cramps. You curled yourself into a ball, and fell asleep.
You woke up again in the afternoon and exchanged texts with your boyfriend. He apologised that he wasn't available this morning as he went on a mission. You shrugged it away and told him it was alright as you could manage your period.
18 00
You got out of your room, passing by the living room to go to the bathroom to do your business when you heard your bitchy aunt mentioning your name.
"You see Y/n could have done the job. After all, she just laid on her bed all day doing nothing.",
upon hearing this from your aunt, knowing she brought this up because she knew you were passing down and could hear her, your anger got the best of you. Your hormones were kicking you as well. You were in excruciating pain since this morning.. you were tossing around in your bed, hell you could barely make it to the bathroom without fainting.
"Well if you checked up on me, you would see why I was laying on my bed whole day. I was in pain."
You were going to rant on more to her but you decided to cut your conversation short as she would only give you a migraine with her bitchy attitude.
You went to the bathroom, did your business and then went to your room and started overthinking about your recent interaction with your aunt.
Just then, like an angel, your boyfriend, Suguru, called you.
Suguru: Hello Princess. How are you doing ? Is it paining too much?
You: Hi baby. Uhm it's- it's okay.
<Suguru could sense you weren't doing good. In fact he knew about your household issues>
Suguru: Baby. Dont lie to me. Tell me what's going on? Is it that aunt of yours again?
<you couldn't bear it any longer, as your hormones were really kicking in, your cramps came back as you started rambling about everything to him, how you were basically suffering since you woke up, the comments your aunt made about you despite you ignored her and how you feel so sad right now>
Suguru: That bitch!
Suguru: Baby. Do me a favour. You know that convenience store in your locality ?
You: Yeah. What about it?
Suguru: Come.
<Suguru actually just wanted to see you. But given the incidents, he decided you'll be spending a few days at his place. He happened to be in your hometown as he had his mission in a nearby town and he had to pass by to get home.>
You: What? Baby you are here?
Suguru: Yes sweetheart. Thought I'd just come to see your pretty face but given the recent incidents, I'm taking you with me babe. Ain't no way I'm letting my girl spend her vulnerable days in such a shitty house with a bitchy family. I'll be waiting for you Princess.
With that, you both cut the call as you took a small bag, put your necessary underwears, pad, a few other essentials. You didn't bother to bring clothes except a few comfortable nightwears as you already had a few t-shirts at Suguru's, more like his t-shirts which he gave you.
You quickly made your way to the convenience store as you spot a familiar man with a halfbun, long hair draping over his back leaning over a familiar range rover.
You couldn't bear it anymore as you launch yourself in his arms. Fortunately, Suguru parked a bit further away in the dark where people wouldn't really spot you both.
You held him tight as you buried your face in his chest as you cried your heart out and ramble everything to him, while he just hug you tight, pressing kisses on your forehead and whispering "it's okay" "I'm here now" "I'll take care of you" to you softly.
He waited for you calm down by yourself as you pulled away from him sniffing with glossy eyes, his arms still tight on your waist. He looked at you for a few seconds before pressing a lingering kiss on your forehead.
"You feeling better baby?"
You just nodded as he took your small bag, took a peak inside and put it in his car.
"Do you need anything more princess? Are you having a particular cravings?"
You simply whispered no.
"Hmm okay. Let's get in the car then baby.", he said as he opened the door to the passenger seat. You climbed inside as he quickly went to the driver seat. He reached a bag from the backseat as he gave it to you.
You looked inside as you saw your usual period cravings and the tampon/pad you used in the correct size. You simply smiled as you looked at him, noticing that he was already looking at you.
You leaned to hug him again which he gladly obliged as he pressed a kiss on your forehead, another one your nose and finally one your lips before you both pulled away and Suguru fastened your seat belt before fastening his and he took off.
While Suguru was driving, you texted your mom that you went to stay with Suguru. Your mom knew your relationship with Suguru and was supportive about it given how much hardships you go through with your other family members and she knew how much you deserved to be with Suguru.
You put you phone in the cup holder as you finished texting your mom and sighed as you looked outside the window.
Suguru reached a hand on your thigh giving it a squeeze as you looked at him.
"Thank you so much Suguru. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Baby it's okay. Afterall what kind of man would I be if I let my girlfriend suffer in such a shitty environment? You don't deserve this babe. You deserve so so much better. "
The rest of the ride was silent with the music playing in the background as you looked outside and Suguru focused on the road.
Suguru knew that as much as you crave contact, you needed mental space sometimes so he did provide it to you. But he also let you know that he's there by constantly keeping his hand on your thigh.
20 15
You both reached Suguru's penthouse in the City as he parked his car and get you out of the car.
He quickly gave you your bag and the other bag containing the things he brought for you before scooping you in his arms and carrying you upstairs claiming that he doesn't want to let you climb the stairs because he's the man.
He let you down as soon as you both reached the kitchen as he told you to make yourself home.
"Baby did you eat yet?"
"Uh not really. But I'm kind of craving potato Wedges and I was hoping if I could bake some?"
"Oh- how about you go have a shower and I bake you some?"
You insisted that he went shower first given that he was working all day but he simply urged you to go first and that's how you found yourself having a hot steamy shower while he was preparing your potatoes.
You came back to the kitchen in a pair of shorts and Suguru's old t-shirt. Suguru quickly saw you as you ran into his arms once again. He kissed your cheek as he told you he's going to take a shower and if you could just bring out the baked potato Wedges once it was ready.
You sat on the counter of the kitchen watching tiktoks before the oven clicked and you took out the potato Wedges.
That's when you noticed the smoothie in the blender. You assumed that it was protein smoothie for Suguru which he was preparing as the smoothie was still cold.
You poured the smoothie in a beer glass and you brought the blender to the sink.
As you were washing it, you felt someone behind you and before you could tell anything, you felt a hot water bag pressed to your tummy.
"What's my princess doing?" he whispered in your ear.
"Was just washing the blender."
"Oh- my protein shake is ready.", Suguru said as he took at the glass of protein shake on the counter and drank it.
You looked at him as he was drinking the protein shake as he raised an eyebrow at you.
"You want some?"
"Yeah. I was actually craving some milk."
Suguru smirked at you as he got out a shot glass and poured some for you as he handed it to you and continued drinking his own.
You looked at the shot glass and then drank it up. It was thick.
"That's not milk."
"It is. I just mixed oats and protein powder with it."
Suguru said as he finished drinking his protein shake and put it in the sink.
You put yours too and was going to wash it as Suguru stopped you and started washing it himself.
"Take the Wedges and go sit on the sofa baby. Pick a movie."
You complied to him as you went to the sofa and picked a random movie as he came to you not so long after. You both shared the Wedges as you watched the movie, occasionally laughing and giggling and throwing comments about the film.
As soon as you finished eating, Suguru paused the movie and took you to the bathroom where he passed you a new toothbrush and toothpaste as you both carried on with your night routine.
You both then returned to the living room to continue your movie. You snuggled to him as you loved his body warmth, it was better than your water bottle. You cling onto him like a koala as he circled his arm around you and started massaging the knots in your belly, providing you comfort. Your eyes started feeling heavy listening to his heartbeats as your head was on his chest as well.
22 15
It didn't take long for you to fall asleep as Suguru switched off the TV and picked you up and went to his bedroom. He removed his shirt as he wanted to provide you much body warmth as he could, checked if your water bottle was still warm enough and then slid behind you and spooned you.
You sighed in content in your sleep due to the surrounding warmth as Suguru turned off the lamps and pressed a kiss on your nape and drifted to sleep himself.
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sstarlostt · 9 months
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・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ starlost 。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆
main groups: seventeen, stray kids, day6
biases: wen junhui, kim seungmin, kim wonpil
bias wreckers: jeon wonwoo, hwang hyunjin, all of them
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚***•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚***•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
i really like rhythm games; Khddrhfkuruk on SSJYP, Rhythm Hive, and SSATEEZ
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☆♬○♩●♪✧♩✧♩✧♪●♩○♬☆♬○♩●♪✧♩✧♩
really nothing else to say,, i just think these guys are not only neat but also make some banger tunes! im cringe but i am free
/`–。–マ
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yo9urt · 30 days
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video games....
#mine#i love my steam deck sooooooooo much im so happy i can actually play games again like a big proper library of them#and everything#everything on steam AND emulators is available to me. do you know how many games that is!#i started a new beegee3 playthrough on the HARDEST DIFFICULTY (!) today. which is also a single-save difficulty#and im in one of the most difficult parts of the game right now (level 4) and kind of nervous lol#but at the same time im really proud of myself for learning the game to the point i feel comfortable challenging myself in it#and im happy i get to at all :D i love you video games#and sooner or later ill come back to stardew valley cause there was that big update and i have some games on my wishlist too#and its not verified yet but i might play that pomeranian making the house dirty game cause it looked cute#oh and yakuza also because my friend got two of the yakuzas for me#YAYYYYY GAMES#also kind of sad though because tomorrow i pack and sunday i go back for babys last quarter of college#and im worried about how busy its going to be with classes and job apps and then of course actually graduating#and moving out and haivng a job and stuff#when all i want is to enjoy being able to play video games again.... sig#sigh*#WHATEVER...future mes problem#oh i almost forgot...one of the best parts of the deck imo is the versatility because with games like beegee3#you can play it in controller mode which has its pros and cons but you can also swap to computer mode#which also has its pros and cons so like. i can adjust as needed#when im just exploring or trying to loot an area etc i go controller#but when im in combat i go computer because the hotbar is REALLY helpful for decision making#its really nice to have the option to choose since no console players have that it seems#and the only pc players who can do that are the ones who have and are willing to connect controllers#and most of them dont seem to be into that#but im really glad to be able to do both#ok done yapping now
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atinyladybug-daydreams · 11 months
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Fuck it, I'll make my own version of Bright and rewrite the entire family myself.
I already have some base but it's going to take a while to fully rework and remake this entire thing. The thing's rooted deep and I need to do a lot of research.
So until then, I'll pause my shit on Bright. Until I get a bit more of a solid footing and figure out more stuff.
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sludgeguzzler · 8 months
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man. i changed so much these past years
#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth#it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff*#all of it in just the past 4 years... insane#i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends.#i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever.#i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years.#i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had.#(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl#whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions#i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made#not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i#go through with internet interactions)#damn. really feeling the passage of time now.#also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now#i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school#i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better#idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like.#yeah man. im doing a lot better#i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything#talk
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widevibratobitch · 21 days
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.
#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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borderlinegerard · 1 month
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#my posts#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh
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yourcalamity · 8 months
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im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches
#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol#youre welcome future coldcase vloggers#but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job#must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right#if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other#sources will cease to exist#also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me#just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right#life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you#and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose#you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to#fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that#ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again#and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto#i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion#i have been carrying so much hurt#now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground#but sure i will enjoy my trip
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cowboypossume · 3 months
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:o
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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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actual-corpse · 5 months
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I just realized that it's been too long since I got engulfed in soft fandom...
Might fuck around and find some Porter Gage x Male Sole Survivor soft porn shit or something Idfk
#porter gage#i havent really felt emotionally healed enough to play video games#the night that I fucked everything up with my now ex I was playing Skyrim#and I was upset that he never took me out to dinner anymore so I got upset and went for a drive#I came back and the house was full of noise that I didnt want#i wasnt asked if anyone could come over so i wasnt prepared#i got heated and acted really stupid#and then I yelled at him#and that was it#and now I really dont feel comfortable trying to play video games#especially since he threw it in my face one time bc I didnt take care of a task that he couldve done#... i havent really thought much about it since it happened#it hurts#a lot#i actually tried to hang myself the day it happened#drove out to the lake and found a secluded trail#i didnt do it right and had too many chances to change my mind#the last time I freed myself I managed to rip my helix piercing (not out... I just restarted a year of healing)#called my mom and drove home with blood pouring down my ear#until very recently I had regretted every day I lived... especially after I went off on a couple of stupid boys who wouldnt stfu in class#then had to deal with all that#so I went to the doctor and got liquid tests#on citalopram and vitamin D3#i feel a little better now#still have to contend with hormonal shifts making me irritable#so i try to handle that to keep from fucking up again#i dont like that it still hurts#and i havent done one of the things i love (play videogames aside from Sims 4)#i just want to feel important to someone you know?#and I kind of had it for a while
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creatorbiaze · 3 months
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sometimes i forget that other people have higher sympathy than me & a lot of my jokes don't look like jokes
like
wdym you're concerned about me after I seem somewhat concerning
my pain is funny, laugh. please
like genuinely, i process things using humor, plz indulge</3
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