#there’s something particularly depressing about seeing those advice posts

[sleepymaddy]

.

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[aphrostarot]

Welcoming Happiness Pick a Pile

What is blocking you from experiencing happiness and how can you clear those blockages? Also, why do you deserve to be happy and what will make you happy?

As this is a general collective reading, some things may not resonate with you or your situation. DO NOT try forcing it to fit. If you would like to book a personalized reading with me go to my profile and follow the instructions on my pinned post.

If you enjoyed this reading and wanted to support me further you can do so by tipping me in the link in my bio or by booking a personal reading with me.

Pile One:

How can you accept joy into your life?

The Luminaries:

It is tradition for artists’ tarot decks to include a special edition card that encapsulates their tarot deck. This is this deck’s card. The Luminaries depicts a trio of friends who overlook a city glowing with light. They represent the many sides of humanity and the nature of existing. When this card appears in a reading, it is telling you to listen to your inner voice, and draw from your own experiences when seeking wisdom and advice. So, when it comes to how you can begin to accept joy into your life, your spirit guides are telling you that you already know how to do this, you just need to listen to your gut. Whatever your first instinct is when you think of how to be more happy, that is the answer. Only you know what it is that will bring joy into your life.

What obstacles are preventing you from experiencing happiness?

King of Wands:

This situation calls for you to step into a leadership role rather than the passive role you have been playing in your life for quite some time. You are a natural-born leader, but you have been ignoring this side of yourself for whatever reason. With this card coming out here, it is your guide's way of telling you that enough is enough, it is time for you to take charge of your own happiness and stop relying on others or the universe to bring it to you. You could be a fire sign (Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius) particularly Aries. Or have prominent fire placements in your chart.

How can you overcome these obstacles to happiness?

Six of Wands:

The road to success is often paved with difficulties but, having this card come out here, is telling you that success is something you can achieve. You will see happiness again in your life, you just need to stay on course and not let these obstacles hold you back. Keep your eye on the prize and maintain your determination to achieve success, and it will come to you.

Why are you worthy of cultivating happiness?

Ten of Wands:

You are a talented and hardworking individual who has faced many challenges in their life. You have faced more challenges than the average person does in their lifetime, and this is something that makes you so incredibly strong. However, it seems that you do not see that in yourself. It seems as though you are hyper self-critical, and you tend to ignore your own problems because you're afraid of them. Instead, you shoulder the burdens of everyone around you, which makes you suffer more. You may think that doing this makes you a good person which it may, but it does not help you, and it is time for you to help yourself. This is why you deserve happiness, because you have gone through enough struggles that it is time for you to experience some joy.

What sources can bring you happiness?

Six of Swords:

You are not happy with where your life is at currently and this has been leaving you quite depressed. The Six of Swords talks about moving on from the past and looking forward to the future, this is what needs to be done in order for you to experience happiness. As far as what can bring you happiness right now, travel could be something that will make you happy. Take a break from your day-to-day life and go to a body of water, whether that be a river, the ocean, a lake, a pond, a pool, etc. whatever it is, this card is telling you that going on a boat or just going somewhere near water will bring you some joy.

Bottom of the deck energy:

Knight of Pentacles:

The Knight of Pentacles is the slowest moving court card, what this means for your life and welcoming happiness is that this will not come overnight. You have struggled for so long in your life and have developed these behaviors and mindsets you have as a result, and the act of changing these things and redirecting your mind to a more positive place will not happen fast. This is something that requires you to be patient. Now, as we know the six of wands came out which is the card of success so, this is your guides telling you that you will experience happiness in the future it just may not come as soon as you would like.

What does happiness look like for you? (Extended Reading)

Pile Two:

How can you accept joy into your life?

The Lovers:

A lesser known meaning of the Lovers is making a choice. There is some sort of choice that needs to be made in your life, pile two. Your spirit guides want you to know that there is no going backward from this point. You must decide which way to continue, and then make your move. It may be that those of you who chose this pile believe that you do not deserve happiness in your life or believe that you do not need to actively work to feel happiness, and if that is the case then the choice you need to make is to allow yourself to feel the joy you have been suppressing. Neither choice is “wrong” or “bad” – they’re simply different, and it’s up to you to decide which path you want to take. Use your head, but don’t ignore your heart and intuition.

What obstacles are preventing you from experiencing happiness?

The Seven of Cups:

This is yet another card telling you about needing to make a decision. Some of you may be overwhelmed by choices in your life, and you don’t know which path to take. For others, it may be that you can’t seem to find any path, you are too stuck in your own head to see the path that's laid out in front of you. Either way, it seems that the obstacle that is keeping you from experiencing joy in your life, pile two, is your inability to make a choice and move forward on that path.

How can you overcome these obstacles to happiness?

The Star:

In order for you to get through these obstacles to happiness, you may need to find hope, inspiration, or renewed faith. This could involve seeking out new sources of inspiration or reconnecting with your core beliefs and values. Remember, even in the darkest times, the Star’s light can guide you towards a positive and hopeful future. This card suggests that you may be feeling discouraged or doubting your abilities, which is hindering your progress. To overcome this, it is essential to cultivate self-belief, seek out motivation, and potentially explore spiritual or philosophical teachings that can provide guidance and insight.

Why are you worthy of cultivating happiness?

The Five of Cups and The Nine of Swords;

Both of these cards talk about grief and sadness in the deepest forms. What this means, in terms of you deserving to be happy, is that you simply deserve it. You’ve been through so much darkness in your life, and have been living in that darkness for quite some time now, you deserve a break. You deserve to have some light in your life.

What sources can bring you happiness?

Justice and The Three of Swords:

You have experienced some deep heartbreak in your life. Whether it be recently or in the past, either way, it has stuck with you and made it difficult for you to ever truly experience happiness in your life. Your guides are saying here that a source of happiness for you is simply healing this wound, getting justice for the wrongs you have faced. Confronting the consequences of the past, seeking closure through fairness, or addressing unresolved issues may be necessary for healing and moving on. This suggests that your ability to move on from this past relationship may be hindered by unresolved issues or past actions that have not been properly confronted or addressed. Seeking closure, acknowledging past mistakes, and striving for fairness in future interactions can help you heal and move forward.

Bottom of the deck energy:

The Four of Pentacles:

Have you been feeling a bit bored lately? Exhausted, even? The four of cups coming out at the bottom of the deck is a sign that life has been feeling heavier than usual for you. Maybe you’ve been a little more wrapped up in yourself than usual lately. The four of cups can indicate that you’ve been dealing with stagnation as a result of you becoming a little self-absorbed, or simply mentally checking out entirely and becoming too apathetic to the world around you. This card is your guide's way of telling you not to give up just yet. Shake the cobwebs from your eyes and do what you need to do to stoke your fires. Now’s the time to make your move, and get back at it. Life is waiting for you.

What does happiness look like for you? (Extended Reading)

Pile Three:

How can you accept joy into your life?

The Page of Wands and The Four of Wands:

The Four of Wands talks about moving forward in life. Whether it be, taking the next step in a relationship, hitting an important career or life goal, or even celebrating a birthday. Whatever it is, it represents positive forward movement. For you pile three, this forward movement is you embracing the happiest version of yourself, which looks like the Page of Wands. Accepting that you are or have a part of yourself that is, a kind, energetic, and optimistic individual is the first step into accepting joy into your life. You may not be the most responsible person, or even the most experienced, but that should not stop you from being in touch with your happiest inner child.

What obstacles are preventing you from experiencing happiness?

The Queen of Wands Reversed:

There is a part of you that doesn’t think the person I described above is you. You see yourself not so much as a bad person but as someone who has a lot of bad qualities and as someone who doesn’t deserve happiness. The Queen of Wands reversed as an obstacle or challenge can represent a need to address personal insecurities, develop self-confidence, or find clarity in your goals. This card encourages introspection and self-improvement, urging you to identify and confront your self-doubts. It’s a reminder that building self-confidence and setting clear, achievable goals can serve as a robust foundation for overcoming any challenge.

How can you overcome these obstacles to happiness?

The Six of Coins:

Here’s the thing, you know how to treat other people with kindness and know how to see the best in everyone you meet. However, you do not know how to do this to yourself. This has caused an imbalance of energy given and energy received within you. The way to overcome this challenge is by leaving this dynamic in the past and allowing yourself to receive the same amount of kindness that you are so willing to give to others.

Why are you worthy of cultivating happiness?

The Hierophant:

The Hierophant coming forward in tarot readings represents a lot of instability in your life. It tells you to find solid ground through tried and true methods; now is not the time to blaze your own path. You deserve happiness because you have been feeling so lost, unfocused, and lonely in your life recently. Your guides are saying that it is time for you to surround yourself with people that you share some sort of commonality with. They are reminding you that there is strength and happiness in a community.

What sources can bring you happiness?

The Eight of Cups and The Hanged Woman:

Taking time for deep self-reflection before making any major decisions is needed at this time. You have been yearning for some passion in your life, especially in a certain area of your life that you feel has lost its vital zest, which is causing you to want to give up on it. This is your guide's way of saying that the way to bring that zest back into that area is by looking inward and finding out why you don’t feel so passionate about it anymore. It is time for you to backtrack and rekindle your fire for an old dream you've been wanting to give up on. Embrace changes in your life and your consciousness in order to welcome happiness into your life. Break up your routines, wake up a bit earlier, take a scenic route to work, grab a latte to go, etc. Whatever it is you need to do, start small and work your way up, and soon you will start to realize that happiness is coming back into your life at a much quicker pace.

Bottom of the deck energy:

The Eight of Swords:

You’ve been feeling stuck, trapped, or backed into a corner in your life at the moment. Whatever the battle you have been fighting, it feels to you like you have to do it alone. You’ve been feeling melancholic, isolated, and maybe even exhausted. This card is telling you that all is not lost. The solution to your problem lies in your perception, so try seeing things from a new perspective. You have the strength to fight your way out of this.

What does happiness look like for you? (Extended Reading)

Pile Four:

How can you accept joy into your life?

The Devil and Two of Swords:

The Two of Swords usually indicates that there is a tough choice to be made. You’re having trouble making this decision, and this could be because you’re lacking clarity. You may be stalling, or even avoiding making a decision altogether, but know that you can’t do this forever. This dilemma won’t magically go away. The solution requires that you take a step back and center yourself so that you can see things more clearly. With the Devil coming out alongside the Two of Swords, this tells me that this decision that needs to be made involves addiction. The Devil presents itself when there has recently been a period of overindulgence in your life. This overindulgence may even have evolved into an addiction. While this can be a frightening card to get in a tarot reading, it’s important to recognize that you have the power to free yourself from the archetypal Devil’s grasp. This coming out here is a warning from your spirit guides that says, “get it together! Restore balance in your life! Don’t succumb to your vices; you’re stronger than they are!” Once you start believing in your own strength, you will be one step closer to accepting joy in your life. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help. If you feel like you need help getting through this, reach out to someone, a therapist, an addiction specialist, a counselor, support groups, etc. Admitting that you require help is courageous, and a powerful first step.

This addiction does not have to be to drugs and alcohol. For some it may be, for others it may be, an addiction to self sabotaging yourself, an addiction to fun, to adrenaline, to sex, etc. Only you know what it is.

What obstacles are preventing you from experiencing happiness?

The Tower Reversed:

You have been resisting change in your life for quite some time now. You know that you have a problem, and you know you need to fix it, but you are afraid of what your life will look like when you change, or you’re afraid of admitting you have a problem. Either way, this resistance will only prolong your difficulties and prevent you from moving forward. It’s important to recognize that while change can be uncomfortable, it is often necessary for personal growth and development.

How can you overcome these obstacles to happiness?

The Four of Cups and The World:

The process of closing one chapter to begin another can often involve a complex mix of emotions and unforeseen obstacles. It’s important to recognize that every transition comes with its own difficulties and requires a period of adaptation. Both of these cards coming out are yet another sign that you have been resisting change and fear the unknown. What you need to do in order to work through these obstacles and get to a happy life, is, let go of your fears, and change your perspective. Which can be easier said than done, but, if you continue the way you have been, happiness will not enter your life, and this is something I know you want, even if you are too afraid to admit it. It is time for you to reach out and ask for help if you feel you can’t do this on your own. Sometimes bouncing your thoughts off of another will help you change your perspective.

Why are you worthy of cultivating happiness?

The Two of Pentacles and The King of Wands:

You are a highly motivated person who knows what they want and will stop at nothing to reach their goals. However, this does not make you overconfident and arrogant, you are very humble and don’t take anything you have accumulated for granted. You have a goal in your mind right now that you have been trying to reach, but you do not have the necessary pieces to get there. Whether it be your finances, a specific mindset, etc. you know what it is you need in order to reach this goal, but you are stuck. This stalemate has caused a deep depression in you, which is why joy is lacking in your life right now. Your guides are saying that you deserve happiness because you have never given up on anything you set your mind to, no matter how many roadblocks get in your way. You have been stuck for quite some time now, but you have not let this stop you from getting creative and finding new ways to get around this block. Your guides say that this is something that deserves to be celebrated.

What sources can bring you happiness?

The Moon and The Eight of Wands:

You have been feeling overly anxious, helpless, and worried in your life at the moment. This is because you have been getting stuck focusing on the negatives in your life and allowing this mindset to control you. When the moon comes out here, it is telling you to shift your perspective. Your guides are saying that once you do this, happiness will be flowing into your life rapidly. Here are some ideas of things to do in the meantime to help you shift your perspective on life; Make sure the people in your life have positive energy and intent. Ask yourself, “Do they have my best interest at heart? Do I feel good when I am around them?” If the answers are “no”, then limit your time spent with them, or consider moving on completely. Make sure you are eating healthy food that will fuel you through this moment in your life, and remember to take your vitamins, and medicine! Lighten up your energy by laughing. Watch a funny video clip, read your favorite comic, or funny book, or listen to a hilarious new podcast. Make sure you are protecting your energy during this time, and make sure you are aware of what energy you are accepting and giving.

Bottom of the deck energy:

The King of Swords:

The obstacle you are facing in your life requires a clear head in order to overcome. Make sure you are clearing your mind and seeing things clearly as you work through these problems as they arise. You have the strength to be a clear-headed, intelligent leader in your life, you just need to channel this energy in order to be it.

What does happiness look like for you? (Extended Reading)

[bumblebeerror]

Yeah, anon, I’m not gonna answer that. I don’t want to post graphic descriptions of murder and maiming randomly.

If you don’t read anything else I’ve written, legitimately, whatever. Please read this next bit.

I mean this in the most genuine and objective way possible, from someone who has struggled with depression for over half my life: you sound severely clinically depressed and should consider seeing a psychiatrist and/or cognitive behavioral therapist.

If you refuse to get therapy, try a hobby. Hard to have something to talk to someone about if they have zero things they’re passionate about. Hard to want to leave your bed if there’s nothing to get up for.

Messaging someone first because you have a crush on them is not the same as reaching out to people you want to befriend. If you do not participate in friendship people will struggle to carry all the weight in any form of friendship/relationship with you.

If you enjoy not having friends, feel free to ignore my advice. No skin off my nose. I only tried to let you know the things I needed bashed into my head at 20, things I wasn’t smart enough to learn properly till I was 24. Just know you get what you give.

The rest is just summarizing the previous points made. I don’t really care if you read that bit, it’s not particularly important considering your clear mental distress you laid out in the latter half of your message, but it’s there.

I’ve no interest in baring my tragic backstory just so you understand that kindness doesn’t mean niceness.

Kindness recognizes that by being alive, a person -EVERY person, has needs - regardless of their actions - and while fufillment of those needs may need to be adjusted based on what someone has done in the past, kindness recognizes those needs regardless and in return treats them as people with needs rather than defaulting to anger or indifference.

Including the need for dignity, self esteem, pride in oneself, bodily autonomy, and the very basic respect that one’s manners dictate.

Prisons are set up, on their surface, to rehabilitate. I don’t know how to explain that the current prison system does not do that, but instead works prisoners as cheap labor for USA made goods, neglects their medical and psychological needs, and allows or even facilitates violence from other prisoners and even guards. That’s clearly not an ideal place to learn how to be a better person, hence the attitude that once one is imprisoned they are now completely and permanently regarded as a criminal and nothing else, ensuring that they will not get their needs met and will continue to to be held in the system. The people you listed off that are convicted of their crimes are sentenced to months years or lifetimes of unmet needs and repeated, incessant trampling of their personhood - and kindness believes that to be a punishment much worse than any crime - because I just described government sanctioned torture.

Bigoted folks are still people. I see no positives to be earned from ignoring someone who needs help. Hearts aren’t changed by indifference.

Ive never said that you must treat people who have done terrible things nicely. I’ve never said they should be given special treatment. I have said over. And over. And over. That I believe they deserve The Bare Fucking Minimum of their needs met.

In absence of this basic idea that people have needs that should be met as much as possible, it becomes incredibly difficult to champion basic human rights, especially for folks who are not perfect examples of their minorities - disabled folks who are noncompliant with treatment, autistic folks who are nonverbal or high support needs or lack empathy or don’t have savant syndrome. Queer folks who don’t conform to gender norms. Angry black folks, PoC in general who commit crimes for any reason, poor folks who act like “trailer trash”. Without the basic understanding that despite their behaviour, these people have needs that should be met, we set an astronomical standard for who within a minority “deserves” to have those needs met.

I am not here to teach you what your parents did not.

You converse like the larval form of Human Pet Guy. I hope you don’t turn out like that dude. Good luck 🫡

[hundredsspoons]

Personal vent post//

I'm just so frustrated rn because it's a constant battle with my body to stay awake and do literally anything productive. Like today, I woke up at 8am ish, went back to sleep around 9am, woke up again at around 11am, went back to sleep around 3pm, woke up at 5pm and now I'm desperately trying to hang on until at least 10 before going to sleep for the night. So I slept about 12 hours.

I'm autistic and have food sensory problems, so I have problems getting nutrition. I'm anemic because of it, and that's presumably why I'm always so tired. Problem is that no nutritionist has given me advice for someone with a disgust for most foods, and the nearest program for ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) is like 100 miles away. Every time I try to talk to a doctor about it, it just leads nowhere. I tried iron supplements and iron infusions, but I had a minor allergic reaction to the infusion and freaked out like an idiot baby. So I haven't tried again.

My mental health reached a new low a few months back when I was particularly stressed about finishing my masters program. Was genuinely suicidal in a way I haven't been in a long time. Had to go home early and am doing the rest of my thesis from home. Had to take another extension. No job. Missed the application deadlines for phd programs for next year. Living like a parasite off my mother at 28.

Got a therapist, but every session feels like I'm trying to convince him that I'm not just lazy, that there's something wrong and it isn't something I can fix so easily. He keeps pushing exercise, and I know that he's probably right about it, I do know that, but I just came off a medication that was making me pass out in public places, plus I still pass out if I exercise and haven't eaten enough, and it makes me nervous about exercise. He like doesn't believe that I pass out. Or like he tells me to brush it off. Like he recommended going to a gym, and I said I don't want to pass out at a gym, and he said gyms are safe places to pass out?? And that an ambulance will be called?? Like those are expensive. And it's embarrassing to pass out at a gym. Part of me thinks I need some tough love. I know I get mopey. I know I'm stuck feeling miserable about myself and that nothing will get better if I don't change. So I'm not sure if he's just saying stuff I don't WANT to hear, you know? But like, the first meeting with him he asked if I could see a future off of prozac. And like?? I was just contemplating killing myself, is now the time to be focused on that?? Am I insane??

I'm racking up quite the count of illnesses that, of course, have no tests to prove their existence. I go through blood tests etc. and in the end the doctor just diagnoses me with the illness you have if you don't have the other illnesses. POTS, IBS, ARFID, a hormonal response to birth control, autism, depression, anxiety. No one takes any of these things seriously, because even the doctors don't take it seriously when they diagnose them. They just want you out of their office. I know my therapist thinks I'm a hypochondriac inventing problems when there are none. Well, I am a hypochondriac. I won't deny it. I have serious medical anxiety. But is it so wrong to want an answer, a real definitive answer, to why you're like this? My therapist keeps telling me ways to create energy like exercise and cold showers. But I guess the problem is that I wish it weren't so hard. I wish my brain and my body worked right. I wish I could stay awake and not feel like death walking for a full day. I'm so mad about it, I don't feel like working productively towards a solution. Everyone thinks I'm a deadbeat and a failure, and I just. don't. know. if they're right or not?? Am I just lazy? Sleeping 12 hours isn't Normal. I spend like maybe an hour or two a day doing things I like. It's not like I'm having a grand ol' time?? It's not fun. But maybe I'm just so lazy that sleep is my favorite thing to do? I do love to sleep. Am I just supposed to live like this forever? Am I supposed to just accept that, if I want to accomplish anything, I'm going to have to feel like complete trash doing it?? This stinks. It stinks!!!

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

[myhoneststudyblr]

every single student in the world has likely procrastinated at some point - i know i definitely have! sometimes i think it can be quite helpful because means that you don't spend every minute of every day studying... but on the other hand, it can become very hard to beat. there are so many advice posts in the community on this topic but i thought that i would share my own tips! 

disclaimer: everyone studies differently and these are my personal tips. they may not work for you but they can be a good starting point 

What is Procrastination?

i found this little summary of procrastinating on the internet and thought it completely covered everything that i wanted to say on this point:

Procrastination is the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead. It is different from laziness, which is the unwillingness to act.

Procrastination can restrict your potential and undermine your career. It can also disrupt teamwork, reduce morale, and even lead to depression and job loss. So, it's crucial to take proactive steps to prevent it.

The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize that you're doing it. Then, identify the reasons behind your behavior and use appropriate strategies to manage and overcome it.

- How to Stop Procrastinating by Mindtools

so what is learnt from this is that:

procrastination is not being lazy 

it is avoiding tasks by doing other easier tasks

it can have negative effects

you need to proactively take steps to avoid it 

first, recognise the procrastinating then use strategies to break the cycle

Conventional Tips

these are the basic tips that are some of the most well-known strategies for ending procrastination and can be some of the most important steps!

1. get organised. tidy up your desk to study space because there is nothing worse than having to work in a place that is chaotic and mess. collect the information you need for the task, for example, notes you've made or a textbook. 

2. to-do lists are your friend. a lot of people (including me) really struggle with timetables for studying because it can seem really structured and there is no flexibility or real allowance for things that may crop up during the day (your food takes longer to cook, you have to unexpectedly do a task around the house, you get a really bad headache and need to take a break). in my opinion, to-do lists help solve this problem! you can clearly see the tasks that you want to get done for the day but you don't have stressful time constraints. personally, i always use todoist to keep track of everything. to-do lists also make it easier to break tasks down

3. break the task down. one of the biggest cause of procrastination is having a huge task or project ahead of you because it seems really daunting and where on earth are you even going to start? so break it down *completely*. in your to-do list, don't just write ‘german homework’, write down even task that you need to do within it and be specific: for example ‘pg. 11 ex 4a, 4b and 4c’, ‘textbook listening task on pg. 47′ and ‘250-word essay on social media in Germany’. breaking it down makes the tasks seem more attainable and when you’ve done one and you can cross it off your list, it gives you a boost to keep going

4. eliminate distractions. this is a big one. even if you do all of the above, if you are constantly being distracted by things, you aren't going to get much done. try to find a place that is quiet enough that you can focus and you feel comfortable studying in. as well as this you need to think about what to do with your phone as the likelihood is that this will be the most distracting thing. you can simply turn it off, put on do not disturb, leave it in another room or use and app like forest (that last one is what i use and i don't know where i would be without it!)

5. use incentives. finishing a task is an achievement so treat it like one! before you study, decide on something that you will give yourself as a reward for doing it. this may be watching that new episode of your favourite programme or a tasty snack! 

6. set timers. don't just launch yourself into a task, because that again can make it seem daunting and feel unending. rather, set a timer for a specific time because you’ll know that you just need to focus for that specific length of time and then you can go take a break and do something nice. for timing your study sessions, you could use the Pomodoro technique 

7. allow for breaks (but try to avoid long ones). you are not a machine and as much as it would be great to be able to, you cant study for hours on end without giving your mind a break from focusing. so schedule in break time for yourself, particularly for times that you know your motivation dips, and do something nice. but be very careful that you don't accidentally slip back into procrastinating habits and keep breaks short. unless you are very disciplined it is unlikely that an hour-long break will stay just an hour.

8. know how you study but don’t be afraid to mix it up. everyone studies differently and so there are going to be some study methods that work better for some than others. so try to make sure that you are studying smart and that you aren't wasting your own time cause that can be incredibly unmotivating. HOWEVER, if there is anything that I’ve learnt from online school its that doing the same task all the time, every day is mind-numbingly boring and you just want to do anything else. so try to switch up what you are doing. if you usually just type notes from the textbook, maybe try doing it in a mindmap one week, or on flashcards, maybe do some practise questions to keep your mind engaged. 

9. play music. now this one really depends on the person and how you study. some people need absolute silence and that is fine, but others need something to fill the silence or maybe cover up background noise (for example if you live in a busy household). try to pick music however that is not going to distract you - the key tips for this is to pick music without lyrics. this can be classical music, video game music, or general ‘chill’ music (there are so many playlists out there for chill studying music). i personally listen to Francesco Parrino religiously while studying because he does piano covers of pop songs, so i know the songs and enjoy them but there are no lyrics that can distract me 

10. stay hydrated, well-rested and not hungry. this is part of eliminating distractions because if you are thirsty, you are going to be thinking about how you want a drink; if you are tired, you are going to be thinking about how tired you are; if you are hungry, you are going to be thinking about what you want for lunch or whatever. make sure you are hydrated, well-rested and not hungry so you can focus solely on your task or work.

Unconventional Tips

these are some slightly more unusual tips that you might not have seen before but that I've nevertheless found very useful!

1. video yourself or do a timelapse. this is something that I’ve only recently done because i saw a tip on this from someone during my quarantine challenge and thought that it would be cool to do. and it really works! i did it twice once when i was typing notes and a second time when i was handwriting notes and it really made me focus on what is as doing because the video put some pressure on me to look like i was properly studying - i could take a 5-minute break in the middle of my work to mess around with my pen, I just had to keep going so it really forces you to do the work. also watching the video when i was done made me really proud cause i had visual proof of how much i completed!

2. accept that some days you are going to get very little done. this may seem a little bit odd to put on a post that is meant to avoid getting nothing done but it’s actually a very important thing to remember. sometimes you need to take days off because otherwise you are going to burnout and some days you are just not going to be in the right mindset for studying because maybe you are exhausted after a big exam, or you have a headache or you feel unwell. you just need to accept it, draw a line under it, take time for yourself, and resolve yourself to work tomorrow once you feel a bit better. there is no shame in taking time to make sure you stay healthy. if you can, try to get your quickest, easiest task done so you have some sense of accomplishment.

3. ‘churn it out and f**k off’. this was my mum’s motto when she was studying and working in academia. and she recently told it to me when i was getting stressed about all the big tasks during online school. i am a perfectionist and i always want to hand in my very best work, put 100% into everything, but honestly that is impossible. some days you just need to get stuff done and if that isn't your very best then it doesn't matter too much because at least you got it done. and once you get it done you can just forget about it.

4. ask a friend or parent to check up on you. when you are studying by yourself it can be hard to motivate yourself because you know that no ones actually going to check whether you made those votes or did the reading, so ask a friend or someone you live with to check whether you've done the work or get them to read essays. you then get an external reason to study or do your tasks because you need to show them something.

5. rephrase how you think of tasks. when you think that ‘you need to do this task’ or ‘you have to get this done’, a lot of the time this causes unneeded stress and anxiety that is not going to help you at all. also it makes it seem like you are being forced to do something and human beings generally don't act great when they are forced to do something. so try to change your language when thinking about task into one that is more forgiving such as ‘i choose to do this project so that i can go meet my friends tomorrow’ and ‘i choose to read this book now because it will help me in the lecture next week’. this is probably the most difficult strategy on this list and it will take a lot of practice (i am certainly still practising it) but in the long term, it can help you change the way in which you view studying for the better. 

✨✨✨

i hope this was helpful and that these tips will be useful, and perhaps you've discovered some new ones! if anyone has anything to add please feel free to reply or reblog with the advice <3

[deadpresidents]

Are you listening to the podcast about Lady Bird Johnson? What do you think of it?

Yes, I absolutely listened to the recent podcast about Lady Bird Johnson -- "In Plain Sight" -- and I thought it was fantastic! Lady Bird was a brilliant, fascinating, and impressive figure who played a significant role in shaping the position of First Lady into that of a public servant with a unique platform to further important issues that she cared about. And, as the podcast illustrates, she was also one of the shrewdest and most steadfast political consultants that President Johnson relied on for advice, inspiration, and comfort. In many ways, she was a true partner of LBJ, despite his vices and demons. Listening to phone calls, diary entries, and speeches make it clear that Lady Bird was often the pillar of strength that fortified her husband who frequently plunged into the depths of depression, anxiety, and self-doubt even though he was undoubtedly a political and legislative genius.

The "In Plain Sight" podcast reinforces something I wrote in a 2013 essay about the relationship between LBJ and Lady Bird:

Lyndon Johnson was not easy to live with.  His larger-than-life personality and overflowing ego was constantly engaged in a see-saw battle with insecurity, a lack of confidence, and an overpowering fear of failure.  In every election that Johnson ever contested, there came a point where he was dominated by the thought that he would lose and all but decide to quit the race before Election Day.  In almost every one of those elections (and he only lost one election in his long political career), LBJ fell seriously ill shortly before Election Day.  Whether it was due to Johnson’s tendency to work himself to exhaustion or partly due to a psychosomatic condition is not completely clear, but Doris Kearns Goodwin would later write that "Personal rejection was so unbearable to Johnson, so mortally threatening, that withdrawal was necessary…Episodes of rejection, actual or apprehended, seem[ed] to cripple Johnson’s faculties and even, at times, interrupt his normal state of physical health and vitality.” It was Lady Bird who could calm him in troubled times.  While Lyndon Johnson is remembered as a political maestro, particularly in legislative politics, Lady Bird had great political intuition and knew how to handle Lyndon himself.  LBJ could be cruel and coarse – not just to his colleagues and staff, but to Lady Bird.  In a 1994 interview with The Washington Post, Lady Bird admitted as much.  “Our was a compelling love,” she said.  “Lyndon bullied me, coaxed me, at times even ridiculed me, but he made me more than I would have been.  I offered him some peace and quiet, maybe a little judgment.” That humility was not false humility; it was Lady Bird’s characteristically earnest belief.  Yet, she arguably offered him more than he offered her.  When he was sick, she helped care for him.  When he was depressed, she helped make his life as easy as possible.  She motivated him in a way that nothing else could – not even his intense drive to prove himself or ceaseless ambition for the power to help change things.  If Lyndon Johnson was a hurricane – a force to be reckoned with, Lady Bird Johnson was the quiet breeze and warm sunshine which helped settle everything in the storm’s wake.  I’m not sure Lyndon Johnson made Lady Bird more than she could have been, but I’m positive that Lady Bird helped LBJ become who he was.

I definitely recommend checking out the "In Plain Sight: Lady Bird Johnson" podcast, but I'd also suggest picking up the book written by the podcast's host Julia Sweig, Lady Bird Johnson: Hiding in Plain Sight (BOOK | KINDLE), which goes even deeper into the remarkable life of one of our most accomplished First Ladies.

[meimae]

Look at me, not being on time for my April Immersion Overview as is the usual. (・w・;

First, little blog updates to get out of the way:

I reached 100 followers! Got an influx of people checking out my 1 year update post, and got plenty of nice compliments on my data collection.

For those of you wondering just why I keep up with so much data, it's mostly because it can get really hard to notice how much you're improving in a language especially with something like immersion learning that for people who don't get it feels like a waste of time or a time sink.

Graphs showing consistency, improvement in reading speed, increasing vocabulary counts, and generally just seeing numbers grow turns language learning more fun and motivating for me, and if as a bonus, it encourages someone to try immersion learning then that would be cool!

With that said, whether you're here as a fellow language learner, graphs enthusiast (笑), or just want some Japanese media recommendations, ようこそ! 

Also, made a tiny DP change - it’s チト from 少女週末旅行. Pretty sure it’s the first manga series I ever finished in Japanese (not the first one I started since ちはやふる is still ongoing), and I always felt a bit of a ☆connection☆ with  her - between her book-loving personality and being a no-nonsense kind of person, there was no way for me not to enjoy her character. Great beginner anime/manga if you’re not into most beginner recommendations.

-☆-

April has been a pretty good immersion month, as I was able to dip my toes in a variety of media. A bit competitive, too! The club I joined has been pulling all the stops to get to the Top 20 Immersion Leaderboard in it’s first month. I was able to snag the 9th spot among a bunch of people of different comprehension levels (the majority being N1+ since they’re able to comprehend much more and in turn stand longer immersion hours). Lots of tiny complaints though of potential “whitenoising” content (”listening” and ��reading” but not comprehending very well just to get a large number to post), but really what can you do? People lie all the time on the internet. Besides, it’s internet points that doesn’t do anything beyond being a little shiny I guess.

Enough about that, let’s get into the nitty-gritty details you came here for!

ANIME

フルーツバスケット

Might need to rewatch this one. Felt like I didn’t connect with the characters the way the rest of its fandom has. I’m kinda sad about it, since I normally love Slice of Life and Fantasy, and I know this is one of my friend’s diehard shows.

ラブライブ! School Idol Project S2

A filler anime to watch tbh. Nice and easy enough to follow for beginners. Pretty good songs. With regards to it being a show about music and moe, I still 100% prefer K-On! if I’m going to be honest, but for a show about non-toxic idols, it’s good!

魔法少女まどか☆マギカ

First read this as English translated manga when I was 13 or something. Mistakes were made. Let’s all just agree to throw キュウベえ into a pit of fire and never talk about it again. Great ending and a show that really reworked the magical girl genre. But seriously, I was traumatized by マミ’s death then and now, help.

四月は君の嘘

Already knew what was going to happen even before watching this so I didn’t ugly cry like I was expecting. Still got that awful sinking feeling though. 10/10 would recommend for a good cry. Also, I’m planning to read the manga, might enjoy that more, because I’ve always liked it more than anime actually. *shocked pikachu face*

ホリミヤ

Watched before I even finished the manga which felt like a mistake at first until I realized that it perfectly stops where I stopped reading. Nice and comfy anime, the kind I would have loved as a teen. Fun animation too, making parts very dramatic even though it wasn’t really that deep of an issue even in the manga. Just teens feeling feelings. Still salty that we lose bad boy styled 宮村, but I get why it had to happen.

AUDIOBOOKS

氷菓

Second re-listen. I understand it fine, but it’s very easy to drift off when you can’t catch all the words so I had to replay often. Will have to mine more from the anime/book.

君の名は

I mined from the anime, and was really pleased to be able to follow all 6 hours of this audiobook perfectly fine. Will need to read the book, because I realized just how seamless reading it would be after listening to it with hardly any issue.

BOOKS

キッチェン

Completed! Read my thoughts about it and see my stats on this post.

君の膵臓を食べたい

Still trudging on with this one. It’s not a bad story, it’s pretty well written actually, I just made the mistake of watching both the anime and live adaptation first, so I know exactly what’s going to happen and it’s killing my motivation to keep reading. I guess reading the book first before watching the movie still applies in any language with me. Really need to 頑張れ and finish so I can move on. 

三日間の幸福

Started reading towards the end of the month, mostly because I realized that every chapter is only 5000-15000 characters long, and I was able to read up to 40k in a day with Island most days. Only two chapters read so far though because I got distracted by manga, but it’s shaping up to be a really good plot and potentially a really sad one, too, so I’m interested.

DRAMA

花ざかりの君たちへ イケメンパラダイス

Heard this was a classic so I gave it a try. Loved 生田 斗真’s character in this one the most especially all his internal dialogue acted out. Also, 小栗 旬 in anything is bound to be a good watch. Simple and fun watch. They dragged the ending so much though lmao 

ごくせん

Look, I see 松本 潤, I click. Definitely the kind of show you should watch for some great life advice. Planning to watch the 2nd and 3rd seasons even if there is a terrible lack of 松本 潤, because I love my strong female protagonists, and man, ヤンクミ is such a great character. Need to read the manga, too, if I can find it.

極主夫道

Oof, this was kind of hard. The yakuza talk was throwing me off, but the rest of it was enjoyable. Not really plot heavy as I thought it was going to be. The comedy side of it was fun and predictable after the first few episodes. Overall, pretty good slice of life, family story with a twist.

MANGA

Read a bunch of manga this month, mostly because I am struggling to find the next vn to read.

おやすみプンプン

Read a couple of volumes (6-7). This manga is so good, but it’s so depressing I need to stop to take a breather every once in a while. Please don’t leave any spoilers. The club has been reacting to me reading this, and it has mostly been a lot of crying emotes. It’s both been enjoyable to see and really worrying. 笑

チェンソーマン

Club recommendation. Only read the 1st volume so far. I really need to get into more 少年 anime/manga. That’s currently my 苦手 genre which is awful because literally all the top anime/manga is 少年 help. I just can’t enjoy it much still even though it’s comprehensible to me.

ちはやふる 中学生編

Read Vol. 1, chill read to me at this point after reading 45 volumes of the regular manga. Look, it’s my favorite 幼馴染 manga in baby format, of course I’m going to read this! 太一 has been a flake way before season 3 confirmed. Don’t come at me たいちはや stans bc I also like his character.

約束のネバーランド

Volume 7. I’m taking my sweet time with this one, because I heard the anime for season 2 sucked, so I’m avoiding it like the plague. This is 少年 how am I enjoying this and not everything else what.

ヲタクに恋は難しい

Enjoyed the anime hated the movie why did they make it a musical that sucked (ps i normally love musicals hated this one) 

The オタク jargon is kinda hard to read suprisingly but I do enjoy this ship very much. It’s a lighthearted take to otaku culture which is great because seriously it’s scary out there.

ツバサ -RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE-

It’s my childhood ship, obviously I will read this again (read in English several years ago). Still as plot twisty as I remember it being (now at a bonus hard level reading it in Japanese 笑). Really enjoyed reading this one (I finished it this May).

-☆-

I’m starting to really dislike furigana in manga. It was a great help as a beginner, but now it’s like training wheels that you can’t take off. I feel like the gains I’m getting from manga is much lower than it was when I first started which makes me both proud of how far I’ve come, but also sad because I love manga. Sad that I might have to start choose VNs over it, because it’s not going to challenge me as much going forward. I mean it didn’t stop me from reading a lot of it this month, but you get the picture.

VISUAL NOVELS

ISLAND

Completed! See my stats and read my long spoiler filled post here.

ファタモルガーナの館

Picked up this VN and finished two doors (15 hours) before stopping. On the fence about it, because it has been kind of predictable so far, and I don’t particularly enjoy the horror genre. That said, this is more psychological than anything, so it’s probably not that that’s putting me off. The language is not exactly difficult, too - maybe some oddly specific words because it is after all historical fiction (which is one of my favorite genres, btw), and 敬語 is definitely interesting to read for once after encountering so many お嬢様 characters in anime/drama so far. 

I think maybe it’s the conversations that are kind of dull - dots (silence) every few clicks that keeps breaking the flow of reading. Probably judging it really harshly too early, because it’s rated so high everywhere, and I just have high expectations. Definitely not dropping it yet though, just taking a break and testing a couple of other VNs before I settle with whatever I end up choosing. It is, after all, going to be another 50+ hour read, and I just don’t want to not enjoy the process, because having fun with the process is a huge part of immersion learning.

Let me know if you’ve read Fata and if I should continue! 

-☆-

That’s it for this month!

If you have any suggestions on what to watch and read next, please send me a reply, especially for VNs because I’m struggling over here.

[latermatt]

I was reading about alexithymia, but the forum I found wouldn't let me post, so I have to dump my thoughts here.

Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions is relatively common, with about 5x the prevalence in those with autism. This seemed like a pretty good read about it (I skimmed).

I took the quiz (I know) and scored high in all categories except for relationship difficulties. The quiz was interesting, actually in the same way that my evaluation for autism was. There were some questions which I knew exactly what purpose they served and what my response would mean, while others blindsided me with how mundane they could be— as if there was no conceivable response beyond my own. I was diagnosed with autism (level 2? they called it "moderate" at the time) and have always considered myself an empathetic person. But maybe I don't know what empathy is. Maybe what I feel is closer to sympathy.

When I read a story on facebook for example, whether it's one of those "feel-good" stories or a tribute to an old dog that just died, I tend to have a very strong emotional response that I always identified as empathy. But empathy isn't a feeling, is it? I may just be highly emotional, and without the tools to deal with it. My point is that I've never obviously struggled to understand people because I can be very receptive to strong, particularly negative emotions. But I've never known what to do with that information.

One reason I've always had some doubt about my "empathy" is that I've felt that, particularly in a crisis, I can shut it off. I might see and even understand what someone is experiencing, however it is that I "understand" these things, but I don't necessarily have to care. It's strange to say that as someone who truly enjoys helping people. But I think that's worth examining, for myself anyway.

This is interesting for me to think about because I've always wondered how I could be such an emotional sponge and yet completely disconnected in emotional situations. I can talk about the grieving process as I've experienced it in a logical way (as illogical as it is) but I've never been somebody's shoulder to cry on. Except quite literally. I've been asked for advice but never comfort. I just don't serve that purpose.

To continue rambling (wish I could just add a collapsed section of text honestly): It's interesting that just the other day I was thinking about how I model my responses to things based on other people's reactions, because the quiz I took had a few questions about that. Do you seek comfort in others or do you use their emotions to gauge your own? I wasn't describing that as something I found to be an odd or unique experience. I still don't think it is.

I've always known that I struggled with this to some extent, but now that I think about it, it's possible that I've never had actual emotional problems. How would I know? I just don't have the capacity to deal with them, so when they're coming on particularly strong, I can be very outwardly expressive.

It's always been a bit confusing. I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't think I've ever experienced joy. Because I don't have any intellectual understanding of emotions; I only feel them physically. I can show you where I feel grief, fear, and anger. But where is joy? I have no idea. Describe it to me— not what it is, what it feels like inside of you. Because I certainly don't feel a lack of it— unless I'm observing it in somebody else. Then apathy can be painful.

But if we run with that, one question remains. Why do I smile? Why would I ever? I was taught to in speech therapy, as a toddler. But was I learning to express myself, or was I learning to model the easiest, most socially acceptable behavior I could to please others? It was the key to my survival when I was not able to speak. It's a toddler in the back of my mind saying, "Yes, I like you. Please like me too." It's compulsive, as any response to joy might be. Like any long-learned behavior is. Am I connecting with others, or am I hiding behind it?

I'd like to write something coherent about this. It's been very interesting to think about. The more I learn about myself, the more I feel I'm unraveling the many strands of this odd diagnosis we call "autism." It's cathartic to untangle this mess of ineffective neural pathways I have.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

(art commission by the lovely and talented @curious-menace)

It is a time where I would like to see what my followers think about various concepts I have in mind pertaining to alternate versions of one my fics. It may take some time to write out any alternate versions since I've been busy and stressed out so much lately, but I am very curious as to what others would find intriguing to read.

But first, some backstory so be patient. We'll get to the voting at the end of this post.

I've been having a lot of bad days lately, and my mood has plummeted to a major low. This includes my self-esteem, which has always been in the dumps but is now basically a dumpster fire.

However, I don't want to be entirely cruel to myself. I deserve some sort of happiness, some sort of reprieve, and writing can be a good coping mechanism. I put a lot of my own thoughts, emotions, struggles, opinions, etc. into my works, as they serve as a way for me to get things off my chest. Sometimes, it's just cute and funny stuff, other times angsty but eventually fluffy stuff, and other times it's quite depressing and dark.

One fic, in particular, stands out, and that is the Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, "Volunteer," (trigger warnings: mentions psychological torture and suicide...more about this fic in a bit for those who would rather not read it because of those triggers) which features Arkham Knight Edward Nigma and Jonathan Crane, as well as a lady friend for Edward named Sara. It also features Erron Black and Cassie Cage from Mortal Kombat (Cassie is only mentioned in the story a few times).

If you read the blog intro/self-introduction post pinned at the top of my Tumblr, you know very well how I feel about Cassie Cage (particularly in MK11) and the Erron Black x Cassie Cage (BlackCage) pairing. Those negative feelings are mostly due to a very bad experience with a pushy BlackCage fan who just wouldn't relent one bit on their stance and it was emotionally and mentally draining to try and talk to them, including providing counter-arguments.

I've come up with alternate versions for "Volunteer" recently due to the spike in stress, depression, anxiety, and insecurities I've been dealing with as of late. This is where my followers come in!

I would like people to vote on which alternate take on "Volunteer" they would be interested in reading. Now, I can't guarantee when I'd get to it because, as I mentioned already, I've got a lot going on. However, I really want to try and write at least one alternate version of that fic, just to get some insecurities and negative thoughts off my chest.

Now, for those who are wary of reading "Volunteer" because of the trigger warnings, here's my advice: Just read the first chapter, if you want to. Chapter 2 deals directly with the sensitive subject matter, although, you can probably guess what happens anyway just by reading Chapter 1 and if you know anything about Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow...well, he likes to mess with people...mentally. To put it very mildly.

Now it's time for the voting. I have three different scenarios I've come up with that are variations/alternate versions of the current "Volunteer" fic's concept/storyline. I'd like followers to select 1 (one) alternate telling of the fic. I will open anonymous asks again, so if you are shy or just want your vote to remain a secret for some other reason, then that's fine by me. Otherwise, you can reply to this post with your choice.

Edit: if you are turned off by the idea of a Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, I get it. I don't read crossover fics myself, and that's usually because the crossovers either make no sense or do make sense but the ideas are poorly executed.

This crossover I'm talking about, though, isn't a full-on crossover of MK and Batman. There's no world-building, no larger plot, and no other characters in MK even appear or are mentioned except Erron Black and Cassie Cage.

If anything, it's more of a Batman Arkhamverse standard AU with Riddler and a female oc, and Erron and Cassie are the only concrete elements of MK brought in. I mean, yes, the other MK characters exist, I guess, but they have no purpose in this crossover I've written, and won't make any appearances.

So, if you had any concerns about the crossover aspect, I hope this clears things up

Choices below the cut!

A) "Don't You Wish"

This version is inspired by a song from Pink, called, "There You Go." In this alternate telling, Erron manages to survive Scarecrow's fear toxin, and escape (most likely because Erron is out of his mind and panicking, thus not a threat, and he has no one to help him, so Scarecrow doesn't give a damn what happens to the dude). The first thing Erron does is go to Sara's place, having already broken up with Cassie after realizing dating her was a mistake, and Sara means more to him than he thought.

Well, it's been several months since Sara basically pushed Erron out of her life for his poor choice in women, and (Arkham Knight) Edward Nigma has proven to be a much better (and, wiser and more sensible -- yes, I know, but he's not a skirt chaser, Guys) friend to Sara. While Erron ran off with a blonde selfie princess, Edward offered genuine comfort and companionship, and now Sara has been in the process of moving on from Erron even further.

Sara humors Erron and lets him tell her -- while sounding terrified, confused, and conflicted beyond belief thanks to the fear toxin -- what happened to him. Now, Sara doesn't know Edward asked Scarecrow to take care of Erron as a means of getting revenge for her. Doesn't matter anyway. She's unsympathetic towards Erron's plight, feeling as if he didn't even give her a chance to confess her feelings towards him, nor did he even seem to notice how she felt; it was like he was too busy with thinking with his privates to realize he had someone in front of him who would have treated him better.

Sara tells Erron -- in a flat, disinterested tone -- that his situation is tragic and all but wtf is she supposed to do? Why not go to his dumb blonde gf? Oh, they broke up? Well, how predictable. And Crane is also a (sort of) friend to Sara, which shocks Erron and leaves him feeling worse than before.

Sara sends Erron on his way, and he wanders off in a daze, unsure of what to do with his life now.

Sara and Edward meet the next day, and they have a pleasant time, obviously moving towards becoming a couple. She chooses not to mention Erron as she is completely severing the cowboy from her life.

B) "I Don't Even Miss You"

This alternate telling is similar to the previous one, but this time it's inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "WTF Do I Know" (Hey, her Plastic Hearts album is actually fantastic!), and Edward is with Sara when Erron arrives at her place in a distressed state. At first, Sara deals with Erron in the hall of her apartment building, unsympathetic to his plight and basically telling him, "I told you so," and "too bad." Erron is getting more and more upset, even angry at Sara's callous tone, and starts to raise his voice, demanding to know why she is being so cold at a time like this?

Edward overhears Erron raising his voice to Sara, giving her a difficult time, and he gets pissed. Edward steps out into the hall and not only mocks Erron in various ways, but demands that he leave immediately, or what Scarecrow did will seem like a trip to Disney Land. Erron has caused Sara -- who is currently moving on and growing closer to Edward -- enough problems and heartache.

Edward reveals he set up Erron, and while Sara is stunned to find this out, she handles it better than expected. Edward said it was his way of getting revenge for her, and he'd do it again if need be. Erron is sent away feeling so much worse, feeling lost, hopeless, and betrayed.

Sara and Edward talk and she admits she's upset that he did something like this without speaking about it to her first. However, he explains that he genuinely did it for her and he doesn't want her to feel pain at the hands of some "idiotic cowman," who doesn't consider the feelings of others and who behaves like a greedy, violent Neanderthal. (And yes, Edward does care for Sara, and he didn't send Scarecrow after Erron out of jealousy -- maybe a little jealousy but it was mostly rage over Erron causing Sara so much emotional pain)

Sara means more to Edward than he can express, and he may not be the best when it comes to emotions, but he does care about her and wants her to be safe.

Sara forgives Edward, understanding that, through his heartfelt but very nervous and shy confession that he is sincere about his feelings for her, and they make amends. She of course tells him to never do something so extreme without consulting her first, though, because what happened to Erron -- while she doesn't care what happens to him in the slightest -- was a bit too much.

C) "Listen When the Devil's Calling"

Another title inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "Night Crawling," and this alternate telling involves Telltale Riddler and no Scarecrow. Almost a year has passed since Erron went with Cassie and Sara, out of bitterness and heartache, refused to speak or see him. This didn't sit well with him as she was his only friend, and his relationship with Cassie dies within a few months.

He goes looking for Sara, realizing she has moved out of her apartment. It doesn't take him long to find out where she is, and she's with The Riddler, a notorious criminal genius and one of Gotham's elite villains. Erron is worried for Sara and seeks her out.

Turns out, Sara's just fine. This isn't one of those scenarios where the girl is with a guy who just using her and taking advantage of her vulnerability. No, Edward does actually love her and takes good care of her. He finds people like reckless, selfish, and ignorant people like Erron to be a disgrace but also amusing because of how pathetically primitive they are.

Edward also doesn't appreciate how Erron pushed aside a good thing in Sara to pursue a girl who is a social media brat and has more selfies on her phone than brain cells in her, well, brain. It defies all logic to Edward, but he's also not surprised because of how much of a disappointment Erron is as a human being (hey, this is Riddler we're talking about, and he's not one to be sweet and gentle to those he can't stand). Edward doesn't say these things out loud, though, as it's a bit too vulnerable and personal for him to do such a thing with someone he doesn't know or trust.

Sara is upset that Erron has resurfaced and she remembers how heartbroken she was when he went after Cassie Cage. She wants Erron to leave her alone like she asked, so she can move on. She can't trust him anymore, because he's just a skirt chaser in her eyes.

Erron tries to plead his case, tries to apologize to Sara, and expresses how he really feels, but this just distresses her further. Edward steps in and tells Erron he's done enough to Sara, she clearly doesn't want to see him, and he needs to take his leave.

This isn't a request.

Edward pulls Erron aside, telling the cowboy that the only reason he's going to walk away from this alive is that Sara hasn't asked for him to be killed. Should she tell Edward to take care of Erron, well, you all know what Telltale Riddler is like.

And those are the three variations on "Volunteer."

If you could be so kind as to:

leave a comment with your choice or

send an ask (even an anon ask) with your choice or

suggest your take on this story.

I'd appreciate it immensely!

Thank you all so much for supporting me and my writing and being patient with my sluggish publishing schedule!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

*comes running to give cater a tight hug*

… i know how you feel, sometimes wearing a mask is more comfortable than not to. you don’t want to bother your loved ones so you clamp up and pretend everything is rainbows and sunshine. life sucks honestly. *laughs a little* … we’re not alone love, we’ve got each other and our friends to help us when we need it. *tightens hug* … happy birthday cater. *sneaks a phone charm into his pocket*

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I received this Cater birthday interaction right at the same time as when I put the Cater blog takeover closing post up.

I’ll make an exception this time and respond to this since 💦 it really was just due to poor timing, which no one could help.

***Warning: prominent themes of depression and anxiety***

***There is also a mild spoiler about Cater’s Unique Magic.***

“Ahahah...” Cater laughed along with you—well, he tried to. It was less like a laugh and more like a sad chuckle, so soft that it could have been whisked away by the wind, and no one would be any wiser.

His arms remained at his sides as you embraced him. Stiff, unmoving—despite his relaxed posture. The bone and sinew beneath his skin taut with something unseeable. Concern, panic.

Vulnerability that his face and tone didn’t display.

“You say some deep stuff!” Cater chirped. “Have you considered sharing them on your Magicam page? I betcha a lot of people could use your advice right about now. Magicam’s a good platform for stuff like that, cuz shares and likes helps spread info fast!”

Shares, likes.

Love and approval, quantified.

Cater blinked rapidly, pushing back the wetness that coated the corners of his eyes, and the pain that threatened to seep through his perfectly crafted persona. The smiling, joyful Cay-kun is what the public wants to see. Don’r disappoint them.

I must have made a mistake somewhere, he concluded. I must have messed up, must have said or done something to make them suspicious.

“Do I seem sad or something?” Cater joked, poking at the corners of his lips. “Look, Cay-kun’s allll smiles! “I’m never alone, because I’ve got all my friends—plus me, myself, and I! I’m having tons of fun at this birthday bash with everyone—so really, you don’t need to worry about me.”

There was no reply from them, only the tightening of the hug, and the lingering that remained, when they finally departed.

Cater shoved his hands into his pockets and sucked in a breath through his teeth. A close call. A very, very close one—so close to his heart, and yet so far.

Celebrations had always made him particularly sentimental.

... Hm?

Cater pulled something out of his pocke. Something firm and metallic: a phone charm of a red diamond character, goofy eyes and an even more goofy grin on its face. It matched his phone case.

Most days, hs didn’t mind the unnaturally wide smiles the diamond characters wore. They were cute, and they brought him cheer.

But now, those same smiles seemed to be silently mocking him.

Cater laughed again, curling his fingers around the mascot.

Bittersweet.

He’d go back to liking them tomorrow.

[king-finnigan]

Tips for Studying During a Pandemic but I’m Depressed

I’ve been seeing a few ‘Studying During a Pandemic’ posts, and while I appreciate the advice they give, it’s usually just not doable for me, so I figured, hey, why not make my own list of half-measures for people with depression, like me? So here’s my list of little things that have made it all a little less terrible the past few months.

(Feel free to add your own. I’m just one person, and things that worked for me might not work for you.)

(Also, some of these aren’t even about studying directly, but they do benefit it inderectly.)(Also also, this post was getting a bit long, so more under the cut.)

Go to the toilet: This might seem obvious, but I know for a fact that I tend to just... ignore my urge to pee when I’m having a particularly bad day, but really, just go. It’ll make you feel a lot better. And if you tend to just not feel it, make sure to check in with your body every once in a while.

Get out of bed before noon: I’ve seen a few lists that urge you to maintain a 9-5 workday, but, hell, even on a good day I only manage to drag myself out of bed at 9. Just get out before noon, you’ll feel a lot more accomplished if you get out at 11:45 than if you get out at 12:15. 

Change your underwear, and, if you can, the rest of your clothes: Even if it’s just changing from your Casual Sweats to your A Little Less Casual Sweats, it’ll feel a lot better. And if you wear socks, change those, too. It’ll make you feel a lot cleaner, and it’ll reset your mind, making it easier to transition from Bed Time to Not In Bed Time.

Set a soft start: Pick an hour at which you aim to start studying, and pick it so that it’s about an hour or so after the point at which you start feeling productive. That sounds complicated, but, for example, I usually start feeling productive between 11 or 12. My soft start is set at 1. On good days, when I do start working at 11 or 12, I will feel accomplished for starting before my soft start point, on bad days, I will aim to start at 1, but if I can’t, I won’t beat myself up over it. It is, after all, a soft start. It’s just an anchor to keep you from floating around the day, no strings attached. Your soft start can be set at 3, 4, even 5, it doesn’t matter, it’s just here to give you some sense of structure.

Set a hard stop: Pick an hour at which you will stop studying, and set it around the time you usually stop feeling productive altogether. Mine is at 6. When you reach your hard stop, just drop everything and go relax. Unless, of course, you’re feeling productive still, in which case, you have to move your hard stop, because you should set it at the point where you’re no longer feeling productive so that you don’t try to push yourself past your abilities or limits. If it’s time to stop, it’s time to stop. 

You do not need to study from your soft start to your hard stop: I know I don’t. They’re just anchor points, to give some structure to your day. I know for a fact that I have trouble to separate Study Time from Not Study Time, that’s what these points are for, especially the hard stop. Do not set the goals to push yourself past your limits, these goals are supposed to adapt to you, not the other way around. Unless it’s what you really want, and you feel confident you won’t harm your mental health in order to reach them, in which case, knock yourself out (but safely).

Every hour, check in with your body: Does your head hurt? Do you need to pee? Are you hungry? If there’s anything wrong, take care of that first. Your health - both mental and physical - is your nr. 1 priority, not studying. If you feel like you need to take a break, then take one, if you don’t, then don’t. 

Eat something: Anything. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t have to be healthy, if you can’t bring yourself to do that. Just eat something. If you can bring yourself to eat fruit and veggies, good for you, but I can’t on my worst days, and if you can’t either, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. 

Okay, but maybe one or two apples a week would be good: Just any piece of fruit, really. Once or twice a week. If you eat fruit more often than that, hey, good for you, I’m proud of you, buddy. If you can’t, just once or twice a week is great and I’m still very proud of you.

Drink something: Again, anything. If it’s soda? Not the greatest, but hell, it’s better than nothing. Tea or coffee is good, too. Fruit juice helps you get some vitamins if you can’t eat the fruit. And if you drink water? That’s fucking amazing, good for you. I know I can’t. (Yet)

Open a window: Oxygen is good for your brain. I don’t really give a fuck about that when I open my window, though - what I give a fuck about is that it makes me feel hella productive. 

Just do whatever makes you feel productive: That feeling already does a lot more for you than things that are productive but don’t make you feel as such. And, in my experience, if I feel productive, I will be more likely to actually also do productive shit.

Pick your battles: If you feel like you can’t handle all of the shit that’s being thrown at you (I know I can’t), then don’t. Pick one or two things that you’re sure you can handle when you focus on them, and focus on them. If you’ve got assignments for other classes you can’t miss, then do the bare minimum to pass them. (Please do note that I have a chance to redo any exams I’m skipping in the summer. Take this advice with a grain of salt if you can’t.)

Find a way to reward yourself: If it’s with food or episodes of your favourite show, it doesn’t matter. Find a way to proportionally reward yourself - so when you’ve done a lot, you get a lot of the reward, if not, just a little. I reward myself by making paper stars. I just enjoy making them and I can put them in a little jar and admire how much work I’ve done in total over the past few weeks. 

Only reward yourself after your hard stop: I know if I don’t do that, I’ll get too caught up in the reward to be productive. Also it just feels nicer to get a lot of it all at once at the end of the day.

Don’t beat yourself up at the end of the day: The hard stop is also a reset for your mentality. It’s the end of the day, what is done is done, there’s nothing you can do about it. We all have our good days and we all have our bad days. Don’t beat yourself up over the bad ones, give yourself a pat on your shoulder for the good ones. Which days are bad and which ones are good is not in your control, no matter how much you feel like it is. All there’s left to do is recharge so that you can try again tomorrow.

Relax. Actually relax: Whether you’re just going to bed again, or watching your favourite show, or playing a video game, it doesn’t matter. Just forget about school work. Fuck that shit. It’s You Time now, no matter how much you feel like you don’t deserve it - and for that matter, fuck that little voice inside your head telling you you’re not worthy, too. You are.

It could be worse: This sounds wrong, but hear me out. If you are beating yourself up over the things you couldn’t do today, then list the things you did do. For example: “Sure, I didn’t study, but I got out of bed, I ate an apple, and I checked my mails! It could be worse!” If you can’t find anything, then remind yourself that you tried, so, again, it could be worse.

You tried: That also sounds really condescending, but listen. Whenever you feel like you haven’t done enough or you failed, take a moment to tell yourself that you tried. There’s a lot of things dragging you down right now: the pandemic, the absolute fucking state of the world, your depression, what-fucking-ever. Things aren’t easy, and yet, you still tried. Hell, if you’ve even read my bs up to this point, it means you’re trying. And I know your mind is telling you it’s not good enough, but it is, because the best thing we can do is try. You tried, and that’s worth a hell of a lot more than your mind is trying to convince you it is.

Also check your mails.

[deadendtracks]

How do you find the confidence to post your fics? I want to start posting mine but I feel so much embarrassment, I start comparing my writing to other writers and authors and it's so depressing, feeling like my own writing is inadequate and just plain bad. I can't get through this hurtle, any advice is appreciated! I enjoy your writing a lot, I want to thank you for sharing it with us!

Hi! Thank you for the kind words about my fic, I really appreciate it!

I think people tend to be a lot more harsh on their own work than it deserves -- thinking it's inadequate or even bad is often not remotely accurate, but is a feature of your work not matching a mental image in your head written by the Platonic Ideal of a Writer, if that makes sense.

And if you’re comparing yourself to other writers as well that’s a) natural and b) unfair to yourself.

I have been writing fic for thirty years and posting for twenty-five. That’s a lot of practice at writing but also at posting my writing in public. It’s also longer than many people on Tumblr have been alive. Many other writers in fandom - and in this fandom - may have similar experiences. So if you’re just starting out, comparing yourself to someone who has been at it for a quarter of a century is bound to be intimidating!

And if you're not writing fic in your first language, that's another unfair comparison; I know some writers feel their work is lacking but as I posted yesterday, I absolutely love the unique choices that come with writing in a non-native language. What may sound wrong to you may sound beautiful and creative to another, the way someone speaking with an accent can sound very beautiful to a native speaker.

Further rambling under the cut, and I bolded major points.

I know it’s hard not to compare yourself to other writers but -- and I know this is cliche but it’s true -- it’s much easier if you start comparing yourself to yourself. That way you see how you have improved and developed and it’s more fair and accurate. I honestly don’t do a lot of comparing myself to others; the way I write and what I write is what it is and I’ve found I am unable to do it differently even if it would get me more readers or comments or whatever; it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s just reality. I’m literally unable to write anything else.

My best piece of advice is to write for yourself first. Write the story that won’t leave you alone or that just comes out of you, even if that feels weird or cringey or melodramatic or scary. It might be all of those things. So what?

Write what you want to read. It might get you less attention than some other kind of fic, and while it’s hard to do you also can’t judge the value of your writing by how much attention it gets. There’s not any correlation at all between those two things much of the time. Especially in fandoms with one major ship, especially if you don’t write that ship or write it in a way that doesn’t conform to the general preferences. This is true of most fandom spaces.

I may not be the best person to give advice on this because of the fact I never really have compared myself to other people, either negatively or positively. Until recently I didn’t think of myself as a particularly good writer -- I also didn’t think of myself as a bad writer. I didn’t really think of myself as a “writer” at all. I just wrote. I really think that's the key to everything.

That said I posted almost entirely gen for the first 25 years I wrote. So when I started posting more explicit stuff in this fandom I got nervous again — or maybe for the first time. Because it was so far out of my comfort zone! Still is a bit. But it’s also good to get out of your comfort zone sometimes, at your own pace. Posting something at all might be a big step for you.

I’d also recommend posting something that is within your comfort zone as a writer when you first start out or are nervous. Whatever kind of fic you like to write best. And if you have never posted at all just getting it over with can break some of that tension. You can always take it down!! I hope you don't, or orphan your work if you decide you don't want it associated with you, because I can't even tell you how many great fics I have loved over my life have disappeared.

But I recommend just jumping into the water and getting it over with, it’s really the only way to get over that fear. I wish I had better advice than that!

Writing a lot of little things — say 500-1000 words — and posting them without agonizing over them much can also help desensitize you to posting anxiety and has the side-benefit of being practice which improves your writing. So can participating in a fest like @boundinshallows Summer Bingo — you get prompts to write to (if that helps you — not everyone likes to write to prompts, I’m someone who sometimes can’t) but also it gives you a community of people all working on the same challenge/fest to post with.

It might be that you just need to show your fic to someone you trust and have them tell you it doesn’t suck and you should post! If you have any mutuals in fandom that might be a place to start.

Finally, I’ve offered to beta read anybody who is interested, and I’m especially looking to encourage new writers. So shoot me a DM if you’d like me to look at your writing and give you encouragement to post. I like to take a fic and help make it the best version of itself. I get a lot of joy from that. I don’t like to try and dictate to people how they write or what style or content, just take what you have and make suggestions that I’m happy if you take or leave.

And if you aren't ready for that kind of thing and just want someone to read it and tell you to post it, I'm also happy to do that!

[maybeeatspaghetti]

1) I'm not sure if this has been asked before, but do you have fics that you haven't posted, or don't plan on posting? If so, and if comfortable with sharing, are there any particular reasons, be it the content, how it's written, etc?

2) Somewhat generic question, but as someone who is interested in writing, be it fanfiction/smut (possibly?) or otherwise, do you have any tips? I know that reading more is the big one, but y'know.. still.

Have a great day/night! ♡

1) I have three fics that I haven’t posted and don’t plan to post. Two are short fics that are so similar to fics I’ve already posted that it would be redundant if I did post them. The third one is a 150k novel that was a Whizzvin fic, but the characters changed so drastically as I wrote the book that I changed the names and developed them into different characters. Maybe it’s a little bit selfish, but I wanted to keep that one for myself and not share it. And I actually cut down the sex scenes, to make it less about sex and more about the story—so instead of four or five sex scenes, I cut it down to two and rewrote it to sound more like Warm Baths, where there are no typical erotica words (like “cock” or “thrust” or “hard”) it’s more about feelings than anything else. 

2) Write, write, write. That’s the biggest tip, and I know it gets thrown around a lot to the point of “I’ve heard this so many times already,” but it’s because it’s true. If you’re starting out writing and you look at it and think, “this is terrible” and you stop writing forever, then you’ve prevented yourself from ever getting better. The more you write, the better you’ll be. I’ve been writing for 15 years, and I can tell you, the writing I did when I was in middle school is horrific. It’s really bad. And I got marginally better in high school, and a lot better in college, and even better now, beyond college, when I’ve really been able to develop my voice without being encouraged to write a specific way by my teachers and professors. So allow yourself to write badly.

Write and get feedback. It’s not as easy to improve if you’re writing into a vacuum and you’re the only one seeing your work. As hard as it may be, share your work with other people; let them tell you what works and what doesn’t. If you’re uncomfortable sharing your writing with people you know, look for beta readers on the Internet. Feedback is key to helping you grow as a writer.

Yes, reading is important, but I’d rank it lower than writing. Reading helps get a sense for how authors structure their sentences, pace their stories, weave in subplots, and split their chapters, but ultimately, I personally lean much more heavily on the writing than I do on the reading, though I do read, just not as much as some authors. Some authors say to be a good writer you must 1) read x number of books a year, 2) read with a pen in your hand, and 3) read “good” works of literature only. I disagree with all of those: 1) There’s no certain number of books you have to read a year that makes you a reader or a writer. Go at your own pace and read how much you want to. I know some people good-naturedly compete to see who can read more books, but if that’s not the way you work, then don’t feel bad about not reading as much as other people. 2) Taking notes while you read doesn’t necessarily make you a better writer. If you like marking up texts and it works for you, go for it! And I do it sometimes (my Falsettos script... there’s hardly any white space left), but it can make you feel like you’re at school when you do mark in the books or take notes, and that might kill your interest in reading it. Just by reading (without taking notes or writing in the text), you’ll unconsciously absorb a lot of information about what makes a story work. 3) “Good” is subjective. What’s considered “good” by the people who say things like this is usually confined to the literary canon. And while I agree that some knowledge of the literary canon is valuable, there are so many wonderful works beyond it that are just as good. So when people talk about “good literature,” they’re usually deliberately denigrating and stepping on everything beyond the literary canon (which excludes a huge range of diverse works/voices). So don’t listen to them. There’s plenty of good literature outside the literary canon, and who’s to say something they personally didn’t like isn’t good? It’s all about personal taste. So read what you want, be it novels or nonfiction or comics or manga or fanfiction—whatever it is, it can be valuable to you as a writer.

Going back to writing—sometimes, you just have to write something bad to get it out and then take it out and start afresh, and I know that takes extra time and effort, but sometimes you need to do it. For example, I was writing a serious story about depression and I just couldn’t keep from writing a specific scene in a humorous way. So I wrote the scene that way, with a completely different feel and tone and pacing to the rest of the story, and then copied and pasted it somewhere else and went back to the beginning of the scene. Once I had gotten that awkward funny stuff out of the way, I could write it seriously. 

I’ve never been particularly good at plot, as I’m a much more character-driven writer, so I’m afraid I can’t offer too many tips about that. I usually let my characters lead the story, no matter whether it’s a short piece like what I mostly post on AO3 or it’s a longer, more involved piece like What a Wonder You Are.

In terms of writing smut... let me tell you—my first attempts at writing smut about five years ago were dreadful, and I actually gave up until this summer, when I jumped right off the deep end into my Shameless Whizzvin Smut series. And I’d grown a lot since the last time I tried to write it, and I did my research and tried to focus on the language and the emotions over the actual acts themselves (though some fics require a level of detachment, like Pretty Little Thing, where the fic is about the acts rather than the emotions), and I thought I did alright. And in the last four months, I’ve gotten better.

If you want to learn how to write good smut, turn to fanfiction authors. I have rarely read a good sex scene in a published, literary, mainstream novel (but for god’s sake, don’t read Fifty Shades of Grey; I know that was fanfiction, but it really doesn’t depict healthy or safe sex in any way—The Atlantic article “Consent Isn’t Enough” is great at explaining why). A lot of novels do the “fade to black” type scene where they cut away just as the characters are falling into bed together (Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin is a “fade to black,” but it’s done really masterfully). But if you want to learn how to write good smut, read fanfiction and remember that you can write smut that’s sexy without foregoing safety, communication, and consent. 

There’s kind of a fine line between what’s sexy and what’s absurd, and it’s all too easy to step over the line into the absurd, and this is sometimes as basic as word choice—if you say “his cock was flushed and quivering,” it sounds much better than “his flushed and quivering manhood” or “his flushed member was quivering.” If you’re going for the absurd, then use all the ridiculous words you want (manhood, member, manmeat, prick, rod, love muscle, meat stick, loins, etc. etc. etc.)! Just know it’ll be more amusing than sexy and people will probably make fun of it. But if that’s what you’re going for, then go all out! 

If you’re wanting some more specific advice about writing in general or smut writing, you’re welcome to send an ask or message; this response would get entirely too long if I were to go into more detail here. 💕

[stillness-in-green]

MLAWeek Coda: The Lore Post

Sorry this is a few days late!  To the surprise of absolutely no one who has read some of my longer meta posts, I just don’t know how to shut the F up.  (Spoilers: this post is only a few hundred words away from being as long as everything else I wrote for the week put together.)  

Anyway, hit the jump for, in order:

A quick breakdown of the Liberation Army’s general structure.

A list of members, broken down by broad generation, including the ones we have gotten explicitly IDed in canon, the ones I based on figures we see in canon, and the ones I completely made up.

The basic tenets of the MLA and some discussion about their views on quirk supremacy. (feat. fandom salt)

An overview of the way the Advent shook up the political landscape in Japan and the Hearts & Minds Party’s place in that landscape.  Pretty much the same material Trumpet’s victory speech from Day 4 covers, but modestly more in-depth, removed from the need to play well to a crowd, and with some added explanation about the structure of the Diet for readers who are less familiar with it than Trumpet’s audience would be.

A timeline (with only moderately arbitrary dates!) covering the birth of the glowing baby up to the first year of the manga.  Mostly concerned with detailing the events the MLA would care about, but with a few other points of reference to contextualize things for the rest of us.

Bonus Fun Facts: discussion of the considerations that went into the timeline, a look at All For One’s actions re: the MLA, and some miscellaneous blurbs on terminology, worldbuilding and characterization.

A smattering of asides in the form of footnotes.

Note that while this material is based in and accurate to canon as much as I could remember at the time that I was doing my notes on my fills for the week, there’s a lot in here that is based entirely on supposition, interpretation and, at times, just plain-old guessing.  

Thanks to @codenamesazanka and @robotlesbianjavert for their assistance in naming, brainstorming, and just generally putting up with me while the Liberation Army was completely devouring my attention.

@red-the-omnic Somewhat belatedly, here’s that list of MLA members you asked for back during the middle of the week.  Sorry to make you wait so long! 

Enjoy!  

———–      ———–      ———–      ———–

ORGANIZATION

Grand Commander: Destro and Destro’s line of descendants.

The First Families: Those who fought at Destro’s side and escaped to continue the fight, and their descendants.  Veritably all high-ranked within the MLA, their tie to the original incarnation of the Army marks them as elites, whether or not their quirks would do so otherwise. The elders of the First Families do a certain amount of collective decision-making when and if the Grand Commander is unable to do so and has left orders otherwise.

Sanctum: “Sanctum” is a special position in the Army.  The name denotes the person who’s tasked with remembering the MLA’s history, practices and lore—the position is considered contiguous, so even when someone is new to the name, they’re still considered “the longest-serving member of the Liberation Army.”.  When they’re getting on in years, they select an appropriate protégé, to whom the name will pass upon their death/capture.  The name must always go to a member of the First Families (though in truth, they’re only on their third one, so it’s more of a pattern so far than a hard rule).

Commanders & Lieutenants: People in charge of major operations, liberated districts, etc. Frequently, though not always, members of the First Families.  Have discretion over their own assignments, but may not have much influence in the Army’s operations on the whole, depending on who they’re connected to otherwise.

Advisors: This title denotes those who are specifically tapped to give advice and aid to the MLA leadership.  Levels of authority vary depending on who they’re advising.  Advisors of lieutenants, if any, are a step above the rank and file, advisors of commanders are about on par with lieutenants, and advisors to the Grand Commander are considered commanders in their own right, regardless of any other rank they may hold.

Rank and File: Pretty much everyone else.

———–      

KNOWN MEMBERS [1]

The original MLA—

Destro: Yotsubashi Chikara.  Established the Meta Liberation Army in his mid-30s in response to the development of what he felt were overly restrictive laws on the usage of meta-abilities. Having observed evidence that meta-abilities grew stronger generationally, he was particularly concerned that no oppressive laws could be enforced by the generation that established them because the next generation would always be more powerful.  Thus, he believed that establishing the use of meta-abilities as a fundamental right was the only way for society to avoid indefinite intergenerational strife.  He was particularly incensed by the government co-opting the message that got his mother murdered to put a pretty, self-congratulatory sheen on laws that did the exact opposite of what she wished for.  Allegedly committed suicide after some months in prison.  The MLA is highly suspicious of this claim—they’re correct to be, but not for the reasons they think.              His quirk, which his entire line would inherit, turns a key emotion into enhanced strength and resilience in the form of a characteristic ink-blot marking.  While it would develop over time, the basic nature of the quirk remained the same. Chikara’s driving emotion was resolve.

Fathom: Destro’s lover, she dedicated a decade of her life after his capture to building up the survivors he’d left behind.  It’s said her son got his drive from Destro, but his anger from Fathom.  Had a large hand in raising her son to be the sort of man he was, particularly in her decision to commit what many considered to be suicide-by-hero when he was in his teens.  A large part of that choice was wrapped up in her never-fully-assuaged grief over Destro’s loss (and, she believed to the end, his murder), but there was also a cold calculation to it—her making a big show of it would lead the police to believe that her attack was the last gasp of the Liberation Army, ending their investigations into MLA activities.  It would also stoke the fires of her son’s rage, honing him into a stronger weapon against their enemies.  Her judgement in both cases proved broadly on-point, though her death did serve to make her son more cautious than she might have hoped.              Meta-Ability: Antennae.  A pair of insectile feelers emerging from her forehead that give her a passel of sensory boosts, particularly in the taste and smell categories, and which also make her able to detect shifts in the air from quite some distance.)

Cascade: A man whose meta-ability lets him turn body parts into loosely controllable masses of water.  Can’t transform fully.  A quick-thinking type able to make hard calls.

Sweeper: A woman with a radio-scanning quirk.  Caught by police in the same fight as Destro.

Sanctum I: The first bearer of the codename.  Had a protective ability of some sort.

Sanctum II’s father: The same quirk as his daughter; see below.  Known for getting some eight people safely out of a police raid by carrying them all out at once despite not actually having superhuman strength of any kind.  (Probably tore several muscles in the process, but adrenaline is a hell of a thing.)

The Second Generation—

Destro’s son: Raised to deeply resent heroes and the government that put them in place, but he was also very cautious of them.  He was profoundly aware that his death would mean the end of the dream that his father had begun and his mother had cultivated, so he was very meticulous in spreading the MLA’s influence underground, rebuilding their numbers before he even began to consider starting to make attacks again.  Destro’s army had been a guerilla force; his son’s would be something much more dangerous.  His driving emotion was anger, and he had two children before being killed by a cerebral aneurysm at 43.  Was able to use his power to make his body larger.

Sanctum II: A woman with an unusual fondness for the traditional Japanese arts, particularly tea ceremony.  Meta-ability: Stride.  Teleport to any location she can directly see by taking a single step forward.   Can take whoever she can carry under her own power. (First Families lineage)

Anchor: An advisor to Destro’s son.  Prominent bull horns.  Meta-ability: Immobilize.  Similar to Lock Rock’s Lockdown quirk, except it only works on his own body.  Very good at wrestling holds (and holding his breath), he tends to fight with backup that can deliver finishing blows to opponents once he has them pinned down.  (First Families lineage)

The Third Generation—

Yotsubashi Kyouyuki: The elder child of Destro’s son.  Deemed an unsuitable Grand Commander for his driving emotion of joy.  Always presented a façade of being cheerful and upbeat, but the ever-present rhetoric that the MLA pushes about the ongoing suppression of quirks and the misery and injustice it leads to left Kyou always struggling with guilt.  In college, it finally got so bad that he resolved to run away, enlisting the help of a friend with a swap-based teleport quirk to get him out of a party undetected. His fate thereafter is a secret that’s been taken to the grave by the MLA members involved in it, but given the typical reactions of illegal underground cults to members wanting to leave, it’s unlikely that he’s living somewhere in happy anonymity.  (Name means Unyielding Happiness, following in his grandfather and nephew's patterns of having characters in their names meaning power/strength.)

Yotsubashi Yukie: The younger child of Destro’s son, and Rikiya’s mother.  With a driving emotion of sorrow, and having been steadily losing family her entire life, Yukie wrestled with depression for most of her life. The presumptive heir to the title of Re-Destro, she spent considerably more time in training than her older brother, but she never much had the temperament for it.  When her father died only a few scant years after Kyouyuki’s disappearance, she expressed her fears that she was incapable of being the leader the Army needed.  This led to her becoming a mother at a relatively young age, continuing the bloodline rather than picking up the banner.  For all her struggles with her grief, Yukie was very determined to at least be there for the son on whom the weight of leadership would fall.  The world of My Hero Academia is a dangerous one, however, particularly before All Might established himself as Japan’s pillar, and Yukie was a casualty of the chaos of a villain attack when Rikiya was ten.  (Name means Glittering Conqueror, ditto the note above about the family pattern for name kanji.)

Rampart: Guardian and general caretaker for Rikiya in his younger years.  Hand-picked for the role by Yukie, who had considered him a close friend since their school days.  Meta-Ability: An earth manipulation power akin to Pixie-Bob’s, though less powerful.  (First Families lineage)

Shinseigi: Trumpet’s uncle, unspecified code name.  Also in politics, though of a more local variety.  Meta-ability: His speaking voice makes listeners suggestible.  (The phonetic pronunciation of his name sounds like “New Justice,” but the kanji are “Sleeping Voice Technique.”)

The Fourth Generation—

Yotsubashi Rikiya: The current Re-Destro (42); CEO and President of Detnerat.  He took up the former title when he was only 6 years old. With the succession of losses that were his uncle, grandfather and mother, the MLA has been fairly careful with him, grooming him with care and rarely leaving him without some form of supervision, be it Rampart when he was young or Trumpet in college.  An extremely dutiful child grown into an urbane man whose good humor disguises a morose—and occasionally volatile—inner character.  Always under a lot of stress (his MRIs are clear so far, though, haha!), but there’s only so much effort dedicated to mitigating that, since stress is his key emotion.  The first in the family line to be able to separate his power from his own body, in the form of his Stress Bomb attack.

Trumpet: Hanabata Koku (44).  One of Rikiya’s advisors and party leader of the Hearts & Minds Party (see below); has known Rikiya since their preteen years.  The Hanabatas were a political family of old, but largely saw those fortunes crash and burn when they started manifesting quirks a few generations into the Advent.  They’ve been clawing their way back into politics ever since and were an early target for the MLA’s project to infiltrate and/or start their own political party.  It was decided very early on that Koku’s quirk and his family connections made him a good choice to groom for leadership of the HMP, so he and Rikiya bonded over their similar positions.  They would go on to attend the same university, during which time they became romantically involved.  In truth, Koku’s university was functionally chosen for him on the basis of which one Rikiya would be attending; the First Families were not about to lose another Yotsubashi to college life.  Koku is more aware of this particular fact than Rikiya.  Still a little wistful about their college days, his opinions regarding Re-Destro’s big starstruck crush on Shigaraki are borderline unprintable.

Sanctum III: Twice’s No. 1 advisor, the dude with the big imperial handlebar moustache and what looks an awful lot like a dress uniform for the Japanese navy.  A few years older than Trumpet.  (First Families lineage)

Curious: Kizuki Chitose (36).  RD advisor and Shoowaysha Publishing Executive Vice President.[2]  From a relatively small liberated district up near Sendai; the MLA connections plus her own profound ambition got her moving very quickly up the MLA chain of command. Daughter of a wlw couple; got her blue skin from her bio mom.  One younger sibling, a sister.  Masterminded the dinners we see the group having in Chapter 218, originally to make sure Rikiya was getting at least one well-apportioned meal a week and a chance to socialize with the closest thing he has to peers, but also because it proved to be an invaluable opportunity to swap information and rumors.

Skeptic: Chikazoku Tomoyasu (31).  RD advisor and Feel Good Inc. board member.  On the bottom end of the generation age-wise, a prodigy in every sense save his broadly terrible people skills.  Recognizes Rikiya’s stress tells because he shares several of them himself, and is also the only person of Rikiya’s generation with the confidence to verbally push him around a bit.  It’s regarded as borderline scandalous by their elders, but Rikiya himself finds it bracing, and anyway, Skeptic’s ability to organize a schedule for maximum efficiency is nothing less than miraculous.  Got Rikiya onto fidget toys.

Toryu:  Toryu is the family name of Galvanize (aka Taser Face aka Kaminari’s Dad).  Mr. Compress’s No. 1, the dude who strolls out onto the lawn after Cementoss rips the hotel a new one and immediately gets his smarm repackaged and returned to sender by Kaminari and Edgeshot.  Great for morale before that, though!  In Rikiya’s age group, his mother’s side of the family (from which he gets the electricity powers) has been in the Army for at least as far back as her school days. (The name comes from the characters for leaping/rising and current/flow.)

Slidin’ Go: Tokoname Tatsuyuki (37).  He’s Slidin’ Go!  Skeptic’s No. 2, possibly because Slidin’ Go strongly resembles the puppets Skeptic is so used to barking orders at and there’s comfort in familiarity.

Aozono: Family name for another of Rikiya’s childhood peers, nothing is known but that green skin runs in the family as far back as her father.  May or may not be related to Curious’s family.

The Fifth Generation—

Geten: Real name unknown.  Family status unknown.  Age unknown, but I’d peg him in the 18-23 area.  Seems to be allowed to attend the weekly dinners without contributing anything but his incredibly terrible table manners.  Can talk an impassioned game about the Liberation Army’s goals (though he pushes the quirk supremacy line a good deal harder than anyone else in the Army is shown to; it’s not even close), but it’s fairly clear that he’s more personally dedicated to Re-Destro than he is the MLA’s cause in and of itself.  I’ll be honest; I have no idea what Geten’s deal is. My tentative headcanon is that he’s an orphan—the English meaning of his name, Apocrypha, refers to sacred writings of uncertain authorship/authenticity—who’s in some kind of Batman-and-Robin guardian-and-ward situation with Re-Destro, but I didn’t wind up writing enough about him to come up with much beyond that.

Nimble: Spinner’s No. 1, the woman with the weird paper-strip-esque hair who doesn’t seem to be in possession of a nose or mouth.  (She absorbs air through her skin like a frog, which is why no one has ever seen her with that sweater covering both of her shoulders.)  Nimble is a friendly sort, though she regards her outgoing good cheer as being a simple matter of social networking.  Ambitious, but sensible about it.                Meta-ability: Sky Write.  Allows her to project letters and pictures into the air around her, giving her a way to communicate she would have otherwise lacked.  She can create words in air she can’t see, but it takes some concentration, and the closer the better.

Scarecrow: Spinner’s No. 2, 21 years old.  Born with amelia (see link in Day Two’s author’s notes) that disfigured his face and severed his arms in the womb.  His quirk-based forelegs—a pair of spider legs emerging from his shoulders—can do a certain amount of basic object manipulation, but it tends to wig people out, so they push him to use his prosthetics like he’s “supposed” to (see Stray Notes section for more on this).  He was viciously angry about it even as a kid, and his parents were frustrated, making them easy pickings for cult indoctrination.  A family friend recommended that they look into Detnerat, where it wasn’t long before Re-Destro himself took an interest in their situation (or at least in making a good impression on them).  Scarecrow joined the Army as quickly as he was allowed to—16.              Meta-ability: Webbing.  The bug legs can project silk like a webspinner (the insect on which he’s based), allowing him to do anything you might broadly understand Spider-Man to be able to do with his webbing, though he certainly lacks Spider-Man’s strength.

Red: Named in passing in the manga, he’s the laid-back dude with the fluffy hair who serves as Skeptic’s No. 1 post-merger.  Probably invaluable in helping Skeptic maintain what bare vestiges of chill he can muster.  (First Families lineage)

The Sixth Generation—

Every child currently under the age of 10 being raised in MLA households with a picture of Destro over the mantle.  It’s not a small number, representing a group that neither the fandom nor the Hero Commission seem to have even realized exist.

———–      

CORE TENETS & THE MATTER OF QUIRK SUPREMACY

Re-Destro is not (contrary to popular fandom belief) in favor of full-throated, might-makes-right, survival of the fittest Quirk Darwinism.[3]  Destro’s will was for people to be able to use their meta-abilities as they saw fit to the extent that that freedom did not interfere with the freedoms of others. He was against the regulation of meta-abilities, but he was not—to the best of our knowledge—against the regulation of crime.  His belief was that one murderer with a fire ability killing people did not justify barring everyone else with fire abilities from using those powers to fire clay, start campfires, engage in fire-themed performance art, use fire to char wood in artistic patterns for money, help park rangers set and direct controlled burns, coordinate explosions for the movie industry, light cigarettes in public, or any other of dozens of possible uses for a fire ability that don’t involve burning people alive.

The MLA do believe that meta-abilities have an impact on one’s personality, but they also believe that that’s okay; that it should be understood and accepted, not feared and repressed—Curious would not have wanted to turn Toga into a tragedy about the consequences of repression if she didn’t think that a spree of bloodletting murders was a tragedy.  Their belief as an organization is that people should be free to use their powers as they see fit in the same way that they would any other natural talent or cultivated skill.  They believe that people will, if free to do so, naturally gravitate to ways of improving their own lot in life via use of their meta-abilities.

Freedom from regulation and freedom from discrimination—these are the core tenets that the vast majority of the rank and file hold to.  A great many of them are laborers, blue collar types who just want to be able to better support themselves and their families.  Many others are those who suffered discrimination because of their quirks and want better for both themselves and their children.  Of course, the further back their connections go, the more likely they are to both be higher-ranked in the cult (with attendant greater resources) and to have grown up soaking in generations’ worth of resentment, groupthink, and radicalism.

Geten, a particularly virulent and single-minded MLA attack dog, has parsed the tenets to mean that people with strong, well-trained meta-abilities will naturally be able to use their powers to do more and raise their status in the MLA’s ideal society, and thus that those who can’t or don’t choose to will not be able to live lives that Geten personally thinks are worth living.  Likewise, Trumpet doesn’t fault Spinner only for his weak ability, but also for his anti-social tendencies.  Of course a politician who’s deeply invested in a narrative of people uniting to throw off their chains and better themselves would be disdainful of someone who locked himself in his bedroom for years and emerged only to violently lash out at society.  (Spinner’s right to call Trumpet a huge hypocrite on this, mind; terrorist cult members have no business lecturing other terrorists about the correct way to violently reform society.)

The MLA does have a problem with quirk supremacy, but it’s not quite the problem fandom thinks they do, and it’s certainly more nuanced than fandom thinks.[4]  Frankly, I could write a whole post dissecting this, but rather than analyzing the canon at length in a post intending to be about my fanon for a series of slice-of-life MLA fics, let me just lay out some issues I think the MLA have.  Note that these opinions may vary member to member, particularly as you work your way up the chain of command.

Many in the MLA believe that people with poor quirks are less capable of asserting their will and becoming whatever they want to be.  They are not, notably, alone in that that sentiment—we hear versions of it not only from villains like Trumpet and All for One, but from the paralleled parents of Midoriya Inko and Shimura Kotarou, the would-be hero Bakugou, and even the iconic hero paragon All Might.  While it’s not universal, My Hero Academia’s Japan is full of people who believe to some extent or another that people with weak or no quirks are inherently less capable of making their mark on the world.  The MLA is just more blatant about it than most.

The MLA are, as a group, not concerned about the fate of the quirkless.  My suspicion is that this is because they think quirklessness as a trait is on its way out—that the touted 20% of the world population that’s quirkless is hugely weighted towards the elderly, those who are from generations when quirklessness was more common.  Think about it: 20% is two out of every ten people.  Statistically speaking, that’s a huge portion!  You only have to look at Deku’s middle school classroom in Chapter 1—thirty kids, exactly one of whom is quirkless—to begin to suspect that there’s something a bit off with the 20% figure.

Further, the MLA follows Destro’s beliefs, and we know from Destro’s manifesto that he believed meta-abilities were growing stronger over time.  So to their mind, not only is quirklessness becoming a thing of the past, but so are weak quirks in general.  While their clear disdain for both is damning—and certainly discredits them as a group suited to decide how society should be structured!—please understand that, “We’re not very concerned with the rights of the quirkless because we think that there won’t be any such thing as quirkless people within a few more generations,” is not the same statement as, “We are A-OK with 20% of the world’s population being second-class citizens for the entire rest of human history,” and it is really not the same statement as, “People with no quirks, or bodies that can’t handle their quirks, need to be proactively removed from the gene pool and we are actively advocating for a systemic, organized culling.”

That said, their disdain, if blown out to society at large, would absolutely lead to discrimination and, undoubtedly, incidents of the same sort of violence that the MLA themselves were forged from.  That they haven’t thought or don’t care about this is one of many things that make them villains.

Further, there is an ugly strain within the MLA that still recognizes quirk marriages.  Because the MLA values freedom, they’re not as ubiquitous as you might think (at least if you think the MLA is a bunch of quirk supremacists with no other goals or values)—“freedom” does nominally include the freedom to marry who you want rather than let your own meta-ability trap you in a life you hate. However, it’s equally true that in a group that believes very strongly in the value of quirks, the power of quirks in the future, and the necessity of fighting a war to bring about that future, there will obviously be members who support the practice.  There are absolutely men and women who have been bullied and guilted by their families into loveless marriages for the sole purpose of producing children with powerful, desirable quirks.  How likely this is in any given location mostly depends on the commander’s opinion on it, though it’s a very rare one indeed who would go so far as discouraging it entirely.

———–      

THE HEARTS & MINDS PARTY

(Considerations on Japan’s political landscape.)

The current monolith of the Diet, the Liberal Democratic Party of Japan, managed to hold onto power for a full century after the Advent, but their grasp grew shakier and shakier over time.  Initial measures to bar meta-humans from voting proved increasingly unpopular as the percentage of the population with meta-abilities grew both larger and older.  People with easily-concealed powers gained office, sometimes being outed, sometimes not, but on the whole, decades of oppression and violence led to an ever-more-popular opinion that the LDP had mishandled the whole mess.  They lost their supermajority in the Diet when their longstanding alliance with the Komeito party splintered, regained it again for a few electoral cycles, lost it again when Komeito itself fractured, and so on, their once implacable numbers shrinking year by year.  Still, they managed to hold onto a coalition majority right up until Saneki Yuuichi was elected to the House of Representatives.

Saneki headed up a small party based almost entirely on the issue of meta-human basic rights.  Like many meta-humans of the period, he believed that the best way for meta-humans to attain those rights was to live like so-called “normal humans,” to show that meta-humans were just like everyone else. His party advanced the ideology that meta-humans should only use their powers to help others or better society, not to advance their own self-interest.  They pushed stringently for metas to be allowed equal recognition under the law as any Japanese citizen, but also supported measures such as requiring licenses for the use of meta-abilities and limiting those licenses to those actively engaged in assisting police.  Deeply tied to respectability politics, Saneki’s party contained virtually all emitters, a scant number of transformers, and no heteromorphs, who the party felt were an impediment to reaching their legislative goals, but whose particular needs could be brought back up at a later, more receptive time.

Saneki’s politics gained him many supporters, but also drove many into the arms of the Meta Liberation Army, who vocally loathed him and everything he stood for.  The confluence of public dissatisfaction with the spike in violence represented by the MLA, Saneki’s coalition gathering popular support among both metas and non-metas, and the rise of named, organized hate groups trying to roll back what few advances had been gained in meta-human rights finally spelled the end of the LDP’s majority.

The LDP falling apart prompted a scramble for power that would stretch on for nearly half a century. Old alliances whose only common ground had been opposing the LDP found themselves free to seek groups with more compatible goals.  Young single- or dual-issue parties leapt at the chance to address their issues with more fervor.  New parties sprung up across the country.  Not only meta-humans, but minority groups of all kinds saw new avenues to press for substantive positive changes that had been dead in the water under the LDP.  Voting numbers surged as they had not for decades.

The old, conservative elements of the Diet were not gone, of course—they remained a substantial powerhouse!—but no longer could they muster the undefeatable veto-proof numbers that they had once enjoyed.

Like everyone else, the remnants of the MLA saw opportunity in the new, ever-shifting status quo.  With the place of metas secured for the time being, there was no longer a need for metas to form coalitions in the Diet merely to get their basic needs addressed.  A single-issue party from its inception thirty years prior, Saneki Yuuichi’s party was fragmenting, unable to decide on a single direction now that their uniting issue had been resolved to their satisfaction.  In recognition of meta-humans reaching population parity, the MLA launched a project to begin seeding the ideals of Liberation at the highest levels yet—the Hearts & Minds Party.

Beginning as a local party in a prefecture in which the MLA had gained significant underground support, the HMP campaigned on a platform championing individual freedoms and a wide range of improvements to Japan’s battered and overworked social safety nets.  They made an effort to showcase diverse representation in their leadership and gave impassioned speeches promising to reach across party aisles in searching for nuanced solutions to the various difficulties facing the country.

It’s impossible to say exactly how large the Hearts & Minds Party is compared to the Meta Liberation Army, which is claimed by Re-Destro to have 116,000 action-ready warriors (the “warriors lying in wait, ready to rise to action” description presumably indicating that his count does not include uninducted children).

On the one hand, one can presume that everyone who’s a member of the MLA is voting for the HMP on every ticket they can, but not every member of the MLA—who induct combat-ready warriors as young as 16—is old enough to vote, and many probably live in districts or prefectures where the HMP has yet to establish a campaign-ready foothold. On the other hand, while the HMP certainly serves to funnel people towards the MLA, it doesn’t require membership—indeed, it’s far better for their goals for them not to do so.  Therefore, it’s also probable that the Hearts & Minds Party has many supporters who are not (yet) counted among the Liberation Army’s number.  Thus, for the purposes of ballparking estimates, I opted to simply suppose that the two areas lacking overlap (MLA members who can’t vote for the HMP and HMP supporters who aren’t members of the MLA) are relatively equal.

That established, we’re working with a party that has 116K voters/supporters/members.  The closest thing to that number that I could find numbers for is the Japanese Communist Party (JCP), which counted 300K members as of 2017.  Using their total membership compared to their representation in the Diet (as well as a willingness to viciously bastardize anything resembling reliable political math), I plugged in my estimate for the HMP’s membership and wound up with the Hearts & Minds Party holding four seats in the House of Representatives, five seats in the House of Councillors, and sixty-odd assembly members in various prefectural positions.

For some context to those numbers, the House of Representatives (more powerful, but more vulnerable to sudden electoral shifts) has 465 members, 233 of which are required for a majority, and 310 of which are required to override vetoes imposed by the House of Counsillors. The House of Counsillors (less powerful, but serving longer terms and unable to be dissolved for general elections like the House of Representatives can be) has 245 members, with 123 required for a majority.

As you can see, the HMP holding a handful of seats isn’t going to tilt the My Hero Academia world on its axis.  Still, it’s more seats than any number of real-life Japanese political parties hold, and right up until the one-two punch of Shigaraki taking over the MLA and Hawks outing Trumpet’s allegiances to the Hero Commission, the Hearts & Minds Party was well on-track to continue growing its power and influence.

———–      

TIMELINE

(For ease of calculation, most dates are rounded to the nearest five years.)

1980: A glowing baby is born in Qing Qing City, China, heralding the Advent of the Age of the Extraordinary.  For almost two decades, meta-abilities remain rare and poorly understood—incidents are widespread and show huge variance, so most people write them off as anomalies or hoaxes.  As the years go on, however, meta-abilities become more widespread, moving out of the realm of the odd headline that many people think is an elaborate hoax into an alarmed spotlight as it gradually becomes apparent that this is a thing that all humanity is undergoing.  Most major technological development pivots to trying to understand, undo, document or control this new phenomenon.

2030: The child who will become All for One is born.  By this time, society is breaking down into chaos. Across the globe, measures from outlawing all meta-ability use to internment are seen.  Eugenics laws are discussed or put in place.  Communities attempt to run out metas and, in response, groups of metas attempt to form their own communities.  Infanticide rates are rising alarmingly.

2060: Yotsubashi Chikara and Ujiko (original name unknown) are born.  Japan is in complete disarray, awash in mob violence, with organized groups of both metas and non-metas attacking victims indiscriminately.  Developing an ability can get you disowned.  Divisions among the meta minority are developing a noticeable strain of respectability politics rhetoric.

2065: AFO forces an ability on his younger brother, unintentionally creating One for All.  Chikara’s mother is murdered by an anti-meta mob for attempting to speak out in defense of the normalcy of her child’s ability.

2085-2090: Saneki Yuuichi becomes the first meta-human to attain a seat in the Diet. Despite nearly a century of violence, meta-humans are becoming a larger and larger percentage of the population, and the people of Japan are tired.  The prevailing sense is that it’s time to make peace; however, the peace that is being forged involves laws sharply restricting the use of meta-abilities for those who haven’t been formally licensed.  These restrictions see markedly mixed reactions from metas.  Chikara rallies the most vehement dissenters to create the Meta Liberation Army, calling himself Destro.              Disagreement over how to handle the MLA finally finishing the job of rattling the Diet free of the death-grip of the LDP.  Many years of fractious elections will follow as new coalitions form to try and seize majority power.

2095: Japan signs an international accord acknowledging the fundamental rights of meta-humans.  This gesture begins to splinter both internal support and public sympathy for the MLA.

2097: Destro is captured by police and their newly designated Quirk Unit.  Other surviving members of the MLA are hunted down or go into hiding.

2100: The term “Hero” is formally adopted, having been casually in use for some time.  A Hero is one who is licensed to use their power to fight quirk-based crime in accordance with local and federal laws, assisting the police when requested.  The Hero Commission is established as an agency with oversight in the licensing and regulation of Heros.              Destro dies in prison.  Though the matter is questioned, no proof of foul play is ever brought forward, and the death is ruled a suicide.

2110: Ujiko presents his paper on the Paranormal [5] Singularity Theory.  The paper suggests that the power of quirks is continuing to grow with each generation and will, in time, become more powerful than the human body can control.  His evidence is inconclusive, however, and his citation of some of Destro’s observations on the phenomenon becomes a particular sticking point.  In a country that is finally beginning to get its feet back under it, no one wants to see another widespread panic.  Ujiko is stripped of his position; having been living on campus at the time, he’s left functionally homeless and is approached by All for One not long after.

2120: The population of those with quirks and those without reaches parity in Japan. Seeing an opportunity, the MLA launches the Hearts & Minds Party as a local political party, intending to grow it over time.

(2125: Yagi Toshinori is born.)

2138: Yotsubashi Rikiya is born.

(2148: Debut of All Might.)

(2165: Shimura family tragedy.)

(2174: All Might “defeats” AFO.)

2175: Hanabata Koku is elected to the House of Representatives.  He’s not the youngest party leader in the Diet, but he’s close.

2180: The events of Deku’s freshman year at UA lead the MLA to turn their attention to the League of Villains.

———–      

STRAY FACTS

Why 1980/2180?—

It’s an even number for ease of calculation, triangulated between a few considerations.

Firstly, tasers are mentioned in the One for All dream, so the events of the dream (which themselves are happening far enough into the Advent that society’s had time to slide into all-out chaos) must post-date the invention of the taser, which was in 1993.

Secondly, Spider-Man’s silhouette is seen amongst the group of characters who represent the “fantasy” that became reality.  If we assume that those media properties existed in-universe (since the narration is delivered by Midoriya) and were assumed to be fantastical at the time, they must predate the Advent—Spider-Man is the newest of them and his first appearance was in 1962, his material being translated into Japanese by the 1970s.

Lastly, technological and societal development crashed to a halt with the Advent.  The world of My Hero Academia generally reflects a modern-ish Japan, so I wanted modern technology—and modern social reforms—to still feel modern to the characters.  Thus, the point at which society stopped developing needed to predate the Digital Revolution, which really began to hit its stride in the mid-80s.  Hence, 1980.

The opening period is, admittedly, fairly generous on my part, and does assume a certain amount of modern advances were probably underway, but then were lost, sidelined or rolled back as the chaos spread.  You could probably trim off twenty years by stepping up how quickly quirks begin to appear and spread, but the very beginning is the best window to do so.  I’d still peg the Advent at 1980 based on the calculations above (again, it has to fall somewhere between the mid-70s and 1993) but, for example, maybe All for One is from that first generation, and society only takes 30 years to reach the lowest point of its collapse instead of 80.

As to the 2180, the older characters introduce several requirements for the post-Advent timeline.  Ujiko was 50 at the time that society was beginning to stabilize, while AFO dates to its days of utmost chaos.  AFO also needs to be running on at least one anti-aging quirk prior to meeting Ujiko; if the only one he were running on was Ujiko’s own, then based on his appearance and the mechanics of Ujiko’s quirk, I’d peg AFO at merely 85, and he needs to be not only over 100, but far enough over 100 that he’s described that way rather than as “a century-old evil” or something to that effect.

Meanwhile, All Might can’t really be any younger than 50, and seven generations of OFA bearer predated him, even if they did all die relatively young.  Destro’s mother was killed in those early chaotic days, while Re-Destro (himself no spring chicken) is told as a child that the MLA has been in hiding for generations.  “Generations” implies at least two; I further suppose that Rikiya needs to be at least the original Chikara’s great-grandson for him to describe himself simply as Destro’s descendant, rather than use a more specific relationship term.  All of this points to a fairly lengthy stretch of time, much more than is glossed over by Midoriya’s series-opening narration.

AFO and the MLA—

I mention in the very first story of this series that the MLA’s contacts all go “mysteriously missing” after the capture of Destro.  While the police certainly did their own measure of work in tracking down the Liberation Army’s members and allies, there was another figure with a significant hand in the MLA’s downfall.

All for One, then in his early sixties, had watched the rise of the MLA in some interest.  On a personal level, he admired Yotsubashi’s charisma and resolve, and, of course, he wholly supported the free use of quirks (well, his own free use of quirks, anyway)!  On the other hand, All for One also sought to restore order to society, albeit order as he himself envisioned it.  While he was confident that there was no one who could stand up to him no matter whose ideals won out, Saneki Yuuichi’s way promised a more stable society, and bribable and/or blackmailable bureaucrats seemed easier to manipulate than ideal-driven zealots ready to give their lives for the cause.  Thus, AFO decided to help the police a bit behind the scenes, offering a few tip-offs and hints to guide their efforts to end the threat of the Liberation Army.

Of course, as long as Destro was alive, the cause of Liberation still had its focal point. And AFO was still a bit curious to meet this man, who’d inspired so very many loyal followers.  It was an easy thing to arrange.  An interesting man, and an interesting quirk.

Destro did commit suicide in prison.  A man who had always embraced his meta-ability for motivation, and whose ability transformed that motivation into power in turn, AFO stripped him of in the same moment. Isolation from other contact, separation from his lover, his friends and allies, and his cause, a gap in his psyche like no pain he’d ever experienced--all of these piled up on one another into a fatal despair.  After AFO’s visit, there was no need for anyone to arrange a convenient death for Destro.

(And if in later years, the monstrous Noumu, who are driven entirely by pre-programmed, single-minded resolve, are flint-skinned from head-to-toe, well—who would ever even think to connect those dots?)

The Mother of Quirks—

An interesting thing I observed from Re-Destro’s confrontation with Clone!Shigaraki is that, based on their exchange, it doesn’t seem to be common knowledge that the Mother of Quirks is the mother of the Meta Liberation Army’s leader?  Re-Destro’s apology for assuming Shigaraki wouldn’t recognize the story suggests that it’s a matter of fairly basic historical education, but he then goes on to explain her connection to Destro at some length—if that connection were taught at the same time her story was, surely he’d see no need to do this? Clone-a-raki’s response backs this up—unlike the general existence of the Mother of Quirks, which was such basic knowledge that he was insulted that Re-Destro thought he wouldn’t know about it, her connection to Destro was unknown to him.

Re-Destro describes the connection as “an inconvenient truth.”  This, in turn, suggests that the connection has been actively obscured.  The MLA’s place in history is taught; the originator of the term “quirk” is taught, but the two are not connected to each other. Kids in school aren’t taught that the very child whose mother was murdered for her words hated what his country was using those words, that message, to do.  It’s naked appropriation that continues to this day, and it’s no wonder that the MLA is furious about it.

The Quirk Unit—

An early term for the group that would, in relatively short order after their formation, officially be dubbed Heroes.  Composed of both meta-humans already on the police force and vigilantes willing to remit themselves to legal oversight, they fought quirk-based crime in many forms, from the common mugger to the terrorists of the MLA, and even former allies in vigilantism.  Well-regarded by history thanks to their efforts in reining in crime and disorder, but quite a controversial group in their early years.

MLA Age of Induction—

Being raised in the MLA means being raised with the goal of eventually being assigned a codename and tasked with supporting the Great Cause in whatever fashion your superiors think you best suited.  The minimum age for this is 16, though 18, being the age at which students graduate from high school, is more common.  At no point is there really a safe way to leave once you’re involved; they are, after all, a secret army.  There’s no aging out of the MLA—it’s a lifetime tour—but disability, injury or general decrepitude can get you assigned to work that generally won’t expect you to see open combat.  The Army is composed of a great many lifetime-of-service families, after all, which means they need teachers and caretakers; another option is dedicated work for the Hearts & Minds Party, who always have room for community organizers.

Liberated Districts—

Settlements that are at least 85% MLA-inducted.  At their largest, they’re small towns; rural villages are far more common.  Without exception, they’re isolated or out of the way.  Tend to have unusually good access to city services compared to similarly-sized settlements.  Deika was one of the largest districts the Army had, chosen for the Revival Celebration due to its combination of a sizable population and a particularly closed-off location.  The MLA knew they’d need many warriors to fight the League of Villains, but they also needed a site that was not merely remote, but that had controllable points of access.

It can take well over a decade to hit the 85% saturation mark in even small villages; Deika and the MLA’s handful of other full-fledged towns are the work of generations.  They begin by moving people into an area and setting up gatherings on some useful pretext or another, enthusiastically welcoming newcomers and very, very gradually indoctrinating people further into the ideology.  Financial support, an accepting environment for difficult quirks or those with patchy legal histories, the odd homeless shelter or food kitchen, a robust presence in the foster care network—the MLA is very, very good at making themselves a warm, sincere, reliable presence in peoples’ lives, a group that encourages everyone under their banner to be their best selves. They think everyone deserves that kind of support!

They are also willing to shed quite a lot of blood to make sure that everyone can get it.

On the Intersection of Disability and Quirk Suppression—

There are a few factors contributing to why Scarecrow can’t use his quirk to do things others would.  First, his quirk is the kind of off-putting that gets Gang Orca ranked third-most villainous-looking hero and leads Shoji to wear a mask because his face disturbs people.  So Scarecrow’s quirk is already the kind of visible that makes people look at him askance.  Compounding this, his prosthetics are obvious, visible to any old person, and people have a very ugly tendency towards bootstrap, “you can do it if you try” mentalities around people with disabilities.  These two factors mean that people who are disturbed by his creepy articulate bug legs would much prefer that he use his significantly less-creepy prosthetics, to the degree that they’re willing to suggest that he’s being lazy if he doesn’t.  They cite the quirk-use laws as a deflection tactic, but Scarecrow—whose pattern recognition functions just fine, thanks—is keenly aware of the underlying mindset.

Nimble is in much the same boat—she literally can’t talk without falling back on a visual representation of some kind (sign-language, a text-to-speech reader, etc), and why on earth shouldn’t she be able to use the fastest and most convenient one without people getting up her ass about it?

None of this is the kind of thing that would likely get either of them arrested (though Scarecrow’s creepy enough that the odds are higher for him, “villain quirk” bias being what it is), but the laws-as-written, nonetheless, are discriminatory, and that makes people justly angry.  Angry people are easier to radicalize, and the Liberation Army has been working that angle since their very inception.

Re-Destro and Trumpet’s College Days—

RD’s an Engineering major with a focus in Manufacturing; Trumpet’s in PoliSci.  They’re two grades apart, with Koku being the older.  Those two years of greater experience shift the power balance between them significantly when Rikiya arrives for his freshman year, facing a new place, a new workload, an entirely new rhythm to his life.  For the first time, Koku is not merely a friend in similar circumstances who is still—as they’re both reminded near-constantly—subordinate to Rikiya’s every word.  Rather, he’s a senpai, someone with specific experience in every aspect of this new stage of life—and someone who’s had two years to become more eloquent, more well-studied, more confident, more mature.

Removed from the immediate supervision of the First Families for the first time in his life, Rikiya allows himself to lean on Koku in ways he never would have back home. Koku, for his part, has had his responsibilities here impressed on him by the First Families at some length, and has spent his entire life being groomed to devote himself to his Grand Commander.  Having said Grand Commander looking to him with such glowing esteem in his eyes—well, there’s no denying that it’s pretty enticing.  The two of them enter a romantic relationship that will endure for several years until Rikiya gets his head back around the idea that Koku’s ability to say no to him is fundamentally compromised.

The Bindi Connection—

I had no reason to develop them any, and thus I don’t have names to assign, but it seems that Twice’s No. 3, the smiling old woman with the gingham dress and the rough-and-ready attitude to combat, and Geten’s No. 2, the short-haired woman whose face is being devoured by her out-of-control sweater neck, are related.  Note the bindi on both of them, as well as the similar hair color, particularly in the page introducing all the advisors.  Mutual connection to Dabi’s No. 3, the guy who got into a fight with a hole punch and lost, is uncertain but possible based on the confronting-the-heroes page spread in which Hole Punch dude’s hand lays familiarly on Grandma Bindi’s back while Big Sis Bindi turns partly towards him as if to whisper some sarcastic observation about how lame Cementoss’s ponytail is.

———–      

FOOTNOTES

1: Regarding codenames, the first generation of the MLA tended to have names that reflected their meta-ability in some way.  From the second generation on, at the behest of Destro’s son, the codenames have become less literal, and thus less revealing.

2: Viz renders the job tile “Executive Director,” but having checked the raw, the Japanese term, senmu, is associated with a fairly specific level of executive authority, and it’s lower than I would peg “Executive Director,” which to my ear sounds synonymous or slightly below Chief Executive Officer.  Executive Vice President is wikipedia’s translation; Google returns Senior Managing Director.  In any case, she’s near the top, but not at the top.

3: At least, he wasn’t prior to meeting Shigaraki.  Now he’s pretty much in favor of a very organized and coherent belief structure that can be summarized as, “Watch Shigaraki tear down the world ‘cause he’s beautiful and I love him,” and honestly, mood.

4: I’ll just come out and say it: fandom blew Geten’s words way out of proportion because a bunch of people got mad that he was being mean to Everyone’s Favorite Serial Killer Dabi.

5: An archaic term by this period.  Even “meta-human” saw more use in academic parlance, while the term “quirk” had become much more widespread among the general population since its official adoption during the period of legislation twenty years prior.