#but make it sad

[hippielittlemetalhead]

Part 3 (One of Us) of 'Never Took The Time (To Forget)' previously known as 'Hopper Adopts Steve But Make It Sad'

Part 1 (Hop fucks up), Part 2 (Pride and Prejudices: Joyce Edition)

Here's a bit more for you filthy animals 😘

Much like he's come to expect from the small soldiers these children have fashioned themselves into he's not surprised when they come pouring out of whichever of the twins' rooms they shoved themselves in like codependent sardines. He's not surprised by the looks of anger and disappointment and confusion. Claudia Henderson's kid -Dustin- looks on the edge of tears with a grim set to his mouth that reminds him of when the kid's mom is beyond words in her slow-burning fury. El and Will have matching looks of disappointed confusion.

What he's not expecting is the way Mike and the younger (usually more volatile) Sinclair are holding onto an incensed looking Lucas. Lucas who has always been the polite one when it came to addressing adults and the one to preach caution and thinking plans through. Lucas who has been quiet and withdrawn since Hop came back, spending his days at the edge of Party affairs when not helping in the rebuilding efforts around town or sitting at Max's bedside.

"What the fuck, Hopper?" The kid spits out and that seems to snap the rest of The Party into action. Will goes to join the two holding Sinclair back but Dustin starts near incoherently yelling in that screechy pitch only that kid seemed to be able to hit about bullshit cops and useless adults and to let Lucas go. "He idolized you, man! Would tell us all the time that you were 'one of the good ones' that if we ever needed anyone and he wasn't there, to find you. That you would take care of us because that's just what you did for people. Because you were good!"

"Lucas, chill out man." Mike pants though he's also glaring daggers at Hop.

This is where Joyce (god bless her) decides to step in. "Lucas, honey-" She says with her soft voice and big wet eyes and that warmth she seems to infuse into everything she touched. "It's complicated. There's some things you just don't understand and-"

"No! You two don't understand! Steve is GOOD. He's good and he cares and he takes care of everyone else and he always kept us safe." The kid seems to be losing some of his steam, pulling at his friends less and resigned to shaking in barely contained fury. "He gets hurt and he gets back up and he apologizes for taking a fall in the first place! He's just Good."

"I know he's been good to you kids and I appreciate that, I really do Lucas." Joyce says, her voice a little stronger, that steadiness returning. "Sometimes people in our lives can do bad things to others and we don't see it because we care about them and that's not always a bad thing. But we have to remember that the people who were wronged are allowed to be upset and that's normal to feel and-"

"You mean like Jonathan?" The room goes quiet. Will looks resigned but not surprised by Lucas' question but the rest of the kids look just as confused as him and Joyce. "Did you really think Steve broke his camera -in the school parking lot of all places- for the hell of it? Did you seriously never question it?"

Hop feels something twist in his gut. He had been so caught up in the search for Will and wrangling a frantic Joyce that he hadn't paid any attention to small-town squabbles like two teenagers having it out in the school parking lot, the destruction of personal property or what might have triggered it. He looks over the kids' heads to see Jonathan and his stoner buddy standing just outside his door. The friend looks confused but Jon is looking at his mom who hasn't noticed him yet like a man preparing himself for the gallows.

"Mom." Joyce's eyes snap from where they were locked on Lucas up to her oldest son. "Mom, I-"

"What are they talking about Jon?" It's quiet. Quiet and scared because everyone in the room knows that whatever secret reason Lucas (and maybe Will?) seems to be the only one to know Steve had for picking a fight isn't going to be good. Jonathan's mouth opens like he's going to say something but no words come out. "Honey, what did you do?"

"He took pictures of Steve and his friends the night Barbara Holland disappeared."

"Will?" all eyes except Lucas' (who is still glaring daggers at Hop) are on the two brothers. One scared and almost pleading the other disappointed and resolved.

"He hid in the bushes and took pictures of Steve and his friends with Nancy and Barbara. There were pictures of Barbara at the Harrington place before she died and he never told anyone. But there were also-" He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes like he can't look at his older brother who has hung his shaggy head under everyone's heavy gaze. "There were pictures of just Steve and Nancy. Alone together. In Steve's room."

There's a sharp gasp that he thinks came from Joyce but he's too busy watching the young man he's come to consider a son. His head is still lowered and his shoulders are curving in on themselves as he shakes off the hand his long-haired friend tries to place on his shoulder.

"Oh baby," Joyce's voice is wet again. A tone of horrified disappointment to it that Hop has only heard her use when talking to or about one other person. "Tell me you didn't."

"Then he-" Will clears his throat like this one is what gives him pause. "He was caught developing the pictures in the school's darkroom. All of the pictures. And he had zoomed in on Steve's window. Nancy was the center of the shot." The kid's eyes flit over to Mike (who is now turning an interesting shade of red as he glares at Jonathan) before he blushes and looks at the ground, "She uh-"

Lucas does not seem to share Will's newfound hesitance in the face of an enraged Mike Wheeler. "Most of the upperclassmen argue if she had a bra or not but they all seem to agree she didn't have a top."

"Oh my god." Everyone was frozen as Joyce began to crumble. "Oh my god." He reached out to catch her, her nails digging into his arm through his shirt sleeve as she stared unseeing at her oldest son.

Jonathan started forward. "Mom, I-" a hand in the middle of his chest stopped him. "Will, please, I need to-"

"Just stop, man." Lucas sighs. "You started this shit, you gotta deal with it before you hurt someone else besides Steve."

"I didn't mean to hurt Steve."

Hops feels himself frozen to the spot in a way he's not used to anymore these days. His mind is working overtime picking out all of the charges that could have been pressed even against a boy of 15/16 if any of the kids in Harrington's inner circle had told an actual adult about the situation. The veritable legal hell that would have been brought down on Joyce while searching for a son legally assumed dead.

"Is that what you told yourself when you helped Nancy cheat?" And it just kept getting worse.

Joyce gives off a whimper and the kids gathered make varied sounds of shock and disgust.

"They were broken up."

"Were they? Cause everybody at school and half the town seems to all know about you and Nancy disappearing together when Steve was still calling her his girlfriend and then you all showed back up to school, Steve beat to hell again and Nancy hanging all over you. The basketball team STILL talk about it."

He's heard enough. "Alright, that's it!" He yells out over the children yelling and Joyce demanding answers and Jonathan's friend trying to say something about there being some sort of explanation. "This doesn't help us help Steve."

Lucas shakes off the loose hold Erica and Mike still had on him and crosses his arms as he rolls back his shoulders and tilts his jaw up to fix him with a glare. The kid's stance is almost arrogant but Hop can't help but notice the way he rests his weight on his off side, his shoulders back and his posture straight without his chest puffing out ridiculously like Hop is used to from teenage boys gearing for a fight.

"I think you've helped enough, Hopper." It's quiet and biting and he lets himself have a moment of grief for the childhood these kids lost, and the fact that he's almost positive Lucas didn't pick up this easy confidence from anyone else in their monster fighting club but Steve. "You and Mrs. Byers want to play nice now cause you feel guilty and that's all well and good but what happens when Steve does something else you don't agree with without explanation? Or he and Jonathan or Nancy get in another fight? When we finally get rid of Vecna and the Upside Down for good? What happens when you don't feel guilty anymore?"

"I can't make any sort of promise you lot will believe. And lord knows I'm pretty shit at keeping them anyways. I just want to be able to try."

"He mourned you, you know. When we were told you didn't make it." That weight is back in his chest. "He held himself together around us but there were- there were moments we could tell. He and El really bonded over that. Over you. Over losing you."

"I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. You didn't want to know."

"There's no way I can make you believe me. That I want to fix this."

"We want to, Hopper." Dustin butts in, placing a hand on Lucas' shoulder and limping up next to the other boy. "But from what you and Mrs. Byers were talking about... There's just a lot that makes a lot more sense and it doesn't inspire a lot of faith in either of you."

"We need to discuss this as a Party."

"Okay."

"That means letting us take care of it. Steve's one of us and you hurt him."

"I understand."

"So you and Mrs. Byers have got to wait till we say you can talk to Steve. That he's ready for it."

"Now, kids-"

"No they're right, Joyce. We fucked it up on our own and- and he trusts these little shits more than he trusts us right now. We've gotta do the same."

Joyce sighs, "Fine."

She's not happy about it and honestly neither is he. But if the last few years and his stint in a Russian gulag and the subsequent escape taught him anything it's maybe he needs to trust his people to do what they need to do.

The kids scurry back to whichever of the Twins' room they came from, led by a newly determined and involved Lucas and a furiously muttering Dustin. Jonathan and Joyce make their way to the kitchen and Hopper decides he's going to let them have that conversation in as much privacy as they can with a house as full as theirs.

Hopper sits in the living room, runs his hands through his hair that's finally growing out and pulls them down his face before resting his chin on steepled fingers. He hates sitting and waiting and relying on someone else for the next steps. But all he can think about is the sound Steve made. The look in his eyes. The pride in his voice the last time he heard him say, "My Hop."

That's it!

He stands up so fast his bad ankle protests and his knees pop. He limps to the front door, yelling out to the house that he has to go, has something to do. Calls out he has his walkie and that El needs to be ready on time. Then he's out the door.

Part 4.1

More coming soon! Hopefully! Work went from an active team of about 12 to 5, not including the managers we lost ssssooo... Yeah fun times. 🙃

So here's a tag-list, hope I didn't miss anyone. Feel free to yell at/with me in the comments or ask box. If you see your old tag in my list tell me your new one so I can fix it.

@thelittleclare @jackiemonroe5512 @0body0disphoria0 @strangersteddierthings @lingeringmirth @dead-cherry-bitch @irethsune @ink777 @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner @ledleaf @pansexuality-activated @paintsplatteredandimperfect @kinryuuki @katdeerly @yikes-a-bee @altocumulustranslucidus @ohimamarigold @child-of-cthulhu @samsoble @sensationalsunburst @xxbottlecapx @y4r3luv @rocochen20 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @flustratedcas @rootbeerandmusic @vinteraltus

[sparkleplatypuswriter]

Feeling morally obligated and intrinsically motivated to ask about 'Sergei meets Muriel'!!

Here is a little snip-it (thank you for asking!) :) ******* He does consider the book. But reading the synopsis on the back – about a man suffering nightmares from the loss of his wife – he thinks better of it. 

Perhaps he has had enough terror for this lifetime. 

“Can I help you find anything?” 

The voice startles him out of his reverie. He looks up from the back cover and is met with kind – yet hauntingly familiar – cerulean eyes. It takes him a moment to gain his composure, to return fully to the present and smile back. 

“I was just,” he searches for the word “... browsing,” he lands on. 

“A fan of Stephen King?” the woman asks, pointing at the hardcover in his hand. 

“No no,” he replies, putting it back on the display case. “I was in fact searching for something lighter,” he adds. The sun from the window halos around her hair casting not an orange glow but a more yellow one. “And perhaps something… not too difficult,” he admits sheepishly. “This is to be my first novel in English.”

[teatimewithgiles]

BTVS + Tumblr text posts

[leviscolwill]

it's been a while since i last wrote abt jude (like a month or so) so jude blurb tonight ?

[nin-jay-go]

@morrotober day 2 - green ninja | prophecy | "i was better"

"you think i'm going to hand over the realm crystal? like the green ninja gi was handed to you?" they miss the gi. they deserved it. why doesn't it fit them as well as it fit lloyd?

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

Been feeling like shit, but you know what always makes me feel better?

Making fellow stickball mafia fans ridiculously upset over fictional characters.

Yes that’s right, it’s time once again for Tumblr’s favorite show.

Welcome back to AFTG Hot Takes, today I’m not trying to make you angry! 

Ohoho, no it’s so much worse than that.

So, without further ado: how i think Andrew would react if Neil died in Baltimore. (Please be aware that this post discusses serious depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. Stay safe, loves <3)

So, okay, I know I wrote a whole series about this before, but that didn’t go into detail. Not to mention, I made that so much less awful than it realistically would have been simply because I couldn’t bring myself to write it the way I truly see it. In other words, some of the same ideas from that fic are in this post, just dialed all the way up. If anything looks familiar, that’s why.

The lovely Miss Nora told us in her extra content that Andrew would have completely shut down if Neil died. He would have been a complete husk of a person, he only would have stayed alive to fulfill his promise to Kevin. I am a firm believer of this.

I just don’t think that’s all that would happen.

First, I want you to remember that Andrew’s whole thing was that he needs and wants nothing. He has never let anyone as close as he let Neil.

Add into that the fact that Andrew let go of his promise to protect Neil not even twelve hours before he was kidnapped, and you’ve got yourself a man who just lost the only thing in the entire fucking world that he’s ever let himself want and blames himself for it.

I know most, if not all, of us are firm believers that Andrew lost his shit when Neil was kidnapped in canon, but if he’d died?

I think Andrew would have felt nothing at all. I don’t mean that in an apathetic way, I mean that in a ‘complete shutdown, I don’t even know if I’m still breathing, complete stasis’ sort of way. Complete and total numbness.

After that, I think a few things would happen.

1.) Total shutdown for the first few months. 

I’m talking Bella Swan when Edward leaves, sits alone in his room and doesn’t speak. He doesn’t even go to the funeral (if there is one). 

I think Nicky would leave food out for him and he wouldn’t eat it (picture Big Hero 6 after Tadashi dies). 

Aaron would sort-of fill in for Andrew, keep the group alive and safe. 

Honestly, even the upperclassmen would be worried about him.

2.) He would stop talking to Bee.

Because she would want to talk about Neil, and talking about it would make it real. Because she would be so understanding and sympathetic. Because Bee was one of the only people he would save in a zombie apocalypse, and depriving himself of her was the least he deserved after letting Neil die.

He would stop doing sessions with her, block her phone number. Only see her once a semester, and never say a word.

He would never see a therapist again after that.

3.) Andrew would relapse, and relapse bad.

I’m writing this part from experience, because I’ve gone through similar.

Andrew was clean for years, we know this. He’d always been able to find another way to cope, but he was never... this numb.

I’m trying to think of another word for this feeling, and I just can’t. It’s such a huge, all-encompassing thing to describe with a four-letter word, but it’s all I’ve got.

When you feel as hollow as I think Andrew would feel, you’ll do anything. Anything to feel even a little bit human.

He went on rooftops to feel before, but I don’t think heights would seem so terrifying after Neil. When you’ve felt your heart shatter like that, the thought of falling isn’t nearly as daunting.

He wouldn’t be able to talk to Bee about it (cause of #2) so I don’t think he’d ever stop. 

He’d just go on like that for the rest of his life.

Which brings us to the last thing.

4.) Andrew would die young.

I see all the time in post-canon fics that Andrew never thought he’d make it to 25. 

If Neil died, I still think he’d live that long. I just don’t think he’d live much longer than that.

Andrew would go pro with Kevin, because he promised to protect him. And I think he’d make sure that Kevin was actually safe, was able to stand on his own feet.

After that... I think he’d give up.

I don’t think he’d kill himself, though I do think he’d want to. 

No, I don’t think he’d kill himself. Maybe it’s out of care for his family. Maybe it’s because of Neil, his Nothing who never understood why someone would want to die.

So he wouldn’t take his own life, but he would just... stop fighting, I guess. Give up.

I don’t know what would kill him in the end, but I don’t think he’d live to see 30.

Andrew Minyard is such an incredibly strong character, we all know this. But a man can only have so many problems before he falls apart, and Neil’s death would be that tipping point for him.

Honestly, I think I like sad AFTG Hot Takes.

That’s all I’ve got for you, please drink some water and eat if you haven’t yet today, take care of yourselves, I love you <3

[quiveringdeer]

Porco: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Reiner: Well, since you asked. -Casts his eyes down to his lap, fidgeting with his fingers.- I've actually been struggling a lot with survivors guilt and how that's compounded my childhood trauma of feeling unworthy, unloved and all together uncared about. Especially when it comes to people I should be able to trust and depend on. And you know, no one's actually asked me this before. Which is surprising because I didn't realize I was doing such a great job of hiding all this. -Disparaging chuckle.- Guess I'm actually good at something. 🥲

-Finally looks up.-

Porco: -walked away as soon as Rei started talking-

Reiner:

[poppunkdubstep]

I will never know what my final boop score was ;;;;;; I will never know how far off 1000 I was ;;;;;;

[fotibrit]

Tony Stark:

“And in the moments of my greatest failures, I feel that I am nothing more than a broken machine. I am an idea with so much potential, so much effort has been put into creating me, and still I fail time and time again. I feel I should be discarded to be forgotten in an unmarked drawer or melted into scrap metal. I am a broken machine, and time spent with me is time wasted. There is no saving me. Leave me to rust. My heart is faulty and my brain rusts over.”

[hippielittlemetalhead]

So... I lied about getting a full fix-it to This → Part 1. Y'all get parts focusing on different characters for now as Hop traverses his guilt trip. I won't say it gets worse before it gets better but... kinda in places? I promise it's a happy ending though!!

What do you want from me I'm stressed and depressed and I like making my blorbos suffer (a.k.a projecting my trauma instead of doing the healthy shit my shrink tells me to)

You've been warned... But I do hope you like it.

So here we have Part 2 (Pride and Prejudices: Joyce Edition)

He goes to Joyce about it first. Thinks about her gentle herding of the trio that has become the Hopper-Byers brood. Thinks about how she put everything he was feeling about Mike and El and their giggling and the fucking door into words that kept him from looking like an imbecile (if he'd have ever used them instead of fucking it up 'winging it'). Thinks about the way her voice stays soft and kind of quiet even when she's spitting in his face about listening to her (and every time she's been right) and how that's translated to talking down government goons and wrangling the army of children that seems to get bigger each time they have to fight interdimensional terrors. So he goes to Joyce about what Murray said, the noise Steve made with That Look in his eyes and his bandages peeking out from under a shirt that looks like one of the Henleys he's been missing since coming 'back from the dead' and they dug out his clothes from storage. (El wouldn't let her throw anything out, not until she was ready to say goodbye. Thank whatever god[s] there may be she never needed to)

He doesn't expect Joyce to make a face like he suggested inviting Owens to family dinner. He doesn't expect the scoff and eye roll as her shoulders tense and her hands flex at her sides like she's about to let loose her (honestly really attractive) righteous fury. About the Harrington kid.

Maybe he should have asked when the kids weren't home. Before El quietly told them the bullying wasn't as bad as it was in California but some people still made fun of how she spoke and how all of her friends were boys (and just as quietly asked they not do anything. Asked that they let her and The Party handle it until they couldn't). Before Will came home sulking about something idiotic Mike said or did or something the kid missed (though lately the latest Wheeler mistake is followed by bashful mention of the Emerson kid doing something specifically to make Will feel better in the moment). Before Jonathan came home from 'job hunting' or 'volunteering at the school's relief center' reeking of weed and his long-haired friend in tow (less than usual but still enough to make Joyce feel guilty for missing it for so long, for making the boy grow up so fast that he spends his days out of his mind instead of the weekend bender like when they were kids). Before The Party had come by with what homework the school was still giving out and talking over each other about all the latest small-town gossip a teenager can get their hands on (Eddie's name has been cleared but he's still laid up at the hospital. Susan Mayfield has been noticeably absent according to every nosy housewife in Hawkins considering her daughter is in a coma. The Hagans, Carvers, Perkins and a handful of other 'well to do' families have skipped town taking most of the sports population with them. Steve has been letting people displaced by the damage crash at the Harrington mansion. Steve has kept up hours at Family Video somehow and is a regular volunteer at the various relief centers in town. Steve has been giving all of them rides and may have told Dustin he's thinking of trading in the Beemer for a bigger vehicle for all the kids and people he chauffeurs about. Steve keeps a room empty and waiting for when Max wakes up before her mother makes an appearance. Steve. Steve. Steve.)

He doesn't expect the way she spits his name like she's talking about Dick and Margaret under the bleachers over a smoke before the yard teacher catches them. The rant about bullies and broken cameras and trashed kitchens and dead monsters in her fridge. The crack in her voice when she crosses her arms to stop their shaking as she lays sin upon sin at this boy's feet.

And maybe before that would have been enough.

He doesn't expect the stone in his stomach or the burning in his chest as he looks the woman he loves in the eye and says "So I guess we should tell Nancy to break up with Jonathan before he pulls a Lonnie, huh?" It's a low blow. He knows from the hurt anger on her face and on the purse of her lips. He knows that's why he said it. "That kid is lucky to be alive let alone walking and have we ever even thanked him for keeping the fucking kids alive each time they pull their dumb shit when the world goes to hell? Does that sound like anything his folks would have ever done for us? Hell for their own fucking kid they practically signed over to ME of all people?"

He's shaking now too and Joyce has her hands fluttering between them like she wants to reach out. To touch, comfort. Pull him close and tell him to take a breath.

"He called me 'His Hop', Joyce" He barely has enough breath on him to squeeze the words past his tight throat. "Called me His Hop and watched Ellie and the kids when I just couldn't and you were at work. I don't think I've seen his folks in town since the mall was opened and all the donors had that big party. Don't think I've spoken to them since '83 and they made me the kid's guardian when they aren't around cause they didn't want to fly down for a government sized concussion."

By now he knows El and Will are peeking around the corner, their eyes wide and worried. Jonathan has his door cracked and Angus (is that the hippie's name? He can't remember) is whispering something about heavy auras. Joyce is staring somewhere off in the distance, wringing her hands and biting her lips like she's facing an interdimensional portal shaped problem.

"The kids are planning to have one of their games in a few days." Her voice is brittle in a way he's not used to anymore. Not since she pulled her youngest out of hell and faced down a demon clawing through her walls. "He always drives them over and- and disappears until they need to head home. I can make sure he stays for dinner. Like the rest of the kids. I know Claudia has been having him over so I- I can get some recipes from her that he likes."

Something in his shoulders shakes loose and he reaches out to pull her practically shaking from into his chest.

"I don't know what to say to him Hop. He's not Mike and he's not like either of my boys. In my head he's just always been..."

"Dick and Margaret's brat." He sighs out and rests his cheek on the top of her head as she nods and presses herself in closer.

He's aware of eyes on them. Confused and worried and judgemental and he'll pay that piper next. These kids taught him how to be a dad again once, they can do it again, right?

Part 3

@thelittleclare @jackiemonroe5512 @0body0disphoria0 @strangersteddierthings @lingeringmirth

If I missed you in the tag list I'm sorry I tried 🙃🫡 Tell me what you think? 🫣🥲

[auheralig]

a message to myself

[kosmogrl]

teenage me and current me are both depressed directionless girls, the only difference is that current me started appreciating the beauty of the world and realized how good it is to be alive despite it all

[artkaninchenbau]

Crocodile finds a strange stray cat an 11-year old Nico Robin (AU where they met 13 years earlier. Robin's been on the run from the World Government for 3 years. Crocodile's 27 and has not set up base in Alabasta yet)

It seems like I have become possessed. By some sort of demon.

Bonus:

[fairuzfan]

The ease in which Palestinian men are dehumanized. People saw those lineups of halfnaked men and there was relatively no international uproar. Is sexual violence against our men permissible for some reason as long as you write them off as "terrorists"? Humiliation is part of the colonizers' playbook after all. But this is a complex issue of two politically equal entities so don't worry about it.

That last line was sarcasm.

[bardofavon]

not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…

‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.

‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.

even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.

I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.

fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.

idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.

[lazylittledragon]

made a sticker for anyone to slap onto their work if they need to