#ignoring me and truthfully I got scared of myself for feeling that way because it felt sinful to be upset at something like that

[kavehater]

Truthfully it would be easier if I just isolate myself from everyone simply because after so long of just shoving things down and being told to shove things down and being told to get over it and stop being sensitive I’ve become so much more sensitive after being so unfeeling and it’s ruining everything

Not even having aventurine could fix this 😔🙏 LOLLL

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for using racism to get away from the dude crushing on me?

This happened last year, but my friend group still tells me it was a messed up thing to do and part of me agrees with them, while the other part doesn’t know what else I could have done.

I (F17, white) have always been the quiet, weird, fat girl in school. I have never dated, even though people would regularly ask me out as a dare, or do the whole “my friend has a crush on you” thing to embarrass their friends. I got used to the idea that no one would ever really wanna date me, at least not in high school, and that anyone who asked me out was trying to trick me. But that was fine, I’m content with the friends I’ve made of my fellow social rejects and weirdos.

Last year a guy (black, M17 at the time) joined our friend group and started coming to anime club with us. He was quiet and weird, but then again we all were, so I was nice to him and assumed he’d open up when he was comfortable. And he did start opening up, but I went from thinking he was just shy to having a weird feeling about him. Like, no guys have ever been into me enough for me to develop a creep meter, but when I described the feeling I got when he would just quietly stare at me from across the room to my female friends they said “girl, that’s your creep meter going off”.

He would just silently stare at me for hours, if no one interrupted him. At my chest, my feet, and my crotch specifically. One day he told me he was in love with me. Not liked me, not had a crush on me, he was in love with me. And he wanted my phone number. Of course I was uncomfortable, and didn’t believe for a second he really liked me. No one likes me. They just pretend to because it’s funny. I politely told him I was only interested in being friends, and he just said “ok” and asked for my phone number again. I gave it to him because I didn’t know how to politely say no to that, and asked him to wait till the weekend to text me because my dad doesn’t like me texting on school nights (a lie, I just wanted to mentally prepare myself for texting with him). He said ok.

I was still riding the bus home when he started blowing up my phone with texts. Nothing heinous, just telling me I was pretty and asking about school and anime. I ignored him, and he started calling instead. I had to turn my phone off because I was starting to panic after 20 texts and 7 calls.

The next day a couple of my friends asked why I didn’t text them back and I told them I had to turn my phone off because he didn’t listen when I asked him to wait before contacting me, and they told me some disturbing rumors about him. That he has a fetish for fat girls. That he’s on probation for stalking and harassment. That he had to leave his last school because a girl got a restraining order. That I’m not the first girl he’s done this to at our school either. I followed up on that last one and got confirmation there: two other girls in my school told me he had come on to them too, and only because they were fat. I immediately blocked his number and stopped going to anime club and avoided him in the halls.

But even with me going out of my way to not see him he would still pop up. He would be waiting outside my classroom to talk to me. He would sit with me at lunch. He even got transferred to my chorus class (I have no way of confirming if he did that on purpose or not). He kept asking why I wasn’t texting him back or answering his calls, (because I had blocked him), I said I’m just shy talking on the phone. He asked why I took a different route to class everyday (because I was trying to avoid him), I just said I liked exploring the school.

I tried asking him, politely, to tone his behavior down some because he was scaring me. Nothing changed. I flat out reminded him I already said I wasn’t interested in him. Nothing changed. I told him truthfully that I wasn’t getting his dozens of calls and messages because it was too much and I blocked his number, and he started texting me from a different number instead. I told a teacher and he said he just wanted to be my friend. I told the guidance counselor and she said she would talk to him, but he didn’t stop.

So finally one day, at the end of my rope, I told him I told my racist dad he was harassing me. That’s all. That my dad was racist, and would never accept me dating a black boy, and that I told my dad he wouldn’t leave me alone. He immediately backed off and, as far as I know, moved on to another girl.

Most of my friends were there to watch him hang around me like a lost puppy and stare at me inappropriately, so they don’t blame me for wanting to get away from him. But they also say it was a dick move to bring racism into it. I think they may be right, but I sincerely couldn’t think of any other way to get rid of him myself. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[wukong-s-only-wife5000]

Macaque: First Meeting.

Masterlist | Next--->

You didn't visit Pigsy’s Noodle Shop as often as you’d liked, but whenever you did, you heard countless and seemingly endless tales from Tang about either the Monkey King, which you already knew since you were there for them, or MK. It was a no-brainer that Tang had a thing for you and wanted to impress you with his vast knowledge, but sometimes it was too much. You were pretty sure everyone knew of it, but you never had the heart to shut him up and risk hurting his feelings. You were grateful that MK had Pigsy and Tang looking after him, but sometimes you really hated hearing Tang talk about the same things: how you had been, Monkey King and MK. 

You were proud of the kid, sure, but hearing about it every single time you visited reminded you quickly of why you barely ever visited in the first place. Thankfully, Pigsy was always quick to shut him up for you and reminded you of the reason you do visit; the mouth-watering noodles and homey atmosphere Pigsy and MK brought.  

At the moment, it was MK who was talking, mostly complaining, about someone named Macaque; someone that Monkey King apparently knew from way back. You'd never heard of such a name in the time you’ve known the Monkey King, which was a very long time, so he obviously piqued your interest greatly. 

“So, what's so special about this ‘Macaque’ person?” Your question made MK scoff and he seemed to be in his own little world as he ranted.

“Nothing. He just thinks he's all that because he’s all-powerful and stuff,”

“Uh huh…” you mused.

You listened to MK in silence as he told you of the times that he ran into Macaque… but from what you heard, the male didn't appear to be the bad type of person he seemed to be at the beginning of the Monkie Kid’s story. He sounded less like the villain after the Lady Bone Demon was terminated. Something you, unfortunately, hadn't been able to help with since you were abroad handling some personal business.

“Seems to me that you, despite stating he wasn't that great, actually learned a lot from this Macaque person,” you stated as you ordered another helping of noodles.

“Well… I guess,” MK rubbed the back of his head. “Looking back, I guess there were times he was an okay teacher, but most of the time it was just to get what he wanted!”

“Wow, you think I was an okay teacher?” a foreign voice startled you both from behind you. “I appreciate that, kiddo,” the monkey you guessed was this ‘Macaque’ person chuckled.

To put it frankly, the emo-looking version of Monkey King was rather handsome. His dark theme was truthfully very attractive; you couldn't help but look at your noodles to hide your blush. 

“What are you doing here?!” MK questioned as he got over his brief scare.

“And who’s this little one?” he asked MK, ignoring his question as he looked at you with interest. “Oh~ I see, you must be the famous (Y/n) I heard so much about.”

“Pity that, before today, I've never heard of you,” you glanced at him then slurped your noodles as he chuckled. 

“Ouch,” he said, “then let me officially introduce myself,” he said as he held out his hand to you with his other hand in his pocket. “The name’s Macaque. Well, Six Eared Macaque… is my full name.”

“Hm,” you had to admit, the slightly shy way he said his full name was very adorable. You sighed softly and shook his hand. “(Y/n) (L/n),” you introduced yourself before going back to finish your noodles. Macaque stared at you with a small smile for a good while before he looked at MK as he finally answered his previous question. 

“I wanted to check on my favourite student, is that a crime?” he mused. 

“I'm not your student,” MK stated, which made you look at him with a raised brow. 

“I'll see you guys next time,” you said and paid for the meals you had. 

“Awe, leaving already?” MK pouted as he looked at you disheartened, but you knew he was trying to guilt trip you.

“Yeah, plum, stay a while,”

“Yeah, don't call me that,” you said as you looked at him with an unamused look. Internally… it made you scream and made your heart beat faster. It sounded much better than Wukong calling you Peaches… maybe just a little bit. Maybe it was because of his voice? “I got stuff to do,” you smiled at MK with your usual smile. “I'll visit again soon, I promise.”

“Yeah, last time you said that, you didn't visit for two months,” Pigsy huffed as he called you out.

“Well, I was busy,” you blushed as he called you out like that. “But, I'm not as busy as I was before, so I promise I’ll visit more often than before,”

“It was nice meeting you, plum,” he tilted his head a bit to try to see your face.

“Uh, yeah, you too,” you said but tried your best not to look at him, you couldn't bear to see that look again or risk him seeing your flustered expression.

“I hope to see you soon,” he said.

“Mhm…” you nodded and quickly made your exit. You could feel his eyes on you as you left the noodle shop up until you made a right.

“She's nice,” Macaque looked at MK in amusement. MK looked at him with an unamused expression… but he had to admit that that was the most he’d ever seen you talk to a stranger. He was impressed yet clueless, but Pigsy was suspicious as he looked at Macaque.

“Now, what do ya really want?” He folded his arms.

“Nothing,” he chuckled and shook his head as he passed his hand on his jaw and mouth to find he was smirking. 

“Nothin’, huh?” Pigsy didn't buy it for a second, but he recognized that dazed expression of a man anywhere.

He did lie though… but it wasn't that he genuinely came for nothing. It was that he couldn't exactly remember what his reason for coming to the noodle shop was in the first place. Maybe it was to check on MK? He did say that, right? Or maybe it was to annoy him a bit? Macaque couldn't remember… you had plagued and completely taken over his mind. 

“Things just got a bit more interesting,” Macaque mumbled to himself with a smirk of disbelief at your effect on him. He’d just met you yet this was the effect you had on him? Interesting indeed.

“Huh? What do you mean?” MK looked at him in confusion.

“Nothing,” Macaque chuckled and shook his head. “I'll see you later, kiddo,” he looked at MK before he disappeared through a portal he opened below himself. 

[gemsrcool1144]

#1

"Maladaptive daydreaming is a behavior where a person spends an excessive amount of time daydreaming, often becoming immersed in their imagination." I'm pretty sure I have maladaptive daydreaming.

I used to always watch cartoons and anime. it was what I did whenever I had free time because it made me feel things, when a character was sad I was sad when they were happy I was happy and at the time I didn't really have anything else, yeah I had my family but no friends, no well I did have friends in school and I got along with all my classmates but we didn't really have any contact outside school so, I didn't really know what to do outside anime and cartoons. after finishing one, I would make up a character, give them a sad backstory and put myself in the anime or cartoon's plot and I would imagine a whole life where I would get hurt and be happy and fall in love and find family.

it was probably not a very healthy thing to do, especially cause I could be lost in my mind for hours. I would lay on my bed, listening to music and daydream. it was weird cause whenever I was with people, interacting with people, I was normal but when I went to my room it was like my whole mind changed, I had a hard time feeling and well, I just didn't feel at all I guess. that doesn't really make sense and I don't really know how to explain it so we'll skip it for now.

when I was in 5th grade I realized that people judge other people a lot, I had never really thought about it before, I didn't think about stuff like that often, I was a oblivious little child, but then as a little 11 year old I started being self conscious of my actions near my peers. it sucked. oh I still enjoyed being with my friends and classmates and it was fun but it was exhausting and I hated it. after that I started making excuses to come home from school early then to not go to school and in 7th grade I just started begging my parents to not send me to school.

I think that's when they realised that something was wrong with me and I wasn't just being a brat. I felt anxious to go to school but most of all it was just too tiring to go when I could stay home in my comfortable bed getting feelings from watching anime. I liked seeing my friends and being social but it was exhausting and the school work made me anxious and the teachers made me scared and I hated it so I avoided it like it was the plague. why go see my friends to get happy feelings when I could do it at home in my bed my just closing my eyes and imagining.

I don't really wanna get into that time of my life because it's such a blur. I don't remember half of it, I don't remember what exactly I was feeling and I don't understand what exactly I was feeling either. I've never been good at understanding myself. like somethings are easy to understand, like if I like something I know that, and if I don't I know that too, but I almost never understood the why, why do I like it, why do I not like it, and I didn't wanna think about it too much cause that was also tiring. if I thought about it I would've had to think about other things which would have led to more and more thinking and I just really didn't wanna think. it was tiring and well ignorance was bliss y'know.

so I avoided anything that made me anxious, it was the easiest way for me to deal with things cause I didn't wanna do anything to fix them, I just really didn't wanna do anything but feel things without the anxiety. but I didn't really understood any of this, I did it all subconsciously. I avoided school, I avoided talking about it truthfully by giving a little bit of the truth but not the complete of it, and I just stayed home and daydreamed. it was nice and simple and peaceful.

but then my parents took me to see a psychologist and I took a test and it made me realize something, y'know, it was just a very sudden realisation, like in my 5th grade when I realized people had thoughts about me, I'm not even sure what exactly I realised but it was like a moment where I was like, oh, there were names to these things. social anxiety, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks. it was so life altering for some reason. I don't remember it that clearly but I definitely remember crying a lot. I remember when the psychologist asked me if I felt like I was worthless, I remember sitting there, my parents sitting next to me and crying after I said yes, I remember how guilty I felt for being such a useless daughter that always brought trouble for them, I remembered when my mom used to beg me to just go to school, she used to say that she didn't care about my reports or grades, that she just wanted me to go, I knew she didn't know what to do with me.

after crying in the psychologists office I was led to a small room where I did a bunch of tests and stuff, which made me think a lot about myself and it was like really really life altering. like not the psychologist or the questions or anything, but my self realizations I guess, I actually thought about the whys and it was strange and I didn't have half of the answers to my own questions about myself. I didn't understand myself and it was confusing and that day I went home and did a lot of googling about mental health and I started therapy, I went twice a week for a month I think before I stopped. the therapy itself didn't really help me, not at all, but I started thinking about myself and about why I was feeling these things and I started going to school at the start of 8th grade and most of my motivation was to be a good daughter, I just wanted my mom to be happy and my parents to be proud, I didn't wanna cause them anymore trouble, I'm pretty sure I've had that mindset ever since then to this day. I stopped going to therapy half because it wasn't really helping me cause I wasn't really being honest with my therapist, well I wasn't lying but just not explaining because I didn't really understood myself and I didn't know how to explain that, and also half because it was expensive and I didn't wanna make my parents pay for every time I came for therapy when it wasn't even properly helping me. and it was fine for a while. I managed myself better. stopped avoiding things as much.

[attink]

ive had some weird dreams about my assaulter and his girlfriend recently. i think because april 30th of last year was the day i found out about everything, and my brain goes crazy about that sort of thing.

about a week ago i dreamt that i got a notification on my phone that said ***** ****** is coming to visit you! and i got extremely freaked out. my case didn’t go anywhere and there is no no-contact order, but he did visit my workplace on purpose after i found everything out, and had planned on transferring to my college at some point. after the police, though, he seems to be staying away from me, and only his girlfriend started showing up to my job (to walk around, buy nothing, look at me, and leave) I’m afraid of having no safe space. and i’m afraid that he’ll realize i can’t do much if he decides to come around where i work. sometimes, in a very fleeting way, im scared that he’ll want to come find me. the dream ended very shortly with me freaking out and looking out my windows for his car.

I can explain myself more with this next dream. Later, i dreamt that I was looking through my easter photos, only they weren’t mine, they were my assaulter’s girlfriend’s photos. I kept looking, scared that i would see his face in them, but i didn’t. Weird, right? This is the girl that my assaulter was with before me, and after me, (and truthfully i’m not sure if they’re still together but frankly i don’t care). In our own relationship he assaulted me several times. After the breakup, she asked me if he had r*ped me. I told her what happened to me (none of which i truly consider r*pe) and she told me the reason why she asked. for months i minimized my pain because she had gone through worse. in literally every way he treated me wrong, she got it worse. I felt sorry for her, i didnt hate her, and i compared my own pain to hers. Eventually, while i still had a case, i had to explain why i didn’t go to the cops immediately for mine. (i hoped it was an accident. him being a repeat assaulter changed my view)… then i got the “hate mail”, as i put it. it was from her, telling me how disgusting i was for butting into their lives, and how i should mind my business and move on. how i was petty, pathetic, delusional, and she pitied anybody who ever had the misfortune of coming into my life (her words, my friends and i would later laugh over this). So essentially this girl defended our assaulter to me after i tried to get some justice/at least make sure there was a record so he wouldn’t try to do that again. for months she came to my workplace (the word “stalk” has been used and that freaks me out) but luckily i haven’t seen him in almost a year and her in half.

and then.. last nights dream. I was sitting in some sort of class or church and lo and behold, this girl is sitting next to me. I ignore her, she ignores me, perfect. then somehow we’re away from everyone having a verbal argument. I don’t remember what she said, i just remember saying “you know what? its okay that you didn’t tell anyone or get help. I didn’t. Not until i knew what happened to you. im just trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again to anyone else, not even you. It’s like we said on the phone, whoever ends up with him will have to deal with this for the rest of their life.”

and then.. she was crying. In a perfect world, she’d get away from this guy and find someone decent. see that he’s not worth it. But as far as i know, there’s a girl out there still dating her assaulter and feeling fine that she told his other victim to fuck right off. I don’t think about it much, because its none of my business what two bad people are doing together, but i am frequently glad that im the one who’s not in the picture anymore.

there is no real point to this post besides reflecting on this stuff and reminding myself why i might be dreaming about my assaulter and some girl. i feel like if i didn’t, my brain would convince me that dreaming about people who hurt me isn’t natural

[kal-lyp-so]

tokyo's 2024

here i am on my last day in tokyo, crying and writing this to you.

My dear cruelest heart i have ever known, i am not sure if it was you who broke me or maybe it is me.

i came to this city hoping maybe, just maybe. i get to meet you and i hesitated at first if i should really text you or not, but i know i'd probably regret not doing it at all so i did.

the only reason why i hesitated is that im so scared of you saying no or just ignore me. in a way, killing the only hope i had.

but either way, the hope was only there to help me realised that my life is definitely not a movie or as magical as i hoped it would be.

ive been keeping it inside because again my love, im still alone.

to my dearest peeta, i know you would probably never care but i couldnt betray the love i have for you. it was really beautiful. and to you, it was just another short discovery or maybe just an experience. you probably would never ever remember me on any random day and unlike you, whatever i do, you're on my mind every second. i'd still imagine we were together and that's the only way for me to stay calm and just pretend my life is okay.

i dont know how my life was ruined by something so genuine and so beautiful. Truthfully, i am too; very very scared to care and love someone not because i cant do it, but because it was one and done for me.

I told you so many things and promised you alot too, unlike you, ive never broken my promises.

Sayang, it hurts so much knowing that youre only a monster to me and nobody else.

As much as i would like to ask god, again and again, to let me have you back, i dont think id ever get you.

ive tried everything and still failed. maybe that is it.

and i dont think whatever success get fix my shattered heart.

funny how most of the songs talked about how they regret hurting or maybe how angry they are after being hurt,

why cant i listen how is it being perfect and fitting and nice and genuine; basically being the best human version of themselves and still getting hurt by other people.

other people said that its your loss. is it?

why dont i feel happy? why do i still cry though it is your loss?

your loss somehow feels like mine as well. and i wish i can prevent that from happening but you and i are so different.

its not like moon or sun type of difference, it ups and downs type of difference. its dishonest vs genuiness. its not yin and yang because they balance each others out, you and i are just wrong. to you of course because you were the one who chickened out.

my sweetest monster, please help me. i dont know how to get over you. why do i love you still? i want to stop but they keep coming back. I am so alone right now and im very strong. but i need you.

and i wish i dont need you. because people like you, dont deserve people like me. not the other way around. you are the type to always win by hurting people, by being selfish and arrogant. Sure, i can so too but its not fun nor nice.

i figured that maybe i really need to not only let it go, i need to force myself to walk away. but walking away doesnt mean im going to walk my new path with someone new. sometimes i'd wish or imagine im walking with you but just that. that tiny piece of imagination will make me happy. though i'll realised that it's not real, but i'd do anything just to survive.

im trying to survive, still far away from living.

sometimes i imagine us working at a same place so i could just see your reaction to seeing me, sometimes i imagine id meet you maybe when im traveling somewhere. but let's be real, from japan to south korea and now back in japan, we still couldnt meet. you didnt want us to meet and its just that.

i will still cry whenever i think about you and missing you.

i will still wish and forever wish with whatever hope that was left in me that you'd come back. but my reality is far more greater than my silly imaginations. they used to be smaller but look where it got me.

i will still imagine and wish that im watching Brooklyn-99 with you and would laugh and talk why the scenes were funny as if you're listening.

i'd still imagine going to the cinema with you because that was what we promised to do.

whenever i eat my butter scones, i'd think about you because you used to care about that.

whenever i listen to music, id think whether you would like the song or not because i like it and im hoping that you'd like it too.

but one day, when i stop imagining, there could only be two possible explanations.

i've outgrown my emotions

i have died

i really really wish that i dont have to go through this pain in my entire life. it sucked my soul. all the pretty parts thats left and ive managed to protect growing up; they got destroyed just like that.

you were so impulsive and im scared of that now. you were so so arrogant. the attitude.

why cant you talk to me how i talk to you? why cant you talk to my like how you talk to strangers? did i hurt you? no. you said it wasnt me but it was actually you.

then why did you make me the villain?

this will be my last time i will ever visit tokyo for traveling; this time it hurts me so so much. i dont think you understand how much it hurts and you'd never will understand my pain.

and i refused to allow others to fix what you have broken. i refused to give them the same chance i gave you.

I came here for you and i left without you.

I pray you happiness, best health, and a sense of security. this way you'd never have to lie or pretend anymore.

its a shame that i have met you. its embarrasing that i have showed you my flaws. its scary how i care too much too.

i will stop praying that i want you or anyone. its better being alone than having to deal with this pain again.

id cry being alone and yet it is still better than crying because i want someone who doesnt ever think or care about me.

he didnt even love me. and i gave him my whole heart.

he didnt love me.

kalypso, 18th feb 2024.

[aidadigital]

It's been a long ass time since I used this!

dope ass vibes so many bitches so much money nah I'm kinda in a weird headspace again as usual! I think it's just been an exhausting week and that fatigue is affecting me in other outlets too, so I should probably make some effort to write about it just to like! get it out of my system. It has been a bad week for drama/vibe nation of my friends and loved ones though. Best friend has been talking to his manipulative ex again, who contacted him after he blocked her in other ways. I be on my bullshit too! not as productive as i need to be, and staying off my one addiction basically lasted all of 24 hours (tmi moment I'm sure). gf is having a depressive state, that's probably a large part of it. it kinda sucks to realize that a majority of your insecurities and emotional aversions to stuff in a relationship are caused by one bad partner in the past. like you really underestimate the amount of damage one person can do to you until it happens. Maybe I give them too much power in hindsight. A lot of times when my current (amazing, beautiful, perfect) partner does normal things that an ex of mine would do, I get this larger sadness or irrational anxiety because I feel like I know what's gonna happen. When my ex went silent for a day or two after expressing some sadness, it meant a breakup was coming. It meant a dialogue about how I'm not attractive. i think that stuff really batters someone's self-esteem; mine probably wasn't super high prior. I'm very lucky in that my girlfriend is arguably the best person I've ever met. I know she's got an extremely busy week, I know she's been struggling with motivation issues herself and I know she loves and cares about me.

...which is why it's upsetting that i get clingy or suddenly anxious of an impending breakup whenever the constant 24/7 comms randomly diminishes (for like 48 hours max, usually). I shouldn't become spontaneously paranoid of a breakup, or feel that some bad is destined to happen to me. It's just manifesting bad things for no reason! But truthfully, valentines has never been that great for me. I've been dumped and ignored on Valentine's Day, I've been groomed, I've just...never had a normal positive experience then. Granted, a lot of my relationships frankly never made it to that day, but of the ones that did it never went well. So I'm scared. It's like the last scary hump for me. I just want it to go really, really well so I can show myself that shit is behind me. i was a kid. sometimes an emotionally immature kid. sometimes a kid who dated people who were very, very bad for me. I have better judgement now. I know my partner and I trust her. everything will work out.

I'm sorry I'm feeling this way.

[ghost-wolf34]

Werewolf Bucky Barnes.

Chapter 16. Girl talk. The past comes back with vengeance part two:

Shauna's pov.

I was getting ready to go on my date with my now mate, when I got a text from fury telling me that I had a mission with Wanda. I sighed and shook my head, before asking him when I had to leave and he said now. I quickly grabbed my uniform and got changed, before going to meet up with Wanda for the mission. 

When I went to meet up with Wanda I saw Steve talking to Peggy, I over heard them talking about the mission but I decided to ignore them as I walked to where Wanda was waiting. "You ready to go? Steve said that Peggy is coming along." Wanda told me, as she turned to face me. 

"Yeah I'm ready, but I don't like going without telling Buck bye. It feels wrong and odd, I always get to tell him bye as he does with me." I told her, as I then sighed and shook my head not happy that fury had to ruin my date with my mate. 

"We should get moving before fury grills us out for that, I know you don't like not telling him bye and I don't either.  But Steve said that he was busy with something, the two of you will be able to catch up later I promise." Peggy told me knowing that I felt bad for leaving without telling him by.  

End of pov, skip to third. 

Shauna and the girls soon left on their mission, she soon started to mess with ring on her right pointer as she thought about Bucky and why could or would be in store for them up ahead. "You know, Steve told me that you've that a lot lately and I've been your right long enough to know that you do that when your thinking or when something is bothering you. So...what is it?" Peggy asked her friend softly but yet kindly. 

Shauna looked up at her friend, before going back to playing with the ring on her finger. "Yeah, sorry about that. I uh...I have had a lot on my mind, and I haven't exactly been feeling well lately." She told her friend honestly and truthfully. "And I've been staying more to myself again, because my wolf side is just acting more moody then normal but of course no one knew about expect for Buck and of course Steve. 

I just know that bucks been worried for me a bit, because I haven't been myself lately. But I haven't exactly been feeling well and I'm scared because I don't know what's wrong, and I don't want to worry him especially since he's already up most of the night from nightmares." Shauna told her friend, as she sighed and looked down at her lap. 

"I don't like to see you like this, if you haven't been feeling well. You should've said something and I would've told fury to have you sit this one out, you shouldn't have to force yourself to go on a mission just to make fury happy. 

As much as I know you don't like to sit things out, but I really think you should've told me or at the very least your partner. He deserves to know how your feeling-." Peggy said, before looking at Wanda since the jet was in auto pilot. "What is it?" 

Wanda was looking over at her friends as they talked, she tilted her head at them as she sensed something coming from inside Shadow. "There's something off with you, not in a bad way but I can sense something." Wanda told her two friends. 

"What do you sense?" Peggy asked her, she wondered what her friend was sensing and if it was good or bad. "Is it good or bad?" 

"I can't tell yet, but I can definitely sense something within you Shadow. It's..." Wanda's eyes went wide as she realized now why Shauna didn't want to come into the mission but fury wouldn't have none of it, she now realized why Shadow actually wanted to talk to her mate before they left. 

"Please don't say Wanda." Shadow thought knowing her friend could read her mind, she didn't want it to come out at the moment when they had a mission to focus on so they could get back home. 

Wanda read her friends thoughts but she didn't know what to say, as she agreed with keeping it a secret but she was definitely going to have her back now during this mission. "I won't, but you are going to have to tell her if something goes wrong." She thought to her friend. 

Shadow nodded her head at Wanda when she told her that she wouldn't say anything and she told her to tell Peggy if the mission went sideways. "It's something good, I just don't want to say it." She told Peggy since she didn't want her to worry, as she watched her friend smile and nod before getting a happy but yet stern look on her face. 

"If it's what I think it is, then I'm going to have a word with Director fury when we get back." Peggy told her friend, she had her assumptions but she was definitely also going to have her back through the the mission til she knew for sure. Accept none of them knew that the mission was actually about to go wrong very wrong.

[eepybeauty]

I can’t keep thinking that I am untouchable if I keep fucking up I’ll just keep causing problems for myself. I cannot handle everything at once. I should of blocked his number to make him think there wasn’t another chance. I was bored and wished keith would say things like him. But I’m just as dumb and just as naive because all I like is attention. He’s in a gang who’s trying to be better, I respect that but I don’t want nothing to do with him. The attention I got doesn’t mean shit if it’s not from keith. No one will compare to him I know how I sound but thats just how I feel rn.

I’m focusing to hard on the wrong things school is getting stressful I can’t fuck up I need to start taking this shit more serious. money is at stake here I can’t fuck up I have to keep trying I can’t keep ignoring and hope that things will work out for me. I fucked up last semester I can’t fuck up this semester I need to try harder I can’t be fucked.

I’m treating Amy like shit rn, I won’t help her with college I won’t help her with her prom dress and I’m not with her. I’m neglecting her just as much as I’m neglecting everything else

I’m doing so many things wrong

Chloe feels differently about me resentment jealousy it’s new it’s different. if I loose more weight look the way I want to look act the way I want to act have everything fall into it’s right place I would feel guilty if she still hands those feelings towards me. Because I have no idea how to comfort someone who wants to look like you. Why am I so bad at saying the right things. Then I want to get upset at keith that he isn’t better? I’m just as bad and shouldn’t hold that double standard. I feel like I’m such a shitty friend to her now. What is wrong with me. I’m sure she’ll be happy that I am getting better but I hold resentment towards myself the expectations I have for myself are so high nothing I feel or do will ever feel enough.

I know her feelings will quietly linger because I’m just the same. Maybe we’ll explode soon.

I feel like a huge fight is approaching between us. It will sent me down a spiral and I know will for her too. I am so scared of things going wrong. I am so weak.

I no longer feel valid I feel like im just narcissist now who craves attention. A really insecure narcissist.

I feel different now, the change has or is happening right now. I want to go back all I do is cry now and feel so sorry for myself.

Truthfully I feel like I have nothing else to offer besides the way I look.

All I do is mope in my sadness and expect to be comforted like I am some puppy

In reality all my sadness stems from my mistakes, guilt, shame, and insecurities. I am a selfish person who thinks nothing can touch her. I don’t think I ever experienced no real consequence. I don’t think I have ever experienced a heavy loss besides what happen to me in late November. (a problem I asked for)

yeah things will work out in its own way but am I changing in the wrong way? am I changing for the better? why can’t it be the same as it was before with the both of them? Am I becoming a shitty person? Why can’t I be better? Why can’t I handle anything? Am I doomed?

jfc I’m so fucking dramatic I just wanna die

January was the closest I ever felt to being suicidal, I loved going to the beach everyday and wish i was there again in those moments.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

There With You

Peeta Mellark x Reader

Words: 2532

Summary: A panic attack during the Victor’s tour leaves the reader gasping for breath backstage. Her fiance is able to calm her down, but now she’s afraid that what’s real and what’s pretend will blur together.

Notes: This is another kind of comfort fic based on my own experience, so I hope someone out there can connect with it. I love reading things to help calm myself down, so I hope that my comfort imagines can do that for somebody else. Plus Peeta is one of my comfort characters, so it works out. (Also, the reader has taken Katniss’ place in this scenario. Still love Katniss, but this fit the story)

Warnings: Panic attack, anxiety, the like (This is not a depiction of every kind of panic attack. This is just what I have experienced in the past)

-

None of this was supposed to happen. There wasn’t supposed to be two of you. There weren't supposed to be riots. The romance wasn’t supposed to be real.

Then why was he the only one keeping you from sprinting off that stage?

Peeta’s fingers were intertwined with yours as he spoke to the crowd, keeping you grounded. You tried to focus on the sound of his voice instead of the hundreds of eyes staring up at you. You looked up at the screens and saw her looking back at you. Her. The first person you’d ever killed and you couldn’t even bring yourself to think of her name.

Your breathing hitched and you could feel the squeezing, twisting grip around your throat. No no no not now. Not in front of the entire crowd. What would President Snow do to you if you broke down in front of an entire district? What would he do to Peeta?

“Thank you.” Peeta finished up his speech and a few people in the crowd reluctantly applauded. His eyes locked on your face, seeing a single tear fall down your cheek and he quickly led you off the stage.

He knew that District 9 would be the hardest for you. He still remembered the knife and the blood and the gore. You had killed her to save him. And now you had to live with that for the rest of your life.

The doors closed behind you and you immediately fell back against them, clutching your chest with your free hand. You ripped open the buttons on your high-necked dress, foolishly thinking that it would make it easier to breathe. The invisible hand had closed around your throat, knees crushing down your chest. When you closed your eyes, Clove was on top of you, choking the life out of you slowly, whispering all of the ways she was going to torment Peeta once you were gone.

“Let’s get her out of here.” Haymitch said, his expression a mix of worry and unease. He knew the image of a weak Victor would mean more problems that you weren’t ready to deal with. He remembered what it was like to be under the eye of the Capitol.

“I can’t… I can’t do this. Peeta, I can’t keep-” You gasped in between shaky breaths. Your vision was blurred at the sides and you were gripping the door to keep from collapsing. “I-I-”

“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk now.” Peeta said, putting a hand on your cheek. “Can you walk to the train?” You nodded, but couldn’t seem to bring your hands away from the door. Peeta looked back at Haymitch and Effie for a moment before turning back to you. “I’m going to carry you, okay?” You must have nodded because he kissed your cheek before scooping you up in his arms.

Your hands released the door and instead latched onto the lapel of his jacket. Every part of you was shaking and the weight on your chest was only getting heavier.

“P-Peeta.” You cried, feeling the tears welling up in your eyes.

“I’ve got you. We’re almost there.” He tried to hide the crack in his voice, trying to be the strong one for you, but seeing you like this split his heart in half. Haymitch and Effie huddled around you, trying to block the two of you from any prying eyes or cameras.

You didn’t notice when they finally got you onto the train. In your head, you were still on that stage, staring out at the little brothers of the girl you murdered. You thought for sure you were suffocating. Every breath was becoming harder and more painful than the last and the blackness at the edge of your vision was growing.

Peeta sat down, holding you in his lap and gently stroking his fingers through your hair.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You aren’t in the arena. You’re here with me.” He buried his face in your neck, gently pressing a kiss to the place between your shoulder and your spine. “You’re with me.”

“I’ll never leave that arena.” You whispered, your voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he even heard you.

This was far from the first attack you’d had since winning the games, but it was certainly the worst.

Haymitch and Effie just watched you with sympathetic eyes for a moment before leaving the two of you alone. Peeta held you tight until your breathing started to return to a steady pace. While your vision cleared, your body couldn't stop shaking and you couldn’t seem to pry your hands away from his jacket.

“I’m sorry.” You sniffed, trying to wipe panicked tears away on your sleeve.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have made you go out there with me. I knew what it was going to be like for you and I should have-”

“They wouldn’t have let you go out there alone.” You shook your head. “There’s no hiding from them, Peeta.” You repeated your words like an echo, over and over again. “I’ll never leave that arena.”

“Then I’m right there with you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and stood up, keeping you pressed against his chest. “Come on, we should try and get some sleep before we reach the next District.”

He carried you to your compartment and tucked you under the covers. He crawled up beside you without you having to ask. It had become an unsaid thing between the two of you. You kept the nightmares away as best as you could and when one of you woke up afraid, you weren’t alone.

-

Peeta had proposed for the cameras the day you left for the Victor’s tour, but it was all for show. The Capitol ate it up. When you really said yes, it was a week prior, just the two of you in the calming quiet in a meadow outside of the fence. It meant more that way.

Of course, Effie had picked out an extravagant ring for you to wear on stage and everything. It was gaudy and heavy and enough jewels to feed three districts for a month. But like the faked proposal, it wasn’t what was real.

You twisted the small bronze band around your finger, examining it in the faint light coming through the train windows. You had been awake for about an hour now, but Peeta’s peaceful sleep kept you from stirring. You rested in the warmth of his embrace and listened carefully to the slow, comforting sound of his heart beat.

You wanted to stay in this moment forever.

“Rise and shine you two.” Effie burst through the door and Peeta instantly went rigid beneath you, jolting up and pushing you behind him. You couldn’t see his face, but his expression frightened Effie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think, I-”

“No, Effie, it’s okay. Really.” He said apologetically, his expression softening. “We’ll be out for breakfast in a second.”

“Alright. Don’t be long. I know they want to do a feature on engaged life. A little romance might be just what you two need.” She gave you both a small smile before walking out, the door sliding shut behind her. Peeta laid back on his elbows, blowing out a low sigh.

“I didn’t mean to scare her. I just heard the door open and all I could think was that someone was here to take you away.” He pulled you back down to him and gently pressed his lips to yours. Truthfully, he’d been in the middle of a nightmare when he heard Effie enter. He thought that the images in his head were becoming real.

“She’ll be okay.” You concluded, drawing circles on his chest . “Effie is tougher than she seems. And she knows what we’ve been through.” Despite her bright and sometimes obnoxiously optimistic attitude, you knew that Effie wasn’t a mindless pawn from the Capitol. She saw what the games did to you. She saw the children behind the victors.

Breakfast was mostly had in a settled quiet. While neither of you said anything, Haymitch glanced over at you and you nodded to let him know that you were okay. It was that silent understanding that was the foundation of your relationship with your former mentor.

“They’re doing an update interview to see how the Capitol’s darling lovebirds have been enjoying their tour.” Haymitch said gruffly. “Which means lots of blushing and doe-eyes from you two.”

“That won’t be hard.” Peeta noted, looking over at you. He meant it sweetly, but something about it sent a shiver of dread down your spine. You ignored it, giving him a small smile.

“It’s comforting to know we won’t need to convince anybody of the whole hopeless romantic thing.” Haymitch made a face. “You two do a wonderful job of making me nauseous all on your own.” Effie smacked him with her rolled up napkin.

“I think it’s wonderful.” She mused dreamily. “How something like that could bring you together.”

You stiffened, keeping your eyes on your plate, pushing your eggs around mindlessly with your fork. Sometimes you forgot that this was still all a TV show for people to gawk at. You would be the star crossed lovers from District 12 for the rest of your lives. No amount of real emotion you felt for Peeta was going to erase that.

The other three seemed to notice your shift and finished their meal in silence. Haymitch excused himself to the dining car for likely the rest of the day and Effie left to work on the speeches you’d have to read in front of District 8. You hadn’t eaten a bite, opting to sip slowly at your coffee instead.

“Just a few more days and we’ll get to go home.” Peeta said, noticing your empty stare and untouched meal. You just nodded, not really hearing him.

-

“So tell us, Peeta, when did you know that you wanted to propose?” Caesar grinned into the camera.

“Honestly, I knew the moment we stepped out of the arena that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.” Peeta gave your hand a squeeze and looked at you with complete and utter adoration. Caesar gasped in awe, eating up the fluffy romance that Peeta was perfect at portraying.

Is that all this is? The thought penetrated your mind before you could stop it. A performance? Is everything he says for the sake of the camera?

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever forgive you for not including me in the moment, Peeta.” Caesar pouted. “But it was just so sweet I can’t stay mad at you!” The two laughed and you forced a loving smile. “Really, proposing in front of the bakery just before you left for the tour- why, it’s probably the most romantic thing I have ever seen.”

“I’m glad it came off that way, because I was a nervous wreck!” Peeta exclaimed and they laughed again. You had to admire his acting ability. Maybe that’s what scared you so much.

He’s just performing. Is he performing with you?

“I think we all want to know,” Caesar beamed, turning his attention to you, “what was going through your head, Y/N? When Peeta got down on one knee?”

You pushed any doubt from your head and just focused on everything you knew was real. “Honestly, Caesar, I can’t think of a happier moment in my life. I never knew what I was missing until we found each other.”

“Don’t these two just make you believe in love, Claudius?” He gushed to his costar. “We’ll let the two of you get back to your tour, but I can’t say how excited we are to have you all to ourselves here in the Capitol.”

“We can’t wait.” Peeta grinned. You both smiled broadly, waiting for the little red recording light to turn off. As soon as the cameras were gone, Peeta lifted your hand up to his lips. “That went well.” He muttered against the skin of your palm.

“Yeah. I think they definitely believe that we’re the perfect couple.” You hadn’t meant to say it so bitterly, but as soon as the words left your mouth, Peeta’s expression changed.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes were different, the charisma that was there with Caesar was gone. His worry seemed to stem from something real, but you just couldn’t convince yourself that it was.

“Nothing.” None of this is real. It’s all just the games. What if you’re still in the arena? What if this is all in your head? You broke away from him, trying to hide the panic growing and growing inside you until it was all you could feel. You could hear him saying your name, but it sounded garbled and far away, like he was whispering in the rain.

What seized you now was unlike you’d ever felt before. Not only was it the dark panic that blurred your vision and tightened your throat until you couldn’t breathe- it was a complete disconnect from reality. It was like you were trapped inside one of their screens and you were banging on the glass, trying to get out.

-

You didn’t realize you had fainted until you woke up in Peeta’s arms. His was sitting up, cradling you in his lap like he had before, only now you were in your room and you had a blanket draped around your shoulders. You jerked away, your mind still terrified that even this wasn’t real.

“Woah, hey it’s okay. I’m right here.”

“This isn’t real. None of this is real.” You whispered in a panic, still trying to push away from him. This was the Capitol. They were in your head. “You aren’t real.” As hard as you shoved against him, his strong arms were locked around you. He pressed a kiss to your temple, holding you closer.

“I’m right here. I’m real. Just breathe. Come on, stay with me.” While his voice was soothing, your vision was still blurred with hot tears.

“We can never escape this. Every second of our lives belongs to them. Nothing is real. It’s all theirs.”

Peeta pulled away, taking your hand in his. He slid the bronze ring off your finger and held it up.

“This is ours. It’s not Snow’s, it’s not the Capitol’s, it’s ours. It’s real and it’s ours.” He put the ring back on and moved your hand to his chest. You could feel his heart beating beneath your fingertips. “I’m real,” He looked at you with a gentle and yet intense love, “and I am completely yours.”

You wiped away your tears and laid a hand on his cheek. “Peeta-”

“And no matter the nightmare, no matter the fear, or when your mind takes you back to the games, just remember I will always be there with you.”

He pulled you back to him and the two of you remained- away from the cameras and away from the Capitol. At least for now, you weren’t victors. You were a boy and a girl who had saved each other.

[realcube]

you flinch during an argument

navi | masterlist | taglist 

thank you to anon for this request 

characters ♡ suna, atsumu & sakusa

content warning ♡ cursing, angst, mentions of abuse, hurt to comfort, hinted ptss, parent!reader (in sakusa’s)

rintarō suna

♡ he paced back and forth through the living room, casting you dirty looks whenever you try to speak 

♡ you rolled your eyes at how far he took your singular comment on his volleyball career

♡ you were aware that what you said might’ve offended him and in any other situation you would’ve just apologised but considering how needlessly confrontational he was being, of course you were going to be mean too

♡ ‘rin, you’re being overdramatic.’ you muttered off-handedly, assuming he’d brush it off like everything else you said, so ofc you did not expect what he did next

♡ he suddenly stormed over to you 

♡ not only did he take you by surprise but also his furrowed brows and generally mad aura unnerved you too, so your natural instinct was to flinch 

♡ once he saw that, he immediately stopped in his tracks 

♡ his head slowly tilted to the side and his clenched jaw loosened, ‘(y/n)?’

♡ your hands were still covering your face but when you heard the suna’s soft voice, you realised what you had just done and craned your neck out to peer over your hands, ‘yes?’

♡ obviously, his intention wasn’t to hurt you but rather just stand in front of you. though it worried him that your natural instinct was to prepare yourself for harm from him. despite the fact he would/has never hit you. 

♡ ‘are you okay?’ he sighed, slowly approaching you as if you were a small critter that’d run away in fright at any moment

♡ you hesitantly lowered your arms, eyes wide as you intensely examined his every move, ‘i’m fine. are you okay?’

♡ suna gestured to the seat beside you on the couch, ‘i’m good. can i sit?’

♡ you simply nodded

♡ he reluctantly sat down next to you and gently placed his hand on your knee, tracing circles with his thumb, ‘i didn’t mean to scare you. i’m sorry.’ he said, his now hushed voice contrasting to how sharp and loud his words were just a minute ago

♡ you blinked rapidly, shocked at how quickly his demeanour changed but also relieved he realised that what he did brought you discomfort, ‘it’s fine, i guess. it just looked like you were going to- y’know. and i’m sorry too, what i said was uncalled for’ you murmured, the words just falling from your lips without any prior thought as your mind was somewhere else

♡ ‘i’d never do that.’ he blurted out, ‘but i get why you might’ve thought.’

♡ a few minutes passed and not a word was spoken - you just blankly stared at the wall opposite, completely lost in thought while suna closed his eyes, slumped back in his seat and revaluated everything he did 

♡ eventually, you snapped out of your contemplation and turned to look at him, only to see his sleeping figure beside you 

♡ it was probably the most peaceful you’ve saw him all day - so you decided against waking him up and instead cuddled up to him, accidentally falling asleep yourself 

atsumu miya

♡ you had your arms crossed over your chest, patiently waiting for atsumu to finish his hissy fit

♡ ‘it was a fucking joke, (y/n)! not that i’d expect you to understand my humour anyway. do you not get what you did? you fucking embarrassed me.’

♡ ‘it wasn’t a very funny joke, atsumu.’ you shook your head disapprovingly, trying your very best to keep a level-head but his nasty remarks didn’t make it an easy task for you, ‘you made me really uncomfortable so of course i was going to say something. also, i didn’t embarrass you, you embarrassed yourself.’

♡ the fact you weren’t as worked-up about this as he was only irritated him more. because deep-down, he knew he was being overdramatic and the contrast between both of your demeanours only highlighted this fact.

♡ he gritted his teeth together, momentarily side-eyeing you before absentmindedly cracking his knuckles

♡ he cracked his bones when he got tense - you knew this - but there was a faint voice at the back of your head, insisting that you had to run away bc he was preparing to hit you 

♡ and it didn’t help when he jerked his head around to look at you 

♡ though it was only the movement of his neck, this caused you to flinch as a part of you expected his hasty motion to be followed by a swing of his hand 

♡ you never really thought too much of your action and assumed atsumu would pay no mind to it and continue to talk but you couldn’t have been more wrong

♡ he slapped his hand over his mouth and let out gasp as though his whole soul was exiting his body through his mouth

♡ your eyes were squeezed shut but you blinked them open to see when you mentally established that atsumu wasn’t going to swing at you and had actually stopped yelling

♡ ‘(y/n)- i’d- i’d never do that!’ the volume of his voice gradually rose as he spoke, starting as breathy emphasis and increasing to a cry

♡ upon noticed his appalled expression and his frozen structure, you dropped your arms which you had automatically raised in defence, ‘you’d never do what?’  you voice was hushed, afraid that if you spoke too loud, you’d reignite his temper

♡ he rushed over to your side, immediately opening up his strong arms for you to enter, if you wished, ‘i’d never hit you.’

♡ both his eyes and tone seemed sincere so without even thinking, you found yourself leaning into his embrace, his arms holding you close - but gently

♡ you really had no reason not to believe him as he’s never harmed you purposely in the past and he didn’t plan on harming you just there; he didn’t even plan on intimidating you but that kinda just happened involuntarily

♡ he had so much on his mind, so much he needed so say at once, so much he wanted you to know. hence, it all came out as rambles. 

♡ ‘i love you, (y/n). i love you so much. i don’t want anyone to hurt you - including myself. i just want you to feel safe - i want you to be safe - so i’ll leave if you don’t feel that way with me around. i can understand why you wouldn’t. but heh, i guess it’s quite funny because i feel the safest when i’m with you. well, it’s not funny - i’m actually gonna miss you like hell - but it’s ironic. i wouldn’t even dream of harming you, love, but i don’t expect you to live in fear constantly so yeah, i’ll go if you want me to.’

♡ you blinked rapidly against his chest, pulling back to look him in the eyes and to your surprise, he appeared to be in more tears than you

♡ ‘i love you too, atsumu.’ you cooed, wiping away one of his tears with your shivering hand, ‘we don’t have to break-up. i mean, truthfully, i feel safe when you’re around too.’

♡ he let out an audible sigh of relief, ‘thank goodness.’

♡ a few moments passed of you just silently enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms until he spoke up once again while placing an infintite amount of kisses on your forehead, punctuating each kiss with an ‘i love you.’

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he was sitting beside you on the bed but he had long before withdrew his arm which rested behind your head when you expressed your concern surrounding his hostile behaviour lately 

♡ ‘omi, i’m too ti--’

♡ ‘don’t call me that.’

♡ you sighed as you realised that this had spiralled into a heated fight which you really didn’t intend for it to become. all you wanted to do was talk to him about how rude he’s been to you and the baby as of recently and try to work out a solution but he had turned this into something way bigger than it needed to be.

♡ the remarks he was throwing around - as if they were nothing - resulted in a wrath bubbling in the pits of your stomach, which had been present and building up since the start of sakusa’s attitude problems 

♡ you knew that if this argument didn’t stop soon, you’d lash out on him and although you really didn’t have a problem with that in theory, you had spent hours trying to get the baby to fall asleep and you didn’t want to risk waking them up with the noise 

♡ and though you hated to give sakusa (mental) praise in a situation like this, you had to admit that he was good at keeping his voice down even while angry

♡ so you decided that it was best to diffuse this situation quickly and pick it up at a later date, ‘you know what, kiyoomi--’

♡ ‘don’t call me that either.’ at this point it was clear he was just saying that to piss you off, and it was working

♡ ‘--i’m going to bed; i’m tired from doing all the work in this damn house. we’ll talk about this later.’

♡ sakusa quirked a brow, scoffing at your statement despite the fact it was completely true 

♡ ‘no, let’s talk about it right now. since you clearly have a lot to say.’ 

♡ instead of replying, you gave him what he deserved - the silent treatment

♡ you casually pulled off your slippers, tossing them aside, proceeding to do other nightly activities - while completely ignoring his presence - then reached down to pull the duvet over yourself so you could drift into sweet, serene slumber to imagine a life where sakusa acted like loved you again  

♡ ‘(y/n).’ sakusa snapped, his voice sharp and demanding, ‘listen to me. talk to me- god, you’re so immature.’

♡ your eyes widened; out of the corner of your eye you saw him quickly raise his arm

♡  during your three years of marriage with sakusa, not once had he ever purposefully harmed you - physically or emotionally - but you were aware that what you were doing displeased him so your immediate reaction was to turn away and shield yourself with your forearms

♡ sakusa froze

♡ moments passed and you had yet to feel the impact of his hand so you lowered your defences to peer at him, only to see that his arm was stretched upwards as he yawned

♡ his gaze flickered between you and his arm - he was truly at a loss for words at what he just witnessed

♡ a lump formed at the back of his dry throat as he didn’t dare to speak, trying to communicate all his emotions through his eyes which grew increasingly difficult as they began to burn with tears and ache from the elongated period of time he went without blinking 

♡ he wanted to tell you that he’d never lay an finger on you in that way, that he adores you and he was aware of how he’s been treating you recently but he was previously too arrogant to change his ways. now he was ready to change though, if it’s not too late. 

♡ but all that came out was a choked syllable followed by a cough 

♡ ‘are you okay, omi?’ you tilted your head, watching as your husband coughed his lungs out beside you, his puffy, irritated eyes squeezed shut

♡ he eventually managed to catch his breath and the first thing he did was offer his shaky hand to you 

♡ though you were reluctant at first, upon meeting his gaze, it was as though his fury had melted away. his eyebrows were no longer knitted together, his judgemental sneer was now a gentle smile he wore to try reassure you and the way he looked at you resembled how he did on your wedding day. all the resentment, all the stress and all irritation was gone - which left you with the considerate, understanding man you had married. 

♡ you fingers found their way to his as you slowly intertwined them together, ‘we should, uh, g-get some rest, yeah?’ you stuttered, your lips gradually curling into a weak grin

♡ a faint hum of agreement could be heard from sakusa as he shuffled so he was now laying down, with a duvet draped over him 

♡ though he lay with the intention of going to sleep, he kept his hand locked with yours all throughout the night

[quaranmine]

The Babysitting Game

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, Grian doesn't have a child but he does have an egg and a village. That’s basically the same thing, right?

Grian acquires an egg. His friends help him.

No romantic relationships or content warnings. Mainly fluff! Hermits: Grian, Mumbo, Pearl, and Scar. My first publish fanfic since 2016 and my first hermitcraft fanfic :D ao3 link and some inspirations to be linked in a reblog

Words: 2862

•·················•·················•

"What if I touched it really quick?" Scar asked.

"No, don’t-don’t touch the egg," Grian said seriously. "Look, I even made a sign! It specifically says ‘Do not touch.’" He gestured to the sign in question, but Scar ignored him.

"Can I rub it?" he said. The man leaned over it, studying the object carefully. Grian hadn’t known where to place the egg when he got it, and it was just sitting on an anvil for the time being. He didn’t even have a starter house yet, but clearly he was going to need something soon if he was going to protect the egg from some of the more . . . mischievous residents of their Boatem village.

“No, don’t touch the egg! Scar-” Grian walked closer, hands outstretched, just in time to see Scar reach out with his hand and pat the egg.

Vworp!

The egg disappeared into thin air.

Dragon eggs had a tendency to do that. It was a survival tactic--Grian didn't really know how it worked, but just as endermen could teleport away from danger, so could the egg if it were touched. Now whether or not Scar was dangerous remained up for debate…

Scar giggled. "Oh, where did you go?" he sang, hunting around the area.

Well, he COULD be pretty scary sometimes.

"Scarrrr," Grian whined, helping him look. "I told you not to touch it!"

"It's over here!" Scar shouted, finding the egg at the bottom of a small slope nearby. "Just one more time…." He reached out again.

"No!" Grian said, slapping his hand away. "Look, you've got to pick it up the right way." He demonstrated, carefully lifting the egg and placing it in a pouch slung over his back. He had hurriedly stitched it together not too long ago, worried that transporting the egg normally might break it. “If you do it roughly, you’ll scare it and it’ll teleport away again.”

"I see!" said Scar.

"Now, please, don't touch the egg.”

"Oh," Scar said. He straightened. "You're really serious about this."

Grian glared. "I am."

"I'm sorry, I just thought it was funny!"

Grian sighed. "It's okay, Scar. It's just--this thing is a baby, it needs to be handled gently! You can't just go around scaring it! What if it falls into a hole or something?" he hissed.

"Oh my god," Scar laughed, "you're its mother now!"

"No, no, I'm not!"

"You are!" Scar cried. He suddenly stopped. "Oh no, didn't you kill its mother?"

"Well it doesn't know that!" Grian snapped. "Truthfully I didn't realize there would be an egg! And I couldn't just leave it, you know! Here, look at this." Grian gently withdrew the egg from its pack, and Scar moved closer. He held it up to the sun. "Look at that."

The sun shined dark red through the deep purple shell of the egg, making it glow within. In the middle, the silhouette of a curled up creature was illuminated. Blood vessels radiated outward, and at the bottom there was a blank space that Grian assumed was air. The egg’s shell was too thick for any detail to be made out, but the processes happening within were clear. Grian was enchanted with it.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

"Wow," Scar breathed. "There's actually a dragon in there! What're you gonna do with it after it hatches?"

"Well, I haven't exactly thought that far--I just want to worry about keeping it safe first. I mean, what do you even do with this thing?" Grian put the egg back in its satchel, and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I suppose you keep it warm and safe but, like, I don't know what else-"

"I could help!" Scar said.

"You were just playing with it!"

"Hey," Scar said defensively, "that was before I knew more about it!"

Grian rolled his eyes.

“What are you guys doing over here?” said Mumbo, wandering over. Grian just knew he’d been up to something, and sure enough, there was a new tree next to his little collection of chests. Grian wasn’t very bothered by it, because he already had a plan to get Mumbo back for it.

“Grian is just showing me his new baby!” Scar teased. “He’s a mom now.”

“I am NOT its mother,” replied Grian tiredly, but he smiled at the sight of the other man.

“A baby?” Mumbo asked, choosing to ignore the rest of Scar’s statement.

“A dragon egg,” Grian answered. “I found it in the End.” He paused for a moment, feeling almost bad. “After I killed the dragon.”

“Grian! You’ve orphaned it!” Mumbo sounded scandalized.

“Why do you all keep bringing that up!?” he defended, glancing between Mumbo and Scar, who both gave him disapproving, albeit playful, looks. “I know you’re Mr. Peace, Love and Plants this time, but we’ve always killed the dragon in every new world!”

“Well, I guess that’s true, but it is a little sad isn’t it? You’re taking care of it but only because you killed its mum.”

“Yeah,” was all Grian said. The dragon always needed to be taken care of in each new world they visited, and while it was always a bit of a shame, he’d never really contemplated it that much. After all, he normally wasn’t the one who fought it--that last time in Evo aside. He didn’t really know what he had gotten into but he felt deeply like he needed to protect this egg. It was like a tug in his chest, drawing him into the egg and telling him not to let go.

“Show him the egg!” Scar said.

“You just want to see it again,” Grian replied, but pulled the egg out of the satchel again anyway for Mumbo to see. The surface of the egg wasn’t smooth, like a chicken’s egg, but bumpy. The purple spots almost seemed to glow, and occasionally little violet particles drifted off of it. Grian felt like he could stare at it in awe all day, and apparently his friends felt the same.

“How’re you going to keep it warm?” asked Mumbo after a moment of admiring it. “That satchel isn’t going to be enough, and to be frank, I don’t see you spending any time sitting on it, even if the mental image is pretty funny.”

Grian rolled his eyes at the comment, but thought about it. How would he incubate it? He may have had wings, but he didn’t know anything about eggs, other than that it was a safe bet to assume it needed to be kept warm. “I'm not sure, actually.”

“Hey, let me design something for you!” Mumbo said excitedly. “I could probably use some redstone and make an incubator of some sort for you.”

Grian smiled. “I’d really appreciate that.”

Asking Mumbo to create a contraption for him--what could go wrong?

•·················•·················•

“I’m not wearing this thing, you know.” Grian said, holding the contraption while Mumbo wheezed with laughter in the background. The design that Mumbo had come up with was essentially a backpack with heating elements strung through it, except for one thing . . .

“You-you wear it in the front,” Mumbo choked out, wiping a tear from his eyes.

“Yes, I see that,” Grian replied, unamused.

“Like a swaddle!”

“Yes, I see that.”

Mumbo laughed harder. Grian had to begrudgingly admit that it was well designed, however. It would fit the egg perfectly, keep it warm, and most important it was mobile to ensure that he could take the egg with him. It was thoughtful, especially since Mumbo knew Grian was quite protective of it.

“I’m not wearing this thing,” Grian repeated. “I’m not going to let you all laugh at me while I walk around the server with an egg swaddled to me!”

“I thought you’d say that,” Mumbo chuckled. “Here, you can switch the straps around and turn it into a backpack.” He unclipped the straps and moved them into the new configuration.

“Thank you, Mumbo,” he said gratefully. “This will certainly do the trick.”

“Glad to hear it mate,” Mumbo replied. “Now, while you’re here, may I ask why there is an incredibly tall tree on top of my camper?”

“Sorry, got to go!” blurted Grian, snatching the backpack from Mumbo’s arms and flying off in a burst of feathers.

“That’s unfair, I don’t even have an elytra yet to go chase him down with,” muttered the man as he watched Grian disappear.

•·················•·················•

Grian sat in the grass in front of his starter home and rubbed his eyes wearily. He was exhausted. Is this how all parents feel? he wondered. Was he just uniquely unqualified to be one? After all, this was only an egg! It hadn’t even hatched yet and he was already tired of keeping up with it.

Carrying it in the backpack was heavy, and Grian tired out quickly. It was hot on his back, and Grian found himself having to take breaks to avoid overheating. It was also cumbersome, and he found it difficult to build with as it shifted his weight. He almost fell off the roof once while building it! Of course, having wings meant that Grian could catch himself easily, but it had still given him quite the scare. Dragon eggs were pretty sturdy, and would teleport themselves out of danger if possible, but he was still so paranoid about breaking it. And now there was the Boatem Hole to worry about--what if it teleported itself into the void? These things kept Grian awake at night.

But if he left it...well, just like Grian had a tendency to lose items in his chest monsters, he also had a tendency to forget where he placed things. He had been forced to go back and rescue the egg from some place he’d left it more than once, which he wasn’t exactly proud of. What sort of parent forgot their child?

. . . He was definitely not admitting to being its parent.

Oh God, what did I get myself into?

“Hey Grian, what’re you up to?” came a voice, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up and saw Pearl standing over him. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and her hands were in her hoodie pockets. She took a seat on the ground next to him, and followed his gaze overlooking the Boatem village. “What’s on your mind?”

“This--this egg,” said Grian. It sat next to him in its backpack, still radiating heat. “I don’t know what to do with it. I’m just so tired of carrying it around!”

“I have to admit,” Pearl said, “I didn’t expect you to immediately adopt a baby dragon the very next time I saw you.”

“Yeah, well, it was an accident.” Grian groaned. “I don’t know what to do with it now, let alone when it hatches!”

Pearl thought for a moment. “You know, the rest of us are all here for you. The other hermits would be happy to help out, I’m sure.”

The other hermits . . . well of course they would. If it was one thing they were all good at, it was supporting each other. Scar had already taken a particular interest in the egg, although Grian was still a little suspicious of him scaring it again. Mumbo had specially designed an incubator for it. Pearl was visiting him to check up on him and offer help.

All Grian had to do was convince himself to let it go. To let them help.

“I know that but . . .”

“But what? Have you had any reason to believe they wouldn’t?” Pearl asked.

“Well, no.” He thought for a while. He thought of how his friends would lend materials when needed, or how they’d help replace someone’s armor and items if they were lost. He thought about the days where they all teamed up and chose one hermit to help out, and he thought about all the things they did for the good of the entire community without even being asked.

His desire to protect the egg was strong, and putting it into the hands of another person almost felt like simultaneously a betrayal of the egg itself and the biggest leap of faith he could take. But the hermits were good at leaps of faith, because someone was always there to catch you.

“You think it’d be okay?”

“I know it’ll be okay,” Pearl replied. “I haven’t been here very long but from what I’ve seen, I know they’d all help. They wouldn’t hurt it. They might be a little mischievous sometimes,” she said, glancing at Scar’s house, “but they know how important it is and would be happy to help. They helped you before, didn’t they?”

Pearl was right, of course. Nobody on the server had any desire to hurt the egg. He trusted that. If there was anyone that he could trust, it was them.

But how would he get them all to essentially sign up for babysitting?

An idea struck him, and Grian scrambled to his feet. “Pearl, you’re brilliant. Thank you!”

She blinked, a little startled. “Always happy to help.”

•·················•·················•

Grian stood back, admiring his work. A near perfect duplicate of the egg that was currently sitting in the backpack slung around his shoulder, but at a much larger scale. It was built out of obsidian blocks and crying obsidian for the spots, and if Grian was pretty proud of how it looked.

If Grian knew anything, it was that his friends loved minigames. And Grian was not above gently exploiting that fact to get a little help--just like barge game from the last world, where he managed to get his friends to help mine out the stone from next to his mansion. Just slap the title of “game” on something and you could get a hermit to sign up for anything.

“Now . . . I just have to write the signs on the inside.”

The game Grian had come up with was officially called Tegg--he needed to stay on brand with his tag games in every world--but he’d mentally been calling it “The Babysitting Game” for a while now. Because that’s what it really was--each hermit who signed up would also sign up to watch the egg and keep it safe. He set to work outlining the rules.

RULE ONE: Protect the egg and keep it safe.

RULE TWO: Keep the egg incubated or it’ll die.

RULE THREE: Keep a close eye on the egg.

RULE FOUR: Call Grian if it starts to hatch.

Satisfied, he wrote out the rest of the instructions. Because it was a game, he wanted to make it fun for the hermits too, so he’d decided to make it like a scavenger hunt. People were allowed to take the egg, provided they adhered to the rules, and were encouraged to hide it and keep it safe. Otherwise, someone else who wanted to have it could get it. The safer the egg was, the less likely for someone else to find it. The winner was whoever had the egg the longest when it finally hatched. Grian didn’t know how long that would take, but he didn’t want to miss it either, hence rule four.

Yep, totally outsourcing his babysitting onto his friends.

Grian squinted at his wall of signs, before placing one final sign at the bottom: Grian will track the game and has final say on points and rules!

“That should do it,” he mumbled. He still wanted to keep an eye on the egg, to make sure that he knew who had it and how many people’s hands it had gone through. After all, he was the one ultimately responsible for it.

Grian pulled the egg out of the backpack and carefully placed it on the ground. He’d somehow made a habit of just speaking to it every now and then--he had no idea if the little dragon could hear anything in there, but he liked to think that it could. “Hey there,” he whispered, and stroked the top of the egg. “Some new people are going to start taking you pretty soon, but it’s okay. They’re going to give me some help and make sure you’re safe.”

He paused, taking in the little room he’d made and the wall of signs he’d written with meticulous instructions for the egg’s care. It may have been the first thing he’d built for this egg, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be his last. A baby dragon was a commitment and for the first time Grian really let himself think about what that meant, beyond just an egg that he had to carry around. Would he house it? Train it? Let it stay by his side? Would he love it?

I think I already do, he thought.

He thought of the hermits--their mischievousness, their pranks, their hard work, their friendship, and their goodness at heart. They were his family, now. What was one more addition?

“It’s okay,” he whispered to the egg. “I trust them all with my life, but more importantly, I trust them with yours.”

[kodzuvii]

ON TRACK! ✩ [14: so, I guess we’re soulmates?]

next: [15: the rock wannabe]

pairing - iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre - crack + fluff :) soulmate au!

synopsis - In a world where soulmates can hear the songs their partner is singing or listening too at any time, Iwaizumi Hajime wants to know who his soulmate is so he can give them a piece of his mind and tell them to stop singing along to soft lofi songs while he’s in the middle of practice because it’s seriously ruining his cool, calm, and collected image.

wc: 4k

warnings!: grammar issues plz ignore + awkward phone call between two overthinking teenagers? 

a/n: this is severely long overdue and I apologize deeply for that. the taglist for this series is open! more info will be found in the note after the story! ty :)

“Nee-chan’s weakness #16: overthinks more often than usual when under a lot of pressure”

Akaashi loved you. He really did. But if the higher-ups gave him an option to choose a new older sister, then maybe, just maybe, he would consider taking it. As he watched you frantically pace around his room with your dog (who looked quite scared) in your arms, he wondered if you viewed him more of a personal therapist rather than a little sibling.

His evening was going normal. After a long day of practice, all he intended to do was read a book after dinner and maybe watch a movie with Tofu afterwards just before bed. Nowhere in his plans were for you to barge into his room unannounced with an evident look of panic on your face while mumbling incoherent words. 

Your hair was a mess and you were clad in an oversized sweater and superman pajama pants with Tofu in one of your arms while your phone was being held tightly in your other hand. All he could get from the words leaving your lips at a 1.75 playback speed was “soulmate” and “phone call” and “not ready.” 

Akaashi watched you stop in your tracks and pull out his desk chair. You plopped yourself onto the seat, face warm and flushed as you tried to recall how you were feeling. “No Keiji I’m telling you that any second now, my soulmate is gonna call me and uhm? Quite frankly, my brain can’t process that and I am fucking scared.” 

Akaashi hummed, “nee-chan calm down.” Tofu then jumped out of your arms and leaped onto Akaashi’s bed. He walked up and cuddled up near the setters side which made Akaashi smile before turning his attention back to you. 

You rolled your eyes and crossed your legs and spun around on his chair, “no Kei this is serious. This first phone call is basically equivalent to a meet-cute which also means the first impressions. I feel like his first impression already isn’t good because I literally injured his friend so this is my moment to redeem myself” you rambled. 

Akaashi made eye contact with Tofu and even the poor dog looked concerned at your state.

“Kei, what if this is all a mistake? I mean the universe must be against me somehow right? What if he hates me the moment I answer and then next thing you know he’s telling me that he wants us to reject each other and then I’m gonna be left all alone to roam around this miserable world and-mph!”

You flinched back as you felt a soft pillow collide with your face and stop your ramble. You looked down at the pillow on the floor and snapped your head up to your brother, “what was that for!” Akaashi rolled his eyes and petted Tofu with his right hand, “you overthink too much” he replied simply. 

You narrowed your eyes at him but you couldn’t come up with any comeback in your head. He was right after all. You groaned and stood up from the spinny chair and walked over to his bed before belly-flopping down. You leaned over and grabbed the blue pillow near his headboard and Akaashi watched as you screamed into the plush material. 

You were losing it.

“This sucks Keiji, I’m terrible at phone calls. I don’t even answer Otosan’s phone calls so how the fuck am I supposed to answer my soulmates?”

In Miyagi, Iwaizumi unknowingly found himself in a similar state as you. The moon was shining from his window and the light cascaded a soft glow into his room. With his windows wide open, he could feel the cool breeze blowing in and slightly brushing over his face. But the breeze didn’t help calm his nerves at all.

Iwa was a simple guy, really he was. 

As someone who meditated regularly as well as found good coping mechanisms that would help calm his stress levels down, you would think that he’d be relaxed in this situation.

But no, Iwa was also internally panicking. Being the stubborn boy he was, he tried to play it off and cool himself down by fooling himself into believing that he was fine and that he had everything under control.

He didn’t

Iwa cracked his neck and looked back down at his phone. He was sitting on the sides of his bed, hand gripping tightly onto his phone as his eyes stared at your number displayed on the screen right under your name and his thumb barely hovering over the call button. 

“Okay. I’m gonna do it,” he thought to himself for the nth time in the past 10 minutes.

He took a deep breath and gave himself an internal word of encouragement and made the move. ‘So close’ he thought. “This is it, I’m gonna do it” But just as his thumb barely, just barely, made contact with the screen, he pulled it back and harshly threw his phone at his pillow. He closed his eyes and groaned in frustration as he fell back, his back hitting his mattress.

This was starting to piss him off. 

It was just a phone call. 

Him simply contacting and talking verbally to someone through his phone. 

He was fine.

Right?

Yeah no, he was totally fine. Pft He’s had phone calls before. In fact, he had done it several times with several people (that’s a lie he only picks up to his parents and maybe Oikawa on good days) Why was this so hard? Phone calls are a natural thing. Especially in the 21st century. He wasn’t some old man who had no idea how to talk on the phone. 

He got this. 

But wait, did you even want him to call you first? What if you wanted to call him first? Wait what if he asked you during the wrong time and you’re tired? 

Iwaizumi then lifted his head slightly to look at the clock on his bedside table. It was 8 pm. It wasn’t that late right? You would’ve told him if you were busy right? Wait what if you’re an early bird who liked catching a full 12 hours of sleep. Or what if you were just too scared to tell him you weren’t in the mood to call. God, there were so many factors he should’ve thought about before asking you. He blinked and heaved a frustrated sigh as he looked up to his ceiling. This was a lot harder than he’d thought. 

If there was one thing he learned from Oikawa’s fangirls is that girls are scary.

You were no exception to that idea.

Iwaizumi took a deep breath before pulling himself back up and leaned over to grab his phone. He turned it to the side and made sure once again that his ringer was on and that the volume was all the way up just in case you know, you wanted to call first and save him from all the stress he was feeling. 

He stared at your contact information and gripped his phone tighter. Your contact didn’t even have a photo and your name was just ‘Akaashi Y/n’ on his phone. Everything that happened between you two from the past couple of weeks flooded his head and he couldn’t help but internally cringe. He silently cursed at Oikawa for bringing him into this situation because maybe, just maybe, he could’ve held off this first phone call and wait for a couple of years when his voice would be a lot deeper and he would be a lot cooler and he wouldn’t be sitting on his bed with a pathetic expression while listening to his phone ring and-

Wait,

Ring?

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened as he now realized that he must’ve subconsciously pressed the call button on his screen. This was it, there was no turning back now. His olive-green eyes stared blankly at his screen. He kept blinking and re-reading your name and just hoping silently that it would change from your name to Oikawa’s so he could yell out all his frustration at him. 

A couple of seconds went by before the ringing stopped and he felt his breath hitch when his ears picked up the sound of your voice on the other line. 

“Hello?”

Oh, shit this was really happening

It’s been 3 seconds, shut up Hajime. 

Iwaizumi cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Hey, Akaashi-chan right?”

“Mhm but please just call me Y/n! oh and uh hi Iwaizumi-kun” 

Iwaizumi blinked, he doesn’t know why but he felt his cheeks heat up as he heard his name come out of your lips. Iwaizumi cleared his throat before bringing a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “Uh- how are you doing?” he asked. Oh my god, you probably picked up on how unconfident he sounded. This is horrible. He winced and brought his hand to his forearm, rubbing it in an attempt to ease down his nerves. 

“I’m doing okay, did you uhm-- eat yet??” 

Iwaizumi stiffened, taken back a bit at the question but you interrupted him before he could reply. “I-I’m guessing you got back from practice not too long ago right? Assuming you stayed back late and stuff,” you trailed off. Wincing at your own awkwardness. Iwaizumi pinched his forearm and chuckled nervously, “No-uhm you’re right I got back a couple of hours ago. And yeah, I ate already. Did you?” He asked back, You shook your head, “no not yet. Been busy reviewing and all that stuff” you answered truthfully as you glanced up at your stacks of opened notebooks and coloured highlighters messily spread around all over your desk.

Iwaizumi grunted, his nervousness momentarily washing away as concern came over him. “Y/n, you can’t neglect your health. Cut some fruit up or something” You froze for a second at how stern he sounded just now. Then you realized that this could just be his natural voice and you’re just reading into it too much. Oh god you were starting to overthink again. How did Bokuto and your brother get past their first conversation?

Your silent curses towards the world were cut short when you realized that too many seconds passed and Iwaizumi was still waiting for your reply. Like you do in any unsure situation, you stifled a laugh and nodded while scratching your knee awkwardly, “I will I will.” 

A long line of silence then came through and there were no other words to describe it other than awkward. The faint buzzing of your phone sounded louder than ever. You could hear the wind blowing, the clock ticking, and the way your legs would shuffle against each other as you fidgeted. The silence between you two was long, tense, and uncomfortable. The kind of silence that made people want to die on the inside. You both started to question the situation you were in. You had the same goal, both wanting to learn more about your soulmate. Yet you’re lack of comfort and his lack of confidence made things more nerve wracking than it should be. 

In an attempt to ease the tension, you tried to think of something you could say that would loosen both of you up. A quick little sentence that was casual and good for conversation starters. You thought for a second, trying to recall your favourite movie couples and what words they said to each other during their meet cute. You needed something smooth, simple, but something that could address the situation you were in. It then clicked in your mind, 5 words, 5 syllables (or did it count as 7?) whatever.

 All your time spent watching incredibly dramatic romance movies has led up to this moment. 

“So…” you started in a casual tone.

“I guess we’re soulmates huh?”

The moment those words left your mouth your mind short-circuited and you wanted the ground to swallow you up whole. It definitely sounded way cooler in your head. God what were you thinking? And why did you make it sound like it was a question. stupid. Barely 10 minutes in and you’ve already embarrassed yourself. 

You fell back onto your bed (Akaashi kicked you out of his room) and covered your hand over your mouth and moved your phone away from your face and let out a tiny scream so that Iwa would not be able to hear. Maybe you weren’t as smooth as you thought. However, that didn’t matter anymore. The words had been said and now the embarrassment was eating you up and every single bad scenario you had previously imagined began to cloud your mind. This was it, you’re soulmate definitely thought you were a loser, bye-bye happiness and hello staying sad and single until you fall into your grave.

Your ears perked up when you heard him clear his throat. You sat up, moved your phone closer to your ear as you anticipated his reply.

“Yeah I guess”

Your body tensed up at how unsure and bored he sounded. And you thought this moment couldn’t become anymore embarrassing. You physically felt your soul leave your body the moment he spoke those words in such a bored tone. This is gonna be a moment that would forever haunt you in the years to come.  

Phone calls were neither of you guys’ strong suits and that fact was clearly evident in the way neither of you knew what to say next. While you could handle carrying yourself in real-life conversations, the closeness of someone's voice against your ear and their lack of presence in front of you made things made things more stressful than it should be. Iwaizumi was naturally not much of a talker, he usually let his flamboyant best friend that was joint to his hip take control of conversations. It didn’t help that most people found him rather intimidating and unapproachable.

The silence stretched out for another minute and the longer before you decided to speak up once again. You agreed to call because you wanted to learn more about him, your soulmate, and there was no way you could learn anything about him by just listening to the faint sounds of his breath through your phone. You shook your head and gave yourself a mini pep talk in your head. 

Come on Y/n, pussy up bitch.

“Iwaizumi-kun I’m gonna be honest-”

Iwaizumi's hands that were playing with the cotton material of his sweatpants froze. His voice got stuck in his throat and a part of him became worried. Curse his lack of conversational abilities. He was too lost in second guessing himself while structuring his sentences about what he wanted to say to realize that you were probably waiting for him to say something. Did he already mess things up with his soulmate?

“-I suck at phone calls. Like, I’m terrible at it and I’m honestly really nervous right now because this whole thing is a bit overwhelming but I want to get to know more about you because well, you seem pretty cool” you rambled and were met with silence on the other line. Iwaizumi suddenly felt himself get flustered the moment you said that he was cool. 

You sighed and continued, trying to ease the way your heart was pounding against your chest. “Truthfully I don’t know what to say or what we should talk about, so we can start with the basics, yeah?” You cleared your throat and straightened yourself up as you took a deep breath.

“Hi Iwaizumi-kun, I’m Y/n”

It took a moment for his mind to process the words you said. Basics. Yeah, he was capable of doing that. After taking a deep breathe, one that was meant to give him some sort of encouragement, he replied. You felt chills go up your back as his gruff voice echoing through the speaker;

“Hey, I’m Iwaizumi”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

First real conversations were never easy. A part of you felt like you were back in your first year of junior high when your teacher was forcing you to play ice-breaker games in an attempt to get to know the people in your class. The questions were the usual “what’s your favourite food?”, “when's your birthday?”, etc etc. 

However, instead of getting to know your classmates, the game would usually just result in everyone staring at one another as they waited for someone to speak up. An awkward tension cutting into the classroom as everyone simultaneously realizes that everyone was kinda lame and boring and that they don’t really wanna get to know the people who sat beside them. 

You hoped that wouldn’t be the case with Iwaizumi. You’ve known you’d had a soulmate since middle school. Since then, you’ve always fantasized about your meet-cute. You’ve watched many romantic movies and read more than enough manga to fuel your brain with endless cute imaginations and ideas. 

But alas, the reality of the world is that cute scenarios are simply meant to live in fictional stories. Akaashi had even told you that you needed to humble down your expectations to save yourself from disappointment in the future. 

The first couple words exchanged in your conversation weren’t poetic words of love confessions and sweet nothings. They were typical, short common questions that people generally use to learn more about each other. The expected “when’s your birthday?” and “what do you do in your free time?”

You learned about how his birthday was during June, his favourite colour was dark green, he liked agedashi tofu, and how he spent his free time doing some sort of exercise or physical activity. Iwaizumi was also relatively quiet, truth be told you did most of the talking while he said quiet words to let you know that he was still listening. Along with being quiet, he was private. A direct contrast to you. You were an open book, your mouth moved faster than your mind and you had not much of a problem telling him about little details about yourself.

Iwaizumi on the other hand was selective on what he wanted to tell you. Iwaizumi was simple. A down to earth guy who had his own little sense of edginess to him. He was levelheaded and was someone who strived for realistic goals rather than unreasonable daydreams. You caught that when he simply answered that his goal right right now was to attend nationals with his best friend. When you asked if he had further goals, he simply said that everything else was too far into the future and was out of his reach. You could also tell that even though he used names such as “piece of trash” and “shittykawa” to describe his said best friend, he cared for him in his own way. 

Iwaizumi always had a feeling that his soulmate would be the more talkative one out of the two of them. He wasn’t reserved per se, just wasn’t one to ramble over things when deemed unnecessary. You on the other hand could talk for hours. Just from listening to your speaking patterns and tone of voice, you were bright and confident. You found ways to stray away from the original topic and talk about something completely different. On top of learning about your birthday, favourite food, colour, and basically everything he told you, he also somehow learned about your allergy to raspberries, your admiration for early 2000s movies, how you had a dog who you also considered like another brother, and now he was listening to you retell a story about how you got into baking and cooking.

You were carefree once you became comfortable. Your voice was captivating, one that made people always pay attention to whatever you were saying. He listened intently as you went on about your story, he hummed here and there to indicate that he was listening and nodded along even though he knew you wouldn’t see. 

A part of him felt relieved to hear you speak so freely. While you never directly came to him, he could tell from your Twitter rants that you were going through a lot of stress from school. Iwaizumi may have only met you formally recently, but he’s listened to your taste in music long enough to have an idea about how the songs you were playing indicated your moods. You had been playing such gloomy music during the past couple of weeks but he was still too nervous and felt like he was overstepping a line if he became too upfront and told you to tell him what’s wrong.

Yeah, you were soulmates, but you technically didn’t know him just like how he didn’t know you. 

Nonetheless, a part of him felt relieved at hearing the genuine excitement in your voice because he knew that at this very moment, you were feeling okay.

“-and that’s how I baked a cake to persuade my brother into not telling our Mom that we sneaked out to the convenience store at 4 am,” you said cheerfully as you recalled the memory. You had switched from sitting at your bed to now sitting on your chair and leaning your upper body onto your desk. You moved your word out of the way and had your elbows propped up on the surface of your desk, your head leaning onto your phone in your hands. A part of you felt giddy when you heard the faintest chuckle come from the other end of the line. 

The awkward tension between you two was fizzling out and you no longer felt as nervous as you did in the beginning. You were slowly and surely becoming a bit more comfortable with his presence. Truthfully, Iwaizumi still felt a bit awkward. Not that he minded you talking a lot, he just didn’t know what to say and was worried that you found him boring like how Oikawa said he was. 

He really was trying. It just wasn’t in his character to be so open about himself.

“Y/n, you know how dangerous that could've been?”

“Shh, my brother was practically a giant back when we were in junior high so he was enough to scare any creeps away. Plus, I already knew then that the elbow is the strongest point in the body so I would’ve been able to fight any sort of dangerous threat!” you exclaimed. “That is not a good excuse,” he replied in an unamused tone. 

You huffed, “At least I know something about self-defence” you attempted to reason. You only heard Iwaizumi reply with a simple ‘tched’ which made you laugh.

It was then that you looked onto the clock at the corner of your desk and realized how late it was and it was also then that you remembered that you still had some notes that you wanted to write up before you went to bed. Curse University prep. You were so lost in your conversation with the boy that time slipped past your mind along with your other responsibilities. Just when you two had started getting into a comfortable rhythm too. You sighed sadly which immediately caught Iwaizumi’s attention. 

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. You shook your head and removed your phone from your ear and pressed the speaker button on your phone screen. You placed your phone on your desk and stood up to organize the notebooks you had pushed aside on your desk. “Nothing bad, just remembered I had a couple more notes I wanted to finish up before bed,” you said with a hint of sadness in your voice. You wanted to continue your conversation with him and you really weren’t in the mindset to review your nutrition notes right now.

Iwaizumi paused to take a moment to look up at his wall clock and realized that it was nearing midnight. Iwaizumi felt a twinge of guilt inside of him when he realized that he kept you up so late. This was even past his own scheduled bedtime. 

“I didn’t mean to keep you up so late, my bad” he apologized. You stifled a laugh as a tired smile spread on your lips. “It’s not your fault. Something tells me that you’re the type of person who sleeps early so I should be apologizing for keeping you up” you replied. 

You suddenly yawned and stretched your arms over your head, “I’m gonna finish up and call in for the night. You should get some rest Iwaizumi-”

“Go to bed” You flinched slightly at how serious his voice got. 

“It’s late, you can finish up your notes tomorrow. Studying when you’re tired isn’t healthy. Get some sleep so you won’t feel extra tired and groggy tomorrow morning. If you’re gonna stay up, at least go and make yourself something to eat for tomorrow so you feel energized” 

You smiled tiredly, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Iwaizumi-kun. Oh and thank you for tonight, I enjoyed talking to you and I hope we can do this again” you shyly suggested. You closed your eyes as you clutched the material of your sweater to your chest as you waited for his answer. Iwaizumi felt a sense of relief rush into him knowing that you enjoyed talking to him. A sense of his self doubt momentarily washing away. You didn’t hear a reply for a moment and it worried you that you might’ve said the wrong thing. But a couple of moments passed before you heard a faint “Me too”

You moved your hand to hover over the red call button on your screen,

“Goodnight Iwaizumi-kun, sleep well”

“You too, Y/n”

The ‘beep’ from your phone indicating the call had ended echoed through your room. You stared at your phone for a moment as it dawned on you that you just had your first real conversation with your soulmate. And yeah it wasn’t the large extravagant straight-out-of-movie scene you had always envisioned but that didn’t matter. What mattered now was that you had talked to your soulmate and you knew a little bit more about him and he knew a little bit more about you. 

It was a start.

You yawned and stretched your arms up over your head once again and sighed in relief when you felt your back crack. Your arms dropped to your side and you frowned as your eyes looked down at your notebooks that you had now neatly stacked in your hands. You realized that you were far too tired to even open up your textbooks, let alone finish a couple pages of notes.

Thinking back to what Iwaizumi said, you could always tune in early for the night and finish everything up tomorrow in the library. Plus, waking up to something to energizing to eat didn’t sound so bad. It wasn’t going to take long and you figured you had a bit more energy left to cut up some fruit before surrendering yourself to sleep.

Content with your decision you turned around and made your way towards your door. However, just as you were about to step out you heard three buzzes from your phone come back to back. Curiously, you walked back towards your desk and leaned down to read the message:

“Hey, if you need someone to study with then let me know and we can facetime and I can keep you company. If you want to of course. No pressure if you’re not up for it”

“Oh and grapefruits are really good to have the morning by the way, they’re refreshing”

“rest well.”

a/n: hello! This chapter is very long overdue and I’m really sorry about that. I’m not gonna go into it but just know that this series is back and I hope to keep a steady flow of updates going :)

I struggled a lot with writing this chapter partly because I myself am terrible at phone calls but I hope this gives an insight to difference between Iwa and Yn!

I will be opening up taglist for any of my newer readers who would like to keep up with the updates of “on track!” Feel free to comment or send me a message : ) Regarding my current taglist, it’s been months and I’ve noticed a lot of people changed their @s so I tried to find everyone who changed their users. If I accidentally tagged you and you weren’t on my list let me know + inform me if i also missed you. If you no longer want to be added, then please let me know if you would like to be removed from the taglist. Thank you all so much for your patience and feel free to let me know about your thoughts down below :)

++ I just want to clarify iwaizumi’s initial care for Y/n’s well-being isn’t meant to be interpreted as “omg he’s falling for her already” and should be seen as just someone who cares about his soulmate and wants them to be healthy. He knows that YN is his soulmate and cares about her because of that. But it’s more of a platonic care at the moment. They’re soulmates, yes, but he’s not in love with her and Y/n is not in love with him (yet at least) ya gets?

yeah i’m just a fan of slow burn

I just wanted to say that just because I’m not confident in the way I wrote him 😅 thank you so much again for reading!

-

taglist! [OPEN; comment or send an ask to be added!]

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tags continue in comments w/ my main🤍

[misschifuyu]

Temporary

characters: sano manjiro (mikey) + gn! reader

genre: angst

warnings: swearing

It didn’t take a genius to notice.

At first, you figured it was simply because of work; busy work amongst the members that he had to deal with, taking up all his free time. You understood what it meant to be the leader of such a prestigious gang - if one could call it as such - so you didn’t think much of it.

“Did everything go okay today?”

“Yeah”

It was strange, to say the least, seeing him so quiet as you greeted him into your home. Having not seen him in a few days, you figured this would be a perfect opportunity to get together, one Wednesday afternoon you thought he would be free.

Of course, he had answered your text with an ‘okay’ to your suggestion; as a result, you were surprised to see him in such a glum mood.

That afternoon he had sat with you, but it felt as though the two of you were miles apart. Only a few words were exchanged, and you knew, without a doubt, that something wasn’t right.

Days passed on, and you tried to leave him some space. You knew well how much Mikey could get overwhelmed with life’s troubles, so you figured it was best to leave him sort them out before trying to intervene. The last thing you wanted was to make matters worse, after all, so you trusted it was the right decision.

Unfortunately, this ended up spanning into a week without knowing anything about him.

As it got to the 7th day, you couldn’t stop yourself from calling him. Grabbing your own, you clicked on his profile, a picture of the two of you showing up as you did.

What if something had happened to him?

Listening to the ringing tone by your ear, your mind drifted off into all the possibilities; despite knowing how your boyfriend was, you still worried for him. More than he could ever even imagine, frankly.

After a few seconds, you reckoned he wasn’t going to pick up. You couldn’t even begin to think of why, your legs taking you out into the streets of Tokyo as you hurried to the place you could only think he would be.

Near the riverbed.

Luckily, your house wasn't located too far from the spot where you had spent countless evenings throughout your relationship. It always seemed to bring Mikey a sense of serenity, watching the water flow by as he would rest on the grassy hill. Truthfully, you weren't entirely sure you'd find him there, but it was a place to start searching for him, at least.

Rounding the corner of the final block, you spotted a sitting figure. By the flowing, black jacket that was hung on the person's back, you recognised them immediately - unless another Toman member had decided to get a very similar haircut to your boyfriend, that is.

You were relieved, glad to know that you weren't going to have to search for him or even ask around for his whereabouts. And as far as you could tell, he didn't seem to be injured or in any bad state. Letting your chest heave out a deep breath from running just seconds earlier, you slowed down your pace to approach him.

He was silent. No surprise, seeing as he was alone, but as you got closer you could tell that he was far from being in a happy mood. The way his eyes were locked onto the distant view of the city made it clear that he was deep in though, and seeing as he wasn't accompanied by anyone, it would seem that he had come here to be alone with his thoughts.

A sense of pity filled your senses, and all you wanted to do was console him. But you knew that would be of no way to come up to him, so you stopped a few metres away from him, hoping he had already sensed your presence, so as to not startle him.

"...Manjiro?"

Addressing him by his first name, you remained still in your position. By his slow reaction, you assumed he had known you were there, but had chosen to ignore your presence until you spoke up.

He looked up at you with what could only be described as an empty stare. It worried you, seeing him look at you with such dull eyes, but you stood silent, waiting for him to speak up on his behalf.

"Why are you here?"

Far from what you had expected as the first words he aimed at you after a week's worth of disappearance, you sucked in a breath. Was this really his reaction upon seeing you after such a time period? And if you hadn't come, would he have continued to act as if you held no place in his life?

"I wanted to make sure you were doing okay...You haven't come over for a week, so I was starting to worry and-"

"It was for your own good"

Upon his interruption, you knitted your eyebrows together, a prominently confused look on your face.

"What?"

Mikey blinked away from you, looking instead towards whatever was behind you. He was avoiding eye contact with you, and that was the last thing you needed when you were trying to understand him. His distance had been a clear sign that something was wrong, and now he couldn't even bare to look straight at you.

"Things have been getting complicated as of late, and I didn't want to bother you with all of that"

Now that you had a closer look at him, you could see that he wasn't in the same shape he was always in. His right arm, which had been out of your sight until you stopped before him, showed a series of dark bruises, and a nasty cut was split by his top lip, clearly caused recently by the bright, red tones that made up the injury.

That wasn't to mention his ripped attire. Strewn across the sleeves and even the front piece, they looked to be a consequence from a knife, tearing the fabric in an attempt to reach him instead.

"Mikey, you know you would never bother me with any of this, you should've come to my house, I would've helped you"

With a shake of his head, the blond strands that you so loved to run your fingers through moved in sync with his movements.

"No, Y/N. Shit gets ugly after a fight, and the last thing I want is for you to see me like that. Can't you just be patient for a little longer?"

His tone was starting to sound aggravated, and you hadn't the faintest ideas as to why. All you had done was come up to him to ask about his wellbeing, and yet he was adamant in pushing you away.

"Patient? Mikey, I've been worried sick this past week, not knowing where you've been or what you've been doing. All I've gotten are ignored calls and messages, do you really expect me to just be alright with that?"

He had turned to look back at the river by now, listening to you but with what seemed to be very little interest. It was as if you were speaking to a wall, and you were starting to get worried that this wasn't going to end well.

The fact he didn't trust you enough to continue to be at his side when at his lowest point was giving you clear signs that something wasn't going right in the relationship. He had helped you countless times when you needed him, so how come he didn't allow himself to seek out your help in such times?

The silence between the two of you was heart wrenching.

"Manjiro? Are you even listening to me?"

Shoulders lifting, he closed his eyes momentarily before turning fully towards you.

"Y/N, I'm just fucking afraid you'll end up seeing me the way I see myself. It's not all sunshine and smiles, but I don't want you to see that because I know damn well you'll leave me if I show up to your house looking like this"

So he didn't.

He didn't believe he could count on you when he was going through tough moments. He truly thought you were so empty-hearted that you would leave him for something you knew right from the start could happen. Hell, you knew before even dating that he could show up busted and bloodied out of the blue.

And yet he had convinced himself that, somehow, you would ditch him because of it.

He had created a distance between the two of you, one that you had never thought even existed. On your behalf, such a gap had never even come to mind, but it seemed his just continued to grow.

"I would never leave you for something like that, Mikey...why would you even think of that? I love you for everything that you are, no matter the state you come home in"

"Don't lie to yourself, Y/N. I know what kind of person I can be, and it's far from something one would want to be with. I'm a worthless idiot who spends his days fighting endlessly without a clear objective...what if I end up doing the same to you?"

"Mikey, don't say that, you know-"

"No, I fucking don't, okay? Every damn day I'm scared that I could turn on everything that I know and love, and I don't want you to go through that"

You could feel a knot in your stomach as you took in his words, each one hurting more that the last. Why would he speak about himself like that? You knew he didn't have an easy life but, turn on everyone? That was far from the reality.

"But-"

"Look, I'm not dealing with this, now or ever. If it bothers you that much, you can leave. I'm not going to put you in any sort of danger, so if you see that as negligence, I don't see us getting any further than this"

That's how he felt.

That's how he felt about the relationship; something to be brushed off so easily in a matter of a few words.

Just a temporary circumstance.

[swtki]

Worries - Edward Cullen x Fem reader

Request: 

Happy birthday!!! I hope you have a wonderful day xox 1 & 9 please? They can be separate or together, whatever your creativity decides <3 

A/N: Thanks :), since you didn’t leave a character, I am going to use Edward Cullen. I rarely write for him so its time I do him justice. 

1. “You’ve always looked lovely in lavender”

9. “Get used to it, because its part of a package deal.”

WARNINGS: just angst mostly, fluff and swearing

SUMMARY: Y/N is unsure of her relationship with Edward, making her question if getting attached is the right thing for her to do. He won’t let her ignore his feelings for her. 

Until I had met Edward, I hated routine. The same day to day activities that dwell on meaningless little life activities. Same school, same small fucked up town. In a way, I thought a constant change was perfect. 

But then I met Edward, and suddenly I never wanted any change. I don’t want him to change, I don’t want him to be here Monday, gone on Tuesday. Maybe that’s selfish, and I know I would eventually go on, but I don’t want to. 

The day we met, I was sitting in the library, my face hidden behind a book. He walked over to my table, asking if he could take a seat next to me. 

“Please,” I said, pulling my bag off the chair. “You’re welcome to sit here, though the bell rings in seven minutes.” He pulled his lips into a tight grinned smile, making a smooth movement to sit down. Within a second, he mumbled something.

“Sorry? Did you say something?” He was looking down, I could tell he wasn’t sleeping. Suddenly, his golden eyes made contact with mine.

“I said, your sweater is quite nice.” I quickly looked down at my sweater, a lavender color, made of thick cotton. I mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ and went back to my book.

“You’ve always looked lovely in lavender” Edward wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling me out of my day-dream. “If I remember right, you weren’t too fond of my small talk.” I lean my head back into his cool neck, feeling the soles of my sneakers sink into the permanently wet grass in the courtyard.

“No, but I’m also not fond of you intruding on my inner monologue. When did you get here?” I ask, turning to face my boyfriend. 

“Here? I’ve been at school all day. How come you weren’t in biology today?” Edward puts a strand of hair behind my ear, I look away quickly.

“I was busy, hadn’t seen you all day so I thought you weren’t here. Skipped in the library.” I’m never good at this, explaining myself to him. I don’t push as to why I didn’t see him at lunch, I figure maybe his sibling had a moment or something.

I’m not as warm as Edward, never have been. It’s always been ironic, to me at least. I’m afraid of fucking up, he never worries about fucking me up because he can read my mind. He always knows what I want, what I need. But on my side, if I ever have any doubts, I have no idea what he needs. 

He’s looking at me with confusion, he knows. Before he can say anything, I kiss his cheek, giving him a quick smile before I turn and start walking to my car. I know that as I walk, he’ll still be hearing my thoughts, but he won’t be able to get clarification. Sure, I know that's not fair, but I just can’t be prodded and analyzed at this moment. 

My drive home is boring, I can’t block out the thoughts in my head. Tears spill out of my eyes as I think about the times he’s disappeared.  I was so afraid this morning he had gone without a trace, left me like how he did during the first month of our relationship in tenth grade. Didn’t even have the fucking curtesy to break up with me, tell me why he had up and left for two weeks. No calls, emails, nothing. Then he just came back, as if nothing happened. We did make up, I was head over heels and once he told me the only alternative was my murder, I couldn’t be mad any longer. These disappearances would happen over the summer, occasional calls were all I got.  

I understand why they left, and truthfully I’m not too mad at them. But, I am mad that every time I don’t see him in the halls, I get scared. And when I get scared, he just can’t understand. By the time I get into my house, the tears have almost run their course, leaving my cheeks flushed and my breathing hitched. 

The door in my room opens with a creek, as per usual fashion, I throw my school shit on my floor and strip. My Mom is at work, leaving me alone in the house. 

Showers possess the ability to wash away more than dirt. Usually, a half hour in the shower resets me. But when I wipe away the steam on my mirror, my eyes are still wet with a fresh glaze. I feel like absolute shit. Like my entire world can crumble as soon as this bathroom door opens. 

As I open my bedroom door, I’m startled as I see Edward outside my window. His head was pressed against the glass, his eyes closed. He’s thinking. Putting my hand at the point where my towel is tucked in, I open the window lock, and slide it up. Edward slips inside my room, and sits on my bed. 

I pay him no mind for a good two minutes. Turning my back to pull out my clothing from my drawers.

“So, you’re going to what...avoid me, avoid the problem, avoid the fact I know you’re afraid of me leaving?” He says quietly.

“Yeah well, I figured you would avoid telling me wherever the fuck you were today during lunch.” I pulled my teeshirt over my head.

“Y/N just listen, I know you’re scared. I know I should call more, look,” he lifts his phone up to me, with my contact on speed dial. A small gesture, but one that says he plans to follow through. “I’m trying to do better. I’m never going to up and leave for longer than a school day. I promise.” He stands up, hooking his arms around my waist.

“Still,” I mumble, leaning into his arms. “Where even were you today?”

“Out,” he pulls out a small box, “I was out, getting this.” I grasp the box, opening  with a bright smile on my face. It was a simple silver necklace, with a medium sized locket on it. The photo in it was of us on the night we first kissed. Now, my eyes fill with happy tears. I give him a passionate kiss.

“Why do you always have to not only make the problem, but solve it too?” He laughs at my words. 

  “Get used to it, because its part of a package deal.”

[spencer-reid-in-a-pool]

All Cream, No Sugar

Author’s Note: Hello everyone! Here is my sfw fic that was submitted to my friend @writing-in-april​ for the 4th Fic Swap on @imagining-in-the-margins​ ‘s Discord! Not my best work because I have been struggling to manage time lately and balance everything with my school and personal life. But I hope it is enjoyable nonetheless!

-------------------------------------

It was Thursday. Possibly the worst day of the week. Even more awful than Monday. It always felt like a barricade between the beginning of the week and the weekend. The glorious, lazy weekend. Honestly, now that I think about it...Thursday has the same kind of feel as November.   

I chuckled to myself as I left my apartment. My mind was a special place, and I guess today was no different. Better than thinking about my finals, though. Literally anything was better to think about instead of final exams. That’s why I’m treating myself to a break at my favorite coffee shop. I deserve it, really, after the studying I have been doing all day. At least, that’s what I tell myself so I feel okay about spending all this money on coffee. 

The car ride over there was quick enough. I lived on the outskirts of the city, but this place has the best coffee, and I would drive a ridiculous amount of time to get to it. No matter the distance, it would be worth it. 

And maybe...just maybe…I would see that guy that comes in sometimes. The one with the messy hair and the sweater vests. He was so intriguing. I don’t even know his name, but I always notice when he comes in while I’m there. It was pretty much impossible not to. Hopefully one day I would work up the nerve to talk to him. Maybe that day would be today. 

I walked in the building, and the smell of coffee and sweets immediately hit me. It was so comforting. Almost like a tiny sanctuary away from home, and I was always so appreciative. 

As soon as the little bell on the door rang, the barista behind the counter looked up and shot me a smile. They recognized me quite often. 

“Hey, (Y/N), the usual?” she called from across the floor. 

“You know it,” I said with a wink. 

I took my favorite seat in the shop and looked around. It was pretty empty today, which was just the way I like it. It means less time to wait for my coffee and I can sit in peace. The only thing that would make it better is if that guy came in and I got my big girl pants on to ask him his name. 

After a few minutes, my coffee was brought to me and I handed the waiter some cash for my order, with a good amount leftover for a tip. His smile was bright and thankful, and it made me hopeful for today.

Each time the door opened and another person walked in, my heart skipped a beat. I stopped counting when I got to 10 people that turned out not to be him. It irked me more than I care to admit. 

I was starting to lose hope, staring daggers at the dregs of my leftover coffee. Perhaps I thought I would find him there? I just wanted to see him. 

A tap on my shoulder drew me out of my thoughts. Well, it startled me out of them more like. With a gasp, I jumped and looked up at the person who tapped on me. It was the barista who greeted me and made my coffee. Sophie. My favorite barista to spill all my problems to. 

“You okay? You look like you’re really thinking hard about something.”

I sighed and almost smiled at how ridiculous I was being. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. And I was thinking about something. Can you sit for a minute?”

She nodded, “I’m on break, thankfully.”

Once she took her seat across from me at the tiny table, I wrapped my fingers around the now room temperature coffee cup in front of me. 

“So, what’s up? What could you possibly be thinking about that’s got you looking like that?”

“Um, well. There’s this guy…”

Her eyes widened and she leaned forward a bit, as if to ask me to continue. 

“You might have seen him in here before. He comes in as much as I do, which is why I noticed him.”

“What does he look like?”

“Well, he’s tall. He wears sweaters a lot...um…oh, his hair is kind of messy, but in a cute way. And he has this dumb little satchel he carries sometimes-”

“Does he look like that guy?” Sophie asked as she pointed behind me. 

I followed where her finger was pointing by the door and sure enough, he was there. But he was there with another girl I had never seen him with before. She had dark hair and striking eyes, along with a certain air about her that just gave off badass vibes. Of course he would have a girlfriend. And a gorgeous one at that. 

I turned back to Sophie quickly before he noticed me staring. 

“Uh, yeah. That would be him. But I’ve never seen that girl before. It figures, though. Just my luck.”

The pair began walking farther into the shop, talking quietly as they approached the counter to order. The more they talked and smiled at each other, the more my heart seemed to falter. 

“Oh, (Y/N),” Sophie said quietly so only I would hear, “I’m so sorry.” 

I didn’t respond to her. I didn’t have to. The look in my eyes was enough to let her know what I was thinking and feeling. 

Her break was about to be over, so she placed a hand gently on top of mine, and with a small smile, left me there. 

Well, there was only one thing left to do. Get another coffee, and maybe something sweet to drown my sorrows in. 

I took a deep breath and stood up, grabbing my empty cup to throw away when I got to the front to order. I didn’t see them anywhere now. They must have ordered already and found a seat. But truthfully, I didn’t look around for them long. I didn’t want to. 

I ordered a black coffee and a doughnut, and waited for a second for them to hand me my order instead of going back to my table to wait. Sometimes they put too much creamer in the coffee, so this way I could go over to the cream and sugar stand and make it myself. 

Coffee and doughnut in hand, I made my way over to the small fridge they left out for customers to put in their own creamer and milk. I wasn’t really feeling the flavored seasonal creamers they had, so I just grabbed the half and half and started pouring. I didn’t really want any sugar either. I had my doughnut, which I probably wouldn’t even eat to be honest. My stomach was in knots. 

A sudden voice behind me knocked me out of my thoughts. 

“All cream, no sugar, huh? I’m the total opposite.”

I was so startled that my hand seemed to seize up, causing me to jerk the carton of half and half away from the cup. Now there was liquid all over the counter. 

“Oh. I’m so sorry- Here, let me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I still hadn’t looked at who was talking to me, so when the footsteps got closer and I felt someone next to me, I decided I should finally look up. 

It was him. The guy. The one I came here for. Except now he was standing right next to me. 

He grabbed a handful of paper towels and started wiping up the mess on the counter while I stood wide-eyed and in shock. I should probably say something. 

“I’m so sorry. I was...thinking about something and you startled me. I feel so clumsy.”

He looked up at me with a hint of a smile on his face. 

“No, it’s really my fault. I’m not good at talking to people.” 

Once he had finished cleaning up, he threw the paper towels away and turned back towards me. 

“What’s your name? I see you in here sometimes. I guess you could say we’re both regulars.”

A lump formed in my throat that I had to swallow down forcefully. He saw me in here sometimes? He noticed me? Did he ever see me looking at him? Oh no. 

“Um, my name is (Y/N). I see you in here sometimes too. The coffee here is really good, yeah?”

He smiled again, but bigger and more pronounced this time. Nodding his head, he shifted his bag and looked back at me. 

“My name’s Spencer. It’s nice to officially meet you.” 

Now it was my turn to smile. This was going pretty good, all things considered. It’s too bad about that girl he’s with, though. Speaking of the girl, she was walking towards us right now. Fantastic. Just what my anxiety needed. 

“Spencer, we just got a call. Did you not pay attention to your phone?” the woman said in a hurry as she came closer. 

Spencer jumped a bit and started to dig in his pocket for his phone. He pulled it out and laughed nervously. 

“I have it on silent. Whoops.” 

The woman rolled her eyes and then seemed to notice me standing there. 

“Ohh, I see. You had it on mute so you could talk to this girl you were telling me about, hmm? Better hope I don’t tell Hotch”

Spencer opened and closed his mouth a few times, and I was simply shocked. He wanted to talk to me? Like, on purpose? He told this woman about me?

“I’ll meet you outside, Emily,” Spencer groaned at her.

The woman named Emily smiled at me and winked before leaving. So now it was just me and Spencer, standing awkwardly together. Great. 

“I, um...ignore her. She’s a colleague from work...and apparently my wing woman now.”

I couldn’t help but sigh in relief. So she was just a friend. I had gotten myself all sad and anxious for nothing. Honestly, that’s typical for me though, so…

I could only smile. So much so that it made my cheeks hurt. 

“So, do you have to leave? For work or something?”

Spencer shifted his weight nervously.

“Yeah, I um, yeah I’m sorry. I really would like to stay and talk more. I hope you don’t find it weird I told her about you, by the way. I just notice you in here a lot and I think you’re really pretty and I just-”

He cut himself off suddenly and looked at me sadly.

“I have to go, but here.” 

Hurriedly, he pulled out a scrap piece of paper from his bag and a pen. He leaned over the counter and quickly wrote his name and number on the paper and handed it to me somewhat forcefully. 

“Text me or call me...you know, if you want. Um, I really have to go. I’m sorry.”

He turned on his heel and began walking towards the door. 

“Spencer!” I called across the shop.

Spencer stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me, almost with an excited glint in his eye.

I held the paper he gave me gently in my hand and took a deep breath to calm my pounding heart.

“I noticed you, too.”