#but i still hadnt reached that point. still HAVENT reached that point.

[pinkseas]

girl who thinks about xiaolumi too much literally while in the middle of writing abt them and then starts crying a little bit

[good-beans]

✨️💖

[tojigasm]

Heavy with Blood and Sick

Authors note: thank you so, so much for 10k!! I adore you all endlessly and cannot thankyou enough for the joyous support and adoration you've all expressed towards my work. I hope you all enjoy this celebratory piece ♡♡

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, nsfw, labor, pregnancy, pet names, unexpected pregnancy, graphic birth, blood, pain, crying, fluff, love, angst

Synopsis:

"Easy, easy, sweetheart." He's soft behind you, grounding you as another contraction rips itself through your body.

"Breathe fr'me, deep breaths," he strokes his hand down your shaky arm, "good girl," Jake presses a kiss to the back of your head when you groan again.

"I cant- I cant..." your cheeks are swollen and hot as you pant into his hold.

Jake pulls you into him, pulling your hair behind your ear, "you can," he nods with his words, reaching down to cup the underside of your heavy middle, "calm down, kid."

He doesn't understand it. Doesn't know why you don't just come out with whatever the hell it was that was so obviously bothering you. It annoys him that you're crying in his lap, sobbing and choking, sniffling against the thunder and rain that shatters in the sky, making you jump ever so often. Yet you still won't tell him what's wrong.

He eventually stops prying, settling on running a big hand up and down your back in gentle rows.

"You okay?" He only asks once your broken cries have dissolved into quiet sniffles.

You don't say anything. Nodding into your arms cupped over your knees.

Jake eyes you at your quiet response, moving to speak before he pauses. He realizes he doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know what you need and how to help.

"Sweetheart?"

"M'pregnant." You cut him off. It's so sudden Jake thinks the confession shakes you as well.

It does.

Jake nods, humming softly before tucking you back into his hold. "Tsuy wasn't happy I gather?" He motions languidly to your position in his lap and you nod. He sighs through his nose at that.

And he's so warm. So warm and big and rough. So stern that you nearly start crying again. The blue stripes and scars a mocking reminder of tsuy. He doesn't let you go back to your home that night.

-

Jake hates when you do this.

Hates the way you look over his children with sorrow eyes. Whether its watching the three by the river, helping Neytiri with Tuk, briading Kiri's hair. It's all the same, the same look.

He knows the last six months havent been kind to you - riddled by your surpise pregnancy ontop of your mate leaving you. He'd taken you under his wing at that, both he and Neytiri taking you in as their own which had soon bloomed into much more.

Often Jake finds himself thinking back to the day the three of you had mated. Making the bond between the two of you had brought upon something he hadnt expected; rather than a flush of excited heat he'd been met with a heavy sorrow.

He often wonders what you think of, what you need. He doesnt quite know.

"Hey hon," Jake nuzzles your cheek as you thread blades of grass together. He takes a seat next to you, pulling his own handful of green from the root to start braiding together.

You hum in acknowdlegement, crossing your legs under your swollen middle. You like days like this, days where the wind in the forest is soft and cool and the trees seem to sing.

You can tell Jake wants to say something. He's always been that way, very straight to the point and naturally paternal to those he loves.

"What is it?" you sigh, folding over the last blade of the strewn plants.

He's quiet for a moment, eyes shifting from his hands of bent grass to your figure beside him. "Are you alirght?" He asks finally, dropping the ripped blades to the ground.

"Why wouldnt i be?" you answer sharply, fingers pulling a bit tighter at the ends of your necklace. He doesnt respond but you know whats coming, know that he'll eventually unravel your soft walls you so despeartely tried to build up over the past few months.

Jake's hand cups under your chin, stroking the base of your ear soflty. "Hey," he calls gently, placing his free hand on your wrists to push them down to your lap.

"Look at me, sweetheart," Jake speaks so softly you could cry. His hand on your chin turns you gently to meet his eyes. His amber ones search your teary ones before he's pulling you into his lap with a soft hum.

He doesn't try to coo you, doesnt quiet your heartfelt sobs and your choked cries. He lets hismelf be there, lets himself soothe a hand up and down your back as you cry into his chest.

"You're gonna be okay. I'm gonna take care of you, you're gonna be fine, honey."

—

Neytiri had been out on a hunt. Away for a week at least and heavysome you became with worry, sick, and labor.

It'd only been a few hours since your contractions started to get closer together. Every ache and pull against your womb simmering in the heat of your strength.

You rocked back and forth on your hands and knees in the heat of the nearby springs. Jake helping to relax your muscles as you felt another contraction rip its way through your womb.

 Jake, beside you, kneeling and running his hand over the skin of your back, gently massaged the rough of his palms into your shaking nerves.

"Haa... haa Jake” you cried, the pressuring heat in your belly so heavy you can feel your knees buckle beneath you. You nearly collapse at the intensity of it. Grasping for Jake as air catches in your throat.

He catches your arm, finding a soft patch to meet your heavy eyes.

“I’m right here, whatta need, sweetheart?” He stroks the skin of your shoulder, moving his hand from your back to rest on your wet cheek.

You whimper, “just,” you look back at your belly through a pant. "I want 'tiri," you cry, head dropping between your shoulder blades.

Jake nods softly.

“I know, hon. I know."

—

“Jake, i can’t.” you pant, back to Jake's chest. 

"Easy, easy, sweetheart." He's soft behind you, grounding you as another contraction rips itself through your body.

"Breathe fr'me, deep breaths," he strokes his hand down your shaky arm, "good girl," Jake presses a kiss to the back of your head when you groan again.

"I cant- I cant..." your cheeks are swollen and hot as you pant into his hold.

Jake pulls you into him, pulling your hair behind your ear, "you can," he nods with his words, reaching down to cup the underside of your heavy middle, "calm down, kid."

You sob, falling into his hands.

"Hurts so bad."

“i know," he nods, rubbing your shoulders softly, "m'right here.”

—

“Jake, pease,” you said mumble through a sobbing pant “please, just make it stop.” 

You couldn't breathe - you felt like your lungs were being crushed, your legs had gone numb, pins and needles stabbing into the heels of your feet and tail, running up the muscles of your swollen caves. Child birth was sickly.

Jake sat behind you, his chest to your back and his arms beneath your own, stroking the taut skin of your belly.

“Shh...c’mon, c’mon another push for me please.” Jake whispers into the back of your head, the scent of your heat claiming his nerves slightly.

“I cant. Jake, really, I can't.” you were so exhausted. 

“Yes you can.” Jake slid both hands under your arms to hoist you up to be sitting more. The abrupt change in position startling you.

“Kay, on three you're gonna give me a big push, okay?” Jake bent his head over your shoulder to kiss your cheek, lips against your damp skin as he did so. 

You nodded and readjusted yourself as much as you could, gripping your hands on his muscled thighs which sat on either side of you. 

“You ready?” Jake asks, rubbing his hands up and down your arms comfortingly. 

“Mhm” you nod again, preparing yourself for the inevitable contraction. Right as the first tendrils of pain passed through your belly you grit your teeth and pushed, eyes screwed shut. 

Jake's soft praises soothe you as you groan. “Such a good girl for me.”

—

Your legs were beginning to twitch from supporting your weight for so long. tail heavy to the ground and ears droopy with unease.

You sat in a squat, your legs spread and your nails digging into Jake's thick skin.

Jake sat in a squat in front of you, large hands holding the tops of your spread thighs.

“Ya doin’ okay?” Jake cooed, looking between your legs as he asked, quirking his head a tad to look up at you.

You nodded through a sob “Y-yeah- ah!” another contraction ripped itself through your body making you curl in on yourself, dropping a hand from Jake's thigh to cup your belly. 

“Jake, get him out,” you sob, lids heavy and cheeks hot.

“m'doin' the best i can, hon,” he rubbed your thighs with his rough thumbs. “you're doin' so good." 

You nod tiredly.

“Kay, gimme another push, you can do this." Jake nods, tilting his head to get a better look at your face. 

With a hiss, you bore down into another push, legs widening as a white hot pain stroke itself through your opening. 

“Jake, it burns!” You throw your head back into cry out as you continued to push. 

Jake took his hand from your belly to place both in a cupping position beneath you. “That’s okay, its all okay. Just means the baby’s crowning.”

Suddenly the pain spread itself throughout the entire bottom half of your body, spreading through your legs and numbing your toes in pure aony as you pushed. 

“Ta- agh!” you hissed and pushed again. 

“Keep your push, right there sweetheart, I can see his head.” Jake's tail perks and his tongue falls out to lay across his bottom lip, eyes zoned in on the small tuft of hair that would've been nearly invisible to the naked eye. 

“It hurts, oh my god it hurts.” you hissed and bore down again, your swollen lips drawing into a straight line. 

“Stop, stop, stop.” Jake interrupts you. 

“Why? What's going on?” you heaved. 

“Nothin’ relax.” Jake looks up at you, “You just gotta let yourself breathe, you're gonna pass out.” 

You went to say something when another contraction shook your core again. 

“Oh god, help, Jake, help me!” You could feel the baby began to crown, your legs widening to accommodate. 

“I’m right here, sweetie, you're doing so good.” Jake ooked at you, putting his hand between your legs and feeling around, focusing on what he was doing as he copied breathing with you. 

“In-” He took an exaggerated inhale “And out” he exhaled dramatically and you copied, the breathing exercise going on for a couple of seconds.

“Whew!” Jake laugh, shaking his head a bit, “Getting' dizzy haha.”

You side eye him which he returns in a sheepish smile. The small moment being interrupted when you groaned again, squeezing your eyes shut and curling in again to push. 

“Can you feel him?” your eyes fall shut.

“Yeah, kid, I got him, don’t worry, just keep breathing.” He cups the baby’s head, letting you push again as he helps to maneuver the top of the head out. 

“Ah! gentle, please- it hurts.” you sniffled and opened your eyes, craning your neck to try and see over the curve of your belly before Jake pushes your head back up some.

“You’ll hurt your neck.” he scolds, taking your hand from his shoulder to bring it around your middle to his own. Your fingertips graze a small tuft of hair and you're left to gasp lightly.

“Th- that's him?” you look up at Jake in exhaust, too tired to fully register whether or not what was happening was real. 

Jakes eyes are watery, “Yeah, kid. That’s our baby." He looks back down, moving your hand back to his shoulder, grounding you as you pushed again. 

“Oh, wait, wait, wait- right there, one more big push, his nose is almost out.” Jake readjusts his weight on both feet, stepping side to side slightly. 

You pushed again, a smooth pop! Filling out your body as you felt the head slip out of your body. 

“Oh there he is,” Jake stroks the small tuft of black hair on the smooth skin of the baby’s head “Hey, lil' bud."

You still sat in your squat, eyes closed and taking deep breaths as you try to calm yourself down, brows furrowing at times when a small jerk of pain would make you jump. 

“You okay?” Jake notices asked, baby’s head still in his hands, looking up at you. 

You nodded, trying to stop yourself from crying. 

“You’re okay baby, I’m right here. If you needa' cry then cry.” he reaches up and to kiss your forehead. 

Shivering, you begin to push again, the shoulders slowly breaching your body. 

“So good, so good, he’s almost out.” jake soothes, pulling lightly at the shoulder being pushed from your body. “C’mon just one more big push, you’re so close.” 

“Fuck!” You exclaimed and bore down once more. 

Finally the shoulder slipped out, followed by the baby’s body, falling into Jake's grasp, his huge blue hands dwarfing the baby. 

You fall back onto your bum at the release of the baby, going to reach for him as Jake scrambled to swaddle the infant within thatch wraps before handing him over to you. 

You cup the baby in your hold, hands shaking as you run your finger over the plumpness of his cheek. 

“Hey baby,” you coo through tears, leaning down to kiss your baby’s head before looking for Jake who had grabbed a blanket and was wrapping you in it. 

Squatting behind you, he leaned over your shoulder to turn your head and kiss you. 

“Hold his head, honey, like this- there you go.” Jake corrects gently, bringing his hand under your own for support.

[mitamicah]

I had the most chaotic two hours for no reaso n 😆😅

There was karaoke event i felt like going to but 25 min before showtime i still hadnt dressed myself

I got an idea for an outfit but couldnt find half the things I wanted to wear (suspenders, bracelets, mascara). When finally having put the outfit together i realised I'd put on one of the shirts inside out so I had to take three layers of shirts off again.

Then I realised my phone was low on battery but couldnt find the powerbank until I remembered it probably still were in the bag from sweden. Having gotten my powerbank it made a fake out dead on me (wouldnt charge my phone for a minute or so).

At this time the 25 min are gone and I am late. I take the elevator down 5 floors to find my backlight on my bike is dead. I walk the 5 floors up again to find a sparelight but I only have one and I fear that one might not be able to sit on my bike so I find some sparebatteries just in case.

As I feared the sparelight falls off and smashes on the road so I am left in pitch black darkness to try to get into the batterycontainer of the original light. As it turns out i have grabbed the wrong batteries so I can choose to go 20 min home or 20 min to the karaoke venue. I chose the latter.

Getting into the city i try to see if the local supermarked is open but surprise it is not because it is easter. So instead I stumble into the nearest 7/11 to buy overpriced bike lights.

After all of this i finally reach the venue. Although the event has been going on for almost an hour at this point only one person is present. I decide that that is too few people for me so I will just use the toilet quickly and ride home. The light on the toilet wont turn off so I have to use my phone flashlight to see.

Luckily nothing happens on my way home except that I take a route i havent before because I think nothing else can possibly go wrong. For once this evening i am right.

So this is the story about how I spend 2 hours on nothing 😆

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

ok. i took a long, long time (song ref) but hi!!!!!!!!!

1. titanic fic (*cue shit-eating grin*). umum. im curious if there's anything about the morse code yet. or codes in gen actually. so. sentences with the word "code" :3

2. titanic vid!!!! Idk if you like the engineering aspects, but there still were a ton of other facts sprinkled in (spiral staircases, people that monitored coal balance, separate staff room for firemen, how they got air down there etc) https://youtube.com/watch?v=4begc_U8ygI#searching

3. surprise!! this is an interview. i have some Official Author questions for you (feel free to pick and choose, come back to this later, or just striaght up ignore lol):

3a. Do you have any authors (professional or not) that you aspire to be like one day?

3b. Following that up, are there any specific works (again, published, professional, etc or just amazing amateur works!!) that really inspire you?

3c. What made you start writing? I'm curious on anything that led to the conscious decision, of course, but additionally do you think there was anything you grew up with that "planted the seeds"? Was it any of the people from question 3a?

3d. What's the silliest (/pos) idea you've ever had for a fic? If you didn't write/publish it, why not? Was it a recent thing? If not, do you think your experience would have influenced that idea today?

if those dont make sense u can send me a messgae or something 👍👍👍 goodnight

ITS BEEN THREE DAYS but im here okay……. lets do this. hi pep :>

1) alas, i’ve been focusing on a lot of other things so i havent reached a written point of the Code Usage, which begins in like chapter 3-4. sorry man 💔 (progress has been made ! just not as much as i’d hope 😭)

2) FUN FACTS?!??!??!??!!?!!? IM WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY RN BUT IM YOINKING THIS RIGHT AFTER YIPPIE!!!!!!!!

3a) uhmmmmmmmm i dont exactly pay attention to authors as much as i pay attention to books but you know what. rick riordan. not because of anything he’s done or written but because of his audacity to write 20+ books in the same universe and still get 100000000000000 people 1000000% invested in it. i wanna write sequels forever. can i be him

3b) OHHHHHHHH UHM UHM UHM UHM the thing that got me into fanfic specifically was the fic “versability” (it was a gf fic about ‘what if ford never made the portal’, written like 2015-16, and yeah i did know of and even read a bit of fic beforehand but i was never into it) but just READING ? the land of stories by chris colfer, easy. mmmmmmmmm that was my fucking Thing. if i wasnt a baby at that time i would have WROTE. SO. MUCH. GOOD GOD. IT WAS MY THING. THE THING THAT GOT ME INTO NOVELS. URGH. alex my iconic mentally ill bisexual, conner my precious cynical boy. i need to read those again my GOD now i think about it that was fairytale fanfiction that happejed to bepublished and ohhhhh it was beautiful. im gonna read jt . iM GONNA DO IT!!!!

3c) in writing in general or just fanfic? for fanfic its that one day i had an gf fic idea (that i had to heavily revise/rewrite, but it did end up getting out eventually) that i hadnt read anything like it, and i wanted to see it. decided: hey, im shit at writing, but might as well!!!!!! 65k words later, its not a joke anymore. im a Writer now :) but as for in general, well ofc reading books. people told me in the past im creative and should get into book writing if you like reading so much. i decided well im gonna do it professionally, but might as well do something tiny, so i well uh wrote. im not gonna tell you but it certainly was Something. classic isekai mary sue dramatic plot hybrids etc etc etc but actually the queen the mc is “related” to is actually polyam and was in a relationship with both their dad and their mom and the big villain is the queen’s sister who’s pissed that both of her lovers ditched her for the human world (but actually they had to break up because because the society was not polyam friendly. there just happened to be a war after that). everything else was basic isekai except for that little crumble of lore. the queen was a bisexual. the dad was a pansexual. the mom was a lesbian. i think i ate there to be honest

3d) mmmmmm i gotta think. there was definitely a gf x amphibia au where ford got ploped in amphibia and the plantars IMMEDIATELY stole him and wrapped him up in their adventures right when the plot starting becoming a thing (early season 2). there’s one where stan and ford just….. climb a tree. it’s laced with a lot of philosophical talks straight from good omens knowledge but ultimately its just goody fun. mmmmm theres one where gabriel has no idea what crowley looks like, but he DOES know what Bildad The Shuite looks like, itd be tiny but so so so so funny. the gf/gomens crossover…..a human au based on that one tumblr post about a necromancer bringing people back from the dead to fuck with the killer and opening a discord support group….. the s1 humans + aziraphale being the victims, crowley the necromancer, and the s2 humans being the nosy outsiders who Notice things happens but can never say shit. oughhhh……… Yeah. yeah, thats good. most of these are recent except 4 the amphibia one, wouldnt change much about it even with the shit i know now EXCEPT being able to handle the relationships/emotions between the characters better, ive certainly gotten better at it and i love it. i havent published any bc either i started but couldnt finished, or just thought it was neat and moved on to plop it in the ideas folder and wait 4 inspiration.

OKAY THATS A LOT BUT THERE YOU GO sorry for the wait, man. you’re my best cupperty you know that right 🫵 ANSWERS!!!!! and ill work on titanic as fast as i can, it hasnt been forgotten !! i just gotta mow the grass….. (“short” fic wips)

[trash----panda]

PT 3 (cause i got some motivation)

The truck came to a stop, almost knocking Dendro over when it lurched, though he quickly stabalized using his tail to balance. He starred up at the front console, still kinda anxious about the whole thing. They werent a combat team, they werent even cleared for self-defense, so if anything happened they were only allowed to run away. He glanced at Joey, she didnt seem half as worried as him, wasnt she scare of the mutations? His sigh was loud enough to catch her attention.

"what?" Her voice snapped him out of it for a moment, he just kinda starred at her as he fastened his mask "nothing, really just ... Havent really had a partner for this before"

"for what?" She literally hadnt listened to a word said, off in her own little world

"scouting.... what we were sent to do"

"....."

"they just told us"

"doesnt ring a bell"

He was glad she couldnt really see his face through his mask, this was gonna be hell to get through. "Whatever lets just hurry, and dont touch anything" he went to the back of the vehicle, opening it up and stepping out, making a log that the vehicle was left on Acorn Drive, it's always better to make sure you arent lost, espeacially in a place like this. The buildings around them looked long abandoned, crumbling and overgrown, it bothered Dendro but this just reminded Joey of the hive she grew up in. She flew up and sat on his shoulder, figuring it'd make less noise if she didnt fly. He was very obviously hesitant but started exploring anyways, occasionally feeling for his dagger on his hip, good, it was still there.

After what felt like ages to the pixie they finallt made it to the abandoned mall, supposedly they were supposed to be searching the area to make sure no new mutations had spawned, and if so, notify the clean up crew. Dendro was cautious, searching quietly and watching for any movement. While Joey was pretty sure nothing was out to get them, getting bored and deciding to explore.

(TW. Slight Gore, Fear, Loss of limb)

She had gone ahead and found an old clothing store, spotting the section with pins, picking each up and examining them. Giving a small chuckle at some of the jokes. Dendro spotted her, still talking in a hushed whisper "what are you doing"

"there's nothing here, we should take something as compesation"

"what? No what if it has germs"

"what are you, 5?" She rolled her eyes

"you know what i mean, i could get infected"

"yah right, like you, the most carful of us, would get infected from a little piece of plastic that says...." she starred at it "i cant actually read this one"

He got ready to continue arguing, but stopped himself, spotting some movement in the back, drawing his knife "Joey" he hissed. She just ignored him, kinda bitter now "it isnt even that big of a deal, i can be as loud as i want" she threw one of them down to prove a point, raising her voice "no one is even here-"

She didnt have time to finish the second, he'd tried to reach her in time but she was too far away, a large mutation, standing a good 9 ft tall (3 meters) had clamped it's teeth around her, probably not even noticing as it simply swallowed. Dendro starred in disbelief, he didnt know what to do, his mind racing. His eyes locked on her severed arm, the growl snapped him out of it, looking at this... this thing. It used to be a person but that was hard to tell, having no eyes now it moved on all fours, looked more like a dog than whoever it used to be. It hadnt heard him yet, he had a chance. He sucked in a silent breath, his chest feeling tight as he inched through the store. He knew protocal, abandon your partner. He knew it was best, just abandon your partner. But he couldnt, fuck, he was probably gonna get written up for this. He silently made his way behind it, tensing when it started sniffing around, he held as still as his body would let him, waiting for it to walk by before trying to throw himself against it.

It screamed, at least it sounded like one, screeching and flailing as he clung to it's hide, trying to push his dagger in. There was no way this was gonna work right? But he couldnt let go now or he was next. He managed to wedge the blade between it's ribs, perking up as he pushed it deeper, just out of reach as the creature snapped it's jaws at him. He knew his arm wasnt strong enough so he used his claws to pull himself up more. Pushing the blade down with his foot, leaving a sizable gash down it's side. That seemed to do the trick, he got lucky this one wasnt stable enough to survive a wound like that. Getting bashed against the ground as it collapsed on top of him. He had to struggle to get free, pushing it over and starring at the wound. His stomach was doing flips just thinking about it, but he had to, he pushed his hand inside, gagging a little. Even with the suit creating a barrier he could feel the organs when he pushed them around. There. He grabbed and pulled, starring at the stomach in front of him, seriously debating if this was worth it. He sliced it open, temporarily forgetting how gross it was when he spotted the pixie. He scooped her up as quickly as possible, holding her in one hand while pressing on her back with his fingers, just until she coughed and started breathing again. Relief flooding him.

(End of trigger warning area)

"you're alive"

She was still a little dazed, espeacially with the lack of oxygen "duh" she coughed again, feeling like she might throw up.

He paused, glaring a little cause of her attitude, mumbling softly "next time i'll kill you myself"

"wha?"

"hm?"

"....... I just thought.... you said something"

".....might be delarious... probably gonna need disinfected"

She tensed, struggling to do so but sitting up "hey no i can do that myself! I am more tha-" he cupped his hands around her to drown her out, wincing as he got up. He'd defiantly hurt himself getting thrown around like that. Headed back towards the van, they were both gonna need to be cleaned outside the vehicle. It came equipt with that, the disinfectant applied like a shower. At least that was kinda a punishment, the pixie did seem to hate water. Then they'd get to go back to the dorms for a warm meal, he desperatly needed one of those.

-----------------

(if anyone has a name for the story, feel free to suggest)

[single-malt-scotch]

of course i have things to say about lim life and bdubs. you know its funny and great- of course i would love his pov. but i still feel satisfied by what i saw and i dont feel like i do. there is something very different about witnessing a player this way, something we really havent had at all. and of everyone its bdubs. the guy who is associated with time and the guy who acts out so well to the narrative in front of him. and we dont lose anything- bdubs is still bdubs.

after double life we see him team up with people he hadnt from LL-DL. something fresh. together they create a family themed around time and at the center of the map they make a clock tower. they watch every death that spawns for entertainment. regardless of his need to stay with the clockers he continuously shows attachment to TIES/etho (mostly etho). it may be in jest but the clockers point out numerous times that this behavior doesnt shock them, that of course hes like that with etho and of course its muddying his alliances. and lets not forget the grudges held by most members of TIES (eventually Skizz on the list for a bit due to killing him), a neat detail in this funny little situation.

and then for a good whole episode it does make a problem- in the sense it confuses him and everyone else as to where he lies. he later defends the hell out of etho even from the meta jokes of being washed up, later in game of putting himself in front of a group that wants to kill etho, again in offer his life that etho doesnt take. we dont get to hear his thought process, whatever commentary he may be giving about why he really wanted to be with etho again and why he struggled to make it happen. we see it through everyone else. cleo, who is amused at bdubs' very typical behavior but evermore trying to convince him to not go wot etho. etho, who gets glimpses at bdubs from afar and a few moments where they meet in private, having a connection only two close friends could have alone. the rest of TIES who takes him in in brief moments but never hearing more. overall in the end hes around and hes trying to do good, hes "trying his heart out", theres attempts being made but we can see them slip and falter from things outside of his control. the timing is never right.

but no im not done actually. his attempt to help isnt just tied to etho. bdubs has shown himself to be caring and kind, and putting himself out there in order to help others. i think thats where he fell apart- he wanted to keep it all good between clockers and TIES, despite the family dynamic putting in stone that it wasnt possible. as a whole he wanted to be in the middle and this extended to many other interactions. there wasnt a single person that bdubs was actively against this season (yes including skizz- their dynamic was on the same level after he first fight so it became mutual imo), no long building hate, and the clockers were welcoming to others too in their alliances but bdubs did still stand out as the clockers denied TIES and he held on to them. further in we get to the moments where bdubs then offers himself up. its like there was a realization on the game in episode 7, they were far enough in that he thought maybe he could help just before it got worse. he went up to jimmy who's known to die first (yet someone he hardly interacted with) and desperately and repeatedly asks to be killed and of course jimmy takes it, hes only a few minutes away. and then of course he tries again with etho, twice, including helping a fight and etho doesnt take it. you can hear bdubs in the background still laying out what etho could do.

as the season reaches its end let me wind back a bit to deaths in general. bdubs earliest death was certainly an interesting one, one fight he was so confident about and completely failed at, missing numerous hits. and this isnt a surprise to me. bdubs was actually pretty.... well he lacked a lot of kills this season. and not knowing his time for sure through the episodes made this all more interesting to watch, you know? he never seemed like he was really seeking it out. even in a stream before session 8 scar and grian both say they have no clue what bdubs' time is. im sure someone added this up but for everyone else and the average watcher, we see him fumbling or giving his time all while not thinking at all about what he had left just before the end. and then hes the first one to go out in episode 8. its not that it wasnt expected, but his time being in the dark for so much of the series leaves you not thinking about it. it didnt seem like he died that much, it didnt seem like his timer was that now- you wouldnt know for sure unless you saw his pov. most of all, we never really hear him asking for time? there arent any key moments with him saying he really needs to kill. hes fighting, hes helping, but theres barely a hint of desperation to hunt people down- he just stayed in the place he usually was, around the tower, hoping to lend a hand.

and death again. how does his series end? unexpected, completely unknowing to what would kill him. impulse had killed him once earlier and tried to a second time and the cute thing about it? they were laughing the whole time. this could be the moment where youd say impulse got the kill he wanted. and then we get to bdubs' perma death and its impulse again and he never saw it coming- out of the game first that session and left to spectate everyone until the next start to die. quietly until he gets in the chat.. not unlike LL, but not for nearly as long.

and of course, so much of his time is spent in around the clock tower. this led to all of the clocker's demise, with ow dangerous of a location it became, and its all the more in character for each of them to go out there. theres of course something poetic to take from that.

so what does bdubs give us this season? why does it still mean something despite his pov? well it can mean whatever you want it to mean, it can add up to whatever narrative you took from limited life. i dont know if we will know for sure why bdubs didnt upload outside of what he loosely stated on stream. but forever hes someone i look to for an act that has so much to take from it. intentional or not hes putting something in i never see from anyone else. there doesnt need to even be an artistic reason for his choice to not post but his choices always add up to something and i do think he goes out there knowing full well what he can do. he played a type only he can play, because its inherently just who he is and he will never stop being him and that is so great. ill never doubt his decision no matter if it was purposeful, or personal. bdubs is still bdubs and that is all that i wanted.

[loversj0y]

hey gang so sorry about delays and stuff on writing, i want to be writing, truly, but

simply put i have not been well, you know how most people get seasonal depression around november? its the opposite for me, i get whatever shitty summer equivalent exists to where, once it becomes around april/may i just forget how to do most things

ive hit a writing roadblock because of it and i hate it, i WANT to write, i have each story in my brain just waiting to be transcribed but my hands and my brain seem to have formed a fence between them incapable of reaching an amends

ive been scouring prompt lists in the desperate hopes that id be able to write something, but it has been less than successful so far

i really wanted to finish the tis the damn season au by now, ive never been more proud of a piece of work, but ive hit such a point of, despite knowing how and where i want to go, i cant, for whatever reason, put the words down onto the page

this is more of a personal vent than an apology at this point but my god i never noticed until now that this quite literally happens to me every year, but my god, i want to work, i want to do the things i love, i want to play my guitar and make my songs and write words about love but fuck man i can barely leave my bed. this is the most effort ive put into anything recently and im struggling with even this

im just tired of feeling like this. i have a video editing assignment due in a week and i havent started despite the hours of footage i still have to deal with and i told myself id spend the day processing all of it but in reality i just- i just finally got out of bed but only because i hadnt eaten all day and had to force myself to eat something even though i barely could stomach any of it

i just dont know what im doing anymore man i want to tell the stories that i have but i cant even write music anymore and ive studied it since i was 8, i feel like ive lost such a major part of myself

[thesugarhole]

so i think it was saturday i had a free two hours or so and since i was done with 2kki updates then (i know i saw dont mention it im waiting it out till the end of the week) i thought hey lets finally go finish dd2, i left the campaign right outside the 5th mountain

so i go in there and have a much easier time because i remember the gimmicks, and i reach the hateful god. and i painstakingly whittle down the hp from 999 to about 100 without once getting face your failures. and im like hey! what gives! did not dawn on me once that maybe i had to kill those two babies at the same time first.... and im still not sure if that was what didnt trigger it because when i finally got a ghost it only took up one slot since hateful god is strictly in the middle. but well, its nice to know for the future runs. so i defeated them! (me?)

the ending cinematic is alright but i think the one from the first game impacted me more. i think, might be rose tinted glasses, havent gone back and compared. ~85 hours total, first game i think was ~92 hours before i went into dlc and achievement hunting

so here comes the real meat of dd2, which is completionism and achievos. i highly doubt ill be able to unlock every single item thats not bought at the altar of hope, but theres nothing really quantifying them anyway so im not that bothered by it.

first achievo i want to get after completing the game is defeat death, since ive only ever seen her in the flashback. so i go at it in denial since its one of the shortest chapters, and as im reaching the brain, having gone to every single fight possible, im thinking mhm. what are the actual chances of getting her? 6%. bad idea to have started with this one, and i only got to 1 shrine too for the characters i havent finished the stories yet, so this run might have been a waste.

the very last battle, before the inn before the mountain, she shows up so yay! i got good luck. and of course, promptly got her ass kicked, so i unlocked the chievo. teehee

forgot to party wipe to denial so im gonna have to do it one more time with that in mind. also, i think this was the first run i was able to complete with a hard difficulty flame on (the very first on the list, i think infernal?, im currently in the process of unlocking stuff by 1 cheapest / 2 useful) and i wasnt trying very hard, so maybe ive finally gotten decent at the current mechanics.

i decided to look at what i hadnt gotten yet and make a list from easiest to hardest so i dont risk like, going for the worst thing first while disregarding easy wins. after that, my next run my goals were:

master 5 skills in one hero: fairly easy in a fuck-it run. surprised i never did it before i finished the game, even. i guess i distributed mastery points as evenly as possible.

heal disease, remove negative quirk, lock positive quirk: it was at the top for easiest, but a lack of money and lack of disease getting could make the going tough. at the first inn, i got a slime mold: it has 5% chance of giving a disease. i thought hmm... i never got a disease from this thing though. oh well theres no more food so eat up occultist. (he gets a disease) :)! and i had an hospital scouted right away, so this one was easy peasy

defeat a lair boss (killing blow) with the bounty hunter: his poster also showed up right away, so i replaced him with the jester and went.... to the tangle. yeahp. was actually very easy because i took zero chances: everyone either buff up teammates, attack the roots or move around. bh is the only one damaging the general (save a starting move or two from highwayman/occultist). surprised very few people have this one, but id bet its hard to unlock naturally.

defeat 3 lair bosses in one run: i was aiming for this one too but then i realized the first confession only gives me two regions. oops.

hero shrines: wip. currently trying to finish alhazreds. otherwise my team is *my* usual suspects (V, J, HWM, FreeSpace).

party wipe to all confession bosses: wip. im with the lungs denial again atm but still at the start of the run because i wasnt able to touch the game since.

i guess im sharing because being able to do all this in rapid fire succession was good rng and luck and made me feel happy. made me feel like the guy smiling with its hands on its knees. AND it has the jester outfit on. imperative. hold on let me get it

^ i named this image silly.png

here's my list, easiest to hardest (to MEEEE):

i have (x?) next to some inn names because im not sure if ive already been there or not, since the images/names sounded familiar when looking them up. but this one is not something i can control (and am also surprised i havent unlocked it during mainline gameplay, guessing i got many repeats- they might have rarity variables that i currently have no idea if they can be influenced or not) so its play until it unlocks. i like to keep 'missing' lists just because

i dont have a shamblino (shambler + bambino, hope you like it) equipped in my current run because i didnt want to make things unnecessarily harder when going for the other ones, so that one will have to wait until all my heroes get breathed on too hard by resentment. pass their turns to death. its actually a bigger effort to die to denial than it is killing it jesus

thats all i guess. have a good week everyone

[kanside]

sentimental things

feel free not to read, this little entry is kindof a bummer

my grandma and grandpa on my moms side, my oma and opa on my dads side.

i try to think of the gifts they gave to me beyond money, physical items.

ill be blunt, i dont know any of them well. my grandpa is a bit creepy, missing a chunk of his brain, a classic narcissist, perhaps one of the only people i consider a lost cause. i still wish i had a grandpa though. of the few times i remember seeing his bashed in creepy face, his eyes always seemed sweet. despite the horror stories ive always been told about his actions and failures as a parent and grandparent.

i havent seen any of my grandparents on either side in a long time.

my grandma has cancer bummer i tried reaching out to her, she never understood me being trans but always respected it. we simply never got to talk much.

i couldnt hold a conversation with her. even now she ghosts my mom about her condition. i dont think she'll make it long. i dont know how to feel about that lol

ive never had to deal with the concept of grief before. ive tried talking about it, but nobody really understands. i got lucky, i guess. the only grief i knew was people willingly leaving me due to my own bad actions. i never knew anyone i loved or wanted to love who was torn away by death. i had a dog once, her name was chewie. but i was too young to understand the connection i couldve formed with her. she didnt like living with us, so we gave her to grandma and grandpa and she lived and died with them. i didnt grieve. i felt bad, i worried for my sibling's grief, but i didnt experience what everyone calls grief. i just moved on, cus i hadnt had anything else to do.

i dont understand grief, i dont understand what it feels like and i dont understand how to cope with it. i dont understand how to support people going through grief. and i dont know how i feel about my grandmother dying. because she is, and i wish she wasnt, but she's a smoker and my parents are smokers and we all know that at a certain point when you smoke too much you either get cancer or you dont, and once you have cancer theres no getting rid of it for good, i think.

i dont know if what im experiencing is a sort of grief, or perhaps my body warning me. saying "hey. your mom is grieving. shes going to grieve more. thats her mother dying, thats your mother's mother you never got a chance to understand in your adulthood and befriend. that's a person in the wrong place at the wrong time. surrounded by the wrong people and down the wrong path. yet she kept trying her best and supporting the best she could, even though your mother says she didnt do enough."

maybe its missing out. jealousy maybe? thats a little fucked up lol. i just want to understand. i just want to be prepared, because i know death and grief comes to everyone, and i dont have room to be unprepared for such a thing.

im a little off track

recently (well actually not recently, my time streams a little fucked. im not remembering in the right order. it was actually a long time ago i think. earlier this year) my mom went a trip. she brought me back a few trinkets, a few amethyst necklaces she picked up from some street shop. i dont like jewlery, it feels suffocating. it feels unnatural and weird.

but my perception changed. i really like when that happens. i really like my brain accepting new things. i began wearing the necklace nonstop. i tricked my own anxiety, i said "this necklace is a barrier, it is protection. i wear this and it channels the love of my own mother. it is a shield." the only time i didnt wear it was when i showered. i think i even wore it at the amusement park, but i dont remember. i stopped having dreams. i still dont know how to feel about that. i like dreams, but i also dont like them. they were becoming disruptive, distracting. now i could control when i had them. i could control how strong they were. at first they were intense and overbearing, but the longer i wore the necklace the more they subsided.

but i wasnt getting good sleep, at least not recently. i suppose i got overwhelmed with the feeling, irritated. now i take the necklace off at night and i dream. not much makes sense in my dreams, but i started doing therapy again, so i suppose it cant hurt to get lost in my head now and then.

im off track again

gifts

when i was really really little, i assume, too little to remember. my oma would make little gifts. a part of me likes it a lot more than money, but i know that physical things are too precious and too short lived, and they always end up collecting dust in my closet because i have no space in my room and my mind to have them.

she liked to sew little things together. i have a pillowcase with my deadname on it, its pink and cute. its started to fall apart

there are holes and rips in it. it is tearing to bits. but i have three pillows, and third pillow on the top right under my head must have oma's pillowcase. i dont know if its the unwillingness to let things go, even temporarily, but i still want to sleep with it even if it needs repairs or is unsalvagable.

my mom said "if its so sentimental then just store it away, we have more pillowcases" i responded, in another room by myself, when i thought up a better thing to say: "when you dont have people in your life, sentimental things mean more."

i dont know if thats the right way to word it. i dont have a good memory, i lose people regularly. not to death, but to time. to mistakes and growth and moving on. there are images of people in my closet from early days in school that i just know meant so much to me, but i dont know their names. i dont remember their voices. i dont know what they meant to me. i cant even grieve. the weight on my heart is not sadness, but a sort of confusion? like wonder, maybe. "i wonder what we were. i wonder what we could've been."

well, its whatever. life moves on. i will continue to dream and get lost in my thoughts. i will continue to fantasize about an unlikely future where i build a nice little cob house on a family farm and live off of the land that is totally not dying by man's hand. i will avoid the definition of feelings i do not understand, like grief, and wait until i learn the hard way. the hard way is the only way i've ever willingly learned, after all.

[writingtomynanny]

Good evening nanny, its been quite a while since i came here to speak to you last. Im usually sitting at your grave, i visit you quite often which you know. You already know all im about to say, but unfortunately beautiful, me and cody have broken up. Its not what i wanted at all, but you always told me to put my mental health first and i just had too. My heart is broken, still till this day and were in January now. My heart is broken. I know its for the best and i know i need too, im healing myself and im working on myself, but it just hurts nanny. I always wanted it to be us. But too be honest, us wasnt really us without you. You made up so much of our bond and helped us. Losing you we just lost ourselves also. But you know nanny, i never wish him any ill or pain. I wish him nothing but the best, the healing he needs and all the love in the world that he deserves. He will forever have the biggest space in my heart, but we just cant be together. I know you understand, i know you know its for the best regardless of the pain im feeling, cant speak for him. I miss the life we all had together, the good times. The bad times were bad, but the good times were so good. I miss you so much, i think of you every single day. I got in a really dark place for a while there nan, I was crying every night, i was taking a few too many valium, crying on the floor while begging for you to be here. I went to bed quite out of it a few times, the days were hard but the nights were even harder. I would cry for hours, one time i reached out and called a work friend and just cried to her. I was a few valium deep and also took an antihistamine, i wasnt myself. I havent been taking valium since, i felt like i couldnt have a night without them for a bit there. Ive been holding in my tears lately also. I broke down every night and now i hold off as much as i can, I balled reading the last few posts to you though. Something you also know, my nana died also. She lived a good life, i got to see her the day before she passed. she looked so peaceful. Im buying a new car this week nanny! I have worked hard the last 5 months and now im going to buy a 20k car outright with money left over. I am working so hard and working on myself, i wish i could show you and drive you around in it, but i know youre watching over me and cheering for me in the clouds. I should be studying right now but i cant focus, i just needed to talk to you. Ive had a few dreams about you, the other night i heard you screaming and i ran so fast to you, knowing you werent here anymore but i still ran to you, my heart hurt. I also had bad dreams about cody, it hurts my heart thinking about him moving on but i also know he deserves love. I hope with whatever hes doing, hes happy. i was messaging his old facebook at the start to feel like it was still normal and that we hadnt broken up. But then i just couldnt anymore. I have to catch myself thinking about him and stop. It doesnt work because hes on my mind 24/7 I have him blocked on eveything because i cant see him, or risk seeing his name anywhere. He unblocked me on facebook and tiktok, i dont know why as he never reached out but i had to make the decision to block him as i was obssessing over the idea of him reaching out and he never did. So i had too. I dont even know what i want, i just know for now and the forseeable future its just me. I aint entertaining anything, im just doing me and i dont want anything anyway. I am woman enough to know im too hurt, im not healed and i need to sort out my trauma/trauma bonding and bad coping mechanisms before even thinking about talking or entertaining anything. Im just not the same nanny, Its me time! Im going to wrap this up anyway beautiful. Sorry it was full of random shit about me and cody. Its good to come back too and see how i felt at one point in time though, Ill see you soon beautiful, you know i always pop down to your grave, sometimes multiple times a week./

I love you nanny, YNWA

[yellowbentley]

dont read this im not 15 anymore i shouldnt be doing this

my fucking god the guy i like makes me want to tear my hair out. we hung out on saturday n the feelings are reciprocated so we cuddled and kissed alot. aloooooooot and i was over the moon with that but i swear every 10 fucking minutes he was asking to touch my boobs. im not exagerating. he kept saying he wouldnt do anything i dont want to do and im sure he wouldnt hurt me anyway but dude still. what part of im not interested in that dont you understand

not even just that but a few times he was on top of me and he pinned my wrists above my head which i didnt really want already and ALSO he put a hand on my throat not squeezing but still there and i REALLY didnt want that this is the least of my concerns here. i didnt think he had it in him honestly hes the dorkiest looking motherfucker. i could snap him in half. anyway.

hes so painfully my type i want to scream. he has it all. why did i give him my number why did i let us be friends im ace why does my type have to include having a dirty mind. i hate it here

we couldnt find the tv remote at one point n he reached between my legs and told me to take it out n ive told him to stop making gross jokes where im the focus ive told him im uncomfortable and hes not funny and he doesnt care I KNOW ITS A RED FLAG I KNOW I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW OKAY but every single other fucking thing about him is so fckng endearing. hes gorgeous. hes a genius. he likes anime and spiderman. his laugh lights up a room. when he talks in hindi i cant stop myself from smiling. he bought me pocky. he sleeps on an air mattress. ive never seen him in anything other then a turtle neck. he likes fruity smelling soaps and candles, its the only luxury he allows himself. he has the coolest fucking glasses.

yesterday he asked if we could put a name to this, i couldnt get the right words out and ask him to be my boyfriend properly, half because im easily flustered because I Dont Do This amd half because i dont want him to be. im a coward and i run from my problems so last night after chewing on it for 2 hours i texted him saying basically that i really wanted to date and be official because i like his dumb ass but i also know we arent compatible and its better we stay as friends. which sucks. im a coward and deleted snap immediately after so i havent seen if he said anything. i missed talking to him today. i got used to texting him all day so fast. i miss good morning and good night texts. last time we didnt talk for a day he tried other methods and asked if i was ok n if it was his fault and like it is but it isnt dude its complicated i hate myself i hate myself soooooooooo bad. did i mention this was the day after he saw me kinda cry out of frustration and sadness and he said it was one of the worst things hes ever seen/felt 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

he already said that if we dated it wouldnt be forever. he wants to fuck eventually and he wants it to mean something and not be with a hooker (i dont know if ive said this but if i dated someone i'd be fine w them getting a lady for the night LMFAO) which is fine! hes a cishet guy thats his right to want. im just so mad because now we've kissed and we've made out and i remember what cuddles are like and im SO MAD. this is the most ive felt towards anyone in the 3+ years and i cant have it because of my stupid sexuality. i wish i had said no to hanging out. i wish i had self restraint. i wish i hadnt hugged him. if he asks to hang out again im gonna say no. i want to show off my books and coins and wrap ourselves in blankets hes so fucking warm-

god damnit. God Fucking Damnit im not a teenager anymore.

im not ashamed of being ace or whatever im proud of it I Am Just Me im just a person but god it makes me mad sometimes because ive missed out on people ive wanted before and i will again and to be entirely fucking honest i dont know if i ever will. i dont think its even worth it. the older i get the harder it will be to say im not interested because people will assume im either waiting til marriage or im a prude and it will be more common place because everything is only ever sex sex sex and im tired of it man.

im like 99% sure he told me to stop texting him because he wasjacking it yesterday. ye gods.

tldr im so mad i like him so much and i cant have him.

im going to fucking bed

[cynettic]

hi, i hope i'm not bothering you, but i can order a Scaramouche × Kitsune reader, the two met before the vision hunt (and before he was a fatui if you want) the reader was always in the same place, sometimes having a conversation , the good old routine, but with the hunting of visions the reader disappeared not wanting to give up his own vision, and years later a reunion, SFW or NSFW is by your will, thank you, I really admire your work

Summary - Scaramouche met you as a child, growing up with the constant assurance that you would be right there, sitting at your spot where he could meet you with every visit. He isn't happy when you suddenly disappear.

Pairing - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warning - Slight Yandere warnings?

Penpal - Ahhh- hope this is what you were looking for. I couldn't find a spot to put much nsfw unless I considered writing more for the series ( I could, just put a request in if thats what you’re looking for ). But I hope you liked it!! You're not bothering me at all and I'm glad you like my work!

A/N - Alright- so considering that with the 2.1 update with Scaramouche coming in, I just wanna state beforehand that I wrote this prior so I dont know if we learn about his backstory or anything!!

Link for Part 2

Stay With Me

Scaramouche was used to the routine he’d found himself going along with every visit to Inazuma. As a child he’d pass through the wild fields that stretched just beside his hometown, adventurous and curious with all the tenacity of a child.

And of course you, a kitsune that sat perched on the ground awaiting the Kitsune Saiguu, was bound to notice him. Unlike the other earth kitsune statues, you hadnt turned to stone during your wait. Instead, staying in the same place did you interact with travellers and the locals, which included Scaramouche.

“Fox person!” The little boy chanted, pulling at the hems of your clothing. Bright blue eyes bore into your own, and you slowly shifted your head to pay attention to the boy who was on the verge of bouncing on you.

Humming in reply to his excitement, the little boy paused, both of his small hands still tightly clasping the fabric of your clothes. Soft matted hair brushed past his face in a messy manner, calling out the boy for his boundless running and rebellious urge to keep his hair messy despite his parents wishes.

“Play with me!”

Staring at the boy only a moment longer, you simply chuckled at his antics. “I’m afraid I cannot move from the spot in which I dwell~ Perhaps I’ll be able to entertain you if you bring cards?”

But the young boy had made up his mind at the statement to which you couldn't move. A pitiful frown enfluged his face as he cast you the nastiest glare a five year old could muster. “Boring!” He shouted into the distance of the fields, dramatically turning on his heels and bouncing up into a sprint away. You watched his small figure fade away into the background, absentmindedly sighing and returning to your mindless thoughts.

As a child, Scaramouche would pass by you fairly often. Frequent when he asked you to play with him, and storming away with the same expression when you denied him. Nothing out of the ordinary, you’d lived for an exceptional amount of time, and even though grumpy children were not your specialty, you’d grown accustomed to their behaviour.

Growing up, Scaramouche got no better. You soon noticed his violent tendencies before they became an issue, the way the children shied away from him when playing Temari. Hiding in front of a tough exterior, he scared them away and laughed, approaching you later with tearful sob.

“Will you play with me?” He asked again, trying to hide the fact that he still wept when the other children pushed him away.

But your answer stayed the same, helping him wipe his tears and coaxing him into your arms. Not the first time you’d made contact with a human, but the first time you held them in such an affectionate manner.

It was clear Scaramouche was beginning to see you as some sort of pillar of reassurance when he began running away from home to simply ask to be held. You always welcomed him with open arms, urging him to head back to his household and sort things out. There was no harm in simply providing love and comfort for a child who received none was there?

“Now now, hurry back home little one. Your parents must be growing awfully worried if you’re out by this time at night.”

“My parents dont care about me!”

Darkness slowly pooled into the fields, an obscure shade covering the two of you from the tree you were under. Biting back form your normal emotionless statements, you pondered for something to soothe and convince the boy. Misunderstandings and hardships were normal from what youd seen with children, and you could only offer your hand on his shoulder, a promise. “Go back, I promise to stay here if anything further happens. But you shold give them another chance dont you think?”

And so he’d sprint back to his hometown, and you wouldnt hear from him again till he ran up right up to you a few days later. Begging you to play a game with him. The normal you supposed, and with a grin that seemed to stretch wider with every day, you told him the same thing you told him every single time.

“You cant move?!” Scaramouche nearly yelled one time, tiny fists curling at his side. “Thats… thats stupid!”

“It is isnt it?” You only smiled in response.

Unsatisfied with your response, he clawed your arm, pulling you with all his might. Strong, you realized with surprise that he was much stronger than most children his age. Easy enough to tug away from, but strong enough to take you off guard.

Snapping your hand back to your side, you narrowed your eyes. You weren't angry… no, you hadnt felt strong feelings like that after the disappearance of the Kitsune Saiguu. “Do not attempt to move me,” was your curt response, said in the most stern voice you’d used with the boy.

He’d looked at you only a few seconds longer before bursting into tears, turning away and running. You didn't feel regretful for defending yourself, only turning once more with a tired sigh to stare at the distance.

But just as you stayed ageless, Scaramouche grew older. Still, crossing each others pass was inevitable when you sat in the plains, just alongside the path that lead to his hometown.

With a permanent scowl that seemed to stain his face, he still seemed to have mature a tad bit. Maybe hadnt improved in the social department, because he now scared children and adults and alike, but more mature…

“Hm? Whats this?”

Once again, sitting criss cross under the large tree that provided the perfect shade on sunny days, you stared at the boy expectantly. His hands hesitated at your question, but he resumed shuffling. “Cards,” he simply said in response.

A small featherlike feeling flitted across your chest, making you feel lighter and… almost ticklish. A small smile crossed your face, and you recognized the emotion to be one of adoration. For him to have remembered words you’d spoken years ago, it gave you a warmth you’d sorely missed. A warmth akin to watching him and the other children grow up.

“Ew, dont smile like that, its creepy.”

Swatting at his head, he frowned further when you laughed. “You’re more mature,” you pointed out, lazily leaning back. “You need to work on your people skills though, as someone who hasnt moved in years, thats pitiful that I know more than you.”

“Shut it!”

But as he grew up, you hardly got to see much of him. He’d reached your height and then fully disappeared, leaving no goodbye. And much as you hated to admit it, you hardly noticed, not when days passed in a flurry. You were used to being by yourself, entertaining the kids and greeting the people that passed by.

Sometimes, there’d be the reminder of the warmth he’d given you. But it was quickly overshadowed by your duty to remain seated in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. A dedication kept in its earnest, but beginning to dwindle.

Inazuma was beginning to change.

“The vision decree…” you repeated, staring at the traveller who’d mentioned it to you. “Care to elaborate?”

The new archon threatenening to take away visions from every inhabitant of Inazuma. It was preposterous, so much that you didnt move. Your vision meant the world to you, but so did the Kitsune Saiguu. You werent sure just how you weighed the two till you saw civilians passing by you, ones you recognized, ones that didnt recognize themselves.

It was snowing, cold snowflakes melting into your skin while your hair soaked in the water. Unflinching, you hummed to a little tune, awaiting someone to pass you so that you could attempt to strike a conversation of somesort. The unnatural weather distanced all who entered the field though, and you simply waited. For the Kitsune Saiguu, for someone, or for some form of entertainment, you didnt know. You Slowly closing your eyes, you decided not to care.

“Im gone for five years and you’re still sitting here like a dumbass.”

Eyes snapping open, you find yourself face to face with a complete stranger. Dark purple hair with dark blue eyes, piercing and dangerous in a way you dont recognize at all. Fancy clothing that you cant identify or put a name on.

The boy took a step towards you, crouching down to stare at you directly. His eyes scanned over your figure briefly, and he brushed the snow out of your hair and ears with one flick of his hand. In the next, he was offering a coat to you. “Take it, you’re probably getting cold.”

You leaned forward, ignoring the coat he offered you. Gently, you raised your hand to brush the hair from his eyes, centred on the way his pupils widened. Offering a small moment of surprise and one glimpse into the small childlike blue eyed wonder he was. “Kiddo,” you breathed, pulling your hand back and scanning him once again. “You’ve grown.”

“And you havent.”

Snickering at his comment, you took the coat. You didnt need it, but he looked like he didnt either. He was already wearing clothing that kept him warm, and with careful observation and an untouched coat, you settled on the fact that he’d brought it here. Brought the coat here for you.

“Still havent improved with those social skills of yours have you?”

He scoffed, letting himself fall back till he was sitting fully. “I dont want to hear it from someone who refuses to move an inch for years. Lazy ass.”

You open your mouth to retort, but instead laugh at his comment, shaking your head. “Gained some humour on your journeys have you? Bad words too it seems. Anyways...” He had sat down, which meant that he meant fully well to sit, chat, and catch up. That familiar warmth filled your chest, a contrast between the cold snow. “Welcome back.”

It wasnt often that Scaramouche visited Inazuma, but when he did, he was sure to visit you. The two of you would sit down for hours, talking about the most trivial topics. He never mentioned what he did in his time away, and you never asked.

But things began to go downhill when news of the vision decree finally took action.

“Its no joke anymore! The Raiden Shogun has taken custody of almost a hundred visions!”

In that moment you made your decision, weighing your vision over the Kitsune Saiguu. Awfully selfish you knew, but you’d spent decades sitting there in wait.

And for the first time you sat up from your position on the ground, clumsily stumbling upright but gaining balance. It takes a few steps until you’re back to normal, and you begin your journey in order to escape the Raiden Shogun’s vision hunt decree.

_-_-_-_

You didnt expect to see him again.

Long grass tickled at the skin of your legs, making you adjust your footing to no avail. Sun slowly descending past the mountains to mark the start of an evening and the soon approaching night. A normal day of exploring the mountains and islands of Inazuma, observing the constant changing situation, and running away from the vision decree like a favourite past-time.

With the exception of a firm grip on your wrist.

Dark purple like hair, same hate brimmed eyes and lavish clothing. You recognized Scaramouche the moment he had appeared, looking just as surprised as you were. That being before he snatched your wrist and snarled, “You.”

You wouldve considered it pure luck to find him, an unexpected reunion with someone you actually remembered. But no, his tone had some predatorial edge to it that had you cringing. Hard. “Yes, its me.” You answered back with a frown, trying to loosen his hold. “Nice to see you too, is something the matter?”

He only seemed confused at your words, pulling you closer.

“Something the matter?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, to start, you’re not sitting at your damn spot.”

Taken aback for a moment, you wondered if that sole fact was what drove the boy to such lengths. Surely he couldn't be so troubled over the fact that you moved… “The vision hunt decree, I'm sure I mentioned that I was sticking around in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. I decided to wander around and avoid the conflict until I could settle back.”

“You could’ve waited for me,” he stated almost instantly. “I could have protected you.”

You felt your brows furrow quizzically. “Wait for you? Why in the world would I-”

“Why wouldn't I?” He pushed you closer till he could fully grab both wrists, taking a step closer as if his words would resonate clearer in your head. “You took care of me as a child, it would only be fair for me to repay the favour.” But he only seemed to be looking for excuses. “And besides, you can't just up and leave… I didn't know.”

Before you could interject with the obvious answer that he didn't need to know, you stopped. You’d lived decades, nearly centuries if you’d kept count, and you had learned to read people's expressions even when you’d stayed away from them for so long. He didn't know. It hit you in the most unpleasant way that he wasn't aware that it was none of his concern. To him, you were just another thing he needed to keep track of, something he had control over. His face basically screamed, ‘I depended on you to stay in that place.’

Deep breath in and out. You’d lived long, longer than him, you could deal with a child throwing a tantrum.

“Don't worry,” you gestured to the vision ta your side. “I'm strong enough to protect myself, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be back when the vision decree ends.”

Unconvinced, he pulled you closer, just until your faces were mere inches away from each other. “No,” he said in a stern voice. “I’d rather you by my side, where I can protect you. I hate to question what you’re capable of, but you’ve been sitting down for as long as I’ve known you for.”

“I’ve lived decades more than you,” a simple reply, hopefully enough to get by him. You snatched your hands back with ease, ears flinching slightly when a cold breeze swept past you. But you stayed firm, not wanting to look vulnerable against the imposing air he had around him.

Still unconvinced. “You’re coming with me.”

“No I’m not.”

You’d known him as a kid, watched him grow up along with all the other small ones in his hometown. And maybe you admit you cared a smudge bit about the warmth he gave you when settling down to play cards, but he was different. He had changed in the worst way and you weren't about to deal with it.

“So you’re not coming with me voluntarily?” He asked softly, taking a small step to which you responded by stepping back. He had his hands up, as if telling you he wouldn't hurt you. But the way he said voluntarily sent shivers up your spine.

“No.” Hand on your vision, you held your own hand up threateningly.

He took his time when tilting his head, taking a deep breath in, and then appearing in front of you in just a short stride. Too quick to react, you hesitated before you could attack him. You didn't want to hurt him, he was still a child in your eyes, and you paid the consequences for that. He slid his hand just along your neck, and a jolt of electricity seemed to thrum inside you just as you collapsed in his arms.

Scaramouche was quick to catch you, hoisting you up into his arms dearly. “I do hope you’ll come to understand,” he said softly, cradling your unconscious form in his arms. Making sure not to crush your tail when carrying your legs, he looked past the mountains, sigh resting on his lips.

Because Scaramouche liked to have control of the things he held dear. Like keeping all your valuables neat and tidy in a closet, he was happy knowing you were safe and stable in that spot you always sat on.

And he couldn't have you moving could he?

[corabbit]

:)

A Tiny Burger

—————————

CW: SAFE VORE

Notes: I really didn’t intend for this to be so long but it just kept going. Have some beeduo angsty noms for a treat, I hope y’all like it!

—————————

“Quackity have you seen Tubbo?”

Immediately, the shorter man’s head shot up. His hands that had previously been tinkering with a few stray wires on a slot machine came to halt. His one working eye flashed with fear and worry before settling to a more neutral disposition.

Quackity’s distrust was just another warning. Ranboo knew he wasn’t supposed to be here.

Wilbur would kill him if he knew he had visited Las Nevadas without permission, but he couldn’t shake the worry that had been building up in him for days.

He hadn’t seen Tubbo for a whole week.

He knew they had been having their issues, but at the end of the day they always went back home together. Even though they worked on opposite sides they were still family…or at least Ranboo had thought so.

“No he hasn’t clocked in yet,” Quackity glared, clapping his hands together to get rid of the thin layer of black dust “What’s it to you?”

“Oh… nothing,” he sighed, his tail curling anxiously around his leg, “Just hadnt seen him around lately.”

For a split second Quackity eyes studied him suspiciously, searching for any mistruths. Ranboo could practically feel his skin crawl under the man’s gaze.

It wasn’t a lie though. At least not entirely.

He was looking for Tubbo. It had been almost a whole week of him being missing. And no matter how hard Ranboo tried he couldn’t remember what might’ve happened. No fight or conversation came to mind when he thought for where Tubbo might have gone.

It was like his husband had just vanished.

“Well,” Quackity cleared his throat, “You should probably leave my country yeah? I shouldn’t even be letting you here in the first place.”

Ranboo nodded sheepishly, hyper-aware of the shining axe strapped to the duck-hybrids back. Memories of sitting on the cookie store’s walls and the conversation about his planned execution flashed through his head.

“Yeah, no worries. I’ll be on my way,” Ranboo placated, “Um- just let me know if you see him okay. Please.”

Quackity stared at him again before letting his head fall to his chest with a scoff. The tips of his wings twitched in amusement before he turned back to his work.

“Say hi to Wilbur for me yeah.”

Ranboo nodded quickly before almost tripping on his own feet. The nervousness flooding his whole body made him feel like he was vibrating.

He had no idea where else to look for his husband.

He’d asked almost everyone, and no one had seen any signs of the tiny. Not even Tommy had seen him to Ranboo’s dismay. He knew he was probably fine, if anything they probably got into an argument he forgot about. Maybe he said something bad enough to make Tubbo finally leave him.

The thought made him cringe, but it was better than the other alternatives. He didn’t even want to consider if Tubbo had been injured. The tiny was already too careless especially with only one life left.

Ranboo’s thought finally stopped spinning once the burger van came into view. It stood proudly along the tree line bordering Las Nevadas, and smoke from the grills puckered out from the windows like steam. Even from so far he could smell the savoury scent of the burgers.

“Ranboo!” a loud voice called out, “What are you doing man?”

Immediately the enderman’s head snapped towards the sound of the voice, catching on the brown mop of hair peaking out of one of the van’s windows. The wind blew it across his face but even so he would know the man anywhere.

“Hey Wilbur,” he sighed as he jogged over to the van, “Sorry I’m late.”

“No fucking shit,” Wilbur glared, the cigarette between his fingers pointing straight at the enderman, “Where’ve you been. We’ve got a fucking business to run if you haven’t forgotten.”

Ranboo stuttered to find a response as he pulled himself through the van’s doorway. It was fairly clean even though he hadn’t been in in a few days much to his surprise; Wilbur was never one for cleaning.

“I- no no I didn’t,” Ranboo bent down to stand next to the human; the roof just barely scratched the top of his horns, “Just Uh, looking for something.”

Wilbur tilted his head in curiosity, “What kinda thing?”

“Uh well, not a thing per say,” he scrambled, “Just Uh…I don’t know, probably stupid, but have you seen Tubbo at all recently?”

At that Wilbur’s hands froze; his spatula still laying underneath a patty that needed to be flipped. And even though it was a simple question Ranboo couldn’t help but feel like he’d done something wrong. It was almost like he could see the discomfort emanating from the older man.

“No,” Wilbur frowned, “Havent seen him in a while…Did something happen?”

Ranboo’s fingers tapped against one of the counters nervously, “No, well maybe. Its like he just vanished.”

Wilbur’s hand brushed back through his hair as he put down his spatula on the counter. With his stern face Ranboo could clearly see the hints of Tommy’s expressions. It was easy to forget the two were brothers sometimes.

“Well, when was the last time you saw him?” Wilbur shrugged.

“I don’t know like…a week ago? Maybe more?” Ranboo’s eyes squinted in frustration, “The last time I remember was when you invited him.”

Wilbur froze and turned to Ranboo with a quirked lip, “That was the last time?”

“Yeah, why?” Ranboo frowned, “Whats wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” Wilbur hesitated, his attention flitting back towards the burgers on the grill, “Just thought you’d see him before that.”

Ranboo frowned and stepped closer to the shorter man.

“What do you mean by that?” he scowled.

“Huh?” Wilbur shrugged nonchalantly, “Just that I think that’s weird. You’re close and all.”

Wilbur turned back to the burgers but before he could flip them Ranboo’s hand shot out to grab his coat sleeve.

“Why’s it weird?” Ranboo growled, finally allowing himself to reach his whole height.

Even though he was so much younger he could tell it made Wilbur uncomfortable. As much as the revolutionary pretended he was above everyone he was scared. Ranboo knew how scared he was.

The man had seen death and had no wishes to go back.

“Well,” Wilbur shrugged with a familiar air of fake confidence, “I just played a little prank. Just kinda thought you’d have figured it out already.”

The thudding of Ranboo’s chest felt so loud he was sure Wilbur could hear it. And with every breath the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong made him dizzy.

“Will, what did you do?”

Wilbur laughed nervously, tilting his head to the side. His hands immediately sought out the comfort of his pockets.

“Well, just wanted to study a bit of your enderman biology yaknow?” Wilbur said nonchalantly, “Thought the idea of a second stomach was cool, wanted to see if you had one too.”

The moment the words left the older man’s lips Ranboo felt sickness swirl up in his chest. He tried to hide it by standing up taller, but he was sure Wilbur had already seen the disgust on his face.

“What do you mean?” Ranboo’s eyes narrowed.

Wilbur shrugged again, before a sick grin twisted his face, “Wanted to see if you could keep something alive in there. And Tubbo did say he wanted me to ‘make him a burger’.”

Ranboo was sure he must have been dreaming. It had to be a nightmare or some joke. His brain couldn’t even process the information- every thought stopping before they could reach their dreaded conclusion.

“You,” Ranboo stuttered, “You what?”

“You heard me Ranboo,” Wilbur waved his hand lazily, “You’re not stupid are you?”

The harsh words felt like a slap to his face, and all of a sudden the meaning of it crashed down on him like a wave. He almost wished it was so he wouldn’t have to think about what Wilbur- no, what he had done.

He barely processed as he ran out of the van; Wilbur’s laughter echoed in his eardrums. His feet dug into the muddy ground, still wet from the morning rain, but he just kept running. Even as the wet dirt burned into his skin.

It was only when the bubbling sounds of water hit his ears that his legs slowed.

He had no idea where he was.

He couldnt see the van anymore, or any landmark. There were just endless trees and a lazy blue stream racing through the woods.

Ranboo wheezed out an inhuman sound as his legs collapsed near the riverbank. Everything felt like it was too much. Part of him wanted to throw himself into the river so his enderwalk state could take over. At least then he wouldn’t have to think about what he’d done.

As his eyes stared daggers into the water all he could focus on was the small weight in his stomach that had become more and more obvious.

How had he not noticed?

“Tubbo I’m sorry,” he whispered painfully.

Carefully he pushed his palm against his stomach until he could just barely feel something solid behind his skin. Cursing himself under his breath he focused all his attention on the small boy tucked away in his gut.

He’d been there for too long

He’d swallowed Tubbo only once before, and it had been a mistake while he was enderwalking. He’d apologized profusely, but still Tubbo avoided his touch for almost a week. The enderman couldn’t even walk into their shared room without the tiny’s head shooting up in fear.

It was safe of course, like Wilbur had mentioned he did have a second stomach, but it didn’t help ease the fear that Tubbo had.

The idea that he had kept him there for almost a week made him want to curl up and disappear.

“Hey I’m going to get you out,” he whimpered, hoping for any response, “I’m so sorry.”

He tried to calm his breaths before focusing on the lump in his stomach. The stillness of it made fear curl up in his throat, but he had to get him out. He could worry about that later.

He coughed a couple times before he felt the weight rise to his throat. His throat tightened around it, and within seconds Tubbo’s tiny figure fell out onto his palm.

“Tubbo oh god,” he panicked, “God I’m so sorry please be okay.”

But the tiny didn’t move. He laid still in his hand almost like a doll, and he looked far too pale for Ranboo’s liking. His husband had never felt so small in his hands.

“Please Tubbo,” he frowned, carefully pressing ear against the tiny’s chest.

For a few terrible moments he couldn’t hear anything before a weak breath escaped the boy.

His instincts chirped in relief as he focused in on the tiny’s breathing. He still didn’t move, but he could slowly feel his husband’s body warm up under his touch.

Tubbo was still alive.

And even if he would probably hate him, Ranboo could live with that. As long as Tubbo was safe, he would find a way to move on.

[maschotch]

Reid and Garcia haven't had that "dad is a person? moment" yet and it shows. They know he was hurt but its a flesh wound and they don't really get that he is messed up in the mind. Where as Derek, who is always quicker to challenge Hotch, is questioning his psych eval. I love it. Derek was also the one who drove Hotch back to DC after the car bomb so he definitely had that moment already. If it wasn't before that road trip it was during.

honestlyyyyy i really love their relationships with him. they love each other—they all do—but loving isnt the same as understanding (but it does beg the question: do they love him for who he is or for who they think he is). they have this blind spot when it comes to certain aspects of hotch’s life, certain aspects of his humanity. he’s an unyielding force in their minds, a pillar of strength. it doesnt occur to them that anything could jeopardize that.. i think they all reach that revelation in their own time—if they do at all— but foyet’s attack is that reality check.

when spencer dreams of foyet who says “hotch was never the same… so none of you were ever the same…” or whatever he fucking says.. it was so real. i dont think hotch changed that much actually akhdksh which is kinda ridiculous but he’s just been through so much already?? but he didnt really change, he just doubled down on certain traits, like his protectiveness. what really changed was the way the rest of them viewed him. i dont think anyone really bothered to think of him as vulnerable. he’s just such a stable presence in their lives that they took it for granted. after foyet’s attack, that illusion shattered.

this is it for reid and garcia!! we’re seeing their assumptions challenged in real time!! they have a moment where they have to admit their leader isnt as infallible as they once thought. they’ve relied on his enduring presence for their own emotional balance.. even if they dont go to him directly for that kind of help, just knowing that he’s still here and there’s still work to be done is enough to lead on when they have nothing else. (and we do see hotch having his moments with spencer and penelope, like elephants memory and house on fire.) they just… cant imagine that going away. they havent thought of him as being so… human. but even after foyet, even if they’re still aware of it in the back of their minds, they sorta just go back to normal?? garcia calls him “sir” still and reid sometimes forgets that hotch has had similar experiences to him. they go back to how they were before, only reminded of his wholeness during emotional moments (like hit and run or the replicator)

morgan i think hit this moment a little sooner tho. form him i think it was when he heard his screams after the explosion in new york. sure he wasnt hurt too badly—not visibly anyway. but he was afraid and desperate: two things morgan hadnt ever associated with hotch before. like… he’s been defensive of hotch in the past, but still knows that hotch has been perfectly capable of handling himself. this is the first time that hes really had to feel protective of hotch.. viewed hotch as someone with weaknesses, someone who may not be able to carry his burdens on his own. i just… dont think he has the best way of showing it. because it does kinda fuck with the hierarchy of the bau dynamic and he’s not sure how to navigate through that boundary. its not as easy as protecting reid or penelope. morgan just kinda settles into challenging hotch and overanalyzing every decision. he’s just trying to make sure he’s mentally sound and ready for what they deal with every day, but its difficult to reflect that with an authority figure. he’s still gentle—of course he’s gentle—but his concern manifests in a different way than he does with the others. theres that barrier in his mind that he cant quite get past.

jj.. im not sure jj ever reaches a point of understanding with hotch. and i think thats because she thinks she already sees all of him? and he is more openly emotional with her than he may be with the others, so she feels like she never had that illusion to begin with. she’s a teacher’s pet: she thinks bc the teacher confides in her about some things that she knows everything about him. its that extra insight that makes her even more blind to the rest, to the parts he’s not sharing. but she thinks she knows it all and her perception of him never really changes.

emily meanwhile never had that illusion to begin with. they had such an antagonistic beginning that she was already able to see his flaws and imperfections. over time she grew to respect him. all of him—even the bad parts. which is why i think its fitting that she’s the one who found him. everyone’s reeling from the earthshattering revelation that their leader could get taken down, but emily’s instead dealing with nearly losing a friend. and i think that makes it easier for her to be around than the others.. he doesnt feel like a disappointment, he doesnt feel pitied, and he can just exist without worrying about how they’re never gonna look at him the same. he breathe a little easier, he can be himself without needing to hold the facade up as high. he can let his guard down

idk they just all get confronted with this challenge to their paradigm. they have to rethink the way they see him and continually remind themselves that he’s not the stoic stolid force he pretends to be. to a different extent they each register that he’s not untouchable. whether or not they accept it, the event shakes the up the team more than it normally would

[tiens-letters]

upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past

zhongli (angst)

@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe

Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.

Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.

Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.

It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.

He felt exhausted. Desultory even.

Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.

Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.

The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.

You.

He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.

Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.

"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.

"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.

"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his

"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him

"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.

After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.

"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him

"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."

"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him

"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"

"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.

"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.

"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.

"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"

"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him

"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."

However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.

"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze

"Thats better."

He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.

Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.

Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.

He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.

Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening

" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of

" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."

"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white

You slapped him.

With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.

"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them

"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips

"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."

To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.

But of course, all things are evanescent.

The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.

"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.

He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.

Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."

To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.

Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.

He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.

The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.

The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.

It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.

"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant

"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."

Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe