#but its funny that i wouldnt take a picture like that of myself!

[deadwweiight]

two versions cause... i am an indecisive ass

a self portrait! or so.. think i bet too high on this, the outfit is real but this might look too good. I guess that's the point tho, hAHH!

something i didn't mention on insta was that: the fact that her eyes look like butterfly wings was done unintentionally at first but i kept it bc my real name means 'butterfly' so i found it funny, like a wink to myself, if i will! HAHSHSH

just me being hilarious (ofc)🪼

[widevibratobitch]

do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol

[nyx-is-missing]

hello! Can you write a Clarisse La Rue x reader where they met before Clarisse got sent to camp halfblood when they were little and were best friends then Clarisse left for camp with no explanation then years later reader goes to camp and sees Clarisse for the first time in years and it’s kinda awkward but cute

thanks :)

This is kinda long sooorrry, to help, the part where she gets to camp (kinda) will be in green

Girls on film 📷

Clarrise la rue x fem!reader

Warnings and explanations: bad words (take the kids out of the living room she swears) gender is specified cause it was written as wlw, but it doenst actually makes a diference, fluff, like two sentences, there is a kiss in the picture but they dont actually kiss sorry.

Unspecified parent gender for both sides so yall can pick wichever

Trying not to kill myself.

That was what i was doing 15 hours ago, just as any normal teenagers living (or as i prefer saying fighting for the soul to stay on the body) during finals week.

In my room there was nothing but piles and piles of normal work, piles for extra credit, piles of old quizzes to try to get me prepared for the new ones and a dumb incomplete project for photography class that was due tomorrow.

Okay ill admit, i had a month to make that, and all i needed to do was shoot pictures, but that was the problem, i prefer taking pictures of people, their emotions, whatever they might be, just never ceases to amaze me.

And my dumb project made take pictures of....landscapes.

Not too bad, if i had any actual real talent for that type of photography, but i dont, every picture gets ruined somehow, its the lightning, the lack of it, my camera falls, gets full of dirt and i get so mad that i just give up.

That whole speach was necessary for me to explain what i was doing 14 hours ago, and that would explain what i was doing 5 minutes ago.

14 hours ago i decided to shoot the photos, i could try many times before it got dark, and if o was lucky enough i wouldnt go insane before the golden hour, and could actually get some nice pictures.

I grabbed my totte bag taking with me only the necessary, camera stuff, the camera, some snacks and my notebook to upload the pictures before i went mad.

13 hours ago i was running to save my life.

And do you know that moment went you go through so much your mind decides to erase it?

That happened, now, what i do remember, i was sitting in a bench by a calm road not too far from the town, i had got some actually good pictures, some of me, some of the trees, some of a butterfly, maybe three cars had passed by since i was there, driving slowly, always saying hi and doing a thumbs up, normal, friendly people from the town.

And then i heard a noise that shook the trees.

I remember seeing something, but never what, i remember running to home as fast as i could, feeling my heartbeats in my neck, i remember the noise, but the people in the streets looked at me like there was nothing behind me and i went crazy

I remember getting home, having a desperate talk with my parent while they got my suiticase ready, and i dont remember a single word.

I remember a funny looking guy my age that got to my house, with goat legs and a more desperate look, and i remember one last hug before i left.

And thats all, aside from a hell of a lot of running nobody cares.

Aparently i passed out from shock or exaustion because i woke up in a unknown place, at night, in a hospital bed, with no actual doctors other than 15 year olds teenagers.

And a horseman standing in the corner, with quite a intelectual look actually.

And let me tell you guys that after the talk we had, if somebody told me i would marry queen Elizabeth within 4 days, i would just belived it.

Because nothing ever in my life would ACTUALLY beat up the level of crazyness of finding out i DO have another parent, they are just, A FUCKING GOD. GREEK. GODS. AH.

Then, after telling me my whole life was in fact, a big fat lie, the horseman... left.

Telling me i should sleep in the infirmary this night for precaution and that he was going to get me to a cabin tomorrow.

Like that was the most normal thing to ever happen to a human, he said goodnight and left.

While i sat there just trying to...basically form a sentence that wasnt "for fucks sake what the fuck was that"

I would have loved to say that i did slept that night, dreaming about glory and greek myths but that did not happened, at all.

I walked around the infirmary for hours, opening every cabinet and trying to make my mind to something, i searched for my stuff, and thankfully found my camera, with some pictures i hadnt noticed i had taken, one specific had a blurred thing in the forest.

When the first rays of sunlight appeared i got dressed, and decided that, in order to prove to myself (and probably to the mental hospital afterwards) i was not insane, i needed proof that i was actually living, actually there, being a demigodess, thats what they called.

Very few people were up already, and i did received some weird looks, it was clear nobody knew me, that was fine, i didnt knew anybody either.

I walked around taking some pictures, sometimes getting lost, but everything amazed me, the forest, the cabins, the stables, i found the entrance to a beach too, and then i got to the training area, aparently, i stayed far away, god forbid i woke up from this nightmare with a spear in my head, oh no, that would be bad.

Openning my camera i zoomed in the people, my speciality, it was sweet, seeing them trully smile, and not pretend for the picture, it was a genuine feeling the camera would keep forever, i zoomed around other peoples faces, but my camera focused on a face i could never forget, and she looked back at me, and realized i was there, but not that i was me, because she came towards me with a angry look.

Ill admit, the look scared me as hell, so much i tried to pretend i was never taking pictures of her, i slightly changed the angle and kept my face hidden behind the camera.

Do i need to say that did not fucking worked? No? Thank you.

"Who the fuck do you think you are taking random pictures of pe-"

She yanked my camera off of me mid sentence and stopped completely, looking like she had seen a ghost for some seconds.

"(Y/n)?"

"Clari?"

"How- what are you doing here!?"

She asked, with a worried look, still kind of confused, she did this look since we were little girls, and for a moment i had a big deja vu.

Two little girls running around, playing all day, telling each other secrets and stories, running to hug each other eveytime they were close, i still saw that girl in her eyes, but by her previous look, she did not.

"What am i doing here? What are YOU doing here? One day you dissapear without a trace, and your family said you went to a new school even though it was the summer, and now i find you sparring with a spear? You are that too? A demigoddes, i mean?"

I spoke fast, nervous, as if my time in the world with her would end just as it did once.

Instead of responding me right away, clarisse did something that maybe would scare every single soul she knew in the past years.

She hugged me. Hard.

Breathing me in, and not letting me go exactly as you would expect of someone who hasnt seen me in years.

"I couldnt tell you anything... it wouldnt be safe...im sorry, i missed my friend... i missed you."

I just looked at her for some seconds, and then hugged her again, this time i was the one making it extra tight, i was the one going insane by the reconforting smell of her shampoo, praying that she couldnt feel my heartbeats against her chest, and how strong they were.

"Just.. dont leave me again okay? And ill forgive you, i promisse"

[alicethepiper]

im back idk how long it's been time makes no sense and also ive been on a stardew kick, but i made myself play some separate ways because its fun but also im a litttttttle bit inebriated so dare i say, playing was not as easy as it usually is

this bitch scared the shit out of me, i hate this bitch, me and all my homies hate this bitch she ruined my vibe i was so chill until she showed up

also say hi to the new fit

oof get grabbed (look at her HAIRRRR)

lol this is funny (also i got the jacket and, sadly, sold it)

eepy time

eepy time part 2

it's giving the shaky bridge part of the first shrek movie

grabby hook make ada go uppies

this bitch is giving helga the human slayer

she so cool slay

she's so COOL

points gun at you

ahhhhhhhhh luis is such a good guy i love him

he's on the phone with leon, tell leon i said hi pls and to pic up mcbonalds on the way hme pls i want chikmken nuggets

i love him can he be my little buddy for the whole dlc

naurrrrrrrrrr luis i love you youre such a good guy

gwarsh i love this guy he cares so much he has his little empathy shoes on. good thing he doesn't die because i wouldnt be able to handle that 0.0

she so slay (did i already say that)

i need to play this game when im not not-sober because its kinda hard im not gonna lie but it also makes me laugh im not very good at it right now ha ha

also my screenshot thingy is like broken?? like i press the button and drag my mouse in like a rectangle and take a screenshot but now it's not working and so i have to press my windows key to minimize it and then take a screenshot and its hella annoying because i want to take pictures of everything

mods i used (i forgot originally my bad i was drunk that's my excuse):

Valerie's Outfits - RE Resistance - Ada Wong - Glitch (Glitch5970) Luis Classic Color Theme - TrieuPham Punisher Color Collection Four Types - CrossingFN9 AKA HANAREIKO

[lovphobic]

10 13 20 26 38 and 49 for all of them, or if not, whoever you want to yell about most (^:<

SO MANY!! (explodes)

10. What kind of jokes make them laugh?

sildraste: in my head i imagine her as a very stoic person. closed off and reserved. no vulnerability. but thats not... necessarily true? she'd probably like.. jokes that dont really make a great deal of sense, or jokes we think are absurd. think feeding the donkey a fig and washing it down with wine :') - thalya: she is VERY pure of heart. and very childish. almost every good natured joke will make her laugh. knock knock. whos there. owls. owls who. yes they do. (loud, from the heart laughter. knee slapping) - morant: it is SO hard to make her laugh. it has to be a GENUINELY funny, original joke. she takes herself too seriously sometimes - valdys: she'll laugh at someone tripping on the sidewalk (not out of meanness) and also "deez nuts". she's like.. the other side of thalya in a way. except shes more immature than childish LMAO

13: Describe your character's typical wardrobe for the regular day

OK so i am NOT great at describing clothes myself, so this is going to be very image heavy

sildraste: i have been workshopping her outfit for two years now.. and i still dont really know. im kind of tinkering w the idea of her being more feminine presenting? not sure how i feel about it just yet bc, as i said, i cant facking think of outfit ideas. anyways, that being said: outside of the Usual Dnd Chaos And Battle, like.. After her story is said and done. i guess i could see her in something like this for sure. DURING her story.. i hope u do not mind me not using my entire brain for this one question and instead using an existing picture... but something like this maybe! - thalya: pre sildraste it was something like this for sure, just replace the skirt for whatever the dnd equivalent of jeans would be LMAO. but post sildraste i can imagine it as something like this. i can definitely see her reverting to pre after everything is said and done though :^) - morant: you know, for a character that is pretty much my self insert.. my mary sue... she does not dress like me at all! shes very dark colors, slacks and long jackets/cloaks. think this and this. i hate to say it but shes definitely d*rk ac*dem*a. - valdys: MODERN 70s!!!!!! COLORS. BELL BOTTOMS. FLARE SLEEVES. LIKE THIS!!!! she is the only one i know FOR SURE. shes definitely modern, like what we'd wear today. but w the SPICE and FUN of the 70s

20: Does your character have a comfort item?

sildraste: oh you KNOW its thalya's necklace. as destructive as it is (which she doesnt. like. Know.) its definitely her comfort item - thalya: i think either she doesnt have one, or she is a bit too new for me to have figured an answer out! so, right now, she does not! - morant: dagger :) i havent figured out the importance yet, but its there - valdys: in direct mirrorage of morant.. there is ZERO importance at all to her item. she just thinks its neat and it brings her happiness. her chicken plushie. i imagine it looking something like this. this answer may change in the future but it is what it is for now!

26: Are they an animal person? Do they have pets?

sildraste and morant i wouldnt say are animal people. they Like animals, but i cant see them owning one. i could only see them owning a pet if its co-owned with their respective partner

thalya is DEFINITELY an animal person. she may have been a jeweler's apprentice but she also spent a fair bit of time with the farm animals of the town, helping out and being a general ray of sunshine always. no pets though, currently - valdys would have a cat 100%. one of those stupidly fluffy white ones that shed like a motherfucker. this cat. specifically.

38: How does your character unwind after a long day?

sildraste: ngl she probably gets wasted. it is what it is. always been like that. get her some therapy - thalya: quite the opposite. probably takes a nice bath. rose petals if the day was especially long/hard. - morant: she doesnt. she just goes to bed - valdys: most of her "long" days come from her mothers bullshit. she makes little imaginary vlogs for her imaginary audience alone in her room which 100% consist of what would be called trauma dumping. JGHDKJGHDK

49: What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational?

sildraste: funny that. its losing thalya. LOL. shes a very rational person for the most part though. despite everything - thalya: she definitely has fears.. but how do you in sound mind have fears when you were this close to being dead. in comparison that makes whatever fear(s) she has seem so infinitesimal. her most irrational though is probably just.. being hated. nobody hates her. shes not a hateable person. which in itself is... something to think about. how can a person have Nothing to dislike. what are you hiding. what are you compensating for. - morant: dying <3 but i think valdys is her irrational fear FKJSDHFJKSAHFUIASHJFKSDH. morant "HATES" her and thinks valdys also hates her. but valdys is stupid pining. morant though. thinks she is plotting to murder her in her sleep. there is miscommunication here unfortunately. she is stupid - valdys: shes pretty fearless i wont lie. but the answer would probably be being misunderstood. she doesnt always come off on the right foot. but shes earnest. her irrational fear though..

ok i cant think of anything. so sorry. but i got to the end and this is the only one i said "hard give up" on. so please applaud me

[movies-i-watched-this-week]

week 1 (9.01 - 15.01)

hello and welcome to the blog, this experience will be my experiment as well as documentation for myself of movies i had watched or rewatched

since most of the movies will have rating and brief review, im hoping you'll find a motion picture that interests you as well

- District 9 , 4.5/5

this week was a sci-fi mood, and district 9 is a one of a kind classic in its category. this movie can be described as a subversive expectations for an alien sci-fi movie and feels unique with its takes. a masterpiece of its kind with wonderful acting

- Snowpiercer , 4/5

dystopian sci-fi, with a very interesting concept to it (in result of ice age, humanity is forced to shelter in a never stopping train). the sgi isn't perfect and it does look like the indie movie at times, but i cant say i did not enjoy its imaginative (tiny) world and diverse characters, which the movie isn't afraid to kill no warning ahead.

- Puss in Boots: The Last Wish , 4.5/5

animation adventure comedy, had to rewatch it for the second time after watching a phone cinema recording two weeks ago for the animation of course. but also because this movie is a pleasure to experience, the story flows perfectly and no character (despite being a lot of them) is left behind in development. im happy for dreamworks to release such unique in their style movies lately.

- The Road , 4.5/5

post-apocalyptic drama, i felt like this movie is targeted towards a specific niche, if you arent interested in post-apocalyptic world building, you will find this movie boring. and since i love that stuff, this movie won me over, and not only with the genre but also with its two wonderful main characters (father and son). a melancholic, peaceful masterpiece.

- Tarzan , 4.5/5

hmhm, i only now watched this wonderful animated classic for the first time. watch it if you never did

-Tangled , 5/5

rewatched it for 30th time, and the first time in english. sometimes when i watch a movie i begin to think how did the writers think of such plot or this or that, and i just can never figure out how one Wrote Tangled, as funny as that sounds. simply a classic must-watch.

- Velma , 2/5

ye, tv series, cartoons, shows count. in time of writing this, the series has only 2 episodes and i cant say i liked them, but probably didnt dislike them as much as everyone else. its.. fine? i wouldnt recommend it but i found some really funny lines and jokes so its not 1 out of 5. and to the criticism that this show is a disgrace to the scooby doo legacy, as a scooby doo cartoons fan i did not have that feeling at all. although true, it shouldve had its own original characters since some of the jokes built for the characters come out awkward

also since its the first post it will break the rules a little and mention all the movies i watched since the beginning of 2023 that i highly recommend:

- Funny Pages (!!!)

- Glass Onion

- Knives Out

- Entergalactic (!!!)

- Cyberpunk: Edgerunners

- Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

- Aftersun (!!!)

bye

[canidfeline]

i still do not like suzan

she is a pitiful person and is generally dislikeable. as an example if you (you as in you, yourself, kleo) talk about exams, she says yeah and then makes it about herself

i do not avoid responsibility here as i do this sometimes but i hope it is known that i try to do it as a sign of me trying to relate/comfort or whatever. but i do admittedly do it

she also doesn't truly care for us because if she did she wouldnt try going to other people every time she has appearance issues. i know she addressed this when i confronted her but that was honestly a half-arsed attempt to clear up a drama i was tired of. back to suzans addressing of it, i am aware its for attention and i am thankful she is aware of it but she continues to do it.

she only cares for herself. every time she joins vc or is in a conversation she streams or makes it about herself. quite literally last time me and lily were in vc she joined immediately and started streaming BEFORE HER MIC EVEN WORKED

she brings up me saying the n word in 2020 yet said it in a genuinely nasty way to lily less than a month ago (which i applaud you for actually noticing and telling her off for)

says she wants more irl friends and is lonely and yet never tries to pursue them or make an effort to not be lonely

i will use milena as an example for how little she cares about the people around her

called her a downy and said something about cutting her wrists (unprompted and without context) and when milena was upset and ran away, she made it all about herself.

here i will quote: ''I messed up and is aid something mean without thinking to Milena and she left the school crying and now im scared she won’t want to be friends anymore so im literally crying in the school bathroom''

SHE is literally crying in the school bathroom. she's scared of losing a friend of hers for the reason that it will hurt her, not the fact that she made someone run crying out of school

and she insulted you when you tried helping which is NOT ON

quote again: ''I called her a downy and said something about cutting without knowing she’d take it to heart and she left the school and hour later with tears and then my friend told me what was wrong about what I said and my form teacher did too so now I’m scared for my behavioral grade and shit I texted Milena trying to explain myself and she only saw one part. im scared they’ll contact my mom and my mom will lash out at me. i feel so horrible''

she doesn't feel bad for milena (she had to be explained what was wrong to her by a friend) she is afraid about HER BEHAVIOURAL GRADE and her mother lashing out at her (which for once would be for good reason)

she isn't scared about losing milena as a person, she is scared of losing someone to lean on for encouragement, reliance and reassurance, and attention. that is how she views her friends (including us)

is overtly sexual while claiming to be asexual a year after claiming to be hypersexual

uses you as a cover

says slurs every time someone brings up lgbtq+ and says the t-slur every time or the f-slur (not saying i havent, although she uses it way more than me). called lily the n-word in a genuinely mean way (the one i said before that you noticed and confronted her about, yet she said to me ''i said it and kleo got onto me it was weird'' when it was deserved)

uses pictures of me saying the n word to make fun of me WHICH WAS FOUR YEARS AGO AND YOU HAVE ADMITTED I HAVE CHANGED UNBELIEVABLY IN THAT TIME. i admit i said it, but she has said it way way waywaywayway more times than me and i never used the hard r

she thinks slurs are funny and something to be made fun of (i have used them in comedic context but i mean she finds the idea of them funny)

lily also told me that when you told her off (rightfully) for saying the hard r, she says quote: ''FUCK HEEEEEEEELP HEEEELP MEEEEEEE. its so over bro kleos angry''

she thinks she is always in the right and by running to lily in dms she clearly wanted someone to back her up and go ''oh isnt this hilarious its just a joke''

i do not like her and she is a genuinely bad and pitiful person

[black-rosewolf66]

So here we are post second of my shity life posts if you arent curious just scroll past it…and if you are with a high emphaty im sure you may not want to read this so believe me dont read it^^

So after she told me a bunch of amazing compliments about how i should just go fuck a bunch of guy until im old and then come back to bdsm i was surprised she seemed calmer..i never thought she had some mental issues too and i was the one getting scolded for having any issues in life…

The sarcasm of life she then tells me she had panic attack in the pasts and insomnia too and she still has because the two hour sleep she has cant be called sleeping at all…

Now we calm down she starts to chat on her phone make phone calls i on the other hand watch the sunset, smoke some cigarette,drink the tea i brought with myself…

Then the children arrives with her father we greet them…i start to wish i could just vanish as im an outsider and im clearly someone she wouldnt have pictured in his fathers home…

But we had a fun time she was drinking with us i could finally speak with someone i thinked she liked me because at the and she was really drunk but she sayed goodbye to me at least three times…and she tried to protect me from her parents who where drunk as well…well it was funny watching another household fight and then trying to reconcile than have fun and then being drunk as i was the only one not offered alcohol (what i dont mind at all) ohh well it was cute she gave me a gulp from her vodka when i mentioned i only drink homemade wine…😂and when she saw me smoke she offered a couple of her cigaretts and after her last goodbye she said i should smoke a cigarette for her too because as we all know she wouldnt smoke for a few days for sure because of her parents😂

Well i had fun until she went home but that was the best decision she was drunk and she shouldnt have been there in the first place anyway…so they walked her home and i stayed behind in the house for a few minutes then they arrived and there we were the akward silence…the usual they speak i look around sometimes they ask me things but i cant answer them so they just make fun of me…but well i cant say it out loud that i was laughing at him tripping over his legs because he was drunk and i found this new side of him cute…he is my dominant and we are kinda in a role already…and i knew it would have been ridiculed by her only…

But then i started to have a headache…i walked to my bag because i remembered that i have a pill there for it because i get headahces a lot now that my glasses broke a month ago or so…but as i was about to take one i hear him call me i answer that im near my bag he asks me to go there so i drop whats in my hand and walk there as i get in their sight he commands me to crawl not walk so i do as he says i drop on my knees and begin crawling towards them…i stop when im only a meter away from them as usually because i dont like breaking the personal space before asking non verbally…but he asks me to come closer i confusedly walk in closer but i dont like the tension there i started to have a bad feeling…she comands me to suck him…well im confused as i already said to him that im not good with giving head and i want that to be respected….but regardless i do as she says because i know im under her if we are playing and she was clearly the most dominant in that room at that time…then they start to verbally fight about me about why i have this relationship with him what did he think when he wanted this…i stopped and looked at them concerned at why are they fighting and how its not the correct time and not the correct way…but then she firmly commands me to continue i look at him if he wants it and then he asks me to as who asked me to stop so i give in and continue…i try to please him as much as i can so atleast he wont suffer that much or i dont know what i was thinking i knew this was the only think i could do for him because i would never jump in an argument, never,be it whoever they want even if i love that human…but then she starts to verbally dagrade me…saying that whats this shitty child the thing he wanted he wanted someone to play with not this damaged thing…she almost say slut at me so she even stuttered at her words…thats when i stopped i felt like throwing up i felt like i was stupid for being there what the hack was i doing there when i should clearly escape the situation i should express my gratitude in leaving them or defending him not with sucking him off like as i was told to do…i am a human too and i have my own limits too and being verbally degraded by a someone who doesnt even know me is one of it…its a huge fucking hard limit so when she commands me shrieking with anger to continue i refuse i say the firmest no i could in that moment…i was trembling as i was feeling dominated and i had internal fights with my own submissive self…then she grabs me by the hair..on top of my head not in a gentle and professional way( like you know the whole hair from the bottom so you dont suffer damage) nah just what she could grab with her fist and her nails…forcing my head on it,him geting defensive too as he was grabed by the dick and forced into my mouth as i didnt want to bite him or harm him i let her do it and when i felt her releasing me i jumped back and yelled her name…mortified because he knew i was…well you know…forced to do it before too and i had a pretty bad memory from it…like it….it damaged me…so you know…it was a soft limit of mine because i know i could get over with it if we take measures for a panick attack and if he keeps me calm…well anyway as i yelled her name she snapped back from that angry self. she looked mortified too maybe she realised too what she did i dont know..dont know what they spoke about me..if he mentioned this or not…as they were the one negotiating the scenes so far and last time i backed away before having anything like this happen…so yeah i was looking at a tiny damaged part of the wall trying to get myself together not having an attack as they continued to fight and then stayed silent then we went to bed…she disappears on the early mornings as usually and the next morning just the two of us was better…much much better…im still in a shock of what happened…but i know for sure i have to speak with him about never leting myself dominated by anyone else because i wont trust them anymore if he is the only one negotiating…but im still worried and still in shock…im confused…again

[faintlyof]

dr tiktok and dr google making me research POTS a bit >>

i mean, i wouldn’t say that omg i definitely have POTS, but i really don’t think it’s normal the barf/get extremely nauseous/get so light-headed and dizzy i have to sit down/pass out after being a little too warm a little too long. ツ

like it’s been like this since i was little. i can literally name every time its happened cuz i actively avoid to things that may make me hot like that.

first one i remember, camping at an rv park when i was like 7 or 8. my family all went in the hot tub, so i did too (yeah i was probably a bit too young anyways but what happened next surprised everyone! xD) but i ended up getting out of the tub after about 2 minutes because i started to feel nauseous. proceeded to spend the rest of the night vomiting. ツ actively avoided hot water for a while. it was also around this time that we had to write diaries for school and in one of my entries i had drawn a picture of a frowny me at a doctor saying “I‘m sick” and the diary entry was something like “I love water! It’s really good! But I don’t like drinking hot water. It makes my tummy hurt.” so yeah, there’s that too.

in high school, my choir went on a trip for a competition, so i was probably 16 or 17. a bunch of the girls wanted to go in the hot tub, so i kind of reluctantly followed them. sat in the hot tub for about a minute before telling my friends i wanted to swim in the pool instead, but actually, i was starting to get that cold sensation of nausea ツ went back to avoiding hot water

at my first job in japan, so i was probably around 23 or so, after many students harped on how awesome it is to take baths, i decided to very very carefully try to take a bath. i drank a big glass of cool water before, filled the tub with lukewarm water and left the bathroom door open so it wouldnt get too hot in the room. sat there for the most stressful 5 minutes of my life. mostly felt anxious i would be barfing for hours, but didnt actually feel too bad. stayed sitting in the tub and let the water drain out around me and only when the tub was nearly empty, i stood up. immediately my vision went grey around the edges and i felt faint and then i passed the fuck out. ツ went back to avoiding hot water but now also avoiding warm water. xD

and the most recent time, which doesnt actually involve water for once! yippee! got on the train to go to work in winter. it had snowed recently and it was quite cold, so i was wearing my winter coat and scarf and the train had the heaters going. maybe a minute or so after the doors closed and we started moving, i began feeling that cold, creeping overheating neasea feeling. i was already standing, so i leaned against the frame of the door so when the door opened, the cool air would hit me and toughed it out, slightly untying my scarf and unbuttoning my coat. when i arrived at my station, i was so light headed, i literally threw myself onto a bench on the platform and took off my scarf and coat and literally just chilled in a short sleeve shirt for like 5 minutes until i felt well enough to go up the stairs and get to work. ツ literally terrified all winter every winter that this will happen again because i do not want to be the person who passes out on the train.

then in general, when i try exercising, i get really sweaty and shaky like really fast. i can do like a low impact cardio workout for like 10 minutes max before i start to get shaky and start feeling a bit queasy. and omg if im watching a funny movie or talking to a friend and getting excited or laughing a lot, my lips go kind of numb and prickly and i cant really control them?? a bit in the fingertips as well. i dont know if thats related but laughing/being excited/whatever is kind of an intense activity soooo

so yeah, that’s why i’m curious about this whole POTS thing cuz the it gets worse in heat thing is a symptom that ive heard about pretty frequently.

or maybe im just weird. xD anyways, 10 minute lukewarm shower life v(n.n;)

[ventingoutmyass]

11.23.22

yes, yes, the halloween job was as cool as I wanted it to be. It brought up some very dangerous reminders of a certain very dangerous person, and in the form of a new much-more-dangerous person. But since the job has ended, I’ve remained pretty out of touch, and their favoritism toward me has left my field of vision. 

other than that though, the job was all around wonderful. Great people and a pretty easy job. I haven’t experienced horrendous physical effects of dire financial stress in almost two months, and my hips are loving the new stretch I found about two weeks ago. 

all around, not too bad. 

i’ve opted out of christmas gift exchange this year, and although few people are actually choosing to respect that, the mental stress of the holidays has been the biggest weight off my shoulders this time of year since elementary school. So that’s a bit funny of an experience, not one im sure whether I like yet or not.

I am, at this moment, not doing bad. The job kept me just busy enough, just exhausted enough, made me just enough money, that i’m sat at pretty much the perfect spot I could be in. 

Trying to mingle back into my online friends has proved a bit more unnatural than I had expected, since i’d distanced myself pretty much completely since I had that job. getting a new job, I knew something would give. I felt lucky enough that what was sacrificed didnt impact my physical well-being as what uually does, but the mental anguish did take some toll. its all about that **human connection** nonsense. calling it nonsense, is nonsense. I like my friends. I like them so much, actually. 

I’m having a hard time accepting that i’m their friend too. ya know, the whole fear of perception and rejection dysphoria, thing. it’s not the end of the world if they know what i sound like, right? it cant be. i dont know. its so much easier when im a green name on a screen, versus a voice that i hate to hear anyway, let alone the pictures i sometimes want to send, because they’re my friends and i want to share my life with them, but im too terrified to share myself with them.

they’re my friends, they like who they know i am, who ive chosen to show them. they wouldnt hate me if we met in real life. they care about me, at least my well-being, at least on some surface level. they probably care about me more than most close friends i’ve known in real life. still it took three weeks to ask over my disappearance, but i know thats my dumb brain doing its dumb things.

well, sure i didnt talk to my friends for over a month. sure, im still not quite back into the routine i had before to talk to them everyday, but i do think about them, and i care for them, and i always hope their days are better than mine. because they deserve as much, they’re such wonderful people.

anyway, since the job only lasted five weeks, and i was only working about 25 hours those weeks, the energy i took from seeing my friends somehow managed to be enough. I still slept pretty good, I ate pretty much fine. I showered just as often, if not more. and it got me a bit active, which i hadnt realized was as bad as it was. the scarring on my feet is not going away any time soon. 

and i can afford groceries, have I mentioned that? I bought groceries for the last time in like,, eight months?? something like that. it’s nice, ive even bought myself underwear. havent bought myself underwear since high school. 

happy thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. if not, good. the food sucks, and obv its a terrible holiday anyway. thanks for listening. thanks for being here. shoutout to my internet besties, yall keep me going. you make me feel like i can belong somewhere. thank you <33 -rcp

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

me: *has a less-than-a-minute gap where im not actively avoiding thinking about or questioning some aspect of my identity*

brain: aw yeah. realization time.

[snowglobegays]

avoiding the mountains of schoolwork i have to do by stalking my old selfie tag. who llet me post like that. some of those angles. what was it hinking. screaming and crying.

[wiihtigo]

karamatsu.. for the ask game thing

send me a character and i’ll list:

hi rj (wave emoji)

favorite thing about them

i love cringefail guys. i love funnypathetic guys. he was my favorite when i first watched the show and hes still my favorite now. Umm its literally his gap moe swag i think its so funny and cute when he drops his cool guy facade for a moment bcuz he gets scared or awkward or sth/ the karamatsu the the brothers skit kind of sums up everything i like about karamatsu (hes really nice to his precious family, hes too timid to say no to people so he gets taken advantage of, how he acts like a BITCH at the end and instantly throws choro under the bus, him wailing on the roof about how much he wants to kill them (his precious family)). to condense my answer its because hes funny.

least favorite thing about them

that one part in mt takao where he held the audience captive and bent over seductively and the shot held on his ass for like 3 full seconds

favorite line

i quote these in real life pretty often

brOTP

like i mentioned in the oso post i really like choukei and also kinniku but i have to give a special shoutout to IRO i was so obsessed with the ichimatsu incident it does so much for ichimatsus character being that your first peek into his inner monologue is just constant anxious screaming. and also since ichimatsu has been shown to be particularly harsh and evil towards karamatsu the revelation that he actually secretly looks up to his big brother and thinks hes COOL? and then karamatsu covering for him when he has every right to use this as a way to get revenge for how ichimatsu treats him all the time..but ofc he wouldnt do that he loves him precious brothers..and ichi is like WHY IS HE BEING SO NICE I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF. OR HIM .Well theyre my friends. i just really really love the dynamic of really loud openly affectionate guy and his severely autistic hates being talked to breathed on touched brother who tells him to die every day and him just being like "i understand brother. i love you too (visible sparkles)" and gets a piano thrown at his head. And then when he gets drunk hes overcome with the urge to feed karamatsu whatever hes got in his hand because hes so starving hes going to die if he doesnt eat right NOW karamatsu you have to eat Pleeeease im tryign to help you karamatsu youre my brother i love you eat this water

aside from the brothers i think him and totoko are besties

OTP

i like karabita :)

also him and the convenience store owner he fell in love with in the lawyer drama cd

nOTP

cant think of anyone

random headcanon

he has a little daughter named Hoshi

unpopular opinion

i guess just the general karamatsu angst sadstuck. i dont think we need to call cps on this 20-somethng year old because he was a victim of cartoon violence

song i associate with them

baby im a star - prince the most karamatsu song of all time. just take a listen

owner of a lonely heart - yes the next most karamatsu song of all time.

who do you want to be - oingo boingo these are all songs on my friends kara playlist but THIS ONE . was a koby suggestion. just look at the lyrics and hold my hands and understand

favorite picture of them

[diadraws]

What's your inspiration for ur art?? :0

oopsie this got really long cuz i have a lot to say.. sorry!!! thanks for the opportunity to talk for a bit though haha.

honestly, i wanna say "everything" ... i'm very single track minded, so whenever im doing something my brain is always going "okay, but how can i USE this for art" , i see something cool and i take a pic so i can draw it later, i overhear something funny and i write it down to use as a joke in a comic. it's not always a 1:1 lifting , sometimes i just use that stuff as a jumping off point, and the end product is totally different. i know this approach doesnt really work for everyone, though. i just have a really "go, go, GO!" brain that is always wanting to make pictures and stories so its very natural for me to absorb things and then immediately go into thinking about how i could use it.

but if you mean like, media inspiration? guardians of ga'hoole, invader zim, homestuck, and steven universe are probably the biggest "foundational reading" for my stuff, i think theyve had the most influence on me in terms of the types of stories i like to tell, and how i tell them. amphibia is getting up there though, it really scratches a lot of funny critter and found family itches in my brain. i also like stuff that doesnt take itself TOO seriously, and has kind of dry or morbid humor. stupid stuff thats also frustratingly emotionally mature. i like tone whiplash, i think its funny

i also really like animals a lot. i'm by no means a scientist or any kind of professional, but speculative biology / xenobiology is my favorite aspect of worldbuilding, and i like to do a lot of research on human and animal biology to make stuff as accurate or believable as i can. i watch a lot of animal videos and documentaries, and pre-pandemic times i would go to the zoo and aquarium whenever i could, to take pictures and videos of the animals. art wise i do a lot of animal studies too, i think it shows in my drawings ha ha

i also really like.... sci fi dystopian short stories? none in particular, i just kinda.. enjoy reading a 12 page story written by some guy 50 years ago where the gist of it is just "wow. wouldnt it be messed up if that happened?"

another thing that helped me so much is just not caring what other people think. im making whatever i want. its my art, if people dont like it , they can make their own art where everything is how THEY want it to be. this is a mindset you have to practice , i still get insecure sometimes about how others think of me, or how "well" my stuff does, but in the end i have to convince myself to just let go, and have fun instead of worrying too much.

over all i would say ... my inspiration is to make stuff that i wanna see. i just like take everything i like and throw it in the pot and distill it till i get something that works. this tweet from alex hirsch is my modus operandi

i guess if theres any wisdom i wanna impart here, a midset i think you should adopt... the target audience is me. everyone else is a bonus.

[pompadourpink]

Hi mum! This is probably gonna sound so stupid but i need your advice on a topic. I know that its silly but it has been bothering my mind a lot lately. So im 17, nearly 18 and never had a boyfriend. And since im a senior now in high school, this year is important to me to achieve things academically. But in my class there is a boy, and i am in the same class with him for the first time so i dont know him very well. He is very smart, and you know those silent but witty and funny types? He's that. And for the first time in my life im feeling some tension when im around him, and it will probably sound so stupid but i know that he feels it too. There is just something really strong. And we havent even talked a word yet. God i know this sounds ridiculous i wanna punch myself. But he's always on my mind. I dont know what to do. Even if he asked me out (which would never happen ) i wouldnt go out with him because its a busy year for me and he is popular for his short term relationships with popular and pretty girls so im probably not his type anyway. I cant even wish that he likes me because he would break my heart. But i cant get him out of my mind. Please show me a way out. And at the same time i feel so shitty for never having a relationship. I know nothing about this stuff and i am a walking disaster so no boy will probably ask me out. It would be good if someone showed interest in me. What do you think i should do about that? Thank you for reading this i know its stupid but you give the greatest advice and i wanted to hear your take on it.

Aah also one of my friends has a crush on him. So imagine how shitty is my situation 😬

Hello darling,

A few things: 1/ no, you are not a walking disaster, you're trying to figure it out, which even people in their 80s continue working on every day; 2/ no, you are not lame for having no past relationships, you're very young, not 46 years old.

I'll be very candid as usual, especially today because I've been in a similar boat.

You don't have a *crush* on the guy: you don't know him, you're just fixating on the idea of him because you have no experience, are craving love, and your brain has been filling up the gaps and making him into your idea of a great guy. It's like reading a One direction fanfiction written by a 14-year-old virgin "so I bump into Harry and he looks at me, smiles, and invites me for coffee at his house" - no he wouldn't Chloe, you just wish he would. I suggest you try befriending the guy and figure out who he actually is. Chances are he's going to be different than what you pictured and you'll stop being infatuated.

I wouldn't worry about your friend - even if they start dating, she is probably going to get dumped after a few weeks when something better comes along since that is what he's been doing, so I don't think you will be missing much.

When I (late 20s) meet a guy, we're in for a three-week-long interview so I can see what he's like, what he stands for, etc. before anything happens. That requires knowing that I want and don't want him to be like, and I do know because I've met plenty of guys, had good and bad experiences, and therefore know what to look for. If he's rude to a waiter, calls himself brutally honest, or makes sexual suggestions because he's impatient, he's out. Now you have to do that work: talk to anyone you can to experience all that humanity can offer. Once you discover your green and red flags, have them be your most faithful weapons.

Don't look for "the one", it's a movie thing, and your definition will change over time anyway. You don't have to look for a husband, but don't willingly get into relationships you'll have to heal from: no guy who makes fun of you, can't laugh at himself, tells you what to do, refuses to apologize. My partner recently gave himself a black eye while working out and I've been crying laughing for a week, and he's laughing with me, because he likes seeing me happy. Go for someone who makes you feel 100% safe and comfortable, even for three months.

I believe (and Reddit proves me right weekly) that many women live unhappy lives because society tells them that they are not complete if they're single, so they force themselves into a relationship with a guy who doesn't even really like them, but is satisfied by a life where he gets a free housekeeper, cook, sex worker, and always has the last word because she won't leave him, which allows him to pretend he's incompetent to make her take care of more chores, flirt, be mean, etc. And he might end up marrying her and having kids because he realises that those are her conditions for staying with him, and he doesn't want to lose the chances of living like a bachelor and being served for the rest of his life. But he will remain a guilt-free bum, because he never had any intention to change, while she's on social media wondering why he isn't interested in their third baby. When you are craving love, you risk getting into one of those. Know your worth. There are plenty of great men.

There are definitely people who are interested in you. I was single for all of high school and convinced that no one was even looking at me, and I was jolted awake from a deep sleep, about two years ago, by the realisation that I had actually been actively pursued by at least two very sweet and attractive boys who could have made me happy, and my own lack of confidence sabotaged me. Give yourself more credit. You are clearly smart and sweet and trying to do good and I'm very proud. Look around and find them.

Now, a few general tips, since I'm getting emo vibes from you (same tbh):

Appearance, especially for women, is important, whether you want it or not, and will be tied up to your reputation; at the very least, act pleasant, wear clothes your size (no potato bags), go for simple cuts, and have clean hair and nails. Get ready as if you were going to bump into a professor, recruiter, supervisor, etc. Leaving a great impression often pays off later.

Being shy and awkward will not serve you. If during a job interview you make a "haha I'm so dumb" joke, you will look like a moron and not be called back, because even if you're smart, that type of comment screams insecurity, unreliability, maybe mental illness, and no recruiter wants that. But toxic people do and will use it to destroy you. Stand straight, make eye contact, and speak neutrally about yourself if you can't think of compliments.

The world is smaller than you think and you'll most likely see people again: if someone annoys you, unless it is genuinely a question of ethics, let it go. Because if you act on it, someone will be listening, and it will eventually come back to bite you in the donkey. You can't get a second first impression, and you can't nail a first impression if people have been talking shit about you.

Feel free to DM me to chat some more!

Love,

Mum

[firebuug]

for the weird questions for writers thing: obligatory 6 9 4 and 20 bc funny. but for like actual questions 17 and 18

do not test me i will answer them all. my answers r below the cut LOL

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

tbh? that people read it and go “oh. uh. this is uh. cringe” or that they totally read it thru the wrong lens. like if someone looked at a piece where i poured my inner anxieties and feelings into and they went “wow so they just wanted this character to be whiny for a sec huh.” bc tbh in the end ya thats what it is its a silly character saying funny thing but also like i never ever do that. if i do that and SHOW U that writing then i am trusting you with my life and my cringe and my life essence a—

also just being obviously inexperienced lol. i dont write professionally and dont intend to its just for funzies but am still self conscious anywayz

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

yes ever since i was little i tried to let any ghost who may live in my house know i am its friend by sticking my foot out before bed and promising i wouldnt tell anyone if they could read my mind. my aunts had a haunted house and they went full investigator mode and somehow came to the conclusion it was their relative who wanted a last birthday party, so they threw a party for the ghost and all poltergeist activity stopped in their house

also related to writing but my friend’s WIP rn is literally titled He Doesn’t Believe In Ghosts

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

ive been writing the word Prestidigitation a lot bcuz dnd and i fucking HATE THAT WORD i cant even pronounce it i hate it die die die. also medival or mideival or whateve rthe fuck its spelled i hate that word

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

. ok so im not a big writer so the only wips ive got goin on are a self indulgent band au psychoanalysis piece, a hypothetical comic con murder mystery and the forever cancelled zombie apocalypse story i wrote from elementary to middle school w my ocs. and tbh i would kill to see the comic con murder mystery completed just to read it myself so i would take that offer. but also it isnt a WIP but if i could have that witch rewrite the juggernaut event for me as the epic cinematic arpg video and writing combination thing i pictured it as id give her my life

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

UM um well. i dont have any plot for murder mystery and my band au is just. oc story that i can ramble about whenever but . my zombie apocalypse was the funniest shit. i played this for serious and i love how apeshit my imagination was back then. the lore was that a zombie virus happened bc the ceo of an evil company’s fail brother locked himself underground on accident and in the period which he was stuck in there tried to make himself a friend. but it corrupted and became a zombie and killed him and escaped. and the world got so bad that the scientists found a planet and named it Earth 2 and everyone got on there except for a bunch of everyday average people including our cast. and now. they r forced to survive. i published it frequently on deviantart journals and still have it on my google drive, sometimes i used to read it to get inspired to make apeshit stories for fun, but i havent in a while

8. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

does. does this mean like a snippet from my own writing? UHH a lot of my writing is oc stuff that i work into their stories but let me try and pull up something old that actually has a chance of having backstory to it HAHAJK

ok all i found was this from a Splatoon writing which i thot was funny because of the context of Buggy seeing a totally abandoned, empty subway station and still INSISTING on not hopping the ticket scanner or whatever. help. like i dont have any commentary i just wanted u to see this. :

“Just hop over it,” he remembered Skuggy telling him, “nobody cares.” Buggy felt too bad about it, though, and got him to lend him his old card anyways. He reached into his pockets for the said card and stuck it into the slot. The little dusty screen on top of the gate showed a little spinny loading circle before a light shone green and he was let in.

whatever. anyways instead ill spit fun fax about the juggernaut story writing event arpg thing bc i um. i um. i . i. i . @im-hiding22 its bad compared to my writing now but it was sillyfun

- i did not actually intend for buggy to kill farrow i intended for it to be a fake-out and for farrow to scramble to life right when the juggernaut approached or whatevs. but when all my friends went insane like he did die i thought “wouldnt it be funny if he died fr”

- i was intending on mendel to be the first death under the jugg’s hands because itd be cool for the creation to get revenge in its creator and for the story to be everyone trying to fix mendel’s mistakes themselves and possibly bring him back. but i could not imagine anything thatd reverse his mistakes in a satisfying way so i scrapped and rewrote it

- literally only wrote the stupid loredump radio broadcast cuz i had finished reading the nightvale novel

- 80% of the most fun i had from that and the most story-impacting decisions came from my friends sending asks, and seeing my friends actively wanting to participate and speculate on something i was writing was literally the most touching thing i have ever felt in my life. im reliving that high by running a dnd campaign in which now i can focus on telling my friends’ stories and intertwining them with my own

ok bye. this was 3 years long, im giving you a brownie if you read this far because youre incredible! all of the old writing i posted here can be found under the ;writing hashtag which will be tagged here :D if u. ever wanna see cringe splatoon or town of salem oc fanfic LOLL