#but maybe ill be surprised at something more left field as well

[i-yap]

Can I get your thoughts on a gn reader who’s dating Grayson and is like a parent figure or older sibling to Damien, so they have a soft spot for him ( so does Damien ) ?

Dick grayson x gn!y/n x platonic!Damian

this is my first time writing a gn reader so like I'm sorry if I write something stupid or offensive, just comment it and ill fix it.

if you are dating dick then damian will stalk you extensively at first. Dick is his favorite sibling ( in most comics) and if dick is serious about you, stalking is just how the batfam shows love.

He will be rude , he will be mean and sarcastic but dick warned you and you understand where dami's coming from. So you kindly and patiently deal with him and dick obviously doesn't let Dami cross the line when it comes to you.

One night dick had to rush out for a really scary mission and told you to stay at the manor because its the safest place to be.

Damian was the only other person that was left behind since the mission required everyone else on the team and bruce did not think damian was ready for such a high risk mission just yet.

so damian was really frustrated and also worried for the rest of the family. you walk past Dami's room to see him staring off in the distance while fidgeting or biting his nails. You ask alfred for a chess set ( or any other board/card game) and bring it to dami's room. While playing , he opens up about his frustrations and you patiently listen . Not a lot of people in his family are as warm and caring as you are ( maybe dick but even he is really busy)

After that night the roles are reversed. Now damian thinks dick is undeserving of you and his snarky comments are directed to him. You just find it funny while dick is left confused. "I thought he liked me more man, why the sudden switch?" " he got enlightened dickie boy muhahah" " you are mind controlling him arent you"

One-on-one time in the manor- haha dick wishes. So he tries only calling you when dami is at school or training or patrol. ofc you and dami catch on soon which means you and dami chasing him with katanas.

talking about katanas, dami loves showing you his art and his pets and if you share an interest in either of them he gets even more excited.

you and dick become dami's honorary parents. might as well adopt him since bruce and talia are obviously not doing a very good job ( in most comics) .

whenever dami is mad at bruce or simply upset or bored he comes to you and dick's apartment. You and dick are the fun warm loving couple that spend the night playing board games and watching stupid movies . you introduce him to all the major pop culture shows and movies and dick teaches him how to just dance randomly. your apartment is so different from the gloomy , filled with blood stains, fights and training manor. its filled with music and love and warm lights cooking together in funny pjs and dancing badly to pop songs.

it is watching you and dick that dami realizes what love is supposed to look like. and what a normal household looks like( sort of normal) and it affects the way he grows up. I wont be surprised if he comes to you for parents teacher meeting days or to sign his field trips or for advice on normal things

and the canon where dami is being bullied in school, while you go full on protective mode ,dick tries teaching him how to be better in social situations.

overall dami is just counting down days dick marries you and you'all unofficially adopt him.

[epigstolary]

The Middle of Nowhere, Part Two

I once said that my feeder didn’t have to do anything to keep me on his farm. That I was building my own prison there, bite by bite. And that’s still true — but only partly true. The farm may be a long way away from anything — town, other people, even the road that’s our only real connection to society — and it may as well be a desert island for someone too big to drive a car or walk further than the yard, but it isn’t my prison. Because my prison isn’t a place.

Things started to change when it got difficult even to go outside to our porch. I don’t mean they changed with my feeder; he was still as caring and doting as ever. He started bringing me my snacks once I got big enough that just shuffling out the front door took all my energy and attention. I had to watch where I placed every step of my bloated legs, laden with fat that looked like bags of cottage cheese, and hold on to the walls and the railing along the porch to keep my belly and chest fat from sloshing sideways and pulling me over. Even those few steps left me breathless and my heart pounding by the time I got settled on my bench; but it was worth it to have a plate of his biscuits and gravy or chicken and dumplings, under that big sky beyond our little farm, gilded with another sunset. And even when my bench finally gave way after one too many helpings of both, he dusted off his woodworking kit and put it back together, reinforced and better than new.

But by then, we both knew it was only a temporary fix. It wouldn’t be long before there’d be no way I could maneuver myself out there every day, and he could tell how being cooped up inside would drive me crazy after a while. If I was going to do anything other than sit mostly alone on the couch all day, we were going to have to find another way.

His first innovation was to invite people over for dinner — farmhands, friends, folks he knew from town that he could get to come to me even if I couldn’t go to them. And they were good company, in a lot of ways; they’d bring a taste of the outside world with them. They might talk about how the crops were doing, recount some recent anecdote from working out in the fields or going into town, opine on some petty local politics or gossip. And it was nice to hear about something other than what was going on within the confines of our little farm — an outside world that it was increasingly impossible for me to get to. But really, it was hard for the focus not to turn around to me. Nobody was ever rude the first time they met me; but it was rare not to see either a reaction of stifled surprise, or else a glassy look of unseeing, a conscious attempt not to notice the half-ton of fat flowing and bulging out of my ill-fitting clothes.

It didn’t help that, with me never leaving the farm, there weren’t many topics of conversation other than myself and food that our guests could engage with me about. When the conversation didn’t turn to recent meals or my favorite foods, which usually elicited at least warm agreement about the country staples forming much of my diet, it turned to how I spent most of my day. We’d do our usual face-saving song and dance about what I did to take care of the house while my partner was out working in the field — all of it lies, and increasingly transparent lies as my limited ability to even move became more obvious at higher weights — and how I was getting ready to start losing some weight. I’d talk about how I really wanted to get healthier, get out and about more often; and they’d smile and nod, giving tepid approval and encouragement.

The thing is, I really did mean it. I really did want to get down to a size where I could at least walk around outside again, maybe even drive a car into town and go to the little greasy spoon like I used to. It was becoming discouraging to have every step, every reach, every movement blocked or restrained by the fat smothering every inch of my body. But our guests knew full well I didn’t have a prayer of keeping to a diet or an exercise routine. It was even more obvious to those who’d visited before, and who saw me even more bloated, even more out of shape than the last time they were there.

The actual meals certainly made them think that, if they hadn’t before. My partner would serve a spread fit for a dozen people — something like a barbecue buffet, a whole turkey with all the fixings, a tray of lasagna — and I’d end up eating everything that was left after the others had their fill. Long after their places had been cleared away, I’d still be gobbling up the heaping plates my partner would keep bringing me until every scrap of food was gone. Since I couldn’t last very long at the dining table anymore, usually we’d sit around the living room, and they would basically watch me gorge myself — tits and chins wobbling as I’d chew, plate sitting on my enormous belly so my blubbery arms could rest on the sweep of my side rolls while I cut and speared each bite. It was obvious to everyone, I guess even to me, that I was never going to drop a pound if I couldn’t resist completely abandoning myself to food like that. By the end of the meal, I’d be stuffed full, taking up the entire couch and looking enormous, almost too drowsy from overeating to notice the expressions passing between our guests, their looks of amusement or disgust or astonishment at what was apparently a typical dinner for me. Sometimes they’d even whisper about it, thinking I was asleep. I wasn’t.

From the front window of the house, I could watch them drive away, taillights receding toward that distant road where proper civilization began again. Probably recapping the dinner and my obscene size and appetite with horrified amazement. They’d been merely passing through, tourists in my isolated bubble, visiting their friend’s or boss’s blob of a partner out of courtesy but with no real desire to bring me into the fold. They could make things more tolerable, but they’d never be any real help in connecting with the world again.

Then one day, my partner’s beat-up old pickup disappeared, and he pulled into the yard in a gleaming new one, looking unusually excited for him and expectantly at me. I was puzzled — by that point, I was already too big to heave myself up into the cab of any pickup. But then I saw the truck bed — more specifically, the crane and winch rising from the front corner. My stomach did a somersault at the sight of him rigging up a harness meant for lifting cows and pigs into the bed; it was a way to let me get off the farm, sure, but at a pretty steep price in dignity. It was as good as an admission that I’d eaten myself far too fat to rejoin the world like a normal person, probably for good.

But the temptation to be somewhere else, anywhere else, was too much. A day or two later, my partner was helping me waddle out the front door and down the steps toward the driveway. Months indoors had obscured just how much my body had changed in even that short amount of time. My legs had both bloated considerably and weakened since my last walk through the yard, making every step like having to lift heavy bags of molasses just to advance a few inches at a time. My belly hung lower and broader than I remembered, physically holding back my steps and making it harder to twist my upper body to steady my walk. My side rolls and bicep blubber fought one another for space, pushing my arms up and sending fat bunching around my neck and shoulders. I was an out-of-breath mess by the time I maneuvered myself around and collapsed into the harness.

The sensation of my weight being lifted slowly off the ground, suspended and moved by an object completely out of my control, sent a surreal thrill through me. My hundreds of pounds, cradled in the harness, wobbled and jiggled with its slow movements, and for the most part I had no choice but to be carried along with my body’s jostling inertia. Even more than usual, I was buried under my immense belly and tits, my bloated legs were lifted level with the rest of my body, and my flab-laden arms — if they’d even been strong enough to do anything — had nowhere to grasp to help stabilize my sloshing bulk. The crane and winch cracked and creaked as it labored to move my weight, lifted me over the sides and into position facing the tailgate, and lowered me onto some foam padding my partner had arranged into a kind of makeshift couch against the rear window. I didn’t fill the truck bed — but there wasn’t room to sit next to me, either.

I’ve never felt a mixture of emotions like I did on that first drive back into town. On the one hand, it felt so amazingly free — finding myself on that once impossibly-distant road, our farm receding into the distance as fields and hills sped by. Fresh air, and the wind in my hair. But then, as buildings grew closer together and we started rolling into downtown, my blood ran cold — I’m a half-ton blob taking up most of the back of a pickup truck, too fat to walk or move, coming to town like a circus attraction, I thought. People were going to react.

I’m sure a lot of it was in my mind. I’m sure I was self-conscious, reading intent into every glance and word and gesture, most of the time when it wasn’t there. But it felt like every last person in the town had turned out to stare at my huge form being paraded down main street. Me looking out over the expanse of lard occupying the truck bed and smothering my body. Blubber sloshing uncontrollably every time we turned a corner. Kids pointing at the enormous fatty passing by, their shouts being stifled by nervous and disgusted parents. Skinny people casting sideways glances at the pickup, stopped at a stoplight, as they muttered to each other amid broad grins.

And that was when I realized. It didn’t matter where I was — on the farm, in town, on stage with a million people watching. I had let myself get fattened past the point where I could exist in this world and connect with it ever again. Even when I was right in the middle of it, I was as far removed from these people as if I’d still been back on the farm. I’m never going to be walking around with them, shopping with them, just existing in the spaces they exist in. I literally don’t fit in, even if I could haul around all the blubber I’ve accumulated under my own power. And I’m just as alien to them — someone five times their weight, who can’t control their appetite any better than to get this big, someone they can deride or pity or judge with impunity.

On the drive back to the farm, under a starry indigo sky and with a backseat full of fast food from the town’s only chain, I had to wonder about my feeder. Whether he really was trying to get me out of the house. Or did he know? Had he already figured out that I was too big for it to matter where I was — that the thick rolls dominating my body and the sacks of fat hanging off my limbs would keep me his, even if I’d tried to get someone to help me leave? That this drive would do nothing more than to show me a world, a life, that my fat — his fat — would never let me go back to?

The thought lodged in the back of my mind as he gently helped hoist me, every inch wobbling and quivering, out of the truck bed. He led my bulk, step by exhausted step, back inside and to my usual divot on the couch. And as he got me comfortable, spreading the buffet of greasy, fatty food out before me, and as I bit into the first of ten thick double cheeseburgers, his too-kind smile and his gaze that lingered on my bulging gut for an instant too long told me everything I needed to know.

The farm isn’t my prison. My body is.

[prinzrupprecht]

His healer

For some reason I just love writing about Okita a lot. This is a one shot this time. Okita x reader again..

Synopsis: AU universe where you treated Okita’s illness as one of the best doctor’s in Kyoto and slowly grew attached to him.

TW: kind of angst but mostly fluff.

WC: 943

The moment you were summoned by the leader of the Shinsengumi to check on someone’s condition, you knew you couldn’t decline the man known as Kondo Isami. He was well respected and so were his men. All you were known for was being one of the best doctors in Kyoto. You studied all sorts of medicine and healing practices.

A few days after the ikedaya incident, a young boy in his early twenties laid in his bed panting heavily. Upon finding out what his name was: Okita Souji. He was the first division captain and former chief assistant of the mibu rishigumi. You heard of the incident that lead many dead from Chousou and Tosa clans. The political chaos between the factions broke out leading many ronin began assassinating each other.

As you made your way to the Shinsegumi base holding your supplies in your bag. Many of the members were already gone on their patrols. “Oh you must be the doctor,” Kondo greeted you at the entrance as you smiled and nodded. Truth be told, you were young and talented in your field. You were quite surprised your name travelled through most of Kyoto reaching the ears of the Shinsengumi to summon you.

Okita at first was very reluctant with your help. He kept telling you that he was fine and to go away. You noticed that when he coughs and struggled to sit up, you had requested to examine his chest area with your stethoscope with a soft smile. He couldn’t figure out why someone like you kept persisting on helping him.

Overtime you kept checking on him and started to give him the necessities to treat the bacteria in his lungs. Okita started to open up to you about his life and how he became a samurai with his friends which put a smile on your face. He was very kind to you when he slowly starts to trust you’re not trying to kill him or anything. You were feeling sorry for him and his condition since you knew he wanted to help protect those close to him, but was stuck in bed for months. He talked about Kondo-san a lot so you had an idea that was his closest person to him.

“It seems that you’re recovering faster than I thought. I guess the fresh mint has been working well with your lungs. Your respiratory tract seems to be almost clear.” You had sat next to him while wondering what he was going to do next. You only had known him for about a month which didn’t feel long.

Okita was smiling and was going to say something before Kondo walked in with free tea. “You’re looking a lot better,” he noticed Souji was moving more freely thanks to your help. You couldn’t help but giggle at their interaction. The young boy was happy to be able to get back and fight for Kyoto. It was risky trying to get involved with any ronin or samurai since the risk of dying is high. You couldn’t help but feel slight attachment grow but you pushed the thought away. Kondo noticed your mind was in a different world and asked if you were alright.

“Oh yes! I’m fine. I’m thinking I should be getting back soon.” You stood up but you couldn’t help but noticed the slight frown on Okita’s features. You saw a few other Shinsengumi members in the hallway spying in on the conversation and wanted to celebrate with Souji for his recovery. You quickly slip through the door as they all seemed busy and left their base.

You had wondered what it was like being a samurai and feeling respected by the townsmen. There was a lot of trouble with Chousou domain and their affiliation with Satsuma domain as well. Maybe it was best to forget about it all and move along like you’re used to; going into peoples homes and treating civilians was mostly your job. You got some money but mostly you prefer their hospitality over the money since your family was already wealthy.

As you almost made it back to your house near the Kamo river which was relatively close to Yagitei where the Shinsegumi’s headquarters were located. You heard someone behind yell for you to wait up. You were confused hearing your name being called out, till you saw it was Okita catching up to you. “You didn’t say you were leaving for good,” Okita stopped in front of you giving you a rather sad look.

“Kondo-san said you weren’t coming back,” Okita fell silent leaving you to feel solemn.

“Okita-san, you don’t need me anymore, it seems that my job is done and I’m happy that you’re all better. So, please, don’t push yourself hard and I’ll be ready to help you or anyone else that needs me again.” You gave him a gleeful smile but it wasn’t enough for him to whine and to see you again.

“Awww, how about I come see you when we’re both free? I don’t like the idea of never seeing you again.” The last phrase had him puffing his cheeks a bit making him look cute how stubborn he was. He didn’t want to let you go? You thought over it but nodded, you would love to get to know him better even if there’s risks in getting close to him.

“Okay, than it’s settled. I’ll see you around, Okita-san.” Little did you know this was just the beginning of your new profound friendship that would blossom to something anew and future with him.

Note: sorry I promised more Anubis but I really been dying to do this piece for a long time. I’ll get back on Anubby soon~

[andromedagarcia]

‘Your mum came by. We had a very nice talk! She left a note for you.’

Surprise that left her blinking a couple of times in awe, unable to find the words. Her mum did… what? Andrómeda knew she was the only one out of the three siblings that lived in New Atlantis, and that her parents missed Hérc and Cass to death, but this was too much. With a strained smile and burning cheeks –she was only able to blush when it came to María and Fernando García–, she grabbed the slate her colleague was handing her and put it in one of the many pockets of her cargo trousers.

‘Thank you, I’ll… listen to it later. I have work to do.’

If the work consisted of boring patrols in the Well and it was an excuse for her to not immediately listen to whatever her mother had to say, nobody had to know.

This was Andro’s least favorite part of the city; the subterranean one.

A place filled with noise and people, most of them living in quite poor conditions. Like Cydonia, but on a different planet. Like Cydonia, if around thirty-five percent of the population was rich and able to live on the surface, while the rest of society didn’t even get to enjoy the rays of sun on their skin.

So, worse than Mars, even, and that was saying something.

Most people in the Well acted as if the Security Officers from the United Colonies didn’t exist. And that was alright with her, honestly, because she sort of also pretended to not be aware of… them. When she was in her nice, fancy apartment in the Mercury Tower, enjoying a cup of Terra Brew coffee. When she spent an amount of money that was, definitely, much more than those people earned in an entire month in a dress. When she went to expensive restaurants with her friends once her shift ended.

It was… uncomfortable, to say the very least. She had tried to get her supervisor to give her anything, any other assignment, but…

‘You recently got injured. The doctor said your rib dislocated and punctured your lung. You are healing nicely but you can’t be on the field yet, Andrómeda.’

And there she was. In the Well. In the year 2330. Stuck in a small planet while there were over 120 systems, 1,700 planets and moons in total.

But some people had it worse.

Like the Martians.

Her dark eyes traveled around Jake’s Bar, in which people were drowning their sorrows in beer, whiskey, or other liquors. There were also a lot of wannabe pilots, weapon specialists and shields engineers, hoping that some captain would give them a place in their crew. She would have to ask Cass, if she required any assistance…

There were also two men, drawing attention to themselves because they were laughing. Laughing out loud, in fact. A sound that wasn’t that popular underground. Most people avoided them, as if they were spreading radiation with that simple gesture, as if they had a deadly illness like the plague had once been on Earth. Her father, a history professor, had taught Andrómeda that much.

No doubt, something had happened to them. Something joyful, exciting. The taller one, a long-haired monster that was certainly over two meters and with muscles like those of a bull, had an arm around the shoulders of the shorter one, also muscular, but leaner. He was saying something, with a deep voice that reverberated in the entirety of the bar, but that Andrómeda still couldn’t hear because of the volume at which Jake kept the music.

His green eyes encountered hers. And they seemed to watch her intently, although the young woman was quite sure he couldn’t quite see her face with the helmet she was sporting, especially not from a certain distance.

Was she supposed to say something? No. She was here to check for criminal activity, for people in danger. She couldn’t simply approach two middle-aged men because they were laughing.

Maybe one of them had just become a dad, or something.

No, he wouldn't be so happy, then. Not if he lived in the Well.

───⋆☆─────────────

‘You are going back on the field.’

John Tuala –John for friends, family members and absolutely anyone after a couple of drinks–, leader of the Vanguard in New Atlantis, had called Andrómeda to his office. And there she was, sitting down in a chair, with a straight back and hands over her knees, trying to be the image of good behavior. Something that had made John laugh, but he hadn’t commented on it; there were more important subjects at hand.

‘Really?’ Andrómeda was wary. She didn’t want to get her hopes up and then… it hadn’t been the first time they had considered putting her back out there. But it had never been John to tell her. Usually a nurse, or a doctor, or some low-ranking member that should be answering to her, instead of the other way around…

‘Really. Two reasons: you’re accompanying Diplomat Airi Takahashi in Neon. Be ready to leave in a few days. She will give you the details of her mission, if she so desires, when you get there. Once you land the planet, you will act as her bodyguard. No, better yet, her shadow. Attempts on her life have been made, as you very well know.’

Andrómeda pursed her lips.

Of course she knew.

She had been the one to stop quite a few of them.

And still, she was excited. She liked Airi, a lot. They had quickly become friends, even if what had brought them together was Andrómeda’s work and Airi’s need for protection. But they were like-minded spirits, twin souls, people who were born of the same stardust. She couldn’t wait to see the Diplomat again.

She nodded firmly, for John to continue. If there were any questions about the assignment, she could ask them after he was done. He had, after all, said there were two reasons…

‘We are looking for a man. Goes by Vessel.’ Andrómeda raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. ‘An ex-member of the Crimson Fleet.’

That did it. ‘How do you exactly leave the Crimson Fleet?’ The Martian blurted out.

They hadn’t really become a problem until recently. A few years back, when Andrómeda was a kid, they were nothing but a loose confederation of individual parent captains; now, however, they were more or less an organized entity, that had expanded way beyond Kryx (what used to be their main base), all the way to Sagan, Cheyenne, Lunara and Narion.

‘Apparently, by hiding in between the cargo of a merchant’s ship and making your way to the next port.’

She was impressed (not so much with the tactic itself, but by the fact that a plan as simple as that had worked – and that still nobody, not even the faction he had once belonged to, had managed to find him) but she tried not to show. John, however, saw right through her, laughing as he said his next words:

‘That’s why we need you. You’re one of the best – if someone can bring this man to justice, it’s you.’ He rounded the table, to come closer to her and be able to look her straight in the eye. He did that when he wanted her to really see him, usually when he was asking her to take on a very demanding mission. Andrómeda had been slightly near-sighted when she had first joined the Vanguard; not anymore. She had had eye surgery years ago, but some things never changed. ‘The Crimson Fleet is also looking for him. You have the right to kill those who stand in your way.’

‘I will bring him to justice.’ Andrómeda declared. It was not the first time she had been sent in one of these missions. She had a reputation, and before she had gotten injured, her name was one of the favorites to become John’s second-in-command. She wanted those rumors, those whispers, to start again.

‘I expected no less from you.’ A proud smile, almost like that of a dad, even if John wasn’t much older than her. ‘Of course, if you ever need help…’

‘Can’t trust the Neon City Guard. Maybe the Rangers, but not likely. Safest bet is to try and contact any UC ships that are in orbit.’

‘Exactly. And now,’ John clapped, stretching his neck and back, rotating his shoulders. ‘Enough about work. Want to go get a Terrabrew and catch up?’

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett, @realmackross TIME: Afternoon, September 16th SUMMARY: Alex visits Monty's farm and is surprised to find Mackenzie there. The two have a long needed heart-to-heart. WARNINGS: mental health tw, suicidal ideation tw, murder mention tw, death mention tw PREVIOUS THREADS:1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - Current.

The more information that seemed to come out surrounding Mackenzie’s reign of terror had made her want to disappear even more and never resurface again. Whatever the Flats had done to her had taught the young zombie never to question the potential power anything had in Wicked’s Rest ever again. How could she go out and face a town full of people she had tried to make into a meal? Especially the ones she had made into a meal. Who had seen her? What news was out in the world? She had so many questions, but like everything else in her life, she knew she couldn’t keep forcing it down.

Monty had been so kind as to let her stay hidden at his farm while she rested and tried to recoup from an illness that had not been fun at all. But if she were going to eventually face the outside world again, she was going to need someone on her side. Winter had made it clear that she didn’t want to be around Mackenzie anymore, which meant there was one person left that she felt like she could trust enough to tell the truth. Otherwise it was just going to be her and…

“Taylor, no. I’m not leaving yet. I’m not ready. I’m okay. Yeah. Just tell my parents I’m fine. I don’t know. Maybe I was preparing for another movie? Yeah, yeah. No. I have everything I need. Thank you.” With a soft, quivering sigh, Mackenzie hung up the phone and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans.

—

Stopping by the farm hadn’t been entirely planned, but when she found herself in Gatlin Fields anyway because of a hankering for spiced apple cider, it only seemed natural to stop by and see Monty. Maybe Alex also wanted to see the kids, but who could really blame her for that one? Baby goats were damn cute. Maybe part of her hoped it’d be a good time to bring up his lack of heartbeat. It felt like something to broach with him first rather than her cousin and she was curious. 

Despite the fact Alex knew that he probably didn’t need a beverage given the lack of heartbeat, she still brought one along with her. Aria didn’t need to eat real food and she still enjoyed candy. Even Mack liked to snack on normal food sometimes even if it tasted like bland. So she was mostly confident in her decision to bring Monty a warm, spiced apple cider as well. It was manners or something. 

However, as she walked up the field toward the farm itself, she heard a familiar voice that wasn’t Monty’s. Hell, it wasn’t even Kaden’s which would have also not surprised her though she would have of course had to lightly tease her cousin. That would have made more sense than it being Mack. She couldn’t think of a reason why Mack would be on a cattle farm of all places. Hollywood actress to hanging around a place that smelled like manure was a pretty big jump, but she followed the sound of the voice anyway only to find Mack hanging up the phone. 

“Uh,” Alex started with a confused look on her face, “Hey?” Her head tilted as she looked at Mack who somehow didn’t look completely out of place on a farm… not that she looked like a farmhand either, but this definitely wasn’t that one crappy reality show with heiresses she saw five minutes of on TV once. “Wasn’t expecting to find you here,” she hesitated, “You’re not diving into reality TV, are you? Think you’re a little too down to earth for the whole city to farm girl thing…” 

—

Mackenzie was struggling. There was still so much that was unknown. What kind of havoc and pure hell had she caused all over town? Maybe it wasn’t as bad as she thought. Maybe it was all in her brain, and she had stayed in one small area and feasted on wildlife. It made sense right? She was super sick when she had come to Monty, and zombies did need human brains to survive. That had to be it. Maybe if she could just live in the land of denial just a little longer, she’d be set.

“Huh?” Okay, if this was a mythical land she liked to call her own, it sure as hell sounded a lot like, “Alex? What are you doing here?” Mackenzie’s face had held so much confusion. Had Winter or Monty told the werewolf about the zombie being here? If so, she would have a word with whoever it was, "Did Winter…or Monty say something to you?” It couldn’t have been Elora, because she barely knew Elora. Maybe it had been Winter. Maybe she had still cared, and it wasn’t as bad as…No, there was no way Winter was just going to let Brody’s death go like that.

—

Clearly, both of them were confused about the other’s presence on the farm. Alex hadn’t even known that Mack knew Monty. Hell, if he wasn’t her cousin’s boyfriend, she probably wouldn’t be dropping in to visit the goats with apple cider for them just for funsies on her way home from class. Her head tilted to the side as they shared a bewildered look. “Huh,” she asked, “Winter? Monty? No… I didn’t know you were even here.” 

She held up the two paper cups with the apple cider and a bit of a shrug. “Monty is Kaden’s boyfriend,” Alex explained, “Was mostly dropping in to visit the baby goats. Cilantro and Jalapeno are kind of my besties.” She offered a somewhat awkward smile as she was still thrown off guard by running into her friend. “Wasn’t expecting to run into my person-shaped bestie, too. What are you doing here anyway?”

—

Though Mackenzie was still slightly confused, there was a part of her that was somewhat relieved to see Alex standing in front of her. It was better than having Winter come back and say what she had probably wanted to say after a night of sleeping on the information that Mackenzie had revealed to her, “Oh…Well, hey!” Her voice was still uneasy. Did Alex know about the stuff in town? Did Mackenzie even make it into town? Maybe this had been her opportunity to get some answers.

Mackenzie’s eyes drifted to the paper cups and back to Alex, “Oh. Oh! I didn’t see that one coming.” So love as a zombie was possible, if you were experienced and had lived as long as Monty, but Monty was a great person, and he deserved happiness, “Good for them. And I haven’t seen the baby goats, but Monty got me a llama. She’s outback in one of the pastures. I named her Sallama Gomez. Um, but, yea.” The zombie paused, before speaking again, “Uh, did anything weird happen in town this past week?” She had felt odd after everything that had happened after the Flats and before the Flats, during their second sleepover which had turned super awkward, and she had hoped that Alex had been okay after everything that had happened.

—

“Surprised me too,” Alex laughed, still a little uneasy. She couldn’t place it, but something felt off. There was something about the vibe that just felt off. It was like looking at an incomplete puzzle with no reference photo— she wasn’t even sure what pieces she was trying to put together, but none of them were slotting into place. “They’re pretty cute.” That much was true. 

“Sallama Gomez,” she perked up, “She’s just like Taylor for real… doing anything to bring up Selena Gomez.” The strange energy was still sitting between them and only seemed to become more apparent when Mack asked about stuff happening in town. Admittedly, Alex had been a little bit checked out between catching up on school work and working on practicing shifting. “Uh, weird how? There’s literally always weird shit happening in this place,” she answered with a confused crease in her brows, “I’ve been playing catch up with school after well… getting shot. Why did something happen? Did the weird thing happen to you? What’s going on, Mack?” 

A concerned look flashed across her features. “Something feels off here,” Alex explained, “I don’t know what, but you can talk to me. You know that, right?” 

—

Mackenzie’s entire energy had been off since coming out of her zombie trance. She had even felt it the day before with Winter, but the woman hadn’t given her long enough to actually have a conversation without leaving in a flash, “I’ll have to go see them. The goats, I mean. Not Monty and Kaden. And yeah, I wanted something cute, and Sallama Gomez it was. Maybe you can convince Monty to get another llama, Tayllama Swift, and they can be besties.” She laughed softly, but her mind was racing.

“Right? How are you? Are you doing better? You look better.” Mackenzie gave Alex a look over. She did look much better than the last time she had seen her. She seemed happier and like life was maybe getting back on track. But Mackenzie was putting off the inevitable for fear of losing another friend. She couldn’t take a double friendship hit in the course of two days. She just couldn’t, but Alex was onto her. The werewolf could tell something was up, “I know. I know…”

Mackenzie looked down to find her leg shaking and immediately stopped it, but the suspicion hung heavy in the air, “Something big happened. But I can’t remember what it was. I just know when I came out of it, I was in the back of someone’s truck being brought here.” She had looked at the social media as Winter had suggested and had seen a few things, but it all had been related to some wild animal, which she had wondered if it was her, “And I told Winter something, and now I think our friendship is over.” The zombie’s eyes were blank as she was now staring past Alex instead of looking at her like she had been earlier.

—

There was something akin to comfort to be found in the llama jokes the girls exchanged. Alex had always relied heavily on humor in difficult moments and while she knew it wasn’t necessarily her best trait, it was nice to share with Mack. They could ease themselves into the moment of whatever was coming. Even if it was apparent by the way the air between them felt almost thick that the zombie was carrying something heavy, they could ease themselves into the harder topics like one would slowly enter a cool pool on a hot summer day. Not that she ever did that. She was much more likely to dive straight into ice cold water before anyone would notice the wet dog smell was in fact coming from her. 

“Tayllama Swift,” she smiled weakly, “Now the goat remix of I Knew You Were Trouble makes so much more sense.” Which admittedly, that remix had no business slapping as much as it did, but that was hardly the point. The joke brought a small bit of brevity along with it which seemed all the more necessary as Mack spoke again. Alex made a concerted effort to keep her brows from knitting together in confusion. While she wasn’t well-versed in the undead, she didn’t think they randomly lost their memories like new werewolves did during a shift. She observed the zombie as she spoke, looking for hints of what could have happened. “Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out, okay,” she assured. 

When Kaden had come home covered in blood that she knew was the hunter’s, Alex had made a promise to herself to immerse herself more in the supernatural circle she’d found. Looking out for each other felt less like asking someone to fight on both sides of a war they never asked to be a part of. Neither she nor Mack asked to be part of the supernatural either, but they were already placed squarely on one side of the battlefield. There would always be people who killed them simply for what they were and there would always be whole wars fought internally as they fought with themselves. Most days, it was still a fight for her to put those intrusive thoughts in the back of her mind and she had been at this for 13 years. This was all still new to Mack and something big had happened. While she couldn’t piece together exactly what based on the zombie’s condition, the way she held herself gave some hints. As much as Alex loved Mack, she knew both of them were dangerous. 

“What did you tell Winter,” Alex asked softly as she took a seat on one of the hay bales sitting around. She patted the spot beside her indicating for Mack to join her. The zombie’s eyes were no longer meeting hers and being side-by-side at least naturally gave some reason for that while allowing them to be close enough for Alex to offer comfort. She could make some guesses about what would be big enough to end a friendship, but this was Mack’s story to tell. Whatever it was, Winter had turned her away and that had to hurt. Even if it was the worst case scenario, Alex knew she had to be supportive. If Mack was going to get through being a new zombie and figure any of this out, she needed someone in her corner and Alex wanted to be in her corner. No matter what Mack had done, she was still kind and caring. Something that happened to her and made her something that had to fight for control didn’t just erase all of that. “I think,” she hummed, “Maybe talking about it could help… and I won’t leave you. Whatever it is, you’re still my best friend, ok?” 

And she found she meant it. Alex had never had a best friend and had never even used the phrase so earnestly before, but it felt important that Mack knew she was gonna be here no matter what. 

—

Since coming to Wicked’s Rest, Mackenzie had never imagined she would have made friends like she had, especially a best friend with a werewolf. Of course, the finding out of the werewolf part didn’t come until later, but to have made such a close friend so fast had been like a miracle. Mackenzie had spent most of her life just trying to figure out who was genuine and who wasn’t, but after the tragedy with Brody, she had truly believed that she shouldn’t have been around anyone. To care about people as a brain eating monster had been contradictory, and her worst nightmares had been proven true not even two years into her new and horrific life. But the day that Mack had met Alex, something just clicked. Her humor, but also her humbleness and kindness, especially after the mime prank had proven that she was real. It had just been a bonus that she didn’t know anything about the actress.

The real test of friendship, though, had seemed to have come when Alex found out what Mackenzie was in the worst possible way, and still loved her for it. And like any real friendship, Mack knew that not every moment was going to be perfect or easy, like sleepover part two, but the fact that Alex was still around and they had somehow managed to still have fun said a lot.

“I love that video…” It was really all she could muster in the moment in a way of humor. The awkwardness that was hanging in the air felt like it was suffocating her, and she finally decided to give into Alex’s offer.

Taking a seat next to the werewolf, Mackenzie’s leg started to shake again. She was blinded by the thoughts in her mind and everything around her seemed so bright like she wanted to pass out, but couldn’t. Like it was all a nightmare. Like her entire life had been one big, neverending nightmare and she just wanted to wake up from it, “I killed him. I killed Brody.” She had spoken the exact same words she had told Winter the day before. If Alex wanted to run, Mackenzie couldn’t blame her, but she also knew that if she did, then Wicked’s Rest was going to be just another thing of the past. “I don’t remember how it happened. I just remember coming home that night, and he was standing in the doorway waiting on me, but I was so hungry. And when I came to. When I could remember things again…he was dead.”

She looked down at the ground searching for any miniscule thing she could hold onto with her eyes. Put her focus on while she waited for Alex to be disgusted with her and take off. Her heart was fragile. From waking up at Monty’s knowing something horrible had happened to losing Winter to now confessing what she did to Alex it had all happened so fast, and she had wanted the sky to open up right then and there and strike her down in her unnatural undead life, so it would finally all be over with. 

—

When Mack finally took the seat next to her, Alex felt a small wave of relief. There was so much tension hanging in the air and the small gesture of taking the seat beside her relieved some of that. Whatever it was that was weighing so heavily on her friend, she knew she’d do whatever she could to help, even if the only thing she could do was just be there. Even if that never felt like enough to give, she knew firsthand what a difference it could make when someone stuck around through the hard parts. She could feel the way Mack’s leg shook and she knew that whatever came next, wasn’t going to be easy. Seeing her friend hurting this way wasn’t easy, but Mack had sat by her side watching shitty movies when Alex was the one hurting and making mistakes. She knew she hadn’t made it easy either by trying to write the whole attack off as no big deal, but Mack was still there and glad to offer whatever she could in the way of support. Because that’s what friends did and it was Alex’s turn to be a good friend now. 

The confession was followed by silence for a moment. Alex wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but admittedly violence or some sort of zombie related accident had been at the forefront of her mind. This was in line with that but somehow so much heavier at the same time. Her hand found Mack’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It was hardly anything in the midst of what she had just confessed, but it was all she could do. Death was hard enough as it was, but having caused the death of the person you loved? She couldn’t imagine how much that weight had been crushing Mack all this time. 

“Mack,” she breathed in practically a whisper, “I’m so sorry.” The words felt silly. She’d heard them enough time over the course of her own life and it felt just as awkward from the other side. Grief was tricky to navigate that way, but this was bigger still. Alex spent most of her life feeling like a monster because of what she was and Mack had been thrown into being something she never asked for and it cost her so much. Suddenly, abandoning a family legacy felt so incredibly small in comparison. “You didn’t know, ok,” she said carefully, “You were thrown into being a zombie with no warning or preparation… you couldn’t have known.”

Alex gently wrapped her arms around Mack and held onto her friend tightly knowing that it’d take a really tight hug for the zombie to really feel it. It didn’t fix anything, nothing could ever fix death or erase the grief and guilt that followed it, but she hoped it told her friend that no matter what, she’d be right here whenever Mack needed her— that there was no mistake too big that would make her turn her back on the girl who had become her closest friend. “I know nothing fixes what happened,” she murmured, “Or bring Brody back, but I’m not going anywhere, ok? I know you’re not bad even if right now it might feel like you are.” 

—

Mackenzie was scared. In fact, she had been living her life in fear since the day she had become a zombie. Ironic - a monster living in fear. But it had become the new normal for her. Watching her back everywhere she went. Holing up in her house and trying to avoid being around people. For someone who had lived such a social life to just stop had been nearly impossible. It hadn’t just been a physical death. It had been a mental death as well, but one that she couldn’t exactly show. Not in public anyways. She always had to be as well put together as possible. Fake a smile for her fans and the people around her. It was all one sick and twisted game, and it was finally starting to break her.

But the simple gesture of Alex putting her hand on Mackenzie’s shoulder had meant something. It meant she wasn't alone. It meant that Alex wasn’t planning on leaving her behind. She was still there. It was the hug that solidified everything. The hug that made the zombie fully breakdown and sob. She hadn’t cried like this around anyone in a long time, and as much as she wanted to stop, she couldn’t. Instead, she wrapped her arms tightly around Alex and refused to let go, “I promise I didn’t mean to kill him. I know what I am is against everything ever created, and I wish that the fall had killed me the first time…Then he’d still be alive. Then Brody would still be here. The PA, everybody else I’ve hurt…They’d all still be alive, Alex. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt them…” She confessed it all into Alex’s shoulder, her face buried from shame of what she had done, despite it being out of her control.

Her heart had been breaking for a long time, and whatever this week had been had finally driven her to a release. Anything that was coming out had to be cathartic right? The weight of carrying around so much death and destruction somewhat being out in the open. But there were still the consequences of her actions. How was she going to face that? You couldn’t just throw a zombie in prison could you? But maybe being driven mad by lack of food and the same dark, dank little cell was what she deserved for the rest of her undead life.

Pulling away from Alex and looking at her with hazy eyes, Mackenzie spoke, “What do I do Alex? I’m responsible for people dying. Do I turn myself in? Do I run again? I don’t know what to do anymore?” She wiped her eyes and looked back down at the floor; her posture slumped in defeat. Mackenzie didn’t want to keep going at this point for fear of what she was capable of.

—

The only thing Alex could do was hold Mack while she cried. Mistakes weren’t something that could simply be undone, especially when they ended in death, but she had to believe that moving forward and being better was possible. If it wasn’t, why were either of them even here? If her parents were to be believed, neither of them should be here, but that didn’t feel quite right either. Maybe there wasn’t a clear right answer, but holding her friend while she sobbed and processed the weight of what she had done felt like it was the right thing to do. She clung on tightly to her friend and tried to be something of an anchor with her tight grip. Her heart hurt for Mack, how she got thrown into this crazy supernatural world and found herself unmoored within. It was scary, it made you doubt everything you ever knew about yourself— she wanted so badly for Mack to not have to deal with any of it, but that wasn’t the way the world worked. 

Alex stroked the back of her friend’s head and ran her hand through the short blonde tresses. She remembered Andy would do the same when she cried as a kid and it always felt comforting then. She could only hope it had the same effect for Mack whose world had all but fallen apart the day she died. It wasn’t the same, but maybe part of her could understand that, a bigger part than she really wanted to admit. The hurt that Mack felt now— the werewolf knew part of it would always stay with her. It wouldn’t feel as crushing all the time, sure, but it would always be there and able to bring the zombie to her knees as the wave hit her. She hated that her friend had to know that kind of hurt that lingered so long that it eventually became a part of her. Her own eyes turned misty as she whispered, “I know you didn’t, I know.” 

The pain in Mack’s voice was so raw that it practically gutted her and Alex was only a bystander to it. She hadn’t lived it, but something in the way Mack wished she had stayed dead that day struck a chord. How many times had she wished the bite that turned her into a monster had just killed her instead? When had she stopped wishing that? She held Mack a little tighter. “Maybe, maybe not,” she offered gently, “Things could have gone a lot of different ways and it sucks that this is the way they went. It really really does. But you’re here now and maybe there’s no changing what happened, but you can still make it count.” 

Or maybe she didn’t even need to make it count. Alex wasn’t really sure. She’d spent so long trying to justify her own existence to herself that it was hard to separate the tangled threads of who she was and how she felt from the broken record of everything her parents taught her that still played like an echo in the darkest corners of her mind. 

When Mack pulled away, their eyes met for a moment and Alex felt herself tenderly searching her friend for signs of what she needed. She was asking for advice and next steps. Part of it scared the werewolf. She hardly had all the answers as much as she liked to pretend nothing fazed her. Mack was looking at the floor again and Alex pondered for a moment what was the best way forward. “You can’t turn yourself in,” she began. That much she knew with certainty. “Zombie in prison is kind of a recipe for disaster and a lot more dead bodies,” she explained, “But I don’t think you have to run either. Don’t think you’ll find another town as weird as this one anyway.” 

But what was the answer? What would give Mack some meaning to her life after death? Alex wasn’t sure, but she didn’t think acting was going to be it. That much attention on Mack and eventually someone would notice she wasn’t aging. It felt unfair that it was yet another part of her life that Mack had to leave behind. Alex chewed at her lower lip for a moment before she finally spoke again. “I think what you do now is just… work to get a handle on the whole zombie thing and do good where you can. You’re kind, you know? That kind of thing makes more of a difference than you think. Start small, find things that give you meaning and purpose in the whole undead existence thing you kind of just got thrown into.” 

—

Mackenzie took in this moment. Absorbed all of it. The way Alex was rubbing her head. Her words. Every part of it. She had felt so lost and broken. Mackenzie had just wanted to disappear and never be seen again. The darkness that consumed her life on a regular basis was almost too much to handle on most days, and she had felt so alone for so long. But, at this moment, she wasn’t. There was somebody who cared enough to have stayed by her side.

She couldn’t fault Winter for leaving though. She knew exactly what the medium was going through. Mackenzie had become a zombie a mere two years ago and still struggled with the idea of it every day. Winter had only experienced it just recently. The supernatural world. But it still was a stab straight to her weak heart when she didn’t even give Mackenzie a chance. Instead, taking her leave with nothing but a warning about Taylor and the havoc she was wreaking on Mackenzie’s social media.

“I know you’re right.” Her voice shook with each word she spoke. “You’re right about all of it. I know the easiest thing to do would just be to give up. Which…I want to so badly. But there’s got to be something more out there for me right? Like you were saying, counteract the bad with the good?” She gave a faltering smile to Alex. Mackenzie was scared. She was afraid of what the world could do to her, but more so of what she could do to the world. The past two years had been mourning a life that was never going to be finished living. And here she sat, not sure she wanted her undead one either. But she at least had to try right? She had come this far, and if someone like Alex was willing to be there to walk alongside her and help her through it, then wasn’t that a good enough reason to stay?

[konako]

i(.)redd(.)it/ic0eoxllbgv91(.)jpg Red Warrior AU. Former soldier meets waitress with a secret. They solve mysteries and fight their growing attraction to one another. farfarawaysite(.)com/section/once/gallery2/gallery4/hires/27(.)jpg

The—The noise that left my body, when I opened that first picture. I couldn't even put a name to that emotion. Wow.

First of all, absolutely yes.

Second, what kind of secret are we talking about? Is this a No-Magic AU? Or are we talking Mulan-Got-Included-In-The-Curse AU? Or something in the middle? Because let me tell you, the image I got.

Mulan, former soldier, works at The Gale's farm for a living, riding horses, training horses, breaking horses, all that. People joke that she's a Horse Whisperer, able to tame any wild beast, no matter how feral or how scared. They say she's got a gift. Mulan says it's only patience. (She's never been one to accept compliments. That's the first of many reasons she's been mostly alone)

A life in the military left her ill-prepared for normal social situations, she appears stoic and distant to many that meet her. She doesn't have many friends, and she told herself she prefers it that way. Much like the niece of her friend and long-time employer Aunt Em, Mulan is more comfortable around animals than people. (Maybe that's why she gets along so well with the Gale girl) Her life and work at the farm is enough. She's content.

But one day Aunt Em wakes up sick and Mulan needs to ride to town to fetch her more of the medicine she's prescribed. "And some lunch!", screamed Dorothy, by her Aunt's side. Burgers and pancakes with everything on top, was her request. "What's everything?" Mulan wanted to know — she's always wanted to do a good job, a perfect job; making a mistake, even a silly one like messing up lunch, could ruin her entire month. "Don't worry. Ask for Wolfie. She knows my order". Mulan is relieved to know they have a back-up plan and she gladly heads to town.

Mulan has never stepped foot in the town's diner. The bell that rings over her head as she enters through the door is an alien sound.

She's got their order written down, just in case she forgets. "Everything on top", scribbled in Dorothy's clumsy handwriting. And "Ask for Wolfie", just below it, in Mulan's perfect lines and letters.

She decides she doesn't want to risk it. Aunt Em has woken up to a another bad day as it was, Mulan doesn't want to make it worse by bringing home the wrong lunch. Help, it is. As awful as it feels to admit it.

She asks for Wolfie.

And she's surprised when it's a woman that greets her. Wolfie. Mulan had expected a big man with a beard and bad manners. Instead, it's a young woman. Tall, long hair and bright eyes.

"What can I get you?" The woman, Wolfie — No, that can't be her name — leans on her elbows over the counter, flashing Mulan a wide, honest smile. "No, wait, let me guess," The woman frowns, but her smile doesn't leave her face. She points at Mulan, "You're a friend of Dorothy's?"

Mulan blinks. That is just right.

"Yes." Mulan nods. "How did you know?"

The woman shrugs, "She's the only one that calls me Wolfie," She presses her lips together, and, for a second, Mulan is drawn away from her green eyes. "I don't mind it, but it's kind of an inside joke of ours. You can call me Ruby"

Ruby offers Mulan her hand. Mulan takes it. A firm handshake, as she was taught by her father. Most people are put off by that, she's been told, but Mulan refuses to limply shake a hand. It's not the proper way to greet someone.

To her surprise, yet again, the woman has a grip as firm as hers. The first to do it, in a long time.

Maybe, it's the first person Mulan has properly met, in a long time.

"I'm Mulan", she says, "I work for The Gales"

Ruby arches her eyebrows, leaning further over the counter. "Hmm. Lucky you. It's a beautiful place, up there. The perfect open field to run around"

"You've been there before," Mulan says, and it's half a question, half a statement.

"It's been a long time" Ruby drops her head to the side, looking out the window. "But then they got the horses and I figured I shouldn't come close. I tried it, at first, but it was a... whole thing." She frowns, and this time, her smile falters. When she looks back at Mulan, though, it's firmly back in place.

Mulan blinks, "Why was that? You're afraid of horses?" She asks, finding herself strangely curious.

"Kind of," Ruby sighs. "Yeah, I guess you can say that"

[crescentmoonrider]

If this unreliable self can become someone... - Part 4 (Annotated Edition)

Yuuta falls ill. Toji wouldn't say he was expecting it, wouldn't say he knew the gods would never let him have something good without taking it from him again, wouldn't say this knowledge terrifies him. There's nothing he can do anyway. -or- After a summer storm, Yuuta wakes up in front of a bridge, Rika-chan by his side. She looks so much smaller than he remembered. [Edo AU]

read on AO3

read on FFn

For the final time, welcome to my research notes for this series ! I hope you enjoyed the ride, I certainly enjoyed working on this project on my end ! I hope I can revisit this universe someday, I certainly have some ideas left, but for now this is the end.

Thank you to everyone who decided to try out this weird little story of mine, but now, on to the historical notes !

Face the river Sanzu and walk backwards into life

The Sanzu River (三途の川) is what separates the world of the living from the afterlife in Japanese Buddhist mythology. Before being allowed to cross, you have to pay a toll of 6 mon, and then there are three ways to cross it, depending on how you lived your life. The simplified version is this : the righteous can simply walk across the bridge, most people find themselves having to go through a ford, and the wicked have to swim in the waters (that just so happen to be infested by dragons). Of course, as with all myths, there are variations, and I had personally never heard of the ford crossing before doing research for this fic.

Also, the riverbank is supposed to have red spider lilies on it, leading to these flowers being associated with death (also, they bloom in early fall). So if you’ve ever wondered why these flowers are so prominent in, say, an anime like Jigoku Shoujo, this is why.

Of course, all of this serious talk about death is kind of undermined by my usual title bullshit, this time featuring the iconic dril tweet “If the Zoo bans me for hollering at the animals I will face God and walk backwards into hell”. Such a good line, honestly

“There’s fields around the road, but no one working in them.”

Toji was raised as an old-fashioned samurai, and thus doesn’t know shit about agriculture. Depending on the crops, summer might very well be a period where you mostly stay home and do other work, like cut wood to prepare for winter, work at the loom, maybe go into town to sell other products, because your fields just need to grow, and they’re not going to grow faster if you stay nearby.

I also very purposefully did Not specify what kind of crops are growing in these fields, one because I doubt Toji would be able to differentiate between (for example) millet and buckwheat, both of which were grown in Japan even before the Edo era. Surprise, people didn’t just eat rice ! Turns out rice is a pretty finicky plant, and most fields just can’t grow it properly.

But also uh, I didn’t want to have to figure out the harvest periods for various crops to make sure no one would, in fact, be in the fields at the time this part takes place. Which would be around August ? I think ? Anyway, feel free to theorize on what’s growing in these fields with that knowledge haha

Pilgrim

Pilgrimages were surprisingly highly codified during the Edo era. Or maybe it’s not that surprising. The shogunate at that time was pretty big on laws and social structure.

Anyway, the point is that, in part because of the belief that outsiders to a community would be a corrupting influence, laws called tochi kinbaku (土地緊縛, literally “binding to the land”) were put in place to limit the movement of regular folk.

As a result, people who wanted to go on a pilgrimage to one or multiple temples (with very few exceptions, pilgrimages in Japan target Buddhist sites), out of religious fervor or to pray for recovery from an illness – these people would have to fill the appropriate paperwork with the authorities of their hometown in order to get a permit, maybe fill more paperwork on landing if they went to Shikoku, follow specific routes in a predetermined time limit that usually didn’t allow them to stay in towns more than one night, and get their permit stamped at every temple. Local authorities, be it daimyo bureaucracy or village officials, would be allowed to check the permits of people coming through at any time, and would in turn report to the shogunate.

Now then, how realistic is it for Toji and Yuuta to be on the road all the time, with this in mind ?

Well, for one, the reason pilgrims were limited to specific route is that, you know, turns out that unless you want to build a wall all around your domain (with the exception of a few gates), it’s pretty much impossible to really regulate people’s movements. Also, between Yuuta’s knowledge of plants (and travelling healers were a thing at the time) and Toji’s physical strength, I have no doubt they would be able to make themselves very useful to the locals of whatever town they’re passing through, and thus wouldn’t get into too much trouble with the authorities.

And well, I guess Toji can always fuck the mayor if he risks getting thrown out ú.ù

Kayu

It’s congee. Yuuta is in fact getting his sick people food

Kakebuton (掛け布団)

The blanket part of the futon. I know these notes are getting short, but I’m writing them in parallel with the story, at the same time as I’m writing the second draft, and I’m kind of getting caught up in the emotions

Namu Amida Butsu (南無阿弥陀仏)

A phrase meaning “I take refuge in Amida Buddha” at the core of the Pure Land doctrine. Followers of this school of Buddhism believe that chanting this phrase will lead them to attain rebirth in the Pure Land of Amida Buddha, even if one only chants it on one’s deathbed after a life of evil acts.

Originally, the principle seems to have been to meditate on Amida Buddha rather than simply chanting the phrase, but current Nenbutsu practice focuses on recitation.

“They were eleven.”

Until pretty recently (I’d say Meiji era, but this one I’m really not sure about), ages in Japan were counted from birth. So a two days old baby would be one year. Rika’s age was the same as canon when she died in this world, it’s just the counting convention that has changed

[swevene]

[CHECK]: after an unexpectedly violent situation, sender frantically rushes to check if the receiver is okay, cupping their face to look closer. (Link)

REASONS TO CUP A FACE. ( A PROMPT LIST. ) | @sapientiiae

Hyrule was, for the most part, considered safe. But there was always the possibility of danger when traveling around the fields and forest that were littered around the kingdom. And it could surprise even a seasoned adventure as himself. He really hadn't been paying as much attention as he should have. Far too involved in speaking with Zelda something that seemed to be happening more and more. Certainly after their encounter recently in Ordon which had sadly come to an end. They were now returning the castle and there was questions in the air now of where they went from here. Their feelings had grown and overflown between each other. It seemed now he wanted to kiss her, touch her, just look at her every moment he could spare. 

It was these thoughts and desires that had clouded his mind that he had been unaware of a bulblin as it shot an arrow at him. No doubt ill will from past encounters. Their king may have accepted his defeat and shown Link respect but that didn't stop the others from attacking when they had the chance. As if it was in their nature. This attack which had hit in in his right arm had in spurring into action. Not caring for the injury for now, no, his concern was being rid of the danger and keeping Zelda safe. So spurring Epona around his ordon sword in his left hand he wiped at the archer aiming exactly where he needed. But where there was one bulblin three more followed. He stayed mounted on Epona using his sword only to attack. He could have possibly gotten them more quickly with a bow but he didn't want to struggle with his right arm at the moment. 

The threat only lasted a few minutes before he heard Zelda's horse galloping over to him. She cupped his face making him looking at her rather than trying to scan the area one last time. Both her hands were on his cheeks as his almost frantic eyes trying to look around finally focused on her. And there he found calmness. But with that also came a bit of pain from that arrow in his arm. "I'll be okay just need to bandage myself up." Of that he should have expected he would do no such thing. And once they were both dismounted it wasn't long before he was sitting on the ground and Zelda was kneeled beside him. Tunic and chain mail off and his undershirt rolled up she had bandaged him up as he drank a read potion. She really needn't do that but she had insisted. And more than that a kiss had been placed on it as well as his lips. If that happen maybe getting hurt wasn't so bad, after all, It was worth it for a kiss. 

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Tommy dipping his toes into live shows/ the stand-up comedy world is the most curious thing. I know he’s talked about wanting to try doing stand-up before as like a potential career goal and I definitely think he has the ability. I just really hope its able to manifest. 

As it stands right now, he’s already got the audience - his show’s already sold most of the tickets. (And yeah, doing a one-off show to test the waters is a sensible idea.) I imagine he’ll quickly get used to speaking in front of a live audience. He’s very used to interacting with fans and he’s good at entertaining an audience over live-streams and he’s pretty confident once he’s in his persona. I’m sure its still pretty different but I expect he’ll quickly shed his nerves, especially given he’s gonna be in front of an audience of fans plus he’ll have some of his friends supporting him. 

What I’m uncertain about would be the content. What I’d be really into is if he prepared anecdotes  - retelling a story like his apartment woes and the coffee shop girl story would be great. They’re funny and he’s good at playing up the drama and making it very compelling to listen to. Not sure how long the show would be, but if its around an hour then you’d want several strong anecdotes like that. (And yeah, some old stories that are sure laughs and some brand new stories so it’s not all the same would be great.) Honestly Tommy’s recent streams all have recently showcased his skill at telling compelling anecdotes really well and it makes me wonder if it’s been deliberate to prepare for something like stand-up rather than his standard improv comedy. 

My worry would be if he tried to go more in his vlog humour direction and antics like you laugh you lose. Those are workable in an edited video but it’d feel really cringey in actual concert hall. The fact that he’s doing it with friends means it might be more like that but maybe they’ll just help them to bounce off each other and have fun and Tommy will do at least a little on his own where it’s his job to keep the audience enraptured. 

Overall anyway, if it’s a planned out routine it should be great. I don’t think it’d be the space for too much improv, especially as Tommy will likely feel the pressure to be funny which would make it less natural. 

We feel like livestreaming is a different world but I’m confident there’s a lot of transferrable skills and I know Tommy is naturally entertaining. I’d honestly love it if he got advice from an established comedian just so it’s not all his friends who are also only experienced with livestreaming. I think this has the potential to bring out a great side Tommy and I just really hope it goes great.

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

Reset

chapter 2 babes! i'm thinking this will only be like 10 chaps. anyway, enjoy! (ao3) (1)

Chapter 2

Loop 2

Jazz pounded on his door. “Danny, if you’re not ready in 15 minutes, you can take the bus to school! I’m not waiting!”

A time loop. A goddamn time loop. This would happen to him.

Danny sat up, resting a hand on his chin. He and Sam and Tucker had talked about time loops before, what they would do, but that was mostly focused on the Groundhog Day type of loop, where the day being repeated is otherwise innocuous. This loop, on the other hand…

The end of the world. Or, at least, the end of Casper High. That’s what would happen sometime around the end of the school day today.

“Okay,” he said. “What do I know?”

Well, it was ghost related. Figures, really, in the ghost capital of the world, but his ghost sense went off right before the explosion in both loops.

Differences between the loops? Well, the obvious one was that Paulina and Valerie didn’t fight in English, but did that mean they were in the loop, too? Or had one of the subtle changes he’d made throughout the day change that part as well?

It didn’t matter, he supposed. If Paulina was in the loop, she’d be useless. Valerie could be helpful, but he’d almost certainly need to be Phantom for some of this and that always made working with Valerie difficult. Best course of action was to contact Sam and Tucker, let them know what was going on, then investigate what the threat was and stop it before it got there.

Simple.

He pulled out his phone and sent out a quick text.

To: Sam, Tucker

hey so i think im in a time loop

From: Sam

for real???

From: Tucker

????

To: Sam, Tucker

yeah i lived today twice already. the bad news is that the day keeps ending with the school exploding

From: Tucker

WHAT

danny I’m too young to die

To: Sam, Tucker

been there done that

From: Tucker

D:

To: Sam, Tucker

anyway its got smthn to do with ghosts so im taking the day to investigate

any ideas?

From: Sam

go to clockwork dude

To: Sam, Tucker

OH YEAH

time ghost

this is why youre the smart one

ill let u know how it goes

From: Tucker

good luck dude

don’t die again

From: Sam

let us know if u need anything

Danny locked his phone, then sent Jazz a quick text that he had a ghost problem to deal with before transforming and sinking through the floor of his room, all the way down to his parents’ lab.

Whenever he went into the ghost zone, it always took him the better part of an hour to adjust to all the green. It was overwhelming in its ubiquity and too long of an excursion always left him with a headache. He understood the ghosts invading Amity Park a little better each time he visited.

Clockwork’s lair was at the far end of the zone, away from most other ghosts. Clockwork had once told him that this was a restriction placed on him to keep him from being too powerful, one of many. The Observants were in charge of making sure Clockwork didn’t go rogue and shape the world to his liking, limiting how often he could affect the time stream, in what ways, for what purpose. Clockwork, for all his power, was a prisoner.

(“That’s ridiculous,” Danny had said. “You’re out here trying to save the world and preserve the timeline.”

Clockwork looked away. “I wasn’t always.”

Danny didn’t ask.)

So when he approached Clockwork’s lair, only to be rebuffed by a shimmering force field, he wasn’t surprised. Upset? Yes. Concerned? Yes. Afraid? Obviously. But after all of Clockwork’s meddling during the Dan fiasco, the Observants had been extra cautious about not allowing him to interfere.

The Observants would let the world end to ensure Clockwork was punished, it seemed.

Danny frowned. No, that didn’t make sense. Clockwork had been ordered to kill him once, to save the world. What pissed the Observants off was that he’d instead chosen to save both the world and Danny. So maybe then this time loop was enough for him to save the world, but the Observants didn’t want Clockwork to meddle any more than that? Or something like that, anyway.

Ugh. Why did everything involving Clockwork have to be so cryptic and complicated?

“Now what?” he said.

He wasn’t any closer to figuring out what was going on. He was alone in the middle of the ghost zone, no allies in sight, enemies sure to find him soon…

Wait. Enemies?

Danny scanned the area. Sure enough, no one was around. This was normal for Clockwork’s domain, but he usually had to fight someone on the way from the portal to here. Skulker chased him past the Infinite Vortex. Johnny 13 tried to get him to smoke with him. Ember wanted to test out her new songs on him. Frostbite wanted to hang out.

He’d seen no one. The ghost zone was a ghost town.

He held his breath and listened for the sound of someone. Anyone.

In the distance, he heard what sounded like marching. 

When he flew toward it, he recognized the direction he was heading in. It took him ten minutes worth of flying before he placed it, though, and he could only hope he was wrong.

As the sound got louder, he knew he wasn’t.

“Oh no,” he said as he approached Pariah’s Keep. “Oh fuck.”

Thousands of skeleton ghosts—Pariah’s army—stood and thudded their swords into their shields as they strode forward in organized units. Above them, from the balcony of his castle, stood Pariah Dark himself, Ring of Rage on his hand but Crown of Fire nowhere to be found. Small mercies.

Behind him knelt the Fright Knight. Last Danny had heard, the Fright Knight was working with Vlad, and yet, here he was with his old master.

This was bad. This was all very, very bad.

“Intruder!” The cry rang out from the assembled army. Danny jolted as a number of the skeletons reached out and pointed at his hiding place. “Intruder!”

“Kill the interloper, Knight.” Pariah’s voice never rose in pitch, yet it carried itself across the battlefield and settled itself as a knot of ice in Danny’s spine. He’d barely survived the last fight with Pariah when he’d had the exoskeleton and the rest of the ghost zone on his side. What chance did he have now?

Danny turned and fled.

Right into the Fright Knight’s sword.

“Sorry, ghost brat,” the Fright Knight said, twisting the sword in Danny’s chest. Danny choked on blood and ectoplasm. “But I don’t have time to play with you today.”

The world faded out again.

--

“Val, I’m heading to bed. Have a good day at school, sweetheart. I’ll see you for dinner? My shift starts at 8, can you be home in time?”

Valerie drew in ragged breaths. It happened again. She’d seen the world—or at least Casper High—get blown up twice now. That was too real to be a dream. She—everyone had—

“Valerie?” her dad said. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” she said, forcing the word through her tight throat. Then again, loud enough for Dad to hear. “Yeah! Sorry, I’ll, uh, I’ll be home for dinner.”

“Good. Good morning!”

Valerie choked down a sob. “Good morning, Dad.”

Valerie gave herself one minute after her Dad closed the door to his bedroom to freak out. One minute to cry and lose her mind. Once the clock on her beside ticked over to 7:18, she took deep breaths, wiped down her eyes, and got to business.

What did she know? She pulled out the dream journal she kept by her bed and turned to an empty page. Sometime during the last class of the day, Casper High would be attacked. This last loop saw her in the classroom instead of outside the principal’s office, so she saw the green glow approach just before the end. Ghosts, then. It was always ghosts, wasn’t it?

The first time, Paulina had started a fight with her. The second time, that didn’t happen. Had she somehow changed the outcome just by knowing what was going to happen? Or was Paulina stuck in a loop with her?

Valerie groaned. As useful as it might be to have some help with whatever was going on, she half-hoped that Paulina wasn’t involved. Her ex-friend wasn’t exactly at the top of the list of “People She’d Like To Be In A Time Loop With” after all.

She chewed on her lip. However, if Paulina was in the loop, it could mean that Danny was, too. They were all in the same place during the first loop; could all three of them be in this together? If so, it might even be worth dealing with Paulina. Danny was easily in the top three of her time loop list, right there with her dad and Star. Maybe the two of them could work together and let Paulina do whatever.

She stopped writing. This was all speculative now. The best way to figure anything out was to head to school. If Danny and Paulina remembered, they were bound to be acting strange.

She started to take off her Dumpty Humpty sleep shirt, then paused. What better way to signal to anyone else caught in the loop that she was stuck too than coming to school in her pajamas? It stuck out enough that someone reliving the same day would definitely notice her. Plus, it would save her some time.

So, instead of showering and changing, she swiped under her pits with deodorant and headed off to school.

--

Neither Paulina nor Danny were in school today.

On the plus side, that pretty much confirmed that they were stuck in the loop. They hadn’t missed the last two loops, after all. On the downside, now she looked like an idiot for no reason.

She didn’t even realize that they weren’t there until lunchtime. It wasn’t like she shared a lot of classes with them, and she didn’t have their schedules memorized. Only once she saw Tucker and Sam eating alone, Dash and Kwan laughing with Star, but not Paulina, did she realize that they weren’t there. She hit herself in the forehead. Of course. If you keep reliving the school blowing up, you’ll probably avoid the school. That made sense. It wouldn’t work, of course, but it made sense.

She should go check on Danny. The poor guy was terrified of ghosts; reliving a deadly ghost attack must be his worst nightmare.

After fifth period, she slipped out the back door of the school, summoned her Red Huntress suit to the surface, and zoomed toward FentonWorks.

She slowed as she neared the building, always easy to spot with the hulking metal contraption on top (Danny said it was the Ops Center; Valerie said it was ugly as sin). Peeking through the downstairs window, she spotted Dr. Maddie Fenton welding something at a workstation in the kitchen while Dr. Jack Fenton helped himself to a massive ham sandwich.

No sign of Danny.

She hovered up to the window outside his room. It was dark inside; she couldn’t make out if the shape on his bed was just his covers or if he was huddled inside. She rapped her knuckles on the windowpane. No response.

There wasn’t time for this.

She yanked the window up, busting the lock. The suit really was amazing; she’d never been so strong before. Slipping inside, she could see that the bed was, in fact, empty. Oh well. The window would be fixed when the loop reset.

“Where could he be?” she whispered to herself. Not upstairs, not downstairs.

Maybe… the basement?

She opened Danny’s door and slunk through the hallway, hugging the shadows and stepping toe-to-foot to muffle her footsteps. She needn’t have worried: a horde of elephants trampling through their living room wouldn’t have distracted the Fentons from their work.

She crept down the stairs into the Fentons’ infamous lab, lit by the same green glow that preceded the explosion in the last loop. Danny was, again, nowhere to be found.

Did he leave? Just… run away? No. He wouldn’t have left his family behind. He wouldn’t have left Sam and Tucker behind to die.

Would he?

As she turned to leave the basement, she heard a clattering sound behind her. Spinning back around, she saw skeletons, a horde of skeleton warriors, crawling out of the open portal.

She would deny it to the day she died for real, but she did scream.

She pulled out her ecto gun and began blasting away, but there were too many of them. Soon, she was overpowered, trampled under the boots of long-dead soldiers called to fight again.

One of them stepped on her head. She heard a squish and then there was nothing.

--

Paulina didn’t want to go to school.

School was going to blow up anyway, and there was no point in her getting blown up with everyone else. It wasn’t even a bomb or anything; no, it was a ghost attack, of-fucking-course. It wasn’t like she could do anything to stop it.

So she was staying home. It’s not like there was anyone else here to notice.

She texted Dash, Kwan, and Star and told them not to go to school. They asked why. She couldn’t think of a good answer. Not one they’d believe. She said she was sick and needed company. Star said she couldn’t afford another absence. Dash said he had a really important presentation today that he couldn’t miss. Kwan said he had something special planned today. They all promised to come visit after school.

Idiots. There wouldn’t be an after.

She laid in bed, feeling sorry for herself, eating a tub of low-fat sugar-free frozen yogurt and watching shitty romcoms on Netflix. Not for the first time, she found herself fantasizing about a bowl of real Rocky Road ice cream, but Alma was on strict orders from Paulina’s mother not to let anything with sugar in the house.

The hours passed slowly. Sam and Austin drove off to Princeton. The dancer learned to be true to herself and open to love. One of them had a bear, she was pretty sure. Maybe?

She dozed off at some point. When she woke up, her back was starting to hurt from laying horizontal for so long. She ate more disgusting frozen yogurt. She watched a game show that she forgot the premise of immediately. Looked at the clock. It was almost 3:00. It would be soon.

She threw up her frozen yogurt in the toilet.

Her friends were going to die.

Her friends were going to die.

Her friends were going to die.

Then she heard it. A boom so loud and powerful it shook the foundation of her house. Tears slipped out of her eyes.

“Oh god. Oh god. No. No!”

She looked out her window. In the streets, glowing skeletons marched, killing anyone who stood in their way. She watched as dozens of the idiotic agents of the Guys In White flew in on their ridiculous jetpacks and began firing away. But for each skeletal soldier that fell, five more took their place. The agents were soon overwhelmed, dragged down to Earth and ripped apart.

Paulina threw up again, this time on the floor. She was screaming and crying, she knew, but it all felt distant. Like it was happening to someone else. Like the skeleton breaking down her door wasn’t coming for her, but some other Paulina.

When they cut off her head, she didn’t feel a thing.

[littleeyesofpallas]

I know i tried to put these thoughts in order once already... and I think I got about as close as I ever will with that. But my idiot brain decided to go back to it and try to make a big tiled diagram to organize it all. and of course I couldn't. There just aren't enough shared edges and coherent spacing for all the right thing to be adjacent to eachother.

But so long as we're revisiting this, there was a subject I tiptoed around before, because i knew if i indulged in it it would quickly derail yhe broader subject. But since this is otherwose mostly recap, ill indulge myself a bit, if only to add a little something new to this rant.

Ichigo's manji/swastika motif is pretty firmly rooted in the buddhist side of things, as is the manji's use in the term and concept of bankai in every functional reading of the manga for what it is... but then his black sun thing, even though it's barely present, loops back around to weird escoteric n*zi bullshit that they stole from hindu and buddhist iconography, which unfortunately retroactively realigns Ichigo's motif with n*zi weirdness, even if he doesn't ever actively play into any of it... And the n*zi bullshit of course is where the sternritter uniforms came from, which again makes it uncomfortably close in proximity, even if it doesn't ever seem to make any kind of statement of any of it.

But then Yhwach is obviously a play on Yahweh which is super awkward too, although arguably it's less any kind of a direct attempt at referencing judaism and just a proxy of the christian references. The angelic theme of the sternritter tying more into christian art than jewish, as well as the obvious catholic priest frock uniform influence. Yhwach being an obvious jesus analog what with the son of god, the miracle baby thing, and the blood sacrament bestowing schrift.

in fact his name was thankfully canonically romanized, but the katakana for it is actually Yuu-ha-ba-hha[ユーハバッハ] which is a real mess on its own. That's a German Wa though, japanized as "ba" which in turn indicates an approximation of an English V, not a W. Honestly I'm a little surprised Kubo didn't just opt to call him Jehova.

But then there's vague Louis XIV stuff, which is kind of out of left field. But the LichtReich:"Light Kingdom" mixed with Uryuu's Licht von Prinz:"Prince of Light" epithets position Yhwach as a King of Light, and and the ornate sun gates tied specifically to his royal palace tie his light motif back to the sun, making him a King of the Sun, which is where the obtuse link to le Roi Soleil comes in.

And really it all ties back in to sun imagery from every angle.

And by loose proxy the overt Backbeard associations with Yhwach also being something of a black sun motif. Like Backbeard he's the leader of a western invasion force, a parallel opposition of a Japanese supernatural/occult counterpart just like in the classic yokai manga, GeGeGe no Kitaro. He loosely borrows the aesthetic of abstract darkness and menacing eyes that are at this point a fixture of manga/anime villains just in general.

But also the Soul King himself being a vaguely christlike martyr, and a buddha figure, and like buddha the source of powerful reliquary of his enshrined disembodied bodyparts, which in turn somewhat loosely loops back around to christian reliquary practice as well.

But then the limblessness also sort of ties into Daruma and the bodhidarma? Along with eyes that grant wishes, and a specific sort of thick facial hair, and a withered limbless inert meditative state...

And that one Bleach Brave Souls Spirit Society AU throws some Amaterasu into the mix, because why the hell not...

Again, I didn't really find a geometrically satisfying way to put this all together into a single coherent diagram, but maybe having some of these isolated themes all placed side by side will help intuitively illustrate what it feels like I just have to take so many more words to outline than seems necessary...

(there are upsettingly not actual good detailed looks at YHWACH's obviously eagle motif sword somehow...)

A thing that kind of confuses me —and stay with me here becauase this is going to be a bit of a leap in tangential thinking— is that bits of Ichigo already lightly reference classic super heroes: early chapter covers as well as the shinigami substitute badge itself reference Superman and the S-shield*, and in the context of Mashiro being a supersentai and kamen rider reference, Ichigo's name is likely at least partially a reference to Kamen Rider Ichigo(the retroactive distinction given the original kamen rider after the introduction of Kamen Rider Daigo.)

*and guess what oops another sun motif in superman. it's often not as central to Superman himself, but funny enough the sun thing usually factors more into parodies of Superman like Apollo or Hyperion or Sentry...

And if you're unfamiliar, the origin story of the original kamen rider is that Takeshi Hongo is abducted by SHOCKER a remnant of the n*zi's still active in Japan that experiment on him to turn him into one in a line of super soldiers against his will. The experiment is a success but he turns on his abductors with their own technology and wages a war of revenge and "Justice"(in the literal, lex talion-esque sense of the word) against the evil organization that ruined his life.

And it has since been a kind of unspoken world building rule that every kamen rider since, even as their themes settings and host of powers and villains change, is given or inherits his powers from the same source as the villains(being made by the enemy's experiments, having stolen enemy tech, being part of a race of monsters, etc...) but having his heroism defined not by the source of his powers, but by the conscious and deliberate choice and dedication to fighting evil.

So, point is... when it turns out that Ichigo is struggling with his powers coming from the enemy he's actively fighting, that he didn't choose for himself, where the ultimate moral is that so long as he can use it to protect the people he cares about, it shouldn't really matter where it comes from... When that enemy faction and Ichgio's own powers both start brushing shoulders with very overt n*zi imagery, it actually becomes weirder that Kubo didn't make said imagery more explicit.

Does that make sense?

Like, sure, if he had had the manji as a symbol strictly associated with bankai and the buddhist themes of enlightenment and dodged any sort of overt n*zi parallels that would be one thing. But to then make this whole dynamic with the Quincy and use all this imagery, but then not do something that very clearly outlines itself as

"guy with n*zi powers rejects his powers' benefactors to use them to fight n*zis; Just like in Kamen Rider!"

feels... weird? Not "wrong" per say... and not even "suspect" exactly... I don't really know how to pinpoint it. But if the Quincy as n*zis had just been a side effect of the Quincy as SHOCKER as an extension of Ichgio as Kamen Rider, then ALL this could've been much more easily swept under the rug. And we were kind of already right there, so why not?

[plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms]

Nemesis: Retribution (2)

Summary: 10 years after the Avengers had left you for dead during a mission gone wrong, you unexpectedly re-enter their lives. Wholly unrecognizable from the person they used to know and now with a new team behind you, they ask for your help to stop a chain of syndicates who were manufacturing and peddling the super soldier serum. You were determined to say no until the chance at the vengeance you had been chasing for years was added to the offer.

Fandoms: Avengers, Marvel, MCU, The Punisher, Daredevil

Pairings: Female Reader x (Frank Castle, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff)

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SMUT FOR THIS CHAPTER. SHAMELESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS. (18+ ONLY), polyamorous relationships, reverse harem, blatant disregard for canon timelines and events, mentions of illnesses, momentary fluff, bit of angst care of Bucky, Punisher canon level of violence and gore, rejection, bullying, heartbreak, character death

A/N: I couldn’t resist not posting this early. Here you go. Next ones will probably take a while coz I have to be an actual adult for a bit. 

No permission is granted to repost, steal, or translate my work. Not even a credit makes it okay. Tumblr is the only place I post my writing. If you see it anywhere else please report it.

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

1:2 Dark Chocolate

A few days of rest was required to recover from a super soldier's punch. The doctors had said that you were lucky Steve hadn't punched you with full strength or else you would probably have a whole cracked rib cage. You were anxious to jump back in to training, not used to being idle for very long.

You were given some painkillers at the clinic and ordered to stay there for the rest of the afternoon for monitoring. When you woke up, it was early evening and a blonde super soldier was napping on a steel chair next to your bed. He jumped when you moved to sit up, his heightened senses alarmed and disoriented for a second before he quickly switched to repeatedly apologizing to you. You laughed out loud. It was just a little ridiculous to you to see such a commanding presence in the field so charmingly boyish and adorably embarrassed.

Steve was a comforting presence but to be honest you were hoping to see Bucky. You didn't get a chance to thank him since he left immediately after the doctors had ushered you into the examination room. Once you were cleared to return to training, you caught sight of his long brunette hair and the bright smile on your face couldn't be stopped. It was the glare he pinned you with that made you halt your approach.

He was back to his disapproval of your very existence.

You had to admit that it stung. You thought that you were getting somewhere with him after he helped you. At least somewhere outside of the realm of outward disdain. And maybe you were hoping just a little bit that it could lead down the road to him feeling the same about you.

The timing was perfect when you were assigned to your first official mission with the Avengers. It was a chance to prove your worth to the team and to Bucky in particular. A chance to maybe make him see you as more than just a troublesome recruit.

You came back from the mission with your head held high and absolutely glowing with confidence at the kudos from Sam and Natasha. The great Natasha Romanoff had complimented your sniping skills, picking off enemies in her area even before she could aim her own gun at them.

The first thing you wanted to do after getting back to the Compound was to tell Bucky. You wanted to brag a little bit and maybe even thank him for the mentoring. If he hadn’t been so hard on you then you wouldn’t have pushed yourself to be at this level. You were skipping down the halls of the Compound in search for him, clutching the bullet casing from your first official Avenger kill.

FRIDAY had informed you that he was in the training area and you were bouncing on your feet with excitement. As you entered though the place was empty, the rest of the agents having retired to the mess halls. You ventured further in, trusting FRIDAY’s intel until you heard some noises coming from the adjacent armory. You smiled, he must be cleaning his guns again.

As you got closer, the noise began to get louder until you could make out what was undeniably pleasured moaning, one low and gravelly while the other more high pitched. You should have turned away, if only for the privacy of the couple who was wrapped up in their passion, but your curiosity pushed you to come closer and peak through the small crack in the door.

The brief image that you saw made you instantly draw back, a shaking hand pressed to your mouth to silence the shocked gasp. You backed away slowly, your mind struggling to process what you had just seen, then your flight response kicked in and you ran like hell out of there. The scene was burning a hole in your brain and caused your skin to grow cold. Sergeant Barnes rutting hard against a woman wrapped around his waist, his glinting eyes locked with yours, and a cocky sneer on his face.

You didn’t go to dinner that night or to the team celebration for a successful first mission. You chose instead to lay in your bunk with tears burning in your eyes and trying to erase the memory of your discovery. Of course he was already dating someone. A man of his caliber was sure to have a line-up of gorgeous eager women at his disposal. He probably had no interest in boring recruits like yourself. The woman he was throwing into bliss must be some supermodel or high ranking spy. How did you even end up deluding yourself that you could possibly catch his eye?

The rest of your roommates filtered in after a few hours, chatting away noisily about the party. Anna had come to sit on the edge of your bed and ran a comforting hand along your arm, concern clearly etched on her face.

“I’m fine. Just tired. The mission really wore me out,” you muttered with a small smile. You weren't ready to talk about it yet.

“Personally I think I had better success today than all of you,” Kim’s shrill voice cut through the good natured conversations in the room.

She wasn’t part of the group taken on the mission, claiming beforehand that she was ill. A chorus of curious why’s rang out through the group and she preened at once again being the center of attention.

“Well I just had the fuck of a lifetime from none other than Sergeant James Barnes.”

The room of women burst into chaos; squeals of disbelief, rapid fire questions on how big he was and how good of a lay was he, were they dating now or was this a fuck buddy situation. Of course Kim was more than happy to entertain each question.

You tuned all of it out, the noise turning into an annoying ringing in your ear. You turned around to face the wall as the silent tears that refused to be contained any longer fell to wet your pillow. You barely registered Anna squeezing your shoulder or the words that Kim threw your way.

“Sorry, Y/N. I guess I was just more Bucky’s type.”

You curled yourself into a tighter ball as the pain in your chest radiated across your whole body. You had assumed wrong about Bucky. It seemed that he wasn’t opposed to dating new recruits.

He was just opposed to you.

The taunting from Kim continued on and you just couldn't take it any longer. You brushed the tears away, grabbed your sweater, and marched yourself to the door. You needed to get some air. You needed to get away. Anywhere but there. You wrenched open the door and almost came crashing straight toward a solid chest. Your eyes travelled up to lock with the kind blue gaze of Captain America. You wondered why Steve was standing at the doors of your bunkers holding a pack of beer in his hand.

"Good evening, ladies," he said to the room of now suddenly speechless females. "I'm just going to borrow Y/N for a bit."

The crowd remained in shocked silence while you stared at him in confusion as he smiled sweetly down at you. He had gone looking for you when he didn't see you at the celebration after Natasha and Sam had sang your praises to him at your performance. He wanted to congratulate you and bring you a drink for a job well done.

"Come on. I know a good spot," he said, placing a hand on your back and guiding you out.

Steve brought you to the top of an observatory in the Compound. It was quiet, peaceful, and offered a great view. He cracked open a bottle for you and the conversation just flowed naturally. He kept making you laugh until your sides hurt with stories about his time as a performer in the military and all the unfortunate videos that came with it. You were crying with pure joy when he relented and re-enacted his buy military bonds act, your earlier darkened mood forgotten for the moment.

Steve felt like he did something right when your glassy eyes and defeated expression was replaced with clear amusement. Even if it was at his expense. He wouldn't ask what the reason was, but he felt happy he made you feel better.

"Thank you, Steve," you muttered before you parted ways. Somehow both of you understood that it was more than just for the drink.

You promised yourself then that you would give yourself tonight to weep over your unfortunate romantic feelings. Only for tonight. Come morning you would focus all your energy on what you actually came here to do; become an Avenger. You slept fitfully that night, the shell casing from your first mission still gripped in your hand.

You made a conscious effort after that day to limit your interactions with Bucky and Kim to polite clipped conversations. At first Bucky had been surprised at your change in attitude, your blank expression and sparse words causing a momentary guilt to flash in his eyes. You had chosen instead to spend more time with Steve and the twins, your mood obviously brighter around them.

You were sitting now in a large conference room for a briefing on the next mission with a handful of other recruits when Sam Wilson sent you out to fetch the rest of the Avengers who were running late and not responding.

"Can you get them for me, sweetheart?" he chuckled, knowing that you blushed uncontrollably each time he used a nickname on you.

FRIDAY had directed you to the private common room exclusive for their use. You were about to knock on the door when you heard your name in the middle of what sounded like a heated argument. Against your better judgement, you leaned in closer.

"I don't think Y/N's cut out to be part of this team."

Your heart dropped. The conviction in Bucky's voice was clear. It was one thing for your infatuation with him to be forcefully thrown back at your face, but for him to explicitly state to a set of people that you held at such high esteem that you were not good enough was a whole other vicious heartbreak.

Lily was wrong. This time you should have known when to quit.

You forced yourself to crack the door wider and step inside, clearing your throat to announce your presence. You didn't see the startled look on their faces or the guilty one that followed when they realized that you had heard. One look at your sad glistening eyes that refused to look up confirmed it. Natasha and Steve both threw Bucky a deadly glare.

"Sam wants you all at a briefing. I was sent to come get you."

Your voice was so small and unsteady, none of the easy happiness and optimistic determination that it usually carried. Bucky felt the shame burn through him, the guilt drowning him in an instant. You weren't supposed to hear that. He took a step towards you, instinct driving him to do anything to wipe that defeated look off your face, but a threatening look from the twins pinned him in place.

"We'll walk back with you, little star," Pietro said softly, appearing beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Wanda came on the other side, looping your arm with hers.

For the rest of the briefing, you strained with the effort of focusing on Sam while blatantly ignoring Bucky. You knew he was staring a hole at the back of your head, but you couldn't allow yourself to give him any satisfaction by looking back. You were soon assigned your tasks, you being placed on sniper duty again having performed well the last time.

It was supposed to be a run of the mill mission for intel and taking out a criminal base, but with the expectation of more hostiles so a slightly bigger team was necessary. You practically flew out of the room when you were dismissed, not giving anyone a chance to talk to you. A decision was solid in your mind now for when you got back.

This would be your last mission.

The ride on the jet to the location was spent with you cleaning your gear and checking your weapons. You were sliding a few knives in place when Bucky came in front of you holding out another set of knives for you to take.

"You know if you tilt the hilt to the left you can fit more in one holster," he said.

It was odd hearing him with almost warmth in his tone toward you. If it had happened yesterday, you probably would be celebrating this fact. You nodded at him, but didn't say a word.

"Remember to keep your head low and stay on your post. Okay, doll?"

You nodded wordlessly again. Because you made a point not to look at his face, you missed the way he was struggling to say more to you and the disheartened look when you obviously weren't going to answer him. You ignored him for the rest of the ride, choosing to focus on reviewing the intel.

As far as bad intel could go, this had to be the worst. You were perched up on a densely covered hill a good distance away from the base that the rest of the team were storming. You were picking off as many hostiles coming out of the base as quick as your hands would allow. Your fingers were starting to ache from the constant reloading, your eyes stung from the gunpowder, and your lip was already bleeding from biting down on it.

The noise in the comms was pure mayhem. Each team member trying to ask for help, for backup, for a plan. You had all come expecting a fight but not an army prepared to defend. You were certainly not expecting HYDRA.

"They have Bucky."

Three words spoken that sent a cold dread to wash over all of you. HYDRA couldn't be allowed to take Bucky. You abandoned your post without a second thought and sprinted down toward the base, pistols at the ready for anyone coming your way.

"Last location," you asked urgently as you slipped into the building shooting down two agents immediately.

"West wing. Near the last corridor," Steve grunted, clearly having a hard time on his end. "Y/N, do not engage!"

"I'm the closest one, Cap."

"I'm close too. Just a little busy," Natasha huffed. "I'll follow, Y/N. Steve, we need to get the hell out of here."

Steve had reluctantly agreed, seeing that there was no other choice. He quickly barked orders and commanded you to keep safe. You nodded although he couldn't see it as you wove through the corridors at full speed in search of your teammate. The moment you barged into that last room, your eyes found an unconscious Bucky immediately.

Seeing him in that chair horrified you; shirt ripped, bleeding in several areas, skin pale and cold with sweat, chest rising and falling far too rapidly, and eyes that were unresponsive. You were so distracted by the jarring image that you failed to notice the operatives across the room until the bullets were burning through your soft flesh.

You screamed from the pain, but raised your gun and fired back until you heard their bodies thud heavily on the floor. You clutched at your side, the amount of wet blood pouring out was alarming. You pushed your own welfare aside and hurriedly undid Bucky's restraints. It was a struggle to sit up a semi-conscious super soldier and when you took his weight on your shoulders, you collapsed to the floor at the intense pain in your arm. You hadn't realized that you had multiple shots there too.

You gritted your teeth and groaned at the effort of lifting you both up, your blood soaking through your gear as well as Bucky's. You huffed painfully with each step but you just had to get him out of there. You could have kissed Natasha square in the mouth when you saw her come barreling towards you.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N!" she winced at your state before taking Bucky's other side. Apparently you looked as bad as you felt. "We gotta move fast. I hear more of them coming up this way. This path is clear."

Having Natasha's help in carrying Bucky alleviated some of the burden from you and made you all move faster, but the blood loss was already starting to make your vision blurry and the adrenaline was wearing off. Through the haze, you could also hear the rapidly approaching footsteps. Soon you would be basically useless and you knew there was no way Natasha could carry you both out while fighting off a hoard of enemies.

"Natasha," you said quietly, your steps faltering.

"No. Keep going goddamn it!" Natasha cried.

She knew what you were thinking. She had assessed the situation too and come to the same miserable conclusion. You smiled sadly at her angry eyes and shaking head as you let go of your hold on Bucky. Her eyes widened further as you limped toward the doors behind you and locked them tight before raising your guns to aim right at anyone who would come through them.

She didn't miss how your hands were shaking and your shot arm could barely hold up, the way you scowled deeper in pain with each movement, or how your uniform was soaked in your own blood and slowly forming a pool at your feet. Ghastly as you looked, you turned your head and tossed her another gentle smile. You were basically going to use yourself as a human shield for them and yet you were comforting her. You were reassuring her.

"Check on my sister for me, yeah?"

Natasha wanted to insist on another plan. Anything other than leave you behind to hold off the nearing enemy units. Shouting and gunfire from the other side of the door forced her to make a decision. She cursed sharply under her breath and dragged Bucky away with her, the regret heavy on her heart for having to leave you behind.

You stepped further back and supported your weak body against the wall after Natasha had thankfully left. The enemy was trying their hardest to barge through the door, ramming into it and shooting their guns at the locks. It wouldn't be long now before they manage to breach it.

You took a moment to spare a thought for your sister. A part of you was saddened to think of her grief after she finds out that you had done the most heroic thing anyone could ever do.

Sacrifice.

Another part of you was relieved knowing that she had Jill and she wouldn't be alone in that grief. When you decided this morning that this would be your last mission, you didn't necessarily expect it to be in this way.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

Natasha managed to get Bucky back to the jet where the rest of the team were all converging, still fighting off operatives chasing after them. There just didn't seem to be any end to them.

"I'm going back for Y/N!" she yelled to the team as she dropped Bucky on the floor of the jet. There was no time to be gentle, she had to hurry back to help you out.

"What do you mean? Where the hell is Y/N, Nat?" Steve shouted as he grabbed her arm.

"She stayed behind to hold off the ones chasing us so we could get out. I have to go back!"

"I will go. I can get her out," Pietro volunteered at once but he doubled over immediately from the extensive wounds on his torso.

Natasha was already sprinting back into the compound, not willing to waste another minute. She made it only a few feet before the entire facility exploded into a fiery inferno that quickly ravaged it and threw her farther back.

The entire team watched in horror as the explosions continued on several parts of the structure. The area was quickly getting engulfed by the flames and smoke. Steve had to force everyone onto the jet and bodily carry a shell shocked Natasha.

No one could have possibly survived that.

------------------------------

Natasha steadied her breath as she quietly landed on a perch high above in the rafters of a seedy warehouse. Wanda joined her seconds later, weaving her magic to better cloak them. The other twin was running a lap around the perimeter and would join them later.

She was assigned weird missions all the time. Missions that had very little to doubtful intel was common. This mission though was by far the strangest she's ever gotten. There was a very small list of vague things that were told to them; the time and location, not to intervene, to remain unseen until the target was ready, bring the target to the Compound.

She was slightly annoyed, but she complied anyway. She was curious too as the mission was given in secret to only the three of them. A million questions was speeding through her mind as she observed the activity below. It looked like a regular run of the mill drug den filled with busy workers and roving guards.

"How many, Wanda?" Natasha whispered.

"I sense more than 25 of them. All armed, but with much fear."

A gust of wind signaled the return of the other twin. He had a frown on his face and a concerned look in his eyes. "There is another one, but this one does not seem to be with them."

Natasha was starting to sincerely doubt this mission when a fast movement from the shadows caught her eye. By the way the twins perked up too, they surely had seen it. They followed the figure as it slipped through the darkness, almost losing track if they hadn't noticed that the guards were quickly dwindling in number. Natasha was growing worried, this was surely a highly skilled group of assassins. Pietro must have been mistaken. They were clean and efficient too.

All of a sudden a gunfight broke out below them. A figure completely clad in black, strolled casually out from the shadows with a pistol in each hand firing precisely at their targets. They confidently charged closer, unfazed as they greeted the gunfire. They continued to tear viciously through the crowd with a deadly mix of combat, bullets, and blades. 

The workers had drawn their weapons by now as well, but they were quickly killed off with barbaric aggression. It did not take long for the floor below to become a sea of blood and lifeless bodies. One person remained barely alive, hanging on to his middle to keep his internal organs from spilling out from the wide gash. The attacker came to him, nonchalantly stepping over decimated bodies. They couldn't hear what was exchanged from this distance, only the choked scream that followed as he was stabbed straight through the throat. His blood spurting out like a broken faucet.

Natasha had been in this profession for a while, but she has never seen this level of unrestrained violence.

One person.

One single person had cleared out a base of approximately 30 people. Natasha was growing more and more worried. Clearly this person was at the very least an enhanced and even with the twins with her, they were not prepared to face someone powered.

What kind of bloodthirsty lunatic does this?

"You can come down now."

All three of them froze in place. Looking down, the attacker was staring right at them with cloaked eyes. Reluctantly and very slowly, Wanda used her powers to float them down carefully keeping a good distance from this murderer.

From this close they could now see that they were in full military tactical gear in what was originally all matte black, but now had an explosion of dripping red. Combat boots, fitted cargo pants, a long sleeved shirt underneath a tight bulletproof vest, gloves, a loose hood over their head, and a cloth mask around the lower half of their face.

"Should have known something was up when my team mentioned seeing a really fast man."

The shivers that travelled through every expanse of skin on Natasha, was a reaction to that voice. It sounded strangely familiar yet unknown, but something in her mind was denying her from piecing it together. The moment the hood was dropped to reveal their eyes was when she spiraled into a complete icy shock. They were eyes that had haunted her for the past ten years. Haunted all of them. The only difference was that the eyes in her memories were smiling warmly.

The bloodied face mask was lowered to reveal a face they mourned, unmistakable and yet completely different. White raised scars branched out like weaving vines from the right side of the neck to just above the jaw and the ears. They were obviously old and healed but still raised and prominent, adding an even more dangerous edge to the menacing look on their face.

Your face.

"Hello, Natasha. Pietro. Wanda."

10 years after they had watched you tragically perish in a burning HYDRA facility, you stood before three of a group of people you had unknowingly tormented all these years.

The earpiece you wore crackled to life. "Blackbird to Hedwig. I have a visual. Should I shoot them?"

You smirked. There was no need for that. At least not right now.

"Hey, Blackbird. Tell Raven I'll be late for dinner. I have a reunion to get to."

------------------------------

A/N: Tell me which pairing or combination in this harem you’re most looking forward to. Smut or otherwise. I’m still rearranging scenes and working out smut. There is a long list of kinks. I need help.

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[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

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May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

��No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

A Bad Feeling Pt 1

Levi x Reader

Part 1

Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader

Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence

Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?

***************************************************

A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!

"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.

You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.

Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.

Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..

Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.

But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.

Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.

Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.

You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.

"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.

With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.

"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.

"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.

From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.

"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"

The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.

"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.

" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.

"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.

"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"

"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.

Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.

You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.

************************************

"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.

You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.

Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.

*knock knock*

You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..

With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.

You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.

Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.

Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.

You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.

"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.

"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.

"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.

You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.

You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-

*click*

You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.

"Captain what are you-"

"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.

"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.

"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"

Shit

"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.

"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.

You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.

"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.

"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.

"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.

"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.

"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.

"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"

"W-what?" You were utterly confused.

"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"

"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"

"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"

"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.

"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.

Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.

But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.

You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.

"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"

"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.

With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.

"NO SIR!"

"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.

"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.

He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.

"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"

You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.

When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.

D-did, d-did that really happen?!?

You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.

You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.

It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.

"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.

"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.

Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.

"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.

Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!

"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"

"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.

"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.

Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.

You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.

Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.

"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.

Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?

Wrong...

Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.

"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.

"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-

"Look at me"

*******************************

Part 2 here

Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!

[yutanology]

Promise Me | Yandere! Nakamoto Yuta X Fem!Reader

Warning : 18+, possessive, foul behaviours, sexual content(nothing biggie), mental illness, death, etc. No proofread. Please, don't be too harsh on me. I'm still new and this is my first ever one shot/fanfiction here :)

Word count : 2.4k+

"Could you just stop?" Y/n whisper shouted at her seatmate who had been bothering her since this morning.

It's not like this is new to her or to anyone in their class but today, he seemed to be more clingy and touchy than he usually was and she found it quite unusual.

By the time she stepped into the school campus this morning, he abandoned his game with his friends on the soccer field just to greet her with his dashing smile and a nice warm hug.

She didn't mind it at first as she was already used to it but when she thought he's going to leave her alone after that, he followed her around instead like a lost puppy. She could almost see a furry tail happily wagging behind him.

Everywhere she goes, he's there right beside her. Either his hands were holding hers or his arms were wrapped around her lower waist. Some people were jealous or happy when they thought they're finally officially together and when someone questioned their relationship, Y/n would immediately respond saying they're just friends while Yuta would say otherwise, leaving them confused.

He was still attached to her during her classes and even ditched his just to be with her. The teachers could only sigh in defeat and shake their head. They knew that whatever they say, there's nothing they can do to make the stubborn guy follow their orders.

At the end, he'd always get what he wants.

The Japanese boy glanced at her side profile. His head was laying on top of his other hand. Seeing her brows furrowed irritatedly, he stopped for a moment before continuing to twirl a few strands of her silky hair between his long fingers.

It doesn't look like he has any plans of keeping his hands to himself at all. She'd been trying to get rid of him for countless times and she failed with all of those useless attempts. She's so close of getting angry at him but she doesn't want to lash out on him and seem like a bad person.

With her another sigh passing through her soft reddish lips, she looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Just five minutes more, Y/n. Just a little more patience, you can do it.’ she tried to convince herself. By those five minutes, she let Yuta play with her hair.

When the school bells rang and echoed around the campus, she immediately fixed her things and rushed out of the classroom before the teacher could even dismiss them. The corridors are already crowded and she could only hope that Yuta wouldn't be able to follow after her this time.

She decided to go to the restroom and stayed there until she was certain that Yuta's nowhere around her. He's really acting weird and she couldn't understand why. Whenever she asked what's wrong with him, he'd always say the same thing like 'I'm fine. It's all in your mind.’

His gaze, the way he looks at her also felt different this time. She felt something uneasy somewhere in the pit of her stomach or maybe there's something wrong with 𝘩𝘦𝘳. Maybe she's just overthinking way too much since that's what she always do mostly when she doesn't get enough sleep and she stayed up late last night.

That's right... these shit are all just in her head.

She released an exhausted sigh and turned the faucet on to wash her face, hoping that it would also wash her frustrations away. She reached for a handkerchief from her bag and wiped her face dry as she made her way out of the comfort room.

Her heart almost jumped out of her ribs when she found Yuta standing just a single step from the exit. She gasped and her hand immediately flew to her chest in surprise. "Yah! Stop scaring me like that!" she yelled and he only chuckled in amusement.

"I've been waiting for you. What took you so long?" he asked her, locking his hand on hers as he lead her to the canteen. Eyes of the people they passed by were immediately on them like they're more interesting than the lessons that their teachers taught them.

"Wait, why were you waiting for me?" confusion was evident on her face.

"So we can eat together for lunch, of course. Come on, we don't have all the time. Classes are going to start after forty minutes." he casually said, pulling her closer to him when they walked passed a group of boys and he didn't fail to notice the way they looked at Y/n.

He didn't like it, not even a bit.

Y/n seriously couldn't count how many times she sighed at how she always end up letting Yuta do whatever he wanted to do with her. From the simple hand holds to sudden random kisses that he pepper on her face. No matter how hard she tried to push him off, he'd always stick himself even more closer to her.

It was like that for the passed weeks and it was honestly so tiring as hell. Yuta just won't leave her alone even when she goes to the restroom, he would insist to wait outside the cubicle that she had to push him away and lock the main door of the room.

She could barely talk to other people peacefully as he would shoo them away immediately and ask them to leave her alone. It was so frustrating and she's getting fed up of his unexplained foolish practices.

She's well aware that the guy likes her more than just a friend and she also can't deny that she's attracted to him but these behaviours of his are just too much for her.

The said dirty blonde haired Japanese guy was sitting closely beside her, his chin rested on her right shoulder as he watched her turn pages of the book that she's reading. He wasn't paying attention to the words written on the dead leaves. His eyes stared at her small hands, wondering how they would feel like around his cock—

"Yuta." the guy's ears perked up when she said his name. Snaking his arms around her waist, he pulled her to his chest and planted a kiss on her neck. Her cheeks heated at the unexpected skin contact but she tried her best to ignore the butterflies that he's giving her.

She's planning to finally confront him and she had to make him stop whatever he's doing cuz it's no fun at all. It's not entertaining and she's not amused at all. "Yuta." he hummed, his kisses getting wet and he started to graze his teeth on her skin, lightly nibbling on them until he finally bit hard enough to leave a mark.

A whimper tried to escape her mouth but she's fast enough to bite her lower lip, trapping the sound until it disappeared on it's own. He was disappointed when she didn't make any sound for him, thinking that he didn't do well enough to make her feel good so he ran the tip of his tongue on her neck.

His hot minty breath heated her skin and tingles spread around her body when he blew her sensitive ear, nibbling her earlobe and placing a kiss on one of her flushed cheeks. His hands wandered under her blouse, caressing the side of her hips with his thumb.

He slowly dragged his large hands up under her breasts and just when he was about to touch them, Y/n pulled away from him. A low whine and groan simultaneously erupted from him, complaining at the lose of skin contact from her.

Y/n looked around the library if someone saw them and she was thankful that no one was there but only them. She straightened her blouse, closing the book and stood up. "Where are you going?" he also stood up from his seat, ready to follow her wherever she's going.

She didn't answer him. She slung one of her bag's strap on her shoulder, walking away with the book and placed it back to where she took it. Yuta was quick to keep up with her steps, confused of why she was suddenly in a hurry.

When they finally got out of the library, she stopped at the nearby bleachers where students barely pass by and turned to him with an exasperated sigh, "Yuta, seriously, what's wrong with you?" the way she questioned him came out more stressed out than how she wanted it to be.

Yuta blinked his eyes a few times as if he's trying to figure out what she meant. "What do you mean, what's wrong with me? I'm totally fine. Are you okay?" it was his turn to ask her, walked close to her and placed a hand on her forehead.

"Are you sick? You don't seem fine to me. Let me take you to the clinic—"

"Yuta, stop." she stepped away from him before he could even hold her hand. He halted, his brows met as his eyes stared at her worryingly.

"Stop whatever you're doing to me and please, leave me alone. I also need some time for myself and other people around me, alright? You can't keep me from interacting with anyone. This is honestly suffocating, Yuta. We can't keep doing this."

He felt like his heart shattered into tiny pieces. His chest tightened and his airways narrowed, making him unable to breath properly. Without him knowing, tears were already streaming down his cheeks.

Y/n was taken aback at this, immediately feeling guilty for making him cry. She didn't expect him to be this emotional for his appearance.

"Look, I'm sorry but—"

"D-don't you love me anymore, Y/n?" He didn't let her finish her words, leaving her speechless at the question.

Her mouth left agape, struggling to find the right words to tell him. "Did you find someone else better than me that's why you're planning to leave me, is that it?" more salty water poured out of his eyes.

"Yuta, w-what are you talking about? We're not in a relationship to begin with."

"Then let's be together officially! Just you and me, Y/n. I'll do anything just to be with you. I promise, I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have. I'll give you everything you want—" he held her arms, "—just promise me I'll be the only one you'll ever love and want to be with. Promise me, Y/n. Promise me!"

Yuta secured his arms around her, holding onto her desperately. Scared that if he lets go, he might lose her. He can't let that happen. Like what he said, he'll do whatever it takes just to have her.

All for himself.

"Y-you have to promise me, Y/n."

Her head was clouded with a lot of thoughts. She was barely thinking straight and her emotions also messed up with her. She really likes Yuta. The increasing speed of her heartbeat and the butterflies flying around her stomach with euphoria whenever she's with him didn't lie at all but it felt wrong.

These feelings didn't feel right.

She pulled herself away from him and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Yuta..." that was all she said before she left him without even looking back at him.

She had no idea how it broke him and how it made him do things that a normal person wouldn't do. He saw nothing but red after she disappeared from his sight. Everyone who tried to touch or talk to her the next day suddenly disappeared, a minute after they left somewhere else.

At first, she didn't think much about it until the number of people disappearing quickly increased and made everyone alarmed. All schools around the place were forced to close for a moment and people were told to stay at home with tight security to keep them safe.

Everyone was scared including Y/n, of course.

It made her so anxious that she could barely sleep at night. One morning, a knock on her door echoed around her silent apartment and she panicked, quickly hiding on her bedroom.

She almost peed her pants in fear when the knocking and ringing of doorbells continued for minutes. Her phone went off on her nightstand and she ran to it. Yuta's calling.

Without a second thought, she answered it with trembling voice. "Y-yuta..."

"Y/n, are you okay? Please open your door for me, I have to make sure you're safe. I'm the one outside your house."

And that was all it took for him to be with her. Make her scared to be outside, convince her that everyone is dangerous and he's the only one who can protect her.

Whenever he goes outside to buy food and other necessities for the both of them, he'd always return with a small cut or bruises and it made Y/n scared that she might lose him too.

He's all she had left.

He made her thought of that. He's all and everything she could ever need. She'd be nothing without him.

"Do you love me?" he asked and she nodded silently.

"If you really do, promise me that you'll love me and only me, Y/n. I wanna hear it from you." Yuta looked at her straight in the eyes when he said those words.

"I promise." his heart raced inside his chest.

A smile stretched out on his plump lips. "I love you, Y/n. So much than you could ever imagine." He meant it. He always had and always will. He leaned his body closer to her, locking his lips with hers and they moved in sync.

This is paradise to him.

He couldn't explain how much happy he's right now. With her here in his arms, it's the only place where she's safe. He watched her drift off to sleep, he kissed her forehead when her eyes finally closed.

He could look at her like this forever. The love bites that he painted on her skin looks so beautiful. She's like the most beautiful painting he'd ever seen and she deserve to be placed on his art gallery but she's only for him to be looked at.

He sighed dreamily as he continued to press more kisses on her neck. He successfully made her love him. There's nothing he could ask for, now that her naked body is already tangled with him under their soft blanket.

He could only hope that she'd keep her words and stay true to him.

Feedbacks are pretty much appreciated and requests are open! Feel free to share your thoughts!

I will not always be active but I will try my best to attend each of your requests and to also interact with y'all.

I apologize for not being word-perfect in English. English sadly ain't for me—

[intuitive-revelations]

Ok, party ended early so a bunch of immediate thoughts on The Halloween Apocalypse, before I rewatch it:

I noticed that a LOT of what we saw in the trailer comes from just this episode, which means we have very little idea of what's coming up.

I'm also sure there's a lot of interesting details in the snippets we did see, hence why I want to comb through it later.

Immediately noticed that those Division agents had the same gun as Ruth!Doctor. I think the holograms might have shown circular gallifreyan, but it was hard to tell as the writing was quite pixelated.

Swarm described his transformation as 'renewal' which immediately sets off early-Who / Morbius continuity vibes.

He also spoke about the agents' work towards 'division' not 'the Division', which makes me wonder just what the word means. Something related to the Anchoring of the Thread and its effect on spacetime maybe, dividing the 'Dark Times' universe from the new? Makes sense with him supposedly having been imprisoned since the beginning of the universe, but that also likely being hyperbole, that we may well dig into some more ancient Gallifrey lore.

Actually the fact that a crystalline creature experienced its own version of regeneration kinda makes me think of Eldrad?

@doctornolonger said it already, but yeah, Karvanista being a Division agent feels VERY Wardog-y. Makes me wonder if its a bit of a reinvention of that bit of lore to avoid stepping on Marvel's toes.

(Side note: I love Karvanista)

On the other hand his line at the beginning about the 'final hours of planet Earth' while technically true, feels like a bit of lazy writing making him seem menacing to start with, given the reveal that his species are trying to rescue humanity.

Outpost 'Rose' is interesting. Not sure what to make of it yet.

The TARDIS spawning new doors. Could that be related to how it's failing to track the multiple incursions? Like it's literally trying to materialise in multiple places at once.

Actually, the TARDIS seems kinda sick in general, especially with regards to that leakage (which now that I think about it, reminds me of the timeship leak in The Pilot that took over Heather).

When the Doctor checked under the TARDIS console, was she using the chameleon arch headset in some way? I guess it could just be a reused prop, but with what she said about a 'glitch' I'm not sure...

CORRECTION: just checked it, I didn't catch that she said it was an MOT on her mind, implying the glitch was her connection to Swarm. She's DEFINITELY using the chameleon arch for it, though hopefully it's just jury-rigged for another purpose?

"Thirty Trillion Light Years Away" is actually surprisingly far for the Sontarans to be. It's not too surprising they'd get so far away given their tech level, but usually they're a very Mutter's Spiral/Milky Way and the rest of the Twelve Galaxies centric species. Makes me believe that these ones, at least, must have little connection to the Sontaran-Rutan War.

OK, the 'Flux'. The description of it actually makes me think about the theoretical idea of 'vacuum decay' where a quantum field is able to decay to a lower energy, effectively creating an expanding bubble of spacetime where the laws of physics are different to what we're used to, most likely tearing apart atoms. It's pretty much the closest thing to a universal weapon in real life physics we have.

This is also quite similar to Davros's reality bomb.

Now that I think about it, the effects on molecular structure also kinda remind me of the effect of the Eye of Harmony being left open in the TV Movie. Maybe something similar connects the flux to the TARDIS's ill health?

The idea of the laws of physics changing also, again, kinda ties back to the early Time Lords?

It seems either to be intelligent, given how it seems to have very specific targets, however, rather than being an expanding sphere. Alternatively, there's something attracting it to its targets, including the TARDIS. Maybe something to do with importance to the Web of Time? Or Artron energy?

Small detail I found amusing: when the Doctor takes evasive action we see the Flux destroy a blue gas giant, not resembling any in our Solar system, despite just having been on the edge of it. Was that the real life hypothetical 'planet nine', or another one of the extraneous planets (think Vulcan, Marinus, Mondas, Planet Five etc.) from Doctor Who lore sometimes said to be in the Solar System?

Alternatively, maybe the evasive action briefly took the TARDIS to Alpha Centauri?