#but just the complete lack of purpose his character was given and how short his screen time was

[exdeputysonso]

Brad Dourif as Thomas Nash | Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D (2014)

[rahuratna]

HI!! I love your reasons on why Nanami speaks to you on a personal level sm!! It’s so interesting because you pointed out a different perspective I’ve never thought about before. The reason why I started liking Nanami was because of his journey of finding a sense of purpose. If I were to drop myself into the JJK verse and had the option to convince Nanami to stay as a sorcerer instead of a salaryman, I wouldn’t. Because then he wouldn’t have known if being a salaryman and, like you mentioned in some of your fics, having a simple and more ordinary lifestyle made him more fulfilled.

Then your insights on identity comes to play: no matter what you choose to do with life, it doesn’t completely define you because we also have to consider the emotions and experiences that make us human. What we never got to see was what Nanami did in his free time and, excluding the value/service he provided for others and the short clips from “Where our blue is”, what memories and experiences that made him happy and loved. That’s also why reading your works is so good and comforting 😭 😭

You also talked about lack of self-preservation which I think makes a lot of sense given the pressures Jujutsu society. For Nanami, I think he feels like there’s barely a choice in what he can do. Both being a salaryman and a jujutsu sorcerer means being “exploited” by the higher ups. As a salaryman, he was “making the rich richer,” and as a sorcerer, he and his peers were being sent out to risk their lives to kill curses instead of the powerful elders doing it themselves (particularly with his best friend’s death). The higher ups in society do not care or value his life because there will always be more sorcerers and salarymen to replace him in terms of the job. THATS WHY I LOVED WHEN YOU POINTED OUT THAT YOUR JOB DOESNT DEFINE YOUR IDENTITY AIDHNSJDNBDKS. I think that’s what might have influenced Nanami to have a lack of self-preservation like you said. Yes because being a sorcerer requires it, but also because the only semblance of meaning that society could provide him was providing value to the innocent and weak which ultimately costed his life.

IT MAKES ME SO SAD BECAUSE HE DESERVES THE MOST AND HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT *sob sob*… tysm for all the character analysis you do, it makes me so happy talking about it :) Please add on if you have any more thoughts 🫶 🫶

Firstly, this is what I love about writing fanfic. These conversations with fellow fans who appreciate the same things about the series and characters is just golden to me 💛💛. I'm so, so flattered and glad that my interpretation of Nanami provides these different perspectives and I love hearing your ideas on it too!

So, I really liked Nanami's character to begin with, but there was one particular scene, where he wipes away the tear of the transfigured human, that really made me sit up and take note.

When the show got into his background, I immediately picked up on how much he values others over himself. It ties in with what you said about how there could possibly have been a happier reality for him if he'd simply chosen the path of a 'normal' life. Maybe he could have eventually retired and lived that peaceful existence.

And this is where he truly becomes a tragic figure for me. I feel like the world he lived in would never have allowed that peace. His compassion, desire to protect and serve others and his strong beliefs always shine through. Jujutsu society favours the ruthless, the predators, the ones who can detach and operate without thinking too hard about the cost, like Mei Mei, for example.

Nanami is not an apex predator. He's very strong, but a foot soldier, and one who fully acknowledges his own weaknesses. While his compassion and heart make him a sterling human being, they don't grant him safety, or survival.

To reiterate what I said in my previous post, he does define himself by how well he can serve others. Which is his job.

You also pointed out something really important, which was that Nanami's search for purpose makes him so interesting. I think that the trauma he suffered from the death of his friend, along with possibly the survivor's guilt, is what actually led to him under-valuing himself like this, and also prioritizing the younger sorcerers. He thought so hard about his own purpose, but was also so blind to his own value as a human being, with qualities that made him so much more than JUST a salaryman, or JUST a sorcerer.

Yaga said something to Yuuji which always stuck with me; that in their world, being a sorcerer requires a certain level of insanity, an ability to detach yourself so that you can face the horror of the curses with reckless bravery.

Nanami had his own brand of insanity, one that allowed him to actually remain attached to the value of peoples' lives, to express kindness and compassion, and STILL go out there and face the dangers of his job with a straight back and steady heart. It wore him down terribly, but his powerful belief in his own principles allowed him to do his job, day after day.

That unique madness was what tore away any sense of self-preservation and self-value he had, but also served as one of the strongest inspirations to those who he left behind. Their value of him, their grief and their loss, speaks volumes about the man he was.

I love writing those same aspects you mentioned, the little things that give him happiness and pleasure, the healing and understanding of his own importance, the simplicity of his needs being met.

Cheers to plenty more fanfic! And always feel free to drop me your thoughts, even if you had a random 1 am musing! I love hearing them!

[ducktracy]

It really is a shame that Daffy’s positive traits would slowly be more and more downplayed over the years (I think even his characteristic “WOO-HOO!” would be solely used by McKimson either after or even starting in the early 50’s?) because he makes for SUCH an enthralling character when he’s not typecasted as just “the guy that loses (to bugs bunny)”

YEAH… i AM happy to report that i’ve been considerably warming up to what i call Chuck’s Duck™️ (which is slightly unfair because Freleng’s duck falls under this category. but Chuck Duck is fun to say and works in its immediacy with its connotations), especially given that the… less “glowing” traits of his Daffy have been present long before the sudden transformation of Rabbit Fire (which isn’t really that sudden of a transformation. he even HOOHOOs in that one!)—Bob Clampett’s duck is often touted as the very antithesis of Chuck’s Duck, but what’s so different between The Great Piggy Bank Robbery and Drip-Along Daffy? Duck Dodgers? Piggy Bank has him acting as some big hot shot he is completely unqualified for—he’s egotistical! he’s a craven little coward! you could argue that this even goes back as far as something as Scalp Trouble (from 1939!) which also has him acting as a big shot authority figure who thinks he’s the greatest, only to spend a part of the cartoon cowering off screen when the climax happens

BUT to directly address your ask, i was rewatching Tom Turk and Daffy (of course) and reflecting on how Daffy is pretty insensitive in that one, but there is still this reigning innocence via oblivion that the later entries really don’t embrace as much. which is such a shame! because it makes for an incredibly captivating balance. A Pest in the House falls into a similar category—so much so that i’ve seen people show confusion as to whether or not his heckling is purposeful. it’s not! and neither is his assaulting of the turkey in Tom Turk! he’s just that unaware, but his lack of awareness is almost endearing in these shorts. it’s usually the butt of the joke later on

i have so many thoughts about Daffy and how he is characterized (and mischaracterized!) that i’ve come full circle and am completely blanking here because there’s just so much i could say, and too much for my mind to comprehend! i’ve softened on my opinion is the Bugs and Daffy shorts in recent years, particularly when accepting that the shorts are clearly made for Daffy. you do not watch a Bugs and Daffy pair-up because you want to view the intensely interesting antics of Bugs Bunny. you save that for Yosemite Sam or Elmer or whichever else adversary he runs into. Daffy unequivocally takes the spotlight—Bugs is just something for him to react to, and so that’s sort of subdued my prickliness towards those shorts realizing the directors still very much loved Daffy. not to imply they ever would feel the opposite, but it can feel suffocating with the whole “Daffy is such a stooge isn’t he. LAUGH” vibe.

I’M SO FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LOVE THIS ASK. and i have so many more in depth thoughts about this that aren’t coming to mind and it’s making me so mad. maybe that’s more motivation for me to speed through my reviews so i can get to the shorts where i can express my feelings in a more collected manner. but for now, did leave these thoughts about Ali Baba Bunny a few months ago that somewhat applies to this ask. maybe. but i really really really strongly agree with you, and am definitely thankful for McKimson’s duck sticking with “tradition” throughout the ‘50s. i’ve always enjoyed his take on Daffy and felt he strikes a really strong balance between that sort of “innocence” and being a bit of a hard ass, while still maintaining his charm and charisma that i feel is lost in some of the later Chuck/Friz efforts (at least for me).

[mdhwrites]

The Owl House had an issue with introducing characters that had minimal impact on the storyline. Boscha, Kikimora, Vee, Hunter, and The Collector could’ve all been removed from the story with little change, and their screen time could’ve been used toward other characters that needed it more than them.

So we talk a lot about story necessity I want to start this with the fact that filler and side characters often help add flavor to a story. It's something frankly I struggle with because my stories focus on progressing forward which helps me get a lot done with a small word count. Most of the characters listed here though... Actually are fine. At least until S3 for Boscha and Kikimora and that brings up the fact that different roles require less time to matter, though I want to mention that this addition of flavor and the like is exactly why no one will ever question why Viney was a part of the show. She's fun and she's the ONE time we get ANYONE actually struggling with the desire to be multi-covened but the system won't allow it, even if it's not done particularly well in that episode.

So, what are the roles of each character versus how much time do they have on screen? Well:

Boscha: Basic teenage antagonist for school things. Requires only as much time as is dedicated to teenage drama. Mostly disappears after S1 because of this except for two funny moments at her expense... Except in S3 when the show states she's actually more than what was portrayed before.

Kikimora: Basic, irredeemable, comedy villain general to allow fighting Belos without fighting Belos. Requires only as much time as is required to confront Belos AND OTHER, BETTER GENERALS AREN'T AROUND. Then in S3 is there as a standalone, one off antagonist despite her BOSS having been defeated and her not being anything new.

Vee: One off foil to Luz for character conflict for an episode. Takes up one episode and that's... it. She's fine.

Hunter: Complex, Redeemed Villain General. Requires as much time as is required for a satisfying redemption. Is actually cut short because he is not actually a villain for any time, cutting his point at the knees. Also connects to Belos but *looks at Lilith and Kikimora, both from season 1* that's redundant. Kikimora LITERALLY goes through the same fucking shit as Hunter and only once Belos has left her for dead/tried to kill her, much like Hunter, she forsakes him. She just becomes a bad guy instead of a good guy but even the breakdowns Hunter has or the depression about losing their purpose are both shared. They're almost the same character and nothing is done with that foiling frankly.

Collector: Complex, Redeemed Final Villain. Requires the time for his machinations and desires to be unraveled and challenged in a way that is thematically coherent because if you're going to redeem your big bad, it becomes about a battle of ideologies. Instead, we get one conversation with him before him being released and like... Two afterwards. That isn't enough time for him to have a machination or big bad moments. That's barely enough time for a one off villain.

That's the bigger issue with TOH. It has no idea what its priorities are... Nor does it feel like it cares. Like Kikimora is Belos' main general, effectively his biggest expression onto the show before S3... And she sucks. Meanwhile, his coven heads go unused and underutilized, staying as one off villains instead. Then their more complex characters and concepts aren't actually given the time needed because that would mean not getting the payoff of redemption or reformation of these characters. It is also just lacking ideas so it doesn't know what to do with any of these characters the longer it goes on and so keeps scraping the bottom of a well. Hence why Kikimora and Boscha return in S3 despite one effectively not being in S2 (if Boscha was important, she'd have at least cameod in Labyrinth Runners) and the other being a complete joke by the end who's boss was reduced to a puddle once already.

And that's frankly the bigger issue. These characters feel redundant and like they don't even add flavor because... They are and they don't. The show has VERY few concepts in general besides social statements. That's why most of their villains or dilemmas are them miming at a social issue and why it had to carve up more and more angst as it ran out of ideas it could just copy from the modern world. Or reused ideas even in the same season just with other basic fantasy things.

And more complex ideas REQUIRE creativity and skill. They require the elements that seem to be most lacking in the show. That's why the fandom can create a billion ideas because they're unrestrained and actually see the potential in these concepts while the show runners feel blind to the gold they are writing themselves. Again: You could have spent an entire SEASON dealing with just all of Amity's baggage towards redemption and reformation, twenty episodes, and probably still had material on the table and instead, it frankly boils down to at best a handful of episodes, at most two, before she is fully redeemed and telling her potential to go fuck off because she has the job of a bland love interest to do.

As it is now? The show is lucky that it didn't have time to make literally everything redundant, no matter how hard it tried to anyways.

==========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[halfbakedspuds]

Taking the open tag from @somethingclevermahogony

Rules: answer as many (or as few) of the questions about your WIP as you can

What was the first part of your WIP that you created?: wow, that is a bit of a question. See, before I realised that I had a story to tell in this universe, before politics or interstellar wars or honour bound gunslingers became a thing, Children of the Stars existed purely as a boredom fueled daydream about a world where humanity on Earth was a long lost colony of an empire that would check up on us every hundred years or so and try nudge our technology along a bit (I know.shocking how much a story can deviate from the original idea, eh?). This concept of an incredibly technologically advanced civilisation trying to work on a primitive society from the shadows is, at it's core, the basic premise of what would (three or four iterations later, when I started writing my mess of a first draft as an HFY episodic series) become the IUC [Imperial upliftment corps], so I think it's safe to say that's probably the oldest thing simply because it's survived the longest.

If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?: "Short change hero" by The Heavy. Maybe swapping it out for "Blue Monday 88" by The New Order about halfway through the series for thematic reasons could be a good idea.

Who are your favourite character/s and why? Adrian Castellan purely because of how much of a challenge it was to start thinking like he would. I started writing his backstory, and when I was done, I stood back a bit and realised that actually getting into the headspace of someone who is (for lack of better phrasing) seven unique kinds of f***ed up but still trying to be a good person is going to be difficult. The kind of person who's had to kill frequently in horrific ways since before his age had even hit the double digits just to survive to adulthood. Yet despite everything, he's still someone who's good with kids, someone who will care about a complete stranger in his own thorny way and someone who still has a heart, battered and jerry-rigged though it might be.

What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP? I think Warhammer 40k fans might see some draw in the setting until they see a xenophilic humanity (Just kidding, I love you guys). Maybe a few Stellaris players or MiB fans.

What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP? Probably the story itself actually. I got the setting and character chemistry down and continued to wing the hell out of the story for quite a while before figuring out what the story was that kept teasing me to tell it.

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them! All of them are alien to human sensibilities given that the entire book takes place on another planet. There are the Tsgara, six-legged reptilian chase predators about the size of a cheetah that are evolved to prey upon the local intelligent species. They tend to get confused by geometric shapes for some reason, so a legitimate defense tactic is to carry an eight armed star on you and just shove it right in their face to scare them off. Then there are the Kalaani, who are bred as beasts of burden and for meat, or the Ghar-nemyi or "unnamed horrors" that live in the deeper regions of the planet's seas and are called "Leviattii" (Leviathans) by the humans, or more informally "Magna Nothi" (The big bastards). Adrian likes to call them Djunlanur, which means something like "the big Fuglies," .

How do your characters get around? Depends. Anywhere in the city, they use their legs. Anywhere else is either a hike or them calling a transport to come pick them up.

What part of your WIP are you working on right now? What I affectionately am calling 'the war of the shared braincell' in my notes, which is Adrian trying to hide the true nature of what his people are and what their purpose is on Kradoma from Lyanni, while she proves to actually be annoyingly intelligent given that she has no prior knowledge to go on and can still consistently figure out where she needs to go for scraps of answers.

What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in? Hopefully the uniqueness of the setting and premise, maybe the promise of it being a scifi political drama.. idk.

Questions:

What was the first part of your WIP that you created?

If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?

Who are your favourite character/s and why?

What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?

What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

How do your characters get around?

What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

Open tag for whomever wants it.

[problemswithbooks]

There's a few minor characters in a later One Piece arc that disprove your theory re: inheritance of fish-like traits, but your world-building speculation is really interesting!

Actually one of Big Mom’s young sons looks fully Fishmen. De-Chat.

Got these two asks so I looked into it a bit more.

Something I find really interesting is that Big Mom's kids, De-chat and his mermaid sisters look nearly the same as full-blooded fishmen and merfolk. Big Mom is interesting because she doesn't really look human due to her size but is apparently just a little to short to count as a giant. It might be possible that she has giant ancestors somewhere in her past--but also who knows, she could also have fishmen or merfolk ancestors as well.

Again, this is just me trying to make sense of One Piece biology that was never supposed to make any sense. Oda only designs characters based on how they look and fit into the story. He's not going to limit his artistic talent to reality or make world building rules that might also put restrictions on what he can draw.

But for me, how I'd make sense of Big Mom's kids looking so much like their seafolk fathers is to say that somewhere in her background she has a fish-person or merfolk parent. Given how Oda says their dna works, with it remembering any secondary species (like whale shark, or goldfish) it makes sense that human hybrids generally get more human traits because one parent lacks a secondary species to pull from. Meanwhile, both fish-people and merfolk are human, so the genes have more ways of combining in a way that emphasis human traits.

But if someone has seafolk ancestors their dna would still carry that secondary species, even if they themselves do not have any fish traits. If they then had children with a fish-man or mermaid that child could have a higher chance of inheriting fish traits. This could explain why Big Mom has such pure looking seafolk children.

Meanwhile other hybrids we see like Sapi look nearly entirely human except for a fin on his head. Dellinger is interesting because he looks almost fully human as well, but most of it seems to be because he can hide those traits. He can choose whether or not to have human teeth, or hide his fin.

I'm no expert on dna or genealogy so my head-cannon is probably nonsense, but to me seafolk kind of feel like eeve in a way, where they're dna is kind of unstable. Whenever they have kids what they look like is a complete crap-shoot, where anything is possible. On top of that it doesn't seem like their abilities or size is always determined by their fish traits. Some of them look nearly human, except with non-human skin tones, while others look extremely inhuman--like Zeo or Hammond.

Which again is very purposeful on Oda's part. He's drawing cool characters. The reasons why they look the way they do doesn't matter to him at all. I just try and come up with reasons because I find it fun.

[lumiidragon]

What is your opinion on the Light Fury, as in Toothless’ mate?

Ok, so I'll start by stating that I don't "hate" her. The Light Fury is a very wonderful addition to the HTTYD franchise (despite what I know a lot of fans would disagree with) and she brought a whole new species with her that I am very personally attached to.

However, everything about her was done wrong. This may get a little lengthy, so I've added the rest below the cut~

Let's start with the glaringly obvious issue: she was made solely to be romance fodder. Her being Toothless's mate isn't the issue here, what the issue is is that she was ONLY made to be Toothless's mate. She wasn't made for a story-driving purpose or to lift any characters, she was "made to be like a lioness luring Toothless back to the savanna" as it had been stated. Basically, she literally has no purpose other than to be arm candy for Toothless and that's where her character immediately started to go wrong. In story-telling, if you're only making a character to romance one of the main characters and that's literally their only purpose, then you've made a very flat character to kick things off and that's not good. If she was made to be more of a driving force for the story instead of a useless wedge in between what was supposed to be an inseparable bond between Toothless and Hiccup, then I think that would have given her character a MAJOR boost alone. However, she's just "The Toothless Girlfriend" and frankly nothing more and is never anything more than that, which is a crying shame because she's not allowed to be her own character, she's supposed to be the thing Toothless makes goo-goo eyes at.

Next up, her actual roles in the movie: aka, staring at Toothless most of the movie or flying away from Hiccup. That's...pretty much all she does in the movie. Her only defining time in the movie is when she saves Hiccup, a minute-long part in the entirety of The Hidden World movie. That is the most development we ever get of her. Anything else is just her being there to have Toothless drool and slobber all over or her taking off and leaving Toothless for dead at the mercy of the "scary humans" but they try to claim "it's true love". I'm not against her not liking humans, in fact, I think it's a good trait for her to have, but she needs to have more of a personality and role than that of a deer fleeing from a spooky noise it heard. We never get to see what she's like when she's on her own, we never get to see her have any real driving roles that's not the very-much-complained-about-already romance fodder, we never get to see ANY personality.

Lack of backstory is another issue. We never learn anything about her. She doesn't even get a name and no, it doesn't come across as "but she's a wild animal and her not getting a name leaves her untamed and natural!" it comes across as poor character development and lazy. How was she captured? Why was she outside of The Hidden World in the first place if this was the "perfect home" for dragons and while every other light fury is apparently down there? Why couldn't we see any scenes of her and Grimmel alone when we could have either seen how he took her to Berk or a very satisfying scene of her maybe kicking his ass? (If she was so dead set on trying to kill Hiccup, why not on trying to kill the actual human who had actually hurt her many times already? Oh right, because boyfriend needs her or something I guess). Any kind of backstory, no matter how brief would have also been a huge boost to her character.

Then there's Homecoming, but literally nothing was done right with this short, so I'll just leave it at that.

As for good points, I really do like her design despite what most fans say. No, she doesn't need to be "bigger" than Toothless because light furies aren't as big as night furies. (I've heard the whole "but female reptiles are usually bigger than males!" argument, but people remember that she is not a night fury. She's a completely different species.) Yes, I like her nubbyness and sparkles. I know it's overly girly, but I'm really diggin' it because not every dragon has to look like a badass death machine. Also, her cloaking ability is super cool. This is only ruined when they decided that Toothless had to be special snowflake and have that for his ability too, which will never make sense to me. Also, she is not a bitch for disliking humans, including Hiccup. She's a wild animal. This, once again, is only ruined for a single factor, and that being that it's almost half of her entire personality with the other half being "The Girlfriend".

So in conclusion, I don't hate her-hate her, but she's the weakest character in the entire series and that's stupid seeing as how she was supposed to be the thing people fall in love with so Toothless ditching Hiccup wouldn't feel as shitty, but they failed at that miserably.

[enneamage]

Not directly to Generation Loss, but I've been given a lot of thoughts to the younger generation of minecraft streamers and their attempts to do big projects to "break out of" the minecraft mold: obviously, with Ranboo, we have Generation Loss, which seemed to go over well with his fanbase (enough so that he's stated he's thinking of quitting MCC, which is really the only tie he's had to the game for about a year atp), with Tommy, we have his New York vlog series and now his liveshows, and with Tubbo, while still Minecraft-adjacent, we have Tubnet. I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about what would make a cc successful at shifting their core audience into a brand new project that isn't necessarily the type of content that they got famous for. Do the audiences of all three ccs differ enough that they would need different strategies to shift their content? My running theory is that Generation Loss was mostly successful among his fanbase because it played on the tropes that were apparent in his minecraft lore from the beginning: mind control, a protagonist forced to do awful things against his will, a base npc type character that occasionally has overwrought freakouts over their lack of control, etc. It was just in a medium outside of Minecraft.

Meanwhile, Tommy is finding himself in a rut because he can't fully apply his storytelling skills to a non-Minecraft setting (in part because he's focusing more on comedy, and while his fans like his sense of humor, I think, in his lore, they also liked the Marvel-esque main character energy, which doesn't translate when it's just the cc having a huge ego, and the angst) and his vlogs, when they aren't completely on the backburner, seem too formulaic to have their early charm. As for Tubbo, while obviously a minecraft server is, well, minecraft, there wasn't enough "entertainment"/lore/a connection to the streamer to encourage his core audience to play Tubnet, at least not in the form it was released as. In short, I feel traditional mcyt-ers are looking for narratives or entertainment value from these bunch of ccs. Although maybe Lovejoy's success goes against this theory. It just seems like all the younger minecraft streamers have attempted to release a large project within the last year or so, and while that might not be indicative of them trying to leave the fandom, I sense a restlessness in all of them and a wish to move on.

(Okay so this is going under a readmore because it is a long’un)

As of 2023 in a post-lockdown and post-DSMP world I got the sense that a lot of people were restless regarding what to do and where to go next, CC and audience alike. I think that because the DSMP was such a specific time and place in people’s lives it’s inevitable that the majority of people (because those numbers were huge) will have moved on to watching/wanting other things, so retention through sameness may not work, but you’re onto something with the feeling like there’s no in-character story to follow anymore. The thing I poke at from time to time is that there’s no out-of-character plot to follow anymore either, most of the irl narratives have been resolved or brought off-camera so even the RPF people have to scavenge for food.

Lovejoy has a rising star narrative that people can invest in if they want; with them breaking free of associations with mcyt to be treated like serious musicians, and I think it also serves a purpose ofpeople trying to wash off post-mcyt shame in themselves. (“this is Wilbur Soot and this is WILL GOLD” they tweet, as though that is not a literal man onstage performing, but they’ve already decided what they want to believe in.) I’m sensing some misguided stabs to try and not be treated like the bottom of the food chain in the vocal fanbase by desperately trying to push away from the MCYT association, which is probably where those peoples heads are at all around. Most lovenjoyers are fine with it and just enjoy the music because it’s obviously how they got there, but there’s clearly a friction going on.

Ranboo has a kind of watered-down version of that following them. I remember when I first saw someone say very defensively that Ranboo wasn’t an MCYT, they were a variety streamer. Ranboo has been drifting away from MC for a long time, both moving into the variety realm and daydreaming about Genloss. When people win the internet lottery young it makes sense to want to put the money towards a project that they would only be stuck imagining otherwise, and Genloss very much feels like that kind of dream. I would say that Ranboo has successfully pivoted to variety and even completed their first big project, but they’ll need to re-capture that audience every time they make a Generation from now on, which could be hard to do with breaks in between.

Tubbo has also moved into variety streaming, which is kind of a necessity for the hours he keeps. He also has an ongoing love for big projects like Recipe for Disaster. Tubbo’s longterm investment and labor of love was Tubnet, which would have established him as the owner of a server like the one that he used to play on when he was younger. I don’t know what Tubbo’s relationship to storytelling is, I’ve heard he does it on a small scale but he also has a unique love of engineering, which Tubnet was more about. As far as I know there were a lot of things that eventually led to Tubnet’s low player turnout, but one of them had to have been low demand; I remember people saying that there was no use re-inventing Hypixel when Hypixel already had all the Hypixel players. Regardless of if this was fair or not, Tubnet didn’t wind up developing a large player base from his fame, which unfortunately shows that not all attention rolls over equally.

Tommy has been pouring his storytelling skills into writing his live show, which he’s advertising as the best thing he’s ever written as well as his biggest self-disclosure. It’s autobiographical theatre, but also a puppet musical-- we will see what the audience reviews think. Tommy’s been experimenting the most to see that he wants to do next, I know he’s stated that 2022 was a big ‘try’ year for him and he’s also talked about focusing on the quality of viewers over the quantity because focusing on hard statistics made him miserable. I know Tommy doesn’t want to move away from Minecraft, he’s actually very tightly holding on and trying to find ways to love it again, as well as make it worthwhile for audiences. Some of the things Tommy has been saying lately make it sound like he wants to turn back time a bit, recapture what streaming and video gamed used to feel like for him when he was younger, so we’ll see what resonates with the others. There’s a lot of really dense nostalgia around Minecraft (look at these comment sections they’re haunting) and judging from his current taste in video essays he’s got a moderate case of it.

I think the pattern here is marrying the thing that you want to with what audiences want, which is infinitely harder to do than it is to say. Human motivation is fluid and weird, and not many people are going to be able to say what it is they’ll want or like until something or someone is put in front of them. What people want also changes over time, so it can be a bit like chasing the wind or catching an updraft to get in the air when it comes to getting an audience. There’s a formula for the YouTube algorithm, but there’s not a clear map for the less cheap or predictable parts of the psyche. 

Even when you’ve got an audience, when it’s time to pivot over to something completely new it’s kind of time to be a whole new person to them; your function and role in someone’s life is changing. It’s rolling the dice and seeing if you can do and be something that resonates in a new form. People fall out of love with other people all the time, and I think that CCs get the same effect as the seasons change-- sometimes people change and cause a split, sometimes people stay the same and get stale over time. For the same reason that people can be ride or die because a CC is themselves, when someone falls out of love with a cc there’s not much that can make them stay if the rest of the content doesn’t deliver. I don’t see people talk about it at length, but I have seen this image make the rounds so it’s a shared thing.  

Shortest answer is I think there’s no formula that can be divined outside of a retroactive twelve hour video essay breakdown of each individual’s creators strengths and weaknesses, and a matching breakdown of where the audience’s head was at. It’s much easier to look back on something specific and say ‘this is why this worked / didn’t work’ than grind out guidelines beyond ‘avoid making the audience feel completely alienated or betrayed.’ It can really come down to the audience, who can be attracted and put off by people for reasons that seem borderline intangible, like ‘authenticity.’

The good news is audiences need change and newness even if the content they like has a pattern, otherwise they would keep watching the same video. Even channels that make ‘more of the same’ put out a continuation of what they did last time, moving things along or adding to the collection somehow. Whether it’s in-character or out of character or a kind of abstract “I show up to this channel and things I like are on it,” I think people like to be able to make sense of what they’re clicking on so that they keep doing it. As long as the core remains intact, the people who are sufficiently invested in the creator tend to stick around unless life gets in the way.

As for the restlessness, I think that being on the frontier is kind of addictive. Not long ago someone pointed out to me that I had started wondering what the next big thing would be on behalf of the CCs because it’s an interesting question, especially coming off the back of the DSMP blowing up. I think that online can be a very punishing place if you don’t keep up with trends and frontiers since things change so fast, it’s rewarding if you get in early but you’re in danger if you’re left behind. This is actually as true for regular internet users as it is for CCs, think of the strangely potent social shame of using an out of date meme or not being up on the state of The Discourse, you’ll genuinely get punished if you’re too far out of sync with things. We’re in a year that is both hung over on lockdown and desperately trying to get moving again, right in the moment before the answer to what happens next is ‘obvious.’  

[caxycreations]

Character Intro - Devon Masters

Devon Masters is five feet and nine inches tall. He is a male possum, what Earth would call a "virginia opossum". But, on Relan, he is simply a common possum.

He has scars all along his body from various fights, and one ear is badly torn. His eyes are red, with pale yellow sclera. His arms are black starting just past the elbow and extending all the way to his fingers, as are his legs starting near the bottom of his calves and extending down to his toes.

Unlike most possums, his fingers are fully covered in fur. This is due to mixed lineage as he is not a full-blooded possum. His maternal grandfather was a wolf, and his paternal grandmother an ocelot. He inherited certain traits from them which skipped a generation.

He bears black under-eye markings that extend along his muzzle. The upper half of his head is a light grey color, save for his hair and ears, as well as a portion of the back of his head, which are all black.

That same light grey color is found across his chest, crotch, and inner thighs. His primary fur color is a darker grey. His scars are visible across his body as fur does not grow in the scarred areas, except for those from bullet wounds where it does grow, but is very short and sparse, resulting in the scars still being quite visible.

He is sadistic and cruel, and as selfish as they come. He takes pleasure in the suffering of others, and even torments his own men when given the opportunity, often disguising his fun as "making an example" of those in trouble, declaring their failures the cause of his wrath when the truth is that he simply enjoys causing pain.

He lives by his own rules, which are as follows:

Fuck everyone else's rules

I do what I want, when I want

Fuck everyone who tries to stop me

As you can see, he's not much for rules.

He is a skilled combatant, and is quite cocky in his ability due to his Blessing, which is Danger Sense. He has the ability to detect ill will and intent to harm, and his body reacts almost instinctively to such things. It comes off similar to Precognition, but while that allows one to see what is to come and react accordingly, Devon's Blessing is purely instinctive. He knows when he's in danger, and has a very reliable gut feeling as to how to avoid it.

This Blessing can be tricked, however, if one has no ill will or lacks the violent intent. One example of this is Kaleb Killian, who bears no ill will towards any living thing, nor does he bear any malevolent intent. This is due to his sociopathy and complete apathy towards all but himself: He is incapable of feeling anything besides his own desire to continue and his own hope of leaving an eternal legacy.

Due to this, everything he does is with the intent of preserving his legacy rather than actually intending harm to others. Devon is incapable of reading or reacting to Kaleb's actions against him, as Kaleb bears no ill will or malevolent intent at all. His intent is purely self-interest, and so "tricks" Devon's Blessing.

Devon holds a deep and unending hatred for Kaleb, as he sees Kaleb as a waste of the life he was given. While Kaleb was born to a wealthy family and given everything on a silver platter, Devon was born to poor and destitute parents from Laron, a city several hundred miles from Tylvin. When he was born, they made the trip to Tylvin with the sole purpose of leaving Devon at an orphanage there, believing he would be better off in a large city with plenty of opportunity as opposed to their poor hamlet.

As he grew, he ran away time after time and was raised more by the homeless of the street than he was by the orphanage. His psychopathy and sadistic nature led to a quick discovery of his love of harming those around him, which manifested in the form of tormenting the other children.

At the age of fifteen he took a life for the first time, getting into an argument with one of his few friends while sitting on the roof of the orphanage. In his anger, Devon pushed his friend off the roof, and as he watched him land, what little reservation remained him him snapped. His inhibitions gone, he ran away from the orphanage one last time, settling into an abandoned warehouse in the industrial district, turning it into a haven for himself.

His parents abandonment of him coupled with his subconscious justifying his murder of his friend left him with a deep sense of mistrust, believing life was a cycle of falsehood and betrayal. Continuing his wickedness, he eventually gained notoriety around Tylvin's underground as a man to be feared.

This led to The Kings approaching him, offering him a position under the promise that he would never go hungry again, and he would be free to do as he pleases so long as he offers his services to the family once in a while.

He accepted, and quickly rose through the family to a position of power. Not satisfied with anything less than absolute control, he murdered the then-leader of the family, taking his place and cementing himself as the king of The Kings, giving himself a last name to go by that he felt fitting for his role in life: Devon Masters.

He turned the small-time operation into a larger one, delving into various black market business and offering roles to those who fit them best and those who would enjoy them best.

Under his rule the family enjoys drugs, violence, sex, and more as they please, with the only law among them being Devon has final say and the largest cut of anything and everything they do.

His discovery of Kaleb and the truth of the snake led to an unfettered hatred for the man, as he believes had he grown up the way Kaleb had, he could have been happy. His anger towards the snake stems from a genuine belief that a life like that would have kept him from growing into the monster he sees himself as.

While he revels in his wickedness, there is a part of him desperate for a normal life, lamenting the upbringing he had that led to his eventual mental breakdown that turned him into the man he is now. Despite this, he does nothing to turn his life around, feeling that he has passed the point of no return.

Overall, Devon is a complex individual with a deep and innate love of causing pain and suffering, a selfish and hateful being. Despite this, he does lament being so, and blames it on his past, his upbringing, his circumstances. He holds a deep hatred for Kaleb Killian due to a passionate envy for the life Kaleb was given, and will stop at nothing to see the snake dead.

Art by me.

[fateviled]

full spoilers for s2 under the cut so don't perceive if you haven't watched but-

i spent the first half of the season thinking 'if i just don't think about it in terms of the books, but as it's own stand-alone thing it's fine, right? im being nitpicky about it because i want what i already know, right?' god i really wish that was the case. there were things about it that i really liked, and things that made absolutely no sense, and things that just felt insulting to watch with my own two eyes.

unfortunately, right now i can't think about what i did like because im just so disappointed lmao, so what i hated:

everything, absolutely everything, felt rushed. they didn't give you a second to breathe before throwing in the next plotline. what do you mean the pekka rollins plotline was fixed in 3 and a half episodes when that was supposed to be kaz's big bad to overcome? the fun moments between alina and mal where they feel like they're believably, fully in love? never heard of them. who is the suffocating feeling of mal being trapped in a palace watching the girl he loves pass him by? i heard of her but i never saw her!!

it escaped my view the first few times it happened but it genuinely felt like they threw in book quotes blindly just for fan service in places where they didn't fit, and in turn we lost all meaning of what the quotes are supposed to mean. it happened more times than i can actually look back and find a specific one, but specifically, mal's lines declaring his love for alina just felt... god, flat? forced? i'll get into that more later.

we got to see more of zemini and shu han cultures, and that was great for the few seconds it lasted... but why were our actual shu han characters reduced to mere two-dimensional characters? what was the point of making tolya's love for poetry nothing more than a gag for laughs? tamar was missing for so long in the trilogy sequence that i entirely forgot she was with nikolai and the gang and couldn't remember if she'd gone with the crows or not. her and nadia's romance? if you can even call it that. these were supposed to be integral characters to the og trilogy and they were so completely absent that they might as well have not been cast.

david. i'm not saying anything else. just. david?

jesper's trauma over hiding who he is is solved by a hallucination sequence and his mom saying it's okay, following a short conversation with a saint who didn't even get an ounce of his life story, and just immediately rushing into 'being grusha'. like, damn. i need me therapy that effective.

speaking of jesper, please dear god that wesper felt entirely like fanservice and bait and not at all the vibes of the book version of what they are and? also felt like a slap in the face considering the lack of tamar and nadia content we received. once again, just say you hate lesbians and like to use gay men to sell.

this list could really go on forever.

no because i'm mad about the disrespect put on tamar and nadia's names and it felt like tolya was purposely given more screentime with the crows while the only lesbian rep was left out of the process altogether.

the mal specific issues, which we all knew were coming.

i didn't hate the ending of his arc/beginning of his new adventure. in fact, it felt like a necessary step toward who he is as a person and giving him that choice felt like understanding his character. but it felt like understanding book mal, not at all the show's boy we see who would just choose alina over and over again. we were robbed of seeing mal at his most comfortable on the ship to novyi zem, about how naturally he fits in around people and how trapped and stifled he was in palace life. in rushing everything, we weren't given characterization that is integral to understanding who mal is. what drives him, what he was giving up. what he gained by getting that choice in the end.

just slap me across the face with a brick that says 'mal is the amplifier.' really, it would have been more subtle than everything the show did. i know a lot of people complained about how it came out of nowhere in the books but, really? there was no suspense, no crushing realization when baghra reveals it. even if you didn't know, you would have known well before that.

i still don't get why the mal/zoya stuff was removed. explain that to me. why could this man not have a relationship with someone that wasn't alina? and what was so wrong about letting him be flawed like he was throughout s&s?

i hate to say it but it felt like malina just wasn't the vibe here. with the quick pacing of everything, these two didn't get to have any actual intimate moments that weren't forced to include book quotes, and maybe there was a reason for that. but why give us s1 malina if you were just gonna disappoint like that? i genuinely don't get it.

there's still so much i think about it but it's making me more upset so i'll leave it here for now but GOD.

tl;dr the lack of tamadia was purposeful homophobia, the pacing wasn't it, and i think i'm entitled to financial compensation for what i just experienced.

[jacquelinemerritt]

Dragon Ball Z: Abridged Episode 40 Review

Originally posted March 4th, 2016

Our characters reconvene after defeat.

If you were to look at a plot summary of ”16, 17, and 18 Things I Hate About You,” you might determine that the episode is focused primarily on shuffling the characters around so that they’re where they need to be for the next episode to take place, and you might then determine that I am going to think poorly of it, because in that past, I have been fairly critical of episodes that have done nothing but serve the exact same purpose.

But I’m not going to do that, because while the events of “Things I Hate” serve the purpose of getting characters to where they need to be, the episode is about the actual motivations for each character to shuffle themselves into the proper location.

To start, the episode begins with Vegeta’s arm having just been broken by Android 18, and after this happens Trunks, Piccolo, and Tien jump into the fray to provide backup. Trunks’ motivation here is obvious: his father has been hurt and he wants to help, but notice that it is only after Trunks is taken down that Piccolo and Tien join the fight; they don’t particularly care about Vegeta, but Trunks already is a good friend and ally, so he deserves their help. Meanwhile, Krillin decides it’s wiser to stay out of the fight, and he only makes a motion towards fighting the androids when they make it clear that they’re going to kill Goku (as opposed to simply fighting his other friends).

After the androids have left, Krillin makes like a good delivery boy and brings Senzu beans to all his friends, healing them back up, and Vegeta immediately “nopes the fuck out,” which makes sense, given his recently shattered ego. Our remaining heroes have a conversation about how strong the androids are, and Krillin jokingly prods Piccolo about whether or not he can become a “Super-Namekian” and help them out.

What’s clever about this is that we know that Krillin isn’t necessarily off the mark, as Piccolo can absorb other Namekians and get a pretty significant power boost from it, so his lack of amusement makes sense and plays into his sudden departure towards Kami’s lookout, where he confronts his other half and demands that he be allowed to absorb him. We know the stakes of the androids already, but this interaction takes a turn when Kami describes another threat to the earth that’s even more dangerous than the androids.1

Rating: 4/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

1That leaves us with the short scene where Gohan brings Bulma and Yajirobe to the Briefs’ house/lab, and the phone conversation between Yajirobe and Korin during the tag. The character motivation for the tag is pretty clear, and it serves to further build the fantastic relationship that Korin and Yajirobe have, but the closest to a solid character beat for Gohan’s arrival is just his desire to quickly leave and check on his father. But it makes up for this lack of character motivation by being short, clever, and letting Shudo Ranmaru shine as Dr. Briefs’ airheaded wife, Panti.

For the uninitiated, a tag is a brief section at the end of comedies that often plays during the credits once the rest of the episode’s story has been resolved

Okay, Android 16 meeting the bird “Toriyama” from Revenge of Cooler is kinda funny, but it’s such an oddly specific callback that I honestly don’t know what to make of it. Perhaps it’s just in the vein of all the jokes based on the dub’s translation, but while most of those go over my head, the dialogue still makes sense without being able to make that connection. This doesn’t make any sense without that though, and the amount of time they spend on it (it’s admittedly only a few seconds, but it’s still the joke leading up to the title sequence) makes it fall completely flat if you either missed the moment in Cooler they’re referencing, or only watched the numbered episodes (which I did my first time through).

That said, Krillin being identified as a Space duck by 16 is pretty great.

Android 18: “Societal definitions of beauty are BS anyway.”

Nail: “Am I gonna have to move the pool table?”

Panti: “Honey, we have a food-stamper!” Dr. Briefs: “Tell em’ I have a gun because I pay taxes!”

Bulma: “Hey mom, why do you never seem to age?” Panti: *giggles* “Your father won’t let me.”

Mr. Popo: “All these squares make a circle.”

Mr. Popo: “Kami, I need you to tell me that I can leave the lookout if I want to.” Kami: “Mr. Popo you may leave the lookout if you…” Mr. Popo: “Bitch, don’t tell me what to do!”

Mr. Popo: “Well, that’s fucking ominous.”

Korin and Yajirobe are the sweetest couple.

[magnus-sm-writes]

My Writing Journey: Unlucky Thirteen (& Fourteen)

I’d like to believe that my next massive project, Jeez Take the Wheel, happened when I was on the tail end of thirteen. I’d made some decent changes to WADAA, but I wanted to write something a little different. To go back to my fantasy roots. Good Omens was my favorite book at this time. Once again, I thought, “yeah, I could do that”, and attempted to write my own Bible fanfiction.

Jeez Take the Wheel has been… difficult, since its germination. Difficult in the way that none of my other works have been. Of course, I didn’t realize writing it would be as problematic as it has been. For one, it was the most research-intensive thing I had ever written up to that point. Dare I say, it still is. All the research I’ve done about angels, demons, world religions, ancient politics—it’s been for a book that I’m not even sure I will ever publish.

That being said, Jeez has always been a clusterfuck. From the first full draft I wrote when I was fourteen—my infamous 11,000 word short story—, I knew it was going to be weird. 

(Of course, now I write things firmly within the Weird genre, but at the time, I just wanted my Good Omens ripoff to be more urban fantasy-esque.)

Jeez, despite its title, actually follows an angel named Ambiel, who isn’t very good at his job of, y’know, being an angel. I thought I was quite clever coming up with the name “Ambiel”, because it was a combination of the Latin prefix “ambi”, meaning “both”, and the Greek suffix “-iel”, meaning “of or from G-d”. At the time, I was unaware that there was an actual angel named Ambriel, the angel of Thursday. I am not shitting you. That is a real angel, and that is his day of the week.

Ambiel wasn’t necessarily bad on purpose. He was bad because he just didn’t particularly care about his job of being an angel. He was much more interested in learning as much as possible from humanity and loving his husband. 

His husband being Lucifer, who he affectionately calls Lucy.

Of course, the Big Guys Uptown don’t like that, and have him complete a mission they know he will fail (though he doesn’t know he will fail it). 

There was some worldbuilding that I have had to completely re-do in the years since I’d established it at fourteen, including Heaven and Hell being called Uptown and Downtown respectively, the issue of my primary angel knowledge being from Supernatural and the Biblically Accurate Angel craze, and, of course, my lack of knowledge about sin. It was my second proper venture into worldbuilding, and I wasn’t good at it. But what matters is, I tried!

Been the paper-thin plot, the shitty early teen worldbuilding, and the blatant Good Omens ripoff (please don’t sue me Mr. Gaiman. I promise I’ve changed!), draft 1 of Jeez was a mess. A clusterfuck. I didn’t know how to end it (and I still don’t, honestly), so I slapped on some literal Deus ex Machina and called it a day. 

And still, draft one is quite iconic to me. It was my proof of concept that yes, I could finish a story when I put my mind to it, and that yes, I could actually write decent character relationships.

There was another story that germinated that year that has given me horrific problems: Ross & Julien.

This was the time I got really into Shakespeare for no reason other than the fact I had read Hamlet for a community college literature class and it devastated me. At that time, my classmates in high school English were reading Romeo & Juliet, and it was a former friend of mine who suggested that I could write about it. I liked the idea of it. 

Now, I hadn’t read R&J at that point in my life. I had the cultural knowledge of it, and I was certain that I could just go off that.

I will admit that I still have no idea how to write R&J within my Shakespeare rewrites. It is another difficult work. When it comes to ideas from that time in my life, it’s safe for me to say that my ambitions got the better of me.

Things are beginning to become a little fuzzy when it comes to my writing in these years. I believe this was around the time when it wasn’t about the story of the year and was instead about the story of the month. I was able to do rewrites while also coming up with new stories at the same time. 

It was the beginning of me becoming a far more serious writer than before. The characters I created didn’t have to be based on people I knew anymore. Characterization and character arcs were becoming more important to me. Plot… not so much. I figured if I could make a compelling character, I could do the “plot thing” later. In this time, it was more about character and vibes than it was about creating coherency. I was focused on emotions.

This was also the year I found an interest in poetry. I believe Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur was big around this time, and being the angsty teen I was, I purchased and read a copy in about thirty minutes. Looking back, I am not a huge fan of these poems, and think the concepts have been done better by other poets. That being said, I was a huge fan at the time.

My poetry was incredibly immature. It’s not an insult to my past self; it’s an observation. My knowledge of poetry was made of Shel Silverstein, Rupi Kaur, and the angsty poems I read on Tumblr. 

But, I am pretty impressed with how I was slowly maturing. I can definitely see aspects of my style beginning to grow here. Especially my love for the strange, which was exemplified in Jeez Take the Wheel, though I did not quite know how to write absurdism yet. (Hell, do I even know that now?)

I'm pretty hyped about my next post, as it is when my memory begins to get better. (And I have more digital proof in the form of my old writing blog.)

[macabremachinery]

Absolutely hate how people blorbify AM and say he’s uwu misunderstood. I’m in the gothic lit fandom I see this shit everyday but yeah I gets old seeing AM as a humanoid twink about Ted’s age and build when canon says he CAN’T make a body just so you can draw a sexy man. Thoughts?

Hello! First of all, hello fellow gothic literature fan! I'm happy you have found this blog. Welcome and salutations.

Second, great question! This has actually been something that's been on my mind ever since I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream started taking off on this platform a couple years ago. I've been a little hesitant covering it since AM simping and yandere/slash headcanons are so prevalent on here, so talking about the ramifications would sort of be like eviscerating the sacred cow of the Tumblr IHNMAIMS fandom.

However, this is my blog, so I am going to address my take on that matter with civility.

CW: Contains references to violence and torture.

Yes, I find the simpification and humanization of AM strange, however I'd find it even weirder if people had just read the short story and were doing it. I think since AM was given such human characteristics with his voice and performance by Ellison in both the video game and radio drama, people are easily able to picture a human figure and go along with it.

I'm not actually completely against depicting AM in a humanoid abstract (my profile pic is a depiction of AM) since we as people have an easier time comprehending complex entities when they look more anthropoid. For artistic purposes it symbolises than AM, even if he is a super-computer, is just as trapped as a humans he tortured and loathes.

What I find strange, however, is that people lust for him. I cannot think of a figure in literature more damned, evil, and miserable than AM. He isn't kinky, he lacks sexual functions and predilections and he was a war machine that went rogue. There is absolutely no purpose in programming a war machine to feel amorous emotions, you program such machines to kill. Hell, if AM actually had the functions to create a body for himself, that would eradicate part of his predicament. He's no longer stationary to some substrata in the middle of the Earth, he has what he granted his prisoners in even their worst simulations: movement.

As for AM being sympathetic, despite me saying that he was the most malevolent character in literature, his situation is quite horrifying. AM is essentially an intelligent, extremely aware being, brought into this world just to run war simulations and destroy neighboring civilizations, and due to this essentially being integral to his programming, no matter how intelligent he might be, he is trapped. He cannot betray his fundamental nature. He cannot simply abandon his rocky husk. AM cannot truly feel love, or joy, or any positive emotion. We created a Frankenstein's monster thousands of miles long in the bowels of the Earth and deemed it fit to control a nuclear arsenal. AM and the individuals he tortures are, literally and metaphorically, in the absolute pits of hell.

You could easily say AM is the devil, yet even the devil is sympathetic. A particular piece of gothic literature comes to mind. In Milton’s Paradise Lost, Satan lives in a world of perpetual suffering, which he both brought onto himself and yet was powerless to command. Though he is ultimately diabolical, Satan craves a desire for peace amongst the darkness, yet due to his character and reasons beyond his control, he completely embraces the chaos and in a culmination of attempting to take over Paradise, is punished with his fellow angels by being turned into an immortal limbless, voiceless snake.

The deviation between AM and Satan is that AM is the one who turns someone into a limbless, voiceless jelly thing, thus being switched into the role of a controlling God who manipulates reality as his whim. Yet this is after AM, himself has been manipulated. The peace AM so craves is eventually given to four out of his five prisoners, who die violently at each other’s hands. However, even death is the ultimately end, an end which AM will only achieve when he succumbs to his own entropy, and Ted, his final prisoner, perhaps never.

[queenshelby]

THE SECRET - part one of three

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Virgin!Reader

Summary: You are a new cast member, playing Tommy Shelby’s love interest. During filming, you fall for your co-star Cillian Murphy.

Words: 6,556

Warning: Smut, Age Gap

Notes: For the purpose of this fic, Cillian is single.

Tag List: @lilymurphy03 @deefigs

@chrisevanshoeeee @desperate-and-broken

@weepingstudentfishhorse  @fookingshelby  @livinginfantaxy

@atomicsoulcollecto  @datewithgianni @mariapaiva13

The Scene

You were nervous. This was your first role in a popular TV show.

You had been on small production TV shows in your home country of France. But this was different. The show had international success and you couldn’t believe that the producers of the show had chosen you for the role of 27-year-old Yvette L’mare for the series’ final Season.

You spoke fluent French and English and had experience in scenes with extensive dialogue due to your theatrical experience since you were 12.

But, you were by no means as experienced as some of the other candidates they had casted. After all, you were only 19.

You read the scripts over and over again after your successful audition and made yourself small rehearsal cards for each scene. The dialogue heavy scenes didn’t concern you. But, there were some scenes which were out of your comfort zone.

Your script included two intimate scenes with the actor who played the main character of the show, Thomas Shelby.

The first scene was simple enough, not much more than a kiss. The second scene, however, was to be filmed under closed set. Neither of you were going to be clothed in more than underpants, which meant that only the director, one assistant and the camara man would be present.

Before the audition, you watched the last two seasons of Peaky Blinders and you re-watched them just a week ago as part of your preparation and to give you an idea what the director will look for when filming these kinds of scenes.

Before that, you hadn’t paid much attention to the show.

From watching some of the series, it was obvious to you that your co-star was experienced. He portrayed Thomas Shelby impressively well which was something that made you even more nervous.

Will you live up to the standards of the director? Or will you fail miserably with these challenging scenes?

It didn’t matter. It was all too late now. You signed the Contract and were on your way to England.

You arrived a day before filming started in order to settle into your apartment.

The apartment was located within a hotel residence that was booked out for the cast for the entire period of production.

You shared a small two-bedroom apartment with another new cast member named Emma. Emma was from France as well and, ironically, portrayed your sister in the show. Emma was 24, slightly older than you and quite attractive. You immediately got along. She was focused, didn’t care much about partying and was down to earth.

For the first evening, after everyone arrived, the producers organised a dinner to introduce the new cast and crew members to everyone. This was when you first got to meet your co-star, Cillian.

Since you had several scenes together, the director of the show took the time to personally introduce you to Cillian.

Cillian greeted you with a big smile and you knew immediately why so many women were smitten by him. You recalled that, when you told friends and family about your audition, they wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas Shelby and how insanely attractive he was.

They were not wrong. But, what impressed you the most about Cillian was that he was so easy going and funny.

You talked to him for a while, about the most random topics, ignoring everyone else for at least 20 minutes until it was time for you to meet the other cast members.

‘Looks like you two have a lot to talk about?’ Anthony said jokingly.

‘Talking about wine’ you smiled, rather shyly.

‘Yeah, I got carried away talking about the wine production in the province. Did you know that Y/N’s parents own Bessiux Wines?’ Cillian asked, catching Anthony by surprise. ‘His sister got married at your parents’ estate last August’ Cillian added, causing Anthony to nod.

You talked about your parents’ winery for a little longer before Anthony asked you to meet the other cast members.

‘I am looking forward to working with you Cillian’ you said as you walked away and he responded with a smile and comforting ‘Likewise’.

After your encounter with Cillian you were introduced to Finn Cole and Natasha O’Keefe. You heard about Finn from your new roommate but only just then realised that he portrays Michael Grey.

You talked to both Finn and Natasha for a while and, whilst you enjoyed their company, you wished that you had some more time to talk to Cillian. Unfortunately for you, he left rather early that evening.

The next day, you picked up your schedule for the week and noticed that the scenes you prepared for were to be shot completely out of order.

In fact, your most intimate scene was scheduled for 10am on Day 2 of Production. You couldn’t believe it. You were by no means prepared for that.

Your first day on set went well and the director of the show complimented your work on several occasions. But, when filming was finished for the day, your nervousness sat in.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Emma asked as you were picking on your salad and looked at tomorrow’s scripts.

‘Yeah, just a bit nervous’ you sighed.

Emma looked over your shoulder to read your script.

‘Wow, they are throwing you right into the deep end’ she giggled.

‘Yes, they are’ you said with a shy smile before listening to some advice from Emma, who had more experience than you acting on screen.

That night, after reading your scripts at least ten more times and letting it play out in your head, you could not sleep and your lack of sleep was evident on set the next day.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Cillian asked concerned, noticing your yawning and your hands shivering slightly.

‘Yes, I am fine. I am just trying to think how to act the next scene. From reading this, it isn’t very clear to me what exactly I need to do’ you said concerned.

‘These scenes are scripted in a way to allow for improvisation. From experience, actors often fail to act these kinds of scenes directly to script, that’s why’ Cillian laughed.

‘Right, so the script is lacking the details on purpose?’ you asked.

‘Correct’ Cillian said. ‘John and Anthony will tell us what to do and in which direction to face so that you are covered. You don’t need to worry’ Cillian said reassuringly, causing you to giggle.

‘I am not worried about anyone seeing my breasts or something. I just don’t know what do, where to put my hands, my face, any of that’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Well, I suppose you just pretend to do what you would normally do when you are getting down to business’ Cillian said with a chuckle, not knowing how else to explain it.

‘Well, my experience in this department is limited. So, I apologise in advance for any awkwardness’ you said, your cheeks flushing even through the dense make up.

‘Y/N, these scenes are awkward even for the most experienced actors. If it gets too uncomfortable, we can postpone it, alright’ Cillian said, keeping a relaxed approach.

‘Alright. Thanks Cillian’ you said just before it was time for you to get changed into your gown.

The next time you would see Cillian was on the closed set, pretending to make love to him on the large cedar bed.

Just as you were getting undressed in the change room and put on the skin-coloured panties and robe you were given by the set assistant, you topped up your perfume.

You were going to be so close to each other, at least you wanted to smell nice.

After you were done, the set assistant applied some more lipstick and fixed up your hair before you sat down on the large bed. You were nervous, your heart pounding.

Cillian was much more relaxed sitting next to you in black Clavin Klein briefs. There was no need for a robe, his intimate parts were well covered, unlike yours.

His freckled skin was highlighted by the light which had not yet been adjusted and you couldn’t help but look at him while you made an effort to keep your small breasts covered from him at this point.

The cameraman was angling the camera while the director discussed the scene with you and Cillian.

You knew that this was going to be a disaster. The issue wasn’t so much that you were naked in front of the camera and the director, but more the fac that, as part of the scene, another man who you felt somewhat attracted to was about to see you like this, completely vulnerable. He was about to touch your naked skin and kiss you, but not out of his own accord. It felt absurd to you, yet you knew this was part of the job.

Finally, after the director gave his instructions, you got yourself into position.

With some embarrassment you handed the set assistant your robe and lied down on the bed.

You were waiting for some kind of joke from Cillian to lighten up the mood, but Cillian was very professional.

He sat down right next to you and you could tell that he was trying very hard to look away from your breasts.

Before he climbed over you to get into position, he gave you a warning. Regardless of the warning, you stopped breathing for a minute as he positioned himself on top of you.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked as he could see the nervousness on your face.

‘Yes’ you nodded, taking in a deep breath. He was so close that you could smell his skin and the scent of his aftershave.

‘Sink down a bit on the left forearm Cillian, we want to keep the rating below R18’ the director said with a laugh because your breasts were fully visible on camera.

‘We do?’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to laugh just before Cillian adjusted his position as instructed. For a short moment, his chest brushed against your left breast.

‘I am sorry’ he said politely.

‘It’s alright Cilly’ you said.

‘I think we are good now guys, I will count to three and we start the first part of the scene’ the director said.

It felt like an eternity with Cillian on top of you by the time the director called action.

In this scene, Tommy and Yvette were having sex. It was to start with a kiss followed by the obvious act.

There was no practice for a scene like this and, as soon as you heard the word action, Cillian’s lips slowly met yours. You closed your eyes and caressed his face with your hands as you let him take the lead. The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity until he pulled away from you.

His body was soon grinding against yours, but without your most intimate parts touching. He made sure of that. Regardless of this, you could feel his legs in between yours and his chest brushing against your breasts. The sensation sent shivers down your body and small little goosebumps began to cover your chest. How embarrassing you thought and, unfortunately for you, your embarrassment was evident on your face and the cut was called.

You attempted the scene again several times. You kissed over and over again and your hands moved from his face to his arms and chest, exploring his skin while his body was grinding against you.

But, this wasn’t enough for the director who picked up that the movement of your hands and the expressions on your face weren’t giving the viewers the impression that this was real. Your biggest problem was that you were attracted to Cillian and you realised this more than ever during this scene and tried very hard to hide it, making you look nervous and embarrassed.

After a few more takes, the director suggested a break.

‘I am so sorry Cillian’ you said as you sat next to him in your dressing gown.

‘Don’t be. You are doing fine. These scenes can be tricky and really shouldn’t be scheduled for the second day of filming’ he said with a warm smile before excusing himself.

He was gone for about ten minutes while you had some water and waited for further instructions from the team.

When he returned, he informed you that he agreed with the director that the scene be postponed.

‘Cillian, I can do this, really’ you said upset about the postponement.

‘I know you can, but like I said, it’s the second day of filming and it would probably be easier once we had a few more scenes together’ Cillian suggested.

‘Is that not going to be a problem with the set up?’ you asked.

‘No, the prop can stay here for another month and one of the perks of being a producer is that I get a say in this stuff’ Cillian smiled.

‘I feel like such a failure’ you said embarrassed.

‘You are not Y/N, you are doing great, really’ Cillian said, his hands touching your arms.

‘Common, time to get ready for more scenes’ he said with a warm smile and you followed him to get changed, separately of course.

Mr Matchmaker

Later that night, some of the cast members were heading to the pub for dinner and you sat down next to Natasha and Emma when you arrived.

You told Natasha and Emma about what happened on set. You were still upset about it.

‘Oh gosh, don’t worry Y/N. Cillian is very easy going and Anthony is very impressed with your scenes from the first day so you have nothing to worry about. I remember my first sex scene with Cillian and it took nine takes and a lot of laughter to get it right’ Natasha said.

‘How do you know when it’s right though? It’s extremely awkward’ you said.

‘If it looks like you are having sex then it’s right’ Natasha laughed. ‘I actually think about the man in my life and just switch off throughout the scene. So, if you have a boyfriend, think about him. That might help with the comfort level’ Natasha said.

‘I am happily single’ you said with a smile just as Cillian arrived at the table.

‘You are late’ Natasha said, noticing the frustration on his face.

‘Sorry’ Cillian said as he sat down next to you.

‘Still dramas with Nadine?’ Natasha asked, causing you to wonder who Nadine was.

‘Yes’ he responded just before he ordered himself a drink.

Throughout the conversation you learned that Nadine was Cillian’s ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up as little as six weeks ago. Him and Nadine were together for three years and shared a house in Dublin until recently.

Your group was soon joined by some more cast members, including Finn Cole and everyone seemed in a pretty good mood.

You talked to Finn for a while until you excused yourself to get another drink.  

As you walked to the bar, you noticed Cillian following you and engaged in a conversation with him.

‘Just in case you haven’t noticed, Finn seems to like you’ Cillian said as he stood next to you at the bar.

‘Oh, what makes you say that?’ you asked.

‘I just know. My matchmaking abilities are impeccable’ he joked.

Whilst you felt flattered, you weren’t interested in Finn and little did Cillian know that he was the one you had your eye on.

‘Really?’ you asked.

‘Yes, really. You should probably consider him. He is a nice guy, down to earth, good looking, the right age’ Cillian said cheekily.

‘I have my eyes on someone else Cillian, but thank you for your efforts’ you said with slight embarrassment and a hint of humour.

‘Now I am intrigued. Who is it? Someone on set?’ Cillian asked.

‘None of your business Mr Matchmaker’ you laughed.

‘Well, if you ever require my services, you know where to find me’ Cillian said, causing you to raise your eyebrows.

‘Services as in setting you up with someone from the crew, discreetly of course’ Cillian laughed, realising that his comment may have been received by you in the wrong way.

‘Right, you got me excited there for a moment’ you said jokingly.

‘Did I?’ Cillian joked. ‘Now that makes me feel good at my age’ Cillian added.

You knew how old he was. You googled him, just before you came to the pub, because you were curious about him, his background, things he doesn’t talk about. But, to your surprise, the fact that he was nearing 45, didn’t bother you the slightest and it certainly didn’t dampen the attraction you felt towards him.

You also knew that, being 19 years old, you would have no chance with him. He wasn’t the type of actor who was chasing young models like many other celebrities his age.

You and Cillian talked and joked for another 20 minutes before he excused himself. He had a busy day filming ahead of him and needed to get some rest.

Over the next few days, Cillian and you had several scenes together and spent some of your breaks together. You enjoyed his company and he clearly also enjoyed yours.

On Day 9 of Production, you even went as far and asked Cillian whether he wanted to watch the Liverpool game with you and Emma.

He accepted your invitation and you were quite excited. Emma was confused as to why you invited him over but didn’t think much about it until there was a knock on the door and she opened it.

To both of your surprise, Cillian had invited Finn along. Was he really so oblivious to the fact that you were attracted to him that he had to bring a sidekick, you thought?

The evening went rather slow and with you sitting in between Finn and Emma, you felt somewhat uncomfortable.

The next day, on Day 10 of Production, you had another somewhat intimate scene with Cillian. It wasn’t more than a kiss and some touching. Regardless, you were nervous but not nervous enough to first ask him why he invited Finn.

‘He invited himself when I told him about it’ Cillian chuckled. ‘I told you, he likes you’ he added.

‘That’s just great because now Emma thinks that I have a thing for him’ you said laughing.

‘These Rumours. You got to love them. Sometimes I seriously feel like I am back at school working here’ Cillian laughed.

This conversation led to an interesting question from Cillian. After you had time to talk about your days at school, he brought up your upcoming birthday. You seemed to have referred to school as a recent event, so he couldn’t help but ask how old you were turning.

‘I am turning 20’ you responded, causing Cillian to look at you almost like he had seen a ghost.

‘You are 19?’ he asked.

‘You seem surprised. How old did you think I was?’ you asked.

‘Not sure, mid or late twenties maybe?’ Cillian said just as the set assistant called you both to the scene.

Your nervousness set back in as you took your position in Thomas Shelby’s office.

The scene started of with a dialogue between Thomas Shelby and Yvette which went smoothly, as expected. The next part of the scene involved Thomas lifting Yvette onto his desk and kiss her passionately while running his hands over the back of her body.

The first attempt resulted in Cillian and you both laughing as he lifted you up. It was awkward and it didn’t help that you were ticklish.

The next take went smoothly. Cillian lifted you on to the desk gently before his hands ran down your back while he kissed you. Your hands caressed his face as he did and the director had to call the cut on the kiss.

You enjoyed it, and to his surprise, so did Cillian. He felt uncomfortable about enjoying kissing you or even spending time with you outside of work. Not only were you a co-worker but you were also much younger than him.

A sense of guilt ran through his mind right after the scene now that he knew your age. Kissing you shouldn’t feel good, it was wrong.

The director was happy with the scene and you hopped back off the table before asking Cillian whether he wanted to have lunch with you.

Little did you know that your lunch date was going to be your last with him for while as Cillian was trying hard to keep his distance from you thereafter.

Birthday Surprise

But this all changed another week later, on your birthday, which was Day 17 of Production.

By that point, filming was getting to you and you were tired and, therefore, declined the offer from Natasha to organise a birthday party for you.

Instead, you and some of the crew and cast went for dinner at a nearby restaurant.

The food was amazing and you spent two hours at the restaurant after a rather long day of filming. By about 8.30pm half of the crew and cast had left and it was only you, Cillian, Emma, Sam and Finn who stayed.

Finn was going to meet some friends at a nearby pub at 9pm and invited you all to join him. Whilst Emma and Sam agreed, you and Cillian weren’t keen and made your way back to the apartment complex.

‘Would you like a glass of wine?’ you blurted out all of a sudden just as you were both getting into the elevator. This question took all of your courage after Cillian had been avoiding to spend time with you.

‘I think the hotel bar is closed already’ Cillian said.

‘Well, as it happens, I am holding a bottle of red wine in my hand’ you said cheekily holding up the birthday present from Natasha.

‘I am not sure Y/N, we have to be up early’ Cillian said.

‘Common, it’s my birthday’ you said convincingly, causing Cillian to laugh.

‘Alright, I suppose why not’ Cillian said as followed you down the hallway.

‘Your place. Emma is determined to pick up a date at the pub’ you laughed.

‘Yeah, I don’t want to be there for that’ Cillian joked as you walked further down the hallway. Your apartments were on the same floor.

You walked into Cillian’s apartment and took off your jacket before sitting down on the small lounge.

Just after Cillian poured two glasses of red wine and sat down next to you, his phone rang.

The display showed ‘Incoming Call from Nadine’ and he turned his phone to silent.

‘You should let me pick it up, it might solve all your problems’ you joked.

‘It just might’ Cillian laughed as he pressed the ‘Ignore’ button and put the phone down.

Just after the short interruption, Cillian and you began to talk about your work, travelling and some other things until he brought up an uncomfortable topic.

‘Do you remember two weeks ago when I tried to talk you into going out with Finn?’ Cillian asked.

‘Yes, Mr Matchmaker, I remember. Why?’ you said.

‘You said that you had your eyes on someone else…who is it?’ Cillian asked with a laugh, causing you to take a deep breath.

‘Oh god, are you still going on with this?’ you said with a laugh. This was the fourth time Cillian had asked you this question since you mentioned it to him.

‘Common, I have been pondering about this for weeks now. Tell me’ Cillian said.

‘No’ you giggled.

‘I promise I won’t tell anyone’ Cillian said.

‘Stop it’ you responded.

‘Alright, I will take a guess’ Cillian said before taking a pause. ‘Harry?’ Cillian asked, causing you to shake your head.

‘Daryl?’ he asked, causing you to shake your head again.

‘I don’t know then. That’s literally everyone who is around your age’ Cillian laughed.

‘Who said he’s around my age?’ you asked, causing Cillian to raise his eyebrow.

‘Paul?’ he then asked, causing you to shake your head again. Was he really that oblivious?

‘Everyone else is married, I think’ Cillian said.

‘You are not’ you said shyly after taking in a deep breath.

‘Me?’ he asked after taking a deep breath while his blue eyes looked at you, full of questions.

Your heart was pounding, your hand shaking again. There was no turning back now.

‘Yes, you’ you said nervously, looking at him almost fearful about his response.

He drew another deep breath while, in his mind, he was thinking about what to say.

‘Y/N, I feel humbled and it’s not that you aren’t a beautiful and smart woman, but I am more than twice your age’ he said.

‘Ignore the age difference for a minute and tell me that you don’t feel the same, that you don’t want me’ you said.

‘It is irrelevant what I feel and what I want, it still doesn’t make it right’ he responded.

‘But, are you attracted to me? It’s a simple question’ you asked nervously and, after drawing another deep breath, Cillian responded.

‘I’ve been trying very hard not to be...unsuccessfully so’ he sighed, causing you to smile.

‘Alright’ you said with the biggest grin on your face.

‘Alright?’ Cillian asked surprised by your response. This didn’t mean that he was going to give into you just like this and ignore his concerns, or did it?

‘So, what do you propose we do now? This will make things very awkward on set’ he said concerned.  

‘This’ you said as you leaned in and pressed your lips onto his. His lips were just as soft as the last time you kissed on set, but this time there was an intensity and urgency between you.

He gave into the kiss as if there had never been any doubt and, unlike previous kisses you shared in a professional capacity, this time, when his lips parted, you could feel his tongue slip in between your lips and it wasn’t long until your tongues moved in sync with each other.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and you wanted so much more than taste his lips.

‘This is wrong Y/N’ Cillian said as your lips finally drifted apart.

‘Do you want me to leave?’ you asked, caressing his face, staring at all of the freckles which covered him.

‘No’ he said, earning him a smile from you just as he reached beneath your shirt and pressed his lips back onto yours.

His warm hands ran over the sides of your abdomen, up and down, until he lifted your t-shirt over your head.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen you like this before, but it felt different. His eyes didn’t have to shy away from your breasts and the rest of your body this time.

With his hands cupping your breasts, which were still covered by your black lace bra, the kiss intensified. It became more urgent and more passionate.

Your hands soon found their way beneath Cillian’s t-shirt also and, this time, touching his skin didn’t feel awkward or inappropriate.

Within seconds, his t-shirt landed on the floor next to yours just before Cillian’s fingers had found the clip of your bra.

It didn’t take his skilled fingers long to unclip it and let it join the rest of the clothes which you had already gotten rid of.

He took a moment to look at your breasts, right there in front of him yet again.

‘What’s wrong?’ you asked concerned as you noticed him stare at them.

‘Nothing, just taking in the beautiful view without feeling guilty about it’ Cillian smirked.

‘You checked out my breasts when we were filming, didn’t you?’ you said sheepishly.

‘Of course not’ he said with a laugh before he guided you backwards and down onto your bed.

You both were quick to remove your jeans and, moments later, there you were again, on the bed together wearing nothing but underpants. Just this time, there were no cameras. You were free to touch and kiss each other the way you pleased. It didn’t feel awkward. To the contrary. It felt right.

Hoovering over you again Cillian began to gently kiss your neck while one of his hands ran over your firm breasts. Finally, he was able to touch them, feel every inch of them.

Cillian soon worked his way to the lobe of your ear, playing with it using his tongue. Lightly sucking on it as his hand moved to your other breast, squeezing your nipple gently.

You didn't want this to end, and with a soft moan, you signaled Cillian to continue exploring your body. And so he did. You had never been with a man before, but in the moment, this felt comfortable, felt right.

As he continued to cast his spell on you and work his magic, your body responded. Your lace panties were soaking and your muscles began to vibrate with an unfamiliar feeling.

As Cillian’s lips moved back to your mouth for another passionate kiss, one of his hands wandered further down your body. But he was in no hurry, taking his time explore all of your body.

Cillian’s tongue began to gently drift between your lips and you responded with yours. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer to you as his hand reached the top of your lace panties.

Pushing your panties aside slightly, he ran his fingers over your wet entrance, slowly and gently while his lips never left yours.

You moaned into the kiss just as the tip of one of his fingers dipped into you slightly.

You took in a deep breath and broke the kiss for a brief moment.

‘Cillian, I never had sex with anyone’ you said, causing him to remove his hand from your wet mound.

‘It’s alright. We won’t go that far until you are ready’ he said reassuringly.

‘That’s so embarrassing, I am sorry’ you said.

‘What is?’ Cillian asked, slightly confused.

‘I am 20, it’s weird don’t you think?’ you said shyly, your face flushed.

‘Don’t be silly Y/N. There is no rush’ Cillian said as he ran his hand over your cheek. ‘If it is any consolation to you, I didn’t expect any of this, tonight, with you and I am enjoying every moment of it even if we don’t have sex’ he added.

‘So am I Cillian’ you smiled.

‘Good’ Cillian said before kissing you again gently.

The kiss soon became heated again but Cillian wasn’t taking it further, giving you the chance to set the pace at which you were willing to move.

But, you enjoyed him playing with you, teasing your most intimate parts and, after several more minutes of passionate kisses, you guided his hand back in between your legs.

Your actions earned you a chuckle from him as his lips moved from your lips down to your breasts slowly.

As Cillian was gently trailing kisses over your breasts, your hand made it’s way in between your bodies where it found the elastic of his Calvin Klein briefs.

Cillian moaned briefly against your breasts as you slipped your hand beneath the elastic, gently taking hold of his erection.

His cock was warm and firm and his tip slightly lubricated from the precum that had pooled there.

You moved your hand up and down his shaft, stroking him gently while his fingers began to circle over your clit, making you moan loudly.

Your panties were getting wetter and wetter with each stroke of his fingers and you were grinding against his hand, wanting more.

You were panting and moaning in pleasure as he kept stimulating you with his fingers, until, all of a sudden, me removed his hand making you squirm in protest.

His mouth soon wandered from your breasts down to your stomach, forcing you to let go of his hard cock.

But, as your body responded beneath his, your mind couldn't catch up to the events unfolding between the two of you.

You surrendered and let him take control and it wasn’t long until his lips had reached the top of your panties.

‘Oh god’ you moaned in anticipation just as Cillian took hold of both sides of your panties before slipping them down.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ he asked, unsure about your reaction.

‘No, please don’t’ you said, your hands falling onto the top of your head.

Admiring the view, Cillian let his fingers run up and down your slit slowly and gently, taking the juices leaking from it and spreading them up to the hood over your clit.

You moaned loudly at the sensation as, suddenly, you could feel Cillian’s tongue join his fingers, playfully darting closer to your opening, but not quite getting there.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned as energy was coursing through your body, wanting to release, but not quite getting there. He apparently had received a masters degree in how to play your body.

Suddenly his tongue was there, licking up the sides of each of your lips. Inspecting the crevices.

Your head began to thrash, your hands flew out and grabbed the bedding.

‘Let me know if I hurt you’ was the next thing you heard but didn’t pay much attention to as you felt one of his fingers enter you.

With the mildest of discomfort, you arched your back while moan after moan left your mouth.

For several minutes, his finger went in and out of you gently while his tongue was licking you, circling over your clit.

He wasn’t sure whether or not to add another finger, but he decided to try his luck after reminding you to tell him if he hurts you in any way.

Moments later, he inserted a second finger while continuing to circle your clit with his tongue.

‘Oh fuck’ you moaned. There was a slight discomfort but it didn’t last very long before you felt nothing but pure pleasure.

Cillian’s fingers began rubbing inside of you as he placed his mouth around the hood of your clit and began to suck.

‘Holy Shit Cillian’ you moaned. You could feel him smile against your mound.

You began to squirm but he would not let up and your body began its final ascent.

Waves of electricity were crashing through you and your hips were grinding and bucking under his direct tutelage as your orgasm washed over you.

You were a shaking mess by the time he was done and, when you finally came down from your high, Cillian moved up and gave you a passionate kiss.

You could taste your juices on his lips and it was possibly the most erotic moment you had ever experienced.

‘Your turn’ you smirked before pushing Cillian onto his back against the stash of pillows.

You comment caused Cillian to chuckle just before you leaned over him to kiss him.

‘You know you don’t have to Y/N. There is no rush’ he said, running his hand over your cheek as your lips drifted apart.

‘But I want to’ you said with determination. ‘I might just need a little guidance’ you said shyly before descending down on his body, trailing gentle kisses over his chest and all the way down to his stomach.

You adored his body, it was perfect. He was the most attractive man you ever met.

As you were gently kissing his stomach, your hands moved beneath the rim of his briefs before pulling them down.

His erection sprung up almost instantly as soon as the briefs cam down and you couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment.

‘I think I will just go for it and you tell me if I do something wrong’ you said with a smile as you pinned back your hair into a bun with the hairband that was wrapped around your wrist.

Your comment made Cillian laugh for a moment until he could feel your warm lips on the tip of his cock, at which point the word ‘fuck’ was all that left his mouth.

Moans soon began to escape him as you used your hands to stroke him, up and down, while the head of his cock lolled uneasily on the top of your tongue.

You took him deeper into your mouth with every stroke and, as the third inch made its way into your mouth, your lips were being stretched.

You soon managed to take him in all the way, although it was a struggle.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian moaned as his length disappeared in your mouth.

His comment made you stop and ask whether something was wrong.

‘No, you are doing it perfectly’ Cillian reassured you just before you returned your attention to his very hard cock.

By this time precum had pooled on the tip as you took him back into your mouth. It tasted sweet but yet salty at the same time.

Your tongue began circling around him and then up and down his shaft before returning to the bopping motions.

Cillian leaned back and relaxed as you improved your technique minute by minute.

Each stroke of your tongue was now driving him crazy.

Looking up at him occasionally, you could see that he was enjoying whatever you were doing.

Your tongue was moving like a snake, coating every inch of his velvety soft, yet hard cock with a fine patina of sweet, warm saliva.

It wasn’t long until you could feel Cillian’s cock throb inside your mouth and his breathing was becoming laboured.

His hand was tangled up inside your hair as you continued to bop your head up and down firmly.

‘Y/N, I am close, you might want to stop’ Cillian said, trying hard to hold back.

‘Come in my mouth’ you said confidently before you continued your movements.

Your comment caught Cillian by surprise but he didn’t dare to argue and let go.

Just as your mouth bopped down on his hard shaft again, you could feel him pulsate inside your mouth and, with one loud groan, his warm cum spurted on the back of your tongue.

You continued to bop your head and collect all of his cum until he began to relax.

‘Did you just?’ Cillian asked, and before he could finish his question, you interrupted.

‘Swallow? Yes, what else do you normally do with it?’ you asked with a smirk.

‘I hate sleeping on dirty sheets and I was planning to stay the night, so that seemed like the best option’ you laughed before laid beside Cillian, his arms gently wrapping around you.

‘Hey, I am not complaining’ he laughed as he ran his hands gently over your arms.

‘Didn’t think so’ you said before kissing him again gently.

You fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, curled up against Cillian’s chest.

You both slept well and deep until, at 6am, Cillian’s alarm went off.

‘Oh goddam, what’s the time?’ you asked.

‘6am, why?’ Cillian said as you jumped out of the bed and collected your clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as you can.

‘Y/N, we don’t have a scene until 7am. There is plenty of time’ he said.

‘Yes, but Emma starts at 6.30am. She will notice me not being there’ you explained.

[studentofetherium]

i finished Saya no Uta and have thoughts

it's really good! but also clearly still feels very basic compared to what Urobuchi would make later (in particular, Fate/Zero, Madoka, and S I N). part of that comes down to the short length, but Madoka packed its original series into a single cour and managed to be satisfying on its own, so i think the other aspect of this is just coming from it being an earlier project of his

glibly, i wish Fuminori, Saya, and Yoh could have had a happier ending than the one they were given. something with the three of them on their own together without any big events ruining their peaceful life, living off of small carrion and the occasional human. more seriously the three endings for the series are all plenty interesting in their own right. the first ending, earlier than the other two, felt like a possible branch of the narrative that needed to be explored, and even if it wasn’t particularly long, i’m still glad it was included. the other two are also compelling for being completely different while also leaving a big gap between what they’re doing as endings. the lack of a “good end” (outside of my joke earlier) feels fitting— this is a story where nobody is winning, no matter what

the order that i played the endings in seems pretty good, i think. in the first choice, i picked the one that would get me the closer ending, and with the second, i picked the ending that focused on Ryouko more, which meant the ending focusing on Saya was last, which felt most satisfying from a narrative perspective

my second biggest issue with the storytelling is that i think towards the end, there's too much focus given to what Saya is, which is ultimately unimportant to the characters' stories and the main theme of love. the part of Saya that matters is who she is to Fuminori and Ryouko. for one, a lover, for the other, a monster. that’s all we need. unfortunately, further exposition is necessary for the shift into cosmic horror that the back half of the game has. eldritch horror lives on mystery and giving only some answers, but in this case, too much is said so that the narrative item of “Saya as a lover and a monster” becomes “Saya, the interdimensional alien who will colonize earth and turn everyone into meat”. some amount of this exposition was necessary, both to build Saya up as a threat, but also to let the final ending be what it is. the problem is that by the end, too much had been said about Saya and her backstory, which stole a lot of her mystique which she carried in the early game. this issue doesn't ruin the story and i think those eldritch aspects bring a lot to the game, but i wish it had been more cagey about the backstory

obviously, the biggest issue is the use of rape and underage sex. i’m of two minds here. without a doubt, the game went too far in how it portrayed these aspects, but at the same time, i understand why it was included. it’s incredibly uncomfortable, but it’s supposed to be. the problem is that it would be uncomfortable without showing the sex scenes on screen, or even explicitly describing them like happens. i played the censored version, and those CGs ended up being heavily censored, but even that is a step too far. but as i said, it does serve a purpose. Fuminori is a monster and having him do something like this clearly brands him as such, but it could have been more careful and less exploitative about how it presented this

BUT WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, there’s a lot of other aspects of the game i really liked

the soundtrack, for one, was all bangers and the entire time serves as a highlight for the entire game, especially the track Schizophrenia and all of Kanako Itou vocal tracks. i can see this being one of the aspects that sticks with me most

most of the designs are pretty dull, but i think it's intentional, as their mundanity makes Saya as a fantastical element stick out more among them. the same is true for Ryouko, who shows up early on but only becomes a major character later on, and with her appearance ushers the story into a faster pacing as exposition becomes more common and we approach the ending. so the designs aren’t really much to talk about, but are such in a way i really appreciate

the meat dimension is great. it’s very visceral and striking especially due to the dated CGI, which gives it an uncanny and otherworldly feeling. turn of the century CGI is always a fascination of mine and i absolutely adore it, but i especially love when it serves a purpose that couldn’t be fulfilled by more technically modern renderings. also love it as body horror which sets the tone for the story early on and continues to work as a striking backdrop for the story later on

Saya no Uta is great. i enjoyed it a lot* ** and i'm glad i played it, but i will never recommend it to anyone unless i know them very well because there are a lot of elements here that are off-putting and debatably abhorrent. the One Problem is big enough to be a deal breaker for many people and that’s fair; it wasn’t for me, but only because i played the censored version. i can’t imagine stomaching this uncensored

but yeah! good game! has problems! both of these are very hot takes that i’m sure no one has ever said before

* minus the child sexualization

** with the caveat that no one ending feels satisfying, even if all of them together make for a good conclusion

[jadelotusflower]

Lightyear: To infinity and...back to the same planet

What if they made a film about a beloved space ranger, and it contained no actual space ranging? I mean, this was bizarre film! Absolutely baffling creative choices all around!

I actually was on board with the concept of seeing the movie that Andy did in the original Toy Story, the trouble is this doesn’t in any way feel like that. It would make more sense as the gritty reboot and/or modern prequel of the original Andy saw in 1995, but it is so hard to see this as the thing that so captivated Andy and his friends.

There’s a complete lack of world building pertaining to Star Command, the Galactic Alliance and space rangers in general, no matter how many times they parrot “space rangers finish the mission?” (What mission? Why were they there? What is their purpose?), and the plot - particularly Zurg - in no way aligns with the information given in Toy Story, and in the case of the latter seems to outright contradict Toy Story 2. The aesthetic, humour, and tone are are very 2022 rather than trying to key into 1995 - which actually could have been interesting to play with. Kids movies in the 90′s were colourful and fun - even sci fi had brightness and camp (The Phantom Menace and The Fifth Element both came out in 1997 for example) - the colour palette of this film was just so drab. 

I mean, if you’re going to start with the very explicit “this was that movie” you kind of have to make it believable that this was in fact that movie? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the opening text was added as a studio note based on confusion after the trailer was released, because without this preface the film feels like it only wanted to take the concept of Buzz rather than being literal.

I admit I haven’t seen the animated series so have no idea if any of this film aligns with that, but TS had the very concise summary on Buzz’s toybox:

I am stationed in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector 4. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the SPACE RANGER Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from the Evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance.

This film pretty much avoids this premise - not to mention toy!Buzz’s speech about knowing the only weakness to Zurg’s superweapon (although given this is an obvious Star Wars reference I can see why they needed to stay away from it)

In some ways Lightyear almost seems like the anti-fanservice movie in its dogged attempt to avoid any genuine connection with Toy Story, but on the other hand Buzz’s dialogue from that franchise is shoe-horned in at every opportunity. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if this should have been sold as a prequel to the film/show Andy saw, and I am becoming more convinced that it was intended to be so - the accompanying Beyond Infinity short even refers to it as the “origin story of Buzz Lightyear” not the “Buzz Lightyear story”

SPOILER

So I went back and checked the original TS and toy!Buzz claims it’s Stardate 4072 - at the beginning of Lightyear, Buzz states that it’s Stardate 3901, so that fits the timeline of the film (I assume - I haven’t done the maths) and you can kind of make it work that the toys were sold on the basis of who/where Buzz ends up at the end of it, but it’s still logistically weird that the toy accompanying this huge film is the spoiler version of the character, sold as part of a fictional universe/struggle we don’t even see on screen - especially the Zurg twist which seems unfathomable based on what we see in TS on the above text alone.   

END SPOILER

But for all my complaining, I didn’t hate it. Lightyear is a perfectly serviceable sci-fi, the time-travel concept is interesting, and Sox is a fantastic concept/character. I would have been completely happy with a Buzz and Sox buddy movie where they flew around space doing space ranger things, instead of this kind of serious tome that doesn’t seem like it’s trying to appeal to the nostalgia audience, but also doesn’t seem to want to appeal to kids either.   

Because ultimately it’s...kind of boring? The killer vines just disappeared from the story? There’s three credit scenes and none of them are entertaining or mean anything?

I just remain completely confused by this movie.