#but that means he’d be part of the plot from act 1 onwards

[teecupangel]

I keep thinking about Desmond, our fave isekai protag, getting dropped into baldur’s gate 3. Only, per one of my favorite isekai tropes, as a no-name NPC. As one of the Sharess’s Caress escorts? As one of Astarion’s spawn?? Basically him just being Tired Of This Shit and trying to avoid the plot but of course that’s not going to work lol. I haven’t even decided if he would be a romantic interest for the MC or a companion or anyone, or what his class would be. But ugh his isekai potential too strong.

His isekai potential is too strong.

If we want Desmond tired of everything and just want to avoid the plot, I personally would put him somewhere safe-ish? Desmond is the type of person who wouldn’t turn a blind eye to atrocities if it smacked him on the forehead so the best way to ensure that he stays away from whatever plot is happening is by making him an NPC in a more or less stable area where he would feel like other more knowledgeable and experienced with all these ‘dungeons and dragons’ (they have magic, holy shit) got this. That would point us to someone in Baldur’s Gate before Act 3. This way, Desmond would have his peace and quiet until the party starts doing their thing and Desmond stop being able to turn a blind eye on everything and he’s ‘forced’ to assist this party of… well… interesting people

As for his class, well, you can go for the class I’m going for with my playthrough of BG3 as Desmond. I made him multiclass Rogue (Thief) and Ranger (Gloomstalker), with a little bit of Bard (College of Swords), specifically:

Rogue Lv 4 – Thief (because Thief’s skills are more all rounders than Assassin’s)

Ranger Lv 5 – Gloomstalker (more stealth options, Dread Ambusher is our Assassin skill lite and lv5 has extra attack XD)

Bard Lv 3 – College of Sword, more on the side of Desmond being good in being seen as ‘non threatening’ but his spell list is more on the side of support than actual damage.

If you want to keep him in one class only, making him a Thief (Assassin) would make the most sense with the hidden blade being more or less his one shot kill weapon, although in terms of gameplay that’s kinda like making him a “best in first round only” kind of deal. The multiclass above is the ‘compromise’ I made to have Desmond be more or less in line with his setup in Assassin’s Creed.

Of course, if you want to have fun and make Desmond suffer (affectionately), you can make him a Warlock with a pact with an unknown Great Old One. This would add a layer of mystery to who had ‘helped’ Desmond be pushed into Faerun and we can hint that the Great Old One is:

Isn’t actually a Great Old One but one of the gods but Desmond’s otherworldly-ness and his lack of ‘worshipping’ stopped him from being a Paladin or a Cleric and pushed him into Warlock territory

Is one of the Isus from his world that had escaped into Faerun (or somewhere close by) but, since that Isu is a deity from their world, the Isu is counted as one of the Great Old Ones (which sounds a lot like “Those Who Came Before”)

Desmond’s patron isn’t one entity but a legion, using some kind of system to support or affectionately bully him at times if and only if the legion reaches a majority vote. Desmond technically has multiple access to ‘Wish’ but it’s more of him asking help from the legion and hoping many of them would give him what he wants. … and, yes, I am basing the legion on the whole “Desmond’s patron is us” idea I have XD

Even if Desmond isn’t a magic class, I think he’d have a few scrolls with him, mostly support spells like Invisibility, Fly and even Enhance Leap (also Speak with Dead and Speak with Animal) with a few attack spells that he uses as distraction most of the time

Sidebar: I’m not sure if you mean Astarion’s spawn as in we’re setting this after BG3 with Astarion having ascended and making Desmond his spawn or if you meant Desmond is a fellow Cazador spawn, either way, we’ll have to find a way for Desmond to escape his sire’s thrall if that’s the case. The easiest would be Desmond getting a tadpole in his brain like Astarion but that does mean that… well… if his sire was Astarion, this will lead to Desmond wanting to kill Astarion because he sees being put in his thrall as something horrible as it makes him lose control over himself even if Astarion was to be… ‘kind’ to him. If it was Cazador though, then that means Desmond will want to kill Cazador (and maybe Astarion and the party helped him during the whole… Cazador ‘sidequest’) and that would be his reason for being unable to keep himself from the plot.

[shit-mcu-stans-write]

submission from anon: essay on rhodey

my apologies that this is so long. i had a lot more to say than i realised and this… just kind of happened.

so… lieutenant colonel james “jim” rupert “rhodey” rhodes… i have a lot of feelings about him and his character development and for once… i actually like what i see from the mcu. i love what the mcu has completely unintentionally done for him and i find it absolutely hilarious because i know it’s 100% unintentional, because they’d never purposefully make rhodey’s character development so anti-tony-stark. but that’s what we’ve been presented with. and i love it. hear me out:

in iron man 1 rhodey starts as tony’s babysitter. rhodey says so himself: “you don’t respect yourself so I know you don’t respect me - i’m just your babysitter” but despite the fact he knows tony doesn’t respect him, he’s still there for tony, still supporting him, still showing him as much love as he can no matter how little tony gives back. he puts it down the the fact tony doesn’t respect himself; he’s reckless and childish and doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. rhodey might be being sarcastic and snarky when he’s saying “when you need your diaper changed let me know and I’ll get you a bottle” but there’s some truth to it: he can’t help but mother-hen tony, because someone has to be responsible for the kid (he sure as hell can’t be responsible for himself!), and rhodey has put himself in that position.

i think a lot of that’s to do with the fact they both met really young in mit, with rhodey being a couple (?) years older than tony at the time. they stuck together because they were both in the unique position of being child prodigies, but because rhodey was the older of the two i think he quickly settled into a caregiving role. but by iron man 1, rhodey has emotionally matured, and tony hasn’t. he hasn’t needed to, being a white billionaire boy and all. so rhodey still sees tony as this kid he’s always been there for, always protecting, always giving and giving and giving to, and putting up with. they’ve been friends for so long that he’s used to it.

by iron man 2, rhodey is fed up. tony is being even more reckless than usual because he’s dying but no one knows, so rhodey is being pushed to his breaking point. there’s a deleted scene where rhodey says something which i feel says everything you need about what their relationship has become by now: “hanging out with you is bad for our friendship”. rhodey is starting to realise just how impossible being an actual friend - not just a yes-man and support staff - for tony is. and all that culminates in the fight scene where, upon seeing tony drunk and endangering his party guests in a WMD supersuit, rhodey reaches that breaking point. protects tony from himself one last time by fighting him, then cuts ties.

only, by the end of iron man 2, rhodey learns that taking the suit to the military and letting hammer get his paws on it was a bad idea, and that tony was literally near death the whole time he was being a dick, and then they have to team up to defeat vanko together. so despite having gone through all the shit tony’s put him through and realising how terrible a friend tony actually is, he chalks this all up to a mistake and a misunderstanding on his part. gives tony a second (or, more realistically, hundredth) chance. which is why in iron man 3 they’re best buds again. im3 is probably the healthiest depiction of their relationship tbh, and that’s on im3 tony being the least assholeish depiction of tony in the whole mcu (imo).

but tony’s character begins to sour massively from AOU onwards (not saying he wasn’t an… abrasive character beforehand, to say the least, but clearly all the guilt from causing ultron and inadvertently causing the mess in sokovia is affecting him and his relationships; pepper, another caregiving character that has put up with tony’s entitled, misogynistic bullshit for years, has left him, and i think that’s a massive sign that he’s spiralling in a similar way he did in im2. after all, the writers refuse to develop him as a character, which means he’ll never get help for his mental health and never learn healthy coping mechanisms. i honestly wonder what happened for pepper to leave - we’ve seen the breaking point for rhodey, so what was hers?)

so yeah, anyway, tony is starting to spiral again from AOU. civil war happens - he blames the team and latches onto the accords as a way to absolve himself of the guilt, bla bla bla, you know the plot. and, just like the others, rhodey is given mere days to read, consider, and sign this life-changing document; not only is his best friend vehemently, vocally, and violently in favour these documents, they’re also coming from a position of power that he, as a military man, respects. so it makes sense he’d initially be on the side of the accords.

and then something even more life-changing than the accords happens for rhodey. sam accidentally shoots him down and he injures his legs so bad that he can’t walk without support. and rhodey’s response to that? i know we don’t get to see much of rhodey’s response and recovery, which is a travesty, but what we do get? really sheds some light on the kind of man rhodey is, and how he develops as a person by the end of endgame. 

for once in his life, rhodey is in the position of needing to be cared for - and on top of that, tony is the one offering. we also see that rhodey wants his recovery to be something he does alone as much as he possibly can, because that’s just the kind of person he is; we see the sheer amount of value he places on his ability to handle things on his own, and the skyrocket-high responsibility he holds himself to. and now all of a sudden tony’s actually trying to reciprocate the attention and care he’s shown him without reward for years (and only because of this guilt spiral he’s been on since AOU)… and that must have been fucking jarring for rhodey.

i think the sudden and strange role reversal probably helped him work out a few things about his relationship with tony a lot. which is why, when infinity war rolls around, they don’t interact. rhodey seems closer to and more in alignment with the “rogues”/“nomads” than tony. where once he agreed with the accords, he’s had some time to actually read them and reconsider them, and he’s against them now! he hates ross and greets steve with a warm hug!

and something i love so fucking much about infinity war (dispite all it’s other faults)? sam and rhodey’s relationship. sam shot rhodey down and disabled him for the rest of his life. and rhodey forgives him. first of all, because that’s the kind of person rhodey is (he’s had plenty of practice forgiving all kinds of shit with tony), and rhodey understands it was a mistake (and probably empathises with how horrible it must have been for sam; he’s military too, he understands that specific kind of guilt). interesting to compare rhodey’s response to the mistake with tony’s. and heartwarming to see that, for once, when rhodey forgives someone for what they’ve done, he is given gratitude and a genuine two-way friendship in response. i live for sam and rhodey’s every interaction in iw.

and then we get to endgame. know how many times rhodey interacts with tony in endgame? twice. first interaction: “okay, you made your point - just sit down, okay?” (read: “stop acting like a child before you hurt yourself”). second interaction: *sadly touches his face as he realises he’s dying before moving aside to let peter and pepper say their goodbyes*. what i love about these interactions - and the lack of any other interactions - is what it clearly means for rhodey:

1) tony still means a lot to rhodey. he’ll always mean a lot to him. they were best friends since they were literally just kids at mit. he’ll always, i think, love tony and want to care for and protect him (from himself, mainly). and tony, in his own way, will always love rhodey. but, 2) rhodey has still, nevertheless, cut ties with tony. i think the time away from action caused by the long recovery process he would’ve went through not only let rhodey reconsider his stance on the accords and his superiors in the military such as ross, but it also gave him time (and a wildly new perspective) to realise how toxic his relationship with tony truly is.

and what’s great to compare the way in which and reasons why he cuts ties with tony after civil war compared to the way in which and reasons why he cut ties with tony during im2, is that rhodey hasn’t been pushed to his breaking point this time. he has way more agency in his choice this time. he’s not leaving because he’s been infuriated one time too many; he’s doing it because he’s actually being given the kind of support he himself has been dishing out all these years… and doesn’t want it. not if it’s coming from the place of convenience and guilt that it is with tony. he cannot be guilt-tripped into forgiving tony anymore because he is making his choice this time with clear-mindedness.

and you know what’s so great about him finally genuinely cutting ties with tony this time around? he’s no longer his yes-man. he gets space to breathe as his own character. he jokes around more. he’s not annoyed all the time. he gets involved with the rest of the team. as i’ve said, he interacts with sam and it’s beautiful. he interacts with nebula and it’s heartwarming and they form a bond so quickly. and in all the new interactions he gets you see he is receiving so much more respect and reciprocation than he’s ever experienced with tony. and it makes me so happy.

also i can’t help but think about how it’s also a pretty big deal for him as a black character to go through all of these revelations and developments; black kids are often encouraged/forced to mature mentally/emotionally a lot quicker than white kits, and take on responsibility that shouldn’t be their burden to bear from a young age (which i think was absolutely something rhodey experienced as a highly intelligent black child), and it’s not uncommon for black characters to be portrayed in these caregiving roles to Hurt White Characters. so for him to break out of that box is just beautiful.

tony, on the other hand, is a white billionaire who never learned how to grow up; he’s never had to handle the kind of daily-grind stress that non-billionaire poc like rhodey have handled since they were a kid. not saying tony hasn’t faced other kinds of stress, but for the most part? everything has been given to him on a shiny golden platter. so when responsibility is thrust upon him - when his faults are actually pointed out - he doesn’t know how to handle it. hasn’t learned. it destroys his mental health. he gets destructive in turn. irreparably damages his relationships. spirals and spirals and refuses. to get. help. (you’re a billionaire, tony - you can afford a therapy. and the idealisation/romanticisation of unhealthy guilt spirals and a mindset of powering through despite everything and without asking for help until you crash and burn is not good mental illness/neurodivergent rep, it’s just the only one the mcu knows how to write.) i despair at the loss of opportunity when it comes to tony’s character and what he could have come to represent, but that’s another essay entirely.

when it comes to rhodey, however, the mcu have accidentally created a wonderful character and a wonderful character arc. that’s not to say they deserve any praise though, because this was likely never their intention and it’s purely accidental (again, they’d never purposefully give rhodey such an anti-tony character arc, just like they’d never intentionally make tony a bad role model, but that’s what they did, completely accidentally).

not only is rhodey a character who is unwaveringly kind and forgiving (and is rewarded for these traits later down the line in his new relationships), but we also get to see him learn how his kindness and forgiveness shouldn’t be taken for granted as it has been for years of his life. we see him step away from harmful relationships. we see him take back his life for himself - refuse to be someone else’s nanny. we see his growth and his development, and it’s wonderful, and i love him.

in conclusion: war machine rox. 

[residentlesbrarian]

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist. 

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review: 

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great! 

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything. 

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on.  They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations. 

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold.  She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links: 

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all. 

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many. 

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[bigskydreaming]

Making this its own post because replying to the ask got so weirdly formatted I can’t even. Oh tumblr. You work so well.

@themessofthecentury  asked:

jsksjf my tumblr notifs are bugging and i didnt see your post but!!! The patron Saint of Robins?? I am much intrigue!!

(This is from this ask game, just....gotten to late, lololol. And I still have more I’m getting to, no worries. Just had a rough couple days is all, laid me up a bit.)

Okay, so The Patron Saint of Robins is kinda like the situation at the end of Grayson, except also not at all. And actually this is one of my older WIPs, and according to Scrivener I started it in 2015 afhislfhalhfalf, so it really has nothing to do with that. Also, its Young Justice-verse, but for two specific reasons:

1) YJ-verse is my go-to for Good Dad Bruce Wayne, when I don’t want to actually tackle the issues I have with his and his kids’ dynamic in comic book canon. I don’t carry over things like the adoption issue or the Robin succession into YJ fics, as I don’t think there’s anything that suggests they’re ever a specific issue in YJ and I don’t feel a need to make them one. So pretty much anything and everything I write in YJ goes with the backstory that Dick’s already adopted by Season One, and he’s the one to grant each later Robin permission to use the mantle, with no conflict over that, and more of a pre-Crisis transition to Nightwing than the post-Crisis firing from Robin. And this fic inherently needs Good Dad Bruce Wayne to work, lol.

2) I needed Klarion the Witch-Boy. Who of course exists in comic book canon, but is muuuuuch different there, and I just needed him to be a little demonic evil shithead, who sets everything in motion to get payback on the heroes for thwarting the Light in Season One, and he targets Robin due to being the oft-cited ‘first of the baby brat heroes’ and the ‘heart of the cape community.’

You don’t really need to be familiar with YJ canon at all for this one, as it goes sharply AU from after Season One, and only faintly and vaguely references specific events from that season. And I use my own YJ-ized version of the Titans as much as the actual YJ Team.

So basically, the plot of this one is to take revenge on the heroes for spoiling his game in Season One, Klarion plays a new game, by putting a chaos curse on Robin. It essentially erases him from peoples’ memories, though he’s perfectly able to make new ones. If he re-introduces himself to someone ask Dick Grayson, for instance, they don’t suddenly remember who Dick Grayson is or was, but they don’t forget about him again from that point onward, its like they meet him for the first time as a stranger.

But the curse part of things is only Batman can break it and restore everyone’s memories of Dick and his actual history, and only by identifying him for who he really is. And Dick can’t be part of breaking his own curse or else it seals it and makes it permanent and unbreakable forever.

Which of course leaves Dick completely miserable at first, understandably, and Bruce (and everyone else Dick knows, to varying different degrees) feeling some kind of loss but with no idea what it is they think or feel that they’re missing. Dick makes some half-hearted attempts at starting a new life for himself in Gotham, and in the process befriends a street kid named Jason Todd, though Dick introduces himself to Jason with just the name Robin.

The way the curse operates is it restitches together peoples’ memories to cover up the gaps where memories of him would go. So for instance, even though Jason never knew Dick before the curse, he was familiar with Batman and Robin just as much as any Gothammite was.....but due to the curse, the name Robin, upon meeting Dick, had no special meaning to him or anyone else. As far as he knew, Batman had always operated on his own in Gotham, the first teen superhero was that Speedy kid in Star City, etc. So when Jason first meets Dick, he just thinks he’s some dude whose name happens to be Robin.

Eventually, because Dick’s been kinda torturing himself by spying on Bruce just to ‘keep an eye on him’ and still watch his back, and he’s recognized by now that Bruce is mourning his loss without even knowing that he’s missing something....so Dick, who has also kinda come to see Jason as a little brother figure due to watching out for him as well....decides to kill two birds with one stone, unfortunate pun not intended. (Jason doesn’t die in this one, lol). Basically, Dick puts in motion the chain of events that lead Jason to stealing Batman’s tires, because he doesn’t know EXACTLY what Bruce will do but he knows it’ll get his attention in a big way and Bruce will take it from there.

One thing leads to another, Jason ends up living with Bruce and when eventually he wants to be trained by Bruce so he can do what he does and protect kids like he used to be.....when asked to pick a name....Jason names himself after the guy who always looked out for him, and who led to him being found by Bruce in the first place. He doesn’t know that his friend ‘Robin’ steered him towards those tires deliberately, just to bring him and Bruce into contact, but he does credit him with making the suggestion that ‘inadvertently’ (as far as he knows) enabled his and Bruce’s introduction, and so he names himself in honor of the boy who helped him and who he tried to track down again to similarly help, after Bruce adopted him, but was never able to find again.

Over the years, Dick also ends up steering Tim, Cass, Duke and Damian to Bruce in different ways than comic book canon (Steph and Babs’ debuts remain their own, as family adjacent but not family specifically) and thus is integral to the forming of the Batfam and has a connection with them even before the curse ultimately ends up broken and he’s able to reclaim his full identity. And each of them end up Robin at least briefly, like Steph is never Robin in this AU, and sticks with Spoiler, whereas Cass IS briefly Robin before becoming Batgirl after Babs. I did this for a few different reasons...

One, I really like that Cass is never Robin in main continuity as it creates a different dynamic between her and Dick than most of their siblings have, BUT I’ve always been curious to play around what Cass-as-Robin might even be like, just for an AU. Two, part of the Black Bat and Batgirl but never Robin sequence of mantles for Cass in the comic book continuity is like.....although it doesn’t get explored nearly enough, Babs was as much a kind of mother figure for Cass as Bruce was a father figure, despite Babs’ young age. So it makes more sense for Cass to stick more to just Bat-mantles than to ever be a Robin in the comic books. But in YJ, Babs is even younger, and just way too young to have the specific kind of dynamic that leads to that in the comic books, so its not as unreasonable IMO for her to have a different dynamic in her early days in the family here, before becoming closer with Babs and taking up the Batgirl mantle after she moves on to become Oracle.

And then also, and this is also the primary reason for making Duke a Robin briefly, before Damian is old enough....I got hung up on the title and it just didn’t work as well if it was Robins + Cass and Duke, lololol. See, in addition to helping steer the family into the points of introduction that make them a family, over the years he also acts as like, a guardian angel figure to the various family members, looking out for them and interceding in times of extreme danger, like when Jason is almost killed by the Joker. He’s always in disguise, but the kids eventually compare notes and realize there’s a singular figure behind each of their introductions to Bruce and the guy swooping out of nowhere to save their behinds whenever they’re most in danger, and Jason eventually connects this back to the guy who apparently NOT so coincidentally suggested he go after the Batmobile’s tires that fateful night, and the kids end up jokingly/not-so-jokingly referring to this figure as the Patron Saint of Robins. (Shout-out to the occasional mentions/allusions of Jason’s Catholicism).

They never tell Bruce about this figure (at least before Bruce starts to put together clues on his own), because they all figured out that for whatever reason, this person despite wanting them all to meet Bruce seems to want to avoid Bruce himself, and they kinda want to respect that as a kind of payback for his help, and also like....Bruce, even a kinder, gentler Bruce, is still Bruce. And when Bruce is gonna Bruce, that means Batparanoia. And all of them for various reasons DO trust that this guy has nothing but good intentions towards them, and so they don’t want to like....ruin or tarnish the positivity they associate with his intercession in their lives with paranoia or treating him like a bad guy. Which ultimately is really just smoke and mirrors for saying that he’s kinda a ‘just for them’ secret. Its a Robin thing.

(Until its not).

Because meanwhile, Dick, in between meeting the various Batfam members and pulling strings and looking out for them from the shadows, at first travels the world looking for ways to break his curse. But when ultimately its clear that the only way to break it is the loophole built into it already, Bruce identifying him for who he really is, but without Dick doing anything to steer him towards the answer, Dick settles into a new hero identity as Nightwing, and forms the Teen Titans, a public group of young superheroes (minus Roy and Wally, unfortunately, but still with Donna, Garth, Raven, Kory, ignoring season 3 Vic and also Terra because AU redemption arc what what, etc). And the Teen Titans avoid both the Young Justice Team and the Justlce League with EXTREME measures, much to the other heroes’ confusion and aggravation, because in the early days of the Titans, in a moment of what he’d term weakness, on one of his ‘bad days,’ Dick tells them enough of his story that they’re able to put together a good sense of what happened and who he really is by reading between the lines and what he leaves unsaid....

BUT as a result, all end up extremely committed to not mixing and mingling casually with the rest of the cape community because they don’t want to risk dropping any hints about the guy under Nightwing’s mask, in case that might count as steering Batman towards clues and seal the curse for good. So I have a lot of fun with having the Titans just nope out of the scene the second the bad guys are defeated even when they have to team up with other heroes, leaving the other heroes confused as hell and trying not to be all ‘WHY DON’T YOU LIKE US??”

Anyway, so yeah, that’s the gist of this one, lol. With it of course following the eventual plot that like...the Batfam starts to Detect and put things together.

ANYWHO!

Snippet

Damian versus Klarion: Round One

“Aww, its adorable that you think you’re in my league,” the Witch-Boy cooed in an absolute mockery of sympathy. Damian bristled, but before he could do anything more than that, he was faced with a much more pressing matter as reality completely lost its mind.

The walls of the cavern fell away in an instant, only to be replaced with a whirling dervish of winds all around them, as if they now stood in the center of a cyclone that bled red and silver and black. It shrieked and wailed in a chorus of voices just on the other side of being comprehensible, a symphony of the damned that set every nerve in Damian’s body aflame with a primal instinct to get out, to find silence, to be anywhere but here.

He’d barely staggered a step backwards when the ground erupted beneath him, splitting apart into jagged obsidian shards that bobbed precariously in the sea of magma barely glimpsed through cracks now spiderwebbing their way across the floor. Spears of lightning burst upwards through them, stabbing impossibly at the heavens rather than raining down from them. They hissed and crackled as they flickered like forked serpent tongues of electric violet and black. The forks becoming branches, the pillars of sky-shattering light transforming into the trunks of great trees that grew upwards and outward, weaving a canopy overhead. One that wept violently red leaves that fell gently to the ground, only to hiss and bubble like acid once they did.

“See, normally this is when I’d hit someone with a little razzle-dazzle like this,” Klarion called out over the song of madness he’d created, as it crooned and careened wildly all around them. He snapped his fingers, and in the span of a second it all ceased. Reality reaffirmed itself, and all was right with the world once more…except now the two of them stood at the end of a hallway in Wayne Manor.

Damian stumbled, the sudden reappearance of firm ground paradoxically being the thing to challenge his balance. The demon boy standing beside him crooked his thumb and forefinger in the semblance of a gun, the smile pasted across his face one of wickedly gleeful malice.

“But you, kiddo, you’re special. Cuz there’s nothing I could do to you now that could top what I’ve already done, so why try when I can just savor the moment instead?”

“What are you babbling about?” Damian demanded roughly. In the wake of what the Witch-Boy had just conjured up with nothing more than a gesture, he was keenly aware of how flimsy a shield his bravado made. He just had absolutely no idea what else to fall back on.

Klarion only threw back his head and laughed though, skipping merrily down the hall as he did.

“I know something you don’t know,” he sing-songed and Damian lost what little grasp of his patience he’d managed to hang onto.

“You overestimate my need for an answer. Attempt to intimidate me all you wish, but I have no desire to indulge your little game any further.”

Klarion jerked to a stop and spun around, his face screwed into a childish pout. He stomped his foot, petulance personified. “I’m not intimidating you anymore, I’m gloating! Ugh, you’re so stupid! They’re completely different, how can you not tell?”

Every light in the hallway flickered and fizzed abruptly. The walls wavered, bubbled, momentarily molten as if made of wax.

Again Damian was reminded just how mercurial this being he was faced with was, and how dangerous. Perhaps, as Father would say, this was not the time to indulge his own instinctive inclinations. Or as Todd would put it, just because you’re already fucked, that’s no reason to fuck yourself over more than you have to.

Crude as his older brother was, there was occasional merit to his…pithiness. Not that he would be admitting that any time soon, of course.

“Fine. What is it you wish to gloat about then?” Damian grated out. The appeasement, such as it was, tried its best to stick in his throat before finally clawing its way free. But at least it proved worth the effort when the godling’s mood reverted back to impishness as readily as with the flip of a switch.

“Well. Its like this, you see.” Klarion said. He dragged it out as he folded both legs underneath him to sit cross-legged in the air, plopping his head into his hands. “I did a baaaaaaaaaaaaad, bad thing to your family, a loooooong time ago. And none of you have done anything about it, because you don’t even know! Isn’t that funny? Doesn’t matter how big a hero Daddy Bats is if he doesn’t even know what needs saving huh? Little Catch-22 there, you might say.”

“Yes. Quite hysterical,” Damian said dryly. “So what is it you claim to have done then?”

The Witch-Boy just sat there, regarding him with amusement, and the seconds marched on into minutes. Damian’s skin crawled. Prickling with impatience and possibly something…more. He wasn’t quite ready to name it anxiety or something as melodramatic as all that yet. In fact, he’d rather not put a name to it at all, but today did not appear to be a day for configuring things to his liking.  

Klarion’s wicked grin grew as if sensing his thoughts, though to the best of his knowledge (and Damian did quickly ransack the library of his memory just to be sure) there was no indication telepathy was included among the Chaos Lord’s many, many powers. And still that detestable smile stretched slowly wider all the same, in perfect synchronization with the rising tide of Damian’s unease. Perhaps the Witch-Boy’s file was in need of annotation.

“How many doors would you say are in this hallway?”

“What? Seven.” Damian snapped out his answer, annoyed by the non sequitur. Not to mention baffled. Was it too much to expect even a semblance of linear thought from the Chaos brat?

“Are you suuuuuuure?” The Witch-Boy stretched his query out obnoxiously. “Maybe you should count again. Just for kicks and giggles.”

Damian throttled back each and every retort attempting to spring to his lips, stuffing them back down and cramming a lid on everything he most dearly wished to say to this most vexing of…shitheads. Once again, it appeared as though nothing less than Todd’s preferred form of nomenclature would suffice. Wonderful. On top of everything else Damian had to deal with today, he seemed to be finding common ground with the man all over the place. Was there no end to the indignities he must suffer?

But marshaling his own formidable willpower, Damian took a deep breath and indulged the Chaos Lord, glancing his eyes down the length of the hallway and counting out each doorway one by one. There was his own room of course, with Cassandra’s to the right of his, and the room Brown used when staying over to the right of hers. That was three. Then there was Thomas directly across from his own room, with Drake to his right and Todd just beyond that, with Father’s room at the very end of the hall, his master suite staggered and with no direct opposite like the others. Seven.

Except all of a sudden there was a door directly opposite his father’s. For a total of eight.

Damian’s brow furrowed in consternation. The faint whispers of uncertainty already seeded throughout him bore fruit, ripening into poisonous stabbings of doubt.

“That’s not real,” he stated with as much conviction as he could muster.

The Witch-Boy’s smile only grew wider still. “Isn’t it, though?”

“There’s never been a door there before,” Damian persisted, striding confidently down the hall towards it. The Chaos Lord flitted ahead of him, inverting til he was upside down and skipping merrily once more, though this time from the ceiling.

“Or has it been there all along?” He sing-songed some more.

“I would think we might have noticed if it had been,” Damian growled.

“Yes, you’d think, wouldn’t you? You are all supposed to be a family of detectives, I thought. Makes you wonder…if you could miss this, what else might you have failed to notice?”

Damian snarled to himself and did his best to shut out the demon boy’s prattling. He quickened his strides, eating up the length of the hallway in his haste to reach its end. He wasn’t sure what opening the door would prove, let alone what bewilderment the godling had conjured on its other side, but it appeared the only end to this game of his was through it, so let there be an end to it already.

And yet, for all his certainty - or best facsimile of it - he couldn’t help but pause once he reached the door in question. His hand hovered within reach of its brass knob, but some instinct, some…caution, held him at bay. As much as he wanted to dismiss all this as just one more of the Chaos Lord’s inane charades, there was a tension in the air that felt too weighty to be the product of just magical conjuring. Something more was in play here. Real forces were at work. His father might disdain magic, but Damian had been around enough of it himself to know when true power had been raised. And the span of empty space between his hand and this hither-to-unseen doorknob held more of it than Damian had felt throughout all the mad warpings Klarion had made of reality thus far.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Klarion asked from somewhere overhead. His voice, usually pitched to carry, was so soft for a moment Damian mistook it for his own inner doubts. “Some doors are easier to open than to close again, you know.”

Even knowing the goading for what it was couldn’t stop Damian then, and with a simple breath to fortify himself, he reached for the knob, spun it once, and shoved the door open all in a single sharp movement.

The Witch-Boy giggled up above.

The door swung wide, a forceful arc that should have revealed anything and everything within it all at once; the better to react quickly to whatever that might be. Fine in principle, perfect in execution, but thwarted by one small detail:

There was nothing on the other side.

And not in the sense of it being just an empty room, but true nothingness. A pitch-black abyss darker than the deepest night, yawning forth from the doorway in a vast, impenetrable shroud. Nor was anything hidden in the darkness, Damian knew, even if just intuitively. He could feel it, that he stood on the edge of an impossible cliff, that there was nothing beyond this threshold but an aching chasm of emptiness and loss. The surety of it hung in the air, thick and heavy, a miasma that seeped through to his side of the doorway and clung to him like the moisture of a fog beads upon the skin.

Klarion’s head suddenly popped up alongside him, hovering just over his shoulder.

Albeit still upside down.

“Well that doesn’t seem right,” he mused, tapping at his lips with a forefinger. “What do you suppose is meant to be in there?”

The last of Damian’s brittle patience shattered.

“Enough! What is the meaning of all this, demon? Speak plainly, for once in your miserable existence!”

His self-preservation instincts and the reminder of just who it was he was shouting at kicked in too little too late, but he wouldn’t take his exasperated fury back even if he could. He was who he was after all. But fortunately, that described the Witch-Boy just as accurately, and rather take offense or perceive any actual threat from Damian’s rage, the Chaos Lord just shrieked with laughter and sprung backwards. He flipped right side up, still hovering in mid-air, and clapped his hands with glee.

“Oh, I should have done this ages ago,” Klarion sang out. “Why, you’re almost as fun as he used to be. Back before he got all droll and serious, that is. He’s no fun at all anymore, nothing like this. Never wants to play, always just running back to his tower with that little bitch of a demoness.”

His face soured like he’d just sucked on a lemon. But rather than stop there, his countenance kept morphing into an increasingly savage scowl, the longer he ranted. The hallway was suddenly sweltering, baking with unseen heat that twisted the air into shimmering ribbons. The small horns sprouting from his forehead burst into scimitars of flame that cut through those ribbons and set them similarly ablaze.

“Always putting on airs like she’s some kind of royalty, just because her Daddy Dearest put the fear into a few peasants back in the day,” the Witch-Boy snarled viciously. “As if that’s enough to put her on par with the likes of me. No one is the likes of me. NO ONE!”

Reality itself quaked with the force of his shout. White-blue flames spat forth and crescendoed down the length of the corridor, splashing against its walls and searing them to a crisp. Damian braced himself for all the good it would do, keenly aware of the void still gaping hungrily behind his back, but before the fire could become an actual danger to him as well, all was quiet once more.

Silence hung in the air much like the demon boy, poised yet motionless. Suspended. Waiting.

And then Klarion simply inhaled and brushed his hands down the front of his garments, smoothing out the wrinkles as he reclaimed his calm. The corridor restored itself to its former self, curtains of vintage reality unrolling from the ceiling to the floor as though papering over the damage. Damian felt rather than saw when the portal behind him swung shut and was replaced with the expanse of ivory paint and ornate sconces he was used to seeing in its place.

“I am one of a kind, after all,” Klarion finally remarked. It was a casual drawl offered forth almost off-handedly, as if more a reminder to himself than uttered for anyone else’s sake. He used one hand to spell out letters in the air. They appeared and vanished again in bursts of fireworks and fluorescent flame. “U-N-I-Q-U-E.”

“As I, apparently, am not,” Damian said, seizing upon the Chaos Lord’s restored calm and good cheer. “Who is this ‘he’ you mentioned? If I’m to be pitted against him as entertainment in your eyes, might I at least know his name?”

“Nuh-uh-uh,” the Witch-Boy scolded. He wagged his finger at Damian. “No spoilers. That’s not how the game is played.”

Keenly aware of the boy’s power once more, Damian gritted his teeth and pressed on. “Well, if there are to be rules, shouldn’t I at least know what those are?”

Klarion sucked in a deep breath, drawing himself up along with his inhalation as though preparing for some great speech…and instead just toppling backward, flopping onto an extravagant fainting couch that suddenly appeared beneath him, though similarly floating in the air.

“I can’t recall at the moment.” His now-faint voice drifted up from where he lay buried amid a mountain of pillows. “I’ve had a terribly exhausting day. But you’re supposed to be a detective, remember? Go…I don’t know. Detect things.”

He flapped an arm at Damian dismissively, and then crooked a finger into a twirling motion that set his divan to spinning in lazy circles.

“Isn’t life grand?” Klarion sighed fondly. “With all its twists and turns, its eddies and swirls. I mean, take the two of us. Scant hours ago, we were mortal enemies, and just look at us now.”

The Witch-Boy lazily rolled his head to the side as the couch drifted to bring him face-to-face with Damian. His lips spread wide in that malevolent, wicked grin of his once again, but somehow it managed to be even wider than any he’d shown off before. His eyes blazed with a hellish inner light, and his voice, when next he spoke, dropped deep into a demonic register. A bass that boomed forth and set Damian’s very bones to rattling.

“Ain’t we got fun?”

[extremelyblackandwhite]

reader being best friends with carter while he's chasing serena but also being in love with him?

CARTER BAIZEN APPRECIATION SQUAD ASSEMBLE! (i promise i’ll get to non carter requests)

y/n and carter had known each other for a while

they had met during a summer at the hamptons when his parents invited her family over for dinner

she had helped him inside the house after returning from a particular night out which to his parents was a meeting with some of his friends to go over stuff for the new school year

from then onwards carter and y/n became friends

he would meet her in the back of her parents apartment and the two would drive around the nights of new york talking about their problems

it hadn’t taken long for y/n to fall in love with him

he was an attractive, smart man who seemed to have more goals other than the vapid boys she knew from st.judes

it wasn’t like she expected him to return her affections. she was his sister’s age, 3 years younger. she knew he wouldn’t be interested so she hid it deep inside her heart where no one would see it

after all she’d rather have a tiny bit of his heart than have to pretend he never existed

maybe she should’ve seen it coming that he would leave, but she didn’t and one afternoon as she knocked on his door to pick him up to go for their weekly lunch at his favourite spot was the moment she wished she could’ve avoided it

it was his mother who had opened the door, tight smile on her face, pity in her eyes as she stared at the girl in front of her “do you not know, sweetheart?” “am i supposed to know something?” “he left. says he doesn’t want anything to do with this family anymore”

her heart stopped for a while, the buzzing sound of her mind wondering why, why he wouldn’t tell her

it had been his sister caroline who had helped her through it, telling her he wasn’t even worth the hazzle, to instead focus on the much more attractive boys her age attending st.judes

y/n wasn’t interested but as time flew by she slowly learned to accept that he wasn’t returning

she had built a life for herself, becoming one of constance’s shining stars holding near perfect grades

she had also built a friendship with blair waldorf after serena had left her, both of them bonding over having someone leaving unexpectedly 

“my mum was supposed to host a tea party for CeCe and she went to paris. usual” “do you need any help?” “wanna come? might make it less boring besides you still need a date for cotillion“ “well not everyone can have nate archibald for a date” “i am pretty lucky aren’t i? but you need a date, you cannot not have an escort. even serena is taking ... dan” “alright, i’ll go to the tea party” “perfect”

she should’ve not gone. she should’ve just accepted caroline’s invitation to go shop for a cotillion dress but she didn’t. she couldn’t see the future.

as she walked off the lift into the van der woodsen’s apartment, a familiar face showed, sat in a couch surrounded by girls 

“y/n” blair rushed over to her side “i don’t want to frighten you but ... carter’s here” “i’ve seen.” “i want you to know that i didn’t invite him. cece invited him, she wants him to be serena’s escort.” “that’s fine” “are you sure? i could kick him out” “that’s fine”

it wasn’t fine. 

she spent the whole tea party as further from him as possible, not sure of what to say to him or how to even react

although she had to admit it broke her heart that he wasn’t interested in even talking to her, instead looking her way and immediately turning to receive the praise of several girls

“he’s not even that attractive” blair rolled her eyes at her minions which were fauning over him “urgh, imagine being attracted to a wannabe matthew mcconaughey” “you don’t have to make me feel better, blair” “look at that last season suit. disgusting” 

she stayed until the end of the party, chatting up with several people who came to ask about her family business and by the end of the party she had even started to help the maids bring dirty dishes into the kitchen

“you were always an odd one, i have to give you that” a voice made her drop the porcelain onto the soapy water and turn her face towards its direction. carter. “y/n, i’m really sorry” “yeah i could tell since you didn’t call or write after you left” “i didn’t have any way to contact you” “you didn’t even tell me you were leaving carter. do you know how it felt walking up to your house and having your mother tell me you left?” “i had to go y/n” “so have i, carter.”

she didn’t want to speak with him, she didn’t want to fall back into the state

at least she had decided not to speak with him until nate punched him at cotillion 

“you look like shit” “thanks, y/n.” “i gotta say, i wanted to do that myself. nate stole that away from me” “how long are you gonna be upset with me, y/n?” “as long as i want” “c’mon, let’s do something together” “i said i would act civilised with you not lobotomised” “c’mon, y/n. i’ll pay” “do you even have any money? didn’t your parents cut you off?” “i’ll find a way” “... fine. the bar of the lotte new york palace

blair and caroline had told her not to go but she thought that it would be better to get it over and done with. to call it water under the bridge and not have him haunt her what ifs anymore

she found him at the bar of the palace, black suit on. he never used to wear suits, she still remembers him in his messy st. judes uniform, undone tie all the time

“you came” “i said i would” “i know you have every single reason to hate me but i miss you, y/n. i really do. i have so much to tell you” “some people would use a journal” “i fucked up, i know but ... second chance? you can punch me too if you want” “that’s a really good offer, i think i’m gonna pounder it” “how about i pick you up tomorrow night? late driving around new york” “you got yourself a deal, baizen”

soon enough she found herself in the same situation, still in love with him

he was still the same man, still the same chuckle, talking passionately about his projects, making stupid jokes

but one thing still was the same, the same thing she didn’t want to accept, he still would never reciprocate her feelings

“y/n, i can’t pick you up tonight. i have a date with serena.” “serena van der woodsen?” “yeah, do you mind?” “uh ... no... sure, go on”

her blood boiled out of jealousy

she always thought the reason he would never reciprocate her feelings was because she was younger but serena, serena was the same age as her and it stung, it stung so badly

she ended up at the house of the same person who could understand being jealous of serena : blair waldorf’s

“oh, please, y/n. seriously? carter? he’s so ... boring. god” “well i’m sorry blair not everyone can have their first time in the backseat of a limo with chuck bass” “hey now that nate is single maybe you should go out with him” “i’m not gonna go out with nate” “why you two would make such a nice couple” “i’m not in love with nate” “i’m sorry, y/n.” 

she pretended it was okay

she would smile whenever he talked about serena

she would be next to him when she undoubtedly got him inside her petty little games with chuck

she would be there when he quit her and she would be there when he took her back

she was there for everything until one morning where she was woken up by someone banging on her door

“nate?” “something happened and you might want to sit down” “what happened? are you okay?” “serena left with carter last afternoon” “what do you mean?” “they left y/n, together.”

suddenly she found herself in the same spot she had been years ago abandoned

he returned later that summer during the races but this time she didn’t forgive him

she spent the day with dan and blair, mindlessly listening to serena talking about how carter followed her but she knew better

she knew they’d be back together and surely again they were

carter should feel happy, serena was back but he didn’t feel better

he felt ... empty, like something was lacking

whenever he laid down next to her and feel asleep he dreamed of y/n

he dreamed of her vintage oversized tees reaching her knees as she read her favourite books in his study 

he dreamed of her laughter whenever he took her to a driver in theatre, fingers holding popcorns to her lips

he dreamed of her red tinted lips during festivities, dancing under streetlights singing showtunes, bitting her lips whenever she had a test

he convinced himself it was just missing her but part of him knew it wasn’t that

he should be with serena, her family approved, his family approved

so he stuck it out, convincing himself this was a phase just a phase

as serena dumped him on the side of the street he looked at the streetlight, remembering y/n in an oversized cardigan jumping puddles over it, twirling around it playfully

“what am i doing?”

he rushed down the streets of the upper east side like a mad man

he’d never walked this long

but he kept on walking, he kept on walking until he saw her apartment

he knocked on the door for what felt like a hundred times 

“i’m coming” he could hear her sleepy voice from the other side and sure enough, soon enough the sound of her steps became too loud and she opened the door “carter, what are y...” “let me just say something okay? then you can shut the door” “it’s 1 AM” “please” “20 seconds” “i’m sorry, y/n. i’m so sorry, i should’ve told you when i left years ago, i shouldn’t have left with serena. i should’ve stayed with you. you always listened to me, you always believed in me and i always let you down. i miss you, i miss having fights with you about star wars plots, speaking with you on the phone at 5 AM, trying to make you laugh when you were upset. i miss seeing your sleepy smile every single morning, i miss you” “carter” “all this time being with her i just kept thinking about doing those things with you. taking you to cotillion, dance with you, be at your graduation and help you move into college, take you to fancy bars and restaurants, buy you flowers and everything else money can afford and i missed out on it, i missed out on it and i cannot give them to you. but here’s what i propose ... i wanna be there when you graduate from college, i wanna be there to help you move into your very first apartment, i want to be there when you start your first job, i wanna be there for you.” “you’re not one to stick around, carter” “let me try, please let me try” “isn’t this your third chance?” “i will ask you for a million chances as long as i get to see you for the rest of my life” 

[mistresspandora-archive]

Although DG and great part of fandom rage I have to say I think Jamie’s behavior towards John quite intriguing. He touches John a lot Sometimes I think he has feelings he can’t admit himself or isn’t aware of how close he’s to John. But Jamie is emotionally intelligent and consciously control his acts all the time so no he’d aware of his own fellings but decided not to act about them. Maybe?? On the other hand he gains so much being a friend to John 1/2

(2/2)  He accepts gifs from John - some of them expensive ones - books and astrolabe- and what’s his retribution? Well letting John be his friend, be around the Fraser’s but not too close mind and having crumbs of his life. John changed his life to raise Willian accepted Brianna’s blackmail, helped from distance them at ridge and even married Claire. What good friend Jamie did for him during all this time??? There’s no balance in Jamie John friendship and Jamie is clever enough to see it.

Thanks for this, dear Anon! I hope I can cover everything...

Like my last answer, let me get a couple of things out the way before I get started:

I’m going to say some things about MY INTERPRETATION of Jamie’s character that may not be popular. These are MY opinions based purely on my understanding of canon material. I don’t bring in anything the original author says about the work outside of the text of said work. 

In this house we ship and let ship and we respect differing opinions about fictional characters ;-)

We good? Okay then, onward! (adding a cut because it’s long and no one wants to scroll for 30 minutes while I ramble about fictional people.

I’m going to answer this two ways. First, the less fun way that I’m not happy about...

...In the main novels, Lord John is a plot device:

He’s a supporting character whose purpose is to further the Fraser plot. Jamie accepts gifts from him because it solves challenges. They need books and an astrolabe, so John sends them. Brianna needs some conflict while she’s sitting around waiting for Roger to come back, so she blackmails John. There needs to be a reason for Jamie, Claire, John, and Willie to all be in the same place at the same time, so John marries Claire. Because of all this, we need a reason to keep John in Jamie’s life, so Jamie is touchy-feely with him (eventually) and asks for John’s help. So John pines away for twenty years because it creates conflict. In the LJG series it kind of works the opposite. In those books, Jamie is the supporting character whose purpose is to increase conflict for John. 

Now the fun way: let’s talk about them as if they are real people...

...Jamie is attracted to John and John has never asked for Jamie’s help.

Okay, let that sink in a second. Take a quick glance at the two points above the cut. Alright let’s press on.

There are a lot of clues and subtleties in the books that lead me to believe that Jamie isn’t precisely as straight as he would like to think he is. He’s repressed and deeply traumatized. Because, Dear Anon, you are correct. Jamie is very intelligent. He’s formally educated, he’s got common sense, what we would call “street smarts,” and he’s emotionally intelligent enough to have made a damn good spy. 

But for some reason, when John is involved, he loses his freaking mind. All of a sudden he can’t rub two brain cells together to make a spark. This also happens when Claire is in danger; logic means nothing and it’s just that sexy berserker rage. God will sort it out, after all.

So many interactions with Jamie and John end with Jamie either getting violent (in some capacity) or having wild hot sex with Claire. I feel like we’re working out some frustrations here, but that could just be me. Personally, I think Jamie has very complicated feelings for John and I think it’s distinctly possible that attraction is one of them. Based on his trauma history, I think this scares him shitless and then we’re back to him lashing out.

You also talked about the one-sidedness of the friendship, and you’re right. I think a big part of that plays into the plot device explanation above, but we’re talking about the characters as if they’re real people right now. John’s never asked for Jamie’s help, when Jamie really had a choice in the matter. John asked Jamie to do things while Jamie was a prisoner (either at Ardsmuir or on parole), but since they both ended up in America, John has asked for Jamie’s help one time that I can think of. And it was actually for Willie, not himself.

I think if John were to ask Jamie for something, Jamie would do it. He’s honorable to a fault and very loyal to the people he cares about. Despite all the wild shit between them, I still think Jamie cares for John. But I’m not so sure John believes he’s deserving of that, or that Jamie would help him if he asked for his own sake.

[foolsiwillshowthemall]

Rayla doesn’t do slow burn.

Random thoughts on Rayllum, heavy with TDP Season 3 spoilers, following.

Rayllum has been the most likely endgame ship among the main characters for a while, which is ironic considering that it wasn’t even planned from the start of the series.  The writers just realized midway through Season 2 that the chemistry between the two of them worked out really well.  For me, it clicked when Callum was reading the letter from his father, who advised Callum to seek a narrative of love instead of power.  It’s not clear if this line was written before or after the writers decided that Rayllum would be a thing, but it does fit perfectly with the love of a human prince and an elven assassin/Dragonguard helping bring peace to the two sides.

However, while I was expecting them to get together, I was expecting it to happen a lot more slowly than it did.  Usually in these kinds of shows, they’ll string along the will-they-or-won’t-they dance for as long as possible to build tension, and only resolve it in a season or series finale.  We were all expecting a slow burn situation.  But in a brilliant bit of character-driven storytelling, just as the existence of the relationship was driven by the chemistry between them, the pace of the relationship was also decided by the characters.

Because Rayla is just not a slow-burn kind of person.

Callum could do a slow burn, easily.  At the start of the show, it’s implied that he’s been pining over Claudia for some time.  Years, maybe.  He just doesn’t have the confidence or any idea on how to progress that relationship.  In an alternate universe where the Moonshadow elves never attack, he and Claudia could spend years dancing around each other before finally ending up together.  He’d probably also end up apprenticing to Viren to become a dark mage in that alternate universe, so it’s just as well that didn’t happen.

But Rayla isn’t the kind of person to do a slow burn relationship.  Rayla makes sudden, life-changing, emotionally driven decisions.  Deciding to not kill Marcus after he discovered the assassin team, or deciding to take the Egg to Xadia along with the human princes, or to go and save the downed red dragon from Soren and Claudia.  And when she makes these decisions, she acts on them, immediately and decisively.  So once she realized that she’s in love with Callum, she’s not going to sit around pining for him or wondering if he feels the same.  She’s going to immediately start courting him, Moonshadow elf style.

Admittedly, we have no idea what Moonshadow elf courtship looks like.  But we do know that they keep their feelings secret, they’re not supposed to admit to fear or apparently anything else openly.  So Rayla’s not going to be ready to openly declare her love just yet.  But a lot of her behavior in the first few episodes of Season 3 makes more sense when interpreted as attempted courtship.

Episode 1:  Sol Regem.  When all else fails, Rayla makes a heartfelt speech praising Callum’s virtues to try and convince Sol Regem to let hum accompany her and Zym into Xadia.  It’s totally wasted on Sol Regem, but really we know this speech was meant for Callum.  It’s Rayla’s way of letting Callum know how much she likes him, without actually admitting anything.  

I suspect that praising someone you like to a third party, where they can overhear, is a common courtship method among Moonshadow elves, as it lets them know you like them without you having to admit any feelings of your own.  “I don’t admit to personally having feelings for them, I’m just stating how amazing they are as a fact” is a distinctly Moonshadow-ish behavior, and something that both Rayla and Callum have done for each other.

Also, she keeps his scarf, although unfortunately not past the end of the episode.  This comes after they’ve established how strongly it smells of him, because apparently Rayla likes the way he smells.

Episode 2: The Crown.  Moonshadow elves are all about concealment and secrecy, so showing somebody a secret place where you played alone as a child is an incredibly intimate and personal step.  Rayla might as well have stripped naked in front of him for all that she’s laying her life bare.  Fortunately, Callum has responded positively to her courtship so far, although at this point he doesn’t realize that this is what she’s doing.  As incredibly empathic and perceptive as Callum is, he’s fairly clueless at figuring out matters of romance, and has no idea that Rayla likes him that way yet.

Episode 3: Ghost.  Courtship is going well, so Rayla takes the next step of introducing Callum to her one remaining parental figure and showing him where she grew up.  Unfortunately, things don’t go well, as she’s been magically banished and is reminded of how she’s disappointed everyone and was more or less responsible for all of the other members of the team being killed or sealed in coins.  Callum tries to comfort her, and we might even have proceeded to the scene we do eventually get in the next episode, but Ethari interrupts them and gives them the means to start seriously traveling onwards again.

Episode 4: The Midnight Desert.  Enter Nyx.  Nyx is a conman (Con-woman?  Con-elf?) who is skilled at reading people.  She figures out pretty quickly what’s going on with these two, which is why she makes that teasing comment about whether they need one blanked or two.  She’s also smart enough to realize that Callum and Rayla will, given the chance, provide enough distraction to each other for her to slip away with Zym.

It’s in this episode that we get the continuation of the emotional moment interrupted by Ethari.  Rayla is wallowing in self-loathing, but Callum comes along and starts praising her virtues.  At last, Rayla thinks, the big dumb human has caught on and is reciprocating my courtship.  So she kisses him. 

Unfortunately, Callum wasn’t actually trying to court her, at least not consciously, so things get all awkward and stuff.  Poor Rayla is very confused, as what seemed to be fairly clear signals weren’t what she thought they were.  It turns out that Callum does actually like her like that, he just didn’t even realize that it was an option so far, and they probably would have resolved things with a little more talking, but Zym’s been abducted and they have to put the courtship on hold to deal with that.

Ironically, if Callum hadn’t backed down and had been kissing her back right away, Nyx would probably have gotten away freely.  Emotional awkwardness saves the day.

Episode 5: Heroes and Masterminds.  Zym has been rescued, Nyx has been defeated and then also rescued, and Callum get the opportunity to praise Rayla to someone else in front of here.  You can see the surprise and hope on her face as she’s trying to figure out the meaning of this gesture, not wanting to mis-interpret his intentions again.  You can also see that Nyx figures out pretty quickly that this speech isn’t for her benefit, as she turns and walks away halfway through it.  Rayla still isn’t sure what Callum’s intentions are, but he makes them more clear when he kisses her.

He then gets flustered and tries to back down again, but Rayla knows what the deal is.  If she wants the relationship to proceed, she has to take the initiative.  Fortunately, she’s more than capable of doing so, and Callum is willing to let her.

So where do things go now?  At the moment, we don’t know if there even will be a Season 4.  Netflix likes to cancel shows after 2 or 3 seasons, and the internal drama among the creative team at Wonderstorm still might tear the company apart.  Personally, I’d be satisfied with the story as it is if it ended here, since the third season wrapped up the initial plot very nicely, but I’ll also happily watch season 4 and any more that they make.

It’s rumored that there will be a timeskip before the next season, and if so then presumably the relationship between Rayla and Callum will only develop further during that time.  Although she won’t be able to actually show him around the Silvergrove until the banishment is lifted, and it will probably be a while before they can free her parents from the coins they’re probably trapped within.  I think that I speak for many in the fandom in hoping that the writers don’t split Callum and Rayla up for cheap drama, since they’ve been pretty good about not doing that kind of thing so far, and since Rayllum wasn’t even planned for part of the story initially it’s probably not going to be a major driver of the plot.  Which is actually kind of a relief, if they can just be a stable couple together while the rest of the plot is going on around them.  There’s enough drama happening in the world of TDP as a whole, they can just be the rock that keep each other stable and safe.

It’s also been really amusing seeing the fanfiction sites react to season 3.  So many slow burn stories that are now just completely AU compared to how quickly things went in the canon story.

[lovecomedy]

Fanfic recommendations nobody asked for

Those are my favorite wincest fic ever, just because. They are all complete. I’ll add the summaries together with my own two cents.

Consider the Hairpin Turn by cherie_morte. 27K Words

AU of 6x22: Sam's wall has shattered and the memories in his mind have splintered. When the Sam who remembers Hell tells him to go find Jess and be happy, Sam knows he can't stay while Dean needs him. But when the Sam from Hell says that Dean is already there looking for him, Sam leaves his memories of the pit behind to find him.

What he finds is a life he doesn't remember: a house that he shares with his brother (and has for years), a law career he thought he'd left behind at Stanford, and a relationship with Dean he never dreamed he could have. Life is almost too good to be true, at least until Sam begins to hear his brother's voice calling to him, begging him to wake up.

This is my favorite fic of all times. It’s beautifuly written. The way that it narrates Sam’s trauma of Hell is what keeps me coming back for more . Honestly it should be published as a book. Don’t worry, it has very happy scenes and there’s a happy ending

Welcome to the Neighborhood by ImogenPortchester. 2K Words

Dean thinks the new neighbors are interesting, but all is not what it seems.

Super short. Super heartbreaking.

Fics by leonidaslion

I mean first off, just read everything written by leonidaslion

Sing Your Hymns Like Angels In Defeat. 32K Words. 

And Lucifer Fell for a second time with the burning brilliance of a star. The Flare shone in his wake, and darkness fell upon the land ...

Dean goes blind, and I love how it describes Dean’s stuggles with it. You feel like you’re blind with him. Really, really, REALLY well written. Should probably also be a book

Fumbling in the Dark: Love Advice For the Romantically Impaired. 72K

True Love really is blind...

It’s basically a character study of every single episode of the first 5 seasons, with a wincest twist. Slow burn. Holy shit, is it a slow burn. 

Just Say My Name. 3K Words

Dean turns into a complete and utter nympho. It takes Sam a while to notice the difference.

Funny, lighthearted and porny

Hush. 2K Words

Motel walls are thin...

Discovery!kink. Sam and Dean try to have quiet sex while John is in the other room. At least, Dean is trying

Sam Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. 15K Words

Sometimes, you just shouldn't get out of bed in the morning ...

Fics by fleshflutter

Dark Side of the Moon. 20K Words

Cursed!Dean is deaf and blind. Sam deals.

The incestuous courtship of the antichrist's bride. 48K Words

Sam is trying to become the Antichrist in order to save the world. He has a small army of angels and demons, he has an adoring cult, he has a work of prophecy by Jack Kerouac, and he has Dean. Things are going pretty well until he accidentally signs Dean up as his Beloved Consort, a role that requires sex with the Antichrist on an altar. And that's when things stop going pretty well. Also, the soundtrack to the Apocalypse sucks.

I don’t like crack fics, but goddamn this one is FUNNY. You can tell a lot of thought was put into this freaking masterpiece

Captured by the Game by rivkat. 54K Words

AU. Azazel has given his favorite son a task: worm his way into the confidence of a hunter. It sounds simple, but Dean Winchester just might be more than Sam can handle.

It wasn’t real by NaughtyPastryChef. 1K Words

Sam is trying to explain to Dean where he was when Dean was stuck in purgatory. It starts with "I hit a dog" and then, suddenly, inexplicably, they both know exactly where Sam was.

Wonderful explanation for that arc in season 8 nobody can stand. Plus, time travel, which I’m always a sucker for

Backseat of My Brother's 67 Chevy by NaughtyPastryChef. 1K Words

Extended scene from "Baby". Dean's feeling proud of Sam's hookup until he hears that Sam tried to give that waitress his number. Uncharacteristically, he lets Sam force him to talk about it. 

Bury My Old Soul, and Dance on its Grave by  dreamlittleyo. 2K Words

Dean knows how far he can push Sam.

Antichrist!Sam and Consort!Dean. Codependent winchesters. Yeah

Graveside Blues by hunenka. 3K Words

He uses his body like a blanket, like a shield.

I like how protective Sam is of Dean here, and it deals with something I don’t see a lot such as the jealousy he would have of Dean’s bond with Amara

own it by orphan_account. 6K Words

But he's never going to be able to burn the image of Sam cradling one hand around the perfect curve of Dean's face, dropping the other to the cut of Dean's hip (made for fingers and tongues to trail down, to taste), walking Dean backward until Dean is flush against the wall and Sam is flush against him. This is something that can't be denied.

John finds out. Explores the wonderful trope of both Sam and his father being possessive of Dean, and being very antagonistical to each other. Dysfunctional family yay. Also very porny

Fics by astolat

Punxsutawney. 9K Words

* astolat thinks any plot worth doing is worth doing TWICE

This is the Mistery Spot plot, but a little different. Sam AND Dean wake up to the same day over and over again. So they talk.

Kings and Queens and Jokers, Too. 4K Words

"Yeah, you boys nailed that trickster real good," Bobby said, dry as dust.

People are acting weird around the brothers. Can’t really say anything else without spoiling it. Listen just do yourself a favor and read it. 

options. 500 Words

Decisions, decisions. 

Short and funny. Little bit porny

Desired. 2K Words

He hadn't even known about any of this himself until Sam found it, figured it out for him. He hadn't known how it was going to be.

So, smut. They have a better time when Dean is the one who asks for it

Rockabye Sammy... by  AnotherWorld3111. 1K Words

Sam can’t sleep, so Dean tries to help.

Sam keeps hallucinating Lucifer. Dean is worried and protective of him. Porny

We Know Each Other As We Always Were by mickeym. 45K Words

In 1941, while the world is at war, Sam Winchester falls in love with his brother. They're young, they're in love, and in spite of the hardships of life around them, the world is a pretty good one for them. Until Dec. 7th, 1941, when Japan launches an air attack on Pearl Harbor, sending the US to war against Japan. Dean Winchester feels he needs to join the Army; needs to help fight the good fight and help save lives. He promises he'll return, but can he keep that promise?

GAH this is so romantic! It’s an AU, but I feel like they’re very in character. It feels like a novel

For The End of My Broken Heart by Wickedtruth. 59K Words

Dad's disappeared and Sam's left to pick up the pieces of his broken brother. Post Devil's Trap AU.

Very codependent Winchesters. Also John finds out. 

here at the end of all things by  remy (iamremy). 40K Words

AU from Season 12 onwards. The British Men of Letters win in the USA, and slowly manage to establish their bases and authority over the whole country. They also capture Sam Winchester and keep him prisoner for eleven months, experimenting on him regularly before wiping his memories so that he has no idea what has been done to him.

Even after Dean rescues him and they begin planning to get revenge once and for all, the niggling doubt at the back of Sam's head remains -- what did they do to him? Why won't his anxiety get better? And what is it that he's missing?

Ok you got me, this is gen. But the whole fic feels like a (good) Supernatural episode, it’s so realistic and canon-like. The relationship between the brothers is just like the one we see on the show, meaning desperately codependent and wincest in every subtext.

Fics by deadlybride / zmediaoutlet

What I like about @zmediaoutlet is that she takes the time to write everyone in character. It’s always as canonical as possible and it feels real

femme. 4K Words

Rummaging around the internet, Dean finds a kink he hadn't seen before; Sam explains, and demonstrates.

I love feminization, but unfourtunately there’s only one fic that does it right, and it’s this one

gratification. 2K Words

It's not a compulsion. Dean just likes it.

breña. 1K Words

Sam and Dean wait, knowing what's coming.

The night before Sam jumps in the box

not the good things, nor the bad. 20K

Dean wavers in a grey area between being taken and giving in.

Part of it started with the kinks series, but you can read this just fine without the other parts. It deals very beautifully with Dean’s thoughts regarding his bond with Amara and his sexuality

DeMille Has Nothing On Us by  HandsAcrossTheSea. 13K Words

"Hey Dean - wanna film it?"

This is part of the Those Hazy Days I Do Remember series, but you can 100% read it as a stand-alone, no problem. Sam and Dean film each other and this has that season 1 vibe, of just two brothers on the road. It’s slightly OOC, just because of how touchy-feely they are. But that’s something I sometimes wish we could have on the show, anyway

How many floors to realize by Lazy Daze. 26K Words

AU from the end of It’s A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren’t somewhat entertaining, right?”

Rabid by i-am-therefore-i-fight 

Beautiful!! I love @i-am-therefore-i-fight‘s take on demon!dean. It’s different to what we’re used to. This fic is very angsty but has a happy ending

Bitten by a True Believer by kermiethefrog. 3K Words

“C’mon, Sammy,” Dean says. Flashes him a wicked grin, charcoal-eyes. The way he spreads out on Sam’s mattress, bare and offering himself up like Holy fucking Communion, drums heat under Sam’s skin, and he’s never sure if it’s arousal or anger when he’s faced with the demon. “Show me a good time, big guy.”

Another demon!dean fic. I like how even as he is a demon, he is still desperate for Sam’s attention

The Time Traveler's Brother by  AmyPond45. 54K Words

Dean's life is turned upside down the night his mother dies. But that's also the night a mysterious grown-up version of Dean's brother first appears in his life. While Dean grows up, "Old Sam" is often there, especially when Dean's father isn't. As Dean learns what the future holds, he begins to question everything his father has taught him about who he is and what he is supposed to become. Can Dean find a way to save his little brother from his own future?

This is based on The Time Traveler’s Wife, which is my favorite book. Don’t worry, you don’t have to have read it to understand this fic

need against need against need by dollylux. 5K Words

Jack spends his first night in the bunker with Sam and Dean. (Jack POV)

Don’t worry, Jack just watches and ponders about the Winchester’ realationship

the centre cannot hold by orphan_account. 6K Words

Sam does not remember; Dean does. All Dean can do is watch, and mourn.

But then Castiel becomes God, and the world starts to break at the edges (and maybe that isn't a bad thing.)

It kinda becomes a character study, while the brothers deal with what happened during the Soulless!Sam period

The Last Temptation by bccalling. 1K Words

When Sam tells Mary about all the things he and Dean get up to in the dark, Mary wants in, and Sam sees his opportunity to make Dean’s every fantasy come true.

Mary shows up. Porny and very sweet

Angels and Demons by  OhWilloTheWisp. 9K Words

AU angels and demons are animals. Sam was not happy when his owner, Ruby, left him boarded at a kennel. He was even less happy when he discovered an angel in the same facility. But his encounter with the angel will end much differently than anyone would have guessed. He may have never expected his mate to be angel, but now that's found him he won't let anyone keep them apart.

Sam and Dean are kinda like animals here but there’s nothing sexual. It’s very sweet and romantic. Anna/Ruby in here as well

[midnightactual]

Some Thoughts on the Hōgyoku

I initially talked this out with @mysteriousshopkeeper​ and then wrote it up for @sphaeraa​ to look at. It’s been somewhat edited since then. It mostly concerns my thoughts on what was going on between Kisuke, Aizen, and their two Hōgyokus. While that isn’t exactly Yoruichi’s wheelhouse, it has some bearing on her thoughts on what happened later, so, that’s why I wrote it out. I know the former is working on some extended meta regarding it, so I thought I’d put it up.

People seem to tend to want to think of ‘early’ Bleach (the first 70%, up to Aizen’s defeat and the timeskip) like it’s Death Note: this grand game between Aizen and Kisuke like they’re Light and L. I don’t think that’s really the case. I think they were the grandest pawns of the Hōgyoku. This all started from a link on the nature of the Hōgyoku as it relates to the Soul King, and it got me thinking...

So, what does the Soul King want? Just bring reunified is a rather transitory objective. What does it want after that? Revenge on the Shinigami? Freedom? Nirvana? I think after a million years (or 70,000 in my HCs) of torment, its foremost goal would just be ending its own suffering, whether that be through death or departure. So, it should follow that the parts of it want the same thing.

If that's the case, then the easiest way to free itself, most certainly, is to be free of the need for it to exist as it does: i.e., to reformat the universe to not require it. The current arrangement of the cosmos broadly follows that of Buddhism:

God’s Realm: Soul Society (inc. Soul King’s Palace)

Human Realm: Earth

Demigod Realm: ??? Quincy Realm?

Animal Realm: ??? Not a place but a state?

Hungry Ghost Realm: Hueco Mundo

Hell Realm: Hell

(The Soul King’s Palace seems less like a separate dimension from Soul Society than a part of the same dimension, whatever the wiki says. You can’t skydive from Hueco Mundo to Hell, for example.)

(It also seems to me that the Quincy occupy the same position with regard to the Shinigami as the Asura who inhabit the Demigod Realm do to the Gods. It also seems notable that there is no one in European history a thousand years ago who really matches Yhwach, which implies his conquests weren’t taking place on Earth. The simplest answer, to my mind, is that there is a sort of Quincy realm. And what happened to that in canon? Well... it probably became Soul Society Western Branch. It’s either that or the analogy with Buddhism is only partial, as there seems to be a repeated emphasis in CFYOW on ‘the three realms’.)

This organization is maintained by the Soul King. If it goes, the whole thing falls apart... seemingly. But to maintain it is to suffer. As it is, to escape the Soul King would have to kill all the Shinigami or be rebound. Even Yhwach, its supposed ‘son’, simply absorbed its powers. Even he didn’t offer escape, as he failed and was cut down into the new Soul King; and even if he’d succeeded, the remnants of the Soul King would’ve been bound to his vision, not the Soul King’s own.

So what does the Soul King want, and what were the Hōgyokus and later The Hōgyoku trying to do? Well, if the goal was to escape, then here’s my theory:

Kisuke develops Hoagie 1, uses it on the Vizard, and doesn’t quite know what it does exactly but decides it’s dangerous.

Unbeknownst to him, Aizen is developing Hoagie 2, and using it for nefarious things like absorbing people’s souls in part or wholesale.

Kisuke decides to hide Hoagie 1 in Rukia on her first mission to the human world that she can’t recall. This is rather early on in her career as a Shinigami, either before or after Kaien’s death, so it’s inside her soul for 40–50 years. Why her? Maybe she was just there, maybe he saw there was something unique about her, who knows.

Hoagie 1 either therefore sees what happens with Kaien (as a result of Aizen’s continued experiments), or knows of it from her memories (or future timeline, depending!). Either way, it spends far more time with her than anyone else, and is likely soaking in her thoughts and desires. Rukia rather plainly loved Kaien and was quite influenced by his philosophy.

Rukia’s rather unique in terms of her ethical perspective. I found this piece on it. So maybe Hoagie 1 can sense that within her philosophy is a means for the Soul King to be free. However, she doesn’t have enough power to do it on her own. (Though it’s notable that Rukia [and Renji] manage to achieve bankai in very short order despite being nobodies from Rukongai when even the Great Noble Clans only yield up someone who can do bankai every few generations, isn’t it?)

Hoagie 1 starts talking to Hoagie 2, because they’re entangled, and they begin to put in motion a plan to produce the power needed for this, which also coincides with a scenario to unite them so they will be one complete and delicious sandwich. (This is remarkably similar to the plot of Neuromancer, wherein two AIs that are designed to fit together into a single super-AI, maneuver humans around to achieve that end.)

Hoagie 1 and Hoagie 2 gradually contrive a situation which draws in Isshin, uncle of Kaien, along with Aizen and his prototype White, and Kisuke, along with Masaki. The result is eventually Ichigo, a being who fuses all the major powers into one package and who also just happens to look and act a lot like Kaien. (Whether Ichigo is “patterned upon” Kaien, or is some kind of nexus event the Hoagies saw in the future timelines, or is “destined” and Kaien is merely his foreshadowing... and indeed if Rukia had Hoagie 1 while Kaien was alive... are all interesting questions but a bit beside the point.)

Eventually, Ichigo and Rukia meet. Aizen will later claim this is his doing, but he takes credit for everything and for some reason seems to believe that he’s immune to the effects of the Hoagies because he knows what they really do, as though that’s any defense. More than likely, he is simply doing what is necessary and thinking it’s his own will (especially because he’s self-betraying and doesn’t really want to be Soul King himself). Kisuke, meanwhile, already has objectives that broadly align with that of the Soul King and the Hoagies (the destruction/replacement of the current cosmology) so he doesn’t need much coaxing.

Aizen attributes Rukia’s loss of powers to her guilt, but it’s likely just as much that Ichigo always desired the power to protect and took her powers as much as she gave them. Probably an equal push-pull thing. Either way, Ichigo and Rukia begin an upward power spiral which will continue throughout the series, giving them more and more power. 

Hoagie 1 also creates ‘lancers’ and proxies to accompany and support them, by empowering Chad, Orihime, and Tatsuki with spiritual abilities despite being ‘sealed’ in Rukia. (This alone is evidence that such ‘sealing’ doesn’t prevent its actions whatsoever.) Not much will come of Tatsuki but you don’t always land every hit. (Aside: this means that Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, Orihime, and by association Uryū might be called... Hoagie’s Heroes.)

Hoagie 2 meanwhile ensures that Aizen finds the means to safely remove Hoagie 1 from Rukia’s soul as a “backup.”

Hoagie 1 and Hoagie 2 are eventually reunited into The Hoagie, the Ultimate Sandwich. Aizen eats it.

Aizen’s behavior in Karakura is very strange, erratic, and arrogant, enabling Ichigo to show up and beat him, especially when The Hoagie begins to reject him. It basically causes Aizen to fail, because his role is essentially over.

Although The Hoagie is stuck with Aizen, its plan continues on inertia. Ichigo and Rukia go onward, having become the linchpin of Kisuke’s own efforts to (unknowingly) continue the plan. (Hence: “Kurosaki, Kuchiki, I leave it to you.”)

All of this gets messed up with Yhwach’s own timeline selection nonsense, which causes this plan to fail at the 11th hour, and results in him being chopped up and imprisoned as the new Soul King instead.

But the game is still afoot. If Ichigo and Rukia during TYBW are the equivalent of Paul Atreides in Dune, then perhaps there is still a Leto II (or Duncan Idaho) waiting in the wings to complete the plan and take everyone onto the Golden Path. It could be that Ichika and Kazui have a kid together, or it could be in the thousands of years of the rest of their lives that Ichigo and Rukia do, or it could be someone that they aren’t actually related to but have influenced will try and change things, or all of the above, or something else entirely. The particulars don’t really matter too greatly. Because if nothing else, Kisuke is still out there, dissatisfied with the shape of things. And so too is Aizen.

So, my view is that Kisuke, and thus the Urahara Shōten (to include Yoruichi) are thus likely still aligned with this goal of destroying the existing cosmology through basically rebooting the universe (initially in Ichigo and Rukia’s hands), operating off a plan set in motion by the Hōgyoku to free the Soul King.

Although that plan has clearly fallen apart, it thus stands to reason that this remains the overall goal of the Urahara Shōten, as both Kisuke and Yoruichi seem very dissatisfied with the cosmological setup for their own reasons. This means that they’re basically the Team Rocket of Bleach. (Is Tessai their Meowth?) 

Also, just as an aside... the Japanese maple, Acer palmatum, has a common Japanese name of “Hogyoku” (1, 2) It’s also called “Benihime”. And the names Shihouin and Kuchiki mean “Four Maple Court”, and “Rotten Wood”, respectively. Just a strange but interesting pattern...

[wordssometimesfail]

An Extremely Belated and Unasked-For Dissection of the HIMYM Finale

So, I recently hung out with a teenage cousin of mine. He told me that he had just discovered How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, and was a couple of episodes away from the series finale. Since the show’s been finished for a while and the internet fallout was so prolific, I asked him if he’d been spoiled for the ending. He said no, but then began insisting that I tell him what happens. 10-15 minutes of begging later, I finally relented and gave him a bullet-point summary of the finale. 

He burst out laughing, said I was a bad liar, and asked for the real ending. 

Instead of digging in my heels, I shrugged and told him he’d just have to watch it, so, y’know, that’ll be hilarious. But it got me thinking. 

I, like everyone else, felt so fucking betrayed by the ending of HIMYM. Because it affected me so much, in fact, I became a bit obsessed with it. I went back to the show not long after the finale aired, just to watch old episodes again. This was partially because it had been a “comfort watch” for me for so long, and partially because I felt a deep-seated need to dissect the show as a whole. 

And the thing is, if you rewatch the show with the ending in mind, it is very easy to see that they kept the ending in their heads the entire time. It’s decently, if subtly, foreshadowed. While the characters’ behaviour in the finale is frustrating, it is actually fairly consistent with their established personalities. And the misogynistic subtext of the finale was, unfortunately, a mainstay of the show long before that point. We gave C&C a lot of shit at the time for the ending coming out of nowhere, but outside of a few minor timeline/continuity issues, honestly? It didn’t. The groundwork was laid, and the clues were there all along.

So... why did it feel unearned? Why did almost no one see it coming, even avid, weekly watchers? Why does it sound so much like a bad lie? 

I think the main problem came in when the showrunners realized that they were likely not going to be cancelled until the story was done. If you look at the first 4 seasons, you can see where they left themselves lifelines to complete Ted’s story if the plug were preemptively pulled: 

Cancelled in Season 1 - Victoria becomes the Mother. Robin and Ted have feelings for one another, but because of timing and circumstance, they never pull the trigger. The audience was (presumably) rooting for them all season, so seeing them end up together years after Victoria’s death is satisfying, and feels like the resolution of years-long tension. You CAN love again after losing a beloved partner! (In hindsight, considering the ending they went with, I kinda wish the series had ended here.) 

Cancelled in Season 2 - Robin and Ted break up earlier than they do in-show. Ted meets the Mother at Marshall and Lily’s wedding, which also happens earlier than it does in-show. While in this timeline the audience HAS seen Robin & Ted as a couple and there is less UST to resolve, the toxicity of their relationship has not yet been explored, so seeing them get back together has more of a “they’re finally ready for each other” feel. 

Cancelled in Season 3 or 4 - Stella becomes the Mother. The “Shelter Island” wedding ends in a reception and a honeymoon, and the pacing is drastically altered. Again, Robin & Ted have not really relapsed in this timeline - they broke up and are both miserable about it, regretting what they did but both being too proud to admit as much, until it’s too late and Ted has fallen for someone else. The Barney/Robin hookup in S3 makes this a bit messier, but basically works. The rift caused by their hookup (+ Robin begging Ted not to marry Stella before the ceremony) kicks off the dissolution of the gang, and either...

Barney doesn’t catch feelings in this timeline and that’s the end of it.

Barney doesn’t catch feelings, but they continue a FWB relationship that eventually implodes as Robin realizes she wants what she had with Ted again, she can’t do casual anymore. 

Barney does catch feelings, but upon accepting that Robin will always be pining for someone else, “relapses” and goes for the Perfect Month. (This one works whether they do the FWB thing or not.)  

Ultimately, the tragedy of poor timing strikes again, and there is still some narrative satisfaction to the Ted/Robin endgame. 

Barney’s finale plotline (unplanned daughter changing his life) would’ve worked if the show had ended at any of these points, since Barney’s secret desire for romance & family wasn’t really explicitly explored until later. Marshall & Lily’s finale plotline (ascent into picket-fence bliss at the expense of their beloved status quo) works no matter what, mainly because that was their overarching plotline for the entire show. 

While the original ending concept was showing its wear as we approached the end of the actual S4, there was still some time to salvage it after this. The death knell came, not when Barney expressed romantic interest in Robin, but when Robin returned that interest. 

And this isn’t about to turn into a screed about how Swarkles should’ve been endgame! Upon rewatching the show, I actually like Swarkles a lot more in theory than I do in practice - the showrunners went out of their way to make the pairing seem great, but act toxic. They have FANTASTIC moments, but those moments are strung together by poor communication, self-destruction, and Robin at her most insufferable (her desperate attempts at getting Barney to like her again in the first half of S8 were... *shudders*). They, much the same as Ted and Robin, are clearly shown to Not Work. 

Even so, from the S4 finale onward, the show began to build toward Barney and Robin’s wedding, and that killed the planned ending. I say this began at the end of S4 because, as I said before, it isn’t until Robin explicitly returns Barney’s feelings that Swarkles becomes a threat to Ted/Robin - or, at least, a threat as perceived by the audience. Beyond the fact that this inadvertently turned Swarkles into a fan-favourite pairing, and was a large part of why the ending was poorly-received, it effectively changes the story. 

Before canon Robin/Barney, no one other than Ted was really presented as a viable romantic option for Robin. She wasn’t interested in getting serious with anyone else, she didn’t have that electric connection with anyone else. In S1′s “Zip, Zip, Zip”, Robin turns Barney down (despite him offering the casual, fun fling she purports to want) because she’s hung up on Ted. In S3, Robin sleeps with Barney but is uninterested in doing so again, and her attentions are quickly back on Ted (though at this point it’s more unspoken). No matter who Robin hooked up with, even when it was another principal character in the ensemble cast, the primary tension was always between her and Ted. But as soon as she develops real, romantic feelings for Barney, that tension is gone. 

And it... never really came back in the same way. 

Other than their FWB arrangement in S4′s “Benefits” and a couple of near-misses later, Robin and Ted are not involved again until the end of the series. In fact, in “Benefits”, neither Ted nor Robin are interested in taking their relapse further - they only want casual sex, and are so romantically disinterested in one another that Ted ends the arrangement for Barney’s sake in the same goddamn episode. Though Ted does express that he still has feelings for Robin as early as S5, at no point does she reciprocate in any meaningful way. All of the romantic tension between them after the fact is one-sided. Robin is no longer romantically interested in Ted by approximately the midpoint of Season 4, her attentions are firmly on Barney (and later, other serious romantic interests) by the end of Season 4, and she isn’t interested in Ted again until the final episodes of the show. 

The problem here isn’t that Robin had other serious romantic relationships, but that Ted was no longer a serious option in her mind for so much of the show’s run. Starting in S6, the wedding build starts in earnest, meaning that for four whole seasons (S6, S7, S8, and S9), the audience knows that someone is getting married. We’re told that Ted meets the Mother at the wedding, so there’s Zero chance of any of his relationships working out during that 4-season period - the tension is gone from his love-life, because we know that we’re waiting and we know what we’re waiting for. Suddenly, Robin and Barney are the center of the romantic tension of the show, and... Robin hasn’t been interested in Ted for a year. She and Barney are involved in a love quadrangle plot of which Ted is only an observer. By the time it’s confirmed, it’s painfully obvious that Robin is the bride at the foretold wedding, even with Barney’s red-herring girlfriends tossed in the mix. We spend all of Season 8 building up to the wedding. We spend all of Season 9 on the wedding weekend. Barney and Robin actually address the more toxic aspects of their relationship, and resolve to work on them (something Ted and Robin never actually did). We meet the Mother, and spend a season gleefully building up to the Mother meeting Ted. 

Remind me... why are we supposed to want Ted and Robin to get together in the end? 

There are other issues with the finale that bother me, but are not the focus of this rant as I don’t think they’re the Biggest Problem:  

The gang was always going to drift apart, but they seem to stay in frequent contact with one another in flash-forwards that we see earlier in the show. This is... not super supported by the finale. (Ex. If [roughly] kindergarten-age Luke and Penny drew pictures of times they hung out with Aunt Robin, why does the finale imply they barely got to know her until after their mother passed?)  

We knew for several seasons that Barney DID want a wife & kids, he was just afraid to admit it or pursue it because he thought he was too far gone. Yet we’re supposed to believe that his “relapse” after his breakup with Robin was him going back to the “real Barney”, and that despite having had 3 meaningful, serious romantic relationships throughout the series, one of which led to a marriage, he could not be arsed to so much as learn the name of the mother of his child. Despite getting 4 seasons of significant character development re: vulnerability, love, and relationships, he is supposed to have learned nothing, and changed not a whit. (NPH’s stance on this, that you may “want” Barney to change but some people don’t change, is... lame, imho, since we didn’t just want Barney to change, we were told and shown that he was actively changing, even if he wasn’t fully there yet.) 

On that same note, the fact that Barney didn’t “really” change until his daughter was born implies that things might’ve worked out with Robin if she’d been able to bear him children. Also, implies that his speech to his mom about how Robin means more to him than the possibility of having children was insincere or at least misguided. Gross. 

We all know about the Mother = Uterus shit, and while I don’t necessarily dislike the idea of the Mother having been dead all along, the idea that Ted and Robin couldn’t be happy together either until some other woman bore Ted’s children is also gross. 

In general, super sexist, and it’s not a twist when you directly contradict what you have told/shown your audience. It’s bad writing. 

But with all that said, if the show had ended somewhere between Seasons 1-4 (with minor to major tweaks - *reluctantly salutes*), the planned ending would have been fine. At least, it would’ve been fine with regard to Ted/Robin (and Barney’s character). The tension between them was still there, they still had audience support, and it made sense that, after all that buildup, Ted’s kids would be hoping for some closure to his tumultuous relationship with their Aunt. The problem is that, in the show as written... Ted and Robin do get closure. Ted, just like Tracy, is able to let go of the love that has consumed him and arrested his romantic development for so long, and that is what finally opens him up to meeting the love of his life. His relationship with Robin, even the unrequited mess it became later, not only led him to the Mother, it made him ready for the Mother. When he shuts Robin down in the penultimate episode of the show, Ted closes the door on that chapter of his life. That’s the closure. That’s the resolution of the Ted/Robin tension.  

And that’s a huge part of why the ending feels flaccid. They attempt to resurrect a dynamic that no longer holds any narrative weight - Robin pining after Ted in a happy relationship, lamenting what she’s lost, is not only something that we’ve seen before, it’s something we’ve seen Robin get over before. She didn’t realize “too late” what she had with Ted, or what she could have had. She had it, lost it, mourned it... then decided she didn’t want or need it again, and found something new with someone else. They wanted to throw the audience off the scent, but by killing all the tension between their endgame couple, and spending literal years building up relationships between other characters, they destroyed any momentum that that storyline had in the first place. They told a will-they/won’t-they story, and while there were moments where they subtly hinted that “they will”, more than half their text was dedicated to showing their audience, “no they won’t”. 

In the Season 2 episode “Something Blue”, Barney hears that Ted and Robin have something to tell everyone. When he begs them to tell him, they give him a story piece by piece detailing what happened. With each part of the story he gets, Barney guesses how it ends. Every time he guesses, Ted smiles wryly and tells him, “the story’s not over”. This implies to Barney and the audience that each of Barney’s guesses is wrong, because he doesn’t have all the information yet. 

Except... Barney does correctly guess the end of the story. He guesses that Ted and Robin broke up, Ted smiles wryly, says “the story’s not over”, and proceeds to continue to tell it, only for the story to, in fact, end with his and Robin’s breakup. 

This plot is emblematic of the problem with the end of How I Met Your Mother. One of the biggest running themes of the show is that until a story is over, you can’t turn it into a narrative. You don’t have the full picture, you don’t know who the bad or good guy is, you don’t know what story you’re living. Barney doesn’t know what story he’s being told until it’s over - except he does. And because Ted isn’t finished telling the whole story, he implies to Barney that he’s wrong. He throws him off, so he can end the story on his own terms. That’s what the showrunners of HIMYM did, too. They wanted so badly to tell the story as they conceived it, but in order to keep that ending as a twist, they couldn’t telegraph it too obviously. This, to them, meant throwing the audience so far off the scent of their plan that they obscured their plan, that they deflated the central narrative, made it look like there was no way it would happen, because we were being made to look in another direction. No, we clearly didn’t have the whole story. But we had the story that was unfolding before us, one where Robin didn’t want Ted romantically anymore, one where Barney was trying so, so hard to be better, one where Ted needed to let go in order to be happy. And that story doesn’t feel complete when it ends the way that it does, because the ending we got is the end of the story we saw in Season 1. 

The story we saw in Season 1 was of a man who hopelessly pined after a woman who loved him back, but wasn’t in a place to reciprocate the way he wanted. Years later, they reconnect and are finally able to make it work. That’s the story that HIMYM thought they were telling. But, because they never got cancelled and got free reign to tell this story for as long as they wanted, and because they didn’t want us to guess that darn twist, they gave us a whole whack of misdirections, plot threads, and character growth that ultimately gets nullified to make way for the ending of the “real” story. There is no momentum carrying us to the finale as planned, because the finale as planned was meant to be the ending to a much shorter tale. 

Everything else was just filler. 

[autodidact-adventures]

Siberian History (Part 6): The Time of Troubles

By the late 1500s, Russia was one of the largest nations on earth. Its many principalities had been united by stealth & force under the reign of Moscow, and now that the Khanates of Kazan & Astrakhan on the Volga River had been subjugated, Russia was now a multinational state.

From Ivan the Terrible onwards, the tsar claimed to rule by “divine right”.  This was already common in Europe, but the Russian tsar's power was autocratic and absolute.  One contemporary wrote about Ivan, “like Nebuchadnezzar, he slew, had beaten, elevated, or humbled whomsoever he wished.”

The state bureaucracy was growing, and near the top was the Boyar Dumar, the royal council made up mostly of men of noble birth.  There was also an inner cabinet of councillors, whom the tsar could consult.  But it was said of Ivan that he often did so “in the manner of Xerxes, the Persian Emperor, who assembled the Asian princes not so much to secure their advice...as to personally declare his will.”

Russia had a population of about 13 million people, mostly impoverished peasants who worked on large estates, or worked their garden-like plots in tiny hamlets across the land.

The old aristocracy had been humbled somewhat, and the service gentry had arisen to take its place.  The difference between the two was that the old aristocracy inherited their titles & land by inheritance, whereas the service gentry were awarded estates for service to the tsar.  However, the service gentry would eventually acquire many of the prerogatives of the aristocracy, including titles and inheritable estates.

Russia had no true middle class, independent merchant guilds, or any mercantile economy of the sort that was beginning to grow in many European countries.  The gosts (“great merchants”) were appointed by the Crown.  All offices & positions were in the employ of the state, i.e. “state service”.

Travel within Russia was restricted, and travel abroad was almost unknown, “that Russians might not learn of the free institutions that exist in foreign lands.”  Police surveillance was widespread, and people had the “duty to denounce” – no matter what rank or standing people had, they had to politically inform on each other, and report whatever they knew or heard about disloyal acts or thoughts.

Punishments were harsh, and torture was common.  People could be torn to pieces with iron hooks, beheaded or impaled, branded with red-hot irons, have their limbs cut off, or beaten with the knout.  The “knout” was a short whip with a tapered end, and attacked to this tapered end were three tongs of hard tanned elk hide, which cut like knives.

The roads were poor, and there were no inns between towns for travellers.  Alcoholism was a major problem throughout the nation.  There was little intellectual curiosity – even a simple knowledge of astronomy, such as the ability to predict eclipses, could lead to a charge of witchcraft.

One foreign diplomat said that the habit of oppression had “set a print into the very mindes of the people.  For as themselves are verie hardlie and cruellie dealte withall by their chiefe magistrates and other superiours, so are they as cruell one against an other, specially over their inferiours and such as are under them.  So that the basest and wretchedest [peasant] that stoupeth and croucheth like a dog to the gentleman, and licketh up the dust that lieth at his feete, is an intollerable tyrant where he hath the advantage.”

Foreigners saw the Russians as a semi-barbaric, insular people and state, arrogantly self-assured as the true bearer of Christianity, but rife with ignorance, supersitition and immorality.  One visitor to Muscovy made up a rhyme about it:

Churches, ikons, crosses, bells, / Painted whores and garlic smells, / Vice and vodka everyplace – / This is Moscow's daily face.

To loiter in the market air, / To bathe in common, bodies bare, / To sleep by day and gorge by night, / To belch and fart is their delight.

Thieving, murdering, fornication / Are so common in this nation, / No one thinks a brow to raise – / Such are Moscow's sordid days.

But it was not as bad as foreigners claimed.  The common people were genuinely religious, and a renaissance was taking place – through trade and other contracts, Western cultural influences were beginning to have an effect.  These influences, combined with Russia's rich Byzantine heritage, might have brought about a true renaissance, but these currents would be overwhelmed by the bloody legacies of the immediate past.

Ivan the Terrible's tyrrany had divided the nation in two; and the social enmities he had created would outlive him.  In 1581, he killed his eldest son, Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich, during an argument.  When he died himself in 1584, his son Fyodor succeeded him.

Fyodor I was absent-minded and reluctant to be monarch, and he relied heavily on the boyars appointed to be his guardians.  Plots sprung up, a power struggle ensued, and Boris Godunov became the dominant figure behind the throne.  Boris was a noble of Tatar origin, and his sister was married to Fyodor.  Soon, he was recognized as Lord Protector (as the English called him), and the de facto head of state.

Under Godunov's reign, trade prospered, revenue increased, taxes decreased, and peace returned. Fugitive peasants returned to their homesteads, more arable land was cultivated, grain prices fell, and granaries recorded large surpluses.  Construction increased, with stone walls around Moscow and Smolensk; many new churches, expanded port facilities at Arkhangel, and the completion of the Ivan the Great Belltower in the Kremlin, reaching upwards in three tapering octagonal tiers.

There was military progress as well.  Godunov made headway against the nomadic peoples in the southern steppes (between Russia and the Crimea), established a series of important fortified towns, recoered territory lost to Sweden during the Livonian War, and pushed Siberian conquest eastwards from the Ob River.

When Fyodor died in 1598 without an heir, Godunov was offered the crown.  He denied it three times, to demonstrate the inevitability of his succession, and looked to the masses for his support.  At his coronation (in the Dormition Cathedral on September 1st, 1598) , he declared: “As God is my witness, there will not be a poor man in my stardom!” and tore the jewelled collar froms his gown.  Jealous nobles called him Rabotsar, which means “the Tsar of slaves”.

There are no known contemporary portraits of Godunov, but this is what he probably looked like.

After Godunov's coronation, favours were announced, army & administration officials received a substantial salary increase, merchants were granted tax breaks, and the natives of Western Siberia were exempted from taxes for a year. Godunov said: “We take a moderate tribute, as much as each can pay...And from the poor people, who cannot pay the tribute, no tribute is to be taken, so that none of the Siberian people should be in need.”

But this could not solve all the problems.  The biggest problem was the competition among landed proprietors for peasants to work their estates.  The more prosperous of them tempted peasants away from their smaller holdings.  Many of these small holdings were held on military tenure, so their decline affected the security of the nation.

The government tried to solve this problem by binding the peasants to the soil.  Peasants' freedom of movement had already been severely curtailed over the years, but now new decrees pushed them towards serfdom.

The service gentry squeezed everything they could from their peasants, who were already near breaking point because of state taxation.  As a consequence, violence spread.  In Russia's heartland, bands of highwaymen (who were once peasants) ransacked monasteries & manorial estates.  Along the southern frontier, legions of the disaffected accumulated.  Things were moving towards rebellion.

From 1601 – 03, protracted crops failures led to famine and mass starvation.  Godunov distributed money and grain from the public treasury to those who were destitute, but widespread hoarding & profiteering by landlords & merchants (including the Stroganov family) not only negated his actions but made it worse.  

Whole villages were wiped out. People ate cats, dogs and rats, as well as bark and straw.  Human flesh was sold in public markets.  An eyewitness wrote that every day in Moscow, “people perished in their thousands like flies on winter days.  Men carted the dead away and dumped them into ditches, as was done with mud and refuse, but in the morning, “bodies half devoured, and other things so horrible that the hair stood up on end” could be seen.  A court apothecary rescued a little girl from starvation, and entrusted her to a peasant family; he later learned that they had eaten her.

Thousands of unemployed labourers, and peasants abandoned to their fate by uncaring masters, scavenged throughout the countryside, or fled into the wilderness. This was the Time of Troubles, which lasted from 1598 to 1613.

It was beyond Godunov's control, and his standing fell.  He was a legitimate tsar, properly elected; but he couldn't claim any dynastic link with Russia's “sacred” past.  People soon began to see him as a ruthless usurper who had taken the throne through violence, crime and deceit.  Rumours spread that he'd murdered Tsarevich Dmitry Ivanovich (Ivan the Terrible's 9-year-old son by his seventh wife); that he'd poisoned his own sister; that he'd poisoned Fyodor I himself.  Godunov's spy network uncovered many plots, but discontent was still growing stronger.

There was an uprising in 1603 by peasants, fugitive slaves and bandits, which the army put a stop to. The people began to long for the protection of a “born tsar”, romanticizing even the worst parts of their past.

Then a rumour sprang up that Tsarevich Dmitry had miraculously survived his assassination, and was about to retake the throne.  The pretender (known later as False Dmitry I) was backed by the Poles, and in October 1604 he crossed into Muscovy, leading an army of mercenaries and volunteers.  This False Dmitry was conventionally ugly, “a strange and ungainly figure with facial warts and arms of unequal length”.  He was a charismatic leader, and many people joined his cause.  His army was over 16,000 men by November.  Godunov, feeling helpless, turned to sorcery & divination to try and alter his fate.

False Dmitry I.

Godunov died on April 13th, 1605, from poison or a stroke.  His wife and son were murdered within the next few weeks, and the Kremlin was stormed.  False Dmitry I ruled for nearly a year, from June 10th, 1605, to May 17th, 1606.

Then he was toppled by Vasily Shuisky, who became Tsar Vasily IV.  Shuisky had the right pedigree, but not popular support.

New uprisings and foreign invasions followed this.  In June 1607, False Dmitry II, again backed by the Poles, advanced on Moscow.  This led to Vasily IV's deposition in July 1610, and the installation of a Polish tsar, Vladislav I (he would later become King of Poland, in 1632).

Vasily IV (17th-century painting).

It seemed as if Muscovy would be partitioned.  Russian popular armies rose up in the north and east, and advanced with patriotic fervour.  On October 25th, 1612, the Polish garrison in the Kremlin capitulated, and the foreigners were driven out.

On February 21st, 1613, a national assembly elected a new tsar.  This was Mikhail Fyodorovich Romanov (Mikhail I), the grand-nephew of Anastasia Romanova, Ivan the Terrible's first wife.  The Time of Troubles then came to an end.

[ofbandits-archive]

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ robert downey jr + cis male + he / him — have you seen stanley 'stan' butler? they sure have been hanging out at king's steakhouse and restaurant a lot recently. they are a fifty three year old known as the perspicacious, and they currently work for the savages as a pimp, which they’ve been doing for twenty five years. a pansexual capricorn, they are patient + resourceful, as well as distrusting + demanding. a locked cabinet filled with spirits, a plethora of neat ties, a lingering scent of sauvage, dior. × 

okay, so it’s me again, hi... -- i was in need of an older man...tbh & rdj is always a necessary addition, so it just makes sense. time i show my marvel stan(hehe)-ness with more than just mr holland. so without further ado, meet my new old man who’s been in the business for a very, very long time and is too old for this shit. if you want to plot with him ( ’cause i need everything; angsty, sweet and otherwise ) give this a like & i’ll come at you...there should be some wanted connections at the end of this, so...if any of them peak your interest, let me know !

born to a struggling couple in dallas, texas, it was instilled in stanley from a very young age that money does not grow on trees and that you have to work hard for what you want. his family harboured quite an infamous reputation, which he wouldn’t shake until he left the neighbourhood he was raised within. stan always felt somewhat ashamed of his family, but he also felt a guilt due to that, too. his mother tried her best in his eyes and he loved her with every beat of his heart. that’s not to say he understood a multitude of her actions, though. he often wished he could somehow shake sense into her, but he remained silent. 

the oldest of five, stan has always done his best to keep a roof over his family’s heads, and food in their bellies. whilst his parents were often busy ( he never knew why, but continued on despite that fact ), he felt a responsibility to look after those that came after him. he worked out neat little tricks early on to get them to eat the vegetables, and to get them to go to school. always a head over heart, but whilst he’ll never admit to it -- would rather die -- a lot of his logical actions are strictly based around his need to keep everyone around him safe and merry.

since he could be fairly materialistic; always craving possessions his parents would never be able to afford for him, he quickly found his first job. he was only ten years old; both delivering newspapers, and making homemade lemonade. he was quite an enterprising lad, and surprised most, if not all of the people who came to know him. he was persuasive too, and that always worked in his favour. from then onward, he hasn’t stopped working. some might refer to him as a bit of a workaholic, and it’s affected his life in discreet and not-so discreet ways over the years. 

at school, it was discovered that the young butler extremely intelligent and he achieved high results despite everything obstacle being in his way. all of his clothes and equipment were second hand ( and often stolen ), sometimes by him, and sometimes by his parents. he became a master pick pocketer from an early age. so whilst he was earning a moral wage, he was also pocketing money immorally too. 

his father, an alcoholic was rarely at home and when he was, he was making the small, cramped house an absolute misery. this fact also made it impossible for him to hold down a job, and he often acted out as a result. whilst stanley never vocalised it, he believed his father to be a deadbeat, a waste of space. this was further proven when he came home at tender age of fourteen years old to find him cheating with another woman in town. he told his mother, but instead of kicking him out -- she buried it under the carpet. 

it wasn’t until he was much older than he learnt the truth about his mother’s occupation. why she was never there to tell him bedtime stories, and why she covered her face in make up as though it would disguise the bruises forming against her skin, why their family had the reputation that it did. his mother worked as an escort. during the day, she was a bank clerk, at night ?  she was escorting to make more money. he didn’t know what to make of it at first. he wasn’t mad at her, but mad at the way men would treat her; including his father. 

this all came to a head late one evening, when he came home to him berating and beating her. he saw red and lost complete control, beating his father to a pulp. he barely escaped with his life, but didn’t press charges. it surprised stan, but he didn’t complain. he was eighteen years old and more than ready to move out; his father’s only condition. it gave him the necessary drive to apply for university, to become something of himself. he got into the first university of his choice ( name pending ) and the first moment he was able to, he left home. his biggest, and longest lasting regret is leaving his brothers and sisters behind, along with his mother. he wishes he found a way for them to come with him, sure they were capable of more too. 

whilst at university, he met a tonne of individuals who were a lot more like him. he never felt more -- connected in his life, more carefree and calm; without having to concern himself about what time his brother was going to come home, or what his sister was doing with that boy below her league. after a while, he caught a few friends whispering about a place called valdez and a fairly new gang in need of members. intrigued by the prospect, once graduated, he moved himself there a long with a few others...and hasn’t looked back since.

if you’d asked him before he became a savage whether or not he was capable of killing someone, he’d have brushed off the question with a laugh and a ‘of course not’, despite how gravely he injured his dad...he was sure that he’d never actually be able to carry through such a macabre task. but after initiating into the savages, he found out that he was capable of far more than he ever have predicted before.

after a few years, he worked his way into becoming a pimp. it’s a job he takes pride in and he takes it incredibly seriously too. truth be told, and though nobody is probably aware of this, it’s a necessary duty which lies very close to his heart. his main aim is to keep those who worked as escorts as safe as possible, as well as making more than enough money so they’re all comfortable. he uses his business prowess to this day, and does his best to teach it to the escorts too -- and anyone willing to listen. all in all, he’s ruthless when necessary, though usually only when you’ve hurt someone who matters. albeit personally, or in a business sense, too. 

he’s naturally protective; would have been before what happened to balthazar, even more so now. he’s a dad without a child ( that he knows of, oo ) and will do all in his power to look after those he works with / for. the escorts safety in particular is paramount to him, and he always wants them to be able to tell him if anything happens that makes them feel uncomfortable. ( anyone who’s named for doing this should probably start reciting their prayers. )

wanted connections.

a best friend / a ‘bromance’ though he’d hate that word ; they’re one of the only individuals in the world that have seen his vulnerability, his weaknesses, though he’d always say tell anyone and i’ll kill you, he never means it. they’re someone he’d do legitimately anything for, without question. bury this body ? sure !  burn this building ? why not !  jump off the cliff ?  whatever you want ! it goes without saying. also possibly quite playful ?  they tease each other, but it’s all playful  &  there’s no second guessing about where their loyalties lie. ( 0 / 1 )

ex-fiancee/ex-wife ; quite an angst-ridden connection, but necessary just the same. this person too knows quite a lot about stan, and probably didn’t like everything that they saw. his workaholic-ness drove a wedge between them, his infidelity ? completely cut any lingering thread away. they’re in bad terms, but stan wants what’s best for them. deep, deep down he always presumed that wasn’t him, so might have acted out accordingly.  ( 0 / 1 )

a former sinful fling ;  the person he cheated with ?  maybe they too were taken, it was a crime of passion. both getting something out of the situation, despite how bad it was for it to carry on. every time was the last time, even if it never was. it eventually came to an end  &  there’s awkwardness and unanswered questions. they could even be in the opposing gang, whatever works really.  ( 0 / 1 )

sibling-type relationships ;  he misses his siblings with the entirety of his being, often regrets leaving the way that he did. these individuals ?  well they receive the love that his siblings usually would’ve / used to. he’s more protective over them than his normal protectiveness, and he also lets them get away with far more than anyone else too. he’ll tease them, but if anyone else does it ?  meet stan’s wrath, that’s all there it to say.  ( 0 / ? )

those he ‘babies’ ; he doesn’t have children ( that he knows of, as already mentioned )  but these individuals might as well be his children. they didn’t ask for it, and they probably don’t always like it but regardless, he’ll yell at them when they act recklessly, he’ll protect them when necessary. he’s always wanted kids, secretly and he’s basically adopted these characters, even if they never asked for it...but, especially if they did.   ( 0 / ? )

an arch-rival ; he’s too old for real hatred, but this person really does grind his gears...for whatever reason. it could be jealousy, or it could be something else. that can be discussed; either way, they do not get on and will take time out of each other’s day to make that obvious and to wreck a part of their day too.  ( 0 / 1 )

unexpected friends ;  it’s surprising. maybe they’re a sweetheart, or a cobra, younger, reckless. it shouldn’t work, but regardless of that notion, it just does. he cares about them, he likes having them around and actively seeks them out on occasion. they remind him that the world isn’t so black and white...which is definitely necessary for him. i see good influences and bad influences falling under this umbrella term too, actually. ( 0 / ? )

neighbours ; he’s a good neighbour. looks out for you without you realising it; unless necessary. like if your car’s broken into, or you need packages delivered to his house because you’re out. that’s not to say everyone else around him is the same. a neighbour from hell would be wonderful, just saying. ( 0 / ? )

housemates / ‘guests’ ; he does not like to be alone in his big ass abode, so would definitely allow those in need of a place to stay, stay with him. it could be a temporary deal, or it could’ve become a permanent fixture. either way, he loves a lively house...after all, he’s had one since he was very little.  ( 0 / 2 )

a will they, won’t they ; he likes to think he has platonic and familial love in the bag, but when it comes to romantic love ?  he hardly has the greatest of track records. he likes this person an awful lot, and...maybe they like him too. whenever anything might happen though, something always gets in the way. ( lets say a possible gas leak, or a shoot-out at sharp’s for example )  which always leads them into thinking...maybe this is a sign. either way, he’s most gentle with this person; quieter than usual. he wears his heart on his sleeve more than he’s willing to admit, they bring that out of him...even if they don’t see it -- there’s a chance anyone in a mile radius around them will.  ( 0 / 1 )

current fling(s) ;  ( 0 / 3 )  so, love scares him but he’s a big fan of intimacy without expectations. they both know the score and it’s better that way, easier. he likes fun as much as the next guy, and these people bring him that. regardless of whether or not it’s right, or wrong. he doesn’t care, at least not when drowning in blankets. 

[kiaronna]

So, let's talk about Victor Nikiforov for a minute. What do you think his headspace was during that one week in Japan before Yurio arrived? He's flown all the way to Hasetsu only to be summarily rejected by Yuri, but he doesn't go home. He decides to do the coach thing but bans Yuri from the rink until he drops some weight. What's going on with him for that week? The only scene we really see is the 'do you have feelings for Minako' one.

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. Sorry I took so long to get back. I’m gonna split this meta into two parts, because I have lots of feelings about episode 2:

1. The week of confusion and skating your feelings

2. When life gives you Yuri Plisetsky, make Yuuri fired up

1. The week of confusion and skating your feelings

So! I’m going to start from about the point where Viktor’s getting the hint that Yuuri isn’t the playboy he expected. I think Viktor’s arrival hilariously mimicked Yuuri’s approach at the banquet: he takes off his clothes, indirectly announces his intentions, and initiates a lot of physical contact. When this doesn’t work, he reverts to being playful, and essentially offering himself up to Yuuri on a silver platter as a sleepover companion:

(This does not go well.)

By morning, I think Viktor’s realized that the coaching component of their relationship is going to be much more real than the smexy and loving part of it, so he begins focusing on that. However, I do think it’s telling that Viktor immediately goes to the rink the next morning.

We know that Yuuri skates when he’s feeling overwhelmed and trying to work through things– we can assume, from his choreography of Eros and Stammi Vicino, that Viktor processes emotions similarly. He doesn’t know what to do, and he has a lot of feelings bottled up, so he goes and skates the programs he’s been working on because of Yuuri to deal with the emotions. 

(He’s also super aggravated while skating them and calls Yuuri a ‘little piggy’ SO I’M JUST SAYING HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SPITE SKATING JUST A LITTLE)

I think Viktor spends a lot of that week skating to cope with the upheaval of his expectations about Yuuri, and a decent amount of it training with Yuuri. We see this in quick shots like this:

I mean, he traveled across the world for this man, who he’s been crushing on for a couple months. He wants to spend time with him. After some time, I think he determines that there must be some reason for Yuuri being significantly colder than at the banquet, so we get this hilarious conversation:

OH SO YOU DON’T HAVE A LOVER, THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE HUH

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR EX-LOVERS I’M GONNA BE LIKE THEM, TELL ME WHAT THEY DID TO EARN YOU

(This also doesn’t go well.)

Something that I think gets overlooked a lot is that THE SECOND HE DETERMINES YUURI IS SINGLE/AVAILABLE he goes and publicly announces to the whole world that he’s in Hasetsu.

YEP I’M HERE I’M COACHING THIS SINGLE AND VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN, IT’S HAPPENING

Prior to this picture, there was no public confirmation that he was in Hasetsu and coaching Yuuri, despite some time clearly having passed since his arrival. It’s one thing to tell someone’s family and friends that you’re coaching them, and quite another to announce it to the world. At this point, he’s committed.

ANYWAY so there’s a lot more skating-to-process that happens, in the space of time between his Instagram announcement and Yurio’s arrival.

ONWARD TO PART 2

2. When life gives you Yuri Plisetsky, make Yuuri fired up

For all that Viktor seems like an airheaded, forgetful little man, after watching this episode again I am extremely doubtful that this was the case. This is, legit, his reaction to Yurio showing up in Hasetsu:

“I’m surprised Yakov let you come,” he says. You’re not, like?? Surprised this fifteen year old hunted you down from across the globe and is here to yell at you?

And instead of being like “hey kid why are you here where are your parents” his instant reaction is “OH DID I FORGET SOMETHING IMPORTANT I PROMISED YOU? DID I?? DOES THAT UPSET YOU???”

I’m forgetful, and yet “did I forget a promise” is not my first reaction when someone is pissed at me. As much as I imagine Viktor is forgetful, I also think there’s another possibility: he left Russia fully aware that he’d made a promise to Yurio, and was betting on Yurio either having forgotten/not having the willpower to get to Japan, or him having arrived to Yuuri and Viktor in the middle of a makeout session, whereupon Yurio would have disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Except, um, Katsuki Yuuri isn’t going the way he’d planned. And Yurio, unlike Yuuri, is going full-throttle at what he wants.

(Viktor, were you planning on having Yurio arrive after you put up that Instagram pic. WERE YOU?? I NEED TO KNOW HOW SMART YOU ARE)

Yurio’s arrival prompts some interesting behavior. Viktor drinks for the first time onscreen, which could be a typical Viktor thing or a signifier that something is wrong, and he does it while wearing his disappointed face:

*sigh* ANYWAY the next morning Viktor starts training with Yurio and Yuuri. Sometimes I believe that Viktor is humoring Yurio: I mean, he moved to Japan. He’s basically in love with Yuuri. He’s not going to become Yurio’s coach without a fight. AND THEN I SAW THIS LINE which isn’t even that significant:

(for reference, he’s just said hi to this fisherman, and Yurio and Yuuri both did not)

A huge part of being Yuuri’s coach, for Viktor, is teaching him manners with strangers, from minor fans to, well, Minami Kenjirou. Automatically, he’s giving Yurio this same behavior. And, though I don’t think he wants to coach Yurio, he does agree that whoever wins Onsen on Ice will have him. He could be seriously reconsidering coaching Yuuri, at this point, having spent the last week making zero progress. I do doubt this a bit, though. 

Part of his behavior could be because he doesn’t think Yurio is going to beat Yuuri in the first place, but I think a MUCH BIGGER part of it is that he recognizes a chance to use Yurio to stoke a fire in Yuuri. Up to this point, he’s jabbed at Yuuri quite a bit, but he hasn’t seen a single hint of the confident, competitive man he saw at the banquet. Yuuri doesn’t even act like he wants Viktor there. Then Yurio shows up, someone he knows has “competed” with Yuuri on the dance floor, and offers Yuuri a challenge. Viktor wants to see how Yuuri deals with that. Viktor wants to remind Yuuri of the banquet and its dance-off. Viktor wants Yuuri to show interest, and desire.

Look at the way he treats Yurio:

HE’S LEGIT AGGRAVATING THIS KID. LOOK AT HIS FACE. Viktor is blunt and confident in his skating skills, certainly, but I think this is the closest to bragging that Viktor has ever gotten in the show. The more I watch episode two, the higher Viktor Nikiforov’s emotional intelligence and frickin manipulation skills SKYROCKET in my head. Yurio is young, fiery, and as we know, Viktor is quite capable of playing him like a fiddle (reference: Yurio’s Junior competition).

He amps Yurio up, and heightens the stakes by threatening to take away his coaching from Yuuri, which Yuuri previously asked for, and give it to someone who seems much more interested.

And what is Yuuri’s response?

He gets passionate! He swears he’s going to GIVE VIKTOR EROS! Which, really, is what Viktor has wanted since he arrived.

And then our honey smiles, really smiles, for the first time:

“There’s my Yuuri,” he thinks. “He wants me, he’s going to skate for me, and he’s going to win.”

MISSION FRICKIN ACCOMPLISHED YOU CALCULATING, LOVESICK SWEETHEART

Yeah so, um, I got a bit off track in answering your ask. I think that, during that week, Viktor spent a lot of time:

1. skating out his feelings

2. plotting out how he was going to handle this immensely different situation with Yuuri

3. staring at Yuuri sweat and work out while whispering to himself, “how is he so hot why is he not paying any attention to me”

4. possibly, luring Yurio over, though I doubt even Viktor is that good

THANKS FOR ASKING, BYE NOW

[elizabethrobertajones]

About Destiel... Someone close to me who loves Spn and chat with me and all that but doesn't involve in Tumblr, or fanarts or whatever bc of man stereotypes (those are crap, really) told me yesterday that Dean was egocentric. I was like Are you fúcking kidding me, but he explained that there is a very thin line between hate and love, and for Dean to hate himself he had to have loved himself before, or something like that. I think it's interesting, so i wanted to know your opinion about this

Pfft, Tumblr cooties. 

I have to say I didn’t expect that logic to go where it did :P

I think Dean has a lot of anxiety and obvious self-esteem issues, but if I was going to look at him as being egocentric I’d be much more interested in examining his personal relationships than that… I’ve been musing on this while drinking my morning coffee (and sorry, this is going to be a headache & coffee reply :P) and thinking about Dean would ever have loved himself for that to turn into hate by that logic. 

I could think of 2 suggestions for how you could get to self-hate from there - the acceptably selfish love he’d have learned for himself as a kid while Mary was still alive (someone deserving of hugs and having the crusts cut off his sandwiches) and would have been destroyed under the burden of having to put himself second or third in the family unit, especially to Sam, once they’re on the road and he’s sort of raising Sam as the stand-in mother from age 4 onwards… Dean suffers from more and more extreme arcs about the loss of self, but the first “version” of Dean is one he lost early on and might have been the only Dean really able to uncomplicatedly love himself and believe himself worthy of that love, even if it’s in that way where to a 4 year old of course they’re the centre of the universe :P

There’s also a more complex thought I had and sorry, this is first thing in the morning for me so I hope I can explain properly… (Also this reply gets really long because of that… Sorry :P)

Looking at Dean’s self-loathing backwards, in how he ever expresses positive things about himself, I’m coming up mostly with all the snarky cutesy comments about how awesome he is and so on, which is pretty much always a great big helping of performing Dean. His self-worth is tied a lot into being a hunter (and he is occasionally sincerely proud of himself there), but overall that’s another persona, and the one he grew up into instead of the happy Dean with a normal childhood who might not have so many reasons to hate himself (Dean in 2x20, what you can gather about his personal life in the dream, is still completely affected by Dean’s own perception of himself so I don’t think it’s good data on how he’d live his life if he grew up with no monsters). 

Performing Dean, which that sequence at the end of 3x10 still shows best of any moment in the show, is all (when it comes down to it) something Dean acts under the expectation of what John would want or self-policed by what he thinks John would approve of. There’s an idealised version of Dean in his own head who is basically John or what Dean thinks John would have wanted him to be, and Dean’s lack of self-esteem is sometimes (dramatically) expressed in relation to feeling like he’s disappointed this spectre of John’s memory, and a great deal of his self-loathing comes from falling short of these standards. He’s definitely got better over time and learned to express himself more (by Dean standards) but his progress is always being interrupted, and this is such a core part of Dean I don’t think he can ever completely change it without altering his life in such a way there wouldn’t even be a show any more :P It’s not strictly “love” but it’s an idealised version of himself and also a key part of Dean’s sense of self and at least in the early seasons (before 3x10 let’s say :P) the version of himself he would want to love and live up to.

Anyway… idk about linking any of that directly to Dean being egocentric? I mean, that’s a reading you can make of him, I’m just not sure what part it plays. I should probably say immediately that I think Dean is very empathetic, and so that necessarily means in general he’s putting himself in others’ shoes when we’re looking at generic interpersonal relationships, plus the whole saving people thing, mean anything else I talk about, I’m giving Dean huge allowances here because I do think he’s kind and IN GENERAL puts others first, all the time. 

I know I have a tag about Dean being the centre of the universe, but for the most part I treat that as a joke on Dean where he doesn’t know it. On the other hand, the one major major time he exerts that power, in 5x22, he absolutely makes the entire apocalypse about him and his feelings and his need to talk to Sam before Michael and Lucifer fight, and uses that to save the world, so… Idk :P It’s not strictly a bad thing at all on a grand scale? Staying in season 5 for a minute (and sorry, Superwiki is not working right now so no quotes >.>), 5x11 explores Dean’s sense of the burden of the entire planet, and I think you could argue either way that he has an altruistic sense of having to save everyone, or focus on the “but why does it have to be him” thing, about how much he’s internalised that burden and in a way made it about himself. I feel like between his conditioning growing up to save people (and in season 1 he was altruistically the “saving people” side of “saving people hunting things” while Sam was the latter and revenge-focused) and the huge burdens the world puts on him, I don’t really think it’s fair to consider that Dean just happened to absorb this message because he’d be inclined to the idea of the world being on his shoulders, but that he is what the world made him especially with all the talk of Destiny and the feeling like no one else is remotely stuck in the cross hairs like they are. His reaction to being resurrected in 4x02 is skin-crawling horror that he’s been centred out for this sort of attention. When in big plot situations, his response can be read as egocentric, it’s not necessarily a criticism, especially as Dean is usually right, and it mostly gets the job done.

… Dealing with people, though. Idk, then it gets tricky :P Dean’s got a very strong moral centre and he expects others to hold up to his standards all the time. (I just watched through the end of season 6, and for example Dean arguing with Cas after the reveal is asking Cas to trust him and do as Dean says just because Dean believes it’s completely right and Cas is wrong. He doesn’t have any answers to help Cas this late in the game when they’re so deep into all these plans and disaster is looming and they’re out of time to deal with it, but in a way it’s almost like in 4x21 where Bobby’s telling Dean that Sam will die if they keep detoxing him, and Dean yells that at least Sam will die human - better to go out honourably than to betray yourself/Dean’s expectations of you. Being the moral core of the group DOES make it revolve around Dean’s principles, especially as he has a natural leadership to him and he can get used to what he says, goes. Like, in the latest episode, he makes the deal with Billie, and expects it to be about him when it comes to time to die… Mary getting between that abruptly shatters Dean’s centrality there, because the family unit is bigger than Dean and with so many more people involved in it, Mary and Cas hog all the drama of that moment, and in a way Dean only brought it to them. (And Sam, who only agreed to the deal, aside from badgering Dean to talk about it and getting shut down because Dean would clearly not want Sam to be the one to die, is also most used to operating under Dean’s rules and as the assumed survivor in Dean’s ideal scenario for that deal, had basically nothing to do with it aside from agreeing to a sketchy blood pact in the first place >.>)

Anyway watching through as far as I have (just watched 7x03) I do feel like I’ve been watching Dean’s moral authority grow and grow - as a response to trauma and to all the unimaginable situations he’s found himself in. Like the other characters, all the stuff that got them to the finish line in season 5, once in season 6 becomes much more dangerous and under the microscope for character development in a different way as the story switches from being sort of mythical to more about the interpersonal stuff. Dean by 7x03 has been shaken up by the ongoing problems with Sam, and Cas’s betrayal, and monsters that they don’t know how to kill, to the sort of place where his need for control, which was nurtured by all the apocalypse arc stuff by putting the burden directly on him, kind of now is definitely crossing over from a positive to neutral character trait to a definitely bad one… Honestly I feel like him ditching Sam and driving off to kill Amy because he doesn’t trust Sam is the real moment Dean snaps and sets off his arc that eventually leads to the Mark of Cain stuff, or Gadreel, which were all about Dean’s sense of control and his problems maintaining it that all play into his downfall arc as demon!Dean. (I honestly believe he’s so much more well-balanced in season 11 and 12 after all the character development Dean went through in season 10 - he was getting alarmingly zen and full of self-acceptance just before they pushed him  back over the edge… although it really needs a long view on it, like, I wasn’t certain for sure until 11x23 about how this was going for Dean, and he keeps doing stuff like these deals so it’s sort of like… he’s getting BETTER I’m not saying he’s perfect now :P) 

Anyway when it comes to Destiel, which I guess was the original reason you asked this based on your opening line… I think Dean DOES sometimes come across as egocentric - times when he puts himself or his problems first (the worst example being kicking Cas out of the Bunker). I’ve seen it argued a lot that Dean doesn’t really understand Cas to a certain level of Cas being vulnerable and/or someone he can really hurt this way, mostly because he has expectations literally to high Heaven about what Cas is and what he can do, and Cas is getting more and more human (only sometimes literally) but Dean has a lot of trouble bringing Cas down to his level. That “applications for sainthood” line about Dean and relationships is one of the best for looking at Dean and interpersonal relationships. That mixes HIS expectations (the egocentric side) with adoration and an expectation from others that he projects onto them, which is a much more selfless love but I guess no less dangerous when it comes to people disappointing him, because it comes as a blow to his entire world view. Like in 6x20 where Dean refused so long to think that Cas would betray them. Not just because Dean selfishly thinks everyone should do what he says (which is how it can come across) but because he truly believes those he loves would not do bad things. (Which also can explain his really extreme reactions to the bad stuff Sam does and Dean’s absolute reactions to it. In 4x22 when Dean’s moping about Sam to Bobby, Bobby calls Dean out on sounding like his father, which I think says a lot about where this behaviour in general comes from, again, all the absolutes and black and white thinking.) 

Anyway Dean said himself in 11x23 to Cas in the beer run, that he and Sam can get very caught up in their own stuff and forget to care about the things outside their problems, acknowledging how Cas had got a bit left to the wayside. I think that means Dean does genuinely struggle with this - and it’s now finally something that maybe they can really address after it was allowed to escalate so far over many seasons… historically almost every time there’s something wrong with Cas, Dean is slow on the uptake or it comes to smack him in the face he can’t be objective about it and generally makes the situation worse before it gets better (or swept under the rug into the growing pile of trauma Cas deals with >.>)… 

Now we’re getting some real Cas-focused episodes/a whole arc, and Cas’s problems are really out there again, I hope that means for Dean getting to face them properly as well and NOT reacting in the same way he often does. If there are far fewer issues around because all the plot has de-escalated a bit, HOPEFULLY that will let him focus on stuff outside himself? Like, though he didn’t react great to Cas leaving afterwards, when Cas actually announced he was going, Sam and Dean chased after him, and it was clear in that moment Dean genuinely was tuned in to something being up with Cas and without any other major problems to worry about that could take priority over that, and was concerned about Cas. 

I’m really hoping when it comes to Dean’s awareness of Cas’s issues he’s just had a huge wake up call, especially about how much Cas cares about them all, and while that was all about “the Winchesters” the show endlessly puts Dean n Cas just a little notch above everything else in that dynamic (Dean getting the more dramatic reaction to seeing Cas, sitting with him in the car, being the one to phone him, Sam as an outside observer to that and what Dean did and didn’t tell Cas… Even when all the language seemed to be very generically about the family as a whole, they are still singled out within it…)

But yeah, I’m not at all a bitter Cas fan who thinks Dean is cruel to Cas so I’m saying this out of wanting them to be better than they already are, not like this is a barrage of accusations levelled at Dean for being self-centred :P I try to always follow both their perspectives on a thing because there’s always huge misunderstandings. And sadly when Dean has a misunderstanding with Cas  he often lashes out at him, and that also makes it look in a lot of circumstances like Dean is being self-centred, where from his perspective he feels just as wronged by Cas and is already desperate and angry when they start a conversation (still thinking of season 6 and I guess their epic miscommunication in the end of season 7, or Dean’s lack of understanding in season 8 after the crypt scene, which is a moment that piles on a huge mess Dean’s already feeling so he doesn’t react out of the blue to randomly be angry with Cas when he shows up again…) Dean’s kind of terrible all round at interpersonal relationships… I’m very sympathetic to him there so it doesn’t upset me as long as I can understand WHERE he’s gone wrong. 

… I should probably stop talking here because I have no idea what you actually wanted here but I have been spewing way too many thoughts at you to no real conclusion… This reply is way too long but I can’t think how to cut it down aside from just not making entire points or not answering :P