#but the bookstore has to step it up. honestly a lot of places have to step it up. why do they love only carrying the worst ww comics

[themyscirah]

Was at Barnes & Noble today buying a book for my flight this weekend and they really had the worst selection of Wonder Woman comics 💔

I was moving fast bc I had ppl waiting for me so I only got a quick glance but seemed to be just copies of Earth One, the Messner-Loebs TPB, and WW: Evolution, the last of which I haven't read yet but the art looks ugly and they use current continuity Vanessa Kapetelis so those are already strikes in my book. Earth One I also haven't read (although ill probably force myself to at some point) but that's self explanatory

Oh and the Messner-Loebs TPB wasn't even the Artemis issues it was the beginning of his run! Which I'm sorry but is SO garbage. Why are we stranding Diana in space for a year in universe, having her ditch her entire supporting cast and then work minimum wage at DC taco bell to survive. Please guys cmon now

[soulsforsales]

Professor Steven Grant x Reader

Warning: This is my first fic (Idk if that should be a warning but I am scared lol), fluff, age gap, no use of Y/N, sorry for any grammatical mistakes

Summary: You always had a weak spot for nerds but Steven Grant might just be the man of your dreams.

Pairing: Steven Grant x reader (yes, we do have Marc and Jake in the next chapters!)

Thankyou @ivystoryweaver for your ideas and support <3

Chapter 1

It is a warm Tuesday afternoon in October. You are browsing the books in the "classics" section at the bookstore. Usually, you come to the bookstore on weekends but you've decided to meet a friend this week, so here you are.

Your eyes roam the bookshelf along with your hand in a straight line until you hit something. Someone. You step back, an apology already on your lips until you turn and see the man beside you and suddenly you are at a loss for words. You stare at him.

Normally, if you run into someone at the bookstore you would just turn away and apologize, which happened a lot since you were always lost searching for your book but it wasn't a rom-com movie where anyone you accidentally stumble upon turns out to be your soulmate - but, god, right now you wish it were.

Honestly, you have seen your fair share of good-looking men, but this guy was, you dare say it, gorgeous.

He had a defined, sharp jawline with dark brown eyes, and his hair was a mess of curls. He was wearing baggy clothes but it suited him just fine and a messenger bag slung on his shoulder. 'I'm sorry,' you hear him say and he gives an apologetic smile. O.K. If you thought he was good-looking a moment ago, his smile was absolutely beaming - and it wasn't even a real smile. 'You okay?' He asks, his fingers grazing your forearm for the slightest second, bringing you back to life. He is looking down at you, confused. Really? Could he not see what he was doing to you or did he not know how good-looking he was?

You nod, saying, 'I am fine. Sorry about that.' He waves his hand in front of his face, 'No worries,' he replies with a smile. He looks a bit older than you, thirteen years or some.

You are staring at him again. You can feel yourself getting red. So embarrassing.

'That's a nice book you've got there,' he says, pointing to the book in your hands that was now wrapped around your chest. The blush on your cheeks deepens, he doesn't notice.

"Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte" you trace your fingers over the cover of the book.

'Yeah,' you say, pushing the book closer to yourself, 'you too.' Alright, you do not know why you said that, but he was holding a book and it only felt right to return the compliment.

Or maybe you are just really bad when it comes to conversations with someone who's got you fawning.

He shows the book to you, "The Ennead" it reads. Suddenly, you are intrigued. Yes, you work for a textile company but History, especially Egyptian, has always been interesting to you. And before you know it, you are both somehow in a long, elaborated conversation about the Ennead, Egyptian history, and the pyramids.

He knew so much that it left you speechless. You could only admire him as he kept spitting engrossing Egyptian facts as if it were the weather report. He talked animatedly, with his hands moving and his eyes gleaming. His hands, wow, his perfect, sleek hands were totally distracting you from his stories.

He stopped abruptly when his phone rang. He was telling you something about Ammit, the sinister goddess of the Underworld but he had to stop and pick up the call.

He held the phone close to his chest, saying, 'Looks like I'll have to leave.' He looked like he was in a hurry but he glanced at you once more before walking out the place, as if he wanted to say more.

He disappeared soon as if he'd never even been here.

Your heart is beating fast and it feels almost as if, you have never had a conversation like this one before. Maybe it was the person more than the conversation itself.

You didn't even ask for his name, you wince at the realization. You should've totally asked for his name.

Maybe you'll see him again.

For some reason, you are sure you'll see him again.

•------🌙

You are a few feet away from the coffee shop's door when you notice your friend. She's sitting at the table with someone, you can't really see who, and is typing aggressively into her laptop.

Your friend is in the last year of her University, she's a year younger than you. You always knew that University was not your thing but you'd attended it anyway because your parents wanted you to and being exceedingly wealthy, they had proposed to pay your study loans for you.

So now you have a full-time job, a good paycheck, and an apartment of your own without any piles of loans above your head. While your friend, still in Uni was drowning in projects and assignments and you knew she needed to loosen up a bit, hence, the reason you two were meeting today.

You enter the shop with a smile, but it drops the moment you notice who your friend is with. You freeze a few feet away from the table. You couldn't be sure if it was him but the resemblance was there.

Your friend looks up from her laptop, noticing you. She waves at you, grinning, which makes, whoever it is, sitting in front of her turn to you.

You almost trip. He looks even better than the last time you'd seen him. He was still wearing baggy clothes, his hair tousled and curly but it looked purposely done. And he was wearing glasses, red colored glasses perched on the top of his nose. Adorable.

You always had a weak spot for nerds but he might just be the man of your dreams.

Your friend asks you to come over and have a seat and you do. You can tell that he remembers you. He's been staring at you ever since you walked in and you can't breathe. What's happening to you?

Your friend, however, is oblivious, she introduces you to the man, telling him your name and he introduces himself, 'Steven Grant,' he says, shaking your hand clumsily. You nod. His hand, oh god, the handshake sent tingles all over your skin.

'He was just helping me with a few assignments, thank you so much for this,' your friend adds and after telling her that it's no big deal Steven leaves the table to get his order.

You watch him go. Steven Grant. You had met him at the bookstore almost a week ago and yet, you couldn't stop thinking about him. It felt foolish but you'd never, in your life, daydreamed about a guy the way you'd daydreamed about Steven Grant.

'Stop drooling,' your friend says interrupting your rail of thoughts. A blush spreads on your cheeks. You aren't drooling... are you?

'How do you know him?' You ask her

Your friend grins, 'he's my history professor.'

Your jaw drops, 'he's a professor?' You repeat, placing your hands on your chest dramatically, 'he's like everything I've ever wanted.'

She chuckles, 'You should ask him out. He's exactly your type and I am sure he's single.'

Your eyes turn to Steven who's now getting his coffee, 'how's he still single?'

'Because he's the most awkward person you'll ever meet and the only friend he has is a goldfish named 'Gus', it is one-finned or something. He loves talking about it,' your friend tells

You smile to yourself but your heart's hammering against your chest and you know you'd never have the courage to ask him out.

'I could never,' you say, biting your lower lip. Before your friend can reply Steven comes back with a flask that the barista had filled for him.

Your friend smirks as she closes her laptop and leaves the table the next moment. You silently beg her to stay but it's too late.

Steven looks at you and you can't stop blushing. You are praying that your complexion doesn't give it away. 'Correct me if I'm wrong,' he speaks sweetly, 'but... have we met before?'

Your cheeks redden, 'yeah,' you say, 'Yes actually, at the bookstore... that day, I - I had no idea that you were, would be - what a coincidence, right?' You give yourself an imaginary facepalm. Someone must remind you how to form a coherent sentence again.

'You're at University too?' He asks

You shake your head, 'Oh no, not anymore.'

Steven smiles in reply and you two fall into an awkward silence. You want to say something - you know you should say something but he hasn't stopped smiling since you arrived and you can't think straight when he's looking at you with those deep, soft, brown eyes.

Maybe you should ask him something about his job - anything would be better than staring at him like an idiot.

You open your mouth to speak but Steven cuts you off, 'that day when we met,' he says, taking his glasses off, 'I wanted to ask you something, actually...' he pauses to take a good look at your face, you can swear you are as red as a tomato by now. 'I was wondering if - if you would want to - maybe - uh, have dinner with me sometime? I was just thinking if...' You don't hear the rest of the sentence. Your breath hitches in your throat. Was he asking you out? Was Steven Grant, the man you had been reeling after - asking you out on a date? This felt unreal.

'I'm sorry,' his voice reaches your ear, interrupting your thoughts, 'I think I might be reading too much into it. I understand if you're not interested.'

Your eyes visibly widen at his words. It wasn't that at all.

'No.' You almost yell, 'I - I am interested. I want to, I mean. I would love to go on a date with you.' You are smiling hard and you can feel the butterflies rummaging in your stomach. 'If - if that's what you are implying.' You add.

This is bad.

Steven lets out a small laugh, his cheeks turning pink, 'Yes. Yes, th - that's what I meant.'

You grin, not because you want to but because you can't help it. He's so nice and so absolutely beautiful.

Steven fiddles with his sleeves nervously, saying, 'Well, there's this really nice restaurant down the street. They have all kinds of food options. I - I was thinking maybe we could, you know, check it out.'

You nod, still smiling. Still feeling the butterflies in your stomach. He looked ten times better when he smiled.

'Yeah,' you say, 'yeah, sounds great.'

'I'll see you tomorrow then? If - if that's okay with you. I get off work at 5'

'Tomorrow's good.'

'Yeah?' He's smiling with his eyes now, crinkles appearing around them and oh, you could just die.

Steven's expression softens as he starts to get up, 'I am terribly sorry, love,' he says, with a weak smile, 'I would really like to stay but I have to leave now - I have a meeting at work. I could, uh, text you the details, though?'

You tell him that it's alright and exchange phone numbers.

'See you tomorrow, then?' He asks, sliding his messenger bag down his shoulder, his curls toss as he fixes the strap and you fight the urge to push your fingers through them. You really wanted to.

'It's a date then,' you say, biting your lower lip. It was hard to contain your giddiness.

'I'll call you.' He says, passing you a little smile before finally walking out the shop.

Oh my god. It happened! You are going out on a date with Steven Grant. You are acting like a teenager getting asked out for the first time but you're too happy to care. You are happy - excited even - for a date, you haven't felt this like this in a long time.

Your friend finally comes back to the table, holding a sandwich in one hand and a coffee cup in another.

'You were ages.' You say, adding Steven's phone number into your contacts

'Was I?' Your friend replies, slurping her drink, 'well, the barista was super cute - not really my fault, besides, what were you chatting with Mr. Grant about?'

You smile. Your cheeks hurt from smiling now but you can't help it, 'I am going on a date.' You tell her, 'With your professor.'

Tagging: @wittyjasontodd (I didn't know if you'd wanted to be tagged since this is not DC related but here it is!), @fandxmslxt69 (bcs I was inspired by your math professor lol >.<)

Anyone who wants to be tagged, just lmk!

[a-lanterninthenight]

Shrike - Part 1

Hi there! This story has been sitting in my Google Docs for quite a bit, and I had honestly forgotten about it until I found it in when I was going through them. I really hope you like it. I feel like there aren't enough Danny fics out there, so hopefully this one will be able to aid all my fellow Danny laners out there. The title was inspired by the gorgeous song Shrike by Hozier, which I'll link here: Hozier - Shrike (Official Audio) - YouTube I'd greatly appreciate any feedback you have, so don't be afraid to drop something in the comments or message me. My deepest thanks to @kaedepo for helping make the moodboard and reading the draft as I wrote it. Now, without further ado, let's get started...

Reader x Danny

TW: none

Word Count: ~2.7k

Sunlight streamed through your gauzy white curtains as you opened your eyes. As they adjusted to the bright summer sunshine, you sat up, taking in the view of your small but cozy bedroom. You had just moved to Nashville last week, and this small apartment was your first real place of your own. It had taken several years of waitressing, pet sitting, and other odd jobs to pay your way through school, but you had finally done it. Nashville was your dream home ever since you were little, and to your elation, a small bookstore in town had offered you a position as a marketing manager. Graduation was three weeks ago, and after a short but much needed vacation, you had packed your things and moved in. 

The soft meows of your cat Stevie greeted you as you walked down the hall from your room into the kitchen. Stevie rubbed up against your legs, purring loudly and leaving some of her ginger colored fur on the pant legs of your black sweatpants. “Good morning, Stevie girl, today’s a big day,” you said to her. Today you started working, and you were eagerly but also a little nervously looking forward to it. “Let’s hope that everything goes ok.” After feeding Stevie, you went back into your room to get dressed and ready for the day. Opting for a comfy but dressy enough pair of jeans and a flowy blouse, you applied a light dusting of makeup and curled your hair in loose waves. Right as you were putting away your curling iron, your phone buzzed. Looking at it, you saw a text from your best friend from school, Stella. “Hey! Big day today, but you’ve got this! Good luck and let me know how it goes.” 

You and Stella had been best friends since your freshman year of college, where you had been in the same freshman seminar. She was heading off to medical school to become a cardiologist in the fall, and despite the big difference in majors, you had been inseparable since you first met. “Thanks, I really appreciate it. I have to be in at 9, so I’m going to be leaving soon. I’ll keep you posted.” Once you clicked send, you slipped into your comfy white Vans, grabbed your keys and small purse, and walked to the front door. “Bye Stevie,” you said to the cat as you walked out the door and down the stairs to your car. The drive to work was only 15 minutes, and after a quick stop at a local Starbucks to buy your usual iced latte and a croissant, you were pulling into the parking lot behind the bookstore. 

The bells on the door rang as you stepped foot inside. You took in the rows of bookshelves and the comfy reading nook in the back corner. You could definitely get used to working in a place like this. 

“Hello! You must be y/n,” a cheery voice called from behind the cash register. A woman with beautiful auburn curls smiled at you, and you immediately recognized her as your new boss, Rosalind. “Hi, you’ve got that right,” you said as you walked and shook hands with her. “We’re so happy to have you here with us! I promise I’m not the only other person working here right now, the others are back in the breakroom.” She led you to a small door in the back that said employees only, which opened onto a tiny but nicely furnished room with three people in it. Rosalind introduced them as Emma, Owen, and Allie. Emma was the store’s resident children’s book expert, while Owen and Allie handled the other genres. Along with being a marketing manager in charge of publicity for the store, you had accepted a part time role as a salesperson, which you were more than happy to do. Sharing your love of books with others was a passion of yours, and you were excited to interact with the customers. Rosalind gave you a quick crash course in how to deal with certain situations, and soon you were out amongst the shelves in the store. Today was going to be entirely about selling books, and you were going to meet and discuss marketing tomorrow.

The store was fairly busy throughout the morning, and you patrolled the floors of the store, ready to be of assistance to any customer who needed it. Around noon, you had stopped to look at the back cover of a new book when you glanced up and saw a young woman with light brown hair staring at a bookshelf. Sensing that this was your cue to sweep in, you strolled over and asked if she needed any help. “Actually, I would love that. I came here for some new books to get while I’m here on vacation and I’ve read pretty much every book on my tbr list,” the young woman said to you. “Well, I can definitely help with that. What genres do you enjoy reading?” you prompted. She listed off several ones, and you immediately got a few ideas. Walking over to the fantasy section, you grabbed a few that you thought she might enjoy. “I think these should be perfect for you. They’re quite popular right now.” 

“These sound great! Thank you so much for the recommendations.” She smiled at you, and you walked over to the cash register to ring up her purchases. While you scanned barcodes and completed the transaction, you made small talk. “So, you’re here for vacation?” you asked. “Yes! I usually come here a few times a year, but mostly for weekend trips. I’m staying for two weeks this time though.” “Wow, you must really love Nashville.” The girl laughed, “You could say that. My brother lives here, so I’ve learned to love the city. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m brand new to this place. I just moved here last week. This is my first place post-grad,” you explained. “I’ve wanted to live here since I was very little though.” The girl smiled, and she explained that she had just graduated college too. She had come down from Michigan to stay with her brother as a vacation to celebrate her graduation, and after her visit she would be heading back home to work as a real estate agent outside of Detroit. The more you two chatted, the more you realized how much you had in common. You were both younger siblings, and reading had been one of your favorite hobbies since you were little. Your birthdays were only a week apart, and you both had pet cats that you loved dearly. You were amazed at how in a few short minutes, a complete stranger had become as close to you as a friend you’d had since grade school. 

“My name’s Josie by the way,” the girl smiled as she put her credit card back in her wallet and slung her purse over her shoulder. “Unfortunately, I should really let you get back to work, so how would you like to meet me for dinner tonight? I’d love to chat more with you.” You enthusiastically agreed, and she gave you the name of a bar within a short distance from the heart of the city and your apartment. She headed toward the door, and waved goodbye as she walked out. The bells jingled, and you smiled to yourself. It felt good to make a new friend. 

…

The bright lights of the neon signs on the wall and the familiar smell of alcohol greeted you as you walked into the bar that Josie had suggested. The place was the perfect mix of old and new, and the vibes matched yours to a T. Josie was sitting on a stool at the bar and she waved as you headed towards her. “Hey there! So glad to see you again.” She gave you a hug before you sat down next to her. The bartender turned to face you, asking for your order, to which you responded with your old faithful, Jack and coke. The drink was quickly placed in front of you, and you sipped it as Josie began to speak. “Since you’re new to Nashville, I had an idea. Why don’t I introduce you to my brother? You can never have too many friends in a new city.” “That does sound nice. To be honest I don’t really know anyone else here besides people from work, and you,” you replied. “Perfect, I’ll text him now,” Josie pulled out her phone and began typing. Shortly after she hit send and put the phone down, her lock screen lit up with a notification from a contact named Danny. “Ah, that was fast,” she exclaimed as she read the message. “I’ve got even better news. Danny said he’s actually in the neighborhood right now and he’d be more than happy to swing by and say hello. This is great!” You weren’t sure what to think about this news, as you could be a bit shy when meeting new people, but you happily responded with “Wonderful, I can’t wait!” 

About fifteen minutes had passed by, and suddenly you were broken out of your conversation by Josie calling someone’s name. You turned around, and realized someone was walking through the door of the bar. Not someone, it was a group of 4 men. The first one to walk in was short, with hair that could only be described as a cross between a mullet and a mohawk. He was wearing a brown linen jumpsuit and white sneakers, and he had a big grin on his mustached face. Following right behind him was another man who looked very similar, though he had wavy brown hair cut in a bob and no facial hair. His outfit reminded you of a rockstar, as he was wearing sunglasses and a shirt with only the bottom few buttons done. He oozed confidence, and you found yourself wondering just who he was. Next to walk in was a man who looked like he could be related to the first two, except for the fact that he had a few inches on them. This one was tall and lanky, with long brown hair and facial hair in a look that was very George Harrison-esque. He wore a button-down shirt in a blue paisley pattern, and he had navy pants with a shoestring belt. Finishing out the group was a man who you could only describe as looking like a Greek god. He was tall, taller than even the long haired one, with dark curly hair with a few faded blonde highlights. He had an angular face and tanned skin, and he was wearing a blue and white striped shirt with the top buttons undone. The tiniest bit of chest hair peeked out, and you had to quickly stop yourself from staring. Given that the other three men looked like they were siblings and Josie had only ever mentioned having one brother, you deduced that this man must be her brother. 

“Hey guys!” Josie exclaimed as the four men approached you. The lanky one wrapped Josie in a hug as the mustached man greeted her with a “Hello sunshine!” Hugs were shared all around as each of the other men gave Josie a hug. “Hello there!” the mustached man said to you. “Y/n, right? Danny said his sister would be introducing us to you. My name is Josh.” He flashed you a smile as you confirmed your name. Josie leaned in, saying “Y/n, meet the Kiszkas and my brother, Danny.” You quickly learned that the other short man was named Jake, while the taller brunette was Sam. Your hunch proved correct, and the curly haired one was identified as Josie’s brother, Danny. 

The six of you moved from the bar to a big table towards the back, and the boys ordered their drinks while you and Josie chit chatted. Once they returned, they took their seats and conversation resumed. “So, how are you liking Nashville so far?” Sam asked you as you finished your drink. “I love it! I’ve wanted to live here my whole life, and it’s everything I could have wanted it to be. Granted, I’ve only been here for a week, but I’m very happy with it.” 

“That’s great! It’s honestly kind of impossible to not fall in love with the city. I know it was love at first sight for me.” Sam confessed. “Well, anything beats Frankenmuth.” Jacob joked, and Sam shrugged in acknowledgement. “Frankenmuth? I’m assuming that’s your hometown?”

Josh nodded, and Danny quipped “It’s not exactly the most… cosmopolitan place. Don’t get me wrong, it was a wonderful place to grow up, but you can only live in a tiny town for so long before the walls close in on you.” Josie raised her glass in agreement. You pondered this, agreeing with their points. You had grown up in a small town in upstate New York, and you were all too familiar with the remote, rural life. Escape was necessary, and college had provided that for you. Like them, you loved your home, but you knew how stifling it was to be in a town where everyone knew everything about you. You had yearned for your independence, and Nashville was the place where you could finally strike out on your own. 

The rest of the evening was spent playing darts, pool, and taking shots with the boys and Josie. You learned that Danny was VERY good at darts, and Sam was a sore loser when it came to it. He complained that “Daniel’s hand-eye coordination is unfairly good because he’s a drummer,” to which Danny retorted that Sam should have just as good coordination from playing the keys. Sam was silenced by this remark, and he returned to the booth where Josh was sitting and sulked for a short while before Jake was able to drag him and Josh over to play pool. The dynamic between the four men was very entertaining, and you eventually learned that Josh and Jake were twins, while Sam was their younger brother. Danny and Josie were unrelated to them, but they were equally family, with Jake emphasizing that Danny was just as much a brother to him as Sam and Josh were. You smiled at this. You could clearly see the bond they had, and it warmed your heart. 

Once the clock struck 12:00, you all agreed that it was time to start going your separate ways. You hadn’t been able to figure out what the guys did for a living, though they did mention instruments, so you wondered if they were involved in Nashville’s vibrant music scene. You tucked that question away in your mind, hoping to ask Josie in the future. Without a doubt, you knew you’d be seeing her again before she returned to Michigan. The June air was warm as you stepped outside the bar to wait for the Uber you had called. Soon after a car pulled up, and you gave Josie a hug and waved goodbye to the boys before climbing in.  

As you got into your Uber, you couldn’t stop seeing Danny’s face in your mind. Though he hadn’t spoken much, you were drawn to him. It wasn’t just his good looks though. He had an energy that oozed comfort. You felt like you had known him forever, and you found yourself wondering how you might see him again. 

The front door creaked as you let yourself into your apartment, and you smiled as you heard the soft tinkle of Stevie’s bell. You went into your room and put on your pajamas, taking off your makeup shortly after. Once you were all ready for bed, you climbed under the blankets, and you decided to put on a playlist of quiet music to help you drift off to sleep. The last thing you heard before you succumbed to sleep was the gentle acoustic guitar and quiet tenor of Hozier singing “Remember me, love, when I’m reborn, as the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn…”

[shirohige-pirates]

Birds of a Feather

CisFem Reader x Marco

CW: Violence, blood, language, adult themes and scenes. 18+ only

Summary: Life has not been kind to you. After a string of bad relationships, you're a little jaded and a little depressed in all honestly. The worst day of your life seems to be the turning point, but the roller coaster ride that follows could either throw you soaring free, or have you caged forever?

Tag List: @clumsyraccoon

Chapter 22: Old Flames

The two of you changed into casual clothes and headed for the bookstore café, Cups and Covers. Sadly, Gram wasn’t working, so you couldn’t tease Marco as the two of you got two more cups of coffee.

You spent a good few hours meandering around the shop, flipping through different books and talking idly about what you both enjoyed reading. You picked out calendars for one another for the upcoming year. Something you could both inconspicuously hang up at work, and hopefully have good thoughts about the other for at least as long as the calendar lasts.

Over the course of your visit you ended up having two cups of honey tea as well, and by the end of it all your voice was mostly recovered. Which was a relief for several reasons, first and foremost of which, was that you weren’t sure how effectively you would’ve been able to beg and pout if he insisted on having you take it easy again Sunday.

With a few more books added to the calendars, the two of you left the café.

“Where is Nasugasira?” You question as Marco pulls out of the bookstore lot. You’d heard Sanji talk about the place, but you’d never gone yourself.

“Close to the dock-side carnival.” He explains. “Most of Zeff’s places are catered more toward sailors than islanders.”

“Salty sailors and sassy staff,” you say quoting the advertisements you’d seen for the place. “It’s a teppanyaki place, right?”

“Partially, there’s a pub side, some general seating and teppanyaki tables.” He looks over at you. “Up for a crowd tonight, or?”

“I’d, ah,” you clear your throat. “Just like to be able to talk with you.”

“Greedy, huh?”

You shrug. “Maybe a little.” Slipping your fingers into his, you do your best not to look nearly as flustered as you are. “I just don’t want to listen to strangers ascribe cute couple aspects to us until we’ve sorted most of that out ourselves.”

“Cute couple.” He muses, and you run your free hand down your face even as you feel it heating up.

“I mean, you’re doing most of the heavy lifting for it.” You tease, managing to recover a little faster than you thought. Marco laughs, pulling your hand over and kissing your knuckles.

“So she says,” he muses. “Hey, I was meaning to ask, why’d you pick a giant stuffed pineapple, yoi?”

“I refuse to say.” You say hastily, looking away before he can see anything on your face.

“That just makes me more curious.”

“I’m sure it does.” You admit without offering anything more.

Marco’s fingers slip free of yours, and he starts walking his fingers up your arm. It’s a simple action, but just like at the carnival, you can feel the warmth of his fingers more acutely than you should be able to with a long-sleeved shirt on. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, but it was entirely unfair.

“I won’t laugh,” he muses, fingers slowly stepping their way up to your shoulder. “Or get mad, yoi.”

“I, I didn’t think you’d get mad,” you admit, pressing your lips together as those long fingers tug a little at your shirt collar, teasing your skin idly. “It was… purely functional.”

Marco’s fingers freeze. “Functional?”

You put both of your hands over your face. “It can be used as a pillow, or I could snuggle it and since I can’t snuggle you every night, it just… seemed pra-practical.”

“… Alright.” You can hear it in his voice and turn toward him to see his ears and neck red.

“… Why’d you ask?” You question after a moment’s pause.

You can see the monumental struggle on his face. You twine your fingers through his and a small embarrassed chuckle escapes him.

“It’s my favorite food, yoi.”

“I’d say what are the odds, but it was either that or the monkey plushie, and the jester hat on it just wasn’t doing it for me.” You admit, giving his hand a squeeze. “But, thank you.”

“For?”

“I mean, knowing it’s your favorite food makes it, um… y’know… nice.”

The car ride quiets until you make it to the restaurant, the two of you simmering in your own thoughts. It isn’t until Marco reaches across himself with his left hand to put the car in park that you realize you hadn’t let go of his hand.

“Ah, sorry, I-.” you mumble, and Marco’s grip on your hand tightens a little as he undoes his seat belt and leans over, pulling you toward him for a kiss. “I…”

Blue eyes shift from your lips to your eyes. You can see the smile slip along his lips, and it only causes your sputtering brain to falter more. You turn your head away, covering your face.

“I feel like a teenager.” It’s half a statement and half a grumble, but you squeeze his hand when you say it and hear the soft chuckle escape him.

“Me too, yoi.” He admits, and when you turn back toward him he pulls you in again, kissing you almost desperately. Leaning into it, you bring your hand up to his face and feel the soft, contented moan bubble up in him and slip into the kiss.

You start to lean back, and Marco leans forward, chasing after one more kiss. You smile even as he kisses you, and are getting ready to admonish him when the car horn goes off and causes you to squeak and Marco to flinch.

“Oops.” He manages before he leans back and laughs softly. “Sorry about that, yoi.”

You laugh, a mix of nerves and need and a little more nerves honestly. “No, it’s fine. Teenagers.” You muse as the two of you get out of the car and head into Nasugasira. “You’re kind of a menace, you know that?”

Marco raises his brows questioningly, opening the door for you. “Oh?”

“I remember, very clearly, being calm and collected, and not at all… twitterpated.”

“I don’t think that’s my fault,” he teases, before looking up at the hostess. “Two please, general booth seating.”

“Certainly, right this way,” she replies, grabbing two menus and sets of cutlery before guiding the two of you back to an open booth. “Here you are, and your server will be with you shortly.”

“It has to be your fault.” You continue as you open the menu to look over it. “The only thing that’s changed in my life is you waltzing into it all smooth an’ suave and good lookin’ like you own the place.”

He laughs, hand over his mouth as your server comes up to the table. You get drinks ordered and Marco puts in for an appetizer before you both return to your menus.

“Don’t know what to say to that, do you?” You question, looking up from your menu for a second to appreciate the red slipping across his cheeks.

“I do not, yoi.” He admits, keeping his eyes on the menu.

“Ah, finally, a point.” You declare quietly.

“A point?”

“Yes, I’ve finally flustered you enough you don’t have a comeback.” You explain, straightening up in the booth and trying to look all confident. “Took me long enough.”

“If it’s like that, I’ll just have to try harder.” He muses and you nearly whimper.

“Please don’t.” You lift your menu up and pointedly hide behind it.

“You’re asking me to go easy on you then?” He questions and you hang your head in defeat before lowering your menu.

“Going after a person’s pride,” you reply, sticking out your tongue. “I’m not-.”

“Ah! Marco! You rotten old pineapple, how’re you doing?” A tanned man with shockingly deep red hair, and some scars over his eye, walks over to your table. A loose white shirt, some brown slacks and flip-flops. He looks more sailor than islander, but you can’t figure out how he can be warm in so little, until you notice the dark amber drink in his hand. He notices you as you notice him and gives you a bit of a smile.

“Oh, pardon me miss, I saw my, uh, old friend here and seems I’ve intruded a bit.”

“Yes, you have // Oh that’s alrigh-.” Marco and you speak up at the same time, and you let your words trail off. In all the time you’ve known him, this is the first time his usually neutral voice doesn’t sound completely neutral.

“Ah, see, she’s fine with it.” He grins, and you wish you could shove your words back into your mouth, but you get the impression he would’ve found a way around Marco’s words anyway. “It’s been years, how’ve you been?”

“I’m doing well, yoi.” Marco replies flatly, and he starts to say something else but the man turns toward you.

“Ah, my manners are awful, forgive me Miss. Name’s Shanks, are you a coworker of - no wait, it’s Saturday night, right? Oh, the old bird’s finally moved on? Good, good.” He reaches out and is shaking your hand. You mutter your name in response, but you’re not really sure what to say.

It feels like if you tell him to buzz off he’ll find a way to dodge the action itself until he’s said his fill, and Marco’s demeanor isn’t hostile. It would sour the evening if you said something only to make things worse. It feels a bit like having some kind of natural disaster shimmy up to your booth to tell you how nice your shoes look.

“I didn’t realize you were back in the North.” Marco says evenly. His neutral demeanor is almost completely restored, but there’s no easy smile on his face.

“Ah, yeah, sorry about that. We weren’t planning on being back here for another couple months, but favorable winds and a change in cargo, and here we are.” Shanks grins. “We’ll be in port long enough to swing by for your birthday-.”

“Oi!”

“-party.”

For the first time since he came over to the table, Shanks looks properly admonished, but the expression fades quickly. “She’s going, of course. Of course you are,” he insists, sitting down next to you. “These boys usually just throw one big monthly party for everyone’s birthday that month, right? Cause there’s so damned many of them, but Marco, big brother that he is to everybody, always gets a party just for himself. His brothers basically insist on it. Drives him half-mad, but he can’t argue it because he knows it comes from a place of love.”

Normally you’d be completely irritated by someone just sitting down beside you, prattling on like this, but there was something in Shanks’ tone, his movements, his very demeanor that left you more flustered than irritated. It reminded you a bit of dealing with Marco, only different. More exuberant and filled with bright colors and flourish.

Marco was subtler. Just as impossible to ignore or dislike, but for completely different reasons.

He was also currently slowly losing his cool. You noticed his face in his hands, and weren’t sure entirely what he was thinking right now, but his neutral calm was certainly gone.

“Have you been to one of those yet?” Shanks asks, pulling your attention back to him.

“One of… what?” You blink, having lost the thread of the conversation for the moment.

“One of the big monthly birthday bashes.” Shanks repeats, beaming a bright smile at you. “If he’s this comfortable around you, then you’ve probably been to a couple. Seas know it takes him forever to warm up to anyone. Well, no, it takes him forever to admit he’s warmed up to someone, I’m pretty sure he falls way faster than he admits.”

“This - uh… we’ve… we’ve been dating, for a… week?” You manage to say, looking back and forth between Marco and Shanks. The red-head freezes in place, eyes going wide. “We… uh, met like… I don’t know, two-ish weeks ago?”

His jaw goes slack. The sudden silence from someone who seemed so keen on talking until he’d hit every word in the dictionary was a little unnerving. The slack jaw and wide eyes don’t last long, as his expression changes to one of pure joy. You can hear Marco groan, so you know he’s at least watching this unfold.

“Seriously?” Shanks questions, looking back at Marco.

“Shanks-.” Marco starts, but the man is already looking back at you.

“It took me three months,” he starts, holding one of your hands almost reverently. “Just to get him to let me call him by his first name. Three months! I had to bribe his clinic staff to get him to leave the hospital, well, beg, they’re a sweet lot, berries weren’t really effective. He pays too well. But this - forgive me Miss, he’s just such a-hurk!”

Shanks is pulled backward, leaning precariously over the floor, his butt barely on the booth’s cushion, Marco leaning over him. You didn’t notice Marco get up, and apparently neither had Shanks.

“It was nice seeing you, Shanks.” Marco’s words are even, but his tone is a little sharp.

“Yeah, you too.” Shanks replies, grinning widely before looking at you. “It was a pleasure, Miss.”

“Uh, yeah.” You agree, watching with some amusement as Shanks carefully removes himself from the booth and Marco’s grip.

He smooths his shirt, steps toward the table enough to grab his drink, and raises it to you in a quick farewell before giving Marco a wink and walking back over to the bar. Marco sighs so heavy you pat your side of the booth and get him to sit down beside you.

“Sorry about that.” He says as you turn toward him in the booth and take one of his hands into both of yours.

“I should apologize,” you insist. “I didn’t mean to give him an easy in like that.”

“He’s like a cat, yoi.” Marco asserts, giving you a soft smile. “He tends to go where he pleases, as he pleases. There wasn’t much either of us could’ve done. I don’t see Beck around either, so that makes it even harder to rein him in.”

He sighs one more time, putting his face against his free hand for a second. “I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret.” He grumbles, rubbing his hand over his face before looking over at you. You tilt your head, you aren’t sure which part of Shanks’ whirlwind of words he was talking about. “The party. I was getting ready to invite you, if you wanted to come, yoi.”

“I would love to, when is it?”

“The party is two weeks from today.” He says, the easy smile returning to his face. “But my birthday is the 5th.”

“Then… we… could do something?” You question hesitantly, watching his expression soften. “Thursday’s not the best day for a date, but, I’d like to at least see you.”

“Every day I get to see you is a best day.” Marco says, and you lean forward and set your head against his shoulder.

“That was so corny.” You groan, trying to suppress a laugh.

“And yet you liked it.” He muses, leaning over and kissing the top of your head.

“I absolutely did not,” you lie, looking up at him, despite the embarrassment you’re sure is still scrawled across your face.

“Ah, here comes the waitress, you know what you want to eat?”

“You.” You answer shortly, causing him to cough.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Do-Over-December 18th. Public Sex. "Passionately And Publicly Indecent." Doc Halloran X FEM! AFAB! Reader.

This is the first Doc Halloran thing I ever wrote and coming back to it and cleaning it up was super fun honestly! I still stand by the ending! I hope you all enjoy the updated version. We go on with Kinky December.

—

Rating. Explicit. Length. 5.2K. (Old Length. 4.9K) Warnings. Making Out. Grinding. Thigh Riding. Dirty Talk. Gloves. Older Men. Possessiveness. A Little Jealousy. Vaginal Fingering. Vaginal Sex. Riding. Public Sex Obviously. Praise. Mild Dirty Talk. Reader’s First Time. Voyurism. 

—

He hadn’t even meant to find you, but he was so grateful that he did. 

Doc Halloran has always felt bad that he didn’t do more on Leslie’s first ‘outing’, that he didn’t save more people and how close a call it was with Taylor, if she hadn’t made it then he didn’t think he could ever forgive himself. 

Thus far he was pretty spot on, he had predicted that Leslie was planning his next spree, and it seemed like that was going to happen soon, and so finding you was amazing. He had figured out that Leslie had hand-picked you to be his next survivor girl.

It was sheer luck, really. It truly ended up being a thing of the right place, right time. He saw how Leslie had looked at you when he was following him one afternoon, and it clicked. He thought long and hard about what to do. The work he did was important, but it was still a lot for just him, maybe if he told you it would help. He came to the conclusion there was only one thing he could do morally, for your protection of course, he approached you and told you of Leslie’s plans for you. 

You had heard of Leslie Vernon, of course, how could you not? But you never saw him obviously, and hearing that he had chosen you as his current fixation, well it was a little hard to believe at first. But Doc had spoken with such conviction and seemed to know much more about this situation that you came around. So you agreed to help him, mostly because it was the right thing to do, and your life was in danger and all of that.

Plus there was that other little thing too. 

You may have had a thing for him, or a thing for older guys in general but him in particular. How could you not, though? He was caring and concerned and knowledgeable and wanted to protect you, was invested in you. So you went along with it happily. 

You would meet up, and you’d learned a lot about the terminology, which you picked up quickly. Leslie was the slasher who was after you, the survivor or final girl and Doc, the Ahab, tried to stop him. Most of the talk up until now had been theoretical, but now it was time for more than that. 

Doc had told you that Leslie was going to get up to something tonight, some serious prep, it was supposed to be the first meeting with you, a large step that signalled how close the big night was and how quickly it was coming up. 

You had never met Leslie obviously and to say you were nervous was kind of an understatement. You inquired what Doc needed from you, and he said this meeting was important, ultimately he said his being there was important. He wanted both of you to be there first, he wanted to oversee what was going to happen, and the idea of having him right there made you much more comfortable. So the plan was made, you were worried about Leslie knowing about this, about you two meeting up and trying to get there earlier, but Doc reassured you, he said he knew him and his patterns well and that it would be fine. 

He picked you up and the two of you ended up near where the meeting spot would be. Parallel parked on a road near downtown, a side street you knew intimately. Typically, on a night like tonight you did a part-time shift at this bookstore and Doc figured that Leslie would push the meeting when you walked home on this road after work was over. You made it work, so you were off tonight just for this. 

You are fidgeting nervously in your seat as you ask, “Are you sure it’ll be okay?”

Doc looks into the rearview mirror for a moment at you before he responds, “Of course. I’m here, I’ve dealt with him before. Besides, he is much more careful about moving around in public after what happened. People are aware of him now.”

It made sense. It did put you at ease a little. You shift in your seat again, unable to get comfortable, you were sure he could tell you were uneasy, and also, you were so close to him. 

You had developed feelings for him over the past few weeks, he was serious about this and making sure you were going to be okay, it was thankless work, but you appreciated what he was doing. Furthermore, you thought he had similar feelings. Could swear you caught him looking, his touch lingers a bit too long, you may have tested that at points, “accidentally” brushing yourself against him, showing a hint more skin than usual. 

It was a cooler fall night, and you were in a skirt that wasn’t exactly weather appropriate sitting well above knee height, higher still as you were seated in his car. 

You were in the backseat, behind the passenger's side, and he was still up front in the driver’s seat. He was looking out the windshield again, paying attention, looking around, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

You broke the silence, “I really appreciate what you are doing.”

You reached out. Your hand on his shoulder and he looked over to you. Something unreadable in his eyes, a pause, before he said quietly, “Thank you.”

It sounded very sincere. People must not say that to him much, it was almost like he didn’t know how to take what you said. You squeezed his shoulder once and looked away as you asked, “Can you sit back here with me?”

He thought for only a moment before doing so, getting into the back seat with you without saying anything, he knew this was a scary thing, seeming to understand that you needed some comfort, to not feel alone. You felt bold. You took his hand and the leather glove on his hand felt warm and well-worn, eyes down on your joined hands as you said, “Thanks again.”

You looked up into his eyes and he seemed a little nervous himself, probably not anticipating your sudden contact from grabbing his hand. He was looking back at you as he muttered, “No problem.”

It was very fucking tense right now. 

You loved being this near to him, you wanted to be closer, you wanted more, hell you were close enough to smell his cologne. You thought of why you were here and what was to come and who knows how it would all work out, not necessarily tonight but soon, on that big night, who’s to say if you or he would make it out alive. That thought pushed you along, your hand that wasn’t holding his, reached out and gripped one of the lapels on his jacket, and you pulled him closer to you and kissed him.

To say he was shocked was a bit of an understatement. He certainly didn’t mean for that sound to slip out, but he quickly stifled it, his hand pulled away from yours and came to your face, he let himself go for a moment, kissing you back. 

You made it easy to get lost in this, and normally he was so busy, totally consumed with his work, that he hadn’t pursued anyone in a long time. I mean, his divorce was years ago, and he hadn’t even given much thought to trying dating or anything of the sort. He couldn’t lie to himself though, since you came around his mind had been turning to those thoughts more often with you, even if it wasn’t necessarily right. 

You could hardly believe you were really doing this, from this alone you felt your heart beating harder. Fuck, your mouth felt good on his, you slotted together in a way that felt right.

But he shouldn’t be doing this, he was supposed to be caring for and protecting you, Hell you two were on serious business tonight, he should put a stop to this. He pulled away, his hand on your cheek and your hand was on his wrist again, not wanting his touch to leave, and you were looking up at him, “Wh-why’d you stop?”

A quick pass of his tongue over his lips, he tried to make his gaze harder and steady his voice as he said, “We shouldn’t.”

You wanted to pout. You gripped his jacket and tugged a little, shifting in your seat, scooting closer to him. “Why not?”

He seemed like he wanted to, fuck, you were SURE he wanted to. He looked like he wanted to reach out and touch you and kiss you and so much more. 

The response left him quickly, “It isn’t right.”

Of course. Always so morally superior, but you didn’t care about any of that. How much older he was than you or the nature of your relationship, power imbalance or whatever, it wasn’t important to you. He was good to you and cared and was very fucking attractive. You had him right here, and again, who knows what could happen to you two? You had to convince him.

Not only that, but you have to fight off the urge to squirm as you implore, “Doc, please?”

An idea. You hoped it would work out. With your hand gripping his wrist, you pulled his hand, sliding it off your cheek. You pressed a kiss to his leather clad thumb before carefully running your tongue over it, you noticed that made his breath catch. You bit your lip before smiling indulgently, closer still, practically pressed to him and whispering that request again, “Please?”

His thumb traced over your bottom lip, and you swear you could see his resolve break in his eyes and he pulled you to him this time, mouth crashing into yours. You practically moaned into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed, and kissing him deeply in return. You were still worried you might scare him off, you needed so much more, you had thought of getting to do this so many times. Thought of him alone in your bed while fingers explored yourself and wondered how much better his hands would feel on you. You needed to seal the deal, make sure you really had him. 

His hands were both on you now, one on the back of your neck and the other had slipped down your back and was resting on your waist, and you were getting turned on so fucking fast. You pulled closer, your other hand fisted in his jacket now, straddling his thigh as you two made out, you couldn’t help yourself, you loved finally getting this chance. He seemed just as into it as you were.

You shifted your hips and held back a gasp.

Oh, that was good. You moved the same way again and yeah that was fantastic.

You couldn’t stop yourself. It felt too nice. Grinding on him, fuck it felt incredible. You wanted so much more, and you vocalized it, hands gripping the lapels of his jacket, and you asked, breathless- “Please? D-Doc I need more, can you…?"  -you couldn’t say it. 

Couldn’t finish the thought, but you didn’t need to. He knew what you needed, and he nodded, the gloved hand came up off your waist and while he was looking into your eyes he bit the end of the middle finger of his leather glove. Starting to pull it off, and that was a hot image, but you wanted something else, you quickly scrambled saying- “WAIT! I…I uh…”

He looked questioningly at you, pausing, taking off his glove as he said, "Yes?" 

You swallowed hard, looking away as you said so quietly, shit, were you really about to ask for this? You had to, you wanted it terribly, "Can…Can you uh…Leave them on?…”

You felt those leather clad fingers on your cheek slide down, gripping your chin he made you turn back to face him, looking him in the eyes again, there was something so hot about that look in his eyes as he said, “I can do that, my child.”

Okay, that shouldn’t have been as hot as it was to you. Maybe it was just the tone with which he said it, but you didn’t have any time to linger on that as his mouth was back on yours. 

You kissed him and his hand slipped down, the backs of his knuckles traced lightly down your neck and over your chest, and you shivered in his grip and his hand finally came to rest between your thighs. With how you were seated on his thigh, your already short skirt was hiked up so high, he could touch you so easily. His fingers brushed over you, and you let out a quiet gasp, he took his time, as much as you might have wanted him to rush there was no way that he would. Teasing passes of his fingers over your clothed cunt before focusing in on your clit, even through your panties, it was intense. 

Pressure increased slowly, between his fingers and his mouth you were burning all over, you pressed closer into his hand, rocking into his touch, craving even more. You were breathless as you two kissed, emboldened further your tongue ran over his bottom lip before pulling away, a particularly good pass of his fingers making you moan. 

“More?” He asked as he leaned in again, mouth on your neck, and you nodded furiously with a whine, “Ple-please!”

He gave you just what you needed, fingers hooked in the sodden fabric covering you and tugged it aside, he touched you again, the texture of the leather felt so damn good as two of his fingers ran through your folds. You were wrecked already, and he hadn’t even done that much. He rubbed circles over your clit as his mouth nipped at your neck, and you tugged on the lapels of his jacket, it was almost too much to handle. 

He made a promise to you then in the growing heat of his car, words passed from him to you in the dark, “I’m going to take such good care of you.”

You let out another moan from his admission, as well as the feeling from those same two fingers pushing inside of you. That right there is part of why you liked this so much. He was older and more experienced, and you were just so not, he could take the lead and show you the ropes, you loved that. You couldn’t help it, you ground down on his fingers as you begged, “Ye-yes please, show me-ah! Everything-”

The last word came out like a sigh, as his fingers started to slowly move in and out of you, palm pressed just right, grinding on your clit, he had kissed up your neck and whispered in your ear, “Poor thing, you don’t know anything, do you?”

Fucking hell, you were on fire for him. I mean, you went from doing essentially nothing with no one, other than yourself, to now getting finger fucked in the back seat of Doc’s car. Oh shit, that is right, you were in his car. It was late enough no one was around, but the chance that someone wouldn’t see wasn’t exactly zero. His fingers curled and touched something inside of you that made your legs jerk and made you moan again and almost immediately forget where you were, he kept talking which also helped distract you.

“You need me to teach you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. 

You nodded again, hips grinding again with a whimper, if he kept this up you would cum on his gloved hand. 

“Say it.” He said it firmly. Oh, God. His fingers stilled for a moment, and you wanted to whine and pout, but instead you responded, shakily, “Yes.”

“Yes, what?” He asked, leading you further. 

Fucking Hell, could he ease up even a little bit? He had pulled back and looked in your eyes, making you say, breathing still so uneven, “P-please, Doc. I-I need you-”

He looked pleased, a sudden thrust of his fingers made you cry out, making you unable to finish your thought, but he was satisfied with your answer even if it was cut a little short. He couldn’t hold back, a light chuckle before he ground his palm over your clit and curled his fingers in you again. “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you.”

Nothing sounded better.

He didn’t stop now. He kissed you, one hand ending up under your shirt, you shrugged off your own jacket, it was far too hot for it now, and his other hand kept going, touching you just right. Why hadn’t you pushed for this sooner? If you knew it could be like this, be this good, you would have come onto him weeks ago. He kept going until you were unable to hold back, fingers inside of you and palm to your clit, the tension became too much, the pleasure built and finally the dam bursts. You fall apart as you ended up coming on him with a cry of his name. It felt fucking incredible, you let it sweep over you completely, thighs trembling. 

You were panting as you came down, and his fingers slowed, a softer kiss pressed to your lips, and you returned it, still trying to catch your breath, “My God-”

A pleased hum from him as his fingers left you, and you adjusted, fully straddling his lap now, you brushed against him and yeah he was obviously just as excited as you were. Your fingers closed around his tie, and you grabbed hold, using it to pull him close again, you felt so good. Ample warmth running through you and still very excited, you wanted more already as your mouth met his again. You moved your hips and rubbed against him and felt him tense under you and both of his hands were now on your hips, he helped move you. 

You were still so sensitive and again kind of unsure again about if what you were doing was right, but with his hands on you, helping guide you, made you more confident. It was almost like he could sense your mind working, and he broke away from you, uttering, “That’s good.”

That helped your confidence as well. You moved feeling a little more sure of yourself, the strained sound that left him made you clench on nothing, it made you want, you wanted to feel him inside of you and wanted to hear him more. 

You never expected your first time to be in the back seat of a car, well at least not once you got involved with Doc Halloran but to be honest the location didn’t matter much, again, it was hot. Not only that, but you shouldn’t be doing this in such a public setting but the fact that you both wanted each other so badly that it didn’t matter was making your situation even worse, you loved it. You were learning a lot about yourself tonight, you didn’t realize you were into that, but if how much you were leaking was any indication you were very into it. You decided to take some initiative, you pulled back a little and your hands came down and started unbuckling his belt. 

Fuck, when you could finally reach him he felt this hard and so warm too. You held him in the palm of your hand and stroked experimentally, he helped you with that too, he was encouraging. Still pressed so close together as he told you what to do, and that got you much hotter too, him telling you just what he wanted from you. 

What he said got to you badly, heated in between more kisses, encouragement and praise mixed with his instruction, “Harder-yes like that.”

You watched with rapt interest as he loosened his tie, shifting under your touch, his own breathing harder, “Twist your wrist-”

A rushed question, excitement permeating your tone, “Like this?”

You did as asked and the groan it pulled from him, eyes practically rolling back with a nod,“Yes-God yes.”

How could you possibly take it without wanting more? You were the one trying to rush this, you just needed him desperately, you shifted and brushed him against your soaked folds and his hands on your waist squeezed, stopping you, he was looking at you again, “Are you sure?”

So concerned again, you nodded, and he still seemed hesitant, and before he could speak again you decided to. He was an intelligent and logical man, why not use some of your own. You were still so hot and bothered, but if you wanted any real relief, wanted what you were really craving, then you had to sell this. “Doc-I want this so much an-and not just for the reason you think.”

He seemed interested so far and you kept going, “Leslie wants me because of uh-” You glanced down momentarily, trying to get your point across and then continued,“-of um that ‘quality.’ So what if…”

He finished your thought, saying out loud, “What if you weren’t.”

He was a smart man, he caught on easily to just what you meant, he already wanted you so much, and he hadn’t needed much convincing, but when you presented such a persuasive argument you had given him basically no choice. 

It was about survival, really.

If one of the prerequisites for being a final girl for Leslie was being a virgin, if you weren’t one any more, then wouldn’t you be safe and throw a wrench in his plans?

You were really about to get fucked like it was going to save your life. And to be fair, it just might. 

Despite the energy and how much it was wanted by both of you, he was still careful. You had your arms around his neck, and his hands still on your waist, he guided you again, lowering you down onto him. You felt so at ease with him, so relaxed and thankful from how he fingered you from before it wasn’t painful, however it did take some adjusting, you weren’t used to the feeling. Again, he helped, the words making him glide even easier inside of you as he confesses, “You feel incredible.”

You were gripping the back of his jacket, he let you take it at your own pace, letting you sit with him fully sheathed inside of you and waited, hands still at your waist, he kissed over your cheek and whispered in your ear, “You’re doing so good for me.”

That made you want to do even better. You moved up slowly and came back down, drawing a groan from him, you DID feel amazingly good, and were very hot in his lap, this might be a bit of a struggle for him to hold on. You took your time, riding him slowly as you got acquainted with the feeling. Soon it was feeling much better, gasping, soft moans and sighs falling from your lips, “D-Doc, yes-”

You needed more of his hands on you, and almost like he knew he was pulling your shirt up, leather clad dragging over the newly exposed skin, greedily touching you, and you wanted to shiver from the feeling. “My God.”

Hands holding on harder, moving more forcefully, breathing becoming faster, you pleaded with him,“He-help, please?”

Help he did. He started to move with you, meeting you in the middle, thrusting up from below as you came down, and that had you crying out for him. You were pressed so close you were getting that much-needed friction on your aching clit and if you both kept up this pace you would find your end again easily. 

“Doc, yes!” You were getting close, your rhythm was becoming uneven, hard to keep up the pace, thighs burning, and he helped further, holding you firmer and taking more control, rocking up into you. He wanted you so badly to cum at least one more time before he allowed himself to, face buried in the crook of your neck as he fucked you.

“C’mon, do it.”

And you did. Fucking Hell, if you knew it felt THIS good to cum while stuffed full to the brim, you would have experimented with penetration so much sooner. Moaning his name as you found your release, your legs were useless by this point, good thing he had fully taken over, fucking you through your high, hands still holding onto you. It took almost all the will power he had not to spill inside of you during your orgasm, but he somehow made it through and when he was sure you were finished he pulled out, gloved hand gripping himself and with a few strokes he came over your bare stomach with a shudder and a groan. 

You leaned back after you caught your breath, hands on his shoulders, you were impressed to say the bare minimum, if this was your first time then you were excited to see how much better it could get. It was quiet while you both caught your breath, you weren’t even sure what to say, so you didn’t say anything. 

You kissed him instead, much softer and sweeter, and it was returned in kind. Your fingers in his soft hair, lips sliding over his, it felt so damn right. You broke the kiss and pressed your foreheads together, just enjoying the closeness. 

Until it was just a little too uncomfortable. You pulled back and spoke up, “Mind getting the window?”

“Hmm? Oh, of course.” It was a little stuffy and hot in here, he looked over, reached down, he rolled the window down the rest of the way, it had been about halfway so it wasn’t that as bad as it could have been. But the extra fresh air was still needed. 

You were about to lean in and kiss him again, when instead you heard something that nearly made you jump out of your skin.

“Well hey there.” Your head whipped around to the now open window, heart was pounding and yeah you weren’t alone. “Jesus Christ, Leslie?”

Oh? Oh, God.

Yeah, you two might have lost track of time, you grabbed your jacket and covered up as best you could, tugging your shirt down, reminded of the cooling cum on your skin, you’d need to wash this shirt. 

“What’s up, Doc?” Leslie seemed amused by his own joke, Doc on the other hand seemed less than impressed, “Seems like you are having a good night.”

Doc cleared his throat and yeah he looked pretty displeased. Leslie spoke again, “Awe, c’mon aren’t you gonna introduce me to your uh, friend?”

Leslie seemed unbothered by Doc’s mood and asked it with a cock of his head. A roll of his eyes and Doc sighed, hand running over his face, clearly exasperated. “I know you already know her. But fine, Leslie, this is-” And he gave over your name, causing Leslie to turn to look into your eyes, a wave that was much too friendly as he greeted you, repeating your name with an enthusiastic, “Hi.” 

You swallowed thickly, okay yeah you understood why Leslie was so dangerous. His smile and overall demeanour, you could see the appeal clearly, if he got to you before Doc, who knows what might have happened?

“Hi.” You replied, with a small wave of your own, holding your jacket closer, and you felt incredibly exposed right now, but it was understandably that you felt that way. You could feel Doc hold onto you harder, you glanced at him and oh God, he was jealous? Why did you kinda like that thought?

“You were watching us?” Doc accused. 

Leslie was leaning on the window frame now, resting on his forearms, that damn smile as he said,“Well shit Doc, if you didn’t want someone to watch why were you doing it in public?”

He made a compelling point. You two weren’t exactly subtle about this. A glance at him out of the corner of your eye and yeah, Doc was pissed by this point, “It wasn’t an invitation!-I can’t believe you, this is too much even for you!”

“Oohoho your tone right now!” Leslie fired back with a laugh and a wide grin and Doc scoffed as he responded, “MY tone?!”

“Yeah Doc-” He was leaning forward more, purposefully taunting him, it’s like he was looking to get smacked, “It’s awfully judgmental, I mean look Doc, all I’m saying is one of us is out here defiling virgins in public on a school night, and it isn’t me-” 

Doc bitterly cut in, “For once.”

That made you had to stifle a laugh at that, Jesus, is this what it was like when they got together? Interesting dynamic to say the least. There was a pause at that, a beat before Doc spoke up again, seemingly just realizing something, “So you’re not angry.”

A more statement than a question even though it was kind of one. 

“Why would I be?” Leslie asked, a brief look to you and his brows furrowing for a second before realizing what Doc was thinking, and he laughed, “Oh, you think she’s the one?!”

“She isn’t?!” Doc sounded taken aback and quite shocked, you were too. Leslie was still laughing as he continued, “No! I was considering her but right around when you caught on I found a much better candidate, and obviously I was right to switch-”

Leslie looked you over as he kept going, “-but I had the thought that if I let you think she was, that it could be really fun. And as per usual, I was right!”

Leslie clapped Doc on the shoulder once, making him jump with a little grimace, before Leslie pushed back off the window with another laugh and said, “Anyway, have a good night you two.”

Mood sufficiently killed, Doc seemingly not knowing how to react to any of this information, you didn’t know how to either really. Doc had warned you that Leslie was always seemingly a couple of steps ahead and was excellent at planning and predicting things but going this far? Jesus. Playing the part and convincing Doc that you were going to be it, the whole plan around you, while it was really never about you. Just to fuck with Doc. If he went this far for a bit, how far did he go for his actual work?

Leslie’s voice comes through the open window again, “Oh! And Doc one more thing.”

A heavy sigh from him, he took a moment, before asking, “What is it, Leslie?”

He was leaning his hand against the roof of the car as he said, “Just a note. Really it was good, very hot-but I just gotta say now that you two are going this far you gotta cut it out with the ‘my child’ stuff. Makes it way harder for me to finish like that.”

You couldn’t hold your laugh back this time. What did you get yourself into?

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[meichenxi]

ATTENTION: MXTX BOOKS ACQUIRED!!!!!

!!!! yes!!!!! you heard that correctly!!!!!  I now have copies of TGCF and MDZS in traditional chinese, vertically laid out, plus a whole bunch of other books!!

(I have just returned from taiwan; it was by far not my only purpose in going, but I also decided to stay four days extra at the end after my friend had left just so I could go a-hunting.)

I am. so unbelievably excited. and especially because, with never having a) looked at these books in chinese, b) never having read anything beyond a few lines in traditional, and c) never having read vertical formatting, they are....readable? not with a dictionary on kindle or pleco like I’ve done before to make sense of things, but readable cover-to-cover without a dictionary at all. 

that is a HUGE step for me. reading has always been a bit of a mental block and with the traditional especially and the formatting I was very much expecting it to be a strugglebus situation and don’t get me wrong, it requires a good fucking deal of mental concentration and yes, I do occasionally run my finger down the page to not lose my place like an old person, but...I’m reading them

in the last four? three? days, I’ve read, as of right now, 68 pages of tgcf volume one consecutively (as in, just from the beginning) and over 90 pages in total (+ the pages I read for the scenes I like and skipped to). and it’s so FUNNY!!! I had honestly forgotten. I’m laughing out loud at points!! I read extremely quickly in english, and also have a terrible memory, which combines into flying through books and never having any idea what happened in them - reading more slowly I feel like I can enjoy what is going on more, and appreciate just honestly how funny the writing is. it’s hilarious. xie lian is such a moron (affectionate). ‘next time, if you have to throw something, throw me and not the food, ok?’ what a loser!!!! what a guy!!!!! 

so, 68 pages in, now for an honest appraisal of where I’m at.

first, formatting. 

 the vertical layout - look, going to be honest, I kind of hate it. I’m not used to looking up and down and feel like I’m bobbing my head, and it makes scanning a line more time-consuming. on the other hand, I can feel a massive increase in speed and comfort from even when I started three or four days ago, so I think it’s a matter of practice. I noticed also that when I went to the bookstore I still have the completely hilarious and useless habit of tilting my head to look at the books. the titles of which are written vertically. 

second, traditional. 

I am reading a lot slower than I do in simplified and horizontal laid-out texts, which is not surprising. the traditional is the biggest stumbling block definitely - but it’s not as big actually as I would have thought. I’ve been picking up frequent very different characters with two or three repetitions; not enough to internalise them and read them as seamlessly as in simplified chinese, but enough to look at them, even when it’s a little jarring, and go ‘oh, that means this’ in my head. I have found that I tend to subvocalise more with a) the increase in very different traditional characters, and b) the difficulty of the text. when there are simple conversations or directions I don’t subvocalise at all, which I consider generally speaking to be a good thing as it improves your speed of reading. when there’s a lot of mid-frequency fairly different characters (i.e. ones that I have picked up in these few days but aren’t common enough to be every two lines, and that I still very much have to think about), I subvocalise a LOT. when the characters are ones that I think I probably don’t know in either traditional or simplified, or there are a lot of very confusing descriptions, I don’t subvocalise at all, even if I could by phonetic components. I just - vibe. which brings me onto the next part. 

reading traditional - the brain feeling. 

I CANNOT describe how strange it is to read traditional and how wonderful an organ the brain is. it honestly feels like magic. if you’re still reading at this point and I’m not just shouting into the void, you probably know that I can’t handwrite in chinese to save my life - what that means practically for character recognition is that you could ask me to name the components of a character I see 100000 times a day and I couldn’t do it. it’s all subconscious. I have NO memory or understanding of what radicals are used where at the best of times in simplified chinese, and it’s all done via The Vibe. 

this is EVEN stronger in traditional chinese. I have not really ever deliberately learnt or consumed any media in traditional apart from a few characters you commonly see written or appeared when I have done a little bit of Classical chinese, like 馬，為，無 etc. I also got up to about halfway through the hsk1 course on skritter for a while on one of my endless attempts to learn how to write - so that gave me characters like 歡，對，甚麼 and so forth. in total that’s....still not that much. the VIBES I get when reading, though - incredible!!!!! I see these characters (not just ones with components that are predictable in traditional forms, but fairly or very different ones) that I have no memory of ever seeing before in my life and go, oh, that feels vaguely like this one. and then I look it up and I’m right. 

some of these are things of course are not objectively difficult - if you know the two components, you can go, oh, those are the two traditional versions of the components and so stuck together is the traditional character. but since I don’t consciously know the component parts off the top of my head of more than about 12 simplified characters (rip), this feels like utter magic. I have also been guessing quite a lot based on context and radicals.

I also know I probably HAVE seen some of these characters before at some point, I just don’t remember. nevertheless. it feels amazing, especially with the ones that are not predictable and are totally different. it’s a very bizarre experience. the coolest part though is the ability to remember new characters without looking them up or ‘learning’ them - a large majority of the traditional characters I can know recognise have genuinely been learnt over the last three days. if I see them for a second or third time - they’re mine now. and that is very cool and comes with practice and NOT anything innate blah blah because when I first started, I remember looking at characters over 20 times and still not being able to remember if I had even SEEN them before, let alone what they mean. so that ability has improved a huge amount, and I think reading and learning new words within the context of that book is mostly to thank for that. 

(not really relevant to any of the above, but reading in a foreign language is so interesting, because you really notice the vocabulary the author uses again and again and again more than in your native language. for instance, mxtx is constantly saying 这下. also 莞尔 as a word for smile - xie lian is CONSTANTly 莞尔一笑 . those are the two I’ve noticed a lot so far.)

overall then:

there are plenty of individual words I don’t know, but it’s usually clear what they mean in context, and when I know I’m reading a description of someone’s elegant fingers that's all you really need to know. none of it has affected my reading experience enough to make me physically put down the book and open pleco. 

I haven’t needed the dictionary for anything so far that I can’t get from context or memory of what happens. this means that I am Reading It Reading It, as opposed to Pleco Reading It or Kindle Reading It. which feels like a huuuuuuuuge milestone and difference and you know,,,honestly tearing up a little bit!!!!! because it’s so cool and I never thought I’d get here!!!!!! 

----

with all of that in mind, my plan for reading these is just...go from cover to cover with the first volume of tgcf, but let myself - since I know the story - jump around to read and re-read the bits I like reading. I want to get at least through the first two books of tgcf before I try to tackle any of the other books that I have bought. I’m not stopping to learn vocab really without the dictionary as most of it hasn’t been necessary so far and would interrupt the reading flow, but sometimes if there is a word I have seen 238290 times I will. I have only done this a few times, however, so I think for pulling vocab from this book I will have to do it separately - i.e. choose a passage I like and write down all the vaguely useful / fun words I don’t know. 

I have also got mdzs. now. the thing here is that...I love tgcf, but I’m not as precious about it as I am about mdzs. I have also NEVER read mdzs in translation because I have hated all of them so much, so I want the first time I read it to be as smooth as I possibly can, and to get as much impact and beauty and *shakes fist* as I possibly can. so...I might put it off for a while, maybe another 6 months or so whilst I improve my reading and traditional recognition skills. we’ll see. I don’t want to dip into it in the same way, and I feel like I want to use tgcf as training wheels first. we will see!

updates soon!!! big excite!!!!!!

[spaceorphan18]

Sorry if this is presumptuous, but have you considered finding a new job? This one is impacting your mental health in a really negative way and it doesn't seem to be getting better (at least not long term). Obviously you shouldn't quit, but if I were you, I'd be looking at other options.

Answering under a cut, just because it's personal, and easier to skip this way.

Okay, so I get it, and I do believe you're coming from a good place, Nonny. it's not an easy thing to watch someone you don't know constantly be negative about their life on the internet -- especially when there seem to be better options out there. I remember when I first joined fandom, I followed someone who just downward spiraled into a messy divorce and it was painful to watch and listen to. And you're just screaming -- just change x, y, or z - but it isn't always as simple as that.

Believe it or not - I actually love my job. I love running a bookstore, and it's my ultimate dream to run my own store someday. And being in the position that I'm in is a stepping stone towards being where I want to be. It is a temporary thing -- even if it'll take a few years, but I have to go through this.

My boss is difficult, but she's not the worst -- she's not even the worst boss I've had while working for the company. My anxiety comes more so from having issues in dealing with confrontation, issues with lack of self confidence, and needing to stand up for myself more than it is with her specifically. Are we ever going to be bff? No, we're not. But I will come out on the other end of this being a much better boss myself after learning from her.

I've had anxiety and mental health issues long before I got this promotion. I've had severe social anxiety (and a plethora of trauma resulting) ever since I was a child. I have a hard time navigating social situations no matter what it is.

There's a real possibility that there are other medical things going on. I've been going to the doctor frequently so we can make sure I'm on the right meds. And one thing that I do need to actually do is find a good therapist.

(I do agree -- one should get out of seemingly toxic situations, and probably on the outside, this feels toxic, I'm sure. But there's also a lot of this that's in my head.)

There are other things going on in my life that I'm also not really talking about -- my last grandparent is in the process of dying of cancer, and it's not fun. My brother is still in jail, and I haven't seen my nieces in five years. The world around us seems to be burning to the ground and half of humanity just does not care. It's easier to pile on one thing than get into the complexities of it.

I realize that putting out my issues into a public space seems like a cry for attention or something, but that's not why I do it. honestly. Tumblr has become a kind of safe space to put my thoughts where I can easily access them -- and it is a way to let the small group of people who know me more personally check in. It's honestly kind of therapeutic to write things out because it helps kind of work through what's going on. Also, the reason I put tags on it and put it under a cut is so the average joe follower (or the occasional pornbot who's now invested in the blog, can skip it if they like).

(And I'll reiterate, I do need to find another therapist at some point this year. What's stopping you? Oh, the social anxiety, definitely.)

Also, sometimes taking a nap, eating, taking care of yourself on a fundamental level, cleaning your space, and getting warmth and sunshine are all helpful, too.

Thank you, Nonny, this was rather therapeutic. :)

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Hi, I just saw your post about having an internal emotional hole and i think I can relate to that. ❤️ I was wondering if you had tried doing something charitable such as volunteering to help others? I found that helped a lot with feeling like my life had a purpose again after going through depression.

You already do amazing work with sharing poems and photos from your rare books, btw. ❤️ Maybe you could extend to doing something hands on, volunteer for a couple of days a month at a local community group/hospital etc, or there are things you can do from home such as sewing (I make things for sewing for charity Australia for example). Donating blood is another option.

I just found that anything I could do to help other people started adding to a kind of running tally of self-worth in my head... it really helped me get back on my feet, and out of my own head and circling thoughts, after a traumatic upbringing and I wanted to share it, I hope you don't mind.

I hope you're doing okay and thank you again for all the things you share! ❤️

(I wrote a whole reply and then tumblr deleted it so I’m sorry if this response doesn’t make sense. I’ll try hard to rewrite it though aha 💕)

Thank you for popping it! ☺️💕

I’m sorry that is something you also struggle with :( I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. I truly hope things get a bit easier for you or you find somethings that fill it or make it hurt less. 💕

I would really like to get to the point where I can volunteer. And I’ve tried to get into it with my rehabilitation worker but it never worked out. To put it bluntly I think I’m just too weak willed for it. My PTSD makes it really hard, which is so silly, but I just get these feelings and thoughts of being trapped and stuck in a place or situation with homophobic people where I can’t run away, or if I do run away BAM I’ll be proving them right and they’ll all say stuff about me. Which isn’t logical lol.

There was two places I tried doing volunteer work at. They were both second hand bookstores. There was one and I can normally go in there by myself fine (because I can just up and leave when I need to) but trying to volunteer there was different. I looked up their Instagram page to see who followed them and interacted with a lot / volunteered there, and a lot of them reminded me of the people I had faced homophobia from and I just started freaking out and feeling trapped and locked in. So it was a no go.

The other one I actually went to with my rehabilitation worker (and again I can go into it fine by myself for shopping purposes lol) but I also started feeling trapped and locked in and worried and fearful so we just ended up sitting in park. Tried again and this time was able to walk around the store but I freaked out when the suggestion of volunteer work came up.

It probably sounds strange but along side my stupid PTSD that honestly gets set off so easily at the smallest whiff of sexuality lol, I have a real fear of being locked into something. I genuinely feel like I’m never rarely allowed to say no or walk away from things, which means I want to be 100% sure before I commit. Which is fully unrealistic. But I feel walking away makes me a bad person so I’m not allowed to. It’s why I struggle with people so much as well. Because I’ve been stuck in situations in the past where I wanted to walk away but felt I would be abusive if I did. I eventually crack and do it but it takes way too long. So I get really nervous about getting close to people or committing to things. Simply on the basis that I’m worried I’ll be a “bad person” and not be comfortable lol.

There is another place I’ve looked at for volunteering, but the same issues arise around the fear of my sexuality (which I know probably sounds silly because no one has to know if I don’t tell them, but honestly PTSD isn’t rational ) and being locked in make it hard to take that step. It’s also like an hour and half away so I don’t think my energy levels could handle that.

It probably just sounds like I’m making a heap of excuses though. I mean maybe I am I don’t know lolol.

It REALLY want to get to the point where I can work or volunteer though. Having that structure and being able to contribute and feel a sense of sameness to those around me would be amazing. I guess it might just take a while lol.

I would also love to donate blood but my weight prevents me from being eligible.

That’s definitely part of the reason I put book reviews up here and upload those photos. I figured it’s something I can do it. And it seems to at least make a few people happy so it’s definitely worth it!! And I try t donate to charities when I can. But having something tangible to do one day would be really amazing.

I’m so glad volunteer work was something so helpful for you ☺️💕 and that’s amazing that you did that for Australia!! Thank you 💕💕

Thank you so much for reaching out with such kindness and wonderful advice. And thank you for sharing your story - though I’m so sorry it’s something you had to go through 💕💕 you have a beautiful heart and mind and I hope you have an equally beautiful day and do something nice for yourself

Thank you again for popping in ☺️💕💕💕

[cooledtured]

Navigating The Collector’s Dream

Japan, the home of manga and anime as well as many other things. While in the past people didn’t pay much attention to it, now it's become an almost mystical place. People are constantly going there in hopes of exploring the place to see the many beauties it has. However, what people are usually going there for is to visit the many shops available so that they can buy stuff that’s hard to get back where they’re from. And let me warn you now: if your goal is to buy stuff and you haven’t saved up a lot of money, then you should turn back now. Because once you step into this place, your money is as good as gone.

Due to various reasons the Japanese yen is at an all time low. This means that the exchange rate is very good for foreigners. For instance, every one yen equals about 0.0064 usd. To put this into perspective something that costs about 5,000 yen would instead cost $31.82. This however poses a bit of a problem. Why you ask? Well I mean, think about it. Whenever you find an item on sale, aren’t you always more willing to buy it? With the conversion rate every item is basically on sale, making it so you’re likely to buy up lots of things and in turn lose a lot of money. So to help you make sure you get everything you want before that happens, let me give you a few of my recommendations that you can find in Japan’s electric city Akihabara.

Radio Kaikan

One of the biggest places is Radio Kaikan, one of the city’s most iconic places. This is a multi story shopping mall that has all kinds of shops inside of it. Here you’re likely to find tons of things inside of it from many different series. This can range from trading cards (though keep in mind they’re in japanese), to figures, to books, to model kits and even airsoft guns. Honestly you could go here and likely find almost everything you’re looking for.

Mandrake store

If you somehow don’t find everything here though, then you can take a short walk over to the Mandrake store. This is a place similar to Radio Kaikan, however it focuses more on toys so you likely won’t find as many books here. The trade off though is that as a result they also have more older stuff available to them. So for tokusatsu fans who are looking for old mechas and changers, this place would be perfect for you. It also has more miscellaneous stuff in stock making it so you’re likely to find stuff that you never thought you’d find at all.

Second hand shops

And if even Mandrake doesn’t have what you’re looking for, then you should take a look at some of the second hand shops available throughout the city. While you’ll be less likely to find things that aren’t pre owned, the condition that the items are in on is actually very good and almost indistinguishable from being in mint condition. They’ll also allow you to see how the product looks beforehand so you won’t have to worry about being scammed if you don’t like how it looks. 

Hobby Off

One place I highly recommend is Hobby Off, a place that offers not only old toys, but also instruments and even games. So if you ever come to Japan in hopes of collecting more things, then you should go to these three places first as there’s so many shops you’ll likely blow all of your money before finding what you actually want. And if you don’t find what you want, there are still plenty of shops in Akihabara and Japan in general. For example, if you’re someone looking to collect manga then bookstores like Melonbooks are perfect for you. One more piece of advice I’ll give is to take your passport with you when you go shopping. While this might seem dangerous, Japan actually has tax-free stores which will waive the tax should you give them your passport as long as the purchase is at least 5,000 yen. So prepare yourself before going on this journey as if you’re not careful this heavenly trip can quickly turn into financial hell.

Logan Floyd-Mcgee | Writer POP-COOLEDTURED SPECIALIST cooledtured.com |  GROW YOUR COLLECTION

[zucchinibread777books]

Will Grayson, Will Grayson Book Review

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan Book Review

Summary:

Two boys, both named Will Grayson, lead entirely separate yet fairly similar lives. Despite not knowing each other and having different sexualities, the Will’s find themselves struggling with similar problems. Trouble connecting with others has made their lives miserable. When bad situations cause them to meet by chance, could it be the catalyst to personal growth?

SPOILERS AHEAD

The Good:

This novel was 100% targeted towards too-edgy-4-u 2010s teen boys. In that sense I am entirely not the target audience for this. I can see how this could maybe have a good influence on boys like that, in a similar sense to Catcher in the Rye. The novel starts with two boys who hate everyone and judge everything, but who also learn to grow and take chances with expressing feelings and finally appreciate the people in their lives. It had a very rough start, but by the end I did feel like the characters were changing for the better.

I really enjoy when I pick up a book without knowing the plot, and it turns out to be a queer story. As someone who loved John Green as a teen, this was one of the few books of his that I had not read, and I randomly came across it in a used bookstore. I really enjoyed the romance portion of it. Even these characters that are so hateful find fulfillment in those they love. Honestly it may have been the only reason I didn’t give up on this book.

I also appreciated Tiny’s character. While he wasn’t perfect, I thought the depth they gave him towards the end and the reason for his upbeat personality made him a very likeable character. Of course he wasn’t always the greatest friend, which I think we’ll learn nobody really is, but his hard work made him very endearing in my opinion.

The parents were also far more involved than usual in books like this, which was a nice change of pace. They step in, they’re there for the characters when they’re needed, and they do seem to try throughout the story. It’s not often we see good parents in books about such bad kids, because usually the authors think that’s the only reason the kids could be acting out, but this time it felt right.

The Bad:

I’m not sure where to begin to be honest. The fatphobia was rampant throughout this book. While it gets acknowledged a little, the casual fatphobic comments and jokes by the narrators that don’t stop by the end were just painful. It wasn’t used for any real character growth, it was just a reflection of how people thought when this book was written. I’m sure if the authors were to rewrite it today, they’d be horrified at just how many comments they made, but since they haven’t we can only see what they thought at the time. Even when Tiny (the nickname itself being bad enough) acknowledges his weight, it still feels as though the authors are blaming him for the way he is treated throughout the book. It’s sad and very disappointing.

Speaking of reflecting 2010 mindsets…..the text slang. It did not age well. I really wish authors would just stop trying to imitate it because it never feels right. David Levithan also purposefully wrote his Will Grayson’s chapters in the style of texts, which to him means no capitalizations at all. Not character names, not place names, not the beginning of sentences, not even the word “I”. I could appreciate that the only capitalization is used for his big gesture at the end of the novel, but there had to be a better way to separate the two narrators. Even different fonts would have been better. Also please, why mention jerking off so much? It wasn’t even necessary to the plot (I guess it adds to my claim for the target audience but….still).

There was also a lot of casual homophobia that does not translate well to modern day. While it isn’t really from the narrators, there are a lot of characters that say shit and just get away with it. The treatment of Tiny isn’t much better. He is written as an entirely gay stereotype. Flamboyant, loud, promiscuous (at least in terms of how easily he falls in love), and the most major theater kid ever. If it weren’t for how the authors treated everything else I might’ve assumed better intentions, but they did him wrong. In so many ways.

The female characters were also so one-dimensional. It’s a common complaint with John Green’s books to be honest. There were only two girls that the main characters regularly interacted with, and one of them was obsessed with Will and did a really shitty thing, and the other one just existed as a smart romantic interest who falls for the wrong guy first. They were very tropey. I did like Jane but the ex-boyfriend detail made me want to scream. It felt like the authors just needed to make the book longer so they added another unnecessary conflict.

Obligatory men don’t know shit about women quote: “you do realize, don’t you, that when a guy and girl get together, he puts his thing where she urinates and gets her period?” pg 175 (not the same hole buddy)

I’m…torn over how they deal with mental health here. One of the Will Graysons has depression, and Levithan purposefully made it so that it wasn’t just a beginner story, but showed how it is after years of having it. But it feels so hopeless. He takes the meds but doesn’t actually feel better and doesn’t seem to be doing any of the suggestions for dealing with mental health. It felt more like they were showing that meds are useless and you’re never going to feel better. Plus the comments about self harm just take away from the goal even further! The way he talks about his “friend” self-harming just because she needs material for her poetry, it’s disgusting. It’s like “oh goth women can’t be depressed, clearly they’re doing it for the attention while I, a sad white boy, have real issues.” He admits to being bad to her later but, just like the fatphobic comments, does not seem to actually reflect on how shitty he was.

Overall:

I am glad I don’t tend to DNF books, because this one was possibly the worst beginning I’ve seen in a while but I did enjoy the end more. I even cried a bit at the last scene, just because I’m a sucker for unexpected big gestures. That being said, I wouldn’t recommend this for anyone except shitty teenage boys who probably think books are lame. I also probably won’t be rereading it. It handled serious topics very poorly and, while it was an easy read, it wasn’t particularly a good one. I’m not sure I would trust anyone who reads it this day and age and gives it five stars, but because I enjoyed it in the end I will give it

2 Stars

[kannadagothillasir]

Overrated ˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆｡˚˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆｡˚˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆｡˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆

It's a word you'd commonly hear when you mention Church Street, Brigade Road, Bengaluru. Some other fun phrases would include

"What are you? An insecure high school kid?"

"Who even goes there dude."

"Do you want to end up spending 4k just to have half a burger?"

"Idk about you but any guy you find singing with his band on Church Street is a red flag."

My opinion? Much like a lot of others my age I adore Church Street. Going there makes me feel like I've stepped onto a Netflix set, and why shouldn't it? Look at it:

My reasons for loving the place when I was in school started and ended with the second hand bookstores that offered books i wouldn't have dreamed of being able to find before, the first time I had walked in I had audibly gasped at the sheer amount of books. Heart racing, hyperventilating, eyes shining and all the like.

My love for Church Street started with a little underground bookstore called Bookworm. Deceptively small on the outside and like an absolute maze on the inside, young Trinity could have spent hours upon hours browsing the shelves, reading in a hidden corner and just sniffing books like they were hard drugs. Our assignment for the day had me in a lucky spot, to document a shopping area in my city. I dressed up, grabbed my boyfriend and another couple we were to meet and rushed out.

Church Street always leaves me craving. The crackling energy, the immensely well dressed late high schoolers and college kids. The aesthetic cafes, streetfood, bracelet makers, poster sellers and the overall vibe always has me craving more. The high that it gives me is honestly just incredibly fun to ride on and if anything gives me a reason to dress up and pop on some liner, I'll take it.

If you know where to look, however. Church Street has some fun little secrets. Usually smoke shops dont interest me but much like a crow, if something is shiny enough, I'll check it out. Bongs, Hookahs, super shiny e-cigarettes. Everything of the sort. But they also had imported candy, which was honestly a lot more up my alley. I also found a cute dog right outside, he was the sweetest little guy >.<

Remember when i mentioned the aesthetic cafes? Church street has some of the prettiest cafes and pubs I have ever seen, from Matteo to Starbucks from Monkey Bar to The 13th Floor. They. Are. Beautiful.

Church Street is amazing in so many ways, and its magic hasnt dimmed in my eyes ever since i first went there, with my mom and dad when i was younger to now, with my partner and my friends.

Theres only one teensy tiny issue though. It can be really really expensive. But if youre smart, you'll know which places stay in your spending limit with a few quick searches online. Or maybe youll just take out your wallet, stare at it, shrug and go "oh well, adjust maadi"

[kookieswan]

Shades of Us I – Espresso

Poly!Namgi x Reader (f)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: College!AU, Fluff, Humor (semi-crack), Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Frenemies to Lovers, Namjoon is cheeky, Yoongi’s a little shit, MC is tired but amused.

Notes: The first part of SoU and the first meeting! Well, for the reader anyway teehee. 

Part of the Shades of Us Series!

———————————————————————

Staring down at your phone, you weave your way through the small crowds of people as you make your way down the sidewalk. Just having finished your last class, it was time to finally check out the little shop just off campus that some of your friends had mentioned in passing. With your usual place having closed down last month, you’d been stuck working at your house which was fine… but also a little annoying. As you spot it in the distance, your feet speed up as the sign becomes clearer. They sky’s starting to turn a pretty pink color as you get to the front door, one of the only nice things about having an evening class.

Wandering into Persona, a long sigh leaves your body as you glide by the obscene number of books. It’s a comfy looking place, but it still evokes the whole “time to study” feeling. Class had been long, and even though you desperately needed a break, there was no time to rest. You have more than enough projects due in the next two weeks to make you want to pull your hair out. Apparently, this place had great coffee at their little café and practically any book you could possibly need.

As you tug your back up over your shoulder, a tall man catches your eye, slowly putting books up onto the shelves. He’s tan, long hair surrounding his face and cute glasses perched on his pretty nose as he focuses on his tasks. Noticing your stare, he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose before giving you a small smile that contrasts with his sharp eyes. What a handsome dude.

“Hey, welcome to Persona Bookstore! Is there anything I can help you find?” He’s turned to you fully now, allowing for a closer peek at his face. You try not to coo as you notice the deep dimples he has on his face, eyes crinkled as he gives you a grin. He’s a cutie, a little bit of a nerd vibe but also seeming insanely personable. Usually, you’d avoid people at stores but something drew you time him… probably not his broad shoulders or anything…

“Ah, maybe? Do you happen to have a certain art book? I need it for one of my classes…” Giving him the details, he listens intently before telling you to follow him. You do so, taking in the scenery of the place properly. It’s warm, a lot of brown and neutral tones used to give a good calming effect. Honestly, you appreciate it given how boxed in you feel during class. Dimples leads you over to a computer and types some things in, glancing up at you every once in a while, before letting out a little “aha!”.

“We do have it! If you stay here, I can go run and grab it for you quick.” You agree to stick around the area, pulling out your phone and scrolling through twitter for a bit. He returns soon after, offering to check you out right away so you can get on with whatever you’re doing. You make small talk as you do so, enjoying the ability to actually have a conversation with someone after so long. Thanking him, you turn to make your way over to the café area, not noticing how his eyes follow your form.  

The smell of coffee hits your nose and you’re nearly in euphoria. It had been so long since you were able to actually go out and get any, being swamped with classes, commissions, and a billion other things. Glancing over the menu, you barely notice another man make his way to the front from the back area. He’s a bit smaller than the last guy, hair an inky black color with pale skin. If you’re not mistaken, you swear you’ve seen him before in one of your classes. Stepping forward, you give a small smile as he washes his hand, double taking when he sees you waiting.

“What can I get for you?” His voice is deep, almost bored sounding as he addresses you. You can’t blame him though, being stuck indoors for work of all things can’t really be the most fun in the world.

“What do you recommend?” His eyebrow raises a bit, glancing back at the menu before gesturing to it, arm extending outward before looking back at you. You wait expectantly before he sighs loudly.

“Black coffee’s fine, I guess. Everything else tastes like ass.” Nodding your head, you attempt to keep a straight face as you glance over the menu again. Making a show of it, you place your hands on your hips before finally letting out your order.

“Well, in that case, I’ll have the caramel mocha frappe with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. Oh, and three espresso shots please! Oh, and my names ______ by the way.” A loud snort leaves the man, and he shakes his head as he rings it up before getting to work on it. You try and ignore how big his hands are as they brush yours when he takes your cash. Maybe you shouldn’t have got the espresso shots, but you’d need them to stay alive and functioning for the next few hours.

“Disgustingly sweet frappe for _____!” You bounce up to where he stands, giving him a loud thank you before snatching it and making your way over to a free table. There’s a decent amount since its starting to get later in the day, but you still tuck yourself into a corner, so people don’t bother you. Pulling out all of your supplies, you attempt to get in the right mindset to get everything going properly.

Knowing that you should get this commission done soon, you get to work, trying to find the perfect references. Line art always took forever, and God only knows how long it’ll take if you can’t figure out the proper perspective of things. Pulling out your earbuds and putting them in, you get lost in the music for a bit as you work slowly through the commissioner’s request.

Glancing up, you zero in as Dimples makes his way over to the coffee counter, big ass grin on his face as he leans over it. The cute cat man looks less than enthused, swatting at the taller man’s hand as he reaches forward to pet his silky looking hair. Huh, so they know each other… They talk for a bit, probably about the drink order, before they simultaneously looking over at you. Whipping your head back down, you pretend to have not been staring at them like a creep.  

About fifteen minutes later, there’s a muddled “Hi!” from two different voices at the same time, starling you out of your daze. Glancing up from your tablet, you spot Dimple man and cat boy in front of you. Specifically, sitting on either side of the table that you reside at. Blinking owlishly a few times, you tilt your head before setting your pen down, pulling the buds out of your ears.

“… Hi…?” They both have grins on their face, elbows bumping into each other as they raise them up onto the table. You watch in subtle amusement as they keep bumping into each other’s elbows, thing smiles on their face as they stare you down. Cat boy shoves his arm almost violently into Dimples ribs, causing him to let out a tiny gown as Cat Boy leans forward.

“So, you don’t come here often?” You nod your head slowly, bringing the yummy coffee to your lips for a sip as you ignore the cheesy convo starter. This… was getting a little weird. But whatever, it was a distraction from the nightmare you were currently living. His eyes light up, and he opens his mouth to speak before Dimples nearly shoves him off of the chair.

“You go to school at the university I’m guessing? What to you study?” Not wanting to assume, you just ask. Your lips twitch a little, trying not to laugh as the smaller man attempts to shove the bigger one, not even managing to budge him a little. Clearing your throat, you put the coffee down and pay proper attention.

“Yeah, I go here. I study studio and fine arts… I minor in art history. You both go there too?” Cat Boys eyes light up at your mention of art, while Dimples seems more interested at the mention of history. They try to talk over each other, voices raising until there’s a loud “SHHH” from the other side of the store. Dimples looks sheepish while Cat Boy shushes back, black hair flopping into his eyes as he whips his head around.

“Yeah, I study Music Production and sadly this asshat does too.” The smaller man explains to you, tiny smirk on his face as the bigger man rolls his eyes. You can’t really figure out their dynamic. They seem friendly but also kind of like they want to kill each other a little…

“Erm, you know each other well… Don’t you? You sure seem, uh, chummy?” Cringing a little at their pointed looks, you try not to make eye contact as the smiles fall off of their faces. What a weird dynamic they have…

“I’d rather die than be Namjoon’s friend ew.” This man is the definition of a tsundere, acting completely uncaring while being all pouty about it. It’s cute honestly. The way they interact with each other is adorable if a little odd, and you’re pleased they just so happened to come over and talk to you at the same time. You wouldn’t mind talking to them more…

“Aw come on Yoongi, we all know you really like me a lot.” Dimples, or Namjoon apparently, flicks the side of Cat Boys… or Yoongi’s face with his finger as the other man attempts to bite it. You don’t believe for a second that they don’t like each other. Frenemies perhaps, but there was a fondness in the air as they interacted in front of you.

“Pfft, yeah I like you as much as I’d like to shove a glass bottle up my ass.” A snort leaves you then along with a few laughs. They’re both smiling now, handsome faces trained on you as you giggle cutely over the crude comment. As much as you’re enjoying this, because you really are, there’s no way you’re going to get any work done with them bickering in front of you. You start to pack up slowly, closing your laptop and unplugging your tablet.

“Did you guys meet each other here or in classes…?” You’re more than curious now, wanting to hear how they met and eventually became the besties that they are now. They’re an interesting pair for sure.

“We met in one of our classes, and have managed to have a bunch together since then right Yoongi? Pretty sure he hacked my computer to figure out what my schedule was so he could be in all the same classes. Cute right?” You’re full on laughing now, especially at the exasperated look on Yoongi’s face. He scoffs loudly, crossing his arms in front of his body before leaning back in his seat.

“Yeah? Well, you follow me to work everyday like a stalker!” Your phone dings as they continue to bicker, notifying you that it’s starting to get late, and you should be heading back to your apartment. You have an early class so you need as much sleep as you can get.

“Yoon, I literally work here.” Moving to stand, they pause in their fighting and turn towards you. It’s cute, they almost look like puppies fighting over a toy. Swinging your bag over your shoulder, you give them a small wave and start to walk away. It’s already dark out, but at least your walk back will be cool since the temperature has likely dropped.

“Wait! Will we see you again? Uh, not that it’s like, a big deal…” The men are practically on top of each other, eyes widened as they gaze at you. Letting out a little giggle, your turn around and start to make your way out of the store. The two of them were fascinating, and you were more than interested in seeing them again. Hell, maybe you’d even see them around campus before you’re back to Persona. 

“Oh, you certainly will.”

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 17 | April 18th – April 24th

Welcome to week 17 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #VelvetCardiganBucky, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

✨Page breaks are made @firefly-graphics✨

«Last Week

Week 18»

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week

Forever & Always: Stage 1 - Denial | Pt.1 » Bucky Barnes x Witch!Reader & Platonic Avengers x Reader — Y/N “Birdy” (nicknamed by her family), comes from a long line of witches and warlocks, living her days at the New Avengers Compound, alongside her friends. The Avengers are part of her family and her family is always welcome to the compound. Things for once seemed to be going well now that all was right from the attack on Thanos, everyone was alive, all was forgiven, friendships were thriving, that all ended when Birdy’s brother came calling with sad news, their mother had suddenly passed. These are the stages of grief Birdy faces, through the loss of her best friend, her protector, her mother.

His Favorite Day » Chris Evans x Reader — Chris’s favorite day of the year is your birthday.

Bucky Barnes

One-Shots:

*No Hidden Messages by @jobean12-blog » TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Sam sends you a picture of Bucky and the endgame is priceless. | Honestly I love me some dominant Bucky, and if Sam had sent me that picture I would have dropped my phone and been like yep that my babe. I was thinking something more dirty but I’ll keep that thought to myself. 😉

Sucker Punch by @buckyblues » Boxer!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader — Bucky thought he knew what was his, until he accidentally let it roam free. | Someone come dump a cold bucket of water on me please?

Someone Like You by @startrekkingaroundasgard » Bucky Barnes x Hydra Agent!Reader — Taken from their SHIELD prison cell, the reader finds themself alone with The Winter Soldier negotiating for their life. | I really enjoyed reading this, the sass of the reader and how Bucky handles them. It’s just so perfect. Nicola says there is more to come for this pair and I’m so very much looking forward to it.

(Mini) Series:

Happy & So Happy by @mrwinterr » Rockstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader — You meet your favorite artist and get more than what you bargained for. | The smut in this is hot and by the end you are hoping the reader gets a happy ending not a tragic one.

*A Tender Heart 💜 Pt. 3 by @river-soul » Alpha!Bucky Barnes x Omega!Reader — You’ve been sweet on Bucky since you started working at the compound six months ago. Normally quiet and mild mannered, an unexpected fight with a coworker brings Bucky into your orbit. [A/B/O dynamics and explicit sexual content, 18+] | I feel the love that is radiating from this story and I really love it and the little bit of smut we get in chapter 3 is perfect!

the (after) party by @buckycuddlebuddy sequel loft music » fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader — “why don’t we have this thing they call goodbye sex? one last time.” he leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear. “i’ll make it good for you.” | In some strange way it was therapeutic to read this but at the same time I felt bad for the reader in the first part. Second part you are rooting for her but still feeling bad. I will say the smut in this is perfect.

Just Like Dad Pt. 3 🦾 Pt. 1 🦾 Pt. 2 by @ladyfallonavenger » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky finally confronts Steve and moves forward with his life. | Very sweet ending and I loved it.

Sweet Dreams 🥞 Pt. 4 🥞 Pt. 5 🥞 Pt. 6 🥞 Pt. 7 by @jedimastermelkor » Bucky Barnes x Reader & ? x Avenger — Your daily routine involves waking up in the morning, going to work and sulking at night. But then you meet the man you’ve fantasized about for your entire life, Bucky Barnes. At the same time, you’ve caught someone else’s eye and his first step in winning you over is to cook you breakfast. But will you be welcoming of that person’s affections? | I like how she named the puppy Pancake and the first thing the mysterious avenger gave her was pancakes. I don’t want to give too much away but things are getting really good and you find out who the mysterious avenger is in chapter 6!

Steve Rogers

One-Shots:

*Caught by @giorno-plays-piano » Bluebeard!Steve Rogers x Reader — If he kept you warm, saying words of love to you every day while he looked you in the face, you’d marry him even if in a year he hanged you just like all his wives in the dungeon of his castle. | It’s dark but in a soft way and it’s so good. I highly recommend you go and read it.

Drabble Request by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve Rogers x Reader — We find out how Steve and Reader met before they ever got in a relationship. Takes place before Tell Me What You Want. | I loved this so much, I was laughing and pictured this whole piece so vividly in my brain. Also I just want a part where Bucky teases Steve about that night in front of reader making her giggle, maybe at the wedding?

(Mini) Series:

*Yuánfèn 📖 Pt. 4 by @writerwrites » Steve Rogers x Reader — When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart? | I always look forward to the updates on this story. It brings me so much comfort and the relationship that is blossoming between the reader and Steve is beautiful and organic. I highly recommend this.

Misc.

Headcanons:

*Just Like Her Old Man by @rebelwrites » Chibs Telford x Reader — I asked for: Parents get called into school for a meeting due to their daughter fighting, and trying not to be proud. Taking them out for a treat after the meeting. | It turned out so great. If you knew me at my Sons Anarchy Days, you know I loved Chibs the most. This feed my love for him even more. Thank you Heather!!

One-Shot:

*A Simple Solution by @sweetlyscared » Andy Barber x Fem!Reader, Ari Levinson x Fem!Reader, Andy Barber x Fem!Reader x Ari Levinson — You and Andy had a purely sexual relationship for several months, and you’d started to grow attached to him. Unfortunately, life has a way of complicating things, and a chance encounter at a bookstore had you stuck between a rock and a hard place. | We all owe a huge thank you to Sweet Lee, for writing and posting this. She wrote our dreams out so perfectly, and if you haven’t thought of this now you can. It’s just so hot and good, I for one am very thankful.

(Mini) Series:

*Give In 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 23 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 24 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 25 by @overr-written » soft!dark!Lee Bodecker x Reader — She didn’t think she was anything special. So when the intimidating Sheriff takes an interest in her, she can’t help but feel a little unsettled. Her boring life is about to get a little interesting. | I love this series so much and the lengths that the chapters are. I really am going to be sad when this is over. I don’t ever want it to end. 😭

Seal Team

One-Shots:

Imma Take Care Of Your Body by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Reader is the only female member on Bravo who also has a no strings attached relationship with Rebel. | Let me just say this is hot, like really hot. Give me a glass of water and let me cool down. Thank you Heather for blessing us with this.

Tier One Babysitters by @bravo-four-seal-team » Seal Team; Ray Perry x Naima Perry — Ray and Naima ask the team to watch 6 month old Jameelah. | I promise you will be laughing.

You Are Perfect by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Clay tells you everything he loves about you. | As a big boned girl this meant a lot and has me wishing for a Clay Spenser to call my own.

[deidearly]

Kakashi Relationship Headcanons

Guess who’s back with another relationship headcanon today? And as usual, I had a good time writing this one even got slightly carried away, hehe. Enjoy! XX. 

Well— Hatake Kakashi, huh? Dating him would be such a roller coaster ride, tbh. It’s like, one moment he’s so clingy, fragile, so afraid of losing you— but one moment he’s like, “Just do what you need to do. I don’t really care.” This is due to the fact that he’s got a lot of things in his mind and occasionally struggled to sort out his priorities. 

Anyway, of course you’ve complained about his ‘reading-smut-in-public’ issue, especially when you’re together. You two would come up with an agreement somehow. But to piss you off, he’d pretend like you’re the one who’s obsessed with reading smuts.

You’re browsing for some important books and he playfully yelled, “Y/N! Come here, it’s your favorite book— Icha Icha Tactics! My, I know you’ve had four books, but another one won’t hurt, right? Since you love it that much!” making everyone in the bookstore giggled.

He received “Y/N Signature Punch” that day.

To your surprise, he’s not very secretive about his relationship with you. In fact, you’ve caught him frequently use you as an excuse for him to escape some unwanted occasions.

Let’s say Gai was asking Kakashi to fight him like usual— and he wasn’t having it that day. “Gai, with all respect— I would gladly accept your challenge. But can’t you feel the springtime of romance youth is blooming? I must see Y/N immediately.”

Gai’s tearing up.

Don’t worry, he actually went to your place.

“Yo. Can we hang out? I just told Gai that I would come to your place. Please say ‘yes’ to make me less of a jerk, will you?”

Would totally show up in front of your place at an ungodly hour.

At first it surprised you but now you’re used to it.

You just finished your mission, it went pretty well but you felt there were some wasted chances due to your captain’s miscalculation. It’s nearly 2 AM but you caught yourself wide awake, reviewing back your battle– only to got distracted by a knock on your bedroom’s window. Instead of turning your head in surprise, you already knew who it was. To have a little fun for yourself, you ignored the sound, which was later followed by a second knock. Walking over to the window, you saw a silver-haired man with a mask. Although half of his face was covered, it’s obvious that a smile was apparent. “Yo.” he greeted, but you replied with a sigh. “You could actually knock on the door and I’d let you in through the door. It’s something normal people would do, Kakashi.” you grumbled, opening the window for him to get in. “Ah, spare me the lecture!”

So, reverse psychology works best for Kakashi. Like the Icha Icha Tactics– the more you ignore his behavior, he would actually try not to read his book in public like you told him to. But the more you complain, he’d read it in places where he shouldn’t be reading it at all. This method works in almost every cases.

You’ve been dating for weeks, but you haven’t seen his face.

Yes, when kissing, too.

You’ve had enough of kissing fabric. 

You had planned to make a dinner together at his place. He was preparing the dishes and you’re about to finish your cooking, when he suddenly asked, “Hey, Y/N. Have you ever wondered what would I look like under this mask?” You were dying to know actually. So, now you’re stuck with two options: (a) be honest about it, (b) pull out another reverse psychological answer— and you chose the latter. “Huh? Not really,” you shrugged, “I don’t really care so it’s not like I’m eager to see it.” and of course, this was a lie. Kakashi went silent for a while. “Anyway, dinner’s re—“ you swore you could’ve dropped the whole pan when you saw an unfamiliar presence. “Kakashi?” you asked hesitantly. The man looked up with a questioning look, “Why are you blushing?” he replied casually.

“ANYONE WITH A DECENT EYESIGHT WOULD BLUSH TOO, YOU STUPID.”

He’s honestly so heavenly to look at.

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to see his whole face, you thought.

It’s safe to say that it’s a privilege to be able to see his face. But due to his immense charm, you’d prefer to have him with a mask on.

“Y/N, I feel naked without my mask—“ , “And I honestly feel like I’m being forced to see an illicit nudity, too. Put your mask on, it’s fine honestly.”

He’s been very good at his job for almost his whole life, a fine shinobi. So, he’s rarely exposed to mundane things, moreover a relationship. Thus, making him quite restrained in expressing himself. Plus, he was labelled with some negative titles, saying how cold-blooded he was and he just decided to live with it. This, obviously, requires a lot of patience.

But he’s determined to change, the first step he took was letting you in— into his life.

It started rocky, though.

He’d say something like how he didn’t care much about you and sadly, he really didn’t.

But as the time went by he realized how your presence has been the one that helped him through it. How you’ve always been there to comfort him, by listening to him, giving him a lot of supports, or simply by reminding him that he’s not completely alone.

And when that moment came, he’s sworn to protect you with all his might.

He had a lot of nightmares, he still does, unfortunately. But when you’re around, your presence eases him up a little.

When you’re not around, however, he’d rather spend all night unhealthily tiring himself until he fall asleep.

His personal favorite would be curling up next to you with his hand around your waist while hiding his face near the crook of your neck as he’s giving you some soft neck kisses.

Again, NECK KISSES.

He had a hard time trying to open up himself fully to you and this applies to romantic gestures, I believe. He surely would take his time to explore you, what you like, and what he likes.

Would shower you with kisses, all over your face without missing a spot. He greatly admires every inches of yourself. 

Body worship, oof.

Lowkey (semi highkey) protective.

Lowkey (semi highkey) a show-off.

Would straight up jump to save you if it’s necessary.

And since he’s a show-off, he lowkey loves PDA— but the soft ones, of course. You two would always get spotted together. He would casually sling his arm around your shoulder or lazily has his hand wrapped around your waist.

Favorite time to spend with you is training together. No matter how many times you’ve told him to “fight with an intent to win” he simply refuses— saying how, he’s “far too powerful” for you.

But deep down he just doesn’t want to hurt you…

Chatting in the middle of a training

“Tsunade-sama hasn’t assigned me any missions lately *throws kunai*” , “Maybe if you threw your kunai accurately, she will. *dodge kunai*” , “Kakashi, shut your pretty mouth up. *throws MORE kunai aggressively*”

When you turned him down while he was showing off his new tricks, though, it weirdly turned him on.

He loves someone powerful, with a right amount of cocky.

Doesn’t talk big. He’s a man of action— his action speaks louder than words!

Doesn’t spoil you that much, though. Because it’s actually him who needs to be spoiled.

Really loves it when you trace your fingers all over his skin— it’s intimately soft, he claimed.

LOVES YOUR SCENT. Has it memorized probably.

He’d prefer someone independent. Someone who could actually take care of themselves instead of relying on him completely. 

Anyone too childish would remind him of Team 7, tbh.

Speaking of Team 7, they would probably be the one to get introduced to you.

Naruto was so shocked to find out that his sensei was capable to develop a romantic feeling towards someone. But he had his doubt— do you really know Kakashi? He started to bombard you with questions to test your knowledge.

“So, do you know what’s Kakashi Sensei’s favorite—“ , “I’ve seen his face. Multiple times.” , “YOU WHAT?”

Complained and sulked about it, “Kakashi Sensei, we’ve trained together for years. How could you?!”

Sakura was confused.

“How? I know he’s probably very handsome under that mask but come on, Y/N, reading smut in public? That’s an absolute no.”

On the contrary, Sasuke was thrilled, internally.

“Yeah. Finally. Old man has someone to annoy besides us. About time.”

He has a pretty bad behavior, too. Unlike Gaara, who’d put an emotionless facade when he’s only in the Kazekage mode, Kakashi would treat you just how he feels like doing it that day. 

Let’s be real, he has so many bottled up feelings inside his heart so it’s not a surprise that someday, somehow, a random painful emotion just hit him— hard, and he shut himself out.

The hospital is the place you immediately visit right after Kakashi’s arrival after a mission because you know he’d be there— reading his book with a few bruises here and there. But this time was a bit different. When he’s hospitalized, he would whine about you not being able to stay more than an hour— but right now you’re puzzled, since he’s been completely silent and avoiding you, answering your questions with a mere shrugs.

Tsunade told you that the mission went pretty well, thanks to Kakashi for eliminating all the enemies on the field, singlehandedly. You automatically knew that it must brought up his past traumas. “Kakashi, it’s not your fault.” you decided to speak, earning a glance from Kakashi, but that’s it. “It’s a mission and you protected all of your comrades!”

“I killed them, Y/N. I didn’t have to, but I did.” he said, with his eyes still glued elsewhere. “Every time I look at my hands, I feel dirty. It reminded me of that—“, “Kakashi, look at me.”

You moved closer to his bed, reaching out your hand and traced your fingers softly on his face. His cheeks were cold, and you could clearly see how he was slightly trembling with teary eyes. “Kakashi, if you didn’t do it— it could’ve been your own comrades. Now they’re safe and sound, thanks to you.”, you paused as he slowly began to move his sight to you. “And if I could meet you way sooner, I would remind you every day that it’s never your fault— it’s never been. You’re a good person, Kakashi. I, and all of us, are forever thankful for the things you’ve done.” you whispered, now wiping a few tears that fell down to his cheeks. A weak smile started to bloom, “I’m forever thankful for you as well, Y/N.”

[axoxtxhxh]

Pairing: Sub!Goshiki x DomFem! Chubby!Reader Part 1 Summary: You met your good friend Goshiki at work one day, having similar interests in books. When you start developing feelings for him, things get difficult. Especially when he asks a special favor. Content: Body image issues

A/N: Thank you for following along! We’re now on our fourth week of stories! Both virginity loss stories are three parts. The second part will release on Wednesday and the third part on Friday. Be sure to check out @millenialfanfictionaddiction​s story Oikawa’s Oasis! You can reach it through the Please Me Series Masterlist. Feedback is appreciated!

This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all. It wasn’t like you had your whole life planned out, in fact, it was quite the opposite. You didn’t know what you were doing half the time and you had reached a point in your life where you were kind of okay with that. While there were good things you tried to bring into your life, there was an even longer list of bad things you tried to keep out.

After hitting your late twenties, you decided it was important to take care of yourself. Getting rid of toxic friendships and focusing on your mental and physical health became your priority. You were doing a great job, as much as the rolls on your stomach and all over chubby look you had attested against it.

One of the other things you decided to finally pursue was your dream of being a romance novelist. You quit your nine-to-five day job that you hated and started working at your favorite bookstore in town while your nights were spent writing. The support you had from your friends at the bookstore was way more than you could ever have imagined. Even your boss loved hearing about your story ideas.

“You look tired.” Your boss, Dylan, joked as you walked into the breakroom, ready to start your shift.

“I was up late last night writing.” You hung up your jacket in your locker. “I could really use some… cof…fee.”

Your eyes lit up as you saw the full cup of coffee in your boss’s hand, extended to you. It was from your favorite shop down the street.

“How did you know I wanted coffee? Are you even real?” You took the cup and gulped down half of it.

“You forget, I’m your beta reader.” He laughed. “When you’re up writing, I’m up reading. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Thank you!” You held the cup up to him, then took another big gulp.

“You get another tattoo?” He asked, eyeing your arm as you closed your locker. You looked down at your arm and smiled.

“Yep. Trying to finish up this sleeve.”

“I have a question.” He leaned back in his chair, his hands resting in his lap. “Why don’t you ever write with characters that look like you?”

“People like me don’t get to have romances like those in the books.” You shrugged and headed out to the floor.

The morning mid-shift was always your favorite. As much as you hated getting up early, the bookstore was at its quietest then and you could relax with your coworkers. You spotted your favorite co-worker manning the help desk and focusing on something on the other side of the bookstore.

“What are you looking at?”

“Shh…” They put their fingers to their lips. “I don’t want him to know I see him.”

“See who? What are you talking about?” You whispered, trying not to expose yourselves even though you still didn’t know what you were looking at.

“That guy.” They pointed and your eyes followed the direction of their finger to see a tall figure in the magazine section, his hood up, mask on and wearing sunglasses. You could see black bangs peeking out under the hood.

“So why don’t you want him to know you see him?”

“In case he’s stealing.” They whisper-yelled and you laughed.

“I’ll just go talk to him.” You stood up straight and made your way over. He looked a little less shady up close because you could see that he was lost in his reading and didn’t even really notice you being there.

When you first walked up, you saw him reading one of the car magazines from the shelf, but now that you were closer, you could see he had a book inside the magazine and was reading the book.

“You know, normally people put the magazine in the book, not the other way around.” You leaned closer to him and he jumped back, shrieking as he dropped the magazine and the book. He backed away from you and if he didn’t have his entire face covered with a mask and sunglasses, you could only imagine his eyes wide and his mouth open.

The magazine was all bent on the ground and you leaned over to pick it up along with the book. You could only imagine what he was reading that he had it hidden in a car magazine. Putting the magazine back on the shelf, you looked at the cover of the book. Romance?

“Were you reading this?” You held the book up to him with a smile.

“No.” He shook his head back and forth anxiously.

“Then why is it here?”

“It fell.”

“From where?” You questioned.

“Alright fine, I was reading it.”

He dropped his head low and you gasped sarcastically, your hand to your chest. “No! Really? I would never have guessed.”

“Very funny.” You laughed, looking back down at the book.

“So why are you hiding then? Or did you not notice there’s only like two other people shopping.” You gestured to the rest of the store. “Or maybe you couldn’t see well with those incredibly dark sunglasses.”

“That’s not it.” He pulled off the sunglasses and mask, dropping the hood to his sweatshirt as he looked around the store nervously. “I just don’t want anyone to know I’m reading it.”

“What’s wrong with it?” You looked at the book. It was one of your favorites. “This is a great book.”

His eyes widened as he quickly looked back to you. “You like romance novels?”

“I love them. I’m trying to write one actually. This one has given me a lot of inspiration for my current story.”

“That’s so cool.” He smiled, looking really amazed, you weren’t sure by what though.

“So, let me get this straight.” You narrowed your eyes skeptically. “You come in here to secretly read these romance novels because you don’t want people to know you’re reading them?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you just buy it and read it at home?”

“I have a roommate and I don’t want him to know.”

“You could go to the library.”

“They don’t have the ones I like and they don’t release as quickly as you guys do.”

“How long have you been doing this?” His mouth opened and he turned away, looking nervous by the question so you changed the subject. “Never mind. Honestly, as long as you’re not stealing or planning to steal, you can read however you’d like.”

You stepped back, adjusting the unorganized magazines, and turned to walk back to your station.

“Well, wait.” He went to grab your arm, but thought better and pulled back as you turned around. “You said you write.”

“Yes.” You nodded at him.

“Can I read your stuff?”

“Why would I let you read my work?” You laughed slightly uncomfortably. It was a weird question. He doesn’t know anything about you or your writing. You could actually suck at it. “I don’t even know you.”

“Goshiki.” He put his hand out with a smile and you shook it, telling him your name. “So we’re friends now?”

You started laughing. You couldn’t believe this guy. Friends? You met less than two minutes ago because he was being a creep in your store.

“You don’t have to laugh.” He grumbled.

“Why do you want to read my work so badly? You don’t know me. It could very well suck.”

“I just don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I’ve been reading these books for years. I tried to avoid them in high school because I knew I would get made fun of, but I’ve never met anyone in person that likes them too. Not since you.”

The look on his face made you feel so guilty. Why did you have to have such a big heart? The guy just wants to talk about romance novels. He also had a point. You barely knew anyone that liked romance novels and you worked at a book store. Honestly, you could use a second opinion. Dylan had no idea what he was talking about half the time.

“Fine.” You sighed and he started smiling.

“Really?”

“Yes, but I’m not letting you read it without me watching. The last thing I need is you to steal my ideas.”

“That’s perfect.” He pulled out his phone. “There’s a coffee shop just down the street I like. We can meet there. Can I have your number?”

“Are you talking about Milstead?” You took his phone and typed your information, handing him your phone.

“Yeah, you know it?”

“Know it? I love it. I practically keep them in business.”

That’s where your friendship with the weird guy in the bookstore started. You weren’t so stuck in middle school that you would call him your best friend, but he was definitely your best friend. You had even caught him calling you his best friend to your coworkers and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t have you smiling.

You had never gotten along with someone so immediately the way you did with Goshiki. You had an endless list of similar interests, from favorite books to your favorite coffee shop. You even had the same oddball order from the café. Though, you were both pretty sure that he accidentally got your order once and liked it so much he continued ordering it.

It didn’t take long for you both to start hanging out nearly every day and he started coming into the bookstore to talk to you rather than actually reading the novels he loved. After a couple weeks you trusted him enough to email him your work and it was only a month into your friendship before he was going over to your apartment to hang out regularly.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how close you’ve gotten?” Dylan asked as he helped stock the shelves. He had been wondering how your writing was going and if you were going to finish the latest chapter you had been working on. When you told him Goshiki was coming over to your place later so it wouldn’t get done, he worried.

“I don’t think it’s weird. Is it?” You didn’t feel uncomfortable. Honestly, Goshiki didn’t give off any of the red flags you were so used to seeing in people. He was genuinely a nice person who loved the same things as you.

“I don’t know. You just so happen to love all the same things?” He paused his stocking and looked at you. “Are you sure he doesn’t just have feelings for you and maybe he’s pretending to like the same things as you?”

“Stop trying to put me in my romance novel.” You laughed. “Guys don’t do that for me.”

Later that night you were in your kitchen waiting for Goshiki to get there. You had done something so stupid, something so completely thoughtless that you knew would ruin your mood yet you couldn’t resist the torture apparently. You weighed yourself. The level of fluctuating your weight did was honestly unbelievable. You always had good days when it was down, but days like today when it was up, you couldn’t help but let it sour your mood.

There was a knock at the door before it opened up and Goshiki walked in. You hadn’t given him a key or anything, but it was only a matter of time before you both hit that step.

“I brought Oreos.” He smiled, setting the container on the counter, pulling it open and eating one. He grabbed a second one and split it open, handing you the side without the cream. “Here.”

“You can have my side.” You tried to smile.

“But you always eat my half that doesn’t have cream.”

“It’s fine.” You shook your head. “I shouldn’t be eating it.”

“Shouldn’t be eating it? Are you sick?” He pulled another Oreo from the container and ate it in one bite. He was honestly so lucky he could eat whatever he wanted.

“No just watching my weight. I sort of fell back into some old habits.”

“What’s wrong with your weight? You look great.”

“Let’s get started on the story.” You tried to change the subject.

“Did you finish the chapter?” Goshiki’s eyes were wide and he spit the dryness of the cookies from his mouth out of excitement. You laughed as he quickly covered his mouth. “Sorry.”

“Maybe.” You smiled coyly, grabbing his hand and he grabbed the Oreo container. “Come on.”

Moving to the couch, you sat on the end, Goshiki plopping next to you, and you put your laptop in his lap. There was a tiny bit of anxiety building in your stomach as you sat there watching him read and you were pretty sure part of it was what Dylan had said earlier. Was it possible that Goshiki had feelings for you? You watched as he put another Oreo in his mouth, his eyes glued to screen of your computer, scanning back and forth as he read. You weren’t even sure if he was blinking, the glow of the monitor shining onto his eyes. There was no way someone could be that into you to fake that look of concentration.

You smiled to yourself and kept watching him read. This chapter had a pretty steamy scene in it but you’d known Goshiki long enough and seen him read enough of your work to know that it didn’t matter what he was reading, his expression never changed. His eyes were always wide with interest, mouth closed in a pout.

He put another Oreo in and you watched him as he chewed, his jaw working. You could see the sharp, jagged edges of the cookie through his cheek until it eventually became a smooth, round bump and he swallowed it, reaching for another.

Propping your head up on your hand on the back of the couch, you continued watching him. He was definitely good-looking. You had noticed how good-looking he was the first day you saw him in the magazine section, hiding his romance novel. Not wanting to interrupt him, you tried not to laugh, but definitely couldn’t hold back the smile as you thought about the memory. Would it be so bad if he did have feelings for you? You had dated some really terrible guys in the past. Goshiki wouldn’t even be close to the list those guys were on.

He licked his lips, wiping Oreo crumbs from his mouth and you licked your own lips, swallowing hard as you watched him. You liked the same food, the same coffee, the same books, you had so many hobbies that overlapped and you could honestly spend hours with him without getting bored. You started to think that maybe you were feeling anxious not because of what Dylan thought of Goshiki, but maybe what you were feeling about him. Was it maybe you that had feelings for Goshiki?

“Wow, that was such a good—” He turned to look at you but noticed something in your face, an expression he wasn’t sure of. “Everything okay?”

You had made a lot of questionable decisions in your life, some of them you regretted, some led you to the most amazing times. This last year especially was a time of making really great decisions, cleaning out the bad and bringing in the good. You weren’t sure which direction this decision was going to take you, but you leaned into Goshiki anyway. His eyes went a little wide as your lips barely touched. You wanted to give him time to pull away if he wanted, but he didn’t and that made you push yourself the last inch until your lips met his.

Soft, plush, velvety lips pressed against yours and for an instant you were taken out of the moment, your head swirling with a mix of feelings, amazing feelings that you weren’t even sure you could separate but it didn’t matter because the cocktail they created in your head made you feel drunk, stupidly drunk as you kissed him. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you pulled back.

“Oh my—I’m sorry—I don’t—"

“No, it… it feels good.” He brought his hands up to your cheeks and pushed his lips against yours again, this time without any hesitation. You never knew the feeling of his nose touching yours or the little puffs of his breath against your face, or just how warm, calloused, and big his hands would feel against your cheek. Suddenly you were feeling them all at once and you pulled him closer, your tongue licking over his lips until he opened his mouth.

He dropped his hand to your waist, rubbing at the fleshiness of your body and you couldn’t stop the heavy beating of your heart. The awkwardness you had briefly worried about didn’t exist, it was only bliss. It was the best kind of overwhelming and you wanted more of him.

Pushing the laptop to the other side of him, you lifted yourself up until you could climb over him, straddling his lap. His hands immediately went to your plump hips, cradling them, but again you wanted more and you scooted yourself closer.

“Uh—I…” He gasped, sitting back from you.

“Is this too fast?”

“I’ve just never—I mean, I don’t know how—I’ve never—reading it is totally different.”

“Are you okay?” He kind of looked like he was shutting down. He was saying a lot, but none of it was complete and made no sense to you.

His eyes widened as he whispered quietly to himself. “Holy shit, my dick’s hard.”

“Goshi—”

“I have to go.” He started standing up with you in his lap and you quickly moved out of the way so he could get up. “I’m sorry. I just… I have to go.”

He didn’t even turn around to look at you as he moved hurriedly to the front door of your apartment. You heard the door quickly open and close and you couldn’t even let yourself feel bad. You were just confused.

It was possible you misread the situation, but he seemed really into it. Maybe he changed his mind partway through. You didn’t want to think about you being the problem, but it was hard to ignore. He felt your weight. You sat on his lap and he held you and maybe he finally realized that you didn’t ‘look great’ like he always told you.

You sighed, sitting back on the couch and running your fingers through your hair. You had done so much this last year to better yourself. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all. Great decisions would lead to great opportunities and you were trying to bring good things into your life. Falling for your best friend was not on that list, yet here you were.

Shit.

.....

@chaotic-nick​ @yep-seeyalaterbranflakes​ @serostapesweat​ @lovelyzabrak-meadow​