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#but i'm gonna try for my own well being
dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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chiarrara · 5 months
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on one hand I'm kinda like....duh what are y'all so upset about, we been knew. but on the other hand...thinking about what it would take to pick yuri on ice back up again now that it's been officially put down, kinda makes my heart hurt. I don't know if there's ever going to be a path forward for this series that had so much potential left.
Mostly, I'm annoyed with the announcement. Really vague language about unspecified circumstances. I wish they would be straight with it because there are numerous reasons that could've contributed to the decision not to move forward. The prevalence of Russian skaters, the issues with and reorganization of the studio, the amount of time that's passed and the acquisition of more relevant projects. But I guess there's less to talk about and less blowback the less you say? Or maybe just not enough people care anymore.
I don't feel like we're missing anything with what we have exactly, so I've never been that cut up about the show not continuing. but no other piece of media has ever meant as much to me as yoi does. probably a lot of that is how much space is left in the story for more. I don't know, I don't feel like I should be upset but I'm feeling upset man. Just a little bit of silly grief for my favorite media of all time being unceremoniously cancelled....
after 5 years of radio silence tho so like, what did we expect. it's been over.
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chiimeramanticore · 2 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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disdaidal · 8 months
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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seventh-district · 4 months
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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"But why would Sonic still be friends with them why wouldn’t he denounce them or treat them like the villains they are? Why won't he realize they're just evil?"
First of all, has it perhaps occured to you that Sonic loves/cares for them no matter what they do and doesn't want to hurt them if he doesn't have to? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he doesn't see them like irredeemable villains and it's not because he's a dumb dumb idiot?
Second of all, haha keep talking and I'm gonna unroll my character analysis essay. "They're just evil" yeah that's rich. Bet you thought the ending of the series was about "redeeming" them too, huh?
#sondread#sonine#sonic prime#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles the dread#nine the fox#I'm gonna be a prime sonic defender forever at this rate#Anyways I channeled the me from between seasons 2 and 3 who was frustrated at seeing the stuff people were saying about my favs#Prime Sonic somehow seems to compel people to start foam at the mouth as they call him stupid and deride him for being hopeful and seeing#the good and people#and then somehow the people who are willing to be okay about Prime Sonic's tendency to try to save everyone and towards self sacrifice#can only believe it as long as sonic stupidly and naively believes his beloved friends are good people as these 'friends' so skillfully#manipulate him#Then when Sonic sees them at their worst canonically those people start foaming at the mouth when he doesn't instantly denounce or try to#imprison/kill these characters#It makes me less frustrated when it comes to Dread because I can get what people are seeing and unfortunately whatever talk transpired#between Sonic leaving the yoke in s3 and everyone else coming to fight Nine happened offscreen#You do have to dig at least slightly beyond surface level interpretation to get the reading that Dread is more than just an evil guy who was#pretending to not be#(although I would have thought how he originally tried to save his crew from experiencing him at his worst by keeping himself away from his#obsession would mean something but I digress)#With Nine to believe that he's always just been evil and manipulative to Sonic so he could backstab him you quite literally have to ignore#everything we see across the whole series and the feelings that come through in the final episodes of seasons 2 and 3#and ONLY believe that what Renegade and Shadow say about Nine (and the chaos council in s3) is canon#And yes I do think that if you thought S3 was about redeeming certain characters so the ending could be happy go lucky then you are missing#the point of what Sonic Prime tried to say and of Sonic’s own philosophy#I daresay you missed the point of some of these characters as well if you think their arcs are about how they end with them redeeming#themselves so they can become good people and therefore deserve life and a home#fandom wank#i just be ramblin
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year
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I really hate the inconsistencies that exist just to make SB (and CF technically) work, but also how hard Petra basically simps for Edelgard to the point it deconstructs aspects of her character.
In Houses she mentions her siblings being in danger if she died, but in SB she just doesn't even make any mention of them in this situation. She's just willing to possibly die all of a sudden for someone who never actually treated Brigid like its people were independent (which she could've done at literally any time from the moment she became emperor). She was relatively vocally I guess you could say "good" to Petra, but the way the writing handles Petra's response to all of it feels like Petra's just been brainwashed.
Petra says she would always choose survival and makes a point to emphasis that, but in SB she's completely and carelessly willing to risk her life and possibly throw it away... for Edelgard? Who still has not actually officially freed Brigid? And if Petra were to stop being Edelgard's ally?
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"Reconsideration". Because Brigid was never freed and now they're not going to be as long as Edelgard is in charge, because their queen is no longer bending to her will and fighting for her. If she was ever truly planning to free Brigid, Petra's decision alone not to fight for her shouldn't have changed that fact (especially since she supposedly gives her the choice in Houses to fight for her or not, and on non CF routes she does this by sending a letter, to which Petra refuses).
It should, of course, be obvious with this that everything is very not hunky dory between Adrestia and Brigid, but then...
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...eh wot hooligans???
I mean sure, if you considered forced vassalage to be "peace" and not being a free people "peace" then sure. But like... it's not a peace her people want and she should know that, but the game tends to do this back and forth with this topic. I hate it though because it makes it come across as being forced into submission and not having the means to fight back is "peace".
I know this game has lots of issues with uh, if you're attacked or if you were defeated by another military force you should submit and be happy about being taken over, and when you can't fight back anymore that's "peace" because nobody's fighting... but uhh... why is that only an issue with the Empire? I mean, we know why - the devs wanted to walk with her and they admitted it! But like... they should still know when they're writing something reeeeally icky.
Duscur doesn't have this problem and they're not under Edelgard's foot. Anything under Edelgard's foot though is treated like they should be thankful for her control and/or invasion(s). That just overall sends a really nasty message. I don't know that the devs meant to do that as far as an Empire, but I do think it's because they went a little hard with the Edelgard bias and somehow forgot what it would look like to an audience playing the game.
It's like they know it's not a good thing but they keep pushing the "Brigid isn't actually free but it's still peace because nobody is fighting" narrative.
Like... I don't care how much you love a character you're writing. You can't tell me that oppressed nations would just call oppressions "peace" or that their leaders would be more than happy to fight and die for the leader of the nation oppressing them. It gets even worse when you get into the racial territory of it, but that's a topic I've already covered so I'm not gonna go over it again here.
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suffercerebral · 4 months
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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halfbit · 3 months
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fun guessing game you get to have with your family when you're mixed: was the shit they pulled racially motivated or not
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snackugaki · 1 year
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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
someone fucked up and led me into their backrooms which is a long preface to say that this has resulted in having a goddamn
TMNT x Gargoyles x Ghostwriter x Spiderman
fucking mega-fuck-my-carpal-tunnel-i-guess crossover comic one shot and there's vaguely an idea of an antagonist to thwart.
...but mostly I wanted to draw them arguing which bodega has the best chopped cheese and for Donnie, Lex, and Ghoswriter to be chatting over ICQ on their li'l Compaqs and IBMs
let my brainguts rest, i beg on my knees
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daz4i · 7 months
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it's so hard being a person who needs to be the best at everything when you are slightly below average at best at any given department
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sysig · 11 months
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Requestober 2023 Sketches
The playlist has returned for this year! There will be a few in between, but it should be updating at least once a week on either Wednesday or Friday or both - keep an eye out for your req(s)!
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Day 4 got some subtle Black Eye, they are a great pair ♪ You can see I couldn’t fully decide on posing - this will be a theme lol - maybe Sylvia loafing and poking her nose up at Peepers? Or just man-handling him into a snuggle lol, I almost went with that one! But I still ended up going with the first sketch after all, his half-squinted eye was too cute to pass up!
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Day 6′s first sketch was also a first-try-correct but lemme try something else lol, I’m glad I went with this one though! Friend looks very fluffy, as does Ghostbur <3 Thank goodness for digital cleaning, Phil’s arm completely confounded me traditionally lol, same with the wings actually
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The alt is still cute tho, and sad :’) Ghostbur would still consider Phil his dad! And yes he’s not exactly Will, Phil’s kid ahh </3 And yet he still gets to hug him!! The piece of him that remembers him! It hurts ♥
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Day 10 was a great excuse to draw blood lol, I can’t not ♪ I ran out of room since this was the last sketch of the page so while I fully intended for the bloody knife to be continuous with the rest of him, I had to puzzle-piece it all together haha ♫ He’s so scribbly lol
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Day 15 was so fun!! Ahhh!! As I mentioned in the tags, I got the notification for this one while I was offline and dozing but even in that state of mind, this was the image that immediately bloomed in my head! I am so pleased I got to make it exactly as intended haha ♪ They’re so cute <3 And it’s always fun to draw Mitsu reacting like “O//o//O” even just in emoji form lol
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Day 16′s was fun and silly - I only ended up with the one sketch, it’s been too long since I’ve drawn a Core! It hasn’t been all that long since I’ve watched a Meet the Cores but it has been long while since I’ve picked up Portal 2 or Mel, it’s too bad ‘cause they’re both so cute haha. But I mean, all this Portal stuff has inspired me to get back to playing so hmmm :3c
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Day 17 had those two options but for me it wasn’t even a question lol - I do of course love RGB but I’ve made a habit of drawing him! And I did get to draw him later as well, so I got all the character diversity I could ask for haha. I’m so sad that I missed out on the “tk” SFX in the final version, I made it and then just forgot to turn the layer back on before exporting lol, just hear it in your head if you would ♪
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Day 18, more blood! Moreeee! Thank you for all the Yanderapy attention this year ahhh, it’s so gratifying to know these boys are being enjoyed ♥ I love them too! And it was doubly fun to imagine them playing into their baser urges, yandere-wise haha ♪ What’s the fun of a yandere if they can’t have a little blood, as a treat? Hehe ♫ Mitsuru’s swirly eyes are one of my favourite yandere features of his, drawing it in full swing was really fun :D
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Day 19, a bit of Ranboo ♥ It’s been long enough that I’d forgotten how much I enjoy Ranboo! c!Ranboo as well as The Guy haha, they’ve gotten more chaotic lately it seems, good for them. He’s also still quite fun to draw, that’s just good character design for you ♪ A cute little squished face, wanting to go out and play. You can kinda tell from the flower boxes that even traditionally I wasn’t all that detail-oriented for this one lol
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Day 20 got a lot of concept art! Making new outfits will do that lol, started with just deciding what their sweets theme would be - Mitsuru was so obviously ube and buttercream that it hurts lol, and you can see there was a bit more deliberation with Ishida. Salted lemon, and he was supposed to keep the lattice motif - we’ll get there :P
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Outfit designing! Ishida’s was a OHKO - you can’t see it in the final version since he’s angled away but his buttons are salt stones! And he’s also got asymmetrical salt “freckles” around his left eye :) Mitsu’s was a little over-complicated so he needed a second pass
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But only a second pass! A chunky sweater with the swirls was absolutely the correct choice, and then since zippers don’t exist in the JD universe (lol) he gets buttons!
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Finally they got their final version! You can see from the sliced version that originally they were meant to have three sections apiece for both limbs, buuut that ended up being overly visually busy, so I gave them two for their arms and three for their legs :) All the other posing and everything was pretty much perfect though! :D
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This is the most correct version of their clothes for their cut-up frame; I was in a bit of a rush for the gif version so a few elements are missing, like Ishida’s aforementioned lattice design element :’D Just try to not look too hard at the final version for these details specifically lol ♪ Oh the foibles of trying to be speedy!
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Technically not Requestober but I was inspired by my own idea of them switch-stitching their limbs back together lol - lemon ube?? I guess that might work...
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Day 21 got a concept sketch before starting - Luci’s glares are very cute hehe ♪ I was sure I could push it cuter tho >:3c
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And I was right! I called this an alt but honestly this was the correct choice from the beginning lol ♪ Long ears are so fun to pose, extra expressions! I had a bit of trouble with his arms, but I think that’s just a me-not-knowing-how-to-draw-arms-lately thing lol
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Day 22 was also very close to the end of the page so I was a bit cramped! Their faces are definitely the most important element - especially considering RGeeBs has one here! - so I wanted to give them a bit of extra attention. I really like his sharp nose hehe ♪ And Hero’s hand doing the classic cartoony pinky-up with her white gloves ugh it’s so cute <3
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They did get a very tiny fullbody sketch tho haha ♪ For how it turned out here, I’m doubly happy with RGB’s pose in the final! Especially his legs :D
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Speaking of tiny, day 24 was super tiny!! I always draw the stick figures tiny tho haha, they’re such cute little pops of colour on my page :) I’m glad as well that I could make all the colours clean digitally - the colours got a bit mixed traditionally lol
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Fun fact: Day 25 didn’t get a traditional sketch! It’d been too long since I’d drawn GLaDOS so I felt a little better to just have the references right there in the same canvas lol. My initial digital sketches are always a bit chaotic, lots of very energetic lines! It does make me all the more determined to make her design readable in my style >:3c
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I started forgetting to label what day they were around day 26 haha, but I started with them side-by-side - I wanted them to show off their outfits a bit more but it felt a little stiff :P Obviously Sinister would be uncomfortable in heavier clothes tho, so I went with that thought ♪ Poor Stanley haha
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The alt ended up taking it since interacting is way more fun than not! I haven’t drawn Stanley using sign language in a hot minute which is too bad! It’s very fun to do! He’s not going to listen to you Stanley, no matter what you do
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Day 28 gave me a bunch of thoughts but since it was fairly open-ended, I wasn’t sure where to take it at first! Angst just has so many possible roads! Initially, featured here, I considered them getting caught - them in a police light was a very cool concept for my lighting-focused brain this season haha - but it still wasn’t quite right. Maybe because Ishida actually looks stressed, noo D:
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The plot just kinda picked up from there, the idea of Ishida killing Mitsuru since they were caught, and then what I eventually ended up with - all while trying to fight against limited space and a not-the-best art day, just gotta keep powering through despite the obstacles!
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But I did finally land on the idea I wanted the most :) Originally this one was going to have two panels but I couldn’t make it look right, switching back and forth between them :P I’m glad I finally got to it in the end! It was a struggle haha
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Day 29 got Fellplates!Gaster! Heck yeah! :D It’s been a while since I’ve drawn him so I had to get back into the swing of it lol - I actually booted him on “April 1st” by changing my clock and then my internet refused to connect to certain sites?? What the heck is that about. Well either way, I got him! He is cute haha
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I really was tempted to give him something to do with other Fellplates members, but the lack of references confounded me! Ah! You can probably tell which one was meant to be Alphys huh lol ♪ Him and his sense of loyalty ah 💔 Well, self-destruction is a common ley line for him huh haha
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And then what I finally ended up with ♪ He has a slightly more open expression here, but I do like the somewhat sinister edge the final version ended up with :3c The backlighting begged for it!! And everyone needs cool backlighting haha
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Day 30′s TSP/Portal crossover!! It’s such a classic idea, I am actually honestly surprised that this is my first foray into it - I’ve thought about it forever! I’ve drawn them adjacently! But this is my first time actually drawing them interacting?? How?? Well I’m glad I have now haha, they’re so- they’re just so them, y’know? Lol
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Y’get a bonus because the idea of Stanley and Chell just kinda vibing in a test chamber and Stanley reacting - which you can see the barest of unfinished sketch there on the right lol - to having his Bucket taken from him, it was too good not to haha. Chell is indifferent lol
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Day 31, last day! I actually drew this the night beforehand, very quickly thus the scribbliness haha. Sometimes that’s all you need, just to get the image out! You can see with the SFX, despite being noiseless in the final version, I was thinking of the static right away :) I’m quite happy with how it all turned out hehe <3
That’s all the general sketches from this year! A good solid mix of things! Very fun :D
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loumauve · 8 days
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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thediktatortot · 1 year
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#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own#I'm going to live and die in the same house as my parents and I'm never going to have my own space to call my own#to make my own or to spread out and have my own space#People wonder why I don't feel like a fucking adult#and I can tell them plain as day that it's because I live at home with no job and all I do all day is draw read and look at fucking#fictional shit all day#sure I work on the property but so fucking what#I'm still just wasting away at home with no life no friends nothing to do#I dont want to volunteer anywhere because it's only hard labor shit and I cant physically do those things#and the only other volunteer shit around me is church stuff and I will NOT be helping any churches anywhere fucking ever for anyone#idk#I try to meet people and I have nothing to talk about#everyone else seems to be having their own lives with shit going on and multiple social circles and here I am unable to even string togethe#more than two sentences because it usually only takes that long to get to “so what do you do?” and I have to figure out a way to explain#that I'm living at home with no job no friends and no life in a way that doesn't look fucking pathetic as fuck#I'm not well educated so I just fall behind in most conversation#I can't contribute so whats the fucking point#The only people I have to talk to are my parents because what else am I gonna do? I can't keep complaining to you guys all the time#not like it's going to change anything#if anything it will just make people avoid me more for always being a fucking downer all the time#my parents vaguely get my frustration but they can't do anything#not like we have money or connections of any kind so there's no 'setting me up' with other people my age#honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away#maybe then more people would get out of their houses and go outside and meet people#idk i'm just fucking done with everything#I'm so numb and so tired and so lonely and I don't know what it is I want because every time I meet someone knew it's like I can't get clos#I don't feel ready for a relationship but I also feel like I'm fucking wasting away alone by myself and I really crave closeness#but I'm also not a dating person#I'm not here to waste another 5 years to someone just fucking around#i want a life time relationship
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toastsnaffler · 11 months
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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I don't not mean this offensively at all but is blows my mind that you are a lawyer but also writing jjk fics bc I work at a law firm and cannot for the life of me imagine any of the lawyers that work there writing fanfiction LOL kudos to u seriously I know how busy schedues can get due to court dates haha
im working in like. big city criminal law stuff right now and have been told by people in my office that i come off as a very deadpan and straight-laced legal nerd so i don't think the people who know me from my attorney life are imagining me writing jjk fanfic in my free time either
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