#and i suspect both are also on the spectrum. at the very least they have some autistic traits that dont quantify a diagnosis

[andromedasummer]

every now and then i remember im somewhere on the aroace spectrum and i just kinda stop in my tracks and go 'huh!' and try not to sit on it for very long

[xxlovelynovaxx]

This is gonna wait a bit to come out of drafts, but I'm actually spitting mad at that exchange between me and another user about the distinction between assigned sex and assigned gender. Despite bending over backwards to avoid upsetting them or making them defensive, as an intersex person, I felt like they downplayed the significance of how assigned sex at birth is weaponized as a form of violence against both intersex and trans people.

So I'm going to state now. AGAB and ASAB are treated as the same thing much of the time, but will be used however works to enforce both sex and gender conformity. Even if perisex trans people - and typically those who have a dyadic-passing body - only experience the weaponization of assigned gender most of the time, intersex people experience both regularly. "Male" and "female" may frequently be used as adjectives meaning "man" and "woman" to be transphobic, but they are used entirely differently to enforce intersexism and altersexism, and some other forms of exorsexism.

As much as I hope someday that perisex male and perisex female will be treated as just areas within the spectrum of sex, they currently ARE different from intersex variations. I don't even disagree that bodies shouldn't be sexed OR gendered, and we should just refer to specific body parts, outside of contexts of intersex oppression.

How hard is it to listen to an intersex person who is saying "actually, people are assigned a sex at birth, it's just that if you're not intersex, you don't face violence about it and in fact benefit from it and hold privilege over intersex people"?!

How hard is it, when someone extremely gently says "okay actually, ASAB as a concept does exist and is important; but you're right that ASAB and AGAB are conflated, that sex itself is gendered because of the conflation of the two, and that both are used to uphold intersexism AND transphobia"?

How freaking hard is it, when I say "yes, but", when I'm AGREEING that AGAB is a thing, a thing that does massive harm - that "but I'm referring to your physical sex" is a bunch of bullshit - that yes in usage male and female are often used to refer to gender rather than sex, to acknowledge that assigned sex can ALSO be a problem?

How hard is it to acknowledge that assigned sex is a form of (colonial, often racist, intersexist, often transphobic, exorsexist) violence, that is as harmful and at least as prevalent as that of assigned gender?

How hard is it to let go of the idea that assigned gender is the only thing that exists or matters, just because you've universalized your own experiences?

If they are intersex, I am not aware of it, and would still like to point out that intersex people too have a wide variety of experiences. I, for example, have only experienced coercive hormonal suppression of my intersex variation, at ages 9-12 and 18-23 (if I have said before that it was only in adulthood, it's because most of us don't have access to pre-2021 memories due to trauma). I have not, to my knowledge, experienced nonconsensual surgery - it's still possible that I did especially given my infant (specific type of related) trauma, but given my early life history I am unlikely to EVER be able to find record of such.

(Being honest, I've suspected it more and more lately, but I still will not consider myself an authority on the subject or that specific kind of survivor without at least more evidence of such.)

Anyway, point being, even as an intersex person, it is possible to have assigned sex weaponized to various extents, and not consistently, either. Some people may have very visible intersex traits and have been lucky in not facing too much intersexism, while others may have more covert variations and faces extremely violent intersexism.

But is it really that hard to say "huh, I hadn't considered that viewpoint, if people of the [oppressed sex group] are saying that assigned sex is a thing and even that it also affects the people of [oppressed gender group] and how assigned gender is used to hurt us, maybe I should listen"?!

I just... just talking about how it's used in the context of assigned gender when responding to someone talking about other uses, and even asserting that the assigned gender type is the "primary" usage? Estimated numbers when including medically debated but community-accepted intersex variations put us at potentially ten percent or more of the population, so is that really the road you want to go down? because your claim might be revealed very simply as anecdotal bias.

I mean.

"we aren't assigned sexes. we are assigned genders based on our sexes, unless our sex is "too ambiguous"."

To start with, intersex variations are more than sex being "too ambiguous", and in fact precisely because so many intersex people have seemingly dyadic sex organs at birth, even those who don't undergo coercive infant surgery are often wrongfully assigned a dyadic sex at birth, and then forced to conform to that sex if their intersex variation at any point becomes apparent in any way. Often, if the intersex variation is not apparent in specific gendered ways, things like genetic results will be hidden from people by doctors so that they won't find out they're intersex.

And.

"just because society tried constructing sex and gender as the same thing doesn't mean that a group that is harmed by that idea has to promote it, you know."

Yeah, the solution to that is not "actually all terms used to refer to sex are basically only used for gender. It's harmful to conflate sex with gender so I'm going to pretend that everyone does it and talk about how assigned sex and sex terms are actually just assigned gender and gender terms. Well, primarily, since I have to acknowledge someone whose experiences directly contradict that, but they're an outlier and don't need to be counted. I'm not conflating sex and gender, I'm just saying that sex isn't a category that really exists in any meaningful way and is so heavily gendered that sex is really just gender.

Okay, maybe the outlier part is too snarky and not entirely accurate, but that's what it feels like.

I mean, the worst part is, I agree with most of what they're saying. I think "perisex" is a more important distinction from intersex than "male and female". I agree that bodies shouldn't be arbitrarily genderwd OR sexed and that ideas like "male and female hormones" are not only extremely reductive but are so to the point of often being actively incorrect, even within the context of the purely prescriptivist medical usage of male and female for sex specifically!

I even like the idea of using wolffian and mullerian to make it clear that they're simply two areas within a wider spectrum. I agree that sex terms are heavily gendered, though crucially one of the things I mentioned is knowing plenty of people who don't use them that way!

"Actually I know plenty of people who don't conflate sex and gender, and use sex as a descriptivist identity separate from gender."

"Okay but most people use male and female to mean man and woman".

Even if that's true, you're missing all of my whole points!

I just... am tired of feeling pushed aside as an intersex person, even when attempting to pander to presumed perisex egos. Is it really that hard just to make an individual who is of an identity that in my personal experience is more erased than my own, trans, nonbinary, and aspec identities collectively feel listened to?

We blocked them, which honestly I feel bad for. We were triggered and a protector did it and I don't feel comfortable undoing it, because of how badly triggered we were and how deeply unable we felt to express our own upset without them reacting emotionally in a hurtful way.

That could be the trauma speaking, but as we told our partner, "if you put up a hand to be like 'whoa hey wait a second' and someone pushes back lightly in response, it's pretty rare that escalating and saying 'hey! that's not okay!' will get them to back off and apologize. There's cases where it can make someone realize that you're serious about something important to you, but usually those cases require them already knowing you well enough to both recognize that and care."

Idk, it's not like they did anything so terrible. Like I said, I agree with them for the most part. Maybe I'm as angry at myself for not being able to be more firm and assertive about something that's critical to the oppression I face. I dunno, y'know?

But I just... I can't stand it. And as a brief aside, I feel like I'm living in a funhouse mirror upside-down world. I just got into an argument and blocked someone for saying that gender isn't actually a real intrinsic identity and that it's simply a social construct typically expressed through changing the actual concrete identity of sex, and now this, a discussion of how assigned sex isn't actually a real identity and that it's just the social construct of assigned gender and just.

SEX AND GENDER ARE BOTH SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS AND INNATE INTRINSIC IDENTITIES THAT ARE THEMSELVES DESCRIPTIVIST AND THEREFORE CANNOT BE PRESCRIPTIVELY APPLIED BASED ON ANY OUTWARD TRAITS OF BODY OR PRESENTATION!

You can basically identify as any gender or any sex for any reason. You can identify as male or female or other as a trans man, woman, or nonbinary person. You can pursue sex nonconformity but identify as male or female, or you can conform to a dyadic sex but not identify as either (such as identifying as altersex) for various reasons.

Someday, if we achieve true transhumanism, we might even be able to change any aspect of sex at any time, from the microscopic to macroscopic level.

Right now, we're stuck with a bunch of bullshit of people trying to shove two massive roughly bimodal distributions into two binaries that they don't fit into at all, and the resulting violence at people who defy and resist being shoved.

The trans community has as much a problem with intersexism as any other community, so maybe that's just why I have an expectation that especially when a fucking trans intersex person says "hey actually assigned sex does exist and it's intersexist and transphobic", that the bare minimum response should not be "but actually people mostly use male and female to mean man and woman so assigned gender is more of a thing and more harmful and actually sex is so gendered that most people don't actually mean assigned sex when talking about it".

Because I'm telling you that plenty DO actually mean sex, and that it's harmful, and the gendering of sex disproportionately affects intersex people. I think expecting someone to listen and not to essentially go "well okay but, I'm right about it just mainly being assigned gender" - to not argue however politely and speak over intersex voices... well, it's not fucking unreasonable!

I know that was not their intent, and honestly, that makes it worse. Because not being able to take criticism from intersex people when being intersexist, quite honestly, means you have the same impact as purposely intersexist people and makes you just as unwilling to change, but you get "credit" from other perisex people for "trying" despite not really doing so at all.

The fact that it's so subtle, and so "polite", the fact that if I assertively and vocally disagree I know to expect the majority of people to get angry and cruel and more overt with their intersexism, the fact that it's deflection and a lack of acknowledgement more than outright denial... well, I guess the closest word would be "microaggressions".

Used to make minorities look and feel "crazy" for being upset since oppression first existed. (Fucking reclaimed, btw. Don't @ me).

I dunno. I'm not eloquent. I'm a seething intersex person who doesn't have nice little words to appease people about this. It doesn't matter anyway. This is literally about how people didn't listen when I was nice about it, so who is gonna stop listening just because I'm mad about it?

Honestly, I think I'm most mad that - not once did they actually even say the word intersexism. Not once did they respond in a way that even acknowledged what I was saying about that, or my identity as an intersex person even. Not once did they even say "okay yeah I don't have experience with (this kind of) intersexism, my experience is of it being primarily used this way". Not once did they not only not express that their experience might not be universal, but that intersex people even face oppression for their sex. There was a token mention of intersex people at the beginning that didn't even include most intersex people, based on a misconception of what being intersex is.

At every opportunity, they redirected it back to the gendering of sex and using sex terms as gendered terms and even the idea that bodies shouldn't be gendered at all... all while never addressing the actual thing I was saying.

All while ignoring assigned sex as it pertains to intersexism and continuing to insist that only assigned gender was a thing, while not actually taking intersex experiences into account.

It's just... I don't fucking know. Just fucking listen to intersex people. Whatever.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.

Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.

You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).

I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.

Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out

Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i hope this isn't a weird ask, but i'm looking for some hope. i consider myself really fucking stupid. i don't think i have good "critical thinking" skills, or even good reading comprehension. do you think it's possible to get better at those things?

as i mentioned earlier, my answer is yes. as i also mentioned, i genuinely think that the fact that you are less than confident about your skills in these areas is itself valuable and not as common as it probably should be. i have worked with a fair number of kids, both in the elementary school classroom and in the upper grades for test prep stuff, whose reading comprehension isn't great, but who genuinely do not seem to notice there is anything off about their reading until they have to answer questions about it. they're in the habit of just glossing by a lot of stuff and not noticing. i have met kids who would swear to you they love to read who cannot accurately recount what actually happens in the scene they just read, but who seem pretty confident that what they're doing is reading. so if you're going around reading stuff and thinking, "hey, that's confusing" - congratulations! you are great at self-assessing your own comprehension. this is REALLY HARD for a lot of people to do.

i also think it's actually important to NOT think of either reading comprehension or critical thinking as a binary on/off switch, where you're either good at it or bad at it. both of these things are spectrums. in addition, both of these things are context dependent. there are a lot of things i have pretty good reading comprehension for. there are also types of text where my reading comprehension is straight-up bad: scientific papers published for other scientists to read; philosophy or literary theory of any kind; poetry. i tried to reread laura mulvey's original "male gaze" essay because i suspected people were using the concept wrong both in its favor, and i couldn't meaningfully follow its argument (although i think i am probably right because i don't really believe that many randos are so much better at interpreting freudian film theory than i am, lmao). these are all examples of texts where i don't have a lot of background knowledge in the subject area or a lot of experience reading this kind of thing. they are also mostly things i don't care enough about to put in the time and effort to get better at. (sometimes i think about trying to do this with poetry, but i have not prioritized this yet, to say the least.)

critical thinking also depends majorly on familiarity with a topic or at least with a field. i'll give you an example. on the podcast maintenance phase, the hosts attempt to apply critical thinking to common perceptions of scientific research. some of their points are good, and many of them sound convincing to me, a person who doesn't know a lot about science. but i soured on the podcast over time largely because on the subreddit for the show, an attempt at a scientific deep dive often brought at least one person who was like, "i have some expertise in this field and they are wrong." sometimes this is about interpreting a specific study (or, uh basic factual shit like the definition of a word), but a lot of times it's about big picture stuff that is hard to think about if you don't have experience in the field. one recent example that interested me was regarding a study done on ozempic. the hosts mentioned that in the trial, (iirc) two people died. sounds scary and not great! someone on reddit pointed out, though, that this was a very large study that recorded deaths for any reason - it's probably not statistically anomalous that two out of however many people died, and there's no evidence to indicate that ozempic had anything to do with it. i appreciated this science-minded redditor because i definitely listened to the episode and was like, wow! scary! but when i read that explanation i was like, oh, okay, yeah.

i am not any kind of expert, and i guess you didn't technically ask for advice, but here are some things that may or may not be helpful.

with regard to reading comprehension:

struggle is a normal part of reading, especially of reading complicated texts. if you are struggling with a text, it does NOT mean you "have bad reading comprehension" or are fucking up. it indicates you have good self-awareness about your own level of comprehension.

i don't have research on this one. this is speculation. but my hunch is that for people who have a certain baseline level of reading comprehension, reading things that are challenging to understand over time increases the amount of stuff you can read easily. i was definitely better at reading books by historians at the end of my history degree than i was at the start. and honestly, i was also better at it after i spent like a year obsessively reading books about new york city history than i was when i graduated!

related to that, it's okay to understand something mostly but not all the way!

it's also okay to determine your own goals for understanding, and spend your time appropriately! i have a terrible visual imagination so to really fully "comprehend" any passage in any novel that describes the layout of a room, i would have to get a notebook out and draw it. i'm not gonna do that. (weirdly, though, i often love reading that shit anyway, haha.)

there is a lot of research out there emphasizing the importance of background knowledge to comprehension. (natalie wexler has written a book about this i haven't read, along with some articles i have read.) the scary way to look at this link is, "oh no, how can i learn all the things i need to know?" the awesome and exciting way to look at it is, every time you learn something, it widens the circle of things you can read, which means it widens the circle of things you can learn about, which means you can keep leaning.

you can also google stuff. one time i was confused by a book's explanation of a government policy so i googled and found some articles that covered it in more detail. (and also discovered that the specific example the book had used had been phased out of the law by the time it was published, lol.)

there are some strategies that have been found to increase reading performance, but the research around these is mostly around them as teaching strategies. my favorite reading guy timothy shanahan has speculated that the thing the strategies all have in common is they're ways of getting kids to actually pay attention when they read. the main strategy i think has value for people who want to get better at reading on their own is summarizing. every so often, take a moment to put into your own words what you've just read. how often will depend on what you are reading and how challenging it is. every paragraph is a often a good benchmark for something dense, especially as you are getting used to reading like this. every page or every chapter might be more appropriate for something like a novel. there have been times when i've done this sentence by sentence because something was really fucking dense! (a general note: this can also help people who feel their reading comprehension is mostly fine but have a lot of trouble remembering what they read. when i started doing this kind of thing consciously it improved my recall a lot, and i had a decent memory for textual information to begin with.) (if you REALLY want a power-up, taking notes is great, but most people understandably don't want to do this for their recreational reading.) over time there is also a good chance that you'll start doing this more fluidly and automatically as you read and not have to choose to do it consciously as much. but if not that's ok!

a strategy that is not always a natural fit for reading on your own but can be useful for certain kinds of reading is setting yourself questions to answer and then seeing if you can answer them. obviously, this typically makes more sense as a teaching strategy because how can you know what a text will contain until you read it? but there are times you can make a pretty educated guess, or stick to a really basic thing like "what is [thing this is promising to explain]?" i once picked up a particular NYC history book because it had been cited somewhere else as containing an account of the consolidation for the five boroughs. it was a really dense book and i decided that while i probably wouldn't retain many of the details its covered, i really wanted to learn from this book the author's answer to why the boroughs became one. four years later i still remember most of the reasons he gave! (harbor maintenance; economic competition with other large cities; a belief in some quarters that brooklyn would be a good influence on the manhattan political machine; i think there was one or two more but i'm 95% sure those were the ones cited as being most important.)

look up words! honestly tutoring has made ME realize how many words out there i "sort of" know but can't provide great definitions for, lol. a site i always recommend for my students doing vocab is learnersdictionary.com, which is by the encyclopedia britannica people and aimed for kids. it's a pretty full dictionary, but the definitions, while still accurate, are a lot more "user-friendly" than most dictionary definitions, which can be technical in a way that makes them less than illuminating.

for critical thinking:

honestly at LEAST half your battle is won. the main error i see people make in the realm of critical thinking is believing they are qualified to assess information they are not in fact qualified to do. the name of the game is humility.

i think my own critical thinking skills have really benefited from times when i've been able to read multiple perspectives on a fairly narrow topic. when i was in my NYC history era (i really gotta get back on that train), one thing i did was that every time i finished a book, i popped over to JSTOR to see if any scholars had reviewed it. i specifically wanted scholarly reviews because those are the people who can point out things i would NEVER have thought of because i did not have their years of expertise. for example, i read this one jill lepore book that was... fine... but there was a review of it that was like, "it's weird that based on her sources she didn't consult the largest and most important archive related to this place during this period, and as a result is mistaken about how common or uncommon certain things she describes are." i have never heard of that archive so i am glad someone pointed that out!

you can't always do that, obviously, and also sometimes you don't want to. but i think doing that regularly for a while helped me increase my intellectual humility and build the habit of filing things i read as "interesting if true" while leaving room for the fact that maybe they're not. (honestly the maintenance phase subreddit felt like a podcast version of this, lol, and i appreciated it a lot!)

idk. there is a fad these days for teaching "critical thinking skills"; as i mentioned in the post i assume prompted this, there is also debate about whether this is even a thing. in grad school, i felt like i saw a lot of people who had learned to mimic what they thought of as critical thinking by asking things like, "what about kids who belong to [a particular underrepresented group]?" or "how does the author have bias?" and those are good questions to ask, but knowing to ask those questions is not the same as thinking critically. if i were to try to give a shorthand question that guides my own attempts to think critically, it would be something like, "how does this person establish that what they claim to be true is actually true?" the sources they use are part of this, yes, but, again, asking "what about the sources???" is not, in and of itself, critical thinking. you also have to think about things like, "they go from this idea to that idea, but does idea 2 actually follow from idea 1?" and the number one bias you have to watch out for is your own.

i want to state again here that this is not a binary and the goal is not to be good at it, it's to keep getting better. years ago, i read an article in the atlantic by a professor of math education about the importance of counting on one's fingers in early math. i was like, wow, that's so cool and interesting. i had a first grader who was really struggling with some very basic stuff, and i did some exercises from the article with him because i thought they might help. maybe three years later, if that, i came across the article again, because i had just looked up something else by the author and been like, "wait, what? this seems blatantly not factual?" i remembered that i had liked this thing she had said about finger-counting, and i went back to try to figure out if that one had been better or if i had been mistaken, and i was, like, horrified that the atlantic had printed this and that i had once read it and nodded along like "so true bestie." the article was full of leaps in logic that sounded good but weren't actually supported at all. i'm sharing this story because if you feel like you are bad at critical thinking.... like, me too, sometimes!!!!! everyone is!!!!! if someone tells you they are super awesome at critical thinking all the time, that person is a fucking idiot and you shouldn't trust them for shit!!!!!

one other thing i can't not address: i once not too long ago made a post to the effect of "my life got a lot better when i accepted the possibility of being stupid," so i did not want to harp on this off the bat or too strongly for fear of being a hypocrite, lol, and i don't want to argue with you, a total stranger, about your perception of yourself, because i am allergic to people doing that to me. however, i would feel wrong not to mention that the specific phrasing and language you use in your ask suggests to me that when you think of yourself as "really fucking stupid," there is likely a significant emotional component in that belief and the emotions that it brings up in you, and i would be pretty surprised if it were not at least partly a reflection of your general relationship with yourself. i am telling you this because it reminds me of the way that i used to think about myself in my brain. i reliably performed well academically when i wasn't having a nervous breakdown, but i thought of myself as deeply stupid until mid twenties. there are a couple of factors i can point to regarding why i don't feel that way anymore, but by far the biggest, i think, is just that i don't hate myself the way i used to. thinking of myself as stupid in the particular vitriolic way your ask reminded me of was never actually about my smarts or lack thereof. it was just a manifestation of my deep and painful self-loathing. so i encourage you to cultivate a way of being kind to yourself, of forgiving yourself, of letting go of the shame you might be carrying about your skills or about other things that might seem unrelated. my final answer to your question is that there's hope for your capacity to grow, but it's also okay for you to be where you are. this is about reading, but it's also about everything else.

finally, if you are confused about anything i've written here, feel free to ask for clarification. i am good with words and i've tried to be clear, but one of the writing-related skills i suck MOST at is being able to gauge whether or not i have written something in a needlessly confusing way, lmao.

[sgiandubh]

Hello how are you? I follow several shippers' blogs and I noticed that every now and then some bloggers publish hateful messages they received. My question is about mental health: how do you deal with it? I understand that your presence here is relatively recent, but have you ever regretted something?

Dear Mental Health Anon,

This is the kind of submissions I welcome with all my heart, because they are benevolent and witty. Forgive me already for what I suspect will be a long answer. It is not the pleasure of hearing me talk that prompts them, but the sincere intention to answer deserving asks as clearly, fully and honestly as I can.

The short answer is : I am fine, Fall is slowly coming and nights are starting to be really chilly. There's some light rain tapping on the roof of my flat and I will spend my week-end wandering around some of my favorite places on Earth. And now, onwards to the consistent and interesting ask of yours...

The worst trolling message I have ever seen in this fandom is the one I am immediately going to post below, because I think it should serve us all as warning and reminder. It was posted on a blog I have been reading from the beginning of my long lurking days on Tumblr: @cb4tb is one of the most balanced and articulate people in this corner of the Internet. I remember being shocked by its cold and very coherent violence. The feat of a casebook sociopath, who thinks her asks in Spanish (I am 200% certain about it) and who has an appalling command of English grammar. Written on Christmas' Eve and on purpose:

Compared to the alarming slander @cb4tb got (whatever for is a mystery, she is non conflictual and posts very witty business insights) on a day that should be completely taboo for every civilized human being (you don't need to believe in God to respect one of Christianity's most important celebrations), whatever hate I could get in here is definitely subpar. Most of it did not make it on my page and went straight to the bin. But it's not always easy: I am as human as you, Anon, and sometimes I feel personally insulted and revolted by the smugness and pettiness of it all. However, I must immediately add their hate never made me give up an inch of my convictions. They are the result of a long interval of watching and pondering, coupled with my own observations I gladly share with like-minded women all around the world. That often hits a nerve or bruises overinflated egos on the Other Side. So be it: I am not here to be meek and obedient, if I never was meek and obedient in real life. I am here to bring clarity and build trust, which incidentally resonates very closely to what I do for a living. That probably rates me as a moderate on the shipper spectrum, in the sense that by complete design I put aside some divisive topics I firmly chose not to discuss. I am not interested to bring attention on me, in here, and the least thing I'd like is to be a vector of discord. So that would also rate me as a peacemaker of sorts - and yes, that sounds perhaps pretentious, but I believe it is needed, especially now.

I only felt a clear intention to threaten me twice, both in DM. The first time it curiously came from one extreme fringe of the shipper community and I brushed it off, because it was an empty, almost ridiculous threat. I politely denied and that was it - two persons blocked me and there were no other consequences to it. The second time, an anti came to confront me on an irrelevant point, with a very aggressive undertone. I blocked and almost forgot about it. If you have it clear enough in your mind that such things cannot be avoided and, at the same time, you know that your own moral compass is not compromised, these details will not affect you. At all. I confidently promise you that. Last but not least: if you are not great with compartmentalizing, don't step in the arena. It can seriously ruffle your self-esteem and it's not worth it.

So this is how I deal with it: I focus on what I have to say (does it bring something new? interesting? positive? thought-provoking?), on the way of saying it (above all, be kind and gracious to every other shipper) and on the right moment to say it (only when I am honestly sure I can do it with no unwanted consequences). But I will stand in solidarity with any shipper (any single one of them) who is humiliated, belittled or disparaged, with not a single shred of fear in the world. And I would also fend for myself if necessary, if I am getting over-the-top slander: all the other yapping, I ignore. Sometimes (often, even) it's more interesting to watch.

And if anything else fails, I go for a long drive and have a coffee at the seaside or simply open a book or listen to some Bach or call Someone. Or take this little big guy out for a lazy walk in the park:

You ask me if I regret anything. Absolutely not. I have received more than I could ever give, in here. I have met spectacular women and men, I have grown very fond of and feel very close to. I have had the immense satisfaction of sharing their secrets, their worries, their plans and this means trust, in my book, for which I will never tire saying how grateful I am. I also strived to respond in kind and I mean to honor this unwritten contract. Last but not least, I have watched this community slowly dusting off months of sadness and perhaps starting to open up again.

And all of this makes me damn proud of who we are, Anon. Thank you for dropping by! You are always welcome on my page.

[alevolpe]

So I just read your HCs, and I love how you characterized Ami as having autism. She was always my favorite character-- we even share a birthday-- and I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees her as being on the autism spectrum.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I teared up a little reading what happened to Luna. I love the relationship Ami and Luna have, both in the actual show and in your headcanon.

Thank you so much!!

I love that more people are open to the autistic Ami hc now. It was always a bit of a no brainer to me, but I understand why some people pushed the idea away.

That said I love her. I've mentioned before that even back a year ago Ami was prob my 4th or 5th fav, but getting to draw her and write her more and more (and a bit of Makoami magic lol) she has srly grown on me. She's still not my fav, Mako my beloved, but she has a serious soft spot in my heart, I go back to her a lot for comfort.

So I'm always so super happy when people tell me they like my characterization of Ami.💙

Her and Luna's relationship is something I srly wanna explore more.

I see Ami as an outcast, but not really cause her peers actively dislike her, but cause Ami has chosen to distance herself from them, deciding to focus on her studies and academics instead.

This lack of interaction with people her own age has made it difficult for her to relate with them, being actually much easier to interact with people older than her (since that level of informality is never broken and that's where Ami is at her most comfortable).

I see Luna as a middle-aged woman at least and for her, connecting with Ami was easy since the beginning, even if it took her a bit for Ami to warm up to the idea of this 'new reality'. Ami does not want to do this. She said it to Luna since the beginning, initially refusing to aid her and turning her back on Luna's offer to become a senshi.

Though Luna stuck around, not only cause this is her mission, but also because she saw a loneliness within Ami (despite Luna's mission being JUST to reawaken the senshi, she couldn't overcome her maternal instincts). Ami is initially perplexed by this, but slowly starts to warm up to Luna, enjoying her company, her talks, her advice, her compliments, affirmations..

I can see a conflict within Luna at this point, coming to care about this girl, but feeling extremely guilty about her behavior, being very easy to be read as, well, grooming, for a lack of a better term. Tho Luna genuinely cares.

I think multiple factors influenced Ami to finally try being a senshi a go. Seeing someone being attacked by monster (which had Ami initially just simply ran away from it, Ami's but a simple human, powers or not, she's scared), an odd sense of responsibility put on her (Ami being an extreme people pleaser, if an authority entaskes her with something, she feels a sense of duty and drive to make the person proud), but ultimately I think the major factor was Luna.

Luna is the primary reason Ami became a senshi (refresher to the join order of the girls in my AU: Ami awakens first with Luna, then Rei joins, then Usagi). It's not easy, in fact it puts a severe strain on her, both physically and mentally, but Ami pushes through, for Luna. Eventually made easier (and harder in some ways) by the avdent of Rei joining the team.

Loosing Luna is something that will keep resonating withAmi throughout the series. It's like loosing a second mother, especially since Saeko has been fairly absent through her life (though Saeko will be more present, suspecting something is up with her daughter and she will genuinely try to "mother", Saeko is a disaster, in many ways more than Ami herself).

She will start asking herself why she is even doing this anymore, since Luna's not here, who is she even fighting for anymore? It's a very selfish question, she's aware, but I think it's a form of coping from her part.

Despite asking such a question constantly, she never makes to leave, she would never, she knows she can't, cause she cares too much about her friends. She knows she's now fighting for them too, but this would be the first time such thought would be a conscious reflection in her mind, having had Luna be such a central staple on her mind for so long.

Unknowingly, Luna had eased her among loving peers. It was never all easy, they had fights and they will have more, but Ami finally belongs. It's a bitter sweet feeling for her.

Ami loves her team.

At this point, she cares so much about Usagi, being the first to show her how to "friend". Starting as just an odd aloof girl that joined her team, to seeing her as a girl who always strives to make others happy. Bringing cheerfulness into team since the very first day, something that Ami became so accustomed to, she would never realize how much she would miss it til having to go back to an empty apartment, color seeming to drain along the walls in the lack of her presence. A simple genuine smile, something that seems so simple, yet so rare, Ami cherishes it so dearly.

And Rei.. Rei's complicated, she likes to make herself as such. Ever since the beginning, Rei seemed cold, refusing Luna's offer like Ami had done prior. Though this time, Luna just seemed to run in a wall every time she went to the temple. Talks, explanations, pleads, bargains, nothing seemed to work.

"I can talk to her if you'd like"

She really didn't want to, but for Luna, she will. The talk went as well as you expected it, an incredibly frustrated Rei trying to deal with recent accusations of her temple attracting mysterious attacks on students. Despite that, Rei didn't try to physically ward off Ami like she did with Luna many times (Luna is still pretty scared of that broom).

"Did that dumb cat send you? Listen, I have a job to do here, so you either get to the point or you get out of my way."

...

"So?"

"My name is Ami, Ami Mizuno" offering her hand to Rei to shake.

...

*Sigh*, Rei unashamedly pinching her nose in frustration. "If I shake your hand will you tell that dumb cat to-"

"Luna"

"What?"

"Her name is Luna"

"Yes! I know her name! She's been harrassing me in my own house for the last 2 weeks! Alright, listen. I don't know what kind of program you guys are a part of and I have no interest to know, but let me put this into clear terms so that maybe an actual 'person' might understand this better than a stupid cat. NO! Now scram, I'm busy!"

.. "..." "ok" bowing and turning to leave.

That night, something akin to guilt seemed to boil within a restless Rei Hino. She knew it wasn't due to how she confronted the girl, she had all rights to be angry! Tho a seemingly related vision of the girl with blue hair, lying perfectly still in a pool of what seemed to be her own blood stuck with her.

Rei will tell herself that she joined the team to get Luna to stop harrassing her and that the team NEEDS her. Like, come on, how is such a team meant to go on without the grandiose Rei Hino leading them to victory?! Earth would have no shot. HA!

Rei would never admit part of the reason she did join, was Ami, seeing the girl get hurt, or possibly killed, haunted her. She blamed Luna for this. Ami should've never been a part of this. Ami's weaker, almost fragile combat figure seemed like a cruel joke to Rei. Seeing the girl even shivering from her powers (Ami's not immune to her own powers), the small girl curled up into a ball in a desperate attempt to keep herself warm in a relatively cool night. With a loud sigh and exaggerated movements, Mars made to cup Mercury's hands.

Ami, being obviously perplexed and put off by this, but almost too weak to pull back, finding comfort in her companion's warmth after having to endure numerous and stressful post-fight recory sessions with nothing but the comfort of helpless Luna offering her kind words of encouragement.

It would take a while for both Ami and Rei to fully come to terms to the idea that they were 'friends'. When the newly recruited Usagi asked, Ami had no answer ready, which is extremely unusual of her. 'Friends? Are me and Rei friends? We're companions, teammates, we never really hang out outside of missions or just studying silently at the temple', though Ami enjoyed her presence. Except when Rei was needlessly rude to Luna, Ami enjoyed being around her. It didn't feel quite as lonely, even if they never openly spoke about their lives, hobbies, families... 'I guess we're not friends'.

Ami hated being so logical at times, but she couldn't help it.

Throughout the season and into season 2, this relationship between the two grew stronger, especially due to the 'Usagi' phenomenon LOL. Making it so effortless to bridge the two into more intimate moments outside of uniform. A mission to check on an amusement park became a fond memory for Ami. A picture taken of the 3, looking so much like the pictures she'd see of her school piers sharing among each other of their 'hangouts'. Funny how that worked.

Rei and Ami's friendship would def have its highs and lows, mostly stemming from Luna and how differently each girl would see her. Ami being very capable of holding a grudge toward Rei's treatment of her. All of it reaching a terrible boiling point at the moment of Luna's death and discovering about Rei vision. Again, Ami was absolutely blinded by rage and grief. She loved Rei. Rei's no murderer, but she let her primal emotions take over and with the events of season 2 after that, the two never got a moment to grief or a moment to reconcile. Rei still holding a massive grudge toward Ami, refusing to even speak to her outside of sailor business, while Ami is eaten by grief and guilt.

Mako being her main source of comfort at this point (Usagi tries, but she also has her own demons to fight still). The previously mostly unknown, if nice, tall girl that joined her team late, seeming to take steps to take care of a broken Ami, offering support, food, and and a shoulder to cry on.

Luna's influence will be felt by the team and not forgotten. Ami especially will carry her momery forever.

Idek why I wrote ell this LOL. I feel inspired at times , srry 😅.

Thank you for the ask <3.

[columboscreens]

Do you think Columbo is/was queer-coded? I do, and I will not elaborate.

lucky for you, i will!

let me preface this post with this: from what i've gathered, there's a pretty widespread notion today that columbo is some flavor of on-the-spectrum.

one, nothing wrong with me. two, nothing wrong with me. three...something wrong with me...

i doubt much of it was intentional, if at all. lots of old-timer fans will scowl at you if you suggest this sort of thing, but his hyperfixation, distractibility, various sensitivities, etc. all sort of compound in the eyes of today's sensibilities.

gee i wonder why

the science behind mental health is still very young and ever-changing. today, we call a presentation like this neurodivergence. tomorrow, perhaps something else.

but yesterday, very few people called it much of anything. at the risk of armchairing and perhaps pathologizing, i'll just say that some of what writers decades ago thought were quirks, some of what peter falk may have thought were just his own idiosyncrasies ("there's always a part of me that's on the moon"), could now be considered hallmarks of what some call ADHD and autism spectrum behaviors. incidentally, while ADHD and ASD manifest in countless different ways and in different capacities, a large corpus of study is beginning to compound showing the high comorbidity of the two.

well, that's all well and good ms. columboscreens, but surely you've belabored a moot point. we get it, columbo's Weird. what's that got to do with him flirting with the murderer?

a lot, apparently. shocker: research suggests that individuals on the spectrum are nearly 1.5x as likely to be queer.

now we've touched on an area of pertinence: if columbo is in fact "neurodivergent", specifically on the spectrum, then he is statistically more likely to not be completely straight. i've talked about his gender expression here and have been quoted in slate speaking to it. he's a masculine man who loves sports, beer, cars, women, and spaghetti westerns; he is confident, capable, protective, carries a knife, and embodies the highest virtues of stoicism.

yet he's also very gentle, nurturing, empathetic, and intuitive; he loves children, flowers, cooking, fashion, and shopping. columbo is a pillar of traditional western masculinity, but somehow also embodies many tenets of traditional femininity. he is mind and heart wed, recognizing that neither logic nor emotion is more important than the other, that both together are greater than the sum of their parts, and never solely ascribing either quality to either gender.

so for a man old enough to have perhaps gotten a WWII draft slip, he is very well-adjusted and in touch with himself. there is no doubt that he benefits from being a man, but defines that manlihood for himself, and he has very little of the pretensions typical of his generation. he transcends traditional gender roles, skillfully defuses conflict with black and queer people who anticipate brutality from him as a police officer, and takes a chivalrous yet distcintly egalitarian approach to the opposite sex.

when handling women, there are times when columbo will overstep his chivalry and act with benevolent sexism, most commonly by playing into notions of female vanity, emotionality, or fragility. however, keep in mind that these behaviors are almost always solely for the benefit of lulling his female suspects into a false sense of security--he never for a second considers them lesser or incapable, on the contrary. for an excellent breakdown of columbo's treatment of women (amongst other things!), see berzsenyi's columbo: a rhetorical inquiry with resistant responders.

point being, columbo is anomalous and anachronistic in so many ways that it's hard for me to not think of him as perhaps at least a little bit fruity.

happy pride, folks

now, people who don't even watch the show know that columbo loves his wife. he's obviously fond of women; it's well-known that peter falk loved practically every woman on this planet to a very real fault. and since falk and columbo are such intertwined entities, it's not an unreasonable assumption to make that columbo likes the ladies.

despite that, he has no problem getting handsy with men; he hugs, kisses, touches, cuddles with them. of course, male affection shouldn't be read as inherently homoerotic, and when this closeness isn't part of his plan to make the suspect uncomfortable, it simply demonstrates how self-assured columbo is.

xoxoxo~

in reality, most sensual of all is oddly enough the chase itself. i think there is really something to be said for the eye contact, the touch, the way columbo toys with his suspective men--particularly the ones with whom he builds a close rapport. it's not overtly romantic, but it is tangibly unique, suggestive, wrapped up in the games he plays. there is Subtext. the gotchas especially are often full of this sort of tension that seems to, at times, veer into this vaguely sexual realm. it's essentially a courtship, except instead of getting married at the end, he gets down on one knee and arrests you.

my god, i could write a whole post on just these two. watch this particular episode's final twenty minutes and tell me it isn't as close to sexual metaphor as columbo gets

tl;dr columbo as a middle-aged straight cis man is somehow better queer neurodivergent representation than what they churn out today. go figure

[utilitycaster]

On the Midst messages topic:

I thought the discussion about making their original PCs less heroic for the sake of the story was interesting, and “must a character have flaws?” reminds me of “must a story have conflict?” So I was curious if you had thoughts on what differentiates interesting characters in actual play vs. other kinds of storytelling, and how their flaws/virtues play into that.

Like, obviously there are lots of flawed characters in a show like CR that are in fact excellent for storytelling and fun to play, but somewhere else along that spectrum is Moc Weepe who is a fascinating character but (at least for me) would not be fun to play in a TTRPG.

Oh sure!

I think all characters do need to have flaws, and it's worth noting that even the classic D&D character sheets have a box for flaws and that's outside any stat dumps they may have. And to be actually compelling, it does need to be an actual flaw and not "they try too hard and care too much" unless they truly care do the above to the brink of destruction or something. I suspect the original incarnations of the Midst "PCs" still were flawed to an extent; it sounds like Moc was still kind of creepy and weird, Lark still kind of brusque and awkward around people, and Phineas still overly devoted to a horrible cause; they just weren't quite as extreme. (For what it's worth I think Weepe would be super fun to play in a TTRPG provided you all had had a good chat about boundaries and everyone understood that you were playing a complete bastard; I've never really played a TTRPG where you weren't a party working together but Midst clearly is not a party-oriented story so I think that makes a huge difference.)

It's true that a lot of people do make a really cool guy (gn) to play in D&D or similar TTRPGs. Sometimes, to be honest, this means that their game would not actually be terribly fun to watch. I do know people who are mostly interested in playing D&D for mechanics and puzzle-solving and not character development, and that is valid! It's collaborative storytelling, but the experience of playing in the story is a different one from watching it. I think a lot of people don't realize this - a really fun game between you and your friends could be mostly fucking around that makes for a terrible story (*cough* anyone who writes a novella in the replies or tags in a generic D&D post about their home game). That probably wasn't true of Midst even in the earlier incarnations, since they were working outside the bounds of mechanics specifically for the purpose of storytelling, but (for example) the CR cast has specifically talked about some minor changes they made to playstyle compared to a home game, and the reason a game not intended to be actual play from the start made the transition so successfully was in part because of the voice actor angle - these are people who have to find a story and come up with an entire realized character, often from very little, to be able to act.

The biggest thing actual play characters need to do for me is take action and voice their thoughts either directly or through subtext, because actual play has a pretty unique challenge in that it's like film, in that you don't really get a narration of the character's innermost thoughts unless there's some kind of voice over monologue; but you also don't have film's ability to show a character alone for a long stretch of time, at least not frequently; and you have to describe all the visuals. A passive actual play character, even if their mind is full of interesting thoughts, is not interesting unless that's being conveyed somehow. Bold moves are to be rewarded, as are characters who are good at bouncing off others (which means both conflict and cooperation; interaction in all forms). Characters really need to be making choices and those choices need to be communicated.

[carolinaboy34]

“George”

He had me pinned down on the shore with his muscular body, his arms covering mine and his fingers interlaced with mine, his chest against my back and his dick lodged fully in my ass. His feet were on the inside of mine, his toes digging into the sand to get some traction as his hips raised and lowered as he fucked me nice and slow. He kept kissing my neck and nibbling on my ears, each thrust of his pelvis driving his dick into me and mine into the sand underneath us.

My roommate George was a very cool guy. We had never met before we got to college, but we had talked through the summer and even FaceTimed a couple of times to make plans for our freshman year. When we got to school in the fall, we became fast friends. He was very different from me, but that didn’t seem to matter. He was a jock in high school, playing football and wrestling, but he didn’t continue his athletics at college, just worked out a lot. He was muscular but not crazy, a few inches taller than me and outweighing me by 30 pounds at least. His blond curly hair covered a bright face with an infectious smile. I’d seen him naked many times, and his dick was average soft with extra skin and loose balls in a smooth sac. I’d seen him hard several times in the morning after he woke up with morning wood, and it looked very respectable covered in his boxers.

We got along great and did things together socially many times. After I came out to myself early in our freshman year, he was the first person I told. He took it great and never changed the way he acted around me. I knew he was straight and off limits and never wanted to make him uncomfortable in his own home. I had brought guys home to the dorm a few times, but only when I knew he’d be gone, the same he did with me and hosting chicks.

We had talked many times about sex. I mean we were freshmen in college - who doesn’t. He’d asked questions about what it’s like to have gay sex and topping vs. bottoming. Stuff like that that most straight guys are curious about. I had never suspected his curiosity was anything more than that, but that night I came home after getting railed by the frat guy and he helped me get to bed, I woke up a little bit later and discovered he had jacked off and blasted his load over my ass and back. I began to wonder what all that meant. I know sexuality is fluid, and the old binary gay / straight designations were long out of favor, replaced with a model that saw sexuality as a spectrum that changes from minute to minute and day to day, for many people.

We didn’t really have the opportunity to talk about it, and I didn’t really know how to bring it up. I was blasted drunk when I got home that night and knew he thought I was passed out, so I didn’t see a way to just bring it up, until he invited me to his family's lake house for the weekend a few weeks later. We both had a relatively free weekend from major projects, so it was a perfect weekend to get away and enjoy the fresh air in the country.

That Friday, we loaded up his Cherokee and headed up the mountains to his house. His parents let him use it whenever he wanted, and they weren’t staying there that weekend, but may stop by to say hello. We’d met many times, and they acted like second parents to me at school - taking me to dinner when they visited and sending us care packages to share. They knew I came out and were also very supportive, even giving me resources for counseling and therapy if I felt like I needed that. They were great, but it was nice to know we were going to have the house to ourselves for the whole weekend.

When we got there, we turned the house on and brought our stuff in. They had a whole process for getting the house ready to inhabit for the weekend - turning on electricity, the HVAC, water heater, getting the hot tub ready. Lots of stuff. So when we were done with that, it was later than we planned on, so we put a pizza in the oven and got in the hottub with some beers. It felt amazing, and we relaxed under the starry night sky with the warm water and beer keeping us cozy.

We were chatting about lots of things, and after a couple of beers, the conversation flowed better than normal. He brought up the night with Colin and asked if I had fun, because “it sure seemed like it” with the condition I was in when I got home.

“Yeah, it was a great night. Colin is super cool and treated me right. We’ve talked about dating, but right now we seem to be happy doing the dinner and sex thing, which I’m perfectly happy with.”

“That’s so cool! I’m glad you’ve met someone and had fun. You deserve it.”

“Thanks. How about you? You seemed to be having a nice time with that girl at the party. Anything there?”

“Nah. We danced and made out some, but I went home alone, and we’ve not really talked since then.”

“Oh, that explains it…”

“What do you mean?”

I didn’t realize I said that out loud. Damn. “Um, yeah, I thought I felt you cum on me that night, and if you had blue balls from the chick, you needed to get off. My sweet ass must’ve been the trigger you needed!” I laughed and he blushed, but admitted that he did.

“Dude, your ass looked so hot that night. You had cum all over your crack and legs when you got undressed that night, and even had it drying in your hair. It was just too much, and I had to crank one out. I didn’t think you would notice that I added to the collection you had.”

“HA! I woke up just as you were turning off the light, and I felt your cum drying on my back. I just went back to sleep and enjoyed the feeling. I knew we’d get the chance to talk about it some time. A little curious, are we?”

He blushed and said he wasn’t sure. “You seem to enjoy it, so it must be pretty cool. I don’t think I’m gay - I don’t have romantic feelings toward guys, but I notice things that are sexy and sometimes get turned on by them, like your sweet ass covered in cum!”

We talked more and drank more until it was time to go to bed. We had separate bedrooms with king-sized beds, which was such a great luxury compared to our cramped single beds in our dorm, so I flopped down in my bed and quickly fell asleep.

I woke the next morning to the smell of bacon, so I went out to the kitchen and saw George cooking in his boxers and a cute frilly apron. It said “Kiss the Cook” on it, so I blew him a dramatic kiss and got a cup of coffee from the pot he had brewed and sat at the bar to watch him. We ate breakfast and discussed what we wanted to do for the day. They have a motor boat and a small row boat for fishing, so we decided to take the row boat out and just play on the lake some. It was a smallish lake that wasn’t great for skiing, so the motor boat didn’t make sense, with just the two of us.

George worked the oars while I baited the hooks and got us ready to fish. We found a neat little alcove and dropped the anchor, casting our hooks into the water and working them to try to catch dinner. We didn’t have great luck, only catching a few small fish that we put back. It got kinda boring, so George broke out the drinks he made and poured us each one. He gave me one of his patented smiles then he started goofing off in the boat, standing up and dancing around some. He grabbed my hands to get me to join him, so we started dancing together, rocking the boat like crazy and generally acting like fools. There weren’t any other boats near us on the lake that we could see, so I didn’t think anything of it when I dropped my shorts and danced in the boat naked, my soft dick flopping around all over the place. I spun around and twerked the best I could, flexing my ass and spreading my cheeks to show off my tight hole. I stayed bent in the middle shaking my ass, and George came up behind me and rubbed his crotch on my butt, dancing against me maybe a little too aggressively, because it caused me to lurch forward and to one side, which tipped the boat over, sending us and our gear into the lake. The water was cold and too deep to stand, so we gathered what we could and threw it into the boat then towed it to the shore. We got up on the sand and collapsed on the shore, me on my stomach trying to catch my breath.

I layed there for a few minutes and got my breathing back to normal, trying to dry in the sun, when I felt movement and then George on top of me, laying fully over me. He reached up and intertwined his fingers with mine then leaned down and started kissing my neck and nibbling at my ear, which drives me wild. I tried to raise my butt up to him, but his weight didn’t allow me much movement. He started to hump into my butt though, pushing me down into the sand on the shore underneath me. He was still clothed, but I could feel his hard on against my butt cheek as he humped into me. I turned my head and reached up to kiss him on the mouth, which seemed to spur him on, since he grabbed me and flipped me over onto my back and brought my knees up to my chest, bending me in half and humping me against my taint. I reached down and tried to pull his shorts off, but I wasn’t having any luck, so he got up and dropped his shorts, showing me his hard on uncovered for the first time. It was about 7.5 inches and thick, with a slight curve to the left. He had extra skin, but he was circumcised.

I gave him a hungry look and bit my lip, and he dropped back down between my legs and pushed my knees back up to my shoulders, this time rubbing his hard on against my taint, searching out my hole.

“Lube! Use some spit to help.” I asked, and he spit on his hand and rubbed his dick with it before searching again.

He found it, and I relaxed as he tried to push in. He wasn’t pushing very hard and wasn’t making any progress. I put my hands on his ass and told him to push harder, that I could take it. He started to push harder and harder until he popped in and went about ⅓ of the way.

“Oh fuck! You’re so tight!” He held still for a moment while I adjusted, then, when I started to push on his ass again, he pushed further and further into me until he bottomed out with his pubes rubbing against my taint.

“Fuck, Drew! I never knew it was like this! You’re so much tighter and warmer than a pussy.”

“It’s still a pussy! Just a little different. You use it the same way, only you can be a little rougher with me, if you want.”

“Yeah? Like how rough?”

“As rough as you want. I like it no matter how easy or rough you need to be. Just use my boy pussy to get off.”

“How about you? Want me to like jack you or anything?”

“Nah, you getting off gets me off. I’ll be fine!”

“Fuck me, this is so hot. Mind if I start to fuck you?” He had been just holding it in fully, and my ass was more than ready to feel him go in and out.

“Fuck yes!”

His dick felt amazing as he sawed in and out of my ass, his balls slapping against my ass with each thrust inside. He started to go a little faster and get a little more firm, and I was moaning like crazy. He got up to full speed and was really going at it, fucking me harder than he has probably ever fucked before, and I could tell that he was getting close. I didn’t want this to end so quickly, so I pushed on his chest and he slowed down until he then stopped fully inside me.

“Dude, this feels amazing. I don’t want it to end! Wanna change positions?”

“Sure? What did you have in mind?”

“Just lay back and let me do the work.”

I pushed him off me and he tumbled back and was laying flat on the shore, and I got up on my knees and crawled over to him and worked my way up his body, kissing my way up his legs, stopping to kiss his balls and lick up the shaft of his dick a few times, before going on up until we were face to face. I looked in his eyes, and that fucking sparkle was there, and I couldn’t resist kissing him, which turned into a full-on make out session with me on top of him, his arms wrapped around me.

I brought my knees up next to his body until my ass was over his groin and his hard dick was rubbing my taint. It was still wet, and I was still lubed up well, so I reached back and brought the tip of his dick up against my hole, then I relaxed and dropped down, taking him back inside. I rested with him fully inside me, continuing to kiss him deeply, now with tongue, before I started to raise up and lower myself, fucking myself on his hard cock.

He relaxed and laid there while I did all the work, my hard on flopping up and down between us and smearing us both with my precum. I kept bouncing on his dick, loving the feel of his steel hard shaft stretching my hole and spearing my deep in my guts. I could feel my orgasm begin to rise inside me, so I dropped down on him and held still. He looked up at me with a slight question on his face.

“I don’t want this to end yet.”

So I got off of him and laid down on the shore on my tummy, raising my ass slightly and spreading my legs for him. He took the bait and crawled over to me, kissed my ass cheeks then pushed his dick down and aimed at my hole before dropping down on my back and spearing me with his cock. He then took to fucking me hard, using his body weight to slam into me, driving my dick into the sand underneath me. He grabbed my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine, his toes digging into the sand to get traction as he raised the effort of his fucks to a near frenzy, moaning into my ears and kissing my neck as he continued his assault on my hole. I was flexing my ass like crazy to keep it nice and tight for him, and the stimulation of his shaft running through my sphincter was driving me crazy. His body weight drops against my back were pushing me into the ground, rubbing my dick in the sand, which was bringing me closer to orgasm. I didn’t want it to stop this time, so I rode the wave as my orgasm wrecked my body, sending waves of convulsions throughout my body, causing my muscles to contract with each spasm as I shot my cum into the sand. The tightening of my ass on George’s dick drove him close to the edge.

“Dude. I’m close. Can I cum in you?”

“Fuck yes. Breed my ass, George. Fill me up with your load.”

That pushed him over the edge, and he dropped down into me one last time and shot his load deep inside my ass. The waves of his orgasm rang through my ass, and I could feel each pulse as he shot into me.

We laid on the beach for a few more moments, just enjoying the touch of each other’s body joined in the most intimate act we could experience together. He was kissing my ear and whispering how amazing that felt before we decided to get up. We both ran into the lake and washed off the sand and sweat, me releasing his cum from my abused hole into the water. We splashed and wrestled for a few moments before getting dressed again and getting back into the boat. George rowed us back to the house while I relaxed on the seat.

Once we got back to the lake house, we went inside and surveyed our options for dinner, since we didn’t manage to catch anything. We found some burgers and things to go along with it, so we grilled out and enjoyed the setting sun on the dock of the lake. He told me how amazing that was and how much he enjoyed it. He had no idea it could be that good. I just basked in the glow of his adoration and the memory of his dick drilling me on the beach.

We fucked more that weekend. In the bed, on the couch, in the kitchen, on the dock at night. I loved his dick in me, and he seemed to really like my ass. He told me he thought he still liked girls, but that he loved the options and would love to keep our fun going when we got back to school.

And we did!

[burning-thistles-bt]

tw: mentions of real animal death

cw: descriptions of animal genitalia

I have only ever (knowingly) dealt with two intersex animals at the shelters I've worked at so I tend to base any of my intersex animal characters (ex.: Airleap) on them and...

one of them just died :(...

the first one was from a while back, a little gray and white kitten who had mutated genitals that caused his penis to be "at an angle" so to speak. one of his testicles were missing and he lacked any urethra so we had to cut a hole for him. previously he had issues urinating (obviously), but now he's a perfectly happy kitty who, as far as we last know, was adopted out happily with no issues save for minor leaking sometimes

the other was very recent, a black lab adult pup who came to us and was misgendered as a female at first, but then was discovered to have not only an underdeveloped penis and testicles but also a uterus. everything seemed fine with them until this morning their spay incision burst, which was awful in of itself, but then it was realized that urine was spilling into the uterus, especially during heat cycles, and that infection had been building for their entire life. it was so severe that they had to be euthanized for quality of life concerns (the infections would be constant; there was little to no way they could be prevented without extensive, expensive surgery that the shelter can't cover).

I'm no stranger to animal deaths, working in a shelter environment, and I don't normally talk about them like this, but I felt it was... important to mention, because, at least in my fandom circles, I have seen a lot more of a push for intersex characters and talking about intersex people in general. But I feel like what is often neglected is that it's not just another "queer label." It's not like being gay or lesbian; those are neurological, mental, emotional---they're labels to define your sexual or romantic attraction. Being intersex is physical. While it's identity is apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, I feel like it is distinctly different in a way I just can't find the words to describe, nor do I feel I have any authority as a cisgendered person to claim, but...

It's not just a label. It's what they are. It's what they deal with.

As far as I have come to understand, intersex is a wide spectrum, with things as minor as---for a cat example---XXY chromosomes classifying as intersex, because, on a biological stance, they are technically portraying both male and female characteristics, even if the only physical female characteristic is the tortoiseshell patterning, and the rest of their body and genitals follow male characteristics. For a human example, I have seen some say that cis females able to grow a beard can classify as intersex, as they are presenting stereotypically physical male characteristics. But on the farther side---and what I think some people often claim "all real" intersex people are---there are hermaphrodites with both male and female sex organs. And then there are those in-between, with underdeveloped female or male organs, or some combination of what's previously been stated. There are many varieties to intersex.

But I think that's as far as people ever think about it. Being intersex is natural, and being intersex isn't wrong, but I don't think people ever want to talk about or acknowledge the medical side to being intersex.

And I did too. Even though I knew (or was told) sometimes "there were complications" and "well sometimes doctors will stitch vaginas so that the baby presents as only male which can lead to issues later on," I didn't really absorb that there are real medical concerns that can come with being intersex.

Not for every intersex person. But for those like Nova the dog? ...There certainly can be. I remember thinking, briefly, after I had suspected and then it was confirmed that Nova was intersex, "I wonder if she'll have any urination issues like Roman (the cat) did?" Before I dismissed it because "no, no, she looks and acts perfectly fine, so therefore she's fine. And even if she does, Roman was fine, so she'll be fine too." And while I certainly couldn't have changed Nova's fate considering how bad the infection was already, I wish I had said something and brought it to earlier attention.

I'm not sure if there's any lesson to this but...

I want to encourage intersex positivity. But I also want to encourage talk about all aspects of it, rather than just as a "label" people use. I'm no expert on it, and my experiences with beings who are intersex only lie with animals not people, but I thought it was worth saying something on what I have experienced, because it's real. Being intersex is real.

[magicianpanache]

Is Edward Completely Ace ?

We know Edward is at the very least on the ace spectrum. So, the question is, is Edward attracted to women, men, both, or neither.

Is Edward attracted to women?

The only women we know Edward has ever been attracted to is Bella, he says so explicitly in MS. All the others he despises for being whores or cannot fathom being attracted to, being Madonna's.

Here's the thing, though. I very much have my doubts that Edward is sexually attracted to Bella. In Midnight Sun, even after falling in love with Bella, he never checks her out sexually. In fact, he barely admires her physically at all. When he does, it's her skin, her neck, her collarbone... Not her boobs or but or even legs.

What he admires is her aesthetic, in the same way one might admire a painting. This is not helped by the fact Edward is a lot less entranced by his kisses with Bella than the inverse, and that he tries everything to get out of sex with Bella in Eclipse and in BD, even after their marriage.

Another interesting detail is that when she gets a blood transfusion in Twilight, Edward is less than pleased

While I was aware of a significant lessening of my thirst-pain, I didn’t enjoy the change. This strange blood seemed an interloper, alien. It wasn’t part of her and I resented the intrusion, irrational as that was. Her scent would begin to return in just twenty-four hours, before she’d even woken up. But she would not entirely replace that which was lost for many weeks. Regardless, this brief distortion was too strong a reminder that, at some point in the future, the scent that had compelled me for so long would be lost to me forever.

This strongly indicates that what compels Edward is his addiction to her smell. Edward gets less than pleased that he can't get his fix, and could lose it forever. I suspect he developed an addiction to her smell and justified it to himself by saying he felt lust. In his relationship with Bella, Edward mixed up bloodlust and sexual lust.

So, the most he felt toward Bella is maybe romantic attraction.

Is Edward attracted to men ?

Well, it's really hard to know. Edward does not explicitly check out men in MS. That could be because Edward is deeply closeted. The most damning piece of evidence is his romantic attraction to Carlisle.

So, what gives ?

It's possible Edward is completely ace, though he is capable of feeling romantic inclinations toward men and perhaps women also.

What do you guys think ?

Is Edward attracted to men as well as women ?

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[celiaelise]

So my dad and stepmom have been watching "Love On The Spectrum", and I ended up watching a couple episodes with them.

The show is fine, idk, I don't really have thoughts on it right now. What I DO have thoughts on is how my father responds to it.

He always spoke about the people on the show as such an Other! Now, let me be clear. No one in my family is diagnosed with autism. However, I strongly suspect most, if not all, of us have it, and my dad's the person who I have the least doubts about. (with myself being second) Also to be clear, I have not voiced this suspicion to my father.

He KNOWS he resembles an autistic person, and has been told so by more than one third party! But he seems to think people who are "successful" don't count, or whatever. (Which, I suppose if we're going by the very strict medical definition of "a disorder", could be seen as true.)

But when I pointed out that one of the autistic people on the show doesn't seem to have enough information on a topic, and say, "someone should have explained this to him!" my dad says, "they do explain it to them, but they don't seem to be able to conceptualize romance and relationships the way we do." Like, excuse me, who's "we"?? You KNOW I'm 28 and have NEVER been on a date; the same age OR OLDER as some of the people on the show whose lack of romantic experience is being portrayed as remarkable.

An autistic man goes on a date with a woman who tells him she's a pre-K teacher, and my dad goes, "oh! so she's not also autistic." (I worked as a teacher at daycare/preschool for four years.) And then expresses that he'd been wondering if it's even moral or appropriate for someone without autism to be in a relationship with someone autistic. I remind him that one of my friends, whose years-long relationship my father is aware of, has autism, and their partner doesn't. (I don't remind my father that he, himself, appears to be an autistic man in a relationship with a nuerotypical woman.)

My father tries to correct himself, without having the specific vocabulary to, that he means people like in the show, who live with their parents at the age of thirty. "Physically they're capable of taking care of themselves, so, y'know, there must be some kind of mental problem." I don't point out that I, myself, will turn 29 in a couple months, and, though I do live alone in my apartment, I receive a pretty significant amount of support, financially and otherwise, from both my parents. He maybe doesn't understand just how bad I am at "taking care of myself" l am, even aside from the money.

Perhaps he doesn't know that I can't even walk through my space normally because there's so much stuff everywhere, that I only shower every other day and I'm doing well to brush my teeth twice a week, that I can barely keep myself fed and never cook, or that I'm currently struggling not to get fired over being late because I struggle to process the linear passage of time. Not to mention that I need an entire armada of medications every day just to function at THIS level!!

Honestly I've lately been considering the possibility that I might never free myself from my parents' support, what that would mean and what it would look like. Because sometimes I'm like, "Wow I really AM disabled", and even doing my current job, (which is easy, and full of autistic people) seems like a huge challenge.

So, anyway, idk. I related more to the people on the show than my dad seems willing to recognize, and that doesn't feel great. Plus, like, even if I'm wrong, and we AREN'T autistic, what benefit is there to distancing ourselves from autistic people??? From being like, "they're NOTHING like ME."?

[heretherebedork]

The idea of how teenagers relate to their parents and other adults in their life permeates The Eclipse.

Dika was a freeing influence, one of the few, an adult who supported Ayan, Akk, The World Remembers and likely other students we haven't yet found out about. Dika was kind, open minded and supportive, open to teaching and open to learning and honest with them about what he wanted. He found loyalty and helped them discover themselves in the process.

Chadok is a locked influence but a very powerful one. He has control over both teachers and students and pushes his own agenda and his own ideas. He does not listen, he simple tramples over them as he creates his own ideal idea of what they would be like. He sees nothing but the traditions and the traditional way to be and anything that is not is dismissed. His leadership of the other teachers has lead most of them to a negative place as well because his will is powerful and he has the authority to back it up.

But I really want to talk about their parents and how they relate to them. Because it's such a huge variation that exists in them and such a spectrum of parents in general.

Ayan's mother is loving and kind but she does not see the world the way her son does. She wants peace, she wants to wait, she wants to let the world be quiet and calm. She asks him to back down, to stop fighting, to just let it all go. And Ayan does not hesitate before disobeying her. Although he is hurt she disagrees, he is not going to change because of her. His relationship is distant and though there is love, you can tell that she doesn't understand her son.

Thua's relationship with his mother is warm but distant. He knows she loves him, he knows she supports him, but he also knows that no matter what he says his stepfather is the one in charge and his stepfather is a caustic abusive man who hates him for who he is. Her love doesn't matter in the end because her love can't help him, can't protect him. Her love only hurts him more, in a way, because she might love him but his voice still doesn't feel important. And being made to feel small by the person you know loves you and that you love in return makes it even worse.

Wat obviously loves his parents and wants to please them but also wants to be himself. He's torn between the parental loyalty that his culture and life have taught him matter most and the individual urge to be his own creation, to be his own person, to have his own dreams and follow them. He is loved and he knows he is loved but he doesn't know how to risk that love for the sake of dreams.

We don't know a lot about Kan's parents. Akk says they spoil him and I've seen talk about if his reaction is to what Akk says or to his thoughts about Thua's parents. I lean towards Kan knowing that his parents cannot accept his sexuality and knowing that though they love him with material things and support in school that he also knows that coming out or accepting himself would leave him alone and unloved. He is hurt and scared by the very idea of losing them but also hurting himself to try to be who he thinks he has to be to please them. Kan is just this aching wound covered with a car and tutoring and money but still bleeding because none of that can help.

Akk is the one we truly know the least about. We know he loves his hometown and his rural upbringing, we know he loves his parents and is loved in return, we know he is a scholarship student. But we haven't really heard him say anything about them or anyone else comment on them either. So... I can't say much, honestly. We just don't know yet. I suspect we will soon.

They are all from parents that they know love them but do not love some aspect of them or would not if they knew. All of these boys are trapped in places where the support is limited or non-existent and it shows in their pain and their fears and how they withdraw and get angry and want to disappear and regret falling in love and fear their own dreams.

And a lot of this reflects in how the love each other as well. Ayan loves Akk with joy and amusement and he is not afraid of his love, he is not afraid of what he feels. Akk dislikes what he feels but does not deny it to himself in the end. Kan lives in constant denial and fear and anger, pushing away his feelings even when the pain is evident on his face and in his body. He hates himself and who he is even as he wants nothing more than to act on his urges. Thua shuts down, pulls away, hides himself and puts everyone before himself.

[zorciarkrildrush]

I think maybe the most visibly autistic I've ever done is very recent - for the past couple of years I knew being enthusiastic about flags is a thing (r/vexillology and of course, maybe more importantly r/vexillologycirclejerk) and I found it nice in passing but not more than that.

However, since I am determined to waste a significant portion of my workdays, a couple of weeks ago while browsing a news site I encountered a silly little 5-question flag quiz. Can I recognize flags like Venezuela at a glance, or at least know it's not Djibouti? Generally speaking I know the African flag color scheme, but if it's not an easy multiple-choice question, apparently I'm kind of lost.

Things happened rather quickly and I became very determined to just, always succeed. I need to know all of them. Finally I landed on this quiz: https://flagpedia.net/quiz

Which is rather inclusive (i.e, some flags are of territories controlled by other countries, but still have their own significantly used flag) and is apparently regularly updated with the designs from Wikipedia. I experienced this first hand when the flag for Afghanistan was the old one one day, and the new, Taliban one the next.

Most flag quiz sites will still, in fact, use the 2013-2021 version.

So, 254 flags on the list, an inordinate amount of them sporting the union jack with some random coat of arms like so:

(This is Fiji specifically but I promise you there's a lot of these fuckers)

And every quiz I finished was with several dozen mistakes, due to territories like these, and random islands in the Carribean or Polynesia or off the coast of Africa, or just small countries in Africa and South America and so on where their flags are just not really common knowledge.

But as I said, I became both determined to always succeed and determined to waste company time. So, doing it once or twice every work day, I've started narrowing my incompetence, remembering new and interesting designs (and also looking up what's up with those places - who knew the Comoros even exist, that they have less than 1 million people in population, and that their government bureaucracy is so wildly inefficient it harms the economy in large, tangible percentages?) and developing little ways of memorizing them. If you see a Union Jack design with waves on the coat of arms, it's either the Falkland Islands:

Recognized by the "Desire the right" wording, and I guess there's a sheep too, or it's the Cayman Islands:

With some thing or other that isn't "Desire the right".

Ireland has this widely recognized flag:

But don't mix it up with the Ivory Coast (Côte d'Ivoire):

Ireland is known for being green, and "starts" with green. If it looks like Ireland but doesn't start with green, you know what it is instead.

Just tons and tons of these little tricks, dubbed ezelsbruggetje by the Dutch (Little donkey bridges! Random little tricks of memorization!), so that I can tell places at a glance, confusing or no.

No, don't ask about Monaco and Indonesia or Chad and Romania, I have no answers for you except sometimes I can tell Chad by the shade of blue.

So a week ago my mistakes have been lowered to about 3-5, slightly ambiguous flags like Gabon and Bolivia being responsible for it mainly (and like one last pesky Union Jack island or something), and last week it was lowered to one (fucking Bolivia still), and now it's at 0. I can repeat it and I have a very good chance at doing it completely open ended (provided I have tolerance for spelling mistakes and lack of accents, e.g with Sao Tome).

And there is no point, this is just A Thing I Know Now and it will be Stuck In My Head Forever. I always had reasons to suspect I'm somewhere on the spectrum, with special interests and social maladjustment and so on, but this is maybe the most egregious, forefront example.

Also trains are cool but like, everybody knows that, right?

Oh and if you reached this far, here are some of my favorite flags in no particular order, with no significance attached to the country itself:

Seychelles, the one, the only, the legend.

Morrocco, clean, set apart from the rest of Africa and/or Arabic countries, can be interpreted as occult by those so inclined, has insane harmony with the flag of Israel.

Iran, easily set apart from the somewhat similar but simpler Tajikistani flag by the repeating Takbir along the bands.

New Caledonia, recognized by whatever this thing is (it's a traditional Kanak totem-like structure placed on roofs?)

And honestly there's maybe a few dozen more worth mentioning but I've been putting off my housechores for long enough.

[bunshr00m]

i love ddlc+ because it puts even more perspective as to why characters act the way they do in the original game. i especially loved the insight into natsuki and yuri. we just assumed that natsuki was just angry all the time for no reason, right? the fact her father abused her does also explain her abrasive language as thats probably how she's used to being spoken to, but ddlc+ made me realize how she is very rarely malicious deliberately, and the fact that she is genuinely bad with social cues. normally people would think of yuri when it comes to a lack of social awareness, but i'm telling you, they both have it, they just act in different ways.

i love how natsuki and yuri are two sides of the same coin. yuri is bad with social cues and typically responds in embarrassment when she misses them, meanwhile natsuki responds in anger. however, even though they seem so different, their behaviour is actually similar. they both hide true parts of themselves out of self esteem issues, prohibiting themselves from talking about their passions if they come across as "too intense" or "childish". though yuri's most common reaction to rejection is self-blame, at least on the surface, she does show anger occasionally because deep down, she feels like she should have a right to be herself just as much as natsuki does, she just typically defaults to a flight response rather than a fight one.

i think them being so similar is why they tend to bring out the worst in each other. a funny difference between the girls' routes in ddlc is that either natsuki or yuri will suggest writing poems about the same subject to the other, and the other will suspect them of doing it to show off, because they don't trust each other enough to think either of them had pure intentions. when really, they did, they just reached each other in a state where the other is not ready to trust (because the trauma from feeling like their personalities are wrong and should be changed makes trust hard!!) right person, wrong time, even.

i'm sprinkling in some of my own headcanons/theories here but i think natsuki probably has ptsd due to the way she's constantly on high alert to defend herself, she always assumes that she's being personally attacked, and it takes a lot to settle her down, probably because she *does* get attacked at home and it creates a sense of panic in her when she senses that happening in whats supposed to be her safe place. as for yuri, ddlc+ pretty much convinced me that she's on the autism or add spectrum, maybe both. she seems to have rejection sensitive dysphoria along with her missing many social cues and being easily overstimulated.

i used to dislike yuri quite a bit because i found her hypocritical and didn't understand why she was polite one second, then arguing intensely the next. i felt more sympathy for her when i realized that like all humans, she gets overwhelmed having to hold in how she feels and is hyprocritical in her arguments because her emotions run so high that she can't think straight when hurt, it becomes all about how she feels because selfishness is a mechanism to protect herself from pain. with how uncomfortable she gets being referred to as "the smartest" she probably feels like the club has an expectation of her which she is afraid to break, so she conforms until she can't take it and lashes out when provoked.

natsuki and yuri's arguments are literally just them riling each other up without realizing because they're both thinking "i'm literally just being myself what is your problem" when really they've been hurting each other on a personal level without even knowing how personal their insults are, because to them, t's just their opinions, and they are bad at expressing them carefully.

anyway i love these silly sweeties who don't know how to communicate