#but if you work in a profession that requires an appreciation WEEK then you better be getting appreciated!

[laceyeb]

Day 1 of rating staff appreciation week* treats with the level of snark they deserve:

A Costco brand trail mix snack bag and a note on the white board in the staff room that said “We’re almost at the end of the trail.”

2/10

Virtually no effort. And no appreciating today for nut allergy staff members. Better luck next time.

*Yes, it’s teacher appreciation week. But a few years back someone got all butthurt and now we call it staff appreciation week.

[ikeuverse]

LOVE SHOT — p.jongseong

PAIRING: cop!jay x investigator fem!reader  GENRES: fluff, humor, slight (really light) angst  WC: 9.7k+

WARNINGS: some cursing, mention of betrayal, a slight brawl near the end. nothing to worry about, but let me know if i've forgotten anything else.

SYNOPSIS: after being betrayed, jay was never able to fall in love with anyone again, even more so in his work environment. but that thought would not remain the moment he laid eyes on you, entering the meeting room as his new work partner in the investigations.

NOTES: i didn't want to focus so much on professions or the work environment itself, but i wanted something out of the ordinary (offices or coffee shops) and i thought of something more humorous, apart from the betrayal part, of course. idk if i'm 100% satisfied with this story, but all feedback is appreciated. i hope you like it!

masterlist

Working can be both tiring and rewarding. Tiring because you put in hours – sometimes a few extra – a day throughout the week. Rewarding because you get paid for it and often end up enjoying what it can bring you.

Jay believed that work went much further than that. Being in the police force for eight years had its good and bad sides, and he couldn't romanticize something that, time and again, took his mind off things.

The good side: he applied to join the police at the end of university, as a joke with his best friend – who ended up applying three days after him – and guess what? They both got in. The aptitude test was positive and all they had to do was accept that they now had a job. You wouldn't want to throw away the years you spent studying for something that had nothing to do with the police, but after a few years, the rewards came.

For his excellent performance, still on the good side of his job, being promoted to head of special operations was something Jay never thought he'd do. Perhaps Jake, his best friend, was better suited to it. He was stronger, more agile, and had certainly been on more missions than Jay himself.

Don't belittle your achievements, Jake told him with a huge smile, content with his position as deputy boss. Because the two had always been a duo since they joined, it wouldn't be fair for Jay to move up and leave his friend behind.

But not everything could be described as a good thing, after all, there is a bit of negativity in all of this. Not just because he works to combat bad things. That was the least of the problems at the police station. But because Jay knew that being in that environment would make him experience everything intensely.

Downside: getting involved with a coworker.

Where's the downside, Jongseong? As it was easy to remember the good things, the bad things came just as easily.

Like the greatest romance cliché, Jay liked the girl straight away. Her light hair and easy smile for anyone in the department made him smile too. But it wasn't just the smile that ended up being easy. Jay had to find out the hard way, dating for three months and a week before learning of his long-awaited promotion.

Everyone at the police station knew about Jay and Yuri, the criminal cases clerk. She had joined almost a year ago, attracting the attention of some of the police officers she worked with. It was normal, after all, Yuri was pretty, and practically all the women – and there weren't many of them – who worked at the police station were pretty.

"Maybe that's a requirement for working here," Sunoo joked once in the café when Yuri walked past them.

"Or maybe they put pretty girls to the test," Heeseung, an investigator and friend of the boys, suddenly hummed.

Jay laughed, knowing that his friends were too stupid. Or maybe they were right.

But apart from being pretty, Yuri didn't really like Jay. Or he thought of that possibility as soon as he saw her with her tongue down the throat of a policeman he didn't even know, doing each other in the break room on a shift when he was supposed to be at home.

That's why she was there with another man. Yuri knew Jay's routine, and going to the break room at a time when he wasn't at the police station would be perfect for no one to catch them.

But Jay had forgotten his coat the night before and needed to put his uniform in the wash. He didn't like leaving clothes hanging and dirty.

My coat saved me from the worst, he thought as he took a long stride out of the room, leaving under the shouts of Yuri calling his name.

"Jay, wait!" she gasped, running to him as the boy rushed down the stairs.

He almost jumped down two steps at once but stopped himself because he didn't want to twist his foot or hurt himself. So he tried to go as fast as he could until he felt Yuri's hands on his arm.

"What do you want?" he asked in a string of voices, holding back all his anger so as not to shout at her.

Firstly because they were on the stairs and it would make a huge echo, and secondly because Jay, even if he was nervous, would never shout at a woman. Even if she deserved it.

"It's not… No…"

"Don't tell me it's not what I think, because I saw it" that tone sent a chill down anyone's spine. Both Yuri and the people at the police station had only ever seen Jay talk like that in some negotiation – almost non-negotiable – or with some guy who challenged the battalion they worked in.

"This is all your fault" she said after a while when she saw that Jay wasn't saying anything, now seeing the horrified expression on his face "You're too focused on the job and…"

"Because I'm paid to do that, Yuri" he interrupted her "Not to mention that we work in the same environment, we see each other every day" Jay took a few steps towards her, tilting his face so that it was level with his – now ex – girlfriend "And I've always taken time out, in all my breaks, to see you. So what's my fault that you cheated on me right under my nose?"

Silence. One sigh, two, three.

Jay knew that was the cue to leave, so, disengaging Yuri's hand from his arm, he left as hurriedly as he had before.

And that had been the last conversation he had with his ex before, a week later, he learned of his promotion to boss.

Jay didn't want people to feel sorry for him or treat him differently after what had happened. For a long time, he had to deal with painful looks in his direction, and sometimes his colleagues wanted to drag him to some dance club to try and forget what had happened.

The only one who understood was Jake. Being in the same office as his best friend helped him keep his sanity when someone made some kind of comment, even if it wasn't a mean one, about what had happened.

It lasted a couple of months and he wanted to punch himself for ranting and hinting that something had happened. But as soon as his relationship became known, he knew that the break-up and betrayal would go the same way.

"People are giving her the stink eye right now" Sunoo walked into the special operations unit room, poking Jake in the head and then walking over to Jay, handing him a cup of coffee.

"No coffee for me?" Jake muttered quietly, grimacing and running over to Jay to sip his drink, knowing that his best friend wasn't in the mood for it.

"I didn't want any of this" Jay sighed, wiping his hands across his face in exhaustion.

"Sure, who wants to be betrayed?" Jake dodged another nudge from Sunoo, grabbing his coffee cup and heading over to his table.

"What I mean is…" he sighed, ignoring Jake who continued humming as he sipped the hot liquid, working wonders on his system because he really needed some caffeine "Yuri's reputation was tarnished after that, even Liam's."

"Liam?" Jay frowned.

"The policeman… You know…" Sunoo scratched the back of her head and tried her best to smile. Not that she wanted to smile at the situation, but maybe she wanted to reassure Jay a little.

It was only then that the boy realized. Liam was the one with Yuri, the policeman Jay had seen making out with his ex-girlfriend in the break room.

He didn't even want to know anything about the guy: his name, who he was, what position he was in. He could only tell that he was a policeman by his clothes, but for the rest, Jay tried to push it out of his mind and even walked away when someone brought it up. He only found out because Sunoo had said it out loud.

"Well, may he do well, then" Jay got up from his chair when the alarm went off, indicating that they needed to be in the meeting room to organize strategies for a new case.

Passing Jake's desk, he took the cup from his best friend's hand – halfway, thankfully – and drank the rest of the coffee.

"Hey!" Jake protested.

"It was meant for me, asshole" Jay cursed and laughed when the other tried to say something else, but got up and walked along with Sunoo behind Jay.

The three of them headed towards the huge room and entered. They weren't the first because Heeseung was already there, his typical tired smile indicating that he had just woken up. Maybe he'd been at the police station all night to sort something out.

"I think someone needs coffee too" Jake hummed.

"Go and get it, since you've had all my coffee" Jay said.

"I was doing you a favor" that funny little discussion was typical of almost every day. Because of Jay and Jake's intimacy and because the department was so heavy, funny energy was always a good way to get work done.

Gradually the room filled up, Jay's people came in and greeted the head and deputy head. Waving to Sunoo and Heeseung too.

When everyone was properly positioned, like a regular meeting, the chief of the police station greeted them and began to pass on some instructions and changes in some cases.

It wasn't often that he tinkered much with Jay's department, being one of the few who managed to play the role straight without too many changes. But Park, like a good boss, knew he was having a bit of trouble accessing information for a new case.

So when the station boss called his name, the boy straightened up in his chair and sniffled.

"Yes, boss" Jay greeted the gray-haired man, receiving a smile in response.

"I've been thinking and I want to know if you mind changing a few things in your case" he stood, resting one hand on the table while the other was in the holster at his waist.

"Of course not, boss, whatever you think is best."

The man nodded positively, looking at Heeseung this time.

"I thought I'd put some investigators on your case, you know, gather information" that was brilliant, considering that Jay was on a high-risk case. Where he needed to know more about people until he got to the main suspect – and criminal – in fact.

Heeseung seemed surprised, having never thought of working directly with special ops personnel where he only heard Jay and Jake's crazy stories. It sounded pretty exciting.

"But I think Heeseung alone would be too little for the size of your case, guys" Heeseung just agreed with his boss, knowing that he couldn't do it alone either "So I took the liberty of calling in two other people, if that's okay with you."

"That's fine with me" Jay smiled quickly.

He couldn't count how long he was paralyzed between the police chief calling in the new people to work on his case and the moment his eyes landed on you.

The dark uniform, the shiny badge hanging around your neck, and the most captivating smile Jay had ever seen in his life. Strangely, he felt elated when you looked at him, holding his gaze and waving to greet him.

"This is Y/n, deputy boss of investigations. And Stella, the boss of the department" the gray-haired man introduced, and just hearing Jay's name was worth a lot.

Stella talked all the time about how she and her department would contribute to the operation, Heeseung did a great job of adding some information along with his boss while talking to the special ops men.

But not Jay. He just didn't know what to say. It was as if he felt like a teenager again, unable to utter a single word in front of the most beautiful girl in school.

"Right" Jake noticed his best friend's pause, holding back a smile because it would be used against him a few minutes later "Jay and I are happy about the addition to our team. We're going to work very well together and I think a team of investigators would be perfect. Welcome."

After the thanks, Jake asked some of his boys to go over what progress they had made so far with the new team of investigators. You and Stella followed him, while the people in the room gradually dissipated until Jay, Jake, Sunoo and Heeseung were left.

"We have to go too, don't we?" Jay stood up.

"Oh, now he's learned to talk again" Sunoo joked.

"What?" Jay's eyes widened as he heard the other three burst into laughter.

"Dude, you froze when y/n walked in" Heeseung held in his laughter so he could finish his sentence.

"Me? Of course not."

"I had to introduce you, you couldn't even say your name" Jake pushed Jay's body as he stood up, leaning on the table and grinning mischievously "So that's her?"

"That's her? Her what?" Jay looked at the three of them, one at a time, receiving knowing looks from his friends.

"Who's going to make you dismantle that barrier you've created in your heart."

Jay hated how direct Sunoo was with his words. He didn't hate it completely, because he knew that Jake said things slowly, testing the waters, while Sunoo got straight to the point and didn't beat around the bush. Heeseung was more of a moral supporter, always trying to see the bright side of things and, even if he didn't, the boy made a good point about it.

"She's kind and very beautiful" Heeseung said, wrapping his arm around Jay's shoulders "Not to mention that she loses bets easily and gives a sensational shoulder massage."

"What? You…" Jake walked into his and Jay's living room, awestruck by Heeseung's words.

Jay didn't want to be disappointed at the thought of Heeseung's closeness to you, but he felt like a complete idiot for thinking that way when he had only known you for less than twenty minutes.

"We're very good friends, just like you, Jake and Sunoo" he was the last to enter, disengaging his arm from Jay's shoulder to close the door and sit down on the small dark leather sofa.

"Tell us more about it" Sunoo asked, and Jay was grateful for the directness as he didn't want to seem desperate for information.

He didn't even know why he was so intrigued by you.

Heeseung didn't mince his words when he started telling about the first time he met you and Stella. He had joined the police force in almost the same year as Jay and Jake. Eight years in one environment was a long time, and a year and a half later you were both there, in the same department as him. Completely out of place because you were the only women and investigators.

Of course, there was a bit of prejudice from other people and even a certain masked machismo, but not with Heeseung. He had been the only one to talk to them, to ask them to lunch.

"Oh, that's why you canceled a few lunches with us" Jake recalled.

Continuing the story in which he had been entertained, seeing the attention of the three in front of him, Heeseung sat down a little more comfortably on the sofa to finish speaking.

Those years of being friends with the only women in the department had made Heeseung work hard, include his friends in any case he entered and, without a doubt, ask them for their opinion. To show that they were just as capable as he was.

It was no wonder that, three years later, Stella was being appointed boss of the investigation department. A change here and there removed the former male boss from his post, and the police station apologized for the whole thing because there were too many departments to manage and they were sorry that someone from their building had been through so much bad stuff.

"Did you want to be boss?" Jay asked.

"Not in a million years" Heeseung replied quickly, "I'm not good at it."

"What do you mean?"

Sunoo knew what he meant, but it was funny to remember Heeseung's antics in the police force. Like when he almost broke your arm, when you two went after a case to investigate and he tripped over his own feet running after the suspect. Not realizing that you were so close that he fell on top of you.

Or when he doused the micro camera from another mission, costing thousands just for that investigation, an expensive piece of equipment that the head of the police station shelled out for just so they could have such excellent materials to capture the suspect.

Heeseung was content with his fumbles and also knew that it was a lot of responsibility, he was happy with his position.

"What about the deputy boss?" Jay didn't even bother to ask anymore since all his friends were too curious for that.

"Don't be fooled, she's just as clumsy as I am" Heeseung laughed "But y/n investigated that serial killer last year, it gave her a lot of visibility" he remembered sleepless nights helping his friend with the case. He'd dropped out at first because he'd been recruited for something else, but when he had time off, he ended up helping "She asked me to be the deputy boss, but I got scared of the title and ended up almost fainting at the appointment meeting."

"Heeseung" Jake swallowed back a laugh, closing his eyes as he shrugged.

"Huge positions make me nervous, I'm sorry" he apologized, making himself comfortable on the sofa in Jay and Jake's living room "But it's good that the two people they despised the most just for being women are now heads of the department" he smiled genuinely happy "And I'm one position below y/n, my salary is higher than all those idiots."

At least there was something good that Heeseung hadn't been nervous about, he could handle a good amount – almost triple – his old salary and still be close to the two women from the start.

"Okay, now talk about the massage or Jay will explode" Sunoo ordered after a while, seeing that his friend was restless in his chair. Jay hated being so expressive like that or that his friends knew him so well.

He rolled his eyes, ready to refute what Sunoo had said when Heeseung started talking.

"Me and y/n live off bets. Whether it's our cases or those of other colleagues" he closed his eyes, sighing a little as tiredness began to take over his body. "So if she loses, she's obliged to massage my shoulders for a week. And if I lose, I'll buy her lunch for a week."

"That sounds like…" Sunoo began.

"Cool. Shall we do it?" Jake turned to Jay, seeing him roll his eyes.

"I wouldn't massage your shoulders," he retorted.

"But you'd let y/n do it on you?"

Yes. He bit his tongue to answer, almost letting it slip without thinking.

Heeseung laughed when he opened his eyes and saw Jay's mental dilemma between answering or not.

The boss of the department also started to feel bad, as if he was invading something that Heeseung seemed to have built up with you, after all, the two of you seemed very close.

Jay didn't realize he'd been rambling on for too long, only realizing when Heeseung was standing in front of him, snapping his fingers to get his attention. Jake and Sunoo had already left the room, probably going to get some coffee or pick up something about the case they had to work on.

"Relax, dude" Heeseung commented as soon as Jay stood up, walking out of the room beside him.

"What about?" he asked, not knowing why his tone was hesitant.

"Y/n is my best friend" he said simply, having Jay's eyes fixed on his face the whole time he spoke, "And she's also the one responsible for getting me together with Stella."

"Oh" was all he managed to say. Jay hadn't noticed, no one had.

Either Heeseung and Stella were extremely professional, or Jay was so intrigued to know about you that if his friend had said something about his girlfriend, he didn't pay attention.

"My relationship with y/n could be the same as the one you'll have with Stella if you start a relationship with her best friend" he let slip, laughing at Jay's expression. He hadn't said anything and his friends were already thinking about a relationship? "Don't worry, I approve of you two dating."

Arriving at the coffee shop, Heeseung ran up to his two friends, who were already ordering the coffee they were all drinking together.

With no chance to reply, Jay stood there for long minutes thinking about everything that had happened that day.

He had met one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life, if not the most beautiful. He had learned that Heeseung was dating her and, what's more, his best friend was the one who had been making him think for so long.

A woman, in his workplace, making his heart race. Something he swore would never happen again.

You knowing a little more about Jay – beyond what was circulating around the police station – was a sign that he also knew about you, even more so when Heeseung said some qualities or even the way you two exchanged glances the first time you met in that meeting room, almost a month ago.

You were the cupid for Heeseung and Stella's relationship, and now you were sure that your friend was trying to do the same thing with you and Jay.

"No one told you to say out loud that the head of special operations was hot" Stella whispered, biting into the snack she had brought because today was going to be a busy day, with no chance of lunch in the refectory.

"I thought you and I were the only ones in the room" you tried to defend yourself, remembering the exact moment when you sighed and said how hot Jay was. Heeseung entered a few seconds earlier, without making a fuss, hearing exactly the moment when you almost whimpered.

Of sure he pestered you for weeks before he started talking to you a bit more about Jay.

"All right, all right" Stella finished, "but you know Hee's only trying to help."

"Hee" you rolled your eyes, making your best friend laugh. Your relationship with Heeseung was almost like big brother and little sister. You felt like Stella was your sister-in-law.

"Hey, girls" Heeseung waved from the door of the investigation office.

"Speaking of the devil" you smiled falsely, unwrapping your snack just as your friend walked in, muttering some swear words at you as he made his way over to Stella's desk.

The smack of lips from the two of them kissing made you sigh at how cute they were, but as soon as Heeseung's eyes met yours, you faked a vomiting noise just to pick on him.

"Put down your snacks, we're going to lunch" he said, holding Stella's sandwich halfway and pulling it away from her hands.

"We don't have time, love. Me and y/n have a lot to do before we meet the operations staff…"

"Exactly" Heeseung smiled at his girlfriend "Let's have lunch with them and go straight to the office, we have a lot of work."

After the end of the sentence Heeseung immediately looked in her direction. A mischievous smile played on his lips as he raised his eyebrows at you.

Did he plan that? Lunch with the special ops guys meant lunch with Jay. And you felt embarrassed enough that your friend had caught you confessing that the head of another department was hot. Looking at him and having lunch with him wasn't on your mind, at least not until this case was over.

"I don't think so" you said.

"Come on, y/n, let's go" Heeseung asked, pouting. He knew it wouldn't convince you, especially coming from him, but trying was always an option for the boy "Jay asked you to go."

You knew he hadn't asked you to do anything, Heeseung had just said that to see if you'd cheer up and, in the worst or best case scenario, he and Stella's thoughts about you being into Jay could have been right. He was, but you wouldn't say anything until then.

"Stella" you called out to your friend, who was already packing up to leave the room. In defeat, you got up from your desk and tidied up before joining the couple "Do you mind being widowed early? I think I'm going to kill your boyfriend."

Heeseung's hysterical scream echoed down the corridor, and no one thought it strange since this was the two of you's relationship there. People got so used to laughing with you and him that it was strange the other way around. When you or Heeseung were too serious, not joking or shouting around. The head of the police station even thanked you for bringing a little joy to such a chaotic environment.

As soon as they arrived at the refectory, it was relatively crowded and not very surprising, given that it was the exact time that almost all the departments were there.

Heeseung spotted the table where the other three friends were sitting and waved to get their attention. With his free hand, he intertwined his fingers with Stella's to lead the way and walk with the two of you to the rest of the people.

"You really did it" Sunoo applauded as soon as the three of you reached the table "He said it would be almost impossible to get you two out of that room."

"Considering he almost stole our snack" you commented.

"I'm going to expose you" Heeseung hissed.

"Fuck off" you said in the same tone.

The laughter was contagious as the two of you started talking, while you realized that Heeseung had already reserved a seat for him and Stella next to Jake, leaving only one seat between Jay and Sunoo.

I'll kill you.

You son of a bitch.

I hate you.

There were a few curses that you uttered silently, just moving your lips as you went around the table to sit between the two men.

Heeseung, holding back his laughter, sat down to in front of Sunoo.

"Shall we wait for the line to shorten and get lunch?" Stella asked.

"Or we could go in threes to save our table too" Sunoo said.

"Good idea" Heeseung nodded "Can it be me, Stella, and Jay?"

"Sure, go ahead" Jake replied, waving to the three of them who were getting up.

Jay tried his best not to look tense as you sat down next to him, noticing the look on his face as soon as he stood up. It was infectious, so he smiled as soon as you smiled back as a small greeting before he joined Heeseung and Stella for the lunch line.

"You know" Jake leaned across the table, catching your eye until you finally looked at him and stopped staring at Jay, "I think you two are cute."

"What?" you widened your eyes.

Sunoo laughed, wanting to hit Jake, but he was too far away for that.

"I don't know, I think you and Jay would be cute together" he was playing with the wrapper of something, probably the straw from the empty coffee cup in front of him "and since I'm his best friend, I approve of that."

"Heeseung and you are up to something, right?" your eyes narrowed, making Jake mimic the act and then laugh a little.

"Those two are idiots, y/n. Don't mind them" Sunoo touched your shoulder so gently that you turned to him, smiling in appreciation "But you two are really cute."

"I was starting to like you" your eyes now narrowed at Sunoo, who was laughing just like Jake a few minutes earlier.

The three of you got into a completely different conversation after that, talking about other police departments and what you would do if you had never joined the police.

That made for a good few minutes of conversation until Jay, Heeseung and Stella came back with trays of food. Then it was time for you three to go. Grateful that it hadn't taken too long – and that there was fruit salad – you and Sunoo grabbed two containers each, celebrating that you now had a friend who loved fruit salad too. None of the others would take that salad and you didn't know how, loving that the same indignation was shared by Sunoo.

"Now we can eat just the two of us" he whispered before returning to the table.

In another conversation, now completely different and without provocation, you noticed that Jay's laughter was contagious. His gaze was much more fixed on you than on anyone else at the table, but the atmosphere was so pleasant that you were no longer embarrassed to have to look at him so closely. Or to feel his hand brushing lightly against yours a few times when the two of you went to get something from the tray to eat because you were sitting next to each other.

For Jay, after years, that feeling was rediscovered. He thought he was rusty, worn out from feeling something good romantically or even in the form of interest in someone. But not when you talked so animatedly, or with the swearing at Heeseung while he stole some fries from your tray.

Jay didn't have time to experience this feeling with Yuri because she didn't care much for Jay's friendships, not even Jake whom he had known since high school.

Yuri seemed to want to deprive him of some things even though they had only been together for a short time.

Don't call them haunts, they'll show up, Jay thought to himself as soon as he looked up, two tables away. Yuri was staring at him fervently, looking as if her face was red from something spicy she had eaten. But there was nothing spicy on the menu, so why did she look like she was about to explode?

"Jay" he quickly turned to you, surprised that you were calling him. He stared at you, realizing that you were whispering while his friends were talking loudly and excitedly about another conversation. He leaned in close enough for you to continue saying "Are you okay?"

Don't make it difficult, y/n. I can't feel like kissing you right now, he sighed but nodded in agreement.

"I am, it's just…" he looked again at the table Yuri was at, wanting to curse himself in every possible way when you looked in the same direction and then at him.

Your posture straightened and you had a frightened look on your face.

In your mind, he was still thinking about his ex, so all the joking around that his friends were doing wouldn't lead anywhere.

In his mind, Jay didn't care if Yuri was angry with another woman sitting next to him or not. He only cared about your interpretation and what you thought of it. He didn't want it to be taken the wrong way and end something that had barely begun.

"Am I supposed to feel bad that she's ignoring me?" Jay huffed, untying his holster and throwing it on the table abruptly.

He didn't understand why he was so nervous. Maybe it was because he and the team of investigators had finally started working together, and you were the only one who wasn't looking directly into his eyes anymore.

For the first few days, Jay thought it was the nervousness of the interaction since he also knew how much his friends teased him about the whole situation. But then he started to put the pieces together, exchanging glances with Yuri… until Heeseung went in as a personal investigator and tried to get something out of it.

"His ex looked like she was going to kill him with just that look" you whispered to your friend, telling him what had happened in the refectory. Heeseung even opened his mouth to say something, but Jake had called for them to start organizing the operations.

Jay didn't feel good about it. The relationship had been years ago, people had talked about it for months until it had cooled down and, after all this time, he finally felt ready to rediscover his feelings, or whatever they were, for you. But it seemed that Yuri was suffocating him even though you were no longer with him.

The few things you told Heeseung that weren't secret, he told Jay. And that made him understand why you were ignoring him.

"She just thinks too much" Stella pulled out the swivel chair to sit next to Jay's desk. Only the two bosses were there after Heeseung left with Jake "Y/n doesn't have such a…"

"As bad as mine?" Jay let out a sarcastic whisper, hating the way Yuri could still affect him even though he hadn't done anything.

"I wouldn't put it like that, but since you did" she shrugged, causing Jay to let out a small laugh. Remembering when Heeseung said that she would probably be the friend that Jay could pick on, just like Heeseung and you did.

"I don't know, I really liked her, you know? It was weird, but I liked it" Jay sat down and leaned all his weight on the chair. Stella remained silent, enjoying the free venting session "I never thought I could have this feeling after what Yuri did."

"She was a bitch."

"Yes, she was" Jay let Stella laugh at the situation, ending up laughing too "Now your friend hates me."

"No, she doesn't" the woman pouted, twisting in her chair as she stared at the office ceiling "Maybe she needs to hear from you what happened."

"That my ex is psychotic and even I don't know why she was looking so angry?" he asked.

"Exactly" Stella stopped spinning, raising her head and meeting Jay's gaze "Then you can ask her to dinner."

The naturalness with which Stella had said it made Jay certain why she and Heeseung were a perfect couple.

"Right, I…"

"Rest room" she said as soon as he stood up "Not the one you… Well… It's been forbidden since Jake told us what floor it was. So we don't go there anymore."

He laughed, probably imagining the story his best friend had told to try to convince them. The betrayal in itself was already a story, but Jake had certainly increased it by 300%, even telling them that they would have bad luck in any niche of life if they continued resting in the room he entered and found Yuri and the other policeman.

Jay listened carefully to where the restroom was and quickly climbed the stairs, not wanting to wait for an elevator – and there were only two flights – he arrived so quickly that he had to catch his breath as he walked through the corridors until he arrived in front of the door.

You can do it, Jongseong. He said to himself before turning the handle and entering.

Stella was right, you were in that room sitting on the sofa with your feet propped up on the coffee table. A cup of juice was in front of you and your attention was focused on some papers in your hands. You only looked away when Jay snorted, causing you to startle and quickly get up from the sofa.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" he said afterward, noticing that you weren't expecting him there. Well, he wasn't even expecting to come after you, if he was honest.

"It's okay, I… I was just leaving" you put the papers in the envelope and tried to look for your coat.

"No, wait," Jay ordered.

Don't keep talking, don't say anything.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Fuck. You squeezed your eyes shut as soon as you turned back to pick up the cup of juice on the coffee table, letting all the air out of your lungs in a sigh, hoping that Jay hadn't heard the urgency with which it had happened.

Turning to face him, with the envelope in one hand and the cup of juice in the other, you nodded, indicating that you were listening.

"Something wrong with the case? I was reviewing some—"

"It's nothing to do with the case" Jay interrupted subtly, taking a few more subtle steps towards you. If you noticed the approach, you didn't flinch, only noticing how close he was when, with one more step, Jay would completely glue his body to yours.

"So what's it about?" you didn't even know because your voice dropped an octave, let alone why Jay was whispering when there were only the two of you there.

Carefully and without answering anything, he took the envelope and the cup from your hand, placing them both on the coffee table and finally bringing his body completely close to yours.

You knew Jay's proportions from the way his muscles were well-defined by his dress clothes, his suspenders, and any other possible garment. You also knew how fit he was because you'd seen him once in a while in casual clothes, when he went to the police station to pick up something he'd forgotten or even helping you and Jake, as deputy boss, who stayed late solving the case you were working on together.

You knew that. But seeing it up close seemed to be even bigger than usual.

"About the misunderstanding on refectory day" every word Jay uttered, he made a point of prolonging the ending just so that the air from his mouth hit your skin. Making you close your eyes and concentrate on the minty breath mixed with coffee.

Your mouth opened to protest, but Jay – not knowing where the courage had come from – brought one of his hands to your waist to press your body against his. This kept you quiet for a few seconds, even if he had intended to shut you up in some other way. And he wanted to. He would.

Jay leaned in close enough for you to feel his warm lips brushing against yours. One more little impulse and you'd press your lips to his, feel even more of the minty coffee breath in your mouth. Your hands circle his chest until they meet the collar of his dress shirt.

And with that, Jay knew it was time to move on and finally press his lips to yours.

"Holy fuck, Heeseung!" the bang of the door together with Jake's shout made you and Jay separate quickly.

Not because you were caught almost kissing, but because Jake's scream had startled you both.

"I didn't know it was this break room" he almost cried "Oh my God, forgive me."

"I'm going to kill you" Jake kept shouting "Sorry, guys. You two… Can you…" he looked between you and Jay, his hand still on your waist and you keeping your hand against his chest "Go on…"

"Did you even kiss?" Heeseung asked.

"Both of you, out. Now!" you could see Jay's authoritative tone, but with a hint of playfulness as he tried to hold back his laughter when he saw his two friends, wide-eyed, rush to close the door to the restroom and get out of there as quickly as they had entered.

He looked at you again, smiling broadly as you mirrored his smile.

"How about we go downstairs? They probably haven't even left the hall and I don't want them getting in our way again" you said.

"If you promise me we can pick up where we left off afterwards."

"When?" you turned to Jay as he picked up your things from the table, you walked to the chair on the other side of the room to get your coat.

"I think we're staying late tonight and, well, I can't let you go home alone, can I?"

"Maybe I'll skip Stella's ride" you shrugged.

"I'd love that" he smiled, moving closer and leaving a kiss on the top of your head. Handing you the cup of juice and taking the case envelope, Jay opened the door just as Heeseung and Jake were leaning over it, almost falling into the room and on top of the boss when he took a step forward.

"Jay! Y/n!" Jake greeted the two of you. Jay stared at you for a second, then looked at the two of you right in front of him.

"I'm the one who's going to kill you two" he gritted his teeth and put his hand on his waistband, where his holster would be. Jake and Heeseung didn't even want to check, just running down the corridor and shouting for Jay not to do anything. He also ran after his friends shouting a few curses, while you stayed behind to turn off the lights and close the door.

You always looked forward to leaving work, even when you were working overtime. But today, in particular, was the day you most wanted to leave in company.

You wondered how you could live so long without having Jay's lips on yours. Or how you managed to survive without feeling every touch, or how easily you woke up and went to sleep without having him in your bed?

The answers came little by little over the two months since the first kiss you two shared, in his car, when he drove you home late at night. Maybe not just a kiss and you knew Stella would freak out when you told her you had sex with Jay in the back seat of his car. But if she shared things about Heeseung and herself, it was your turn too.

You feared that things would cool down, or that you and he would feel so overwhelmed with work that you wouldn't want to keep what you were having.

No labels, not a single statement.

The most that came out of each other's mouths was "I like you, you know that?" and then a smile so silly that neither of you wanted to intensify it. For fear that everything was going so well and it could simply be ruined.

Or for you, who had never felt like this and fallen in love with someone.

"So this is what it's like to be in love?" you asked Heeseung dreamily when you were both in the break room. A week before the case you shared with Jay's department closed.

Having in-depth conversations with him was better than with Stella because with her you were a little afraid. She seemed like a protective mother and was sure to tell you all the pros and cons of being in love.

It was also difficult for Jay to know that he was in love, even more so after everything he had experienced so far.

"I don't want to hurt her" he sighed, resting his head in his hands and closing his eyes tightly.

"You won't" Jake assured his best friend "You've finally managed to fall in love again and I'm glad it's someone like you."

"Why?" he asked, looking at his best friend.

"Because she looks after you and cares" he said "And because she treats your friends well, that's enough, don't you think?"

Jay knew it was because Yuri had never been very nice to Jake. So small attitudes counted, there was no comparison between the two of you, he knew there was no reason to be afraid. But he also knew that he needed to find a moment in which he could say what he felt.

He wanted the security of knowing that you were in love too. And you wanted him to feel good and safe being around someone else after the enormous trauma he'd been through.

The two of you – without knowing it – silently shared the same care.

"Y/n, Stella" the head of the police station entered the room, dispelling your thoughts and making you focus on the gray-haired man who had just entered. You and your friend stood up, greeting the middle-aged man and smiling as kindly as he did "Are you busy?"

"Never for you, sir" Stella said with a smile.

"Good, I need you two for a day" he said, slowly shifting his gaze between you and Stella "It's a criminal case and I know Heeseung is with Jake, so you're the only two I can trust."

"Perfect, do you want it now?"

Stella's question made the boss agree, leading the two of you out of the room and towards the criminal cases department. You usually left such matters to Heeseung or even another teammate, but seeing your boss call for you and your best friend was really endearing. It meant that he trusted the two of you, chief and deputy chief, to do the job well.

The department was much bigger than the one you and Stella worked in, after all, criminal cases had a large proportion. And investigators could work in any department as long as they were asked to, as was happening now.

"We have a transcribed case and we need you two to take a look at it and try to spot something that the other investigator didn't find" the chief passed the paper to Stella, letting her read it and then pass it on to you.

As soon as she'd finished, her eyes went carefully over the document, listening attentively to her boss and best friend, punctuating a few things with the older man and hearing him agree and add more things that other policemen had discovered too.

"So we have a starting point, that's good" he said after you'd finished reading, nodding to someone behind you and beckoning you to come closer.

"Girls, this is Yuri, the one who wrote the document that you two have just read" this could only be a joke in very bad taste. But no. From the seriousness your boss presented, you knew it was strictly professional.

Stella looked at you quickly, trying not to look so shocked when she faced Yuri first. Just a nod was enough for the greeting.

You, in turn, turned slowly until you were face to face with the woman. She seemed as surprised as you were. Her mouth opened slightly in shock, but as soon as she saw your serious expression, jaw set and misty eyes, Yuri smiled.

"Hi boss. Girls" she greeted.

"Yuri, this is Stella and Y/n, the boss and deputy boss investigators I asked to read the document you wrote" he explained.

"Oh, yes. Stella is the boss" she pointed at her friend "And y/n is the deputy boss who is taking my leftovers and sleeping with my ex-boyfriend?"

"Excuse me?" you knew it was ridiculous to fight for these reasons, but hearing her swear at you gratuitously wasn't on the list of good manners you swore to uphold at work. So when you pushed her against the table as hard as you could, hearing the thud of Yuri's body in the same tone as her loud scream, you knew you were done for.

"Y/n, what's that?" your boss asked, shocked by the reaction.

Stella really was a great boss, or she tried to approach Yuri for fear that you'd end up actually hitting the woman. So she helped her up, seeing that the blow had been really hard.

"I don't tolerate disrespect, boss."

"But we don't tolerate aggression" he was shocked, but he didn't seem angry. He knew his employees so well, especially you – along with Heeseung – that it was almost impossible to see them with their faces closed.

"She won't be working on my case anymore" Yuri's voice was tearful, her eyes watery and her breathing rapid.

"Your case? I'm the deputy boss here, you self-interested bitch."

It was Yuri's turn to try to do the same to you, but Stella was already holding her back and her boss had put himself between the two of you, afraid that something else might happen.

"Stella" he called out.

"Boss" the two of you exchanged places, she held you down to get you out of there while he pulled Yuri away and tried to talk to her.

"I'll meet you in your office in five minutes" he said before your friend could get you out of that department. You felt your blood boil as you cursed Yuri one last time.

"What?" Jake felt the pillow being pressed against his face by Sunoo, listening intently to everything you had said so far.

"Jake, please" you begged, whimpering.

"She told us because if she told Heeseung, he'd scream and Jay would find out" Sunoo recalled.

That's why the three of you were in the break room on the top floor.

Your boss chose to suspend you and Yuri for two weeks. This consisted of no badges, no guns, no holsters and, above all, no going to the police station. You just had to wait for the day to end and then go home and be grounded for two weeks, as Stella said as soon as she had told the story in a more motherly way to the two boys in front of you before going to meet Heeseung and Jay.

"I just need to know what to do to tell him" you paced back and forth in the living room, on the other side of the coffee table.

"When did this happen?" Jake asked.

"Thirty or forty minutes ago, I'm not sure" you said.

"Okay, then" he straightened his arm, glancing at his wristwatch "In ten minutes or so, Jay will know and he'll be shouting down the corridors looking for you."

"Y/n" was Jay's voice. And he sounded extremely angry.

"Maybe less than ten minutes" he tried to joke about the situation, knowing that even though it wasn't funny, it made you let out a quick laugh "Right, I'm not going to let him talk to you now. That won't be good."

"Let's go outside" Sunoo ordered, getting up from the sofa along with Jake.

"Fucking hell!" Jake shouted in fright as Jay opened the door without warning "You need to tell us when you're coming in, there are people who could die of a heart attack."

Jay looked at his best friend, without really answering him, then looked at Sunoo and finally at you.

"We need to talk."

"Now?" you tried to smile, showing all your teeth as you looked at Jake for help.

"Now" he said seriously.

"You know what?" you stood behind Sunoo at all times "I promised Jake I'd help him with some papers, you know."

"Yeah, deputy boss stuff" Jake shrugged.

Jay sighed, massaging the space between his nose and eyebrow with the slight headache he was feeling.

"There's no way you can help him when you're suspended from work for two weeks" he said coldly.

Shit. It was the only quick swear word you could think of, not knowing what to say as you watched Jay ask – almost order – Jake and Sunoo to leave the room.

You wanted to go with them, almost grabbing Sunoo and running past Jay without him being able to stop you, but your two fearful friends ran out of the room and quickly closed the door.

Silence settled in as Jay continued to stand by the door, a long distance from where you were still standing by the coffee table in the break room. He looked around without looking at you for long minutes, perhaps thinking, cursing. You didn't know.

And that was making you more and more anxious. What was he going to fight you for? The fight or because you stood up to his ex? Or because you stood up to his ex by fighting in a way that resulted in your suspension?

What was Jay thinking, anyway?

As if he could read thoughts, while you were thinking about his name, that gaze finally stopped on you. It was loaded with so many things that you couldn't even decipher which was which first, but one of them was fear. Jay seemed afraid of something as he approached you in hurried, persistent steps.

As soon as he stopped right in front of you, he ran his thumb over your cheek and leaned close enough to brush his lips against your forehead.

"What…" you whispered, confused by the sudden change in his behavior.

"I wanted to scare you a little, just like Stella scared me when I found out" he said in the same tone, lowering his lips to kiss yours quickly.

You slapped his arm, causing Jay to laugh as he wrapped his arms around you and finally kissed you once more.

It was slow but intense. Every movement made you sigh against his mouth while the way Jay deepened the kiss made you even more enamored of him. Even more in love and addicted to his touches. He stopped when he needed to catch his breath, not only because he was kissing you, but also because he had run into the living room to find you.

Staying with his forehead against yours, touching the tip of your nose with his, Jay sighed.

"Suspended? Really, y/n?" the tone was playful, but at the same time scolding.

"What? Could she talk the way she talked to me?" you asked, slightly offended at still remembering what she had said.

Jay shook his head, tightening his arms even more around your waist.

"She couldn't" he replied, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He wanted to say it without having to look you in the eye, so maybe close to your ear would be a good idea, so you could hear him and he wouldn't have to interrupt "I was just afraid."

You knew him well, how strange. He really was afraid.

"Afraid of what?" you tried to get him to look at you, but every time he moved, Jay sank his face further into your neck, sniffing your skin and whimpering that he wanted to stay there.

"Afraid she'd ruin anything I was thinking of having with anyone" he said, his voice muffled because he'd kissed your skin "Afraid she'd interfere with my relationship in some way" Jay whispered, sliding his arms around your waist so that his hands could take that spot. His fingers lightly squeezed the spot as he let all the air out of his lungs, raising his head and finally facing your gaze "I was afraid she'd manage to take you away from me because…"

The intensity in your gaze and your slightly accelerated breathing indicated that you were waiting for the answer. And Jay knew it. He knew you wanted to hear it as much as he wanted to say it.

"Because I'm in love with you, y/n. And I think that finally, after finding something good in my life, I was afraid that it would ruin everything."

"Say it again" you insisted.

"What? That I'm scared?" Jay asked confused.

"That you're in love with me, idiot" you rolled your eyes, laughing along with him.

Jay moved a little closer, distributing slow kisses all over your face until he finally reached your lips.

"Me, Park Jongseong, I'm in love with you, y/n."

Your shrug was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, accompanied by a low chuckle as you slowly kissed his lips.

"Me, y/n, I'm in love with you too, Park Jongseong" you whispered against his lips, laughing even harder when he seemed to relax his whole body and drop the weight from his shoulders.

"That's so nice to hear" he said before kissing you for real.

With intensity, tongues intertwined and hands where they could hold each other. Without too much fuss because they were in the break room at the police station, and because Jay had the impression that the kiss would be interrupted at some point. He just didn't want to be so sure when he heard the door open, forcing him to separate from you quickly.

"Oh, you two are in there… Kissing" Jake shouted the last part as if he needed to say it and it was code for something.

Maybe it was, considering that Heeseung appeared soon after, along with Sunoo and Stella at the door of the room.

"Kissing means you two aren't fighting, right?" Sunoo asked. Jay looked at you and, with a mutual nod, you both agreed.

"So does that mean we can go out and celebrate y/n's suspension?" Jake hummed.

Jay gave you one more quick kiss on the lips before pulling away, putting his hands on your waist, and looking at his friends.

"Stella, are you wearing your holster?" he asked, putting his hands on his waist.

"Yes, I am" she pointed to the accessory, showing the gun stored there too.

"How many bullets do you have?"

"I think I have five left" she replied, unable to contain her laughter when Jay said it.

"Perfect, I only need three!"

"Baby…" Heeseung whined to Stella as he was the first to run, followed by Sunoo who was screaming along with Jake.

Jay passed the girl at the door without even touching the gun, only to scare them off as he ran after his friends.

"Come on, we're having dinner at the Japanese restaurant tonight" she said to you after she waited for you to approach, wrapping her arms around your shoulders as you left the restroom.

For so long, neither you nor Jay thought you could find happiness inside that police station. Jay, for obvious reasons. You, for never having experienced it.

But just like work, everyday life wasn't planned at all and sometimes unforeseen events arose. Cases arriving on your desk in the middle of the day, or two or three suspects you hadn't paid attention to. Even someone with a gun in an operation that Jay was taking part in.

Or, on top of that, an unexpected love interest in the department next door.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[doshmanziari]

Without a doubt, and by far, the most marginalizing development I've seen within media analysis over the past decade is a shift towards the production of long, flashy videos which tend to require the same for a dialogue to occur. Literally nothing which has been written about Elden Ring, for example, since its release has enjoyed even a fraction of the visibility as a one-hour-and-forty-minutes video by Joseph Smith, or another of similar length by NeverKnowsBest. I don't know when exactly the shift started to happen most obviously -- maybe 2016 or 2017 -- but, today, circumstances are such that pretty much the only way to get real discursive traction on your thoughts about a piece of media is to make a colossus of a video.

Although worried and worrying discourse has complemented the unveiling of newer public A.I. technologies, we've already done a perfectly fine job of out-dating other forms of media communication by way of the aforementioned analytic format; just as, of course, earlier methods of industrial production rendered a whole variety of professions or emphases as outmoded. If you don't have the relevant editing tools at your disposal and/or don't want to spend hundreds of hours cropping footage and making it fit with music and your own narration, well -- too bad! And even then, of course, there's no guarantee that your video will reach your desired scale of an audience. I've found dozens of such videos on YT channels with only a few thousand views, if that; and on each channel it's clear that the people finally gave up after the monumental task of assembling these videos had no equivalent payoff.

Personally, I do still believe in the primacy of the text (or the spoken word, with no competing stimuli); in text as the primary form of critical engagement. More than that -- if I'm going to read a non-fiction work, I want the paged book, and not a digital version. Now, this preference is just that: a preference. And it surely is a preference a good number of people share. I find that a paged book lends itself better to my own retention of the material; and I really enjoy making my notes on the book's paper with a pen. But I don't believe that the construction of multimedia behemoths should be a baseline requirement for discourse.

I wonder if we will, in the near future, start to see some resurgence of the valuation of unembellished textual analysis complementing a more general fatigue with Internet-derived overstimulation. I've already run across numerous channels with fairly sizable communities where there is an appreciation for the "simplicity" of the formats: a person in a room just talking to the camera. I think a lot of people like engaging analysis where the only barrier of significance is devising a good script. To be sure, this is a formidable barrier in itself. I find writing long-form pieces to be the most difficult of any of my creative practices (which include drawing, painting, and music composition). But if writing on media were my main passion or goal in life, I'd feel fairly crushed to know that these projects now required me to put in perhaps quadruple the amount of time to make a blip on the radar of engagement.

EDIT: Thinking on this -- I wonder if there's a parallel to be found in the realm of supplementing one's work with excess-entertainment via social media engagement; e.g., daily Instagram videos. "Excess-entertainment" refers to material that's being made not because everyone who's making it wants to make it, but because each person is now beholden to an abstractly instituted algorithm of engagement -- an algorithm reinforced by audiences who, also under algorithmic influence, will wonder what's going on if a week goes by without something from a Content Creator.

Most artists who I've talked to regarding their Instagram videos say they would be only too happy if they never had to do another upload showing them adding paint or linework to a work-in-progress with lo-fi beats. Similarly, I wonder how many people making these mega-videos actually want to make them, and if we're not rather seeing the production of this material under a mutual, and mutually untrue, assumption of necessity, and the demands of a largely imaginary audience; and how long they'll be able to keep the act up, given the certainly enormous time investments they require (while noting that I am sure the more successful people hire others to do most of the editing for them).

[theonethatyaks93]

Happy Holidays!!

Here's a little one-shot I did just in time for Christmas! I have a link to AO3 if you want to read it there but I'll post it here as well, in case you want to read it that way:

Brain could not fathom what had gotten him to this point. He was struggling to comprehend why he had decided that today, of all days in the year, he’d chosen to admit to Pinky about his personal feelings towards him. It was Christmas, a time for cheer, for good tidings. He couldn’t bare to face rejection today, especially since he’d given up concocting a world domination scheme in favor for…what he supposed was an elaborate confession.

But he couldn’t say it aloud. Not in the slightest. That would require weeks upon weeks of careful planning for Brain to even come close to verbally communicating with his partner in an adequate style. So, he decided to show rather than tell. Which wasn’t his forte in the slightest. He prided himself on his extensive vocabulary, his desire to inform all around him. Yet when it came to talking with Pinky about his non-platonic thoughts, his mind went blank and dry. He supposed a physical gesture would suffice perfectly fine.

The megalomaniac opened the unlocked caged door, a slight waiver in each step he took, his body trembling ever so slightly. The Christmas lights strung all about were calming, but his nerves were high.  This would either go extremely well, or... it could signal the end to their friendship. Permanently.

He sighed quietly when he saw Pinky happily dancing with tinsel, finishing the last of the decorating. He seemed to not have a care in the world, his pretty pleasant humming sending shivers down Brain’s spine. He took a deep breath, swallowed heavily, and approached his companion, the blush already forming on his face.

“Pinky, come here now.” Brain tried to sound irritated, but it just sounded like he was unsure and skittish.

This wasn’t going to go well.

 The taller mouse gladly set down his tinsel and sauntered over to where Brain was standing, a large grin on his face. “Poit! Hi, Brain! Need somethin’ for your plan thingy? I was just decorating, but I can totally stop and help you!”

Brain rubbed the back of his paw, biting his lip as the words he was trying to say left him. “No, I’m not executing a plan tonight, as bizarre as that sounds, but I appreciate your consideration for assisting me.”

“Oh, alright! Troz! So then, what did you want to tell me Brain?” Pinky clapped eagerly. “Ooh, is it a surprise? Or do I have something in my teeth again. I hate it when that happens!”

“Your teeth are…fine.” Brain reeled the conversation back to where he was initially leading it, mostly so the lingering pink in his cheeks could hopefully dissipate. “I just wanted to show you something…important…yes…very important.”

Why was talking to Pinky so hard today?

Pinky’s eyes widened. Brain could tell his friend was interested in whatever he had prepared and that allowed him to feel somewhat reassured. Maybe this ordeal would go better than he expected.

“Oh, what is it, Brain? Narf! Another super-duper sweet Christmas gift to go with all the other ones you got me? You didn’t have to!”

“You could say that.” Brain felt his stomach churn a little “Think of it as another Christmas present for yourself to add onto your expansive collection.”

Now that he so carelessly phrased his little profession as a gift for Pinky, he could comprehend that his companion’s expectations were raised. The what-if questions popped into his head about the possible scenarios that would occur, some were optimistic, but most were damaging to a catastrophic degree.

“Brain!” The lanky mouse pulled him into a tight embrace, squeezing all the oxygen out from inside him. “Thank you, thank you! I owe ya one!”

Brain wheezed in Pinky’s crushing hold, attempting to move his arms to free himself, but to no avail.

“Pinky…can’t…breathe…stop.”

“Sorry!” Pinky let him go, a sympathetic and embarrassed look on his face. “Sometimes I don’t know me own strength. Troz! Anywhosies, where is this gift for me?”

“It’s a…well…it’s a surprise sort of thing…so I think it would be most beneficial to…” He stopped dead in his tracks when he glanced at Pinky’s soft blue eyes so full of a bright hope. Brain felt the temperature rise around him, the words he was attempting to say catching in his throat. He was extremely uneasy, though he quickly realized that he needed to show Pinky, or his chance would slip away.

Granted, he probably would get an ample number of opportunities in the future, but he’d already pushed these emotions away for far too long. Now or never, he supposed.

Being briefly lost in his stuttering, the shorter mouse finally found his coherent speech again after what seemed like an eternity. “…to close your eyes and just let me guide you to what I want to show you, Pinky. Can you do that?”

“Of course I can close my eyes, silly! I do that to sleep!” Pinky patted Brain’s head gently. “I’m dumb, but I’m not that dumb! Zort!”

“That’s debatable.” Brain retorted with an eyeroll.

“Close your eyes. No peeking.”

Pinky followed Brain’s order with ease, even covering his face with one of his paws to go a bit further. Even that, however, couldn’t restrain his incessant giggling.

Brain fidgeted in his spot, not really confident on where to go next. He looked at Pinky’s other paw, his breath hitching as he reached out to hold it. His blush deepened when he heard Pinky make a shocked gasp as their hands met. “Are you comfortable, Pinky? I’m not holding anything too hard, right?”

“Absolutely, Brain! Nothing to worry about here! Your hand is very soft!”

The mouse sighed and began pulling Pinky along behind him, trying his best to avoid all obstacles in their path. Luckily, it wasn’t far to Brain’s…what he supposed was a gift. At least from Pinky’s perspective.

He only glanced at Pinky once while they walked hand-in-hand (mostly because he didn’t want to see his partner’s endearing face), but as soon as he saw his friend, his anger increased when he caught a tiny glimpse of Pinky’s eyes through his fingers.

“Pinky! I said no peeking! Why can toast follow instructions better than you?”

“M’sorry Brain.” He immediately covered his face again, a sheepish grin ever present on his lips. “I just couldn’t help myself. Poit! I promise I won’t look again.”

Brain groaned but continued to guide his companion to a more secluded area of the room. His heartrate drastically increased, and he could feel sweat forming on his forehead. What he was about to do was extremely risky. It could change everything.

It wasn’t going to work. Pinky would certainly reject these “advances.”

He positioned his partner to where they were standing face-to-face. Brain hastily let go of Pinky’s paw, still not entirely being used to this more intimate handholding. He brushed himself off before the moment of truth, where things were likely going to be altered considerably.

Brain inhaled deeply and suppressed his worries to his best ability. “You can open your eyes now.”

Pinky gladly obliged, removing his hand from his face and opening his blue eyes. He began looking around, a slight bit of confusion lingering in his expression. Brain felt his chest sink a little.

“Brain, I don’t see anything.” Pinky scratched his head for a second before his face lit up. “Did you get me air for Christmas? Troz! Oh, thank you, that’s so thoughtful! I can use it to breathe and…”

“No, Pinky.” Brain covered his companion’s mouth before he could say anything else, though he admitted to being relieved that Pinky’s initial uncertainty had not been as a result to what he actually had planned. He gestured upward, holding his breath as he did so.

Here we go.

A tiny green plant with white berries hung down from a pole, swaying gently in the light breeze that chilled the lab. Brain felt extremely lightheaded as he finally revealed his stab at a confession. But he felt himself almost pass out when he noticed Pinky’s face change from joy to one of…even more confusion? What?

“Uhm, Brain. How’s a plant going to help me breathe? You aren’t making sense. Is everything okay in that big ol’ head of yours?” He rested a paw on Brain’s shoulder.

Great, now he’d have to basically spell everything out for him. Just perfect.

Brain sighed, letting the last string of dignity he had left go and fully allowing a dark red blush to invade his face. “You are mistaken, Pinky. This plant doesn’t aid in breathing. Rather it’s…it’s…mistletoe.” He had to face away from his partner to avoid the awkward conversation that was about to unfold.

His attention was grabbed once again when he heard a quiet squeak from the mouse standing behind him. It was so unusual to hear something so primitive come from his companion. Brain turned around to see Pinky, who looked positively bewildered, eyes widened.

“What did you say, Brain?”

It was his shocked tone. Usually, Pinky would inanely ask Brain to repeat a part of his plan for global conquest, but he would sound optimistic. Pinky was anything from jovial now; rather he was almost quiet.

Brain nervously rubbed his paws together. He wasn’t exactly sure whether Pinky’s reaction was good or bad. “It’s mistletoe, Pinky. Y’know, that Christmas tradition...some people do.” He trailed off as he lost any motivation to keep talking, especially after seeing Pinky’s glance towards him.

He looked so lost, even a little anxious. What was he thinking?

“Brain, I-”

“No, no. Let me finish.” He interrupted his partner, trying his best not to shake like an idiot. “Listen, I’ve been having these…feelings for you as of recently. When it started, how long it’s been going on, I have no reasonable idea. I couldn’t just tell you these personal thoughts. I don’t think I would’ve been able to execute it expertly. So, since it’s Christmas, I decided to…well uhm…show you with this.”

“Hmm-”

Brain silenced him again, but this time, it was by him pressing his lips against Pinky’s. He closed his eyes, doing his best to sink into the kiss like it was the only time he could ever make a move. He heard Pinky elicit a soft gasp, causing him to fall back to reality.

What was he doing?

Brain tore away from Pinky, his heart racing, and his mind spiraling. He’d made a huge mistake; he’d lost something else that he could never get back. He blinked back the tears forming in his eyes as he tried to salvage what little he had left of their relationship. “Pinky, I-I’m sorry for doing that. It was impulsive of me, and I’ve made a grave fault with your emotions. I’ll just leave now for your…”

“Do it again.”

He turned to face his friend, voice fading to only a discreet murmur at what he’d just heard.

“Pardon?”

“Do it again, Brain.”

Oh. Oh.

He couldn’t have meant…that. Could he?

Just to clarify, Brain spoke up, using all his willpower not to make assumptions. “As in what…”

“Can you kiss me again, Brain.” Pinky cut him off abruptly.

This wasn’t a joke. He really wanted this.

Brain felt his ears pin back, his eyes widen in elation. He could only stare at Pinky and his gentle features, how calm yet excited he appeared and the soft smile he always held on to. Brain moved towards him, ready to accept his partner’s request.

“Y-yes, I suppose we could…repeat my previous action if you so desire to.”

And with that, the megalomaniac held Pinky’s cheeks and pulled him into another kiss, only this time, Pinky kissed back. Their lips seemed to move in tandem. Brain let down his tough exterior for a moment and allowed himself to moan against Pinky’s mouth. Pinky’s arms wrapped around Brain’s waist, pulling the two even closer together than before. Brain moved one paw from Pinky’s cheek to his chest, as he began to stroke his mildly unkept fur. He could also feel Pinky’s heart beating against his palm, loud and quick yet tender. He heard Pinky sigh once before he leaned into Brain more, deepening their kiss.

Almost a little too deep.

Pinky leaned so far, that Brain felt his legs give out, sending both mice tumbling to the ground, ending their kiss abruptly. Pinky burst out in hysterics, giggling as he pulled Brain to his feet, but not before planting a tiny peck on Brain’s nose. For once, Brain didn’t even mind that Pinky had caused him light pain. He was still recovering from their kiss. Both of them, to be precise.

“So, I’m guessing that you appreciated my little gesture.” Brain felt his cheeks burn red, though he appreciated his ability to mildly flirt with Pinky.

“I loved it, Brain! Narf! Why didn’t you show me sooner? I would’ve kissed you even then!” Pinky pulled the shorter mouse into a side hug, nuzzling his head.

Brain felt like he would melt where he stood. Pinky reciprocated his affections. And best of all, he still wasn’t done with his “surprise.” He planned out a phase two, specifically if Pinky had returned his feelings.

“Pinky, I don’t suppose you’d want to…”

“Kiss again and again? Yes, yes yes!!” Pinky cheered. He quickly pulled Brain into another embrace, locking their lips together in a swift manner. Brain felt himself swoon a little before his arms found their way to Pinky’s waist. When they parted for air, Brain closed the space again.

To add to his plan, Brain tugged at Pinky’s back, guiding them to below another conveniently placed mistletoe. Pinky briefly parted and glanced above them. He blinked once, before letting out an excited squeal.

“Brain! There’s another one!” Pinky looked behind the shorter mouse, seeing a line of mistletoes on string, sort of like a path. “And there’s another one! And another! Zort! Wow! There are so many!”

Brain chuckled, satisfied with Pinky’s reaction to his setup. He grabbed Pinky’s shoulders, their noses pressing together. “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Brain said, in a seductive whisper.

Pinky flushed, a pleasant smile accenting his features. He moved his paws to Brain’s cheeks before responding. “I think so, Brain. But are we reeeeeallly going to kiss under every single one of these mistletoes? Seems like a lot, doesn’t it?”

Brain could tell Pinky didn’t really mean it by his goofy, lovestruck expression, and his half-lidded eyes that conveyed flirtation rather than outright uncertainty. His hold on Pinky increased in vigor. “Your assertions are correct, dearest Pinky. Just follow my lead, and we can both enjoy this Christmas tradition.”

“Sure thing, Brain.”

This time, Pinky made the first move, instigating this kiss in a gingerly fashion. Brain instantly felt his mind turn to mush as Pinky’s cloud-like lips pressed against his, and even though it was their fourth kiss, he still felt a weird bubbly sensation invading his chest. How was Pinky so good at kissing?

They separated for breath, with Brain pulling Pinky beneath another mistletoe. Their lips met again, only this time, they didn’t immediately move to another plant. They kissed a few times, Brain feeling Pinky’s quiet moans and sighs against his mouth. This was going better than he could’ve ever hoped for.

It became almost kind of a dance. They’d kiss, pull apart, and move on to stand beneath another mistletoe. At first, they simply just strolled in a daze, remaining close to one another. But quite quickly, Pinky introduced mild twirls and back and forth swaying before they’d return to each other, and their lips would meet again.  

Brain was enjoying this far more than he expected. The push and pull of their “dancing” was invigorating and enjoyable.  As he and Pinky traveled down his mistletoe path, his cheeks were a dark red and he felt invincible as Pinky literally swept him off his feet.

“Oh, Brain! I could do this forever and ever! Troz! You’re such a great kisser and dancer!”

Brain was almost far too lost on his own romantic thoughts to respond, “Thank you Pinky, for everything. Especially your consideration of my emotional needs. But the thrills aren’t finished just yet.” He held his partner by the waist, placing a soft kiss on his neck. “Just one more kiss and then we’ll have reached the crescendo to my surprise for you.”

Pinky purred dreamily. “I’d like that very much, Brain. And I’m very excited.”

Standing under the final mistletoe on the path, Pinky and Brain kissed once more, the most deep one by far. When it ended, they both were huffing messes.

“Ooh, that was incredible! Poit!” Pinky said breathlessly. “Please say we’re not done.”

Brain chuckled, reaching down to grab Pinky’s paw and interlace their fingers. “We are not. There’s one last thing I did that I hope you will enjoy.”

Pinky beamed, squeezing Brain’s hand as the pink-eyed mouse led him to a wide-open space. He gasped at what he saw.

“Oh. My. Naaaaaaaaarf!”

The entire area had dozens upon dozens of mistletoes hanging from poles. Most had glittery bows that seemed to sparkle in the faint light. Pinky dashed to the middle of the mistletoes, turning around to see all the pretty plants. He was awestruck.

“It’s beautiful Brain! You did this all for me? So we could kiss as much as we want?”

Brain walked over to Pinky, nodding bashfully as he attempted to conceal the pink tints on his face. “I guess you could say that. I truthfully thought that you would reject my advances and you’d never get to see this. But it appears that I was mistaken.”

Pinky pulled Brain closer to him, resting his head on top of Brain’s. “Why would I say no? This is the bestest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Troz! I’m so happy!”

“I’m glad you liked what I made.” Brain felt relieved that his companion was so grateful for what he did. “I don’t suppose that since we’re surrounded by this mistletoe, we could…oof!”

Brain was cut short by Pinky tackling him to the ground. While he was a little peeved at the abrupt contact with the floor, his initial distaste was stifled when Pinky’s lips pressed against his own. He closed his eyes as he sank into the kiss, his paws finding their way to his partner’s back. His body grew very warm when Pinky gently touched his cheeks before he began stroking his ears. Brain felt his heart skip a beat when he heard Pinky moan softly; it sounded, dare he say it, adorable. He deepened their kiss, sensing Pinky’s head angling back to allow him to do so. Despite the fact that Pinky was larger than him, Brain felt comfortable that all of Pinky’s weight was on him.

When they parted, Brain closed the space between their mouths almost instantly. The entire world seemed to stand still as they kissed. He didn’t even bother noticing any of his surroundings. All that mattered to him was ensuring that this kiss be satisfactory for Pinky.

Somehow, Brain found himself sitting on the taller mouse’s chest, meaning they had been rolling around during their little kissing session. Pinky giggled at the sight, ruffling the fur on Brain’s head playfully before he forcibly grabbed Brain’s back and pulled him into another kiss.

Time passed, it could have been seconds, minutes, or hours. Brain didn’t pay attention. He was utterly transfixed by the stunning mouse that was kissing him passionately, making him feel so lucky that he’d taken the chance to confess. But still. Something wasn’t adding up right.

Why was Pinky so adamant about them kissing?

As if he’d read his mind, Pinky pulled away, looking at Brain with so much adoration in his sky-blue gaze. “Does this mean we’re a couple, Brain?”

“What?”

“I mean, we’ve done all the fun couple-y things I see on T.V. Troz! We kissed, we daaaanced. Oh, and we hugged, and you bop me on the head, and we sleep together. Egad, we’re just like those old-timey sitcom couples!”

A dawning realization hit Brain. Did Pinky truly have feelings for him, too? And how long had he had them? Years it seemed. He didn’t know how to respond initially.

Brain’s ears pinned back as he pondered, finally reaching a decent conclusion. “Yes, Pinky. I believe that due to these circumstances we’ve found ourselves in, I sense that we may have a non-platonic relationship currently.”

“What does that mean?”

He rolled his eyes. “What it means is, yes. It seems we are indeed a…couple.”

Pinky’s smile grew bigger, and tears of joy ran down his face. “Does this mean we can smooch whenever? Not just under the mistletoe? Narf!”

Goodness his face was red.

“I-I suppose so.” Brain was going to faint.

“Brain! We’re a couple! Oh, and we can kiss whenever we…”

The megalomaniac placed a finger on Pinky’s lips, silencing him. When he removed his finger, he wasted no time and began kissing Pinky, continuing their mistletoe-induced affection anew.

After a few minutes of nothing but their lips pressing together, they parted, both mice gasping for air. Brain got off Pinky’s chest, pulling his friend to his feet with a light tug. He heavily disliked ending their intimacy but it was getting a little late.

“Pinky, can you be so kind as to prepare dinner for the both of us? I’m quite famished after…all of that.” Brain gently combed his fingers through Pinky’s chest fur, doing his best to persuade his companion.

“Righty-o, Brain! I’ll make the food pellets just how you like them, aaaaaaand I might add a little somthin’ special just for you! Zort!”

Brain gave Pinky a quick nuzzle. “Do what you must. Don’t take too long though. We have things to do later.”

Pinky gave the shorter mouse a little salute, before kissing Brain’s cheek as the two departed. He skipped away, only to turn around once.

“Can we come back to the mistletoes after dinner?”

Brain pretended to be annoyed, but he was secretly pleased. “Perhaps, if you’re well behaved. I mean, I said we have things to later.”

“Love things?”

“I-I suppose...uh…maybe. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Pinky celebrated. “Yay! Alright, food will be ready in five, darling! Poit!” His pace increased drastically until he disappeared from Brain’s vision.

Though Brain could hear Pinky “whispering” to himself as he ran.

“Brain kissed me! Narf! Brain kissed me!”

The shock from what had just unfolded rushed to Brain’s cranium, causing him to collapse onto his knees. He couldn’t even believe that Pinky was also interested in him, romantically. And they’d essentially made out. For a good thirty minutes. The logical part of his mind told him it was preposterous, unlike his usual mindset.

Yet, he felt riveted, stimulated even, at the prospect of Pinky and him becoming a couple. It caused a feeling only akin to butterflies to occur within his stomach. His heartbeat was fast, his face a deep shade of red. Brain’s Christmas desire had come to pass.

Pinky reciprocated his emotions. It blew him away at just the mere thought of the matter.

As he just sat in his hazy thoughts, Brain couldn’t help but feel slightly enthusiastic about the possibility of them kissing again. Specifically, underneath the mistletoe. It was a thrill unlike any other.

Honestly, he couldn’t care less that it made him seem vulnerable, of a weaker standing.

Finally, being allowed to start a relationship with the mouse he…tolerated most was all he could think about.

And Brain fully admitted, it was going to be a wonderful new chapter in his life.

[bizarrequazar]

GJ and ZZH Updates — August 6-12

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This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

08-06 → Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional image of Han Ye. Caption: "The world is stable and the people are happy. Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon invites all of you to appreciate the prosperity of Dajing."

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a video of Dilireba, Gong Jun, and Liu Yuning talking individually about the show. Caption: "The meeting was short, and we were reluctant to say goodbye. ... @ Gong Jun Simon said that Han Ye has suffered too much in his heart, and hopes that his future life will be free and his heart will be happy. ..."

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video of the Hello Saturday photoshoot released the previous day. Caption: "Wandering between cold and warm, the charm changes. @ Gong Jun Simon imagines being in another world." BGM is Bridges by Koresma.

→ The final episode of Legend of Anle released for VIP viewers.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye and a behind the scenes video. (major show spoilers in both)

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a video compiling behind the scenes clips of Han Ye. Caption: "Here comes a 2.5-dimensional Prince @ Gong Jun Simon's tidbit gift bag, ready to call it a day!"

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted nine behind the scenes gifs of Han Ye. Caption: "Han Ye is calling it a day!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a video of clips of Han Ye formatted to look like a visual novel. Caption: "Hello players in District 1129! Congratulations on completing 'Dajing "Ye" Center' All levels, reach the end in victory! Click on the 'Gong' button below, and the new character card group of SSR @ Gong Jun Simon are waiting for you!"

→ Gong Jun posted a video and letter to his Weibo saying goodbye to Han Ye. [letter translation] [subbed video] This was reposted by his studio.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional poster of Han Ye.

08-07 → QuelleVous posted information about the copyright claims for Surround on YouTube, showing that there is no evidence supporting rumors that Xie Yihua (and Ranyi by extension) won a suit for the song rights.

→ People's Joy Works posted a series of douyins [1] [2] [3] [4] of an interview with Gong Jun. (511 kadian) Subbed videos: [1] [2] [3] [4]

→ Madame Figaro posted the covers for their issue featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian) Caption: "In the past two years, he's traveled all the way to urban dramas, puppetry, fantasy, and then to the contemporary drama 'The Truth' that has just been completed in Hainan. @ Gong Jun Simon 's works are of various types, and the characters are unique. He said: 'What really awes me is the more important requirements of this profession - how to create better characters, how to let the audience see my progress. Every time I get the script, there will actually be a voice in my heart telling I, can this person come alive in the eyes of the audience… Do you have any other possibilities.'" This was reposted by his studio, added caption: "Looking up at life, like fire in the wild. @ Gong Jun Simon interprets retro style."

→ Madame Figaro posted seventeen photos from their shoot with Gong Jun. Caption: "@ Gong Jun Simon agrees that life is experience. He said: 'The only way to get rid of fear is to face it directly.' The prying eyes of the outside world are also accepted calmly, 'Isn't this business just to let people analyze you, and others want to see something different about you.'"

→ Madame Figaro posted a short video of Gong Jun. Caption: "Flaming in midsummer, @ Gong Jun Simon meets us again. He is still happier and more consistent. With the vitality of a wildfire, he lives hotly every day, and he also wants to go farther."

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a douyin (flashing lights cw) of footage from the shoot. Caption: "@ Gong Jun Simon is a gentleman, and can also be a little 'wild'" BGM is Goated by Armani White feat. Denzel Curry.

→ The Instagram posted seven photos of "Zhang Zhehan" and changed the pfp to one of these.

→ Gong Jun posted six photos from the Madame Figaro shoot. Caption: "Time and space flowed, and it was hot. Thanks @ Madame Figaro" He also posted nine to his Xiao Hong Shu, caption: "The style of the next drama is! I don’t know either 🤪The main purpose is to tease you" and ten to his Instagram, caption: "i love this atmosphere!" (in English)

→ Gong Jun's studio posted eighteen more photos from the shoot. Caption: "The sensuality and colours flow, and the shadows are full of volume, @ Gong Jun Simon is flaming in the wild."

→ Madame Figaro posted a video of Gong Jun. Caption: "Chapter 1 Time Past, present, and future, The river of time flows and changes, @ Gong Jun Simon becomes a time traveler, The poetic story, begins here."

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted six more photos from the shoot. Caption: "Can't let go, can't let go at all."

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video (flashing lights cw) from the photoshoot. Caption: "Black and white jump, shadow leaping in waves, @ Gong Jun Simon's retro video output~" BGM is With U by Jazzinuf and Etymology Records.

→ The photographer of the Madame Figaro shoot posted eighteen photos from it, including several not included in the previous posts.

→ Fresh posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun.

→ Little Bowl posted her full interview with Gong Jun.

08-08 → Madame Figaro posted their full interview with Gong Jun.

→ Seeker posted a video interview with Gong Jun. [bonus clip] [subbed bonus]

→ Madame Figaro three more videos [1] [2] [3] [3 subbed] from their shoot with Gong Jun. (1129 kadian on the first) Captions: "Chapter 2 Dreams Spanning time and space, @ Gong Jun Simon is a traveler in a dream, arriving in an unknown place, beyond reality, boundless." "Chapter 3 Traveller Follow the trail, start the journey. @ Gong Jun Simon travels through time and space, The sensual world appeared on the screen, stepping into the peak. Embarking on a fantastic journey." "Chapter 4 Pursuit The ultimate mystery of exploring the inner world, @ Gong Jun Simon breaks the boundaries of what is possible, writes the path with actions, goes to a distant place, and starts again."

→ Madame Figaro posted a Q&A video with Gong Jun. Caption: "@ Gong Jun Simon said that the identity of an actor is not only a profession, but also a sign of progress. It is necessary to use each work to prove the progress of one's acting skills and gain the recognition of the audience. Gong Jun has a clear enough goal, 'I want to become an actor who is worthy of the word "actor", a professional actor with real acting skills.'"

→ Madame Figaro posted another video from their photoshoot. Caption: "'Every stage of life has a mission. The mission of this stage is to improve and be worthy of every role. Complete the work every day, leave no regrets in every scene, learn English, and improve a little every day.' This is @gong Jun Simon's current state of mind."

→ The Instagram posted five selfies of "Zhang Zhehan".

→ 361° posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun. (18:14, 1640 kadian)

→ 361° posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun.

08-09 → Huihuo posted a teaser of their interview with Gong Jun.

→ Accounts associated with the scam made posts celebrating the upcoming Zhang Sanjian album selling 45,000 preorders. The sites they're using for sales don't include statistics so there is currently no way of verifying this number, Even if it is legitimate, it really isn't impressive at all. (The poor whalers have been begging cpfs to buy copies. 🤡)

→ QuelleVous posted that the Chens opened another three companies last month. If I'm not mistaken this now has them at over 15. None of these have Zhang Zhehan or his mother anywhere in the paperwork.

08-10 → The full Huihuo interview was released. [bonus clip] [subbed bonus]

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a bts clip from the Huihuo interview. [subbed video] Caption: "Get up, see the boss singing and dancing"

→ The Instagram posted six photos of "Zhang Zhehan".

→ Gong Jun's studio posted four photos of Gong Jun doing pottery. Caption: "Q: What is @ Gong Jun Simon doing? A: Preparing benefits!"

08-11 → Hogan posted a photo ad (1129 kadian) and commercial for Qixi featuring Gong Jun.

08-12 → Nothing of note.

Additional Reading: → #ZhangZhehan trended on Twitter off and on throughout the week, owing to spam from water armies whalers. → Gong Jun's Hello Saturday episode from last week is now subbed on YouTube. [Bonus segment (no subs)] → Everyone please take care of yourselves today. Take time offline if you need to.

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[chaotic-archaeologist]

hey reid! i'm an undergraduate archaeology struggling to pick between two grad schools right now, and i thought you would be able to give me some advice since you are in grad school right now! one of the programs want an answer by monday, and frankly i want to make a decision this weekend too. my biggest issues are money and knowledge about the programs. one program is fully funding me for a year (is a phd program) and i know more about the positives and negatives of the department and have interacted with a lot of the students i would be working with. the other program is only giving me partal funding for a year (is a masters program) in a really expensive city, and i feel like i don't know what i am going into for the program. but! the masters program has excellent access to what i want to research compared to the other program, and would put me in the area of the work i do for networking and future jobs after the degree. i think in an ideal world, i would pick the masters program, but i just cannot get over the money. even with a second job i don't think i will be making enough per month to live in that city, and i'm not sure working over 20 hours a week is doable/recommended for graduate students because of coursework.

if you have any, any recommendations or thoughts based on the limited knowledge i've given you, i would really appreciate it. i think it would be helpful to hear from someone who isn't familiar with me, because no one is really giving me recommendations.

Hi there, dirtling! Your situation is very similar to the one I found myself in at this time last year. I had also gotten into both a PhD and a Master's program, where the PhD had significantly more funding attached while the MA program was maybe a better fit.

I chose the PhD route (and I'm personally very happy that I did), and I'll walk you through some of the factors that went into my decision.

First, the funding. I won't lie, that was a big part of it for me. I wasn't interested in putting myself into the kind of debt that the Master's would have required. We're in a field that doesn't pay much, and so paying back loans isn't the given that it is with some other professions.

As a PhD student, you have significantly more control over your own fate. The MA program I got into was going to tell me what I was going to do for my thesis. In the PhD program, I get to determine what I'm going to do and (more or less) how I'm going to do it.

I knew at the outset that a PhD was my end goal. With that in mind, in the MA program I'd have to reapply to grad schools a year and a half after the first round. I'm sure you're aware of exactly how exhausting the grad app process is, and I wasn't in a hurry to repeat that.

Psst, also, you can leave your PhD program after you get your Master's, and they'll still have paid for your education.

I do work about 20 hours/week, but that's my job as a TA, which is what covers my funding. I do not have to work an extra job, and most of my cohort also doesn't work outside of academia.

Your research is going to change as a part of grad school. With that in mind, you can be flexible (to a certain degree) about picking the program that is the "perfect" fit. You'll be able to network at different events and conferences. You can make other connections through whoever your mentor is. All of that will be harder to do if you're working another job to pay for your degree.

I'm also going to tag @wafflelovingbatgirl as my archaeology counterpoint who went the Master's route.

But ultimately, neither of us can tell you what to do. This is a big decision, and it will shape your life, but it's also not necessarily make or break. The decision you go with should be what best sets you up for success. So sit with it for a while. For me, I went into the week feeling totally conflicted, but by the weekend a pretty clear choice had emerged.

Congratulations and best of luck!

-Reid

[tachycardic--tendencies]

Any update about the job stress? I’m going through something similar in terms of deciding between jobs in my field of IM. It’s crazy how glamorized medicine is to be this profession where everyone drives sports cars and take lavish vacations and send their kids to private school. I feel like my friends in non medical jobs (tech, finance) make as much/more without nearly the same responsibility. Making decisions about tech or stocks will never equate to making decisions about a person’s health…not to mention the emotionally taxing aspect of human interaction that goes way under appreciated, especially when you have multiple complicated, chronically ill patients, some who take out their frustration on you, or those who are truly the nicest but also at their lowest who you try to raise up and make feel better. Just basic appreciation with steady salary that’s not comparable to those who, despite definitely going through their own challenges and educational requirements, put in a lot less years in training and have different responsibilities all together. I completely empathize and hope you can find a promising solution. Keep us posted!

Hello!

It’s been a trip, and I totally agree with your statements. I also have a ton of building resentment towards healthcare as a whole because you see this trend of doctors being vilified on social media for things that the general public just doesn’t understand. I get they have no context to, but still.

I see 25 patients a day, 100 a week, 400 a month. If I see less, admin comes down on me. Impossible with the complexity of rheum patients so there’s just this chronic background fear and nausea that I could miss something. We all do because we’re human, but it doesn’t feel great.

It’s getting easier or I’m getting better, maybe? At the very least I’m adjusting. If I could do it again, I may have gone the midlevel route because you still make six figures and you can’t get sued (right now, anyway). Or I would have kicked something that at least paid more for this amount of work (probably why anesthesia match was such a bloodbath this year).

It’s not terrible, I guess? It’s more like..:could be better, could be worse and so I guess I’ll just stick with it.

[renee-writer]

April 15th Chapter Six

AO3 is down again. Will post the link once it is back up.

They find a young girl, a widow with a baby. She is hired to be a wet nurse for Fergus. Lambert moves her and her daughter into the motel where he gets rooms for himself and Claire. Jamie and John get rooms on the same floor. Geillis stays with Claire.

 

With Fergus happily taken Mary’s milk, they come together to discuss next steps.

 

“I understand that you wish to keep him, my dear. It is just my fear that you can’t. A single woman.”

 

“You are reading the law, Lords Fraser and Grey. Is he right?”

 

They look at each other and John nods to Jamie.

 

“I fear he is. Were you a relative of the child, it would be different but…”

 

“I will stand as a witness that his mum placed him in her care.”

 

“Mistress Duncan, it won’t matter. The law is strict. It believes children must have a mum and dad.” John replies.

 

“I have a solution. I will marry her.” Claire’s eyes jerk to him.

 

“What?”

 

“He needs a father, a name. I can give him that.” Jamie says.

 

“Lord Fraser, as much as I appreciate what you have done for my niece, the lad, and Mistress Duncan, I don’t know you.”

 

 

“Uncle Lamb, you thought you knew Frank. Lord Fraser has been a true gentleman.” Claire doesn’t know how she feels about him.  There is an attraction but it is hard to separate from the circumstances. She does know she wants to keep Fergus. If marriage is required, she can do worse. Frank proved that.

 

“That is enough for a life time commitment? I appreciate the offer Lord Fraser, truly. It is just…”

 

“Lots of marriage have started off with less then this. My own parents were introduced to each other on their wedding day. They have been married for thirty years now. My brother, sister, and myself prove it is a good one. I understand the commitment I am making. I have deep respect for your niece, sir. She has courage and that is no small thing.

 

I swear that she and the lad will be seen to. I have land, will have a good profession, and my family name is an honorable one.”

 

“Well, what do you say Claire? The church is already booked.”

 

“I say yes.”

 

Geillis smiles behind her hand. She, no dummy, knows the lad is in love with her. Just as she knows his mate is with him. She feels sorrow for Lord Grey, who is trying to put on a brave face. For Claire, she is happy. The marriage will be a good one. Much better then she would have had with Frank.

 

“Wonderful. We shall have the wedding in three weeks time. A bit of time to get to know each other.”

 

“Aye sir.”

 

“Call me Lamb, as we are to be family.”

 

“Thank you Lamb. You may call me Jamie.”

 

They shake hands and her care starts to be transferred from one man to the other. Claire is happy Fergus will be safe.

 

John smiles and pats his mate’s back. He is happy that he is happy, even as his own heart breaks.  Geillis gives him a sympathetic look.

[sensitive-virgo]

Oral Assistant Work Hours Demystified: Find Out How Many Hours Dental Assistants Typically Work

Title: Dental⁤ Assistant Work Hours Demystified: Find Out How Many Hours Dental Assistants Typically Work

Meta⁣ Title: ⁢Unlocking⁣ the Mystery of Dental ⁢Assistant Work ⁤Hours – A Comprehensive Guide

Meta⁣ Description: Wondering how ⁣many hours dental assistants work? This article breaks down the ⁣typical ⁤work hours of​ dental⁤ assistants to help you gain a better understanding of their schedules.

Introduction: Dental assistants play a crucial role in ensuring the smooth operation ‍of ⁣a dental office. From assisting dentists during procedures⁣ to sterilizing equipment​ and interacting​ with patients, they perform a wide range ⁤of tasks. However, many people ⁢are curious about the work hours of dental assistants –⁢ how ⁤long do they typically work each day? In this article, we will⁤ delve into the work ‍hours of dental assistants and provide valuable insights into their schedules.

Understanding Dental Assistant Work Hours: Dental assistants typically work full-time, although part-time‍ positions are also⁣ common. The number of hours ⁤worked by dental assistants ‌can vary depending on the dental office’s operating hours⁣ and the specific needs of the practice.​ Below are ‌some key points to consider when it‌ comes to dental assistant‌ work hours:

1. Full-Time vs. Part-Time: ​ – Full-time dental assistants usually work around 35-40 ⁤hours per week, Monday to ⁣Friday. – Part-time dental assistants ‌may​ work anywhere from a ⁤few‍ hours a day​ to ‌a few days a week, depending on ‌the ⁤practice’s⁤ needs.

2. ⁢Shift Work: ‌ – Some ​dental offices may offer evening ‌or weekend hours to ‍accommodate patients’ schedules, which could require ⁢dental assistants to work non-traditional hours. – Shift work may also be necessary​ for emergency‍ dental ⁢services or ⁤extended operating hours.

3. Overtime⁣ and Flexibility: – Dental assistants may be required to work overtime during busy periods or⁣ to cover for colleagues who are unable to ‌work. ​ – Flexibility⁣ in ⁤scheduling is ‌essential for dental assistants, as they may need to adjust ​their ‍hours ‌to meet the demands of the practice.

Benefits and Practical ⁢Tips​ for Dental Assistants: Working as ⁤a dental assistant ⁣can be a rewarding career choice, ‌offering job stability,⁣ competitive salaries, and opportunities for⁢ advancement. ​Here ‍are some benefits and practical ⁤tips⁤ for ​dental assistants:

– Competitive⁤ Salaries:⁣ Dental assistants earn ​competitive salaries, with⁣ the potential for bonuses and other ⁣incentives. – Job Stability: The demand for dental assistants is projected to grow,‍ providing ‌job security in ⁢a stable industry. -⁣ Career Advancement: Dental assistants can pursue further education​ and​ training‌ to become dental hygienists or expand their skills in specialized areas. – Time Management:​ Efficient time management is key‍ for‌ dental assistants to‍ balance their responsibilities⁣ and provide quality care ⁤to patients.

Case Studies: Let’s take ⁤a look at two dental assistants, Sarah and John, to⁣ see how⁤ their work hours differ based on ‌their practice’s needs:

– Sarah works full-time at a‌ busy dental office, Monday to Friday, from 8 am to 5 pm. – John is a part-time dental assistant who works ‌three days a week, from​ 9 am to⁣ 3 pm, to balance his job with family commitments.

Conclusion: dental assistants play‍ a‌ vital role in the dental office, working full-time ​or part-time hours based on the practice’s⁣ needs. Understanding the typical work hours of dental assistants can help‌ both aspiring dental professionals and patients gain insight into the ‌profession.⁤ By exploring the different aspects ⁤of dental assistant work hours, we can appreciate the dedication and hard work that dental⁤ assistants bring‌ to‌ their roles every ⁣day.

https://dentalassistantclasses.net/oral-assistant-work-hours-demystified-find-out-how-many-hours-dental-assistants-typically-work/

[nfenvs3000w23]

Unit 9: The Best Thing About Nature is the Natural Landscape itself!

Hi readers! I hope you've enjoyed my thoughts over the last few months as I've developed my skills as a nature interpreter. When thinking about this week's prompt, there are so many amazing things about nature, but as a landscape architecture student, it's no surprise that I find the best thing about nature is the landscape itself! The natural landscape is truly awe-inspiring in its grandeur and diversity. From towering mountains and deep canyons to vast oceans and sprawling deserts, nature offers us a never-ending array of stunning landscapes that can take our breath away.

During the first year of my undergrad, I was required to take a BLA class called "History of Cultural Form," where we explored the historical roots of landscape design, emphasizing the influence of past works on the current practice in the profession. This class taught me that the most minor details could be breathtakingly beautiful when looking at the complexity and diversity of the natural world. For example, one of the most enchanting landscapes I've come across is The Wave. The Wave is a sandstone rock formation in the Coyote Buttes North area of Arizona's Paria Canyon-Vermilion Cliffs Wilderness. Here are a few fun facts to mention:

The Wave is made up of Navajo sandstone, formed around 190 million years ago due to wind and water erosion during the Jurassic period

The colours of The Wave change depending on the time of day and the sun's angle. It can range from deep reds and oranges to shades of pink and white.

Access to The Wave is highly restricted, with only 60 people visiting daily. Permits are required and are obtained through a lottery system.

As a landscape architect in the making, I find that the Wave offers a unique and visually stunning terrain that presents an excellent opportunity to observe and appreciate the beauty and intricacy of nature. Natural landscapes are always in a state of flux, constantly reshaping themselves in response to the forces around them (Brits, 2020). The sandstone formations and wavy patterns offer interesting geometric shapes, and the ever-changing colours provide a wide range of tones and hues to study and draw inspiration. Additionally, one of the most amazing things about the natural landscape is how climate and secular influences can shape it! This week's readings discussed examples of nature studies and how we can build upon our current systems to help the next generation of interpreters (Beck et al.,2018). Connecting back to The Wave, interpretation can go beyond simple signage and plaques, as this landscape offers guided tours and hikes to allow people to immerse themselves in nature to have a more meaningful encounter with the natural world (Beck et al.,2018). However, more can be done to engage with tourists and younger audiences; for example, it can serve as an educational precedent due to geological processes and ever-changing rock formation. Also, Its natural patterns and textures can be used in the urban context for designers!

All in all, the natural landscapes of our planet offer us endless opportunities for adventure, discovery, and inspiration. Whether you have visited it or not, readers, I'm curious to know - which located around the world captures your fascination? I am interested in chatting about nature and hope to learn about everyone's favourite spaces and understand why they find them captivating :)

References:

Beck, L. Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage for a better world. Sagamore Publishing. 

Brits, L., The nature of flux. TOAST. (2020). Retrieved March 14, 2023, from https://ca.toa.st/blogs/magazine/the-nature-of-flux-by-louisa-thomsen-brits 

Coyote Buttes and the Wave. The Wave - Coyote Buttes North Permit and Hiking Information, Images, and Maps. (n.d.). Retrieved March 14, 2023, from https://www.thewave.info/ 

Photo References:

The Wave by Justin Reznick - Getty Images https://www.travelandleisure.com/attractions/landmarks-monuments/bureau-of-land-management-could-allow-more-visitors-at-the-wave-rock-formation

Classic Wave shot - Arizona Bucket List: The Wave, AZ Horseshoe Bend - https://horseshoebend.com/arizona-bucket-list-wave-az/

Tourists in The Wave - Dreamland Tours https://dreamlandtours.net/day-tours/paria-canyon-vermilion-cliffs/the-wave-tour/

[nyortor]

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[teacherintransition]

Would You Do It All Over?

You left the career path, but it’s still in your heart…

If you could start again…would you?

First off, I am past wondering if I did the right thing. Retiring at fifty four was right …I was tired of putting off projects I desperately wanted to pursue. After thirty years in public education, it was time; I had achievements of which I was incredibly proud and I know I had an impact on many students. From a practical standpoint, if I had remained on the job, my wife wouldn’t have been able to pursue the fantastic opportunity to become a travel nurse. No new cities, no new friends, no new confidence…just stay at a workplace being under appreciated and under paid. Things will usually work out the way they should…just don’t roll the dice with karma.

This kind of introspection and “what if” is expected when in life transition, no worries …no panic. It happens because you gave your heart and soul to a calling. I am a public school teacher …full stop! I’m just doing something else now, but it is who I am in my soul. Yes, I do miss my students every day; whether they are eighteen or are fifty, but we move on to bigger and better things. BUT, the question sneaks into your psyche, in the quiet moments when you least expect it, when your guard is down; “would you ever go back?”

Where the shiznit did that come from? What kind of game you playing you deep seeded,subconscious? Well, there it is…the question. I’m not the only one who asked themselves this question; I have five to six colleagues who went back to teaching after retiring. They have their reasons and are theirs alone. Since retiring in August of 2020, I have received seven unsolicited offers to return to the classroom, all of which I turned down. The reasons are my own, but hell, I write about my state of mind every week so there are likely no surprises.

I often get, “well, I reckon them kids got too wild!” Nope, I was able to stay current with the kids and my rapport was always excellent. This question follows, “I guess they made the job too hard to do what with testing and paperwork?” Pretty damn close, but I endured it if I was making headway with a kid. “Was it Covid?” It was a determining factor. The state of Texas had over promised and under delivered and lives were at risk. The proudest collective achievement of my profession is how we pulled off the largest educational rescue in history by adapting instruction to finish the year; and within two months the public was turning its back on us. Nothing new here, except I had thirty years in…three years more than needed to retire. It was time for me and my family.

Still the questions, oye vay… but can you still do it …if needed. Damn straight I could, I was never too burnt out for the job, BUT (there’s that big BUT) some terrible things have happened in the ensuing two years: book bans, litigation liability if a student or parent is offended by instruction, the non issue of CRT, increased scrutiny on daily lessons to make certain the teacher is teaching the “right thing,” loosening the professional requirements to become a teacher to get more manageable, less professional “teachers.” I can remember at no point in my life or professional career where educators were being treated as badly as the current practice of regarding us as unreliable, underhanded non-professionals; and believe me …there’s quite a history of such treatment. This shameful change has occurred in less than two years and is overtly political in its nature. I have strived to avoid political discussions in my articles so as to make time spent reading my thoughts as helpful and introspective; and I will speak no further than I have on that topic.

This is a place to look inward and to adjust to this life change; part of which deals with the questions one asks of themselves…this is just one of many. Would I go back? With the current state of affairs…NO. I achieved too much and worked too hard to allow myself and profession to be so disrespected. Now, if you take a philosophical tone to that question and asked, “if you were twenty two and were you just certified would you become a teacher within the present environment,” then there would be much to consider. I’ve been in retail, assembly line manufacturing, road construction, cabinet making, roofing… those would be things I could do as a twenty two year in 2020. Worthy though they are of consideration….they but deny the undeniable truth. I AM A TEACHER. (…and start 90’s hard rock …NOW, as I turn to walk toward the sunrise.)

[brainpower12]

SELECTING A PASSION AS PROFESSION – A BIG QUESTION

Today, out of multiple confusions before the students, this question remains always on top. There are instances where in spite of passion and the excellence, students bow to the pressure of parents and select a profession of their (parent’s) choice. The result is strained relationship, a bitter atmosphere in the family and average performance of the child.

We come across number of such cases around us in neighborhood and relations. This is matter to be dealt carefully.

Open diss with children is important here to understand as to how one has shortlisted a particular passion for taking up as profession, normally, when we meet or appreciate some successful person we get convinced mentally and decide to go ahead without going into the difficulties on way to achieve that goal and any encounter with the same diverts us to another goal.

Parents, on the other side have spent their life and know better about the prevailing circumstances, difficulties and demands of life and want their children to opt for a profession that gives them secured income with least risk involved.

The question still remains unanswered.

Today, times have changed, parent’s advice may be based on their experience about job market which existed 20 to 30 years back, today this is changing and changing very fast. Over these years many new promising professions have come up in the market which require really passionate people who can work beyond time frame of 9Am to 5Pm/5days week. And, the earning is beyond imagination, we need to explore it.

Knowledge of current and future Job market is a must if one wishes to pursue his passion.

Selecting one profession out of many choices that comes to one’s mind is a real call. First thing is to identify your strengths, analyzing your personality type is also important and above all, your financial requirements.

Many of the passions require you to hone yourself for years without much financial support and if you are financially not strong enough, it is better to find a job first for financial stability and then make advancements in your passion to develop it as second professional option. Many have lost their jobs during pandemic and developing your second profession based on your passion can prove to be a boon in difficult times.

[lululawrence]

Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

[binderclipdocs]

Interview w/ Breathless345 for Facebook - July 5, 2020

Interview by Boris Landa 

1. Can you tell me about yourself? It seems like you are keeping strict anonymity if you've asked to call you Breathless and not by some real name :) Are you Paul McCartney by himself? :) And why do you keep that anonymity? Anyway, I'll be glad to briefly get to know you as part of the interview. What's your profession and so on - cause not every day a person creates a 10+ hours long series.

Hello!  Yes, I prefer anonymity mainly because I don’t enjoy the spotlight, but also because I don’t wish to draw attention away from the work.

I have had a variety of work experience and was trained in filmmaking, specifically documentaries.

2. How did you come to the decision to make the "Lennon/McCartney" series? What brought you into it?

I heard an interview with Ron Howard in 2016 about his film “Eight Days a Week: the Touring Years” during which Howard explained that McCartney’s only request was to highlight the John/Paul relationship (particularly their closeness) and that Paul mentioned seeing a Lennon/McCartney fan video on YouTube.  That struck me for a number of reasons.  

First, it reinforced an idea I’ve held for awhile now: that the public perception of John and Paul’s relationship remains very distorted and that Paul McCartney alone cannot fix it.  It needs to be remedied by an independent third party.

Second, Paul’s mention of YouTube is what inspired me to create and publish my own documentaries.  Prior to hearing that interview, I had been trying to pitch film projects about John & Paul through the traditional routes.  But suddenly I realized I could just make a film about them myself, without anyone’s permission.  Because my series is unauthorized I don’t have to answer to studio execs and I can tell the whole story without being censored.  It’s total freedom, which I think is required to tell the story truthfully.

3. Can you tell me about the process of creating the series? How long did it take, how the research was conducted, and so on - your series is a huge testimonial to a creative dedication, an example of how a personal project of such caliber should be done - so it'll be very insightful to understand how it was constructed. 

Thanks very much!  

Because You Tube kept removing the films (for music usage), I was forced to re-edit them several times until I found out a workable loophole.

Initially I wanted a pure Cinéma vérité style, and was extremely wary of injecting any sort of narrative. I was much more interested in creating a sensory experience.  However, I had a friend who kindly reviewed all my (later) drafts and encouraged me to be more explicit, to give a bit more context and info to better tell John and Paul’s story.  So subsequent edits became less impressionistic and more like traditional documentaries, not to push any particular agenda but because the story needed structure.  My friend and I had long discussions about John and Paul, deciding what pieces of info to flag, trying to figure out the trajectory of their relationship.   Once I decided to make a real documentary series, the research came from a variety of sources.  A lot of information was compiled through the internet, particularly BeatlesBible, the Beatles Interview Database, and a Tumblr blog called Amoralto (all the Get Back audio, for instance, came from Amoralto’s site).  Of course I also have a hefty collection of bootleg audio and a huge library of Beatles books (Hunter Davies' was the most helpful, but I probably pulled information from 20 books or more).  After that came the time-consuming labor of reviewing and logging hours and hours of interviews and performance footage.

With this project I was obviously limited by the preexisting material; I couldn’t just write a script and fill in the blanks with narration or my own interviews.  I had to find a way to tell the story using only original images, quotes and music.  I actually appreciated those constraints because they forced me to think creatively.  I think one of the biggest strengths of the series is that it doesn’t rely on talking heads or peripheral people with competing agendas to tell the story.  The focus is always on John and Paul and their own experiences.  

Although I couldn’t do it 100% of the time, I also made an effort to stay “in the moment” as much as possible by using contemporaneous quotes and interviews.  That’s partially why the films have such an authentic feel.  They aren’t told in retrospect; we’re watching John and Paul experience the events as they happen rather than listening to them reflect back on them in hindsight.

4. What did you want most viewers to find out or understand when creating the "Lennon/McCartney" series? Was there any agenda or narrative you wanted to promote through the series? That people will come out of watching realizing that .......... Cause it seems to me, it was quite a balanced way of showing facts and pieces of evidence and you've left a lot of room for subjective insights. So it will be interesting to find out if you indeed had a certain agenda you've wanted to promote.

Mainly I wanted to show what a close and loving relationship the two had when they were together.  That’s really the foundation.  Once you understand that, you begin to demand a better explanation for their demise than the standard answers: they grew apart, John was “bored,” it was Yoko’s fault, etc.  

One difficulty is that people often want a simple explanation of Lennon/McCartney: Did they love each other or hate each other?  Were they friends or rivals?  But when you look at the totality of their partnership over the years (and even how it extends beyond death), you realize how reductive those questions actually are.  They were all those things: friends, rivals, creative partners, business partners, army buddies, spouses, soulmates.  None of those labels are mutually exclusive and they’ve used all of them at one point or another to describe their relationship.  That alone is a good indicator of how incredibly deep and complicated it was.

To understand Lennon/McCartney, I believe we have to accept a few things- that they deeply loved and respected each other, both enhanced the other’s work, and that they mutually desired each others’ approval and affection.  I’ve read several books that either imply or flatly proclaim that McCartney loved Lennon but that Lennon was basically indifferent to McCartney.  My research revealed something much, much different and I think that is shown in each film, at pretty much every turn.

5. What is the most surprising/unbelievable or unknown insight you PERSONALLY made out of the series? Something that struck you that most about their relationship?

Their musical dialogue was fascinating to trace, and although I loved every bit of it, I sometimes felt like Paul and John were having different conversations.  That was heartbreaking.  

Before I made the series, I tended to empathize more with Paul, largely because he has been alive for the past 40 years.  For fans like me who didn’t experience John’s death in real time, we’ve experienced it mainly through Paul which adds a visceral layer of loss to Paul’s role. But this also tends to distort things because it magnifies his suffering.  

When I researched their story, however, I started to see things from John’s POV and the story became more of his emotional journey: falling for Paul, pursuing Paul, negotiating with Paul, trying to get Paul’s attention, pushing Paul away, slandering Paul; becoming smitten,  jealous, angry, obsessed.  It became easier to empathize with John’s hurt, outrage and longing.  

We all know John’s feelings for Paul could be bitter and complicated (especially in the later years) but personally I was struck by how idealistic and pure they could be too.  And the deeper I dug, the more transparent John seemed.

McCartney on the other hand, became more of an enigma.  Making this series actually increased my curiosity and fascination for Paul (which could be partially why I made a whole additional documentary series about him).

6. So what is your personal opinion, as the series creator and someone who dug deep on research, about Lennon/McCartney relationship? Was it just a deep and platonic love story? Was Lennon a bi-sexual that could never fulfill his romantic love for Paul? Something else?

Maybe all of the above?  Maybe none of those.

Sometimes it seems patently obvious that John fell in love with Paul and that the fallout of this realization is what set their break-up in motion.  The details are where things always get murky.  Did Paul know how John felt?  If so, did he say or do something to shut John down?  Did something bad happen or was it all below the surface?  I never have a clear sense of any of that.

We can’t assign a label to John’s sexuality; only he can do that and at the risk of sounding cliche, I’m not really hung up on those kind of definitions.  Whether John was straight, bisexual, bicurious or whatever… I think it was his overwhelming love for Paul that drove his (occasionally out of control) behavior.

7. When creating a series of that kind - when quotes and different real events and facts appear on the screen and they create a sort of full story - there is also a significance that given to what left out of series. So how did you decide what to left out?  Eventually what's left out affects the series narrative no less than what is included…

Some quotes/events were omitted due to time, others were left out because they were repetitive.  When you’re making a movie, you  have to cut scenes or segments (even ones you might love) if they don’t move the story forward.  I was lucky in that some things I skipped in the linear story I was able to circle back to in later episodes. Some things, like the details of 1969-70 before the official break-up, were just too messy to untangle in this particular series.  I had to focus on things that specifically shed light on their relationship, which meant other details (like their legal/financial battles) sometimes got sidelined.

Like everyone, I had some preconceived ideas about their relationship before I made this, but I was very mindful to let the research dictate the narrative instead of vice verse.  Having a documentary background was helpful in this regard; sometimes the story went places I didn’t expect.  But I was adamant about letting John and Paul tell the story themselves.  

I think the trick, when two people split up, is to listen to both accounts and find the common ground.  What are the consistent themes? problem areas? recurring issues?  What do both parties agree were their strengths and weaknesses?  We have only John's and Paul's accounts with which to faithfully construct this story because no one besides them knows the true nature of their relationship.  So I tried to highlight and emphasize the themes that kept recurring in my research:  John’s hurt, disappointment, frustration and longing.  Paul’s sadness, regret, compassion and desire to reconcile.

8. What connects you personally to the Beatles story? Are you just a fan, or is it something more thorough?

I am a fan, of course.  Loved the Beatles music (and John and Paul’s solo as well) from adolescence and was drawn to their personalities as well.  But I always suspected there was more to the saga of John & Paul than the official story suggested.

I always assumed someone would conduct a proper examination of their relationship but since no one ever did, I stepped up and tried.

9. A bit of cliche, but, are you a Lennonist or McCartnist? :) and why?

Well, I guess I wouldn’t use either of those terms.  They were both uniquely talented.  Some qualities I admire about both:

PAUL:  eclectic, experimental, visionary, expansive, inclusive, fearless, restless, prolific, spirited, soulful, authentic, determined, full of life and light.  Definitely marches to his own drum!  I admire his approach to art, his faith in humanity, his kindness, his strength. JOHN: tender, raw, philosophical, contemplative, inspirational, lovable, emotional, vulnerable, witty, extraordinarily charming.  A true romantic and gifted storyteller.  I admire his ability to self-reflect, his desire to grow, his ability and willingness to “put himself out there.”

10. Didn't you think that George and Ringo should get more presence in the series? Of course in a relation to their observation of John & Paul connection.

Not really.  The Beatles were notoriously close-knit and Ringo and George never commented much about them publicly.  Whatever they did say that was insightful, I included.  

But this isn’t about the Beatles; it’s about John & Paul’s relationship.  If I made a film about the Beatles it would be radically different.

11. Can you tell a bit about "McCartney" series? What was the reason and personal incentive for that series   Well, I’ve wanted to make a film about Paul for a long time. I wanted to both know him better and share that information with the world.  The only way to really do that was to share insights from people who have actually collaborated with him, and to showcase his music in a way I hoped was illuminating.  I was overwhelmed by his music, of course, but also by how dearly loved and respected he is by virtually everyone in his life.

It was also important for me to show how Paul’s image and reputation has been shaped over the years by outside forces.  His critical standing is obviously much better nowadays, but I still think he is under-appreciated in many ways.  I honestly think it is difficult for most of us to truly comprehend how incredibly special he is.

12. Any future plans for similar projects (as a teaser to anticipation...)

Nothing that I can talk about yet.  

13. OK, final question: Did Paul or any other Paul/John related person see the series? Do you somehow trying to make Paul aware of the series?

I'm not aware that Paul (or any of his people) have seen it, but I REALLY hope he has! ---

Understanding Lennon/McCartney volumes 1-5 are currently streaming on YouTube.

[twstheadcanons]

Any hcs for pomefiore, like how its students interact socially. Or hcs on the etiquette lessons?

this is long

·         I stand by what I said about Savanaclaw – Night Raven College has a bunch of stupid high school boys in its student body.  Being in Pomefiore does not erase your dumb high school energy.  It is just redirected.  As the oldest dorm, Pomefiore has some antiquated decour, and its own pride in maintaining them, including its gratuitous amount of candles strewn about.  Are the candlelit flames real?  Yes.  Can students touch them and light them themselves? Absolutely not.  They’re enchanted to light up and extinguish on their own. Vil’s seen firsthand how hotheaded and confrontational Pomefiore students can be.  He finds enchanted candles reasonable.  

·         There’s a garden in the back of the dorm building.  As the dorm known for its prowess in poisons and potions, it’s important for Pomefiore students to be able to identify specific types of flora commonly used in formulas, alongside their potential benefits and dangers.

·         Gardening can be grueling, especially when dealing with tricky, difficult flora. Vil has extensive instructions under his belt when it comes to making sure all students do their part (there is no avoiding gardening duty).  As such, alongside gardening itself, he’s put a lot of time and effort researching and specialising methods to minimise/mitigate the amount of mess and physical involved – and that’s without cutting corners.  Every new year brings in new students with their own personal strengths, so he has to make sure no stone goes unturned.

·         That said, absolutely no one shares gardening gloves.  Crowley is crying at the expenses of just damn gardening gloves but Vil is Not going to budge.

·         Of course, the apple trees are ones Pomefiore plants as well.  It’s their signature after all.  Rook hawk eyes both the trees’ growth and makes sure no one’s snagging them beforehand.  Ever since Epel enrolled, he’s lowkey more instructive of the process whenever Vil’s not around.  He’s also got his own shortcuts and tricks for general gardening.  Having a more hands-on approach since birth, it comes naturally to him.

·         Like, no offence, but the Pomefiore apples are not as good as the ones the Felmiers grow.

·         Epel is constantly on the verge of going apeshit when something he KNOWS he’s good at and knows his shit about is getting nitpicked, so for Vil’s safety I am making the executive decision that Vil’s noticed Epel sometimes taking charge in helping other students and just lets Epel do his own thing when it comes to helping out with Pomefiore’s plants and apples.

·         Honestly, having the two different approaches work in Pomefiore’s favour.  Some students need/want more structure and guidance, making Vil a better option.  Others benefit from Epel’s self-assured, informal approach since it makes it seem less daunting for beginners.

·         Rook likes to indulge himself when it comes to apples.  By that I mean he likes to ‘help’ students ‘slice’ their apples by doing the classic arrow-through-the-apple thing.  A lot of students think it’s actually pretty awesome.  

·         Right up until Rook asks for a volunteer to have the apple on their head.

·         The science club actually has its fair share of Pomefiore students apart from Rook.  Some are simply following the example of a generally respected vice-leader, whilst other took it for their own interests.

·         The same goes for film appreciation.   While small and mostly Pomefiore students under Vil’s lead, it’s a close circle of students working together.

·         The ballroom, like gardening, requires its own care and maintenance.  Keeping floors, windows, and mirrors clean.  This actually goes for the entire dorm, but the ballroom hosts a lot of Pomefiore’s recreational and group events (makes for a good place for film appreciation rehearsals).

·         Another reason it’s important to keep the dorm itself clean overall: absolutely no one wants perfume and cologne just lingering in furniture.  That is not the life anyone wants.  Ever.

·         This is something Rook’s especially quick to get on others’ cases about (in his own Rook Hunt way that is).  He’s a hunter, so he doesn’t want to risk even the most wonderful of scents blowing his cover.

·         Speaking of Rook, if you’re familiar with French in Pomefiore, but don’t use it often.  You Do Now for the sake of your fellow dormmates that want to know what the hell Rook is saying.

·         Students in Pomefiore tend to grow up into more hands-on careers.  Of course, there’s the ones in professions like show business, fashion, and cosmetology, but other common careers they gravitate to are generally science or fine arts related.

·         If you know what’s good for you, and you’re interested in fashion, start learning about the ethical issues and dangers of fast fashion ASAP.  As someone surrounded by aesthetics and designs, Vil knows his shit and idealistic views that overlook the shady business practises of even big-name groups get under his skin fast.  In general, as passionate as he is in his line of work, Vil’s still disillusioned to the glitz and glamour of it, which is why he takes such an aggressive stance on his own management.

·         Since first years share four students in one dorm room, Epel’s roommates will never escape the apple smell.  It’s gone from charming, to a bit sickening, to being plain desentisised to the scent. While all three are kind of over having an apple or apple juice every time Epel’s family sends them, they’ll happily accept them from time to time.  The apple juice especially is popular since it makes for a refreshing change from water.

·         Makeup brand debates.  They’re a thing.  Vil mostly thinks they’re dumb on a surface level since people just gravitate to what works for them and is within their budget but if you ask he’s got dirt on which brands have the worst practises that don’t need Anyone’s money.

·         Considering his ‘villain’ typecasting the guy has no fear using his platform to be outspoken on those types of issues which is why a lot of Pomefiore students end up actually respecting him outside his acting and modeling career.

·         For the record, it’s not like Epel’s the only student from a rural background in Pomefiore. There are plenty of others, it’s just that they didn’t literally get into a fight with a dorm leader during the opening ceremony.

·         The way he acts with Epel early on, however, does leave a rather unflattering impression on said rural students.  Epel doesn’t really keep his background a secret, so it’s easy to hear Vil scold Epel’s informal, direct way of speaking as him disliking the actual accents a country person may have.  So like. Vil’s gotta work on clearing that up with them, lol.

·         This is a “Vil’s done a good number of things wrong” zone regardless of his background and actual intent and also a “Pomefiore isn’t only about beauty but considering the way its students act and speak in general Uhhhhh” so as focused as Vil is on image and Pomefiore on seeming ‘proper’ I am Forcing him to reevaluate his approach to educating less experienced students on westernised and Eurocentric etiquette expectations.   You’re going to have students with staunchly different mannerisms and ideas of etiquette that do not affect their work ethic whatsoever sweetie.  

·         In a similar vein, older Pomefiore students that happen to be beastfolk (I’d like to imagine the Mirror of Darkness doesn’t magically toss Savanaclaw into some unholy ‘this is the beastfolk ghetto’ hell.  Do not burst my bubble I won’t listen) usually end up being tightknit with first years.  Honestly how else are first-years going to survive Rook Hunt being their vice-leader.

Vil also takes his own measures to minimise how up in their business Rook gets with Pomefiore’s own beastfolk.  

Being a detail-oriented dorm, Pomefiore has the most amount of students experienced in hands-on work and crafts.  If the individual students get along, Savanaclaw and Pomefiore students can get a lot done when they put their minds to it.

“Absolutely Beautiful” blasting from the ballroom at 5am so the less morning-inclined can wake up properly for the next three weeks.

·         Look Vil and Rook have particularly polarising personalities you cannot expect the entire dorm to worship them nor their way of doing things.

·         Master Chef, although a small elective, also has its fair share of Pomefiore students.  Something about a practical skills class appeals to them, and it actually makes for relaxing classwork.  

·         First dorm that sorts out people’s allergies.  If you think it’s excessive Pomefiore has forms prepared for new students to fill out regarding any extenuating circumstances and conditions think again. No health accidents happening in this dorm.

·         Mentions of students struggling tend to result in other students helping each other out. Study groups are pretty encouraged within the dorm if it works out for the people involved.  The lounge aside, the ballroom’s surprisingly popular for study groups when it’s not in-use for anything else.