#but im not in that county bc i work in a different county

[metaphysicae]

what is it with my beloved and respected mutuals and the most unhinged takes as of late

[your-jellyfish-senpai]

Losing my mind a little this week it's fine

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

so when we fill out death certificates in my state, i have to ask if the address listed is in city limits

not being from this state, i struggle with small towns and counties, but i REALLY struggle to understand city limit lines too.

so i ask the family, and they get snarky and tell me "our zip code is the same as yours so you tell me?" and i explain i am not from here so i dont understand city limits well.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me why this then prompted a "THIS IS AMERICA LEARN AMERICAN YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW AMERICA WORKS AND LEARN THE RIGHT WAY TO BE" rant bc the person also for some reason thought i meant i was mexican.

first of all, your blatant racism and xenophobia is absolutely astounding. second of all....i meant im from a different state. not country.

[the-kr8tor]

Tw‼️: slight mention of offing at the end of this

Im thinking of romeo and juilet, Shakespeare called them star crossed lovers. In which romeo and juilet were alighed to be doomed by fate hence it refers to destiny and the inevitability of the two characters paths crossing. It usually but not always refers to unlucky outcomes, since romeo and juilet’s affair ended tragically. Further, it connotes that the lovers entered into their union without sufficient forethought or preparation; that the lovers may not have had adequate knowledge of each other or that they were not thinking rationally.

It makes me think of your stories or some of them. Or just the word star crossed lovers. Like all of your stories! And in scared that in BDAS, its gonna end and its gonna be sad and fit more on TF side of things and where they were always doomed from the beginning to lose each other. Ill cry ill be bawling. But ACTUALLY romeo and juilet fit for hobie and reader in bdas rn. Especially due to one thing theirs a line/quote that says “I think its best you married the County. O’, he’s a lovely gentleman. Romeos a disclout to him.” (I memorized that line) AND IT ACTUALLY FITS SO MUCH RN IN CHAPTER 14!!

KATY ARE YOU USING SHAKESPEARE REFERENCES IS HOBIE GONNA FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE AND BY THE TIME HE GETS THEIR READER ACTS DEAD SO HE OFFS HIMSELF AND THEN RESDERS ACTUALLY ALIVE AND THEN OFFS HERSELF TO BE WITH HIM. OR WILL IR BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND LIKE HOW ROMEO AND JUILET ARE?!?

Star-crossed lovers are a really good way to describe them! Especially tf hobie and reader

That quote from shakespeare correlating to bdas is a coincidence but a very good one! It def fits 14

You got me 😶 I sometimes take inspiration from classical works like the odyssey for bdas! (And also from different folklores) And some I shall shut up abt bc I might accidentally spoil you 😉

[crushedsweets]

in your au, what kinds of people do the different pastas target?

HIIII ok omg im literally working on my little website w all the info rn so i love this ask..

operator targets vulnerable people he can use 2 get out of the forest

slenderman targets whoever the operator took control of so he can """save""" them (moreso redirect them..) tim, brian, toby, and kate focus purely on keeping cryptids within the forest + humans out of it. tim brian and toby will also seek out people in nearby cities/counties who are way too into the paranormal and will stalk them, scare them off, steal their evidence, etc. they only kill people if necessary (but toby and kate are guilty of getting carried away when its totally not necessary) natalie started by treating it as a form of 'therapy' and related it back to her childhood abuse, so prob wealthier abusive men/older boys.. but she's kinda having like a terrifying revelation of how fucked up she's making her life so .

jack doesn't kill (he takes what jeff and others bring him) BUT if they're not bringing him anything for a long time, he'd target grown/tall adults cuz. more meat.. bigger organs.. lasts longer. some weird logic (and he feels less guilty if theyre like middle age)

sally doesnt desire and isnt capable of killing, but she will sometimes haunt houses with newborn babies . jus cuz she likes babies and thinks shes protecting them even tho it scares the living shit out of the families

ben also doesn't kill but he HAUNTS THE FUUUCK out of people. usually kids/teens cuz its funnier that way and nobody believes them. he's literally just an internet troll jeff targets women and girls mostly.. he just thinks theyre more fun to chase plus ''''objectively easier to kill'''' and he isn't exactly the epitome of health and strength liu(+sully) jane and nina don't and haven't killed anybody. liu is trying to repress, sully is trying to get shit figured out, jane wants jeff in prison, and nina is just chronically online and got caught stalking liu so she got roped into their problems + eventually the operator

there's other characters i wanna put in like helen and dina and ann and whatever bc i feel like natalies really out of place in this story so i think more like her balance it out, but i don't want to clutter it too much so yk..

[mariacallous]

Ugh this probably says more abt me and my circles than anything else but like. Its legitimately mood-alteringly disappointing rn trying to talk to or deal w other people. It doesnt matter what issue we're talking abt - democracy at home or abroad, international conflicts, climate change, poverty, capitalism - all anyone wants to do is agree abt how shit it all is and then like hope or root for the end of the world somehow and then like wow look how smart and "real" we're being it cant go on like this etc etc like SHUT UPPPPPP!!!!!! People would really rather just HOPE for things to get immeasurably worse bc they dont want to do the work to think abt solutions or even the fact that there ARE things within our power to improve is somehow idk annoying to hear abt?? I guess??? Every time i try to point it out they act like im naiive or childish somehow, they dismiss me showing up to abortion protests as doing nothing AND when i canvass for county level protections as nothing???? If i bring up water catchment systems as a solution to water insecurity in our area (arizona....lol) "itll never work" "zoning boards would never do anything" its like. I feel so stunted like im TIRED of listening to people give up like this, and i hate being dismissed for pointing out real solutions!!! Actually getting 50 people excited about city elections IS more impactful than posting through it!!!!!!!!!!! Idk how IM the dumb one here it feels lonely and isolating rn tbh anyway thank U for being one of the ppl i consistently follow who doesnt just give into sensationalism and exhausting knee-jerk reactions etc

I mean, on one level they’re right - these things WON’T happen, at least not if anyone doesn’t do anything. So it becomes a self-fulfilling masturbatory prophecy.

It’s also easier to ignore all the examples of when people showing up does work - when the right candidates get elected and now the right policies and laws can be passed. The right people speak up at the right meetings and the organization makes different, better choices.

The problem is that life isn’t a movie where we can move through a montage of the scenes and work to get to those moments. You have to live and work, and also recognize that success is not guaranteed. Sometimes the other side is better organized, better funded, better positioned. But you keep fighting and working. You look at what’s not helping or benefiting and make changes. You identify the new allies to complement the ones already there. Reach out to the inactive and under approached.

There is so much we can individually do that adds up on a larger scale.

[maiverie]

Hahaha… heyyy…

Long time no talk maiverie 😜‼️ I totally like didn’t disappear off of the Earth of Tumblr… or did I.?? 😳😳 I REALLY REALLY MOST DESPERATELY hope that you’re doing well bffl!! I WILL ALWAYS RESPOND TO YOU FROM NOW ON UNTIL I FEEL LIKE ITS TIME FOR ME TO JUMP INTO MY DARK HABIT OF GHOSTING TUMBLR 😚🫶 BIG NEWS. I’m ngl… but I’m kind of leaning towards Heeseung bias.. BUT. Jake will always be ma numba 1 hyperpuppy boy ☝️I KNOW.. WHO THE HELL AM I?1!?1 I DONT EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE T-T ! MY WHOLE BLOG IS DEDICATED TO THAT MANS‼️

ANYWAYS DID YOU HEAR BOUT THAT P1HARMONY CONCERT?1!1? AND REX ORANGE COUNTY AND LAUV TOO?1!1? THERE ARE SO FUCKING MANYPEOPLE TOURING AUSTRALIA ITS SOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLE !!! I LITERALLY BARELY LISTEN TO THEM BUT I WANNA GO SOOOOO BAD 😫😫 but like what the hell I dont get paid enough to even afford those tickets 😟

I have no excuse to run away from you anymore. I hope you didn’t feel lonely :( ENOUGH OF DAT GLOOMY SHIT!! IM SO GLAD YOU HAVE SO MANY MOOTS NOW!! YOUVE GROWN SO MUCH ON THIS PLATFORM AND IM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF YOU T-T I will now be off to go read your works until like 3am and shed tears (+repost, like, let the whole world know and shed some more tears) I LOVE YOU LOADS MAIVERIE!! 🤍 ALSOOO HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY??? IK IM LIKE 5 MONTHS LATE BUT ITS WHATEVER… MUCH LOVE 🥰

- from dat bitch that always dips

SHUT THE FUCK UP SELENA YOURE HEEEREEEE???? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 im actually gna kms i missed u a lil too much i’m gna cry 😭😭😭😭😭😭

KSJEKSJWLWIJDAKADKA i didn’t actually expect a reply CMONNNN it’s been months ☹️💖 (i ghosted tumblr too for a few months but it’s okay we both have our faults and we’re still perfect amazing sexy ppl 🫂) ALSO SHUT UPPPP THAT IS THE BIGGEST NEWS EVER IAKEKWLFJLSS IM CRYYINGGGF idk if u rmb but i used to be jay biased 😭 you 🤝 me 🤝 succumbing to heeseung BUT PSLSSS HELPP IM SO EXCITED FOR U (i can finally call u my fave heetual 😽) SO WHAT CHANGED UR MIND ?? WAS BITE ME THE FINAL STRAW ?? 🤭

OH MY GOD I DIDDD 😭😭😭😭 i’m literally confused bc at first it was that NOBODY was coming to aus and suddenly everybody and their dog wants to come 😭 also niki is coming?? taylor swift?? CHARLIE PUTH??? like hold upppp 😭😭

🥹🥹 NO BC SHUT UP WHY DID UR LASK GEN MAKE ME WANNA KMS IN A HAPPY SAD WAY IM 😭😭😭 NOOOOO BC U ARE MY DAY 1 😭💖🫵 I LOVE U SM WTH this acc has definitely grown a lot since the beginning but it makes me so proud and happy that you were a part of that 😭 nothing makes me happier than interacting w u so tysm for popping in ☹️💗 also it literally is so late GO TO SLEEP you’re like an hr ahead of me which means it’s 3:30???!!!!!$&”&:&;” btw as i was typing this i saw ur rb on bite by bite STOPP WHY ARE U READING IT GO AWAY 😭😭 naur cos it’s so different from my usual writing style BUT PLS IM GLAD IT WAS OKAY 😭💖💖💖💞

anyway i miss u i love u HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY thank you for stopping by MWAH MWAH MWAH appreciate u loads 😽😽 hope u are keeping warm for winter && work + uni are going well 😵‍💫 vvvv exciting news that u r now heeseung biased I CANT BE MORE PROUD 🤭😈 love u long long long time my fave KEEP SAFE PLEASE EAT WELL STAY HEALTHY BE HAPPY && AND I WILL BE HAPPY 💕💞💓💗💝💘💖

[morguemaw]

Talk about or show off something you've desperately been wanting to chat about your ocs!

Some sort of character change? A detail about the world you haven't had the chance to talk about? Anything? Everything!

I LOVE YOU OH MYGOHD IM GONNA HAFTA SAVE THE CHARACTER STUFF BC THIS IS ALL ABT WORLD STUFF!!!!

I wanna tell u guys abt some projects!! Alot are scrapped but i figured its still fun to tell the plot :D ( Hint, i figured out a good issue-fixer all the way at the bottom )

OKOKOKokokok so like !! My favorite things r normally world-building, world-designing, character plotting and so much more

My current dream is to create a project or two that i can keep up with: think One Punch Man, a manga series that literally started off as something personal and silly that slowly grew in popularity!

I currently have a few projects i would love to talk about! Alot are scrapped, on hold, or still being developed

It Gets Worse: Originally about Gutsy's lore, the comic would basically start by introducing how Gutsy died and became what he was, which was becoming a type of demon in a Limbo world. The entire plot is all about redemption and accepting the fact he cant go back and be better and needs to move on, but along the way he needs to correct wrongs since the world is also sprinkled with people he needs to make up with, such as his brother Killcode. This story was scrapped since it changed alot since atm im unsure if i want Gutsy to have lore. I used to do the " theres OC Gutsy then Sona Gutsy " but if i did that for him i would do that for pretty much everyone i consider a "Sona"

Creation Damnation: A world where it just expanded on characters backstories and profiles pretty much! The few main characters involved would be Gutsy, Rot, and other ocs like Angie, this story is currently scrapped too Un-named Hero World: A world where Endo and a old fursona Cinder would be placed: Loosely inspired off cliche hero shows/manga/anime/cartoons. But with this world very few are born with a power, those born with ones often get sent to a school called CTC ( Champion Training Course, Champions are what the heros are called ) and are trained to use these powers for good. It would ofc have cliche villains and stuff and its kinda on hold since i still need to work on tweaks and theres still a daunting issue ( see all the way down )

Project Cloud Nine: Was a world that involved Sugerhigh, Spiggy, and Wish. Sugerhigh is a cryptic hunter / old magic user, and Wish is the cryptic he is hunting. Spiggy is just a victim in all of this and is dragged along

Black-Water : the newest project im thinking of doing, as of rn the idea is Black-Water takes place in... Well Black Water County, a town that is festering with witch-craft and magic users. It would focus on a few characters, a main one being named Zorra, a social media influencer who left the town but rumors go around of something terrible coming

Currently im wanting to combine most into a story: Black-Water and PCN can mesh together flawlessly because Sugerhigh is connected to Zorra because both were born and raised there

Creation Damnation and It Gets Worse can be combined too since its roughly the same in the sense of how i would project it: Characters going through shit and showing how they change and grow The Hero World is the only one im not too focused on since its mostly a placeholder world for Endo, but i did also draw him, Cinder, Spiggy, Wish, and i believe Sugerhigh in a comic cover for It Gets Worse...

If you couldnt tell, my main issue with projects is i make alot but tend to repeat using characters, which can easily be fixed by scrapping or mixing certain worlds together! Ik for sure It Gets Worse will mostly be re-used title wise, and a current fix i have in mind is that It Gets Worse is the title of the series, while everything else are chapters....

Which.... Honestly i love the idea of that..... Mixing in all the stories that end up clashing into one only separated from different POV's... Huh.....

[henriiiii-1001old]

can you talk abt the alt swap au :3 ?

ooooohohoho alt swap au </////3

here's my first post talking abt it just for reference :3

most of this that im gonna talk abt is from discord and it just gonna be a bunch of different stuff so cut me some slack xddd

and this is. a lot more than i thought so uuhhh enjoy another masterpost??? kinda??? CFVGBHNJ

"cain can travel through tvs and mabel can travel through mirrors, but cain cant travel through mirrors and mabel cant travel through tvs (at least on their own).

seth can travel through both, but they didnt know that until uh. until adam told him"

"i have an idea to how the end of vol 1 in this au would go so cain has been locked in his room for 3 days by this point, and basically the "uh oh, bad decision!" part would turn into more of a "cain killed abel" situation. the alt outside cain's door would mock cain and fake his sister's death to maybe make him succumb to M.A.D. finally, and it almost worked.

until mabel came in and dragged cain out of the house...

...based in the message i replied to," (which are the lil blurbs i pasted above lmao), "i think that when mabel was trying to help cain escape, she realized she also just trapped herself in cain’s room. but then cain realized somehow that he can travel through tvs. he took mabel’s hand, took them to trust him, and they went through. they end up in the static world and theyre like “tf is this” they do end up getting out though, and after they figure out where they were, they go back to mandela, grab seth, and fucking leave

also here's some toonbriel lore! bc hell yeah he deserves to be in this au B)))

"and he actually takes the place of dave in the au. i originally didnt have a technical spot for him and decided that putting toonbriel there would be cool.

his name is terry o'brien but he goes by "toony" around family bc he was super obsessed with cartoons when he was younger, whether it be on tv, comic books, etc

he's a pastor at st. gabriel's and is lt gabe's younger twin brother and theyve been two peas in a pod since they were super young. they did end up fighting on their different methods of trying to help the county, and terry argues that while gabe is literally doing nothing, terry has been giving people hope and shelter and food and so many things. this ends up causing them to split, and terry goes to dave for advice. turns out, dave has been using him as his prophet and ends up killing him because he's no longer of use to dave.

im still working out the details of how he helped dave tho, but gabe is devastated after losing terry. he was already stressed enough and was basically blamed for sgt maria's death (she's preacher who took ruth's place) back at the murray house, and losing one of the only things he lived for was heartbreaking. finding seth dealing with the horrors^tm helped a little bit bc he's actually helping someone he tried protecting in the past...

...im thinking gabe was the more protective one of the two as well as the more sociable twin. terry was super clingy and liked sticking around gabe bc he was the only person he knew.

not a childhood story, but i do imagine that gabe does know dave, and they probably met through terry! not sure abt how terry and dave met just yet, but gabe doesnt actually like dave all that much.

gabe immediately knew who to suspect when terry died, and the fact that he heard his voice after said death only made him more sure"

some lilith and seth lore

"lilith and seth were both troubled kids in school and they just. fought so much. and lilith had to deal with shitbag dave at mandelatech and was even forced to stay working for him once he revealed to her and he led the alternates. she has a LOT of pent up anger and just needs to get it out.

like i imagine that one time after seth found out he was an alt, he called lilith over for a fight, and she'd been itching for one since dave killed terry. she literally beat him to a pulp during that fight, but she stopped once she saw him look up at her. he looked hopeless and his eyes looked somewhat glazed over. he took slow, deep breaths even after he got the wind knocked out of him several times.

lilith new something was wrong. she ended up helping him recover and even asked what was wrong. he didnt really reveal the whole alt thing, but he mentioned having holes in his identity and how its been beating him up, especially since someone claiming to be his father wants to suddenly come (back) into his life.

since then, theyve worked towards trying to support each other and just trying to maybe be friends {:)"

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE IVE NEVER MENTIONED THIS!!!!!

yknow how in unholy gift sarah and tiffany are kinda rivals?? like tiffany likes to fuck w sarah bc she's bored? and she's usually v snarky and cocky?

lilith and eve are the exact same way except tat eve is like GENUINELY malicious and very manipulative. she takes advantage of lilith's dislike of mandelatech to make her do a bunch of shit for the alts, and it's asically a big old scheme to use lilith to advance the alts' plans.

i also think that thatcher is the one who told davis to go back and get seth. davis did go to cain and mabel first though, and they were VERY rightfully pissed. but they did eventually get seth and shit. seth was super avoidant of everyone after the whole thing though {:(

[localvoidcat]

entire fantasy au plot so far

i dont know what im doing with my life anymore but here's the story under the cut

so we've got mark. he's a guard/ranger that protects his town, he lives with his adopted sister sarah (doesn't know his family. yet :]) and he just makes sure everything is fine. he's friends with cesar who's some vampire guy living in an abandoned castle mark hangs out over there it's nice

anyways mark gets sent out to find these two bandits that have been causing trouble in the area, but their base is in a treehouse with a ladder. which is definitely because mark is a centaur and can't climb. so he enlists the help of cesar, who manages to talk to the bandits, but they refuse to come down (until threatened. at which point they do)

these bandits, adam and jonah, are thrown in jail but adam, who's this fuckin fish guy is like heyyy. let us out of here and we'll help you with your curse thing. for context mark's constantly being tormented by demons. like thats just always been a thing for him and he doesnt tell people. but he decides that he doesnt have many other options if he wants to get rid of it, so he breaks adam and jonah out of the jail and they strike up a deal that he wont turn them in if they help him break his curse thing.

well the only problem is that they have no clue how to. they're both bandits that don't know anything about magic so they just keep having to pretend that they do. constantly taking the other members of the crime quintet (mark, cesar, sarah, adam, and jonah) to random places, getting in trouble with high wizards, you know how it is. they realize that they have to actually find a way to fix things otherwise mark's gonna catch onto them.

meanwhile, over in mandelidon kingdom (the counties are different kingdoms in this au. bc they can be) we've got the mandelidon kingdom guard service (mkgs) and they're just this au's version of the mcpd. thatcher, dave, ruth, and evelin all work as guards.

one night thatcher gets sent out to investigate some missing persons in the woods, and when he goes out there she ends up getting attacked by a werewolf. it leaves but ae ended up getting bitten, so he manages to get back to the town and just collapses. doesn't tell anyone about the attack, mostly because he knows that something is absolutely wrong. and there IS something wrong because a couple days later she turns into a werewolf and ends up killing a couple townspeople in the process. people dont know that ae did it, and he isnt about to tell people that it was aer, so she keeps it a secret.

which is difficult because. you physically change in appearance after becoming a werewolf but she attempts to hide it. anyways he is constantly in this cycle of killing townspeople and then having to investigate the murders. while pretending to be a completely normal guard. he gets some relief from this when reports of a group of bandits in the town come in, and she goes to hunt them down, with ruth coming along

this group is the crime quintet, and they're like oh shit the guards are onto us. mark REALLY doesnt want to be reported so he's especially worried about this. thatcher ends up finding them but. oops he still doesnt have that werewolf thing under control. so she ends up attacking them and ruth has to intervene. but ruth and thatcher are tied in power so they just end up fighting until they both just collapse

uhhh the plot after this point is uncertain but what i DO know is that

thatcher has to run from mandelidon kingdom after the murders are found out (the werewolf thing is fine but the murders. are not), he ends up joining the crime quintet and ruth and dave go to find her. only to find out that hes working with criminals. just another day on the job

this is how mark and dave reunite though and we get some story there!!!

ill update this once i get more ideas but yeah take this for now

[storybookprincess]

hi! im just wondering how you ended up working @ a library? its a career that im interested in exploring so thought id ask! have a good day :)

honestly, i ended up in library work sort of by happy accident

early in my college career, i desperately wanted to be a librarian, but i was dissuaded by gloom & doom warnings about how competitive the job market is and gave up on that dream. after i graduated with a degree in english, i did a 2 year americorps program (like the peace corps but within the us) where i did college access work in an under-resourced high school

when my two years were coming to a close, i was sorta at a loss for where to go next. i knew i wanted to work with people, and had gotten accepted to a masters program in clinical mental health counseling, but i just wasn’t sure what i really wanted to pursue. i applied to a singular library job on a total whim, bc it had been my dream back in college, and, with only two years of work experience & absolutely no background in libraries, got the first one i applied to. honestly, it’s been a dream come true & i regularly reflect on how different things might’ve been if i hadn’t acted on that whim. i am so, so grateful to have ended up where i am

as an aside, what i think ultimately landed me this job were two main factors:

1. i took a job in a small library system in a rural county & i was willing to move to take it. if i wanted a fancy big city library job or something in my immediate vicinity, i think i would’ve struggled more, but fortunately i was willing to work in a less cosmopolitan area

2. throughout my application & interview process, i emphasized my customer service ability, communication skills, and love of working with people. i do love to read, ofc, but that is honestly not as relevant as people may think in modern library work. most of what we do involves tech help, reference & research, programming, early literacy activities, and education. i’d emphasize your people skills whenever possible, bc that is the heart & soul of modern library work!!!

[2-m0use]

yall I'm on this diet that's supposed to help with my chronic pain but part of it is no aspartame which means NO DIET COKE

which would be heartbreaking if I didn't break that rule every time I go to work... we get free drinks and the water is nasty (I live in a county with drinkable tap water thats really good, but my work is in another county with, still drinkable, but worse water.. we only sell bottled water to customers)

personally I don't think aspartame is causing me too much pain but I can definitely tell a difference with sugar, so I'm careful to limit that, especially late in the day bc the pain can keep me up at night sometimes.

also I really have to increase my protein and iron, so I'm eating more meat, even though I'm allergic. Im just careful about when I eat it (only at home when I don't have stuff to do and places to be) but sometimes its like a natural laxative so I see it as a win. plus white meat is pretty low cal tbh.

[mimichuuz]

"You're too young to let the world break you" is REALLY hitting me rn.

Not to victimize myself, but life hasn't been so kind to me. Although most of my biggest problems are now in the past, they've left everlasting effects on me. Was homeless & physically abused. Now I have to be in control of money. Even if its not mine. Can't tell if its just a fear of older men or maybe just my dad. Hell maybe not either. Just this uneasy feeling around them. Now I got an eating disorder, have to harm myself so I don't harm others, 2 felonies, ankle monitor, anger issues, sleep issues, and all that other shit which is probably caused by my own mental health. Hate this shit so much. I hate living. I can't kill myself bc I have some things I'd rather enjoy than die, but if I were to somehow end up in a bad situation, I'd let it kill me. Like that time I lit all that shit on fire in my apartment. Literally couldn't breath but I just layed down with my music playing and closed my eyes. Until the cops found me ofc. Hate this all. Please kill me. Let me rest. There are ppl who have it WAY worse than I do, and they're just living on. I have few problems compared to them yet I can't even handle getting out of bed. It just shows how weak I am. I am too weak to go on. Please just kill me and let me rest. If I can't manage simple things like leaving my bed and home or eating properly, doesn't that just show that its better to leave me dead? If I do have to keep living, I want to be so heavily on pills that I'm just like a vegetable. Just no cares at all. I can't talk to anyone at all. My friends wouldn't understand bc we have different lives, my family would use everything against me, my therapist still works for the county or government or whoever, so I could probably get taken from my mom if I tell her everything. Although my mom has put me through some shit, I would like to be with her. I know I'm probably safer with her and we still have some good times. I wish I could do the same with my dad. He's still in my life but i know he still hates me. Apparently he loved me when I was a baby, but as I grew up and developed my own opinions and became close with my mom, he hated me. That started in like 1st grade. I'm now in 9th and its still the same. He tries to hang around when other ppl mention how he treats me, but ofc that only lasts a bit. Then it happens all over again. I wish he loved me like he does my sister. They've always been close. He compliments her and gets her things. Last time my dad complimented me was when I was in 4th grade. Last thing he gave me was a bracelet he found on the ground in front of a hotel when i was in 5th grade. I still cherish it. Why am I never good enough? For my parents, for my family, or myself. It's not hard to be the perfect girl. I just need to lose more weight, hide my flaws, attend school, and be pretty. Then everyone will love me. My parents would accept me. Its so easy but why can't I do it? I've only lost 17 pounds. It should've been WAY more by now but nooo I had to develop an eating disorder and fuck up my eating and metabolism. All of my flaws are mental but they seem to show physically. My eye bags, bruised body, discolored skin, messy clothing. Its gross. I had to stop attending school bc every time I did, I just shut down or almost harmed myself or my peers. I was way prettier when I weighed 92 pounds but ofc my fat ass tried to recover and went up to 105. And now I'm stuck at that number. I hate everything. I want to disappear. I want to go. But ofc, I'm just a 14 year old girl. Everyone says I have no real problems, im being dramatic, or just blow off my issues when I speak up. I don't know if I should listen to them and quit my mental help stuff so I can go completely insane or continue attending and working to better myself. All this shit constantly and I'm just 14. I want it to end already.

[toberlonetrombone]

Why does my locker room AT WORK smell like weed at 7 am???

[cloudy-dayys]

who created T? you said a little girl created them while watching the Stanley program, so what do they look like?

this is the only reference of her rn as she is 19 in this drawing, but this is mia utami who was manipulated by the stanley program into creating T, a tulpa alternate. she moved into mandela county when she was around 7 in the late 1970s/early 1980s, just on the rise of alternates in the county. she was an only child with no present father figure. she was very lonely as a child with her mother working all the time, only company to keep her around were babysitters. she made T and he quickly became someone important to her. despite his scary appearance, she was unfazed by him and referred to him as her best friend. she always humanized him and showed him kindness, that being an important step in him gaining a sense of morality later on.

this is where her story can change, im developing her still. hell im not even sure if i want her to be 19. but later, when she turns 8 and T slowly begins to change and develop, an alternate breaks into their home and kills the baby sitter. T confronts the thing before it could get to mia and he goes and forcibly tells this thing to Fuck Off and that this was His house and the alternate left, mocking T for trying to 'protect' the family. that interaction alone immediately set him on a different path for the future. mom comes home to see the body of the baby sitter, police is called, and mia/her mom quickly move to a new location for safety reasons, leaving T behind. mia was obviously distraught about this, not being able to see her best friend anymore. T didn't understand and was as heartbroken as an alternate even can be when he lost his 'kiddo'. years go by as mia grows older, continuing to monitor and understand more of the alternate shit going down in the 5 counties even if she was moved to a different state. T has done a 180 and completely changed, his early memories are foggy and he can't even remember when or how he was created. Finally graduating highschool, mia joins the BPS and creates her own lil team. She heads back to mandela county, eventually meeting her girlfriend who sometimes helps her with investigations. mia helps people and their alternate encounters, but also hopes she can try and find her best friend again. she does so, but at a price.

yada yada shit happens, im still trying to build a timeline and connect things for her and T, but she and her team play a part in supporting T and aiding him after his gruesome and dangerous battle with gabriel. mia is apart of the 3% that can withstand M.A.D. as well, given to how much she has been exposed to their shit since a child.

she was going to play a major role and be his right hand man in all of his shit but i do plan on changing her story. almost scrapped her entirely bc i dont want to humanize T too much, hes still an 'alternate' after all. tho i don't wanna throw her away, shes a well written character imo

[autisticandroids]

Okay so this was a while back but im preety sure you had mentioned an au of yours where dean is a serial killer and cas successfully stalks him but i don't think you talked about it more than that and i just really want to hear a bit more bc that idea sounds so tastefully fucked up

okay so. weeks later i finally end up answering this ask. it inspired this post btw. anyway spn is a show that's like. all about justifications, as i said in the post inspired by this ask. it's about having no choice and doing what you have to do. and like there is the phantasy embedded in it, a phantasy that is both indulged and punished. but most importantly it's justified. the monsters are super strong to show how brave our heroes are for fighting them, the main characters let out great wails of grief every time their lady loves are violently ripped from them (even though now they are free to do whatever they want), the narrative twists to show our heroes as correct whatever they do. the fantasy (of being allowed to enact violence, of being free from feminine "control," of being right) comes first. the material construction of the universe of supernatural comes afterward. whatever the fantasy is, the universe of supernatural will provide material conditions to justify its acting-out.

and what this means is that our protagonists, dean in particular, are constantly doing just horrific things, which in any other circumstance would be unconscionable. but the universe of supernatural provides justification for these acts. the point of my serial killer au which i think about so so so much is to ask the question: what if these justifications melted out from under their feet? what if dean was left holding nothing but a lie and the weight of everything he's done?

therefore, the premise of my au is such (under the cut because this baby is long):

john and mary winchester, in the mid seventies, joined a doomsday cult known as the men of letters. the men of letters were rather unusual for a doomsday cult, in that they believed that the apocalypse could be prevented by human behavior. this started as correct living, correct worship, yadda yadda, the kind of behavior and thought control that cults are known for, but with the justification of: if you don't do this, the world will end. eventually, this escalated to human sacrifice. the men of letters managed to untraceably kill two homeless people in the late seventies. but they eventually fell apart. however, a month after john and mary left the men of letters (mostly john's choice, mary still believed), mary died in a house fire. john took it as a sign from god that actually, the men of letters were right, and the world would end unless john himself did something about it. so he took some of the (intensely numerological) theology of the men of letters. and he worked out his own formula. and he applied it to the yellow pages. and started ritualistically killed people to prevent the apocalypse, with his two sons in the back of the car.

now, obviously, this is some kind of grief induced temporary madness on john's part, shaped by the mental abuse he suffered in the men of letters. but the thing is, once you've killed a couple of people to prevent the apocalypse. well. there's this thing called the sunk costs fallacy. john wasn't gonna question his own beliefs after that.

and he raised his boys to believe it, too, or at least he raised dean to. they didn't tell sam what they did until he was twelve, and sam didn't buy it, tried to call the cops on them several times but in the end, they always prevented him. eventually sam ran off to stanford, where he now lives under a cloud of guilt that he's too loyal to his family to rat them out.

john died a few years back of a heart attack, but dean is convinced it's because he messed up a ritual two weeks before it happened, so it pushed him further into this belief system.

dean's killings (and john's before him) are ritualistic and distinctive, obviously the same killer each time. but they happen anywhere in the united states, seemingly at random, there are inconsistent amounts of time between each one (sometimes as short as days, sometimes as long as years), and there is no particular victim profile. obviously, since our killers are following an arcane mathematical formula to make their choices for them, but the police don't know that.

castiel novak is an unemployed shut-in with a small inheritance which he's living off of, a cryptography degree, and an obsession with all things morbid. he spends most of his time on the reddit true crime forums, playing amateur sleuth. by complete chance, he happens to recognize one of the symbols frequently used in corpse displays by the so-called sioux falls satanic slaughterer (so named because the first time three of his victims were in the same part of the country, it so happened that they were all in sioux falls, south dakota. this was in the late eighties.) as being mostly only used by a little known cult group called the men of letters, which dissolved in the mid eighties.

he only notices this because, as a teen, he had a special interest in cults and fringe religious groups. the men of letters weren't a particularly notable or well known phenomenon; they were small, and a lot like every other cult that formed during the seventies cult boom. (no outsider ever heard about the human sacrifice; there were rumors, of course, but they were garbled, sensationalized, and mixed up with satanic panic fodder.)

(the men of letters' two sacrifices were nothing particularly romantic or fantastical. they first lured panhandler josie sands back to their compound with promises of food and a warm bed when she admitted she couldn't get a bed at a shelter, and was thinking of getting caught shoplifting just so she could be under a roof in the county jail. the men of letters' leader, a man who took on the name alistair, forced his inner circle to dress in the ceremonial black robes he had given them when he initiated them into his nearest and dearest, and which his wife had sewn out of old bed sheets and dyed black with home made oak gall dye. these robes still left black smudges on the wearer's skin occasionally if they sweated too much. josie was laid, bound, on the altar, a slapdash thing constructed over the course of two days from scrap plywood and a couple of milk crates. a rich red tablecloth purchased at macy's for $3.99 hid its ugliness and gave it grandeur. alistair attempted to kill the struggling miss sands by bringing a sharpened kitchen knife down on her bosom and piercing her heart, but, having never killed a human or even slaughtered an animal before, was unaware of the problem presented by the human ribcage. after rather ineffectually poking at the area beneath sands' bosom with his knife while she shrieked in pain and terror for about ninety seconds, alistair tried a different tack, and slit her throat, which worked just fine, and she bled out quite nicely. the second and final victim of the men of letters was a local vagrant named larry ganem, an older gentleman who walked with a limp. he was lured back to the compound in approximately the same manner as sands, but instead of being bound, he was fed stew laced with sleeping pills. even if alistair hadn't slit his throat, he wouldn't have woken up. it's actually arguable whether he was still alive at time of sacrifice; mary winchester (eight months into her first pregnancy), who, as a member of the inner circle, was in attendance, actually tried to take ganem's pulse as he lay on the altar (now covered by a different tablecloth; the red one had turned stiff with sands' blood and been subsequently burned) and found nothing, so it is entirely possibly only sands' death can be directly laid at alistair's feet, and ganem's is the fault of mrs. ellen harvelle, who prepared the laced stew. regardless, these two deaths are lessons in the nature of human evil: it is very rarely skilled, suave, or smooth. it's often slapdash, half-hearted, and just plain incompetent. but that makes it no less grisly. alistair may have begun to drink his own kool-aid, as it were, and escalated this far out of genuine belief that the apocalypse was coming and it was up to him to stop it, but it is far more likely that he sensed the imminent collapse of his little empire, and wanted to bind his subjects to him through the horrors of shared guilt, considering two lives a small price to pay for the continued loyalty of his inner circle. and the tactic worked: the men of letters didn't start to collapse in earnest until almost four years later. perhaps if alistair had continued the killings, the men of letters could have lasted for far longer, maybe even up until the present day. but it seems that alistair, a psychiatrist by training and unused to violence, simply didn't have the stomach for it. unlike, say, john winchester, who before his time with the men of letters had done a two year tour in vietnam, during which he had killed three living, thinking human beings with the american government's go-ahead.)

anyway. castiel is the first person, ever, to make the connection between the men of letters and the sioux falls satanic slaughterer. and once that connection is made, castiel begins to research the men of letters far more in-depth. and he notices something: the theology of the men of letters was intensely numerological, filled with patterns, significant numbers, and even spiritual equations.

castiel thinks of the seemingly random selection of the slaughterer's victims, and has an epiphany.

he cracks all his fingers, and gets coding.

six months. it takes castiel six months to discover an equation that could fit the slaughterer's pattern. it's complex, but also clearly based on several of the men of letters' holy numbers, and accounts for every single one of the killings. it also suggests that there should have been two or three more deaths scattered across the years, but more than likely those did happen, it's just that they weren't reported as part of the slaughterer's portfolio.

but much more importantly, castiel's model can also make predictions. there will be two killings, fifteen days apart, in a city seven hours' drive away, six weeks from now.

so castiel waits. and he books a hotel room. and two months later, he's waiting outside 217 oak street when a shadowy figure climbs up a tree and lets itself into the upstairs window.

dean winchester is feeling particularly all alone in the world when he breaks into maisey banks' home (217 oak street). his father has been dead for half a decade, and he hasn't spoken to his baby brother for twice that. it's not like this whole grizzly saving the world business makes him a lot of friends. so once he's done killing maisey (which is easy, she was ninety three and dying of cancer anyway. she doesn't even wake up when he slits her throat) and arranging her corpse in the appropriate manner, with prayers and sigils, he turns around. and sees a man standing behind him.

smiling slightly.

as he watches dean gut this old woman.

dean freezes.

the man takes a step forward.

"you're very attractive for a serial killer who's been operating since the eighties."

dean is silent.

"family business, is it?"

silence continues.

"i'm not here to report you to police. i'm just here to see if my algorithm worked right."

and dean finally breaks his silence: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

what's fun here is that dean knows (or rather "knows") that he isn't a serial killer. so he finds what cas is doing, this amoral serial killer stormchasing, morally repugnant. because cas has no way of knowing he isn't a regular serial killer.

there's also the fact that that cas proceeds to flirt with him. aggressively. and follows him back to his motel.

but the thing is that dean is all alone in the world. and as cas continues trailing him around, he starts getting, well, flattered. and feeling a little bit less alone.

it doesn't take very long before they fall into bed. even if cas is an amoral stalker with a fetish for what dean considers a distasteful yet necessary vocation.

so. they fall into bed. they fall in love. they make a little life together, in dean's big sexy car. dean tries to explain to cas that he's saving the world. that these people's lives are a necessary price to pay. and cas seems to listen.

of course, castiel doesn't believe a word of it. but he's found that he likes dean. really likes him. and he realizes that the collapse of dean's belief system would destroy him.

so he sets about becoming as complicit in it as possible.

even to the extent where, when dean is hit by a car and ends up into the hospital a day before one killing is meant to take place, castiel agrees to take on the job. (he doesn't actually kill anyone, obviously. but he does use his extensive skill with computers to create three fake newspaper articles which make it look like he has.)

but five years later, something goes wrong. really, really wrong. dean miscalculates the formula. and by the time he checks his work, the actual date of the next kill, as demanded by the formula, has passed. in fact, so have three others. and the world didn't end.

dean collapses. he hyperventilates. all those people. all those people. for no reason. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people.

cas seems totally unfazed. dean stares at him in shock. but cas just takes dean in his arms, and whispers in his ear: "oh, dean, i never believed in the equation. i love you no matter what you've done."

and dean buries his face in cas' chest.