#but im still mourning what could have been | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

munadyke · 10 months

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hmmmm!

#um so sucks that s&b was canceled but i cannot say i didnt see it coming #also im so sorry. i hate to say it. but i couldnt even finish s2.....#they werent doing my friends justice #sorry but jesper and wylan would not act like that #and like kaz and inej had fun stuff going on but the ordering of the plot events in s2 completely messed up their relationship arc #and also just their personal journeys in general #at this point we could never get the ice court because all of its climactic moments would feel meaningless because they completely removed #all of the emotional context #idk im not articulating this particularly well rn #but im still mourning what could have been #s1 was a little messy but she was fun and had so much potential #and i was really enjoying the s&b storyline too #and like i loved the casting and i love alina and genya and zoya and even mal #like mal and alina in the show were so dyke coded what who said that #but anyway i dont know what im saying anymore!

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queen0fm0nsterz · 8 months

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Ended up pirating all of Hazbin for the sake of my younger days (used to be a fan when I was around 14/15, before all the stuff with Viv came out) and I am so surprised by how I felt... nothing for the most part. Like a lot of the show's storylines feel like they was crammed in there with no real pacing. A lot of this should have been season 2 territory, which is a sentiment I've seen echoed around, but also... it feels as if the show is trying to be episodic while also having a long narrative thread, which just doesn't work with just 8 episodes. Especially not when paced like this. So I kinda ended up feeling nothing for the most part. All the events got a "Oh, great, so what?" reaction out of me because there was little to no buildup to most of them.

Sir Pentious was always a fave of mine so I was glad to see they kept him around and, though I think we should have had more episodes with him as a villain, I think how he ended up was fitting for what little of an arc he had. I am livid about what they did to Cherri and Mimzy.

I fucking loved Mimzy, I have no idea why they sent her away -- having someone like her at the Hotel would have been a blast considering how the others are already on the road to redemption. She would have balanced it out by being a regular sinner, someone who doesn't care about redemption and won't probably ever care unless it's in her best interests to. Plus her friendship with Alastor was quite cute, they bounce off of each other very well imo. Plus I could see her have a bit of a conflict with both Charlie and Vaggie because of her ways of acting. I'm so sorry they took that from you girlboss.

And Cherri... dear lord where WAS she? She should have been a lot more present. I used to like her relationship with Angel and I even think Cherrisnake is cute conceptually, but both these relationship had... little to no room to breathe imo.

#hazbin hotel critical #not putting this in the main tag #i wouldnt call myself a fan but i guess i can mourn what could have been #not considering viv and her controversities for a second... the pilot had a very nice feeling to it #that the series was not able to replicate #i think my liking of mimzy should come as a surprise to NO ONE LMAOOOO #i love evil selfish women im sorry ... sue me #we need to save mimzy sir pen and cherribomb from hazbin everyone else can rot #ok in all fairness i will give the show credit for ONE thing #i kind of enjoyed adam and lute as antagonists. adam is insufferable which is awesome #it makes it easy to hate him as a villain. and lute being his right hand woman makes sense #they read like a christian couple (term used loosely) where the man is a misogynistic asshole and the woman just kinda endorses it #which is perfect if you wanna make a critique of heaven and the humans who go in it because they repented or whatever #i always love dumbass villains who are easy to hate (mamoon from helluva being another example of a villain i enjoy)#thats it. thats all i have in terms of compliments #would love to adress the Angel Dust controversy because as a victim of SA (and CSA) myself I think there is nuance to be found in --#-- having a discussion about how we see survivors and how we portray the abuse they endure #i was an unconventional victim too. i kind of see a glimpse of me in Angel which is why I was LIVID when I got the full picture of the --#-- situation. but still

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fadeintolight · 1 year

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happy 4th birthday to the queer anthem lights up she was an enigmatic comeback

#what an era - it could have been #im mourning #still my 3rd most listened song??!

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eonars · 4 months

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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this #when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it #tbf like all that other shit up there aside #this did actually come at the perfect time #i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person #i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was #in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while #kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before #and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters #even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity #and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell #so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone #and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore #im the most ready ive ever been #2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement #entirely on my own #like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog #i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then #im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now #anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself #but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years #became a stable genius as it were #whos a lot more clearly defined and present #but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid

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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months

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obsessed with the idea of the doctor and the master standing together in opposition to gallifrey post-end of time. less in it being the reality of the situation, and more in it being what the master perceives it to be in the immediate aftermath of being. well. told he was going to be disposed of. the combination of that rejection with the doctor choosing him, the way that sets them up with a common enemy. but where that enemy for the master becomes gallifrey in the abstract with the council as the face of it, the doctor never sees it that way, never thinks of it as the two of them against their own world. the doctor, crucially, kept count of the children. when he saves gallifrey, it isn’t about the master at all, not to anyone but the master themself. because how are they supposed to take the doctor choosing gallifrey over them as anything other than a betrayal.

#the master and his stupid warped sense of importance to both the doctor’s choices and the universe as a whole #which is. well. i mean he’s not alone in that. the doctor has the same ideas about himself in relation to the master. and the universe.#only the universe obviously sometimes validates him because this is a story. about him.#but my point is. the master wanting gallifrey to burn post-end of time. setting up the hybrid prophecy as missy. makes sense to me. it does.#i just wish there was more. conflict to it. more to lash out at the doctor with because the master is choosing him so *why* isn’t he #choosing the master back. why is he trying to stop the hybrid plans. this is what they’re meant to *do*. this is what being on the same side #*means*. that there must be an opposition and that opposition must be gallifrey as a whole. because in that most crucial moment the master #got hurt. and time echoed back because of what the council did to make it so he’d been hurting his entire life. just so they could use him.#you get it? you get it. my fucked up raccoon of a man she has so many issues.#it’s just such a fascinating concept to me because that is still *gallifrey*. that’s still his home. the master is not heartless.#when he tries to connect with the doctor he does it to references to gallifrey’s physical features. this is a place he mourned you know?#in his way. so. you know. how do you look at your home and want it to burn right? how far do things have to escalate that you’d rather it be #ash than a place to go back to. and how do you deal with pushing forward with this plan. when you thought you wouldn’t have to push it alone #like for one minute there they were really truly on the same side. their own side. and then they weren’t. and no one told the master that #they weren’t anymore until she got punched in the head by that knowledge. you know?#rambling again im so sorry #doctor who #thoschei #the doctor #the master

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anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year

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So I've been Sinning because I've been making posts on Malorn and Duncan individually but I don't think I ever really touched up on how their relationship with EACH OTHER would be and that's literally the most traumatizing thing I can think of for either of them

This is like, moreso purely speculation and 🌈 imagination🌈 anyways because I don't think there's like any canon material on the two of them interacting and their arcs and backstories are as small as bacteria in the first place but literally those two on their own could have their own fucking show with how much UNTAPPED STORYLINE that can come out of "Borderline child prodigy forced into and struggling with important position" Malorn and "Troubled child with undiscussed emotional issues and a jealousy complex borne from said position" Duncan

Idk about any type of interaction or relationship these two might have had before Malistaire became the Joker, but I can imagine there's ALREADY some type of rivalry (at LEAST one sided) between two guys in the same school in the same class, one of them is blatantly better than the other at everything they do and it's not the guy who says he is. (Like, idek how Malorn himself feels about him being the best in his class, but from what we've seen he doesn't brag about, mislead, or exaggerate about it like Duncan does. And the insane thing is Malorn AT LEAST would have a BASIS on his claims and attitude even if he was being a jerk about it)

But the thing is, Malorn back then as a regular student would not have been in any position to be up close and personal with Duncan in any meaningful way during school hours. Like they're classmates, at best they get grouped on a project together, but Malorn and Duncan being together would not be required and important until AFTER Malistaire dips and Malorn is now Duncan's PROFESSOR. Now in a totally more complicated and intimate way than before, Malorn and Duncan HAVE to interact with each other, speak and work with each other because now Malorn is the new Death teacher and he has to handle the brunt of Duncan's education and progress. GIRLS YOU NEED TO READ THAT LAST PART AGAIN BECAUSE THAT IS SO IMPORTANT!!!!!!!

Malorn and Duncan literally CANNOT escape each other if they wanted to do their jobs (good, unbiased educator and student still receiving education respectively). Yeah they may not be like, personal tutor and student but Duncan is in MALORN'S class now, and just that position alone puts a type of pressure on both of them to still maintain their respective roles and civility while dealing with the person who Does Not Make You Happy on a more personal level than before. That sucks actually

Like, Duncan couldn't even lie to Malorn about how "well" he's doing in Death class when he can SEE his papers. Duncan can't hide his grades papers from his professor, Duncan is no longer able to pull the wool over Malorn's eyes like he does with EVERYONE ELSE. Duncan already had some type of issues with being second best, but imagine one of the people that was threatening Duncan's spot as first place becomes his superior. His superior that can SEE that Duncan is in fact, not the best. Duncan can't even PRETEND that Malorn isn't better than him anymore because it's been proven, when Malorn was made Professor instead of him, and Malorn himself now has an inside view of Duncan's insincerity. What little ""power"" Duncan thought he had was now ALL taken away from him

AND THEN MALORN DOESN'T HAVE IT MUCH BETTER, because here's this little shit that just seems to hate him for no reason???? Idk if Malorn ever knew about Duncan bragging about himself or his jealousy of him in general before Malistaire left, but whether or not he did before he most likely knows NOW. With his new position and him having to care for Duncan as a student rather than a peer, now suddenly Malorn is in Duncan's DIRECT line of fire and he has no wiggle room to step aside or remove himself because in order for Malorn to be a good teacher *he has to be there for Duncan*. He no longer has the luxury to just "ignore" Duncan or even put him in his place if that's what he really wanted, because now Malorn has to be a certain type of responsible and not abandon or get into fights with students that give him any issues (looking at you Malistaire and Mabrose 😒)

Yeah ofc Malorn could always discipline Duncan or smth but what's the use if this one student is just adamant on causing issues? It seems like Duncan has more of a 'hands off' type of technique when trying to get what he wants (using other people to finish his homework for him), but it's super easy to imagine Duncan just doing little or petty things to undermine Malorn's authority in any way he can. Nothing evil but just like challenging or questioning Malorn's lessons during class, mouthing off whenever he can, things that are used to blow off steam and stick it to Malorn in what little way he can definitely sounds like some shit Duncan would do. And what are you supposed to do when this kid, someone who is YOUR AGE but is still essentially supposed to be listening to YOU, is lashing out at you and disrupting class every chance he gets? Discipline him for the hundredth time?

Imagine how this grates on Malorn's nerves how on top of everything else, on top of everyone else already being jumpy and snippy around him, in addition to his entire lifestyle being turned around, even with his tutor and someone he looked up to betraying him in the worst way, even with ALL OF THAT, this *ooooooone* person decides to go out of their way to continuously punish you for it. Malorn is doing his job, what he's expected of no matter how unfair or tiring or unrewarding it may be, and he is being persecuted by someone for a job *he never even asked for*.

Malorn did not plan or hope for ANY of this to happen. Yeah being a Professor sounds cool and shit at first glance but like I've said once before Malorn at that time is still like 12 years old and the change is so absolutely sudden and jarring that Malorn couldn't have even possibly PREPARED for this situation. Whether or not Malorn is actually good at his job now does not push aside the fact that Malorn may not have even WANTED to be in that job in the first place!! We have no way of knowing if Malorn was seriously like "man I wish I was a teacher right now" at ANY point of his life, but it's safe to say he most likely DID NOT because Malorn was never flaunting or showcasing his talent to everyone like Duncan was!! Perhaps the one person who wants this THE LEAST is being unfairly judged by the person who wanted it THE MOST

AND THAT ^^^^^^^ is getting to the core of this Malorn VS. Duncan thing going on here. Two opposites, two extremes that are forced together unwillingly and they're both unnecessarily suffering for it.

And at the end, when The Wizard is trying to do shit and Duncan pops up like "aaayyyy 🤪🖕" and is defeated in 2 seconds, how does that affect them both? Does Malorn ever like, know this about Duncan? Did Duncan even graduate before he was manipulated into a literal cult?

Imagine how messed up Malorn would feel if he ever found out. Would he take it personally, even though none of it was his fault? Would he still FEEL that it was his fault, that the one person who hated him sooo much it became the catalyst to his downfall? Would Malorn feel responsible for Duncan and all the hurt he's caused and all the hurt he's felt even though he shouldn't?

And the saddest part is even if Malorn did suffer any type of way from knowing how Duncan turned out to be, his responsibilities wouldn't leave him that much time to mourn before he had to go back to work. The saddest part is that even though Duncan was told over and over that he was alone and that nobody cared for him, he had Malorn by his side the entire time more than willing to support him. Their relationship is so interesting to me because it's so tragic and multifaceted when ultimately things could have been at least moderately better if the world hadn't let them both down

#loooooooooong post #very long post #but seeing that art of them by ghostcond i was like ''THIS IS IT. THATS IT THATS EXACTLY WHAT IVE BEEN MISSING''#im actually crying for two little kids rn like LMAO #once again 90% of this never really happened between them LMAO but it could have and THATS WHATS MOST IMPORTANT #kingsisle really had a goldmine here with these two characters and theyre never connected or expanded upon #understandable because the game's not about them but im still mourning what he could have had #nobody can take this away from me. these boys are Traumatized and that is how they will be to me #im such a loser for young children being thrusted into positions of immense power all of a sudden and theres like so much of that here #morganthe. malorn. duncan. us. like bro #we're all like the sides of a weirdly four-faced coin #i just love how stories delve into people so young being screwed over with the power they dont know what to do with and how it effects them #malorn may not have become like the rest of us in terms of sheer power level but his professor status is a position of power #that he WAS NOT READY FOR #i havent slept in like 6 hours lmao so imma stop these rambling tags but ANYWAY. cry for them #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #malorn ashthorn #duncan grimwater

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rainingincale · 8 months

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#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess #but ive just been debating something for a while now #so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons #i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried #2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me #like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh #anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings #and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog #posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home #for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily #you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i #do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and #art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this #is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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,,

#lmao another thing that sucks so fkn bad and is pathetic af #is that like yeah i dont have any friends or anyone to talk to #he has been the person closest to me for a year....#and bc i have these feelings for him #i want comfort from him 💀 which obviously i cannot ask for #but i *want* him to reassure me and tell me that i'll be ok probably maybe #like i've tried so hard to not be a 'brat' (tbh a part of me that i... felt so close to him and wanted to be closer #and feel comfortable w letting out w him. but thats a door that will remain closed and i mourn it)#and told him not only my hurts but also stuff like i support him and hope for him that he'll have what he wants now #i dont expect anything in return but i realized that i feel so sad and down #bc deep down i want him to do the same for me 🥲 like i want him to say anything mainly #but yeah... idk it sucks bc i look up to him and his advice is always so grounding and helps me a lot #so even if im unhappily in love w him i still want to look to him for advice and some sort of guidance #and i know how this sounds. it is how i feel regardless.. feelings are pesky >.<#at the very least i just wished he could say at least smth...#and i feel even more stupid having tried and then ... nothing #which again reminds me that yeah... i wont be .. like i wont be #hmm... how do i phrase this.. like i want him to see me in pain and struggling and want to give me any feedback asap #as to not keep me in pain without hearing anything back for too long. kinda like that #but i wont be that bc im not the one he'll put what he has in. which obviously i intellectually understand #i still just hurt bc of it bc i still wish for it (which is smth i have to learn how to not do)#and it hurts bc lol.. i wait and wait for him to say anything and then it hurts more bc it doesnt happen so T-T #also it really sucks that i dont have any friends bc having friends helps u try to stay sane and not completely be submerged in these thing

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basementxdweller · 6 months

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thinking about that time i was asked "who molested you for you to turn out this way" on here. something something that action had consequences

#dolly gross posts #internally for me it did anyways #me when the repressed memory resurfaces. its fine. its fine. its fine. its fine.#at leastnow when i think abt it its like. ah okay. that happened to someone else and not me so its ok.#and i simply ignore the fact that it happened to my body. it doesnt matter. yay <3 #also im still not fully convinced that what happened to me was in fact molestation. shrugs #its like 'well they were also a child so it doesnt matter or count' and 'it isnt that big of a deal even though it very much feels so'#they should invent childhood experiences for me that dont make me feel like i have to preface everything i say with #'okay so heads up this is probably heavy and weird and will sound venty even though i dont really mean for it to'#also. idk. ill probably delete this later #because i swing wildly between being like #'this is something unfortunate that happened to me as a kid but i dont really care and it doesnt really matter'#and #'if i think about this i will want to eat glass & cry & cry & cry & cry & cry & cry and mourn who i could have been had it not happened'#they should invent someone i can talk to about this without feeling like i am lying or a bad person or making things up for attention or #making them uncomfortable or feeling like they dont understand #idk. i need to go psychoanalyze myself so i can make sense of how i think #this needs a cw probably #cw vent #cw molestation mention #i guess #shrugs

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arcaneprism · 2 years

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A show like Julie and the Phantoms was always going to have a bittersweet ending but not like this. It wasn’t supposed to end like this

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #im still upset #still mourning what could have been #but it is what it is #im grateful we were given this playground to mess with and build stories from #we deserved so much better though #the cast too #i dunno if i entirely agree with the boys coming back to life and Jukebox having children since I was expecting something else #but if we were given the chance to watch their stories unfold I think they would have been able to sell it #i wish we got to see it happen

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percyjacksonfan3 · 10 months

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Okay I will admit I was nervous going into Chalice of the Gods but I did love it

#ive been so distanced from the riordanverse since blood of olympus and i was very scared because this book is my og babies again #but rick pulled it off #were there things i didnt like? such as him forgetting Percy wore the invisibility cap before? yeah #and i wish there had been some more dialogue and meaningful conversations between characters. he's still shying away from that lately #which is disappointing #but im intrigued about what hes setting up and the little moments hes weaving in #we're still getting hints of percy's extreme power. like him with the river god?#rick what does it all MEAN #dont be a coward and commit to it #plus percy's growing resentment towards the gods and their treatment of everyone they see as less than them #give me the dark!percy storyline #but i also loved percy wavering on new rome (sorry girlies i am a new rome hater first and foremost)#and him mourning the fact that he wont be at chb much anymore #which i still think is so stupid but whatever im dealing with it #i loved all the callbacks to the og series. bit surprised rhea was introduced so casually but whatever #i feel like that could have been very cool #and the god of old age! gary! THAT was a great scene but again rick you can give us more #its okay the feelings and emotional dialogue wont hurt you #anyway im hopeful #this was just a first book in a trilogy so im hoping we'll get more into the deeper and darker themes as we go just like with pjo #you can do it rick #riordanverse #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #chalice of the gods #yes i finally read it today because i am finally reading again after weeks of work kicking my ass

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pawnshopsblue · 11 months

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was scrolling on a taylor blog for fun taylor posts and saw the most heinous most factually incorrect most ‘all arabs are muslim terrorists’ pro israel take im seething with rage i have never ever seen anything so blatantly wrong and disgusting. i do it to myself by venturing outside my dash literally never again

#and the nasty victimization ‘u will never know what its like to have to bury your dead or have to hide from missiles’ so incredibly #deliberately tone deaf and ignorant. what do u think palestinians have been doing for the past 3 weeks. 70 years #(as well as other nearby countries but i digress) meanwhile this person also is safe and coddled at home watching tv lamenting closed theat #res bc of eras tour movie je jure this is batshit insane i genuinely didnt think ppl could be so. well whatever peace n love on planet earth #ok wait no im not done u get to bury your dead in dignified ways with funerals and traditional rites and MORE than enough sympathy to mourn #them meanwhile palestinians stick theirs in ice cream freezers (if they can find the whole body that is) AND they have to showcase it in #absolutely dehumanizing ways to prove that THEY deserve sympathy and humanity like this is morally depraved do you see the difference #(and god obviously any death is absolutely terrible im not contesting that. but one of them is dealt with much much more differently like th #difference between both ‘sides’ is so glaringly obvious and insane and inhumane its just appalling to see people still go OKAY WHAT ABOUT ME #AND MY TRAUMA. LOOK AT ME #anyway okay peace n love fr this time going to scroll on MY blog now🥳

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jvzebel-x · 1 year

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🦋