#but now they bring you to the post its telling you about

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Love

People say I'm too sensitive. I take everything too seriously. I laugh too much, and cry too hard. But I must ask them: How could you not?

How could you not love the cheap plastic toy that comes with your Macdonald's meal, knowing that it was the product of a thousand years of innovation? How can your heart not break at the sight of it, holding a miracle of modern technology that your ancestors could not even dream of? How can you not weep, when faced with the badge of progress?

I must stop to listen to the off-tune jingle of the supermarket, because it is the product of a thousand musicians dedicating their lives to building and discovering musical theory. I must hug my friends every time I see them, because out of the millions of people in the city, we found each other. I must photograph every cat I see because I was lucky enough to see them from this angle, at this time.

Life is a swarm of chaos, of an infinity of worlds and combinations and choices, and somehow I ended up here, at this moment and in this place. Can you not see how astronomically unlikely it was? Each of us, and the world we have been born into, is a miracle in and of itself. The fact that just the right sperm and egg matched for a thousand generations is beautiful enough to bring me to my knees.

That this is on your screen right now should be enough to crack Earth itself apart with emotion. So much went on behind the scenes for these words to live in our minds. To think! We had to invent language, give meaning to scribbles and lines. We had to invent electricity, and its children, social media and wireless transmission. You had to scroll through and see this post out of the millions of others circling the web right now.

Even the worst irritants and pains in the world are beautiful. Those rock pigeons crapping on the floor have feathers that shimmer like a peacock's tail. The morning traffic jam is hundreds of people living in synchrony, tied together by fate and chance. The morning alarm clock that wakes you up was made by a forgotten soul in a faraway factory long ago, a soul who is connected to you by one thing: that clock.

So I will love the adverts on the walls, because we are a species who somehow managed to bring meaning to those squiggles and lines on the wall. I will love the rotting garbage lying on the sidewalk, because we have the abundance in this world to waste food in any amount. I will love you, and myself, and even the people I despise, because we all somehow ended up in this world together, and met each other against all odds.

Companion piece to Envy and Rage.

Taglist:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch

@ramitola, @urnumber1star, @fortunatetragedy, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn (Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[ashascoven]

☽ ✯ venture x witch! reader pt. 1! ✯ ☾

✯ welcome to my first venture fanfic ever!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

✯ my venture fixation and endless fanfic reading of them has led me here, hours deep into writing my own...

✯ now that im typing this at 4 am on a school night.. i might have to post this in multiple parts..... 23 pages of fanfic that's still a wip uh oh!!

✯ ahem, i hope theres some fellow venture lovers out there who'll enjoy this! happy reading! :D

☆ FANFIC DEETS! venturexreader ☆

reader is a female who practices witchcraft! i wrote her that way because i also am a witch irl! :,)

VERY lengthy build-up fanfic (LOTS of reading.. i type a lot i think?)

venture is referred to as sloan <3

lifeweaver is besties with the reader, referred to as niran!

everything related to witchcraft here may be exaggerated / inaccurate for fanfic purposes.. but i tried writing it all into an experience > just reading!!

eventual ritual smut....

feel free to hmu, hope u enjoy :D

For every night that the full moon showed her face, the couple would be outside to accompany her. •°. *࿐

They'd bask in her glow to the grounds below, cherishing the energy of grace that she brings with her starry companions and practicing gratitude with her.

Both of them would dance around in the grass with bare feet, laughing away at each other's joys until they're so dizzy that they land into the planet’s arms, hand in hand, heart to heart. 𓆩♡𓆪

Gazing at the shapes of the misty clouds above their heads, they'd point out whichever ones reminded them of each other with giddy smiles on their faces.

Sloan would roll over with that sweet, chipped grin of theirs, facing you and holding your face gently.

Their thumb would run along the corner of your lips, eyes sparkling at how much they could just take you under the skies right now. 

“ah, mi cariño, you're so.. beautiful. no crystal in the world could ever compare to your beauty.”

You'd turn to face them, putting your hand above theirs with a blush on your face.

“oh, sloan! you're too kind, my charming agate..”

“anything for the gem that makes my heart race.”

The two lovers would giggle at their silly rock jokes, holding each other close under the night’s gentle breeze. 

Never wanting their time together to end, they'd lean into one another, eyes fluttering shut as their lips meet once again. 

The natural softness of your lips pressed against theirs sent shockwaves through their body, none that their drill could ever replicate on a battlefield. 

You made them feel so warm and loved inside, especially with the way your hands made it to their hair every time you two kissed.

It felt like the world had stopped, and all they could process was how needingly their hands moved all over your body in response, taking their time with each mark, crease, and even speckle of hair.

They loved everything about you after all.. each “flaw” of yours was just another spot that they had the honor of touching and kissing. <3

They'd pull back for a breath, but really it was just to take you in once more.

“you’re so special to me, mi vida, you know that?”

The moon was going to show herself at her fullest tomorrow, but curses, you were dreading her appearance..

“something's brewing.. tomorrow won't be a good day, i can feel it.” You mumbled to yourself, glaring down at the black candle you held with its own silver plate. 

The flame that once stood still flickered at your words in response, emitting up to you in what felt like commiseration.

“mm, something's gonna happen, right? go on, you can tell me~..”

You poked your index finger at its flame in a petting motion, watching as the flickering intensified. The shape of the fire leaned away from your touch in shame.

“don't be sorry, it's not your fault.. shh..”

You tilted your head at it and cooed with a comforting tone, holding the candle closer. 

The flickering stopped and the size of the once spirited flame dimmed down into a ball of burning light.

Moving your gaze back to the rain outside of the window you stood in front of, you sighed.

“just, please protect them for me, okay? i know you can do it, take this and keep them safe..”

You held the candle steadily in front of your face, careful not to drop it with one hand. 

The other hand reached down into the drawer of your altar’s nightstand, pulling out an old, used incense stick.

With the edge of it, you used the dripping wax to draw out a sigil onto the body of the candle, whispering an affirmation in hopes that it reaches the universe in time.

Then, you placed the candle down, thanking it for letting you borrow its energy.

You looked back at your sleeping lover, resting peacefully in the bed you two shared.

They hugged a pillow that you had nudged in place of where you were laying, already drooling all over it. Their hair was a mess and their body already took over most of the bed.

Yeah, they were just in a grey T-shirt and purple boxers with lightning bolts patterned onto them, but god, they were such a sight to take in.

You smiled, before looking back at the window and its altar, your heart feeling a little lighter for the night.

“yeahh.. they'll be alright.”

“moorningg sunshiinee~! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )”

“mmhh.. whehh..”

“i mean, it IS raining.. but i made you sunny eggs anyway!”

“actually, i dunno if they're.. exactly.. sunny? they're all nice and poached up for you though! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ”

You felt a plate nudge at your side, earning a groan out of you.

“c’mon mi corazon! you gotta eat something!!”

“por favoorr!!! pleaasee wake up, i wanna hug you before i go! (っ´ω`)っ”

“whuh- huh??”

You finally budged at the gloved hands that were lightly shaking at your shoulders, pushing them away.

Squinting at their blurry face, you rubbed your eyes to get a better view of the person in front of you. 

“before you.. go? you don't normally leave this early, sloannnn..” You yawned, looking up and down at their work clothes in confusion.

They had a different color jacket on today, but your tired mind didn't think to question it, figuring it was because of their job.

“yeahh I knooww my love, but there's some.. new ruins that my buddies found at work..! r-really important duty calls, and history awaits!”

“here, eat this for me! please?” They grinned, holding the plate in front of you as you sat up.

“mmh, promise me you'll stay safe baby.” You shoved a piece of burnt toast in your mouth without really looking at it.

“of couurrssee, y/n! don't you worry your little pretty head about me, i'll be fiiinee~ (つω`｡)” They sat the plate down next to you, wrapping their arms around you and snuggling their cheek on top of your head.

“mmhmmm, you better be, or i’ll keep every mirror and glass in this house covered when you're dead!” You reached up, playfully smacking the top of their head.

“nooo!! :( how am i gonna talk to you when i’m a cool mummified spirit thennn?ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ"

“no matter how much your ghost bangs on my crystal ball, screaming ‘y/nnn!! mi amooorr.. my priiinceeessss!!! myy woorlldd!!’.. you'll be talking to yourself.”

“baby nooooo :((, pleeaaase don't abandon me like thaatt, really! don't worry about me, i’ll bring back goodies for you n’ everything! (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ” They pecked your lips, holding your face with the cutest puppy eyes ever.

“awwe, fiinnee. i believe in you, sloan.. i won't curse you with being a lonely spirit.. yet. (´-.-`)” You joked, your hands making it on top of theirs. 

They rolled their eyes, continuing to make a mess of your face with their honey-coconut chapstick.

You happily absorbed all of their pouty kisses like a crystal soaking up a person’s energy. 

You could've sat there and let them kiss you awake forever..

..but unfortunately, the excavator had a job to do.

With one last kiss on your lips, they hurried over to the bedroom’s closet, snatching up a backpack and their signature drill from it, and they waved their way out of the door.

“alright baby, i gotta go now! i love you, i miss you already! (´ ε ` )”

“oh-! i love you more! thanks for the food! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡” You blew them a kiss.

“nonono, thank YOU for leaving those drinks by the window for me! :D” They peeped their head out of the doorway one last time before rushing through the house.

“don't forget to tell the bugs goodby- WHAT.”

“LOVE YOU MOST!! (o^ ^o)ﾉ”

“SLOAN!!????”

“IMSTEPPINGOUTTHEDOORNOW,BYEBABYCAKES!MUAHMUA-”

You watched them scurry down the road from the window, familiar looking jars clutched in their arms with a grin on their face..

They just took your jars of moon water to work.

You've been carefully curing those jars with salt under the moon light for literal years.

What the fuck.

With your palm now on your face, you sighed.

“there's no way they just- okay.”

You pressed your hands together and closed your eyes.

“i won't sacrifice them to the gods in their sleep tonight i won't sacrifice them to the gods in their sleep tonight i won-”

The smell of egg and toast hit your nose, making you look down at your side.

The plate of breakfast was still sitting there.

“oh, hm.” You picked up the fork and sliced an egg open with it, watching how the yolk oozed out slowly, inviting you to enjoy it. 

‘chef sloan, huh?’ You raised a brow, bringing a piece of it to your mouth.

‘did they.. try poaching eggs this time? weird, i thought they were in a hurry.. it’s cooked wel-’

You immediately stopped chewing, the slight taste of metallic water failing to compliment the wetness of the actual egg.

You felt your right eye twitch, hoping that the egg wasn't boiled with what you thought it was.

It was then that the adventurous Sloan Cameron was destined to die by the hands of their own lover.

They jogged through the rain in a hurry, abruptly halting at the bus stop they almost just ran past.

They knew you would've gotten onto them for not taking an umbrella, even more for snatching up their water jugs, but they figured they'll make up for it by kissing you all over later.

With their bags strapped on, drill in their hands, and their girlfriend’s jars now burrowed in their pockets, they were amped for their own little mission awaiting them at a site reserved for the Wayfinder society. 

See, they weren't actually called for any “important duties” at work, nor were any new ruins discovered.

Rather, they had their own plans for today's solo expedition, and that included secretly taking a trip down an untouched mine.

It was near one of the less active dig sites at their main workplace, hidden under old, giant tires that probably haven't been moved for years.

How did they find it? More like, how didn't they?

Their bus arrived, and they climbed on, paying for themselves and the one other person behind them with a ‘oh, don’t sweat it!’

They casually sat down towards the front of the bus, careful not to bang their filled pockets against anything, and sighed in relief. ( ´ ▽ ` )

Them and their drill both took up four seats, all dripping wet from the rain outside. 

Some people gave them looks, but they were oblivious to it, one hand patting their drill while the other held the edge of their seat.

They looked to the front window of the bus with a smile, bopping their head side to side while thinking of you. (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

Any worries about being found or getting in trouble for working on a site alone was out of the window; today was a paid day off for workers in the society.

But Sloan? Oh, Sloan Cameron was the most committed and daring worker that the Wayfinders had. 

If they weren't invited to anything for the holidays, they'd gladly spend their days putting in more time at work, not caring whether it was even meant to be a work day or not.

If they felt like digging, they could dig that!!!!

No one else at work ever minded anyway, their proven ability to work efficiently and optimistically is what earned their reputation of being reliable enough to be left alone.

Uncovering stories of the past cost them nothing more than physically getting active until they felt like bugging their girlfriend to cuddle them to bed.

..Sloan only ever really took their days off if it meant staying home with their beloved now.

Otherwise? They essentially were paid really well just to do what they love; collecting pretty rocks and bones for their lover, going on fun expeditions for their love of archaeology, and building big muscles in the process.

It was a triple-win in their eyes, they wouldn't have life any other way. No bad day or sudden curse could ever change that..

(TELL ME THEY WOULDN'T CALL IT A TRIPLE WHAMMY!!!!!!)

Oh, how they felt themselves warm up at the thought of their goddess at home, but quickly shook their head, reminding themselves why they were here at this specific site.

To think that such a cave with so many marvelous finds was right under everyone's noses was bizarre to them.

Sloan was so happy that they were the only one to know about it, gushing to themselves about all the crystals they'll bring home for their witchy wife to work with. 

They let their mind wander again, imagining the smile you usually have on your face from their grand returns home. 

Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→ Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→

You'd rush out of your little sanctuary shack that was on the side of the house to the sound of the doorbell, nearly breaking through the wall to wrap yourselves around them, kissing their dirt-covered face without a care in the world.

‘welcome homee babyy, i’ve missed you soo much, muah muah!! how was work? anyone i need to curse today? are you hungry?? thirsty?’ 

They chuckled to themselves at the thought of your voice, unconsciously rubbing a hand on the side of their face with a ‘shucks.. (ง ื▿ ื)ว..’

They thought about how you'd take quick notice of the extra bag they've come back with, panicking and offering to help them carry their things inside. 

Then, they'd shush you, shuffling over to the living room mat to empty said mystery bag, revealing an endless galore of a crystal witch’s dream.

From that point on, you'd probably tackle them down and they'd laugh, laying there to suffer the wrath of your kisses with no complaints.

Their imagination strayed towards admiring you.. how kissable your neck always is, how holdable your waist was… how much they wanted to take in the view of you on top of them and absolutely devour-

Nonono, they had a mission right now, and that was to acquire stones for their magical wife!!! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

Sloan eagerly lowered themselves down into the tunnel of the cave, rope in one hand and flashlight in the other.

Their mining goggles were on, their backpack was on their back, and their jackets were off, leaving them in a white tank top. The jars they stole borrowed from you were now in the pockets of their pants.

Water and sweat dripped all over their arms and neck from how humid it was, but they were too excited to care.

They quickly scouted the place out like a sailor, the grin on their face growing at the sight of all of the crystals already visible to the surface.

It was like this mine was carved out for them, each colorful gem crying out ‘take me home to your lover!!! (」°ロ°)」 take me home to her!!! (」°ロ°)」’

Oh, did Sloan listen to their pleas alright, setting their bag and jars down near the entrance, instantly getting to work with their handy pickaxe.

They would've used their drill, but they stuck to pickaxes for these types of missions, wanting to bring home actual clusters of gemstones for you and not.. pellets.

Besides, whole rocks would be easier to preserve in water than crumbs, right?

Everytime they brought their pick down to the deposits of stones, the grin on their face widened in joy.. It was probably bright enough to start emitting light in the darkness of the mine.

The sound of the axe hitting the ores was music to their ears, so they kept swinging and chucking each one of your gifts into their bag, not a single worry in the world to bother them.

“ooohh, myy y/nnn! i can't waaiitt to bringg these homee to youuu~!!◝(⁰▿⁰)"

“i can't wait until they get home so i can kick their ass.”

You crossed your arms with a huff, staring in disbelief at the jars of moon water that were, in fact, missing.

Only one jar remained, and it was in the sink, empty.

Your eyes made way to the pan left on the stove, some pieces of egg still floating in the foggy water.

Your right one was probably still twitching, but you were just too distraught to notice.

“is this what i was having those feelings about?”

You clenched your fist, bringing it down to the counter.

“today was feeling off because my own partner decided to.. snatch ALL of my jars on the way to work.. as if that's something they normally do!?”

You looked at your flytrap plant pet that sat nearby, shrugging in a ‘wtf’ kind of way.

One of the plant’s traps closed themselves in response, slightly seeping downwards.

“ugh, i know, right?! it beats me why they'd just.. DO that, ya know?”

Another trap closed themselves, joining the first one in silently chiming in and sagging down.

“see, i really want to trust in sloan, i love them with my entire life! anndd afterlife! but.. also, who the fuck just steals a witch’s water?! not even a burglar would do that!”

“like, i was curing those for years, man! if sloan lets sunlight touch any one of those jars, i'll curse them for eterni-”

Both of the closed traps opened quickly in unison.

“..you're saying i.. shouldn't? curse them?” You raised a brow, a hand now on your hip.

The plant pods closed themselves back, not dipping their heads downwards this time.

“hm. i guuueeess that's true.. i was considering the voodoo doll approach to really teach em’ a lesson but.. you're right.“

“i can just sacrifice them another day.. today can be ass-kicking, tomorrow will be their downfall.”

You finished with a grin, starting to put some plates away as the flytraps reopened their mouths, sitting as if nothing had changed.

After a couple minutes of washing and drying used dishes from the night before, you felt something soft rub against your leg.

“wha- oh my gosh!! hii squuiishhyy!!” You squealed, lifting up the fat, fluffy creature that nudged its head on the back of your calves.

It wasn't exactly a cat.. or a dog..

Actually, it was a raccoon, a big albino one, and he was here to distract you from the bones you had to pick with your partner.

“myyy fluuffyy companionn, how aare youu?? :D”

You snuggled him, rubbing his face against yours.

He kind of just.. didn't react, cutely letting you hold him with a neutral •ᴥ• on his face.

Then, another soft creature rubbed against your ankles.

“aahh, spaaarkkyy!! my other fluffy companion!! what about you? how aree youu doingg todaay?? >:0”

You smiled, lifting it up to rub the other side of your face.

It wasn't a raccoon this time, but a black possum, and he had a white patch of fur in the shape of a star on his back!

He curled himself into your grasp with what seemed like his own little smile :0)

Both of the pets were adopted and well taken care of by you and Sloan.

Your partner found the possum on the way to work one day, insisting they kept him and named him Sparky because of the way his pointy teeth sparkled.

They couldn't stop running their fingers along his teeth for weeks, having to be dragged away by you for the possum to find some peace.

‘look at how razor sharp they are!! do you think his teeth could bite my fingers off?! id pay him with food, then i could get cool omnic prosthetics-’

‘sloan! that'd be-! ..messy actually, if you're gonna get blood everywhere, at least let me hire a vampire first.’

‘mi amor.. :( vampires only really existed centuries ago! how would you even find one for me right now? are you gonna make one of those cool pacts or something??’

‘id sacrifice you to one from the pas- nevermind, ‘cause you'd probaablyy want that, so i’ll just.. pretend to sacrifice you and not actually do it. (っ˘ω˘ς )’

‘nooOOO!!!! >:((((‘

As for the raccoon, you had found him while having a cleansing session in the woods, luring him with fruits and veggies that you had originally brought along for any wandering fae.

(You also made sure to come back later that day with more goodies as an apology to said spirits, leaving them with fruits, nuts, and honey.)

When you brought him home, you named him squishy, simply because he was fat and.. well.. squishy.

Sloan tried to play with his teeth, followed with their failed attempt at getting the two new pets to play a game..

‘y/n, look! they both have the cuuteestt baby hands!! that gives me an idea..’

‘you hold sparky like that ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ, i’ll hold squishy like.. this! ʕ •̀ ω •́ ʔ we can play rock-paper-scissors! here, this'll be rock..’

And with that, you two now lived with Squishy and Sparky (and other pets being your plants & their bugs too).

A doorbell going off ended up interrupting your moment with your companions, earning a startled jolt from you.

‘oh? who could that- oh my stars-!’

“i forgot niran was coming over! Σ(O_O)”

✯ if you've made it this far, thank you for reading! <33

✯ here is the link to part 2!!, also on my profile.. here are the borders used!

✯ enjoy your day/night, stay hydrated, and keep loving venture <3

[snorfbin]

i have discovered the power of downloading old apks and holy fuck its wonderful. ive unfucked everything fucked up about tumblr

[wildstar25]

MiqoMarch Day 23 - Midnight

With their intended voyage into the void only a few days out, Arsay thought it the upmost importance that she steal her partner away to Kugane, that they might share one more fond memory together should things not turn out the way they plan in the thirteenth. It was as they crossed the very same bridge the miqo'te had once sat on together two years prior when Arsay gifted Y'shtola with a bracelet matching that of her own. A token of endearment which, Arsay confessed, she would have given to her fellow scion back then, had nerves not gotten the best of her. While their relationship has undoubtedly changed since the initial purchase of the jewellery, the sentiment remained the same. Y'shtola was someone who Arsay loved dearly and she will forever be grateful to have the seeker's life intertwined with her own. No matter where their free spirits took them, they would always hold each other in their hearts. A promise Y'shtola was more than willing to keep. She slipped the the string of beads around her wrist without a second thought. They were never to come off, not even when the two decided to delay their return to Radz-at-Han in favour of a private bath at the dead of night.

[tangledinink]

i want desperately for you guys to know that this is how swanatello was born. he was designed and drawn in a span of approximately 30 minutes at work and made originally with the only intention being "pun." thanks @actuallynobutwhynot for getting me to make him lmao i gotta draw him and your sona together sometime.

[sirensea14]

Me with who

I trusted, Let you in

Let you see through my broken skin

Let you tell me, People would love me

Not get sick of me, Get rid of me

I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.

[milkymeaty]

do people really still think glados is chells mom........ at this point u might as well have a big fucking sign over ur head that reads "not too fond of lesbians" lol

[timiddot]

i need a new job but im disabled and autistic and i cant drive and ive only ever worked one job before the one i currently work and i don't have any college and the job market is so bad right now i don't know what to do at all i just need to make more money but i'm completely fucking drained mentally and physically from my current shitty job that isn't even that hard i'm just weak to the point where i don't have the energy to look for other jobs and my fucking computer is kinda broken and i really want to work a remote job but i can't with my computer like that and i don't know what to do but i can't keep earning fucking $9 an hour with like 20 hours a week but i can't work another retail job or i think i will genuinely lose my mind more than i already have and that therapist hasn't gotten back to me and i don't know what to fucking do at all i am so lost i just want it all to be fucking over!!!! AND IM SICK HAHAHA FUCK ME !

[craycraybluejay]

4 THE ALBUM GAME I’d like to know what’s you think of the album ‘less than three’ by mindless self indulgence, I think it’s you, at least it resonates with how I perceive you ^w^

SOMEONE ALREADY SAID THAT TO ME HAHA very much me apparently. I love that album smsmsmsm. Favs from it are probably Pay For It and Make Me Cum. Banger songs all of them.

The music feels very stimulation-seeking; about sex, judgement, junk food (A La Mode, anyone?), etc.

Which yeah. It's the reason social media got so toxic for me and the reason for a lot of things. I require mental and physical stimulation to the point where my satiated ideal would probably read as self harm or something akin to it to most people. Stagnancy is boring and frustrating.

Anyway, their music fucks severely, if anyone bothers me about any controversies I'm going to give them the Laser of I Don't Care Loser :3. I know I have great names for lasers.

[iraqueer]

just remembered how a friend of mine informed me that a lot of Chinese steamed buns use lard in the dough and that's an example of solidarity I do not want.

[svnmouth]

I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.

[onewingedangels]

getting pretty tired seeing ppl talk about how tumblr is so much "better" just because you can show a little bit of booba now 😐

[goatsandgangsters]

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 

url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order

url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes 

url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc

url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly 

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant) 

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

[rudescape]

hell o

just gonna vent in the tags real quick

[the-kneesbees]

my mother loves to take any opportunity she can get to make me feel bad about our financial situation

[cordeliawhohung]

you try and fake an orgasm with Simon (based off this post)

when you and Simon fuck, it's always passionate. he refuses to give you anything less than his all, sucking on your clit and pumping your cunt full with his fingers, curling them just like he knows you go crazy for. and it's divine. it brings you nirvana just to slam you right back into your body with its tingling nerves and fizzing skin. he always says the sweetest things, mumbling about how perfect you are, how he can't get enough of you, caressing your body like its a marble statue of a forgotten goddess he can't stop mumbling the name of.

nothing's changed about his love. not his lips on your skin or his cock shoved into your cunt, metal piercings stimulating that spongy spot inside of you. you should be clenching around him, crying out like a bitch in heat, but all the intense emotions that you know should be there are muted. all that pleasure is watered down by some other insidious emotion that's severed that delicious connection that should be there between you and Simon.

still, despite that pit in your stomach eating up that tasty stimulation, you perform. he pulls countless moans from your lips, has your fingers digging into the tense muscle of his shoulders, and yet you are nowhere close to finishing. it feels like you're so far from an orgasm that you've never once experienced it in your entire life. but Simon's been going for so long, pushing all the right buttons in all the right ways, getting you so close to your release and yet so far from it. perspiration sits heavily along his hairline, wetting his hair and making it stick to his forehead in small clumps.

you're taking too long. he's never cummed before you before, Simon's always prioritized your pleasure before his, and the poor man is basically edging himself and has been for what feels like eternity. hushed words always fall from his mouth like a saccharine waterfall when he's close, and he hasn't stopped muttering praise after praise into your ear.

"so fuckin' beautiful, takin' me so well, aren't 'cha?"

when his thumb begins its gentle massage on your clit, you almost cry. it feels so good, but it's tantalizing, promising you the release you desperately crave and yet can't seem to obtain. utter torture. and Simon's watching you through heavy lidded eyes, eager to watch you come undone, and it's all too much. so you arch your back with a desperate pornographic moan while your eyes screw shut in feigned ecstasy. and it's terribly pathetic, pitiful even, but it's all you have. one stupid, paltry faked orgasm.

Simon's movements cease. the pumping of his cock in your cunt, his swirling thumb on your clit; everything. your panting mixes with his in some dull harmony as he leans forward, hands resting on either side of your head while his body hovers over yours.

"sweetheart... what was that?"

all the moisture is sapped from your mouth the moment that question leaves Simon's lips. your current position is terribly vulnerable. stark naked with your boyfriend between your legs and his dick nestled deep inside of you; you couldn't get more exposed than that. however that question made things all the more daunting.

"w... what do you mean?" you ask, unsure if your voice is unsteady because of your exhaustion or anxiety.

"that just now," he explains. "are you tryin' to fake it?"

all you can do is lay there and stare up at him, eyes as wide as saucers and growing with moisture by the second. white hot shame burns through you, searing through your chest and stomach to the point where you feel like you'll be sick. you don't know what to say. lie further, or fess up and tell the truth? instead, you take the secret third option that is bursting into tears.

as soon as the tears fall from your face Simon has you wrapped up in his arms within the instant. no longer inside of you, he makes it so that both of you are lying on your sides, facing one another as you bury your face in his chest. he shushes you, tries to comfort you as he smooths a hand over your head but all you can do is apologize.

"talk to me, sweetheart," he urges, "what's goin' on?"

snot runs thick and heavy in your nose, forcing you to sniffle and nearly choke on the sensation, and still you keep your face hidden away.

"i'm sorry, i just- i just can't. it feels nice but i just can't finish and i was taking too long and, and i just- i don't know-"

"hey, s'alright," he coos, "these things happen sometimes. you just gotta let me know what's goin' on, yeah?"

"i know, i'm sorry," you sniffle.

"nothin' to be sorry about," he assures you. "there's nothin' in the world that you could say to me that would make me mad at you, love. if somethin' isn't workin' for you, i wanna know, yeah?"

all you can do is nod your head in response to him, and he places a firm kiss against the crown of your head. he holds you for a while longer before pulling away so he can sit up. you wipe any remaining tears off of your face as you watch him slip out of bed before holding his arms out towards you.

"c'mon, let's get you cleaned up," he says.

still sniffling, you sit up in bed and stare up at him, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "but... what about you?"

equally as confused, Simon leans forward and takes your hands into his as he helps you off the bed. "what about me?"

"you... didn't get to finish," you say meekly.

"yeah, neither did you."

his tone left no room for argument, and you're already halfway out of the bedroom by the time you fully comprehend just what he meant. but it doesn't take long before you forget all about it. you're in the bath and Simon's washing away all the shame and embarrassment from your body. his hands scrub your body clean, and he kisses away the thoughts that plague your mind until you're full of so much love you forget all about what had you upset in the first place.