#but like conceptually I fucking cooked in that guy

[payphoneangel]

📝 Writing Patterns Tag Game 📝

Rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

Oooh how fun! Thank you for tagging me @shallowseeker 💞 I'm going to go in reverse chronological order to see how my writing style has developed as well!

Universal Donor When Sam applied to Stanford, he needed an ID, a permanent one. He decided to use Bobby’s address as his own, that was the only way he could know any papers Stanford sent would get to him safely, without Dad or Dean seeing. He crafts his fake drivers license carefully and delicately. Brown hair, hazel eyes, 5’11,” 150 lbs. He hesitates, for a moment, then writes “M” under sex. He pulls the license number off some freshly dead citizen of Huron, SD, as Bobby instructed. He looks again at the template driver’s license online, checking for anything else he’d need to add. At the very bottom corner, a little red heart sits before the word “DONOR.”

If I Believe You Dean pauses as he’s putting on his shirt, noting his body in the mirror. He’s wearing only his boxers. His eyes glance across the familiar rolls and splattering of tattoos. The freckles and the sunspots and the barest hint of wrinkles. Cas tells him he wears his age well. Dean tells himself he wears his age well. His eyes linger on his chest.

take my hand (hold on forever) Leviathan are so fucking loud. Tendrils wrap around Dean’s arm and waist, hoisting him off the ground. Dean plunges his knife into its side, and as a ‘thank you’ it howls right into his ear and sends him flying through the air. Landing heavily, he both hears and feels the crack of his chest before his head slams into the ground, hard. 

there's no cell service in the afterlife Castiel draws in a pained gasp.  He has lungs again, a mouth again. He opens his eyes, and the spinning floor of the dungeon welcomes him as he falls to his knees. He looks to where the brick meets concrete, the last place he saw Dean, the look of remorse and terror still seared into Castiel’s mind. Cas hears a thump behind him. He turns around. 

Not Whole, Not Holy A simmering feeling of longing starts to well in Castiel’s chest. It originates in the deepest part of his core, radiating outward in waves and fading into a tingling restlessness in his fingertips. He lets out a pained sigh, rolling over onto his side. The sunset glares a bright orange hue into his small cabin through the window. He covers his face with his arm, shutting out the dusty twilight, and waits.

A Midsummer Night's Dean “Y’know, I think Timon and Pumbaa are gay.”  Cas hums, considering. “Why do you think that?” 

Prelude It was a straightforward order.  Castiel finds the car in a small Midwest town, with only Dean inside.

Ask Me Why My Heart's Inside My Throat “Cas, you got your ears on? We got a problem we could use your help with.”  Dean’s voice resonates deeply in Castiel’s Grace. With a thought he flies to Dean, finding himself on a weathered fishing boat on the East coast. The ocean slaps against its side. The sky is swimming with the promise of rain.

Spellbound It wasn’t like he planned for this to happen.  Rowena held out her hand to Sam. “The crow beak, if you would.”  He had every intention— good and pure intention— of following Rowena’s instructions. But when they were in the same room together, she seemed to know exactly how to move and talk and even blink in the most distracting way possible. 

Long Black Cloud Coming Down Something was wrong with Sammy.  Course, they had just salted a spec. It was a shotgun rockin’ dug out salt’n’burn. Dean couldn’t exactly blame him for looking worse for wear. But there was an edge to the way he hunched over himself in the booth. He was bent like a paperback, folded and frayed. He looked sallow. Dean worried his thumb against the side of the linoleum tabletop.  Maybe it was just shitty diner lighting.

If anyone is interested in reading any of these, here they are.

Ah how fun to see them all lined up like this! I learned to be punchier with my intros as I went. My first couple of works start with big blocks of text, but I started playing around more with paragraph length by Take My Hand. And with the last two, I finally figured out how to write in past tense! Only took me 8 tries lol.

I think I developed a pattern for intros as I went: Short, punchy action/dialogue, followed by longer paragraph to explain the setting/situation.

It's interesting to see which characters/dynamics struck my fancy at any given time. I started with Sam Insanity, took a nice long stroll in the Destiel Enchanted Forest, then returned to my roots with more Sam Insanity.

Tagging: @kingflups @cutemothman @bloodydeanwinchester @kerryweaverlesbian and anyone else who'd like to play!

[stardustdiiving]

How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking

As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that

Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.

Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person

My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House

Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:

It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse

Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not

This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person

I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense

If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant

[arliedraws]

Do you have any stories where Sirius is genuinely a bad person/is much grayer than canon? This idea has been pinballing around my head (more like rocketing around causing severe damage) for a bit

It’s actually hard for me to conceptualize Sirius as a genuinely bad person. Narratively, you would really have to do a lot to make him a bad guy. I see him as capable of doing really bad things, but not without a heaping helping of guilt or a very good reason.

The stories where he’s a really bad person don’t really ring true because they’re usually written by people who don’t like his character. Or by people who want to see him fuck someone in a weird way.

But I’m sooooo curious about what you’ve got cooking

[davyjoneslockr]

3, 7, and 12, mista and fugo :3

TONY UNSHADOWBANNED PARTY I know this was from a month ago but I'm gonna answer it anyhow lmfao

(For this ask game)

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

For Mista, the Trish cleavage scene. You know the one. I don't think I have to explain this much. Boy Why Did You Do That. The only good thing to come out of that scene was jaunty jigglesacks + overeager horndog insane psychic damage combo of lines in the dub.

I could take this a lot of ways for Fugo tbh. Because there's a lot of things that drive me insane about him as a person, but looking at him as a character, I LOVE that he's rash and hurts his friends and his defining character moment is him making a selfish, cowardly decision. I guess I'd say his misogyny in Purple Haze Feedback? I'm admittedly a believer that, yes, he would fucking say that, but it sucks that he would. At least he gets better by the end lol. Fugo voice I'm sorry women Sheila E is me

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I love that Mista has been designated Beautiful Brown-Eyed Bisexual Man by literally the entire fandom. Bi Mista brings us all together. And I do like the idea that his queerness is something he discovered much more slowly, and as a direct result of the gang. Something about that really ties in with the idea of the Bucci Gang as less of a realistic gang, more akin to a drag house or similar queer pseudo-family. Credit to that concept to Fox figcookie01 btw this is one of my favorite Vento Aureo analyses ever and it really informs how I conceptualize the Bucci Gang. Anyhow.

I also really like when people actually take care to explore his character and make him a very distinct, smarter-than-he-looks, older brother-type figure. It's really interesting when people explore his spirituality, too, whatever religion that may be, because that's a pretty important part of him. AND also OCD Mista truthers who know when to treat his superstitions and compulsions with some weight I love you forever. I think he's a character that gets watered down in fanworks a lot, but when his characterization's good, it's really good. There's plenty of artists and writers that have really blown me away with their Mista (and I say this as someone who's picky about characterization lol)

With Fugo, first of all. The PHF scars. Another thing that Mandela Effected the PHF fandom, but it's so so important to me. I love you physical, tangible, blatantly visible proof that Fugo has grown as a person since the day he abandoned the gang. Awesome. I also like that people mix and match his manga/anime colors, and every artist kinda draws him in a different way.

My favorite thing is probably the Fugo-Abbacchio stepkid and stepparent/siblings/Big Goth and Baby Emo Who Secretly Looks Up To Them dynamic. It’s awesome when it’s cartoonishly antagonistic and it’s awesome when it’s actually very sweet and heartfelt. Out of all the Bucci Gang dynamic interpretations the fandom’s produced, theirs is one of my favorites <3

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

SO MANY FOR BOTH OF THEM LOL. But I’ll try to list some I don’t talk about as much.

Besides The Carpenters, Mista’s a big fan of folk, acoustic singer-songwriter pop, and soft classic R&B/gospel. Artists with really strong voices tend to catch his attention. The Mamas and the Papas, Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, Simon and Garfunkel, The Seekers, and Gordon Lightfoot are some of his favorites. He’s also just a big sucker for love songs in general, and the hopeless romantic in him loves old girl groups like The Ronettes and The Shirelles. He’s also very much Schrödinger’s Guy to me. Cis? Trans? Who knows. Depends on what the situation calls for (though more often trans to me as of late). He’s just Some Dude.

Fugo’s a surprisingly good singer, but he’ll rarely do it if he knows other people are listening. A lot of times, he’ll sing in the shower, or when he’s alone in the car. As he gets older, he gets less self-conscious about it, and he’ll sing around the house when he’s with Giorno, or do duets with Mista for fun. There are also very much timelines in the Vento Aureo Multiverse in my brain where Fugo’s transfem. This also tends to coincide with transfem Abbacchio timelines, so there’s another layer added to Fugo looking up to Abbacchio, and I think Giorno (always transmasc to me) is really instrumental in helping her work through things and take pride in her transness. Maybe a little bit of a self-indulgent fluffy comfort hc that helps me work though my own genderisms lol

[renardtrickster]

There really is no bottom for the Green Horse, is there

As part of my ongoing campaign to be understanding towards people who will never in 12,000 years provide a fraction of the same level of charitability towards me, yeah he's basically cooked forever. It's not an innate thing, I have a low opinion on him, and his intelligence, and his ability to take criticism or consider new information, and his ability to not freak the fuck out when agitated and start CAPS LOCK SCREAMING AT PEOPLE HE DISAGREES WITH, but it's not because his brain is broken. Consider the following:

From what I recall, he lives in the South, was raised (and still is) Christian, and I think even alluded to his parents being not that positively receptive to the possibility of him being bisexual. So he's been inundated with conservative beliefs basically from birth.

The inundation continues to his online life. For at least a decade he's been embroiled in right-wing discourse, exposing himself to arguments with "SJWs", caricatures of what Föminists believe, all designed to confirm the existing biases while cementing in your head that "the other" is basically delusional or dishonest and not worth considering. Once you've been in this rut for years, you need to devise a *reason* to not keep doing what you've been doing and what's always worked for you.

All of his peers are similarly conservative, or "classical liberal" at the most. Once I broke with common consensus and started railing against him, everyone instantly turned, mutualisms were broken, respect was lost, I became persona non grata. I was not the first, nor the last. He also tends to conceptualize ex-friends and ex-mutuals as "betrayers". Basically his social circle ensures that everyone will basically agree on most things, or else be ousted and mocked. Which, if you don't have other social circles to fall back on, can be another reason to not change your mind. Isolation is a killer.

He's never been the most skeptical of whatever he reblogs. I've seen, on multiple occasions, him reblog a post that reads something to the effect of "city-dwellers don't have souls, if you don't stand in a field barefoot you become spiritually retarded". And when his friends point out "dude this is asinine" he reblogs that as well, equal amounts of no commentary. In and out.

The internet, and society, has slowly gotten more radicalized over time. This Haitians Eating Cats thing would have been unthinkable in 2016, but he's already under the operation of "the left is always wrong, the Republicans aren't *that* bad and they're treated unfairly".

He already believes in Cultural Marxism, the Deep State, and that the 2020 election was stolen. The only reason he doesn't believe in the "trans groomer epidemic" is because he's queer and has trans friends, but even then he sure was charitable towards DeSantis and denied that it was a "don't say gay" bill.

With all of this in mind, why *wouldn't* he believe that immigrants from Haiti (who are mostly Christian) went to Ohio so they could steal people's pets and perform voodoo rituals? He's basically stuck himself inside The Contraption. It is a hell of his own creation, all working perfectly as designed, in order to make him not smart and keep him from being able to accurately assess anything. The only ambiguity is whether it's malicious ignorance or genuine ignorance, but it's mostly academic. I can't tell you his internal thought process or what his heart is. All I can tell you is that, at the very least, even if he is a "proper" left-of-center guy, he does not have the proper intellectual rigor to prevent himself from going along with whatever fascist argument or lie that he stumbles upon. He lacks the discipline to *prevent* himself from becoming a fascist, if that makes sense.

These are the conditions and circumstances that can create a mindscape like this. But lest you be mistaken and think I'm portraying him as a victim of circumstance, I'll repeat what I alluded to before. There are "understandable" (as in "they can be comprehended and explained, even if they're wrong, which they are") reasons for why people become groypers or nazis. Functionally, he is stuck in the alt-right pipeline, trapped in that onion cult model thing. His posts are even indistinguishable from that of the average nazi's, he was doing the "Tim Walz gargles horse semen" thing. As though that's a bad thing, when he thinks Rarity is best pony. Curious.

Which is the important thing to take away from this, I think. takashi0 is not a notable or exceptional person in this regard. "Notable" in the sense that his only real presence outside of tumblr is a kiwifarms thread (and twitter I guess), "exceptional" in the sense that this exact same song and dance has happened to thousands of other people, mostly young men, frequently homosexual, always mentally ill. I guess he's "a very popular anti-SJW/alt-right blogger on tumblr", but this describes many other people who I do not know the names or backstories of. The only reason why I or anyone else possesses this knowledge is because of a passing personal connection, which has by this point ended. Having beef with him is like having beef with any of the 5 nameless MAGA Toms, Dicks, and Larries at the top of your blocklist.

Keeping up with him is interesting in the sense that he's a part of a broader trend, "what talking points do the moderate wing of online reactionary thought think is acceptable to say", but it's almost demeaning to be any more personally invested beyond that. He's not going to see this because he has me blocked, but if he does he'll be bitter about it for a week, and come to the conclusion "well Renardie says stuff like that because she's brainwashed, like all lefty commies are" because his analytical abilities are capped around there. He's beneath me, and so is his ideology. Once that's consigned to the dustbin of political irrelevancy, so too will he vanish. In that respect, paying him any mind is pointless self harm. I only indulged in my very quick research today due to a moment of weakness and sick curiosity. My reward was a lack of surprise.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm trying out this math learning app and it's pretty fun so far. The full version is hilariously expensive but after playing with it for a while I totally feel the seduction to pay for it. I'll probably exhaust all the free features then decide.

I'm hilariously bad at math, like I'm partially convinced I may have a disability of some kind. I have to do even the simplest things with a calculator, and even then I'm never confident I'm even using the calculator right. I just have trouble with anything technical, like cooking or anything involving spacial relations; like my mind seems to be designed for a purely conceptual environment whether I like it or not. I really admire people who are handy and especially people who are good at math, which I think is a really attractive and powerful quality. It's the language of the universe, isn't it?

I'm annoyed because while I'm great at language, that doesn't seem to translate to the language of quantities and operations. But anyway, someone on one of the ADHD subs proposed something that amazed me about those of us who did well in school, contrary to the stereotype: When you're really good at pattern recognition, you learn a lot of test material by rote, which can actually prevent you from learning the style of reasoning that makes sense of things. So, once you get past the kind of stuff you can learn by rote--generally, once you're out of high school--you're kind of fucked on any subject where you didn't get trained up on the reasoning part. Now I notice how I do this all the time, scanning a situation for the little parts that are familiar to me and fast-forwarding to what I know will be the conclusion, instead of really looking at and thinking about the information in front of me. I have definitely been doing this my whole life!

So anyway, I don't think I have it in me to get actually-good at math, but I think it would be good for me to work with learning apps and things like that, that walk me through processes in a way that doesn't let me autodetect the final answer based on preexisting knowledge. I might tack on some code-teaching apps too, I did some very light coding at my last job and I actually enjoyed it, probably because it registered more as language to me than other data-related stuff tends to. Again I don't think I'll ever excel at this kind of thing but I think it could be really good for my brain to have this kind of regular procedural exercise. If you guys know of any little learning tools that are relevant for this, especially that are known to be great For Dummies, I would love to hear about them!

[jennicatzies]

holy shit i absolutely adore your au!!! can other characters ever break from their scripts or will ham and burr suffer alone together?

HELLO I APOLOGIZE FOR THE ROYALLY LATE RESPONSE,,,

Thank you SO much, this au makes me insane 🙏🙏 glad to know other people are interested haha!!!

Alright discussing the question . Unfortunately, Burr and Hamilton r the only AWARE aware ones. Sad times. howEVER there are SOME characters who are a tiiiiny bit aware or at least has cracked a little bit Once. But that's about it. Next run their memories r wiped and they start from 00:00:00 again.

I thiiiink I remember talking ab Jefferson and his faulty script wiring? I'll dive more into it again here tho haha. Yapping about other characters with a drop of awareness under the cut

The main guys we already know are Hamilton, Burr, Seabury and Bullet [ even though SeaBullet are on the side of the stage ]

But what about. Other characters.

Okay I wanna talk ab my favorite scenario/minor ish plot point ever

Southern mf democratic republicans. STAY WITH ME I'LL ELABORATE

OKAY they're. INFURIATINGly funny. Conceptually. Though not as severely as Burr, they have caught glimpses of stage elements or even the audience at some points, though that's about it and their memories get wiped at the end of each show.

Jefferson's handling/POV: okay uh. You know those lil bits in the musical where he "interacts" with the audience/people off stage. Aka blowing a kiss to the audience in What'd I Miss and handing someone off stage a copy of the Reynolds Pamphlet. Canonized. Ish. These could easily be translated into in universe terms by his script wiring, but sometimes he just. Sees the audience. Ultimately he doesn't give a damn. He's having too much fun to worry about it.

Burr has tried to like, get information out of him about this, but hey since he doesn't know what in the world Burr is tweakinh out about he just goes like, "mann I think you just need sleep. Or water. Or water and sleep. Or you're insane. Good luck" and skips on his way ODHRJJEOR

Madison's handling/POV: Madison time yayy. Sickly. Sickly guy. He's also caught lil glimpses of the audience or stage elements seeping into his scripted vision, but also ultimately doesn't think much further about them. Since he's. Quite aware that hes Sickly he kinda just goes "damn guess we got Mental illnesses now. Fml" and moves along

Burr's also tried to talk to Madison about it, but he insists that he himself is just really tired or Sick.

Unless it's the very off chance of jeff and mads' "error" syncing up, they never really like, acknowledged this that much. Maybe the occasional "hey what's that" "what's what" "nvm I'm just sleepy" but that's pretty much it. The part already broken doesn't develop with each run rkjeorkerk they just kinda get The Visions occasionally and shrug

No illustrations for this but! Washington! My friend and I kinda cooked something with this, but the drabble's theirs n' I don't wanna share w/o their knowledge hfhdjfjd

Not really a loop aware or stage aware thing but. His mind. The way he thinks. Happened in like ONE run and that's. That's all the crumbs we get for Washington. Sorry :(

For Washington, it was during the Meet Me Inside number. He just notices that Hamilton's line delivery isn't as... angry as expected. And so he's like... oh. Oh shit. Wait what.

He still!!! Feels angry!!! Because he's scripted to!!! But he doesn't want to be angry anymore!! But he is!!!! Internal conflict!!!! It confused him because his brain is telling him to be mad because Hamilton upset him. But he. He doesn't want to be upset in that moment. Oh well. Fuck

There MIGHTTT be more crumbs for other characters but. It's the middle of the night and this is all I can rack from my brain. Ask about the state of some character and if you're lucky you Might get crumbs

[baby-xemnas]

Gin provides the grease for Sanji’s cooking (in a positive way. I love GinSan)

LOL VILE but yes...god they are good

just like bepo who is conceptually a little bizarre makes law better - its the same with sanji. sanji having an ugly ass as rough as they come older guy with a gigantic fucking ridiculous crush on him is so funny and cute

[blessyouhawkeye]

every time mark lee does something compelling to me i get so angry. conceptually i should be bored by him he is just some guy who says shit like dang and yo but he also just released a horny song referencing a time gordon ramsey dissed his cooking YEARS AGO. and what's worse is it's REALLY GOOD. what the fuck. i'm so mad about this.

[nebulousfishgills]

Emily with Henry and Emily with Caius please, I want to see where all the differences lie...

5, 7, 10, 11, 20, 26, 32 (idk if Twilight vampires can get drunk but just pretend), 38, 40, 46

Thanks for the numbers, bestie! I would have answered this sooner but I got rly busy all of a sudden lol. Also I knew answering this ask in full would take a while.* Anyways, two ships so we're gonna do two sections... so you bet your ass I'm adding a cut.

I'll do the tiny text as well to save room... and one meme/shitpost each for the lulz (featuring shoddy edits of FC Olivia Cooke as Emily) because I don't know where else to post these lol... I have many more beyond this if you're interested.

*It did, I was working on this for like, two and a half hours, probably longer...

Emily and Henry

5 - Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Honestly, I can only think of one time off the top of my head where they had a really serious argument, and that was their famous "you're just being paranoid" "you're getting sucked in by these weird vampire people" fight. Other than that, maybe the occasional friendly squabble as kids over who cheated at chess and the like.

7 - How often do they say 'I love you?'

That depends on where in the timeline we are. When they're still trapped in the lab, very infrequently since they don't want Brenner suspecting they could be involved together in any way. When they sneak into each other's rooms, sure, maybe a couple times, but that doesn't happen that often. Post Upside-Down Banishment, I think the habit of not directly saying I Love You kinda carries over, but since they're more free to do and say what they want, it does happen a bit more frequently. They show love in other ways.

10 - Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

Their mutual desire to reshape the world and dislike of the human race lol. But in fairness to the question, they both like to draw, especially when they were the experiments and not the orderlies. They both like drawing what they see and what they hope to eventually see in their so-called perfect world. I have a headcanon that Emily keeps a sketchbook on her, even when she's poking around the high school in the Overworld. It's full of landscapes, portraits of Henry (partially so she remembers his human face), the occasional erratic Mind Flayer doodle, and the drawing of the Creel House she did as a child is taped to the inside back cover.

They also both have an appreciation for nature, both in the Overworld and in the Upside-Down. You cannot convince me otherwise that they don't play games with Demodogs and Emily hasn't given every single one of her bats names.

11 - How do they feel about nicknames/pet names?

This is an interesting question because I've thought extensively about this. When I was originally conceptualizing their dynamic, I just could not for the life of me figure out what pet names they would hypothetically use. Henry just didn't seem like a guy who would use terms of endearment like that (or in general, Henry using pet names just doesn't seem right to me)... and that's when I realized their names are the terms of endearment. They've both had their names stripped away and replaced by numbers, taking away their humanity. That first step of trust between them was sharing their real names and covertly using them when Brenner wasn't around. Their names are very important to them, so calling each other something other than their names feels wrong... so yes and no?

20 - How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

The surefire way to get Emily to calm down/relax/chill the fuck out is to play with her hair. This is one of the few traits of hers I passed on from myself. Maybe it's a reflex from having it shaved at one point, but many a time, Henry has just finger combed her hair or scratched her scalp to get her to calm down after god knows what kind of shit happened. Henry probably learned to braid hair so he can just braid and unbraid her hair when needed... maybe he learned it from Alice?

Henry's not one who usually needs the comforting since he... I don't want to say let's things slide off his back, but it's more like he simmers until the pressure cooker just explodes (ex. The incident of September 8th). But if I had to take a guess, I could see Emily just performing some kind of physical contact, usually a hug, hand squeeze, or small kiss to just ground Henry back to reality. They're both very touch starved and Brenner's rules don't help at all, so they have to get that shit in where they can.

26 - What sacrifices do they make for the other?

Alexa, play 'If You Love Me, Let Me Go' (or whatever the song's title is).

No, but in all seriousness, I feel like they both have had to sacrifice many things for both each other and for the advancement of their goals. Emily in theory has a shot at living a somewhat okay life with the 'friends' she's made (Eddie doesn't need sarcastic quotes, they're real friends despite what Emily herself may think or not) on the Overworld since she can get up there, yet she chooses not to, prefering to spend more time in the Upside Down with Henry since for multiple reasons, he can't leave.

I don't want to say Henry's the more dependent one of the two (he is), but it's hard to pick out any one thing Henry's truly sacrificed for Emily other than the previously alluded to "letting her go" thing compared to what she's given up for him. In reality they both mutually gave up a lot of things for their goals like their humanities (nameless numbers aside).

32 - Do either of them drink? Who's the lightweight/who's the caretaker?

Canonically it's been stated multiple times that Emily doesn't drink or do drugs (she berates Eddie for it constantly) because a scrambled mind means she's disconnected from her abilities, something she especially hates after Brenner's Soteria implants. Henry's probably the same way.

But for shits and giggles, let's do a hypothetical. Henry's a much lighter weight than Emily would be. I could understand how someone could see him as an angry drunk, but I think Henry just blubbers and essentially behaves like a sad, wet cat. Emily can and would drag him home and let him cling to her while he lets it all out. I think Emily would be the more aggressive drunk. I can see Emily getting into a bar fight and Henry (or Eddie since he was probably the one to drag her there) having to pull her away and then be forced to deal with arguably something worse than a drunk Emily: a hungover one.

40 - Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

As far as getting and staying together, no. They'd have lost their minds without having each other to rely on. But I think on occasion Henry regrets not warning Emily about what really went on in the lab when Brenner was persuading her to stay. They wouldn't have bonded or even formally met if so and who knows where else little orphan Emily would have ended up otherwise.

And I think once or twice they moreso regret not being able to have the relationship they really wanted, away from the lab and allowed to grow naturally. They're both steadfast in their hatred of the human system, but I'm positive they've both at least entertained the fantasy of having met as kids at school, falling in love in the real world in the 'proper' way, and then living in the Creel House as a real family unit after they had Eleven/Jane/Elaine the way they should have. It's the "In another life, I would have liked doing taxes and laundry with you" trope, just an incredibly angsty variant of it because even if they had that chance in circumstance (aka no lab to imprison them in), their views on the human system would prevent that almost entirely.

46 - Do they consider the relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

There's no question that they see this very seriously; it's all they have really. There isn't anything casual or normal about the kind of bond they have with each other. As I said, I think Henry's more dependent on Emily than the other way around, but they're both extremely attached to each other. Their relationship is the most important thing to them at the end of the day, even more than their goals because their plans may fail, but they will still have each other...

---

And on that admittedly ironic note let's move on to...

Emily and Caius

(I just made this one a couple hours ago lmao)

5 - Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Honestly? I don't see them arguing much since more often than not they're virtually on the same page. Maybe it's not so much arguments as it is "one of them is being stubborn and the other has to get them to do what they're supposed to." Emily's usually this hypothetical 'stubborn' one, though, because she's still the same Emily who likes to rebel against the system (even if now she's part of the people creating it) and tries to get out of her, quote, "stupid duties." She's a... we'll call it a free spirit. Nine times out of ten this means Caius has to bribe her in some way to handle her responsibilities, not that he minds that, I don't think.

7 - How often do they say 'I love you?'

The cool thing is they can say it in many different languages to keep it interesting. I would say often, but not to the point that it could be considered annoying to others. They don't do that cheesy "I love you" "I love you more" "I love you most" bullshit (unless they're actively trying to be annoying because someone's being an asshole about boundaries... Aro). But they say it enough and can show it via other means without verbalizing it.

Caius says it out loud more often though because Emily's lacked affection aside from Henry for her entire life. That touch-starved insecurity about being able to receive proper love is just part of who she is. She's frozen in time with that insecurity and Caius makes it a point to pick up that slack to remind her that she can and is loved.

10 - Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

🔥Arson🔥

In all seriousness, though, once again art is a connective tissue. I don't know how this headcanon started or got so widespread, but people say Caius is a painter (and I'm obsessed with this idea) and Emily still draws. They teach each other their prefered mediums, so Caius has helped Emily learn to paint while she introduces him to the benefits of having a simple sketchbook and pencils for capturing moments.

I think there's also that shared love of learning and sharing stories since Emily's been locked out of the world at large for most of her life save for the books she read when hiding in the library when she was homeless. I headcanon Caius as a history buff (especially when it comes to wars and general combat because we all agree the dude's a warrior, full send) and Emily just likes hearing all these accounts and events since there's just so much she doesn't know about the world. "I wanna know about the strangers like me." That, and she likes hearing the myths, legends, and stories that come with that.

I like to think that a popular story that Caius grew up on, then passed on to Emily to become her favorite tale is the story the original God of War games told (since I fuckin love that franchise so let me have my easter eggs). She never gets tired of hearing about Kratos' journey.

11 - How do they feel about nicknames/pet names?

Emily's general philosophy on pet names stays largely consistent. She doesn't really call Caius any cute names very often, maybe in front of other people to put up a more sickly sweet front once in a while. She moreso uses terms of endearment in a mocking/sarcastic way (there's a perfect example that comes much later on in Necrosis, but for spoilers' sake I'll keep that to myself. Emily uses nicknames sometimes, occasionally calling Sulpicia simply "Picia" and she refers to Athenodora as "Thena" since Caius called her that or Dora since her name is a bit of a mouthful.

Speaking of, on the other side of it, Caius' favorite pet name for Emily is Agapé, or one of the Greek words for love. Sometimes he calls her 'love' or 'my love' in English and some other languages. Once in a while he'll call her a queen in various languages (since technically she is). I think it's just another way Caius hammers home his affection for her, a la what I said for bullet point 7. Though, sometimes Caius calls her by her name when he needs her attention for something important or serious (like to snap her out of a frenzy for example). It's like a softer version of the dreaded "Middle Name" when you're in trouble.

20 - How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

Again, the go-to for calming Emily down is her hair. But since her traits are exemplified because of her transformation, full physical contact is also a viable option. Sort of like what I said for Henry, a hug or kiss will work magic. I hesitate to say cuddles because that's too soft a term for these two, but that will also work. I think it's because Emily was a bit touch starved as a human, and that only got magnified.

Caius has a very... notorious temper. The smallest things can set him off on a bad day. Usually Emily just lets it happen because a) it's never directed at her and b) she has a superiority complex over those that temper is being directed at. But sometimes she knows Caius' hissy fits help nobody and all she has to do is just grab and hold his hand. Maybe it's not so much of a "calming" move as it is a "keep it in check" move, but in essence it's the same thing.

Again, for spoilers' sake I'll keep the details to myself but there is a point in Necrosis where Caius get a slightly different kind of upset. In that case, Emily knows giving him space is the best way to start before she gets him the "cuddles but we're not calling them cuddles because we're not cute, we're angsty chaos vampires."

26 - What sacrifices do they make for the other?

I mean... Emily sacrifices her life in more ways than one. She's literally an undead creature now, but further than that, she gave up the life she'd known for like, 25 years, the first person to show her love and the first friend she'd ever had. She willingly goes against her dislike of the institution of marriage for Caius and the life and family he provides.

Emily's my character, I'm allowed to make fun of the decisions she makes at my behest.

In some ways, Caius only made gains when he got with Emily since he got a woman that really understands and enjoys being around him rather than just eternally moping (like some people...) and raging after Thena died. But bringing Emily on board means that there's eventually a lost of stability, something Caius and the rest of the Volturi value. Again, I'm being vague for secrecy's sake, but Emily makes waves and it's gonna hurt when they crash ashore. I don't know if you would count that as a sacrifice rather than the probably more accurate term, a consequence, but it's not in Emily's nature to let things stay smooth all the time and things can and will get ugly.

Not for them and their relationship, mind you.

32 - Do either of them drink? Who's the lightweight/who's the caretaker?

Unfortunately, as you inquired, alcohol doesn't affect vampires. In fact they can't really drink it cause they'd have to cough it up since they can't digest anything that's not blood. Emily still hates the idea of drinking regardless.

But again, for shits and giggles, let's have fun.

Emily's still probably an aggressive drunk, but I feel like since she's more open now, she can also be a bit of a flirty drunk if her mood was right. She's (somewhat) less of an angry person compared to when she's a human in Hawkins. I don't know how super clear I've been on this, but Emily's a horribly repressed bisexual disaster, so despite the fact that she's married to Caius, when drunk I feel like she'd lose her inhibitions and will probably make a pass at Heidi especially or Chelsea (maybe Sulpicia if she's out of it enough). Either way, it's kind of amusing for Caius to watch, but eventually he gets her attention and cuts her off to get her back to their room, even if she's complaining the whole way or getting really handsy with him.

I don't see Emily as a light weight exactly, but compared to Caius she seems like it. The man would be able to hold his alcohol and extremely well at that. He drank Greek wines as a human most definetly, probably on the regular, so he'd have a high tolerance from that alone. To me, Caius reads more like a guy who would do small glasses of whiskey by the fire with Emily curled at his side (as opposed to others in the coven I could name who get absolutely sloshed constantly having downed many bottles of god knows what). But if Caius were to get drunk, similar to Emily I could see him getting more aggressive since he's just Like That in General, mostly just hurling swears and insults unrestricted or throwing something across the room until Emily just gently gets him back to their room till he sobers up.

...honestly I don't think it's wise for any of the Volturi to get drunk because I don't see it ending well in any way.

40 - Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

Caius, no, not in a million years. He's very happy with Emily and considers himself incredibly lucky she came into his life. I feel like he understands how important Henry was to Emily, but only to a point since it seems like she's thriving with him and his wacky family/coven, faring so much better than when she was with Henry. Is it selfish and egotistical of him, absolutely. But he'd never ever go as far to suggest Emily's better with him across the board or that she shouldn't have been with Henry at all because that's just not true.

Emily was frozen in time when she was still in love with Henry. She already left him before she was turned, sure, but that love didn't go away the second she did that, and it wouldn't have for a long time. So for as long as she will live (probably several thousand years), a part of her heart will always be his and his alone. As a result, sometimes she misses him, sometimes a lot. Sometimes she even questions why she left him, wonders if he found his own happiness after the fact, worries if her leaving him led to him dying, oh god, don't let that be the case...

Emily tries to not go down that train of thought because then she's asking questions she doesn't want, have, or need the answers to. So, I would say once in a great while she gets in her head about if she made the right decision/regretting her choice, but she can't help it.

46 - Do they consider the relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

Serious. Very serious. Again, I have to reiterate Emily doesn't like the institution of marriage and yet she agreed to fully commit and marry Caius. That, and I sure hope it's serious since casual relationships don't come with the kind of influence and power Emily gets... although I will say it went from Casual to Serious extremely quickly.

Revenge Sex to Marriage Speedrunning Challenge.

[lorenzobane]

Alright- finally getting around to the last episode of Picard, and I figure why not liveblog it:

It is still SOOO unclear to me why the fuck the Changelings are even bothering to help the Borg. I guess their conceptual mission (conquer everyone) is pretty similar, but.... that feels like. Not enough.

It is very nostalgic to see everyone on the Enterprise-D, though. I can't deny that. Picard's got me there.

WHY is Jack the command signal? It remains stupid. I genuinely thought the Pah Wraith theory was more interesting than this aiuwhefs;djlk';

I do love the Borg cube's exterior design, though- its so iconic, and seeing it rendered with modern graphics

Awww poor little cook- but also he had to run the deli because his brother "had a hernia"..... sir. You're in the future. Why would that stop anyone from doing anything for longer than like. a day. I think your brother was lying to you.

Okay, I'm gonna be so real- am I the only one who kinda doesn't give a shit about Jack? I get he's there to add some stakes, but I truly don't care at all. Explode him idgaf.

If the idea is to wake Jack up from his evil slumber then why would you not send Beverley....? Who, ya know, raised him?

"And I will make it a threesome" Okay i love you Worf

Okay- like I said, I am not immune to nostalgia, "it's been an honor serving with you all" OKAY, fine Daddy Picard you got me.

Also a lot of long lingering looks between Deanna and Will... Makes me think one of them might not make it out alive

You know it really is so telling how much of the original Borg design, from the ship to the interiors, they kept. Tells you how impressive it was the first time around. It is just so creepy and excellent.

Cool. Picard has magical Borg senses.

Fine fine, the Riker/Picard/Worf scene was sweet. Can you tell that I'm a willing sap for alllll the TNG nostalgia?

LMAO I'm SORRY i actually love the camp excellence of the Borg Queen emerging from the shadows to cackle evilly

Okay HELL yeah for a Seven of Nine "Big Damn Captain" speech

This is just so funny. The Borg queen is so so fucking funny. Why is she so melodramatic. Real Miette energy.

Oh this changeling connection is dumb as hell

Worf's Bat'leth with a built in phaser is COOL okay. Sometimes I am a teenage boy.

I am not immune to TNG theme music

I am also not immune to people who have trusted each other for a lifetime coming together again. Geordi trusting Data's gut.

Ahhhh the classic "all hope is lost" moment, how I love thee

I'm sorry to say it, I really am because its the emotional heart of the story, but I just don't care about Jack

LMAO conflict solved with a hug from dad- Christ the daddy issues on star trek continue to astonish and amaze

Longest "one minute to get out" ever

I'm sorry I'm sorry but once again I'm weak for the old "the strength of their connection saves the day" and I'm a sentimentalist at heart

Kinda obsessed with the idea of Riker just being the type of guy who needs a universe-ending catastrophe every once in a while or they get bored

God Michael Dorn is sooooo good at playing Worf its not even funny. He's just. Worf. I could watch him play this character perfectly for the end of time.

Love it when Starfleet just Starfleets. "Ehh you're reckless and a little insane, but in that good way that sometimes saves the galaxy. here- have a ship and hang out on the frontiers, and don't bother us."

Worf, House of Martok...... My beloved

Poor Deanna, you do deserve a beach vacation

Starfleet history must be BUCK WILD. You tell the story of that time a crew of old people stole a ship from a museum and saved the world. Like. Okay.

NEPOTISM BABY JACK CRUSHER

uaoeisdjokf THIS fucking guy. Okay, now that I know he's lame I like him more

"What could possibly go wrong?" Wow was that a heavy-handed setup. I think I heard something about a TV show and now I feel extra convinced they are either planning one or at one point were.

Everyone being SO NORMAL about Captain starting words is so fucking. okay starfleet really MUST be the nerds of the galaxy.

Okay. I'm gonna be honest I don't think I needed quite so much nostalgia bait at the end. It was nice for like. A second. Especially when it was intercut with the younger characters.

Ending on them playing poker together, la ti da- everyone got a happy ending and in Starfleet heroes are rewarded

Anyway- it was fine. I found the episode kind of underwhelming honestly, but it wasn't horrific. Just kinda. Star trek typical levels of nonsense.

[pikesprouts]

Tagged by: @eat-study-draw thanks!

Relationship status: Single! Kind of dating but no one specific

Favourite colour: Yellow

Favourite food: Pasta (any but like basic stuff ie alfredo/spaghetti/instant ramen/cheese etc)

Song stuck in my head: Bright by Echosmith (have been singing it in my head for a few hours and I have no fucking clue where I heard it recently)

Last thing I googled: "uta vehicle locator" (the public transit system where I live has a real-time vehicle locator on all buses and trains across the state and I rode a bus today- this is frequently one of my most recent searches ngl)

Dream trip: I want to take a roadtrip out somewhere with like one or two of my friends and just drive and hang out with each other and stay in lowkey kind of shitty motels and just exist without any expectations other than being with each other for awhile. I'd also love to go to like DC or Chicago and experience like a big big city someday.

Last book read/currently reading: The LIttle Prince by Atoine de Saint Exupery (Highly fuckin recommend it's poetic and lovely and philosophical and a little existential and a quick read but it's a good vibe I really like it)

Last book enjoyed: Magyk by Angie Sage it's an old comfort book of mine I like reading it every now and then like an old friend

Last book hated: Mismatch by Kat Holmes in large part because I have to read it for class but also because it feels so pretentious as someone who benefits from inclusive design when it's written as though all designers don't need inclusive design and have to be convinced that they should design inclusively- so conceptually it just makes me mad

Favorite thing to cook/bake: Pizza! I also like baking cookies, and I like cooking pasta dishes or making tacos

Most niche dislike: Carpet that hasn't been vacuumed recently on bare feet

Opinions on the circus: I've only ever been to a Chinese acrobatic circus troupe performance and that was cool; not a fan of circus animals being mistreated obviously; I didn't like the Dumbo movie, and those are my only three exposures to anything remotely circus related so there you go

Sense of direction: Good, I'm uncannily good at telling which cardinal direction I'm facing, but I can't tell you which direction it is without relating back to my house cause I can match a direction to the name of said direction that way- every time. I'm really good at remembering directions and undoing what I did to get somewhere in order to get back out, but my sense of cardinal direction is fucking shit when I'm in brand new buildings without a chance to explore it first. This is exactly the reason that I went to my junior high/high schools and my college campus before classes started and just wandered around until I figured everything out and like where shit was. So good outdoors and good indoors once I'm familiar with layout and shit.

Some people i want to get to know better!

@felagund-fiollaigean @chiaroart @cantsleepanything if you guys want!

[earthtooz]

Hiii Earth! Yes I am back, tumblr mobile has done some.. interesting✨ updates recently that I did not want to deal with (WHO REPLACES THE PROFILE ICON WITH A MARKET????). And you are right, absolutely bonkers does not even scratch the surface of this guy.. no words in the entirety of the English language, old and new, can conceptualize the energy that man brings every time he appears. Even that is understating. How have you been Earth? - 🪷

no tumblr mobile is fucked. WHY TF DO I NEED TO CLICK ONTO MY PROFILE THIS SHIT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE... AND THE TUMBLR BROWSER EXPLORE IS SO ANNOYING TOO... I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT 'TODAYONTUMBLR' I WANT TO BE GREETED WITH WHAT MY FELLOW COMRADES ARE SAYING ABOUT THEIR FAVOURITE ANIME MEN!?!?!?!?!

anyways.

yeah. no this man is like. insane. but it's funny listening to it so i say let him cook! in all honesty tho, he brings good points to the table. i've never played a game of soccer in my life yet i sit here like 'yeah that makes sense' as if deep in thought.

i've been well !!! nothing too interesting has been happening recently, thanks for asking :> i hope irl has been kind to u :DD

[darthmaulification]

all these maul x pregnant reader asks have me thinking savage x pregnant reader,,, he’s just such a softie he’d be so good at taking care of you 🥺💗

STOP PLEASE I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕 my heart 😭😭

while maul would be nothing short of amazing for pregnant reader, savage on the other hand...

... listen, savage gives maul a run for his money. full stop.

okay, let’s start from the beginning. you tell savage you’re pregnant. first thing he does: gets worried. savage has a lot of duties on his plate, he’s maul’s apprentice, he has to help with mandalore, and crimson dawn, and death watch, and— “Savage, honey, there can be room for a baby, too.” you’ll have to interrupt his rambling and the moment you say “a baby” he kinda freezes because the word is really sinking in this time, and then he’s all like “... a baby.” and when he says it his whole demeanor changes.

your giant yellow husband is already a ray of sunshine, but he becomes all stars and fireworks when it finally clicks. savage literally whoops, cheering as he lifts you into his arms and hugs you, kissing your face all over. it makes you cry, because you’re happy and also pregnancy hormones, and you just let him kiss and hug you as much he wants.

“Thank you.” he rumbles against your neck, where he plants kisses and nuzzles against your skin. “Thank you.” he says, and it’s the only thing he can say.

~

savage goes 110% and the extra mile with helping you through all the not-so-pleasant aspects of pregnancy, as much as he can that is. while maul is cognizant of your and your growing baby’s needs (and excited too, he’s going to be an uncle), he still does need savage as his right hand man. so, when you do have savage with you, believe me you’re not lifting a finger.

he does everything for you, cooks, cleans, holds your hair when you’re upheaving your last three meals, rubs your back, gives you massages, fuck you senseless when you get horny for no reason, hell, savage will even bathe you when he gets the opportunity. he fully and truly pampers you, and it’ll be a tad annoying, only because he gets very... possessive over you as well, but he lets up when and if you tell him “Look, Savage, you’ve been nothing helpful, and I love you for that, but please let me go to the bathroom by myself, it’s starting to get ridiculous, big guy.”

~

as the months tick by, savage gets more and more anxious. if he wasn’t already worried before, he’s a wreck as your belly starts to swell, when your pregnancy becomes more and more noticeable. of course, he’s happy when you are, like when you first started showing and wept out of joy at your reflection in the mirror, cupping your belly. he’s happy when the baby first kicks from inside you, and when your breasts swell because he’s a simple man, and when he catches you talking to the baby, murmuring all the sweet things in the world as your stroke your belly.

believe me, he is excited and happy for the arrival of the baby, his baby, but he also worries too.

he worries about what the child will think of him, if they’d be frightened by his height, his breadth. savage worries that they’ll despise him, that he’d be a terrible father. he worries for them too, the galaxy is a dangerous place for children after all. he also...

... he also worries if he has a son.

the oppressive hierarchy on dathomir was one that savage lived under his entire life. he’s seen how nightbrothers are treated, experienced the horrors as well. and savage knows that daughters are more valuable than sons. that a girl is celebrated, and a boy is cast into the shadows, just another mouth to feed, a potential brute or breeder like all the nightbrothers are subjected to be.

savage worries that if he’s potentially given you a son, that you’d be disappointed in him. he fears that you’d cast him out, the baby too. it’s what nightsister mothers did, and still do on dathomir, and it’s hard for savage to conceptualize any other outcome.

deep deep down, he knows it’s completely irrational and entirely false, but it’s engrained in savage through trauma.

he’ll tell you this only when your far into your third trimester, when the time is right around the corner, and when he can’t wallow in his worry any further.

“I’m sorry.” he’ll say and you’ll be caught completely off guard because he just says it out of nowhere. “For what, big guy?” you ask and it concerns you to see this distant, haunted look appear on savage’s face which makes him look so so sad... scared too.

“If... If I give you a son.” and that will prompt you to go nearly ballistic because “Savage, I will love a son!” and “This isn’t Dathomir, and I am no Nightsister.” and “Savage, I love this baby more than life itself, I’m not giving up on it just because it may have a penis.” and it’ll take a bit more convincing, but once you waddle your way over to him, guiding his hand to your swollen belly, and look up at him with those eyes he loves so much, he’ll be sold. especially when you say, “We made this together, honey. A little piece of you and me and our love. There’s nothing I’d want more.”

“... Thank you.” savage would say again, like he did eight months ago when you first told him you were pregnant. and you’d just smile, all teary eyed and soft, especially when he smooths his large hand over your stomach, feeling the baby move around inside. “No, Savage, thank you.”

and he just kisses you silly.

~

(a month later, a week and a half overdue, your baby boy arrives.)

((he smiles the moment he sees savage.))

(((and there’s nothing but joy and celebration.)))

[istherewifiinhell]

ep 8 [jazz hands] im crying. i dont even know how to articulate that amount of feeling that they crammed into 30 minutes.

id been meaning to post about the sort of approaches to life, both that real people experience and as their view points as characters in the narrative. like takahashi's reserve to sakuko's impulse and even kazu gets in the mix with like. i don't know what to call it. willful enthusiasm. no. but anyway.

this final ep is sheer, raw influence that they've had on each other lives. like sakuko doesn't get to that point without the more internal thoughtful processes, takahashi doesn't get there without taking a risk and they wouldn't have talked about it at all probably if it weren't for kazu, who wouldn't be any good at lending his perspective if he hadn't first listened and learnt what their lifestyle was actually like

and this is all used in affect to, again with this show. just fucking destroy me, bowl me flat on my back with a conceptualization of happiness first self actualize living that actually is relatable to me, and meaningful. like of course i was sad to think they wont live together but they will still be family. thats of course possible. but like no. look at it. hes still a guy who runs a little aro vegetable blog. sakuko calls him for cooking advice. they send pictures of stuff they do in there day. and that fucking kills me cause i do in fact know exactly how that is. that's included in their version of family, in their Best, lives. a media that says. the things you do, and like, and imagine for yourself. that indeed can be a persons best way of living. it is for these people

[jockpoetry]

supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).” 

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me. 

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing. 

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not. 

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong. 

It’s Instantly Feminine. 

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only. 

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways. 

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally. 

Or they do it as a joke. 

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character. 

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode. 

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again. 

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine. 

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole). 

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.   

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them. 

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it. 

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card. 

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered. 

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters. 

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr. 

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above). 

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and  Again and Again and Again). 

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number. 

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously. 

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell. 

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to. 

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance. 

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is. 

In conclusion....