#but i will always remember when i saw the dub in theaters and when i took a bathroom break i furiuosly typed GALO CALIFORNIAN?!!?? 2

[matoitech]

still think abt the times ive seen ppl say watch promare! but NOT the dub!!! like damn ok.. rude lol...  californian galo hate for no reason..

[kouginoa]

PSYCHO PASS PROVIDENCE (english dub) Kougami & Akane moments. (SPOILERS)

at the end i added a photo of me in akane cosplay & kou in popcorn hehe 

this is a mess sorry... 

PT.1 [ how i felt, what im feeling, what i understood and what i saw ]

where do i begin, AH, ill start off with saying psycho-pass will forever make me so happy and i will always find comfort in this show. i’m so happy to have heard the english dub cast again. 

[ i want to say, my movie experience was pretty piss poor sadly, and tbh, i could not focus AT ALL on the movie, on what i feel like was 85% of the time. there was someone in the theater that was kinda like live commenting on the movie and it was so annoying and really broke the most emotional parts. after the movie i cried quietly a bit because i really have been waiting a year for it just for it to come out and be ruined by someone who could not shut their mouth.... just a psa: if your going to see a movie, please remember the space you are in ]

this is kinda just a ramble so sorry if it doesn't make sense~ 

the movie was truly amazing and TBH REALLY HELPED ME UNDERSTAND SEASON 3 in regards to not only why Akane was in jail but to better understand Arata & Kei. which i have to say, i have gown a little more fond of Arata and makes me wonder what more he is going to do in hopefully the later movies/ or hopefully seasons 

there was a lot that happen like ginoza’s hair flying in the wind and also kogamis wet hair but yeah ill skip to the part that really made me think a lot and the part that i could not stop thinking about Akane’s note to Kougami, and the very end/ the end of the movie being him saying he will get Akane out.

PT.2 [ Akane & Kougami]

NOW Kougami and Akane. wow, the part of kougami covering her from the bomb... we love to see it. KOUGAMI CARRYING HER BRIDLE STYLE AGAIN. WE LOVE TO SEE IT !!!!!!! god,,, any moment where it was just them two i wanted to cry and scream, i really need to relive the movie again alone because it was super super good and my dumbass has a pea for a brain and felt like if  i was to have any real reaction my brother (who so kindly went with me to the movie) would just look at me. 

but really they broke my heart many many times during this movie, kougami calling akane, trying to work his way to say sorry but ended up just being a smart ass and akane saying that she wishes he just said sorry. I WANTED TO SCREAM. i feel like this film was really eveything we have been wanting to see out of the two... i really feel bad for akane i do, i don’t know how to explain it but i feel like she was really never able to truly able to talk to kou. i mean she did in the elevator and during the phone call,,, but since kou never said sorry i feel like she never got to talk to him and i felt like it was really a lot for her and what all she experienced. 

kougami saying that he lives with out regret makes me feel like is what pushed akane to do what she did, i want to say, i really wanted to cry, REALLY wanted to cry when akane wrote a letter to him, kou calling akane an idiot/fool just like she did during season one, maybe i feel like, just how much it effected akane when kou wrote her a letter it kinda had the same effect on him. akane ending up in jail really gave kougami a new push, a push he hasn't had in a while

PT.3 [Gino, Kou, Akane]

going off of that kougami’s care for akane has grown as we know it’s party the reason why he came back to Japan was a way to see her and see how much shes has changed things for the better good. but Ginoza and Kougami talking about her really was truly sweet. Ginoza adores Akane a lot, and dare i say is kinda like an unsaid older brother. i thought it was really sweet to hear that Gionza wants to protect akane and make sure nothing happens to her. but with that being said... i really cant begin to think what ginoza felt after what akane did. 

poor ginoza really, i have gown really fond of him in the years leading up to now, after really seeing and understanding how much he cares for akane and how much he wants the best out of her, and how much he wants to see her grow. the part where gionza pushes kou against the wall in anger (for akane) really was fun to see. kougami not keeping his word (we knew he wouldn't) of saying out of their hair. ginoza, what a silly man. to think kou wouldnt find his way back home.. 

PT.4 [ ill shut up now <3 ]

to end- the way the movie ended and the way season three ended makes me want to cry,, even right now, as i said before, akane gave kougami a drive that it doesn't seem like he has has for a while now. although he has always felt the need to also take care of akane this time was different, he feels like she got there because of him, so its now party his job to get her out, 

but it makes me think of the end of season three and when kougami went to go and pick her up, that, besides saying that he was there to get her he also said sorry the sorry that akane had been waiting to hear for a while... but anyways... i think this movie really helped us better understand what more akane and kougmi relationship has faced, and also i like to think this all happen and now they are on the same level and have a better understanding of each other. kougami and akane are and have for once meet as equals. 

i think, what Akane did was really really smart, a smart way to show the world what is going on behind closed doors and how the system that japan is ran on is- like what any government system is,,, flawed. but also how the Sibyl System can be a good stepping stool to an EVEN better system but there just has to be some changes . BUT i also like to believe that while the sibyl system is evil and crazy i think it has its benefits, but just needs to be used wisely and more as a (again) steeping stool rather then a latter, point being... i think in this movie thats what i feel like what was being made super clear, that there needs to be room for growth for both the sibyl system and using it as a helping hand rather than relying it to fully judge someone.

i bet none of this made any sense, im writing this at 1:15AM after a con weekend with no glasses on :D , but this was my thoughts and my opinions about the movie unbiased... i have not read what anyone else had said, i didn't want what i was thinking to be affected by anyone else. but i cant wait to read some ! i like many of you, have been waiting for this for a really long time now and tbh am super sad that the  movie experience was not 100% it wasn't only the person saying shit though-out the whole movie but it was also bad on the theater i went to part as well,,, and like i said, i want to cry, i really do, my first time seeing the move was shat on and just have a hard time remembering what happened due to my bean for a brain lol... anywho

if you have any questions regarding the movie PLEASE DROP A QUESTION IN MY ASK BOX !!!! i want to better format my thoughts and i do best with questions hehehe

as promised… me cosplaying akane (wtf face reveal !??) to the movies + kou in the popcorn 🍿

☆ love u all <3 thanks for making this place, a place where i can talk about anything regarding psycho pass, you don’t understand :,)

[world-cinema-research]

My Neighbor Totoro (Tonari no Totoro), 1988

By Rachel Powers

When I was young, my parents would take us to Blockbuster every week to rent movies. My sister and I would scan the aisle of the children’s section to look for our next film adventure. One day in 1994, we came across a VHS case with cover art that drew us in completely, knowing nothing else about it. The movie was My Neighbor Totoro. Once we got home, loaded the movie into the VCR, and pressed play, we were transported into a magical world of nature, exploration, and adorable creatures. My imagination was sparked, and I wanted to crawl through the screen and explore this new world myself.  I wanted to walk through their Japanese home, which looked so different from my suburban American house. I remember trying to figure out the layout of the house, and wishing that I lived somewhere with sliding doors, a giant bathtub, and an endless yard. I imagined running through the tunnel in the bushes and sliding down the tree into Totoro’s den. Something different about this movie was its lack of a villain, unlike the Disney movies we were accustomed to watching at the time. The film focused on the bond between two sisters as they moved into a new house in the countryside, discovering the magic of their new surroundings. My sister and I were very close at this time, and we each identified with the characters in the film. As the oldest child, I was more like Satsuki – responsibly looking after my younger sister, and even scolding or making fun of her at times. My younger sister was so much like Mei. She always tagged along with me and was very stubborn and determined to keep up. Through seeing ourselves in this film, I believed that it had a much greater impact on us than other movies we had seen at the time.

Tonari no Totoro original Japanese poster, 1988. Source: posteritati.com

My Neighbor Totoro VHS Cover, English-language dub, 1994. Source: fandom.com

Originally started as a picture book story, Miyazaki set out to create something different with My Neighbor Totoro. As a story without heroes or superpowers, taking place in an “ordinary” landscape, it took 15 years from idea creation to filming. Miyazaki wanted to portray the beauty of the Japanese landscape that he grew up in, taking place during a time when children played outside and were not consumed with technology or television. Through these techniques, Miyazaki was able to appeal to children’s imaginations, highlighting the magic in the everyday nature around them.

“It was like sending a message to myself as a kid, that Japan is a beautiful country… I wanted the movie to reflect what I saw as a kid. In other words, the village in the movie was how a city kid would view a village.” -Miyazaki on Creating Totoro, youtube.com

My Neighbor Totoro was originally released as Tonari no Totoro in Japan in 1988. It was released simultaneously with Grave of the Fireflies, another Studio Ghibli film, as a double feature. Journalist Rayan Sayyed writes that this double feature release was a precursor to the marketing techniques of “Barbenheimer.”

The double feature release undoubtedly increased sales for both movies, especially because of the different tone between them. While My Neighbor Totoro is whimsical and lighthearted, Grave of the Fireflies is “a harrowing and heartbreaking film about two children who survive the firebombing of Japan during World War II.”

The English-language dub version of My Neighbor Totoro was released in U.S. theaters in 1993. Executives of the English dub version had planned to change the name of Totoro to a more American sounding name, but Miyazaki disagreed with this tactic and ensured that the name Totoro remained. Miyazaki reportedly said, “I could not name him Craig… because I would not want to be named Craig.”

Meanwhile in 1993 United States, Bill Clinton became the 42nd President of the United States. Will Smith even hosted the Presidential Inaugural Celebration For Youth, which aired on The Disney Channel. Youth culture was growing in America, with an increasing prevalence of marketing towards kids, including the Presidential Inauguration.

My Neighbor Totoro has seen most of its success internationally. 92.7% of sales were from the international market, with only 7.3% domestically. With a budget estimated at $3.7 million, it has been a worldwide success, bringing in $30,695,952 worldwide. Through this success, My Neighbor Totoro paved the way for later Studio Ghibli films such as  Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, and The Boy and the Heron.

When this film was released in the United States, it had mixed reviews. Many critics compared it to Disney.

“Displaying no more than adequate television technical craft, the simple family saga poses no threat to the commercial dominance of Disney cartoonists.” - Leonard Klady, Variety (2013)

As time went on, more and more critics began to praise Miyazaki.

“Despite the cuteness, there's little in the way of icky sentiment – indeed the spectre of death hangs over the story – but it's a captivating world you won't want to come home from.” -Steve Rose, The Guardian (2013)

Rotten Tomatoes currently gives My Neighbor Totoro a 93% rating, while IMDB rates it an 8.1 out of 10.

In my opinion, this film is a mix between both conventional and unconventional. It is conventional in its simplicity, as it is easy to understand and does not challenge or alienate the viewer. It is unconventional in its relatively small budget, as Studio Ghibli was a new and much smaller company at the time. The main characters do not have a goal, they are simply existing and wandering through their world. The style of the film is very noticeable, although familiar to other animated movies, many of the elements of animation are very distinct. The focus on nature, expressions, mannerisms, and other small details is apparent.

The clip "Mei Meets Totoro" shows how Miyazaki focused on small details to express the characters' sentiment. Mei's curiosity is clearly shown through her mannerisms, poking Totoro's tail and running in place with excitement. She crawls up onto his chest and tickles his nose. Totoro's whiskers move and he licks his lips, and sneezes Mei off of him. As Totoro slowly wakes up and tells Mei his name, loudly, his fur sways in the wind with the power of his voice.

The iconic "cat bus" is one of the most memorable scenes of this film. It is incredibly unique, and a concept that I don't think anyone else in the world could come up with. Once Totoro boards, the cat bus takes off at top speed. The wind blows strongly in response, suggesting that the bus is the source of all wind - whether it can be seen by humans or not.

After watching this film and researching its history as an adult, I am not surprised by how captivated I was as a child. The focus on nature was appealing to me both then and now. The detailed and artistic style sets My Neighbor Totoro apart from other animated films. The world of Totoro does not feel as vast as it did when I was a child, perhaps because I have lost much of my childhood imagination over the years. Still, the nostalgia that I feel in rewatching this film is able to reconnect my adult self with the fragments of childlike wonder that still exists inside of me.

[haemosexuality]

FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

my thoughts on the movie UwU

ok first of i LOVED what they did with mike's character???? its different from the games canon (or different from the most popular theories??? i can never remember what is actually canon and whats accepted fanon) but its sooooo interesting. making him the brother of one of the victims was SO unexpected but it worked really really well. tho going into the movie with preconceived notions ab the story fucked me up somewhat bc i took so long to accept he wasnt michael afton 😣 tho i feel the movie mightve been setting fans up that way lol

on that note his brother confused me somewhat? cuz he was one of the missing children but he wasnt one of the 5 spirits was he??? maybe he was and i just didnt notice KSBSKDBSKD ill look out for it on my second watch

WILLIAM. MOTHER FUCKING AFTON. OH MY GODDDDDDD THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE and honestly seeing everyones reaction to it was SO cool. when springtrap appeared everyone screamed and clapped. when he started dying everyone screamed and clapped even louder. and when he said "I ALWAYS COME BACK" everyone LOST THEIR FUCKING MIND SCREAMING CRYING YELLING CLAPPING WHOOPING IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD

AND THE VANESSA REVEAL????? i think thats completely different from game vanessa lore mostly bc william aftons daughter in the game was elizabeth/baby and shes fucking dead but idk vanessa lore so who knows. all i know is that it WORKED MAN i did NOT see that coming but i HONESTLY REALLY LIKED IT AND AGAIN EVERYONE IN THE THEATER LOST THEIR MINDS WE WERE ALL LIKE "WHAT?????" (edit: i saw an youtuber point out that this cant be the same vanessa from sb bc this is set in like the 90s and sb's in the future. maybe this is something like, they put two vanessas so we know that sometimes different characters just have the same name and dont get too hang up on mike smith vs michael afton lol)

i also like how they did williams character. i usually dont like purely evil 2d villains but i feel that fits afton way more than "sad scientist goes insane cuz he lost his kid oh no :(". like it just fits fnaf!!!!!!!

another thing that was completely different from the game was the animatronics. like in the game theyre "like animals" but in the movie they all seemed very, aware??? msking decisions? they def had a mind and it was cheesy sure but i also liked it. i just loved this movie. and everything about it. i went into it knowing it was absolutely not going to be 1:1 with the game so i dont mind im just so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IMMEDIATELY STARTING WITH A JOKE ON DREAM THEORY LMFAOOOOOOOO. "SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE IT"

MATPAT? MOTHERFUCKING MATPAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THE EASTER EGGS!!! THE REFERENCES!!!!!! THERE WERE SO MANY AND THEY MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY EVERY TIME OH MY GOD

im not gonna remember all of them but I WANT THE MIDNIGHT MOTORIST HOODIE

max did NOT deserve to die that upset me. she was fine!!!!!!!

also the violence wasnt anything super crazy but it was def more than i expected. also they swore

THE ANIMATRONICS ARE SO FUCKING COOL DUDE OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE REAL

also golden freddy wasnt a girl in the movie. F cassidy

i like mikes character sooooo much ive said so before and im saying it again. vanessa too

THE SONG THE FUCKING SONG THE LIVING TOMBSTONE PLAYING IN THE FUCKINF CREDITS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE

this one is only for the brazilians in here but i actually liked the dub? this sentiment might change after i watch the og version but it wasnt terrible. williams voice was 10/10

balloon boy was funny every single time. fuck this bitch. also the cupcake

THE ITS MEEEEEEEEEEE i wish they did more its mes BUT I SAW THAT!!!

the scene were mike calls abby to the kitchen so they could 'talk' and the aunt was there.... actually broke my heart how dare you

i missed phone guy 😭

OH IM PRETTY SURE I SAW THE FAKE DOG ANIMATRONIC PEOPLE THOUGHT EXISTED YEARS AGO???? I DONT REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT I THINK HE WAS THERE IN THE LIKE STORAGE PLACE i might be crazy tho dont quote me

i thought i wouldnt like it but i love how expressive freddy is its so funny. chica bonnie n foxy too but him especially

ok i those were all my immediate thoughts!!! i wrote this a few hours ago when id JUST gotten back from the theater and now im gonna go watch it again so bye <3

[wjforever]

My introduction to Love Between Fairy and Devil.

I'm not sure what attracted me to this series. I saw some gifs in the tumblr and it seemed interesting to me. I was drawn to the beautiful pictures and the cold dangerous villain/protagonist. Like many of us, I believe. Dongfang Qingcang is the center of this series and many have fallen in love with this show because of him. I'm no exception. I was hooked on this character because it's just my type. And this despite the fact that I don't like Asian shows at all.

I must say right away that I didn't have too high expectations from the series. I saw and understood what I was signing up for. It was obvious to me that this was a naive colorful children's fairy tale, the quality of which leaves much to be desired, but I turned a blind eye to it. If you initially treat this as a performance in a children's theater, and not a deep, high-quality philosophical television masterpiece, then it's much easier to watch it. Yep, it's cheap, yes it's flat, but everyone is doing their best and God bless them.

What immediately caught my eye, even before the start of viewing, especially in comparison with more familiar Hollywood films, was a lot of CGI, not always of good quality, but most often frankly bad, plastic props, cheap fabrics, stereotypical characters and ideas. And most importantly - excessive cloying.

And yet I succumbed to the temptation, and turned on the series purely as a background noise while I was working. Such films are the very thing for this. You can stop watching if it starts to annoy, but most of the time you pay little attention to what's happening on the screen. For this reason, I watched with dubbing, which, by the way, was extremely crappy. Unfortunately, this happens often when it comes to such complex languages as Chinese. But I didn't care too much.

However, if the series hadn't originally been my background noise, I wouldn't have watched it, because the first episode almost immediately killed all my interest. But that would have been a mistake. Because it's really worthy. It's a shame that the pilot turned out to be essentially a failure, because I understand that many people may miss this masterpiece because of such a nuisance. I still gave the series a chance and didn't regret it at all. You need to merge into it, get used to it and fall in love with it, trying to delve into all the details and feel it in order to understand it better.

But the beginning passed me by. Bright, colorful, something is happening, but it doesn't cause much interest. A bunch of names that are hard to remember. A complex philosophy and its own cultural structure.

I wasn't familiar with this genre at all, so many things were initially incomprehensible to me. Probably, in order to better understand what's going on there in general, you need to read at least a little about this genre. To understand who the immortal celestials are, and how this whole system works. Because the series throws it all at you at once and you don't know if you should already understand everything yourself, because it's traditional for China or it should be like that and it will become clear later. I wasn't really worried about it and was more waiting for the bad guy to show up.

But still I was a little disappointed, sometimes I looked at what was happening condescendingly, and sometimes I just did facepalm. If you are also just starting out, don't give in to this false impression, give the series a chance, because the actors and the plot will save the whole story and the shortcomings can be forgiven.

As for the main heroine, I knew from the start that I would see just such a character, because it's one of the most popular type in Asian culture. I used to watch the Sailor Moon series a little bit (back then we didn't choose what to watch, but watched what was shown, haha). And Sailor Moon herself was my most disliked character, I loved those heroines who were more older. But I know that this is a very popular image of a stupid, squeaky, naive, cute, annoying, but kind, brave and fair girl. It's always annoyed me, but… it's popular. So, I was mentally ready for this and had no big complaints.

But still, even if I didn't expect too much, there is some magic in this series. Seeing all its flaws, I was still fascinated by it and at some point it was able to completely charm me. I surrendered without a fight. After a few episodes, I realized that I could no longer just watch it as a some background, that it attracted all my attention and distracted me from work. I giggled and worried along with the heroes. Although the secondary characters didn't evoke the same emotions in me as the main ones, except for the dragon, but I still enjoyed to follow the development of their stories.

I can't say which episode was the turning point, but over time I began to get distracted from the series only when secondary characters were shown, so not to often.

And this is one of the good things about the drama. It focuses on the main characters and continues like this for pretty much the entire episodes, so it was kept interesting to me. But the secondary characters are also at least not too annoying, and many of them evoke sympathy.

For the most time, when some show ends, I either quickly forget about it if it was mediocre. At most I go half a day under the impression of the final. If the series was really good, I can't recover for a long time. And it's even difficult to rewatch some moments, because there is a feeling of completion and it's kind of strange to go back to the beginning. There is something solemn about it, like saying goodbye to something close. And usually it takes me time to plunge into this story again, to start all over again.

But this show I wanted to rewatch. More and more. Because you suddenly realize that didn't understand something at the beginning, and you want to find out what you've missed. And there are quite a lot of such details in the series, as it turns out. Suddenly it's not a simple silly fairy tale, but something very complex and multidimensional.

I don't like to follow actors, their other roles and projects, and I'm not a big fan of BTS scenes. It's interesting, but it destroys some magic, because it emphasizes that all this is not real. But I didn't have enough. And I not only have rewatched the series several times, especially some moments. But I also have watched the anime episodes that have been released at the moment and have read the novella. This is completely totally different. But gosh, what's so special about these characters? I fell in love with them again like the first time and I can't get them out of my head. But I began to understand this world better. Better understood some details. And now I also want to watch the series with Chinese text in order to find out what was inaccessible to me due to translation problems.

Summarizing, this post is not really a review, but my declaration of love for this drama. Yes, it's not the most expensive and high-quality product. Yes, there are many flaws and mistakes in it. But this is very honest, sincere and thoughtful. And I love it, I love the logic in the narrative. When there is meaning from beginning to end and everything is thought out in advance, and not some ridiculous turns are invented. And I love games and TV shows with signs, hints, parallels and secret meanings that are not immediately clear. This is the beauty of Japanese games, for example. There is a lot of symbolism in them, as in Asian culture in general. And it conquers you.

Someone could consider the series superficial, and this is very in vain. This is absolutely not true. There is much more wisdom and philosophy in it than it may seem at the beginning.

If you are thinking whether this drama, which has suddenly become mainstream, worth watching, you definitely should watch this. Perhaps you won't get into this story and you won't like it. But if you like not superficial stories, then this is for you.

Somebody save me, because it seems I'm drowning in this)) This series has earned such recognition for a reason and it's a pity that fans are already switching to new projects. It's a pity that there won't be a second season and it's almost one hundred percent. And the author is unlikely to write a continuation of the novel, and even if so, this won't be something that I will like, unfortunately (judging by the epilogues). Expansion of the universe, stories about other characters are not the same for me, although I know that there are novels dedicated to other heroes and a crossover series is planned on TV. But I want to extend my time with this story and these characters. So I keep taking it apart brick by brick) Huh. The life of a fan is hard, especially for dying fandoms and when you too late for the party, lol.

My blog on Buy me a coffee

[bobtheacorn]

Film RED bullet review below the cut bc of spoilers but also it’s living in my mind rent-free and i gotta holler for a min (though I should preface this with saying i haven’t read wano yet bc I keep procrastinating but If I Don’t See EVERY one piece film in Theaters I WILL Die! Waited 32 years of my life for this and I’ll get my spoilers via the big screen if i have to!)

THAT BEING SAID lmao

the only reason i went to see this film is bc of JINBE it was BABY’S FIRST FILM and he had 8 entire minutes of screentime rip

the COWARDS didn’t dub the songs for some reason???? but Uta’s english VA AmaLee did her own version of Genesis and it’s a FUCKIN BANGER give it a big big listen she deserved to drop the entire album on the big screen!!!!!!!!!!

in spite of that, me and my friend are huge Jpop nerds so this movie felt tailor made for us and we were alone in the theater thank God so we got to be absolute assholes and jam 100/10 

Uta’s EXCELLENT Cult Vibes my girl swung so far to the left she curved right back around A for effort

Every song being a little more deranged than the last as her mental health plummeted bc of sleep deprivation / stress MWA we love to see it we love a girl saying Fuck the Government AND the Pirates and streaming her absolute break down live on global television and taking EVERYBODY DOWN WITH HER only bc it is SO FAR REMOVED from Oda’s typical villain trope of Bitter Old Man who wants to destroy the world bc he is Sad Z i am looking you in the face

the Things I Care About and the Things This Film Wanted Me to Care About Divergence was... Incredible! Uta being Shank’s daughter got crickets from me bc ask me why i should care but it was immediately followed by “Strawhat is The 5th Emperor” which received uproarious applause and that was a spoiler for me lmao

Oda/etc Stop Cramming 48 Random and Unnecessary Characters into every Film Just Because They’re High On The Popularity Poll Challenge

We have a full entire cast of STRAWHATS. There are TEN STRAW HAT PIRATES. Would have loved to see a little bit of oh i don’t know Interaction and Shenanigans that lasted longer than a few seconds, i mean jesus christ I remember the older movies always having lots of fun banter and moments with the strawhats and that’s what made them fun to watch, i remember when there were Character Driven plots give me some of that back I come here for the StrawHat Pirates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did i enjoy Trafalguy turning up to babysit his queer platonic BF? Yes!

Did this movie in particular benefit from him being there? NO.

Fleeting Lullaby (song/scene) is Unhinged, Uta i love u

Luffy who recognizes No One Ever spotting that girl he saw like twice when he was 7 from 40 yards away and being like Hey Stop The Show I Think Know Her sklfsjfasd;lk KING

He said he was gonna go take a nap and Uta had a meltdown abt it, say you have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria without saying it

ALSO Uta sitting in the rain stroking Luffy’s precious sleeping face and crying got me cryin in the club fr

That very quick flashback of shanks thinking abt Roger and Rayleigh also punched me in the chest but I went into the film not caring abt shanks and his daughter and I left the film still not caring i’m sorry lmao

Usopp’s observation haki connecting him to his dad and them both working to coordinate their respective crews was GODTIER OH WE LOVE TO SEE IT. USOPP THANK U FOR SHINING SO BRIGHTLY

the very quiet scene where Uta gives Luffy his hat back and she’s trying to be silly with him but you Don’t See His Face At All that entire scene so you KNOW he’s upset and something is wrong made me fucking feral I love Luffy’s growth I love his character development I LOVE HIM SFM

Coby was the REAL MVP of the Film

Jinbe deserved more screentime

Rob Lucci struggling to trouble-shoot the Elders TV sent me right into the stratosphere HOW fucking embarrassing sdfljslfksl

Uta fuckin died????????????/ Unconfirmed but implied

Oda Stop Martyring Women Challenge

this movie is GREAT but it’s not Film Gold

[bellpeppersand-beef]

watched the movie in theaters last night!! It was really great ❤️ Some thoughts in no particular order:

I saw the dub with my sister and my bf, and then I went and saw the sub alone. The sub had deeper dialogue imo but it’s mostly the same, though every once in a while the voices dropped out? Like I think it was during the shogi scene, Jet’s voice was gone but the background audio was still there and the subtitles were still going, it was weird

when the opening theme played my sister turned to me and was like “wtf this isn’t tank?!?!” I was also surprised, but Ask DNA is a banger so I can forgive it

Faye chasing everyone around the room and jumping on Spike was cute. Luv these idiots

Bob and Jet’s little movie date was cute too. Also, they have 10000% kissed before on a particularly long, boring stakeout. They never speak of it tho, because they’re Men(TM)

The English voice actor for Samson did such a good job, tho I do wish they hadn’t changed his spiel in the car so much- in the Japanese version, he makes it clear he’s partnering up with Vincent and committing terrorism because it’s so much harder to become famous as a hacker than it used to be and he wants to be remembered, and in the English that isn’t as clear.

I also prefer Jet’s whole monologue to himself about the bebop crew’s relationship in Japanese, mostly because he says “it’s not like we’re a family” because it is like they’re a family, they’re just a very dysfunctional one

Vincent’s English VA reminded me of some of the VAs in Skyrim in a weird way that made it harder to take him seriously, but that’s not his fault

“I love a woman that can kick my ass” bitch me too, the fuck

“I don’t care about saving anyone, that’s not my job” press x to doubt

“We share the same soul. I have to see him again, one more time” Spike my love that is fuckin gay

Faye looks so much like a shrimp in that one scene where she’s tied up on the floor. Go look at it and tell me I’m wrong. Shrimp lookin ass

god I want that self-cooking ramen holy shit

okay so like. I thought that photo set I’ve seen on here before with a quote from True Detective on it was real and I was so confused when it wasn’t in the movie sdhdaghsgkl

wtf are Vincent’s hands made of that he can stab Spike with his goddamn fingers through his clothes??

I thought the guy pulling spike out of the water was Jesus for a fucking second 💀

Also, I thought laughing bull lived on TJ or Titan, what is he doing on mars? I suppose he might move around, tho

“I’m not waiting for a call from Spike or Faye, in fact I didn’t even notice they were gone bc I am a Man(TM) and I don’t care about them” *phone rings* “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK >:(” Jet my absolute idiot angel, please learn how to talk about your feelings

Poor Jet being so stressed out in the scene with the planes. This man deserves a vacation and also probably some high blood pressure medication

the bebop looks very phallic in that one scene in the beginning, and the hammerhead always looks phallic. why does jet own two penis ships? is he compensating for something, or does he just really like dicks? the world may never know (it’s both)

I like how they leaned harder into multiculturalism in the movie, like including lines in Arabic

the music was awesome, as always. what planet is this fuckin slaps, as does knockin on heavens door

highkey want that final shot of spike reaching for the butterfly and “are you living in the real world?” as a tattoo

we pretend we do not see the terrible transphobic stereotype in that one scene 😑😑😑😑😑

[hailsvvanronson]

I was annoyed at the attack on titan ending at first, but it was for different reasons than everyone else (i thought he teased a sequel), and after the full chapter came out and i read it again, I was basically okay with it.

Now, with the anime adaptation of the ending, I am MORE than okay with it.

Dunno why I'm trying so hard not to be a spoiler...satute of limitations is about to expire...but hey, it's an ending for cynics of which I am one.

MAPPA stuck the landing.

Now, DON'T TAKE ANYMORE SHOWS.

I don't know what anime I am watching until Steel Ball Run is greenlit. I DO kinda have to catch up on My Home Hero and SpyxFamily, but I got sidetracked by MONSTER.

I was looking through Netflix one day over the summer, and saw that they got fuckin' MONSTER.

I always said I was gonna watch that show eventually, even with it being so bloody long but I forgot about it. Come to find out, up to now, if I would have gone to try and watch it it would have been a pain in the ass. The home video release was CANCELLED IN THE MIDDLE. THEY NEVER FINISHED RELEASING THE DAMN DVDS/BLU-RAYS! Even after running the entire show dubbed in English on cable! It was in license limbo, and even now Netfkix DOESN'T HAVE THE ENGLISH DUB! (Which is allegedly very good) HOW IN THE FUCK?!

You can find the english dub on random websites, but whatever, I watched it subtitled on Netflix and I actually BINGED that fucker. I can't remember the last time an anime captivated my attention like this. It might really be Psycho Pass 1. . . . No....Jojo 4. I finished MONSTER in 2 weeks. 74 episode show.

It is the WIRE of anime.

(i had said True Detective, but that's Psycho Pass because everyone will tell you only the first season is good, but it's actually only the second season that's bad).

Not only that, the sadly recently departed Sakurai Atsushi of Buck-Tick could have totally played Kenzo Tenma (dammit I knew i forgot something that post the other day)

This show has probably ruined anime for me now, because i know they'll never make a show like that again. It's not otaku pandering enough (it's not otaku pandering at all). They couldn't even get a decent studio to do My Home Hero. They should have pitched that to Netflix, Netflix would have tried and got Production IG or somebody like that. It gets compared to Breaking Bad for fucksake. You can't go wrong, Netflix!

I think Monster was after I saw Psycho Pass Providence in the theater. That movie was pretty fucking good........but man......i fucked up....I saw the announcement. I was basically waiting for streaming or whatever. I didn't look into anything about it really. Also, I haven't rewatched season 3. What I'm saying is, somehow I completely missed the fact this movie takes place BEFORE SEASON 3 🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

I know, like, what?

So all lf that combined made the ending a big a shock, and i kinda enjoyed it more because of that. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

I guess I know what I'm watching next, season 3......which is now on Crunchyroll. Eventually they will do a dub since Amazon didn't 🤣😂.

(side note: I'm the guy who was always saying "why did they make Akane sound like Mila Kunis?" but I do tend to forget she's barely 21 when the show starts. 🤷🏿‍♂️)

Lastly, I loved Stone Ocean.

I hope David Studio get the fuck away from Netflix though, eh?

I think that's all I gotta say. I could have a ball dragging the FLCL sequels, but what is there to say? FLCL should not be a franchise not everything needs to be a franchise. Not even Psycho Pass (that's right, it could have just been one season LIKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US EXPECTED. Don't lie. That show is not otaku pandering enough, or they would have confirmed that stupid Akane/Shinya ship they keep teasing 😂🤣).

I guess I'm posting again now. Hi.

I am changing the username eventually.

[astrognossienne]

couple analysis: laurence olivier + vivien leigh - a tempestuous romance

“You’re the only person in the world who could make hideously selfish me love another more than I do myself.” - from a letter from Laurence Olivier to Vivien Leigh

“I would rather have lived a short life with Larry [Olivier] than face a long one without him.” - Vivien Leigh

They were the ultimate show business power-couple, conquering both the stage and film together. From 1936 to 1940 they were involved in a passionate, clandestine, and scandalous adulterous affair (they were both married to other people at the time). When they finally married, their stature as The Oliviers brought them to new heights as a famous theatrical couple. The Hollywood love story of Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier is remembered today as one filled with insanity, passion, romance, betrayal, and heartbreak. He played Romeo to her Juliet, Antony to her Cleopatra. And not only on the stage. Off-stage, Olivier and Leigh carried on a tumultuous twenty-year romance that rivaled any they ever portrayed in a play. Dubbed “the King and Queen of the theater” by fellow actor John Gielgud, they were truly show business royalty, as dazzlingly glamorous a couple as had ever captured the fancy of an adoring public. He was Heathcliff. She was Scarlett O'Hara. Their chemistry was palpable from the start, so the Old Vic cast them as Hamlet and Ophelia in their production of Hamlet. Incidentally, these two just so happen to share my parents’ signs exactly; my mum’s a Scorpio and pa is a Taurus. A clash of opposing signs, it was as one would think love between sister signs would be: light and shadow, love and hate, with the ability to hurt each other on the deepest level that no one else else ever could at their worst, and an almost electrifying animalistic sexual chemistry and true love at their best, but underneath everything they have the deepest understanding that no other signs could share. The couple was so in love that they did not care who knew. Larry and Vivien had to try to keep their relationship a secret. This was difficult, as they lived together and were madly in love. Their agents and publicists often had to beg them to be discreet. In the end, the fantasy romance between Heathcliff and Scarlett O'Hara was too good to be true. Although their relationship did not last, their love for each other always did.

Love life of Laurence Olivier: Laurence Olivier spent a year in acting school, then nabbed his first small roles as part of a touring theater group. Olivier, raised Catholic and taking his religious background seriously, remained a virgin until he was 24. He rushed into marriage, proposing to his first spouse, Jill Esmond, three weeks after meeting her. Esmond, however, didn’t entertain him until a couple years later in 1932, when they married. His haste was, in part, due to his need for relief from self-imposed chastity. He confessed he was dying to enjoy sex, but “only with the blessing of God”. In May 1935, Olivier saw Vivien Leigh in The Mask of Virtue. After the show, he went backstage to congratulate her on her performance. Later that year, a mutual actor friend of Olivier’s and Leigh’s, John Buckmaster, introduced Vivien to Laurence Olivier at the Savoy Grill, where he and Esmond dined regularly after his performance in Romeo and Juliet. For Olivier, the attraction was almost as immediate. He had been struck by her 'magical looks' and 'beautiful poise.' But, he wrote in his memoirs, "she also had something else: an attraction of the most perturbing nature I had ever encountered.” In 1937, two years after their first meeting, Olivier and Leigh began an affair while acting as lovers in the film Fire Over England. Even as he was falling in love with Leigh, his wife was carrying his first son, Tarquin. Nonetheless, Olivier always knew his marriage to Esmond was not going to last an eternity. While his relationship with Leigh continued, he conducted an affair with the actress Ann Todd, and possibly had a brief affair with the actor Henry Ainley.

Love life of Vivien Leigh: Vivien Leigh married her first husband at 19 in 1932. Herbert Leigh Holman was a barrister who, ironically enough, disliked the theater. She gave birth to her daughter Suzanne within the year. Vivien had always flung herself at life and given her all in her acting; she changed her stage name after marrying. However, her husband’s disapproval for her passion in theater was just one aspect of Leigh and Holman’s unhappy marriage. This would ultimately lead to a love affair between Leigh and Laurence Olivier that continues to haunt Hollywood to this day. As a 22-year-old starlet in 1935, she saw Olivier on the London stage and it was love at first sight, at least for Leigh. She was instantly enthralled by his brilliant star power-and brooding good looks. Leigh and Olivier first met after one of the actress’s stage performances in The Mask of Virtue in London in 1935. Olivier, 28, stopped by to congratulate the rising star on her performance. Soon, mutual friend John Buckmaster introduced the two actors, beginning a professional acquaintance that spontaneously combusted into full-blown passion. Though Olivier was married to actress Jill Esmond at the time (who was pregnant with their son) and Leigh was also married with a child, the pair took an immediate liking to one another. “That's the man I'm going to marry," she once told a friend after her initial meeting with Olivier. Such bold declarations were typical of the headstrong Leigh, who always knew what she wanted, and usually got it. Two years later, Fire Over England was filmed, and Leigh and Olivier appeared in it—as lovers. The two instantly began a blazing off-screen affair. Around this time, they also began exchanging letters.

Their love life together: Both Olivier and Leigh had thought themselves happily married, but after meeting each other, they realized how much romance they'd been missing. Olivier would call their attraction “fatefully irresistible”. The great passion and adoration these two had for each other was truly electric, yet it was more than sex that charged this magnetic attraction. Quite simply, these two completed each other. Olivier inspired Leigh; he was her hero, her mentor, her soulmate. He shared her artistic aspirations, and moved her to aim even higher. In turn, she inspired him. This beautiful, sensual, witty woman not only sparked his intellect and libido, but also his personality. He turned from a somber guy into more of a bon vivant. They soon began exchanging torrid love letters. Along with these letters, Vivien regularly sent him bouquets of flowers, and he would pluck a carnation from them and wear it inside his underpants, before posting it back to her. She reciprocated by mailing him her panties, which he arranged in his hotel room as a kind of shrine. Olivier had been attempting to broaden his film career. He was not well known in the United States despite his success in Britain, and earlier attempts to introduce him to American audiences had failed. In 1939, he was offered the role of Heathcliff in Samuel Goldwyn's production of Wuthering Heights. He traveled to Hollywood to film, leaving Leigh in London. Meanwhile, a widely publicized search was on to find an actress to portray the most coveted role for actresses at the time: Scarlett O’Hara in the film adaptation of Margaret Mitchell’s novel Gone With The Wind. This search was the equivalent of African-American actresses vying for the role of Dorothy Dandridge or Latina actresses vying for the role of Frida Kahlo. At first, Hollywood execs didn’t want her because she was “too British”. But after a screen test, the director, George Cukor, praised Leigh's "incredible wildness" and she secured the role of Scarlett soon after. During filming, Gone With The Wind’s producer David Selznick had allowed Vivien a couple of days off to meet Olivier, she wrote to him that

“we went upstairs and we fucked the whole weekend”.

After two years of rapturous torment, they gave into fate and ended their marriages. In February 1940, Jill Esmond agreed to divorce Laurence Olivier, and Leigh Holman agreed to divorce Vivien, although they maintained a strong friendship for the rest of Leigh's life. Esmond was granted custody of Tarquin, her son with Olivier. Holman was granted custody of Suzanne, his daughter with Leigh. Having discreetly lived together for the three years it took to finalize their divorces, Olivier and Leigh were finally free to marry. At the end of August, 1940, they slipped away for a civil ceremony on a ranch in Santa Barbara, California, witnessed only by friends Garson Kanin and Katharine Hepburn. The ceremony was reportedly presided over by a tipsy municipal judge who had imbibed just a bit too touch while waiting for the bride and groom to arrive. The next day, however, they announced their nuptials to the world, with a fanfare befitting a king and queen.

By then, Leigh's Gone With the Wind and Olivier's Wuthering Heights had made them international stars, and they seemed to thrive on the attention. Portraying lovers on stage only seemed to intensify their offstage ardor. The early 1940s were the happiest time for the Oliviers. Not even World War II could slow them down. Olivier served in the Royal Air Force, training fighter pilots, but still he and Leigh stayed active in the theater, and they even entertained Allied troops on a tour of North Africa. In 1944, the couple bought a sprawling country home that became a weekend retreat. Here, King Larry and Queen Viv held court at lavish dinner parties. But their domestic bliss was short-lived. The years that followed the war brought changes, especially for Leigh. Always in delicate health, she habitually worked herself to exhaustion, and it soon began to take its toll: while filming Caesar and Cleopatra, Leigh fell and suffered a miscarriage which strangely enough left her deeply depressed. The next year, she was stricken with tuberculosis, in the midst of her triumphant stage return in “The Skin of Our Teeth”. A long convalescence followed, during which Olivier began to conquer the theater world. While he was wowing London with the classics, she could only sit home. Eventually Leigh returned to work, but she never regained her stature as Olivier's superstar equal. When he was knighted in 1947, she fell further into her husband's shadow. This was more than a blow to her ego. Vivien's fading fame cut right to her heart. She felt that she had to be successful because she had so much regard for Laurence. She wanted to measure up, to keep his admiration and his love; she didn’t want him to consider her boring. But even if Leigh could have settled for second billing in their marriage, fate and her own frail health intervened.

Leigh was anything but boring, as Olivier would discover when she exhibited increasing signs of mental illness. In addition to her physical ailments, Leigh began to suffer serious mood swings that were later diagnosed as manic-depression/bipolar disorder. One night she'd be the hyper-active life of the party; the next she'd be lost in dark clouds of despair. With their once idyllic home life in upheaval, Olivier increasingly sought refuge in his work at the theater. Still, he tried to include her in his success. A 1948 tour of Australia brought them back together on stage, yet Olivier came home feeling he had lost Leigh. Those feelings were confirmed once they had returned from Australia, when, at Durham Cottage one sunny spring day, she told him she didn't love him anymore. Terribly shocked and heartbroken, Olivier later wrote of this in his autobiography:

“I felt as if I had been sentenced to death. The central force in my life, my heart in fact…had been removed.”

But Vivien, always unsentimental, was simply redefining their marriage. She had come to realize that, much as Olivier loved her, he loved acting more. And yet they stayed together more than ten years afterward, as if clinging to the memory of the great passion that had flamed so brightly and then burned out - as if each realized that the other had indeed been the love of a lifetime. Then too, they were bound by a public who still saw them as the King and Queen. So they carried on as “the Oliviers”, successfully performing together on stage, while living ever more separately at home. 

In the early 1950s, Leigh's mental health grew more unstable and she became a nymphomaniac, often having sex with strangers. She had problems and sex was an escape. Professionally, she was also on the move: Leigh next sought out and was cast in the role of Blanche DuBois in the West End stage production of Tennessee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire. After 326 performances, Leigh finished her run, and she was soon assigned to reprise her role as Blanche DuBois in the film version of the play. Her irreverent and often bawdy sense of humour allowed her to establish a rapport with co-star Marlon Brando, but she had an initial difficulty in working with director Elia Kazan, who later commented that he did not hold her in high regard as an actress, believing that "she had a small talent." He initially wanted Olivia de Havilland to play DuBois. As work progressed, however, he acknowledged her as having the “greatest determination to excel of any actress [I’ve] ever known” and slowly gained admiration and respect for her. While filming Streetcar Named Desire (during which both Elia Kazan and Marlon Brando allegedly slept with Vivien), there were real, theatrically pitched arguments between Vivien and Laurence behind closed doors. Leigh herself had mixed feelings about her association with the character of DuBois; in later years, she said that playing DuBois "tipped me over into madness", even though it resulted in her second Best Actress Oscar. From then on, Vivien’s mental health and the Olivier’s marriage became increasingly unstable.

In 1952, Olivier, appearing in the film The Beggar’s Opera, began an affair with fellow cast member Dorothy Tutin. Later the same year, Vivien went to Ceylon to shoot Elephant Walk with actor Peter Finch, a man with a strong sexual drive and something of a hellraiser. Vivien was beguiled by Finch’s Eastern mysticism and his talk of “twin souls” and “karma”, and they began an affair. The two of them disappeared into the cooler hills and stayed out all night. Some nights she never slept. There were periods of heavy drinking, which exacerbated her instability. It was said that she moved him into the family house. Matters came to a head once the shooting of Elephant Walk transferred to Hollywood. A panic attack on the flight to LA saw Vivien screaming and trying to rip off her clothes, and then on set she seemed lost, calling Finch “Larry” and speaking dialogue from Streetcar. A call was put out to the actor David Niven, whom she had got to know among the English expatriates in Hollywood, to come and help. He slowly walked Vivien off the set and took her home. There, he related later, she appeared naked at the top of the stairs completely disheveled, hair in clumps, with mascara and make-up streaked down her chin. Summoned from vacation overseas, Laurence flew out to find Vivien with her face in her hands, her eyes reduced to pin-pricks. He took her back to England, where she was taken to a mental hospital and committed. She spent several weeks there, and later underwent electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Vivien remained far from well. One day she asked Laurence if he was in love with “this girl” (Tutin), and when he said yes, her response was sympathetic. But a few days later, in the middle of the night, she exploded, hitting him across the face with a wet face cloth. He locked himself in another room; Vivien hammered on the door. Something snapped, and Laurence pulled Vivien along the landing and flung her across the bedroom, where she cut her eyebrow on the bedside table. Olivier said later:

“I realized with horror, that each of us was quite capable of murdering or causing death to the other.”

Eventually, in 1953, she had a mental breakdown, and spent time in a mental hospital. There, she received the first of the many shock treatments she was to undergo throughout her later years. Home after that first treatment, Leigh seemed a stranger. Feeling increasingly helpless, Olivier buried himself in his work. Their marriage would endure another miscarriage, more bouts of manic-depression, and less meaningful opportunities for the now middle-aged Leigh. Olivier was bored of her constant need for affection, and finally, in 1957, it was Olivier who had had enough. He'd become involved with the actress Joan Plowright, and left Leigh for her in 1958; the Oliviers divorced in 1960. Olivier married Plowright three months after the divorce was finalized.

Still, life went on without Larry. During the 1960s, Leigh revived her career, starring on screen in The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone (1961) and Ship of Fools (1965), the latter in which her performance was tinged by paranoia and resulted in outbursts that marred her relationship with other actors, although both co-stars Simone Signoret and Lee Marvin were extremely kind enough to be sympathetic and understanding to her. Leigh even won a Tony in the Broadway production of Tovarich (1963). She also found romance as well as a stabilizing influence with actor Jack Merivale, who had been a friend of hers since 1940. But her biploar interludes never really left her, nor did her incipient tuberculosis, which flared up again for the last time in 1967. She died at her home on the night of July 7. Hearing the news in his hospital room, where he was being treated for cancer, Olivier immediately discharged himself, and rushed to Leigh's deathbed, somehow feeling the need to, in his words, “stand and pray for forgiveness for all the evils that had sprung up between them” before helping Merivale make funeral arrangements; Olivier stayed until her body was removed from the flat. He misguidedly believed that he was somehow the cause of Vivien's disturbances. At any rate, Leigh went to her grave still loving Olivier. Olivier outlived Leigh by 22 years, during which he remained devotedly married to Plowright. Yet in the end, even despite everything she put him through, it was clear that Larry never got over Viv either: In 1986, a visitor to his home found the 80-year-old Olivier sitting alone, watching Leigh in an old film on television. In tears, Olivier said:

“This, this was love. This was the real thing.”

Vivien Leigh

Stats

birthdate: November 5, 1913

major planets:

Sun: Scorpio

Moon: Aquarius

Rising: Taurus

Mercury: Sagittarius

Venus: Libra

Mars: Cancer

Midheaven: Taurus

Jupiter: Capricorn

Saturn: Gemini (Rx)

Uranus: Aquarius

Neptune: Cancer (Rx)

Pluto: Cancer (Rx)

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Pisces (Rx)

Lilith: Pisces

Vertex: Libra

Fortune: Aquarius

East Point: Taurus

elemental dominance:

air

water

modality dominance:

fixed

house dominants:

10th

6th

3rd

planet dominants:

Uranus

Venus

Sun

sign dominants:

Aquarius

Cancer

Scorpio

Laurence Olivier

Stats

birthdate: May 22, 1907

major planets:

Sun: Taurus

Moon: Virgo

Rising: Gemini

Mercury: Taurus

Venus: Aries

Mars: Capricorn

Midheaven: Aquarius

Jupiter: Cancer

Saturn: Pisces

Uranus: Capricorn (Rx)

Neptune: Cancer

Pluto: Gemini

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Cancer (Rx)

Lilith: Cancer

Vertex: Scorpio

Fortune: Libra

East Point: Taurus

elemental dominance:

earth

air

modality dominance:

mutable

house dominants:

12th

8th

2nd

planet dominants:

Mercury

Uranus

Pluto

sign dominants:

Taurus

Gemini

Capricorn

Read more about their astrological synastry under the cut:

Relationship Overview:

Sun-sun synastry: Leigh was supersexy at the outset of this relationship, and then she slowly pulled back, making Olivier feel as if he’s being done a favour when she subsequently puts out—even if she was the one jumping his bones. A true Scorpio, Leigh had a very high opinion of herself, and nowhere is that fact so obvious as in the bedroom where, to be fair, she wowed a man with her sexual prowess while requiring vivid evidence of gratitude for doing so. Olivier had to, again, work a bit harder against type and become the more attentive one, even when on the receiving end of pleasure which, here, was more rare an occurrence than usual for him. She was a tough nut to crack: Scorpio’s fixed-water status—think ice, crystals, gems—keeps her sexual jewels buried within her pressurized persona, a wealth of carnal treasure waiting to be mined. And he effects some change as well: by complying with her many commands, when he draws the line, she learns not to press her luck. The obvious craziness of Leigh aside, it must have been real hard trying to integrate both the Taurus and Scorpio sides of her personality. Sun in 7th house and an intense water sign usually brings a person to fated complex relationships, especially since her sun is in Scorpio. I'm sure that her relationship did truly have something to do with her breakdown. Being married to a Taurus, a sign she was aiming to be, her 7th house sun gave so much importance to him; she literally lost her mind over him.  She may have had trouble reconciling how she comes off to other people with her actual ego (Scorpio sun). And there's always an issue with her playing the “supporting role” in the relationship (she preferred to be equals with him). I bet that was a problem with her later in their marriage. This is just based on only the geometry in her  chart. For someone who is a Scorpio sun, 7th house there will probably be a more fated attraction or attractions, or at least just as fated as Pisces but with the addition of that burning Scorpio intensity. Like a flame under water. Most people probably would have only seen the Taurus side, especially since Scorpios like secrecy. But she was probably also struggling to be stable and steady like a Taurus. Like her true love. It seems like they idealized each other and I think with him being a Taurus it was too much.

Scorpio likes to dissect a man. And with Taurus being the most obscure dude on the astrological block to a Scorpio, Olivier was someone Leigh would have especially liked to throw on the slab and dig into. She mightn’t realize that his seeming intrigue is really a natural guilelessness into which she’s reading. No other woman caused so strong a visceral reaction in Olivier; it’s as if he can sense her before even first laying eyes on her. She couldn’t help but inspire in him shockwaves of longing, if not a need for belonging. And she was even more an enigma to him than the other way around. Olivier held up a metaphorical mirror, making her see that she projected any semblance of mystery onto him. Still, never did he feel more slid under a microscope than in this bond; Leigh questioned his every move, pointing out bad habits in an attempt to prod Olivier out of negative behavioral patterns. He was, after all, living and breathing for two now; at least that’s how she saw it. Taurus and Scorpio affect each other’s cosmic 7th house of others or the non-self, and contracts including marriage. Scorpio, especially, feels this pairing looks good on paper. But they may both be aware of stumbling blocks that disallow the bond from deepening. He tried to remain an open book to her, but it was a riddle to him why she was constantly up in his business. It was simply her nature: A lover was a specimen for her to study and steer in a specified direction; she may find him obstinate, that open book closing. The 7th house effects could make them long for opposite qualities, in the other, from what they reveal or even personally possess. Both needed to strive to round out their characters. Meanwhile, they distracted themselves with family matters or outstripping their neighbours and friends. Olivier pondered where patience ended and henpecked began.

Moon-moon synastry: With Leigh’s moon in Aquarius and Olivier’s moon in Virgo, she needed a partner who was open-minded enough and appreciated her outspoken side. Both had a favorable effect on each other’s lives. Usually, she first looked for a mate who can be a good friend and then secretly evaluate his worth as a lover. The first thing she thought of when she was standing on the verge of a potential relationship, was if her chosen partner will allow her what she needed to feel secure, which would be unrestricted personal freedom to pursue her goals outside of the relationship. She desperately needed a lover who was not over-sensitive and can easily forgive innocent mistakes instead of making them into emotionally explosive situations. The one thing that she could safely commit to was a true and faithful friendship. Laurence tested her out to see if she’d be trustworthy and dependable in the long run, while Vivien also tested him to check if he could adequately provide the consistent level of personal freedom they needed to feel truly fulfilled in life. Vivien had a very unique idea of what the perfect love relationship should be: she wanted a lover with whom they can bond intellectually first and romantically second. Laurence placed a high degree of emphasis on active effort in a relationship, and his passion and devotion can only fully be expressed if their partner has no hesitation in truthfully committing their heart to them. Emotional standstills could be avoided if they both actively kept talking out grievances instead of letting them fester and double in size. Traditionally, Vivien subconsciously searched for a lover who was emotionally flexible and had a good control over her more volatile emotions.

Studying one’s partner needs more than just a set of eyes. So, they needed to find the triggers (having the freedom to do what they want, when they want, without having to clock in with a lover was crucial to Vivien) and fears (Laurence’s fear of their relationship or marriage failing despite all their efforts) and work with them. This combination can be a good success if Laurence allowed Vivien to express his love for her in his own way (and refrain from altering their approach), and Vivien was more attentive and sensitive to the Laurence’s delicate lunar Virgo psyche (neglecting him emotionally may not be wise). Truly in love, he was tender, trusting and totally devoted to her, sometimes even at great personal cost. She was awed by his dedication to his work, his attention to detail, and his ability to keep a very clean and organized home base. This was a good combination if he could remember that she can only function on one timetable; her own. And if she could bear in mind that once she made a promise to him, he, as caring and tenderhearted as he was, would hope that she could keep that promise. Intellectually bonded, a great honour is shared between these two lunar signs and they began by respecting one another’s abilities, before falling in love. This took their love to an even higher level. Ultimately, these two shared a strong, intellectual bond, which got them over many a rough spot in their lives. Mercury-ruled, lunar Virgo Laurence helped his wife learn about the incredible rewards of frugality, focus and hard work, while the Uranus-ruled, lunar Aquarian Vivien helped introduce her husband to being more free in mind, body and spirit, and encouraged him to be more fearless and expressive without worrying about being accepted or rejected by the world. All in all, this was a beautiful and unique love story while it lasted.

Venus-venus synastry: With his Venus in Aries and hers in Libra, there was a powerful attraction of opposites at work here. He fell in love with her beauty, grace and diplomatic style; and she loved his enthusiasm, bravado and adventurous nature. This could work well in the long term, but only if she didn’t do all the giving and he all the taking. This particular Venus overlay (on the 6th and 12th house axis) suggested that they both operated on the idea of mutual service and support in different ways. Her Venus in Libra fell in his 6th house, which meant that she took much pleasure in rendering his services and she needed and could count on his care and support. His Venus fell in her 12th house, which meant that he had a special talent for helping her adjust to difficult situations; he was a sympathetic companion to her and comforted her when she was distressed.

Mars-mars synastry:  With his Mars in Capricorn and her Mars in Cancer, they are complete opposites in bed but, with plenty of give and take, it can result in a satisfying and durable relationship. She helped him obtain more emotional fulfillment from lovemaking, while he grounded and structured her powerful sex drive. Also,his Capricorn Mars fell in her 9th house, which meant that he challenged her way of looking at life and encouraged practicality as well as a frank interchange of views. Her Cancer Mars fell in his 2nd house, which meant that she exerted a strong sexual and emotional stimulus on him and their strongly charged union ultimately brought about financial benefits.  

Planet dominance compatibility:  She was sun and Venus dominant, which clashed with his more masculine and outre Mercury and Pluto dominance; she was more empowered and artistic while he was more cerebral, and sadistic. Leigh’s energy was more self-centered and inward, due to these being personal (warmer) planets; Olivier’s more outwards, having the outer (colder) planets as dominants. However, they both shared Uranus dominance, which made them want to push boundaries together in their personal as well as professional lives, which they did pretty well.

Elemental dominance compatibility: His earth dominance made this union practical and dignified; her water dominance made it emotional, turbulent, and feelings-oriented. Their shared air dominance made this union a meeting of the minds, communicative, and intellect-oriented.

House dominance compatibility:  His 12th house dominance provided a certain privacy and fatefulness to the relationship; his 8th house dominance gave emphasis to his need for a deep sexual intimacy and passion; his 2nd house provided stability (financial and otherwise) and value. Her 10th house dominance provided an emphasis on her career achievements (often becoming tandem with their love life) and ambition; her 6th house dominance provided an emphasis on her work and how she related to her coworkers (for better or worse); and her 3rd house dominance highlighted the curiosity she had for him as well as the way she wanted to communicate with him.

Sign dominance compatibility: Their most dominant signs (Leigh: Aquarius, Olivier: Taurus) dictated that the only traits these two had in common were stubbornness and a reluctance to change their ways. Even so, Olivier may be intrigued by Leigh’s freewheeling openness to sexual experimentation and willingness to explore new erotic techniques, and she is likely to appreciate his loyalty and dependability. Their second most dominant signs (Leigh: Cancer, Olivier: Gemini) dictated that temperamentally, the two of them were not at all alike. Leigh was sensitive and emotional, and Olivier was a cool intellectual. Moreover, her mood swings are about as frequent as the his mind changes. Even so, adoring Leigh was able to fulfill all his sexual fantasies, and Olivier’s cheerfulness could brighten up her crabby disposition. Their third most dominant signs (Leigh: Scorpio, Olivier: Capricorn) dictated that sexually, they were very well matched. Even so, Leigh felt things deeply, and he was cool and unemotional. Both were ambitious and each liked being in charge, so their powerful personalities clashed. However, this union worked, because these two understood each other better than most.  

Venus-Vertex:  This was a prime indicator of a fated, romantic link that changed each other’s lives forever. With this being a square aspect, however, it meant that they were each other’s destiny, but not without some “bleeding” and emotional scars, particularly on his part.

Lilith: His Lilith in Cancer was conjunct Leigh’s Mars (which fell in his 2nd house of self-worth), which dictated that he was hopelessly attracted to women who were too sensitive and resorted to nasty emotional manipulation, games, and pulled all sorts of shit to reclaim the power they felt they lost. Also, her Lilith in Pisces was conjunct Olivier’s Saturn, making them magnetically attracted to each other, as well as causing him, in particular significant pain, which he embraced as part of her nature. In this case, she used her escape from mental illness and the bad things it made her say and do, through sex; her nymphomania hurt him, but she couldn’t help herself and he loved her anyway because/in spite of it--sexual activity anesthetized the pain of her warped reality (Pisces) as well as provided her comfort (Cancer) and a rebuilding of her self-worth (2nd house), albeit at a man’s expense (Lilith)...thus, it gave her release.

Notable Aspects:

***orbs of 0 degrees (”tight orbs”) indicate that a relationship gets the full  strength of that particular aspect’s energies. The higher the orb’s degrees are, the more diluted that aspect’s energies are to the relationship.***

The aspects describe the geometric angles between the planets. Each shape they produce has a different meaning. In a synastry chart, the aspects are the relationship between the two sets of planets. The first planet listed is Vivien Leigh's, and the second is Laurence Olivier's.        

sun sextile uranus (orb: 0°) - This was a relationship full of verve and romance. Olivier and Leigh were attracted to each other from the moment that they first meet and continue to experience excitement and joy in each other's company. Their relationship ran a somewhat erratic or unorthodox course, but they were both happy in the knowledge that theirs was a unique union. Leigh was excited by Olivier's creativity, which somehow enhanced his personal goals. Olivier helped Leigh to see life in a new and different manner, freeing her from past inhibitions. He knew that he has encountered someone who truly appreciated him as an individual. He could better express his original thoughts and ideas as a result of his relationship with Leigh. venus trine chiron (orb: 0°) -  Together they had opportunities to heal the painful experiences of previous relationships and forge a strong and loving bond. This was an important union. They may have even helped each other view their childhood experiences in a different light. Leigh's love was particularly soothing for Olivier, encouraging him to discover new talents. In return Olivier taught Leigh the benefits of a warm and loving relationship.       chiron trine jupiter (orb: 0°) - Together they were able to close the door on problems and hurts from previous relationships and enter into this liaison with a sense of joy. Together they healed each other's emotional pain, gaining understanding and insights into relating. Leigh and Olivier had common values and taught each other the joy and comfort that came with a responsive and understanding union. Olivier was a positive influence on this union, bringing an optimism and enthusiasm that is attractive and bountiful. chiron trine neptune (orb: 0°) - The healing powers of the arts played a significant role in this union. Leigh and Olivier had a romantic and empathetic relationship, in which they both placed importance on gentle and loving communication. As a result they were able to forgive and forget loved ones who have hurt them in the past, and move slowly towards a better understanding of their innermost selves and each other. The artistic and spiritual side of Olivier's nature proves particularly healing for his wife. Under her husband’s gentle influence, Leigh was able to heal past emotional wounds and better express herself. Together they took part in artistic projects. saturn quincunx mars (orb: 0°) - This was a strong commitment in which they struggled to understand each other. On the one hand both they were committed to making this partnership work. On the other hand they faced almost insurmountable difficulties along the way. Olivier tried to force his methods on to Leigh, only to meet Leigh's stubborn refusal to budge on certain matters. The challenge was a big one in this union. Both of them needed to carefully consider the future of this relationship, knowing that only mutual respect and caring communication could shine a light on their difficulties. ascendant trine moon (orb: 1°) -  Olivier and Leigh felt strongly drawn to each other, enjoying a strong and loving bond. This relationship satisfied his emotional needs, and he felt comforted by relating to Leigh. Olivier gained new insights about himself and relating through his association with her. In turn she was attracted to Olivier’s willingness to be vulnerable and loving, and felt supported by this union.            jupiter conjunct uranus (orb: 1°) - They were excited by each other's innovative ideas, perhaps sharing a common creative project. Their relationship followed an erratic course, but they were both happy with the stimulation and excitement. They enjoy a non-orthodox association, spurning a more traditional one. They spent much of their time together pursuing their common interests and learning from each other. Leigh experienced a broadening of her intellectual concepts through her association with Olivier. She delighted in the challenges that this ever-changing relationship provided. Olivier was excited by Leigh's keen interest in his ideas. He appreciates the freedom of expression and exchange of ideas. This is an intellectual connection and therefore is more likely to benefit a friendship rather than a lover's union. moon quincunx jupiter (orb: 1°) - Leigh and Olivier enjoyed each other's company and felt a certain zest for life when together. Vivien and Laurence shared a need for fun-filled adventures and the capability of achieving their goals. They both felt that the world was their oyster which was ready to explore together. This was a meeting of higher-minds. Leigh felt safe and appreciated in this relationship. Olivier knew that Leigh was a comrade in arms when it came to fun and adventure. He knew that he was truly appreciated for his generosity and optimism. Together Olivier and Leigh could conquer the world. Nothing seemed too far-fetched. And this is where the problems lie. Neither Olivier nor Leigh knew when enough was enough. It was too much of a good thing.                moon quincunx neptune (orb: 1°) - Romance was a major theme in this union; they both felt that they were meant to be together. Perhaps they believed that it was a union of their souls. This was the height of romantic love. Olivier and Leigh were likely to stumble across obstacles in this relationship because of unrealistic and overly idealistic expectations of each other. It was difficult for them to maintain the heights of love first attained at the beginning of the relationship. Misunderstandings easily arose. venus square mars (orb: 1°) -  At first, these two enjoy the type of love affair featured in romance novels; Leigh and Olivier enjoy the intense physical nature of the union, but as time goes on the flames seem to burn too strongly. Olivier began to feel possessive and perhaps somewhat obsessive, eager to maintain the force of passion. Leigh felt overwhelmed by the passion of the romance and the force of Olivier's nature, and was in danger of becoming repulsed rather than attracted to Laurence. As a result the relationship becomes a combat zone, and they start to compete rather than cooperate. neptune square venus (orb: 1°) - Theirs was an idyllic love. They met and fell deeply in love, fully appreciating each other's unique qualities. Together Laurence and Vivien feel that they have found true love such as only Romeo and Juliet and Daphnis and Chloe experienced. However, there are problems associated with this combination of planets. Leigh and Olivier found that the initial idyllic love can start to prove illusory in the long term. As the relationship developed it became more difficult for them to escape from the demands of the mundane world into a world of romance. They become disillusioned.        neptune sextile sun (orb: 1°) -  This suggested a romantic liaison in which both were blessed with a sense of being with the right person at the right time. Olivier and Leigh enjoyed escaping from the harsher realities of life into a world of their own creation. Fantasy and creativity play a strong role in their union. They had compassion for each other, understanding the other person's nature. Both Leigh and Olivier were able to let go of selfish desires when it is needed for the betterment of their union without unduly sacrificing their own personal needs. neptune sextile mercury (orb: 1°) - Olivier's ideas were encouraged by Leigh’s creative input, enabling him to better express himself, and they worked together on creative projects. Communication has an easy flow, more intuitive than concrete. They established an empathetic bond which enabled them both to exchange their thoughts and feelings with ease. They felt very much in love, viewing their union through rose-coloured glasses. pluto sextile venus (orb: 1°) -  Intense emotions were central to this relationship. They felt a passionate attraction to each other, a compelling need to be together. Sexual magnetism plays an important role in the initial stages of the union and continues, even through times of emotional difficulties. They also shared an artistic or creative pursuit about which they were both ardent. Whatever the outlet for the emotions, the key is intensity. saturn trine chiron (orb: 1°) -  When Vivien and Laurence first met, they experienced a deep-seated feeling that they have met before. Although a certain feeling of discomfort can underlay this relationship, on the whole it was a positive one in which both Olivier and Leigh steadily grew more emotionally secure. They were able to build firm foundations in this relationship, which augured well for other areas of their lives.   sun trine jupiter (orb: 2°) - Together they landed on their feet no matter how difficult a situation. Olivier and Leigh enjoyed each other's company; their optimism and enthusiasm were infectious, and as a couple they were popular. Leigh shone, in particular, as a result of her association with Olivier, and she felt able to embrace life and all it had to offer. Olivier knew that his horizons were continually expanding through his association with his wife. He felt able to conquer the world. saturn conjunct ascendant (orb: 2°) - They felt strongly drawn to each other, perhaps experiencing a sense that their relationship was written in the stars. saturn square moon (orb: 2°) -  Olivier and Leigh both suffered from feelings of discontent and insecurity within this union. They worked hard to cover up their sense that some emotional warmth was lacking, but there were times when they despaired of getting their needs met. Olivier felt this lack of emotional warmth keenly. It was difficult for him to relax and feel truly appreciated in this relationship. Leigh brought a certain coldness to the union, finding it difficult to generate emotional warmth. She felt that her attempts at intimacy were misunderstood and met with an overly-emotional reaction from her husband. Much work needed to be done in order to understand each other. mars sextile moon (orb: 2°) - This marriage was exciting and animated. Their discussions are lively and impassioned and their shared pastimes are also likely to be energetic and fun. Laurence and Vivien enjoy spontaneity and both tend to be impulsive when together. Olivier was most likely to feel that Leigh brought excitement into his life. He was aware that her drive and energy contributed positively to his life. Whereas Leigh felt inspired by the relationship to achieve her goals. She acknowledged that his support and understanding helped her to advance in life. .  chiron sextile uranus (orb: 2°) - Healing and growth were possible in this relationship. The Oliviers were able to leave behind painful memories of previous associations and pave new paths of understanding. They inspired each other. Olivier challenged Leigh to enter new territory. He motivated radical changes in her life, which were healing in certain ways. Leigh offered new insights which inspired her husband to new creative heights. venus trine ascendant (orb: 3°) - They both felt strongly drawn to each other, experiencing a sense of completeness in each other's company. Leigh was in love with Olivier, wanting to enjoy pleasurable activities and intimate moments. In turn Olivier had a greater sense of well-being through his association with Vivien. He appreciated her love of intimacy as well as her attitude to this union. Together they shared a mutual respect and affection. ascendant trine mars (orb: 3°) - This was a lively and energetic union. This relationship was an intimate one, but it can also indicate a friendship, family or work association. Olivier provided the initiative to help Leigh achieve her goals. She appreciated his drive and direction. Problems arose when he turned his attention away from the relationship, which was a disappointment to Leigh, because she saw this as a lack of support. The challenge for both was to keep this relationship moving in a positive direction through understanding and patience. jupiter opposing jupiter (orb: 3°) - Although they may hold opposite beliefs or find pleasure in different ways, they were tolerant of each other's differences. In fact they enjoyed the stimulation of each other's differences. Other tensions in their union adversely affected this beneficial influence. As such, Olivier and Leigh most likely had differences of opinion over values, beliefs and pastimes. These differences can be a source of tension rather than a source of joy. jupiter opposing neptune (orb: 3°) - When they first met they were attracted to each other's spiritual and religious values. Their imaginations were inspired by each other's differing beliefs. However, as the relationship developed the novelty wore off and conflict arose. At first the Oliviers weren’t aware of the deterioration of this side of their association. It was an insidious process and one that these two find hard to understand. The problem was that their conflicting religious or spiritual values were undermining the success of their union. mars trine saturn (orb: 4°) - Commitment is a central theme to this relationship. Olivier and Leigh were striving to build something concrete whether it be a future together or work project. Together they had the strength and wisdom to achieve a shared ambition. This was not a flighty association. Leigh contributed the drive and initiative and Olivier possessed the stability and practical aptitude. At times she pushed him forward. At others he restrained her, proving that there is wisdom in a slow but sure path. Together they achieved success in their joint enterprises in the long term. jupiter conjunct mars (orb: 4°) - They both had a zest for life. Olivier had the drive necessary for any joint projects, and Leigh had the know-how and planning capabilities. They set goals and worked towards them while overcoming obstacles along the way. Together they successfully achieved their ambitions.  Olivier admires his wife's inspirational ideas. In turn Leigh appreciated her husband's initiative and energy. As well as working together they also delighted in playing together. mars opposing mars (orb: 4°) - Arguments and tension were rife in this relationship. Both of them had a strong drive to spend time together, but had difficulty heading off disagreements. The problem was that their desires were in conflict. At times Leigh and Olivier felt as though they were competing against each other. They viewed each other as egotistical and arrogant, whereas in fact they were both exhibiting these traits in the relationship. The trouble is that they both were acting as if they were on opposing sides rather than working in harmony.

bonus asteroids and other observations covered here:

https://astrognossienne.com/2021/10/07/the-doomed-love-of-vivien-leigh-laurence-olivier-an-addendum/

[lokiondisneyplus]

Although Loki has been a fixture of the Marvel Cinematic Universe since 2011’s Thor, the character has never had his own musical identity. That all changed with Loki - the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s latest Disney+ series - and the music of Natalie Holt. The innovative, versatile score is a perfect match for the God of Mischief’s sensibilities and is easily among the best sonic works we’ve heard in the genre.

As such, we were excited to sit down with Holt to discuss the inspiration behind the score’s instrumentation, sticking up for her music in late-night dub sessions, and being part of the MCU.

I want to start right at the beginning. What was your reaction when you booked the Loki meeting?

I just knew that it was the biggest opportunity I'd ever had, and I really prepped hard. I went into the meeting with my ideas really fleshed out, and quite a lot of my responses to the script seemed to by some lucky coincidence fit with the directors. That was cool. I then got to do the pitch after the meeting, so I had to score the time theater scene in episode one, and I totally went to town on that as well. I really wanted this job so much because I felt that Loki was a great character and I was a big fan.

You and director Kate Herron were immediately on the same page in regards to using a Theremin for Loki. What was it about that instrument that appealed to you for this project?

A friend of mine had sent me ‘The Swan’ by Clara Rockmore ages ago, and I just loved the sound of it. I had also been listening to lots of BBC Radiophonic workshops, and I'd seen this documentary about Delia Derbyshire as well so I had all these 1950’s, analogue-y synth sounds buzzing around in my head. Tom Hiddleston has a Shakespeare-like quality to his performance, so I thought this needs to have some kind of classical, weighty grandness. So it was a fusion of those two things.

You weren’t on set for Loki, and I know that is something you like to do. In the absence of that, what sparked your creativity the most?

It was engaging with the character in a really deep way. The storyline really got under my skin and inspired me. I had the Loki theme in the pitch, so that’s been there from day one. And as for the riffs in the theme, I feel like Loki is the Salieri to Thor’s Mozart, so I was listening to lots of that. There's a bit of ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ by Wagner in Loki’s theme as well. That was all in the pitch. Then I had a month to write the suite. That was the Mobius theme, the Sylvie theme, and the Variant theme.

For all the hi-tech stuff we see in Loki, the TVA is also very analogue in some respects and you’ve clearly taken that into account with the score. How quickly did you catch onto that and are there any other ways that are reflected in your score?

I sampled lots of clock-ticking sounds. I worked with Daniel Sonnabend - he’s got lots of old analog tape machines - and we were messing around with that. The tape machine player almost became its own instrument. We had this big church bell for the timekeepers at the beginning of episode four. That was sampled and then downgraded, so it gets glitchy as it goes on to signify what’s happening in the story. I was just messing around with a lot of that in the background, and it's all over everything. There's always an urgency and a time-ticking feeling in the background of lots of tracks.

How long does one spend listening to samples of clocks before you find the right one?

I've got a lot! I'm sure they'll come in handy at some point.

I’ve read that you wanted a score that “reflected Loki’s personality.” What were some of the characteristics you were looking to emphasise and accentuate with your score?

Something that I touched on with Kate, from reading the scripts for the very first time was Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange. In that film, Alex commits these horrendous acts and he's extremely violent, and yet somehow you connect with him. I feel like Loki is the same. He's a likable villain. In the series, he comes to terms with his fallibility and it is quite painful for him. So I suppose my job is to help him reach those emotional depths. When he sees his mother in episode one, his past is calling to him and that's when we hear those haunting Norwegian instruments that suddenly seem to shine. Yearning for your mother is something we can all relate to.

We’ve spoken a bit about the use of the Theremin. What drove your selection of the other instruments?

I did this amazing lockdown project for an ad agency. They kind of got all of their artists to play Pass the Parcel with a theme, and we just did this lockdown piece. I'm not sure how successful it was, but the person that I got sent the material from was Charlie Draper who's a theremin player and a theremin enthusiast. So he was in the back of my mind, and I knew I really wanted to collaborate with him at some point. He played on my demo. And then the Norwegians... I saw them at a concert in Stoke Newington about three years ago. They're in this group called the Lodestar Trio. They're amazing, and they play with Max Bailey. I've known him for years, and I just went to this concert. He did all these interpretations of Bach, but with a kind of Norwegian folky twist. I just loved the instrument combination of the Nyckelharpa, the Hardanger fiddle, and the violin. It sounds mystical and magical and amazing. It felt like the perfect pairing with Loki’s past.

I read that you started with the finale and worked backward. Is that an unusual way of working for you or do you do that often?

This whole show has been a departure from anything I've ever done before, in terms of the scale of it, and, you know, the resources. It's all just been different. I think Kate and Kevin [Feige], the producer, saw it as a six-hour film. They didn't want it to be a TV show. The thing about scoring a film is that you do have that time to really craft themes and to have more of an overarching narrative than you sometimes get to do in TV because there's usually a quicker turnaround. And I guess because of the pandemic as well, I had more time.

I didn’t want to just work my way through the score in a linear order. I wanted to know where I was going and then seed it. I think writing a suite before starting on a picture, and having those themes in my mind before seeing the footage was super useful as well. I think I'm always going to do that from now on.

Are we ever gonna hear the full suites somewhere down the line?

I had never done one before. And I was like, “have you got any examples from anybody else?” So they sent me suites from a couple of other composers, like Ludwig Göransson’s one for Black Panther. I was totally geeking out on that. I heard Mark Mothersbaugh’s suite for Thor: Ragnarok as well, and that was kinda intimidating. But it was really good to hear that they've all gone through this process.

You get to see these epic moments in Loki before there’s any music to it. Was there any particular moment you watched that you were excited to work on?

I read the scripts, and I had Mobius in my head as something very different. I saw him being a bigger person who was quite slow, like a kind of cheeseburger-eating cop. The way Owen Wilson brought that character to life was so brilliant, as was the chemistry between him and Tom. I loved watching their bromance. It was really fun to score them as their relationship blossomed. When Mobius is pruned, that was so awesome. I loved episode four. I had seeded everything and built their friendship up. That moment where Tom walks down the corridor in slow motion with tears in his eyes… I loved scoring that.

Loki is a man of many multitudes, and the show goes down a lot of strange avenues. I love the tracks where you really get to do something different from the main body of the score, like ‘DB Cooper’ or ‘Miss Minutes’.

I had a bit more time for episodes one and two. Like, I had a month to score episode one. By the time I got to episode six, it was really frantic. So, with the tracks you mentioned, I just had the time to do it. Kate was like, “we've got a source track that sort of works, but wouldn't it be really fun if we could do a version of it with the Loki theme?” And I was like, “yep, cool, let's try it.” It was one of the upsides to the pandemic, that we had more time to work on it and do stuff like that. I did a film before with where I got Chris Lawrence - he's like a bass player in London, and he plays in orchestra’s but he also plays at Ronnie Scott’s - and he did the baseline on ‘D.B. Cooper’. He’s so good. And I sang on that track too!

‘Miss Minutes’ felt like a moment to tip your hat to those sci-fi shows and do a pastiche. So I got the theremin and the choir and had some fun with that piece. And again, that's got the TVA theme in it. I think that’s really nice, and it's something they did with WandaVision as well. There's cohesion in the score. Even when you're hearing this jazzy track, you're still getting the Loki theme and you're hearing a different side of his character.

You mentioned how you had more time to score the earlier episodes. Was there anything positive about having less time on the later episodes? How do you prefer to work?

I remember reading something about people who can see colours with music. I feel that I have the same thing with a scene. I can watch a scene and I can start hearing it in my head, and as I get more into a project... I remember watching episode six, and because I was so into the project and into the characters by that point, I was like, that's what needs to happen. I could hear it as I was watching it. I feel like sometimes if you’re spending ages working on something, that instinct can get a bit boiled down. Episode six felt like my most instinctive version of the music because I didn't have time to fiddle around with it. It just felt like that was my very undiluted response.

I like it. Natalie Holt uncut.

I just kind of sketched it all out on the piano as I heard it. It was very quick.

How long did you have to work on that particular episode?

I think it was a week. It was a very quick turnaround with the orchestral recording, and I thought we were going to need more time.

How involved were you with the track Tom Hiddleston sings in Asgardian?

They had found a Norwegian song, and he'd already recorded it. I was like, I think we need a musician in the background. There should be someone on that train who’s a little bit drunk and has an instrument, and it's a kind of space-age fiddle, and they're going to accompany Tom in the scene and I think that's going to really help. Kate and Kevin were like, yeah, that could really work. So I did a few versions where I just took what Tom had done, added some violins,  and then improvised a bit in the middle where Loki sings to Sylvie. And they're like, yes, we've got to do this. So they went back in and shot a pickup of an alien musician in that sequence because I insisted. I really wish it was me!

We know that season two of Loki is in the works now. They better have you on camera.

Oh my god, I'm so up for it!

How did you find it working remotely? Were you involved in the mixing stage at all?

It was kind of frustrating. Getting picture to work in the orchestral recording sessions was a problem. Marvel is very strict about how a picture goes out because they don't want any leaks, so that was quite challenging. I could never send people the picture to play with. It's kind of nice for the musicians to come in and see what they're playing against, but there was none of that. That was a bit of a downside. With that said, it was easier to get hold of people because everyone was at home and really happy to be working. I don't know if I'd have got the job had it not been for the fact that everyone was suddenly happy to accept more remote working than they would have done in the past. So I feel like it's opened some doors. The frustrations and the benefits seemed to be in balance.

Speaking of opening doors, you’re only the second woman to compose an MCU score (Pinar Toprak scored Captain Marvel in 2019). That feels significant.

We're in a time, certainly, where I think people are very consciously opening up opportunities to all sorts of people that wouldn't have had those opportunities before, which I'm really grateful for. A few years ago, I wouldn't have gotten this opportunity until a bit further on in my career. So it accelerated things. We are moving forward. But the thing that I really struggle with… I went to a state school and I got scholarships to study music. It wasn't prohibitively expensive to go to university. I did a master's and I didn't come out with 30 grand of debt. The opportunities are here for me now, but I think if I was young and I wanted to go to film school I wouldn't be able to afford it.

So what bothers me is social mobility. I still think we're opening up our industry, but we're not supporting people being able to study music and being able to get into film, and being able to spend those years doing low-paid jobs from the ground up. I still think we've got a long way to go with that. But I think at my age and my level, I'm just privileged that I did have those bursaries and those opportunities to study music, and I hope they're still there for my daughter's generation.

You have a lot of synths in this score. How tricky was it to find that balance between the classical and modern instruments?It's a blend. There’s some in-the-box stuff. Some of the synths are recorded, and then I ran them through the analog tape machine to dirty them up. I've got a Juno 60, so I've got some analog synths going on. It's such a weird process, isn't it? Creating something and being like, no, that's right! Jake Jackson - who mixed the score - must feel like I’m a complete control freak. I was like, “yeah I really like your mix but can you just go back and basically listen to my demo?” I was quite specific with him. He did an amazing job. The D.B. Cooper track... I cannot believe that he made it sound like that. I've never worked with him before, and handing your work over to an engineer does feel a bit like, oh, how's this gonna be? But it was a really, really great experience, and I think Jake is a genius. He really gets it, and he was really collaborative and respectful of my intentions with everything. I never felt like he was trying to put his mark on anything. It was a really smooth part of the process.

What conversations do you have about how prevalent your music is in the mix when it comes to the TV side of things?

I was so obsessed with Loki that I couldn’t let it go. I went to the dub even when it was two o'clock in the morning. I just wanted to check in and I was calling Kate and asking her, “please can you turn the music up here?” I was like a dog with a bone until it was ripped out of my mouth and they were like that’s it now, this episode is locked. I definitely fought for things to be turned up.

You had a 32-piece choir for the last 2 episodes. What was it like to get that recording in? Are you watching as they’re recording it from a remote location?

They were a Hungarian choir. The male singers could really go down. I was adding notes in at the bottom for those guys to sing. I didn’t know anyone could sing that low. That was cool. I had never recorded a choir before, so it was a new one for me. I was really lucky to have Andy Brown from the London Metropolitan orchestra. He assisted me with the Brass and singing sessions.

I imagine that one of the cooler things about scoring something like Loki is that you are now part of the wider MCU universe. I think I heard hints of Alan Silvestri’s Avengers cue a couple of times…

I put in a Loki version of the Avengers theme at the end of episode 4. Also, at the very start of the season before the title card, it goes from an Alan Silvestri cue and then segues and then I take it over. It was really cool to get to play around with the multitrack from that. I was always a big fan of the Thor: Ragnarok and Black Panther scores, so those were kind of my inspirations. I was just kind of honoured to be in the same league as those people and those scores because I thought they were great and quirky and had all these interesting flavours and textures.

I love that you’ve been given the freedom to be as bold as you’ve been with your score.

I wanted to do something a bit different, and Marvel's TV ventures... they're wanting to do something a bit different and challenging as well with this new direction that they're taking. It felt like there was a lot of creative freedom being dished out with this series, in every department. Kate was like, “let's try this DB Cooper scene with the theme, if it doesn't work then it's fine.” It was just trying things out and seeing what stuck.

I remember handing over my score for episode one, just before Christmas 2020. I'd scored the whole thing and was very nervous because I think it was the first time Kevin Feige and the execs were going to hear my stuff. I’d really worked hard on it, and it had a lot of live stuff. There was just one note back from Kevin Feige - push it further. I think that's so cool. As we went on the execs were really happy with it, I got calls from Victoria Alonso and Louis D’Esposito [Marvel producers]. They both rang me and just thanked me and they were like, 'we're just so happy that you've taken the ball and run with it'. I couldn't have asked for a nicer bunch of people to work with. I wasn't sure how it was going to be, I was a bit intimidated. I thought it might be a bit more terrifying. But actually, it turned out to be a really amazing, fulfilling experience.

Welcome to the world of Loki YouTube covers! How far down that rabbit hole have you fallen, and how much are you enjoying that side of the MCU experience?

It's really flattering. I’ve posted some of them on my Twitter. It’s just amazing how quickly people will post music from the show after episodes. They sound almost the same as my demo, and they’ve knocked it out in about two hours the minute after they’ve watched the episode.

Once your work on Loki was complete, how did you detox? Do you delete all your voice memos?

I've still got them. The TVA theme actually came to me as I was walking down the high street. I've got some in the bank for the future as well. I'm always noodling and sketching things down on manuscript paper. How do I detox? I just bought a new piano. It’s 100 years old. I haven't had a piano for a bit, so I've just been playing a lot of Bach.

[crystalirises]

Na Tinuruan Mo ang Puso Ko na Umibig na Tunay (That You Really had Taught My Heart How to Truly Fall in Love)

wawawawawawa finally wrote this!

Just a note, this is a songfic and the song used is originally sang in Filipino. The bold italicized texts are the original lyrics while the italicized lyrics within dialogue is the English translation. Also note, I did use English lyrics from a website so I want this to be clear, the English lyrics are different from the original a bit so... Even though you can't understand the song, if you want to, you can try to listen to the original song (which is in Filipino) Anyway, bye bye.

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886223/chapters/79904587

‘Kamukha mo si Paraluman

Nu'ng tayo ay bata pa

At ang galing-galing mong sumayaw

Mapa-Boogie man o Cha-Cha’

“You looked just like Paraluman, when were kids before…” He glanced up at Fundy, his hands fidgeting against the diner table in front of him. Their song was playing in the background, memories of their youth racing through his mind. The fox hybrid glared at him from the other side of the table, arms crossed in front of his chest and with bags underneath his eyes. He didn’t know what had come over him, honestly. Meeting up with his… ex-boyfriend? Well, here they were now. In a rundown diner in the middle of the nothing-town that they both had grown up in. Both washed-up losers. “And you danced so beautifully, whether it’s Boogie or a Cha-cha.”

“You came all this way… All this way, Dream… just for that to be your first words?”

“I’m just trying to reminisce, sta一 Funds. No need to be so aggressive, it wasn’t as if you were planning on saying anything anyway.” He huffed, adjusting his hands until they were hidden inside the pockets of his sweater. Fundy’s eyes had narrowed into thin slits, no doubt at Dream’s accidental slip of an old nickname. He wasn’t sure why he still remembered it. That was such a long time ago. Both of them were practically stupid teenagers when he had dubbed his then-boyfriend with the nickname star. He didn’t even remember why he’d called Fundy that. He leaned his head against the seat, wincing at the loud groans and squeaks of the springs beneath him. Gods, he’d always hated this place. “I don’t know what to say, okay? Then that song started to play and I just said what came to mind… Look, just… let me remember who we were, okay?”

‘Ngunit ang paborito

Ay pagsayaw mo ng El Bimbo

Nakakaindak, nakakaaliw

Nakakatindig-balahibo’

He smiled, nodding along as though that was answer enough for himself. “I think my favorite was when you danced to the El Bimbo.” He glanced around the diner, glad to find that there was no one there, except for the waitress by the counter who was throwing him weird glances. He thinks he knows her, from long ago. Perhaps in high school, a familiar face who looked on at him with pity that made him want to run out of there. Still, Fundy was right in front of him, waiting for him to get to the point. “It makes me shiver, it’s like a show. It makes my hair go straight.”

‘He remembers the first time he’d seen Fundy. It had been a passing moment, a flicker of a lifetime. Yet he had paused that day, eyes drawn to the dancer upon that empty stage of their local school theater. He had disappeared into the room to escape the crowd of high school, needing a moment for himself, and that was when he looked up and saw him. A boy his age, dancing across the stage to a song that he couldn’t quite remember anymore. Fundy had never once looked his way, too enthralled in his steps and in the music to pay attention to a rowdy jock like him. He had stayed until the end, mouth hanging open in shock. His hand had made its way to his chest, his heart racing madly that he had feared it would explode. He was enraptured.’

“You’re lucky I didn’t look up that day. Imagine… being stared up by a creep!”

“I was not一 I was not being a creep.”

“You’re just lucky you’re cute.”

‘Pagkagaling sa 'skwela

Ay didiretso na sa inyo

At buong maghapon ay tinuturuan mo ako’

“After my classes were dismissed I went into your house.” Dream chuckled, shaking his head at the thought. The amount of minutes he’d spent climbing up the tree so he could scale the branch to enter Fundy’s room. He nearly once since Fundy had decided to scare him. Dream had been quick to grab onto the windowsill. “And for the whole afternoon, you taught me how to dance.”

“Gods… you fucking prick, do you know how many times my dad nearly caught you?” Fundy reached across the table, lightly smacking Dream’s hand. “He would have skinned you alive!”

“That’s why I’m still alive today, babe. Your old man’s too slow to catch me.”

‘Magkahawak ang ating kamay

At walang kamalay-malay

Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko

Na umibig na tunay’

“As we held our hands together, I had no doubt in my mind…” He remembered those long hot afternoon days, where they would dance to the beat of whatever song came on the record, their hands clasped together so gently. “That you really had taught my heart how to truly fall in love.”

‘He remembers climbing into Fundy’s window, nearly tripping against the bright orange carpet that decorated his boyfriend’s whole bedroom. They were both alone in the house, Fundy’s family being out due to a family outing that Fundy had weaseled his way out of. When he managed to get in, Fundy was already waiting for him, the radio opened to an old song that neither of them really knew the lyrics to. Fundy had smiled at him, reaching to pull him closer. Despite what people might say, when it came to dancing, Fundy always took the lead. He always did. Dream was never allowed to take the lead because dancing was Fundy’s niche and Dream was just a beginner. That one afternoon day, Fundy held his hands in his. But unlike the other times, he had a whole other plan in mind. Dream could only blink back his shock when Fundy slowly leaned in, their lips touching. It was quick, but it was enough to pull Dream in for more. So, he leaned in.’

“Our first kiss.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m surprised you still remember… Then again, I’m also not surprised.”

‘Naninigas ang aking katawan

'Pag umikot na ang plaka

Patay sa kembot ng beywang mo

At pungay ng 'yong mga mata’

“My body starts to harden when the record starts to spin.” His breath would quicken with each step they took within their dance. In that small bedroom, it felt like the whole world just melted away. Dream glanced up, smiling shyly when he caught Fundy’s eyes. He always found them to be mesmerizing, liking the way how gold seemed to glitter in them each time the sun illuminated Fundy’s whole body. “I love when your hips start to shake, as well as the sight of your eyes.”

“I do have great eyes. You loved that about me. You always spent too long staring into them like it would be your last chance to do so. Dream, you do know my eyes were just brown, right? I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about. Golden flecks? You’re too much of a romantic for your own good. Then… I always liked that about you, seeing that other side of you, the other side to the smug jock that people fawned over that it was personally nauseating to watch.” Fundy rolled his eyes from across the counter. Dream nearly jolted when Fundy suddenly stood up, leaning against the booth while he kept his gaze on him. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering despite the warm air of the diner. None of the windows were open. It felt like he was being stripped from the inside out, like Fundy was clawing out every dirty detail that Dream had acquired over the past years of his miserable life. “I… You and me… wow, how did we even—”

“I don’t regret it. You and me. I never once regretted it.” Dream wanted so much to reach out, to clasp a hand on Fundy’s shoulder or even pull him into an embrace. But he couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t. He settled deeper into his seat, resting a hand on the back of his neck. “I regret many of my decisions in life. But falling in love with you… was probably the only good choice I ever made. I would never regret falling in love with you, and I hope… you never once regretted falling in love with me. I loved you with all my heart, Fundy. I loved you so much.”

‘Lumiliwanag ang buhay

Habang tayo'y magkaakbay

At dahan-dahang dumudulas

Ang kamay ko sa makinis mong braso, hoo’

“My life just gets brighter while we're holding hands with each other.” Those had been the best moments of his life. Though what they had only lasted for a few years, it was real. Dream thought it was real. During those afternoons where he would come to visit Fundy, he felt like he could leave his troubles at the window. When they danced, it was just them. The world would never know who they were, would never know the dances and talks they shared. No one could judge them, or mock them, or expect more from them. They were just two teens crazy in love with each other. But all good things must come to an end. Dream lowered his gaze, swallowing down the bitterness in his throat. He remembered that night so clearly, remembered the tears they both had cried. “And slowly, I lose my grip when my hand starts to slip on your shoulder.”

‘It had been a rainy night, cliche but Dream didn’t really find it all that funny. High school was over, and it was time they moved on. Fundy had barely even looked at him the entire time, maybe he was terrified of what Dream would do, but Dream was too busy holding back his own tears. Of course he had expected it. He knew it was coming, he just didn’t think it would be so soon and so sudden. Fundy had apologized, stating that his family was sending him to a faroff college, one that Dream would never be able to get into no matter how hard he tried. It was officially over.’

“I broke up with you.”

“You did… It hurt. It still does.”

“I know.”

‘Sana noon pa man ay sinabi na sa iyo

Kahit hindi na uso ay ito lang ang alam ko’

“I wish that at that time I had told you what I felt.” Dream wished he’d told him how much he loved him. If he had, then maybe… “Even if it's not popular, this is the only thing that I know—”

“Shut up.” He startled, flinching once he realized that Fundy was moving closer. Dream paused once he realized that Fundy was reaching out a hand towards him. “One last dance, Dream?”

“I’d die to have one last dance, Fundy.” He looked down at Fundy’s hand, glancing at the harshness of his palms. Fundy used to have the softest hands, but the years have changed that. Dream hesitantly placed his hand on Fundy’s, pulling himself off his seat before swaying gently to the music. Fundy held onto his hands, a small content smile on his face. Dream could feel the waitress’ gaze on the back of his head, but there and now, he could have cared less. He wanted this last dance before he went to leave again. He wished he could have more than one last dance.

‘Magkahawak ang ating kamay

At walang kamalay-malay

Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko

Na umibig na tunay’

“As we held our hands together, I had no doubt in my mind…” Dream could feel the tears fall past his cheeks, gasping for air. “That you really had taught my heart how to truly fall in love.”

La la la la, la la, la la, la la la

He held on tightly to Fundy’s hands, wishing for that moment to last forever. They danced together, swaying to the tune of the music. Even if the diner hadn’t been empty, Dream would have danced with Fundy if he’d asked. He would have jumped at the chance to dance with again. The song finished, and Dream collapsed back into his seat. It was their song that was playing.

‘Lumipas ang maraming taon

'Di na tayo nagkita

Balita ko'y may anak ka na

Ngunit walang asawa’

“And many years had passed by, we didn’t see each other anymore.” He started shakily, waking himself. “I heard from somewhere that you have a child… but you don't have a husband.”

‘Taga-hugas ka raw ng pinggan sa may Ermita

At isang gabi'y nasagasaan sa isang madilim na eskinita

Lahat ng pangarap ko'y bigla lang natunaw

Sa panaginip na lang pala kita maisasayaw’

“They said you wash the plates in a place called Ermita, and one day, there was an accident that happened on a very dark alleyway.” His head felt heavy, like a hammer was beating in a nail against the back. Dream rested his head against the cool table. He couldn’t bear to look up again. He couldn’t look up again. For his own sake, he couldn’t. “All my hopes for the future had just started to melt away. I guess my dreams are the only place where I could dance with you again.”

‘Magkahawak ang ating kamay

At walang kamalay-malay

Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko

Na umibig na tunay’

“As we held our hands together, I had no doubt in my mind that you really had taught my heart how to truly fall in love.” Still, Dream would hold onto the memories of them. The kinder times.

‘Magkahawak ang ating kamay

At walang kamalay-malay

Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko

Na umibig na tunay’

As we held our hands together

I had no doubt in my mind

That you really had taught my heart

How to truly fall in love

La la la la, la la, la la, la la la

La la la la, la la, la la, la la la

“He talked about you a lot.”

Dream looked up, the waitress was holding a box of tissues towards him.

“He did?”

“He did.”

Dream reached for the box of tissues, his heart burning with ache.

“I just wish…”

“I understand. I wish he was still here too. He was… He is my best friend.”

The waitress wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

“I… We used to date. It’s stupid but… I miss him.”

“I do too. Yogurt, Fundy’s son, he’s devastated.”

“He’s young, and he’s already lost his dad.”

Dream glanced down at the box of tissues, forcing a smile on his face. “That’s why I’m here.”

“Be good to him, or I will hunt you down and kill you.”

He laughed at that, reaching for one of the tissues. “Thank you, Miss…?”

“Niki. It’s Niki.”

She reached down, patting his shoulder.

She gave him a bittersweet smile.

“Fundy would have… He trusted you. So, be good to Yogurt for him, please.”

“I will.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Killed off Fundy, not feeling good ;-;

Also Yogurt is mentioned but not significant, I'm so sorry Yogurt ;-;

Also rip the imagery of Dream dancing alone in the middle of an empty diner ;-;

[kuramirocket]

Imagine having a songwriter accompany you through life — follow you from one country to the next — and sing of your trials and victories, your history. That’s what Jesus “Chuy” Negrete did for Mexican immigrants and their children.

Negrete is being remembered this weekend at the National Museum of Mexican Art. He died May 27 at the age of 72.

The treasured folk singer was dubbed “the Chicano Woody Guthrie,” and for decades the troubadour of Chicago’s barrios and the Chicano movement sang his heart out at protests and picket lines, festivals and Latino studies conferences nationwide.

People who met Negrete never forgot him. His guitar and harmonica were like extensions of his body. He was full of jokes and stories — in Spanish, English and Spanglish — all set to song. His specialty was the corrido, Mexican folk ballads he used to document the Chicano experience and highlight social and political causes.

Negrete frequently talked about the role of the corrido in the Mexican Revolution, how it functioned like a newspaper.

"They used this oral tradition to keep alive their history, and to make political commentary. It was their story, their history books. … The corrido then is to the Chicano — the Mexican American — what the blues is to the Black man" said Negrete.

Negrete’s lyrics were full of Mexican humor and frequently involved foibles around learning English. He poked fun at the powerful and always gave the little guy the last laugh. He could have crowds laughing hysterically, and at the same time deliver biting critiques of cultural imperialism, exploitation of farmworkers or the state of education for Latino youth.

In one of his songs, Negrete tells the story of how teachers changed Mexican students’ names:

If your name was Felipe? Phil! Humberto? Bert. Domingo? Sunday. If your name was Domingo Nieves — Ice Cream Sunday!

Later in the song, Negrete says the nun at “Our Lady of Perpetual Racism” school decides not to shorten his cousin Facundo’s name. “I think we’re going to have to call you Joe,” she says.

Wherever there was a protest, Chuy was there

Negrete lived the experience he sang about. He was born in Mexico. He spent his early years in Texas, where his parents were migrant workers. When he was seven, his family moved to South Chicago for work in the steel mills.

Labor issues — in particular farmworker issues — remained a motivation and theme in his music throughout his life.

“Wherever there was a protest, Chuy would be found there,” said Congressman Jesus “Chuy” Garcia, who knew Negrete for decades. “Whether it was in the back of a pickup truck, in a parking lot. He would be there and he would play his heart out.”

Negrete was brilliantly spontaneous. If he was singing on a picket line, his lyrics would mention strikers right there walking the line. At the Fiesta del Sol, he’d incorporate the señoras making enchiladas into the song. If a kid toddled by, he’d work him in too.

“He would say, ‘Hey mocosito, how are we doing?’” remembered Garcia. “[He’d] play with the kid and then get back to the story that he was telling. He was just able to just pluck people out of their situation, bring them into the song and then go back to the larger storytelling. That was one of his gifts and he was so good and so comfortable at it.”

Negrete grew up hearing the classic Mexican music his dad played when he came home from work at Republic Steel. 

And by his early 20s, he was organizing other young people — including his three younger sisters — into theater and singing troupes that toured the country and highlighted Chicano culture and history.

One of Negrete’s presentations went through 500 years of Chicano history, starting in pre-Hispanic times and running through Mexican independence and the Mexican Revolution.

Using music to educate

Negrete viewed himself as a scholar and an educator. He lectured at universities across the country and was often invited by Latino student groups hungry to learn more about their history and culture.

He believed folk music was integral to political struggle.

“Music is one of the elements that is most utilized by our people,” Negrete told host Linda Fregoso in 1980 on a University of Texas at Austin radio program. “We listen to it, we sing our children to bed with it. Music is a very important element in our cultural world, in our folklore world. So … you utilize the element that is most utilized by the people. … You educate people, they educate themselves. You mix the political with the cultural.”

Negrete was a key part of the Chicano movement nationwide. He worked with Cesar Chavez’s United Farm Workers and the national Farm Labor Organizing Committee.

Negrete’s family saw him straddle two worlds. “Important to a large population, inspiring to a large population — completely unknown to a larger Anglo society,” said Rita Rousseau, Negrete’s wife, who met him in 1988 at the National Museum of Mexican Art’s annual Day of the Dead show, where Negrete was crooning to the crowds looking at the art.

“He’s so beloved within his community and part of so many cultural touchstones and points in history in the United States,” said Negrete’s older son, Joaquin. “He’s the most famous unfamous person.”

Negrete loved to perform. As his health declined over the past few years — and then during the pandemic — he turned to his radio show, Radio Rebelde, which aired on Loyola University’s small station. He broadcast from his dining room table, and of course he wrote corridos about the coronavirus, memorializing essential workers who were disproportionately dying from COVID-19. (Negrete died of congestive heart failure.)

Chicago’s City Council is expected to honor Negrete with a resolution later this month. Negrete’s family is organizing a community celebration of Chuy Negrete this Sunday at the National Museum of Mexican Art. And they’ve been pulling together his many songs, which together document a half century of political struggle and cultural pride for Mexican Americans in Chicago and beyond.

[infinity-squared-comics]

The purgatrio conflict.

Neo went to the first of several places marked on Dr. Crowley’s map. The Hero City Museum Of Art And Artifacts. Makes sense a demon would come here looking for magic, they had countless theoretically magical items, chief among them three of the legendary “infernoble arms”.

There were a few of his classmates there, and he took special notice of the girl from earlier today, who he had helped after a certain someone (*cough*Stellos*cough*) tripped her. Which is odd, since she was walking with three brothers. Even odder, however, was the flash he got from touching her. She seemed friendly, always joking and laughing, smiling and trying to get others to do the same. But her power… her power was terrifying. It was the most evil thing he’d ever felt, hungering for nothing but destruction, the complete antithesis to the kind soul it was attached to.

But now wasn’t the time to ponder the nature of power and of life itself, now was the time for demon hunting. He looked around and saw… nothing. No signs of anything out of the ordinary. He figured to distract himself reading the description under an art piece.

Hmm. “Flower Cardian Zebra Grass with Moon: This piece could not have been brought into this world through the normal means, only through a sacrifice of equal value, and with it’s creation it brought prosperity to it’s creator that only went on to beget more of its brethren. This piece has the soul of the warrior and is one of the most famous works by-“

Neo smelled something burning.

He tuned around and he saw it, a shambling corpse cloaked in fire. He rushed towards it, and so did the girl from before. A shout could be heard in double:

“STAY BEHIND ME!”

Huh. That was usually his line. Ignoring the shout, Neo rushed between the girl and the monster, grabbing a shed beetle skin (he always carried ethically sourced animal parts in his right jean pocket) and took on what he had dubbed “Flare Mode” for the burning sensation caused by the acid he could now produce. With the extra protection he readied the staff given to him by his teacher and struck at the monster before him.

*bop*

Huh. That was anticlimactic. The creature deflected the staff with a wave of its hand and a wave of fire, which is odd since fire tends not to have much force on its own. Hmm… maybe instead of fire, this creature produced a highly combustible substance that inflamed with contact to-

*SMASH!!*

Oh right, fire monster. Trying not to think about the ancient artifact that may have just been smashed, Neo readied himself for a confrontation. He shot a spray of acid towards the creature that… traveled right through it and into the wall. Again, anticlimactic. A punch would burn his skin, even if it is now partially covered with a resilient carapace. It’s to weary of the staff and acid just went through it and now it looks like it also may have gotten its attention. Uh oh. He had nothing to defend himself with. If this beast attacked, he would be-

*Pfloom*

A jet of fire flew past him, except… it was a different color. A deep purplish red, the color he’d been told wine was (he didn’t know because he was a good kid who avoided places where alcohol was served). And it seemed to have come from…

The girl from before stood wreathed in this fire. She looked positively terrifying. And then, she didn’t.

“Hi. Name’s Vidya. You helped me earlier today when that theater kid tripped me. You might not remember, but-“

“I do. I’m Neo, by the way.”

“Well Neo, you did well, but it looks like this fight’s more my speed”

“If only I had an archer fish”

“How would you get an archer fish?”

“You’re not questioning how it would help us?”

“‘Course not. Archer fish shoot water, monster made of fire, pretty self explanatory.”

��Well if I had one I could shoot water and-“

“Wait. Your power, you can copy animal’s abilities?”

“Well yeah, but without any fireproof creature around, that’s not going to be of much-“

“Copy mine.”

“What?”

The veil of flames surrounding Vidya subsides. “Copy mine. My fire can just push this thing around, but if it was getting pushed from both sides…”

Neo surprised Vidya with a hand to her shoulder. Soon he changed, eyes taking up her signature heterochromatic hues and hair flaring up in a way that resembled horns.

“How do I use them?”

“I dunno. Just, feel them, I guess.”

“Very helpful.”

“Hey I-“

“No. Seriously. Very helpful”

The kids jumped out of the way of an oversized flaming arm. The creature had noticed them again.

“So I just feel it? No special focus or anything?”

“Nope. If anything, it sometimes takes more effort to not catch on fire. Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

With this the two youths jumped into the air and let roar a torrent of flames, bombarding the beast from different directions. Vidya had notably stronger flames then Neo, but no one was going to mention that in the middle of a life or death situation (even though they both absolutely noticed it). Eventually the creature of flames was pushed to the floor, and the onslaught ceased. Vidya looked worried.”wuh oh. I didn’t plan this far ahead.”

“I did.”

With this Neo kept forward with the staff, hitting the beast square in the center of the chest. The beast faltered. Then disappeared.

“Whew,” Vidya let out a sigh of relief “good thing that’s over”

“About that…”

[dornish-queen]

Pedro Pascal on Fame and ‘The Mandalorian’: ‘Can We Cut the S— and Talk About the Child?’

By Adam B. Vary

Photographs by Beau Grealy

When Pedro Pascal was roughly 4 years old, he and his family went to see the 1978 hit movie “Superman,” starring Christopher Reeve. Pascal’s young parents had come to live in San Antonio after fleeing their native Chile during the rise of dictator Augusto Pinochet in the mid-1970s. Taking Pascal and his older sister to the movies — sometimes more than once a week — had become a kind of family ritual, a way to soak up as much American pop culture as possible.

At some point during this particular visit, Pascal needed to go to the bathroom, and his parents let him go by himself. “I didn’t really know how to read yet,” Pascal says with the same Cheshire grin that dazzled “Game of Thrones” fans during his run as the wily (and doomed) Oberyn Martel. “I did not find my way back to ‘Superman.'”

Instead, Pascal wandered into a different theater (he thinks it was showing the 1979 domestic drama “Kramer vs. Kramer,” but, again, he was 4). In his shock and bewilderment at being lost, he curled up into an open seat and fell asleep. When he woke up, the movie was over, the theater was empty, and his parents were standing over him. To his surprise, they seemed rather calm, but another detail sticks out even more.

“I know that they finished their movie,” he says, bending over in laughter. “My sister was trying to get a rise out of me by telling me, ‘This happened and that happened and then Superman did this and then, you know, the earthquake and spinning around the planet.'” In the face of such relentless sibling mockery, Pascal did the only logical thing: “I said, ‘All that happened in my movie too.'”

He had no way of knowing it at the time, of course, but some 40 years later, Pascal would in fact get the chance to star in a movie alongside a DC Comics superhero — not to mention battle Stormtroopers and, er, face off against the most formidable warrior in Westeros. After his breakout on “Game of Thrones,” he became an instant get-me-that-guy sensation, mostly as headstrong, taciturn men of action — from chasing drug traffickers in Colombia for three seasons on Netflix’s “Narcos” to squaring off against Denzel Washington in “The Equalizer 2.”

This year, though, Pascal finds himself poised for the kind of marquee career he’s spent a lifetime dreaming about. On Oct. 30, he’ll return for Season 2 as the title star of “The Mandalorian,” Lucasfilm’s light-speed hit “Star Wars” series for Disney Plus that earned 15 Emmy nominations, including best drama, in its first season. And then on Dec. 25 — COVID-19 depending — he’ll play the slippery comic book villain Maxwell Lord opposite Gal Gadot, Chris Pine and Kristen Wiig in “Wonder Woman 1984.”

The roles are at once wildly divergent and the best showcase yet for Pascal’s elastic talents. In “The Mandalorian,” he must hide his face — and, in some episodes, his whole body — in a performance that pushes minimalism and restraint to an almost ascetic ideal. In “Wonder Woman 1984,” by stark contrast, he is delivering the kind of big, broad bad-guy character that populated the 1980s popcorn spectaculars of his youth.

“I continually am so surprised when everybody pegs him as such a serious guy,” says “Wonder Woman 1984” director Patty Jenkins. “I have to say, Pedro is one of the most appealing people I have known. He instantly becomes someone that everybody invites over and you want to have around and you want to talk to.”

Talk with Pascal for just five minutes — even when he’s stuck in his car because he ran out of time running errands before his flight to make it to the set of a Nicolas Cage movie in Budapest — and you get an immediate sense of what Jenkins is talking about. Before our interview really starts, Pascal points out, via Zoom, that my dog is licking his nether regions in the background. “Don’t stop him!” he says with an almost naughty reproach. “Let him live his life!”

Over our three such conversations, it’s also clear that Pascal’s great good humor and charm have been at once ballast for a number of striking hardships, and a bulwark that makes his hard-won success a challenge for him to fully accept.

Before Pascal knew anything about “The Mandalorian,” its showrunner and executive producer Jon Favreau knew he wanted Pascal to star in it.

“He feels very much like a classic movie star in his charm and his delivery,” says Favreau. “And he’s somebody who takes his craft very seriously.” Favreau felt Pascal had the presence and skill essential to deliver a character — named Din Djarin, but mostly called Mando — who spends virtually every second of his time on screen wearing a helmet, part of the sacrosanct creed of the Mandalorian order.

Convincing any actor to hide their face for the run of a series can be as precarious as escaping a Sarlacc pit. To win Pascal over in their initial meeting, Favreau brought him behind the “Mandalorian” curtain, into a conference room papered with storyboards covering the arc of the first season. “When he walked in, it must have felt a little surreal,” Favreau says. “You know, most of your experiences as an actor, people are kicking the tires to see if it’s a good fit. But in this case, everything was locked and loaded.”

Needless to say, it worked. “I hope this doesn’t sound like me fashioning myself like I’m, you know, so smart, but I agreed to do this [show] because the impression I had when I had my first meeting was that this is the next big s—,” Pascal says with a laugh.

Favreau’s determination to cast Pascal, however, put the actor in a tricky situation: Pascal’s own commitments to make “Wonder Woman 1984” in London and to perform in a Broadway run of “King Lear” with Glenda Jackson barreled right into the production schedule for “The Mandalorian.” Some scenes on the show, and in at least one case a full episode, would need to lean on the anonymity of the title character more than anyone had quite planned, with two stunt performers — Brendan Wayne and Lateef Crowder — playing Mando on set and Pascal dubbing in the dialogue months later.

Pascal was already being asked to smother one of his best tools as an actor, extraordinarily uncommon for anyone shouldering the newest iteration of a global live-action franchise. (Imagine Robert Downey Jr. only playing Iron Man while wearing a mask — you can’t!) Now he had to hand over control of Mando’s body to other performers too. Some actors would have walked away. Pascal didn’t.

“If there were more than just a couple of pages of a one-on-one scene, I did feel uneasy about not, in some instances, being able to totally author that,” he says. “But it was so easy in such a sort of practical and unexciting way for it to be up to them. When you’re dealing with a franchise as large as this, you are such a passenger to however they’re going to carve it out. It’s just so specific. It’s ‘Star Wars.'” (For Season 2, Pascal says he was on the set far more, though he still sat out many of Mando’s stunts.)

“The Mandalorian” was indeed the next big s—, helping to catapult the launch of Disney Plus to 26.5 million subscribers in its first six weeks. With the “Star Wars” movies frozen in carbonite until 2023 (at least), I noted offhand that he’s now effectively the face of one of the biggest pop-culture franchises in the world. Pascal could barely suppress rolling his eyes.

“I mean, come on, there isn’t a face!” he says with a laugh that feels maybe a little forced. “If you want to say, ‘You’re the silhouette’ — which is also a team effort — then, yeah.” He pauses. “Can we just cut the s— and talk about the Child?”

Yes, of course, the Child — or, as the rest of the galaxy calls it, Baby Yoda. Pascal first saw the incandescently cute creature during his download of “Mandalorian” storyboards in that initial meeting with Favreau. “Literally, my eyes following left to right, up and down, and, boom, Baby Yoda close to the end of the first episode,” he says. “That was when I was like, ‘Oh, yep, that’s a winner!'”

Baby Yoda is undeniably the breakout star of “The Mandalorian,” inspiring infinite memes and apocryphal basketball game sightings. But the show wouldn’t work if audiences weren’t invested in Mando’s evolving emotional connection to the wee scene stealer, something Favreau says Pascal understood from the jump. “He’s tracking the arc of that relationship,” says the showrunner. “His insight has made us rethink moments over the course of the show.” (As with all things “Star Wars,” questions about specifics are deflected in deference to the all-powerful Galactic Order of Spoilers.)

Even if Pascal couldn’t always be inside Mando’s body, he never left the character’s head, always aware of how this orphaned bounty hunter who caroms from planet to planet would look askance at anything that felt too good (or too adorable) to be true.

“The transience is something that I’m incredibly familiar with, you know?” Pascal says. “Understanding the opportunity for complexity under all of the armor was not hard for me.”

When Pascal was 4 months old, his parents had to leave him and his sister with their aunt, so they could go into hiding to avoid capture during Pinochet’s crackdown against his opposition. After six months, they finally managed to climb the walls of the Venezuelan embassy during a shift change and claim asylum; from there, the family relocated, first to Denmark, then to San Antonio, where Pascal’s father got a job as a physician.

Pascal was too young to remember any of this, and for a healthy stretch of his childhood, his complicated Chilean heritage sat in parallel to his life in the U.S. — separate tracks, equally important, never quite intersecting. By the time Pascal was 8, his family was able to take regular trips back to Chile to visit with his 34 first cousins. But he doesn’t remember really talking about any of his time there all that much with his American friends.

“I remember at one point not even realizing that my parents had accents until a friend was like, ‘Why does your mom talk like that?'” Pascal says. “And I remember thinking, like what?”

Besides, he loved his life in San Antonio. His father took him and his sister to Spurs basketball games during the week if their homework was done. He hoodwinked his mother into letting him see “Poltergeist” at the local multiplex. He watched just about anything on cable; the HBO special of Whoopi Goldberg’s one-woman Broadway show knocked him flat. He remembers seeing Henry Thomas in “E.T.” and Christian Bale in “Empire of the Sun” and wishing ardently, urgently, I want to live those stories too.

Then his father got a job in Orange County, Calif. After Pascal finished the fifth grade, they moved there. It was a shock. “There were two really, really rough years,” he says. “A lot of bullying.”

His mother found him a nascent performing arts high school in the area, and Pascal burrowed even further into his obsessions, devouring any play or movie he could get his hands on. His senior year, a friend of his mother’s gave Pascal her ticket to a long two-part play running in downtown Los Angeles that her bad back couldn’t withstand. He got out of school early to drive there by himself. It was the pre-Broadway run of “Angels in America.”

“And it changed me,” he says with almost religious awe. “It changed me.”

After studying acting at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, Pascal booked a succession of solid gigs, like MTV’s “Undressed” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” But the sudden death of his mother — who’d only just been permitted to move back to Chile a few years earlier — took the wind right from Pascal’s sails. He lost his agent, and his career stalled almost completely.

As a tribute to her, he decided to change his professional last name from Balmaceda, his father’s, to Pascal, his mother’s. “And also, because Americans had such a hard time pronouncing Balmaceda,” he says. “It was exhausting.”

Pascal even tried swapping out Pedro for Alexander (an homage to Ingmar Bergman’s “Fanny and Alexander,” one of the formative films of his youth). “I was willing to do absolutely anything to work more,” he says. “And that meant if people felt confused by who they were looking at in the casting room because his first name was Pedro, then I’ll change that. It didn’t work.”

It was a desperately lean time for Pascal. He booked an occasional “Law & Order” episode, but mostly he was pounding the pavement along with his other New York theater friends — like Oscar Isaac, who met Pascal doing an Off Broadway play. They became fast, lifelong friends, bonding over their shared passions and frustrations as actors.

“It’s gotten better, but at that point, it was so easy to be pigeonholed in very specific roles because we’re Latinos,” says Isaac. “It’s like, how many gang member roles am I going to be sent?” As with so many actors, the dream Pascal and Isaac shared to live the stories of their childhoods had been stripped down to its most basic utility. “The dream was to be able to pay rent,” says Isaac. “There wasn’t a strategy. We were just struggling. It was talking about how to do this thing that we both love but seems kind of insurmountable.”

As with so few actors, that dream was finally rekindled through sheer nerve and the luck of who you know, when another lifelong friend, actor Sarah Paulson, agreed to pass along Pascal’s audition for Oberyn Martell to her best friend Amanda Peet, who is married to “Game of Thrones” co-showrunner David Benioff.

“First of all, it was an iPhone selfie audition, which was unusual,” Benioff remembers over email. “And this wasn’t one of the new-fangled iPhones with the fancy cameras. It looked like s—; it was shot vertical; the whole thing was very amateurish. Except for the performance, which was intense and believable and just right.”

Before Pascal knew it, he found himself in Belfast, sitting inside the Great Hall of the Red Keep as one of the judges at Tyrion Lannister’s trial for the murder of King Joffrey. “I was between Charles Dance and Lena Headey, with a view of the entire f—ing set,” Pascal says, his eyes wide and astonished still at the memory. “I couldn’t believe I didn’t have an uncomfortable costume on. You know, I got to sit — and with this view.” He sighs. “It strangely aligned itself with the kind of thinking I was developing as a child that, at that point, I was convinced was not happening.”

And then it all started to happen.

In early 2018, while Pascal was in Hawaii preparing to make the Netflix thriller “Triple Frontier” — opposite his old friend Isaac — he got a call from the film’s producer Charles Roven, who told him Patty Jenkins wanted to meet with him in London to discuss a role in another film Roven was producing, “Wonder Woman 1984.”

“It was a f—ing offer,” Pascal says in an incredulous whisper. “I wasn’t really grasping that Patty wanted to talk to me about a part that I was going to play, not a part that I needed to get. I wasn’t able to totally accept that.”

Pascal had actually shot a TV pilot with Jenkins that wasn’t picked up, made right before his life-changing run on “Game of Thrones” aired. “I got to work with Patty for three days or something and then thought I’d never see her again,” he says. “I didn’t even know she remembered me from that.”

She did. “I worked with him, so I knew him,” she says. “I didn’t need him to prove anything for me. I just loved the idea of him, and I thought he would be kind of unexpected, because he doesn’t scream ‘villain.'”

In Jenkins’ vision, Max Lord — a longstanding DC Comics rogue who shares a particularly tangled history with Wonder Woman — is a slick, self-styled tycoon with a knack for manipulation and an undercurrent of genuine pathos. It was the kind of larger-than-life character Pascal had never been asked to tackle before, so he did something equally unorthodox: He transformed his script into a kind of pop-art scrapbook, filled with blown-up photocopies of Max Lord from the comic books that Pascal then manipulated through his lens on the character.

Even the few pages Pascal flashes to me over Zoom are quite revealing. One, featuring Max sporting a power suit and a smarmy grin, has several burned-out holes, including through the character’s eye. Another page features Max surrounded by text bubbles into which Pascal has written, over and over and over again in itty-bitty lettering, “You are a f—ing piece of s—.”

“I felt like I had wake myself up again in a big way,” he says. “This was just a practical way of, like, instead of going home tired and putting Netflix on, [I would] actually deal with this physical thing, doodle and think about it and run it.”

Jenkins is so bullish on Pascal’s performance that she thinks it could explode his career in the same way her 2003 film “Monster” forever changed how the industry saw Charlize Theron. “I would never cast him as just the stoic, quiet guy,” Jenkins says. “I almost think he’s unrecognizable from ‘Narcos’ to ‘Wonder Woman.’ Wouldn’t even know that was the same guy. But I think that may change.”

When people can see “Wonder Woman 1984” remains caught in the chaos the pandemic has wreaked on the industry; both Pascal and Jenkins are hopeful the Dec. 25 release date will stick, but neither is terribly sure it will. Perhaps it’s because of that uncertainty, perhaps it’s because he’s spent his life on the outside of a dream he’s now suddenly living, but Pascal does not share Jenkins’ optimism that his experience making “Wonder Woman 1984” will open doors to more opportunities like it.

“It will never happen again,” Pascal says, once more in that incredulous whisper. “It felt so special.”

After all he’s done in a few short years, why wouldn’t Pascal think more roles like this are on his horizon?

“I don’t know!” he finally says with a playful — and pointed — howl. “I’m protecting myself psychologically! It’s just all too good to be true! How dare I!”

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Out Tonight (Part 1)

Part 2 ->

Summary: Barba would never admit to being a RENT geek, but when he gets drunk and no one from the SVU squad is there to see him, he can’t resist the siren call of the karaoke stage. You would never approach a stranger at a bar, but when you hear Barba singing your favorite musical, you gather the courage to ask for a duet. 

Rafael Barba x Female Reader

Warning: NSFW, 18+, Dub-con!! Everyone is enthusiastically willing, but also super drunk. So... use your best judgement. (No smut this chapter just some intense kissing)

4,144 words

The thing about Scotch whisky is, it’s a drink meant to be sipped. A.D.A. Rafael Barba drank a Scotch every day, especially after a difficult case. One or two, mulled upon over the course of an hour. 

At over 40 percent alcohol by volume, the practical difference between Scotch, the gentleman’s drink favored by lawyers and Wall Street executives, and the tequila swigged by rednecks ripping their shirts off at a dive bar is the speed at which the beverages are consumed.

The thing about being a Scotch drinker is, you’re only ever one particularly bad day and a few extra drams carelessly tipped down the hatch away from getting well and truly shitfaced.

This would never happen to A.D.A. Barba. He had complete control of himself at all times. In the courtroom. In his manner of dress. In his speech. He won cases other prosecutors wouldn’t dare to take on, because he was meticulous. He was relentless. And he never let his guard down.

But on this particular day, nothing was going according to plan. All week, in fact, a case he was certain of had been falling apart piece by piece, slipping through his fingers, until today, a man who made Barba’s stomach sicken walked out of the courtroom a free man.

It was his fault. He got cocky. The victims subjected themselves to retraumatization just to testify on the hope of getting some kind of justice, and it was all for nothing. He let them down. He let the SVU team down. The look on Benson’s face when the foreman delivered the not guilty verdict made Barba want to crawl inside himself.

So he did what he always did on bad days, and went to his favorite bar alone to sit quietly and numb his sorrows over a glass of Macallan.

Except it wasn’t fucking quiet. This was supposed to be a subdued, sophisticated establishment that didn’t draw a big crowd. This was his bar! But for some godawful reason, the new manager had decided—unbeknownst to Barba—to try hosting karaoke night.

Karaoke!

He scowled at the colored stage lights. Glowered at the rambunctious crowds of young people. Seethed at the bad 80’s music and off-key bellowing. He dropped heavily into his usual seat at the bar and exchanged withering looks with the bartender, who slid him his usual drink without needing to be asked. What the hell was happening to his life? Barba began to wonder whether he had anything under control at all, downing the dram in one shot.

As he gasped on the fiery liquid burning down his throat, he gained determination. They were not going to take his bar from him. Not a chance. If these tourists and college kids wanted to have their revelry, they would have to do it with a grumpy old killjoy glowering at them. He ordered another round.

***

An hour and a steep tab later, and Barba was gripping the microphone with sweaty fingers, belting out One Song Glory at the top of his lungs.

He rationalized it as “better bend than break,” but the truth was, he had dreamed of becoming an actor before going to law school to please his mother. His inner theater geek was always waiting to slip out whenever he let his guard down, but since that was never, it was side he rarely indulged. Tonight, his head was spinning, and it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“One song to redeem this empty life. Time flies—and then no need to endure anymore!”

The wooden bar stool creaked as his weight sank back down on it, and he ordered another drink to question about his life choices. “Will I ever be remembered for anything besides my failures?” he asked the glass. He’d come this far from the poor barrio where he grew up, but every step was a fight. He couldn’t just be good, he had to be better than the privileged WASPs he was competing against. He had to be the best. Every little mistake, every lost trial, could be the end of all he had worked for.

Barba was so busy nursing his latest drink, he almost didn’t notice someone else drunkenly belting a track from RENT. Except, as his head swung up to listen, it wasn’t drunken belting at all. A woman with a low-cut blouse and tight jeans that hugged her curves was singing so seductively, staring right at him. She winked and sweetly begged him to take her out tonight.

No—he was imagining it. He was just drunk, lonely, and pathetic. She was working the crowd, making everyone feel like she was singing just to them. Maybe she was a Broadway performer to have that skill, or at least a master at flirtation. Either way, she was way out of his league. There was no chance she had singled him out.

***

So what if you didn’t know anybody, and it was dangerous to go alone? You were in Manhattan on a Friday night—you were going to go out and have a good time, dammit!

The promise of karaoke drew you into a small but packed bar, and you were a few drinks in when you heard a voice like an angel and a rock-star had a baby singing a song from your favorite musical ever. The voice belonged to a singer wearing old-man suspenders, a pink tie, and a light coating of stubble from not having shaved since morning. He was fashionable, you guessed. Dapper. But it was that expressive voice that mesmerized you. As he sang, your gut was wrenched with the emotional pain woven through each note.

You were smitten. You tried to go talk to him, but the moment the song was over he vanished into the tightly-packed crowd. It was silly. It was far too bold to approach a stranger in the big city, but the warm tipsy feeling in your gut gave you confidence to hatch a plan.

Step one: Locate him from the stage.

Step two: Impress him.

Step three: Bond over mutual love for RENT.

Step four, if you managed to get that far, was a bunch of squiggly question marks and “kiss his face?” hastily scrawled in pencil. It was a long shot, you knew that. You were way too shy, and he was far too handsome not to have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or a husband. Frankly, even if he were single, he was way out of your league. But still, the nebulous step four could simply be “Have a fun night with your new karaoke buddy,” and that possibility alone made you feel like glitter was exploding inside of you.

When it was your turn to sing, you found him from your elevated vantage—he was sitting far from the stage, at the end of the bar—and tried to catch his eye. You’d been using Out Tonight as your karaoke icebreaker for years, so you’d gotten good at playing up the sexiness, tossing your hair and biting your lip. Your clumsy ass had even picked up a few dance moves to spice it up, and you gave them your booty-shaking all when you saw him look up at you.

You were glad you’d worn the jeans that made your butt look fantastic, and your sexiest, strappiest sandals (which were actually Tevas with a two-inch wedge heel, purchased from an outdoor gear store). He was watching you with fascination as you pouted the lyric, “don’t forsake me,” at him.

It sent a shiver down your spine to think he might really be looking at you that way.

The moment you got off the stage, you were bombarded by guys offering to buy you a drink, asking for your number. It was discouraging that Sexy Suspenders was not among them. Apparently your sexy routine worked, but entirely missed its intended target. Then again, a man like that probably let women come to him.

Ducking and weaving past your suitors like they were physical obstacles and not people, you reached Suspenders. The bar stool next to him was open, held by a briefcase and folded suit jacket. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, and his hair was a little mussed. He appeared to be deep in conversation with his empty glass. You took a step forward to approach him, but an anxious constriction in your chest froze you in place.

Who do you think you are?! A gorgeous, sharp-dressed city guy will never even give you the time of day! Your mother’s nagging voice chimed in to warn you not to talk to strange men in bars when you’re out alone, in New York City, no less. You grimaced at your awesome double-dose of anxiety. He would either laugh in your face, or you were about to get murdered. Hooray!

But there was a loneliness in his demeanor that encouraged you he wouldn’t laugh, and up close, you noticed he was so short you could probably pick him up like a little baby chipmunk if things got out of hand. Ignoring how thick his forearms were, of course. But if he crushed you with those, you would die happy.

***

The next singer on stage had started screeching a rendition of Don’t Stop Believin’ with ten drunk buddies, and Barba was squeezing his eyes closed to try to drown them out, so he was caught completely unaware when a tap on his shoulder startled him.

“Is this seat taken?”

His vision blurred. He had to rub his eyes and look twice to be sure he was seeing who he thought he was seeing. “Mimi!” he blurted. “From the—nice, um—no. No one’s sitting here.”

He moved his belongings to the top of the bar, and you sat on the vacated stool, quite pleased with yourself. The bartender immediately handed you a pink icy cocktail with a slice of lime, and pointed his thumb to someone at the other end of the bar who paid for it. Barba followed his gesture to a very cute guy in his twenties and felt a twinge of double-edged jealousy that the most beautiful woman he had ever seen was most likely about to get up and leave him, and that the drink hadn’t been for him, because frankly, he couldn’t blame you. You did get up, but only to crane your neck to find your benefactor. When you did, you gave the world’s dorkiest thumbs up, while conspicuously putting your hand on Barba’s shoulder.

Barba’s lips spread into a smug bastard what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it smirk as he stared down his attractive rival. His head cocked to the side pleasantly. The other man’s flirtatious gaze fell into an annoyed tick. You sighed with relief as he moved away.

Turning back to Barba, you realized your hand was still on his shoulder and quickly removed it. You inhaled and said, “I heard you singing you were amazing do you want to do a duet together? Can we? I love RENT! I’ve always wanted to do Light My Candle—can we do it together?” in one breath.

Your flurried gush of words nearly knocked him off his stool—he put his hands up defensively and sat wide-eyed, nodding slowly as you went full babbling-nerd on him. You may not have been as suave as he initially thought, and oddly enough, he was okay with that. It was disarming, and your enthusiasm was infectious.

Because his instinct to distance himself from anyone he might risk forming a real emotional connection with wasn’t working at the moment, he grabbed you by the shoulders, locked his piercing eyes with yours, and emphatically answered, “Yes. We must!”

***

Having a karaoke partner is essential for Broadway musical numbers, as most of them are duets—two or more characters interacting with each other as the plot of the show advances. Light My Candle was one of your favorite songs, and snagging the mysterious suspendered singer meant you could finally perform it outside your shower.

It was a bouncy back-and-forth duet that was fun to sing, but you forgot how aggressively flirtatious it was until you had to ask him—you hadn’t even asked his name yet—if you had the best ass below 14th street, and about wax dripping between your… um, fingers. But the way he looked at you made seducing him so natural. You just had no idea if it was part of the performance, or if it was real.

When the song was over, you bounced on your toes, clinging to his arm for balance as you tripped on the stairs down from the stage, squealing, “That was so much fun!” He put his hand around your waist to steady you. It felt like it was made to be there.

His face was flushed red and his eyes sparkled with exhilaration, and he quickly agreed to another duet, though he muttered, wiping a light sheen of sweat from his brow, “Thank god no one from the precinct is here.”

Performing together with a partner always makes you feel a connection—even if it’s just drunken karaoke. When you sang one part of a harmony and he picked up the other part, your voices became two halves of a whole. And with musicals, it’s as much about acting as it is singing. He threw so much emotional intensity into the lyrics, which gave you something to respond to, throwing it back at him in fluid conversation as your voice soared above his and dove beneath it again.

You hadn’t had this much fun in a long time, and you had a feeling he hadn’t, either.

Not that you had any way of knowing, really. You guessed it by the ease in which he embodied Roger’s stubborn refusal to open his heart, by the mournful way he lifted his drinks to his lips like he was toasting at a funeral. His expensive leather briefcase and formal attire, too, suggested a well-paid but dreadfully boring line of work, like a financial manager.

Your guess was dead-on, in truth. Barba was vigilant against dating anyone he met professionally. Even if there had been a secretary or paralegal or two he’d had chemistry with, for the sake of his career, he could not afford to conduct himself in a manner that could raise even the hint of a scandal or ethical conflict in the workplace. And anyone he met outside of the workplace… well, he didn’t. His entire life revolved around his job.

The bartender had just brought a fresh round of drinks, and your head rested on your fist, elbow on the bar. Barba was staring deeply into your soul with those pretty green eyes, trying to figure out how he managed to get you and how he could keep you.

“We should do Another Day next,” you grinned.

“Who do you think you are, barging in on me and my guitar!” He sang in a gritty rock voice, poking at your chest accusingly while holding an air microphone with the other. You forgot to be surreptitious and blatantly checked for a wedding ring.

After Roger’s verse, you sang back Mimi’s part, seductively leaning in closer to him. “There’s only us. There’s only this...” As you leaned closer, his eyelids drooped, and his eyes darkened. “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” The smoky smooth molasses of Scotch was strong on his breath. He studied your face hazily, his eyes drawn down to the movement of your lips. There was no mistaking his attraction for a performance now. You sang softer and softer until your forehead was resting against his, your lips almost touching. Then you just breathed.

“No day but today,” he mulled the lyric and the impulsive circumstances that had led him to being with you in that moment. “I should follow that advice more often.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” you murmured. “Here I am in the city, having fun,” your voice slowed to a crawl as your eyes flicked up and down his face, “...with a perfect, handsome stranger...”

His tongue ran over his lower lip again as his eyes dropped to your mouth and clouded over with some sultry thought.

You’re not sure which one of you moved first, but in the next moment his lips were melting into yours, desperate and passionate. That tempting tongue of his ran along your lower lip now, sliding easily inside as your mouth parted to invite him within, swirling in heated wet circles around yours. It was heavy with the taste of Scotch and the faint bitterness of coffee, as if that were all he’d eaten that day. You curled your fingers into his hair and deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth, and his broad arms closed around your back and pulled you off your bar stool onto his lap.

His skin was burning hot, and waves of heat coursed up through your body like you were both on fire. Your pulse thundered in your ears until it drowned out the off-key music, and each pounding heartbeat sent a corresponding throb to your cunt. Your eyes closed. All that existed was the messy clashing of your teeth and tongues, the woody-sweet scent of his cologne filling your lungs, the heat of his strong hands on your back, and the bulge of his cock twitching beneath you.

When you finally had to come up for air, and hopped back onto your own bar stool, suddenly self-conscious of how pornographic that nearly was, all he had to say was, “I’ve never done that before.”

You blinked. “You’ve never… kissed someone?”

“Not someone I just met in a bar!” his eyebrows shot up and he sounded so utterly scandalized, your euphoric high from kissing him came crashing down. He saw you as some kind of cheap tramp for kissing him. Pretentious asshole. Suddenly you felt like shit.

You turned your attention to the second round of that fruity cocktail that random guy paid for. It turned out to be a pretty tasty drink, so you ordered another. Maybe you should have given that guy a chance.

“So, are you here by yourself?” Barba asked your profile, not bothering to hide the patronizing concern in his tone.

“Yeah,” you said without looking up.

“Jesus. I thought so. That’s really dangerous, you know.”

“Ugh,” you groaned and pivoted away from him further, leaving him confused. So first he implied you’re a slut, and now he was pulling the whole, the city is full of predators, but I’m a Nice Guy—let me walk you home routine. This is what you get for picking a guy based on how good he sings.

“I did not mean to imply that. I only meant that I’m usually more... careful.” Oh. You must have said all of that out loud. Oops. “But you’re right to be suspicious of my intentions. There are… all kinds”— he breathed the word out in a jaded huff—“of tactics predators will use. Manipulations, brute force, drugs, fake personas… And all they have to do is claim consent and half the time the jury believes it even if the physical evidence is horrifying.” He was getting visibly angry thinking about it, his drink dangerously close to spilling as he clenched his fist around it.

You stared at him. “Um.”

“Oh,” he cleared his throat, “I’m an A.D.A. for Manhattan. Prosecutor. I’m a lawyer,” he clarified when the acronym earned no look of recognition in your eyes. “Lately I’ve been working with the Special Victims Unit, so when I see someone drinking alone late at night, talking to complete strangers,” he gestured at himself. “You have no idea how many sexual assault cases start with this exact scenario.”

“Big-shot lawyer, huh? Sure, now pull the other one.”

“What?” His head cocked at you in utter bewilderment.

“Pull the other… leg. You’re pulling my leg?”

“I know what it means, I’ve just never heard it said by anyone under sixty. Are you secretly an old man?”

Your cheeks burned. “You’re an old man,” you retorted childishly.

His lips folded in on themselves as he tried to keep a straight face. “I don’t know. What can you tell me about the Model T?”

You took a grumpy swig of the fruity strawberry cocktail.

“What was World War II like?”

“So are you really a lawyer, or do you just use that line to pick up chicks?”

“I am, I am!” he laughed. “I can prove it. Let’s see...” he pulled out his phone, brought up a search result for his name, and scrolled through headlines. “DA’s Office Helps NYPD Persecute Immigrant Families,” “Justice at Last for Serial Rapist Victims,” and others rolled across the screen. He narrowed his eyes as his index finger hovered over each one. “Oh, sounds like I’m an idiot in this one,” his mouth twitched into a sardonic smirk, “and I’m a real asshole here… Oh, look, here’s one where I’m the big hero.” He held out his phone so you could see the photo of him in another flashy suit and bold tie, speaking to crowd of reporters in front of the courtroom steps. He looked so sexy in his full three piece suit, and much more severe, his face hard and intelligent. The caption below it praised his victory putting away a notorious rapist, and identified him A.D.A. Rafael Barba.

“Wow. That is you. Who knew I was doing karaoke with such an important guy?” You slung your arm around his shoulders, which were irresponsibly broad and solid. God, being with him felt so right. Casual touches were so comfortable even though you’d just met, and the way he responded, melting under you, sent a wave of heat through your lower back.

He kept flipping through headlines, his brow quirking a little at one, eyes narrowing at the next. Then he saw one that made him stop scrolling. He put the phone down on the bar and scrubbed his hand over his face and hair, blinking back tears suddenly forming. You caught the glowing screen before it automatically locked. The headline was from today. “Local Teacher Found Not Guilty—.”

His head dropped into his arms on the bar. “It was my fault. If I had done something different, been more prepared...” A sad groan emitted from the Barba puddle.

“I’m sure you did everything you could,” you soothed, and rubbed his back sympathetically. “So one guy got acquitted. It happens every day.”

“I know,” he growled. This fact was the opposite of comforting.

“You’re sure he was guilty?”

“He did it. To at least a dozen kids over the last two decades, but no one wanted to testify, or the statute of limitations was up, and then our key witness… There must have been something I could have done, something I didn’t think of. I let him get away with it.” His shoulders heaved as he sobbed into his arms. “I fucked up.”

You kept rubbing circles over his back, whispering soothing words to him. You leaned down and peppered his head with soft kisses. He shifted off the top of the bar and began crying into your chest, his arms wrapping around you like a baby lemur. You held him tight, suddenly understanding that this was the memory he came here to drown. This was why all night you had caught him looking wistful every time the conversation lulled. “I’m sorry,” you murmured. “It’s alright. Shh.”

His arms tightened around your waist, then relaxed, tension melting from his body. “This is nice,” he sighed into your shirt, enjoying being snugly pressed against you, surrounded by warmth. “Thank you… this is nice.” He never let anyone comfort him like this. Never let his need for comfort show under his stoic exterior. If his judgment were functioning properly, it would have struck him as a red flag how easily he sought comfort from a stranger that he wouldn’t have accepted from his closest friends, but it felt good to let it out.

Eventually, he remembered his dignity and sat up, drying his eyes on his sleeve and glancing regretfully at the wet splotch he’d made in your shirt.

“Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat. He picked up his latest glass of scotch, and swirled its half-empty amber contents before setting it down again. It was possible he had drunk enough.

“It’s OK. You had a bad day.”

His lips tightened at the corners in agreement. “Usually Liv is the only one who tries to cheer me up. So, thanks for…” He closed his eyes and tilted his head. “You’re very nice.”

Your chest fluttered. He was terribly cute, and far too vulnerable for you to be having these lascivious feelings about him.

[yahtos]

i was tagged by @uhthor thank you!! rules: post 7 comfort movies and tag 7 people

1. your name (2016) - it’s a huuuge fave of mine, i can watch it dozens of time without getting tired of it, and this simply doesn’t happen for me so it’s noteworthy

2. the land before time (1988) - it might very well be the first movie i ever watched cause i remember my mum saying she loved it as well and used to watch it a lot when i was a baby. and it’s got dinosaurs in it. and james horner’s soundtrack is just heavenly (to this day i cannot watch little foot’s birth scene without at least tearing up)

3. the grand budapest hotel (2014) - this one is a fave of mine. i went to see it with friends who had already seen it at the cinema and i just had the time of my life. it’s so funny and charming and gut-wrenching at the same time. it’s my favorite wes anderson movie, for sure.

4. jaws (1973) - i saw this one in september and i just fell in love with it. it’s such a perfect movie and the characters are fantastic. love it

5. back to the future (1985) - the trilogy as a whole is still the best movie trilogy ever, to me there’s no denying that, but the first movie is just agyghgdfh so fucking good!! and seeing the whole trilogy in a theater two summers ago with lots of people who had already seen it and others not! it was just perfect. it lasted the entire night, someone started snoring in the last ten minutes and we al had freshly baked pains au chocolat for breakfast at 5am in the cinema afterwards. it’s the best movie, period. (plus marty mcfly is the best protagonist and alan silvestri fucking served with the soundtrack, i really really love this movie)

6. my neighbor totoro (1988) - while it’s not my favorite ghibli overall (although it comes very close), it’s definitely a comfort movie. i remember seeing it when i was in pre-school and just remembering a few things about it (like the tree scene and the music that went with it). and so when i rewatched it years later, it unlocked a flood of memories i didn’t even know i had, and it felt very special

7. men in black (1997) - i watched this movie when i was very young and it stuck with me. i still know some scenes by heart (in french though, i never watched it in english and i don’t really want to? the french dub is so good) and i crack my mum up every time i reenact the “sugar” scene. (and i do it really well too). also, my brain constantly goes back to that “you’re covered in entrails, my young friend” quote and i don’t know why

(there could have been a lot more movies on this list, but i tend to always quote the same so i wanted to mix things up a little bit)

and i’m gonna tag @andresylupin  @toooldforthisbutstill @graduatedpillowmonster @i-was-bored-so-this-happened @urtica-dioica-22 @slapbass @antagonistenthusiast and @lespetitestortuesdemer if you feel like doing it :)