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#but now im thinking about tomorrow and how i have to call and try to get myself to the doctors
girlscience · 9 months
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well. I added my recent work stuff to my resume today, but then got stressed and didn't even manage to edit it. the day isn't over so maybe I'll get more done, but aaaghaghghaghag
#I thought I just needed to add my new experince and call it good#except it is definitely made for applying to a job not a school#and i dont know how to change it or what all i need to change to make it better#like i feel like i should remove things but then it just seems really empty??#and i am also trying to plan a trip with my mom to go look at one of the schools tomorrow#because i completely forgot that was a thing i should maybe do?#i just started applying places without even thinking about the schools themselves#outside of if they were good/had the programs i want#i didn't look at price or the campus or how big they are or what cities they are in#and the one im looking at with my mom has two campuses and i have to pick which one i want to go to#and trying to figure out which one would be better is very confusing#wish they would just be like you will have access to these facilities at this campus and these facilities at this one#but they dont have that#and then also i need to figure out TA/GA positions and applications#and i am so stressed about that and keep putting it off#but like. i have basically given myself two weeks to get everything done and haven't done any of it yet#and i am going to cry and puke#do i actually think i can do this if the application is making me feel like this?#but i cant back out now because i have told too many people and asked for refernce letters#and also i do want to do it#but then i am also supposed to look for even more schools and have to do all this for them too#*sobbibng*
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orcelito · 1 year
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Another morning another day
I've been thinking a lot about going to the animal shelter
#speculation nation#there r many cats there and i have an aching spot available for one#passively thinking about getting a kitten. just bc id enjoy getting to raise a cat for once#and i think tally would be a good big sister given how much she groomed cassy#at the same time tho i wanna adopt a cat that might not otherwise be adopted so quickly. aka an adult cat#& also like with tally. i very purposefully picked out the loud black cat bc everyone was passing her up#but she was YELLINGGG at me from the cage. and i was like 'oh alright' and took her home#and now shes my sweet darling girl. she just needed like a year to chill out so she is no longer a chaos demon lmao#it's also hard to know what youre getting with a kitten. and it's a lot of resposibility. so like. idk.#but also. Kitten Cute... 🥺#i'll have to see what they have when i go there. still not happening for at least a few more days.#it feels too soon rn. but im thinking about this all to cope lol. i hate having only one cat.#i keep wanting to go out to greet Cat Number 2 in the living room. but. nope. so i go back to greet tally on my bed#she's a loving cat but she does Not like to be smothered. and im kind of smothering her lmao#that's another reason to get a 2nd cat. yes i want tally to have company when im gone at work#but also i need a second cat that is very affectionate bc I Want My Hugs And Kisses Dammit#idk when im getting his ashes back. probably somewhat soon. id estimate tomorrow? they were rly quick with sammy's#idk what im gonna do if they call while im at work lol. cry probably.#tho i havent cried in almost a full day!! been like 22 hours. i have been Trying to cope. mixed results.#ah well. c'est la vie and all that shit.#animal death ment/
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sluttyten · 2 years
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🥶
#i can't tell if my bedroom is actually so cold#or if my hands and feet are absolutely freezing due to my anxiety#but i'm going with anxiety bc like im wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants in my bed with flannel sheets#and a thick comforter and another blanket on top of it#the thermostat says my house is 72 degrees but my feet have felt like icicles all day#but im also pretty sure they're sweating which is a little tmi#but im currently stressing over jury duty so 😗✌️#googling what kinds of things i might be asked so i can try to figure out answers that won't get me selected#which is difficult not knowing what kind of trial it's going to be#just hoping i give off enough anxious and biased vibes that i don't get selected#like my social anxiety has been hitting for the last few hours#i can call in a few hours and find out if i even have to show up and that alone is driving me insane#i can't do anything right now other than research this stuff#like i want to write or finish watching this show i've been watching but i can't enjoy anything right now i can only think about this#it's like the other night when i got the summons in the mail and literally didn't do anything with the rest of my day#was reading something earlier about waiting to be selected for jury duty and my heart was pounding and i was imagining it#and like thinking about how i'm definitely gonna feel like i'm going to puke tomorrow im gonna be so shaky#i haven't felt like this in like 5 years since i was last in school and had to worry about public speaking or big projects#like they gave me such bad anxiety i get so hot and red and like get a little buzzy in my ears... yknow casual things#so earlier i was freaking out thinking about how they select the jury foreman which i absolutely 100 percent cannot do#i can't speak up in public even when it was in front of a classroom of people i've known for years#i couldn't bring myself to speak up and ask questions or say thoughts for a discussion (to the point where i failed a project once bc of it)#but i've never been diagnosed with any form of anxiety by a doctor or anything like that so I don't know if i even have an anxiety disorder#but just like based off of a lot of things i've noticed over the years and the way that i'll like focus on a thing that's causing me stress#to the point where it's debilitating and i can't do anything except freak out about it#i'd say i've got something going on.... like back when i had that promotion offered to me at work and i literally cried in my room stressed#about the pressure of the position which i then only held for a few months bc i can't handle the social aspect of it#anyway i've ranted enough now i'm going to go and try to do like anything.... finish writing maybe
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omni-scient-pan-da · 2 years
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So uhh continuing off of this post but separately because that one was getting kinda long and also the topic has slightly changed-
This is like... Gotta be the 10th time Tall Boy has come up to me to talk to me about something completely random
Maybe he's just really friendly? Maybe he does this to everyone? He's also the only person that consistently responds to my messages in the group chat which makes me feel appreciated
I sent out a thing talking about how I hope everyone got some rest and that we all had a great show tonight and Tall Boy responded like... Immediately as per usual
And then also came up to me at the post show dinner and started talking about random things
And then our choir director put us next to each other in choir so now I sit directly beside him and he'll make random small talk to me when I don't think we've ever said two sentences to each other before September
So uhhh yeah do with that information what you will because I sure as hell don't know what to do with it
#panda posts#panda pines#tall boy#mystic before you come asking who im talking about i don't think you'd know him if i told you his name#but he is in the musical and literally if you take one look at this man you will immediately know who im referencing because of how fricken#tall he is-#so you'll see him tomorrow#also like... i have noticed that i very rarely get crushes anymore i think because i've realized im somewhere on the aro spectrum and have#been trying to define romance and like... there are people who the thought of them asking me out sends me spiralling because i don't know#them well enough and then there are people who it would just be awkward to date because i only see them as friends#and then there's people im friends with that i feel no romantic attraction towards but the thought of them asking me out does not send me#spiralling like bisexual girl and now km realizing tall boy#which is weird for me because i know... one singular guy that could ask me out without me freaking out about it and i've known him for...#7 years maybe? and then i've known of tall boy for 5 years but only really talked to him for three months and i still wouldn't necessarily#call is friends but yet for some reason the thought of tall boy asking me out doesn't scare me#which is extra weird because it tends to be taller guys that scare me the most because of what im blaming on the fear of amab people#instilled in afab people to 'protect them' but yeah-#anyways we stan tall boy please let me know what you think of his behavior or if you have more questions to draw an accurate conclusion
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dhampir-dyke · 1 year
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#i cannot fucking believe that my half-baked psilocybin therapy is working. this is so crazy.......#less than 4 months ago i was incredibly suicidal and my depression + trauma kept me from doing basic shit. i couldnt fucking enjoy anything.#and now i take literally no medicine except a gram of psilocybin every month or so. and i hesistate to say its 'fixed' me bc i still have#a lot of issues and i still have bad days#BUT. my life is so much better now..... i can actually feel good when i do things i like. im able to get important stuff done much easier#and im having bad days instead of bad WEEKS. when my cptsd gets triggered its still horrific and debilitating but the come down from it is#much faster and im able to function properly sooner#today i managed to talk to my leasing office about moving in a few days earlier and they said yes!!! ive manage to pack a BUNCH#of my stuff into my car for when i start moving in tomorrow. ive made an important phone call!!!#i still had to jump through the hoop of executive dysfunction BUT. normally i have to go through an obstacle course of it#every time i do it i feel like i get a little bit better. i try to make a 'plan of attack' every time i take them.#make my place feel as comfortable and safe as possible. i keep a journal nearby and relaxing music playing. and i try to sortof like#i guess a mix of introspection + reparenting in a way. i go with the flow but i try to focus on a way of thinking thats unhealthy#and try to tease + pick apart the reasons its unhealthy; while also trying to replace it with a healthier way of thinking#if that makes sense??? all while just. idk. feeling safe and at ease.#and ill feel kinda weird for at most a day afterwards bc lets be real. its psychedelic mushrooms. but afterwards i just feel much#lighter and generally just more at peace?#maybe its bc of how vulnerable i am while in an altered mental state; it may replicate the vulnerability i experienced as a child.#but rather than be abused for being vulnerable im being gentle and kind to myself??? idek man its weird.#anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud
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neonqueerautumn · 1 year
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Personal Danni Tag Rant.
If you see this cover thine eyes.
#it's not like i can put “gets nervous working with men and falls into a people pleasing over the top personality as a coping mechanism”#on applications#so like i get it...#but i H A T E the fact that i am the only “woman” at my job now....#all the guys personalities are cool dont get me wrong#but....wtf#a new guy started today and it was going great until the last 20 min#my manager calls me up to the front and asks me about the store credit amount from the previous day as its 105 and thats higher than usual#i asked him the previous day hey how do i do this and proceeded to do what he told me#i knew if i did it wrong it would show up when i closed out the register and counted out the deposit#but nothing was wrong so i didn't mention it today#my manager asks me to take him through what happened#so i do. he asks if anything was off on the paperwork. i said no.#i said i knew that if i did the transaction wrong it would show up when i closed out the register#he goes “...im not trying to accuse you of anything but did you change a negative anywhere?”#“i just need to know if you changed anything and how you did.”#i said no i didn't. and he said okay i dont have enough time to sort this out tonight so ill look into this more tomorrow#but im not mad at you at all. please dont leave here today thinking im upset with you. i said no i understand#meanwhile my new conventionally attractive coworker is keeping his distance and im just....incredibly embarrassed.#like hes cute and tall and talked to me about manga for like an hour and it was nice. he has a gf whos very nice.#i just wanted to come off cool and...not like im this awkward fucking dork who doesn't even feel like they know how to do their job anymore#i just...second guess and doubt myself at every interaction now. its not my managers fault really... he tells me hes proud of my work#he tells me im doing a good job... idk...#all the people i became comfortable with and felt safe with are gone now...#the last coworker from when i started.. the first guy ive felt safe around in a long while... they are putting him on retainer...#it just...it fucking sucks.#he changed the computer background to batgirls and it showed that he wasn't just listening to me ramble about me being a but if an art snob#he was ACTUALLY LISTENING and it just made my heart feel so light...i just really appreciated that.#i wish i didn't have to pull myself back from anxiety attacks about work every night i wish going into work didn't make me nervous#i cant even smoke a bit to relax on my day off because im scared i wont be alert enough the next day. my job...its not fun anymore.
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jinwoosbabyboo · 1 month
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“Are You Jealous?”
Don’t we all love a beautiful jealous man? I like them a little pathetic🤭 (Not too pathetic though 🤨)
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Zayne
*Zayne coming home to MC after a long shift*
MC: How’d the surgery go?
Zayne: Everything went according to plan
MC: Good good
Zayne: What are you doing?
MC: I’m getting my medical files in order before I submit them to the hunters association for renewal
Zayne: You haven’t had this months check up yet
MC: Oh Greyson offered to do it tomorrow since you’re backed up this week
Zayne: I’ll do it
MC: Zayne
Zayne: I’m your primary doctor I’ll do it
MC: With what time? Don’t worry about it Greyson already scheduled—
Zayne: Consider it canceled I’ll take care of you
MC: Are you jealous?
Zayne: No
MC: Babe … cmon
Zayne: I’m your doctor you don’t go to anyone but me
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Rafayel
MC: Are you gonna help me with these boxes or just sit there all day?
Rafayel: I’m an artist you know my hands are delicate
MC: We’ve literally fought wanderers together
Rafayel: That’s different
MC: *phones vibrates w/ a text* Oh perfect
Rafayel: What?
MC: Thomas is on his way over to help
Rafayel: Well tell him to turn his dumbass around I’ll help you
MC: oh now you wanna help
Rafayel: What do you need him for when you have me
MC: Weren’t you just saying how delicate your precious hands are
Rafayel: yea but I’m done resting them now
MC: He’s already on his way Rafayel it’s too late
Rafayel: No it’s not I’ll do it tell him to go home
Rafayel throws himself on the floor and wraps himself around MCs leg
MC: RAF GET OFF MY LEG IM GONNA FALL
Rafayel: TELL HIM TO GO HOME
MC: OKAY!
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Xavier
MC: I have a surprise for you
Xavier: I can’t wait to see it
MC: Close your eyes and hold out your hands
MC places a bouquet of flowers in his hands
Xavier: Flowers?
MC: Isn’t it pretty I spent hours trying to make it perfect
Xavier: They’re not as perfect as you
MC: Oh stop it … look I even added I think Jeremiah called them ‘Forget Me Nots’ they made me think of you
Xavier: Jeremiah?
MC: Yea he helped me put this together
Xavier: Why didn’t you ask me?
MC: because it’s a gift for you why would I have you help?
Xavier: Right…
***
Later that night….
Jeremiah: Hey Xavier what are you doing here this late?
Xavier: It’s nothing personal
Jeremiah: wha- AHHH WAIT WAIT WAIT
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Sylus
*Sylus walks in on MC putting together an array of snacks, blankets and fluffy pillows out for a cozy movie night in the theater room*
MC: Look who crawled out of his study for a few minutes
Sylus: Can I ask what’s going on here? Looks like a unicorn just threw up all over my theater room
MC: Me and my boys are having a movie night
Sylus: Your boys?
MC: You can join us if you’d like
Sylus: How kind of you to invite me to use my own theater
MC: I know aren’t I the sweetest?
Sylus: You’ve been spending a substantial amount of time with the twins lately
MC: Have I?
*Luke and Kieran walk in*
Sylus: Get out.
Luke: Huh?
Kieran: But boss
Sylus: I won’t say it again
*Tosses them out with his Evol and slams the door*
MC: That was so rude
Sylus: You’re spending the night with me turn the movie on
*Sylus arranges himself against one of the giant pillows and drapes a blanket over his lap*
MC: Are you jealous of your own men?
Sylus: No …. I simply want to watch a movie with you
MC: Sure
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propertyofwicked · 2 months
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ONE - LN
summary: the quadrant team find themselves in a hotel for the night, but there's just one issue - there's only one bed left.
warnings: none, just fluff ig
a/n: this is so short and i kinda really hate it im so sorry - i think this was requested but i cant find it in my inbox :(
masterlist the playlist
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y/n had been working with the quadrant team for a while now, helping out with filming and editing their videos. it was a dream job, honestly, getting to travel around and hang out with friends, even if it meant dealing with a few chaotic moments here and there.
they were on location, ready to shoot some new content for an upcoming video. however, when they arrived at the small hotel only to find that there were only three rooms available for the night, chaos ensued as they tried to figure out the sleeping arrangements. three bedrooms, six beds, six people.
“lando snores - absolutely not,” max called out, grabbing niran quickly.
“y/n wakes up at 6am - absolutely not,” ria followed, grabbing araav too, leaving y/n and lando stood quietly next to each other, assigned to a room despite not getting a word in edgeways.
“it’s a good thing i’m a heavy sleeper,” y/n sighed, looking up at lando who smiled at her softly.
“it’s a good thing i don’t mind waking up early,” lando replied, grabbing her camera bag before leading the two of them to their room. y/n fumbled with the keys, trying to unlock the door quickly.
she opened the door and froze, lando walking straight into her back, not expecting the sudden stop. there, in the middle of the room, was a single double bed. y/n turned back to lando, who was standing behind her with their bags.
“um, lando, we have a problem,” y/n said, stepping aside so he could see.
lando peered into the room and his eyes widened. “oh, great,” he muttered. “one bed.”
“yeah,” y/n said, rubbing the back of her neck, trying not to be saddened by his upset at the situation, “we’ll figure something out.”
“i’ll take the floor. it’s fine,” lando sighed.
“no, you won’t,” y/n shot back. “i’ll take the floor. you need a good night’s sleep for filming tomorrow.”
“so do you,” lando argued. “we can’t have you exhausted either.”
“no, i’ll take the floor,” y/n shot back, crossing her arms defiantly.
“y/n, don’t be ridiculous. i’m not letting you sleep on the floor.”
“well, i’m not letting you sleep on the floor either,” y/n countered, voice firm.
the others watched the back-and-forth with amused expressions, until max finally stepped in, appearing suddenly in the open door.
“you two are adults. just share the bed. it’s not a big deal.”
lando and y/n exchanged hesitant glances. they had been friends for years, sure, but sharing a bed felt... different. still, they both nodded, realising it was the most logical solution.
“fine,” y/n said, a touch reluctantly, “we can share the bed.”
as they got ready for bed, both of them were internally stressing. as y/n stood in the bathroom brushing her teeth, she couldn’t stop thinking about how close they’d be, especially when the mirror gave her the perfect view of lando laying on the bed, arm behind his head as he scrolled his phone. lando was trying to ignore the feeling in his stomach at the thought of lying next to y/n all night, one step away from googling alternatives to a cold shower. still, she climbed into the bed, each of them staying rigidly on their respective sides, trying to give each other as much space as possible - y/n half tempted to set up a pillow between the two to add some distance.
time passed and y/n found it impossible to fall asleep in the unfamiliar bed. she tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, and with each turn, the sheets rustled loudly in the otherwise silent room. every few minutes, she let out a frustrated sigh, clearly unable to settle.
lando, who was on the verge of falling asleep, noticed y/n’s restless movements. he heard her get up and walk to the bathroom, the sound of the door closing quietly behind them. after a few minutes, y/n returned and climbed back into bed, but the tossing and turning continued.
another sigh escaped y/n, and lando, though exhausted, turned over to face her.
“you okay?” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.
“yeah, i just... struggle to sleep in unfamiliar beds,” y/n admitted quietly.
lando sighed, his exhaustion outweighing his nervousness.
“c’mere,” he sighed, exhaustion outweighing his logic as he reached out, gently pulling y/n into his arms.
y/n’s heart raced, her body momentarily freezing up at the sudden contact but she relaxed into lando’s embrace as his hands settled on her hip, fingers extending along her skin. surprisingly, it did help. being close to him, feeling his warmth, was comforting.
as y/n’s breathing evened out, lando assumed she had finally fallen asleep, feeling a mix of relief and adoration for the woman that lay in his arms. he hesitated for a moment, his heart pounding. then, with a gentle, almost hesitant movement, he pressed a soft kiss to y/n’s head.
“good night,” he whispered, his voice tender.
“hmm night,” she mumbled back, barely conscious to recognise what was going on around her. it was better not to dwell.
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strwberri-milk · 3 months
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Hi, good morning/ afternoon/ evening. I've probably read all of your work on LnD, and I love them all. If it's not too much, can I request like the boys getting a call/update from MC after a disastrous wanderer attack on the city after not being able to contact them?? If possible, established relationship😅 ... thank you for your time!
im glad you like all my writing for them!! im so aefjaweofaw please give me the next main story update - also theres lots of references/imagery of death so if youre not chill w that i will see you tomorrow [salute] - theres also some very very slight references to their myths!! it feels a little ooc to me but thats bc. i think theyd be a little ooc when faced w a tragedy like this!! i hope you like it anyway <3
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Zayne holds his breath every time a new patient is admitted. The hospital is busy with all of the patients that are coming in with the disaster, a mixture of those hanging on and people running up to him because he's the closest doctor in the vicinity to confirm death.
He volunteered himself to do triage because he was convinced that he'd be able to stop you from dying, that if you came in through those doors he'd be able to separate his love for you from the mind that studied all those nights but that's impossible - he only got here because of you.
His mind runs circles around himself, almost separated from his body as he tries to figure out why you weren't there. Hopefully it's because you're fine - you don't need medical attention or the medics on site were enough for you. However, he knows there's an equal chance that it's just because a doctor onsite was able to confirm your death and now you were in some bag, stored away with the others waiting for him to come identify you.
When he finally gets a moment to himself he obsessively checks his phone, praying to something that might take enough pity on him to listen at the very least that you'll call him. Minutes turn to hours as he's called back to work. Silence is a commodity now as he's stuck in the theatre, only able to go home after he's exceeded the legal amount of hours he's allowed to work in one night.
The long turned cold water hits his muscles as his mind wanders in the quiet of his home. You still haven't called - nobody's called. He understands that surely, all of you are busy but he's been there when the calls have had to be made. To hear the sobs on the other side of the phone as a squad captain confirms the death of another hunter as they softly ask if they'd like to see the body. He's also seen the calls when the bodies are far too mangled, a sight that no loved one should have to bear. He's waiting for it, almost falling in his haste to grab his phone once it finally rings.
Your number pops up, the letters of your name taunting him as he tries to answer it. He's about ready to throw his phone on the ground from the water on his hand refusing to make picking up the call an easy feat.
"Hello?" Zayne asks, an uncharacteristic shake in his voice.
"Zayne! I'm okay!" you say, voice sounding a little weak but definitely better than he could have ever anticipated.
"Zayne? Honey? Hello?" you ask when you're met with only silence, now beginning to grow anxious yourself. You knew he must have been busy - you were too - and you thought he was safe. He should have been, you'd heard no reports of the hospital being attacked.
"You're alive," he chokes out, falling to his knees.
"Of course I am! Things have just been chaotic so I haven't had enough time to call you until now," you explain, continuing to talk to him.
You hear rustling on the other side of the phone, trying to get his attention again before he cuts you off.
"Where are you right now? Home?"
"Oh - yeah I'm on leave now. Most of us who were in active duty are to let his recuperate. How come?"
"I'll be there soon."
He hangs up immediately, leaving you a little stunned. You decide to clean up a little, having nothing else to do really until he comes over. Zayne never acts this impulsively so you assume that the day with no contact really wore on him.
Once he arrives you open the door for him, planning to apologise for the lack of contact when he almost throws himself at you. You hold him back just as tightly, a little shaken yourself as you close the door after him. You realise that for whatever reason he's soaking, unsure if you should confront that but you decide to ignore it.
He leads you right to your couch, too exhausted to even find your bedroom as he buries himself against your chest. It's not the normal way he lays with you - typically he likes to hold you - but you know not to bother him now. You can't deny you were worried about him too, knowing he probably put in a bunch of overtime at the hospital.
He holds onto you tightly, measuring out the beat of your heart. It's the only way he can remind himself that you're still alive, that the two of you have one more day together.
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Xavier has never felt like he wanted to die more than in this moment. One minute you were running with him, trying to stop the Wanderer from attacking the group of civilians the next you're totally gone. Logically, he knows you're most likely fighting a Wanderer by yourself and you can handle it but somewhere he's convinced you'll die without him at your side. You've proved yourself more than capable but he worries about you all the time - he knows how to fight these things, he's been fighting them for far longer than you have - and if you died here he'd have no more reason for living.
He practically goes beserk, tearing into each and every creature with the hopes that one of them can take him to you. With each failure he starts to spiral, standing atop a pile of rubble as he watches the recovery teams start to spread into the city. It practically took an entire squadron to force him to go home, promising him that he'd be the firs t to hear once they found you.
You were diligently following Xavier when you noticed another Wanderer going after a child. You knew that he'd panic once he couldn't find you but you couldn't just abandon them. You tried to tell him you'd be splitting off but over all the screams and screeches he couldn't hear you and you couldn't waste any more time trying to get his attention.
You were able to defeat the Wanderer but not before sustaining an injury that made it too difficult for you to continue active duty, taking the child to a safe spot and staying with them until help arrived. You ended up passing out from the pain shortly thereafter, waking up a day later to Tara in your face heaving a sigh of relief as she called for a doctor to come check on you.
Your body was simply fatigued and after an extra day of monitoring and ensuring you were receiving everything you needed to make sure you wouldn't collapse again when you get home. You nod, knowing what procedure is at this point. You reach out for your phone once the doctor leaves, knowing that Xavier must be worried out of his mind.
You're right, of course. He's laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he waits for someone to call him. He saw the scale of disaster this attack was, knows that everything is absolutely awful and he's not the only one waiting for news but every minute that passes is another minute you could be trapped, praying that he's coming there to save you.
He decides to ignore the strict orders he's gotten, suiting up to go help the recovery efforts. He was going bad staying in bed all day, unable to get a wink of sleep as pictures of your suffering flash across his tortured mind. Working on pulling valuables and any remnants of life is depressing on a good day but right now it's downright torturous. He can't help but think that the next thing he pulls out is going to be your hand, severed far from your body.
When his phone rings everything disappears. He quickly picks up, steeling his expression to avoid making things worse should someone look over at him. He doesn't even notice who called him, just hoping that it was someone with news.
"Oh! You picked up fast. Are you just sitting at home then?" you ask casually, so casually he thinks it's almost cruel. How could you act so nonchalant about the fact that you held his life in your hands, that you are the only thing in this world he can bear to wake up for?
"No, I'm helping the recovery efforts despite orders. I...it was too quiet at home," he offers as an explanation and you hum. He can imagine you nodding, tapping your chin as you think to yourself.
"If you missed me you could have just said so," you tease, hoping that the ease in your voice will make him relax.
"Of course I did. Is that even a question? Are you able to take visitors?' You know what, doesn't matter. I'll just wait there until you are. I'll see you soon love."
He hangs up quickly and you know that he'll appear in the hospital within the next two seconds with that uncanny ability of his. You straighten yourself out a little, knowing that you were injured but not wanting to look like a total mess.
You can hear his footsteps running up to your door, slamming it open as he catches his breath. You've never seen him out of breath before - maybe he's much more tired than you initially thought.
"You made it," you laugh, making a slight sound from the impact of him practically jumping at you, holding you tightly as he buries his face into your neck.
"I was worried about you," he says softly, looking up at you. "I thought you'd been hurt, badly. And I wasn't there to protect you."
You sigh, helping him sit down into the chair at your bedside. You offer him your hand which he holds gratefully, never taking his eyes off of you.
"I know. I'm sorry. But look, I'm okay now, aren't I?"
He ignores the pain in his chest, trying not to imagine how heavy your hand would feel in his if you really had drawn your last breath. That weight is far too familiar to him, haunting his every thought in the hours that passed between then and now.
"You are. And I'm going to make sure you stay that way," he promises.
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Rafayel didn't even know there was an attack until far after it. He knew you were working and that sometimes, you'd accidentally go MIA. You'd already texted him before your mission anyway and then he got drawn into another project of his and completely lost track of time. It's not until the next day that he finally sees his phone and the message from Thomas telling him not to come into the city for supplies for a day or so.
He immediately starts looking through articles, scouring pages that are constantly updating the death toll in search of your face. He curses himself for not paying attention earlier - every minute he wasted on some stupid was another minute you could have spent at Death's door, all because he allowed himself to forget that nothing matters if it's not you.
It's obsessive the way he looks through all of them, calling your phone non stop all the while. Every time he gets sent to voicemail he feels his breath get knocked out of his lungs, resorting to blowing up your phone with texts. When it's clear you aren't replying he grabs his keys to drive into Linkon despite Thomas' suggestion, knuckles white on the steering wheel as he heads to the hospital.
Even in all the chaos people can't help but stare a little as Rafayel makes his way to the counter, demanding someone tell him where you were. He's really trying not to be a brat, promising you that he'd be nicer to people but when it's your life on the line everything is up for debate. He goes through any and every possibility, figuring out what he can do to guarantee your survival.
Unfortunately for him, he gets escorted out. Jenna tries to calm him down, telling him that he'd be the first to know if they had any updates on you. Right now everything was just far too messy to know anything about anyone and there was a good chance that you were just being treated at a different hospital than usual due to the high causality count. He doesn't take no for an answer and manages to strong arm the name of the other hospitals you could have been sent to, starting up his car again right as his phone lights up with your name.
"What do you think you're doing not answering your phone?!" he yells, making you flinch.
Rafayel's never been mad at you, certainly not to this extent but you know that it's because he's anxious. He immediately catches himself too and you hear it, catching the sound of his hands against his steering wheel as he takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. Just - where are you?" he asks, sounding so exhausted that you feel like crying.
"I'm okay Rafayel," you say instead, adding the name of your hospital. He's immediately driving over as you talk to him, keeping your voice even.
"I was split up from the group is all, then triaged at a different hospital. I'm fine though - I managed to just sprain my wrist from overexertion so I'll have a sling for a bit-"
"You're staying with me then. I'm not having you stay alone with a broken wrist. Knowing you you'd do something dumb and make it worse," he scoffs, trying his best to drive safely to see you again. You don't bother to correct him, knowing that's the least of your worries.
You fall quiet, not sure how to respond. Rafayel has always been good at masking how he feels, rarely showing you what he's hiding behind his mask. Now he's an open book, making it clear that nothing will be okay until he sees you again.
"Okay," you agree, leaning further back into the pillows of your hospital bed. "They wanted me to be released into the care of someone if I could anyway. That's why I was calling you - that, and trying to return all your missed calls."
"Thank you," he says so quietly you barely hear him over the sound of his car.
"Of course my love," you say just as softly. "I knew you'd worry as soon as you saw the news."
Another moment passes between the two of you. Rafayel thinks his heart fell out of his chest - or it would have if it was still his to hold. Instead, it's beating firmly in your palm, only able to do so under your affections.
"Rafayel, I'm really fine, I promise. I'm just hungry. Let's get something for dinner, yeah?" you offer, hoping to redirect his energy.
"Yeah," he replies, exhaling deeply.
"Anything you want my beloved. Just name it and it's yours."
1K notes · View notes
devondespresso · 24 days
Text
Let Me Raise The Bar
T | 3,602 words | Steddie | also on ao3! | Modern AU, Meet Cute, Fluff
This fic is for the @strangerthingswritersguild fic exchange, by @starryeyedjanai and @devondespresso. Thank you to @dreamwatch and @bubblesandink for betaing for me!! <3
dividers by @/thecutestgrotto
edit: oh my god i forgot the keep reading the first time im so sorry guys
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This night is going terribly.
He keeps telling himself he’ll delete all his dating apps for good, but the prospect of being alone forever always has him re-downloading them.
Right now, he’s remembering why he hates them so much.
He hates Tinder, specifically—guys on Tinder only want to fuck. And if that was what he was looking for, that’d be fine, great even!
But he wants a relationship and guys on Tinder will say they want one too and then turn around and leave right after they get what they want.
At least guys on Grindr are upfront about it being just a hookup—no one’s getting their hopes up or feelings hurt when it turns out to be just that.
Tinder guys will take you on a date and pretend to be interested in you as a person and then won't fucking text back after they leave your apartment the next morning. It’s annoying and it’s frustrating and it’s a waste of Steve's fucking time at this point.
And this guy tonight isn't even trying to pretend. He tried to get Steve to blow him in his apartment building garage before they even left for the date and he really should have taken that for the red flag that it was.
But Steve looks good, and he did his hair routine that takes entirely too fucking long for no one to appreciate it.
His date drives him to this hole in the wall restaurant that Steve must have passed a million times on the bus ride to his job without ever noticing.
He thought he might be able to turn things around when they got there—it’s a small Italian place, a real family-owned type vibe to it. He knows before he even orders that the food is going to be some of the best he’s tasted since moving here.
He tries asking the typical first date questions to get to know him, but his date keeps giving him short answers. So he switches to talking about himself a little, but then he realizes his date’s been staring at his mouth the whole time he’s been talking and Steve finally snaps that he isn't getting into his pants.
Steve breathes out a deep sigh as his “date” gets up and goes to the bathroom. Some fucking date this is—they haven't even gotten their fucking food yet. What a disaster.
“Hey,” he hears their waiter—Eddie, his nametag reminds Steve when he looks up—say after a minute of his date being gone. “I hate to be the bearer of super bad news, but I just saw your date slip out the back door, and I don't know if he’s planning on coming back.”
There's a lilt of sympathy in his voice and Steve can't help but snort.
“Of course he did,” Steve says. “Why can't guys just be upfront about what they want? It would save everyone so much time.”
He’s not looking for an answer, but Eddie's mouth twists and he says, “Guys are stupid. I mean, they’d have to be to give up the chance to get to know someone as cute as you.”
Steve can't really muster up a smile at the pity, so he says, “Well, whatever the case, he was my ride home, so I think I need to call a Lyft now. Can you box the food up and bring me the check?” At least he’ll have lunch for tomorrow, which doesn't feel like an adequate consolation prize for how shitty he feels right now.
Eddie shakes his head and says, “There’s no way I’m letting you pay for such a shitty date.” Steve opens his mouth to protest, but Eddie continues, “Tell you what, my shift ends in ten minutes. Why don't I show you how I’d treat you if we went on a date.”
Steve's heart thuds in his chest, a flicker of hope in this incredibly dull evening. “Seriously?” he asks.
Eddie nods. “Think of it as a trial run. See if I rank good enough for a real one.” He winks and Steve finds himself nodding dumbly, still shocked at the rapid turn of events.
“Okay,” Steve says, kind of breathless.
Eddie heads back to finish cleaning up his other tables before he ends his shift, and Steve fills Robin in over text about what happened.
He’s still waiting for a response when Eddie shows back up with two plates of food, setting one in front of Steve and the other where his date sat before sliding into the chair across from him.
He’s wearing a different shirt, Steve realizes. It also looks like he attempted to wrangle his curly hair into something more manageable, maybe sprayed some water on it to smooth it down.
The thought that this guy, this random guy who happened to be his waiter on this horrific night, would put in more effort than his previous date makes Steve's cheeks get hot.
Maybe this night really can turn around.
“Alright, names. Hi, I'm Eddie.” Eddie says, sticking his hand out across the table cartoonishly for a handshake. Steve suppresses a laugh and takes Eddie’s hand with a smile.
“Steve.” He says, and Eddie’s eyes brighten before he takes his hand back.
“So, Steve, what do you do for fun?” Eddie says, leaning forward slightly with vibrant confidence, tone feeling more and more noticeably rehearsed as he goes. “Other than light up the room with that smile, of course.”
Steve huffs a laugh, blushing despite himself.
“You practice that one a lot?”
Eddie shrinks back a little, still smiling even as he messes with the hair on the back of his neck, already starting to ruffle what he’d tried to tame.
“Yeah, it’s uh…”
“It’s sweet.” Steve leans in a little closer himself, trying to match the effort Eddie keeps putting in. “Almost as sweet as the smile you're wearing.”
Eddie flushes pink and lets out a little “Thank you” to cover a nervous laugh—and christ, Steve is already hooked.
Steve hums and grabs his fork to start eating and Eddie mirrors him.
“Thank you for this by the way.” Steve continues, “Tonight's been… ugh, you know.”
“A special kind of shitty?”
“Yeah,” Steve sighs, “So all this is… really nice.”
“I'm glad.” Eddie says, voice soft before he shrugs and continues casually “M’hoping I’ll at least do better than the last guy.”
“Yeah, of course, you haven’t even asked me to blow you yet or anything.”
Eddie turns red and busts out a nervous laugh, looking away immediately. God, he’s so fucking cute.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm not–” Eddie looks back at him, nervous still, but sincere anyway, “That's not exactly my style.”
“You a wine and dine kinda guy?”
Eddie shrugs lightly, then he seems to get an idea, leaning in again with a smile “Actually– ideally, I'm a dine and mine kinda guy.”
A smile takes over Steve’s face that he can’t fully tamp down, a little flustered and a lot amused.
Eddie preens, then continues with a shy smile.
“Though, uh, usually it's more dine and…” Eddie pauses, “Pine. Dine and pine. You know, like pining.”
Steve makes his face relax as he nods and leans back. “Oh, yeah, like the tree.”
Eddie stops and looks at Steve, and soon Steve’s smile breaks out again.
“No, I know what you mean.” He says with a little laugh that Eddie quickly mirrors.
Eddie visibly relaxes, slouching overdramatically to the side with a sigh.
“God, I swear I’m usually good at this sort of thing, words and stories and shit,” He groans, gesturing around almost like he’s talking to himself, “But apparently I meet one pretty boy and suddenly I’ve got screws loose. And they’re all falling out, all across the floor, ‘there they go!’, y’know?”
Steve bites back a snicker and hums a quiet agreement. Eddie notices, though, looks up and sees right to Steve’s amusement, so Steve decides to save them both the embarrassment and move on.
“So your job. You like it here?
“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Eddie says, perking up and gesturing as he starts talking, “The owners are really cool, they were our neighbors– Wayne’s—my uncle’s—neighbors when I first moved in with him, way way back, and they were so chill, loved having people over. Then one time in highschool I mentioned saving up ‘cause I’m trying to make it big with my band, and they offered to give me a job here while we get there.”
“That’s awesome. Your band any good?”
“Depends on who you ask.” Eddie laughs, playing with the food on his plate, “Wayne says we’re pretty good, which is probably the equivalent of moms showing up to their toddler’s dance recitals, but it’s something.”
“Where'd you guys play?”
“The Hideout, a couple blocks down…”
Steve nods.
“Yeah, it’s, uh, pretty fun if you ever wanted to stop by.“
“Sounds like a great second date.”
Eddie blushes, playing with his hair again as he smiles and looks away.
“I’ll probably have to wear earplugs– not because of your band or–”
“No, no, no, you’re good–” Eddie says, almost jumping up to reassure him, “It’s metal, that’s normal– good, even.”
“Oh– good.” Steve says, a bit awkwardly, and looks back down to his food.
Eddie leaves barely a moment of silence before he pulls the conversation back together.
“So what about you? You just a professional bad-Tinder-dater?”
Steve huffs and fiddles with his fork.
“Guidance counselor, actually.”
“Oh damn, really?”
“Yeah, Middle school.”
“Oh god,” Eddie groans playfully, “I can't imagine going back there willingly.”
“Yeah, I mean, it can get pretty rough,” Steve shrugs, “It's good though. Kids start thinking about who they are, I get to try and make that a little less shitty.”
“That’s a tall order.” Eddie laughed into his glass. “I respect it though. Hell, just having a queer adult exist around me would’ve made a lot of it easier.”
“God, yeah. I've got practice, at least, for when they need more than just some guy standing around in an office.” he laughed, pulling out sarcastic air quotes for the next part, “ I ‘babysat’ kids in middle school before I graduated. Bunch of little shits but they were good kids– still are good. They're like four years younger than me though, so they're more like siblings than kids.”
“Yeah, bet they don't take well to ‘kids’.”
“Oh, they hate it.” Steve laughed and Eddie followed with him, “Always hated it, but Dustin put his foot down after highschool. Rob and I call them my ‘twenty-somethings’ now.”
“God, wait, how old are you?” Eddie laughed
“Twenty-six.”
Eddie laughed a little louder, a lively and full laugh that looked enchanting on Eddie.
“You'd love them, they're all–
Steve’s phone buzzes.
Both of them look over to it on the table. Steve moves it to the seat next to him, looked up to Eddie with an apologetic smile.
His phone buzzes again.
And again, and soon Eddie’s eyes flick in that direction, eyebrow quirking with barely-restrained curiosity.
Then Steve’s phone starts ringing, the electric guitars of Hammer To Fall creeping up in volume way too fast for comfort.
“Sorry–” Steve cringes, grabbing his phone and answering the call in a furious whisper, “Robin, are you dying?”
“No, but thank you for confirming that you aren’t.”
“I texted you what happened.”
“Yeah and it was vague as hell! I reserve the right to be a worrywart with this shit.”
“Yeah, I know.” Steve sighs, but can’t really argue with her on it. “This was going well, though–”
“Is.” Eddie chimes in, not trying to be loud enough for the phone to pick it up, just for Steve to hear him clearly.
“Is going well.” Steve smiles.
“Oooo okayyy.” Robin hums and Steve can hear her cheeky smile through the phone.
“Goodbye, Robin.” Steve says, failing a half-assed attempt to cover his amusement.
“Oh wait no, tell him if he tries anything I’ll–”
“M’not doing that.”
“I will though, I’ll go after him–”
“Oh woah you’re breaking up, can’t hear you.” Steve deadpans.
“Steve, I know–”
“Love you, bye–”
“Steeeeve–”
“Don’t pull your hair out.” Steve says and hangs up, coming back to the present to Eddie watching him, thankfully looking amused instead of annoyed.
“Sorry about that.” Steve says.
“No, no, it’s fine.” Eddie leans forward again, propping his head up in one hand, “So… friend?”
“Best friend, has to be to get away with shit like that so easily.”
Eddie snorts.
“What was she calling about?”
“I wasn’t clear that this new date thing was gonna be a good thing.”
Eddie nods civilly.
“She worries,” Steve continues, “Fuckin’ tinder dates, y’know?”
“Uh, not really….” Eddie smiles.
“Good for you. They’re all the same asshole in a different haircut.” Steve says, and Eddie smiles, laughing a little with him before continuing with something calmer, a little more earnest.
“Then why keep going to them?”
Steve shrugs.
“Call me an optimist, I guess.”
Eddie hums noncommittally, like he’s thinking more than he’s sharing, and continues the conversation in a lighter direction.
_
The rest of the date is wonderful. A little less chaotic, especially once they start finally eating their food for real, but what it lacks in eventfulness it makes up for in comfort. They’re not exactly quiet, but Eddie’s energy always comes with a sincerity underneath, like he’s bold and fun because he just is, and not because he’s making himself be.
It’s refreshing. And as the night goes on, it becomes intoxicating.
So when Eddie offers to save him the Lyft fee and just drive Steve home, Steve agrees, just to get a little longer in Eddie’s bubble.
Eddie leads him through the restaurant and out the back into a small parking lot with a handful of cars and one big van, decorated with a clearly hand-painted dragon on the side. Which, of course, ends up being Eddie’s.
“Dustin would love this thing.” Steve says as he hops into the passenger’s seat, not really thinking twice about it as he looks at the interior, eyes lingering on the big fuzzy dice with too many sides hanging from the mirrors.
“So Dustin is…?”
“A Twenty-something.” Steve laughs as he spins the fuzzy dice to see all of its sides. “He’s like my little brother. Loves DnD and science and… all the nerd shit.”
“Nerd shit?”
“Yeah, I mean– it's not my thing but it’s cool. I’ve played with Dustin and them a couple times.”
“Oooo, a bit of a nerd, are we?” Eddie hums in a weird, almost witchy voice.
“Casually.”
“Mmm, but you’re already down the path~~”
“Just drive, dude.” Steve says with a fond eye roll.
“As you wish, your majesty.” Eddie hums in his normal voice, giving Steve a glowing glance before shoving the keys in.
“Alright, I'm about to push your nerd-tolerance to its limits.” Eddie says, pulling out his phone with a grin. He connects it to the car and quickly turns it down before drums and guitar erupt from the speakers, and Steve flinches at the volume.
“Sorry, sorry.” Eddie whispers and turns down the music again.
Steve nods, and after a second of the music playing much more quietly, he finds it much more comfortable. Nice, even. The energy is quick and alive like Eddie is, though the aggressive vocals fit his outward aesthetic more than his borderline goofy demeanor.
“It’s not the music, I promise.” Steve says, saying it casually but meaning it sincerely.
“You’re fine, I get it.” Eddie laughs, a little too cynically for Steve’s liking.
“No, I–” Steve reaches for Eddie’s hand between them, intertwining fingers and bringing both hands up between them, “I’m serious, I like it. My head’s a little sensitive, been hit a few too many times, but it’s nice. It’s bold and very energetic… stuff that I already like about you.”
Eddie blushes hard—a sweet cherry pink—as he slouches, bringing their joined hands closer to his face like he’s trying to hide behind them. Eddie rests his forehead against the back of Steve’s hand and huffs a quiet laugh.
“God, you’re quite the charmer, Stevie.” Eddie says, and Steve finds his face warming too.
“And I’m guessing it’s working?” Steve laughs.
Eddie looks up at him, smiling wide.
“Oh, it’s working very well.” Eddie says, and brings their hands closer to him again to plant a soft kiss onto Steve’s hand.
Steve’s face goes warm again, lights him on fire, and Eddie’s smile turns slightly smug before he looks away.
“Alright,” Eddie says, looking back to the front to drive but not letting go of Steve’s hand. He even reaches his left arm over to change the gears, leaning into how silly he looks to make Steve laugh.
It’s sweet, it's genuine, and it's everything to Steve.
Eddie starts driving, hand still firmly holding onto Steve’s, neither of them willing to let go first. Steve looks at it as Eddie drives, splitting most of his attention between their hands, Eddie’s profile lit up by the colorful city lights, and the road ahead as he navigates Eddie to his apartment.
And if they miss a turn or two because Steve’s tired brain doesn’t want to watch the damn road? Eddie doesn’t mention it.
_
“Alright.” Eddie says, putting the car into park with his left hand again, though far less comically now.
He sits there for a second, quiet like something’s on his mind, so Steve waits.
“Okay, uh,” Eddie starts, looking vaguely down as he wanders through what he wants to say, “I had fun, I’m assuming by how the nights gone that you did, too…”
Steve squeezes Eddie's hand, and Eddie laughs.
“I had a really great time. And I want to do this again, if you want to.” Eddie glances up at Steve for a second before his eyes dart away again. “But I want to be sure you’re… you’re not being an optimist with me. That you want want this, y’know, because you're an amazing guy, Stevie. I don’t know how you keep having such shit luck but believe me when I tell you it's not because of you.”
Eddie looks back up at him again and keeps his gaze there, looking more relaxed now.
“So, uh, I would love to take you out again.” Eddie says, “If you want to.”
If he wants to, as if that's not the most romantic thing Steve’s heard in his life.
Steve almost says that. He also debates kissing him or pulling him into an awkward hug over the center console that he’s sure would be put up with no matter how uncomfortable it’d be. But Steve doesn’t, because Eddie continues before Steve can make a decision.
“What do you want?”
Steve resists the urge to say a cheesy ‘You’ and thinks about it, really thinks so he can put together words that make sense, so he can give Eddie a real answer.
“I want a long relationship. A real one, y’know?”
Eddie nods.
“And I want to get married, someday. I want someone who’ll stay that long, who will love and let me love them, all cheesy and clingy and shit.”
Eddie hums, searching Steve’s face.
“And?”
Steve looks down at the joined hands between them.
“And I’d love if it were you. You’re sweet, so sweet, but you’re also… alive. Everything you do, you’re…” Steve thinks hard for a moment, working out how to phrase it. “It’s like the world doesn’t weigh you down. And you’re so genuine and you’ll come and say what you mean like it’s nothing, and I think every one of the people in my life—my favorite people—would love being around you almost as much as I do.”
Steve looks back up to him, face hot with another intense flush, and tries to smile casually.
“Hate to break it to you, dude, but you’re kinda my perfect man.”
Eddie huffs a breathy laugh, face painted with disbelief and wonder.
“Okay, then. Case closed.”
“Yeah,” Steve hums, with as much fondness as possible. Steve leans in across the center console, bringing a hand up slowly, trying to signal that he’s leaning in for a kiss.
It takes Eddie a second, and Steve gets to watch him look down at Steve’s hand and look at Steve leaning in, gets to see the moment it clicked before Eddie lunges to meet him halfway and then some, making the hand that was supposed to cradle Eddie’s face hold onto the seat beneath him to keep their balance.
Eddie kisses him hard at first, bringing a hand up to card through Steve’s hair, excited and alive. Then Eddie seems to come back to his senses, moving back but taking Steve with him until they’re both leaning over the center again.
Their kiss softens, intensity melting out into fondness, gentle but passionate, warm and Steve wants to melt from it.
Still, Steve’s going home tonight, going to go upstairs to Robin and tell her all about it. He’ll get to have a good night's sleep in a bed that doesn’t need cleaning, and he’ll get to wake up to the idea of something new brewing fresh in his mind.
Steve pulls back gently and Eddie does the same, eyes flicking open one after the other, a smile on Steve’s face and another lighting up Eddie’s.
Steve catches his breath, feeling lighter now than he has in ages, and Eddie opens his mouth to say something again.
“Does this mean I can get your number?”
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769 notes · View notes
suncoved · 1 year
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STOP IT RAFE, YOU'RE BEING MEAN! — RAFE CAMERON
pairing; bestfriend!rafe cameron x fem!reader
summary; rafe has a strict rule that if you ever leave anywhere, you tell him. and when you break that rule, he goes ballistic (bsf!rafe cameron x reader)
warnings ; angst! verbal fighting, angry!rafe, kinda mean rafe, theyre both annoyingly oblivious.. warning this did not turn out how i planned it to be but im also not mad at it, idkkkk
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to say you were bored was an understatement.
it was a regular rowdy saturday night in the outerbanks, this nights party being at a random kooks house on the figure eight whose name you couldn't quite remember
you were nursing a forgotten red solo cup of punch in your hand, crowd-watching to pass the time.
it wasn't normal that rafe actually succeeded in convincing you to come to these things. because as much as you liked chatting with spoiled self-absorbed kooks over disgustingly sweet punch, you'd rather stay cuddled up in your fluffy pyjamas and watch sappy romcoms on rafe's couch.
but nevertheless, here you were. dreading every decision you had ever made up to that point as you watched rafe from across the room. a blonde kook girl climbing over him and straddling his hips, sitting on his lap as he smirked.
you knew you really had no right being mad at him because you weren’t dating.
but from the start of your more than 10 year friendship, rafe made it clear that you were and always will be his.
so why didn’t that rule go both ways?
with all the thoughts bouncing around in your head, you failed to hear a certain blonde pouges voice echo around you.
you snapped out of your state, consciousness returning to your mind as a hand was waved repeatedly in your face.
“hey! you there princess?” a smile adorned the boys face, a ratty snapback placed backwards on his blonde hair.
“yeah, jj. right here” you joked, smiling brightly back at him as you brought your cup up to your lips.
“thought we lost you there for a bit princess? what’d you doing standing here all alone?” jj asked, surprised to see your constant kook king shadow nowhere to be seen.
“just people watching, the usual. where’s kie?” you quickly changed the subject, wanting anything to get your mind off of rafe.
“around here somewhere i hope. gonna’ try to round everyone up to we can get outta here. early morning for us cut goers tomorrow, fish to catch and things to steal” you giggled at his joke, earning an even wider grin on his face.
you always liked jj. you thought he was funny, and he was the most loyal person to his friends that you knew. and despite his manic tendencies, you trusted him.
“have a nice night j. drive safe!” you said, watching him wink at you before he disappeared into the crowd.
with jj gone, you were left to your own thoughts agian, which was never a good thing.
you glanced over again at rafe sitting comfortably on the couch on the deck. the light from inside illuminating his face as he leaned over to the table, picking up a small bag of white powder and handing it to a random touran.
you bit your lip as you noticed the same blonde from before clinging to his side, rafe seeming unbothered but making no move to push her off.
god, you couldn’t even imagine how rafe would react if he saw you speaking to jj earlier. so why is it that he can literally let a girl dry hump him in the middle of a party and you shouldn’t care?
you didn’t know why you cared though, because rafe is you best friend, nothing more.
right?
you didn’t have time to think about that right now though, you just needed to get the fuck out of this party right now or you were gonna explode.
an idea clicked in your brain and jj dragged a drunk john b towards the entrance of the house, kiara and pope following quickly behind.
you decided that this was now or never, placing your red solo cup onto a random table as you walked towards them.
“hey jj!” you called out, his head immediately snapping towards you. “you think you could give me a ride home?”
it was nearly 30 minutes later that rafe noticed you were no longer in your spot in corner of the house. business was coming to a halt as he sold his last few grams of cocaine, a heavy wad of cash safely resting in his back pocket.
his eyes scanned the crowd for your face, but you were no where to be seen.
and rafe was starting to freak the fuck out.
he knew you wouldn’t go upstairs to any bedrooms, or go out for an impulse swim in the pool. and he knew most of all that you wouldn’t just leave without telling him, and the notification box in his voice remained empty from your contact.
he ran his hand roughly through his hair, pulling aggressively at the roots and cussing to himself frustrated.
his eyes widened as he saw your friend in the crowd, interrupting what ever useless conversation she was having, because until he knew you were safe, nothing was more important.
he asked rudely where you were, watching as her face morphed into shock that rafe was talking to her. because well, if it’s not plotting on the pouges or selling drugs, rafe doesn’t interact with anyone but you or his friends.
“i-i im not sure. i saw her leave like a bit less than half an hour ago. i thought she told you, she always does”
rafe clenched his jaw, hundreds and thousands of thoughts running through his head. “was she alone?”
“n-no. she was with that jj guy and his friends” your friend murmured, nervous she was ratting you out to the scariest guy in the whole of kildare.
it was safe to say that rafe was fucking pissed.
it took him less than a few seconds to put his keys into the ignition of his jeep and drive illegally fast to your house. you liked to piss him off often when you were in a mood, but never with your safety.
rafe never fucked with your safety, ever.
he murmured venomous cusses to himself and he walked towards your house, the pebbles from your mothers perfect drive way crunching under his feet as he speed to your door.
he made a beeline to the entrance of your home, the white arches welcoming and the doorway dimly lit by the porch lights.
he planted his feet straight on the 'welcome home' door mat, lifting his balled fist up to the door and sending booming knocks to the wood panel.
his knuckles were white as he clenched his fists so hard together there was sure to be crimson-red crescent indents from his fingernails. he was fuming.
the click of the lock releasing from the door snapped him out of his thoughts, the door handle turning and the lobby of the inside of your house quickly coming into view.
he locked eyes with your figure immediately, a pink fluffy towel in your hand as you dried your hair. you were only wearing a pair of long socks and rafes shirt which reached more than halfway down your thighs, your face bare of makeup.
you jumped as you saw the look on his face, an anger prevalent in his stare that you had never seen directed at you. fuck. you were in some deep shit.
you parted your lips to speak, but nothing seemed to come out. for the first time in your life, you were scared of rafe. not that he was going to harm you physically, no, never that.
but you knew how much he cared about you and your safety. you just wished he cared that much about your feelings. you wanted him to see that.
"rafe" you said, your voice coming out as a whisper as you watch the lines on his forehead crease together as thousands of thoughts ran through his head.
"what the fuck were you thinking?" he spat as he pushed you as softly as he could into the house so he could close the door, worried the cold of the night was going to make you shiver.
you didn't have time to answer before he started again, running a hand roughly through his hair as he huffed. "you just left? you fucking left a party at night without even texting me, and you let that fucking pouge drive you home!"
you rolled your eyes at the last statement, this was all about jj? "so that's all you care about? me going home with a boy i've known since third grade who just so happens to live on the cut? you don't give a shit about me, you just care about this stupid kook pouge rivalry!"
"don't say what you know isn't true ma. you know i care about you more than i care about myself." he stated, nearly all the anger in him draining out as he saw your eyes begin to fill with tears. he couldn't handle seeing you cry.
"how do i know you care about me rafe? because you don't seem to show it." you sighed pushing yourself as far away from him as you could, your back pushing up against the wall.
"don't fucking say to me y/n. i've loved you from the moment i met you." you finally stopped looking at the floor, lifting your chin so you made eye contact with him.
"stop it rafe, you're being mean" you whispered, mostly to yourself more than rafe. you couldn't listen to him say how much he loved and cared about you for one more second. not when you still had the picture of him being essentially dry-humped in the middle of a party by a girl you didn't even know.
"ma i love you. you know that. you're my world, my favourite girl. why are you fighting this?" rafe said, trying to hold you wrist in his hand before you quickly pulled it away.
"bec-because you can't just say all this then turn around and have make outs with other girls right in front of me. it-its not fair." you spoke, the tears finally making their way down your cheeks in steady streams.
rafe physically flinched at your statement, his palms getting sweaty and his heart rate increasing into rapid beats. was he actually going to admit his love for you right now, like this?
"what are you saying y/n?" he asked, his voice cracking as his face fell. his mind racing with how many outcomes could come out of this conversation.
"that i love you, you idiot!"
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inmyheaddd · 18 days
Text
wake up call - rafe cameron x reader
summary: pranking soft/tired!rafe after a party, by spewing absolute nonsense warnings: maybee slightly ooc rafe?? nothing really wc: 481 a/n: not too sure why i wrote this, i never write for obx 🤔🤔 i think its the drew starkey edits getting to me
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“rafe,” you patted his shoulder, “raaaafe,” he didn’t respond to you, only groaning as he turned in his sleep.
it was nearing 3 am now, and you had just gotten back from some party. you had been so exhausted just 30 minutes ago in the car as rafe drove you home, but now sleep seemed to be the last thing on your mind. rafe on the other hand, fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow. 
after scrolling on your phone for a little while and seeing a video of a girl pranking her boyfriend, you decided it would be a good idea to do the same to the brunette who was dead asleep next to you.
“it’s super important,” you tapped his shoulder, “rafe. quick, wake up.” you lightly shook his arm as he mumbled incoherently, then turned away from you. 
“rafe, it’s an emergency. the beach broke, i need you to fix it for me.” you added, your voice so full of worry that it made rafe stir around again, this time to face you, with his eyes still closed. “…what?” he muttered as he scrunched his face up in confusion.
“you have to fix it, rafe.” you bit your bottom lip, almost shaking with the laughter you were holding in.
“alright, alright. i’ll do it tomorrow, yeah?” he grumbled as he patted his arm around mindlessly, trying to find you.
“you better, it’s really important.” you thanked god that he couldn’t see the wide smile on your face, contrasting to the dead serious, worried hint your voice took on.
“also, can you buy mars for me?” you almost broke out laughing right then and there at the blabber you were coming up with. “i’ve had my eye on it for a while, y’know? i think it would match that red top i have really well.” 
“sure, whatever you want.” he mumbled languidly as he tried to pulled you closer to him, before his face scrunched up in confusion. 
“baby,” he said, “what the fuck are you talkin’ about?” he blinked his eyes open at you, his eyebrows knitted together. “are you high?”
“nooo, oh my god.” your giggles broke out as you threw your head back, “it was a prank! i’m sorry.” you didn’t sound sorry in the slightest, still laughing uncontrollably at your boyfriends confused, and likely annoyed expression.
he tutted, briefly shaking his head and turning it to the side. you weren’t too sure if you were imagining the tiniest of smiles on his lips or not. “don’t play that stupid shit on me, go back to sleep.” 
your laughter began to fade as he adjusted his position and turned you around, pulling your back flush against his front and wrapping his arms around you. 
“you’re no fun.” you muttered, nonetheless with a smile on your face.
“yeah, i know, baby.” you felt the ghost his lips on your neck, “talking about buying mars and fixing the beach. get some sleep.” 
now, you could practically feel the way his lips turned up on your skin. that was a huge win in your book. 
debating your choices, you wanted to see if you could push his buttons just once more.
“…rafe?”
a sleepy hum.
“if you could though, would you get me mars?”
silence. 
you figured he was asleep, so you took the loss and closed your eyes, but then he finally spoke:
“how much did you fucking drink?”
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another a/n: this is a rafe version of the “half asleep” grayson hawthorne fic that i wrote!! (sorry guys im incapable of coming up w something new rn…)
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no-144444 · 2 months
Text
false starts and unthinkable mistakes- o.piastri 81
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summary: oscar comes to you after a difficult race
pairing: oscar piastri (81) x Wolff fem reader
a/n: so yall… I wrote this on thursday before spa and guys… im feeling like a psychic now and not in a good way wtf.
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A false p1? What the fuck? He’d worked his ass off, driven perfectly, made all the right calls, and still it wasn’t enough because the car was 2 fucking kilograms underweight. It meant all his hard work was for nothing.
Fuck that.
Oscar walked through the paddock, a frown firmly on his lips as Lando and Zak tried helplessly to comfort him, but it was no use. He’d been disqualified, and you weren’t even there to comfort him. He did realise how this would have to happen someday, especially since he was dating another team’s lead engineer, but another part of him just wanted you to be there and hold him, the second he got off the podium. He wanted to share his victory with you, kiss you like the other boys were allowed to kiss their girlfriends, but Toto (also, sadly, your father) would never let you.
And then he wanted you waiting outside the stewards room for him after.
But you were probably too busy celebrating.
He walked into his room, thanking the boys for their kind words, but ultimately just wanting to be alone.
“Hi,” your soft voice surprised him. He whipped his head around to see you sitting on his bed, still in full Mercedes uniform. “Are you ok?”
He didn’t think about it, any of it. He didn’t think about the open door, all the cameras nearby, the open window that was at street level, he didn’t care.
He stalked over to you in 3 long steps, and kissed you, right then and there.
He felt you try to pull away, but his grip on your waist wouldn’t let you, as well as the arm wrapped around your neck. He wasn’t letting you go.
“Baby-“ you pulled away chuckling as he caught his breath. “Relax, I’m right here.”
He smiled, for the first time in an hour. “I know,” he took a deep breath. “Just happy to see you.”
You smiled. “How was the FIA?”
He sighed, sitting down next to you and wrapping his arms around you. “Bullshit.”
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled.
“I don’t care though,” he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “ ‘Cause you’re here.”
He felt your smile against his neck and felt a sense of pride in his chest.
“How did you sneak away so quickly?”
“My dad and I got in a fight over something stupid and he said he wanted me gone, so I left,” you shrugged.
Oscar held his breath. “Was it a fight over…?”
“Us? Yeah,” you clarified. “He wants us to break up.”
Oscar could feel his heart pounding a mile a minute. “Oh.”
“I told him he could shove it. Don’t worry Piastri, you’re stuck with me forever,” you chuckled, then pressed a comforting kiss to his neck.
He let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, and smirked. “Good.”
You kissed up his neck and his jaw, then landed on his lips, but pulled away when you heard the camera click.
One of the well-known photographers was at the door, looking guilty.
“Hey!” Oscar shouted, but they were already down the hall by the time you two got up.
“Fuck,” you cursed as he closed the door. “That’s going to be main news tomorrow.”
“It’s alright,” he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head into his chest. “We’re fine.”
You nodded, trying desperately to believe him but knowing it would definitely test things, especially with your dad.
“And don’t worry about your dad. I’m going to go talk to him,” Oscar promised.
“Osc, I can’t ask you to do that, no,” you shook your head, though you really didn’t want to deal with Toto’s inevitable hissyfit. You also didn’t want to deal with all the shit the press was going to say about you two. You could hear the articles already; “Oscar Piastri and Y/n Wolff. F1 princess going for the next winner?” And other shit like “Did Toto Wolff disown his daughter after she went to McLaren?”
And you knew your dad wouldn’t hold back on details if he was asked about it. He’d tell them you’d been dating for 2 years, he’d tell them you two lived together in the off-season, and he’d tell them that he didn’t approve.
“It’s alright,” he soothed. “I’m going to have to talk to him sometime.”
You nodded, but hoped Oscar wouldn’t.
“Anyways, let’s just relax for a few hours, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you nodded. You two lay together for a few hours, just watching some random show you two liked, and you fell asleep in his arms.
You two would be fine. Oscar would make sure of it.
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
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icallhimjoey · 3 months
Note
please bestie i want some soft love that's so second nature joe doesnt even have his attention with you whilst he gives it, please can you write something like that?
im not allowed to write right now because work and stress and boundaries and mental health etc etc so 🥰fuck you🥰 for this Wordcount: 1.8K
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Cotton Soft Touches Gentle Voices Smooth
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“What are you doing?”
You barely even heard Joe ask the question from across the room. You were so buried in whatever was happening on TV, focus completely zoomed in, mind somewhere else entirely. It took Joe another try for you to register the question directed at you.
“Hey. What are you doing?”
“Hmm?” you turned your head to Joe before your eyes followed and for a moment, you just slowly blinked at him. Something about his face combined with the fact that it really took you a minute to find yourself back in the room made you smile. You were so cosy.
“Watching TV.” you answered innocently, because you were, eyes back on the screen already.
You were warmly nestled into the sofa, curled up, knees pulled in, all comfortable in your white ribbed cotton pyjamas. The throwpillows and blankets on the sofa created the perfect nest for you to happily curl up into.
Snug.
Soft ambient light from several lamps placed in strategic corners lit up the room just enough. If you stood and opened the curtains a bit more, you could still catch the faint and fading oranges of the sunset.
You were shower fresh, limbs covered by white clean cotton, nose still a little cold from the difference in temperature after getting out of the hot stream, and wet hair cool where it touched your skin.
But you felt so warm.
So fucking cosy.
When you’d walked back into the living room post shower, skin glossy and wet hair brushed back, Joe had installed himself at the dinner table with his laptop and a notebook.
He’d cleared away the mess from dinner and had turned his spot into a desk.
“Just need to do these e-mails,” he said after you’d let your arms curl around him from behind, arms that he grabbed hold of for a second, and you kissed the top of his head.
“Will only be a minute.”
You’d left him to it then, not minding that Joe had some work to do, just happy that he was in the same room instead of hidden away in what he called the office and you called the guest bedroom.
The ‘only a minute’ easily turned into an hour plus. Joe kept busy on both his computer and his phone, and would sometimes scribble some things down onto paper. There was a phone call or two, just quick “Sorry to call so late, but have you seen the...” and, “Hey, yea, I'm just reading it now, can I call you back in a minute?” type things.
Joe became background noise to you the second you snuggled up, and similarly the low sounds coming from the TV were just a nice reminder that Joe wasn’t alone.
But then, halfway through typing a response to an e-mail, something in Joe’s peripheral vision caught his attention.
Something moving slowly.
A little rhythmically.
When he peeked over his laptop screen and saw his girlfriend looking just about the most comfortable she’d ever looked, he didn’t even think you were aware that you were doing it.
In your layers of soft cream fabrics, head slumped to the side, Joe saw how you let your fingers softly skim over the area below your ear. They danced in circles and lines by your jaw, onto your cheek just a little before trailing back to your neck and—
That was what Joe always did.
That’s where Joe let his fingers draw shapes.
He would brush some hair from your face and would then let his fingertips linger, and it always made you hum. Made you relax. Gave you tingles that made your hearing go funny for a second.
Joe watched you lazily self soothe, and after a moment he decided that he’d actually done enough work. He could finish this e-mail tomorrow.
“What are you doing?”
“Hmm? Watching TV.”
Your eyes were back on the screen before Joe could’ve even said anything about how you were touching yourself.
It was nothing sexual - not really. Not what he was witnessing right now anyway. He imagined it just felt nice.
He closed his laptop and got up from his seat, and without looking away from the TV, you moved to make space for Joe next to you, knowing he’d make his way over to press himself into your side.
Joe smiled as you moved blankets aside but kept that one hand near your ear, index finger mapping out your hairline towards the nape of your neck and back.
Instead of sitting down though, Joe pushed a knee into the sofa right next to your thigh and placed his fingers right were yours were, pushing them aside.
“I do this,” Joe said as he hovered over you, and you grinned as you let your head fall to the side more. “This is my job.”
Joe tickled his fingers along your soft skin, fresh and clean from the shower, and it only took a few seconds for you to sigh into his touch.
It was nicer when Joe did it.
“S’nice?” Joe murmured, still with just one knee on the sofa, and you hummed, eyes closed, nodding.
“Is nicer when you do it.”
“Yea?”
Joe leant forward to press a kiss to your cheek, getting you just under your eye, and then he moved to sit down next to you.
After a shuffle of throws, pillows, and limbs, you found yourself under Joe’s arm, curled up into his side.
You were comfortable before, but this would always be infinitely better.
“Hmm, you smell nice.” Joe commented after taking a moment to press his nose into your still damp hair.
“Yea? What do I smell like? Shampoo?” you whispered, voice not wanting to be any louder.
Joe easily bit, taking the invitation to get another real good whiff of you, his whole face now pressing into the crook of your neck.
You relished the attention, feeling fuzzy on the inside, heat blooming in your chest.
“Yea, sort of lemony… all fresh and clean.”
You blushed and were unable to hide your smile as you settled together for some TV watching, warm bodies pressed together, always fitting just right somehow.
Joe’s arm rested on the back of the sofa and bent around your head just right for his fingers to play. To touch the skin around your ear like you’d been doing before. To lightly trail and leave goosebumps down your whole body.
You could easily fall asleep like this, legs intertwined, head on his chest.
You lazily watched TV in silence for a while and if Joe was going to keep up the barely there shapes drawn down your neck you knew you actually would fall asleep.
It was becoming difficult to keep your eyes open, every blink a comfortable invitation to just keep them closed, but then the soft buzzing of Joe’s phone pulled you both from your haze.
Joe had your earlobe in between his fingers when he answered, and for a moment you were fully expecting him to get up. Move to where his laptop lay shut to open it once more to maybe finish something he hadn’t yet.
But when you tried to sit up a little for Joe to slip out of this cocoon you’d created, you felt his arm tense. He wasn’t letting go of the soft skin of your ear and to make sure you stayed put, he bent a leg to keep yours in place.
“It’s past ten, mate,” Joe answered and although you didn’t know who was calling him, just from his tone of voice you knew it wasn’t work related.
Joe gently rubbed your earlobe between his fingers and it felt so nice, it turned the world blurry as you unfocused your eyes.
When you relaxed back into him, sinking into the line of his body, Joe tilted his head down to look at you, barely catching your little smile but happy to see you were still enticed by whatever was happening on TV.
You weren’t though.
Not really.
Because as Joe spoke, he let his fingers continue what they’d been doing and if he thought you were able to try to follow his conversation as well as what you were watching whilst he made you melt with his touch, he was wrong.
You were bad at multitasking on a good day, and you knew Joe was too. The fact that he was somehow able to keep you lax and floating whilst simultaneously being mentally present for this phone call was impressive.
Joe laughed through casual conversation with a friend who had some questions about future plans they’d made. Their chat quickly turned into a hey-now-that-I’ve-got-you-on-the-phone catch up.
The low vibrations from his smooth voice were nice. You felt them where your face rested on his chest and relished in the tender love you were receiving that felt like a second nature sort of thing.
“No, I’m just at home. Watching TV.”
Not being mentioned suddenly made Joes fingers feel a little scandalous. Like the person on the phone wasn’t allowed to know you were there and how he was making you feel right now.
It got a little worse when you felt how Joe let his fingers trail down your neck to disappear into your pyjama top where they slowly caressed over your collarbone.
Your voice let a little noise escape when his hand snuck back up again, finding its way into your hair, and Joe chuckled lowly.
You let yourself balance on the borders of consciousness, half asleep with thoughts so far removed from where you were, yet half laser focused on Joe’s fingers and where they tickled your skin.
Unsure of when you’d drifted off, or when Joe had finished his phone call, the next thing you registered was a soft and low far away, “Have I done a plait?” that pulled you back into the room a little more.
With your eyes still closed you reached a heavy hand up to feel what was essentially just a twirled strand of hair, not a plait at all.
You couldn’t hide the little smile that spread at how adorable you thought it was that Joe’d just been playing with your hair and thought he’d actually done something.
He hadn’t.
He just made you feel loved, which was actually far better than a plait.
“Mhm,” you hummed approvingly, snuggling up into Joe more, understanding that it was likely much smarter to just get up and find your way into bed, but you’d quite literally never been more comfortable before.
“I’ve done a plait.” Joe whispered, gleefully proud of himself and making sure that you knew, that you’d heard him, give him some praise.
“Well done.” You lied, because he’d not done a plait, but that was okay.
You weren’t going to shoot yourself in the foot, because you were about to sink back into sleep and there was just one thing that’d make you feel even more comfortable.
That would send you right back off into sleep.
 “Do another.”
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The Taglisted
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yzzyhee · 4 months
Text
heartbreak girl - sjy
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PAIRING: best friend!sim jaeyun x yn (fem bodied)
WARNING: pet name (angel, baby) lmk if i missed anything, slight angst..? a lot of feelings involved, kinda mean heeseung??
WC: ~5k more or less
SYNOPSIS: jake has always been there for you through thick and thin — he was always there to take away your hurt, but when were you going to realise?
PLAYLIST: 5sos - heartbreak girl
A.N: hi everyone i just wanted to say quickly that it’s my first written fic, i have no idea what im doing tbf but i just really really liked the idea for a while and decided to give it a shot .. i truly accept any constructive criticism you might have idm this will probably be the first and last time i post something but ! do let me know what you guys think, it would mean a lot !!
ps. this one is dedicated to my wife @ja3yun seriously couldn’t have done it without ur advices so seriously tysm bb!!
I. “YOU CALL ME UP // IT’S LIKE A BROKEN RECORD // SAYING THAT YOUR HEART HURTS”
Jake sighs as his phone buzzes. Picking it up he sees your caller ID and for a split of a second he doesn’t want to pick up the call. As he glances at the phone he lets himself wonder what a different life would be like; if somehow in another life he could stop caring and ignore you.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath — that could never be a possibility. He’s sure that if that another life actually exists, the universe would somehow bring him together with you and all of this would eventually happen.
“Y/N?” he answers, trying to keep his voice steady.
“Jake…” you manag to say even though your friend can barely hear your voice. “He broke up with me.” you said as a sob escaped from you.
Jake feels like his own heart is shattering. Not for your and Heeseung’s relationship that was over for now but mostly for himself. He’d seen you go through this too many times, always falling for the wrong boys and always ending up heartbroken.
“It just hurts so bad, Jake..” you cry, your voice breaking.
As you continued crying and uttering words that made Jake’s heart drop at how you seem to hate yourself now, he feels like he could punch Heeseung if he were to see him now. Even though he has been there for you through many of your previous heartbreaks and also fights with Heeseung he never heard you cry so bad.
“Hey, Y/N.. Listen to me. Take deep breaths, stop crying, angel, please.” Jake says softly and it makes you stop crying over the phone for a bit.
“You’re more than just a pretty face, okay? Don’t listen to him. You’re smart, you’re kind and you’re wicked funny.. And I guarantee there’s a guy out there who will see what I see, okay?”
You take a sharp breath and nodd but quickly mutter a “Yes” as you realize he can’t see you through the phone.
“I just.. Why does this keep happening, Jake? Why are all the guys I end up with always such assholes?”
“It’s not you, angel. You’re really amazing, you know? Sometimes people like him… just don’t realize what they have right in front of them until it’s too late. He will definitely come crawling back to you in no time.” Jake says in a playful tone but his words held some truth — even through your fights Heeseung always came back.
You chuckle and it makes Jake smile. He hates seeing or hearing you cry, especially when it’s about your relationships and how you always deem yourself unworthy of love from anyone when it’s your boyfriends who just can’t appreciate you.
“Thank you, Jake. Thank you for being a friend. It’s so late right now..I’m sorry for bothering you.”
Jake chuckles as well. “You never bother me, angel.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow at 10.”
Then the phone call abruptly comes to an end and Jake sighs for the second time that night. He knows you won’t call, especially if Heeseung puts his ego aside and comes back to you tonight.
He takes the pillow from under his head and places it on top, muffling a scream as his own mind and especially you liked to play him in circles again and again.
II. HE TREATS YOU SO BAD AND I’M SO GOOD TO YOU, IT’S NOT FAIR
“Okay, enough.” Jake says as he looks away from you and Heeseung’s display of affection. “I’m seriously happy you got back together but I am still third-wheeling here…” he lies gritting his teeth.
To you it looks like he is actually happy for you and just annoyed by your public display of love with Heeseung but in reality? No, in reality he simply can’t stand seeing you act so in love with the boy when just three days ago he insulted you, called you mean words and broke it off. Just for him to come back to you, act all sad, say sorry and you forgive him just like that.
You push Heeseung slightly off you and lean closer to Jake to take his hand in yours, giving it a small squeeze. “I’m sorry, Heeseung just really wanted to come to the drive-in movie and I couldn’t say no..”
Heeseung drags you back into him and puts a hand over your shoulder while the other is sneaking between your thighs. You giggle and slap his hand away while muttering that “Jake is right here”. Jake quickly adverts his eyes, finding the movie on the playing suddenly interesting.
“Oh, it’s getting rather chilly…” you say after a few minutes and look longingly at your boyfriend, hoping for him to get the message and give you his jacket.
“I told you to bring a jacket, dummy.” Heeseung says, rolling his eyes but making no move of giving his jacket to his girlfriend. “How about you go get us some drinks, baby? Maybe if you move a bit you can get warm.”
Jake shakes his head at his words and scoffs. He takes off his jacket and puts it on your shoulders. “Here, Y/N.”
You smile gratefully at Jake, your eyes softening. “ Thank you, Jake. You’re the best.”
“Anytime,” Jake replies, his voice gentle. He glances at Heeseung, his expression hardening. “You should take better care of her, man.”
Heeseung shrugged, not even bothering to spare Jake a look. “She’s fine. She can handle herself.”
Jake clenches his jaw, resisting the urge to say something more. He hates how Heeseung keeps treating you, how he takes you for granted and never caring. He treats you so bad and he’s so good to you — it just wasn’t fair.
During the movie that Jake paid no attention to , he couldn’t help but compare himself to Heeseung. What does Heeseung have that he doesn’t? Is it the hair, the stupid leather jacket he always wears, the bambi eyes, the way he carries himself with such confidence or the way he seems to effortlessly attract attention wherever he goes?
Or maybe you just happen to like the way Heeseung makes you feel after all. The excitement of the chase, the push and pull, the high and low that came with every fight and every word in it, making it hurt but also giving you a rush feeling.
But he knows you. In the long run you don’t actually want all of that. As he steals a glance at the two of you, he feels like he could scream out right now that you could be with him now. He could offer you love, stability. He decides to push off that idea out of his mind as fast as it came. You are happy with Heeseung for now and that’s all that matters.
He feels a hand on his shoulder, a gentle touch that brings him back to the present. He looks up to see you, seeing your soft smile but when he looks into your eyes he sees sadness lingering behind them.
“Hey, we’re going to head out… Heeseung needs to meet up with some friends.” you say quietly to Jake, your voice barely above a whisper.
Jake frowns, feeling frustrated. “You can stay, can’t you? You love this movie!” he exclaims, his voice louder than he intends, hoping that Heeseung can hear the disappointment in his voice.
You purse your lips and shake your head. With a low voice you mutter an apology and start to take his jacket off to return it to him but he stops you.
“Keep it.” Jake tells you offering a smile that doesn’t quite reaches his eyes.
You nod, getting up quickly and follow Heeseung to leave the drive-in movie location. You take one look back to wave goodbye at Jake, seeing him standing there, his eyes locked on you.
Jake watches you leave, the weight of unspoken words heavy on his heart. He waves back, his smile fading as soon as you turn away.
He closes his eyes and looks up at the sky, the cool night air brushing against his skin. The stars twinkle above, indifferent to his inner turmoil. He takes a deep breath, the chilly air filling his lungs, and lets it out slowly, his breath visible in the night air.
In the silence of the drive-in, the sound of distant car engines and the murmur of people leaving fill the background, but Jake is lost in his thoughts. He thinks about all the moments he’s shared with you, the laughter, the tears, and the quiet times where just being near you was enough. He thinks about the way Heeseung treats you, and it makes his chest tighten with frustration and longing.
Jake opens his eyes, the stars still sparkling above, offering no answers, no solace. He knows he can’t keep this to himself much longer. The longer he waits, the more he sees you getting hurt, the more it eats away at him. But he can’t do it. He knows you need to know that someone out there loves you deeply but what if it his feelings would ruin everything for good? For now, all he can do is be there for you, as he always has been. He turns away from the screen, walking slowly to his car. As he gets in and starts the engine, he glances back at the empty space where you had been sitting, the memory of your sad smile etched in his mind.
III. SOMETIMES I’M SO CLOSE TO CONFESSION
Jake sits in his room, the soft glow of his desk lamp casting long shadows across the walls. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words. For weeks now, he’s been wrestling with the idea of confessing his feelings to you, his best friend and the person he cares about most in the world. But every time he tries to gather the courage to tell you how he feels, his fears and insecurities hold him back, trapping him in a cycle of doubt and self-pity.
“Hey, Jake, are you listening?” your voice takes him out of his thoughts. You get up from the bed and go sit on the desk chair next to him.
“No, sorry.” Jake smile sheepishly. “You were saying?” he attempts to play it off.
You roll your eyes. “I was talking about this new book coming up…” you trail off, talking about the upcoming release of your favourite author.
Jake can’t help but let himself watch you. He thinks about the way you smile, the way your soft giggle fills the room and makes his heart skip a beat and the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about just like now.
And as he listens to you talk, he can’t help but feel a sense of longing wash over him, a longing to tell you how he feels, to lay his heart bare and risk it all for the chance at something more.
“Y/N I-“ Jake suddenly interrupts you but his bravery doesn’t last long.
As the moment passes, the words stick in his throat, suffocating him with their weight. He wants to tell you, he really does, but the fear of rejection holds him back, paralyzing him with its grip.
“Yes? Did you want to say something?” you ask him and look up to him just to see him shake his head and motioning for you to continue talking about the book.
And so he sits there, silent and still, watching you with a mixture of adoration and regret, wishing he could find the courage to take the leap and tell you how he feels.
As you continue to talk, oblivious to the turmoil raging within him, Jake can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to hold you in his arms, to kiss you under the stars, to whisper words of love into your ear. But for now, all he can do is watch and wait, hoping that one day, he’ll find the strength to confess his feelings and take a chance on love.
“You will come with me, right?” you say to him suddenly. “To the book release? Heeseung doesn’t want to come, he thinks it’s silly..”
Jake's heart skips a beat at your words, his mind racing with a mixture of excitement and nervousness but also anger towards Heeseung — how could he think your passion, your hobby is something silly and telling you that to your face nonetheless? Jake keeps those thoughts of your boyfriend to himself. However the thought of spending time alone with you again, of being by your side as you indulge in something you love and hanging out just like old times, fills him with a sense of warmth and anticipation.
“Of course, Y/N,” he says, his voice soft.“I’d love to come with you.”
A smile spreads across your face, and Jake feels his heart swell with happiness at the sight. For a moment, everything else fades away, leaving just the two of you, lost in the moment together.
And as you talk excitedly about the upcoming event, Jake can't help but feel a sense of hope stir within him. Maybe this is his chance, his opportunity to finally confess his feelings and take a chance on love. And as he looks into your eyes, he knows that no matter what happens, he'll always be there for you, ready to support you and cherish every moment you share together.
IV. I’M RIGHT HERE, WHEN YOU GONNA REALISE // THAT I’M YOUR CURE?
“Heeseung, what’s gotten into you?” you ask, frustration clear in your tone as you watch him pace around your living room.
Heeseung stops and scoffs. “Are you serious?”
You fight the urge to roll your eyes. Ever since he tagged along to the the drive-in movie hang out between you and Jake and then found out you went with Jake to your book release event he started to act out. He rejects your ideas to go out on a date, he rejects initiating any kind of intimacy to you — even refusing to hold your hand, something he’s never done in your 6 months relationship.
You can’t help but feel confused and hurt by his sudden change in behaviour. He used to be so affectionate even if you had a fight and was always eager to show you off on dates and such but now he seems like a completely different person.
“Seriously, Heeseung. Talk to me, what’s going on?” you press, your voice tinged with worry.
Heeseung looks at you and steps closer. “You’re in love, baby.” he says while putting a strand of your hair behind your ear, smiling softly. “But not with me.”
“What?” you say, your mind racing as you try to process what he just said.
“I think you should give Jake a call.” Heeseung continues, his expression earnest though you can’t help but feel puzzled by his sudden insight. Heeseung chuckles. “C’mon, baby. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? How your eyes always light up when he’s around or how you always talk about him when he’s not and bring him up whenever there’s an opportunity? Or how you always compare what I do with what he does?”
You part your lips slightly, caught off guard by his observations. His words hit you like a bolt of lightning, sparking a flurry of emotions within you.
“But… I…” you stammer, struggling to find the words to express the tumultuous thoughts swirling in your mind.
Heeseung reaches out, gently cupping your face in his hands. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says softly. “I understand. Hell, I’d fall in love with the guy too if he were to always drop everything and be at my beck and call. How did you not realise everything sooner? I swear, he has been so obvious the past weeks.” he chuckles. “Actually, did you know he had a presentation on the day you went with him to the book release? He talked with his professor to present it earlier so he could come with you.”
Heeseung’s words hit you like a sudden gust of winter wind, cutting through the air with their sharpness and leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. His observations about Jake’s actions leave you reeling, the realization sinking in like a heavy weight on your chest.
“I… I didn’t know,” you whisper, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggle to process the information. “I didn’t realize he was going out of his way for me…”
Heeseung’s hands drop from your face, his expression softening with understanding. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says gently, his voice a comforting presence in the midst of the storm raging inside you. “Sometimes, it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re too close to them.”
You nod slowly, feeling a sense of guilt wash over you at the thought of all the times you may have overlooked Jake’s gestures of affection. How could you have been so blind to his feelings, so oblivious to the depth of his love for you?
Heeseung leans in closer and kisses your forehead. It’s a tender, lingering kiss, filled with a mixture of sadness and acceptance. He pulls back, looking into your eyes one last time with a strained smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. The weight of the moment hangs heavy between you, and you can feel the finality in his actions. He turns and walks towards the door.
You watch him leave, your heart aching as he steps out of your apartment. The door closes behind him with a soft click, and you stand there, feeling a profound sense of loss. Part of you wants to run after him, to call him back and somehow make everything right. But you know that some things can’t be fixed with a few words.
You move to the window and peer out, hoping to catch a glimpse of Heeseung, hoping he would turn back and give you one last look. But the street below is empty, and the cold night air feels like a reflection of the unresting feeling inside you.
For the first time after a break-up, you don’t call Jake. You take the night to yourself, the silence of your apartment enveloping you like a cold winter's night. Your mind is a whirlwind of confusion and heartache, the echoes of Heeseung's words lingering like a biting chill.
As you sit alone, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, your thoughts turn to Jake. The realisation that he might have deeper feelings for you sends a shiver down your spine. You’ve always seen him as your rock, your dependable best friend, but now, faced with the possibility that his feelings might run deeper, you feel an icy grip of uncertainty and fear tighten around your heart.
You think about all the moments you’ve shared with Jake, the late-night conversations, the inside jokes, the way he’s always been there for you. How could you have been so blind to his feelings? The thought of potentially hurting him, of disrupting the comfortable dynamic you’ve always shared, fills you with a sense of dread. It’s like stepping out into the harsh winter wind, unsure if you’ll be able to find your way back to the warmth and safety you’ve known.
You wrap the blanket tighter around yourself, seeking comfort in its embrace, but your mind continues to spiral. What if you don’t feel the same way? What if your feelings for Jake are merely a reflection of your gratitude and dependence on his unwavering support? The thought of leading him on, of giving him false hope, sends a pang of guilt through you. The guilt eats at you for not noticing sooner, for being so wrapped up in your own relationships and dramas that you missed the quiet, steady love that Jake might have been offering all along. It’s a chilling thought, realizing how much you might have overlooked in your pursuit of fleeting romances with others.
Your heart and mind feel like a frozen landscape, barren and cold, with no clear path forward. You can’t deny the flutter of something more when you think of Jake, but it’s buried under layers of confusion and fear. You’ve been through so much heartache, and the idea of risking your most cherished friendship for a chance at something more feels like walking on thin ice, fragile and treacherous.
The night wears on, and the cold, empty silence of your apartment presses down on you. You long for the warmth of Jake’s presence, his soothing voice and reassuring words, but you know you can’t run to him this time. You need to sort through your feelings, to understand what’s real and what’s born out of loneliness and a desire for comfort.
As the hours pass, you come to a bittersweet realization. You need to protect Jake from potential heartbreak, to shield him from the uncertainty that’s freezing your heart. You care for him too much to risk his happiness on your unresolved feelings. And so, for the first time, you decide to face this winter storm on your own, hoping that in the process, you’ll find clarity and the strength to either embrace or gently let go of what could be.
Tomorrow, you’ll see him, and maybe the warmth of his smile will melt some of the ice around your heart. But tonight, you wrap yourself tighter in your blanket and let the winter winds of your emotions rage on, knowing that some answers can only be found in the stillness of the cold.
You don’t see him tomorrow. Instead, you chose to run from him, from his feelings and your own. The weight of your confusion and fear makes you retreat further into yourself, wrapping the cold, comforting solitude around you like a protective cloak. You bury yourself in college work, books and anything that can keep your mind occupied. Yet, in the quiet moments — those still, silent spaces between the busyness — your thoughts inevitably drift back to Jake.
The look in Jake’s eyes when he’s with you haunts you. It’s a look filled with warmth and unspoken words. A look that now seems so painfully clear in hindsight. It’s as if he’s always been there, offering you a love as constant and reassuring as the summer sun, yet you were too caught up in the fleeting, cold winter winds of other relationships to notice.
Jake’s feelings for you feel like a warm summer day. They’re gentle and persistent, bringing light and comfort into your life without demanding anything in return. His love is the kind that warms you from the inside out, melting away the icy barriers you’ve built around your heart. But now, the fear of stepping into that warmth, of risking the friendship you hold so dear, keeps you trapped in a winter of your own making.
Meanwhile, Jake is left adrift, confused and hurt by your sudden withdrawal. He tries to seek you out, to understand why you’re avoiding him, but every attempt is met with distance. He feels like he’s chasing shadows, reaching out for something that slips further away with each passing day. He even tried to talk with Heeseung, hoping that the man knows something of why you’re acting this way towards him but much like you, Heeseung avoided him.
As the days turn into a week, the winter storm within you begins to show signs of weakening. The relentless busyness that you’ve thrown yourself into can’t keep the feelings at bay forever. In those quiet moments, when you’re alone with your thoughts, you start to feel the warmth of Jake’s love seeping through the cracks in your icy defenses.
You remember the way he looked at you, the gentle, unspoken promises in his eyes. The realization that you’ve been running from something so genuine, so pure, starts to thaw the fear and confusion that have held you captive. The warmth of Jake’s love begins to melt the ice around your heart, and you start to see things more clearly.
You know you can’t avoid him forever. The thought of hurting Jake, of causing him pain with your indecision, is unbearable. You decide that it’s time to face your feelings, to confront the truth that you’ve been so afraid of. You owe it to Jake, and to yourself, to be honest about what’s in your heart.
With a deep breath, you pick up your phone and send him a message, asking to meet. The anticipation of seeing him again fills you with a mix of dread and hope. You know the conversation ahead will be difficult, but it’s the only way to move forward.
As you wait for his response, you feel a sense of clarity. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but you’re ready to step into the light, to embrace the summer warmth that Jake’s love promises. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that the path you’re most afraid of is the one that leads you to the happiness you’ve been searching for.
“Ofcourse. When and where?”
His response is immediate, no hesitation, no hint of the confusion and hurt you know he must be feeling. The simplicity of his words, the readiness to meet despite everything, brings a small, bittersweet smile to your face. You suggest a quiet café near campus, a place you both know well, and set a time for the next afternoon.
The next day, as you make your way to the café, your mind is a whirlwind of emotions. The warmth of the spring sun on your face feels like a promise, a gentle reassurance that everything might just be okay. You take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, and step inside.
Jake is already there, sitting at a corner table. The sight of him sends a rush of emotions through you — relief, nervousness and a profound sense of familiarity. He looks up as you approach, and his puppy like smile is like a beacon of warmth cutting through your lingering uncertainty.
“Hey,” he says softly, standing up to greet you.
“Hey,” you reply, your voice a little shaky. You both sit down, and for a moment, there’s an awkward silence. Jake’s eyes search your face, and you can see the questions and concern in them.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” you start, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just needed some time to think.”
Jake nods, his expression understanding but guarded. “I’ve been worried about you,” he admits. “I didn’t know what was going on, and I… I missed you.”
His words hit you like a gentle breeze, warm and reassuring, but also filled with a depth of emotion that makes your heart ache. “I missed you too,” you confess. “I needed to figure out some things… about us, about my feelings.”
Jake’s eyes widen slightly, a flicker of hope and fear crossing his face. “Us?Your feelings?” he echoes, his voice tense with anticipation.
You take a deep breath, gathering your courage. “Jake, you’ve always been there for me. You’ve been my rock, my best friend, and… I’ve realized that maybe, I’ve been blind to something that’s been right in front of me all along.”
His eyes are locked onto yours, and you can see the hope growing, the warmth in his gaze like the sun breaking through the clouds after a cold cold winter day. “What do you mean?” he asks softly.
“I mean…” you struggle to find the right words, the right way to express the tumult of emotions inside you. “I think I’ve been so caught up in my own fears and insecurities that I didn’t see what was right in front of me. You’ve always been there, and I’ve come to realize that… that I care about you, Jake. More than just as a friend.”
There, it’s out. You think as you let the words out of your mouth. The words hang in the air between you, a confession that feels both terrifying and liberating. Jake’s expression softens, a mixture of relief and overwhelming emotion flooding his face.
“I’ve cared about you for a long time.. I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner,” he admits, his voice shaking slightly. “I didn’t know how to tell you without risking what we have. But hearing you say that… it means everything to me.”
You reach across the table, taking his hand in yours. The simple touch feels like a lifeline, grounding you in this moment of vulnerability and honesty. “I’m scared, Jake,” you confess. “I’m scared of losing what we have, but I’m more scared of never knowing what we could be.”
Jake squeezes your hand, his grip warm and reassuring. “We’ll figure it out together,” he promises. “We’ve always been there for each other, and that won’t change. I want to be with you, Y/N. Not just as your friend, but as someone who loves you.”
His words are like the first true warmth of summer, melting away the last of your fears. You smile, a genuine, hopeful smile, and nod. “I want that too, Jake. I want to see where this goes, with you.”
As you sit there, hand in hand, you feel the ice around your heart finally melt away, replaced by the warmth and promise of a new beginning. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but with Jake by your side, you know you’ll face it together, one step at a time.
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kitashousewife · 1 year
Text
“can you cancel my meeting for thursday?”
“sure, just let me-“ your eyes narrow at the laptop you had been typing on minutes earlier. “no, i can’t cancel that.”
sakusa pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.
“what’s the point of having an assistant if you can’t manage my schedule?”
his dig is meaningless, and you know it. it’s been a few months as his assistant and despite your best efforts, he’s been a tough egg to crack. lately though, he’s been a bit better about letting his personality shine through.
which is both a blessing and a curse.
“sakusa-“
“kiyoomi,”
“okay kiyoomi,” you roll your eyes. “i can’t cancel that and you know it. it’s way too close and besides, it will be good for you!”
about a month or so, sakusa and a couple other members of MSBY got asked to attend a sponsorship dinner. this dinner was much larger than the others, hosting almost five hundred of japans best athletes. it was going to be huge. since the day it got added to his schedule, sakusa has been trying to get out of it.
“im starting to not feel good,” sakusa comments, fidgeting with his water bottle in front of his kitchen counter that you’ve set up at.
“really? not feeling good enough to go out with bokuto-san tonight then, right?”
he huffs. “no, it’s not that bad.”
“great! then you can come on thursday.”
sakusa gives you an irritated glare, then groans. he gets even more annoyed when you don’t respond to that, either.
he shuffles over to the couch, flopping down to mess around on his phone. a few minutes pass by before he decides to speak up again.
“what if i just don’t show up?”
“then you can say goodbye to any sponsorships in the future, is that what you want?”
you turn around on the bar stool and face him. he won’t meet your eye, pouting from the couch. on one hand you understand. crowds aren’t really his thing, neither is pointless socialization and rubbing elbows in behalf of faux-support and the hope of donations. but, this would be really great for him and the others invited. a chance to see other sponsors, get their face out there while getting a free meal out of it.
“how about we make a compromise?”
“unless it involves me not going, im not interested.”
you stand up, walking over to his place on the couch. he moves his long legs to let you sit down.
“you need a new suit for this, that the team is paying for,” you add before he has a second to open his mouth. “how about tomorrow, we pick up a new one, get some new shoes, stop by the restaurant you like, and i’ll cancel the rest of your meetings for the week.”
this piques his interest. it’s only monday and each day has at least two, maybe three stupid meetings at some point. this is of course in addition to the two personal training sessions, practices, scrimmage, and psychical therapy appointments scattered around. a week off would be a dream come true.
sakusa hums. “fine.”
you smile, getting up to return back to your seat and start working on making calls to cancel the various extra things going on.
“see, now we both get what we want. i’ll move everything around now.”
“what would i ever do without you,” sakusa sighs, voice sarcastic and dry. you laugh, not thinking twice about it, but he means every word.
now all he needs to worry about is getting his suit, and asking you to be his plus one.
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