#but im too scared of pain to do that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theaceace · 5 months

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imagining a world in which Simon agreed to go with Edwin and try to escape hell, imagining Simon developing an immediate and very inadvisable crush on the cute guy that just threw a grenade at a demon and Edwin's reaction to that, imagining the reaction of Charles Overprotective Rowland when he finds out that the guy Edwin insists on dragging along with them is one of the guys that sacrificed him to a demon in the first place, imagining the Night Nurse's face when three dead boys pop back through the door instead of two

#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #This is very much not what I would have wanted to see in the show because that episode was perfect to me #But I do think it would have been funny #And hey if you wanted to go the angst route and follow sandman comic lore of 'people stay in hell because they believe they should be there #Then you could have Edwin who has come to terms with who he is and Simon who is starting to forgive himself thanks to Edwin #Getting out of Hell just fine while they're being chased #And Charles 'im scared I'll end up like my dad' Rowland. Charles 'i could never be good enough' Rowland. Charles 'rage issues' Rowland #Who doesn't think he deserves to get out. Even if the thought is deep down and buried #Edwin's reaction to that would be. Woof. Yikes. Delicious #Don't get me wrong Charles would absolutely not stay in hell because I love him too much for that #And so does Death and you absolutely cannot change my mind about that there's no way she doesn't know about the boys #So yeah he'd get out fairly quickly #But just. The potential. The pain. Chef's kiss

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yumedoca · 7 months

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Was supposed to be drawing today but stuff happened and now I'm not in the mood so I guess I'll be watching UY movie 5..

#stuff refers to the monthly torture aka periods #i woke up to the worst pain ive had in a long time #it was so bad i had to take painkillers which i dont usually do #because of that im fine now but im scared about the situation once it wears off #oh right and because of usual mood swings i had an entire dilemma in the morning which basically went like 'WHY DOES GOD HATE WOMEN?'#« this is kinda funny now that im better but the statement still stands #im sorry but i needed to get this out of my system #wouldve put it in the actual post but im too embarassed..

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daily-hanamura · 10 months

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#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #man yosuke really? more scared than when your own life was in danger in the tv world when your shadow was lashing out?#when you didnt have a persona and you didnt think anyone would do anything to help you?#(i believe it. it's just like yosuke to be like that.)#chewing glass at how invested hes become in nanako and in yu's family I'm honestly just #of course everyone wss terrified for nanako but yosuke describing it as the most terrified hes ever been is really just #also man i wonder what he was going to say when he started trailing off #i bet he was going to say something about how devastated yu was but thought better of it #and im #I feel like for yosuke in that moment when nanako was missing and his partner was emotionally distraught #he must have felt so helpless too #throughout the entire year yosuke took each kidnapping really personally he kept seeing it as a personal failure on his part #when he said he wasnt smart enough or good enough to prevent it even when he knew it was coming #and then to have it happen to someone close #i think yosuke definitely felt all of yu's pain #but he also felt the pain of not being able to do anything more for yu while yu was emotionally falling apart #like hes not just let nanako down but also his best friend too and IM JUST #ok im shutting up now bye #he's good with his queue

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skunkes · 2 months

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^_^

#very very excited about surgery like i know in a year it wont even be an issue and ill be extra happy i did it #I've kinda gotten past the anesthesia fear and i lived thru the MRI needle in my awrm so #the IV wont be too horrendous.#so right now my biggest worry is the After....#ive seen ppl say they were mostly resting in bed for like 2 or 3 days #and after that they just had to take it easy to get around but idk. im so nervous about That Part.#+ i cant. fall asleep on my back. lol. im terrified #i rly hope im so exhausted on that first day that i jst knock out upon getting home ykwim #being too aware of pain in the body makes me feel cornered in it sometimes ykwim. like i want to jump out of it ! nervous #i rly hope it doesnt hurt too bad!!!!!!! i know ppl say it feels like sore abs after workout but idk. idk nervous #talkys #especially since i have work to do! i hate feeling lazy. i dont even take naps bc i feel like its laziness i cant be out of commission for #a couple of days. WAH.#my friend had an adjacent surgery and said she woke up in a lot of pain! they obvs administered pain management #immediately but oh god. ykwim. im scared of waking up in a lot of pain being in a lot of pain

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way2gosuperrstarr · 1 month

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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)

#salmon jibberish #god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a #d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop 🔥🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy #i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down #the hill #i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it #it'd melt off every time i took a shower too #<- that was probably kinda gross sorry #scabs on both my knees #one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend #and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb #we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol #afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny #me when i yap in the tags #sorry gang #and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day #my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace #just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day #idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a #dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs #idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk #ANYWAY #good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO #IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥

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zonkedtothemax · 1 year

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you gonna cry about it :(

#second ever original art post #sound off #5 years on this wretched site. i broke my lurker streak for this #mfw im a fruity ass mouse and the sad cowboy movie hits a little too close to home #(i have not watched brokeback mountain)#but my mom and a good friend of mine did. so until i do #thats close enough for comic work #anyway thank you mouse enjoyers for keeping my spirits up post reboot cancellation #i will miss it always <3 #alright tag time #pinky and the brain #animaniacs reboot #brinky #animaniacs 2020 #pinky and the brain reboot #do i tag this as brokeback mountain?#or will they be scared by my insane rats #also tumblr image crunchiness die one thousand painful deaths #pro tip for anyone trying to edit a post and reupload higher quality images.#dont name both the crunchy and sharp files the same first word.#for whatever reason #tumblr shits its pants if you do #the file name for both of them started with 'mice'#and the sharp one only went through when i renamed it #love this website but it sucks bad #ok essay clear. (fart sfx)#FUCK i forgot my own tag #my art

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sweet-like-hypoglycemia · 1 month

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Yeesh. Waiting to get my tongue split is fuckin anxiety inducing 😵‍💫 Need ...distractions...

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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ᡣ𐭩 🍓｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

#unrequited feelings are so embarrassing T-T #like idk theres just smth so so shameful and pathetic abt it for me #the person whose voice who feels like a safe haven and that makes my heart feel safe and calm.. feels that with someone else's voice #the person i want to talk to everyday and talk abt our days and share pics and rambles and say gn/gm to.. is doing that with someone else #the person i think of and wanna share myself with.. does that w someone else #the person i wanna know everything abt and ask thousands of question to does that w someone else #the person i wish to talk to with my voice even if that in itself is smth anxious for me.. does that with someone else #just all ofthe feelings i have. all of the wishes i have. about them. they feel and think about another person in their life #idk it just feels so so so humiliating #to long and ache and want for a person and they feel those things mutually with someone else #and itisharder when it wasnt a 100% unrequited crush from the beginning #but in a moment in time many of those things did occur and there was a hope that more would occur #iamlike a snailand it takes longer for me to warm up and i hate that. i hate that im so slow and it takes so long bc like #why am i so scared??? why am i especially scared of things that feel good??? i WANTED all of it but i was too scared for moving quick #and then when my desire was overriding my fear ://// idk... idk ....#i just dont know how i fucked it up but i did #and now having these feelings is humiliating and painful bc they couldve been requited if i hadnt messed it all up #so now instead of feeling smth amazing for the first time in my life im once again stuck with pain #not knowing if it'll ever go away. if i can feel this way for someone else who will feel it for me as well. will i always be alone?#and when u are in love it's also *that* person. i cant just transfer these feelings onto someone else :///#ijust dont know but it all sucks sm and i think abt every fucking day every single second and i wish i didnt feel anything #i wish i didnt feel so deeply bc it hurts too bad #knowing that i couldve had all i dream of and more but i lacked too much and was too scared... fucking hate myself so much bro

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marsbotz · 3 months

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btw this is what i mean by the weirdddd kinda sus dru scene. the brooding. plus a funny subtitle typo

#like okkk its cus he got 'lied to'... which i dont think he.. technically did?#like he never said he wasnt going to return it. or it was for his job #its still TECHNICALLY what dru asked for which was to do a joint heist #also yeah there was a stupid argument plot. EURRGHHHHH.#like dudeeee u cannotttt set me up w gru and dru connecting bc of both feeling like disappointments to their parents #and then have gru be like 'wellll no wonder dad didnt love u' DUDEEEEE.#esp when in the same movie they tell us gru was blamed for his fathers death????? for being such a failure?????#like it would notttt happen. im sorry #also the fckingggg falling out hing is so stupid. like dru is incompetent and goofy but like whyyyy disown him. he didnt DO anything #except be kinda useless. ANDTHEY MAKE UP IN THE NEXT SCENE #pleaseeeeee please tru villain plot dru return to me please #dude the way the gorls r written too. i feel naught but pain #how do u go from them being kinda scared but brave against vector. to actively fighting against el macho. TO LITERALLY NOTHINGGGG W BRATT #wahhhhh im scareedddd wahhhhhh !! aiiiieee!!! DUDEEEE U LITERALLY SAVEDDD THE WORLD LAST FILM. stopppp #also they reuse the same joke w agnes shattering glass w her scream from 2. TWICE #im such a hater sorry. this movie frustrates me beyond belief #there are like 4 scnes that i rlly like. and all of them r just the minions #i think lucy is the most in character but she has like zero funny scenes compared to the one billion from 2. and her plot w the gorls is ba #also this is just personal but the idea of dru like. coopting the minions makes me soooo sad. THOSE ARE HIS FUCKING FAMILYYYYYY U MONSTERRR #btw the credits sequence rlly is the best part of the film apart from the minion scenes. reminds me of the dynamic w vector and gru. funnn #i wish it could have been. In the movie #man god sorry to literally be such a hater but oh hhhh my god. the amount of cool stuff tehy cld have done vs the NOTHING they did is crazy

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clawsextended · 3 months

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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando #snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time #because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if #something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time #it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an #anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social #person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED #to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I #apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested #writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and #im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online #etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]

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bmpmp3 · 5 months

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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

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yutadori · 5 days

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feeling a sudden surge of anxiety while thinking about finding a dentist godddd why is it so difficult to find a good one..... i've needed braces for FOREVER and im mad at my younger self for not trying hard enough to convince my dad to help me get them because i feel like it'll be way more expensive now that i'm an adult -__- i know fuck all about anything and it sucks that i dont have an adult to ask about this kind of stuff this sucksssss why is insurance so annoying why is looking for a doctor soooooo annoyingggggg i hope i die

#fawkkkkkkkkkkk #felt tooth pain and i started to get crazy anxious like what if all my teeth fall out what if im fuckeddddd #i need braces so bad . it's bad . god #why do they have to be thousands of dollars !!!! fuck !!!!!!!#why didnt i do this soonerrrrr why was i so scared lol . like im a bit scared now but like . come onnnnn #fawk #i'm feeling so anxious just thinking about it i wanna throw up #i hate that my immediate response is to think of the worst fucking situation which does NOT help with navigating the situation #bc then it just makes me want to put it off longer which causes more anxiety #im sooooo sick of myself omg . when will i be free #fuck..................#and im too ashamed to talk to anyone about dental stuff because my teeth are so bad . idk if that even makes any SENSE #WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO COST MONEYYYYYYYY #im so anxious i feel like crying idk why oughhhh god #i hate feeling like i have to take on everything on my own . ouagh #ss

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rubiesintherough · 1 month

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#(( ooc. ))#.... so #if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house #and additional super stressful family drama #health scares caused by stress #the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved #thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not #ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad #im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby #to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying #bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged #and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird #180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd #im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me #and somethings suddenly my fault #or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth #idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together #i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to #a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke #idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter #gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense #hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this #negative tw #negativity tw #venting tw #personal tw

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orcelito · 9 days

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Ok also so I got my eyebrow and nose piercings back in... march, I think? I was supposed to go back in to get the bars changed out some time ago but I never did. Largely bc my eyebrow piercing has Not been healing smoothly (keep accidently banging it and getting it caught on things so it doesn't wanna heal) but I think the long bar has been actively hindering my healing (making it easier to get caught on things) so I decided to change it out Myself. Bought some new smaller jewelry online and it got here today and

I'm not generally squeamish when it comes to my own body. Like pain, blood, whatever. Don't rly care.

That, though... that took some effort.

But I did it! Smaller jewelry to hopefully make healing a little smoother from here on out. I also got some new jewelry for my nose stud that'll get here tomorrow. That one at least won't be a huge deal, since the nose piercing has healed so much more smoothly, thankfully.

(Preemptive warning for Gross Details in the tags. Lol)

#speculation nation #for the eyebrow piercing it's like....#ok this is kinda gross hfkshfks but i think i. at one point when it got caught on something #i think i like. tugged the piercing. um. smaller #?#like the area of skin that the eyebrow piercing runs thru is. smaller. bc it literally tore some of the actual pierced skin.#hurt like a BITCH i'll fuckin tell you that lmfao. ive been a lot more careful since.#but thats another thing with why i wanted a smaller thing. the prior one was fucking Massive in there. way too much #but now i have smth smaller. thinner too. which i hope will help with healing.#downsizing while healing will reduce the amount of variation in jewelry i can stick in there #but tbh i think itd just be wiser to stick to small things anyways. with the thinner patch of skin there.#i dont WANT to rip my eyebrow piercing out. which that was part of what made changing it so hard hfkshfm #these new ones r like screw on ends. but the one before was a pin i had to pull out.#and Let Me Tell You. i was so fucking scared of accidentally ripping it out when trying to pull that bitch. holy shit.#i got it without ripping anything. it still hurt and it bled a good bit but i got it.#switched out the jewelry. which eugh that part was pretty rough too. like not to be gross but rootin around in ur own skin is. somethin #hfksfhksbfmd but it's done and i dont intend to change it until it's healed more. so hopefully it will be. easier then.#i actually took out my nose piercing.. yesterday? to try to switch out with a shorter back #didnt work bc it was thicker. had to put the old one back in. which THAT was harrowing but mostly bc it was so. fucking. hard to do #but the new nose jewelry i got is supposed to come with a thing that makes it easier to put the nose jewelry on #(the hard part is trying to put a flat back base in from the inside of the nose. cant see SHIT in there 😭)#man. facial piercings really arent for the squeamish. good thing im not scared of pain but it has even me like Eughhh #couldve been mitigated has i gone back to the piercer. but oh well. fuck it we ball 💪#ummm should i tag for this lol #gross/#😂

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arcaneyouth · 9 days

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WAAA WEIRD VENTING IN THE TAGS RAAAUGHGAH WATCH OUT

#vent post #negative #i am coming to despise having a body at all which is not a pleasant feeling i gotta be honest #think i may need to go into urgent care. AGAIN. to pick up antibiotics. AGAIN #and thinking about it is making me feel actually disgusting #i kinda dont know how to deal with this. ive never hated my body this much #theres too many problems. and the source of the problems is my body #so i really wish i could just crawl out of my skin and stop being physical #i need to get out. so bad #i hate the constant management of a machine that should just be replaced at this point #i hate begging for a moment of peace only for all the problems to blow up all at once again #i hate not knowing how to fix it #i haaate that i keep having to go in. for the same reoccuring problems. and do the process over again #where we try something small. it works and then it doesnt. we try something bigger.#repeatedly until finally the problem ends. for a moment.#i hate that its not bad enough to justify anything either #its like. im ALMOST healthy. but NEVER quite there.#and its fucking taunting me with that #also even when im not in some kinda pain or discomfort i am fucking constantly aware #of my own heartbeat now thanks to the last 6 months of my doctors bringing it up #and it is so fucking awful being aware of it holy shit i dont want to know its doing that #i really dont want to keep meeting up with all my various doctors so often #theyre making me feel so. bad. and scared. and gross.#just by doing their jobs #but its not like i can stop going to the doctors. the problems clearly dont want to stop on their own #but i dont think they know how to make it stop either at this point #so im just here with a shitty body trying to do unhelpful maintenance forever n ever

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🌙☁️🌌

#evenings and nights are always the worst for me #when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc #u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night #just .. the loneliness gets intensified #and i can compare bc #there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday #and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages #and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes #for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new #but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler #and people only get more and more mean #plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore #and can compare and know what im missing #it does get harder :c #i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it #maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets #and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that #but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c #i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets #but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone #despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die #ok. peace out 😑✌️

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