#but it's always been serious and a very honest what-if. and if i'm anything it's fucking pedantic and anal-retentive about details

[serialkilluh1996]

❀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒❀

Stu Macher x Nerdy-male-reader

Stu is a very pushy boyfriend, but this time, he's pushed his fucking luck and crossed a line.

Warnings: Angst, death, slight gore, multiple mentions of SA, arguing, contact me if I need to add more.

Proshippers, Comshippers DNI

It wasn't hard making friends when it came to you. Yeah, you were a considerably nerdy guy who preferred to stay home and watch movies and read, and you certainly weren't some dashing Adonis who had a way with words, but you had a certain style, a strange charisma, that attracted people to you.

It's how you met, or, as people call it, "bagged" your boyfriend, Stu. He was a pretty fun guy. Always optimistic, and down to just about anything. The issue with him was boundaries. He had a bad habit of trying to push past yours.

Like now, for example. Throwing on some old orange flannel he'd given you as a gift, tightening the belt on your light boot cut jeans to with mild irritation to get ready for one of Stu's parties.

You hated parties. He knew this, but somehow, he always managed to manipulate you into going. With his pouty lips, his cartoonishly sad voices, and his puppy eyes, there was almost nothing he couldn't get you to do for him.

You knew this, and you never did much to resist. Cognitive dissonance, really.

"I don't know what you see in that clown." Your friend, and Stu's number one hater, Clyde scolds you, standing in the doorway of your bedroom as you get dressed. "It's not for you to see. It's for me to see. That's why he's my boyfriend." You joke, tying your shoes.

"I don't trust him, dude. He doesn't really respect you." He leans against the doorframe. "He respects me." You retort, standing up. "Until he doesnt get what he wants." Clyde raises an eyebrow. "I don't need you to be my dating coach."

"I'm not trying to be your dating coach, I'm trying to be your friend. And as your friend, I'm supposed to be supportive and honest with you. I've been supportive already, and now it's time to be honest. He's not good for you. He's slowly but surely pushing your boundaries and one of these days he's gonna convince you to do something you REALLY don't wanna do." Clyde sits up as you walk past him and out of your room.

"☆☆☆, I'm serious," he follows behind you, "the party may seem like a small inconvenience, but he's only doing small things first to test your layers."

You grab your car keys, ignoring his words. "You know, I don't need this right now." You turn around. "No, ☆☆☆. You need this a lot more than you think." Clydes eyes squint with anticipation. "I'll go with you." He offers. "To third wheel my date?" You tease him.

"Oh, puh-lease. It's a party. He'll never suspect me anyway. I'll just... keep my distance. But I'm not letting you go alone to some drug infested fuckfest full of college boys with little to no morals so he can spike your drink and let God knows who do God knows what to you." He stands in front of the door.

You wince at his words. "Yikes, Clyde. I get being concerned but you're getting too comfortable with these accusations."

"You're right, you're right. I went too far. But still, just let me go with you." Clyde begs. You sigh. "Get in the car and don't say another word about him." He nods in compliance as you both walk out, locking the door behind you.

You fold your arms as you walk past all the pre-inebriated. "Ugh, the party started twenty minutes ago and these people are already high as a kite." He pouts.

"POOKIE!" Stu yells out, tackling you with a hug that you don't return as your arms are folded. "Seriously, Stu?" You raise a brow.

"Don't be such a downer, honeybun. It's a par-tayyy. You need to let loose." He boops your nose. "Hey, Clyde." He says flatly, rubbing a hand across his face. Clyde frowns. "The fuck off me." He swats his hands. "Youch, Clyde. Still sore because I asked first?"

"Asked what first?" You ask, Clyde looking ready to burst. "Come onnn. I wanna show you somethin'." He pulls you towards the stares. "But, Clyde–" "Clyyyyde can wait." He kisses your forehead, pulling you along up the stairs.

Clyde pouts as he takes you away, struggling to hold back frustration as he knew what was about to go down. Stu didn't deserve you. He storms past some unlucky lady, causing her to slightly spill her drink as he slides into the garage.

He grabs a beer out of the fridge, bringing it to his mouth and slurping it down with only a quarter of his usual manners. "Fuck!" He exclaims, throwing the glass down and watching it shatter and fizz with the beer. It wasn't fair. He's wanted you so long. He's respectful, supportive, he adores you. And you choose some skeezer like Stu.

And just when he thought his luck couldn't get any worse, his phone rang. With a huff, he answers. "Yeah?"

Stu presses you against the bathroom sink, standing crotch to crotch against you as he tugged at your belt. You put a hand on his chest, pushing him back with what little energy you had, your half empty cup of liquor sitting on the sink. "What's the problem?" He asks, now slightly bothered by your resistance.

"You're going too fast." "I'll slow down, baby." "No, I mean us– this relationship– I don't think we're this far yet." "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stu, I–" your heart drops at the sound of a man screaming. You push him a way and back into the wall, running out of the bedroom. Scurrying down the stairs as you fix your pants, your startled by what you see.

Clyde stumbles into the living room, swatting his left hand, the right clenching his heart as blood spilled past it. He gargled incoherently, falling limp onto the couch. "Clyde!" You shriek, running down to his side.

"Clyde, buddy, talk to me." You shake him, pulling his hand away to see the myriad of stab wounds to his chest. You scoff in shock, your breath catching in your throat to see his eyes empty, lifeless. "What the fuck?!" You curse, backing away. "Clyde!!!"

You lay on your side in your bed. Tears are streaming down your face. It's been hours, but it feels like days have passed. You tremble quietly, sniffling. God, you should've listened to him.

Your phone rings. You don't want to answer. You don't want to live. Nothing even had purpose anymore. Your best friend, gone without a goodbye, and someone had the nerve to be calling you, as if they wouldn't have plenty more time to talk.

You snatch it off the line.

"☆☆☆, baby–" "No!" You interrupt Stu, fury filling you in an instant as you recognize his voice. "This is all your fault, damn it. I told you I didn't like parties! You always do this to me! You never respect my boundaries, man!"

"..I... I do respect you.." "No, you don't! Just last night, I had to force you off of me in the bathroom and when I told you I wasn't comfortable, you KEPT. PUSHING! WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU WOULDVE DONE HAD I BEEN ANY DRUNKER?!"

"Aww, dude, honey, you know I would...I would never do anything like that to you..." he sounds so genuinely bad, almost hurt by your words.

"Clyde is dead, Stuart! He's dead! He ain't coming back!"

"..I know.." "No, you DON'T. You don't know ANYTHING! THE ONLY THING YOU KNOW IS TO BEG AND PUSH TIL YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT!"

"I DIDN'T KILL CLYDE!" "I DON'T KNOW THAT!"

The line goes quiet, and the only thing you can hear is the static.

" What are you trying to say, ☆☆☆?" "I'm breaking up with you. I can't do this with you anymore. I can't keep begging you for basic respect in this relationship. I'm tired and I'm scared and for all I know, you could've done this."

"No, baby, no. Please, no. Please, don't do this." His firm words turn into pleading whimpers. "I'm sorry, but I've made my decision." You hang up the phone. And Stu stands there, the line buzzing as tears run down his face.

You can support me by liking, commenting, reblogging, and/or cashapping me @fundsbrownie. Donations are optional, but much appreciated. Have fun! And remember, take care of yourself.

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[vermillioncrown]

Christ. Our BFF ZYX gets to punch WWX and also gets to fuck off to somewhere else and instead of a good time it's a motherfucking business conference where instead of learning shit you have to pander to your CEO? and they didn't even get to enjoy the punch. Even Xania-hellscape has to have SOME good parts, lord. This is terrible. Give Yuxun hot cocoa, a blanket, and a panic room.

unfortunately zyx lives in a Society, and the only good parts of this society is the lack of student loans, very dodge-able taxes, and magic sword fighting. chocolate is not in asia yet (let's ignore the chili thing yeah? yeah. that's not my sin, soooo) and panic room = seclusion in a cave

=

they couldn't even punch wwx, let alone have something to enjoy

=

they'll get some stuff to use as coping mechanisms next ch. is it better? eh. but a salad will be involved, and nothing cleanses like a nice, simply dressed, vegetable going cronch.

=

in seriousness, all these things are related. here, we see zyx in compute-error mode, where their mind wants one thing (maybe?) and their habits and survival mindset isn't letting them have it.

another is the implicit discussion on obligation, and what that means to me (aka zyx, and other people of in-between cultures). it might seem... nonsensical how zyx basically makes life difficult for themself, like "motherfucker you have two legs and a sword and you don't need to eat, just walk away?!?"

it's weird, growing up between an individualistic culture and collective one. to an extreme, neither are good. one thing that i can honestly admit that stunted me (and as a result, zyx is clearly Demonstrating) is the fear/inability to ask for help or that they can't do a thing, or negotiate obligations. obligations aren't bad--in like, how you can reasonably expect people will give you right of way on the street, or you should be respectful in public spaces, parents should care for their kids, etc etc--it helps people coexist. however, in a collectivist culture, in one with as high-context of a language as chinese, directly negotiating what obligations you can or want to handle (even if that negotiation will net benefits for everyone) is like if someone peed in your coffee at the coffee shop. you'd be baffled because "did that really happen?" "i don't have the operating procedures for this edge case of a social interaction, of which this barely qualifies"

what makes it more frustrating, to both the reader and myself (and if it's frustrating, then good i'm conveying it), is that zyx clearly has the vocabulary to identify their problem. (contrast with jzx, in which there was a throwaway line in earlier chs + his current frustrations where he doesn't have that vocab, doesn't understand, and gets even more frustrated because it feels like everything is wrong but no one notices.) but what can't be completely done is me showing you guys how disjoint that vocabulary is in both of zyx's 'native' languages. one set of vocabulary developed with one type of interaction and culture, and the other with another type. and they don't have the excuse of childhood bluntness and naivete to allow them to bulldoze through social interactions because that's the whole everything of them being an adult and hyper-cognizant of how they don't belong, needing to navigate carefully rather than other flavors of SIs/OCs that are teens and kids and really do act like that.

things matter, in a very specific way, to zyx and that's why given where they are in this life, it's never gonna be a stress-free fun time.

... unless they become sect leader in the future after things are truly peaceful (for this generation, at least)

then they can justify telling people, "this one is taking paid leave" ✌

"... huzi we don't get paid?"

[seventeenpins]

a slight miscalculation - pt. i

pairing: Joel x F!Reader

word count: 8.3k

summary: Sarah is off to college, and Joel is about to be living in an empty nest. They road trip out together, and as she spends her first night in her new apartment, he's staying in a nearby hotel. Letting go of his inhibitions for the first time in a long time, he tumbles into a one night stand that becomes very complicated, very quickly.

content/warnings: smut, age gap, mycologist!reader, dick sucking, implied pussy eating, fingering, no outbreak au, reader likes to hike, reader also infodumps, joel miller has a big cock, he also has anxiety, reader has anxiety too, and a cat, reader is in early 20s--exact age not established, one (1) use of daddy, alcohol and weed consumption, joel is a diligent condom wearer, set in present day, discussion of girl scout cookies, joel is sweet and soft and hasn't been eviscerated by the death of his daughter

a/n: I'm intending this to be about five parts. This may change, but right now it's looking like five. I've been struggling to write for a while, unable to focus, but I think I'm back at it? as always, your feedback is hugely appreciated, and i'm kissing all likers and commenters and rebloggers deeply and with tongue 🩷

check out pt. ii

For the first time in nineteen years, Joel is completely adrift. Sarah's starting college in just two months.

It's the kind of realization that hits him like a bucket of ice water, a sudden shock and then an unpleasant trickling of anxiety wrapping about him in nasty tendrils. And then he feels guilty, because he's so, so happy for Sarah because he knows that she's thrilled, but fuck she's gonna be two time zones away and now what's Joel meant to do on Thursday movie nights when he's here without her?

It's terrifying, and it's new. And it's not that he's new to anxiety. He's usually anxious, and he has the Sertraline on his bedside stand to prove it. But if his general anxiety baseline usually hovered around a 6.4, where he was at now far surpassed a 10. It felt exponential, and totally exhausting.

When he voices his fears to Tommy, to Joel's horror, Tommy just doubles over in laughter.

"Jesus, Joel," he wheezes, wiping fake tears from his eyes in exaggerated movements, "You looked so serious I thought you were gonna say you'd killed someone."

Joel scowls. "The fuck you laughing for?"

"She's going to college, it's not like she's dying!"

"How'm I gonna be there for her? What if she needs me? What if-"

"Joel-," Tommy pats him gently on the shoulder, "She can always call you, and you can always call her. And we both know she's got a good head on 'er shoulders."

Joel snorts in concession. "Yeah, yeah. Better than yours and mine put together, and then some."

"Exactly." Tommy agrees, "And if there's ever anything that really goes wrong, you got me. We can drive out together and make sure she's okay."

Joel nods and feels the tiniest bit of tension leave him. One step at a time.

Just over nineteen years ago he found out he was about to be a dad. Suddenly, he had a purpose. Having a kid at twenty-two wasn't something he'd ever intended, but somehow he knew he loved his baby girl from the moment he knew she was a possibility. He spent a solid seven months running around, hustling, doing everything he could to get the very best for his kid. He'd take on doubles, working himself to the bone to make sure they had the best crib, and the best stroller, too. He was thrilled and terrified and so, so green.

Now, his heart feels so big he doesn't know how to handle it. His baby girl is an honest-to-god adult, moving out and going to college, and he has no idea what he's gonna do with his time now.

He has work, of course. But beyond that? He's really gotta to widen his circle, he realises, because who's he gonna hang out with? His brother?

He'd only just turned forty-one and had absolutely not come to terms with an empty nest--the few friends from high school he'd kept in touch with were so much further behind than him. The ones that had kids had them later in their twenties and thirties, and now they're raising middle schoolers while Joel's kid is a real fucking person, leaving home and everything. All the scrapping and saving he'd been doing since before Sarah was born–for his little girl to be able to follow any dream she chose–it was finally paying off. The precocious young woman she is, she graduated early and spent nearly a year working retail to save up some cash. She'd applied to colleges all across the country, and a few international ones, too. Joel had been crossing his fingers for months, hoping she'd choose something near Austin, but cheered with her all the same when she got her acceptance letter from Oregon State University. The previous summer, just before she'd started her applications, she and Joel and Tommy spent a miserable, wonderful week hiking round the Pacific Northwest. She fell in love with it, and the university offered a few of the majors she wanted to consider.

Joel didn't know what he'd do with his baby girl so far away, his life, his reason, but he sure as hell wasn't gonna tell her that. He will not clip her wings. His baby's gonna change the world and he's not gonna hold her back. He is, though, gonna require regular phone calls and check-ins and god they grow up so fast.

"Y'all should road trip out there," Tommy suggests one night over the dinner table.

Joel knew the conversation of how Sarah would get to the West Coast would come up, and it oughta be sooner rather than later. He was half afraid that she wanted to head out on her own, that she didn't need her dad anymore. Worried she would say she wanted to get a plane ticket, or take the Amtrak all the way to Corvallis. But he knows he needs to loosen his grip a little, so he braces himself when he turns to her.

"What'dya think, Sarah? You wanna be stuck in a car with your old man for a cross-country trip?"

Sarah rolls her eyes, but her face breaks into a grin. "Can we, Dad?"

This was too good to be true, he knew, but he wasn't gonna give up one last opportunity to spend some time with his girl till winter break.

"Course, baby," he tells her, and that flicker of anxiety quells just the tiniest bit.

The next few weeks fly by, and the knot of anxiety in Joel's chest feels like it's consuming him from the inside out. He's taken some time off, more than Sarah or Tommy can remember, but he's constantly trying to suggest ideas for activities to Sarah. For the most part, she's a good sport, understanding how much it means to her dad. She took pity on him, and let him drag her to places that ideally she would've gone to when she was little, but she humored him and he appreciated her dedication. He did his best to step back when she was heading out to spend time with friends--her time here was limited, after all, and she was always a social butterfly.

There are five weeks till classes start, four weeks, three, two, and in the blink of an eye, they're loading up the truck with all of Sarah's things, and Tommy is hugging Sarah goodbye, teary eyed. He gives Joel a hug, too. Joel would never admit it, but fuck he had really needed that hug.

They would take the scenic route. Make a memorable trip of it. Joel would make sure she settles in safe and sound, and then he'd head home.

6am Sunday.

You wake with a start. It's just over a week before term starts and your entire body aches. Fuck, you think to yourself, definitely overdid it with that last hike.

(The hiking part wasn't itself a problem, but one of the trails had washed out. You thought you'd found your way, but the "easy" three and a half mile hike took about five hours, leaving your calves bruised and your heels blistered.)

You roll over in your hotel room bed and, at the sound of a slight yelp followed by a gentle thud, realise with a sudden start that you just catapulted your cat off the corner.

"Shit, sorry goblin," you tell Spatula, who glares up at you with disdain as he licks at his paw. You reach down and, despite your inadvertent cat launch, he immediately rubs up against your fingertips and lets you scratch behind his ears.

"I'm sorry, baby," you soothe.

He meows, loudly. Howls, really. You take it as an apology accepted.

You sit up properly and look at your phone calendar. Nothing immediate. You don't need to get keys to your new apartment till tomorrow, nor do you meet your roommates till then–they're both moving in today, and moving is already horrible without having to navigate around the belongings of two other people. No, thanks. You can afford one more night at the hotel, and it'll make everything go that little bit more smoothly tomorrow. Besides, you have a bit of reading you'd like to get through, maybe stock up on non-perishables till you have a full-sized fridge, and get to know the city just a little.

You move gingerly, testing the ache in your muscles as you unfold yourself from the position you've been sat in and pull yourself from the bed. It hurts, but not something that won't be fixed with a little movement.

A plan forms. First, a walk, to try and loosen up your tight muscles. Then, errands. You have a whole list, with everything categorised by store, but then you enter IKEA and exit fifteen minutes later, only to find that five and a half hours have passed and it's evening now.

How was it that IKEA harnessed such a malicious power. How could anything harness that?

You need a fucking break. And a goddamn drink.

"Hey Dad," Sarah calls from the adjacent bedroom as Joel sweats, hauling another box towards her. The drive has been good, but it has been long. His legs ache. His back aches. There are parts of him that he didn't know existed that now ache.

"Yeah?" he calls back.

"Are you sure you're okay with me staying here tonight?"

Joel lets out a breath. He wants to be okay with it. And there's no way his nineteen year old would want to hang out with her dad when she could be spending the very first night in her brand new apartment. But he also wishes she wanted to spend one last night, hanging out in a hotel room with her dad. They could watch shitty movies together. Make the most of the final night before this cataclysmic shift.

But no.

That'd just be him being selfish. He can handle a night by himself. He's gotta handle a whole lotta them soon enough.

"O'course baby," he nods, hoping the smile he's plastered on his face looks totally genuine. "But we're still doin' breakfast in the morning, right?"

She nods, vigorous, and then waves her phone around. "I was looking up places! There's a diner called Tommy's," she laughs, "Wanna try that? 9:30?"

"Let's do it," he smiles, and this one is a little less forced.

"How much more do we have?" Sarah asks, nodding towards the box Joel's still holding.

"Last box," he grunts, "What else can I help with?"

He places the box down and lets out a slight, almost silent whimper. Sarah catches it, though.

"Maybe you should take it easy the rest of the day, Dad," she tells him, "We both know you have old man back."

He rolls his eyes but nods. "Guess you're right," he shrugs, "That my cue to take off?"

Sarah blushes but turns to him sheepishly. "Yeah, I-"

"No need to explain," Joel assures, "I know you must wanna get unpacked and settle in, get to know your roommates an' all."

She jumps up and, almost startling him, wraps her arms around him in a bear hug.

"Love you, dad," she grins, and she squeezes just a little tighter than usual.

He squeezes back, and they both pretend there aren't tears in his eyes.

As you step through the doors of the hotel bar, you decide you like it. The lighting is comfortably low. It's not loud, but it's not quiet, either. Colorful bottles line the shelves, the light of the filament bulbs glinting off the glass in rainbow prisms.

You take a seat at the bar and give a nod of thanks as the bartender passes you a small menu. It's unsurprisingly extortionate, hotel bar and all, but it'll do.

"Old fashioned, please," you tell the bartender, who nods in response. A minute later, he hands you a glass, delivered with a twist of orange and a cherry on top.

With your first sip, you feel your shoulders start to relax and some of the tension loosen from your body. The warmth of the burn envelops you and your stress starts to unravel, leaving only the buzz feeling good.

You order a second, and as the glass is handed to you, a voice to your right catches your attention.

"This seat taken?" a man asks.

You shake your head and offer a quick smile, gesturing towards it, "All yours."

"Much obliged," he nods, and slips into the backless stool next to yours.

The bartender comes over and passes him the same menu, but without looking at it he asks, "Could I get an old fashioned?"

You smile and catch his eye, tipping your glass towards him. "An excellent choice," you praise, "Though if you don't have a sweet tooth, I'd recommend asking Jeff there if he can go easy on the simple syrup."

"Oh yeah?" He asks, and then he leans in conspiratorially. "T'tell you the truth, I do have a bit of a sweet tooth."

You raise an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

Suddenly, he breaks into a grin and it's dazzling.

"Yeah," he laughs, "I've got cookies stashed in secret locations all through my house."

You raise an eyebrow. "If I keep 'em in my pantry, my brother'll find 'em and eat 'em all," he explains, "But ever since my kid was a girl scout, I always get cravings for girl scout cookies, so I buy an armful o'boxes and try and preserve 'em throughout the year, till I can replenish."

"What's your favorite girl scout cookie?"

"Caramel deLites, hands down."

"Oh yeah?"

"Absolutely," he nods.

The bartender, Jeff, sets the man's drink down with a clink. You catch one another's eye and both erupt into a fit of laughter.

You're not even sure what's funny. Maybe it's just been a long day? Maybe the whiskey was getting to you?

Whatever it is, it feels good.

The man takes a sip of his drink and lets out an aaaahh and it's goofy and charming and then he extends his hand.

"Joel," he tells you, "Joel Miller". You shake his hand, introduce yourself, and then take a sip of your own drink.

"So, tell me about yourself," you smile, "You coming from out of town?"

"Yes ma'am," he nods, "Come up here from Austin."

"Texas?"

Joel nods.

"That's a long trip."

"Yeah," he laughs, "It really is."

"So, you're a nice Southern boy, huh?"

"Well," he swishes his glass and tries to bite back a smile, "I don't know that I'd go quite so far, but my mama did raise me to be a gentleman."

"That so?" you ask and his blush deepens.

"I... have been known to get up to some trouble, but I like to think I've mellowed in my old age." He gestures at the beautiful little smatterings of silver at his temples, and you cackle.

"Okay, that's hot," you tell him and he chokes, but you keep going, "Old age, though? What are you, like, forty?"

He exhales, chagrined. "Forty-one."

You roll your eyes. "That ain't old."

"It feels it sometimes," he smiles, "My kid is grown. My little brother's married with a kid of his own on the way. My back hurts, pretty much all the time."

You snort. You also notice, without trying to look, that he doesn't have a wedding band. Doesn't have a tan line for one, either. Interesting.

"But more than that," he continues, "I guess I feel- I don't know. A little... aimless?"

"Yeah," you nod, and you let the moment sit. "I get that."

He lets out a little breath, and then turns back to you, focused.

"What about you? Where're you from?"

"Oof," you exhale, "All over. Spent a bit of time on the East coast. The Midwest. Lived a few months in the South, even," you tease as you bump your shoulder into his and he laughs. It's a surprisingly familiar gesture, but miraculously comfortable.

"Ever make it to Texas?"

"Naw," you shake your head, "My time in the South was all in Mississippi. After that I moved out to California, and I've been slowly working my way up the West Coast."

"And what have you been enjoying about the West Coast?" Joel asks.

"The mushrooms," you grin, and Joel frowns.

"Like, the kind you get in a little baggy from the dealer down the street, or-?"

"No," you laugh, "Or, well- Okay, sometimes. Gotta say it is great out here for that, too. But I mean fungus as a whole--mushrooms, mold, yeast, lichen. But I'm most interested in mushrooms. They're just really fuckin' cool, and there's so much we don't understand about them. And, they're delicious."

"Huh," Joel ponders, "T'tell you the truth, I've never thought much about mushrooms, besides enjoying 'em as a pizza topping."

"Most people don't," you agree, "But fuck, like-- Okay, so we know there are over five million types of fungi on Earth, but we've identified less than two percent of them. Some fungus aids decomposition. Some fungus is bioluminescent. Some are known worldwide for their delicious flavours, and others are known by the slow, horrible ways they kill you."

Joel raises his eyebrows, and suddenly you feel a little self conscious.

"Sorry, I do this," you laugh, rubbing at the back of your neck, "I get very excited about fungus and manage to alienate everyone around me."

You half expect him to stand up and walk away.

Instead, though, he leans in closer. "Don't apologise," he tells you, "I'm learning something new. Tell me more?"

"No, I should stop. Otherwise I'll never stop talking," you wince.

"How about just one more fungus fact?"

You sit for a minute, pondering. "This is- well, I guess this is one of the reasons I find fungus so fascinating. So, fungus can't photosynthesise the way that plants do--they can't produce their own food from sunshine, and water, and carbon dioxide. Instead, their mycelium-- they're these thread-like networks--they branch out beneath the earth, seeking out food, growing in the direction where it can find the nutrients it needs and breaking down organic material all around them, sometimes living organisms, as a parasite, and sometimes dead organisms as a decomposer, or both. And it's just- It's this hidden world, that exists right beneath the surface even in some of the extreme places on earth, temperature-wise. And most days, we don't even think about it."

You punctuate your thought with a large swallow of your drink, which is half-watered down now that the ice is melted, and doesn't hit quite as hard as you'd hoped, but then you look up at Joel and he's smiling at you, pensive, and--

"That's- That's actually really interesting."

Before you can respond, though, Joel glances at his watch and balks. It is getting late. "Shit," he shakes his head, "I think I oughta call it a night," he says, pulling back. "Early morning tomorrow, and if I stay at the bar I'll just keep drinkin'."

Fuck. That's a dismissal. Of course you went on too much about mushrooms. You'd fucked this up. You'd thought this was going well, but now it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over you. "Oh," you nod, matching his posture, and try to swallow down the sudden wave of disappointment. "Of course. Have a good night, Joel."

Joel stands up and then looks you up and down, considering. It's not brazen, but it isn't shy, either. And then understanding flashes across his face.

"Wait- Sorry, that's not how I meant it." He reaches out towards you and you melt into his touch. "I'm messin' this up." He chuckles, but it sounds pained. "Now look, I don't wanna make any presumptions. And I'm really hopin' I'm not coming off as some--dirty old man. Jesus, I haven't done this in a while. But I'm in room 308."

Your eyebrows shoot up. What you'd taken for disinterest was just--nerves?

"I reckon I'll be awake for a while yet. You're welcome to... drop by."

The disappointment melts, making way for a fluttering in your stomach.

"Twenty minutes," you assure him, "308?"

He nods and he brakes into a sheepish grin, shedding what you now realise had been something of an anxious wince. "308."

You watch him leave. When he's out of sight, you toss back the rest of your watery drink and go to pay your tab, but Jeff tells you it was already settled. You thank him and tuck your shaking hands in your pockets. You feel an electricity running through you as you take the elevator up.

When you get back to your room, you hop into the shower, just to freshen up--you keep your hair dry but scrub your body. Once you're clean, you brush your teeth.

Stepping back out of the en suite, you survey the hotel room. Spatula is lounging on the corner of the bed, entirely uninterested in your movements. You top up his dry food bowl and place a kiss between his ears before slipping out.

When you knock at Joel's door, you hear a slight rustle and clatter and then the door swings open, Joel's staring a little wide-eyed, like he didn't actually expect you to show. He's wearing grey sweats and a Johnny Cash t-shirt that looks like it's been around nearly as long as you have. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, an anxious tell that's desperately endearing.

"C'mon in," he smiles, and you step in, closing the door behind you.

You reach out to cup his face, delighting in the feeling of coarse stubble beneath your fingertips. Your first kiss is chaste. You both lean forward and press your lips to one another gently, exploring.

Then, you let out a little moan and Joel shudders. Heat surges between you, and his hands are cradling your head and brushing your cheek and he's pinning you against the closed door. You're kissing again, nothing chaste remaining, learning the taste of him, his rhythm, the crashing waves of give and take between you.

You wrap one leg around him and smirk when he lets out a throaty groan as you grind against his hard cock. You're pretty sure he's not wearing underwear, the thick bulge seemingly unconstrained in his grey sweats, the whole length pressing against your thigh.

Your head falls back and you let out soft, breathy noises as his lips trace along your collarbone, up your throat, and against that tender little spot behind your ear. When he puts your earlobe between his lips and presses his teeth gently against the skin, your knees go weak and he chuckles, strong arms wrapping around you, holding you up.

"Bed?" he asks, and you breathe yes and then, with a yelp and a throaty chuckle, you're lifted up and spun around and both tumbling into the duvet.

You're grasping at each other, desperate to keep your hands on one another. The only times you part is when you undress, and even then, you're helping each other--pulling the hem of his shirt over his lifted arms, pressing into him as he reaches around and moves to unhook your bra, but then he realises you're not wearing one and lets out a groan, his thumbs brushing alongside the tender skin along your ribs, moving gently as if to cup your breasts, but then he pulls back.

Normally you might wait, do this part slowly, draw out the tease just a little bit longer.

Tonight, though, you're ravenous.

As you fiddle with the buttons of your pants, you tug at the drawstring keeping Joel's sweats on his hips. The bow comes loose in one smooth motion, and he lifts his hips and you pull the sweats down.

Your mouth immediately waters seeing him bare, laid out for you. You watch a bead of precum drip down the head and pool on his belly. The coarse hair of his happy trail glistens with it. He's thick, uncut, and looks painfully hard, his cock head ruddy. "Fuck, you're beautiful," you tell him, and his cheeks redden but he grins. It's boyish, the way he grins, and devastatingly charming.

And, what you're saying is true. His body is gorgeous, something you wish you could sketch. Soft flesh over hard muscle, visible tan lines where his chest and shoulders are noticeably lighter than his arms. The muscles and veins along his throat are driving you absolutely fucking insane as he swallows and looks up at you.

He's got freckles on his shoulders, too, and without thinking, you lower yourself down to kiss at his shoulder. He shakes, just a little, and lets out the most beautiful gasp. It's addictive, pulling these noises from him. You follow the curve of him, giving him a taste of his own medicine--tracing feather-light kisses along his collarbone, up the tendons of his neck, behind his ear. You can feel the blood pulse in his veins as your lips brush along him. Joel goes from panting lightly to full on groaning, rutting his hips up towards you and, frustrated, meeting only air.

"Can I taste you?", you ask, and Joel lets out a half-strangled sound and nods, vigorous.

You scoot back, lower yourself, poke out your tongue and, without any preamble, lick at the slit of his head, tasting the salty, tangy precum.

Joel tips his head back and groans and you decide to be kind. You grasp onto his hips and take him in your mouth, slowly sinking down, inch by inch by inch and now you can feel him at the back of your throat, your saliva dripping down the shaft and collecting in the hair between his thighs.

You bob your head up and down, taking him deeper with each thrust, but your throat is full and there are still inches to go. You relax, doing everything you can to take him deeper, and he starts to thrust up gently.

You let him fuck into your mouth but release one of his hips, allowing him to move as freely as he needs and freeing up your hand, which you shove into your underwear, rubbing furiously at your clit.

It doesn't take much to lose yourself in it, to focus only on the sensation. You're so wet, slick coating your fingers, making the glide that much smoother as you touch yourself. Joel tastes so good, too, the intrusion of his cock the most delicious thing, feeling the way he shudders when you moan, the way he moans when you shudder.

"Fuck-" Joel gasps, and then there's a hand guiding you gently off of him.

You raise an eyebrow. "You okay?"

He swallows, hard, and nods. "More than okay. Felt too fuckin' good."

"Oh yeah?" and you lean down, as if to take him back in your mouth, but he chuckles and pulls you back again.

"It's been... a while. For me. And-" He drags his palm down his face, wearing an almost pained expression. "Christ, you just look too fuckin' good down there, mouth stretched 'round me while you touch yourself. An' it feels too fuckin' good, too. I ain't ready for this to be over yet but if you keep lettin' me fuck your throat like that it's gonna be over real quick. And I wanna feel that pretty pussy myself."

You sit back up and he pulls you towards him so you're straddling him.

"You gonna fuck me, Joel?"

"Yes," he breathes, "Yes, baby, please-"

You do an awkward wobble and then stand up, shedding your pants and letting your panties drop, stepping out of them, one foot and then the other, and the way he's watching you is addictive. He watches you with beautiful eyes, drinking all of you in, and suddenly the moment has changed into one of those quiet, intimate moments where you both exhale a laugh.

You straddle him again, and lean down to kiss him, and the electric current surges up. He grabs you by the jaw, meeting your desperation. His lips on yours are exactly the balm you need and you can taste the whiskey on his breath.

"Feels fucking good," you tell Joel as you slide up and down his length. He's not penetrating you, not yet, but the lips of your pussy are spread and you're gliding along him, feeling his head at your clit and thrusting back till you're nearly seated on his balls.

He watches you, nearly unblinking, drinking it all in. Then, he lets out a groan, and half-sits up, suddenly focused.

"Shit," he closes his eyes in frustration, "I don't have any condoms. Shit shit shit-"

You push him back down and kiss him again. Then, you hop off the bed and sift around in your jean pockets.

"Ah-ha!," you exclaim, once you've found your treasure. Joel raises and eyebrow and you wink. "Saw they were selling them in the lobby. Figured it might be a good idea."

"Shit," Joel laughs, and presses his lips just to the side of your mouth. "Clever girl," he tells you, and a shiver goes up your spine.

He leans to help, but you shoo him away and he watches, entranced, as you neatly open the condom wrapper and, with a small amount of difficulty, roll it down his cock.

"Feeling okay?" You ask him, "Shit, I shoulda gotten the Magnums. Is your dick okay? It's not being choked to death by an inappropriately sized rubber, is it?"

Joel snorts. "We'll manage," he says, and then he grips you by the hips, lines himself up. He draws his knuckles along your cunt and groans, "Fuck, so goddamn wet for me-" and, the moment you look at him and nod, he holds the head of his cock against your drooling lips and presses into you.

It's a big stretch as he lowers you down onto him, the intrusion almost painful, but before you can even take a breath, it melts into absolute pleasure. You've fucked people with longer cocks before, and you've fucked people with girthier cocks before, but never have you fucked someone with a cock that's both this long and thick and it feels like you're being split in two and it's perfect and you realise, with a sudden flip of your stomach, he isn't even fully seated inside you yet.

Then, you manage to focus on the words Joel is saying-that had really just been background noise for the past ten seconds or so-and suddenly you're tuning back in for "Tha's it," his voice low and hoarse, surprisingly gentle, "Good girl, takin' this cock so well, look at you."

His brow is furrowed and he's looking at you with such dark eyes, nearly black, the pupils are so blown. "Just a little more, that's it, just one more inch, you can do it, christ, look at you, takin' all of me."

His tone is reverent and it sets a fire through you. You can feel more slickness build and drip out of you, and from the way he moans, you're certain he can feel it too despite the condom.

"So fuckin' wet," he groans, "Soakin' my cock- grippin' me so nice-Fuck--"

He leans towards you and cradles your head in his hand, kissing you hard.

When you both pull back, you know your lips must be kiss swollen and red. His are--they're soft and bright, and you want to eat him whole.

"You're gonna be the death of me, woman."

He's thrusting into you lazily, holding you in place, but you need more, you need all of him.

You push forward and move his hand from your waist to your clit. As you manoeuvre him, his nostrils flare, and you'd wonder if he was angry, if not for the way you felt his cock stiffen even further inside of you. You start to move your hips, to rub up against the thumb on your clit, and to feel every fucking inch of him.

Urged on by the way he groans, you start to ride him, properly. Holding each other close, you fuck down onto him and he leans back, awed.

"Enjoying the show?" you ask.

"Damn- right- I- am-," Joel breathes, every word punctuated with a shuddering breath after you drive back down onto his cock, "Jesus- you- look- so- good- like- that."

You like being watched. Being admired. It sent an extra thrill through you, and your hips stutter, just a little, and now you're following a new, faster rhythm.

"Fuck, that's it, baby-" he praises, "Shit, yes- bounce on it."

You lean forward and kiss his throat, and then he makes this noise, half-strangled and beautiful.

"Shit, honey-- honey, honey, hold on-," he holds you still and you're glad he has, because your brain hadn't quite processed his words.

He's looking at you so earnestly.

"Baby, if you keep ridin' me like this I am gonna blow my load in the next twenty seconds and I don't wanna end this quite so soon."

You hum, a moment of consideration. You stare into his eyes, and part of it is calculated seduction, but another part is getting genuinely lost in the way he looks at you. The crinkles round his eyes. The way he seems able to focus on you, in a way that feels as frightening as it is exhilarating.

"How about this," You smile, "You get yours, and then you can eat me out till I get mine. And if you're ready to go again by the time I've come, we can see where we're at then. Hmm?"

You see a bead of sweat trickle down his temple, and take a moment to appreciate how much he's clearly trying to control himself.

After a moments of avoiding your eye, he looks at you again and he looks utterly wrecked. "You- talkin' like that?" He shakes his head and tries to even his breath. "Fuck, I nearly came right there."

"It's okay," you soothe, and you cup his jaw and resume you movements, riding him like you had before. "You can come if you need to-" your fingertips stroke the stubble of his chin, "You're close, huh? It's okay, daddy, you can let go."

Joel lets out a strangled noise and busts immediately.

You savor the way it feels, the pulse of his cock as he spills into you. No, into the condom, you correct yourself, but you can always pretend-

After his balls relax and you can feel him start to get soft, you hold the condom down as you pull yourself off, and you're nearly unseated when there's a sudden squelch noise that sends you both into tumbles of laughter.

It takes a while to calm down, and you find yourselves heaving, tangled in the sheets, and wrapped up in each other. The condom is hanging limply on Joel's now-soft cock and it's oddly cold and gooey as you accidentally roll against it, and that sends you both off again.

"Fuck," Joel snorts, and tugs at the condom, starting to roll it off his length, "I'd almost forgotten the weird texture of a used condom. Fuckin'... Slug-like."

"That-" you declare, "Is visceral. And I hate it. Thanks."

He snorts, and you suddenly have a question.

"Condoms not making too many appearances in your life?"

"Not many, no."

"What, you usually fuck raw?"

"Just haven't been sleepin' with anyone," he shrugs, nonplussed.

"Well, I gotta say, the good people of Austin have been missing out."

Joel shrugs again, and it comes off as casual, but you notice the way his ears tint pink. "Just- not been something I did. But now, I guess, I can. And with way less guilt."

"Why guilt? Are-" you venture, dread pooling in your stomach, "Are you married?"

His eyes flit up to you sharply, and then soften immediately. He lets out a breath and shakes his head. "No. Nothin' like that. I was married, but I've been divorced nearly twenty years now."

The tightness immediately uncoils and you realise how tense you were only a moment ago. I am not a cog in the machine of a collapsing marriage. Thank fuck.

But now your curiosity is piqued. "So... why the guilt?"

"Sorry, I- I really didn't mean to get into it. I'd rather not get into it. It's- complicated."

"Of course," you shrug, and it isn't a problem because this is just a hot fantasy hookup that you'll remember fondly, and it'll be wonderful masturbation fuel for probably the rest of your life, but you don't wanna make the poor guy go into his life's trauma, especially when he's looking at you so fucking earnestly and you are actually really fucking fascinated but no, you would not let this become a problem.

"Thanks," he says, and then steps out of the room. You hear the clang of the bin as he steps on the pedal, then drops the condom, takes a piss and washes his hands.

"You hungry?" He asks, and you realize very suddenly, you're absolutely famished.

"Yes," you jump up and he laughs when you run, bare-assed and shameless, over to the corner of the room filled with brochures and traveller info and finally, you raise it in triumph when you find it, the list of nearby takeaways.

"Okay," you look at the list, "There's one place at the top of the list here that's apparently highly rated, but I actually have plans there soon and I wanna wait till then to eat there. Hope that's okay."

Joel comes over to you and rests his head on your shoulder. "No problem."

"But... alright," you continue. "There's pizza. Or... more pizza. Or, look--there's a Southern-style place, that'll make you feel right at home!" Joel pokes you in the side and you swat at him as he grunts a laugh.

Suddenly, a warning sound starts playing on loop in your brain. It was dreadfully domestic, wasn't it? This was an absolute stranger you'd just met in a hotel bar? But... it also felt... nice? And it felt nice in ways that you'd never found yourself enjoying before. Even with long-term partners. Maybe because this was so low-stakes, you reasoned, such an inevitably temporary situation, so you weren't putting the same kind of pressure on yourself.

As soon as you think that, the eternal curse of overthinking shows itself and you suddenly feel desperately self conscious. Before you can pull away and make some excuse, though, Joel's arm wraps around you and his thumb starts rubbing little circles into a tender bit of skin between your hip and your tummy. The anxiety spiral you'd been teetering on the edge of suddenly vanishes.

"How about-," he nods at the list, "Pizza?"

After Joel calls in your order, the pizza delivery service tells you to expect your food in about thirty minutes. You remember you have a little box of edibles. You ask Joel if he minds if you take one, and he doesn't. You offer him one, and he automatically declines, but then as he starts to explain, he pauses and pivots, goes "Wait, actually. Yeah. Why not?"

A freckled kid who looks no more than sixteen pulls up with a short stack of pizza boxes and a two liter bottle of root beer. He raps awkwardly on the door after exactly thirty five minutes, and it swings open.

The room looks utterly wrecked, clothing strewn along every surface. Joel answers the door wearing a robe, his entire face smelling of sex, and his moustache still shining with the slick of your release.

"Thanks, kid," Joel nods, and hands him a small wad of cash. The kid eyes him and shrugs. "Keep the change," he tells him, and the door swings back shut.

The edibles have hit beautifully. You're both blissed out, comfortably hazy, lost in the sensation of bare limbs on bedsheets and the flavors of the pizza and it's assorted sauces. You lay together on the bed, paper plates strewn between you. In the background, an X-Files rerun plays.

"Ooh!" You sit up as you catch the premise of the episode, "I love this one! See the goo? There's a giant fungal... entity.. that's working on digesting them, and giving them hallucinations as they die."

"You and mushrooms, huh?" Joel laughs, but then looks back at the episode and contemplates the viscous yellow goo. "Jesus christ," he frowns, and sniffs, now contemplating the mushrooms on his pizza slice.

You spot his glare and snort. "I think you're safe."

He takes another bite and shakes his head as if to clear it.

"I'm getting tired," he admits.

"Me too," you agree.

"No pressure, but in case it wasn't clear, you're welcome to stay the night here."

"That's sweet," you tell him, and think it over. "If I took you up on that, would you be offended if I slip out early?"

Joel raises a brow.

"I have a cat," you explain, "And I'm working on moving into a new place, and meeting a friend for breakfast, and then I need to check out after breakfast because I won't be able to get my keys for the new place until the breakfast but I can't take my cat to a diner-"

You take a breath.

"Basically, I've got a bunch of things I need to do in the morning, but if you don't mind me slipping out around, maybe, 5-ish, then I'd love to stay."

He stares at you.

You regret saying as much as you said. You don't need to over-explain yourself to this actual stranger. He doesn't care. There's no reason for him to care. He's probably in it just for the fuck, and it was fun and if you stay then there's a chance the two of you will wake up at some point in the night, still horny and lustful and you might fuck again and you'd be lying if you said that wasn't part of the draw. You realise, though, you'd also be lying if you said you didn't care what he thought of you. All of a sudden, you are overwhelmed with caring what this man thinks of you.

How fucking inconvenient.

"I wouldn't be offended at all," Joel chews, swallows, wipes the corner of his mouth with a napkin and speaks again. "What's your cat's name?"

You don't know what you'd expected he'd say, but it wasn't that. You buffer for a moment. "It's- Spatula."

"Spatula?"

"Yep." You feel foolish.

"Huh. Spatula."

A silent moment between you.

"Got any pictures?"

You weren't expecting that, either. "I... do? Do you want to see them?" He nods. You pull out your phone to scroll through.

Joel, suddenly scrambled around for his phone, too. It was late and he hadn't checked it for hours. Had it been on silent? What if Sarah had called and he'd missed it?

His panic eased when he saw he had only two notifications. Both from Sarah, but neither were bad. He hadn't been neglecting any crises. The first text was a selfie of Sarah and an unfamiliar person, which she'd texted to him with the caption New roomie!! The second contained an address to the place they'd have breakfast tomorrow along with Just wanted you to know I've invited a friend to join us tomorrow morning! Is that okay? Realized I should maybe have checked with you? 😬

There was an ache in his chest. He wanted to keep her to himself, get to spend one last day, just the two of them. It was the start of a whole new chapter, but more than anything, he wished he could hold onto the moment for just a second longer.

But Sarah was stressed, he knew this, so he wasn't gonna make it worse and put this burden on her. He could handle it. He had to handle it. He typed back- No problem, baby. Can't wait to meet your friend.

After a moment, he followed up with another text. Gonna turn in now. Good nite!

The less he texted right now, the better. He did not want Sarah to know anything about the night he was having.

His screen lit up a moment later. Night Dad! He takes a deep breath and wills some of the tension away.

He slips his phone aside and you scoot into bed next to him.

"This," you announce, "Is Spatula."

Joel scrolls thru, his brows raising higher with each image.

With a single nod, he opens his mouth and instead of speaking, he collapses into laughter. It comes out a wheeze- "I-- I know this won't make any sense, but your cat looks just like my goddamn brother."

You're laughing now too, both of you almost hysterical, even though you have no frame of reference. You cherish the absurdity.

Then, Joel pulls up a picture on his phone and shows you, and now you're doubling over again because his brother looks exactly like Spatula.

You don't remember falling asleep. You curse your body's internal clock because you wake up right at 5am, and even though you know you should get up and leave, you wish you could have just a little bit longer.

It's such a comfortable way to wake up. One arm is folded under your pillow, and the other is slung over Joel's hip. He's asleep, snoring softly, and strands of his hair are mussed along his forehead. Your hand is holding his tummy, but you realise there's something pressing against the heel of your hand, and then realise, with a delicious jolt, that he's hard and straining against his boxers.

It's so fucking hard to get out of that bed, but with enough barely-effective reminders--you're gonna fuck up your whole day if you're late, gotta make a good impression, Spatula's gonna be so disappointed if you're late with his breakfast--you manage to bully yourself out of the warm and wonderful bed containing blankets and absolutely fantastic dick, and you tiptoe through the room, dress quickly, and, after making a note and leaving it on his bedside stand, you slip out.

Joel wakes up with a jolt, and then rolls over to see that the alarm clock (which he dared not contemplate the number of times he must have snoozed) was telling him it was 9:13.

He was late. Really fucking late. And then the panic made his brain spin faster and that's when he noticed the note on his bedside table.

I had a really good time If you're in town for a little longer, don't be a stranger?

It's followed with your name and phone number, and a rather detailed mushroom sketch across the page. He wasn't sure what kind of mushroom it was, but it was beautiful, and clearly hand-drawn, and for whatever reason you'd decided to tear it out of, presumably, your sketchbook? And you gave it to him, and he's gonna read that note and replay last night for the rest of his fucking life. It felt incredibly precious. He placed it in a book so it wouldn't get creased or folded. Made sure it was all contained and neat, totally flat in between the pages.

Then, he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower.

After scrubbing the smell of sex off of his entire body, he dresses quickly and checks his watch again. 9:28.

He texts Sarah and lets her know he's a few minutes behind. She responds with an eye roll emoji.

Joel settles in his truck and pulls up directions. It's only a few minutes away. He won't be too late.

When Joel steps into the diner, he's charmed by it. It's old school, with a checkerboard floor and bright red vinyl seats. He scans the room till he spots Sarah in a booth in the corner. She's laughing over a hot chocolate, and her friend must be in the seat opposite her.

He catches Sarah's eye and she grins at him, waving him over.

You've been at the diner about fifteen minutes, and you and Sarah are already getting along beautifully.

You'd met on a university message board and had become fast friends, but meeting someone in person was always a little terrifying. On top of that, you'd already committed to spending at least one (academic) year with this person, so you were damn sure gonna make it work.

Sarah waves over her dad. You can't see him yet, the back of the booth too high.

But then he's standing right there.

You already have a hand outstretched, but when he sees you and you see him, your stomach flips and dread runs through you. All the color drains from his face. He looks like a deer in headlights, and you'd be surprised if you didn't look the same.

Sarah looks between you, not quite concerned, but definitely confused. Sarah smiles and tries to diffuse the situation.

"Hi dad!" She grins, "This is my new roommate! Well, the other new roommate--the one in the picture, their name is Ellie, they weren't able to make it this morning. BUT. Breakfast seemed like a great time to hand off keys!"

Joel is still frozen and white-faced. Your brain whirs, and you know you've just fucking catapulted yourself into a disastrous mess, but you do your very best to save face.

Reaching your hand out further so he can't possibly miss it, he gives into some familiar social instinct, takes it and you shake. You think of his hands, how they dragged along your body last night, touched you, felt you, wrecked you.

You introduce yourself. He nods, avoiding eye contact.

"Joel." He grunts. "Miller."

Sarah frowns at him, but turns back to the menu.

This- was unexpected. Problematic. Arguably, really fucked up. All of those things and more. But it'll be fine.

All throughout breakfast, you repeat that to yourself, letting the words bounce around your head. It will be fine, you repeat your mantra, it will be fine, and you try not to feel too hurt at the way Joel's avoiding eye contact as if simply looking at you will cause him unimaginable disgust.

Everything will be fine.

Note: The fic's premise is loosely based on the book Mistakes Were Made which is a fucking excellent sapphic romance novel that utilises this trope. Would strongly recommend the book if you're into smutty queer stories.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Solace

Hi guys!

This is a massive one again, it count like 12K words. I proofread it like four time but it's big so it might still have several mistakes. And I'm sorry about it ♥

Please enjoy, I really loved working for this one :)

TW : Mention of cheating, Angst.

You never thought that your ex-girlfriend would hurt you that way. You were with Jenni for two years when she left Barcelona to go to play in Mexico. You were gutted honestly, even if you never shared the same flat, she was always in yours. Or you were always with her. It was only when you were called in national camp that you weren’t together.

With you being Australian and Jenni being Spanish, it was logical that you weren’t on the same team. Unlike Jenni, you weren’t really a player very needed by your team. More like the number two. Even in Barcelona you are the second goalkeeper behind Cata. And in Australia, there is Mackenzie Arnold, but you can’t be sad or mad at anyone because they just are amazing.

Jenni left after the World Cup and seemed to settle very quickly and easily in her new team and world. You aren’t surprised to be honest; Jenni has always been like this. Easygoing, smiling and very sociable.

You didn’t know that this part of her will lead you to a breakup. Jenni didn’t have the courage to tell herself that she cheated, you learned it like almost all the rest of the world, when pictures started appearing on Internet.

When you talked with Jenni about it, she tried to deny or make things less serious than they were before finally told the truth. She told you that yes, she met someone else, but it isn’t serious, it was just to have fun. It has nothing to do with what you have together.

Blah, blah, blah.

You couldn’t forgive her. It’s not like she just shared a random kiss in a creepy nightclub. They had dates, they kissed and even slept together several times. You didn’t say anything on social media about your breakup or Jenni’s betrayal. You just deleted all your pictures where you were together.

Your teammates took care of you. Marta and Caro brought you breakfast every morning, Lucy brought you back scones from England when she went there, Cata slept every night on your couch just to be with you (you are pretty sure that’s it was because she misses her girlfriend too), Ona shared with you her very impressive DVD’s collection, Alexia always made sure that you aren’t alone for the drill, Jana always sat with you on the bus or plane, Mariona invited you to pass several days in Mallorca in her family and Ingrid took you shopping at least twice a month.

You love them for that, honestly. You couldn’t ask for better friends. But Barcelona keeps remembering you of Jenni. So, when your agent informed you that he received an offer for you from Arsenal, you don’t hesitate a lot.

It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to your teammates and Barcelona’s fans to be honest. You really love this place, but you needed to see something else. Maybe you’ll come back in several years, that’s what you said to a tearful Jana after your speech.

The first days at Arsenal are strange to be honest, but you are glad to have others Australians teammates here. Caitlin, Steph and Kyra seemed happy to have you there and help you settle down. You are still talking daily to your former teammates, but the trio help you to feel better.

They never talked to you about your breakup, they knew you were with Jenni and that you aren’t anymore. Like the rest of the world after all. You don’t know what Jenni told her friends and family, you liked her brother and her parents, but you couldn’t saw them after that. The breakup is one thing, but dealing with betrayal is something else.

You usually don’t go to the team bonding, but tonight Kyra almost rolled herself at your feet, begging you to come. A little less dramatic, Steph just told you that she will be happy if you come while Caitlin rolled her eyes at Kyra. So here you are, looking at yourself in the mirror of your bedroom.

You look at yourself and wonder what in you wasn’t enough to make Jenni stay. Sur, you were in two different continents, but you never thought a single second about being unfaithful to your girl… ex-girlfriend.

The bell ring when Kyra is here to take you to Leah’s, taking you out of your thoughts. It’s maybe better like this. You can only smile when your friend gives you a big smile.

“I’m so happy you’re coming Y/N honestly. It will be fun, you’ll see.”

“Yeah, I’ll see” you smirk.

She slaps you playfully on your shoulder before starting her car and you promise yourself not to go anywhere with Kyra in her car anymore.

“Yeah, the baby Aussies!” Katie shout when you enter Leah’s house.

Caitlin just smiles at you at first, but soon come to take you away from Kyra when the younger one start to drag you everywhere without your consent.

“Leah ordered pizzas and we are going to watch one film or two. It’s great that you are here, really” Caitlin smiles at you.

You smile back and accept the drink she gives you. You smell it with skepticism when you learn that Beth made them, but after tasting it you have to admit that it’s pretty great. But your teammates are loud, and you aren’t used to this kind of noise anymore. You soon started to feel overwhelmed, and you look for somewhere quieter to sit.

You finally find a place on a couch, where Lia and Alessia are talking casually. Their corporal language tell you that it isn’t an important or secret conversation, but you still approach them shyly, half hiding behind your glass.

“Would you mind if I sit with you?”

“Not at all” Lia smiles at you.

Alessia smiles too and get closer to Lia to let you a bigger place next to her. She has a beautiful smile, you never really realized it before.

“I was just saying to Alessia that she should make a stop in Switzerland next time she goes in Italy. It isn’t far away after all.”

You smile and nod. Of course, you know that Lia comes from Switzerland and Alessia is half Italian, thanks to her dad.

“I never went to Switzerland or even Italy” you admit softly.

It seems to take your interlocutors’ attention and they both start to list the advantages of both countries. But you are interested by it, both girls are calm but still funny and it’s exactly the kind of conversation you needed right now.

When Leah comes in the living room with the pizzas, the team passes almost fifteen minutes to choose a film on Netflix. You are listening to their fight with a soft smile, really amused by it.

“It’s like this every single time” Alessia whispers to you with a smile. “I usually chose this moment to take the best pizza part, even a second if they really are fighting hard.”

You laugh softly, pleasantly surprised by Alessia’s confidences. You haven’t really talked a lot to her, to be honest. But she seems to be a very cute and sweet girl, everyone can see that. You are thankful to her about her small chat so you decide to get along with it.

“Alright, tell me, how do you chose your first part?” you ask Alessia while Katie is explaining why Kim’s choice isn’t good.

“I take the cheesiest one, and if it has the basil leaf on it, it’s the best thing ever. Seems like I have to make a choice for now though.”

You look at her looking attentively at the pizza in front of you. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by the others’ tantrum at all. She finally chooses the cheesy one before turning herself in your direction.

“What about you? How do you choose your first part?”

“I love pizza dough. I usually take the one with the biggest crust” you admit.

“I never heard someone choosing her part like this” Alessia giggles.

Her giggles make you smile, and you lean to take your part too. It happens to be the one with the basil leaf and you put it on Alessia’s part without a second though.

“Ok, you are not allowed to seat next to someone else when pizzas are involved now.”

“So you feel better now?”

Alexia’s voice resonates in your bathroom from your phone where you putted the speaker while getting ready.

“Yeah I mean the girls had always been lovely but that evening really helped me to be included in the team, I think.”

“That’s great, I’m really happy for you. They would have been stupid not to do it though, you are the most lovely girl ever.”

You smile, you know that she is really happy for you. Since your departure, you kept writing with some of your former teammates and Alexia is one of them. You sometimes suspect that she knows what you whispered into Jana’s ear, when you said that you might come back someday. But you are happy to have news from her.

“What about you? What’s new in Barcelona Femeni?”

“We all miss you, honestly” she begins. “But it’s been great. The new signings are settling great I think.”

“And yourself?”

“I’m fine. Olga has been great too. We, hum, she’s leaving with me now, when she’s in Barcelona.”

“That’s great Capi, I’m happy for you.”

You know how close Alexia is to Jenni, but the blonde never said any words about your ex-girlfriend since your breakup. You are glad about it honestly, but you like when she talks about her relationship. You are really happy for her; she seems so happy lately. And she deserves it.

You aren’t lying to Alexia; you maybe need to thank Kyra for taking you out of your house that night. Since that day you are pretty close from Lia who seems to really want to take you in Switzerland with all the discussions you have about it. You talk a lot to Laia Codina too, the girl seems happy to have someone she can speak Spanish with, you learned the language pretty well during the five years you were in Barcelona. You laugh and joke with Katie and you are of course really close to Caitlin and Steph.

And there is Alessia, too. You like sitting next to her during the trips or the meals, she is pretty calm but, in another hand, she always has something to say or to laugh about. But you feel relaxed next to her, a thing you haven’t really felt since a long time.

It’s scared you a little bit, to be honest. At first you wanted to put some distance between you and her, you don’t want to get attached to someone or feeling the need of having a special someone in your life. But Alessia is so sweet and seems so concerned about your well-being that you can’t stay away from her.

This is the third night out where you go today, it’s at Steph’s house this time. You decided to curl your hair tonight, but still go with your eternal jeans and t-shirt anyway.

You wait someone in your car when you are in front of Steph’s house, not wanting to go inside alone. You just have to wait two minutes before you see Vic coming and you follow her inside after having greeted her.

A lot of your teammates are here, and the atmosphere is a little more festive than the others. You can see that some of them are a little tipsy already and you smirk when you see Kyra’s state. Thanks God, you aren’t the one getting her home tonight.

“What about a have you ever?” someone randomly propose at one point.

You are not a fan of it honestly, but you don’t want to kill the fun. Looking around, you see that almost all of your teammates accepted the game, only Lia rolls her eyes with a little smile. You sit next to Caitlin who greets your presence next to her with a smile and a tap on your back.

The game went pretty well to be honest; you even have fun. Some of girls were more or less asked to explain themselves about specifics questions, making their teammates laugh or smile.

It was until Manu asked a very accurate question.

“Have you ever been a cheater in a relationship?”

There is an abrupt silence in the room, who last probably only two seconds, but for you it’s an eternity. Suddenly, someone rings the bell at the door and Leah almost jump from the couch.

“It’s the pizzas, it’s for me!”

“I’ll help you” you mumble before getting up too, not looking at everyone.

Leah doesn’t react when you talk or follow her to the door, the most far possible from the couch you were sitting on. She refuses your pounds to help her pay but puts some of the box in your hands. When you come back into the room, everyone was in a small talk and you still follow Leah, putting the box on the table this time.

You aren’t really hungry to be honest, but Steph puts a plate with a slice on your knees. You take a look and realize that there is a lot of cheese on it and almost no crust, making you sulk. Then you raise your gaze up to meet Alessia’s and her pizza slice. With a smile you get up and silently swap them.

After the pizzas, you decide to go in Steph’s garden, breathing a little bit of fresh air. You haven’t thought that you will be hearing a conversation between Steph and Manu, your compatriot roasting the goalkeeper.

“What the hell were you thinking?” you hear Steph whisper-shout.

“I don’t know! I thought that not asking Who has ever been cheat on was okay!”

You can perfectly picture Manu talking with her hands and Steph leaning in her direction, deeply frowning.

“I never wanted to hurt her or make her uncomfortable! I’ll go excuse myself to her.”

“You better not. Leave her alone.”

You can hear every single word and it’s maybe even worse. You know very well that Manu never wanted to hurt you, she’s a very sweet girl. But very clumsy sometimes with her words.

“You ok Kiddo?”

Caitlin’s voice makes you jump, but you give her a brave smile anyway.

“Yeah, I mean… Yeah.”

Hands in the pockets of your jeans, you shrug when she raises an eyebrow. That wasn’t the most explicit and understandable sentence. Caitlin comes to stand next to you, looking closely at you.

“You know you can talk to me, right? I mean I wasn’t with you when it happened, but if you need to…”

“I know Cait, thanks” you smile softly. “You weren’t in Barcelona, but you still checked on me. I haven’t forgotten it. But I don’t know if there is a lot to say, to be honest.”

Realizing that you don’t want to talk and not being the one to push the others, Caitlin just passes an arm around your shoulders to give you a hug. It’s comforting to be honest, you never thought that you will say that one day, but you kind of miss your Spanish’s teammates hugs and touch.

“It will get better with time” Caitlin whispers.

You nod and enjoy the hug as long as you can, Caitlin doesn’t seem to want to let you go. It was until you saw Katie’s coming in the garden too. Maybe stupidly, you gently push Caitlin away from you, making the Irish smirks.

“Don’t worry, I can share her with you”

Caitlin smiles and rolls her eyes.

“Mmmmmh. Nah, only for hugs actually” Katie adds, kissing her girlfriend’s head. “But I can share one of my guestrooms with you, if you feel too alone someday. You don’t even have to ask before coming.”

“Thanks” you smile.

Several hours later, you are turning on your mattress in Steph’s living room, unable to fall asleep. Even if your teammates tried to change your ideas, now that you are alone with your thoughts, you have trouble to fall asleep. Some of them went home but a lot of them decided to sleep here.

Your mind won’t shut up and you are getting crazy. The moment when you learned about Jenni cheating turn in your head on and on. The feelings you had, the questions you have since that day.

Why has she done that, why weren’t you enough, has she ever been really in love with you or were you just a hobby to pass time?

Scared to wake some of your teammates up, you finally decided to get up to go to the garden on more time. You miss the Spanish’s heat and shiver when you meet the English’s cold.

You don’t know how many times you stayed here before you feel somebody presence behind you.

“Hi” Alessia says softly.

“Hi” you whisper back without looking at her.

You look at her from the corner of your eyes after several minutes, to see that she’s looking at the sky. Like this, her eyes seem even bluer than they already are. Realizing that you are starring, you hurry to look at something else.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Alessia finally asks.

“No” you mumble, frowning.

Like a lot of people in Arsenal, you don’t have talked with Alessia about the end of your relationship. Or your relationship itself. You never asked Alessia about her love life either, the kind of crush you are developing for her being scary enough for you like this.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this” the blonde finally says. “I never had to deal with things like this, but I can imagine how hard it is.”

“It’s not only about the end of the relationship, but also a lot about the betrayal too. I never thought we will be endgame, but I was really attached to her, and I trusted her with my whole life. This raises so many questions in me…”

Alessia is looking at you, you can feel her eyes on you. But it’s not the kind of invading look, you can almost feel her concern in the way she looks at you.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You put your eyes on her, but you don’t really need it to understand that there is no push in the proposition. She just wants to help you to sort it out, if you want to.

“I just… don’t understand, I guess. Why has she done that? And why saying that it wasn’t true at first?”

“I can’t answer at her place” Alessia answers with a sad face. “Have you tried to talk to her about it?”

“No. I blocked her everywhere and unfollowed her teammates in case of they wanted to write me on Instagram or something. Our mutual friends are clever enough not to get in the middle of that.”

Alessia nods, seeming lost in her thoughts. She is still looking at you though.

“All I can say is that you deserve someone who will really take care of you. She wasn’t the one, obviously. You deserve the best.”

You shrug, not exactly knowing what to answer to that. You aren’t sure about it to be honest, if you deserve the best why do you have to deal with that kind of things? You probably have done something wrong; you just don’t know what.

“Hey, none of that” Alessia says like she can read your mind, slapping playfully your shoulder.

“I just keep thinking that maybe I deserved it. It makes me doubt about anyone, even my friend. If my girlfriend, the person who is supposed to love the most, thought that I wasn’t interesting enough, how can friends like me? And why? Are they really feeling that I deserve their attention or is it just pity?” you whisper, feeling your tears coming.

“Come here.”

She doesn’t let you the choice before hugging you, in a bones-crushed hug. But you needed it, honestly. Caitlin’s one was good, but this one is really special. Probably because of the girl hugging you. It’s scary and comforting at the same time.

“She’s the one who should question herself, not you. You are kind, you are lovely, you are beautiful, you are funny, you are clever… You have everything. She the one who lost someone great, not you. And I think I’m not only talking for myself when I say that we all love you here. We love you and we care for you, just like your former teammates, aren’t they keep messaging or calling you?”

“Yes, they are” you mumble in Alessia’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

She kisses your cheek, letting her lips press against your cheek a little longer than a usual friend kiss, the sweet girl trying to give you the most comfort possible. It works though, but you are not sure that it’s for the good reason. But once again, you don’t have the strength to get away from her.

That night, you made yourself the promise not to show any romantics feeling toward Alessia. Because you realized that it’s already too late for you to try to fight those feelings. You know that Alessia is sweet, but so was Jenni before she decided to cheat on you. You are not sure about Alessia sexuality anyway and there is no world where you ask her the question, it would been too strange. You don’t want anything to change between both of you.

The fans started to realize that Alessia had became your “team buddy” like they like to say, just like Jana were when you were still in Barcelona. She usually sits next to you in the bus, you drive her to the training or the home games and you stay at each other house sometimes after training. Some people are joking about Ella and Jana being replaced, making you roll your eyes when Alessia mentioned it. You love Jana, but never thought about her in any way other than friend. Which isn’t the case for Alessia.

You take the habit to cuddle against her when you are watching a movie at home, and you are surprised that she took you herself against her for the next movie during a team bonding. You try your best to erase any surprise on your face, but you catch Leah and Caitlin’s eyes on you, and you can’t hide the blush creeping on your cheeks. Leah doesn’t seem upset or trying to make fun of you, she seems to be thinking. It’s harder to read Caitlin’s look.

When you raise your eyes on Alessia’s face, she’s watching peacefully the film, so you decide to imitate her, ignoring Leah and Caitlin whispers.

“Hey Kiddo, can I talk to you?” Caitlin asks you after a training session.

Almost all of the girls have already left and the ones who stayed aren’t looking or listening to you. You saw that Katie left already and Alessia is still under the shower, her hair routine being incredibly long.

“Sure” you smile at your teammate.

She smiles and sits next to you in your cubby, looking straight into your eyes. Hers are inquisitive and you can’t keep looking at them, even if there is no trace of something negative.

“I just wanted to know how you are feeling, after Steph’s party. I know Katie kind of interrupt, but if there is something bothering you, you can come to me.”

“I know” you smile affectionally at the older girl. “I trust you. It’s just that I don’t even know where to start.”

“What about we start about you and Alessia?” Caitlin asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

You try to put your best poker face here, but you are not sure it will work. Caitlin knows you since you are 17, from the first time you were called in Australia senior team when their first goalkeeper got injured.

“I myself fell in love with a teammate. Twice. The second wasn’t at all planned but here we are. I know the signs.”

There is a small smile on Caitlin’s face, and you sigh softly. There is almost no one in the locker room now, only Vic talking very fast and very Dutch in her phone. And Caitlin isn’t screaming either, there is no way that Vic can hear both of you. Looking at your feet, you frown before answering.

“You are right, but nothing will happen” you whisper, throat clenched. You shouldn’t be sad like that. “It’s not a good idea to fall for someone so fast after being cheated on and Alessia definitely isn’t sharing those feelings.”

Caitlin offers you an empathic smile, putting her hand on your shoulder. It makes you raise your eyes on her again.

“You can’t control your feelings. Jenni was a bitch to you, but you can’t let her and her mistakes decide of the rest of your life. What she did to you was wrong, it wasn’t deserved in any way. You have to fight for your happiness Kiddo, with Less or someone else.”

You bite your lip softly; you know that Caitlin is right in a way. You can’t let Jenni’s actions guide your life. But there is another problem here.

“I don’t want to take risks and lose Alessia. I really need her in my life right now. Do you… Do you know if she’s really straight?”

“No, I don’t, I’m sorry. We can try to figure out though.”

You really didn’t expect that Caitlin will ask Katie to help you both figuring out. You were thinking that Cait’ would asks Alessia during a private conversation or something like that. Not during a party in a nightclub, and not by Katie suddenly asking out loud

“We need to find you someone Less! The MVP of the game needs to have some fun tonight. Show me what kind of person you like, and I will go to talk to them.”

You almost chock on your drink, making Beth tap you a little harder than needed on your back. Alessia is looking at Katie with wide eyes when you can breathe again.

“Come on! What about him?” the Irish asks, pointing a random man on the crowd (you grimace). “Or him? Or maybe you’re on the good side and into girls too?”

Alessia went bright red and Caitlin smirks at you. You have your answer, but you don’t really like to see Alessia being so uncomfortable. You would have prefer the soft manner.

“Leave her alone, you evil” you say, putting a protective hand on Alessia knee.

Katie chuckles and stands up, taking Caitlin by the hand to drag her on the dance floor after having kissed in apology Alessia on the head. You knew that you wouldn’t see both of them until tomorrow morning.

“Are you okay?” you ask Alessia.

You feel guilty for her discomfort, she always has been nothing but sweet and caring with you. But she smiles at you and squeezes the hand you still have on her knee.

“I am. Don’t worry.”

It’s really hard not to fall in love even harder when she smiles at you like that. You gave her a weak smile back, forcing yourself not to let your eyes fall in her lips when she mixes your fingers together under the table. You are trying so hard that you missed the look Beth and Leah exchanged at the same moment.

“Come on, please! You can’t miss my birthday!”

Alexia’s pleading voice makes you smile. She’s whining like a little child and to be honest how much she wants you to be her makes you very happy.

“Alright La Reina, I’ll be there.”

The happy scream Alexia let out make you laugh.

“Too bad I wasn’t recording that, it would have made TikTok mad” you smirk.

“Callate. So, you are coming, would you like to sleep at mine?”

“No, I don’t want to disturb you. I’ll ask Jana, don’t worry. You will have already a lot to think about.”

“Nothing actually, Alba and Mama are organizing the party alone. I’m not even allowed to choose my cake.”

You are not surprised. You know how much Alba is willing to help her sister to lose control over things, organizing her birthday is a way to help Alexia cool down. And Eli is definitely the one person needed to control her younger daughter energy in the process.

“What do you want for gift?”

“Nothing, just you coming is enough.”

“Well I have to find enough gift paper to wrap myself in it.”

“Y/N, you’re coming Saturday, right?”

You raise your eyes on Kyra, standing in front of you. She’s the one organizing the party this weekend and you know how much she’s looking for it. But you won’t be able to make it.

“No Kyra, I’m sorry. I won’t be in London that weekend.”

“What? Where are you going?” she asks, frowning.

You saw behind her Alessia looking at you, just like Leah.

“It’s Alexia’s birthday. She asked me to come, and I said yes. I haven’t seen them for ages, and we don’t have any game or training for two days, so…”

You shrug while Kyra pouts and you give her a smile before pinching her cheek.

“Aw don’t be sad Kyky. I’m sure you will have fun and I’ll take you back some Sangria, okay?”

“Don’t call me Kyky” she whines, slapping your hand away. “And I want Sangria and Iberic ham.”

You smile when she turns your back to you to go to Steph and you finish to put your things in your bag. When you are finished, you sit again just to see that Alessia is looking at you.

“Are you ready?” you ask, and she nods.

Like almost every day, you drive her home with your car. The journey to the parking is silent and you can see from the corner of your eyes that there is a wrinkle between Alessia’s eyebrow.

“Are you okay?” you finally ask after the middle of the trip for her house.

Alessia is usually very talkative, and she hasn’t said a single word, looking by the window of your car, which you find it very worrying.

“Yeah” she just answers.

She gives you a soft smile and starts to look again by the window. You decide not to insist, so you put your eyes on the road in front of you. But not after thirty seconds, you feel Alessia’s hand looking for yours, linking your fingers like she took the habits since several weeks now.

Your heart fluttered every single time.

“Am I still invited to diner?” you ask when you parked your car in front of Alessia’s house.

“Of course you are!”

She’s frowning, seeming offended by your question. But it makes you smile and without thinking about your move, you kiss her hand before getting out of the car. You breath again when Alessia get out too, not mentioning or showing any discomfort about your gesture.

Alessia decided for a pasta night, she promised you to make you try one of her Nona’s receipts. You help her with the vegetables, cutting them for her.

“When are you leaving for Spain?” she asks while stirring the sauce.

“Saturday morning. I take the first flight to be able to enjoy the most of time possible. And I’m coming back on Sunday night, I’ll take the last flight.”

Alessia nods softly, concentrated on her sauce. Well, that’s what you think she’s doing. You don’t know that there is a hurricane in her head at that moment.

“Do you want me to take you to the airport?”

“I’d love to, but it’s really early, Lessi.”

It’s not what seems to retain her attention.

“I like when you call me Lessi. People usually go for Less.”

She looks at you with a smile and you can’t help but smile back. That girl really has the most sweet, cute and amazing smile in the world. How much you want to kiss her right now might not be healthy.

“I’ll drive you. I don’t care if it’s at 4 in the morning.”

She doesn’t seem to let you any opportunity to make her change her mind, so you just accept her proposition.

Alessia proposed you a glass of red wine to drink with the pasta and you accept, curious to see what kind of wine are the Italian one. You only know the Spanish and the French for now. You don’t drink a lot and Alessia neither, during the party with the team you sometimes drink a glass and that’s all.

So, after three glasses and the pasta, you maybe are a little tipsy when you find yourself in the couch with Alessia. She puts a movie on TV, but you are way more focused on the fact to keep your hands in the right places, even if you are cuddling with the blonde. Your skin is on fire where she strokes your arm with her fingertips.

When the effects she has on you are starting to remember you the not really PG18 dreams you sometimes have about her, you stand from the couch to go take a drink in her kitchen. You take advantage of being in the kitchen to splash cold water on your face to cool down like you can.

But when you join Alessia again on the couch, she rolls to be lying with her front totally on your stomach, one of her legs between yours.

“I’m going to miss you this weekend” she mumbles, eyes still on the screen.

“I will miss you too” you answer, playing with her hair.

“No sense. You will find back all of your friends from Barcelona. You won’t even have the time to think about me.”

“Now you’re the one talking no sense” you whisper.

You are not really sure that she heard you at first, because she doesn’t say anything or doesn’t move. But then she’s pushing on her hands to sit down and turn herself to face you.

“Really?”

Her baby blue eyes are scanning you, but you don’t look away. You are like hypnotized by her.

“Of course, Lessi.”

Your hands went naturally on her thighs and you feel your heart beating fast when she leans on you, her forehead finally softly pressed against yours.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

You don’t know why you are scared. It’s Alessia. You know you can trust her. You never have been able to look at her so closely and you know that you will never see something more beautiful. Her eyes are looking for something in yours when she strokes softly your cheek with her hand.

“I’m going to kiss you”

Even if it’s more of a statement than a question, she waits for the small nod you give her to break the last centimeters separating your lips. The first kiss is just a small press of her lips on yours, but the fireworks in your brain are still here.

Your breath hitch, but then she’s kissing you a second time and you take advantage of having her sitting on your lap to pass a hand on her neck and deepens the kiss. After several time – you lost track of time since long – she whimpers, and you know you have to stop here if you don’t want to lose your mind.

“Lessi” you try to talk when your lips are separated for you to breathe again.

A small hum makes you understand that she heard you, even if she starts to kiss your jaw.

“Lessi, we need to – of fuck.”

She just bites your neck, and you will probably combust in a few seconds. No one kissed you for ages, even when you were still in relationship with Jenni. She was across the world after all. And the one touching you right now is Alessia, the girl you are dreaming off days and nights.

“Alessia, please” you try again, totally breathless. “We need to slow down.”

“But why?”

She’s frowning when she detached her lips from your neck to look at you. Her lips are swollen, her cheeks are pink and what you can see in her eyes make you shudder. You still have to shake you mentally though.

“Because, if we keep things that way, I will probably lose my mind at some point. And you drunk wine, so you are not totally in control. And you have no ideas about the affects you have on me”

“But I want it. I’m very aware of what we are doing” she whispers, stroking your lips with hers. “I waited for it for so long.”

“I don’t want it to be a one-time thing” you whisper back.

It’s maybe not the moment to show some vulnerability, but you have to be honest with her and with yourself. You know that it might take you away from what you are sharing right now, but you probably won’t survive a deception with her.

It seems to touch Alessia though, because she’s sitting a little more to have a better look at you. And then you can see a glimpse of tenderness between the lust and the want.

“Me neither.”

Your heart jump in your chest and after looking at her for a second more, just to be sure that you understood correctly, you take her again against you to kiss her.

“You’re glowing!”

You roll your eyes at Lucy’s sentence when she great you at Barcelona airport. You hug her bag anyway, before turning to face Ona.

“Don’t make that face, it’s true” the Spaniard smirks.

“Talk for yourself. I never seen you looking so good” you say before turning to Lucy with a smirk. “You, in another hand, you are aging.”

“Piss off” Lucy says, hitting you on the head.

You laugh and pass your hand around her shoulders, assuring her that you are joking. You are happy to be back to be honest, you miss Barcelona. The smell is so different from London, and you feel a wave of nostalgia take you when Lucy drives you in the streets.

You are supposed to sleep to Jana’s for the weekend, but she had a duty that she couldn’t skip, so the golden couple from Barcelona took on them to take you from the airport. You know that a lot of your ex-teammates would come for you if you had ask. You take advantage of the small journey to write to Alessia, letting her know that you have well arrived.

“Jana is maybe not home for now, but she gave us the key for her flat. Do you want to come to ours to wait though?” Ona asks, turning in your direction.

“Nah, don’t worry” you answer, looking up from your phone. “Like this I will be able to take a shower. I will see you both tonight though, right?”

“Of course.”

Jana makes a happy squeak when she sees you sitting on her couch, your clothes changed to support Barcelona’s heath. You laugh at her but hug her back anyway, really happy to see her in real again.

“I missed you so much! Look at you, how are you so white?” she smirks, pinching your cheek.

“Meh, and how are you still so small?”

You have texted with Alessia before Jana’s return, so you are able to talk to the girl non-stop for hours without any interruption. Jana made you diner that you eat with a Sangria, catching up the news that you missed from your phone calls. It’s only at the end of the meal that your friend asks you a question that you weren’t waiting anymore.

“So. Who is making you this happy?”

You are happy to have already finish your dish, because you probably would have chock on your food. You never talked about your feelings for Alessia to anyone, only to Caitlin. You don’t know that you are very obvious for your other teammates.

“What are you talking about?”

“You look very happy. I haven’t seen you so happy for months. So, who it is?”

You look at your friend, not knowing what to say. You haven’t talk with Alessia about the finality of your relationship, you haven’t labelled it either. You don’t know if she will be ok for you to talk about it. After what happened in her apartment that night, you talked with Alessia the morning after. You were relieved to learn that she didn’t change her mind and she still wanted more than a (wonderful) night together.

You haven’t sleep separately since that day, until you have to leave for Barcelona. Alessia took you to the airport like she said, kissing you goodbye.

“Come on, talk to me” Jana add, hitting your feet with hers. “Is it someone I know?”

“I don’t think so” you bite your lip. “Unless you already met Alessia Russo?”

“No way! I thought she was straight!”

You laugh, unable to resist to the surprise and the amazement on Jana’s face. You know that you won’t be able to skip the questions from your friend now and you really hope that Alessia won’t be mad at you about it. You make Jana promise that she won’t say anything to anyone.

You take advantage of Jana taking a shower to call the blonde back in London. You don’t know if she’s already at the team bonding, but after texting her to know if you can call her, she did it herself.

“Hello” says Alessia’s voice and you can’t help but smile.

“Hi Beautiful” you smile softly, happy to hear her. “Am I disturbing you?”

“You never disturbed me before; it won’t start now. I’m waiting for Leah to take me to Kyra’s, my favorite driver failed me.”

Alessia is teasing you, you can say it only with her voice.

“I’ll make it up to you” you promise, still smiling.

“You better. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Do you have time to talk about something?”

“Of course?”

You try to be as concise as possible, putting the most important point of the conversation in the middle; you talked to Jana about you two. With Alessia not in front of you, you aren’t able to read her facial expressions and it’s worry you. What if it’s too soon? Would it be something that could make her back up?

Without realizing it, you start to talk maybe a little too fast, you are way to anxious for your own good.

“You talked about us to Jana?” Alessia summarizes after your rumbling.

“Yeah” you breath.

“That’s all?”

“Yeah?”

“Why am I feeling that you are waiting for me to be mad at you? Jana is one of your best friend, right?”

“I don’t know, it’s still the early hours of whatever is existing between us, and I don’t want to pressure you or something.”

You can hear that Alessia is confused, but you are yourself confuse about her confusion.

“But I thought that we were on the same page, that we are serious with each other?”

“I am, Lessi. I am very serious about us. So, you aren’t mad?”

“Of course not, you have the right to talk about us to your friends. Don’t torture yourself like this Sweetheart. Look Leah is here since several minutes already, I really have to go. Keep me update about your night?”

“I will. I’m waiting for your messages too” you smile softly, your heart jumping at the cute surname. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me too”

You can hear Alessia’s smile in her voice when she sends you a kiss, wishing you a good night. You feel better now that you heard Alessia’s voice and now that you are sure about what you’ve done.

It’s with a light heart that you enter the bar privatized for the party by the Putellas, to see that a lot of people are already here.

“Here she is!” Cata shouts when she jumps on your back before kissing your cheek with a useless noise.

Then Salma pinches your cheek, Marta ruffles your hair, Mapi jumps excitably next to you and Patri slaps you behind your head. You missed them. You managed to get out of the grip of your former teammates to go see Alexia, who hug you tightly. You smile at Olga behind Alexia’s shoulder, before she releases you to take your face in her hands and looks at you with seriousness.

“You need a tan.”

“Oh, come one” you groan “I live in London, what were you all expected? It’s a miracle that you can’t actually see through my skin.”

Some of your friends around you laugh and Alexia gives you one of her big smiles in return.

“Well, you need to come here this summer in that case.”

“It works for me” you smirk.

Alexia seems happy with your answer and drag you to the bar for you to chose something to drink. You take the opportunity to catch up with a lot of your friends, talking in front of them is definitely better than messaging.

The night went great, you have a lot of fun with all of them. Mapi even managed to drag you on the dance floor at some point for several songs, before you go to get another drink. You find here Ingrid and Frido and start to talk with them, before being find by Jana.

You had a lot of notifications on your phone, your friends posting different stories on Instagram, marking you in the one you are. But you just check Alessia’s messages to be honest.

You were laughing about a story Jana was telling when you spot her. Jennifer Hermoso is here, and you feel all the blood in your face being drained. You never thought that she will be present, no one informed you. You would probably never come if you knew.

When you turn to Jana, she’s looking at you with wide eyes.

“Jana…”

“I didn’t know she would come Y/N, I swear!”

You just have to look at her to know that she’s saying the truth. But Jenni is still here, and you haven’t seen her since your breakup. The breakup who came three months after you saw her for the last time.

“Do you want to leave?”

Jana offers you a way out and you are really tempted to use it. But in another hand, you were having fun, it’s Alexia birthday and you have the right to be here. You wonder if Jenni knows that you are here.

“No, I…”

You start to talk, before remembering that pictures are posted on social media, and you are scared that Alessia sees a picture of Jenni before you inform her that she’s here. But wouldn’t be more suspect if you write her just several seconds after having spotted her?

“Should I tell Lessi?” you whisper to Jana.

She looks at you thoughtfully, but there is soon a blond tornado grabbing you by your arms. Alexia seems terrified when she looks at you.

“Y/N, Jenni is here, I’m sorry. She wanted to surprise me, Alba just mentioned to her the date of the party and she wanted to make a surprise.”

“It’s ok Ale” you assure her, managing to smile at her. “I promised I won’t make a scene.”

“That’s not what scare me, idiota.”

“I’ll ignore and avoid her. The bar is big enough.”

“She’s here with her girlfriend.”

“Still” you say after a beam of silence. “It’s ok Ale, keep enjoying your night ok?”

Her hazel eyes look at you for a small time before she nods slowly. You always find her way to look at people strange but fascinating. Like she can scan your mind and your soul.

“You’ll need to talk to me about your new girlfriend, though. But maybe not now.”

“Maybe not now” you say back, unable to hide your smile.

Alexia leaves after that and you finish your drink to keep your hands busy. The three other girls started to talk again about a random thing that you aren’t able to really follow at first. They don’t seem to realize it, or they just let you the time to adapt to the new situation.

Soon after, you have a great distraction because Alexia’s cake is coming and you can only laugh when you see that it’s decorated with childish Barcelona goodies.

Jenni is tall and it’s hard to miss her in a crowd. You easily spot the girl who is with her and it seems to you that she’s not the one she cheated on you with. But maybe you shouldn’t look at them. Lucy and Ona offer you a good entertainment when they come to you, Lucy grumpily complaining about a waitress trying to hit on Ona. The Spaniard rolls her eyes during Lucy’s explanations, but still sticks against Lucy who passed a possessive arm around her waist.

It makes you miss Alessia.

You were touchy before your first kiss; you always find comfort with her touch.

So, you excuse yourself to go outside to try to call Alessia. You hope that she won’t think that you are too invasive and that thought made you hesitate several seconds when you are outside, your phone’s screen on her ID.

“I was wondering if I will see you in person today.”

You recognize the voice way before raising your eyes on her. Jenni is against the wall of the club, two meters away from you, a cigarette in her hand.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here” you answer.

She looks at you several seconds before shrugging and putting her cigarette on the trash next to her. You take advantage of that gesture to have a real look at her. She hasn’t changed, but you realize with a big relief that you don’t feel any attraction to her.

“I wanted to surprise Alexia. I didn’t know I will surprise you either. I hope it’s ok that I am here.”

“It’s not my birthday, I don’t have anything to say” you answer honestly.

“If you haven’t blocked me everywhere, I would have told you”

You are surprised by that statement and raise both of your eyebrow while looking at her.

“Do I really need to remember you why I blocked you?”

You have been using a neutral voice until now, but you suddenly find her way to cocky and at ease with her behavior. She seems surprised at her turn by the tone of your voice.

“No” she only answer.

You wanted to call Alessia but if that’s mean that you have to be near Jenni, you rather go inside. But when you turn to go inside, you hear her coming closer to you.

“Wait, can we at least talk?”

You sigh softly before turning in her direction again. It’s weird to be faced with her, to be honest. And you don’t really like it. But maybe you have to pass that moment to get over what happened and the different questions you have about it.

“What do you want to talk about?” you ask, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What happened. I never said that I’m sorry that it finished like that. And I’m sorry that you needed to leave Barcelona after.”

You didn’t expect any excuse, to be honest. You always loved Jenni’s cocky side, her humor and her strength of character. You always have been admirative about the way she stands with her convictions.

“It seems like we weren’t meant to be” you finally answer, shrugging slightly. “But the betrayal was the worst thing ever. That’s what destroyed me, Jenni. I trusted you and you just put two years in the trash like it never meant anything to you. That was hard.”

It’s not usual to see Jenni without knowing what to answer, but for now she’s just standing in front of you with all of her charism, but oh so different from Alessia. They are both tall but except than that, they are in nothing similar. Alessia is the sweetness personified where Jenni is cocky. Alessia has the bluest eyes you have ever seen where Jenni’s are deep brown. Alessia has blond hair, Jenni has brown.

“I’m sorry” Jenni says again.

“Forget it. Where’s your girlfriend? She’s not the one you were dating while we were supposed to still be together, is she?”

Jenni seems uneasy suddenly, dancing on her heels.

“No. I stopped things with her, she kept remembering me how bad I was with you. When we broke up, no one wanted to talk about you to me. I knew like this how much you were hurt and then I learned that you left Barcelona for London.”

You are surprised by that, to be honest. You always thought that Jenni was living her best life with her new girlfriend, completely ignoring the pain she did to you. You were wrong, but you are grateful for you friends and the way they protected you. You stay silence and Jenni takes the opportunity to come closer to you, raising her hand probably in attempt to touch your face.

“Don’t” you say, stepping back a few steps.

“I wanted to see if you thought that we will be able to start to talk again, but I think I can guess the answer already.”

“You knew I would be here” you frown.

Jenni bites her lip and shrugs. She doesn’t have to answer anything, you already know the answer. In fact, you weren’t asking a question, it was more a statement from you.

“You met someone, right?”

“It’s none of your business, Jenni. I’m sorry.”

Not after everything she made you live. Alessia is your treasure, and you don’t want Jenni to smear it. You turn your heels to go back inside. You haven’t call Alessia and you hope that no one saw the encounter you just had with Jenni, at least before you call the blonde.

But when you saw a photograph going inside just before you, you start to panic. Hands shaking, you grab your phone and manage to find a quiet place somewhere to call Alessia.

When she doesn’t answer, you start to really panic. If you look at the picture from another point of view, you are probably over-reacting. People would thought that you are too attached to Alessia and that you are kind of toxic. But they can’t understand how much Alessia means to you.

“Y/N?”

You raise your head to look at Jana, who is looking back at you with worry.

“She doesn’t answer” you mumble.

“Have you talked to Jenni? I saw her coming inside just after you.”

“Yeah. She said that she was sorry or whatever… Will you be mad if I go home now?”

“I’m coming with you.”

Jana seems decided about her decision, but there is no way that you let her make her night awful because of you.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s Alexia’s birthday, you can’t go home now.”

“You, don’t be stupid. Come on.”

She takes your hand and drags you in the crowd, you want to at least say goodbye to Alexia. You find her easily, talking with some of her friends. You don’t have to explain anything to her, she hugs you as tightly as earlier and you hug her back.

“Take care of you, yeah? And warn your girlfriend that she will have to deal with me if she does shit with you.”

“I’ll tell her” you smile softly.

If she answers your calls at one point.

But you don’t say anything to Alexia for now, it’s her birthday. You want her to have a perfect night and to remember this with happiness. You had a great time yourself, until Jenni made her appearance.

During your trip to Jana’s flat, you tried to call Alessia twice, but she still doesn’t answer. You don’t really understand why, because you looked at the stories and posts you were tag in and there is nothing with Jenni and you. There definitively are pictures of Jenni though and you saw several fans becoming crazy, wondering if it means that you are back together.

You thought about calling Leah or Caitlin, but you don’t want to put other people in this mess.

You are the mess anyway, when you arrive in Jana’s, you just lie on the bed in her guestroom, looking at your phone, waiting for it to have Alessia ID appearing on the screen. You don’t understand why she doesn’t answer, even if you are watching a movie during team bonding, she has a phone in her hand.

You have a little bit of hope every time you see your phone light up, but It’s never Alessia. Jana felt asleep since a long time already when you feel your eyes being heavy. But you are scared and you are not able to fall asleep.

You lost hope to hear Alessia’s voice when the screen shine one more time. But this time it’s Alessia’s picture and you jump on your phone to answer.

“Hello?” you say, your heart beating somewhere close to your lips.

“Hi Baby” Alessia whispers. “I’m sorry, I fall asleep while looking at the movie.”

“Oh.”

Finally, you probably were overreacting. But you are relieved and that’s the most important thing for you now. Jana groans next to you before rolling on the bed to hide her face under the pillow, making you roll your eyes. To prevent any fight, you get up to get out of the room.

“Yeah. I’ll never trusted Kyra’s choice ever again.”

“Are you having a good night though?”

“I am. But everyone is asleep or going home now. I usually don’t fall asleep because I’m fighting against it to enjoy the fact that I’m with you, but I have no reason to do it today.”

She’s talking a lot, like always, but you are so glad about that. Her voice helps you to settle your nerves a little, but she easily catches that something is wrong.

“Where are you? It’s quiet around you, I thought that Spanish people were party animal?”

“Oh, they are” you answer, thinking about Jana dead asleep in the room.

“Is everything ok?”

You don’t know what to answer at that, so the next seconds are silent, and it can be stressing for Alessia maybe.

“Y/N?”

“She is here. In Barcelona. She came to Alexia’s party.”

You don’t have to name her, Alessia probably understands who you are talking about just like this. You hear her take a breath and you bite your lip hard.

“I- We talked but there was nothing more than talking, Lessi I swear. And I didn’t want to talk to her at first, but I went outside to call you and she was there all alone. I even didn’t saw her at first, but then she started to talk to me and –“

“Y/N!”

You can hear in Alessia’s voice that it’s not the first time that she tried to get your attention by calling your name. But you suddenly shut up, breathing quickly.

“Can you take a deep breath and please sit on something?”

You don’t ask how she knows that you are walking around Jana’s living room, but you listen to her and sit on the couch.

“I didn’t know she would be here” you mumble shyly.

“I guessed, I know that you would have told me if you knew. Why are you so tensed? What happened?”

What happened? Well almost nothing, now that you have her on the phone speaking to you. How can you tell her that you were stressing for nothing? You don’t want to look crazier than you are to Alessia. Sighting softly, you press your index and your thumb in your eyes.

“Y/N?”

Alessia’s voice is worried now and that the last thing you want her to be. Worried because of you.

“Nothing. It’s just… I got scared that you’ll see pictures of me and her before I talked to you about it.”

“About what?”

“Her being here” you shrug. “Like I told you, I found myself facing her without wanting it. And you know how social media work.”

There is a beam of silence, and you look at your screen to be sure that Alessia is still here.

“What have you talked about?”

“We talked about the breakup; she told me that my friends make a great work for her not being able to talk to me again after it. She said that she’s sorry for hurting me and that she’s not anymore with the girl she cheated on me with” you answer, searching in your mind if you forgot something.

Alessia snorts.

“Why in the world would she break a relationship with you with another woman to stop dating her right after?”

“She said that she remembered her how bad she treated me” you shrug. “And she said she wanted to us to start again.”

“Is it something you want?”

You regret not to have turn this call in a FaceTime earlier, Alessia’s tone is very plate, and it would have been easier to understand her feelings if you were able to have a look at her. You don’t hesitate before answering at that question though.

“No. I’m definitely over her, even if I think I still have repercussions from her behavior. But I’m not interested”

“Good”

You hear a sigh of relief, and you smile softly. Your feelings for Alessia scare you, but you know that you won’t find a more comprehensive and sweeter person in the world. You don’t know if she’s the one (you hope she is) but right now you don’t think that you could ever find someone better than Alessia Is for you.

“Can we switch on video call?” you ask shyly.

Alessia accepted easily and you are happy to see her pretty face again. She’s lying in a bed, on her stomach and everything is dark around her. She show you the room that you recognized like one of Kyra’s spare room.

“Thank you for telling me everything. It might have been hard to face her.”

“It was. But it answered some of the questions I had”

“Which ones?”

You see Alessia tilts her head and can’t help but smile at the cuteness of the girl.

“She doesn’t really explain why she cheated, but I think I understood that it wasn’t really my fault. And I learned that she actually felt bad about it, it’s probably selfish but I was happy to hear that.”

“Cheating is selfish. Wanting to feel better after being cheated on isn’t.”

Alessia’s looking at you with frown eyebrows. You know that she’s mad to Jenni about the cheating, other than that she never really met your ex-girlfriend. You’re not sure that they would get along very well anyway.

“And when she asks me if we could start to talk again and try to touch my face I – “

“I beg you pardon?”

Oh, right. You didn’t mention the almost touching part, but you only forgot. Judging by Alessia’s reaction, it seems pretty important for her. Her face is perfectly neutral, but you can see fire in her eyes.

“She tried to touch you?”

“Well, my face or my hair I don’t know. I didn’t let her though.”

Alessia just snorts in answer. She seems to be disturbed by the gesture more than all the conversation, even if Jenni said that she wanted for you to talk again. You stay silent after that, not really knowing what to add or to say.

“Are you ok? I’m sorry if it’s too much” you finally say after several time.

“Yeah. I just don’t like the idea of someone wanting to touch my- what’s-… Well, you know. You.”

You hum for only answer, looking at the blonde’s soft face. There is a light pink covering her cheeks, but you decide not to tease her about it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course” Alessia answer, trying to hide a yawn.

“Do you think that what we have is like, too much?”

“Too much what?” the blonde asks, tilting her head on the side again.

“I don’t know. Too intense, too fast?”

“No” she smiles. “I’ve waited for weeks before kissing you.”

“Yes but… We kissed for the first time only five days ago and now everything we just talked about is happening?”

“Stop me if I’m wrong but you haven’t only kissed, actually.”

“Alessia.” you answer, blushing at your turn now.

“I think I prefer when you call me Lessi” she smirks before giggling when she sees you rolling your eyes. “No to answer seriously, I don’t think it’s too much. We have our proper history and way to do things, but like every couple in the world.”

You nod softly, putting your feet on the table in front of you. You hate the way that you are not able to be sure about her statement entirely. But you don’t want to say it and take the risk to hurt her, she already has been way too understanding with you since the beginning.

“Hey” she says softly to attract your attention again. “I’m very happy with how we are doing things. And if something will bother me at some point, I’ll talk to you about it, ok?”

“Ok” you mumble back with a soft smile. “I’m sorry to be like this.”

“You don’t have to. Someone broke your trust at some point, it’s normal for you to need reassurances. I knew about it when I started to pass time with you, when we kiss and everything. I knew it was a part of you and if you let me, I will make everything for you to trust me with everything you have. And I will take care of you like you deserve it.”

The amount of love you have for this woman. You don’t know how you could translate it, to be honest. If she was next to you it would have been easier, you only would have kiss her with all the feelings you have for her.

“You’re going to make my heart explode” you can only say, really emotional about her declaration.

“Mmh we don’t want that, do we?”

You passed the next morning with Jana, Ona, Lucy and Bruna, eating a brunch on the beach. You even went into the water, even if it’s only February. It made Lucy laughs, only until Narla follows you and didn’t want to get out of the water after. Lucy had to go herself to take her out and you were the one laughing.

(Ona threatened you to send her to London if she gets sick because of it, not wanting to deal with an ill Lucy. Which you know are deep lies.)

In the afternoon, you said goodbye to Jana and the others to have quality time with Alexia. You explain to her what happened with Alessia those last days and then what happened with Jenni yesterday. She doesn’t seem surprised but she sights nevertheless. Ale explains to you that Jenni asked her several times to talk to you for her, which Alexia refused every time.

She doesn’t say that Jenni used that birthday like an excuse to be able to talk to you, but you understand it. It doesn’t make sense for you that she might have that idea and still came with her girlfriend. Alexia didn’t had any explanation, so you rather talk about something else. You teased Alexia a little about her relationship with Olga, but she gets her revenge while asking you thousands of questions about you and Alessia.

Ale’ drove you to the airport and you exchanged a hug, promising each other that you won’t let pass so much time until you saw each other again. Seems like it would be in Barcelona, because you weren’t able to convince La Reina to come in England.

You left Barcelona with your heart full of love and your suitcases full of Sangria and ham for Kyra. You slept during the trip, and you are a little lost when you arrived at London. You managed to convince Alessia to go to sleep and only come to see you tomorrow morning with the breakfast, you have training around ten, and you don’t want her to be tired because of you. So, you don’t expect anyone waiting for you.

You are in auto mode while walking to grab a taxi and go home as soon as possible. You can’t wait to take a shower and fall back asleep again. You jump out of your skin when you feel a hand grabbing your arm, even if it was very softly.

“Wha…”

You turn yourself to be facing a smirking Alessia and your mind get blank for several seconds.

“Lessi?”

“Hi” she says before kissing your cheek and hugging you.

You pass your arms around her, still a little in chock. You hadn’t expected her here, you thought that she will be at home, peacefully asleep.

“Weren’t you supposed to be in your bed right now?” you whisper during the hug.

“I just couldn’t wait to see you.”

You smile and hug her even harder. It feels like you haven’t seen her for two weeks, but it was only two days. It shows how much time you are passing together. You breath her sent with pleasure and miss her arms around you as soon as she lets you go.

“Come on, let’s go to my car so I can kiss you properly” she suddenly says, dragging you by your arm.

You laugh when you follow her, but the kisses you received after were worth it. You thought that the period where you were kissing in a car were definitively behind you, but it seems like Alessia has other ideas.

After one hour in her car, you are finally home. You abandoned Alessia the time to go to take a shower but find her in her pajama when you are crawling in your bed. You snuggle up against her, happy to have her with you even if she didn’t listen to you.

“I think that Leah and Caitlin are suspecting something about us” Alessia whispers after some minutes.

“Mh. I might have talked to Caitlin about my feelings for you before something happened” you mumble, blushing slightly.

“Oh. Made sense”

“I don’t know about Leah though” you yawn, burying your face in her neck.

“She’s just very observant I think.”

You hum, letting your body relax against Alessia’s. Your eyes are heavy, but you can see that Alessia seems pretty awake, and you want to have more minutes with her.

“I have a confession to make” Alessia says.

You take your face away of her neck to be able to have a better look at her. She doesn’t have a guilty look on her face but seems more uneasy. You feel your heartbeat getting faster, scared to learn a bad new.

“Okay?” you just answer.

“When I learned that you were going back to Barcelona. I got scared”

You are frowning now, not understanding where she wants to go. You put your head on your hand to look at her, putting your other hand on her stomach. Alessia is laying on her back, but her face is turned in your direction.

“Why?”

“I was scared that you decide to stay in Barcelona. I know you miss your friends from here and the city. That’s what was in my mind when we came back from the training ground and a big party of the night. There were all the signals you were showing me but in another hand I know that you were hurt about your past and I didn’t want to press you about anything. Maybe I don’t know how much you are hurt, but I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But then I kept thinking that maybe you wouldn’t come back, and I decided to take my chance.”

“I’m so glad you did” you smile, stroking softly her face. “I would have come back though.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh uh” you whisper before leaning on her and kissing her tenderly. “I miss Barcelona and the girls, but I missed you very much too.”

You feel her smile under your lips, and she passes her arms around you to hug you. You already explained to her your discussions with your friends back in Barcelona in her car, so you are just able to enjoy her presence against you.

It didn’t last long though; you are falling asleep only two minutes after, protected by your lover’s arms. You smile in your sleep when she kisses your head softly. You feel safe, cared and loved, even if these words have not yet been said. It won’t take long though.

[ooffmlsorry]

OP Men Dating a "Girly Girl"

A/N: sorry this took so long and I haven't posted anything original in a minute my life is mess and I'm so very tired jfc...I know this isn't more than my usual group but I was just gonna stop at Luffy and then decided to add Ace and Sabo as a thank you because writing these and putting them on Tumblr has been really good for me, so thank you for always being here to indulge me 🥲 ❤️

Sanji, Zoro, Law, Luffy, Ace, Sabo

Sanji

Let's be honest, girly-girls drive Sanji craaaazzzzyy (not that all women don't, but he's definitely more partial to the feminine ones) Your make-up, pretty skirts and dresses, jewelry, and manicure, he can't help fawn over you constantly 😍Although you do it because you enjoy it, it's nice that your efforts are so appreciated!!

He spoils you soooo baaaddd!! He literally can't help himself when he sees something pretty or cute that reminds him of you, he has to get it for you. You're drowning in squishmallows at this point.

A river of blood shoots from him every time you show off a new outfit. You're going to kill him and he'll thank you for it.

Dressing up in nice outfits together, especially on date night, is a shared activity that you love to do together. Y'all are living your best happily ever after lives.

Ya'll definitely have scheduled self-care nights. You put on some slow music, open a bottle of wine, draw a bubble bath, all that.

He's utterly useless when it comes to helping you pick your outfits or makeup if you're stuck because he loves you in everything, it's too hard for him to pick. You're his perfect, beautiful Y/N-swaaaaan 😍💖💖✨

He does love to see you in pink or red though so he might default to those colors

Don't try to test your makeup on him lol, you're going to re-awaken the gender identity crisis...I mean Kamabakka trauma

Listen...I'm not saying Sanji has a mommy kink...I'm not even at Whole Cake Island so idk wtf is going on there. All I'm saying is if you give this man a bath, wrap him in a towel to dry him off, and rub him down with luxurious lotions and oils, you might awaken something...that's all...👀

ZORO

He has no clue wtf you're doing. If it weren't for the fact that there's no proof that witches exist in this world, he'd think you are one

He looks at your vanity full of serums, creams, scrubs, lotions, etc, not to mention the makeup and he's like "??????" Just completely baffled

But what do you expect? This man would use that five-in-one Irish Spring soap if he could.

Just because he doesn't understand it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate and admire the fact that you have extensive knowledge in something he can't even comprehend

He knows you like nice shiny things, and again, while he doesn't get it, he does think it's really, really cute when you go starry-eyed over a necklace or an outfit in a store.

In the same vein, he knows how much you love cute things and animals. He has absolutely found a cute animal in the jungle, picked it up, and brought it to you just to show you because he knew you'd love it.

Sometimes in his own gruff way he'll agree with you that it's pretty cute. Thank you for helping this manly man admit things are cute and that's okay.

Other times, he's the one making sure you don't get distracted because it's so cute

Unfortunately and fortunately, you're pretty to him no matter what you do to yourself so it's all kind of a moot point to him.

You can try to ask him about which 'x' to wear, sometimes it's helpful because he'll throw out a really practical answer and then other times he's like "How 'bout you just go naked" 😏.

He'll wear a face mask with you like...twice a year. And he's going to bitch and moan about it but he does it because he loves you. The entire process is like trying to give a cat a bath "WHY IS IT SO COLD? THIS STAYS ON MY FACE FOR HOW LONG???"

Exfoliate this man at your own risk...I'm dead serious that water is going to be brown

LAW

I need you to know right now this man will let you paint his nails!!! I mean, not like gel or acrylics or anything, but he'll let you paint them any color as long as it's a dark shade of that color. You once designed Bepo on his middle fingers. He did in fact flip people off a lot more often when he had them.

Let's you wear a pastel boiler suit because you he loves you and wants to see you happy

Much like Zoro, he's got no clue what you're doing. He'll stand back and watch you while making the exact same face as the gif above.

He thinks he's being stealthy peaking around a corner to watch your morning or night routine, but you quickly catch on. Please please pleeaaassee ask him if he has any questions because he does. He's just really curious why you're doing what you're doing and what it does. It's basically skin medicine and he's really fascinated.

Knowing that you like shiny things makes his life admittedly a little easier, it's not that he doesn't think of what to gift you, he puts A LOT of thought into what he gives you, but knowing that earrings, necklaces, and bracelets always make you happy is great just in case of analysis paralysis or he forgets. Sorry.

Also you wearing the jewelry he gets you does something to him, especially a necklace he can pull on a little, mmhhm you're making this man struggle with impure thoughts.

You both love cute things, it's something y'all connect on. It's really good that you help him access that very neglected inner child of his and encourage him to coo and fawn over adorable animals with zero reservation.

He'll do skincare with you too when he's not super busy. He can admit it's kind of nice to sit in bed with a book, glass of wine, and a face mask and just bask for a minute

He acts like he hates when you rub serums across his face and use a derma roller on him but he loves it

Law doesn't really pay attention to your clothes, but when you really go all out he breaks out in a sweat and he can't keep his eyes off you.

LUFFY

I'm not saying he thinks it's stupid, it just...why have an hours long care routine when you could be going on adventure with him??? 😭😭😭

He will help you pick out your makeup but don't expect it to look good. You're gonna end up with neon orange eyeshadow and green lipstick. Like literally every "My Boyfriend Does My Makeup" youtube video.

Plays around with your stuff but that's because he has no idea what all these strange contraptions are. The moment you try to explain his eyes glaze over and next thing you know he's whisking you away to go do something more fun.

He likes the shiny bright stuff (highlighter), makeup probably is the only part he even remotely engages in because it's

Explain how contour works to this man and watch him lose his fucking mind, he thinks you're a shape shifter now (honestly this applies to all of them except Law and maybe Sanji)

He never notices what you wear, Nami is gonna have smack him on the back of the head to get him to realize you put on something fancy

Luffy points out everything, it just so happens that things he points out sometime happen to be cute animals

Hides in all the stuffed animals and squishmallows in your room to surprise attack hug you

*throws mud at you* "Is this the kind of mud you like, Y/N??" He really means well though.

You know those hair masks with all natural ingredients like honey and banana? Yeah, he's gonna start sucking on your hair like spaghetti...I'm so sorry.

He'll bathe with you but that's because he wants to be close to you, it's definitely not about being pampered or relaxing.

Try to put a face mask on him or something else and it'll just become a game of tag around the Sunny. You can't catch him and he's having a great time outrunning and outwitting you.

He knows this is all important to you so even though he doesn't get it he'd never make fun of you for it and the moment someone calls you "extra," he's kicking their ass.

ACE

Maybe all the glam is a little silly to him but that just makes you extra cute!

He will also absolutely let you paint his nails. Hell, he'll let you do a full beat on him just for fun and he'll wear it for the whole day because he's so unserious lol

...As long as he gets to do your makeup after...Much like Luffy you're gonna be covered in neon colors that don't even remotely match, but you guys have a great time lol

Admittedly likes to be pampered by you when he gets back from a long mission.

Please take a bubble bath with this man, it's not like the water is ever going to get cold!

I'm pretty sure you'd legitimately lead to Ace taking better care of himself. Got this man out here talking about his cuticles and shit lol

Honestly, it's really good for him because self care leads to self love and Ace needs a lot of help with that.

He tells Pops about all the stuff you do 1.) because he loves you and 2.) he hopes some of it will help Whitebeard heal a little, god bless him 😢

All of your hardwork doesn't go unnoticed, he legitimately gets kind of misty eyed when you really dress up because he's so so so lucky. He swears he doesn't deserve you.

He always brings back some kind of gift even whether it's a cute plushie or something exotic to wear from all of his long travels

I need to stress how much this means to him, everyone of these things is like a little proposal because he already knows you're it. Every little gift is leading up to a ring from this man.

He's also just genuinely impressed by the skill it takes to do your makeup so well, especially after he tries doing it on you

Much like his little brother unfortunately, he does play with all the little contraptions in your vanity, especially in the beginning because have you seen an eyelash curler? He's so confused lol

SABO

Sabo and Ace truly are his brothers because he really don't get all the effort lol

Admittedly, a lot of that is because he thinks you're so hot already what's the point???

Once he gets this is just how you are he's less confused, he's probably the most normal out everyone. He lets you do your thing, although he's really curious how you managed to always look amazing while being in the fucking revolutionary army!!?? Where are you getting the time???

If someone were to intrude on y'all on a free afternoon you're both in fluffy robes with face masks on and Sabo loves to pretend to act like a bitch when he's in selfcare mode with you lol

"Are you seriously bothering us right now, ugh! I can't even right now!!" And then you both break out in laughter

He really thinks you should teach others how to contour and do makeup because it has great applications for disguises and infiltration.

And brags about your skills to everyone

Wonders how many of your makeup supplies could actively be used as a weapon *eye roll* jfc Sabo

There's a part of you that secretly worries all your boujieness will remind him of his blood relatives, but he assures you that it doesn't because you have a good heart and he never doubts that

Besides, being a little extra with him helps him associate those things he used to associate with his blood relatives with you instead so it's even better

He spoils you so bad, but with a Sabo-flair, ie. stealing from shitty people and bringing it back to you because you're oh so more deserving of nice things let's be honest

He gets jealous of the cute animals that you squeal over hehehe, please hug him when he starts pouting

He'll always wear a little pink just for you ❤️

[fallingdownhell]

Genshin men w/ vampire!reader? Like, reader fought in the Archon war as a cold-hearted general, but as time passes on they mellowed out and is now a (bat full of sass n rizz) humble traveler. Perhaps even looking for someone to call a mate~

Yes! I love me some vampires! Characters Included: Diluc; Neuvillette; Heizou Content: gender neutral reader; vampire reader; mentions of blood; general headcanons; some own made up headcanons about vampires that I like Word count: 2k words Enjoy<3

Diluc

okay, I don't know if I'm the only one on this, but I think Diluc fits so well for the whole vampire astethic

he's got his own mansion, multiple staff, he's got fame and wealth, and he's good looking on top!

he just fills all the checkmarks you could wish for, so there's no reason not to pursue him

from the moment you first ran into Diluc, you were mesmerized by this human, the smell of his delicious blood tempting you

you were originally planning to travel through Mondstadt, maybe stay for a week or so. That quickly changed and within the week, you found a place to stay for a while longer

You started going to Angel's Share on a regular basis. Not to drink, but to flirt up that good looking redhead bartender

Diluc was not at all used to someone flirting so shamelessly with him, he felt embarrassed, but also enticed by your advances. He's never met such an eccentric traveller like you

one particular night, you were shamelessly flirting with him again, he finally decided to do something about it, asking you on a date

happily, you accepted and since then, the relationship with him has been moving forward

being with Diluc was everything you imagined it to be, and so much more. He's a romantic lover, one that constantly looks out for your wants and needs. He always prioritizes your comfort first, always so gentle and, especially at the start of you two dating, very coy

as the relationship progresses, Diluc also grows into it, getting more and more comfortable around you and expressing his feelings to you truthfully

One day, when he told you about his past and the things that had happened to him, you decided that it was time for you to be truthful to him, as well, so you told him about the secret you had kept up until that point

he was shocked at first, he certainly didn't believe you. Surely, he would have noticed if his lover was a bloodthirsty monster that could only survive off of human blood

but when he saw how serious you were about it, not the faintest hint of a smirk or anything else indicating that this was a joke, he grew a bit wary of you

definitely needs time to process the information and will have another talk with you were he asks you questions about your existance. Like, how old you really are, what you experienced throughout your years, how you survived off of blood without him ever noticing, etc.

you're being completely honest with him, answering all of his questions and in the end, he nods and accepts you with open arms again. He loves you too much to care about a not so minor detail like that

but his curiosity is peaked and after some time, he would approach you with the offer for you to drink from his blood, because he wants to know what it feels like

for a second, you're taken aback, staring at him, and Diluc gets nervous, wondering if he crossed some sort of line with his question

you then have to explain to him that you would love to drink from him, but for a vampire, drinking the blood of someone you love means to claim them as yours. You would basically mark him as your mate with your bite.

first, he's shocked by this new information, but the more he thinks about it, the more he likes it. So he tells you to go ahead, even tilting his head a bit so you have better access to his neck

if it's possible to fall even more in love with him, then you just did, seeing how he presents himself to you like that is truly adorable to you

it's a passionate night you two spend, and the next morning, Diluc wakes up, covered in your bite marks all over his body. Some just for the sake of marking him, and some where you had fed from him

looking at himself in the mirror, he traces the bite mark on his neck tenderly, smiling as he's reminded of your gentle touch

and when he thinks about the claim you now have over him, being marked as your "mate", as you called it, he couldn't be any happier. Diluc is looking forward for the rest of his life at your side..

Neuvillette

being an immortal being himself, I like to think that he has a vast knowledge about other immortal or long living beings and can easily tell them apart from humans

so when he first notices you in a crowd, he knows that you're not just your average human, but he didn't close enough to actually confirm his suspicion before you were gone again

he doesn't mind different species visiting or passing through Fontaine, but he has to make sure that they aren't a threat for his citizens

he's actually quite a bit surprised when one day, you approach him and begin to compliment him on his appearance

he answers in kindas he tries to figure you out, which you soon notice. The chief justice isn't exactly as sly as he may like to think of himself

reaching for the opportunity, you tell him that you'll gladly answer all his questions about yourself if he's willing to go out to dinner with you. To your surprise, he agrees

Dinner goes well and you're surprised to find out that you're actually older than Neuvillette is, but neither of you bothers that fact very much

he figures you out as a vampire rather quickly as well and from that point on, you share a pleasant time with him, conversing with Neuvillette feels so easy and natural to you

the two of you continue to meet up from then on, but the relationship itself starts out years later. Even though you keep flirting with him and dropping hints that you're interested in him left and right, he either doesn't pick up on them or he just doesn't have the courage to act on it

only years later, once you've finally had enough of this game, did you confront the Chief Justice about your feelings for him

You've gotten the Iudex flustered quite a few times with your flirting or some pickup lines, but when you confessed your honest feelings to him, that was the first time you genuinely saw him blush

you decided then and there, that you'd do anything you can to see him like this again

from the beginning, there are no secrets whatsoever between you two. He knows about you, and you know about him. He supports you with whatever he can, like finding discreet sources to cover your need for blood, for example

since he's got quite a bit of knowledge about vampires, he's also familiar that vampires, not all, but most of them, like to take long term partners as their mates, since this species tends to be very territorial towards those people

he can't deny that he's thinking about it from time to time. You claiming him as yours, and him claiming you in return. Forever bound, spending your lifetime together for however long it may last

but yet again, for a long time, he doesn't bring it up to you, fearing that he might scare you off, that you don't want to be bound to him like that, knowing how much you enjoy your freedom and to travel around Teyvat

and over all this worrying of his, he completely ignores the fact that you basically live now in Fontaine, your travels having come to a stop a long time ago to be with him, since you know that he can't and won't just leave his nation behind. And you're perfectly content with your decision

but, if you really want anything like that to happen, you'll have to be the one to bring it up to him again

and as soon as you do, he's all smiles, all his worries fading away, he's the happiest he's been in a long while. Knowing that you want to spend the rest of eternity with him, bound to him like he'll be to you.. it's more than he could have ever hoped for in life

when you drink his blood for the first time, he can't help but to ask you what it tastes like and wether you enjoyed it

will insist that you keep drinking his blood from now on. He will get jealous if you drink any other blood, at all. It's actually quite cute to see him pout like that, but please reassure him that you still love him very much, you just can't always drain him of all his blood the entire time

Heizou

from his first interaction with you, he knows that something is up with you

he can't quite explain why or what it is that sets him off, but his intuition is telling him that something is wrong. And he's learned that his intuition is always right

so he does some digging, and soon finds stuff that just doesn't add up to him

before you can leave Inazuma to continue your travels across Teyvat, he confronts you about his findings, pestering you until you give up and confess your secret to him

he's surprised, since he didn't think it'd be something so out of the ordinary. And yet, his instincts tell him, that you're speaking the truth. So he decides to believe you

keeps following you around and asking questions whenever he can. His interest about you has peaked, and he wants to figure you out and learn everything there is to know

it's from that point on that attraction begins to settle in between the two of you and soon enough, Heizou invites you out on a date

you accept and the date goes surprisingly well. More dates follow and soon enough, the two of you are actually dating

each passing day spent with you, Heizou learns more and more about you and how you operate as a vampire

will one day ask you to drink his blood, which you refuse, claiming that you already got enough souces to get your blood from. He'll ask you why you refuse to drink his, but you avoid his question and continue to do so, no matter how much he keeps prying

eventually, he'll shut up about it, but still keeps the question in the back of his mind

will ask you stuff like, if you ever plan to turn him into a vampire as well. To that, he's also not granted an answer

at one point, Heizou will have enough and just straight up ask you why you refuse to drink his blood

with a bit of prying, you end up telling him about the process of mating for vampires, how it's done and what it entails. Hearing you explain, he can't help the blush that rises to his cheeks. He can't believe he asked something like of you so casually!

He's mortified, but you laugh it off, reassuring him that you didn't mind it at all

but after hearing your explanaition, he can't stop thinking about it. He actually likes the thought of belonging to you..

so, after a passionate night shared between two lovers, as you lay there cuddled up to him, he asks you again to drink his blood, but seriously this time

looking up at him, you see the determination in his eyes. This time, he knows what he's getting himself into, and he still asked you to do it. How could you possibly still deny him?

So you nod, leaning in and gently kissing the juncture of his neck for a bit, before you bite into the soft flesh. It hurts quite a bit as your teeth pierce his skin, and he can feel the blood rushing out of his body, and your tongue lapping it all up

euphoria runs through his veins at the feeling, he finally belongs to you, completely. His mind, body and soul, all yours

will insist that you only drink his blood from here on out

will definitely ask you, later down the road, to turn him inot a vampire as well. One lifetime with you just isn't enough for him. He loves you, deeply, and if there's a possibility for him to spend even more time together with you, he would be a fool to pass it up...

[luveline]

So your drunk reader and Spencer fic? Maybe one with Hotch but reader has had something important going on and had called Hotch previously over it, but this was just a super sappy drunk call during an important case but Hotch can never not answer if he technically can talk for just a moment?

thank u for ur request! fem!reader

"I just can't understand how he can be two places at once," Derek says, infuriated. 

Hotch has a thousand possibilities racing through his head. "He can't be," he says, "so we have to work out what else is happening."

"It's him," Emily says. "Same clothes, same face. And it can't be an evil twin–" 

JJ groans, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand and leaning forward into the conference table they're all sitting at. "I actually like the evil twin theory for this one." 

Hotch's phone vibrates in his pocket. He needs to focus —he can't focus. You've been so heartbreakingly lonely while all of this has been happening, and he loves you, but they have three missing girls to find. 

Time is ticking downward. He's never going to make any headway if he knows you need him on the other side of the phone.

"Just answer it," Rossi says quietly. "Reid's gonna crack it any second now. You have a duty to more than work, my friend." 

Hotch catches it before it goes off. Standing, he buttons his suit jacket again and makes for the door. When it closes, he talks in a measured tone. "Honey," he says, "are you alright?" 

"I'm okay," you say, immediate and bubbly. 

You sound okay, he thinks. "Did you hear anything else from the doctor?" 

"Aaron," you say, a number of emotions in your tone, but mostly love, "they don't call on Sundays, and they never call after six anyways." 

"It's later for you," he remembers.

"I'm so sick of doctors and worrying and worrying about doctors, now I'm worrying about you, did you have to go? 'Cus I know you had to go, but I wish you could've just stayed home. I have this weird bruise I want you to look at–" 

"Hold on. Nothing's wrong?" 

"You're not here. That is so, so wrong." You hiccup. "Woah." 

Hotch blinks to himself, a smile on his lips for the first time in days. "Sweetheart, have you been drinking?" 

"Just what was left of the wine." 

"You mean the one we got last week? That we haven't opened?" 

"Yes." You sound serious. He can imagine your tipsy face, solemnly nodding with eyes wide open.

"Where are you? Still at my apartment?" 

"Is that okay?" 

Hotch closes his eyes. "That's perfect. I don't have to worry about you as long as I know where you are. You haven't taken any painkillers, of course." 

"I'm not silly." 

"That's up for debate. I… I'm glad you're in a good mood, it's good to relax, but no more wine, okay? You'll make yourself sick, and I won't be there to take care of you in the morning." 

"Don't remind me!" Another hiccup. "I think I should've been a special agent, mister Hotchner, so I could come with you all these places and not have to miss you. I love you. I love your face and your hands and the way you always squeeze my hip in the morning when you wake me up." Your forlorn sigh is clear despite the distance. "Do you love me?" 

"Very much, Y/N." 

"I love you. I really didn't mean to drink so much but it actually tasted nicer the more I did." 

"That's how it goes."

"I try to not be disgusting when we have wine together but you weren't here, 'n' I thought I could get sloshed without feeling bad." 

"Why would you feel bad?" he asks, bemused. 

"'Cus you'd have to take care of me, and you take care of everyone. All the time." 

"I like taking care of people. I love taking care of you. You realise that I'd love to take care of you 'sloshed'?" he asks. He can be very honest here, knowing you probably won't remember the entirety of your conversation, but you'll recall how you felt. Well, if you don't get nauseous. "I love looking after you no matter what's wrong. I'm only sorry I can't do it as much as you deserve." 

"You're sorry? That's dumb." 

"Maybe it is." 

"Definitely it is, Aaron. You're way too handsome to bother being sorry." 

Maybe twenty years ago. "In that case, you can stop saying sorry to me altogether." Hotch pauses as a knock rattles the glass behind him. Derek stands on the other side, pointing at Spencer, whose lips are moving a hundred miles an hour. Their smartest member saves the day again. "Honey, I have to go. I'm sorry. I wish I could be with you, you know that? But I really have to go." 

"This is impressive for us, actually, we had like four whole minutes. Bye, handsome, have a good time at camp." 

He snorts. "Bye." 

Hotch takes a split second to collect himself. Your hurting, your drunkenness, your open love for him and the obvious if slurred affection you speak with, he puts everything away and gets ready to do his job. If he does it well enough, he could be home in time to rub your forehead through the hangover. 

[latin5mamii]

Angel - Jude Bellingham

|WARNINGS: nsfw (not too much you'll have to wait😉) Previous part |SUMMARY:How could you know that a stupid nickname could change everything? |AUTHOR'S NOTE: Long chapter (I know you love me😌) enjoy!

��Girl he’s literally the love of your life, what’s wrong?”

YES, maybe you were overthinking on Jobe's warning. You know that he, being your best friend forever, has always been protective of you. If there had been something wrong he would have told you right away, right?

The first thing you did after Jude left was call your best friend, who was sure to attack you in any way possible. So now you find yourself talking about it with her, and she thinks you're stupid, obviously, but maybe you too start to think that you're a little paranoid.

“You're right, maybe? I don't know what to think either and I'm not even sure I realized what happened."

That kiss, God, couldn't get out of your head. You'd probably been waiting for this moment since middle school, yet you managed to ruin it from your thoughts. You try to practice one of the therapies to banish bad thoughts but it obviously doesn't work.

“Y/N, let me be honest with you: just trust Jude, you know your bond is very strong and I think he wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't want to”

But that's not what you meant, unfortunately. It's obvious that if he hadn't wanted to kiss you he wouldn't have even stayed at your house to sleep, because let's face it, you both knew what would happen. What if he didn't have to leave? You know very well what would happen after that kiss. You didn't even want to confront Jude because you didn't want him to think that you don't trust him. He said he would write to you as soon as possible. Maybe you have nothing left but to trust him. Ok that you study psychology , but not everyone is definitely crazy or plotting behind your back. And anyway you had other things to think about: You probably didn't forget that he invited you to one of his games, right?

"He also invited me to one of his matches, the one in two weeks, I think"

You can hear your friend gasp in amazement, you can hear an envious but playful tone in her voice.

"Are you fucking serious? Lucky you!"

The day continued in a calm, but boring way. You were waiting for a message from him, that's the truth.

 You even thought about sending him a message, but would you seriously have done it? So you tried to distract yourself: reading, studying , trying to do anything not to think about him, about that kiss and the way he could make you feel butterflies in your stomach at any moment. 

(Seriously, could you stop thinking about him for just one minute? It’s like he’s the only thing on your mind. Oh wait, he probably is.)

The moment you finally stopped thinking about it (Or at least you think) your phone buzzed, and you, as if you've been waiting for years, take it right away, and when you read Jude's name on the screen, you can't help but smile and your heart skips a beat.

Jude: Hey Angel, hope your day was as good as mine. I can't stop thinking about you. Lunch was a drag without you.

You couldn't help but smile as you typed back.

You: Hey, lunch was boring here too. I missed you.

(You missed him? It’s only been a few hours. But hey, who am I to judge?)

A few moments later, your phone buzzed again.

Jude: Let’s make up for it then. Are you free tonight?

Your heart raced at the thought of seeing him again so soon.

You: Definitely. What do you have in mind?

Jude: How about we take a trip to the lake? We can have a picnic and watch the sunset.

You:You always know how to make me smile, what time?

Okay, maybe this message was a bit stupid, but as soon as he replies, you can see that this message was appreciated.

Jude:Built for this, ain’t I? I’ll come pick you up at 6?

You: I can’t wait

Jude:See you soon then, Angel.

You spent the next few hours getting ready, packing a small bag with everything you might need for the lake. The excitement built with each passing minute, your heart racing at the thought of spending the evening with Jude.

As the clock neared 6, you were ready and waiting. Jude arrived right on time, his eyes lighting up as he saw you.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, pulling you into a warm embrace. 

"Beautiful?" You say with a slightly embarrassed tone as you rest your head on his chest.

"I can't deny it" An embarrassed smile appears on your face.

The car ride was pretty quiet, but also stressful because of all those awkward silences that happened because of what happened earlier at your house.

When you got to the lake, you settled on a towel and he started staring at you again, not that you didn't like it.

Jude’s eyes lit up with mischief. “Ready for a swim?” he asked, his voice dripping with playfulness.

“Absolutely,” you replied, slipping off your shoes and heading towards the water. Jude followed close behind, his gaze never leaving you.

Once in the lake, you splashed him playfully, laughing as he blinked in surprise. “Oh, it’s on now,” he said, closing the distance between you with a few swift strokes.

Before you could react, he scooped you up, water dripping from both of you. “Put me down!” you protested, giggling.

“Not a chance,” he replied, his voice low and teasing. He twirled you around before gently setting you back in the water, his hands lingering on your waist.

“Alright, alright, you win,” you said, breathless from laughter.

He grinned, his eyes locking onto yours. “I always do.”

His fingers lightly tracing patterns on your skin under the water, sending shivers up your spine.

“Jude…” you began, but his name on your lips seemed to ignite something in him. His gaze darkened with desire as he moved even closer, his breath hot against your neck.

“You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear.

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours. The kiss was searing, his hands gripping your waist tightly as if he never wanted to let go. You responded eagerly, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him closer.

The water lapped around you as the kiss deepened, growing more passionate by the second. Jude’s hands roamed over your back, pulling you against him as if he couldn’t get enough. You felt his heart pounding against your chest, matching the frantic beat of your own.

You broke the kiss for a brief moment, gasping for air. But the second you met his eyes, filled with an intensity that took your breath away, you were drawn back together. His hands moved to your hips, lifting you slightly as you wrapped your legs around his waist, anchoring yourself to him.

"We gotta pick up where we left off this morning, yeah?" he groaned against your lips, his voice rough with need.

You nodded quickly and in an instant his lips were on your neck, leaving significant marks. You let a soft moan from your lips and you know that this is driving him even more crazy. His lips are now on your lips again, in a kiss with hunger. You have been waiting for this moment for a long time, and it has finally arrived.

The feel of his skin against yours, the taste of his lips, the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the universe,it was intoxicating.

Jude’s hands moved up and down your body, exploring every curve, every inch of you, as if he couldn’t get enough. You matched his intensity, your own hands tangling in his hair, pulling him even closer.

After what felt like both an eternity and no time at all, you finally pulled back, both of you breathless and flushed. Jude rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath.

You both stayed there for a moment, just holding each other, the water gently rocking you. When you finally made your way back to the towel, he started talking to you.

"My mom... she’s been asking about you. She wants you to come to dinner tomorrow night. She misses you,a lot."

Your heart warmed at the thought. Jude's family had always been like a second family to you, and the invitation really warmed your heart, "I'd love to come," you replied, smiling.

“She’ll be happy to hear that”

He said, caressing your cheek. “Anyway, there's one more thing I wanted to ask you.” A sense of anxiety made you laugh nervously. He looked slightly more serious.

"I have to go back to Madrid the day after tomorrow," After a short pause, he continues, "And I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to come with me."

Now you are sure of the fact that most likely, at this request, your eyes widened and perhaps, your heart might have missed more than a beat. Did it mean that you would sleep together every night? Did it mean that perhaps you were his girlfriend? A question now kept bombarding your head: What are you two?

A couple? Best friends who have gone too far? You don't know how long you've been staring at him without giving him a response, but just the thought of actually staring at him shocked embarrasses you so much that it makes you want to disappear.

"I mean, I want to" You are still slightly shocked by the proposal and can't form a sensible sentence.

Jude starts chuckling at your form of communication.

"You want to? Okay, that's a good start"

"But I'll let you know tomorrow for sure, okay?"

"It's more than okay, angel"

After spending a little more time at the lake, enjoying the sunset and each other’s company, you and Jude eventually packed up and headed back to his car. The drive back was filled with comfortable silence and soft music, your hand resting in his, little stolen glances that made you giggle, is this what it feels like when you're in love?When you reached your house, Jude walked you to your door, his arm draped around your shoulders. As you turned to face him, he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes twinkling under the porch light.

“Goodnight, Jude,” you replied softly, your heart full as you watched him walk back to his car.

A smile played on your lips and you couldn’t be more excited for what was about to come. You giggled all the way to your apartment and as soon as you got in you flopped onto the bed, stomping your feet excitedly. How can I blame you? You've been waiting for this your whole life.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

ricochet l Javier Peña

Summary:  you shouldn't sleep with a coworker who also irritates you so much

Warnings:  +18, smut, angst, swearing, fingering, sex without protection (don’t do that!), guns, shooting, violence

A/N: this is my first story for javier. please be gentle with me. your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

A loud knock echoed through your apartment and it was it that woke you up. You reached for the clock lying on the nightstand and groaned quietly. It was almost two in the morning, not the best time for visits. However, the knocking didn’t stop and eventually you had to drag yourself out of bed.

On your way to the door you turned on the lamp in the living room and soon turned the key.

"What the fuck, Javi?" you hissed seeing a familiar face on the other side "Do you know what time it is?"

"Perfect for a visit to such a beautiful woman." he replied, leaning nonchalantly against your door, his dark eyes running down your body dressed only in shorts and a top "I was wondering what you wear to sleep, hermosa. So, naked only next to me?"

"You're drunk." you stated, crossing your arms over your chest "Jesus, did you really have to come here?"

"There's no better place. Can I come in?"

Javier didn't wait for an answer, he just passed you in the doorway and finally sat down on your couch. You watched as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and soon you smelled the pungent smell of smoke.

"Why did you come?" you asked, approaching him with resignation. "Can't you get to your apartment by yourself?"

He took a drag on his cigarette and a wisp of smoke escaped from between his lips. He had time. Drunk Javier Peña always had time, and he liked to spend it the most on teasing you. Testing your limits was his passion, even when sober.

You made one serious mistake. A mistake that shouldn't be made with a coworker. 

Some time ago, you slept with Javier when you were both celebrating someone's birthday. You were drunk, and so was he. 

He seemed so charming and seductive then. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear, telling you what you could do together if you just left that hole in the wall. His large hand rested on your thigh, slowly moving higher and higher.

So you went to your apartment and you did it. Not once. Three times, to be honest. 

After that, you thought everything would go back to normal. You'd be back at your desk in the office, working together to take down the Medellín Cartel and everything would be like it used to be.

You couldn't have been more wrong.

Your verbal fights were becoming more and more frequent and sometimes it was only Murphy who was able to send you back to your corners. Recently, Peña outdid himself when he wanted to forbid you from going with the team to arrest a larger group of people.

And at that very moment, he was sitting drunk in your living room, completely unconcerned about anything.

"I missed you, dulce." (sweet) he groaned looking at you with tenderness "I've been wondering all evening why you're so mean to me..."

"Mean?!" you repeated after him snorting.

"...and haughty. I thought that after such a good fuck you should be much nicer to me."

Your jaw dropped to the floor. You didn't feel like sleeping anymore, but your blood pressure was quickly rising.

"Javier, what the fuck are you talking about!" you finally choked out “I should be nicer? You treat me like some secretary, but we should work together as a team. Besides... Fuck! I'm not going to talk to you about this now! Go back to your place. You're drunk."

Javier stubbed out his cigarette in the glass ashtray lying on the coffee table and stood up slowly approaching you. His dark eyes bored through you and you felt uncomfortable at that moment.

"I know you don't mean it, hermosa." he said in a quiet but firm voice "I know you'd like to feel my cock inside you again. And do you wanna know how I know that?" he leaned in so he could whisper in your ear "I can still taste your pussy on my tongue. The sweetest I've ever had. Addictive."

A shiver ran down your spine straight to your core, but you didn't let it show. You couldn't let him win. 

Yes! Of course you were thinking back to that night, but Javier was so sure of himself that you would never admit it.

"Get out." you replied seeing a sly smile appearing under his mustache.

"Are you scared because I told the truth?"

"I'm not scared, Peña. I'm not one of your hookers that you can come to whenever your pants get too tight. Get out."

Still smiling he passed you, gently nudging your shoulder and soon you heard the door slam shut.

Fucking Javier Peña.

The next day at the office, you both pretended that nothing had happened. You focused on your work, not even looking up when Peña and Murphy showed up. 

The day passed with paperwork and drinking a dozen cups of coffee. The thought of going to a night meeting with one of the informants was not something you were excited to do, especially since you didn't get a good night's sleep last night, but you didn't want to give it up.

When the office slowly started to empty, you took your walkman out of the drawer, slid in the cassette that you got from the colleague at the desk next to you and soon closed your eyes, hoping for a moment of rest before leaving. 

Music quietly resounded in your ears. You sat comfortably in the chair, resting your legs on the desk and tried to restart your brain.

This work was exhausting, but with each subsequent arrest you felt more and more proud of what you were doing. You were far from achieving your goals, but maybe soon...

Your heavy desk shook strangely, and after a second someone slid your headphones off your ears.

"Don't sleep during shift!"

Javier sat down on some of your papers, completely unconcerned that he had knocked a few files to the ground.

"What's this?" he asked, turning the box from your cassette over in his fingers.

"I got this. From Bradley. Could you?" you held out your hand for him to give you what was yours, but Javier had no intention of doing so yet.

"Did he make you a compilation of some romantic shit?" he snorted. "I don't want to worry you, sweetie, but Mr. Bradley definitely wants to get into your panties."

"Why do you think I'm worried about that?"

"Because you deserve more." he put the box on your outstretched hand.

"Oh! You mean someone like you?" you raised your eyebrows, trying not to laugh. "Maybe I prefer nice guys, Peña."

"I'm nice guy, hermosa." He unceremoniously reached for your cup of cold coffee and took a few sips. "You're the only one who doesn't want to admit that you have a wet patch in your panties just by the sight of me."

"I won't be the one to boost your already too high ego, babe." You replied, sliding your legs off the desk. "You're doing it yourself perfectly well. Did you come to tease me or do you have some business?"

His smile disappeared and Javier frowned. Yes, he had a business.

"I heard you were going to meet the informant right away. I thought I could replace you."

"Why?" You frowned, surprised by his proposal.

Javier looked away from you as if he was looking for the right words.

"It's just a bad neighborhood, you know. I don't want you to go there alone." He finally replied.

"I'll be with Bradley, so what could happen?"

"Bradley? Jesus, really?" he automatically reached for a cigarette, but didn't light it, just rolled it in his long fingers "In that case, I'll go with you instead of him."

"No." you shook your head "You can't keep interfering in my work. He's my informant, and a stranger will only scare him."

"Bullshit!"

"I won't discuss this with you." you stated, standing up and picking up your bag "If you have a problem with me, go to the boss. But don't tell me what I can and can't do."

You noticed Bradley calling you to the door and you headed towards him, still feeling Javier's gaze on you.

"Y/N!" his voice sounded like a gunshot in the now empty office, you looked in his direction "Be careful."

"Have you seen Y/L/M today?"

Murphy looked at his friend in surprise. He looked around the office, but he didn't see a familiar face anywhere.

"Wasn't she supposed to meet with an informant yesterday?" he asked, returning his gaze to the documents he held in his hand. "She probably overslept."

"Y/N never did it." Javier mumbled, quickly glancing towards the opening door as if he was counting on seeing you there.

"Maybe she's already gone home. We spent a few hours out of town. Maybe you should just call her or go over to her place. By the way, why are you so interested?"

"Fuck off."

Murphy smiled as he saw Javier reach for the phone and dial a number. However, after a few rings, he hung up, disappointed.

"Nothing?"

Peña shook his head.

"Hey! Have you seen Bradley?" he called out to the employee who was sitting near your desk.

"Not today." he replied "I think he took the day off."

"And agent Y/L/N?"

"Same here."

"Office romance?" Steve smiled looking at Javier, but he didn't seem calmer. "We were going to leave anyway so why don't you just go to her, huh?"

"Yeah, I'll do that." he nodded.

But even though he showed up at your door and knocked for a long time, no one opened it. Javier felt a strange knot in his stomach, something like a bad feeling, although he preferred not to think about it.

He already felt like an idiot. He didn't know why he came and why he cared so much. Javier had known you for almost two years and it was quite an interesting acquaintance.

He would never admit it openly, but he loved teasing you, and at the same time he respected your professionalism very much. You never ran away from hard work, even if it meant working late at night.

He liked watching you work in the field or at your desk. He knew how you drink your coffee and that you take your shoes off under your desk when you do paperwork.

Peña was a man of flesh and blood, he could appreciate the beauty of women and had a weakness for them. And somehow you didn't have a weakness for him. Maybe that was what attracted him to you?

"And? Have you seen her?"

Javier shook his head, taking the cigarette out of his mouth "I was there, but the apartment seems empty."

"Have you asked the neighbors?" Murphy sat down at his desk "These old grannies often know a lot more."

"They haven't seen her in two days." unexpectedly Peña frowned and craned his neck, spotting someone in the distance "Is that fucking Bradley?"

Murphy spun around in his chair "Yeah, that's him. But somehow... Peña!"

But the man was already heading towards Bradley. The man had not yet managed to get to his desk when it stopped in front of him.

"Hi. Did you see..." but suddenly he saw something that worried him even more "What happened to your face?"

"Someone beat you up?" Steve asked approaching them "What the fuck?"

"Where's Y/N?" Javier immediately interjected.

Bradley looked at both men a little confused. There was a yellow bruise under his eye, and a cut was visible on his lower lip, he also looked a little sore.

"It happened after that meeting with the informant." he mumbled, pointing to his face "Y/N and I ran into some bad company."

"What about her?" Javier was already clearly worried.

"I don't know..."

"What?!" Peña raised his voice so much that Steve had to put a hand on his shoulder trying to calm him down "You were there with her! What the fuck happened?"

"I told you! We left the meeting. We were about to go to the car when a few guys stopped us. They were hitting on Y/N. We got into a discussion and when it turned out that I am a cop..."

Peña felt like something heavy had fallen into his stomach. A thousand visions of what could have happened were flashing through his mind.

However, Bradley continued "We had a bit of a fight. After everything was over I took Y/N to the hospital, but she didn't want me to stay with her so I went to my place."

"You left her there alone, you idiot?!" Javier growled.

"She's not a child! She told me to fuck off, what was I supposed to do?!" Bradley was already furious too "Go to her if you fucking care about her so much!"

"I'll do it!"

A knock on the door echoed throughout the hallway again. An older woman poked her head out of one of the apartments and for a moment watched the black-haired man knocking on the door of the young woman she sometimes saw.

"Y/N! I know you're there!" Javier finally announced towards the closed door "If you don't open it, I'll come here with a whole strike force! You don't want a fucking mess here, do you? Open this fucking door!"

He put his ear to the door and was sure he heard movement behind it. You had to be there.

"Y/N... please." he added a little calmer "It's me."

After a dozen or so long seconds, he heard the key turn in the lock and the door opened, letting some light into the dark hallway. Javier wasn't ready for what he saw.

He felt like his heart had broken into a million pieces at the sight of your face. Your eyes were red, probably from crying. There was also a bruised cheek and an ugly cut lower lip, and with each passing moment he noticed more and more.

"Hi." your quiet voice was barely audible where he stood "I took a few days off. Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone..." Apart from you.

"I noticed." he mumbled "Can I come in?"

You opened the door wider and Javier slipped inside, closing it carefully behind him. The room was dimly lit, a few lamps and a few candles were lit. He noticed the curtains being drawn, as if you wanted to hide from the whole world.

"Would you like to..." you didn't finish, because his hand grabbed your chin lightly.

Peña directed your face towards the nearest light source. You saw the glow reflected in his eyes, which were carefully studying you. He let out a quiet breath when he noticed the bruises on your neck, as if a man's hand had left a mark. A few scratches on your arms.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Javier, please..." you whimpered, feeling tears welling up in your eyes, it was too painful for you, too intimate.

"Tell me. Please, hermosa.” He wasn't ordering, he was begging you. He was asking you to trust him.

You clumsily grabbed the edge of your shirt and lifted it, showing him the bruises on your side. His breath caught in his lungs.

"They're not broken." You said as warm fingers brushed your skin. "I had an X-ray. It just looks that awful. And it hurts a little."

"Did they... Did they do anything more?"

You knew perfectly well what Peña meant. You lowered your shirt.

"No." You shook your head and he wiped his mouth with his hand. "They talked about it, but... No, nothing more."

"Thank God."

You didn't know what to say. Tears filled your eyes and after a moment you felt his strong arms hug you to his chest. You snuggled into him, sobbing quietly. You felt his hands as he stroked your hair and back, trying not to cause any more pain.

"It's okay, hermosa.” he said quietly, kissing your forehead. "You're safe. You should have called me. You know I would have come right away."

"I didn't want to bother you, besides, it's just bruises..."

"But I want you to bother me. If something happened to you... Fuck! Would you be able to recognize them?"

"I don't know, I don't think so..." you moved away from him and sat down carefully on the couch. "I don't want to go back to this, Javier. I'll be back at work in a few days... We've gathered new information..."

"Fuck this whole cartel! Fuck Escobar!" he growled. "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?!"

"I see myself all the time. And I assure you, today I look really good."

He shook his head in disbelief. You looked so much like him. Peña seemed to be starting to understand why he was pissing you off so much.

"I know what you're thinking and I don't want you to do this." You finally spoke up, his watchful gaze settling on your face. "You're not going to be running around the streets looking for those guys now. That's not your job, Javier. There are more important things."

"You're important!" he hissed, pointing a finger at you. "I should go to Bradley and kick his ass. And then find those fucking guys and do to them what they did to you."

"But you're not going anywhere and you're not going to do anything." You saw him thrashing around like a beast in a cage. Javier Peña was demanding blood and revenge. "Listen, I knew what I was getting into when I came here. It could have been worse. I could have been raped by a few and ended up in some ditch on the outskirts of town."

"Sweet Jesus Christ!" Peña groaned "This is no time for such jokes!"

"I'm not joking." Now you were standing too, ready to face him "The bruises will heal, and we're here for something more. You can yell at me, you know I can take it. But you have to focus on our work!"

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He quickly lit the first one and inhaled the smoke. He knew you were right. He would tell you the same thing if he was standing in your place.

Finally, he nodded, admitting you were right, and a faint smile of relief appeared on your face.

"But from now on, you'll be riding with me to and from work. I don't accept any objections!"

Getting back to work turned out to be easier than you thought. The information you had gathered helped you track down the nearest smuggling operation and the entire unit was preparing for new arrests. You had been putting in long hours at work, so Javier's offer to drive you home really suited you.

Although at first glance your contacts hadn't changed, you had noticed that he had become much calmer when he had his eye on you. You had caught him looking around the office more than once, searching for you. You had smiled and shaken your head reproachfully when he had winked at you.

However, all of that had gone to hell an hour before you had to leave to stop the transfer. Murphy had found you arguing fiercely by the car and it had taken him a while to figure out what you were on about.

"Peña's gone crazy!" you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest, "He doesn't want me to go with you! I'm the one who got that fucking information!"

"They're going to shoot there, loca!" (crazy) he growled with his hands on his hips.

"Oh! I thought we were going on a fucking picnic!"

"Maybe Y/N should wear a vest, she'll be close to us." Murphy butted in, not afraid of his friend's angry glare.

"That's an idea!" you replied pleased with Steve’s words "I'll take the fucking vest! Will you be happy then, Peña?"

"Not really." he grumbled "You have to stay close to me."

"But not too close." you added getting into his car.

"Close!" he growled, slamming the door.

He didn't like the idea, and he didn't like Murphy standing by your side even more. The whole way out of town he clenched his fingers tightly on the steering wheel. He would feel much calmer if you stayed in the office, but you didn't listen to him again. You were already leaving the forest when he reached into the backseat and threw a green bulletproof vest on your lap.

You rolled your eyes, but Peña ignored it. 

"Put it on."

So you followed his order and then stayed close. However, neither of you were ready for what was happening. The group of smugglers turned out to be larger and soon the shooting began.

You dodged the bullets by hiding behind the wall of the building. A dozen or so members of the strike team passed you. You went after them, seeing Peña's back in the distance. You spotted the first arrestees, and Murphy was throwing some trucks out from behind the wheel.

"Y/L/N!"

You noticed Peña calling you and went towards him when you heard a gunshot. Something hit you in the chest and you staggered, but after a moment you saw Javier aiming at some guy behind a nearby building. More shots were fired

"Hey!" Steve ran up to you "Is something... Fuck!"

"Vest." You mumbled in surprise, feeling a hole under your fingers "The bullet must have bounced off something..."

Suddenly, Javier appeared next to you. Dark sweaty locks stuck to his forehead, a mixture of rage and fear was painted in his eyes.

"I saw you got hit!" he growled.

"She had a vest on!" Steve replied quickly "She's fine!"

"Fuck! I told you to stay!"

"It was a ricochet!" you replied furiously "I'm fine!"

"You were supposed to be close!" Peña retorted "To the car! I'm taking you back!"

"But I..."

However, he had already grabbed your arm tightly pulling you towards the car. You stumbled on the way, but he didn't even slow down. He forced you inside and slammed the door shut.

"Not a word!" he growled, threatening you with his finger as soon as you opened your mouth.

Soon he started the engine and you drove off abruptly. You drove out from between the buildings, heading down the road through the forest. You could feel how furious Javier was and you were angry at him yourself. He treated you like an intern, just because you were a woman.

"Are you going to stay silent the whole way?" you growled looking at his clenched jaw and deeply heaving chest "Fine! At least I don't have to listen to your bullshit!"

The car suddenly pulled onto a side road and stopped. In an instant Peña turned towards you. His dark eyes were focused on you, he looked like he wanted to tear you into a thousand pieces. Before you could say anything he ripped off your vest. You saw the relief on his face when he saw that you were indeed not injured.

"Fucking ricochet!" he hissed "You're so fucking stubborn! So annoying!"

"You're no better!" you replied "Just because I'm a woman you treat me like..."

You didn't finish. His hand grabbed the back of your neck and forcefully pulled you to him, your lips crushed hard. 

It was full of teeth and fighting between you. But you didn't back down when his tongue pushed between your lips. On the contrary, your hand moved to his crotch where you could feel how hard he was. 

You knew what he wanted, you wanted the same. You didn't protest when he quickly started to unbutton your pants. Your lips parted only for a moment to free your legs and then you sat on his lap, struggling with his zipper.

"So disobedient." he hissed through his teeth "You'll be the death of me someday."

"I'm not sure which of us will finish the other off first." you mumbled "But it's only a matter of time."

His hard cock came out and you knew you wouldn't last if you didn't feel him inside you right away. You felt his long fingers slide over your folds.

"So wet already?" Peña purred and a sly smile appeared under his mustache "I knew it, hermosa. You have a soft spot for me."

"Maybe I just want to fuck you?" you replied, one of his fingers slipping inside you.

"That's for sure!" his eyes were fixed on the spot where his hand was moving "You were rubbing that sexy ass of yours all over the office. Just waiting for me to put my cock in you one more time."

"Don't forget, you're the one who came to me trying to get into my bed again." you sighed, your hand rubbing his cock, a little precum glistening on his red tip.

"But I don't deny that I have a weakness for you, hermosa.”

His hand withdrew and he gripped your hips tightly to position you just above his manhood. His tip slid over your entrance a few times, then slid in in one swift movement.

The air escaped your lungs and your head fell back against Javier's forehead as you closed your eyes. His cock stretched you wonderfully, reaching so deep inside you. But you didn't want to wait any longer.

His hands squeezed your hips as you began to move up and down. In each thrust you felt all the stress and anger that filled you, but lust followed right behind it. The car filled with your moans and the sounds of skin slapping against skin.

"So good, hermosa. You're so tight, so good for me..." Javier whispered, his voice darker than usual "I've wanted to be back in that pussy for so long. Fuck! I'd take you on the fucking desk so everyone could see how good you take me."

You felt a slap on your ass, but it only made the excitement in your core grow. Peña's cock hit exactly the spot you wanted. He could do anything to you then.

"Jesus, right there..." you moaned "I'm so close!"

"That's good! You'll take everything I give you, right?" he began to press you harder against his hips "I knew that pussy was missing me, hermosa.”

"You're a bastard, Peña." you groaned "Fucking bastard."

"With the best cock you've ever had, right? I'm sure no one has ever fucked you like I have. C'mon, chica! Give it to me! I want to hear you come!"

"Javier, please..."

"Oh, you'll beg me again soon." His lips sucked on your neck below the collar of your shirt, leaving a mark on it. A mark that Javier Peña had you. "I'll fuck you so hard all night long that you won't be able to walk properly. Everyone in the office will know who owns this pussy!"

"Fuck!"

The velvet walls trembled and tightened around his cock as a spasm of pleasure spread through your body. You dug your nails into his shoulders, moaning loudly as you came. Javier was right behind you.

He thrust a few more times and came, spilling inside you. He breathed deeply, resting his head against the headrest. His dark eyes watched you lazily, you felt his hands running over your aching thighs.

"We should get back to the office." you finally spoke up. "Murphy will be there soon."

"You're probably right." he replied, his tongue licking his dry lips.

You slid off him, feeling his cum running down your thighs. However, you slipped into your panties and pants, trying to get yourself in order. The engine started.

Suddenly, you felt Javier's arm leaning against your seat, and when you looked up, you saw his face turned towards you. You couldn't decipher what was going on in his head.

"I really meant what I said." he declared, smiling slightly. "I have a soft spot for you, mujer loca.(crazy woman) And it will kill me someday."

"I don't know if I can make that happen, Javier." you replied, your hand tightened on his thigh. "You're worse than the cockroaches in our office's basement." he shook his head in disbelief "And that's why you were so tense and angry lately, huh? Your pants must have been really tight if you were still hard at the sight of me."

"Sweet as always." he snorted, laughing.

He leaned down and his lips touched yours again. But now he kissed you tenderly, exploring your mouth with his tongue, drawing from you the sweet moans he loved so much. 

You were his death, the sweetest he had ever known.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[girlgenius1111]

Always Will

After a bad game, Claudia takes her frustration out on you. You realize it runs deeper than just one game, and Claudia realizes that she can’t push you away very easily.

Shorter than normal, and probs all you’ll get for a couple more days, but I hope you guys like it anyway ☺️☺️

——-

Claudia sat in the front seat, glaring out the window. Her anger was palpable from where you sat in the drivers seat. You were tempted to break the silence, assure her that she didn't really have that bad of a game, but you knew better. Your drive continued in silence, and you wanted more than anything to reach over to her, and grab her hand, but knew she wouldn't accept the comfort. You'd allow her time to cool down, and then you'd talk to her about it.

What you hadn't considered, though, was that Pina wasn't just frustrated with herself- she was frustrated with you. This was made clear when she bolted out of the car as soon as you pulled in, and slammed the front door shut behind her before you could reach it. You walked in after her, slightly bewildered, as you couldn't think of what you'd done to make her upset.

"Babe? What's wrong?" you ask calmly, watching as the striker practically throws her bag down, stomping into the kitchen.

"What's wrong? Are you being serious?" She asked, whirling around to glare at you.

"Calm down, Clau, and tell me what's bothering you." You work hard to keep your voice even, despite feeling yourself getting annoyed with the other girls' behavior.

"You!" she shouts, and you step back, startled. "It isn't enough that I have the worst fucking game of my life, miss every shot I take, but you have to hover over me afterwards like I'm incapable of handling myself. It was humiliating, y/n, you treated me like a child."

You assume she's referring to when you tried to comfort her after the game. Her frustration had been evident, and you'd just wanted to make sure she was okay. She'd ignored you though, until you pulled her aside in the locker room, and she'd told you she was fine, which you didn't believe. To be honest, what you'd done didn't really warrant this reaction, and you knew that she was just taking her frustration out on you.

"That wasn't my intention. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," you tell her, inching closer when you notice the tears in her eyes.

"Well, I didn't need you to. I'm fine. Now leave me alone, yeah?" she snaps, before marching off into the bedroom, yet again slamming the door behind her.

You sigh, running a hand over your face. Claudia got like this after she didn't play well, but you'd never seen her this upset before. Deciding to give her some space, you head into the kitchen, grabbing a snack, before settling on the couch and flicking on the TV. You'd showered in the locker room, and Claudia had not, so you expect her to do so now.

You tried to lose yourself in the show on, but your thigh ached from where you'd been stepped on. It wasn't a big injury, just a couple cuts and what was sure to be a huge bruise. You're sure Claudia didn't even see it, having gone right into the locker room when she'd been pulled off in the 80th minute. It had happened a couple minutes later, and the physios had thrown a bandage on it before sending you back in. That same bandage was wrapped around your leg now, under your sweats, and you elected to ignore it for the time being.

Claudia hadn't come out of the bedroom, and it had been almost an hour, which you judged to be long enough for her to have cooled down. Standing, you walked to the door and knocked lightly, before pushing it open.

Claudia was sat on the floor, chin resting on her knees. She hadn't showered, and she looked to be completely lost in her thoughts.

"Clau?" you murmur, trying to get her attention. Her head turns towards you, and your lips tug into a frown when you see her flushed cheeks and watery eyes. Deciding to give her a few more minutes of quiet, you walk over to her wordlessly, and hold your hand out. After a second, she grabs it, and you lead her into the bathroom, turning the shower on. You're about to reach out, and pull her top off, but her hands stop you, and she does it herself. Claudia seems intent on showering by herself, but you don't feel particularly like leaving her alone in this state, so you perch on the bathroom counter and pull your phone out as she gets into the shower.

She finishes quickly, sniffling every so often, and you pretend to be engrossed in your phone, when really you're watching her every move. It's unlike your girlfriend to be so quiet, and paired with her earlier behavior, it worries you. She remains silent as she dries off and you follow her out of the bathroom.

This time, though, when she tries to head to the dresser and get clothes out herself, you stop her, and nudge her in the direction of the bed. She frowns but does as you direct, sitting on the edge of the bed in just her towel. You grab comfy clothes from your side of the dresser, walking back over to her. You take your time, gently pulling the shirt and hoodie over her head, as well as a pair of shorts onto her legs.

“Stay here, alright?” You tell the brunette, heading back into the bathroom with her damp towel and return with her hairbrush. She’s right where you left her, staring at the ground. You’re trying to get a good read on her emotions, but her face is blank. The only thing that tells you she’s upset is her shoulders, a slight slump in her usually perfect posture.

You brush through the knots in her hair, and you’re almost done when she reaches out to grab your wrist, bringing your motions to a halt.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She asks quietly. You realize the emotion playing across her face is one of guilt.

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?” You reply, setting the hairbrush down and stepping in closer to rest your hands on her cheeks. She shakes you off though, standing and walking a short distance away from you.

You allow her the space, but turn towards her, waiting for her to explain.

“I was so awful to you, and you’re acting like I haven’t done anything,” she chokes out, and you soften.

“Claudia, don’t worry about it, I’m not mad,” you tell her, because you’re not. She can apologize later, but now, she’s so upset, you don’t care about anything other than making her smile.

“You should be. I was horrible to you in front of the team, and—“

“— and nothing. You were frustrated and embarrassed and I wasn’t helping. You can tell me sorry later, love, but please let me hug you.” You insist, walking towards her. She shakes her head at your words, but you pull her into your arms anyway.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles into your chest. “I don’t know why I acted like that.”

“It’s okay, baby.”

Claudia settles against you, relaxing slightly in your embrace.

“Why were you so upset today? I mean I don’t think you played that bad, Clau.” She scoffs in response. “Seriously, love, everyone has off days.”

“I feel like I only have off days. I haven’t scored in games, amor, I’m letting everyone down,” the striker responds, tears beginning to fall steadily down her cheeks. You realize that this goes deeper than just one bad game, and you curse yourself for not noticing earlier.

“Oh, baby. You’re not letting anyone down. It’s just a slump, you’ll come out of it.” You tell her, placing a kiss onto her head. She just shakes her head in response, though, and you sigh, before pulling her over to the bed. She sits on the edge, and you stand between your legs, guiding her chin up to look at you.

Her eyes are wide, eyelashes wet, as she gazes up at you. You can’t resist kissing the tip of her nose gently. It scrunches adorably and you smile, before you speak.

“You haven’t let anyone down, Claudia. Not me, and not anyone on the team. You have to be patient with yourself. You aren’t going to be perfect all the time, and no one expects you to.”

She looks only slightly reassured. “I just get so into my head. I don’t know what to do, I’m so stressed all the time,” she admits, and you frown down at her.

“Why haven’t you brought this up before?” You ask, because although you knew she was struggling slightly, you didn’t realize she was having an entire crisis of confidence. It explained her moodiness recently, and her outburst today.

“You’re stressed too, amor, I didn’t want to add to that,” Claudia dismisses.

“No, baby what stresses me out is not knowing why you’re so upset. Please, tell me when you’re feeling like this. You’re supposed to lean on me, Claudia, just like I lean on you.”

“Okay,” she mumbles. It isn’t much, but you can see a determination in her eyes that wasn’t there before, a spark. You know she’ll try to open up to you more, even if it’s a slow process.

She leans in, resting her head on your stomach, reaching her arms around you. In the process, her elbow clips your thigh, right over your wound. You let out a hiss, involuntarily jerking back.

“What? What is it?” Claudia asks, eyebrows knitting together as she scans your fully clothed body for injury.

“It’s nothing,” you say, leaning back into the hug. Claudia is insistent though, putting her hands on your legs to stop you. Again, you wince.

“You’re hurt.” She accuses. There’s an unspoken rule between the two of you that you always tell the other when one of you is hurt, which Claudia clearly feels you have broken.

“I’m fine,” you dismiss, but Claudia is already standing, pulling your joggers down your legs, and carefully pulling the bandage off, then dramatically gasping at the sight of your injury. It’s really not that bad, but Claudia is looking at you like you’ve been hiding a gunshot wound.

“Claudia,” you begin.

“No! Now I’m mad!” She says, lips twisting slightly into a smile, and you know she’s only joking. She turns, heading to the closet where you keep the first aid kit.

“I didn’t hide it!” You call after her and she sends you a glare over her shoulder.

“What would you call not telling me you were hurt?”

“Well, if you hadn’t stormed into the locker room before the game ended, or shouted at me when we got home…” you say casually, dodging the box of bandaids she throws at your head, laughing.

“I thought you weren’t mad,” she says, beginning to treat the cuts on your leg. You don’t tell her they’ve already been cleaned, enjoying the gentle way she’s pressing a light kiss to each cut before running the alcohol wipe over it.

“I love you,” you say suddenly. The way her attention has completely flipped, from her own horrible day, to your slight inconvenience, laser focus on making sure you’re okay, makes your heart flutter.

Your girlfriend looks up at you, a small grin on her face. “I love you too, amor.”

Claudia wraps a new bandage around your leg, before heading off to get some ice for it. When she returns, she finds you tucked under the covers already. She puts the ice pack on your leg, before settling into your side.

“Thanks for making me feel better, even when I wasn’t very nice.”

“Always, love. Always.”

She presses a chaste kiss to your cheek, before resting her face in the crook of your neck. You hold her tight, like you always will.

——-

Lord I hate writing on my phone. Also I think this ending sucks. But! Hope you enjoy anyway :)

[willowser]

you had only to look at me—

part one.

bakugou x f!reader

wc: 7.4k+

tags: nsfw (18+), childhood best friend bakugou, oral (f!receiving), m!masturbation, lots of "first time" talk, more angst, more virgin bakugou.

even before i was touched, i belonged to you; you had only to look at me. — the burning heart, louise glück.

this is a repost.

you and bakugou avoid each other just like you did in middle school, only it's a little too easy this time around.

he's terrible at texting back in general, and because you're not initiating any conversations on your own — or sending funny memes or bringing up all might in some capacity — the radio silence draws ever on and on.

the closest you come to interacting with him is getting a snapchat from his mom, his figure in the background at their kitchen table. all you can see is the floof of his hair and the outline of his shoulders, but you're so bothered by the fact that he's home and didn't tell you that you don't even respond.

it officiates things in a bad way; he's really, actually not speaking to you.

and it's — fucking annoying.

at least in the past the distance was mutually and wordlessly agreed upon; you didn't talk because you were busy or didn't have time or anything new to say, but whenever he's come home — because he so rarely does — bakugou has always made his usual, god-honest attempt to irritate you.

and he still is, but this time he's doing it all wrong.

you go through the five stages of grief rather quickly, jumping from denial to anger overnight. several times, you type out something to text him, each message different than the last:

i know you were at your mom's jackass ☠️

it's really not a big deal and i think we should just forget about it, if that's what you wanna do ?

if i crossed some kind of boundary with you then i'm sorry and i won't say that again so you better call me before i put your baby pictures on the internet. i'm serious.

you're my best friend and i don't think it's weird that it happened. if you're being dumb because you're embarrassed, then don't be because i thought it was really hot

unsurprisingly, you don't send any of these and instead just stew in your own aggravation. lunch with him after the whole thing had been just as empty and awkward, and you think he chose the place near your apartment just so you could walk home and he didn't have to spend another second with you.

three months go by, which isn't long compared to other stints you've spent not talking to one another, but this one drags. like a lot. the only good that comes from it is that you graduate from anger to acceptance, finalizing a future without him in it.

except for the few times he invades your brain like a little parasite, red-faced and shuddering, gripping you like a lifeline, and then your stomach flips so hard that you feel sick and it takes genuine effort to check out of that daydream and back into a bakugou-less reality.

and then he shows up at your apartment, uninvited.

his mom hosts a sunday dinner that you don't go to, for several potential reasons. one would be that you'll have to see bakugou and pretend like nothing's happened even though you're still a little peeved; two is that you'll both ignore each other, and that'll reverse all your progress because he's been ignoring you already.

three is that he might not show up, and then you'll have to pretend that it doesn't bother you all night long.

none of that sounds better than watching trash television and falling asleep on your couch, so you tell mitsuki that you're very sick and very sorry, and that you'll make it up to her later.

because of this, the first thing bakugou says to you after you swing the front door open is, "you're supposed to be fuckin' dead."

suffice to say, you're surprised to see him; still outfitted in his hero costume, mask shoved up his forehead so that his hair is wilder than usual. there's kohl smudged around his eyes, messy, and they look brighter and harsher because of it.

there's also a family-mart plastic bag in his right hand.

"what?"

he just grunts, eyes snapping over your figure, dressed down in a too-large sweater and athletic shorts meant for running even though you've never done so in them.

in his hands — still gloved — the plastic crinkles obnoxiously as he holds it out. "old hag told me to bring this to you."

a can of low sodium soup, two apples, gatorade, and something over-the-counter for nausea. there's something else at the very bottom that you don't get the chance to inspect before he interrupts with his big, fat mouth.

"y'look fine to me, so why the hell didn't you go?"

you frown at him and — don't know what to say. clearly, it seems he's going the pretend-it-never-happened route, which is infuriating because he could just as well have done that months ago. even still, he won't hardly meet your gaze, staring for only a moment before rolling his eyes and huffing, sticking them anywhere else. if you peek close, real close, you'd say his ears are a little red, but maybe you're just looking for — something.

you shrug. "didn't feel like it."

he shakes his head like that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard, eyebrow arched. "why the hell not?"

"because, bakugou, i just didn't feel like going, i don't know what else to tell you." you huff, shrugging again when he doesn't say anything. "thanks for the stuff. is that it?"

his lips twist as he thinks, giving you another once-over before sighing. under his tank-top, you watch how his chest expands, the grimace that ripples over his face as he reaches a hand to lightly feel at his right side. "need your help with somethin'."

now you're just being petulant; you snort, raising your eyebrows as his eyes narrow at the sound. "me? are you joking? you need my help with—"

he groans loud enough to drown you out. "y'gonna let me in or y'just gonna run your mouth?" and so you step aside to wave him in wordlessly.

the backpack on his shoulder dumps to the ground by the door and he strolls into the kitchen like he owns the place, despite the fact that he's never been here before. you've lived in the unit for a year, but meetups are so infrequent and showing it off to him was never considered — until now; watching him shuffle through the bag on the counter, your nerves spike at the reality check.

alone together, again. in your apartment. well after dark.

that image of him is so — invasive, sweeping in at the worst times: between your legs, face as red as his eyes, the little moan he kept trying to swallow. how embarrassed he seemed when you asked if he felt good, if you felt good, and the fact that he still admitted it despite everything.

your entire body blazes like a flame to gasoline, and you try to focus on what else he's taking out of the bag, oblivious.

does he think about it at all? the way you have? at the root of the situation, that's what has been most bothersome: is he grossed out? simply embarrassed? does he feel taken advantage of? did he enjoy it and just doesn't know how to say it? the not knowing is driving you insane.

"i got—" bakugou awkwardly angles his body, gently touching at his side again. in his hands is a simple pack of first-aid supplies, like a wound wash and bandages and medical tape. "need you to change this shit for me."

"oh?" is all you can manage to say, still distracted, and whatever is obvious in your voice has his eyes snapping to you from across the kitchen, adam's apple bobbing. you clear your throat, struggling for normalcy. "the hell did you do?"

he's — going to take his shirt off. clearly, by the way he stretches out his shoulders and then slowly reaches behind himself to grab the material by the back, carefully pulling it up over his head with a low, stinging hiss.

bakugou's always been a lean kid — guy — but pulled so taut like that, after years of working out muscles you didn't even know he had, he looks — stupidly shredded, and the slow reveal of his tight stomach is not helping you to focus.

you just never realized how hot it was, because you never looked at him like that. until recently.

his mask comes off with his shirt and he tosses both onto the kitchen counter — again, as if he pays the bills here — and his hair is a mess and he usually doesn't care, but he runs a hand through it several times before finally looking back at you, eyes outlined in black.

"y'gonna help me or...?" he shrugs, trying to appear impassive — but it's too obvious; something's shifted, for the both of you.

you don't trust your voice anymore, so you just shuffle over to him, frowning at the dirty, worn bandage that's already unsticking from his skin. with his teeth, he pulls off his gloves and it's a wonder why he even wears them, really, because his hands are filthy underneath, covered in soot and black-stained grease.

standing like he is, arm slightly raised, you can see all his sweat, muscles shifting under his skin as he breathes, and his hairy armpit is staring you in the face and you don't know when he stopped being 12 and started being 20 and when he became such a man. it's not fair, that he should suddenly be so — attractive.

"you're disgusting," you tell him — and mean it — and it's met with such hot and irritated surprise that you have to keep talking before he explodes. "you should probably take a shower before putting on a new bandage."

it's road-rash up his right side, still shiny and wet and blood red. still raw. just looking at it is enough to make you cringe.

bakugou huffs, exasperated. "okay, gimme a towel then."

"i didn't mean take a shower here!" you squawk, taking a step back as if to further yourself from the suggestion.

detonation imminent; bakugou curls his hands into fists and the same muffled warning you've been getting your whole life crackles. "okay," he says, voice thin and razor sharp. "you're coming back to mine then?"

your whole life flashes before your eyes — or at least the few minutes it took for him to lose his shit between your legs. "what? no, why would i?"

"i need your help with this, dip-shit!"

"you're saying there's no one else that can—"

"if you want me to fuck off, just say so!"

things go silent, startlingly so. totally still, except for the rising flush across his face, one that you used to read as annoyance but are now translating into something else you never could have expected from him: embarrassment. it's starting to give you whiplash, how much you're discovering despite knowing him all your life.

"closet is at the end of hall," you say in surrender. "bathroom will be on your left."

bakugou mutters a quiet, angry little "jesus" before stalking back to the front door to get his bag, and then he's disappearing into the dark of your apartment.

you slump down on your couch and — struggle. watching the tv and absorbing nothing; it's a rerun anyway. the sudden, overwhelming urge to cry washes over you as the shower spray sounds in the background, followed by a low-timbered swear and the clatter of several bottles against the tub.

it's easy to butt heads with bakugou. you don't think there is any other way to interact with him, really, because he's so argumentative and that used to be okay, but now things are — off. you don't know what he's doing, what he wants, why he's here and in your shower when he could be at home or getting patched up at his agency. all the conclusions you can come to are frightening, a little, and they're hard to fathom; is he — does he want more?

is this just because he's a guy that got some action and is looking for a second round, or is this because it's you?

this stupid situation has only added an unnecessary amount of drama to your life, and you think maybe the pretend-it-never-happened route is the smartest path, even if you can't stop thinking about him and the strength coiled in his biceps, in his shoulders, and how tall he's become and — when did he lose most of the baby fat in his face, and when did he get such a sharp jawline?

how much is he working out, to get his body like that? he used to be a skinny, scrappy little thing and now — he can probably lift a truck over his head. must run all the time, though he's always been active, and you've never looked before, but you wonder how nice his ass is.

what he looks like under the shower, soapy and wet.

furiously, you blink out of your daydream, feeling like a foreign body in your own skin; if someone would have told you only a handful of months ago that you'd be having weird, sensual thoughts about your best friend, you would have laughed so hard you'd cried. or puked.

but if anyone else stands in that picture with him, your heart squeezes painfully. traitorously. already, you've shared so many memories with him; the start of elementary school, learning how to swim, giving each other equally bruised faces, staying up all night to study for important exams, tackling middle school graduation side-by-side, him making himself at home in your first apartment, just as you had done in his.

the devil on your shoulder asks: what's a few more firsts?

it seems like the shower stops in record time, but when you hone back in on the tv, the episode has changed and new drama is settling in. distantly, the rattle of the doorknob is more aggressive than it needs to be and when the echo of a swung-open door trails down the hallway, your heart suspends in your throat. never have you had to think this much just to be around him, and it's bothersome.

clean and relaxed, he's — softer; you spare a quick glance at him when he comes to stand beside the couch, distracted by the show on screen, and his hair is damp, starting to stick out again the more it dries. his muscles aren't made of marble anymore; still there and rippling, but he breathes calmly and his skin is baby smooth, tender. you eye his tummy and the line of fine hair running down into the waistband of his sweats, and do your best to ignore the sudden desire to kiss right above his belly-button.

"since when are they talking again?"

just as he looks at you, your gaze shoots back to the screen, eyes narrowing as you try to rapidly remember what's happening in the day-to-day for stay-at-home, pro-hero wives.

"uh," you blink, distracted — and he notices, "what do you mean? they've been hanging out, like, all season."

bakugou watches the tv in silence, occasionally glancing down to the bandage in his hands as he carefully spreads it out, as he dampens the towel with the antiseptic and dabs at his wounds. 

"even after she hit on whatshername's husband?"

"yeah, that was a misunderstanding," you frown at him but he doesn't see it. "remember when they went to that dinner party and all hell broke loose because—"

his flat look serves for a rude interruption. "they go to a lot of fuckin' dinner parties."

"i know, but," you scoff, annoyed, "have you even watched this season?"

bakugou scoffs, mocking and over-dramatic, "yeah, as if i've got all day to sit on my ass and watch your stupid girly—"

"you're watching it right now."

"because you've got it on!" he huffs when you sink into the couch, resolutely trying to ignore him. “start it over then, if you’re gonna cry about it.”

you gape up at him, going as far as to pause the show so that maybe he’ll acknowledge you and all your annoyance; he doesn’t. “start it over? this is, like, episode 26!”

“so? got a hot date or what?”

he’s not at all interested in the answer and that’s obvious when he spins around and holds out the bandage expectantly, staring down at the scrape — glowing red and angry, a mirrored wound you can feel scabbing across your own skin; itchy and irritating. 

finally he looks at you properly, frowning softly and — you see him then, can feel the tension lining his body as you carefully tape on his bandage. trying to hide how uncomfortable he is, though you he’s never had to do so with you in all of — forever. it’s nauseating, and again you're struck by the image of him, only now it's of the horror that had been on his face afterwards, at what you’d done.

it pushes everything over the edge; quietly, so that your voice doesn’t expose anything, you say, “you haven’t spoken to me in three months.”

silence weighs in the air immediately, heavy, and you watch him try to appear unbothered, shrugging as he stares back at the unmoving tv, jaw tight. “phone works both ways.”

“yeah, but,” your hands drop as he steps away to pull on a loose shirt, and you curl your fists into your own. just as he has. “i’m always the one having to reach out—”

“so why didn’t you?”

“what?” frustrated, you massage your temples, trying to soothe the nuclear headache threatening to incinerate you. “are you seriously trying to—”

“what’s the big deal?” he huffs, slumping down into the far corner of the couch before cringing, swearing as he gently touches at his bandage. “you’ve gone longer than that without talkin’ to me, so…”

the tone of his voice is infuriating, as if this is somehow all your fault — and maybe it is, because you shouldn’t have crossed such a boundary with him, but — he can be such a dick.

“it’s not just me bakugou, you could have just as easily picked up the phone, too!” your teeth grind when he shrugs again, leaning his head against his fist as he looks anywhere else. it almost looks like guilt that's dragging his expression down, but you know better than to assume he could feel such a thing. “you always—”

“jesus, if i always do this—”

“shut up for a second, damn!” and then because you can’t stand the stupid look on his face, you kick him in the thigh for good measure; it garners a warning glare, his teeth bared.

he easily catches you by the ankle when you try to kick him again. "tell me what the big fuckin' deal is."

"the big deal? oh, you mean besides the fact that you totally came in your pants?"

it stuns him for a second, eyes wide and face pale, before he's yanking you across the couch, narrowly avoiding the knee aimed for his gut. "you—fucking—!" a smack lands across the back of his head when he ducks and he plants a heavy hand over your face, forcing you to close your eyes and turn away.

"you're gonna blow my head off!"

"if i wanted you dead, you—" he intercepts the hand you blindly reach up with, crossing it awkwardly over your chest so that you're pinned down like a wild animal. "you would be!"

"kiss my ass, katsuki." you snark, and it does something to him, your use of his first name, because he's still for a moment before sitting back and collecting your wrists correctly, to hold against the couch arm above your head.

"you're such a fucking—" he swoops in so low that his nose almost brushes yours and he grabs the front of your sweater with his free hand, like he's gonna shake you down for some lunch money. "fuck, i could just—" and then he groans long and loud, so annoyed he can't find the words.

"yeah, well—"

"shut up," he lightly knocks his forehead into your cheekbone with another dissatisfied sound, letting out a heavy sigh as he sinks his face down into your neck.

all your muscles tighten on instinct, waiting for the sharp bite that's due any second — but his fingers only uncurl from the material of your sweater, slowly slipping around to tangle into the hair at the nape of your neck. his pull there is a little tight, enough for you to know he's got you, but not so much that you're head is aching; you can't imagine you have a sensitive scalp, anyway, after growing up around him.

you want to say something — which is an annoying realization because now you feel like too much of a talker — but you just focus on the heave of his chest over yours, the breath that moves through him. the minute jostle of his hips as he settles further into the space between your legs, almost comfortable. the slight swell of something unfamiliar against your inner thigh.

bakugou presses his face a little further into you, warm, and the tip of his nose drags along the column of your throat. successfully sedating you, distracted by the feel of his parted lips against your skin.

your body is hot all over, very suddenly; the sweater now feels like a death trap and hopefully you don't smell weird, though it's never been a worry before, not around him, and your adrenaline is rushing and you're kinda tired of acting like you don't know why that is.

fuck pretend-it-never-happened. it's been a long three months.

he's almost entirely pressed against you, but there is a small gap of space that closes when you open your legs a little wider, hitching them around his waist as his breath stutters against your neck.

it's happened so quick, so effortlessly yet again; you give a purposeful roll of your hips upward and are lost in him all over.

only — it's different than it was before because straddling his lap hadn't done much for you, but now the weighted outline of him is right against your center and the pressure that drags across you sends tingles up your spine and has your toes curling in your socks. when you let out a tiny gasp at the stomach-flipping sensation, tension coils in every curve of his body and the grip around your wrists and in your hair only tightens.

you can't help it; you let out a "katsuki" in the same heady tone as you did in his apartment and it has him falling easily into the slow grind you've been unable to stop thinking about. what shifts across his face is obvious, against your throat, like the scrunch of his brow and the slow drop of his mouth. he tries to muffle his breathy "oh" into your skin, but it echoes throughout your entire body, has an ache beginning between your thighs that he's already soothing.

the nip comes then, teeth sinking gently into your neck as you weakly cry out in surprise, but it's only for a moment before his tongue — wet and heavy and wide — is tasting over your jugular, lips closing around your skin as he sucks experimentally. you let out a proper moan then, squirming against his hands and up into him so that the pressure doubles for the both of you.

katsuki finally relinquishes your wrists, carding his hand down your body before coming to squeeze your hip, your thigh, locking your leg tight around his waist. "yeah," he rasps, voice deeper than you've ever heard it as he presses his forehead into yours. "how do you fuckin' like it?"

being bitten, he means, vengefully, but you're spread open beneath him and he's rutting the hard length of himself against you roughly, eagerly, and panting open-mouthed and you tighten up at the aggression in his tone and in his hands and his very being and —

"fuck," you gasp, loud and wanton, "fuck, katsuki—"

and then you are kissing your best friend.

the boy from down the street that always ruined your hair and taught you where to place your thumb if you were gonna throw a punch. that used his empty pen cartridge to blow spitballs at you and mocked you for losing crane games, even though he ended up giving you the stupid stuffed animal anyway. that had to be king of the castle, with his stick-sword and cardboard shield. that demanded you be his queen, weeds he picked for you woven carefully into your hair by his hands.

katsuki kisses like he's shy — another term you've never thought of in relation to him and all his fire and brimstone; it's slow and a little delayed in comparison to what his hips are doing, as if he's in his head too much and is trying to figure how to move his lips and when. tentative and chaste, until you run your tongue along the seam of his mouth and pry him open a little more.

it's making you hungry; that possessiveness from before is creeping back in, eager to have him in ways nobody else has. you arch into him, biting at his lips and sighing into his mouth as goosebumps break out across his skin.

with a slant of his head, he deepens the kiss and you can feel his nostrils flaring, the fingernails scratching against your scalp, the bruises he's probably leaving on your thigh. he lets up only to breathe, panting into your ear when he begins to bite and suck on your skin again; your earlobe and neck and even the cut of your jaw. like maybe he's hungry, too.

you fist a hand into his shirt just to tug it up his body, feeling the strong contract of his stomach when your fingers ghost against him. katsuki gets the hint quickly, rising up to his knees to tear the material off — much more harshly than he did before, which has you eying his crinkled bandage — and you move fast to take advantage of the new space.

it gives him pause when you yank down your shorts, pulling your legs back to slip them off and fling them somewhere across the room. his face goes red again, and his heaving chest, too, and his eyelids flutter as he takes in the sight of your flimsy, damp cotton underwear. you start to pull the sweater up your stomach, but he's watching so intently — so ravenous — that you get shy, without a bra underneath the too-hot fabric.

in any other situation, katsuki would have grabbed onto this moment, your hesitation, and held it over your head to come back and poke at. cataloged this little weak spot for future arguments, but now —

not once has he ever been gentle with you in anything; it's enough of a surprise that that's even a possibility for him, for the two of you, but he presses his body back into yours and kisses you deep, calloused fingers tracing over the new skin exposed to him. he doesn't try to push the sweater up any further, but one hand slips up your back, to splay between your shoulder-blades like it had before, and he's so close and you've never known him to be this — careful. with anything.

"y'r so—" katsuki rolls his hips again and groans, whispering against your lips. "fuckin' soft."

his sweatpants are still on and you don't know why, but when you reach down to help tug them off, he grabs your wrist before they can go too far.

he presses the heat from his cheeks into your own, like he wants to share it. "you done this before?"

"have you?"

he frowns at your non-answer. "i asked first."

you have. three times, technically, though a phantom pain echoes in your stomach at the memories, and you feel an odd emptiness in your chest that makes you really glad to have the sweater still on. your answer leaves you a little ashamed, under his gaze, and you purposely turn from it. "would...that bother you?"

before, you wouldn't have cared, didn't care, nor were you even thinking of him when it happened. wherever he must have been; u.a, probably, getting ready to make his lifelong dreams a reality while you trusted a boy that didn't look at you the way katsuki is now. that didn't hold you and touch you and kiss you the way your best friend has.

he scoffs, though it doesn't sound as careless as it usually does and he squeezes his eyes shut so you can't read them. the truth that's hidden there. "no," he lies, "why would—" but he doesn't finish, just sighs.

"it was awful anyway," you tell him, offering a small smile when he peeks down at you. he doesn't say anything, so you kiss him once, twice, until his tension is melting away. "should have been you."

the grip on your thigh turns almost painful and he grinds into you so roughly that you both gasp, loud in the tight, barely-there space between you. "yeah," he rasps, sucking another bruise into the hollow of your throat. "fuckin' should have."

you try to imagine it; eighteen and nervous, naked in front of him for the first time since you were seven and got into paint from his mom's workshop, when she made you both strip down in the same room, furious. how different he might have been with you then, how much more unsure. kinder than your ex, without a doubt, even for katsuki, and he probably wouldn't have even gone through with the whole thing, considering how uncomfortable the first time is.

or maybe it wouldn't have been, with him; maybe he would have looked into it, taken the time to wind you up the same way he is now so that you were eager and wet and ready. looking down at you with his wide, almost-black eyes in the dim light of a table lamp. another first to share.

"if i'd have just," he huffs, allowing his sweats to slip down past his hips. shoulders trembling when he makes you moan out his name again. "fuckin'—grown a pair 'n told you—"

the weight of him becomes more obvious, the straining bulge he's rocking into your core, and seeing it is — really getting to you; wearing such tight boxers, you can tell just how close the pink tip of him is to his waistband, nearly peeking out from just how hard he is.

it takes a shrug to get him out of your shoulder, so you can press your lips back to his. "can still be you, katsuki," you breathe, biting on his bottom lip until his tiny frown is gone. "if you want, it can still be you."

for a minute, he indulges himself in the greedy kiss you're giving him, testing strokes of his tongue against your own as his hips stutter out of rhythm — but it's when your fingers brush through the hair at the base of his stomach, trying to slip a hand into his boxers, that he's gasping into your mouth and pushing his body up and away.

determination settles over his face then — along with his vibrant flush — and he doesn't say anything as he grabs you like it's nothing and scoots you up the couch so that your back is pressed to the arm, propped up. once he settles between your thighs, he just rests his face into the plush of your stomach — which is humiliating and has you squirming, but the firmness returns to his hands; holding your hips so that you'll still, so that he can kiss right above your belly button, just as you wanted to do to him.

heat flares in your own cheeks — and down your chest and in your ears and searing on the back of your neck — when you feel the first puff of his warm breath against your underwear, where you're sensitive and slick and aching.

this is completely new to you; your ex-boyfriend probably never considered tasting you here, certainly not with the same desire that's painted across katsuki's face. you have to slap your hands over your eyes and bite your lip, embarrassed, suddenly, at how desperate the simple press of his mouth to your underwear makes you.

"hey, hey," katsuki grunts, pinching at your hips until you peek at him through your fingers. the highlights of his cheeks are crimson and his eyes are black, glaring with an intensity that makes you shiver. "it's my fuckin' turn."

to make you fall apart, he means, just as he had.

at the first hot drag of his tongue against the material, you squirm, leaning your head back so that your expression is hidden. another grunt comes from him, you think in dissatisfaction, but he continues, laving until your mouth is falling open and the fabric between you is drenched.

he's gone just long enough to be replaced by the ghost of his thumb, touching you much too-gently. hunger has you stealing another look at him, watching behind your hands as he stares, blatantly, at the mess he's already made of you, stroking the pad of his finger against the sodden material in interest.

discovering; a curious swipe over where you're aching has you sighing and trembling and his eyes jump back up to your covered face, open mouth curling into the faintest smirk as he does it again and again and again. it's bullshit — how quickly he's figured you out, almost as if your body was meant to be unraveled by his hands — but then again, it didn't take you long either, did it?

"katsuki," you hiss, digging a hand into the hair at the crown of his head, tugging on it until his smile is dropping and his eyes are lidding. your body is on fire and your legs are trying to close around his head, hips squirming as he toys with you, like the little brat he is.

deadly serious, he grabs your underwear and holds it tightly in his fist so that you can wiggle one leg free, and then he's tugging it out of his way and devouring you whole.

it's sloppy, the mixture of spit and slick as runs his tongue through you, wet and wide, and you're so sensitive that you squeak out in surprise, fingers tightening. a groan punches from deep in his chest and your hips buck at the vibration of it, drawn so tight already.

"oh my—" you gasp, dropping your other hand from your face to grip the couch; eyes closed, you're somewhere else entirely, lost in the clumsy swirl of pleasure between your thighs.

katsuki raises his head to breathe, reaffirming your grip in his hair by wrapping his fingers tight over your own. at the shiny sight of his mouth, you can't help but to whimper with a needy roll of your hips, until he's simply sticking out his tongue and allowing you to ride it, to use it as you need to. it's embarrassing, how desperate you are, but his eyes are knife-sharp and trained on you and you've never experienced anything like this.

he moves then, slipping one hand further up under your sweater, cupping your breast carefully as his lids flutter — and the other is shoved between his hips and where they're pressed into the couch. you tighten up at just the idea of him rutting into his hand while kissing your messy slit, moaning openly, head falling back as your eyes start to roll.

this is — fuck — you've never been so turned on in all your life and it's driving you crazy; at one point in time, the thought of bakugou like this would have grossed you out, but now you think it's only like this because of him. anyone else wasn't right, not the way he is, and he's maybe a little impatient and unwieldy, but it's katsuki. between your legs with his mouth on you — something he wanted — and his fingers are brushing over your nipple and the other is down his pants, wrist flexing and —

"fuck, oh fuck, i—" you try to sit up, chasing blindly after the high, but he forces you back down. a long groan is muffled by your skin and when he lifts his chin just a little, a glob of spit falls off his lips and the sight makes your toes curl before he presses back into you and sucks.

everything goes blank as you free-fall into him and you cum quietly, muscles so taut in your body that your voice can't even squeeze out of your throat. the minute you're able to breathe, he's biting a mark into your thigh and yanking you back down under him, lips slick against yours.

tasting yourself on his tongue has you coming out of the heady haze, ravenous; katsuki helps you to shove his boxers down, though he can only gasp tightly when he grinds against you, coating himself.

"'m not—" his soft hair tickles your face when he shakes his head, arms trembling beside your head. "i won't be able to—"

"keep going," you breathe, smearing your mess over the tip of him and down his length as he groans. "i don't care, keep going."

he smashes his lips to yours, though he's only able to meet the pump of your hand a few times before dropping his forehead to your shoulder, spine curling, fingers digging into your hair. katsuki swears long and low, eventually letting out a soft sound you wouldn't have expected from him as his entire body tenses and he spills onto your stomach.

"goddamn it," he moans into the fabric of your sweater, weary, after a long moment. "now 'm fuckin' tired."

and for some reason that makes you laugh, though the lust is dissipating and your nerves are trembling at the memory of how this ended last time. katsuki pulls away suddenly, making your stomach drop, and he doesn't look at you as he detangles himself, awkwardly shuffling away from the couch and out of sight.

you frown down at the mess on your stomach, the way it's pooling in your belly-button — and you'll be damned to let him leave you like this, but just as you finishing reciting over and over what you want to say, he appears, towel in hand.

it's still damp from his shower and you tense on instinct, waiting for him to start twirling it with that stupid grin on his face, but katsuki only arranges your legs so that he can sit between them, carefully wiping you off as his cheeks burn. and you just watch him, the way he runs a hand over your skin to make sure he got it all before helping to finagle your underwear back on properly.

then he just looks at the tv, unmoving. if he's trying to appear casual at all, it's a piss-poor job — but he's never been able to keep his fat mouth shut for long.

the look he gives you lacks its usual heat, though you can't tell if that's just because he's drained or if he's withdrawn for another reason. "what now? six months, a year before you talk to me again?"

and you're annoyed all over again.

"what?" you return his weak glare, sitting up properly so that you're right in his face. "are you kidding me? you didn't talk to me either."

"the hell did you want me to say?" he scoffs and — you could slap him, for ruining everything so quickly. wipe that stupid look off his face with your fist. "'sorry i busted a nut, you free for dinner?'"

"yeah!" the shrill tone of your voice makes his eyes widen, and you throw your hands up in the air, incensed. "that sounds wonderful in comparison to coming home and avoiding me."

"i didn't avoid you," he mutters, though his eyes drift back to the tv. "just didn't have shit to say."

"bakugou," you slap your hands over your face for the second time, though this one is much worse than the last. "how is that fucking fair? what did you want me to say?"

and now — his eyes are full and furious, mouth curling down into an ugly frown that you've so rarely had the pleasure of seeing on his face; every time his mother made you go home and when you told him you weren't gonna try to test into u.a. when he overheard your girl friends teasing you for liking an older boy in your school.

when he was losing you, you realize.

"'m not doin' this shit with you," he mutters, definitive, before swiping his shirt up off the floor and standing. "not doin' this bakugou shit."

"oh my god," you groan, rising, too, because your stomach is twisting at the thought of him leaving again, no matter how angry he's making you. "what does that even mean?"

you trail him as he stomps into your kitchen to grab his work shirt and mask from the counter, trying to interrupt him at every turn, and the scowl on his face only grows when you shoot to stand in front of the door, just as he reaches for his bag.

"you can't—"

"this," he seethes, gesturing to you and then himself before gritting his teeth so hard that they should shatter. "this is why i didn't wanna fuckin' talk to you."

you knew he didn't. the minute lunch ended and when you made out his shape in mitsuki's snapchat: you knew. but hearing it from his mouth is as much of a confirmation as it is a kick in the gut.

there's more he's struggling to say, mouth shifting as he chews on the words and the skin of his lips. his gaze jumps from you to the door to something on the counter before he's swallowing again, staring down at you with brand new eyes.

the light in the kitchen makes them shine, angry and sad. "i can't—" he sighs, nostrils flaring like he's mad at himself for struggling. "go back to bakugou, not after—" a vague hand waves toward the couch. "maybe this is just, i don't know, whatever to you, but i — fuckin' can't."

tell me what the big fuckin' deal is; earlier, he'd demanded it of you, why the silence mattered so much this time when it didn't seem to matter before. in the midst of your anger, you didn't think twice about his wording but now —

he wanted you to say it. katsuki wanted to hear you say that it hurt to be without him for so long, and he kept his distance because he was afraid that you wouldn't.

"you're so stupid," you mutter it quietly, and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, enraged, but before he can get another dumb word out, you loop your arms around his neck and just — kiss him.

not crazy or wild or lust-driven, just your lips to his, slowly working him out of the shell he's tried to hide behind.

the bag in his hand hits the ground with a soft thud and then his arm is wrapping around your back, tugging you to him as he finally breathes and opens his mouth — and lets you in.

when you cup the sides of his neck, katsuki inhales sharply through his nose, pulse jumping under your fingers, and his lashes flutter against your cheeks as he opens his eyes. he pulls back enough so that you can stare at each other and you realize that eyeliner is still clinging to his lids, making him seem sharper than usual.

you're a little stunned, then, at how beautiful he is. 

"i can't go back to bakugou either, dumbass." gently, you knock your forehead into his, smiling at the pout on his face. "you've totally screwed that up for me."

"yeah, well," he huffs, "about time. only took you all my goddamn life."

"sorry i'm late."

"what else is new?" he rolls his eyes and you squeak, indignant, before sticking your tongue out at him, patience worn thin already.

you expect a bite or a pinch to the cheek or another rough violence that falls along the lines that have made up your relationship thus far — but instead there is only something soft that reflects in his eyes and the shy kiss he presses to your lips, something that he's kept safe just for you, guarded, with his stick-sword and cardboard shield.

[bloodyjuls-blog]

Im gonna fight for both of us

P4

So here we go with part 4, sorry it takes me too long but I'm working and hate work haha...

When Alexia entered the hospital she had no idea what she would find there, in one hand, she could find y/n awake but with some tiny injuries (it was what she wished) but what she found was a nurse informing her that they needed someone to give consent to perform an emergency surgery because y/n's accident is a serious life threatening emergency and Alexia knew well, the only person who could do that was your sister, she had the obligation to call her and inform her, she didn't bother to call your parents because she knew that you were not the most beloved daughter in that family, moreover, she knew that they wouldn't even miss you if you died, because she heard many conversations with them in which they clearly told you that you were a failure.

While Lilah, your sister, gave the authorization over the phone, the doctors explained to Alexia what had happened to y/n. First, when they arrived at the hospital y/n went into cardiac arrest due to the impact, then doing a general sweep they found cervical and spinal injuries that compromise her mobility, hence the emergency surgery. What worries them the most is the injury of her brain, apparently it has a severe inflammation and they are concerned that when she wakes up (if she does) she will have compromised her cognitive functions such as speaking, moving, remembering things, most likely she will have memory loss.

When her sister arrived at the hospital she was furious, how was it possible that y/n was drinking again and doing these things as irresponsible. Alexia got angry and said a few things to her.

"Look, I don't think that looking for blames is the solution, what I think is that we should support each other without blaming in favor of y/n not dying, because I swear that if she dies I am going with her, you don't understand the things she was going through, and being honest neither did I, and if looking for blames then blame me because I was the one insisting" Alexia said. "Insist on what, what did you say Alexia" says y/n's sister "I insisted so much on the idea of starting a family, having children, that without those things I couldn't continue with her, that all this time was lost, but I swear it's not like that, it hurts me a lot to know that probably the only thing she heard from me was that while she's always being the loveliest person she is told me that for her the family was me and she didn't need children while she was with me, you don't know how much I regret it." Says Alexia crying and Lilah just approached and hugged her. At the end of the day their relationship is very close. "Ale calm down a little and come let's sit down, I think I understand why y/n is like this with the family thing and maybe when y/n wakes up it will kill me because it's something she didn't want you to know" lilah says calmly. They settled into the waiting room chairs.

"Since she was very little, my sister has always been the black sheep, the daughter that nobody wanted, the girl that when she had the opportunity to left home she did and never came back, you know Alexia when my sister left I was very sad but as an older sister I always saw the mistreatment and never said anything, she stopped going to so many events, so many Christmas reunions, so many birthdays or things like that because she simply knew that they didn't want her, they didn't show it love of support, the only thing that accompanied her in her gray days and well not so gray, was her bottle of whiskey, what can you ask from a teenager who has social pressure for what she does and no support or family that can tuck her in and tell her that everything will be okay" says the sister between soft tears. "I didn't know that, I thought that since she was also getting along with you..." Ale said remembering the phone calls from your parents.

"Of course Ale, you more than anyone knows that she is not one of those people who scream her problems and plead for help, she didn't want you to see her as something weird, that's why she gets along so well with your family, she found love in you, to feel loved, tucked in by someone, valued, no matter what and luckily your family is just like you, if you see the relationship my parents have with me and have with her you would surely get angry because you and I know what is y/n and how important it is to have her in our lives, Ale I'm not going to lie to you, a while ago I also thought that my sister wanted to be a mother because you know mate, look at how she treats the children, they have a very special relationship, very nice, she is a pure soul, but all her life she has seen examples of how not to be parents, how my mother ignored her and her things, Alexia the fact that my parents are not here is not new, when that 17 year old girl in her peak career broke her cruciate ligament, nobody was there for her, not even to give her a bottle of water, and because of that and more things is that y/n is super strong and every thing she sets in her mind to do she achieves it. For many years it was just her against the world and she has lived many blows without saying a word, so if she gets out of here you will understand that it will be very difficult, she will need a lot of support because according to what I have been told, her injuries are serious, probably the only thing that keeps her alive is football and she won't can do that anymore" says Lilah calmer. "I swear Lilah when y/n gets out of here things will be different, I would have liked to have this same talk but with her and avoid this bump in our road but life gives some people a lot and others very little, I swear I will be in her way as long as she lets me, that girl deserves nothing but good things and I believe that all the people she has given her love have let her down in a certain way, but just like you, I also want to do well, did you know that at home I have the ring to propose to her? I swear that without it I can't live" says Alexia more calm and confident. "I'm glad to hear that Ale, you two do each other good, please don't lose that, you're all would be miserable for life and that's not what you're all deserve." Lilah said as she gave Alexia a hug.

Hours later

"Relatives of y/n y/l" says the receptionist on the OR floor. "We are" say Lilah and Alexia at the same time. "The doctor is cleaning up but he's on his way here to report his relative" says the girl stoically. "Thank you very much" they both say in unison.

Once in the study room with the doctor....

"Well, I must say that it was a very complicated surgery because we found internal injuries that we couldn't see in the x-ray and that compromised her health, I am not lying when I say that she went into cardiac arrest at least three times and that worries us a lot because it means that her heart is weak. About her cervical injuries I am afraid that only when she wakes up we will be able to know if she has sensitivity in her legs and if she will be able to walk again, but I must admit that because of the blows her spinal cord has been affected, I want to be very realistic with you, if we manage to have a satisfactory recovery it will be very difficult for her to return to her profession, because the high impact can cause definitive injuries, now my colleagues are monitoring her brain signals because in the resonance we saw very few but we can guarantee that there is no brain death, but any sequels will be determined once she wakes up, at the moment she is not in coma but she was not awake either, we have implemented a method of sedation a little strong but I insist she is not in coma, so now later when the entrance to her relatives is authorized you're all can talk to her, in this state she can listen hope so. Of course, the view that you are going to find is very strong, because she is connected to many tubes and intravenous lines, also her external injuries are a little strong and her foot has an external fixator because there was a fracture of the tibia and fibula". Says the doctor super calm but forceful.

"thank you very much doctor, the fact that she is still alive is because of your effort, let's hope that the evolution is positive, sure it is" says Lilah calm and Alexia super scared because she doesn't understand anything. "Well Ale, y/n is not well and there are strong changes coming in her life and the only thing we have left to do is be by her side to make it as bearable as possible, I am not so much worried about her physical injuries but mental then we must make sure that when she gets out of here she gets psychological attention, and have faith that she will get out of this because she is a super strong person, she always has been and this will be just a very fat bump for her, are you ready to see her" Lilah says optimistic. "I don't know, I just know that if I will always be even if she doesn't want me to, it will be hard for me to see her like this but that's okay" Alexia says forcefully. Alexia's phone starts ringing, it's Ana and Leah on joint call.

"Hi girls."

"Hi Alexia, what happened to y/n, did you find her" says Ana worried.

"Girls, y/n was involved in an accident and it's serious" says Alexia with her voice cracking remembering the anguish experienced a few hours ago.

"How???? What do you mean accident and serious????, my goodness" says Leah in dismay.

"Yes girls, apparently her car overturned at high speed on Tibidabo and her injuries are serious, she probably won't be able to play football anymore" "if you want to come I'm sure y/n would really appreciate it" says Ale sadly.

"I'm already looking at flights to Barcelona, I just can't believe it, what a downer girls, I'm so sad" says Leah in tears.

"Ale tells me which hospital you are, I'm on my way" says Ana in a hurry.

"We are in the one near Tibidabo" "now I'm sending you the location, I'm going to hang up, I'm going to go in to see my baby" and Alexia hung up.

Before entering the room Alexia calls the team managers to discuss what happened and they tell her not to worry that everything is going to be fine and that she can take all the time in the world to be with y/n.

Lilah takes Alexia's hand and asks her if she is ready to go in to which Ale nods not so sure....

When they enter the first thing they see is y/n lying on the bed with many tubes everywhere, one coming out of her mouth, IV in her arms, one in her leg and the fixator in her ankle adding the bandage on her head (because nothing can be seen from her spine but that's where her surgery was) a tube coming out of her side, Alexia's heart breaks in little pieces to see her like this, the love of her life lying on a bed fighting for her life....

"Ale, talk to her and hold her hand, so she could feel you are here, with her, while I go make some calls" "Ok" alexia says.

"Hello my love, I know that the last time I spoke to you I didn't say very nice things but I want you to know that they're not true, I was very angry with you, it is that you are a stubborn honey, why don't you tell me your things, my life you are going to be very well. You are going to recover and although everything will be very different I am going to be with your sister and you all the way, you are going to be well, healthy, strong and laughing at life as always, I am sad to see you like this, I don't like to see that you are having a bad time, I only ask you to fight and stay here with me, don't go without me, I love you so much, all the girls are worried, even Leah is coming from London later and Ana is on her way, I'm sure that when they see me they will want to tear my head off for being stubborn, and you should know that I don't mind not having children but as long as I have you, nothing happens. .. We will buy the little house on the beach that we want so much and we will be very happy my love, I cannot do without you, you are my life, you have always been my life, I love you, very much and I will not leave here and go home without you. I love you too much, you can't imagine how much..." Alexia says through tears as she comes over and gives you a little kiss on your uninjured cheek. She arranges the chair next to you and doesn't let go of your hand, trying to give you some human warmth in that cold room. And she falls asleep for a while to the sound of the monitors lulling her to sleep.

[princeoftheeternalbog]

Nicknames/petnames op characters like to call you PART TWO

Also suggestive warning for Ace, Marco, Izou

I don't care if law's is ooc btw he deserves to be sickly cute sometimes and yk we kinda saw how he can be when he loves something with that whole sora thing in wano so yeah I'm saying he can be affectionate as a treat.

Anyways here's like all the faves who are not strawhats:

Ace

Baby, sweetheart, pretty thing. Always says them in either the most flirty tone imaginable or the softest. Also he's like flirting with you 24/7 it's so bad but he jist can't turn it off around you like he's so down bad. 100% says heinous filthy shit but tacks on a cute nickname at the end to try and make it sound less intense. It does not work.

OBSESSED with you calling him love or my man and finds it ridiculously attractive. The first time it happened he set his bed on fire by accident and you both got lectured by pops :(. But seriously he just loves any and all verbal affirmation so naturally he adores nicknames. Doesn't get shy at all though, if anything reciprocating his chaotic behaviour makes it 10x worse.

Marco

Love/my love. Sweet and simple and he likes how clear it is to other people. He uses it a ridiculous amount though to be honest like you hear it more than your own name, it's to the point where if he says your name people on the ship don't know who he's talking about😭. Oh and he uses baby when he wants to tease you, like he drops his voice real low, leans really close into your space and speaks right next to your ear. Bit of a bastard tbh.

He blushes easily but doesn't shy away, in fact being called a nickname in return really makes him feel confident and puts him in the mood for affection. Though sometimes the nicknames make him feel...too affectionate. One time you called him pretty bird as a joke and he just sorta sat there, face getting gradually redder until you leaned towards him out of concern, at which point he promptly yanked you onto his lap and started what was one of your most intense make outs to date. Yk, casual things.

Thatch

Cutie, sweet thing, pretty thing. So so gentle with you and it reflects in how he speaks to you as well, even if he's upset or angry he still calls you the sweetest things because you're so precious to him. Though he's also a menace, if he finds out you like a specific petname then he starts discretely whispering it in your ear whenever he passes you to wind you up. Literally he doesn't care if you're having a serious conversation, he'll just slide in behind you and drop his voice to sound like a nice gravelly tone and purposefully make sure to exhale on the back of your ear to make you shiver.

Oh but he can't handle if you do it back, no this man folds like a lawn chair the second you start calling him anything other than his name.

Izou

Darling, dear, lovely, blossom. So casually smooth its unbelievable, also he starts calling you them before you get together. Like after a certain point of friendship and flirting, he just starts doing and saying the most romantic shit(Definitely thinks you're together before you actually are) and the crew are very confused and you're very confused but as if you're gonna complain yk.

This man gets so flustered when you use nicknames with him because it's not behaviour he's used to. Obviously he's been a pirate for a long time but he's actually very reserved and rarely dates so having someone who genuinely cares about him calling something sweet makes him blush so hard and you use that to your fully advantage. He gets revenge later though don't worry.

Law

Love, lovely, pretty, honey, every flowery pet name you can think of. He's so soft with you. He can't help how sickly affectionate he feels around you and it results in him just calling you all sorts of sweet words. He won't do it in public if he thinks you'll be put in danger or if he doesn't feel comfortable but like in front of the crew and strawhats and stuff he doesn't give a fuck. He'll just come up behind you while you're in the middle of a conversation, hand sliding down your lower back, and say sumthin like "are you okay my love?"

Blushes to high heaven if you call him something cute back, he just melts like butter. If he's in a bad mood or like in an argument or something you only have to come up and say hi love and he's all :///))

Kidd

Babe to the public. My love, gorgeous, pretty baby when you're alone. It's not really that he doesn't want to call you those things in public, he just doesn't want enemies to understand how important you are to him but also he doesn't want to keep your relationship a secret because he's obsessed with you and wants to brag about being yours.

Makes him really cocky if you use petnames with him. Like he'll flush but get so overconfident the second you say love or baby or anything of the sort. He doesn't care where you are either, he's just hauling you into his space immediately so he kiss the fuck out of you.

[totheblood]

Helloo :D

Can you do hcs of what it would be like to be friends w benefits with ellie 🫣

a/n: i been waiting on this one ngl... fwb is like the best and worst trope to me... IM SORRY IM SO SICK IN THE HEAD I LOVE U TOXIC ELLIE... also this is modern!ellie.. if this isn't what u meant then im so sorry and i will rewrite it.. not smut but smutty? AI AUDIOS AT THE END

p,s. i lost this when i finished it cause tumblr is the worst and i had to rewrite it so this is a testament of how much i love you guys and i am so sorry if u hate it

fwb!ellie headcanons

it kind of just happened one night after your friends abandoned you at a party and ellie offered to walk you home

you were always close friends with ellie but had gone to the party with a different friend group

...your straight friend group

and you were touch-starved

and ellie was TOUCH-STARVED

so when your tipsy ass asked ellie if she wanted to come inside with you she couldn't say yes fast enough

if she was being honest she was tipsy too

and high

and the alcohol coursing through both of your systems just amplified every touch

it would start gentle with soft kisses

but quickly pick up pace as you moan into her mouth

she wouldn't even make it to your bedroom, pushing you up against the wall and kneeing you

your moans only cause her to want to feel you, her asking for permission before ever touching you

her hands eagerly undo your belt before snapping the waistband of your panties with her fingers

she dips her fingers into your underwear, quickly rubbing circles into your clit

"shit... i'm barely touching you and you're already soaking wet."

"fuck, ellie."

"fuck, you feel so good... this all for me?"

but promptly after fucking you ellie feels sick to her stomach

it's like the reality that she has now fucked her very close friend, who she has always thought was pretty, hits her all at once

so she's quickly throwing her t-shirt on and frantically looking around your place for her flannel

"you're leaving?"

you break her out of her trance and as she looks at your swollen lips and worried eyes her brain is telling her: run, run, run

if it wasn't clear before ellie has no idea how to deal with her feelings

like at all

all she really knows how to feel is guilt & horniness

"yeah well, this wasn't anything serious... we're just friends, right?"

"right, yeah, i know that. it's just really late and cold. you can take the couch.

"right... thanks."

yes, ellie is disappointed that you weren't disappointed and yes, that's toxic

but you were disappointed and there is no way in hell you would be caught dead admitting that

ellie is gone by the morning

it continues every night for about a month straight

one of you is either calling or texting and ending up in the other's bed night after night

ellie will occasionally spend the night (on your couch) and wake you up for your morning classes

or wake up early and buy you breakfast

she tells herself that since she's not cooking the breakfast it doesn't make it coupley

sometimes you two will go out for dinner beforehand... it's not a date it's what ellie likes to call a 'pre-workout snack'

you two will study together and celebrate your grades on tests by trying new things out with each other

"you got an A-? so i'm getting fucking lucky tonight… hell yea"

soon enough she's leaving every party with you

and waiting by the phone for you to call

and thinking about what you are doing

or what you are wearing

and it's all really nice

until it begins to overwhelm her and suddenly she feels like she can't breathe

she didn't like how everyone began to call you a "couple" or how much it bothered her when you would talk about people you were attracted to

or how she wanted to punch their faces in

so she begins to avoid all your texts and calls and avoids going to every party she's invited to

she doesn't even check your social media anymore

it all comes to a head when she's walking on campus and spots you coming from the opposite direction causing her to immediately turn around

"hey, ellie! what the fuck?"

she turns around, an awkward look on her face and all she manages to say is: "what's up?"

"what's up? what's up is that you've been avoiding me. all my texts and calls. what gives?"

"i'm just over it. it got too... close.. for me. you're not my girlfriend so stop acting like you are!"

the minute it leaves her mouth and she watches your face shift from anger to sadness she feels sick to her stomach

"wait, i didn't mean it l-"

"fuck you, ellie."

she goes home and has to stop herself from throwing up

she has no one to talk to about this because she knows she's being an asshole

to make matters worse all she really wants to do is talk to you about it

and she can't

so she just wallows in her apartment and avoids you as much as she can

until she can't

her heart nearly stops when she receives a call from you in the middle of the night and you're crying on the other end asking her to pick you up

"ellie, i'm so so sorry... i wouldn't do this to you if i didn't have a choice but they all left me and i didn't know who else to call and... i need you."

"sh, it's okay... hold on, baby. i will be right there. everything will be okay."

she blows through a couple of stop signs on the way to get you and her heart breaks at the sight of your tear-stained face

"hey, are you o-"

"please just drive, ellie."

ellie takes you back to your place and you fully expect her to leave but she helps you upstairs, takes off your makeup, and tucks you in

you fully expected her to leave but when you wake up she's there in your kitchen

and she made you breakfast

"ellie, what are you d-"

"hey, you're up. do you think you could sit down, have some eggs, and just listen to what i have to say? can you do that?"

"um, sure?"

she takes a deep breath before starting and you make note of how she avoids eye contact with you

"i'm not good at this… or i thought i wasn't good at it and it scared the shit out of me. my whole world became you and i was looking forward to seeing you, and talking to you, and touching you, and i got so scared that it could all get taken away at any moment. so scared that i just sabotaged the one good thing in my life. i'm so sorry, is there anyway you could forgive me?"

"of course i can, you freak"

ai audios:

[cowboyfromh3ll]

Hcs for the boys' toxic traits. Preferably arthur, javier, john, and charles, but other boys are welcome too! I'm curious to see what you'd say Dutch's toxic traist are, though they're pretty self explanatory 😭

I just love how you write sm sorreyyyy

Van Der Linde Gang's Toxic traits

(Arthur Morgan, Javier Escuella, John Marston, Charles Smith, Micah Bell, Dutch Van Der Linde, Sean Macguire, Kieran Duffy, Eagle Flies)

HAHAHA THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE. I tried not to sugarcoat anything.

Arthur Morgan - He definitely has some trouble communicating. Not to say he never will communicate with you but it'll be long in between and after it's been plaguing him for a milenium. As we've seen, this man is capable of having deep, well thought out conversations. He'd also be pretty prideful to some degree. Mostly depends what point in time you start dating, later in game he'd be able to see past his pride. Also, I feel like if you were dating a major point of contention in your relationship would be questioning whether it's time to move on from this life.

Javier Escuella - WAY too jealous. I don't even mean it in a cute way but in a way that would genuinely cause several arguments between you two. "Why were you looking at him that way?" "That sounded like you were flirting with him" "Why do you spend so much time around the other guys?" Would also be around you 24/7. Someone would be incapable of having a conversation with you that doesn't include Javier. You two would also argue about Dutch's leadership skills.

John Marston - Oh my God this man is so indecisive. Doesn't know what he wants ever. In a modern setting you two would be sitting in the car, asking each other back and forth "what do you wanna eat?". And his commitment issues? Good lord. At some points in your relationship it'd probably feel like you guys aren't dating at all. You'd probably have to beg him to put some effort into the relationship to be honest.

Charles Smith - It's so hard to think of ANYTHING this man can do wrong but alas, I must. You probably wouldn't be his top priority at all times. Which isn't to say you should ALWAYS be at the top of his list, but sometimes it can result in your feelings being neglected over a situation that affects you. Only when the day reaches it's end will he consult you over something, which will have you feeling incredibly frustrated.

Micah Bell - This man is a walking red flag so let's not dance around his flaws. Incredibly prideful, will ignore your warnings over something just to get his way. Also probably lies to you A LOT. Can be way too rough with you in many aspects. Also this man embodies the word sleezy. Yuck.

Dutch Van Der Linde - Do I even need to say. So fucking stubborn. He also probably thinks he's intelectually superior to you. If you bring up a concern to him he'll probably use as many flowery and big words as possible to make himself appear smarter during the discussion than he actually is. And if you advise him to do anything he'll probably just ignore you, saying you don't know what you're talking about. All in all, thinks he's better than you. Also you're probably a trophy wife since Dutch views women as accessories to his success, if you can even call it success.

Sean Macguire - He doesn't take anything seriously. If you're trying to have a genuine discussion with him he'll play it down and make it seem less important or severe than it actually is. Don't even bother trying to emphasize how serious you are because he won't take that seriously either. It's only until he feels the consequences of his actions will he listen to you, which results in a frustrating cycle.

Kieran Duffy - Also very indecisive but in the way where he can't speak up for himself because he doesn't think it's important. Has such low self esteem, he also probably thinks his emotions are less important which results in a lot of miscommunication on his behalf. Sorta just let's you take the lead all the way, always let's you have your way, with no valuable input of his own. You have to shake his shoulders and beg for him to actually speak his mind.

Eagle Flies - He's probably so childish. Like, mommy issues CEO over here. Will probably seek for you to fulfill that role in his life. Has almost no control over his emotions and has trouble identifying them, and when he does indentify them, has absolutely no idea what to do with them in terms of expression. He will make various efforts to communicate with you but will struggle immensely. Being with him will probably be like teaching a man how to experience emotions in a healthy way. I could write an entire post dedicated to what I think his toxic traits are

More eagle flies ones