#but it’s too comfortable and doing anything apart from said things makes me panic again so I’m just stuck in a loop

[kavehater]

Truthfully it would be easier if I just isolate myself from everyone simply because after so long of just shoving things down and being told to shove things down and being told to get over it and stop being sensitive I’ve become so much more sensitive after being so unfeeling and it’s ruining everything

Not even having aventurine could fix this 😔🙏 LOLLL

[ninyard]

Heyy! You said someone should ask you about Kevin under this post about Kevin's struggles from the nest of which we don't know enough... So I'm asking you about Kevin! Please tell us your Kevin thoughts! You always make very good points and I like reading your thoughts!!

cody my friend I am so glad you asked but you might regret it. i hope you're prepared from an unorganised huge convoluted MESS of a ramble

i've been thinking for a few days about this one like... what would a kevin POV look like? what is he hiding? how does he cope? WHO IS HE?

the kevin we ""know"" is a "coward", an insufferable bitch, an asshole and a hardass. other people's opinions and view of him makes up the entirety of our impression of who he is. but that's not who he is. that's just who we're supposed to believe he is.

kevin, born and bred to have this... borderline psychopathic lack of empathy, who can look his teammates in the eye after being told seth is dead or andrew is being committed and say, "what about the game?"

but when the raven's are switching districts; his sense of danger and fear is paralysing. he's three steps ahead trying to figure out how to please riko, how to keep himself safe, willing to put himself back into the centre of his abuse just to stop riko from finding him and killing him. he has to get blackout drunk to deal with any amount of riko. he's frozen with fear by being in the same room as him.

kevin knows where jean's mind and body goes to when hes panicking, knowing his worst place is right back in the nest being drowned by riko. kevin telling neil "do you know what he'll do to you?" and "he'll break you" when neil asks for his ticket. kevin's text to him before he goes into the nest, and staring at neil like he'd seen a ghost when neil returns after the nest (when he looks like the butcher). his comforting "i know what he's like" or "i know how he sees you, i know it means he did not hold back,".

kevin nervous breakdown panic attack day vs kevin smile for the cameras one track exy mind day

im so intrigued by him. how does he cope? his mother is dead, probably killed by the mafia family he was raised by. he grew up into a cult, he was only a child watching neil's father cut a man into pieces in front of him. how many other's had he seen?

how many other injuries cover his body, in places where the cameras can't see? how many rapes and assaults was he forced to watch in the nest? how many beatings was he forced to participate in? what did he have to say to jean in french that he didn't want riko to hear?

he needs someone with him all the time because of the nest. he's a "health freak" because of the nest. his sleep schedule, his anger, his anxiety.

did he say "what about the season?" re: andrew after drake because he doesn't care, or did he think "i've seen this happen too many times. and they've always kept playing,"? did he think "andrew is the strongest person i know. andrew is stronger than me. he would never let this destroy him," knowing that it has?

nobody has protected him in his life apart from the cameras and andrew.

he's scared. he doesn't know what love is supposed to look like.

he's only been a human for a year.

his scars are healing for the first time in his life and they're not being replaced by new ones, but every day he's afraid that that's going to get ripped out from underneath him. his entire life already got flipped upside down when he left the nest. of course exy is the only thing he "cares" about.

because it's the only thing that's been certain in his life, and even for those few weeks or months where he thought he would never play again, he trained and trained, and learned how to use his non-dominant hand because he can't lose this. he can't lose exy like he's lost everything else.

kevin has never had anything stable in his life except for violence and exy. now he has people he's supposed to care about, and he has to change his priorities. he has to learn how live a life that isn't fueled by self-preservation for the first time ever.

jean was only in the nest for five years; and look at him. look at what the nest has done to his social skills, his view of himself, his self esteem. look at what it's done to him, how he expects violence and contrition, coach and always waiting and waiting and waiting for the punishment to come.

kevin might not have had the same level of physical abuse that jean had, but he was there far longer. the ravens existed before him; their mindset and their abuse and their violence and their poison.

he's been drinking the raven poison since his childhood. the only difference between him and jean other than those things above is that kevin had more pressure to hide it, because he was half of the face of the ravens, half of the face of Exy; media trained or PR trained or a master at being a fraud and faking the way he speaks when he's being recorded.

kevin knows how to hide his abuse because he has always had to, and he's had quite a lot of practice at it.

kevin has only been a human for a year. kevin has only been kevin for a year.

so who is he? does he even know?

or is he just Kevin Day, Raven Fox starting striker, number two, six foot two, left handed right handed left handed, heavy racquet, stick size five? is that all he will ever see himself as?

anyways. or something like that. maybe he is just an insufferable bitch for no reason at all. who knows!

[roseghoul26]

Part 2: ...It Will Come Back

Logan Howlett | Worst Wolverine x gn!Reader

Synopsis: Logan gets to know his next-door neighbor. Tags: Not Beta Read, Title From Hozier Song, It Will Come Back - Hozier, Next-Door Neighbor, Older Man/Younger Person, Reader Is Mid-20s, Logan Is 200, Reader Is Described As Shorter Than Logan, Gender-Neutral Pronouns For Reader, AFAB Reader, Fem Anatomy, Logan Is Down Bad, Horrendously Actually, He's A Little Pathetic, Alcohol Consumption, One-Sided Attraction, Not Actually One-Sided, Talks Of Masturbation, Cuddling, Nightmares, Morbid Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Mentions Of Throwing Up, Angst, Angst With Comfort, Smut, Virign!Reader, First Time, Bit Of A Pain Kink, Okay Major Pain Kink, Hair Pulling, Cunnilingus, Face Fucking (male receiving)(?), Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Protected Sex, Feelings Realization Author's Note: y’all know that one scene where he puts the cigar out on his hand? cannot stop thinking about it someone sedate me also this chapter does have a pretty grotesque nightmare scene so head up (just bloody and violent, body horror is the best way to describe it even though it’s not that accurate). Taglist: @kemi707 @moonixlity @chexrybloss0m @foreverwing223 Part 1 ❉ Part 2

It had been two weeks since that night.

He’d been over three times since then, and currently stood outside your door, waiting for a fourth. He would’ve been over more, if he had the time, and didn’t want to seem too eager, even though every nerve in his body itched to be in your presence. 

It was strange. He thought his infatuation with you would die after the novelty wore off, but it was just as strong as the first day, and even more so. Like a sickness, it had taken its hold on his body, his brain, his heart, but he needed no cure. And he found he wasn’t going through the motions of life anymore, just passing the day by until something big happened. You were the big thing; he had something to look forward to now.

Most nights were the same with you. You’d serve dinner, usually leftovers from earlier in the week, but it was still the best food he’d eaten in a while. And Logan would find some way to repay you, usually by getting you to tell him about a maintenance project you’d been “forgetting” to do. You’d given up on trying to tell him it was unnecessary, only providing an amused shake of your head. 

The nights ended with the two of you sitting on the couch, chatting like you had the first time, but nothing more. The conversations varied widely, but never once again had either of you brought up his mutation. At this point, he was almost scared to tell you about them. It wasn’t entirely his fault that it hadn’t been brought up, but he certainly was withholding information that you deserved to know. 

He’d gotten braver in a different way, or “grew a pair”, as Wade had said, letting his fingers graze against your hand, resting his hand on the small of your back as he navigated around your apartment. And, to his immense relief, you liked it, a small shiver and one of those small smiles pulling at your lips. It was the only way he knew that you wanted something deeper than a platonic relationship. 

But that was the extent of anything physical happening. That desire, that hunger, still ravaged his body, yet he made no move to relieve it. The familiarity and comfort of the “routine” the two of you had created was like a safety blanket; as long as he stayed beneath its protection, didn’t step over the proverbial line in the sand, he wouldn’t lose you. He could make himself be fine with these brief touches if that meant you were still here with him, and he’d go at your pace for as long as it took.

But now he stood outside your door, much like a stray scratched at someone’s door once they’d offered them food. Kindness. Safety. He knocked before he thought too much about it. It echoed throughout the hallway, and he shifted on his feet as he waited.

He heard some commotion from the other side, your familiar voice making him smile. He’d found he’d been smiling more, and he liked to think it was because of these late-night meetings. And he wouldn’t admit it, but he rather enjoyed not having a constant scowl etched on his features, no furrow between his brows. 

The door opened after a few seconds of waiting, your face a bright beacon that dazzled him still. Like clockwork, that familiar twist in his gut appeared, a fluttering feeling that either made him feel ill or weightless. 

You smiled at him, just like you always did; he would do anything to keep you reacting to him like that. “Hi, Logan,” you spoke normally, but you might as well have been purring his ear, the way he had to fight back a shiver. Taking a step back, you wordlessly let him into your apartment, a place that was now starting to become familiar to him, or at least part of it; what he’d give to become as acquainted with the other rooms.

The night went on as normal, eating and chatting a second nature now, a familiar dance. You’d talk, he’d respond. He’d make a joke, you’d laugh. He’d let his fingers drag over your hand, your face would duck down, a sharp inhale from you that he could only hear because of his enhancements. A back-and-forth; he just didn’t know how much longer he could go before he broke.

“Is there anythin’ you need from me, sweetheart?” I’d give you my heart if you just asked.

“Not tonight, no.” You laughed at his incredulous look. “I swear! But…”

“But?” 

“There has been this movie I’ve been wanting to watch.” You still had a bit of laughter in your voice, yet there was now an air of uncertainty to it. 

He didn’t even have to know what movie you wanted to watch. The possibility of having you close to him was the only thing that was important to him. He was getting ahead of himself; the most that had happened was those light brushes and touches. But now could be the moment to change that, he supposed. 

“I guess,” he grumbled, shooting you a playful smirk to let you know that he wasn’t opposed. Far from it. 

He hated the small flicker of relief that flashed in your eyes. Like he could ever say “no” to you. Standing, you quickly made your way to the couch, Logan following closely behind, sitting in his usual spot against the armrest. And you would’ve sat in your spot, if it wasn’t for the feline currently occupying it, sleeping without a care in the world. 

He watched as your eyes flicked from your spot to the unoccupied one in the center next to Logan, and then finally to him. You were uncertain, but beneath that, he could see the longing in your eyes. “I won’t bite,” he found himself saying without much thought, gesturing to the unopened spot, a teasing grin on his face, “unless you want me to.” It was cheesy, yes, but effective. 

That was something he’d started doing, over the past few weeks. Teasing you. No longer accidental innuendo, his words were intentional, and set on getting you as flustered as possible. It reminded him of back when he was younger, cocky and self-assured, unabashedly flirtatious. It’d been a while since he’d flexed those muscles, but they worked just as easily as they had in the past. The roll of your eyes was forced, the grin you tried to bite back telling you all that he needed to know. 

He could feel the heat from your body when you sat next to him, barely an inch between you two. Maybe he was being over-confident, but he rested his arm across your shoulder, truly feeling like a teenager on a first date at a movie theatre. And when you tensed for a second, he worried he’d crossed a line. But when you melted into his embrace, something like a relieved sigh escaping you, any hesitations left his mind. 

You were resting against his chest now, the TV screen painting the room in an unnatural glow, images flashing across the screen out of his periphery. You were saying something, too, but he couldn’t make it out, too caught up in the haze he was in at your proximity. The smell of you, God, he could get drunk off of it. And maybe he already was, with the way his head spun, unable to focus on anything but you. 

“Does that sound good?”

Shit, you’d been talking to him about the movie. He found himself nodding in agreement, and if you suspected that he hadn’t been listening, you did a good job of hiding it. You just settled back against his chest, your legs stretched out, but placed in a way to avoid Maize. 

He never thought he’d be so thankful for a fucking cat. 

The movie started, but Logan only caught glimpses of it. Some kind of action/drama, he wasn’t quite sure. How could he pay attention to the movie, when there was a far better sight lying on his chest, smiling and enjoying the movie? And when that smile broadened as he let his hand move up and down your arm, the movie was an afterthought, background noise at this point.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been, time insignificant to him, when he felt your body go lax, something fluttering in his heart when he realized you’d fallen asleep on him. The pure trust you had in him, that hit like a punch to the stomach, nearly making him recoil. You… you shouldn’t place this much trust in him. You’d shoved something fragile, delicate into his hands, hands that could only drop and destroy such things. 

He should wake you, get you as far away from him as possible.

But he watched as your face furrowed in your sleep, affection and something else hitting him so strongly that he was grateful he was already sitting down. Prying the remote from your hands proved an easy task, and tried to not linger on just how soft your fingers were. Shutting off the TV, he somehow was able to get himself off the couch without waking you, completely unaware of the turmoil wracking his brain. 

Picking you up bridal style, he was glad he knew where your room was so that he wasn’t blundering around like a fool. It took some effort, only because his eyes kept landing on your face rather than the space around him, but he eventually made his way to your room, laying you on the bed gently. Wrapping the blankets around your body, he debated pressing a kiss to your temple but thought against it. He was just about to leave when he heard your voice call out, laden with sleep, nearly inaudible. 

“Stay?”

Fuck, he shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. But it was like you’d put a spell on him, your soft plea impossible to deny. And the way you were looking at him now, sleepy eyes so full of genuine longing for him; he found he couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to say no, no matter how much he should’ve.

With a soft sigh, he relented, slipping beneath the blankets on the other side of your bed. As uncomfortable as it was to sleep in jeans, he refused to undress, not wanting you to wake up and see him bare, and with no clue of what transpired. He’s slept in far worse, anyway. And with the sheer presence of you surrounding him, he doubted it would be hard for him to sleep, anyway. 

He expected you to keep your distance but was proven wrong when he felt your chest press against his, having turned to face him. He didn’t get to look at you for long before you buried your head beneath his chin, arms and legs wrapping around his body, effectively trapping him. Not that he’d want to be anywhere else.

He heard you doze off again, muttering something completely indistinguishable. Finally giving into the earlier temptation, he let his lips brush the top of your head, inhaling deeply, praying that he wouldn’t wake up to your regretful face.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

There was blood. 

Too much blood. 

It coated everything as far as the eye could see, a scarlet paint that glistened in the moonlight. When he looked down at his hand, they seemed to be the source of it, as familiar as an old friend. His claws were out, no sliver of the metal visible. 

Glancing around, the ground shifted; what was once a flat, crimson landscape was now covered in mounds, at least fifteen feet high. Mounds of bodies. He tried to take a step, but his ankle stepped on something soft, malleable. 

Looking down, the ground beneath his feet was no longer, well, ground. Countless bodies now littered the floor, their faces twisted in horror and pain, eternally sketched onto their features. And their faces weren’t unknown to him, either, a sense of dread washing over him as with each body he saw, their faces were immediately recognizable. Xavier. Scott. Jean. Wade. Too many faces to name. 

They were all looking at him now, faces that were once twisted in pain now in anger. Betrayal. The blood on his hands now made sense, the various slashes and holes that he now saw across their bodies now painting a bloody picture. 

He heard footsteps behind him, fast footsteps, completely unaffected by the difficult terrain. He was almost like a feral animal, the way he spun with a snarl, claws ready at his side. It was like he was moving on instinct, but there was a voice in his mind, his voice, praying for all this to stop. He just ignored it, drowning it out with the slow, methodical beat of his heart. 

Boom. 

Boom. 

BOOM.

His heartbeat morphed into a canon fire, making his ears ring, as he watched a shadowed figure run towards him. They ran, yet they seemed to glide over the grotesque terrain, completely unaffected. It was as if they were made of smoke; he swore he could see through their form. 

The shadowed figure didn’t stop, not even as Logan braced himself for an attack, crouching down low. It was when the intruder got within a few feet of him that he sprung, claws plunging right into the belly of the stranger.

He expected his hands to go right through. 

Instead, they connected with something solid, something warm. Flesh. His lips were pulled into a snarl as he watched his blades sink in, which turned into a look of horror when he watched the shadow fall from their body. 

Your body. 

He could hear the air leave your body upon impact, unimaginable pain in your eyes as you stared into his. He screamed at himself to remove his claws, and he, thankfully, listened. It was like he’d been caught in a bloodlust, and he’d just now snapped out of it. 

He caught you before your body hit the ground. The ground, which was back to normal, but all he could focus on was you. The way your blood now coated his hands as it pooled out of your stomach, out between your lips. Desperately, futilely, he pressed down on your stomach, the cry of pain you let out making tears spring to his eyes. 

“Fuck… fuck…” Blood pooled between his fingers. Too much blood. Your eyes, always filled with light and joy, were starting to dim. And then the anguish he felt when he saw fear flashed through them, using your last remaining strength to push away from him, wrapping your weakening hands around his wrists. “I-I… I didn’t mean…”

It was too late. Too late for explanations, for apologies. The damage had been done; there was nothing he could say or do that could change that. He could feel the way your hands began to slacken, growing weaker by the second, your eyes fluttering close. “No, no, sweetheart,” he pressed down harder as if that could fix it, “Keeps those eyes on me. Please.”

He could barely recognize his own voice.

But you listened, your eyes opening once more. But he almost preferred if you closed them, that way he didn’t have to see the pain, the fear, the betrayal. All because of him.

He couldn’t help the pained cry that tore from his throat. And to think he thought he could have someone like you in his life and not have it end any other way. 

Your lips were moving, now, but he couldn’t hear you over the high-pitched ringing in his ears. It was just one word, on repeat, and despite his best efforts, he could feel himself getting entranced by the way your lips moved, the horrific scene around him becoming blurry. 

Then he realized you were saying his name. 

Logan. 

Logan.

“Logan!”

It was like someone flipped a switch, your voice now hitting his ears, completely audible now. And you were no longer in his arms, but rather leaning above him, a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. When you saw his eyes, you pulled back, barely in time to avoid getting toppled over by the force he sat up at. 

His breathing came in heavy pants, his heartbeat the complete opposite of the one in his dream. Nightmare. It had all been a fucking nightmare, the relief unimaginable as he took in his surroundings. It was no longer the bloody landscape, but a room. Your room.

Nightmares weren’t uncommon for him. At least once a week, he’d wake with a start, claws ready to swipe at an unseen enemy, drenched in a cold sweat. He should’ve known better than to fall asleep in your bed. He was supposed to be strong, relied upon by you. God, he should’ve known better. 

He forced himself to look over to the other side of the bed, still expecting to see your wounded body. How grateful he was that you were sitting upright, kneeling beside him on the bed, worry making your brow furrow as your eyes scanned over him. Your eyes, which were no longer filled with distrust and pain, but of genuine concern.

“You… I…” He couldn’t get a sentence out, his body forcing oxygen in and out of his body at such a rapid pace.

“Breathe, Logan,” your voice was firm, but far from uncaring. “You’re alright. Just take a deep breath for me.”

It was like his body was wired to follow your orders, a shaky yet longer inhale finally gracing his lungs. You nodded your approval, yet no less worried. He hated that he was the cause of it. “Now out. Slowly.”

It took a few more deep breaths by your instruction until he didn’t feel like he was suffocating, yet his heart had yet to slow down. “Are you alright?” Was the first thing he said when he could talk, his voice surprisingly hoarse. 

Confusion flashed across your face, which quickly turned into surprised understanding. You didn’t respond, not right away. Instead, you let your fingers brush his wrist, a silent question, not sure if he wanted to be touched yet. When he nodded once, you wrapped your hand around it, but instead of pulling him away, you tugged him towards you, resting his hand against your chest. 

“I’m alright,” you finally spoke, your voice gentle. He could feel it beneath his fingers, and then the beat of your heart. It was constant. Strong. You were alright. 

“You’re bleeding.”

He barely heard you, entranced by the rhythm of your heart, feeling as his own heart slowed to match yours. You’re alright, he repeated in his head. He could barely feel the familiar sting between his fingers. 

“Logan, your hands. They’re bleeding.”

It was the urgency in your voice that finally snapped him out of the trance, finally focusing on the hand that rested on your chest. To his horror, you were right, the space between his knuckles was now splotched with congealed blood. It was nothing to the scene he’d created in his mind, but for a moment, he saw his hands once again covered in your blood, and he swore he was going to be sick.

Bolting from the bed, he stumbled over his own feet as he practically ran to the kitchen, not even waiting for the water to warm before he scrubbed his hands. 

And scrubbed.

He scrubbed until his hands stung, then faded as his powers kicked in. He didn’t hear you as you approached, calling his name out softly. But not patronizingly. He almost wanted you to be, so that he didn’t have to know how deeply you cared about him during his weakest. He didn’t want you to see him like this. 

A warm presence made itself known beside him, yet not touching. He saw as you turned off the water, a towel in your other hand. You held out an open hand, and it took a few seconds of hesitating before he was resting one of his hands in yours. 

You were so gentle as you dried his hands. Hands that had inflicted unimaginable pain unto you, you were now regarded as delicate objects, a small frown on your face as you worked. 

Nightmare, he reminded himself. It was just a nightmare. 

“Just a nightmare,” you echoed, making him realize that he’d spoken aloud. 

He watched as you dried his other hand, the act doing more to calm his pounding heart than he thought. Beneath the whirlwind of emotions that whipped around his mind, there was a warm sensation, one that started in the chest, and blossomed out across his buzzing nerves, calming them. 

The world wasn’t spinning anymore; you were there to ground him. 

“Are you bleeding anywhere else?”

Your eyes roamed over his body, and he could feel the concern radiating from you. He shook his head. He knew exactly what had caused the blood; he just didn’t know if you’d seen it. 

His response just made your brows furrow deeper, looking almost like him. “Then how…” he heard you mutter to yourself, only picking it up because of his enhancements. “You’re being honest?” Your confusion was understandable, seeing blood between his knuckles with no explanation, no wound remaining as evidence. It was just there. 

“I swear.”

You sighed lightly, your worry not letting up. Tossing the towel to the counter beside you, he expected you to drop his hand but was pleasantly surprised when you wove your fingers through his instead. If only you knew the images that still haunted his mind. 

“Do you remember when you asked me if I was more than just a construction worker?” He wasn’t quite sure why he decided now was the time to tell you. Maybe he knew you deserved an answer. Or maybe he knew he didn’t have to bear this weight alone any longer. Either way, it was too late for him to back out, your head tilting in confusion. 

“And then how I said you weren’t wrong.”

“Logan, you don’t gotta-”

“Please.” His voice was still so hoarse. “If I don’t tell you now, then I never fucking will.”

“Alright.” It was quieter than a whisper. 

“How much do you know about Wade? About his… abilities?”

“I know he can’t die,” you responded. “Grows back limbs, survives the impossible. Are… are you the same?”

“Essentially the same,” he muttered, not wanting to get into the finer details. 

If anything, you just looked more confused now. He didn’t have to read your mind to know what you were thinking. What does this have to do with anything?

“And… there’s a bit more to it.”

As much as he didn’t want to pull away from your hold, he did, holding it close to his chest. As far away as he could from you. 

He felt the familiar sting as he let his claws extend; what once used to hurt was background noise. As the adamantium blades stood in all their glory, a ring of red grew where they appeared from the skin. 

Your answer to where the blood came from.

As quickly as they appeared, they were gone, rescinding back into his skin with a soft metallic noise. And, like always, the skin began to close not even a second later, with no evidence of his claws existing besides the small patches of blood. 

He hadn’t looked at you once during this time, not wanting to see the fear, the disgust he knew he was going to see. But he forced himself to meet your eye; he wasn’t sure if he liked that your expression barely changed. You were silent, and he couldn’t stand and wait for you to respond; he was too fucking scared.

He turned back toward the sink, washing his hands for what felt like the millionth time that night. When he reached for the towel, however, he found that it was gone, nearly jumping when he felt you grasp his hand again. 

It was almost pathetic, the shaky exhale he let out when he felt you begin to dry his hands, just as gently as you had before. Acceptance. There was no disgust or fear on your face; he was foolish for thinking that you would hold that kind of reaction. He felt like he could breathe again, free of the weight that had plagued him for so long. 

Even when his hands were dry, you didn’t let go, bringing one of his hands closer to your face. You met his eye, then, your free hand hovered above, a silent question in the act. He nodded, still partially convinced it was all some trick. 

He shivered when he felt your fingers drag across his knuckles, then down, following the prominent tendons and veins in his hand. “They’re in here?” He swore you nearly sounded in awe. Just like always, there was no other intention in your questions except for sheer curiosity. 

“Yes.” His voice was shaky once again, this time because of the way you trailed your fingers across his hand, nearly reverent in your motions. 

They stilled for a second. “Do they hurt you?” There was a genuine worry to your tone; it made his heart ache. That warm feeling was like a goddamn inferno now, ready to consume him.

“I’ve gotten used to it.”

Another few moments passed of you simply touching him, the most you’d ever done. It made his head spin, for a good reason this time. “Were…” your voice was hesitant, cautious, “were you afraid that I was going to, well, be afraid? Is that why you didn’t tell me earlier?”

You’d just read him like a fucking book. “Why aren’t you afraid?” To any other person, those words would be a threat, one that would send them running. But he nearly sounded incredulous, suspended in disbelief. 

“You’ve given me no reason to be.”

The pure honesty in your voice nearly forced him to believe you. Nearly. “You… you don’t know the things I’ve done, sweetheart. The people I’ve hurt. Betrayed. Let down. People I know. People I care about. People I love. They’ve got reason to be fucking afraid. And you should be, too.”

He was trying to push you away. You both knew it. He just couldn’t bear the idea of his nightmares becoming reality. This was for your own good, for your wellbeing. You needed to get as far away from him as you could. 

“But I’m not.” You punctuated every word, drilling it into his brain. Your fingers now grasped his hand, squeezing it tight. “There are many things I feel when I look at you, Longan. Fear has never been one of them.”

“Not yet.”

“Not ever.”

“You don’t fuckin’ know that. I could hurt you, just like in my dreams-”

“Dreams, darling. Just dreams. Nasty, horrible dreams, but dreams nonetheless.” He could feel your thumb rubbing circles into his hand. He wondered if you could feel the way his heart spiked at the endearment, body melting under the warmth of your affections. 

He could feel the pillars of his argument crumble away into nothingness, the barriers he’d forced up falling with every word from your lips, every gentle stroke of your hand. You were marching straight towards his heart, his scared, wounded heart, but your arms were open wide, free of any weapon. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” It was one last-ditch attempt, but he knew it was unconvincing the moment the words left him.

“You won’t, Logan.”

He could make himself believe you. For now. 

He wasn’t sure how long the two of you stood there, you never once letting go of his hand. The urge to reach out, to gather you in his arms, tugged at him like a siren’s call, but he feared he wouldn’t be able to stop there. Affection thrummed so strongly in his heart, that it nearly knocked him off his feet, body burning alive. It was a welcome sensation. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell ya earlier.”

You shook your head at that. “You don’t gotta apologize. I understand why you didn’t say anything, but I hope you’ll be more honest in the future. I wanna help you, and I… I want you to trust me. To let me in. To be a part of your life.”

It took a few moments for him to register what exactly you were saying, and for the first time since he woke, a smile found itself tugging at his lips. Not a smirk, not a grin. A genuine fucking smile; he doubted he’d recognize himself in the mirror. 

He let his free hand sneak behind your body, resting on the small of your back. A sharp inhale left you when he tugged you close, but he could see the excitement in your widened eyes. Nervous, yes, but excited. 

He dropped your hand, but he didn’t go without feeling your skin for long. He let his hand hold the side of your face; he doesn’t think he’s ever concentrated this hard on being gentle. It still stunned him, just how beautiful you were, gazing up at him with stars in your eyes. He was scared of dimming them, but damn if he wasn’t gonna try and keep them blazing bright. 

“Can I be honest right now?”

He felt you nod, your eyes dancing across his face. The tense and despair-ridden atmosphere from earlier had dissipated, a charged and heated one taking its place. That hunger, that desire, which he’d worked so hard to reign in, was breaking free of its confines; he didn’t think he’d have to hold out much longer, though. 

“I’d really like to fuckin’ kiss you.”

Even with the way his hand cradled your face, the way he pressed you in close, you nearly seemed surprised. He watched as you swallowed nervously, teeth pulling gently at your bottom lip. How he craved it to be his teeth, dragging and nipping at your skin. You just needed to give him the go-ahead. 

He didn’t have to wait long. Your voice was airy when you spoke, nodding in tandem with your words. “Alright.”

The corner of his mouth tilted up, the only proof of the fucking elation he felt. He’d no longer have to imagine what your lips would feel like, taste like. Leaning down, he heard the slight intake in your breath, the proximity making you just as dizzy as it was making him. 

His lips were millimeters away, anticipation heavy in the air. He felt like he should say something, words on the tip of his tongue, but his ability to speak them was lost. It didn’t matter; he was never good with his words anyway. His actions were what talked. 

So he closed the distance, the press of your lips sending electricity coursing through his body. His imagination didn’t even begin to it justice; he’d failed to capture the warmth. You were soft and warm and alive. A pleased hum left him, passing through his body into yours, making you shiver in his hold.

He kept the kiss short, wanting nothing more than to devour you, but he was going to take this slow, do it right. You deserved that, and so much more. Your eyes were hooded when he looked, a new hunger in them that he’d never seen before. Or maybe it had always existed, and he just refused to believe it was real. That you were real. That this was real. If he woke up from a dream right now, his disappointment would be immeasurable, but he wouldn’t be surprised.

He still held you, thumb rubbing your cheek affectionately, and you practically melted into the touch. “Logan.” your voice was hushed, already sounding wrecked, and the pure want he felt radiate from it was enough to make him stifle a groan.

“You want more, sweetheart?” 

He could feel the grip on his control falter when you nodded, a desperation in your actions that made him think you’d wanted him just as long as he had you. A question for later, then. “Only if you’re up for it.”

So much for keeping it slow.

He’d nearly forgotten the reason why the two of you were standing in your kitchen. Your words had done much to comfort him, your actions even more so, and even though there were still inklings of doubt and fear still lingering in his mind, they were easy to ignore right now. You were safe. You were alive. And for some fucking reason, you trusted him wholly. 

“I’ve been up for it since I saw ya, pretty thing struggling to get their door open.”

“You think I’m pretty?” He hated how disbelieving you sounded. 

Titling your head back gently, he let his nose bump against yours, his lips just ghosting over yours. You watched with hitched breath, eyes struggling to stay open. There were so many things he could say, should say. Words like gorgeous and stunning bounced around his head, but he was so close to kissing you again that all verbal functions in his brain ceased to exist again. “Very, very pretty,” was all he could say, before he once again descended on your lips.

The first kiss had been nearly chaste, gentle. A testing of the waters. 

This kiss was anything but that, an overwhelming neediness from both sides. He kissed you like it was the last thing he’d ever do, lips eagerly moving against yours, fingers tightening where he held you like he was afraid you’d slip away. 

He could feel you hesitate, right at the start, but it didn’t take long until you were reciprocating, hands now resting on his chest. Your movements were uncertain, yet your eagerness more than made up for your lack of finesse. It made him feel desired, wanted, a heady sensation. 

But it made him realize just how much more experience he had compared to you. Reservations once again flashed in his mind: you were young, this was wrong, you deserved someone your own age. But with how sweetly you were kissing him, he found himself losing grip on those thoughts, until they fell to the wayside, completely forgotten.

The hands on his chest tightened into fists when he let his tongue drag against your bottom lip, a light tease. The hand on your back moved forward, over your ribs, to where it began to toy beneath the hem of your shirt, caressing the velvety skin of your stomach. With every graze of his nails, every brush of his fingers, you shivered, tensed, and hitched your breathing. He felt like he was playing an instrument, pulling those sounds and reactions from you like he’d just strummed his fingers over the string of a guitar.

“You’re so fuckin’ responsive,” he muttered to himself between kisses. “It’s been a bit since you’ve been touched like this, hasn’t it?” Just like it has been for him. He doesn’t remember the last time he’d been touched with a kind hand, at least before he met you.

You froze, pulling away slightly, looking like a deer in the headlights. He called out your name, a question, wracking his memory as to what put you off. Of course, I fucked it up. 

“I…” you trailed off, embarrassment flickering across your face. “No one’s ever…” you trailed off again, but he didn’t need you to complete your sentence.

He’d be a liar if he said the green monster inside of him wasn’t absolutely thrilled at the fact that no one had ever had you like this. Wanting. Needing. Lips swollen and parted for him. Your hesitancy over the past weeks made sense now; it wasn’t a lack of wanting, not like he feared. He couldn’t help the grin that fell across his face, a carnal need to show you all that you’ve been missing, all that you deserved, taking over his mind. 

Another realization made itself known in his heart; he was sure if it ached anymore, it would never work properly again. You weren’t lying when you said you trusted him.

“That was your first kiss?” Well, kisses, but he wasn’t focused on logistics right now. 

He could feel your cheek warming beneath his palm. “Logan…” you whined, shy. 

It made him chuckle, a low, gravelly sound. “No one’s ever touched you?” His fingers once again brushed beneath your shirt, your muscles instinctually jumping. 

Your silence was the only response he needed. 

He let himself lean in, past your lips, letting them graze across your cheek. They rested outside the shell of your ear, the temptation to pull at with his teeth a near insurmountable one. “No one’s ever fucked you?”

That made you gasp. Whether it was his crude words or how he spoke lowly into your ear, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that you now had a death grip on his shirt, shaking your head in response to his question. 

He tsked, pulling back, a teasing look on his face. “And I thought we were bein’ honest with each other, sweetheart. How long were ya gonna wait to tell me?”

The look you shot him made him laugh, incredulous through the haze of lust. “You know that’s not what I meant. It’s… it’s not the same as-”

“Oh, but it is. Closely guarded secret, weren’t gonna say nothin’ until I asked. Exactly the same.” The hand holding your face finally shifted down, down your neck, your shoulders, ghosting over your ribs until it settled on your hip. “Want me to change that?” He intended for the words to sound cocky, assured, yet they came out sounding desperate. Craving. 

Your chuckle died in your throat, turning it into a softer, needier noise. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure who closed the distance this time, both of you surging forward, a messy collision of lips. He felt you make a surprised noise when his hands trailed down your thighs, and in one easy motion lifted you into his arms, your legs instantly locking around his waist. Not once did his lips escape yours, not even as he set you on the kitchen table, the wood groaning in warning. If he wasn’t so fucking eager for you, he would’ve taken you to the bed. He’d get there tonight. Eventually. 

Fingers once again found the side of your face, this time tilting your head back to expose the tantalizing expanse of your neck. He abandoned your lips in favor of it, immediately kissing and sucking at the delicate skin there, slowly moving down. He even let his teeth graze against the column of your throat, but never hard enough to leave a mark. Never to mark. 

Leaving your mouth free meant that he got to hear each delicious pant and noise that escaped you, echoing and engraving themselves in his mind. They drove him wild, even more so when he remembered that he was the cause of them. And no one else had ever had the pleasure of hearing them. The fact made his smile against your skin, how having reached the base of your throat, nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

You leaned back, your arms braced behind you, and the sound of wood creaking once again filled the room. “If the table breaks…” you warned, no real threat in your words.

“You know I’ll fix it for ya,” he chuckled, lifting his face to press his lips against the hollow of your throat, before letting his tongue drag a stripe back up your neck, tasting the salt on your skin. “And then we’ll just have to break it again. And again.”

A whispered, “Oh, God,” fell from your lips. Only me, he would’ve said if talking wasn’t the last thing on his mind. He captured your lips again, tongue pressing into your mouth with zero hesitations, needing to taste you. He could feel your responding groan, one hand abandoning its hold on the table to once again rest against his chest. He expected to feel your hand wander, but it held still, though he could feel the twitch in your fingers as you craved to feel him.

“Touch me,” he broke away momentarily to speak, and he felt your fingers twitch again. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me feel those hands.”

He nearly shuddered when you finally moved, running your hand up his chest, up to his neck. Just like always, your touch was gentle, reserved, which was lovely, but he wanted to feel the evidence of his effects on you. He wanted to feel your nails digging into his arms, scratch down his back, tangle your fingers in his hair, and pull. He wanted to feel your teeth sink into his flesh; the mark wouldn’t last long, this he knew, but it would be enough. Just maybe he’d be able to dissolve those hesitancies. 

So he hummed under your delicate exploration with your fingers, letting you get used to him, the way he felt. He felt as your fingers cradled his jaw, scratching at the facial hair there, but not as hard as he would’ve liked. It was certainly a pleasant sensation, though, his eyes threatening to fall close with every scratch of your nails. And when your fingers traveled to his hair, nails running along his scalp, he couldn’t help the small sigh that left him.

He loved the way your eyes lit up at his audible reaction, and he could see you storing that away for later. God, how he hoped there would be a later. You had no idea just how tightly you had him wrapped around your finger. If you told him to leave and never come back, he would, but he would live the rest of his life in misery, waiting to hear from you one last time. 

It was you who pulled him into a kiss, one that quickly turned heated. Hands were moving freely now, one of your hands still in his hair, your other wandering across the expanse of his chest and abdomen. His own were toying with the waistband of your pants, pausing to look at you. “May I?”

There were no doubts in your eyes when you nodded, Logan thanking you with another kiss. The first part was the easiest, getting the button undone, as well as the zipper. The second part, which was still easy, just required a bit more maneuvering. He felt as you prepared to lift your hips to assist, but he was already ahead of you, one hand wrapping under your arm, the other gripping the waistband of your jeans. It was no effort at all, to lift you with one arm, and to pull your pants down over your hips. And if your undergarments also came off in that tug, who was he to complain?

You were staring at him with wide eyes, a look he momentarily mistook for distaste. But the darkening of your eyes quickly corrected that statement. You didn’t say anything, just looking at him in amazement, fingers wandering down his muscled arm. But he could feel the way your legs tensed from where he stood between them, an even more ravenous hunger in your eyes. You enjoyed being lifted like you weighed nothing. Just like you had, he stored that info for later. Something to explore later, maybe even later tonight. 

The surprised noise you made when he dropped to his knees nearly made him chuckle if he wasn’t so entranced by the sight in front of him. Your mouth, glistening in the low light, parted as you stared down at him. The heavy rise and fall of your chest beneath your shirt, yet waiting for his next move with bated breath. Your exposed pussy, evidence of your arousal visible, and all for him. 

“Fuckin’ beautiful.”

The grin he had on his face, he knew, was nothing more than arrogant, but he couldn’t help himself. Hooking one of your legs over his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh, never once breaking eye contact.

He pressed another one, this one a little closer to your center. He was practically fucking salivating, the urge to just start devouring you like a starved man would a full-course dinner. But the desire to make this enjoyable for you helped him curb his hunger. 

The third and final kiss was pressed right at the junction of your hip and thigh, millimeters away from where he ached to be. Where you ached for him to be if the hand that carded into his hair told him anything. Who was he to deny such a simple request?

It only took one pass of his tongue through your folds for him to become addicted. 

The way you tasted, the way your thighs clenched around his head, the soft pant of his name. Fuck, he loved it all. He continued to lap at you, broad swipes that left you keening and wanting more. Your fingers, which had a hold on his hair, pulled tight, and he fucking moaned. 

He saw the alarm in your eyes before you tried to yank your hand away, afraid you’d done something he didn’t like. He caught your wrist before you could, forcing your hand back to where it’d been. You complied, but only slightly, refusing to bend your fingers. “Logan… I-I’ll hurt you,” you whispered, your speech not yet impeded by his tongue. 

“I’m countin’ on it, sweetheart.” 

The only way he knew you heard him was the flash of realization in your eyes, then laughing in disbelief, which sounded more like a harsh exhale, yet still not complying. “C’mon, make it hurt,” his voice was a growl at this point, and he could feel the way your body reacted to his words. You weren’t lying; you did like his voice. “I’m a big boy, I can handle ya.”

Finally, fucking finally, you sunk your fingers into his hair, and you pulled hard, pulling him deeper into you. He could die happy now; at least until he made you come. He turned vicious, like a switch had been flipped, tongue now targeting your clit with precise circular motions, occasionally pressing into your entrance, which earned him a beautiful moan from you. 

He was hardly quiet, either, groaning with every pull and tug, and he knew you could feel it. The confines of his pants were becoming unbearable now, but he didn’t dare tear his hands away from your body to fix it. He doubted he’d have to wait long, anyway, with the way your thighs shook around his head, the way your walls fluttered around his tongue. The only thing you were crying was his name, a song that would be stuck in his head for the rest of time. 

“Logan… I’m-”

“You gonna come, sweetheart?”

You made some noise in agreement, and he felt you tug him close, impossibly close. Fuck, he’d be tasting you for days. And then he felt you begin to rock your hips, back and forth, and you were using his fucking face to get off. The noise he let out at that realization was animalistic, more growl than groan; he felt like he was about to combust. 

“Fuck, just like that… use my face, yeah…” He didn’t cease the movements of his tongue, but he began to help you rock your hips. “Come on my face, c’mon…”

It didn’t take long after that, a loud cry of Logan’s name cut in the air, and he was grateful that he’d kept his eyes trained on you, the sight of your head falling back in pleasure a sight he wouldn’t forget. The muscles in your thighs tensed and quivered, a gush of arousal escaping you, coating his lower face. 

It was when your legs fell boneless beside him that he finally let up, kissing the insides of your thighs one last time before standing back to full height. Your eyes widened when you saw the absolute disarray he knew he was in, hair tufted up more than normal, face slick with your release. But the grin he had on his face made you relax, with a weary smile of your own. But there was still a deep hunger in your eyes; you wanted more, and he’d gladly give it to you. 

He surged in to kiss you, but you stopped him with a hand against his chest, a playful yet semi-serious look in your eye. You didn’t respond verbally, instead gesturing to the towel that had been discarded earlier. 

He raised a brow. Really?

You laughed. “I’m not kissing you until you wipe your face,” you finally spoke, voice wreaked. “Your choice, darling.”

“As long as you call me that again,” he muttered, quickly grabbing the towel and wiping his lower face, a small price to pay, “Then I’ll do whatever the fuck you want me to do.”

He stood in front of you, you still smiling from his words, hands resting on the side of your neck. He could feel your pulse, still thumping like a fast drum. “Can I kiss you now, Your Highness?”

You paused like you were seriously considering saying anything other than “yes”, but the way you leaned into him said that you’d already made up your mind. Your eyes flicked down to his lips, and the small nod you gave him was all he needed before surging forward again, capturing your mouth in a hungry kiss. 

“Bedroom?” He knew it was a redundant question, but he needed to be certain. 

“You know the way.” Your arms wrapped around his body, legs following suit, you needing him as close as physically possible. It made it simple for him to lift you, only having to slide his hands under your thighs once again. 

The journey to your bedroom, however, was anything but easy. You were constantly distracting him with your lips, having grown more confident in your movements. You strayed past his mouth now, dotting his cheeks with kisses, an innocent way of showing affection made lewd by the rocking of your hips. And when your lips finally landed on his neck, kissing and biting, he swore his arms were about to give out. 

Eventually, after many stops pressing you against the wall and kissing the breath from your lungs, he made it to the bedroom, depositing you gently on the bed. You didn’t stay on your back for even a second, sitting upright as Logan began to tug off his shirt. 

His ego has never been so filled, the way you stared at him when his shirt was finally off. He knew he was a decent-looking guy, having garnered the attention of many people throughout his lifetime. But there was something about the way you regarded him, like he was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen, that made him want to puff out his chest. 

You only hesitated for a second before letting your hands drift across his chest; it pleased him to see you grow so confident around him in such a short amount of time. He heard you mutter something, too caught up in the sensation of the drag of your fingers to make it out. “What was that?”

“You’re beautiful.” 

Not hot. Not sexy. Not something he’d heard a thousand times. No, you said beautiful. He… he couldn’t think of a time when someone’s called him that and meant it. It made him falter for a second, suddenly feeling vulnerable. But he forced himself to relax; he could be vulnerable with you, at least for a little bit. 

So instead of deflecting your compliment with one of his own, at least not yet, he let the words wash over him, leaning down to brush his lips against yours. It was the gentlest kiss that night, yet so far, it had been his favorite. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

And just as quickly as it came, his vulnerable demeanor vanished, replaced by the confident aura he’d had all night. Tugging at the hem of your shirt, he murmured against your lips, “Lift your arms.”

When you did, he pulled your shirt from your body, tossing it somewhere on the floor, before letting out a noise that sounded wounded at the sight of you finally bare before him. He saw the instinctual twitch of your muscles as you almost covered yourself, but you kept your hands at your side.

“I think we both know who’s the beautiful one here,” he muttered, watching as you turned your head away, bashful. He would have none of that, now. Tugging your chin, he redirected your gaze to be on him again. “I should’ve said it earlier. Should’ve said it the moment I met ya. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous. Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Logan…”

“Do you know how fuckin’ hard it's been, trying to think about anything but you? Fuck, I can’t get you out of my mind. Every. Fuckin’. Minute.” He hadn’t meant for that much to spill out, but he certainly wasn’t complaining when your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a bruising kiss. The feel of your chest against his made him groan, lips opening against yours, and you used that opportunity to sneak your tongue in. You were getting so bold; it was driving him crazy. 

Pretending like your sudden small display of dominance didn’t make his cock twitch, he eased you back down on the bed, your legs wrapped around his waist. The only barrier between you two was his jeans, and he could feel you began to rock your hips, grinding directly against his covered cock. But when you pulled your lips away to utter a surprised oh, your confidence faltering as you felt him. 

“I’ll get ya nice and ready for me, gorgeous,” he couldn’t help the slight prideful tone; he was still a man, after all. He let his hands wander down your body, feeling and caressing as he went, making you arch your back in his hands, making a noise that nearly sounded like a laugh. When he reached your hips, you let your legs drop, and although he missed the sensation, what he was about to do would more than make up for it. 

Sneaking a hand between your thighs, he collected your arousal on the tips of his fingers, his middle and ring, to be exact. He felt your hips jump, a bit sensitive still, but the look on your face told him that the last thing you wanted him to do was stop. He debated toying with you for a moment, to see you beg and plead with him to give you the pleasure he was withholding. But when your hips bucked again, he realized you were both equally as impatient.

He kept his eyes locked on your face as he eased his middle finger into you, no matter how badly he wanted to watch it disappear. A range of emotions flashed across your face: shock from the intrusion, to a mild discomfort as he stretched you, then to pleasure. Whenever he saw a flicker of any semblance of pain flash across your beautiful face, he slowed. 

He knew he didn’t have to move as slowly as he did, but something twisted in his stomach at the mere idea of hurting you, even if it was in the name of pleasure. Those images were still too fresh, too raw in his mind. No, he was taking this slow. 

When the palm of his hand ground against your clit, making you gasp. He could feel the way your walls clenched around him; knowing his cock would soon be in place of his fingers made him exhale shakily. “You take my fingers so fuckin’ well,” he praised, beginning to work his fingers in and out of you slowly, with short, shallow thrusts. “Bet you’ll take my cock even better.”

“Please.”

As much as he loved hearing you beg, it was for naught; he’d made up his mind the moment you had asked for more. “In a second,” he reassured, pressing his lips against yours in what was meant to be a short kiss, but then you grabbed the back of his head, keeping him close. He was far from caring, especially when he could feel your moans with every curl of his finger.

Adding a second finger, he pulled away once again to watch your face, looking for any flashes of pain. It was hard to stay focused, especially when your fingers latched around his bicep, nails digging in hard. It took every fiber of control in his body not to just sink his fingers all the way back in, groaning your name, nothing short of pure desire in his tone. 

“Logan, darling-”

He had to muffle you with a kiss, stopping you from doing anything else that would make him do something reckless. His palm once again ground against your clit, giving you a moment to adjust before he was easing them in and out of you. And when he began to pick up the pace, moving his face down to lavish your chest with some much-needed attention, he could feel you slowly begin to fall apart.

“Just like that, yeah, you’re doin’ so well,” he crooned, the grip on his bicep turning deadly. “Fuck, you gonna come again, sweetheart?”

He felt you nod. As if he needed that confirmation. Pulling his head away from your chest, he saw your eyes, completely blacked out, then a flash of white as you bit your lip to stifle your noises. 

If he currently wasn’t using his other arm to keep himself propped up, he would’ve tugged your lip free, to let your noises tumble free. “C’mon, lemme hear ya. Let everyone know who’s making you feel this fuckin’ good.”

Like your body was no longer under your control, you complied, your moans and whines once again filling the air. He heard his name a few times, making him grin; who knew his name could sound so lovely?

It only took a few more curling motions of his fingers before your body seized, your voice dying, the only thing audible was a whine of air. He didn’t cease his movements, riding you through the high of your orgasm. When the pleasure-filled look on your face began to morph, that’s when he eased his fingers out, glistening in the dim light. Your eyes had just landed on his face when he stuck them in his mouth, the corners of his lips pulled into a smirk. 

He heard you mutter something about him trying to kill you, making him laugh as he released his fingers with a pop, the taste of you still lingering. “Gonna make me wipe my mouth again?” He teased, earning him a half-hearted eye-roll from you.

You finally seemed to realize the grip you had on his arm, your apology trailing off when you watched the injury immediately heal, no sign of you lingering. “Like I said, I can handle ya.” Fascination still lingered in your eyes, but not in the exploitative way he’d seen throughout his life, or the fear. When you pulled him into a kiss, he felt like he was something to be treasured, to be loved. He didn’t realize how desperately he craved to feel that way.

But he didn’t let himself linger on that thought long, especially when he felt you once again lock your legs around his waist, rocking your hips. “You are insatiable,” he grumbled, loving just how desperately you wanted him. 

“I need you, Logan,” he felt you whisper in the kiss, your hands reaching for his belt buckle. Feeling your fingers brush over his cock, intentional or not, made him bite back a groan. 

“Need you to let go of me first,” he chuckled, watching you frown momentarily before loosening your legs. 

Not wanting to be apart from you long, he was quick to undo his belt, the zipping of his pants drowning out your hitched breathing. He couldn’t help the relieved noise he made when his cock was finally freed, the rest of his clothing now on the floor after working them down his legs. He could feel your eyes on him, all of him, staring at him like you had when he’d taken his shirt off. 

It was then he realized a small, yet quite crucial part of this whole endeavor that he’d forgotten, not wanting to be presumptuous when he left his apartment earlier. “Sweetheart, you don’t happen to have-”

Like you’d read his fucking mind, you reached over to your nightstand, reaching for a box of condoms. A new, unopened box, he noted to himself, yet a smile crept across his face when you handed him a condom between your trembling fingers. “What?” You laughed.

“Just wonderin’ how long you’ve had that box for. Have you had it for a few months… or did you just buy it?” 

It was becoming clear to him that his second favorite thing to do to you was tease you. The way your eyes widened, then looked away; he was certain if he pressed his hand to your cheeks, they would be burning. “Oh, go away,” you groaned, moving to shove him with your foot, but he caught it, pressing a kiss to your calf before dropping it. 

“‘Fraid it’s a bit too late for that, now,” he muttered as he rolled on the condom. It would be impossible for him to unlearn the touch of your hand, the warmth of your body, your voice, and it would be impossible for him to unlearn the deep-rooted affections that ran so deeply for you. 

“Thankfully.”

He tried not to dwell on the fact that he could hear that same affection in your voice; he would need at least a good day to fully process it, unable to believe it right now. Instead, he let hands trail up your legs, grabbing your thighs and squeezing lightly, considering his option of what to do next. He could have you on your back, legs wrapped around his body like you’d done earlier. Or he could have you on your hands and knees, or on top of him, or-

“How do you want this, sweetheart?”

“I…” you swallowed, nervous. “I wanna be able to see you.”

You were going to be the death of him, if you made his heart skip one more time. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, merely returning to the position he was in moments earlier, and your legs instinctually wrapped around his waist as if they belonged there. And maybe they did, with how right it felt. 

Balancing his weight on one head, he used his free one to run his fingers along your cheek, then leaned in to kiss you. Your hands couldn’t decide where they wanted to rest, until finally tangling one in his hair, and the other holding his shoulder. He could feel your fingers curl when his tip nudged against your entrance, not pressing in yet. 

“Ready?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound as strained as he felt, holding himself back. 

“Yes,” you responded almost immediately, sounding just as desperate as him. Thank God. 

Even though he’d done well to get you ready for him, there was still a flicker or discomfort across your face when he began to ease himself into you. But it quickly faded, your jaw going slack, and Logan was finally able to focus on just how good you felt. Warm and tight, he let out a choked noise as he continued to press himself into you, inch by inch, until finally, his hips were flush with yours. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple and down his next at the exertion that came from holding himself back, but all of that nearly went out the window when he felt your tongue lap at his neck before you sank your teeth into the tendon there. 

It was reflexive, the way his hips bucked; he was the one being played like an instrument, now. “Fuck… you’re a lil’ tease now, ain’t you?” He tried to sound stern but found it hard to do so, coming out as more of a chuckle than anything. 

Your responding smile was anything but innocent, your hips moving in a wordless command. Start moving.

He was more than eager to comply, smashing his lips against yours as he set a moderate pace, prioritizing powerful thrusts over the rapid snapping of his hips. If things worked out the way he liked, he could experiment with that set your body ablaze, to find the perfect way to make your eyes roll back, make you scream his name, make you come undone. 

He felt you tear away from the kiss, head rolling back against the pillows as he thrusted into you, exposing your neck, which was just begging to be kissed. He could feel you squirm as his facial hair tickled the sensitive skin, lips and tongue lavishing your neck with attention. “You feel so fuckin’ good,” he groaned. “I knew you’d take me so well.”

His name hit his ears, but nothing more, as if it was the only thing you could think to say. Smiling into your skin, he pressed one last kiss to the column of your throat before he lifted his head, wanting to watch you. And what a sight that was, your face twisted in pleasure, something twinkling in your eye before he felt your nails tear down his back.

His hips stuttered, and if he wasn’t partially expecting to feel you dig into his skin, he would’ve finished right then and there, his lips pulling into a semi-snarl. You held too much power over him, but he was far from complaining. “Sweetheart,” he panted, a warning, “this’ll be over far too soon if you keep pulling shit like that.”

“I… I wanna feel you…” 

The pure need in your voice made him groan; he could feel the grip he had on his release faltering. But he needed you to fall apart first, to feel you come apart on his cock. Sneaking a hand between your bodies, he felt your legs begin to shake with the added pleasure on your clit, his fingers quick and incessant. 

“C’mon, you can give me one more, can’t ya?”

He felt you nod without question, before yanking his lips against yours. He was done talking, anyway, too focused on making you come. With every thrust of his hips, every drag of his cock, every twist of his fingers, he could feel the way you tightened your grip on him, voice rising in octave, until he once again felt your body stiffen, a mix of his name and a whine tearing from you.

It only took a few more moments before he was tumbling over that edge as well, his hips stilling as he came, muffling his noises in the crook of your neck; they were just for you to hear. After being pent up for so fucking long, the relief was indescribable, white-hot pleasure momentarily stunning him. 

He was quick to recover, easing from you slowly, apologizing when you winced slightly, trying his damnest to ignore the guilt that he felt at you being in pain. He apparently wasn’t good at covering his worry, because you shot him a look, your eyes hooded with exhaustion, yet your lips still held a smile. “It’s a good pain,” you whispered, physically unable to speak any louder. Logan, once again, was partially convinced you could read his mind.

If you read his mind now, though, it would only be thoughts of you, so he didn’t care that much. 

When he began to stand, you furrowed your brow in confusion, a small flicker of worry flashing in your eye. “I’ll be right back,” he reassured, and you visibly relaxed. He shot you a smile before heading into the bathroom. 

After discarding the condom and cleaning himself up, he glanced at himself in the mirror. As expected, there wasn’t a single mark on his body, but he was amused to find that his hair was stuck up in various spots, not just the two tufts in the back. 

He didn’t bother to get dressed before heading to the kitchen, grabbing you a glass of water before heading back. He saw the light was on in the bathroom, and so he let himself get comfortable on the bed, at least putting on his boxers now, your water now on the nightstand.

He didn’t have to wait long, glancing over and watching a very dishevled looking you sit back down on the bed, flashing his a grateful glance before downing half the water.

“How pissed do you think the neighbors are gonna be?” He heard you ask, making him snort. 

“If they’re smart, they’ll mind their own damn business.”

That made you chuckle, taking one last sip before scooting back into the bed, beneath the covers, and into Logan’s open arms. God, he was so fucking happy, so content, everything that just happened finally sinking in. And maybe he was a little terrified, but if this wasn’t worth it, he didn’t know what was. 

You pulled him from his thoughts when you began to examine his hands, running your fingers across the digits, just like you’d done in the kitchen. You spoke before he could inquire, your voice teasing. “So you are good with your hands.”

He was laughing when he pulled you into a kiss, and he could feel you smiling in turn. That warm feeling still lingered throughout his body, something he had been so convinced was just lust, just desire. But as you laid your head on his chest, he realized it was that, and so much more. 

He wouldn’t put a name on it. Not yet.

But it was no issue. 

He had all the time in the world now. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

On the other side of the wall, a very pissed-off Al was sliding Wade a twenty dollar bill, who sat with a shit-eating smirk on his face.

“I told you they’d break tonight!”

Author’s Note: does it surprise anyone that i got carried away with this lmao.

[zvouyage]

⋆˚ 𝜗 never panic when i’m right here 𝜚˚⋆

pairing.ᐟ ; idol!wonyoung x idol!gn!reader . . . fluff – established relationships && some angst ? . . . précis.ᐟ ; you’re a newly debuted idol and struggling with anxiety before your first important performance and wonyoung comes to the rescue.

w.c.ᐟ ; 1615 ( 𝒷ack 𝓉o 𝒷log ? )

warnings.ᐟ ; lowercase intended , not proofread , mentions of anxiety && overthinking , kissing . . . 🪽

the buzz of excitement filled the air as you and your group arrived at the venue for your first major award show. the flashing cameras, the excited fans, the anticipation—all of it was overwhelming. as a newly debuted K-pop idol, you had dreamed of this moment, but now that it was here, it felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders.

you glanced around, trying to steady your breathing, but the anxiety was hard to shake. your group members were excitedly chatting, taking selfies, and adjusting their outfits, but you couldn’t seem to get out of your own head. your thoughts were racing—what if you messed up? what if you tripped on stage? what if you forgot the choreography during your performance? “hey, are you okay?” one of your members asked, noticing the tension in your expression. you forced a smile and nodded, but the truth was, you were anything but okay. the pressure was getting to you, and it felt like the walls were closing in. “we’re going to be great,” another member reassured you, patting your back. “just remember, we’ve practised for this. we’ve got each other.” you nodded again, trying to take comfort in their words, but the anxiety was still gnawing at you. as much as you wanted to believe them, the fear of failure was too strong.

just as you were about to retreat into your thoughts again, your phone buzzed in your pocket. you pulled it out, your heart skipping a beat when you saw the name on the screen—wonyoung, with a little pink heart emoji beside her name. you quickly stepped away from your group and answered the call. “wonyoung?”

“hi..” her voice was soft, soothing. “i heard you were feeling a bit stressed about the show.” you sighed, leaning against the wall for support. “yeah..i guess you could say that. it’s just…there’s so much pressure, you know?”

“i know, sweetheart” wonyoung said, her tone understanding. “but you’re going to be amazing. you’ve worked so hard for this, and i know you’re going to shine!” you closed your eyes, letting her words wash over you. wonyoung had always been your rock, the one who could calm you down when everything felt like it was falling apart. “where are you right now?” she asked, her voice laced with concern. “i’m backstage with the group.” you replied. “just trying to get a grip on things.” there was a pause on the other end of the line, and you could almost picture wonyoung’s thoughtful expression. “stay where you are,” she said finally. “I’ll be right there!” before you could protest, the call ended, and you were left staring at your phone in disbelief. wonyoung was supposed to be getting ready to host the show as one of the MCs—how was she going to find time to come to you?

but true to her word, within minutes, you spotted her making her way through the crowded backstage area. she was dressed in a stunning gown, her hair and makeup flawless, yet her eyes were focused solely on you. “wonyoung..what are you doing here?” you asked, your voice tinged with surprise and relief. she smiled, taking your hand in hers and leading you to a quieter corner. “i couldn’t let you stress out like this without doing something about it,” she said simply. “you’re my partner, and i’m here for you.” the warmth of her hand in yours, the sincerity in her eyes—it was all so comforting, so reassuring. you felt a lump form in your throat as the weight of your anxiety began to lift. “talk to me.” wonyoung said gently. “what’s going on in that head of yours?” you took a deep breath, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. “i’m just so scared, wonnie…what if i mess up? what if i let everyone down? this is our first big show, and i don’t want to ruin it.” wonyoung listened patiently, nodding as you poured out your fears. when you were done, she squeezed your hand and looked you in the eyes. “you’re not going to mess up.” she said firmly. “and even if something doesn’t go exactly as planned, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed, you’re human and you’re allowed to make mistakes. what matters is that you’ve worked hard, and you’re giving it your all. that’s what everyone will see.” her words were like a balm to your anxious mind, soothing the fears that had been swirling around for hours. wonyoung had a way of making everything seem less daunting, less terrifying. “you really think i’ll be okay?” you asked, your voice small but hopeful. “i know you will.” wonyoung said with a smile. “and i’ll be out there, cheering you on, just like i always do.” you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away, not wanting to ruin the moment. “i don’t know what i’d do without you..” you whispered. wonyoung leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “you’ll never have to find out..” she murmured against your skin.

for a moment, the two of you just stood there, the noise of the backstage chaos fading into the background. all that mattered was the connection between you, the unspoken understanding that you were never alone as long as you had each other. finally, wonyoung pulled back, a determined look in her eyes. “now, let’s get you ready!” she said with a smile. “we can’t have you going out there looking anything less than perfect.” she helped you fix your hair, straightened out your outfit, and even gave you a quick pep talk on how to handle the cameras and the crowds. it was exactly what you needed, a reminder that you weren’t just a bundle of nerves—you were a performer, and you were ready for this. as you prepared to head back to your group, wonyoung pulled you into one last hug. “remember,” she whispered in your ear, “i’m right here with you, every step of the way.” you nodded, feeling a surge of confidence wash over you. With wonyoung by your side, you knew you could face anything. “good luck out there!” she said with a wink, her smile as bright as the stage lights you were about to face. “i’ll see you after the show.” you watched as she walked away, her poise and grace captivating everyone she passed. and as she disappeared into the crowd, you couldn’t help but smile. you had the best girlfriend in the world, and with her support, you knew you could conquer anything.

the time for your group’s performance came faster than you expected. standing behind the curtains, you could hear the roar of the audience, feel the vibrations of the music through the floor. but instead of feeling overwhelmed, you felt ready. you remembered wonyoung’s words, her faith in you, and it gave you the strength to step out onto that stage with confidence. the performance went by in a blur of lights, music, and adrenaline. you moved through the choreography with ease, your voice strong and steady as you sang your parts. the crowd’s energy was electrifying, and for the first time that day, you felt like you truly belonged there, on that stage, doing what you loved.

when it was all over, the applause was deafening. You stood with your group, catching your breath as you took in the sight of thousands of fans cheering for you. It was surreal, like something out of a dream, but it was real—and you had done it. backstage, your group members were buzzing with excitement, congratulating each other on a job well done. you joined in, laughing and celebrating with them, the earlier anxiety completely forgotten. and then you saw her—wonyoung, standing off to the side, her face beaming with pride. she had watched the whole performance, and the look in her eyes told you everything you needed to know. you excused yourself from the group and made your way over to her. without a word, you pulled her into a tight hug, burying your face in her shoulder as you tried to put your emotions into words. “you were amazing.” she whispered, her voice filled with admiration. “thank you..” you murmured back, holding her close. “i couldn’t have done it without you.” wonyoung pulled back slightly, just enough to look into your eyes. “yes, you could have,” she said softly. “but i’m glad i could be here for you.” you smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. “i love you.” you said, the words coming out naturally, as if they had been waiting to be spoken all along. wonyoung’s eyes sparkled, and she leaned in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “i love you too.” she whispered against your mouth. for a moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in your own little bubble of happiness. it didn’t matter that you were surrounded by chaos, by cameras and crowds—it was just you and wonyoung, and that was all you needed.

as the night continued, you and your group celebrated your success, and wonyoung went on to host the award show with the same grace and charm that had captivated you from the start. but even as she stood on that stage, commanding the attention of everyone in the room, she made sure to send you a small smile, a silent reminder that she was always thinking of you. and in that moment, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, no matter how tough things got, you would always have wonyoung by your side.

@zvouyage. 24/plagiarism won't be tolerated on my page.

[wosoragebaiter69]

they’re idiots

patri guijarro x fem!reader

request: here

A/N: i love patri sm, and again naturally if my writing needs to improve just gimme a shout

TW: mentions of panic attack

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The game was won, it was a very nice win. A comfortable 9-1, and that was fine. What wasn’t fine however were the fans after the game. In one area in particular they just kept throwing shirt and anything for us players to sign. I see Patri, my girlfriend getting frustrated at everything that’s happening and it doesn’t take a genius to see how overwhelmed she is.

Over the past few weeks it seems that the hate towards her has become obscurely large. How could anyone hate her? Especially now that she’s just gone and scored two. As much as she likes to say it doesn’t bother her I know it does and I hate to see the way she loses confidence over meaningless peoples opinions.

I walk over to the section in which fans are screaming, at this point i’m not sure how we can call them fans if they act like this. Alexia and some of the others are kicking game balls into the crowd. I stand right next to Patri, placing my hand on her lower back. She looks surprised, but continues with the overwhelming amount of fans who came to watch.

Around 5 minutes later, I can’t stand to watch her practically near a panic attack. So I say goodbye to the fans and drag her into the tunnel with me, leading her toward an area where no one would be for the time being.

“Patri? Amor, can you look at me?” I whisper, touching her forearm softly. She hesitates and looks up.

It’s then that I can see how conflicted her eyes look, how they’re slightly covered in a layer of tears, how it looks like she’s struggling to breathe. I immediately know what’s wrong.

“Hey, hey. Sit down on the floor with me. Come on.” I guide her making sure her back is rested against the wall. She looks straight up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears at bay. My heart breaks a little.

“Amorcita, breathe with me. Feel my heartbeat got it?” I take her hand and place it on my heart as I start making exaggerated breathing patterns to help get her back to reality.

“There you go, just like that. You’re ok, they can’t see you. They can’t harm you. It’s just me.” I notice by her movements that she’s coming back. Something which I smile lightly at.

“Gracias” She says so lightly that I can barely hear her. All I do is smile.

We sit against the wall, no words need to be said. Until Alexia in all her glory strides down the hallway in her white fit.

“Hola.” She greets with a smile coming to stand in front of us.

“I suggest you two get back to the changing rooms. Nearly everyone is there, they sent me looking.” She then shifts her focus to my girlfriend.

“Patri, I’m sorry you have to be dealing with all of this stuff. It’s not easy. Just try not to get too worked up. Only makes it worse for yourself.”

“Thanks Ale.” She looks up at the captain who smiles before heading back to the change rooms.

“Well, we should probably go. After our showers, we’ll go back to the apartment and I’ll take your phone.” She looks at me questioningly. “So you don’t go into a spiral of bad thoughts. I know how you are. I won’t let that happen. Ok?” She nods and I pull her up heading back into the changing rooms. The girls all look happy but also worn down, I can empathise with that from all the trainings and games we’ve done.

Still there is a slight buzz in the air after the impressive win. Even if some exhaustion is the cost.

- - - - -

When Patri and I arrive back home, I stick to my word and she hands me her phone reluctantly. I put both of our phones in my bedside drawer and arrive in the living room to be greeted with Patri on the couch, two glasses of water on the coffee table and one of the Hunger Games movies starting to play on the tv.

I walk over smiling and sit down on the couch cuddling into Patri who only smiles. This is a good way to end the day all things considered.

“Te amo, Patri.”

“Yo también te amo, cariño.” She kisses the top of my head, turning her focus back to the screen.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #15] Paper Planes

warnings: byeol letting us know exactly what annoys her!! lil fight :( but jaykay is teeew cahyute :( we learn the red witch's name!!! cw: hayun!!!!! paper planes! jaykay is a little nervous, handjob, fingering, cockwarming, protected sex, oc on top, (f)solo masturbation...during cockwarming (??), mirror mentions, jaykay is just the loveliest

a/n: the comment section on this one always made me die lol

soundtrack: wrong - zayn ft. kehlani

wc: 11.1k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

When Jeongguk's phone vibrates on his nightstand, he pretends he can't hear it. It's the second time it's gone off in the last ten minutes, and even though he knows it's just you, there's something stopping him.

Okay, so that 'something' might be the little white lie he's told you about inviting a girl over - but he thinks if he replies to you, it will be obvious that he's alone.

It's been three days since you watched him type out a message to a girl, press send, and lock his phone almost immediately. He had thrown it down on his bed, groaned, and held his hand over his face as if it was some great strenuous task. 

It was only made worse by the sweet, musky scent still on his hands. You . 

And you seriously expected him to be able to invite another girl round? How the hell would he explain all the birds on his ceiling? Would he tell them the truth? Explain that they shouldn't get too comfortable with him, because his bed is reserved for his friend who he can't seem to help but desperately want to fuck?

The thought process left him reeling. 

Was still thinking about it even after you'd left that evening, none the wiser of his inner turmoil.

You also weren't wise to the fact that he'd flicked his phone over to airplane mode before sending that message. The girl - the one from the club who had kissed him with little care for anything more than the fact she thought he was gorgeous - never received the message.

And so Jeongguk had done something he knows you'd be displeased with: he lied.

Told you that he had invited her over. That she had said yes.

So he hasn't replied to any of your messages all morning, to make it seem believable.

Jeongguk's not quite sure why you're calling, now. Interrupting a date is the last thing you'd want to do, so it worries him - concerns him that maybe something is wrong - but he also fears you thinking badly of him. Knows that if you find out he is a big fat liar, you will be mad.

He'll call back soon. He will . He'll ruffle his hair, rub at his cheeks to make them a little blushed, and then he'll facetime you, as if he's just said goodbye. He'll ask not to talk about it, and let you draw your own conclusions.

He's torn from his thoughts - and the flashing of your call on his phone screen - by a knock at his apartment door. Jimin is at work, which means he has to answer it.

Tossing his phone onto his bed, Jeongguk heads towards the front door. At least this gives him an excuse to stretch his legs. He's been staring at the ceiling for a while, now. Been hoping another bird would fall so he could use it as a distraction. 

His footsteps are slow. Lethargic. His bare feet pad along the floor like a little lost puppy, as his hand comes to cover the yawn escaping from his mouth. Doing nothing all morning always makes him feel even more tired than he actually is.

He's barely finished yawning by the time he reaches for the door handle, pulling it open and putting on a smile.

And then, he panics.

"Shit."

Jeongguk almost slams the door shut again as soon as he opens it. In fact, he tries to do exactly that - but you put your palm against it just in time.

"You are unbelievable , Jeon Jeongguk."

"Byeol-"

"No, no, no," you almost laugh, waltzing straight on into his apartment as if it's your own. The television is off, and Jeongguk hasn't cleaned up the kitchen since he made breakfast, so he quite clearly has had no company - but you know this already. "You don't get to 'Byeol' me. Not now." 

He follows you in, but stands by the kitchen counter as you take centre stage by the sofa. Your arms are folded over your chest, tightly, just to let him know how unimpressed you really are. 

Jeongguk can't help but smile. He thinks you sort of look like a pissed-off bunny rabbit. Half expects your foot to start thumping out of frustration. You're dressed down - a pair of tights and a shirt large enough to be a dress, with a flannel over the top of it. You've still got your black converse on, which is testament to how little you care about leaving a good impression. They really should be by the door. But you're pissed - and rightly so.

"C'mon, Byeol-"

"No!"

"But-"

"You promised me, Gguk," you eventually sigh, shaking your head, eyes all doe-like and pretty as they reflect the light of his floor lamp. The glitter on your lashline is ridiculous as ever, and he's glad for it. Has missed it. Missed you.

"I know," he concedes. "How did you-"

"I'm a girl," you interrupt. "We know everything ."

Or at least, you know the Instagram handle of the girl he was supposed to be seeing, and had also seen her post a story by the coast that morning - miles and miles from Jeongguk's apartment.

Jeongguk casts his eyes to the floor. You've a bag hooked over your shoulder, so he knows you're heading to work, but had called in by his place first. He knows you don't have much time to waste, and he feels horrible about it all.

"So?" You ask impatiently. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

When he glances back up towards you, nibbling down on his bottom lip, brows a little higher than usual, you know he must be squirming beneath his skin. Good , you think. It's the least he deserves.

"Y'know," you scoff when he can't bring himself to say anything that would justify lying to you. "Maybe I was just naive, but I thought you got it . Didn't think I'd ever have to worry about you lying to me-"

"Byeol."

"Turns out you're just like every other guy I know."

The charming curve of his placid smile drops. His lips rest ajar and his eyes are wide - but his brows are furrowed. You're not sure if it's confusion or hurt lacing his features, but you decide that both are desirable. 

It's unfair to compare Jeongguk to other men in your life. You both know this. Unfortunately, you also both know there's only one comparison that will really hurt him.

But you're pissed. 

And so you make the comparison. 

"After Jin, I always told myself I wouldn't let anyone lie to me - but apparently lying to me is easy."

Oh, the silence. It burns . Scalds you both. 

You readjust the bag on your shoulder and shrug. Shake your head. Purse your lips. Are already running late for work, so pick your heels up and storm past him with one final scoff to really wound him.

"I thought we trusted one another. I thought we were friends . More fool me."

You don't take the elevator, instead heading for the stairs. There's a fear that he'll chase after you, and you don't want to be caught out as you wait for the lift to reach his floor.

It's not until you're out of his apartment block that Jeongguk actually moves. Doesn't even really think, either. The minutes pass slowly. It's suffocating.

The impact of your words sizzle and settle into his skin like the mark of a brandishing iron. LIAR , the imprint would read.

He crouches. Takes a deep breath. Hadn't considered there being any impact to his white lie. Thought it would be something he'd admit in a few weeks time, and maybe you'd find it funny. 

You're still learning about one another, though. There are stones left to unturn - some that are too heavy for him to do by himself. He'll need your help. 

But right now? 

You need a drink. Vodka, preferably. 

Unfortunately, drinking on the job isn't an option, so Hoseok starts on an iced americano the second he sees you storm into the room. He says nothing. Has seen you with a face of thunder before. Doesn't wanna feel the wrath of your lightning. Is unaware of the fact Jeongguk's sitting in his apartment slightly frazzled already.

Instead, he just places the drink beside you as you check through the day's bookings. It's relatively quiet, thankfully. Will give you more time to focus on planning Taehyung's upcoming exhibition. You need to send feelers out, and drum up a little bit of hype, but feigning excitement at the moment is the last thing you want to do.

"Wanna talk about it?" Hoseok eventually asks after half an hour of silence from you.

Glancing over to him, you offer a soft smile. He's the one guy who's never let you down. "It's no biggie."

And that's thing - it really isn't. In the grand scheme of things, Jeongguk's little lie really doesn't mean all that much. 

The thing that bothers you is that he would have rather told a lie, than just be honest with you. 

It's a slippery slope, you think. If he sees he can get away with a small lie, what's to say the next time it won't be an even bigger one? And then an even greater one? And then he'll just be lying left right and centre and-

"Oh," Hoseok interrupts your thoughts. Nods towards the entryway, where a man you'd rather not shower in customer service smiles stands. "I'm gonna go count some stock."

Hoseok never counts stock. He's just getting out of your hair. Knows that you've been spending a lot of time with Jeongguk as of late, so presumes that maybe he's got something to do with your foul mood. 

"We're all booked up," you tell Jeongguk, not even looking in his direction. You busy yourself cleaning out some brushes, instead. 

Still in the clothes he was wearing in his apartment - a pair of grey sweats and a black t-shirt - he's annoyingly handsome. Is also wearing his black converse. Just like you. It pisses you off.

He looks into the room and hums. There's a single couple by the side wall. No one else.

"Thought you were annoyed at me for lying?" He tries not to smirk. He knows you're being ridiculous, now. "You can't be lying, too. Would make you a hypocrite." 

He's got you there.

"Fine," you snap back a little harsher than you intend. "This area is for paying customers only, I'm afraid, sir. Please buy a canvas, or fuck off."

"Is that how you usually speak to punters?" He grins, digging into his pocket to retrieve his wallet. This just annoys you even more. You wanted him to leave.  He tosses his card down on the counter. Doesn't care what he pays for. Will pay for anything just as long it gives him a chance to make things right.

"To the ones who deserve it," you smile, but he knows how you actually smile at him. Knows this one is entirely false. Reaching over for his card, you begin tapping through some options on the till system. "So that's a deluxe painting experience for two?"

"For two?" He questions.

"All of our solo slots are unavailable," you shrug. It's such a blatant lie that it makes Jeongguk laugh.

"All of your basic packages, too?"

"Mhmm."

"Fine," he just says. "May as well go all out. Charge me for a VIP package."

You pause. Glance up towards him, only to realise he's deadly serious. The VIP package rarely sells, because it's honestly not worth it. Customers just get fresh supplies that they're able to take home - and a personal buzzer that they can use to get the staff's attention.  

Turning your concentration back to the screen, you nod, and process his payment. "Very well. Please take a seat of your choice. My colleague will bring your supplies to you."

Jeongguk knows Hoseok. There's no need for you to be so fucking formal. He thinks you're being unreasonable. 

"Not you?"

"No. Not me."

You really mean it. Will avoid Jeongguk like the plague if you can help it.

Hoseok has other ideas. He refuses and practically pushes you out from behind the desk with Jeongguk's apron and paints in hand. You whisper curses in his direction, but straighten yourself up to approach Jeongguk with a demure demeanour. Cold as ice, he's not used to seeing you like this. Finds it kind of funny.

Sat by the window you adore so much, Jeongguk has his back to you, and is quiet as a mouse. He's decided that he's not going to engage in conversation with you, because he knows you. Knows that it will drive you mad. Knows that you'll start a conversation just to bicker with him.

But you're also silent as you approach; silent as you don't bother arranging his paints for him like you know you should, silent when you let the apron drop to the floor instead of handing it to him. 

You place the buzzer beside him, and walk away knowing that Hoseok will have to accept any of Jeongguk's calls, for you'll just refuse. 

Thing is, you didn't charge Jeongguk for a VIP package. 

You charged him for solo basic package. 

And so when the buzzer alert vibrates at the front desk, Hoseok refuses to get it. Says he's under no obligation to fulfil Jeongguk's requests. You gave him the buzzer. It's your job.

"You wouldn't have given him a buzzer if you didn't want an excuse to talk to him," Hoseok says, and regretfully, you know he's right. So you just give him a small glare, and head in Jeongguk's direction. 

It's barely been five minutes since he sat down. He can't need help already. 

You say nothing as you stand beside him. Wait for him to turn to you. Refuse to look at his canvas.

"Do you guys have wifi here?"

There's a poster on the wall quite literally beside him with the code on it. You nod in its direction, and catch glimpse of his canvas - and the pale blue letting in the middle of it: 

i'm sorry 

"That everything?" You ask a little impatiently. 

"Yeah," he smiles, and his lip ring flips ever so slightly. You hate how much you love it when that happens. Jeongguk thinks you want to smile back - but you storm off before he has a chance to confirm this.

And so five minutes later, the buzzer vibrates again. You groan, and Hoseok just smirks. Tells you that you reap what you sow. 

You tell him you'll sew his mouth shut if he's not careful.

When you reach Jeongguk again, he has another stupid question - "which way up should the canvas be?" - and you know it's just a ploy to have you looking at what he's written on there again. The entire background is baby blue now, but in peachy pale orange, it reads: 

forgive me :(

You simply reach over, and turn the canvas so that the painted side is facing the easel. "Much better." 

He knows he shouldn't push his luck, so he decides against calling you over again - but he does take his precious time painting, then starting over - again and again - just to buy more time in his little corner of the cafe. The sun sets. Hoseok heads home. So do the last customers- and yet Jeongguk remains. 

You had spent the rest of your shift trying (and failing) not to glance in his direction. With the amount of art that adorns his arm, you're not surprised to find he's the artistic type, but you hadn't expected him to be a pastels kinda guy.

"Pretty," you muse as you come to stand behind him. Your voice is soft now, in a way that it wasn't earlier. Calmer. More at ease. Not quite warm, but certainly not as frosty as it had been.

"You think?" he tilts his head, and ignores the way your hands rest upon the top of his shoulders. 

It's not that you aren't still annoyed with him - you most definitely are - it's just that you've spent the entire day in a horrible mood. It's so much nicer to pretend you're not. It actually makes you feel a lot better.

In front of Jeongguk is a pretty little sunset scene. Purples and oranges, like a meeting of clematis and clementines. It makes a change from the pink and blue gradients that people usually do, and you find yourself a little bit enamoured with the way he sees the world.

"Mhhm," you nod, and squeeze his shoulders gently. "Really pretty. I've only got a couple of jobs left to do. Got much to add?"

He shakes his head. Truthfully, could have been finished three hours ago. Thinks he's done - then says, "hold on."

Dipping his thinnest brush into the small reserve of white paint on his palette, he adds a dainty star in his sky. 

"There," he says triumphantly.

"Beautiful," you muse.

If you weren't too busy looking at his art, you'd catch his beaming face in the reflection of the window, and the way he bites down on his lip just before he agrees. There's something comforting about the way he paints; like a blanket over cold toes on a winter's night, the promise of everything being okay in the end. It's hopeful, you think. Calming. Promising.

And yet Jeongguk is still Jeongguk.

"I'll put it up in the living room next to your tits."

Rolling your eyes, you tap the back of his head and walk away. 

"At least you won't have to lie to Jimin about this one. He still think my tits are courtesy of Tae?"

"Courtesy of Tae," Jeongguk nods as he gets to his feet and begins to clear away his supplies. "He hasn't been round ours lately to say otherwise, and Jimin hasn't mentioned it to him, so we're all good."

You mumble a noise to affirm Jeongguk's assumptions. You know your tits are ticking time bomb - you just have no idea when it's set to blow. Hope that you'll be safe from the blast when it happens.

Jeongguk disagrees. He really does believe Jimin won't give a fuck. Might be a bit weird, granted, but it's not like Jimin has any claim on you. Sure, he got you 'first', but Jeongguk doesn't think it counts for anything.

"At least that's one less thing for you to lie about. I actually do need to call Tae," you ponder as you restock the paint.

Jeongguk ignores the small jab about lying. Knows that you'll no doubt insist on talking about it later, so revels in the distraction of Taehyung. "You do?"

"Mhhm," you say. "We need to plan the layout for the exhibition. Figure out how we're gonna make the space usable for regular customers, still."

"Well," Jeongguk considers as he runs his palette under the sink tap. "If you need any help moving the furniture about, I'll be happy to help. Anything for Tae."

"For Tae?" You raise a brow.

"Uh-huh. Not for you."

Oh, what a beautiful liar Jeon Jeongguk is: eyes bright, smile wide, cheeks so appled you think he could make cider. There's no malice in his misconstruction of reality, just a tender awareness that you tend to enjoy when he's like this.

You look at him with perplexed eyes, and sigh so deeply he thinks that you can't have been breathing properly all day. 

He knows what's coming next. Saves you the effort of asking the question. 

"I just... got scared." He looks down at his hands. They rest on the counter above the till, as he picks off flecks of dried paint with his nails. You don't tell him to stop, even though you've already wiped the surface down. Figure he's doing it because he's a little stressed. You feel bad.

"I know," you offer a little sympathy. "But isn't that the whole point? We're doing things that scare us, Gguk."

"You've been doing so well," he says and glances up, eyes wide and desperately wanting you to understand. "I'm lagging behind."

You shake your head, and gently squeeze his hand. He stops picking at the paint, so you keep it there. 

"I'm doing well with you," you insist. "Put me with a stranger? Anyone else? I'm not sure I'd be able to cope as well as I have been with you."

He hadn't considered it that way. He pushes his lips to the side like a bunny twitching its nose. It's endearing how vulnerable he can seem despite his piercings and tattoos. There's a softness to Jeongguk. 

"And, hey- at least you did invite me round."

"That doesn't count," he says, reminding you of your own words.

"But it shows that you're also doing well with me. We both need to work on using the lessons we've learned from one another. Both have a long way to go."

He just shrugs. Pulls his hand away, so he can take his apron off. 

"I still shouldn't have lied. I'm sorry."

"And I probably shouldn't have been so harsh on you," you offer back. "Should have heard you out before I decided that you were the spawn of satan himself."

He shakes his head. Doesn't think you were entirely wrong for being so annoyed. He knows he didn't have to lie to you. Instead, he had made an active choice to deceive you in order to make his life a little bit easier. 

Thing is, he's never had anyone call him out for bullshit like this before. Knows he'll think twice before he does it again.

"C'mon," he just says, knocking his head towards the door. "It's late. I'll walk you home."

It's shit like this that makes it impossible to stay mad at Jeongguk. 

His heart is in the right place, as are his intentions - it's just his execution that sometimes leaves something to be desired. Everyone makes mistakes, though. We live and we learn.  

You think that you're learning a lot from one another. Are glad you're able to resolve differences like these easily. Shows he cares about making things right. 

And so you invite him inside when you reach your place. Danbi is away visiting her sister, so it's just been you for the last couple of days. You don't mind it - you enjoy your space - but sometimes it's nice to have another voice in the four walls you call home. 

Despite the lack of a nosey housemate (who would definitely have a few suggestive glances to throw your way if she saw Jeongguk arrive home with you), you invite him to your bedroom, instead of staying in the living room. Aren't really sure why. Just feels... apt. 

It's not his first time entering your space, but he's still a near stranger to your bedroom. It couldn't be more different from his. You're a maximalist through and through, with enough decorative pillows to open up a soft furnishing shop. There are photos of friends, ticket stubs, and old flyers adorning your wall - a paper trail mapping out exactly who you are, all for his viewing pleasure. 

He learns you like a few bands that he does, too. Asks about your favourite tracks. Learns dumb shit about you. Finds that he likes you even more with every new admission. 

Unlike his, your bed is tucked into the corner of your room, where a slightly sloped ceiling makes it feel all cosy. There's no space birds you think. 

"Would be a waste," Jeongguk just shrugs. Is still beating himself for the fact he's seemingly unable to do even the simplest of birds. 

"I wish you wouldn't sell yourself short, Gguk," you sigh, looking at him with a little more pity than he'd probably appreciate. It's okay, though. He doesn't look at you. Just nibbles at his bottom lip and keeps his focus on his hands. "I know your last girl hurt -"

"Hayun," he says quietly.

"Hmm?" You question, though you know exactly what the interruption means. It's her name . He's finally speaking her into existence. Introducing his past to his present. Progress, you think - but selfishly, you sort of wish he hadn't. She'd always been ambiguous. Unknown.

With her name comes knowledge; and the ability to seek her out in Jeongguk's Instagram followers just to see what he's picturing instead when he gets a little too cosy with you.

"Hayun," he repeats, not that he needs to. "She's called Hayun."

She sounds like a bitc-

You cut your thoughts off before they can fully form. You don't know her. Only know Jeongguk's side of the story. It would be unfair to judge her. No matter how badly you want to.

"Well," you start slowly, a little unsure of yourself. "She. Her. Hayun . She hurt you." He nods. "But she's one person. There are billions of people out there, and of those billions, only a very small few will hurt you. You can't keep writing yourself off because of one person."

Hypocrite.

That's the thing, though. There are probably dozens of people out there who are just like her, but won't hurt him. 

Now you come to think about it, there are probably just as many people like you, too.

In the end, what really makes any of us so special? So unique?

Deep down, you know the answer: other people.

It's strangers on the street deciding how attractive you are in mere seconds, friends you've known for years finding comfort in your presence, lovers who mourn the loss of you even when you're still alive and kicking.

Hayun isn't special. She's just human.

Jeongguk is what made Hayun special. He decides that she's special.

But you make him special, too. 

No one sees him quite as you do. No one notices the callouses on his hands, or the tiny section of hair that his hairdresser cropped just a little bit too short compared to the rest of the cut. No one notices the way it's always the right side of his smile that lifts first, or that he always shakes his head a little before he adjusts his hair.

No one else notices the tiny flecks of glitter you sometimes leave on his skin. Not even him.

But you do.

Jeon Jeongguk is special because you choose to make him that way.

Just like you make Seokjin special. You've all the power, and one day you'll wise up to it. For now, you'll just hope that Jeongguk wises up to it, too.

"Then why do you do it?" Jeongguk counters. "Why do you write yourself off because of one person?"

It's a good question.

You find that missing Seokjin comes in waves. 

You'll think you're fine - that the shores have settled and the winds have calmed - but then the tide will come in. Waves will thunder towards you and crash seemingly without warning. You'll be drenched in your sorrow, and there'll be nothing you can do but watch the rides roll away again. He'll be gone, but only long enough for your clothes to dry. He'll be back soon enough to wreck you once more.

Jeongguk watches as you contemplate your answer. Notices the way your shoulders sort of cave in on themselves. Wonders if you were like this before Seokjin.

He's seen glimpses of you that he believes came before Seokjin. The times when you smile; when you laugh without fear of being judged. He's seen you vulnerable, and hates the fact that someone who treated you so unkindly has also seen you like that.

"I'm not sure," you admit. "Part of me thinks it wasn't my fault. That he knew exactly what he was doing every time he broke my heart."

"And the other?"

You look at him for a moment. Wonder what's going on inside that pretty little head of his. You don't think he's judging you, but he definitely is mulling your answers over.

"The other..." you sigh. "The other part remembers the good."

"And what was the good?" Jeongguk queries. "I've only heard the bad."

He doesn't doubt there must have been good times - he just doesn't think they could make up for how dreadful you seem to feel now. 

It's like that wave of missing Seokjin has stolen his breath, too. He feels the impact. Maybe not in the same way that you do, but he definitely notices it. Notices how it gets to you. It's a domino effect.

You shrug. There's so much you could say, but nothing that feels like it could justify what a terrible state you're in.

"He wasn't all bad. He isn't all bad. He made me laugh-"

"Bare minimum."

"Shut up," you say, tapping Jeongguk's chest with a grin on your face. "He's ambitious, yanno? I liked his drive. Liked that he knew what he wanted and would stop at nothing to get it."

Jeongguk holds his tongue. Drops his gaze from yours. Is scared you'll somehow read his thoughts, and know he's thinking: kind of like when he cheated on you?

But you're thinking it too. Know that his ambition was founded in selfishness. 

"Well," Jeongguk sighs. "They've both fucked us up, haven't they?"

"A little. At least we're trying to fix ourselves, now."

"Trying," Jeongguk repeats. "Not sure we're succeeding."

"Maybe not yet, but... I have an idea," you grin. It's for him, not for you.

Jeongguk narrows his eyes. The last bright idea you had ended up with a flock of paper birds above his bed, and you seeing him far more naked than you ever should have done. He doesn't imagine this idea will be much better.

You take his silence as permission to carry on talking.

"So I don't have any origami paper-"

"Oh, fuck no," Jeongguk laughs. Not more birds.

"No, hear me out!" You laugh right back. "You said that you don't mind doing your birds with me - that it's different to doing them with other people, right?"

He nods. Is cautious as he does so. Doesn't entirely see where you're going with this.

"You're always willing to do my birds, right?"

"Right..."

You take a deep breath. Are aware that what you're about to suggest could be met with rejection - but how can Jeongguk be expected to be brave enough to open himself up for rejection if no one around him ever does?

"My birds all tend to... be focused on the same thing, right? But you're always happy to do them with me. You're not scared of like... sex. Whatever, you know what I mean," you struggle to articulate yourself.

Jeongguk takes a moment. 

He knows that there's an idea brewing in your head, but chooses to ignore the mental gymnastics involved in figuring it out.

"But," you continue. "What about the things you're cautious of? The things that scare you in the bedroom? There must be some you haven't done before because you were scared of your partner thinking it would be weird?"

"Well, yeah? I'm sure everyone has?"

"Okay, good," you grin, getting to your feet and retrieving some paper from your desk and a pen. "Think of the most unhinged, or slightly obscure things you've always wanted to try. The stuff that you haven't tried before. The things you've feared being rejected."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Stupid question."

It's stupid because it doesn't answer his question, but also stupid because he thinks the answer is abundantly clear. 

And yet you ask again.

"Do you trust me?"

He wants to say no, just to be difficult, but his lips betray him.

"Course I do."

You ignore the way your cheeks heat up at his admission. After the little meltdown you'd had earlier, it's nice to hear - and reminds you that he could probably do with a little reassurance too.

"Good. I trust you too. To me, it seems like sex is less scary to you than pursuing relationships - so let's do a sex-based fear of yours instead. Ease you into facing the other ones that actually mean something to you."

Jeongguk isn't convinced of your logic - but you just look so damn hopeful. He'd feel like an ass if he didn't try.

"Alright," he says. "How do we do this?"

"Write the things you feared getting rejected down. I won't look. Just write them down," you repeat, before adding, "then fold them into paper planes."

"Paper planes?" he laughs, and so do you.

"Yes. Paper planes. Chop chop," you continue grinning as you close your eyes to encourage him to get to work.

He looks over at you - the smile settling on your lips, the serenity to be found in your company, and thinks fuck it. 

What's he got to lose? A little dignity? Perhaps it's naivety, or maybe it's just the influence of your enthusiasm, but he feels as if maybe you're right. Maybe things don't have to terrify him. At least not when he's with you.

He's seen how mortified you get whenever one of your birds fall, and how happy you always are after they're completed. You make the scary seem safe.

And so does as he's told. There are five pieces of paper, so he writes down five things he's never done. Five things he's always wanted to try - mostly out of morbid curiosity, more than anything.

When he says he's done you insist that he shuffles the (expertly folded) paper planes up. The way he bends to your every whim is quite remarkable. Makes you think that Hayun must have been a real piece of shit to take advantage of his feelings. If he's this willing for you, he must have constantly been on his knees for her.

"Okay," you say excitedly when he's done. You point to the mirror across from your bed, signalling to the empty waste bin next to it. "First paper plane to land in there, we do."

"We do?" He chokes on his own words. He sort of thought he'd just be sharing his desire. Not doing .

"We do - within reason. Like, if you want a threesome then that's just not possible, 'cause I'm simply one woman," you joke. Jeongguk smiles in such a way that tells you there's definitely ' threesome ' on one of his planes. "Look, let's just do it. What's the worst that could happen? I say no? Life goes on, Jeongguk. It'll be okay."

He hesitates, but not because he's nervous. It's cause he knows he's got a great shot. Tells you so.

"The first one will go in," he promises - so you choose one for him, and are proven right as he sinks the plane into the bin without an ounce of effort.

"Huh," you hum. "Nice."

You choose not to question the fact it sort of turned you on. Put it down to hunter-gatherer instincts. Some shit like that. 

Instead, you hop off your bed to retrieve the plane. While you're up, you roll off your tights. Don't wanna ruin one of your best pairs.

"Shall I do the honours, or would you like to tell me what we're doing?" You ask. 

"Put me out of my misery," Jeongguk groans, letting his body collapse into your pillows. Buries his head. Decides he hates this game. 

Hates it even more when he hears you whisper, "holy shit."

"What is it?" he grumbles into your pillow.

All rather suddenly, Jeongguk's expert aim isn't the only thing that's turned you on this evening. What he's written? Fuck . One of your favourite things. 

"It's torture," you tell him.

"I didn't write that down."

"No... but what you wanna do? Man, knowing you? You'll hate it."

You get back onto your bed and roll him over. There's no resistance. He just lets you move him about. Lets you straddle his hips. Grunts a little as you adjust. Curses when you turn the piece of paper around for him to read: 

cockwarming

"Great choice," you hum in approval. "Not what I was expecting but-"

"Wait," he laughs. "You actually want to do it?"

You shrug. "A bird's a bird. A plane's a plane."

"But do you want to?"

"Would I be sat on your lap like this if I didn't?"

He never gets a straight bloody answer from you. It frustrates him. Mentally. Sexually, too.

"This is so fucking weird," he laughs, pulling his arm to cover his face, his saccharine smile the only thing left on show.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist and pull his arm away. He keeps his eyes closed regardless.

"Look, weirder things have happened," you reason. "But if you don't wanna do it-"

"No!" He cuts you off rather abruptly. "I mean, yes. No. Yes. Fuck. Whatever. I wanna do it."

The hand that had covered his face rests now on your hip. When he looks up at you like this, you think his ex must have been mad to fuck him over. 

He's so precious; the dewy tip of his nose slightly blushed, lips pouty and a little glossy. It's his hair that really gets you, though, and how it's so silky smooth that it never tangles, not even as it's pointed in all different directions over his forehead. 

You reach over to straighten it out, and Jeongguk wonders what's behind the delicate smile on your lips. Wants to know every inch of the brain that you so often get lost in. Wonders what he'll find of himself in there.

It's probably for the best he doesn't know.

Your smile broadens a little, cheeks like cherries, so sweet and precisely what he's craving.

"Okay," you nod. You're sat on his crotch and can feel that he's stiff beneath you, but ask if he's hard enough just to check.

"Don't look," he tells you as he hooks his fingers beneath his sweats. You raise yourself up a little to give him some wiggle room. There's a small dark patch of grey where you've been sitting. He isn't the only one who's a little excited.

He pulls himself out of his underwear. Strokes once, twice. Knows he can be a little harder, but he's nervous. Grips himself tighter. Doesn't look at you.

You don't look at him either. 

Instead, you twist your body over to the nightstand, where a small trinket box sits prettily. Jeongguk had paid it no mind when he was looking around your room earlier, as he'd just assumed it was a jewellery box. You flick it open and retrieve something a little more important than pair of earrings - though now you think of it, you also slip your rings off.

Sitting up straight again, you place your bounty on his stomach.

Jeongguk looks down his body, chin to his chest, to see what you've put there.

"Think we'll need it?"

You glance down to check you've put the right thing on his stomach, a little panicked incase you'd mindlessly retrieved your vibrator from the box instead of your bottle of lube - but nope. All good. It's next to a condom. Safety first.

"Yeah?" You let your brows furrow and settle quickly. "We're not working me up, so."

He narrows his eyes. Remembers to sound of your pussy as he had pushed his fingers into you. Knows that it really doesn't take that much to get you dripping.

"We can," he offers. "Like this is a whole process-"

"The plane says cockwarming," you shrug, conscious of not making this about yourself. "So that's what we'll do."

"Byeol."

"Jeongguk."

"Yanno, your need to follow your self-imposed rules is gonna cause us issues," he tells you with such certainty that is kind of funny he looks so stern when his hand is wrapped around his cock.

"No it's not - put the condom on - it's gonna do us a world of good," you smile. 

"You won't even let me kiss you."

"'Cause that's too intimate!"

"Byeol, my cock is gonna be inside you."

"Lucky boy."

"Byeol-"

"Just let me sit on your dick," you grin, rolling your eyes at how pedantic he is. "We can psychoanalyse ourselves later, okay?"

"I-" he sighs, closing his eyes so firmly shut that creases etch themselves into his skin. "I'm hard, I'm just not... there yet."

"You're not?" you hum in surprise. He never has much trouble getting hard, from what you've seen before.

He shakes his head. Bites his lip. Apologises. "Just nervous, I think."

The stupid thing is that he knows he needn't be. He's just not used to this. He's used to foreplay that gets him to the point of coming undone before the funs even really started. He takes his time when he fucks. Takes it seriously.

But you're so casual he can't wrap his head around it. Can't understand how you aren't scared, too.

Thing is, you're terrified. A boundary is being crossed that neither one of you can come back from - but there are only consequences if the pair of you make it that way. It doesn't have to mean anything, and so you're pretending like it doesn't.

"Would it help if I..." You ask quietly, not finishing the sentence. 'Helping' is not on the plane. You shouldn't.

He says nothing. Swallows harshly. You're thankful for the fact he hasn't taken his shirt off. The beating of his heart that you can see through the cotton is already too much to cope with.

He nods.

Stills his hand.

Waits for yours to join.

It's already been established before that your hands are far smaller than his - but seeing them wrapped around the base of his cock? Yeah, it almost makes him say 'fuck it' and ask for a handjob instead. Can't remember the last time he'd have chosen one of those over pussy, but he likes your hands. Likes your wrists. Wants to watch what they can do.

Funnily enough, he can barely keep his eyes open when you actually do get to work. Feels too fucking good. 

You're salivating . Can't remember the last time you gave a simple handjob either. Always end up sucking instead, and there are never any complaints, so you'd forgotten what a simple pleasure it can be to watch a man writhe from your hand alone.

"You good?" you say quietly as he pulses his hips up into your grip. He's hard . Real fucking stiff. Probably the hardest you've ever seen him.

"Mhmm," he nods, only opening his eyes when your grip loosens. You can't take your eyes off of him. He's far bigger than you imagine him in your mind. A vein runs up the underside of his shaft, from the base right to his head, and something about it gets you a little breathless. Just like he is. "Yeah. Shit. Sorry. Yeah, I'm good. You good?"

You like how he stumbles over his words whenever he's turned on. You've noticed it a few times. Always gets your biting your lip. It's refreshing how open he is about how easily he loses control.

It's funny. When you finally look up at his face, you notice he's got a very similar vein that runs down his neck. It's engorged. Prominent. Blood desperately pumping through his body to keep him hard - not that he needs much persuading. 

"All good," you nod. "You ready?"

You're expecting compliance - but he shakes his head. 

"We both know you absolutely cannot take me without warming up a little first, Byeol."

You think he underestimates just how fucking wet you are. Beneath your bra, your nipples are so hard it fucking hurts . You can't remember the last time you were this turned on.

So turned on in fact, you've not thought of Seokjin once, despite the fact Jeongguk is where he usually is. It kind of feels like Jeongguk belongs in your mountain of pillows, lit up by the neon light above your bed. It's a little pink heart - a gift from Danbi one Christmas - and it paints him in the most gorgeous hues. There are no stars in his eyes, just tiny pink hearts. Suits him.

"It doesn't matter if 'this' is for me," he says tenderly. "'Cause honestly, I can't get off if the person I'm with isn't getting off, too. Let me at least make things a little easier for you."

"Easier?" you question, but needn't. It's obvious what he's alluding to. He glances down to his cock, which is thick and still in your grasp. Far thicker than his fingers are.

He nods. "Let me finger you again. We've done it before. We can do it again. I promise you the birds won't mind."

You think his forwardness is perhaps the sexiest thing about him in moments like these. 

He isn't afraid to ask of what he wants from you - which makes everything all the more confusing. Perhaps he really isn't fearful of rejection from you.

"Or you can do it yourself," he also offers. He doesn't want to be too forceful with his requests, just knows you'll thank him later. For all of his creative endeavours, Jeongguk has an analytical mind. Remembers his first forrays into relations with women, and mistakes that had been made in the past. He knows he needs you wet, and knows that even with lube, the tightness can still be a bitch. "I don't mind. I just don't wanna hurt you."

"Okay," you whisper.

"Okay?"

You nod. "You can do it."

The way he sinks his fingers into you is borderline paradise. 

Truthfully, you've only tried getting yourself off once since he was last inside you like this, and gave up halfway through. It just wasn't as good without him.

His thumb presses against your clit, and he's pleased to have you mewling. Had missed that sound. Fucks his fingers into you a little deeper. Stokes against your walls just how you like it. They're hot. Wet. Fucking divine - and he gets to put his cock inside you afterwards? Jeongguk thinks he's won the fucking lottery. 

He briefly thinks of Jimin. Decides that if he were ever to win the actual lottery, he'd probably give Jimin a share of the money. Not all of it. He'd keep the biggest prize. It makes sense to him that you've got a pussy like the winning numbers. As long as he's the one declared 'winner', Jeongguk thinks he'll be okay.

You tell him that you're good - that you can take him now - and he wants to protest. 

Partially cause he's only two fingers deep and knows he should really be three if he wants to stretch you out enough to easily take cock, but also 'cause he really fucking like the way you sound. You insist though, so he lets you. Will let you do anything you like at this point. 

He doesn't bother cleaning his fingers off. In an ideal world, he'd lick them clean - but that's uncharted territory between the pair of you. Doesn't wanna scare you off - as if you aren't rolling a condom down his cock, before lining yourself up with it as he considers it. 

He's throbbing already, swollen and hard, desperate to be sheathed inside you. Tells himself that it's okay, because you're not actually gonna be fucking and also because he's wearing a condom. Skin on skin? Raw? That'd be different, he tells himself.

"Ready?" You ask, breath a little shaky. You don't know why you suddenly feel nervous.

He nods. "Ready."

The tip of his cock rests against your entrance. 

You had deliberately stopped Jeongguk from working you up fully, because you wanted to really feel him as he enters you. 

There's a pleasure to be found in the right kind of pain - and sinking onto cock as big as his? Yeah . That's one of them.

You lower yourself so slowly that Jeongguk is absolutely certain you must be a masochist - or at least he would be, if could form coherent thoughts. He's too busy feeling . You're tight around him. Hot. Slippery yet small. He knows the lube is redundant. Knows you'd have been able to take him without it.

"Holy shit," you curse, still only about halfway down his shaft. 

In another, ideal, world, you'd start to bounce a little. Ease things in a little more gently - but that's strictly against the rules of cockwarming. All you can do is curse. Like him, you're feeling, too - stretched out, full. Content.

It takes the best part of a minute to sink to the base of his cock, and when you do, it takes everything in you not to just fuck him.

Instead, you lay yourself flat against him, arms crossed over his pecks, chin resting on your wrists. His own chin is pressed to his chest, angled a little awkwardly, just so he can look at you. You've no idea what's going on behind his treacle eyes.

"Is it okay?" you whisper, though it's more like a whimper. You're fucking pulsing around him. You both know it.

He nods. 

"Weird," he admits with a smile, a little breathless. "But good."

He finds sanctuary in these moments with you. Is unsure of how the pair of you ended up here, but doesn't mind that you have. He finds it mad that you view this as not being intimate. Thinks you must be clinically insane.

The truth of the matter is that you've made a fatal error. The reason you hadn't considered cockwarming as being too intimate is because you hadn't considered it all. No one ever asks to do it during drunken hook-ups.

But you're comfortable. You like it. You're no stranger to the act, but it's always been foreplay. With Seokjin, it never lasted more than a minute or so. Was just something to tease one another with.

This is different.

"I really like this," he whispers. You don't open your eyes, but you do smile when you feel his torso twist a little beneath you, his fingers reaching over to fix the strands of hair that have fallen from behind your ear.

Aways attentive, he never misses the chance to preen you. Welcomes you at your worst, but endeavours to get you at your best. It's curious.

"Me, too."

"Hey, Byeol?" He hums quietly.

"Mhmm?"

"I really am sorry about earlier."

"I see you've learned the oldest trick in the book."

"Which is?"

"Apologising while you're balls deep. Always works."

"Are you saying this is what I need to do for all future apologies?"

"You're planning on lying to me again?"

"No," he says sternly but softly. "No, I'm not."

"Well then, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," you hum against him.

"Do I have to lie?" he asks. "To get this again?"

He's unaware of the way he's biting down on his lip until you glance up towards him. Catches himself, but it's too late. You've already seen it. You don't mean to, but you mirror him. Bite down on yours, too.

"Are we allowed to do birds more than once?" You ask him, as if you haven't been in his shower a handful of times by now. You even know how to work the temperature gauge and everything. Are basically a seasoned regular. 

It's also his point of reference. Knows that he prefers his showers when they're with you. He tells you this - and then says, "I figured we could probably do with a shower after this?"

"My water pressure isn't as good as yours," you simper into his chest, avoiding eye contact.

"So come back to mine?"

It's a question asked without much care for consequences. He doesn't think much of it. You shouldn't either - but you just can't help yourself. 

"You know, I'm starting to think you don't actually have a fear of rejection," you tease lightly. "This was all just a master plan to get into my pants, wasn't it?"

"I've already told you, Byeol. I'm not scared of you."

His hand skirts up your thigh and settles by your hip, the pads of his fingers sinking tenderly into your flesh. His grip isn't hard, but it's firm. Present. There. 

He swallows back a breath. Pushes his head back into your pillows.

The way his neck moves beneath the warm glow of your neon light is sinful. It takes everything in you not to let your nails creep around it; give him a necklace he never asked for but would gladly receive.

This isn't about you, your wants, or your needs. This is all about him. If he asks for your hand around his throat? You might oblige. You might not. Depends on whether or not you're trying to annoy him. For now, your hands remain beneath your chin, resting prettily on his chest.

He exhales a breath. It's deep. You can feel your body move as his lungs deflate. Eyes finding yours once more Jeongguk shakes his head. "This is fucking torture."

You try your best not to laugh. Are well aware of the way your pussy will pulse around him. You don't want to make this any more difficult for him than it already is. "I told you so."

His body is clammy beneath his clothes. He's fighting every urge, every instinct he has. His cock throbs inside you. He wants more . Wants you .

And yet he finds you all rather amusing. Laughs, because he's stupid, and hasn't wised up to what such a movement could do yet. He stops all rather quickly. Eyes wide. Drinking you in to see if you felt it too; the way his muscles had flexed beneath you, the slightly involuntary pulse of his hips, the deep nudge of his cock against your walls.

"Fucking hell," he curses, closing his eyes. The crown of his head pushes down into your satin pillows, hair a mess all over his forehead. His brows pinch together, nostrils flare, jaw tenses. He's sin , but oh so pretty as his dark hair tangles against your posy pink bedding.

The worst part of it all, though?

It's the way he can hear you smile - the light breath that escapes from your peachy lips as you smirk. The subtle giggle. He can't open his eyes, 'cause he can't trust himself when you're looking at him in the way that he knows you undoubtedly are. Isn't sure he'll be able to follow the rules - the ones you implemented that he hates anyways.

Contrarily, you can't take your eyes off of him.

It's as if those big brown eyes have hypnotised you. All he needs to do is click his fingers and you'll be set free - but Jeongguk is a boy . He's stupid . He doesn't realise just how bewitched you are at this moment. Thinks that he's the only one struggling.

It's redundant, mind you - for you wouldn't take your eyes off of him even if you could .

Jeongguk is a sight to behold when he's like this. Kind of reminds you of when he strength trains at the gym - but it's your legs wrapped around his waist instead of a lifting belt. He'll have far less satisfaction taking you off, that's for sure.

You clasp his pointed chin with your fingers and turn his head to the side. His eyes open and land on the full-length mirror across from your bed. You smirk.

"Watch," you tease, subtle in how you're doing it, but he knows exactly what you're up to.

"Can't use my moves on me, B," he husks, but does as you say. 

It's not like he can see anything - just that you're on top of him. The shirt you're in has ridden up to your thighs, so your legs are exposed, but that's as much skin as there is on show. He strokes the bare skin regardless. Watches his hands as they caress you. Enjoys the sight.

"Oh, but I can," you simper, turning your head on his chest so that you're both looking in the mirror. It's kind of sweet. Or at least, it would be, if your pussy wasn't currently being stretched out by a cock so thick you know you'll be feeling it for days.

You watch on as his eyes scan the pair of you, but settle on you. He raises his brows. Looks ever so charming as he does so.

"It's not like we can even see anything," he protests, and he knows he shouldn't, because you're you . You'll just try and prove him wrong - and that's dangerous for everyone involved - but mostly him . Incredibly dangerous for him.

He's proven right as you slowly push against his chest, lifting yourself to a seated position. Jeongguk thinks he'll cum immediately if you even so much as giggle. Or maybe he'll die. Both will feel just euphoric.

Instead, your movements are slow as you reach for the hem of the oversized shirt. You lift it - just a little. Just enough. You can't see anything - but the way Jeongguk is straining his neck just to take in the sight of his cock buried in your pussy? Yeah. You know it's worth it.

"See anything now?" you tease, but he notices how breathless you sound. Are glad it's taking a toll on you. The base of his cock is covered in lube, but he can see a subtle change in texture where your pussy is stretched out around him. Knows that it's because your anatomy is desperate to have him fucking you, even if your brain is telling you otherwise.

Except that's the thing.

It's not.

Every morsel of your being wants to fuck Jeon Jeongguk.

It's only made worse when he smirks. 

"Nah. Can't see anything," he rasps. "Lift yourself up a bit?"

Never one to do as you're told, you shake your head. Sink back down to his chest - but the movement of your torso encourages your pussy to slide up his cock just a tiny fraction. Jeongguk fucking groans. Grabs hold of your ass and holds you in place. The change in position, no matter how small, has you struggling to catch your breath.

"Gguk," you mewl.

He nods. Understands. Can't fucking breathe either. Assumes from the way your entire respiratory system seems to be failing that the shallowness of his cock means that he's hitting you in all the right places. You're pulsing around him. Wonder if knows that the ridge of his head is cushioned perfectly against your most delicate spot.

"Deeper," you whisper, fearful of what will overcome you if he stays there - and so he pushes further into you. Holds you in place.

"Shit, Byeol," he finally husks, before realising just how close your lips are to his. His nose nudges against yours. He can feel your laboured breaths. You can feel his. His fingertips squeeze the flesh of your ass. You fucking moan. "Fuck. Don't do that. Don't..."

You're so close that he's having to fight every instinct telling him to press his lips to yours. A rule is a rule, and Jeongguk doesn't like breaking them - but he does really fucking like asses, so he squeezes again. Gets you mewling. Gets himself all worked up.

"Byeol," he whispers, chest rising and falling at such a rapid speed he can barely get his words out.

"Mhmm? Still okay?"

He nods. Grips onto your hips. Does nothing with them. Just holds. Keeps you still. "Okay. It's okay. It's... Fuck. Byeol, it's good."

"Good?"

"Mhhm," he grunts. Moves his hips to adjust your position. Gets you all moany, too. Makes your walls throb. Just a little. Just enough. "Shit. Yeah. It's real fucking good. Jesus Christ. Can you-"

He's cut off by your walls throbbing again. You know it's what he was gonna ask. If you could make it happen. You think you might be able to bring him to orgasm with that alone. You do it again.

"God, Byeol," he curses. Looks at you. Wishes you were naked. Wants your tits in his face. His hips pulse again. It's subtle, but - fucking hell - it's deep.

"You can't fuck me," you whisper, reminding him of the rules, as if you aren't dying to fuck him too.

"Says who?" he whines. "I think fucking is a really good idea."

There are two things certain about horny Jeongguk: he will trip over words, and he will convince himself that bad decisions are good ideas.

"Mhmm, yeah, may as well just ride you now," you tease, knowing full-well you won't. He understands the tone of your voice, but decides to push his luck for the fun of the flirt.

"You wanna ride me, huh? Bet your tits would look incredible."

"Flattery gets you nowhere," you tell him with absolute certainty. 

Considering this all came about because he lied, you should really know better than to tell fibs - especially when he's inside of you. 

Flattery is actually getting him everywhere . You're fucking leaking. Getting the base of his cock all messy. Your body is screaming at him: fuck me.

One of his hands grips your hip to keep himself snug, as he uses the other to sit up straighter. There's a small shift in the position of his cock, but it only serves to let more of your juices seep from your cunt. He can feel how damp the top of his thighs are, now. Knows it's not just the lube. Knows it you. 

Your faces are level as one of his arms wraps around your back. Your instincts tell you to grind - and that's not really fucking, is it? Just a languid movement or two surely isn't sex?

His cock is inside you. There's no debate to be had. You'll both defend yourself till the cows come home - but to any normal person, this is definitely fucking. 

Jeongguk's nose nudges against yours. His voice is breathless as he husks, "get yourself off."

He'd do it himself, but he knows you. Know what you're like. Knows that it's an issue you're yet to work through.

"Sure?" you whine, in desperate need of release. This, you think, is the closest to torture you'll ever get. 

"Please," he nods. Remembers how it felt to have you climax around his fingers. Wants it again now. He adjusts his hips. Desperately tries to feign innocence. 

"I know what you're doing," you grin against his neck, your forehead resting on his shoulder. "Behave yourself."

"I am," he pouts. 

"Stay still," you say regardless. "You won't feel it otherwise."

You let your hand drop between the pair of you, and start to rub dainty circles against your clit. It's easy to find - swollen and engorged - painfully neglected for far too long. Your head tips back, and Jeongguk's spare hand rest against the base of your neck.

"That's it, pretty. Get yourself off. Fuck."

And there's that flattery again. You're fucking ruined . You press harder against yourself. Rub faster. Spank your clit once, twice - and smirk when Jeongguk moans from the sound alone.

"Shit, yeah," he encourages. "Gonna make yourself cum so hard, aren't you? Gonna cum all over my cock? That's it. Oh shit, yeah. That's it."

His hip pulse - just a little bit - but you can't blame him. Your walls get tighter. Jeongguk grunts. You fucking moan. His grip on your throat? Yeah. That gets tighter too. 

"Eyes on me," he demands - and you fucking comply. Of course you do.

"Gguk," you mewl, but cut yourself short. The feeling is growing too strong. You can't hold it off any longer.

He nods. "Tell me."

Your free hand grips the back of his neck. The orgasm you're building has your body tensing. Lifting. Moving up his cock. It's almost as if your body knows to get the ridge of his head pressing against your g-spot. You can barely get a word out. It's all too much.

"I'm-" you try, but it's muffled by your own moan. " Gguk ."

"You wanna cum?" He asks, his voice tender and gentle and so incredibly fucked out that it's miracle you haven't fucked him. You think you'd lose it if you heard Jeongguk's voice mid-fuck. You don't realise it sounds a hell of a lot like this.

"Mhmm," is all you can manage, nodding your head. His grip on your neck is so incredibly dominant that you lose all capability of making your own choices. "Can I?"

"God, yeah," he lets out a breathy laugh. "God, I want you to cum so bad. Wanna feel you. Wanna- oh, fuck . That's it Byeol. Cum all over me. Good girl. That's a good fuckin' girl."

His words coax a climax out of you, body shuddering, pussy trembling around his cock. It's violently fast and yet terribly slow all at the same time. He hugs you tight to his chest. Holds you through your orgasm. Breaks one of the rules, and presses a kiss against your hair. You don't really notice. 

You do notice the way his legs shudder against your ass just as you finish coming down, and how he hugs you to his chest even tighter. How he fucking whines. Stammers. "Oh, fuh- Shit. Shit, Byeol."

And then his hips pulse beneath you. Once. Slow. Deep. Strong. "Fuck."

They retract. Repeat. Once. Twice. 

His lungs suddenly heave, as if he's been his breath the entire time. He pants. Laughs. Tilts his head back. Looks euphoric beneath your neon light. Confirms your assumptions. "Came."

You laugh, too. Slowly lift your thighs and let him slide out of you. He hugs you still. You hug him right back. It's nice. Really fucking nice. 

"We're never fucking doing that again," he smiles as his hands rub up and down your back in the most soothing of ways.

"Oh?" you question, nestling your head into the crock where his neck meets his shoulder. "Not a fan?"

He shakes his head. "Fucking torture. Next time I'm inside you, I'm just fucking you."

It amuses you how tender his hands are as they stroke your back, but his words are just as vulgar as they always are. 

"We shouldn't fuck," you tell him, a smirk on your lips, heart not beating quite right yet. "Wouldn't wanna ruin the friendship."

Jeongguk thinks it would be impossible to ruin something as good as this. 

"Good job we're not friends, then," he jokes. "Can't stand you."

"Oh yeah, my bad, I forgot," you play along. "And I'm just using you to get closer to Jimin."

"Fuck off," Jeongguk laughs. "Why drink Smirnoff when you could drink Grey Goose instead?"

You roll your eyes at his little barman analogy, and pull away to get yourself cleaned up. He's sad to watch you walk away. Doesn't even want to look at the mess you've made together.

"Hey Byeol," he calls after you. "About that shower?"

He hears you laugh. Can picture your pretty little face as you do so, and how the glitter from your eyes is practically all over your face now. He likes it. You're cosmic.

"My place or yours?"

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

[twodogs-twocats]

Taste Me (Sleep Token's Vessel x fem pov) 18+, NSFW

You have a rather gory nightmare about your boyfriend Vessel. Upon waking, Vessel comforts you by drawing inspiration from the nightmare itself. Inspired by the song "Sugar."

Warnings: SMUT - 18+, Minors DNI. Oral, gore, cannibalism, bondage, scary scenarios.

I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for awhile. Sugar is one of my favorite songs, gets me super inspired 😉

We still know how to bleed.

I woke slowly, my consciousness settling bit by bit. A cold, flat surface pressed into my back, but the chill of it was not quite enough to pull me out of my stupor. My eyes remained shut, heavy and dry from sleep.

I took in a shuddering breath. A strange warmth permeated my chest, sort of like I was melting. In fact, my whole body felt wrong, weightless and incorporeal. My mind scrambled to figure out why I had not woken up in my bed, but it couldn’t grasp anything solid. Everything felt foggy, just beyond the realm of understanding. 

I unglued my tongue from the roof of my mouth, licking apart my lips. Cautiously, I wiggled my fingers, trying to summon some energy to my limbs. My bones, however, creaked in protest.

“I wouldn’t move too much if I were you.” The voice came from somewhere behind me. I attempted to tilt my head toward the voice, immediately bringing on a wave of nausea. 

“I need you to stay still so you can keep marinating, my love.” 

Vessel? I knew that voice better than anything. I relaxed slightly. If Vessel was here, then I was okay.

“Vessel, where are you?” I mumbled in a gravely voice.  Even speaking brought about a soreness deep in my chest. “What is going on? Where am I?” Marinating?

A shuffle of fabric, followed by the creak of floorboards.

“My love, you are so, so sweet.” His voice was closer now, like he was standing above me. “I needed to taste you. And not just your soft lips, your gentle breath — I needed more. I am quite addicted to you, you know?”

A chill ran down my spine and at that moment I realized I was completely naked. The cool air whispered along my bare skin. I tried to move my hands again, but it felt like something was holding my wrists captive to the surface underneath me. I began to struggle against the restraints, yet every movement sent a jolt of pain through my body. Panic set in.

“I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Vessel continued. His voice was low, dripping with a feral sensuality. “I tried to make sure you wouldn’t feel a thing. I only wanted a taste. But then I had more, and more, and more.” Behind my closed lids, I could now feel his warm breath on my face. 

“Vessel, what are you talking about?” My chin trembled. “Where am I? Why can’t I move?” A tear escaped my eyelids, sliding down my cheek. “I don’t feel good.” 

“Do not cry beautiful.” He said, wiping my tear away. “Come, let me show you just how much I crave you.”

I felt his fingers brush across my eyelids, using the moisture of my tears to slowly lift my lids open. At first the light above me burned, and I squinted against the glare. Little by little, the room came into focus.

I was in my dining room. I could tell by the dusty chandelier above me. So the surface I was laying on must be my dining table… which made absolutely no sense.

Vessel appeared just off to my right, handsome as always. As I took him in, I noticed there was more red on him than normal. In fact, almost all the exposed skin of his face and chest was covered in thick rivulets of red liquid. It looked like blood.

“You are truly a delicacy,” he whispered, his teeth bared slightly. “In fact, you’ve spoiled me. I had thought I would save the best for last, but I just couldn’t resist. It was just so… tempting.” 

Vessel now held his hand out towards me, his fingers wrapped around something thick, round, and red. The same red liquid that coated Vessel’s face dripped off the object, falling to the floor. It looked like some sort of raw meat. Bile rose in my throat. Whatever it was, he had been eating it. My Vessel, eating something so -

“Thoroughly delicious. That is what you are.”

The thing in his hand was moving rhythmically. Thump thump, like a beating heart.

And then it hit me, everything falling into place. My breath came in gasps, my head ached, sweat pooled under my shoulders. With all this panic, this confusion, my heart should have been pounding too. But instead my heart was utterly quiet. I became cold as ice, as I pulled my gaze away from Vessel and looked down at my chest.

Where there should have been skin, there was a gaping hole, running from the bottom of my throat to the top of my belly button. Sticking out of my chest like blood-covered trees were my upper ribs, as though they had been broken and forced apart. My lungs were there, frantically expanding and contracting amidst the gore. But where there should have been a heart, there was nothing. 

My heart, utterly devoured by Vessel.

“I can’t give you up now, my love.” He smiled a bloody smile. “I’ve developed a taste for you.”

I screamed.

We still know how to feed. 

I shot upright in bed, struggling to catch my breath. Frantically, I brought my hands to my chest. There it was, the strong, rhythmic beat of my heart.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Vessel sat up next to me, turning on the bedside lamp. I flinched away from him as the light hit his face, and his eyes immediately flooded with concern. 

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe.” He held his hand out towards me, just far enough to let me close the distance. My Vessel. The one I love, a gentle voice in my head whispered. My body slowly relaxed and I let out a big sigh. Vessel would never hurt me. It was just a bad dream. I took his hand and allowed him to pull me into his lap. His broad chest pressed into my back as he wrapped his arms around me.

“You’re okay, everything is okay.” He whispered into my hair. The warmth of his breath sent waves of ease down my spine. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was just a bad dream. You- you were in it,” I spoke shyly, nervous to admit how afraid of him I had been. “You were… eating me.”

“Oh?” He smirked. “And why is that bad dear? Was I that bloody dreadful at it?”

I chuckled. He always knew how to make me feel better. “No, not like that. You were eating me alive. You had me all tied up and cut open. And you were eating my heart. It was pretty awful.”

He pulled me tighter. “I’m so sorry love. It was just a dream. You know I would never hurt you.”

“I know,” I said, nuzzling into his chest. 

We sat quietly for some time as I filled him in on some of the more vivid details of my dream. He ran his hands along my arms and my back, laughing lightly at some of the more absurd bits. Gradually I found myself laughing too. My dream was already fading into the void where dreams go.

“Just so you know, while I may not be eating you alive anytime soon” he smirked, “I do still find you quite addicting.” His fingers softly grasped my chin as he pulled my face to his. Rather that his typical ornate white mask, he usually wore a soft cotton mask to bed. His chin was still left exposed, and my gaze settled on his lips as they formed a slow smile. “I don’t want your last thought of me before bed to be me as some sort of psychotic cannibal. Allow me to make a better impression.”

My hand lightly traced the lines of his chest and abdomen. The image of him eating me on the dining table flashed into my mind, but somehow, rather than making me afraid, I felt a yearning in my core.

He leaned his face towards me and I brought my mouth to his. The kiss started gently, like he was asking a question. As much as Vessel claimed to be addicted to me, it was nothing compared to my voracious desire for him. I turned to face him fully, coming to straddle his lap. I knew he understood my answer when he ran his hands through my hair, grabbing fistfuls of it as his lips pressed more forcefully into mine. I felt his tongue travel along my mouth, and I parted my lips to let him in. The taste of him fully consumed me as he explored.

His large hands began to travel down my back until he found my ass. Fingers digging in, he pulled me closer to him. I felt his cock beneath his black boxers, already hard and pressing against me. My low belly started to burn with anticipation. I rocked my hips back and forth, grinding against his length, encouraging his arousal. His fingers tightened their grip as he moaned into my mouth.

Before I knew it, he had flipped me onto my back, pushing my oversized t-shirt up to reveal my naked body. “I really could eat you,” he chuckled deeply. Only Vessel could turn something so terrifying into something so incredibly sexy.

He began to trail kisses down my body, lingering at each of my nipples as he pulled them into his mouth with a soft bite. I gasped at the wetness of his tongue. The kisses continued all the way down to my thighs, where he took the sensitive flesh of my legs between his teeth.

My hips bucked, wanting more, wanting his mouth on me. “My my, aren’t you hungry?” He growled. I whimpered in response. “Let me show you how hungry I am too.” 

Vessel’s mouth met the wetness between my legs. His tongue trailed between the folds, sucking, biting, kissing. He slipped his tongue inside of me, moaning at my taste. Every movement of his was intended to please. His strong arms pushed my legs farther apart as he took my clit in his mouth. I cried out at the intense feeling, trying to pull away, but he held me firmly in place. He brought one hand back to my breasts, his thumb circling my nipples, overwhelming me with sensation. I felt heat building as I approached orgasm. If this is what it felt like to be consumed by Vessel, then it was no nightmare. It was euphoria.

“Good girl,” he said, his breath hot against me. “But I know you can give me more.” He quickly brought his mouth back, resuming his feast. Stars flashed across my vision as I came, my back arching away from the bed. He continued to taste me through my orgasm, relishing every moment. 

As I slumped back into the bed, I watched Vessel lick his lips, delighting in my taste. Seeing how much he enjoyed me led to another wave of arousal. I always needed more of him. He must have seen this in my eyes, for he started to crawl back up towards me. His lips met mine for a kiss, and I tasted myself on him.

“Don’t worry my love.” He grinned down at me, a trail of sweating traveling down his bare chest. “I always come back for seconds.”

[dollfaceksj]

Does jk rly only want oc because she looks like Mia:(….

i know i said jk x reader would be endgame but honestly, i’m gonna leave it up to you guys.

ps: some ppl still seem to be confused abt some things so let me make it clear

taehyung DOES NOT have feelings for y/n. idk how much more clear i had to make that in the previous drabble but im saying it now

reader was NEVER pregnant. that’s why they’re called SCARES.

taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) #34

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you raised your shaky fist and quickly knocked on his front door

you tried to keep your sobs contained but ultimately failed

your sleeves were full of tears and snot and you had no more space on them to clean yourself up

the door swung open and there he was, headphones on his head and controller in his hand with a complimentary annoyed pinch between his brows

he looked annoyed for a few seconds from being interrupted while playing but the moment he saw your state, instant concern seeped onto his expression and his stomach dropped

“what happened?” he asked immediately

you glanced inside of his apartment to make sure he was alone

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i don’t know what to do. i never meant for this to happen,” you rambled, choking on tears and sobs

he instantly took his headphones off and tossed them and his controller at his couch with no regard whether they landed safely or not before pulling you inside and closing the door behind you. “hey, hey. breathe. tell me what happened.”

“i swear i didn’t mean for this to happen, taehyung. i’m so sorry. i don’t know what to do. i’m panicking, please, don’t be mad at me. please, don’t be mad.” you stumbled over every word, barely being understandable with how hard you were sobbing

“hey,” he whispered as he gently shook you by your shoulders to get you to your senses. “i told you to breathe. tell me what happened.”

you had never just shown up this upset and it made his heart beat faster with panic but he had to stay calm for you

you took a few breaths to calm yourself down before opening your mouth to say, “i’m late. my period is late. it should’ve come through 4 days ago but it still hasn’t. please, please, don’t be mad at me.”

he blinked at you in confusion for a few seconds before the realization ultimately set on his face

this was the first time something like this had happened

you’d never had any problems or worries for the almost 3 years you and taehyung had been there

but you two were just halfway through your junior year and you had one more year to go

you dreamed of being seniors with taehyung

and this was going to ruin it

taehyung instantly pulled you into a hug to comfort you and stroked your head to calm you down. “don’t worry, i’m not mad. things like this happen. whatever happens, i’m here. i mean, that’s why i’m here right? i’m here to help. i’ll always be by your side.”

you sobbed into his chest, messing up his shirt but he paid no mind to it and continued to comfort you

“please, please don’t tell my parents, tae. they will kill me.”

“of course i won’t. if they killed you, how would i annoy you?” he attempted to make you smile and it worked, even though he couldn’t see your face. “besides, they’d kill me too.”

you sniffled a couple of times before pulling your face back to look at him. “what do you mean? it’s my fault.”

he shook his head and gently wiped your tears with his thumbs. “you’re my responsibility. i won’t let you take all the blame.”

you tried so hard not to bawl all over again. you never did anything to deserve someone like tae

you didn’t want to put all that responsibility on him but in that moment you didn’t know what else to do

“hyunjin’s?” he quietly asked as he rubbed the pad of his thumb in between your brows to smooth out the pinch between your brows

hyunjin was your boyfriend at the time

he didn’t want to offend you and imply you’d been cheating or anything like that, but it was clear he wanted to be sure about everything

you slowly nodded your head, sniffing quietly

“does he know?”

you shook your head in response

taehyung was the first to know

taehyung was the first to know everything

always

he exhaled deeply. “okay. whatever happens, it’s okay. if you’re pregnant, whatever you want to do, we’ll do it.”

“i’m still in school, i can’t have a baby right now.” you had finally started calming down a bit and it was all thanks to taehyung

he nodded quickly and said, “okay. we’ll book an appointment at the clinic then.”

you sniffed softly. “but abortions are so expensive.”

he frowned and shook his head. “don’t worry about the price, alright? i told you, you’re my responsibility. just rely on me, okay?”

you knew taehyung didn’t have that kind of money

you never wanted to put that amount of responsibility on taehyung, never

but in that moment you were so scared

so damn scared

that you just nodded your head and continued to hug him

he led you to his bed and cuddled you for the rest of the night, talking about your favorite topics and even leaving to go to the nightshop at one point to go get your favorite tub of ben & jerry’s ice cream

“aren’t you gonna get banned from the game for leaving during an online match?” you asked, sounding muffled from being buried in his chest

you knew taehyung absolutely loved gaming, everyone knew that

he was always gaming

so him having to ditch made you feel guilty

but he simply hummed in response.

and you tried so hard not to start crying again because you genuinely don’t deserve him

thankfully, it turned out to be just a scare and no extra steps had to be taken

either way, taehyung never viewed you any different and he dropped everything to help you

he’d do it again in a heartbeat

which he did when your second scare happened a year later and it went exactly like this one

[present]

staring at all of it scattered on your floor

the image of taehyung running through the rain to get you this stuff

to then walk in on what he walked in on

you can’t take it

and that’s when you drop to the floor

your hands reaching for the korean fried chicken scattered across your floor

and it’s seriously burning the skin on your fingers

you hiss, the smoke coming off the chicken and your skin is a clear indicator that the food is piping hot

you can’t believe it

not taehyung

you can’t lose taehyung

:(

“stop that!”

jungkook’s voice rings in your ears as he smacks the chicken out of your hands and reaches for paper towels to clean the hot sticky remnants of your fingers

all the emotions you kept hidden in front of taehyung are just pouring out of you

you don’t even care about the mia thing

you don’t even care about your business being aired

all you care about right now is taehyung

“he hates m– don’t touch me,” you shriek, trying to fight against jungkook, hitting, punching, pushing against his chest in an attempt to get him off

the only person you need to tell you everything’s gonna be okay is taehyung

you need taehyung

jungkook lets you get some of your emotions out but when you continue to hit him, he grabs your wrists to stop you

you keep staring at the spilled food

your throat burning

eyes stinging

nose running

“calm down,” is all jungkook says when you continue to fight against him but he’s too strong for you. “he doesn’t hate you, he’s just upset.”

your arms slowly start giving up and your eyes travel up to meet his

and his eyes are just genuine

staring at you like there’s no doubt in his mind that taehyung still loves and cares for you

and that’s when the tears start uncontrollably pouring out of your eyes

you sob, head held down whilst jungkook still holds your wrists

you collapse forwards, straight into jungkook’s chest

sobbing and sobbing

the shirt he’s wearing is taehyung’s

it smells like your laundry detergent and faintly like taehyung

you grip the shirt, holding onto it like it’s a piece of taehyung

“i don’t want him to hate me. i swear i never meant to hurt him like that. he’s really hurt. what do i do? what if he never wants to see me again?”

no one will ever understand the bond you share with tae

he’s your best friend. your brother. your soulmate

he loves you like a parent

cares for you like a best friend

protects you like a brother

and annoys you like all 3 of those in one

you would’ve never been here without him

“he doesn’t hate you. he just exploded after all that. that doesn’t make it okay but it does make him human. hyung would run a million laps around the perimeter of the earth with bare feet until the skin of his feet fell off just to see you smile. you know that.”

jungkook continues to talk sense into you

even though he’s also shaken up from being threatened by tae and exposed like that

taehyung has never threatened him before

they’ve just had dumb arguments here and there but nothing like this

jungkook himself is trembling with the fear of taehyung hating him

because that could actually be the case

but he’s ignoring his own panic and emotions to talk you down because he knows taehyung could truly never hate you

after awhile of soothing back rubs and occasional shaky breaths

you pull out of jungkook’s embrace

you look up at him and wipe your nose

and you see his red nose and teary eyes too

you want to tell him to fuck off

that you never want to see him again

that you hate him

unfortunately you get slapped in the face with the reality of your feelings for him

cause you can’t help but want to hear him out

but

all you can bring yourself to say

is, “mia…?”

at this, jungkook sighs

you wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your robe and get up from the floor, pushing him off

you walk up to the sink, washing off some of the remnants of the sauce on the chicken that the paper towels couldn’t get off

in your peripherals you see jungkook rising to his feet too, softly sniffing

you swallow in hopes to calm yourself down before turning to him. “are you still in love with her? is that why you want me? is that why you think you’re in love with me?”

he sighs deeply and rubs his eyes, wiping his tears with the paper towel

“no, y/n. you’ve got it all wrong.”

you cross your arms. “then speak or i swear, i’ll lose it.” your voice gets shaky towards the end and you’re getting emotional again

he finally looks at you. “i’m not in love with her because i fucking hate her, alright?”

…

where have you heard that one before?

“is that supposed to make me feel better? you said the exact same thing about me 2 months ago.”

he shakes his head again. “hyung doesn’t know the whole story and he just fucking messed everything up,” he grumbles whilst running his hand through his hair

“then tell me the story alread–!”

“she cheated, okay?” he slightly raises his voice but immediately repeats himself in a calmer tone. “she cheated.”

you stare at him with teary eyes, wanting him to keep going

he deeply sighs. “i’m not gonna go out like my mom.”

fuck

right

his mom was lying on a cold metal table in a morgue while his father was burying his junk in someone else’s trunk

you slightly scrunch your nose to try and stop yourself from getting emotional again

he continues, “yes. you look like her. i won’t deny that.” he stays where he is, just scanning you from a distance for your reactions.

“but you are absolutely nothing alike.”

you fight the urge to roll your eyes at this

“when i first met her in high school, she was all over me. i loved the attention she gave me. it made me feel like i was at the top of the fucking world. her love for me made me like her. i know that’s fucked up but i realized way later.”

you stay quiet as he explains, blinking at him and trying to stay as neutral as possible

“but you,” he pauses, shaking his head. “you wanted nothing to do with me. i didn’t get it. i didn’t like you because of that. a lot of people would say it would intrigue them but it hurt my ego.”

oh

you didn’t know that

“but as time went on i felt myself craving your validation just because i wanted to prove to you that i was likeable. that i wasn’t gross or nothing more than just a fuckboy. that i did have something good to offer.”

he quietly sniffles and wipes his newer tears with the back of his hand

you didn’t know he was still holding onto those things you said

but after finding out about his trauma…

“i had to put in work for you. it was completely different as it was with her. and the moment i realized i was feeling something for you, i got defensive and didn’t want to admit it. you being with yoongi just reminded me of when she cheated but not because you look alike, but simply because i’d been in a situation like this before.”

you take a deep breath. “did you say you hated my features because they reminded you of her?”

he stays quiet for a few moments.

“yes.”

you turn to the sink again and lean against it with your arms, hanging your head down

“no matter how shitty of me it was, i realized i needed to stay away from you until i got my shit together cause in that moment i did think i wanted you because of her. and that’s when i isolated for two months.”

you try not to cry but the silent tears make a whole lot of noise when they land in the sink

“but then i saw you at that party, it made me realize what the fuck i was doing was bullshit. you came dressed like a fallen angel. covered in blood, a broken halo, clipped wings. it made me realize even with all that,” he pauses, “you’re still an angel. you’re still y/n. not mia. the extra things on your costume were like your similar features because they didn’t define you, much less what i felt for you. you still make my heart beat out of my chest. you still make me want to launch myself at the sun. you still make me wonder what i did to be so lucky to even spend a minute of my day with you. and it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.”

you sniff quietly, moving your hand up to wipe your runny nose with the back of your hand

“she’s engaged now and i’m happy she found what she was looking for. i wasn’t mad that she left me, i was mad that she cheated. it made me feel like trash. it reminded me of my dad. and if i was really so obsessed with her like hyung says, wouldn’t all the girls i slept with look like her? does eunbi look like you? does isabella? does hyunjoo? areum? miyoung? sahee? han–”

“i get it,” you mumble.

like man ain’t nobody trynna hear that shit rn😒

and he’s right

you look absolutely nothing like those girls

you slowly turn to look at him and he sniffs again, wiping his runny nose and he clearly doesn’t care about wiping his tears anymore

you rub your own arms in comfort

“alright. you’ve said your piece. aren’t you going to ask about my dirty laundry?”

he squints his eyes at you. “did you lie to me about being on the pill?”

you truthfully shake your head in response

“then whatever happened back then is none of my business.”

oh

okay.

you didn’t expect that

it’s quiet for a few moments

real quiet

until he speaks up

he quietly sniffles when he asks, “do you want me to leave?”

to be continued

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[skzteez8]

Too Sweet | K.YS

☆ a lot of angst, comfort, a splash of fluff

☆ idol!yeosang x gn!reader

☆ established relationship

TW: so so much anxiety

sorry if this got really preachy. i've been dealing with a lot of anxiety recently, and i think this was a bit of an outlet for me. I still hope y'all enjoy this :)

Too Sweet series masterlist

materlist

It had been a long and exhausting month. One thing after the next kept piling up and threatening to overflow. The long days at work that seemed to all blend into one long horror story were pulling my hair out from the root. Minor inconveniences sparking small emotions, but I kept them suppressed, but today felt like the day I was going to finally break down.

I made my way off the bus from work and up to my small apartment. My legs felt heavy as I forced them up the front steps into the building and over to the elevator. I stepped into the lift and pressed the button to my floor. The doors slowly closed. 

Feeling the weight of the world, my knees buckled. I dropped my bags and sunk deeper into the floor. The tightness in my throat finally released, and the tears that had been threatening to spill over finally flooded past the broken dam. I pressed my forehead to the floor.

I heard the soft ding of the elevator signaling the door was opening, and my brain ignored it. I couldn't bring myself to sit up. The panic of forcing myself to sit up started to set in. Facing reality: the biggest task of my life.

After an unknown amount of time, I felt gentle yet shaky hands rest on the top of my back. The wordless exchange then began. I heard shuffling and the light scraping of my bags being lifted from the floor. I heard a soft grunt as the elevator doors started to close and my bag smacking the door, surely swinging aggressively back and forth. All of this was followed by more shuffling. Strong hands then firmly gripped my arms and lifted me up.

“Honey, you have to help me out here a little,” the deep voice spoke softly. “Can you walk with me?”

I nodded, moving forward with him, gripping his forearm tightly. It wasn’t necessarily for physical support but more for comfort. We walked slowly down the hall to my apartment. He punched the code in and opened the door.

I tried holding myself together enough to make it to the couch but I couldn't. “Yeosang,” I choked.

He dropped my bags carefully inside the door and pulled me through the doorway, letting the door shut out the outside world. “I'm here,” he said.

He tightly wrapped his arms around me as I wrapped my own around his waist. We stayed like this for a few moments before he started moving us over towards the couch. Those few steps felt like the biggest task of my life at that moment. He pulled me down onto the couch and held me for an unknown amount of time.

I don't know when I fell asleep or for how long, but I woke up to the soft snoring of Yeosang above me. I peeled my face from the crook of his neck and looked up at him. He shifted a bit and after a few moments, opened his eyes. He looked down at me with so much worry. I felt awful, knowing that he's now going to stress because of me. A burden. That's how I saw myself.

He reached his hand up and caressed the side of my, definitely swollen and blotchy, face. He brushed some hair out of my eyes and tucked some behind my ear. He gave me a warm smile and spoke softly. “Please do not feel bad, honey. You've been holding onto these burdens by yourself for too long. Please let me bear the weight with you. Let me be the pillar you lean on when you feel too heavy to walk and carry yourself.” He continued to lightly caress my face, now brushing the tears that had started again.

I put my head down on his chest to try and collect myself for a moment to try and express my gratitude and how much those words meant to me. But the tears wouldn't stop. He lifted my head and shook his own letting me know I didn't have to say anything. We lied there for a long time in each others arms without words being spoken.

In the dead silence of the apartment, a rumble ripped through. Yeosang’s hand flew to his stomach as he chuckled lightly. Surprise flashing across his face.

“Hungry,” was all he said.

He reached for his phone in his pocket and started ordering food.

“Do you want anything other than your usual?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment, knowing I wouldn't be able to eat more than what I usually get. I was big on desserts so maybe a different beverage.

“A sweet tea please,” I said quietly.

He chuckled and patted my head. Pressing a few more things on his screen and then setting his phone down, he wrapped his arms around me once again.

Yeosang talked about his day while we waited for the food. He told me about the new workout routine he had started. He picked up the vitamins he was running low on. He told me how much he missed me and was on his way down to meet me at the bus stop to walk me home.

I looked up at him. He looked back down at me with so much love in his eyes. I felt a sidden rush of guilt and my throat began to feel tight again.

“Oh, Yeosang, I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit every so often. I can't keep my shit together for longer than a few months or sometimes, only weeks. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I know you said that you want to help me bear the weight but I can't let you feel like it's too much. You already have to deal with so much and you already do so much. Please don't feel like you need to help me through this bullshit and my shitty brain.” I inhaled deeply. My chest felt lighter. But my throat still felt tight. I needed to get that out into the open, he needed to hear the truth but it somehow felt wrong to say all that.

He sat the both of us up. “I don't feel like I need to, I want to. I love you. Forever. I will always be by your side.” He pressed his face in closer to mine. “Don't ever doubt yourself, please.”

Our breath mingled together as I felt tears slide down my face. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“And please stop apologizing. I meant it when I said let me help,” he said as he reached up and wiped at the tears.

He leaned in a fraction closer, our noses almost touching. His words warmed me. They meant so much to me, knowing that there was someone in my life that cared so much that they didn't feel the need to help but wanted to. He wanted to be a part of my life. He looked at me through half lidded eyes that had a touch of softness.

With gentle yet slightly shaky fingers, he lifted my face slightly and pressed his lips to mine. He was sweet and the kiss was light, as if he thought I was fragile enough to break. He was slow with each kiss he planted on my mouth. I felt a warmth spread through me, like his love was piercing through my heart and spreading into my blood.

He pulled his lips off of mine after several kisses, his forehead touching mine. Yeosang's eyes remained closed, brows raised. I heard him swallow. He tilted his chin up enough for his mouth to slightly hover over mine. My heart was fluttering so intensely I was half convinced he could hear it.

“You're so addicting,” he spoke so quietly it was barely audible. “You're too sweet.”

I giggled, feeling my cheeks heat up. I met his lips, pressing a light kiss to them.

“Don't change, please. Ever. I'll help you. I'm always here.” He pulled back looking deeply into my eyes. “I mean it.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, buring my face. The warmth never faded. His word meant everything to me. I wanted to do the same for him, whenever he felt like he may need someone to lean on, I wanted to be there. And I told him just that.

We embraced for a while longer until the food arrived. We sat in silence and ate before deciding to turn in for the night. And, after washing up and crawling in bed, he wrapped me in his arms. He kissed the top of my head and whispered “I love you's” to each other. After a while, we both drifted off into a peaceful, warm sleep.

[vampaiaz]

— both arms cradle you now

pairing: billy hargrove / reader

cw: hurt, gnc reader, little to no comfort, billy is hurt, you're hurt, age regression, mentions or signs of self harm, break up, lovers to friends even if you both don't like it, little to no plot, blurb, first person pov, let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: wanted to write something different today! i've been feeling a little under the weather and this has been my mood for the day haha. i love angst :P

"why did you do that?"

just hours ago, we had gotten into a fight. billy tends to give himself a hard time whenever we raise our voices at each other. now i'm back in our house.

i take a look at his eyes—slightly red and glazed. billy had been crying.

he looked up from where he was seated, and i saw his lip was busted, his cheek swollen.

billy didn’t answer. he let his eyes speak, then looked back down at his hands. they were bruised.

"billy, what happened?"

i asked him again, tears welling up in my eyes. i want him to tell me, to open up and show me what’s going on. he never does.

"billy, i'm not doing this with you today."

i'm tired of getting shut out every time he's hurt. i always try my best to help him, but he brings me to this silent treatment, like what happened was my fault.

whenever he goes through these things, i'm the first one he goes to, but he doesn't even let me do anything.

he just sits there, listening to me talk to drown out what was done to him. things he did to himself.

billy looks up again, i'm standing over him. his hands reach over to mine, his thumbs rub my knuckles. he brings my hands to his face, he caresses himself with them.

as i watch him, tears fall from my eyes. he's like a child.

this is a child.

it hurts to see him this way, and i can't do anything... because i don't know how to help him.

"billy, talk. please."

i beg him, but he just keeps my hands on his face for longer. i gently pull away, and he lets go. he looks at me once again, and the tears in his eyes fall.

"please don't leave me," he whispers, his voice cracking.

this is the most vulnerable i've ever seen him. i feel sick thinking about what could've happened.

"i won't leave, billy," i reassure him. his eyes widen like he can't believe i said that. it's like the words are foreign to him.

but as i look into his eyes, something inside me begins to crumble. i've said those words before—so many times—yet here we are again.

i’m not sure how much more of this i can take. i know he’s hurting, but i’m breaking too.

i swallow hard, trying to push away the guilt that’s already creeping in, but it’s too late.

it’s not just his tears that make my heart ache; it’s the exhaustion in my own chest, the weariness of carrying his pain along with mine.

"...billy," i whisper, my voice shaking, "i can't keep doing this."

his eyes widen again, his hands start shaking. the tears in his eyes fall even faster. "what do you mean?"

his voice is still a whisper; he's afraid.

"i'm tired," i admit, my voice breaking. "i’m tired of this. i know you’re going through hell, but you never let me in. you never let me help you, and it’s tearing me apart." i shut my eyes, my hands reaching my face as i cover it.

i can feel the ache in my throat; it's disgusting.

"y/n," he says in a panic, "i need you. please."

the desperation makes it worse.

"i know," i say, still not looking at him. "and i need you too, but you’re not here with me. you’re somewhere else, locked inside yourself, and i can’t keep reaching for you when you won’t reach back."

selfish. so selfish.

"this isn’t fair," i say, my voice trembling. "it’s not fair to either of us. i’m so tired, billy. i’m so tired of feeling like this, of feeling like i’m losing you even when you’re right in front of me."

his tears fall faster now, his face crumpling in pain. "don’t do this," he begs. "please don’t leave me. i’ll try harder, i promise."

but i shake my head, the decision already made, even though it’s killing me. "i’m sorry," i say, choking on the words.

"but i can’t do this anymore. i love you, but i can't do this. i need to stop hurting, i need to stop hurting you."

billy lets out a strangled sob, his hands dropping to his sides, defeated. "so this is it?" he asks, his voice hollow.

i nod, my heart breaking into pieces. "i think it has to be."

we sit there in silence, the weight of what’s just happened settling in. it feels like the end of the world, and maybe it is. but i know, deep down, that this is the only way to save him.

"can we—"

he speaks into the stillness of the room. i finally turn to look at him; he looks ruined. i can feel myself physically hurt.

"can we still be f-friends?"

i feel like i'm talking to a child. this isn't the first time billy has been like this with me, but right now it hurts so much, i think i ruined him.

"yeah."

i softly smile, my eyes blurring from the tears left in them. he smiles back. his hand reaches for mine, intertwining our fingers.

we both sit there for minutes, until he decides to take a nap.

as i watch him sleep, i smile. he's at peace, he's not going against the world. i wish it was that way when he was awake. i wish i stayed by his side, but when i am... he's only losing.

[fandomgirlz01]

Anesthesia Brain Fog

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Reader

Prompt?: No

Request?: No

Requested prompt?: No

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.{Coming Soon}

Post Date: July 3rd 2023

Post Time: 10:48 pm

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,195

Summary: When the reader goes under anesthesia for a surgery, Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw sweetly takes care of his wife.

Author's Note: This Fic is based off of this video:

I {Faith} saw this on Tiktok and immediately thought of our sweet sweet Rooster and I {Faith} came up with the following Fic. I {Faith} decided that we don't give enough just fluff on this page so here you guys go a straight up fluffy piece. Plus I {Faith} believe that to this day this is my best work yet, you guys can really tell how far I've come in my writing if you guys follow my Wattpad and I am super proud of this one. With that being said I hope you guys enjoy this work of mine and I hope I did both brads and Maverick justice though my writing. I hope you guys see how much I put into making this absolutely just Brad.

Bradley’s Pov:

“She’ll be fine, Bradley. They said they do this surgery all the time,” Maverick notes, trying to comfort me. I raise my head to look at him. 

“I know, I just miss her is all. This is the first time in a long time we’ve been apart this long,” I reply as my leg bounces from anticipation about my wife. 

“You look more worried than anything, but I get it. You guys are always together. Hell, you guys are even together in the air,” he comments with a chuckle and I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. 

“Ok. Maybe I’m a little worried, Mav, but wouldn’t you be worried too if Penny had to have aortic valve surgery?” I question him in a slightly biting tone and he shrugs before nodding. 

“I’d be worried with any form of surgery on Penny,” he sympathizes with me and I throw a hand up to point at him. 

“See. So it’s only natural I'm worried,” I justify with a shrug before looking back down as I play with the ring that sits on my finger, twisting it around. 

I sigh as I sit back in my chair, waiting for y/n to come out of her surgery. When she’d started having chest pains a few weeks back, I immediately took her to the doctor and they found that her blood pressure was a little low. They looked at the problem further to learn that her aortic valve had been narrowing, making it hard for her heart to pump any blood to the rest of her body. 

The doctor immediately had her start the preparation for the surgery, which I of course helped her though. Today was the day we both highly anticipated for the last three weeks: the surgery. Her numbers kept bouncing back and forth, making the three weeks of waiting unbearable, until finally she was in the right range of numbers they wanted. Now it had only been three and a half hours since they finally took her back. My leg has been bouncing the whole time, unable to sit still as I continuously rub at my mustache or play with my ring anxiously while we wait for any news. 

“Really, I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s under anesthesia, Bradley. She probably doesn’t feel a thing,” Maverick offers his comfort once again and I sigh, shaking my head as I sit up with my arms crossed. 

“But that’s the thing, Mav. What if she does feel anything? I read somewhere that sometimes even with the anesthesia, a person can feel everything,” I explain while smoothing out my mustache and he shakes his head, chuckling. 

“Bradley. I’m sure she doesn’t. If I remember correctly from the research I did, it’s only one patient per thousand that feels anything,” he explains as he pushes off the wall where he’d been standing with his arms crossed and I shake my head in frustration. 

“She’s okay and either way, she’ll be fine. You're just making yourself panic more than need be, son,” he calmly talks me down as he walks over next to me and I sigh, nodding. 

“I know, Mav, I just wish I could be with her,” I reply as he chuckles, setting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. 

“You remind me so much of your dad. He’d be the same way. So protective and a big worry wort,” he comments jokingly yet lovingly, and I lightly smile as I uncross my arms now. 

I start to say something but the door opens, cutting me off. A nice looking older lady with brown shoulder-length hair walks in. She closes the door behind her before turning to us with a smile on her face. Maverick smiles softly as he takes his hand off my shoulder to shake hers before crossing them once more. 

“Hi, my name is Kairi. I’m the head nurse on the floor today,” she introduces herself with a light smile. 

“Y/n should be out soon, I’m just here to get the room ready and to inform you that it went well,” she explains to us as she starts to move around the room and I let out a sigh of relief. 

“See, Bradley? You were all worried for nothing,” Maverick jokes with a small chuckle as he slaps me on the shoulder and the nurse lets out a small laugh too. 

“Well, no more worrying. She’ll be here soon. She did so well. The doctor had little to no issues,” she reassures me in a friendly tone. 

“So there were issues?” I ask and Kairi shakes her head. 

“It wasn’t a big one, she just had a very elevated blood pressure from her body learning to take to the new dynamic again. It didn’t remember how to function with the valve not closing off, but in the end all went well and the doctor was able to fix her all up,” Kairi continues to reassure me and I sigh. 

“Will she be awake when she comes in?” I ask and she smiles softly. 

“She may still be asleep at first because the anesthesia will still be wearing off, but she’ll be perfectly ok,” she promises as she writes something on the big chart on the wall and for the first time all morning, I can feel myself relax. 

“Ok. Well, I’m finished up,” Kairi starts as she lightly pushes off the wall, caps the white board marker she's holding, and clips it back to the side of the board. 

“She’ll be in here in a few minutes. If you need anything, just push this button and I should get the notification to come on in,” Kairi continues to explain to us as she points to the button before putting her right hand in her pocket as she starts to walk out of the room. 

“Oh! Would you look at that, I was right,” Kairi remarks happily when she opens the door and there’s two other nurses pushing y/n’s bed. 

We watch as they get the bed into its final resting place. Soon they finish up and we watch as they all move towards the door. 

“Let me know when she’s awake and we can make sure she’s not too out of it,” Kairi informs us as she turns back to us with a smile and a nod before her and other nurses are fully leaving the room. 

“Sounds like it’s just a waiting game now,” Maverick comments as he leans back in his chair and I give a small “hmm” as I pull out my phone. 

I text the group chat to let everyone know she’s out of surgery and in no time start getting replies about how happy the team is that it went well. I smile softly at the love she gets from everyone on the team and respond back to a few of them. 

When the group chat calms down a bit, I mess around on some other things on my phone for a while as I grab her hand and hold onto it with my unoccupied hand. It’s only about an hour later when I feel y/n squeeze my hand lightly. 

I jump up and quickly put my phone back into my pocket as she groans for a moment. Maverick looks up from his phone when I jump up and hover next to her. He stands up and walks closer to the other side of her bed. 

“Morning, honey. How are you feeling?” I ask in a soft tone as I smile down at her. 

She blinks a few times and groggily looks up at me as I stroke her hair back lightly. Maverick chuckles before walking over to the door and opening it. He stops and turns to look back as I look up at him. 

“I’ll go let Kairi know that she’s awake,” he informs me before he walks out.

Y/n groggily blinks up at me a little more before reaching up for me. I go to reach for her hand, but stop when she starts to rub at my cheek. I smile down at her and she smiles as she pokes my mustache, making me chuckle. 

“What, you like my mustache? Was it a nice sleep?” I question her with a quirked eyebrow as she continues to look at me with half-lidded eyes. 

Maverick walks back in with Kairi and she smiles as she walks over to y/n. Kairi stops by y/n’s bed and looks over her drip bag. 

“Good morning, miss y/n. How are you feeling?” she queries and y/n smiles groggily at her. 

“I feel fine, but who’s he? He looks cute…” y/n questions as she points at me and I fight off a laugh as Maverick looks at me with a smirk. 

“Sweetheart, that's Bradley. Your husband,” Maverick states to her through his laughs. 

“Oh hi, Mav!” Y/n shouts as she looks over at him and grins as he gives her a small wave. 

“Wait, so she remembers Mav, but not me?” I ask and the nurse smiles softly as she looks her over. 

“It may just be temporary amnesia from the anesthesia. It’ll wear off soon enough,” she explains as she continues to look her over. 

“Looks like you were worried about the wrong thing, Bradley,” Mavrick jokes with a smirk and I give him a playful glare. 

“Temporary amnesia is common and it can definitely be very selective. So I wouldn’t worry. Everyone reacts a little differently to the anesthesia,” Kairi continues to explain as she looks over the needle in y/n’s arm. 

“Well, she looks ok and like all is well. I’ll come in when she’s more awake and off the amnesia from the anesthesia. I will also be checking in every half hour or so,” Kairi explains as I look up at her and give her a nod. 

“You know what button to push if you need me, right?” Kairi queries one last time, making me and Maverick nod. 

“I think we got it from here. Thank you, Kairi,” Maverick muses out through his laughter that he’s trying to stifle and she smiles, nodding at him before heading out of the room while holding her own laughter in. 

“You come back here,” y/n demands, pointing at me and wiggling her finger for me to come closer. I hold back a laugh as I bend back down to her. 

“Oh I’m getting this on video. The memory will be golden,” Maverick comments as he pulls his phone out and seems to start recording. 

“You like how he looks, Bumblebee?” Mavrick questions as she starts to caress my face again. 

“You look a little weird,” she declares and I hold back a laugh again. 

“But you're cute,” she continues as she pokes my mustache again, making me openly laugh now. 

“Hmm. Well I’m glad you still like my face,” I joke and look up at Maverick, who’s stifling many more laughs while recording. 

“She’s so gonna kill me for recording this, but it’s so good,” Maverick cheekily jokes as he continues to record and I chuckle. 

“That she will, Mav, but I’m sure once she sees it she’ll just laugh it off. Ya know, after she kills you though,” I agree jokingly with him and he shrugs. 

“Worth it,” he comments with a shrug and I shake my head at him. 

She continues to rub at my face again and soon it starts to tickle, making me shy away for a moment. She then stops rubbing my face and I turn back to her while laughing. She stops and looks at me in confusion, making me tilt my head as she continues to look at me for a moment, almost deep in thought. 

“You’re funny lookin’,” she decides as she points at me and I bow my head to laugh. 

I look up at Maverick as I continue to laugh, but jump when she pulls my hat off. I watch as she holds it up and looks at it before trying to put it on her own head, but it ends up just sitting haphazardly on her head. 

“I like it. My hats always look good on you, sweetie,” I state with a grin before she pokes my mustache again. 

“I like you,” she informs as she keeps poking at my mustache, making me chortle. 

“Yeah? Do you?” I ask her and she keeps poking my mustache as well as my lip now. 

“I think,” she adds and I chuckle as I give her a playful shocked look. 

“You think?” I ask her though my laughter and she widens her eyes at me, continuously poking my face. 

“Honey. You don’t have a straight head right now. Thinking may not be the best idea,” I joke and Maverick chuckles as she just gives me a confused look. 

She then takes my hat off her head and throws it down on the side of the bed. She looks away for a moment, then looks back at me and takes my aviators off. She tries them on, but they only sit haphazardly on her face again. 

“I like them. Again, they look good on you, darlin’. My stuff always suits you,” I tell her with a grin as I nod at her. 

“You’re cute,” she comments, completely ignoring what I’d told her as she pulls her hand away only to thump me in the forehead as she points to it. 

I laugh as she lets her hand drop and she looks up at me in awe some more. I look at Maverick and we have a silent conversation before I nod, chuckling to myself as I turn back to her. 

“I’m gonna blow your mind right now, sweetheart,” I note jokingly. 

“You wanna know how?” I ask her as she looks away from me, almost ignoring me. 

I quickly move forward and give her cheek a kiss. she turns to me, her mouth falling open. 

“That cute guy in the Hawaiian shirt is kissin me, Mav!” she shouts as she looks at me in awe and shock, making us both burst out into laughter. 

She looks shocked and every time I look at her, I laugh harder. My face falls just under her chest above her lungs as I laugh harder and harder. I take a deep breath as I try to sober up from my laughter before looking back up at her again. 

I quickly move forward and kiss her on the lips before pulling away to see her face in even more shock. Her mouth stays open in shock as her eyes widen and I can’t help but to laugh even harder. 

“Whoa,” I playfully tell her with wide eyes and she doesn’t react, just stays frozen in her shock. 

I lay my head back down again as I laugh harder at her and her hand grips onto my hair for a moment. She runs her fingers through it, making me look up at her again. 

I lean forward for another kiss and this time she closes her mouth and kisses back. Once I pull back, she looks at me still in shock and I start to laugh harder if it’s even possible. I fall back onto the floor as I continue to laugh with my eyes screwing shut as I fight to breathe through the laughter. 

“You are cute,” she states again as she points at me on the ground, only making me laugh harder. 

“And he kissed you, sweetheart,” Maverick informs her, as she continues to look at me and loosely point at me now. 

“How lucky are you?” Maverick asks her though his own laughter. 

She quickly turns to look at Maverick, who tries hard not to laugh. He continues to record and laugh as she just stares at him. 

“Think he’ll take you out to dinner when you get outta here?” Mavrick questions her and she looks at him. 

“I got a nasty scar though,” she groans out with a face of disgust as she points to her chest where they opened her up. 

“Don’t you worry about that, honey. I still find you very attractive,” I promise her with a smile and she gives me a dazed look as Maverick stops recording. 

“I’m tired…” she whispers quietly and I smile, nodding at her. 

“Ok. Go back to sleep then, princess. It’s ok to be tired. You’ve had a very long morning,” I promise her as I brush some of her hair back behind her ear. 

“Ok, cute guy…” she mutters sleepily before closing her eyes and getting comfortable. 

“I’ll, uhh, go get us some lunch. What do you want?” Maverick asks as he shoves his phone into his pocket. 

“Umm, maybe some In-n-out?” I answer him with a question and he hums in agreement. 

“That does sound very good. I’ll be back soon. We’ll watch the video when I get back,” he tells me with a smirk as he puts his jacket on and I nod at him as I try not to start laughing again. 

He smiles and chuckles one last time before turning around and walking out the door. I chuckle lightly as I pull a chair over by y/n’s bedside before sitting down in it. 

“Hey, cute guy…?” y/n quietly asks and I have to hold back a chuckle as I look up at her, giving her a ‘hmm’ in response. 

“Will you hold my hand?” she again quietly asks me now, looking at me with her eyes gleaming and I grin. 

“Of course, sweetheart,” I reply as I reach my hand out for her to take. 

“Thank you, cute guy,” she whispers out, before cuddling back into her bed and I smile, squeezing her hand. 

“You are very welcome, sweet girl,” I tell her as I bring her hand up to my lips, leaving a kiss on the back of it. 

She sighs softly and I chuckle as she seems to slowly fall asleep. Once she’s out, my phone goes off and I quietly hiss as I quickly try to pull it out of my pocket with my free hand. When I successfully pull it out I see a text from Phoenix. 

Phoenix: Hey. Any updates? She awake?

I smile softly at the care that comes through the text, the same as earlier. I look up at y/n to see that her chest rises and falls softly. I slowly let go of her hand for a split second so I can’t text back. 

Me: Hey. All’s good. Although she did have a small bout of amnesia when she woke up. Nurse says it’s a common symptom for most people. Right now she’s asleep again. I’ll text and let you all know when she’s feeling up to visitors. 

Y/n whines a little as her hand moves a bit as if searching for mine. I smile and after sending the text, quickly grab her hand again. She calms as soon as I grab it and I smile softly. 

I then continue to play around on my phone as she sleeps and time seems to fly by. Soon before I know it, the door is opening and Maverick walks in with the In-n-out bags along with a drink holder with two drinks. 

“How do you always do that?” I ask as he sets the two bags down along with the drinks and he hums. 

“How do I do what?” he questions and I motion to the drinks. 

“How do you carry drinks on your bike?!” I ask in astonishment and he chuckles, shrugging. 

“I don’t know, just do,” he replies, bouncing his eyebrows at me and I shake my head. 

“You are a wonder, Mav,” I tell him through a chuckle as I shake my head. 

“So are you, kid. So are you,” he tells me with a smile my way. 

“Come on. Let’s eat,” he continues as he pulls his burger out of the bag. 

“I’ll eat mine over here,” I state, holding our interlaced hands up so he can see them and he nods, smiling as he pulls my fries out of the bag. 

“I figured you would. Just like your dad. He wouldn’t have left Carol’s side for anything in the world even if it was to eat when she was in a hospital bed,” he reminisces and I smile softly, loving that he’s telling me about my dad. 

He hands me the fries as well as my burger along with my drink and I take them, setting them down on her table. I take a moment to look over at her and smile when I see she’s peacefully sleeping. I then pull the table closer to me before starting to eat. 

We both silently eat, exchanging banter every now and then before y/n lets out a groan. I look up at her before shoving my phone in my pocket, pushing the table away from myself and standing next to her. 

“Morning, sweetheart. Did you have another nice nap?” I ask her and she smiles at me. 

“Morning, Brads. Yes, yes it was a very nice sleep,” she tells me and I smile at the mention of one of my many nicknames that she’s dubbed me with. 

“So you know who I am this time?” I ask her as I hold back a chuckle. 

“What do you mean?! Do I know you?! Of course I know you. You're my husband,” she tells me while giving me an incredulous look. 

“Sweetheart. I’m glad you know me now, but as of an hour ago you did not,” I inform her as I continue to hold back my laughter. 

“What? No. I don’t even remember waking up,” she denies, shaking her head. 

“But you did, honey,” I tell her softly and she shakes her head. 

“Why don’t I remember it then?” she asks and I shrug lightly. 

“Well I think I can answer that…” a voice speaks up, making me look up to see Kairi standing there smiling with her hands on her hips. 

“You had a temporary form of amnesia when you woke up. You probably don’t remember it because you weren’t fully off the anesthesia, but now you should be,” Kairi explains as she smiles while walking over to us. 

“How do you feel, Mrs. Bradshaw?” she asks as she walks over to us. 

“I feel fine. Tired still and a little hungry, but overall fine,” y/n answers before looking over at me and I squeeze her hand lightly as I let out a chortle. 

“Ok. I think we can handle that. I’ll make sure to have food brought up to you,” Kairi promises through her laughter. 

“But don’t worry. It’s all normal after these kinds of surgeries. You may experience weakness for quite a while, as well as many bursts of emotions or even sudden tiredness,” Kairi explains softly and I smile at y/n encouragingly. 

“You’re also looking fine, that must mean you’re already recovering pretty well. You may feel some pain or discomfort around the incision. If you do, just call me in and we’ll figure out what’s up,” Kairi explains as she finishes looking over y/n and I smile, nodding at her. 

“Thank you, Kairi. We’ll definitely call if we need you,” I tell her and she smiles softly. 

“Ok. I’ll see you again in an hour unless you need me before then,” Kairi promises with a smile as Maverick and I nod to her. 

“Word of advice: keep these two around, Mrs. Bradshaw. They both seem to love you a whole lot,” Kairi comments, making y/n smile. 

“Thank you, Kairi. I plan to,” y/n agrees and Kairi smiles, nodding before turning and heading for the door. 

“Did I really forget you?” Y/n asks with a pout and I chuckle. 

“Yes, you did Bee, I even got it on video!” Maverick tells her and she pouts even more. 

“Hey. It’s ok, sweet pea. I know it wasn’t actually you. It was just a reaction you had to the anesthesia,” I promise her as I rub back some of her hair and she looks up at me, tears filling her eyes. 

“B…b…but I forgot my Brads. How could I forget you?” she asks and I chuckle, looking at Maverick. 

“I think she may be having one of those bursts of emotions, huh Bradley?” Maverick questions and I chuckle, shaking my head. 

“I think she might be, but it’s okay. It’s just temporary. Honey, it’s ok, really. I know it wasn’t actually you forgetting me,” I tell her and her lip trembles. 

“Really?” she hesitantly asks and I smile softly. 

“Yes, my sweet girl, it's okay. I’m not mad,” I promise her and she finally smiles. 

“It was more funny than anything. Wanna watch the video?” Maverick comments, holding back laughter and she glares at him. 

“You better not have,” she sternly tells him and he chokes on his laughter. 

“Oh, but I did…” he cheekily tells her with a smirk and she groans. 

“Mav! Please delete it?!” she begs him and he laughs, shaking his head. 

“No can do, Bee. Sorry, it’s just too good to delete,” he informs her and she lets out a huff as she crosses her arms. 

“You must really want to die,” she mutters and I chuckle, shaking my head at my two favorite people. 

“Bradley, honey… say your goodbyes to your father now while you have the chance, because as soon as I’m able to get out of this bed, he’s gone,” she tells me in a very serious tone and I hold back my laughter as I try to nod seriously at her. 

“Bradley, tell her she can’t kill me,” Maverick tries to plea with me but I shake my head. 

“Oh no. I’m not getting into this. I warned you, remember, and you just shrugged saying it was worth it, so don’t pull me in. I don’t wanna be in the hot seat. You're all on your own,” I tell him and slowly his eyes widen. 

“Bradley, you can’t possibly sit by and just watch as she murders me,” he tries to fight back and I smirk. 

“Who said I’d be sitting back? I wouldn’t even be in the room. Gotta keep my innocence,” I inform him and he scoffs, shaking his head. 

“Innocence, my ass. Kid, you ain’t one bit innocent,” he tells me and that’s when I finally break, starting to laugh. 

“Who are you to talk, Maverick? Mr. My name isn’t innocence…” y/n comments with an eye roll and I laugh harder as he looks at her in shock. 

“And you act so innocent all the time? I think not!” he argues back and she scoffs. 

“I’m definitely more innocent than you,” she continues to argue back and Maverick shakes his head. 

“Bradley, help me out here, you can’t possibly think she’s so innocent,” Maverick begs me to help him and I shake my head. 

“I’m not getting into this. This is between you two. I can’t be picking sides here now,” I reply, shaking my head in refusal. 

“Wow. It’s her over me, huh?” he asks and I sigh, shaking my head in amusement. 

“No. It’s not. I’m not picking sides for that specific reason and you know it,” I tell him and he chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Yeah. Yeah. I get it kid,” he surrenders, putting his hands up and I chuckle. 

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” A girl in her early 20s with a light brown bob walks in. 

“Oh no. You're good. Come on in,” I inform her as I invite her in and she smiles softly. 

“I’m Elizabeth. I’m just bringing Mrs. Bradshaw that food she requested,” she explains as she opens the door farther to show the tray she’s holding. 

“Oh my goodness, food! I’m willing to eat literally anything!” Y/n moans out, making us all laugh and I lightly push my food aside for the nurse. 

“She hasn’t eaten for thirty six hours, so…” I explain and the nurse nods. 

“Well, here you go then. Enjoy!” Elizabeth tells y/n as she sets it down on the table.

“Thank you!” Y/n happily expresses her gratitude and Elisabeth smiles, nodding. 

“Of course. It’s my job,” Elisabeth comments before walking back out the door. 

“Welp, shall we finish our food and watch this video?” Maverick jokes as y/n starts to dig into her food. 

Y/n stops what she’s doing, looks at him and growls. He puts his hands up in surrender again and I chuckle. 

“Oh come on, honey. Don’t you wanna see it at least a little bit?” I ask her and she rolls her eyes, sighing. 

“Uggh. I guess. Go ahead, play the dumb thing,” she agrees, rolling her eyes and I throw my head back laughing. 

“I’ll put it up on the TV, it’s supposed to be able to connect to it,” he tells us as he starts to try and connect it. 

“Yes! I got it!” he cheers when it connects and y/n groans when she sees it ready to play. 

I sit back into my chair, still holding y/n’s hand as the video begins to play. I can’t help but smile as I watch her and Maverick joke around with each other. She giggles as well as groan every now and then at the video that plays over and over. 

I can’t help but just enjoy sitting here with my wife, who’s now in recovery, and my father-like figure as they throw jokes back and forth. For the first time all day, I truly feel at peace, knowing everything went well today. I stand up and y/n looks at me, confused, but it quickly goes away as I sit on the bed with her. 

She cuddles into my side as we continue to just laugh at the video. She groans and hides her head in my chest. 

“He’s never going to let me live this down, will he?” she asks and I chuckle. 

“No honey, I don’t think he will,” I quietly reply and she groans again. 

“How in the world did I ever forget my Bradley Bear? It’s just not me!” she asks, shaking her head as she cuddles in closer, nuzzling her face into my chest and I smirk. 

“Oh, but you did!” Mavrick remarks from the chair he now lounges in and y/n only growls at him again, making me chuckle. 

“It’s okay though, sweetheart. I know you weren’t fully in your right mind,” I again promise her sweetly as I kiss her forehead and feel her smile softly as she snuggles into my side even more. 

After we all finish cracking up laughing at the video of y/n, Maverick decides to watch something on TV. Together we decide what to watch and then just enjoy the rest of the day together, watching TV with y/n cuddled up next to me, Maverick in his chair, and Kairi checking in with us every so often. 

The End…

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[mintsv]

Fall in love, again - S.hanbin (ch 2)

read chapter 1 here!

campus crush!hanbin x fem!reader

synopsis : you and hanbin had been best friends ever since elementary but as time went by, both of you started to grow apart. You were striving academically while he was focused on chasing his dreams. By the end of high school, you eventually lost contact. Months went by and you got a scholarship to a famous college, you swore you were gonna move on until a familiar face showed up in your campus, your first love, sung hanbin.

genre : romance ; college au ; angst ; fluff ; hurt/comfort

wc : 3k

warnings : slight injury ; mention of blood ; cursing / swearing

Days passed by, nor you or hanbin has made an effort to talk again. you missed him, and he missed you too. the more time passed by, the more you realize that you couldn't stop thinking about him. you lost your focus in lectures, forget to submit assignments, spend all night studying but forget it the next day. the straight A's you managed to obtain started to decrease day by day, so you had no other choice but to overwork yourself, pushing your limits further in order to not disappoint your peers. and it seemed to have worked, the more you pushed yourself, the less you thought about hanbin.

Little did you know, hanbin noticed your change in demeanor. even though he was surrounded by his friends, he couldn't help but think of you the same way you've been thinking of him. on times where the two of you were in the same lecture, he'd often glance at you typing away at your computer or rubbing your eyelids. he noticed the particular black underlines beneath your eyes. he noticed how clumsy you were nowadays, tripping over or dropping your books. he noticed how you bite on your nails and furrow your eyebrows when you can't solve an equation. he noticed them all.

he wanted nothing but to explain everything to you, to clear up the misunderstanding that's been going on for years, but something inside of him tells him it wasn't the right time. so he stuck to the one thing he was good at, admiring you from afar.

------------------------------------------------------

"y/n can you take these documents to professor lee? thank you!" one of your peers spoke from behind you, dropping a stack of heavy files on your arms and before you could retort back, he had already walked past you, slinging his arm on some random girl and walking away as you struggled to balance your books and the files you now had to deliver.

from the corner of your eye you could spot hanbin talking to his friends, you thought he didn't notice you but he felt your stare and unconsciously looked towards you. In a panic, you quickly averted your gaze but something had slipped in front of your feet making you trip on said object. the files you were once holding were now scattered on the floor, thankfully there weren't too many people around but still, your face flushed beet red out of embarrassment.

"oh god i'm so sorry!" a voice rang through your ears and suddenly there was a brunette kneeling in front of you, helping you pick up the files you dropped and standing up to offer you a hand.

you took his hand and stood up groaning from the pain. a sting was felt on your right knee and you sigh when you see a newly formed bruise, similar to the ones you used to get as a kid. the man in front of you also seemed to notice as he mumbled more apologies.

you finally looked up to the said man to see that it was one of the guys in hanbin's huge friend group, seok matthew.

"I'm so sorry, it's completely my fault i didn't see where the ball was going, please forgive me i'll do anything!" he bowed 90 degrees to you and put his hands together. you assumed he was a freshman like you from the way his overly polite attitude and you couldn't help but chuckle.

"it's okay, i was also at fault for not paying attention, just be more careful next time.. both of us that is." he looked back up, his eyes visibly relieved as he gave you a wide smile. he offered to help you carry the immensely heavy documents and gave you a band aid for the bruise on your knee.

you weren't sure, but from the corner of your eye you could see hanbin clenching his fists and his eyes held an emotion between sadness and anger, but you brushed it off as nothing as you continued your way to the professor lee's office with matthew.

------------------------------------------------------

you and matthew started hanging out more, he would accompany you when you were studying in the library, share you his lunch when you forget yours, and constantly follows you around. you didn't exactly mind his presence but everytime you looked at him you could only think of his friend, the thought of that made you feel guilty for matthew. he had done nothing wrong but you just can't seem to reciprocate his efforts to befriend you.

you were currently eating lunch and studying with your dorm mate in the dining hall. your head felt dizzier than usual, your eyes couldn't focus on the words written on your textbook, and to top it off there was still a stinging bruise on your right knee that you covered with some baggy jeans. suddenly, the chair in front of you creaked and you looked up to see matthew.

"hey, can i sit here?" he pointed at the seat across from you, smiling to you and your friend.

"umm, sure?" your friend responded as she continued to eat her food, paying him no attention as she was busy taking notes from your text book.

"y/n what's your next lecture?" matthew spoke as he put down his eating utensils, now gazing at you with a thin lipped smile.

"i think it's humanities and social science, why? are you also gonna be there?" you ask curiously as you put a spoonful of food in your mouth.

"oh what a shame.. mines art and culture, but i think my friend hanbin is also going to your lecture after this." you almost choked on your food only from mention of his name, gulping down your water to cover it up.

"that's great.. sorry matt but i think i should go now i have a lot of studying to do" you were lying, you were almost done revising the whole semester's lessons and the truth was you were planning to go to the bathroom or get some fresh air in hopes of easing up your head ache.

"wait, i'll walk you there since your hall is near mine." before you could take more steps, matthew appeared beside you with his usual bright smile.

you would feel even more guilty if you rejected him so you just nodded at him in response. While the both of you were walking, matthew constantly initiated small talk with you.

"how was your day?" you'd respond with a fine and ask him back.

"what were you studying before?" you showed him your textbook and he replied with an 'oh' while nodding.

you felt extremely bad for not reciprocating his bright energy like you usually could, but your feet were aching and the head ache got worse. you could barely think straight and you didn't want to hurt matthew's feelings so you used the last of your consciousness to look like you were enjoying his conversations.

but that was short-lived as he took notice of your obvious struggling.

"y/n are you okay? you're really pale and sweaty." he had stopped walking, going in front of you and holding onto your shoulders while one hand tried to check your temperature.

"no matt, i don't have a fever it's just a minor head ache it'll go away." before you could assure him with a smile, your body went limp and your eyes blacked out.

------------------------------------------------------

matthew who was standing in front of you thankfully caught you before you fell to the ground. he stood in panic, holding both of your shoulders and keeping you upright.

"y/n? hey are you okay? y/n!" he shook you a few times and seeing that you weren't responding he did the most logical thing he could think of, calling sung hanbin.

matthew sat you down on the floor with your back touching the wall, a few minutes passed after the 10 second phone call with him and hanbin and for a moment matthew thought his friend wouldn't even show up. but he was wrong, hanbin rushed out of his lecture room, the one you were also supposed to be in as he ran to the location matthew told him.

when he arrived, the first thing he saw was your limp body leaning on the wall. hanbin wasted no time and picked you up bridal style, he even forgot about the existence of his friend that called him there.

"hyung! I'll take her to the infirmary, just lead me there." matthew stopped his tracks, holding his wrist as his voice was stern.

"no it's fine i'll take her, just go to your next class matt." even though hanbin was slightly annoyed, he still smiled warmly to his friend.

"but i.. okay fine." matthew couldn't do much, he just accepted it and walked back to his class even though he was still worried about you.

the moment matthew started walking away, hanbin was already speeding across the campus heading to the infirmary. on his way there, he couldn't help the way his heart was beating abnormally fast. he was almost mad at himself for not taking action beforehand, why didn't he notice your symptoms earlier? could he have prevented this from happening? thoughts ran through his head as he was running hastily, his footsteps echoing the halls. People stared, but he simply didn't care.

upon arriving at the infirmary, hanbin gently laid you down on the beds and called a nurse to inspect you. a few moments later you fluttered your eyes, the light above you hitting your eyes making you squint. on your right you saw a figure of a man who seemed to be deep in thought, remembering the previous events, you called out to him.

"matthew?" you spoke in a low voice, squinting more to focus your eyes on the silhouette.

it was when you realized who it really was, you quickly averted your gaze. the boy seemingly sighed, bending down to be eye level with you before speaking.

"please look at me y/n." his voice was soft and gentle, as he was trying his best not to frighten you. you took notice and it made your heart almost melt.

but every muscle in you was rejecting the man's plea, his eyes were the reason you fell for him, his eyes were the reason why you were hurt when you realized you could never stare into them again. you feared that if you oblige, you might experience the same longing again, the same infatuation again, and of all the same hurt again.

carefully, hanbin placed the palm of his hand on top of yours, radiating a certain warmth that you missed so badly. the more he waited, the more his confidence faltered. you took notice of this from the way he gradually hung his head down more and more, now the both of you were staring at the floor in a tense atmosphere.

hanbin was about to retract his hand, but you've had enough of beating around the bush. you held him by the wrist before he could move one more inch, mustering up all the courage you never thought you had in you.

"explain." one simple word.

you didn't know where the confidence came from, maybe it was from seeing hanbin so defeated that it awoke something in you. you eyes finally met his, hoping the anxiety behind yours wasn't evident enough for him to see through.

the moment your eyes meet, the spark that was once lost in hanbin's eyes came back almost instantly. to you, his stare was deathly. accompanied by his endearing smile and whisker dimples, you were right, you definitely fell in love again.

his free hand reached yours as he put both of your hands inside his in a protecting manner. he caressed the back of your palm sweetly with his thumb before beginning to speak.

"first of all, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything." never once did he break eye contact with you, mumbling these words sincerely and you know he's going to mean everything he says.

"I'm going to be honest with you, 100%. during high school i messed up and i know that. i never meant to hurt you but i did and you don't know how many nights i spent thinking about it. no excuse could cover up my mistake but i'm going to tell you what really happened because you deserve to know."

"you know how my sister often has sport tournaments, one day fell when she was rock climbing so i had to check up on her. mom was too busy taking care of the cafe and dad was also severely ill at that time. one day, i received a call from mom telling me to go back home. at first, i thought i would just be staying for a few days but those days became weeks and those weeks became 3 years. areum fractured her right leg and someone had to take care of dad, i'm sorry if this feels too sudden for you, you don't have to forgive me but please just talk to me." you were stunned, but you had one last question.

"why didn't you reach out to me?" the question that kept you up at night, you hoped he'd continue to answer truthfully.

"because i was scared."

for the first time, he looked down at his lap. tears were starting to well up in your eyes, you were angry at his excuse but you held yourself back from lashing out and let him explain himself.

"i can't hold it anymore y/n, the truth is i like you, shit no i love you so so much. you don't know how nervous i was to tell you about my sudden leave, hell i could barely sleep at night. i was an asshole, the biggest jerk and i didn't deserve you. i thought it was impossible for you to like me back, so i left." a single tear slid down your cheeks, you were mad at him, so so mad but you couldn't do anything but let more tears fall down.

"fuck you." your fist hit his shoulder, he had his own pool of tears welling up but he continued let you hit his shoulder, chest, and arm as if he was accepting his punishment.

but you weren't that angry, you knew deep down that was what you would've done if you were in his position too. run away from your feelings, because that's what you also did.

you get off the bed and kneet down in front of him, the tears staining your cheeks with your nose becoming beet red. you were going to land another fist to his chest when his hand stopped you, pulling your wrist as you crashed into hanbin's chest and now sitting on his lap. he wasted no time but to embrace you, cradling your head with one of his palms as the other lays on the small of your back. you shut your eyes, breathing in his cologne as you bury yourself in the crook of his neck. hanbin had his head on top of yours, caressing your soft locks as he breathed in your scent.

you both stayed like that for a while, enjoying each other's embrace as the peaceful silence took over. slowly, you retracted your head from hanbin's neck and gazed into him before speaking.

"i hate you for the times you made me cry in my bed for nights on end, i hate you for leaving me behind so suddenly, i hate you for only explaining everything to me now. but i can't help but fall for you each and every time." you just finished crying but you feared if you continued further then you'd start crying into hanbin's chest again.

with your words, hanbin leaned closer until your noses were touching. his right hand coming up to cup your cheeks almost feather-like.

"may i?" you didn't verbally respond as you wasted no time to connect your lips with his.

the kiss was tender, soft, and compassionate as if your lips were molded together. those years of build up led to this, feeling a warmth erupt in your chest as you savored your first kiss. hanbin put his free hand on your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.

when you finally let go to catch some air, you stared into his eyes withholding all types of emotions but there was one particular emotion that stood out the most, love.

your eyes flicker to his face, seeing how he somehow became even more handsome. suddenly you understood all the hype about him, you smiled shyly feeling your face turn crimson red as you realize the position you were both in.

"oh uhm, sorry." hanbin muttered, his own face turning bright red as you got out of his lap.

"soo.. does that mean i'm your boyfriend now?" hanbin asked, biting his lip in anticipation while you were holding in a giggle.

"yeah.. i think." you answer timidly, as you were facing each other with a bigger distance this time.

you couldn't help the smile that crawled onto your face in response, hanbin's face copying yours. sitting on the ground of the infirmary, you two looked like a high school couple who just confessed their love to each other.

"oh, i have one more favor to ask!" hanbin chirped, looking a bit more serious this time.

"if you overwork yourself one more time, i'm breaking up with you." you knew he meant that in a playful way from the way he was holding in a smile.

"Yes sir, understood." you both erupt into a pit of giggles, enjoying each others company as minutes pass by.

you couldn't believe it, the campus heart throb was betrothed to you out of all people! it all felt unreal to you and hanbin felt the same way. the childhood best friend he'd been crushing on badly for years on end was finally his, suddenly he didn't care as much to become an idol because now his life revolved around you, the love of his life who made him fall in love over and over again.

chapter 2 - end

(yeouwch that took long to write im very sorry iv'e been really busy nowadays, i dont think this needs a chapter 3? tell me what you guys think tho!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!! it was insane i woke up to so many likes i jumped out of joy. also i'm going to start accepting requests you can just ask me what to write but im still new to tumblr so i might be a lil bad. i think that's all, once again thank u so much the support means EVERYTHING to me ilyy byee)

people who wanted to be tagged :

@wtfhyuck @ilovechanhee i hope you guys like it :))

[oleander-nin]

The Weight of a Letter(6)

A/N: Hah, we're getting somewhere now! Thanks so much to @/Yanteetle and @/faetaiity for your help(and for letting me rant about the story lol). I appreciate you both so much. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

Taglist? If you want to be added or removed, just say so: @ssak-i @sinister-things @ancreativename @t0ta11y-n0t-cup1d @idiotreblogger @whygz

Part 1 - Previous - Next

Words: 1689

Content warnings: Stalking, Paranoia, dark themes, self deprecating thoughts, anxiety(?), panic attack, bad writing

Chapter 6: A Surprising Visit

“Thanks again for letting me stay the night.” I say softly, pulling my backpack over my shoulders. After my discovery from the night before, I ran to Irma’s in a panic. She helped me go through my apartment and search for anything that might have been stolen or broken. We hadn’t found much, only some odd things being moved or shifted. Some of my clothing was gone too, my favorite pajama set having disappeared from my drawers. A chill goes down my spine at the thought. We called the police shortly after I discovered the break in and the officers inspected the apartment before leaving, only giving words of sympathy and a promise to patrol the area. It was just so comforting. I grimace at the thought of the smug officers and how they brushed off my concerns, assuming I was just imagining everything.

Irma hands me a bottle of water, smiling softly. “It was the least I could do. Are you sure you want to go to school though? I can tell you’re all worked up, and I don’t want anything to happen. I don’t mind you hanging out in my apartment, and I can pick up all your assignments.”

I chew on my cheek, thinking over her words. I had barely slept from the initial panic and I felt as if I’d keel over from nerves alone any minute. Staying home was incredibly tempting. I shudder at the thought of the crowded halls, my neck already prickling from the phantom feeling of eyes boring into me. Irma was right, going somewhere would only make everything all the more stressful. As much as I hated being alone, being in a large crowd of people would be much worse.

“I think I’ll stay here.” I mumble out, letting my backpack fall back to the floor. Irma nods, her face pulled taut in sympathy. I knew everything was weighing on her just as much as it was me. Dragging her into this wasn’t my intention, but I had no one else to turn to. Hopefully she would forgive me once this was all over.

I watch Irma’s unshaved hair fall into her face as she nods, her hand reaching up to tuck them back behind her ear. She reaches out and rests her hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. “You’re safe here. I won’t let anything get to you. Once my dad’s back from his recent job, he said he’d stay around and keep an eye on you. I won’t let anything hurt you, I promise.”

I look into Irma’s dark eyes, watching as the concern and worry swirl in her irises. She was never one to hide her emotions, always wearing her heart on her sleeve. It was one of my favorite things about her because I could always tell when she was being genuine. I lift my hand and rest it on hers, nodding.

“I believe you. Now get out of here before you’re late you dork.” I force a smile on my face as the teasing words leave my mouth. Irma’s face brightens considerably and she pulls me into a tight hug. I wrap my arms around her taller form, the lanky girl hunched as she hugs me.

“We’re going to figure this out. Together.” Her whispered words rotate through my head, knocking away my doubt. I hang onto her, frozen. Having Irma trucking through this with me was everything, and her confirming she would stay by my side made everything all that much easier to deal with. I felt tears well up in my eyes from the gratitude I felt, Irma squeezing me tightly. “I love you, and I’m here for you. I’m not letting you do this alone.”

Irma lets go after I mumble an ‘I love you’ back, carefully slinging her bag over her shoulder. Her hand rests on the doorknob and she turns back to look at me. “Call me if anything happens, and call the police if you need to as well.”

My head bobs robotically as she leaves, the door locking behind her. I stand awkwardly in the foyer, patting my thighs. I didn’t know what to do. TV is an option, as is lying on the couch while playing on my phone, but I quickly shake those options out of my head. Laying around wouldn’t help, I needed to get my mind off things. I look around the apartment, turning with each step. Irma and I made a bit of a mess last night, and everything was in a disorganized state. I grimace. Both Irma and Tony were very neat people and most of the mess was my fault.

I square my shoulders, picking up around the apartment and starting to clean. It would give me something to do to keep my mind off things. I lean over the back of the couch and grab the remote, switching the TV on. I flick through the channels until I find the news station I preferred, letting the spokesperson ramble on so I could have background noise. I set the remote down on the arm of the couch, making my way through the apartment and continue tidying the living spaces. 

I try to ignore the fatigue seeping into my chest, sitting on my shoulders and weighing me down. My ears pick up a small clang and I jump, whipping my head around. My eyes are wide as they sweep the apartment. I just placed everything down, so I would know if it moved. I move back to the couch and switch the TV off, straining my ears to hear something else. My eyes flicker between the different exits of the apartment before settling back on the blanket I was folding. I grip the blanket tightly as I chew on my cheek, mentally scolding myself for being so jumpy.

“Calm down, it was just a pipe, this building is old.” I mumble under my breath, finishing folding the blanket as I try to ignore my bunched nerves. My eyes glance at the window the fire escape is attached to. If needed, I could run there and leave. I hear another noise and my muscles lock, my hands starting to shake. I make slow, delicate movements as I back away from the middle of the room, my breathing starting to quicken. I pull my phone out of my pocket, nearly dropping the device from my trembling hands. I try to thumb in the password, my chest tightening with each failed attempt. The phone locks and I shout a curse, throwing it across the room. It hits the wall before dropping to the floor with a pathetic clatter. It was definitely broken. 

I stumble backwards until my back hits the wall, trying to control my breathing. I slide down the smooth surface, curling my knees to my chest and burying my face into them. Why did this have to happen now? I start to quietly sob, the world feeling too much.

A hand finds itself in my hair, pulling harshly at the coarse strands. I let my tears fall, not bothering to try and wipe them away. With my heart racing and breath quickening, The world slowly started to crash around me. Nails continue to claw at my scalp, digging harshly into my head. I let out a choked sob, my chest tightening painfully. My hand falls from my head to my legs, my arms reaching across my folded limbs in a hug. My teary eyes flicker between the windows and the door, my brain urging my body to run. I gasp for air, rocking myself in an attempt to calm. I sit my chin on my knees, my lip trembling as I hold back tears. I needed to get it together. 

I laugh pitifully at myself, squeezing my eyes shut. Here I was, sitting in my best friend's apartment by myself, having a mental breakdown over a pipe creaking. ‘How pathetic.’ My brain hisses, my body still rocking back and forth. I bury my head back into my knees, trying to force my lungs to take in air. Everything was fine. I was overreacting over a simple, normal, everyday thing. I take a deep breath, wiping my eyes. I was okay. I open my eyes and drift my vision slowly over the room, taking everything in. It was all as I had left it. It was all still there.

I lean my head against the wall, my hands patting rhythms into my knees. My nerves were still jittery, and I was still on edge. A scream escapes me when a loud crash sounds from the fire escape, my body jumping in panic before crashing to the floor. I sit up, eyes wide as saucers as I examine the window for the escape. Unable to see properly, I carefully inch forward, picking up a blanket on the way. I unravel the folded blanket, hoping to throw it over the head of the possible attacker to confuse them. I peer out the window, looking for what could have caused the noise.

My jaw drops as I see two turtle mutants entangled on the metal platform, both bickering about something. My eyes shine in recognition as I look at the one in purple, his drawn on eyebrows widening in what I assumed was fear before it transformed into something else. We stare at each other for a moment, the blue one looking down at the purple in confusion. The purple turtle was the same turtle from the junkyard. I drop the blanket, quickly unlatching the window and pushing it up, sticking my head out to look down at them. My mouth tries to form words, to convey my sympathy for their fall, but only a small squeak comes out.

The two fallen mutants groan when they try to move, the blue-masked one laying atop the other. The red-marked turtle looks up at me, adjusting himself so has his cheek resting in his hand, his elbow digging into the other's shell. A small grin comes onto his face, his dark eyes shining mischievously. “Hiya. Come here often?”

[ladykailitha]

Oh For a Muse of Fire! Part 17

This is technically the end, with a cute little epilogue featuring an interview with the Corroded Coffin boys two years later.

As I said before this part gets a little spicy. No actual sex, but they do get naked, and the talk is a little steamy. If you scroll to the first * in the story you’ll bypass it.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9 Part 10  Part 11 Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16

*

How they made it to Eddie’s apartment without combusting Steve would never know. Because he would swear that he came close on more than one occasion.

“Eddie,” Steve moaned as they managed to get the door closed behind them. “I need...I need...”

Eddie wrapped his hands in Steve’s hair. “What do you need, babe?” He pressed his lips to Steve’s jaw.

“You,” Steve stuttered.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Eddie purred into his neck. “You have all of me.” He kissed a little further down when Steve froze. Eddie looked up and then back down to where he was kissing. “Too close?”

Steve turned away and nodded shamefully.

Eddie used his finger to gently glide Steve’s face back to face him. “It’s okay. We do what feels comfortable for you.”

“It’s just...” Steve began. “It’s just that it’s supposed to feel good, but because of the damaged tissue, I don’t feel anything. And my last couple partners were disappointed.”

“May I?” Eddie indicated with his finger to touch the scar.

Steve nodded.

Eddie ran his finger over the white streak. And Steve shuddered.

“Oh!”

Eddie chuckled. “That’s what I thought. Nerves are a weird and wild thing. Sometimes you can go years without feeling anything and then suddenly it can. I think that’s what happened here.” He continued to stroke the soft line around Steve’s neck.

“Eddie...” Steve moaned.

“Does that feel good, Stevie?”

He nodded.

“Can I kiss it?” Eddie breathed, his lips mere inches from the scar.

He nodded again.

Eddie smirked and then pressed his mouth on the scar. Lips and tongue moving across the line.

Steve let out a moan as he clung to Eddie, his knees threatening buckle. He had never felt like this ever. Not before his attack and certainly not after.

“Sunshine,” he moaned. “If we don’t move this to the bedroom, I going to come right here, right now.”

Eddie chuckled into his ear. “This way, then my liege.” He backed away from Steve, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.

Steve followed willingly, his eyes wide with wonder and hunger. He had been imagining this for weeks. Even before Eddie had gone full nude. He wanted this so much. It made his cock ache with wanton desire.

But as they got through the door, he froze again.

“Shit, my scars,” he whimpered.

Eddie rubbed his wrists. “What about them? Is it touch? Taste?” He winked at Steve with that one and got a surprise chuckle.

“Seeing them, mostly,” he admitted shyly.

“We can work with that, Stevie,” he murmured. He turned on the bedside lamp and then turned off the overhead light. He gently steered Steve over to the bed and sat him down.

“Now you can leave the shirt on if makes you feel better or...”

Steve gulped. “Or?” It wasn’t panic that clawed at his throat, but anticipation.

“Or you can take off your shirt and lie on your back,” Eddie whispered suggestively.

Steve’s eyes went wide. “Oh. Usually I’m on top...so I can make sure they don’t see my scars...”

“Sound like plan, babe?” Eddie asked with a teasing grin.

Steve nodded. “Yeah.”

Eddie kissed the top of his hair. “Now if anything freaks you out, you let me know and we’ll stop, okay?”

Steve nodded and let Eddie strip him. Eddie laid him on the bed gently and then took off his own clothes.

Steve’s eyes raked over Eddie’s body and licked his lips.

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Babe, this isn’t anything you haven’t seen before.”

Steve’s eyes snapped up to Eddie’s face, a dark blush on his cheeks, highlighted by the warm light of the lamp. “Never this close and never right before I get to touch you.”

Eddie let out a moan. “Sweetheart, the way you just say shit like that. Like you mean it. Like you want me forever.”

Steve pulled him close until Eddie was leaning over him. “It’s because I do. So, so much, Sunshine.”

Eddie kissed him searing and soft. “Oh, Stevie, I’m going to rock your world.”

“I can’t wait.”

*

Afterwards when they were both sated and Steve had put back on his shirt and nothing else, Eddie pulled out his acoustic guitar.

“Score another point for Robin,” Steve said with a chuckle. “She said you were writing me love songs this whole time.”

Eddie laughed. “You painted a masterpiece as your love confession. Leave me mine.”

Steve wrapped his arm around him and tucked his chin over Eddie’s shoulder. “This isn’t going to impede you in anyway is it?”

Eddie shook his head and began to play and sing. He worked his way through about five songs before he had to stop.

“Eddie...” Steve whispered. “I love you so much and those were amazing. And you say you have more of them?”

Eddie nodded shyly, shoving his hair into mouth to hide his blush.

“I’m so glad someone saw your worth as a singer and songwriter, Eds,” Steve murmured into his neck. “I really think you’re going to go so far.”

Eddie leaned back and twisted his neck to capture Steve’s lips with his own. “I owe so much of this to you, babe. You’ve been my muse as much if not more than I’ve been yours.”

Steve gently took the guitar from him and set down out of the way. He pressed Eddie back against the pillows and began kissing him, slow seductive.

It was awhile before they were cognizant of the world again.

*

With school out for Steve and Eddie at loose ends, they were spending a lot of time together.

“Argh...” Robin grunted at them being all gooey eyed at other. “If I didn’t get a girlfriend out this deal I’d throw water on you at every opportunity. You two are disgustingly cute.”

Eddie gave Steve a dramatic kiss on the cheek with a loud mwah! Steve laughed.

“Sorry, Robin,” he murmured. “I love my super cute, outrageously dramatic rock star boyfriend.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. But never forget, Munson, I know how this relationship started and if you hurt Steve like that again, I meant what said the day of the seizure.” Robin leaned in really close. “No one will find your body.”

Steve pushed Robin playfully. “We are all past that now. He hurt me, I dislocated his jaw. It’s all water under the bridge.” He kissed her cheek. “I do love it when you get all protective though.”

Robin blushed and pushed him back. “I’d do anything for you, dingus.”

*

Steve got his own version of the shovel talk. But it didn’t come from Chrissy or Wayne like he expected. It came from Jeff.

“I like how happy you make Eddie,” Jeff said, one night after band practice.

Steve had come to pick Eddie afterward so that they could go see a movie when Jeff cornered him.

“But know this as his main lyric and cord checker,” Jeff said, his voice dropping menacingly. “I will know before you do if there is trouble in paradise.”

Steve gulped and nodded.

Jeff pounded him the back and said with a lopsided grin, “So let’s keep those lyrics nice and chipper, shall we?”

Steve nodded harder. “I love him so much. I think it would kill me if something ever happened between us.”

Jeff pursed his lips. “I suppose that’s true. You can only do your best. I just wanted you to know, I’m keeping my eye on you.”

“Duly noted.”

*

Murray was pleased as hell when Eddie called him to let him know he would be seeking lodgings with Steve instead of the band.

“Finding a place for three young men in their mid-twenties is easier than four,” he had explained. “But why I don’t you let me help out with you and Stevie’s arrangements, too? It wouldn’t be a hardship after all, I’m already scouring the real estate ads.”

So after talking with Steve they agreed. Originally Steve was going to sleep on the couch of his host teacher those first couple of weeks until he found a place, but this was better.

One day at the beginning of July just before the holiday Murray called them to go look at places. So the five of them loaded up in Steve’s beemer and drove out to Chicago. They all took turns driving, shotgun rotating as well.

For the Corroded Coffin boys it was easy. Though they looked at all three places Murray had picked out for them, they had decided on the first one.

Steve and Eddie were a little harder. They both had very specific needs with Eddie needing a place he could go write and Steve needed a place he could grade papers and for the first year, do homework.

Finally at the last place Murray had picked out, they found it. It was a lovely little three bedroom house with two bedrooms upstairs and an office downstairs. The downstairs office would be converted to a sound studio and the upstairs bedroom would be an office for Steve. And a sometime guest bedroom if they had friends drop by.

It had a nice roomy kitchen and two bathrooms. It was perfect.

“This one,” Steve murmured.

Eddie nodded. “Yeah. Murray, this is perfect.”

Murray was the phone in an instant making the offer. “You’ll need to come by on Monday to sign the papers, but everything else I’ll take care of.”

Eddie turned to Steve. “There’s just one more thing to decide on.”

Steve looked up at him in confusion. “What’s that?”

“Where are we putting your painting of me?” Eddie’s grin was feral.

“The studio of course,” Steve said as if it was a given. “It’s yours now. And plus...” he leaned in real close so Murray couldn’t hear, “it’s where I intend to make you scream as I fuck you.”

Eddie pursed his lips. “Yup. Absolutely. Definitely going in the studio.”

Murray laughed. “I can’t wait for the honeymoon stage to be over. You too are revoltingly cute.”

*

Their going away party was held at the Queen’s Crown. Diamond had even closed the place down on a Saturday to throw it. Everyone was there. The Corroded Coffin boys, Wayne, Joyce and both her boys, Jim Hopper, Dustin, Robin, Chrissy, the rest of the Queen’s Crown crew. Even Amethyst made a rare appearance.

The party was in full swing, music blasting from the club’s speakers, when Diamond pulled Steve aside.

“I just wanted to give you something before you left,” he told him.

Steve frowned. “You don’t have to give me a gift, Diamond. Working for you was a privilege, I hope you know that.”

Diamond smiled. “I bet you’ve always wondered why I called you Garnet and never ‘upgraded’ you.”

Steve gave him a lopsided grin. “I always assumed it was because I flirted with your daughter my first week, if I’m honest.”

He laughed. “Oh, no, that was one hundred percent Miranda’s fault. She was hitting on you first.”

Steve’s eyes went wide and he leaned his head forward. “I knew it!”

Diamond laughed again, harder. “She’s not even with that guy anymore. Had I known that’s what you were worried about, I would have told you sooner. But no, Steve. That’s not why I called you Garnet.”

“So why did you?” Steve asked.

“Because there are few stones as hard as a garnet and they come in a wide range of colors and shines. You never needed to be ‘upgraded’ because you were already the best stone you could be.”

Steve’s eyes welled up. “Oh.”

Diamond pulled a small black velvet box out his jacket pocket and handed it to him.

Steve opened the box to find two beautifully crafted rings both inset with filigree sides. One was a dark grey, the other was red.

“I know it’s a little early for you boys to be thinking of marriage,” Diamond said, clearing his throat. “But they’re both garnets. I think you can figure out which one is for whom.”

Steve nodded. “Thanks, Diamond. They’re lovely.”

Diamond gave him a huge hug. “Take care yourself out there, Steve. And just know you’ll always have a home right here at the Queen’s Crown.”

Steve hugged him back.

They both went back to the party and Steve immediately snuggled up to Eddie’s side.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Eddie asked.

Steve smiled up at him. “Never better, Sunshine. Never better.”

Epilogue

Tag List: @artiststarme @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @itsall-taken @m-owo-n @zerokrox-blog @runyousillydetective @grimmfitzz @wonderland-girl143-blog @sapphirecobalt-1 @scheodingers-muppet @victor-thee-corvid @apricottree @bookbinderbitch @sleepyboosstuff @biatcgh @pixiefallingupthestairs @grtwdsmwhr @thepainisspicy @carlyv @eboyawstenn @bisexualdisastersworld @bidisastersworld @abstractnaturaldisaster @evix-syne666 @nerdsconquerall @lololol-1234 @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @a-little-unsteddie @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @elluminis @tailsfromthecrypt @danili666 @plyerice27 @alittlegreyfish  @n0-1-important @no-upper-limit-to-stupidity @maya-custodios-dionach @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @heaven428 @thedragonsaunt @ceaselessly-watching @imfinereallyy @messrs-weasley @sharingisntkaren @nohomoyesbi

[formulauno98]

Once Upon a Time in France | Chapter Eight // Part Two

Life is funny, the way it can turn on its head in a matter of seconds. Sometimes it happens naturally, sometimes it's helped along by friends or foes, and in your case, it would be the latter.

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: Angsty angst (Sorry guys!)

Author’s Notes: Disclaimer, purely fiction, no-one is married in this alt-universe.

SATURDAY AM

Following your x-rated beach romp, you and Toto had decided it was wise to spend the night apart as your motorhomes were so far away from each other and yours was in sight of prying eyes, aka Lara. You tossed and turned all night, having gotten used to falling asleep in the comfort of Toto’s arms, so when you woke early on Saturday morning you felt anything but refreshed.

Rubbing your eyes, you leant across your bed to reach for your phone where it was charging. Three new messages.

(08:03) Morning my love. The FIA has called a meeting so I can’t go yet. I promise I will go afterwards. I hope you are okay and got some sleep. X

(08:10) Actually I will go now. X

(08:21) Ignore that, Stefano caught me. I am so sorry I know you are worried. X

You knew it was going to be tricky this morning and sighed as you considered the possible consequences of last night's actions. Surely a one-time slip-up was not going to get you pregnant, and as he said, Toto was a slightly older man, but then again stranger things had happened.

You typed out a reply.

Morning, hope you slept okay too. No worries, I will ask around in the medical centre just in case. Don’t panic xx

Groaning as you got out of bed, you quickly got ready for the day, trying your best to cover up the dark circles that had appeared under your eyes. So much for a romantic getaway and relieving stress.

———

As you strode through the paddock towards the medical centre, you prayed you wouldn’t run into anyone you knew. For once luck was on your side and you made it unscathed and uninterrupted to the small motorhome normally reserved for injured drivers or mechanics who had had an accident.

Knocking awkwardly on the door, you hoped someone would be there already. 

“Come in.” called out a voice from inside. 

Opening the door, you took a deep breath. “Hi, how are you?” you said to the woman sitting inside the trailer.

“Very well thank you, how can I help?”

Suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable, you shifted nervously, “Well… the thing is, I was wondering if you happen to have the morning-after pill?”

The woman’s eyes widened in surprise, it was obviously not a common request during race weekend.

“Oh.” she said, taken aback, “Let me see. I’m not sure if we do to be totally honest.”

She busied herself at the shelving unit behind where she had been sat, rifling through boxes and boxes of pills and potions.

“Ooh you’re in luck,” she said, pulling out a dusty-looking box.

“For real?” you thanked whatever Gods were currently watching over you.

“Hang on, hang on, I think it’s out of date.” she said, scanning the box, “I’m so sorry, you can’t take it if it’s expired, it won’t work.”

“Shit.” you said under your breath, “Do you think anywhere nearby will have them?”

The woman grimaced, “To be honest no, but I could ask the paramedics to bring some when they come up later?”

Your eyes lit up, “Oh my gosh if you could that would be amazing! Can I leave you my phone number?”

“I can’t promise but I will try.” the woman said kindly, “Sure, let me grab a pen and paper and I’ll call you if they bring them.”

You quickly scrawled your number on the post-it note, thanking the woman profusely for her help before making your way back towards the Mercedes hospitality area. Hopefully, it meant that you would be okay. Not sure if Toto was still in the FIA meeting you decided to drop him a text.

Good news, I went to the medical centre and they’re going to get it for me. Panic over xx

As you walked along you felt your phone buzz. He was obviously out of the meeting.

Good 

From the length of his text, perhaps he was still in the meeting. A weight off your mind, you felt much better about the day before you as you made your way up to your office.

“Morning Y/N.” It was a joy to see the friendly face of Rosie as you walked through the hospitality area.

“Hey Rosie, how are you?” you said, stopping to chat for a minute.

“Good thanks, George is being a weirdo though,” she said, her pretty face screwed up.

“What, how come?” you said, concerned as she’d never complained to you about her normally doting boyfriend.

“I don’t know. He didn’t want me to stay in his motorhome last night,” she said, her eyes looking like they were on the brink of tears.

“Aw no Rosie,” you said, slipping an arm around her shoulders, “I’m sure he was just getting into the racing mindset.”

“But we always stay together now,” she said sadly.

A sudden thought hit you, “I wonder, his motorhome is more or less attached to Toto’s. Maybe he was uncomfortable with it?”

Rosie’s eyes lit up, “Oh, maybe! But Toto wouldn’t say anything,” she lowered her voice, “Especially not when you’re there.”

“I wasn’t actually,” you said absentmindedly.

“Really?” asked Rosie.

“I promise. We both needed a rest,” you said tactfully.

“Oh, ok, this makes me feel better,” she said, looking much happier than she had done a moment ago.

“Happy to help. Honestly, I’m sure that’s it,” you said reassuringly.

“Thanks, Y/N. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she said, smiling.

“Probably more of your job,” you said laughing. “Right, I have to go and actually work, I’ll see you 

around okay?”

“See you,” Rosie said as you made your way towards the stairs up to your office.

———

The morning flew by, full of endless calls and emails. But you still hadn’t heard a peep from Toto. Starting to get concerned, you were about to drop him a text when he came bursting into your office.

“Well hello stranger,” you said smiling, your face immediately dropping as you saw his thunderous expression.

“Did you not see?” he asked exasperatedly.

“See what?” you asked, wondering what could have him in such a panic. Was it a car emergency? Was 

one of the drivers sick?

Toto sat down on your small sofa, his head in his hands. “Sky.”

“Sky?” you repeated. “They’re normally okay, what happened?”

“Christian,” he said. 

At this point you were concerned, Toto had a temper but this wordless fury was something you’d never seen before.

“Toto, I know Christian’s a dick. What’s new?” you said.

As he’d been scrolling through his phone, Toto had found the clip he was looking for and silently passed it across the table. It was footage from after the FIA meeting. Sky had collared Toto and Christian and they were side by side looking deeply uncomfortable.

“So, any upgrades for this weekend Toto?” asked Johnny, the Sky reporter.

Just as Toto had opened his mouth to answer, Christian butted in, “Toto’s got himself a whole new ride, didn’t you hear Johnny?”

Although Johnny was off camera, you could tell that he was uncomfortable from his response, “What do you mean Christian?”

“He’s got a hot, young girlfriend following him around the paddock,” said Christian smugly.

Beside him, Toto looked beyond furious, as if he was trying his hardest not to punch Christian then and 

there.

Ever the professional, Johnny replied, “That’s interesting Christian, but I think our viewers are more interested in Mercedes’ performance for the weekend as opposed to Toto’s. No offence Toto, I’m sure your new girlfriend is a lovely woman. Lucky lady!”

Pausing the video, you interjected, “This is not so bad Toto! Johnny handled it well.”

“No, there’s more,” said Toto glumly.

Playing the video once more, Christian quipped back “But Johnny you know her!”

“Do I?” asked the confused reporter.

“Yes, she’s their Director of Communications, Y/N, the one who’s always on Toto’s arm.” 

You could see Toto sitting across from you, balling his fists in silent rage, while on the video he looked livid once again.

To give him his due, Johnny tried to save the situation, “Well that’s lovely. Congratulations Toto, so I’ll try one more time. What upgrades have you brought?”

Stopping the video you sat back in your chair, feeling sick to your stomach.

“Fuck.” you said, looking at Toto.

“Fuck indeed,” he said. “I want to kill Christian.”

“Me too,” you said. “What is actually wrong with that man?”

Toto just shook his head, too angry to speak. As if on cue, your phone suddenly buzzed multiple times. It was the Comms Team Whatsapp group, blowing up as they had all seen the interview.

What’s this about you and Toto? 

OMG! Is this true?

Wtf is he on about?

“Fuck.” you exclaimed, once again, looking at Toto pleadingly. “It’s my team, all asking if it’s true.”

Toto sighed, rubbing his forehead, a nervous tic that always emerged when he was feeling the pressure. “Let me think for a moment.”

Sitting there awkwardly, you began to scroll through your email when a new one pinged through. It was from Pamela from HR, asking you to meet her on Monday. She’d obviously seen the video too and was not happy. 

“HR wants to see me on Monday,” you said fearfully.

“For real?” he replied, “Don’t talk to them I will.”

‘Toto…” you started.

“Don’t. It’s not fair for them to take it out on you,” he said, his eyes now full of concern. “I don’t say this often but I own a third of the team. What are they going to say to me?”

“That’s true.” you said, “Although now I have to handle this with our team and the media.”

Toto stood up, crossing over to where you sat, bending down to meet you at eye level, and taking your hands in his. “Look Y/N, it will be okay. We can downplay it with the team and I will take care of HR so you don’t need to worry?”

“Sure.” You said, “I hate that man.”

“Me too.” said Toto, leaning forward to nuzzle your neck, “I don’t want him to ruin things before they even have a chance to begin.”

“Me neither,” you said, kissing him softly square on the lips.

“Don’t worry, I will fix this.” he said, breaking the kiss, “I had better go. Let’s reconvene in the garage later.”

“Thank you,” you said.

———

Unlike your usual confident self, this situation had reduced you to hiding in your office for the rest of the morning, dreading the moment you had to walk into the garage later on. You knew eyes would be on you and Toto as Sky interviews tended to gain the most traction amongst the paddock.

Your phone had continued to blow up all morning, the only saving grace being that thankfully the news seemed to be very much contained within the Formula One microcosm so you had yet to face any scrutiny from your family and friends.

When the time came to make your way down, you stood up, straightening your team shirt and took some deep breaths. Nothing had really changed and you had to remember your trusty mantra, as the saying goes, today's news is tomorrow's chip paper. Hoping that qualifying would gloss over this bump, you got moving.

Entering the garage you were absolutely correct in your fears that eyes would be on you. Engineers who never normally blinked all did a double take, curious to see what all the fuss was about. Fortunately, Lewis came to your rescue.

“Hey Y/N, how's it going?” he said, hooking an arm over your shoulder in some kind of side hug.

“Good thanks, well… I’ve had better days. How are you?” you asked, managing a smile for the charming driver.

“Ah, don’t worry, people don’t care that much,” he said, aware of exactly what was bothering you.

“Tell that to HR,” you said quietly.

“HR?” Lewis’ eyebrows shot up, “Can’t Toto like overrule them?”

You smiled weakly, “That’s what he said.” 

“Yeah he will, don’t worry.” said Lewis, “I need to go and see the big man, want to go together so it’s less weird?”

Really appreciative of Lewis’ ability to navigate any social situation you nodded, following him through the maze of engineering equipment strewn around.

“Hey boss!” said Lewis, clapping his hands on the back of Toto’s shoulders where he sat hunched over a monitor, glowering.

Turning around Toto looked surprised to see you alongside Lewis. “Hello.” was all he managed.

“You okay?” asked Lewis, clearly concerned for his normally confident boss.

“Yes, sorry,” said Toto, turning back around to face the monitor.

Exchanging a puzzled look with you Lewis added, “I came over to ask you about this upgrade package.”

Tuning out their technical discussion your eyes swept the garage. Maybe Lewis was right and people really didn’t care. No one was giving you a second look, maybe all was well.

“Y/N.” you snapped out of your thoughts as Tom approached you, “Can I have a word?”

“Hi Tom,” you said somewhat robotically, “Sure, but I do have a lot to go through with this lot. Is it urgent?”

Looking bashful Tom replied, “No no it can wait. Talk later.” As he walked off you could see his eyes going back and forth between you and Toto. 

———

You weren't surprised, you knew that the team would be curious about your newly revealed relationship and Tom was always the first to find out gossip. As much as you felt guilty for keeping them in the dark, another part of you thought about the fact that the relationship was still very new and it would be extremely awkward at this point if it weren't to work out. Deciding to bite the bullet, you settled down on the stool beside Toto.

“Hey,” you said.

Toto flicked his head around quickly, barely acknowledging you with a quick “Hi” before going back to studying his monitor. On any other occasion his innate awkwardness would have made you laugh but today it felt as if it was apt.

SATURDAY PM

As qualifying got underway Toto barely took a second glance at you, something that as much as you wouldn't want to admit it put you out. He was always normally sneaking glances in the garage and the fact that now he was actively avoiding you was almost insulting. To make matters worse Lara had decided to come and sit down in the garage and you could feel her mean eyes boring into your back. You still couldn't understand her problem and you were absolutely sure that it ran deeper than just the fact that Toto had seen with the engineer. But that was another issue for another day.

Unfortunately, the day was going from bad to worse as you could see that Lewis and George were both struggling during qualifying. You knew it was especially bad when Bono, normally the world's calmest man, looked like he was about to panic. He was looking thoroughly perturbed by the results that he was seeing on his monitor and was struggling to keep cool on the radio as he spoke to Lewis.

Ultimately neither of the drivers made it out of Q2, a disappointing result for the team and one that definitely was not going to help Toto's bad mood. As the two drivers came in, hanging their heads in shame, you tried to get a little nearer to Toto to see to gauge what he wanted to do next. However, in the place of your normally warm boss turned boyfriend, you were met with a cold shoulder. He dismissed you every time you tried to get his attention, at one point spinning around so that his back was to you.

Pissed off by the way he was acting, you silently slid off of your stool and made your way over to Tom.

“Hey Tom, what was it that you wanted to speak about earlier?” you asked, still glancing over at Toto who looked positively raging.

Looking nervous Tom stuttered, “Well, that interview this morning… what was that? Is it true?”

You sighed, lowering your voice, “Look, Toto and I are close. You know that. But what Christian said is not true. He was just trying to wind up Toto once again.”

Tom looked slightly relieved at the news, “Thank fuck for that!”

Surprised by his reaction, you asked, “Why?”

Tom also lowered his voice, sneaking glances across the garage, “Well, he’s… Toto. He’s old and grumpy as fuck. I like him a lot but I couldn’t imagine you two…”

You laughed, “Naw, he’s a big old softie really.”

Tom’s eyes lit up, “Oh my God, it is true!”

Crossing your arms, you protested, “Not at all! I just think he gets a bad wrap.”

“Sure sure,” said Tom unconvinced, his eyes still playing tennis between you and Toto, who was now snapping at a poor engineer who seemed to have done something to displease him, “Such a catch.”

“Tom..” you said warningly. “Don’t you have some sponsors to be looking after anyway?”

“They all left for the day.” he said smugly, “I came down here to make sure Ben and Louis got some content with Lewis drinking Monster Energy.”

“Well then, maybe you should be doing that,” you said coldly, not thrilled with the way Tom was speaking to you, his manager.

He looked surprised by your cool tone but nodded in agreement, “Right boss. See you later.”

Your eyes still on Toto, you barely acknowledged Tom leaving your side. Thankfully, Sophie appeared as if from nowhere, always eager to help.

“Hi Y/N.” she said cheerily, her enthusiasm never going down, “How’s everything?”

“Great thank you,” you said, trying to buoy your mood.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Sophie asked eagerly.

“Yes actually, I have a few potential sponsors coming down tomorrow and I’d love to gift them some team merchandise, could you please organise this with Mo? I’ll forward you the email.”

“Sure,” said Sophie brightly, “Y/N, can I ask you something?”

Sighing, you braced yourself for a repeat of the conversation that you’d just had with Tom.

“Of course,” you said, trying to remain level-headed.

“Do you think I could invite a friend to a race soon?”

This was not what you were expecting at all, “Oh my gosh, of course, let me know which race and you can have some of my paddock pass allowance.”

Sophie looked thrilled, “Really? Thank you so much, you’re the best boss!”

Smiling, you replied, “Just let me know when.”

“Thank you, thank you!” she exclaimed, “Also, I hope this is not out of line but…”

“You saw the Sky interview?” you interjected.

“Yes,” she said meekly.

“Christian Horner is always looking for ways to wind up Toto. If you pardon my French, he was talking shit. As usual.”

Sophie looked a little shocked, “Oh. Okay, that makes sense, but isn’t that slander?”

“I suppose,” you said nonchalantly, knowing full well you couldn’t accuse him of that.

“That’s so weird of him.” She said, “Toto looks so angry, I’ve never seen him like this.”

You shrugged, “He gets like this sometimes.”

Sophie grimaced, “Well, good luck for your meeting with him. I will go back and sort the gifting for you.”

“Thanks, Sophie,” you said, grateful for your assistant. As annoying as she could be sometimes, her 

heart was in the right place and you were growing fonder of her by the day.

———

As you waited in Toto’s office for your usual post-qualifying debrief, you were nervous. He hadn’t ever been this cold towards you and you hoped beyond hope that Christian hadn’t ruined everything. The clock ticked on, and by the time he stormed in, he was twenty minutes late, again something very unlike him.

“Hi,” he said, taking his seat across from you and whipping out his iPad.

“Well hello to you too,” you said, put out by his abrupt tone.

“Sorry. I am just not in the mood,” he said, his shoulders tense as he furiously typed something on his iPad.

‘Okay.” you said, sensing that maybe it was time to go, “I can leave you in peace?”

Toto sighed, “No I don’t want that. Sorry”

“It’s okay, to be honest, what is there to say?” you said.

“Lots.” he said, slamming his iPad shut, “I’ve had the Board on the phone, they’re pissed.”

Your mouth dropped open, “The Board?”

“Yes.” he said wearily, “They’re not happy with me.”

“Fuck, Toto,” you said, not sure what to say.

“Indeed.” he said sharply, “After I spoke to HR, they told me that the Board requested they meet with you. Y/N they want you gone.”

Tears welling in your eyes, you thought about everything that had transpired, “Well. Then I guess we have no choice.”

Toto looked at you pleadingly, “No, we do. Pushing my feelings for you completely to one side, you are the best Director of Communications our team has ever had.”

“Well there have only been three...” you said, wiping away a tear.

“Oh shut up.” said Toto, “You’ve raised a hell of a lot of sponsorship money, appeased people who were going to jump ship and managed the press brilliantly. Not to mention onboarded new sponsors that no one else ever would have considered.”

Giving Toto a small smile, you replied, “Well all in a day's work.”

“Exactly, so I don’t see how they can let you go,” Toto said, reaching across his desk to take your hand in his. “You need to argue your case.”

“Okay,” you said weakly.

“Did anyone ask you about the interview?” Toto asked, his demeanour now shifted back to concerned boyfriend.

“A few people, how about you?” you gulped, trying to stop crying.

“Same.” Toto said, “Don’t cry please, I don’t like it when you cry.”

“You’ve never seen me cry, what are you on about?” you said, wiping another stray tear.

“Yes I have,” he said indignantly. “Remember in Baku?”

Casting your mind back, you remembered. You’d cried when you thought about all the things people would say if they found out about you and Toto. “Oh yes,” you said quietly. “I wasn’t wrong was I?”

“Shh.” said Toto, wiping away your tears with his thumb, “No one is saying anything like that. Bono said he didn’t believe it because you’re too good for the likes of me.”

Shaking your head, you replied shakily, “Bullshit.”

“He’s not wrong.” said Toto, “If you saw us in the street together, you’d think wow, lucky guy punching above his weight. He must be loaded or have a really big dick.”

Snorting with laughter, you replied, “Well then they wouldn’t be wrong.”

Toto rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t actually,” you said, your tears having dried up. “Toto, I love you for you, not for your money or your clout or your just slightly larger than average dick.”

“Just slightly larger than average?” Toto said, raising his eyebrow, “Shit, that hurts.”

“That’s what she said,” you said with a smirk. “Joking aside, you’re so kind, you’re so patient, you make everyone around you feel valued. These aren’t common traits, especially not in some bigshot 

businessman.”

Toto looked pleased with himself, “I try.”

“You succeed,” you said, leaning across and kissing him on the corner of his mouth.

“Okay, so we have a plan,” said Toto. “And if anyone asks about us in the meantime, denial is not just a 

river in Egypt?”

You burst out laughing, “Jesus, 1982 called, it wants its joke back. Yes, that’s what I’ve been doing all morning.”

Toto shook his head, “You’re so mean to me.”

SUNDAY PM

As disastrous as qualifying had been, it was nothing compared to the race itself. George had suffered damage to his front wing early on after a small collision and was stuck in P14 behind a DRS train. Lewis wasn’t faring much better and was trundling on at P5, a considerable gap to make up if he wanted a podium.

Morale in the garage was at an all-time low and despite your chat the previous afternoon, Toto had reverted back to his bad mood. You'd once again spent the night apart due to the inconspicuous sleeping arrangements so you'd hardly seen him until you'd arrived in the garage.

He had snapped at Sophie, something that you would be having a word with him about and grumbled at the catering team about his coffee being too hot. All in all, not the man you knew and loved.

By the time the race was coming to a close, George was still floundering at P9, having fought for a few measly points and Lewis continued to run his own race in no-man's land at P5. It was the worst performance of the season and a rare slip-up for your well-oiled team. Frustratingly Red Bull were P1 and P2, meaning they would gain a significant amount of points, letting them pull ahead further in the Constructors Championship.

As the two Mercedes crossed the chequered flag, the garage weakly applauded, more out of politeness than enthusiasm. You clocked that Toto wasn’t joining in, looking utterly dejected.

Knowing that Sky wanted to talk to him, you apprehensively made your way over.

“Hey boss,” you said weakly, careful not to give anything away once again as you knew that your colleagues were still deeply suspicious.

“Hello.” he said, “Sky wants me?”

“Yes.” you said, “Shall we go?”

“If I have to,” said Toto.

Behind him Bono caught your eye, winking at you before teasing. “Damn, Christian Horner is right, the sexual tension. It’s palpable.”

Smirking at the goofy race engineer you replied sarcastically, “I know right.”

Toto however, was not amused. “Bono now is not the time.”

“You’re right, sorry boss,” said Bono, catching your eye once again and making a face.

Toto strode off, leaving you struggling to catch up, almost having to pick up a light jog.

“Hey, slow down big man,” you said, as you finally caught him up.

“Sorry.” he said, “I just want this over and done with.”

Concerned as you’d never seen Toto so down in the dumps you tried to reassure him, “It’s fine, we had a shit weekend, it happens. At least we’re not Haas.”

Offering you a small smile, Toto seemed to rally around a little. “That’s true.”

You soon reached the Sky podium where Johnny, Jenson and Naomi, the three presenters, were eagerly waiting for Toto.

As the production team miked him up, you could feel their curious eyes on you, all having been present for yesterday’s interview. You looked nervously towards Toto who was studying the floor with great interest, clearly also apprehensive.

Fortunately, you needn’t have worried, Sky were always professional and without the addition of Toto’s arch nemesis, they stuck strictly to work-related questions. It seemed as if you had both panicked for nothing and ultimately people didn’t really care who a Team Principal shared his bed with.

They did, however, ask Toto for answers on why performance was so poor this weekend, something that he struggled to answer as the technical team were still trying to figure it out themselves. It wasn’t the worst interview but for sure not the best.

Just as Toto stepped down from the platform to give his mic equipment back, your phone buzzed.

Hello Y/N, it’s Sylvie from the Medical Centre. I am sorry but I did not manage to get your pill. I recommend you go to the doctor asap.

Trying not to betray your emotions, you hurriedly typed a reply and put your phone away as Toto said his goodbyes to the Sky team. 

Wandering back towards the Mercedes hospitality area your head was spinning. In the chaos of the weekend, you had totally forgotten about your morning-after pill debacle. You couldn’t remember off the top of your head but it had now been over twenty-four hours and you weren’t sure how long you had before it wouldn’t work.

“Everything okay?” asked Toto, sensing your mind was elsewhere.

“Yes thanks, that was good. Well done,” you said shortly.

“Are you sure?” he pressed.

“Yep. All good,” you said, forcing a smile.

Toto looked confused but ultimately gave up pushing and you made your way back through the throng of teams in comfortable silence.

You were nervous about the team debrief that was to follow the race but in a way grateful that the team’s poor performance would be the main topic of discussion.

“Y/N,” Toto suddenly turned to you as you made your way up the stairs towards your respective offices, “Don’t get upset but I have to go back to Monaco later.”

“Huh?” you said, surprised at this news. You had been due to take the jet back to the UK together with several colleagues. “How come?”

“Just some business,” he said mysteriously, not giving anything away.

“Okay, sure,” you said, not sure what to make of this. In the events of the race weekend, you’d almost forgotten about your impending meeting with HR and were suddenly nervous that you would be doing it without Toto in the office, let alone the country.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there for your meeting,” he said, starchily. “I will check in though.”

“Okay,” you said, surprised by his suddenly frosty attitude.

MONDAY AM

The flight back to the UK had been uneventful and you’d sat in silence as the team furiously picked apart the race data, trying to get to the bottom of why Lewis didn’t have the pace. You felt rough once again, not having slept a wink. Toto had left shortly after the debrief and you hadn’t heard a peep since. It was unlike him both on a personal and professional level and as much as you hated to admit it, it had deeply upset you.

The landing was smooth and as you made your way down the stairs and onto the tarmac, the doom of having to face HR really set in. 

“Everything okay?” asked Rosie as she made her way towards you. You would be sharing a car with her and George as you were all going straight to the factory.

“Yeah,” you said quietly, tears once again pooling in your eyes.

“No it’s not,” Rosie said kindly before turning around to her boyfriend who was also heading over 

“George, will you go with the guys? We have some work things to chat about.”

Looking put out at being dismissed by his girlfriend, George shrugged and replied, “Sure, see you 

later.”

“Thanks,” you said, sliding into the back seat of the car, Rosie following suit.

“So what’s up?” Rosie asked kindly.

You sighed, “I don’t even know where to start.”

“At the beginning maybe?”

“Very funny,” you said, rolling up the privacy partition so that your driver wouldn’t overhear.

“Oh that kind of story?” said Rosie, knowing that whenever the partition went up, something was afoot.

“Ugh, so did you see the Sky interview with Toto and Christian on Saturday?”

“Yes, wait is that what you’re worried about? C’mon, it was Christian Horner. Nobody takes a word he says seriously.”

You smiled weakly, “Really?”

“Yeah!” Rosie huffed, “Everybody thought he was being an idiot. And for the record, everybody said Toto would in no way be able to pull you.”

“That’s what Bono said to Toto!” you said.

“See!” said Rosie, “The whole thing was ridiculous.”

“Well, the Board doesn't think so. They’ve called me into a meeting with HR later.”

‘What the fuck?” said Rosie, “Because of a stupid Sky puff piece?”

“Yup.” you said, “We originally thought it was just HR and Toto asked them to cancel it but turns out it was the Board.”

“Fuck.” said Rosie, “But really what are they going to say?”

“I don’t know.” you sighed, “I re-read my contract last night and it says no relationships with colleagues.”

“Does it?” said Rosie, “Well that’s me and George fucked then.”

“No offence but the Board doesn’t care about you or George. Toto is the figurehead of the team, I guess they don’t like the image of him sleeping with his employees.”

“Oh…” said Rosie, “Well, surely you can just say it’s not true?”

“The thing is, I would but then what if this goes somewhere and then they find out we lied?” you said. 

Rosie looked ecstatic, “You think it’s going to go somewhere?”

“I hope so.” you said, “Toto told me he loved me the other day.”

“Oh my God!” Rosie squealed, “Tell me, when, where?”

You grimaced thinking back to what had transpired on the beach, “Um, so we went to the beach on Friday night.”

“That’s why you didn’t come out!” Rosie exclaimed, “I knew it!”

You smirked, “Well anyway we watched the sunset on the beach and then had a little cuddle and he told me he loved me.”

“A little cuddle?” Rosie quirked an eyebrow, “Did you have sex on the beach?”

You blushed, thinking back to that evening, “No…”

“Oh my God, you’re blushing, you totally did!” Rosie said, “I’m not surprised by you but Toto! Didn’t think he was the type.”

“Rosie..” you started, “Breathe a word of this to anyone and I will kill you.”

“How was it?” she asked, “I want juicy details. Ugh, you’re so lucky, I wish George would do all this stuff.”

You laughed, “Well, it was a really bad idea.”

“How come?” she asked.

“Well… I don’t want to scar you.”

“Y/N, I overheard you getting eaten out by our boss. I think we’re past that.”

“Touché.” you replied, “We got a little carried away and he finished in me.”

Rosie looked as if she was going to combust, “And?”

“I’m not on any birth control.” you paused, “I tried to get the morning-after pill at the medical centre but it was expired and they couldn’t get it. And then everything kicked off with the interview and the bad quali so I ran out of time.”

“Fuck.” said Rosie, “You should have come to me.”

“It’s okay, there was nothing anyone could do. Toto was going to drive to a pharmacy but he ran out of time.”

“What are you going to do?” Rosie asked with concern.

“Well firstly if I survive this meeting, I will hotfoot it to the doctors,” you said. “Toto’s fucked off to 

Monaco so I’m not even sure what is going on there.”

“Weird.” said Rosie, “I’m surprised he’s letting you do this meeting alone.”

“Me too,” you said, looking at the fields as you rolled closer and closer to the factory.

MONDAY PM

Sitting in your office, you steeled yourself in preparation for your upcoming meeting. Glancing at the clock you had three minutes to get to the HR office so you decided to bite the bullet and make your way down, for what was likely to be your last meeting in this role. To add insult to injury, Toto had not contacted you all day, not even to ask if you’d landed safe or to wish you luck. It was totally unlike him and you couldn’t help but be disappointed in him.

Knocking gently on the door, Pamela’s voice rang out, “Come in.”

“Hi,” you said, surprised to find that it was only Pamela present.

“Hi Y/N, how are you?” the older woman said politely.

“I’m okay thank you, how are you?” you said, battling to make small talk.

“Very well thank you. Now I’m sure you know why you’re here today. The Board were not happy to discover your personal relationship with Toto, especially in the manner that it was revealed. It does not reflect well on both the team or Toto so they have asked me to step in and call this meeting.”

“Wow you got straight to the point Pamela,” you said, not thrilled with her tone.

Ignoring your grumbles, she continued, “They want to conference call to discuss the matter further. Before I dial, is there anything you want me to know or say that will help?”

Softening your expression as after all, it was not Pamela’s fault, you replied, “That’s okay, I will explain everything to them directly.”

“If you’re sure,” said Pamela apprehensively, reaching for the conference phone at her desk.

As the Teams ring rang out you felt sick with nerves. You weren’t expecting to be fighting your case directly with the Board. Steeling yourself, you thought about the achievements that you could reel off, not to mention the additional revenue that you had raised.

“Good afternoon.” came a voice through the speakerphone. 

You recognised it as Robert, the chairman. Surprised he would be on this call, you politely replied, “Good afternoon Robert.”

“Hello.” called another voice. It was David, another one of the principal investors. They’d sent in the heavy hitters.

“Hello everyone.” Finally a friendly voice, it was James from the Technical team. He occasionally joined Board meetings.

As more of the upper management joined the call, you were increasingly surprised that Toto wasn’t going to be a part of it. Surely he would want to fight his corner?

“So are we all here?” said Anne, the Company Secretary.

“No, we’re waiting for Toto.” replied Pamela, “He should be here any minute.”

Shocked by this revelation you immediately felt more confident.

“Of course he’s late,” said Robert in a clipped tone. 

Right on cue, there was a knock on Pamela’s door. It was none other than Toto, looking red-faced and out of breath as if he’d been running the whole way.

“He’s here,” said Pamela, sensing they were impatient to start.

“Hello everyone,” said Toto, trying to hide the fact he was out of breath. Greetings were murmured through the speaker, merged together as multiple people spoke at once.

“Good afternoon Toto,” said Robert curtly.

“Good afternoon Robert,” replied Toto, equally as shortly.

“So I just want to preface this call with the fact that everything said on here will remain strictly confidential,” said Pamela, taking to the floor. “I’d first like to state that Y/N signed our standard contract, in that employee/employee relationships are strictly forbidden. Toto’s contract is different and does not have this stated anywhere. This does not, however, excuse his transgression and as part of our ethos, we would strongly discourage any abuse of power between an employee and their superior.”

Toto looked livid, having caught his breath he sat bolt upright, shooting daggers at Pamela.

Pamela continued, “Following Saturday’s interview with Sky Sports and Toto, it was revealed that Toto and Y/N have been pursuing a romantic relationship and several members of the Board have raised concerns that this is entirely inappropriate, not to mention a breach of Y/N’s contract. I would like to begin by giving the floor to Robert, who I believe feels especially strongly about this matter.”

“Yes,” came the voice from the speaker, “I was very surprised to learn of this news. For many years Mercedes has worked tirelessly to create a clean-cut professional brand image. Toto has always been exemplary of this and I was shocked, to say the least when our direct competitor brought his recent behaviour up. Y/N is still relatively new to the team and I voiced my concerns during the hiring process that she was too young to be taking on such a Senior role. I believe what has happened is due to this.”

“I…” Toto started before Pamela shushed him.

Robert continued, “In my opinion, the only way forward is for Y/N to discreetly leave her post. I do not want the press catching wind of this and spinning a narrative that is not in line with our brand values.”

“Robert.” started Toto again, before being cut off by David.

“Toto, we will hear from you shortly, but I would like to add that I am surprised you did this, knowing the repercussions. We always laugh at your counterparts at Red Bull and Ferrari but they have never brought a scandal like this upon their team.”

This time James interjected, “Look, guys, I know you’re not thrilled about this but I travel with the team and this is the first time I’ve heard anything about this. Everyone in the garage doesn’t believe it’s true and do we even know for a fact that it is? You all know what Christian Horner is like and this feels like somewhat of an overreaction to a situation we do not fully understand. I think we should let Toto speak.”

You could always count on James to stay level-headed in a tricky situation, there were a few grumbles and Robert piped up, “Sure, I would love to know what he has to say for himself.”

Toto cleared his throat, “Well, I am very disappointed with the way you have approached this. As James said, we all know what Christian Horner is like and he will say anything to make us, especially me, look bad. Normally it is something professional but this time he hit below the belt and made it personal.” He continued, “So to explain exactly what has been happening, I have been pursuing a relationship with Y/N outside of work, however, we have been keeping it very discreet and under wraps and entirely separate from our duties in the workplace.”

“So you are together?” butted in David.

“Yes. We are.” confirmed Toto, looking weary, “I was not aware that Y/N had a line in her contract that expressly forbade a personal relationship as I do not have that within my contract, however, I do not believe that her career should suffer because of her affiliation to me.”

“Well, I’d like to hear Y/N’s side of things.” piped up Robert, “Surely you were aware of this clause in your contract?”

“Hello everyone.” you said shyly, “I have to say, my contract is over thirty pages long and having re-read it over the weekend, the relationship part is a very small line towards the end. When I signed it, I paid it no mind as I did not expect to find love in the workplace.”

“Love?” guffawed Robert, “I know Toto, this is just another fling.”

This time Pamela interjected, “Robert, may I ask that you remain professional and listen to what Y/N has to say.”

Smiling at the older woman, you continued, “Yes love, Robert. When we began our relationship, we agreed that we keep personal and professional entirely separate so as not to disrupt our work and I have to say I think we have managed to do so successfully.”

“So I have one question,” interrupted James, “How long has this been going on?”

“A little over a year,” said Toto.

Your eyebrows shot up, yes Baku had been over a year ago but strictly Montreal was only six weeks ago.

Murmurs followed once again before James spoke, “Wow. Okay, so I would like to say that I do believe they kept things separate as I sit immediately next to them for hours at a time every weekend, spend countless hours in debriefings and meetings and travel on the jet and had no idea. I knew that they were firm friends but had no inkling of a romantic relationship”

“But this does not answer how Christian Horner came to discover the relationship?” asked David indignantly.

“I have my suspicions on that,” said Toto cryptically. “He is always digging for dirt and I suppose this time he couldn’t wait to spill.”

“Well, I for one, still believe that the right thing to do is to excuse Y/N from her post, no questions asked and we find a new Director of Communications,” said Robert, unmoved by anything he’d heard.

Annoyed that this man was so stubborn, you could no longer contain yourself. “Look, Robert, I understand I have breached my contract but I would urge you to think about what I have brought to the team. I have increased sponsorship revenue by 40% in one year and entertained new sponsors who have brought priceless good press to our team, as opposed to the dinosaurs we had before. I have convinced partners to stay who were all but ready to jump ship for a rival team when times were tough and I’ve grown our Comms team considerably, giving us additional media opportunities that we never would have explored previously.”

Toto turned to face you, glowing with pride. Even Pamela looked suitably impressed with your spiel.

Silence followed for a few seconds before Robert replied, “I understand this, but it doesn’t change that you fundamentally broke your contract and there has to be consequences. It’s all very well throwing out these numbers but you’ve undone years of hard work in one swoop.”

‘Robert.” stated Toto very succinctly, “Frankly, if you want Y/N to go, I will go with her.”

You were floored, Toto would leave his role for you?

His admission was met with deathly silence before David spoke. “Now Toto, don’t be so dramatic. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“I will,” said Toto stubbornly. “I run this team and I know that Y/N is the best Director of Communications we’ve ever had. It would be stupidity to let her go. And I say this from a purely professional standpoint”

More silence followed before Robert replied. “Look, let us discuss this further. For now, I would recommend that Y/N takes a temporary leave of absence and waits for this to blow over.”

“Fine,” clapped back Toto, “Then I will take a leave of absence. Good luck.”

Pamela’s face beside you was one of pure shock. 

“I’d rather you didn’t,” replied Robert.

“Then we both stay,” replied Toto bluntly. “We will continue to be discreet and laugh off any comments from rivals.”

“Fine.” said Robert, “But if I catch wind of anything affecting the team performance she goes.”

You gulped, not liking the way he was referring to you.

Pamela piped up, “From a Human Resources point of view, we cannot decide things like that in this manner. In my opinion, what we do is we draft another contract for Y/N that she can sign and we can put some stipulations in if need be.”

Thankful for the older woman’s expertise, you nodded in agreement.

“Fine.” said Robert, “Well let’s wrap this up, we’ve wasted enough time this afternoon. Speak soon.”

Goodbyes were murmured in response before Pamela rang off the call.

“Well, that was interesting.” she said, “So you two? I wouldn’t have guessed either.”

You smiled, “Thank you, Pamela, sorry about all of that.”

Toto stood up from beside you, “Yes thank you, Pamela, they are a nightmare.”

“You’re more than welcome,” replied Pamela, offering you both a warm smile, “But I don’t want to hear of any office hanky panky yes?”

You giggled, “Believe me after all of this, that is the last place I want to be doing anything.”

“And it might be tricky with our glass walls.” joked Toto.

“Indeed,” said Pamela waving you out of her office.

“Well, do you want to get a tea?” asked Toto, putting his hands awkwardly in his pockets as he strolled down the corridor beside you.

“Sure,” you said, aware you still had much to discuss.

———

As you both had a relatively free afternoon, you decided to pop out of the factory for your tea. It was a nice day and you had more privacy wandering along the river bank than you did in Toto’s goldfish bowl of an office.

“Toto, there's one thing I don't understand. Why did you say we were together for a year?” you asked.

“Well, six weeks sounded silly and we technically did begin our romance then,” Toto said bashfully. "I liked you from the get-go but when we kissed in Baku, everything changed."

“That’s very schoolboy of you. You know I think I fell for you in Monaco. I know nothing happened but you looked so handsome at that yacht dinner party, I would have had you right there if I could have,” you laughed, turning towards Toto, “Thank you for coming all the way back, I didn’t expect it.”

“Monaco, really? You looked beautiful that night too, " Toto beamed, "And why would I not come back? I had to go to Monaco for a meeting with a supplier and got on the first flight out of Nice this morning.

“Oh.” you said, surprised he took a commercial flight, “I see.”

“Is everything okay with us Y/N?” Toto suddenly asked, concerned.

“Yeah.” you said, “Sorry, I just feel kind of stupid, I felt like a kid being told off at school.”

“Me too,” said Toto.

“You did?” you asked.

“Of course, it’s worse for me in a way. Everyone thinks I’m some old perv.”

“You know when I call you an old perv it’s a joke right?” you replied.

Toto smiled, his kind brown eyes crinkling, “You know what I mean. You could hear the shock even in James’ voice.”

“I don’t think he thinks you’re an old perv. I think he probably feels stupid that he didn’t notice.”

“Maybe.” said Toto, stopping in his tracks, “Hey, I guess we all have our stupid moments.”

“Indeed we do.” you said, looking up at the tall man before you, “I’m glad we were stupid though.”

“Me too,” said Toto, quickly checking you were alone before bending down to kiss you.

Unfortunately, however, you weren't quite alone as a pair of all too familiar eyes were watching you from behind a bush a little way along the river. Nor did you hear the click of the camera shutter, capturing your intimate moment in a freeze frame image.

[tenaciousduckpoetry]

Could I request something angsty? Gwen having to deal with her s/o getting hurt trying to protect her despite them being normal.

I Missed You

For sure!! It's not completely the same, but it definitely works lol I learnt that writing fight scenes is not my specialty but I tried my best <33

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, panic, gender neutral, mention of canon death, slightly graphic depictions of injury, mention of vomit

From the moment you and Gwen started talking there was a connection. This electrical current between the two of you only grew the more you became closer. Hanging out turned into dates and dates turned into staying over at night. You were both helplessly in love with each other. Now it had been a complete year since you had first met, still unknowing of Gwen's alter ego and still helplessly in love with the girl.

Gwen's biggest fear since the death of her best friend, Peter Parker, was losing another loved one. She swore to herself after that day to never let anyone get too close in fear of it happening again. Except, she broke that promise. Trying to keep you safe while hiding her secret identity was a lot harder than she originally thought.

You picked up on everytime she left at night and each time she snuck out of class to do.. well, whatever she did. You weren't sure. You had both been in a class at the time, jotting down notes on quantum theory when the green goblin decided to attack civilians within the vicinity of your school. One thing lead to another, Gwen disappeared from your sight and Spider-Woman swung into action.

Gwen was busy attempting to clear out the surrounding rooms. With the villain throwing his stolen pumpkin bombs, buildings were collapsing and if you got too close you would be vaporized. She usually tried not to get anyone killed or injured during a battle like this, but sometimes it was inevitable.

There was a moment that passed where her eyes caught on to you, lingering slightly as she watched you help others out of the building. You had always been brave.. selfless even. Putting other peoples safety above yours, even in dire situations such as this. The green goblin followed Gwen's line of sight and a sickening smirk came to his features. He unlatched another of the stolen pumpkin bombs from his belt, throwing it just towards you. Far enough to collapse the floor beneath you but not close enough to kill you. He wanted Spider-Woman to suffer.

He wanted his revenge.

The floor disappeared from under you, hands reaching up to grip onto anything that was remotely close. Instead they could only find loose rubble and broken tiled floor; nothing that could be used to hold yourself up. You attempted to call out for help but it was failed. Gwen was moving as fast as she could, but she couldn't reach you just in time.

The sickening crack that filled the room as you landed and the gut wrenching scream that followed it was enough to make Gwen want to throw up. Your heart was racing. Any attempt to get in a deep breath of air was thrown out the window as you attempted to sit up. Your leg, twisted out of shape with the bone sticking out, was tingling. Your mouth went bone dry, heart in your throat. A sharp pain ran down your thigh that was dizzying. All you wanted was to wake up from whatever horrid nightmare this was.

Gwen attempted to call out to you, watching you lay there in your dazed state, unmoving. All you wanted was to keep people safe, much like what she was doing except you couldn't. You didn't have the same agility and ability to shoot webs that she did. It wasn't something that came natural to you as it did to her. Although getting powers from a radioactive spider wasn't a very natural chain of events eithor.

The fight wrapped up quickly, this time the villain had escaped. Spider-Woman was to preoccupied trying to keep you from falling apart.

"It's okay- I've got you.. You hear me?" She said your name again, so soft and sweet that you almost felt sick.. or maybe that was the pain. Oh no. That was definitely the pain.

Gwen's hands lifted you up, one arm looped under your back and the other under your legs. There was a loud whimper as she lifted you, hands clutching at her shoulders. "It hurts." You whimpered, dry tears staining your cheeks.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. We're going to get you help, okay? I promise."

If it wasn't for your injured state you may have recognized that wavering voice and piercings eyes. But you were so out of it. Your head was thumping and leg was tingling, all you could think of was your injury.

"I'm so sorry I missed you." Spider-woman spoke to you kindly, holding you to her chest as she made her way to the nearest hospital.

"I'm so sorry."