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#but she is literally completely useless
aureentuluva70 · 9 months
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The Lay of Leithian Part 19: Luthien's Escape from Hirilorn
<<&lt;Part 18. Part 20>>>
(Credits to Ted Nasmith, Robert Cornelius, and Elena Kukanova for the artwork)
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spicy-seaweed · 9 days
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mmmm I don’t like anxietyyyyyyyy
no posting for today queue is paused on both accounts (main and seconds—for those who follow both)
Somewhat rant in the tags 👇
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widevibratobitch · 4 months
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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tamagotchikgs · 4 months
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MY OLD MEDICATION MENTION
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vasfasan · 1 year
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the scariest part of me being so fucking deep in ouat, is that i could probably name any episode from one single screenshot alone
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south-sea · 1 year
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shadow might have a good poker face but the trade off is he can’t control his ear movements worth a damn even if it’s to his own detriment. dude could be getting interrogated and his ears are waving around like he’s flagging down a plane
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shidoukanae · 5 months
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Did a study of a panel i like for a manga with absolutely my favorite female character i've seen yet and thought i'd post it here too in the hopes of eventually finding fans of this series when they inevitably, like me, look for more content of this story :'D
I could gush about this funny, lovestarved, absolutely downright sympathetic and villainous lady who absolutely deserves to be family with the protag for so many hours if you let me she is literally so perfect and everything I have ever wanted from female characters before.
I've gone from going "ooooo she's such a cool antagonist who is such a funny little mystery i LOVE her" to "yeah she's kind of on the insane spectrum but tbf who wouldn't be fucked up in her situation TwT" to "i WILL cry over her and she is completely in the right for doing what she's doing and i can't believe i ever believed she wasn't the heroine she's supposed to be :'D"
#the mighty extra: one girl changes the world#helene de belliana#my love#i found the raws but haven't found if there's a fandom for this manga#if it exists it's probs overseas but idk how to find said fandom then bc searching by title is useless fghjgfhj#the manga itself isn't perfect but my god does it have a lot of heart put into it#i can tell the creator adores Helene because there's no fucking way they don't at this point#just woke up to read chapter 72 and i am#melting#for baby Helene and hopefully getting to know more about her relationship with the original Lyla#because that last panel of her looking uncertain is so adorbs#but also im not used to seeing Helene with long hair and for once i prefer short hair to long hair#literally Helene is such a cool character how do i write a character as cool as her#and the fact that she has a love interest (debatably) who is is on manipulative terms with atm is so interesting#esp because he's the only one she's showing her true nature to atm and im !!! at the implications of that#her being mischievous towards Paris (even if she's meanly funny about it) and the fact she used to be mischievous as a kid...#waaah i wanna see her and Paris develop a relationship together beyond their current sarcastic partnership#especially because there's something so neat about the funny self-interested dragon man obeying her without reason to#at least the narrative hasn't addressed why he would bother??? bc she's neither offered him the fragment nor is he completely amiable to he#but also i can't help but think there was some omitting going on after their second to last scene together...#damn this manga gives so much food for thought and for that alone this story is instantly in my top 10 rankings#For Helene alone it's probably close to my number 2 spot lmao#anyways yes i stan Helene and at this point i think im her number 1 fan and defender until (hopefully) proven otherwise~#bc god do i need more content for her waaaah
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fluffykitteninabox · 2 years
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The fact that these are practically the exact same character, but one is rightfully universally hated for being an abusive megalomaniac while the other is being upheld by the fandom as some sort of.... ugh.. "hero" 🤮🤮
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#to me enji stans seem completely deranged#like who would watch atla and come to the conclusion that yes it was actually zuko's fault??!!#who would watch atla and ask for ozai redemption at the end??!#literally no one#so then how do you see endeavor in mha and do that exact thing?#they're almost the exact same character it's literally uncanny how similar they are#right down to the specific types of abuse they subjected their families to#ozai married ursa because she was avatar roku's granddaughter so he thought they would produce more powerful children together#enji married rei for her ice quirk because he thought they could produce more powerful children together#ozai favored one of his kids who he considered a prodigy while ignoring/hating the other one who he thought of as weak/useless#enji favored one of his kids who he considered a prodigy while ignoring/hating the other ones who he thought of as weak/useless#ozai is responsible for one of his kids having half their face burned and permanently scarred#enji is responsible for one of his kids having half their face burned and permanently scarred#no i don't care that technically rei was the one that burned shouto enji was still the reason this happened#but ozai was tyrant and and an imperialist while enji saves people for a living#congratulations that's the only valid point to hate ozai more than endeavor#but that just proves how fucking low the bar is#plus endeavor's idea of heroism is more like#beating people up for a living and coincidentally saving some bystanders as a bonus#anyway ozai should have died#maybe not by aang but he should have died#enji should also die#i don't care who does it I'm good with anything as long as it isn't framed as a 'heroic sacrifice'#atla#atla ozai#mha#anti endeavor#anti enji todoroki#todoroki family
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twinvictim · 8 months
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1. How do I like a character whose entire life revolves around trying to save her brother no matter what she has to do because she loves him that much more than a character whose only personality is being really antagonistic and aggressively misogynisticly obsessed with a woman who at one point moved to a different part of the country partially to get away from him? Gee idk
2. I would like Akiyama more, like maybe Kazama and Sagawa tier If the games were more interested in pointing out that he's a horrible person. And he is. And maybe I'd like that he was a bad person more if I wasn't always being told he's a good person. It also just irks me that he's treated like he has real problems. Especially next to fucking Saejima and even Kiryu when he kinda just does a lot of this shit to himself and its easily fixable. He feels like a self insert anime protagonist in a way that annoys me. Sorry he's just not ad good a character as someone like Haruka or Daigo
3. It's my list
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getoutofmytardis · 6 months
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insane that i’m the biggest disappointment of a child for smoking weed but the child that’s emotionally abusive is fine
#i??? do not understand my parents#like ok yes it is bad that my room smells of weed and is messy#but!#feels real fucking weird that my mum gets more upset with me about that than my sister being the literal devil incarnate#and not in a fun way#like dinner last night i literally did not say a single word bc me. just speaking. apparently triggers izzy and i think i literally just#acknowledged a joke being made and she started her whole. you need to leave. get out. you’re the problem. everyone hates you. shtick#and my mums response is can you just be nice to each other#???????????#GIRL I DIDNT DO A FUCKING THING#I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE CONFLICT AND THE CONFLICT APpArENtLy ONLY OCCURS WHEN IM PRESENT#(it doesn’t. she’s even worse to my mum but mum never. fucking does anything about it#which yeah i do get bc defending urself or literally just saying or reacting in anyway than what The Devil wants you to ends up a mess)#but maybe use two fucking braincells and realise i’m not the worst one here??#i’m actually gonna go insane#also it’s like. lowkey so funny that mums disappointed bc she thinks i haven’t been smoking for months#which i have!! u just haven’t fuckin realised it bestie!! so maybe the reason i am being depressed and useless rn is related to uhh the#fucking demon that’s living in the house again???#not because weed is so evil and brain rotting??#also like i do completely get how silly of me it is to blame everything on my sister when i am aware that my mum hates me smoking weed and#i shouldn’t get a free pass just because my sister is worse than me#but also.#i would like a free pass:(#basically! i should move out lol#but unfortuately i have spent all of my savings#can’t wait to spend 12 hours in the car with all of them tomorrow!!#ah you know when u look back at the times you were gonna kill urself and wish you just fucking did#vent post
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plsleafmelon · 6 months
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gachapin frenzy ended in one pull w ANOTHER of shalems weapon wow !!!! why do u give me so many :"))) mukky frenzy ended in thirty with a drang ball.... this banner sucks ass
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rebelscums · 3 months
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Little Flower (Qimir x Padawan reader)
Rating: Fluff | Kissing | Light grinding | A pillow is thrown
Summary: You are the padawan to a masked man you had no name of. You have been by his side for years, training and mastering the arts of what he refers to as the dark side of the force. However, with Mae entering your life as his new favorite, you are beginning to question whether you belong there anymore. Something that you run to your closet fiend to talk about. Who knew confessing to Qimir about your trouble would bring a life changing moment.
“I’m not strong enough for him.” That was the first thing you said to Qirmir as you entered his shop. Borrowed shop? You didn’t care.
The defeat in your tone was enough to alert him of your dismay.
“That’s it. I’m officially useless to him. He doesn’t need me.” You blurted out all of your frustrations to the only person you have ever been able to call a friend, “All he cares about is his new acolyte Mae.”
You were both stationed here with Mae as she completed the next part of her trial which was to kill Master Torbin… Without a weapon.
“What makes you say that?” Qimir popped his head up from behind his counter.
“He’s been making me run these needless errands lately that literally anyone else in the galaxy can do.” You set a bag of powdered gold leaves onto the counter, “This took me an entire day to find and when I go back to the spot I left him, he was gone! Gone! Didn’t tell me where either.” You said frustratingly, “So I figured you might know what to do with this.”
Qimir took the bag and peered inside, a please look on his face as he hummed, “Actually I do. It’s the leaves I need to make a poison Mae requested.”
“Of course it is.” You rolled your eyes at the mention of her name.
Mae seemed to be taking the eyes of your master and Qimir lately. Something that made your eyes turn green with the overpowering feeling of jealousy… Of being abandoned.
“Look, I love Mae and she has become very dear to me, but… I was here first.” You felt like a child for saying that, “I know that sounds selfish, but it feels like he just tossed me aside for a better version.” You looked up at Qimir showing him the hurt and betrayal in your eyes before looking away to try and suppress your feelings, “And maybe… Maybe she is better than me… Maybe I should just take my loss and go.” You spoke in a near whisper, your throat tightening at the thought.
“No!” The way he quickly voiced his answer had you looking up at him waiting for him to continue, “You are strong with the force and an extremely skilled assassin.” He shook his head, “You don’t have to leave.”
You sighed and moved past him and the counter, “But what if he wants me to leave Qi? You don’t understand. It’s like he doesn’t even see me or the power I possess. All he ever says to me is that I’m not ready to become his acolyte and that I need to help Mae ascend yet…” You slumped into the cot that he called a bed with a huff, “I’m older than she is! I’ve been with him longer might I add. I’ve never questioned him, I’ve followed him loyally and this is what I am granted with? To be a baby sitter?”
“One useful skill may come out of that job.” He noted and you missed the blush in his face at whatever he was thinking about…
“And what might that be?” You muttered tiredly as you stared up at the ceiling contemplating your life and how you could just be better.
“You would make a good mother?” Qimir shrugged his shoulders as he tried to had the small smirk on his lips.
You launched one of the pillows on the bed the moment those words left his mouth. It was going straight for his head to which he surprisingly dodged with ease, but that didn’t stop the surprised look appear on his face as he raised his hands in surrender.
“Not funny.” You grumbled and crossed your arms, turning to face the wall with a pout.
“Okay okay. I’m sorry.” Qimir said as he walked over to where you were. When you didn’t turn to face him, he decided to take a seat on the edge of the bed beside you. There was a thoughtful look on his face before he spoke again, “Maybe… Maybe he is looking out for you.”
That got your attention. You sat up, your shoulders brushing against his as you peered up at him with confusion, “What do you mean?”
A nervous blush creeped up his face as you leaned closer to him, “Well I mean… I…” He trailed off nervously, “I just mean that maybe you just might be more important to him than you realize. He could be looking after you to take on a more important role.”
“What’s more important than being his acolyte?” You huffed in confusion as you look towards your fiddling hands, “I remember what he said to me all those years ago when we first met. He promised he would make me a powerful force weirder and that I would stand by his side as his acolyte and now… Now I’m starting to question if he really meant it.”
Qimir’s hand found yours and gave it a comforting squeeze, “He meant it and… You are powerful. Just as you are brave and unlawfully kind.” He assured and it was your turn to blush.
It seemed like he always knew what to say to you in ways that made your heart flutter and your cheeks burn, “Qi…” You breathed out as you glanced at his lips.
He was quick to copy your movements leaning in closer to you as he did so, “Maybe he sees too much good in you to turn you into something your not.” He whispered, his breath caressing your skin.
“You seem to know a lot about what he may think.” You whispered, suddenly lost in his darkening gaze, “Why is that?”
“What can I say? I’m good at reading people.” He smirked slightly as he looked down at your lips again, “I’m also extremely possessive over what I care about. Knowing him means knowing you.”
“Okay…” You hummed accepting his answer, “Alright then mister possessive, what am I thinking about right now?” You mused, a mischievous glint sparkling in your eyes.
It was something the Qimir couldn’t get enough of. It was your playfulness towards him that was like a breath of fresh air against the darkness he was met with daily.
“I would say…” His speech was slow as he traced your face with his eyes, “That you really want to kiss me.” He teased lowly. There was a small grin on his face in knowing that he was right.
He was always right.
“Do I now?” You didn’t try to deny it as you leaned in closer to him, “And you? What do you want to do?”
A low noise emanated from his throat, almost like a pleading sound as his lips brushed against yours, “I want to kiss you...” He said in a way that made your heart yearn for him.
“Then what are you waiting for? Kiss me.” You breathed out, your heart racing wildly in excitement.
That was all he needed to hear as he leaned down to press his lips against yours. Your eyes fluttered closed at the soft sensation in the way that he kissed you. It was delicate and gentle as if he was afraid to push you too far, but the way your arms circled around his neck, pulling him closer to you, was all he needed to know.
He felt like light between your fingertips as you ran your hands through his hair and he was gentle with his movements in guiding you back against the bed. “Beautiful…” He breathed out, fitting himself snugly between your legs.
“Qi…” You breathed his name against his lips, arching your back as he tugged your bottom lips between his teeth. He held himself back, letting go of your lip to really look at you. You couldn’t help but look at him with awe as he gazed at you with so much love and devotion shining in his eyes.
“You are just… Breathtaking.” He admired you with every part of his being, “Utterly breathtaking…” He seemed mesmerized as his right hand traced along your curves.
You blushed, a small smile playing on your lips as you looked away from him embarrassed by his loving words, “Who knew you were such a flatterer.”
He chuckled lowly as he leaned back down to kiss your lips. All too quickly he left and began leaving a trail of kisses down to your neck. You couldn’t help your eyes fluttering closed at the feeling.
“You deserve to be flattered.” He continued losing himself in everything that was you. He rocked himself against you as he held back the urge to devour you entirely. He wanted too so desperately now that he knew you were his, body, soul, and mind. He would never let you go, not now… Not until his last dying breath. “You deserve the galaxy, my little flower.” He muttered softly against your skin.
You have much to learn little flower.
You moaned lightly at the pleasure he filled you with almost kissing his last words, but you heard them. Your mind took a moment to register the deeper meaning behind his endearment, but when you did your eyes opened in realization. It was him. Qimir was him. No one knew about that little nickname except for…
“Master?” You whispered running your fingers through his hair in a gentle manner, but your heart beat widely in your chest as he stopped kissing you.
“Hm…” He hummed a small smirk gracing his lips as he breathed against your neck, “You finally figured it out.”
You placed your right hand on his cheek and gentle lifted his head to face you, “He’s you?” You said in awe as you pieced together every moment up until now, “You’re him?”
“I am.” He searched your eyes for any fear or resistance, but his shoulders relaxed as he saw none.
“So… That is why you were never around when he— I mean when you were training me? Because you were already there.” Your brows furrowed, “Does Mae know?” A small pang filled your chest at the possibility of her knowing your masters identity before you.
He shook his head, “No.”
The pang quickly left, filling your chest with relief as you let out a small sigh, “So… That’s how you were so sure about how he was feeling because that’s what you truly felt…” A blush filled your cheeks at the kind words he said to you earlier.
However, you realized something else as well. He was the one who kept you from becoming his acolyte. You gasped as you smacked his chest causing him to groan and you would have cared for the old Qimir if you didn’t already know how strong he truly was as your master.
“Why won’t you make me your acolyte?��� You huffed slightly embarrassed now that you know you spilled your guts to him, “This entire time I have told you how I felt. I am devoted only to you master so why will you not let me become your acolyte?”
“I thought you would have figured that out by now.” He chuckled shaking his head.
Your brows furrowed in confusion, “What do you mean? That is why you train me, it is why you let me stay with you, is it not?”
Strands of his hair fell into his eyes from the way he shook his head. You couldn’t help, but reach up to brush them away, something that had his heart flutter and his lips curl up into a soft smile. He leaned into your touch, his eyes closed as he spoke softly, “I don’t want you to become my acolyte anymore because I couldn’t bear the thought of something ever happening to you.” His gaze darkened, “I would burn the galaxy before that ever happens.”
You smiled softly and brushed away the creases from his brow, “I know.”
“I want you to be mine.” He nuzzled his nose into your wrist before placing a gentle kiss upon in, “I want you to be my equal… Not as someone who does my bidding, not as my padawan or my acolyte, but someone who stands by me.”
“I want you my little flower because you are everything I wish the world to be.” He finished, a soft look in his eyes.
Love swelled up in your chest at the confession he conveyed so deeply to you. His love sealed your fate to him as you leaned up towards him. You brushed your lips against his, the both of you conveying your strong emotions to one another with the look of your eyes.
“You have my heart Qimir and I will stand by your side, always.” You agreed softly.
It was a promise that the two of you would keep without any doubt. He was yours and you were his until the end of time.
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sassmill · 1 year
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My brain is like. Weird right now. Is it related to not taking my Lexapro because I know it doesn’t interact well with dayquil and I needed the post nasal drip to stop? Theoretically but also this has been building for days.
#didn’t get any cartharsis from finishing the year with the studio#because the director sort of jacked my students and I walked in to her running a staging rehearsal that she decided upon on her own#imagine getting backstage and realizing your music is playing and feeling like you missed something because your students are onstage#and I panicked like was there a rehearsal scheduled that I forgot about??#nope she just decided to grab them as soon as they arrived to clean their piece without me#like either agree with me that the piece is a mess or don’t#but don’t keep reassuring me it looks good and then undermine me like that#I know it’s a mess#so that really set me up in a shitty mood#because it was also basically my last show with them after 20 years and it ended on a low note#not hosting either event because of my injury (?) and the depression#and like literally at the same time she’s been so supportive and checked in on me#but also it doesn’t feel supportive to lie to me about the piece I choreographed looking good and then run extra rehearsals without me#and then during the finale the host completely forgot about me when calling faculty bows#so even in a moment that should’ve felt good should’ve felt like a natural conclusion should’ve been a moment of release#somebody fucked up and I ended up feeling like an afterthought#almost started crying backstage while the host fumbled to recover and call me on#so. this weekend was a lot on top of a lot. and they had enough company students to manage without me.#which was a relief but also awful because I felt useless#the first time I didn’t stay all day and at least help crew#just weird weird weird#the only thing that felt good was writing her that letter and realizing just how much she’s done for me over the past decade#and then when she hugged me and said the exact same thing as I wrote in the letter she had yet to open#that felt. good. on a cosmic level.#so logically I know I will get better things will get better#and I can always go visit her#and I know she understands what I’m going through#but yeah it also all simultaneously sucks and she is the only person that has actually been any comfort to me#meanwhile I’m at home with my mother who is telling me to just ‘choose to be relieved’ like that’s how feelings work#it’s trauma hours
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3njoythesil3nce · 1 month
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Plot holes/crappy writing in TUA 4
• Five, the guy who spent 45 years in an apocalypse and went back specifically to save his siblings from the same fate, ended up betraying Diego with such lightness and unjustified hatred and almost left the whole family because he got rejected by Lila?
• Five and Lila together just because Five needed a love interest when up until a season ago they had a sibling dynamic and Lila was madly in love with Diego
• In the end they decide to sacrifice themselves to destroy the Marigold but then they all reincarnate as Marigold flowers? and there is literally half a bottle of Marigold left intact in Diego's van?
•why in the hell was Lila shooting laser from her eyes? where did that power come from?
• Luther regains his powers and gets his monkey body back even though it has NOTHING to do with his powers since he morphed into that after Reggie saved his life by injecting him with a serum in season one
• in the end, all the past villains are shown together in the correct timeline when they all should be from completely different times
• Five feels like a COMPLETELY different person, the decharacterization was unreal.
• Klaus' new powers are shown for a second and then for the rest of the season he's basically reduced to a prostitute, ruining all the anticipation of seeing his true strength that has been building up since season 2 and nullifying all of his self improvement
• why was Jennifer in a fucking squid?
• in the end how are the children alive if their parents never existed?
• Ben and Jennifer were completely USELESS. and they were supposed to be key characters of the season
• Abigail's storyline made NO sense at all, she was supposed to be one of the most important characters in the series since the foreshadowing of her presence starts in season 1 and then she is reduced to two scenes in which she basically goes "fuck you Reggie for destroying the world, now I'll destroy it too as punishment" ???
• when Five meets the other Fives in the diner he doesn't show any symptoms of Paradox Psychosis
• Ray and Sloane are cut out of the show with two lines without explaining anything
• Diego dies without saying goodbye to his children
• Jean and Gene barely have a role in the whole season
• Allison sacrificed everything and everyone for Claire and their relationship is reduced to 3 scenes?
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luveline · 5 months
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hiii! i adore you jade so much and can’t thank you enough for all your amazing writing! your fics are incredible! can i have more reader and hotch with their new baby? maybe their night routine takeing care of their newborn? or literally just anything i just love the way you write hotch taking care of both babe and reader! thank you!! xoxo🤍🤍🤍
thank you for your request! fem
“Ready?” Jack asks.
“No. No, no, no!” you cry, giggles slipping through your facade as Jack pelts himself full force from the end of your bed to the pillows where you’re curled. You put your arms out just in time to avoid getting them snapped, catching Jack, and feeling the brunt of his face as he lands on your chest. “Oh! You broke me, Jack. I’m broken!”
“You’re not broken,” Jack says breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your neck.
“You better not be breaking your stepmom, Jackers,” Hotch says from the bathroom. “I’m not getting you another one.”
“Boo!” you say.
“I don’t want another one,” Jack declares, still gasping for breath as he presses your faces together.
You pull him in for a cuddle. “Good, baby, I love you too much to be replaced. And I don’t mind dad either.”
“Jack, you gotta stop jumping on her, remember? She just had a baby. It really hurts to have a baby, and it hurts afterwards to get better. Gentle hands,” Hotch says, pulling the bathroom door open completely, the baby bathed and changed in his arms.
Hotch has cared for a baby before, so while you’re not useless, the majority of things have defaulted to him while you recover. You’re lucky, even if it’s how a woman should be treated —Hotch hasn’t made you get up once since you came home almost a week ago. He’s forced you to sit down a few times, actually. And you’d told him how thankful you were for it in whispers only yesterday night, grateful to be cared for with so much dedication.
I should've been better, for Haley, he’d whispered back. She was amazing all by herself when she didn’t need to be. You’ll be amazing too, but we’re gonna do it together.
Maybe he’s overcompensating for past regrets, maybe he’s just looking after you.
Jack strokes your cheek with a little hand. “Sorry. I don’t want to break you.”
“You won’t.” You lean back and attempt to bring him in with you, but Jack won’t be contained.
He springs down off of the bed to crowd Hotch’s legs, face up and smiling. “Dad, are you done?”
“I am.”
“Can you help with the robot now?”
“Yeah, yes. Sorry, I’m gonna fix your robot. You ready, honey?”
You open your arms eagerly. You’ve had a hug from Jack, and Hotch held you under his arm while you were eating your lunch, so all you need now for the trifecta is a cuddle with your baby. One day he’s gonna be able to hug you back, but for now he stretches out in the well of your arms and coos when you kiss his tiny forehead.
Hotch and Jack leave to fix their robot. You slink down, further and further, too tired and sore to want to sit, sliding the baby’s weight into one arm beside you and leaning down to watch him smack his lips. The few baths he’s had have made him tired each time. You feel sleepy just looking at him.
You’d hope that the baby will be handsome like his brother, though Jack looks so much like Haley they probably won’t be very similar. There are hints of Aaron in them both. Babies look like babies, sure, but he has the Hotchner nose. You can tell already.
“My handsome handsome boy,” you sing-song under your breath. He sniffles. You bring your pinky to his nose and give it a gentle touch. “Beautiful baby. I love you.” Your voice turns to sugar. “I love you, baby, you’re so beautiful, just like daddy.”
Footsteps creaking on the landing. You quieten without looking away from the baby, until you feel a familiar hand on your arm. “You okay?”
“Did you fix the robot?”
“Of course I did.” He leans down and in, lips and nose pressing to your arm. “Are you okay? You look tired.”
“I am tired. Maybe I’ll nap while he’s sleeping.”
“That’s a good idea. Give him a kiss and I’ll put him back in the crib.”
“No, no, can’t he stay?”
“You want me to stay here and watch you sleep?” he asks, laughing into your arm, pressing another kiss in a path toward your shoulder. “You can keep him until you fall asleep, okay? Then I’ll move him.”
“Will you do that thing to my cheek?” you ask quietly.
“If you tell me what you were saying before I walked in, yes.”
Hotch sits on the bed behind you where you’re sidled up to the baby, the back of his hand falling gently against your cheek, fingers curled and knuckles brushing the skin just shy of your eye one tender centimetre at a time. “Well?” he prompts.
You close your eyes with a contented smile. “Was just telling him he’s gorgeous.”
“Yeah?” He turns his hand, his pinky finger rubbing the delicate skin under your eye briefly, and the his palm flat to your face. His thumb takes up the guard. You feel fatigue pulling at you from the sheer comfort he offers, though you can manage a few more words, at least.
“He’s beautiful, he has his daddy’s nose.”
“I don’t think that’s what makes him so handsome.”
“No?” you mumble.
Hotch lets his face rest again on your arm. “No, that’s his mother. Couldn’t be anything else.”
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i hate it so much when people try to tell me how to study because every single method feels like trying to shove a balloon through a brick wall
#i cant study. like actually#schoolwork isnt just not fun to me its. actual torture#i always start crying while doing homework because my brain is just so fucking foggy i cant ??? function???#i cant retain information im not interested in but let me do you one better. i cant even consume it in the first place#im not. a functional person#im in my final year and idk if ill make it literally BECAUSE im. i cant fucking do this?#personal#btw#and jts always 'well at least try to study its only one more year' I GOT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. BECAUSE OF COVID#I NEVER WOULD HAVE REACHED THIS POINT IF IN MY THIRD YEAR THE SCHOOL HADNT SAID 'ok everyone passes'#AND I NEED THIS?#DROPPING OUT IN THIS COUNTRY EVEN AT 18 IS NIGH ON ILLEGAL#gifted kid syndrome was never about reading better than the rest of ur class when u were 8 bc u were a nerd#its about always being fucking praised for every minor thing and then growing up to be completely useless#and its stupid! i KNOW my life is allowed to exist i KNOW im not useless i KNOW that i deserve better than what ive gotten up till now#but im so fucking sick of the constant 'oh you can do better' and my classmates going 'oh ur so smart ahaha' and just.#the dchool system wasnt made to support anyone ever#it supports the average child with average intelligence who works and studies and that child is so fucking rare#and its even worse when my sister is doing a level higher than me is doing a sport AND is looking for a job#and shes fine! she gets good grades! but i can barely manage to get through this and everything is just a fucking brick wall#and i keep smashing my head against it trying again and again to get through but all im getting is another fucking headache#i hate people who say shit like 'ooh videogames ruin ur school life' bc videogames are the only things in my life rn i can think about#without feeling like shit!#i csn ramble about videogame lore for 6 hours or i can sob uncontrollably there is no difference i am not a fucking person anymore#autistic burnout gang lmao i am losing my fucking mind#every time i try explaining it to someone its just 'well just try' IVE TRIED. FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS. ITS ENOUGH. IM DONE.#anyway thats the story of how i ended up crying about my french exam tomorrow#it is 2 am#i have to figure out a dessert for christmas i can barely fucking breathe and i am once again trying to make as little sound as possible#im so tired
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