#but i would feel a touch guilty putting them out in a whole analysis for EVERYONE to be able to see

[singsweetmelodies]

Lmaaao at charles "leaves the room as fast as he can when max is there" bc is true! In some some of those cool down rooms moments he always looks like he wants to get out of there and lestappies are like *omg the way charles looks at him* and I see the videos/gifs and it's nothing, like literally just charles giving a polite smile. I think it's bc they're mostly max fans so they don't follow charles interactions with other drivers and end up thinking his normal colleagues from work interactions with max are big signs of affection.

YUP. anon, i literally couldn't agree more 🥲🙈🙈 i honestly do think that most lestappen fans are max fans first and foremost, and it shows in how they interpret the ship.

and like - objectively speaking - i could see the appeal! childhood rivals to competitors to grudging friends to lovers... i mean there's DEFINITELY a narrative there. unfortunately, when they're in a room together, they have less chemistry than an unseasoned piece of chicken breast, as the legendary @mssr-monagato once pointed out. charles could not care less for max - he only smiles at him because he's polite to everyone lmao. and i think that's the thing that lestappies consistently miss. charles doesn't treat max like he's SPECIAL. he just treats him politely bcs that's how charles treats everyone!

ALSO. anon; i really really wanted to do a full-on bitchy analysis, complete with gifs and images to prove my points, of charles' smiles/interactions with max vs his with pierre (someone who he's repeatedly said is a real friend and a good friend.) but. i do feel like that is just a bit too bitchy and horrible to post on main akdgskdbdkdhdn 😭 (i am very happy to bitch about it in private, though, so my DMs are very much open if you are interested <333)

[arcanavoid]

About Julian

In my post About Dorian I mentioned how people in the fandom typically reduce the M6 into one or two personality traits. I’ll be talking about Julian today and the fandom's treatment of him!

I'm going to try and keep this factual and not opinionated, nothing like “he should only be like this” and more like “this is what he is in game, but people show him like this” 

It's gonna be a long post so if you don't want to get into the topic, or don't feel like reading something long then go ahead and scroll by! I don't mind! 

And if you want to make this a civilized discussion then i don't mind talking and hearing others points out either!

So let's go!

Julian is a Doctor who went to Parka to learn medicine and got most of his experience on battle fields while he apprenticed under Nazali. He started up his own clinic in Vesuvia and ended up being hired by the palace to work on the red plague cure, eventually treating Lucio himself. 

After the apprentice died he was stricken with grief, eventually he had an affair with Asra but it didn’t exactly last. He soon found a cure in the form of killing Lucio through sickly hallucinations of the hanged man. 

Julian is a smart man, who often blames himself for things that were not his fault, even putting himself at risk with no evidence simply to save others or because he feels guilty. He loves people with his whole being and yet doesn't trust himself to be around them as he thinks he’ll hurt them with again no evidence. 

So tell me why most of the Arcana fandom will portray him as, for lack of a better word, idiotic and whoreish. 

I know Nyx Hydra poked fun at Julian a few times, mentioning that he likes to use leeches or make him kinky, but that is simply not his whole personality.

Yes, he can be flustered easily, and easy to arouse, and a masochist. But he is also lovey dovey, and soft and mushy and loves with his whole heart not just his dick.

And he literally went to school, i know its a big joke that he simply doesn't know what a medical school is but he literally went to one… and even if he didnt and there's no evidence of that he was at least mentored by Nazali who definitely did go to school. 

Now again i'm not saying he can't be horny, oh on the contrary he is horny, for someone he loves, not just a stranger. And by all means he's not the smartest man in the world, he actively struggles to comprehend magic and the Arcana realms but that's because he is smart with science and medicine! 

And yes you can write porn without plot with him, he doesn't have to show off his undying love in every single thing he's in. and yes you can make him marvel and question magic and still show his smarts in reality. He literally tries to use logic in the tower's realm and figures out that the realm is looped by testing out his hypothesis. 

All I'm saying is that a lot of people reduce his character when he really is rich in personality, and hopefully this will help bring some light as to what his character might look like more fleshed out. 

Another point I want to touch, is Julian as a background or side character. I’ve written a fanfic that was focused on my Mc, Asra, my friends Mc, and Julian. But my friends Mc and julian were supporting cast, so Julian wasn’t as fleshed out as Asra, but i didn’t reduce him to only horny or kinda dumb whenever he was “on screen” his traits just didn’t show as much as it would if he was a main character.

So what should we take away from this? 

Well, Julian can be horny and isn't the smartest man in the world, but he is much more than that! He's loving and cares so much about the people close to him, he's smart and doesn’t know much about magic but is willing to try and figure it out with the knowledge he has. He gives his whole self to someone, his heart and body. And he does not need to constantly show these traits in depth especially if he's mostly a side character in someone's story. 

Julian is a lovely character, and I would love to do an analysis of him after I re-do his route, but I think this is good enough for now.

Of course you can all do what you'd like with him, but when it becomes prevalent that the fandom is mostly thinking of him in a reduced state it becomes a little saddening, and it's good to remind ourselves that he's not all horny and unknowing! 

Feel free to give your reasoning for making him more horny, since i’ll be honest i don't think as many people think they’re dumbing him down. If anything I think Lucio might be dumbed down more, but I definitely notice the dumbing down of Julian too.

[kaiserkisser]

blaise threatening lockhart was honestly so slay- like that was iconic of him

also, more significance with the knife that represents their friendship as just in the last two chapters they’ve both used it to protect the others!! their friendship is just so cute it fills me with joy-

also, the want to point out the fact that it kinda looks like a seems like since winter break dazai has been even more self destructive than normal, which from a character analysis perspective is interesting cause it would suggest guilt, from a character who has for the most part been basically essentially ambivalent to the morality of his actions- almost like being told that he needs to play a villian is less comfortable than the previous act he was putting on. this kinda suggests/ provides proof that the way allegory is characterizing him has that act (the one from first year) be closer to his actual personality than his ‘villainy’.

anyways, more rambling, that dream sequence was immaculate, like the imagery and description are *chefs kiss*and the fact that they bring the entire head up when i thought they were just gonna get some scales or a fang or something-

this chapter was every thing i wanted and more and im probably gonna reread it at least once more today

IKR IKRRR like so proud of you blaise oml get that fraudster nxxjdjdhjd

pleaseeee they're adorable i genuinely love their friendship mori you BETTER not touch any of then or- 🔪🔪 and its a small detail but i loved how even pansy was completely reluctant to give dazai his knife when he talked abt getting proof, and how she also too dazais side against lockhart. and i love how the significance of the knives comes full circle, first dazai stabs himself with it without a thought to protect the loyalty club, and now blaise uses it to threaten lockhart to protect dazai and the loyalty club aaaaaaaaa

hmm, I'll definitely be rereading the whole fic soon, i mean yeah he does seem a bit more reckless and like uncaring of his own safety recentlt, but he's always like that, so i think i probably missed out on that detail. although i was rereading the newest chapter and this line stuck with me- "I'm the villain. I know i am. "

but what would he feel guilt over? Since blaise and draco already know about the port mafia, is he feeling guilty about not telling the rest of the gang or abt pomfrey? i mean, if u see the canon bsdverse, dazai's actual 'personality', atleast in the mafia, would typically be seen like that of a villain, wouldnt it? Though i do feel that its easier for dazai to play the villain in a way? or not maybe my brain aint braining ill get back to this when i reread the whole thing ehehe

i love how the dream included dogs and kennels, rly showing his fear of them, and how it included the club as well- maybe he also had a fear that theyd be on opposite sides? Idk, also i LOVE how he felt safe in snapes arms sjhdidjdjdhfb snape is SO not beating the dad allegations, and i dont think he even actually wants to atp lmaooo (also the fact thag dazai dreamt of sweet things like honey after that? AAAAAAA)

honestly even i had thought that theyd bring up a few fangs as proof, i legit didnt expect them to bring the whole goddamn head LMAO

ikrrrrr allegory's writing is chefs kiss as always ive already reread it twice and u bet imma reread it again jdhddhdbubdhsjqgs

[itsdanii]

i loved the rejecting and regretting series!! could you do one with akaashi and osamu? thanks again!!

Hey, bub. Thank you so much for requesting. I'm happy that you're loving my works, it makes my heart soft 😭♥️ Here's your request! I hope you have a good day and stay hydrated. Mwah!

Rejecting you and regretting it pt. 5

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: rude behavior (resolved), cursing

a/n: Do read the warnings before you proceed. Warnings have been put there for a reason.

ft. akaashi keiji, osamu miya

Title says it all

Akaashi Keiji

With your grades in literature almost at the brink of destruction, you had to swallow your pride and ask one of your classmates to tutor you

While you're the best in most subject areas, you sucked when it comes to literature

You didn't see the point of studying articles, analyzing literary pieces and using poetic words

But for the sake of graduating, you had to take the subject

But it seemed like the subject hated you just as much as you hated it

And so, one afternoon, you slammed a limited edition book you knew Akaashi, your classmate and your crush, liked on his desk and stared at him with pleading eyes as you begged him to tutor you

At first, he rejected the offer, opting to pat your head before leaving the classroom

But you were persistent

It wasn't long then when he started taking pity on you

All your papers had red marks in them and everytime there was a test, you would stare blankly at your paper and jot down nonsense ideas

At the sight of you in the  brink of tears, Akaashi sighed and decided to help, given that you have to focus and not do random stuff during your sessions

And that's how you found yourself in this current situation - hand holding the pen tightly, your eyes focused on the man in front of you instead of the story analysis he's explaining, and your heart beating as if you just finished a 5km run

"Are you even listening?"

You blinked your eyes at him and smiled sheepishly before scratching the back of your head. You knew that a small blush was probably visible on your cheeks now but of course, you had to play it cool.

"Of course," you said with a confident nod. "You were uh, talking about young love."

Akaashi rose an eyebrow at your answer as if challenging you to elaborate.

"The main character was in love with the guy... and the guy doesn't like her? And she-" you paused for a moment and grabbed the book you were reading, eyes scanning between the lines before continuing your probably wrong answer. "She died?"

With a sigh, Akaashi stood up and sat beside you, your elbows pressing against each other as he leaned down to write something on your book.

"Okay, first and foremost, she didn't die. She left. This part here-"

As he continued explaining, you felt yourself getting lost once again. Your eyes scanned over his features, taking notice of how long his lashes were and how flawless his skin was that you were almost tempted to caress it. His scent surrounded you for being too close which tempted you to shut your eyes.

"I like you," you blurted out unconsciously.

The both of you froze as soon as the words escaped your lips, eyes widening and lips parting as you stared at each other with shocked expressions.

Fuck.

Aaashi, who was the first to compose himself, cleared his throat before sitting upright. "Y/n-san, I'm really flattered by your infatuation but you do know that I'm only here to tutor you, right? We agreed to focus. We're supposed to be studying, not flirting with each other."

"I know but..."

"I can't accept your confession, I'm sorry," Akaashi said before sighing. "How about we end this session already? I don't want your mind wandering while I talk here knowing that you're out of focus."

You immediately shook your head no. "It's okay, Keiji. You don't have to like me back, you know? Just let me like you. You can just pretend that nothing happened. I promise I won't do anything that'll make you feel uncomfortable."

Despite your facade, Akaashi knew that you were forcing yourself to act unbothered. It wasn't really hard to figure you out. Like a book, he could read you within seconds and know exactly what you were thinking and how you were feeling, and at this moment, he knew that you were just pretending.

For the sake of not making you feel uncomfortable and guilty, Akaashi nodded before continuing his explanation regarding the story.

Surprisingly, you stayed true to your words. You didn't say anything out of the line nor forced your confession to him. Akaashi admired you for that since most of the girls whom asked him for help from the past were only after his looks and the sake of getting in his pants.

As your session came to an end, you stretched your arms out. You released a breath of relief before smiling at him. "Thank you so much for teaching me, and I'm sorry for taking so much of your time."

You started keeping your things and piling up the books you're going to borrow from the library. Standing up, you gave him a small bow before grabbing your bag. "I'll see you around then?"

Akaashi just nodded and watched as you made your way out of the library, not knowing how hard you were gripping the books you had in your hand.

That night, you cried your eyes out. Sure, at your age, it may seem childish to cry over someone, but this was Akaashi we're talking about.

The Akaashi Keiji.

The one whom you've liked ever since your first year in college. The one you've liked the moment you saw him sleeping inside a nearly empty library, several cups of coffee and littered paper surrounding his table as if he had been studying the whole night. The one who never noticed you but you never failed to notice.

Your Akaashi, or at least in your dreams, he was yours.

You stared at the now empty tub of icecream on your lap and sniffled. Grabbing another roll of tissue, you began to wipe your tears and your runny nose before playing another cliche romance movie to soothe your broken heart.

-

Your study sessions with Akaashi continued for a couple more weeks but unlike your previous meetings, you weren't as enthusiastic.

You were focused and attentive, but it just wasn't the same. Akaashi noticed how you would try to put a bit of distance between the two of you, how you would avoid looking at him in the eye, and how you avoided touching him.

But what he noticed the most, were your swollen eyes the day after you confessed to him. He knew that there was only a 50% chance that it was because of how you were rejected by him, and yet he felt an immense feeling of regret. The moment he saw you, he realized that he never wanted to see you like that again.

But he didn't know how to approach you. No, you didn't ignore him like the other girls do. You also didn't say any nasty remarks nor talk shit about him.

What you did was pretend as if everything was okay, as if nothing happened. It felt normal... too normal.

And it terrified him.

One time during your break, you slipped a test paper in front of him, a big A+ written on the sheet of paper making Akaashi lift his eyes from the paper towards you.

"You did good," Akashi said with a proud smile.

"Mhm, I guess I did," you said before taking the paper from him. "I wouldn't have gotten this score if it weren't for you though. Thank you."

He shook his head no before leaning back on his chair. "That was all on you. All I did was guide you."

"This might be our last study session."

"What?" Akaashi said as he stared at you with an expression you can't quite decipher.

"I mean... I don't think I need any more help. I feel like I can manage on my own already and I've no one to thank but you." You looked away from him before continuing, "I think it would benefit the two of us if we stop this already. While I'm grateful for you, I don't think that it's good for me anymore. I thought that if I acted like it didn't matter then it wouldn't, but Keiji..."

"No," Akashi said with a shake of his head.

"What do you.."

"I don't want to stop this." Gripping his hair, Akaashi, took in a deep breath before reaching for your hand.

"Y/n, I don't want to go back to how things were before. I don't want to be just your classmate. I'll miss how you would stare off into space and daydream while I'm explaining to you and I'm going to miss how you would make up answers just to prove that you were listening when in fact you weren't. I'm going to miss you, and I know that if we stop this study sessions... I may never get the opportunity to be this close to you again, and I don't like that."

Akaashi squeezed your hand in his and intertwined your fingers. "I like you. I like you so much that it scares me."

"Keiji.. look at me, please," you said softly as you tried to take your hand back.

Feeling your movements, Akaashi tightened his hold on you and shook his head no. "Y/n..."

"I'm not going to leave," you assured him and smiled when he finally let go of your hand.

Akaashi watched as you stood up from your seat and made your way to his side. He was then surprised when you suddenly sat on his lap and wrapped your arms around him.

"Did you really mean what you said?" you asked which made him immediately nod.

"Of course. I really do like you." Akaashi carefully wrapped his arms around your waist, watching for any negative reaction, and pulling you closer when he didn't receive any. "You're sitting on my lap and basically hugging me. Does this mean that you still like me?"

"Of course, Keiji," you said with a smile.

"Then..." Akaashi collected your hair to one side and gently placed his hand on your nape, his eyes traveling down from your eyes to your lips. "Can I kiss you?"

With a simple nod from you, Akaashi pressed his lips against yours.

a/n: yes, you made out in the library. This is Akaashi were talking about and there's no way I wont take the opportunity to make out with him in the library lmao.

Osamu Miya

You were one of the lucky fans of the Miya twins, specifically Osamu's

Why? Because you're Aran Ojiro's sister and that meant that you can freely see your crush any time of the day

The team basically treats you as their own sister

Although it gives you a lot of perks, it also had its disadvantages

Because no matter how much you try hinting your feelings towards a certain Miya, he just won't acknowledge it

In fact, you didn't get along with him

Unlike the rest of the team, Osamu would always pick on you

You actually didn't expect it to happen because you thought that Atsumu was the playful one among them

But boy did Osamu prove you wrong

There weren't any time of the day that you won't pick at each other, spouting remarks here and there until the other gives up

It never went overboard though. You both knew your limits and when to stop

Or at least that's what you thought

Because today, he chose to target the wrong topic

You were currently seated in the middle of the court with the rest of the team. All of you were in the form of a circle with an empty bottle in the middle.

It was Atsumu's idea to play a game of truth or dare before you all go home. According to him, it would be effective on "cooling" off their bodies from the intense practice. Even Kita was forced to participate, thanks to Atsumu's constant whining.

With a wide grin, Atsumu spun the bottle which made most of you take in a deep breath due to the anticipation.

Finally, the bottle stopped. The tip was pointed at you while the other side was pointed towards Atsumu.

"Y/n! How lucky of ya! Truth or dare?" he asked with a wiggle of his brows.

"Truth." You couldn't help but roll your eyes after that, knowing that what's to come will probably be something silly.

Except it wasn't.

"Then... If yer given the chance to date someone from the team, who would it be?" Atsumu asked proudly, giving Osamu a side glance before focusing on you again.

You heard your brother groaning from beside you making you giggle. Placing his arm on top of your head, Aran gave each of the members a glare.

"Hm... I'd probably date 'S-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, Osamu let out a loud chuckle. All eyes snapped to his direction, watching him in confusion.

"Sorry, sorry," Osamu said after composing himself. "Did ya really have to ask that? Of course she'd pick Suna. Haven't ya notice the way she looks at him every practice?"

"Huh?" Suna muttered absentmindedly, his eyes lifting up from his phone towards Osamu.

"Don't even try denying it, y/n. Plus, even if ya try, I know Suna will basically reject ya. I mean, I can't even stand ya. If it were me, I'd reject ya on the spot. Yer annoying and too loud and that thing ya do with yer hand when yer explaining? Super annoying. Ah! And don't ferget the way yer nose scrunches when yer deep in thought," Osamu said without any pause.

Once he was done, he titled his head a bit to the side, trying to peek at your face that was now casted downwards, your hair covering most of your face. "Oh, are ya crying? Did I ruin yer confession?"

To his surprise, there were indeed tears streaming down your cheeks when you lifted your head up. Everyone grew silent, completely shocked at the sight.

"I was going to confess to you, dumbass." With that, you stood up, grabbed your bag and ran out of the gym.

Aran immediately stood up to follow you, but not before throwing a glare to Osamu.

Atsumu, who was the first to break the silence, turned towards his twin. "Okay, I know that I'm dumber among the two of us but that was a real jerk move right there, 'Samu."

Osamu could only stare at the gym doors with shock and regret written on his face.

"You're on the bench until I'm sure that you and y/n-san made up," Kita simply said before standing up. "Game's over. Let's all go home."

-

The following days, you avoided Osamu like a plague. It even reached the point that you have to eat lunch inside your classroom instead of eating with the team like you usually do.

Even Aran was pissed at Osamu. Aran knew that a playful banter was normal between you and Osamu but never had it ever reached this point.

You were basically crying all night when you arrived home and if not for Aran's patience, you wouldn't have went home in the first place. When you left the gym, your brother found you in a nearby park, your knees up to your chest and your head hidden from view.

He wasn't oblivious about your feelings towards Osamu but he never mentioned about since he wanted you to tell him or any of the members when you're comfortable enough. It was only unfortunate that the moment you felt confident enough to confess, Osamu had to pull that shit on you.

"C'mon, Aran. I need to talk to them," Osamu pleaded as he tried to get pass your brother.

Aran stood firmly infront of your apartment, his arms crossed over his chest and his figure blocking the door. "You really have the audacity to march your way to our apartment after the shit you put my sibling through? What, you got tired of sitting on the bench during matches? Can't impress your fanclub anymore? Go home, Miya."

"I'm sorry, okay? I wanted to apologize to them but they've been avoiding me. This is my last resort." Osamu said and gripped his hair in frustration.

Once he saw a peek of you trying to hide yourself behind a wall, Osamu immediately grabbed the opportunity. "Y/n, I'm sorry! Talk to me, please!  I... I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry..."

You soften at the pleading voice of Osamu and revealed yourself from behind the wall. Walking over to the door, you placed a hand on Aran's shoulder. "Give us space to talk, please?"

Your brother threw a glance at Osamu and sighed at the determined look on his face. "Alright," he muttered before turning towards you. "Call me if anything happens, alright?"

Upon hearing you hum in agreement, Aran placed a hand on your head to ruffle your hair, chuckling as he heard you whining before he went out.

You invited Osamu inside your apartment, making sure to close the door before settling yourselves on the living room.

"Water?" you asked out of courtesy but Osamu only shook his head no. "Talk then."

Osamu felt an unsettling feeling inside him at your dismissive tone. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"I was used to havin' banters with ya that I didn't realize that I was already sayin' too much. I didn't mean to hurt yer feelings, y/n. I know that it may sound ridiculous considerin' how harsh I was to ya but I really didn't mean those words."

You listened attentively to him as he continued to apologize, your tears once again flowing down your cheeks as you remembered everything that happened. "I really like you, 'Samu. I don't even know how or why but I just do and I guess I was hurt, not only because you rejected me but also humiliated me. I don't deserve that," you said and brought your knees up to your chest, clutching the throw blanket as you sobbed.

Osamu was beside you in an instant, his arms enclosing you as he pulled you to his lap. "I know...I know. I'm sorry," he whispered as he rubbed your back soothingly. "I guess I got blinded by jealousy. I thought that ya were going to say Suna's name so I assumed that ya like him."

Wiping your nose with the sleeve of the hoodie you're wearing, you looked up at him with a frown. "Jealousy? I thought you hated me. Why would you even feel jealous?"

"Do I really have to spell it out fer ya?" Seeing you nod, Osamu sighed and pressed your face to his chest in order to hide his flustered cheeks. "I like ya, okay? I always pick on ya because I wanted yer attention. I didn't actually expect ya to fight back but ya did. That's why I was intrigued by ya, and if ya still like m-"

"Yes," you answered without even letting him finish. With your face still buried to his chest, you could hear his heartbeat picking up. You pulled away from the hug and looked up at him, you cheeks still slightly damp from crying.

"Yer not kiddin'?" Osamu asked as he stared at you, his hand reaching up to wipe your cheeks with his thumb.

"I'm not. I'm still a little hurt so you have to make it up to me, but my feelings? They're still here," you answered honestly.

A smile made its way to Osamu's lips upon hearing what you said. Pressing his forehead with yours, he tightened his arms around your waist to hold you closer. "Thank ya fer givin' me another chance, angel."

After making up and stealing kisses here and there, you and Osamu decided to cuddle on the couch, your back against his chest and his arm resting against your waist.

It safe to say that when Aran came back, the most sour expression made its way to his face. It hadn't even been two weeks when he witnessed you literally crying your eyes out and now, he comes back to you sleeping on the couch with the man that made you cry.

"Fuck my life," Aran muttered with a groan.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[sashannarcy]

hi op what are your thoughts on uhhhh *spins wheel* sasha's season 2b arc (hope that's not too broad a subject)

edit: putting this under a cut bc it got LONG but. enjoy (???)

okay I gotta start by saying I didn't expect the depth of it at ALL; I knew Sash was featured prominently in the ending episodes of s2 based off of what my friend informed me, but like. I was not expecting 4.5 episodes to be almost ENTIRELY centered on their character arc and design (the .5 being the first half of True Colors).

that being said, I think Sash's 2b arc is PHENOMENAL bc of the way the nuance in it is written so incredibly well. this character is about to perform the most antagonistic move that they've pulled in the whole series so far, which is the act of betraying both Anne and Marcy in order to support Grime and get them home safe, if they so choose to go home (as an aside, I think at this point Sash has probably decided that she likes it more in Amphibia than back home, and there's one line that I'll get to that seems to be VERYYYY indicative of that. and if this is the case, it makes sense to me why Sasha would want to help Grime at all and why they don't really seem quite eager to follow Anne and Marcy back home. but! important to note that they still give those two the choice to go back if they wish, because at the end of the day Sash loves them and wouldn't try to force them to stay). and yet we see!! this back and forth!! this FIGHT that's happening in their mind, the way there's a flash of guilt they express at the very end of The Third Temple directly after confirming to Grime that things are still going according to plan, their convo w Anne at the end of The Dinner, the entire plot arc of BotB, and ofc the Sashanne duel in True Colors. I want to make an analysis post for each of these episodes because they're so fucking PACKED w shit to analyze, but I'll try my best to touch on all points here.

obviously we first learn of Sasha's plans to betray Anne and Marcy in The Third Temple. but what's important is that throughout the entire episode, there's several points where Sash switches back and forth between manipulation and honesty. I can talk abt this w confidence just based off of the whole. *gestures vaguely at myself.* but Sasha's initial apology in this episode was sheer manipulation, I think we all know that. however, when Sasha has to do their final test in the temple, those few lines they exchange w Anne in the moments before they raise themself up off the floor and launch themself into battle... those were genuine. they know they've been a shitty friend, and they're willing to accept that. so you have this game, almost, where Sash keeps flipping between putting on a mask to ensure they can keep up their facade until Grime secures the city and genuinely acknowledging their behavior and knowing that what they are doing is not going to sit well w Anne and Marcy.

so with that, The Third Temple sets the premise for the rest of the episodes of the season as far as Sasha's character arc. The Dinner is such a good fucking episode to follow with, because it hammers in the fact that Sasha has not changed. what it ALSO hammers in is she is still acting in her own self-interest - to put it in her words, she wants to get the friendship back under control. they still lash out, they still have a short fuse, they're still heavily opinionated and rough around the edges and prickly because this is an environment where they feel threatened. they're finally reuniting with the two people that mean the absolute most to them, only to realize they've been left out of the narrative. also not for nothing, but their trauma in Reunion got joked about in this episode which led to them blowing up over it, and like. I'm giving that one a pass bc man. anyway. at the end of the episode they say they like who they are, but it's said with a frown, which I think is fucking GENIUS. because there's an actual meaning to this line - they don't ACTUALLY like who they are. we have plenty of evidence that they don't like themself. what they MEAN is that they don't want to change, because that would mean giving up a security that they need in order to keep themself together. AND THIS IS DEMONSTRATED CRYSTAL CLEAR IN BOTB. they literally PURPOSEFULLY detach themself from Anne and Marcy bc they know they want control but they ALSO know that their behavior is just going to hurt the other two, so instead of compromising, they just go hey I'm gonna do my thing and you guys can do yours. and we'll both get what we want. and if that's not evidence that this character is fucking GRAPPLING with how to grow and change as a person, idk what is

and then. sigh. we get to True Colors. ofc Sash goes through on their betrayal - they're loyal to a fucking T once you dig beneath the surface, and they wouldn't just not follow through for Grime. what is absolutely KEY here is the fact that they are still leaving room for their friends' best interests, as in they're not trapping them in Amphibia but rather explaining how they're gonna help Grime take over, implying they'll go back home once they're done, but if Anne and Marcy wanna go back now, that's cool. if she didn't give a fuck abt their wellbeing, she'd just keep them there w her. but she doesn't. and then Anne starts retaliating, and. well. we ALL know Sasha does NOT do well with criticism of any kind. so they just go okay I'll send you back now then (and this is STILL an action motivated by what they think is best for Anne). BUT THE LINE. OHHHH THE SUPER IMPORTANT LINE THAT MADE MY HEAD SNAP UP AND MADE ME PHYSICALLY GO "YIKES" OUT LOUD. is Sasha saying "say hi to your parents for me." it's like a goddamn full-on sucker punch packed into one sentence - seven words, and all of a sudden we know for sure this kid does not have a good home life. I could go into elaboration on Sasha and the way she views familial ties throughout the show, but I won't bc that's gonna take this already super long answer and make it even worse. regardless, Sasha has once again flipped the switch and is indulging in their worst behaviors, which is full on controlling and holding power to act on what THEY think is best in the moment. and the moment Anne snaps, the moment Anne yells about Sasha being a horrible person, literally EVERYTHING shifts and the reaction from Sasha is VISCERAL. and what I mean by that is. it's not just the look in their eyes at those words. it's not just the sudden and complete loss of meaning, of self, of motivation after they've lost Anne's support. it's not just the way they stare at their own reflection in a sword that represents the color of the person they're trying their hardest to protect. it's the way that for the rest of the goddamn episode, they spend it trying to do the one thing they fear the most: giving up control. I'm gonna elaborate on this whole aspect in a different ask bc I was asked abt it, but the way Sasha acts towards Anne after the fallout, especially at the beginning of the duel and during the confrontation w Andrias, is fucking monumental. they struggle so much with how to change their own behavior, yet the very moment they lose the support of the people they've been trying so hard to love and care for in their roundabout way, they can change the way they act. because who the fuck is Sasha Waybright without Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu? in her mind, no one. she doesn't have any idea of who she is outside of this, so ofc she can act differently when she's thrown out in the cold. after all, it doesn't take much to warp an identity that doesn't exist.

tldr; god. how do I sum this up. Sash's 2b arc is smth that's incredibly intricate and complex from the way they constantly flip between desperately needing control and feeling guilty that this is the way they need to live. and True Colors is able to finally demonstrate to us the final piece in how they operate - without their friends, they lose sense of who they are, and their personality comes undone. in 4.5 episodes the writers managed to give us 1000 aspects to their character that we hadn't gotten to explore, and we can see that Sasha was never meant to be the villain. so. final review is that's some good shit👍

[astarlightmonbebe]

the devil judge ep. 4: thoughts

i know i already wrote like five paragraphs of thoughts yesterday. well it turns out i had some more, though this post mostly focuses on what we learned in episode four, as well as other questions, and some analysis.

yohan and the fire.

the number one question we’re (the viewers) left with at the end of the episode is how much of the story yohan tells gaon is true. considering what we know, i would say most of it is, but likely there are some crucial parts are different. now, this isn’t only based on yohan’s cryptic, ‘i knew it, people like stories like this.’ 

here’s what we know about the fire, and about yohan:

1) in episode one, at the ending when yohan looks at gaon, he sees a fire, and remembers seeing his brother looking at him. he also remembers touching his brother’s face, with what looks like a teddy bear in his hand - which i’m pretty sure we see elijah holding in the episode four fire. since this is introduced first, in episode one, and is obviously a true flashback, i am assuming that this actually happened. however, in yohan’s events, we don’t actually see this scene. of course, it might just have been omitted between yohan crying and then him leaving the church, but it’s certainly interesting, especially because parts we see in flashback usually make an appearance when the full memory is revealed. also note that the scene of his brother looking at him happened after the fire was actually put out, in the blue lighting, when he should have already been dead - of course, it could have just been what yohan saw when he looked at gaon, or it could have actually happened. 

2) the firefighter. in episode two, i think, we see yohan looking at homeless people and checking their wrists. his motive is confirmed in episode four, when he finally finds the firefighter who stole isaac’s watch. however, the firefighter is terrified enough of yohan that he has a panic attack of sorts when he sees him and then flees, eventually accumulating in his suicide. now, this reaction seems out of proportion compared to what we saw in yohan’s flashback. yes, the firefighter is guilty of stealing from a dead person, but there’s really no reason for him to be that scared of yohan. he could have just given the watch back and run away, but he fled as if terrified for his life instead. this insinuates that the firefighter had a negative experience with yohan during the church fire. also i’m 99% sure that the watch yohan takes back is the same one he gave to gaon which is interesting for many reasons.

3) elijah herself seems to hate yohan. now, this could be because she hates him for leaving her parents there and rescuing her instead of trying to save them, but apparently she wants him dead, which is a little concerning, especially since they are uncle and niece and live together. her reaction is strange towards someone who supposedly saved her life, and it doesn’t just seem to be because she wishes she hadn’t survived, etc. 

4) yohan’s line at the end itself. this line clearly indicates that he told his story for the purpose of manipulating gaon. if the story itself is more sinister, it makes sense for him to share a version that would make gaon clearly empathize with him.

my conclusion based on all of this is that the events likely happened in the order, but that yohan’s position in all of this might have differed a bit, and not been as heroic as initially described. yohan genuinely hates the people in power, believes in the cruelty of the world, and has a reason to. however, he also benefits immensely from making the events more sympathetic towards him, which makes it hard for us, as viewers, to completely trust him. all i can say is that i hope he’s not lying entirely, because if he lied with the purpose of manipulating gaon and steering him away from the actual truth, by telling a story he knew would make gaon feel strongly about due to his own trauma and backstory, then that’s just a disaster in the making.   

gaon as isaac’s lookalike.

this episode clearly established the story of kang isaac, who gaon shares a remarkable similarity to. there’s a possibility that he is isaac’s son, but that feels like it wouldn’t fit. gaon looks like he’s in his mid to late twenties. yohan is probably somewhere in his thirties, but it’s hard to tell with men that look like that lol. there’s at least a ten year age gap between them in my opinion. elijah is probably in her mid teens, given it has been ten years since the fire and she was a young child then. still, the ages don’t exactly match up, and there’s no scenario for how that could have occured, so why does he look exactly like isaac? 

there’s also the fact that no one else has noted his resemblance to isaac. i can understand why the other rich people didn’t, but jung sunah spoke directly to gaon about isaac, but didn’t seem to note any similarity. now, it has been ten years since his death, and i think if people aren’t looking for similarity they won’t see it, especially since glasses change a person’s face, but the jarring similarity should have at least turned some heads.

yohan is seen to give gaon isaac’s watch. this is symbolic for many reasons. one of them, like yohan said, is because he’s syncing gaon to yohan’s time, another way of demonstrating how yohan is introducing gaon into his world, bringing an outsider in. but the fact that he gave gaon a watch that belonged to his dead brother who looks exactly like gaon says something else. almost as if gaon is transforming into isaac, or something weird like that. it was just weird, period, and yohan obviously made it a deliberate choice. 

gaon and yohan in general.

i already talked about them quite a bit, and a lot of other people have as well, but this episode really served. first there was the white vs. black, especially when introducing gaon to the corrupt world of the rich. the white coat initially protects gaon in a way, but he takes it off when meeting with the actual rich people, as if his kind morality is not allowed there, further demonstrated by yohan bodily throwing him out of his chair when he tried to speak up. although jinjoo also went with yohan to a social event, gaon is invited to the intimate gathering of the top tier organizations, given a seat at the table, with yohan basically wanting him to see things as they are at the moment, making him aware of what yohan himself knows.

there was also the scene in the car, when yohan jerks the wheel. i think this scene was super interesting because it clearly demonstrates how yohan is just. not really that sane. which isn’t exactly what i mean, but i don’t know how else to describe it, because yohan isn’t exactly mentally unstable, though he certainly seems to be. instead, the yohan of today is just a mirror of the yohan who the priest described as the devil. he thrives off chaos. yes, his actions as a child were inventive and clever, but it also demonstrates how yohan can and will exploit other people for no other reason than enjoyment. the live court gives him the opportunity to do this to the whole world. he has a flair for dramatics, he’s the gamemaster, carefully orchestrating everything and enjoying the results for his benefit. not only is he making himself popular, but he’s turning himself into a godlike idol, which is honestly blasphemous considering the fact that he’s a judge, but it makes a lot of sense when you consider the fact that he’s been called the devil, the judge robes look like a priest’s robes instead, he has the symbol of the cross on his back (scar), etc...it all adds up, and the religious imagery is frankly insane. one wonders if he’ll end up a martyr, or cast into fiery pits. 

in cast interviews, or the clips that i’ve seen, gaon’s character has been referred to as an angel of sorts, a ray of hope. this is obviously in stark contrast to yohan, who is darkness, who is gray morality. gaon believes in the idea of justice taught in school, which i think makes sense when you consider the fact that his childhood was likely extremely unfair: living in poverty, parents killing themselves because of debt. he believes in lawful justice almost as if he has to, to have a chance to change things. he doesn’t understand what yohan is trying to make him understand: that lawful justice will never apply to the rich, that fairness doesn’t matter to million and billionaires, because they can change the law however they please the suit their benefits. it’s funny because that is what yohan is proving with the public, that the rich can be brought to justice. i’m really interested to see how their views will change when they get to know each other better and/or team up. there’s a lot of potential there (yes i’ve said this like five times. it’s all i think about right now.).

jung sunah.

i actually don’t have much more to say on that character, but as she’s revealed to be the actual head of the social responsibility foundation, we’re left wondering if mr. seo is just a figurehead, or if she just gained power by controlling him. idk if this makes sense - is she in charge charge of everything, or just in charge of mr. seo? i think next episode will more clearly demonstrate this.

the public, the ethics of live court shows, etc.

this episode was by far the most concerning one when it came to the live court show. whereas their first case was something that was clearly evil and neatly tied up, youngmin’s case was a brutal display of the power of the public and what it means when someone has the power to manipulate the public. youngmin definitely deserved to be punished. i think it’s actually super funny how his argument was that they didn’t have the right to judge him, when he did exactly that to everyone who suffered from his abuse. however, public flagellation seemed absurd. despite most people saying he deserved it, there was also the vibe that most people didn’t believe it would actually be shown. however, when it was, you could see that most of the public was deeply unsettled by this. yohan’s cult was also demonstrated in this scene, from the people cheering. 

was youngmin’s punishment justice? maybe, in a way. i don’t think there really was a punishment that would be right for him. flogging would scare him, but it also ignites his anger. in prison he might live a better life than most, but he would also be kept away from people he could hurt, which is kind of the purpose of prisons.

the flogging felt very dystopian, but i think it also showed the danger of the live court show perfectly. not only did it incite people and their bloodthirst at being offered a sort of justice, but it also showed how people feel when confronted with a decision they chose. over 95% of people chose for that punishment to be carried out, but few appeared to actually enjoy seeing it carried out. it’s a lot easier to click a button and feel as if you don’t matter in the large scheme of things than it is to see what happened as a result of you and many other people choosing to do something. it showed the power of the public, or more exactly, how yohan was able to manipulate the public into torturing cha kyunghee and ripping her family apart slowly. 

at the end of the day, i doubt few (of the viewers, at least, though i don’t really know) were actually satisfied or happy by youngmin’s punishment. it might have been satisfying to see his court breakdown, but when it comes down to it, it’s just more human suffering. 

it also begs the question of if yohan will ever be put on trial. could that even happen? it seems an almost inevitable conclusion to his trajectory right now - when you fight corruption with corruption, the only thing left when the corruption is gone is your corrupted self - but i think right now he’s also building the public as a way to protect himself, which has proved right so far. it’s interesting to wonder if the public will ever turn on him, and what will happen if public opinion shifts.

[celestialmarks]

“I’m not the bad one here”: Muu Analysis and Interpretation

here is my personal muu analysis and interpretation. i'm really wondering: does muu really believe herself to be justified? is this a front she's presenting because her apologies remained unheard to the bitter end? is she really vindictive and somewhat indifferent deep down, or is she really pretending to protect herself? somewhat a bit of both? this is what i'll be trying to answer. i'm going to be using : - her official character intro in the character intros MV - her intro voice lines (from the official website) - her interview questions - her drama CD content basically every piece of muu extra content we've got, aside from minimal interactions from the app. AS WELL AS - her MV, After Pain, which i'm going to be deciphering based on the color coding! i don't think anyone has done this in full yet (if anyone did, i apologize)

(general TW for discussions & depiction of severe bullying)

as a general disclaimer,

i'm not going to reiterate points that have already been made. if you've looked at youtube comments of previously made analysis, it should be enough to determine what's going on. i'm interested in exploring why muu may feel justified in her actions and what the "darker" side of her is, is all.

there have been no hints as to the fact that she was a bully in the past or something. it could still come out that she was, or that her behavior was awful in whatever way (which i really wouldn't like bcse it reinforces the notion that bullied people "have to had deserved it" which is gross) and it still WOULD NOT change my opinion of her bcse she's still been through all that and pushed to the limit. at the end of the day, there's no way she lied about or downplayed this. she WAS horribly bullied and she almost died from it.

muu has her flaws, clearly. i'm just pointing out what they are here, her mentality and how it might allude to her being shown in a less sympathetic light next round, but that's it.

first, where does the "muu feeling justified" even come from?

to begin with, it's been stated in her intro "she can have a attitude at some times." it's also confirmed by the insults on the blackboard, transcribed in eng and edited onto the MV's visuals here (TW suicide baiting, self-harm baiting).

"So arrogant" as well as "are you looking down on us?" are written on the first blackboard, "eww poor people" on the second.

in her drama CD, muu also appears to be :

overly blunt at times 

spoiled. used to being treated well, since she's rich

quite manipulative, even if she's straightforward about it

i suggest u read the whole thing to get a sense of what she's like, if you haven't yet!

once again and at the risk of repeating myself... she still doesn't deserve any of what happened even if she was condescending or flaunted her wealth. which i don't even think might be the case (it's not like the bullies are objective, they're just using it as a way to justify their treatment of her. and in the MV she says herself "There's no special meaning / I just got the short end of the stick"). she's kind of naive about her wealth (see the crepe incident dfdghjd) she doesn't appear to do it to annoy others or look down on them. she's just used to a life of comfort.

moreover, it's been implied she may have been taken advantage of initially because of her wealth (see the chat on her phone and the picture of her with the three other girls, which i'll call Girl A, Girl B and Girl C for convenience's sake and also bcse the ref to dr is funny). probably her bluntness and occasional attitude caused her more problems, but i'll come back to what triggered the bullying later.

regarding her manipulative behavior, it's because she's used to getting her way (crepe incident, her telling Es she'll just make him like her : "All I have to do is gain your favour, right?"). "my sorry spells must be wearing off" in After Pain alludes to this. since she was previously quite privileged, she had never been treated like this before. even when she made mistakes she was forgiven, so she may have been a bit of an entitled brat, once again. when she starts being bullied, her world REALLY turns upside down. she's so used to getting her way that she even THREATENS Es at the end of the drama CD. we're past manipulative here. no way to know if she has done this in the past though. this might just be due to her desperation, really, but the fact that she does it right after another attempt at sweet talk does make me raise a brow

also the way she turns the tables on Es. "i won't forgive you" when she's supposed to be the one who's forgiven or not? she's rejecting the fault onto Es, just like, ALL the way through her drama CD, she's been saying she wasn't in the wrong. that's her way of justifying herself when/if she causes harm. literally she will not stop saying it : 

"I’m not the bad one here!" "I did kill them. But, they’re to blame! They made it to the point where I had to kill them… I… I had such a tough time." "Sure, I might’ve killed them, but… If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape. The cruel things they did to me were far worse!" "If you’re gonna say that I shouldn’t have killed them, then… Are you saying that I should’ve continued suffering forever?" "Even though I’m not the one in the wrong, they want to sentence me to penal servitude… That’s so messed-up." "It wasn’t a bad thing to do, right?" "What should I do then? What should I do in order for you to forgive me, prison guard? I’ll do anything! Um… Anything painful or embarrassing is out of the question though… And, I don’t wanna do anything scary either…"

muu is DESPERATE to be proven innocent. she'll do almost anything, though she's reluctant to put herself in any situation that might be triggering for her (understandable after what she's been through so i wouldn't say she's whining here.) in one of her intro voice lines on the website she says pretty much the same thing:

That’s right. I killed someone. But I couldn’t help it! If I didn’t, there’d be no way to escape. I’m… not the bad one.

in addition, here is what we get from her intro in the character intros MV:

"Fufu... it's your fault for doing horrible things to me." → Lack of remorse ?

from her interview questions:

"The person who did something wrong should apologize first." → Waiting for others to acknowledge their faults first, bcse she doesn't want her apologies to be ignored again... and to just be mistreated again, as a result?

maybe she wants to be declared innocent so that she can finally feel like she's heard, acknowledged. so that she can feel that her pain has reached people, and she might start apologizing outwardly then too, bcse part of her's sorry. but a part of her genuinely believes she had no other choice and as such should be treated as innocent. it's kind of a complex mentality.

what i'm focusing on is that she has this belief she is justified still.

something caught my eyes in relation to that : the "thinks she's the hero" on the second blackboard. muu has a self-righteous side like futa, even if it were (partially?) a front.

also, the quote behind every inmate : "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." muu "saved" herself by killing someone else and now has a future, so she's her own hero? perhaps. perhaps that's what is helping her cope with the crushing guilt, and that's why she's outwardly so insistent on it.

but then again, something doesn't click: why would muu be saved from killing someone? the bullying has just gotten worse. why does she seem so relieved in that situation? is it because people at least don't touch her now, because they're scared of her? she is literally getting suicide baited though... well, i have an idea. but first let's decode After Pain properly.

more substance to her feeling justified: the color coding and hidden messages in After Pain

so, here goes. on the official site, people who got the innocent verdict are shown to have green eyes, while people who got the guilty verdict have red eyes. so from this, we can deduce that innocent = green and guilty = red.

well... muu's MV is coded like that all the way through. we have a theme of greens (cold colors) VS oranges (warm colors). to represent her thoughts in relation to her actions, and others'. they’re complementary colors, so it’s rather clear cut (black and white?) the color that's inbetween is the yellow from the screen with the handwriting writing that keeps coming back as well as... yup... the yellow from the box cutter she used to kill Girl A, her crush (presumably). and the yellow that is muu's character color! so very significant. i'll analyse After Pain sequence by sequence so u can see what i mean in detail. beginning of the MV : she's sitting in the classroom alone. the first thing we see is the green hourglass = i'm innocent! and we see the orange glow of the sunset. the light isn't hitting her directly, as u can see: she's left in the shadows = blameless, the victim here. it's hitting the blackboard with all the insults, however.

together with the lyrics this scene is basically everything about muu screaming "SEE? IT'S THEIR FAULT, LOOK WHAT THEY DID. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." and then of course we have the first instance of the screen with writing in yellow! this one says "ねえなんで" ("say, why?") nothing surprising there so far.

then BOOM the hourglass. very very clearly depicting her pain, her suffocating and being cut from the world. and thus proving her "innocence" bcse she's trapped, in danger of choking, and helpless.

it of course covers her (more of her basically telling you she's innocent). and then it cuts to a pinker, more orange-y scene with the bullies (they're guilty!)

and WAIT A MINUTE? WHAT IS THAT? yep... the box cutter. and what color is it in this scene? orange. it was orange here.

clearly she's saying that the others are much more at fault here. when she wields it, the box cutter is of a lighter color--still a warm color, since it's yellow. but a yellow that's very close to the lime green of her hourglass, isn't it? for now let's say it represents something in between, ambivalent feelings. the writing in yellow comes back and so does the chorus (look at how much i tried to apologize and make them stop). it feels to me like that's muu taking back the mic like HEY, listen up, you saw this right. in conclusion. here it is again: look at how innocent i am! look at how much i've suffered! and thus naturally it cuts to a hourglass scene immediately after.

nonetheless, the writing in yellow says... "でもたぶん" ("but maybe...") which is intriguing.

haven't mentioned this before but obviously muu herself is a mix of warm and cold colors, aka pink (her uniforms highlights, the sleeves and tie + her hair) and green (her eyes, with a highlight of lime/yellow...) then we're back in the classroom and once again the orange light = guilt isn't hitting her directly.

and the colors picked in the LINE chat with the others areee.... naturally, green for her, pink for the others... yellow for the whole background, just as yellow encompasses the entire MV as her true feelings on the matter.

title screen in yellow then flashes yet again, followed AGAIN by the hourglass scene (muu repeating, just like in her drama CD: "yeah, here's my whole story, and i'm innocent!")

the writing in yellow says "ねえもしも" ("hey, tell me...")

the writing in yellow flashes for the FOURTH TIME and this is the most interesting instance: "それなのに" ("even so...")

this shot is doused in orange/warmer yellow on the bullies' side and in the background too. super self-explanatory really

the orange light of guilty is still not hitting muu. meanwhile on her lap...

on the left, the bullies' stockings are blue, but they have a orange hue to them. the rest of the objects here in cold tones are all related to muu or touching her. the picture on her phone is split between yellow and blue. like the blame and innocence was, back then, even/balanced in the sense of peace and quiet, or perhaps just hidden in the background before it jumped out?

she's hit by the orange light here and please look at how the bucket is not blue at all and the floor below her is more yellow. Girl A is the one to open the door, so i think this might show Girl A's POV in relation to muu. not perceiving her innocence.

Girl A's eyes here are green and yellow, so to some extent innocent but guilty in a way that is justified in muu's mind? which is why muu reaches out to her. thus here's my theory on what happened with her : muu confessed, yes. however, the girl didn't out her. especially bcse the blackboard doesn't have any mention of muu liking girls (going by the TL previously shared at least). she just started avoiding muu. given the lyrics here: Girl A used muu's attitude concerning other matters as justification for avoiding her, which kickstarted the bullying. hence "the stabbing of the little devil's voice" which references something Girl A said about her attitude, prompting the rest of their friend group to see muu in a negative light so as to side with her. (since muu's planned counterattack to what Girl A said is a suicide note, it can only be Girl A that's the "devil". the cause.)

also please note how the light is only HALF hitting the background. she's to blame, but not entirely. not yet. besides her eyes are a different shade of green than muu's: darker, far from lime. clearly just green + yellow highlight, without the blatant "innocent" of the lighter lime. entirely ambivalent!

in this shot, the light is deserting muu's eyes. no lime green or yellow here. she just has dead eyes, resembling Girl A's eyes at the end of the video. this is muu telling us that this was her last chance not to become a corpse.

then muu reaches out to the one person she could ask for help. the one person who could have cleared any misunderstanding and possibly stopped this. she's running and everything is soooo yellow and orange. EXCEPT for the bushes which are green, a firm line (literal lines!) that allude to the possibility that Girl A might change her behavior. "perhaps she'll realized she crossed the line/know where the line is and walk off this path."

however, muu steps into the light here. she's been hit by the window's light even if we can't see it, as seen by her shadow. hence, she's already guilty, it's just out of frame (she doesn't realize/know it yet.) still, note that the light hitting her is not orange but ONLY YELLOW. less guilty than the others! but the school? orange. guilty place. guilty people

Girl A is still framed by green stuff. she has a possibility of being innocent, of being forgiven by muu, but the path she's walking is orange, clearly.

we see a tiny hourglass fall off, a timid reminder from muu "i know what you're about to see, just remember i'm not to blame." and then muu reaches Girl A and the background is just SO yellow and orange for the both of them. but notice something? on muu's side the background is more yellow. on Girl A's side it gets darker, more orange.

Girl A doesn't respond for a moment and her eyes are still green and yellow! muu has hope that she might still change for the better and forgive her! see that muu's innocent!

but nope! she rejects muu! and we get this deep orange!!! NOTHING like the yellow in the background earlier! this is the last straw for muu!

contrasting with the green of muu's hourglass breaking as she hits her limit:

yellow, vengeful fire burning next to muu. it's practically shimmering as she stabs Girl A. it's so light it's almost white.

Girl A's eyes have turned orange bcse in that moment in muu's mind SHE is the guilty one. she deserves this.

while in contrast, even if the background behind muu's very orange... her eyes are glowing lime/yellow.

i hit picture limit so this is part 1! (reblogging this to add more. here is the full post with part 2 as well)

[plutoswrath]

i’m sorry to annoy you with this again. i just look up to your kpop mixed with astrology content. but lucas’s neptune contact with his mc is going to annoy the shit out of me until this is fixed. the cloudiness that neptune brings to his public image is something that i think possibly fuels these situations further. false accusations and mixed perceptions based off of them is exactly what makes these scandals to continue on and on. and i’m sick of it. both sides ignore what the other is saying and it gets nowhere. neptune, the malefic bastard.

Hello! I saw your recent asks and I appreciate your words regarding my content, thank you so much for the kind words! <3

I will touch on astrolgy under the cut, but before this happens, I want to leave a few words. There's a reason why I didn't answer the previous questions I received (not only yours op) regarding the Lucas situation so far. For several reasons I didn't want to feed into any sort of (perceived) sensationalism in regards to the Lucas situation, even though I'd really love to look at the situation from an astrological point of view. That people are divided on this topic is to be expected, but I think the way it has been handled by majority so far is very bad. I really want to elaborate on my reasoning why we should rethink the way we talk about/represent the Lucas situation right now, but as this topic is very kpop specific everything will be under the cut.

My reasoning for avoiding any questions about it until now:

1. People already don't take the situation seriously enough: Regardless of what your standpoint is, I'd like for people to consider looking at it from a more critical point of view for a second: The allegations are not about him being exposed as ‘just a f-boy’ as some people make it out to be, they are more serious than that. Lucas allegedly manipulated and used these women for his own emotional/sexual/financial needs and ego boost. The fact that he has money and allegedly still used other people to provide financially for him just demonstrates the power play underneath it all. He abused his position of power as an idol, the power dynamics between him and fans who idolize him are plain and simple just completely off. Please think about the fact, that he allegedly decided who to date on at fansigns. This alone gives no security to any fans that want to attend fansigns in the future. TW SV: he also talked one of these women into having sex with him + doing it unprotected, which is not only emotionally/sexually manipulative/coercive and can possibly be traumatic for them but also heightens the risk for transfering STD's as END TW he was supposedly seeing people at the same time/cheating. In general, the behavior he gets accused of leaves trauma and is abuse, to be more specific abuse of power on multiple levels and his social position makes it just easier to continue abusing that power. As you've mentioned yourself op, there is a huge back and forth about the allegations, and I know people like to take situations like the one of Taeyong as an example to justify that not every public apology is real and that allegations turn out to be false years later, but I believe it's different this time and that the allegations that came forward were real. Even his cbar closed, a fanbase that works closely with Label V (!), that alone shows that there is 'at least' some truth to the story, or else his hardcore fanbase wouldn't have decided to turn their back on him in matters of just days. Also, all the 'jokes' and the portrayal of 'juicy gossip' people make about the situation just downplays and ridicules the possible traumatic experiences of the people that were hurt by his actions. If anyone decides to not believe these allegations until SM gives a more specific statement, that's fine, but please do so without making fun of the people who were victims of his behavior, as there is already little to no sympathy for them online. It makes it just way harder for any survivors in the future to speak out on their experience. People say it's 'nothing illegal, just morally wrong' but given the fact that he is also a person in power, the line between 'just' morally wrong and illegal can be very thin in some cases. And please overthink arguments such as: 'this is typical boy behavior for someone in his 20's'/ 'he's just an f-boy' or 'boys will be boys' because they are deeply misogynistic and we shouldn't normalize behavior like that, thus making the root of the problem actually way deeper than most people think.

2. WayV's future: This mainly goes for people who are fans of WayV. I know not everyone probably likes to hear this, but another thing why wild speculations, sensationalism or even possible defence about this situation should be kept on the low is WayV's career. I want to be honest here, but I'm scared for their future, their comeback for october has been cancelled for now and they are put on a hiatus for several months as far as I know. They were on a good path of gaining more and more recognition and establishing themselves even better as a c-pop group, but now Luca's reputation in China (their target audience) is as good as gone and that pulls all of WayV down to rock bottom with him. People really need to try seeing the story out of the eyes of the korean and especially chinese fans as well, their perception of the allegations (especially after the Kris Wu situation!) are way different and more serious than the ones of i-fans and i-fans have to accept that. Also, we all know how companies (especially SM) handle these type of situations: keep the people on the low till the storm has calmed down. But will the storm ever calm down for Lucas when his public image is basically destroyed, and thus WayV as well? What I want people to understand is that this whole situation affects WayV and their career directly, actually on the biggest scale possible. All the work so far is at risk to be for good and I think a lot of fans tend to forget that, things look especially critical for HenXiaoYanKun if WayV would be to continue/redebute/fall apart. It doesn't matter if Lucas talking bad about the members/the companies/shows he works with/for was real or not in the end, because unfortunately damage is already done, WayV's image (WayV= family) is already tarnished and WayV as a group will suffer from this. You summed it up with malefic Neptune the best actually: We all don't know the full confirmed truth about the situation and will most likely never know it. (small astro insight here as well, but part of Neptune is to accept fantasy for what it is: fantasy, and thus turn to cold reality when you're in too deep)

3. What O'd advice the fandom to do right now: Regardless of your opinion on the situation, what we as a fandom can do best right now is staying on the low, wait things out, and stop adding more fire to the situation with our actions and wait how the situation actually developes, since a) we can not fasten the process and b) a lot of rumors, false information and unnecessary details get exposed to mudd the waters and to discredit the statement of the victims as well. I've seen some strong reactions from both sides, but as someone who's a big fan of nct in general I really just want to say that part of the fandom throwing a fit on the internet leads basically to nothing, it actually only reflects even worse on nctzens/weshennies and thus on WayV's (and also NCT as whole) image as well. Things right now are handled internal, not extern. Whatever gets through to the public will be half of the story anyway. A lot of people seem to forget, that we talk about SM and all they care for right now is saving themselves economically (think about the domino effect this situation has on the whole group/company), so we will have to see what their final decision is going to be, if anything will happen at all. For now, be patient, wait and see. Last words: It's okay to feel hurt/confused/angry/drained. Even though most of us are aware that we dont know any celebrity's character, it's still hard to swallow and to digest because you were a fan of that artist. Let it take time and vent. Take a break from it if it gets too much! Talking about it to process your emotions better is okay and very valid, but keep in mind that you should not worsen the situation by doing so - it's already absolute chaos.

Also: This statement is by no means a direct attack to anyone or me trying to push my opinion onto you, just my two cents in how to handle the situation best right now, because our hands are basically tied. Also: agree to disagree. If you don't like that I side with the victims (unless there is an official statement that Lucas is proven not guilty, which I doubt, unfortunately) then so be it, but don't start a war in my inbox for our opinions differing.

-------

Now, to astrology:

Disclaimer: This analysis will not be very light-hearted, but remember that it's just a theory and not me trying to confirm anything!

First of all op, sorry for just answering you know, but I neded some time to think through how to adress this without adding to the fire with my astrological analysis! Boy, does the birth time fit the shoe right now. To be fair as I did my short rising sign analysis about him recently, I cancelled out every other fire rising except for Leo, because I got stuck on the ego part a bit. Anything for me made sense, as long as it highlights his ego, which by itself doesn't have to be a bad thing automatically, but there's always two sides of the coin as we all know.

I looked into the transits the past week and added a few asteroids/mathematical points as well. An anon before pointed to the full moon happening in his tenth house, conjunct his sun, etc. (I deleted the ask because I didn't know what was going on at that time and thought it was just the 'usual' rumors that once in a while get spread around, but after looking more into it I decided this was not the right time to stirr the pot in any kind of way or treat it as funny, hot gos). But yeah a full Moon in Aquarius happening in his 10th house AND on top of that Saturn in Aquarius, conjuncting that Moon and his natal Uranus in the 10th! Talk about destrcution of any stable foundation and a change in a public image! Honestly, looking at astrologically the way his public image just got radically destroyed over night, with Saturn and the Moon having been in a conjunction (in his chart it was in the 10th house) is kinda eery even. Talk about collective consciousness - not only exposing quiet literally the feelings of the collective, but also doing so in the favor of others and gaining collective emotional consciousness. Take this with a grain of salt (!), because we're still in a tense situation, but I'm tapping into the darker, unfriendlier side of astrology now. Taking his confirmed birth time, he has Nessus in Sagittarius in his 8th house and as I saw that I could feel myself shifting into the surprised pikachu face. I am not saying that this prooves the allegations whatsoever, but as you seemed to be very interested in anaylzing the case in-depth as well, the allegations fit his Nessus - jumping from partner to partner, carelessness (regarding physical intimacy as well), making people share all their ressources with him/finacial gain, and basically the whole jist of gaining control/being in a power position in intimate connections. Keep in mind that this is only one interpretation of Nessus though, Nessus can also show the complete opposite to someone 'turning to their dark side'. On top of that, his Nessus was conjunct transit Phollus the past week, so if anything, we can see that a large event triggered him to 'open his eyes' and face anything of an 'obstacle' that hinders him from seeing the 'truth' to a larger picture and his own nature/destiny. Pholus can symbolize change that will alter your perception of the responsibility you have for yourself and others.

But my latest new interest with these two asteroids aside (asteroids just add a little more nuance to a situation after all), I want to touch on Lilith too, since you (op) have mentioned Lilith before in one of your asks!

He has his Lilith exactly conjunct his Descendant when we consider his confirmed birth time. What happened just now can be seen as 'backfiring' of his actions, either Lilith embodying the women who expose him now for his 'inappropriate' behavior, but also simply fans shaming him now for his alleged manipulative/imoral behavior, especially shaming him about who he chose to date and how. Next to that, you've mentioned Lilith opposite Moon and it just makes me think about him possibly feeling very indecisive and potentially in denial about what he actually needs to be fulfilled in order to be emotionally happy and thus leading to him appearing to have this 'second, dark side' to him now. BML is not necessarily opposite the Moon in my opinion, it's just the side of the subconscious we don't really like to deal with and all we're told not to express and desire because it can be conflicting in the eyes of others (thus BML also leading to a lot of recklessness on the negative side). I think if we take the allegations into consideration, regardless of how much of it is true of it, it can be a good example what happens, when an opposition gets out of balance, as it also manifests outwardly a lot! Lilith shows in his 'double life' aka what he allegedly did with fans. Lilith wanted an outlet and found one by working behind the scenes. If we take in his supposed Taurus rising, which his Lilith is in an exact opposition with, it's a good example of what can lurk underneath the surface.

And of course, last but not least, Neptune and Sun conjunct his MC. People are quiet literally blinded by him more than they would like to think. Also: Lucas was always known for his 'flirty & charismatic' nature, this is another reason why people think we shouldn't be surprised he 'turns out to be like that in real life'. I'm not analyzing this argument right now, but what I think is very interesting is how Sun conjunct MC literally ties a good amount of their personality to their career - they want to be accepted and shine for their personality/big part of their individuality. Idols play a role, no matter how transparent they appear to us, but it's really funny how this 'image' of him melts almost seemingly with parts of his personality (almost af if you were to quiet literally sell your self) and as you've mentioned: Neptune only adds to that, unfortunately.

[notgonnarememberthis]

today (of all days) - pt. 3

Hello!! I’m not gonna lie this chapter was a,,, problem. I struggled with ideas for so long but I finally landed on something I like!! This hiatus has been killer on my inspiration for writing but I’m determined to finish this! Hope y’all enjoy!

Gil is barely home for 5 minutes when a knock resounds through the apartment. After a couple of drinking celebrating his promotion to lieutenant, he’s feeling a bit fuzzy headed when he pulls the door open. Jessica stands in the center a bottle in hand and a dazzling smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Surprise!” She squeals. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the actual celebration, Ainsley practically hugged my leg refusing to let me leave until I read to her.” Gil smiles despite the obvious lie. He knows the truth, that she can’t be around all those officers. Looks of suspicion or pity on their faces as they stare at her. 

“That’s alright Jess.” He chuckles stepping aside for her to come in. She sweeps in with all the grace she can, immediately stepping into his kitchen and retrieving the glasses. She knows where they are by now, that should make him laugh but when he sees the bottle again after she sets it on the counter he stops in his tracks.

“Oh, Malcolm wants to go out with you to celebrate your promotion too. I thought it’d be nice for it to just be the two of you and Ainsley and I could have a mommy daughter day.”

“I’d like that.” He says, only half paying attention to what she’s saying. He can see it now, the way her shoulders are knotted, like an invisible string is the only thing keeping her upright. Her flowing steps are more controlled than usual, extra precautions taken to not see her even stumble.

He follows her to the couch where he pours them both a drink. She doesn’t down the first like she normally would on nights like these. He wonders if this is her first drink. “Are you listening?”

He blinks, caught in his analysis. “No, sorry.”

“Ainsley has her first competition of the season in three weeks. You’ll make it right?”

“Of course. How can I miss New York’s most promising young figure skater?” He sees the spark in her eye just before it fades. A momentary happiness before being drowned out by whatever is on her mind.

“Good because she hasn’t stopped talking about showing off the new spiral she learned.” She doesn’t meet his eyes as she’s speaking. It’s a rambling sort, where she’s saying literally anything that’s on her mind rather than getting to the heart of the issue. It takes until he finishes this drink to bring himself to stop her.

“Jess, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” She smiles, the one she saves for reporters and on her worse days, her children.

“You haven’t even been able to look at me for the past fifteen minutes.” 

“That’s not true.” “Then look at me.” She purses her lips, tilting her head before she finally meets his gaze. Almost immediately her mask falls apart, tears building in her eyes as she struggles to hold eye contact. “What happened?”

“Nothing. It’s ridiculous.”

“Not to me.” She drops her head into her free hand, eyes settling on the amber liquid in her glass. “Jessica, talk to me.”

She sighs, but relents, “I ran into an old friend.”

“Oh?”

“His name is Thomas, we grew up together basically. Gave our parents hell in the way only two children of stupidly wealthy families can.”

“Hard to imagine you being rowdy.”

“Oh, I had a whole rebel faze in high school.” She laughs and he joins in. “We would sneak out, drink on the hood of his car, act gloriously stupid.”

“Jess,”

“He’s different. We both are. He took over his father’s business, would’ve been my parent’s dream match for me. Maybe that’s why I was excited to see him again.” She places her glass at the table frantically wiping her eyes before the tears fell. “I could’ve made it right.”

“It’s not your job to make it right.”

“I know.” She sighs. “It just felt like a sign? When I talked to him it was just like old times. He didn’t treat me like-”

“Like the Surgeon’s ex-wife.”

“Exactly.” She picks up her drink again, maybe just for something to cling to. “Well, Adolpho did some digging. Turns out Thomas has an exclusive deal with Barbara Walters.”

“She was using him to get a story.” She nods her head tilted down as her shoulders begin to shake. “I’m so sorry Jess.”

“I just” She sniffs trying to take a deep breath to control the tears. “I thought this was different. Someone finally taking interest in me, not the Whitlys.” She spits the name with a venom she hadn’t before. Long ago she explained why she kept the last name. Now he wonders if she regrets her choice. “Feels stupid now.”

“It wasn’t stupid Jess.” He puts his drink down, reaching to her slowly. He places his hands on her arms.

“Most days I’m fine. I have all I need in my life with Malcolm and Ainsley and-” Her eyes dart away at the almost confession. He tries not to hope that she was going to finish that sentence with you. “But I’m so lonely. But nobody wants to be with the ex-wife of a serial killer.”

“That’s not all you are.”

“That’s all they see me as.”

“Not to me.” She stops, her eyes going wide for a second. 

She takes a deep, shaky breath. Her voice is so quiet it's like she’s afraid to ask. “What do you see?”

He runs his hands down her arms scooting closer. “I see an amazing mother. One who gives up everything to make sure her kids are happy. One who hunted down therapist after therapist for one Malcolm felt comfortable with and never gave up. One who talks about her kids for half an hour before even thinking about herself.” She smiles, a soft broken smile. “I see someone who’s resilient and strong. Hell, I still keep the mental image of when you punched the journalist who tried to talk to Malcolm.”

“Not my best moment.”

“I beg to differ.” He chuckles. “I see your passion. You want to help people, even if they don’t want your help. You’re a good person Jess.”

“Tell that to Barbara Walters.”

“She doesn’t know you. Not like we do. You are tough as hell, and beautiful too.” Her breath catches in her throat at that. He wonders how long it’s been since anyone has called her beautiful. A heavy silence falls over the room. He opens his mouth again but before he can continue her lips are on his.

It feels like his entire mind short circuits for a second. He’d thought of kissing her about a hundred times but never could he think of acting on it. He wishes he could catalogue every feeling but she pulls away too soon.

Her eyes are wide and guilty. A fresh sort of shame washes over him as well, thinking maybe she regrets it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s ok Jess.” “You’re a good man and for a second I just wanted to pretend like I could ever deserve someone like you.”

“Jess.”

“You are so good to my family. Malcolm thinks of you like a father and god how could I jeopardize that?”

“Jessica.”

“I’m so sorry can we-” He cuts her off by cupping her face with both hands and pulling her to him. She tenses when her lips touch his, hands hovering in between them. She relaxes when his thumb runs gently over her cheekbone and she knots her fingers into the front of his turtleneck.

He thinks he could stay there forever, just kissing her. Relishing in the feeling of her nails combing through his hair. She deepens the kiss pulling a groan from the depth of his chest. He feels her smile and laugh against his mouth and he moves a hand to her hip to pull her even closer.

She seems to have a better idea when she pulls away, only for a second to swing her leg over his lap straddling him. He doesn’t even have time to react before she’s kissing him again. He runs his fingers through her curls, they’re as soft as he thought they would be. When her tongue swipes across his he can taste the bourbon and a hint of vodka on her lips.

The confirmation of what he thought earlier is like being doused in freezing water. He pulls away but she immediately goes to attack his neck instead. “Jess.” He runs his hands over her back trying to get her attention. She only makes an inquisitive sound in response. “We’re drunk.” She hums in confirmation as if that was the most obvious thing. “Jess, stop.”

She pulls away and he watches the guilt appear again. “You’re right.”

“No, listen.” He brushes back the hair that fell in front of her face. “I want this, but I want you to want this when you’re sober.”

“I do.”

“Then we will try this again later. Why don’t you take my bed again tonight?” 

“Only if you come with.” He tilts his head in disapproval as she stands, slightly uneven on her feet. She raises her hands sticking on her bottom lip. “No funny business, I promise.” Her expression changes, growing more serious. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Fine.” He relents and her smile reappears. “But no funny business.”

“I promise.”

When they settle into bed Jessica is once again wearing one of his shirts. He’s beginning to wonder if she doesn’t bring spare clothes for the purpose of stealing his t-shirts on nights they get drunk. He decides he doesn’t mind when she turns, placing her head on his chest listening to his heart until it lulls her to sleep.

The next morning when he wakes up she’s already gone. He spies the note on his nightstand with her careful swirling handwriting.

Belluci’s, tonight at 8. Wear something nice.

XO, Jessica

[lovely-haechan]

Locking your phone, you turn to look at Renjun who is sitting next to you on the couch. “You think I have time for a quick nap?” He raises an eyebrow in confusion. “I mean, you can, but Jaemin is going to be here in like 10 minuets. You could just sleep in the car on the way to his parents’ house, though,” he suggests. “Yeah I guess,” you sigh out. You pulled an all nighter last night to do all the work you wouldn’t have time to do while you’re out with your friends this weekend, and it’s really starting to hit you now. You almost don’t open your eyes with your next blink. “Are you excited for our mini vacation?” Renjun asks, noticing that you’re about to pass out. “Yeah. I’m not really excited that there might be a lot of people at the party, but I’m glad we get to spend a few days with just us. I feel like we don’t spend enough time as a whole group anymore,” you say, shifting to sit upright so you aren’t tempted to dose off again. “Yeah I get that,” he responds. “We should try to do this again when we’re not stressing about organizing a party. Just all of us hanging out.” “Ooh that reminds me, my roommate is going home next weekend, you guys should come over for a movie night next weekend,” you say. “Oh yeah, that would be fun,” he smiles at you. A knock at the door draws you two out of your conversation and Renjun goes to answer it. “Hey Jaemin, come in,” you hear your friend say. “Hey Jaemsie,” you say, standing up as the two enter the living room. “Hey Y/n,” he smiles at you. “You guys ready to go? I figured you might need help carrying decorations downstairs.” “Yeah we’re ready. We only have three boxes of decorations, nothing two crazy,” Renjun tells him, then he turns to you. “Do you want to grab a pillow or something while we bring these down? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable if you end up falling asleep in the car.” “Yeah okay, thanks guys,” you say as you walk to your room. Once you make it out to Jaemin’s car with your backpack and pillow in tow, you notice Renjun sitting in the backseat. “Bubs, I’ll sit back here,” you tell him while opening the backdoor, “I’m about to pass out anyways and I don’t want to leave Jaemsie up there by himself.” “Oh, yeah okay that makes sense,” he says while unbuckling his seatbelt and making his way to the front. And with that, you begin your two hour journey to Jaemin’s house, and your two hour nap in Jaemin’s backseat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When you woke up from your nap, it was already 6:30. You look up to see that the car is parked in front of Jaemin’s house and Renjun is sitting in the front seat scrolling on his phone. “Did we just get here?” You ask through a yawn, unbuckling the seatbelt and stretching out your arms. Renjun jumps slightly at the sound of your voice, facing you as he turns off his phone. “No, we got here about an hour ago.” “Why didn’t you wake me up then?” You pouted, feeling guilty that they let you sleep in the car that long after your arrival when they could’ve woke you up. “Well since you were still asleep when we got here, we figured that if we start bringing stuff into the house then you might wake up from all the noise. When you didn’t, we sat with you for a bit before Jeno and Jisung got here, then Jaemin had to go let them in and stuff so I decided to stay and wait until you woke up.” “Oh okay, let’s head in then.” The two of you join your friends in the living room where they were having a heated discussion about what to have for dinner. “Look I get you’re a local and everything, but literally when has Domino’s ever done us wrong?” A huffy Jeno directs to Jaemin. Jisung is sitting in a recliner between the two boys, and he looks at you with pleading eyes. It’s safe to assume they had been discussing for a while. “And I’m telling you that the Domino’s here is shit. We’d be better off having Mark make us something.” “Well first of all you should never compare something as delicious as Domino’s to Mark trying to cook. Second of all-“ “Hey look, it’s Y/n and Renjun,” you cut off Jeno’s rebuttal before you have to listen to anymore of their culinary analysis. They turn to look at you and Renjun, clearly caught off guard by your entrance. “Hey,” Jaemin beams at you, “did you sleep well?” “Yeah,” you say as you sit next to him on the couch and Renjun sits next to Jeno across from the two of you. The two of them and Jisung delve into a discussion about the plans for the long weekend. “I know you guys meant well but you should’ve woke me up. I could’ve helped bring stuff in or something.” “Nah, you were tired and needed to sleep, so it wasn’t a problem,” he reassures you with a pat on your knee. “Plus Renjun and I don’t really hang out one-on-one that much, so it was nice to visit with him for a bit.” “Well that’s good, I’m glad. Although it’s shame to see that the two of you were not the least bit distraught at my absence.” Jaemin laughs lightly at that. “Oh don’t worry, you were all we were talking about.” It was your turn to laugh. “So, bedhead, we just decided to say fuck Jaemin and order Domino’s, you cool with that?” Jeno asks. “Yeah I’m cool with whatever- wait what?” You pull out your phone and look into the reflection to see that, in fact, your hair had gotten tousled on the ride over and no one informed you of it until just now. Rolling your eyes, you send a glare to Jeno. “What ever happened to ‘hey Y/n, your hair is kinda messy, let me fix that for you,’?” “Hey Y/n, your hair is kinda messy, let me fix that for you,” Jaemin says as he reaches over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You stare up at him as he does this, admiring the gentle touch of his hand as it grazes over your forehead just the slightest bit and follows the way down all the way to the bottom of your ear. His gaze falls to yours as his hand finds purchase on your shoulder. The moment doesn’t last long, though, before you’re moving away and looking to your other friends who are watching the scene unfold. “Um, oh yeah, I’m good with whatever,” you direct to Jeno while you stand up. “I’m going to go get changed real quick, where did you guys put my bag?” “It’s in Jaemin’s room. It’s the second door to the right once you go upstairs,” Renjun answers. You shoot him a quick ‘thanks’ before walking toward the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time the five of you had finished the gross pizza- although none of you mentioned that to Jaemin- and had settled in for a movie, you were starting to feel much more tired than you did before and were ready to go to sleep. You look to where Jaemin had been sitting next to you on the couch and he seemed to be extremely invested in the movie. You felt bad for interrupting him. “Hey, Jaemsie?” He flinches slightly at the broken silence. “Yeah, what’s up?” “Oh, I’m just ready for bed, where were we sleeping tonight?” “Oh yeah, you and Renjun are going to sleep in my room and me, Jeno, and Jisung are going to sleep in my parents’ room.” You frown at this. “Why don’t you just sleep in your room? I feel bad for stealing it.” He chuckles briefly at your pout. “I don’t mind. We figured since you and Renjun have had sleepovers and stuff before it wouldn’t be a problem for you guys to share a bed, and my parents’ room is big enough for three people so it’ll be fine. Plus it would be kinda weird for them to sleep in my parents’ bed without me.” “Less weird than me and Renjun sleeping in your bed?” You question him, only half understanding his logic. “Look Y/n, if you’re trying to get me into bed with you, you can just ask.” He adds a shit-eating grin at the end. “What if I was? Was it working?” He choked on his saliva at this, obviously not expecting you to joke back, but he recovered quickly. “Ah,’ he sighed out, “I don’t think our friends would enjoy us hooking up while they’re down the hall in my parents’ room. Sound really carries in this house, if you didn’t know.” “Ah, you raise a valid point. What a shame, maybe next time,” you pat his thigh lightly as you get up, bidding the others a ‘goodnight’ as you make your way upstairs for the second time that night, this time not missing the way the TV volume lowers ever so slightly and the way your friends exchange whispers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of State 


Chapter 8- Bedhead 


Chapter 7 ~ Masterlist ~ Chapter 9


Taglist: @elysianana @stopitvpls @ridinhyuck @taeyongsupremecy @nitsunie @hecapiecna


A/N: It’ s the fact that this was 1.5k words for me. Also, not @ this sitting in my drafts since yesterday bc I thought I clicked post😭✋🤧 Also also sorry @ tallest if you get a notif for this twice, the format wigged out and I had to reformat this and add all the tags back😔✋

[sineshion]

Nezumi Character Analysis

UH OH SISTERS! Here I am to write an essay on Nezumi and his relationship and actions towards Shion that no one asked for, but I’m doing it anyway.

SPOILERS FOR THE NO.6 NOVEL

Let me start by saying that Nezumi is a really well fleshed out character, and that a lot of his actions and dialogue have more depth than initially comes across. Nezumi starts off as a character who is very closed off, both emotionally and physically. Gradually over the course of the novel, he becomes more and more open, until we reach the climax of his character while in the Correctional Facility. During Shion and his first meeting, he tells Shion that he doesn’t neccessarily care about Shion’s fate, but that he doesn’t want to feel responsible if something bad were to happen to Shion.

“Do you really? I mean, it’s not my problem what happens to you, but if you end up being wiped out because of me, I wouldn’t like that. I’d feel like I did something horrible...”

I find this dialogue to be very telling and foreshadowing, as comparing Nezumi’s mindset from the beginning of the novel and end of the novel shows just how much Shion is able to change him. Though Nezumi might not say it directly, he is just as drawn to Shion as Shion is to him. We come to learn that he keeps secretive watch over Shion for the four years they are apart, in a silent way of protecting him. We could shrug this off as Nezumi simply “repaying a debt”, as he says again and again, but it is far more than that. Shion offers kindness and compassion to Nezumi during their first meeting, which we come to learn is the first real act of kindness he has received in years. Shion shows love toward Nezumi when he arguably needs it most, and though Nezumi might not want to admit it, he is showing love right back by silently watching over Shion, and rescuing him. From the moment they met, Nezumi has become captured by Shion, much like how Shion says he has become captured by Nezumi.

Throughout the novel, Nezumi goes from showing acts of kindness toward Shion, to then showing hostility. Shion is never afraid of Nezumi’s random spouts of violence, in his what I can only assume to be futile attempts to reject vulnerability. Nezumi projects all of his hatred for No.6 and it’s violence against him onto Shion, which he later comes to realize is wrong, and abusive of him.

“This casual act of kindness, or those cold, dispassionate words from a few minutes ago - which one was he to believe? Shion couldn’t grasp him.”

Nezumi tells Shion to throw away his memories, his feelings, and ties to everyone and everything he knows. He continuously acts cold and hostile toward Shion without provocation, which we learn is the result of the way Gran, an old woman who raised him, warped his mind into being. Nezumi has a very unstable and warped mindset on love, and what it would do to him. He has been raised since the age of 4 to fear it like nothing else, which I find so heartbreaking. It is no wonder Nezumi constantly reacts the way he does both to being touched by Shion, as well as kissed, or just generally loved. Gran tells Nezumi from the age of 4 to view any person who loves him as a literal demon who will kill him, thus creating the mental struggle within himself as he tries and fails to keep from reciprocating those feelings.

“Never sigh in earnest. Never cry. You’ll be taken advantage of by demons. Sighing creates an opening, a vulnerability. If you want to stay alive, keep your mouth shut. Never let anyone see your weak spot. Let your heart warm to no one. Never trust anyone but yourself.”

We are told that Nezumi went against Gran’s instruction simply by rescuing Shion. I suspect that a small part of Nezumi wanted to do this (go against Gran’s orders), though he reprimands himself multiple times for his actions. It isn’t that Nezumi is completely helpless from falling in love with Shion, it’s that he actually wants to be loved by the boy, even if only deep down. More and more, he begins to simply sit around and watch Shion, thinking about how beautiful Shion is, how nice it would be to touch him and how much he wants to have physical contact with him, playing with his hair. He begins to lose his sense of control over himself, leaving the door to his home unlocked without even realizing it, sighing over Shion, and risking his own safety to send messages to Shion’s mother unprompted. When he learns of Safu’s abduction, instead of telling Shion, he begins to think of how if Shion found out, it would result in his death. He compares the loss to the loss of his own family, and of the suffering he would feel if that were to occur. Nezumi has already begun to grow attached. He was attached from the very moment Shion and he met.

“He would be experiencing the same suffering again, of being broiled alive in Hellfire.” “I don’t want to lose him. I would suffer.”

This admission is paralleled to Safu’s in a prior scene, where she admits to Karan, Shion’s mother, that she is in love with Shion. She says: “I don’t want to regret anything. If - if by some chance, he ends up never coming back... I’m going to be the one to suffer for my whole life. I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose him.” Nezumi is falling in love with Shion, whether he realizes it at this moment or not is besides the point. He does not want to lose Shion. He does not want to return to a life of seclusion and loneliness, a life without love. He would and will do anything to keep from losing it. Both Safu and Nezumi are in love with Shion, but I would argue that the difference between them, other than obvious ones, as that Nezumi comes to see Shion exactly for who he is, the love he feels for Shion not blinding himself, but illuminating the entire world, whereas Safu does not. Safu continuously compares herself to the person Shion is yearning for, asking why she cannot be them, why she cannot be the one to get to know everything about Shion.

Despite Nezumi’s efforts to hide the truth of Safu’s capture from Shion, this falls through, and he is warned by Inukashi: “If he’s so precious to you that you don’t want to loose him, protect him to the very end. And do whatever it takes to protect him, you idiot, no matter how humiliating it is.” Nezumi wants to protect Shion, and would and later does do anything to keep him by his side, this dialogue from Inukashi foreshadowing Nezumi’s vulnerability and the swallowing of his own pride as he lays everything he is bare before Shion’ feet.

Later, Shion, after finding out that Safu is in danger, confesses all of his feelings to Nezumi, in what he assumes will be the last time they see one another. He kisses Nezumi goodbye, and sneaks out. Nezumi follows after him, and lashes out in a very violent way, and after, saying: “Listen, you’re not allowed to give me a goodbye kiss ever again! Never, ever again!” He tells Shion that this beating is punishment for lying to him, and trying to sneak away, aka trying to die without him. Soon, Shion will turn Nezumi’s warped way of thinking against him in the Correctional Facility, where he will use Nezumi’s reasoning and justification for violence by claiming the two men he attempts to kill are deserving of it, because they have tried to harm Nezumi.

Gradually, more and more, we see Nezumi not only reciprocating moments of intimacy, but initiating them with Shion: “A hand suddenly reached over to him. It was Nezumi’s. It gently pried Shion’s fist open, finger by finger, gently, as if toying with it.” Nezumi still has moments of random bursts of aggression, both in an attempt to continue to keep Shion at bay, to keep from falling more in love, and to prevent Shion from aiding the city or its people in any manner. While Shion admits a love confession, saying: “I’m probably more afraid to lose you than anything - anybody else.” This sparks a fear in Nezumi, at the reality that not only is Shion attached to him, but that he is just as attached to Shion. He’s completely aware at this point of his own feelings. He thinks: “Am I the one who hasn’t known anything all along?” while questioning his past actions, and whether or not he has been seeing Shion in a positive light or not. Nezumi has started to become more self aware through his relationship with Shion, and more in touch with his own emotions.

Once entering the Correctional Facility, Nezumi warns Shion not to lose himself. He promises Shion that they will come back from this together. He isn’t saying this only to Shion, but more so to himself. Nezumi has been captured by the light that he sees in Shion, and though Shion is the one to think that Nezumi keeps him human, it’s quite the other way around. Shion attempts to kill two men, both times Nezumi reprimands him, telling him: “Never put your hands around someone’s throat again!” and “Shion! Shion! Stop - stop, please - Shion, I’m begging you.” and “I want you to stay as you are, Shion.” Shion keeps Nezumi human. Shion is a beacon of light shining down on Nezumi, exposing his own humanity. Time and time again, it is clear that Shion’s humanity and compassion save Nezumi from doom. While Nezumi develops to see the light of humanity and within his own soul through loving Shion, Shion develops to see the darkness in humanity and within his own soul by loving Nezumi. They quite make the perfect narrative foil to one another, developing in an almost polar opposite way. Nezumi ultimately becomes more like Shion, Shion becomes more like Nezumi.

We learn of Nezumi’s past, and of his suffering, in a scene where he allows himself complete vulnerability to Shion, showing him the burn on his back and revealing to us and to Shion how his family and culture were ruthlessly burned to the ground right before his eyes. Shion begins to cry at learning the truth, begins to blame himself for his own ignorance and for Nezumi’s suffering. Nezumi confesses: “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. I didn’t mean to accuse you of any crime. I - can’t even imagine wanting to hurt you. I’m sorry.” “Don’t you cry. You were just a tiny kid. You’re not to blame for anything.” He’s starting to drastically change his mindset and perspective which will ultimately lead to him choosing to believe in Shion, to have faith in Shion, trusting that the both of them truly see one another at this point for who they are. Trusting Shion to remain human, and build a better world.

As they begin their infiltration, Shion begins to grow more and more cold and uncaring of human life. As Nezumi kills guards, Shion says that it simply can’t be helped - it’s kill or be killed. This moment is clear in highlighting not only how Nezumi has changed Shion, but how Shion has changed Nezumi. Nezumi is displeased to hear this reasoning from Shion, which is not something he would have thought at the beginning of the novel. Shion is uncaring, which is not something he would feel were this the beginning of the novel. They have both a positive and negative impact on one another, and alwyas seem to take it to the extreme, though it isn’t neccessarily strange given the circumstances and situation at hand. Nezumi begins to see the direct affect his own actions have had on Shion, and how they have begun to warp his mind, much like Gran warped Nezumi’s own perspective on love. He thinks sadly: “Forgive me, Gran. I’ve gone against what you’ve told me. I’ve sighed many times for another. I believed him, and opened my heart to him. I placed the shackles around my own feet. But I couldn’t have done otherwise. I couldn’t cut him away.” Nezumi loves Shion. No matter what he tries, he cannot escape the love he feels for him. He couldn’t do otherwise, because he doesn’t truly WANT to. He wants to love Shion, admitting this to himself now. The seeds have already been planted at this point for Nezumi to begin feeling his own guilt and remorse at trying to change Shion’s personality, and coming to the horrifying realization that it worked. Nezumi didn’t want to harm Shion, or hurt him. He truly and foolishly believed he was doing what was right, what was taught to him. He feels so much remorse at the point that when he is almost killed by Rashi, he entirely gives up the fight. He allows himself a moment of genuine intimacy with Shion, let’s Shion hold him, as he prepares to die with him. Does this sound like something Nezumi would do? A character who preaches survival, is now willing to die with the person he has fallen in love with. He is not afraid, nor angry, nor sad - he simply accepts it. I find this moment to be very telling of Nezumi’s character.

When Shion shoots Rashi, Nezumi, who is already terribly wounded, tries repeatedly to stand up and stop him from finishing Rashi off. It is shocking not just to us, but to him, to see how Shion has changed. He screams for Shion to stop in vain as Shion commits murder on his behalf.

“He didn’t want to open his eyes. If he did, he would have to face reality.”

Despite trying to repress this, he tries to keep Shion grounded, as Shion has already been shown time and time again to be unstable and suicidal. Shion attempts to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head, asking Nezumi over and over if Nezumi and perhaps even God can forgive him for the murder he has committed. Nezumi thinks that it would have been better had they never infiltrated it at all, had he known it would destroy Shion’s mental state so completely. Nezumi, a character hellbent on destroying the government, is now thinking that Shion’s mental health is worth more to him than destroying the city. He thinks, as he starts to have his own mental breakdown, that he is the one who needs to be forgiven, not Shion. He begins to cry uncontrollably, as he mentally begs for Shion’s forgiveness.

“Shion, I’m sorry. I made you bear the burden, one so big it’s making your spine creak. Would I be forgiven one day? Would you forgive me for what I did to you?”

Nezumi is unable to bear the thought that he is the direct cause of Shion’s attempt at suicide. He is forced to confront at this moment his own abusive actions, and all of the brutality he has thrust upon Shion up to this point. He is begging, literally on his knees, to be forgiven. To be forgiven for all of his mistakes, all of his anger, all of his pain and hurt that he has projected onto Shion. Begging for forgiveness at meeting Shion - at coming unexpectedly into his life and, in Nezumi’s eyes, ruining everything Shion is. Nezumi believes he is to blame for everything, and the weight of the guilt he feels is indescribable.

By the time they get to Safu, Nezumi outright refuses to let Shion do anything, going so far as to drag him by force to the elevator, knowing it is too late to rescue Safu. Shion, through his grief, blames Nezumi for what happens to Safu, claiming he used her and used him to destroy No.6. Nezumi plays his part well, and pretends that this is the truth, saying he never believed Safu was alive, which is a lie. He says he deceived Shion, and used him and sacrificed his mind for the destruction of the government, which is also not the whole truth. Nezumi thinks: “Really? Can you really not understand? You’re a liar, Shion. You do get it. You understand every single word. And you’ll never forgive me. You’ll lose faith in me and loathe me. Or would you-“

Nezumi WANTS Shion to love him, and also hate him at the same time. He wants Shion to take his anger out on him. He wants to self sabotage their relationship, and MAKE Shion hate him, by playing a false role, by pretending to be someone he is not. Even when Nezumi tries to shoulder blame that is not his, his true self shines through under the facaude. Nezumi, a character who used to preach that he would only ever fight for himself, now takes a bullet for Shion, trying to sacrifice himself for him. Going directly against everything he has ever believed in.

By the end of the novel, Nezumi, having come back from the brink of Death, and having gone against all of his previous rules, confesses to Shion that Shion scares him. He is terrified of Shion, or more specifically, of Shion’s love, because it is mutual. Nezumi is in love with him. Nezumi’s love for Shion is in fact so strong, that Nezumi was willing and ready to die with and for Shion multiple times during the Correctional Facility, and many times prior, as well. He’s scared of the way loving someone makes him feel. He’s scared of how it almost got him killed many times, and it would have, had Shion not saved him. He leaves not because of Shion, but because of himself. Nezumi does not understand how to express his love in a proper and healthy way - it’s completely foreign to him. The boy is so traumatized that he’s spent the entire novel both half afraid of and half crazing and actively seeking love. I find it strange when people ask or think that there’s a possibility Nezumi doesn’t love Shion, when his actions so clearly say otherwise. I suspect Nezumi feels unworthy of Shion loving him as well, considering his tendency to self sabotage. I think that Nezumi is very self aware, and by the end of the novel, very in touch with his own emotions. He understands that he must change, and only then can he come back to Shion properly. He understands that who he is currently is not suited for a relationship, and so he makes the maturest call he has in the entire story, by leaving. He kisses Shion, promising to come back once he is ready, reassuring not only us but Shion that he really truly does love him.

Shion had thought that Nezumi was the one who illuminated him completely. That everything became much clearer with him by his side. That “by his hands, I was melted, wrought anew, and instilled with new life.” I find this line to be most applicable to Nezumi, as Shion has instilled him with new life, a new perspective, leaving him forever changed by the love shared and experienced. A line from Safu comes to mind as well, “You feel the same way I do, don’t you? You’re glad you were able to know. You wouldn’t be able to live anymore without knowing what yearning and love is like.”

[a-student-out-of-time]

ASOOT Timeline: September 2012 (We're All In This Together)

Once again, I cover a whole arc in one day (this time, it’s Twisted Aftermath). This update, while peaceful, features several shakeups to the status quo, which is always a fun time!–Timeline Anon

September 10:

Yasuke’s operation on Kanade (under the supervision of Kyoji and Kokoro) lasts until 4 AM. Her memories are altered significantly so that she won’t remember a good chunk of her life, especially all the murdery bits, and this changes her personality as a result. Afterwards, she is moved to a lab in the Biology Building so that tests can be run on her to make sure that she’s still healthy and that everything is in order. She’s told that she was in an accident three months ago that put her in a coma and caused her memory loss. The current plan is to send her to a mental health facility outside the country, but Kyoji will care for her until then and also keep in touch with her over video chat after she goes. He also plants evidence for the police to find that will convince them that she’s dead, while Nikei writes an article for his website about her “death” in the prison break.

Hajime wakes up in the Hope’s Peak infirmary at 8 AM and is given an update on things by Yoruko, who brought him there. The good news is that everyone’s all right, school’s been cancelled for the day, the fires are all out, and the police have the prisoner situation under control. The bad news is that three prisoners still have yet to be recaptured, and one of them is Maverick Storm. Also, 23 people are dead and 110 are injured as a result of the prison break and its aftermath. 

Hajime, Sonia, and Hibiki go see Kanade. They find her with the personality she once pretended to have: sweet, shy, and not at all murderous. They are relieved, but also slightly weirded out. During the twins’ reunion, both of them cry and apologize for how they treated each other before all this happened. They agree to work on being better. Hibiki can’t bring herself to hug Kanade, so they share an air hug instead. 

Privately, Hibiki cries to Hajime, Sonia, and Kokoro that Kanade is now exactly like the Kanade she knew growing up, but she can’t get the image of her as a killer out of her head. She also feels guilty for agreeing to Kanade’s mind wipe. The others reassure her that she’s not a bad person, and they all agree to never mind wipe anyone ever again. 

Tsurugi wakes up in the hospital, much to Kouhei’s relief, and vaguely remembers Kasugano pulling him back from the bomb. He’s a little more willing to talk with Kasugano now, but not much. Kouhei tells Tsurugi that the police have found a semiquaver hairclip and a few body parts that have been confirmed by DNA analysis to be Kanade’s. (In actuality, Kyoji made those parts, but they don’t know that.) Tsurugi wants to catch the criminals that are still loose, but Kouhei restricts him to desk duty until he’s healed. He holds Tsurugi’s hand and tells him that he’s glad he’s okay. Mikan appears and tells the pair of cops that Tsurugi will need to stay in the hospital for a day or two to make sure that there’s no lasting cognitive damage. Kouhei, now in charge of finding those missing prisoners, promises Tsurugi that he’ll be careful out there, and both agree that they need some time off sometime soon.

Umeko and Chiaki take turns chewing Yasuke out about his behavior. Umeko, as a quantum physicist, is not happy about how he lectured everyone about concepts he knows nothing about, especially since his theories are not backed by scientific fact, and Chiaki is especially pissed off at him for pressuring a traumatized Hajime into testing his theory and murdering two people for an experiment. Yasuke thinks that the Quantum Crew is doomed if they won’t get their hands dirty, but Chiaki emphatically disagrees and makes it clear that they will show him just how wrong he is. She finishes by saying that Yasuke is not their ally or their enemy, but if he ever turns on them, there will be hell to pay.

Hajime has a moment of doubt, but Chiaki has already come up with a way to prove Yasuke wrong. She thinks that the Quantum Crew needs more help. As such, she and Hajime decide that the time has come to let the rest of Class 77-B in on the truth of Kasugano, the Tragedy timeline, and the Quantum Crew.

Nikei, who’s just finished his article about Kanade’s “death,” is tired but reluctant to sleep for fear of nightmares. He confides to Taira that he tried to kill Kanade before the last reset, and he’s worried that it means he hasn’t changed at all. Taira tells him not to dwell on it or blame himself, as that’s not healthy, and to take it as a learning experience instead. She herself used to have trust issues because of a policy at her childhood orphanage that the kids had to tell the staff if someone did something wrong, which would result in the offender being taken upstairs and beaten; she got sent up a lot, but she also sent others up there, and it took her a while to get past that. The two of them share a hug, which soon progresses to cuddling, and Taira kisses Nikei on the cheek. She offhandedly says that she aspires to have a polyamorous relationship like the Cuddle Puddle’s. 

After Kanade asks Kyoji about her parents, he has to be the one to tell her that they left Japan and abandoned the twins. She cries, but he consoles her and offers her a place to stay with him until she can be transferred to the mental health facility. A grateful Kanade hugs her new caregiver, and both Kyoji and Kokoro promise to be there if she ever needs to talk about anything. Kyoji and Kokoro then have a bonding moment as they agree that they can bear the weight of this decision so that the rest of the Quantum Crew won’t have to. Kanade spends the rest of the night watching movies with Hibiki, who thinks that she can live with her choices if it means that her friends are alive.

Since Setsuka didn’t get the chance to celebrate her birthday the day before, she celebrates now, and she does so by getting very drunk. (She’s had a habit of drinking heavily since she was 16.) Umeko takes care of her.

Chiaki, Hajime, and Yoruko gather the entirety of Class 77-B, plus Chisa and Juzo, together at Chiaki’s house. They introduce them to the Voids, Taira, and Sora, and the new friends have a bit of bonding time (during which Nagito tells everyone that Kanata is going to be a member of Class 78). The Quantum Crew then shares the truth about the time travel and the Tragedy with Chisa, Juzo, and everyone in Class 77-B who doesn’t already know (Kazuichi, Akane, Nekomaru, Nagito, Ibuki, Teruteru, and the Ultimate Imposter). After a passionate plea from Chiaki, everybody present agrees to become allies of the Quantum Crew, and the Quantum Crew in turn agrees to help them with their own various issues. Hajime convinces Chisa and Juzo to keep this a secret from Kyosuke. With all that settled, the group turns in for the night.

Mikako tells Kokoro that she’s been having strange nightmares ever since her brain surgery, but when she describes the nightmares in question, they sound suspiciously like scenes from the Tragedy timeline. When asked to draw something from her nightmares, she does so, although she is briefly interrupted by Yamato showing up. The drawing turns out to be of a certain black-and-white bear. Kokoro tells Mikako and Yamato that this requires more investigation and that she needs to call an expert about it, but she’ll do whatever she can to help. As the siblings leave, Mikako hugs her mother and thanks her for saving her.

Kokoro immediately calls Yoruko; she’s concerned that Mikako might be developing the ability to see into the future. She sends Yoruko the picture that Mikako drew, and Yoruko confirms that it is indeed Monokuma. Yoruko assures Kokoro that the Quantum Crew will help Mikako in any way they can.

//Some days are quite hectic for our cast ^^;

[guiltyscarlet]

Wish I was Heather

This guilty writing was inspired by this video >> HERE << It’s the plot I imagined behind the animation So go & check it pwease, give all the love to this animator

Check my own bnha stuff >> HERE << and >> HERE << but beware that the second one is TodoDeku !!

TRIGGER WARNING lil story below the cut contains mention of suicide baiting

Kacchan had feelings for Izu since forever. But he still valued the importance of a good quirk a lot. He felt angry at himself for liking a "deku", thinking it would only hold him back. It didn't help that to him it was clear Izu only saw him as a friend. So he pushed his feelings down & pushed Izu away, as far as he could go. He low-key wanted to make him hurt as much as he was hurt by this unrequited love, going as far as to tell him to kill himself.

Meanwhile, Izu has never been in this much pain as that day. To have this person, this special person, the one you admire so much, the most close to a friend you will ever get (they were already drifting apart at this point but Izu never made any friend, everyone ignoring him or bullying him), tell you that you should just end it all. It hurt. It hurt so much. And Izu had always been an easy crier but it was always loud. This time was different, this time, his tears were silent, flowing down his cheeks and onto his torn analysis notebook.

Then canon event happens & Izu learns he can become a hero, he gets a powerful quirk, gets accepted into UA.

Ochako is his first friend. She changes the meaning of the "deku" nickname. She builds his confidence back up. She tells him he is her inspiration. They drift closer & closer. From stranger to friends to best friends to something more.

Kacchan sees all of this happening. He never did quite forgive himself for saying those words to Izu. And even before that, for destroying their bond little by little, wasting away like a flower touched by Decay. After that day, he always kept an eye on Izu, making sure he stayed away from heights. All the while still maintaining an angry, pissed off, hatefull exterior. Fooling everyone & especially Izu that he still hated him with his whole being. Oh if only they knew, he never hated him to begin with. He watches as Izu & Uraraka become closer & closer. Sees the stolen glances, lingering touches. Witnesses Uraraka borrowing Izu's stupid t-shirts & hero sweaters. He can't help comparing himself to her. How she's so positive, always smiling,  cheering people up. When he only brings them down. How she's beautiful, inside and out. When he's rooten, consumed by envy & desire for greatness. He loses sleep, eats less and stops coming down to eat with the class on the evening altogether. Shitty hair voices his concerns but he waves him off, snaps at him. He, too, is a ray of sunshine. Eijirou does not deserve to have his light stolen, dimmed or god forbid extinguished by someone as negative, as toxic as himself. So he cuts himself from everyone.

One night, there's a soft knock on his door. It's Izu, holding a take-away bowl of Tantanmen. It's Izu, worried eyes and kind smile. Of course, Izu would help him, reach out to him even after all he put him through. That's just how kind he is. Kind, insecure, passionate, caring, beautiful Izuku. He takes the bowl from his hands and sets it gently on his desk. He turns back to Izu and this time he can't help it, can't stop the tears that slips past crimson eyes. He wants to turn away, to slam the door in Izuku's face and never mention this moment again. Hell, threaten him to never mention it again, or else... But before he can do anything, there's a strong pair of arms around him. Holding him close. Keeping him safe. Grounding him. His own shirt is getting soaked and he realizes Izuku is crying too. But even so, as he brushes away a tear, he thinks, no, he knows, that everything will be alright.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity!

I wrote in earlier about sending in a “Type Me” post and you suggested I make a list of things I’m good at and ask my family or someone impartial who has known me for a while which cognitive functions they think fit me.  Thank you! As it turns out, they were unanimous that my thinking function seems very definitely Aux Ti…but they also think my feeling function seems slightly more Aux Fi than Tert Fe X-D.  Since I’m torn between ENFP and ENTP, my family’s analysis didn’t narrow it down much, but it did sort of highlight where I’m most confused, which is the my feeling function.  Hopefully you can help shed some light on this?...

I think ENFP. I didn't see any rationalizing / Ti, but a steady stream of self-conscious awareness of morals and how you could be better at them, ethical decisions (such as not taking credit for things you didn't do yourself), a focus on relationships and how others are reacting to you / how you need to be more aware of people's needs, and a few things that "trigger" your Fi enough to get upset (while being generally permissive / easy to get along with otherwise). I'm guessing you have a strong presence of Enneagram 9 and a 3 fix.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

What if moonshadow elves lost knowledge about themselves?

Hello, hope you have a nice day ! :D

(wait, is it day, for you?) hem! Anyway.

I was analylzing Moonshadow elves again and now I’m asking myself something, wonder what you would think about it:

Remember my “epiphany about the moon arcanum”?, when I said there’s maybe another side of their arcanum Moonshadow elves don’t know about? Something more life-light related:hope.

At first I said “they don’t know about” without really thinking about it. But, what if it’s true? I mean, what if there truly is a part they don’t know about their arcanum, or maybe forgot along the years? What if the war made Moonshadow elves focus so much on death-kill and all they kinda…. lost some of their knowledge about themselves? 

(I think I remember one of your old analysis (I think it was you, I can’t find it anymore), where you compared “young ethari” in the endcredits to the actual one. Where we saw him first doing jewelry, full of hope about life, and the actual one who let that aside to focus on the war) 

Add to this their community is described as “really close-knit”, which means more or less isolationism and so a stagnant, unable to evolve society. A society where the same rules were applied for centuries and so inevitably lost their deep meaning with time. 

I thought it was maybe exaggerated to think this way, but then I remembered the creators said there is 5000years of history in TDP. Even with longer lifespan, there’s no way elves didn’t forget some things with time. (I compare this situation to another one: some discoveries were recently made in egypt, and we learned that a few thousands years ago egyptian themselves re-discovered things they had discovered several centuries prior and forgot)

So I tried to find proof in the show and the novelization, and guess what? We have some! (or, well, it’s more my HC, but as I said, it’ just a theory)

I think this way especially because of Runaan, who was so sure there was “only one way to release”. But then, Zym came and cut Rayla’s ribbon. My personal HC on this is that only the life who was supposed to be avenged can release the assassin from the binding. It would make sense when you know Moonshadow elves “take life but they do not take it lightly”. But even if I’m mistaking, the central fact is that there is more than one way and, clearly, Moonshadow elves don’t know it (if the leader of the assassins doesn’t, then who could?)

What I find interesting here, is that Runaan recites this ritual at the beginning, about how precious life is, like a litany but the way he insists (especially in the novel) about killing Ezran even after he saw the egg, could be the proof it’s just that, a ritual. A ritual whose words lost all their sense, their deep meaning for his people.

Ok, it’s not much, but I think the combination of isolationism, stucking to rules without understanding them deeply and time, is the perfect recipe to lose your way, no? 

Oh, and a crazy other point in between these two theories about “hope” and “lost knowledge” woud be: If there is another aspect of the moon, other elves more hope-related (like Ethari or Rayla), why not another form?

Like sunfire elves have heat and light-being mode, Moonshadow elves could have something else too?. It’s probably stupid, I’m only thinking this way because of how Rayla feels while in moonshadow form in the novelization. It’s not that she hates it or something, but it makes her feel dizzy, as if she wasn’t suited for this. And if not, maybe it’s because she’s suited for another form? 

(sorry, I hope I’m coherent on this one, I’m a little exhausted and my thoughts are a little messy ^^’)

______________

Okay, @lily-lilou​, just let me catch my breath, this whole thing is a ride and I loved it. We definitely vibing here, fam.

whew

Okay, from the top, because I’ve had a lot of these thoughts myself and I’m so stoked to see someone else independently coming up with them!

Yes 100% to Moonshadows losing a part of their own history. (And yeah, I do have a post somewhere on Ethari’s evolution. Probably called it that iirc) If we’re right about Moonshadows having lived in Katolis before the lands were divided, living right near their own Nexus as the Sunfires still do, then when they packed up and left, it’s very possible they literally couldn’t bring everything with them.

I have a quirky little hc that there are still, to this day, Moonshadow villages hiding behind ancient protection spells in Katolis, and that people wander past them every day and have no idea. But it’s one thing not to be able to pack up your actual village. It’s another to leave behind records of your people’s past, their accomplishments and dealings and discoveries.

*eyes Lujanne’s truly massive library, with its huge walls covered in runes and books* This is where the full history of the Moonshadow people probably is kept. And no one has access to it but her.

Those who headed east would only know what they carried with them, and what was handed down orally through the generations. But see, if my headcanon about the Moonshadow assassins being created at that time ends up being true, then that’s probably bad news for history and truth. When you create a whole new class within your culture, you need to bolster it with ideology. You use myth, cultural norms, and current events to make it seem important.

You tell everyone that being an assassin is the most honorable job there is. And then it’s suddenly cool to be an assassin. 

If there were no Moonshadow assassins before the humans were booted out west, then everything Runaan says to Rayla, everything he believes, is pretty young compared to his people’s full history, which he may not know, at least in its true and undistorted form. It’s an illusion. Rhetoric. Propaganda meant to hold soft elves who deeply value life to the hardest task they’ll ever undertake: taking that life from another, for a cause they cannot turn away from, a purpose they are culturally indebted to. Because their people, their princess (?), was the one who asked for the humans to be spared, and so every mistake the humans make from that point on is the Moonshadow elves’ duty to handle.

Runaan was wrong about how many ways there are to release. Has Zym truly been the only victim who wasn’t actually dead, in a whole thousand years? Honestly, probably not, knowing how politics works. But see, if you have an elite squad devoted to serving Xadia, and you tell them that their hands will literally fall off and they will die if they don’t do their jobs because there is only one way to release the ribbon they’re honor-bound to wear, they will take their target or die trying. And if you maybe exaggerated reports of the victim’s death for political purposes and actually have them in a dungeon, or they fled to the human lands as a refugee, or any number of other squirrelly options that Moonshadows aren’t naturally inclined to consider, then you can literally get away with murder-by-proxy. Or containment. Or intimidation. Or whatever your purpose is in taking out a human target who may or may not even be guilty of the crime you allege against them. It might not even be Zubeia and Avizandum’s fault. Unless they can detect truth and lies, they can be deceived by someone unscrupulous with an agenda of their own.

Long paragraph long, there are a lot of problems with the existence and practical duties of Moonshadow assassins. They’re kind of like the War Doctor: born form conflict, and thus only able to serve it, instead of peace. Yes, we all want Runaan to get his happy ending, retire, go home to his soft husband. But really, the whole institution of the assassins needs to go. It was born of war, and if Xadia and the human lands make peace, truly, then the assassins should be dissolved. As I said in one of my fics, Moonshadow assassins are Xadia’s dark magic, turning death into power. It’s gotta stop on both sides.

One of my oneshots for January’s Ruthari Week played with the idea of Ethari having a moonform instead of a shadowform, because yes to elves having two kinds of forms in each culture! I would love to see that for all the elves. And if we use Sunfire elves as a kind of roadmap, with “sun” and “fire” being the heat- and light-beings, then maybe the other elves get their two forms from their names as well. Or so my headcanon went for that fic: a moon form to balance the shadow form, where the elf’s body can glow like the full moon. I didn’t really touch on what that form’s ability would be, but I suppose, logically, it would serve as a portable full moon, powering other nearby Moonshadows even when the moon was down, or new, or a small crescent.

Okay, that’s just fun. I like that idea a lot. The only time “just stand there and look pretty” can be used as a battle tactic!

I can see Rayla getting to have the rare Moonshadow power. That would make her a good balance for Callum and his unusual arcanum as a human. Part misfit, part superpower. It would also probably be a power that puts her closer to Ethari’s soft and protective attitude, no matter what the power really is, since the assassins in Moonshadow culture have clearly adopted their natural shadowy form as a mission tactic, attacking specifically on full moon nights. Literally any other kind of power is probably going to be softer, lighter, more lively and bright, in concept if not literally so. Maybe the other power kicks in on new moons? or is available at any time? I really hope we get a second Moonshadow power of some kind. I am down for all the extra worldbuilding!

Thanks once again for your thoughts! *fist bump* Moonshadow elves. You get it.

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode