#but it’s cheap easy materials for practice

[nerdierholler]

Attempt number two. Now it dries overnight and hopefully tomorrow I can glue in the text block.

[wileys-russo]

the royal box II l.williamson

i think this is genuinely up there with one of my favourite fics i've ever written the royal box II l.williamson

"i'd love to do lunch! i should probably find my seat soon but maybe next week? i'll get my agent to text me my calendar." you smiled, kissing the girls cheek and clinking your drink against hers in goodbye as you turned back to the bar.

not having seen her since you'd walked your first runway years ago it never ceased to amaze you how small the world could seem at these type of events, truly never knowing who you'd run into next, most of them a pleasant surprise.

"shame they let anybody in here now, for a royal box it’s really going downhill." but that voice, that raspy tone and infuriatingly attractive accent, that voice was not a pleasant surprise, in fact it was anything but.

"leah." you didn't even need to turn to look at her as she appeared beside you, nursing a drink of her own as the pair of you watched the pre set warm ups commence on the court below, stood together at a large crystal clear double paneled window right by the bar.

"well it can't be that royal of a box if you're here. unless they invited you because you're a royal pain in the ass?" you met her gaze with a fake smile, sipping at your drink as she puffed air from her nose.

"well you never seemed to complain when i was touching your ass darling." she quipped back smugly as you finished your drink with a fake chuckle, reaching over to place the empty glass on the bar top.

you hadn't seen her in months and yet it felt like only yesterday those same bright eyes had been locked with yours, often at any and all hours of the night and rarely ever stone cold sober as you'd roll around in bed together.

but swallowing the past you plastered a polite smile on your face and turned back to her. “lovely of your dad to let you borrow his suit, though it could have been tailored a little better-” you gently knocked your foot against hers, heel dragging up the edge of her pants that indeed were a centimeter or two too long to reveal her ankles.

"-then again, might be best to hide those shoes. did you loan those from your grandad?" you grimaced, leah kicking your foot away with a scowl, necking the last of her own drink.

“well speaking of hiding what a lovely change for you to put on a dress that isn't two sizes too small and soaked in cheap tequila and regret." the blonde smiled charmingly reaching over your shoulder to put her empty glass down next to yours, gesturing to the bartender that she'd like another.

"then again i know thats all about easy access for you, isn't it?" leah smirked as your eyes narrowed but still the fake smile remained on your lips.

“i seem to remember you never minded. less material to rip off and toss on your floor first, then throw at my face once we were done and you wanted me to leave, right?” you retorted back, not missing the way her eyes dipped up and down to check you out.

“do I have a glow about me? i’ve just been getting so much more beauty sleep without the needy calls at three in the morning.” leah questioned, patting her cheeks gently with a smug glint in her eyes as you laughed politely.

“no i was actually going to suggest you try a new eye cream, anti aging maybe? and these frown lines…yikes. then there’s those angry little eyebrows-” your finger wiggled around in front of her face pointing things out, lips curling upward at the way the smug humor was promptly wiped from her features.

“at least my eyebrows are real.” leah was quick to bite, jaw muscles visibly clenching as you chuckled, not at all ashamed of the fact you got yours tattooed, something leah used to find endlessly fascinating.

“well in my defense i have had a lot of practice faking things, haven't i?” you grinned watching her jaw tense even more, knowing exactly which kinks in her armor to poke at to get a reaction even after all this time had passed.

"please. i know you miss me!" leah's eyes rolled cockily as you laughed sarcastically. “aw is that what you have to tell yourself to feel better? baby I haven’t missed you at all.” you promised as her eyes now rolled.

“yeah you wish, i’ve missed you even less.”

“did dad do your tie for you as well or have we learned how to do it ourselves by now?” you pouted mockingly, reaching over and tightening the knot of her tie as she pushed your hands away and quickly tugged it back looser again.

“booked any genuine campaigns yet or is mummy still flashing the nepotism card to get you on the runway?” leah pouted right back as you scoffed and she grinned, also knowing exactly where to poke at you to get what she wanted.

“please like you don’t stalk my socials, i see you watching my stories.” you snickered, eyes drifting away from her and back down to the court where things seemed to be about to start.

“you think about me so much you feel the need to check? do you post things hoping i'll see them? aw baby girl that’s so sweet of you.” leah cooed pinching your cheek as you smacked her hand off you with a glare.

“don’t call me that.” you warned, hating the glee which filled her face at your obvious discontent, cursing yourself internally for allowing her to see as much.

“oh i'm sorry, struck a nerve did i? good girl, is that better?” leah leaned in closer to whisper, lips grazing your ear as she grabbed a fresh drink from the bar and retracted, the hair on the back of your neck standing to attention.

you kept quiet at that, turning away from her and ordering a new drink of your own with a polite smile, still feeling her eyes on your back as she made no move to leave.

"surely there's some doe eyed idiot with a complex for athletes that you can go swoon with the stories of you kicking things to boost your microsized ego?" you rolled your eyes hearing her chuckle and move to lean against the bar right beside you again.

"footballs. kicking footballs, never could learn the rules or the lingo could you? or maybe you just pretend not to know so i'll explain to you over and over and over, always giving you the attention you want so badly." leahs finger swiped at your nose as you gave her a hard look and shoved at her shoulder.

"speaking of idiots, will that wet mop with teeth and a combover you call a boyfriend be joining us?” leah questioned, spinning around so her back leant against the bar top and her eyes scanned the room, everyone slowly filing out to find their seats.

"you really have been keeping tabs." you glanced up at her with a small smirk as she chose not to acknowledge your statement.

“but no he’s probably off partying in magaluf or ibiza spreading some sort of sexually transmitted disease, waving his little dick around and shoving it into everything that moves.” you rolled your eyes with disdain at the mention of your anything but loyal ex, the boy having slept with more women just while he was with you than you think you had your entire lifetime.

"ahh i see, ex boyfriend then. did he catch the sti from you? or was it one pregnancy scare too many that pushed the unwilling father to be away.” leah smirked though she felt you stiffen beside her and suddenly alarm bells went off in her head that maybe she'd taken things just a step too far.

"fuck you leah." you didn't even hang around to wait for your drink, giving the taller girl one final venomous look which made her stomach drop before you were storming off away from her to find your seat.

it had happened when you least expected it.

you'd not seen leah for a couple of weeks as she was on camp for england, but nothing about your hook ups regular or scheduled and certainly not monogamous you'd busied yourself seeing other people.

this night in particular it had been a rather handsome male model you'd been on a shoot with, accepting his offer of dinner and drinks once you'd wrapped for the day, raised never to say no to a free meal or a hot date.

one thing lead to another and later that night you found yourself in a club packed with blurred faceless bodies, surrounded by strangers and drowning yourself in shots to the point you didn't even remember leaving and going home with him.

there was however one thing that was burned into your mind, the biggest regret of your life as the condom had broke while the two of you were going at it.

normally you were always careful and you'd never be this stupid but the boy dismissing it himself you'd been far too drunk to disagree as he made no move to pull out.

not even getting to have a release yourself it had been a gloriously underwhelming seven minutes before he was satisfied and then suddenly too tired to return the favor.

again with potentially more cheap vodka in your system than blood you'd passed out beside him, spending the night in his bed and waking up hours later with a pounding headache and a deep rooted shame as you sat up and slivers of last night flickered through your mind.

grabbing your clothes you quickly dressed and fled his house, no idea where you were as you sat on his front steps and bounced your knee, the shame spreading through your body quickly morphing into anxiety as your fight or flight kicked in.

knowing there was one person who would answer this time of morning you clicked call, phone held to your ear and skin crawling with disgust as you prayed she would come through.

sure enough after only a few rings the dial tone clicked and you heard a yawn. "this is unusually early for a hook up even for you, what you need and miss me this badly?" the teasing tone and snicker died in her mouth hearing how you spoke her name.

"leah." you could barely get it out without crying, covering your mouth as reality set in and the blonde on the other end sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes and trying to wake herself up properly.

"whats happened? whats wrong?" the concern in her voice was lost on you as you took a shaky breath. "can you come pick me up please? i don't know where i am but i can send you my location." you asked quietly, leah already out of bed and rummaging around for her car keys.

"yeah send it now, i'll be there soon."

you'd moved away from his house lingering on the curb out front when you heard her pull up, standing to your feet and hurrying to her car just wanting to get as far away from here as possible.

leah had intended to get out of the car to check on you but you were already up and opening the passenger door, sliding into her car and avoiding her gaze as you buckled yourself in.

"you alright?" leah asked cautiously voice thick with sleep, taking in your disheveled appearance and oddly quiet manner with a frown. "i'm fine." you muttered quietly, fiddling with your hands in your lap as you stared down at the floor.

"did something happen?" leah asked carefully though you knew what she meant, a gentle nudge to your side having her offering you a bottle of water she'd quickly grabbed from her fridge as she flew out the door.

"can you take me to a pharmacy please? there's one open about ten minutes from here." you asked after accepting the water with a quiet thank you, leah hesitating for a moment which you felt.

"leah, please." you finally looked up and met her gaze, silence filling the car as the blondes eyes raked over you. "actually don't worry i should have just called an uber or something i'm sorry." you shook your head, moving to unclip your seatbelt as leahs hand shot to grab yours.

"no, please i really don't want you in an uber by yourself right now. put the address in and i'll take you." leah promised softly, squeezing your hand and waiting until you nodded to let go, starting the car back up as you typed the address into her gps system.

there wasn't another word exchanged between the pair of you, leah focused on the road and your own gaze trained out the window, occasionally taking small sips of the cold bottle of water clenched in your hand.

"you don't need to come in, i can find my way home from here." you unclipped yourself as leah pulled up outside the small block of shops where the twenty four seven pharmacy was.

"thank you leah." you spoke sincerely and softly, leaning across the console to kiss her cheek, slipping out of the car before the blonde could even get a word out.

she sat there stumped for a second watching your figure disappear into the pharmacy, shaking her head and hurrying to unclip her own belt, turning off the car and hurrying in after you.

"leah what-" you looked up in surprise as she appeared beside you, crinkle of confusion in your eyebrows as the blonde opened and closed her mouth a few times.

"sunglasses! i need sunglasses and...pads?" she floundered around for an excuse, grabbing a pair of shades off the rack in front of you and slipping them on with an awkward smile.

you couldn't help but chuckle, seeing what she was doing but appreciating it none the less. "thank you." you smiled, leah nodding and darting off to grab the pads she had no intention of using as you waited for the pharmacist.

"what can i get for you love?" the older woman eventually appeared in front of you as you shifted uncomfortably. "can i get the morning after pill please?" you asked quietly, not missing the judgement that flashed across her face though it was gone as soon as it appeared.

you jumped at a loud clatter behind you glancing over your shoulder to see a flustered looking leah scrambling to clean up the pile of baby formula tins she'd just knocked over, sunglasses still covering her eyes.

"sorry! sorry! i just...i got this." leah motioned to the tins, cheeks flushed bright red in embarrassment as you bit the inside of your own cheek to hide a smile, hearing the pharmacist sigh.

"is this pill for yourself or someone else?" the woman asked in a monotone, kindness drained from her voice as the same cocktail of shame, anxiety and disgust leapt into your mouth like bile.

"myself."

"have you considered all of your options?" the woman asked again as you frowned with confusion. "my options?" you questioned as again the woman sighed as if you were doing her a grave disservice.

"your options. have you taken a test? seen a doctor? do you know if you are actually pregnant?" the woman raised an eyebrow as your mouth opened and closed a few times, caught off guard by the questions.

"excuse me? it is literally called the morning after pill. how would she have had time to go see a doctor and take a test? not that any of that is your business." leah was suddenly beside you, sunglasses pushed onto her forehead and signature scowl on her face.

"well i-"

"exactly. so can you please get her the fucking pill? legally i don't think she's required to do anything than prove she's of age to purchase it." leah warned seriously as the womans eyes widened and she nodded, quickly rummaging around behind her.

"here." she placed it down in front of you and rang you up, your phone tapping to pay as leah stared the woman down firmly. "thank you." the blonde smiled though it didn't reach her eyes, the two of you quickly making your way out of the store and back to leahs car.

"seems all i'm doing today is saying thank you." you smiled hovering by her car, leah dismissing it with a small wave. "you might need to wait and take that in a little bit though." leah gestured for you to get into the car as she rounded to her own side.

"why?" you asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she started up the engine, arm draped across the back of your seat looking over her shoulder with a grin.

"well because i just realised i didn't pay for these sunglasses."

"we're at your place?" you questioned later as the blonde pulled into her driveway and cut the engine off. you'd already taken the pill during the drive, missing the way leahs eyes flickered to you every few minutes to check you were okay.

"yeah i figured you probably shouldn't be by yourself, just in case theres any side effects or anything." leah brushed it off as you nodded slowly, genuinely too tired and hungover to find an argument.

you followed her out of the car and into her home, finding it strange to be stood here in broad daylight and uncertain of what was to come, awkwardly wrapping your arms around yourself.

"do you want a shower?" leah offered as you glanced down and realised you really could use one, the thought of being able to wash off the remnants of last night too tempting to turn down.

"yeah that would be great, thank you."

you exhaled heavily as you exited leahs shower already feeling better, finding a bundle of clean clothes waiting at the door for you to change into.

you couldn't help but inhale as you wiggled yourself into her clothes, drowned in the scent of leahs expensive perfume and green apple body wash, unable to deny the comfort it strangely provided you.

"all good?" leah asked as you appeared, the girl also unable to deny the weird way her stomach twisted seeing you clad in her clothes. "yeah your water pressure is insane." you chuckled making her grin, licking a dollop of jam off her thumb.

"thought you might want something to eat but i haven't exactly done my groceries yet." leah offered you a plate of toast, slight pink blush in her cheeks, something you'd not seen from the footballer the entire time you'd known her.

"its perfect." you assured, ignoring the urge to tease her for blushing knowing the girl had practically saved you today and you owed her a great debt of gratitude.

"do you want to watch something?" leah offered, thumb pointing to the lounge as you nodded, following her over here as you sat down, leah right beside you with her own plate and grabbing the remote.

"is that...just plain bread?" you asked, amusement present in your features at the blondes choice of breakfast. "yeah, so?" she scoffed defensively as you raised your hands up in surrender.

"nothing...the stomach wants what it wants." you laughed, leah kicking you playfully and grabbing her plate, settling back into the lounge and propping her sock covered feet onto the coffee table.

"you watch this?" you asked with surprise as she flicked on last nights episode of big brother. "you don't?" she questioned with a mouthful of bread as you grimaced and knocked your knee into hers.

"of course i do, just didn't picture englands captain wasted her time on trashy reality tv!" you teased taking a bite of your toast as she shrugged, reaching behind her to grab a blanket off the back of the lounge, putting down her plate and gesturing for you to put your arms up as she draped it across the two of you.

"might be a god in the bedroom but i am still human." she winked as you jokingly gagged and she pulled a face, settling back down and munching on her plain bread as a comfortable silence fell between the pair of you.

you weren't sure when you fell asleep but you awoke several hours later dazed and confused. you tensed realising you weren't alone, an arm draped across your midsection as you groggily rubbed your eyes, blinking a few times and coming to.

you quickly realised it was leah draped across you, a mess of blonde hair covering her face as it was tucked into your shoulder, her arm slung tightly across your midsection, other hand intertwined with yours as you realised your fingers were interlocked.

you felt weird, no-you felt good. it felt strangely right to be in this foreign position with her and that was terrifying, the subtle and warm and welcoming domesticity of the situation filled you with dread and with fear.

you couldn't develop feelings for her, not for leah.

leah who wouldn't even look at you after she'd spend hours worshipping your body and having you chanting her name among all sorts of obscenities.

leah who would just toss you your clothes and wander off for a shower or roll back over in bed facing away from you, which you knew all too well was the unspoken cue for you to leave.

yet here she was curled up into you, legs stretched out across the coffee table and tucked under a blanket, holding your hand and your body in a way so tender you had almost forgotten what sincere non sexual intimacy felt like.

so you did what countless nights spent with her had trained you to, you left.

carefully unwinding yourself out of her grip the blonde had stirred but remained asleep, allowing you the time to shrug off her clothes and slip back into your dress from the night before with a disgusted grimace at the memories they held.

folding up her clothes and leaving them on the arm of the lounge you gave her one last look, a weird longing to just wrap yourself back up in her arms all you needed to push you out her front door.

leah had woken up not long after, frown on her face as she realized you weren't beside her anymore and the clothes you'd had on were neatly folded a few metres away, and since that morning leah hadn't heard a word from you.

you sighed deeply as you watched the blonde make her way down the row of seats, smiling and shaking hands as she went but heading right for you.

"you have to be joking." you mumbled to yourself as she dropped herself in the spare seat right beside you, not missing the way you physically recoiled and pulled your body as far to the other side of your seat as you could to get away from her.

"you forgot your drink." leah offered it out to you, giving an awkward smile as you glanced at her but accepted it none the less, taking a sip and sitting it down in the holder on your right.

"i'm not thanking you." you warned her, hoping that was all she wanted and would head off to another seat but you had no such luck as she wriggled around and made herself comfortable.

"look i'm really sorry i took that way too far and-" you almost thought you might not hear from her again as the set started, leah leaning in to whisper to you as your eyes closed and you sighed again.

"its fine, just shut up leah." you sharply cut her off, the blonde nodding and leaning back, both of you pulled into conversations with other people as the box buzzed with quiet chatter.

eventually though you once again found yourself with not much else to occupy you as the chatter died out and the match began to heat up, leah muttering commentary under her breath as you chanced a look at her and chuckled at the concentrated scowl on her face.

"what?" she didn't miss it as your head snapped forwards again and you shrugged. "no go on, whats so amusing?" she questioned crossing her arms and turning her body just slightly toward you.

"frown lines." you pointed to your own forehead and back to hers with a small smile as her cheeks flushed red. "oh." she was quick to relax her face, though as you chanced another look toward her a few minutes later you smiled seeing the scowl right back there again.

"shut up i can't help it, this stresses me out." leah knocked her knee into yours and crossed her arms over her chest. "why? have you given up football for a budding tennis career?" you chuckled as she mocked you and pulled a face.

"no. but i know what the pressure is like to play a sport at this high a level, and how hard you are on yourself for every little thing. even without the eyes on you here they'll be thinking about the media, fans, family, everyone is just watching and waiting, hoping you mess up or do something dumb they can rip you apart for." leah retorted as your face softened a little at her words.

"yeah i sort of understand that." you agreed, feeling not too dissimilarly when you walked a runway. "maybe i'll come to your next show and kick a football at you." leah commented casually as your head snapped toward her, the cheeky grin all you needed to know she was messing about as your eyes rolled and a small smile tugged at your lips which you quickly corrected.

"i saw that." "you're getting heatstroke. only you would wear a three piece charcoal suit in the middle of summer." "summer? have you seen those clouds? i'll put a tenner on that we don't even get through the next set before a rain break."

and annoyingly enough of course leah was correct, the day wrapping up as the skies had opened and an icy wind was whipping around the air, nipping and pinching at every scrap of flesh it came into contact with.

you nodded along with a polite smile, chatting with a few people as you were longing to leave, the cold chill setting into your skin as goosebumps appeared and your arms were wrapped tightly around you.

finally their own car arrived and they bid you goodbye, a sigh of relief leaving your lips as you checked the eta for your uber and saw it wasn't too far away.

"see i told you it would rain." you jolted as soft material settled over your shoulders, turning around to meet a familiar smile.

"don't. you're going to get yourself sick if you stand here shivering like an idiot." leah cut you off before you could even say what she knew you were about to, hands knocking away your own which tried to shrug off her suit jacket she'd draped over you.

"thank you." you admitted with a smile, leah nodding and checking her phone as you tried to ignore just how good she looked. "try not to get it wet, its not actually dad its dior!" the blonde smirked as you playfully rolled your eyes.

"got any plans for tonight?" you made conversation as the pair of you stood side by side, leah shaking her head and shoving her hands into her pockets, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

before you were able to stop yourself or think it through the words were tumbling out of your mouth with a mind of their own.

"do you feel like a dance?"

a dance had been putting it mildly as you moved and swayed your body to the beat, bass so thunderous it pumped and shook the floor beneath you.

taking leah as your plus one you'd arrived to the party you'd been invited to, the blonde shocked to say the least as you'd dragged her into the large warehouse where it was taking place.

it had all started off tame enough, finding a table of your friends you sat down with leah by your side, the blondes charming demeanor taking over as she found no issues holding her own in conversation with them.

then someone had appeared with a round of shots, and well it all seemed to go downhill from there.

which hours later is what had head to the liquid confidence flowing through both yours and leahs veins, her body pressed against yours as lights pulsed around you only showing flickers of her face every now and then.

a familiar urge starting to grow in the coil of your stomach you grabbed the defenders hands, placing them on your stomach and pushing your ass back into her, leaning your head back on her shoulder and feeling her nose tuck into your neck.

“i think you’ve forgotten i know all of your tricks pretty girl.” leah laughed, lips grazing your ear as you strained to hear her over the thumping music engulfing the pair of you.

reaching up and tangling a hand in her hair you pulled her closer, lips kissing at her jaw and feeling her own hands begin to wander as your teeth tugged at her earlobe.

“and I think you’ve forgotten i know all your weaknesses, captain."

that was the final nail in the coffin, a small frown creased into your features as you felt her pull away and worried if you'd misread the signals you thought she'd been giving all night.

but all of that was blown to hell and back as her hand found its home against the back of your neck and she pressed into you again, leading you out of the mass of sweaty bodies on the dance floor.

a grin was plastered on your face as she snagged her suit jacket off the back of her chair and grabbed your hand with her other, pulling you with her toward the exit.

"hi." you smiled as the fresh air hit you, the pair of you wandering away from the drunken fallen soldiers littering the exit, leah pulling your body into hers as you hid yourselves around a corner out of sight.

"hello." she grinned back, hands falling either side of your face as your hand grabbed the back of her neck, finally pulling her mouth to meet yours as the pair of you melted into one another.

"this is a bad idea right?" you mumbled against her lips feeling her nod. "terrible idea." she pulled away momentarily, chest heaving and face flushed pink as you tangled your hands in her blonde locks and she grinned.

"so, your place or mine?"

~

"jesus christ leah." you exhaled shakily, rolling off of her and running a hand through your hair, struggling to catch your breath as you closed your eyes for a moment and felt her body vibrate with quiet laughter beside you.

"you still with me?" you opened them to see her hovering over you, cheeky smile on her lips as you nodded. "that certainly didn't sound fake." her smile morphed into a smirk as you pushed her and she collapsed back into the pillows beside you.

"that was what that was about? proving a point?" you struggled to get out, coming down from your fourth orgasm in a row. "no! well not the first three anyway, but that one? yeah that one was personal." leah confirmed cockily as you reached a hand over to gently slap her cheek, feeling her lips kiss at your palm with a chuckle.

the pair of you had barely made it through her front door, hands burning and twitching as you'd done your best to keep them off one another in the excruciatingly long uber ride back.

"fuck me." leah had exhaled as you wasted no time dropping to your knees in front of her the moment you'd crossed the threshold of the bedroom, tugging at her pants as she clumsily fumbled with her belt.

"i'm trying to." you'd grinned up at her making her eyes roll as she tangled a hand in your hair, having started off pleasuring her first and reaping in the moans you drew from the older girl while your face was buried between her legs.

then things had moved to the bed and leah wasted no time reminding you that just because you struck first she was the one in control, and what felt like hours later here you were struggling to return to earth.

"i should go." your body shifted back into autopilot as you'd finally caught your breath, sitting up and pushing your hair to one side of your head as you covered yourself with the blanket and leaned down to rummage through the pile of clothes on the floor for your own.

"or you could stay." you froze at that, time seeming to stand still as leah tried to push down the nerves which consumed her following her statement, fidgeting with her fingers which were hidden beneath the blanket.

“you never ask me to stay.” you still hadn't moved, arm slung over the edge of the bed and your dress in hand, this uncharted territory quite terrifying as you had no idea what would come next.

“you never seemed like you wanted to.” you sat up at that, looking down at her with a slight frown. "you never seemed like you wanted me to." you quipped back as leah sighed, running her hands down her face and flopping them onto the mattress.

"i didn't think i did." she admitted quietly, glancing up at you as you looked on curiously and nodded for her to continue. "i thought this was just casual hook ups. then you called me that morning from that guys house and hearing how upset you were made me worried, more worried than i would be for someone i didn't care about." she sighed, avoiding looking at you now.

"then we came back here and you showered and wore my clothes and we hung out and it felt good. i thought maybe we might be able to explore something more than just hooking up but..." she trailed off as now you looked away and bit the inside of your cheek.

"but then i left." you finished for her as she nodded. "why didn't you ever answer when i reached out afterwards?" leah asked as you shuffled back to lay down again beside her.

"well when i called you that morning i thought it was just auto pilot. but then you were so helpful and sweet and we did hang out which was different but not in a bad way." you paused to think over your next words.

"then i woke up and you were holding me which felt...good, and that scared me. we've never been intimate in a non sexual way and i guess i just assumed it was a reflex for you since you were asleep, because every time we'd sleep together-" you were stopped as leah cut you off.

"-i'd throw your clothes at you and expect you to leave." the blonde admitted, the two of you sharing a look and a small smile, cheeks flushed with color.

"yes. then i panicked because it felt good and different and weird, and i assumed you'd not share those feelings and just break things off anyway, so i broke it off first to save myself and here we are." your hand moved closer to brush against hers, a silence falling between you.

"so.." leah trailed off, her leg moving next to graze yours. "so..." you echoed, finger stretching to trace a line down the back of her hand.

"would you want to stay over then?" leah broke first, head turning to face you as you noticed the obvious worry in her eyes at what you would say.

"okay." you agreed, corners of your mouth tugging upward as her eyebrows raised in clear surprise. "but you’re making me breakfast in the morning.” you declared, leahs laugh echoing around the room.

"deal. jam on toast it is!" she teased, a warmth spreading through your body as her hand moved again to sit on top of yours, her fingers linking and sliding around your own, the blonde raising it up and placing a soft kiss to your palm again.

"well for me. just plain bread for you right?" you quipped back, catching her off guard as you leaned in and pecked her lips, darting back away before she could return the gesture with a twinkle in your eyes.

“a fun fact you’ll grow to love is i am a terrible chef.” leah admitted as now your laugh filled the room, shuffling closer and turning on your side to face her as she did the same, feet nudging yours apart to slot her leg in between yours.

“and what else should I know?” you smiled, pointer finger of your free hand tracing absentminded lines across her face. "mm well i eat a plain ham sandwich before and after every game, i am a huge star wars nerd, i love country music...and i would really like to take you on a proper date." leah finished with a smile that had you reeling, cheeks heating up even more.

"do the tips of your ears always go red when you're embarrassed? how have i noticed that before thats adorable?" leah cooed and tugged at them as you whined and leaned forward pressing your face into her shoulder.

"leave me alone." you grumbled, pulling your head back onto the pillow and resuming tracing the curve of her jaw. “i think you’re working backwards, I don’t normally sleep with women on the first date.” you teased, green eyes rolling playfully.

"well I don’t normally sleep with women i date.” she smiled charmingly for a moment before the realization dawned on her she'd not quite said that right and she frowned.

“no that came out wrong i meant i-" you didn't let her finish, pressing your lips against hers with a laugh, your mouths moving together in perfect harmony.

"shut up. i'd love to go on a date with you.” you promised, pecking her lips a few more times and melting at the way her face lit up. "yeah?" you nodded. "yeah."

"now something you'll learn to love about me, i've never seen a single star wars movie." you confessed, leahs jaw dropping in disbelief as she sat up so quickly it made you jolt in shock.

"what are you doing?" you questioned confused as she pulled her body away from you, rolling out of bed still completely naked and rushing around her room.

"you, are getting a movie education." she pointed to you threateningly, disappearing into her closet for a moment.

"right now? leah we just had sex i'm naked!" you laughed, wincing as a bundle of material hit you in the face, pulling it away and holding it up.

"oh this is the darth vader guy right? luke skywalkers dad?" you realised who was on the shirt as leah stopped her rushing about, stood at the end of the bed staring at you in disbelief.

"that is like the biggest plot twist of the franchise how on earth did you know that?" "leah...vater in german literally means father!"

"have you always been such a know it all?" leah scoffed as you rolled your eyes, sitting up and tugging her shirt over your head, reaching down to find your underwear.

"i'm making popcorn, get comfy!" leah called out as she darted out of her bedroom. "leah at least put some pants on!" you laughed at her naked form flitting around the kitchen.

"well another fun fact for you to know pretty girl, wearing pants is actually banned in this house."

[love-bokumono-fics]

Had a thought occur to me and it seemed like a fun idea for a poll.

If you were given a choice of which season to start playing a farm sim in, which yould you choose?

Spring? The traditional choice. Every game starts here. With mild weather, cheap but fast growing crops, and items to forage in abundance, it's a good place to start. You have a whole season to build up your funds and your stamina and prepare for the seasons to come. It gives you time to get your feet underneath you, explore the town, meet your neighbors, and maybe even afford some upgrades before the intensity of summer arrives.

Summer? You arrive to a wider selection of crops that are more time-intensive to grow, but also sell for a higher price. Not to mention the areas around your farm tend to be overflowing with the bounties of nature, which you can turn around for fast cash. You'll need it, as time may not be on your side this season. Half the season may pass before your first big harvest, and saving money would be difficult. Not to mention, there's the risk of hurricanes that could wipe everything you've worked so hard for off the map. But socially, your friendships can bloom quickly. With easy gifts to be found everywhere, you can quickly endear yourself to your neighbors.

Autumn? Often the most bountiful season, but also the most labor intensive. To get the most of the season, you have to be prepared to run before you walk. A beginner's low stamina may struggle to keep up with the demands of the farm if they hope to make enough money to spend through the winter. And the time demands of the farm may also cut into your time to meet locals and forge friendships. A boatload of money can be made off the few crops your beginning funds can purchase, along with taking advantage of the final bounties of nature for the season. But it can come at the cost of being a recluse, and going into winter practically a stranger to your neighbors.

Winter? Often it's a season in which nothing will grow, or there may be a few pricey crops that can be planted. But this season is usually marked with an abundance of free time. A season of rest and recovery and preparation Making money is difficult, with few things to forage, and going into the mines or collecting material resources will not be very easy with no stamina built up over the year. But careful planning can get you far. You can take the time to clear your fields, delve into the mines for ores to sell, start buying livestock, and spend every day making friends with the townsfolk. It would be a much slower start to your farming endeavors, but can also leave you set up to hit the ground running when spring arrives. Watch out for blizzards erasing all your hard work, though.

[persimmonsimmer]

If there was one thing Nadya had learned over the years, it was that Carl knew how to get things done. Still, the plan he'd just described sounded too good to be true. Especially considering that it all hinged on the supposed expertise of a young woman, this Sam, who looked by all rights like she ought to be enrolled in one of Hannah Chen’s classes right alongside her own Farah and Mariam.

She spoke carefully.

Nadya: "You know building an electrical grid has been a high priority of mine. It would put us on the path to becoming a real city. Maybe the first to be built since Before. But, realistically, I didn't think we'd have the funds, or the expertise, to start working on one for . . . well, for decades. I’m still not sure we do."

Carl: "Which is where Sam comes in. It won’t be cheap, no, but with her guidance I’m confident we can do it without getting bogged down with mistakes and unexpected costs, and that’s always where the costs of a project really start to add up.”

Nadya scrutinized the woman seated next to Carl. She'd never known Carl to be wrong when he vouched for someone's skill. But she was so young.

Nadya: "You understand, everything would be riding on this project's success. It would have to be completed before the election after this one. And completed successfully." She turned to address Sam directly. "Are you sure you'd know what you were doing?"

Sam: "Yes, ma'am."

Nadya: "Even though, as you admitted earlier, you've never created anything on a scale anywhere close to this."

Sam: "Like I said, I've been messing around with wires and batteries since I was barely a kid. I've read every book on infrastructure and physics and chemistry and electrical engineering I could get my hands on.

"But each of my experiments required weeks of salvaging for the materials, so it’s true there was only so much I could do. It's been my dream to help bring electricity back to the world ever since I can remember, but I never thought I'd have the resources to do it. Not until Carl asked if I'd be willing to help you. I can do this. I swear."

Carl: "Sam here is a certifiable genius, I'm telling you. I've seen some of the things she's created from practically nothing. Marvelous contraptions. With her at the helm of this project, you and I both can rest easy."

Nadya: "I am tempted. But there's also the matter of the clinic I was hoping to build. We might be able to muster the funds for a grid if I raise taxes, but we certainly won’t have the resources to build both. The clinic would have to be delayed indefinitely. That would be very unfortunate."

Carl: “A clinic would be a real boon to the town, to be sure. But then again, how much more will Meda or anyone else be able to accomplish in a clinic until we’ve got electricity in place? I think the priority here's clear."

Nadya: “Still, some of the townspeople will be angry. They'll say I've gone back on my word.”

Carl: “Listen, Nadya.” Instead of wearing his usual wide smile, he was now serious, still-faced. “I know it’s a political risk. But it’s worth it, isn’t it?”

Nadya: “Maybe . . . If we could just delay the start, a few years at most—”

Carl: “Much as I hate to put the screws to you, Nadya, I’m afraid Sam here, at least, needs an answer. She’s come all this way on my assurance there’d be a job for her at the end of the road, and, well, if that’s not the case, she has a family to get back to.”

Meaning we’ll lose our chance at this supposed wunderkind’s help forever, I suppose, Nadya thought sourly.

Nadya: “You have family back at home, Sam?” If only Carl would stop blathering at her, give her a few minutes to figure out how to swing this to her best advantage. “And where did you say home is, again?”

Sam’s eyes darted toward Carl.

Sam: “A little sister. And it’s so small, it doesn’t even have a name. We hardly ever even saw any traders, except for Carl.”

Nadya: “It must be hard to leave home behind, nevertheless.” She’d hardly registered Sam’s words. “Carl, you know I want this for Panorama. I do. Perhaps . . . if you could sweeten the deal for me . . . ?"

Carl: "What did you have in mind?"

He knew she was hooked. As suddenly as it had vanished, his usual smile had reappeared.

Nadya: "Just a little something for your crew to work on while this project is still in the planning stages. Something my fellow Panoramans can get some use from sooner rather than later."

It didn't take Nadya long to explain what she had in mind, and when she finished, Carl's smile was even wider than before.

Carl: "Is that all? Piece of cake. It'll be done before the winter's out."

Nadya: "Then you've got a deal, Worth."

Decisiveness. That’s what made her a leader.

Nadya: “Just tell me one thing. Where exactly do you find so many talented people? Your knack for it is almost uncanny."

Carl: "Ah-ah, Nadya. I can't go giving away all my secrets. Gotta leave you some reason to keep me around."

He beamed.

[plor-bindery]

Bound: dot journal for me!

I was a bit hasty and sloppy with this one but it’s done and I like it mostly! It’s just meant to be a functional object for work notes.

Materials and process notes under the cut.

Materials:

My first half-letter bind using actual short grain letter (ledger cut in half) and it is obviously better. Opens better, folds better, etc. The paper is Xerox Bold Digital. It’s pure white but a nice texture and 24 lb. It’ll do. And literally the only thing I can buy domestically as a consumer in Canada that’s not 20lb photocopy paper or cardstock in this size.

Bookcloth is homemade with a cheap cotton fat quarter I had, heat n bond, and mulberry tissue. The cotton is too thin but otherwise worked okay. It shows pencil marks on the board underneath on the spine.

Cover paper is handmade from Paper Source. It’s so pretty but also tricky to work with.

Headbands are cotton embroidery floss wrapped around cooking twine that I dredged in PVA for stiffness. Fancy.

End papers are just scrapbook cardstock from Dollarama.

Typeset (AKA 5 mm dots) is by me. I imposed it using bookbinder.js which killed my margins but I was too cheap/lazy to reprint. Will troubleshoot next time I use this layout.

Process:

Not much new here other than the bookcloth (which I’ve made before but haven’t posted about) and the sewn end bands. Verdict on the end bands is that it’s fiddly but pretty. Not sure if worth it but maybe a good option for a special volume. I have done needlework in my past crafting so I found the actual process quite easy…but miles of practice would be needed for a very neat product.

All told, a very functional and not elegant end result, but I needed a work notebook and this was good practice. Back to fanbinding for a bit now…just need to keep working on my typesets!

[sleepingasimdead]

This post covers two topics. First, the common types of "magic books" and second my personal advice for when making your own. The "read more" includes a link to a tutorial and the amino post I am quoting myself from.

Books of Shadows, Grimoires, & Books of Mirrors

Modernly these terms are often used interchangeably for personal spellbooks/witchcraft based journals; however, originally they had three distinct meanings.

I originally read about the differences in my moms older books circa late 80s - late 90s.

Books of Shadows:

First, the term you are likely to encounter most often. A Book of Shadows (BoS) was originally specifically a Wiccan term in reference to a shared book containing spells, rituals, basic theory, and associations. It was meant to be used as a reference and teaching tool between a Coven as well as a place to record Coven specific practices. Usually, the High Priest(ess) would look after, control what is added to, and control who has access to this book. It was not shared with people outside of the Coven and was considered a sacred object. With the rise of solitary practice valued over Coven based practice, the term has lost its Coven, and often Wiccan, associations.

Grimoires:

Next, Grimoire was originally in reference to a personal book of spells, theory, and associations that had a textbook or cookbook tone of writing. This term is older and doesn’t have religious connotations and is usually used as a reference or teaching tool. This was basically a Witches recipe book. However, it was still usually in a more neutral to formal format.

Books of Mirrors:

Lastly, a Book of Mirrors. This term is not as popular as the other two despite, modernly, being what many people have and are actually referencing when they say BoS. The term is in reference to a journal outlining or recording a person’s experiences and path in relation to witchcraft. This book was highly personal but was not required to be kept secret. 

As mentioned before, these terms are modernly used interchangeably due to people just having one book that is more of a mix of all three. They range from a fancy homemade leatherbound book to a cheap planner, there are no specific rules on their construction or what a Practitioner puts in them and not everyone calls their Witchcraft book by any of these terms.

It is usually a very personal item, and so each person has their own rules for it. There are many theories behind the item ranging from it being sacred and having magic of its own to its significance being rooted more in a personal nature.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Dead's Advice for When You are Making Your Grimoire, Book of Shadows, Book of Mirrors, and/or Magical Tome(s)

The Materials

As tempting as buying a really pretty stylized notebook is, they simply rarely work well if what you want is equally stylized pages. They are too easy to mess up, misplace, run out of space, and tend to be expensive.

Instead try binders + laminate pockets. Binders allow you to remove and reorganize pages. This eliminates the pressure of making the page perfect the first time and lets you remove out of date info with ease. Stylizing is made so much easier when you can safely remove pages.

Not to mention the pockets allow for you to include things like pressed plants with 0 risk of destroying your whole book thanks to rot, protect your pages from water damage, and make making "secret pages" much easier, allows you to make pages digitally first. You can personalize binders with fabric, paper machete, cardboard, hot glue, wood, clay, etc.

Personally, I made 3 "book sleeve bags" out of scrap leather and fabric that allow me to switch up the style and determine how many pockets are necessary that day. On top of just making an embroidered cover and gluing it to the cover of the binder.

The Writing

• Always write full notes before you even open your book and then condense the info like you would if you were rewriting notes for test/exam purposes to act as your Rough Draft.

• Don't use hard to read/made up script unless you are fluent in it. Elsewise the book becomes 20× harder to actually use.

• Make a laminate sheet for base "step by step" sheets for things like sigils or spellmaking and pair with dry erase to make it easier on the environment when you make new ones. Then if they work give them their own page.

• Try to keep one topic / subtopic to a couple of pages and succinct.

The Art

• Do any motifs or small artwork first and then use a tracing method to add to your book so that it can be consistent.

• Section out space on the page for large artwork/diagrams before writing, but don't do them until after you have written your text.

• Try using tracing paper / see-through sticky notes for any 3d diagrams. Diagrams as watermarks are also a good idea. Or if you don't intend to make a Symbarium section you can make them into watermarks as well.

• Don't be afraid to "hide" diagrams behind things like stickinotes + flaps to mixinmize possible text.

OG Amino Post:

http://aminoapps.com/p/dltsku

Below is a quick tutorial video on making fabric covers with handles that I actually used myself (although I adjusted my measurements to fit a large binder). However, tbh you can find quite a few on youtube, as well as tutorials on making your own binder.

[macsimagines]

hi, i really like your blog! if it's okay, could i get something for alpha!kazutora? how does he court/bond/mate with his omega? what kind of alpha is he? thank you so much

( he's one of my fave yanderes. Not my fave character but this guy breaths delusion and obsession. -Ms.Mac)

TW: Elderly abuse and Muder

Yandere!Alpha Kazutora

Convinced himself you two are fated star crossed lovers. You're just fated mates.

You try to be as on board as Kazutora is with the whole thing but this guy jumps the freaking gun. He wants to be mated now, and he wants you pupped tonight.

But you talk him down, tell him even if its fate you still like things to be a little old school.

He can do that. He can do something right for someone. But he tries so hard to be perfect its a little scary.

First he scents you like crazy, at least as often as physically possible. Everytime you two kiss or hug he's also making sure you've got that his distinct smell of cloves.

Next, he's always fighting for your sake. Even when it isn't necessary... You've had to stop him from getting arrested so often you're basically on a first name basis with your local law enforcement.

Finally the thing you don't see? His marking of your apartment. He doesn't mean to be gross, but if he pees just on this one corner of your building other alphas will try to steer clear...

Flowers, gifts and dates are so damn expensive he's gonna put himself into debt. You tell him you don't need all that fan fair, you just want him to be a good alpha.

But good alphas can provide so much more than he can and you deserve so much more than he has. Its driving him crazy that he's not rich and extravagant like you deserve.

You tell him that all you really need to be happy is a collar! One that symbolizes your love and devotion to each other, and to even make things really easy you'll pick it out together.

Kazutora doesn't catch how you're leaning towards the cheapest models in the store. And you're thankful because you don't want to hurt his self-esteem...

You find the perfect one. Something very simple and not too pricy but not too cheap so it doesn't hurt his pride. A collar with a sapphire pendant! His birthstone.

He's thrilled as well, thinks it's the perfect piece of jewelry he can get you. You'll have a piece of him with you forever! It'll be so romantic to tell your pups about.

But then... it had already been sold. To an older gentleman as a gift to his daughter. Its not an uncommon practice for parents to give their omegan children a collar as a coming of age present, despite being sad about loosing out on the best option, you think its sweet.

Your alpha does not. Kazutora does the unthinkable and tries to fight the old man for the prize. Growls and intimidates him, threatens him in front of all the store patrons. Causes a huge scene...

Having no idea what else to do, you tell your Alpha to stop. Lie and say a collar was a dumb idea anyways. Say courting was stupid too That you should've just done what he wanted to begin with...

Despite your better judgement you bond that same night. You're hoping this will calm your fated mate down, and you feel like maybe it was the right choice when he makes sweet gentle slow love to you.

A week later you really believe things are actually better. Kazutora has seemed to calm down exponentially and you've researched how Alphas can go manic when their fated pair doesn't bond with them right away.

So maybe its your fault. You knew you shouldn't have questioned him when he said he wanted to seal things right away. Who were you to question fate?

Both of you are moving your things in one night, unpacking your big box of nesting materials when Kazutora hands you a very neatly wrapped square box.

You're shocked to see the sapphire collar...You're sick to see the droplets of blood on it...

[ms-demeanor]

I don’t duck with predatory schools or cheap unaccredited courses/ capitalism/white washed alternative medicines… but does you beef with alternative practitioners extend to Eastern/ traditional medicinal practices as a whole? Like you don’t think herbalism or acupuncture have healing capabilities?

I am deeply, deeply skeptical of nearly all alternative medicine, but you are unlikely to find anyone who says there are no benefits to most types of alternative medicine. (I'll say it about chiropractic and homeopathy though - there's nothing that a chiropracter can do for you that a physical therapist or massage therapist can't do better and more safely, and homeopathy won't do anything except possibly poison more infants)

However, here's the problem with that:

Acupuncture appears to have fairly reliable effects that are not explained by the placebo effect for things like pain relief, anxiety, and depression, and may also help with disorders relating to those things (insomnia and asthma, for instance). But you should not stop taking your asthma medications because you are being treated for asthma with acupuncture because if you are asthmatic, deciding "oh, my asthma [which treatable, but not curable] is cured!]" and throwing away your rescue inhaler can kill you.

Herbal remedies may be comforting for some people, and may have some effects, but it is dangerous to use, for instance, St. John's Wort to treat depression because it is impossible to standardize a dose of St. John's Wort in something like a tea or an extract, and supplements are not regulated in the US so it is impossible to know *what* dose you're getting in a St. John's Wort supplement.

Many people find chiropractic to be a reasonable means of pain relief, and I'm not going to pretend that their pain isn't reduced from chiropractic treatment, but literally hundreds of studies suggest that for the things that chiropractic has any reliable measurable effect on (musculoskeletal pain) you are going to get better treatment from a massage therapist or a physical therapist.

Ayurvedic medicine has a long history of things like surgeries including cataract surgyery and cauterization to treat bleeding, which do actually work! However ayurvedic medicine also often includes consumption of harmful materials like heavy metals alongside herbs that may have actual medical benefits, or practices like oil pulling, which do absolutely nothing.

Chinese Traditional Medicine may have some useful treatments, but is also associated with things like lead poisoning.

Use of Kava as an herbal alternative pain treatment was linked to a spate of people having liver failure. Kava does work to treat pain, it just also causes liver failure at completely unacceptable rates and at completely unknown doses.

So I don't think that alternative medicines are uniformly awful. Some stuff seems to work okay, and there is some stuff that is very unlikely to cause harm even if it doesn't actually heal.

But, hoo boy, herbalism has *immense* capacity to harm (because it is difficult to ensure accurate dosing, because herbal medications may interfere with allopathic medications, because it is difficult to avoid contaminants and easy to make mistakes with preparations in herbal medicine), which is made worse when people choose herbalism in place of other treatments. There are a thousand horror stories of people using black salve (a caustic substance that is used to treat tumors by chemically burning them off) to treat breast cancer, which is only marginally more horrifying than people who chose to forego cancer treatment in favor of herbalism.

And I'm not particularly in the business of telling people what to do, but I am someone with chronic illnesses who has had alternative treatments proposed to me in place of recognized best practices and I understand that for people with a new or frightening diagnosis it is easy to fall victim to a confident person who is offering 'treatment' at a lower cost and with more hands-on care than an overworked specialist who doesn't take your shitty insurance. Because of that I think that it is often safer to assume that alternative treatments are at best unproven and to start treating medical conditions with allopathic medicine and to use alternative treatments alongside of allopathic medicine (with the full knowledge of your medical team - a lot of "detoxifying" alternative medicines work by making all of your medications ineffective!)

And even if you're going to be using herbalism or acupuncture to treat someone and doing so in conjunction with proven treatments, I still think it's important for the practitioner of alternative medicine to be intellectually curious and scientifically educated enough to recognize when their treatments aren't working; if you have cheerfully taken a course in chiropractic and homeopathy as part of your alternative medicine degree, that does not suggest that you are being given a rigorous, evidence-based education in herbalism or acupuncture by the school that provided the homeopathy class!

It's like if you were getting a degree in engineering and had to take a class on the physics of the time cube in order to graduate. Time Cube Theory 204 cancels out Advanced Fluid Dynamics! Time Cube Theory 204 calls into question the validity of all your other classes! Time Cube Theory 204 is a major alarm bell, and if that didn't chase you out of the building you shouldn't be trusted to build a dam!

[dinoburger]

I can't help but feel sort of ashamed and embarrassed by the willingness of people to rally behind escapist fiction but not real human causes... I spend a lot of time in fan work and next to none developing any kind of practice of my own, time I could thereby extend into engaging my own culture.

I've spent a lot of my life isolated, always struggled in institutional education, never secured employment, have been cornered and overwhelmed by familial abuse and on top of that and been terrified of dying to the ongoing disease crisis the world faces. I know why fiction is appealing to me and why those community bonds attract me, but at the same time, the longer I tease apart the threads of what I'm really made of there's a kind of lowest common denominator easiness to fan communities - not that the work isn't meaningful or valuable, but like, is Gabe Newell the entity I want to devote my life to or have I just been marketed to?

it's embarrassing to have consumerism be such an active part of your work and identity. I keep thinking about the OFMD nonsense.

Like, even if I don't give a cent to Steam, I'm still part of the glue holding the commercial enterprise together. I still provide a means of continued patronage under the guise of community. I see a lot of interesting avenues of exploration in these characters, but, at the end of the day I feel like the majority of people interacting with my work don't see it as a unique exploration of the material but supplementary to their experience of the game and another means of continuous consumerism.

It was easier to tell myself this was all for the joy of community and shared interest at first, it does still bring me joy, but it feels distinctly tainted by the reality of what my engagement means.

I've felt uncomfortable in paying publicity to various creators over the years and felt uncomfortable by how easily other artists would do the same - I'm eternally aggrieved by the inescapable presence of Scott Cawthorn's work, for instance, but I can't claim to be miles better. I think I've struck the much deeper root of that discomfort that lies in lending validity to having a consumerist identity that overrides a broader scope of meaning and experience.

It feels cheap, trite, and like the core of my work will never be about anything except for marketing a product.

There's another post floating around about specifically how social media makes artists fixate on branding themselves as a product too which also makes me suspect that just substituting the product I'm marketing for an original work won't necessarily elevate my practice, either.

This is maybe my biggest remorse about having everything on one blog... I've framed my online identity in this way. People therefore treat me in this way. I am the product. Every aspect of me is there to be consumed, including my personal life, my sense of activism, all of it.

And I will be coaxed into an easy lull of letting it happen. I won't meaningfully expand my practice.

[nerdierholler]

IT'S DONE! I made a book! I never thought I'd ever be able to make a book. Sure mistakes were made but it was still a fun process and I learned so much from making this first one.

This a binding of The Wayhaven Chronicles IF but with my personal Detective's choices included and the resulting text smoothed out to read more like a novel.

Honestly, I thought something like this would be way beyond my skill set but it wasn't as scary as I thought once I got started. Definitely check out @renegadeguild for some book making and typesetting guides and their discord is super friendly and helpful as well.

If you want to learn from my mistakes I'll go into some trials and tribulations under the cut.

I'm not sure how well this book will hold up long term but that's ok! It was more about learning and I'll make some adjustments and try again with the same text probably.

Typsetting

Margins - need to make them bigger. I mostly read paperbacks so I was going for that format with narrower margins but then when I ran into paper problems, I didn't have a ton of room for trimming.

There was an option on the imposer to add dotted lines to the center fold and I clicked that but they're visible still even after binding. Could be that I needed to sew my signatures tighter and that would help but regardless I don't think I need them in the future so I'll be skipping that feature.

The font was intentionally small, along with the margins, because I was trying to minimize the number of signatures I was dealing with for a first project. I'll bump it up in the future.

Paper (so much wrong)

So the grain should run parallel to the spine but I couldn't find short grain paper. I read at some point that someone recommended using sketch books instead because that should be the right grain. It was not, at least not what I bought, so it still ended up going the wrong way.

The sketch note book I bought had perforated pages. It made them easy to get out but I didn't realize that the page widths were inconsistent until everything was printed out. The paper width varied by at least 1/8 of an inch. I wasn't planning on trimming my pages but my top was super uneven because of this so an attempt at trimming was made. It could have gone worse (there was no blood) but the trimming could have been a lot better too.

Should have just used printer paper. The results would have been the same.

Making Book Cloth

Used the Heat and Bond method with some spare fabric and it worked pretty well. The problem was when it came to adding backing. I'd read tissue paper or even plain paper so I grabbed some piecing paper that was close at hand. That was a mistake. It was good quality fabric so it was thicker already and the paper backing made it too thick. I could barely fold it over and it kept wanting to flip up. It's the spine fabric and I'm still concern it's going to do this in the future.

Used tissue paper for the marbled looking fabric and it was much easier to work with.

Book Board

Not measuring right was all on me. The rice box worked in a pinch but I think it will be prone to bending. Got me the experience I needed be wouldn't be my go-to material for a project of this size.

Glue

I used Elmer's All Purpose and it got the job done but, again, probably not going to hold up the best long term. However, I'm glad I didn't buy PVA and basically waste it on this project. Elmer's was good and cheap enough for practice. I'll be getting some PVA for future projects.

[pancakeke]

plant store had one of these terrariums on display plus some product brochures and let me tell ya I was crying and punching drywall cause I could not justify the expense.

its light seemed kinda sus though. the one on display was not especially bright. and the brochure was weirdly deceptive about random stuff. like it said the body of the terrarium is acrylic because acrylic is a superior material compared to glass because glass has a green tint. except there are different formulations of glass? standard glass has iron in it that results in a green tint but low iron glass exists and is nearly as colorless as acrylic. fish and reptile people find low iron glass products easily enough that it can't be particularly uncommon in manufacturing. I don't understand why the brochure felt the need to mention glass color in the first place. there was a whole page with a big graphic about it.

a part of the brochure about the terrarium's misting system was a lie + deceptive in a way that really pissed me off too. it said regular water would permanently cloud the acrylic surface. bizarre and untrue statement. any potential clouding would be comprised of calcium + other mineral deposits which are easy to remove. tho you shouldn't put water containing minerals in a sonic humidifier in the first place. mineral buildup would add additional stress/wear to the unit plus you'll have to regularly descale it cause enough scale might prevent mist from forming

this section also pushed bottles of special mister water (which they sold). it said they were the only water that should ever be added to the mister. they're just selling distilled water without elaborating on what it really is so you don't know you can buy the same shit for cheap at any grocery store.

ok you know what actually made myself really mad now and I don't like this thing anymore. fuck off with business practices like this.

[materialsscienceandengineering]

New hemp-based biomaterial to help with global microplastic pollution crisis

Plastic is cheap and light, and conceivably recyclable, which makes it an easy choice for packaging when it comes to food and cosmetics. But it's also potentially toxic and biologically harmful, making it a non-starter for many environmentally responsible and socially conscious companies in Canada and around the world.

Western chemistry professor Elizabeth Gillies, mechanical and materials engineering professor Aaron Price and their research teams worked with industry partner CTK Bio Canada to develop a new biodegradable, hemp-based material that could serve as a sustainable substitute for packaging needs for a wide variety of products.

"When it comes to packaging, plastic replaces things like metal and glass. Those are heavy and expensive," said Gillies, who is also the Canada Research Chair in polymeric biomaterials. "Glass recycling is not a very profitable business and while many plastics are potentially recyclable, it often doesn't happen in practice."

This lack of recycling, compounded by a global microplastics pollution crisis, led Gillies and her team to find a degradable 'plastic' to solve the problem, or in this case, a hemp-based product.

Read more.

[studioboner]

ur art iz soso cute and pretty!! do you have any tipz for when working with watercolor(or paint in general)?

Sure!

Dont bother buying expensive materials if youre just starting, cheap or intermediate stuff is more than enough to start off and decide if you really like it and want to continue. Plus some mro expensive materials are harder to use if you dont have practice. I would never recommend a natural hair brush for a begginer watercolorist Those videos about essentials skills to have, or most common mistakes made CAN help, dont let them limit how you experiment with watercolors though, there are no rules. Those are usually tips given to make it easier to do a technic the most common way. You're free to try different paths Aim for an in-between level of "too easy, i can do this" and "too hard thats not on my skill yet". You have to find a middle ground to do it because that's what help keep people interested. If you only paint the very easy watercolor tutorials you see, theres a chance you'll grow bored and tired of it as it has become "too easy". Doesnt have to be every time of course, but it helps alot to not grow bored. It'll take a while to get used to watercolors, even if you know of many technics, practicing them and knowing how they will turn out by experience is another story. Don't feel bad if something didnt go the way you expected, you can always try the oppossite next time and see how that goes.

Copy Master's works, this doesnt have to be just dead masters, living ones too! Copying is a genuine good way of studying. As long as you dont claim them to be yours and give them proper credit, it's not plagiarism. It doesn't hurt to ask though, specially if the artist you are going to be copying to learn is not a big name. In my experience though the artists i've asked if i could copy to study tehir work they had been flattered that i'd want to do that. Theres no need to ask for some big name tho just credit lol, like for example doing watercolor studies of studio ghibli's storyboards..... that's a good one btw! their storyboards are pretty and have GOOD colors but still are super simple! Usually just one layer of paint, minimal wet in wet shading or glazing.

Share Your Works, i know specially for begginers this one can be scary to do, but i promise you that the number of fellow begginers who will feel encouraged by you posting is a great number. And experienced artists who are GOOD people would never look down on a begginer. Rather than "man they cant draw lol" it'll be a sentiment of "i remember when my skills were a similar level! i hope this new artists has a fun time with art :D" Sharing your works and getting feedback and building a small community with other artists or even some fans is a massive encouragement ! [it's not everything of course but it's nice to be appreciated] Uh mind you, this step might take a long while. i've been posting art for nearly 10 years and it took me maybe 8 or so years of posting for something of mine to get more than 70 notes or so. [70 notes is already alot tho! wohhoo!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

So wait, a company can claim to be "body safe" even if it's not? Without being legally in trouble? How can we actually tell what's safe and what's not. (Obv I know not to put glitter in my vagina, I'm just generally concerned) Thank you sex witch 🤟

okay so first off I do want to say that while I could not resist making a cheap joke about microplastics, there is such a thing as body safe biodegradable glitter, and therefore entirely within the realm of possibility that a body safe glittery sexual lubricant exists.

having said that, at least in America - where I work and am most familiar with sexual safety practices - the sex toy market is pretty wildly unregulated and toys can be and frequently are made out of things that are actively pretty fucking terrible for your body. some of the worst offenders are the nearly ubiquitous "jelly toys" that look like this:

that material is porous as hell, and as such impossible to ever properly sanitize. every drop of bodily fluids that ever touch this thing, every bit of bacteria it ever comes in contact with, will nestle deep inside and marinade in there for as long as you own it - ain't that sexy? and even if they're squeaky clean, they're known to degrade over time and leak phthalates and other harmful chemicals into your sensitive orifices.

and people are allowed to sell these things??? absolutely yes they are.

my best advice if you're a sex toy enjoy is to read up on Dangerous Lilly's excellent and scientifically sound work. much of the crucial reading is compiled here:

[annes-room]

fall 2024 first impressions

I'm now 2 weeks into my new semester at school and I definitely have some thoughts about my classes 🧠

📊 stats courses:

Introduction to Design and Analysis of Experiments the material itself should be okay. we have to come up with a small experiment to carry out during the semester worth 20% of our grade which should also be doable, our prof emphasized that it should be something cheap and easy to do. but it's a group project so I hope I can get some good people. the prof for this course is the same as one of my summer courses and unfortunately I didn't really gel with him so I'm not terribly excited about that part.

Applied Regression Analysis definitely my least favourite so far. it's a required course for my program, and I was excited for the material, but my prof is abysmal so far! he's rude to students asking questions and he's giving us a bunch of stuff that seems to be outside the scope of the course. if it's not, he's not doing a great job teaching it. I'm already looking into getting a tutor for this course because I know I'll need it.

⌨️ compsci courses:

Practical Programming Methodology this will be the heaviest course in terms of assignments, and I was initially worried about it because we'll be learning in C, coming out of using only Python at this point. but the prof seems really nice and there's a lot of help sessions so I'll be taking advantage of those.

Formal Systems and Logic in Computing Science technically this is a discrete math course, but very necessary for compsci. we've just started the section on logic so far, and I really like it! it's a bit to take in, but once I get it, I'll be good.

I was definitely more stressed last week, but now that I've started working on assignments I feel like my feet are a bit more underneath me. class difficulty is definitely higher, but my capacity for challenges has grown over the last 3 years so I think I can handle it. the biggest thing will be keeping burnout at bay, but I always no I can turn down certain things and respect my own limits.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

"The female isn't yours to objectify, not in art nor anywhere else!"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "That's rich coming from you, Tequila. You had some pretty wild views about women last weekend..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "I don't know where he picked up these views, but wherever it was, he seems to be sincere about them."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that mixing art and sex can make you fucking *rich*. Just don't go on a jog, unleashing a cascade of doom that washes it all away."

2. "What's up with the tracksuit?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "What? You never seen 100% Lickra(TM) before? Go on, feel that primo material." The man extends his arm...

Touch it.

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Pretty nice, huh? This might be one of the last of its kind. Should probably be in a museum, honestly." He takes another sip.

INTERFACING [Impossible: Failure] - Good god, it's nearly impossible to describe how dirty this texture is. It's like rubbing two jellyfish skins together. You feel about 15% less human for having touched it.

-1 Morale

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] - Randomized trials have also found Lickra(TM) to be associated with a number of exotic, highly malignant cancers. So you also have that to look forward to.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) [Easy: Success] - And then there's the smell, but you don't even want to think about that.

ROSEMARY - "Wow, you're lucky. He never lets me feel it."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "That's because your paws are fucking filthy, Rosie! We're right next to the bay, you could wash them anytime."

3. "What about the other drunks?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "My fellow members of the Union of Moribund Alcoholics? They're exactly what they look like."

ROSEMARY - "'Ey! Tequila! You wanna buy some speed?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Shut the fuck up, Rosemary! He's a cop, remember?"

ROSEMARY - "I thought he was a cool cop."

DON'T CALL ABIGAIL - "Don't call Abigail!"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "And this is Abs." He points to the man in the pipe. "So yeah, that's basically us. We drink together."

4. "What's this about a lost jacket?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Tequila, it's a verifiable tragedy. It was practically brand new. Sure, it didn't really go with my Lickra(TM) threads, but it did itch a lot less..."

"Say, you're a detective, right?" He looks at you, bleary-eyed. "Maybe you can help ol' Doom Spiral out… solve the case of the missing jacket! What do you say, Tequila?"

"Wait. You're asking a police officer to help find a jacket you stole and then lost?"

"Okay, sure. Where'd you lose it?"

"I don't have time for this."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Yeah, exactly. You're here to serve, right?"

2. "Okay, sure. Where'd you lose it?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "If I knew where I lost it don't you think I'd have it? I mean -- maybe I was up by the boardwalk? Or walking along the beach? Or checking out the abandoned fish market?"

"That's a lot of places."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Somewhere north of here, that's for sure. You could ask around, see if anyone's seen it."

New task: Find Idiot Doom Spiral's jacket

5. "Let me ask you something else." (Conclude.)

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "I'm all ears, Tequila."

4. "Have you got any more stories?"

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "I do -- but as you can see my fuel tank is running quite low, if you catch my drift..." He spins the bottle in his hand. Not a single drop of liquid remains.

"I don't have any on me right now."

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - "Cotton mouth is keeping my tongue imprisoned." He shrugs his shoulders dramatically.

3. "Be seein' you." [Leave.]

ROSEMARY - "Good to see you, friend! Do I have *deals* set up for you, buddy-boy!" He spreads his arms as if wanting to embrace you.

"What are you talking about?"

"Good to see you too, friend."

"I'm a police officer, not your friend."

ROSEMARY - "So whadda'ya want?" He tilts his head. "I got smokes. They're cheap. Very cheap. I got pilsner. Great deal. You won't get a better deal on that piss... Spirits I can let go for 300 reál. I also have speed. And by *speed* I mean amphetamine."

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - See, there it is, bratushka! -- you feel your necktie *strangle* you with excitement -- the *spirit*! Let's buy the spirit! 300 reál is a lot, but this has to be done.

It's our END GAME.

This is just another stupid drunk idea I'm having, that I'm attributing to my necktie.

This is the mystery and the truth and I need to buy that spirit.

What if I don't want to listen to my necktie anymore?

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - Bratan, you don't understand. It's not just another drink. This is what our relationship has been building towards all these years. This is the climax. The mystery. The virginal sigh.

You *have* to buy it from him. Get it off him. Kill him, if you have to. Our ultimate fate depends on it. And the fate of *many worlds*.

New task: Spirit is eternal

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant looks at you looking at the bottle of spirits. Then at Rosemary, suspiciously.

So, we can buy cheap drugs from Rosemary, including more alcohol if we want to immediately pass it on to Doom Spiral. We very obviously cannot afford the 300 reál spirits.

"Amphetamine?"

"Quite the business venture you've set up here."

"Why does the bottle of spirits cost 300 reál?"

[300 reál] "Here's the money for the spirits."

[2 reál] "I want a pack of smokes."

[1.50 reál] "Here's the money for a pilsner."

[15 reál] "Sell me some speed."

"I'm off." [Leave.]

ROSEMARY - "Aye, by amphetamine I mean speed."

"I think you didn't hear me, when I said I'm a police officer."

"I thought by speed you meant amphetamine?"

"Right. Got it."

ROSEMARY - "Sure did, buddy-boy," he taps the side of his nose. "That's why I said amphetamine. I mean speed. I mean amphetamine. I got both."

"I thought by speed you meant amphetamine?"

ROSEMARY - "Aye, 's'what I said."

"Right. Got it."

ROSEMARY - "Good-good, my man." He takes a chug from his beer bottle. "Now what can I offer ya?"

2. "Quite the business venture you've set up here."

ROSEMARY - "Oh..." He gets a proud gleam in his eyes. "The system's been good to old Rosemary here and I'm milkin' 'er like a bitch goat in the backyard."

"What do you mean?"

ROSEMARY - "You see, friend," he raises his index finger, "man makes his own luck -- and I made mine real good. Got my hands on three bottles of *liqueur exquise*, sold two to the fellows around here and *immediately* invested the profit."

"Bought cigarettes, bought beer, even bought a bit of speed. And look at me now… I got everyone on my hook." He spreads his arms and smiles a crooked toothless smile.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Medium: Success] - The hook -- where is it? I can't see it.