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arielhopepeace · 1 year

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Welcome to another Joel and y/n fic. One of these times I’d like to write one that has the breakout, because zombies have always really freaked me out lol.

Anyway, in this fic, Sarah is 9, and y/n is her 4th grade teacher. Obviously it gets GOOOOOOD later on hehe. This fic was an idea recommended by @viclgrd ❤️

As always, pleaaaase enjoy.

Part two is here

Part three is here

Part four is here

Final part is here

Part One

18+ only

Tw: mention of cancer, mention of death, panic attacks, anxiety

4,770 words

Joel POV

"Sarah, come on!" I urge my very stubborn nine year old daughter.

There's nothing I love more in this world than her. She's a spitting image of my late wife, and she was honestly an easy, laid-back baby with a surprisingly calm toddler stage. Getting her to school is the only real issue I've faced with her.

Sarah loves to sleep. I've taken her to pediatricians with my concerns on why she loves to be in bed so much, but they assured me it's only due to her enjoyment of it, and the fact that she's constantly growing, making her more fatigued. Waking her up every morning before I have to go to work is difficult, and rather taxing. Luckily, I'm able to leave right after I walk her to her bus stop, always making it to work in the nick of time.

I'd like to say that I'm a good father to Sarah. My wife passed away when our daughter was only one, so Sarah doesn't have any memory of her. I've always wondered if that made it easier, never knowing her, but I've always been too terrified to ask how she feels. She's still so young that I don't want to fill her head with dark and agonizing subjects.

Of course I'll talk about her mother if she asks and explain that she passed away from cancer, but I never linger on her death with Sarah. I always do my best to turn it into a beautiful, light thing, hoping that she never develops that crippling anxiety in her sternum as I have.

"Daddy, why can't you ever take me to school?" Sarah whines as she holds my hand, both of us leaving the house.

"Because," I begin as I peer down at her, "I have to work, baby."

Her eyes twinkle up at me with their hazel hue, my lips twitching up as I admire her, completely enamored with my little girl.

"So many other kids at school have their parents visit them for lunch. Can you visit me one day?" her gaze becomes teary.

I crouch down once we're at our stop sign, giving her a kiss between her brows. "Hey," I say softly, "don't cry. I'll ask when I go in today if I can have lunch with you sometime soon, okay?"

Sarah nods with excitement, wrapping her little arms around my neck. "Thank you."

Her gentle embrace and the softness of her solemn voice tugs at my heart, making me want to just quit my job so I can stay here to hug her all day.

The bus pulls up, hissing to a stop as the doors sigh, opening with a slight squeak.

"Have a good day, baby," I kiss my fingertips, waving her off as she steps onto her bus, her head scarcely turning to give me a mildly forlorn smile.

Working in construction as I do, I'm never able to take my lunch at Sarah's school. Not only are our lunches at different times, but my jobs are usually over a half an hour away or more. It's a demanding and grueling occupation, but it pays well and allows us to live comfortably; not living paycheck-to-paycheck as we used to.

When my wife passed, I was utterly, wholly gutted. Within a month of us finding out she had cancer, she was gone. It was dreadful knowing she was in pain, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her, and watching her rapidly decline until she drew in her last weak, delicate breath on this earth.

I promised her I'd take care of Sarah, and raise her to be as incredible as she was. Every single fiber in me prays that I'm doing everything exactly as she would've wanted it.

Being alone for the last eight years hasn't been difficult for me by any means. I've gone on a few dates here and there, but never anything that has stuck with me. It's usually just one date and then it's over, never hearing from the woman again, or I never reach out.

Part of me enjoys the wilderness within where my heart lies dried up in the sun. There's no possible way I can ever be left or have my heart broken if I'm alone. I'd be perfectly content with never having a woman again; just me and Sarah until she's old enough to move out and get on with her own life. She may only be nine, but I think about her growing up every day, and how in another nine years, she'll be graduating high school.

Those thoughts always fill me with sheer, all-consuming panic, knowing that she'll be leaving one day, and I'd never prevent her from doing so. All I want is for her to be happy and live the picturesque life she deserves, and she can't do that if I'm already having empty nest syndrome before she's even in the double digits.

On the drive to work, my cell phone begins ringing through the Bluetooth of my truck. My heart stops when I see it’s Sarah’s school, immediately answering the call.

“Hello?” I try to keep my voice steady.

“Hello, Mr. Miller! This is Principal Sanders, and I’m just reaching out to all the parents of students in Mrs. Peters’ class to let them know that unfortunately she won’t be returning to school this year. She’s still out with a broken hip after her fall, and we’re afraid she won’t make a full recovery as soon as we anticipated.”

My pulse settles, relieved Sarah is okay. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I know Sarah loves her, so I’m sure she’ll be sad.”

“Aw, that’s very good to know! We’re having a welcoming party for the new teacher tomorrow at the park right across the street from the school. We thought we’d make it a special occasion to lift the student’s spirits a bit about Mrs. Peters. We’re just doing a little head count to see how much pizza we should order. This isn’t going to be school funded, it’s just some of the staff getting together to welcome her. Are you and Sarah interested in joining?”

I shrug as I keep my eyes fixed on the road. “Sure. I’d like to chip in if you’re accepting donations, or I could even bring some food myself.”

“That’s very nice of you, Mr. Miller. That would be a big help either way.”

“What time? It’s Saturday, so I don’t always work on those days.”

“It’ll be at one o’clock.”

I’ll just make sure I don’t pick up any overtime tomorrow. I usually always try to, just for the extra money, but it would be nice to take a day off and go to the park with Sarah.

“Okay. We’ll be there. I’ll bring two pizzas and maybe a tray of cookies.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Miller. That’s very appreciated. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Mrs. Sanders. See you tomorrow.”

We hang up, my lungs letting out a gentle sigh of relief. I’ve never gotten a random call from Sarah’s school like that except for when she’s sick, and I always seem to be assuming the absolute worst about everything. Truthfully, I think it’s the left over apprehension I feel from my wife’s passing.

***

“Hi, I have a pizza order under Joel,” I say as I look around the pizza shop, the teenager at the register sighing at me.

“Your total is twenty-five dollars even,” the boy replies flatly.

My fingers fish into my wallet, handing him cash as a woman comes up beside him and places my pizzas on the counter. The boy takes my money as I grip the pizzas in my hand, the warmth from the bottom of the box radiating through my palm.

The door to the pizza place dings its bell as I leave, making a b-line for my idling truck that has Sarah in the passenger seat with a tray of cookies on her lap.

“Here, let’s put these on the floor,” I say as I set the pizzas onto the ground beneath her. “Just don’t step on ‘em.”

“Foot pizza doesn’t sound good to me, dad,” she giggles, making me laugh with her. “I’m excited to see my friends!”

“Will Rachel be there today?”

She nods enthusiastically as we head toward the park. “Yeah, she’s supposed to be. Everyone was really excited about it yesterday in class. I know some people couldn’t get their parents to go, though.”

“Well, at least Rachel will be there,” I beam at her before turning my eyes back to the road in front of me.

“And us,” she replies fondly. “I didn’t think we’d be able to go. You always work on Saturdays.”

“I know, but I thought it would be nice to just hang out in the park with you for the day.”

“Thank you,” Sarah says softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.”

Pulling up to the park, I see several children and parents everywhere. It looks like her entire class has shown up, the thought of Sarah being able to see all her friends making me happy for her. I’m really glad I decided to not get that overtime in today. She deserves to have some fun.

Sarah carries the cookie tray as I carry the two pizzas, opting for just cheese and pepperoni. My eyes land on the principal, guiding Sarah towards her with my palm on her shoulder. She’s so ecstatic that she nearly ran away with the damn cookies.

“Hello, Mr. Miller. Sarah,” the principal says warmly. “You can set everything down here,” she gestures to a table.

“Hey, Sarah,” I hear from beside me. “Is this your dad?”

“Yep!” she replies. “This is my dad, Joel!”

After setting the pizza down, I turn with an outstretched hand, my breath being caught in my throat as I take in the appearance of Sarah’s new teacher. She’s absolutely stunning, and my god she looks young. Sarah’s last teacher was easily in her mid-sixties, but this one can’t even be thirty yet.

“Hi, Mr. Miller. I’m Sarah’s new teacher, Ms. Y/l/n, but you can call me y/n.” Her voice is feminine and light, making goosebumps trail across my skin as our palms connect.

“Please, call me Joel,” I reply with a quick lick of my lips.

Sarah toddles away, joining several of her classmates on the playground.

“I’ve only been teaching them for a day, but Sarah is the most well-behaved,” she leans in to whisper. “And no, I haven’t said that to every parent,” y/n giggles.

Her little laugh forces me to join her, my nose being caressed with the scent of her perfume from her standing so close to me.

“Well, I’m glad. She was the easiest child, really.”

“Do you have any others?” she asks, her eyes on mine, completely melting me.

I shift, doing my best to focus on the conversation rather than her effortless beauty. “No,” I smile. “Just her.”

“I’m an only child, too,” y/n grins, her eyes flitting over to the playground briefly before meeting my gaze again.

“I wasn’t lucky enough,” I tease, watching a laugh pass her delicate, rosy lips. “I have an older brother.”

“I always wished to have a sibling, but my parents were never successful when trying again.” Her voice fills with melancholy. “My mom had ovarian cancer, so it was pretty impossible to conceive after me. I was a miracle baby.”

My brows fit together, that familiar anxiety blooming in my chest at the mention of cancer. I place my hand on my sternum, as if I’m trying to catch that feeling and push it down.

“I’m sorry,” is all I can muster out to say. “My late wife passed away from cancer when Sarah was one.”

Why did I say that? I’ve never spoken about her to anyone other than family before, but for some reason, I felt the need to tell y/n.

Her hand reaches out and rests on my bicep. “I’m so sorry,” her gentle eyes soften even further. “My mom died when I was ten, and my father just passed away last year.”

“My god,” I respond with disbelief. “You’re way too young to have lost both of your parents already.”

Y/n’s eyes track to her hand that rests against my arm, quickly removing it as she clears her throat. “Oh, they were older when they had me, but still not old enough to pass away.”

“How old were they, if you don’t mind me asking?”

She smiles. “I don’t mind at all. My mom was only forty-six when she passed, and my dad was older, he was seventy-six.”

“They were a few years apart, then?”

“Sixteen,” y/n laughs awkwardly. “Everybody always finds that so strange, but they didn’t see how in love they were. I never saw them fight once.”

“That’s beautiful, y/n,” I smile warmly at her.

She blinks up at me, tucking her gorgeous hair behind her ear as her body shifts. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so depressing.”

“No,” I laugh lightly, shaking my head. “You didn’t. It’s life.”

Her lips spread with that breathtaking grin, my eyes all over her face before a voice rips me from my waking dreaming at her parted mouth.

“Hi, Ms. Y/l/n! This is my mom,” the little boy turns to his mother. “Can I go play now?”

The woman laughs, nodding.

The boy dashes away, joining the rest of the kids on the playground. My head bobs around a bit, looking for Sarah until I finally spot her, seeing her go down the slide with a vast grin on her face. I smile fondly at her, feeling guilty that I was so caught up in a conversation with her teacher, that I forgot to check on her.

Y/n and the mother of the little boy begin chatting, so I quietly make an exit, sitting down at one of the picnic tables with a full bottle of water in front of me.

My fingers twist the plastic top open, the crack of the seal popping as I press the bottle to my lips, tossing it back for a drink. I can’t help but gaze at y/n, taking in her figure with complete admiration. She’s wearing a yellow sundress that comes down to her knees, pairing it with a white cardigan over the straps. Her feet are donned in ivory flats that match the unnecessary cardigan she has on her arms.

It’s Texas, and it’s hot as hell out here. Maybe I’m being a bit of a pervert, though. Her skin is absolutely flawless in every sense of the word, and I just want to see more of it. I haven’t been this taken back by a woman since I first met my wife. That thought consumes my chest with guilt, a sharp pang internally piercing my abdomen.

My hand grips my stomach through my shirt, the tips of my fingers digging into the fabric. My wife had told me that she wants me to move on once she passes, and I’ve tried, but I haven’t found anybody. I haven’t even slept with anyone since her, only a few dates here and there that didn’t even end up with a kiss.

“Joel?” a voice interrupts my racing thoughts. “Are you okay?”

I look up to meet the eyes of y/n, soft and vast with concern. “Yes,” I answer quickly. “Just a little light headed. I think I need to eat.”

Her gaze loses a bit of its scrutiny. “Let me grab you some pizza or something. Do you have low blood sugar?”

I laugh. “No, I don’t.”

Y/n briefly leaves, returning with two slices of meat lover’s pizza on a paper plate. “You seem like a meat guy.”

“I am, actually,” a laugh pushes past my lips, my anxiety slowly easing away as I grab the plate of food, taking a bite. “Thank you.”

She sits adjacent from me, a piece of pizza in front of her as well. “You’re getting some color to your face again,” she chuckles.

“Did you really think I was so old that I had diabetes?”

Y/n laughs loudly, her head thrown back, exposing her kissable throat. “Diabetes isn’t always an old person thing, Joel. You could have type one, which you could be born with.”

“You didn’t really answer my question,” I tease.

Her cheeks flush with a hint of maroon, a satisfied smile spreading onto my own face. “No, I don’t think you’re old.”

“God, I feel it. I’ll be forty-one this year, Sarah will be ten. It’s crazy.”

“I’ll be twenty-five, and I’d like to complain about how I feel old, but I feel like you’d just judge me,” she beams vastly.

“I’d never judge you,” I say gently. “I was the most scared of turning thirty, though. It was like I should’ve been planning my retirement already.”

Y/n laughs heartily. “That’s how I feel now. I only just finished college a year ago, and I’m already a teacher. When will I need to plan my retirement?”

I chuckle. “Not for a long time.” My eyes flick between hers, “What made you want to be a teacher?”

A fond smile parts her lips. “My mom was a fourth grade teacher, and I wanted to be just like her.”

“She’d be proud of you,” I say before even thinking. “Sorry,” I instantly apologize, shaking my head. “It just came out.”

“No,” she beams wide. “Don’t apologize. You’re very kind, Joel.”

“Hey, there you are,” a deep voice echoes throughout the shaded gazebo.

An attractive, tall man saunters over to y/n, giving her a quick peck on the cheek that she awkwardly leans towards him for.

“Oh, hi. Joel, this is my fiancé, Sam. Sam, this is one of my student’s parents, Joel,” y/n says with her delicate voice that reminds me of wispy summer clouds.

“Nice to meet you,” Sam nods as he shakes my hand, sitting down beside y/n.

I can’t help but feel disappointed by the fact that she isn’t single, not like I had a chance anyway. Her fiancé does seem to be older though, appearing closer to my age than to hers. He has brown hair with a red tint to it, and bright blue eyes that pin you into place. It’s not hard to miss his light Scottish accent, or his incredibly toned physique. If this is her type, I definitely never had a chance.

“Oh, fiancé,” I say nonchalantly. “Congratulations.”

Y/n shifts as Sam wraps his arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss against her temple. “Thank you,” she says, but not without a hint of disdain in her tone.

“I’ve been trying to urge her to start planning the wedding, but it’s been a year since I proposed and still nothing,” he says humorously.

“And I’ve been focusing on my career,” y/n replies sharply, but with a clear faux smile on her face. “So, I haven’t had time for much else.”

“Hire someone,” Sam says through gritted teeth. “It isn’t difficult, darling.”

My head moves around the incredibly uncomfortable situation in front of me, spotting Sarah on the swings beside Rachel. Part of me wishes there was some sort of excuse I could use to leave this picnic table, but I’m afraid I’m glued here against my will.

“Ms. Y/l/n?” a student comes up beside her, “I brought these for you.” The girl hands her a bouquet of flowers, y/n’s entire face lighting up.

“Oh, my goodness, Felicity! Thank you so much!” She places her nose against one of the roses. “I love roses. They’re my favorite.”

The girl bashfully giggles as she walks away, the mother coming up to speak to y/n.

“She insisted on getting you flowers,” the mother gushes with enthusiasm. “I’m happy to see the kids love you so much after your first day. Clearly you’re a wonderful replacement.”

“Oh, thank you so much. I didn’t feel like I did anything special, but I’m glad they like me. They’re all so amazing.”

The mom smiles fondly as she walks away towards the pizza table, grabbing herself some food.

I honestly feel guilty that we didn’t bring anything specifically for y/n. The thought didn’t even cross my mind, and now I know I have to make up for it. Perhaps I could send Sarah to school on Monday with something special for her. Would that come off as creepy, though? That’s the last thing I want to do, is freak her out.

Sam stands up and walks away, adding some fruit onto a plate from one of the platters.

“I’m really sorry you had to witness that,” y/n says quietly. “I specifically asked him not to come.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I understand,” I smile politely. “He seems like a nice guy.”

Her eyes wander over to him, a forlorn expression spreading onto her perfect face. “Yeah.”

I catch a glimpse of Sarah running past me, completely sweaty as she dives her arm into the cooler to fish out a bottle of water for herself. Her eyes meet mine and she gives me an excited wave as she chugs her drink. I wave back with a small laugh, watching as she tosses the empty bottle out and runs back to the playground with her friends.

“She adores you,” y/n says softly. “Everybody introduced themselves in class yesterday, and she talked about you.”

A warmth spreads in my chest. “Really? What did she say?”

“She just said that your name is Joel, you work in construction, and that you’re the best dad in the world.”

My cheeks ache as I smile, laughing slightly. “I love that kid so damn much.”

“I can tell,” y/n replies with a vast grin. “She’s a lucky girl.”

“Please, I’m the lucky one. When I told you she was an easy kid, I meant it. I’ve had to raise her alone for the last eight years, and it’s almost like she knew I was a single parent. She never made anything difficult for me,” I laugh, “well, until recently. Her growth spurts have made her so tired and now it’s almost impossible to get her out of bed for school.”

Y/n laughs, the sound being music to my ears. “Oh, god, I don’t blame her. I’m the same way and I’m done growing.”

Our laughter mixes together, being cut off by Sam’s sudden presence again. He plops down his plate of fruit, only having one piece of pizza beside it.

“Did I miss something?” he asks with an arched brow and a grin.

“No,” y/n shakes her head. “Just saying it’s hard to get me out of bed in the morning.”

“Oh, I have my ways,” he says suggestively.

My brows raise as I shift uncomfortably on the bench.

Y/n slaps his arm as she scowls at him. “Jesus, Sam, this is my job. There’s kids here, can you please be quiet?”

“Oh, come on, they’re all the way over there. They can’t hear me.”

“The parents can,” she continues to scold. “Please.”

“Only Joel can hear me, and I don’t think he minds,” Sam looks pointedly at me.

“Oh,” I flick my eyes between them. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“See?” he beams. “Relax, darling. This new job has you all uptight.”

Y/n crosses her arms, looking anywhere but at the man beside her. It’s honestly making me uneasy to be around them any longer, so I decide to stand, excusing myself to use the bathroom.

As the sun greets my skin, I let out a sigh of relief, a million different thoughts running through my mind right now. Almost all of them are focused on y/n, wondering if I’ll ever see her again in person after today. What possible excuse could there be for me seeing her? She’s Sarah’s teacher, and there’s no logical, normal way to see her outside of school unless I asked her out, but she’s already with somebody.

It’s hard to hide my disappointment at that fact, but truthfully I think she’s out of my league, even if she apparently is interested in older men. Sam and I are polar opposites in all the worst ways. He’s toned and ripped with colored eyes and hair, while I have the softened dad bod with shaggy hair that’s dark brown mixed with a bit of gray, and normal, non-alluring brown eyes. If there were ever a man to compete against for a woman’s affection, it isn’t him. He would win every single time.

I’ve never gone for a woman who’s more than five years younger than me, and y/n is sixteen years younger than me. I’m reminded of the story she told about her parents, and the fact that they were sixteen years apart. She spoke so fondly of them, that clearly she would never have an issue with being someone my age.

God, who am I kidding? She’s engaged and far too stunning for me. I need to quit my daydreaming now before I end up in a fictional spiral about a woman I barely know.

As I leave the humid bathroom, I see Sarah over at the playground, running around in the sand barefoot with Rachel and another girl chasing her. I make my way over, placing my hands on my hips as I watch her sprint away.

“Playing tag?” I ask, Sarah not even looking at me for a second.

“Yep!” she answers quickly. “Don’t distract me!”

Laughing, I walk away, heading towards the table that I’m dreading to sit at again. To my relief, y/n is alone, gazing down in her lap as I sit across from her again.

“Where’s Sam?” I ask her, looking around.

“Oh,” her eyes meet mine, “he’s on a call for work.”

“What does he do?”

“Physical therapy,” she shrugs. “Boring.”

I laugh. “Not nearly as boring as construction.”

“Please,” she scoffs, “I’d much rather hear your work stories than his, I’m sure. He just tells me how he gropes women all day,” y/n laughs.

“Professionally gropes,” I jokingly correct her, resulting in an effortless giggle. “At the end of the day, he comes home smelling a lot better than me, I promise you.”

She chuckles, gazing at me. “Thank you for talking to me so much, Joel. I was nervous I’d be lonely at this thing.”

“You’re very easy to talk to, y/n, you don’t have to thank me.”

There’s a moment where we sit silently, just looking at each other, and I’m wondering if she feels the same spark between us as I do.

“Okay,” Sam’s voice causes me to jump slightly, “sorry about that, I was just answering a client’s questions about what exercises they can do at home.”

I nod. “No worries. Physical therapy sounds like an interesting job,” I smile, y/n giving me a dramatic eye roll.

“Thank you!” he answers loudly, looking over to y/n. “See? I told you it’s not boring.

There’s a light thump beside me on the picnic table, seeing a sweaty, panting Sarah beside me. “Daddy, I’m tired. Can we leave?”

I chuckle, nodding. “We can leave whenever you want.”

“It’s too hot out.”

“Then we can leave.”

Sarah smiles up at me, turning to look at Sam and y/n. “Who are you?” she asks curiously.

“I’m Sam, Ms. Y/l/n’s fiancé.”

“Fiancé?” Sarah looks to me. “That’s before marriage, right?”

I laugh, nodding. “Yes.”

“Well, that’s good. She’s a very nice lady.”

Y/n laughs, shaking her head. “Thank you, Sarah.”

I stand off the bench, Sarah standing with me. “It was lovely meeting you, y/n. And Sam,” I nod.

Y/n stands, shaking my hand. “Thank you for coming, Joel, and for staying to talk for so long.”

“Of course,” I smile. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too.”

Sarah and I walk back to the truck, my mind reeling with everything y/n and I spoke about. I’ve decided that there’s nothing stopping me from seeing that beautiful woman again, even if I have to call off work just to stop by the school. I’ve been meaning to just to spend lunch with Sarah, anyway, and now I can see her and y/n at the same time.

I need to see her again.

****

#pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fic #smut #yn fanfic #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #joel miller #joel miller fic #tlou fic #tlou smut

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harrysmimi · 2 years

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Lovely

Chapter 14: Jealousy Is A Disease

Series Master list

More of my work

YN wakes up everyday at five-thirty as if she is on autopilot.

She didn't felt Hebe jumping on her and cuddly her until she is out of her sleep. It took YN a few moments to realise she is with her dad at his place.

She felt like something heavy is being kept on her chest. She found it hard to breathe all of sudden, and now she was crying. She have never left Hebe like that for an entire day and entire night away from her. She didn't even bother to change out of her PJs or even put on her slippers before she rushed to Harry's next door. She run the bell two times impatiently.

She swore she heard her heart break inside her chest as she heard Hebe's crying and whining. Harry opened the door quickly.

"Thank god you're here. She started crying as soon as she woke up asking for you." Harry panicked a tiny bit.

YN's own eyes pooled up with tears watching her princess's eyes watery. Hebe always woke up next to her Mummy or just got to go up to her room in the middle of the night or in the morning. The little girl looked almost traumatised not finding her Mummy after she woke up from good night's sleep, she was quick to jump into her Mummy's arms and cling onto her tightly. As if her life depends on solely her Mummy.

It broke Harry's heart to see Hebe like that too. It stung even worse seeing YN like that. She still had her PJs on, she was barefoot, her hair was all messy. Only effort put into her look was her pair of round glasses on the bridge of her nose, her tired face said it all, she just rolled out of her bed. She wrapped Hebe up in her baby blanket quickly. Harry was surprised to see her calming down almost instantly, maybe she fell back asleep.

"It's cold out side YN, please come on in." Harry suggested slipping to a side so YN can get in and she did. He shut the door behind him. Watched her marching back and forth in his living room, whispering assuring words to their little baby girl. He didn't quite understand what she was saying but YN was shushing Hebe down in the most gentle day. He watched as Hebe lift her head up to make sure it was her Mummy holding and went back to sleep again.

"I am so sorry, she is not used to being away from me." YN said, her voice was no louder than a whisper and she bounced the little girl wrapped up in her Spiderman blanket, her small legs wrapped around her Mummy's middle and she clung onto her for dear life but yet looked so peaceful and at home. YN didn't looked any better than Hebe, she held onto the little the same way she was clung onto her. She had her own tears flowing down her cheeks. It was very hard for Harry to get her to go to bed last night. He had to walk on the beach for an hour with her in his arm, he haven't slept the whole night because Hebe kept tossing and turning and kicking and punching him everywhere. She woke up in the middle of the night, she needed water but she went back to sleep quickly. He was not complaining but it was just so new to him.

The house got very quiet as Hebe's soft snores took over the silence tiny bit. YN sighed in relief.

"It's alright darling. She had a very long night too." Harry explained everything what happened.

YN felt so bad for leaving her alone here. Even if she was with Harry. She wasn't used to being away from her Mummy for that long. YN knew she herself had a tiny amount of separation anxiety when it comes to her daughter but she didn't know it was reciprocated by Hebe.

"You can just relax here I'll go and make something for us for breakfast yeah?" Harry offered.

"Uhh... Thank you, Harry. But I just got out of bed, I think I'll take her back now. If that's fine with you." YN said.

"Of course you can take her, you said you'd take her in morning." He agreed. "Are we still up for today's day out?"

"If she wants to go then I won't be saying no. I'll let you know."

"Okay." He nodded.

YN took Hebe back to hers. She luckily was well rested and not grumpy. She wanted to sleep more so YN put her down in her bed and got ready for the day herself.

Harry was happy that Hebe still wanted to go out to this trampoline park thing his friend once told him about, apparently his friend took his kids there often and they enjoy it so much there he thinks Hebe might enjoy playing there too. YN was hesitant to tag along but she did. It was their little family date for Harry.

They first went to eat lunch. It was a day solely for Hebe so they ate what she wanted. She asked for chocolate cake, her usual favourite thing. The place they were at also had YN's favourite chocolate and hazelnut doughnuts, so Harry made sure to get those for both of them.

"Here you go princess." He placed a small plate with a slice of chocolate cake in front of Hebe. She squealed a little Thank you! making Harry chuckle in awe. "Of course lovely."

He glanced at YN, staring at the little girl with tender eyes. The love she have for this girl was almost unbelievable for Harry, it made him soft to see the way YN took care of their daughter. He hated that she doubts herself as a mother when she's perfect mother for their baby girl. Hebe always came first for YN, even before her own self, Harry understood that.

"I got you a doughnut." He sat down and slid a plate towards YN with her favourite doughnut. She finally turned to look at him.

"You didn't had to." Her face lit up with a huge smile. It's still her favourite, Harry reckoned.

"But I wanted to." He insisted.

Hebe asked for some of her Mummy's doughnut, who would of course never say no to her. Harry laughed watching her struggle to take a bite of the Doughnut. A bit of chocolate glace was now dotted on her tiny nose as she chewed on the fried dough.

"You look like a little mousie!" YN cooed, she took a tissue and wiped off the girlie's nose.

"She's going to be hyper now." Harry pointed out, she's had a lot of sugar now.

"Don't worry she is used to her." YN assured him.

YN never thought it was right to stop Hebe from eating anything, well, not too much, nothing is bad in moderation. She can't remember her own mother stopping her from eating or drinking sugary stuff growing up she remembers she'd take a few sips from her Mummy's coffee when she was Hebe's age. Nor she saw any of her friends' parents stopping her.

She found it weird when she moved to US with her mother and people would talk about portion sizes. Which is a good thing. But it was never a norm for YN. It was yet another debatable topic. But she knows what is too much for Hebe and she does stop her before she is over indulging herself into something.

"Sugar does not make you hyper actually." YN stated.

Harry is going to make sure to google that later. She isn't going to explain it to him now, he knows that. He have to trust her with this, YN was always into nerdy stuff and doing her research for everything thoroughly. He reckoned she have done her research. She is Hebe's mother and she knows her more than he knows. So he doesn't see a point in talking about this topic now.

And she was proven right once they got to the trampoline park. Hebe was nor hyper or too low on energy. She was just herself. But she eventually got tired. Harry was jealous how she was able to make friends so easily at her age. She made two friends at the park whom she played with as well. She is also very much only bonded with her Mummy, which is kind of obviously. She spent first two years of her existence just with her Mum.

Hebe wanted some fries but she fell asleep in car. So YN just drove back home.

"I had a really fun day today." Harry spoke breaking the comfortable silence.

"Yeah, I think she had a fun day too. She's passed out back there." YN smiled glancing at Hebe in the back view mirror. She was dragging Harry every where, making him jump on the trampoline with her or he was just running after her making sure she doesn't hurt herself.

"Didn't you had fun?" He asked, his eyes trailing softly on her tired features, her glasses resting a little lower on the bridge of her nose than usual. The corner of her lips tugged up into very tiny smile.

"Yeah." She shrugged.

The drive back home was a little longer, traffic was very bad.

"I was thinking we should tell her." YN said once she stopped her car at a red light.

"Tell her what?" Harry asked, he knew what she was talking about but he wanted to hear it from her. He wanted to hear her say.

"That you're her dad." She said, "I don't know how that works or if she'd be able to understand it but I guess—" she paused trying to find right words.

"I guess trying won't hurt if you're fine with it." She added quickly.

"You think so?" He beamed. Honestly, he couldn't wait to hear Hebe call him her father already.

"Hmm!" She nodded.

"I am more than fine with it." He was so happy.

......................................................................

It's been a few days since their trampoline park trip. YN was trying to tell Hebe that she have another parent. She was taking it very slow. Reading a bunch of articles and stuff about it. She didn't wanted to overwhelm her little princess with this information. Today YN was home in afternoon so Hebe and her decided to make some cookies. Even Macy was there.

Macy was sat on the counter by the stand mixer whilst Hebe was stood on her little pink kitchen ladder.

"Can Macy do it Mummy?" Hebe asked handing her Mum the little bowl of mini marshmallows.

"Of course. Do you want to Macy?" YN asked. The little blue eyed girl grinned nodded in yes. YN handed her blow, she tipped it over in the mixer bowl. "Good job, Macy!"

"Thank you!" She smiled shyly.

"You are so adorable!" YN chuckled and kissed Macy's forehead. Hebe was smiling showing off her dimples.

They helped YN put the dough on the baking sheet. And she put it in oven now they just have to wait. But Macy's dad came to pick her up now as he was done with his work, they were going out.

"I promise Hebe and I will bring you the cookies you made, once your home, yeah?" YN said to the girl as she walked her to the door.

"Yes, we bwing cookies to you Macy!" Hebe assured her friends.

"Okay! Bye YN, bye Bebe!" Macy squeaked happily. She waved YN and Hebe bye and she ran off to her father.

"Bye!" Hebe waved back.

"Hebe? What you wanna do princess?" YN asked.

"We go see Bestie?" She asked. This was the first time she have asked to visit Harry without YN reminding her or Harry coming to see her.

"You want to?" YN asked.

"Yes!" She said, "we- we twake cookies fo' him? Pwease?"

"Why not! But we will have to wait till they are baked, Okay?" YN said.

"Yes!" Hebe agreed.

"Can Mummy talk to you for a minute or you want to go play?" YN asked.

"Mhmm!" Hebe nodded again. She hopped her way to their living room and climbed up on the sofa making herself comfy.

YN thought of a second again how she should tell her about this. She could give her an example to make it easy. Her friend who have her dad around. She knew about Macy's dad but she didn't know about her mother, it would make it confusing for her.

Wait, she have another friend. Hebe have so many friends it was hard to keep track of.

"You want to sit on Mummy's lap?" YN offered. Hebe didn't not hesitated but she hopped on her Mummy's lap, making herself comfy, all snuggled up in her chest. YN loved winters because Hebe liked to cuddle and it was getting a little colder.

"You know your friend Aria? You remember him?" YN asked. Aria was Hebe's yet another friend, but they didn't played together that often, YN hopes she remembers her friend.

"Mhmm! We Pway togetha'." Hebe nodded.

"Yes, you play together." YN wrapped her arms around her princess. "You know, he have his two parents right?"

YN hopes she doesn't fuck this up. She was so nervous her heart was racing like a horse on an open meadow.

"Two!" Hebe held out two of her chubby fingers saying she understands. At least YN hopes she does.

"Yes two!" YN held her hand. Hebe wrapped her tiny fingers around her Mummy's index finger holding it back.

"He have his Mummy. But he also his Papa, you know that right? Mr. Carter?" YN asked. And the girl nodded again.

"Like Aria have his Mummy and Papa. You have your Mummy and Papa too." YN said.

"I have Mummy!" Hebe smiled.

"Yes you do have your Mummy. But you have your Papa too, you know?" YN said, her voice holding an exciting undertone to make it less confusing for the girl. YN got more nervous when Hebe looked at her with a confused face.

"Papa?" She asked.

"Yes!" YN nodded. She was going to speak more about it but the timer on her phone went off. "Let's take the cookies out before they burn down. I'll tell you more after, okay?"

"Yes! COOKIES!" Hebe hopped down and ran to the kitchen. She stood a few steps away from the oven as her Mummy took out the cookies.

"Can I see?" Hebe said already pulling out her ladder from a corner. She smiled looking at the sweet goodness she baked with her Mummy and best friend.

"Uh-huh! It's hot, don't touch it." YN stopped her as Hebe's chubby pointer finger was reaching out to touch the melted chocolate chip. "Let's get you changed, yeah? We can go see your Bestie."

"Yay!" Hebe celebrated. YN let her go on out as she took out another baking sheet from the oven. They made enough of everyone. YN went to Hebe's room she was already digging through her dress cabinet. She picked out her blue dress with little penguins printed on the skirt part.

"I wear this, pwease?" She asked.

"Of course!" YN smiled. It was her favourite dress. It already have a tomato sauce stain and chocolate stain on it, Hebe never wants to get rid of it.

"You want to wear a sweater? It's a little chilly isn't it?" YN suggested fishing for her cardigan. It was very adorable Versace cardigan made for Hebe. It was sent to her on her second birthday by Donatella Versace herself- yeah! YN was glad Hebe was able to make friends unlike herself. She made friends everywhere she went. That cardigan is only designer item Hebe have.

"Yes!" Hebe nodded. YN helped her change and put on the cardigan. Even slid a pair of fluffy socks on her tiny feet. And she was good to go.

YN packed a few cookies in a Tupperware container and they went out to Harry's. YN knocked on his door as Hebe was holding the Tupperware. Harry gasped seeing the girls at his place.

"We 'ave cookies!" Hebe lifted the container over her head as she announced, and slipped past him inside.

"She wanted to see you and we made cookies." YN said.

"Didn't you wanted to see me?" He asked leaning on the door frame. YN did not gave any reaction on it.

"Can I come in? I was telling her about you but I didn't quite understand how to. Maybe if you'll be there, it'll be a little easier." She explained.

"Please come in! I love hanging out with you as well!" He moved aside gesturing her in like a gentleman he is.

"Mummy can I eat a cookie pwease?" Hebe asked.

"We made it for you to eat it, didn't we? Of course you can eat them." YN said.

"You want a glass of milk to go with it princess? You love to eat your cookies with milk don't you?" Harry offered already walking to his kitchen. YN was surprised how he knew that. Maybe Hebe told him when she was with him.

"Yes pwease!" Hebe said. Harry came back with a mug of milk for Hebe.

"Should we sit on the rug Hebe, yeah?" YN asked. She'd get crumbs all over Harry's sofa.

"It's okay, the floor is a little cold and the rug is very thin and not comfortable." Harry said. "Don't worry baby. I'll clean it up if she drops anything."

YN's head shot up at him at the nickname. Harry realised what he said and mouthed a sorry with a silly smile spreading over his pretty features.

"You wan' one?" She offered Harry her half eaten cookie.

"Oh, thank you!" Harry didn't seem to mind it. Hebe placed the cookie on his hand. Her hair was in the way, YN pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail with a scrunchy which he had on her hand, and pushed her bangs away from her pretty green eyes.

"You look really gorgeous today!" Harry said. It was directed towards YN but she was too oblivious of the comment. She was wearing her Indian traditional clothes today and she looked absolutely gorgeous to him.

"Hebe? What do you say?" YN said thinking Harry commented on their daughter looking gorgeous.

"It, I said it for you. But you look really gorgeous too princess!" Harry said, "I love your little dress, and your pretty pink socks."

"Thank you!" Hebe grinned. She wiggled her sock covered toes showing off her mini mouse socks. YN looked awkward. She was trying hard not to blush but the pink tint on over her face reaching up to her ears was enough for Harry. Hebe was sitting on him, he was holding the mug of milk for her. He leaned on his side waiting for YN to say something first.

"Hebe, you remember you and Mummy were talking about something before?" YN brought up the topic.

"Mhmm!" Hebe nodded picking out the marshmallow from her cookie, she's been eating the same one for a few minutes now. She eats like a bird, very slow.

"I was talking about how you have your Papa like your friend Aria does..." YN said, Hebe looked at her Mummy carefully. Harry was looking back and forth between the two beautiful ladies sitting next to him curiously. Was Hebe going to believe to he is her dad? She is just two and half years old, is she going to be understand it? She looked very much invested in what her Mummy have to say.

"Well—" YN glanced at Harry for a beat. "Your Bestie is you Papa." She just said it. She didn't know how to twist the words to make it more understandable for her.

"Weally?" Hebe asked.

Wait... None of her parents were expecting that reaction from her. She glanced at Harry once before looking back at her Mummy.

"Aria call'is Papa, Dadda, I call Bestie that?"

Harry's heart was racing super fast! He wasn't expecting that from Hebe. He wasn't expecting many questions either considering she's just two. But she could have full blown conversations, there is a possibility that she'd start asking her questions. Tiny, toddler humans are always going to be unpredictable for him.

"Why don't you ask him that?" YN smiled, looking at the little green eyed girl with her usual tender eyes. Harry admired her so much for raising Hebe so well, and not to mention she is so fucking gorgeous, he'd literally simp for her and wouldn't even hesitate to admit if he have to. He tore his eyes away from her immediately once she looked at him. Hebe turned her head to look at him.

"You not my Bestie?" She asked, her eyes rounding out as her fluffy cheeks puffed up tiny bit.

"I am your bestie, yeah." Harry nodded.

"I call you Dadda?" She asked her next question.

"Yes!" He nodded with his eyes pooling up with tears, "you can call me that."

It was such a weird feeling! She was finally addressing him as her father. His heart felt so full it was sore. He felt lost at words he couldn't even process how it felt to hear his daughter call him Dadda!

YN studied him. She understood how it feels. When Hebe called her Mumma for the first time, she was a crying wreck! It was such a new thing and it was unexplainable but it felt so surreal. She can understand how happy he must feel at the moment, and how it is going to take a while to get used to that. Her heart melted at seeing his eyes water up. As much as she liked to deny to everyone but herself that she really did imagined how things would be if they were together since before she was born. This was going to be so different for all three of them. They were a little family but they weren't together. YN worried how Hebe is going to be able to jumble back and forth between two households really. How she, herself is going to be able to stay away from her for every other week.

YN still have very strong feelings for Harry. It was even harder to keep them to where they are now that Harry is around so much! But he have hurt her really bad, he did not trusted her, she never wants to be someone who does not trust her. She was hurting herself more than she was hurting him. She have tried her best to move on, like he have even though he claims that he is still in love with her, he have moved clearly. Or at least that's how it appears to her at least. She have to co-parent with him, she have to deal with him for the rest of her life now. That is going to make it really even more harder for her move on and have her own life aside from being a mother.

"Right YN?" Harry's voice brought her out of her thoughts, she completely blanked out. Hebe had finished her cookie and the glass of milk as well.

"Sorry, what?" YN asked.

"We gon' to beach, you wan' to come?" Hebe asked.

"Am I allowed to?" YN smiled.

"'course Mummy!" Hebe cooed acting like her. She stood up and held YN's face in between her tiny chubby hands and planted a kiss on her lips. "You can go wif us!"

YN laughed at her antiques. "Dadda said we can go eat chocowate cake after!" She announced happily.

"Yeah, did he now?" YN fixed Hebe's cardigan.

"Yes!" She nodded. "'m gon' have two— two cake!" She held out her three fingers instead of two.

"That's three." YN said folding her one finger gently in her palm, "that's two."

"Yes! Two!" She grinned kissing her Mummy's cheek. Now she is just buttering YN, Harry noticed that and so did YN. He laughed seeing her interacting with her Mummy like that.

"We're going to eat just one. You already had cookies right?" YN said.

"No!"

"Yes!" YN nodded. Hebe looked at Harry with puppy face.

"Don't look at me like that!" He sighed, "I can't convince your Mummy but we can go out secretly."

"Hey! Don't spoil her like that!" YN scolded him.

"I said we can go out secretly to park, no extra chocolate cake." Harry said.

"Hmm, sure!" YN nodded suspiciously.

"We go to beach now? Pwease?" Hebe asked.

They went to play on the beach. Hebe was just running around by the sand. It was too cold to go in the water. It was fun. Even YN some times played with her daughter in sand. It was fun okay! They made a little sand castle there but went back in when the sun was setting. Hebe was still getting used to calling Harry her dad but it was fine, Harry was fine. She is just two, he doesn't expect her to accept him as her father right away really. She is learning he have to be patient with her. It was a Friday so Hebe was going to be with Harry that night. YN didn't know what she was going to do tonight all alone, well she knows what she is going to be doing. YN have offered to go out on a friendly dinner with Andrew, she felt so bad for him. He was nice enough to accept her offer, but YN completely forgot about it.

YN had to heard a very long lecture from her best friends when she told them what happened that night. Both, Samantha and Camryn were trying to get her to go out seeing how miserable she is when she's not around Hebe. She needs someone in her life everyone, as out dated at it sounded it was true, YN felt that way too. But she was too scared to go out date anyone again.

"Age has always been a factor for you YN! Andrew is barely an year older than you! Just fucking take up his offer for a date!" Camryn's voice still rings through her head. She was right though. Andrew did proved YN wrong that people as old as her are as dumb and stupid as her own self. He isn't like other, he's super supportive as a friend and very nice to her.

Maybe her friends are right. But she was still so much in love with the guy who was an asshole to her, ghosted her and their daughter. It felt wrong to even try to be with someone knowing she wouldn't be able to reciprocate the feelings for the other person. Andrew doesn't deserve that, no one does. She needs to get over Harry and wait for to fall out of love with him. She was trying her best but she wasn't making progress she was getting deeper and deeper into hurting herself like that. Instead of getting out of the bog she was sinking in deeper and deeper. She wouldn't want to use anyone to get her out of her shit when she knows there might be a possibility of her never being able to get out of it.

YN was just going to leave when Harry stopped her.

"YN? Are free tonight? I was thinking we all go out for dinner together. Hebe would like that too." Okay, that last sentence was an excuse he wanted her to tag along to dinner with Hebe.

"I am sorry, I'm a little busy tonight. Maybe next time, she will understand that." YN said, "please don't let her eat two chocolate cakes though and make sure she goes to bed on time."

"Do you have work on friday night?" He asked.

"No..." She trailed off.

"Then why don't you want to spend time with us?" He asked.

"I am going out Harry." She told him.

That was like a hard slap across Harry's face! She's going out? She is going on a date?!

"Wait, you're going on a date?" He asked.

"What does it have to do with you Harry?" She asked putting on her shoes after biding bye to her daughter.

"Nothing," He shook his head.

"I am not dating anyone and I told you to not be phased by it. It have nothing to do with you." YN said. She said it to somewhat put him at ease, her subconscious is to blamed for this, she really didn't had the need to tell him anything about her dating life. But seeing the hurt look on his face was a dagger being stabbed into her heart.

"Hmm!" He nodded.

......................................................................

YN made sure to take Macy her cookies. She didn't wanted the little girlie to be disappointed later. She was so happy to get her cookies, she even said she is going to share with her dad and mom with was sweet and adorable.

YN went back home and put on some makeup (apparently being a mother came with sleepless nights and under eye bags and dark circles, no one warned her about it), and waited for Andrew as he said he'd pick her up from her place. He was stuck in traffic but they made it to the restaurant after he picked her pick. They had a great time together, as friends of course, he was nice enough to understand YN. His subtle flirting never went unnoticed by YN though. He suggested they go on a walk to this ice-cream place down the street from the restaurant.

Andrew wasn't subtle enough when he slid his hand in hers. YN didn't seem to mind it, she was quite starting to like the idea, she doesn't know what idea but she was starting to like it. Instead of letting him lace their their fingers together, she wrapped her own around his palm. YN saw him smiling— no, grinning like an idiot from the corner of her eyes.

"You look really pretty tonight." He said tilting his head to a side as if he is telling her a secret.

"Thanks." YN blushed. She was actually blushing. Who wouldn't when they're complimented?

Andrew went ahead and got the ice-cream as YN paid for the dinner herself. YN saw an extra small cup of ice-cream in his hand.

"I got Hebe one too." He smiled sweetly.

"Oh, she's at her father's, but she can eat it tomorrow. Thank you." YN smiled back. Hebe is so loved by everyone, it made YN so happy!

"Oh that's why she didn't tag along." Andrew chuckled remembering her antiques.

"Yeah, or she'd be asking for her chocowate cake." YN giggled. It was mystery why Hebe loved chocolate cake so much, maybe because that's all YN craved and ate when she was pregnant with her? Does it work like that? But anyway, it was adorable!

YN's phone started ringing, it was from Harry.

"Can I take this?" YN asked.

"Of course!" Andrew nodded

"I am sorry." YN picked up her phone from the table. It was Hebe, she was asking for her Mummy to come back to her. This is the second time she's done this, she for some reason doesn't want to spend the night at her dad's. YN told her she will come and get her in a few minutes and hung up.

"Is she okay?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah. She doesn't want to be at her dad's for the night." YN explained, "we should go before she starts crying."

"Yeah, let's go."

Andrew drove YN back to her place. YN had some stuff she picked up from office to work, it was last moment trip back to office Andrew told her about. She went in and dropped the stuff on the coffee table real quick.

"Thank you so much for driving me back home." YN said. She at a little ease when Harry texted her telling her that they went on a and she's a little fine so YN wouldn't hurry. Harry didn't knew if YN took her car he didn't wanted her to hurry in panic for Hebe, he said. YN was able to see off Andrew and not run off to get her daughter and appear to be rude. Andrew wouldn't find it rude YN knows, but it was just in her mind.

"Of course." Andrew smiled, placing the little box with a few files on her coffee table. She walked him out as he told her to just go through them when she's free and they can get all the work done slowly. YN had to go through a lot of legal process with each thing her corporation launched, it was a little frustrating at times. And YN panicked every time when the work goes slow and not at the pace she wants it to go.

"Yeah! I will not panic don't worry!" YN sighed with a smile assuring him. YN had to cancel her plans to go to India as she got last minute music video project so she was going to be working from home for a month before she have to start working on the project. It was very confusing but it made sense in her schedule. He went in for a good-bye hug, YN of course hugged him back.

"Good, so I'll see you tomorrow?" Andrew asked, still holding her in a hug. They had to go and look at samples of new products from YN's make-up line.

"Yeah!" YN nodded again. He pulled apart enough to look at her. It was hard to be with someone almost seven days every week for hours and wor

YN hitched when out of nowhere, Andrew just kissed her. On her lips! YN almost felt bad for feeling... feeling relaxed? Yeah, she almost melted feeling his arm still wrapped around her waist, but he was quick to pull away.

"I, I am so sorry!" He breathed out like he's just murdered her pet hamster and he was scared. "I, I should have—"

YN didn't know what got into her, she cut him off by placing her lips right back on his. Was she getting flashbacks? Yeah! Does she care? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Why does she feel stupid to have someone finally hold her like this in two years? Why does it feel so wrong and so right at the same time?

Andrew didn't let their kiss heat up, he pulled back. His hand resting on her jaw as he tucked her hair behind her ear. His body stiffened watching her eyes tearing up.

"Hey, hey don't cry please! I am sorry, I should have asked. I am so sorry!" He ranted, "don't— oh!" He was surprised when YN wrapped her arms around his neck and him hug tightly.

"It's okay!" He whispered snaking his arms around her and rubbing her back as she started sobbing.

"I am so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying." She mumbled.

"It's okay, darling. It's completely fine." He assured her.

YN felt so vulnerable yet so dumb for not knowing what she was feeling. How easy it was to knock her down, just one kiss? Fuck!

WHAT IS GOING ON? - Her evil conscious yelled.

"You want to talk about it now?" He suggested. YN feels ashamed of herself to even look at him.

OH COME ON! It was just a kiss, not a big deal!

It is a big deal! Stop!

"No, I, I am so sorry." She just kept apologising.

"It's okay, stop apologising now, please!" He said.

YN broke the hug when she heard Hebe's happy screams and giggles coming closer. She wiped off her tears.

"I, I think I should leave now? I will see you tomorrow." Andrew suggested. YN just nodded. She was still standing close to him. Andrew planted a small kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Good Night."

"Ni— night." YN stuttered. Harry caught her eyes, who appeared to be devastated, Hebe was clung onto his back like a little monkey with her small arms wrapped around his neck on a piggyback ride.

"Mummy!" She grinned.

"Hey princess!" YN smiled at her.

Andrew was scared of her duality now. How easy it was for her to put up a happy face in front of her daughter, like she wasn't just sobbing like a baby herself not even a minute ago.

Harry looked like he was about ro drop a dead body there. Didn't even bothered to look at the man with the mother of her daughter. He had to push down the lid of the container of his jealousy hard not to throw a punch at this guy. He smiled at Hebe and left. YN scooped her daughter in her arms who immediately hugged her hiding her face in her Mummy's chest sweetly.

"What was he doing here?" He asked.

"What? Why?" YN asked. "Why are you so interested Harry? Can not leave me alone like you did before?"

"Will you please stop and give me a second chance? I am ready to do anything, why can't you see that for god's sake!?" He voice was louder than usual. "It is hurting me as much it is hurting you!"

"Mummy!" Hebe got scared.

"Oh no! I— Dadda is so, so sorry princess!"

YN slapped his hand away as he was about to to reach to Hebe.

"Stay away!" YN warned him. "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me. You don't know how much you've hurt me. Did I come up to you and yell at you when you were out and about enjoying your rendezvous all around Europe whilst I was suffering my entire pregnancy? You were busy being father to your girlfriend's son whilst your own child was growing up without you. That was so not fair for her! You think you can show up out of nowhere and be all bossy now?"

"You're not the person I thought you would be, Harry! You say you love me but you never trusted me. You listened to your stupid manager. I shouldn't have gave in this easily to let you be involved in her life." She was crying again.

"Get lost Harry." YN went in and slammed the the door on his face.

She couldn't have bothered to give her speech if she was alone and he was raising his voice, she could do that too. But Hebe was there, it broke YN's heart seeing how scared she got there. YN took her to the sofa quickly and sat her down here crouching down in front of her, YN look at her just to find a small tear almost escaping her eye. Her heart was thudding bad. God she was that scared?

"Hey, it's okay Bebe. Mummy is here with you yeah?" YN assured her. Wiping off her tears which managed to escape her pretty eyes.

"Dadda is bad!" Her voice broke as she took in a sharp breath.

"No, he is not baby. He not bad." YN held her small hands in hers.

"He scream at Mummy!" A small sob escaped with her words.

"I know, but you don't have to be scared of him, yeah? Mummy will always be to protect you, I promise. Your Dadda is not bad, yeah?" Her cooing voice soft to help ease her little baby's fear. She needs to distract her from this. YN quickly wiped her own tears.

"You want to watch Sofia before you go to bed? Mummy and you and cuddle too?" YN suggested. "We can have milk and cookies too, how does that sound. Hm?"

"Mhmm!" She nodded.

"I love you so much!" YN reminded her with a peck on her forehead.

"Love you Mummy!" Hebe was still a tiny bit scared. She clung onto YN as she took her to the bedroom. YN changed Hebe into her PJs and tucked her in blankets and gave her the iPad with Sofia the first playing.

"I'll be back with you milk and cookies yeah?" YN asked.

"Mhmm!" Hebe nodded.

YN brought her some milk and cookies. She usually avoided her eating anything heavy before bed because she wouldn't go to bed, she didn't quite understand the connection but that's how it was with her little princess. But she was a little scared by her dad raising his voice in front of her. No one have talked that loudly in front of her ever. YN have always taught her to me polite and respectful, that's how people around her always have been. It seemed to be alot of the two year old.

"Did you eat your dinner?"

"Mhmm! Dadda and Hebe made spayetti!" She seemed normal now.

"You did huh?" YN smiled, "what else did you do?"

"We also made an omvet and toas for lunch" She told her mummy. It took YN a few seconds to process her toddler gibberish.

"Oh, that sounds delicious!" YN said enthusiastically.

"Mhmm!" Hebe smiled her sweet smile.

"Should we go to bed now, yeah? Let go and brush our teeth now." YN suggested.

"Yes!" Hebe nodded. Her eye lids looked heavy with sleep. Luckily she was awake to be able to brush her teeth.

"Come on!" YN pushed the blankets away so Hebe can clim up, she had a little set of small stairs beside her bed to make it easy for Hebe to climb up and there was a barrier on Hebe's side of the bed so she wouldn't roll off their bed in sleep. Hebe grabbed her Binky the fox and lied down waiting for her Mummy to join her.

"Good Night, Bebe." YN pulled her little princess closer to her.

"Gunnight Mumma." Hebe went to sleep with a smile on her face.

......................................................................

"Oh god that motherf*cker!" Camryn exclaimed.

It was the next morning, YN had her best friends coming over unannounced this morning. She wasn't complaining. Hebe and Alvin were playing in her play area and the ladies were sat by the breakfast bar eating up their breakfast. Samantha brought some amazing croissants from this bakery which was a decently long drive away from their neighborhood. They were literal mum's, except Samantha wasn't really a mum but she acted like one. Technically she is god mother of Hebe of Alvin.

"I know, it broke my heart to see her so scared. I had no idea how to calm her down, luckily I was able to distract her easily." YN explained.

"Just freaking dump him already!" Samantha said.

"We were never together to dump him, Sam." YN sighed sipping her tea.

"Just cut him off your life. If he wants to be around Hebe then it's fine. He is her father, he deserves to be around her. He is such a jealous fucker!" Camryn rolled her eyes.

"Language, Cam, kids are here." YN let out a small chuckle.

"She is right, YN. You deserve to have your own life too. You can't just be stuck being a mom. Unless that's what you want, you have our full support!" Samantha added.

"Thank you so much." YN looked back and forth between her friends, "I love you both so much!"

"So are you going on a date with Andrew?" Camryn smirked cheekily.

"Nope." YN shook her head.

"You kissed him last night!" Samantha exclaimed.

"It just happened, I don't want to date anyone. I'm happy being just a mum for right now." YN explained, "and he understands that."

"As you say so." Camryn shrugged, "but if that Harry raise his voice again, it's going my hand and his pretty face!"

"Alright chill out!" Samantha and YN said at the same time. Both of them looked at each other surprised at the coincidence, all three of them bursted out laughing.

#fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #x reader #harry styles x y/n #boyfriendrry #dadrry #dad!harry

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vainilla-milk · 3 years

Text

a special gift

pairing: reiner x reader

tags: fluff, sfw, a bit of angst, modern au

note: i'm writing a lot about reiner, but i just love him too much and too much is never enough. btw, happy birthday to my beloved Reiner Braun♡

When Reiner woke up, he saw that the side of the bed where you usually sleep was empty.

"Maybe she's in the kitchen" he thought.

However when he got up he looked all over the house for you, you had obviously gone out, but you hadn't told him either and that worried him a lot.

In the last few weeks you acted very strange and distant, Reiner was afraid you were going to break up with him. Anxiety was eating him alive.

Fuck, he remembered that today is his birthday. Usually you were always the first to congratulate him, you got up early to greet him with a smile and breakfast ready. That day no one could separate you from Reiner. You were like his shadow, and one who filled him with cuddles.

"Are things that bad between us?" he spoke quietly to himself, thinking the worst.

His cell phone rang alerting him of a notification, thinking it was you, but it wasn't.

" Happy birthday!!! " he read, it was several messages from his friends. Even Gabi had written to him.

But from you there was no trace.

You hadn't left the house, since all your things were there. After breakfast he decided to call you, he made several attempts until you finally answered.

"Dove, I was worried. Where are you?"

"Rei, good morning. I'm buying some groceries, did you wake up well?"

"Yes, I woke up fine.... Uhm, what time will you arrive? If you want I can come pick you up" he asked trying not to sound shaky, the idea that you were going to finish him was tormenting him.

"No need, I'll see you later.... It's my turn to pay, see ya" and you hung up.

Reiner swallowed dryly, you didn't sound as sweet as you used to.

You didn't mention anything about his birthday.

He cursed under his breath and sat down on the sofa, running his hands over his face. He barely started his day and already he felt that everything was going from bad to worse. He wanted to forget those thoughts about the possible end of their relationship, so he decided he'd better go for a walk in the park.

He wants to be alone for a while.

He dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, he needed to be comfortable. The park was luckily almost empty. That would allow him to think more clearly.

He walked for quite a while, although there was a moment when he received a call from his mother who also congratulated him on his birthday. Reiner spent several minutes talking to her, Karina was excited about how the time had passed. Suddenly though the blond was caught off guard.

"Are you okay?" she asked him with some concern in her voice. "You sound a little tired"

Reiner puts the phone away a little and sighs, he wanted to tell her about his insecurity with his relationship with you. But the words don't come out, he ends up making an excuse.

"Yeah, I'm a little tired. I couldn't sleep well last night and today (Y/N) has kept me up all morning" he lied. Karina readily believed him.

Then they said goodbye and hung up the call. He still didn't read any messages from you regarding his birthday, or where you were, or what you were doing.

Reiner felt his eyes watering, but he didn't want to cry, at least not if he didn't talk to you about it. He didn't want to know that maybe he was crying in vain or that maybe a painful truth awaited him.

No, he needed his mind blank.

After walking around the park alone for a while longer, he decided he would go home. His walk was slow and heavy, almost as if he was afraid to enter his apartment. Minutes passed in front of the door until he dared to enter.

He felt noise and a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He advanced towards the place and found you engrossed in preparing lunch.

He admired your expression of concentration, you always looked beautiful to him.

"Hey..." he greets you with a faint smile.

You turn to see him and return the greeting with the same smile.

"Lunch will be ready soon" you merely say.

"Okay" he replies averting his gaze and scratching the back of his neck. "Ehmm... I'll set the table" he adds, to which you reply with an ok without even looking at him.

There was a hellish silence for Reiner as you finished cooking and as long as it took to eat the whole lunch.

"It was delicious" he says wanting to bring up some topic for conversation, but you just say "Thank you" without continuing the conversation.

Once you finish you get up to tidy up and clean up. The silence is becoming overwhelming, Reiner can't stop looking at you trying to find a way to say he needs to talk to you about your relationship. But he doesn't need to be the one to initiate that conversation, because you were the one who decided to make the first move.

"Hey...uhmm.... I need to talk something important with you" you averted your gaze as you blurted out each word.

Reiner swallowed heavily.

"Please wait for me in the living room" you finished leaving the room.

Reiner didn't say anything to you, he just went to where you indicated and sat on the couch waiting for the worst. After a few minutes you came back, you had one hand behind your body, hiding something. Reiner watched you waiting for your next words, but instead he saw you kneel down in front of him. Suddenly you gave him a sweet smile that melted his heart.

"I'm a little nervous about this. Could you close your eyes for a moment?"

He looked at you confused, but he complied.

You sighed and revealed your hidden hand that held a sky blue gift box with a white gift ribbon on the lid. You set the gift box down on his lap, Reiner frowned still keeping his eyes closed, trying to guess what you were doing.

"You can look now" you said quietly.

Reiner's golden eyes saw your blushing face, he was slowly starting to feel relief invade his body. He was still silent, but he didn't wait any longer to open the gift.

" Congratulations, Dad♡ " was the first thing he read. It was a note in your handwriting.

The intrigued blond lifted the paper and found a pregnancy test that marked two little lines. And underneath the item, there was a larger folded piece of paper.

"(Y/N)" he called your name trying not to sound trembling.

"Please read it" you reply, in your case, trying to control your excitement.

Reiner pulled out the paper and unfolded it, it was medical exams confirming your pregnancy.

"Four weeks" he repeated what he read.

"Happy birthday, babe" you blurted out at last.

Reiner's fears vanished. He got up from the couch and grabbed your hand to pull you up in a tight but careful hug.

"Dammit! I love you. You had me worried," he confessed to you.

"I wanted to surprise you."

Reiner just started filling your face with kisses. He wasn't able to let you go, but after a while of cuddling splashing kisses on each other, he finally put you down. He was touched by the news, but he also talked to you about how he was afraid you were going to break up with him.

"I'm sorry, I was just too nervous and if I didn't act serious it was going to show too much emotion" you apologized. "But I have a thousand ideas to make it up to you"

"Well, you're giving me a baby and that makes me more than happy."

You smiled at him gawking.

"I love you too much to think that it could be over between us" you admitted. Reiner let out a small laugh and was internally thankful that he didn't cry out of sadness in the park.

If he would cry, it would be from happiness.

"I love you so much, and our little baby too."

It was the most special gift he had ever received, one that was starting a new chapter in his life.

#reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #reiner braun x y/n #reiner imagine #reiner braun fic #reiner x reader #reiner x you #reiner x y/n #reiner headcanons #reiner fanfic #reiner aot #reiner braun imagine #reiner braun aot #aot imagines #snk x reader #snk reiner #snk imagines #snk headcanons #snk fanfiction

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 3 years

Text

A Little Closer

[Raphael x fem reader]

sfw, apocalypse AU, 2012

The city that never sleeps.

They jinxed it, you thought as you dragged yourself along the street, Raphael at your side. The city wasn't only sleeping—it was dead.

You and him were alone, trying to get back in touch with everyone after getting split up. The team had been separated by unfortunate circumstances, nothing short of Murphy's Law. If you hadn't believed in the law before, you did, now.

But Raph could and would plow through a horde for you. He had to; he was your friend, the protector, at the moment. Because while you were able to handle yourself to some degree, ultimately, Raph was the one defending the both of you. And not even because you told him to. He took the role up himself, assumed it silently and never complained. You couldn't quite tell if it was because he felt obligated, or if it really was just his nature.

"You see that building up ahead? The tall one." He pointed toward a particular rooftop rising high among the ones around, and you nod. An infected ambled around in an adjacent alleyway. You glanced over at it anxiously, while Raph seemed completely unbothered. He was focused mentally planning their route. "That's our checkpoint. From there, we'll rest and see if we can regroup with the rest of the team."

The infected, a slower, pustule-covered form, started coming toward the two of you, stumbling out with quiet gurgles. "Raph," you said softly, with a tap on his hard shoulder. He glanced back at you before pulling out his sai, running at the infected and quickly dispatching it by a stab right in the eye socket. He avoided the sickly green caps.The creature fell heavily, and some of the pustules popped on the pavement, squeezing out a foul-smelling concoction of mutagen and infector cells. It amazed you every time just how fast he could get it done, the killing. And without fear—a few infected were more of an inconvenience to him than anything. He got in and got out, all the while you were left in awe at his ability to work on autopilot.

"Actually," he muttered, stepping around the body and into the alleyway the Infector had just come from. He noticed the fire escape and decided they'd take it from there on the rooftops. "I think we can get there from here. Feel like a little roof-running?" he asked you, throwing a subtle smile over.

Anything to get off the streets. Down there, it was bad. You had to look around every corner, watch your back even more carefully, and even then, straggling infected would still manage to slip under the radar. Though, luckily, Raph often was able to predict the movements of groups, which was what made you avoid the building horde making its way through the city. It was still a major scare to think you were clear and suddenly have a hunter-class infected jump out at you.

"Yeah," you answered him, following into the alleyway. "Yeah, let's do that. There are way too many Infectors down here." A shudder crawled up your spine to think about what the ooze those things carried could do to people.

He leaped up onto the railing, while you took the stairs. "It ain't the Infectors you have to worry about. It's the Hunters," he replied, pulling himself into the edge of the roof. You finished your ascent up the staircase as quietly as possible, and he met you at the top, grabbing your hand and helping you up the rest of the way. "But don't worry; I'll make sure none of 'em get you." You leaned forward and looked at him with a small smile, noting what he said. And that he still hadn't let go of your hand. "Or me," he added quickly as he released your hand and turned away to survey the series of buildings ahead.

You laughed, "Well, I'd be pretty screwed if I lost you, Raph. I kinda rely on you, y'know?"

Unknown to you, those last words would stick with him. For a long time.

"Yeah…" he trailed off. He didn't know how to respond to that. Of course, he'd been relied upon before; by Mikey, especially. He knew what that felt like. But protecting this girl? There was a new sense of pressure. Even Mikey could handle himself well enough alone. But there wasn't anything for you to fall back on, should he be out of the equation. No ninja training, not much knowledge of how to use a melee weapon aside from the basics, and guns were few and far between. Very far. A gang would trade you one, if you were lucky. Most people weren't lucky in that regard. Raph didn't want you anywhere near those thugs, anyway.

Between the two of you was nothing but the sound of the breeze. The city was almost dead silent, save for the occasional racket of survivors, or feral animals. Both were in low numbers; most of the city—the country—had been turned. The rate at which the infection spread was astonishing. Only here and there would a lonely human cause ruckus anywhere.

Raph cleared his throat, "We should get moving. Sun's going down and we need to hunker down for the night, the Hunters will be wakin' up soon."

"Sounds good," you said as you stretched your tight muscles out. Hours of almost nonstop walking and jogging could really work up some nasty knots.

You moved forward, him naturally taking the lead as you both made your ways across the roofs, him helping you along when you needed it, and you keeping watch for stragglers while you were at it. Sometimes, there would be other people up there. Other times, former people.

Coming up to a run down building, Raph made the last jump across, expecting you to be able to handle it. But you were hesitant, your body worn and weary from days of over exertion, and today was the straw that broke the camel's back. After all this time, you just couldn't muster the strength to clear the gap yourself.

Raph was about to go on ahead when he noticed you hadn't made it across yet, and he called out, "Y/N, what're you doing over there? Come on, this is our stop."

You wanted to do it, for the sake of his convenience, but it was too far. You could have over or underestimated and plummeted down into the alley below, gotten incapacitated, and became even more baggage. He watched as you backpedaled from the ledge. "I can't," you answered, slightly ashamed, "it's too far of a jump. I can't do it."

You watched as Raph easily bounded across, landing in front of you. "Here," he motioned for you to step in, and you did, where he then picked you right up into his arms and started backing further away. He'd lended you a helping hand before, a catch, sometimes, but never had he picked you up like this. "Wrap your arms around my neck, this is a little dodgy," he instructed you. He tried to ignore the fluttery feeling it gave him when you did what he'd said to do, wrapping your arms around his sturdy neck as he got ready to leap the gap. You were comfortable enough—Raph was strong. Really strong. But the threat of you both falling still have you anxiety, and for that, you had to clamp your eyes shut.

Without a word, he took off in a dash, one powerful leg launching the both of you off the edge. His arms tightened around you somehow more than they had been before. And for a brief second you felt wind. You still couldn't open your eyes, only focused on the feeling of almost absolute security in Raph's grip. Next was the hard landing, which jarred you out of your brief moment of warmth. He grunted, following through into a crouch and setting you down on your feet.

"You alright?" you asked him, concerned, placing a light hand on his shell.

He had a level of endurance that far exceeded the average person's, but even Raph was getting tired. He despised feeling weak, but his body was now actively working against him. He felt slow and heavy for his standards, running on fumes and secretly desperate for rest. As good of a sleep as he could get without worrying about being ambushed by something, be it human or otherwise. He knew he'd be back to the grind soon enough though because you needed sleep, too, and he would die before leaving you undefended in such a vulnerable state.

You realized then just now exhausted he was as he rose, taking in a deep breath. "I'm alright, let's just...clear the place and get in there," he said.

He approached the door into the stairwell and listened for a second before trying the knob. Locked. He was impatient to get in and finally be able to rest, so he just kicked the door in with everything he had, deciding to deal with anything that might be in there as they came. You grimaced; stairwells were awful places to fight anyone or anything.

Collecting yourself, you came over and peered in along with him. "Easy there, shouldn't we be quiet?" you questioned him in earnest.

He never intended to be rude to you, but his mood got the best of him, and he snapped back with a sigh, "Look, I'll get rid of them, okay? It's not like you're the one going in and killing them, so just stay out of the way and let me get it done."

You backed out of the doorway and shot him a look as if to say, are you serious? You knew Raph was prone to moodiness, but you'd never expected it to be targeted your way.

Shit. He slapped his hand onto the doorframe and leaned his forehead on it, groaning. Not even at you, but himself, because he'd just snapped at his only friend and ally out here at the moment. Seeing the flash of the look of hurt on your face at his words made him feel like a total asshole.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled after a minute of uncomfortable silence. He looked back at you, eyes falling on the sombreness of your expression. "I'm just tired. I'll be more careful here on out, if it makes you feel better. I know you're just trying to look out for us, trust me. I do."

"It's okay," you said softly. "Don't worry about it. Let's get in there now, yeah?" you nudged him, stepping in. You looked over the railing in search of anything suspicious. Oxidized blood, the hybrid mutagenic fluid that the Infectors secreted. No, it all appeared clean. But that didn't mean it was safe. Raph descended the stairs slowly, listening for anything he could pick up on. The two of you were surprised that it seemed clear, maybe even skeptical, but it didn't stop you as your paced picked up. Raph kept you behind him at all times with his sai out and ready.

"You think it's good?" you whisper, leaning your head over his shoulder. His eyes scanned the surroundings in the hallway you had just been lead into, still searching for any red flags.

There was nothing. No sounds, no signs of infected, and deathly quiet. The lack of noise disturbed Raph more than anything, but if it meant one night of peace, he'd take anything he could get.

"The residents must've abandoned this place when the evacs happened," you noted.

"Everyone should have stayed. Maybe then we would have had a chance of actually containing this thing and Donnie wouldn't have to be busting his ass to save us all. If that's even possible at this point."

He let his guard down a little. All he wanted to do was pick out any random apartment and take it over for the night. Trying the one on his left, the door slowly opened to reveal a messy studio, papers strewn about, cabinets still open, things discarded on the floor. He almost melted just seeing the couch, let alone a bed.

You were watching the hall just to make sure, but felt his calloused hand land on your forearm, pulling you in.

"Wow," you breathed out. "I never thought I'd be so happy to see such a mess. I feel like I haven't slept in three years," you muttered to yourself, shutting the door behind you.

Raph wandered around the room as he made his last checks behind the counters and such before he finally relaxed and slid his sais back into their holders. "No kidding," he commented. "I'd bet there's nothing to eat in here, though."

"Can't hurt to try."

Turned out that there wasn't anything but a couple of granola bars and a single bottle of water you'd found under the kitchen table. Probably rolled under there and the owner never noticed, but you were running low on your water supply, as your backpack was starting to feel light.

Raph kept the blinds closed tight in fear of being spotted from the window, even though it was practically a wasteland out there, but you couldn't help but part them a bit to catch a glimpse of the sun going down. That beautiful, warm glow that the Golden Hour produced, and the way it painted the sky. Though, it wasn't all that visible from where you were.

Sunset came and went and gave way to night. It was dark in the apartment; no electricity was being routed there, and so the only thing that lit up the area was the lone lantern you had sitting on the coffee table. Your eyelids were becoming so heavy that you couldn't stop to care if the furniture had bed bugs or other gross stuff. It was comfortable on your aching back, that's what mattered. You lay down on it and was already dozing off when Raph padded by. He stopped. You were so tired, he could see that. He could stand to stay up for a few more hours, he told himself—he would do that.

As you slept, he spent his time cleaning his weapons, adjusting his gear, snacking on what little the two of you shared. Also thinking. About how tired he was in that moment, his brothers (wherever they were), and finally...you. He found his gaze shifting from the knife in his lap that he'd been sharpening to you, sound asleep on the couch and for the first time in days, looking at peace. You had dark circles under your eyes, bumps and scrapes all over your body, yet for a little while, you'd forgotten all about it. Because you were asleep, obviously, but even though he was downright beat, he couldn't bring himself to disturb you. Not yet, at least. The clock on the wall was still ticking on. It was quiet, except for that—Raph couldn't complain. He softened watching you. There was something comforting to him about being able to drop the act and just observe you without having to talk. He wasn't always good at talking. He judged that perhaps you were only trying to fill the silence when you kept rambling or muttering, which was understandable. It made him wonder briefly if you felt awkward when he was quiet.

Raph was on his proverbial last leg in terms of his wakefulness when he heard your voice, the slightest call that was almost inaudible. He set his gear aside and shifted towards you where he sat on the coffee table, trying to figure out if you were only dreaming, or if you really needed something.

"You awake?" he whispered.

Arm dangling off the couch, you rested your face on your other hand. "Yeah," you answered through a dry throat. He remembered the bottle of water from earlier and reached into the backpack at his feet, handing it to you. He'd already drank over half of it.

"How long have you been laying there awake while I could have been getting some shut-eye?" he jested. You did your best to muster a smile, but it wasn't going. It wasn't like you to be so solemn.

He spoke again as you downed the rest of the water, "Uh...joking. Are you—"

"Can you hold me?"

You weren't looking at him. Your eyes were closed, and on the inside, you asked yourself why you'd said it. Maybe it was the mid-sleep grogginess, or you had just lost all care in the world. He was staring at you, but in the low light, you could hardly see his expression. He swallowed; oh, how this had taken him off guard.

"Just for a little bit."

He was going to stammer out something, he wasn't sure what, but anything to relieve the mix of awkward embarrassment he was feeling. He wanted to crawl into that couch with you, to feel the warmth of your body against his cold one—why couldn't he move? Why was it so hard to just say: "Yes, I can hold you."

He could fight. He could defend. What he couldn't do was comprehend his own emotions.

"I, uh…do you feel unsafe, or something?" He felt stupid to ask that, but that part of his mind wanted to rationalize your request. He would feel vulnerable in your shoes. He knew that for a fact. But really, he was aware that wasn't the case, you feeling unsafe; he was there. Your sentinel, willing to push himself as far as he possibly could, and then some.

A sigh left you, and the single word, "Please."

No more thinking. Just do.

He sat up, tentative in his approach to your tired form. You shifted back as far into the cushions of the couch that you could, offering him the space on the edge. He climbed down, and after a minute of trying to situate all of your limbs, he was finally comfortable. He would be lying to say his heart wasn't beating faster, that it didn't feel weird to drape his arm around you the way he did, being pressed against your back like that. Despite everything, it felt natural. Right. Like he'd been missing something that whole time, and as soon as he had pulled you into him, he had a revelation.

There were no words exchanged. Just the sound of the clock ticking and the both of your breaths as you were lulled back into sleep. He couldn't sleep yet. You still had an hour to go before it was his turn. Not that it bothered him. Not then; he wanted to be conscious for this, the feeling of fullness he had with how you seemed to fit against his body so well. The contrast of soft skin to his scales, his lean, solid muscles compared to your own less-developed. His fingers brushed along your wrist in some of the lightest touches he'd ever administered. His leg found its way over your own.

What started rigid and awkward now had melted him. His body hadn't felt that loose in a long time.

Whatever the next move was, he was fine with it. The team was close to finding each other after four days of separation. There was a horde forming outside, gathering up to blow through the city in one last sweep. But as long as they got where they needed to go, he didn't mind it at all.

a/n: i 100% did not feel like explaining how or why they got separated from the rest of the group just be along for the ride bby

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lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

Text

Paper Flowers: Everyone falls

But it’s getting up that matters.

People try their best. And sometimes that isn’t enough. But that doesn’t mean one should give up. This week Thomas had a bad night and tensions rose high. Join me in the morning after.

And with the fanders a little pick me up was just what the doctor ordered.

As usual Virgil woke up to Princey singing at the top of his lungs.

This morning's opening number was 'how far I'll go,' from Moana.

Virgil sighed. Today was going to be a long day. He'd expected as much. After yesterday...

Thomas had gone out with Joan to a party. There'd been a really cute guy. It had been fun and he was charming, a fellow actor even. Things were going so well... until, somehow, they had started talking about social media... YouTube and vine among them. This guy did not like the creator community. And he was very vocal about it. Something about attention seeking talentless idiots giving theater a bad name.

Luckily they made a clean getaway. Roman had played it off last night until he knocked at Virgil's backdoor.

Virgil hadn't needed an explanation. He'd gathered his first aid kit and came into the meadow to tend to Roman's injuries. Roman hadn't wanted to talk last night, so Virgil hadn't pushed him. Hadn't even made him promise to go to Patton if he wasn't feeling better in the morning. Roman usually didn't mind letting Patton look after him, but something told Virgil that he'd come to him for a reason.

He looked at himself in the mirror. "Let's get this over with."

He made his way downstairs for breakfast. He was the first to arrive. Aside from Patton that is.

"Virgil! You're up!" Clearly seeing Virgil was not what Patton expected first thing in the morning.

"Didn't have any other choice with Princey belting Moana in the next room," he grumbled.

Patton visibly relaxed at that. "Roman's singing... good. That's good."

Virgil was pretty sure he was the only one who ever heard Roman sing in his room. He didn't know if it was his heightened senses or something else, but no one ever seemed to complain about it. He'd never confronted Princey with it. First because he was sure Roman would sing even louder the next morning out of spite, and now because he kind of liked hearing a friendly voice first thing in the morning.

Virgil huffed and mumbled something about a bad night as he made himself a cup of chamomile, he needed to calm himself down. He did not like being here this early. Patton was too chipper in general and there was no one to distract him now.

"How did you sleep anxiety?" There it was.

The question, which normally came so easily when directed at anyone else was loaded with tension.

Virgil decided to stick with a shrug. Hoping that would be enough to let Patton feel like he'd met his quota of showing interest in him today. The answer was complicated. He'd been exhausted by the time he was done panicking last night. Especially since he'd tried not to show Princey too much of his worries while patching him up. He was having a rough enough time.

So once he did fall asleep he slept like the dead so to speak. It just took ages to get there.

Once his cup was in his hand he stalked to his seat he got some cereal and started eating. He could feel Patton struggle with something.

"I can practically hear you thinking. If you have something to say, just say it," he huffed, not looking up.

He heard a deep intake of breath.

"You were a bit too hard on Thomas last night."

Of course. Well at least he wasn't tiptoeing around him anymore. Before Patton dragged him to dinner that first time he would be so extremely careful when telling him to soften up. Like he was going to attack him if he said the wrong thing.

"We've established that I do what I do and don't care if you like it or not. Thomas needed to consider these things. You might've wanted him to forget that conversation ever happened but that isn't how real life works," he stated. Thomas had to be aware people thought those things to not get as hurt by meeting someone like that again. Pretending that if was a fluke and didn't matter was not right.

"Good morning Patton... Anxiety. Unusual to see you at the breakfast table,” Logan greeted calmly as he, made his way to the tea kettle. Virgil jumped at the chance to change the topic.

"Am I seriously the only one who heard Princey perform for his teddy bears this morning or what?" Virgil groaned. Logan cocked his head curiously. "Interesting... do you often hear things we do in private?" What? Where did that come from?

"I'm not eavesdropping! I literally woke up from the noise!" he seethed. He knew they didn't like him but did they have to assume everything he said or did had malicious intent?

Logan simply finished making his tea and toast before sitting down.

"Apologies that was perhaps not properly phrased. I just meant to ask if this was a first time or if your hearing simply automatically bypasses the barriers between the rooms all the time."

Oh, Virgil relaxed at that. Log

Oh. Virgil relaxed a little embarrassed he made such a big deal over it. Great job anxiety. Just another reason they would never truly accept you as s friend. Not that he was hoping for that. He was fine. He shrugged. "Princey sings every morning. Sometimes I hear typing from your room." Understatement. It sounded like the keys were about to be chattered under Logan's speed and force whenever he heard it.

"And..." Suddenly he changed his mind, this was all probably really private. He was anxiety. He figured he picked up Princey's singing in the morning no matter what mood he was in because part of him was listening for any noises whether in the real world or Thomas' mind. But the rest… that might be them under stress and he shouldn't expose any of them like that without permission. But asking Pat's permission now would prove he cared and it would out the fact that Patton was hiding stuff. "Just stuff," he shrugged dismissively getting back to his cereal.

Logan did not get the hint. "I see... would you..."

"Can we keep the third degree for some other time? I'm really not in the mood!" he groaned.

And just then the whole reason he was subjecting himself to this came in. With a smile plastered on his face and a grand gesture. "Good...!"

"No!”Vigrgil exclaimed turning to Roman, hiding his face from the others allowing him a chance to check him over. He seemed alright. But just to be safe. “Especially you! Just shut up! I don't want to hear another word this morning! I came down so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone trying to drag me down for family breakfast or whatever. So let's just eat in freaking silence alright!?" He shouted. He wasn't really that upset. But Princey might still not be up for Patton fussing over him. So Virgil hoped that for once Patton being scared of upsetting him came through in a good way.

“If you insist on making noise, hum or something. Just so long as you shut up for once!” And with that Virgil sat back down and started eating.

He could hear Patton ready himself for a reprimand but it didn't come. He assumed either Logan or Roman had stopped him. Roman sat down and hummed ‘Poor unfortunate souls'. A silent acknowledgment of what Virgil had done.

Breakfast was silent, and Virgil made sure to eat slow enough for Roman to be done before him so he could make a clean getaway. Logan finished first and left without a word.

Roman was next and went straight to the field. Virgil was a little happy to feel his key vibrate in an almost melodious rhythm. Roman's way of inviting him to hang out if and when he felt like it.

He finished his tea and got up. Planning to go straight to the meadow and check prince over. But Patton had other plans.

“Anxiety we need to talk.” Quite possibly one of the worst thing to say to literal anxiety, but okay.

“I feel like I made it clear that we were done. I don’t tell you how to do your thing. So you should do me the same favor,” he huffed before starting to walk away.

“Why didn't you answer Logan's question earlier?” The moral side blurted out.

Virgil, paused, he hadn't expected that. He didn't let that ruin his devil may care act though. “Didn't feel like it,” he shrugged.

“If that was all, I have to go and contemplate the futility of our existence,” he drawled with a salute.

He hadn't even fully turned around yet before Patton spoke again. Rushed as if trying to get it out before he could think about it. “Did you hear?”

Virgil froze. He knew what Patton probably wanted to remain secret above all else. What he might've worried Virgil overheard with his heightened senses.

He'd almost checked in on him last night, but then realized Patton wouldn't want assurance from him of all sides . What could he even say?

Logan was out too, and Roman was in no shape to take on another side’s troubles.

“Depends…” he turned back to face Patton his face still carefully controlled though he allowed himself to be sincere. “Do you like…” Ugh. He was going to kill Roman for hammering on about giving the others a chance. “Want to talk about it, or something?”

Patton looked surprised. He was silent for a moment, like he was actually considering it.

But Virgil could see how uncomfortable Patton was. Of course. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. Not to Anxiety at least. He hated how much that hurt. What did he expect?

“Then I guess I have no clue what you mean,” Virgil continued casually as he disappeared up the stairs. Not even waiting to get through his room before opening a door with his key. It was risky he knew, but he needed to be somewhere no one could bother him.

“Virgil, you came.” No one except Princey. But he was a special case. Virgil smirked at Roman as he walked over to sit beside him. The relief in Roman's voice and face was unmistakable.

“Of course I did idiot. You didn’t think I was actually mad at you right? We've had enough fights for you to know the difference I’d say,” he teased as he leaned back a little to study the clouds.

“Yeah, I just… I would have understood if you really needed a break. I know eating with us can be stressful, and I left you by yourself…” Virgil sighed, knowing what princey was getting at.

“How are you?” he asked instead glancing at the royal by his side. Trying to spot any sign of his injuries bothering him.

Roman sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I took of the bandages this morning and they didn’t need replacing. But thank. Not having to pretend everything was perfectly fine this morning… I needed that. How did you know?” Roman wondered, allowing himself to be distracted for a moment.

“You only sing ‘I want’ songs and power ballads first thing in the morning when you are really down. I was honestly relieved it wasn’t ‘Go the distance’ or ‘Defying gravity’. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done then.” Not letting Princey force himself to put on a show during breakfast for the others was one thing. But making him stay in bed would be tricky to pull off without letting the others in on what he was doing.

“You… Hear me sing… And you know my mood by what songs I pick?”

Roman sounded moved for some reason.

“Yeah, I think it has to do with being on alert in the morning or something. And I can hear you the others in your rooms when you guys are… Anxious I guess. Logan was a nightmare during finals,” he jests.

“And I learned your mood playlist because it was useful to know when to avoid you and when I could push your buttons a little. I just use my knowledge for good now I guess.”

Roman gave him a playful push. “Aw, don’t lie. You were secretly worried about me when I sang my sad Roman Playlists,” he teased.

Virgil just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Patton didn’t give you a hard time over this did he? Because I can talk to him later and get him to lay off, I can make an excuse…”

Virgil waved him off. “I’d never let you straight up lie to Patton for me Ro. You know that. And. He just… I let it slip that I heard you singing in your room. You know, to make them think all is fine and dandy. And Logan pointed out that we’re not supposed to hear what happens in each other’s rooms and wondered if I overheard stuff more often. I dodged the question and Patton wanted to know why. Wanted to know what I heard from his room.” It wasn’t exactly what was said but Patton was allowed choose who else knew how badly last night had upset him. Plus Roman would feel guilty if he knew. Virgil curled in on himself and stared ahead as he remembered how the conversation had ended.

“I… Tried to offer to listen if there was something he needed to vent about or something.” He averted his gaze, he didn’t want to even catch a glimpse of Roman’s pity. “Didn’t go well. Not that I expected him to open up to me of all sides. But… I don’t know…”

“It hurts none the less,” Roman said empathically. Virgil chanced a glance and was relieved his friend seemed understanding instead of sorry.

He relaxed a little. “Yeah…” he admitted.

He expected Roman to come to Patton’s defense. To explain why the moral side acted that way, and how good his intentions were.

But instead. “I’m proud of you for trying though. I know that wasn’t easy for you.”

Virgil chuckled. “Thanks,” he allowed.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

“Wanna do each other’s nails while we brainstorm something fun for Thomas to do to give him a boost?” Virgil suggested casually after a while.

Roman shot up and ran to his room to get his stuff. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh. That was a yes.

Today was awful. Everything just insisted on going wrong!

You let yourself fall on your bed and pick up your phone hoping to find some kind of escape.

You see a new video from Thomas Sanders. Oh, those are usually funny. Maybe it’ll be a prank or a storytime…

You tap the video and see Thomas pointing at the camera.

“Hey you!” The camera goes up and down and shows the prince smiling at you.

“You gorgeous human being!” he declares grandly. Up and down it goes and the teacher character is looking at you with arms crossed and his head cocked a proud smile on his face.

“You are so smart,” he states with certainty.

This time the camera returns to the dad character his arms close to his chest hands balled in fists near his face, huge goofy grin on his face.

“You are unique!”

And then sleep! Looking like he’s taping in the middle of a party. “Take a nap gurl! You deserve it!”

And lastly the nemesis. He too has his arms folded in front of him but he looks at you with a strange sort of stern yet gentle look.

“You deserve love and respect. No matter what others say,” he tells you seriously.

And damn it. Why did that mean so much!? Maybe just because you kind of needed to hear that right now. Maybe you will have a quick nap.

But not before liking and sharing. Even sending it to a few friends to make them smile.

Next: The little things

#ts sides #sanders sides #Roman sanders #Virgil Sanders #Patton Sanders #Logan Sanders #paper flowers au

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blushing-starker · 4 years

Text

Having a boyfriend that's a natural rule breaker becomes even more tedious because now it's two people conspiring together, itching to shatter social norms. Sure, they won't pull the fire alarm stunt to get out of a quiz (that's more Rocket and Groot's style), place mirrors on front steps to confuse Fury and nearly give the principal a heart attack (Loki with an exasperated Thor and cackling Hela) or hire a mariachi band to follow hall monitor Alexander Pierce (Steve had joined Bucky and Sam in that one); they'd never sneak into the air vents, fill them with glitter so the haughty board of directors would be covered in pink sparkles when they cranked the ac (Clint and Nat).

Ok, they did help with that last one, buying the shimmering stuff from T'Challa's sister and slipping five jars into Clint's backpack, but they didn't actually go into the vents.

But that's not the point. The point is there are limits to their rule breaking; Tony's spot on the football team and Peter's participation in the art club too important to risk on something as silly as skipping a quiz. No, they thanked their best friends, unhooked the window lock and slithered out only after finishing and handing in the quiz. They weren't amateurs.

Still, Peter knows Tony literally couldn't have chosen a worse time for their impromptu lunch date. (Luckily, he'd expected this exact situation.)

"Tony, they don't even have bad food today. We could just wait until the bell rang to meet up and eat at the bleachers. Like we always do a day before a big game."

His boyfriend swivels around, hooks nimble fingers into his belt loops to pull Peter closer, never once stumbling even while walking backwards. The grin he shows is manic, just this side of wild to let Peter know this isn't about haunting nightmares and bouts of anxiety. This is normal, too high on a feeling Tony Stark. Which means he won't head back to school unless Peter pulls out all the stops...

He's too exhausted from last night's art project to use up energy on the puppy eyes. So he sighs, tugs on the blue varsity jacket Tony loves to show off, kisses a dimple before turning this untamed creature around.

"Come on, I found a new route to that shawarma place with MJ and Ned last week." It sounds exasperated, but Tony knows Peter will do anything to keep him happy. Well. Not anything. There's only so many times they can discuss Star Wars before simply agreeing to disagree on whether Han and Luke are pan or bi.

"What, and you tell me this now?", Tony squawks indignantly from Peter's left side, freezing nose nuzzling into Peter's neck as revenge.

Like a robber caught sneaking into a vault, he raises his hands instantly before shoving Tony away.

"Hey, you were focusing on practice! If I told you, you'd bring Rhodey, he'd bring T'Challa and then Shuri would pop up and who goes where she goes? Bucky, which means Steve and Sam, who'd already be there thanks to Rhodey and of course Clint would somehow appear with Nat. We'd be together so Ned and MJ are gonna be teasing with Betty and half the guys in our grade have a crush on Nat, or MJ or Shuri or Betty or you. So what's the end result? The entire football, soccer, basketball and swim team eating shawarma a week before the games. I am not hearing Coach Coulson scold me for you guys breaking diet again. I'm already on his list, another situation like that and I'll have to run fifteen laps around the field."

"Oh come on, you can do those in your sleep." He could, but again, not the point.

"With a weighted backpack, Tony."

"Yeah, I can see why you wouldn't want that."

"Before cycling fifteen laps and then swimming fifteen laps."

"Jesus, why would he even do that?" Tony looks at him then, disgruntled at the thought of his boyfriend doing all that.

He shrugs, doesn't want to explain Peter had done it once when it all got too much and he'd needed to release the pent up energy. He hadn't noticed Coach watching him, ready to come help if he hurt himself. They'd talk afterwards, Coulson making him promise to never do that alone. Now it became a reward and a punishment. Peter won the art contest? Fifteen everything to focus his mind and not go jumping off walls in his excitement.

His students wolfing down a thousand calories before a game? Fifteen everything so Peter would at least "time it so it's not during the season, Jesus". To be fair to Peter, Tony participated in almost all the sports teams so scheduling was hard.

"Listen, just don't eat a whole animal, ok? We can split it, eat enough," he glares at Tony, pushing through even as the puppy eyes come out, "and then head to the movies. They're showing Aliens for a few days cuz of Halloween and I already texted the guys to come during lunch."

His boyfriend, smart and sharp and witty, just blinks at him. "But we have class after lunch."

"Technically, but I convinced Mr Pym to let the class out of lab so we could all hang out. It's the one class we share so now the whole group can see it together."

Tony stops, eyes wide and mouth open.

"You, what, planned this?"

"Yeah, something fun before tomorrow to take it off your mind for a while. Or, you know, not make it stand out as much. I know how focused you get, and it's really great, having that as a goal, strategizing and taking it seriously. But I also know it can be a lot, so I thought we should all hang out since each of us has something coming up and we aren't spending much time together. Which I get, responsibilities and family and school; I just missed it and I can't be the only one, right? So yeah, this was planned. Like, two weeks ago. When MJ found the new route, it was like a sign. And I really want you to relax and enjoy the whole, I have friends that care for me and a boyfriend that loves-"

He slaps a hand on his mouth, eyes impossibly wide and cheeks flaming. Tony and Peter stand immobile, the world reduced to beat up sneakers breaking the simplicity of yellow lines on black, a flickering neon sign telling them the shawarma place is open and two hearts slowly starting to beat again after that confession.

Ned would say it's romantic. MJ would bluntly remind them it's a bad idea to stand in the middle of the road even if they're saying I love you. And with good reason, since there's the telltale roar of a car bursting with teenagers, voices howling out the lyrics to an AC/DC song. And of course Peter notices the noise of rubber swerving against gravel, the screeching of old brakes and a few terrified shrieks harmonizing with a sharp wind blasting into him out of nowhere. Before he can react, Tony is there, wrapping his arms around Peter and shoving them both into the little patch of grass that grows from a crack in dirty pavement.

There's a moment where his whole world flips, tumbles until he screws his eyes shut and prepare himself for whatever the fuck caused that noise. But nothing comes. Only a sigh blowing a stray curl away from his forehead. But a sigh? Why would?

Tony.

He gasps, jolts upright and apologizes when that just serves to jostle his boyfriend further into the ground. His boyfriend who'd flip them so Peter wouldn't be hurt. Tony is peering at him through half shut eyes, discomfort clear on the grimace he tried to transform into a sheepish grin.

"So, you love me, huh?"

It's the stupidest thing Tony Stark has ever said.

"What the fuck were you thinking? You could have gotten hurt, you could have shattered a wrist, dislocated a shoulder, torn an ACL, bent a leg-"

"This is not what I expected. Also it was a three foot leap forward on grass, I'm fine, Peter."

"Or bashed your head, or busted an arm and then what would you do for the game tomorrow? Who the hell does that?"

"The guy you love, apparently."

"That's not the point, Tony, that's unimportant because you nearly got hurt. Christ, Coulson will slaughter me if there's a scratch on you, and then your mom would be sad and I'd be sad because, what would I do without you? And don't you ever do that again, I can't take it. I am not losing you, Tony. God, why would you do that, risk so much on-"

"On you? Babe, I'd do it again. Ok, not the right thing to say based on the whole face thing you got going on right now. But just hear me out. Don't, stop hitting me, ow, why are you hitting, how are you this strong, Jesus. Ow, stop it. Peter, for fuck's sakes, I love you, you animal. Now please let go of the jacket, it'll get wrinkles."

His hands unclasp the soft cotton, Tony falling back with a groan and Peter's unhinged jaw snapping shut after fifteen seconds of letting the flies in.

It's a wonderful thing, hearing the guy he's loved for so long say it back, say he loves Peter.

It's also fucking stupid since there's even more reason to not do stunts like that.

"You're an idiot. I'm in love with a guy that has one shared brain cell with Steve. You could have been hurt, Tony. And what would that have done, huh?"

His boyfriend sighs yet again, wraps an arm around Peter to push them from the ground and heads to the car where their friends are gawking. He waves them off, offers a "Yeah, I know I'm amazing, no, I didn't break anything, T'challa, yes, I can play, Jesus, Rogers, I can read you like a book. I appreciate the worry, Bruce; Nat, thanks for calming him down. Rhodes, excellent driving. No need to hog the seats, Sam, we need to settle in. Peter, you can keep cursing me out if you, yeah, see how it's nice being fun size when you fit in my lap in a car full of people. What, I'm not walking after that, I don't care if it's til we reach the parking. Let's go, Rhodes. Pepper, I'm fine. "

Clint offers a high five. Tony responds and that's that. Out of sight, Ned gives him a fist bump and MJ keeps on reading her book. It could just be his imagination, but Tony's sure she's smiling, approval clear on her face. He preens, glad to have her blessing, and settles his head on Peter's fluffy hair.

-----

When they're all laughing in a booth, smashed together and picking food off of everyone's plate, Peter nuzzles the crook of his neck, holds his hand and squeezes it. Tony smiles, lights up and shoves at Sam's face when the trio of best friends tease him for puffing his chest out when his boyfriend ever so softly says, "I love you."

"I love you, too." The table whoops and calls for another round of food and Coca-Cola, their family grinning at them and fondly teasing the new couple. Tony grins back, high on this feeling of warmth and happiness and safety and love.

And then Peter presses ice cold lips onto his neck and he lets out a shout, pain coursing through him when a knee slams into the table. His eyes water and through the haze of agony he sees their friends exchanging cash, some grumbling and others smirking. Rhodey and MJ, he notes, are the ones that win the most. They high five before pocketing the cash and ordering dessert.

Peter kisses his cheek, smile innocent and eyes wicked. It's his own fault Tony snatches an ice cube and slips it below his Nirvana shirt. He only has five seconds to lord his victory over Peter before there's ice cream being smeared on his cheek. They battle then, accidentally sending food into Wanda's lap, Clint's hair and Bucky's face.

In less than a minute they are all covered in shawarma and participating in the fight. Peter shrieks when Tony pulls him into his lap, gets chicken on the varsity jacket and tries to wriggle away. But Tony kisses him, tastes ice cream and joy, thanks whoever decided to give him a break and find this incredible person dozing on the roof of the school with Ned and MJ one spring afternoon. Peter kisses back and, at the same time, they say, confidently, honestly,

"I love you."

This is dedicated to @drarryismyshit07

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haughtbreaker · 5 years

Link

Gus returns home the morning after the party to find a tense household. Nicole wrestles with the events that had happened the night before.

Special thanks as always to @jaybear1701 for putting up with my shitty punctuation habits. Sorry it took so long for this chapter. There was a con, a bunch of unexpected life stuff and just my brain not willing to cooperate. Yeah I might have been listening to a bit of Death Cab for Cutie while I wrote this, hence the title.

There’s a Spotify playlist for this fic that goes up to whatever the current chapter is if anyone is interested.

TW: Blood and graphic depiction of a suicide attempt

"Where's your sister?" Gus shucked off her coat before she took a seat at the table. She'd only had a few hours of sleep in the room above the bar but it had taken the edge off the exhaustion and given the girls time to clean up. Well, to be honest, it gave Waverly time. Wynonna, as always, was nowhere to be seen.

"Still sleeping." Waverly set a mug of coffee and an empty plate in front of her. "You know how she gets."

Yes, Gus knew exactly how Wynonna could get. Considering the house wasn't in shambles and they weren't in the emergency room, they got off easy. "Well, I suppose she's forgotten she's to have community service today." Gus began to pull pancakes and scrambled eggs onto her plate from the different serving dishes. "Luckily, Randy is hungover." Gus smiled at Rosita who was quietly alternating bites of pancakes, paying attention, and scrolling through her phone. "Enjoy meeting the hooligans of Purgatory?"

Rosita grinned around her fork. "They're not too bad. Strangely comfortable with nudity in the snow, but other than that, not much different than back home."

Gus looked at Waverly in question.

"Go Devils," Waverly said as she sat down with a bowl of fruit and oatmeal.

"Ah, hockey team, got it." Gus unfolded the newspaper she'd brought home and began to skim the articles. There was a sale on her favorite fertilizer and she made a mental note to stop at the hardware store. "Is Nicole still sleeping as well? She's usually up bright and early helping you with breakfast." She looked at Waverly over the top of the newspaper.

Waverly didn't look up from her oatmeal, just shrugged. "I think so. I haven't seen her this morning."

Gus rose an eyebrow. In the past few weeks, Waverly and Nicole had slowly grown to become inseparable. While the changes in Nicole, from her original forlorn state, had been the most obvious, Gus could swear even Waverly had started to look a bit brighter. Not just in the smile she gave everyone, but deep in her eyes - a glimmer that had begun to truly sparkle. What in the world had happened that had made Waverly unwilling to look up?

There was a soft beep from Rosita's phone and she sniffled. "I think Nicole just woke up." She took a long sip from her coffee before pushing back from the table. "I'll go see what she's up to. I'll be right back, cause these pancakes are too good to not finish." She tossed a wink at Waverly.

"Could ya let her know Sheriff Nedley is too hungover and her sentence has been delayed again."

Rosita paused, tilting her head for a moment. "Um… I'm going to need the deets on that but I'll let her know."

Watching Rosita leave, Gus turned her attention back to Waverly who was absentmindedly stabbing at her oatmeal, not really eating it. Her eyes didn't seem to be focused on anything, just gazing off into nothingness. Interesting.

---

Nicole looked down at the familiar desk, worn and comfortable. She could feel the burn in her eyes but she wasn't exactly sure why. The taste of vodka clung to her tongue as she looked around the room. Familiar posters and photos lined the walls, movies and bands she had adored when she'd still had the care to decorate. Hanging from the corner of her closet door, a familiar hoodie drew her attention.

This wasn't Purgatory. She knew that and she knew it was wrong, yet still she felt the comfort of familiarity numbing her curiosity. She was moving before she knew what she was doing, grabbing the hoodie and sliding it on. It was a little snug, not fit for her own frame, but fit for her on another level. The scent of coconut lotion was woven into the threads and she hugged the material to her as she moved back to her desk.

In her hand there was suddenly a photo, she and Shae sitting in the sand together, faces covered in smiles of unknowing. Nicole didn't want to be there anymore. The comfort of familiarity was replaced with the cold of a blade, one of her father's replacement blades for his box cutter. A song played on repeat from her phone, one of Shae's favorites. She looked down at her arms, coconut-scented sleeves already pushed up past her elbows, not wanting to get the material wet as vodka suddenly pooled on the desk from the bottle she didn't remember tipping over.

The movies had been wrong, she thought, as the spilled vodka began to turn red. They hadn't prepared her for the way flesh parted. There weren't neat lines that slowly seeped crimson, but rather layers of muscle that seemed to spill out once free from their flesh casing. The movies hadn't told her how she didn't have the grip strength to go as deep or far with the second cut. She felt the warm touch of another hand covering her own, a familiar presence giving her the strength she needed to keep cutting.

Over the sound of the song playing on repeat and the percussion of her father suddenly banging on the door, she heard the voice in her ear.

"Follow me."

Nicole jerked awake, gasping in pain as she looked down at her arms. Familiar scars greeted her, dark red lines with their train tracks of stitch marks. A familiar pain pulsed through her arms and she winced, taking a moment to breathe in and out. It had been a while since she felt the pain in her arms like this. Physical therapy had helped with it the most, but she hadn't been since getting to Purgatory. Maybe that was stupid.

Experimentally, she opened and closed her hands, feeling the tug from within that hadn't existed a year ago. They'd told her she was lucky there hadn't been extensive nerve damage, that she still had a grip at all.

That she was still alive.

That she had her whole life to look forward to.

With a soft sigh, she looked around the room, noticing Rosita wasn't anywhere to be seen. Her phone told her it was past nine, later than she normally woke up. She was usually downstairs by now, helping Waverly with breakfast.

Suddenly, as if someone flipped a switch, all the memories from the night came back to her. She remembered the drinking and that stupid game. She remembered kissing Wynonna. She remembered the jealousy that had flared up when Rosita kissed Waverly.

She remembered the barn - the bite of cold being chased away by the caress of soft lips, the warmth of fingertips against her cheek.

Oh God, Nicole thought, laying back and pulling the covers over her head. What the hell had she done? She paused for a moment. What the hell did Waverly do?

Pushing back the blankets, she looked for her phone before pulling it back to her, quickly pulling up her IMs.

I need you.

Nicole hit the send button before pulling up her social media. No weird photos. No idiotic, drunken posts. It was a small comfort in the whirlwind of emotions that were rolling through her. Of course, she hadn't been that drunk. Why the hell was she even checking? She knew there was no point, but still she scrolled through, pausing to like a photo Rosita had posted of the bottle from the night before, tagged #drama. That was the damn truth.

She remembered everything.

Everything.

Her fingertips came up to trace her lips, once again remembering the soft caress before she pulled her hand back, her eyes falling to the scar on her forearm. "Fuck." The word slipped from her lips just a second before a body fell onto the bed with her. "Shit!" She gasped as the blanket was pulled back.

"You're finally up." Rosita wiggled into a more comfortable position.

"Rosie…"

"Oh hey, Gus said to tell you something about the Sheriff wants to delay your sentence again… due to a hangover?" Rosita gave her a questioning look.

"Oh, great… I completely forgot about that."

"Sentence?" Rosita poked at Nicole's side. "What the shit is that about?"

"Wynonna," Nicole responded as if it explained everything. When she got no response, she looked over at rubbed at her eyes. "She got us arrested for drinking in public and we have to do some shit community service."

Rosita hummed positively. "Such a rebel. You were never arrested back home."

Nicole sighed heavily. "Did you bring me any water?"

"Did you ask for water?" Rosita snorted and picked up a glass and a bottle of aspirin. "I brought it up earlier."

"God, I fucking love you." Nicole sat up before accepting both. The world spun slightly but she powered through it, gulping down the water.

"Don't forget your other pills."

Nicole nodded, grabbing her backpack and hauling it onto her lap. "Can't forget those." She went through the process of shaking out the collection of pills. "Can't… forget… these." The remnants of her dream still tugged at her mind even as she swallowed the handful of medication, false sanity that left a bitter taste on her tongue.

"Hey. You okay?" Rosita reached up to push a lock of auburn hair behind Nicole's ear. "What's up with that text?"

Nicole cradled the glass in her hands, pursing her lips. "Yeah… sorry, just a little panic from waking up from a bad dream." She'd contemplated bringing up the kiss to Rosita, but the words seemed to stick to her tongue, a hard-to-swallow pill that caused more anxiety than it soothed.

"So it has nothing to do with you and Waverly mysteriously disappearing for a chunk of time last night?"

In the middle of another sip, Nicole nearly choked on the water. "What?"

Rosita shrugged. "I mean, not like anyone else was paying attention or anything but it's pretty suspicious when you suddenly disappear after Waverly kisses me and then she goes after you." Rosita gave her a suspicious look.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Nicole crossed her arms over her chest with a huff.

"Uh huh. Sure."

Nicole hesitated, weighing the pros and cons of just coming out and saying it. "Waverly kissed me." The words came out before she could stop them.

"She kissed me too," Rosita joked. "She's actually really great at it." She paused for a moment, turning to look at Nicole closer. As if sensing Nicole's discomfort, Rosita pursed her lips, folding her legs under her. "But I'm guessing she didn't kiss you the way she kissed me."

Squirming uncomfortably, Nicole changed positions. "No." She had her legs crossed, her hands folded in her lap.

"Okay so this is a we totally need to talk about it kind of kiss."

Nicole took a deep breath. It was so easy to turn her arms, to see the dark red marks on her skin again - permanent reminders. She curled her hands into fists, turning the scars away, as if she could pretend they weren't there. "I think we both drank too much and we were in the barn with just the two of us…"

Rosita reached over, slipping her hand into Nicole's. "By that, I'm guessing you kissed her back."

"I just… it hasn't even been a year since…" Nicole swallowed audibly, her words stuck in her mouth. It felt wrong to bring up Shae while talking about Waverly, but how could she avoid it? "I mean… I'm feeling so many damn emotions, I don't even know what to do anymore. Everything just keeps piling up and up and it's like I can see it about to tip over but I can't stop it."

"You're allowed to be happy, Nicole."

"I know."

Rosita snorted. "Do you? Because right now you're acting like you're supposed to be punished."

"Maybe I am…" Nicole spoke softly. She couldn't forget about the fight she'd had with Shae, how their last words had been an argument.

How she'd basically put Shae in that car.

Even if she verbally agreed with Rosita, she knew she didn't deserve to be happy. She deserved to be in pain for the rest of her life, loving and missing Shae.

"You're an idiot."

Nicole blinked, her head jerking up in surprise. "What the fuck?"

"You… are… an idiot," Rosita said slower, giving her a no-nonsense look.

"Wow… um… okay."

"Nicole, Sweetie." Rosita reached out and tapped the tip of Nicole's nose and Nicole swatted her hand away. "I love you. Like, I love you so much, but you are such an idiot. But, at least you're pretty."

"Why did I even call you up here?" Nicole exhaled loudly.

"I improve the aesthetics of the room." Rosita grinned. "That and your gay panic."

"It's not gay panic."

"It's the prime definition of gay panic."

"You're the prime definition of gay panic."

"That's mature," Rosita snorted. "Anyway, let's get back to you and Waverly and your gay shenanigans."

Nicole groaned, laying back down and covering her face. "I mean… she's not even gay," she huffed, rubbing her eyes. "She was dating Champ of all people." She made a face at his name.

"Excuse me with your gold star bullshit…" Rosita rolled her eyes. "Maybe she's bisexual… or pansexual… or fluid… not everyone adher's to your black and white gay scale, Miss I was born with a vag in my mouth."

"Shut up!" Nicole sat up just so she could push Rosita back.

Rosita just barely stayed sitting up. "Bitch." There was a moment of silence, both just living in the comfort of their friendship until Rosita eventually moved closer, sitting right next to Nicole. "If you honestly believed Waverly were 100% straight, do you think you'd be sitting here about to hyperventilate right now?"

Nicole knew it was true. There was no way to ignore the way Waverly had pressed against her, the softness of her hand against Nicole's cheek and the hunger in her kiss.

Rosita reached up, tugging on a lock of auburn hair. "Do you honestly think you would have stomped off into the cold, dark, night in a jealous fit if you weren't kind of into her?" A moment of silence passed between them before Rosita captured a tear that slipped down Nicole's cheek. "Hey. Come on. This is a good thing."

Nicole pulled away slightly, her hand coming up to rub at her eyes. "Do you…" She sniffled softly. "Do you think Shae would like Waverly?"

"God no, she'd fucking hate her."

Nicole pulled back in surprise, not expecting that comment. "What?"

"I mean, Waverly is fucking amazing," Rosita quickly spoke up, "but she's like… too perfect and you know how much Shae liked being the center of attention." Pausing for a moment, she pursed her lips before continuing. "I mean, even in the short time I've been here, I can tell that this town pretty much worships the ground that girl walks on, which is really fucking weird."

Nicole shook her head. "She's not perfect. She's flawed, and insecure, and…" Nicole looked down at her hands, picking at her nails. "She's so sad sometimes. She's so good at hiding it from everyone, but I guess maybe takes one to know one." She sniffled. "She's so damn guarded behind that damn smile and wave." Shaking her head, she sighed softly. "I'm such a fucking mess, Rosie."

"And that is totally acceptable." Rosita covered Nicole's hands with her own, stopping her picking fingers. "I miss her too, Nicole. Every day, I think about her." Rosita looked down at their hands, the dark red scars evident as always against Nicole's pale arms. "Sometimes I'll be getting dressed and in my head I'll hear her voice like 'you're not really wearing that top with those pants are you?'" She impersonated Shae's questioning voice.

Nicole had to laugh. "That's good. That's… that's definitely Shae." With a sigh, she adjusted her position, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on one knee. "I miss her, every damn day. I think about her, the good and the bad and how much I still love her." Nicole sniffled. "Waverly has this weird ability to… I don't know… calm shit." She took a deep breath, feeling her emotions settling even just thinking about Waverly's presence. "When she's around it's like the storm calms down, or rather makes way for a completely different storm… a storm I want to be in."

"That… is some deep shit." Rosita rolled her eyes. "Now, can we go downstairs so I can finish my breakfast?" She huffed. "Waverly is acting all skittish and the only other person down there is Gus. I need you to keep me company, at least until Wynonna wakes up." She gave Nicole a wink.

"Rosie…" Nicole was thoroughly distracted, as she unfolded her frame. "That is such a bad idea."

Rosita had the decency to smirk. "I know, but you know how much I like a bad idea."

----

"Good morning!"

Waverly looked up at Gus's greeting, seeing Nicole following Rosita into the dining room. She immediately got up from her seat to retrieve the coffee to pour Nicole a cup.

"Happy New Year." Nicole smiled at Gus. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I would have here," Gus answered with a chuckle.

Nicole stepped up to Waverly, who was holding a mug in her direction. "Thank you." She offered Waverly a smile and Waverly's cheeks flushed slightly.

"Of course. Have a seat and eat something."

Nicole nodded, taking a seat next to Rosita who had resumed alternating bites of her breakfast and typing into her phone.

"So, what are you lot up to today?" Gus folded up the paper she'd been reading, setting it aside. "Not much is open today. Everyone's nursing a hangover."

"I have a fantastic idea." Wynonna came bounding down the stairs and into the room. "Hey Gus, Baby Girl, Red…" She paused at Rosita, offering her a wink, "Hottie." She looked at Waverly whose eyebrows shot up to nearly her hairline. "We got some fresh snow last night. We should head out to Nakiska, show these Californians a good time."

"Naked kissing what?" Rosita perked up.

Nicole coughed loudly, nearly choking on a mouthful of eggs.

"Nakiska," Waverly corrected. "Wynonna wants to go snowboarding." She pursed her lips, thinking over the idea. "That could be fun. Did you want to drag the boys along?"

Wynonna snorted, dropping down next to Waverly and grabbing a pancake and beginning to pour syrup over it. "They wish. How about just us? Just a bunch of gals… being pals?" She looked at Rosita and licked a bit of syrup off her fingertip with a wink.

"Oh boy." Nicole focused on her own plate.

"We don't have to… if you don't want." Waverly smiled softly.

"No. It sounds like fun." Nicole nodded. "I've been wondering how different it is from surfing."

"Well I definitely can't tell you that." Waverly laughed, a sound that made Nicole smile wider. "Not a lot of ocean around here."

"Yeah. I've noticed." Nicole chuckled. "I don't know if we have any snowboarding worthy stuff."

"No worries. We've got a bunch of stuff. I'm sure we can find something to fit," Waverly added, looking at Wynonna.

"Yeah. I'm sure we can find something warm you can slip into."

Gus looked around the table and sighed heavily.

#wayhaught #wynonna earp #pmm #tw: suicide #tw: blood

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gamegrumpiess · 6 years

Text

Sleepwalk

I was listening to Sleepwalk by Renee Olstead, and I had this idea.

Grump: Danny (from now on, most will be Danny. Unless you request someone else, which I will be happy to do!)

Btw! I'm this plot, Renee didn't write the lyrics. You did! She isn't even a singer in this universe. Just a heads up.

Y/n's POV

I can't sleep tonight. It's been a month since me and Danny broke up, but I can't help but still mourn our relationship. It was mutual, at least that's what he thinks. I would've never called it off. I was so in love with him. I still am. We told the fans, and they were pretty supportive in what we did. A lot of them were really sad, as was I. Danny is a singer just like me. I do silly songs just like him. But he encouraged me to do a cover album or a cover song. I did one album, Cover Me Up was the name. It got a lot of love, which I am very proud of.

I turn on my phone to check the time. 4:23 am. The bold numbers shine at me in front of Danny's face. I couldn't bring it to myself to change my screensaver. It's not like anyone's gonna see. I miss him a lot, every night gets harder than the last. He was my world. I've known him since senior year of high school, he was a huge part of my life. And now... That's no more. He's probably living his best life. Being Danny Sexbang and all. He probably has girls flying at his feet, throwing him their panties and offering 'the night of his life'. I understand I might be over thinking, but I can't help it. He was mine, and now he's out there doing who knows what. I let a few stray tears fall down ontou pillow. It's so lonely here at night now. I love what I do, singing, dancing, having fun. It was just so much more amazing when I had someone to share it with.

I lay my head back a stare at the ceiling. I need to distract myself, so I reach for my headphones and plug them in, looking for my Oldies playlist. I click on it and the song that comes on is Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny. Listening to the slow beat and light guitar, I cry even more. Just my luck, huh? I can't just lay here, I really should get up and something. Writing usually helps me calm down. That's when I get an idea for a song, it's a bit sad and people will know exactly who its about. But maybe that's what needs to happen. My feelings should be out there. And if something goes wrong, I'll accept the outcomes.

I pull up my pen and notebook and just start writing.

"Sleepwalk, instead of dreamin' I

Sleepwalk.

Cause' I lost you and now, what am I to do?

Can't believe that we're through.

Sleep talk. Cause' I miss you, I sleep talk.

While the memories of you wither like a soul.

Darling I was so low.

The night fills me with blame. I see your face, tears through my brain.

I know I miss you so. I still love you, drives me insane.

Sleepwalk. Every night I just sleepwalk. Please come back, and when you walk inside the door, I will sleepwalk no more."

I immediately went to my computer set up and staring out my own little version of Sleepwalk. More of like a piano and violin cover, rather than guitar and drum. Once I had it to where I wanted the beat and rhythm, I pulled up my microphone and started singing away.

Danny's POV

This morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep at all, I've been up since 3:30 am. I guess I haven't really gotten used to sleeping by myself. Without y/n's body near mine, it's hard to even get tired. I do miss her. A lot actually. I know it was my idea to call off the relationship, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn't have enough time for her. I have game grumps, starbomb, and ninja sex party. She deserves someone who has all the time in the world to give her all the attention she deserves. When we told the fans, I didn't expect them to be so sad. I even lost a handful of fans because of it. She agreed, but I knew her better. She was on the verge of tears when she left. She was trying to be strong so I wouldn't see that side of her, but I know better than that. When she left I broke down. Gripped and clawed at my hair, cried on the edge of the bed, wondering if I had made the right choice. I big-huge part of me was telling myself I didn't.

My phone buzzes, and I see its a text from Arin.

When you get here I need to show you something.

Oh what fresh hell does he have to subject my eyes to. Last time he said that, I had to watch 12 Days Of Elves... Don't ask.

I finally arrived at the Grump Space. I see everyone in their usual area. Ryan and Matt at the computers, Ross and Barry in the kitchen making coffee, and the only other people here this early is Arin and me. Everyone else usually is a little late. "Thank god you're finally here. You haven't felt your phone buzzing?" I give him a confused look. "Other than you texting me, no. You know I have notifications turned off for my social media. What's going on?" He turns on the computer in front of us. "You should hear this before anything. I promise you, it's important." I roll my eyes. "This better not be some stupid shit, Arin!" I say with a light laugh. He shook his head, and I knew from the look in his eyes that this was in fact important.

Once the computer was fully on, he went to YouTube. Looking up y/n's name, I felt my stomach turn. Did she have a new boyfriend? Was she sick? Did she die?! I understand that last one is a bit of a long shot, but I tend to over think a lot.

A video was uploaded at 7:00 am this morning? "' sleepwalk? ' isn't that an old song?" I say confused. But I'm not all that surprised. She always did love the oldies. He nods his head. "She added her own lyrics and tune to it. And I think you should hear it." I nodded and put on some earphones, pushing play on the video. Her voices comes on, and it feels so amazing to hear her voice again. Even if it is just an intro in a YouTube video.

"Hello everyone. I had this idea for a song at like 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I made this. I hope you like it..."

The video fades to black and then it shows her at her little office space she has in her room. The music starts up, and at this point I notice her eyes. They're a little red and slightly puffy. She did a good job covering it up, but I've known her since senior year. She can't hide that from me.

She sings softly yet with so much passion and emotion. The lyrics sink in, and I know why Arin wanted to hear this. Its about me. I scroll down to look at the description and comments, and they all say things along the lines of 'I fucken sad now.' 'Wow, Danny really did a number on her' 'DANNY YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS SHIT!' 'This makes me so sad because she literally couldn't sleep thinking about him... Danny get your girl back!' 'Damn that made me tear up... '

After the video ended, I look at my phone. Y/n's face still smiles at me from behind the screen. I didn't want to change it, I couldn't do it. I felt several tears hit my leg, I didn't even realize i was crying. "Hey Dan, are you okay?" Arin puts his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "No... I'm not at all." I open up Twitter and see thousands of notifications to nsp and game grumps. All of which telling me to see what I just saw. I stood up slowly, feeling a little disappointed in myself. How could I let her walk out of my life so easily...?

Y/n's POV

After I posted the video, I decided I should really try to get some sleep. Especially since thousands of people will blow up my phone later on. Once in bed again, I tried to think of all the possibilities and outcomes of this. It could either go really well, or go really horribly bad. I guess we'll just have to see.

I wake up several hours later to my phone ringing. The sky is still a little bright to I assume it's not that late. 'Suzy <3' shines up at me. I smile, me and her always stayed quite close. "Hello?" I try to run the sleep out of my eyes. "Hey, are feeling okay? I heard your song, and I know it's about Dan. How are you, hun?"

It means a lot that she's not just calling about GET HIM BACK! She just wants to know if I'm okay. "Honestly? I feel so empty. Luckily today is just a lazy day so I don't have to adult today. But still.... I feel lost." I hear her sigh, "I know, y/n. It sucks. But you have me! And I'm way better than Danny!" She says jokingly. "Damn right you are! I'll call you a bit later when I'm more awake, okay?" We say our goodbyes and I sit up more in bed. I take a quick look at my notification bar and just as I expected, its blowin up. 'When will I stop being a pussy?' My thoughts we're interrupted by several rings of my doorbell.

Without looking through the peephole I open the door, only to see a certain curly haired man standing on my doorstep. "Danny? What are you doing here?" His eyes are glazed over and puffy as if he had just finished crying. He looked down. "I.... I heard your song. Was it... Was it about me? I'm sorry, I just need to know. I couldn't focus at all today during work. And on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have to know." My anxiety goes up a long shot. My eyes looking at everyone but him. "Y/n... I need to know." I slowly nod my head, still avoiding his eyes. "May I come in? I think we should talk.." I scoot to the side to let him in. "I'm sorry if I caused a lot of drama. I just thought... It would be better if I just made it into a song rather than.. Just telling you." I confessed. He grabbed my shoulders. "Don't be sorry, y/n. When we broke up, and you left. I broke down. I couldn't handle the fact that I just let you go.. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you do it? Why wait so fucking long to come to my house?! Why hurt me this bad, leaving me all alone when all I wanted was you! I hated knowing that YOU let me just walk out. And you looked like you... Like you didn't even give a shit..." I couldn't help it. I let all my emotions explode on him. "Why do you think I did?! Y/n, you deserve someone who has the time for you, who will give you all the attention in the world. Someone who will GIVE you the world! I want nothing more than to have you back again, but you don't deserve someone like me! I love with all my soul, hell, I'd give up everything for your dumbass! I didn't say anything till now because I thought you'd be mad, and I thought you'd moved on, hated me even!" He was standing pretty close to me by now. "Well no shit I'd be mad! You think I don't deserve you? Bullshit! You've already given me the world and more! Don't think that I don't understand about your job because I do the same fucking thing!!! I know it's hard, but I was willing to work even harder because I love you more than life itself! I deserve you just like you deserve me!" He rolled his eyes. "You're fucking gorgeous! You can have any man you want! What the hell is so special about me?" I got in his face once again, "because you are so much better than any other man I've met! We've known each other for YEARS and you think I'd just give all that up?! What kinda drugs are you on, Dan? Do you think I'm that fucken dumb? I haven't slept in weeks because it feels so horrible not having you next to me. That's some bullshit to say that I can have any man I want. I want YOU, dipshit!" I couldn't help it, I fell to my knees, shaking from trying to hold back tears. How he say that I didn't deserve him? He was my world, he still is my world. Nothing will change that.

He walks to me, and sits on the floor with me. I feel his arms wrap around me, and I lean into his chest. "I'm sorry.. I loved you more than anything. I still do. Can you please give me another chance..? Now, I won't ever think you don't deserve me. I won't think anything like that. You mean the world to me, y/n. Please don't forget that." I look up at him, seeing his eyes filled with new tears. "Well duh, how can i say no to this face?" I grab his cheeks and smush them together and laugh. "I love you too, Danny." He smiled and leaned in and gave me a much needed kiss.

#danny sexbang #game grumps #dan avidan x reader #dan x reader #dan avidan

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alemeino-blog · 6 years

Text

You're More Than Enough

Pairing: Kustard(like what other ship ya gonna write Ale?)

Tags:(haha pain) Implied suicide attempt, mentioned depression, hurt/comfort, angst, light smut if ya wince,

************

Sleep usually was their time of relaxation. Especially for Sans, loving the feeling of Red's arms pulling him close and securely, protecting him from any of the outside forces. His smile would be genuine as he managed fall asleep peacefully, knowing the other would be there in the morning, hearing the pulse of magic from the monster next to him. He loved that feeling more than the stars he would see in his dreams. 'heh, only Red is my star,' Sans would often think.

But today wasn't one of those days.

Sans couldn't sleep. Couldn't even close his eyes without fearing the other would be gone when they opened again. Red may have his eyes closed, may have shown no signs of distress, but Sans knew better. He felt how his breaths were short and choppy. Saw the trails of red translucent magic going down his face. And Sans also saw way Red's eyes were scrunched close.

He was faking it.

But Sans rather have the other pretending then off trying to-

The quiet barely did anything to hide the hiccups he gave, trying to hold it down fearing Red might hear him. Last thing he needed was making Red feel worse than the state he found him in.

Lacking the sight of the skeleton in the house, was enough to make Sans' soul pound with fear. Wasting no time he ran to where it would lead to. The place of which brought so many, and Sans didn't dare think of those who wouldn't come back. Frantically, he pushed past any monsters that just were to be in his way. Luckily, Waterfall was a mostly isolated place, the silence accompanying. Slipper against rock echoed through the caverns, Sans reaching speeds that would surprise the heck outta Papyrus. He would never be bothered to run his fast, run at all.

But for Red?

He would drink all the mustard in the goddamn world.

His steps felt squishier, as water splashed onto his tibia and fibula. He didn't look up, worrying that that extra seond would he just a second late before Red-

"S-,s-,sweetheart?"

His voice. Just that was enough for the skeleton to open his eye, to stop abruptly, causing the water to hurt in front of him. Almost as if they were hands, trying to pull Red to him but disappearing after getting there too late.

But it wasn't that they were late.

Just that they couldn't reach.

Red looked back at him, the red trails a telltale sign. His body shook, predicting the emotional collapse as it begged for the gates to open already. He was just a few inches from the edge, a few inches from the dark pit that raised so many questions.

A few inches, from death.

Sans wanted to slap him across the face, but his hands gently went to the others scarred ones. He wanted to push him off, to yell at him for being such a fucking idiot. Yet his arms moved to embrace him, his head burrying in that turtleneck as he felt Red's soul pulse.

He wanted to scold him for making him run at this time of night, but he found himself whimpering, tears forming in his sockets. Before the other could react he pushed himself off, holding back the beads of magic that wanted the skeleton to pull him close, to stroke his shaking form and tell him everything would be alright.

But he wasn't the one in need.

"Red," Sans said, using all his strengths to keep his voice from quivering. "What are you doing out here? Especially at this late at night?" It was a rhetorical question really. But it could be the only way to get Red to open up, to let all those emotions out.

"N-,n-,nothing heh," Red said, plastering on a smile. But he knew Sans wasn't falling for it. "Jus' takin' a l-,l-,late stroll."

"Out here?," Sans said, returning a grin. "Look if you're feeling down in the dumps you can tell me." Red chuckled, before they turned to hiccups as red magic trailed down his face. Sans walked towards the skeleton, grateful he wasn't lying like he usually did.

"It's alright," he cooed, gently tracing his hand across the other's face. The response was Red's eyelights locked on him, yet they were shaking with fear and forlorn. "I'm here." He tried, making his words as gentle as possible while hiding his own anxiety. Without a thought he wrapped his arms around Red, and teleported them home.

When they got home Red didn't even talk things out, just called it a night and walked upstairs to their shared room. Sans wanted to pressure on, but feared making things worse. So he could only follow, Red not bothering to take his jacket off as he laid on the bed. As soon as he did, Sans sat on the bed, arranging Red's head to rest in his laps as he stroke it gently.

He still was, only his methaphorical throat was choking with sobs. He couldn't, not with Red's state. He knew that bastard would set his own feelings to the side and comfort him, push away all his pain just to wipe away his tears and tell him it was fine. That he was okay as long as he was smiling.

Lies.

Why couldn't Red tell him? Why couldn't Red let Sans be that shoulder the other was for him every time he needed? Why did he have to be so fucking stubborn and hide his pain from him? Why couldn't Red just let him help?

Sans sighed frustrated, but it came out shaking, a tear finding its way down and dripping onto Red's skull. Looking down, ready to wipe it away quickly, he was met with red eyelights. He stood frozen, as if in trance with those crimsom lights and like a revealing spell, more tears trailed down the skeleton's face. Before the other could wipe away his tears and once more, force his feelings down, Sans pushed it away.

"N-,no Red," he said. "You're not pushing your feelings aside again. You're not dealing with this by yourself again. Goddamn it Red just fucking talk to me. I'm here for you, you can trust me I promise I can help you just please..." God he was begging for that hand again so he could lay his head against it, letting it hold all his thoughts that weighed down his mind. "Don't forget that you're important, just b-,because of m-,me." God he hated when his voice cracked, but he wouldn't let himself cry. Red needed him more, needed to talk needed that shoulder to cry on.

Red looked at Sans, tears still in his eyes as he reached up to trace his fingers across Sans' cheekbones. Sans didn't resist, if this is what it got for Red to talk, hopefully, then he would go along.

"Will it g-,get ya to q-,quit woryin' over sh-,shity ol' me?," Red asked, looking up at Sans with both concernity and need. Sans sighed, this wasn't what he wanted. 'Damn you Red for being so fucking caring,' Sans thought, but nodded anyways. They could talk about this later anyways.

"Heh, Ah'm jus' tired ya know," he chuckles. "Tired of havin' tah make ya deal with mah shit, tired of endin' up hurtin' ya cuz Ah can't fuckin' control it." Tears began trailing down as Red continued. "Now look at me, cryin' like a fucking pathetic idiot. H-,hurtin' ya more than Ah already did... M-,makin' ya run out in the middle of the goddamn n-,night..." Red looked as if he wanted to continue, but Sans couldn't take Red beating himself up anymore.

"Stop it," Sans said firmly, holding back a sob at the sight of seeing the person he loved so dearly hating himself so much. "Stop blaming yourself for all these little things! We all make mistakes and sometimes emotions get the best of us but that's no exuse to kill yourself! Red I don't care if I have to run across the whole damn underground for a whole day just to remind you how much you're worth, just to remind you to not give up because there will always be people who care. Because I will always be waiting here with my arms open, ready for you to cry your problems and I won't judge. Instead I'll keep telling you the same thing over and over again and I'll show you just how much you mean to me, and how much value you have."

Sans never noticed when Red had gotten up so when Red grabbed his chin and leaned in for a kiss he nearly jumped, but then melted into the kiss as Red's tongue danced with his. Sans grabbed the other's jacket, pulling him deeper into the heated kiss. He felt Red's hand on his chest and let the other push him down, Sans never letting go of the other's jacket. He was here, here on top of him, here dominating his mouth, here alive. They parted, a web of purple saliva connecting them.

"Yer too good fer me sweetheart," Red smiles, only stains of the red magical trails left. "Ah don't deserve ya.."

Sans smiled, tracing his fingers gently against Red's face, wiping out one of the trails left. He didn't care how many times he had to say it, and how many more he would. Just to make sure, he would always look up at Red, and smile at him genuinely, his face showing nothing but the pure love his words spilled out next.

"Red, you deserve all the good in the goddamn world."

*******************

Everyone: Holy shit that depressed ass is alive? El gasp!

Yes unfortunately I have come again with another shit fic ha ha. This one on a bit of the angstier side. But welp been feeling like shit latetly. But yo, I will do some rare shit

Talk on le fic!

So yeah plenty of ya peeps know about mah issue and shit so may freak ya out how I am writing from the outside perspective. Okay shit is I ship Kustard in the way both have depression and both help each other out but, in the same sense that they each deal with it differently. It was sorta hard for me writing in the outside perspective that still had that understandment, in which I still failed XD. Still I just don't care and it came to me this morning and it is fucking 5 AM so fuck off!!!

Oh yeah and, yo all you sinners

Have fun ;)

Another thing is this might be a sequel to Just Enough probably? Eh

And shout out to @ask-sugar-skull-sans for being my Sans(IN THE PLATONIC WAY YOU SINNERS)

#alemeino #kustard #fanfic #red #underfell sans #undertale sans #angst #implied suicide attempt #mentioned depression #hurt/comfort #light smut if ya wince #they just kiss heatedly #then up ti y'alls imagination #haha this sucks #welp fuck it i just did #sequel to just enough #TUMBLR IS CHRISTIAN HOMOPHOBIC

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