#but it’s like. miserable in a very specific way?
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#me.txt#there’s something particularly depressing about seeing those advice posts#that are all like ‘do things and go to things and you will feel better!!’#and I understand this is how it’s supposed to work#but also? every time I have forced myself to go to things while miserable#or go out to places while sad and scared#I just ended up sad and scared and miserable There#and in fact feeling worse than I was#possibly because of the contrast with other people?#it always feels so artificial and fake and painful?#like ah yes I will go to the movies and buy a notebook and eat a waffle#but it’s like. miserable in a very specific way?#I try to enjoy any of it but it just. feels so fake and awkward and painful#and then i end up Sadder for several days#but that’s not how it’s meant to work. you just have to keep doing it.#and it’s my fault for not doing it more. because probably it would be better if I did it more often#but fucking hell I already make myself miserable 5 days a week with work#if I don’t get two days off from that. if I have to feel scared and miserable 7/7 24/24#I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it up#and then shit will start going wrong with my ability to do work#and then there’ll be no fixing any of it#really stuck in a ‘this is all life can ever be’ cycle#a vibe of ‘this is the best it can ever be and is in fact probably always one random chance event from being so much worse’#so I should be fucking grateful actually#even if I feel miserable. the only reason I feel miserable is bc I’m selfish and ungrateful and whiny and a coward#fun
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc .
i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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"careful, or i'll quote that"
#adamandi#was going to be normal but then this scene popped into my head and played on loop and like#guys this scene just makes me Miserable. they're so friends now they're so happy and funny and then later in the show#she manipulates him and he tries to kill her and like. my god beatrix vincent friendship. omg.#im so. it kills me. i realise these arent the most accurate character styles but i Had to get it out. oh my god. literally the other day i#i was like ''oh haha im not going to directly draw scenes from the show im going to be Thinky and Extra'' but no actually sometimes the#the scenes from the show just hit. this line the delivery the Situations it kills me. im so hnnghghf about them#something also maybe about rewatching media knowing the whole plot and the extra Tragedy it all brings also. like to know the ending will#break your heart (but be also some sort of stunning catharsis) and to watch it all!!! again!!!! aaagh.#fun facts about the first time i watched adamandi proper after looking through the tumblrs and half-spoiling it for myself.. i went in with#the strangest assumptions of portia dies/ vincent makes a virus that kills the other nominees instead of actually stabby stabby and the#new invented biological thing would make him the winner a-la frankenstein style //. quincy cuts off his hand????? i am not sure where any#of these came from T-T but im glad i was wrong on literally every count.#miscellaneous brainrots from re-watching.. in the very very start i think vincent is wearing a mask in word to the wise?? like it was probs#a covid safety thing but it makes me go teehee for some reason. like the whole infectious thing was foreshadowed LMAO (approx 35 seconds in#also the balloons. and the admin. and the balloons. the way it's horrific and the balloons gently rain down#and you can see them bounce in the stunned silence. ooo that little detail. what a moment.#also at this point? i have been noticing the little inconsistencies in actions btwn shots but a) they're not seeable unless you're looking#Closely like i was for specific moments as references.. and b) it makes u think about the inconsistency of theatre as a medium and how nth#is ever delivered the same two ways which is really just !!!! to me. smth smth so so many ways to intepret characters and how everything is#always in flux every single cycle. theatre medium my beloved.#last side note from now: i am so abnormal about the marmorius society members who were phaethon nominees in their own right and instead#perished helping ambrose with HIS project. like. that is some sort of love there isn't it? like???? yes they're all bullies and awful but.#i've been reaching tag limit really quickly with all the recent posts. rambles i guess. so so many thoughts. well actual tags now i guess!#vincent aurelius lin#beatrix valeria campbell
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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okay i'm struggling again
#she bork#tbd#idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile.#weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i#could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it#being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in#this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking#crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i#want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and#bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true#responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not#healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing#to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored.#and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and#there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you#just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that
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are u entering a jon hamm phase?
#my posts#jon hamm#I'M HONESTLY SO FRUSTRATED AND IT'S LIKE...beyond the USUAL frustration that i feel#when i get suckered into an imdb walk for a very Basic Looking White Dilf who happened to turn a key in my brain under a blue moon!!!!!#the thing is that YES i'm going through a H A M M phase and it is COMPLETELY the fault of unpretty's Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts series#on account of Jon Hamm is their ideal fancast for bruce wayne and honestly it's a GOOD CASTING#but then i remembered that i saw baby driver once upon a time and thought buddy and darling were super hot and now i'm HERE#WATCHING FUKKKKING MAD MEN AND BEING MISERABLE ABOUT IT#it's not that jon hamm is a bad actor - he does a very good job actually! the Emmy was deserved!#it's not even that it's his ONLY good work - he does OTHER WORK and in different genres than '60s drama and he does well!#it's simply that none of jon hamm's work really CLICKS with me in the way I'm looking for when i do an imdb walk#i like to be able to like...ROOT for the character my current fave plays? I like them to be an Empathetic Protagonist?#preferrably in a genre setting and/or with interesting and attractive costuming so I can ooh and ahh?#keanu reeves was GREAT for this. keanu has a lot of suitable Leading Man roles that lent themselves well to imdb walk#but the H A M M -as i have said - seems to EXCLUSIVELY play roles along a very specific spectrum!!!#either he's some kind of Mid to Highly Toxic Masculinity Man who is Handsome (TM) and knows it and is a jerk#or there is Nothing Behind Those Eyes except part of the humor is that it's jon hamm so no one ever like...pegs his himbo characters#the whole point of them seems mostly to laugh at them and never to exploit the appeal of Golden Retriever Boyfriend#it's less of a spectrum than a venn diagram but THE WHOLE THING is that Don Draper is jon hamm's most famous role#and while Mad Men is such an aesthetically pretty show it does NOT SPARK JOY IN ME. EVERYONE IS CYNICAL AND MISERABLE ALL THE TIME#and the rest of the H A M M's filmography seems to be deliberately in reaction to don draper in SOME form#but sadly the reaction never goes to roles that i find the most endearing? WHICH IS SUCH A PETTY COMPLAINT AND MY TASTE IS VERY BAD#BUT LIKE...THAT'S WHY I'M IN DENIAL ABOUT THIS IMDB WALK AND GENERALLY FEELING SAD ABOUT IT
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making funny haha jokes to myself like "oh i'm doing so fine" *extreme side eye from the dishes in my sink*..... only to finally do my dishes tonight and discover all my tupperware have become their own microbiomes. fuck
#i am pretty sure i am riding that depression wave hard right now#i am just so stressed all the time#and i feel like i could fix some of that stress if i checked a few very specific things off my to do list#here's the thing tho. i am realizing i might need outside help to get those things done#and that is uncomfortable for two reasons#one being that means i will have to ask someone to help me do these things and be my external motivator#and put up with me being cranky the whole time because i will be deeply embarrassed about it and will end up taking it out on them#and then two being that. these things are for grad school. and if i can't even get the fucking applications done on my own#how the fuck do i think i'm going to be able to get through two years by myself??#also i am so sleepy and my sleep schedule has been fucked for like two weeks now and that's not helping#and i need to do things to my car and make several doctors appointments and work stuff and apartment stuff#and everything happening in the world and stuff happening with my friends and my family#and i just. how i am supposed to live with this much in my brain all the time#and i'm reading fanfic and comparing myself to the characters and coming up miserably short#and i hate the way i look all the time and i could do something intelligent like.#stop eating gummy worms and meat sticks for every meal and eat veggies and go to the gym and learn to love myself...#or i could decide my straight hair is the root of all my problems and get a perm#you know. like a normal person does#it's OK!! I'm Fine!!! aaaaaaaaaa
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every now and then i remember im somewhere on the aroace spectrum and i just kinda stop in my tracks and go 'huh!' and try not to sit on it for very long
#i dont really? get crushes? ive never fallen in love#ive defo felt attraction/infatuation#but the idea of living in a space with someone else and being romantic with them.... it would have to be a very specific kind of person.#to the point where i often feel its unlikely i would find someone like yhat#i dont know if its also because of my autism because thats always made sharing spaces with people hell for me#i dont go on holidays with my family anymore because they make me miserable#havent for 6 or 7 years now#i was surprised by how easy it was to coexist with my roommates on the greek/italy trip i went on when i was 17#but i suspect that was because i'd known and been close friends with one of the girls for 5 years#and i suspect both are also on the spectrum. at the very least they have some autistic traits that dont quantify a diagnosis#but made coexisting in the same space without encroaching on one another very easy#as for sex im just neutral on that#dont care much either way#so i guess this would make me demi? if i were to be specific#but that feels exhausting to have to come out as and explain over and over so i dont#which is why i just call myself bi because that fits#im bi and im demi#this was brought on by going through the trending aroace tag and being like ''wow i relate to everything here a bit. Too much''#as someone who was on tumblr during 2017-2019 i saw the worst of the exclusionist community and the fake aroace blogs made for mockery#i'd say thats a large reason i try not to dwell on it#all of that has just made me so uncomfortable to think on/about my sexuality
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well here’s the thing right i feel like i can’t work on aphelion for long periods of time because it’s just absolutely fucking miserable. like i already UN-miserable-fied it a few times in the past draft but it’s still a huge fucking bummer. now that suddence is getting a rest, i think maybe i’ll secretly start another wip so that i don’t have to spend all my writing time on the miserable chunky potato cream soup that is aphelion
#em dashes#i haven't even really gotten to the actual miserable parts yet#this is all just setup#and already i'm like fuck. shit. idk if i can do this#i'd rather be working on my sapphic fantasy thing#but i also don't want to just straight up abandon aphelion#i don't think it's gotten to that point#i just Have to be in a very specific mood to work on it#AND it's a polish pass so i can't just write whatever i want to bulk up the word count the way i did with suddence
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tw ed :[ sowwy
#tw ed#ack it isnt talked about enough how fucking bad eds are basically everybody i know has had one#tbf since moving to college i have realized that going to art school til gr 12 has put me in a very specific environment of mostly#people who are fucked up the same way i am#but like shit is killing a generation if youve seen the adolescent toronto psych wards jesus#its so so cruel and evil and having an ed is such a miserable existence bc#despite everything you stand against morally .. there is a bug in yr brain#and it is so difficukt to talk about because the nature of the disease is that you dont wanna quit!! so theres always a sense of pride in#talking abt the struggles#anyways#trying not to cry thinking about how im probably not gonna live past 30#i havent been able to keep food down in three days fuck this shit my body is so ruined my body is so fucjed#and im in recovery before turning 18!! im lucky!!#i hate it im already aware of it but it feels almost roo late sometimes#fuck dance industry fuck eds fuck addiction whatevr#mad bc stomach ache literally it#im just grumpy cuz tummy hurts#laying in bed chewing carrots very slowly :-(((((( i want to enjoy yummy food i was to est mac and cheese w out vomiting#if u have an ed you have my sympathies and kill that shit before you hurt someone else bc it is a lame ass way to die#i cant function without so many meds arggg why do they literally groom us for like. early death. mad. mad. tummy hurtx
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michael was haunted by leon but nica wasn’t... nica not being haunted by leon did not mitigate the suffering she underwent... thinking abt it forever
#nica stamatis#leon stamatis#michael tate#greater boston spoilers#yadda yadda made a unprived post abt it already#''haunted'' having a very specific definition that does not apply to all grieving characters#and michael was haunted by leon because. although leon loved all of his friends and family. his relationship with michael was. different.#that relationship wasn't MORE than the other ones in any way. it was just. different.#leon's soul very quickly became tethered to michael's. once he was brought back.#leon apparently felt a special need to help michael in specific. despite the fact that michael wasn't the only one struggling#and we. still haven't gotten an explanation for why it was HIM and not ANYONE ELSE#and until the writers come out and say that it isn't that deep#i choose to believe tha it's because of this stuff#being haunted is DIFFERENT from what nica was going through but it isn't WORSE#being haunted is ONE unhealthy way to take the death of a loved one but it isn't the ONLY WAY or inherently the WORST way#by far the most miserable characters in the podcast are a restless ghost and the brother he haunts#so haunting CAN be REALLY BAD#but it is not INHERENTLY the WORST#interesting distinction to me. given how. you know. scary haunting is. you'd IMAGINE it'd be inherently the worst#like there's a sliding scale of ''bad'' and ''worst'' and haunting's at the end of it#but not only is it NOT. there is no sliding scale! because that's not how this works!#most of michael's suffering was done at the hands of ~supernatural influence~ and nica's was extremely magic-free#but they were BOTH still really really really bad!!!!!#grater bluecheese
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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well hey at least i have therapy on the 13th
#and too bad i also keep feeling i'm failing my therapist too! lmao#i don't wish it upon anyone to end up where i am right now with thoughts#my nightmares were awful and i am not happy about anything going on#only the occasional blessings of people being nice to me when i'm out in public and masking what's going on#i feel like a discarded piece of shit nobody wants around. simple#and i don't even blame whoever feels this way#only friends i got over here can only joke around and won't be able to talk seriously to me#and i refuse to burden closer people with myself even more than i already do#so i'll keep being silent and pretending i'm fine and nothing's going on#and maybe things will just stop on their own#i don't wish anyone to be loved and betrayed by love and learn paranoia and mistrust#you become a specific type of miserable. it's just becoming worse and worse#and i'm very tired#tbd
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the difficulty of trying 2 explain to ppl that im Not being self deprecating or belittling my mental illnesses when i say something that could be perceived as overly critical towards myself but that thise things actually r true abt me. ppl did die.
#i wrote a whole post trying to explain and then i realized it judt wasnt particularly worth it so i out it in the drafts. so i wrote for#like 20 minutes and all i got is soooo insanely dissociated . can we kill connor im sick of this fucking guy#idk. i wish often incould just project my brain on a wall or sometjing abd ppl would get it and i wouldnt have to explain it#bc everytjing i say even when it sounds crazy or it sounds oike im habing a breakdown its like. its how it actually is its the truth but#nobody ever fucking understands bc i cant. word it in a way that makes it make sense to people#like my most prominent 'delusion' i cant fucking explain it to people bc theyre like Woah thats rly rly rly concerning and sounds like its#rly harmful for yourself to believe that but it literally isnt I have to believe it bc its one of the only things that actually is keeping#me alive but if i ever fucking talk abt it nobody understands it#sometimes it is very scary and it makes me miserable that its true but i know that it is true. ive woken up in terror crying abt it Multiple#times but ik that its true and its a good thing its true bc it means i am alive roght now. as alive as i always am at least#but wtvr. the post wasnt even originally abt that#it was abt dropout stuff and like. yk. bc when i say I dropped out bc i was lazy and whiny ppl think im being mean 2 myself and erasing like#the depression and the ptsd and the Identity shit and the dissociation and the panic attacks and the seizures and grief and stuff#but its like. yes all that also was going on but i also was just lazy. if i wasnt lazy i couldve judt fucking graduated and i wouldnt be#trapped now#<- That is only true for me . ik thats like a stupid thing to say but this is why i cant rlt Be honest abt how i feel abt myself dropping#out is bc i get horrific fucking guilt bc i Was judt lazy and fucking stupid and i Am a bad person for not graduating hs#but that is not true for other dropouts for other dropouts deopping out doesnt mean youre dumb or lazy and it doesnt make you a bad person#but its different for me ik everybody thinks theyre the exception but i am i Am just lazy i am just stupid and its my fault. specifically.#idk i need to go lke slam my head into a wall.#idk what happened i wasnt fucking doing bad and then i made like. a loghthearted post abt sometjing and derailed in the tags and now its#oh i remembered. i tried to sign up for a ged class and encountered 1 obstacle and fucking gave up . God. i loterally havent changed at all#we neeedddd to get rid of connor or at least get a bew one in so fucking sick of being rhe one im so sick of being Connor i dont want it#anymore . head on pike#idk. im fine. im just habing a momey. im.probably judt pissy bc i didnt sleep. maybe ill take an edible
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god went what if I made a clingy one and then made me
#➳ the fool speaks#but like specifically with the idea in mind of someone really clingy but not in an outright disordered way i think#like do i get fucking miserable and depressed without my beloveds? nooo i just sit by my phone like a very sad dog waiting for them to be#online y'know :(
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Honestly I lowballed the amount tbh because a lot of times I'll copy the drawing file or whatever because I'm like "this is too many layers I need a cleaner space" and then I can delete some I'm not using like sketch/reference images etc. and keep working while still having those layers available in the previous file in case I need them for something while making more layers in the secodn file. So maybe it's like 200+
#the drawing process for me is incredibly slow and detailed#not a piece itself being detailed but moreso like the way a cat moves around and takes a long time to settle before falling asleep#as in the experience is 'detailed'#i have a very specific way of doing things that is often not very efficient or anything its just my preferred way of doing it#i like the 'drawing experience' or whatever though like I don't really feel impatient or like frustrated or anything while drawing#like how umm some people may find some aspects difficult in a frustrating way etc. im sort of just like 🙂 about it all#I'm unable to draw quickly/prolifically lol so its good I have found joy in the slowness i guess#because im not able to draw for long stretches of time anyway bc of carpal tunnel etc.#and in general am just a slow person tbh#im very peculiar about everything i do in life tbh. and also incredibly slow at everything i do because of this#but at least im not miserable and frustrated about this like i have been in the past#i ❤️ the drawing experience#words#mine#hashtag the creative process
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