#but mike is afraid of that and i think it deserves to be shown that mike has more fears than just losing will

[wibble-wobbegong]

something i’d really like to see if mike gets vecna-ed and is being shown his worst fears is lucas rejecting him for his sexuality. mike looks to lucas more than any other character for how to act straightly, for approval in the way he’s acting. it’s most prevalent in s3.

he wants lucas to see him as “normal” and uses the way he acts as a guideline in s3. in s4, their conflict revolves around lucas trying to gain popularity and fit in more whereas mike can’t do the same due to his attachment to DND (will). in a way, mike is choosing to bring himself closer to will and it directly opposes lucas’ actions (in his mind). when lucas brings up wanting to not be made fun of by girls and not be bullied, mike seems dejected. dnd is very representative of mike’s connection to will and their relationship, so lucas distancing himself and seeking out more “normal” interests to get girls and avoid being bullied is probably showing mike that lucas would reject the way he feels about will. obviously, that isn’t true. it’s a fear of mike’s though, one that i think should be explored since lucas is so intrinsically tied to mike’s repression of his sexuality

[hepaidattention]

the thing I hated the most in s3 of obx was having to watch JJ, who has done literally nothing to the Carreras, get yelled at.

it was triggering for ME, I can't even imagine how it was for JJ to have someone in his face telling him all the shit his dad used to tell him before or after physically abusing him.

JJ, sweet precious boy, never did anything to deserve it. and yet, he gets constant ridicule and hate from so many people who are supposed to be loving and understanding and kind to him because he's just a teenager like leave the boy alone. give him some grace and maybe hear him out but no.

instead mike chose to get IN JJs face, unprovoked, to yell at him. JJ handled it like a champ, but that's because his whole life he was yelled at for doing absolutely nothing and he just had to take it. normally, a lot worse went down.

but his face, it's shows how triggering it is in that scene. JJs already a character who's been shown to shy away from conflict or any kind of problem really, and that's because of his upbringing. small arguments turn into fist fights.

it's the fact that JJ storms out that makes me so emotional because that's what he always had to do with his dad if he didn't want to her hurt that day. his natural instinct is to run because that's how he's learned to protect himself.

that's how JJ handles most situations, by running. we see that more than once in s3 with his conversations with Kie, or even his desire to stay on the island forever. JJ is definitely the flight type, but only for himself oddly enough. if conflict comes at him for a friend, he's going to fight head first, guns blazing. only for himself he's only fought back a few times, and those times ended with him almost going too far (shooting his dad, for instance).

JJ is afraid of himself and what he can do, but he's also so afraid of what others can do too, which is why seeing Mike yelling at him like JJ did something to even warrant it, made me so insanely angry. stop triggering the poor baby, and stop only proving his fears right.

this scene only proved to me that the Carreras really do think that JJ was the Pogue Kie slept with, because there's no way Mike would be yelling at Pope or John B like that.

seeing JJs face in this scene just broke my heart and yeah, it wasn't fair.

[spicybylerpolls]

i cant ignore all the lord's work he has done as the captain of the byler ship.

even if noah wasnt gay i think he would be fully invested in this pairing, i mean imagine being second to el (and millie when doing interviews) for YEARS because your love story is a spoiler? YEARS. for a kid actor? props to him man, this is big work to keep a secret.

and because this is spicy central after all, from what ive seen of him, he doesnt seem the kind to shy away from getting a little bit weird with it. like, wasnt there a pic of him eating a cracker from in between sadie's toes while she was in character in the hospital with a cast on for max? and there's countless videos of him eating food/expressing how much of an epicurean he is. like that cast game where they all blind put their hands into bowls of different stuff! he was loving on the shaving foam lol. thats someone who isnt afraid to dive in and enjoy the sensuality of the world.

i just think he would want will to have a proper love scene - after so many years, i think he would think will deserves it, and deserves for it to be shown on screen. it doesnt have to be Sexy with a capital S, but the scene should still exist and the whole storyline of attraction and shame get its due diligence. i think by being coy and omitting this kind of scene, the overall impression would be that his shame was correctly placed.

its like the duffers saying 'go will! embrace your gayness! but we dont wanna see that ew'

its not even about censorship or younger fans or offended people. thats just one small portion of fandom. young teen fans are welcome - i would have watched ST at your age too (and been attracted to mike and will for sure, they're good lookin lads) - but theyre not the main demographic that would tank the show if the duffers ended up offending them by making byler too explicit.

i dont think it's about what we fans 'want', in a good or bad context. i see a lot of mlvns saying 'why do you want mike to be a liar?' its not about what i want, it's about letting these characters have and do and be who they are meant to be. the writers are in service to these characters and the story. we viewers are just along for the ride.

These are all very good points! Not including some kind of scene, even if only implied, could send an unintentionally strange message... especially since they've already gone there with the straight couples.

Byler having sex would def be an antidote to shame.

Lol @ "go will! embrace your gayness! but we dont wanna see that ew!" It reminds me of the Byler meme where Mike rejects Will by saying, "I know I said crazy together, but not that crazy."

[prfctmxxnlight]

But if we believe the Twitter leaks that the first two episodes of Season 5 are likely set before the time jump and possibly already filmed I feel like they have planned something "controversial" for these episodes and were afraid that they would lose viewers for the final season. Because why would they make deliberately be the first part of Season 5 a bit disconnected from the rest?

And I feel like this "controversial" thing will likely be a Mileven break-up. They deserve to have a mature talk that is shown on-screen that happens close to the events of Season 4.

that is so interesting, honestly i don’t like to keep up with leaks because more often than not they’re not really true and they just end up disappointing people but i think you might be onto something

because i’ve been thinking since volume 2 came out that they filmed a lot of things that they didn’t end up using or idk footage got lost or something? because the stuff noah posted wasn’t on the show and idk the way the cast would talk about it made it seem like they filmed an entirely different show

it goes against my better judgment but i do hope you’re right, and i do hope that if when we get a mileven breakup, it’s on screen given the fact that they have tried to make them work since season 3 and have been going since the beginning of the show, it would only be fair for the characters and the audience to get that closure

this also makes me feel hopeful for byler, because if the first two episodes are really set before the time jump and they have something to do with the whole triangle thing, it really works out for the byler agenda bc idk, having will be in love with mike for two more years (of screen) while he is dating eleven seems cruel and not likely, so i hope this really is how it happens

i really didn’t know this so thanks for letting me know and also note that if this doesn’t happen i will hunt u down /j

[will80sbyers]

Yeah ppl HC Mike as having severe depression or extreme IH but that's not Mike bruh that's Will. Not saying Mike doesnt have any problems ofc but like. His characterization isnt that complex as people make out to be.

I agree, that's Will 😞

I think Mike is very complex too but yeah not that much, at least for what they have shown in the show and how I read it!

but in the end that's my opinion and I think that people can interpret the show differently and that's okay!!!

I'm just afraid of the possible repercussions if those headcanons are not what's happening in the show because I'm afraid some people that are bylers (not everyone!) will say that it means that Mike is an asshole and doesn't deserve Will and the show is badly written and stuff like that and I don't want Mike to get more hate :(

[smoosnoom]

moon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been sick the last couple of days but today i feel so much better . i don't think it's a coincidence that u posted today . like !!!!!! i just finished reading cleaving and i just. think it is the most beautiful thing in the world:( will deserves your writing. like . he deserves this love and warmth man:( this one hit really hard!! coming out has been difficult for me but overall it has shown me how much i'm loved when i have been doubting that a lot. and will is such an important character to me i really think he makes up so much of who i am and seeing him written by you so beautiful and loved and . yeah. anyways here are my fav parts ! i was a bit nervous to do this but i read that u like when people do this so i will too ! :

"-and Mike lingers next to Lucas and El like Will has never mattered to him, which is – fine, it's fine, Will just misses him like home, misses him like half his rib cage has been torn off, and he's fine, is the thing, he's fine, he just wishes it was back to the way it used to be, or that he had Mike again, but again is unfair, because Mike has never been Will's, will never be Will's, and it's stupid to even – 

Will looks away.

He hates how he is."

like o. okay o.hyogd. i lvoe the way u write will like ohmykgod okay . the "half his rib cage has been torn off but it's fine" is so. GODDD it's so will . okay . i love your writing so much .

sorry if this is very long btw .

"Will can’t complain, though, and especially not when he did it to himself, when he is the one seeking out solitude, always the outlier, the outsider in every sense of the word. He’s the one inhibiting a monster on his neck, the one with something ugly hiding in his heart, the one always too quiet, too weak, too – everything. He’s everything. He hates everything."

the way u write will . is so everything to me . it is like. that is my boy!!!! he is me i am him!! and it's so WILL like yeah sorry that is my boy i love the way you write him i will always always say that !!!

"Will frowns, a confused crease between his brows when he involuntarily turns to look at Mike. He looks a little pink on the cheeks, dark hair curling around his neck, and the ache to paint comes back like it always does."

"The confidence of it all, Will thinks, is from the surge of – rightness that comes when he’s around Mike, around his sincerity, how right he feels, like he’s a person worth looking at, like the parts that make him up aren’t just the absent-minded move of the universe. Mike makes him feel – right. Human. Like he fits, like he’s seen."

"He can’t reach up and rub at them, he knows he’ll cry. He can’t clear his voice, either, because then it’ll break, it’ll be so obvious, how he’s on the brink of falling apart, how much this matters to him, how bare he is, and Mike still hasn’t said anything.

Will’s always been too see-through, though, too readable, and most of all to Mike, because he tries to clear his throat, tries to look down at the ground, maybe so his tears aren’t so visible when they slip down his cheeks, and then Mike’s – 

– right beside him, suddenly, cutting through the distance so quickly, like something had shoved him out of a trance, and then he’s right there, right in front of him, arms sweeping him up in a hug like he’s done before, like he had stopped doing, like he’s doing right now, pressing him into his body. 

Will lets out a startled sob, and Mike’s hand finds itself splayed against his back, before moving up to his nape, against the back of his head, pushing him against the slope of shoulder and neck. “It’s okay,” Mike says, all soft, like he means it, like he believes it. “It’s okay, Will, don’t – you don’t have to worry.”"

"Will wants to ask about it. He almost wants to stop them both and ask if Mike’s sure he wants to hold hands with someone like him. 

But – he’d been insistent, had brought Will against his chest and wiped away his tears. Boys afraid of other boys liking them wouldn’t do such a thing. Mike’s been unrelenting."

"His chin is atop Will’s head, and Will can feel the rumble of his voice when he talks. “Don’t ever apologize, okay? Not – not for this.” He hears it when he swallows. “You don’t – I mean, you’ll always be my best friend. Nothing – nothing’s going to change that. Ever.” He tightens his hold onto Will. He’s quiet, but Will hears him loud and clear when he murmurs, “I love you.”"

i could really copy and paste the entire thing but i chose these cuz they r sososoos lovely and. idek how to explain i just . love everything about the way you write and yeah yeah sorry this isn't the best explanation haha i just. LOVE your writing and lvoed this so so much it. ohhgg okay goodbye<3

donnie i need u to know that in my state of Sickness and Not Health i was blushing twirling my hair over this because Thank You 😭😭 i hope u are feeling much better since when u sent this i know i am . very bad at replying to asks but pls know im always gushing over them 🫶🫶 u can consider "cleaving" to be a wish for ur wellbeing 🫡 anything for finn byersverse

"it has shown me how much im loved when ive been doubting that a lot" this is . the way this made me emotional oh im so glad to hear that 😭🫂 and knowing u like the way wills written by me . what if i sob what if iam in shambles .

i do like when ppl do this !!!!! feel free to do it whenever !!!!!!!!! also u mention being nervous or similar whenever u send asks and i hope u don't feel like that anymore 😭 i appreciate whatever u send :)

😭😭 THANKYOUOUU it is so crazy when ppl like the bits that i spend just a few seconds jotting down and going Yeah that seems right . like wow thank u

"i love the way u write him" on the floor in a puddle melting crying dying . bye No one is hearing from me ever again

me filing all these bits away to know which parts people like the most 🙂 i hope whatever i write next has u feeling this way again LOL u are always so kind to me !!!! thank u donnie byersverse my shining star 🫂🌟

[reikunrei]

sorry that I don’t shut up about this ever but I just really really love the way ST has shown the evolution of byler and mileven, especially in how it’s becoming more and more obvious how both of these duos work when centered around Mike.

like, with mileven, Mike puts El up on a pedestal. he has from s1 when he immediately fell in love with her and continued to fall in love with her even when they were apart. he built up this all-powerful image of her in his head prior to and during s2, and sees her surrounded by so much golden light that he feels inferior around her. he doesn’t want to feel that way, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that he does.

I even saw someone point out recently how whenever he talks about being afraid of losing her, it’s framed around himself. when El assures him, she makes sure it’s comforting to him, that he knows she’ll be okay so that he’ll be okay. Mike could turn it around to say “be careful. don’t get hurt” but it always turns into “I can’t lose you. if I do, then I’ll be the one who’s hurt.” so El understands what Mike needs to hear in order to feel comforted, but Mike doesn’t give that selflessness back to her. he’s so worried about his own self in comparison to her that he can only view her in relation to himself right now.

meanwhile, El also puts Mike up on a pedestal. she fell in love with him the moment the boys found her in the woods and he took her back to his house, got her a warm change of clothes, some food, and a (somewhat) comfortable place to sleep. she felt cared for immediately. she adored Mike for making her feel loved, but then… he doesn’t meet her expectations. he doesn’t say he loves her to her face, he doesn’t touch on the root of their problems, he doesn’t share his true feelings with her. so she’s realizing that if he can’t share his true feelings, then how can she? when she confronts him about it, he gets defensive. suddenly, she no longer feels all of that love that she so thought was there. he might say he cares about her like that, but she doesn’t really believe it anymore.

I feel like, for both of them, having this kind of dynamic where they view each other as these saviors while also being in their first relationship is a recipe for disaster, unfortunately. due to their strong feelings for one another, they thought a romantic relationship was the next step. if they feel this strongly about someone, it must be true love, right? sort of, I guess, but they’re so young right now. they’ve conflated these strong feelings with romantic love when, in reality, that’s not going to work long-term. if they keep hyping the other up while dropping themselves lower and lower, it’s all going to crumble.

and Mike is the main culprit of this. he’s put her so above himself while also tying his own worth so closely to her and how she feels about him that it’s completely hindering them both.

then we get to Will. Mike and Will have been best friends forever. you could argue that they each put each other on some sort of pedestal, but… not to the extent that Mike and El have. they adore and admire each other, but they view each other as equals. they’re friends, party members, teammates.

in the end, it was even Will that had to push Mike into telling El he loves her. and he does love her, just not how they all think. I think even El knows that. she doesn’t need the love to be romantic, she just needs to know that she is loved for who she is. Will makes sure Mike knows that everyone loves him for who he is, that he’s the heart, and only once his own insecurities have been quelled can he help the others with theirs.

I think that even if Mike begins to put Will up on a pedestal, if/when he starts to realize where his true feelings lie, Will won’t, in turn, put Mike up on a pedestal with him. Will seems like the kind of guy to remain grounded. he’ll step down off of that pedestal that Mike has erected and assure him that they’re equals, and Mike is just as deserving of love, and he doesn’t need to make himself inferior to make Will love him, and Will doesn’t need to hype Mike up. because Will already loves him for who he is!

Mike and El very obviously love each other, but it’s not in a romantic sense. I think they both think it is and they want it to be that, because they’re so young that they don’t know what else to do. Mike just accidentally set El up for failure because she didn’t have the life experience to know otherwise. and neither did he, really! he was just doing what he thought he was supposed to do, and what his feelings were telling him, and she was just along for the ride. she has so much trauma surrounding love and family that it’s not a surprise at all that she doesn’t fully understand her true feelings yet.

neither of them meant to hurt each other, but Mike has painted them into a corner. and I feel like Will will be the person to make it clear to both of them where their true feelings lie and keep them both grounded.

[fatechica]

“FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM FROM FROM.” millie always kills it, but damn she really had me in that scene

God she read him FOR FILTH with that. Like girl had receipts and didn't even hesitate! And honestly good for her!! She has a point - Mike claims that he loves her, but he's never! said! it! to! her!

And I get it - saying "I love you" to someone is scary even when you love someone and they know how you feel. It's a very vulnerable thing to say also even when you know the other person feels the same way (I know this is a thing because this is something I worked through when my husband and I were dating - I knew he loved me but I was scared of saying it. What if I was wrong or it didn't turn out fine in the end? Not rational, given how everything turned out, but when are emotions rational?)

And let's not forget that Mike has a lot of trauma surrounding El, about her getting taken away from him just when he thinks everything is going to be fine. I wouldn't be surprised he's convinced that if he finally actually tells her, everything will go to shit immediately after. Is this rational? No, but again, emotions aren't rational!

I also think there's an element of him needing to explain to her why he hasn't told her and that he's scared of telling her that he was scared to tell her because, look, he thinks of her as a hero and a hero deserves to be with someone who isn't a coward and if he tells her he was scared, he's admitting that he's not brave like she is.

But El has a point here. She's already told him she loves him - she wasn't afraid to say it - and she's heard him say it, so it's not unreasonable to expect that he should be able to actually say it to her. She's just asking him to meet her halfway and that's totally fair. Relationships take work and working together to build and maintain.

So there's a lot of complicated emotions in all of this and both sides are totally understandable. El is justifiably mad that Mike hasn't said "I love you". And Mike's fears are also valid. But I love that they're getting this out in the open! I think this scene is definitely my favorite of S4 because it's just so relatable and it reflects a level of maturity that they can start to talk about this (even if they couldn't finish their conversation) without it devolving into teenage drama.

Because this isn't teenage drama - this is adult drama. This is the kind of thing real life couples deal with all the time. So I love that they're getting this arc; it shows me that the Duffers likely think Mike and El are in this for the long haul. Could they decide in Vol 2 that they don't want to be together because it's too hard? Yeah, but I don't think they're going to. Mike and El have shown that they're loyal to each other and that they care for each other so much. I don't see them throwing it away.

(also, anon, yes Millie KILLED IT in that scene. Holy shit just give this girl an Emmy please. She deserves it.)

[white-knight]

Vecna’s Curse and Will Byers: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I stg I really hope I’m not right about this but I’m putting it out there because maybe I’m just reading too much into it...

We know that people appear to only be able to escape Vecna’s curse with the help of music. For Victor Creel it was “Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Ella Fitzgerald, and for Max it was “Running Up that Hill” by Kate Bush.

A song we’ve been hearing since literally the second episode of season one is “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by the Clash. We know that Noah Schnapp had to be rigged up on the harness that they use to do the levitation scenes with Vecna’s curse, and there have been images of him carrying a Walkman in his pocket. This song may have played into how Will managed to hide from the Demogorgon for so long while in the upside down in season 1.

I’m also certain that Will is gay (it’s been hinted at since the first season as well, with the names people called him in Hawkins) and that he’s going to come out to Mike (who is very certainly the object of his affections). This scene is going to be a tear-jerker and is very likely going to somehow involve Will’s painting or Vecna’s curse, or both.

The fear that I have concerns the way Vecna speaks to his victims. It’s very reminiscent of suicidal ideation. As someone who’s struggled with suicidal thoughts from a very young age, watching Max run out of the upside down to her friends hit me SO HARD. Vecna appears to grab hold of negative emotion, namely guilt (Fred’s guilt over the car crash, Max’s guilt over her relief that Billy is dead and unable to hurt her anymore, Nancy’s guilt over Barb’s death) and I’m certain that Will is going to be a huge target. Boy is traumatised, your honour.

Max’s general arc this season is reminiscent of depression, and her thoughts of El and Lucas and the party suggest that the song helped her feel needed and wanted and loved in her life, and gave her the strength to attack Vecna and escape. Will is clearly traumatised by the things that have befallen him as well, and appears to be struggling with issues of his own. 

I’m so terrified that Mike is going to rebuff Will’s admission of his feelings, and Will is going to spiral downwards. I’m seeing most of Finn Wolfhard’s acting choices and such as a conscious effort to make Mike seem like he’s struggling with his own sexuality but I’m scared that the Duffer brothers won’t go through with that storyline and Will will continue to just be miserable. He deserves more than that.

While Mike and Will having a beautiful moment where Mike admits his feelings too and there’s gay rainbows everywhere would be so wonderful, I’m seeing my theory also make sense narratively. It’s been said that Will’s saddest moment is in vol. 2. I’m really afraid that Vecna is going to snatch Will after Mike rejects him, and the song won’t be enough.

“Should I Stay or Should I Go?” is exactly the sort of thing that would be going through Will’s mind in that situation. And by admitting he’s gay and in love with Mike, he just alienated not only his crush but his best friend. Those memories of him with the party and El could be tainted from his point of view because he just ruined those relationships. And maybe he would decide to let Vecna have him, not because he’s a bad person, but because he’s tired of feeling so hopeless. Chrissy and Patrick managed to encounter Vecna several times before they were taken by him, but Fred walked right into him and only feebly put up a fight. There’s something to that struggle, a choice to fight or believe that Vecna is right, you are a bad person. (He’s absolutely projecting onto people and it gives me the chills he’s the worst.)

It would take Mike admitting that he’s also not straight, that he’s been grappling with these same kinds of feelings for a while now. That compassion and empathy that Mike has shown again and again for Will when no one is looking is what will ultimately have to bring him back, not just Jonathan’s song. I do think that Will is gay, and I think Mike is AT LEAST questioning where he stands and recognizing that his relationship with El is just kind of... weird.

I really hope that Will is able to beat Vecna’s curse when he gets cursed (because it’s almost certain he will) and he gets to have a happy ending of sorts. Maybe not all wish-fulfillment, but he finally gets to have a good day damn.

tldr; Duffer brothers please don’t kill Will Byers he deserves better (also if you touch Eddie I stg)

[volgdemagischewinx]

love the talks about bloom and avalon! on the note of feeling guilty, do you think bloom would feel guilty for not noticing? personally, i feel like she would have a lot of "i should've known. i should've realized. why did i let him take advantage of me?" kind of feelings. kind of like victim blaming herself :( and i think that would carry on to the others because bloom might express that and obviously they'd say no, it's not like that, but then they would feel worse because they should've known. and then it's just a cycle of all of them feeling guilty for what happened. honestly, i think even sky would feel guilty too, considering he immediately assumed that bloom liked avalon and didn't even consider that (fake) avalon was being a giant creep. but honestly, i think bloom might even avoid trying to figure out her past and family for a while.. :( like.. feeling so guilty that it could end up being a trigger for her :( (I FEEL SO BAD FOR THEM 😭)

Oh, she absolutely would! This is the same girl who blamed herself for "letting" the Trix take her powers in s1. She will find a way to make things her fault no matter what, and in this situation that would go extra hard because it involved someone manipulating her. She'd beat herself up not just over the fact that she put herself in a position where he could kidnap her, but also for confiding in him and letting him know she knew where to codex was(seriously we do not talk enough about how Bloom, who canonically hates lying, was forced to keep that secret for all of s2). She'd also be hard on herself for the Dark!Bloom thing itself even though she had no control over her actions there she still hurt her friends. No way would that not eat at her too

The way I see it going is that Bloom would be so focused on blaming herself for what happened, that she wouldn't even let herself process what was actually done to her? Like she only looks at the situation as her trusting the wrong person like a dumbass which lead to her being brainwashed into hurting her friends. She'd skip over the fact that she was kidnapped and held captive by Darkar entirely even though that alone would have been traumatizing as hell

agreed about the cycle of guilt thing too. I think Bloom would actively avoid talking about it to her friends beyond maybe trying to apologize both because she can tell it makes them feel bad and because she refuses to acknowledge herself as being the victim in that situation, and thus wouldn't think she should be comforted about it. But Bloom wears her heart on her sleeve so everyone still knows she's fucked up, and they're all mad at themselves over it to varying degrees, so it's just this endless spiral of guilt for everyone

I think with Sky it could go both ways. My interpretation of him is that his first response typically is to deflect guilt even in a situation where he is responsible(which he isn't in this one for the record, I may not like the guy but this was not on him) so it's hard to really picture him holding himself accountable here, but on the other hand since this is 2 seasons in it could actually be really interesting for his character development if he did, and it caused him to be more critical of his own behavior in general

Also yes my personal HC is that if Valtor hadn't showed up Bloom would have stepped away from figuring out her history for a while. Like you said it'd be a trigger for her, and she'd be afraid of it leading to more trouble. Also another underdeveloped Bloom s2 subplot is that she was already shown to feel guilty about her search because she was afraid it would hurt Mike and Vanessa! I feel like she'd take it blowing up in her face as a sign that she was right to feel bad, and that she got what she deserved for doing it anyway

[louca06]

Responses - MJ (Part 3)

On the 28th of November, after fans had begged for MJ to write her OWN apology in the previous day, she went ahead released her statement. The apology was mostly the same as Serena's with few new phrases added.

Here she claims that all of the bigoted comments that she and Serena had said were never "malicious".

Here we have the artist Lawrichai, which MJ nor Serena never addressed or apologized to. Is calling the artist, Lawrichai, who they bullied for her looks and age "Cooch lady", a "bitch" and "SJW hoe" not malicious?

Going on to then bully her looks and call her names? To which both MJ and Serena have never addressed the situation nor apologized to Lawrichai. Is "This b*sh had to be german" "only germans produce such ugliness" not malicious?

Is stalking and breaching the privacy of a co-worker to then keep files on them, not malicious? "Why do you think Sun is afraid of me?" why would anyone need to be afraid if your intents were never malicious?

Is saying "this is straight up mental r********** even the autistic kids would pity her" not malicious? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Clearly not.

Is wanting to record Gen without consent, not malicious? "She does not deserve my morals" is this not malicious intent?

Is calling her a "BBQ becky" not malicious? And then claiming her to a racist, when she has never shown to be, and without any proof to back it up, not malicious?

"Raf smh the mushrooms must have fried his brain too" is that not malicious?

Is calling OceanBlue a "gold digging murderer" not malicious? Calling her "Ted bundy"? Especially against an alleged a 16 year old, if we go off the claim that it is not MJ herself.

Is saying "olivier as an america: get my gun lets kill them" and "HE WOULD LOL", not malicious? What was the intent then? To be positive?

Is saying "a lot of lesbians here look like thev" about a transgender man, not malicious? Basically saying that a transgender man looks like a female German lesbian.

MJ even points out what she says is "bashing". She knows her own intent here is to be malicious, yet in her apology claims it isn't?

Is "these european trans men are something", "what kind of hormones do these trans men get in europe", "bet it was Dr mike", not malicious?

Is "at least I have one", "I will learn to respect you once you have a 22cm" not with malicious intent? MJ never addressed the transphobia, and maliciousness of her own boyfriend's bigotry, and neither did Sun himself.

I could go on forever here, but I will cut it short. MJ and Serena really make a fool out of everyone by lying that anything they had to say, never had any malicious intent when so much of the bigotry and comments, clearly did.

Then she moves on to the doxxing and privacy breach allegations, to which she says she "lacked maturity a year ago". A year ago she was 23 years old, and a fully grown woman. It is quite shocking a 24 year old had to be called out on bullying to see that it is wrong.

Claims she never released information about Gen that wasn't given out by Gen herself, yet in messages, it was clearly shown that Serena and MJ dug purposefully for information which they then shared to themselves and others.

"I did some googling", "I spend a lot of time finding outside of DG servers". So what happened to only using information that Gen shared in spaces present with you?

If you never needed information other than what Gen herself gave out, why did you go googling and searching stuff about her? So far as finding her personal pictures and stuff about her family?

Apologizes to her in public, but never bothers to give a genuine apology in private. We can see here that this is clearly all for show.

Again, to repeat myself from previous tweets, many people lash out when angry or frustrated, but if they are good people, they don't immediately turn to transphobia, pedophilic jokes and bullying when they are mad or lashing out.

Why is this your first course of action when you are mad at someone? To start saying bigotry to go straight to disturbing jokes or comments when you are "lashing out emotionally"?

This shows that there is a problem here to begin with that is not to do with Thev, OceanBlue or anyone else.

Here she claims that she had Pinkie's profile picture on her desktop to revere google search it and find Pinkie.

Even if this was the truth, it would be impossible to find her as the profile picture is Jennie from Blackpink who is extremely famous and has thousands of the same picture online, with thousands of accounts. 

You also do not need to save a picture to your computer to reverse image search. This seems like a lot of hassle and inconvenience for someone wanting to find Pinkie, making the process harder for herself.

Again, if Sonia was truly a real person and "accidentally" got the roles of a staff, how would she know how to do mod commands and purge when her account only existed for around a month at that time? We save from the logs, that she was purging at the same time as Serena and MJ.

To be able to purge in the first place, she would've had to write in the chats, to where MJ and Serena would've seen. She may have had to even write in the same chats as them. So this means that Sonia would've been seen doing this.

Sonia also appeared constantly at the side of the mod chat, showing she was online, and had access. This was only noticed and called out, when a new mod had just joined and seen it.

The new mod had just joined and already saw Sonia, so how did nobody else ever see Sonia appear at the side of the staff chats? If it was also MJ's mistake, why did she not alert the mod chat about the situation or warned them?

Almost as if everyone knew about Sonia's existence already. MJ never even addressed Sonia until the new mod called it out, and no other staff made a comment about it.

Again, if she is not these alts, why did she not address all of these users having a German Macbook (which she herself owns) while supposedly being from different-speaking countries. When fans brought this question up during chats, they were ignored.

Again, giving a public apology to these people for show, but no genuine apology in private. If Serena and MJ were truly sorry for all the things they had done, their first thoughts and actions would be to go and privately apologize to all the people they had hurt and affected.

Here she claims her review was not fake. The reason the review is fake, not because of what MJ wrote that she felt about Sweet Elite, but because she LIED that she was not affiliated with Dulcet, and pretended to be a random, disconnected fan, which she was not.

Here she even admits herself that she pretended to be someone else and used an alias because she was affiliated with the company. So in turn, she admits she lied in the review, and tricked people. She then later fully admits she lied.

When confronted, Serena mentioned that her review of Black Tarot was not taken down because writing the review itself was a problem, but because the words she wrote in the review were not great.

So if Serena says that being affiliated with Dulcet and leaving a review about a game from Dulcet, is all okay, why didn't MJ just do that instead of lying and pretending?

She could've just left a review as MJ herself, or instead made a genuine review and just sent it to Serena in private.

If there was an "anxiety about bias" why did she leave the review in the first place? Serena also says "isn't it a good thing she wanted to separate her CM account and her fan one?" when those two things can never be separated. They are the same person.

To repeat again, it isn't a good thing, because she lied about who she was in that review in order to make people believe something that isn't real.

Serena and MJ both always mention "out of context" and "snippets" pretending that things are taken out of context, when in most cases, context is not even needed to see that their actions are horrible. Most of the messages are worse WITH context, to which I have shown before.

I never claimed that anyone is a monster or used this word, this is MJ's own words about herself. I also never used "snippets" to paint her as a monster. I used messages which she herself typed and then decided to send, and then called them out.

If she thinks these make her a "monster" then she agrees that they must be malicious and disgusting. If so, why use excuses and lies to justify them?

At the end of her statement, she claims that she is not "the person she was 1 year ago", again using a distancing tactic, but also, lying.

If she is nothing like the person 1 year ago, why then in this year, of 2021, did she make jokes about N*zis and W*rsaw Gh*tto? Why she and Serena rude and condescending to fans?

Why when only 4 months ago, this was brought up to them by fans, they again replied condescendingly and then justified their terrible actions with excuses? Guilt-tripping the fans who brought up the concerns and trying to make them feel bad for criticizing their actions.

These are not only "1 year ago", "4 months ago" offenses. Every year since the release of Sweet Elite in 2018, there has consistently been serious problems or drama related with Dulcet. Which spans from problems with staff, management, to fans and inappropriate actions.

The Dulcet staff members have a tendency to reply to only fans who support/defend them, and ignore people who call them out or show proof against their lies. This shows the clear bias, and shows they are not interested in taking true accountability.

[immortalled]

On today's episode of "Spark Puts On Her Clown Nose and Overanalyzes Misfits":

It's no secret that Nathan doesn't view himself as a good person. This doesn't always bother him, he rather likes being "the rebel", but it hurts him in the context of family.

On his Twitter, he says that one of the things he wants to do before he's thirty is make his mum proud and "make up for all the badness" he's done (keep in mind, Nathan is only 20 as he Tweets this) and I think it's incredibly sad that he feels he needs to make up for "badness" he's done as a literal child in a neglectful household.

When he finds that the radio he broke was actually Louise's and not Jeremy's, he tries to defend himself and say he'll buy her another because "that's what sons do for their mothers". He repeats the same defence in season 2 when he feels his ability to teach Jamie anything as an older brother is questioned; no, he can't, but he'll learn to "because that's what brothers do for each other".

Nathan has a very set idea of family roles and what they should be. Fathers are supposed to be around for their sons and provide for everyone. Sons, similarly to fathers, are supposed to care for and protect their mothers, and older siblings should be a guide and protector (almost second father figure?) to their younger siblings. It's interesting to me that Nathan, in Mike's absence, seems to try to fill the father role for Louise and Jamie, and whenever Nathan fails or feels he fails in these areas, he blames himself and tries to find a way to defend his "shortcoming".

Nathan does not care if he's a good person, but he cares a lot about whether or not he's a good son or a good brother. He cares what his family thinks of him and maybe that isn't enough to stop his reckless behavior or to change who he is (Nathan is never going to be anyone but himself), but it is enough to make him feel as though he is "bad". "Bad" for a lot of things he does because he doesn't know how else to tell anyone he's hurting or he's afraid.

I think this is loosely shown, too, when Kelly rejects him and he tells her he can "change". It breaks my heart. Nathan is a kid who believes that if someone doesn't love him—romantic or familial—then it must be because of him and that he needs to be fixed or change in order to be worthy, to be "good".

Nathan is unapologetically himself and wildly alive and confident... But he's also a lot more insecure and has a lot less self-worth than I think he lets on. He can swing from feeling like he's The Shit™ who stands on top of the world, to wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with him that makes him a failure.

Anyway. That's just what's in my head today about Nathan and I love him and all his contradictions and family issues. It's sad, though, and he deserved more.

[paradoxicalpatton]

I’m Not in Love

Title: I’m Not in Love Summary:  "He had even begun regretting his choice of room, the familiar pattern on the aging wallpaper a sore reminder of the day Havers informed him he was leaving. His once office, now transformed into a lavish cell, trapping him with nothing but the harrowing silence and his thoughts." The Captain is reminded of a lost love from his past. It's just a coincidence that Pat is always there to support him. Pairings: Patcap (The Captain/Pat) Content Warnings: Very mild period typical internalised homophobia Chapter: 1 Word Count: 1426 Read on: Archive of Our Own Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Button house was quiet. Alison and Mike had retired to their bedroom hours ago with most of the Ghosts following suit. The thunderstorm from earlier that day had finally calmed down late that evening, the smell of rain mixing with the scent of freshly cut grass from the day before.

Button house was quiet. The wind had come to a complete halt, letting the branches on the trees and bushes rest for the night before the storm returned the next morning. The native animals that lived on the grounds had taken refuge days ago and shown no signs of returning any time soon. The grandfather clock that lived in the hallway lay silent, the mechanism had broken that morning and neither Alison nor Mike could figure out how to fix it.

Button house was quiet.

To the other residents of the house, this silence was considered almost unbearable. Of course, they weren’t aware of the deafening quiet as they lay to rest on this particular night. To the others, the lack of noise completely was the Captain’s dream. More often than not would he complain about the terrible racket Alison and Mike caused with their never-ending renovations to the building. The Ghosts of the house had also become familiar with the Captain’s complaints over the years, with the military man constantly reprimanding them for the incessant noise from their continuous arguing. And they were right, the Captain adored peace and quiet.

Button house was quiet.

But never like this. This silence was horrific. This was the kind of quiet that unveiled your darkest secrets, your worst fears. It was the kind of quiet that could ruin you with ‘what if’s’ and ‘could have been’s’. The kind of quiet where there was no one but you, reminding you how alone you are, and how alone you will forever be.

“I’m afraid I’m leaving you, Sir. At 1800 hours this evening.”

This was the type of quiet that could destroy a person with a single thought.

-------------------

Moonlight shone through translucent white curtains, casting a soft glow onto the double poster bed where the Captain lay still. Small droplets of rain cling to the glass on the window of the room, the water and light mixing to create delicate rainbows on the dark wooden floor.

Quiet nights like these never came often, but when they did, the Captain was filled with nothing but dread. These nights filled his mind with thoughts he'd rather forget. Thoughts and memories that had plagued him for decades.

It had been years since he died, and although whatever feelings the Captain may have had for a particular Lieutenant had faded, the guilt was forever hanging over his head. He had pledged himself to his King and Country and betrayed them by falling for another man. For most of his life, the Captain had been filled with regret for many things. But as he lay awake, trying to find a single sound in an ocean of silence, he could only regret never telling Havers how he felt.

The memory of Havers stepping past the gates of Button house played on a loop through his mind. The more the memory played, the more regret he felt for not stopping him. The more regret, the more guilt.

He had even begun regretting his choice of room, the familiar pattern on the aging wallpaper a sore reminder of the day Havers informed him he was leaving. His once office, now transformed into a lavish cell, trapping him with nothing but the harrowing silence and his thoughts.

The Captain's joints ceased as these thoughts ran through his head, keeping him in place on the bed to suffer through feelings he'd do anything to be rid of. His mind had turned into a battlefield, a battle between forbidden affection and excruciating silence. He could only hope the lesser of the two evils would win. The Captain just wasn't quite sure which one he'd rather.

Fortunately for him, neither won. Instead, a soft "Knock knock" cut through the Captain's thoughts.

"Cap? Are you awake?"

"Pat, is that you?"

The Captain attempted to sit up and look at the Ghost standing by his door, but his joints were still stiff from moments beforehand.

"Yeah, I couldn't- oh, let me give you a hand Cap."

Pat made his way around the bed to where the Captain lay and carefully pulled him up so he was sat by the headboard, against his tired protests.

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing Patrick? I’m perfectly capable of sitting up without your help!”

“You’re welcome.”

The Captain disliked many things about the people he lived with in Button house. The thing on the top of his list for Pat was how kind he was. It was a huge feat for anyone to make Pat mad, let alone slightly annoyed or irritated. He had more patience than everyone combined, and he definitely had more patience for the Captain than older ghost thought he deserved.

“Do you mind if I sit?”

“Hmm? No, not at all.”

Pat shot a quick smile toward the Captain before walking back around to the empty side of the bed and sat down, mirroring the Captain’s position.

The two of them sat like that for what felt like hours to the Captain, although it had only been mere minutes since the other man had joined him. As they stared out the window opposite the bed, the Captain focused on the silence that had filled the room once more. It was different this time. This time it didn’t feel as if he were drowning, he felt like he could breathe freely if he had the organs to do so. The room wasn’t so empty now, instead, Pat’s presence filled all the vacant spaces.

As much as the Captain may dislike how kind Pat is, it also happened to be one of his favourite things about him. He could always tell how everyone around him was feeling and knew just what to do when one of them was upset or annoyed. In the Captain’s case, quietly sitting near him was more than enough to ease his thoughts. The Captain didn’t like to admit it, but he’d always enjoyed Pat’s company. And, as selfish as it sounds, he’d do anything to keep him with the other Ghosts at Button house.

His heart couldn’t take losing another one.

“-Cap?”

“What?”

“I asked if you were listening to me. If I’m a bother I can go back to my room.”

“No! Uh- I mean, no. Not a bother at all. What were you talking about?”

“Lunar rainbows! The scouts used to call them moonbows. They’re just like regular rainbows, but instead of sunlight and rain, they’re made from moonlight and rain. It’s very faint and looks almost completely white, but if you look at the ground now carefully you can see some!”

The Captain felt a small smile grace his lips as he listened to Pat speak about the moonbows. His whole face had lit up with joy at the chance to teach the Captain something new, it reminded him so much of his time as a scout leader. The Captain knew he was in dangerous territory right now. But listening to the soft sound of Pat’s voice, he decided that he could deal with any dangerous thoughts in the morning. For now, he would sleep.

Closing his eyes, the Captain gathered all the confidence he had before slowly laying his head onto Pat’s shoulder. The shorter man froze at the touch, causing the Captain to regret the move. He was about to lift his head back up and apologise when a quiet voice stopped him.

“Uh, Cap? What are you- oh. Sleep well.”

The Captain felt Pat shuffle ever so carefully, and a light weight fall gently on top of his head. After a few minutes had passed, the Captain finally felt himself drifting off to sleep, both him and Pat using each other as a pillow. He had almost dozed off completely when he felt something poke the side of his little finger. Pat gently slipped his own little finger around the Captain’s and squeezed it lightly, giving the Captain the confidence once more to squeeze back before quietly whispering to the man next to him.

“Thank you…”

“For what?”

“Helping me sit up earlier, I appreciate it.”

“I know, Cap.”

The two of them smiled and squeezed each other fingers once more before finally falling asleep for the night.

Button house was quiet.

[carolina-bleus]

The Very First...Vignettes (Part II)- Carolina-Bleus

Part I

First Disagreement...First I Love You

“Who’s Mike?”

Michonne looked up to see Rick holding her tablet. “What?”

“Mike. A message from him popped up on your tablet as I was bringing it out here. The preview said ‘Michonne, I miss you and I want to see you.’ I’m trying real hard not to jump to conclusions but...”

Michonne wasn’t going to lie to Rick.

“He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

Rick nodded slowly. He had figured as much, but it was still a punch to the gut to have it confirmed. “How recent of an ex?”

“My most recent.”

“Does that make me the rebound?”

“What?! No! Mike and I were over long before you and I ever even met.”

“Who ended things? You or him?”

“He moved overseas and was gone for six months. Then he met someone new and—”

“So he ended it,” Rick interrupted.

“No, being gone six months weakened an already floundering relationship. Him meeting someone just sped up the inevitable.”

“Okay, if he found someone new and you’ve been over for months, why is he texting you now?”

He should be a detective with all of these questions. “Mike came back home and he wanted to meet and talk.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, Rick,” Michonne huffed. “Why don’t you text him back and see?”

“Why are you getting an attitude with me?  I’m not the one texting an ex behind your back.”

“I’m not texting him behind your back!”

“How am I supposed to know that? I wouldn’t have even known he was texting you if I hadn’t asked me to grab your tablet.”

“Rick, you have the password to my tablet, just like I have the password to yours. If I was trying to keep this such a big secret, I wouldn’t have given you access to a device that’s linked to my phone and receives all of my messages!”

“First of all, you know I wouldn’t invade your privacy and go into your messages. Second, why didn’t you just tell me he was texting you?”

“This...” Michonne motioned between her and Rick “This right here is why I didn’t tell you. I knew it would cause problems where it really shouldn’t.”

“Well, that plan didn’t work out too well.” Rick started gathering his things.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home.”

“Are you serious right now?! You’re overacting without even knowing the whole story.”

“Don’t do that Michonne! Don’t diminish what I’m feeling. What if the roles were reversed and I was texting my ex-fiancée behind your back?”

“Rick, that is not even remotely the same and you know that. I was never engaged to Mike.”

“How would I know that since this is the first I’m even hearing about Mike’s existence? I thought we didn’t keep secrets, Michonne.”

“We don’t.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about Mike?”

“Because he’s in my past.”

“Is he? That text message says something different.”

Michonne shook her head as tears sprang to her eyes. “You are being really unfair right now. You’re building this whole scenario in your head without even letting my explain.”

“I just need to go get some air right now.”

“Are you coming back?” Michonne asked softly.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea tonight.” Rick bent down and placed a kiss on Michonne’s cheek. “I’m not angry with you. I’m just...”

“Just what?”

Afraid.  “Nothing. I’ll talk to you later.”

***

If Michonne didn’t tell me about this guy, then she must still have some kind of feelings for him. Or is Michonne right and I’m overreacting? I mean if she was really trying to hide something, she wouldn’t have given me such easy access to her phone and tablet. But, still, why is he still texting her? And why is he telling her that he misses her and wants to see her? How long have they been in contact?

Rick sighed as thoughts ran rampant in his head. It had been a couple of hours since he’d left Michonne’s and he hadn’t thought about much else. His thoughts were going in circles at this point; the same questions coming up again and again with no answers. “I should have stayed and talked it out with her instead of acting like a jealous ass.”

Rick’s phone suddenly dinged with a notification. He picked it up and saw a message from Michonne. He was actually afraid to open in, not knowing what he’d find.

“Whatever she says, I deserve it.” Taking a calming breath, Rick opened the text and found screenshots of text messages between Michonne and Mike. His heart racing, Rick began to read.

“Mike, after six months of no communication and nearly a year of miscommunication before that, I thought I would never hear from you again. Honestly, I was completely okay with that prospect. But I realized that by not answering, I was allowing you to assign your own meaning to my silence...allowing you take it to mean more than it really does. I’m answering you now because I don’t want there to be any confusion or misunderstanding about where we stand and how I feel about you. I’m not angry anymore. I’m not hurt anymore. I’ve moved on with my life.

These past six months have shown me I can live without you. I can be happy without you. I can be me without you. I am better without you. I needed the distance, the separation, and the silence to gain clarity and see what we both should have a long time ago...we don’t work as anything more than friends. We were amazing friends and that’s what we should have remained.  But because we had so much in common, we forced our connection beyond where it was meant to go and now we can never go back to what we were only meant to be...friends.

But this really isn’t about what you and I were, it’s about what me and someone else are becoming, what we could be. I’ve met an amazing man. We are so different in so many ways, but it works for us. I am happy with him. I can be myself with him. I am better with him. And, though he’s only been in my life a short while, I already can’t fathom not having him in it. This man and I are building something. It’s something honest and pure and fun and natural...something unforced.  I can’t wait to see where it goes. But I before I can move forward with him and the future we’re building, I have to leave you and our relationship in the past where it belongs. I can’t and won’t risk what could be with my guy over what was never going to be with you.

Just as I did when you moved on, please respect me and my relationship enough to stop trying to contact me.

I wish you well.  

Rick looked at the date and time the message was sent. It was morning after their first date.

She must have sent this after we met at the café that morning.

Rick began to read the text message after that. The one Mike sent today.

“Michonne, I miss you and I want to see you, but I understand why that can’t happen. I was hurt when I read your message. I couldn’t...or wouldn’t...accept what you were saying. I tried to explain it away as being anger, hurt, or revenge on your part. But now I know it was none of those things. It was simply the truth.

I saw you out one day last week. I was walking by this café downtown and I happened to look in and see you sitting at a booth. I took this as a sign that I should go in and talk to you and lay all my cards on the table. But then a man walked past me into the café and towards you. The expression on your face when you stood up to greet him left me devastated. I was devastated that you never looked at me like that during our entire relationship...with love shining in your eyes. I stood outside that café longer than I should, but I wanted to be sure your guy felt the same way (whether I wanted that assurance for you or myself, I don’t know).  When he sat across from you, I knew. He looked at you like you were his entire world. I am ashamed, but man enough, to admit that I know I never looked at you that way. But I am happy that you have the love you’ve always deserved.

I’m sorry for not following your request to not contact you. I do respect you and your relationship. And I am in full support of both. You deserve all the happiness in the world and it looks like you have found that.  

Michonne, I am truly sorry for hurting you. I hope that one day we can be friends again because I really do miss you as my friend.

Rick tossed his phone on the bed and closed his eyes. “I’m a fucking idiot.” His eyes popped open as he quickly sat up. “I gotta go see Michonne and apologize and hope she doesn’t slam the door in my face.”

***

Michonne let Rick into her apartment without a word.

The couple stared at each other, each gathering their thoughts and their courage before speaking.

“I’m sorry.” They said simultaneously.

“Michonne, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m the one in the wrong here. I should have trusted you...trusted us.”

“I should have never given you a reason to doubt me or us. I should have told you about Mike and the messages.”

“You see how well I reacted when you did tell me. So maybe you made the right call.”

“No, I didn’t. We made a vow to tell each other everything and I didn’t do that.”

Rick sighed. “But I didn’t tell you everything either.”

“What didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t tell you why I was so upset. Like I said earlier, I wasn’t angry. I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of losing you, of losing what we have.” Rick took Michonne’s hand and walked her over to sit on the couch.

“Michonne, these past six months with you have been the best of my life. They’ve almost felt too good to be true. Ever since our first date three months ago, I’ve been feeling like I’m in a dream. And every minute I’m afraid someone is going to wake me up and I’ll discover that none of this was real or you will suddenly realize you can do better and leave.”

“First of all, this is real, Rick. I’m real...we’re real. I’m in this and I don’t plan on going anywhere. Second, there is no one who is better for me than you.” Michonne caressed Rick’s face. “If this is going to work, you have to trust what we have.”

“I do trust what we have.  This was about me not trusting myself and being afraid of what I was feeling...how soon I was feeling it. But after reading what you wrote to Mike about us, I’m not afraid anymore. I trust us and what we have, Michonne. And I trust you. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my heart. And I trust you with my love. I love you, Michonne. I have for a while now.”

Michonne’s face immediately broke into a joyous smile. “I love you, too, Rick.”

Rick kissed Michonne slowly before pulling away with a rueful laugh. “I waited so long to tell you that because I was so scared of what you would say. I’ve told you ‘I love you’ a thousand times over in my head...every time we met up and every time we parted and all the space in between. It feels good to finally say it out loud and even better to hear you say it back.”

“Well, you better love hearing it, because you’re going to hear it from me every day.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

Rick nodded and the couple sealed their promise with a kiss.

 ***

First Trip

Michonne snuggled deeper into Rick’s embrace with a contented sigh.

“I’m so glad we decided to come here.”

Rick leaned forward and kissed Michonne’s bare shoulder. “Me, too. But you sure you’re not missing the beach?”

“Not at all. The beach would have been way too crowded. It’s so beautiful and peaceful here. This is exactly what I needed...along with you.”

Michonne’s private law practice had grown immensely in the past six months with new clients and personnel. On the one hand, she was ecstatic but, on the other hand, she was exhausted. She hadn’t taken a real vacation in the near year she and Rick had been dating. Beyond day trips on the weekend to special events or to visit family and friends, Michonne hadn’t felt comfortable being away from her firm for an extended period of time. She knew the first year was crucial to the success of any business. But now that she had successfully made it to year two with no signs of slowing down, Rick knew it was time for Michonne to take a break and time some time for herself. So he surprised her with a trip to the mountains as an early one-year anniversary present.

“I still can’t believe you were in cahoots with Rachel and Tonya planning all of this.”

Rick worked with Michonne’s assistant and law associate to make sure her vacation leave was secured with the courts and that her calendar was clear of all obligations for an entire week.

“I knew I couldn’t leave any detail undone if I wanted you to actually relax on this trip.”

“You know me well. And you did such a great job planning everything, that I’m leaving all of our future vacation planning up to you. You’re pretty damn good at it. I’d even let you plan our honeymoon.”

“Honeymoon? So you want to get married?” Rick asked slowly.

“Well...yeah eventually.” Michonne turned her head towards Rick. “Don’t you?”

“Do I? Babe, I knew you were it for me you before our first date was over.”

Michonne smiled in relief. “Oh really? It took you that long? I knew when we walked up the museum steps hand-in-hand. Our kiss the next day just confirmed it,” she joked.

Rick chuckled. “The kiss sealed the deal, huh?”

“Yep. That and your kindness, thoughtfulness, sincerity, and your humility. Of course, that accent and those bowed legs of yours didn’t hurt either.”

“Well, for me it was your confidence, your warmth, your intellect, and your heart. Throw in that smile and those eyes and I never stood a chance.” Rick grew serious as he looked into Michonne’s eyes. “I love you, Michonne.”

“I love you, too, Rick.”

“It’s hard to fathom that 18 months we had never even spoken a word to each other and now I can’t bear to go a day without hearing your voice or seeing your face. Having you in my life these past 15 months has taught me so much about life, about love, and about myself. The better I got to know you, the better I got to know myself. And after a year together, there are four things I know with absolute certainty.”

Michonne sat up and turned fully towards Rick. “What are they?”

“I know that I’m happy with you. I know that I can be myself with you. I know that I am better with you.”

Michonne’s eyes glistened with tears as Rick recited the words she’d written about him nearly a year ago.

“Most of all, I know that I can’t live without you. Michonne...will you marry me?”

Tears spilled down her face and Michonne nodded, unable to find her voice.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you! I love you so much, Rick.”

“I love you, too.”

The couple celebrated with a sweet kiss. Michonne straddled her fiancé’s lap as the kiss grew longer and more heated.

Rick suddenly pulled back as he remembered something.

“Your ring! It’s in my suitcase.”

“Wait, you were already planning on proposing?”

“Yeah...and not while we were naked in a bathtub.”

Michonne chuckled. “I’m glad it happened like this...with just the two of us. Besides, some of my favorite moments involve us being naked,” she said saucily. “And this moment has definitely topped the list.”

“I’m glad it was just the two of us as well, but what do we tell everyone when we get back...or our kids when they ask how I proposed to you one day?”

Michonne thought a moment. “We’ll tell them that you proposed while we were by the water.” She smiled at a sudden thought. “You’re already thinking about our future children?”

“Yep. I’m thinking two...no three boys and one girl.”

“Four kids? Using whose vagina?”

Rick slid his hand between Michonne’s thighs. “Mine right here.”

“Sorry, this one’s mine,” Michonne said, breathless.

“You sure about that? Cause I distinctly remember you saying it was mine last night...and this morning...and about thirty minutes ago.”

“Sorry, I don’t recall. I think you’ll have to refresh my memory.”

“Challenge accepted, Mrs. Grimes.”

“I’m not Mrs. Grimes yet.”

“Not on paper, but in my heart you’re already Michonne Grimes.”

“Michonne Grimes. I like the sound of that.”

“Me, too.” Rick gave Michonne one more lingering kiss. “Now, let’s get out this tub and back into our bed. We have some celebratin’ to do and I got to refresh that memory of yours.”  

***

Four hours later, the couple was seated in the restaurant Rick had chosen for the evening. The couple was enjoying the mountain views through the restaurant’s floor to ceiling windows.

“Rick, this place is amazing...the view, the food, and most especially the company.”

“You can thank Mama for the suggestion.”

“Oh, your parents have been here before?”

“Yes. They come here every year to celebrate their anniversary. Mama thought you’d enjoy it.”

“Well, Suzanne was right. I can’t imagine a better place to celebrate our anniversary and our engagement.” Michonne shook her head with a sigh. “I still can’t believe we’re engaged.”

“It’ll be more real once you have your ring.”

As the couple had gotten ready for the evening, Rick informed his fiancée that, in his excitement and nervousness, he’d accidentally forgot to pack her engagement ring. Michonne assured him that was okay and she’d have something to look forward to when they returned home the next day.

“I told you not to worry about that. The proposal was perfect because of what you said, not what you gave me.  I honestly just want to relive the moment over and over again.”

“How about reliving it one more time?”

“What?”

Rick stood up from the table and walked to Michonne’s side. Seemingly out of nowhere, a violinist appeared and began to play Michonne’s favorite classical piece. Rick got down on one knew before Michonne and opened a small box containing a beautiful diamond solitaire housed in an intricate antique setting.

“Is that my ring? I thought...” Michonne shook her head confused. “Rick, what are you doing?”

“I’m asking you again...because I can never hear you say yes too many times. And because you deserve the whole proposal experience.”

Rick blew out a breath, suddenly nervous. “Michonne, you are my best friend, my partner, and the love of my life. You are the very best part of my life. There is no me without you and no me without us. Michonne Richardson, will you grant me the honor and privilege of becoming my wife?”

Eyes full of tears and heart full of emotion as if it were the first time, Michonne nodded and said, “Yes.”

The violinist began playing the “Wedding March” and the restaurant patrons broke into cheers and applause as Rick took Michonne’s left hand and slid the solitaire on her finger.

*** 

First Dance

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Rick and Michonne Grimes to the floor for their first dance as husband and wife.”

With Rick’s right hand on Michonne’s back and her left hand on his shoulder, the newlyweds clasped their other hands together in a traditional dance hold. The couple swayed to their song as it began to play while their family and friends looked on.

“This is the one part I’ve been dreading.” Michonne looked up at her husband. “We really should have skipped this whole ‘first dance’ thing.”

“Why?”

“It’s so awkward being the only ones dancing. People are staring at us like we’re on display.”

Rick laughed and pulled his tense wife closer. “We kind of are, babe.  I told you we should have gone with a line dance as our first dance. That way everyone could have joined in from the beginning.”

“You just want to do a dance that shows off those cowboy boots of yours.”

Rick glanced down at the shiny black boots. “They are nice, aren’t they? A very smart, beautiful, and considerate woman left them for me this morning.”

“What a coincidence. A smart, handsome, and thoughtful man had a beautiful set of birthstone jewelry sent over to me this morning.”

Rick had found the boots gift wrapped and waiting for him in the groom’s suite. While Rick’s mother, Suzanne, had delivered Michonne’s heart shaped amethyst and diamond necklace and matching bracelet and earrings.  

“Thank you, babe. I love them.”

“You’re welcome. You wouldn’t be you without some cowboy boots.”

Rick twirled his wife away before pulling her back into his arms.

“And thank you for the jewelry. It’s beautiful.”

“You’re absolutely welcome. But you know how you can really thank me?”

“How?”

Rick leaned down to whispered, “Leave the necklace on after you take everything else off tonight.”

“Richard Grimes. Are you getting fresh with me?”

“I certainly am, Mrs. Grimes.”

“Good, keep it up.”

Michonne paused as Rick dipped her. When he pulled her back up, the couple abandoned the traditional dance hold altogether as Rick wrapped his arms around Michonne’s waist and hers went around his neck.

“Now, are you going to wear just your cowboy boots tonight?”

“Hey, if you’re into it, I’m game. Though I won’t be able to leave them on too long. There are some positions where I’ll have better balance on my bare feet.”

“Rick, how many positions are you planning on us trying tonight?”

“As many as possible. I’ve been doing some research on the internet.”

“I hope you didn’t use my computer.”

“No, I used Shane’s. He already had most of the sites I needed saved on his favorites tab.”

The couple shared a laugh before a content Michonne laid her head on Rick’s shoulder. The music washed over her as she lost herself in the warmth and security of her husband’s embrace.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up for Rick and Michonne!! Now everyone make your way to the floor and join the happy couple.”

Michonne pulled back, confused. “Wait? Our dance is over already?”

“Yeah.”

“I feel like it just started. I spent all this time dreading it and it flew by.”

Rick smiled at his wife. “I think we just learned our first lesson as a married couple.”

“Really? What’s that?”

“We can make it through anything when we don’t lose focus on the most important thing...each other.”

Michonne nodded in agreement. “Look at you. We’ve been married less than four hours and you have already turned into a philosopher.”

“What can I say? I guess being married to you brings out the best in me.” Rick gave his wife a quick kiss before letting out a low whistle. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today? You always look amazing, but today you are just on another level.”

“What can I say? I guess being married to you agrees with me.”

Michonne settled back into Rick’s arms and the newlyweds danced the night away.

 @richonnefics

[irrelevantwriter]

Hopper Can Have Nice Things Too

Pairing: Chief Jim Hopper x OFC

Rating: Explicit, NSFW

Warnings: Language, unprotected sex, public sex, bit of a power/title kink, self-realization and self-care on Hopper’s part (because he deserves)

Word Count: 4.7K

Summary: A funhouse leads to some fun. Porn without much plot.

A/N: I warned you guys. Daddy Hopper was making a comeback and here he is. I’ve used an OFC from my previous Hopper one-shot, but this in no way ties into that story. Have a read of some dirty fun and appreciate our favorite thicc Chief of Police.

*Masterlist in bio.

*******************

He was an idiot.

 Jim Hopper was a lot of things. He was mostly known for being a badass around town. Carrying a gun like it was an extension of his arm. He was often spotted with a cigarette in one hand and a pastry of some sort in the other, a scowl firmly planted on his lips. He was a take no prisoners kind of guy. And people respected him for that.

But he did fumble sometimes and that seemed to happen with the fairer sex quite often. His past liaisons never let him forget that in this small town. He sometimes felt like he was back in high school, gossip clinging to the nearest person and onto the next like some sort of virus.

 Along with being an overall badass motherfucker, he was also an experienced man, both in life and in the bedroom. He could maneuver women well when it came to sex; he’d been told and shown that sentiment on more than one occasion. But the emotional stuff was where shit got tricky. That was where he faltered and usually ended up sabotaging himself. And that was his current predicament.

 Claudia was the station’s newest secretary. And she interested him in a more than working boss-employee relationship. At first it had been a basic primitive thing. He’d liked the way she looked…a lot. She was attractive and carried herself well. But then he got to know her. 

He started to pay attention to her a little more every day. She was shy at times but proved that she could hold her own in a station full of brutes. She was funny, and often rivaled the dirty locker room humor of the male officers. She was kind. And she liked to show that kindness to anyone she could. Those who came into contact with her often left with a smile on their face. She was a great addition to the team. But she was stirring up some shit inside of Jim’s head that he was not prepared for.

He treaded carefully around her. He didn’t want her to think that he mistook her kindness for something more. Plus, there was the little detail of them working together. But the more time they spent together, the more he got the impression that she may feel a certain way about him as well.

 He was a goddamn chicken though. And he’d decided that he wasn’t going to put himself out there. Then his failed date happened. 

Being stood up was an eye opener and when he’d had a moment of vulnerability and opened up to her about it, she’d handled it in a way that made his pants feel tighter than they already were. She’d brushed it off with simple humor and a statement of the no-show date being a dumbass of huge proportions, careful not to make a big deal out of it for his benefit. He was more thankful for that than she’d realized. She was the only person he’d told and he’d regretted it the moment he did, but she’d handled him the way she knew Jim Hopper liked to be handled: with a little bit of attitude and inappropriate humor. And he was a goner because of it.

 He quickly surmised that she might have an interest in him, and why she did he would never know. She was way out of his league and entirely too good to be hanging with the likes of him. But ever since El had come into his life, he realized he was allowed to have nice things…good things. He could have those things and not break them into pieces. He was worthy of having a life…a happy one.

 But again, he was a goddamn chicken.

 And that was why he currently felt like a creep as he stared at her from across the fair grounds.

 It was Fourth of July and it seemed all of Hawkins was crammed into the grassy lot filled with questionable carnival rides and greasy, sugary foods. Jim had brought El to meet up with the rest of her friends, though he’d stipulated that he had to stay to keep an eye out. El had of course rolled her eyes at him, but she’d agreed.

 Jim stuck to the shadows because he still understood that El was growing into a teenage girl and needed her space. It helped that Harrington and the girl he worked with at the mall were also with the kids, acting as pseudo-chaperones. Mike was damn near as protective as he was when it came to his daughter and he trusted her boyfriend and friends to keep her safe. He just had a hard time completely letting go. Which is what brought him here.

 He was trying hard not to look suspicious as he looked on at a group of children alone at a fair. He was the Chief of Police so he had every right to stare anyone down, but he knew he was a little too intense for the atmosphere. He’d attempted to look casual by wearing a new printed shirt with pale pastels and light washed jeans. He felt odd in the outfit, but he found he blended better into the crowd.

He was just about to call it a night and let the kids have their fun when someone caught his eye.

 Claudia was in line at the cotton candy stand, her laughter floating over the people and directly to him. She looked relaxed and carefree, a look he found appealed to him immensely. She wore a hot pink off-the-shoulder blouse, the material encasing her upper half amazingly well. The color emphasized the hue of her summer tan. High-waisted acid wash jeans hugged her lower half, giving him a bountiful look at the form she kept dressed in professional, smart clothes while at the station.

 Most of the guys knew she was a looker, but Jim made it a point that she not be treated like an object. They all had to work together and be able to respect each other. Don’t get him wrong, he shared their sentiments when it came to having a younger female in the station, but working relationships were important and he didn’t want to jeopardize that. Plus, Claudia was amazing at her job and he’d be damned if she got chased off.

 A cool breeze swept through the tents and disturbed the long, loose curls in her dark hair. She was talking animatedly with another woman. He recognized her as a friend of Claudia’s who’d sometimes come to the station on her lunch. They were good friends though her name escaped him.

 Jim admired her from afar, still feeling creepy but not as much considering Claudia was an of-age woman. Her smile was contagious and he found himself smiling dumbly in her direction. He was bumped from behind by a heinously sized stuffed bear when he realized he should either shit or get off the pot. His mind was screaming at him to get off the pot, but something else was telling him to stay and shit…metaphorically of course.

 His feet started towards her, suddenly anxious and afraid he’d made a mistake. Before he could back down though, she turned and made eye contact. And that was all it took.

 She smiled brightly and waved. He did the same, though much more subdued. He observed her say something to her friend before his arrival and they both giggled. Insecurity made him hesitate in his next few steps, but Claudia stepped out of line and met him halfway, settling his nerves somewhat.

 “Hey there, Chief.” She greeted, pink lips nearly a match to the shade of her shirt. Despite not having bought cotton candy, she carried the smell with her as it surrounded him in a cloud.

 “Claudia. Didn’t expect to see you here.” He forced himself to relax and seem at ease. He was way out of his element while she was flourishing. He worked to keep his posture calm and the fidgeting and stuttering to a minimum.

 “Came with a few friends. Rides aren’t really my thing but I can never turn down a corn dog and cotton candy.”

 “Sounds like we’re on the same page about that.”

 Her eyes searched the immediate area around him before she spoke again. “You bring your daughter?”

 He nodded, “I did, but she’s with her friends. I didn’t want to suffocate the poor thing with my brooding presence.”

 “Understandable. It can be a tad overbearing.” She teased.

 “Hmmm, I’ve never been described that way before.” He rubbed at his chin, letting the sarcasm drip from his words. Her face broke into a smile at the shared joke.

 They both laughed, clearly too caught up with each other to notice they were creating a road block for people trying to pass. He caught her as she got pushed into his chest, keeping her upright. Her doe eyes looked up at him with such emotion he swore he felt an actual fucking butterfly flutter in his stomach.

 “Let me buy you that cotton candy you were in line for.” He offered, already pulling out his wallet. He anticipated her to brush him off and get back to her friend, but she surprised him again by smiling and nodding, her body leaning into his as they walked.

 And then an hour flew by.

 After they’d purchased a cotton candy for her and an ice cream cone for him, they walked aimlessly around the fair. They talked and laughed and indulged in their younger selves by playing a game or two. It was enjoyable and quickly feeling as if he was on an unexpected but welcomed date. Claudia showed no signs of trying to ditch him, making him believe this was truly where she wanted to be.

 They had been rounding the corner of the funhouse when Jim had a thought.

 “Hey, what happened to your friends?” He turned to face her, hands in his pockets. Her neck craned up to look at him. She was petite in stature and he almost felt bad that she had to damn near look up at the sky to meet his eyes.

 “Oh, I sent them on without me. I was a third wheel anyways.” She said with a wave of her hand.

 Jim couldn’t stop the smile that spread onto his lips at her words. He felt like a dopey idiot. But the high was addictive and he found himself not wanting their night to end.

 “Hey, let’s go in here.” Claudia grabbed his hand, the contact sending a spark through his body. She started leading them towards the entrance of the funhouse and he shook his head at the realization.

 “In there?” He gestured with his free hand. “You serious?”

 She stopped just short of the attendant, turning back to face him. “What’s the matter, Chief? You scared?” She teased.

 Jim scoffed and laughed, unaffected by her words. “Of course not. But it’s a waste of tickets if you ask me.”

 “Well, guess I’ll have to prove you wrong.” A devilish smile graced her still pink lips and he found himself staring at them for entirely too long.

 He allowed her to pull him through the entrance after paying the ticket admission. There wasn’t a line. The damn thing was basically deserted. He understood why.

 They started climbing a steep set of stairs and he tried not to follow too closely. Her denim clad ass was directly in his face and he had to fight against the urge to stare. He could hear her laugh as they made it to the first room, the lights and music attempting to make the space scarier than it was. It was a bust for him, but he could tell she was having fun and he didn’t want to put an end to that.

 A room of mirrors made them pause, the sensation of being surrounded by reflective glass overwhelming. Jim moved slowly and methodically, careful to not walk into a solid surface. Claudia had reached for his hand again, allowing him to lead them through the maze. The lights flickered and the music changed. The soothing melody of Foreigner filled the speakers, the lead singer crooning about waiting for a girl. It was an odd song choice for the atmosphere, but it worked in their favor as the mood shifted from playful to intimate.

 They took in the emptiness of the space around them as the lights glowed from an intense red to a soft purple. The lighting made it difficult to see, but he could feel. And he felt a heavy stare on him.

 “Dance with me.” Claudia demanded softly. Her eyes were locked on him in a way he hadn’t seen before. It made a heat wash over his body.

 Her request surprised him, but he found he couldn’t deny her. He didn’t give himself time to think about how bizarre they may seem if someone saw them. He didn’t think about what it would look like when people spotted the Chief of Police dancing in the dark with his secretary. He didn’t think about the scandal or the backlash it could cause. He didn’t think about anything other than her in that moment.

 He held her against him as they began to sway to the music. Their images reflected in the mirrors, giving off the illusion that they were standing in a crowd and not alone.

 “So, is this still a waste?” She smirked up at him, clearly feeling as if she’d won him over already.

 Jim looked to the ceiling, pretending to ponder the question. “It’s a slight step up from a waste. I’m a more of a Styx fan myself.”

 Her laughter set him off and he chuckled, the rumbling making his chest vibrate against her body. He noticed the delicate pink of her nails against the fabric of his shirt, the display of femininity reminding him of just how long it’d been since he’d been with a woman. So much had taken place in his life recently that finding a warm body for the night was the last thing on his mind. But now that he was pressed against an attractive woman, one he seemed to be captivated with, he found he was missing a certain something after all.

 “I’m gonna have to make a move, aren’t I?”

 Her voice caught him off guard and once he registered her question, he looked down at her in confusion.

 “What?”

 Claudia laughed, making him feel as if he’d missed something in the last few minutes. She laid her palms flat against his chest, forcing their movement to cease. She seemed nervous suddenly as she began to fiddle with the buttons on his shirt. It was an innocent gesture, but it sent his mind into a lust-fueled tailspin.

 “You’re being a complete gentleman. And that’s really sweet. But,” She paused and he waited for her to finish, afraid she’d turn him down before he’d even attempted a shot. “I really need you to kiss me.”

 He sworn he heard her wrong, but when she pushed herself onto her tiptoes and leaned up into his body, he knew he’d heard right.

 It took him only a millisecond to respond and meet her in a hungry kiss. Her lips were soft and tasted like sugar and her hands gripped at him like she was dangling off a cliff and he was her anchor. He wrapped her in is arms, fully embracing her and feeling all she had to offer. His hands went to her hips and then lingered just above her ass. She was soft and smooth, adjectives he hadn’t been familiar with in a while.

 He felt his back come into contact with a hard surface and he used it to his advantage. He leaned against the mirror to shorten himself slightly. The action allowed Claudia to reach up and tangle her fingers in his hair. Her nails scraped against his scalp and then pulled at the roots in desperation. The dual sensations forced a growl to bubble from his lips. Their tongues met and clashed against one another, tasting the lingering sweetness on each other.

 Jim could feel his erection growing by the second, eager to partake in the fun. He shifted his hips away, but Claudia followed and rubbed herself sensuously against him. The action made him pull back from her lips and groan.

 “Shit…” He breathed, struggling to maintain control of the situation and himself. They were both breathing hard with limbs still entangled. “We need to slow down.”

 “Yeah, you’re right.” She agreed, though neither of them pulled away.

 He stared at her, took in her appearance. Her cheeks were flushed and her chest was rising in quick breaths. Her lips were red now, the pink having smeared into his facial hair he was sure. She looked hungry, like her appetite had been amplified and not at all satiated. He was sure he looked identical, the tension in the small space now palpable and unavoidable.

 They both came to a conclusion at the same time.

 They moved in unison. He swept her up and into his arms while she wrapped her legs around his middle. He moved them so that her back now rested against the mirror, the surface helping to keep her attached to him. They moved as one, tongues and hands back to exploring the other. They both acted as if it’d been years since the last time they’d indulged in the sin of the flesh. And perhaps it had been. Jim couldn’t remember the last woman he’d been with.

 “Oh god,” Claudia moaned as he sucked and nipped at her neck. She threw her head back, allowing him all the access he wanted. He lavished her skin with wet kisses and sensuous bites. Desperate moans and whimpers left her lips, the noises like slot machine alarm bells signaling he’d won the jackpot.

 He gripped and grasped at her body greedily, his large hands everywhere at once. Her own hands were pulling at him, wishing him to be closer but the action physically impossible.

 “I need you, Jim.” Her plea was breathy and it fell onto his ears like the sweetest song. He cursed, his desire to fuck her into the mirror at her back at its peak.

 He moved his mouth back to her lips, catching her rapid breaths with his own. “Fuck, you don’t know how much I want that.”

 He watched her surrender herself to him. She held him tighter, an almost imperceptible whimper actually leaving her lips. She kissed him, her tongue dominating his own in a battle of unfiltered passion. It was her turn to assault his neck and he let her, groaning when she began to suck hard at the flesh.

 “Now. I need you now.” She whispered against his throat, her breath hot and wet.

 Jim slammed his hand onto the mirror as she rubbed her center against his very prominent bulge. He felt like he was floating, the reality of the situation barely a thought in his now foggy mind.

 “We can’t. We shouldn’t.” He tried to keep hold of some semblance of rationale, but the way her body was forcing his own to respond was making it difficult. And more than that, he wanted her. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to take something good and make it his. And he wanted to feel that in return.

 “Please…”

 He threw what little caution he had left to throw to the wind and gave in to their scorching desires. Their movements became frenzied and hurried, uncaring of the possibility of being caught but instead desperate to quench their cravings. His hands pulled at her blouse, revealing a satin white bustier. Her breasts called to him, begging him to pull them free from their restraints. He obliged.

 “Yes, Chief…”

 Her fingers were back to pulling at his hair while his mouth tasted her. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, the ferociousness of his movements making her release a moan. She worked between them to undo a few errant buttons on his shirt. He hissed when she tangled her fingers in his chest hair, the pain fueling him further.

 “Fucking hell.” He cursed, her hand now reaching for the button on his jeans. He followed her movements, realizing he was about to get his dick wet at a summer fair. The message was relayed beyond the barrier of denim and he felt himself swell and pulse in need.

 “Put me down.”

 He obeyed and set her on her feet, hulking over her like Bruce Banner before he made a full transformation into The Hulk. She showed no concerns about being partially nude or even being partially nude in public. She went back to her task of undoing his jeans, nails grazing and pawing at him impatiently. He watched, enraptured by her tiny hands pulling him free and teasing him without mercy. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, fully immersing himself in the rush of pleasure.

 “Jesus Christ, sweetheart…”

 Her lips were on the exposed skin of his chest, tasting the sweat that had gathered there. Her bare chest was flush against him, the skin-on-skin contact making the experience all the more erotic. He felt her hand tug at him, a coolness settling over the hardened muscle. He looked down and realized she’d coated her hand in saliva. His eyes literally crossed at the sight.

 “Stop.” He demanded roughly. She complied immediately. His tone had been harsher than he’d meant, but he wasn’t about to blow his load on her closed fist.

 Jim stood to his full height and pushed her back into the mirror. His fingers undid the button on her own jeans and he pulled them down, allowing her to free a leg. He did the same with the matching white satin panties, exposing her without care. He licked his lips, a movement she caught. He jerked at his own flesh, squeezing himself to ward off releasing too soon. Her thighs, thick and luscious, squeezed together at this actions.

 “You sure about this?” He eyed her closely, waiting for her dark gaze to speak to him. She only nodded, pulling him by his shirt into her willing and waiting body.

 He hefted her into his arms again and slowly eased the tip inside. She was warm and wet, just like he’d imagined. He studied her face, looking for any signs of pain. Pleasure was all he saw as he inched forward. The pace was in stark contrast to the rushed air they’d been surrounded in minutes before.

 “Fuck, you feel good. You okay?”

 Sweat collected on his forehead as he held her to him. It was a struggle to move so cautiously when her body practically sucked him in.

 “God, feels amazing.” She sighed. Her nails dug into his shoulders as he finally sheathed himself fully. Her walls clutched and released him, begging him to stay but urging him to move.

 Jim pulled out and thrust back in, this time foregoing the slower prelude. She squealed as her whole body tightened and he wondered if he’d made a mistake.

 “Shit, you okay? Did I hurt you?”

 Claudia shook her head and used her feet at his back to persuade him closer. “No, no…do that again.”

 He did as she requested and they both moaned lowly at the sensations. She felt heavenly wrapped around him, sleek and tight. The sound of her slick meeting his hard thrusts was the perfect soundtrack to their coupling. He moved deep and slow, a steady rhythm that hit every inch inside of her. Her lips were formed into a silent “O” and her breasts were jiggling with each plunge. Watching her was half the pleasure.

 “Fuck, Chief…right there.”

 “Say it again.” He ordered with a stab of his hips. She whimpered and clawed at his chest, indenting red marks into his skin.

 “Chief…”

 Her words had their desired effect. He accelerated his pace, forcing her further into the mirror. Heavy breathing and slaps of sweat-laden bodies accompanied the now faster melody of a new song. He dipped a thick digit into his mouth and saturated it with saliva. He massaged her clit with the now soaked finger, using the roughened calloused pads of his skin to his advantage.

 “I’m gonna cum.”

 Jim worked harder and faster, delivering her to salvation. He watched the beads of sweat run down her collarbone and between her breasts. He buried his face into her neck and teased her earlobe, trying to hit as many of her erogenous zones as he could. His fingers pinched her clit, feeling it swell and throb in unreleased pressure.

 “Cum for me, baby…” Her body responded in kind to his words and he continued, his voice low as he flew her higher and higher into oblivion. “I wanna see you cum. I wanna think about you like this always. I want you to miss my dick being buried so deep that it feels like you’re missing a piece of you. You hear me?”

 Claudia’s whole body tensed, her walls spasmed, and her moans strangled as she let the ecstasy take over. His name fell from her lips like a chant, the cadence sounding like a cry for help but Jim knew it for what it was. It was a call to not stop. It was a plea to hold tighter and push harder. It was a prayer.

 Her release captured him and pulled him under. His breath caught and his body went rigid. The feeling of her against him, of her walls drowning him, was all he could focus on. Everything else around him was white noise. He felt the sting of her nails at his shoulders and the peaks of her nipples against his chest. He bit down on her shoulder, his fingers digging into the flesh of her hips. A stream of warmth passed from his body to hers, her legs widening and accepting in lustful appreciation. His hips stuttered as he flooded her with his essence, his eyes trying to focus against the ever-changing lights.

 Breathing was the only noise left once both of them were drained. Jim held her for a few seconds before her laughter made him pull back. He joined her, unable to believe what they’d just taken part in. He helped her to her feet and adjust her clothes while she helped tame his hair. She used the many mirrors to right her hair and makeup, careful to conceal the wild state they’d been in moments before.

 They exited the funhouse and gulped in the cool evening air. Jim felt bad for anyone who decided to visit the amusement after them. The place reeked of sex and sweat. The breeze carried the aroma of food, masking the scent they carried. They didn’t say much to each other, comfortable in the moment with the silence.

 Jim quickly realized he had to check on his daughter. His trained gaze was scanning the crowd and what he saw put him at ease. The kids were at a booth filled with wooden milk bottles stacked on crates. The objective was to knock as many off as you could with a toss of a ball. Apparently, Mike had just won because he handed off a stuffed tiger to El, her face lighting up at the gift. It was pure and wholesome and it set Jim’s chest on fire with love.

 “You want a corn dog? I’m famished.”

 Claudia’s voice brought him out of his intense study of his child and her boyfriend. He found her eyes, smiling at the way she looked up at him. Her voice was somewhat hoarse and he beamed in silent male pride at his part in that.

 “Come on…my treat, Chief.” She smirked knowingly, the throwback to their time together making him shiver and chuckle all at once.

 “Sure. You owe me for wasting those tickets on that funhouse anyways.” He deadpanned, though the humor was awash on his face.

 Without missing a beat she replied in a matching tone of uninterest. “Yeah, you were right. What a bust.”

 Their laughter filled the space around them as they moved towards the corn dog stand, the space between their bodies nonexistent as they walked.

 If there was one thing that damn funhouse was good for, it was showing him that things were never what they appeared to be from the outside.

[theyearoftheking]

Book Twenty-Three: It

"Maybe that’s why God made us kids first and built us close to the ground, because He knows you got to fall down a lot and bleed a lot before you learn that one simple lesson. You pay for what you get, you own what you pay for... and sooner or later whatever you own comes back home to you.” 

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Orgy. 

Pre-teen child orgy.

Weird-ass, icky, questionable judgement that I’m going to chalk up to years of drug and alcohol abuse... orgy. 

Of all the strange and bizarre things Steve has written over the years, the child orgy scene in It might be the strangest one. I’ve read articles back and forth, and I know there was controversy surrounding whether or not to include it in the movie (glad cooler heads prevailed there!), but ick!!! Maybe it’s because my daughter is Beverly’s age, but ick!!! 

I don’t think it belonged in the book. There were hundreds of other way the kids could have cemented their friendship, and shown adult status without sex. I mean, they already had a blood oath: what more do you need?? 

I know. This is such a small scene in the book, but it troubles me as a woman, a feminist, and most importantly, a mother. And as a writer, I’m also troubled that parts of it are written like a bad porn: “Something that will bring us together forever. Something that will show...that I love you all... Who’s first?” 

Gag. I just threw up in my mouth a little. 

I loved reading It. The past and present chapters of the book flowed so fluidly, the character development was excellent, and Pennywise is terrifying. But this one part just keeps me from ever wanting to read it again. And then it had me questioning my own enjoyment of the book. Should I come down hard on this one for Steve’s tone-deaf attitude towards children having sex? Should I just ignore it and move along? Is it callus for me to enjoy the book, and still be bothered by the child orgy scene? 

I think I finally settled on the last option. 

Okay. We tackled the elephant in the room, now let’s move along to my half-assed review of the rest of the book. 

I thought I had read It in the past, but when the book was delivered, I was shocked to see how thick it was. I was expecting a much shorter read. That was clue number one I had never read it. Clue number two was not really remembering the past and present story lines. So I’m going to assume I’m at that fragile, old age where I no longer remember every book I’ve ever read. 

I have seen both of the recent movies, and thought they stayed fairly true to the book, and I liked their casting. I even imagined several movie characters as I was reading along. It was a solid book, and I flew through it in a little over a week. Not bad for normal reading standards, but a little long for Coronavirus reading standards. 

Cue the Cardi... Coronavirus! 

Sorry. I really love this video, and find myself yelling, “Coronavirus! Shit is real!” far too often. 

So, for those of you who have been living under a rock your entire lives, It is the story of Pennywise, a murderous clown who preys on innocent children in Derry, Maine every twenty-seven years or so. Yes, he’s a clown, but he can also take the form of a spider, a werewolf, or whatever you’re most terrified of. “Glamour, he said, was the Gaelic name for the creature which was haunting Derry; other races and other cultures at other times had different words for it, but they all meant the same thing... The Himalayans called it a tallus or taelus, which meant an evil magic being that could read your mind, and then assume the shape of the thing you were most afraid of.” 

So, It kills little Georgie Denbrough, and his older brother Bill lives with the guilt of Georgie’s death. Bill had been at home with the flu, but had made Georgie a paper boat he could play with outside, and race through the flooding streets. Bill feels if he had been there, Georgie might still be alive, and his parents might be far less vacant and depressed. That’s some serious guilt. 

Bill and his gang of friends: Stan Uris, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, and Ben Hanscom all band together and form The Losers Club after admitting they’ve seen It in some form or another. In addition to taking out a few psychotic child bullies in a rock fight, they also mortally wound It. They have a group orgy, and a blood oath to celebrate their victory.

The kids grow up, and all go their seperate ways until twenty-seven years later when Mike calls them all to let them know It is killing again. Stanley Uris kills himself in the bathtub, but the rest of the Losers Club all travel back to Derry to see what’s up. Richie is a California-based DJ, Eddie runs a car service and married a woman just like his crazy mother, Beverly is a famous clothing designer, Ben is a world-famous architect, Bill is an acclaimed writer, and Mike is the librarian at the Derry Public Library. 

All of them have vague memories of their time in Derry, and barely remember one another. But once they get back in town, the memories and bad habits start flooding back. Eddie is back to sucking on his aspirator every few minutes (despite his asthma being psychosomatic), Richie can no longer wear contacts and is back to his dorky glasses, and Bill is back to stuttering, something he hasn’t done since childhood. Good times. 

While the Loser’s Club is assembling and eating Chinese food together, Pennywise takes it upon himself to release psycho childhood bully Henry Bowers from Juniper Hill, the mental institution he’s been in for years. Sidenote... one of the meanest counselors at Juniper Hill is Koontz. Coincidence? I’m going with no... 

Mike informs everyone It is back in action again, killing people, and they all made a promise to come back to Derry if It ever went on another murderous rampage. So, they head back into the sewers again to take It out once and for all. They succeed, Eddie dies, Beverly’s abusive asshole husband dies, Audra, Bill’s wife, is catatonic from the shock of the whole thing, and the entire town of Derry literally and metaphorically collapses in on itself. But on the bright side, It is dead, and there wasn’t another orgy. Huzzah! 

The book is chock full of Steve tropes (chambray work shirts! multiple mentions of Shawshank prison! Happy Crappy everywhere!); and also a few mentions of past and future books. Loser’s Club member Ben Hanscom is a chunky kid, and he’s made fun of for his weight. At one point, he recants a traumatic locker room scene where kids are “fat-paddling” him. Yes, it’s as cringy as it sounds. The gym teacher finally breaks it up, and Ben describes, “...what he did was grab one of my tits in each hand and squeeze. Then he took his hands away and rubbed them on his pants like he’d touched something dirty.” This was basically the male version of Carrie: locker room torture and dirty pillows. I laughed way too hard at that. But unlike Carrie White, Ben grows up to be handsome, famous, and he gets the girl without starting anyone on fire. 

Later on in the novel, Beverly is dealing with her abusive, crazy husband, Tom Rogan. After she beats the crap out of him and flees for Derry, he tries to track her down. First, he stops by her best friend’s house, and almost beats her to death before she tells him Beverly left for Derry. Tom Rogan is so evil and terrifying, I couldn’t help but wonder if his character planted a seed in Steve’s mind for Rose Madder. I saw a lot of similarities. 

There were also a few Dark Tower references. The Turtle is mentioned throughout the book, and The Turtle is also known as Maturin, one of the Guardians of the Beam in the Dark Tower universe. #allthingsservethebeam

Later on, Bill is on his way to take on It and, “He thought dimly of riding in a train and passing one going in the other direction, a train that was so long it seemed eventually to stand still or even move backward. He could still hear It, yammering and buzzing, Its voice high and angry, not human, full of mad hate...”

Could it be Blaine? Blaine is a pain! 

There was also one Wisconsin reference, Beverly takes a flight out of Milwaukee. After several books with no Wisconsin references, it was nice seeing Steve give us the love we deserve. 

Orgy aside, I really loved It (things you never think you’ll say out loud, or type for that matter). If nothing else, you have to give Steve credit for making creepy clowns a thing. At one point in the book, Steve writes, “The fears of children could often be summoned up in a single face... and if bait were needed, why, what child did not love a clown?” 

Um, no children today, thanks to your sick ass! 

Next up is Eyes of the Dragon, which I have never read before, and is slow going. But at least it’s short. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 16

Total Dark Tower References: 16

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

Stay healthy and keep social distancing, my friends!

Until next time, Long Days and Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca