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#but it's not cause i need an A* in one of my subjects to get into fucking uni
hyperfixingfr · 19 hours
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I'm putting this in the tags for the people who are sending me rude asks. Please do the mature thing and just don't send me nasty things. Thanks.
For the last time since I keep getting nasty fucking asks about it insulting me and calling me names; I am not tryna run none of you people outta this damn fandom and that was never my goal so quit playing victim and pretending I am. This is a fandom for everyone, obviously... Which is why I criticize when you guys treat it like it isn't. I was trying countless times yesterday to drop the conversation when the person arguing with me kept insisting that they had an issue with me talking about an aspect they didn't like, because they were arguing with me over an opinion I had that they didn't like, not over something that mattered. This aspect personally affected me, and many others in the server. This isn't an aspect I enjoy people pretending is cute or funny because it caused very, very real damage to things like body positivity. I don't try to fight with ANYONE here, ever. My entire goal in these situations is to educate when someone believes this is bad behavior by explaining why it's problematic to gloss over this aspect or glorify it when it was a very real issue. Please, ask yourself why you're beefing with a minor. I beg of you. This person had no intention to listen to me, OR the server owner, when we told them that they can have different opinions and simply ignore it if they don't like it. They also ignored the countless attempts at de-escalating the situation, proving they just wanted to argue about it.
I should also mention this person said some really nasty things that implied I was apart of cancel culture, or on the "everything is problematic" bandwagon which is kind of implying they think that criticizing bigotry is wrong, even when it's coming from the minority group it affected. My criticizing of a media is not disliking of a media, nor is it "cancel culture". I am not trying to CANCEL a show from the 2000s. I am merely pointing out its flaws. If you can't handle being apart of a morally flawed show's fandom, don't be apart of it. Not only that, but this person made passive aggressive comments such as "wow you ramble a lot" completely unnecessarily when I was speaking. Why was this needed? I know I do. Why are you trying to insinuate that my passion about the subject is weird? Either way, I wasn't trying to have this fight. They were. This person said a lot of insensitive things to me, claiming I pulled the autism card when I rebuttaled the "wow you ramble a lot" stuff, telling me they had an issue with me merely discussing a topic that was 100% allowed in the server (stated by the server owner, the channel was allowed for criticism), and was overall very passionate about putting me in the wrong for simply pointing out and discussing the flaws of a show because it was brought up. That's not okay and that's incredibly judgy. I dunno why this person can't admit they're wrong, but it's not hard to understand that my criticism is not unwarranted nor is it unwelcome. I did nothing wrong by speaking about it in a channel that directly said criticism was allowed.
Do not play victim when you started the argument AND fueled the argument when people tried to stop it. Simple as. I'm really hoping this person realizes they're wrong and apologizes appropriately like a mature adult, because this is ridiculous. This is such a stupid thing for them to have fought me over and no one's gonna be upset if they just... Did the right thing and apologize. This applies to ANY of you who mess up. If you mess up and realize you've done something you shouldn't have, just apologize man. Especially in a case like this where the person was arguing over "toma-to, tamato-e" or whatever. They didn't like my WARRENTED opinion and they got on my ass about it repeatedly, and I got nothing out of asking them why they held it because their response was basically "you don't like this media how I like it, so you can't possibly like it, get out". Hence, them asking why I'm in a server of fans if I... "Don't like the show". Simply because I criticized an aspect.
Please, if any of you don't believe me, the server is open for the public. You can go in there and see the conversation yourself. I am not hiding myself at all from this, and I'm glad to share evidence that I did just as I said and they did just as I said. This is a stupid fvking argument and any of you still dragging it on should be ashamed for thinking this is worth arguing about. People have opinions, leave it at that. What happened to respecting valid stances?
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jadewritesficshere · 20 days
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Steddie x female!reader thought 18+ only
Eddie blinks his eyes a couple of times to make sure he is actually seeing what he is seeing. He must be living in a nightmare.
You're laying back on one of the pool loungers. One leg dangling over the edge keeping your foot on the warm cement ground, the other spread over Steve's lap as he absently rubs his hand up and down it while he bitches to you about something from work. Your hand rubs up and down Steve's back in comfort. But that isn't the nightmare.
Your bright red bikini bottoms covering enough, but with your legs spread a bit more skin is shown then intended. Spread in such a way that makes Eddie want to just dive in. Get on his knees and worship you, rub his face over your mound as he licks and nips and sucks. Moan as the curly thatch of hair brushes against his face.
Except the curls of hair he is expecting to see peeking around your bikini are gone. Just smooth bare skin. And that isn't the only nightmare. Steve's chest is smooth like when he was in school on the swim team. Not a speck of that beautiful chest hair Eddie would curl into after getting hot and heavy. Not a single curl of the "love rug" he jokingly called it.
Eddie wants to weep. To throw himself down like a little kid and thrash his arms and legs around. Yeah, it's your body and you can do what you want, but he still is sad its gone. Eddie doesn't like change, and suddenly walking in to see both of his partners change something without any warning? Uncomfortable. It makes Eddie feel itchy.
Eddie can barely speak as he walks over and sits next to Steve. He doesn't respond to Steve's warm greeting. Doesn't respond to you asking how the day is. Just stares with big wet eyes at the sight in front of him. A pout on his lips.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Steve's brow furrowed in concern, your wide eyes blinking at him.
"Shaved?" Eddie asks in a quiet voice, eyes darting to Steve's chest and then your clothed pussy. Steve lets out a huff of laughter, "Fuck, thought something was wrong man." Eddie glares," It is."
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feroluce · 1 year
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
#genshin impact#haikaveh#al haitham#kaveh#kavehtham#these two have had me chewing concrete lately god#3.6 got me frothing at the mouth#something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart#and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby-#and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol#and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov#Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help#and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality#and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves#kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self*#al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this#or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other.#two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal#i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this#written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song#'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow'#'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption'#'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in'#'but he couldn't be saved'#'a sadness runs through him'#extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough#my fics#gore#body horror#I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case
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savage-rhi · 2 months
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Magenta 😥
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cult-of-the-eye · 4 months
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHF
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robotsafari · 3 months
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a mind palace’s (unasked for) renovations [DO NOT TAG AS SHIP]
bonus under the cut:
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white mushroom more like “butlershroom.”
anyway. yep! my headcanon is that the mushroom series of heartless were essentially like early versions of ansem. experiments to see if creating a heartless with a will of its own were even possible. (the mushrooms just wanna play charades and go on nice walks! they wont steal your heart because their instincts tell em’ to! they’ll only snatch it if they feel like it <3) how can you make an “immortal” successor if they cant even understand the research you left for them? so thats why they were created!
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#ansem#riku#ansem you cant slutspread infront of the children …#<- in his defense he wasn’t expecting riku to walk in#i feel like ansem craves attention but also wants to be left alone but also wants someone to talk to but also#he loves to ponder about his own existentialism but as soon as hes asked about it he changes the subject#hes been alone for so long and was never allowed to make friends with anyone that he doesn’t understand friendship#perhaps riku will be the one to show him#in short. yes ansem will be getting a redemption arc of sorts. but hes going to be really annoying about it.#his arrogance was his downfall and he loves being an annoying little shit <3#love youuuu 🥰🥰🥰#ansem infodumping but it’s about human experimentation and not a novel series from the hollow bastion library#is a thought thats really funny to me.#also if youre confused about ansem still being in rikus heart. in my rewrite he doesnt ‘die’ in kh2#the blast of light only causes ansem to go dormant until in my dream drop rewrite#‘something’ happens (im not telling) that causes him to reawaken and he attempts to take control again. which ends poorly for ansem#(riku defeats him again)#riku wont get rid of ansem. because he is tied to riku’s darkness. riku claims ansem is going to have to live with this. and that hes#already accepted this fact. ansem just needs to do the same.#so ansem begrudgingly resigns to his fate. but this isnt enough for riku. he wants to do something he never thought he would ever do#maybe his friends are rubbing off on him but. riku wants to see if maybe….. they could be friends? perhaps? this isnt going to work …#.. is it?#you’re grasping for straws here boy. give it up.
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dkettchen · 11 months
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me waking up in a cold sweat at 6:20am: "I should get evening classes to be a hair dresser & training to be a makeup artist to be my own hair/make-up person on photo/video shoots and defy industry's single-gender-dominated-and-not-improving department segregation system like the all-rounder online creator that I am 👀😤"
#I swear I don't have adhd or anything I am just having a professional existential crisis recently x'D#ok but hear me out right like how useful would it be if people could hire someone who's a one-person videographer AND hair/make-up person!#I could like double my asking rate!#you need to do one before you can do the other anyway so why have two people for it#other than that the hair/make-up women don't specialise in photography#and the videographer lads have never touched a cosmetic product let alone knowing how to use it to any level let alone a professional one#AND I'd be able to offer hiring me as either role OR both at once#I'd have more options for jobs to apply to#and I'd have full control over the look I want from my subjects#cause like I do my own hair & make-up for my videos#like I know how to cut my own hair & do my own make-up#but I wanna learn how to do ANYONE'S!!!#and I know you can do hair dressing college evening classes cause I remember that was one of the other evening classes running while I was#doing my electrician's level 2#and I know there's make-up training places in the city I've seen them before while I was looking up other things#if you do professional hair/make-up you need to take pictures of it for your portfolio anyway#and if you professionally take pictures of people you need to do their hair/make-up anyway to get the look you want#SO WHY NOT BOTH for any reason other than gender roles prohibiting the cishets from learning both skills to the required level!!!#THIS IS MY LEG UP#THIS IS MY QUEER NONBINARY TRANS ADVANTAGE#*evil manic laughter*#edit: and smth smth the thing where women & afab ppl don't do their skills to a professional level#unlike cishet men making everything their job and therefore succeeding professionally even in trad-female dominated skills/industries#hence I should LEARN my matr skills to the level required for professional stuff rather than limit myself to patr skills#that I have a disadvantage with due to cishet male-dominated nature of this industry/tech department#AND it'll give me an opportunity to message my detrans previous hairdresser (as I live too far away from her now)#being like 'u were one of my inspirations for this I also wanna learn how to cut mullets real good hope ur doing well T^T' x'D#AND I could apply to screenskills' trainee finder in another department in a few years regardless of whether or not I get in this year#(I applied to the camera one this year)
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aroacesigma · 11 months
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wolpatinga · 1 month
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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scolopendrisims · 8 months
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Should I join the Catholic Church near my house for fun? I mean it
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hubriswest · 5 months
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i think my social life can be perfectly summed up by the group projects where im the only member doing anything
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persimmontartkisses · 5 months
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Found another old painting of mine. Oil paint on a 5"x5" canvas panel. This one is probably 3 years old or so
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rainyraisin · 5 months
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My GCSEs start tomorrow gang wjsihxksjdkd exploding on the spot
I have a performance for PA (which we've BARELY rehearsed btw) and then the lesson after I have a speaking exam for English (that'll be easy though apparently everyone gets distinctions jskxhskfndk)
Then I think Tuesday and Wednesday I'm in art all day doing my final exam so I'm gonna work more on trying to figure out my final piece today
Then from May 9th all the rest of my exams start (I'll probably have another PA exam this Friday though)
Thursday is the only day I'm free JDKSJDKDJ (its also the worst day of school though in terms of lessons so that's just evil/silly)
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chillllii · 5 months
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when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent
#well i'm not fucking talking to you am i#this is not directed at every reader but i think even if you think ''i'm not that bad#chilllli yelps#not everything autism/adhd/audhd does is cool we do annoying shit sometimes and that's just a fact that yall dont wanna hear#it's also ok to make mistakes and it's ok for your brain to have flaws#but also when you interrupt people to say smth that either no one cared to hear. no one was even saying. or fuck maybe someone already said#it. it's a little fucking annoying and when you do it over and over and over and over sometimes people get sick of your shit#you have flaws you are imperfect and your ego will be your social death if you do not learn to allow others to speak#fuck#if people start screaming at me btw cause i said smth that's true i'm blocking and deleting that shit#work on yourself#i also know yall are gonna be like ''oh well *I* never interrupt people and when i do i apologize you should at least do a small self evalua#just a small ''well do i listen to my friends very well? do i listen to the conversation i am a part of?"#also to yall who go into discord calls and lurk but sometimes talk think ''when i speak is it actually relevant to some extent?#or if you REALLY wanna talk about it it's ok just try to find a way to segway into what you wanna talk about cause that's how conversations#work.#i dont really expect this post to go anywhere tbh i'm just kinda frustrated cause i know a lotta neurodivert people who do this and idk how#say that interrupting people is annoying and disrespectful cause i know the brain chemical gets excited when it has smth it wants to talk-#about#i love you and i want you to tell me things. i also want to say things and when you talk over me to tell me things it comes off as you not#giving a fuck what i or others even are saying cause you're taking over the conversation with your shit that's irrelevant and no one has-#mentioned#idk i think i'm tired of seeing people be disrespected all the time but not knowing a polite way to tell them that they need to wait their-#turn to speak and when it's appropriate to change the subject
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Perverse intrusive thoughts manifesting themselves in dreams is the actual worst.
#Especially with the timing of this one#Brain… have some fucking respect for the dead#ugh ugh ugh#[throws up]#The worst thing is I’m so used to them that I barely feel disgusted anymore#I’m not sure if I can properly tag this as OCD anymore because I’ve kind of kicked the worst of it with incidental exposure therapy#and straight up ignoring everything until it went away like a petulant child’s attention-seeking behavior#At one time this would have distressed me about one hundred times more than it is right now#Like if I still do have it: it’s more in the form of “just right” in which I talk to myself in the mirror#and constantly correct my sentence structure and say the same things over and over again so it comes out “normal sounding”#but that could just be scripting too??? so idk#I mean talking to myself in the mirror is pretty disruptive when I need to go to sleep (the mirror is across from my bed)#or generally do things#but it’s kind of a fun activity#The activity itself does not cause me distress and it’s pretty useful sometimes#I use what I’ve said to myself in the mirror in real conversation; my speech is smoother and less choppy as a result#Because if I don’t plan what I want to say; I get so hung up on certain details that I fuck up the chronological order of events#This way I have an outline if anyone mentions certain subjects#Plus I can vent and be ugly (uglier than I am on here) and no one gets hurt#I also vent on here because I don’t have a captive audience; people can choose not to read it#It’s impersonal#It’s my thoughts and feelings with my presence removed from the situation so no one is locked into conversation#vent post
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gregmarriage · 1 year
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truly my last relationship taught me so much. it also instilled in me some things i’m still unlearning. like, how most people won’t get mad if you accidentally fall asleep without saying goodnight (and not replying to messages, because i’m literally asleep), or freak out if you stop replying for like five minutes. like, i couldn’t do anything i enjoyed bc she’d be like ‘um, what fuck are you doing? why aren’t you answering me?!!!’ like relax, i’m literally just showering. it was truly a case of sitting still unless i wanted to upset her. and then i STILL somehow upset her and i never really knew why. but, hey, that relationship ended a long time ago, i should be fine now, right? 😐
#it’s literally been like five years and i still wake up sometimes like ‘oh god i didn’t say goodnight! oh god i didn’t reply back to that#person’s message!’ when said person doesn’t care one bit#it’s just cause that relationship was so crazy that it made ME crazy and i’m beginning to realise that yeah i still carry some shit from it#literally that relationship is the entire reason i’ve been single all this time and why i’m trying to be emotionally mature etc#bc that relationship ending gave me a smack around the head that said something needs to change’#bc the way i was before is the reason i was in that relationship and in that situation in the first place#and that relationship ending and trauma and shit separate from that made me get really romance repulsed for a while#still am sometimes tbh#pretty much permanently in a state of ‘yeah i need look after myself’ for the last five years#and idk when that would open up to me being in a new relationship#idk i really just need to not rush anything with anyone and just take things slow and see where they go#have fun in the meantime#bc my past few relationships have been really intense#especially the last one as i said#and i fully don’t have the time or energy for anything hardcore currently#so if there’s anyone at some point they must be prepared to wait for em and court me like we’re victorian lovers#you must wait three years untill we kiss for the first time bc i truly don’t know the timeframe for when i’d wanna do anything i’ll be#honest imaooooo#but yeah romance is a complicated subject for me#i’m literally a hopeless romantic but the thought of romance lately truly just makes me feel gross#like in theory yeah i wanna kiss someone but in actual practice i’m like get away from me!#idk i’m on the road to bulilding healthy relationships#romantic especially bc i really can’t go back to how i used to be#sorry to disappoint anyone imaoooo#but nah anyways people who want to get close to me and be my friend has to be cool with my boundaries i set up#and sometimes forget about even tho they’re my own boundaries bc i’m silly like that#could do casual stuff but i really don’t think i’m the type for that imao#and even that sets off the same alarms in my head so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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