#but it hurts to swalloe

[kinglypup]

im miserable again

[supercantaloupe]

oh my gd my throat hurts so fucking bad

[unbielevenary]

Being sick sucks so bad

[gojoshooter]

Helping you in a panic attack — Gojo Satoru

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x f!reader

Genre : heavy angst, hurt and comfort, sfw, a small millisecond of fluff at last?

A/N : Sorry if someone did this already, but i wanted to write something sad so bad lol.

WARNING : panic attack, self harm, mentions of blood, crying, tears, past abuse & bullying

“This is kinda big for you, huh,” Satoru says, kneeling on the bathroom tiles in front of you and rolling up the sleeves for a better fit.

You're not in the best state, sickness taking a toll on you in the middle of literature class. Satoru blames it all on how poorly you've dressed yourself so he asks for permission to bring you to the bathroom and put some of his.

Your wrists feel cold where he touches and his blue eyes freeze when his fingertips brush over something over your skirt pocket.

It's that bloody pen, the one that—

“Shit,” Satoru mutters.

It has been two years since you last saw them. The reason of your current panic attacks. Two years since your boyfriend reported them to the police for severe bullying case. Although they're gone, they did leave their evil habit to corrode you by yourself, untill you collapse of self deterioration. That is, if your boyfriend wasn't there by your side.

The bathroom's lights are dim but he can faintly make out where your skin is darker under his jacket that he made you wear, like it's bruised. He takes a long breathe. Satoru's fingers tremble as he goes to pull it out of your skirt.

���Stop! ” you shout suddenly, standing bolt upright from the closed toilet seat he made you sit on, eyes wet and unfocused.

He looks at you, and the only word Satoru can think of is broken. He feels protective over you all of a sudden. He's the only one in this world who knows what you've gone through, and there's no way he's not going to do something about it.

“y/n, please,” Satoru says, taking a step towards you. “Let me take that out. It's not good for you-”

“It is,” you're still shouting, voice cracking, taking multiple steps back, as if you're a cornered prey and Satoru is hunting you. “It is, you can't take it, you can't-”

“Give me the pen,” Satoru's chest aches. “Please, pup, you're hurting yourself.”

“I'm not hurting myself, it helps,” comes your croaked voice. You walk back, away from him, and then trip on something, probably the wet floor. You don't even try to get up. Just there, staring up at Satoru with those terrible, glassy eyes. It's coming, your panic attack — you can feel it. You don't want it again.

“You wouldn't understand,” you say like a stubborn kid accusingly. “So- j-just stop trying to act. You don't get, it helps, it's all I have--”

“No, you don't get it,” Satoru voice reaches an octave. There's something telling him he shouldn't be angry, that you're only lashing out because you're desperate, but Satoru is still Satoru. “Its crazy, the way you hurt yourself with that damn pen all day! ” His chest heaves but he needs to say more, finish this once and for all. He sees it, that godforsaken pen clutched like a candy in a kid's hand.

“It's not helping and for god's sake will you take it out and give it to me? ” Satoru's voice echoes in the dimly lit space and that's when he realizes he'd been shouting. Just like your father had been. It's deathly quiet then, just the soft buzz of a few fireflies dancing around the visible light.

He is breathing hard, gulping because he feels like he's choking. You're still on the floor and crying. Satoru did not want this.

You look so lost and pathetic, sitting on the cold bathroom tiles, trembling with suppressed sobs and fingers hooked under the pointed pen you stabbed your wrist with. He looks at you and you look heartbreakingly small. Satoru's anger leaves him in a moment.

“I'm sorry,” the white head says immediately, collapsing to his knees and gathering you into his arms. You don't move, just let your forehead rest on his shoulder like a limp mass and try to breathe.

“Fuck, I'm so sorry, babe,” he swallows, wrapping his arms tighter and feeling like the worst person in the world right now.

You stay there for a long time, minutes or hours or more, pressed against your boyfriend in the biting cold. You wonder how he's still keeping up with you. When you stop shaking, Satoru pulls back slightly to see your face.

You've definitely stopped crying but your eyes are no less of a void than before.

“Hey,” Satoru murmurs, and you lift your head a bit. He removes one arm from around you and places his hand on your cheek, still damp. Only then do you look at him, eyes confused, dazed. Your skin is soft with tears. Satoru feels like he has something incredibly precious in his arms, that's equally fragile.

He uses a thumb to wipe them up, leaning in so that your foreheads touch along with your nose. You blink.

“Let me? ” Satoru asks quietly, his warm palm around the silver metal pen forgotten in your hold. You swallow and nod, eyes still on Satoru's.

He pulls out the pen from your hand and places it behind him on the floor. “You don't need to hurt yourself,” Satoru says. “There are other ways.”

He has no idea whether you hear or even understand him.

“Stay over at mine,” Satoru says. He doesn't ask because he knows you won't answer him.

You both stand up and walk to his house. Your boyfriend holds your hand, which was unresponsive but warm.

When they get inside, Satoru's mom is at the island in the kitchen, leaning against the marble counter, reading something — presumably a philosophy book. She looks up as Satoru enters.

She stops when she notices you behind him, face scrunching into that of worry.

Satoru gives his mom the best 'don't ask' look which she being his mom, understands easily and nods.

“Let's go upstairs,” he tugs on your hand, and you trail behind the boy silently.

When you get into his room, Satoru offers you some of his clothes which you know will literally drown in just by looking at how big they look. He goes to the bathroom while you change, brushing his teeth and preparing for the bed. When he finishes, he comes out to see you standing in the middle of the room, scratching at your wrist. You look really small in his grey t-shirt and he finds the fact so adorable.

“Aren't you going to get into bed? ” Satoru says, and your head snaps up incredulously. Satoru, irrationally, blushes.

Yes, your little relationship hasn't gone much far yet.

“I'll sleep on the couch, don't worry,” he says quickly, nudging his chin at the fold-out he keeps in his room for when Geto & Shoko stay over after playing video games. “it's a pretty comfy couch. Don't have to think about me. And uh.. not that my bed's not comfy, 'cause it is. Everything's comfy.”

He regrets talking too much. Oh how he wishes to learn a technique that can close his big mouth.

He chuckles nervous and awkward and you get into his bed. You pull the covers over yourself, your line of shoulders still tense but he decides he can do nothing about that. He doesn't want to make you feel even more uncomfortable.

“G'night,” Satoru says, and turns off the light. He grabs a pillow and and lies down on the couch, tucking his blanket tightly around himself.

Now he can't really sleep, and judging by your odd breathing, neither can you.

“Satoru? ” You call out of nowhere, and it's so unexpected for him Satoru nearly falls off the side.

“Y-yeah? ” he replies.

Satoru's s heart is close to ripping out of his chest as his throat goes dry simultaneously.

“Do you still care? ” you ask after a pause. He doesn't say anything, so you elaborate for him in a more straight-forward way.

“Do you still like me? ”

“Yes ” he manages. It sounded more like a question, as if he expected you to go somewhere with that. Of course he still likes you, what were you thinking?

Satoru cranes his neck to look at you, whose posture under the covers seems to be more relaxed. He bites his lip on a smile.

A/N : they're still working on it :) feeling down? text me if a talk can help ♡ aaannddd! reblog if you enjoyed this hc! even likes are appreciated ^-^

P.S. : sorry if i did not make it clear what's up with the pen here, she used to stab herself with the pen on her wrist as a coping mechanism for her panic attacks (to ground herself!)

Tags : @luckimoon @ventiisoverparty

[barbarianbookhoe]

Artists and Muses

Requested by: @dreampissybaby

Request: "Hi! I was hoping you could write a request, please ignore this if you don't feel comfortable writing this. Alina introducing shy!reader to Nikolai. and she's just like quiet and in awe, but Nikolai loves. Like it took Alina three weeks to get reader to smile at her and it takes Nikolai 15 minutes to make her smile. And she feels super comfortable with him"

A/N: this is pure heartwarming fluff, though I added a lil twist to make it more exciting if that's okay. (The twist being Nikolai and reader were friends, I know, what a shock.)

Your time at the Spinning Wheel seemed to blend into one, long moment. You didn't spoke to anyone if it wasn't nessecary. Mostly because you didn't know what to say, but also because you were never the type to make small talk. You always had a hard time opening up to people, or just talk to someone without getting nervous about what you should or shouldn't say. You were shy in the sense that you favored comfortable silence over pointless conversation.

When the doors to the Spinning Wheel opened, you didn't look up to see who it was. Many people came in for the past week, and you felt less and less hopeful when you realized nor Alina, nor Mal was among them. As you walked down the big entrance hall to find more bandages, a familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

"Y/N?" You heard a woman say and when you turned, you saw Alina standing at the entrance, Mal right next to her. "Y/N!" She shouted and made a run towards you. You didn't know what took a hold of you, but you began running too, and the two of you met in the middle with a crushing hug.

The two of you squeezed each other with a painful grip, before another voice spoke up. "Can I have my girl back now?" Mal said with a smile and the two girl made space for him to hug all of them.

You basked in their warmth, before you broke the hug. "I can't believe you're here! I almost began to think that you..." You swalloed before you continued with a head shake. "It doesn't matter now. How did you get here anyway?"

"We bargained our way onto Sturmhond's ship, then found the Sea Whip and I got my second amplifier to finally end Kirigan, then we got here on a flying ship which ended with a shipwreck from the sky, and we found out that Sturmhond is secretly-"

"Nikolai Lantsov." You whispered as you looked behind them to see him step through the doors. You watched him with a mix of shock and amazement. So he's the one who saved your friends?

Alina noticed the way you stared at him, and she smiled briefly at Mal before taking your arm in hers and leading the two of you to him. "I'd like you to meet the person who saved and then betrayed us."

"Betray? That's a harsh word. And if I remember correctly, I got my fare share of punishment for it. Still hurts by the way," Nikolai pointed to the side of his face and Alina rolled her eyes at him.

"And who is that pretty lady next to you?" Nikolai asked all of a sudden and turned his head to look at you. You began placing yourself behind Alina, but she was quick to hold you next to her, where he could see you.

"Y/N, this is Nikolai, Nikolai this is Y/N, my and Mal's best friend. She's who I told you about, who helped me escape in secret. Also, an excellent storyteller." You looked at her with wide eyes, pleading to let you go, but she just sweetly smiled back at you.

"Y/N? I've been looking for you for quite some time now. I suppose you escaped with Alina, then." Nikolai extended his hand for you to shake and you accepted it. After you left go of his familiar warmth, you clasped both of your hands behind your back. You nodded in agreement.

"That's why you're here." He smiled at you, but your face remained neutral, looking at him with curiosity. "I don't want to sound like the flirt everyone seems to make me out to be, but I don't forget a face such as yours, Gorgeous." He exaggerated on the last word and it made you chuckle.

You smiled as you questioned him. "Are you sure that you're not a flirt? You seem like the biggest one, Your Higness." Your smile didn't falter as he looked back at you with amusement. "That's the worst accusation I've ever heard about myself, and believe me, I've heart quite a lot of nasty things." He said and you chuckled again.

Alina looked at the two of you with wide eyes as she tried to piece together what was happening. You connected with the prince under mere seconds. What took Alina almost three weeks to achieve, it took Nikolai only one minute to make you smile and talk to him.

Mal came to stand next to Alina and the couple watched you and Nikolai smile and laugh at each other, with genuine curiosity and confusion. They were trying to figure out the connection between you, because they didn't think that their shy friend would randomly have a conversation with the Prince.

They both noticed that you were quick to smile at him, even though you still didn't talk that much, but definitely more than you used to. They also noticed the look in Nikolai's eyes as he noticed your small movements, hoping to get a message from those, if not your words.

"This might be a wrong time and place to ask this, but I'm a naturally curious person as you know, so my question is, would you be willing to tell one of your infamous tales? I never heard a single one, while I was in the Palace." Nikolai asked you, and the question made the smile falter from your face.

For once in your life, you didn't think about the words that came out of your mouth as you answered. "There never will be a good time for this, Nikolai. Might as well do it sooner than later. Who knows when will be the next time we can enjoy our lives, without constantly worrying if the next day will come?"

Nikolai looked back at you with a newfound amazement as he looked at you. Your words certainly made an impact on him, because you were quick to look away from his intense stare, and onto the floor. You were about to excuse yourself and go away, but then Nikolai spoke up with a sweet voice.

"You've changed since the last time I saw you. You became a little more spontaneous. I was curious before, but now I'm desperate to finally talk to you." He said and you stared back at him for a few seconds, before you lightly smiled at him.

"And when should we-" Your words were interrupted by one of the Grishas, an Inferni who you've been helping in the last week.

"Y/N! I need your help! Could you come with me real quick?" She asked and with an apologetic look you nodded to Nikolai, and left with the Inferni.

------------Later at Night-----------

It wasn't until midnight that you met Nikolai again. You bid goodnight to Alina and Mal, after the three of you caught up on the past few weeks, annoying Mal to the point he almost went to ask Tamar to execute him. Twice.

You were strolling through the halls and quickly regretted not borrowing the coat Mal handed to you. The halls were cold and you only had your long sleeved, blue dress on you. Sure, you had a thin nightgown under it, but it was a sorry excuse for warmth.

You went down another corridor, when all of a sudden, the doors next to you opened, revealing a muscled chest buried in a thick green robe. After you were done studying his chest, you looked up to see a smirking Nikolai looking back at you. You quickly turned your head away from him, hiding your flushed face.

"Nice to see you too," Nikolai chuckled and from the corner of your eye, you saw him tying the robe in front of his chest, covering up the muscles. He closed the door behind him and pointed forward, indicating a walk.

He fell in line next to you, as you tried to think of something to say. You always felt comfortable in his presence, that wasn't a problem, but you were quite nervous after seeing his really-not-so-bad muscles. You never knew what lied beneath those shirts and waistcoats while you worked at the Palace.

"You know that you can talk to me, right? You don't have to be nervous about saying something wrong," Nikolai softly said and you thankfully looked at him.

After a few more seconds of silence, Nikolai stopped you dead in your tracks with stepping in front of you. You almost collided with him, had he not took a step back to make a little space between you two.

"This might come off like I'm pressuring you, but I'm dying to know, and you know that I'm not exactly the most patient person." Nikolai quickly said, and you opened your mouth to question him, but he was quick to cut you off.

"I know that I have no business asking this, especially right now, but where have you been?" He asked with genuine concern. "For the last year I was asking about you, but you vanished into thin air. I mean, with Kirigan and the attacks I understand why one might go and-"

"You asked about me?" You asked on a quiet voice, and it made Nikolai look at you like you just told him the sky is green. "Of course I did. I even tried to locate you, but it was like your entire being got sweeped off the land."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, amd you stared at him in shock. Did you really mean that much to him? Did he really try to found you of all people, during this war?

"But why?" You whispered and now it was Nikolai's turn to look at you in shock. "Why?" He breathlessly chuckled. "Why wouldn't I? You're the reason I did what I did in the last year. You kept me company while I sneeked out of the Palace, and quite honestly your words captivated me right then and there. You changed my entire perspective on everything I knew about Ravka and its people."

You looked at him with even more bewilderment than before, but took a risky step towards him, your eyes not leaving his. "And?" You asked on a soft voice, slightly tilting your head.

"And?" Nikolai asked back, and let out a slow breath before responding. "And I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were in my dreams, in my head, in the wind, you were everywhere. I couldn't stop imagining the moment I finally met you again. I could've even painted it if I had the talent for it." He swallowed as he looked down to his feet, like he was nervous.

You felt your breath get caught in your throat and you put a hand over your heart, while the other hugged your stomach. The nerves in your belly made your stomach turn in anticipation as you waited.

When Nikolai finnaly looked at you, you saw nothing but raw emotions in his eyes. Sincerity, pain and love. Yes, definitely love.

"I could write you poetry, I could paint you a hundred times, I could sing endless love songs to you. But I won't. I am no artist, Y/N." He closed that last remaining inch between the two of you and leaned closer to you, and you could feel his breath on your skin.

"Even if I'm a prince, even if I'm a bastard son, even if I'm a privateer, you are my muse. I am not an artist, but you are my muse, moye solnyshko."

[A/N: translation=my Sunshine]

His words made your heart practically burst out of your chest. You let your arms fall next to you, and took a quick look between Nikolai and his lips. Oh, to kiss him for just one moment. Would it be sweet like honey? Would it be soft like satin? Would it spin your head? You'd have to find out to know that.

"Can you," you started but the words seemed to die in your throat. Don't do this now. "I want you to," You whispered and despite what Nikolai said before, he stood there patiently, waiting for you to say what you wanted.

"Use your beautiful words, beautiful," Nikolai whispered and it was the only thing you needed to end the tension.

"I need you to kiss me." And within a second his lips were on yours. It was more than you expected. It was soft and warm, like a hug in the middle of winter. Nikolai was slow, like he was afraid you were going to vanish again if he let you go.

His hands found their way around your shoulders, and he hugged you close to himself. You clasped your hands behind his neck, keeping him from even attempting to pull away.

You had to break the kiss because you were running out of air, and the two of you panted as you tried to catch your breath. You looked at Nikolai with pure admiration, still not believing he spent an entire year looking for you, dreaming of you, thinking of you.

It made all of your sleepless night worth it. The nights you spent theorizing about where he could be, what could he be doing, if he even remembered you. This single kiss made this last year hurt a little less.

You were about to pull him in for another kiss, when a familiar voice interrupted you.

"Y/N, I've been looking for you every-" Alina said but when he saw the situation you and Nikolai were in, she quickly cleared hear throat. "Saints, I'm-I'm sorry for interrupting." She said. "I, uh, need Y/N for something. It'll be quick I promise."

She told the two of you, and you looked from her up to Nikolai, and before you could step away from him, he quickly whispered into your ear, so Alina wouldn't hear. "Meet me at your room."

You nodded while biting your bottom lip to keep yourself from smiling like an idiot. You let go of each other and you let Alina link your arms together, as she led you away.

You took a quick look back at Nikolai and saw him hiding a smile, which made you chuckle at him. The small noise made his face break out in a wide smile as he turned around.

"Mal and I were wondering if the two of you knew each other, because you were so comfortable with him earlier. Now I saw just how comfortable you are." Alina said with a light chuckle, before she continued. "You didn't seem so shy. Or is it just only with Nikolai?" She teased you and you attempted an angry glare at her, but she just giggled at you.

"Don't worry. You'll be back with your boyfriend in no time." Alina told you whick made your cheeks feel hot all of a sudden as you smiled to yourself.

For the first time in your life, you wouldn't be alone at night.

[enhajakey02]

Taking care of him when he’s sick

Heeseung

You came home expecting your boyfriend to play video games as always. " Hee baby I am home" you shouted right after you opened the front door. Usually Heeseung would shout back or pause his game to come to you but not this time, even after you called him a second time you get no response. After searching for him nearly everywhere you ended up finding him asleep in bed which makes you frown since he barely sleeps outside of bedtime. You sat beside him on bed which makes him open his eyes slightly. " Ah Y/n you are already back" he mumbled in a hotter voice interrupted by a cough." Aigo Hee are you sick?" you asked him worriedly. " Nah no way!" he raised his voice a little and fastly sat up on bed. " Ouch" he fell imedialtly back in bed while holding his head. You just chuckled by his behaviour " Yeah sure your completely fine" you said sacrastically. "I am Y/n,  I just have to rest a bit" he denied. You just shock your head " Then just try to sleep a bit while I make you a healthy soup". He shocked his head " just make me some ramen Y/n" and another caugh he insisted to have ramen so you had no other chance.

Well he ended up trowing it up afterwards "Y/n, lets try your soup next time and give me this disgusting medicine, you were right I guess I am sick." he said in a baredly audible voice while crawling back to bed.

Jay

This man knows exactly what to do when someone is sick so he does when he felt the first symtoms of a cold rushing through his body. You just came home and find him standing by the kitchen counter. To suprise him You sneaked up from behind  and gave him a slap on his ass. Well maybe you were too impetuous because he spilled the medicine he had measured on a tablespoon. "Aishh... Y/n don't scare me from behind, look at the mess aish jinja" you looked at the spilled liquid at  the counter and laughed " Sorry not sorry" but then your eyes felt on the medicine bottle " Huh... Jay baby are you sick ?!!"  you asked worriedly " Don't know I just started to feel some symtoms" he answered after swallowing the refilled spoon of medizin.

Well he was right, the next morning he couldn't barely open his eyes. He just felt so weak. " Jay you have a high fever" you informed him as you checked on his temperature. You felt helpless at that moment not gonna lie " I will make you those ... eh..." you've forgot what it was called. " calf wrap. It is called calf wrap and don't forget to bring me the fever medicine " he mumbled. "YAH!!  Jay you should rest" you shook your head. "Even when he has a high fever he manages it to correct me. As if he was born to act like a mom pff " you thought as you searched for the medicine in the kitchen.

Jake

You knew immediately that something was wrong. You just sat on couch beside Jake normally you would cuddle up and talk about your day but not today. He stayed away from you and he barely spoke, his eyes were clued on the Tv and he constantly cleared this thought. After a few minutes of observing him you've had enough. "Jakey please tell me whats wrong I hate seeing us like this. Why are you ignoring me!!" his eyes sweapt to you "I guess I am sick" he finally announced in a hotter voice  " I just don't want to infect you, I am sorry I should have told you right away" after saying this he started to cought like crazy.

Well he ended up staying in bed with a high fever the next morning making you drop your work for the day to take care of your sick boyfriend. As soon he had told you about his sickness he kept complainig all day long. " Y/nie... my head hurts and my throat and my nose is running constantly please help me." you singed " Then take your medicine finally!!" " No ! That stuff is so disgusting" he whined. After hours of explainig him the importance to take his medicine he finally swalloed it. " Gosh... you're even worse than a kid" you mumbeled to yourself after leaving the room. He basically kicked you out to make sure you’ re not getting sick. " I've heard that Y/n!!" he tryed to yell after you but his voice cracked.

Sunghoon

Sunghoon felt sick but he just didn't want to stay in bed doing nothing so he took a bunch of pain killers to feel better to finish his work. As you came home from work you've found him sitting in front of his laptop with a lowered head masaging his temples and groaning in pain. Right beside him was the bin filled with a bunch of uses tissues you know that he was sick and you've told thim to take a day off to recover but he just ignored your advice which made you even more worried about him and his condition. "Sunghoon baby don't you think you should at least take a break" you asked while aproching him. He turned his head to look at you his nose was completely red from using tons of tissues "Y/nie I am totally *snezze* fine *snezze* " you signed and came closer to him putting your hands on this forehead and as already expected it was buring hot. "You're having a fever! You will go and take a rest now" his lips already parted to protest but before he could say a word you shut him down by puting your hand in front of his mouth. " GO ... NOW! you raised your voice and shutted the laptop closed.

Poor boy was so shocked by your sudden reaction but followed your command. The next day he felt a lot better " Well I guess I should listen to her more often" he said to himself while grinning.

Sunoo

The night before, Sunoo complained of a severe headache but the two of you did not think that it was the harbinger of a cold. Well, the next morning you couldn't get him out of bed. "Y/Nie I'm so cold and my neck is so sore," he complained in a barely audible voice. Your heart ached at the sight of him, because he is usually always cheerful and lively. "I'm going to make you a warm tea and then get you some medicine, okay?" you asked him, to which he just nodded.

Why don't you get some sleep? you asked after watching him stare at the ceiling for what felt like 20 minutes. "I can't and besides I'm still cold Y/n" he pouted. You stared at him in disbelief, because you had wrapped him in three blankets already. But then you had an idea, you grabbed the remote control and crawled to Sunoo under the many blankets. "Let's watch Disney movies together," you said with a big smile on your face. He snuggled closer to you and said "finally I've been waiting for this all morning".

Jungwon

Today was an important day for Jungwon, as the leader of Enhypen he had a meeting with the company management about the upcoming comeback. Unfortunately, he woke up with a sore throat and a headache but even after your insistent attempts to cancel the meeting he decided to go through with it.

The meeting went on for hours and Jungwon's condition got worse and worse he just made it to your apartment. When he opened the door and you looked him in the eye you got a shock, you could see in his lazy eyes that he was not at all well. "Omg Wonie," you said and hugged him. "Y/n...I feel so limp" he only barely audibly said before he slowly lost consciousness in your arms.

After you somehow managed to put him to bed you immediately called a doctor fortunately he found nothing wrong. Jungwon should have simply listened better to the signals of his body. After he finally regained consciousness, you gave him his medicine. "What happened...have you cried?" he asked in shock when he saw your red puffy eyes. You tried to smile and stroked his cheek. "I was so worried about you.... please promise me that this will never happen again."

Ni-ki

You got a call from the guys that Ni-ki was sick and the others had a busy schedule so they couldn't check on him. Without hesitation you set off for the boys' dorm. When you entered the apartment everything was quiet so you assumed that he was asleep but he was not in his room which made you wonder. You finally found him in the kitchen. "They really called you?" he asked in an incredulous and hotter voice as he saw you. "They must really think I'm a helpless little kid." He shook his head in disbelief and drank from his cup, but as soon as he swallowed he started coughing like crazy. You immediately ran to his side, "Orange juice...". Are you serious? Even a child knows that this is not good for your sore throat! Ah jinja" he just eyed you from the side while still struggling with coughing fits. "Go to bed, I'll make you some tea and then we'll take the medicine!" he just rolled his eyes but followed your command "as if I would die from it" he just mumbled.

Well as the day got older his condition got worse and he started to vomit you helped him to the toilet and back to bed. "Y/n I think I'm going to die!" "YAH!!! Don't say that, you're not going to die at least not when I'm with you" "Thank you Y/n" he mumbled before falling asleep from exhaustion.

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[pink-sparkly-witch]

Can't Fight This Feeling, Pt. 2

Summary: Dean’s buddy Garth is getting married, and his ex, Lisa, is one of the bridesmaids. In a bid to stop his mother’s worrying and pitiful looks, he tells her he’s dating the girl who works in the office at the garage and that she’s his plus one. Now all he has to do is pray Y/N will go along with it.

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean Winchester x Female Reader (Eventual)

Bingo Square: Fake Dating

Warnings: Angst, fluff, flirting, idiots in love being idiots

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: This is written as a submission for Tell Me A Story Bingo hosted by @supernatural-jackles. The square filled is Fake Dating.  This hasn’t been beta’d. Any mistakes are my own! Text in italics are the lyrics to Can’t Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon.

You can catch up here!

My Masterlist     AO3    Ko-Fi

“Morning, sweetheart, you look pretty today. Did you do something different with your hair?” Dean said from the office door as he casually leaned against its frame.

“What did you do, Winchester?” Y/N asked, not even looking up from the computer, her voice laced with accusation.

“Why do you assume I did something?” Dean’s incredulous tone makes her look up from her monitor.

“You’re right. You only come in here willingly when you’ve done something or want something. I shouldn’t have assumed which,” she smirked at him. “So, if you didn’t do anything… what do you want?”

“That obvious, huh?” Dean questioned, rubbing a hand over his neck.

“Always,” she grinned. “You usually avoid my office at all costs, so I can’t give you more work, so tell me,” Y/N leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. “What could you possibly want from me? Is another girl getting too clingy? Does she want more from you than one night? Oh, oh, oh, I got it! Did you pick up another bunny boiler and need me to let her down gently?”

“Hey! That was one…” Dean caved when Y/N raised an eyebrow and smirked in disbelief. “Okay, that was three times!” Dean chuckled as he remembered the last time he asked Y/N to pretend to be him when he was desperate to get rid of ‘Stalker Anna,’ as he’d dubbed her. He couldn’t believe it when she’d thanked him for ending things.

“Alright, before you jump right in and say no, please, just… hear me out,” Dean walked over to her desk and sat opposite her. “So, you know my buddy, Garth, right?” he asked, and she nodded. “Well, he’s getting married to this really great girl. The problem is that Bess is good friends with my ex, Lisa, and she’s a bridesmaid.”

“Okay… and this has what to do with me exactly?” Y/N asked, tilting her head with curiosity.

“Well, I had dinner at Mom’s yesterday, and she asked about the wedding and how I felt about going alone and seeing Lisa, and I kinda told her I was seeing someone…”

“Dean, if you think I’m gonna set you up with another one of my friends, you are sadly mistaken-” Y/N accused.

“No, that’s not… just listen, please?” Dean’s face was wrought with guilt and desperation, quickly making her frown and give him her full attention. “She got so excited because she’s desperate to have another girl in the family, this one closer to home than Eileen, and when she asked me who, I said the first name that came to mind.”

The guilty look on his face now made perfect sense, and she knew without him saying it what was coming next. Still, she needed to hear him say it. “Dean, who did you tell her you were seeing?” 

“I, uh, told her I was seeing you. Please, don’t get mad at me. Just listen,” Dean was quick to try calming the storm clouds descending over her. “I was going to ask you to be my plus one for the wedding anyway, as a friend, but when Mom asked about Lisa, I just… I saw her look of hurt and pity, and I just couldn’t… I’m so sorry. I’ll fix it, I promise, but I needed to tell you because-”

“Dean, sweetie? You here?” Mary’s voice rang out through reception.

“Your mom’s here?” Y/N whispered, her eyes going comically wide.

“I’ll fix it, okay? Trust me,” Dean mouthed back to her, and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

“There you are! I hope you aren’t distracting Y/N from her work because you’re dating now!” Mary grinned happily, her tone teasing.

“No more than usual, Mrs Winchester,” Y/N smiled sweetly, trying to hold in her panic. Hearing Dean chuckle made her relax slightly. That simple sound told her she had sounded much more confident than she felt.

“Glad to hear it. Listen, I’ve got some errands to run in town, but I would love it if you could join me for lunch later. I’d like to get to know the woman my son’s been hiding from me for the past few weeks,” Mary said, her smile wide and bright. Genuine. 

“Mom, I-” Dean began but was quickly cut off.

“Sure! We’d love to, Mrs Winchester,” Y/N smiled softly, trying not to laugh at Dean’s eyebrows reaching his hairline in shock.

“Great! And please, call me Mary, sweetie,” she winked. “I’ll see you both at the diner later. Say, at one?”

“Perfect,” Dean smiled as he stood to hug his mother and press a kiss on her cheek. “We’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait! Bye, son. Y/N,” Mary waved her farewell and headed back outside.

“You didn’t need to do that, sweetheart,” Dean said, but his soft features showed how much he appreciated her playing along.

“I know,” Y/N nodded. “But I know how much she worries about you, and I don’t wanna upset her, and I don’t want you going to that wedding alone. Especially when your ex is gonna be there.”

“Really?” Dean sighed with relief.

“Yeah, we’ll do everything we need to do to pretend we’re dating until a little after the wedding, and then we can tell your mom that we’ve decided we’re better as friends or something. What do you think?” Y/N’s voice was soft and full of care, and he knew he owed her big time for this.

“Are you sure? Because if not, I can go to lunch with Mom and tell her the truth. I don’t wanna force you into something you’re uncomfortable with,” Dean’s eyes seemed to beg her to be sure, but she knew he wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to.

“Who said you’re forcing me? And who said I’m uncomfortable?” Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at his question. “Listen, Dean. I’m doing this as your friend. I’ve been in your shoes, remember? At Jo’s wedding in May?” Dean nodded in recollection. “My ex left me because I was holding him back, and he wanted to play the field. Two weeks later, he was shacked up with Jo’s bridesmaid, Bela. 

“He was her plus one and… well, you know how fun that wedding was for me,” she scoffed to emphasise her sarcasm. “My only saving grace was you and Benny keeping a smile on my face and having Donna there to bitch about Rick and Bela with,” Y/N explained with a sad smile.

“That’s right… what was it we were calling him? Rick the prick with the teeny tiny dick!” Dean said, and they both laughed at the memory. And damn if he didn’t love the sound of her laughter.

“Trust me, Dean, I wouldn’t wish what I felt that day on anyone. And the stares… God, they were the worst! So yes, I’ll be your date for the wedding. We’ll fool your mom so she doesn’t worry about you, and only if you’re comfortable with it, I will hug you and kiss you and squeeze you and stare all doe-eyed at you. We’ll make Lisa jealous!” Y/N giggled mischievously.

“I owe you big time for this, sweetheart. Anything you want. Name it. It’s yours!” Dean’s relief and enthusiasm made her laugh.

“Word of advice? Never offer a woman anything she wants, De. Trust me, you never know what she’ll ask of you, and it will not go down well if you say no!”

Dean left her office with a grin, a wink and a skip in his step and Y/N couldn’t help but smile. For now, she decided, she’d ignore the pang in her chest, and the feeling in her stomach that told her pretending to be in love with the guy she was actually in love with was a really fucking bad idea.

Dean straightened his tie for the hundredth time, got out of the Impala and walked up to Y/N’s apartment building. The wedding had snuck up quicker than he’d expected, and he now realised how awful this idea was. He couldn’t remember why he thought it was a good idea to say he was dating Y/N, and he had no idea how he would get through this without his real feelings making themselves known.

Sure, he couldn’t be happier that he’d have someone on his arm when he bumped into his ex for the first time since their split, and that, Dean told himself, was why he’d said he was dating Y/N. The only other reason he could think of for this… stupidity was to have an excuse to see her dressed up and take her out for the night. Spend some time alone with her.

The irony that he could’ve made his life easier by asking her on a date wasn’t lost on him and made him chuckle. He never did anything easy. He was a Winchester, for God’s sake. Easy wasn’t a word in their vocabulary. Dean took a deep breath and knocked on Y/N’s door.

When Y/N opened her door, he felt his jaw drop. She looked stunning. Her hair had been curled and pinned back in a low bun, and the cerulean blue and floral maxi dress skimmed the floor. The split in the skirt showed pale pink, peep-toe heels that matched the flowers on her dress perfectly. She’d gone heavier with her makeup, the natural pale pinks and light browns he usually saw her wear replaced with deeper shades of pink, blending into dark purples and heavier eyeliner and mascara framing her lashes.

“Wow, you look stunning, Y/N,” Dean said with an awed smile adorning his features. 

“Thank you, Dean. You scrub up pretty fine too! I have to say, I never thought I’d see you out of denim and flannel!” she giggled. “Come in for a second, I’ll just grab my purse, and we can go.”

“Sure, take your time, sweetheart. We’ve got plenty of time,” he glanced around the homely apartment. It wasn’t girly by any means; it was warm and calming. The sage green walls, cream carpet, and oak furniture gave the living room a country house feel. Walking to the sideboard, he smiled at the framed photographs of family and friends proudly resting there. Y/N had a beautiful smile, and it was even more evident in the candid shots she’d chosen to frame.

“Ready?” Dean asked as she stopped beside him, flashing him one of those breath-taking smiles she had. He held his arm out for her to take and led them to the door. If there was one thing his parents had instilled in him since he was a young boy, it was to always be a gentleman in the company of a lady.

He waited patiently by her side as she locked up and let her hook her arm with his again as they journeyed to his car. He slowed his pace to ensure she could keep up in her heels and held every door open for her.

Taking her hand, he helped her get into Baby. He waited patiently while she made herself comfortable, concealing the view of her fixing and straightening her dress before sitting back on the aged leather seats. “You good?” Dean questioned softly, winking at her smile and nod of agreement before he checked none of the material of her dress was hanging out the door and closed it.

He walked around the back of the car and opened the driver’s door, sliding seamlessly into the vehicle. He put the car in drive, headed out of the parking spot, and took the road to the country club.

The ceremony was beautiful, and the bride was stunning, as were the bridesmaids. Y/N had noticed Lisa eyeing her and Dean several times through it. She didn’t think Dean had seen; if he did, he didn’t react. Y/N did, though. She couldn’t help herself. She knew what Lisa had done to him, and it made her feel sick whenever she looked over at the brunette. Keeping someone around because they love you and are a good father figure and role model to your child, knowing full well you don’t share their feelings, was wrong on so many levels.

Dean was better off without that toxicity in his life. He was such a good man and didn’t deserve to have been used like that for so long. It broke Y/N’s heart. Lisa wasn’t being subtle either, trying to catch his eye, no doubt to throw him a perfect smile. We’ll see about that! Y/N thought as she moved closer to Dean and slid her arm up his back, rubbing his shoulder blades gently and laying her head lightly on his shoulder. Lisa frowned for a split second before she checked herself and smiled again.

Dean loved the attention Y/N was giving him, glad that she would give her all to this fake relationship to fool the room full of his friends. He glanced down at her, noticing the soft smile resting over her features as she watched the bride and groom say their vows to each other. He nudged his shoulder slightly, getting her attention. Y/N lifted her head from its perch on him and looked up, smiling wider. He couldn’t resist and threw caution to the wind as he leaned down and placed his lips gently on hers.

He kept the exchange brief, knowing it wasn’t the appropriate time for more than a peck. Still, as Y/N smiled wider and returned her gaze to the bride and groom, he kissed her hair softly and put his hand on her thigh, wishing with everything in him that this was all real.

Dean glanced up at Lisa and noticed she now had a furrowed brow. He wondered if Y/N knew Lisa had been trying to catch his attention, and that’s why she’d done what she did, or if it was the romantic setting they found themselves in that had that effect. He’d have to ask her later.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride!” The officiant declared. All the guests stood and erupted in rapturous applause and whoops, showing their love and appreciation for the newlywed couple. Y/N was quick to loop her arm through his before she continued to applaud as the happy couple walked back down the aisle.

If either of them had seen Lisa walking down the aisle, they didn’t acknowledge it as Y/N’s hand slid down his forearm and clasped it with his. Once again, Dean smiled and leaned down to kiss her, this one lasting a little longer while remaining appropriate. If they’d seen her, they’d have seen the sad torment cross her features as she saw them together and realised this was something she couldn’t get between. They were clearly in love with one another, and that was something Lisa would never be able to compete with. Nor did she deserve a second chance with Dean after what she’d put him through.

The guests mingled, taking advantage of the free bar while the wedding party took photographs. Y/N slipped off to use the restroom and freshen up her makeup, wanting to make sure she played her part as Dean’s girlfriend perfectly.

“Hey, Dean,” Lisa said, interrupting his thoughts and making a chill run down his spine.

“Lisa. How are you?” he asked to be polite, although he was glad this was happening now and not when he had more to drink.

“Uhm, I’m good, thanks. You?” Lisa asked with a sad smile.

“I’m great!” he smiled genuinely. Today that was true. He did feel great, but he knew it was because Y/N was on his arm for the day.

“So, you and the hot girl from the garage, huh?” Lisa smirked, but Dean saw the sadness behind her eyes. He was long past caring about her and her feelings. In fact, he felt a sense of pride that Lisa was the one who seemed to be holding onto a smouldering flame.

“Y/N, yeah. She’s amazing!” Dean responded, a softness coming over him that Lisa had never seen in him.

“Are you happy?” Lisa asked, already knowing the answer and cursing herself for torturing herself further. It was clear from a million miles away that he was happier than anyone had ever seen him.

“Yeah, I am,” Dean said, smiling brighter than the sun as Y/N appeared by his side and slid her hand up his back, rubbing comforting circles over his tense muscles, telling him she was right there. She’s got his back. She’s got him.

“Y/N, you remember Lisa? Lisa, this is my girlfriend, Y/N,” Dean reintroduced the pair.

“Hey Lisa, it’s nice to see you again!” Y/N smiled and held her hand out to the bridesmaid. Lisa’s brow furrowed as she tried to remember when they’d met before. “How’s your son doing? Ben, right?”

“Uh yeah, he’s doing good. Thanks for asking,” Lisa was genuinely touched she’d asked, especially as she couldn’t remember being formally introduced to Y/N before. Then again, she never took much interest in Dean’s life or the people in it.

“Lisa! Come on, the photographer needs us!” Another bridesmaid called over to her, and she turned back to Dean and Y/N.

“Sorry, I have to go, but it was great to see you both again,” she smiled and excused herself.

“Well, that went… well?” Dean looked down at Y/N, and the relief on his face was as evident on his face as it was when his shoulders slumped and relaxed.

“Yeah, it did. I don’t think she remembers me, though,” Y/N chuckled. “I mean, I only met her what, like five or six times?”

“Yeah, well. Lisa always was a little self-centred. Anyway, I need a drink. What’s your poison?” Dean grinned at her.

“A big glass of wine,” Y/N hummed. “Like a really big one!” she and Dean laughed as he put his arm around her waist and led her to the bar to get their drinks.

“Not this again!” Y/N chuckled incredulously. “Why is everything with guys about the size of their dicks?”

“Hey, I’m being a good friend here asking if he took care of your… needs, but by your defensiveness, I’m gonna guess no. Ricky with the little pricky didn’t know how to satisfy you.”

“You really hate him, don’t you?” Y/N tilted her head in curiosity.

“He hurt you! You’re my friend, and I’ve got your back, always. So yeah, I hate him,” Dean defended her. “You don’t?”

“Honestly, he’s not worth the energy. When I think about things… like really think about them, we weren’t well suited. And you’re right, Dean,” she giggled. “Rick is a prick with a teeny tiny dick who doesn’t know how to drive that stick!”

Dear Lord, I’ve gotta ease off the wine! Y/N thought as she burst into laughter at her awful attempt at poetry.

Dean threw his whole body into his laugh. His head reared back, he stamped his foot and slapped his thigh, the other arm clutching his stomach. “Oh man,” he said when he finally calmed down. “I knew it! He just gives off that vibe, you know? Overcompensating all the time.”

She hid her amused smirk behind the wine glass and took a drink. “Seriously, Y/N/N,” Dean’s tone was serious now, and she turned to give him her full attention. “If you ever need some help, I’m available,” he grinned and pumped his eyebrows cockily.

Y/N choked on her wine, making Dean slap her back. “Hey, I’m kidding, sweetheart! Don’t go dying on me!” Dean chuckled.

“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting that!” Y/N laughed once she’d stopped coughing.

“So, it wasn’t the thought of sleeping with me that made you almost choke to death?” he smirked, trying to act cool about it, but he needed to know.

“God, no! I just wasn’t expecting you to offer your… services to me, that’s all,” she said with a shrug, and Dean felt more relief than he probably had a right to.

The band began playing the opening cords of REO’s Can’t Fight This Feeling, and a small smile settled on her lips. Dean knew she loved this song. God knows why, but she did, and to see that beautiful, subtle gleam of happiness come over her was stunning. Before he knew what he was doing, he stood and held his hand out to her.

“May I have this dance?” Dean asked with the brightest, most charming grin he could give her. 

“Really?” Y/N asked in disbelief, her eyes narrowing when he nodded his head. “You want to dance to REO Speedwagon? I thought you hated them?”

“Ah, this song isn’t so bad. And I know you love it, so… do you wanna?” Dean shrugged as if it was no big deal. The corners of his lips curved when her eyes lit up when she nodded her head and put her small hand in his, letting him lead her to the dancefloor.

Dean’s arms slid around her waist and gently pulled her into his body, leaving no space between them. Y/N’s arms circled his shoulders, and she rested her head on his chest as he began to sway them around the dancefloor.

I can’t fight this feeling any longer And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow What started out as friendship has grown stronger I only wish I had the strength to let it show I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever I said there is no reason for my fear ‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together You give my life direction You make everything so clear

A content sigh escapes her unchecked, and she feels Dean’s voice rumble through his chest before she hears it. “You doing okay, sweetheart?” he asks her quietly.

“Yeah, I'm good, Dean.” she smiled, loving the feeling of being in his arms, and Jesus, does he smell good! Her smile widened when she felt Dean’s lips on her hair.

And even as I wander I’m keeping you in sight You’re a candle in the window On a cold, dark winter’s night And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for It’s time to bring this ship into the shore And throw away the oars, forever

“If this was part of your plan to make Lisa jealous, I think it’s working!” Y/N giggled. “She looks like she wants to kill me… or you. I can’t tell who she’s glaring at!”

“Oh, it’s me, sweetheart. No doubt about that!” Dean chuckled. “I always told her I don’t dance, and I don’t…”

Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for And if I have to crawl upon the floor Come crashing through your door Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you I’ve been running ‘round in circles in my mind And it always seems that I’m following you, girl ‘Cause you take me to the places that alone I’d never find

“What?” Y/N asked as she moved her head off his chest to look into his sparkling emerald eyes. “Then why are you dancing with me?” she frowned, and he smiled at how cute she was.

“I already told you. I know you love this song, and we’re at a wedding and I just… want you to have a good time, is all,” Dean responded quietly, but he pulled her in closer to him and held her just a little bit tighter.

And even as I wander I’m keeping you in sight You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might And I can’t fight this feeling anymore I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for It’s time to bring this ship into the shore And throw away the oars, forever

“So, it’s not to make Lisa jealous?” Y/N was confused, and again, Dean couldn’t help but smile at how cute she was.

“Honestly, sweetheart? I forgot she was even here,” Dean smiled and leaned down to kiss her lips. It remained a closed-mouth kiss, much to her disappointment, but in no way did it feel forced, and hope bloomed in her chest that, just maybe, Dean did have feelings for her.

‘Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for And if I have to crawl upon the floor Come crashing through your door Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.

“Thank you for this, seriously. I would’ve been miserable and would probably either be blind drunk or have left by now if it wasn’t for you. I don’t deserve a friend like you, sweetheart. I really do owe you one,” Dean smiled and leaned down to place a sweet peck on her forehead.

Y/N’s smile dropped as his words sank in, and disappointment settled in her stomach. He still only saw her as a friend. She’d tried not to get her hopes up that this might turn into something real, but as the day went on, she started to think that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about her.

Once again, she reminded herself she wasn’t his type, and they’d never be more than friends. One look at Lisa confirmed that. She knew he’d go looking for someone to spend the night with as soon as he dropped her home tonight because she probably wasn’t even good enough to be his one-night stand.

Part Three >>

Jensen / Dean Tags: @akshi8278 @deanwanddamons @deans-baby-momma @siospins2 @sexyvixen7 @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731

Can’t Fight This Feeling Tags: @lilred91 @seppys-return-to-madness @im-totally-not-dezi @deanoxwinchester

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 21

I was not prepared for the onslaught of emotions overwhelming me, so I froze, it felt wrong kissing Bucky with Steve sleeping just a couple of steps further. I loved two men and I could not bare the thought of hurting either of their feelings, which seemed impossible. Someone would get hurt, it felt inevitable like a train that would run me over any minute now. He felt my hesitation and pulled back, searching my face for answers. I blinked out of my reverie, "I cant do this Buck, it has nothing to do with you but…". Bucky looked hurt as he let go of me, "Steve…I know". He looked at the floor and took a step back from me. He was shaking his head, "This sucks….I dont know what to do Doll…I just know that we cant keep playing this game of hide and seek, you gotta tell him the truth..about everything."

The next morning everyone packed up and we made our way to the Shield facilities in London. Steve and I were busy, helping to find the rest of the Hydra hideouts and Bucky was avoiding me as much as he could. Which was hard because both of us were part of Steves new team called the "Howling Commandos". It was a colorful bunch, made up of the soldiers Steve had saved from the Hydra facility where he had found Bucky.

We were all sitting in a dimly lit pub and even tough we were in the middle of a world war, people seemed cheerful or maybe they were already drunk. I was not big on drinking but I liked the company of these men and they seemed to like me. Most of them I knew by name, considering that I was the one that patched all of them up. I was seated between Dum Dum Dugan, he was an american soldier, and a british guy called James Falsworth. He was a charming guy and whenever he got chocolate in his rations, he would share it with me, as a thank you for patching him up, he had said.

Steve and Bucky were at the bar and talking about something, but it was too loud in here so I could not understand. Suddenly it got really quiet and everyone looked in the same direction and I craned my neck, trying to see what the commotion was all about and then I saw her. It was Agent Carter in a red dress, walking into the pub, going straight for Steve. She looked amazing, like those movie stars in Hollywood, even Bucky and Steve seemed to be impressed as a pang of jealousy hit me. I needed some fresh air, the pub was too stuffy and the cigar smoke was getting too much. I excused myself and went outside for a breather.

I leaned on the lamppost that was infront of the pub, trying to calm down and not let the jealousy get to me. Not long after, I heard steps and Bucky stepped outside with a searching look and smiled when he saw me. "Everything alright?", he asked with a concerned expression. I did not feel like talking and I did not want him to see this side of me, so I just nodded but he did not seem convinced. "She asked him to dance and he told her he was not interested, if thats what you are concerned about", he explained and when I did not respond he started to pace up and down infront of me, he looked frustrated. "This cant go on like this, we have to talk to him about everything. We are at war and all I can think about is you and Steve and this god dam situation.", he looked at me with pleading eyes, like he was waiting for salvation that only I can give him.

"You are right…I know..I will tell him, I promise. I will tell him tomorrow", I told him with a uneasy feeling in my gut. This would change everything and it was probably for the best. Tomorrow came and I walked to the shield office because I knew he would be there, since Howard Stark had said that he had something for Steve and I. I was curious to know why Stark wanted to see us but I was even more nervous about telling Steve the truth. He was already waiting infront of Peggys desk, when I arrived. He was talking to a female shield agent who was clearly flirting with him, but he seemed pretty nonchalant about it, or maybe he was just oblivous.

Swallowing down my jealousy I walked up and greeted them both and leaned on Peggys desk. Stark was running late and I was getting bored so I started to look around and saw that my file was on Peggys desk. I picked it up and flipped through it, it contained my medical information and even stuff about my past. That my family came from italy, that im an only child, my parents name and where I grew up. I landed on a document about my health and vitals before the injections and the stats after the injections. It was nothing new, it was just my weight, blood values, allergies and that sort of thing until I came across a piece of information that pulled the rug out from under my feet. "Subject before infection: pregnant, it will be interesting to see how the injections affect gestation" across from it it only said "Injections were fatal to embryo". I felt dizzy and my stomach contents were making their way up, I dropped the file and held on to the table. Steve must have heard me dry heaving because he made his way over and held my hand, "Whats going on, are you alright?", he looked shocked. I grabbed the paperbasket next to the table and threw up, I was busy puking and did not notice Steve picking up my file.

I could see his face change, the moment he read the piece of information that caused me to puke up the entirety of my stomach. He looked at me in shock "I dont understand….this is your file…how…when?" I wiped my face with a tissue I got out of the box from peggys desk and when Steve saw that I was as white as a ghost, he put the file back and helped me sit down on a chair nearby. He was rubbing my back, trying to calm me down but he must be full of questions, I was not ready to answer. I did want to talk to him today but this was not they way it should have went. I dont know how much time passed before he finally said "Talk to me" and I told him everything.

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

ough i cannot breathe out of my nose and talking and swalloing hurts like satan is dragging his nails down my theoat

time to go to bed me thinks xx

[guppyclato]

Jameson

I don't want you. The words echoed through my mind, through the hall, the house until I couldn't hear anything else.

Somewhere in the distance I heared a meweled scream of despair. The sound of a dying heart. I don't want you. I don't want you. I could see her backing away from my touch and my fingers already ached for her soft, warm skin. Her curly hair, l ran my fingers through so often.

Heiress. I hadn't realized I was on the floor, until my hands gripped the wooden tiles. Avery. Avery Kylie Grambs. My Avery wants mine anymore.

"Come back", wincing at the door was ridiculous, but I didn't care, " Please. I love you." "Please, Heiress", I was only addressing her in my thoughts now. She'd always been able to read my mind, just like I read hers. Maybe, if she just saw the pain...

The pain was unbearable. I didnt feel anything other than yearning emptiness. A wave of nothing swalloing me up. I felt nothing - like nothing. Still it hurt so hard my body was physically shaking.

Please, Heiress. "Jamie!" My brother manifested next to me. At first, I couldnt tells which one it was. The world was faint in an Avery formed hole in my self.

"Jameson, what happened?" Nash. His hands were on my shoulders. I barley felt them. "Calm me Jamie" My voice came out dead. "Not Jameson."

"I heared you screaming" Nash pulled my hands from the ground. I let him. I was too empty to do anything at all. So it had been me who was screaming. Interesting.

"She's gone." I shattered on the confession. Grayson came sitting by my other side, the two of them exchanged a few words too quiet for me to catch up. Not that I cared. What did I care on some stupid chat between Nash and Gray? I wondered when. Avery would come to see what was wrong.

Until it became clear she wouldn't come. Never again. The disgust in her eyes when she'd looked at me would haunt me for the rest of my life. I didn't care, at least I would see her that way. See her look at me as the piece of nothing I was and had always been. No wonder she'd wanted Grayson.

"That's not true, Jameson" Grayson said forcefully, then corrected himself. "Jamie." I hadn't meant to say those words out loud, but what did it matter?

"What happened with Avery, Jamie?" Nash pushed softly. "She doesn't want me." I could say it. There was no point in denying that the one thing had happened, I knew would happen someday. She'd see who I was and she would know she deserved better. I couldn't blame her. How could I? My heiress wasn't mine anymore. Never had been.

"She hates me. " It wasn't me speaking. It was someone else - someone dead inside my body. "She could never hate you", Nash replied firmly. I let the words lull me. They were too good for this world. Had been my world, until-

I didn't know how much time had passed. Hours? Seconds? Years?

"She does", Jameson quirked and I flinched. I didn't want him that there. He was dying - dead. And all he left was Jamie. Hollow. Empty. A nothing. A fool. A little boy with too big dreams.

I'd sworn myself not to get attached the way I had with Emily and ohh. I let out a strangled laugh. I wasn't attached. Attached would consist having something else to be. But I wasn't. I was, but it was trivial. Worthless. Jamie.

[mlmxreader]

All For a Couple of Eggs | William Guarnere x m!reader

@satan-incarnate-666 asked: can i pls request

"This was your idea, don't forget" + "Oh, great, he's gonna kill us both"

and "That's my shirt, not yours"

for guarnere x male reader? ty ily /p

summary: Bill has a great idea, it's just a shame it doesn't work.

tws: swearing, gun mentions, violence/death mentions

Bill clenched his jaw as he pressed his back against the the ditch a little more, counting seconds as he wondered where the fuck you were; it had seemed like a good idea at the time, to steal some chicken eggs from a nearby farm just so that, for once, you didn't have to eat that ration quality bullshit they usually served. Real eggs. Just the thought alone made his stomach growl as he kept his gun close and listened closely; in the distance, the sounds of gunfire and grenades were easily heard. The sounds of tanks and mortars made the ground shake, the screams of dying men calling out for their mothers, their fathers. It was easy to hear the destruction of buildings, the crashing of stone and brick against already scarred lands. Bill pushed himself up, just able to take a quick look above the ditch as he glanced around; there was no sign of you, but maybe that was a good thing. Easy Company knew your regiment well, and they knew that you were a damn good sniper. Being hidden was kind of the point.

He lowered himself again, swallowing thickly and doing his best to listen out for you; maybe you were taking it slow, so that the eggs didn't break. It was unlikely that you had been caught, Bill knew that; when he first met you during training, when your countrymen had met up with his so that you could get to know one another, understand who you were fighting alongside, Bill knew you were a damn good soldier. He didn't doubt it for a second. But still, the ditch was getting colder, he could feel it through the dampness of his uniform, wet trousers and a wet shirt thanks to the damp and muddy conditions; winter never was much fun, especially in the middle of a war where the choices were risking frostbite or getting shot by fascists. Bill shivered, clenching his jaw a little tighter as he let out a soft growl; there had been dozens of stories of this kind of thing already. Men dying in ditches and foxholes, just from the cold alone.

A shot from a shotgun rang out, louder than the rest, and Bill pulled himself up again, furrowing his brows.

"He fucking caught me!"

He wanted to laugh, but when he saw you running, Bill readied his gun; you were drawing nearer, running as if your ass had been set on fire, yet cradling your bag like it was the most precious thing on earth. Another shot squealed, but you didn't go down, didn't flinch, and when you got to the edge of the ditch, an angry farmer trudged back home with his shotgun on his shoulder.

Panting heavily, you gently rested the bag on the ground, and grinned. "I got it."

"You also nearly got killed," Bill pointed out.

"Yeah, well, this was your idea, don't forget," you told him. "You were the one that suggested we nick some eggs from the farmer."

"Are you hurt?"

"No," you picked up the bag again, cradling it in your arms as you sighed heavily and gestured for him to get out of the ditch. "C'mon, before anyone notices we're missing."

Bill fell into step beside you, not particularly worried about whether or not you would get hurt; he didn't need to be, he didn't have to be. You were the best damn sniper of your regiment, you were a better soldier than he was, you were certainly a man who could look after himself. Still, he couldn't deny it, the thought of you getting hurt, or worse, never did sit right with him; it made his stomach churn and a lump of vomit form in his throat, burning the sides of it. If you had gotten hurt, he would have hunted down every fascist cunt responsible and he would have made sure they were hurt ten times as much before he even considered killing them.

Still, when you got back to camp, and you saw Winters and Nixon waiting for you, you swallowed thickly; you looked at Nixon, pleading, but he shook his head.

"What are you looking at me like that for, Corporal?"

You hung your head, your hand finding its way to Bill's as you sighed, waiting to be chewed out.

"You stole eggs from a farmer," Winters said upon looking inside the bag. "Why didn't you just ask if you could have some?"

Bill cleared his throat. "We didn't thought-"

"Try letting us do that for you next time," Nixon shook his head, rolling his eyes as he glared at Winters. "How much did they steal?"

"Oh, great, he's gonna kill us both," you muttered, but when you met Winters' stern gaze, you smiled a little. "I'm sorry, lieutenant. It won't happen again."

"You got enough here to feed everybody," he said quietly, nodding in disappointed approval. "I'll take it to the cook. But don't do it again."

You were dismissed alongside Bill, trudging back to your makeshift accomodation; it wasn't much, just a bedroll and a few folded up scraps of laundry that made up the pillows, but it was something, and although it was cold, when you and Bill laid down, you could at least share your warmth.

He found himself against your side in no time, his breath shaky from the cold as he slung one arm and his leg over you, keeping you as close as he could as he tried not to shiver. "At least they didn't kill us."

"That's not a good thing," you laughed. "We're in deep shit."

"Winters will give us a pass," Bill scoffed. "He's not a hard-ass, he's more like a dad."

"Still," you grumbled, but when you got a good look at his shirt, you frowned. "That's my shirt, not yours... it's even got the fucking name tag on the inside of the collar."

"Well, maybe you should stop putting your stuff with mine all the time," he joked, and although you didn't want to, you couldn't help but to laugh.

"First, you get me in trouble with your commanding officer," you started, "then, you steal my clothes. What next?"

"I'd say steal your heart, but I've already done that," he mused. "Maybe I might write ya one of them Dear Babe letters."

"You're an ass," you chuckled softly, shaking your head. "What are you gonna do when I go back to my own country, huh?"

"I'm gonna go with you," he grinned. "And then bring you back to Philly with me."

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

[vintagesewingmachine]

wisdome teeth taken. the bottom of.mu facw feels like a plushed animal when i touched it. i remember i woke uo.while they were stiching me and i tried to talk tk them about it but i cant remember what was saying!! i think i told them i watch surgery videos bc im going to be a doctor. i know i was talkijg to them through the sedation like a seal popping through a hole in the artic ice. they thoight i was funny i think or maybe justvweord about my collextion of human teeth. hello?? my tongue hurts and i cant swallo bc of the gauze im biting on. they were all so nice to me :) rate this surgery 10/10 it was kinda fun i feel nice still but i think the sedatitves will wear off and i may not be so nice then

[bearcina]

Distracted

A Huxley/Ophelia Amana ficlet

Dubcon!

Hurt at the ARMS building, Ophelia is stitched back up by a special girl she found locked away. She had the sinking feeling she walked into some sort of trap when Huxley made eye contact with her.

This BOLT-thing better be worth it. Ophelia thought, pulling her handkerchief out of the pocket of her tight black pants. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and pushed her goggles up onto the top of her head.

It was blisteringly hot out under Halcyon, and she was sweating something fierce.

She peered around the corner of the ARMS building, spotting the marauders milling around it. Just two.

Ophelia groaned, it would be easy enough if she went full guns blazing with her light machine gun, but at the cost of her ammo.

Maybe this BOLT is some sort of powerful weapon, maybe something better than this? Should I give this to Sanjar at all?

She could get a good jump on the group, full throttle assault- loud, hard, and fast. Her favorite way.

Her heart was pounding, she peered back around, and shook herself back to attention.

Ophelia opened fire. Then the marauders did.

Ophelia set her heavy gun down, panting and sweaty with blood splattered on her boots. She groaned and pressed down on the bullet wound on her hip. It hurt and sent her ears ringing.

She looked over at the comm panel on the wall, the red light on it was lit up, someone was using it. Underneath the ringing she could hear a pleading feminine voice, but the words all morphed together.

She blinked the purple away. Her heart was beating faster.

She limped over to the panel, and pressed her bloody hand to the button, “Hello? Are you okay?” Ophelia grabbed her handkerchief and wiped her bloody handprint off, then wiped her hands.

“Oh, gosh! Finally! Could you open the door please?” The voice blubbered in response, giddy and embarrassed. “I got up here and the door shut and locked behind me!”

Ophelia blinked at the speaker, processing the words. She patted her pockets for a mag-pick.

“Yeah… Just a minute.” She groaned.

She pressed the pick to the lock, and twitched her wrist to crack it open.

The door slid open with a heavy clunk and hiss of hydraulics.

Standing there was a pink-haired girl, dressed similarly to Ophelia herself.

She had tight black pants, a yellow shirt with a black protective vest, and a few pieces of light armor atop it. There was even a large orange kerchief around her neck, very charming!

Ophelia blinked up at her, and hesitantly smiled back at the girl. What a cutie!

“You don’t look too great there, looks like you need some help of your own!” The mystery girl exclaimed, reaching down and pulling her up into the room.

She ushered Ophelia to sit down in the corner on a cozy bedroll. She fluttered about the room, finding a few syringes of Adreno that had rolled under a shelving unit.

She hasn’t even given me her name! Ophelia thought. Her ears were still ringing and her vision was purplish again. At least she found someone friendly, thank the void.

The strange girl bent over to search her bag, eventually pulling out a bottle of Spectrum Red vodka, half drunk already. She turned around with a grin stretching from ear to ear and a bundle of makeshift pieces for a medkit.

“Okay, let’s see!”

The girl dropped to her knees beside Ophelia, and set her supplies down. She swatted Ophelia’s messy red hands away from the spot she was trying to keep pressure.

It was then apparent to both of them that her pants had to come off, and the stranger smiled even more.

“Huh!? Wait, wait!” Ophelia yelped, “Who are you?” She asked. The girl was already unbuckling her meager leather armor pieces with ease. Ophelia had been shot in the hip, the bullet still inside- but her pink-haired helper wanted to get even closer.

“Oh! Right! I’m Huxley, or Hux if you’d like!” Huxley said, swinging a leg over Ophelia’s thighs. She pushed Ophelia down with a feather-light touch. She knelt over her and pushed her hands away again.

Ophelia swallowed hard, propping up on her elbows again. Huxley’s pink hair brushed her forehead. She was so close. Ophelia could still smell her shampoo, it was Earthy and a little like strawberry jam.

Huxley’s delicate hands were wandering all over Ophelia’s body, unbuckling and removing every piece of armor… Her touches were featherlight and there wasn’t a place she hadn’t touched; Ophelia didn’t even complain when her breasts were squeezed, Huxley just kept humming away and touching.

Ophelia was laying there with her pants unbuttoned, unzipped, and all her armor was off.

“Well, I’m delighted to meet you, Huxley.” Ophelia said. She looked down at the bloody mess that was her hip, embarrassed that Huxley was planning on at least pulling her pants down enough to treat the wound.

“I, ah, appreciate the help. I’m Ophelia.” She night as well get close to the ditzy girl, charmed by her fun and playful energy.

“Oh, it’s really no problem! It’s the least I could do since you opened the door, I’ve been in here for at least a day!” Huxley said. She swiftly pulled the pants down while humming a tune, and frowned at Ophelia’s bloody panties.

“Um… I think we’re going to need to get you also out of those…” Huxley sheepishly stated, running her hands nervously up the inside of Ophelia’s naked thighs. Her hands stilled suddenly, fingertips barely brushing her clothed cunt.

Ophelia swallowed hard again, embarrassment welling up in her chest and turning her face red-hot. She nodded slowly, biting back a desperate plea for her to keep going. It was already bad enough that she was letting a stranger touch her, it would be worse if she admitted and asked for more.

Huxley inched the red panties down, joining her pants on the floor. The two shared a glance, both blushing hard and clamming up.

Huxley took her time, digging out the bullet with her pocketknife. She then rinsed the wound out with the vodka, stitched it back up, and looked back up at Ophelia with a shy smile.

“Let’s get this Adreno in you, you’ll feel right as rain tomorrow!” Huxley smiled, holding up two cloudy syringes. “You might feel a little sleepy though, you look really pale.”

Ophelia sighed, and wiggled away, trying to inch farther from the needles. She didn’t like shots.

“I think I’ll be fine without-“ Ophelia stammered. She was cut off by Huxley’s warm hand inching back up her thigh… this time there wouldn’t be any panties in the way.

”H-Hux?” Ophelia whimpered, her knees trembling. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach. Huxley smiled at her innocently.

Ophelia suddenly had the feeling of being a trapped animal when they shared eye contact.

The strange girl inched closer, tucking the two syringes between her breasts. She gently parted Ophelia’s shaking knees and settled between them.

“Oh, gosh, are you nervous?” Huxley asked, cocking her head. Her hands were starting to travel back up.

Ophelia nodded instinctually- wincing sheepishly when she realized it. She never was the best with needles, always opting to use it in her medical inhaler instead.

“I can help with that.” The pink haired girl giggled. She bent over the Captain, smiling sweetly. “I bet you won’t even realize it until tomorrow.”

Ophelia paused, confused by her words. At least, she was, until Huxley swooped in for a tender kiss. She whimpered, bringing her trembling arms up to loop around her neck.

Huxley grabbed a dose from between her breasts and swiftly administered the healing dose right into the wound she just treated.

Ophelia jolted, whimpering at the sting of the medicine. She tried to shut her legs, pulling away and scrunching up her face.

Huxley frowned at that, recapping the needle and discarding the syringe.

“No, you gotta stay still, Ophelia!” She huffed, shoving her legs back apart and pulling her closer. “How about…” Huxley then cupped Ophelia’s soaking mound with her hand, smiling again at her broken, needy moan.

“…this?” Huxley giggled, her palm rubbed Ophelia’s clit. She slowly sank two fingers into the soaking heat, relishing the sight of the Captain come undone.

Ophelia panted, her vision swimming from the all-encompassing assault. The pain of the wound, sting of Adreno, and sticky pleasure from her cunt. She slumped back onto the bedroll when Huxley started to pull her fingers out and push back in.

Huxley took her chance to administer the second shot. Ophelia didn’t even notice, only squeezing Huxley’s fingers tighter.

“Great! Now we can get to the fun part! I’ll get to have all sorts of fun with you now that we’re all done with the first aid!”

[baekhvuns]

YOU'RE RIGHT!! I TAKE ONE LEAVE AND THE EARTH MEETS THE SKY 😭

No ok let me explain, this is so embarassing, I have a small shelf where I keep my phone, and unfortunately it's near the bathtub, like it's on the wall where the bathtub is and I'm usually very careful and I usually decide on all my songs beforehand and keep it there BUT THT DAY IDK MAYBE IT WAS CUZ I WAS SICK? BUT I SAT IN THE BATHTUB WHILE SEARCHING THE SONG AND IT SLIPPED FRM MY HANDS (I like dangerous things ig?)

Yes, I found the song. "My everything" played as i held the half alive body of my phone in my hand but it survived. Credits to the song man! But my mom scolded me so much 😭 and everyone teamed up on me, talk about being the youngest! But my dad and i ate mid night snacks as i rambled on abt how it wasn't my fault (it was) 😁

OMG YES ANONS COME BACK WERE LONELY it's actually so cute how we've created a small family like saur happy!!! 🙌

And I just read secretary's escape. 26 episodes, done in one day. do i want you to write hwa like seungjo? Yes. Will I enjoy if he was written like tht? Yes, yes I will. I'll enjoy...every. bit. of. it.

Bcz I'm smitten, I'm in too deep, I'm gone, I'm not even here baby, I'm a hallucination. Such an impact....who's making this a drama? Oh and I had a whole reaction on it, like I wrote every little thing I felt and I will share it, mind you. So you better be prepared!!

I literally have it saved as "webtoon annotation" 😭😭

U were right, I've come back to my my roots. WAIT THT ONE SONG THT GOES "BABY IM YOURS, BABY IM YOURS" :0 NO WONDER! I LOVE EVERY E2L U WRITE! U told me abt ur formula 😭 I caught on it, how first we meet hwa, then we fight, loads of it but nothing serious just bickering, and among all tht we don't even realise we fall in love, then either yn or hwa fucks up, and we kinda go back to stage 2 but this time...very serious. And then someone b/w us has to apologize and we finally let the other person in (Bcz of Kai ofc, tht man never comes to play).

The whole transition to fall from summer rlly makes my throat act up fr fr. Wait u had a sore throat too? It's like tht for everyone, I was just sitting studying on my desk then i felt something stingy in my throat and i thought maybe it was cuz I was quite for too long...but then i realised it hurt to swallow and i, in fact had caught a cold 😔 so sad. I hope u take care of yourselves too.

I better sleep, it's like 1, here or mum will scold me again saying how I don't rest when I hv to. HOW DO I EXPLAIN IT TO HER THT MANHWA'S ARE IMP 😭. anyways I'll manage gn ❤️❤️

LMFAOOOO THIS IS SO FUNNY WHGRBKWHD

this all i have to say to the bathtub story

LMFAOOOO UR RIGHT WHY DOES EVERYONE GANG UP ON THE YOUNGEST STOP THATS SO CUTE 😭😭😭 PEAK MEMORY MOMENT im imaging you two, it’s late night, it’s dark and the only thing that’s lit up is both y’all’s body by the fridge’s light and you guys are just snacking up while you explain to your dad and he pretends to listen 😭😭

RIGHT PLS ANONS COME BACK LEMME SEE UR FACES right!! it’s like a small little town in baekhvunsland i hope y’all rmr u have to pay ur rent and that is by coming into my inbox 🔫 some of u are mad over due 🔫

OMFBBFKWJDKW U READ IT FBNWNFKD CRYING SCREAMING no bc. listen to me. i have a hwa ceo fic ok. he’s a very intimidating boss in it. and it kinda fits him and seungjo’s character

crying this is from last year 😭😭

that is my exact reaction. u get me. im all ears anytime babes

YES THAT EXACT SONG FJQNDKW ITS SO I SAW A VIDEO ON IT SAYING “imagine this plays as the enemies pin each other” and my mind said mr and mrs park. LMFAOOOO NOT U EXPOSING LIKE THIS FJWKDJWK KAI WILL FORVER BE MENTIONED IN MY FICS I AINT LETTING THAT FUCKER LEAVE he’s the therapist for readers and the yn ngl he’s coming over and he’s rover

right!! there’s a weird thing in the air these days, yes i did!!! i have a runny nose atm, rainy seasons and thunderstorms are arriving in my city 😭😭 IT HURT TO SWALLO GIRL WHEJ U ACCIDENTALLY WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND SWALLOW AND YOURE DYING BC IT SCRATCHES i also swallowed in my sleep and i felt the pain in my dream ,,, im much better now thank u!!! pls take care of yourself and your god damn phone plis

LMFAOOOO it’s one over here for me fbwmbfsm readings webtoons ☺️☺️☺️

omg you’ve read the remarried empress right? navier’s brother is so 🫠 HOW. HOW.

[prilovity]

Phew

What a ride it has been. Crazy highs and rock bottom lows. I’m stuck in between where there is no energy. The eye of the storm - fake security. But it gives me time to breathe. To reflect. To regret. 

I don’t even know where to start. My perspective on life has changed significantly. For better? I cannot say. Irreversible? For sure. Is it over yet? I really hope and fear so at the same time.

It’s like my mirror shattered and behind it there’s a new one, that was covered. And now I see for real where my flaws, where my annoyances, where my wounds are. It’s not as shiny and not as stable. It has cracks here and there and the glass is blurry. I try to recognize myself, but I’m ugly, tired, and a shadow of myself. I take the shards as if to glue them back. My old me looks at me with pity and contempt, am I now the incarnation of nothing I ever was. A worse me.

I motivate myself by affirmation, some things need to break to heal, but in the end, I don’t believe myself.

I’ve been in those emotional states before, but without power. Now I have too much at hand and don’t know what to do with this rifle of emotional load, mean thoughts, and destructive energy.

What do I have to prove? Where is all this ballast from? And how do I get rid of it for good?

When I was younger, I didn’t speak, I swalloed everything and lied to myself, by convincing myself I knew all the answers. By being the fucking samariter. Not gossiping, smiling, and giving without wanting anything in return. But inside I was so detached until I decided to write, insult, and destroy. And I made other like-wise decisions just now. I decide to be mean, to feel empowered. I decide to hurt to see my worth. I let myself be provoked and accuse others for my emotional state. I’m self-centered. What kept me in balance these last years?

I thought I had life figured out. I had all the answers. And now? I have nothing but unresolved questions, efforts, circles of thoughts, path endings, doubts, and despair of ever finding back or anything comparable.

How though? Was I really out of love? Have I decided wrong? Did I convince myself again? Was I blinded by hormones, love, or past emptiness?

My values are:

- honesty

- fairness

- warmth

- tenderness

- humor

What exactly does this translate to?

Honesty - I want to will talk about my emotions, thoughts, behavior. I want to will tell when I’m not okay, when I don’t feel like going. I want to will speak up to my friends, make myself visible with my flaws and imperfections. I will have difficult conversations and share my doubts.

Fairness - Once I’m honest with me and my life, others have the chance to see me as I am, turn away or stay. Just as I don’t want to be fooled, I won’t fool anybody about my intentions, thoughts, and motivations.

Warmth - I will give my heart to the world (we live in a beautiful world), I will love others (show them their worth), I will love myself (’cause I’m pretty awesome), and I will care and show up.

Tenderness - I will be gentle with people around me. I know life can be hard, and I won’t be adding to that stress. I am tender and will make the world a better place.

Humor - This world is absurd. I will remind everyone how absurd. And I will create laughter and ease. Life is hard enough. I will be remembered by making it a bit lighter.

[noiirem00n]

MY THROAT HURTS AND QHY I SWALLO MY THROAT HURTS AND WHEN I SNEEZE MY THROAT HURYS EVEN MORE