#but the drafts solve that and he’s just trying to make everyone happy at the end

[aldenhan]

war and peace drafts are so funny i’m kind of obsessed with andrei surviving and then deciding to conspire to get pierre and natasha together like okayyy

[etherealyoungk]

college bf!mingyu scenarios

requested: by anon

pairing: mingyu x reader

wordcount: 893

a/n: i found this long lost in my drafts and thought i might as well post it.

college bf!mingyu who would be the heartthrob of the campus, but in reality, he only had eyes for you. you first met him when you accidentally bumped into him when you were in a rush trying to get to class. and in the process, all your papers went flying. mingyu was sweet and helped you gather your stuff, except you picked up the wrong notebook - his instead and you ran off, not bothering to check until you were sat in class and opened to book only to realise that it wasn't yours. naturally, you looked for him and gave him back his book, but after that day, you found yourself running into him more often.

college bf!mingyu who would pack you an extra lunch for himself so you could some of his too. he knows you love his cooking and you always end up stealing a bite of his food even though you tell him you're not hungry, but he knows better. he'll also pack extra snacks and they're all your favorite ones too.

college bf!mingyu who would follow you around like a puppy in between or after classes, hanging out with you in the library because you told him you needed to study or work on assignments. he'd sit with you too, saying he'll study with you too, but that's just an excuse to be next to you. he's watching you as you're busy solving questions, his arm propped up on the table, his head resting in his palm as he watches you, a smile on his face because how did he get so lucky. he'd be so whipped for you truly.

college bf!mingyu who is just so whipped and in love with you. everyone can tell by the way he looks at you that he adores you with his whole heart and would fight anyone if they posed any harm to you.

college bf!mingyu who would be absolutely appalled when you decide to go to class when you've fallen sick badly. he scolds you lightly when he spots you in the hallway and is quick to scoop you away and drop you back to your apartment. he'll make you a hearty soup so you can feel better, assuring you that the world wasn't going to end if you skipped one class. he says he'll help you on the assignment and gather the notes for you and he does, in a rather impressive manner.

college bf!mingyu who's always planning dates after class. he'll always have a cafe or new restaurant he wants to go to with you. and he's always so excited too, so how can you say no to him when he asks you so sweetly with the most pretty smile in the entire world.

college bf!mingyu who always sits next to you in the classes you have together. he'll always write little love notes in your notebook or draw silly little doodles, which make you smile whenever you open your notebook.

college bf!mingyu who's always and i mean always taking the chance to flirty with you. he'll drop the silliest pickup lines, flirting with you left right and centre and loves seeing you get all shy as you smack his arm in an attempt to get him to stop. "he practices all these atrocious lines on us", seungkwan says in disgust while mingyu just beams at you with his gorgeous smile.

college bf!mingyu who loves sharing his airpods with you during lunch break or whenever you both just want to have a little quiet time but still be with each other. he loves showing you new music he found and you do to.

college bf!mingyu who will always ask for kisses in between classes because,"they recharge me babe please", he says every time, while you just stare at him, crossing your arms. he pouts his lips in response and shows you his cheek as he waits for you to kiss him, getting all happy when you do, not letting you off with just one kiss.

college bf!mingyu who would be your study buddy and tutor you on some subjects if you were having a hard time, especially during exam season. he's also packing you wholesome lunchboxes and will always remind you to take breaks and not overwork yourself. he hates it when you stay up late or pull all-nighters to study and hates seeing you in so much stress. he's pulling you away from your books and getting you to bed, holding you in his arms as you fall asleep in minutes, your body and mind tired and he kisses your forehead, whispering how much he loves you, wishing he could take away all your stress.

college bf!mingyu who would be the one to listen to all your talks about being uncertain about the future and being scared because what if you failed? he'll listen to you keenly as you lay in his arms, protected from the world. he'll tell you how great you were doing and how proud he was of you. he'll tell you that even if you failed, he was going to be here to pick you back up and that he was always going to be there for you.

taglist: @paindivinemp3 @naaaaafla @weird-bookworm @blue-jisungs @icyminghao

@wootify @idubiluv @joshuaahong @fallingforshua29 @n4mj00nvq

@itsveronicaxxx @ihrtboo @frankenstein852 @lvlystars @mirxzii @aaniag

[loveyhoons]

MY DEAR ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა | l.hj

pairing: lee hyunjae x f! reader

genre: best friends to lovers!

synopsis: hyunjae was not expecting to confess his feelings for you at his older sister’s wedding

word count: 3.5k words

warnings: mild cussing, mentions of alcohol, hyunjae being a bit too tipsy, kissing, our two leads being a bit oblivious (someone pls help them)

author’s note: hi everyone :D i finally finished this after a month of it sitting in my drafts, i hope you enjoy reading this little one shot <3

If love was a losing battlefield, that is what Lee Hyunjae pictured it to be.

The young man in his mid-20s had no idea how he kept his bottled-up feelings for his best friend L/N Y/N for so long. Everyone would make bets of when the other would crack or confess. But whenever you would hear of these silly bets or predictions, you would laugh it off, saying that you two were just best of friends.

Little did you know, those words would sting Hyunjae like a bee. And little did you know, he had a crush on you from the moment you both met as mere toddlers.

Hyunjae vividly remembered sipping on a juice box waiting for class to start, scared. He had an attachment to his parents and older sister at a young age. Whenever he was left with his grandparents or his aunt, he would start to look for them, crying out of fear.

He immediately started to sob as soon as his mom unbuckled his car seat.

Surely but slowly, making it into the classroom and out of the school parking lot, his teacher offered him an apple juice to calm him down and distract him from his mom leaving to go to work.

Hyunjae sat still, feeling nervous as soon as he found out his juice box was empty. As he put juice box down, he started to look around the classroom, trying to calm himself down. Once he saw you walk in the classroom with a big gap in your top front teeth owning a big smile and a contagious giggle, he knew from there on out that you would be his best friend for life.

And from there on, you two were peas in a pod.

No one could separate you both even if they tried. It got to the point where you were always at his or his always at yours. Your parents would always set an extra plate down at the dinner table and vice versa. It was a reoccurring thing and even your families treated you both as having an extra kid in the household.

Even at family outings, he would always tag along or you’d always tag along on his. There was never a dull moment whenever you guys were together and your families secretly swore to each other that you both would get together in the future.

Things slowly then started to change as you both reached middle school. As soon as you started having sporadic crushes on boys in your grade, Hyunjae started to feel irritated by every boy you mentioned.

Hyunjae recalled when you had a crush on the golden boy Kim Younghoon in the 8th grade. You would go on about how smart he’d be in their science class or volunteer in math, every time your teacher would ask the class to solve a problem. Hyunjae felt irritated but dealt with your yapping because after all, you are his best friend.

No matter how many times he’d be exhausted from you going on and on, he’d still listen because he cared a lot about you. He liked hearing about things that excited you- even if it was about a boy that was not him. He liked seeing you happy, it seemed to be all he cared about.

When the annual school field trip to a science museum came, Hyunjae remembered how he felt seeing you get put into a group with Younghoon.

He felt those nervous jitters he felt, the first time he saw you back in kindergarten.

He remembered, holding his hand to his chest on the ride back to the school campus, confused by all the mixed emotions he was feeling.

And that is when he realized, he may of had feelings for you that entire time. He remembered muttering to himself on the bus, leaving his best friend Juyeon concerned whether he was okay or not- thinking he was dehydrated or had a bad headache.

Scared of ruining his friendship with you, Hyunjae kept his feelings to himself. He thought they would just magically disappear like a magician saying abracadabra in their little magic tricks. He thought suppressing them would be better and it would be best to just let things be.

Those suppressed feelings worked for a bit while the both of you managed to get into your first relationships with other people throughout high school. It would all change once you both got into the same university and broke up with your partners.

And yet until the present time, the both of you still ended up single.

As the both of you then graduated, you both started your respective careers, always meeting up with your circle of friends once in a while and of course, always being together in your free time.

Sometimes Hyunjae would hang out at your apartment and sometimes you’d hang out at his.

Hyunjae realized that during all of this maybe his feelings never changed since then.

Maybe, he never did get over his feelings for you.

Now here he is, sitting at the closest table by the concessions stand of his sister’s wedding, taking another shot of God knows what with his best friends Juyeon, Kevin, and Jacob.

“Man, slow down, your sister is going to beat your ass,” Kevin muttered as Hyunjae shook his head.

Hyunjae’s older sister Yoonah was finally getting married to her boyfriend after 5 years. He was happy for his sister but as soon as he heard Younghoon was invited (his older sister so happens to be the same age as Yoonah), he felt like he was about to lock himself in his bedroom and roll into a ball. He did not know if Younghoon had a girlfriend or not- heck he never spoken to him since middle school. As soon as he saw Younghoon walk into the entrance of the city hall earlier, he felt like he was about to pull his hair out.

As he drank the remaining alcohol in his glass, he remembered Yoonah and their little conversation whilst shopping for her wedding reception.

“My baby brother, when will you admit it, you’re not getting any younger.” Yoonah sighed as she looked through the variety of utensils and plates. As she picked up one of the silver spoons, she glanced to Hyunjae who was looking away, pretending not to hear anything she said. He whistled a tune of the song he heard from Yoonah’s playlist in the car earlier, crossing his arms.

Hyunjae unwillingly agreed to help Yoonah out with the wedding ceremony preparations. As Yoonah’s best friend Naeun had a last-minute errand to run, she immediately asked Hyunjae to go with her. With Hyunjae only having one day off this week due to a large project at the office, he was exhausted, to say the least- but he could not pass on the offer of Yoonah treating him to lunch.

The two were now walking around an events coordinator's office, looking for inspiration for the wedding reception. Yoonah decided with her fiance, that it would be best if the wedding would take place half a year from the proposal. Even if it seemed like it would be far away from the current date, they wanted to prepare early and make sure everything was perfect.

“Noona, I did not come here to answer those questions.” Hyunjae sighed as he walked beside her toward the next section.

“When did you become so grumpy, you used to cling to Mom, Dad, and me all the time?” Yoonah pouted as she jokingly pulled on Hyunjae’s cheek.

“Stop it!” Hyunjae sighed as he looked around. He did not like when Yoonah drew attention to them, especially in public.

Yoonah chuckled. She shook her head, walking towards the other side of the store. “I’m just telling you, everyone knows except her.”

“You’re lying.”

“Why do our moms always talk about your guys’ future kids and their names then?”

Hyunjae looked at Yoonah in pure confusion. “They do that?”

“Well of course when you aren’t there dummy.”

Yoonah then glanced towards the different colored threads, trying to find perfect accents for the reception. She looked back to Hyunjae as she let go of the thread she held. “I’m serious though, how would you feel if she told you she met someone?”

“It’s been years Noona, plus she’s work-oriented you know her.” Hyunjae disagreed. He felt a bit uncomfortable, knowing he was just pulling excuses.

He recalled when you first told him someone asked you out on a date. It was the time when You recently just moved into your place and just finished settling down. He felt his teeth grinding on each other, giving the biggest smile. Of course, he was happy that You were ecstatic about getting asked out, but at the same time, he was dishonest with himself, wishing that it was him instead.

“I’m just telling you, you never know what could happen.”

“And what if we don’t speak again, I can’t lose her.”

“It doesn’t hurt to try,” Yoonah’s lips turned into a little smile. She then smiled. “I’d love her as a sister-in-law though.”

“Okay, I think it’s time to get lunch now Noona.”

Hyunjae glanced towards you as you were sitting by the terrace with Younghoon. You were catching up with him, reminiscing about the old times in middle school and talking about the encounters you both had even if it was just a small hi or hello.

He felt like that conversation with Yoonah was now biting him in the butt as if it was destined to happen.

Hyunjae focused on how your lips turned into a wide smile every time Younghoon would talk or how your right dimple poked out whenever you’d laugh. He hated that you were laughing with someone else- that was not him. He put down his empty glass, asking the waiter to give him another.

“Now, I know why he’s drinking.” Juyeon nudged both Kevin and Jacob, eyeing you with Younghoon.

The two then looked at you and back to Hyunjae, realizing what was going on.

“Bro, you’re an idiot.” Jacob sighed.

“Guys, let me be.” Hyunjae muttered.

“It’s your sister’s wedding, shouldn’t you be happy right now?” Juyeon asked.

Hyunjae shook his head, letting out a dry laugh. “I’m happy I promise.”

“Jae, we all know that you’re dying on the inside knowing Y/N is talking to Younghoon after so long. You’re scared aren’t you?” Kevin asked.

Hyunjae glared at Kevin and shook his head again. He laughed and thanked the waiter and took another sip from the glass.

Juyeon then tapped Kevin and Jacob’s shoulders, huddling with them behind Hyunjae. “Guys, I may have a plan…” He muttered softly.

“Huh?” Jacob asked.

Kevin sighed, crossing his arms. “What did you have in mind?”

Juyeon smirked. “You guys do know Younghoon has a girlfriend right?”

Everyone was busy partying on the dance floor as Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars started to play. With strobe lights glistening and loud music blaring throughout the reception hall, it seemed not to bother Hyunjae much as he was stuck in his own little world.

Hyunjae was unaware of how many drinks he asked the waiter for. He did not realize that his friends were dancing on the dance floor and left him alone to his own devices.

Little did he know, Juyeon went up towards You and Younghoon, interrupting your small talk. After he pointed towards Hyunjae, showing you what happened, you sat your glass of Champagne down.

You said goodbye to Younghoon and told Juyeon a quick thanks, telling him you would take care of Hyunjae. You knew your best friend better than himself and that him and alcohol did not mix well.

You walked quickly to where Hyunjae was and sighed. He had his head down, facing the other side, already asleep. You shook his shoulder a little, trying to see if he was conscious or not.

Hyunjae sat up and turned towards you. He muttered a hi and smiled a little. He felt a bit tipsy from whatever he drank but could somewhat still tell what was going on.

Somewhat.

You rolled your eyes, a bit annoyed with Hyunjae. Out of all the times he decided to drink, it had to be right now at the reception hall of his sister’s wedding. “Jae, what happened?”

“Can we get some air please?” Hyunjae asked softly. “I just need air right now.”

“Can you even walk?” You asked.

Hyunjae stood up from his seat, wobbling a little. He gave you a little thumbs up as he walked and stumbled a little to the side entrance. You put his arm around yours for balance as you both walked out.

The both of you then sat on a bench right by where the large fountain was. It was a nice little seating area that had a path that led straight to the parking lot. It was quiet and peaceful out here with no one around. All you could hear was just the trees swaying in the wind below the night sky and the water sprouting out from the top splashing down to the bottom of the fountain.

The music was blaring still but it was now a bit muffled as the side doors to the reception hall was closed shut.

“Y/N, I need, I need to tell you something.” Hyunjae stammered a little.

“And what is that?” You asked.

“Do you like Younghoon again?”

You blinked your eyes rapidly, taken aback by Hyunjae’s question. You know Hyunjae did not take his alcohol well but never was he that blunt to ask such a question.

“No?” You replied in confusion. “He has a girlfriend Jae.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear. Good for him.” Hyunjae’s lips formed into a smile as you laughed to yourself.

“Why did you ask?”

“Maybe it’s cause I hate to see you with someone, that’s not me.”

Your breath hitched a little. Taken aback by Hyunjae’s words, you looked intently at him. You knew alcohol could be someone’s worst enemy and it seemed to be your own best friend’s right now- revealing something that you could have never imagined. “Can you, can you say that one more time?”

Hyunjae felt himself wake up little by little. He did not know if he was dreaming or not, but if he was, he decided it was now or never. Because frankly, when would he even admit to his own feelings?

“Y/N, I don’t want you to laugh with someone that’s not me. I don’t want you to see you smiling with someone that’s not me. I want it to be me.” Hyunjae said as he turned his head towards you. “All these years I wished it was me Y/N.”

“You’re my best friend,” You said under your breath. “I never thought you’d see me in that light.”

“Wasn’t I obvious Y/N?” Hyunjae asked. “I don’t know but ever since we graduated, I think I just fell more in love with you. Our lives now, it’s as if we’re together, don’t you think?”

You gulped a little. It felt like your little conversation with Younghoon was about to come to life in just a snap of a finger.

“So, are you and your best friend a thing yet?” Younghoon peered his eyes in Hyunjae’s direction. You glanced towards Hyunjae who was drinking with his best guy friends.

You looked back to Younghoon and shook your head. “Oh, Hyunjae and I? We are just best friends. Always have and always will be.”

“Are you sure about that?” Younghoon laughed. He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “I see your Instagram stories once in a while, you guys are always together.”

“Let’s just say we never really thought of each other in that sense- I mean I’ll admit there was this one point in college when I started to question my feelings for him but I just let it go.”

“And why did you?” Younghoon sighed. “I remember in the 8th grade this one time, you remember that field trip we went on right?”

“Oh yeah, that, what about it?”

“The way he looked at me from afar,” Younghoon said. “It looked like he was about to fight me or threaten me. I never seen him so mad in my life.”

“Huh?” You asked in confusion.

“Y/N, you’re a bit oblivious. I do think deep down you like him, you just don’t want to address that elephant in the room.”

You let out a laugh. “Younghoon-”

“Y/N. I’m serious. I know you liked me but don’t get me wrong, a few boys did like you too.” Younghoon sat up. “We knew we’d never stand a chance next to Hyunjae. That’s why I was surprised when I heard you had a boyfriend that wasn’t him in high school through a mutual friend.”

“Oh,” You replied.

“That’s beside the point though. Maybe it’s your guys' turn to admit to each other’s feelings.”

“This is funny hearing it from a guy I used to like.” You laughed awkwardly as Younghoon shook his head. “I am very flattered Y/N, but I really do wish you and him the best.”

You snapped out of your thoughts and back to Hyunjae who was staring right at you with his cheeks as red as a tomato. You blinked your eyes rapidly, feeling your heart race.

Were you too blinded by the fact he was your best friend? Or were you too scared to lose him?

“Jae, I think you just need some air-”

“Y/N please, please listen to me,” Hyunjae replied.

You start to think again about you and Hyunjae and these past few years and how,

you both never resorted to dating ever since the both of you dated your exes.

How you both were always at each other’s places no matter how hectic life got.

How you both were always reminded of each other wherever you went.

How you both always ditched the others at dinner to get ice cream at the nearest parlor near your apartment.

How you both had each other at your beck and call whenever you or he needed someone.

How you both fell asleep in each other’s arms during your late-night talks on his couch.

How you both never once left each other not even once since the day you both met.

You took in a deep breath, feeling tears form in your eyes. You felt overwhelmed, to say the least, that maybe after all this time, you did like Hyunjae. Maybe it was the fear of losing your best friend that made you never want to admit your feelings.

“I never realized it. I’m so sorry Jae, I really am.”

Hyunjae started to regain his composure little by little. Realizing what he just said, he gulped. This was no dream, it all was happening in real life. He felt his heart beat even faster, perplexed by how straightforward he was. He can’t believe what he just did- he never thought he had the courage to.

As soon as he started to see tears form in your eyes, he opened them wider, in panic. “Y/N, wait-”

“Why did you have to do this at the wedding?” You asked as he put his hand to your eyes, wiping the tears away. You pouted, “Ugh, Jae my makeup.”

The both of you then smiled as he shook his head. “You’re beautiful Y/N, have I told you that?” You let out a little laugh, never seeing your best friend this smitten over you. He then glanced towards the side doors, shaking his head. “I’m going to beat their asses later.”

Hyunjae sighed, as he referred to his guy best friends whose little plan seemed to be working in their favor. “Y/N-”

“Jae, did you like me all this time?” You asked softly.

Hyunjae took in a deep breath. There’s no going back now, he had to admit to it. “Yes. Yes, I held it in. I didn’t want to lose you. I was scared because we’ve been in each other’s lives for so long, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

“Oh my Jae, I’m so sorry I never realized it. It’s my fault.” You choked a little as Hyunjae shook his head. “No, it’s both our faults for not owning up to anything.”

“What do we do now?” You asked, letting out a little sigh.

“Are you okay with me doing this?” Hyunjae asked.

You nodded your head as he put his lips on yours. He held your face softly as a tear then escaped your eye. As you pulled away, you bit your lip a little. “Jae...”

“Hmm?” Hyunjae hummed softly.

“Thank you for never giving up on me.”

“Anything for you my dear,” Hyunjae whispered. “Thank you for being my best friend and now someone I could love dearly with all my heart.”

You both smiled in silence, as he pulled you in again for another kiss.

Little did both 6-year-old You and Hyunjae know that their future was already written the moment you stepped into the classroom that one sunlit day.

© loveyhoons , 2024

landing page | masterlist

[warsamongthestars]

Since i Don't Like the TBB set up, how bout some health alternatives?

THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN REX Corny title, I know.

The idea here is that Rex hasn't ever been a main character. He's been support only, reactive to other stronger personalities. A show that centers around Rex Could be beneficial to his character, and be a clone centric show.

( I woudln't trust the TBB writers with it--but there's someone out there that can pull it off. )

In this story, instead of following the BBs, we replace them with Captain Rex. The story goes is that, after the crash of the ship, he reinfiltrates Kamino to see the situation from the homeworld, and runs into Omega.

Instead of BBs having Omega, Rex does. ( Justified by the fact that Rex, has in fact said on screen with the full implications, that he wanted kids. Perfect match I think. )

Rex is building a rebellion and was high ranking--of course he would know about informants like Cid. He would work with her to build contacts, which justifies meeting Guest Characters and slowly building the rebellion, whilst on the side trying to raise Omega.

It comes to a head in Season 2 when the Empire takes interest in Rex.

And season 3, the final season, ends with Rex facing the Tantis project, just one of many horrors that occurred to Clones.

Your Crosshair arc could be replaced with Cody. Positions of the side teammates being Wolffe and Gregor as the show progressed, to match up with Rebels.

And suddenly, everything clicks.

The shallow impact of the BBs would be immediately covered by the fact that Rex has had 7 years to be developed and solidified as a character, and wouldn't require either introduction or set up, just to get him to where the story needs him. Same with everyone else.

Even Omega taking the spotlight wouldn't take so much issue, beacuse as a new character she needs development to solidify her position in the Galaxy Far Far Away as a character, and it wouldn't be any skin off Rex's teeth.

CLONE FORCE 99 (As opposed to the "Bad Batch")

Instead of occurring in a post Order 66 era, its a series of complication arcs that occur at various times over the course of the Clone Wars involving The Bad Batch. It explores character histories and dynamics, missions and backstories, of course exploring the Galaxy Far Far Away.

And the last season introduces Echo, and then we End at Order 66. The purpose is that Order 66 leaves the BB's fate ambiguous.

No ending has to be happy, or known. Tragedy has its place, and is even needed to make a piece relevant.

THE OMEGA PROJECT

A show that actually centers around Omega, and a few select cadet characters. In the narrative style of Rebels, young cadet and odd clone Omega now has to navigate a new galaxy, post Order 66, and what her purpose in the Kaminonian "Omega Project" is...

No Bad Batch this time, no overly despairing themes. This is explicitly a kid's show.

If you want to Focus on Omega, then focus on Omega. She doesn't bring anything to the Bad Batch that doesn't diminish them in some way--so just give her, her own show. Boom, problems solved.

So yeah, there's three shows that could've been made from the TBB rough draft mess.

[herrscherrofyatta]

Splintered Heart

Chapter 21

Pairing: Ayato x reader, Kazuha x reader

Genre: Arranged marriage, fluff, angst, multiple ending, slow burn

summary: a detective comes over to the estate to find out the truth while Ayato catches up with old friends

Placing the small plushie, a gift from Ayato, on the pillows before leaving the room and seeing that Ayato and Thoma hadn't come back just yet.

Feeling a bit better than yesterday, you go outside to see none of your friends there since you do wake up pretty early as a habit.

"Good morning, my lady." A guard at the door says as you smile at him.

"Good morning, any news about my husband and Thoma?" You ask them but he shakes his head.

"I'm afraid not, my apologies."

"It's alright, I hope everything is alright on his side." You go back inside to work on the documents that needed to be seen by Ayato. An hour goes by when you pick up a document that has something that interests you a lot.

"A festival....oh, it's the test of courage! I love this one." You mumble, reading through it. Ayato had always made sure to put more effort into things like since he knew you loved the horror genre.

It looked like it was going to be the same as usual but you knew Ayato always had something under his sleeve so you were really looking forward to this.

Another hour goes by when Kazuha strolls in, "there you are," you look up at this, "everyone is waiting for the lady of the house outside for breakfast." He watches as you blink at this before shaking your head.

"You all can go ahead and eat, no need to wait for me. I need to finish these papers." You go back to working until you glance up to see him still standing there, arms crossed as he gives you a look.

Sighing, you give in, "alright, I'll eat with everyone."

He smiles at this, walking ahead and the guards outside give him a look as you two pass by, waving at Mei who waves at you, clearly happy that Kazuha has convinced you to come and eat with him.

"Good morning, everyone. I hope you all had a good night's rest and I apologize for what happened yesterday."

Albedo shakes his head, "there's no need to apologize, those people have been tormenting you for a long time."

"He's right, personally I think that once Ayato comes back, you two can solve thid problem once and for all." Mei adds as you smile at her.

"Well, it would be nice to have peace and quiet but even if we get rid of them, I am still the wife of Ayato so I still put a target on my back."

Mei looks down at her plate of food as you pick up your cup of tea, "....right, last time you were kidnapped during the Decree."

Kazuha almost spits out his tea at this.

You nod, "yes but I never doubt Ayato's plan so my capture was merely a bait." Kazuha looks at you dumbfounded, you were okay with being captured???

"Our plan was a success in the end, Watasumi's soldiers were able to make it to the Shogan's place without a problem."

"You took place in that?" Kazuha said.

"Of course, Ayato may have not been able to physically show his dislike for the decree. I, on the other hand was known to hate the decree after losing my vision." You said.

"You lost it?" Mei shakes her head, remembering that incident well. "She gave it to Sara after the death of Tomo and just like any other vision bearer, she lost her ambition."

Kazuha looks at you for confirmation but all he saw was a solemn expression on your face as you stared at the plate in front of you. "Y/n?"

"I have no recollection of that time nor do I want to know."

The table goes quiet and everyone begins to eat, Ayaka glances over at you then down, trying to think of something to brighten up the atmosphere.

"....I heard the drafts of the portraits are going well, isn't that right Albedo?"

The blonde looks up from cleaning Klee's face full of crumbs. "That's right although I don't think I can finish it during my stay here since I need to return to Mondstadt."

"I understand, the festival I planned is probably going to be pushed back due to my health and Ayato might not want me to push myself." You explain, sighing, "but I'll send you an invitation!"

Klee cheers at this, "I can't wait to come back again!" She giggles as you smile at her and everyone goes back to finishing their breakfast.

As one of your servants is cleaning the table, Albedo pulls you to the side and away from everyone and you two speak in a hush tone.

"Not that I don't think you're capable of taking care of yourself but I feel extremely bad for leaving you in a time where Ayato isn't here." He says as you shake your hands at this.

"It's completely fine, you and Klee need to go back home and I can reassure you that us Kamisatos can take care of ourselves so please," placing a hand on your chest, "you can return home without worry."

Albedo stares at you for a moment before nodding, "alright, we will be leaving today at sunset."

"I'll be there to send you two off."

—

You were inside when a guard approached you, bowing before speaking. "My lady," glancing up from the piles of paper you look at him. "The detective you asked for has arrived and is currently waiting outside for you."

Standing up, you dismiss the guard and go to the room Kazuha was currently staying in. Knocking on the door, you heard his muffled voice from the inside. "I'll be right there."

Taking a step back, you wait.

The door slides open to reveal Kazuha, "oh Y/n, is there something you needed?"

"The detective is here and waiting for us outside, I came to fetch you." You explain to him as he slowly nods, closing the door to follow you, leading the way, you gesture out with your hand.

"Kazuha," he lets out a hum, "the detective we're going to meet is someone you can trust and tell everything from your side of things."

Opening the doors, the guards look at you before a voice is heard.

"Hey there," Kazuha blinks at the sight of the detective sitting at the table before standing up, "dear cousin! It's been so long!"

Smiling at this, you agree, "it has been, hasn't it? Cousin Heizou."

Kazuha's jaw downs in surprise, watching as you hug Heizou, with a big bright smile on your lips as he pats your back softly.

Heizou pulls away, his eyes examining your face and noticing the lack of sleep you've gotten, "that husband of yours hasn't been letting you get much sleep, huh?" He says in a teasing tone as he grins at the sight of your face flushing bright red at this as you swap your hand at his shoulder.

"H-heizou! Not in front of Kazuha, please." You mumble embarrassed, covering your lips with the sleeve of the kimono you wore, "plus....Ayato never puts his hands on me unless I tell him to do so."

The burgundy haired man just laughs, "I'm pulling your leg, cousin! I came as early as I could upon your request to see him." The tips of your ears are still red as you lead the two men to the table, gesturing them to sit down.

Sighing, you look at Heizou with a serious expression, "Heizou, the reason I called for you was to ask if you can help fill in the blanks of the past, both of me and Kazuha."

Your cousin looks at Kazuha before looking back at you, "wait....he was the dude who..?"

You nod your head at this as he hums, a hand under his chin as he thinks before speaking again, "well, I know mostly everything that has happened on Y/n's side," he side eyes Kazuha, "but you have a lot of explaining to do. Such as why you left my cousin heartbroken for several years and only just now showed your face."

Kazuha nods, he knows he should explain everything with the chance you've given to listen to what he was to say.

"The day I left Y/n, we were in plans of getting engaged in secret so she could leave her home but after I became the heir of my clan, I decided to send away every single one of the servants so I can finally travel around without anything holding me back."

Your gaze shifts to your hands, narrowed down filled pain as you realize that you were just something holding him back—

"and that included Y/n as well." Your eyes widen at Heizou's words.

Kazuha is caught off guard, "..no, she wasn't..."

Your cousin narrows his eyes at him, "well it sounds like it, like you left her to break ties with everything that reminded you of what responsibilities you could've had if you decide to stay as the heir of your clan."

Kazuha looks over you but all he sees is your head down, hands clenched together without saying a single word.

"Heizou please, let him finish." You whisper loud enough for him to sigh, crossing his arms.

"The last time I saw her, I promised to always send her a letter with the recent travels I do around Inazuma and that was the last time we talked face to face until recently."

Heizou writes this down, glancing over at you to confirm what Kazuha said.

"Yes, he did say he would."

The more Kazuha explained, the more Heizou was slowly connecting the missing dots of his story and how many things started to clear up things for you.

"I wrote letters upon letters until one day, I received one from her."

Heizou continues to write his words down, "what did those letters say? Can you remember?"

He gives the white haired man a moment to think, "she wrote what she always tells me, that she loves me and couldn't wait to see me again."

The detective hums, looking over at you, "Y/n?"

You glance at him, "I received a few letters but never sent any since around that time my engagement to Ayato was official in private." You say, making Kazuha's eyes go wide.

"Kazuha, if it's possible, I would like those letters handed over for this case, is that alright?"

"Of course, but I don't think it's necessary."

Heizou sighs at this, "look, I think it's possible that someone was forging those letters using Y/n's name. I know that when her engagement to the Yashiro Commissioner was announced publicly, she had already moved in at this estate since I was there to help her pack some of the things she had taken from her home." He explains, remembering that day so clearly.

"My father had always disapproved of our relationship, as he saw that a marriage with you would not benefit the l/n clan so when you left, he was quick to move to Ayato." You explain to them.

The three of you spent all day trying to bring more context to Heizou, "so to summarize Kazuha's part in all this, he stated that he sent letters and Y/n would respond, in his mind, she had stayed still and waited for you. The person you two had in common was Tomo, my condolences to you two, he was a great man."

Your face falters at this, letting out a shaky sigh, resting your hand on your chest, "now the question, did Tomo know and stay silent?"

Your cousin looks at you, "y/n, if you could explain your side now? You don't have to explain some parts if you're comfortable talking about them, it's alright." Nodding your head, you take a deep breath and slowly start to talk.

"After Kazuha left, I got engaged to Ayato and quickly moved in to escape my father's grasp as you know my father is a terrible man."

'Please! I beg you Ayato, don't let me go back home! My father will surely punish me for not following his orders!' Teenager you cried to Ayato, 'my sister has probably made up another horrible lie about me!'

"It was a dinner between the Kamisatos and the L/n clan," you recall, "about our engagement going public, my sister was trying too hard to get Ayato's attention but was angry at the sight of him paying more attention to me than her, spilling her drink on me by pretending to trip—" you sigh, remembering everything that happened, rubbing the side of your head, "my father demanded I take the blame but I didn't. That's when I moved in, Heizou came by a few days later to congratulate me and the two of us went back to the l/n estate to gather a few of my things before we were kicked out."

Kazuha could only see the way your eyes filled with adoration, "Ayato had welcomed me with open arms that day." Just by speaking about the man.

He couldn't help but listen to how painful you spoke about the years that you hoped that he would come back and keep his promise of coming back for you.

Once your explanation was done, Heizou was still scribbling away while you tried to calm down your shaky hands, speaking on this topic wasn't hard but you couldn't help but feel a bit shaken up about how you truly thought of these years.

Taking a peek at the man who you used to love years ago, you're taken back as your eyes widened at the sight of a tear rolling down his face as he stares at you.

You could feel tears building as he sniffs, lowering his head in shame, "you've been...." More tears fall from his lashes as he lets out a shaky sigh, "you've been waiting... for me this whole time?"

Your tears continue to grow yet they don't fall, making your vision blur from them and the bottom of your lips begins to tremble as they start to fall.

"I'm...sorry." he says in a quavering voice.

Standing up, you cover your face with your hand before heading back inside, leaving the two men alone as Heizou sighs for what seems the hundredth time that day.

It seems like Kazuha was going to run after you, but he intervened, "don't, she doesn't need you right now." He grips his arm as Kazuha refuses to look back at him.

"Look, even if you do somehow win her back, what will happen to the life she built here as a noble? Her relationship with the Yashiro Commissioner, years of friendship gone to waste simply because you come back after years of silence. She's a noble, the wife of someone important in Inazuma and you're a wanderer with no thought of settling down permanently. That's something no amount of time is ever going to change.

I know you, Kazuha, as well as my cousin, she would not leave this life for anything."

"But...I love her." Kazuha sniffs.

"If you truly love her, you'll let her go, for her sake and yours. Someone like her won't get used to moving around from place to place."

He lets go of him, frowning when he sees go where you headed to.

"You'll only get yourselves hurt."

Heizou says, rubbing the back of his head as he feels a headache growing. "Love can be so complicated sometimes. I'll just go back to the office and work on this."

—

"Happy Lantern Rite everyone! I didn't expect to bump into someone important from Inazuma, Zhongli if you can introduce these two gentlemen."

Thoma smiles at the girl as Ayato nods at her, "Everyone, this is Lord Ayato and this is Thoma, his friend and housekeeper of the Kamisato estate."

"It's a pleasure to meet everyone." Ayato says, "I must say that my sudden appearance might shock some of you, I was invited by Miss Eden but it seems like she's not here."

Hu Tao's eyes light up at this, "oh! She said she would be coming in a little late. Right, Xiao?"

Everyone looks at the conqueror of demons, "...yes, that's right."

Ayato made sure Thoma sat down as he had the habit of standing behind him during events like this back in Inazuma.

While everyone was digging in, there was a small conversation happening when the door to the restaurant opened.

"My apologies for arriving late, Yun Jin needed some guidance with something—oh, Ayato and Thoma, you two made it."

"Y/—"

"It's Eden, Hu Tao." The brown haired girl stops, rubbing the back of her head, "oh yeah, glad you could make it!"

Eden and another person with braided hair, who introduced himself as Venti, bard from Mondstadt, "I was catching up with an old friend." She smiles at the bard who smiles back, "I didn't notice the time."

Greetings everyone, Ayato watches as the Conqueror of Demons gets up from his seat, grabbing the chair and placing it behind Eden who didn't quite notice his actions.

He blinks as Xiao brings out another chair and sits back down like nothing happened, crossing his arms.

"You'll be leaving tonight, right Ayato?" She asks, "bring Y/n and little Ayaka next time."

They smile at each other before Zhongli places hand on the woman's hip, making her look down at her.

"Dear, sit down on my lap. I'm afraid there are no more seats." Eden blinks at this, looking around the table before looking behind to see the chair Xiao put earlier and feeling a tug on her hip, pulling her towards him.

"I can sit here." She says, sliding the chair in and sitting down, "Thank you, Conqueror of Demons." She smiles at the Adepti before everyone starts to eat.

Lumine and Paimon were speaking to Xiao while Eden spoke with Ayato.

"Ayato, I really do hope your wife gets better. Here, I prepared a gift for her." She picks a bag up from the floor, one he didn't notice at first. "This is an amulet, it has the Adepti's blessing for protection, the decree must have been hard for your family."

Thoma sigh, "tell me about it." He lets out a nervous chuckle.

"I also prepare some for you two as well." She sees, patting the bag. "And a couple lanterns, souvenirs as well."

Accepting the gifts, the night comes to an end as Ayato and Thoma say their goodbyes to everyone and head to the boat to take them back to Inazuma.

Thoma looks over Ayato who stood, watching the water below with his arms crossed, he seems to be in deep thought.

"Good night."

"..good night, Thoma." He leaves him there and heads off to bed.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Taglist: @thetwinkims @aurressence @woncafe @loveknows @aixaingela @suzuyamitsuki @yourlocalwalkingbi @kimura-uzuri @jihaegguk @prefesro @aria-haru @forgot-the-acronym @yoshikuno @dazaiscum @bananazzzen @kaelysian @fluffimemes @zannivrs @kazeniya @astreankitsune @xiaosimpdamn @twistedrxses @pagkaiin @yeahhemmings- @cocosakuya15 @eclipse247 @eissaaaa @useless-potatho @tvgirlfangirl @justacatenthusiast @brinex @surrin7 @reinvqx @xxyuixe @kumiko-desu @myesno @milkyonyourway @03050912 @lavunyan @horodoine @shirmxie @sanaldn @horodoine @felkie @superwormysstuff @shirmxie

[im-a-king-baby]

For the Director's commentary: I would love some more background thoughts around chapter 12 when Simon stays overnight with Wille and also cannot sleep and needs the drugs. I've thought about what went through his mind that night...

oh mannn, so I started writing this a while back after someone commented something similar (possibly also you?) and it just kept getting longer and more depressing 😬

Also then my commentary also got long (no surprised there) so it's under the cut, usual TW for talk of addiction.

This is an interesting moment to talk about the writing of because this concept of Simon getting up in the night and phoning Kevan actually came pretty late in editing. The biggest plothole in draft 1 was how everyone found out they were in Bjarstad (there was a fill-in but it didn't really make sense and it was just there to get to the Confrontations which are key to the plot) and I was doing the usual washing-dishes-musing-about-sad-popstars at work when I had the (in hindsight obvious) realisation that Simon does not carry unlimited drugs on his person and would, in fact, be sobering up. He doesn't have a source of drugs in Bjarstad and he's not (at this point) interested in getting sober.

The research I did about cocaine addiction talked about how long term use can affect your ability to feel good things without the drugs. When you've been binging and you stop there's a crash with associated depressive thoughts, anxiety, cravings. It's also a stimulant, so Simon finishes his supply off to try and act like a functional person while Wilhelm is awake, but then he's got nothing to go from the high to sleeping (typically he would also have a downer, eg a sleeping pill or xanax, to end the night on so he could sleep and start again in the morning.) So basically he's lying there, wide awake, he doesn't want to wake Wilhelm up but also his thoughts are spiralling downwards as the happy chemicals drain away.

And then the thoughts start up of 'if I just had a bit more, if I had the pills, I have to get through tonight but also I have to be able to act like a functional human tomorrow when wilhelm wakes up and I don't know where to get anything in Bjarstad and also Simme can't be seen buying drugs in Bjarstad because that would be Bad, but Wilhelm deserves better than me being shitty to him just because I'm sober.'

There is a thing with addiction and rehab about needing to hit rock bottom to make a change, which usually involves being hit by consequences. Simon's position and his team has left him pretty sheltered from the consequences of his addictions (he's always got access to drugs, he's not missing commitments because they're steering him between them, he doesn't have to worry about affording it) but he needed to hit that low moment.

The issue in draft 1 without the phone call was that Candace showed up but nothing had really changed for Simon. She said some crap because she was angry but there was nothing Simon didn't already know (fun fact: I was scrolling through cut sections the other day and some of Candace's lines in C13 are almost word-for-word matches to lines I took away from Simon in the hotel room (they worked as his thoughts but it didn't fit to have him saying them out loud).). So the existence of the phone call, and the way it roped Wilhelm in when part of wanting the drugs was to stop Wilhelm from seeing how Simon felt sober ('I just want you to be happy' - Wilhelm, chapter 16) was this consequence that Simon was suddenly faced with.

And in a way, it had already been solved. Candace had already bribed the hotel, she's very accustomed to covering up this kind of fuck-up, but for Simon the reality of how close he came to hurting Wilhelm was definitely part of the catalyst to 'this isn't working, something has to change here.' (Then add on all the shit Candace says when Simon is too tired/depressed/sober to fight back (which again Simon would not take anywhere near as hard if Wilhelm hadn't been there to see it because what Wilhelm thinks of Simon matters a lot more than what Simon thinks of Simon))

But now I am jumping ahead to C13, sorry! In the night, he's not thinking that far ahead. He's thinking there is a phone right there, he can figure out the hotel and remember Kevan's room number, drugs will arrive and he'll take them and in the morning he'll get to smile and kiss Wilhelm more and *handwave* things will work out. There is no long term plan beyond getting something to smooth off the edges of his brain, and there's not even a real plan for how to do that (do not ask your employees to uber you drugs, folks). He's desperate, he's depressed, and he's hoping someone else will fix it because someone else (cough Candace cough) has always fixed it.

And then he finds a bottle of wine at the back of the cupboard and drinks the whole thing so that he can at least finally fall asleep.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with the whole depressing sprawl of a scene, but here is a Simon POV extract for you:

Then Wilhelm yawns, nudging Simon back and rolling onto his side, the invitation to cuddle up clear, and this was why Simon finished the coke, wasn’t it? Just because his blood is racing and his heart is pumping doesn’t mean he can keep Wilhelm awake trying to explain why it wasn’t okay to go further before but it is now because Simon is okay now, and trying to explain why he’s okay without Wilhelm asking questions or turning on the light. So he rolls onto his side while Wilhelm wraps an arm around his shoulders and tries to still his racing thoughts, tries to focus on something that isn’t how much he wants to turn back, capture Wilhelm’s mouth with his. He runs through songs in his head. Not his own - not the ones he has etched into his bones - but the songs they used to sing as children. There’s nothing like a love song, his mama used to say, on the nights when Micke wasn’t home until late and they could turn the radio up and dance around the living room. There’s a song about staying awake, just to hear you breathing. There’s a song about finding love in a hopeless place. There’s a song that goes I’ve hungered for your touch, a long lonely time. “All the great love songs are sad,” Simon finds himself saying. Wilhelm’s forehead presses against the back of his neck, his breath is warm on Simon’s skin. “Write one for me,” he says. Simon thinks about standing in a recording booth singing Hold on to every moment ‘til I find you, or Que hermoso es ser amado, or I’d want to feel like that. Imagining Wilhelm’s arms around his waist, Wilhelm’s eyes watching him from across the room. ‘Who do you think about when you sing the love songs?’ Laura had asked, not even twenty four hours ago. Simon closes his eyes, counts Wilhelm’s breaths as they settle out waits until Wilhelm must be asleep before letting himself reply. “They’re all for you.”

[aohendo]

Happy Blorbsday! (to be answered anytime on any day because every day is blorbsday)

How have you been? I have been missing you and dear Kiris on my dash.

What kind of horrors has he been facing lately? Please feel free to go off about any OC thoughts that have been plaguing you or any trauma you have been inflicting on our favorite sad boy.

Happy Blorbsday!!

Life is certainly life 😅 Good and busy and nothing bad, just a lot. Expecting to get even busier over the next few months, too, so that's gonna be.... fun.

(It will be it's just I also like sleep).

Kiris, oh Kiris. This poor guy.

About two weeks ago, went back and blocked out all my ideas on how to fix Prince's plot: there's a few scenes to add, a few to rearrange, and a handful to cut, but Disney princess necromancy has solved all the issues! Into the fourth draft of it, now, which after a SPAG pass will be the version I send out to a first round of beta readers. My guesstimate is I'll be searching for people for that starting mid-late July!

The current horror Kiris facing today is *gasp* tea with 'L Tuola the empress. Doesn't sound terrible on the surface, but there's casually another prince being eaten by a hawk in the background, Ta Ritasa the advisor is being generally creepy, and 'L Tuola makes it very clear what she'll do to find the Prophet (who may or may not be trying to casually sip his tea (which also isn't really tea and Kiris hates it) across from her) and that she knows about Kiris' magic. Also some more set up stuff for the 'L Tuola/necromancy plot line, which Kiris is beginning to steadily really not appreciate even though he's pretty sure said necromancy is the only way to save his mentor from... one of his own prophecies.

In the span of the next two chapters after this, poor guy's gonna have two separate murder attempts on him and he's going to fail to save his mentor--the only person who's ever really cared about him. Shortly thereafter, Ta Ritasa begins finding ways to force magic from Kiris (guy's about to get wrung like a sponge 😬), a principality gets destroyed (and it's mostly Kiris' fault), and we begin the 'there's a fraud among us!' plotline. Not to mention the Turre getting even creepier, or Duvutriok coming around with various princes' heads, or all Batar's blackmail, or Iiriok trying to be friendly and compassionate (but clearly, obviously, he must have some further angle to it...)

Kiris just wants to hide under his bed. I'm really just hitting him with a baseball bat at this point, poor dude. Does not deserve this treatment.

I promise, these are all necessary steps in getting him his hug, though!

The goal for this draft is no more than 110k. That should be a fairly easy 10k to shave off during line edits, and 100k is a really nice spot for fantasy right about now. If I really had to in those future line edits I could probably get it even shorter (looking at Reverberate, which I somehow knocked from 123k down to 111k, but I genuinely don't know how), but I don't want to. Once I get to the halfway mark in about 2.5 chapters, I'm gonna go ahead and rewrite the tentative query letter for this thing--I've learned my lesson from Reverberate: it's much easier to do the query letter before the final draft, so that'll be a nice pause to get my thoughts in order.

How's everything with you? Haven't been around much lately (which is a shame, because I do miss popping in and seeing where everyone else is at with their projects and OCs. Gotta get back on that...)

[izzy-b-hands]

fanfic asks! 5, 8, and 14

Ella!!! Thank you for asking 🫂🫂

Putting this under a cut because I am a wordy motherfucker as ever and This Got Long, I'm So Sorry💖

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Oh god. So Many fkldsjaflkdsjfa. I'll stop at twoish here, but pls know that if y'all want more for other fandoms, I can add to this post with more lmaoo, I love sharing these.

-There was one for LOTR that still sticks in my brain years since first having it: Sam suddenly leaving the Shire and wandering aimlessly, but refusing to settle anywhere.

Over the course of it, he would get help/care/concern from wherever he stopped with whoever remained in each location, but he would refuse to stay for more than a few days or accept more than like. Bare bones food/medical care/etc, leading to literally everyone he meets and of course his family and friends still in the Shire to go to Frodo to beg, plead with him.

One last adventure, because their grand adventure to save the world and destroy the ring changed Sam too, even if he never showed it as much. Don't let him go where no one else can follow, and bring him home.

Whether Frodo would or not was the bit that made me shelve the idea, bc I figured a lot of fans would not enjoy the potential avenue I was leaning towards, that he might hesitate only in that he isn't sure he can handle the journey himself.

That, and realising that the way my brain wanted to write it, it might well end with Frodo and Sam realising neither of them can bare to go back, and deciding to wander together until they'd either die or find elves sailing willing to take them to the Undying Lands.

-There's a whole bundle of Saints Row ideas, mostly Gat/Aisha/Boss and all fairly heavy in being AUs where Aisha lives and things go slightly differently for Gat in SR 3 &4 (I'd keep the aliens tho lmao, I want Aisha to get to go to space too dang it!!)

A lot of Gat realising that he keeps nearly losing the people closest to him that give him reason to live (Aisha and the Boss, tho of course the rest of the Saints as well to a slightly lesser extent), but that he doesn't know how to be anything else for them. He's a living weapon many a time, and is genuinely happy that way, but knows that it puts them in danger because he tends to always escalate things, even when later he can admit maybe shooting a motherfucker in the face over a Costco discount was actually not the best way to solve that issue. However, ultimately, The Boss can't seem to live any other way either, and he's accepted that he's at his happiest when he has both of them in his life, so he can't just up and cut with Aisha to a random suburb and leave the Boss behind. And Aisha, despite her contempt for a lot of it, during one of their Big Talks would admit that even if she dislikes what they do, she does enjoy the lifestyle and knows Boss and Gat would be losing their minds trying to adjust to any other life.

On that note, that's also a fic idea I'll probably never write for them lol, where they go straight and move away to somewhere entirely new with Gat and the Boss having to get actual 8-5 jobs (and maybe something remote for Aisha bc I know it would still be risky for her to ever leave the house but. Goddamn let her do something!! Talk to some other ppl!!!) and just. It's not going to last and they know it won't, all three of them, but they're also three of the stubbornest fucking people alive so. When it ends, it'll go up in flames for everyone around them until they're living in a way they find satisfying again.

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

Somehow too many and not enough at the same time. That is, I'm having a lot of percolating ideas for new things and ways to continue current drafts for a few different fandoms, but none of it is making it down onto paper (without being deleted two minutes later at least lol.)

That said, a couple draft examples:

-an OFMD S2 fix it gentlebeard POV, Stede specifically, wherein the crew comes to visit and be their first official guests and it's...a lot for them. They both already feel the place isn't fixed up enough and then the crew comes in all jovial and essentially as one big happy polycule w/arms full of loot (actually gifts for Ed & Stede that are indeed looted, but my two lil goofballs gotta have their emotional moments before they get that info and realise that the crew isn't just trying to show off & make them feel shit for staying on land.)

This one is actually done and ends happily w/some actual communication between everyone involved, but it sits unpublished bc I think it might be too saccharine (also every time I dare to write for Ed/Stede I get shouted at even if they claim they liked it so. not exactly eager to court that reaction again even if I have anon off on everything lmao)

-May have already talked abt this in prior days but, a Frenchie/Ed s2 au in which Frenchie convinces Ed to let everyone else go, so long as Frenchie agrees to stay with him as his new first mate (read: his new Izzy bc while Izzy is v alive in this, he's also hidden away until Ed and Frenchie leave the Revenge lol.)

I haven't decided on a final avenue yet for this, but right now have been playing w/: Frenchie & Ed operating as a two man wrecking crew while they gather new crew and a new ship, meanwhile Jim, Archie, Fang, and Izzy are working to find Stede and everyone else to tell them how Frenchie has essentially given himself a suicide mission, and even if they agreed to it so they could initially get away, they sure as fuck aren't going to let him or Ed die as a result of all of this. Cut to them having some silly fumbling reunion (literal list of ideas for this, they're all not great, trust me when I say this bit needs more work yet lol), then following the trail of blood, bodies, and tears to find Frenchie and Ed. Who, during all of this, are actually having some meaningful and approaching healthier conversations abt their traumas and have gotten closer during them. A lot closer. Very close. And it's not an issue of monogamy; they make clear at the start with each other that this might not have any legs outside of their current situation, and they both know that Stede probably won't care, and they've both been fucking Izzy so they know he definitely doesn't care (and has told them as much more than once after noticing them Noticing each other.) Their fear is that it will, and that what they both want isn't compatible (Frenchie knows they can't sail forever, but he'd rather die at sea. Ed, after struggling with it, admits that he's still not entirely sure if land or sea is best for him. But he does feel like he has to choose one over the other.) And what the fuck are they gonna do then? Because if that's the case and it ends what they have on every level, that'll mark yet another failure for them in both of their brains, and they're both entirely too fragile for that to happen, it'll be the crack that shatters Ed and splits the Box of Trauma in Frenchie's brain even wider open. But they do have love for each other, and can't ignore that either.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

Oh man. I'm gonna be selfish and give myself two bc I can't decide for sure between them and the first one is entirely too selfish a choice on its own on top of that but

Dancer and/or All For Myself (even tho it isn't finished, I know, I know!!! I always want it badly to be finished. That's still my game plan for this one, I swear!)

Like, Taron probably wants nothing to do with the Kingsman stuff anymore, absolutely valid. But my god seeing Dancer as a full movie or extended series or something would be amazing. It's not everyone's cup of tea for many reasons and I understand why, but I worked so hard on that lil fucker. I'm so proud of it. It's one of the few that I think, if I got the opportunity, I could edit and change up enough to sell as just above direct to dvd level movie script. I can't describe how it felt writing it; it was a particular feeling and magic I have not recaptured since writing this fucking fic lmao (still chasing it tho!)

The second one is just because I like seeing Con and Samba together and they seem to have fun and both enjoy the concept of rizzy so like. If in some universe where incredibly unlikely things actually happen, they came to me and asked for finished script version of AFM, y'all would not see me for ages bc I would lock myself down until I had it done. I'm talking living off of red bull and edibles and whatever snacks I remember to cram in my face-fueled writing, coming out the other end in need of a shower, actual food, sleep, but holding a beautifully shining script. I've done it before, and I would happily do it again for them lol. Plus, it would involve filming locally, and I just think that would be cool to do, to showcase the area. Lots of very cool and pretty filming locations, beach days...idk, I'd be happy to come along for every day of it and just do shit to help out. Pay me if you can/want, but I'm just happy to be there to see the process.

Thank you again for asking, as you can tell I had a good time and it was lovely to get to gush abt all of this for a bit!!!

[wordsandrobots]

It seems to have been a while since I posted an update on how the writing for the next part of Wishing on Space Hardware has been going (well, I complained three weeks ago that it wasn't, but that barely counts).

So, let's refer to the Super Accurate and 100% Serious Plan (TM). Bold represents chapters that currently have complete drafts.

Prologue: Hi, it's me, I am coming for your emotions.

Chapter 1: “Fuck my life, why am I the sensible one?”

Chapter 2: Discovering through adversity that you are in fact a spiteful arsehole.

Chapter 3: When you're well-adjusted and people won't shut up about their issues.

Chapter 4: How to turn grief and aimlessness into an international incident.

Interlude 1: More manga propaganda.

Chapter 5: Relatively normal person discovers sympathy for absolute lunatics.

Chapter 6: Manipulative bastard has meltdown; nukes career and/or starts war.

Chapter 7: Who wouldn't want to be head of state in the middle of all this?

Chapter 8: The world's most violent identity crisis.

Interlude 2: Accidentally featuring no canon characters whatsoever.

Chapter 9: When even your subconscious thinks you're a loser.

Chapter 10: Anger is not a stage, it is a permanent address.

Chapter 11: “Nobody is dying on my watch!” [Actionable threat]

Chapter 12: "Terrorism *is* a valid expression of my trauma, actually."

Interlude 3: Oh look – plot threads.

Chapter 13: Waking up to discover you work for the bad guys and deciding to fix that.

Chapter 14: Keeping going through the hardship, chaos, and narrative contrivance.

Chapter 15: Waking up to discover you work for the bad guys and failing to fix that.

Chapter 16: Ancillary character makes good, still doesn't get the boy.

Interlude 4: No, seriously, I mean it about putting literally everyone in this thing.

Chapter 17: Normal housewife deals well with additional lunatics.

Chapter 18: I swear I only invented this OC for exposition, now she's a key player.

Chapter 19: While valid, terrorism might not make everything better.

Chapter 20: Actual sensible one solves plot with quiet chat.

Epilogue 1: Pain and other assorted feelings.

Epilogue 2: The author reminds you he is, at heart, a total sap.

Epilogue 3: Hey, look, if you hit characters hard enough, they actually develop.

Epilogue 4: Take your victories where you can get them, folks.

Epilogue 5: What *do* you call the literary equivalent of a panning shot?

I just this morning finished Chapter 15 and I thought this was worth noting because it means the fic has officially passed the 100,000 word mark. In case you were wondering why it is taking me so long to complete, that's why. Chapters on this one are averaging 6000 words because SOMEONE made the daft decision to try and make each one a summation of a particular character and their role in the story so far.

We're probably looking at the whole thing coming in around 150,000 words total (bear in mind the interludes and epilogues will all be about half the chapter length). So while I am still hopeful I can finish it by the end of the year, I am increasingly unsure if I will start posting before then on account of editing and such.

My current plan is to spend the rest of this week polishing off Interlude 2 while I let the images for Chapter 16 percolate into an actual scene breakdown. After that chapter's done, I'll be in the home stretch as far as the main plot is concerned.

I must admit to not being especially happy to have slipped so far past my initial deadlines, despite knowing they were only loosely self-imposed to begin with. I really was trying to avoid leaving things on a cliffhanger for so many months. But such is life.

Anyhoo, that's where we are at the moment and hopefully things will continue to progress at the current fairly acceptable rate!

[sneepity-snoop-snorpity-sneep]

i want spinner to get the quirks eating his brain matter removed and get medical attention, i want the 1A kids to not have to fight a war, I want kurogiri to get his memory/freedom back, I want shigaraki to be freed from AFO, i want dabi to get healed, i want miruko to NOT LOSE ANY MORE LIMBS she already lost TWO and part of her ear, i want toga to get therapy and quirk counseling, i want magne and twice to be alive, I want AFO dead, i want the todoroki family to be a family again*, i want the PLF and league to stop trying to trigger anarchy-armageddon, i want all the younger characters who had to shoulder so much shit to get hugs and have their elders shoulder it for them, i want eri to grow up happy, i want someone to tell izuku he isn’t responsible for solving every problem and him wanting to help who he can is enough, i want bakugou to survive and grow as a person, i want to see acknowledgement and reparations for how heteromorphs are treated, i want uraraka and toga to reach an  understanding of one another, i want the heroes to decide to break down their corrupt instutions, i want society to stop using ‘villain’ as an actual legal term, i want all might to live to see a society where people don’t need a symbol to be hopeful, i want stain to see a psychiatrist, i want aoyama to get compassion and help, i want hawks and lady nagant to live and testify against the hero commission and stand trial for what they need to be held accountable for, i want someone to science a way to fix the noumus and let them be people again, i want any and all trials hypothetically held after the war to not just be emotion-fueled spectacles to satisfy the public’s want for punishment but actually FAIR trials that examine all the factors in each case, i want the story to subvert the ‘redemption by death’ for all applicable characters, i want amajiki to grow and become more confident with himself, i want hagakure and yaomomo to get an ACTUALLY-FUNCTIONAL HERO UNIFORMS, i want midnight to be alive, i want tartarus to be closed, i want the hero industry to stop using a ranking system, i want the hero industry to add ‘social service heroes’ as a branch of hero work, i want mha’s society to teach history better and put the due responsibility back on its citizens to hold it up, i want inko midoriya and rei todoroki to be friends, i want shinsou and monoma to become a great heros, i want izuku to become a great hero and talk about his life pre-One For All and advocate for change, i want hatsume mei to become a great support-item inventor with melissa shield, i want the hero students to get a official government apology for being unofficially drafted, i want the villains to get an official apology for being let down when they were innocents*, i want tsukauchi all might and nedzu to tag-team-investigate the hero commission, i want all my blorbos to get a bowl of warm soup and a soft blanket

i want sO MANY THINGS TO HAPPEN and i KNOW!!! i know i’m setting myself up for disappointment and i am crabby about it

*not endeavor. for the rest of the family to heal, he has to be put in indefinite time-out - he also has to stand trial for all of the shit he pulled so no one has the chance to make him a martyr

*not including re-destro and any of his close right-hand folks in the original MLF- he was a rich dude whose goal wasn’t to fix the issue of how people are treated for their quirks or how they’re forced not to use a part of themselves except in government service, he wanted to create an opportunistic, supremacist-style society where the current attitudes towards not-strong/undesirable quirks would be amplified to ‘those with these praised and acceptable abilities get to do whatever they want and everyone else has to take it because we shouldn’t have to care about people if they can’t force us to respect their rights as people’

[lovely-angst]

break ups and break ins

a/n: i didn't have any motivation to continue writing so it stayed in my drafts for forever. it's a super messy fic im not super proud of tbh i wanted to scrap it but i got so far lol

genre: angst to fluff

pairing: hawks x reader

summary: you and hawks break up, but someone breaks in?

word count: 3.7k+

09.16.21

-

"come on, stop being so sensitive," hawks groans with an eye roll as you gawk at him. "you think i'm being sensitive because I'm hurt that you're out there flirting with other girls while we are in a relationship?"

you scoff in disbelief before tears form in your eyes, "i can't believe you right now, keigo."

hawks' brows knit as he stares at you bewildered, "i've already told you that it's just an act i have to out up because of the commission. i can't let them figure out i have a romantic relationship with someone. you don't know what they would do or could do."

"but that doesn't mean you can flirt around with no boundaries!" your voice comes out loud as your arms flail out in front of you, tears streaming down your face, "do you know how much it hurts to see you on television sweet-talking every girl out there when you're my boyfriend? i thought you would respect what we have..."

"(name), just admit you're just jealous of the fangirls and leave it at that," hawks closes his eyes, shaking his head in frustration, "honestly, they appreciate me so much more than you do."

your eyes widen in shock as you feel your heart shattering into tiny pieces so small you aren't sure if you could piece it back up.

"keigo, i love you for who you are—not because you're hawks," your voice now small and laced with hurt. "if you can't see the reason why i am so upset, i think it's best if we end it."

hawks' eyes quickly glance to yours before they look away just as quick, "i think that's what's best too," he whispers, causing your brows to furrow in sadness as you purse your lips tightly.

taking a step forward, you wrap your arms around your now ex-boyfriend, taking in his comforting arms and smell, "thanks for everything." a heavy sigh left from his lips before he nuzzled into you, "can i hold you in bed one last time?"

words died in your throat as you felt the tears sting your eyes once more. a nod was your only reply as hawks lifted the two of you up with his large wings, carrying you into the bedroom.

no words were exchanged as the two of you allowed your quiet breaths to mingle together in silence.

-

your heart was still achey from the fresh break-up as your cries and tears quietly filled the air. your nose and eyes red and raw from all the wiping you had done—the tissues around you as proof.

"hey, come on. you can't keep living like this and expect to get better," mirko says and she stands infront of you with a small smile. "how about we watch something to distract your mind?" she suggests as she turns around to pick up the controller to turn the television screen on.

"hawks, being the number two hero must be so taxing! how do you do it?"

hawks gives that big bright smile you've always loved, "my fans always give me motivation to do my best! i love you my babybirds!"

"oh shit-" mirko quickly turns the television screen off before she turns over to you, watching as your lips quiver before you break out in another crying session.

"rumi," you whine, muffled behind your tissues, "he doesn't care for me at all!" letting out a sigh, she walks over and places a comforting hand on your hair before running her hand through your locks, "hey, don't say that. hawks' cared for you a lot. break-ups happen, but don't let it keep you like this. let's go out and have some fun today, yeah?"

your teary eyes glance up at her before you let out sigh, "okay."

but to your surprise, a quick hour later here you were on a chair getting your makeup done professionally as mirko sat on the couch, munching away on a carrot. "rumi? why am i getting my makeup done professionally?"

"my makeup artist is good at what she does when she beats my face with makeup for those hero galas. i thought it would make you feel better getting your makeup done professionally before we go out and explore the city a bit," she finishes, taking another crunchy bite of her carrot.

a small, "oh" leaves your lips before your attention focuses back on the lipstick that gently glided across your lips. "there, all done. you look great!" the makeup artist cheers as she hands you a mirror.

your eyes sparkled once you saw your reflection—you had never felt so pretty before!

"are you ready to go out now?" mirko asks with a smile as she stands from her seat. you couldn't help the small, yet excited, smile, "yeah."

-

your words had been on repeat in hawks' mind.

you were upset because of how he was treating his fans—flirting with his fans as you put it. it was a constant argument the two of you had and frankly, he was getting tired of it. why you couldn't understand where he was coming from?

he didn't want to break up because of something so trivial, but it seemed like a break up was the only option. but it was fine, his fans kept him going; or that's what he thought was keeping him going.

"hawks! we love you!" his fans cried as he landed down in front of them, his handsome smile swooning everyone lucky enough to get their eye on him. "thanks birdies! i'm always happy to have your support!"

"can i have a picture?" "sign my shirt for me!" "you're the best hero!"

fans; something he enjoyed about being a hero. everywhere he went, they were there to offer him their love and support which he appreciated and loved!

but there often came days when he just wanted to stay cooped in his apartment. away from the world and away from the hero hawks. he simply wanted to escape and enjoy being keigo for a little while.

maintaining a facade took a lot away from him. it was tiring, exhausting even, trying to keep up with how fast his mind was going. a million different things happening at once and hawks had to be able to solve them. a little much for a single guy, don't 'cha think?

landing in at his balcony, hawks let out a heavy sigh as he was finally done with another tiring day of being the number two hero. thankfully, he had the next day off to do, well, nothing.

staring at the dark apartment with a an empty look, hawks let out a groan of exhaustion before unlocking the door and stepping in.

it was quiet, extra quiet these days. since he had gone to living by himself again.

after removing his hero gear, hawks walked into the kitchen and frowned at his lack of food in the fridge. usually, you were always there to greet him with a smile and a hearty dinner after a hard day at work.

well, that didn't matter anymore because you two had broken up, hawks mentally responded to his thoughts.

it seemed like tonight was one of those nights he really missed you.

you made this place feel like home and the more he thought about it, you were his home. he was safe with you and it was okay to let hawks go for the night and just be keigo. you loved him as he came, his flaws and everything. even the emotional baggage!

letting out an exhausted sigh, hawks closed his empty fridge before making his way towards his bed, plopping down with a grunt. "i'll just get a bigger breakfast tomorrow," he noted, pulling out his phone to catch up on his social media for the night.

hawks wasn't expecting to see much on his social media, he's too busy to be checking these sorts of things. today though, he was a little extra bored at home—until he saw a photo of you that mirko shared.

hawks quickly sat up in disbelief. hawks was genuinely confused. you had always been super pretty, but you were extra pretty in this picture. was it because you were no longer his? his eyes glanced over you in the photo for many long minutes as he took in your beauty. you looked so ethereal.

hawks was so thankful for mirko, he would have never stumbled across this photo of you.

the more he smiled at the photo, the more his heart ached. if only he just listened to you more and tried to find a solution to this problem, you would still be with him, in his arms. he was a fool to let you go because he didn't understand your pain. especially when you were always there for him when you couldn't understand his pain.

hawks found himself pulling up that photo of you whenever the days were tough. it never failed to bring a smile to his lips.

until mirko deleted the post.

he should've saved it when he had the chance, hawks thought as he let out a groan upon finding no picture. but, maybe mirko still had it on her phone? thankfully, there was a top five hero meeting that day which meant he could ask mirko about the picture.

hawks sat impatiently in his chair as he drummed his finger against his thigh, counting down the minutes until the meeting would conclude. it must've been distracting, because mirko approached him first after the meeting.

"hey birdbrain, what's up with you? you looked distracted during the meeting," mirko questioned walking up to the winged hero. hawks perked up slightly, before giving her a smile, "hmm? nah, just sick of meetings, wanted to get out." mirko eyed him curiously, "if you say so."

"i saw that picture you posted of (name)," he commented, "you two were hanging out?"

"huh? oh, this picture?" pulling up the picture on her phone, she showed him the photo before pulling away to hawks' dismay. "yeah, we went out. it was about time too! (name) seemed to be enjoying herself, so i'm glad i got to capture that."

hawks couldn't help the smile on his lips knowing that you were happy and could enjoy yourself. he really just wanted you to be happy, even if that wasn't with him.

"if you wanted the photo, you could've just asked," mirko smirks, causing hawks to duck his head down in embarrassment. "but even if you ask, im not giving it to you." Hawks turned his head brows furrowed and confused, slightly offended, "why would you even suggest it then?"

"not sure, maybe it'll be a way to encourage you to find a way to get it."

-

mirko had an interesting way of talking, hawks thought as he continued on with his patrol. it seemed like she was hinting at more than what she was saying, but he wasn't really interested in solving puzzles when he was busy being the number 2 hero.

and boy, was he busy busy.

it felt as if all the villains knew hawks would be out on patrol today, using that to their advatange by stiring up so much more trouble than on a typical day—not that he couldn't handle it, it was just more work that he would have hoped to do that day.

from the sky, he could see a crowd forming below on the streets as they cheered him on for another successful capture. hawks let out an exhausted sigh, but floated down to greet his fans nonetheless. there even happened to be press.

"hawks! you were amazing out there!" "great work! i can always count on you!" "you looked so attractive fighting those villains!"

hawks lifted up his visor and gave the fans a handsome grin, causing a chorus of squeals. hawks glanced at one of the fans near him lips curled in a smirk, mouth ready to open and say a few lines that would send arrows straight to the heart when he subconsciously stopped himself.

closing his mouth, he gave her a gentle smile before a soft reply came out, "thank you for supporting me."

it was weird of him to respond to fans in such fashion, but your words were stuck in the back of his head. he wished he could have acted this way before you two broke it off, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

hawks hoped you would notice his change. and unbeknownst to him, you had.

your eyes were glued to the television that aired the news that also happened to feature your ex-boyfriend, hawks. your heart felt fuzzy as you watched him, he seemed different...more down to earth?

"your eyes haven't left the tv since hawks appeared," mirko comments causing you to avert your eyes embarrassed. "i was just interested in the news for today, that's all," you tried but knew mirko wouldn't buy into your lie.

"yeah, okay. keep telling yourself that," she chuckles as she she sits down beside you. "so, whats going on in that head of yours now?"

"he's different now, rumi," you state, eyes drifting back to the screen. "he's talking to his fans like they're fans." your shoulders slump sadly, "i wish he was like this when we were together...i guess he really doesn't care about me after all."

mirko lets out a grunt as she listens to your moping. turning towards her, you notice her adjusting her purple thigh high socks to sit snugly against her upper thighs, "you have patrol this evening?"

"yep, my turn for an evening patrol. they're not that bad, more bad guys come out at night," she jokes with chuckle but you don't find it funny. "i know you can easily beat them, but that doesn't mean i worry any less for you," you sigh. "stay safe please."

"will do, cry baby," she jokes once more causing you to angrily pout, "i'm not a cry baby!" "says the one crying over hawks. bye!" and with that she quickly leaves out the door before you could throw a pillow at her.

rolling your eyes playfully, you walk over toward the bedroom you shared with mirko. you had a nice futon on the floor beside of her bed that surprisingly was very comfy. organizing her room a bit and folding her clothes she tossed around, you tried to busy yourself until she came back.

which was surprisingly short.

you heard the main door swing open before hearing her move around the living room and kitchen. she must've forgotten something, you thought to yourself as you made your way toward the bedroom door you had previously closed behind you.

"rumi? did you forget something?" you ask as you open the door, just to find yourself staring at the stranger in the apartment who donned a black ski mask with some sort of weapon in their hand. unfortunately your voice had caught their attention and their head quickly turned toward you before bolting it down the hallway for you.

screaming, you quickly shut the door and locked it before the thief could get in. the rattle of the doorknob causes you to let out another shriek as you looked around for a way to protect yourself and to escape.

the only solution that came to your mind was to block the door with whatever heavy furniture mirko had on her room which consisted of her bed, a desk and her clothes drawers. you did your best to block the door, but it was proving to be not enough.

"open the door and i won't hurt you miss," the voice called out and you felt your stomach twist from their words.

you scurried around to look for your phone and thankfully found it amongst this chaos and your body went on auto-pilot and dialed the first person that came to your mind whenever you were in danger.

your shaky hand brought your phone to your ear as you ran into the furthest corner of her room. your free hand covering your trembling lips. please pick up.

"hello? (name)?"

"keigo please help me," you cried quietly so the person on the other side couldn't hear you, but the desperation in your voice was clear as day for hawks. "(name)? whats happening? where are you?" his voice was now firm and laced with worry as you began to sob in through the phone.

"i'm at mirko's and she just left for patrol but someone broke in and i hid myself in her room. i'm so scared, please come quick." and right after he heard you squeak in fear from the unidentified noises through your phone.

"i'm coming right now," you could hear the power his wings had as he lift himself into the sky, "does she have any windows you can exit from?" glancing behind you, you took a mental note that her windows were large enough for you to escape through—the only problem was mirko lived on the tenth floor.

squeezing your eyes shut, you nodded even though hawks could not see you, "yeah, but she doesn't have any escape ladders and i'm on the tenth floor." hawks cursed under his breath on the other side, "just hold on, i'm almost there."

clutching onto your phone, you jumped when the barricade you made against the door was getting tossed around from the force of the stranger on the other side trying to break in. scrambling around, you quickly unlocked the window before opening it, allowing the wind to flow in.

with another jolt from the door all of your barricades flew from the door, leaving it vulnerable. you knew the door would fall with his next move, so with trembling hands, you maneuvered your body outside the window, letting your bottom sit on the window frame.

from a distance, you could hear someone calling out your name. when you narrowed your eyes to focus, all of the stress left your body as you watched them shoot towards you. hawks had come to your rescue!

but hawks wasn't close enough.

the door behind you broke allowing the stranger into the room and before they could grab a hold of you, you jumped.

"(name)!"

as your body free fell down towards the earth, hawks used his wings to give himself one strong push forward before folding his wings tightly behind his back to gain speed to reach you.

reaching his arms out, he caught you in time before shooting back up towards the sky, "that was so stupid of you!" you shouted loudly against the wind, "what if i wasn't there in time?"

glancing up at him, you gave him a small smile, "i just knew you'd get to me in time ."

-

"agh, more paperwork i have to fill out!" mirko groans as she walks around her messy apartment after hawks and her had caught the suspect and had cops take care of him. as she walked away into her bedroom with a line of curses, you quietly turned over towards hawks who had his back facing you. he was on call with the commission.

"yep, i'll get that finished tomorrow," ending his call and stuffing his phone in his pocket, he turns around to find you staring at him. his cheeks flush slightly from the sudden eye contact, but he managed to compose himself. "are you doing alright? that must've been quite the terrifying experience."

"yeah, thanks for picking up. you were the first person i thought to call," you confess and he perks up. "oh yeah?"

"you've always kept me safe and i just really needed you when i was in danger. so thanks," giving him a smile he mirrors you. "of course, anything for you."

your heart flutters from his words, but you slightly turn yourself away, glancing down. you two were no longer dating, so there was no need to get butterflies over him again. "well, thanks again. you must have a busy day tomorrow."

"do you buy any chance still have that photo of you when you were out with mirko?" hawks asks suddenly causing you to glance up at him. "you know, when you two went out a couple weeks ago? you were all dolled up and honestly, just super pretty?" hawks says boldly with a sheepish grin.

"why are you asking?"

"send it my way."

you gawked at him, "you want me to send you a picture of me? we're not dating anymore, that would be weird!" hawks could only shrug, "okay, that's simple then. let's go on a date." you gawked even further, "what is going on inside of that bird brain? all this for a photo?"

"i want to be the one who takes those photos of you. i want to be the reason you get all dolled up. i know i messed up, (name). i've been changing the way i talk to my fans because i understand how i hurt you. could you give me another chance to make it better? i promise i will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

this was coming too suddenly, your wounds were just starting to heal.

"you...you don't mean that, hawks," you say dejectedly as you back up to sit on mirko's couch. "i'm scared."

"he means it you know?" mirko pops out of the hallway suddenly and stands with her arms crossed against her chest as she stares at the two of you. "he's been asking me for that picture nonstop since he saw it online."

"but he really does love you still, (name) and i know you still love him too. go ahead and give it another shot, i'll be here to kick him to the curb if he does anything bad to you." she encourages, making you glance back towards hawks.

"promise?" your eyes are sparkly from the tears that had glossed over your eyes and hawks gives you a confident nod, "promise. i'll pick you up at six tomorrow?"

you couldn't help your growing smile, "yeah, i'll be waiting."

- e x t r a -

as hawks flew off towards his apartment, the notification ding of his phone went off causing him to take a look. you had sent him a text!

opening the message his eyes widen from the photo you sent, it was the cute pic of you all dolled up!

"i'm so in love!" he shouts loudly in the sky.

[thebiggestfan1]

Do you take requests for your writing? If you do can you write something about Matt Tkachuk falling for his childhood best friend after their families trying to get them together for years

at the beginning I was a little hesitant about what I was even writing but I love how it turned out <3 hope you will too!

PS: If you have any requests, please send them! In my pinned posts is my masterlist and there is also a link to the list of the players I will gladly write about

word count: 1975 words

TW: swearing

For as long as you could remember, you and Matt have always been best friends. You had each other's backs and there were no secrets between you two - except for the one little fact that you've been in love with him for what felt like forever.

You couldn't remember when it started but you realized that you fell for him many years ago when Brady made fun of you and Matthew liking each other and your face was all red and your hands felt so clammy and your heart was beating so fast you thought everyone in the room heard it.

But there was no way that you'd risk loosing him. Matt was your everything and losing everything you had wasn't worth not having to keep secrets from him.

Since you and Matthew met each other - when neither of you could even walk - your parents and his fell in love with the idea that you'd be perfect for each other. Even as you grew older, they still gave you the looks that said it all - that they never changed their minds. Your families got closer as you and Matt got closer and to separate the two of you was something that would never happen, not on your parents' watch.

When you were sixteen, you told Matthew you loved him. You were so nervous, thinking about all the things you said wrong, all the things that you could still say wrong; but Matt only grinned, threw an arm over your shoulders and said "love you too, Y/N/N." He didn't even think it was something you said out of love.

And you took it. You acted like it didn't hurt when he declared his love to you only in a friendly manner or when he asked you for your friend's phone number. Your heart broke a little every time you saw Matt with another girl but you had to act like it was nothing.

When Matthew got drafted to Calgary, he asked you to go with him - to leave your home, your friends and everything you knew - and as the fool you were, you said yes.

His career looked so promising and you were happy for him. But there were moments when you hated him and hated yourself; often when Matty threw a party in your shared apartment and kissed anyone he liked and then took them to his bedroom. And you sat on the couch and watched as he didn't even look at you, giving all his attention to some beautiful girl he just met. So you got drunk everytime it happened, solving your problems with a bottle of alcohol. And it kind of worked - you didn't forget your broken heart but the pain that you felt there dissolved for a few hours. Matthew deserved better than those one night stands but you deserved even more.

Sometimes you regretted moving to Calgary with him. But in the moments when Matthew made you laugh and treated you like you were special, you fell for him even more - like when he always took you as his plus one and didn't even bother to ask anyone else or when everyone in the room looked at you as you two laughed at the inside jokes no one else understood. On one lonely night when he lost a game and only you were there to comfort him, you and him drank a few bottles and then went out, finding the first tattoo salon you saw and getting matching tattoos. His name brightly contrasted with your skin, the words written in a font that imitated the one on Matthew's team's logo. It somehow felt good to see your name permanently written on his shoulder - it meant that at least he still was your best friend, if not more than that.

"You're ruining me, Matt," you whispered after you stumbled back into your apartment. "You're ruining me and it makes me sick to think that I'll always forgive you for it."

But Matthew didn't listen; he watched your lips as they moved but the words didn't make sense to him. And so you let it be that way.

...

On Monday, everything Matthew thought he knew changed. You sat with his whole family, laughing at something his mom said, the jersey he gave you earlier that day too big on you. He liked the way it looked on you - he liked the way all of his clothes look on you.

"It's nice to see that you are as much in love with her as she is with you." Brady skated over to him, the both of them warming up before the game started.

"So it's not only our parents, but now also you?" Brady gave Matt a cheeky grin in answer and shook his head with raised eyebrows.

"Y/N is a fool for loving you for so long without you returning her feelings. And you're a fool for knowing so and doing nothing about it. And, hey, don't be so sad of loosing this game, she might lick your wounds afterwards." That cocky bastard. Before Matt could really understand what was his brother saying, his coach called him to the bench.

And so he waited. For the start of the game, for the right time and place; and as Brady smiled at him once again, Metthew threw off his gloves and punched him in the face.

...

"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked Matthew after you two said your goodbyes to his family and left for your car. When he hugged you tightly after the game, his mom and Taryn gave you "the look", showed you thumbs up and even as you tried to hide it with an eye roll, you started blushing.

Flames lost against Senators and Matt played like shit the whole game, not even to mention the fight between the two brothers.

"No." he answered harshly but then stopped in his tracks, softening up and realizing he was walking too fast for you to keep up with him. He took your hand in his and started walking again, this time slower.

Your body tensed at his touch and you had to really try to silence the butterflies in your stomach before asking: "What did Brady say?"

"Nothing important," Matt said. You watched him carefully, the way his grip on your hand tightened and how his face looked sour after saying these words. As if they tasted wrong on his tongue.

"Okay," you breathed out, in no mood to argue with him. "Okay."

It certainly was not okay.

...

Matt knew he was fucked the moment he smelled your hair when he hugged you after the game and when he had to find new excuses to touch you.

Yes, he's noticed the way his feelings changed a few months ago and yes, he did nothing about it, just tried to stop thinking about you in other ways than friendly ones. But no girl could ever replace you in any way and he knew it. And now, Brady knew that, too.

Matthew knew about your feelings, that's true. And he was an idiot for hurting you by avoiding them, by acting like nothing changed.

But everything changed a long time ago and there was no reason to keep that a secret; he was no longer scared of loosing you because he knew that no matter what, you two were meant to be together.

...

Something changed. The parties continued but... Matthew was no longer interested in the girls there, or it at least looked that way. He never said what happened and you somehow started thinking that it all started because of that game where Brady said something to him and he punched him in return.

There has never before been much of awkward silence between you two. You could literally count awkward moments of your friendship on your hands. But since that incident - it didn't matter if it was while watching TV or in a complete silence - everything got weird. Even leaning into his touch when lying on the couch felt different.

It was one of those moments again and you were starting to feel helpless. Was it something you said? Or something you did? You were overthinking every single one of your decisions when suddenly Matthew broke the silence:

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

You said nothing in answer but the butterflies in your stomach fluttered wildly.

"About us." he added hesitantly. Us, you thought to yourself. Us like what? Friends? Lovers?

"And?" you asked all nervous. Was this the moment you've been waiting for for years? You turned your head to look Matthew in the face and with some satisfaction, you realized he was nervous, too.

"You and me - us together - would that be so weird?"

A smile slowly grew on your face and you felt the tears welling in your eyes.

"No," you whispered, his face so close to yours "Not at all."

This was the kiss you had imagined for years. This was the kiss you've been waiting for for years.

And then you kissed his tattoo, your name inked into his skin forever, and you knew that for as long as the tattoo will last, so will the bond between you two.

...

Hardly anything changed. You've been surprised b ythat but Matt jokingly said that you've been halfway through a relationship even as just friends - but it was true.

"We might as well have been dating the whole time," you laughed lightheartedly.

"A lot of people thought so." Matt smiled at you, giving you a light kiss on the tip of your nose.

Matthew parked the car in front of your parents' house and before you knew it, he was already opening your door and helping you out. You've been invited to this family meeting where would be both of your families and since they all wanted you and Matt to be a pair since you were babies, it will get wild when you go inside hand in hand and tell everyone the news.

"You already met my family so this saves you a traumatizing experience," you muttered, smiling as your boyfriend snorted with laughter.

"Likewise." Matthew pressed a last kiss in your hair and knocked on the door.

"Well, if it isn't Y/N and Matthew! Come inside!" It was Matt's mom and she hugged you so tightly you thought she crushed some of your bones. A strangled laugh escaped your lips and Matt, fully entertained, helped you out of his mother's grip. His hand automatically found yours, fingers intertwining and you blushed slightly, still not used to how affectionate he is in public.

"So, we've been waiting-" You looked over at Matt's mom, at how wide her eyes were and when you realized that she was staring at your connected hands, you smiled a little.

"Surprise," Matthew laughed awkwardly.

"Oh. My. God. It's happening!" Taryn screamed across the whole house before jumping on you two, trying to conceal her happiness. "Brady, you owe me fifty!"

Brady ran in through the kitchen dooor, looking at you and his sister, clearly annoyed.

"Shit, I thought it would take them less time to express their silly feelings."

"Did you really bet on us?" you asked, faking the surprise. Of course they did.

"Are you two really together? I didn't think this would actually happen-" Your mom embraced you and you answered by nodding.

"I didn't think so, too." you added, looking straight into your boyfriend's beautiful eyes. You felt the happiest you've ever been in your whole life, with all of your dreams suddenly becoming reality.

Throughout the evening you never stopped smiling, all the time hoding onto Matt's arm. And when you were left alone for a moment, you whispered into his ear:

"It's no longer you and me. It's us now."

"'us' - I like the sound of that." And so did you.

[solomonish]

selfless (to a fault?) [nowdateables]

CW: allusions to past toxic relationships.

brothers here!

Diavolo

So. Diavolo might not notice right away. It’s not ignorance! He’s just very busy, and public appearances are important to keep up, so one of the ways he keeps up with you happens to be exactly what you have trouble accepting. Large bouquets sent to the House of Lamentation when you’re there, a word sent out to any of his staff out where you may be to make your life easier however possible (Mammon tries to tag along with you all the time, hoping to hear the magic words: “His highness has graciously waived the fee for all exchange students’ purchases today!”) - and he’s not even there to see the way your smile looks a little more like a grimace, or the way you stare uncomfortably at the little gift.

He seems to love that you are so willing to try and help him out - even if there isn’t much you can do, since he handles a lot of sensitive documents and information. But, considering he’s so lonely, when it comes to reciprocating he sort of follows your lead?

He knows, on a surface level, how to be in a relationship, but considering you’re a human AND he doesn’t have a lot of interpersonal relationships for practice...he sort of follows your lead, and hopes your way of giving love is the same as your way of receiving.

You’ll have to bring it up to him, which is a nerve-wracking experience on its own, eased only by the fact that you know Diavolo has done his best to make sure you KNOW you can bring up any issues you have. He is very good at opening his ears to you and helping you problem solve, and when dealing with the things he cares about (yes, YOU) he is very direct about problem solving.

The moment you stand before him, Diavolo notices the way you fidget with your hands and almost refuse to look at him directly. He immediately stops what he’s doing, putting everything down and turning in his seat. If he’s at his desk, he gestures for you to come to his side and asks you directly - “What’s wrong?”

It seems terrible to directly accuse the prince of wanting to manipulate you, so instead you ask, “What did you want in exchange for those gifts?” And for a moment, he does not know what you are talking about. First of all, WHICH gifts, there’s so many, and secondly did he come across as wanting something in return other than your happiness?

No matter what he was doing before, he will set aside all of the time he needs to at least start to communicate to you that he has no ulterior motives with his gifts to you. If you’d like him to stop with such blatant displays of affection, he will, but it’s more important to him that you know he is only trying to communicate how he feels when he cannot do it directly.

Barbatos

This is a relationship where you might have to bring it up before you even start dating. Either that or he WILL get a hint before then. He’s a butler! Not only is he normally serving other people, he is a master at standing in the back and watching people. He notices the way you awkwardly hold your tea cup after he gives it to you, or decline anything that he offers you when given the chance. It just comes up by nature of who he is.

Before he is interested in pursuing a relationship, he simply brushes it off as the unfamiliarity of having someone wait on you. Perhaps you’re particularly independent, or you just never really are in a situation where someone waits on you like he does. Either way, it isn’t really much of his business.

But...it is very obvious in a relationship. He just...defaults to helping others. Sure, he knows how to separate work and his personal life (though, to be fair, there is not much of a “personal life” there with how much time work takes up, so maybe that needs to be revisited. some day...) but even with that separation he enjoys providing solutions for people and helping out. It brings him joy to help make your life a little easier if he can help, and it’s something he’s good at.

Still, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and he definitely doesn’t want to make you think that he’s treating you the way he treats people as a job. If he wanted to, he could most likely peer into different timelines or even into your past, try to figure out what’s bothering you...but he knows better than to creep into places you haven’t explicitly told him you want him. Besides, communication is important, and this seems a prime opportunity to put that to use.

So he asks you one day when you visit him at the castle, after he notices your hesitation to respond to him when he offers to help you with something you were complaining about. “Why does it make you uncomfortable when I offer my assistance to you?”

You freeze for a moment. “Wouldn’t you be able to find that out on your own?” “Would you like me to?” “...no, not really.”

He isn’t one to press you for information, or to ask a thousand times if you know he’d never use any of his attempts to make your life in the Devildom easier against you. Barbatos will listen to what you have to say intently and do his best to mesh to what you think you’re most comfortable with. He does intend to help you accept help as much as he can, but it’ll be so subtle you’ll hardly even notice. With the little amount of time he already gets with you, he’s already practiced in making the most of it - what’s one more little task to the greatest butler in all the realms?

Solomon

See, this is a relationship that doesn’t necessarily depend on the whole “acts of kindness” thing. (Like, it does to the same degree any relationship does, but considering I think you’d both be pretty independent people and the helping each other aspect normally comes from things you’re doing together anyway. If that makes sense.)

Still, he does notice how...surprised you look when he surprises you with a flashy spell he learned, or when he hears you complaining about your course load or Lucifer’s expectations for you. You decline every single offer he gives you to help, and you never look as happy as he hopes you will when he shows you his spells. (Depending on what stage you are at in the relationship, how is he supposed to impress you if you never want him to do things for you !!!)

However, he is accustomed to holding information close to his chest, and he isn’t always the best at asking about people’s emotions. So, even though sometimes you jump at the opportunity to help him collect ingredients for potions or find one book in massive libraries or craft things for enchantments and spells but you REFUSE to let him help you study for a class he could pass without even listening to one of the lectures, he silently suffers and hopes you’ll breach the subject on your own.

Which you do. Kinda. He’s trying to convince you to let him help you with paying back the debts of one of Mammon’s schemes he dragged you into - figuring two bodies on the job will get it done faster and, in turn, he can have more time with you later - but he makes the mistake of rationalizing it with, “Well, since you help me out so much, maybe I could-”

“Don’t! Don’t...say that. We don’t owe each other anything.” You give him a tight smile that’s OBVIOUSLY fake. “I help you because I want to.”

“And I want to help you. Why won’t you let me? What’s up?”

The conversation is...uncomfortable. Solomon isn’t the best at handling vulnerability. But he doesn’t judge you for a second, and he gets the fear that you have in the back of your mind. Especially since people keep telling you not to trust him and that he’s shady...this relationship is pretty dependent on a thorough trust between the two of you. But he doesn’t mind proving himself a little more, so long as you’ll be gracious enough to give him a chance.

Simeon

Simeon is really good at vibing out somebody’s boundaries and comforts. Call it angelic intuition, but he also has a feeling about you that makes a little too much sense when he notices how you shy away from any offers of assistance.

A little thinking, and suddenly the way you stretch yourself thing to help the brothers at any moment makes a lot of sense too. (And, of course, he is pleased to know everyone considers everyone to be family. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t two main causes!)

Angels naturally want to ease the strife of the humans they come across, and even though Simeon knows that it might make you uncomfortable, he finds himself unknowingly putting you in awkward positions with how often he reaches out to make your life easier.

Bringing you homework that you missed, being your escort when the brothers are busy, buying you lunch just because - he’s a bit of a sweetheart and it’s in his blood to do these things, and he only remembers how it hurts you when you uncomfortably shift before taking the only option he’s given you - accept what you don’t want.

He sits you down one day, letting you know it’s bound to be a healing conversation between the two of you. Fortunately, he has a knack for making you feel comfortable and safe, so he has a slightly easier time getting you to pen up to him.

The moment you even hint at him having ulterior motives, you feel stupid. Even when he assures you that it’s alright, saying it out in the open feels...wrong. That doesn’t shake the feeling or ease your fears, but it does make addressing things a bit easier.

Simeon has no problem helping to draft a plan for re-affirming your trust in genuine love and kindness. He also inserts himself directly into the plans - what, you thought he wouldn’t? Simeon will remind you what it feels like to be cared for with no expectation of return. don’t get him wrong though, he’ll take a lil kiss or something if u want...

Luke

You can’t say no to him. Unfortunately, he bakes a LOT and he is all too eager to be your personal guard dog guardian angel.

When you do decide to let him know why you look so uncomfortable when he tries to do something for you (giving him an abridged version, of course) - and he, in all his energy, does not seem to get the hint to STOP ASKING - you can see him literally just chill out. One minute he’s vibrating with pure energy and the next he’s just. Still.

He half wants to get indignant on you, but he knows that’s not a good response. Instead he just sort of stands there, watching you for a minute, until he blurts out with zero grace - “What would I even have to do that for??”

He realizes it’s a terrible response the moment it comes out of his mouth, but you seem to be okay with it if your awkward chuckle is anything to go with. Luke starts pouting just a little bit, more upset with himself that he’s completely failing at handling this situation. “I’m just nice to you because you’re nice and you deserve it. There’s nothing else to it.”

He’s a sweet boy, and he doesn’t wanna lose his favorite taste-tester. He’s got the spirit.

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1  -  Chapter 2

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and sex. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: The story is placed between season 1 and season 2. Thank you for everyone that encouraged me to keep going. I have to wait for my local drop of serotonin to get fully Laszloed to go through this.

Lyra’s Contellation, Illustration taken from Uranographia by Johann Bode

Routine. Routine is comfort. Habit stabilises the character.

If you follow a routine, you won’t ever be victim of imprudence, of evil jokes of fate. The stability earned through calculated and repeated actions brings a sense of fulfilment that forbids other thoughts to come bashing in, breaking rules, breaking hopes that a solid scheduled routine forbids to have. I take my time to begin this week, I planned the things to do, the next steps for the case, the people to meet, the resources I am allowed to contemplate. I feel good, I feel back to myself and the events of the weekend seem far from me and my own perception. I probably got ahead of myself, carried by some instinctual though and random rush of emotion, to be always in contact with the same people and mostly kids probably doesn’t help my stance in the presence of other adults. I feel silly now reading back the last page, I felt tempted to tear it off, but to keep it there should be a small memento of not losing my temper so easily. I read it over and over and I know I am not as charmed as I thought I was. I am just lonely. I have always been and it is normal to face ups and downs even for a man of my age who is more accustomed to it.  To desire a partner is a natural instinct, to find somebody attractive is meant by nature, it is the body calling for the natural fulfilment of the reason we are put on this very Earth.  But even in a state of nature my own condition would be forbidding me to be part of the natural process of growing my own kind. I am the type of male that would be excluded because of his impossibility to give the protection to the pack, therefore it is just more reasonable to me to adapt to my condition. No matter what my Potentia generandi might be (the ability to procreate).

With all the smugness that characterises him, Niki showed off that he passed my challenge. But to be really of an help to his antics I didn’t show any kind of surprise. I treated him like he did the bare minimum, like he didn’t prove me any kind of superiority. He has a natural attitude toward challenging the figure of power, he is trying to overpower me, but I won’t satisfy his need. I have noticed he has a very technical brain, he finds ways to solve problems in ingenious way and not by throwing himself into the task. I proceeded giving him to work on a clock, an old broken one we had in the institute, one of the kids hit it with a ball years ago and nobody ever worked on repairing it. I gave him the clock, a couple of screwdrivers and a book. He called me a number of German names I won’t transcribe, but it gave me a certain amount of satisfaction. If my intuitions are right, I am sure the clock will be repaired by next week.

Analysis of the victim’s body through John’s eyes. The drawings and sketches are as detailed as I requested, all of this thanks to you joining him. I deal with art critic section, I am used to notice these things. You assure me, you play yourself low and I wonder why, nevertheless you did notice things neither John or I did, which pleased me. It fooled me, distracted me from my purpose to not give in to your witchery, as I leaned closer watching your pale hand move across the pages tracing this or that line, showing how this must be done with the killer on this side and not that side, with words so deliciously elaborate, your way of composing your speech is compelling, you could sell the drawing of a kid like it was a Botticelli. I noticed the shape of your hands, the way you move them, I wonder if you play an instrument, or played, some habits just stick with you through life. I focused on taking notes, your ideas and instructions giving me a new point of view, a new stimulus. What if that is the only way the killer can communicate? Or what if this is the communication that works for him? Could our killer be mute or deaf? Or that’s how society made him feel? This man, or woman, needs a listener and I am afraid that now, since he got our attention and the public’s, he won’t stop. Another killing could be just as close.

Scheduled: meeting with the parents of Alex Garel for new admission, Monday next week at 11 am. Love at first is a fetish and like all fetishes it is based onto an object that hides a deeper meaning, like gloves mean hands, to love at first sight means to see somebody that you think, and think only, to have the chance to share not only a sensual kind of bond, but an intellectual. Love at first sight is based onto not knowing someone well enough, but having the time to idealise most of that someone. I can see why I feel this attraction, using a particular phrase that Sara often mutters when investigating: you tick all the boxes. I know you do, your beauty is everything but conventional, you’re the kind of face that painters would paint and musicians would write hymns about, but any animal on the street would never be allowed to see. You have the grace of the body and the fire in the eyes, and then you speak. When you speak, I realise, you could bring the world to its knees. Also, you never speak out of context, and if you do it is to ease somebody’s position. You do it often with John or with Stevie, you say something really silly in order to put them back to a place of comfort. Some women would call it self deprecating, but I see that you only pick wisely your fights and your wins. You don’t need to earn your peace and quiet by neglecting, but by lifting up the others. I wonder if you do it with me too, if your silences are just you allowing me to be in a better place while instead your judgment is tearing me apart. I shouldn’t care, but I keep wondering, sometimes I take my time to answer you, I analyse every shade, every peculiarity of your question, I am looking for sarcasm, for a condescending voice, for something to hang on and bare you open. To prove myself you’re not perfect. But deep down I know that you do, you judge me and you do well.

Mother never said so. That’s what one of the girls in my care said today. Ursula. She is tough. Skin as thick as an alligator and the tendency to pull her own hair at night or when under a massive amount of stress, enuresis alongside erratic episodes of mutism. I tried the soft approach, it didn’t work. She is too accustomed to be indulged. Therefore today I pushed her a bit overboard, I teased her over opinions on the female body, the female role, she is only 12, but she is soon to bleed, she knows, I can tell from the way she clenches to her skirts, from the way she looks at me as a threatening figure. I am the incarnation of danger to her. Under her steady silence, I pushed a bit more, asking how her mother taught her to be nice and submissive. Does her mother tells her she is going to be a good wife? The phrase, which I reported at the top of the page, surprised me.  What is her mother teaching to her then? What closed her so much, locked her soul away, making a small bird like this choose the silence and the retirement of self inflicted pain over, what? Mankind? Or just Men? Is that even a curse? Should I cure her from a truth that her own mother whispered to her ear one night before bed and made a child decide that the world wasn’t a place to share her time with? Am I the man supposed to teach her that men are worth of trust? In the eyes of modern society, who measures its own value over the modesty of the women, she would be a champion, but at what price? I can’t in any way let her parents bring her back home after our recent meetings. Nevertheless, I have to make up my own mind on how to give her troubled soul ease without making her believe in fables. I, as a man, regard myself not worth of any of the trust they expect me to teach her.

In all of my years practicing with people’s feelings and traumas, I challenged myself to find those same traumas within my own mind. It is a tricky game, terrible, anguishing at times. But it straightens me, the pain of others, the pain of kids mostly, so unadulterated and pure, breaks the curtain between me and the lies that I often surround myself with. Pain is made of method, you can open it up, you can scrutinise it, part it piece by piece dividing it in sectors and, partitions, centre part, side part, heart of the problem. Pain is reliable. Happiness is not. It is random, cruelly sudden, unexpected, it washes over you in such deflecting way only to leave you alone a moment after ashamed and alone. I saw you again today. You were in a table full of what I could only guess as your former university colleagues, I saw pain in you, not heavy but constant. Annoyance, a bit of sadness. Your head titling on side and your eyes drifting on the left, you’re imagining something away from them.  A place? An object? Or maybe someone? Your hands play circles at the bottom of the flute of your drink like kids do, your smile only one sided. I don’t see you speak at all, only listen.  What could keep your voice down? I almost gulped down my own breath as you looked up and I realised how I must have looked. I was having lunch on my own, in a very private table and even entertaining myself with a newspaper on the side. I wish you didn’t, but you came over, your eyes shining.  Did I save you? Or maybe I was just a good excuse to leave that painful meeting behind. Don’t be so nice to me, it is not healthy. Don’t look at me like you expect anything more from me than me listening. I won’t smile back at you, I won’t give you care, attentions or thought. I won’t lean for your perfume, I won’t obsess over that dress you wore, that pin that adorned your neckline keeping your undershirt in place, a silver robin, I remember. I won’t remember the number of the buttons on the side of your glove, three. I won’t observe the little moles just under your ear. A small constellation, I later realised, hidden between your ear and the beginning of your neck. I don’t need to check in my books. It is a constellation. It is Lyra. Why? Why you must be like this? Are you the Lyra? Are you the instrument of Orpheus come to me to drag me out of Hell? The Tartarus holds my soul and you should know already, I am not worth the quarter part of Eurydice to be saved and she never came back anyway. I won’t be now recollecting the way your teeth sunk in the inner side of your cheek when you apologised for the annoyance.  You apologised twice, I ignored you both times with a raised hand to request peace and silence. I am not letting you in.

Reserved: Tickets for Wednesday’s evening Traviata by Giuseppe Verdi. The guest female lead promises a beautiful show.

Leonardo, as I am learning through Paul Valery essay, is who I would define as a figure of projective identification of the Subject or, to better explain it, of the knowledge of the Subject that formed and grew through the use of sketches in the experience of the Artist. I have always thought that the finest form of art was the representation of knowledge duly undressed by any personal identification. Leonardo, instead, proceeded to represent the figure through the essence of the artist, a representation technically unlimited on objects and symbols and that keep expressing the transformation and development of Leonardo’s own being.Some artists are testimony of the destruction of the world, of the loss of eternal beauty over decadence. And then you have Leonardo, who creates an art that is the gravity of the world’s system, of the nature, of thoughts and abstractions. I wonder if our killer does the same, if the way they presents the victim through their own personal view, if what we can read there it is their stories, their pains, their needs. Their happiness and troubles. What are they trying to tell me?  I need to know, I need to know to save a life, of course, but I also need to know to be able to sleep at night. Hair, hair are the epitome of femininity in any era. I keep studying Ursula and her habit to pull the. I took notes on it: she picks them by the bottom, slowly separates them until she gains an amount her mind defines satisfactory and then she rolls her finger and pulls, she does it until her finger is empty and there are no hair left. I find her process incredibly interesting. In men’s case the display of physical attributes is not as vital, a beard can be appreciated but does not modify the power of seduction of a grown man. On the contrary, for women hair are a vital part of their attractiveness toward the opposite sex, society sees the hair of a woman as part of their vital characteristics, also in ancient times for a woman to cut her hair or have her hair cut was a sign of deep separation from the society. Only heroines or whores wore that mark and the association of the two is so rooted into the way society always parted the role of a woman in two that it is nauseating to think of. I am still fearing to let Ursula go away, the repulsion that she is showing toward her own body makes it difficult even for me to crack her shell open as a man, but my deepest worry is when that hate will take a scarier and deeper tool on her. How a girl with such  a fear of what her body can do, like sex or pregnancy, can endure in the future to have an husband? Or even to be courted by anyone?

John is helpless and I admire him for that. He doesn’t hide it, he just is. He is vulnerable and exposed, he is an open well bursting with doubts and feelings and troubled waters. He is genuine in a way I could never be. Maybe that’s why I despise even more him talking about you, how he sees you every morning, how you greet everybody, how you behave even with interns, how you like your coffee.  Your talents, your wits, how you said this and acted like that and reasoned through him. How you forbid him to drink even when he felt tempted. How you stayed late over to help him collect all the informations I requested him to get. To him. Not to you. The evil demon of envy scratching in the back of my head screaming like a siren out in the sea, he demands to be heard, he demands to be allowed a part in this game. I won’t allow him that. I won’t allow myself any of that. This is a pure game of chess, if I give in a pawn now, I will lose my knight, and I know it. I advice him to not be so closed minded when he praises you, only to get surprised by the charms of a natural logical mind. I find a way to hurt him, he is an easy target, I look at him as his eyebrows twitch and he summons his patience on me. He lost the plot about you already, his bruised pride taking over. You won’t come into my life.

“Un dì, felice, eterea, mi balenaste innante, e da quel dì tremante vissi d'ignoto amor.”  (“On a day, happy and ethereal, you appeared in front of me and from that day, trembling, I lived on an unknown love”)

The words of Alfredo in the first act of the Traviata keep running through me, a chant that won’t let me go, almost painful. The Opera House, that was my hiding place, a place where in plain sight I could let out myself, unleash. The catharsis of the characters involved running through me, I didn’t need anything but their voices and those musical instruments to let out my fears, doubts and anger. When Alfredo came to the scene tonight, the lights were strong and slightly pinkish, the performer bursting out of the seams with passion. My eyes diverted only to see you there. Alone. Those blinding lights gave you the the radiance of a vision singing the notes of greek myths and heroes, that dark blue evening clothing rang through my eyes like it was a bright yellow, the little shiny details that adorned you so clear against the heavy lighting to look like transparent pieces of water collected to adorn your beauty. I wasn’t me, but Alfredo, and I was helpless against you sitting so far and yet too close from me. I was naked in front of thousands. I am aware of the effect you have on me and our last conversation was barely regarded as one. This is infatuation, this is the pure work of a lonely mind and not something worth of any of all the words that I am dissipating here. Yet. I saw you cry at the climax of the opera, Violetta, the protagonist, heartbroken falling on stage consumed by pain and regret for her lost love and ultimate sacrifice. Your eyes shone as you tried to hide the tears and collect yourself. Through my binoculars, I saw your throat tremble and gulp down something more than just a sigh of pain. Your jaw clenched, your gloved hand moves to hide your shaking lips. I reckon, I have never seen such sad lips look more inviting. You look at the wall on your side breathing through your nose and not even that can save you by the strength of the voice of the soprano. You’re defeated and so you brought a fine silk handkerchief to your eyes, your shoulders bent inward in self defence.  The Opera won. It won you like it always wins me. I wonder if you felt like this because of a past lover, somebody that broke your heart and made you feel wrong in any way.  And because of that little wonder it is even more clear to me why I am a man worth of no trust. Because for a moment, I know, I wished to be the one that broke your heart. That gave you just the pain you’re inflicting on me so mercilessly by offering intoxicating kindness and beauty.  To own your thoughts, tears and shame. To be the one man you have to look away from. I want to own all of that and, maybe, I will be freed of you the day you’ll be just another human being that hates Dr Laszlo Kreizler.

Tagged @cazzyimagines​ @lieutenantn​ @handmaiden-of-mischief​ @thesunflowersutra​ @zemomybeloved​​ @fictionlandslanddreams​ @charistory​ @greeneyedblondie44​ @apparrio​ @hb8301​ @whatawildone​

Let me know if you want to get tagged too <3

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

My Wildest Dreams

Howdy Howdy! This is my fourth (of five) prompts for my 500 follower raffle (and it’s taken me so long to write it I’m at 600, sorry) 

This is for the oh so talented @julek for the pairing Geraskifer and the trope truth potions! I hope you like it!!

Shout out to @selectivegeekwithstandards who was my sounding board and helped me fix what was a verifiable disaster of a first draft <3 <3 

-

Jaskier wouldn’t go so far as to say that he was annoyed at the way Geralt and Yennefer were behaving but it certainly was exhausting.

The sorceress had met up with him and Geralt two towns back and had been travelling with them since. It wasn’t uncommon for the three of them to travel together, Yennefer popping in and out of their lives as she saw fit. But this time was different for some reason. Normally she would arrive and her and Geralt would disappear to fuck like bunnies for a while while Jaskier yearned from afar. This time, however, they’d had a hushed conversation and then… that was it.

And they had kept having those conversations, sending furtive looks toward Jaskier each time. The bard decided to pretend like he didn’t notice but honestly it was getting a bit too weird. Normally when Yennefer was travelling with them, Jaskier spent the entire time pining, wishing they were paying him attention… inviting him into Yennefer’s impressive tent for… whatever it was they did.

Jaskier sighed as he noticed the look Geralt sent him from the other side of the room. Geralt didn’t normally sneak looks at him or, if he did, he was normally sneakier about it. They were in an herbalist’s shop, Geralt and Yennefer having both needed ingredients, so Jaskier was just wandering around and looking at the various things and keeping his hands to himself.

Jaskier suddenly noticed something strange on the highest shelf of jars in the shop.

The jar was smaller than all the others and it wasn’t labelled either. It was filled with a brilliant purple powder that shimmered in the low candlelight.

“It’s not for sale.”

Jaskier jumped, not having heard the old herbalist walk up behind him. He cleared his throat, “What is it?”

The herbalist ignored his question. “Are you with them?” the man gestured to where Geralt and Yennefer had their heads close together and were muttering to each other.

“Yes.”

The man hummed thoughtfully, eyeing Jaskier, “You can have it.”

“What?” The man had pointed at the small jar when he said it but he had also just said it wasn’t for sale.

The man grabbed the jar off the shelf and held it out to Jaskier, “It’ll solve your problem.”

“What problem?” Jaskier asked as he reached out and took the jar, staring curiously at the contents.

The man nodded toward Geralt and Yennefer, “With those two. Just add a spoonful with their wine, they won’t taste a thing.”

Right, yes. Just mix a strange substance in their drinks. That’ll work brilliantly. “And what exactly is it supposed to do.”

“It will make them tell the truth.”

Well… that would certainly be a nice change. But still...

“I can’t pay for this.”

The man waved a hand, “I told you, it isn’t for sale. And trust me, it will help.”

Jaskier pocketed the powder hesitantly and watched the herbalist cross the shop to where Yennefer was inspecting a bundle of herbs.

How strange. But the truth would be nice. He needed to know what was going on, why the two were being so secretive. 

No. He couldn’t.

-

It took another week travelling with Geralt and Yennefer’s weird behavior before Jaskier put any actual consideration into using the powder. The pair had just kept on with their whispers and their staring, making Jaskier uncomfortable at every turn. Honestly, he had listed after the couple for years but now he was getting rather put off just looking at them.

Desperate times and that...

Jaskier waltzed through the door to the inn room they were all sharing, three mugs of wine in hand. 

“I need you two to tell me the truth,” Jaskier declared, standing just inside the doorway of their room. It was time for him to put his foot down and get the answers he needed.

“What are you talking about?” Yennefer asked sharply. She was frozen, loose herbs held in one hand, lingering over where she had been bundling them over the table.

“You two,” Jaskier gestured at them, sloshing wine in the mugs he was still carrying, “have been keeping something from me for weeks and I am sick of it.”

Geralt opened his mouth but Jaskier shushed him, “No, listen. I need the truth. Either you tell me now or, if that’s too difficult, you drink these.”

Geralt grunted, “What would drinking wine have to do with anything?” The witcher had set down the dagger he had been examining in favor of staring at Jaskier, directing his full attention at the bard.

“The drinks are drugged,” Jaskier responded matter-of-factly. “A truth potion. So, if you don’t think you can be honest with me without help, you can drink this. Otherwise, I’m leaving, and I don’t want to see either of you again.”

The silence in the room was stifling and suddenly Jaskier was horrified. What if he was being too forceful? What if they just… left?

Yennefer and Geralt shared a meaningful look before finally Geralt stood up and walked over to Jaskier, taking the mugs of wine from him. He handed one to Yennefer silently before taking a drink from his own. 

Geralt looked back to Jaskier, “You’re right, you deserve the truth.”

Yennefer stared at the wine in her hand for a moment and Jaskier suddenly felt incredibly nervous. What if this was something he didn’t want to know after all?

Finally, Yennefer took a long drink and hummed slightly, “You are right, Jaskier.”

“Do you feel any different?” He asked hesitantly.

Yennefer shook her head, “No, we’ll need to finish the drinks for it to work properly. And I think I would like to wait until then to have this conversation. It won’t be easy for me.”

“Okay,” Jaskier responded quietly, sitting on one of the beds in the room as he worked on his own wine, waiting for… something to happen. 

Geralt and Yennefer had both returned to their previous tasks, both absentmindedly sipping at the wine.

There was a knock at the door.

Jaskier hurried to open it and accept the three plates of food, “I hope everyone’s hungry” he said brightly.

“Always am. Never get enough to eat.” Geralt said, reaching out to take a plate from Jaskier.

Geralt’s brow furrowed suddenly as Jaskier looked at him curiously. He had long suspected that the witcher needed more food, but he had never said so.  Jaskier set the second plate across the table where Yennefer was sitting, “and for the lady”.

She simply nodded in thanks, a small smile on her face.

Jaskier sat upon the bed again, digging into his plate. “So,” he started in between bites, “do either of you have anything you would like to tell me?”

“I enjoy your company.” Yennefer said suddenly, her face reddening.

Jaskier was taken aback, “You… what?”

“Enjoy your company.” The sorceress was staring at Jaskier with emotion shining in her eyes that Jaskier never thought he would see. Not directed at him.

Jaskier looked at Geralt, unsure of how to respond. Geralt’s lips were pressed together tightly, his brow furrowed, “Is… something wrong, Geralt?”

“I…” Geralt hesitated, “am sorry if we made you uncomfortable.” The witcher didn’t apologize easily, always saying rubbish about not having feelings, so the statement meant a lot, particularly under the circumstances.

Jaskier nodded, feeling bad he’d given the two the ultimatum, but glad he would get answers now, “I just couldn’t handle the weird tension and the whispering and the looks anymore.”

Yennefer sighed, “We were talking about you.”

“Why were you talking about me?” Jaskier suspected as much with the looks but he couldn’t think of a reason they would be talking about him.

“Because we’re both in love with you.” Geralt responded quietly, his eyes downcast.

Jaskier was certain his heart stopped, “Ahhh… that doesn’t sound right.” They couldn’t possibly have feelings for him, not more than a fond friendship. It didn’t make sense.

“Well, we can’t lie thanks to you.” Yennefer said, staring Jaskier dead in the eye. The earnest look on her face left Jaskier breathless.

He nodded, breaking the eye contact, “Right. Sorry about that. I was just at my wits end.”

“We really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Yennefer said, her voice softer this time, drawing Jaskier’s gaze back to hers.

“Do you… mean it, though? That you both love me?” Jaskier couldn’t remember ever feeling more vulnerable. 

“Yes.” Geralt said simply.

Yennefer nodded, “Yes. We do. We just weren’t sure what to do about it.”

“Well… telling me would have been preferable. Not acting like… you were plotting against me would have also been a good alternative.”

Geralt stood and walked to where Jaskier was sitting, kneeling on the ground in front of him, “We… were worried you didn’t feel the same.”

Jaskier set his plate aside and rested a hand on Geralt’s face. He took a deep breath, tears pooling in his eyes, “Geralt, I’ve been in love with you for a decade. And Yennefer, I care about you. I do. And I’m not opposed to… trying for more. With both of you. If you’ll have me?”

Yennefer stood slowly, walking across the room to sit beside Jaskier, setting a gentle hand on Jaskier’s shoulder and reaching out to hold one of Geralt’s hands with her other. “We would be honored to call you ours,” she said, placing a gentle kiss on Jaskier’s cheek. 

Jaskier beamed, tears finally spilling over. Geralt reached up and wiped them away with a tender caress. 

Jaskier stood quickly and cleared his throat, “I’ll be right back.”

Geralt frowned from his position on the floor, “Where are you going?”

Jaskier laughed lightly and smiled back at the witcher, his heart fluttering madly with how happy he was, “I’m going to get you another plate of food.”

Yennefer chuckled, “That’s a good idea. We’ll be waiting for you.” She leaned back on the bed and smirked at Jaskier.

Jaskier knew in that moment he was living out his wildest dreams and he couldn’t be more thrilled.

 -

Check out my masterlist!

Tag list: @stinastar​ @feraljaskier​ @bastardofmothman​ @hailhailsatan​ @moonysourenza​ @its-onions​ @elliestormfound​ @dapandapod​ @geraskier-trashh​ @jaskierswolf​ @fontegagrilledcheese​ @negativenuggetz @veritasrose @feral-jaskier @kozkaboi @kueble @selectivegeekwithstandards

[snowbabys]

gc ⋆ final considerations

warnings: a lot of rambling in here and a little game? in the end.

hello everyone! first of all, thank you for reading my series! i wasn't expecting anything with it, like, at all, so i'm really happy people actually read it. thank you if you have been with us since the beginning, if you caught us in the middle, or if you're just discovering this series now! i started this all for fun, and if y'all had fun while reading, that's more than enough for me! and if you handled my late ass daily, wow, you're a warrior, i admire you a lot.

this whole series/universe means a lot to me (even tho i did it for fun hehe), it improved my grammar and vocab a lot, made me learn so many things about writing and constructing a story, i've learned things i never thought existed while searching for exact translations of what i was trying to say, and more.

am i completely satisfied with it? no. is there anything i wish i did differently? many, of course. should i be more responsible and work with my time management? oh yeah, that... :') moving on.

many parts i felt like i've rushed, or parts that feel/seem incomplete to me, things i should've added but didn't, things i shouldn't have added but did, but my skills couldn't make any better (not to mention i literally spoiled part 5 in some tags before part 4 was even released why-). the summary mainly is a joke cause i wrote it before changing the plot, oh god, is it too late to rewrite that? (btw, the plot has been changed about 3 times, that explains a lot huh. the first draft had nothing to do with the actual story).

i also learned that tumblr does hate me cause i can't fu**ing schedule sh*t properly in here and tag ppl and and UGH it took me almost a month to solve the scheduling issue.

BUT! it's all a great learning experience. i'm surely using everything i've acquired with gc on my next works and if you're curious about the next series, all i can say for now is that it's coming in late april/early may and, shameless self-promo time, here is a snippet! also no more scheduling or giving the exact time of posting cause omfg you know already.

and woah. now i can finally sleep normally again. and post the requests omg i'm so late.

special thanks: every single person in the taglist, y'all have my heart if you want! ♡ people on the comments too, i love you 3000. anonnies who came for the series hehe. and google translate my guy you carried me in part 7 and 9 <3

uhm okay thank you if you read all that KHDAKHFHFD i'm gonna list a few things right here, feel free to do it too if you want, i'd love to see what you think:

favorite chapter: i do love part 3 a lot, but part 5 strikes deep man. and part 7 is so kashakdh too. uhmm, i'll go with part 5.

favorite scene: during part 5, when niki is trying to convince himself he's not jelly (the whole beginning is so good to me).

favorite character: soobin. nono i'm joking, i rlly want to say niki, but... jay :')

last but not least, chapter that killed me the most: part 7 cause omfg how hard that chapter was, to write and point out where the story was going, and it's so big too.