#but maybe it's less projection and more reflection)

[bravevolunteer]

ngl every time i see the "cis" in michael's bio it feels. Wrong. like i see it and i go "i'm probably gonna non conform his gender one of these days"

[undercoverxs]

[non-un-topo]

I have roughly 9 assignments due in the next 4 weeks, why am I not losing my mind?

[fcthots]

I have school in less than 2 hours, and I haven't slept in 3 days, but I'd like, nay *need* Jason.

Please write smut about him, any smut make Jason call us 'pretty girl' and let him sat 'You're doing so good, so good'. Make him be a bit feral for his girl, maybe for her saying Jaybear casually or lean into him while sleeping. Just want Jason being an absolute simp, crazy person, just insane for his partner.

Clawing at my walls rn

Like I want him more than I want academic validation, more than I want One Direction back together, more than I want anything.

You're so amazing!

I mean when I say that your posts make my day. You're so talented, and I wanted to thank you for all the work you put in here.

-🪅

you can’t just say these things to me and expect me not to blush

You knew it was a mistake when Jason did a “renovation project” in one of his backup safe houses. You knew he was up to something, but that stupid, but adorable, smile caught you in its trap. He said he “just wanted you to take a look at [his] safe house” and “just make sure you like the renovations!” Liar. Pretty liar though.

His “renovations” consisted of two things: new sheets and a mirrored ceiling. You were doomed the moment you walked in the door. You’re not exactly sure how you ended up this way, but his tongue is making you see stars and your clothes are… somewhere else. You can’t recall.

He isn’t letting you go any time soon. After the fourth time he’s edged you, in fact, he says he’s “just getting started.” Now, your head is a pile of mush. Your face is flushed, your hair is splayed out, and your eyes are fucked out as you watch your reflection in the mirror. When you look down at his face, his eyes are already boring into yours. It sends a shiver down your spine and a spark of pleasure down to where Jason’s mouth connects with you that leaves you oh so close.

But he pulls away again and leaves you whining. He clicks his tongue. “Aw, pretty girl. Look at you. You’re doing so good for me, so good.” You let out another whine, begging for release. “You wanna cum pretty thing? I know you do. One more, ok? One more. I’m sorry, baby. You just look so pretty like this. That’s why we had to get the mirrors, sweetheart. You need to see the way you look when you’re like this, so you know why it drives me insane. But I can’t resist giving you what you want. One more and I’ll let you cum on my tongue.”

He kisses his way back down between your thighs and stays true to his word.

[11cupids-tarot11]

What's going on right now? Need Clarity? A message from Spirit!

1-3

Choose a selfie! ☆

︻デ═一・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Want to book a private reading?

Socials

Cupid's Master-List

Tips are appreciated!

Cash app tag: $minnieplant3

Pay pal@: janellec03

I 🫶🏾 y'all!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pile 1- 9 of Pentacles, 9 of Wands, Princess of Pentacles, 3 of Cups, 8 of Cups, 9 of Swords, The Hermit, Ace of Cups, King of Cups, Ace of Wands, 2 of Cups, extra card- Prince of Pentacles.

Bottom of the deck- The Lovers

Hi my pile 1!

Today I feel like Spirit really wants to talk about you and your work. I heard something about planting roots, could be a literal 9-5 job we're talking about or even a relationship for some of you (I'm picking up on a masculine here), but I'm feeling like it might not be the way you want to to be right now, you're not seeing the results of all of your hard work but the Nine of Pentacles talks about having to climb that last mountain before you can reach the top and rest. This energy here is expressing though we may be so tired and want to give up it's very important you look back and see how far you've come in any given situation, how much you've progressed with maybe in a job, or something that really matters to you like finishing a book or even how much progress you've made in a relationship as well. (My phone buzzed as confirmation, I feel like there's a little bit about love in this reading which is crazy because I'm trying so hard to be diverse and not talk about romance so much but other forms of love too lol). Overall I'm getting don't give up, I know it's a struggle but sometimes it's good to sit back, reflect and remember our "Why". We just need that extra push of motivation, whatever motivates you, even if it's taking a small break before you decide to get back at it again, anything but quit! An example I could use is when I'm working on my Digital Art for a good hour and decide I still don't like how my drawing looks, I get tired but deep down want to finish it soo bad, so instead of giving up I take a break, let my fingers breathe and get a snack before going back at it again, sometimes it's okay to not break your back trying to finish projects no one's perfect.

So I feel like Spirit also wants to warn us of becoming too materialistic, it's clear this message is for someone who's worked hard to get to where they are now, but I feel like you haven't had the time to celebrate that because you're too focused on moving on to the next thing so quickly, we should appreciate and honor and celebrate all that we've done for ourselves even if you haven't reached the highest goal you've set, go out and celebrate with people you love! You deserve it!

So I feel energy like someone putting so much on themselves, I feel like you make yourself your main concern? If that makes sense? Like someone who gets frustrated at themselves because they quit something, someone here overworks their mind way too much, to a dangerous point. You're pushing your body to work so much because of a certain goal and I see here you see yourself as the problem. You are the very thing that crafts your reality but you can also break it as well. You know that saying less is more? I just heard it in my head, like if you stopped focusing so hard on this and live a little you might manifest it better not obsessing over it so much.

I'm picking up on two different messages, one is for someone who hardly has fun, I think the main message for you to overcome some things is to reach out more to people you love, spend more quality time with them! Have fun, go out and just go for a walk or sit in the park! Do something that doesn't feel like a job, you know? For others, I'm getting you might be more introverted, Spirit is encouraging you to branch out more, maybe work is something that you've just always known and been comfortable, but Spirit is encouraging you to go make some friends, step out of your comfort zone a little! Sometimes someone's companionship is all you need and you would've even realize it because if you're like me and hardly care for socializing it's something you can definitely live without, can't miss something you've never had right? Lol.

I feel some anxiety, negative thoughts and bad coping methods that are no longer serving you, but I feel like this anxiety is just coming from being scared, scared of the unknown especially. This energy doesn't serve you, focus on healing this and pushing this energy out of our consciousness, don't expect it, normalize it or embrace it.

I think as time goes on you could slip into a state of wanting to be alone a lot, I think this is a warning if you continue on you'll always be stuck in that energy. I think the hermit also reminds us to consider ourselves better, present and future, encourages to get to know yourself as well, take time to really understand and appreciate yourself.

I think you're a kind person, I'm seeing here you're represented by the Ace of Cups as well as how you see yourself, which means there is self love there, even if you don't see it or feel it's not impossible! Take it day by day, step by step, whatever that looks like for you! You have lots of joy and sunshine 🌞 maybe you're someone who likes to keep a positive appearance and rarely ever show your real emotions especially if they're negative.

I keep picking up on small messages of someone waiting for a specific love interest or maybe just waiting for your love life to get juicy in general.

I feel like someone's hoping for a connection, there's lots of masculine energy here. This is a special message so if you've been hoping for a specific person Spirit knows! I can't get much but maybe that's because it's not supposed to be a love reading, but I did get that message, Spirit hears you. Maybe this masculine is also a person some of you know, like they're in your life already and they have a heavy impact on you. I'm seeing for some of you it doesn't have to be romantic, could be a father figure for those of you wishing to get closer with your father's!

In conclusion, I don't want to say you'll never find a solution to your problems, but I will say life will always be throwing tough situations at us, at any given time, I think the highlighted message here would be that our mindset is the key here, you can't change your situation maybe but you can decide how you handle them. A strong mindset is always important, a clear and positive one. It's not an answer, no, but it's more like encouragement. I feel like Spirit wants to remind you as long as you have you, you'll never really be stuck or lost, you have the power to see the greater good of any situation or the power to visualize and manifest a life or outcome of a situation you want!

Hope you like this reading! Love you! <3

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 2- The Hermit, Judgment, Eight of Pentacles, Four of Cups, The Tower, The Star, Three of Swords, Nine of Cups, Nine of Wands, The hanged man and The World.

Back of deck: Queen of Cups

So the Hermit is once the fool, right? I feel this card is drawn today to point out that you need to focus on something with yourself. You're being pushed to learn more about yourself maybe, I'm getting this card also signifies someone who mostly spends their time alone, this could be because you're being drawn to focus more on yourself and this could also serve as a warning for some that you could be surrounding yourself with too many energies. Either way this card does signify a change does need to happen. A path needs to be taken. Something needs to be done, let's see what it is!

So currently it's healing, I'm seeing it's something heavy on your mind and heart. Well, with the Justice I hear that you have the option to heal right now, you maybe have been wondering what does healing really mean? and I'm hearing that the Angels Gabriel maybe are present with this card and that the path to healing is about to basically open up for you to take. I want to go into great detail about what I mean but can't find the best words, my book describes it like 'an opportunity to scrape off any remaining bits of mud clinging to your boots'.

I feel like someone here is very focused on healing for the greater good, you have a desire, strong will and determined just to do better for you and with the Eight of Pentacles it serves as kind of a confirmation that your guides do see and hear your efforts. Some of us could even be manifesting greater things, better days and your guides definitely do hear you! Makes me feel like they're hinting that your wish will be granted soon, the judgment card does often hint at justice! ;)

I know it might be confusing or some of you are probably like "what?" But I'm hearing that you'll just get random downloads and be like "oh yeah, duh! I should totally try doing that." A specific message for a few of you lol.

So the four of cups makes me feel like your guides are just pointing out more the need to kind of take a break away from everything and everyone. Maybe you're around people who don't have your best intentions or don't really serve you or your healing journey and spirit warns to watch who we keep around, it might be time to cut some people off. Some of you might be getting invited out, it's okay to reject them and let them down easy, take time for you, it's okay to not be bothered and be in the comfort of just yourself! <33

Right now I feel like you're carrying a lot of tension, anxiety and there's a call to release all of that, a change, I feel like being around people might be causing this anxiety because this is supposed to represent your external energy and you got the tower card, but so far all I'm getting is isolation is good for you, which is making me think there might just be a specific person causing this anxiety, if they make you feel bad they're not worth having around, i had to learn that the hard way whoever needs to hear this 😭 🩷

So we're letting go of burdens, anything that's holding us back, we're getting into really good energy! I love this pile honestly lol. You got the hope card! While all of this is happening, you're going to be passing through really heavy energy I bet, it might feel like you got hit by a bus even but your guides want you to remain hopeful! Try to stay as optimistic and positive as you can be, showing gratitude can also help right now! But good job! You're looking at every corner of your shadow self, you're doing a really good job too!

Okay, see! The three of swords is heavy energy but it does signify ✨ NEW 😍 and BETTER 😩 things for us! If you keep going this road, you're going to find something that really brings you contentment and life will feel good again for you! You're getting justice baby!!! I'M TRYING TO GET YOU HYPED BECAUSE YOUR GUIDES ARE PROMISING EVERYTHING YOU'VE WISHED FOR!! 😍😍 Lol whatever that might look like for you, like lately I've really been wishing for a new apartment, so when spirit says my wishes are about to be granted I'd get real excited because that means I'm gonna find a way to get that new apartment soon! Lol.

So right now I feel like you know you're able to manifest these good things all on your own. I feel like a few of you are like me and it maybe took you this long journey to get where you are now, maybe mentally or also in a physical matter, either way you look back and see how far you've come, you still want so much more and maybe you kinda pick on yourself when you realize that but your working on being content and grateful and moving forward now that you really understand how to now!

So I'm hearing that you might have some fears about never seeing progress, or maybe you're grinding very hard I'm talking day and night and you haven't seen the results you want, but you'll get there! I'm hearing the only way you don't is if you give up on yourself. As long as you have the consistency, motivation and power to keep showing up you will definitely see the results you want!

You got the world card as your outcome! This is a possible outcome, the world represents completion usually all things of a happy ending basically! Which means this is how your outcome will be! You do big work and receive big rewards from the universe! You're going to be sooo happy, you're on your way to your biggest achievement yet I feel! Congratulations! 🤭😍

I also heard a message about someone needing to further develop their spiritual growth!!

Hope you enjoyed!! 🩷 Love you sweetie piez

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 3- Eight of Cups, Temperance, Three of Cups, Seven of Cups, Princess of Wands, Ace of Cups, King of Swords, The Emperor, Princess of Cups, Ace of Swords, Two of Cups.

Hii! ☺️ So there's a message for you in pile 2! Specific for some of you, maybe if you felt drawn to more than one pile I highly recommend checking it out because I could not stop channeling that!

Let's get into your reading now!

So you're currently in an era of change right now, moving away from toxic energies, environments, mindsets and/or situations, I'm hearing it's because you're embarking on something new and you want to have a fresh clean state basically. Good for you! I totally resonate with that, it's a very good example of bringing home a new puppy even though you already have a dog, you still buy the new dog it's own toys and personal items because you can't just take the old dog's things and give it away, you have to start all over again and buy fresh items, you know? Weird example but this is the best I could explain it 🤣 I don't even have a dog so bare with me lol.

So I see that you're currently questioning how to go about this, and I get the feel that the Temperance card is telling us that we have that answer within. I think Spirit really wants to remind you to listen to your inner child as well, not only that but all parts because it's very important, even our shadow selves. So I feel like that's something you're going to be going through, mental clarity. This energy is a lot like pile 2! There's an overlapping message! Pretty soon you'll be gaining insight, like you'll be receiving downloads and messages from your team and everything will just "click" for you, yk? 😭 Lots of magical energy in all of the piles today it's crazy. I think you're also going to be learning how to balance yourself out, you're going to Intuitively just know because you've done the work searching every part of yourself!

So I see some tension and desire around three of cups, maybe someone here could be wishing for healthier connections, maybe there's some fear of being alone even and it's triggering some healing to be done around that area.

So like I said earlier, you're going to be receiving some intuitive messages that will bring you lots of clarity which is confirmation with the Seven of Cups, it'll just come to you, you might receive an important dream soon! So just keep on keeping on lmao basically stay true to your goals and keep forward on your path!

Okay okay I see you working on moving into your Princess of Wands energy! So the Princess part is like someone who's still learning, so you're going to be in an energy that you're in control of! I feel like you're already represented by the Princess of Wands energy and you're just working on being Queen now! You're going to learn how to utilize your personal energy, creativity and sexual power. Okay so you're going to need this new energy for the path you're going down, you're going to shine through it, literally you're a star whoever you are lmao other people see your energy too, you're someone people look up to! You're embarking on a new journey, I feel like I keep repeating myself a lot but even in my tarot book it says the exact same thing in the card description as the messages I'm channeling from Spirit 🤣 I've gotta start a YouTube so I can show you guys more! Or would you guys prefer if I just included pictures? I don't for aesthetic purposes but let me know guys!

Anyways, back to YOU lol,

So I see you wishing for lots of abundance like love maybe, doesn't have to be very deep and serious like marriage but I feel like a few of you want a baby and someone that loves you and it's a dream of yours, but you're probably putting that dream to the side right now to work on yourself which is good! That way when you are ready to receive you'll know exactly what to do with your gifts, treat them nicely lol! I do see a promising future for you where you receive all of that plus the self love from yourself which will already come first before anything, I think it's really beautiful energy I really like this pile 😭 I love you whoever you are, you feel so sweet!

OOO I see a King of Swords in someone's future? I feel like this is a romantic for a few of you because you also have the Two of Cups as your ending card which represents union to me. My book describes this person as fascinating, and talkative, they'll be very good at providing you emotionally and physically wise! I feel like after all of this work you're finally getting the connection with someone you've been waiting for!

Gender doesn't matter here, but you might see yourself as the Emperor, even if you struggle to, the outside world does too! You're a born leader, you're strong and intelligent enough to LEAD the team! People respect you I feel like, you're very hardworking, you like to set goals, some people might call you a nerd lol 🤓. I feel like in school you were the one who took control in group projects, you're very outspoken and an outgoing person, people love to be around you!

You might not have had many relationships, I'm hearing you might be kind of scared of love and have some hope and fears around it, you'll be discovering your own love language I hear ☺️ how precious omg.

So someone around you with the Ace of Swords suggests that someone you've already had your eye on someone for a while, a few of you might even be in the talking stages still! Either way you might already know who you're coming into union with 🤣 Crazy! For others of you, you will be meeting this person soon! A complete stranger you'll just bump into within divine timing on the weirdest day of your life!

So the Two of Cups is your outcome! With the two of cups it means you'll get the perfect person you've been waiting for! Which is what you've been wishing for, right? (Me too😭) I'm seeing that picturing your perfect person will help manifest them! Some of you could be dating after heartbreak as well I'm picking up on, for those of you who are single you'll be glowing! People will notice and compliment you a lot more. You're just ready to receive while being in your Queen energy! Real hot girl shit 😍 lol I love that omg.

Lots of water energy, someone could be a water sign, Pisces, Scorpio or Cancer or have those placements heavily in ur chart. Someone here could like the color blue or purple or those colors might be significant for you. The number 4 might also be significant. Someone could wear red a lot.

I hope you enjoyed this reading! Love youuu!!!

[liliannadelaphinehartifelt]

Helloo!

Idk if you take requests , but could you maybe write a fic with Human!Alastor and male!reader where reader exaggerates his whole personality to comply with everyone else and is easily exhausted from it and Alastor "relaxses" reader in that way ?

Thank you in advance and have a good day !

Alastor - [ MASQUERADE ]

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A/N: This request really made me brainstorm but I've decided to break it into 2 parts. I hope you'll enjoy it! As always kindly lmk the artist of the fanart so I can tag them and give proper credit! ❤️

WARNINGS: [ SLIGHT NSFW ] + [ MDNI ] + [ SUGGESTIVE THEMES ] + [ MALE READER ] + [ FLUFF…if you squint ]

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“You're on air in ten minutes, Y/n. Pick it up before the host gets restless!”

Your so-called manager barked from the dressing room doorway, giving one last glare your way before strutting off, grumbling a string of curses you'd learned to ignore.

“Asshole…” you scoffed, turning back to the striped mirror of your vanity; the large bulbs that lit it gave enough light in the old stuffy backstage space, illuminating every detail of your appearance.

Not one thing could be out of place.

You wouldn't allow it, committed to your role as a rising preformer in the golden age of the stage, and conditioned to perfectionist standards from years of tribulations

Suffering behind a practiced smile won you your stardom. The ambiguous beauty you possessed helped immensely in your success on the silver screen, but the truest contributor to your fame was appeal.

Humourous, intellectual, but most crucial, sex appeal.

That's what kept your admires enthralled, permanently put you in the limelight from the start, and inevitably earned you considerable amounts of money.

You weren't opposed to being called a child of Dionysus himself, envied by those who wanted you. Still, the burden of putting on a show for everyone every day without giving them a glimpse of your faults was excruciating.

Yet, you chose the burden over sulking in the darkness, remaining among the ordinary when you so clearly had the makings of a star, and your status of high popularity among the masses was proof of it.

So be it if your cheeks ached from smiling at frivolous fans that your laugh sounded less like your own the more you forced it, that flirtations of others felt like empty praises, or that every project you agreed to felt less and less stimulating.

So fucking be it.

Fame is fickle; you knew this all too well, but your existence felt meaningless without it.

Empty.

All the world's riches, the undivided favor you garnered from the public, and the sparkling awards cluttered your penthouse display shelves…

Even with all that at your fingertips, you had yet to feel seen…

Seen and truly adored.

“Two fucking minutes! Get your ass in position. This interview is being broadcast live, remember?” your manager harped at you from the hall, causing you to grunt in frustration before yelling back, “Would you shut your trap?! Fucking hell…I'm coming!”

You set aside the whiskey glass in your left hand, ran your right through your recently styled hair, and checked your reflection one last time.

“It's only a radio show. One little interview and you can go home and get black-out drunk…” the idea of spending some much-deserved time alone after running around doing a press tour brought a sad smile to your face as you stood and exited the dim room.

This would be your last stop, an interview with Louisiana’s prided radio host, and the last person you'd need to put a show on for before returning home.

“Finally…” your manager grumbled as you stepped into the hall, giving you a once over as the two of you strolled down the hall towards the host recording area, “Don't fuck this up. People say this ones a real talker and can make or break ya..” he mumbled begrudgingly.

You paid his incessant pestering no mind, flashing him a suave smile as you both stopped before a heavy door, “Don't tell me you're starting to care about my reputation now? Thought you only saw me as a nice money grab…”

Your smile grew as laughter bubled in your chest, seeing the other slowly become agitated at your backhanded comments.

“Why, you little-”

“Oh, don't be rude, sir. You'll spoil my good mood, and god knows sour spirits bring bad luck,” you smirked, enjoying the scrunch of his nose as his expression reflected his true nature, but before he could snap, you pushed the door open and slipped into the soundproofed station room.

What a fucking pain he is…

You cursed the raging man outside, sighing softly as the sound of jazz lingered through the air and the smell of freshly brewed coffee mixed with a distinct cologne engulfed you.

The space felt and looked inviting, relaxing even, but what caught your attention was the man who occupied it.

He sat in a desk chair across the small room, facing a table full of controls and a mic to match. His face was lowered from the device, glasses resting comfortably on the bridge of his nose as he stared at what you assumed was a script for your conversation with him, but the simmering amazement overtook your curiosity about the paper he held you felt hearing him hum along to the song he was airing.

You didn't dare move an inch closer, satisfied with watching and listening to him from afar, oddly entrapped by the silent allure he cast.

It was no mystery that people loved the sound of his voice. You'd be fooling yourself if you said you hadn't found his commentary enchanting, but looking at him in the flesh, you were sure he'd flourish on the silver screen like no other.

He could indeed win the eyes of many…

Yours especially, and to some degree, he had already, but you hesitated to admit it even as he turned to face you.

Oh…. he is a beauty, that's for sure…

That was the singular thought in your mind as he smiled, standing from his seat before approaching you with all the confidence you'd merely portrayed.

“Hello there. You must be Y/n L/n. I'm Alastor Hartifelt. It's a pleasure to meet you, my friend!”

His voice was as smooth, melting into the background melodies inexplicably, and your heart lightened immensely as he held out a hand for you to shake.

“The..the pleasure is all mine, Mr. Hartifelt..” you inwardly scolded your delayed greeting, losing track of your practiced charm relatively quickly in his grasp. Still, in seconds, you recovered from the blunder while returning his smile.

Alastor took you in with a glance up and down your figure, cataloging every detail of your appearance out of habit, but when his gaze met yours, one thought crossed his perceptive mind.

Longing?

How curious…

You hid the familiar emotion well; seeing past the veil of contentment wasn't tricky, and though he was tempted to bring it forth.

You two shook hands briefly but firmly. Alastor stepped back, gliding his hand out to mention towards the recording station. “Come, have a seat, and please call me Alastor. We will be on air after all; formalities aren't necessary for an engaging broadcast.” His smile grew, emitting an unearthly kindness as you nodded in understanding before sitting in the chair opposite his.

“You make an excellent point, Alastor. I hope we enjoy each other's company.” You chuckle softly, feeling a tad nervous for a reason unknown but genuinely harboring a rise in excitement, hearing him respond promptly.

“I have no doubt we will…” Alastor muses more to himself, a delicate edge to his voice as he trailed behind you, and a certain twinge of intrigue rattled your spine at the implication.

For the first time in a long time, you weren't dreading the inclinations of your fame, gradually succumbing to the sparks of joy Alastor evoked with the most straightforward words and becoming surer of the fact as he took his seat next to you.

“Shall we begin?” he implies cheekily, and you reply in a quick, witty fashion, “We shall.”

————-

“Care for a drink, my friend? I believe we’ve earned ourselves a cold glass of whiskey… that is, If your evening is unreserved.” Alastor made the offer moments after switching your respective microphones off, quickly arranging the recording panel to a specific setting as he listened for your response.

Your mouth moved quicker than your mind; a distinct rush overtook at the thought of spending more time with the charismatic radio host, “I'd be delighted to join you. I must agree that our interview went quite well. It's rare to have an easy conversation with a stranger these days..”

Alastor raised a brow, sparing you a glance as he finished sliding keys and flicking switches into place to keep a calming stream of music lingering in his broadcast, “So, I'm still a stranger to you?… My, and I thought we were getting on so well…“

He spurs you casually, an air of hurt in his expression, and it stuns you, causing a red hue to rise on your cheeks, “Th-that's not at all what I meant, Alastor…” Your lower head twinges of embarrassment staining your consciousness, and for the third time that evening, Alastor had chipped away at your charm.

He enjoyed it….

Seeing you falter and conform to his standards, though you didn't need to, at any time, you could've remained indifferent to him and taken your leave the moment he shut your mic off, but you remained.

Solely because you'd grown attached to him or the defect he had on you.

Humbling, genuine understanding, but above all else, validation.

“My dear, I am only poking fun. I take no offense to your words, and I hope you'll grant me the same courtesy!” Alastor reached for you, thumb and forefinger slipping under your chin to lift it, and you obeyed his gesture with a soft smile. “Oh…I…”

You paused, swallowing thickly as he raised himself from the chair, head lowered toward yours as he stood above you.

Had he always been so tall?

So brooding?

You weren't entirely sure, but your heart raced, every nerve in your body tingled with anticipation as if you were a deer caught in his headlights, but you couldn't retreat or evade him.

“You what?..” Alastor cooed quietly, chocolate eyes on fire with an emotion you'd long forgotten but returned subconsciously.

Control.

You needed to be back in control, or the next breath between you two might lead to something…

Your mind played scenario after scenario, beginning to short circuit as he peered down at you, lips only inches from yours, and his other hand reaching to caress your cheek. His touch is searing, warmer than those you'd felt before, intentional, and your entire being buzzed in his grasp as if in a drunken stupor.

He was dangerous… able to tear through your facade easily, which was terrifying.

Polarizing.

Don't let him get any closer…

Keep him at a distance…

You've only just met him...

Warnings rang in your head, but your eyes lowered to his lips, and your voice remained quiet as you responded to his question.

“I" 'd like to have that drink before the night ends. Wouldn't you?"With a gentle nudge of your head and a soft laugh, you draw away from Alastor's touch. The space between you increases, and the ability to breathe becomes less strenuous as you stand to your feet, collecting your overcoat before slipping it on, "I'm not familiar with the city yet, so I'll leave it to you to show me around." The chipper in your tone amuses Alastor; you'd perfected the art of illusion so well that in the clutches of what some might consider an intimate moment, you balked and reclaimed sensibility like it never occurred, though you wished for it to carry on further.

He'd met and spoken to his fair share of actors, learned their ticks and telling habits, and used it against them when he saw benefit in toying with them.

However, being able to see right through you evoked another motive for the host, and he dared to think it was mutual.

"Well, I'd be honored to show you the ins and outs of this lively town I call home so long as you promise to keep up," Alastor retrieves his coat, a heavy jet black trench withered accents paired with matching hat, stylish in all the right ways -presumably warm to be in. Still, you were sure if he ventured into the night dressed like that, any stranger would fear him.

They had good reason to, but you didn't need to know why.

Not yet…

With a coy smile, you followed Alastor out of the station, matching his strides as he paved the way to a nearby speakeasy, "You'll find it quite entertaining, my friend. Few visit at this hour, but my dear Mimzy puts on a vine show regardless!" Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of Alastor being infatuated with another, for what reason you weren't sure, but your disappointment flashed clear in your eyes that he took it upon himself to clarify his remark.

"She is an old and loyal acquaintance. Nothing more. Nothing less."

You perked up at the explanation, face burning with a blush as you raised both hands to dissuade his interpretation of your expression, "I understand. You needn't explain anything to me-"

Alastor halted in his tracks, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he peered at you curiously, "Hm, so you did assume we were something to begin with?..."

Shit, was I that obvious?...

"Not at all..." you lie, as calm as ever but internally conflicted.

How could he go about messing with you so boldly?..

And why did it excite you?..

"Your eyes say otherwise, my friend..." he counters your nervous reply with a smug smirk, beginning to walk off as if he wasn't toying with your head, "My eyes?..." you whisper in response.

"They are the doorway to the soul...I've learned to walk through said doors, and you, my dear, hide a lot of fears behind them." Alastor chuckles, ears tingling as you reclaim your spot at his upon reaching your destination. Still, you're less concerned with the dark alley lit with a singular neon sign situated above a heavy lead door and more worried about what he is implying regarding your emotions.

Who was he to know anything?

Sure, he was pleasant to be around, an avid intellectual with a knack for continuing conversation with you, and you had no reason to believe he'd been faking his friendliness to you from the start...

That still gave him no right analyzing you, prod at your exterior with more confidence than necessary, and you intended to let him know it.

A glare beset your expression, mouth open to speak, but you weren't allowed to do so as the lead door swung open.

Alastor guided you close to his side as a gaggle of patrons spilled from the doorway, ranting and raving about the time they had inside. Their rowdy behavior irked him, but you did not comment on the matter as he placed a hand on your back to lead you inside after their dysfunctional departure.

“Drunken idiots,” he mumbled begrudgingly, and for the first time you'd seen the radio host truly bothered. He'd been so composed during your interview, inviting and flirtatious on and off the air, so getting a glimpse of his annoyed state felt like a treat.

At least you knew he had flaws, insignificant but telling ones.

“Um. Alastor, you can..” you paused, unsure if you wanted to let him know he was still holding onto your waist as he led you inside the dim speakeasy. Alastor hummed, irritation gone, and his coy smile widening as you shuffled alongside him. “Y-you can let me go now.”

“Oh, nonsense, my dear! I wouldn't want you to run into unsavory characters like the ones that just passed..”

He quickly navigated the lingering crowd, clearly familiar with the club's layout, and you marbled at its unique atmosphere as he led you through it. “I can handle myself, Alastor,” you tried again to reason, but Alastor was quick to give a response as he ushered you to sit at an unoccupied lounge chair complete with a table and lamp.

“I'm sure you can but I'm rather fond of keeping you close.” He sat next to you after setting his coat and hat aside.

What did he mean by that?..

“How selfish of you,” you feigned disappointment as he shifted to face you with a soft chuckle leaving his lips, “Would you be so kind as to forgive my greed for your attention?” Alastor stares you down, noting how you bite your lip, another nervous tick you'd yet to disregard in his presence. “I'll consider it if you buy me a drink or two..”

The suggestion was meant to sound confident, unmothered by the mounting pressure in your chest, but it came out breathless. You were sure that you'd mastered the art of indiffenece, permanently established a mask of charm, but as much as you wished to maintain the certainty…

Alastair disproved it with little more than a gesture or equally compelling word.

It was unsettling, intoxicating too, but undeniably riveting.

“A small price to pay,” he mumbled, eyes lowering to your lips as you laughed softly and leaned back to admire the other patrons roaming or dancing around. “I never said I was cheap..” you taste him, gaze drifting to him as he shifted closer. You wanted to jump out of your skin as his arm came to rest behind you, head lulling to ward your cheek as he breathed into your ear. The resulting warmth made you shiver, quickening your breaths, and your body tingled with intrigue.

“No…” Alastor affirmed your jest, free hand raising your chin, tilting your head to face him as he continued, “…but you are desperate to be loved. One might say that's just as inappropriate, mon Cher..”

His tone dripped with condensation, a sensual purr loud enough to drown out the jazz and chatter surrounding you, and for a moment, he was all you could comprehend.

You should've felt angry, unsettled even, but his words struck a more profound emotion.

Comfort.

You weren't crazy, a constant wonder for the masses to marvel at and never care about.

Alastor could see you.

He wanted to…

“And so what if I am? Why would it concern you?..” there was no harsh undertone to your question, and it earned a sultry hum of amusement from him. “You've interested me, so I must not ignore your charade. I'm partial to the truth of a person, and you, my dear, abandon it in the hopes of success..”

Spot on.

It is shamelessly hurtful but direct nonetheless.

You clicked your tongue dismissively, attempting to turn your head away from his grasp, but Alastor held you tighter.

A glare crossed your face at the brushing grip he established, but a pool of excitement rushed to your crotch as well.

“I'm not one of your scripts to read, Alastor..” you scoff, rolling your eyes to make your point clear, but he isn't affected by the arrogant gesture.

“My apologies if it seems that way, but my intention to know you, inside and out, is purely innocent...”

“I find that hard to believe…” you retort, very aware of the minimal space between you two, and it became harder to focus on anything else but his soft lips that were stretched thin into a smile.

God, I was doomed from the beginning… you think to yourself as you laugh at your shameless line of sight. “Believe what you wish, my friend, but I enjoy being the object of affection..”

“That's inappropriate to suggest,” you mutter, face burning with blush and your hands raising to grip his wrist and collar. Alastor hummed, amused by your denial, “Mm, I suppose it is…would you like another apology?”

You shake your head, tugging him in by the collar of his shirt, eyes lifting to his, full of determination, “A kiss will do just fine…”

He holds your gaze, checking for mockery, but there is none. “That's the first honest thing you've said all night, mon cher,” Alastor points out in a hushed tone, lowering his head to place a slow kiss on your lips as they pull into a satisfied smile.

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx

I rewatched Heartstopper for this. Was it helpful? Yes. Did it make me cry harder than the first time I watched it? Also, yes. Will I forever love that show?… (yes). Again, this is just part 1! The second half is being drafted. Please look forward to it. I'm not sure it'll include smut…but I'll debate on that later.

[ BONUS CONTENT + ]

He's so cheekyyyy but I love him for it hehe like he’s just the right amount of ‘cocky asshole’ ya know? ❤️ credit to creator!

[sxcret-garden]

1st Desire ღ Testing Limits [M]

ღ Aspects of Desire series ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ words: ~5.9k ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, sub!reader, parts of a very awkward kink negotiation turning into a slightly less awkward kink negotiation asdjflka, choking (reader receiving), unprotected sex, thigh riding, fingering, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms) ღ warnings: (mention of him running his hand through reader’s hair)

Desc.: You and your boyfriend decide to take a step towards a new chapter in your relationship when a secret desire of yours finally slips through. What you didn’t know until now is that he’s more experienced than you thought he was, and that you’re not the only one who’s been dying to spice up your sex life.

Author's note: aaaa I'm really nervous about how this series is gonna do, now that I'm finally putting out the first chapter!! I've been working on it for quite a while and it's become a very important project to me, so I hope y'all enjoy reading as much I enjoy writing it <3

next chapter →

If someone asked you about the thing you appreciate the most about your boyfriend (at gunpoint, because there’s no way you could choose just one trait under normal circumstances), you’d say it’s his softness. A softness that’s apparent in his smile and in the way he treats people, yet only selected few get to see fully. You remember the first time you felt he was opening up to you a bit, granting you permission to see what’s going on inside, and how that was the moment you started falling in love with him. 

It’s the kindness in his words, behind the sound of his voice when he was reassuring you that he didn’t mind you calling him late at night and out of the blue because you needed someone to talk to, and he was the first person who came to mind. And the other way around, it’s the way he suddenly seemed very small as he crawled into his safe haven that has unmistakably become you when he went through a rough time. 

It’s how he talks to people in general, treating everyone with kindness first of all, because it’s among his core beliefs that everyone deserves to be faced with respect. And it’s the warmth that inevitably breaks through the cracks and to the outside when he smiles, laughs at some weird joke, or simply when he steps aside to make way for a complete stranger rushing past him in the crowd.

It’s how you feel when he holds you, wrapping his arms around you, the warmth of his body warming you up too, and you can finally let go of the tension you’ve been carrying within your bones all day. It’s the way he kisses you - you remember your first kiss that was merely lips brushing against each other in a feathery light touch, and the bright yet shy smile that took over his entire face right after, and you still recall how this too made you fall for him yet a little bit deeper. 

So why is it that you can’t but feel yourself bursting with excitement when he isn’t being soft at all?

It started quite early, in the blink of a moment and definitely not on purpose. You were out with some of his friends and some of your friends, and though most of them could sense there was something going on between the two of you, you weren’t official yet. And so it happened that one of his friends drunkenly, after visiting a bar not far from the place you had spent an entire afternoon together, tried to get close to you. It wasn’t to the point you would’ve felt uncomfortable - he started talking to you like one normally would when attempting to strike up a conversation, asking questions that made it clear he was interested in you. You didn’t find his way of chatting with you overbearing or anything, and you didn’t think much of it when he touched your arm seemingly mindlessly, but the second it striked you that just maybe this guy was glued to you a bit unusually much, Jongho stepped in. You can clearly recall the anger reflecting on his face, suddenly making an expression that didn’t show a single trace of the kindness you were used to. You don’t remember what exactly he said when he told the guy off, you barely even remember the shock apparent in your other friends’ hushed whispers as everyone seemed to agree that his reaction was a tad exaggerated. What you do recall was how it made your heart suddenly skip a beat. Back then you appointed this solely to your budding feelings for him and that you were crushing on him bad. However, with each time the memory came back to haunt you afterwards, it became more and more clear that there was something undeniably attractive about this side of him that is anything but soft. 

You also felt it when you were play fighting, like that time he momentarily raised his eyebrows at you almost mockingly, looking down at your smaller frame while holding an item just out of reach to mess with you as revenge, after you had managed to mildly piss him off. And even when that expression was wiped off his face mere seconds later as he handed you what you were desperately trying to reach with an apology accompanied by a sheepish smile, the pounding in your chest wouldn’t cease. 

And then there’s another situation where these complex desires you’re keeping hidden away mostly because you just don’t know how to bring them up to him keep taking over and clouding your mind, like a fire that’s only waiting to be ignited, in order to burn you up whole.

His lips brush against yours, parting from you after what can barely be considered a kiss. You feel his weight on top of you, he has your hands pinned against the bed to either side of your head, supporting himself like that as he rolls his hips into yours. Smooth and slow movements meant to satisfy you, but not for long, and yet the pleasure keeps building up in the pit of your stomach. 

“Fuck…” you mutter a curse, squeezing your eyes tightly shut in the race towards your high, and still you know he isn’t giving you everything yet. 

“You look so pretty like this.” The words slip past Jongho’s lips, and you sigh at the way they make you feel, only to take a glance at his face, seeing the desperate chase towards his high reflecting on his features as well. He lets go of one of your hands without changing the pace at which he thrusts into you, fingertips dancing down your arm until he reaches your jaw, loosely cupping your face. The touch sends an electric wave through your body, and you remember a distinct thought that keeps creeping into your mind time and time again these days. And now that he has brought his hand so close to where you’re aching to really have it, you can’t but put your own palm on top of it. If it hadn’t been for these coincidences, this, and the fact that just before he had pushed you down onto his bed to make love to you, this thought came to haunt you once again, you wouldn’t do what you’re about to do.

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, and without any signs of resistance, he lets you peel his hand off your cheek. However, when you place it on top of your throat instead, extending your neck almost instinctively when you feel his fingertips grazing your pulse, your boyfriend slows down, and eventually his movements come to a halt.

“Are you… are you sure about this?” As you hear him whisper those words, your first thought is that he must not like what you just did. But when you take a look at his face, and you see the way his eyes have undeniably darkened, his lips slightly parted as he tries to catch his breath, you feel like the complete opposite must be true.

“Yeah,” you mouth. “Been wanting to try this for so long…” Your confession causes yet another emotion to spark behind his gaze that’s suddenly so intent, and so much more intense than you’re used to. It takes him merely a moment to process your words, then he moves away from you with a muttered “wait”. Depriving you of both the touch against your throat that you’ve been longing for so much, and the sensation of him filling you up so perfectly leaves you feeling unexpectedly empty, but when he instead sits before you, taking you by the hands and pulling you towards him, you follow eagerly while something connects in your mind - he knows what he’s doing.

“Come here,” Jongho whispers, inviting you into his lap, his gaze finding your lips while he helps you move closer. “Ride me?” You can only nod once before he kisses you, allowing you to sink down on his length as he releases you and then reconnects your lips, and without hesitation you can feel him putting his hand around your nape again. He starts with bringing his palm up to your chest, moving it up unhurriedly, yet not letting you wait, and as soon as his thumb brushes across your throat, you break the kiss to throw your head back and you let out a soft moan. Your heart is racing like crazy from the simple motion alone, and he places his other hand onto your hip to guide you into a steady pace on top of him.

“You like that?” he asks, curiously, and yet you don’t miss the amused spark flaring up in his eyes when you glance at him.

“Yeah,” you reply honestly as your whole body heats up. It really does feel even better than you imagined it, like this one simple touch has engulfed you in flames, making you feel a kind of sensation you’ve never felt before. Your boyfriend moves his hand to the back of your head, entangling his fingers with the strands of your hair now, and you immediately furrow your brows in protest. It causes a smirk to appear on his lips, and the thumb of his hand resting on your hip finds its way to your clit, starting to give the sensitive bundle of nerves some attention.

“F-fuck…” you stutter, arms thrown around his shoulders and you let yourself fall forward in order to bury your face in the crook of his neck. Tutting at you, he brings his hand back to where you wanted it, pushing you away gently in order to be able to look at your face.

“Let me watch as you cum,” he mutters, his gaze taking in your features, and when you whimper in agreement he too lets out a breathy moan. Applying some more pressure to your clit, he never once takes his eyes off you as you’re racing towards your high - you can tell he’s enjoying this newfound power he has over you, and it’s getting him off too. 

Only a few more repetitions of your movements on top of him and your hips start to stutter, and when he moves his hand resting against your throat just a bit further up, blood rushes to your head at once. You know you won’t last much longer, and so you mewl,

“G-gonna cum…” A sigh of approval falls from his lips, before he answers with a strained “me too”, and then your high comes crashing down on you. You dig your nails into the skin on his shoulders as your body is shaken, and the convulsions around his cock buried inside of you have him letting out a broken groan, before you can feel him releasing deep in your cunt as well. 

As you gradually come down from your respective highs, you lie down side by side, and when your eyes meet for a moment you both know it’s about time you two had a conversation about this. However, for now it’s too late at night anyway, and with him nuzzling his nose into your temple and pulling you close, you decide that it could just as well wait until tomorrow. 

“So…” Your boyfriend joins his hands together in front of him, his right hand clasping his left fist, and the second you look at him, he looks away instinctively.

“Yeah…” you answer, knowing what he’s trying to say, but somehow it’s hard to break through the air of awkwardness that has settled around you the moment you both sat down in the living room area of his flat. With him having made himself comfortable on the sofa (and then subsequently tensed up as you entered his proximity), you decided to misuse the coffee table in front of it as a seating opportunity, for the sake of being able to sit across from him, figuring that might make the conversation easier.

It doesn’t. You both don’t know what to say, and this is by no means a one time thing. You recall other occasions where you both sat down to talk and then the beginning of the conversation was similarly difficult, just that usually it’s about a problem you have, hurt feelings, or anything else one of you felt needed to be talked out. And you know that usually one of you eventually breaks the ice - admittedly it’s him who gets the conversation going most of the time, a skill you very much value in your boyfriend - but this here is very different. Sure, sex has been brought up between you two before, you are actively having sex with each other after all, but somehow the feel of a talk about it has never seemed this serious.

“Is it… supposed to be this awkward?” This time it’s you who starts the first attempt at smoothing out the mental obstacles that are undoubtedly there. And it seems to be working, because as Jongho lets out a soft laugh at your remark, you can see some of the tension leaving his shoulders.

“Ah, no…” he says, but then he quickly adds, “I mean, it can be, I guess. The first time I had this conversation it started the same, so…” Ending on an implication, he monitors your reaction to his words closely for an entirely different reason. You know he broke up with his last girlfriend not too long before the two of you started getting closer, but he’s never talked about their sexual relationship with you before.

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows, now feeling genuinely curious. “What do you mean?” Your boyfriend straightens his back as he rolls back his shoulders, and with you watching how his gaze wanders from one point to the other on the wall behind you, he gathers his thoughts and becomes serious.

“You know… when you put my hand around your throat, I liked that. I mean,” he lets out a short laugh, “I think you figured as much.”

“I could tell, yeah,” you confirm, and when he looks at you to continue talking, you feel yourself gulping. His gaze seems more intense than usual, despite his otherwise softened features - or are you imagining things and it’s just your own nerves? You have no idea.

“I did this kind of stuff with my ex too,” he says. “Like… not just the choking, you know? We did other things too, dipped our toes into testing out what it would be like if I have more power over the situation,...”

“Like… BDSM stuff?” The question comes out more awkwardly than it should’ve, and you can clearly sense that you have no idea how to approach the topic in conversation. Then again, it’s just another thing people do - no need to be so uptight about it, right?

“Yeah.” He’s averting his gaze again, shyness creeping onto his face, and somehow you find the contrast between his words and the air around him endearing.

“Like… with whips and stuff?” you continue asking, because you’ve never thought about him in that context, but somehow you can see the association making sense.

“Ah, no, we didn’t go that far,” Jongho explains, waving his hands in front of himself to underline his statement. “We did other things, but… ultimately what we wanted out of that play didn’t align.”

“Oh,” you gasp, wondering whether that was part of the reason why they broke up, but you don’t pry for now.

“So… what I’m trying to say is… I’ve been thinking about how to bring this up to you. But I didn’t want to… make you feel uncomfortable. Since we’ve been keeping things very vanilla so far, you know?”

“You wouldn’t have-” you immediately try to refute, but you stop yourself. Really, you don’t know if you would’ve been intimidated by your boyfriend’s desires. It probably depends on what kind of stuff he wants to do to you. Expanding on the image you brought up earlier in your head, you realize you’re not sure if you’d be okay with whips after all. “Actually, what are the things you want to do?” You decide to pose a question instead, understanding that you shouldn’t give him any definite answers about this without being 100% sure about them yourself. And though you expect him to have a reply right away, he hesitates.

“Maybe… we should take this slow,” he says, voicing his thoughts out loud, and you can tell he really is afraid of scaring you off. So you reach out across the gap in between your knees, until your hands are resting on top of his.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “Let’s talk about it, and I tell you if I’m okay with the things you want.”

“Okay,” he agrees eventually, but then sinks into thought once again.

“What is it?” you chuckle as he doesn’t speak. “You’re taking this very seriously.” Your remark tears him out of his thoughts, and the complicated expression on his face tells you he isn’t entirely sure how to take your words. “I mean, isn’t it about fun most of all?” you add, and now he furrows his brows.

“It’s not that it’s not about fun, just… you need to be careful about these things. Even with what we did last time, if I put my hand around your throat the wrong way or apply too much pressure I can seriously hurt you. And I don’t want that.” Not just from the content of his speech, but also from the way he looks at you you can tell that there’s some very logical reasons behind his caution, and it causes you to think that maybe you’re not taking this seriously enough.

“You’re right, I think I get it now,” you answer, lowering your head apologetically.

“So maybe we should start with the things I’ve done before,” your partner continues. “That way we can test the waters, and I can make sure I know what I’m doing and can ensure your safety.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“So… are you okay with the kind of dynamic where I take on a more dominant role?” he follows up with a question, and you swallow thickly at all the associations popping up in your head. Even just the thought of you submitting to him has your temperature rising, and so you nod.

“Yes, I would like that.”

You talk about a few things, mostly kinks and practices he brings up, and as he’s taking his time discussing everything, repeatedly reminding you that if you’re unsure about something you can just say no and bring it up at a later point if you happen to get curious about it again, you’re beginning to develop an entirely new understanding of boundaries. It’s like everyone talks about them and their importance, yet it’s hard to figure out how to have a conversation about them, except for the “say no if you don’t want something” part. And even that’s tricky, because sometimes people simply don’t respect a no.

You feel like that’s not the case here at all, and so your conversation becomes yet another reason for why you feel you can trust him so much. And at the same time you come to understand that he too needs to be able to trust you, if you’re going to try getting more adventurous in the bedroom.

“Let’s use the color system, just in case,” he suggests. “Have you heard of it?”

“Like ‘green’ for ‘keep going’, ‘red’ for ‘stop’ and ‘yellow’ for…”

“For ‘slow down’ or… as a sign you’re getting close to your limits,” he finishes the sentence for you. “Even if we’re just going to try one thing at a time, I’d like to use that to check in with you, just in case.” You agree with his suggestion, and at the same time you notice how you’re much more comfortable than at the beginning of the conversation. No trace of awkwardness left. Instead, you feel yourself getting excited at all the new opportunities opening themselves up to you at once. You’ve been fantasizing about spicing up your sex life for a while now, and having finally made that first step towards it affects you in more ways than one.

“So…” you mutter as you lean in, your hands reaching for his and fitting into them very naturally. “Wanna get right to it?” You ask, your lips merely an inch away from his, but Jongho just laughs as he leans back.

“Y/N, isn’t it about time you leave for your evening class?” Immediately, a pout forms on your lips, and you’re more than unhappy about him bursting your bubble like that.

“It’s not a class, it’s just a meet-up for a project…” you refute, though you shouldn’t skip that either. Your boyfriend gives you an endearing look, his gums showing as he shoots you a smile and he extends his arm to run his fingers through your hair.

“Go to that meet-up, Y/N,” he says, and his expression changes ever so slightly as he adds, “And when you’re back, we can see if there’s a way I can reward you for your hard work.” You can undeniably feel the shift in energy from his last words, the way you suddenly feel like you’re smaller than him, like he’s been elevated to standing just a step above you. It’s not like you haven’t felt this air of dominance radiating off of him ever before, but after your conversation just now it has been put into an entirely new context, and it causes yet another spark of excitement to sear through you. And so all you can do is nod and get up to get ready for your meeting.

When the sun has long set and you get back home, your boyfriend is already awaiting you, as promised. To the question about whether you have eaten dinner yet, you answer no, and to your dismay he makes you wait for the thing you’re really craving just a bit longer.

“You should eat,” he says, hand brushing against your back as he notices you sitting down in front of some leftovers with a disappointed expression on your face that you just can’t hide, and he adds with an amused chuckle, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this impatient.” You say nothing, and when you continue sulking it just makes him laugh some more. You know he’s being caring - and definitely reasonable - when he makes you do your evening routine too after that, but deep inside you really do wonder how he can bear the wait that you’re very much already tired of. And then finally you’re moving towards the bedroom, and if you’re not mistaken you can finally see a hint of impatience in the way he watches you walk up to him.

You take a step forward, to where he’s sitting at the edge of the bed and you place your hands on his shoulders, fingers playing with the collar of his pajamas. His hands find purchase on your waist, pulling you in closer yet, until your shins hit the wooden bedframe, and then his palms wander south to your hips. 

“I’ve made you wait too long, hm?” he mutters. You say nothing, instead running your fingers through his hair, and your boyfriend briefly closes his eyes as he leans into your touch. You move towards him, bowing down in order to press a kiss onto his lips, and when your fingers begin fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, you reply with a chuckle,

“You did.” Watching you as you finish undoing the button-up shirt, he allows you to sit in his lap to straddle him once you’re done, and without hesitation you connect your lips to his. You can feel him sigh into your kiss as your fingertips come in contact with his stomach, and you move your palm all the way up in order to place it at the back of his neck. His tongue swiping across your bottom lip, you let him deepen the kiss, and when you play with the short strands at the back of his head he becomes just a little more passionate in how he kisses you. Effortlessly, he takes the lead from you, and when you finally part you’re more breathless than he is. One of his palms now placed at the small of your back, he pulls you closer yet, applying some pressure to make you roll your hips on top of him. 

“That’s right,” he mutters, your faces mere inches apart, and you let out a shaky breath at the friction of your clothed cunt rubbing against his leg. He brings his free hand up to cup your cheek, gaze dropping down to your lips, but contrary to your expectation, he doesn’t kiss you. “Keep going,” he encourages you, and so you fall into a steady rhythm, a wave of heat rushing to your core with every repetition of your movements. “Feels good?” he asks and you nod.

“Yeah…” His gaze burns like fire as he watches you closely, making sure he doesn’t miss a single change of expression on your face.

“So, what’s your color?”

“Green…” you respond without having to think about it much, feeling the pleasure slowly building up. “You could tell though, right?” you add.

“Yeah.” Jongho smiles at you, letting his hands travel to the hem of your shirt and pulling it up. You let go of his shoulders for a moment to let him peel it off you, before he flings it somewhere to the ground and you throw your arms around his neck again. “Just thought I could bring it up once,” he then adds, and you let him hear a soft chuckle. 

“You don’t have to be that careful,” you whisper. To be quite honest, you adore him for taking your safety so seriously, way more seriously than you think is necessary - because as for you there’s no way you’d feel uncomfortable about something as tame as this, but you appreciate his caution nonetheless.

A curse falls from your lips as you’re able to feel your orgasm gradually building up somewhere in the depths of your stomach, and when you feel him running his hands up your torso once more, a shiver runs down your spine. He’s letting his touch come close to your throat, but not quite far enough, and yet you lean your head back instinctively, to give him access. You don’t miss the amused huff he lets out at your reaction, and instead of his fingers, you can now feel his lips attached to your skin there. Supporting you with his palm against your back, he kisses his way up along your pulse, the sensation making you moan, and when he lets his teeth graze your skin just below your ear your head starts to spin. Your hips stutter at the sensations overwhelming you, and he’s quick to reach for your waist to hold you down, making you halt your movements. He scatters kisses along your jaw before calling your name to make you look at him, and when you do, he brushes his lips against yours. Deepening the kiss, he simultaneously slips his hand past the hem of your pants, and when he presses his fingertips against your folds through your soaked underwear, you can feel him grinning into the kiss.

“Already made a mess of yourself, hm?” You shudder at his words, and at the tone of his voice that’s somehow different from how he usually talks to you in this kind of situation. You’re used to him speaking softly as he quite literally makes love to you, but this is different. 

Everything about it is different, right from the moment he invited you to sit on his lap. So this is what he was talking about, what you were so curious about, and now that you’re getting a taste of this side of your boyfriend, the only thing you know is that you want more.

“Y-yeah,” you can only whimper an answer, and you suck in a sharp breath when he pushes aside your soiled panties in order to touch you directly. He watches again, the look in his eyes making you feel small and helpless - but not in a bad way. It’s like you want him to take control of you, to do with you whatever he pleases - you feel yourself submitting to him. 

A finger pushed inside your wet pussy has you moaning, a second finger makes you curse and fall forward, attempting to bury your face in the crook of his neck, but he clicks his tongue and pushes you back into an upright position with his palm against your chest. 

“I want to watch,” Jongho says, it’s almost a whisper, the energy behind his words is very different from the last time this exact scenario played out, and his words ring in your ears loudly, only serving to amplify the pleasure his touches send through your body. Bucking your hips into his hand to see whether he would allow you to move, you become aware of the bulge in his pants, and the urge to touch him overcomes you.

“Can I…?” You ask, looking down on him and then back into his face, and his answer is short and clear.

“No.” He curls his fingers that are buried in your cunt, pulling them out only to thrust them back in, and when he finds that perfect spot inside you, you arch your back into his touch, your nails digging into the fabric covering his shoulders.

“Right there… don’t stop…” you beg, eyes shut tightly, as he continues fingering you at an unhurried pace. You roll your hips into his hand, your sensitive bud grazing his palm for some friction with every movement, and you can now undeniably feel your high approaching at lightning speed. 

“Look at me, Y/N,” he says, and your name spoken in this tone you’ve never heard from him alone would’ve almost sent you over the edge. “You look so pretty when you cum. But…” The broken whine you let out when he removes his hand from your core as you shudder causes a hint of delight to tug at the corners of his mouth. “You’re gonna look even prettier when you cum with my hand around your throat.”

“Why…” is all you can whimper at his sudden action, not having fully registered the meaning of his last words yet. Then he pushes you off his lap and back onto your feet.

“Take your clothes off for me,” he orders, his tone softening, yet his sharp gaze won’t leave you. You do as told, and he as well rids himself of his pajamas, before he makes you lie down flat and comfortably in the middle of the bed. He wastes no time to get on top of you, scattering a trail of impatient kisses from your sternum up to your mouth. His lips feel rougher against yours now, his tongue quick to part them and to find yours as your hands fly to his back, nails digging into his bare skin. Up until now he’s usually taken his time with you, no surprising movements at all, and so you understandably gasp in surprise when now he unexpectedly breaks the kiss to sit up, reaching for your thighs and bringing them up. Throwing your legs over his shoulders, he leans in closer, and you mewl when he rolls his hips against yours once, his cock grazing your folds and clit.

“That feel okay?” he asks, and you nod immediately, clenching around thin air as you feel yourself growing more and more impatient. 

“I’m okay,” you reply, desperately. “More than okay.” His hands resting on the underside of your thighs as he presses them into the sheets to your sides, he pushes up into you, making you cry out from the force behind his thrust. 

“Shit…” you curse at the impact.

“And that?” he asks. “How’s-”

“Please just keep going, please…” you interrupt him, and contrary to your plea, he does nothing but look down at your state with a big smirk on his face. He has you exactly where he wants you, you know that now, and to be honest? You can only wonder why you haven’t started having rougher sex like this earlier. “Please…” you whimper again.

“What do you want?” Jongho asks, placing one of his palms onto your stomach. “Want me to ruin you?”

“Y-yes please,” you whine. He moves his hand up a bit, slowly, but not too slow, and when he finally snakes his fingers around your throat, you let out an uncontrolled moan.

“Like this?” he asks, and at this point you’re sure he’s only dragging this out to provoke you for the fun of it. And yet, with his hand around your neck like this you don’t have the strength in you to fight back or to do anything but beg.

“Y-yes… baby please…” 

“Please what?”

“Please ruin me…” This seemingly being the answer he wanted to hear, he now starts thrusting into you, slowly at first. But his smooth motions soon turn into something rougher, something led not by self-control, but by his own lust, maybe his need for release, maybe his desire to see with his own eyes what he can do to you like this. And then there’s his hand around your throat, his touch feeling hot against your skin, even though it’s only resting there, not applying any pressure whatsoever. And still you find yourself unable to do anything but moan along with the pace he’s pounding into you, his weight pressing your body into the mattress. Groans fall from his lips as well, and you can feel a dull pain as he digs his nails into the flesh on your thigh. 

“‘M coming… close…” you mewl, and as if that was his cue, you feel his grip around your neck becoming just a bit tighter, and his fingertips press down onto your pulse. Your head starts to spin, your mouth falling open, one broken moan after the other coming out, and mere moments later your high crashes down on you. Your body shakes violently and you feel your boyfriend’s hand being retracted from your throat, and the second he does you moan his name, clenching around his length that’s thrusting in and out of you even faster now. It doesn’t take long until he as well finds his release, a hissed curse falling from his lips as his short hair falls into his face, covering his expression as he too is shaken from the pleasure.

He pulls out of you, reaching for the tissues he’s keeping beside his bed to help clean you up before doing the same for himself and then he thoroughly inspects your throat, making sure he didn’t accidentally apply too much pressure or leave a mark.

“Are you okay?” he asks and you nod. “No pain anywhere?”

“No,” you answer, giving him a tired smile, and then you sit up. “Actually… I really enjoyed that.” For some reason you feel shy as you speak those words, and he immediately picks up on your state of mind, reaching out to cup your face and run his thumb across your cheek in a reassuring motion.

“That’s good.”

“And you? Did you… enjoy it?” And now suddenly he looks away somewhat shyly as well, and for a second there it’s hard to imagine this is the same person who’s been fucking you like that just a hot minute ago.

“I did,” your boyfriend answers. 

“Then let’s try out more,” you suggest, but then you rephrase your words to make them come out sounding as sure of yourself as you are. “I want to know more.”

[marblejack]

Watching RTGame Minecraft playthrough and Daniel's genuine fascination with vanilla experience made me reflect on how I view this game. It reminded me how I first discovered it decade ago, had the ultimate Minecraft experience of trying to figure stuff on my own (and miserably failing), then having a knowing friend behind my back teaching the basics™ and slowly getting on track from there. Surely, it's not a new game. And I feel like over the years, as I grew up, Minecraft-the-game slowly morphed into some hybrid virtual medium to hang out with friends for me. It became less of a world I get immersed in and more of an algorithm I'm really good at navigating and using its restrictions to my advantage. In a weird fashion, the only thing I can compare what modded Minecraft is to me is Hatsune Miku, an entity who functionally is an avatar with million faces and myriad stories for you to tell. In the same manner long ago modded Minecraft became a neutral base to create any game in (almost) any genre I felt like playing. It's a welcome development, but what I ultimately gave up in exchange is appreciation for simplicity of vanilla, and I became desensitized to it. Watching Daniel discover all these novelties with almost childlike wonder, I can't help but get nostalgic over how I used to see it, and how I never will be able to go back to it. That's so obvious, but so many decisions he makes I wouldn't, if I was playing. I'm probably one of those people who kept suggesting creating new world, until Daniel put effort in exploring it and discovering all those gorgeous places that I wouldn't. Seeing him roleplay and genuinely engage with the world surrounding him reminded me how decade ago I used to have a small house with a single dog on the edge of the cliff in the snowy taiga. I didn't really do anything to progress the game and was too scared to go into the caves to upgrade my tools to iron, so I tended to my little garden, fed my dog with chicken and wrote something in my only book and quill as a diary. It was all these same actions every single day, but I never felt bored. I felt isolated, but never lonely with my dog by my side, and as soon as sun had set, I was racing to my tiny hut, afraid of mobs, and my dog would feel really sad if one day I didn't return, after all. For some reason, decade later I remember everything to the tiniest detail. The layout of the house, the surrounding forest and what I wrote down back then. Since those times I had countless worlds and multiple projects, I used to speedrun Minecraft for fun and competition, but I remember so little about it all, a blurred memories of something that vaguely happened. But seeing Daniel build his tower, having beef with villagers stealing his sleeping spot, parting sea and for shits and giggles, spending two hours trying to draw a circle that functionally doesn't work for an assumption he lowkey gaslit himself into believing is true, filling out the maps of surrounding areas and looking for Bubblegum to lead home make me feel those exact feelings again. Maybe that's what it feels like to be the knowing friend sitting behind someone's back and teaching the ways of Minecraft. I never got to know what it feels like. After all, who hasn't played Minecraft nowadays?

[secondcupforyou]

seventeen as horrible pick-up lines, a carat/valentine’s day special 🩷🩵

disclaimer, this is purely for entertainment purposes and does not reflect who seventeen are as people.

pairing! ot13 (separate) x gender neutral! reader

warnings! light swearing

word count! ~1k words total

author’s note! i found a list of horrible pick-up lines and couldn’t stop myself…

Seungcheol

“I can't taste my cherry lip gloss! Can you give it a try?”

“Huh? Like you want me to try it out?” you asked as you rummaged around your bag. You had been trying to find your phone to get directions for the restaurant you got reservations for. After you found it, you looked up to see Seungcheol’s pouty face. At that, you realised he was probably asking for something less explicit. “Oh, was that you asking to kiss me? You should have been more clear.”

Jeonghan

“Are you iron? Cause I don’t get enough of you.”

”Last time I checked, I wasn’t Iron Man, so I would check somewhere else.” you joked. However, you weren’t fully expecting the whining that would come after it. As you began to laugh at his reaction, Jeonghan’s complaining got louder. Through broken laughs, you tried to speak, “C’mon, I know you could do better than that.”

Joshua

“On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?”

You looked up from your textbook as you heard Joshua’s voice. The two of you were supposed to be working on a project your professor had assigned you for the week. As you looked into his eyes, his small smile irked you just enough to complain: “Can’t you ask like a normal person? If you did, then maybe I would be free.”

Before he could respond, you began to work on the assignment once again.

Jun

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

You had lost track of the amount of times Jun had used different pick-up lines throughout the day. It started when you first saw each other today, and it hasn’t stopped since. While it was endearing for you, you could also see the annoyance building up from your friends. With a quick laugh, you leaned into his ear to whisper, “I would stop before one of them ends up punching you.”

Soonyoung

“This date is like a big bowl of Frosted Flakes. It’s grrrrrrrrreat!”

When Soonyoung said this to you, you couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe it was because of his complete seriousness as he looked you straight in the eyes, or maybe it was because of the silence that filled the room before. Either way, you weren’t expecting him to tell you a stupid pick-up line.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you were finally able to ask as your laughs began to calm down.

Wonwoo

“Good thing I have a library card, because I'm checking you out.”

Maybe it was because you were at the library that this was so cheesy, but you don’t think it would change much. He quickly moved to continue browsing through the books on the shelves; however, you could see a hint of blush lie across his cheeks. It made you smile.

“Ya’ know,” you began, “if you didn’t read books, then this would have been more awkward.”

Jihoon

“To quote the poet Lee Woozi, ‘Even if my lips are dry, I need to say this, baby: I adore you.’”

“Did you just use your own song to try to pick me up?” you said as you attempted to close the door to his studio. You had just ran to get some snacks from the convenience store before the two of you worked on music for the night, so your hands were filled with snacks. After watching you struggle a bit with the door, Jihoon got out of his chair to close the door for you. You whispered a small ‘thanks’ before setting them down on the table.

Seokmin

“I thought happiness started with ‘h,’ but turns out it begins with ‘u.’”

“And my happiness begins with ‘seok’ and ends with ‘min,’” you laughed as you brought the cup of coffee to your lips. Looking up from your cup, you saw Seokmin’s bright smile at your joke; however, you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by it. “That joke was so awkward. I’m sorry.”

Mingyu

“Can I get your soccer jersey? I really want your name and number.”

At first, the line went over your head. One, you don’t play soccer. Two, Mingyu already had both your name and number. Three, why would Mingyu even use a pick-up line while talking to you? Though, the longer you took to respond, the more he began to pout.

As you watched him sulk, you came to the realisation quickly, “Oh, wait, that pick-up line was directed at me?”

Minghao

“Are you a parking ticket? Cause you've got fine written all over you.”

Minghao’s face was distraught, almost as if he was currently questioning his sanity. The sight of it was comedic. You slowly began to laugh at the situation, asking the question, “Who dared you to say that?”

Once you asked that, you could see the relief on his face.

Seungkwan

“If you're a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple.”

“Damn, does that mean it’s cannibalism for me to eat pineapples,” you said as you picked a bunch of bananas. You and Seungkwan had been shopping for your groceries for the week as you had just run out of cooking ingredients. After checking the quality of the bananas, you put them in the cart you were pushing around. “Good thing I like tangerines then.”

Vernon

“Did I tell you I'm filthy rich and my mother's dead?”

“Okay, yeah, that is pretty bad,” you admitted as you picked up a piece of chocolate. The two of you had been reading through lists of pick-up lines to try to find the worst one. At first, it started as a bit of a competition, but you had slowly lost the competitiveness of it. Scrolling through your phone, you tried to find one that was just as bad to beat Vernon’s. “What about this one…”

Chan

“Math is so confusing. It's always talking about x and y and never you and I.”

“I know that was a pick-up line, but I feel like using the variables ‘u’ and ‘i’ would make it worse, “ you said as you finished up the math problem in your textbook. Chan laughed as he grabbed a pencil sharpener from your pencil case. “No, like, seriously. Imagine writing them even just a little bit differently then, all of sudden, it is a 0 or a 1.”

mirajane’s rambles! i actually have no idea how i did this in a couple hours. my found this website where they were referring to pick-up lines as “rizz” lines, and i spiralled lmao. i had fun tho

happy valentine’s and carat day, everyone! <33

all likes/reblogs/comments are appreciated!

[year2000electronics]

I read that part on both finally being seen in willford and now I want to hear more of Stanford Gleeful's thoughts on his pathetic triangle demon bf throughout the years if that's alright

ALRIGHTY i can take a crack at it.

when they first meet, i imagine, is a lot similar to canon billford, with will primping and preening ford's ego like "of COURSE i chose you! youre special!" and ford eagerly accepts the praise, but the more time they spend together, the more ford gets a read on will, and the more ford realizes will is very purposely kinda showing "holes" in his plan because he's really falling for ford/using him as his Emotional Support Human. and that's fine by ford, he'll do whatever he needs to get the success he so richly deserves, but in my mind, he slowly starts getting less and less impressed by will. he still likes him, to be sure, but less like a muse and more like... i don't know, a pet. as a random, non-specific example. like a stray cat you found at the side of the road.

then, the "betrayal" happens, in which ford shackles will into his servitude because fiddleford left the portal project right before they were good to test it. ford knows will feels incredibly betrayed by this, but really, who will nurture will like he does? who's going to be a better subject for his muse? nobody. it's better this way for both of them. one day will's going to see that.

ford's return from the portal has him realizing that dipper and mabel have been "looking after" will for a couple years now, and although he's initially happy to share, he just would like everyone to know. thats HIS dream demon. not yours. so as the days go on in the gleeful manor, ford ends up spending a lot of time with will and just generally trying to re-bolster their connection, using everything from threats to charms- all that. and, of course, will does all his chores. he missed the simple luxury of having someone swoon over you all day

during weirdmageddon, he views will as a partner, because he's "willing" to give a 50/50 split to their power now that will's got a physical form, and perhaps he'll stop being quite so weepy. but there's a moment during all that, when will casually starts dropping a LOT more violent language, and doing his sad little laugh a lot more often, and ford realizes "oh. oh, i've been making a DEMON slowly lose his patience over the course of 30 years." and that yes, will IS still mad about their deal. and it all comes to a head when will lets slip that he is planning on killing the rest of the gleefuls.

as of the book of will/will getting locked in the theraprism, i feel like theyre still on each others' minds, but with ford gleeful it's like "maybe one day he'll come back and we can make a better life together and atone" and will is like "i am going to pin him to a wall like a butterfly and make him watch as i paint the entire room red from his family's blood" so. maybe some time apart for them is just fine!

overall i want them to kinda be a funhouse mirror reflection of bill and ford's canon dynamic, but since will still has the power and mentality of a demon in this dynamic, and since ford gleeful's still just a man, it's not 1-1 exactly

[theminecraftbee]

minotaur Joe for the fanon swap prompts? i feel like he'd do something very philosophical and Joe(tm) about mythology. or butterfly/moth Joe?

After waking up with a headache and looking in the mirror to shave, Joe pauses. He stares at his reflection in the mirror. For the past several days, he hadn't thought anything of it; it's usual enough, for a hermit to start to get weird as the day of the start of a new project approaches. Why, if all that moon stuff hadn't happened, Joe can only imagine what growing snakes would have been like for Cleo.

He wonders if it was anything like this: Joe wakes up, stretches, hears weird clacking as he goes to the bathroom, goes to grab his razor, and rather abruptly realizes that he doesn't have a beard, or, rather, that since he now has a bull's head, he has far more beard than can possibly be reasonably shaved, and he should throw the whole concept of 'shaving a beard' out the window.

"Huh," he says. "I guess growing horns does give people a headache? Who knew?"

If his voice is wavering as he says it, well, no one's around to hear. They're between seasons, and while Joe is sharing a server with several hermits at the moment, his mountain lodge doesn't have much by way of neighbors. He's alone to have this horrible revelation.

"How will the bunny ears look with the bull head?" he asks himself. He tries to picture the result and, determining it a little less existentially terrifying than a sudden, unplanned change of species, decides to put them on. He nods. "I am a Playboy Minotaur," he mutters to himself. "I am confident! Composed! Perhaps even a sexyman? Eh, I'll workshop it. I wonder if there's better-matching armor for this..."

He hitches in his morning routine when he realizes the weird clacking he'd been hearing had been hooves. Realistically, he should now be wondering how well any of his boots will fit, now that he doesn't really have toes, and if he needs to be shoed, like a horse might, to protect the hooves from damage instead. Realistically, he should be contacting Iskall about whatever modifications need to be made for the remainder of his time hunting vaults before season 10 starts. Realistically, he should be hunting down one of the less-human hermits and asking if eating burgers to gain levels is now cannibalism. All of these things are realistic concerns that he can bother people about right now, if he wants to!

Unrealistically, he's thinking more about a conversation he'd had with Cub the other day as he stares at his hooves, hands shaking far, far more than he'd care to admit.

They'd been arguing about who Daedalus was.

It had started when they started planning together. Joe had mentioned wanting to build a labyrinth a little bit ago, and Cub, who apparently loved building mazes, was going to help out with the planning. With any luck, all of the hermits were going to help build it! He'd rambled about giving himself a bit of themeing about Theseus as a result, about conquering this whole labyrinth build, this project he'd designed not to really have an end. About having to guide himself in and out through twisting tunnels.

Cub had then pointed out that if Joe had been building it, that technically makes him Daedalus; the one guy who knew the layout, the genius inventor building the trap for the server, designing its hallways. Joe had argued that was who Cub would be; Cub is the expert madman inventor being brought on, and Joe just like, wanted to build a maze. Cub had said that that sort of made Joe Minos then, but given season seven, the guy who once got cursed to turn everything he touched to gold didn't feel very fitting. Joe had agreed it hadn't fit. Maybe they'd split Daedalus then, if Theseus was a little too thematically muddled?

They'd laughed about it. Joe hadn't really intended for the maze to be based on myth, anyway. That would be stealing Cleo's bit, and he knows better than to do that.

And yet.

"We didn't consider I might be the Minotaur," Joe says to no one in particular. "You know. Of the figures associated with the Labyrinth, we didn't consider the big bull trapped in the middle. I should tell Cub we forgot about that one. It'll be a real laugh."

He can't quite say out loud the thing he's really thinking, which is this:

Well, if the universe has decided the guy with the maze won't be the hero, or the inventor, or the king, but the bull it was designed to trap--well. What's that say about him, exactly, in symbology?

"Maybe it's just in reference to the vaults," he says, trying to hype himself up. It falls a little flat. He takes a deep breath. He realizes he's still holding his razor, even after crossing his house to get the bunny ears. He goes to put the razor down and catches sight of his head in the mirror once again.

Monstrous. He's friends with a lot of monsters, of course; he's known Cleo for more than a decade. And his mannerisms, they're still him. But right then, in that moment...

He pokes the bunny ears.

"I am the Playboy Minotaur," he says, more insistently. "Didn't Iskall have that dress he had covered in flowers? That's what's really important here. That, and the obligatory cannibalism if I want to reach the level 100 goal in time, of course. The Minotaur clearly ate meat, despite being a cow, and ate people, despite being half person, but we really know nothing about what cow would do to my diet. Hold on, I have a very confusing message I can write Iskall about this one."

He deliberately turns away from the mirror and goes to write Iskall something that will explain nothing at all, and then tell Cub about their oversight. It's not like he can change it now.

[jenniferlawrencelover]

Wade forced himself to focus on the mirror again, tearing his gaze away from Logan before he did something stupid—like launching himself across the room and kissing the life out of the guy. "Can't help it if you're a fucking distraction," Wade muttered, more to himself than to Logan, managing to get the tie somewhat presentable, though he was pretty sure Logan could tie a better knot with his eyes closed. He adjusted the red pocket square, trying to give himself something to do with his hands that didn't involve reaching for Logan.

"You know," he said, "I have to admit, you look pretty damn good in a suit. I mean, it's no Wolverine's suit, and it's not like I didn't know you were built like a tank, but damn... who knew you cleaned up so well?"

Logan glanced up from where he was sitting, his eyes narrowing slightly as he met Wade's gaze in the mirror. "Yeah, well, don't get used to it, Bub."

"Too late," Wade leered. "Why don't you stand up and do a twirl for me, Princess?"

Snikt

"Woah, hey! No! No," Wade turned around, holding his hands out in front of him. Logan's claws glinted under the fluorescent lights menacingly as he glared up at him. "Usually I'm up for a little bit of foreplay, but we're under strict instructions that the claws need to stay away today. If she sees even a speck of blood on either of us, she is going to lose her shit."

Logan's claws retracted with a swift snikt, and he leveled a disapproving look at Wade, who was still standing with his hands up in a defensive posture. "Then, maybe you shouldn't say things that make me want to stab you."

"I flirt when I'm nervous," Wade quipped, crossing his arms. "It's not every day the love of your life gets married to someone else."

Logan gives him a flat look. 

"Right, my bad. We can trauma bond about it later, say over dinner?" He reaches under the sink, pulling out the newest toupee—one of his more elegant wigs, this time a nearly identical replica of Nicepool's long locks.

Logan stared at the toupee, then back at Wade with a look of exasperation. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're actually wearing that?"

Wade grinned, holding the toupee up like a trophy. "Oh, come on. It's her big day. Nobody wants to see a walking scrotum sitting at the bar."

He plopped it onto his head, ignoring Logan's winces as he stapled it firmly to his head. He spins in a circle, posing a few times for Logan. "How do I look?"

"Horrifying."

"More or less than usual?" 

Logan didn't answer, his face crinkling into one of disgust. Wade spun back to face the mirror, rearranging the wig in the way he remembered Nicepool wore his--may he rest in peace--eyes flickering between his own reflection and Logan's as he watched him. Finally, feeling satisfied with his appearance, he turned around and clapped his hands. "Ready to rock and roll?"

Logan didn't move, choosing to sit there and just stare at him like he had something completely batshit crazy. His hands tightened around his thighs, white-knuckling the dark fabric. "How do you do that?" he asked suddenly, his voice breaking the stillness.

Wade glanced up, confused. "Do what? The wig? I mean, sure, I watched a lot of tutorials, but really it's all in the quality-" 

"No," Logan interrupted, his tone sharper than usual. "I mean, how do you just...watch the love of your life get married to someone else?"

Wade was silent for a moment, his eyes focusing on the claw mark through the shower curtain. Hm. What fight caused that? He took a deep breath. "Well...when you love someone, when you really, truly love someone, it doesn't really matter who they end up with. Even if it isn't you, you're happy because they're happy." Wade shrugged, "And I think deep down, I knew it was never going to be me. People like her, good people, they don't end up with guys like me. They end up with the good guy."

"You are a good guy," Logan said sternly, startling Wade out of his half-reverie. "Annoying as fuck, a goddamn pervert, but you are a good guy."

Wade laughed softly, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm really, really not."

Logan shook his head, stepping closer. "You saved the world for her. For your family. For everybody. You took me in, even though I'm a dick, and I'm 'grumpy' and I'm an alcoholic, and we nearly kill each other every day. When I was nothing but...when I was just nothing to anybody. When I was the 'worst' Wolverine, you didn't give a fuck what I had to say or what anyone else had to say. You told me I'm the best Wolverine. Even when I wasn't. When I haven't been."

Logan poked a thick finger into his chest. "You. Are. A. Good. Guy. Wade Wilson. Fuck her."

"Logan," Wade began slowly, "I've done a lot of things. Some of them... well, let's just say if there's a line, I've not only crossed it, I've stomped it into the ground and done a little tap dance on it."

Logan's expression didn't change, his gaze steady as he waited for Wade to continue.

"I saved the world, but I also destroyed a lot of it in the process. I killed people. People who didn't deserve it, who were just... there. Wrong place, wrong time. And every time I do something good, it's like there's this... tally board, and all those bad things I've done, they just get louder, like they're reminding me of who I really am. Of what I am."

Logan stepped even closer, closing the gap between them, his presence solid and grounding. "You think I don't know what that's like? To be haunted by what you've done? Hell, Wade, I've been carrying that weight for longer than I care to remember. But that doesn't define us. You saved the world not because you were trying to erase your past, but because you wanted to make a future for people you care about. That's what matters."

"Why do you even care? Why are you trying so hard to convince me that I'm worth something?" Wade shot back, poking his chest. "Why does it matter to you so much?"

Logan leaned in closer, and Wade had to resist the urge to pull away from him, pull away from his minty breath and his clenched teeth and those steak knives he called claws. "Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?"

Wade's breath hitched, his brain short-circuiting as Logan's words hung in the air between them. 

His pulse quickened, and he had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from doing something stupid, like closing the distance and finding out exactly how Logan's lips would feel pressed against his. He could imagine it so clearly, the way Logan's hands would grip his arms—tight enough to leave bruises, to hold him in place—and the way those clawed fingers would curl into his flesh, leaving marks that would fade almost as soon as they appeared.

He wanted to push Logan, to see how far he could go before the older man snapped. He wanted to feel Logan's rough hands on his skin, to have him take out all that pent-up frustration on him in the most primal way possible. Wade's thoughts drifted to what it would be like to be under Logan, to have him growling his name, those low, guttural sounds that Wade had only ever heard when Logan was pissed off or in the middle of a fight.

But as much as Wade wanted to give in to those thoughts, he knew better. He knew that if he pushed too far, if he acted on the urge that was currently making it hard to think straight, he'd be risking everything. Whatever this was between them, it was fragile, and Wade wasn't sure if it could survive if he crossed that line.

So instead, Wade did what he always did—he deflected. He forced a smirk onto his face, even though his heart was pounding in his chest, and tried to push the thoughts of Logan's lips, Logan's hands, Logan's everything, out of his mind.

"Wow, Wolvie," Wade said, his voice coming out a little more breathless than he intended. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me. You trying to get in my pants or something? Because, fair warning, I'm a cheap date—I'll put out after a few kind words and maybe a well-placed claw or two."

Logan's eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Wade thought he saw something flash in them—something dark and dangerous that made his stomach do a weird flip. But then Logan just huffed, shaking his head like Wade was a particularly annoying puzzle he couldn't figure out. "You really don't know when to shut up, do you?" Logan growled, but there was no real bite behind it.

Wade shrugged, trying to keep it casual even though his thoughts were anything but. "It's part of my charm. But seriously, Logan, if you're not trying to seduce me, you're doing a terrible job of convincing me otherwise. I mean, you're practically on top of me right now. A guy could get the wrong idea."

Logan's eyes flicked down to where their chests were almost touching, and for a brief moment, Wade thought he saw his resolve waver. But then Logan took a step back, putting some much-needed distance between them, and the moment was gone.

Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?

Wade cleared his throat, trying to shake off the sudden tension."Well, uh, glad we got all of that mushy stuff out of the way," Wade stammered, his usual bravado faltering. "Blech, gross. We better get, uh... going. Yeah, going."

Logan didn't respond right away, his intense gaze still locked on Wade. The silence stretched between them, and for a moment, Wade wondered if he'd said something wrong. He was about to crack another joke, something to diffuse the weirdness, when Logan took a step closer.

Wade froze, his heart pounding in his chest. 

Then, without warning,

*RECORD SCRATCH*

Enticed? On the edge of your seat? Have your special sock out? If you liked that little snippet, you’ll love domestic poolverine. So what are you waiting for??? Click that link!!!

[blockgamepirate]

R = Rose (well, it's probably her), E = The Ender King

R: Long ago, E: A lifetime ago,

R: there was a child of the sky… E: there lived a man who fancied himself an explorer. . .

R: whose feathers were as dark as the night, of wings E: who flew with angels' wings,

R: that span across the Heavens. E: as vast as the endless Void.

R: He would take flight, possessing an unwavering spirit E: He soared wherever his whims took him,

R: and journeying through the unknown with a brave heart. E: claiming the treasures and secrets of the unknown as his own.

R: Day by day, E: Time after time,

R: he overcame trials and tribulations, an unwavering soul. E: he fought through trials no person was ever meant to survive.

These opening lines match so closely and it makes the differences in wording and tone very noticeable and interesting.

Rose (I'm just gonna assume it's her, alright) calls Phil a "child of the sky", the Ender King a "man who fancied himself an explorer". Rose is older than the Ender King and she's a protector, she views him as a child. The Ender King is scornful of others doesn't care about anyone but himself and views Phil as a man but immediately implies that Phil himself doesn't understand himself as well as he understands him.

Rose refers to the wings as "dark" but for the Ender King dark wings are kinda obvious, I mean what other kinds of wings are there, right? Instead he focuses on the comparison with angels, because feathers are kind of an alien concept for him, maybe, idk.

What Rose sees as "unwavering spirit", the Ender King sees as "whims", what Rose sees as journeying with a brave heart, the Ender King sees as conquest of the unknown. I think both are majorly projecting here lmao. They're describing themselves more than they're describing Phil.

Rose stresses Phil's unwavering soul "overcoming" trials, the Ender King sees them as battles to be "fought", maybe with a hint of grudging respect for Phil's success against all odds?

The rest of the text in each letter is less obviously mirrored, but the broad lines are still the same:

Rose describes Phil’s misfortune as seemingly having no clear reason, it’s just something that happened and it was a tragedy, but there's still hope for him. She focuses on his feelings of sadness and the way his presence was missed.

The Ender King blames Phil and sees this as some sort of divine punishment for his greed, again projecting his own faults onto Phil, that can only be escaped through redemption. This is clearly how he sees his own predicament now. And he draws that connection himself, explicitly.

I think by this point it's obvious that Rose views Phil as a child (her child?), the Ender King views him as a reflection of himself.

Rose only mentions herself off-handedly, doesn’t make a big deal of herself and even tries to dismiss her identity as unimportant. She only expresses her familiarity with Phil and that she feels his pain and wants to help him. She assures him that they will meet again (not realising that her message ended up being everything but comforting for him, oops.)

The Ender King talks about himself almost as much if not more than he talks about Phil, and only sees Phil’s value in his relation to himself. He makes a big deal about being THE ONLY ONE who can help Phil, which he offers to do, in the most condescending way possible. ”to grant you the peace of mind you so desperately seek”, okay dude.

And of course the way he addresses Phil is full of mockery where Rose's is full of gentle praise. It's interesting that he calls Phil by name, though, while Rose only addresses him by the same sobriquet she used in the beginning, "child of the sky".

It's also interesting how Rose seems to focus a LOT on Phil's wings, but it's hard to say if this is metaphorical or literal (or both). The Ender King's letter definitely makes it sound more like it's about Phil's mental state, him seeking "peace of mind". Rose also sort of touches on something related to that with the comment about his memories, but that's kinda it. The Ender King refers to his derealisation episodes very bluntly. Although I don't think either of them mean the problems with derealization is the thing he needs guidance for, considering they're BOTH actively making it worse with their messages.

If I were to guess, it's probably about him losing his memories and getting trapped on Quesadilla Island? idk. Possibly also the wings but I'm starting to lean towards the wings just needing to heal on their own and he probably doesn't actually need help with that.

Anyway, there are a lot of differences between the letters, but there are also a lot of core similarities: both of them are in a way treating him as a child, or a naive and childish person, both of them recognise his pain, both of them offer guidance and relief for said pain, although one through "faith" and one through "redemption" (oh boy there's a lot to say about that particular contrast that one could maybe make some real life comparisons about...) and although Rose does it a lot more, both of them associate him heavily with his wings.

I feel like there's also a certain level of respect for him in both letters, paradoxically. You wouldn't think that from how you have this almost coddling tone on one hand and mocking and condescending on the other. But they both describe him as a larger-than-life figure, almost like a mythical creature or a legendary hero (hero in the ancient sense of the word). And the way they BOTH emphasize the unfathomable vastness of his wings in such similar ways also doesn't seem coincidental. That's not how you (as a god) describe a mortal man, that's how you describe a fellow divine being.

(Honestly, these descriptions almost sound like he's a personification of a natural force, like he isn't just like the night or like the darkness, he is the night, he is the darkness, he is the void. What else would have wings that stretched out across the entire sky?)

And of course they both ultimately see him as someone worthy of their divine guidance.

I'm so excited to see if the other deities send him their own messages, I can't wait

[omaano]

SW Hades AU August Update

Links and previous updates: May - June - July, everything else in this AU

In contrast to the July update, I didn't make as much progress in August as I'd intended, but all the same I'm quite happy with what I get to share with you here:

In the previous poll I only promised to get Echo and Fives to lines and flat colours by this (more than a bit belated) update, but thanks to @lesquatrechevrons keeping me company while I was working on them I managed to get the Domino Twins character art to a state of "almost finished". (I had posted them as "finished" but that was before I realized that I'd forgotten to add the little specks of neon colour to them, but oh well, I hate that stage anyway XD)

I also did some brainstorming with the amazing @elwinged about all the characters, as well as the various weapons and their aspects for this AU. They had some great theories and ideas, and also made me actively think about these things, which was real fun!

Before I go into some ramblings about what went into Echo and Fives' art and design (gotta pad this update with something, and some of you seemed to enjoy it with Omega last time), let's have another poll for next month! I've looked over my table of characters and plans, and I came to the delightful realization that I've made far better progress than how it feels on a day-to-day basis. So maybe it's time to work a bit on the boon-giver characters for a change:

Also would anyone be interested in a taglist for these updates, or are you all fine with me just putting these out whenever and let tumblr do its thing in getting them to you? (send me an ask or reply here if yes, I know my tumblr is a mess XD)

Now on to some thoughts on Echo and Fives:

Depicted but not illustrated in its fullest is that Rex has been a constant presence next to Echo and Fives (and to Cody, too, previous to that). It bears repeating that I really wanted to make sure that the clones are the same in size, and share as many colours as possible (so Cody also stood around as moral support when it came to Fives' hair). So you can also see how the shading on their faces are very similar in their shapes, except for the shadows in that part where nose, cheek and mouth meet, because I wanted to make the Dominoes look a bit younger.

Same with how Rex still has that wrinkle in his forehead that I oddly fixate on so much (don't ask), but Echo and Fives very clerly don't. I'll claim that it had been a completely conscious decision, and not just time passing between the two designs - well over half a year - during which I got it into my head that I should depict the clones during wartime as close to their barely-20-ish age as possible.

One thing I didn't commit to enough though (because I chickened out) was to make Fives look a bit more "dead" and ghostly before I put the blue-green soft light adjustment layer on him was the deeper and darker circles under his eyes, and I fully intended to leave out the light reflection from his eyes... but in the end I went back and added a duller shine to them because I'm weak, it's barely visible and he looked too grumpy and mean already T^T I also didn't want to make his cheeks more hollow or anything, because then I would just feel bad and weird about taking away the roundness from their shapes that I've worked so hard to put on them.

As I was working on this piece I've also thought a lot on the style that I've been trying to mimic through this project.

The thing that gave me pause is that I see more and more of my own style slipping into these pieces, I allow my lines to round out more... and I can claim that it is mostly because that's the compromise I can make with the clones, but I open up and look at Hades references less and less, and I just go freely with what's stuck in my brain while I'd tried to wrap my mind around the style when I first went at it.

I've also always had trouble with grouping my shadows and shapes, and this is exactly what I should be pushing more from now on forward. I keep letting myself get distracted by all the tiny details that I so enjoy to put into my work (case in point all that scarring on Echo, and even Fives' hair - as well as Cody's previously, but I didn't know how else to convey the texture of their hair in less and larger shapes). Hades character designs always feel so rich with detail, but at the same time they are a lot more streamlined than what I'd do if i let my own instincts and desires run wild. I'll try to work with that in the future!

Last but not least a few words on Echo's armor:

I'm slowly but surely stretching my artistic muscles a little and going a bit off-model for the characters, so I wanted Echo to wear armor that is a mix of his ARC and Bad Batch commando armor. So he's got the old plates on his arms (where he still has one LOL), all the straps and pouches (and both blasters!) and old kama hanging from his belt, as well as the hand print paint (because that is personally very very important to me that he has it). Then, beause I desperately needed some other colour in my characters that's not blue or black or grey, he's got elements of the red and orange paint he wears later in TBB (I really wanted him to have that orange stripe down the middle of his chest piece too, but I couldn't make it work with the handprint :() I'm real happy with this balance, and particularly with the shades of blue in his worn paint ^^

I also really wanted to give him a hand (I'll never not be frustrated at how Echo was kept literally handicapped with only his left hand to shoot and grab things (and people) with. It's good that he'd been an ARC and trained in dual wielding, but in a world where people keep losing their appendages (and sometimes half of their bodies) as if it was np big deal at all, it couldn't have been too difficult to get him a hand!! ANYWAYS. I'd first learned how to draw mechanical prosthetic hands/arms during my time in the Overwatch fandom, and I don't think I could draw them any other way (especially the fingers and the lights showing through in their joints) than how I'd done for Cole Cassidy way back when he still had a different name XD

I know there is a relatively limited way in how and what parts you can use to build up a hand/forearm, but I just cannot unsee it, and I thought I'd share this tidbit fun fact as well XD

I hope you enjoyed these ramblings, and I promise to try and keep to the normal mid-month-ish schedule for September!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I'm not sure if you've answered a question like this before but do you think Sebek would feel less insecure about his human-fae heritage if he became acquainted (or even friends) with someone similar at NRC? Or would he just end up projecting his own struggles onto them?

It'd be a different story if he grew up with one in Briar Valley, but I'm not caught up on the lore enough to know how common mixed fae-humans are there 😅

I don’t think it would make a significant difference.

Firstly, the impression I get is that mixed fae-humans are rare, since fae are unlikely to mingle outside of their kind (pixies and Briar Valley fae behave similarly and are suspicious of non-fae; only the Dwarves seem to be friendly with humans). The chances of Sebek being even finding someone of his kind are low. Recall too that nocturnal fae (which Sebek is descended from) have beef with diurnal fae, so even if Sebek were to run into a mixed fae like him, he might still clash with them on the basis of that difference in background.

Another point I’d like to make is that one person for like a year or so may not be “enough” to totally change Sebek’s mind. Think about it. The way you’re describing it, Sebek has still grown up in Briar Valley his entire life and comes to NRC still carrying the attitudes he grew up with and the experiences of being looked down on by full fae. One encounter at school won’t be sufficient to counteract what is basically a lifetime’s worth of isolation and self-loathing. That just isn’t how character growth works; it’s a steady thing that you have to actively work toward.

As an example, Epel does not instantly shake off his views on traditional gender roles in book 5 just because he met Vil and lived under his dorm. Exposure alone isn’t “enough”. Epel has to be challenged and shown the error of his ways, as well as actually gain a respect for Vil’s perspective and then learn to overcome his own prejudices. A similar thing happens in book 7 when Sebek is confronted by the bigotry of his grandfather, which reflects his own attitudes towards his human peers. Again, he is being challenged and forced to face these unsavory aspects of himself and sees how that shows in others. It’s a process far more complex than simply meeting and/or befriending someone like you and realizing on your own, “oh hey, maybe I was wrong”. Sebek has to put in the work to change.

Looking at Sebek’s current circle also doesn’t yield any… hopeful results? He looks up to Lilia so much yet also puts up resistance and ignores advice from him to be more kind to non-fae. Note also that Sebek, despite being friends with Silver (a full-blooded human), he still holds a bad opinion of humans in general. It didn’t make him magically not racist or more understanding of humans when so much of his socialization fell outside of that purview. If anything, Sebek just acts like Silver is “one of the good ones” rather than his friendship with Silver making him more accepting of other humans.

Finally, I don’t think just the presence or the befriending of another person like him would change Sebek by itself. It would depends a lot on what type of person that other guy is. Who knows, maybe they’re just as bigoted and agree with his thoughts. It could also result in a scenario where Sebek feels comfortable staying in his own little echo chamber and refuses to venture beyond that. In another case, Sebek could very easily warp his views to confirm the narrative that already exists in his head. He could very easily tell himself “yes, this person is fine because they, too, have fae blood in them”. (Think of how many bigots use the “but I have a [insert marginalized group here] friend so I can’t be [X]ist!” excuse to justify their own terrible stances.) There are many ways this could go wrong or perpetuate what he already believes in. Confirmation bias is a thing!

[reesespeanutbutterfuck]

love marks & battle scars

[rival! enemy! ken sato x baseball teammate! undercover KDF agent! reader]

part 3

part 2 | part 4

pairing: ken sato x reader

cw: unproofread, rivals to lovers, enemies to lovers, eventual ANGST, cursing, hardcore!intimidating!reader, matsui’s daughter!reader, cursing, minimal details are modified to fit into the storyline, girldad!kenji, reader becomes emi’s mother figure, goofy ahhhh writing as usual

ken sato, your egotistical new teammate has been ticking you off and thinning your patience, being a threat to your place in yomiuri giants.  

ultraman, your nemesis who always gets in the way of your job in the kdf, that you only joined in hopes of finding leads and getting clues to track your parents. 

and somehow you even ended up co-parenting his… kaiju daughter. something you never signed up for.

Ken brooded for a while as your last conversation—that obviously didn’t go well—replayed like a broken record inside his head.

He came home that night while your words echoed in his ear. He isn’t mad at you, nor was he hurt. Okay, a little hurt. Although he didn’t take what you said personally. Everything on his plate right now is a mess. The infant pink lizard under his care right now, the whole saving lives as Ultraman gig, Shimura’s nagging, your judgment, his dad’s expectations for him as Ultraman. Everything is too difficult to juggle altogether and he’s not cut out for all this. He just wants to play baseball.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe he is being a burden to the team. But like everyone else, he’s trying. Why isn’t he enough? Is it a sign of weakness to want a break?

He used your gel pad to relieve the pain below his eye where he took a good hit. Even if you’re still angsty with him, he thanks you for the ice pack. If you hadn’t given him yours, he would’ve used a makeshift one, or his cold canned drinks.

The next games are in a few days. After putting the baby kaiju to sleep, he searched about you on his projection computer. Careful not to wake the sleeping baby, he clicked on one of the cams focused on you in a game. You never miss a bat, your pitches are good, your movements are precise. You really are that player. He looked at you intently in the video, maybe if he watches you through the screen frequently, he’ll learn from you. 

He eyed your moving figure. You were zoomed out yet even so he can see your face. He combed his hair with his fingers as a small smirk appeared on his face unconsciously. His expression darkened while staring at you through the screen intently. Oh, he will prove you wrong. He’s not a burden. He knows that deep inside, you’re wrong. Just you wait and he’ll prove just how hardcore he can be, just like you.

When he realized he was mindlessly staring at you for too long, he stopped the video then switched the video to a video of his mom talking to the camera and cheering him on. Ken’s expression slowly went from his smirk to a warm, solemn smile in front of his mom’s projection, reminiscing the precious moments he had with her. His lips quivered. If only she were here, she’d make the burden of his sufferings at least a little less heavy and more bearable. 

”Mom, what am I supposed to do?”

He heard the baby kaiju as it cooed inside the containment glass behind his back, seemingly curious about what’s playing on the projection monitor. Ken didn’t even notice that she was stirred awake. Thankfully, she wasn’t in a crying mood tonight. Because Ken saw her curious about his mother, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he introduces her.

“This is my mom, Emiko Sato.” Ken tried to introduce his mom’s face to the kaiju. She smiled, as if she understood what he had just said, that made Ken involuntarily smile too, reflecting hers. “Emiko… Emi.” he looked down in deep thought. “From now on, I’ll call you Emi.”

He remembers the saying that goes, “Once you name it, you’ll get attached to it.” A load of bollocks. Of course that’s not happening since soon he’ll be leaving the kaiju to where it rightfully belongs, in Kaiju Island, its natural habitat. The name is just to identify her because to be honest, he doesn’t know what else to call it instead of a kaiju baby, which is overrated.

He placed his hand against the glass separating him from the Kaiju whose name is now Emi. Emi also smiled at him behind the glass, like she agrees with the name given to her. Ken feels a sense of pride in his chest. At least now, he’ll have someone to remind him of his mom. A fragment that’ll remind him of her, even temporarily.

—

Shimura called the whole team for training the next day. He was still mad about the humiliation he got when Ken initiated a brawl in court. So he was subtly extra hard on Ken today while training. Although after hours, the training was interrupted when some permitted journalist arrived, spoke to Shimura and excused all players for a short interview.

“We’ll call it a day. After the interview, you can all go home and rest. Plenty, so you don’t screw up the next games.” Shimura announced, looking at Ken in his last phrase, obviously referring to him in the screw-up bit. Afterwards, Shimura left the team to walk toward the interview site closely to supervise the interview.

Ken sat himself at the bench while some of the members were interviewed individually. They had a specific list of names, but he doubts he’ll be called, especially not after the brawl he started a day ago. He can hear the voice of the interviewers and the answers of his teammates as a background noise from the close proximity while he lifts his head to look at the ceiling while he rests, wiping the sweat off his sweaty neck.

“Sato, how are your bruises?” Yoshida, a teammate, sat beside him. It wasn’t a sarcastic question but one with concern laced on it, yet still keeping it civil. Some others followed and also sat nearby.

“Glad you asked. I didn't even feel a thing.” Ken sarcastically answered. He’s used to his teammates striking conversations and his teammates are also used to him not being interested with idle chat.

No attachments, no strings, no friends, no nothing. 

That’s what he swore upon himself. Soon, he’s going to leave Tokyo and go back to LA. It’s not that he hates it here, but he just likes LA more. Everything in Tokyo reminds him of the tragedy of his mother and the way his own father traded them for his responsibilities as Ultraman.

Yoshida laughs his snarky, informal response off and takes it lightly. Before he could follow up, another teammate from behind Yoshida tried to converse with Ken. “How long have you been playing baseball? Who inspired you? You know, your favorite player?”

There it goes. They’re getting him to talk about himself. And for Ken, it’s hard to resist not talking about himself. Okay, whatever, just this once.

“Hideki Matsui.” Ken proudly answered, yet based on his teammates’ faces, they were disappointed with his answer. Ken worried for a split-second if he said something wrong. “What? He's always been a childhood favorite of mine. He's good, right?”

“Undoubtedly.” another teammate remarked. “Well, would you still idolize Matsui if you find out he’s not a good person nor a good parent?”

Ken’s brows crossed. “Matsui has a kid?”

“A daughter, particularly.” Fucile, the redhead answered with a wince like he knew this topic very well yet is distasteful. Ken only found out about it now. “The poor girl,” he added.

Yoshida nudged Fucile like he leaked classified information and that they’re not supposed to let Ken know about that, which only sparked Ken’s curiosity more. “How do you say he’s not a good parent?”

His teammates looked at each other like they fucked up, it can be read from their expression that they don’t know what to reply. Like there’s a certain information they’re trying to protect.

“Well… because he–uh…” Yoshida’s hands flew everywhere, finding the words to say and struggling to think of a way to explain it to him.

“Because he constantly pressures his daughter to perfection.” You casually butted in their conversation. They didn’t even notice you there!

The boys who started the gossip’s faces lost color and halted, just like a deer in headlights. The words ‘WE’RE FUCKED’ basically written on their foreheads. They’re that scared of you? Why? How does this topic concern you?

“We didn’t tell him anything else… He…”

You looked over to them, and twisted a corner of your lip slightly upward.

“Oh, I’ll tell him, then.”

“[L/N]–”

“He’s a part of the team, isn’t he?” you looked back at Sato. “It’s only proper he knows.” he looked directly at him, which he returned with the same intensity. 

The team was silenced. Ken’s eyes moved left and right without moving his head away from facing you, but it seemed that there really is no one who wants to talk about it. No one but you. So he faced your standing figure with his whole body this time while he was seated. He can’t help but observe how you’re talking to him right now, yet you still keep a lot of distance between you and him on purpose.

“Knows what?” He waited for you to start.

You sucked air through your nose before starting the narration while still keeping yourself composed. 

“He wasn’t always like that.” you began, but Ken still looked as puzzled as before. “Matsui used to be family-oriented. He loved playing baseball with his daughter on their lawn in their old house during his day-offs when he was still an active player in the Giants. He’d always make time. But then, when his wife died because of doing dangerous business in some organization, Matsui’s soul died with her.” 

You inhaled another breath to avoid showing emotion while continuing the part of the story that’s the hardest to tell. 

“Everything changed when his wife died. He became cranky and he started to despise everything he once loved. Including baseball. He blamed the death of his wife to his daughter, even the things that were out of her control. He detached from her and never showed any love for her after, only high, unrealistic expectations and the shame of having her as a daughter.”

He didn’t know his idol was this cruel to his own daughter. While Kenji was listening intently as he absorbed the information, your face senselessly looked gloomy, you guess no matter how you suppress it, it’s still stronger than you. You shook it off and continued.

“He regained his love for baseball, but he never mended the bond he had with his daughter again. Now, he’s living off of his lasting passion for baseball and supporting his former team, that's now ours. Yet even after his retirement, he’s being more irritable because his former team keeps getting a streak of losses. And for sure, he’s going to lash out on his daughter for that, again.”

Not even a second after you mouthed the last word, Shimura called you from the interview site. Just as when you were about to tell him one more important detail. Actually, two. But this calls for a different time, you guess. You coldly turned away and braced yourself for the worst of the interview questions. Some of the questions are from fans from social media. A wave of guilt struck Ken again, yet he didn’t tear his eyes away from your figure.

Because of the silence that followed the story you told, they heard the interview questions directed to you.

“[Y/N L/N], what will your father say about the streak of all the games you lost, especially with the way Matsui’s obsessed with keeping the Giants’ record flawless?” was only one among the questions simultaneously thrown by the interviewers eager to get your statement.

Ken’s eyes squinted. “Wait, what does Matsui have to do with her?” 

Yoshida and the other teammates looked at each other, hesitant to answer his question and elaborate.

“Sato, we’re going to hold your hand in our heads as we tell you this,” Fucile told him as an expression. “She told you the story anyway, now it’s up to us to tell you the context. The very Matsui’s daughter we’re talking about? That’s her, [Y/N].”

Ken’s jaw fell. “Matsui’s daughter? That Matsui?”

“Yeah. [Y/N L/N], Hideki Matsui's daughter. Doesn't really have a close relationship with her dad since her mom died. It’s not a secret but it’s also not something she parades. We’re surprised you don’t know, we really didn’t want to be the ones to tell you.”

“She’s Matsui’s daughter?!” Ken cannot control the utter shock he’s going through. First, upon finding out Matsui isn't a good parent and has a kid he wasn't aware of, and now, the kid is you?

“You gotta stop calling her that or she’ll beat your ass. She doesn’t like being associated with him. I think it’s because people think she’s where she is because of him just because they’re related.” Yoshida shh’ed Ken.

“Why did I never know of this?” Ken caressed the side of his brow. If they know this much about you, you must’ve been really a long time member of the Giants. Yet you’re still distant with your teammates, like he is. But it's notable how the teammates seemed to know about your family history, so it's possible to know more about you, after all.

“It's not mentioned frequently in the media anymore because it's like a taboo thing, we don’t know. She uses her mother's maiden last name as her last name and it’s also the one written on her jersey. But she's still Matsui by birth.”

Ken stole a glance of you while you were being interviewed. You were wearing the sharp gaze you naturally had while looking at the camera recorder.

He felt as if he had been living under a fucking rock.

—

You drummed the table with the pads of your fingers waiting for Aoshima’s call. He emailed you privately that there is an urgent matter he has to talk to you about. You were about to bring up your suspension and say “doesn’t suspension mean cut off from work, meaning even calls from work?” but you know he’d be pissed and you’d just set yourself up with an extension of your suspension.

After coming home for baseball practice, you washed yourself in a hot shower rinsing off the sweat and dirt that you accumulated and immediately got ready for this meeting. When the caller ID Capt Aoshima flashed on your computer, you de-hunched your back and sat up straight before clicking answer.

“Agent Saturnine, apologies for the sudden meeting at this late hour, but I have news for you.”

You fidgeted with your ballpoint pen while looking at the camera. “I’m listening.”

“I’m lifting your suspension off,” you gaped your mouth in surprise and waited for what he has to say next, “In exchange, I’m assigning you to a new mission.”

A new mission? What might it be?

Aoshima waited for your reply for him to proceed. You crossed your fingers on the computer table and leaned in with interest.

“Anything.”

“Your new mission is to know about Ultraman’s identity. Find who Ultraman is, behind the mask, and surrender him to the KDF.”

***

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