#but like why would u be on the phone during a surgery anyway

[bisaster-energy]

bro im super scared to go to this appointment

[bts-weverse-trans]

210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?

Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.

Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.

What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.

Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.

As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.

It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.

When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.

In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.

In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.

Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.

What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.

In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.

‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.

I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”

Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.

In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.

Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)

That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.

The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

Trans © Weverse

[sugadaily]

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music. How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible. How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities. How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing? Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery. You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days. Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all. What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe. Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me. As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords. It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend. When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap. In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles. In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write. Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects. What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things. In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky. ‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different. I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?” Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited. In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished. Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs) That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come. The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

[scoopsgf]

can i get a good night’s sleep? can i PLEASE get a good night’s sleep?!

or: five times peter parker doesn’t sleep + the one time he does

my contribution to the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange! this is for @snarky-drabbles - I hope you enjoy it! 

1. 

The first time is actually just the first in a while. Peter’s had problems sleeping ever since he was a little kid; it was just one issue of many that stacked up on top of each other, resulting in his personal belief that he must be the most difficult kid to look after on the planet.

Asthma meant hundreds of dollars spent on inhalers, covering what their shitty insurance didn’t. His poor eyesight was the same story and the bullies that used to break his glasses had never helped. But it wasn’t just physical crap, of course: he’s had anxiety for as long as he can remember.

There are cute side-effects like panic attacks and nausea, not to mention the constant sense of impending doom he’s been nursing since… well, birth, probably. When he was younger he’d worry about whether or not the taxi driver had enough gas in his car to get them where they needed to go, or maybe Ben would get shot at work (ironically enough, he’d never worried that Ben would get shot off-duty, and there is a teeny superstitious sliver of him that believes maybe if he had considered the possibility it never would have happened, like some kind of a reverse jinx or something).

One of the other cute things that comes along with it is insomnia.

So here he is, pacing in his kitchen at three in the morning because May isn’t home yet.

Her shift ended at two. She’s usually back within a half hour considering the hospital isn’t far, hence his agitation.

He’s tried calling and texting to no avail, and he keeps telling himself that everything is fine, that she probably just got held up; meanwhile his subconscious provides a great slideshow of mental images that speak to the opposite—her getting kidnapped because somehow someone links her to Spider-Man, her getting hit with a car, mugged, shot, slipping on black ice—and that’s actually not far-fetched considering it’s January, there’s a lot of it, and so he pulls out his phone and types, You didn’t slip on black ice and die did you? to May.

No little dots appear to signify that she’s typing. The message doesn’t even change from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’.

She has her read receipts on. She’s promised him. There’s no reason she’d change that, right? But maybe she accidentally switched them off when she was scrolling through her settings.

He calls her.

“Hi, this is May Parker, I’m unavailable at the moment but if you leave me a message I’ll get back to you as soon as—”

Peter hangs up with a dissatisfied grunt.

It’s only then that he realises, to his great dismay, that he’s paced all the way onto the ceiling.

In his shock he loses concentration and falls. “Ow, fuck.” He pulls his aching knee to his chest. It’ll no doubt be bruised soon. “God has forsaken me.”

He picks up his now cracked phone and texts Ned:

I just fell off the ceiling at 3 AM in the morning

Don’t ask me what I was doing on it

Every bone in my body is broken :(

No reply comes which is pretty typical; Ned probably passed out in front of his PC like, hours ago. Peter can picture it: the light of his computer screen casting a blue glow over everything in the room, his head probably tucked into his arms to muffle his snores (and there’s also probably a bowl of stale popcorn spilled across his floor at this point), his creepy mother lurking in the doorway—or worse, trying to find out how to snoop through his laptop while he’s out of it.

Peter could totally go swing down there and help the guy out. It would be something to do anyway.

But no. The door is too far. His suit… too much work. It’s definitely better to just stay here curled up under the table like a little turtle.

But wait—a blanket.

Is it worth the effort? Probably. Peter scans his immediate surroundings and, oh boy, Lady Fate is actually on his side tonight because there’s a gigantic purple fluffy one hanging off the couch and it only takes a little bit of physical exertion to yank it down and wrap it around his body.

He burrows deeper into it and scrolls through Instagram. MJ posted a picture of a banana today. Literally like, just a banana. No caption, no explanation on her story, nothing.

Peter double taps it and comments: i hope u asked before u took his jacket

No like. No reply. That makes sense. It is three in the fucking morning, after all.

No. Three thirty. It’s been an hour and a half.

What had May said once? That it was okay to call someone if she was two hours late?

Peter tries texting and calling one more time and then just sits there, staring at his home screen and watching the minutes pass. At exactly four AM after much deliberation and stomach churning, he calls someone else.

Three rings later: “I’m in Vienna right now so this better be good.”

Peter feels even more nauseous than before. “Oh,” he says. “I guess—never mind, then. Sorry.”

“Wait, wait, that was just for show and I’m greatly intrigued as to why you’re calling me so… early? Late? Anyway I’m out of the conference room now so lay it on me.”

Against his will, Peter’s lip quirks up. “Um, it’s kind of stupid—”

“Nothing is ever stupid,” Tony says. “Especially when it’s coming from the brain of a kid with an intelligence quotient of 260.”

He feels his cheeks heat up and then it all just comes tumbling out, “It’s really late and May was supposed to be off at two and home by two-thirty, but she’s not and I don’t know what to do. I tried calling and texting but she’s not replying and I know that I’m probably just building it up in my head but I can’t help freaking out because like, what if she got stabbed or slipped on black ice or—”

“Hey Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe.”

Tony’s voice has softened immeasurably. Something uncoils in Peter’s stomach. He flops onto his side and closes his eyes. “I’m breathing.”

“That’s good, kiddo. Now just hang on a sec, I’m gonna call the hospital.”

“What? Why?”

“Well she works there, right?”

“...Yeah.”

“And you haven’t tried calling them yet, correct?”

“...Correct.”

“Ergo,” Tony says.

“But I—”

“Yeah?”

Peter bites his lip and then he just blurts it: “I don’t want you to hang up.”

He feels like such a child but the thought of losing connection with Tony is literally making his heart palpitate and his palms sweat. He needs someone. He needs an adult.

“Well lucky for us both I have two phones.”

Peter cracks an eye. “You what?”

“I’m Tony Stark, don’t question it. Hang on, let me just—hello, hi, um, I need this room. No, it can’t wait. Yes the whole room. Yes locked. I don’t know, five minutes? Ten? An hour? No, I’m not joking. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. Bye now.” Something slams shut—the door to the office Tony just stole, probably. “Okay, just a sec, I have the number for the reception desk she works at in my phone.”

Peter, for some reason, feels immeasurably comforted by that. He sits in silence gnawing on his lip while Tony has a somewhat muffled conversation he can’t hear the other side of. Then, “You still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Okay, well, they said she’s covering for someone and can’t get to the phone because a baby had to have emergency surgery so she’s literally in the OR as we speak. Pretty badass and not bad as far as excuses go. Now that you know she’s fine and not dead by ice, how about you get some shut-eye, okay kid?”

Peter swallows. “Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Tony.”

“No Mr. Stark this time, huh?”

“It’s too late for formalities.”

“I see,” Tony replies. “Sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

The line goes dead. Peter, slightly relieved but not fully consoled, rolls over to face the door. He doesn’t sleep at all that night and is still there when May comes home at six in the morning with bagels and apologies.

—

2. 

The anniversary of Ben’s death is always super weird.

This time it takes him a few minutes to remember what day it is: he’s in the middle of brushing his teeth and then it hits him like a train: oh, it’s been three years.

Then comes May. She usually tries to cook something for breakfast but like always it burns. He leaves the bathroom to the sound of the smoke alarm and fans a cookie sheet at the screeching little device while she swears up and down in Italian.

“It’s okay, May, really—”

“No, it’s not!” She snaps, tossing a batch of blackened cinnamon rolls into the trash. “I just want this day to be easy for you!”

Peter goes over to her and, after kicking the oven door shut with his foot, pulls her into his arms. May starts to cry even though she tries not to; sniffles turn into barely stifled sobs. He knows that it’s harder for her than it is for him. Ben was her husband and they’d been married for thirteen years when he died. Sometimes he still catches her looking to see if he’s laughing too when they watch TV, only to find an empty recliner.

“It’s okay for it to be a bad day,” he whispers. “You know that, right? I mean, I love you to pieces, May, but I don’t wanna see you bending over backwards for me.”

“But that’s my job, doofus.”

Peter pulls back. He’s an inch taller than her now. “No it’s not. We take care of each other, okay?”

Then comes school. Ned usually hovers nervously like an agitated gnat, too afraid to say anything, not sure if he should act normal or be sad in solidarity, which means it’s kind of Peter’s job to set the tone. As he’s putting his combination in for his locker he asks, “So did you beat that level of Obra Dinn last night?”

Ned, shoulders slumping with relief, starts to ramble on about how hard it was to do and how it took him like, thirty whole tries.

They go to class. Peter zones out. He doesn’t bother making more web fluid or ditching and he gets so inside his own head that Coach Wilson compliments him again during gym class. Peter deliberately slows down after that, even if it’s kind of irritating; being physically active actually helps work off his anger.

Because that’s what he is more than anything else: angry. At the mugger, yeah, but at himself more than anything else. It was his fault that they were out that night, anyway. It’s a wonder that May doesn’t hate his fucking guts.

When school is up Peter comes home to an empty house. He thinks about going on patrol but doesn’t really feel up to it, and then he feels bad for not wanting to do it because like, what if someone is dying?

So he puts on the suit and swings from rooftop to rooftop, but there’s no action today. Peter eventually settles on a fire escape with a burrito. A stray cat hops up after a while and, despite his matted fur and crazy eyes, Peter decides he has a kind of quiet dignity about him and names him Charles.

“Do you like beef?” He asks, holding some out for Charles to sniff. The cat yowls and, without any warning other than that, nearly chomps Peter’s fingers off to get the meat.

“Ow, jeez!” Peter shakes his wrist. “I was literally giving it to you for free, but go off I guess.”

Charles blinks his big brown marble eyes and then literally jumps off the fucking ledge. Peter leans over and watches him scamper across the street, somehow not getting hit by any traffic. Sometimes he thinks his spidey sense is more like feline sense in that way: he could probably manage the same thing with his eyes closed.

After a while the sun sets and all of the streetlights turn on. Peter does another patrol around the immediate vicinity but again, nothing. He stays out anyway though because he’d rather do his Chemistry homework behind a dumpster than sit alone in the apartment with nothing but the quiet for company. At least out and about there are sewer rats and mangy dogs and shady characters who actually just turn out to be skateboarders.

Peter is almost done with his assignment when the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

He looks up and finds Iron Man himself coming in for a landing. The suit drops with a barely audible clunk; it’s Mark 54, the sleekest and most lightweight model yet.

“Oh thank God,” says Tony’s voice, “you’re not dead.”

Peter frowns even though Tony can’t see it. “No,” he agrees slowly. “Why would I be dead? What are you doing here?”

“Well, your aunt called me in a panic at around four when she got home and you weren’t there, and then I checked the scanners and saw that you’d been here, completely stationary, for like five whole hours—needless to say I had a little bit of a heart attack and here I am, relieved and also mildly infuriated. Care to explain, young padawan?”

Peter opens his mouth to speak. Closes it. Opens it again and, “It’s four AM?”

“Four fifteen,” Tony corrects.

“I didn’t even—I didn’t know! Shit, May’s totally gonna kill me, I might as well be dead—”

“Woah woah woah,” the faceplate lifts, “calm down, okay? No one is mad. Just, uh, concerned, I promise.”

Peter is still frantically packing up his school supplies and not really listening. He only stops when Tony gently touches him by lightly gripping his elbow. “Kid?”

Peter stares down at the older man’s hand. Behind the mask his eyes start to burn. “Ben died.”

“Pardon?”

“Ben died,” he repeats louder. “In this alley. Two years ago.”

All at once Tony’s face falls. He moves to sit by Peter on the grimy floor of the alley while the suit hovers nearby, a hollow shell, just the way Peter feels now.

“Kid,” Tony says, “take off the mask.”

“What? No, I’m in public—”

“No one’s around,” Tony says. “Just take it off, okay?”

Peter does, reluctantly peeling it back to reveal his tear-stained cheeks. Tony stares for a second and then, almost hesitantly, he wraps his arms around Peter. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I—” he chokes. “I’m just so tired. I’m tired of having to watch May be strong for me when I can’t be strong back, and I’m tired of Ben not being around. I miss him and it—it’s not fair.”

“Of course it’s not. It’s never fair. That’s why it hurts, kiddo. You’ve got all this love and no place to put it.”

Peter bites his lip to stop it from quivering and looks away, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. “I just feel pathetic.”

“Don’t,” Tony says firmly. “I felt the same way after my mom died and it… In some ways I don’t think the feeling ever actually went away, but uh, take it from someone who’s had a lot more time to process: no one is expecting anything from you, okay? And I can guarantee there’s not a single human that thinks two years is long enough to be perfectly fine again. You’re allowed to still be upset about this.”

And Peter is. He’s really, really fucking upset about it and so tired of holding it in. Tony pulls him against his chest when Peter starts to cry and it sort of seems like he’ll never be able to stop. There’s just so much, so much guilt and pain and all kinds of other bullshit that he refuses to lay on May.

So he lays it on Tony. And it’s surprisingly not horrible or awkward or even the end of the world.

“You good?” the older man asks, when Peter finally sobers up enough to wipe his cheeks dry and take a few steadying breaths.

“Yeah,” he says, voice ragged and awful-sounding. “Um, sorry. For freaking you and May out and ruining your shirt, I mean.”

“You know there’s this really snazzy invention called a washing machine—”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Tony laughs and it makes Peter laugh too, and the tension between them just sort of dissipates. “Speaking of clothes,” Tony claps his hands together, “you got any to wear in that backpack?”

“Uh, jeans and a hoodie?”

“Fantastic, incredible. Throw them on, I’m taking you out for breakfast.”

“But what if someone sees?!”

“Let ’em. I’ll have Pep release a statement claiming you as my personal assistant or head intern or something.”

“That’s totally unrealistic.”

“Do I care? No. Just—okay? Up and at ’em, make haste, come on. What do you feel like, pancakes or waffles?”

They bicker about which is better the entire way to the little diner Tony choses, and Peter comes home full an hour later. May is fast asleep at the kitchen table. He kisses her forehead and starts on breakfast for her.

—

3. 

He’s thirty minutes into helping MJ study for her AP French test when she finally gets a question wrong. “‘Il n'est pas clair que’?” Peter queries, holding up the flash card.

“‘It’s not certain that’?”

He makes a pitying noise. “Close. ‘It’s not clear that’.”

“What’s not clear, exactly? That if I see one more word in French I’m gonna blow my brains out?”

Peter snorts. “No, actually it says more clarification is required on how much you like your boyfriend. Suggestions to improve that include: a hug, a kiss, both—”

“Neither?”

He pouts. “Mean.”

MJ rolls her eyes, but she kisses him first. She tastes like the Twizzlers they’ve been eating and her hands are in his hair and she laughs when he presses his lips to her cheeks and nose and forehead.

They somehow end up in an incredibly compromising position. “You know,” MJ muses, “I don’t think I’ve been studying the right kind of French.”

Peter, hovering over her (oops), nods in agreement. “This kind is definitely way better.”

She wraps her arms around his neck and he’s so consumed with this: her and him and the smell of her jasmine shampoo—that he almost doesn’t hear it.

Almost.

Peter rips away abruptly. “What was that?”

She groans. “God, you’re such a dog sometimes.”

He ignores her, sitting alert with his eyes narrowed at the window and, sure enough, there it is again: a faint, blood-curdling scream. “Someone’s being attacked or something. Maybe four blocks away tops.”

MJ squints. “Don’t tell me you can echolocate.”

“I—” Peter’s mouth snaps shut and then opens again. “I actually don’t know. Anyway, I gotta go.”

He presses a quick kiss to her cheek, throws on his jacket, and quickly ducks out her fire escape (which happens to be the same way that he came in). He slips the mask on and tosses his hood up; it’s raining in heavy, icy sheets and Peter is drenched within seconds of swinging. He remembers the first time he’d gone out during a storm; the webbing he’d made hadn’t held up because the chemical formula hadn’t accounted for the massive amounts of water-based reaction, so the biocables had evaporated as they left his shooters. Thankfully he hadn’t jumped first that day, otherwise he would be a Peter Pancake.

Another scream sounds. Peter follows it and winds up latched onto the side of a two-story brick building. There’s an incredibly dark alley below, but a quick flash of lightning tells him everything he needs to know: one man is trying to wrestle a woman down, while another is rifling through her purse. He’s also holding a gun.

“Oh, cute,” he mutters sarcastically.

Peter tries to time it right: he takes aim and shoots a web right at the weapon with the next bout of lightning, but to his immense misfortune, the armed mugger had already seen him and was aiming right back. The bullet hits Peter in the side.

“Ow,” he says, “that was uncalled for.”

He drops. His side is throbbing and hot but he ignores it in favour of disarming the guy who shot him. It’s a brief struggle but Peter ends up whacking the gun out of his hand and webbing it to the wall opposite. Then he knocks the guy out with a solid upper cross to the temple.

Peter rounds. The assailant has already fled, leaving the woman shivering but relatively unharmed.

“You okay, ma’am?” he asks.

“Me? That guy shot you!”

Peter looks down at his side which is now stained with blood. “Oh, yeah.”

He’d actually forgotten for half a second. Now that the adrenaline is wearing off, he’s starting to really feel it: a burning sensation in his abdomen, an aching that pulses from his stomach to his chest. Ah. Wonderful.

A little dazed, he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. Super healing. Are you good? You need me to call you a cab?”

“What? No, um—the police station is like, down the block, I can go get them.”

“Are you sure? Because I can totally do that—”

“I can handle myself,” she says sharply, bending down to pick up her purse and the discarded items within. “It’s just… there were two of them and there was a gun and—”

“I get it,” Peter says, his hand pressing harder into his side as the world grows blurrier around the edges. “You really don’t want me to at least walk you down?”

“I’ll take a taxi,” she says. “You just, um, get yourself fixed up, okay? And thanks.”

“Yeah, sure, anytime! But, y’know, preferably never again,” Peter says, and proceeds to swing away.

—

Tony doesn’t expect to get woken up at two AM after only just falling asleep five minutes before, but such is life; FRIDAY’s voice bleeds through the speakers above to inform him that Spider-Man is currently rifling through the Med-Bay and bleeding from a wound on his side.

Pepper looks at him. “You heard that too, right? That was real?”

“It was real.”

They both scramble out of bed. Tony takes the lead, throwing on his jacket as he runs toward the elevator. It’s times like these when every second stretches out into an eternity; it takes maybe five of them to get from their floor to the Med-Bay, but it feels like forever.

The doors open and there’s Peter, perched on a gurney with his shirt gone and a whole lot of blood staining his side. He’s bent awkwardly, clearly trying to feel his way around whatever wound he’s got.

“Um,” Tony says, approaching, “What.”

Peter looks up and—yeah, he’s lost a lot more blood than Tony had originally thought. His face is fucking drained. “Hey,” he says, offering a jaunty wave before returning his attention to his side. “I got shot.”

“Oh!” Tony nods. “Oh, okay. What the fuck, kiddo?”

“I know, right?” Peter glances up. “Hey, Pepper.”

“Peter,” she returns. “Do you mind if I wash my hands and take a look at that?”

“If you want. It’s kinda gross, though.”

“Believe me, I’ve seen worse.”

Through this exchange Tony was already washing up, and now he dons a pair of gloves and sits on the rolling stool. “Looks like it’s through and through,” he tells Pep over his shoulder. “Could you grab a couple suture kits and, uh, the stuff?”

Pepper makes a face. “The stuff?”

“You know,” Tony says, “The Good Stuff.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh, that stuff.”

Tony feels around the area. “Do you know what kind of gun was used?”

“Looked like your standard nine mil,” Peter replies. His voice is growing a little slurred.

That’s good though, about the gun. Means there’s probably not any bullet fragments to worry about. Tony grabs a load of gauze and presses it against the wound. He checks Peter’s pulse while he’s at it and finds that it’s slowed considerably. “We’re gonna have to get you some blood, too. A neg, right?”

“Yuppers.”

Tony excuses that because after all, the kid is bleeding out on a table. Said kid actually starts to swing his legs back and forth and, yeah, that’s not gonna fly. “Do me a favour and lay back? I’m gonna put this towel right under you for now.”

Peter doesn’t have any arguments, or if he does, he doesn’t vocalise them. Pepper comes back in with the kits and drugs and, because she’s just smarter than him like that, bags of blood.

Tony grabs the vials first and loads up a syringe. Peter is pretty numb to all of it until the needle goes in. Then he frowns. “Why are you injecting me with alien blood?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “It’s not alien blood, it’s a pain killer. A serious one at that, so you’re probably gonna feel a little out of it for a while, okay?”

Peter frowns. “Is it for Steve?”

Tony tenses, but it’s only for a second. “Yes,” he says, somewhat tightly.

“Ugh. What a turd, Mr. Stark. You’re giving me turd vitamins!” Tony scoffs while Pepper laughs. Peter notices. “See? She thinks I’m funny.”

“You’re not helping me here,” Tony says to her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Here, have some thread.”

Tony sighs. “Just stay still for me, okay?”

Peter does. Pepper passes him various supplies and they work together to sew up both ends of the gunshot wound. By the time they’re done, Peter hasn’t moved once, but his eyes are open and he’s frowning.

“How do you feel?”

“Wired,” he says.

“Seriously? Bruce never said anything about the side-effects, but I figured they’d be like normal pain-killers; make you drowsy and all that.”

“No,” Peter sits up quickly and doesn’t even flinch. “I feel like I just got steroids or something. Are you—are you actually telling me that Captain America’s drugs are infused with a stimulant? What, so he can keep fighting even when he’s in the middle of dying?”

Tony blinks. “Well that was smart of dear Banner.”

“Yeah, or insane.” Peter flexes his hands. “I feel like I need to go for a run, or like, break something.”

“Let’s avoid that,” Tony says, pushing him back down. “You need to heal, not mess yourself up even more, understood?”

Peter stares. “Is it normal to see sounds?”

Pepper bursts out laughing again. “I’m sorry,” she says when Tony glares. “Really, I am, I promise. Peter, honey, how about we get you to a bedroom where you can rest up? We’ll call your aunt and explain everything.”

—

Everything is going fine until May asks, “How did you get to the Tower so quick, then?”

Peter blinks. “Hmm? Pardon?”

“If you were at Ned’s,” May says, “how’d you manage to swing all the way across town?”

Peter opens his mouth and closes it. “I, uh… well, funny story, um… I wasn’t actually at Ned’s?”

There’s a pause over the phone. Pepper, who’s holding it, raises an eyebrow. May says: “You told me you were going to Ned’s, Peter.”

His face feels hot. He hopes it isn’t red. Both Pepper and Tony—from the doorway with his hands stuffed in his sweatpant pockets—are staring. It’s almost as bad as if May were really here.

“Well I was going to Ned’s, but then I changed my mind and went somewhere else and oh—look at the time! I think we’re going through a tunnel—”

“Don’t even try to pull that crap! That’s it, I’m coming over there—”

“May,” Peter says, serious now, “you’re in the middle of a shift, there’s people dying. Just—I’m perfectly fine, I took my Captain America drugs and everything is gonna be okay.”

“But you lied to me.”

“No, I changed my mind.”

“And went where?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Peter.”

“May.”

She groans from the other end of the line and demands to speak to Pepper one on one. Tony’s fiancé grins and switches off speaker, before slipping out with a bright laugh to finish off the conversation. Tony stares expectantly. “So where were you?”

“Oh my god, not you too. You know, on second thought, I actually am completely exhausted and—”

“Uh, nope,” Tony flops down onto the bed. “Fess up.”

Peter sighs. He squirms down and covers his pillow with a head. “No.”

Tony joins him under it. “Tell me.”

Peter scowls. He rolls onto his side so they’re facing one another. “I was with my girlfriend.”

“Oooo—”

“Shush! It’s… it’s really not a big deal and I haven’t told May yet because MJ and I haven’t even really talked about it and it all happened super fast and—” he remembers to breathe, “I just… I always tell May everything, you know? But I kind of just felt like… this was something I had to figure out first on my own. Maybe it’s stupid, but I know she’s gonna be super hurt when she finds out it’s been a month and I haven’t said anything—”

“Kid,” Tony cuts in. “Calm down.”

“I’m calm,” Peter promises, because he is. He’s also just incredibly hyper and stressed.

“It’s a normal instinct to want to figure things out and define them before you start announcing them to the world. I get that. But you’re still a kid, Pete, and even if you don’t want people prying into your love life, we still need to know where you are in case something goes wrong.”

Peter harrumphs as he turns away. “There’s a tracker on my phone and my suit. It would be easier to find me than anything else.”

Tony clicks his tongue. “You got a point there.”

“I just wanted time.”

“I know.”

“But I really like her, okay? Like she’s so smart and she’s got this really dark sense of humour and she’s actually kind of terrifying sometimes—”

“Oh, the scary ones are always fun.”

They stay up talking through the night and, when the sun comes up, Pepper joins them with a tray of freshly made blueberry waffles. May arrives around the same time and, looking too tired to be mad, simply drops onto the bed with them and steals what’s left of his food.

—

4. 

Peter is on patrol when he hears it:

a soft, quiet yelping coming from somewhere down below the rooftop he’s perched on.

At first he figures he’s imagining things, but then his ears perk again. He leans over the building’s edge to find the source of the noise.

In the dark it’s hard to make anything out, so he climbs slowly down the side of the wall, squinting. There’s another yelp and a low whine, almost pained. Peter zeroes in on the sound and creeps toward a set of dumpsters; they’re so full of trash they’re overflowing, and it’s underneath a broken down cardboard box that he finds it... 

A puppy.

Now, Peter is no liar. He’s wanted a dog since he was like, a fetus. The words ‘A dog’ have been on every birthday and Christmas list for as long as he can remember. It’s only recently, in the years since Ben’s death, that he’s pretty much given up—after all, May is so overworked and they can barely afford to feed themselves. How could they afford a pet?

But also…

This is the cutest dog he’s ever seen.

It’s tiny and fluffy and brown and has the biggest, saddest eyes he’s ever seen.

Peter kind of just stands there staring like an idiot for a good few seconds and then slowly kneels down. “Um, hi,” he says, in the gentlest voice he can manage. The puppy, who can’t be older than a few weeks and looks completely starved and exhausted, whines in response.

Peter holds out his hand for the dog to sniff. It lifts its head lazily and leans forward, nose twitching and dry. “You need water, huh? Come on, I know a place.”

—

“Shelob,” Tony greets without looking up from whatever project he’s working on. “What can I do for you at… one in the fucking morning?”

“I need your help with something, but you have to promise you won’t get mad or make me get rid of him—”

“Oh, for God’s sake, what have you done now?”

“He was just so helpless and cold and small and…” Peter swallows and reveals the puppy, presently wrapped up in his hoodie. “Meet Nugget.”

Tony’s face is the epitome of Disappointed Dad. He stares, open-mouthed, and after a second his shoulders fall. “Well, fuck.”

Peter snuggles Nugget against his chest and steps closer, but then Tony holds up a hand to stop him. “Nah-ah! Not until that thing gets a flea bath!”

Hope sparks in Peter’s chest. “You mean we can keep him?”

“I mean there’s no way I’m getting near him until I know I won’t break out in hives.”

“That’s not how fleas work.”

“Do I care? No. Come on, let’s go to the bathroom.”

—

“Why do you have flea shampoo?”

Peter’s inquiry is made tentatively. They both have their hands in the sud-filled sink as they systematically wash Nugget’s fur.

“There was… an incident a while ago. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Peter stares. Blinks. “Okay. Well, I think he’s clean.”

Nugget barks as if in agreement, and so Peter and Tony lift him out of the basin and set him on a pile of no doubt expensive, fluffy white towels. Tony takes the lead after that. He’s surprisingly gentle and patient with the yapping, impatient puppy—even when Nugget tries to claw at him and shake himself dry, Tony never loses his cool.

A few minutes later they’re sitting on their stomachs watching Nugget stomp around on a blanket. There’s water in a bowl for him at one corner and a plate of chopped up chicken at another.

“I can’t take him home,” Peter says morosely after a few minutes. “May won’t let me keep him.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “Where does she even think you are right now?”

“...In my bed.”

“Wow,” Tony says, deadpan. “Okay, well, I most certainly can’t keep him either.”

“What?! Why not?!”

Tony sighs. “I’m Iron Man, if you hadn’t noticed, kiddo—”

“Oh, what, so you’re too tough to look after him?”

“No, I’m too busy. I spend like, twenty-three out of twenty-four hours in a day in my shop and the rest of the time I’m on my knees apologising to Pepper and begging for forgiveness. There’s no time in-between to feed the pup, walk the pup—”

“I could come by,” Peter blurts. “Like, once a day, and I could make sure he’s eaten and play with him and stuff. You wouldn’t have to lift a finger—”

“Except to press ‘purchase’ on my shopping cart full of dog food—”

“Tony,” Peter cuts in, pleading, “please? I can’t just drop him off at some kennel so they can—” he covers the dog’s ears, “so they can euthanize him in a week when no one buys him. He deserves so much better, you know?”

Tony frowns, considering it, and Peter waits with his breath caught in his throat until, “God, fine.”

“Yes!”

“But! But! A pet is a serious responsibility, okay? You might as well be adopting a child—”

“What would you know about raising kids?” Peter asks, only jokingly, but Tony just stares and then, for some reason, smiles.

“You have to make sure he’s happy,” Tony says. “You have to be there for him in whatever way he needs, alright? I’ll set up a pen in the penthouse and you can make sure he works off his energy there, and if I have time I’ll even take you both to the park. And if he ever happens to pee on my carpet, I’m counting on you to clean it up.”

“Don’t you have, like, housekeepers for that sort of thing?”

“Yeah, but this is character building stuff.”

“Ugh, fine, I’ll clean up the pee.”

They continue to iron out the details for a while and bicker over whether Nugget’s last name should be Parker or Stark, and it’s only when Pepper walks in—still in her pajamas, bleary eyed and complaining that they woke her up—that they both decide it should be ‘Potts’.

—

5. (+1)

It starts with a headache.

He’s bent over his desk studying for a Calc test when the throbbing begins. It’s not so bad at first, but after a half hour or so his vision is swimming and he keeps having to take breaks to massage his temples and close his eyes. The equations are all blending together and he can’t think straight anymore.

Peter decides to give up right around then. After all, if he’s not gonna retain any of the information, why bother?

May pokes and prods through dinner. Peter tries to fool her by acting like everything is normal and okay and even manages to make her laugh once or twice.

Inside, dread is coiling through his stomach like an irritated snake. He knows what’s coming next; after all, he doesn’t really get sick anymore, so what else could it be?

Peter tries to sleep but ends up tossing and turning for most of the night. He falls into some kind of half-conscious daze at around four in the morning and rouses about twenty minutes later, soaked with sweat and aching everywhere.

Feeling like he’s gonna vomit, Peter kicks off his blankets and strips the sheets off his bed. He takes his shirt off because the fabric is too abrasive against his skin and it’s like he can feel every fibre tickling against it, grating and chafing. He curls up into a tight ball and covers his ears with his hands to block out the now amplified sounds of the city: car alarms, dogs barking, music playing.

Normally Peter loves the way New York is never silent. Now, he just wishes everyone would shut the fuck up for once.

When he stumbles out of his room a little while later, May is already gone. She’d told him the night before that she had an early shift and for once he’s actually grateful. Haltingly, Peter gets ready for school. He’s already skipped three days this month and if he misses this Calc quiz he’s gonna fucking bomb the class.

May would kill him.

It’s better to suffer a little than die.

Brushing his teeth makes his head spin and the minute he wriggles into his clothes he feels like a caged animal about to claw his skin off. Everything takes so much longer than normal. He doesn’t eat because the mere thought of food makes the back of his throat sting with bile.

On the train, he closes his eyes and rests his head against the cool glass of the window, trying to tune out the constant screeching of the rails. One day, on God, he will make it a personal project to oil every fucking line in the subway.

At his fifth stop, an old lady boards and all the seats are taken.

Peter swallows thickly and stands. Black spots dance in his vision and he grabs onto the overhead bar—something he hasn’t actually needed to use since he was a little kid—and tries not to pass out.

He almost misses the stop to get to school, but slips out at the last second, millimetres away from getting his backpack caught in the doors. Peter is hot all over and lightheaded as he makes his way out of the station. It’s even hotter up above, what with summer coming now and all.

Peter is late and he doesn’t need his watch to tell; Flash’s car is already parked out front instead of zooming through the drop off to run him over (which, hey, silver lining), and the majority of the student body is already inside.

Peter has to stop multiple times on his way to Spanish just to breathe. By the time he gets there he’s at least ten minutes late for roll call.

“Mr. Parker,” his teacher greets, unimpressed. “So glad you could join us.”

Peter makes a noise and takes the proffered quiz. He wonders absently why some people choose to teach. What is it, like, some kind of power trip for them?

He has five minutes to finish the quiz but doesn’t make it past the first question. Ned volunteers to collect them and stops at Peter’s desk while Professor Scott outlines today’s lesson plan.

“Dude,” he whisper-hisses, “you look like complete shit. What on Earth are you doing here right now?”

“Test,” Peter mutters dully, resting his cheek on his hand and closing his eyes. “Here you go. Didn’t finish it.”

Ned takes it carefully, holding it with two fingers like it’s covered in disease. “Do you want me to get the nurse or something?”

Peter hums. “No. Just… headache.”

Slowly Ned backs away. “Um—”

“Mr. Leeds!” Professor Scott says, loudly. Ned jumps. “Is there a problem back there?”

Yes, Peter thinks. You’re the human version of nails on a fucking chalk board. Please, for the love of all that is holy, just start on the vocab.

Only he accidentally says all of that out loud.

The whole class is staring. Flash is slack-jawed. Betty Brant’s eyes are the size of small moons.

“Parker,” Scott grits out—and Peter has denominated him to just Scott now out of reciprocation and spite; “You just earned yourself a shiny new detention. I’d like you to take this slip to the principal’s office. Please.”

Oh, thank God. At least it’ll be quiet there.

Peter stands and brushes past Ned and it literally feels like flames of hell are licking against his skin. He almost vomits. This is decidedly not good.

He takes the paper. “Gladly, good sir.”

When he’s gone, there’s an outburst of muttering that his enhancements let him hear. It only makes the overload worse. Peter covers his ears with his hands again and, overcome with a sudden wave of vertigo, ducks into the bathroom.

He barely makes it to the toilet before emptying his stomach of last night’s food.

Peter sags against the wall, panting. He keeps his eyes closed and waits for the world to stop spinning. About ten minutes later, the smell of jasmine shampoo—normally welcome—causes him to lean over and retch again.

MJ pokes her head inside the unlocked stall. “Jesus,” she whispers. The second her hands touch his body he flinches and she immediately retracts them. “Fuck, sorry. Ned said you wigged out in Spanish. I looked for you in the Principal's office but you weren’t there and... What’s—what’s wrong? I thought you couldn’t even get sick.”

“Bad headache,” he mutters, spitting into the toilet. It’s easier than explaining about his freakish mutations and how they sometimes go completely haywire, leaving him on edge and nauseous and irritable.

MJ grabs him some toilet paper to wipe his mouth with. “Did you take anything?”

“Pain meds don’t work on me.”

“Does May know? You should have called in.”

“Couldn’t. Can’t miss my test.”

She sighs. “Your final is like fifty percent of your grade and you could pass it with your eyes closed. You can miss your test, you’re just afraid of getting anything lower than an A.”

Peter is silent. “You got me there.”

MJ’s hand twitches like she wants to touch him but knows she can’t. “You need to go home. Lie down, get some rest.”

“May is working,” Peter says, “and if I have to take the subway again right now I’ll die. I really will. It’s so—the smell and the noise and I can’t sit down and—”

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

“Just give it.”

She’s holding her hand out for it and giving him a no-nonsense expression that kind of reminds Peter of Pepper Potts on a rampage. He’s seen what happens to Tony when he crosses her, so he fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it over.

“Hold on.”

She stands and leaves. Peter closes his eyes again. He tunes out her conversation because if he doesn’t, he’s absolutely gonna vomit again and nobody wants that.

MJ slips back inside the stall. “Okay, solved. Do you still feel like you’re gonna vomit?”

Peter thinks about it. “No.”

“Good. We’re gonna go to the nurse, okay?”

“Oh boy.”

—

Tony Stark walks into Peter’s school and finds the hallways empty. The classroom doors are shut and the muted sounds of teachers lecturing are the only signs that anyone is here at all.

He finds Peter in the infirmary, sitting on the examination table with the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes.

He’s at his side in an instant. “Kid?”

It’s surprise that gets Peter’s eyes open, but the little spider baby immediately regrets it. He flinches and sucks in a sharp breath. “Tony,” he whispers, like the name is all he can manage and the questions will have to wait for later.

Tony looks him over. There are no obvious injuries. The girl on the phone had said it was just a headache, but Tony is way more experienced with Peter’s brand of bullshit and knows there’s usually something else going on beneath the surface.

“I’m gonna go talk to the nurse and then get you out of here, okay?”

A nod.

It’s always a bad thing when he doesn’t argue. Peter Parker would start a fight about what kind of pizza to order, even if you suggest the kind he really wants, just to be a stubborn little shit about things.

Tony slips out of the exam room. The nurse looks up when he enters her office. “Oh my—Mr. Stark?!”

“Yes, hello,” Tony takes a cautious step forward as she stands. He doesn’t bother to sit. “I’m here to pick up the little gremlin in there.”

Her face flushes. “I didn’t know you’d been called, I—I figured I would just let him wait it out, you know? He didn’t want to be touched, so it was hard to figure out what was up and—so it’s real? About the internship?”

“Of course. Why would he lie?”

She opens her mouth. Closes it. “Well… you know how kids can be.”

“Do I?”

She doesn’t seem to know what to say to that.

Tony sighs. “Look, Nurse—uh, Timms—Nurse Timms, can I please just sign the kid out and take him home? He’s clearly in pain here.”

She starts rifling through her desk for a form. “I mean, I can admit you to take him home, but I really suggest you talk with the principal first—Peter was given a detention before he was brought to my ward, see, and I was—” she shakes her head. “I thought he might be faking.”

Tony stares without blinking for a whole five seconds and then, “Detention? For what?”

“I heard he bad-mouthed a teacher or something. But to be fair, Professor Scott isn’t exactly what I’d call patient.”

“Well, be that as it may,” Tony takes the form she hands him to sign, “my kid doesn’t fake. He has a condition, see. Gets uh… overloaded. Sounds, smells, it can be too much for him. Probably why he snapped.”

“That… that makes sense.”

“Yes,” he says succinctly, and hands the paper back. “You’d know that if you bothered to ask. Anyway, I’ll be going. Thanks for the help, Nurse Times.”

“Uh, it’s—it’s Timms—”

The door shuts behind him.

—

MJ was forced to go back to class. She’d argued and protested but Nurse Timms was insistent. So, MJ had relented. She’d pressed the lightest of kisses on his forehead and it surprisingly hadn’t felt that bad, and then she’d gone.

Tony Stark had shown up about twenty minutes later and it’s just when Peter’s starting to think it was all just a vivid hallucination that the smell of coffee and motor oil fills his senses again. It’s overwhelming but not debilitating.

“Kiddo,” Tony whispers, “is it okay to touch you?”

Peter cracks an eye. Everything is bright but Tony’s suit is mercifully black, so he focuses on that. “I don’t know. I don’t wanna move.”

“Well I gotta get you outta here somehow.”

“But my detention—”

“I already got you out of it,” Tony says breezily. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Tony,” Peter says, cheeks flushing. “You can’t just bribe my principal into—”

“I didn’t bribe anyone. I just explained the situation and besides, Morita’s an old friend.”

Peter closes his eyes again as he frowns. “You’re friends with my principal?”

“I’m a benefactor for your school, too,” Tony says. “But don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.”

Something shifts in the air. Tony is sitting now. “Happy’s waiting outside,” he says, “but whenever you’re ready.”

Peter thinks about it for a few seconds and decides it’s gonna have to happen at some point, anyway. Might as well rip the band-aid off now. Slowly he takes a deep breath and manages to sit up with Tony’s help. The older man tries to avoid touching him as much as possible, but surprisingly enough the weight of his hand against Peter’s spine isn’t crushing or aggravating. It doesn’t hurt.

“Baby steps,” Tony says softly. “We’ll take you out the side door, okay?”

Even getting to the door is slow going but Tony doesn’t seem to mind. Right before they open it, Tony stops and pulls his sunglasses off. “Here, try these.”

Peter puts them on. He feels ridiculous because like, they work on Tony who was literally born in the seventies, but Peter really doesn’t dig the groovy shades. Regardless they’re better than nothing and even help a little.

The halls are empty again. Most of the students will be in the gym right about now, or the cafeteria for lunch. They don’t run into anybody on the way out and as soon as they’re in the back of the car, Peter sags against Tony’s side. He feels like he’s just run ten miles.

“Drive, Hogan,” Tony says, and then the partition glides up.

For a few seconds it’s almost completely quiet. Noise suppression tech, Peter realises, and he feels like he could cry from relief. For the first time in hours there’s just… nothing. No traffic, no dozens of students talking at once. The air conditioning unit is filtered, so he’s not being attacked with the smell of body odour and clashing perfume scents and Axe cologne. There’s just Tony and beautiful, amazing, showstopping silence.

Tony shifts a little. “Better?”

Peter nods, figuring it’s still probably not safe to speak.

“We’ll be there soon,” Tony says softly.

—

Peter doesn’t remember much after the car ride. He can vaguely recall protesting getting out of the Audi, and he remembers Tony assuring him that everything would be okay, and the next thing he knows he’s lying on his back in an utterly dark bedroom. The walls are insulated just like the car had been, so there’s just no sound, and the bed sheets probably have the highest thread count of all time.

Something shifts beside Peter and he realises Tony is there, feeling his forehead.

“What—?”

“Oh, hey,” Tony greets. “I think you might’ve blacked out there. All the noise hit you at once when we got out of the car and you just…”

“I fainted?”

Tony snorts softly. “Relax. It happens to the best of us. How do you feel, Webster?”

Peter hums. “Bad.”

“Let’s try a scale of one to ten.”

“Okay,” Peter says. “Ten.” Tony lets out a little grunt at that and so Peter elaborates, “It was at like, a twenty this morning, so.”

“Ah, I see.” Tony’s grip shifts to Peter’s wrist to measure his pulse. “This okay?”

“It’s fine.”

And it really is. He doesn’t feel like burning his skin off or anything. Tony’s hands are just warm.

“Any idea what brought this on?”

Peter shifts a little. “I uh… haven’t been sleeping a lot lately.” He swallows. “Like, at all.”

“And how long’s that been going on for?”

“I don’t know. On and off for a few weeks, I guess.”

“Jesus,” Tony sighs and pulls his hand away. He rakes it through his hair. “Kiddo, what have we said about communication? Does May know?”

“....No?”

There’s a long pause where Tony just kind of sits there thinking, like he wants to say whatever comes next carefully. He massages his temples and then: “Alright, scooch over.”

“What?”

“Make room for me.”

Peter blinks and then, tentatively, scoots over a little to allow Tony room to lie down. The older man does, arching his back a little and grunting in pain because he’s like, ancient. They’re not touching, but very slowly Peter starts inching closer again. Eventually he works up the courage to try resting his head on Tony’s chest, which is terrifying not only because it’s Tony Stark, but also because he’d rather not have his brain implode.

Nothing happens. “Your fabric softener must be like, super expensive,” he whispers, because this is actually better than the sheets.

Tony snorts. “I’ll ask Pep about it.”

Peter makes a noncommittal noise and before he knows it, his eyes are closing. For once they actually feel heavy, and the steady rhythm of Tony’s heart beat is soothing, dependable.

Tony’s hands brush lightly over Peter’s hair and then thread through it. “Too much?”

“No,” Peter promises. “Good.”

And so Tony’s fingers run through his curls over and over, gently, lightly. His thumb sweeps over Peter’s cheek once, too, and then he starts muttering in Italian.

Peter cracks an eye. “Are you telling me your grocery shopping list?”

Tony laughs a little. “My mom used to do it for me,” he says. “Something about just hearing her speak the language made me feel… relaxed, I guess. Didn’t matter what she was saying.”

Peter smiles and wraps an arm around Tony’s torso. “Tell me something else.”

“You wanna hear about the time I almost blew up a Chem lab?”

“Uh, duh.”

So Tony launches into it, speaking in a low voice and absently twisting one of Peter’s curls around his finger. It feels nice and the headache is fading fast.

Peter sleeps. 

[emiefaunwrites]

Cause we are horrible people would you be able to write a close call for Leon? It's OK if you need time to think of it!

Hey anon!

A part of me was waiting for this ask and so I've been thinking about what things happen. And as your ask came through...well, by jove I got one!

So yes, anon. I will indugle in a little meanness and give you a close call for Leon. Trigger warnings for accidents and injury underneath so please don't read if that upsets you.

Thanks for the ask! Hope you enjoyyyy!

*********************

• Leon is a major clutz.

• He's constantly knocking things over, tripping over his own feet and has absolutely terrible balance (which is a big surprise considering the one-legged contortions he twists into when pitching!)

• But that doesn't stop him enjoying life!

• He won't let his clutzy tendencies stop him from doing the things he enjoys, even if it has resulted in some majorly embarrassing scenarios.

• So he's learnt to brush things off with humour.

• He knocks something over? 'Looks better that way anyway.'

• He trips over something? 'Shouldn't have been having a nap where I was walking!'

• He loses his balance? 'Practicing my dance moves.'

• He always has a witty response for whatever happens.

• But one day, his clutziness nearly costs him dearly.

• He and Kei are practicing baseball techniques in the garden while Taka's out one day.

• He's taught her how to swing and though she doesn't have his strength, the girl hits hard.

• He's had to climb into bushes, run into the neighbours gardens, even had to run across the street to get the ball.

• And this time, it's landed on the roof.

• Now Leon's been banned from ladders ever since he wobbled one year while putting the Christmas Tree up.

• But Taka won't be back for another hour, and Kei's really seeming to be into this today.

• What other way will he get the ball down?

• 'Okay, sweet pea. Stay there alright? Daddy'll get the ball down.'

• He heads into the garage to grab the ladder that Mondo left behind when he was helping clear out the gutters a few months back.

• Looking back up to where the ball has landed, it's in the most awkward groove ever and won't be easy to reach.

• And now he's looking up, he realises how high a two-storey building is and his stomach turns.

• Maybe he should wait. Taka will be back soon and he's fine with heights and ladders and...

• 'Fank you, Daddy!'

• Ahhhh, he can't let his little girl down! And with a steely determination, he lines the ladder up and starts to climb.

• 'Just don't look down. Don't look down.'

• Slowly and steadily, he makes his way up the ladder and when he reaches the top, he needs to take a few deep, grounding breaths.

• Goddamn it, it's REALLY not going to be easy to get!

• Reaching out, he can't quite make it and so has to lean out quite procariously.

• His fingers brush against the ball, nearly there, nearly there...

• And then it pops out of the guttering and drops onto the ground.

• With a relieved sigh, Leon goes to move back to grab the ladder...

• But Leon Kuwata has terrible balance.

• Taka's at work, giving a presentation to an important group of people when his phone rings.

• Apologising profusely, he goes to look and see its the house phone.

• Odd. Leon normally calls on his mobile.

• Something compels him to answer the phone, beginning to scold his husband for interrupting him at work...

• 'P-papa?'

• Kei? Why is SHE calling? And why is she crying?

• 'What's the matter, darling? Where's Daddy?'

• 'D-daddy f-f-fell. He n-no wake u-up.'

• Oh my god oh my god oh my god WHAT'S HAPPENED?

• 'Tell me what happened, Kei.'

• 'I h-hit ball on r-r-roof and Daddy g-get. He f-f-fall down and...and h-hit his h-head. There's r-r-red paint e-e-everwhere and D-D-Daddy no w-wake u-up.'

• No no no no no what was Leon THINKING?! And now he's...he's...

• No. He can't panic. He needs to get home...

• No that'll be too late. Who knows how long Leon's been out for. He has to get to the hospital and...

• 'Kei, remember what Papa taught you? What you do if you ever get in trouble?'

• 'Y-y-yeah...'

• 'I need you to do that okay, darling? I need you to do exactly what I taught you and tell the nice man or lady what happened.'

• 'O-okay.'

• 'Good girl. Do it now, okay? Papa'll see you soon.'

• He gives no apologies as he flies out of the room, shouting at the receptionist to call Mondo and send him straight to the house.

• He isn't one for speeding but Taka definitely drives faster than normal, heading to the nearest hospital to wait for them to arrive.

• He's there twenty mintues before he sees the doctors wheeling Leon through, Mondo and Kei following behind.

• The wait during the surgery is agony - Taka having to distract himself by asking the nurses if he can borrow a shower to clean the blood out of his daughter's hair.

• Poor Kei is terrified, not saying a word as her Papa cleans her up and changes her clothes, holding onto him for dear life as they go back to the waiting room.

• And eventually, the surgeon comes out to explain there was a fracture in Leon's skull that resulted in a lot of swelling - but the surgery was a success and he'll be alright.

• Taka's allowed to go see him when he wakes up, asking Mondo to look after Kei for a little bit.

• And as he walks in to see his groggy husband blinking at him from one of the beds, head in a bandage, Taka finally loses it.

• 'YOU IDIOT! I TOLD you not to climb ladders! Why don't you ever LISTEN?! D'you know how frightened I was?! How frightened KEI was?! What the HELL were you thinking?!'

• Leon's too groggy to respond, face scrunched up as he tries to focus through the many drugs he's on for the pain.

• 'You could have DIED, Leon! You could have died RIGHT THERE! Right in front of our little girl! How could you be so STUPID?! How could you...how...how...'

• All at once Taka's rage ebbs away at the guilty look on his husband's face, replaced with sobs as he drops to his knees at the bedside.

• 'I could have lost you! You could have...oh God, Leon, I can't lose you! I can't...I can't...'

• Leon can't do too much, still very much out of it, but he can see how much his husband is hurting. And its all his fault.

• So with a grunt, he lifts a heavy arm to brush away the tears, cups Taka's face and says:

• 'Can't have hurt...as much as...when you...fell from...heaven.'

• The comment catches Taka completely on guard, the small strained smile on Leon's lips like a breath of fresh air.

• He can't help but laugh, relief making him dizzy as he clasps Leon's fingers in his own.

[fyeah-bangtan7]

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music”

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing? Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days. Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all. What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe. Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me. As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords. It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend. When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap. In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles. In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write. Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects. What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things. In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky. ‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different. I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?” Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited. In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished. Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs) That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come. The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

[vampire-named-gampire]

Carry On Countdown - Day 22

Wow, watch me use the @carryon-countdown to plug my skating fic lmao

I don’t know if this counts, since Angelina is an OC and actually, Baz would totally make friends with/practically adopt a 17yo Russian girl, so I don’t know how unlikely it is, but it’s here. And also, I just really want to share more of On thin ice content, but the fic itself isn’t ready to be published yet so have this instead. 

For context, Baz used to train in Russia aged 16-20, and now both him and Simon train in Montreal (no, idk why I chose Montreal out of all places but that’s how it is.) Also I think Gelya is the Russian diminutive/nickname used for the name Angelina, but I’m not sure. The fic is still in the works, so this scene is bound to change/expand (I did omit it a bit when writing because spoilers) but anyway, I’ll stop rambling now. 

Prompt: Unlikely friends Word count: 1950 Rating: This scene is G, although the whole fic will be T or M 

SIMON

The ride from the airport to the hotel is awful. Baz must’ve suspected this, because he made me sit in the front.

“Go on,” he said teasingly. “The only skater who has motion sickness.”

I have to say, sitting in the front almost didn’t make a difference. I may not know how to drive, but even I know you’re not supposed to drive like that. When the cab drops us off in front of the hotel, I don’t even bother hiding my relief. Baz laughs.

“I never want to experience this again,” I say, knowing full well that this is my life for the next week. The hotel might be close to the venue, but it’s still far enough for it to be a driving distance. I can only hope buses are less deadly than cabs.

“You know, Moscow traffic is actually tame compared to the rest of Russia,” Baz smirks, handing me my bags.

“Well then I never want to see the rest of Russia,” I mutter, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder and stepping through the automated hotel doors. Baz scoffs and follows me.

This hotel is fancy – much fancier than the hotels we usually stay at. Baz doesn’t seem phased by it at all, the posh bastard. I bet the hotels he stays at when he’s on vacation are at least twice as posh.

He does, however, seem phased when someone yells “Basil!” across the lobby. Before either of us can register what’s going on, a small figure in a red jacket runs towards us at full speed and crashes into Baz, making him emit a surprised oof sound.

The moment I realize the figure is actually Angelina Nuriyeva is the moment she starts speaking in fast Russian. I don’t understand a thing, but Baz seems to, because he laughs and hugs her back.

I knew Baz and Angelina were friends, but I didn’t think they were this close. I mean, they’re the exact polar opposites; Angelina is an actual sunshine (she’s always hugging and smiling at everyone) and Baz is… Baz. (He’s a big softie, I know that, but he goes through great efforts to appear cold and closed off.)

But here he is, ruffling Angelina’s hair and telling her something in Russian. (I’m suddenly met with the realisation that being in Moscow means I’ll get to hear a lot more of Baz’s Russian. I am very much not complaining at this prospect, even if I don’t understand a thing of what they’re saying.)

Angelina is nodding along and she pulls out her phone to show him something, but that’s when Baz stops her, suddenly speaking in English.

“Wait, I think in the interest of Snow, we should switch to English. He already looks lost enough as it is,” he says.

“No, no, I’m fine, by all means…” I start, but I’m soon cut off by Angelina.

“Yes, of course! I’m sorry, Simon! Come here, it’s so good to see you,” she says and hugs me. (This is what I mean when I say Angelina is a sunshine.)

“Good to see you too,” I nod.

“I was just about to show Basil how his houseplants are doing. Do you want to see too?” she asks.

“Houseplants?” I don’t bother hiding the surprise in my voice. Since when does Baz like houseplants? His flat in Montreal doesn’t have any, spare the tiny cactus on the windowsill.

“I had a lot of houseplants when I still lived here, but I couldn’t take them with me on the plane when I moved, so Gelya took them in her care,” he explains, as if he’s reading my mind.

“Georgy is doing amazing but Ilya went a bit floppy. I changed his earth so now I’m hoping he gets better,” Angelina says, showing Baz a picture of two houseplants, side by side, one of them (Ilya?) looking slightly wilted.

“When it goes floppy, we say it wilts, and we don’t say earth, we say soil,” Baz corrects her. If I was Angelina, I’d probably be annoyed right now, but she just smiles at him.

“Thank you. It’s so much harder to learn English now that there’s no one here to practice with me,” she sighs.

“You know you can call me any time and we can practice,” Baz offers.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I stop them both. There is so much new information I have to process. “You had houseplants? And you named them Russian names? And you taught her English?” (That would actually explain why Angelina’s English is so good.)

“Yes, Snow, are you keeping up?”

“And when he gave them up, he wrote me a whole notebook on how to take care of them,” Angelina chimes in. “And another notebook with English grammar.”

Maybe I do have trouble keeping up. Who is this Baz? (And why is he so attractive?)

“I never thought of you as a houseplant kind of bloke,” I shrug. “You don’t have any houseplants in Montreal.”

“I’m still mourning the loss of my old children.” Baz deadpans before turning back to Angelina. “Show me Alyosha. He was always my favourite.”

-

BAZ

Unsurprisingly, the jet-lag catches up with me right when it’s time to go to bed. I don’t know why I was naïve enough to believe I won’t need melatonin when dealing with an eight-hour time difference. I better take it now, before it’s too late.

I sigh and throw the covers back before picking up my phone to check the time. However, a text message notification from Snow grabs my attention before I can do that.

Is he nervous again? It would make sense, since this is a big competition for him. Would I be able to sneak into his room and sneak out the next morning unnoticed? I doubt that. There are only athletes staying on our floor, the coaches, press and competition staff are all on different floors, and I doubt the athletes would pay us much attention, but it’s still risky.

I’d much rather risk a few weird looks than have Simon spiral into panic two days before a major competition, though. I decide I’ll go to his room if that’s what he needs.

Maybe I should check why he’s even texting me before I devise any plans.

SS: do u have melatonine? SS: jet lag

I sigh in relief. He’s not having a mental breakdown. He’s just jet-lagged. (Which is a bit strange for Snow, but I suppose even his circadian rhythm can take a blow from time to time.)

BP: It’s spelled melatonin and yes, I have it. You can come get it if you still need it BP: Room 254

SS: yes ik where u r SS: I’ll b right over

I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for Snow to knock on my door. He’s staying a few corridors down, in room 273, so it takes him a few minutes. I jump up when I hear his knock.

He’s standing in front of my door, wearing joggers, a hoodie and those damned glasses of his again. His hair is messed up, like he’s been tossing and turning too.

“I thought you didn’t get jet-lagged,” I say, stepping aside to let him in. He settles on the edge my bed while I rummage my luggage for melatonin supplements.

“I don’t get sleep jet-lagged, but I do get food jet-lagged,” he says.

“What does that even mean, Snow?”

“It means it’s lunchtime in Canada right now and I’m so hungry I can’t sleep.”

I bite back a laugh. He’s an idiot. (An adorable one but an idiot nonetheless.) “You don’t need melatonin, Snow, you need this,” I say, throwing a granola bar at him. He startles, but manages to catch it.

“You’re just giving this to me?” he asks, audibly surprised. (Which is ridiculous. He gives me food all the time and here he is, questioning my generosity over a fucking granola bar.)

“No, Snow, pay up. Fifty rubbles.”

“I don’t have any Russian money,” he laughs, tearing the wrapping open. He’s going to get crumbs all over my bed, but I don’t shoo him away. Instead, I finally find the melatonin supplements and take one with some water. “Do you still want one?” I ask.

“Do you have any more granola bars?”

I laugh and pass him another one before sitting down next to him on the bed.

“Are you nervous?” I ask, just to make sure he’s really okay.

“Right now? I’m just hungry,” he says, tearing open the second granola bar.

“Right,” I nod.

“Baz. Are you doing that thing where you’re worrying about me again?”

“A bit,” I admit.

“Stop,” he says like I can just turn it off like a tap. (I wish I could.) We sit in silence for a while, me thinking about how much easier my life would be if I just stopped worrying about Simon Snow and him chewing through his granola bar. “I didn’t know you and Angelina were such good friends,” he finally says.

“We trained together for four years,” I shrug, but it’s not just that. The training environment in Russia was intense. It’s a bloodbath to even get on the national team there, so of course it’s intense, but I think every other skater the rink was looking at me sideways because I was an outlier. I wasn’t Russian, I didn’t speak Russian and I think they felt like I didn’t belong there. (I know now that I really didn’t.) They eventually accepted me and by the time I left Russia, even the ones who refused to speak during my first year there were sad to see me go.

But Gelya was nice to me from the start. She was only thirteen at the time and didn’t speak any English, but she clapped for me when I did something well and cheered me on when I was having a bad day. (Thanks to her, davai was one of the first Russian words I learned.) She brought me homemade pyraniki on special occasions and when I got injured and had to go back to England to have surgery, she sent me get well soon cards all the way from Russia and she made the entire rink sign them.

That’s just who she is. She’s this nice to everyone and it didn’t matter to her if I was Russian or English, I was just another person at her rink who she could bring biscuits to. Over the four years that I’ve lived there, she became like a little sister to me.

“Baz?” Snow’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. “You seem tired. I’m going to go.”

I have half a mind not to ask him to stay here. (We both know we can’t do that.) “Okay,” I say instead. He stands up and throws the granola wrappers in the bin. I stand up too, to walk him to the door (I have manners), but he waves at me to sit back down.

“It’s fine,” he says.

“Will you be able to sleep?”

“If my hunger doesn’t get to me again, yes,” he laughs. He’s already by the door.

“Wait.” I stand up and grab the last granola bar from my bag, offering it to him. “Just in case,” I explain. I want him to stay here, to make sure he sleeps well and doesn’t spend the night worrying about the competition, but I can’t do that, so this is the least I can do.

“Thanks,” he smiles, tucking it in his pocket. Then he hugs me briefly and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

And he’s out the door.

[takingcourage]

Miscalculations: A Witness AU

Chapter Six

Catch up here: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five

Pairing: M!Cassian x MC

Word Count: 3,600

Series Summary: After years apart, fate brings Kellen and Cassian together a third time. Can they learn from the mistakes of the past, or are they destined to repeat them once more?

Note: This update is a day later than I hoped, and I apologize. Chapter Seven should be ready to go this Sunday!

Even as he’d left Kellen’s apartment, Cassian had tried to steel himself for days or even weeks of silence. He didn’t know how long it would take before she volunteered to let him back in, and he couldn’t be the one to make the first move. 

He’d been so certain that things were going well. She’d seemed happy, and her usually controlled persona had slipped away to reveal an openness he’d rarely seen before. When they’d kissed, he’d taken it as proof that they’d found their footing, not just as parents who could come together to care for their child, but as people who could reunite and begin building onto they had once had. 

Unfortunately, her words had shattered his theory completely. I don’t know if this is a good idea... I need more time... He could hear her voice on a loop, the faint protestations cutting against the hopes he’d had for their future. 

Stepping out of his nightly shower, he caught a glimpse of the purple blotch at his shoulder and leaned toward the mirror for a closer look. Mottled and unsightly, he could see why it had been too much for Kellen to take in.

Pursing lips that were still swollen from her kisses, he tested the skin with his fingertips. It was largely because of that scar that he’d returned to Boston in the first place. 

During the initial weeks of his recovery, long before surgeries and physical therapy had restored most of what he’d lost, he’d been forced to reconcile himself to the fact that his ability to perform his job might be in jeopardy. But even as that disappointment weighed him down, another worry haunted him all the more: his job wasn’t enough. His career with the Marshal Service was fulfilling, but he needed something else in his life beside work. 

He’d expected Boston to give him some of the predictability he lacked, yet his life had never felt so uncertain. 

Turning away from the mirror, he embraced the bitter truth: his desire to have Kellen in his life again had supplanted his better judgment. He was just as enamored as he’d been three years ago -- even more, if he was honest. And yet, he had nothing more to show for the attachment, and infinitely more to lose. 

To him, the day had been a preview of everything he wanted his future to be -- if only he had the assurance that it had meant the same for Kellen as well. She’d told him she needed time, but the growing pit in his stomach suggested it couldn’t be that simple. Surely it was obvious to her by now whether their lives were better for having him in them. 

He tried to work through the sudden tightness in this throat. What if they are better off without me?

After all, Kellen had proven that she could raise their son on her own. Owen was well adjusted and seemed content enough to continue living on in the same way. Much as it pained Cassian to admit, the boy was probably young enough to forget him entirely in a matter of weeks. If he disappeared now, their lives could return to normal. 

But even as his thoughts ran rampant, every fiber of his being repelled the notion. He couldn’t leave them. The three of them had made so much progress before tonight’s misstep, and he sincerely believed that further growth was possible.  

If only he knew how they could find their way again. 

____

For the rest of the week, he threw himself into his job, taking extra shifts and duties to ensure that he had as few free hours as possible. The physical exhaustion helped him sleep at night, in spite of the way his mind raced over possibilities. 

Even as he worked, Kellen and Owen were never far from his thoughts. He found himself wondering what steps he could take, if any, to make things right. 

When Saturday came and he still hadn’t heard from her, Cassian typed out a brief message: 

I hope the two of you are doing well. 

In the half hour he spent waiting for a response, he dared to hope that she’d include an invitation to join them at the park the next day. The forecast wasn’t promising, but perhaps she’d stick to the routine anyway. 

When her answer eventually appeared, it was painfully brief. 

We are, thanks. 

He couldn’t bring himself to send another message, for fear that he’d only make things worse. The balance they needed seemed too delicate for him to uphold. He had to prove that he wasn’t going to leave again, but he couldn't threaten her boundaries or need for control. If he did anything to manipulate Owen’s feelings or her own, she might push him out of their lives permanently.

Toward the end of the second week, his apprehension turned to worry. He knew that they were fine. He could discern as much from Kellen’s single-word responses to his texts, though they told him little else. 

He hadn’t sent many: only enough to remind her that he was still there and was thinking of them. He didn’t want to annoy Kellen or lead her to the wrong conclusion, but he couldn’t stand the thought that she might think he’d moved on.

As his lunch break approached on Friday, he glanced over their most recent exchange for what must have been the hundredth time.  

I’m sorry for upsetting you the other night. Please call me if you want to talk about anything. 

okay

Smoothing the glass with his thumb, he gave a heavy sigh. He hated the thought of going another weekend without seeing them. One missed Sunday had been enough to throw him off-kilter for the rest of the week. He didn’t relish the thought of extending their streak any further. 

Deep down, he knew they were never going to get anywhere unless Kellen talked with him. But it was possible that he might reach her by proxy, and he was just desperate enough to try. Before he could think better of it, Cassian tapped out a message to Harika and slipped into the break room for lunch.

Would you be willing to give me some advice? 

Her response arrived in under a minute. Probably. 

He put his leftovers in the microwave and took a seat at the small laminate table. While the food heated, he continued the impromptu conversation. Thanks. Kellen’s hardly responded to my messages this week. Is she okay?’

She’s at work today, if that’s what you mean. She’s been distracted though. 

He was typing the followup when another message came: 

Don’t tell her I said that. 

Returning to the beginning of his text, he made a quick addition: I won’t. Here’s my question. Do you think I should back off for a while? I don’t want to make her life miserable. I can give her some space if that’s what’s best for them. 

NO. Absolutely not.  

Even if that’s what she wants? The microwave dinged, and Cassian retrieved the dish. Sitting alone at the empty table, it struck him how much easier this would be if Kellen could just tell him what she wanted. The constant guesswork was taking its toll on him. 

His phone screen lit with Harika’s reply: It’s not. Not to be cringey, but she needs you. 

Ignoring his food, he responded: If that’s true, I don’t think she’s aware of it. 

It is. She was a mess when you left. I’ve never seen her like that with anyone before. 

He laid down the phone, staring through the steam that rose from his rapidly cooling lunch. On the surface, it seemed like the news should play in his favor, but the Kellen of three years ago and the Kellen of today were significantly different people. Even if she’d missed him dearly all those years ago, it didn’t mean she missed him now. 

It came as something of a surprise when the screen lit again, cutting him out of his musings. 

If she doesn’t come to her senses soon, I’ll lock the two of you in a closet or something. 

He scurried to pick up the phone. Please don’t do that. She really might kill me then. 

Or she’d jump you. ; )

With a groan, he pushed the phone away. The last thing he needed right now was a reminder of what he was missing when it came to Kellen’s touch. Those kisses many nights before had been enough to wake the desire that he’d been struggling to keep at bay since seeing her again. That woman still had the ability to drive him absolutely wild. 

…Thanks for the advice, he settled on, then flipped the phone over. 

Returning to his lukewarm lasagna, Cassian cut a large bite with his fork. It hadn’t even been a fortnight since he’d seen them, but it felt like an eternity. Until this stretch, he hadn’t realized how much he looked forward to their park visits throughout the week. Missing one and not knowing when he’d see them again was starting to wear him down.

He ate quickly, eager to return to whatever distraction work could offer. When he moved to slip his phone into his pocket, he was surprised by the sudden vibration. 

“What now, Harika?” he muttered under his breath before seeing the sender’s name: Kellen. 

Eyes widening, he unlocked the screen and devoured her message: 

Owen’s been asking about you. Any chance you’d be free to come over sometime? The forecast looks awful for going to the park this week.

Hardly daring to breathe, he typed his answer with haste. I’m off at 5:00 tonight. I could bring dinner over after that if you want. 

I’ll take care of dinner, but that sounds great. He’ll be ecstatic. 

Will you? He wanted to ask, but he was afraid of learning the answer. Instead he wrote, I’ll be there by 6:00. 

Great! See you then. 

_____

Arriving at her apartment several hours later, Cassian quickly rapped his knuckle against the door. He waited for a response, puzzled when he was met with several seconds of silence. “I’m on my way!” he heard finally, just making out Kellens voice as it carried through the thick wood. 

Cassian released a breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding. 

“Come on in,” Kellen beckoned, rushing off as soon as she’d unlatched the door. He followed her curious movements before Owen’s shrill greeting from the other room caught his attention. 

“Mister Keane!”

“He can’t leave the carpet,” Kellen explained. “I dropped a glass and it got everywhere.”

“Are you hurt?” he asked, hurrying inside to ascertain that all was well. Though shards of glass covered the tile floor, he saw no blood or other cause for worry. 

“No, but can you take him to his room while I get this cleaned up? If he steps on anything...”

“Of course.” Cassian nodded in understanding and proceeded immediately toward the living room. Owen was tiptoeing the small wooden divider, impatient to see his visitor.

Crossing over to him, Cassian held his hand out for a high five, but the toddler hugged his legs instead. Cradling the small face, he brushed a thumb against the boy’s temple. “What is it, a stór? Have you been good for your Ma?”

“Uh-huh!” He assured, releasing his strong hold to show Cassian a broad grin. 

“I’m glad to hear it.” 

Cassian didn’t even have a chance to unbutton his coat before he felt the toddler’s insistent hand at his knee. “Come!” 

The man obliged, allowing the child to lead him through the apartment and to his bedroom.

“Trains,” he explained, pointing to the extensive track circumnavigating the floor. 

Cassian found an empty space on the carpet and sat with a grin. “You have an awful lot of them, don’t you? Can you show me how they work?”

“Uh-huh!” he chirped for the second time in as many minutes. 

His smile widened at the child’s innocent enthusiasm. He watched the imperfect attempts to couple the engines to the railcars, intrigued by his trial and error as he tested the ends of the magnets until they stuck. 

Once the train was in one piece, Owen placed a yellow engine in Cassian’s lap and slid a pair of similarly colored cars in his direction. 

“You really don’t like yellow, do ya?”

“Huh-uh.” His own blue and red creation was assembled and ready to leave the turntable. “Choo choo!”

He chuckled at the boy’s accompanying hand motions. Hooking his own pieces together, Cassian set them on the track to join in the play. He’d only moved them a couple of inches before Owen began chasing the yellow train with his own, cackling as he picked up speed. 

Cassian’s own laughter soon joined, prompted more from his relief than from the hilarity of the situation. Reunited with his son at last, the frustration of the past several days faded to mere memory. 

“Choo choo!” Owen cried again, his train butting up against the final car of Cassian’s. 

“I’d better keep it going, hadn’t I?” he asked, rolling the toy around a precariously sharp turn. 

Owen angled his face toward Cassian, nose wrinkled and eyes scrunched almost shut with his emphatic grin. 

“I’ve missed ya,” he breathed, blinking against the tears that sprang to his eyes. I hope I never go so long without seeing you again, he reflected, wondering if there was anything he could do to dissuade Kellen from such absences in future. 

His heart clenched at the reminder of how things stood between the two of them. 

He wanted to be part of Owen’s life, no matter what that meant for him and Kellen. Even if he could only have the bits and pieces she was comfortable with, he wouldn’t sacrifice these moments for the world. 

Their playdate came to an end sooner than he would have liked when Kellen called them to dinner. 

“Dinner’s ready,” she announced, leaning against Owen’s doorjamb. “I hope you still like Spaghetti Bolognese.” If he wasn’t mistaken, there was an almost nervous hesitance in the way she framed the last statement. 

“I do,” he rushed to answer as they followed her into the dining room. “And I haven’t had it in ages, so it sounds perfect.” 

Kellen let out a quiet breath and set the bag of takeout on the table. “It’s nothing.”

As he strapped Owen into his booster seat, Cassian found himself hoping that it wasn’t really nothing. Was remembering one of his favorite dishes a sign of her impeccable memory, or was it something more? 

For the rest of the evening, he endeavored to keep a tighter rein on his thoughts. 

Though his composure held through dinner, it wavered during Owen’s bedtime reading. Voice trembling, Cassian’s ability to concentrate on the words was overpowered by an increasingly familiar longing for time to stand still. Kellen offered a smile, and the gesture was almost enough to make his voice crack again. 

This was everything he wanted, so close that it was almost within his grasp. He wanted a future of nights like this, even if they were sprinkled through the ones he spent alone. 

After he finished, Kellen took the lead in tucking the boy in. Turning the light out behind them, she laid a hand on Cassian’s arm. Intrigued, he sought her face when they stepped into the light of the hallway. 

“Sit with me?” she asked, motioning toward the couch. 

He followed with some confusion, his brow creasing at the serious look on her face. Even after they sat, it was some time before she relieved his curiosity. “He’s been a mess the past several days,” she uttered, breaking the silence. 

“So have I, if I’m honest.” 

Kellen’s mouth tugged sympathetically. “I shouldn’t have waited so long.” 

Though he hoped her regret signaled a change of heart, Cassian didn’t have the faintest idea how to respond. He didn’t want to condemn a decision she’d made with her best judgment, but he didn’t want to let the opportunity pass either. He was still trying to find the right words when she went on. 

“He talks about you constantly. He’s asked to see you every single day.” 

“I know that isn’t what you wanted,” he began, hesitating over what he’d intended to be an apology. But he couldn’t bring himself to say that he was sorry for the circumstance. 

She looked conflicted, eyes downcast as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I think it actually might be a good thing.” 

His eyes narrowed at the bizarre sentiment. “Why?”

“Because I realized he’s not the only one who thinks about you all the time...” Her blue eyes met his, shimmering with the gleam of unshed tears. “And that helped to clarify some things for me. Do you think we could we talk? Not tonight -- it’s been a long week, and I need sleep more than anything else -- but soon?” 

He took a cautious breath, afraid that reminding her of his presence would break the spell that seemed to have come over her. “Is something the matter?”

“No,” She paused before carrying on, a resolved expression stealing over her face. “Nothing at all. I'm just ready to say some things that I should have said a long time ago.” 

Still somewhat tentative, he took her hand. The way she clung to his fingers did him a world of good. “I’d be glad to talk anytime. I have the weekend free.”

“Maybe we could meet somewhere else? It’s probably best not to have Owen underfoot. ”

“Whatever you think is best. I hate to make you find a babysitter--”

Her hoarse laugh cut off the rest of his sentence. “That won’t be any trouble at all. Harika’s been volunteering for weeks.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. Last time I talked to her, she threatened to lock us in a closet until we get things sorted out,” Cassian shared, thumb still running along the smooth surface of her knuckles. 

Kellen snickered at the notion, but when she met his gaze, her features had settled into something vulnerable and open. He could count on one hand the number of times she’d been willing to reveal her true self to him like this, and he could only hope that this wasn’t the last time he saw it. 

“I swear she thinks we’re back in college sometimes. I’ll have to double check with her about the time, but maybe we could meet tomorrow? I don’t want to put this off.” 

“Neither do I. You’re welcome at my place if you’d like. It’s not much, but we wouldn’t be disturbed. I’ve got a well-stocked pantry if you end up staying for a while.”

“I think I’d like that,” she agreed, her eyes still trained on him. 

The fine hairs on his neck rose. “I think I would too.” It was still somewhat unnerving to see this side of her -- this honesty about her feelings and desires -- but he couldn’t deny it was a welcome change. “Come by anytime.”

“Thanks -- for everything.” Still holding firmly to his hand, she shifted nearer on the couch. He'd just lifted an arm to wrap around her shoulder when her phone buzzed from the dining table. “I’ll be right back,” she promised.

At her quiet curse some moments later, Cassian rose to his feet to see if he could do anything to help. She was still staring down at the screen, scrolling through what appeared to be a chain of emails. 

“It’s something for work. I’m so sorry.”

“Do you need to go back to the office? I can stay here with Owen if you’d like.” 

“No, I can take care of it from home. But I’m not going to be very good company for the next few hours.”

“I understand. Don’t run yourself too ragged. You need some sleep too,” he reminded, stretching out a finger to trace her cheek. She caught his hand with her own and squeezed it tightly. 

“I’ll try. Otherwise, I might need to nap on your couch tomorrow.” 

He tried not to envision a drowsy Kellen showing up on his doorstep, though their time in Nantucket had left him with a wide selection of memories to choose from. So many of their days had started and ended with her ragged yawning and sleep-addled attempts to flirt. “I wouldn’t complain if you did.” 

Kellen arched a brow, but said no more. 

Pulling back his hand, he allowed it to fall to his side. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kellen,” he promised, making for the door. 

“Cassian?”

He paused, pivoting toward her in anticipation of whatever parting thought she wished to impart. 

“Before you go, I’m sorry for giving you so many mixed signals -- especially the last time you were here. Can you forgive me?”

Such concessions were hardly like her. If her tone hadn’t been so somber, he might have made a quip about the unexpected nature of her apology. Instead, he simply said, “Of course,” and stepped forward to envelop her in a hug. “Thanks again for tonight; I missed the two of you more than I can say.”

"I hope you won’t have to miss us quite so much anymore,” she told him quietly as she stepped out of his embrace.

Heart thundering wildly beneath his ribcage, Cassian managed another smile. For the first time since meeting Kellen again, he knew the two of them were in full agreement. “I do too. Goodbye, Kellen.” 

“Bye, Cassian.” 

Still somewhat dazed, he left her and began his long journey across the city. 

[summersnowy]

A GIRL IN ME - Intro

My mum and dad got divorced when I was at a very young age around 7-8y.o. My mum re married and I was left with my dad who was I'm the military force. He was always deployed in the operation and not at home most of the time. Taking care of me was my aunt who was in her mid 30s.

I remember during my school days I was a wimpy boy who was quiet and timid.

Slender and fair and doesn't have many friends around me most of the time I was hanging around with the girls and most of the boys jeered and make fun of me because of that.. maybe they are jealous of me having good friendship with the girls...

And truly I'm well mannered doesnt talk loudly and using vulgarity or rough words so I was deem to be a sissy confront of the boys

The schooling days was a tough one for me having loneliness at home and not having someone I can trust to talk to...although i have mainly the girls friend but i know I'm not really a part of their conversation they cant share the girls things that they are gg thru...hence I cant never be a trusted friend. That's how I think...I begin wanting to be like them...have long hair that can be tied up wearing skirts, neat and tidy appearances..In fact when I'm around 6-7 y.o i start to think why I'm different from a girl and that's when I discover the difference between a girl and boy.

Questioning myself why am I not a girl why I was born a boy? I started to get curious and wanted to try wear a dress. But I was too young and who I can look forward to is my aunt..she is in her mid 30s and an attractive woman as I can see she have alot of Male friends some I often see them around with her. I would sneak into her closet and see all her clothes and lingerie. Observe her appearance and makeup, the clothes she worn...h&M, forever21, Zara all the clothes she had are so pretty and I wish I can wear them and look as pretty and attractive...So at a tender age of 8-9 I begin to explore women clothes and makeup but I only started to wear my aunt clothes when I'm around 12-13 y.o.. I dont know how I know most of the girly things but I just understand how to make up and wear bra and panties and have my Male part tucked... maybe it's thru the observation and my group of girls friend... my aunt is slim and slender so the clothes she have are mostly XS or S which i can sometime fit some are a little oversized for me but still I think I look pretty in it...😍

This lasted for a few months and which time I became bolder from just the lingerie to dress, blouse , skirt, stocking, makeup etc and my aunt ain't dumb she know someone is touching her things but kept quiet. But for me I'm clumsy and dumb I might have mess up the thing she placed in order...she know I did it every afternoon when I'm back from school and at late night during weekends when she goes out partying or holiday trips..

During this time of dressing up, I felt more and more wanting to become a girl. It a strange feeling, inside of me there seem to be girl trying to come out but the outside of me is trying to moderate the out burst knowing this is a perverted thoughts there are little knowledge of what this is all about....the only thing that I know is its abnormal...I try to read and research about it it's the age of the internet at that time but still there are limited information back then. But I learned from chatting platform talk to sister with similar issue and who are just like me I'm definitely not alone...all this topic on cross dressing, transgender m2f, ladyboy, hormone replacement therapy, Srs (sex reassignment surgery), sexuality etc

Now that I knew I'm not the odd one out I felt better. I know it's a mental disorder but I also knew that I'm an Asian and this is not acceptable in the society I'm in..all this thoughts I have need to be kept secret..its a struggle like fighting against my own self...the only time I can let out the women in me is the private time i have to dress up as a girl looking in to the mirror seeing the beautiful face in the mirror...i know it's a not right to wear my aunt's clothes but I'm still a student financially i can afford. I begin saving up but it too little to get what I wanted...

I mentioned that my aunt knew but kept mum about it. I also try my best not to dirty any of her clothes, panties but I cant help the pre cum that leaks when I see it I will clean and dry it I guess sometime I'm too muddled head...so there was this day which I thought my aunt was at work and will usually return in the late evening...after shower and drying up I step into her room and took out a set of black panties and bra..slip into the bra hooking the back of the strap skillfully as though I wear it daily and tucked my little boy peck into the panties which fits almost like it was mine.. I look into the full length mirror adjust my bra abit and pull my panties tighter so it will hold my manhood in position.. I hate my boy hair style...I took out the wig which I bought after month of saving from my drawer which I hidden it in layer of clothes like a pirate hiding his treasure chest..putting on the mid length wig and look into the mirror again...smiling at myself I look almost like any of the girls in my school. Everytime that happen I will ask myself why am I not born a real girl why is it so unfair why I need to hid and do this like a thief...telling myself I want to be a girl badly God if you hear this please turn me into a princess..of course that was how naive I was back then..I have so short time to enjoy this i need to hurry...opening up the compact powder foundation I begin applying on my face lightly and colouring my lip with a glossy mellow red lipstick...that's all I can afford but enough to brighten up my face a little to look pretty..next I slide open the closet where my aunt latest collection of clothes and took out a floral red skater dress. Slipping up the dress and zipping up the back of the dress before turning to the full length mirror..that imagine of me is what I wanted not to remember but to be let this without capturing it into by memory..At this moment I hear the footstep and clinging sound of keys..before I can react the room door open and my aunt saw me in full dress..my heart almost stopped.....Not surprise by what she saw but a little shock that someone is in her room my aunt look at me and stare for a while..my throat was choke with words feeling a gush of blood rising to my head. Shawn? Is that you?

All I did was nod and look down to the floor. Are you the one who touch my clothes and makeup? I was a little surprise to hear that but remain silent..hey Shawn you better own up else I'm going to ask you father here to see his son turn daughter. You know your father shawn you know what he will do. Aunt please dont please dont tell my dad I am sorry to touch your stuff please dont tell my dad i will do anything but please dont tell my dad about this. Then you have to tell my the truth why are you doing this. My heads was running around searching for an answer.

Should I tell my aunt my true feeling or should I just tell her a lies and promise not to do this ever again....

"Shawn look at me, Do you have anything to say about this? " she said in a calm tone. I suspect and knew you have been touch my things for several months. I didn't sound out because I thought you are only curious and will stop in a while but it obviously didn't. And I realised my birth control pills are missing a whole lot every month and that's the point I thought I need to talk to you. Are you trying to turn into a girl? Do u know what will happen if u take these pill over time? I remain silent and tears wells up in my eyes. Her tone change alittle as I didn't speak up. She Pick up her phone by her tote bag, I am going to call your dad now. Aunt! Please dont and kneel down . I'm really sorry . Dont tell me sorry I want to hear why are you doing all this. Aunt I want to be a girl and I hate being a boy..I dont look like a boy anyway but I feel happy when I'm dress up as a girl. I took the pills because I know it is female hormones and I wanted it so badly. Hearing this my aunt move towards me and held me up and lead me to the side of her bed and sat me down. Ok Shawn but birth control pill are not the right medication for this. Also your dad will probably kill you when he see you like this. But Aunt I couldn't help it I just wanted to feel happy. I am always bullied and isolated in school. My peer call me a fag, ah gua, gay all this nasty words I didn't took it to heart but it still hurt me when I'm feeling lonely and what makes me happy every day is to know that I have a private time be look like what I think I should be like..

At this point my tears was pouring and my makeup smudged my aunt place her arms around my shoulder and give me a hug. Shawn if you wanted to live like this then you have to do it the right way and all the way. You need to think about the things that will happen in the future if you take this path and dont regret it. You know it's better being a guy. Being the stronger sex you have a lots of benefit and privileges. Being female you will be the weaker sex over Male. Shawn I think you are old and mature enough to think for yourself. Aunt will be supportive in whatever decision u make but taking this path your dad will be someone you will be having tough time with. I nodded and remove the female clothes and makeup change into my boy clothes and return to my room. I lied on my bed and have a long thought.......

Scene 1

During that time, I had a online friend whom i known for a while from the picture posted on his social media he looks mature and was probably in his 40s. I have been chatting with him for quite a while exchanging picture of myself dress and he return some picture of him. I was feeling down that day my mind is floating as all this thoughts flooded my mind and I just want to stop thinking about it...after listening to my issues, he ask me to come out to have a chat. I dont really like to meet people who knows that I'm a CD but he was really a nice man from the conversation we had and he told me that he really wish to see me as a girl. I finally agree as he make me feel like I am a girl patience, loving and nice..

To be continued................

[ncityofangels]

NCT 127 + U Reaction : You Being Under Anesthesia and They Tell You Things They’ve Never Told You Before

a/n: this was requested and took really long but it was so fun to write because I’ve never written a reaction before so yay! Anyway....I included 127, U, and Kun in this reaction so have fun. Hope you guys like it :D

Genre : Flufffffff x10

below the cut because I’m nice like that ;)

Taeil

I could definitely see him being one of the more emotional ones whenever you go to get your wisdom teeth out

He’s definitely big worried about you

I don’t think he would really express it to you though

HOWEVER

Don’t think that he won’t be taking funny pictures of you during your procedure to blackmail you with later

Once you were completely under though he’d turn into a big softie

Would wait in the waiting room all night just to make sure you’re okay

Constantly talking to the doctors to make sure everything was going according to plan

“How did I get so lucky?”

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N”

Johnny

Today was the day you got the procedure done to donate your kidney

He comes to the hospital with you (of courseee)

Brings hella snacks for both of you

but like

Not healthy snacks. Probably a lot of chocolate.

Watches YouTube videos with you on his phone while you wait

Once you get called he gets a little nervous

The entire time the procedure is being done he’s like pacing in the waiting room

Doing that knee bounce thingy people do when they’re anxious

After the procedure is done and you’re in your room, the biggest smile erupts on his face

“I totally knew you’d be okay babe”

“You’re the strongest person I know”

Taeyong

first off

big baby 1/4

He was already hella concerned when you broke your leg but when he found out you’d have to get operated on

This boyyyyy was freakin out

I definitely see him being one of the most anxious ones

Highkey tries to teach you a choreo he thought of while you’re in the waiting room to calm his nerves

“Oh right, your leg is broken. Sorry babe. Let’s find something else to do then”

Doesn’t want to be separated from you when they take you back

After the operation they tell him he can go back to your room and he could not get their faster

Definitely has a whole conversation with you while you’re still under

“Hurry up and get back to me”

“I love you too much”

Yuta

Why do I picture him being so chill the whole time

Like not in the way that he doesn’t care 

but

He trusts you’re in good hands with the doctors

You’re definitely more nervous than he is

“Babe, you’re just getting your wisdom teeth out, it’ll be okay.”

Plays a game on his phone while your waiting

Or reads one of those magazines they always leave out for patients

Buys flowers after they take you back

I feel like without a doubt he spent at LEAST 15 minutes in the hospital gift shop picking out what kind of flowers to get you

Probably asks the people working there for advice too

The procedure didn’t take too long so he was able to see you pretty soon, even though you were still under

“See babe I told you everything was going to go good”

“You’re so beautiful when you sleep”

Kun

Very similar to Johnny imo

Plays with your hair while you’re in the waiting room

“You don’t need your tonsils anyway”

This makes me soft

Tells you fuckin dad jokes to calm you down like the nerd he is

ALSO

FLOWERSS 

this boy will go all out because he really loves your ass

Expect your room to smell good af after you get up

Why do I feel like he’d order take out for you before you wake up so it’s ready for you when you come to

ik thats like kInDa weird but I just feel that in my soul so

ANYWAY

Lowkey wants to cuddle you the whole time you’re under

“I’ll never leave your side”

“You’re so adorable like this”

Doyoung

Alright this is my bias y’all sooo

I definitely feel like he’s kind of similar to Yuta

a LOT more chill than some of the other members

“I’ll see you in a bit”

“What do you want to eat after this?”

Lots of hugs before you go back

Roams the gift shop while he waits

Probably gets you some small little thing that made him think of you

“She’ll like this”

Sings to you in your room while you’re still asleep

WOW im in love with this boy

Checks in with the doctor to make sure things are going well

Doesn’t leave your side once they move you into your room

Not in the way that he is worried, he just likes being close to you

Treats you to dinner after you’re released

“I never knew I could care about someone so much”

“Take your time babe, I have all day”

Ten

veryyyyy touchy

big baby 2/4

not really worried at all though

Will be all over you before you go back

Just very affectionate in general, regardless of the situation

When you told him you had to get your appendix taken out he was like “okay, lets go get that fixed”

brings snacks like Johnny

When it’s time for you to go back he holds your hand and tells you everything is gonna be okay

Brings you food

Updates the members on your condition (idk that’s just something I think he’d do)

Probably ends up falling asleep in the waiting room tbh

“Are you really under anesthesia or are you just messing with me?”

“I’ll always take care of you”

Jaehyun

wow we love ANOTHER bias

Okay so

Brings his airpods and a speaker so yall can listen to music together while you wait

this is so cute i’m literally crying

why do I see him packing a lunch for the both of you

Does the MOST

“Hurry, you have to eat this before they take your wisdom teeth out”

Big softie

A tiny bit concerned, but knows you’ll be fine

Can’t wait for the cuddles that he’ll give you after your release

repeat after me… TAKES. CARE. OF. YOU.

Most likely ends up feeding you at home too because you’re a mess and can’t do anything for yourself

Once they let him back to see you though he just melts

So proud of you tbh (even though you literally didn’t do anything”

“That’s my baby”

“I can’t wait to marry you”

Winwin

big baby 3/4

Would quite literally do anything for you

Lots of backhugs and reassurance

Jokes around with you to calm you down

definitely shows you memes from the NCT group chat to cheer you up

“I’ll be right here the whole time, don’t worry”

Speaks Mandarin for you because you find it relaxing

lil cuddles in the waiting room

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH

Y’all have the softest relationship

Expect this boy to literally never leave your side during recovery

Won’t let you do anything but rest because his baby has to be in top condition

As soon as he sees you after the operation he gets a little emotional

Most likely just has a regular convo with you while you’re under

“What do you think about this outfit, Y/N?”

“Yeah, I don’t really like it that much either”

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met”

“I can’t wait to grow old with you”

Jungwoo

big baby 4/4

a lot like Taeyong tbh

aegyo to make you feel better

For some reason I don’t see him worrying too much though

Like he loves you soooo much and you will never question that but he’s just chillin once you go back

Misses your presence once he’s alone in the waiting room

“How long does it take to take an appendix out?”

Probably is wayyy too into a game on his phone when the doctor comes to tell him that he can go back

“Aw baby, you look so cuteee”

“I just want to hug you until you’re better” 

Lucas

honestly

big meme boi

Roasts the shit out of you for having to have your wisdom teeth out

You try and explain to him that it’s literally a common thing but nope

he still make fun

“Don’t worry, even though your body is failing our relationship isn’t”

Asks the doctors soooo many times how much longer it is going to take

Just because he can’t wait to show you some meme he found or tell you some joke he made

Don’t mistake his teasing though because this boy will wait all day in that hospital for you

Goes to get food while he waits

Forgets to get you something and gets mad at himself for being so wreckless

Flowerssss 3.0

idk I just love the idea of Lucas getting you flowers leave me alone

not like this big bouquet tho, very simple. Like maybe a couple roses

Playfully sings to you while he waits for you to wake up

“My ladyYyYyY”

sorry y’all i had to

“I love you so much it hurts”

“I can’t focus when you’re around”

Mark

Jaehyun 2.0 tbh

makes you listen to this new song he found on SoundCloud (yikess we love him tho)

probably raps to it because we been knew he’s a dork

sings to you if you want him to

big cuddler tbh

worries when they take you back

just doesn’t want to be away from you in general

Likes his space but also whiny when he’s in the mood for some time with you

wow i’m really whipped for him, let’s continue

I don’t really see him buying flowers for you but I think he’d roam the gift shop for a trinket you would like

Runs home to get one of your stuffed animals or something to remind you of home and make you feel comfortable

When they let him see you he gets super excited

“Hey baby, long time no see”

“I’m so in love with you”

Haechan

This mans gonna tease you the wholeeee time

Kinda like Lucas but more like a loving tease

Pinches your cheeks a LOT

“My baby is getting surgery todayy”

Your procedure is like a whole event tbh

Gotta pack a lunch

Some snacks for AFTER lunch

lots of drinks

pillows maybe a blanket

Very extra in general

Also very worried when they take you back

Texts the members about how worried he is

“I just love her so much, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her”

Is super relieved when he gets to see you again

“Hello my angel”

“I think i’m falling in love with you”

[benjaminjofaiho]

The Captain Next Door Ch.5

Summary: You’re a doctor who also just so happens to be a fan fiction writer. You love lots of fandoms but Captain America is by far your fave, so what happens when you get a new job, move to Brooklyn and realize that the brownstone you bought is right next door to Captain America? Obviously shenanigans ensue.

Warnings: Swearing.

It’s worth noting that I do not care for or abide by the timeline, there are some people mentioned that haven’t technically been brought together yet [ As per Winter Soldier ] but I did it anyway.  P.S. I do not currently have a beta and the ‘f’ and ‘u’ keys on my keyboard are messed up so incase you see repeating letters anywhere they aren’t supposed to be feel free to let me know.

AN: I had so much fun writing this chapter. Please reblog and share. Your feedback is always welcome and I love hearing from y’all.

You looked at his back muscles and not to mention nice ass as he walked up the steps to your house. Yeah. This was definitely going into a fic. The world needs to know about this physique. He turned back to you and asked you if you were ready with that milliwatt smile. You were ready alright. Ready to jump his bones. Just as he was about to turn his keys into his house your phone started to ring. You lifted it to see The Bone Man’s smiling face.

           “Boner, what’s up?”

           “Hey babe, Do you got time for a couple consults?” A couple? Usually it was just the one or two.

           “What do you mean a couple?” You hesitated, putting your finger up to Steve, you were completely taken out of your flirty and laid back mood it was work time. He turned to completely face you and lean on his front door.

           “Yeah I know you’re not working today but there was a freak accident on the highway. I have about 10 patients that need to go into surgery but I need your okay and the on call doctor isn’t answering his phone.”

           “Fucking Daniels. I bet he’s golfing with members of the bboard. I’ll be there, gimme 20.” Ending the call and biting your lip you looked at Steve. You were going to get to go into CAPTAIN AMERICA’S house but Dr. Daniels was in absentia so you were the next call.

           “Listen I’m really sorry but I have to go, there’s emergency at work.” Looking at your watch you absent-mindedly said “I told him 20 but it’ll be more like an hour, I totally forgot it’s rush hour. Alright Captain, duty calls.” Turning and running to go to your brownstone and get your workbag and change your clothes you heard Steve calling out for you.

           “Y/N! Wait!” You turned to see him jogging up to you “Where do you work?”

           “Mount Sainai. Why?”

           “It doesn't have to take that long.”

           Scrunching your face you told him “ I know about the subway,  but I don’t know it that well and I don't want to risk getting lost. Plus I heard the MTA is really unreliable and I don't have time for any delays right now” Spinning back around your continued to your house but you were stopped by an arm around your bicep. It felt as if your body came alive. Usually when you were thinking about work you had a really one track mind. Work was still on your mind while your bicep burned, it just wasn't at the forefront. You looked down and saw a large hand that you would have imagined was very rough but was actually soft and then looked up to Steve’s face. For a moment he was staring down at his hand too. Snapping out of whatever haze he was in he let you go.

           “Sorry.” His hand shot up. “I can get you there in 15.”

           “15 minutes?” You asked, confused. It took 20 minutes to get to work without traffic. How was he going to get you there faster than that? You decided to voice that particular concern.            

           “Just trust me, Go get your stuff and I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.” Knowing you had no time to argue you just turned and ran up the steps into you home. Within ten minutes you were back with your hair up in a bun and jeans with a blouse. All signs of Saturday rest and relaxation were off of you. And there he sat. Atop a fucking motorcycle. You almost tripped over nothing and your eyes were bugging. You were sure of it..

           “Absolutely not.” You began.

           “You’ll be fineeeee” He started to persuade. “ Think of all the people you could save. And potentially loose if you call an Uber. Come on. Get on.” Realizing he was right you were about to get up behind him and then you stopped again.

           “What’s up Doc?” He smiled. Under normal circumstances that would have gotten a light chuckle out of you. But aren’t weekend Y/N. Weekend Y/N had checked out and Work Y/N was here and in complete control despite her faltering 10 minutes ago.

           “I can’t get on that death trap without a helmet” You shrugged pulling out your phone about to open the Uber app.

           “Hey” He said and he was in front of you in an instant. “Of course I would get you a helmet. We have to protect the precious cargo.” Handing you an all-black helmet. How many times would he alone you make you grateful for your melanin that a blush you could feel was creeping up behind. He took your bag from you while letting you put the helmet on.  He sat on the bike and waited for you to get on. This was the closest you’d been to him in your almost 3 months of knowing each other and you weren’t touching him but you might as well have been. You could feel the heat radiating off his back. Flipping the face shield up you asked how you wouldn't fly off. Was there some sort of mini motorcycle seatbelt or something?

           “Yeah of course look at the end of your arms” He laughed. “You can either wrap them around me or hold on to that little railing on either side of the back.” You looked back and indeed there was a little railing, then opting to respect his boundaries; hold on to those. The engine come alive beneath you and you let out a little squeal you hoped he didn't hear.

           “Ready? He shouted.

           “Yeah” You shouted back trying to sound as normal as possible. You were off and zipping through your borough and were on the highway in 4 minutes. Shortly after you pulled up behind a sedan where you stayed for almost a full minute. Traffic was no joke and you started to think maybe it would have been better for you to take the subway. Moving  closer to Steve so he could hear you began to shout over all the engines around you.

           “Traffic is worse than I expected! I think I should have gotten on the subway”. In lieu of responding he just shook his head. You heard him saying something from behind the screen shield of his helmet. After asking what several times, he annoying flipped up his visor and said “I said hold on!” You were the closest you'd ever been in your months of knowing each other.  You were able to see his eyes weren’t all the way blue actually, they had a bit of gold flecks in them. Only being able to manage a strangled ‘okay’ he flipped his visor down.

           Grabbing the handles behind you and clenching your teeth you closed your eyes and prepared for the worst. But you weren’t prepared for what happened. The world started to fly by you and all you could see the back of Steve and the your blurred surrounding. Before you knew it you were screaming and found your arms all the way wrapped around Captain America. Boundaries be damned, this man was trying to kill you. Did you he know you belonged to people? Did he know you were someone’s child? You both made it to the hospital in 9 minutes and you got off the back of his bike with shaking knees.  

           “Steven. It feels like my esophagus dropped through my chest knocking my heart into my stomach causing a ripple effect that made my uterus fly out of my asshole.” Before being able to stop yourself your hands shot up to cover your mouth. “Excuse my language. I appreciate the ride but that was crazy.” Meanwhile Steve was keeled over his handlebars laughing enough for the whole island of Manhattan.

           Between fits of laughter he managed “Y/N, you know to call me Steve come on. And plus it was my pleasure, you've been feeding me well for months so this was honestly the least I could do. By the way what time do you get off work?”

           “Oh Steve, you don’t have to do that-” he cut you off immediately.

           “I’ll  be in the area. I was supposed to come down here during the week but since I’m already here I might as well get stuff done. Plus, I’ve been hearing a lot about global warming, and that its my generations fault and how we can help emissions by doing communal rides and such which, so I’m picking you up because it’s my civil duty, and to collectively lower our…carbon footprint?” you couldn't help but smile. You were had no idea the great Captain America was a rambler.

           “Okay.” And you both looked at each other smiling small and you turned to walk away. Turing back around “Oh! By the way, if you happen to finish your…stuff before I’m done take Sonia’s number. She’ll be able to direct you to my office where you can wait and if you’re hungry she can grab you something to eat as well. There’s a TV in there so you can watch the news or whatever old men do” You ended laughing and his smile got bigger as well. Turning around and walking through the automatic doors of the hospital Work Y/N was back. It was game time.

           After quickly changing into your scrubs and lab coat you paged Boner and were able to find him near intake with a patient.

           “Bone man, talk to me” You began. You heard a patient laugh and question Bone man?

           “Excuse me ma’am, Dr. Y/L/N. knows my name is Dr.Siriboe she just likes to joke.” He leaned in close to her like he was about to reveal a top secret and put his hand up to the side of his mouth. “You know I heard she wanted to be a comedian at first, but she didn’t have the chops so she settled for being a doctor. Not as funny but I guess it keeps the lights on” He ended with a shrug. The patient began to laugh. You knew Boner was funny but he wasn't tears in your eyes funny. This was because he was a handsome surgeon. You were woman enough to admit his good looks. Keeping it as professional as you could with someone you’d known for so long, you got started.

           With a smile still on your voice you asked “So, what do we have here?”

====================Steve’s POV=======================

           He had nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. But when he felt her arms wrap around him like that? He knew he was hooked and was looking for any way to get a fix. So he pulled up to the place he would always go when he needed time to think. The Met.

           The Met served as a sort of mental relief and motivation/inspiration, depending on his head space when he decided to visit. But as of late, he hadn’t needed to visit because. He didn’t know he just felt, satiated. He looked around at various exibits and found himself staring at a portrait of an open field of flowers. Physically he was staring at that painting but in reality he was looking through it, and thinking of you. He spent the next few hours wandering around the Meuseum for hours. Around 6 he decided to head back over to the hospital to see if she was ready to go.

           Upon arrival he texted Sonia and got the instructions to your office. Finally walking in he saw the smile on your assistant’s face welcoming him and asking him if there was anything he needed.

           “I’m fine thank you ma’am, although, would you be able to help me turn the news on in Dr. Y/L/N’s office?”

           “Of course Sir.” she replied. “And please, Sonia is fine.

            After a few minutes of silence with her setting up the TV for him he asked “Please don’t take this the wrong way. But why aren’t you acting more nervous? Not that I want you to or anything…just curious.” Sonia let out a light laugh.

           “To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair” She began to audibily laugh and then absentmindedly added “Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already.” She continued to search for the right channel. Before he could stop himself he found himself asking

           “Really? Y/N talks about me? What does she say?” All he heard was a distracted ‘hmm?’ in way of response.

           “Excuse me, Sonia” He began again. “What does she say about me?”

           “I’m sorry what?” Sonia turns her face in his direction with her eyes still glued on the screen. It was clear she was responsive but not present.

           “Sonia?”

           “Yes! Oh I’m so sorry! I always get confused by this TV.” She said landing on BBC and finally turning to give him her full attention. “What was your question again?”

           “Y/N? What does she say about me?” He’d never thought it would be possible to see the color drain from a person with such a rich complexion but he was witnessing it.

           “I don't think I said that, Captain”

           “Oh yes you did. You said, and I quote ‘To be honest I kind of know of you a bit. I speak with Sam a lot and you’ve come up in conversations plenty of times seeing as how the both of you are in some type of love affair. Plus I can’t the good Doc to shut up about you, so I sort of feel as if I know you already’ Actually. By your words it seems as if she talks about me a lot. So, what does she say?” Sonia started backing out of Y/N’s office.

           “ You know the usual…nothing unscrupulous…You know her, shes a sweetheart. Only good things and you can believe me about that” She answered nervously.

           “Can’t you give me any specifics?” He turned the Captian America charm on 3000. Who was he becoming? Since when did he imagine doing sinful things to beautiful women and it was getting out of his control. Since when did he try to do anything possible to get closer to a woman ? Physically and otherwise? Since when did he draw the same subject over and over for God’s sake? He was a disciplined, responsible, respectable man. Who was Y/N turning him into? Even in the midst of this mental crisis he knew she wouldn't be able to refuse the Charm.

           “ Nothing much. You’re really friendly and helpful, and brave because of your job and all that ya’know? And that you have a nice smile but your eyes. Good lord when she starts on your eyes I know to take a seat because we are gonna be here for a while.” She began to playfully mimick your accent “Oh my God Sonia, I’ve never seen eyes so blue” and then as if noticing she was spilling all the beans her hand shot up over her mouth. “You never heard that! You never even spoke to me! In fact I’m just the pretty lady with the beautiful accent to you!”

           He couldn't help but laugh. And he was happy for it because before her little outburst he was feeling something that he was sure other people would deem as shy? Or was he blushing? He had no idea but he didn’t like the feeling one bit so laughter was a nice change of pace.

           “Hey” He said grinning as he shot his hands up “ No one will ever get a word out of me.”

           “Thank you” she breathed a sigh of relief  “That would have been my ass.” With that she left him in the office. He had a little while to think to himself it didn't last long because he could see the profile of a man talking to Sonia out in the little reception and shortly he turned and walked into her office.

           “Hello Sir, it’s such an honor to meet you. I’m Dr.Siriboe, I work in a different department than Dr. Y/L/N, but when Sonia told me you were here I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet you. Thank you for all your service and sacrifice. My grandfather fought in WW2 so I grew up hearing stories about the front line and I know the tax it takes on a person. Your hard work does not go unnoticed, Captain.” He smiled. Steve smiled back

           “It’s good to meet you, Dr. Siriboe. I’m just a guy that decided to put on a uniform one day but you, decided to put on a white coat and save lives. That is an equally if not more taxing and hororable carrer so the pleasure is mine.” Simling widely Dr.Siriboe gave a small nod in way of accepting the comment and asked the captain to sit down with him.

           “So” He began “You like 2k?”

           “Love it!” Steve replied with a big smile.

           “Wanna play? You know what matter of fact I can’t do that to you. I’m sure whopping your ass would be considered treason or something.”

           “To be commit treason you would have to be in possession of some type of threat.” Looking around the office Steve continued “But I don't see anything threatening in here.”

           “Ohhhh Cap’s got jokes!” Kofi said laughing with Steve. “But its not gonna be so funny when I decimate you in this game. Then Imma be the only one laughing.”

           “Now son, If I go in on you it would be considered heroism in defense of our great nation”           Steve snapped back laughing. “You don’t want these problems.”

           “Son? Sir. Sir. Excuse me, sir. If I were to really get started by the time I was done witcha they’d arrest me on elder abuse and I’m liable to catch a case.”

           Before he knew it they had been playing a game of madden for about 30 mintues and between the little conversation and a whole lot of shit talking he really took a liking to Kofi. He enjoyed his company and he was always looking for new friends that weren’t attached to S.H.E.L.D. in any way possible. He seemed down to earth, and a happy go lucky fellow. Obviously he was smart to be able to become a doctor so he had that going for him as well.

He seemed like the type of guy that would already had been Steve’s friend if they hadn’t just met, he had a friendly personality. Then he wondered why he had never heard of this man before. This is the type of man Y/N should hang around, not that Boner fellow. They seemed as if they would be good friends and he decided then, that he would introduce the two. As if she was a genie and manifested though her doors.

           “Oh! Hey! Steve! You’re here!” She said looking winded.

           “Yeah I am. I’ve been here for a little under an hour just chilling with-” turning behind him to gesture to Kofi “Dr. Siriboe. Dr. Siriboe officially meet Dr. Y/L/N, Dr. Y/L/N, meet Dr, Siriboe, he works in…well actually I didn't even get his department. I’m sorry what department do you work in? You never really mentioned it.”

           “He’s in ortho” She said, cutting him off. Kofi and Y/N stared at each other for bursting out laughing leaving Steve uttlerly confused.

           “Steve, this is the Bone man!” Steve felt something sour in the back of his throat. This? This was dR. bOnEr? THE dr. Boner? That she wouldn't ever leave out of important decisions? The one that helps her when she needs it and doesn't know who to call? This is the guy she was referring to as ‘sort of her work husband and sort of her husband husband?’

           “Oh.” Was all he could manage. He was sure if he could see his own face in that moment it would look something like a 6month old who was constipated. He’d been on the couch fraternizing with the enemy?! Why would he be the enemy? Why would he even think of that? Why had he been internally monologuing this whole day? Again what the hell was she doing to him?

           “Well” He began trying to recover “Are you ready to go home?”

           “Oh! You came to give her a ride? I thought we were gonna split an uber and Rate the Pache as usual and maybe pick up some Thai?”

           “Shut up about Rate the Pache boner! Damnit that's supposed to be between just me and you!” She whisper shouted. He couldn't help himself and asked.

           “What’s rate the pache?” He asked turning to Kofi knowing you wouldn't give him an answer.

           “Well,-” Kofi started

           “Traitor!” She shouted and to be honest it startled Steve a little. He had never seen this playful and mischievous side to her before. He’d seen glimmers of it with Sam but never this full out and raw. He assumed it was because of their old friendship, but that didn't stop the little green monster coming to life within him. Who was he becoming?

Laughing Kofi continued “Rate the Pache is something we started doing back in med school. At the end of the day we get together and rate the patients we worked with on that day. Who would we bone, if there was no repercussions to our careers.” Looking over to you he saw your hands covering your face with what he thought was embarrassment. The practice was a little iffy admittedly, but he couldn't help thinking that she just looked so damn cute acting shy like that.

           “Anyway!!!” She shouted and turned to him. “Steve, I just have to get a couple things done here iff you don't mind waiting like 20 minutes and then we can head home.”

           “Sure, no problem” He said.

           “Well, we can try to finish this game” Kofi said interrupting his train of thought.

           “Ahh I didn't know you were open to public beat downs Kofi, lets do it!” Steve laughed.

           After about 15 minutes of playing, she asked Sonia for a cup of tea and Sonia told her it would be ready in a few, however the next person to open her door was not Sona, but a man instead.    

           “Dr. Daniels” She started, “How nice of you to answer your page” looking at her watch “hmmm… 6 hours too late. People could have died.” The room went silent and everyone turned to look at the late doctor.

           “Dr. Y/L/N, I’m terribly sorry. It started off with me trying to just have a meeting with some of the board members and then they refused to let me leave without playing a round. But I promise the meeting was worth while. I was able to get cardio 3 million dollars for research!”         She let out a squeal.

           “Really?! Damnit Daniels! I was really prepared to rip you a new one but I can’t be mad at this. This money will change so many lives and help preventative care so much. Thank you.” She ended quietly.

           “Of course. Meanwhile I swung by my house and got you something.”

           “Is it what I think it is?”

           “Your blueberry tea leaves as requested. And I threw in some blueberry scones just as you like them. Try one now. I added something new and I want to know if you can taste a difference.”      

           Biting into one she moaned which was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. If he weren’t so busy being something in the neighborhood of jealous he might have actually started to feel aroused. Why the hell was she surrounded by all these…Men? Men who had eyes just like him to see how wonderful she was. Men who had dirtier minds than him imaging all sorts of things.

           “Is this lemon glaze drizzled overtop?” She asked.

           “Good pallete! I call them blueberry lemonade.” He replied.

           “I mean this with all repect daniels, if things don't work out here in the hospital and I fire your ass for something you do to annoy me, you could definitely make it as a baker.”

           That pulled a laugh for a quiet Kofi which made this Dr. Daniels aware of his presence as well as Steve’s as well as if he didn’t notice the both of them before.

           “Kofi, what’s up man? Sorry I missed the pages.” Daniels said nodding to Kofi.

           “Don't worry about it man. You know Y/N zoomed in to save the day as usual.” Turing to face Steve it was then he noticed who he was. Steve could always see the change in people when they recognized him. He noticed the Dr. stood up a little taller, and cleared his throat lightly. Oh, he was a fan.

           “Hello, my name is Dr. Gerald Daniels, It’s a pleasure to meet you Captain America.”

           “Nice to meet you Dr. Daniels, likewise.” Steve said giving a patented smile. “Congrats on your new research money by the way.”

           “Thankyousomuch” Daniels rushed out. Then zipping back to her “Enjoy the tea and deserts. See you Monday. I’ll go round on the patients you had today, so you can get home.” With that he was out of the office and left a bouncing Y/N at her desk happy as could be.

           After she finished her scone, Steve watched her walk out of her office and go talk to Sonia. He watched her throw her head back in laughter and couldn't help but imagine yanking her hair back and burying his face in her neck taking in her sweet smell. He wanted to bury something else in her too but then he heard Kofi aggressively clearing his throat.

           “You like what you see?” He started.

           “Sorry?” Steve decided to play stupid.

           “ I mean any other day, I would let you be distracted and continue to score on you while you look in a completely oppsite direction just as I have in the last 2 mintues already scoring 3 times but...” He paused the game “ That’s Y/N. I’m protective over her.” He said seriously.

           “I really don’t know what you think you-” Steve started but Kofi interrupted him.

           “Listen man, I’m not blind. What are you trying to do with her? You know what? That’s none of my business. Whatever it is, make sure you’re clear about it and don't hurt her. Because at that point you’re gonna have more to worry about than aliens falling out of the sky.” With that he unpaused the game and continued to play as if nothing happened between them. Steve turned back to Y/N and Sonia to see Sonia walking out of the office and Y/N looking out the big window. All of a sudden she turned and looked directly at him and gave him a small smile that felt like an ember lighting a fire.  It was a smile he returned.

           “Alright people.” She started after walking back into her office. “I’m just about ready to go and Sonia’s gone for the day, apparently she has a date to get to.” She said wiggling her eyebrows and laughing. Kofi stood.

           “Okay I just got a page myself, so I have to run.” He stretched his arm out to steve. “Nice to meet you man.” Kofi had that easy go lucky smile but his grip was telling another story. It said if you fuck this up I fuck you up. Steve didn’t know where he stood with Kofi. Thiking of him as boner he didn’t like him at all but getting to know him as Kofi he knew he was someone he could befriend plus him sticking up for Y/N like that really won him points in Steve’s book as much as he hated to admit it. He sorta liked the guy.

           Turning to Y/N kissed her cheek and jogged out the door and she looked after him. What the hell was going on with those two?  He couldn’t place his finger on it. Was she maybe into him? Before he could even think of the situation further. She sat on the couch next to him while putting her feet up on the table and let out a big sigh.

           “So how was your day Steve?”

            “Well” he began mentally scrambling. “ I finished those errands I told you about but I ended up at the Met as I usually do.”

           “Usually? What do you do there usually?”

           “I look through Picassos stuff, they’re permanently on display. Then I go through the current exhibits. I like looking at things from all over the world and from varying time periods. Sort off broadening my artistic palette if you will” He said with an easy smile.

           “I’ve never been to the Met! It’s on my list of to-dos before I officially become a New Yorker.”

           “Then I have to take you down there one of your free days. We can. Make a day of it. Remember, doing my civil duty and all.”

           “Sounds good, I’ll let you know” She said quietly. Off course. She was back to her normal self now, trying to let him down easy. He didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was and suggested they go home.

           She turned off her light in her office and her stomach let out a noise that demanded for attention and she let out a laugh.

           “I’m a little hungry, can you tell?”

           “Right!” Steve said snapping. “Kofi mentioned something about Pad Thai? I know the best Thai restaurant in all the boroughs.”

           “I have to stop ya there chief. If it’s not New Saigon then you are sorely mistaken. Me and boner have been eating there since I used to visit him here in the city and lived back down south. He’s something of a foodie and I’m inclined to believe him.”

           “Hey! I know something or two about food as well. I promise you you’ll like it.” He stared at her while she stared at him and the both of them had a silent battle of wills.

           “Fine! But if I don't like this place, I get to choose where we eat from now on.” Now on? Does that imply that we’ll be doing this more often? Steve decided not to over think it and just live in the moment. He told her wait at the front of the hospital while he pulled the motorcycle around. He couldn't help but notice a pep in his step and it all began with him thinking of having her arms wrapped around him again. Pulling up to the hospital he saw he nervous face in view and let out a little laugh. She was the cutest. He handed her the helmet.

           “Where are we going anyway?” She said taking the helmet from him.

           “It’s this little hole in the wall called Jai-Yen.

           “Jai-Yen” She repeated quietly. “I’ve never heard of it.”

           “Well you have now.” Steve smiled. “Let’s get going.”

           “Alright, take me on your devil machine” She said putting on the helmet. Steve laughed and shook his head. As soon as she was stable on the back of the bike they were off.

Taglist: @champagnesugamama@smooth-sunflower@queenwinchester27 @hamilboots @trees-are-friends

[queerlynx]

tagged by @elinaline​ lets fucking go 

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

my what (have you seen my hair, seriously) 

2. name of a food you never eat?

garlic and i WILL die on that hill 

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

always too fucking warm. im literally never cold. people ask me 10x/day ‘arent you cold’ even tho ive told them 1000x that no, i am never cold 

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

i think i was still at the shops or maybe getting ready to go to the shops? 

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

always a slut for a snickers 

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

i dont think so? what would i do there anyways ……oh wait no i went along to a professional tennis game w my ex’s brother i think? i can barely remember it was like 6 years ago 

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

genuinely can’t remember even tho it was probs less than 15mn ago to my flatmate. most likely something about the cat being cute. or maybe it was TO the cat. who knows. 

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

chocolate probably? or banana? banana and chocolate is also good 

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

lemonade cause thats all i drink 

10. do you like your wallet?

it’s BB-8!!! so yeah of fucking course 

11. what was the last thing you ate?

a bagel w blue cheese laughing cow, ham, and one of them shitty toastie super processed cheese slices 

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

me and whose money lmaoo i can barely afford food rn 

13. last sporting event you watched?

nope 

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

recently ive discovered you can drizzle maple syrup on popcorn and oh boy. other than that probs salted caramel sauce. but like i almost never have popcorn 

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

im gonna assume this is any message and not just tumblr, in which case it was my fiancé @yearningcurve on whatsapp 

16. ever go camping?

i love camping but last time i went was at least 6 years ago ): 

17. do you take vitamins?

lol no 

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

………moving swiftly on 

19. do you have a tan?

i avoid sunlight like the plague so i’ll let you figure that one out 

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

probs pizza but i like both 

21. do you drink soda with a straw?                      

i chug it straight from the bottle lol who’s got the time 

22. what colour socks do you wear?

im almost constantly barefoot unless i HAVE to put on shoes and even then i won’t always put socks on if i’m not gonna be outside for long 

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

im always p much 5mph above the speed limit (fun fact, the display in cars shows your speed as roughly 2mph higher than it actually is, you can check it against a gps on your phone; AND speed cameras allow for +5mph anyway, so why the fuck wouldnt i be) 

24. what terrifies you?

like in general?? people leaving me, rejecting me, abandoning me, cutting me out, hating me in secret; not being a good person or liked or useful; people thinking i’m annoying or embarrassing or ridiculous or boring; the list goes on 

25. look to your left what do you see?

a very roumd and somft kitty :3 

26. what chore do you hate?

anything administrative or on the phone. i dont think it counts as chores but i genuinely enjoy tidying and cleaning so. 

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

i cant tell an australian accent when i hear one 

28. what’s your favourite soda?

lemonade, or fanta 

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

ever since ive gotten a car p much always drive thru cause why would i sit in a crowded fast food restaurant w screeching kids and angry karens when i could enjoy my disgusting feast in my own home??? 

30. who was the last person you talked to?

IRL that’d be my flatmate 

t31. favourite cut of beef?

sirloin 

32. last song you listened to?

Echoes by the Rapture, it played on my shuffle in my car and reminded me of how good Misfits was lmao 

33. last book you read?

it would’ve been over seven or eight years ago. can’t remember. 

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a 

apparently so but it took a while tbh 

35. how do you like your coffee?

i mostly drink flat whites w hazelnut when i drink coffee but tbh despite being a barista w a professional grade home coffee machine i barely ever drink any outside of work lmao 

36. favourite pair of shoes?

grinders boots AND my trans pride converses. can’t pick between them soz 

37. the time you normally go to bed?

really is no normal. anytime between midnight and like up to 5am esp rn during lockdown. i never went to sleep last night actually i’ve been awake for like 28h now 

38. the time you normally wake up?

see above. anytime between 10am and like 6pm depending on when i went to bed. outside of lockdown i would wake up exactly an hour before i have work, so anytime between 5am-11am 

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

sunsets but i really love both 

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

one bedsheet and one soft blanket 

41. describe your kitchen plates?

they’re green. nobody is surprised 

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

cider. i be drinkin that shit like its juice 

43. do you play cards?

not really altho on lockdown i’ve taught my flatmates a french card/money game called Nain Jaune and they enjoy it so that makes me happy 

44. what colour is your car?

dark red like……burgundy kinda? 

45. can you change a tire?

probably not lol 

46. your favourite province?

province of what lol. either way it’s Brittany. 

47. favourite job you’ve had?

ive only ever had the one lmao so, barista it is 

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

top surgery (’: 

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

fuck if i know. i guess i made coffee for my flatmates but like i do it everyday so they p much expect it by now i dont think it makes them any happier or like if it does they dont really say it rip 

not a big fan of tagging ppl so just. do it if you wanna lol 

[purplesurveys]

684

Have you ever lied to a person of authority? What did you say? I’ve lied to a teacher once or twice, but not anything more severe. Doesn’t matter if it’s a person of authority or not; I just hate lying. What’s your favourite type of pie, either sweet or savoury? I love chicken pot pie lol < Oh gosh yeah dude. Savory pies are the shit. I find that most sweet pies have fruit in them and given that I hate fruits, this is an easy choice for me. Do you have a Netflix subscription? Yeah, we have a family plan that my dad pays for. Have you ever parked in a disabled parking space even if you aren’t disabled? Nope. That sounds awful. How long does it usually take you to get ready in the morning? Depends on how late I’m running. If I started preparing early I can give myself up to an hour but if I’m late as it is, I can take 10 minutes to shower, get dressed, prepare my lunch, and get in the car.

What colour is your favourite shirt? My favorite top at the moment is a multi-colored striped spaghetti strap. If I remember, some of the stripes are white, maroon, olive green, dark blue, etc. When was the last time you saw a photo of yourself? Today. I took a dumb selfie for Angela. Does your laptop ever overheat? It doesn’t overheat but the fan tends to get louder when I do video calls on it, so I never do them on my laptop. Are you wearing a dress today? I am not. I’m up on the rooftop and it’s pretty cold tonight, so I have a large hoodie on, and also a hoodie wrapped around my legs so that I don’t get bitten by mosquitoes. Do you use your phone during class or at work? I use my phone in classes where the profs aren’t as strict. OMG I miss going to class :( How many times a day do you check Facebook? Countless. It’s where everyone hangs out to communicate, or do work, or share announcements, or post memes, so I’m almost always there. Do you hate it when people on airplanes recline the seat in front? No one’s ever done that to me before so I wouldn’t know if it would bother me. Are you the type of person to press a button just because? I would only get the urge if I knew it doesn’t work anymore or if it’s unplugged. I wouldn’t press a button that I know would do something. Would you ever volunteer in the case of a natural disaster? Yeah, but tbh I’m more likely to volunteer for orgs that help out stray animals  affected by the disaster, like for PAWS. I know for sure I would have volunteered for them after the Taal eruption, but I couldn’t because our house itself was affected by the ashfall. Do you check your emails daily? NO. I’m definitely not checking them during the lockdown because I want my break to stay a break. Are you inside or outside at the moment? I’m technically ~inside the house but I’m in an outdoors part of it. Why did you last have to see a doctor? I needed to have my left eye checked because it’s been acting up for a while. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? Nope. Are you happy with how much you weigh? Sure. I’ve never really paid close attention to my weight and I’ve always been just passively content with it. What’s your favourite flavour of Jell-O? Ughhh I hate any kind of jelly, I find the texture disgusting. I dunno if we have Jell-O here but we have local brands of jelly that I’ve never thought of trying. Do you pick your nose? C’mon, be honest. Yep, but only if I’m by myself or with my girlfriend. What was the last thing you bought from a supermarket? It’s been months, but if I remember correctly it was ice cream that my mom had been craving, and she asked me to buy it because I went out that day. Do you know anyone who is highly allergic to anything? Yeah, Tina is allergic to seafood and Kate is allergic to seafood, chicken, and eggs. When was the last time you had a nap? Just this late afternoon. I fell asleep at 4:30 and woke up for dinner, so I’ll probs be up really late again tonight. Are you hot, cold, or just right at the moment? I was cold earlier but I put a hoodie on so now I’m feeling just right. Do you have a Spotify Premium membership? If not, do you want one? I technically don’t, but Gabie has one and she let me log into her account a long time ago. What’s your boss’ name? I don’t have one. Back in my internship days – again, because this is really my only ~job experience so far lol – the boss’ name was Dessa, but I was under a supervisor named Therese. Have you ever eaten caviar? Yup. Are you a nervous type of person? Yeah, I generally am. Do/did you collect anything currently or in the past? I used to collect receipts from my dates with Gab, but I’ve completely stopped doing that. I keep telling myself on these surveys that I’m gonna start collecting again and it just never happened, so now all there is to say is that I entirely stopped lol. Other than that, I don’t collect anything else. On average, how much money do you usually put into savings every week? Depends on how much is left over by Friday; I don’t have a set amount. The left over from my allowance can be anywhere from P100 to P1,000. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savoryyyyy. Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? No, not on my computer. What are your three favourite fruits? I hate fruits. Have you ever received a speeding fine? Nope, I don’t even think that’s grounds for being fined here. I’ve seen people drive like maniacs on highways, and yet they’d get pulled over because they illegally changed lanes or did an illegal u-turn. When was the last time you shaved any part of your body? This evening. Have you ever had a cramp in an odd place? Mmm no, I’ve only gotten cramps where it’s common, like my legs and neck. Would you ever go overseas for cheap medical treatment? No. It doesn’t make sense to me – the airline ticket would bump up how much I would need to spend anyway. The only times I see the sense in traveling abroad for medical reasons would be if the treatment/surgery/medicine/facility is only available in a certain country, or if the best doctor in a certain field is in a different country. How many hours did you sleep last night? 8, I think. Are you good at writing stories? I’ve never been good at writing stories. I liked reading them as a kid, but I never succeeded in writing my own. What have you eaten today? I had eggplant stuffed with meat, fried egg, and fried rice for brunch and Mang Inasal takeout for dinner. Do you watch House of Cards? Nope. I want to try watching it but I feel like it’s too dialogue-y for me. Plus Kevin Spacey is there for like 5 out of 6 seasons I think, which would really ruin the viewing experience lmao. Did anything exciting or interesting happen to you today? Nah not really, much like the last three weeks of the lockdown. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? Raw tuna. Who else is in the building you’re in right now? My family and dog.

[sachi-pon]

free! dive to the future episode 10 liveblog/review thing

i appreciate anyone who is actually reading these weird liveblogs, hahahahahaha. i know that i kind of ramble on and on and on. hopefully you guys like my rambles!!!

my previous liveblogs:  (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7) (episode 8) (episode 9)

watch the episode here: http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-10-the-grab-start-of-hope-775641

***

"it wasn't anything special," says albert. haha this reminds me of something i get annoyed by... i hate when a highly skilled artist says this after making an amazingly good-looking artwork!! they're like "this is just a quick 10-minute doodle. sorry it's so ugly," and yet, it looks waaaaay better than my artwork *sob* *sob* *sob*

okay, that's a nice shot of albert's gorgeous body <3333

makoto knows about odin??? aaaaah he's so smart!!!! lol i had no idea who odin was.

so albert is not an alien, but a god?!?!?! and... haru's mind has been torn apart?? ;__;

STUPID GUY!!!!! he asked everyone else to leave, but i think he should give a married couples exception for makoto to go talk to haru <3

rin and sousuke meeting again ^_____^

that shirt rin gave him is so kawaii, lol. i wanna see him wear it tho.

rin being a little embarrassed was so precious!!!

*dramatic pause* A SUCCESS!!!!!!! (yay!!!)

I HATE HOW THIS SHOW GIVES ME SO MANY FEELS, UGH.

rin isn't crying. he has pollen allergies that make his eyes watery, or something.

i know it was just a fist bump but it was the most romantic fist bump ever <33333

haru, come on, text makoto back pls ;__;

mako is so sweet, he apologizes when he did nothing wrong XD

just fyi, i am trying to watch this episode while eating and i keep forgetting to eat because i am too nervous lol

"i heard something from a friend..." uh, who?

massage?? =) =) =) sounds like a good idea to help haru =) *prays to kyoani writers to create this scene* PLEASE? ...PLEASE? ...PLEASE? ...PLEASE?

what happened to nao's eye? if this has already been revealed, then i forgot ^__^U

mako leans down while talking to masaki, that's a little detail i noticed that is so cute <3333

wait, we didn't find out who nao's "friend" was...

even ladybugs are attracted to makoto's awesomeness. hey if i were a ladybug, i'd land on makoto too.

mako's phone is vibrating. IT'S HARU!!!!! ... no, it's not =(

omg what??? congrats, rei!!! and to think, he didn't even like swimming.

i love how a dark cloud just randomly appeared behind rei lol

nagisa mentions how everyone is going to see each other in tokyo... omg, there's going to be a big reunion!!! =D i am so excited!! =D

haru suddenly becomes this magical fairy tale prince. okay, i'd watch that anime. XD

omg makoto looks adorable in that outfit. <3

"BKC NANASE" LOL WTF GOU. what is wrong with you. XDDDDD

hahaha makoto's facial expression is like "uhhhh this is kinda strange"

makorin date yaaaaay XD all right, to be honest, i kinda ship it. >////< like, not seriously, but like... kinda sorta. a little bit. they are cute together!!!

um, that thing is not cute at all. ^__^U

rin, how are you calling someone else weird when you have shark teeth????

makoto being so happy about sousuke's surgery is melting my heart... (but my heart has already been melted many times this season so i don't understand how it is still melting more and more...)

makoto (casually): oh btw, haru swam an IM. rin: *spits his drink out all over makoto* WAIT WHAT?!?!!?!??!?!?!? hahahahahaha

rin is so dramatic, like he is about to lead an army into battle. but he's just going to go with makoto to see haru. XDDDDD

whoa, haru looks mad o__o

hey coach... don't be so hard on haru!! it's not haru's fault that he lost to an alien god.

no, haru wasn't always this competitive. he is acting out of character...

haru's like "this is stupid, i'm outta here." lol.

there is really dramatic music during this casual conversation so it's kinda weird

"he doesn't listen to a thing i say." but that's because what you're saying is confusing and vague.

"i haven't looked at my phone in two weeks" huh??? how are you a young person in today's world who doesn't use their phone??? something is extremely wrong here. XD

hahaha i figured this would happen. makoto would explain things in a way haru would understand. of course haru understands mackerel, hahahahaha, makes sense to him!!!

i love how haru took a moment to think about what mako said. that was funny. ^__^

rin is like "good, i approve of this mackerel teaching method."

i can imagine that haru is pretty surprised to suddenly see rin appear out of nowhere!!! o__o

"i was swimming, but it didn't feel like i was swimming." huh???

soft piano music in the bg, awwww it's so cute.

huh? makoto heard what rin said, through the windows? either rin was talking very loudly or makoto has hearing superpowers. XD

"what can i do?" asks makoto. well, makoto, i have an idea. why don't you give haru a massage, like nao instructed you to do earlier in this episode????? come on!!! (okay, so maybe that's not exactly what nao said, but that's what i heard!!)

yes, mako knows haru well, but it's also true that he is good at reading people in general, not just haru. of course, haru is the person he can read most of all, but makoto can also read others.

wooooow that little part with haru taking off his swimcap and shaking his head as sparkling drops of water fall around him was one of the most magical moments of my life and i will cherish it forever.

"don't tell him that." makoto should totally tell him that. =P

i literally laughed out loud at the timing of haru (and rin) walking into the room. haru, you should have come in just a little bit earlier and then you would have heard what was just said about you that you weren't supposed to hear!! lol!!!

haru is so confused like "why is he a good coach? he's just annoying."

ugggghhhhh, makoto, you are not listening to me. -___-UUUU you are blatantly ignoring what i said. i said give HARU a massage. you've got the wrong person!!!! ;___;

misaki doesn't really know all the specific examples you're talking about, makoto... ^___^U

"i'm sure swimming with natsume-kun again will open your eyes, too." well, idk about that. i thought haru was the only one who has the power to give people epiphanies while swimming with them...

well this is awkward. misaki and natsume aren't happy to see each other =(

his goggles flew off??? i feel sorry for his eyes, then! XD but i guess this is the "opening your eyes" makoto was talking about hahahaha

awwwww that is so sweet. natsume was happy for just a second and then he held back because he didn't want to make misaki feel bad awwwww ;__; ;__;

...but misaki was a good sport and congratulated him anyway. okay, it's official: these two kids are extremely adorable!! =)

why is makoto so shocked that he helped misaki? that's kinda the entire point of his job. XD

makoto has a new dream!!!! he's so fired up and determined. aaaah i love him so muuuuuch <3333

aaaaaaand here comes the iwatobi crew. this will be fun!!! =D

ummm okay, that's it. the episode's over... i am sad because that was a fun episode to watch. i really liked it, and that's because this episode had a lot of makoto in it, so of course i'm going to like that. XD and i just loved seeing makoto discover some of his own strengths. he even figured out his new dream at the end. he's just so special!!!! he is someone who has a positive impact on other people around him, and that is so clearly seen. it makes a lot of sense that he wants to be a trainer. he knows how to bring out the potential in others, because he can understand their feelings and figure out the best way to challenge them and encourage them.

oh, and... as of now, it is a real, true, canon fact that makoto is good at massages, which is yet another thing that makes him more perfect. <333333 this is really important to me. no seriously, this is something that matters to me a lot. this is like if the writers had thought, "hmm. what can we make makoto do that would be the #1 most amazing wonderful thing that sachi-pon would love???" it's like they read my mind and are trying to appeal specifically to me!!! ^___^ this is exactly what i would have thought of... uh... i mean... already thought of. okay, i thought about this a long time ago. >///////< but now this has gone beyond my fangirl fantasy and is a real thing that exists in the actual show. XDDDD hooray!!!!!! *waves pom-poms like a cheerleader* now all i need is a scene of makoto using his massage skills on you-know-who, and i'll be fine. ^__^

yes, i do have a problem with being too addicted to makoto. no, i do not intend to see a doctor. i intend to live with this problem forever. <3

wait... were there other people in this episode too? i forgot about everyone else besides makoto. uh, oh yeah. there was haru. he was so sad after the loss, but i think he's starting to feel better now, so that's good. i was getting worried when he wasn't texting makoto. =( don't do that anymore, haru!!! ;__;

also, there was rin, and later, makoto, finding out about sousuke's surgery. both of them had such excited reactions!!! and yes, rin, you cried, admit it!!! (haha) but yeah, it just shows how much those two care about sousuke. i loved those moments!!!

i am so happy for the big reunion in the next episode. i think it's going to be a little crazy, but definitely a lot of fun!! and of course, rin and haru's big showdown. who will win?!?!?!? also, what about the mysterious alien god????? how can anyone defeat him? the only way to defeat him is for haru to... TURN INTO A MERMAN!!!!!!!!!! (yes, i am still talking about merman throughout this whole season)

[dekinswritings]

Piece of cake to bake

μ's takes out Nico to celebrate for her birthday. Unfortunately, Maki couldn’t make it, but she had her own good reasons. NicoMaki.

Word count: 1581

A/N: This is a collab with @myonmukyuu!!! sfuibfuiweb I was so excited when she asked me if I wanted to do something with her but don’t tell her that mkay??? thanks

[Ao3] [FF.net]

“So where's Maki-chan?” Honoka asked as she tried to see if the red haired doctor was anywhere to be found behind Nico.

“She couldn't come,” Nico answered, seemingly unaffected by the fact that her girlfriend hadn't come.

“Eeeh?! Why not?! We’ve had this lunch planned for like two months nya!” Rin frowned and got to Nico’s side. “What's so important that she couldn't come to celebrate Nico’s birthday?!”

“Maybe saving people's lives? She told me that the hospital called her in to tend to some patient, even though she asked for the day off.” Nico explained and wrapped an arm around Rin’s shoulder. “I don't hold it against her though, Nico will have more birthdays and Maki gets to save someone's life! That's enough of a compromise for Nico so let's stop brooding and let's get started.” Nico smiled and did her signature hand gesture with her free arm.

They had all met up at a cozy family restaurant that they frequented from time to time; the food was pleasant and not too pricey but what made them stick to this place was Honoka, when she had discovered that a few employees here had recognized her and told her how big fans they had been of μ's. After that, it had become a sort of unwritten rule to always come to this place every times they needed to come together for lunch.

Nico was surprised when desserts had arrived, as her slice of strawberry shortcake had been adorned with a happy birthday message. She was even more surprised to see everyone else as perplexed as her because none of them had told any of the waiters that it was Nico’s birthday. Apparently the employees whom Honoka had met knew about it and decided to surprise her on their own. After a small sing along of a happy birthday song, desserts eaten and bills paid, they all headed to next stop of Nico’s birthday plan: karaoke.

The last step was all up to Maki.

When Maki got confirmation from the others that Nico arrived at the family restaurant, that was her cue on being able to finally go home with all the shopping she had done. Setting down the grocery bags, she took everything out and ran a mental checklist of her shopping: eggs, milk, sugar, all purpose flour, baking soda, vanilla extract, milk and fresh strawberries. Maki had never baked a cake before, but if she can cut open a skull and cut pieces of the most sensible organ in the human body, a cake shouldn’t be so difficult. Right?

Maki set her phone down with a cake she found online. It was for a simple cake: Nico couldn’t expect a New York style cheesecake out of her first try baking. First, preheat the oven to 175C, then take out a bowl and start to mix the ingredients. Maki felt blessed when she found a cake pan in the kitchen that she could use because she certainly forgot to buy one. Putting some butter in the microwave to melt it, next was mixing one and half cups of flour and baking soda each and a teaspoon of salt, the doctor started to mix the ingredients. With all the powders looking equally mixed, Maki scooped a cup of sugar and poured it along the melted butter. This whole mixing situation was much harder than she thought, her cake mix was taking a long time to look like the ones she found online. Almost 10 minutes of hard work with a whisk, Maki finally made it look like something worth putting on an online recipe, so she then added the eggs, milk and finally the vanilla extract.

Maki sighed, wiping off the sweat that had started to appear on her forehead. The kitchen was a mess, there was flour on the kitchen island, on the floor and on herself, she cracked an egg too hard and it was yet to be cleaned up, but the cake mix was finally ready. Out of mere curiosity, Maki dipped a finger in it and tasted a small sample of the mix. Her gag reflex reacted almost immediately with its astoundingly salty taste. Maki frowned, assuming she must’ve mixed up the sugar and salt. The cake mix was basically ruined… or was it?

“Sugar and salt balance each other, right?” Maki assumed as she did a small calculation in her head. She added exactly a teaspoon of sugar and a cup and two teaspoons of salt, so she just needed to add a cup and two teaspoons of sugar. Adding the surplus of sugar, Maki stirred for another 5 minutes, just to make sure the sugar had mixed well.

The last step before using the oven was buttering the cake pan. Maki had to take out another bar of butter and she buttered the plate by rubbing its inside with a side of the bar. Once prepared, she poured in the whole cake mix. Almost filling the entire plate, she opened the oven, slid it in and now Maki just had to sit pretty for more or less 30 minutes. The redhead took a look at the complete and utter mess that she made of the kitchen and considered cleaning it, but right now she just wanted to rest. She had time to spare as the cake baked and sat down for a well deserved rest.

“maki-chan!! nico-chan just left!!!” Maki’s phone buzzed with a message from Rin. She quickly checked the time, only 15 minutes had passed and Nico would be home in 10 minutes, at best. The cake wasn’t going to be ready in time. With a whimper, Maki quickly tried to come up with a solution. With no other choice, she went back to the oven and turned it up it to its maximum temperature.

Nico sighed as she walked up the stairs to her apartment; she had had a fun time with her friends, and it got really fun when Eli decided to order some drinks during karaoke. That alone made her 25th birthday stand out, but she really wanted it to be special. She did her best to not show it, but those with more keen eyes must’ve picked up that Maki’s absence was affecting her. When Nico reached her door, she picked up on an odd smell. It smelled like… a bakery? Confused, she opened the door and was hit with a wave of warm air and the aroma of baking.

“Happy birthday, Nico-chan,” Maki greeted her by the table with a bright and big smile that Nico didn’t see very often. She almost looked proud of herself, the kind of look that she always gave her when Maki was particularly clingy and looked for appraise. That’s when Nico noticed the chocolate cake sitting on the middle of the table.

“I’m home,” Nico greeted her and kicked off her shoes to the side and took off the ribbons on her pigtails. Walking up to Maki, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a kiss. “Did you lie to me about getting called in for work?”

“Maybe, but this was a bit harder than a surgery,” Maki smiled as she pressed her forehead to Nico’s. Nico snorted at the joke and let go.

“Can I eat it now?” Nico asked and sat down after getting a nod from her girlfriend. Maki brought her a plate, a fork and a knife to cut the cake.

Under expectant amethyst eyes, Nico slowly cut herself a slice and served it, taking the single strawberry adorning the cake and popping it into her mouth. Next, she took a piece of the fluffy cake in her fork. “Your chocolate cake doesn’t smell very chocolate-y.” Nico commented before taking the piece in her mouth.

“U-um… well, it’s not chocolate. I-it’s vanilla but I might’ve burned it a bit.” Maki confessed. “I took too long making the cake mix so I had to rush the baking.”

Nico’s gag reflex immediately kicked in as her tongue touched the cake, wincing at its tremendously salty flavor and the gooey texture. Nico noticed the glint of expectancy in Maki’s eyes so she did her best to keep her smile, but her efforts were crumbling down as she tried to chew the salt mine of half raw cake and gulped it down. Her stomach was refusing to take it but Nico powered through it, but by the time she looked up at Maki, she was already looking down at the floor.

“It was awful, wasn’t it,” Maki mumbled more of a statement rather than a question.

“N-no! It was just,” Nico’s gag reflex kicked in again, interrupting her, “uh… unique. Not catered to Nico’s quite picky preferences!”

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it Nico, I could tell from your face that it was the most terrible thing you’ve had to taste.” Maki sighed and fiddled awkwardly with her apron.

Nico got up and took Maki’s hands in her own and gently rubbed them with her thumbs. “It’s okay Maki-chan, I’m really happy you made this for me.” Maki sniffled and looked Nico in the eyes. “I mean it.” The birthday girl felt relief as she finally saw Maki smile back at her.

“Although…” Maki tilted her head, confused that Nico talked so soon after the moment they just shared, “I haven’t really eaten cake yet, well, besides that.” Nico pointed at the one sitting on the table, “so… do you want to bake a cake? Together?”

A/N: This legit took me like 4 times to post bc I forgot the header and then I had a missing words and then I posted it on a wrong blog efuibeufiwebufbn. Thanks to @diverdaddy for betaing my god awful writing!! Happy birthday Nico!! I got such a good roll from step up scouting :))) anyways, yeah title might be a reference to a certain song bc I’m not creative.

[sevensity]

RFA/Minor Trio and MC as the World’s Greatest Detective

So originally I wrote this for @makosharkies but then Tumblr just tossed it  away why u play me like dis?

This is written for a super detective who hides behind a fake name, like L aka Ryuzaki aka best sad alien man boy of all time. She chooses to confide her secret to the RFA because???? The power of friendship prevails all!!!11

  YOOᔕᑌᑎG:

As soon as you tell him your alias, he’s like wait what?

You mean that super famous detective who’s been solving decade-long cases?

Is worried that being the world’s greatest detective means you’ll somehow get your hands on his browser history so he has a mini heart-attack

But other than that, is super excited to try out your skills, so he’ll often come up to you and ask all sorts of questions that you have to guess i.e “MC what did I eat for supper last night?” “Fettuccini Alfredo and a Caesar salad.” “Oh my god! You really are a genius!” “Yoosung pls we had dinner together.”

Anyways, you answer all his questions right

Yoosung’s admiration level is over 9000 (wow I’m so funny)

He starts reading mystery novels, has difficulty understanding how the crimes happened and how they were solved, but the boy is trying okay

Falls in love with Agatha Christie, and gushes to you about how intricate the murders are, and how cool Monsieur Poirot is, and you just patiently listen to him go on and on because gosh darn the boy is cute

But of course keeps reminding you that you’re the most amazing of all

Yoosung gets a Sherlock hat and parades around his apartment wearing it, plus it’s honestly the best thing to witness cuz the ear flaps bounce up and down as he runs around you, making him look like an actual puppy

Yoosung come here I want to pet you forever

  ᒍᑌᗰIᑎ:

To be honest the world’s greatest detective paired up with a corporate giant is an absolutely terrifying combination in the business world

You can investigate the dark secrets of his competition and expose all of their back deals, thus ruining their reputation and standing

Likewise, any sabotage attempts are quickly ended in you revealing the culprits, leading to their arrest, so soon nobody bothers to try and take Jumin down anymore because they already know the outcome

His influence and power has doubled, maybe even tripled, and it’s all thanks to you

But still, he keeps reminding you not to push yourself, and you keep reminding him that solving things is part of your job and that it’s a lot of fun

When he sees you trying to solve an actual, difficult case though, he can only stand back and just watch in amazement as the person he loves gives all the right answers to mysteries that befuddled the world for ages

Tbh being a detective sounds really cool but my observation skills are limited to “This wall pattern is missing a stripe,” and  "My right boob is 0.6cm higher than my left one,” and then thinking about it all day long 

  ᘔEᑎ:

“Babe, if you’re the best detective in the world, can you determine the cause of my godly looks?”

Zen n o

It’s cool because whenever he receives hate mail, or anti fans do something to cause him trouble, you’ll swoop in like a midnight vigilante and find the culprit in a heartbeat

Zen’s all like wait aren’t I supposed to protect you but honestly he loves knowing that you’re basically his personal super hero

Low key wants you to dress up as a superhero to go and catch the perpetrator 

Z e n NO

He also finds it enchanting how quickly your mind works, and how you can figure out the most difficult things using just the smallest of hints

At some point he has a play in which his role is that of a detective, so he keeps asking you for advice on how to portray his character properly

Zen I’m sorry but I’ve never met such a flamboyant detective in my life

He’d probably end up causing more crimes with his sinful looks if he were an actual detective tho

  ᔕᗩEYOᑌᑎG:

*in the case that MC did not single-handedly arrest Unknown and just proceeded to enter the apartment normally*

So he kind of freaked out at first, because not two hours had passed since you joined the group chat did you call him by his actual name during your very first phone convo. You ask him about his past and current life, and said you would be willing to try and rejoin him and his bro bro

*cue nervous seven nervously sweating while having a nervous breakdown*

Yet he couldn’t really figure out anything about you, no matter how hard he tried

But later you tell him your alias, and he’s like OH WHAT NO WAY???

He’s been a hardcore fan for the longest time

Y’all have mystery nights, where you take turns creating a crime scene and the quickest one to solve the problem wins a bag of Honey Buddha Chips

To be honest, Seven’s cases are so extravagant and weird sometimes it’s hard to get past the “Seven what the fuck?” stage, but you manage to solve them all anyways

And when it’s Seven turn to solve your mysteries, he’s like that kid taking a math test that uses the wrong equation but still ends up with the right answer

It’s pretty amazing actually

Once, when you were solving a case, Seven asked you how you came to your conclusion, and just as a joke you said “’Tis elementary, my dear Watson.”

He proceeded to flip his darn shit

After that, he constantly asks you to cosplay as Sherlock Holmes and walk around with him outside, of course with him dressed up as maid Watson

You comply and it’s surprisingly fun.  You spend most of the day café hopping, using your powers of observation to come up with theories regarding the other patrons

It becomes a competition to come up with the most ridiculous theory, but still be able to back it up with ‘conclusive’ evidence

Seven is really, really good at this, and it’s so much fun you join in

“I think that lady is lying to her friend. Her left nostril twitches every 2.8 seconds, and also the wart on her chin looks rather untrustworthy.”

“Hm, yes that is true. And according to today’s alignment of the sun and the stars, plus the presence of a dusty pickle on the floor, I can say with 100% certainty that your theory is correct.”

Being with Seven is just so much fun hnnng

 ᔕᗩEᖇᗩᑎ:

Ok but tbh if MC was the world’s greatest detective, Saeran would be screwed from square one

Like MC would probably figure out that he was already at the apartment, and lure him out of his hiding spot by choosing those “there is no number pad” options all the time

You know that “bad” ending you can get without even entering the chat-room where Unknown drags your ass away to become his assistant

Kind of off topic but I never really understood why MC would just go along quietly with him I mean yeah he’s hot but like? instead just drag his ass into the apartment and have some sexy time if ya catch my drift

Being a detective means you are very knowledgeable in many skills, and self-defense/fighting is one of them

So basically you tackle him, and decide that going inside the apartment would be more suitable for an interrogation and some other stuff

But of course you still end up entering the chat-room, and it takes a while to explain everything to everyone

It’s not long before Mint Eye goes down, the twins are reunited, Rika is shipped off to Alaska to live in a snake’s natural habitat the wild 

Everyone is confused, and kind of amazed

They decide to let you enter the RFA regardless, since you seem really cool and you helped them so much

When Saeran calms down a bit, he realizes how lucky he was to have chosen you as bait

Feels forever grateful for your interference, and feels calm when he sits beside you while you quietly solve you cases, thoroughly enjoys watching you work

He’s also really happy when you ask for his input regarding a case, and he’ll gladly help you in any way he can

It’s therapeutic for him

Let the bean be a detective too

 ᐯᗩᑎᗪEᖇᗯOOᗪ:

Thinks you being the world’s greatest detective means that you’re another Seven

No it just means we have different ways of acquiring our information

This guy

He’s actually so fucking impressed by your skills

But is he ever going to admit it?

Hell to the no

At least not to your face 

He will however go on a Vanderwood Rant and tell others about how talented you are, how amazing your mind is, and just overall how cool his partner is

Seven uses this to his advantage

If Vanderwood is ever using his Grasp of the Maid on Saeyoung, who wishes to escape, he’ll jokingly say something along the lines of “But in all honesty, I don’t think MC is that talented.”

Hoooooooh  bo i

Vanderwood will literally go on for hours without realizing it unless you physically shut his mouth for him

Cue Seven using Quick Escape

Never tarnish MC’s good name in front of Vanderwood, unless you have about half a day to spare

 ᐯ:

Thanks to you Rika is now undergoing mental rehabilitation

Feels indebted to you forever

V I did it for you not for Rika

Is constantly worried about your safety, since a lot of criminal organizations are after your head

You assure you that you’re safe as long as nobody in the RFA spills your secret, but this mom boy doesn’t stop fretting

So you convince him to get the eye surgery, saying how if he could see, he would be able to keep you safe

And how he could also help you collect evidence and stuff for your job (but really it’s just for his sake, the poor boy doesn’t deserve any more suffering)

He gets it done and just never leaves your side

But his presence isn’t obnoxious or anything, he never gets in your way, he just kind of goes to screen saver mode until you move or need his help

You’re sitting, working, and want some tea? Home boy is gonna read your mind 

There’s a cup of tea in your hand before you can even breathe

Though his presence is soothing, like listening to raindrops against the roof, or the quiet chatter you hear in a coffee shop

But don’t expect him to be a big help when you ask for his advice in a case, his soul is too gentle to talk about suspects and crimes

Also he was basically involved in an illegal religious cult like five minutes ago I’m pretty sure if you bring up crimes he’s going to want to turn himself in